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mychlapci · 2 months ago

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Episode Two - Darkness Rising, Part 2

Okay so Starscream establishes that the Decepticons have access to multiple energon mines, with the one shown at the beginning of the episode holding the most energon. He also calls one of the vehicons, drone, which implies that they’re not sentient beings. This would make sense since they’re canon fodder and mostly serve to flesh out the actual army that the Decepticons have since making a ton of unique character models would be expensive as fuck.

However, we see in later episodes that the vehicons can speak, a feature I find odd if they’re just meant to be mindless drones following order. This brings up a whole bunch of horrifying implications since the Autobots regularly rip vehicons to pieces in battle.

I’m gonna be 100% honest, I hate the dark energon plotline. Not only because it completely undermines Megatron as a leader and makes him look like a fucking idiot for just shoving it directly into his spark chamber, but also just because TFP is going to have soooo many plotlines down the road and out of all of them, dark energon will just continue to stick out like a sore thumb.

I do appreciate that Ratchet is just a hater. Like he just wants to leave and 100% respect him. So far he’s the only character to have actually funny lines.

God I forgot how ugly Fowler’s model is. Like the other humans look okay, but they did him dirty.

“BULKHEAD I NEEDED THAT!”

Optimus for the love of god put your mask back on. Please man you actually look hot that way.

“Pretty big bearings, for a human.” What did he mean by this? Bulkhead what did you mean by that?

Starscream will continue to be the only right person in this show. Like it will literally be Megatron’s fault that they loose their biggest energon mine because he decided to reactivate Cliffjumper’s corpse in the middle of it. And then, when things start going south, he’ll just order Starscream to blow up the entirety of the mine instead of trying to save it. Like TFP Megatron is a terrible fucking leader and from what we’re told, Starscream was actually doing a pretty damn good job of collecting energon considering in the three years that Megatron was gone, no one even once noticed the cons and their mining operations.

Basically TFP Megatron is a terrible leader and IMO the show would’ve been 10000% more interesting if they actually let Starscream be a competent individual instead of just turning him into Megatron’s chew toy.

Grrrr. Listen Miko, girl, I think you’re fine and all but good lord read the goddamn room. Every single one of the robots are talking about their friend, who has been presumed dead and you’re asking about the fight? I don’t think I would actually mind this behaviour if Miko actually had other things going on with her character. Like we hear about her host family a lot but not once do we actually see them. Perhaps her extreme thrill seeking behaviour is a result of being shipped off to nowhere Nevada by her family back home, or maybe her host family ignores her and she resorts to getting into danger as a method of acting out.

Still sticking with my opinion that TFP Optimus is built like an uppercase T. He’s gonna fucking fall over he’s so top heavy.

God the size shifting in this show is insane. Like Arcee is like 3x the size of her actual altmode.

I really wish Jack wouldn’t compare his fucking girl problems to Arcee’s partner literally dying. Those two things are not even remotely comparable in terms of emotional damage. Also it just makes him sound really fucking childish and petty that she has the audacity to be angry and annoyed about being forced to babysit some human teenager. Maybe they could’ve had Jack say “I know what’s it’s like to loose someone too Arcee…” Instead of just making him complain about girl trouble. That also would set up a potential plotline involving his absent father. Maybe he died?

It’s really funny that June didn’t see Arcee in the garage despite the fact that she’s literally in the driveway when Arcee reacts to her pulling up. Like there is zero way that she didn’t see the massive robot sitting in her garage.

WHY DO THEY KEEP SETTING UP WEIRD ROMANTIC NOTES WITH JACK AND ARCEE?! HE’S SIXTEEN FOR FUCKS SAKE.

ONCE AGAIN COMPLETELY UNDERMINING MEGATRON AS A EVEN REMOTELY COMPETENT LEADER BY MAKING HIM SHOVE AN UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE INTO HIS SPARK CHAMBER!!!!

Other Notes

They should’ve put Megatron down.

Episode Three - Darkness Rising, Part 3

Okay the little gesture Miko does when she pats Bulkhead’s interior and then puts her hands in her lap is so fucking cute. Bulkhead and Miko dynamic my beloved <3

At this point you could replace Soundwave with a piece of cardboard and literally nothing would change. Like… he just stands there, repeating other people’s voice lines. What even is the point of him?

5:22’s Transforming scene between Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead really demonstrates how big the bots are and how fucking ridiculous their altmodes really are.

Ratchet should be allowed to kill I think.

Okay Optimus says ‘Late in the war’ when referring to the energon deposites on Earth but like… it had to have happened before humans became a fully fledge civilization creating species, because Ratchet seems confused about Earth being a potential battlefield. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE TIMELINE MAN?????

I will never forgive what they did to Laserbeak. Like what the fuck is that ugly ass thing? Also adds to the continued problem in TF media where the cassettes don’t get to be actual characters and are instead just tools to be used by Soundwave. At the very least if they actually gave Soundwave a proper personality we might’ve been able to glean information about Laserbeak. Or hey maybe an inverse where Laserbeak acts as Soundwave’s voice, speaking for him in front of other characters. That would’ve given both of them an interesting dynamic.

OH AND THE FACT THAT LASERBEAK IS ALSO AROUND THE SIZE OF A GODDAMN HELICOPTER???? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK???? That cannot possibly be right. And Laserbeak has tentacles… yeah okay fucking whatever I guess.

Gah I don’t like the Agent Fowler kidnapping plotline. It feels out of place when the focus should really be on Optimus and Ratchet trying to stop Megatron. I think it would’ve been better suited for it’s own episode outside of the five pilot episodes.

“About five years ago, the government started microchipping their agents.” As an American, yeah that is something my government would do.

Y’know what, I think I would’ve been 100% okay with Miko throwing herself headlong into danger if she actually got a character arc where she realised how fucking dangerous and stupid of a decision that is. Like obviously TFP isn’t actually going to injure their child protagonists, but like… the show also wants me to be worried about the kids getting injured when they end up in situations and it falls flat when the Cybertronians are constantly telling Miko not to do stupid shit and then she never really learns her lesson, despite it nearly getting her and her friends killed on several occasions.

Honestly if they’d just moved Fowler getting kidnapped to being it’s own episode, we probably could’ve cut down Darkness Rising to four parts instead of five.

I think the showrunners should’ve allowed Ratchet to fucking maul Megatron right out the gate. It would’ve been funny and would’ve put Megatron out of commission way earlier.

Episode Four - Darkness Rising, Part 4

I enjoy the little detail that you don’t actually see Miko getting out of Bulkhead when Raf and Jack do.

Once again good lord I hope the vehicons aren’t sentient. Because otherwise Bulkhead is just killing so many people.

Bulkhead’s voice actor nailed that MIKO?! perfectly.

HOW THE FUCK DID MIKO JUST SLIDE ACROSS THE FLOOR LIKE THAT? HUMANS DO NOT HAVE THAT LEVEL OF TRACTION.

Y’know for as much as the fandom and the show love to hype up Soundwave as this guy who can see everything on the Nemesis and knows exactly what is going on at all times, he’s sure doing a pretty shit job of noticing three autobots breaking into the ship with their human companions.

ONCE AGAIN I REALLY HOPE THAT THE VEHICONS AREN’T SENTIENT BECAUSE OTHERWISE THE AUTOBOTS ARE GOING TO BE SO HYPOCRITICAL WHEN THEY SAY THEY CARE ABOUT ALL LIFE.

Why did they animate Raf putting the backpack on? Literally why did he do that instead of just running with the backpack in his hand?

Y’know what, shoutout to Jack for having the most normal reaction to being put in a life threatening situation. Miko is acting far too chill about all of this and I think it’s really weird how they keep having characters tell her that she could keep dying and then the dialogue serves no purpose because she just turns around and goes ‘Well I almost died too.’ Like girl that is not helping your case. Your actions nearly got yourself and a twelve year old killed. Again this wouldn’t be a problem if Miko actually learned a minor lesson about throwing herself headlong into danger. But she doesn’t learn.

She can still be weird girl extraordinar who loves robots and Bulkhead and metal music and thrill seeking without putting her friends in harm’s way. Like that is perfectly feasible!

LMFAO RATCHET IS SO FUCKING READY TO BE DONE WITH THEM. God he truly is the funniest part of this show so far.

Ugh… yay the first of many Starscream beatings. It is kinda funny how he sounds like he’s being choked but Megatron’s foot isn’t anywhere near his throat.

Okay Miko, your speech is falling on deaf years because you did actually almost get people killed. Like… girl… you did almost die and I don’t think saying ‘Oh well I went to the best school and had a loving family but I was stifled and didn’t get to be as weird as I wanted to be which is exactly why you should come back to hang out in a place that is liable to get you killed with me.’ will the change the fact that the guy you’re trying to convince nearly died.

Other Notes

Honestly, as much as I was ragging on Miko for the last couple of paragraphs, I do not actually hate her. I actually enjoy her moments with Bulkhead and the rest of the human cast in the base quite a bit. What I hate is how the show really wants you to think it’s super dark and gritty and oh my god the characters are at risk of getting injured and dying and then one of the main characters literally runs headlong into danger, nearly gets her friends killed, and then refuses to really sit down and understand why exactly her behaviour is dangerous for everyone around her.

Like genuinely, think about it, what happens if Miko gets injured? Her host family all of a sudden have to deal with the fact that a child they’re legally responsible for has been hurt and then they have to explain that fact to her actual parents. Then the Cybertronians will be liable for Miko’s injuries as well. Like her actions could have genuine consequences for so many other people than just Jack and Raf and if the show actually decided to commit to the fact that she could get hurt, we might have actually had an interesting plot line on our hands. But no, Miko will continue to throw herself into danger because ‘Oh the big robots are so cool and even though they’re literally in a war that’s actually causing them physical and emotional harm, i’m going to continue to talk about it like it’s a video game.’

God girl… I wish you were written better.

Episode Five - Darkness Rising, Part 5

Why does Megatron keep hating on Starscream, he’s literally just standing there 90% of the time. He hasn’t even done anything wrong in the five episodes he’s existed.

I think it’s really funny that Soundwave has to be at the radio array in person to deal with the goal of getting the space bridge to turn towards Cybertron. And also that scene is so funny because he’s just hunched over, tentacles sucking away at a random console, not even in any of the ports, just latched onto the box itself. What is he even doing? How do those tentacles even work in terms of extracting data?

Literally the very next scene shows Soundwave flipping through the cameras remotely so why does he even need the tentacles? And also what the fuck was he doing in the last episode when the autobots were breaking Fowler out of the brig, was he just taking a nap, or does he not have access to the Nemesis’ camera system?

I wish Megatron would’ve stayed dead. The maybe Starscream could be an actual character instead of a punching bag.

RATCHET WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? TREAT HER DAMMIT?!

Other Notes

Okay so despite my less than stellar reviews so far, I would actually rate the Darkness Rising Arc with a solid 6.5/10. Like they're not bad episodes, especially not as a set of opening episodes to get people hooked on the show. I merely have the benefit of having watched the show before and am therefore able to make judgements based off of preexisting knowledge.

------

alright and here is part two of my tfp watch through! another person recommended that i watch the rest of the darkness rising episodes since they're very much meant to be viewed sequentially in a single sitting. i technically watched eight episodes since i do an initial watch through and then a second watch through where i take notes.

-burnt ice anon

scrolling through this wall of text going Hey what the hell Until i realized we just passed a friday, and we’re reviewing tfp every friday now.

I’ll be completely honest with you right off the bat I will have to disagree, I fuckin love tfp Megatron I think he’s so funny. I have zero notes, his dark energon plotline is also funny to me. I get where you’re coming from about his character and role, but I guess but I love a good crazy bitch. He’s a hater after my own heart.

one thing i guess i just have to dedicate an entire paragraph to is the Jack comparing his girl problems to Arcee’s loss because I also always thought it was weird, but upon rewatch I realized that… he doesn’t? Like if I’m not mistaken, he’s referring to Arcee as his girl problems. Which is, admittedly, still kinda rude, but it makes more sense, considering that she (albeit by accident and unwillingly) dragged him into mortal danger. Sorry, I just thought that was interesting.

as for Miko… I always have to defend her. She’s fourteen, lacks self-preservation skills, and is insensitive at times because her excitement gets her faster than social norms do. She’s got a brand of adhd i sure know well. She IS however out of place with her excitement, considering how like, gritty and real tfp is trying to be, she would actually fit much better in a more lighthearted tf show. The writers never seemed to know where to take her, always keeping whether she’s learnt her lesson semi-ambiguous just in case they have to find an easy reason for the bots to be at a specific place or do a specific thing. But to be completely honest I never had any desire to see Miko learn her lesson. Also, people do need to cut her some slack, all she really wants to do is watch Transformers, something we get to do on tv, but she has to sneak through ground bridges and stuff to get a tiny piece of action. Sorry, this turned into a Miko appreciation paragraph. i can’t help myself.

#hmmm sorry i answered this and then i forgot to post it #i do love reading your notes so much it’s so fun #texty

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talenlee · 1 month ago

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Transformers: The Beasts Without

Amongst the Transformers gestalt teams, there’s a trend of describing these vast, aggregated creatures as being, well, monsters. Yet even winthin the category of ‘giant monster sized giant alien transforming robots,’ there are some who get a further description of being monstrous, of being something a little incomprehensible and alien to the existing minds of their allies and cohorts. Now, setting aside the one time the Autobots did this with Volcaninus, about whom I have feelings, these gestalts are typically Decepticons.

Thing is, what makes this particularly weird is that the Decepticons have a bunch of monster gestalts. Not ‘one gestalt who is the monster one,’ but a bunch of times where they put the lore behind the gestalt as ‘behold! the monstrous one!’

Anyway, here are three of those.

A recurring challenge for gestalts is managing the way five minds are made to be physically compatible with one another. Sometimes this evinces a simplified persona, sometimes this creates a new character based around an aggregate of the component minds’ hopes, or dreams. Sometimes, and oh so commonly for Decepticons, it creates a big angry boy who just wants to fight everything. Abominus does that.

Abominus is composed of five transformers, who are themselves all Decepticons who turn into monsters. They include Hun-Gurr, a great strategist who’s overwhelmed by his hunger, Rippersnapper, a softboy who hates himself and turns into a shark with feet (don’t worry, the Decepticons have another of those), Sinnertwin, a sadistic serial killer, Blot, who’s also here with a note from his mum, and Cutthroat, who uh, is kinda just like Sinnertwin but has wings.

In terms of sheer threat, Abominus is the coolest and best one. Abominus is composed of four cool monster transformers and Blot, and the overall aesthetic of the mass of metal (and by metal I mean plastic) is that of a terrible monster man made up of terrible monsters. The guy has dragons for knees, his arms have wings and a horn made of a tail, and the whole overall beast is kind of sleek.

As a toy, Abominus is honestly pretty good. Because he’s made up of a classic scramble-city style critter, he’s got a big central piece and four more streamlined pieces, two of which make better arms and two of which make better legs, but they also let that central piece form a big, solid core. He’s a bit broad-stanced, but it beats some of the other combiners that are a bit ropy based on their size and friction needs. Talking about you, Seacons.

Monstructor is a dark shadow of evil, a fundamental piece of something wrong, something unnatural and in-cybertronian that existed before its pieces were brought together. He is a cruelty that breathes.

