#also sabine making her own lightsaber would have just meant more
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And the whole… “no I gave it to YOU it’s YOURS now”
Like… that’s really not how lightsabers work. If Sabine wants to be a “jedi” now she’s got to make her own damn lightsaber.
Ezra. My man. You gave your lightsaber to chopper like 15 times during rebels. You had no problem taking it back after that. Why the change? Is it that Sabine is the main character? I think it’s because Sabine is the main character
So what was the POINT of Ezra refusing to take a lightsaber last episode if he was just going to rebuild one this episode? He specifies that he doesn't NEED a lightsaber because the Force is his ally and then immediately in this episode decides to build one.
Did the Force stop being his ally in-between episodes for some reason?
#also sabine making her own lightsaber would have just meant more#Ezra was just like *name drop kanan* ok done
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Knowing how much Ahsoka struggled to be Sabine's master --- would she get advice from Kanan when she visits Lothal? Most likely giant wolf to giant wolf??
Wellll see I kinda ditched the entire Jedi!Sabine narrative. Listen if they HAD to go that direction, I believe they could have done it well but they really did not (to put it generously), and while I've considered trying to do it better myself, at the end of the day I wish they just hadn't done that at all.
Tldr: Ahsoka and Kanan probably will have a giant wolf to giant wolf conversation but idk if it'll be about looking out for Sabine or searching for Ezra or what
So this is my tentative and unrefined interpretation of Ahsoka and Sabine's relationship for SWW Ahsoka, aka roughly how I imagined it would be like before that damn show ever came out (sorry in advance this spiraled all over the place. I meant to elaborate a little bit and then I couldn't stop. I tried to keep it concise but. There's a lot to unpack that I didn't expect to have to unpack in order to get to the point lol)
First and foremost Sabine isn't fucking Force-sensitive. Ahsoka teaches her a lot about the Jedi, and continues her lightsaber training, and I think Jedi teachings and excercises can have a lot of value to ordinary people! But she's not trying to be a Jedi. Ahsoka does feel mentorly instincts towards Sabine, partly bc she knows what she's going through as a very young veteren and genocide survivor. Partly bc she does feel the need to pass her knowledge on to someone. Partly bc deep down Ahsoka is pretty damn lonely too, and Sabine is very family-shaped. And also because wolfwalkers stick together.
They call her Ahsoka's 'practice padawan' as a joke. Huyang is like. You really ought to find a Padawan one of these days. And Ahsoka's like. Why would I need a Padawan I have Sabine. And Huyang is like. Listen I'm very happy to have Sabine with us but you ought to get a real Padawan.
But how could Ahsoka ever take on a student while she's still wrangling with whether or not she wants to be a Jedi? Which, they never actually show her making a decision on that. Or rather there's really no transition between "I am no Jedi" and whatever she's got going on in the show which. Long story short, I hated it. Ass writing. In my personal opinion.
I think I’m just gonna lean into the idea that she feels like she can't truly be a Jedi whether she wants to or not bc she was trained to be a soldier instead, combined with the fear of Anakin's darkness manifesting in herself, distrust of his training, etc. Up until the point where she decides to put Anakin behind her for good and trust in her own experiences, during her WBW adventure (which goes way differently in my head but I will elaborate on that later. Maybe.) But for the purposes of this au, she doesn't even commit to being a Jedi again until dying for the 3rd(?) time and honestly maybe she still doesn't. Maybe it takes all the way to wet puppy Shin dropping in her lap that she sees her path as a Jedi path. Idk.
Ahsoka's arc is not an aspect of the story I expected to address in depth myself so idk how much I'm gonna get into it within the comic itself. It's hard to go over every issue bc lothwolfwalkers is just an anthology series adapting small chunks of the timeline that I find work well with the wolfwalking, and I'm trying not to make more work for myself than I have to, bc I already have plenty. Rewrite is maybe a strong word, when I'm just cherry picking what I liked from the ahsoka show and adjusting what I didn't like in a way that keeps the overall plot intact for simplicity sake. I will eventually write an official detailed ahsoka-from-my-head post, but the comics will just be little scenes based on that.
Anyway,
Regarding Sabine and Ahsoka's falling out. It doesn’t happen. In fact I think Ahsoka will take Sabine under her wing after the fall of Mandalore and they just immediately start looking for Ezra in the unknown regions, bc Sabine is like hey I have nothing left here can we go look for my brother now. They don't find anything. Eventually Ahsoka gets wrapped up in other business and Sabine ends up back on Lothal depressed as fuck (despite Kanan, Hera, and Zeb's best efforts to be there for her, infinitely more than what is depicted in the show) until Ahsoka finds the map and shows up for round 2. Or smth like that.
