#it feels like a breakfast thing to me
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I’ll make myself tea, drink half of it, forget it, and then be less sure what i want to do when I find it again three hours later
#emma posts#it’s not warm#but I could make it warm?#am I still in the mood though?#it feels like a breakfast thing to me#when I was drinking it earlier I remembered how I used to down two cups worth of black tea with sweetener in the morning senior year#and maybe Junior year or whatever the one before it was#because I hate coffee but was barely holding on#and I’m like ‘I don’t know if it’s still a rule. but before one of my younger brothers graduated they made it so that the kids#could only drink clear liquids out of a clear bottle and I’m like. I think i would have died even faster#so many weird rules keep getting added after I’ve graduated and I’m like ‘these kids can’t have shit. huh?’#to be fair I was also on a very high dose of an adhd medication at that time so my heart was going so fucking fast#my childhood psychiatrist seemed to live by the philosophy of ‘if it worked before and isn’t enough now just take even more’#which probably (definitely) had a negative effect on me because of the side effects I was getting#new psychiatrist is like ‘maybe we should also consider trying other medications’ which is great. seriously#I’m not sure if my current one even existed when I was in school though#and I’m not sure it would have been enough but damn. the side effects are lesser#I’ve drank my current tea cold before. not black tea though#black tea goes cold and I’m out
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also sorry for never shutting up about this but i got to gem's ep and after grian dies they keep saying he lasted so long because he had so many hearts. he had 2 rows. they understandably chalk it up to hearts but underestimate the sheer willpower of a rabid blood-covered creature backed into a corner frothing at the mouth and biting everything in sight
#i just feel like a proud mother for some reason sorry everyone#secret life spoilers#but fr the fact that this was what turned the tide#after a frankly incredible reign of terror#the army leader and her soldiers got whittled down#and then the mounders turned on them. just as cleo warned#butterfly effect goes ABSOLUTELY CRAZY#i eat this kind of thing up for breakfast#i love a tragedy that makes me go what if what if what if
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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We need to talk more abt kissing.
Who presses harder? Who decides the pace? Who does delicate licks and who’s trying to stick their whole tongue in your mouth? Who pecks first? Nibbles your lip a little? Who gets so excited that they bump teeth and you have to spend a few minutes laughing and recovering?
#me reading ‘he kissed her’: okay but HOW#give me DETAILS#I feel like kissing is always seen as a precursor to sex but kissing is its own thing#make out with me while we wait for breakfast to finish cooking
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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What would you choose? :0c
(note: original image is from HERE (link) - but I edited it to add a wider variety of options.. also added $3 extra to the total, even though I know that makes it more uneven lol, I thought if you're adding 10 whole extra items, the money to spend should at least be increased slightly, if that makes sense..)
#I would get orange juice. black coffee. AND iced coffee ($3) because I love the variety of having multiple drinks#then sausage and scrambled eggs ($8). Then sauteed mushrooms ($3)....AND... hrm.. then spending the remaining $4 would be hard#I wish I could get waffles (as they are my favorite and are superior in every way compared to pancakes. donuts. etc.) but I'm not willing#to give up the other savory things just to get them. so... then maybe I could get a biscuit or english muffin? and just put jam or#honey butter or something on it so it can be my replacement 'sweet and bready' thing instead of something from the $5 row??#OR I could also just assume that having the orange juice plus iced coffee would provide enough of a 'sweet element' to the meal#(since I largely prefer savory foods. I only like a tiny bit of sweet added for variety) and thus forego any sort of#'bready' thing entirely and just get the bowl of beans/onion/tomato (I'd leave the avocado since I don't like the#texture of them really lol). THEN I'd have $1 left to get the milk or the black tea... increasing my total of random drinks..