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heecyon · 2 years ago

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𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑; 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆 —volume one

pairing: ceo!park jongseong x brother's best friend!fem!reader

genre: arranged/forced marriage, accidental pregnancy, brother's best friend, slight age gap (reader's 22 and jay's 24), angst, fluff and second chance love.

warning(s): grammar mistakes, curse words, nicknames, arranged marriage, suggestive scenes, mentions/allusions to sex, toxic/abusive mother, verbal abuse, vomiting, mentions of food, accidental pregnancy, sort of toxic relationship between jay and reader.

word count: 14.0k words

summary: Just a year ago, you were forced to marry Park Jongseong, CEO of the Southern Branch, part of the vary famous Park Enterprises. It was all for the sake of your family, a marriage for the benefit of gaining more traction as a company. Jongseong was attentive, caring, sometimes even sweet, but your relationship was more about sex than it was about the marriage itself. At some point, everything got bad, and it was just mere sexual intimacy that anything else, and just when you were close to ending things...you found out you were pregnant.

playlist • backburner by niki • common by zayn • dos mil 16 by bad bunny • used to this by camila cabello • astronomy by conan gray • lovers by anna of the north • lover of mine by 5sos • this love by taylor swift • julia by lauv •

volume two

CEOs & ARRANGEMENTS MASTERLIST

taglist (open): @iloveoceaneyesss @abdiitcryy @chimajeyn @sjakewrld @loves0ft @duolingofanaccount @ufoundme @sunghoons-mole @tobiosbbyghorl @dasa3040 @monkeybabyzz @snowysung @wonyofanclub @prdxinvade @dearhee @zhrtics @woinswoo @rerequire @in2jhae @darkreymbow @ahnneyong @uuwonniee @hueningluvbotsworld @iwuvjay @zen003xx @pshchives

author's note: So sorry for the delay, I'm still not done with volume two, and I wanted to have ready before publishing volume one, but I'm very impatient. The story is so long (it's 39k long at this point) that I had to divide it in two parts. I'm really anxious, because I don't know if this is good... but here you go. Also, the story is narrated mostly on the MCs views, not in first person, but mostly in the ambience that she is around.

PROLOGUE; And for once, I don't care about what you want. As long as we keep talking

It wasn't that the hospital bed was uncomfortable. It's the ambience, the situation that you just got into that made you uncomfortable.

Jongseong wasn't showing any type of expression, he was just standing, staring at the floor, maybe at his feet. You swore that his soul was wandering somewhere around the room.

You should've ended things sooner.

Maybe it was your fault, somehow.

ACT ONE; I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling. You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling

Ever since you had memory, Sunghoon has been your best friend. You were both polar opposites, but somehow you still got along perfectly. While Sunghoon was way more reserved, introverted and shy, you were outgoing, talkative and extroverted. Wherever Hoon went, you would follow him as well, as a baby chick following her mother.

And of course you weren't a stranger to Sunghoon's family. The Parks were very well-known around the continent, but it wasn't because of that. Your parents knew very well the five-membered family. As well, you were born in an old money family, from a very old business in the country. They had a very good friendship with The Parks, and that's how you met Sunghoon.

You would always visit the mansion with a huge smile on your face.

"Do you want more donuts, Bellie?" Hoonie asked, his cutesy twelve-year old face, stuffed with the strawberry jam-filled dessert. You held back a giggle, trying hard not to laugh. "Yes, obviously." Soon, you grabbed a donut from the counter. It had a delicious vanilla frosting, but on the inside it contained a nutella filling.

Bellie, Belle.

Those were the nicknames that the family gave you, well… Jay gave you that nickname. It started when you started dressing up as Belle from 'The Beauty and The Beast' every single halloween. Jay kept the name to joke around with you, but it soon became a way that they called you to express how dearly they loved you.

When you played around with dolls, it was a completely different story. With your friends, you used to play with baby dolls, pretending to be mother's taking care of their children.

But some of them didn't truly believe the name that you gave to your "baby".

"What's her name again?" The four year old in front of you asked. She didn't understand what you were saying.

While your friends gave their "babies" names like: Areum, Young-sun, and Lily. You, on the other hand, gave your "child" the following name…

"Noa, her name is Noa."

The kids looked at you weirdly, it wasn't a name that you usually heard, but you had always liked it.

Your parents had taken you on a business trip to Japan, alongside your older sister. They took you both to their offices in the country, where other kids would wait for their parents.

You were left alone, your sister leaving you behind to play with other children. You tried to play around with other kids, but they seemed to ignore, find you annoying, even, because of your chatty attitude.

The only kid who did not ignore you was a girl two years older than you, she was obviously smaller, but she was educated and sweet, and with the knowledge that she had, she held your hand taking you somewhere else to play.

"Play hide and seek?" Those were her first words towards you. "Of course!"

You were only happy that you got to play with somebody, that somebody was not ignoring. You just played around with her, both of your tiny legs looking for places to hide around the building.

And when the end of the day came, and you were being scolded by your mother to hurry up, you finally asked her:

"What's your name?" You said grabbing your glitter backpack.

"My name… is Noa."

The name sounded beautiful to you, something that you'd never heard before. And you remembered her, because she was the only kid who did not blatantly ignore you.

"Daddy, what does Noa mean?"

Your father had complete knowledge of that foreign language, within seconds he had answered your questions.

"It's a really nice name, it means 'from love' in japanese. Why do you ask?"

"I met a girl today, she was named that way, and I thought that the name was pretty."

That was the origin of that name that caused your friends to turn their heads, with time they got used to it, but they always found it curious.

As you were both enjoying your dessert, a presence came into the room. "I thought I told you to leave me one of those." You both turned around to see his older brother.

You were four years old when you first met Jay. Sunghoon had become your play partner and the rest of the kids were on a trip to the United States.

They had finally come back home and at first you weren't that interested, but when you first saw Jay coming through the entrance door, your heart gained experience for what a palpitation was, at least that's what your younger self thinks. For you, he was the most handsome boy you had ever seen, that childhood love that every girl would like to have for themselves.

"Sorry, they were way too delicious, they might have gone to waste." You said with a smirk on your lips. Nearly shoving the donut to his face.

Jay rolled his eyes, a small laugh coming out of his mouth.

"You are something else, if you continue like this you might as well just corrupt my brother with your silly personality."

"I'm sorry, but my personality is not silly." You got up from the seat, standing up in front of him.

For him, you could be a beautiful ray of sunshine one day, and the other you could be a huge gremlin, there was no in between.

"Sometimes it can be… you don't need to get so mad just because somebody finds you cute most of the time." "But I thought-"

He said lowering down his eyebrow, his hands laying on top of your shoulders. Jay sometimes made you feel things that you simply couldn't explain. You weren't in love with him, you just found him very attractive, and handsome…If someone would've told you would be feeling this way towards a boy, you were pretty sure that you wouldn't be friends with Sunghoon if it was because of that.

"When I say silly…I mean cute. Don't really want another cute person close to me, except you."

A sudden flush took over your cheeks, and till this day you are way too sure that something inside of him lighted up, right inside his soul.

But that wasn't the first close encounter you had with Jay.

Sometimes, things got way too intimate.

People knew you in high school as the witty, and silly girl, a ray of sunshine that illuminated the beautiful light blue sky. You made friends very easily, and were actually a good student.

You still hung out with Sunghoon during the school breaks, but because you were in different classes, you didn't see each other as much at school…but you did at home.

Still, the both of you tried your best to see each other at school.

It was one of those days where you waited for Sunghoon at lunch hour, the rest of the Parks were in the same class as Hoon. So, it wasn't a surprise for them that you were waiting for their youngest brother.

Even though you felt fazed at the moment, going back to what happened that morning. You had a small problem with one of your classes, chemistry to be exact.

It wasn't your forte, but you always gave your all, even though sometimes you felt a little bit lazy.

When your mother received your report card, a few days ago, she just focused on the B- that you had gotten in that class.

Among the various 'As' that you'd gotten, she only focused on that class. She scolded you, not only that… She yelled at you.

"Such a disappointment! How are you going to take care of a business with these horrible grades?!" She pressed her hand on your arm, as you looked at your sister, she gave you back a look of pity.

"Eunji, you don't have to be that way, it's just a grade, she does great in every single other class." "If you keep justifying her, she'll stay behind her sister and will continue to be a failure."

It wasn't like you weren't used to being called that way, it didn't bother you anymore, other than that it just made you realize that you would prove your mother wrong no matter what, you would be nothing like her.

"Hey, Sunghoon isn't done yet. You'll have to wait for a little while." Jay said getting close to you at the doorway

You still didn't understand why he never wore his uniform correctly. His school jacket was on, with the unbuttoned school shirt underneath.

And for some reason, he always wore a rock band t-shirt underneath his outfit.

By that time, Jay's hair was cut short. Bangs hanging on his forehead. Which was a problem, because for you… He looked hot. Jay was a good student, but with his image it didn't seem like it.

Girls were always trying to get his attention, as well as his brothers'. It was reasonable, they were incredibly handsome, but for you, Jay was something else.

"Yeah, I don't really mind." You responded, shrugging your shoulders

Jay examined you from head to toe. The way you looked down at your feet, the way your dark bangs covered your face, the way your skin glistened close to the sun and how your pink tinted lips would perfectly fit on his.

He also noticed your scent, a scent of cinnamon and vanilla glaze. It just made him more attracted to you.

Jongseong let a finger get close to your face, he then used three of his digits to move a piece of hair from your face placing it behind your ear. It felt like a light brush against your skin.

"You had a hair sticking out." The boy said with confidence. Your scent makes its way into his nostrils, as if you were tempting him into kissing you. He wondered what your lips tasted like? Did they taste exactly how you smelled like? Sweet and yummy?

On the other hand, your heart was beating irrationally, and soon you felt like your stomach was pressing against your ribs. Why was Jay making you feel such things?

"I can take you somewhere else, that way you won't miss your lunch." Jongseong's voice took you out of your trance in a complete surprise.

"And where would you take me?" You asked suddenly, gaining confidence.

"I know a place." He said getting closer to your body. You felt yourself heat up on the inside. "What about Sunghoon?" You came up with an excuse.

Jay looked back into the classroom. A focused Sunghoon getting in his view, still invested in his notebook.

"He won't mind." The boy said looking back at you, a smirk adorning his lips. "But-"

"Trust me, Y/N. Let's go." He held a grip on your arm, carefully guiding you to wherever he was taking you.

He somehow managed to take you to a place outside of the school territory. It was a burger place, decorated with hanging plants, cacti on the floor and white long couches that sat around the restaurant.

Jay guided you towards one of the couches, a table in front of you.

You both proceeded to order from the menu. Shy to order anything without having your wallet in hand, just having a few dollars in your pockets, Jay said the following. "Don't worry, order anything you want. Lunch is on me."

You nervously shook your head. "No, no. I'll pay for my own food." "It's alright, I'll pay for you. I don't mind." He smiled.

In the end, both of you ordered what caught your interest from the menu. And when it arrived, you were ready to devour. You know those delicious hamburgers with a juicy patty and that magnificent melted cheese? Well, that's what you were devouring, including those delicious cheese balls that you always liked.

"Can I have some?" Jay asked, pointing at the basket full of the delightful appetizers.

"Well… Let me think about it." You said while grabbing a cheese ball. A hum escaped your lips as you pretended to think about giving him the snack. "Ok, you can have it."

Jay happily grabbed the cheese ball from your hand, and just as he cheerily ate the snack you giggled underneath your breath. For you, he looked cute. And you continue to enjoy your lunch together, sometimes the silence that you would be in after a conversation, would be comfortable and warming.

Sometimes you didn't notice how he would stare at you in awe, as if he was seeing a hidden wonder from the world.

And then you asked him something, "Have you thought about what your grandfather told Sunghoon?" The inquiry you made had caused Jay to get out of his trance. He looked at you with strange eyes, as if he was thinking about what he wanted to answer.

His grandfather had always been skeptical, also a little bit stressful. When the boys were just little kids, he kept talking about how they had to continue the family business. They were just five at the moment, and they didn't understand what he meant. But as they grew older they soon got a hold of the situation.

'Park Enterprises' has been a family business since 1962, exactly founded by Mr. Park, it started as a small office, a business to start technological advancements. Soon, the company grew to be huge, having three different branches in South Korea.

SPE, or The Southern Branch, is the one in charge of the Nanotechnological Advancements. NPE, also called The Northern Branch, is the one who takes care of the Communicative Technological Advancements. Meanwhile WPE, or The Western Branch, is the one in charge of Healthcare Technological Advancements.

The enterprise had become an empire that had spread around the world. With different sucursals in Italy, U.S, even some countries of Latin America. It was clear that it was a very successful business, a well known name that was stuck to the public's mouth.

No matter what happened, the brothers saw this business as their future responsibility. They wanted to make their family proud, and they were ready for whatever they had to do for the family business, even if it was not what they wanted.

"If my family thinks that it's for the best, then I'll do whatever they want me to do." You looked at him, raising your eyebrows with curiosity and surprise. You always say Jay as a man that was stubborn and obstinate, if he didn't like something he would say it, and he wasn't someone to give in easily.

So, you scoffed. "That sounds so weird coming from you." He raised his head looking at you. Jay knew that somehow you were right. He didn't want to be brainwashed by his family, but that business was his family's pride and joy. He wasn't ready to let them down.

"What do you mean?" Jongseong pretended to be clueless. A sigh escaped your lips.

"Jay, you can't have kids when you are just 17." You stated calmly. "You also can't get married at your age, you are too young."

It wasn't that you were saying it just because of Jay. You were saying that to yourself too. The reason why you had met 'The Park Family' in the first place was because you came from an old money family.

Your family owned a business, 'Baezen Corp'. An investment company that has been led by your family from various decades and generations. Your older sister was the first in line to take charge of the president position in the company, meanwhile your family still analyzed what position you would have under the business (if that's what you wanted), as you were still young and they still wanted to check if you were perfect for the family business… and with the way that your mother saw you, you found it a little far away.

"They didn't say when they plan to engage me with someone." He muttered under his breath.

You slightly shook your head in disappointment, trying your best to alleviate the bad energy that you had just provoked.

"Also, do you even have an idea of who you want to marry? What exactly do you look for in a girl?"

Jay, then raised his head to look at you. He parted his lips getting ready to start talking, as if he already planned what to say even before you asked the question.