Side note: I am going to declare the Wrens MIA not dead. Because I hate hate hate that they were unceremoniously killed off screen and wasted the way they were. I guess I could just unkill them completely but well I am a sucker for that angst and something about the devastation of that reveal seared it so deep in my head that I can't imagine the story without it now (thanks for that Dave. Fuck you Dave.) So uh, they're trapped on Mandalore with those other survivors from Mando S3. After Sabine's already left for Peridea they manage to finally get off Mandalore due to S3 events and track down Hera and are like WHERE IS SABINE. Cue Clan Wren Ghost Crew team up to get their fucking kids back. Though everyone will probably make it back on their own before they figure out a way to hop galaxies.
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“BEING EZRA’S BEST FRIEND AND SABINE’S YOUNGER SIBLING (STAR WARS REBELS)”
gif // requester: @geekgreekgirl // request here
The three of you were inseparable, you being the glue that held the trio together
Or, more specifically, it was you and Ezra usually up to no good, and Sabine trailing you guys to make sure that you didn’t get into any real trouble
Though Sabine always complained that “it’s not my job to babysit you two!”
Because whatever trouble you did get into, you’d go to Sabine first to get you out of it before Hera found out
You and Ezra having a nightly tradition of a late-night second dinner when everyone else on the Ghost was sleeping
Like, almost in the middle of the night
And just whipping up some sort of really messy meal, like space waffles topped with all the sweets you could find on the ship
It was the only time you were really careful about cleaning the ship’s galley, because you didn’t want Hera or Kanan to catch onto your late night shenanigans
Sometimes Sabine would show up, just to make a hot drink before she went to sleep and totally crash your party
And steal some of your food
But you secretly liked when she stayed up with you and Ezra, because it felt like even more of a party
Whenever you and Ezra were Too Much, you guys had to be separated lmao just to put an end to the madness
Ezra sent to work with Kanan and Hera calling you to help in the cockpit
Because you and Ezra could keep each other laughing for hours and get nothing done or lose focus on the mission
Being raised as a Mandalorian like your sister and having your own set of armor, though a little more mismatched
Sometimes, when she was in a good mood, you could convince your sister to help you customize it
You definitely had tallies somewhere on your armor of how many Stormtroopers you had taken out
And after an encounter with the Seventh Sister with Ezra, the two of you had a spirited debate about how many tallies an Inquisitor was worth
You: “She had a lightsaber! That has to be like ten!”
Ezra: “But we didn’t even stop her? She’s still out there.”
You: “That’s a you problem. She’s not looking for me. I got away. That should be enough on my end.”
Zeb was like an adoptive big brother and teased you almost as much as he teased Ezra, especially if the two of you were together
Same with Chopper. Ezra always seemed to have beef with the both of them, which meant that you also had beef with the both of them
But you and Zeb actually got along pretty well when you weren’t fighting
There was some sort of warrior solidarity there
You missed your parents on Mandalore a ton, so the first time you overheard Hera and Kanan call you guys “the kids,” it was really calming and nice
It made you feel safe
#star wars rebels#swr#headcanons#star wars rebels headcanon#swr headcanon#reader insert#star wars rebels reader insert#swr reader insert#ezra bridger#ezra bridger x reader#ezra bridger headcanon#sabine wren#sabine wren x reader#sabine wren headcanon#kanan jarrus#kanan jarrus x reader#kanan jarrus headcanon#hera syndulla#hera syndulla x reader#hera syndulla headcanon#garizeb orrelios#garizeb orrellios x reader#garizeb orrelios headcanon#chopper
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The Redeemers (A Mandalorian Fanfic) Chapter 2
All warnings/pairings and other info to follow per chapter. For now, this is safe reading for everyone. Forgot to mention that this fic will most likely not follow established SW canon. I’m actually getting dizzy checking the timeline.
Tagging @pedrocentric. Hope you like this second chapter.
You can read Chapter One HERE.
* * * * * * * * * *
THE REDEEMERS
By
Rory
Chapter Two: The Broken
“Thank you for agreeing so quickly to meet with us, Dr. Pershing. I know the circumstances of our first meeting were quite…tense.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have agreed to meet with you again, no matter what the circumstances are. But since it’s about the Mandalorian here…”
Ahsoka – who stood quietly in a corner of the freighter’s med center – eyed the Imperial doctor whom Bo-Katan was addressing with suspicion. However, as Dr. Pershing hurried to take out an examination device from his bag, the Jedi saw how the doctor was very much at ease with his present company, belying his earlier statement. There were a couple of moments when he seemed to be on the verge of saying something to Bo, but then shook his head and decided that whatever concerns he had could come later.
