#also talking about how i write some of these is kinda fun??
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Man where to start.
The locked tomb series by Tamsyn Muir occupies a very special place in my heart and it certainly changed me, I'm much more comfortable being my beautiful butch self now than to Gideon Nav and Pyrrha Dve, and they generally rewired my brain a bunch both in a 'I am not the same' way and a it has made me better at reading and analysis way.
Changed my life but I don't know if I would consider it a classic, maybe once it's finished.
The Song of the Lioness series by Tamora Pierce was hugely influential to me and I would not be as obsessed with knights nearly as much as I am without having grown up reading about the lady knight, Sir Alanna of Trebond.
Significantly changed my life and is unquestionably a classic.
Technically it was written by a man and a woman together but This is How You Lose the Time War fully rewired my nervous system, tore my heart out, crushed it into a fine pink mist and then inhaled it. Some of the most beautiful prose I've ever read telling a heartachingly bittersweet love story. I recommend it to literally everyone I meet.
Changed my life and it should absolutely be a classic.
A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers has a phenomenal vibe and Sidra's experience with her body is such a viscerally familiar one as a trans person that I struggled to put into words. It's also just a vibrant world and a really positive and sweet story without veering so far into Saccharine territory.
Didn't necessarily change me but should definitely be a classic.
And finally, the complete works of Lois McMaster Bujold.
God how do I even start to talk about Bujold. She's so incredibly talented and her worlds and characters manage to step off the page to feel so real and alive in a way I have rarely experienced, most stories I am always vaguely aware that the characters are fictional tools of the author to move the story forward but Bujold is able to make me forget about that and just believe that they are living and breathing people living in complex and chaotic worlds much like real life. Her grip of pacing always sucks me in and pulls me along at just the right speed. She has become easily one of my favorite authors over the last few years.
Her book Paladin of Souls, which is an incredible name, takes place in her fantasy setting The World of the Five Gods which has a really fascinating world I just wanna dig into and explore, and the book itself is an amazing story about aging, life, and how you can and must take control of your own life or others will do it for you. It's genuinely such an excellent book and I highly recommend both it and Curse of Challion which takes place three years before Paladin of Souls.
That said the piece of Bujold's work that has had the greatest impact on me as a person is absolutely The Vorkosigan Saga. Its a Speculative Sci-fi setting where most of the books follow Miles Vorkosigan, a a member of the nobility on Barrayar. Miles is this manic little git who would be absolutely insufferable as a protagonist in the hands of any other writer yet managed to be incredibly charming and likable thanks to Bujolds mastery of the craft. Miles is physically disabled, having suffered birth defects that left him incredibly short, with brittle bones. However he's incredibly smart and insightful and is very very good at maintaining forward momentum where he just kinda keeps running as the narrative of each adventure builds up like a snowball rolling down hill with miles sprinting as fast as he can to keep up and avoid being crushed. He's such a fun and interesting character to watch grow up across the books(we see him go from a 17 year old wannabe military man desperate to make his father proud with a chip on his shoulder so big it could sink the titanic to a well rounded matured father himself over the series).
While the whole Vorkosigan Saga is excellent and has some amazing Spec-Fic concepts build explores(I could write a 100k word essay on the Uterine Replicators and the way they serve as a metaphor for bodily autonomy) the moment that has impacted me most from her work is one of the later books, Memory.
When I say that Memory completely changed my outlook on and approach to life I mean it. There's a passage from it that is forever burned into my mind because of how succinctly it distills a fundamental truth, delivered to Miles the protagonist when he is feeling utterly lost and adrift due to his life collapsing spectacularly:
“You go on. You just go on. There’s nothing more to it, and there’s no trick to make it easier. You just go on.”
“What do you find on the other side? When you go on?”
She shrugged. “Your life again. What else?”
“Is that a promise?”
She picked up a pebble, fingered it, and tossed it into the water. The moon-lines bloomed and danced. “It’s an inevitability. No trick. No choice. You just go on.”
The idea of "You just go on" has changed my outlook on life, much like Waymond in Everything Everywhere All At Once choosing joy and kindness, and I am a far better person for that change.
Also Cryoburn, what is likely the second to last book in the Vorkosigan Saga since bujold has said she doesn't feel like returning to the world, made me fully dissociate for a day and then finally call my dad to tell him I loved him through sobs. It's an average Miles Vorkosigan adventure through 99% of the book, but with the weight of the whole series behind it the ending very neatly hollows you out and leaves you an empty husk with just the last three words and a 500 word epilogue.
Anyway. All that to say, you should read some of Bujolds work. Changed me Profoundly and I believe it is a travesty and tragedy that she is not held in the same regard as authors like Pratchett and Le Guin
What's a book written by a woman that changed your life or that you consider a classic? Any genre, any language.