He is made up of the stupidest looking transformers in the world, his head is bright yellow and his chest is made of Gold Plastic, meaning that he has a more tangible form of timer on his existence than any of the narrative may imagine. He is also, because he’s made up of Micromasters, roughly the same size as a G1 Hot Rod, who also sucks.

Poor Monstructor is such a cool idea in the high concept way of things. He’s a Lovecraftian monster that a bunch of transformers come together to form into a creature that has a shape into which something much older, more primordial and more mystical than the parts can ever contain. The problem is this concept came along, as with so many things in the history of Transformers, at exactly the right time to not have a good place to land, meaning that Monstructor is made up out of the bodies of the six Pretender Monsters, which are all basically ugly cubes with extrusions that transform into things that you will almost always wind up describing as “<squints> something,” and have memorable names like Icepick. Birdbrain. Bristleback. Scowl. Slog. Wildfly. Snort. I made one of those up. No, it wasn’t Slog.

Cool idea, awful execution. As with so many of these orphan ideas, though, good news, he gets to live on in the comics, in which it doesn’t matter how stupid his crew look.

But Predaking owns a special place in this pantheon in that in the context of the show that was built around these toys, the places where these characters were first ensouled, Predaking both existed (in that he was in the show) and that he set the template the rest of these beasts followed upon.

The first gestalts were simplified idiots, in G1. You had Devastator, the Giant Green Angry Baby, Menasaur who was basically a tantrum throwing simplified monster person, and Bruticus, who included Swindle, was a pure, efficient, soulless killing machine. Of the gestalts the Gen1 decepticons had access to, then, there were three blunt, brutal instruments that needed supervision to be dangerous.

Not Predaking.

No, Predaking doesn’t need instruction. Predaking is exactly that: he’s an unthinking, calculating, stalking predator and he needs no guidance nor demand to engage with his prey. Now, what complicates this description of him is talking about a character who is a stalking, relentless hunter that can track you for days across the limits of your endurance, while ignoring that Predaking is a giant robot the size of a school, and not a you know, sleek predator that has something it can hide in. What I’m saying is, unless you are, yourself, also the size of several busses stacked up on top of one another, the ‘hunt’ part of Predaking’s command pattern doesn’t exactly seem likely to come up and it’s not like he can leap out at you from a stealthy hiding place, because again, he is a giant monster on the scale of one of those American monuments they had to detonate sacred mountains for.

Like, I appreciate the concept of linking together six minds with a common interest in animals and getting an animal intelligence, and the name, Predaking, top notch even if it is a typo away from being a real problem in a chat room. But there’s just a fundamental lacking component of a stalking predator that really scares us (lions, jaguars, all that good stuff) when you put it onto something that’s roughly the size of a moderate town-house with an even more deadly form of rent.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this of course, because this is an ad for toy transforming alien robots. It’s something a lot of science fiction and fantasy writers are trying to do their best job on as a project that is going to engage children and excite them with cool characters. These monsters are meant to be baddies to lose and threats to run from, because that’s how you make stories exciting.

The fact that there are these characters that are made to tap into common ideas (monsters, the monstrous, the unknowable, the predator) that break down a little when they’re giant robots is fine.

But what if we try it again?

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Transformers #Media

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honeyandbloodpoetry · 3 years ago

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Abuse and Gender Expression - Gender Thoughts Part Three

Huuuuuge trigger warnings for peer abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, religious abuse, a murder attempt and mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation and an eating disorder. 18+ talk of sexual activity also included. Discretion advised!

I feel like the first time I realized I needed to perform high femininity to be accepted was in sixth grade. I was slotted into a rotating elective class, and the first one was a careers class. That careers class was utter hell for me. Every single day, I was tormented by an entire classroom of about twenty of my peers. I was bullied, no, abused for being fat and ugly and weird. I was called a whore, and told the only way I could ever be loved was someone raping me. Things were thrown at me, I was shoved down and tripped. I was bullied for my special interest in Transformers. I was told I was so fat and ugly I should be killed and be made into meat and cheese and fed to starving people because that was my only worth. Every single day I was told I should kill myself in varying ways. And all of that is just a quick summary. It was intense and brutal abuse for an entire semester, and I distinctly remember a day where there was a literal pool of tears on my desk. I couldn’t understand. I reached out to the teacher for help, and genuinely can’t remember exactly what he said. All I know is that he simply watched, and sometimes even joined in with “jokes” of his own. This was also the year abuse from my mother amped up, and home was a warzone--we were constantly arguing, and she became a professional at gaslighting and poking and prodding me until I exploded so I could be blamed for fighting back. My father would vacantly stand by and remind me not to fight back. This was also the year I began to self harm as a way of release.

I remember thinking that if I looked more like the girls in my class, I wouldn’t be bullied so much. I was told I was ugly and unlovable, so I thought that if I performed more femininely, maybe I could be like those who tormented me and therefore not be a target. I thought there was something inherently wrong with the way I presented myself. I convinced my mother to take me to the store, and I bought wedge heels and gaudy jewelry I did not like to wear with my uniform--replacing my autobot necklace and sweatband. In another class I was teased for not shaving and for having ugly feet, so I learned to paint my nails, file my heels, and shave every bit of hair on my body--the echo of my father saying that since I grew pubic hair, I was now a woman and held accountable for all of my sins an echo on the cusp of my mind. I did everything in my power to be more pretty and girly. I used to be loud and rambunctious, and began to go silent and demure.

I remember walking up to the class in the new get-up that was certainly not me. I felt that I would be accepted but as I walked up...I fell flat on my ass. I couldn’t walk in the heels. They all pointed and laughed at me, and the abuse continued in even higher intensity. It was until the next semester that I fought back by throwing a desk at two of my abusers who followed me to the next rotating elective, screaming and snarling at them to leave me alone. Those two in particular stopped, but abuse from others continued for many years in many instances. I developed an eating disorder, continued self harming, and began to try and form femininity and “attractiveness” to the best of my ability. I added things like bows and kitty ears and flower crowns to my wardrobe--sure they were cute, and I did like them in a way, but it felt like putting on a costume or some sort of womanly obligation. It didn’t feel like me. Years later, I was told by someone I trusted that I was “too fat to wear pants”, which I internalized and began to only wear dresses--same thing with feeling like I was wearing a costume. I tried to be beautiful. I wanted to be butch, be myself, but I felt that if I was a cute and girly girl, demure and sweet, I wouldn’t be a target. I would be loved.

And so I locked myself away.

My relationship with my mother was a rocky one. She is definitely a sick and broken person, but I doubt she will ever get help. She swings between extremes, and I was always her doll and punching bag. She had a habit of pushing and pushing, finding all the littles holes in me that triggered autistic meltdowns and despair. She criticized everything about me, from my weight and height to my blaming me for how tangled my hair was. She entered me in sports and spelling bees with gentle but insisting prodding about how good I would be when I would rather be reading or playing, and when I got frustrated she would say it was my choice...when in reality I just wanted her approval. When I got older, and especially after my father killed himself, I began to fight back and question her authority though--sometimes violently. She didn’t like that, and was violent right back, and oftentimes first. I struggled my whole life with blaming myself for my outbursts and reactions, but through therapy I have learned I was a child being gaslit and abused, shown that violence was the only answer… And through therapy, I have learned to do better and grow. The worst instance of abuse was me having an autistic meltdown where I said that we should both just die and her response was to pull out a gun and point it at me--I collapsed down into our trash covered room (I was forced to share a bed with her) and pleaded with her to stop. She threatened to kill me and help me out since I was so suicidal, then turned the gun on herself and threatened to kill herself, in which I had to talk her down. When the gun was down, I fled in a flurry of tears and barely contained screams. It was truly the most horrible moment of my life, and I still struggle with the ptsd of that moment to this day. I was only fourteen.

All that background to say, my mother was extremely possessive of my body. She seemed to love to touch my breasts and butt, jerk me around, slap my butt, watch me get dressed. When I begged her to stop, she would tell me that she made that body and could do whatever she wanted to it. I found messages on her phone of her talking to guys about having sex with me and stealing my panties. She wouldn’t let me do my own hair because I couldn’t do it right. She wouldn’t let me bathe alone until I was over ten years old. I didn’t ever have my own room until I was 18 and shared it with my partner. She never let me play with my hair and kept a close eye on what I wore. This combined with my very religious Christian father, who said things like “if you know more song lyrics than bible verses when you die, you’ll go to hell” and the aforementioned accountability, along with things like letting me know he loved God more than me and always seeming to walk in while I was changing… I always felt owned by something. I never felt like my body or my identity belonged to me alone. And so it was extremely difficult to explore myself.

Sexual exploration became an outlet. I was asexual and didn’t possess sexual attraction or a desire for coital sex (still don’t), but I enjoyed kink play with my partner and playing with myself. I enjoyed porn, mostly stories. I always felt drawn to mlm porn, but never understood why. I saw myself in the big, fat men of the stories. I wished it could be me, wished I was a big hairy man like that. Wished I could be loved like that. Reading those types of erotica always got me off and made me feel relaxed and fulfilled, no matter what kink it regarded. Of course my mom would slutshame me without even knowing what I got up to, but sexual activity and pornography helped me find solace and ownership of my body. When I was aroused and taking care of myself, being taken care of, or taking care of someone else, I felt like I was finally in control of my body and my happiness. I had been sexually abused in different ways by different people throughout my life, and finding a certain safety and security in the kind of sexual activity I explored made me feel like...me. I found myself in those big men, but still didn’t make the connection that I was not cis.

It wasn’t until many years that I began to question my gender. First nonbinary, then agender, then genderfluid, then bigender, then nonbinary again, now finally transmasc. I am autistic and struggle with a resistance to change. I have struggled with shifting my name because it feels like a betrayal to become something new. So I have become Charis instead of Charissa...but I think I may be Myles instead. Since I have struggled with abuse and feeling owned my whole life, it is scary to take my self creation into my own hands. People I am close to have expressed concern and dislike for my transition--especially my mother. I came out to her two days ago over the phone when she guessed I was transgender--or “wanted a sex change” as she put it. She outed me to her anti-lgbt boyfriend without my consent, and now they want to have a discussion. She cried and told me it was too much and she couldn’t talk yet. I am still unsure of what to do about it. I know my mother is broken, and has come far from the cruelty she was once capable of--but she still swings. I see those shattered pieces and their sharp edges and know they have the ability to cut. It is terrifying.

Coming out, especially after so many years of abuse, has been absolutely terrifying and difficult. I am still navigating how to do it, especially with a name change. The clinic I am going to for hrt screwed up with their scheduling and had to reschedule me for later this month, a frustrating thing. I am looking forward to starting hrt, but also scared how people will treat me once those changes begin happening. Even with these fears and struggling with my interpersonal relationships...this is the greatest choice I have ever made. It is my truth and my freedom, and I will fight against that fear to become my most authentic self. I have an incredible partner by my side, and with their support and my own self love, I can do anything.

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petitelepus · 4 years ago

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25 Days of MTMTE Christmas, Part 25, Christmas Sweater

It’s Christmas Eve on Lost Light and everyone is all dressed up.

Merry Christmas everyone! I understand that this has been a hectic year and there are people who can’t celebrate Christmas like they would like to because of the Coronavirus so I hope that ‘25 Days of MTMTE Christmas’ has been lightening your dark nights and made you smile even the tiniest bit.

I want to thank my beloved friend @missykitty! She read every single chapter and edited them, gave me inspiration, corrected my spelling and choice of words because English isn’t my first language or even second. She made this story possible.

I want to also thank you all for reading and enjoying my stories. I write to bring joy to people and I have been extra diligent this year. I wish you all Merry Christmas and thank you for being so strong.

You loved the holidays! You always had. Christmas was the time of joy and celebration with loved ones. The exact things that you were missing from Earth. Here in space, in a whole other galaxy, you had found a new family. Your found family made sure that you had everything you ever needed or desired, and you loved them back with your whole heart. But none of them celebrated Christmas, so you felt lonesome and nostalgic for your Christmas traditions. You rode your hover scooter through the empty halls before arriving at the mess hall for dinner. It was a bit depressing that your Christmas dinner would be the same as any other day. You were shocked out of your thoughts when you realized that the mess hall was deserted. Where was everyone? You looked around in confusion. Usually, the hall would be filled with hungry Autobots around the clock, but now the place looked abandoned. You felt even more depressed at the thought of eating your Christmas dinner all alone. You despondently made your way to your usual spot. Your eyes widened in surprise at the sight of a handwritten note on the table. 'Come to the meeting room!' They didn’t forget about you after all! Aww, how sweet they were. You were curious about what they had planned for today. You couldn't help but smile excitedly as you picked up the note and left to go where you were instructed. You arrived at the door. You could hear voices coming from inside. Was everyone there just waiting for you? You smiled to yourself. You left your scooter at the side of the door, and pressed the buzzer. The voices inside halted instantly. You put in the code and entered. You were surprised to see that it was pitch black in the room. You clapped your hands to activate the lights. What you saw took your breath away. "Merry Christmas!" Everybody cheered. You were stunned at the sight. You were expecting to see your Cybertronian friends, but instead the room was filled with humans. Humans you didn't know. You weren't that good with people back on Earth, so just how bad you were going to be with them in space? You were about to bolt, but this short stocky man approached you. He was wearing blue shield-style sunglasses. Oh God, he had a Christmas sweater on. A bright red sweater that read 'He Sees You When You're Drinking' in white bold letters. You stared at his sweater. You absolutely adored so-called ‘Ugly Christmas Sweaters’. You didn't even know why for sure, but they were funny and quirky. You made it a tradition to check secondhand stores for rejected Christmas sweaters. When you were younger, you were teased for wearing them. Then they became popular, and even your former bullies started wearing them to ‘Ugly Christmas Sweater’ parties. You were annoyed about that, but at least now you could share your love of tacky things with others. "Hi, yes, we are happy you made it!" The man said happily in a voice you knew. You blinked. "Swerve, is that you?" "Yeah, it's me! Everyone is here also!" He said happily. He stepped closer to you. "It was mine and Rewind's idea to use our human avatars to make you feel at home. How do you like it?" Well, you were speechless and taken aback at how sweet their intentions were. You smiled and were about to answer the bartender, but then your eyes landed on him. "OhmyGod!OhmyGod! Oh! My! God!" You squealed. You quickly covered your mouth when you realized just how loud you were being. "I can't, I just can't...!" "What?? What is it?!" Swerve asked in a panic, fearing that he and others had messed up somehow and offended you. But you didn't respond. You ran straight to this tall woman wearing a beautiful purple Victorian-style dress. But it wasn't her you were squealing for. It was a toddler wearing a blue polar bear sweater with an actual crystal blue pacifier clipped to the material. The little guy even had blue sunglasses similar to Swerve’s. "E-Excuse me, Ma’am, bu-but could I hold your baby?" You asked barely keeping your composure as you looked at the little guy. The woman smiled slightly, and… Oh no, she was hot. She lifted the toddler out of the baby carrier on her chest, and offered him to you. "Hold him carefully,” she said.

You nodded as you took the toddler from her arms and pulled him close.

"Oh my God, you're so cute! Where have you been hiding all my life, you little cutie pie?"

Okay, you were totally baby-talking to the cutest child you may have ever seen. Your voice had probably raised an octave, and you weren’t worried about controlling the volume of your voice anymore. Maybe you sounded ridiculous, but your heart was mush and you had no shame.

"I'm not a baby, or whatever it is!" The child suddenly exclaimed. You blinked in surprise. You looked at the child carefully, and saw a light blue ‘T’ on the child's adorable sailor hat. And that voice...!