When Bo-Katan told her that they would be calling Dr. Pershing to check on Din Djarin’s condition, Ahsoka was swift to offer her misgivings, being aware of the doctor’s reputation for cloning experimentation. But because of what they experienced on Mortis, the Jedi acquiesced on the condition that Din Djarin remain helmeted throughout Dr. Pershing’s examination.
Before the Imperial doctor arrived, they bathed the Mandalorian and trimmed his hair, mustache, and beard. They also dressed him in clean clothes, before laying him on the bed in the med center. Throughout this process, not once did the Mandalorian rouse from his insensate state. His right fist remained tightly clenched and they could not pry his fingers open.
True enough, Dr. Pershing’s eyebrows lifted at the sight of that helmet. To Ahsoka’s surprise though, the doctor just proceeded to perform a thorough examination of his patient.
After checking and crosschecking the findings on his device, Dr. Pershing asked, “May I take a blood sample? Don’t worry though. The results will be between just the three of us. I will delete whatever I find immediately afterwards.”
It was Ahsoka who gave her approval this time, causing Bo to give her a curious gaze. “Yes, you may. I’d like to see if your findings will confirm what I suspect.”
Dr. Pershing’s eyes grew wide at that remark, but opted not to say anything else. Bending down, he extracted the blood he needed from the Mandalorian’s bared arm and ran the diagnostics. As the data filled the small screen, the doctor could barely suppress his gasp. He looked at the two women, his mouth agape like a fish.
“His M-count…” Dr. Pershing blurted out, scratching his head. “How can this be? According to our records…my past encounters with him… He hasn’t demonstrated any Force powers at all!”
“What is his M-count, Doctor?” Ahsoka inquired.
“It’s in the same range as the Child’s. 20,000 plus. But, even if I hadn’t tested him before, I’m sure that he is not Force-sensitive.”
The Jedi let out a long, harsh exhalation. Seeing the questioning expression on Bo’s face, she told the doctor, “Dr. Pershing, if you’ll excuse us, I would like to speak with Bo-Katan in private.”
Hearing this, Dr. Pershing straightened up and stood firm. “If you please, I would like to join in your discussion.” To emphasize his position, he presented his device with the screen facing them. With a press on a button, the screen went black as all the data was erased. Seeing the wariness in their eyes, he reassured, “No, I haven’t transmitted any of the data to the Empire.” The doctor then quietly confessed, “The same way I deleted the facial scan records, the security feed, and blocked the transmission of the video that revealed the Mandalorian’s face from Morak.”
“And you expect us to just take your word on that?” Bo said, incredulous.
“I don’t presume that you can trust me so readily. I know how much your people have suffered under the Empire.” Dr. Pershing looked at Ahsoka. “And also our constant battles with the Jedi. In my defense, I can only say that if you hadn’t trusted me, even just a little, after I helped you…willingly…in retrieving the Child from Moff Gideon, you wouldn’t have asked me to come here.”
The two women exchanged quick glances, with a small smile forming on Ahsoka’s lips. “Very well, Doctor. Besides, we may need your medical opinion on this matter.” Turning to Bo, she said, “Tell us what happened to the Mandalorian…from the beginning.”
Bo folded her arms over her chest. “Ten years ago, after we rescued the Child, I convinced Din Djarin to join the Nite Owls. In truth, he had no other choice. The Razor Crest was destroyed, so he couldn’t continue his life as a bounty hunter. Boba Fett and Fennec Shand had also wanted him to join them on Tatooine. In the end, Din chose to be with us. I suppose he wanted to learn more about the Mandalorians, having lived for most of his life with the Children of the Watch. I thought it best to give him further training in fight and battle techniques and teach him about the true history and culture of Mandalore.”
“And by ‘true’ Mandalorian culture, you mean the current pacifist views that were espoused by your sister, Satine,” Ahsoka noted. “You were once a member of Death Watch yourself. So you know that you cannot just rewrite the entire martial history of Mandalore.”
“No, just certain aspects of it.” One red eyebrow lifted as Bo glowered at the helmet that Din Djarin was wearing. “In particular, that little matter that he could not remove his helmet to show his face.”
“Why would you do this, Bo? Why would you go so far as to teach him all this?”
“Because this is knowledge that he needs to lead the Mandalorian people.” Bo heaved a heavy sigh. “Din Djarin is the current wielder of the Darksaber, which, as you know, makes him the rightful ruler of Mandalore.”
