#also sometimes i like the feeling of hunger…just me?

[neostellarjpg]

inner mono-dialogue

the more time i spend being davepeta with you the more i realize almost every single problem in my life was caused by my obsession with being this unfeeling cool dude

but youre cool already

like in the way that actually matters

youre chill and friendly and just nice and thats all there is to it

youre shamelessly yourself even if everybody around you is a jackass and gives you shit for it

youre similar to jade and john in that way

i really envied that about them

but its different actually being at the control panel and feeling where that earnesty comes from

it makes me wanna match your energy and keep that pawsitivity ball rolling even if it ends up being weird or cringe or whatever

fuck man do you know how exhausting it is building yourself social hoops to leap through all the time and when you trip up even once its suddenly the end of the world

what kinda dumbass does that its like dealing with life in hard mode for no reward

fuck that noise

i like your way better

Nepeta's heart burns and shines inside you.

:33 < thank you :))

:33 < but you know

:33 < i dont think doing things your way is unrewarding

:33 < its like

:33 < a shield!

Dave scrunches up with discomfort.

X33 < i dont mean that in an insulting way!

:33 < the fact is that shields are just purractical sometimes

:33 < it doesnt make you cowardly to hide behind one

:33 < in the same way that it isnt cowardly for a predator to hide in the bushes when stalking prey

:33 < its just a way to make sure you dont get hurt!

:33 < purrsonally i found shields too cumbersome

X33 < im a hunter after all!

:33 < and i guess maybe the same goes for my personality

:33 < its not really that im purrticularly brave for being myself

:33 < i just didnt have a say in the matter in the furst place!

:33 < honestly if i had a choice i would have loved to be more like you dave

:33 < you can befriend people almost effortlessly

:33 < and its beclaws youre also just a nice person

Dave recoils in surprise, but Nepeta passionately pushes forward.

:33 < fur real! i f33l it inside you! theres a really strong sense of empathy there

:33 < its just like mine! just smarter, and a bit more analytical

:33 < whenever we encounter someone mew, its like i f33l you lock onto them, and you gather so many insights into their purrsonality without even trying

:33 < and you can use that to bond with others without giving every part of you away

:33 < which unfortunately

:(( < i never really knew how to do

Nepeta sours with unpleasant feelings. Your brows scrunch together with both pain and sympathy.

Nepeta has a big and complex heart. She tried her best to keep it from spilling over, but it always did in the end. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing when your friends dismissed your hobbies or focused in on your strange quirks. It was embarrassing when they revealed they knew about your crush on Karkat that you'd worked so hard to hide. And it hurt whenever he would say mean things about you. He and anyone else.

But you always puffed out your chest and sucked it up. You stuck to your guns no matter what. Because it was fun! The things you liked, the people you liked, were fun, and they made you feel good. Why couldn't anyone else see that? And why did it seem like they never gave a single thought to who you were?

You curl in on yourself. Your chest hurts. You suddenly really miss Equius.

And you miss Rose. You miss Jade. You miss John and Karkat and Aradia and Tavros and Terezi and all the others. You miss all the people you can go outside and see whenever you wish, and you miss all the people that you have no hope of ever seeing again. You feel the choral echo of all the times you've ever felt this need for comfort, this thrumming pain searing hot inside you, like hunger wracking your stomach.

You clench your teeth. You remember being on your bed, curled in blankets, not having eaten a proper meal in days. You remember holding your stomach and sneaking to the kitchen, turning your shoulder at every step to look fearfully behind you, only for your fingers to falter hopelessly on the handle of the refrigerator, knowing there was nothing for you inside.

You shake with anger. You know that feeling. The feeling of being chased by something much bigger than you, a hulking silhouette of menacing strength following your scent through the thicket. You'd clutched a beast carcass to your chest, barely breathing as you stalked clumsily through the trees, performance wavering from exhaustion and hunger.

You'd almost died. You'd almost died often. And then after escaping death so many times, it one day claimed you. Casually. Unflinchingly. And the world beat on without you, leaving you stunned by your own insignificance. You'd looked out onto every preceding moment of your life, wondering if there was anything to truly be proud of in the face of your friends accomplishing all these fantastical things. You'd felt lonely before, but after that, you were truly walled off from every single person you knew.