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with every thing i learn about what the directors of totk said in interviews it all just gets worse huh?
the thing about the shiekah tech just vanishing and nobody caring enough to look into it was already rough and now i learn they said that -after botw zelda wondered if hyrule as a kingdom was still needed but then totk happens- just sounds like she wondered if hyrule as a kingdom still needed to exist in the way it had been (which would be an interesting change for once and also make sense for her character) and then they took her back into the distant past with the super good guy king of a godly race to teach her the lesson what her place is and that yes, their monarchy needed and good and really given to her by "gods" and what if big evil black man shows up again
i dont have the energy to get into it further but needed to say soemthing about it bc it keeps bothering me :(
#ganondoodles talks#ganondoodles rants#kinda#anyway#zelda#totk#big yt theory guy posted a video about how he doesnt like totk and was very defensive about it knowing hes swinging a bat at hornets nest#and i was surprised by that and commented on it that he isnt as alone in feeling like that as he might think#and bc its youtube theres gotta be some weirdos#so someone really saw my comment in probably 300+ comments by now#and felt the need to say that they didnt get anything from what i said other than me writing -zonai- as sonau#which i considered replying to with -other languages exist-#but its really not worth to get into a discussion with some rando on youtube#i then discovered you cant block people on youtube anymore just mute them either#also their account name had -israel- as the first word in it so#something tells me they wouldnt be very fun to argue with
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Eyes on me – an interactive whump story. Part 5.
Previous part. Masterpost.
Content: institutionalized slavery, imprisonment, dehumanizing language, it/its for an inhuman whumpee, pet whump, whipping, blood, physical abuse, withholding of food, training, torture, intimate whumper, carewhumper, mentioned pet death, tell me if i missed something
Lord Teelo didn’t strike.
He lowered his arm, eyes never straying from holding the creature’s terrified gaze. The room reeked of blood, now streaming down the lord’s fingers in a warm waterfall. He worked hard on pushing his fury back, taking it under control as many times before. He was in control. He would show it, careful and persistent and levelheaded. He would make sure it remembered the lesson forever. The crop was not meant for punishments, it was too short, too soft – he hadn’t meant to punish it. He was going to be a kind and gracious owner. It had left him no choice!
He opened the door, finding the redheaded guard still in the corridor.
“Get a proper whip,” he ordered. “More chains – gods damned handcuffs, whichever idiot thought of leaving it like this?! And a knife, scissors – or whatever, something to file its atrocious claws.”
The guard stared at him, not in the face – at his arm. Lord Teelo felt it – the consistent drip-drip-drip of his blood. He didn’t feel the ache yet. Nothing but the quiet, cold fury he couldn’t wait to unleash at the world. Haltingly, the guard started, “Should I bring someone to take a look at–”
“I have told you what you should do,” his voice came out as a hiss.
“Yes, my lord,” the guard saluted and hesitated only a moment before running down the corridor.
Lord Teelo closed the door with a loud crash. He paced inside, steps echoing around the room, as the pain slowly started to radiate out. He hated it. Oh how he wished he could slice the thing’s skin just this moment, not waiting for anything and anyone. He picked up the crop once more, stoped before the creature – it cowered to the very corner between the wall and its cage, never letting its eyes away from him. Oh, now it was looking. It dared to look!
“You think yourself smart?” the lord hissed. “Think you did something good for yourself? Oh, no, you’re gonna regret this. You’re gonna regret this so much.”
The pain seeped into his consciousness with every heartbeat, radiant and nauseatingly familiar. He held a handkerchief to the cuts until it filled with deep red. He threw it away – it landed in a wet disgusting lump on the table, by the bowl of wet disgusting meat. Oh how the lord had tried to be a nice host, how he had tried to accommodate this, this–
“Damned, ungrateful, hateful beast!” Lord Teelo roared. The glass of the bowl nearly slipped from his bloodied fingers when he grabbed it, and then shattered to thousands pieces to the side of the creature’s head. Its dinner fell onto the floor, useless. Oh, it wouldn’t get any, it would have to work, to beg for any crumb from then on – it would regret, regret it so much!..
The door slid open soundlessly after a short knock, letting in the heavy footsteps and the clanging of metal. The lord turned on his heels, facing the guard. “And why in the world have you not brought a damned healer!” he hissed. “Can’t you see I’m bleeding out!”
The guard blinked. “But you have–”
“YOU DARE ARGUE WITH ME?!”
He was struggling to breathe, chest heaving with effort. The blood was still warm down his arm, still bright on the broken glass and light wood of his floors. How could the idiot not understand!
There were chains in the guard’s arms and a leathery length of the whip. Lord Teelo snatched it and demanded, “Chain it up!” The guard hesitated, opened his mouth. “NOW!”
He did. The lord watched as he came to the beast, careful with his steps, cautious of it. It squeezed itself deeper into the corner. Lord Teelo could see it shaking. He was delighted to see it shaking. The guard reached out, the first cuff prepared, and Lord Teelo watched from a step away as it lifted its hands up, close to its chest. Its teeth were bared, pupils wide and eyes wider. It tried saying something, but what came out was only a mess of sounds with no meaning.
The guard squeezed its arm even as it tried to avoid it. It whined and fought back, tried getting out of the grasp, tried pushing him away, tried and fought and struggled as he cursed under his nose. Its claws went through the skin of his palm ripping out a sharp hiss. It managed to raise its hind leg as the cuff clicked around its wrist, its claws scratching against the metal in an effort that only delayed the inevitable.