"Tailgate? Is that you?" You asked.

The child nodded. "Yes!"

"Oh, Tailgate..." You sighed in joyful surprise. Then you smiled even wider before hugging the mini-human. "You're so freaking cute!"

"Nooo…! I'm ferocious!" Tailgate cried.

You turned to look at the tall woman that had been holding Tailgate before. "Cyclonus?"

"That would be me,” she, no, he said. "You look amazing,” you said. "Thank you." You gave Tailgate back to Cyclonus, then turned to gaze at the rest of the holoforms mingling in the room. One by one, you recognized familiar features in these human forms. You jumped over to a tall young man, with a dark flame tattooed arm, wild auburn hair, and a handsome smile. He was wearing a short-sleeved sweater that read 'You Can Get On My Naughty List Anytime'. You grinned. "Rodimus! You look great! Very hot!" You joked, winking at him. "I know.” You giggled as Rodimus licked the tip of his digit and then pressed it to his hip, making a hissing noise. You turned to see a young lady wearing a dark blue sweater with so much text on it that you had to squint to see what was written there. 'Santa Saw Your Facebook Pictures, You're Getting Clothes And A Bible For Christmas'. Ouch. Only one mech would approve of a shirt like that. "Ultra Magnus, sir? Is that you?" You asked. The woman holoform nodded. You grinned and pointed at his sweater. "That sweater looks good on you." "Thank you. Although, I have no clue what this ‘Facebook’ is. I presume that it's a device or program that keeps records of criminals and persons of interest. That sounds like a good idea to me." You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from laughing. Instead, you clapped. "Wonderful sweater. Truly." You moved on to the next mech and--Oh! Who was this big silver fox standing before you, tall and proud in a sweater that had 'Naughty' and 'Nice' with checkboxes in front of each… but the checkbox in front of 'I Tried' was the one that was check-marked. You barely paid any attention to the text, rather watching how the sweater was stretched across his broad chest and muscled biceps... "It's Megatron,” Rodimus butted in from behind you. You nodded mindlessly, almost in a trance as you ogled the former criminal. DAMN! IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO BE THAT SEXY. The old man sighed, misinterpreting your look. "I was persuaded to use my avatar, and get some kind of ugly clothing that humans wear." "Megatron...! Wow…” you said, blinking like a deer in headlights. "Like WOW." "Yeah, yeah, we get it. So he is handsome for a human! So what!" Someone yelled. You glanced over your shoulder, and saw the most badass looking teen girl you had ever seen. She had long blue hair in pigtails, and an eyepatch over the left eye... "Whirl?!" You accidentally shouted. The girl, no, Whirl stopped pushing you away from Megatron. He struck a pose to show off to you. "Yeah, it is I, fleshie. Admit it - I look badass,” he said. You took in his dark blue sweater that read: 'Dear Santa, Define Naughty'. "I had spiked knee guards also, but Magnus said they were too much,” Whirl complained. You snorted. "What a tragedy." Whirl said some colorful words to you, but you laughed it off. You turned away, and came face-to-face with two men, one tall and dark-haired, and the other short and blond. You blinked and tilted your head, wondering who they could be. Then you noticed the camera in the blond man's hands. "Rewind! And Chromedome!" You exclaimed. They smiled at you in response. "How did you figure it out?" Chromedome asked. "Rewind's camera. Also, your matching sweaters." You laughed and pointed at their sweaters. Chromedome's said 'World's Okayest Elf' and Rewind's read 'I'm Not Short I'm Just A Tall Elf'. You smiled at them before moving through the crowd again, until you saw a man with glasses and carrot-red hair. He was certainly smart looking. You knew a few smart mechs, but you were sure you knew which one this was. "Rung! You look amazing!" The distinguished-looking man before you smiled and confirmed your guess to be right. Honestly? You would tap that ass. His sweater read: 'Santa Loves A Hot Cookie'. You giggled lightly. Then you noticed two smokin’ hot ladies that you recognized as Nautica and Velocity, and two hot men talking with them, likely Brainstorm and Perceptor. Nautica's sweater was bright purple and read: 'But First Let Me Take An #elfie'. Velocity's had a cat on it and read: 'Happy Hannukkat'. Brainstorm’s read: 'Santa Is Real In At Least 370 Alternate Realities'. And Perceptor...! Oh, Percy must have lost a bet or something, because he had a sweater that read: 'I Am Your Present', and there was an arrow that happened to be pointing at Brainstorm at any given moment. Finally, the last pair. You smiled when you saw them. Drift was a handsome young man with ink black hair. Ratchet was a scruffy-bearded man whose hair and beard were red streaked with white. Drift was wearing a sweater that said: 'While You Were Decorating The House I Studied The Blade'. Ratchet's sweater had a huge picture of Grumpy Cat that simply said 'NO'. You slowly made your way through the crowded room, making sure to say hello to everybot present. Besides being polite, you just had to check out all of the ‘Ugly Christmas Sweaters’. They were all amazing! You had never seen so many ‘Ugly Christmas Sweaters’ in one place! More than that, they all had been thinking about you, and how you might be missing human company. Just seeing them all gathered together made you feel like you were back on Earth for Christmas, surrounded by family and friends. You nearly cried at the thought. "Um, can I have everyone's attention?" You said, trying to raise your voice loud enough to fill the room. Every bot in a human disguise turned to look at you. You coughed awkwardly into your fist, then smiled tremulously, trying not to cry. "I just wanted to thank you all. For the amazing surprise. I love all of your sweaters – you all look great. You all are like a family to me, and I hope you feel the same way." Everyone cheered loudly. You blushed in embarrassment, but then Swerve rushed up to you, with Rung following closely behind in a more subdued manner. You smiled at both of them. "Thank you so much, you guys. I couldn't dream of a better surprise." "Oh, but this is just the beginning," Rung said with a mysterious smile. You blinked in confusion. "What?" "We just needed to buy some time while Lug and Anode finished at my place!" Swerve said. Lug and Anode…! You hadn’t seen them here at all! How could you have forgotten them?! Then Swerve took your hand in his to lead you to the next surprise. Everyone followed behind, laughing and whispering behind your back. When you entered Swerve’s, you could barely believe what you saw. Christmas decorations everywhere, gleaming and shining! You could even smell something delicious wafting in the air. "Don't tell me you cooked?" You asked in shocked disbelief. Just as you finished speaking, Lug and Anode came from the bar's backroom with their servos holding trays heaped with different Earth foods traditional for Christmas. There were also energon treats for your Cybertronian friends. Just when you were sure the party couldn't get any better, somebody put Christmas music on to play. You turned to look at the bots standing all around you. "Is it-Is it okay to eat?" Everyone gave you a clear go-ahead, so you began to take helpings of everything so as not to disappoint any of your friends that had worked so hard. Surprisingly, they had nailed it for most of the foods. Though the cranberry sauce was accidentally made with cherries, and the chocolate mousse was too sweet, they were still delicious. When you couldn’t eat any more, you thought that the good time would end there… but you thought wrong. Somehow Swerve had gotten his servos on the Cybertronian equivalent of a karaoke machine. Brainstorm and Perceptor had its files updated with all of the top hits from Earth. There were over 1,000 songs per country, so you had an overwhelming number of options. Some Christmas songs, both classic and new, were included as well. To start, Rodimus rocked the song 'The Phoenix' by Fall Out Boy. With that magnificent show of talent, charisma, and showmanship, others were then itching to get a turn of their own. Nautica, Velocity, and Rewind sang 'Bubblegum Bitch' together. Ultra Magnus sang 'It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas'. You insisted on singing a song called 'Do It For Her/Him' from Steven Universe with Cyclonus. The purple mech thought it was silly to sing a song from a human cartoon, but when he sang, he gave Tailgate meaningful looks. And you? You might have winked Megatron's way a couple of times. You were really enjoying yourself - the party was amazing. It was everything that you could have hoped for. Nothing could top this. Or so you thought, until you were asked to close your eyes and hold your arms out. "Guys, you aren't going to prank me, or do anything to me that will end up on Youtube??" You asked nervously. You heard a snicker from Rewind. "Don't worry! We won't!" "I can hear that camera rolling, Rewind!" You snapped. You jumped when something was placed in your hands. "Open your eyes." You opened one eye at first, then the other. You couldn't believe it. It was a sweater, unbelievingly soft, knitted in your favorite colors. Even better, in the middle of the oversized sweater was a large red Autobot symbol. You stared at it, eyes wide. When you finally raised your head, you had tears in your eyes. "Y-You're giving this to me?" "We had to pull some strings, and call in some favors, but yes." Rodimus smiled as bright as the sun from back home. "You're officially an Autobot now." You couldn't hold back your tears anymore. There was no greater honor than to be admitted to the Autobot order. You started to cry, but the tears were those of pure joy. You sniffled and wiped your face before looking at your dear friends. "C-Can I put it on?" They nodded, and you wasted no time. You pulled the sweater over your head, and then smoothed down your hair. The sweater was a few sizes bigger than your usual size, but that only made it comfier. You smiled, and almost wiped your nose on the sleeve, but you stopped yourself and instead used a napkin. "It's both the ugliest pretty sweater and the prettiest ugly sweater I have ever seen. I love it,” you admitted, your voice wobbly. Your fellow Autobots all said ‘Awww!’ at your emotional display. You opened your arms wide and waiting, and the bots got the idea. They all closed in for a group hug, lifting you off of your feet. You were surrounded by those you loved dearly, and you didn’t regret leaving Earth for a second. "Merry Christmas!" You all cheered, echoing each other.

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geminiofpluto · 4 years ago

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So I’m going to talk about Transformers Earthrise

I kinda just wrote each thing after each episode so I won’t forget much.

I’m writing what I remember from each episode

🚨SPOILERS AHEAD🚨

Episode 1: Elita is cool as ever, freeing Decepticons and pulling out “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings” on Jetfire when he was questioning why she wanted to free them.

And then Steeljaw :( He was in cassette mode when they were hurting him. Makes me sad thinking about it. If Blaster is going to make an appearance, I hope Steeljaw will be with him.

Also, I need to know what’s up with Megatron having Ultra Magnus’s head on his table and just talking to him like a normal conversation.

There’s a happy Red Alert moment when he talks about how happy he is to have someone on their team who can fly. I’m calling for a Red Alert and Jetfire friendship.

Megatron acknowledges that Elita is a good leader and saying she could’ve been leaderbof the Autobots instead,. He may have started a war but he still knows what’s good.

The bots at Section 12... I loved them, they were so nice to Megatron and were admiring him a lot. It’s easy to tell it hurt him very much to have to “sacrifice” them for the project. I’m pretty sure all of us were sad. Those three bots were very nice.

Episode 2:

Elita is once again acknowledged by Megatron she is a good leader. He even called her Ariel. I’m wondering if we’ll see the past between them.

When Megatron put them in the cylinder thingies, the Decepticons the Autobots frees the first episode came to save them.

The bot even said “Til all are one”

And Skyfire... this huge dude really did just fall against the glass wall while they were trying to escape all stealth mode.

Luckily Skytread let them escape. It was funny when he asked one of them to punch cause Chromia was like “on sight, bro” and went for it. Like I love Chromia. :D

We also get to see our bots on the Ark again! And we get to see the mercenaries too.

We get to see conehead seekers again dudes! And this is my first time seeing Doubledealer on the screen(might be his first time? I honestly don’t know)

What’s with the gray colored Bumblebee, Wheeljack, and Hound? But yet again, it could just be reusing the same models.

Where’s tiny man Prowl? Where’s Ratchet?

When G. Bumblebee said “Where’s the ugly looking one?”, I was like “sir, you looked in a mirror lately?”

Quintessons! And for some reason, blue spirit mask looking Deseeus just cut off all the Qunitesson other faces just cause she wanted a consensus? Damn

Episode 3: Oh no sad Optimus. D:

BUMBLEBEE!! HE’S GOT THE SIGIL NOW!!

Ooh Ratchet and Wheeljack are working together.

“Bumblebee is correct-“

“I am?!”

Ayyy more Elita and co, they even got a bunch of Decepticon with them. Oop the Reflector with the scars is named Scrapface.

Elita seems more chill with Jetfire now. More friendships! I really like seeing Elita and her group.

Also the Autobots found the Nebulon station.

THERE’S SOMETHING ON THE STATION! WHAT THE FAQ IS ON THE STATION

Bee and Prime walked through the space bridge, and the other side of beautiful. It’s got a similar terrain like Earth’s. It’s leafy and green and colorful.

Oop it’s a giant scorpion on the ship. Is it Scorponok?

Yep it’s Scorponok.

Elita and co are going to stop the remaining Decepticons from getting harvested by the Shockwave. How nice of them :3

ONEGA SUPREME! oh wait dangit it’s a mirage.

Damn Scorponok is tall. He looks like Devestator and RID01 Megatron had a baby.

So Megs finally caught up with the Ark.

Episode 4: I love Ironhide. He may have few moments, but he’s still my fav.

Optimus noooooo

Bumblebee was trying to help, but Optimus is over here being a worried dad.

Ooh, Megatron really shot Scorponok to say “Optimus Prime is mine!”

Soundwave has unleashed his cat :0

Prime’s just trying protect his kids.

So they got knocked out from the blast, and Ravage was sniffing Starscream to check if he was alive, but the dude shoved him off. Rude, he making sure you live.

He thinks Megs is dead so now he’s leader.

Now Prime and Megatron are stuck in a room together, and now they’re talking. Megatron’s got a girder in his chest and he slowly dying.

Here’s a picure I got of the scene ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The bots and cons are working together now! S not for now though.

Then Starscream starts talking shit to Megs and when he’s done talking about how he’d be a better leader, he says “What’s your argument?”

Megatron just shoots him. Ravage then checks on him again, but he shoves him off again. Why is he so rude?

Oop bots be out here calling Megatron a Quintesson and he’s offended. Quite hilarious

Starscream is really taking command and tossing Barricade aside. Starscream I love you but push him again and I’ll fight you.

So now something happened to the Nemesis ship, or perhaps it was the Ark.

Episode 5: Alpha Trion and Sky Lynx!! Sky Lynx wants to be a Prime too.

So the Autobots are in the Dead Universe. Sky Lynx is still alive and can apparently hear all.

Andddd he’s got some spiritual power and talking to Optimus now.

Sky Lynx is now humbled, I think he’s gonna join the Autobots.

So Megatron alive and he’s boutta pimp slap him.

GALVATRON?! where’d he come from?!

Sky Lynx is really making sad.

And now Galvatron doing the same spiritual thing to Megatron.

OP, let Sky Lynx go with you! Let him be redeemed.

Now Sky Lynx seems to be mentoring OP.

Optimus, Elita isn’t dead! She’s alive!

Yes, Megan. Don’t trust Galvatron! He’s trying to make you kill the bae.

Damn I keep forgetting how much the arena hurt Megatron mentally. :(

Ah yes, OP comforting Sky Lynx

Dang Galvatron don’t got them lips.

Woah the hate plague appears again? Damn Megan what you doing?

Sky Lynx NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

What what Unicron and the golden discs! And now the bots are before Earth. It’s building up to Kingdom!

Episode 6: Megatron still after OP I see.

Wow Arcee strong enough to chokehold Starscream. ,,•^•,,

YES COG, QUESTION OP. Optimus, why you holding a gun to Megatron, trying to force him to accept your apology and forgive you.