"I'm looking for a girl that is sweet, a girl that looks like an exact representation of the moon, but that her personality is just like the very rays of the sun falling into the ocean waves." He proceeded to stare at you, looking deeply into your eyes, as if he could read your soul. Jay's cat eyes shone from enchantment, anticipation, almost as if he was under a spell.

A spell that you might have put on him, his gaze was enough to make your heart race, and to make your fingers tingle from excitement.

"I want a girl who is intelligent and has a passion for learning. A girl that smells like cinnamon spice and vanilla. I'm looking for a girl whose lips will taste just like an exquisite dessert. And lastly, her eyes have to shine like the moon reflects itself on the water when she looks at what she loves and desires… Just like you, right now."

His last words made you blink in shock, you hadn't noticed how hard you were staring at him. But it seemed that at some point you might have been under the spell that he had been just a few seconds before.

"Sorry, it's just that your description sounded so poetic, I didn't know you could be so romantic." "There are some things that you don't know about me." He smiled.

You cleared your throat before proceeding. "Where have you seen a girl like that, anyway?"

You saw the boy get closer to you, moving his seat right beside you. Then, he moved his hand close to your locks, moving them away from your face.

"It might surprise you, but I'm staring at her right now."

That was the moment that your breath got stuck somewhere around your respiratory system. As if you had forgotten all of a sudden how to breathe.

You had expected Jay to tell you all those things. Yes, he was a tease sometimes, but never intimate with his words.

"Jay."

For a second your lips parted, and you felt that you were getting closer to each other, as if your lips were to touch at any time. The boy creeped a hand down to your neck, causing small tickles on your skin. His eyes were now dazed, left with nothing but a small glimmer.

And then the phone rang, Jay's phone to be exact.

You both backed away quickly, and you nervously passed your hands on your skirt, as if you were trying to keep it clean.

"I-It's Sunghoon, we better hurry. Class is about to start." This time he didn't look at you. It was like he was ashamed or was simply just shying away from you.

"Yeah, you are right."

It wasn't a few hours later, when you were at their house that things got intense. You had asked Hoon to help you with some homework, but he told you something that you weren't expecting.

"I don't really remember any of this, but you can ask Jay for some help."

And that's how you ended up at their study room, with Jay right beside you, giving a quick eye to your chemistry book, before turning to the next page.

How was it that he smelled so good? Just like amber and citrus, a small touch of wood but also warm.

How was it that he caused you to want to crawl out of your skin? The fact that he wasn't bothered to help even though he had better things to do, was causing a small race in your heart.

"It isn't that hard, it's actually quite easy. You just have to identify the components and use the formula. The formula is not that hard either- Bae, are you listening?" He waved his hand in front of you, causing you to wake up from your trance.

"I thought I lost you there." You looked directly at his lips, the mark at the middle of the skin calling your attention. It was as if they were calling you, calling your lips. You wanted to kiss him.

You inhaled deeply, getting ready for what you were going to say.

"Can you finish what you started?" Jay looked at you confused. "What do you mean?"

It was now you, who got close to him. Your hand making itself comfortable at his cheeks, the naughty of your thumb rubbing the end of his sharp jaw.

"Can you finish what you started? Please." You said with a little plea in your voice, like your body was desperate for his lips.

Jay looked hesitant, but he didn't waste a second to pull the same move that he did at the restaurant. His fingers guiding themselves to your hair, and softly caressing it in a comforting way.

"If we kiss then, I don't think I will be able to stop." "Then don't, just stop until you've finished what you provoked in me."

And that's when it happened, when the soft flesh touched yours, how you felt them pressing against your upper lip. He then moved them trying to start a monotonous movement. You felt his hands then at the bottom of your hips, your skirt being the only thing that stopped them from touching your skin.

You both felt as if you were running out of air, so you slowly disconnected your lips from the other.

Your hand was still stuck to his jaw, and you stayed like that until you came out from your dazy phase.

"I-I have to go back home." You stood up from the sofa, grabbing your stuff and letting your feet lead you to the door.

A while after that, both you and Jay pretended that nothing ever happened, and getting close to each other caused certain things on your skin, you were way too nervous to be around each other.

The Park Brothers graduated high school and that just meant that they were a step closer to getting what their family wanted.

You followed their steps two years later, and even though they were occupied with college, they still had some time to enjoy with you. It wasn't the same as it was before, but it was still fun and joyful.

But, it wasn't until you were twenty-one that something happened. It wasn't disheartening, it was just weird and obviously unexpected. You knew that you had feelings for Jay, you couldn't deny it. It was the butterflies and pixie dust that you felt every time you were with him.

"Unnie? Is something going on?" You asked as you walked into the backyard. Your parents were sitting across the huge table that decorated the garden. Your sister, Juni stayed at a distance, like she was trying to keep the situation from getting more awkward. She wanted to be there, but not didn't really want to invade your space.

"Mom and Dad have something to tell you. We thought that it would be better if we stayed here so you could take fresh air." Juni softly grabbed your arm guiding you towards a chair that was just in front of your parents seat.

You adjusted the skirt of your dress, and then noticed the serious expression on their faces. Mr. Bae and Mrs. Gwan, two successful business leaders that were well respected by the public. These were their faces when they had a critical meeting, when they needed to be direct and strict towards some clients.

"Is something wrong?"

And that was the same expression that they taught you just by doing it themselves. Something that no client wanted to see, neither any single worker and worse, their own daughters.

"Dear, you know how important Baezen Corp is to us. It's been an essential part of our family for a long time, and the thing is that joining our hands with other companies wouldn't be a bad idea, especially if it means for the future of the business."

You frowned at your father's words. Not because you found it weird, but because you already knew all those things.

"I know, father. You've been telling me that ever since I have memory, but it terrifies me what you want to tell me."

Your parents glanced at each other. Getting ready to tell you the news.

"Darling, your sister is soon becoming the president of Baezen Corp. and that means that she is going to need a vice-president by her side to help her manage the company. And you've proven to us that you deserve that spot." Your jaw fell in surprise, you never thought that you would be vice-president for Baezen Corp. You thought that you weren't good enough, but your parents have now proved you wrong.

"Is it really? I can't believe this. Thank you so much, I promise that I won't fail you." You stood up from happiness, but your sister put her hands on your shoulders for you to sit back down.

"That's not all we have to say, dear. There's more to communicate, and we don't know how you'll react." The smile from your face fell.

"How I'll react? How I'll react to what?"

Juni gave them a short glance before they continued speaking.

Your mother cleared her throat. "Y/N, we've been talking a lot with The Park Family, about how we want our business to grow and how we want it to last for many years."

"And we thought that it would be better if we join our businesses to make a new branch, where the next generation of our family will be in charge. So, not only are our companies joining together, but also our families."

This was the moment where you knew what they were talking about, this wasn't about you taking the position of Baezen's future vice-president. This was about your family making sure that you kept on for various generations. That was when your father spoke up again.

"Dear, you are getting married to Park Jongseong."

There was a huge fog that fulfilled your mind, and it felt like the world was moving all of the sudden. You weren't ready to get married, and it wasn't because of Jay, it was just that you wanted to get married in your own will, with somebody you loved and that loved you back.

Your body went numb and you felt your legs shutting their nerves down, as if you had gone paralyzed by the shock.

"Y/N, you got to understand that it's all for a major good." The voice of your mother sounded so distant and incoherent, as if you were underneath the water. You could feel your sister's hand across your shoulders, soothing you into a state that was supposed to be calm, but instead you just felt confused and lost.

You didn't want to get married.

You could not get married.

Because…

Jay didn't love you.

At least, that's what you feared...

ACT TWO; And whether we're free-willed or predestined, clearly I've not learned my lesson, even now. Hope he doesn't strike me down.

For the following week, you were dazed, nervous and stressed. Your special task was to maintain a peace of mind that you simply didn't have at that moment.

It was as if your brain was on fire, you were full of a million questions that weren't being answered for you.

Did Jay know any of this?

Was he in the same state as you were?

Did he approve any of it?

Did he hate you?

The less that you wanted was Jay to hate you, you wanted the exact opposite. But you didn't want to force him to love you.

At the moment, you were at one of the tables from a luxurious hotel. It was a company party… Park Enterprises' party, to be exact.

You felt embarrassed to be there, but your mom's tightening grip kept you in that place, her fingers hurting the delicate skin of your arm.

How red would it be after that…

Your entire family was there, not only because they were friends, but because your engagement had a lot to do with it.

Hands went to a glass of wine that had been given to you by one of the waiters, you drank a few sips, enjoying the taste of grapefruit and kiwi that the alcoholic drink contained.

The clinking of a spoon against a wine glass was heard across the room. The Parks had rented the whole building just for this event, and even though it didn't seem pleasing for the management, it was beneficial for the hotel owners.

"Dear guests, I hope you are having a pleasing evening. Thanks for coming to the celebration of Park Enterprises' 60th anniversary." Mrs. Park wore a long black dress, it had small pieces of diamonds decorating the torso of the clothing, she wore long sleeves and her jet black hair was down.

She looked so young and happy, like she had just found a lucky charm for a special collection. She looked… Proud.

"But, we are not only here for that. We are here also, to celebrate something really important."

"Soon next year, our son, Park Jongseong will become the chief executive officer of Park Enterprises' Southern Branch." Those sudden words made your heart leap up to your throat. Jay was finally taking his family's footsteps and for some reason that got you scared. That could mean that you both wouldn't spend as much time together as a couple. You would be vice-president of Baezen Corp. and Jay would lead the Southern Branch as its CEO.

People clapped from joy, or maybe compromise, you could care less, but being at the party just made you wish for some fresh air.

Maybe it was because you couldn't keep your eyes away from Jay, he looked so elegant with his tux, not only that, but he also looked hot.

You walked away from the room, going towards the pool area, the water being an artificial blue, looking just like a blue flame. The area was big and nice, with a clear view towards the city lights of Seoul and its buildings. There were various pool beds, big and round with white sheets, but gray borders. You sat on one of them, right below a louvered roof that was connected to a wall.

The thought of Jay being your soon-to-be- husband was terrifying, not because you were marrying him, but because the thought of him hating you because of it was eating you alive.

But there was another thought on your mind. Your first kiss. It was with Jay, he was your first kiss, and for you, the fire that was coming up inside your body that day was coming back the moment you saw him with that tux, he looked so professional and mysterious, as if his aura was different.

Jay had always been confident, but this time it was different, he looked… powerful. Ready for everything and anything.

You caressed your exposed leg, eyeing the soft fabric of your white, short dress. You kicked off your heels, feeling them press against your ankle.

The water from the pool was moving, but in a calm way, you tried concentrating on it, trying to forget about everything that was going on. For one night you just wanted to relax and forget.

A shriek escaped your lips when you felt contact within your skin. It was a hand, and when you turned around, you fell deeply into that familiar and deep gaze.

"Why aren't you at the party?" You brushed Jay's hand off from your shoulder. "I needed some fresh air, it was a little bit suffocating in there."

Jongseong passed a hand through his hair, keeping it away from his face. "Are you okay? Be honest with me, Y/N."

No, you weren't okay, there was something strange building up inside you, the fingerprints of your hands wanted to touch him so bad, it was a necessity at that point.

"I'm okay, it's just… you know, things have been weird recently and it can be kinda overwhelming."

Jay knew that there was something that you weren't telling him, you were hiding something, and deep inside him, he wanted to uncover it and at the same time he wanted to kiss you so profoundly that you would both forget your names.

"You are lying, baby." He grabbed your chin, making you look at him. Jay needed you so bad, he was done hard for you, head over heels.

You inhaled before answering again. "I don't want to be your wife if you don't love me."

"This isn't about love, Y/N. This is about our families… but that doesn't mean that I don't feel something for you right now." Jay looked at your lips, they were glossy and red.

Beautiful, he thought.

"Do you love me, Ms. Bae?" You feared what would happen if you answered that question truthfully, and Jay did too.

"I don't, Mr. Park." You lied with an awkward smirk, you shamelessly lied, and somewhere inside him, Jay knew that you were lying.

And Jay swore that his heart shattered when he heard those words come out of your mouth. So, he came up with the next question.

"Do you lust for me, Ms. Bae?" His eyes turned dark with curiosity.

"I do, Mr. Park." You whispered underneath your breath. Your face being inches from touching. "Do you lust for me, Mr. Park?" You said feeling his lips almost brush yours.

"You already know the answer to that." And with that, he kissed you. And he did roughly, it was so rough that you grabbed his hair as your lips crashed against each other.

His hands moved towards your hips as they did the first time. He didn't want to ruin this, you didn't want to ruin this.

You loved each other and you knew it, but your biggest fear, for the both of you, was that your arranged marriage would kill off that passionate love that you felt ever since you were teens.

You both knew you lied, but it was better to know that lie than knowing the truth and then it being shattered.

And when he laid you on that bed, you both knew that this was the start of something new.

A beautiful and lustful lie.

ACT THREE; After everything you put me through, I somehow still believe in you.

Your heart was about to break through your chest, all because what was happening at the moment was completely unbelievable. When you were little, you always had this fantasy that you would get married to Jay, your parents always said it as a joke and to play around with you, but you never thought that it would actually become a real thing.

Because right now, you had Jay dressed up as a groom in front of you, his hair back, only a few strands in front of his face.

The way his warm hands held your cold ones, and the way you felt your heart fluttering because he was right there, in just a few minutes Jay was going to be all yours, your husband.

It was just the way that you felt your feet go numb by knowing that he was about to say his vows to you.

He looked so unreal and so elegant, but if you could be inside his mind in that instant you would've been overwhelmed by how overestimated Jay's brain was at the moment.

Jongseong thought you looked so beautiful, and the way you pressed your lips in nervousness was heartwarming. He knew that at heart he wanted to be with you, so bad. He'd never had such strong feelings for anyone before, in his entire life.

Seeing you right now, Jay realized how bad he wanted things to work out, how bad he wanted you to be his wife. But he was afraid, he was afraid to grow attached to you, because he was afraid that after this you would both end up heartbroken.

"I, Jay, take you, Y/N, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life." He meant that last part, with his whole heart he meant it, how could he not love you.

But how can you love someone and also be afraid of loving them?

"I, Y/N, take you, Jay, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Your parents were watching, both of your families were watching how their kids were fearful to love somebody with such passion. How could you be able to survive something like this? Pretend you both didn't love each other just for the mere fact of fear.

The ring exchange was just around the corner and everything just felt more surreal, as if you were stuck in a dream, a dream that was magical, but also painful.

The rings were presented to you, Jay grabbing yours, a beautiful ring with a shining heart-shaped diamond on its center.