And now, despite everything, you're alive again. Twofold, together with someone.

A warmth coats the ache inside your body. The two parts of you swirl together, feeling and tasting each other, trying to understand themselves.

It feels like a hug.

[andreabaideas]

@mzannthropy

Seeing your tags in the previous post ("I come across as a hater" one) was the final straw for something that has been eating me for months :

I've been seeing (and many other peoples tags here at Tumblr or Twitter and Instagram opinions, or TikTok) kinda justifying or explaining themselves for liking or disliking things...

And I am so fucking tired of seeing women, ALWAYS, having to defend their things, I wonder why Only women? Never or almost never men, I feel so envious of their self confidence tbh.

No one truly should have to explain themselves. You can like and dislike whatever you want...

Heretics rock!!!!!!!!

I enjoy reading different opinions...I mean I am a fandom war veteran at this point!!! I survived Supernatural drama, TVD drama, The Hunger Games love triangle war....Even the biggest one : Team Edward vs Team Jacob on Twilight fandom for fucks sake!!! XD.

And as a Twilight veteran fan (since 2007) believe me, i've learned to not give a DAMN crap about others opinions on my little beloved things that make me happy ("Twilight suck" , "Its just for Girls", "vampires dont sparkle"....🙄🖕Let me enjoy my shitty problematic beloved saga!!!! ) cause i'm happier like that XD.

On a personal note about you @mzannthropy and to show my example.

I like things similar to you that we share and we speak about, which make me very happy to talk-write about with you (or with other whom i share interests with) like : Sam Claflin, Florence Welch , The count of Montecristo, Agatha Christie, Cats...I even started reading LM Montgomery for curiosity , as i had just read Anne of the Green gables as a teen, i am re reading her now and i'm liking her!!!! I Will read everything I find of her ASAP.

But i also have different tastes to you: I dont hate me before you (I dont like It either Its so so to me like 6/10) , I like Peeta a lot while I dislike Gale with an intensity (Im always going to say that id rather have him dead than Finnick, i'll die on that hill, forever angry at Suzanne Collins) and I fucking love Riley Keough (I know you dislike / hate her).

And what? Does that make me unable to relate to you??

Noooopeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We just have different tastes and thats okay!! I like /reblog your posts that I like, the ones i dont...i ignore, and that's It. You probably do the same I guess?

I dont get why people make such a fuss! I myself received hate for liking daisily, like... Calm tf down girl , i'm just a (still) young woman reposting photos and gifs?! What harm can i possibly make you with my things??...But i blocked and I moved on. And I bitch about hatefull people like that Sometimes.

Related to the previous Sam post :

I must admit i dont dislike any of Sam's co-stars, I like most or feel neutral tbh. I even made a post with Sam + Chemistry, with my personal list of faves, those Who I didn't post about were neutral to me, fine but not super Special, and I know how you feel about that C word XD...

Believe me I find It cheap myself...but I don't know how explain that to people without that word , in english that's it...In spanish (and french too) there are way better more complex words for romantic / frienship /sexual or mixed complex conections?? English sometimes Its poor compared. We mediterraneans are messier we need those words to figure ourselves out XD.

Conclusion to this long post :

Everyone has right to their opinions and speak for themselves, Thats freedom of speech, if everyone thought the same It would be super boring tbh.

And @mzannthropy You are not a hater you are yourself. Period. Keep posting the way you do, cause Its very you , and It makes It very cool :)

Looooong pooost aaagaaaiin.

Sam Claflin and Holliday Grainger in ‘Any Human Heart’ (2010)  

[brains4ne]

My stomach hurts and my ear hurts…is this because i haven’t eaten today and I’ve had noise canceling headphones on since last night due to loud rain...maybe…

[jingerpi]

to be clear to my Marxist followers, while I stand by the quotes in my pinned, do not worry I am not out here judging people for if they have enough "love". correct understanding of the world comes first always, they're mostly there to calm the scared liberals and also express that despite not being concerned with bourgeois morality, Marxism is still an ideology that can be filled with love and wonderful things.