Seeing the surprised expression on the Jedi and doctor’s faces, Bo-Katan narrated the events that happened on Moff Gideon’s cruiser.
Continuing, Bo said, “In the two years that we were together, I had somehow cracked through some of those stubborn beliefs he held. I had…hoped…that I would bring him to Mandalore so that he could take the throne. Maybe reunite the clans and especially bring the Children of the Watch back into the fold.”
“But right from the start, he never wanted to be Mand’alor, did he? In the brief time that I’ve known him, I know that his sense of honor would not allow him to accept the Darksaber.”
Bo nodded. “True. He kept on insisting that the Darksaber belonged to me. He did not want to rule Mandalore. Unlike with Sabine, I cannot in due conscience accept it every time he offered it to me…not after the way I lost the Darksaber during the Great Purge. As per tradition, I would’ve had to fight him for the right to wield the sword, but it wouldn’t have been proper to do so back then. When he seemed so…lost…after he entrusted the Child to a Jedi.”
“Grogu found a Jedi?”
“Grogu… Is that the Child’s name?” Bo let out a wry laugh. “Yes, I guess that little kid had found a Jedi. It was the Jedi who saved us from the Darktroopers. We never learned his name though. I know Din missed the Child terribly and I told him that we could track that Jedi down, but he refused, always saying that Grogu was in safe hands and…”
“And…” Ahsoka gently prodded.
“He said that he could feel the Child, whatever that meant. That he was reassured that Grogu was alright. That he was safe at last.”
“It’s definitely because of the bond,” Dr. Pershing interjected. “When I first had the Child, I could already see that there was a strong attachment between them.”
“But after two years, something happened, am I right? Din Djarin told you that he wanted to leave, that he cannot be the king that you wanted him to be,” Ahsoka then put in. “He was so desperate to leave, but you refused every time. He still got away from you though. That was your Gauntlet I saw on Mortis. And when he was gone, he left behind the Darksaber.”
“I admit that I was happy at first that Din had forsaken the sword. At that time, the only people who knew that the Darksaber was back in our possession were Koska, Cara Dune, Fennec – who I am sure told Boba Fett about it, but the man could be trusted to keep a secret – and, of course, Moff Gideon. Axe would know about it later. For eight years, I bided my time, continued on our mission to gather weapons for our cause to reclaim Mandalore and…”
At that moment, Bo paused, realizing what she just said. “Eight years…”
It was Ahsoka’s turn to nod. “The way I see it, a very powerful Jedi Mind Trick had been placed on you. I’m pretty sure Din Djarin put it on you, although he was not consciously aware that he did so. The only reason why you started your search for him was because the Darksaber no longer allowed anyone to wield it, including you. The Darksaber brought you back to yourself because it wanted you to find its rightful wielder.”
“Yes. It’s weird. In all those eight years, I never saw the need to use it. I didn’t want it stolen again, so I kept it in deep storage. But then, rumors started to spread in Mandalore that the Darksaber had been found again. I don’t know where those rumors originated, but I suspected that the Empire was behind it. I was going to claim the sword as my own. After all, no one knew about Din Djarin. But…the Darksaber rejected me. I was with Axe at that time, so that’s how he knew. No one could pick it up without getting burned or hurt in the process.”
Dr. Pershing shook his head in confusion. “I don’t understand. I’ve seen Moff Gideon brandishing that sword about. I mean, it’s just a laser sword. How can it choose its wielder?”
“Lightsabers, the Darksaber included, are nothing more than weapons. Anyone can wield a Lightsaber, but it requires training and skill. I must admit that the Jedi’s expertise with the Lightsaber arises from the fact that we are able to complement its use with our Force powers,” Ahsoka explained. “But the way the Darksaber is behaving now, it’s clear to me that the Force is behind it. Unfortunately, the only way that I can see how the Darksaber works in relation to the Force is if and when Din Djarin awakens and chooses to use it.”
“I confess that there is very little that we Jedi know about the Force. I’m sure the same can be said for the Sith and the Empire,” the Jedi revealed ruefully. “That fact could not be more obvious than the situation we have here, right now.” She waved a hand to the Mandalorian lying on the bed. “I can say for certain though that the reason why Din Djarin left the Nite Owls and abandoned the Darksaber was because Grogu severed their bond.”
Bo and Dr. Pershing could not contain their horrified gasps.