You swore you saw his hand change, but he was shaking in anticipation, in amusement. Jay held back a chuckle, trying to keep it cool, but he gave a quick glance to you with a nervous smile, lips sealed together.

"With this ring I, Jay, take you, Y/N, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us." Jongseong slides the ring on your finger, feeling the cold sensation of the sacred ring in your digit.

You gave him a warm smile, a smile that he dearly loved ever since he was a kid.

"With this ring I, Y/N, take you, Jay, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us." Now the both of you had a ring in your fingers that joined you together, you were now one and only one.

You could daydream a life with Jay, but you couldn't envision it in your day to day life. Not because you didn't desire it, because it all felt so unreal.

You were now getting married to somebody whom you were afraid to admit that you loved. And he was feeling exactly the same.

The both gave each other a glance, your eyes connected, not being able to pull them apart from the other.

"By the power vested in me by the state, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now seal your union and the promises you've made to each other this day with a kiss."

You looked at each other for a moment, this was it, you were now sealed by sacred union.

"May I?" Jay whispered.

You nodded your head with a shy smile on your lips. "You may"

The feeling of Jay's soft lips on top of yours was warm, candid, and sweet. Cheers from people could be heard from behind you…

From now on, you were husband and wife.

"This place is really nice, it's really pretty."

You had arrived at a hotel in Bali, something that your parents had planned, which was not a surprise. The flight was quiet and peaceful, Jay fell asleep on your shoulder, which caused your stomach to do weird tricks in you, you were more than nervous.

"I want to get to the pool first." Jay said placing your bags at a corner of a room. You felt his presence coming closer to you, his warmth betrayed him completely.

"So, can I call you Mrs. Park now? It has a nice ring to it." He placed his head near the crook of your neck, causing your skin to go ticklish that it made you shrugged. "Somebody's sensitive." Jay got away from your neck, but before getting away could do that, he placed a quick peck on your skin, which caused your cheeks to redden.

"And also shy."

He propped himself on the bed, his back resting against the bed frame. Jay took off his black leather jacket, letting it fall beside him.

You walked up to him, setting yourself on the large queen bed, sitting right beside him. "Can't believe I'm married to you." Jay murmured.

"Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?" You asked him with curiosity, he could feel your gaze on him. "I don't know, you'll have to figure it out." He turned his to the side to look at you, raised eyebrows, cocky expression. "You are such a tease." You whispered.

Something overpowered you, as you let your legs guide you to where your soul wanted to go. You found yourself resting on top of Jay, on his lap, your eyes looking at his lips and then looking at his sharp cat eyes.

You felt his hands naughtly making themselves comfortable on your hips, the right one rubbing your lower back, he roughly pulled you closer to him and you grabbed his shoulders adjusting your body to his figure.

"I want you to kiss me right now." His smirk was such a provocative point and the way he missed the taste of your lips made him want you closer to him. "I was already thinking about that."

He pulled you closer to him, your lips sealed against the other as he tasted your lips and the vanilla flavor they had. He continued to caress your hips in a caring manner and you finished the night with the both of you feeling the warmth of each other's skin as you hugged the other.

The sun fell through the window as you blinked trying to keep the sleep away, you got up to the bathroom just to wash your face and do your skin care before finally washing your teeth.

You heard the water running and knew that Jay was getting ready for work.

"Good morning!" You said with your mouth full of toothpaste foam. "Good Morning!" Jay responded as he washed away his soap.

You continued with your routine as the morning went on, you cooked breakfast and prepared Jay's lunch bag.

"Belle I'm leaving!" You heard his voice soon, noticing that he was already by the exit. "Wait, your lunch bag." You sprinted towards him.

"Thanks." You saw his sweet smile, being completely grateful for your efforts and your food.

He loved when you did that, when you cooked for him, but he preferred when he cooked for you, he loved doing things for you and it was slowly becoming a habit of his.

"See you at night." Jay pulled you closer to give you a quick peck in your lips, before caressing your cheek.

You saw him go away and you stayed at the frame of the door as you heard the engine go off and him driving away.

With that, you got ready yourself and packed your stuff to get ready to work. That was the way that you started your day ever since you got married, and you definitely liked it.

"Thanks as always, Heeseung."

You had gotten off from your car, whose driver was your secretary, Heeseung. He was new to the business, but he was organized and really respectful. He parked your car at the covered parking lot of the company.

The small sound of your sneakers pierced through the walls of the underground lot. You had Heeseung behind you, who wore a dark suit with a blue-patterned tie.

You walked right through the glass double doors that guided to the building offices, you checked yourself through the glass, making sure that your outfit was well arranged.

A satin primrose dress was adjusted to your body, but it kept itself away from your shoulders, a similar colored belt defined your waist, a pair of beige shorts hugged your thighs and a pair of platform sneakers covered your feet.

"Heeseung, please contact President Bae. We have a meeting with the council, do you think you can remind her of it?" The young man agreed, quickly taking out his phone to contact your sister.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Bae!"

"Good morning, Mrs." A pair of coworkers greeted you after they heard you walk through the doors.

You greeted back with a warm smile as you led yourself to your office. Heeseung opened the other set of glass doors for you, and then you left your bag on the desk to sit on the soft white leather chair.

It annoyed you that your mother had called just to tell you that she thought that your work could be better, that she was disappointed with your levels of work. Even though you slept late most of the time to make up for what your sister missed, and taking care of the arrivals of new clients.

Throughout the rest of your day, you checked the work of the staff and completed the work that your sister couldn't do at the time, you scheduled some meetings and at some point of the day you received a visit from a dear friend of yours.

"How's my Bellie doing?" Hoon was always occupied, ever since he took charge of The Northern Branch he was always taking care of something in the company building, not only that but, also overseas, it was like he lived farther away than before. He was always somewhere far, like the U.S, Europe, even other countries of Asia.

"Sunghoon, it's good to see you." You got up from your desk to hug him. He'd recently been in Los Angeles, to make a deal with a communication company for a further partnership. "I was just walking around the area, decided to pay you a visit." He ruffled your hair making it a small mess

You both sat down at one of the tables in your office, you offered an ice coffee with a dessert.

"I thought you would have a girlfriend already, you know, have settled down." "You know that I don't really want a relationship right now." Sunghoon had always been like that, he had always thought that he needed some time for himself before getting into a relationship. He felt bad for rejecting various girls, he wasn't capable of breaking their heart, but he wasn't gonna force himself into a partnership either.

"How's married life going?"

He bit down the glazed donut with strawberry jam filling, it reminded him of his childhood years and how much fun he had during those.

"Everything is going great, though I believe that we can improve some things."

You remembered how things were a few months ago, and how you had been feeling since.

The fact that your parents planned a honeymoon after your wedding was just perfect for you.

Jay was excited that day and you were more than him. After all, you were finally married, which sounded so weird to say out loud.

You spent a lot of time together, but back at home it wasn't any different. You stuck to each other for everything. If Jay was cooking, you were there, if you were working at the home office, he was there.

And the intimacy… was the way to compensate for the words that you feared to say.

But, you sometimes doubted if what you felt was lust, or if it was love. You knew there was love, but there was always some fear to express it. And that wasn't really healthy.

You thought that if you just kept it there, you would both be perfect as it was. You didn't want to ruin anything, because then…there was no turning back, there was no fixing anything.

And you didn't want to lose Jay, and he didn't want to lose you.

So, if that meant being inside each other's backburner, then you would do anything to keep him.

Sometimes it was sad, you wanted to hear Jay saying "I love you." You wanted to scream those words out loud.

A time later after having a conversation with Sunghoon, he left.

You got out of work, bring various documents with you. Waving goodbye to your co-workers, you got your phone out to contact Heeseung.

Your white nails clicked against the back of your cellphone. The fake gems in your fingernails shined because of the sun reflecting on them.

The phone rang a few times, but then it sent you to voicemail. You rang it a few more times, waiting for Heeseung to pick up, but he never did. So you called Haewon instead.

"Hey, Haewonie! Have you seen Heeseung? He isn't picking up my calls."

"Sorry dear, I haven't. He went out in a hurry a few hours ago, so I haven't seen him since." You then thanked her and hung up quickly.

A thought came into your mind.

Jay has picked you up before, but you didn't wanna bother him. It was wednesday, so I went out of work early that day.

You gave it a second thought before finally calling him.

You waited a few rings, before you finally heard his voice. "Hello?"

A sigh from relief came out of your throat. "Hey! How's everything going?" You asked, trying to be polite.

"I'm good, a little bit tired, but I'm heading back home. Are you there already?" A finger unconsciously rolled one of your locks, you continued playing with your hair as you enjoyed the sound of your husband's voice.

"About that… You think you can pick me up from the office? I don't know where Heeseung is, so I was wondering if-"

"I'll be there in a minute."

He interrupted you all of the sudden, making you smile warmly.

You waited a few minutes outside of the building, before seeing the characteristic car that was always parked in your house's driveway.

The windows lowered down, showing a Jay that was adjusting his blazer, unbuttoning his piece of clothing revealing his white shirt.

In your eyes, he looked handsome, like always, and you kept on wondering, how was it that you got married to such an attractive man. You forced yourself to get out of your mind maze, and then let your feet guide you to the car, straight up opening the door.

"Thanks for picking me up. Don't know what happened to Heeseung, he was supposed to be here." You murmured looking at your phone. "You don't need to thank me, I'm your husband after all, I'm supposed to take care of you." You shook your head in negation.

"You can't be taking care of me all the time. I can take care of myself." Jay squeezed your thigh and then proceeded to rub his hand against it, but you put your small hand on top of his and he took it as an opportunity to grab it and rub his thumb on the skin.

"I ordered some burgers, they come with cheeseballs if you were going to ask." He looks at you for a quick second before turning back to the street.

When you reached home, you got some comfy clothing and quickly sprinted into the kitchen to hunt down your food.

It wasn't surprising that Jay was there, he was taking out the plates from the pantry and he placed them on the aisle of the kitchen. You then sat on top of it, which was a common occurrence.

Jay turned back to the aisle to see you sitting on it. He liked the view, you were wearing his oversized t-shirt with a pair of shorts, it made you look cute, but he always thought you looked cute, he always thought you were beautiful.

"Alright, there's your food, young lady." He pointed at the plate. "Cheeseburger with extra cheese, french fries and with your favorite, cheeseballs."

"Thank you, young man." You bowed how you could with your position, but you then grabbed his hands and put them around your waist. "I should give you a kiss to repay you." You softly place your lips below his, all with the usual sweetness that you carried around with you.

"You should be careful, miss, or I will die from how cute you are." You felt your heart beat stronger than before, leaving a little blush in your cheeks. You turned away trying not to get disheartened.

Don't get too attached!

And when you and Jay acted as a couple, sometimes you wished that was your normal.

With that, the weeks passed and even though it seemed like you were newlywed, you soon turned one year of marriage, and obviously, Jay's family was already asking for a grandchild, his grandfather to be exact.

You visit often, with Jay or without him. You saw him as your own grandfather, he could be grumpy sometimes, but you quickly got why Jay was so sweet and caring towards you.

His grandfather was exactly the same.

You knew where he got it from.

"Shouldn't you be resting, papa?" You played your hands on his shoulders. "I have way too much energy to be in bed, darling."

"Shouldn't your husband be here with you, instead of you being here following me around." Jay chuckled, coming right to your side. "It's just that Y/N sneaks away from me, it doesn't mean that I don't want to be with her." Jay's fingers softly traced your neck, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

"She's so sneaky that she's cute at this point." You could feel his breath right at your neck, tingles spreading through your body. "So cute that you seem heavenly to me." A blush went across your cheeks and your ears. You looked at him right in the eyes, his gaze was penetrative but it shone when he saw you, like little sparkles that flew around his orbs.

"When are you two planning on giving me a grandchild?"

You felt a shock of electricity attack your heart, it hit so hard that it made your heart beat like crazy, and for Jay it wasn't any different.

"We are still not thinking about that, we are trying to enjoy what we have right now."

"Then enjoy it quickly, I'm pretty sure that you two will have a little one running around our family house in no time."

And with that, things became a little bit uncomfortable on the way back home, you both stayed quiet for a while.

That was until…

"Do you wish to have children, Belle?" The question took you out of your thoughts, but it didn't surprise you after what had happened but at the family house.

"I-I mean, if you don't want to have children it's fine, I'll be fine with whatever you want."

His words stroke your heart, he wasn't forcing you to have kids just for his family's sake. He was dealing to go with whatever you wanted to go with.

And that's what moved your heart.

"Jay… I do want children, it's just- we just got married, we just turned a year and maybe we just need more time just for us."

Jongseong nodded at your words, and his hand stroked your naked thigh, sometimes reaching the fabric of your dress, but with your finger you tickled his knuckles causing him to chuckle.

He pulled the car towards the sideway, the tigles that he provoked on your thighs were starting to go through your body, his hands moved from your thigh to the flesh of your neck, he softly shifted you towards him, being careful with your spine.

Jay's breath could be felt on top of your lips, he leaned closer finally closing the space between you, he moved his lips with a soft pace, until you fought with his to make the movement rougher and passionate. The butterflies that were accumulating inside your stomach were too much to bear, so parted your lips from his, just to move your legs in a way that you would be on top of him, both legs on his side.

After that, you kissed him again, your tasty lips being his temptation and his sweet dream. Jay's hand caressed your waist, making you fully sit down on top of him.

And with that you both started that night with a passionate fire.

Maybe something within you made things uncomfortable between the two of you, because after that, Jay started to realize that maybe you would never have a normal marriage, you both knew about it, but throughout this time, he just became more subconscious about the topic.

Your footsteps could be heard from downstairs, even though you were barefooted. A black blazer staring at you from the living room, resting at the sofa… Beside it were a few oversized sweatshirts that you wore all the time.

The smell of sweet honey and orange juice could be smelled around the house. Jay likes that smell, it was his second favorite, right after your scent and the taste of your lips, that cinnamon scent.

Even though he could feel the smell of his breakfast go through his nostrils, he was actually in a hurry, he'd actually been in a hurry since a month ago. You hadn't had the time to speak to him a lot like before and that saddened you, really deeply.

You heard the sound of his shoes through the stairs as you packed his lunch bag. It contained pancakes covered in honey and caramel, and his lunch, which was pasta salad.

Jay was already near the exit, with his bag already packed, so you sprinted with his lunch bag in your hands.

"Jay, here's your food." You said with a smile, but his face didn't express the same, it was as if he was bored, mad to say the least.