Lord Teelo had little patience left. He stepped forward, connecting his heel with the middle of the creature’s tail. It yelped, flinched backwards – its head connected with the wall, and before it could regroup the second handcuff was in place. After that, restraining its legs was only a matter of time.
“Turn it around,” the lord ordered. Chains clang as it fought in an ever increasing panic. “To the wall, yes… yes, just like that.” The locks rattled, forced closed. The guard let the key fall onto the ground, forcing the creature to kneel. It hid its tail between its legs, whining as its head was pressed into the wall. “Is the chain short enough? Will it be able to move?”
“I don’t think so, my lord,” the guard answered.
Lord Teelo played with the whip, trying it out. “Good. Go fetch the healer– wait. I need – something sharp, something – to secure on its tail. See how it hides it? I need something it can’t hide from.”
The guard looked puzzled. He eased his hold in a test, and the creature threw its whole weight backwards, fighting the chains. They held. Kneeling, with its tail hidden and only back visible, it looked strikingly like a human. “Perhaps clothespins, my lord?” It wasn’t what he had in mind. What he wanted – it wasn’t that. Not this easy, tame solution.
“It would work,” he drew out. He would go to the smith when he had time. He had an idea, oh, that would be a genius idea. “Just this once."
He flexed his left arm and rubbed his right. It hurt as all deaths, but it had stopped bleeding. He failed to crack the whip the first time but managed it the second, inches from the creature’s back. The guard bowed, taking it as a sign to leave.
The creature mumbled and mumbled more, sounds a meaningless mush falling from its tongue. If Lord Teelo was generous, he could see it as an apology; he would not even entertain the possibility of giving in to it, of course.
The second crack was right by its ear. It flinched and curled up further but couldn't hide.
It wailed when the whip connected with its back – so loud, so quickly, taken by surprise. Lord Teelo bared his teeth in a smile and struck again, violent purple already flowering on the gray of its skin, and struck again without waiting – three, four, six, twelve hits in a row, as it flinched and writhed and cried out.
He paused afterwards, and saw as it tensed, first, its whole body shaking with the effort of breathing, hiccupping in what sounded almost like sobs. He waited, watching how it trembled more and more. He let it marinate in the anticipation, the fear coiling and coiling with no release, the stinging of its sore back growing as its patience ran thin.
When it raised its head, just barely, as if to look, the whip snapped through the air again.
It screamed out. He didn’t give it time to recover.
The lord hit it with no pattern, pausing and continuing at his leisure, until his arm grew heavy with pain and the creature nearly silent. Lord Teelo could only hear its labored breathing, air forced out of its body with every strike. Its back bloomed with purple that gave way to red when the skin opened, the new lines covering the rainbow pattern in an unstructured, repulsive mess.
Oh, he nearly pitied it, trembling pathetically in the corner. Then he rubbed his arm and the sharp pain was enough to remember why he didn’t.
He struck for the last time, lazily, with his left, and then a few more for a good measure. When a polite knock announced the guard’s return, he felt pleasantly tired, like after a good work out. He called out for the man to enter.
The guard did and the healer, an old woman the lord knew for most of his life, followed in. She looked the room over with stony, unreadable expression, and Lord Teelo met her gaze with a nice enough smile. “You’ve got your toy,” she stated and that was all the attention the creature got from her.
She made a quick enough work of the wounds: cleaned and bandaged them up after applying that miraculous numbing cream the lord appreciated since early childhood. The creature would appreciate it even more, he thought, glancing at the pathetic thing. It had shifted at some point, stretching its legs just a bit but keeping its head hidden. Its body shook violently, trembling so much it in itself looked tiring.
“Should I look it over?” the healer suggested, all business.
The lord huffed, “What would the point of a punishment be then?”
The woman looked him over with that annoying, unreadable gaze. “Call me whenever you change your mind,” she bowed and left when he dismissed her.
Lord Teelo tried the clothespins with interest, forcing the spring to coil and then letting it go softly around his finger, just a tad, until it started hurting. “Good enough,” he concluded finally and got up.
The creature flinched when his boots stopped by its form but didn’t try anything. “Poor thing,” he drew out and crouched, ran his fingers along its back lightly, brushing fingertips over the painful ridges of future bruises. Its breaths hitched, but it didn’t make a sound. “And all you needed was to not act like a brainless brat to avoid all this. You have no one but yourself to blame, silly thing,” he told it. It didn’t answer, shivering under his touch but not attempting anything stupid.
“But maybe you can learn,” he hummed and moved his hand down to where its tail started. It tensed even further, if it was possible at all. “Let’s just make sure the lesson sticks, huh?” It curled up even further as he tagged on its tail, releasing from under the creature’s body. He flickered it back and forth and rubbed between his fingers and was satisfied when it sobbed and shuddered but remained motionless otherwise.