COG NOOOOOOO

ah yeah more Elita and co screentime.

Shockwave stalking Elita with a invisibility cloak

And now OP and Megatron yelling and fighting. OP’s officially lost it guys

Ooh Bumblebee is taking charge

Ooh the mercenary gray Wheeljack is named Exhaust and the gray Bumblebee is named Bug Bite

Lol Elita tripped on air. Nvm it was Shockwave.

Shockwave actually believes Elita knew the Guardians.

And now Elita and her team have been compromised. :(

Doubledealer nooooo. Deseeus better let him go

COG, YOU’RE ALIVE?!

okay so Spinister caught Elita’s team, Shockwave has Elita.

COG NOOOO! cog :,(

ELITA NOOOO

EVERYONE NOOOOOOOOO :,,,,0

oh shit Megs got the Matrix, and he calling OP Orion

YEAH BEE! SHOOT MEGS

oh no he got away with the Matrix

Ooh Earth!

RAPTOR! RAPTOR! DINOBOT!!!!!

I finished it ;-; Hope you guys liked the show cause I think it was good.

I miss Cog and Elita ;-;

Also very sad there’s no Sunstreaker

#transformers optimus #transformers megatron #elita 1 #transformers siege #transformers skyfire #transformers earthrise #transformers post #transformers netflix #transformers #geminiofpluto

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mk-wizard · 4 years ago

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Top 10 Handsomest Transformers (by Transformer standards)

Hello, dear fans.

I decided to do a lighthearted and insightful post on Transformer culture. Specifically, one we don’t talk about a lot: beauty standards. While we as fans have a most popular list, if we were to look at the beauty standards of Transformers namely for men, we would be very surprised at who qualifies as handsome and who is not. After a lot of research, I made of a top ten list of the handsomest mechs according to Transformer standards and why they qualify.

I must warn in advance that who will be on the list may shock you even more than who won’t be.

1- Wheeljack - Like I warned, you will be surprised by who qualifies as handsome by Transformer standards. Since the days of G1, Wheeljack is considered as a hunk because he is so mechanical looking. Among Transformers, the more mechanical a mech (man) looks, the more virile he is considered though there are exceptions as we shall see. And no one looks more robotic than this jovial mad scientist especially with those things on his head. Hasbro seems to recognise and accept that he’s a looker too hence why his design has gotten handsomer and manlier over the years namely with the sophisticated looking beard and muscles. So after all this time, Jack’s had the best of both worlds.

2- Skywarp - Though the seekers all look the same to us, to Transformers, they each look distinct and Skywarp is considered as the handsome one due to his colouring, his finish and having the most athletic frame. Plus, even his face is considered as handsome by Transformer standards as he is always presented with a big grin with bright white teeth. In fact, he even managed to charm the Autobot Arcee at one time and I doubt she’s the only femme he managed to swoon.

3- Beast Wars Megatron - Speaking of purple mechs with great teeth, Megatron from Beast Wars may have been hateable, but he was very handsome by Transformer standards and might I add, well dressed to them. I guess being raised in the mafia taught taught him how to dress well and present yourself like a gentleman. And even Megatron’s voice was to his credit as smooth as his finish and even the way he would say his catchphrase “yes” had a sexy tone to it. Sadly, once he became a dragon and everything after, he became disfigured. Oh well. At least he still had his smooth voice.

4- Jazz - Like Wheeljack, Jazz was always one of the lookers since the days of G1 for the same reasons as the mad genius. His helm and his visor make him look like a stylish Robocop. Plus, his black and white armour are not a far cry from a tuxedo. If that’s not enough, he has the personality to sell it all.

5- Knockout - While he is not as mechanical looking as the others in this list, he qualifies as handsome for being a trend setter and because of how well he maintains himself. It seems constant buffing and picking an alt mode that flatters his body type paid off. Plus, the hairstyle styled helm makes the look complete. Also, those brows adorning his dark optics are so well trimmed, they make me jealous. When you know how to dress and groom yourself this well, it will pay off.

6- Rodimus Prime aka Hotrod - While becoming promoted to Prime made him look more mature, it actually added to his looks. Like Knockout, Rodimus isn’t very mechanical looking which is to be expected because he has the doll body type, but in his case, it makes him look like a superhero. And we tend to forget that he sported flames first. His red and gold colouring along with those wings also elevate his look making him appear as royalty. I guess you could say that among the Autobot, he would be “Prime Charming”.

7- Alpha Trion - I never said that the most handsome would only be among the young. Alpha Trion’s wizard like appearance proves to what extent age is just a number even among Transformers. Like Rodimus, he has the doll body type hence why he can grow facial hair as only dolls can grow hair at all. Plus, he sports a cape and a knight style armour which gives him a rather romantic appearance. While it may seem like an odd choice to us, among Transformers, Alpha Trion would be considered as what many mechs hope to look like in their silver years.

8- Leader-1 - This GoBot would be considered as the Dwayne Johnson of Transformers as he has the best of both the mechanical and doll like features. He has the face of an action figure, the body of an athlete and an armour that is well ahead of its time. In fact, even Crasher admitted to having an attraction to him and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the Guardian femmes had an attraction to him.

9- Skyfire - As well as having the best mechanical features, Skyfire has features that would be considered as angelic which is fitting of a large seeker. To the Transformers, he is a real world white knight in shining armour and not just because he is white. His armour is blocky yet the edges are smooth giving him a softer and more innocent appearance.

10- Sunstreaker - As annoying as his vanity can be, we have to admit that he is a golden child in looks. By Transformer standards, Sunstreaker has a sweet baby face, he is very symmetrical, he is mechanical looking and he has head adornments as well.

Now, I know you’ve probably noticed that I didn’t include Optimus, Megatron, Bumblebee or Starscream on this list. While they are good looking by human standards, the reality is that among Transformers, they are not handsome. Bumblebee is cute, but too juvenile looking, Starscream is just average in most incarnations and his Prime version would be considered as too skinny to most for a mech, and believe it or not, Optimus and Megatron are actually what they would consider as ugly.

I hope this list gave you some insight as to what Transformer beauty standards are like and just because they call these mechs handsome doesn’t mean you have to agree. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.

If you have a Transformer theory or analysis you want explored, let me know in my ask box.

I don’t claim any of the pictures. I give credit to their artists. I just borrowed them for this list.

#transformers #transformers fandom #optimus prime #rodimus prime #starscream #bumblebee #handsome #most handsome #transformers fanfiction #transformers fanart #wheeljack #jazz #sunstreaker #skyfire #beast wars megatron #leader-1 #skywarp #alpha trion

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thanksjro · 5 years ago

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Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #4: This Series is Awash With Lippy Sons of Guns

Issue #4 starts off with an uncomfortably handsome Prowl. I mean honestly, look at this asshole, he’s simply too pretty.

I don’t think Roche has ever drawn the guy ugly, but this is on another level.

We’re in a flashback sequence here, as we start to gain an understanding of just why exactly Ironfist got put on the Wreckers in the first place. Back when he was working at Kimia, Ironfist got a call from Prowl. Seems Prowl’s read his work, and is impressed by the sheer amount of effort he’s put into it. They chat a bit about it, but no call with Prowl is ever casual, and he asks Ironfist if he’s ever been interested in actually being a Wrecker. Which, of course he has, but he’d never exactly been cut out for that kind of work, especially after his Accident™. Prowl has a little push in that area, because he’s Prowl, and makes a deal; Ironfist joins the Wreckers as a weapon expert, and in exchange he does something for Prowl.

We won’t find out what exactly Ironfist’s agreed to do until later, as we jump back to the present, where the Guzzle and Kup are about to lay the smackdown on some unsuspecting Decepticons.

With how many cameras are currently trained on you guys, I can’t say you really have the time for wisecracks, old-timer.

That big vault door behind them leads to the cell of one of the most notorious Autobots ever to grace the galaxy- Grimlock. This is the “help” Springer requested they find, meaning that he’s a sort of last resort, which tells you just how much of a powerhouse the guy is. Volatile, sure, but a powerhouse regardless.

Too bad the cell’s empty.

Snare steps in to explain just why that is, having snuck up on our Big Gulp duo.

Well I’m sure that won’t be a plot point later on.

Of course, Guzzle doesn’t really feel inclined to believe a word of what this Getaway kitbash says, and starts threatening to shoot him. Snare however, has even more secrets to tell.

Perceptor and pals have finally discovered just what the hell it is that they’ve been looking for all this time. Aequitas is a supercomputer, and a massive one at that. They’re here to download its memory files. Topspin is less than pleased with this whole thing.

Ironfist agrees- there’s no way they’re going to be able to get all the data in Aequitas downloaded before the Decepticons get through to them and tear them to pieces. Verity, however, is more concerned about the size of the computer itself.

A large part of Aequitas is made up of something called a culpability drive, which breaks down factors like motivation and accountability into a streamlined equation so it can do something completely ridiculous: calculate guilt. Yes, someone had the bright idea to break down guilt into a binary system, without any “human” element involved. Because that couldn’t possibly backfire.

Then the narrative catches up to Topspin, and Ironfist and Verity get put on babysitting duty while he deals with his phantom pain. Pyro’s made to help Perceptor with booting up the computer.

Over with Springer, he and Impactor have a little heart-to-heart, while Twin Twist is passed out with a shadow over his face, probably waiting for the horrific reveal of what the dentist’s done to him. Springer feels really bad about Impactor having been sent to Garrus-9; he’d figured that after the trial, Impactor had been sent to rehab, or at least a prison that wasn’t quite as torturey.

Impactor points out that Springer’s testimony at Aequitas was pretty damning, and I’m starting to wonder why Springer didn’t see this coming. Unless they somehow managed to move that massive friggin’ supercomputer in the last few years, Impactor’s trial happened on Garrus-9. Kind of seems like a foregone conclusion that anyone who got put through the Aequitas wringer would end up staying if found guilty.

Impactor still doesn’t think that what he did was wrong, and the only reason they stop verbally duking it out is because Twin Twist does his dramatic face reveal and the dentist comes back in to finish off those fillings.

Funny, they had a similar setup at my old orthodontist’s.

As the dentist prepares to turn what’s left of Twin Twist’s face into the “Lust” scene from Se7en, we get back to the real point of this whole miniseries: fanwanking. Ironfist is telling Verity about the Decepticon’s answer to the Wreckers- Squadron X.

This group is made up entirely of characters who only existed in the Marvel UK comics, and even then only barely. This is convenient on multiple levels; it allows the Wreckers to have an antithesis to their own group that won’t disrupt any of the ongoing storylines outside of Last Stand of the Wreckers. Nobody’s really vying to use the guy who beat up a piano and then got thrown out of a bar, now are they?

It also allows you to use an already-established character that still has plenty of wiggle room for story application. No point in trying to make a new set of characters when we’ve got a bin full of nobodies off in the corner. Especially when we’re only going to have these guys around for a few minutes.

But we’ll get to that later.

Back to Ironfist’s story…

Oh hey Whirl.

Springer’s in a bit of a pickle- his lower half is trapped under a busted barricade, and Squadron X is closing in. Impactor has no intention of leaving Springer behind, so it’s time to get crazy. Springer tells Impactor to blast a hole through his TORSO so he can surprise-attack the approaching enemy. Impactor does so, reluctantly.

Please note that the emphasis is not mine, but the narrative’s.

That’s just a cool panel.

Once all that’s over and done with, Squadron X are all put into inhibitor harnesses to keep them from trying anything funny while in custody. But oh ho, what’s this? They’ve escaped! And they’ve ripped Sandstorm’s arm off! Surely, this must be dealt with, and who better suited for the job than the dude who’s been obsessed with taking these guys out for years now? Impactor gets to work.

And thus the day is saved, thanks to the Wreckers! Yaaay!

With Ironfist’s story concluded, Perceptor takes the time to mention that they’ve got a problem. Turns out Aequitas has some state-of-the-art security measures going on- in order to even turn the thing on, someone’s got to feed the thing their spark. You know, a robot soul. This thing runs on souls, and the donator has to be a willing participant otherwise it won’t work.

Well that’s awful convenient for you, now ain’t it, Percy?

I’m assuming they just never turned the thing off during the trials, otherwise they would have run out of juice very quickly.

So it’s slim pickings in terms of sparks. Perceptor’s playing IT, Topspin’s whole spark situation is a consent minefield, and Verity’s soul is the normal, human, intangible kind. And now we get to the part of our story that’s a little sad.

Pyro and Ironfist aren’t popular. They’ve never been in the spotlight. They aren’t important. They were brought on the Wreckers to die, plain and simple, because it’s a game of numbers, and their numbers are miles below the likes of Springer and Kup.

Pyro isn’t on-board with this at all, saying that this isn’t how it’s supposed to go down for him.

Say what you will about his delusions of grandeur, but this is a guy who knows what he wants.

While Pyro’s dreaming big, Topspin’s having a really bad time in the background. That vicarious perception’s hitting real hard right now.

Ironfist plays the child in a bitter divorce between Pyro and Verity as they argue over who the hell should die so the plot can keep moving. Ironfist has a lot to say, a lot that he really should say, but he doesn’t. He’s not proud of himself, or the things he’s done as a weapons’ expert. After reflecting on his life- a life that hasn’t been profoundly wondrous or meaningful- he concedes to being the one to die.

But that doesn’t happen, because Topspin takes matters into his own hands and puts the goddamn dog to sleep. The dog in this case being himself and Twin Twist. Aequitas thanks him for his donation, sucks out his spark, and over in the torture chamber Twin Twist explodes.

With the twins(?) dead, Aequitas is online, and not a moment too soon, because those Decepticons are starting to bring the door down. Perceptor hands a headphone jack to Ironfist, tells him to plug it into his brain, and to get ready for the hurt, because they’re about to download the entirety of this supercomputer into his head.

Back with Impactor, he’s about to get his cornea scratched, when Guzzle and Kup come to save the day, following Snare’s guidance.

I just want to say, Guzzle wins the Worst Crotch award. It’s simply awful.

So Kup and Guzzle free Springer and Impactor, just in time for Springer to revenge-stab the dentist with the torture stick. Too bad he’s already shot Snare.

Play… makes you free... in the prison that’s been turned into basically a death camp. Is… are we really doing the Holocaust parallels again? God, I hope I’m reading too much into that, I really do.

We finally find out what the prize for winning the Pit fights is: you can either fight Overlord, or kill yourself. Not much of a prize, if you ask me.

Speaking of the Blue Terror, he’s on his way over. Snare asks that Impactor just kill him, because there’s no way he’s going to risk being found out by Overlord that he was being sneaky. Impactor obliges, crushing his brain module between his fingers.

Then Overlord quite literally explodes into the room.

Back over in the Aequitas chamber, Ironfist’s just finished with his upload, and he’s shaken by what he now knows. The Decepticons have nearly broken down the door at this point, and there’s only one way to save themselves- they have to detonate the prisoners’ deterrence chips. This, of course, includes Impactor. Perceptor’s all for it, but Pyro’s wholly against the idea. Verity tries to put in her vote, but humans don’t have rights in the eyes of Wrecker law, so it all comes down to Ironfist.

You heard the man, let’s kill the purple guy.

#transformers #jro #last stand of the wreckers #issue 4 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing #wreckers trilogy

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anotherhumanpet · 5 years ago

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STUDY: Dennis Issac Micheal Wenny

— basics.