"Yeah, thanks." He grabbed the bag and opened the door in a hurry. "I'll see you at night." And with that, he left. You heard the sound of the car engine turning on, and then it drove through the streets.

"See you at night."

You whisper sounds depressive, it even caused you to feel dizzy.

He didn't even say goodbye, he didn't kiss your cheek as he always did… That's how it had been a few weeks ago.

And you wondered why you expected it to be different. You thought about that moment in the morning the whole day, even in the office, you couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Has Jay not answered your calls?" Your friend, Haewon was right behind you as you dialed your husband's number for the fourth time.

"No, he's being really busy these days." You rubbed your forehead in a little bit of stress. Recently, you felt really tired, dizzy, nauseous even. You knew that an upcoming deal with a foreign company was coming up, and you were stressed out, so that could be provoking your symptoms. "You've been busy and you still bother to call, you should talk to him. Didn't you say that he was really distant recently."

Actually, you were both distant, work had a lot to do, but also the fact that you couldn't take it anymore. Even when you acted like a couple, not being able to express the love you had for each other was a real deal breaker.

The days that you felt like telling him how much you missed him, you stayed away. The days he felt like telling you how beautiful you were, he looked away. The days where you felt like finally telling each other how much you loved the other, you both parted away.

You weren't ready to be fond of him, yet. Even though you already had strong feelings for him. What if something happened and you ended up heartbroken? You weren't a conventional couple, you were arranged married, and your fears were so big that you were incapable of getting too comfortable with him.

The sound of the telephone hanging was just the thing you needed. The way your mom called once again was not a surprise to you, but it was still tiring.

"How can you be so incompetent, so stupid?!"

"You are such a failure, I don't know how you still work here?"

"Such a high position in the company and you're still a fucking idiot!"

"You look really pale, Y/N. Do you need me to bring you something to eat, drink?" "Do you think you can bring me a peppermint lemonade, Haewonie?" She nodded as you muttered a 'thank you'.

The sound of your fingers touching the keyboard was enough to cause you a big headache. You knew you could continue at home, but things were too tense there for you to peacefully work at any space of the house.

"Here's your lemonade." "Thanks, Haewon." Your hand grabbed the lemonade, taking a quick sip, enjoying the flavor of sweet peppermint, but sour lemons.

"With Hanni and Isa we are going to a brand new restaurant that they opened last week. We heard that they have great caviar and side dishes. You should come with us, have a girl's night, get your mind free from work and from everything going on at home."

You thought about it, and it sounded really fun, but the least that you wanted was to go out and then remember that you had a lot of work to do.

"I would love to, but I have a lot of papers to check on, and I need to get everything ready for the next meeting. You know that I would go if I could." "Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll make sure that next time you are completely free so we can all be together."

You nodded, thanking her for being understanding.

By the end of the day, you drove your car towards your home, with eyes heavy and a tremendous nausea that was also brought to you with dizziness.

You pulled the car away from the road as you felt a curious vile rise up your throat wanting to escape your mouth.

The car door was flung open with desperation, your feet touched the grass as you felt the vile free itself out of your mouth and go straight into the natural floor.

You gagged as you felt how the remains of your food choked you. You felt as if the air was being cut out for you and that you would stop breathing at any moment.

As you finished, you let out a sharp breath and wiped your mouth with the end of your sleeve.

A few tears fell down your cheeks and blurred your view. The thought of sitting right beside your car became true, you let your legs rest on the ground and the back of your head felt the cold material of the vehicle.

It was such a weird feeling, you'd never thrown up before ever since you were eight years old. You started to analyze how your health had deteriorated a few weeks ago, you thought it was just a bug, or maybe it was just the huge amount of work that was causing problems on your body.

You kept on saying that you needed to rest and that you would do it, but that never happened and you always postponed it.

With the little strength that you had, you managed to get to your car and let your head fall against the driver seat. You felt a little bit relieved as you felt the nausea wave get out of your body.

It took you about fifteen minutes to take a turn back home. You drove back slowly, trying your best to prevent your stomach from getting upset.

When you reached home, you noticed that Jay's car wasn't there yet, which meant that he wasn't back home.

You felt your muscles relaxed as you felt the water coming from the shower fall into your shoulders. You got into a comfy pink sweater and a pair of shorts that made your skin fuzzy. And you combed your wet hair feeling a sudden pressure at the side of your head.

The fingertips of your hands applied some weight into your head trying to stop the possible migraine that was bothering your tired body.

You went through the night trying to distract yourself from the discomfort that you felt the whole day. Even let your phone ring a few times trying to call Jay, but he never actually answered.

You didn't feel that much appetite, so you avoided making dinner for yourself and just focused on your husband's.

But you waited for him to get home, and even though the time passed he still wasn't there with you. And that was maddening, because the only thing that you wanted was him to be there.

The clock was pointing at 11:46, and just by then Jongseong was arriving. The sound of the door closing woke you up, you had fallen asleep on the couch.

At least my headache's gone.

Jay noticed that the lights were on, he knew that you were waiting for him. He didn't want you to do that, you had enough at work and you needed to rest. At least, one of you had to be well-rested.

You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to draw the sleepiness away from your body. The numb feeling, soon running away from your limbs.

He reached the living room, the first thing he saw was your exhausted figure. Jay wondered why you were still awake… Did you wait for him?

"Hey, why are you still up?" Jay put his bag down beside one of the sofas.

Even the question was maddening. He was back at home so late and you waited for him even though you had been so distant.

"I was waiting for you to arrive."

Jay sighed with disappointment. "You shouldn't be waiting for me." He blurted out, which kind of confused you. "Why?"

He smirked in annoyance, he wasn't annoyed at you, or maybe he was.

Jay wanted you to admit that you loved him, just as much as you wanted him to do the same for you. He wanted to break the cycle of lies, he wanted to stop pretending that he didn't love you. Why did you both have to lie to each other?

Because it was so obvious that you couldn't tolerate it anymore.

"Y/N, why are you acting like you actually care about me?"

You furrowed your brows in confusion, also in annoyance… How could he say that? And why would he believe that?

Hadn't you shown how much you cared for him?! Wasn't all you had done for him enough?

You couldn't believe what he was saying.

"What are you saying? Have I actually not shown how much I care about you?!" You kept your voice at a normal level, you tried not to raise your voice, you tried your best to take the situation away from the worst. "Stop lying, Belle! We know that we are both liars in this situation!"

"And that's what maddens me, because we fake every single thing as if our marriage came out of a normal situation."

Your breath shrieked in despair, as your heart continued to crumble as if it was a piece of paper that you could ruin. Why are you doing this to me? That was the only thought that could go through your mind.

Tears threatened to escape your eyes, you looked to the side trying to prevent them from going any further.

Jay just stepped up closer to you, his own heart breaking as well, just as it was beating against his chest.

He was nervous...

He was scared.

All because he felt that things were falling apart.

"You said that you didn't want to get married to me if I didn't love you… But you are still here."

Jay's hand was placed on your chin, his whispers were enough to break you, to tear you apart in a million pieces.

"I asked you if you loved me… you said no, but you never asked if I loved you." You tried to hold in your sobs, but your shaky breaths betrayed you.

Something inside you was falling apart in rage. Where was all of this coming from?

Why was he telling you all of this? Why now?

"You've already proven me why I shouldn't have asked…" You spat your words in fury. "You are asking me if I actually care about you, but…"

"Have you ever actually cared about me?"

You grabbed his hand and slowly got it away from your chin. If you ever feared about being heartbroken, now you are more afraid about what would happen next instead of what would happen in the moment.

"Y/N." Just hearing your name slip out of his tongue shattered your heart into pieces. He was heartbroken as well, he was hurt and he was more than afraid, he was terrified.

He was disappointed with himself.

"Get your shit together, Jay."

The remainder of the night was tense, it was quiet and a little bit disturbing. Jay couldn't sleep, he knew that he'd messed up and he fully understood why you were mad at the moment.

He completely let himself go because of the hardship that he was feeling. Jay hated it, he despised that he knew that you loved him, but you wouldn't say, and he also despised the fact that he knew how much he loved you but he wouldn't say anything.

Was this how it was going to be forever?

Pretending that you didn't have feelings for the other just because you didn't want to get hurt. For some reason, that decision was the best that you could ever take, at least that's what you both thought.

Nobody will get hurt if something happens.

That's just bullshit!

As he wrecked his head with thoughts, you laid on the sofa, with a navy blue blanket covering your body. The least that you wanted was to sleep in the same bed as Jay, you didn't need that at the moment.

Throughout the night, you thought about your relationship with Jay. You've known each other ever since you were kids, and you love him with your whole heart, he made you feel things that you never thought that you could feel, the thought of marrying him was far from your mind, but when your families engaged you, something inside of you thought that you could make things work, you wanted a future with him, but at the same time you feared that loving him would break you at some point, all because it wasn't at your own will and it wasn't that you married at each other because of love.

The problem was, that if you kept up pretending you didn't love him, you would just hurt each other, and it was already happening.

You didn't notice at what time the morning came, your body shut down the moment that those thoughts hit your head. The sound of the air conditioner going off got to your senses, you pulled the blanket off your body, and your neck was stiffened from the uncomfortable position that you slept on.

The cold floor sent shivers down your spine as your feet made contact with the tiles, you got up, walking immediately towards the bathroom near the living room. You walked quickly trying your best to avoid Jay, but also trying your best to keep the vile that was rising up your throat.

You reached the bathroom, hitting your knees with the cold tiles as you threw up inside the bowl, something that you found impossible because your stomach was empty.

A huff escaped your mouth, you cleaned your lips with the back of your forearm, getting up with weak legs to walk towards the sink. A sudden but quick ring consumed your ears, and it left as fast as it came, your senses were altered, almost distressed.

You didn't understand a single thing of what was happening with your body, but your mind always came up with the same answer.

It's just stress, you thought, you brushed your teeth. Your limbs were wobbly, almost numb… But you still made your way to the kitchen after you finished washing your mouth.

The feeling that somebody was close to you, came in. Your heart leaped when you saw Jay in the kitchen, his almost tan skin came across your mind, he always had that scent every time he was close.

He always smelled elegant, luxurious, even mysterious sometimes.

It felt like a temptation being so close to him. And the way you sat on the counter chair was not helping, you bounced your barefoot leg as you looked at the material of the kitchen aisle, not wanting to look at him.

But still, you could feel the heat of his skin near you.

"Drink some water, you need to stay hydrated if you are losing fluids." He left a glass of water beside your arm, on the counter. You didn't even dare to look at him, but by the sound of the furniture moving, you could see what he was going to do. "Do you have a stomach bug or something? Have you gotten that chec-"

"I don't know why you're asking me this? I thought you didn't care." You raised your head to look at him, his sharp eyes looking into yours, making you want to look away.

"Y/N, I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You know that I do care about you." He said trying to get a hold of your arm, but you pulled away from him.

Deep down you knew that he did, he cared and he cared more than what he showed you, but you couldn't be like this anymore, continuing a lie that would only hurt the both of you.

"Something inside of me tells me that you do. But you are so distant, and we keep on lying to each other as if that is going to solve anything, and we both know that isn't doing anything anymore." Jay sat straight after hearing your words.

"Jay… I, Why do I keep feeling like this isn't working out?." Jay stood up from his seat, he was impressed with your words, words that he didn't want to hear. "W-What do you mean?"

"We are hurting each other and that's the least that I want, and I know you feel the same… But we are so blinded by each others' company that we haven't noticed that we truly aren't doing anything for our relationship, and that says a lot." "I thought that maybe we could make it work, but I feel like I'm in the wrong, here."

Were you saying that you wanted to be away from him? Was he truly hurting you that bad?

Jay's mind was completely wrecked, he clenched his jaw trying to keep away his tears, just as you… he wanted to make things work, because he truly did see a future by your side.

You were all he wanted.

He was all you wanted.

But if that was what you wished, then he wasn't going to say otherwise, because that's how much he loved you.

"Maybe you are right, maybe this isn't working out, because I really don't wanna hurt you and I know that you don't want to hurt me."

Your heart broke, because you truly weren't expecting him to agree with you, you wanted him to fight for you and finally tell you how much he loved you, but your mind knew that he was going to agree with you.

"Being together just feels wrong at this point."

"But what if we make it work out." He said hopeful. "I don't know, Jay."

Your heart hit your chest with intensity, you were still hoping that things would get better, but at that point it just felt something completely impossible.

To be clear, you had to continue with your day as if nothing happened, pretending that your relationship wasn't crumbling down and your heart wasn't shattered into a million pieces.

Heeseung kept looking at your saddened expression, knowing that you were down, and he kept an eye on you throughout the ride to the office.

He asked a few times if you were okay, but you always responded with a smile, repeating that you were fine.

Even Juni noticed your state, you felt numb and confused, if you truly loved someone how could you suggest such thing. Maybe it was because you simply couldn't tolerate the fact that you were being lied to.

In comparison to you, Jay was stressed. He didn't want things to go this way, you were everything that he dreamed of, and ever since he was a kid, he imagined a future with you. Yes, he was in a relationship with you, but it wasn't what he had always wished for.

He wanted to be one of the reasons you smiled, not one of the reasons why you hurt. Jay couldn't concentrate on his work, and he couldn't stop thinking about how hungry he was. Shit, he truly did miss your cooking!

You placed a foot on your doorstep and you felt the need to throw up, it was becoming a normal occurrence, it had happened twice at work, and that was the second time you did it at home ever since the morning.

The sink water was heavy for your stomach, but really cool and nice for your face, you washed it a few times, before finally heading out of the bathroom and getting into some comfier clothes.

It felt so nice when you got off your pleaded skirt and your white shirt, your tennis shoes were also a little bit tight, but you didn't pay that much attention to it.

Just when you were rising up your shorts, the bedroom door opened, revealing a tired Jay, trying to take off his tie. He turned his head to the right out of impression, feeling a little bit nervous .

Embarrassed, you quickly pulled your shorts up, lowering your head in a timid manner, before heading towards the door. "Sorry, I shouldn't even be ashamed, but this is very uncomfortable."

"Don't be sorry, I should've knocked." You brushed his fingers in reassurance. "None of us should be sorry, we've seen each other naked, anyways." You mentioned the last thing, in an attempt to make things better.

Jay looked in your way, just as you started to let go of your shyness. You noticed how his tie was hanging lower, and some of the buttons of his shirt were open, showing a little bit of his chest and the marks of his clavicles. He saw your black hair covering some parts of your arms, tank top that showed a slight part of your abdomen, and the cotton gray shorts that covered your thighs.