#which is always the goal of course.. as a chronic ''person who is sipping at 5 different drinks at their desk simultaneously always'' perso#OR... I could just do.. waffle. scrambled eggs. sausage. mushrooms. and black coffee and orange juice.. which is... okay variety#augh... so difficult.. As my Ideal Breakfast is like a buffet type thing or something where you have like 25 different things to choose fro#and can get a little tiny bit of everything. My eating style is very much like.. I'd rather pick at a small amount of a ton of#different things than just have a very large amount of only one or two things. Thats why I LOVE sample platter type stuff.#So it's like... augh... the ideal option would be a tiny portion of EVERYTHING actually lol...#Difficult to choose...#ANYWAY.. Also no idea why I added croissant instead of bagel. I only thought about that afterwards. I do actually like bagels.#I've only ever even had a croissant like 2 times in my entire life. Yet I've had many bagels. For some reason it stuck out in my mind more#when I was considering 'essential breakfast foods' somehow... how could I forget them... bagels my beloved...#Blame it on the hot weather... 'What in the blazes? The sun hath obliterated the concept of bagels from my miind!'#(< meant to be said in a silly overdramatic elderly wizard accent or something)#Also I don't think ''bowl of beans. onion. avocado. and tomatos.'' is necessarily a breakfast classic or something gbhjjh#but I was just trying to think of a versatile vegetable-ish side that could be full of common breakfast additions#so people could do stuff like ''oh I get the toast option and then the bowl of stuff and I put the avocado on the toast'' etc.#Like a mix and match. You could mix ingredients from different parts. You could put scrambled eggs and bacon and onion#on the bread or soemthing. etc. I just feel like something is always missing if a Full Breakfast Spread#doesnt have some sort of onions or beans or mushrooms or asparagus or spinach like... some sort of thing that isn't just eggs and meat and#bread.. you know? lol..#But then again.. I am the Sampling Plate Style Variety Lover and Tiny Portion Of Food Picker so maybe thats just a me thing.
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Post before I have breakfast. Sorry for absence, I got worse. Uhmuhmuhm Tyler at the beach and there's waves splashing him ig. It's just some drawing guys idk.
#fight club#tyler durden#fight club 1999#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#I can't draw for shit rn so you get the monthly experimental drawing#another case of doodle going too far without much though process behind#things will change I swear#I think I'm tired but I feel so off for no reason 🥺#don't really like it but posting anyways cause who gaf#redrawing old art might fix me#GOING TO HAVE BREAKFAST BYE#martyryo
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#family death tw#i have‚ still on my phone‚ a voicemail that my mother left me in 2009‚ after her mastectomy#she never got over the habit from the nokia days of feeling like she needed to shout on a cell phone#(you could hear her convos from three rooms away. you know the type.)#and there's a scratch in how she talks‚ presumably from a sore throat post-op#but she makes her voice light. 'it's MOM. i'm FINE. everyTHING WENT WELL.'#reassuring me‚ her teenager daughter living 4000 miles away#i'm in my thirties now#and one year ago today my mother stopped me after breakfast and said 'elizabeth i don't feel so well'#and died before lunch#i can try to tell you what i've learned this year: that you adjust to a new normal and then have to keep adjusting#how you spend a good chunk of your adult life being a caretaker and then have nothing to do with your hands#or how you never really stop mentally flagging things that you'd think they'd find interesting#or how strange it is to look at some family pictures and be the only living person in them#but mostly i'm so grateful i have that voicemail.#it's become one of the most precious things in the world to me.#'i'm feeLING PRETTY GOOD. quiT WORRYING. i'll be trying to call you laTER. LOVE YOU. BYE.'