“Like this, yes,” he muttered. With the softest touch of his second hand, he stoked its head. “But look at me now. Eyes on me,” It didn’t understand. He caught a fistful of its fur and tagged. “Eyes on me.”
Too drained to resist, it lifted its head as he guided it. “Eyes on me,” he demanded again, and it either guessed or truly learned – its gaze settled on him, focusing to the best of its ability – and, oh, what a pathetic mess it looked, eyes bloodshot and wet in ways he’d thought only a human's could be, dark lines from where it pressed into the floorboards marking its cheeks. There was something red around its mouth – did it bite itself, the poor thing?
Lord Teelo clicked his tongue, smiled softly and released its fur. It settled back instantly, curling up again. Its tail remained in his hands.
He picked up the first pin.
It must have assumed at first that he was just playing like he had been, – at least, it didn’t seem to tense up too much, nor expect the sharp pain when he released the spring around its tail. It shuddered, head whipping up, staring at him once again. He smiled. Picked up the second clothespin.
It tried to get its tail free – oh, it tried as much as it could without hurting him, but he tightened the grasp and played with the pins as it couldn’t help a new whimper, and hushed it and urged it to sit still. “That’s for you to remember the lesson better,” he told it pleasantly. It must have cried, body shaking again, and tried to kick just once, the movement stopped halfway through by a short chain.
Lord Teelo wondered how many pins would be good for it – should he go with the whole set the guard had brought? He settled on five, at the end, a nice even number not even halfway through what he had. He was feeling rather merciful and forgiving, and it sounded just so pathetic.
He called the guard in to urge it into the cage when it was done. It didn’t even try fighting, following the man's tagging and pushing until it was inside, drawing its limbs close and curling up to fully fit. Nearly immediately, its fingers itched towards the pins, human-like thumbs ready to work on the problem. Lord Teelo snapped his fingers to get its attention.
“No,” he said, words dripping with finality. He reached through the bars and tagged its tail outside. “The clothespins stay here for the night,” he told it. It probably didn’t understand – there was so little thought in its eyes. He let go of it hoped for its sake it understood what he meant. He didn’t want to have to punish it so soon for their lack of common language.
When he went to sleep, the shaky breaths and the rare clanging when it tried to settle more comfortable sounded like a lullaby to his ears.
In the morning, his arm stung mercilessly and unendingly, and no melodies of birds and gentle sunrays could make his mood better. He turned lazily, letting his eyes fall onto the cage. The creature was curled inside of it, eyes shut tight and ears flickering restlessly. Its tail fluttered too, freed at some point from the pins, one of its hands curling around it protectively.
Lord Teelo felt stuck between endearment and irritation. He moved and the cuts on his arm ached, and irritation won.
“Hey… you,” he called and realized he hadn’t come up with a name. He should think about it as some point, he decided grimly, and banished the thought of the last pet he’d named, back in childhood. That was a just a cat, a stupid spoilt creature with too much attitude. The lord remembered the way it looked, painted red and unmoving, after crossing one too many lines.
The creature didn’t move at his call, either. He picked up an extinguished candle from his bedside table and threw it towards the cage. “Hey!”
There was no reaction. With an undignified groan, he forced himself on his feet and towards the cage. He rattled the key across the bars, the way that always seemed to get the creature’s attention.
It didn’t react. It was outright ignoring him!
Had it learned nothing?!
He reached through the bars and tagged on its tail, finally getting some response in return – it flinched weakly and grimaced. Slowly, its eyes fluttered open, but didn’t settle on the lord. They looked as if through him, unfocused and dizzy, and a pang of worry cut through the just rage when they closed back and its chest heaved, struggling for breath.
Something was wrong.
He reached through the bars and towards its forehead, forgetting for a second it wasn’t a human. The skin under his fingers was blasting hot and sickly wet. It moved closer to his fingers, all but nuzzling against him.
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
Updates every 7-10 days (depending on how much time I have and how obvious the poll result is) (unless something goes wrong and it takes me too weeks to get myself to write something. I'm so very sorry about the delay!)
@isikedmyself878, @fraugustends, @otterfrost, @fuchstastisch, @3-2-whump,
@the-lone-youth, @will-o-the-wips, @catnykit, @granny-aaravos, @mj-or-say10
Tell me to be tagged in the new parts!