Ignoring them, Ahsoka continued, “The severing overwhelmed Din Djarin. Even I felt just how raw the wounds in his mind and heart remained, even up to now. It made him distraught with worry and fear for Grogu, very powerful emotions that drew the Force to him. From this point on, this is all just pure conjecture on my part. I believe that the Force sensed these emotions, his intense need for Grogu that it summoned him to the one place where he could possibly find the Child – a place that is similar but more powerful than Tython, a place that could awaken the Force that lay dormant inside him.
“Mortis was the home of the Force-wielders. Obi-Wan Kenobi told me what the Force spirit of his former Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, revealed to him about Mortis – that it is a ‘conduit through which the entire Force of the universe flows’, that it is a ‘planet that is both an amplifier and a magnet.’ But Mortis is not just those two things.
“You may have heard rumors about the Sith Lord, Darth Vader, he who once was my Master Anakin Skywalker. It was said that Anakin did not have a father, that he was conceived through the Emperor’s manipulation of the midi-chlorians in his mother’s body. But I believe that Ani was created by the Force itself to restore balance in the galaxy. Seeing the…changes…in Din Djarin, I believe that he was…gestated…in the raw power of the Force on Mortis, transformed into a being with immense Force potential so that both the Light and the Dark Sides continue to battle for domination over him.”
Ahsoka could not contain her shudder. “I dread what would happen if the Dark Side wins.”
For a moment, a heavy, fearful silence fell among them, as they mulled over the Jedi’s troubling words. The quiet was shattered, however, by a soft, pained voice coming from the bed, uttering a single name, “Cara…”
Suddenly, the Mandalorian’s body jerked upward, forming a stiff arch. As he plopped back down on the bed, he started twisting and writhing, muffled screams coming from his helmet.
“HOLD HIM DOWN!” Dr. Pershing cried as he hurried to the bedside. Hearing the harsh, rasping breaths, he pulled off the helmet, revealing Din Djarin’s tear-filled, agonized face.
As the two women kept the Mandalorian from thrashing about, the doctor rummaged inside his bag for a syringe and immediately filled it up with fluid from a vial. Before he could plunge the needle into a swollen vein, Din Djarin’s body made one last upward surge and he fell back onto the mattress. His right hand dropped limp to the side, his fingers opening so that a gleaming silver ball fell and rolled on the floor.
Dr. Pershing quickly ran his examination device over the Mandalorian. “HE’S NOT BREATHING!” Without hesitation, he proceeded to apply chest compressions. Bo-Katan went to his aid, tilting Din Djarin’s head back and blowing precious air into his mouth. The passing seconds seemed like an eternity, and they feared that they wouldn’t be able to revive the Mandalorian.
Then, the door to the med center opened and Axe Woves entered, bearing the crystalline case containing the Darksaber. Opening it, he seized the pulsating sword inside. In an instant, a burning smell filled the room. But Woves didn’t let go. Instead, he laid the Darksaber over Din Djarin’s chest. As soon as contact was made, the crackling energy of the blade branched out, spreading all over the Mandalorian’s body so that he seemed to be enveloped in a bright, jagged net. The net pulsed and throbbed for a minute before dissipating. To their astonishment, they saw that Din Djarin was breathing again.
Seeing the questioning expression on Bo-Katan’s face, Woves explained his unexpected entrance, “The Darksaber started pulsing like crazy. I figured something might be wrong, so I decided to bring it along for you to see. I never thought it was reacting that way because of Din. Is he okay?”
Dr. Pershing again examined his patient. At the same time, Ahsoka went toward the still figure and laid her palm over his brow, a deep frown wrinkling her own forehead.
“Yes, he’s fine…for now,” Dr. Pershing confirmed. “But I…”
The doctor was interrupted by Koska, who barged breathless into the med center. “Something terrible’s happened! I intercepted a transmission from the prison ship that was supposed to transport Moff Gideon to Oovo IV. The ship was ambushed by an unknown spacecraft. Before the transmission died, the pilot said that Gideon and a Morgan Elsbeth were retrieved from the prison transport. He also said that…”
It was the Jedi who finished her sentence for her as she drew away from the Mandalorian with deep sorrow. “Marshal Cara Dune has died. The moment that Din Djarin went into seizures, he felt her die.”
Bo-Katan was stunned by this news. In the brief time that she knew Cara Dune, she had been impressed with the Marshal’s bravery and loyalty to Din Djarin.
Dr. Pershing gazed at the Mandalorian before him and made up his mind instantly. “That settles it. I would like to join you…if you’ll have me.”