Marxism has a bit of a reputation for being the brutal man ideology (anti communism woo) and I want to fight against that a bit, because I do genuinely think it is deeply compatible with compassion and care, as one of it's central truths is the unity of our class in a collective struggle... its just not that compassion and care is what makes Marxism correct, and it's not bad (perhaps even good) if you're a Marxist because it makes scientific sense and you're not all lovecoded hippie posting, that's totally fine (Marxism primarily informs my love, not vice versa)

I'm a bit of a weird one with how I see emotions as informed by social positions and as such I see love as deeply related to solidarity and class struggle, but I do also understand emotions are fickle and may not correctly line up with class interests for everyone for example. I do actually think emotions can be correct or incorrect in a way, like pretty much anything else, it's just quite a bit more complex to understand them than other things, they function as guidelines and it's important to work to have those guidelines be actually helpful and correct, but that's a whole different conversation with a lot of difficulties and nuances, so I'll leave it here for now.

[travelbasscase]

me when my disability disables me:

[toxintouch]

so I found your post about what if the cult that raised Unnamed MC was one of Vere's old cults and I just had a few thoughts. a Deicide Vere flavored thoughts.

(also I apologize in advance because this was a lot longer than I planned on it being lmao)

what if MC was meant to eventually be sacrificed? like, in an attempt to bring Vere back or something along those lines. and the MC knew they were going to be sacrificed; it probably played a decent factor in why they ran.

so how would MC react to finding out that Vere was the very deity that they grew up worshipping, had grown up knowing that they would eventually be sacrificed to him in a vain attempt to bring him back?

maybe the Devout Follower part of them hadn't been snuffed out by the time they met Vere. maybe all the old habits they tried to leave behind started to come back after being face-to-face with their god. maybe, in a scenario where something, or someone, would have to be sacrificed in order to remove the collar, they would decide to be almost exactly what the cult raised them to be: a sacrifice, but to free him instead of bringing him back?

or, alternatively, the Devout Follower part of them had been completely snuffed out by the time they met Vere. how would they react to finding out that, after all that running, they somehow managed to end up within arms reach of the very thing they had been running from? what if they choose to run again because of it, just up and leaving Eridia, leaving Vere still chained to the Senobium?

and of course: how would Vere react? MC being an ex-follower of his is one thing, but them being an ex-follower and an eventual sacrifice? someone who once fervently worshipped him and was, at least at some point in their life, fully willing to lay down their life for him with no guarantee it would even lead to anything?

(or how would he react to the "MC just fucking leaves" scenario specifically? sure, Normal/Canon Vere would be going through it, especially if him and MC were close, but Deicide Vere? yeah I think that would be his breaking point)

I don't mind the length at all!! I'm the last person who would ever complain, many ppl will attest to my long DMs, etc. In fact, thank you for taking the time to write out your ask and tysm taking an interest in my beloved Deicide Flavored Vere! ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Sorry it took all day to respond, I wanted to be able to set aside proper time to read your message and consider! :3 You're picking up what I was thinking abt for sure with your sacrifice train of thought! Though I'll admit I was thinking more of MC being a less literal sacrifice - chosen as the conduit or the one who is supposed to find Vere and bring him back to his people now that he has disappeared.

Oh, but the literal sacrifice angle is juicy. And less convoluted/more clear than how I was trying to make the pieces fit, when I made that post? I let myself get stuck on the thought that I wanted MC to feel...fashioned for Vere, but I was thinking, perhaps, too logically & not cult-y enough, lol.

✦ Perhaps MC thought - when they were a child? - that they would be alive to meet Vere when he came back, but once they became older they realized that: no, they were to be a sacrifice to bring him back. They had to be ready to die for him. And they are only acting as Oracle in stead of their deity until they become strong enough to divine his return, which they (via the cult's teachings) believe will require them to sacrifice themself to him, to die...

But once they realize that their curse is a curse and not a god-given ability that's been granted to them... What else isn't true?

✦ Or perhaps they realize that to be a sacrifice is to die for their god at the same time they realize the truth about their hands, like you suggested, and they knew that they had to flee for the sake of their life and for the sake of finding freedom. They finally saw the gilded cage they had been kept in.