▸ is your muse tall/short /average? According to Google, the average height of a human male is 5 feet, 6 inches. So, seeing how Dennis stands at 5 feet, 8 inches at the ripe young age of 15 (and a half) I’m going to say he’s like average-tall. At this point in time, he’s more average than he is tall but given time (which he’ll never have because I ain’t aging him lololol) he’ll turn into a tall man.

▸ are they okay with their height? He’s okay with it. Sometimes he’d like to be taller because he thinks it’d make him more handsome or because he’s annoyed that he can’t quite reach something, but overall he’s content with his height. It is what it is and he’s still growing.

When he’s around the Autobots though (or the Decepticons) he really wishes he could be anything but small.

▸ what’s their hair like? Messy because that’s the Style™. Soft too, despite his lack of effort in caring for it or grooming. It has to stay in whatever bedhead style he wakes up with too because any sort of ruffling or messing with the hair makes his head feel weird/uncomfortable and he hates that feeling.

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their appearance / grooming? He showers and he brushes his teeth. That’s about as far as “grooming” goes for him unless you twist his arm and-or forcibly do his hair for him. And you’ll pay hell if you make him shave off his baby beard/mustache hairs.

▸ does your muse care about their appearance / what others think? He’s generally pretty apathetic about his appearance, but he also gets pretty self conscious about it when he’s meeting with someone important. Like, he knows he’s a dumb kid, but he doesn’t want to be seen as one just because he’s dressed comfortably.

— preferences.

▸ indoors or outdoors? Outdoors ▸ rain or sunshine? Rain ▸ forest or beach? Forest ▸ precious metals or gems? Metals ▸ flowers or perfumes? Flowers ▸ personality or appearance? Personality ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? Being in a crowd ▸ order or anarchy? Order ▸ painful truths or white lies? Painful truths ▸ science or magic? Science ▸ peace or conflict? Peace ▸ night or day? Night ▸ dusk or dawn? Dusk ▸ warmth or cold? Warmth ▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? A few close friends ▸ reading or playing a game? Playing a game.

— questionnaire.

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? Does leaping before looking count as a bad habit? What about staying up late on school nights? Or putting off homework because it’s frustrating him? Skipping chores because he doesn’t have to get them done until his dad is going to be home? If they count, then [gestures to them].

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? Losing his mom (she moved away during the divorce) has definitely made Dennis very clingy to his friends. While he wouldn’t outright say he feels abandoned by his mother, he has definitely developed abandonment issues and is afraid of everybody leaving him. If he could have it his way, everyone would stay right put and never go anywhere without him ever again.

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? Going out to play/explore the desert wilderness with Jack; Camping with his mother’s family and hiking with Uncle Jaden; Sitting down with Optimus when he first joined the team at a Denny’s restaurant (although he kind of hated that Optimus picked out Denny’s of all places) to have breakfast and talk about what the Autobots are, what they’re doing, and the choices Dennis had in joining or walking away; Riding the Omega Outpost elevator down with Hot Spot, snapping a quick selfie with him before they reached the ground floor.

▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? He says he could do it, but truthfully he’d hesitate so much he’s likely to get killed from it.

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? Big, ugly tears. Miss him with that “real men don’t cry” bullshit, because he’s sobbing his little heart out and then shutting himself in to avoid everyone.

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? He can - and has - put his entire life in the hands of the Autobots. There’s no other group he’d trust like that than them.

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? It’s Ride or Die with this kid. He’s with you until the end of the line and there’s no getting rid of him easily. You got to break his heart and burn the bridge before he’ll even think about going away forever and ever.

TAGGED BY: @dubious-signs (I’m so laaate but thank you Paris ;w;) TAGGING: @alacrityabound, @medicuum, @mightymegatron, @legattus

#About Dennis #head canon

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shikai-the-storyteller · 5 years ago

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CYBERVERSE WATCH: Season 3, Episodes 15, 16, 17, and 18!

MAN IM SO SAD THERE’S ONLY 4 EPISODES LEFT IN THIS SEASON....I’m really glad we got confirmed for a Season 3, but the thought of this show ending period makes me sad. I’m having so much fun watching it

Episode 15: Wiped Out

Alright enough moping around, let’s get down to business and actually start this episode

The Ark looks like Samus’ ship!

Omg Roddy and Bee complaining about their chores, they’re so cute....”I can’t believe Dad is making us scrub his car, ugh”

“I’m gonna buff the ugly out of you!” THERE IS NO UGLY, THERE IS ONLY CUTE

Optimus with his hands on his hips is so cute

Oh no is Rodimus going to go surf on the asteroids like in MTMTE--HE FRICKIN IS IM SHRIEKING!!!!!!!

RODIMUS PRIME ID DIE FOR YOU, YOU BIG DUMB JOCK

I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t want to join them though lmao, that looks fun as heck

Seeing Roddy flame out is so soul-soothing, Cyberverse was absolutely made with me in mind

OMG CAT ON A SURF BOARD “Behold! I am awesome!” YOU SURE ARE BUD

Oh no is that a sharkticon THEYRE TOTALLY SHARKTICONS

THEY’RE CALIFORNIAN IM SOBBING

CHEETOR IS SO NICE “Is this all of it?” PFT that dramatic zoom was great, I love the humor in this show

This means Bee and Rodimus probably got picked up by the other gang huh

“Yeah our world got destroyed but at least we still have this sick skate park left”

Omg it’s the Californians vs. the New Yorkers, I’m cryin

RODIMUS COME ON BUD, HAVE YOU GUYS LEARNED NOTHING FROM YOUR OWN GIANT CIVIL WAR

I love that Cheetor gets recruited and he’s like “Um I really don’t wanna”, Bee went with and even got painted all fancy but went “Cheetor! :D” upon seeing his bud, then Rodimus zooms in decked out in paint like he’s the king of the gang like “Yo back off from our skate park noobs” Hot Rod you’re terrible and I love you

“Wait was that one of my snouts” RODIMUS

LMAO WAY TO BE RACIST CHEETOR

They’re gonna get back to the Ark and Rodimus is gonna be like “WHAT’S UP OPTIMUS guess what we did? We joined a gang” and Optimus is going to be like [deep sigh]

Uh Cheetz what are you doing OH SNAP HE’S FIXING THEIR WORLD aw way to go Cheetor

Episode 16: Ghost Town

Oh no are they going to get to Cybertron finally and find it empty...or wait Cybertron is dead in this show already isn’t it. Are they gonna find out the ‘Cons already got to Cybertron and shoved Percy in a locker?

Oh snap what’s up with Windblade Oh no is this Starscream in disguise or something WHAT’S GOING ON

LMAO TELETRON X IS SERIOUSLY OUT HERE GIVING STARSCREAM THERAPY IM SCREAMING

“HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL!?”

Where is Rung when you need him

Is some kind of MetroTitan speaking to her or something, calling out for help?

oh absolutely this city looks like it’s part of some giant Titan, I AM LOVING THIS PLANET man whoever does the background drawings in this show does an awesome job

I I love that Optimus specifically says “We must help her” and not “we must stop her” or something, nice distinction

GO RODDY GO!!!!!!!

“I’ve determined you have an emotional need for someone to trust you” JUST STAB ME THROUGH THE HEART WHY DON’T YOU CYBERVERSE, IT’D BE LESS PAINFUL

*Flashbacks to Starscream on one knee, offering Jetfire his hand* GUHHHH

LMAO Teletron gave him more cell space and Starscream is immediately like “Haha IDIOT”

Well that can’t be good

YEAHHHH HOT ROD AND BEE WATCHING EACH OTHER’S BACKS, I LOVE THAT

METROTITAN METROTITAN METROTITAN METROTITAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Croatan!!!!! YOOO

“My citizens were taken from me” QUINTESSONS???

THAT BACKGROUND HISTORY ANIMATION IS SO PRETTY

AHHHH I CANT STOP GRINNING, I CAN”T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY HAD A METROTITAN IN THIS SHOW, THAT”S SO AWESOME, THIS IS SO COOL I”M LEGITIMATELY GETTING SHIVERS

Just goes to show not all red-eyed things are evil

Oh yeah Starscream escaped OH SHOOT HE’S WITH A TITAN NOW OH MAN??? OH MAN!?!?!?!?! I don’t know who I’m worried about more, Starscream or the Titan--well no, the Titan, Starscream is a menace and there’s no way he’s not gonna show up 10 episodes later using it as his latest new death machine to kill Megatron

Episode 17: Perfect Storm

Optimus sitting in his chair looking bored.....cute......

AW ARCEE IS SO CUTE Finally we get to see her do something. And she and Grimlock are buddies!! That’s sweet

Gosh that red nebula is GORGEOUS

Oh no is this going to be like some kind of storm that knocked everyone out while they were all gone

LMAO I love that they’re not even worried, they’re just like “UGH something happened while we weren’t here! >:/ ”

I LOVE ARCCEE SHE’S SO CUTE

OHHH I don’t know what those things are but they look pretty and dangerous

LMAO SHE JUST SHOVES HOT ROD OVER

ARCEE MIMICKING THEIR CRIES...THAT”S SO CUTE

LMAO THEY REALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK CAN THEY

GRIMLOCK AND ARCEE ARE JUST STANDING ON TOP OF THE SHIP FRICKIN MACHINE-GUNNING THESE COMETS DOWN IM CRYING

PEAK ARCEE CHARACTERIZATION RIGHT HERE I love that she’s snapchat girl AND machine gun warrior girl

They’re just hitting Cheetor on the Allspark....I love these morons....

UHHH ARCEE THAT SEEMS LIKE A BAD IDEA

LMAO “NO IM GONNA SACRIFICE MYSELF FIRST”

Wheeljack what were you doing back there

MEANWHILE THE SUPERNOVA’S ABOUT TO KILL THEM ALL gosh I love these dummies

I really hope they both just wind up powering it with botht heir sparks, that would be a nice middle-finger to the Soul Gem thing that happened in Endgame

LMAO I love the ominous music when Teletran X knocks on the window

That was such a cute episode :’)

Episode 18: The Crossroads

OHO SPACE BRIDGE

“I’m no Quintesson!” SO THERE ARE QUINTESSONS IN THIS SERIES....I BET THOSE ARE GONNA BE THE BIG BAD GUYS IN SEASON 3 also Wheeljack could you have said that in a way that was even SLIGHTLY less suspicious

CHROMIA CHROMIA CHROMIA CHROMIA!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH

Oh so Cybertron is still alive GOOD TO KNOW

UNSPACE?!

GASP there’s another autobot ship!?!

OH MY GOSH IS THIS GOING TO BE THE SHATTERED GLASS VERSION OF THEM!?

“I wish that made me feel good” Grimlock you’re so cute

Wheeljack PLEASE don’t touch it

THIS IS JUST LIKE MTMTE IM SCREAMING

OPTIMUS NO!!!!!!!

Oh ok they’re fine

OK BUT WHY WAS THERE ANOTHER ARK THERE

HOT ROD AND OPTIMUS

Is this some kind of weird time-space thing going on where they’re stuck in an infinite loop

“Grimlock hurt Grimlock feeling :(” THAT MADE ME SO SAD???? GRIMLOCK BE NICE TO YOURSELF

“Are you my Bee, or are you the new Bee?” MY BEE...THAT’S PRECIOUS

CYBERVERSE YOU CAN’T KEEP THROWING CUTE STUFF LIKE THIS AT ME, I CAN”T HANDLE IT, I’M GONNA GET TOO USED TO QUALITY CONTENT

Rodimus please don’t hit on yourself

IT”S A MULTIVERSE IM CRYIN. THEY REALLY DID DO AN “INTO THE CYBERVERSE” GOOF, I LOVE YOU CYBERVERSE WRITERS

I’m still so worried a Shattered Glass version of them is gonna pop up

But won’t that mean all of them will pop out in the same universe?

THERE”S SO MANY ARKS

All of them saying “Autobots Roll Out!” is so sweet...

OH NO THEY HAVE CHROMIA.....CHROMIA WHAT HAPPENED

EXTREMELY RARE BLESSED OPTIMUS SMILE....HE LOOKS SO SWEET.....

Dang boy Cybertron looks jacked up

NOOOOO IS THAT IT??? AM I REALLY GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT TIL NEXT YHEAR FOR SEASON 3??? Man those were such good episodes though, I can’t even get mad I LOVE CYBERVERSE SO MUCH Y’ALL......... :’) I’m so glad we have a series like this

#i talk #Cyberverse spoiler /#I'm watching Cyberverse #Primordial Robot Hell

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why-would-you-write-that · 5 years ago

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transformers review (with spoilers)

so i watched the first transformers move (the michel bay one) bc people say it’s one of the best ones* out of the lot and

0.3/10

and it might actually be one of the worst movies i remember seeing?

if you like just watching shit blow up, cars and giant robots punch things then this review is not directed at you, go enjoy your entertainment, this movies was made for you if that’s all you came for

for everyone else:

there is a lot of problems.... Sam caused visceral hatred in me the moment he showed up on screen, the whole thing feels like a horrible combination of a car and army recruitment add

the plot is disjointed and unless you are aware of the transformers to some degree impossible to follow or understand why any of it matters

the final combat showdown has terrible flow it starts off with bumblebee and optimus (sp?) holding a truck or something to block a missile then optimus just fucking vanishes in to thin air until it’s convenient for him to show back up again

the deceptecons (sp?) and autobots (with the exemption of optimus, bumblebee and ratchet bc of that ugly shade of green yellow) are hard to tell apart and while a cool idea on paper that the deceptecons are looking like the military vehicles they take very little advantage of it and it’s used poorly in the climax to unintentionally confuse the audience not the heroes of the movie

the army is inexplicably showed throughout the whole thing which wouldn’t really be a problem but the only memorable things about the whole bunch of them is one of them has a wife and a baby as a cheap shorthand to get the audience to care and one of them speaks Spanish and gets shit for it???? and i wouldn’t even be able to tell you which one of them it was

the part where bumblebee gets taken down captured is played as an emotional beat for his and Sams relationship.... except Sam maybe drove him 3-4 times and they only had like maybe one interaction as not a car and person, it felt like some sort of emotional moment where they were supposed to develop a rapport had been cut from the movie if they ever even filmed it at all (and at nearly 2.5 hours makes you wonder why that was NOT in the movie)

megan fox (i for the life of me cannot reamber her characters name) looks like she is a little dead inside, and honestly i can’t blame her. she even seems like a rational person except she is attracted to assholes and man babies for some reason??? and if anything that feels out of character for what she is otherwise portrayed to be

also bumblebee is inexplicably able to talk again at the end? did they keep that for the rest of the movies?

the final seen cuts to sam making out with megan on top of the long suffering bumblebee as the rest of the autobots look on inexplicably

now to the part that gave this shit show the .3 out of 10

while this seen dragged on for too long in terms of necessity for the plot i did get some joy out of the autobots destroying Sams parents lawn as i dislike the whole lot of them and anything that causes sam pain and inconvenience is ok in my book and they actually had a decent set up of why that would be pretty funny

after the part where bumblebee gets his legs blown off (can this guy catch a brake :’(? after getting caught by the military some bot “we should rescue him!” optimus “no he is a soldier and knew the risks, this is what he would have wanted” *cuts to bumblebee tied down and tortured* ) megan hooks him up to a tow truck and they fuck up some deceptecons was pretty cool, honestly if tweaked a tiny bit megan would have made a better protagonist?

optmius voice is awesome and he didn’t get especially insulted so they had that going for them (poor ratchet honestly....)

overall i got more out of watching the first animated transformers movie where they kill almost everyone out of context then this WITH context

if this is the best one i am very very scared

*this was before the prequel bumblebee came out, which i actually watched first and very much enjoyed and it actually got me to look in the franchise overall even if it was a “smaller” movie it was ‘hekin cute

#transformers #transformers movie #transformers more than meets the eye #review #my thoughts on it are a scattered mess just like the movie

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bitegore · 6 years ago

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Rodimus angst headcanons? bc let's face it you are at least the angst master if not the angst king

anon im blushing. i appreciate you

Rodimus lays awake at night, not recharging, because he can’t make his processor stop replaying all of his past failures. Every last failure. Even things that weren’t failures, or weren’t his responsibility.