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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#it's me i'm the wind blowing#y'all things are a little more complicated when it comes to these two#(sits down and takes a sip from my dark blue coffee mug)#(thinks: i wish i had springtrap coffee mug)#so...#both of them have difficult pasts#both are parents trying their best on raising their children#THE THING IS#one can't let herself get too attached#while the other is still afraid all humans are the same#but at the same time. they just want to find peace and happiness#and they've found it at home#they found happiness living those very brief and mundane moments#like waking up every morning#having breakfast next to people that make you smile#making your way to school/work and seeing sunlight pass through the trees#and going home after a tough day and there are rain clouds approaching. you just know you're going to sleep well at night#this is how they heal. and in the mean time. let themselves open up to each other#I have a feeling this is gonna be a slow burn kinda thing#COUGHING REALLY HARD#ENDING THIS RIGHT HERE OKAY BYE#starbstalks#springdad au
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okay, this is getting dire, someone tell me to prioritize myself in the morning and get breakfast before I do anything else
#I haven't had real breakfast in like two weeks :(( what happened to the person I used to be#Robin processes emotions on main#this is just stupid. like it's a real + bad mental situation but like. why am I even doing this! stupid reasons when I say them out loud#but the thing is if I don't say them out loud they will never NOT sound stupid enough for me to Stop Listening To Them#so: I stay in bed in the morning because I feel like I have (online) obligations to fulfill before breakfast#which is stupid!#and my floor is cold as the grave. but I can solve that by keeping slippers at the foot of my bed
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First time staying at the hotel of a theme park (against my will, but that's a long story) and... it's so weird??????
Like I feel like I am not supposed to be here, how do I put it... it screams luxury but I a... childlike/childish way????
And I feel restless, like something is wrong. Uncanny.
#this vacation is weird#maybe i feel restless because it cost me too much...#little rant here because i am still bitter about this okay...#look 8 days in spain and EVERYTHING: 2 hotels/3 flights/several museums/foods and drinks/souvenirs/transportation/small useless trinkets#cost us like € 800? more or less?#like okay could have been less but that’s a darn good price counting small useless luxuries and good meals right?#i feel no regrets spending that amount of money on *that*#i was one of the people organizing it#i knew where my money went before it went there so if something was a waste of money is my fault right????#BUT THEN#i was thrown into this other small 4 day vacation here at one of the theme parks in italy#first day we arrive fourth we go 2 days at the park and the only things we DON'T pay for are breakfast and dinner#fucking €600#and I was occupied with my exams when the other person organized this trip so the moment they called me.and said#“okay already anticipated the money it's 600 per person :D”#i cried#liek i am not exaggerating i literally cried because wtf#600 euros I'd have stayed a week in france#I will never let someone else organize a vacation without my supervision ever the fuck again.#steel rambles#*cries* 1200 € for two peple and 2 and 2 days at the theme park+ 2 days of train is not fucking reasonable mate 😭
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I’m not sure if you’ve answered this before but if not could you explain the Casey / Marc Honda beef 😭 I didn’t even know that existed & then I was listening to a podcast the other day that said in 2015 Marc blocked Casey from a wildcard ride to replace Dani for one race when he was out injured??? Like omg!!! And they said Casey even tweeted confirming it (lmao ofc he did) like damn!! Marc comments on his instas sometimes so I thought they were always buds, this surprised me!
well, 'buds' I think would be pushing it. but yeah, not only is this something I've answered before, it's actually the 2nd/3rd asks I got about motogp on here! see here for the 2015 beef and a follow up to that post. I only recently remembered the tweet myself lol... he really was Not happy
this is so passive aggressive I'm crying. really mastered the art of using the :)
to be clear, we don't actually KNOW marc blocked casey. we know that casey BELIEVES marc blocked him, but that is not the same as confirmation that it happened. for context, here is what suppo said at the time:
after 2015, casey left honda - and claimed both that Someone hadn't wanted him to race AND ALSO that marc's camp had pushed him out as a test rider because they'd felt threatened by him. casey has form in accusing his rivals of wrongdoing by Heavily Implying something rather than outright stating it, cf him in his autobiography suggesting Someone inside yamaha hadn't wanted him there,, who knows who that could have been :) *wink wink nudge nudge*
