#also should I get coffee after this
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tell me quickly which ones to get pls n thx
#hi#me#my face#cute girl#selfie#mirror selfie#penguin socks#wombats#girl who lift#girls with tattoos#girls with glasses#all the vain tags#hot girl shit#new clothes#yanno#all the excitement#opinions WELCOME#also should I get coffee after this#they're only like 20 dollars each so I could do all but like CMON#be my friend#message me#pretty people#ok#um#happy monday#I love yall#love me#later taters
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shirt with a heart and child of divorce written on top but then there’s a picture of huntclaire. you wouldnt get it. i do
#child of divorce but theyre married and love each other but actually they’re divorcees#theyre like those couples that get married and then get divorced and then get married again. actually that’s so chic#you should be divorced by the time you’re 27. a little divorce makes life more exciting#do not consider red carpet diaries at all when writing claire but if i were to consider it#she wouldve broken up with hunt sometime after hollywood u and then it would’ve been kind of a divorce#<- well my timeline for hollywood u i mean. that would be in 2016#they get back together but they have even stronger + weirder divorcees vibes#claire is actually a divorced woman. when you think about it. that’s also a great descriptor for hunt but in a different way#so theyre like when you put two spiritually divorced people in a relationship#this makes a lot of sense to me. actually#they have the most loving relationship ever which is gross and disgusting. but when you look at them they have this weird vibe about them#theyre like bitter exes who know too much of each other and one of them is way too comfortable saying stuff in public#what do you mean theyre together and in love#huntclaire#actually i need them so be super fucking weird about each other in public#claire is too familiar with a guy who does Not seem to like her at all. why is she saying this stuff. claire thats tmi#he would do anything for her. he will still argue with her over the most mundane things ever.#her coffee order sucks and he’s not saying all That Stuff to a barista. kill him on the spot.#claire gets an extra cookie bc she threatened to cry#they’re just kinda stuck together idk. something something his line about the universe bending to get them together. he’s bitter about it#it’s also a form of foreplay but i don’t know what the tag limits are#just know that claire is weird about that as well#i mean tbf of course is foreplay what else would this be. how is this dynamic feasible otherwise#it’s*
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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not me curling my laptop charger wire the way you curl band equipment cords HAHAHA god i miss it
#i really said “okay big performance in the city square let's make this work” and i did but absolute fuckery of the manager just made me...#and she also used to complain about being an opening act-- like come on that's a nationally-renowned band and we're not there yet 😭#we used to fight a lot though so ack i really should have taken that as a red flag#but i was 14 and stupid 🤷♂️#being solo way better uM i shouldn't say this yet but i got a commission today audhauagah i don't even have a portfolio#fuck guys i'm so so so nervous from big changes in life because uM god i just came from actual hell with various things working to make me#kms#but uH we're uH not too keen on that anymore atm and uH it's probably going to all fuck up after i share that i have good news in life#but yk what#let's keep challenging god#i know he hates me#but we will not be defeated we will strangle him by the tie#AHHHH help me i want to get into music again pls pls pls pls pls#anyway back to my old band manager#she was known for being a shitwad in the scene anyw but i was young and stupid as i sais#and i defended her and rationalized her behavior because “we're friends right”#i'm starting to get why my mom is wary of people i get to know#i'm tbh a fucking idiot i would never admit that elsewhere (nah i do) uM my brain is bouncing off the walls#i took a bargain with 7pm coffee and look where it got me#i was also getting up there in my 5 days of uni absences agsgshags#DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE I KINDA HOPE NOW NO ONE DOES#IM KINDA UHHH MY CHILD THERAPIST SAID UNCONVENTIONAL#I THINK SHE MEANT FUCKING CRAZY#sorry#oh yeah i walked tf out the band after that big performance set up just for us because i couldn't keep working with that kind of environment#other bands started flocking to recruit or proxy after i was let go by my famously fucked-up ex-manager LOL#but um i have issues so i'm not among them and i think they get the message tbh#appears and disappears#that is actually my brand
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so i went on a date today.