He keeps getting yelled at by various medics (cough cough, RATCHET, cough) for not sleeping enough. He blames his failures for that, too.

TALK ABOUT A GUILT COMPLEX WHOO BOY. Every dead Autobot he’s ever spoken to is his fault, somehow. Not seeing through Dealer is clearly a moral failing of his. He’s the WORST Autobot. How could anyone like or trust him? Rodimus is clearly THE WORST and he doesn’t understand why no one else sees it. But that must mean that he’s good at hiding it, right? But now he has a ship under his command, oh shit oh shit, at least he has Ultra Magnus, but he can’t let them see that he’s the Worst, he’s gotta be perfect– so instead he pretends he’s all happy and friendly and oh shit oh no oh fuck now they think he’s childish and now there’s Megatron?? on board his ship oh fuck oh SHIT clearly EVERYONE agrees hes the worst Autobot there is.

When Getaway kicked him off the Lost Light for being a Megatron sympathizer, it hit him real fucking hard because of that, and it made him way more defensive of his position as an Autobot and more tenuous about it at the same time. Because finally, someone who saw him for what he really was (the Worst) and recognized that he was the Worst (rip), and then they. got rid of him. took the things that were his, even though in Rodimus’s mind they Shouldn’t Have Been, but now! everyone! is still! looking to him for guidance!!! fuck!! So he pretends Getaway was wrong, even though he doesn’t think Getaway was wrong, but he’s . hurt, you know? and that’s part of why he tries to save Getaway despite all of what Getaway did. To prove the point that he’s not as Bad as Getaway knows he is, deep down.

(He’s not actually The Worst at all. He just has a godawful case of impostor syndrome in my headcanons. its because hes technically a prime but hes not “as good as Optimus” so cleeeeeearly he’s not good at all, RIP)

Rodimus isn’t actually that good a friend to Drift. He keeps looking at Drift and seeing someone who he could have been and it hurts him inside and so he just. He keeps being cold and dismissive towards Drift and then flipflopping from that to very attention seeking because Drift has a surprising amount of patience for Rodimus, mostly because he gets it, somewhat. On Rodimus’s side of things, he feels really bad about this, because he’s well aware he’s treating Drift badly, but on the other hand, sometimes just being around Drift makes him want to purge, or yell, or hit things, and then he runs off and doesn’t go be around Drift and then the cycle repeats.

He’s not a great friend to anyone else, either. Not for any particular reason–it’s not that he’s not friendship material–but he keeps flipping between “I can be friends with people” and “I’m deceiving these people and I need to get away so they can be around real people instead of garbage like me,” and that just turns into him being an extremely unreliable friend.

Back during the Dealer debacle–let’s go back to that for a bit–back when Dealer happened, and after they found out about his trickery, Rodimus (then Hot Rod, of course) went home and sat in his room and broke all his mirrors because for a while there he couldn’t stand to see the face of the person who got every single person on his team that wasn’t a Decepticon killed. Because of course it had to be his fault. Everything was always his fault. I have had this headcanon for so fucking long, man, you have no idea.

He’s actually got this really deep thread of self-loathing that runs through everything he does. So deep. Like to the point where should someone start trying to tell him he’s worthless he’ll just. agree. mentally. But he’s Got To Be Perfect™, so he would deny it outwardly and put on this deeply self-absorbed and self-satisfied facade to try and hide it. He refuses to talk to Rung about this for reasons of Captain Must Be Perfect; he really should, because he desperately needs a fucking therapist.

or an outlet of any kind that isn’t deadly risk

because of course Rodimus uses the thrills he seeks out as a way to self-medicate like me because if he’s so high off an adrenaline rush he isn’t thinking about anything other than the parts of him rushing with cold impact pain and the heat of the fire and the desperate last-ditch shit he’s got to do, then he feels more alive than he’s ever been. But it keeps building up. And he keeps needing more. And that terrifies him, sometimes, because he sits down occasionally and just realizes that it’s not going to stop until he kills himself chasing another adrenaline high, because one day it’s going to get to that point, because the stakes and the risks keep getting higher and he’s just getting older and stiffer and he’s not getting better but he needs the rush like he needs to breathe, and it’s just. not. working.

he really hates the color green. that’s not really angst but it is a long-standing headcanon of mine that i wanted to put here. it kind of reminds him of Zeta Prime, but also he just thinks it’s ugly.

#red replies #angst #rodimus #I KINDA WENT OFF ENJOY THIS ANON #honestly its interesting because Rodimus *acts* a lot like me but i've never related to him. because i've always seen him as having this bad #fukcing case of impostor syndrome #and i got over that when i was like 11. so it's not a problem i have any more or relate to very much any more

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taekwondorkjosh · 6 years ago

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Transformers Cyberverse

Hey guys im watching the new transformers cartoon and there’s a LOT of negativity im about to spit out. I’m six episodes in and am feeling a level of frustration and dislike I haven’t felt about a show in a very long time. I do NOT like this show. It is bad. I’m not going to go into detail here, its all under the cut.

Okay so lets start with the art style. This is probably the most subjective of my issues with this fucking show, I do not particularly enjoy this ‘super brightly colored 3D’ animation. Its just lame. It looks ugly. It looks cheap. The designs are mediocre and just a hodgepodge of previous iterations. They do nothing interesting, nothing fun, nothing creative. There’s a lot of ‘copy/paste’ going on among the unnamed characters. I’m watching a scene and like two identical red bots show up back to back that are supposed to be different bots but... they looked IDENTICAL. That’s just lazy. If there’s one thing that NONE of the shows, aside from G1, managed to do, it was make everyone and everything unique in some way. They’re CLEARLY pulling from the comics, and like.... no ones supposed to look/sound/be the same, except for when its plot relevant. Like that one bot that modeled themselves to look like optimus prime, and the one that sounds EXACTLY like Megatron, or the seekers that were all retrofitted to look like one another. What the fuck is up with this homogeneous garbage? And THEN there’s a scene where MEgatron is preaching to a crowd and there��s like, twenty bots in there. There’s all this empty space. The backgrounds are less bright and interesting to look at than the characters, so when there’s all this empty space and all you can look at is the backgrounds and the backgrounds suck? God.

Next is the voice acting and the writing. Its bad. You can tell that A) none of the voice actors are in the same room bouncing off of one another, that’s for sure. That’s fine sometimes though. It works. It doesn’t work here. The dialogue is stilted and boring. The writing is uninspired. In the first episode Windblade and Bumblebee, both characters we don’t know, have some of their first dialogue together. Windblade asks “Bee what are you doing here” and Bee does some voice-box shenanigans (he can’t speak AGAIN, but whatever) and says “What are YOU doing here,” and Windblade’s response, verbatim is “The same thing you are: looking for the allspark.” What fucking garbage is that? That’s objectively bad writing. There are scenes where the actors deliver their lines like they’re reading from the script right in front of them, did it in one take, and then didn’t bother trying anything else.

And then we’ve got optimus and megatron, who sound like people are doing impressions of Peter Cullen and Frank Welker doing their voices, but are not good at impressions OR acting. And you know who they got to play two of the most iconic transformers characters in existence? Nobodies. Optimus’ voice actor has done NOTHING else, and megatron’s va is most known for playing pokemon characters and a bunch of miscellaneous yugioh/anime dub characters, and we ALL know how good those usually are. To be fair he also did Casey Jones from the TMNT show before TMNT 2012, and i never watched that so idk how good he is here, but his megatron is lame. Bumblebee, main character, has done nothing before this. Windblade, main character, has done nothing before this. I don’t have ANY problems with new talent getting out there, but these are rookies and it SHOWS.

Then there’s the actual plots. Well, guess what, the plots suck. Bumblebee and Windblade are wandering around on Earth cuz the allspark is here (wow that’s original) and BUmblee can’t speak (wow that’s original) and Bumblebee has amnesia (wow THAT”S ORIGINAL). So the last few episodes have been WIndblade using her Cityspeaker powers to link with Bumblebee’s mind and try and get him to remember where the Ark (lost Autobot spaceship with everyone on board in stasis, wow that’s original) is, so they can find Optimus Prime (wow that’s original), while avoiding the Seekers that apparently own Earth or whatever. And then, in episode 8, they give us a serious triple whammy of stupid. First, they let Bumblebee connect to his own memories so that he can work on them. HOW CAN HE DO THAT??? The whole point was that Windblade has special powers. Guess that doesn’t matter. Second, they introduce Blurr, give us three or four minutes of screentime, and then kill him off, like we’re supposed to care. All he’s done is be an asshole this hole time. Third, they introduce a rust virus consuming planets and apparently it consumes Velocitron. Why is this not a big deal? Why doesn’t everyone know about this? How does it work? Does it matter? You can’t just introduce a virus that can destroy worlds in hours and kills people almost instantly, with no repercussions. This better matter in the future. Its just bad and dumb.

How can your seventh episode be a filler episode? We learn nothing about the characters, we just learn that A) Starscream’s always been an asshole and a thug, and B) some sport called Cube that’s poorly explained. What’s the point? We learn how Bee and Windblade become friends, I guess? And there’s this godawful line where Bee says “Man, Starscream’s a jerk. Those dang jets.” And then looks at WIndblade, who is a jet, and says “Wow, uh... you are a jet. Oops.” Like, pointing out that what he said was gross is cool and all, but couldn’t that have just been a glance, a quirked eyebrow from Windblade, and a wince from bumblebee. That would have been more amusing.

Don’t get me started on the Megatron origin episode. We go from learning he was a hero because he was a gladiator, to thinking he’s a warmonger, to thinking he’s a monster in the span of about five minutes of screen time. You can’t just go “Megatron was a hero” without showing that somehow, then saying “No actually he was a brute” immediately after WITHOUT SHOWING ANYTHING? There’s this super brutal thing that happens off screen where Megatron tears out Bumblebee’s voice box so he can’t tell anyone his plans, and that’s supposed to matter somehow, like its not enough that he started a war for power and wants to create a planet of decepticons, he also hurt our friend bumblebee!!! But wait, we don’t care, because his damaged voice box doesn’t stop him from communicating, and the information can be relayed immediately by WIndblade’s special powers. So nothing matters here!

That’s my biggest take away. Nothing matters. This show isn’t going to try and be pretty and cool with its visuals. Its not going to try and put in great performances by a crew of new voice talent. Its not going to try and tell a more nuanced version of the Transformers Lore that we’ve never seen outside of the comics. It doesn’t even matter that its on Earth because the first eight episodes have just been windblade and bee flying around in a stolen space ship.

It doesn’t matter. Its empty and boring and i hate that it pisses me off this much, but as a fan of the story, as someone who wants to see new stories, it bothers me when stuff just gets rehashed, retold, and ‘reinvented’ into new forms of mediocre.

#transformers #personal #idk if I want to tag this in the transformer special tag thing #this is just me griping #god this show sucks #im sorry guys #I was excited about the initial look but after watching the episodes?#ugh

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gyromitra-esculenta · 6 years ago

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Crackverse 10: How Harry Met Sa... Part 1

This is a trip down the memory lane. Pretty much the ‘how the hell did they get together?’ and a part of ‘why are there that many Smurfs references in this whole fic?’. Sadly, there are no ugly-ass sweaters this time. The second part will include ‘there was only one bed *gasp*’.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3Part 4 Part 5Part 6 Part 7 Xmas New Year Part 8 Soulmate AU Part 9

One wired jaw later Gabriel realized he was in love.

To say that Gabriel was utterly unimpressed with Jack Morrison upon their first meeting was an understatement. The man was big, blonde, blue-eyed, had well-pronounced cheekbones and a chin you could cut yourself on, and in general appeared as if he just walked out of White Power rally, or maybe even worse, stepped out of Wehrmacht propaganda where he had been used as an example of a perfect Aryan. His carefree cockiness also radiated the textbook case of jock, whose idea of a fun night out was cow tipping. And then, the blonde wasn’t even his type, he preferred them a bit shorter and quieter.

However, not unlike the Autobots, there was much more going under that hood than met the eye.

Yes, Gabriel Reyes was a nerd.

One of the first qualities that could be observed about Jack Morrison was his apparent death wish. No matter the circumstances, be it sparring, training, or war games, the man was like a rabid wolverine. Literally. Or a rabid honey badger because ratels were scary as shit on their own, but add to that rabies…

Which was many roundabout words to describe the fact that the blonde would take on someone twice his size without looking back, might die fighting his opponent, but, sure as hell, he was taking said opponent down with him. And then he would seemingly resurrect like in those documentaries, all with that demented toothy smile of his plastered on his bloodied lips. And Gabriel was not beyond appreciating that kind of dedication (or craziness).

Yes, Gabriel Reyes was a nerd who not only watched old cartoons – he relaxed with Animal Planet on.

Another characteristic of Jack Morrison was not letting any kind of bullshit fly by him, which more often than not ended with a brawl.

“That fucking filthy chink,” Beckson muttered one day in the gym, loud enough for everyone to hear. Jack only smiled that deranged smile of his and put the water bottle down on the bench. Then he almost flew at the man.

Later, with tissue paper stuffed up his nose, still smiling, Jack shrugged at Gabriel’s question of what the fuck was wrong with him.

“I’m not fucking going to let the motherfucker insult my siblings, am I?”

Somehow, Gabriel thought the grin accompanying the blonde’s answer was, in fact, a teeny bit attractive. He pegged it as cabin fever.

All of the above made Jack Morrison tolerable, but not someone you would spend your time with or talk to. Until the Smurfs Incident.

“What the fuck are you watching? Are those fucking Smurfs?” Gabriel sighed, exasperated, ready to either tell Jack to kindly fuck off or to make up some lame excuse. “Wow, and that’s the shitty racist episode. You know they were fucking black in the original version?”

“Yeah,” Gabriel grunted when Jack wriggled himself onto the bunk to sit by his side and elbowed him to move the screen so he could watch too. “How do you even know that?”

“Hyung was fucking obsessed with this shit, had to dress up for fucking Halloween, twice as Gargamel and once as fucking Smurfette.” Gabriel snorted trying to imagine Jack in a white skirt. “What? I think I made a fucking fine Smurfette!”

“Pictures or it didn’t happen.”

“I’ll get Ma to send me some. Ha, get them, Azrael!”

It got the ball rolling. In the end, they were both kind of nerdy, although each in his own way.

Thing was, Ma and Pa Morrison were the God-fearing sort, Catholics, and firmly believed in procreation and populating the God-given Earth, so Jack was the middle child out of ten total, with four sisters and five brothers – all nine of them adopted.

Gabriel didn’t even try to remember the names the blonde gleefully rattled off showing him the pictures, especially since few of them sounded like something nigh unpronounceable. And yes, he had to concede Jack made a damn fine Smurfette, especially considering he had shaved his legs for the occasion. Though, a definitely manly Smurfette.