#okay that was rather long. I hope it's fun and worth the read!#“he was planning to be kind” yeah no keep telling yourself that#hes kinda pathetic in a way i find really entertaining to write#hes just having a full on tantrum over getting his arm scratched. the creature's paying for this tho!#I would like to talk to you about consequences btw! the creature is resistant but not immortal. it takes a lot to kill it but you just migh#i think its more fun if you know that you can push it far enough for it to outright die. so ill have options leading to this possibility :>#see how much misery it can take before its body gives out :>#...but also: please dont kill it im having fun#we need a name for it btw. please tell me what you think it should be called. well get to a naming poll eventually but ill need ideas first#also sorry for the delay! the writing wasnt writing. i would swear its an exception but no. its normal for me. it will happen again. sorry!#btw if some of you thinks (and finds the idea interesting) that the lords tantrum kinda sounds out of proportion and like the reason for it#goes deeper than a few scratches. yeah. yeah it does. i may have given him some trauma. and i might explore it#if you think its a fun thing to explore. tell me if you do!#whump#whump writing#writing#interactive whump#interactive writing#choose your own adventure#pet whump#slavery whump#nonhuman whumpee#intimate whumper#carewhumper
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Congratulations on nothing. I'm back to drawing LoV again after a bit of a break
those are mostly just a redraw practice for fun Toga is a try in "more canon way of drawing" with color practice too
I'm sorry that it's in russian because I have to have some will to localize jokes that came into my head while drawing it
it's like... a robot au??? or something, mostly just a joke "what if AFo just built Tenko and changed what he wanted"
and this is a joke about our 'favorite' 419 plot twist so it's basically just a bunch of joked about AFO failing to get any way to get control instead Tenko's head is not empty. It downloaded games, friends and stuff about being a hero but NOT as a literal hero, more on "villains need help I'm a hero then" way
and yes that text behind is "hands" written all over the place bc I wanted to add hands in handwritten form
#fanart#sketch#bnha#my art#toya todoroki#dabi#toga himiko#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#league of villains#mha fanart#kinda robot au#I love drawing Tenko in this “I have no thoughts” eyes I always wonder what was his life back in that period#I have a lot of questions#but sadly it's not plot relevant so no info for us#:( sigh#alrightI'll do it myself >:( as many others did#but I like to think of that period with gloves or the mix of time without them but before he got a new name#I just want to understand how to write him#I know how but the little one#he's not like a normal kid and not a just trauma kid too#I hate how I'm slowly getting obsessed again and it already made me cry like 5 times bc I'm like THEY'RE DEADDDD *cries*#and 5 mins later oh! FUN THEY'RE ALIVE AND WELL bc I just turned on MVA#MVA anime is my guilty plesure I feel like home in a way that a place that is not home is home but home not comfy but familiar#plus it doesn't feel like an anime after so many rewatches it's like oh those guys are trying again I love that#still thinking of some of the topics I want to write about#but not rn I'm going to bed good night#also I thought of Toga's talk with Ochako she's still right#I tried to bottle up my emotions and feelings about LoV and today I had like an obsession with them without a break#because I missed liking them so much
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Everything that is about powder gangers makes me so uncomfortable in a bad way.
#i dont like how they are written#game is great i am having fun as you can clearly see in my blog but also sometimes it's really not good and it stinks#like sometimes writing is so good which makes horrible writing feel even more horrible#or like makes things i would let go because its a game things that are more serious and annoying#like some guys being designated bad is okay its a video game i can close one eye but also trying to have social commentary with same guys...#like prison system sucks followed by all prisoners are deserving to die here some good karma feels not good#anyways anyways some negativity ignore me i needed to talk because its bothering me#geym#i think its kinda also problem with games nature like you're the messiah one great man of history choosing n influencing everything in world#so sometimes some points some themes become wrong and got meaningless#anyways whatever i have some things bothering me with fallout in general but i am not smart#i need some other very smart fallout fans to write a good essay for me about flaws of games without being classic fanboy criticism#or like i need more than some very surface level leftist meta#like saying Fallout was always woke because it says capitalism bad + slavery wrong is the bare minimum to me#but its like majority of leftist analysis and leftist praise to game you can find like#kinda like xmen fandom tbh#okay i am done for reals now
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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goddamnit I went down a rabbithole again and now I wanna do a fic rewrite of the original fairly oddparents
#Yknow. Because I don't have enough giant wips that rotate in brain constantly#Also in that rewrite I kinda like. Poke. At the actual implications of timmys parents being. Like that#Also timmys gonna be trans but we'll take. A While. To get there. But eventually she's gonna be out there with trixie talking fashion#(and. Yelling at chester and aj until they really the only difference is in her pronouns and that she can wear skirts now)#((disclaimer: guys can wear skirts too. Timmy is simply 11 and has an oversimplified view of gender. She'll get it eventually))#Also I'm keeping poofs original name I'm still pissed that they changed it to fucking PERI#Like even if I did change it. It'd be like. Pop. Bc there's so much behind the funnies of why his name was originally poof#Like with antipoof and everything too?? There's so much for me to explore if I call him pop bc now foop cant reverse poof#Bc foop went by that bc he wanted an identity of his own beyond being antipoof. And he couldn't get it now bc pop in reverse is still pop#(also. Some fun about how “pop” is a word and cosmo would be so happy that his kid instinctively knows who birthed him. Bc I'm keeping that#((wanda. Learns not to be offended by pop only knowing to say his own name. Also learns not to give him any fizzy drinks istg cosmo))#Anyways. I need to Not Write This