His skin looked beautiful with the dim warm light of your bedroom, and his fingers slightly brushed with your skin. You didn't notice that you were so close to him, how his gaze softened when he looked into your eyes and you noticed the little line at the middle of his lower lip, you always liked it, he had it since he was in high school.

Jay felt the blood rushed through his veins as he felt you closer to him. You could only think that if those were going to be the last days that you spent together as a "normal" couple, you should at least be able to feel his skin a few more times.

"Why do I keep feeling that this is wrong?" He murmured, as you got so close that you could feel his warmth breath. "At least, if I'm going to hurt while we are together, I wanna do it right." You whispered in his ear, looking at him once again. "I don't want you to hurt, Belle." His hand caressed your cheek, pretty fingers lingering on your skin. "But I want you to love my body, as if you just hurt me."

There had always been a difference between lust and love, even though you both didn't express the love for the other, you always felt a feeling of lust towards him, just like he did for you.

Maybe your relationship wasn't working out, but you felt a magnetic reaction towards him, something that made you look his way even if things were going wrong.

That was the lustful feeling that consumed your body.

"...At least just tonight, Jay." You whispered, knowing deep down that if you had sex with him that night, it would become a cycle until you finally came to a conclusion of what you wanted to do with your relationship. Your breath was hitched, as the air going through your lungs was heavy and slow. "You sure that's what you want?"

You felt his lips brush against your forehead, his palm making contact with your wrist.

"Yes."

His lips kissed your forehead, just for him to go down and focus on your neck, he gave tender kisses on that area of your skin, sometimes he sucked the points that he knew were sensitive.

You could only grab the ends of his hair as you felt those nice sensations, and how some of your senses started to blur a little.

Sometimes, your tummy felt butterflies flying around as he kept a hand on your neck, now paying full attention to the soft flesh of your lips, kissing them hard, leaving them red and kinda swollen.

You leaned on a wall, letting all of the feelings come to you, his kisses, how his hand was grabbing your neck, while the other kept itself on your waist.

Your tricky hands grabbed his tie, looking into his eyes knowing very well that his heart had just skipped a beat just like yours already did. You somehow undid his tie, throwing it to the side, and then proceeded to unbutton the rest of his shirt, leaving the top of his chest uncovered, his pretty skin glowing because of the beads of sweat.

"You are going to be the end of me, Belle." Jay whispered, kissing you once again, keeping his hand in your neck, as you placed yours on his shoulders, slowly taking his blazer off, letting it fall on the floor.

That night, you knew that this was going to be a common occurrence until one of you had to break off the relationship.

Because the morning after that, Jay offered to take you to your office, just for you to hook up in the car before he finally drove you off to your workplace.

When you arrived back home, you would both make out as if it was the last time that you would see the other.

You hurt most of the time, feeling that this was the most that you could have with, sexual intimacy just to compensate for the hurt that you felt, and the sadness that would consume you.

For the next few weeks, this was your new normal, you would both have a few words before you finally had intimacy. And clearly, to be honest, Jay's heart ached with sorrow, but also passion.

How was it that you could make your intimacy work, but not your relationship?

That's what he always wondered for the past few weeks.

A few days before your family reunion, you arrived home late, and you noticed that Jay was there already, his car parked on the sideway.

When you entered the house, you took off your shoes at the entrance. You brushed your hands with your skirt, because of how could it was outside, you threw up on your way back to your house, so the air had definitely affected a little bit of your body

Then, you heard it.

"I really don't want to get a divorce, but I feel like this isn't working out."

Jay wanted to say how much it hurt him that he could feel your body with every single touch, but not your heart.

"Y/N said she knew things weren't working out, and I know she's hurting because of me, and that's the opposite that I want for her."

"I want her to be happy and to not stick to a relationship that will only burn us down."

You didn't know what was worse, the fact that your relationship was now based on just sex, because you wanted a part of him to be with you, or was it the fact that Jay wanted you away from his life completely.

What hurt more was the fact that he mostly was doing it because of you, and you weren't going to beg for him to stay, because you knew that you needed to be apart.

"You want a divorce?"

Jay heard your fragile voice coming from the living room, he knew there was no turning back now.

He hung up the phone, surprised by you and your sorrowful expression.

"Y/N…"

"You don't have to say anything, I understand." You would be lying if you said that your heart wasn't shattered, and that there weren't tears slipping down your cheeks.

Until then, you would love your bodies, as if you had just hurt the other.

That's what you thought it would be.

Because you both just did.

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nxuvillette · 1 year ago

Text

LOVER OF MINE — WAKASA IMAUSHI

synopsis: you and wakasa have been together for almost six months. he decides one day to reminisce on where it all began.

❥- pairings : wakasa imaushi x fem!reader

❥- note : came up with this randomly, LMAO. it was also inspired by lover of mine by 5sos <3 i hope you all enjoy and reblogs are appreciated !!!

content warnings : sfw, fem!reader, ageless + blank blogs dni, established relationship, fluff, use of pet names (princess), some suggestive content, mentions of alcohol, wakasa is so in love with you.

wakasa imaushi never thought he was capable of falling in love.

he remembered when he saw you for the first time. he was out for a drive to clear his head and he ended up stopping at a local convenience store he had been to many times. you were standing out front, seemingly waiting for someone or possibly a ride. at first, he didn’t bat an eye at you, but that all changed when you spoke to him for the first time.

“um, excuse me, do you know how to get back to aspen street..? i kind of lost my way.”

your voice was like honey. it was smooth and sweet and rolled off your tongue nicely. if it was anybody else, he would have just ignored the question and went inside to get his beer, but something about you was pulling him in. it was like there was some kind of string pulling you both towards one another.

“let me take you there. it’s late and you shouldn’t be walking by yourself.”

wakasa never thought those simple words would be the reason why you were now lying beside him in the sheets of his bed. he found it hard to believe that six months ago he saw you as a stranger. someone who was simply looking for directions and now you were his girlfriend. your relationship was one of the reasons he had given up bad habits. you taught him to be gentle, caring. all of the things he wasn’t before he met you. he adored your little mind games.

the sun’s golden rays peeked into your shared bedroom. usually, wakasa would be fast asleep with you in his arms, but instead, he was awake and staring at your beautiful face. he could never get enough of you.

your eyes twitched for a brief moment before you peeled them open, revealing your sleepy hues that were sensitive to the bright light that filled the room. he couldn’t help but smile when you lifted your eyes to look at him. his hair was sprawled all over his pillow and he still seemed a little hazy from sleep. “mornin’ princess..” his voice was hoarse from sleep, but nonetheless it sounded sexy.

you lifted yourself just enough to lie your head against his chest. a smile spread across your cheeks when you heard the soft beat of his heart in your ear. “morning.. did you sleep well?” you twirled a piece of his dual colored hair between your fingertips.

wakasa pressed a kiss atop the crown of your head, trailing his fingers down your backside. he loved mornings like this when it was just the two of you bathing in each other’s embrace. your skin was so soft and your natural scent was enough to calm him down. it made him never want to leave your side. “of course.. especially with you here.” he squeezed your body lightly, making you snuggle into him.

you tilted your face upwards to press a small kiss on his jaw. wakasa couldn’t help but chuckle at the sensation of your lips against him. it also made him quite excited.

a yelp escaped your lips when wakasa pushed you on top of him, so you were now straddling his waist. despite your hair being somewhat messy from sleep, you still looked like a queen in front of him. “have i ever told you how fuckin’ sexy you are?” he questioned, raising his eyebrow at you.

you giggled at his tone. “yes.. always.” you smiled, feeling bashful.

wakasa brought you in for a kiss, grabbing your ass in the process. you were completely taken back by his sudden action, but nonetheless did you enjoy it. it was so great. there was nowhere else you’d rather be than with him right beside you. “i love you..” he whispered against your lips.

you grinned, pressing your forehead against his. “i love you more.” you replied.

#·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ official work !#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers fluff #wakasa imaushi x reader #wakasa x reader #wakasa fluff #wakasa x you #wakasa x y/n

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cal-flakes · 1 year ago

Note

can you do a story where the reader and rafe are bestfriends and he confesses that he likes her & he wasnt expecting her to feel the same way but she does?🧍🏼‍♀️

╰┈➤ bestfriend!rafe tells y/n the truth (blurb)

warnings: light swearing, kinda hurt/comfort, fluff.

summary: rafe get a bit fed up of listening to his friends sob story’s about boys who don’t treat her well. (very heartbreak girl by 5sos)

rafe sighed heavily as his hand ached, having been stroking y/n’s hair for quite some time. his eyes flickered between her and television, trying to see if she’d fallen asleep or not.

“y/n?” he whispered, jolting her slightly. groaning in response, she turned to face him, showing him her puffy, flushed face, covered in dried tears from earlier. “yeah?” she cooed, resting her head against the arm of the couch as she sat up, cuddling into his side.

“i thought you’d fallen asleep, are you feeling any better?” he queried, a sad look in his eyes. “i am now that you’re here” she smiled sweetly, allowing her head to fall into the crook of his neck.

sighing, his eyes moved to the television once again, deep in thought as she nuzzled into him, not caring for the splotches of tears cascading down his white t-shirt.

“do you really mean that?” he asked, deciding to go for the kill. “mean what?” she hummed, glancing back up at him.

“do you really mean that you’re happier when i’m here?” he pushed, watching as her facing contorted into confusion. “of course i do, you’re my best friend, i’m always happier when you’re around..” she muttered tiredly, a need for sleep apparent as a violet hue spread underneath her eyes.

“no but, that’s not what i- actually, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter..” rafe huffed, throwing his head back against the couch in defeat. she’d never understand, he thought. “hey, no. it does matter, cause something is clearly bothering you” y/n argued.

the sudden lack of warmth in his side couldn’t go unnoticed as she sat up in a flash, confronting him head on. “what do you mean rafe?” she sighed, resting her now crossed legs on his waist as he avoided her eyes, biting at his nails.

“y/n please, it’s fine” he plead, wanting the ground to swallow him up as he realised his options. lie, or tell the truth. he didn’t want to tell the truth, but he also didn’t want to lie. mostly because he knew that she would know in an instant if he was lying, her ability to tell honestly grated on him sometimes.

“but you seem sad rafe, and i hate when you’re sad, and like- y’know, i’m sad too! so if you tell me why you’re sad, we can be sad together” she rambled, giggling slightly as she prodded at his cheeks, clearly pushing his buttons. “so tell me why you’re sad, cause i’m sure i can help!” she beamed, cupping his cheeks.

his heartbeat quickened as he leant into her warm touch, enjoying the slight scrape of her nails against his skin.

“fine, okay. i’m sad, because..a girl i really like, like- really really like, doesn’t look at me the same way..” he mumbled, once again diverting his eyes. “seriously? who would be stupid enough to not like you back? that’s insane!” she exclaimed, pulling back to show him her shocked face. chuckling, he nodded along with her. “yeah, you’d think so huh?”

“do you want me to talk to her? i could put in a good word?” she teased, though her words were genuine. she’d do anything for him.“don’t be silly, she wouldn’t listen, she’s got too much on her mind already..”

“what’s more important than you?” she huffed, crossing her arms, utterly surprised by this girls behaviour towards her friend. humming, he picked at his fingers. “what?” y/n asked, noticing his change in demeanour immediately.

she scoffed as he fell completely silent, staring into her eyes. “rafe, what is it?” she demanded, growing frustrated. “well, it’s you..” he whispered, pulling into his lips into a thin line “what’s me? i don’t understand..”

“y’know, the girl i really like, who as more important things on her mind? it’s you y/n..”

“it’s me?”

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lucy90712 · 7 months ago

Text

English love affair- Fermin Lopez

A/n: yes this is loosely based on the 5sos song I remembered it existed recently and haven't stopped listening to it

Fermin's POV

It's always fun getting to visit a new country especially to play football but I've never known somewhere to be as rainy as England or London specifically. It's done nothing but rain since we landed but still the boys insisted we go out and explore as we have some free time they quickly regretted it when our umbrellas all turned inside out in the wind so we all decided to just go and get some lunch and watch the busy London streets from somewhere dry. The place we ended up in because it was close was actually rather nice and it was quiet too with just a few other table none of which seemed to pay any mind to us which hopefully means they don't know who we are.

Once we were sat down one of the other groups caught my eye it was a group of girls who looked around my age. It wasn't just the girls that caught my eye it was one of them in particular I don't know what it was about her but I couldn't take my eyes off her she isn't my usual type but she is just so strikingly beautiful it's hard not to admire her. As soon as I noticed her I didn't stop staring which I know is creepy but the way she smiled and laughed with her friends was just so mesmerising. Out of all places to meet such a beautiful girl a tiny restaurant in the middle of London is not what I expected but I'm not going to complain.

"Hey are you still with us bro" gavi elbowed me

"Yeah yeah" I replied not looking at him

"What have we been talking about for the last 10 minutes then?" Pedri asked

"The game" I guessed

"You know it's creepy just to stare at that girl right" Joao said

"I'm not staring" I lied finally taking my eyes off her

"You so are" Pedri said

"Has fermin found love at first sight" Gavi teased

"Stop it guys she'll hear you" I whisper yelled at them

"Surely you want her to hear us there's no point just staring at her if you don't say something you'll never see her again" Joao said

His logic was sound I can't lie. There is no point admiring her from afar if I don't say anything I'll never see her again and if she rejects me well then I don't have to face her again which would hopefully make it easier to take. That makes it sound simple but it's not that straightforward I'm not the best at talking to girls I never know what to say like do I just introduce myself do I compliment them it's all so complicated and I never seen to get it right. Of course in this situation there is the added problem of the language barrier I speak English pretty well but I don't know if I know enough to have a conversation with her and sometimes accents complicate things. It's a lot to think about but there isn't really time to think about it as she could leave at any time and I need to have something to say.

For the rest of lunch all the boys kept trying to give me pointers on what to say some of which were serious but most were jokes. They also tried to find her Instagram for me but they were entirely unsuccessful which didn't surprise me as we don't even know her name but they tried nonetheless. While they talked among themselves I noticed that she was finally getting up to leave and as if it was meant to be her friends all left her so I had no reason not to take my chance. I was going to get up and talk to her but the boys pushed me out of my seat before I could get up and told me not to come back until I'd spoken to her. I approached her as she turned to leave her table and we locked eyes for the first time and I nearly froze but I didn't I kept walking towards her.