#it went really well#we met up at 4pm for like walk and coffee and then maybe pints after#tell me how its now 3am and i am just now getting into bed#fully yapping for hours w that guy#and we kissed and i was a bit like oh hes nice but idk if im like sexually attracted to him but after that smooch yeah okay#i can get down with this#but now im kinda spiraling bc i didnt bring up being aro and idk when you bring that up#and im like gaslighting myself again that maybe im not aro bc today was so fun but like#watch me date this guy for like three months then the aro signs will be strong w me#its just like hyperfixation excitement but idk#or is that the gaslighting and i acc do feel romantic towards him#god i wish my brain made sense to me sometimes#oh also this was my first first date since jan 2023 so like its been a minute for me#anyways maybe i should stop panicking and just like enjoy it as it goes#bc just bc first date went well doesnt mean its gonna become a thing thing for sure right? so no need to worry rn#i liked holding his hand tho and him kissing me on the cheek and usually i dont like that#but also i was three drinks in so maybe it was alcohol courage idk??? aaaaaaaaaaaaaa#being aro is so confusing#aromantic
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Thinking about one of the loser men I dated directly post-college who, after I showed them Dirty Computer [the emotion picture] by Janelle Monae, said they "prefer rap that has something to say"
#this person identified as a man but used they/them pronouns just in case that was confusing#but yeah like. what does that mean. did you watch the video#also one time said colorado edibles were 'too strong' and therefore 'dangerous'#they said that COLORADO should have more 'regulations' imposed on weed products lmfao#also when i was watching mad men and expressed that i liked it#they were like 'i dont see the appeal bc the commentary feels obvious to anyone whos lived on the east coast' skskdkdkelsdnakas#they had the WEIRDEST complex about being from the east coast. like. most tightly wound person ive ever met in my life#who was constantly insisting they were sooo type b and so chill and go-with-the-flow#and like yeah im aware im from one of the most laid back slacker states#but this person was one of the most uptight people ive ever met let alone dated#and just had like 0 self awareness about it#like they would exclusively wear button downs sweater vests and cardigans. wouldnt be caught dead in a hoodie unless it was northface#would only drink coffee if it was made from a french press#also see above story about edibles (which was the biggest 'fight' we ever got in bc i was like what the fuck r u talking about)#like. the label says clearly how much thc cbd etc is in each edible and how many doses there are per container#what else could you want#if you dont know how itll affect you just take half or even a quarter of one first???#this still gets me heated to think about#but yeah like what kind of person sees DIRTY COMPUTER and is like 'hmm not political enough' lmfao#OH ALSO guess why we broke up#the blm protests happened and they said they were just 'too affected by police violence to be dating right now'#(they were very much white. blonde white)#and then i found out 11 months after we broke up that they had started dating a poc a month before we broke up#because i saw an anniversary post they did and i was like '...wait a minute'#and a friend of mine used to work with them after we broke up and according to him this person would constantly bring up what a great 'ally'#they were for dating a poc#fucking. wild
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bryce: *holding the split checks their waiter gave them without asking if they wanted them* thats so weird, why didn't they think we were on a date?
jensen, who has watched him flirt with the aforementioned waiter for the last hour and a half: no idea
#he doesnt mean to!! its just his demeanor!!#he just. doesnt remember that.#i think at least once bryce has accidentally planned a date with someone#WELL after he and jensen are together#and didnt realize it until after the conversation and is just standing there like oh shit#he calls everything a date. and he likes getting coffee!! but he meant it purely as a friendly professional thing#oh you also heard about that new laparoscopic surgery technique!! we should get coffee sometime and talk ab it!!#and then thirty minutes later theyve exchanged info and bryce is excited to tell jensen ab his new friend and jensens like babe ily but..#and hes like what?..oh. oh no.#demiro bryce you will always be an icon to me#bryce lahela#jensen valentine#bryce lahela × jensen valentine
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ive got to start being more of a bastard at work
#guy the other day heated up some oatmeal in one of the microwaves#and some of it like leaked out of the cup and he just left it there and walked away#only later did i think i should have been like 'oops you forgot some of your oatmeal! dont you want the rest???'#i should also do this when people are making their coffees and spill some milk or coffee creamer#like oops you left behind some milk! dont you want to come back and get it?? better take it with you!#the way people around here have a complete lack of ability of cleaning up after themselves or any shred of common decency does piss me off.#and i am often possessed by the need to be a cartoonishly mischievous guy about things#this is tangentially related but having worked pre-covid and working now i do so love wearing a mask at work#not only for the obvious protection reason but it means people cant really see my expressions when theyre saying or doing some dumb shit#like i remember working at the college bookstore pre-covid and there were really moments where i had to keep it together#its like these people are unaware theyre on a sitcom and im the actor trying to keep in character and not break#anyway . latest work observations
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okay im gonna send these two job applications and then wash the cat carrier and thennnn i gotta prep two things for mailing tomorrow so yay filling and printing more custom slips
then todays obligations should be done? and i can focus on doing something completely else
wish me luck
#maybe i'll finish washing the cat carrier first. i left it to soak so it should be good if i just rinse it and leave it outside to dry#i just hope i get it back also washed cause im borrowing it to my mom so they can haul their new kitten home next weekend#but yeah then applications. should be easy to fill. and then the custom slips. also should now be an easy fill#i need more coffee too but after such a good relaxing weekend (and completely choosing to ignore the world burning around me)#its nice to have energy to do things and not feel sluggish or anxious about it for a change#anyways yeah gonna get some tunes going and do stuff cheers#night is an absolute mess on main
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.