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fuck it, unedited snippet from an early early post-ph scene i decided to write one night
#uhhh. how do i tag this#post-ph#yeahhhhh#this is meant to be a bit after bellum runs into link and linebeck (mostly linebeck) and theyre just. talkin#like a day after running jnto each other so theyre just figuring things out with the shared theme of how tf are ypu alive#i like linebecks response it feels very. 19 years old idk. hes not like. entirely chill during this hes tired and wary#hes just got a lil more humor in thsi bit. writing this to try out how i might want to do bellum’s dialogue#and get his perspective on linebeck’s survival and just have a literal dialogue about that topic specifically#and also figure out some other ideas like linebeck waiting to actually tell link whi bellum is and whatnot#i think i like the idea of bellum having a slighrly childish side with the ‘youre the weird one’ line#some kinda balance between him using more complex phrases and ideas in his speech while also talking casually and roughly#and having little indignant childish moments usually in response to something or to demean someone#tbfh mostly posting this bc i wanted to work on it. cuz ive been reading scps and in my enjoyment of it as a cool fiction collection site#forgot that its like. horror. and fucked up some times. and its been a while since i delved into this kinda stuff and forgot my own limits#yknow how it is. prolly gonna play fire emblem or maybe smash bros havent touched that in a while#specifically smash 4 3ds havent played it in a while most been playing ultimate. i have 6 smash mains or w/e. characters i like#sheik ganondorf lucario greninja cloud corrin. used to do lucina but shes a bit too standard swordfighter to be fun for me so now corrin#anyways this is a decent snippet ig. its a lil funny and kinda gives an idea of the convo without giving too much away#not aure if i want rhem to more or less figure out why linebeck survived in this first interaction. tbh its not too hard i think#since bellum does some deductive reasoning comparing jt to past experiences and is like ah. maybe ill save it#maybe he gets conveniently cut off while theyre figuring it out. tbh it works wirh wanting to have link join in somewhat
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just saw the 'if ur oc was canon what discourse would there be' post and suddenly i remember that actually i dont want Celia & co to be seen by a large audience.
#Cecio would be woobified#Cecio would be the best & worst bc he would be treated like a baby that did no wrong#and anyone who went “no hes a bad person thats the point” would be hated#'bad representation' slapped on every single charecter#Celia... yea no im glad this is just some ocs in my head#Celia would be framed as a bitch and the true villan but for none of the right reasons#or a girlboss but i doubt it- shes to genderfuckery for that#she would be the woman when ppl talk about hating a female[*] charecter for what you love in a male one#Rametto...#would be made into a femboy. bc nonbinary amabs dont exist and ppl hate trans-femininity#ignoring that they would be happy as a girl/woman if not for the extremely toxic masculinity environment they are in#NEED to write the Rametto travels somewhere fic where she decides to be seen as a girl instead of being openly genderfucky#and is very happy#but yea ppl would ignore how Rametto & Celia are both people who dont fit the gender binary and cannot yet be who they truly are because#of the world around them#also just so few people would engage with the fact that these people live in poverty and in a society structured around denying them the#opportunity to get out#anyway its kinda fun to think of but also ive seen to many fandoms to not know how it would go and i dont like it
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Has Aspen watched Wolfwalkers before? I think he would absolutely love that movie :)
YESSSS YES YES ASPEN FUCKING LOVESSSSSS THAT MOVIEEE
AND SO DO I!!!!!!! like i’ve never seen that movie before but i’ve wanted to watch it for a long time and this ask FINALLY made me watch it and oh my god HOLY SHIT IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES NOW. i literally JUST finished it and i don’t even know what to say besides this
i need everyone to watch this clip in particular because holy shit i cried during it /pos. like i can’t even describe how much i love this movie and how much it means to me just wow WOW it’s absolutely fucking amazing and i definitely recommend it to everyone. the animation is stunning i love the main characters and everything is just so EXPRESSIVE and the COLORS ANR AHHHH THE WOLVESSSS
Aspen loves it. it’s one of his favorite movies now too (maybe his favorite idk i’ll have to think of what other movies he likes) but guys i don’t even know what to sayyyy that movie is sooo good
thank you so much for sending this ask because wow i don’t know what it is with me and wolves now but wolves are COOL and i LOVE this movie i’m so happy i finally watched it!!! :D
#i was screaming at the tv during the super intense parts like wow WOW this movie was amazing#imagining Aspen running through the woods as a wolf being so so so happy#i’m so happy i got the idea to turn him into a werewolf later on in the story so he can finally truly live#like Aspen turning into a werewolf marks the end of Silas feeding on him i think. it’s a brand new beginning. he’s truly alive and free now#and i love that so much#i’m so happy#i’ve gotta write down everything i’ve been coming up with for silas and aspen because it’s a lot and some people might be outta the loop#but basically after a very long time of being Silas’s bloodbag Aspen befriends a werewolf and gets turned#Silas was pissed because werewolf blood is kinda gross and Aspen now smells like wet dog and he’s overall less appealing#and Aspen is over the moon when he gets turned because he’s a wolf therian (otherkin) and he basically just got everything he’s ever wanted#and by then he already got closure for some stuff in his past (relating to how he originally died and one of his friends and ghosts)#so like he’s Happy. he’s so fucking happy. he’s the happiest person you’ve ever met by then#and also that is past the point where Silas eventually warms up to him (because aspen is literally a delight to be around#even to people as cold and heartless as silas) he still kills aspen for fun though. aspen is used to it and honestly doesn’t mind anymore#their dynamic is just sooo fun.