"Hi I'm Fermin sorry if this is too forward but I thought you were really pretty and wanted to introduce myself" I said

"Thank you Fermin I'm y/n" she said

"I know this seems a lot but I'm only here for a few days so would you want to go and get coffee or something as long as you're free" I said

"That sounds great I have the rest of today off as long as you are available" she said

"Great you might have to guide me on where to go if you couldn't tell I'm not from here" I joked

"I have the perfect place to go" she said

With that we left together and I texted the boys telling them I'll pay them back for my part of the bill later. As we walked wherever she wanted to go we got to know each other a bit more she told me that she was in fact my age and that she's still in university studying psychology but she's on a break which is why she's out with friends during the day. I told her a bit more about myself but I didn't tell her exactly why I was here because I want to get to know her more before I tell her that I play football because that can really change how girls act around me. I'd love to believe that she wouldn't be like that but you never know there's girls I've met before that I thought wouldn't be so obsessed with my career but they were although I do think y/n is different.

She took us down a few backstreets before we reached this cafe which only had two other people in it which was perfect. As soon as we entered the lady running the place came over to ask y/n how her studying had been going and she offered us our drinks on the house but y/n insisted on paying. If I didn't already like her that interaction only confirmed my thought that she was just truly a lovely person and that's something I find really attractive in a girl. We sat in a quiet corner of the cafe and sipped our drinks but mostly we just didn't stop talking. I've never had such a connection with someone before, it sounds like such a cliche but we really got on like a house on fire instantly. She's really just perfect I've never found someone I love everything about from the moment I met them but that's how I feel with y/n, every good quality you would want she has she's kind, patient and not to mention absolutely beautiful.

After finishing our drinks and getting to know each other we both had to leave I'm supposed to eat with the team for dinner and she had to do some studying but luckily her place is on the way to my hotel so we got to walk together. However the walk wasn't very long and before I knew it we had to say goodbye. I didn't want this to be the last time we see each other so I just kind of blurred out that I'm here to play football and invited her to the game. Naturally she had a few questions but I answered them and she agreed to come to the game tomorrow which is how I got her number so I could text her all the details she would need.

~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

With my week off from uni I expected to see some friends and just unwind a bit but instead I ended up going out with a guy and not just any guy a Barcelona player who is playing a match in the champions league today and invited me to go. To say I'm nervous would be an understatement, I've never been to a football match before let alone been invited by a player so I have no idea what to expect. All I do know is that I'm really excited to see Fermin again he's such a nice guy and incredibly attractive plus we connected really well so it would've been a shame if we only saw each other once before he had to go back to Barcelona.

Last night I did so much googling to learn as much about football and Fermin's team as possible I don't know how much I retained but I tried my best. Something I definitely did remember was that this was an important match for the team so they will really want to win and I really hope they do because I'd love to see Fermin happy. I also realised that football was a lot more popular than I thought as Barcelona had over 120 million followers on Instagram and Fermin had over 2 million. Knowing how popular Fermin and the team were did make me anxious because I have less than 50 followers and a private account which I'm fine with because I don't like the attention but I think Fermin is worth the possible complete change in my life.

Time went by so quickly today before I knew it I was supposed to be getting ready to leave which meant deciding what to wear. The obvious choice would be a Barcelona shirt but I don't own one so I can't do that instead I just put on some blue jeans and a red top so I was close enough to wearing the Barcelona colours. I did some simple makeup and did my hair but that was all I had time for as I had to get to the stadium and find my seat before the start of the match.

Getting to the stadium actually wasn't too bad but I got so lost trying to find my seat as Fermin didn't get me just any ticket he got me a vip ticket which meant I had a really good seat but it was hard to find the right entrance. Once I found my seat I was offered drinks and all sorts of other things but I just wanted to sit there as I was feeling really nervous all of a sudden. Everyone else in the vip section was very clearly either important people or wives/girlfriends of the players which made me feel a little out of place. Everyone had designer clothes on their hair done all nicely and perfect makeup and there I was in clothes I've owned for years with barely anything done to my appearance. Most of them were also speaking Spanish which I have a basic understanding of but I couldn't make out a word they were saying so I just kept to myself.

The match was very intense which I think was made worse for me because I didn't really know what was going on but it ended up in a Barcelona win which really made me happy. All of the players celebrated in front of the fans before finally leaving the pitch which was my cue to find my way down to the locker room as Fermin told me to meet him down there after the game. I saw some of the other girls from my section of seats heading a certain way so I just followed them and luckily they were going the right way and I found where I needed to be. I text Fermin to tell him I was there whenever he was ready but seconds after I sent the text he was coming out the door with the biggest smile on his face which made me smile even more. He ran straight over to me and gave me a hug clearly still high on adrenaline but it loved it. As he pulled away he gave me a kiss on the cheek which made me blush so hard I probably looked like a clown.

"Congrats you guys were so good out there" I said

"Thank you did you enjoy the game?" He asked

"Yeah it was a bit confusing but the atmosphere was amazing" I answered honestly

"That just means I'll have to see you again and explain the rules" he smirked

"I might need more than one lesson the offside rule seems a bit confusing" I joked

"I wish I could spend more time with you but we leave tomorrow morning" he said

"But if it's ok with you I'd love to walk you home so we can spend more time together" he added

"I'd really like that" I said

He had to go back to the team for a bit but he gave me a water bottle and an apple incase I was hungry which made me laugh but I appreciated him caring so much about me. He wasn't gone that long but when he came back a few of his teammates followed him so he introduced me to them quickly as they wanted to meet me. They were all so sweet that it actually made me even more sad that they were all leaving and this little fling or whatever it is I have with Fermin will be over. We are lucky to have a bit more time together even if it is just the walk back to my place I will take all the time I can get.

Fermin took my hand and we walked back to my place together very slowly so we could have more time together. As we walked it became darker and colder outside until it started to rain which is very typically England it always rains at the worst times. I did bring an umbrella but that lasted less than a minute in the wind so we were getting soaked but I didn't care at all I'd stand out here forever if I was with Fermin. He seemed to feel the same as neither of us walked any quicker we just accepted the fact that we were going to get wet and it was worth it. Eventually we made to right outside my apartment building and it was time for us to say our final goodbyes and I can't lie I felt tears in my eyes. It feels somewhat stupid to be so attached to someone I just met but we just had an instant connection and I don't want to let it go just yet.

"I can't believe how much I don't want to leave you right now" Fermin said

"I really don't want you to leave either" I said

"I know we are both busy but promise me that we will try and keep in contact and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work but I can't let you go like this" Fermin said