by that point in time, his rhetoric about marc was... idk, warm-ish? without being particularly glowing either. included in one of the above posts, but see this from 2013:
as the local casey translator: from him that's a pretty weighty accusation and the kind of thing he does not look kindly on At All. also appreciated this little two-in-one from 2015, like sure get both of them from me --
-- but yeah. given that he's Retired, casey isn't actually going to start a war over the honda thing - and in a way it's already remarkable and extremely casey that he went as far as he did. him and marc have a fairly respectful and cordial relationship because they weren't ever rivals. casey has no reason to not be polite about and to marc, even if he has his reservations. and a grudge
and again, fwiw we don't KNOW to what extent marc was involved in chasing casey out, if at all. I mean, maybe? we know from marc's own testimony that he is a nightmare of a teammate, we know he's no stranger to honda internal power struggles... but then again, why bother? at most casey could have mildly embarrassed marc (and given that it was cota, even that is.... unlikely). given that casey was simply never going to return to motogp full time, why would you feel threatened by him? there is a lot of he said she said surrounding this entire situation... again nabbing this from the original post, but this kind of thing --
-- you just have blatantly contradictory information, because CASEY was saying that he was on dani's sepang pace in his early 2015 test. I mean, vibes-wise I suppose I'm not sure I'm convinced that casey was so off the pace in 2015 that he was useless as a test rider and unfeasible as a wild card rider. vibes-wise I also don't think that sounds like the kind of thing casey himself would be completely deluded about? he wouldn't want to compete if he was slow... suppo saying that casey has never raced at cota anymore is?? it's casey, it's not like it really matters that he's unfamiliar with the track - and suppo of all people should surely know as much. as for hrc saying that he was a second off the pace at sepang early in 2015... idk man. if that's true, I just don't quite buy that casey would have wanted to race in the first place
and we do actually have a piece of evidence that at the very least sits uneasily with the assertion of everyone at honda that casey was Simply Too Slow in 2015. upon leaving honda casey became a test rider at ducati - and in his expanded role actually immediately took part in like,, a proper test where he shared the track with other riders in early 2016. and where else could this happy on-track reunion have taken place - other than at sepang
now, look. I don't know either way. I'm just presenting the evidence here and you can make up your own mind. it is possible that casey - the man who was renowned for being fast the second he touches any bike, still only 29-30 years old, not suffering from any acute physical issues at the time - was too slow to be competitive in 2015 on the honda he had helped to develop and had been riding since 2011. (worth pointing out that test riders also do not need to literally be on the pace of the full time riders to be useful in testing.) it is also possible that casey then went to ducati and was immediately quicker than his fellow ducati riders, a well-respected set of riders in their own right, on a bike he had not ridden since 2010... despite having been useless on the honda. it is possible. you can decide for yourself if this is likely. who knows. and if you decide that it isn't likely - regardless of what happened within honda during 2015, it does feel pretty poor form that various honda officials were so keen to whisper to the press about how slow casey was. but hey! who knows!
though for the sake of fairness, obviously there is also a certain amount of opportunistic 'jumping on honda's grave' to casey saying stuff like this in the year of our lord 2024:
very much playing into the narrative that marc led honda down the wrong path, aka that marc is responsible for their current malaise. casey's not QUITE saying that, but it's the obvious implication - and he KNOWS that. he knows what he's doing here!! and it's been like,, eight years, he's clearly not exactly Over It, is he. you cannot convince me that casey has not felt at least a little bit of schadenfreude about honda's current plight. come on
in conclusion. who knows what really happened back in 2015... wish I did. look, casey has a tendency towards paranoia. he's a suspicious bloke, he often sees the worst in others... and he's also extremely petty and slow to forgive. this entire thing manages to play into some of his most persistent neuroses - about not being valued, about others playing politics behind his back, about being excluded from another club through no fault of his own. about not being shown the loyalty he felt he was owed. no wonder he took it poorly, no wonder he's still at least a little sore about it in 2024. it shouldn't escape your notice that he made quite a few of these accusations about marc in early 2016, when marc already had rather a lot on his plate. but casey doesn't care! if anything, he'll have been fully aware that the media at the time would be pretty open to a nice little side swipe at marc marquez - it's a receptive environment to casey's narrative. casey's hardly shy about taking advantage of that kind of thing