“Oh my fucking god, that fucking itched like shit regrowing, should have gone with fucking stockings,” the blonde groaned when Gabriel just tapped his finger on the aforementioned photographic evidence. “It got me five beers and a fucking date, on a positive note. And a shit-ton of sweets to divide later.”

“Dated a cheerleader?” Gabriel swiped to another photo where the blonde posed with a trophy. Jack, for a brief moment, looked maybe a bit angry, but then just shrugged.

“Arsehole. Yeah, I did. Went to prom, fucked under the bleachers, almost gave him a shiner week later when he fucking broke up with me because he had said he fucking felt he was obliged to give me a pity fuck before.”

Right. Gabriel knew a thing or two about computers, and it helped the school had no security to speak of. The yearbook had a page titled ‘The Kings of the Prom’.

He was in deep shit now.

With the restricted access to the outside world and a very shallow dating pool - not to mention close living quarters that made tempers run short - it was almost inevitable, Gabriel surmised in retrospect, that he had developed a bit of infatuation. The first time it happened, he had been cussing Jack out for keeping his boot-clad feet on the bunk.

“My fucking ass is not moving from the fucking bed,” Jack shot back while turning another page of a worn out book. Gabriel added what he would do to that ass under his breath in Spanish, and froze when he had realized what exactly left his mouth. Thanks to whatever deity that decided to listen, Jack casually looked up at him. “Yeah, fuck you and your little dog too.”

The second time it happened was during sparring when he had finally gotten the upper hand on Jack. The blonde narrowed his eyes, snarled something incomprehensible back, and then used Gabriel’s confusion to twist and elbow him hard just below the ribs.

“Puto!”

“Skurwysyn!”

“Vodka!” Someone called from the benches, laughing.

After that, it became a casual thing with Jack obviously not understanding a word except some most common profanities and answering in kind. Gabriel wasn’t really proud of that, but hey, it helped to relieve some tension.

It all came to a screeching halt two months later when a new supervisor was inducted into the program. The woman, almost unnaturally tall and lanky, with a skin nearly glowing with a shade of violet and raised decorative lines of scars on her forehead, was waiting for them just outside of the showers.

“Mister Morrison.” Jack stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights, his expression somewhere between pure shock and utter terror. “I get invited to evaluate and supervise the super secret enhancement program and while reviewing the personnel files who do I see enrolled?”

“Achan!” The blonde lost one of his flip-flops when he launched himself at her, engulfing her in a hug.

“Hello, little brother.” Well, Gabriel did comment on that. The little part, not the brother thing. “And here, Ma and Pa are thinking you are doing top secret ranger missions.”

“Oh, fuck, you aren’t going to snitch?”

“And what? Tell them their boy might drop dead any moment because of complex chemicals pumped into his body as opposed to being shred to bits by omnics?”

“Fucking touché,” Jack released her, laughing. “So I won’t fucking snitch you’re not working on your fucking grant, sis.”

“It was enough you weren’t home for Christmas, Jack.” The blonde groaned. “You are coming back for Easter, and, as a gift for the whole family, you can bring your friend.” Achan poked his forehead and Jack tsked, looking back for a second.

“That’s not really fucking good idea, sis. They’re going to start getting fucking ideas.”

Well, Gabriel had some choice words about fucking but seeing Achan’s brows rise made him realize that maybe, maybe, he had made a grave tactical error.

“I’m going to look the other way now,” the new supervisor smirked at Jack as if she were daring him to say ‘hold my beer’. The blonde shuffled on his feet and then turned around rapidly. The punch was solid, but not undeserved, Gabriel admitted to himself from the floor. Jack loomed over him.

“You want to tap that fucking ass, fucking ask.”

Well, it was definitely not his most shining moment. Honestly, it was as far as it got from the most shining moment. It topped even vomiting blood at three-months mark into the program. Gabriel resigned to it and went with the flow.

“Wanna fuck?”

“Sure, why not?” Jack shrugged. “Coming for Easter?”

“Possibly.”

“And call me a butterfly again and you’ll need a proctologist to get that boot outta your arse.”

“I hope this is the last time I’m playing your wingman, little brother.”

One wired jaw later Gabriel realized he was in love. The revelation had not been welcome. He urgently hoped it would pass soon. It still didn’t make the rest of the day any less awkward than it was already.

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afterspark-podcast · 4 years ago

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G1 Episode 38: Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: Just be screaming at the top of his lungs the entire time.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 cartoon. I'm Owls.

S: And I'm Specs.

O: And today we are joined by my husband, Chezni cuz uh, we're going to be talking about his favorite episode, which is episode 38: Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's Court!

C: Hello.

O: Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yep, let's do it.

O: What's the worst that can happen?

C: We all die.

S: I can think of any number of things.

O: [laughter] Wow, guys!

C: [laughter]

O: It’s like that Marge Simpson meme: “Can you lighten up a little there, kids?” You’re just, like: “We could all die!” Okay then. Anyway-

S: We open in yet another fire fight between the Autobots and Decepticons.

O: Starscream is apparently really hungry as he complains about the lack of energy.

C: Ramjet is still gunning to go and attempts to ram Warpath, who instead sends Ramjet flying into Starscream, Ravage and Rumble.

O: Starscream is ready to flee but Rumble senses some energy inside a cave.

C: Ravage just goes barreling past and into the cave and the rest follow him-

S: Because when Starscream has the munchies it's everybody's problem, I'm afraid.

C: Warpath with his whole “Zip! Powie! Wowie!” normal sense of self collapses some rocks onto the entrance trapping them inside the cave.

S: And the interior of said cave looks, um, vaguely like a temple for some reason?

O: Starscream decides he's going to be all dramatic about it and calls it, “Their tomb!,” when the entrance is blocked, too.

C: I mean, how much do you want to bet he acts like this anytime he hasn't had lunch?

S: Seems like a really easy bet.

O: He definitely does. Rumble then points at a rock slab and says, “Hey, there's energy here!”

S: This rock has, uh, some weird writing on it and some sort of touchpad functionality. You know, for robots, apparently.

C: Starscream just runs over and knocks Rumble completely out of the way.

O: With ye old wonderful bonk sound effect. Also, poor Rumble, I hope Soundwave gets mad at Starscream when they get back.

C: Man, he hit him pretty hard. What happened to faction loyalty?

O: Please, Starscream? Loyalty, what loyalty?

S: Starscream then says some bullshit about, uh, because he's their leader he needs to take the risk if the slab is dangerous.

C: Besides! He's hungrier than Rumble!

S: Yeah, never mind if there are any negative consequences to this he'll definitely be using Rumble as a robo shield.

O: As you do. Outside, Hoist is trying to clear the rubble from the cave entrance with Warpath providing his normal colorful commentary.

C: Inside, Starscream finishes highlighting the text on the tablet- I mean, ancient stone.

S: It's- it's a super old-gen tablet, don't you know.

O: You know, made of rock. Ramjet turns around and points out that the entrance is magically not blocked anymore?

S: And they are all just like nyoom out of there without any critical thinking whatsoever.

O: Critical thinking? In this show? When’s that a thing?

C: I mean, they literally had reality change around them and they didn't stop to think about it. Like, I'm surprised Starscream doesn't think this is some sort of Autobot trick or something considering how paranoid he is.

S: Yeah...

O: No, that would be a logical thing to do.

S: Mm-hmm.

O: Outside we have one lone human female, uh, who sees all the Decepticons- that some says something about, “Big ass knights coming from the dragon mound.”

S: This'll be coming back later.

O: Ha! Yeah, yeah! I'm sure this won't be relevant at all.

S: Two human knights on horseback attack Rumble. All the Decepticons think they're just some really weird looking Autobots.

C: Up until Starscream just sort of pushes one of them over and Ramjet headbutts the other off his horse.

S: [Sighs] That's Ramjet: solving all his problems with his head.

O: He's got one talent and that's it.

S: Yeah, it's in- it’s all in the name. Ramjet then offers some constructive criticism as the knights appear to fall into two pieces when they fall off their horses.

O: Starscream picks up a piece of armor and comes to the conclusion that these are humans pretending to be robots.

C: The main knight takes offense at this as well as when Rumble calls his armor outdated.

S: Leading our intrepid idiots to realize that they have traveled to the 1500’s, apparently.

O: The question is: Have they also teleported? Were they fighting in England? Or were they in the US somewhere?

S: Or somewhere else all together. And we will get absolutely zero answers on this.

O: Yep, that's normal.

C: Then our lone female hiding in the bushes and eavesdropping flees to warn her father about the magical men, naturally stepping on a stick which immediately alerts everyone to her presence.

O: Because some cinematic cliches are timeless.

S: The knight uh, the Decepticons are talking to comes to the very quick conclusion that the noise came from a spy and Ravage immediately chases after her.

C: I mean, not only is it hilarious that, ah, Ravage immediately outpaces the horses but he just hears the word “spy” and seems to reflexively go after her with no context. He's just, like, “What? A spy? I must go!”

O: Fetch!

S: I think he's probably thinking about when Spike’s spied on them a few times and, i mean, the general idea is probably to catch her first and ask questions later. He's- he’s clearly been traumatized by how many times Spike has fucked shit up for them.

O: Speaking of Spike, the lady runs smack into him while running away from Ravage.

S: They dodge and Ravage runs smack into Warpath.

C: Or vice versa.

S: Regardless, Ravage- Ravage skedaddles. He flees.

O: Smart move. The lady leads Spike, Warpath, and Hoist away, back to her father's castle.

C: Is she just not concerned that you know two more giant metal men have stepped out of the dragon mound? I mean, how does she know these ones are allies?

O: The color coding, my dear, color coding.

C: Oh, okay.

O: That doesn't even begin to make sense but-

C: These are good colored ones-

O: Yeah- yeah, but Starscream is actually in some pretty traditionally heroic characters [character’s colors] if we're going by kind of the normal color coding in cartoons.

C: Yeah-

O: This is why it's kind of funny that she's like, “Ah, yes, the giant, angry red one is totally fine or-”

C: Those meta ones: Suspicious. These metal ones: A-okay.

O: These are friend-shaped.

S: Well, they- they chased away the thing that was chasing her so-

O: I'll give you that.

S: I don't know. It's provisional, I guess and, at any rate, Hoist is clearly a history fiend as he's able to accurately date the girl's clothing.

C: Someone's a history nerd!

O: A bot after my own heart.

C: She finally introduces herself as Nimue and confirms we are, as the title would suggest, in Camelot.

S: So, she's named after the Lady of the Lake.

O: We presume, because she's clearly not the actual Lady of the Lake. She asked for our- the Autobots help to defeat the Decepticons to which the Autobots agree to help.

S: Then Hoist transforms and Spike and Nimue get inside.

C: I mean, how did she know to get in there? Like, she just straight up sees that open door and jumps right in.

S: Well, I guess they could have carriages? She might have also assumed that, I don't know, maybe It's just a weird ass magic portal.

C: I mean that's true but why wasn't she surprised when the giant metal man transformed into one?

O: They’re in Camelot, dude, they've seen some serious shit.

C: [Sighs] It's only a model.

O: Later at Nimue’s father's castle, Spike is trying on some armor.

S: Some very ugly looking armor.

O: That he can barely walk in.

S: Hoist is obviously the fashionista of the Autobots, at least when it comes to human clothing. He knows armor and dresses, alike, and makes some better fitting armor for Spike.

C: We can build it better, stronger, faster-

O: Spike? No, we can't.

C: [Laughter]

O: While Hoist is working, he asks the king why he and- or I don't know if he's an actual king or if he's just a lord? Anyway, he- he asks Nimue's father why he and the black knight who allied with the Decepticons are fighting to which the king responds with: Cows.

S: Cattle raids were quite common at the time.

O: Which is not the reason he gives, instead it's that they got through a- break in a fence and ate his garden and he apparently took, you know, personal offense at this but, well, wars have been fought over less.

S: Look up Washington State's Pig War. It's educational.

O: [Laughter]

C: Hoist finishes up the armor, dunks it in some water to cool it, and then just hands it all in one piece to Spike.

O: I'm pretty sure that should still be way too fucking hot for a human to touch.

S: Yep.

C: Hoist is also apparently getting low on energy.

S: I have to wonder how much energy went into making that armor.

O: I mean-

S: I guess-

O: Yeah, I have no idea.

S: [Sighs] So Spike gets his armor on, trips immediately, and then Nimue fawns all over him which seems kind of silly.

C: Ugh, yeah... and Spike gets a kiss out of the deal for, like, no reason.

S: Mm-hmm.

O: All right! What is the number one rule for time travel? Don't fuck with the past and, by that, I mean don't fuck in the past!

S: At least not with anyone you didn't bring with you.

O: Yes! Yes, good point! Good point!

C: I guess that would make them safe. I mean, after all, what is the statistical likelihood of this being one of Spike's distant ancestors?

O: Look, if the universe doesn't care about the possibility of Spike doing the horizontal mambo with this great- great- great- something grandma, who the heck are we to judge?

S: Well, the further back you go the more likely you are to be related to random famous people, I guess.

O: [Laughter]

S: I don't know, I mean it happens. The next day Nimue's father, Sir Aetheling is hosting a jousting tournament.

C: We see Spike getting ready with Hoist lowering him onto his horse with his hook, while Warpath gives him fighting advice.

O: It's actually quite sweet how supportive Hoist and Warpath are being during all of this.

S: And when did Spike learn to ride a horse?

O: I was wondering-

C: How-

O: -the exact same thing. Sometime, maybe when he was not living on an oil rig?

C: Heh.

S: Maybe-

C: Another life?

S: I mean- I mean, Sparkplug's the most interesting man in the world, maybe he did a- maybe he did a patch of work at a ranch or something?

O: [Laughter] Ranch-hand Sparkplug!

C: So Spike fights very bravely and is defeated very quickly. His horse sparing him no dignity as it drags him off the field.

S: Yep, uh, considering that Spike is hanging onto the horse's tail it's a pretty well-tempered horse, cuz you really don't want to be on that end of the horse it will kick the hell out of you.

C: Well, it just- it doesn't need to consider insignificant things.

O: [Snorts] So the Black Knight, Sir Wigend of Blackthorne, finally shows up and due to the rules of 80s cartoons, uh, both him and Nimue's father decide that whomever wins a jousting match will be the ruler of the land.

C: Well, that seems completely unnecessary therefore, I agree!

O: Of course, so Wigend being, you know, evil-ish is like, “Aha! But you will have to fight my champions, not me!”

S: [Sighs] Uh, I'm going to conveniently stand out and leave you with some giant metal men.

O: Those giant metal men being Rumble and Ramjet. Rumble’s holding a lance and it cracks me up.

C: Then literally the greatest thing ever conceived in any children's show happens! My inner nine-year-old is just screaming in delight as one robot mounts a jet [while] holding a lance and shield, preparing for a joust of the ages!

O: [Laughter] Okay, you now- you know why we had to have Chezni on this episode with us.

S: Mm-hm, mm-hm, my question is: We see Ramjet’s thrusters go on now, um, so how are they maintaining a speed of 5 to 15 miles per hour? Even rolling on tarmac jets a rather quicker than that.

C: It's- it's, uh, it's the grass. [Laughter]

S: God, this must be such a bumpy ride.

O: Rumble’s had worse, and besides they're trying to intimidate the humans, not blow them away with a sonic boom.

S: True.