"I promise I'm not going to give up on this" I said

"Can I kiss you?" he asked

All I did was nod which was enough for Fermin as he leant in and pressed his lips to mine. We were both freezing from the rain but I felt so much warmer when his lips met mine which told me that our connection as new as it is is very real. I've never felt like this when kissing anyone before let alone a first kiss which I think is the universes way of telling me that I've met someone special and to not give up on this without a fight. We kissed for a bit longer before we both pulled away and just stared at each other with our foreheads connected until we couldn't just stand there anymore. Fermin gave me one last kiss and promised he'd text me tomorrow before leaving to head back to his hotel leaving me to go inside and come to terms with all of the millions of feelings I had running through me.

~~~~~~~~~~

2 years later

Just last week I submitted my dissertation and finished my degree it has been a hard few years but I'm proud of myself for doing it. The big changes in my life don't end there though as not only have I put a big part of my life behind me but I'm moving to a completely new country. Fermin and I have been together for nearly 2 years now and today is the day I finally move in with him in his place in Barcelona. The road to get here has been long but it all feels worth it Nke that I'm going to get to see him in person everyday not over the phone.

Our relationship hasn't been normal in any way in fact our first date was over FaceTime and we started dating before we even had our first kiss as he asked me to be his girlfriend over FaceTime too. There has been lots of ups and downs and there has been times we have nearly broken up as we were so stressed with other things which affected our relationship but we made it. It feels like the hard part of our relationship is over and from now on I feel like it will be plain sailing. We have always had a special connection from the second we met but that really comes alive when we get to be together in person so getting to live together and be there for each other everyday is going to be so amazing.

As much as I love Fermin with my whole heart deciding to move to Barcelona wasn't an easy decision. My whole life has always been in England like my friends and my family and I wasn't sure if I was ready to let go of all that and completely start my new life. Fermin was so supportive as well as I made my decision he told me if I needed to move back home for a bit longer to find myself outside of education then he would support that. Ultimately I decided that it was time for me to take the leap and discover who I am with him as I want him to always be part of my life so we decided we'd move in together which it some might seem risky but we know each other so well that neither of us thought it would be a problem.

Preparing to move has been quite stressful as I've been shipping my things to Fermin so that I only have to bring some things with me on the plane but now I'm ready to go all I feel is excitement. Sitting on the plane sending my last text to Fermin before I land and we get to be together forever felt amazing but strange at the same time the long distance chapter of our relationship is finally coming to an end. The entirety of the flight all I thought about was all the things we can finally do now that we get to spend more time together like we can go on weekend trips if he has time off or spontaneous midweek dates and even just the things regular couples do together.

Coming through the doors into the arrivals area Fermin was waiting there for me, he spotted me in seconds and we just ran towards each other. His arms wrapped around my waist as he engulfed me in the tightest hug I've ever experienced he held me so tight that he lifted my feet off the floor which he took to his advantage and spun me round. Once he finally put me down his lips were attached to mine almost instantly and we shared what I think was the best kiss we've ever had.

"I'm so glad you're finally here and our lives together can finally begin" he said

"I can't wait to see what the future holds" I said

#fermin lopez x reader #fermin lopez imagine #fermin x reader #football imagine

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oncamelliastreet · 3 months ago

Note

how would u recommend getting into 5sos?? i have friends who think i'll like them but it feels like a daunting task

OOO OO OOOOO

okay A) do it, they’re the best band ever and literally so funny you’ll die and luke hemmings is the loml so like you need to

B) the way i did it was i just listened to their first album and worked from there, but if we’re being extremely honest here their first album is hardly anyone’s favorite and that’s for a reason, so if you’re gonna listen to an album first i’d say either work from the beginning because you’ll here their growth more, or their 4th album CALM is really good and it’s only like 12 songs plus a bonus track and it’s a really good intro to them, or youngblood is my fav album by them so i’d definitely throw that your way

C) if you don’t want to listen to an album first and just want to get a feel, here are my fav songs by them

- take my hand (joshua tree version) ((ashton, the drummer, has said that this is the song he would want to define their band))

- lie to me (NOT the version featuring julia michaels) (this one comes with an extremely sad music video which i would be glad to describe to you in depth

- bad omens (literally one of their best songs)

- teeth

- no shame

- jet black heart (this one is really personal to their guitarist michael and they’ve said that they’re never removing it from their set list because it’s just too good which is amazing news because this song live is CATHARTIC)

- outer space/carry on (don’t be confused by the random silence in the middle it’s the rain in outer space if you listen closely, also i listen to this one every new year’s eve because it’s very hopeful and comforting)

- older (luke hemmings ft. his wife basically but it’s literally the most beautiful depressing love song and they randomly released it one day so i was crying at the bank after school when it first came out)

- not in the same way (THEIR BEST BRIDGE)

- out of my limit

- gotta get out (the first song they wrote and it fucking slaps dude)

also for some background info: they started out as a pop rock-ish band and luke hemmings is their lead singer, but they all sing and play instruments.

luke hemmings - lead singer, rhythm guitar (but he can also fucking shred because he’s made of angel dust)

calum hood - bass, background vocals mostly (he sings the entirety of wildflower & babylon and has mixed verses here and there throughout all their albums)

michael clifford - lead guitar, background vocals (he also has mixed verses here and there and sings the entirety of emotions)

ashton irwin - drums (and a beast at them) and background vocals (he had verses here and there too but not as common)

if you listen to a song, for example, Teeth, and you pause and think wait, there’s no way that’s the same guy singing because the vocals go so high and they were so deep before, that’s not possible, ITS LUKE!!! HE HAS THE MOST AMAZING RANGE OF ANY MALE ARTIST ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET AND CAN AND WILL SING AS HIGH OR AS LOW AS HE WANTS BECAUSE HE IS AN ICON

and if you wanna get to know their personalities first, carpool karabloke was the first video i watched of them (their australian hence karabloke) and it’s literally just them fucking around in the car listening to their album CALM (side note, that albums is there names —calum, ashton, luke, michael—because if there’s one thing they love, it’s naming an album after themselves. see: 5 seconds of summer, livesos, CALM, 5sos5)

and one more thing, if you listen to them and don’t really fuck with them (you would be wrong, by the way, listen again) then two of their members have solo works!! ashton had two albums: blood on the drums and superbloom, and luke has an album: when facing the things we turn away from (this one i could really talk about for hours because it’s my favorite album of all time) and a long ep called “boy” which is also amazing, so i would check those out

okay sorry i totally just infodumped on you because i have so much 5sos info in my brain and nobody to share it with YAYAYAY so if you ever want like a super in depth breakdown of like one of their music videos or their history feel free to ask me about it because i would loooove to talk about this for hours

also you’ll have to wait a sec for your flower because my sister literally told me she got engaged in the middle of me writing this so i got distracted 😭

#5sos #5 seconds of summer

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ghost-of-you · 4 months ago

Text

we just danced backwards into each other - ch - part 9

Paring: Calum Hood x Original Female Character.

Warnings: Swearing, mildly angsty vibes, implied and referenced sexual activities

Word Count: 6.8k

Authors note: me walking in after over a year like nothing happened, have a chapter 💜

Read it on AO3

Part 8

Masterlist

______

"So Lena did you hear the rumors about you and a certain bassist?" The interviewer asks, and Lena chuckles ducking her head.

"I've been hearing them since we were teenagers."

"So you got nothing to say, you two seem to be spending a lot of time together recently," she pushes and Lena shrugs, adjusting the headphones.

"Well, this is the first time in a few years we're in the same place at the same time for a longer period of time, so…"

"So there's nothing there? Oh, she's blushing."

"He's awesome, but we've just been working on some things."

"You two seem cozy, you sure it's just work?"

"He’s like, my favorite person on the planet, we’ve been friends for over half my life, and with the song coming out and me about to go on the road with 5sos again, we keep ending up in the same place."

"How did the song come to be?"

"I had the idea of it but I also had a feeling there was something missing on it, and Calum heard it and he had ideas and we sat down one night and it just came together," Lena says the rehearsed answer that was just close enough to the truth it didn’t feel like a lie.

"And him staying in it?"

"I knew that song had to be a duet from the beginning and the song wouldn’t exist without him, so it made sense."

"And it was the first time you did something together right?"

"Yeah, and it's weird considering how long we've known each other and how long we've both been writing, and writing with him was such a great experience, he's so incredibly talented and it was one of the best writing sessions I've ever had."

"And you're still not addressing the dating rumors? 'Cause it's hard to believe nothing is happening after watching that music video."

The music video had ended up being a compilation of them on the studio recording the song, and as much as Lena hated to admit it, the edition really did give a new intensity to the way they looked together.

"I mean, it’s an intense song and we’re really comfortable with each other."

"You know, 5sos was here earlier in the week, and Calum called you his girl," she says and Lena tilts her head, trying to school her expression.

"He did?"

"We were talking about how hard it must be to go on tour with your significant other staying behind, with Michael’s engagement, and Calum said he didn’t have to worry this time because his girl was going with them."

"Hard to follow that one up."

"You did say he’s your favorite person," she points out and Lena shrugs.

"So he has to follow that one up then."

***

Lena misses Calum. That's not exactly the problem. Missing him has been a constant in her life for years now, it's second nature. The problem is that she just can't seem to find a way to see him. They text. She tries to make plans. Their schedules don't even seem to align enough for her to call. She hasn't seen him since the fight and she is seconds away from just marching into his place and staying there until she can see him. More than once she caught herself looking at plane tickets. At this point, she'll take anything that will end with her finally getting the image of the look on his face when he walked away from her out of her head.

Not that it matters much what she wants considering the way his schedule seems so unbelievably full lately, she wasn't even sure that being in the same city would mean she would get time with him.

That’s until she gets the call that they were supposed to make an appearance together. She was happy enough about it to even forget to be annoyed by the whole using their relationship for publicity part of it all. Even if she’s biting her nails as drives over to pick him up from the studio and as she moves through the building in a haze as she feels the magnetic pull of him she suddenly doesn’t have the energy to fight anymore.

"You ready?" Lena asks, tone too casual for how anxious she’s feeling, leaning against the doorway.

"Almost," Calum nods, before turning to her, holding a piece of black fabric, "you think you could wear this?" He asks, offering it to her, and she takes it, eyeing him curiously, before looking at the sweatshirt in her hands. It’s simple, just saying "Friends of Friends" in the sleeves, a triangle design in the front, and a circle one in the back.

"Is this about that charity thing you guys are doing?" She asks, handing him the sweatshirt back so she could take her hoodie off.

"You know about it?" He asks as she takes it back and pulls it over her head.

"Yeah, Sylvia talked to me about it earlier, she thought I was gonna freak after the tour meeting, but that’s just cool, I’m so in, I wanna do the Sydney one too if you guys end up needing more people," she shrugs, looking down at herself, "this is pretty, can I keep it?"

"It’s yours," he says with a smile before moving away from her again to gather his things.

"Thank you, so we’re matching then?" She chuckles, noticing his hoodie had the same logo as her sleeves.

"Two birds, one stone," he shrugs without looking at her.

"I like it, it makes me feel better about this."

"About going out with me?"

"About going out to get photographed, I’m already used to rest by now," she amends and he steps closer to her, and the way he’s looking at her suddenly makes her feel shy, "hi," she mumbles, looking up at him and his expression softens as smile creeps up his face.

"Just come here," he pulls her to him, and she sighs as she hides her face on his neck, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Are we okay?"

"We’re okay," he assures her, squeezing her closer to him, "I missed you."

"Yeah," she nods, breathing him in, before stepping back, "we should go through." "Yeah," he agrees offering her his hand, "let’s go."

________

"I have nothing to worry about, right?" A high-pitched voice comes from behind Lena as she leans against the bar, making her head snap back to the source, finding Hayley staring her down.

"Nothing happened while you were together," Lena steps back, fighting the urge to add nothing happened at all, looking around herself, trying to find a way to get out before the situation escalated because she’s definitely too drunk to handle whatever is about to unfold.

"He broke up with me because of you," she's staring Lena down and she continues to step back.

"You made him choose, whatever went down after it's not on me," she defends herself but the other girl shakes her head, staring at her in disbelief.

"You’re all over him now and I’m supposed to believe that you didn't tell him—" Hayley continues and Lena shakes her head, trying to talk over her, still moving backward.

"I didn't—"

"Hayles, that's enough," Lena as she hits something at the same time a familiar voice came from behind her, and she turns to Ashton, at the same time he steps forward, seeming like he wants to put himself between the two women, "don’t make a scene."

"I’m not making a scene, I need to know," Hayley says and Ashton steps in front of Lena.

"That’s between you and Calum, leave her out of it."

"But he dumped me because of her."

"You made him choose, it is not my fault you don't like the choice he made," Lena says, leaning to the side, and Ashton turns to her, very clearly saying you’re not helping. "Lena."

"I’m sorry, okay, but I didn’t tell him to do anything, and they were broken up for weeks before we even talked about it."

"That’s not the point," Hayley complains and Lena rolls her eyes.

"What is it then?"

"He—"

"Cal’s a big boy, he can decide stuff really well without consulting with me first."

"Lena," Ashton chastises again and she pouts at him.

"She started it."

"How about you end it?" He says, calling someone over while she continues to pout at him.

"Come on, Le," Andy’s voice comes from behind her, arm going around her waist and tugging her with him before she can fight him on it.

Lena was extremely aware there was no hiding the purple marks on her neck and cleavage. At least not with anything she had handy. She hated turtlenecks so she didn’t pack one and she didn’t expect anyone to knock on her door so the shirt she had on was doing nothing to hide them. If she decided to be honest with herself, she put the tank top on because the hickeys were proof it had actually happened. That Calum’s lips had been all over her body. But as Andy walked into her room she wished she had something other than her hair to hide them. She didn’t want to talk about it.

"You are not gonna believe-" he started, sounding excited before stopping in his tracks, doing a double take on her, looking her up and down while stepping closer to her, "is that?" He trailed off, moving her hair away while starting to laugh, "Jesus, who did you fuck? A vampire?"

"Hilarious," she rolled her eyes, but her cheeks were starting to heat up as she moved her hands to her neck in a pointless attempt to hide the bruises from his eyes.

"Wait, weren't you hanging with Hood last night?" He frowned at her, looking confused, and she nodded.

"Yeah," she mumbled, ducking her head to try and hide the undeniable flush on her face from him.

"Did you go out? How did you?" He asked, and she cringed as his eyes widened at her, face changing from confusion to realization as his jaw dropped, "holy shit, he did that?"

"Yeah," she sighed, dropping into the bed.

"Are you together now?" He asked, clearly not understanding how she was acting.

"Nope," she said, staring at the ceiling and he sat down next to her.

"Can you give me answers with more than one word in them?" His tone was laced with sarcasm and that made her laugh, sitting up so she could look at him.

"No vampires involved, we just hooked up, we are not together," she explained and he stared at her, looking skeptical.

"You ‘just hooked up’," he air-quoted her, making her groan, "with the guy you’ve been in love with since you were a child?"

"I did, yeah," she nodded and he gave her a disbelief look.

"You can't just hook up with someone you've been in love with since you were a child."

"Why not?" she said, pressing her lips together.

"Le, please tell me you’re not this stupid."

"What?""You fucked him. No strings attached?" He asked, still looking at her like she was crazy.

"It’s not a big deal."

"Lena."

"Stop looking at me like that, I knew what I was doing, and trust me, it was so worth it," she chuckled and the disbelief in his eyes changed to worry. "What now?"

"It’s just, he’s gonna hurt you, Le."

"You can’t possibly know that."

"Oh, I can, and I don’t wanna see you hurt over some dude that's not all the way in," Andy said and Lena groaned.

"He’s not some dude, and besides—"

"Oh, he’s not, that's why I’m worried," he said over her.

"—Calum would never hurt me."

"Just stay here, okay? Don't move," Andy says, handing her a water bottle and she mock-salutes him, giggling while she nods.

"Yes, sir," she says, making him shake his head, a smile on his face, before moving out the door, closing it behind himself leaving her alone.

The world is spinning a bit as Lena looks around the dressing room trying to figure out how to distract herself since he took her phone, trying to remember if she brought the book she was reading while looking for her backpack, spotting it on a corner and moving to sit on the floor next to it.

She's lost in thoughts flipping through the notepad she keeps in the front pocket, so she doesn't hear when the door opens and closes and the footsteps approaching her.

"Lena?" Calum's voice comes from behind her and she throws her head back to look up at him.

"Hey, baby!" She greets, dragging the words, her head following his movement as he sits next to her.

"Why are you on the floor?" He asks, as she turns to him and she shrugs.

"Got bored on the couch, Andy said to stay here, so I'm staying," she says, throwing the notepad back into the backpack.

"Are you okay?" He's watching her carefully and she sighs.

"I'm fine," she says, voice sounding slurry, "I'm just drunk," she giggles, running a hand through her hair, twisting a strand between her fingers, before she drops her hands to her lap, "I shouldn't have drink this much, the room is spinning," she giggles, making a spinning motion with her hands.

"What happened? Ash told me to come find you."

"Your ex thinks I made you break up with her, and I don't have a defense, because you did break up with her because I ran," she looks up at him, biting her bottom lip and letting out a chuckle, "but I actually send you back to her and that's making me think about Tay," she presses her lips together and he frowns at her.

"Why is my ex making you think of yours?" Calum asks and she ducks her head.

"That's right, I didn't tell you," she says, fidgeting with her bracelet, staring at her knees so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"Tell me what?"

"She broke up with me because of you," she mumbles, scratching her forehead, still avoiding his eyes while she feels them studying her.

"What?" He asks, voice soft and confused and she sighs, glancing at him

"I mean, I was already on thin ice when it came to you then she accused me of prioritizing you and then said I had to choose," she explains, pressing her lips together, sitting up straighter, "I don't do ultimatums," she shrugs and his expression softens.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because she was right, I would choose you if it came down to it and that wasn't fair so, it was the right thing to do," she shrugs, picking at the hem of her skirt, "and I didn't want to bring up my feelings, we both know that goes," she chuckles, watching his face.

"I'm sorry," he says, tilting his head, brown eyes looking so warm she wants to lose herself in them.

"It's not your fault," she chuckles, leaning her elbow on her knee, and propping her chin on her hand.

"It kinda is," he says, moving a piece of her hair away from her face and she shrugs noncommittally, "What happened that made her think that? We had kissed once when you were together, it was not like—"