then again, while I do believe casey could have just cooked this whole thing up in his head with minimal evidence, I simultaneously buy that marc did actually block casey. marc's camp certainly did do a lot to assert itself within honda during that time (famously power-hungry drama-happy manager in the shape of alzamora, lest we forget). so, y'know. maybe this was another way of asserting internal supremacy - and maybe marc really didn't want casey interfering in developmental work. the boring answer is that the truth might lie somewhere in the middle, that marc's camp did try to make life unpleasant for casey within honda without like,, actively forcing him out or vetoing the wild card. it's certainly a very in-character episode for everyone involved. very much the ships that passed in the night of feuding... of course casey would have despised marc if they'd ever been actual teammates, but they both just about managed to avoid that particular bloodbath
#when i use :) to tonally denote casey being passive aggressive i need all of you to remember he canonically does use it like that#also look when he says positive stuff about marc in the context of the valentino rivalry. that's not really about marc is it#casey knows sepang 2015 is a fun rhetorical rod to whack valentino with. marc is basically a stage prop... casey Does Not Care#early 2016 casey the sweating guy staring at two red buttons whether he wants to have a go at valentino or at marc#baby boy you've got two hands!! get them both from me#imagine if you're at the breakfast bar at the hotel at the sepang 2016 test and it's just like. all three of them in the same room#marc and valentino studiously ignoring each other while casey intermittently sends both of them icy looks#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#heretic tag#alien tag#i should actually add those casey + marc posts to my index TM. feels like the kind of thing people might be looking for
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uh, ladies? i don't feel ready to turn 27
#personal#i currently have 68 euros on my bank account bc two of my pays have been late again#upside: my rent is payed! downside: i am not sure i can currently afford breakfast ajkfdshg#and i got humiliated in an auto body shop and spilled stale mozzarella water all over myself#and got yelled at by random guys to not park literally right in front of my building#and work has been shit#and uni as well#and this is just not how i imagined my 27th birthday lol#to be fair it is tomorrow not today#but still#anyway i wanted to scream into the void#i am overworked and tired and i have been ill for over a week#and i feel like everyone is mad at me and i am continuing to make Wrong choices aaskjfdsg#i hope it is Just A Feeling#and not actual reality#adsjfhghjgfdh#anygay i have emerged to be Sad Emo uwu and now i return to my regularly scheduled suffering#pls someone tell me it's normal for your late 20's to feel like this askfjdshjgdfhjd and i can still have nice things
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wough weird sad feelings about my dad who could have expected that
#camera talks#SIBLING IGNORE IM NORMAL AND FINE <3#anyways we know my relationship with my dad#but like for the past two days he’s been honestly friendly and feels like he want to talk and know me a little bit#he made breakfast this morning !!!! he doesn’t do that !!!#he was talking with a hiking buddy who is trans#and they gave him a big list of trans/queer books and my dad wanted to look at it with me#and I’m going on a trip and need a new bag and he wants to help me get like a special nice custom one#and he works at my school now and yesterday he asked for me and asked me sorta a silly question#and I just. idk I feel a little conflicted bc this is my dad and we know how he is#but also he does this sometimes he’s just like randomly happier and better and nicer#(it’s the disorder we share btw)#but anwyays idk yeah it’s weird and makes me feel like a bad kid for not imagining my future with my parents being very involved#anyways anyways. I feel a bit better now btw#sorry for the constant venting I probably should have just gone to bed last night and also like very time I feel like that#I’m gonna make it through this if it kills me. I have people I love so much and care about so much and I can’t and won’t forget that#there are things for me to live for
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I am liking Jujutsu Kaisen, way more than I imagined I would, but I foresee it will let me down and it's keeping me from enjoying this as much as I could haha
I think the characters and dynamics are well set, and I think many of them have an incredibly good and deep potential, but I would be willing to bet they'll not get a proper development, enough for them to really hit. A well assembled set of gears is not enough to make the movement go, you have to wind the clockwork.