Everyone in the room stared at him. But the doctor said, “I’ve long been thinking about leaving the Empire, especially after the things that they made me do to the Child and…and…” Dr. Pershing found that he could not continue. The thought of the experiments he had done filled him with shame. Instead, he said, “I always made the excuse that it was for science, but my conscience knew that what I was doing was wrong.” He turned earnest eyes to the people before him. “Please. Allow me to help the Child’s father. Din Djarin has spared my life on two occasions. I owe him and the Child this. Also…I’m afraid that he’s dying. If you know where…Grogu…is, I believe it is only he who can heal the Mandalorian.”
Bo thought for a long while. When she lifted her head, determination was set on her features. Turning her gaze to Ahsoka, she said, “I think we should pay a visit to our old friend on Endor. I’m sure she can help us locate that mysterious Jedi.”
Ahsoka smiled at the memory of the kind, valiant Twi’lek general who was both comrade and friend. “I agree. It’s been a long time since we last saw Hera. A reunion is definitely forthcoming.”
The Jedi bent down and picked up the silver ball which was once the Child’s favorite toy. “And as soon as we find Grogu, I’d like to hear his explanation on why he hurt his father this way.”
TO BE CONTINUED
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Star Wars Rebels fanfic - Together (an AU of an AU) Part 9/9
Finished it!
This chapter should have been up literally weeks ago, but stuff kept coming up and I kept wanting to make little tweaks and... well, you know how it goes. I got there in the end though.
(part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8)
In the early days, after Malachor, it had surprised Ezra how little the loss of his sight had affected Kanan’s ability with a lightsaber. While he had struggled at first to find his way around an unfamiliar room, or perform normal, everyday tasks, the moment he activated his blade, all hesitancy disappeared. Whether he was performing katas and practicing alone or sparring with Ezra, Ezra could see almost no difference in his master’s skill level.
It was as though he could somehow see by the light of the blade.
Kanan had laughed when Ezra had said that. Not a real laugh, more like a smile and a quick exhalation of air through his nose, but it was obvious that the comment had amused him, and Ezra had wondered why.
Kanan had shaken his head and deactivated his blade. “Something I said once,” he had explained. “When I was a youngling, at the Temple. I asked what was the point in learning to use a lightsaber blindfolded because nowhere was so dark the blade wouldn’t give you enough light to see by. It turned out I was wrong.”
Ezra had winced at the explanation. It wasn’t funny, and he didn’t know how Kanan could have laughed about it. Overcome by the urge to see, he had deactivated his own lightsaber and pulled off the blindfold that he had been using during the sparring match.
“We used to train with our vision obscured all the time as younglings,” Kanan had continued. “But it wasn’t about learning how to fight blind, that was just a byproduct; it was to teach us to trust in the Force. It’s more reliable than your other senses; your eyes can deceive you.”
Ezra had known that. Kanan had told him before, back when they both had perfect vision and no idea that anything was going to change, but this was the first time Ezra had heard it in some time. He repeated the words in his mind, holding onto them, trying to find comfort in them. But that wasn’t why Kanan had said it. He wasn’t trying to reassure him, it was simply a statement of fact.
He had known, too, that Kanan had done that kind of training. He had made no secret of the fact that he had called upon the lessons he had been taught at the Temple for inspiration when he began to teach Ezra. What he hadn’t realized until now, was the extent of Kanan’s training. Blindfolded, once he had gotten over the problem of balance without his sight to ground him, Ezra had no problem going through the motions of the basic stances and katas that Kanan had taught him, and he wasn’t bad at deflecting objects thrown in his direction, but ask him to face an opponent, even in a friendly sparring match, and he was completely and totally out of his depth.
But Kanan, newly blinded, had faced Maul and escaped with his life.
Looking uncomfortable, Kanan had clipped his lightsaber to his belt before folding his arms and turning away from Ezra so that his face was hidden. “I… hated it,” he had added. “Not being able to see, I mean. It made me feel vulnerable. I think that’s why I didn’t use that method more often with you. I should have.”
That part was new; something Kanan had never told him before. Honestly, Ezra had never enjoyed it much either. He had hesitated then, caught between saying something to try to reassure Kanan, and steering the topic of conversation as far away from the current one as he could. If they had known what was going to happen, they would probably both have done a lot of things differently. There was nothing they could do about it now. Nothing except make up for lost time.
Training as a whole meant something different now than it had done before. It wasn’t only about lightsaber practice, or using the Force. They were still a part of it, but there was so much more now too.