I definitely want to further explore the branching thoughts & paths of Sacrifice!Unnamed grappling with their Devotion vs Apostasy, but I don't want to keep you waiting too long for an answer so I will just resolve to make relevant posts as I consider more/write more! Until then:

✦ I think, even if they want to say that they have left all of their devotion to their god behind...old habits die hard. Things slip through the cracks. No matter how tightly you think you've closed the door, a sliver of a shadow can still find its way into the room where you thought you were safe and alone.

✦ In this MC's mind, they have always been Vere's.

✦ And Vere... [incoming POV shift to match the original Deicide fic]

His own autonomy is important to him, yes, but he's a hypocrite at heart. He's a glutton. He craves power. And he craves you.

He didn't put the collar on his own neck.

But you did.

You belong to him; you were made for him.

You devoted yourself to him, chained yourself willingly and he's not about to allow you to take all the oaths and prayers and the sweet, secret whispers you've given to him back.

(Oh, but he’d have been a kind god to you. Eventually. In that other time, that fictional reality where life is fair. You can earn his kindness, but never his mercy. It isn't in him to be merciful.)

You can't take your devotion back. He has a taste for it now. The only way he's letting it die is if he devours it whole.

And how had he not recognized the taste of himself already on you? How had he failed to notice, so distracted by your enticing promise, that he'd already laid claim? He's been woven into your life from the very start. He didn't even have to go to your town to demand you. You came to him.

(He'll reward them, still, the dregs of his followers – a quick death when he kills them for leaving their hand prints all over what they knew was his, for the suffering they inflicted on you that was his to mete out – suffering that was his to bless you will, as punishment or otherwise.)

And the depth of your devotion? That presses into him, something tender and cutting, unfamiliar or at least long forgotten. He'll reward you once he's satisfied with your repentance. Once you've renewed your faith in all the ways he sees fit.

(How shall be react to your willingness to die for him? It's been so long since he's had something to lose...)

✦ Deicide!Vere is such a mess of feelings. I think he would have a lot of trouble deciding what to do about Sacrifice!MC being willing (currently or previously) to die for him.

✦ The complexity of the matter is that: Were it anyone else, he wouldn't hesitate. He'd be pleased to throw them into harm's way if it meant being free. But Deicide!Vere has been lonely, searching for something - someone - like him for so long. I think he sees the potential of Sacrifice!MC as the one person outside of himself that he could really treasure. (AKA love) They're the "thing" he wanted most, before he lost his freedom. Being confronted with a situation where he may have to sacrifice one of his greatest desires for the other? Even he's not sure what he would do, if the situation arose as such. So he pushes that thought and that feeling away. My vision of Vere is that, though he is somewhat scheming, he is also impulsive and driven by hedonism. For regular Vere, I'm sure he pushes it away until it has to be an impulse decision. For Deicide Vere? This is the shittiest, no-win scenario. Low luck stat really comin' thru.

✦ Re: MC just fucking leaves scenario: I think you're right that something about that breaks him. The rejection. The idea that they've found him unworthy, not the other way around. But most of all: the abandonment. That they would leave him to suffer, presumably forever.

He's their god, yet it's them who's sentenced him to hell.

✦ Another thought I often consider: MC succeeds in removing his collar and even manages to survive doing it. But they don't chose to stay with him. He's been mistrusting of them, too cold and harsh and unwilling to see them as an equal (or at least: unwilling to admit that he does). And so, they lay the collar at his feet and leave. One last supplication, the final prayer from their lips being: "Goodbye, Vere." And the door is firmly shut, this time. He's free but he's back where he started. Searching. Alone. (He knows they're out there somewhere, but they've surpassed him in order to free him. If he hides in the shadow, they hide - they live in the places that match their golden veins, and he can't find them there.)

✦ He thought he could find them anywhere. But he's lost their scent....

I know my reply was a little bit messy, but hopefully I've answered in a way that was fun to read! and maybe even scratched some of the Deicide!Vere itch for anyone who, like me, is constantly infected. Ty again for joining me in my little brainrot corner!

p.s. lmk if i didn't answer/can answer anything more specific that u were hoping for an answer to, it's been kinda a week for my brain!