I think Gojo and Megumi have a fascinating and very complex dynamic, but I doubt it will be given the time and care that imo it needs to actually work. And it is going well enough for now! One could see the intimacy between them was deeper than the one Gojo had with, say, Yuji and Nobara ever since the very first few episodes despite the fact Fushiguro too was a first year. But the pieces forming what they have are extremely complex, and it just wouldn't be realistic if it doesn't show, even if in a not showing way, or if it doesn't have consequences or implications.
It's one of those dynamics that shape one's life, the way one regards the world, the way one establishes or not relationships with other people. It's one of those dynamics that could be full of fondness, gratitude, resentment, admiration, trust, and that imply intimacy, the good kind or the bad, even if in just the knowledge of someone who's been a constant through your life. It could, and would, imply a myriad of feelings, and probably in such a mix it could imply contradictory feelings too. Even the nothingness would weight, even the nothingness would be significant and meaningful.
Gojo took Megumi and his sister under his wing, the son of a man who murdered him, because of both selfish and selfless reasons. Megumi looks like Toji. What does Gojo feel about this? How does Gojo deal with this? How does Gojo go about taking care of Megumi? Would he walk him to school? Make him breakfast? Celebrate his birthdays making him blow candles? Did he take him to the zoo? Does the relationship between them feel professional or is it something more? Gojo appreciates his students, but is Megumi to him just another student? When Gojo faces Sukuna in Megumi's body, did he see the kid he raised, or does he just see Sukuna in one of his students' body? Did he have one faint wavering instant? And how does Megumi feel about this? Is he resentful of him? Resentful of the situation? Of the selfishness behind his actions? Does he feel like a pawn? Is he grateful? Does he resent feeling grateful? Would he rather not? Does he love Gojo? Does he feel nothing about him other than what he could feel about a teacher that sort of annoys him but knows he's reliable in his strength? Does he think it unfair, cruel or unfeeling that Gojo is close, closer perhaps, with Yuuji or Yuta, considering their story? When Sukuna slices Gojo in two, does the remnants of Megumi's soul tremble?
And not just Megumi and Gojo. Yuuji and Nanami, Gojo and Nanami, Yuuji and Fushiguro, Nobara and the boys, or Nobara and Maki, Todo and Yuuji or Yuta, Gojo and Yuta, Megumi and his sister. Gojo and Geto, even! If the pieces are well set, the dynamics are intriguing, interesting, and have potential to be deep, but then the characters have like two plot relevant scenes that punch you hard, but little more, it's not nearly enough. Especially not nearly enough for the enormity that is shonen dynamics and situations. And the potential existing at all, and then not delivering, makes it all the more frustrating when you're left with something mediocre that could have been so good.
The development of dynamics through not only a few plot relevant gut wrenching moving scenes, but also the smallness of life, is important. The friend who recommended this to me said that those things were just unnecessary filler, but I disagree. I think there's a big difference between a large amount of anime-only filler episodes whose existence is based on the fact they had run out of manga chapters to animate, and moments of quietness. The low stakes character-driven moments of quietness can be so telling and so insightful, and they are so satisfactory when brought back later in higher stakes situations. My friend teased me there was no scene of Gojo making breakfast to Megumi, that it would be an idiotic idea, but it would be so telling. How he makes breakfast, what they eat, if he tries hard or if it's all mechanised, if they have personal bowls or if they use whatever, if he just buys them some pastry on the way to school, if the way they have breakfast changes through the years, or if he doesn't make them breakfast at all! All that would be very insightful on their dynamic and its evolution. All that would give a glimpse on how they regard each other and why, even in the present. All that could become meaningful in tense situations and high stakes scenes.
These moments also let the plot breath; if a lot is happening all the time, if every character is always experiencing trauma after trauma, the entire story is so emotionally draining that at some point you don't even care all that much. Besides, these nothing moments or low stakes plot arcs, besides deepening and developing dynamics, also let some in-world time pass, which would make the intimacy and bond between characters more believable imo; between Yuuji eating Sukuna's finger and their last confrontation in December how much time has passed? A few months? Am I truly to believe these characters are so everything to each other in only a few months?