Training meant slowly but surely learning how to find their way around the base; a place that in its current state, Kanan had never seen and Ezra was still getting used to. It meant expanding on the Force techniques that they had already developed to allow them to sense the world around them, improving them, using them over and over until it became second nature. It meant hours and hours spent practicing with the tactile alphabet that Sabine had brought to them, learning how to recognize each letter by touch, and then how to read whole words and sentences.
Much to Ezra’s frustration, training now also meant a lot more meditation than it had before, concentrating on strengthening their connections to the Force.
There was more to it than that, though. So much of what they were learning how to do didn’t involve the Force at all. That shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Ezra, who as a child had observed the methods that his aunt had used to compensate for her blindness, but for some reason it had. For a time, he had been fooling himself into believing that eventually, with enough practice, the Force would be able to compensate for everything.
He was now realizing that wasn’t the case.
Training now also meant Kanan talking through problems that he had encountered, mundane tasks that neither of them had even considered before, that had suddenly become difficult or impossible, and the two of them working together to find a solution.
“You know,” Ezra said one evening as they printed out tactile labels for items in the kitchen cabinets. “I’m pretty sure figuring out how to shave without looking would be one of the least difficult things we’ve done recently.”
Kanan raised a hand and ran his fingertips through the beard that covered his lower face. He smiled and shook his head. “That’s one of the reasons I stopped shaving at first, but it’s grown on me now.”
“Yeah,” Ezra said. “That’s kinda my point.”
Kanan sighed pointedly. “I meant I like it now.”
“That’s only because you don’t have to look at it,” Ezra told him. “I do.”
“Not for much longer,” Kanan retorted, then froze in apparent horror.
Ezra blinked, caught off-guard and momentarily unsure how to react. Ezra had been making comments like that for months, and getting away with it. Jokes and comments sometimes at his own expense, sometimes at Kanan’s, sometimes at both of them. It had become almost a reflex. This was the first time he had heard it from somebody else.
It felt weird.
He did the only thing he could, under the circumstances. He laughed. “Point,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” Kanan told him. “I didn’t mean to…”
“Hey, you’re not wrong,” Ezra said.
Kanan was still frowning. Ezra got it, he had said things that he regretted before now. It was refreshing, in a way, to hear somebody else do it instead.
“I know,” Kanan said, “but…”
“Seriously, don’t apologize. It’s about time someone else tried to make a joke around here. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing all the work. And talking of work, how’s that label coming?”
Kanan relaxed just slightly and got on with printing the next label.
As Ezra watched, he felt a smile spread across his face. What Kanan had said hadn’t been a joke, not a deliberate one anyway, but it had actually made him laugh, if only because it had taken him by surprise. As jokes went, he had heard worse. He had made worse.
“The first time I said something like that was an accident too,” he said. Kanan knew that of course; he had been there. The second time had been an accident too, and the third. “But then I decided to stop worrying about it. I figured if I could make people laugh, maybe it’d make the whole thing start to feel more normal.”
“Did it work?”
“Nope.”
Kanan nodded like he had expected that answer.
“But at least I’m not beating myself up every time I make a joke anymore,” Ezra added. “Anyway, it still might work, especially if you’re going to do it too now.”
Kanan shook his head. “I’m not…” he began.
“Next time, say something in front of Hera,” Ezra suggested.
Hera in particular never seemed to relax. She was constantly on edge around both Kanan and Ezra in a way that Sabine and Zeb weren’t anymore. She watched Kanan, and sometimes Ezra too, like she was on the verge of helping, ready to spring into action if they needed anything. If Kanan noticed, he didn’t mention it, but to Ezra it felt stifling. Nobody was comfortable with the situation yet, Ezra least of all, but he could sense Hera’s discomfort and that made his own worse. He hadn’t dared to make a joke around her yet, because he didn’t know how she would react.
Without even taking a moment to consider it, Kanan shook his head. “I’m not that crazy,” he told him.
So he had noticed. Ezra shrugged. “I just figured that coming from you, it might be easier for her to handle. She might even laugh. Or at least pretend to.”
If not, at least she would be mad at Kanan and not Ezra. He imagined she would forgive him more easily.
“Maybe Rex,” Kanan mused.
He was right, Rex would be better. He was the only person who had never walked on eggshells around them. He laughed when Ezra made a bad joke and he wasn’t even faking it. “Nah, too easy,” Ezra told him. “Is the label ready?”
Kanan finished the last letter and handed over the finished label. Ezra squinted at it in an attempt to see what was printed there. It was pointless; he already knew that his eyes were no longer capable of making out the tiny colorless bumps that made up the tactile alphabet. He still tried anyway, every time.