#and i love werewolf aspen so much and need to talk about him because he’s all i’ve been thinking about and drawing#like Aspen is a bloodthristy werewolf who doesn’t know anything about his powers and Silas begrudgingly helps him because he’s Involved now#lots more happens in the story after this. it’s gonna take forever to actually get there tho like im a slow writer and haven’t even finishe#the first chapter. but yeah i love werewolf aspen and the werewolf who turned him is very cool too. don’t know anything abt them yet but im#working on it. anyway i love wolfwalkers u all should watch it because it’s amazing#ask#aspen oc#silas oc#brc ask#blood runs cold
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not me being like "oof I just finished writing 24 stories in 3 weeks I'm not gonna be writing anything for at least 3 months lol" but already daydreaming about like 3 different fic ideas 😭
#one of them is olli/allu in finnish. with a shit-ton of pining and also lots of swearing for some reason lol#one is yet another olli/allu as fwb but suuuuuuuper deep in denial about their feelings for each other#and one is a fun little new year's fic inspired by joel's ''this is how i do my wet look'' video 😂#haven't really gotten far with that one but i just got this picture in my head of joel styling his hair getting all dolled up at home#for the new year's party he's going to (this might be a no-band AU but i haven't decided yet)#he's kinda anxious about it and only said yes to going in the first place because joonas had asked him#so instead of getting so sulk in his one-bedroom apartment he's psyching himself up to be normal because there'll be people there 💀#and so he ends up sulking in some corner drinking white wine by himself & not really talking to anyone#(maybe he doesn't know anyone apart from joonas)#meanwhile olli and aleksi are both planning on fiiiiiiiiinally admitting their feelings for each other#because they can't go another year pining for their friend#(they don't know the feeling's mutual and that the other is also planning to confess when the clock strikes twelve)#tommi and niko will be there too but as i said i haven't got that far yet 😂#probably not gonna write these but it's fun to just daydream 🥰
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 286
Adjective: Calm
Noun: Waves
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Calm: not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other strong emotions; (of a place) peaceful, especially in contrast to recent violent activity; (of the weather) pleasantly free from wind; (of the sea) not disturbed by large waves
Waves: a long body of water curling into an arched form and breaking on the shore; a ridge of water between two depressions in open water; a shape seen as comparable to a breaking wave; an effect resembling a moving wave produced by successive sections of the crowd in a stadium standing up, raising their arms, lowering them, and sitting down again; (literary) the sea; a sudden occurrence of or increase in a specified phenomenon, feeling, or emotion; a gesture or signal made by moving one's hand to and fro; a slightly curling lock of hair; a tendency to curl in a person's hair; (physics) a periodic disturbance of the particles of a substance which may be propagated without net movement of the particles, such as in the passage of undulating motion, heat, or sound; a single curve in the course of a wave; a variation of an electromagnetic field in the propagation of light or other radiation through a medium or vacuum
#so im VERY late once again#and i didnt necessarily accidentally fall asleep last night in as much as i had to go to sleep#my girlfriend and i hung out with some friends and played magic the gathering for about four hours#so that kinda took a lot out of us#but we had lots of fun!#as for the prompt i really love how peaceful and soft it feels#the imagery im getting is sitting on a cliff and looking out over the ocean and seeing that the 'waves' are 'calm'#which is a very beautiful and nice image that im very excited to write about#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least#*it was probably four hours total of us actively playing (we also ate and talked outside of playing)
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I’m off tomorrow for Juneteenth(which got dropped on me as I was leaving work on Friday, I had forgotten xD) and I’m debating whether to use the time for another Janine/Felix book 3 run or if I should start the Mallory/Nate AU ;3
#queen rambles#gotta do some lotro#i didn't get in the game yesterday bc i had a lot going on and i want more midsummer stuff for cele at least#also need to write#and i kinda wanna do some oc rambling about jhes and ody#bc i have Thoughts#so we shall see what all gets accomplished#or maybe i hurt myself and do the aj/adam au through book 3 again :D#but real talk i wanna see how it goes natemance with mason as your bff#that'll be some FUN conversations
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#had an okay writing day for my thesis yesterday and it was a rly nice day overall and then idk. rsd hit i guess and#i went to sleep way too late so ofc today i've been feeling foggy and i haven't written a word and it's 6pm like..............#makes me feel like i wasted the work i did yesterday and i should've gone to my grandpa's bday celebrations yday#even though that didn't feel viable. he sure made me feel like shit for missing it too!#it just feels like see i could've gone and done yday's work today or some shit which ?? but sure#i just know myself and im p unbearable to be around rn/when im stressed/on a deadline so yk. + travel time + adjusting plus socialising...#also had a long talk w/ my friends yday and it was nice and it was all about how you experience consciousness but also idk.