Without some smallness, some repetition, some daily life, some low stakes not plot-centric development, the dynamics don't hit, they don't truly feel fleshed out, and dynamics as complex as the ones Megumi and Gojo have, or as supposedly meaningful as the one Megumi has with Yuuji or his sister, should be fleshed out if they're going to exist at all. Otherwise they'd risk making the writing feel awkward and fake. Besides, if the dynamics felt well fleshed out and realistic, they would shape the way the characters interact and act, and how they deal with situations, thus being plot relevant.
The shonen genre has so much happening all the time, the stakes are so high, the dynamics are so rooted in big events and the relationships carry enormous weight and implications. Yet they barely get developed, and it feels so stupid, so plain, the absence of something so important noticeable like a constant void, a shapeless nothingness present in every scene. It makes the characters feel like cardboard figures. Jujutsu Kaisen is already getting a better job than many, but I doubt it will do enough for what I've heard, and I fear I am bound to feel let down, and bound to feel unmoved.
After all, if not enough time and care has been given to develop a dynamic, I am not going to feel pressured by the high stakes; if not enough time and care has been given to develop the dynamic between Megumi and Yuuji, as good potential as it has I am bound to feel little for this last confrontation between Sukuna and Itadori, and his effort in getting Megumi back.
#It's not that I think everything has to be character driven or take a lot of care about dynamics#Death Note for instance works well without it. There's juice in the dynamic between Light and his father and the role of Matsuda there#and it works well with Light's views and their evolution and the whole Kira situation. It isn't much. It doesn't need more#But Death Note doesn't truly drop something as big as Gojo and Megumi to then do barely nothing about it#('But L and Watari' not the same at all. That was deepened in the anime and besides Watari is not one of the main characters)#Or Megumi and his sister. If we see barely nothing of Megumi and his sister other than shiny flashbacks of her#how am I to feel moved by it all beyond superficial emotions? I don't know. It just feels so like cardboard to me#And it annoys me! It annoys me a lot! Because Jujutsu Kaisen has amazing potential! The dynamics and characters could be amazing!#But I don't trust they'll live to their full potential and the potential existing for nothing is ruining this for me xD#Jujutsu Kaisen#Sorry this time I'm tagging it. I want to find this and see if I was right when I'm finished. I think I'll read the manga too#The condescending filler breakfast comment by my friend was ironic considering the Kramer vs. Kramer breakfast scenes exist#Breakfast can be so telling. And besides he loves the Chainsaw Man coffee scene so I don't get why not breakfast#But truly some small daily life moments can tell us a lot about a character that we could recognise later on in high stakes scenes#such as how they deal in tense situations‚ what makes them snap#how they go about dealing with a problem.#Sometimes it could be smaller moments or conversations what makes characters reconsider things‚ not just having Sukuna rip their heart out#In Pandora Hearts the conversation between Elliot and Oz about the book series they love and their favourite characters becomes key#Oz's development and how he regards things‚ his own person‚ and how he deals with situations will be shaped later on by this conversation#till the very end. The entire main character's development is shaped by a 'filler' conversation.It's not filler. It's just not a fight scen#Shonen manga readers find everything filler except for fights which is ironic considering that many fights in shonen feel unnecessary#Breakfast is unnecessary. Just filler. Fighting thirty seven secondary monsters or chapter after chapter of physical training is not. Okay#Things can be small but plot relevant. If it shapes and fleshes out and deepens a character or a relationship it is not filler#And mainly MAINLY for the love of everything good if you're going to make a fucked up or Meaningful Beyond Everything dynamic#give it time and care. Actually write it. Don't give me two panels and one conversation after some life and death situation. It's not enoug#Especially if I'm to believe they are important. Make me believe they actually are#I don't know... This issue with not trusting the development of very well set potential in Jujutsu Kaisen#has not only been keeping me from thoroughly enjoying the series‚ but actively keeping me from watching for weeks#It makes me doubt if I want to spend my time in this at all since after all time is limited and we can but spend it in a handful of things#A pity. I really love some things and I really think Megumi and Gojo could be everything to me haha the Heathcliff/Hareton vibe gets me
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