O: Of course, in response to, you know, uh, Ramjet and Rumble, Warpath transforms and the red knight mounts him. I mean that in the least sexy way possible. [Laughter] God, this is ridiculous!

C: It's not ridiculous! It's art!

S: [Sighs] Starscream is pretty pissed to realize the Autobots have followed them into this time period.

O: It's his world, dammit! He thought he was finally gonna be in charge!

S: He had plans and nothing is going according to them.

O: [Laughter] Isn't that just a normal day for Starscream?

S: Yeah.

C: Yes. Yes, it is. Simple physics dictate that Warpath is the quick victor over Ramjet as Ramjet has his cone bashed in. Wait, how does Ramjet live through this?

S: I don't think his brains are in his head.

O: Or at least not that part of his head. Uh, Nimue goes full Karen on Sir Wigend, telling him he'd better apologize to her father.

S: Yep and Starscream hits his fuck-all point and decides to kidnap Nimue to get what he wants.

C: Yoink!

S: He wants to color coordinate his hostage with his colors.

C: [Laughter]

O: Starscream-

C: Oh my god-

O: Drives off with Nimue in his cockpit telling her dad that he'd better surrender his kingdom if he wants to see her again.

C: Ah, typical Starscream.

S: Clearly, the Decepticons are suffering from lack of energy as they are unable to take flight and the Autobots aren't able to maintain their vehicle modes, transforming back into robots.

O: So, Hoist and Warpath have ended up in a pile.

C: Uh, guys? Uh, wha- what are those two robots doing?

O: Well, you see, when a daddy robot and a daddy robot love each other very much-

C: Oh, dear lord, I need an adult.

O: You are an adult!!

C: It's still not enough to prepare me for this!

O: [Laughter]

S: You weren't ready for the cogs and sprockets talk.

O & C: [Laughter]

C: I don't understand, what are they? They're robots, Harold.

O & S: [Laughter]

O: ...Yes.

S: Aside from all this madness, we see an owl spying, you know, on the, uh-

O: Chaos.

S: Yes, the chaos. The hazards happening down below before returning to a man in a green cloak.

O: Naturally, as we are in Camelot, this is Merlin. Merlin exists in this universe, guys!

S: Yep, yep!

C: Oh dear.

S: [Laughter]

C: The owl apparently communicates this whole kidnapping situation which Merlin somehow understands and responds with, “Make some idiot 20 feet tall and he thinks he rules the earth.”

O: And then made some cryptic comment about getting singed by a dragon and walks off.

S: [Laughter] Elsewhere, at the black knights castle, Rumble does us all a favor and shoves Nimue into a tower.

O: Sir Wigend protests but Starscream pops up and is like, “Surprise! You're my bitch now!”

S: It's Starscream, he wants everyone to be his bitch.

C: And then immediately after he just falls over from lack of energy.

S: Wolfe, who works for Sir Wigend, shows up and hands starscream a whole treasure chest full of gold.

O: Starscream compliments him and Wolfe gives the camera the most coy look i've ever seen in an 80’s cartoon.

C: It is so coy.

S: Does he have his hands clasped?

O: I- I think so? But I might be misremembering that so don't quote me.

C: It's very strange looking regardless.

S: Uh-huh.

C: Then Starscream just sort of crushes the jewelry in his hands, which somehow immediately turns it into a fine gold wire.

S: Which apparently leads him to creating some sort of energy device that requires a bunch of humans to move around and basically, um- [Sighs]

C: Like, aren't they generating some kind of electromagnet?

O: Something like that?

S: Yeah, but it- honestly they'd get more energy if they just went and found a river and stuck it in the- in the river. Paddles in the river.

O: Please, the Decepticons are, like, on principle allergic to green energy, dear.

S: It just seems like it would be less waste and effort-

C: But there’s no servitude in that!

O: [Laughter]

S: Yes!

C: Starscream needs servitude with his lunch.

O: Starscream's a talking jet, he wants servitude!

S: It just seems like less effort to have to go and kidnap people to do the servitude-

C: [Laughter]

O: They’re not kidnapping, they're just making Sir Wigend’s staff do it, duh! [Laughter]

S: Yes-

C: That’s true.

S: But eventually they're gonna drop dead.

O: [Laughter]

C: Uh... Rumble and Ravage attempt to step into the machine to recharge but Starscream steps in front of them and says he needs it more than they do.

O: Rumble is just not allowed to eat today.

S: [Sighs] And back at the Red Knights’ castle, Spike is whining about it being all his fault that Nimue got kidnapped.

C: Spike, you need to have some chance at succeeding before you can take any responsibility for the failure of the situation.

S: He's been parentified by a bunch of giant robots.

O: [Snorts]

S: I don't know. Warpath encourages Spike to attempt to save Nimue himself while he and Hoist continue to prep a different rescue plan.

O: Well, he encourages Spike's ill-advised rescue attempt, anyway.

S: Uh-huh.

C: Is it just me or is he just trying to get Spike out of his hair?

S: That is very possible, so, maybe.

O: He was moping a lot. I would find that annoying, personally.

S: Spike, er, he just sounds so pissy when he is like, “Yeah, fine, yes.”

O: So now back with, you know, Sir Wigend and company-

C: The other Cons are like, “Are you done yet?” to Starscream.

S: Yeah, yeah, he just sounds so pissy when he was like, “Fine, yes.”

O: Starscream steps out of the little energy field thing and is apparently having everyone retrieve items from his grocery list next.

S: Ramjet is working on charcoal and Starscream orders him to go get some rock salt. Rumble and Ravage have been tasked with getting sulfur.

C:They literally only got charged for a few seconds before Starscream told them to get out to go get the ingredients.

S: Rumble grumbles and says they also need some potassium nitrate. As a bird poops on Starscream, instead he tells Rumble that he- that Rumble now needs to go get the potassium nitrate.

O: For everyone as confused as I was about why a bird just pooped on Starscream and why that was relevant, apparently you can get potassium nitrate from birds droppings, so when Rumble grumbles about, “Oh, are you gonna go get this, then?”

C: Funny you should mention.

O: And Rumble's like, “Well, crap.” Literally.

S: Mm-hm. Sir Wigend attempts to apologize to Nimue but she chucks the stool at him, as well as attempts to hit him.

O: With her fist.

C: The sexual tension in the scene rises.

S: Well, she is not taking any of this lying down.

O: So, instead, the two of them fall on the floor together rolling around for a bit.

S: They're rolling in the hay.

O: Sir Wigend admits that he's been, “An idiot.”

C: What do you know, a white male character admitting he was an idiot! Michael Bay stole so much from this episode to make his fifth movie. Why couldn't he have taken that?

O: No! No more Bay movie talk! [Laughter] He so- he then flatters her- telling her that her eyes are beautiful and she immediately drops him on the ground and says, “They are?!”

S: And Sir Wigend just flops like a ragdoll.

O: [Laughter]

C: It's pretty hilarious. Outside, Spike is attempting to climb the tower in his full plate male armor!

O: He gets to the top but falls down into the moat, sinking because of said armor.

S: He proceeds to take it off with no issues- underwater- so how is it staying on?

O: I think all of this begs the question of, how did he get over to the tower in the first place? Because it was on the other side of the moat!

S: Yep.

C: He ducks underwater as the drawbridge lowers above him.

S: And Rumble walks across completely covered in bird shit.

O: [Laughter] At least he got plenty of potassium nitrate. He also clearly made a new friend, as the pigeon is just sitting on his shoulder.

S: He must miss being around birds that don't create droppings.

O: He will never complain about Laserbeak or Buzzsaw again.

S: Ramjet tells him, “Good job!” and even calls him “little buddy.”

O: Ramjet seems, like, not horrible in this. Good to know.

C: Spike, from underwater, hears them talk about the sulfur, potassium nitrate, and so forth.

O: How!?

C: It's the opposite of mansplaining: it's Superman hearing!

O & S: [Laughter]

O: Oh, and then we cut back to Starscream who's now stirring a bunch of stuff in a giant fucking cauldron like a goddamn witch's brew.

S: Where did they even get a cauldron that big?

O: Ye old cauldrons are us?

C: That had to be a thing.

O: [Laughter]

C: All of this has been to create gunpowder which Starscreams demonstrates by casually tossing some at a nearby wall.

O: You know, it strikes me he doesn't have very much respect for other people's property.

C: I mean, he's basically just in a giant, like, toy house as far as he's concerned.

O: True.

S: Yeah, Spike arrives at the top of the tower but Nimue cheerfully tells him she doesn't need rescuing because her and Sir Wigend are getting married. They're gettin’ hitched.

O: Outside, the Autobots and Nimue's father are trying to lay siege to the castle.

S: The Cons and their human allies start catapulting, uh, barrels of gunpowder into the- onto the Autobot forces, destroying their mobile siege tower.

O: Nimue's father asked how they're going to scale the wall?

C: Oh, no! If- if only we had some sort of large, mobile metal construction that could reach that height! Like a- like a man? Like a giant metal man?

O & S: [Laughter]

O: So Hoist uses his body to span the moat as Ramjet and Rumble continue to attack from the castle walls.

C: Rumble just starts punching parts of the tower wall down onto the forces below.

S: Rumble, that is a terrible idea when it's your castle and then Warpath is protecting some soldiers who are so insignificant to this scene they didn't deserve color.

O: Or actual spears!

C: It's true, they're just- they're just not colored in this scene.

S: Yep, Sir Wigend asks Wolfe for help but, instead, Wolfe yeets him off the tower. He's purple, so of course he does that.

O: Don't worry, he's fine, he landed in the moat!

C: They had parachutes, they all survived.

S: Spike walks out, stool in tow, and tells Wolfe that he has to deal with Sir Spike now.

O: Oh, you knighted yourself now, have you?

S: Fittingly, Nimue is actually the one who takes Wolfe out with the stool to the head.

C: Remember kids, it's not violence if, in place of guns, you use household objects instead.

O: Hoist acts as their forces’ siege tower and the knights use him to scale the wall.

S: Hoist will happily assist but does not particularly want to do the demolition himself.

O: He does take some offense at Warpath using him as a step stool, though.

S: Well, I think I would too. Warpath and Ramjet start beating on each other with big, ol’ wooden sticks.

C: Just like any schoolyard brawl between two boys.

S: Unfortunately, Ramjet wins this round because he's been able to charge more and, because Warpath runs out of energy, he gets tossed on top of Hoist.

C: In another scene, Ravage attacks Spike but is chased off by the owl from before, running away.

O: Ravage is super small here, like the actual size of a dog or jaguar compared to the episode where he kidnapped Chip and was as tall as Chip.

S: Merlin shows up and zaps Hoist and Warpath with lightning, which recharges their batteries.

O: Oh, yeah, magic fucking exists in this universe by the way!

C: Starscream just screeches about how, “Magic can never defeat science!”

S: Oh, Starscream, you're about to be real disappointed real soon.

O: Hoist and Warpath jump over the moat in vehicle mode, destroying Starscream's machine and defeating the Decepticons.

C: Afterwards, Spike laments that he didn't get the girl.

S: What about Carly, Spike, what about her? [Specs Note: I keep forgetting that he’s supposed to be, like, 14-15 years old? Maybe 16? Dunno how much time’s passed since the Autobots woke up on Earth. It makes the entire situation weirder. How old is anyone in this episode?]

C: Ooooh.

O: Well, at least we don't have to worry about the time paradox of being your own great- great- great- great- great- grandfather now, presumably.

S: Merlin tells them that they can get back home the same way they came here.

O: Oh! But you remember that nugget from before? It's called a “dragon mound” because a dragon has moved in!

C: And with this revelation I feel the need to mention that this means that Transformers, G.I. Joe, and Jem all exist, canonically, in a world where magic, dragon[s], and time travel exists!

O: Don't forget Inhumanoids.

S: But apparently Mertin created it originally because- well, the time travel doohickey, because he needed a time travel device to get his fancy 20th century doodads.

O: As you do.

C: They arrive at the dragon mound and the dragon comes out pissed but don't worry, because Merlin's got a totally magic-based solution for this problem: Dragon's Bane.

O: Starscream is not happy about having to trust “unscientific superstition.”

C: But as Merlin lists off the ingredients of this ‘Dragon's Bane,’ it quickly becomes apparent that Merlin's 100% magical solution is actually just gunpowder again under a different name.

O: [Laughter] Warpath chucks the Dragon's Bane at the dragon, which explodes, and the dragon flies off.

S: Then Warpath and Hoist go for some, you know, low fives.

O: I legitimately think this is because they cannot raise their arms over their heads. One or both of them, I'm not sure.

S: The Cybertronians, plus Spike, walk back through and arrive in the present.

C: Getting shot at almost immediately.

O: Spike and Co retreat.

S: Starscream runs over and tackles Megatron asking if he's happy to see him. [Laughs]

C: And Megatron just screams and the episode ends.

O & S: [Laughter]

O: Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's what I would probably do if Starscream showed up, uninvited, and destroyed my victory or something. So join, at least, me and Specs, next time for The God Gambit. Everyone bow to your new god: Astrotrain.

S: And your new idol: Cosmos!

O: [Laughter] Yeah! And I believe Specs has some, uh, fanfics for us today.

S: Yes, I do. So the first fanfic recommendation is “The Human Condition” by Wayward. It's based on the G1 cartoon continuity. It's rated T, there's some minor slash, um, there are some very there's various pairings, it's- none of it’s explicit. Characters: Mainly the Decepticons, there's a few original characters involved, and also Merlin shows up.

O: Again! [Laughter]

S: At least once or twice, um. In summary, “The Decepticons have been struck by a terrible curse: They've been turned human. But will they look for a cure or use it to their advantage?” And recommendation, it's kind of a direct callback to this episode because of-

O: Merlin, I assume.

S: Well, Merlin and also Starscream- well, how the episode starts off and, basically, why they end up cursed.

O: All right.

S: So, it's multi-chapter and it's complete, but it's in the middle of a series, so there might be some stuff that happens in it that ref- references stuff earlier in the series but it's been such a long time since I've actually read it that I'm not sure if you'd need to read early in the series but I think this can be read, um, on its own and enjoy it. But it's some of Wayward's earlier work and she’s still got it up on fanfiction.net but it's not the stuff that she's got on her AO3 account.

O: Gotcha.

S: So, I enjoyed it- it's fun, it's- it's just- it's a good read. And the secondary recommendation is “Novikov Principle” by Spoon888. It's also in the G1 cartoon continuity. It’s rated T, it's slash, uh, the pairing is Megatron/Starscream, and the characters are Megatron and Starscream with-

O: Double the amount of Starscream. [Laughter]

S: Yeah, double the amount of Starscream. And, in summary, “Starscream uses time travel and messes up yet another assassination attempt by accidentally jumping into the future instead of his past. He learns that his life to come involves a lot less universal domination than he would have expected and somehow that's worse.”

O: [Laughter]

S: So the rec is- ah, recommendation theme- it's time travel and also Starstream schemes, and it's a complete one shot.

O: Um, this one's great. I actually read it, um, I- I think an alternate either- either the author said this or somebody in the comments said it an alternate take is “Starscream traumatizes himself.”

S: [Laughter] Oh, I didn't look at any of the comments but it was one that I enjoyed reading. And that about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify, and Youtube, just to name a few. And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, or Youtube, or AO3! Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: I’m Owls.

C: I’m Chezni.

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

#transcript #g1 episode 38 #afterspark podcast #podcast

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