#also i keep being so sharp and kinda mean to one of my friends and it's sooooooooo she says it's fine and it's not that bad but ughhhhhhh#im sure the core of this spiral is i just rly don't like myself and i think im right not to so like. what now#and none of this even matters like. get it toGETHER#also adhd meds aren't magically fixing my life so that's another scam (but ok they DO help at least i can actually write and think then)#anyways.#i think it's. feeling this & hating myself and my friend talking about how they're past that and life is still hard for them#and it's not about me but it does make me feel stupid like true all my problems are self-made not even circumstancial like.#also feel like i keep saying the wrong thing to people and i keep messing up my words lately and boooooooo idk#anyways im ok i just don't wanna moan abt this to anyone specifically but clearly im stuck so yk?#should i share more nice moments here too??? i just always feel like whatever emotion im feeling disappears when i share it so???#maybe bc i overthink it then or whatever#but i can!! maybe i should#for yday: had a rly rly fun convo with a friend who gave me the wildest updates ever + spent time with 2 of my best friends#+ smelled the flowers and that v v specific spring to summer air and felt the sun on my face#FINE maybe therapists have a point
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I randomly decided to dig out my old dream diary and I'm literally howling with laughter right now about some of the stuff I wrote down there😂😂 So much mildly cursed but in hindsight also extremely hilarious stuff😭😂
For context, I've been wanting to learn lucid dreaming for a long time (still can't do it unfortunately), and for a while during my teenage years I actually tried writing a dream diary to learn remembering my dreams more clearly (according to my notes I actually managed to even get a few semi-lucid dreams!). Most of these are from the first half of 2018, when I actually managed to write down my dreams consistently for a couple months, plus a few from 2019 and early 2020, in total about 20 dreams. I thought it might be funny to share some of the most hilarious, cursed or just really random moments from them:
I met with people that I either went to school with at the time or used to go to school with before, and we had to participate in various competitions or challenges, usually it was either something absurdly dangerous and cruel or something extremely embarrassing. That sort of stuff occurred in multiple dreams, like one time we were in the sports hall of my old primary school and had to kill each other with spears, another time me and some classmates were participating in a challenge of some random YouTuber and had to jump from a really high tower into a bath tub (which had no water in it but a trampoline).
We had to present our short film projects in English class (this is something we actually did in real life), and one group did a retelling of "The Lion King" where Timon died at the finale and that was just how the film ended. Also General Burkhalter from Hogan's Heroes was there as a film critic. He liked that ending even though most other people were just really confused about it.
I met Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich on a Christmas market and they were a gay couple and I took stupid selfies with them (what the fuck). In another dream Himmler was together with Joseph Goebbels instead, but before I woke up they told me it was actually just a prank and when I looked at the date it was suddenly April Fool's Day.
On my 15th birthday (in real life) I dreamed that it was summer and Christmas at the same time. (I live in the northern hemisphere so that doesn't happen here. Also my birthday is obviously not at Christmas.)
So. Many. Dreams. About. Thrawn. I swear about half of all the dreams I wrote down were just about me being in love with Thrawn and trying to get together with him, the nonsense level of the surrounding scenarios usually varying. There are too many to explain them all, but one of my favourite quote from one of the diary entries is probably "Thrawn and I had an ugly child", it's just so blunt and random😭 In another dream Thrawn randomly had a beard and I lowkey hated it, and in another he turned out to just be a human guy with make-up and I was super disappointed when I woke up.
A bunch of doctors and scientists were investigating our garden pond and randomly found the corpse of a blue-haired girl, but they weren't interested in her at all and just threw her onto our compost heap💀
I was Tony Stark's adoptive daughter (no idea why, I'm not even in the Marvel fandom) and when someone broke into our house to steal his inventions, I tried fighting the guy off and we had a duel with using a pot and a frying pan as weapons. He was arrested and we went eating tacos to celebrate.
Not gonna lie reading through all this madness actually makes me want to start writing a dream diary again😂 Like, even if I still don't learn lucid dreaming, at least I'll have something to laugh about again in a few years xD
#my top 3 recurring topics were apparently Thrawn; weird challenges with people from my school and gay nazis. truly amazing👍😂#I assume I watched a lot of both Star Wars and history documentaries at the time but still. my 14 year old self surely had an imagination#there were also some dreams involving my real life crush from school at the time but those aren't that interesting from today's perspective#but I also think that the Himmler x Heydrich dream originated from some mildly cursed comic that I found when I was like 13 or 14#I don't even know how but you know how the internet is🤷I'm not sure if this is something I could've come up with myself#(like the comic itself wasn't even that cursed; the story was basically a romcom with lots of back and forth and just random stuff#and the artstyle from what I remember was even kinda cute. but like also why is there what's basically a fanfiction of these people#at least it's good to know that they themselves wouldn't approve of it and the artist was probably just doing this to make fun of them)#(I still read the whole thing but more in a 'haha why the fuck does this exist' kinda way but also once I started I had to know the ending)#but I laughed so hard because I didn't remember AT ALL that this also caused me to have a dream about them at some point#like you would think that maybe something that cursed is in some way memorable. but I just - forgot about it#but no I really need to start writing down my dreams again😭#dream diary#selnia talks
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