"You called me," she interrupts him and he raises an eyebrow at her.

"I need a lot more words."

"You remember that one time you were back home and I drove up to see you for a few days?" She asks and he nods.

"Yeah."

"Well, she didn't like that, not that I blame her, and I don't think she believed me when I said that it wasn't like that with us and, well, she was already on edge about you and I was with her and you called, actually you texted asking if I could talk and called before I could answer, so I left so I could talk to you, that led to a huge fight and we broke up."

"Why did you leave?"

"I got worried, you didn’t call unless we set something up, you know, international rockstar, full-time student," she shrugs, pointing between them, "different time zones, it was hard to line shit up, so I had to answer, and we talked for like, half an hour, you clearly needed me. I don't even remember what you and I talked about, all I remember is how much she yelled at me over it and thinking that if we were at that point, there was no going back, you know?"

"That’s—" Calum tries but trails off and she presses her lips together. "Like I said, she was right, I just hadn’t realized how right until she pointed it out, I thought I was—" Lena cuts herself and he frowns at her.

"What?" He asks and she sighs.

"That was the deal, right? it didn’t happen, move on, lapse of judgment, yay friendship and all that."

"I think we are past that, love."

"We weren’t thought, and I didn’t want to explain it to you and have you freak out again, and then too much time had passed, no point in bringing it up," she says, chewing on her bottom lip while Calum studies her face.

"Did you think about choosing me?" She asks suddenly, making him frown. She isn't sure she wants the answer but she'd been dying to ask.

"What?"

"When she said she didn't want you around me, did you think about choosing me?" She explains, watching him carefully as he understands what she wants to know, and waiting as he seems to contemplate her question, lips twisting as he thinks.

"I did," he finally says, holding her gaze and she nods.

"Okay."

"Okay? You don't wanna know more?" He chuckles a bit awkwardly, and she shakes her head.

"There's more to know? You chose her," she shrugs, and his expression drops.

"Lena," he starts, but she shakes her head, one hand reaching for his cheek, gently stroking it.

"It's okay, I'm not trying to start something, I was just curious," she says, dropping her hand, patting his knee, and smiling when he takes her hand, "I think it's funny, by convincing herself that there's was still something between us, she kickstarted this whole thing, she handed you over," she chuckles and he gives her an unimpressed look, but she can tell he's holding back a grin.

"You know I can think for myself, right?" He asks and she nods.

"But if I hadn't left, well," she motions dramatically around herself, nearly knocking the water bottle by her side, "It's no wonder we're this dysfunctional now, we’re quite a pair, you shut down, I run away," she picks the bottle up, sipping on it, "but I don't like running from you," she adds, pursing her lips and he chuckles softly.

"You sure you don't like it? 'cause you do it a lot," Calum teases and she shrugs, scrunching her nose.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get all deep and personal," she says, standing up and moving back to the couch, Calum sitting beside her, throwing his arm on the rest behind her.

"You can talk to me," he says, looking at her and she sighs.

"I don't wanna start a fight or make you feel bad."

"You keeping things from me doesn't help our situation either," he says and she raises an eyebrow at him.

"It goes both ways, babe, don't act like you tell me everything."

"What do you wanna know?"

"I don't know, what do I wanna know?"

"How should I know?" Calum laughs and she rolls her eyes.

"You don’t make it easy for me."

"Exactly," he nods making her laugh.

"Wait, did—actually never mind."

"What is it?"

"I don't wanna know."

"You sure?"

"I mean, I probably am not gonna remember this in the morning anyway."

"Then ask," Calum says and she looks at him for a few seconds before talking.

"Did you ever wish you stopped?"

"Stopped what?"

"That first time, you said we were about to cross a line and I asked if you wanted to stop, did you ever wish you said yes?"

"What? No," Calum shakes his head, sitting up straighter, "Did you?"

"Nah, I think it was bound to happen eventually anyway, I was just wondering if you ever regretted it."

"I only regret how I insisted it didn't change anything, I could never regret us," he says, sounding serious enough and Lena tilts her head to the side, studying his face.

"Why did you?"

"Admitting it would make it real, I don't think I was ready for that," he says and she sighs.

"You weren't, I knew that and I did it anyway 'cause I wanted to know what it would be like, and sometimes I wonder if I pushed you, 'cause like I was half-naked on top of you, I didn't exactly make it easy for you to walk away if you wanted and, well, it was good so it kept happening and I knew it was gonna blow up in our faces but you made it so easy to pretend that you actually wanted to be with me and—"

"You didn't push me, believe me I wasn't pretending to want you," he interrupts her and she nods.

"You just didn't feel the way I do."

"The way you do?"

"I don’t think I know how to not be in love with you."

"Do you regret it?" He asks and she actually stops to think about it for a few seconds.

"I don't like how things ended, I hate it actually, but I don't regret it happening."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it makes for great writing material," she jokes and he chuckles.

"That’s fair," Calum says and she leans her head back against the arm he has behind her on the rest.

"You’re really pretty," she mumbles, almost thinking out loud, because he looks good, he always looks good, but that makes him laugh.

"I thought you were mad I shaved my head," he says, running a hand across his head and she pouts.

"Don't remind me, but you’re always pretty, it’s a problem."

"You’re really drunk aren’t you?" He sounds so unbelievably fond as he smiles at her, it's hard for her not to melt further into him.

"I told you that when you came in, I’m a very self-conscious drunk."

"You just have no filter."

"I know, why do you think I was so careful with how much I used to drink around you back when we were on tour?" "What do you mean?"

"You really need me to say that I spent the whole time we were hooking up stopping myself from blurting out my feelings?"

"That bad?"

"Oh yeah, honey," Lena giggles and Calum's face goes serious all of a sudden.

"I get the feeling."

"No, you don’t," she shakes her head and he raises an eyebrow at her, looking unimpressed.

"You remember this one party, you were wearing that blue dress."

The rational side of Lena's brain knew she didn't have any right to be jealous. But her rational side had no control over her anymore. There she was in the stupid dress she only bought because Calum liked it watching some random girl flirting with him so blatantly it made Lena roll her eyes. The way the blonde was running her hands up and down his arms or twirling her hair between her fingers as she talked to him and the way he was clearly enjoying it made her blood boil.

And the worst part is that she knew it was irrational. She couldn't demand anything. "Friends. Just friends. No matter what happened. Or how frequently. Friends. Just friends." She kept repeating it to herself like a mantra, trying to stop herself from getting worked up, clutching a beer bottle so tightly that on any other occasion, she'd be worried it would break. Until she had enough. She looked hot, the navy blue dress, a bit shorter than what she would usually go for stopping barely at her mid-thigh, hugged every curve of her body perfectly. She felt good after she finished getting ready and she wasn't about to let Calum and the complete lack of reaction on his part ruin her night.

So she ditched her bottle, walked to the dance floor, and moved to the beat, trying to think only about the rhythm and it was not long until someone approached her, some guy she was definitely not interested in, but who was cute enough for her to entertain while he danced closer to her.

"Lena, come with me," Calum's voice came suddenly from beside her, and he grabbed her hand, dragging her along with him, barely giving her enough time to murmur an excuse me before she was being dragged away.

"What are you doing?" Lena complained, following him as he moved them through the people and up the stairs and suddenly he was pushing a door open, dragging her inside it and locking the door of the bathroom they had just entered.

"What I'm doing? What were you doing?" He asked, giving her an unimpressed look and she huffed, moving away from him.

"I was dancing?" She rolled her eyes, leaning against the wall and he shook his head.

"You call that dancing?" He asked, moving closer to her and she raised an eyebrow at him, pushing herself off the wall.

"What? Are you jealous? Was blondie not as interesting as you hoped?" She mocked, looking up at him and mimicking the way the girl had been twirling the ends of her hair at him, making him groan in frustration.

"Very mature."

"What? You can hit on a random girl all night but the second I start dancing with someone you go all caveman on me?" She asked, staring him down.

"I wasn't hitting on her," he denied and she huffed again.

"Sure you weren't," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"Are you jealous?" He asked, a smirk starting to form in the corner of his lips and she groaned, shaking her head.

"Of course not, you can hit on whoever the fuck you want," she scoffed, moving around him to get to the door, "but you don't get to be mad if I do the same," she challenged, voice coming out louder than she expected as she stopped by the door, "I sure as fuck wasn't about to waste the effort I put into this stupid outfit just watching some girl pawing all over you," Lena mumbled, unlocking the door, but Calum reached around her, locking it again, her breath hitching when she turned to look at him.

"We're talking here, love, you're not walking out," he said, leaning an arm behind her, trapping her between him and the door.

"I was flirting, you were flirting, what's more to talk about?" She asked, looking up at him, trying to ignore all the effects having him this close had on her body.

"You're this worked up, so there's definitely something to talk about." He was pressing closer to her, and she wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose but it was getting harder to ignore how turned on she was at that moment.

"You drag me into a bathroom in the middle of a party and I'm the one who's worked up?" She raised an eyebrow at him and he shook his head.

"That's beside the point."

"What is the point exactly? Besides annoying me?"

"Why are you annoyed?"

"Because you're really annoying when you want to be, sweetheart," she complained with a sigh, leaning more heavily against the door.

"Are you sure you're not just jealous?"

"I'm not the one who dragged you away from someone," she said, tracing her hand over his arm.

"You're in the shortest dress you could find and you want me to watch you with some dude?" His fingers danced across the rem of her skirt, lightly brushing her thighs.

"Blondie was keeping you busy," she shrugged, ducking under his arm to step out of where he had her pinned, and he followed her movements, watching as she smoothed her hands over the dress, before groaning up to the ceiling and running her hands through her hair, directing all of it to her back, and his eyes darkened scanning her body and she had to fight back a smirk, "didn't think you would mind if I let someone else get a taste."

"You wouldn't," he shook his head, moving closer to her.

"I wouldn't what?"

"Let someone else get a taste, you put this dress on for me, we both know it," he explained, stopping just inches away from her, fingers tracing along the thin straps over her shoulder.

"Well, you were busy," she shrugged, "and I was bored," moving around him again, but he grabbed her arm, stopping her from moving too far.

"God, you're so," he started, pupils blown wide, the way he was looking at her sending chills up her spine.

"I'm what?" She challenged, looking up at him, pulling her arm from his hold, but stepping closer to him, hands reaching to fix the collar of his jacket, smoothing her hands over his shoulder, watching as his gaze dropped to her lips, "look, baby, if you want something you just gotta—" she started, trailing her fingers down his biceps, but she didn't get to finish her thought before he let out a groan and crashed his lips to hers, his hands gripping her waist to pull her closer to him at the same time he moved her backward, pinning her against the wall, his tongue exploring her mouth as his hands seemed determined to touch every inch of her body and she was matching his energy, pulling at his hair, nibbling on his lips, letting her hands dip under the collar of his shirt to drag her nails along his neck.

"Vividly," she offers with a giggle before he can finish his thought, and he raises an eyebrow at her, a smirk on his lips that makes her roll her eyes, "get your mind out the gutter, Hood, you really think I would forget the only time you were jealous of me?"

"That wasn't the only," he starts, but stops himself, making her eye him curiously.

"Are you admitting you were jealous?"

"You're the one who was jealous," he retorts and she laughs.

"Of course I was, insecure was my default setting."

"Do you still have that dress?"

"I think it's somewhere in my closet, but the dress is not the point you're trying to make here, is it? Attraction was never our issue."

"We talked after," Calum says and she nods.

"Yeah, we established we were only sleeping with each other, something I thought was counterproductive ‘cause when would we be finding other people? We were together all the time, we always ended up in the same hotel room and you kept trying to sneak me into your bunk."

"Getting you on our bus was less hassle than me staying on yours."

"'cause I wasn't the flight risk, which is ironic now."

"And I sleep better with you," he shrugs and she narrows her eyes at him.

"Sleep, sure."

"You make it sound like sex was all we did."

"It did happen a lot." "But it wasn't just sex, it never was," he argues, moving so he can face her properly and she shakes her head, looking away from him.

"We’re getting deep and personal again." "We need to talk about it." "But it's done, Cal, we can't change that, it is what it is, and it was what it was, and it was just sex," she says, looking back at him but he shakes his head.

"But it wasn't, that party, you had this smile on your face and you were wearing my jacket and I kept thinking about how easy it could be, to just be yours, it was why I told you there was no one else because I didn't want anyone else."

"Love?" Calum's voice was soft as his fingers gently combed through her hair, slotting himself between her legs again, and she hummed in acknowledgment, still trying to catch her breath, "still with me?" He checked and she opened her eyes, finding him studying her carefully.

"I just need a minute, that was," she paused, trying to think of the right word, "fuck, that was intense," she giggled, leaning against his touch when his hand moved to her cheek, and he chuckled.

"Intense?" He raised an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes.

"You really need me to stroke your ego right now? Is the state I'm in not enough?" She motioned vaguely to herself and he took her hands, stepping back, pursing his lips as he made a dramatic show of scanning her that made her giggle.

"You do look wrecked," he agreed, stepping back closer to her, placing her hands on his shoulders, and dropping his to her thighs.

"Great, it's not like I need to walk out of here looking presentable," she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck, "is it really that bad?"

"Well, now that you stopped panting," he joked and she playfully slapped his chest.

"Fuck you," she pouted and he smirked at her.

"We already did that," he laughed, making her groan.

"Oh my god," she rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but smile as he leaned down, giving her lips a quick peck.

"It's not that bad," he said, smoothing his hands over her hair, making her laugh, before cupping her cheeks and kissing her, more gently than he had all night, making her stomach flip as she melted into him.

"Great," she giggled, taking his hands, "help me down," she asked and he stepped back as she jumped off the counter, steadying her when she stood straight before she let go of his hands, turning to the mirror behind her. It definitely wasn't as bad as she expected, her makeup was still in place and her hair was fixable, the only big problem was the marks on her collarbone that were already turning purple, "really?" She complained, glancing at him while her fingers traced the marks and he chuckled.

"Is not my fault you bruise this easily," he said, sheepishly, and she leaned forward to get closer to the mirror, wiping the corner of her eyes and combing her fingers through her hair, smoothing it around her head and directing it forward trying to cover the hickeys without seeming too obvious and she could feel him watching her.

"I think that if we don't stay much longer I can get away without anyone thinking I was fucked in the bathroom," she joked, smoothing her dress, and turning to him, "what do you think?"

"I think you're right," he agreed, stepping closer to her and she smiled up at him, "but still," he shrugged his jacket off, and placed it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she said, pulling her arms through the sleeves, and folding them up so she could use her hands.

"Lena," he started and she looked up at him.

"Yeah?"

"I haven't slept with anyone else either," he scratched the back of his neck, "since we started doing this," he adjusted the collar of the jacket for her while she studied his face. He looked almost nervous and that made her stomach flip, a smile fighting its way to her face, as his hands moved her hair, "I just thought I should mention it… since we were fighting and you said I wouldn't mind if you got with someone else and I—" he mumbled, his fingers twisting the ends of her hair and she cut him.

"Sweetheart, I'm not planning on sleeping with anyone else," she said, fighting the urge to add fuck, say you want to be with me for real I'll never look at anyone else again because it wasn't like she had any interest in being with someone else. Not if she could be with him.

"Great, I wouldn't… I wasn't either," he said, face softening and she smiled up at him.

"Okay," she nodded, standing on her tiptoes, cupping his cheeks and kissing him, his hands resting on her waist, "we really should get out of here though," she giggles, nodding her head to the door.

"In a minute," he said, leaning in to kiss her again, her arms wrapping around his neck while his hands pulled her closer, "you wanna go back to the hotel now?"

"Let's go," she nodded, pulling away from him. He looked like he wanted to say something else and she eyed him curiously but he seemed to decide against it, taking her hand and unlocking the door.

"I hate that I actually convinced you that it was just about the sex for me, there was always this moment, right before we fell asleep, that I would pull you closer and you would make this happy little sound and settle against me, and for a while, nothing else mattered, not shitty interviews or bad reviews or how fucking exhausting that tour was."

"I had had that thought before," she mumbles, chewing on her bottom lip and he frowns at her.

"What thought?"

"I had wondered if you were only with me because I was there, proximity, familiarity, whatever, it's why I believed you, I had thought about it, you just confirmed it," she explains, watching his face turn to something close to devastation before sighing and adding, "and for me, it was the mornings when you were still half asleep pulling me back when I tried to move, and for a few seconds I could let myself pretend you loved me."

"I did," he starts but stops, shaking his head as he does, like that wasn't what he wants to say, and taking a deep breath, "I do love you, Lena," he finally says, firmly, gaze locked on hers, but she must've look unconvinced, because he adds, "me being an idiot doesn't change how I feel. I was scared because it was you and you were my best friend and things were so easy but they were also so fragile and I didn't want to be the one that got left, so I just gave up."

"Why are you telling me this?" Lena asks, and he gives her a sad smile, running his knuckles along her jaw.

"Because you won't remember it in the morning."

"And if I do?"

"It will still be true, and you will have listened to it without slamming a door in my face."

"I only tried to slam a door in your face once," she complains and he chuckles, but his face is serious again after a few seconds.

"Do you believe me?"

"I don't know, this is hard, you know? With everything that happened, I… I don't know what to think, and you stopped saying it," she tries to explain but that just makes Calum frown.

"Saying what?"

"That you loved me. When we started sleeping together, you stopped saying it."

"Because—"

"Because it would mean more than it did before it all happened, I know," she interrupts, dropping her hand to his knee when he continues to frown, "it's why I stopped saying it too. You do understand how this is for me, right? You loved me, but not enough to fight for me, I didn't hear that for years and then you dropped that on me after I left you on a literal storm and I don't know if this is about me—"

"Or me just wanting you to be there, I get it, if you start thinking about it, you circle back to what I said," he nods, pressing his lips together and she sighs.

"Yeah."

"That's what freaked you out that day."

It's not a question, but she nods anything, and that just makes him look sad.

"You want me to go find Andy for you?" He offers, and it takes her by surprise.

"No."

"You want me to leave?"

"No."

"What do you want?"

"I'm too drunk to trust my own judgment," she says, leaning into him, reaching for his arm on the seat behind her and placing it around her shoulders, making him chuckle and pull her closer to him. She adjusts against him, placing her legs across his lap, hiding her face on his neck, and letting out a sigh as she breathes him in and he rests his other arm on her knees.

"Cal?" She mumbles as she closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his skin under her cheek, and he hums in acknowledgment, wrapping his arms around her, "don't give up on me just yet," she says, her lips grazing his neck, and his arms tighten around her.

"Not planning on it, love."

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