[thefloatingwriter]

wiress with cats.

[itspileofgoodthings]

Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024?  😀

And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.) 

Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one each a book in 2024?

It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.

My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.

Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.

Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!

[simplepotatofarmer]

i'm sorry, i just really struggle with finding my place in this community. with all the hate and harassment, it's almost impossible, and the techno community is not exactly fond of me, at all. then i don't really belong to any other sub-tumblr. so i tend to feel really alone. people get messages 'warning' them about me. people i don't even know start harassment campaigns on twitter. i've lost a lot of people i thought were my friends.

i'm really tired and it feels like i'm very alone especially with everything that's happened in the last few months irl.

i really really want to be a part of the community but i don't exactly know how to and i keep trying but i feel like i'm doing it wrong. and that's not on anyone else because y'all have been nothing but kind to me, i just have a hard time for a lot of reasons.

but i do really appreciate everyone because you've been amazingly supportive and i encourage y'all to like. talk to me, ask questions if you want. i'll try even harder to do the same. <3

[solidcarbon]

.

[nomairuins]

i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

[bittersweetresilience]

aspec characters on my character list: 73/96 arospec characters on my character list: 46/96 aroaspec characters on my character list if i wasn't repressed about it: 96/96

[theood]

Sometimes I hope moving will magically make my relationship with my parents better and then I feel guilty because everyone thought I had such cool parents so I must be making up everything that made my childhood suck and I did have good childhood memories it wasn't always like this so really truly it must be me faking for attention

[xysidhequeen]

Me: The migraines are getting better! :D

The Migraines: No the fuck we are not

Me, in pain: They’re. Getting. Better.

The Migraines: Suffer

Me: If I say it enough, it'll be true

[hellyeahsickaf]

This is very true and I try to keep note of mine. Especially with disabilities like fibro where one of the features is cravings.

Sugar/carbs/"junk food" is normally your body wanting quick energy or sodium. Pickles/salty food in general can be sodium, low iron, or even mean you're dehydrated. Chocolate is often sugar or magnesium. Dairy in general can be vitamin D, protein, or calcium. Cravings are pretty much always your body trying to tell you something.

Spicy food may even be your body craving serotonin or stimulation of some sort. We enjoy food that hurts our tongues because to remedy the pain our brains produce endorphins.

As a general rule, if you're having food cravings, you should probably pay attention to that, because it's usually a sign that your body needs something. Like, if you've just finished a workout and are suddenly desperately craving fries? Maybe you're low on salt, you did just sweat a whole bunch. Period cravings for junk food? Your body's under some stress and working hard, you need energy, and foods with a lot of fat and/or sugar are an easy way to get that.

Back in the early 1900's when exploring Antarctica was all the rage, y'know what was a major part of everyones daily rations? Butter. Just butter. The men out on the sledging teams would have cravings to eat entire sticks of butter with nothing else, so that was included in their rations. And that happened because under those extreme circumstances, their bodies desperately needed as many calories as possible, so their diet consisted mainly of butter, chocolate, and animal fat. Eating entire sticks of butter was the healthiest possible diet for them.

That's an extreme example of course, but my point is, there's no such thing as inherently Good or Bad food. Anything that's edible can be healthy under the right circumstances, just like anything can be an unhealthy choice under the wrong circumstances. Your body knows what it needs. Listen to it. Unless you're actively going through a serious medical situation, you do not need a tightly restricted diet. Diet culture is a scam, body fat is natural and healthy, food is good for you, and calories are the fuel your body needs to power its continued survival.

[booblywooblies]

fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU FOR NOT GIVING ME AN ACTUAL FUCKING REASON TO SCREAM AND THROW SHIT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!! IM GOING TO JUMP OFF A FUCKING BRIDGE FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FOR FUCKING LYING, FOR GETTING MY FUCKING HOPES UP THAT ID HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT TONIGHT FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU cant even fucking wish something bad would happen to you because i dont want that AND itd affect my anyway fuck you, fuck you for fucking making me wait up, fuck you