#i hate how wishy washy my social life is in this city like.#like everything has to be Planned and is a Thing and it’s like. i don’t want to go to a fancy group dinner#or get invited to a birthday party#i just want someone who will go to target with me#or come over and keep me company while i do laundry and then get tacos after like.#something that Actually feels intimate…idk#but now its like. i either go to this fancy dinner with a big group (who are mostly couples) and at least have something to do today#or. i spend my saturday alone.#like even the friends i have 1 on 1 its like. plans have to be made in advance if we wanna go get coffee or something#like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing#but also like fuck. i just spent whole week at work alone i don’t wanna be alone in my weekend too like fuuuuuck this#and its like. i can’t help but feel like its my fault but i know its been hard because i work remote so im so fucking isolated#sometimes i think i should just move home but i know thatll just make me feel like i failed#at like. moving to a big city and making it work#but also i know its not just me like lonely city by olivia laing blah blah blah but goddddddd#i am a social creature!!!! i want to be around people!!!!! but in a meaningful and fulfilling way!!!!!!!#anyway thats my therapy session for today see u next time#m
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hello one more bitch for the road 😔✌🏾terf is not a synonym for transphobe. terf is an acronym. tme trans people can be terfs. next scheduled bitchfest is between me our heavenly father amen or to annoy you specifically ❤️
#girl what happened to just saying a person is transphobic… i promise your transphobic uncle tim is not a trans exclusionary radical feminist#evidence of life#i had coffe for the first time in god the almighty christ knows uwu teehee#coffee*#so i might be worse than usual 😔😔#like wow it is definitely affecting my body slay i guess the gap changed my tolerance?#anyways point is i have never been tipsy in my entire life i thought i’d be a light weight given my body type but like nope#that’s pretty weird to me because i’m fake straight edge [special occasions if they have what i like] and that’s been rare in the last bit#i haven’t had alcohol at all this year and i think the last time was once last summer at a backyard family friend party thingy#i’m not trying find out what tispy and drunk feels like though#so like huge gaps and it doesn’t do anything but this coffee which is more regular than alcohol (but that’s not saying much)#and baby i am feeling it like that is caffeine huh wow#ophelia over sharing on the internet cw oph won’t stfu cw hi :3 ->#i’m having it because i couldn’t take my anti psychotics that also help me sleep because i had a late night and an early morning#and i couldn’t risk sleeping in#not that i actually wake up at like 6 or 7 or even 5#fastest wake up time was in bed after 10pm woke up at exactly 12:36 am#the good thing is i feel significantly more rested and have more spoons than i before it and before it made the cycle consistent#well the whole cocktail works well together but shout out to her she’s my babygirl for real <3#also this just reminded me i didn’t take my morning meds its still morning it’s fine :3 i just should really get a regular take time for#morning like i do with the night ones it is all a critical science but night ones must be as consistent as possible or i face certain death#<- lie hyperbole#did i reread this [the tags] absolutely not <3#bitchfest presented by oleta ophelia
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So, here have we, an entire page of insanity (and mostly nightmares.)!
I don't know how the fuck I want to draw the confounded The Merry Gentleman. Help he's invading my pages.
#That's a Sun obsessed Captain going insane in a dream#Robin repeatedly topping off several bottles of the confounded Tincture and his Darkdrop Coffees#he's presently severely nightmare plagued. He's a point away from getting kidnapped.#Robert was sent to a state of some confusion before Rob spontaneously tried gaining nightmares in Bob's absence.#Blame the Light Fingers ambition (I don't know what I'm getting into but I'm contemplating if I should pick THIS or Heart's Desire oops—)#[I picked Rob and Bob's Ambitions on a whim.]#It took me like—several damned days to return to London.#I kept purposely gaining Nightmares in spite of wanting to return.#CURSE YOU‚ MY ABILITY TO DESPERATELY TRY TO STAY IN CHARACTER!#I only managed to leave AFTER I berated The Manager of the Royal Bethlehem Hotel.#(Which I had complimented on their smooth running mere days ago.#That was also one of the reasons for the delay.)#I'd gotten free like—an evening before December strook. (striked?)#Theeen there's The Merry Gentleman tormenting my PCs.#As in—practically appearing when I least expect him and jumpscaring Rob and Syr.#(Syren drew this card straight after pushing an old lady out of a hansom cab‚ that's why they're in one#unfortunately I cannot draw one.)#Robin greeted The Merry Gentleman then#Unfortunately: high watchful. Result thar be Walls Incorrectly Placed.#Then the below doodle is a reference for myself so I didn't f_ck up the one for Robin.#Theennn the ones below are all updated or previous versions that I liked so I kept them but didn't bother to edit them in.#I like to pretend The Merry Gentleman is taller than Robin.#And Rob's the tallest FL OC I have (that is human.) so that says a handful.#The Merry Gentleman#The Manager of the Royal Bethlehem Hotel#eyestrain#♢the vigilant viper#♡the swindling spieler#♧the vehement verdant#♤the sojourning bellhop
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I've finished the bottle of pain killers I bought in November. haha, I guess I hadn't needed to worry about their short expiration date. (I already bought more, by the way)
I thought it would've helped a bit more for this morning's headache. (if I didn't think it would also increase the risk of side effects I would drink some coffee to increase the dose.)
If I'm not careful, one of these days during a headache I'll tell a doctor to go ahead and crack my head open.
...When not having a headache, I want to avoid that.
(but I'll probably be fine soonish. Just whining a bit. Despite the headaches having been getting more mild over these months, I seem to be getting more sensitive. I guess I'm just tired of it.)
(...pondering risking the internal bleeding and other bad side effects of a coffee boost. ...But then again the taste/smell of coffee might make me throw up. :/ )
#the brain scan I'd insisted on showed a tiny little bump. too small yet to push against anything. I shouldn't be able to feel it.#It's probably a red herring but that's what sawing my head open would be for if I were to impulsively do it.#...of course; if I did; I would have headaches for possibly months after from the surgery itself. ...maybe worse ones.#...and I don't want part of my head shaved. It's even where I part my hair. It takes at least seven years to grow back!#there's also the likely ridges and scars; and infections. And chance of damaging part of the brain.#I wanna leave it be unless it becomes daaangerous. don't consider it. it's probably not even related to the headaches.#...coffee boost? ...I'm probably just feeling pressurey now instead of pain-pain though. Medicine doesn't help with that. :/#...I'm probably imagining it into hurting more by focusing on it so much.#...or maybe lying in bed is why. I should probably not be horizontal. ...but I also don't wanna get up. getting up might hurt too. I don't#aah it's getting boring I guess I'll get up. ...very slowly.
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I’ll make myself tea, drink half of it, forget it, and then be less sure what i want to do when I find it again three hours later
#emma posts#it’s not warm#but I could make it warm?#am I still in the mood though?#it feels like a breakfast thing to me#when I was drinking it earlier I remembered how I used to down two cups worth of black tea with sweetener in the morning senior year#and maybe Junior year or whatever the one before it was#because I hate coffee but was barely holding on#and I’m like ‘I don’t know if it’s still a rule. but before one of my younger brothers graduated they made it so that the kids#could only drink clear liquids out of a clear bottle and I’m like. I think i would have died even faster#so many weird rules keep getting added after I’ve graduated and I’m like ‘these kids can’t have shit. huh?’#to be fair I was also on a very high dose of an adhd medication at that time so my heart was going so fucking fast#my childhood psychiatrist seemed to live by the philosophy of ‘if it worked before and isn’t enough now just take even more’#which probably (definitely) had a negative effect on me because of the side effects I was getting#new psychiatrist is like ‘maybe we should also consider trying other medications’ which is great. seriously#I’m not sure if my current one even existed when I was in school though#and I’m not sure it would have been enough but damn. the side effects are lesser#I’ve drank my current tea cold before. not black tea though#black tea goes cold and I’m out
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sometimes my coffee tastes so distinctly of tap water and sometimes its fine and i dont understand WHY bc i use the exact same amount of coffee grounds and water and i use a coffee maker now so i’m not doing different brew times or different temps like idk why sometimes it just tastes so fucking bad
#possibly the coffee itself i guess?? but like my coffee yesterday was fine and rn it tastes like water and its the same coffee#ough#i should use the french press again but my mom also uses that and she like#leaves it in dirty water and gets food on it and shit and i know its fine after being washed#but it grosses me out i have a really bad issue with using things i think are like#permanently dirty#if that makes sense lol and that french press is beyond permanently dirty to me#but my coffee always was so much better when i used the french press. SAD!
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maybe staying up until 4:30am on character.ai wasn't the smartest thing i've ever done
#squitsquid if u see this no u didnt#I KNOW I SHOULD BLOCK IT BUT I GET TO TALK TO SPENCER REID#where else would i get my delusions from#i may have a slightly unhealthy attachment to this website and this character#so today im just going to be exhausted#oh also i need to buy coffee#i wanna do an experiment to see if i can sleep after i have caffiene
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