He gave up on reading the label visually, and ran the tip of his index finger slowly over the text, taking his time, checking each letter carefully. He frowned. “Uh, Kanan? Doesn’t this one say ‘sugar’?”
“Stop asking me what they say,” Kanan told him. “Start trusting yourself. You know what it says; you just read it.”
“Yeah, and it’s a good thing I did. I asked for one that said ‘jogan tea’.”
Kanan shrugged, apparently unbothered by his mistake. “We need to label the sugar too, don’t we?”
Not anymore, apparently. “Sure, but…” he began.
“I’m making sure you read them,” Kanan told him. “I don’t want you to stick the labels on upside down.” He paused. “Again.”
It had been one time, and he had noticed immediately. Ezra sighed pointedly. “Sure, I’ll just assume I read them right,” he said. “Just don’t blame me the next time you try to make caf and end up with a cup of watery gravy or something instead.”
Kanan laughed. “You wouldn’t do that,” he said.
“Not deliberately, no, but if you keep giving me the wrong labels on purpose…”
Of course, he wasn’t going to do it deliberately. Not only because it would be cruel and pointless, but also because it wouldn’t be long before Ezra needed to use the tactile labels too. He squinted at the sugar jar. Not long at all, judging by how difficult it was getting to make out the aurebesh printed on some of the containers they were labeling today.
That was a frightening thought. He glared at the text on the sugar jar as though it was somehow at fault, then gave in to the slightly vindictive urge to carefully stick the label over the text so that nobody else could read it either. It was a distinctive-looking enough container that he doubted anybody actually needed to read it, but it still made him feel better.
He didn’t mention to Kanan what he had done. Somehow, he doubted that he would approve.
“So, can I have the jogan tea label now?”
Kanan printed and handed over another label, far too short to be what Ezra had asked for. Ezra read the word ‘caf’, rolled his eyes, then stuck it on the correct jar without comment. Kanan waited, obviously expecting Ezra to say something. When he didn’t, Kanan printed another label, longer this time, and handed it over. Ezra checked it, stuck it on the tea, put the box away, and closed the cabinet door.
“That’s everything,” he said. Well, it was everything in that cabinet anyway, and that was all they had planned to do for now. There was still much more to label around the ship, and around the base, but that was a task for another day. “So, wanna do something else?” he asked.
“What did you have in mind?” Kanan’s lips quirked into a smile. “Meditation?”
Ezra made a face. Let Kanan get away with one joke at his expense and he was going to have to put up with them for the rest of his life. “I was thinking of something a bit less boring,” he said. “Did you know the mechanics have set up a racing track for the dokma?”
“Yeah. Rex mentioned it.” Kanan shook his head. “I hear they color-code the dokma so people can tell them apart.”
“Yeah, and we bet for rations and equipment and stuff. Someone even bet a helmet a couple of days ago, but I didn’t win it.”
Kanan nodded. “But I hear they color-code the dokma,” he repeated, a little more slowly. “And then people watch them race down the track.”
“‘Race’ might be a bit too strong a word, they more like… Oh.” He stopped, finally understanding what Kanan was trying to tell him.
“You go ahead,” Kanan told him. “I have plans with Hera tonight anyway.”
He was such an idiot. Of course Kanan wouldn’t be able to watch the race. He had known that. It had just taken him a little longer than it should to realize that a night of standing around not watching five creatures meander around a racing track might not be entertaining for him.
Or, soon, for Ezra.
He slumped against the wall, suddenly feeling very tired. Every day he found something else that he couldn’t do anymore, or thought of something that was going to get harder, or something that he was going to miss. He hated it. He hated everything about it.
Suddenly, he didn’t feel like going to the races anymore.
But he liked the races. He didn’t want to have to give them up. He didn’t want to spend the time he had left to enjoy them wondering how long it would be before he could no longer follow what was happening on the track. Plus, he had a pocket full of ration bars that he had been hoping to turn into a meiloorun for Hera’s birthday.
“Ezra, it’s fine,” Kanan told him. “Go.”
But it wasn’t fine. It already wasn’t fine. “I mixed up two of the colors the other night,” he admitted.
He hadn’t thought anything of it at the time; he had put it down to not paying attention, then forgotten about it when he got swept up in the euphoria of having won the race when he thought he had lost. But that had been the start of it. That had probably been the first of many times that it would happen before he finally gave up and started to rely on others to tell him who had won. It was only going to get worse.
Kanan sighed deeply. He folded his arms and appeared to hesitate before he replied, like he was trying to think of the right thing to say. “Okay,” he said. “So what can you do about that? What would make it easier to tell them apart?”
Nothing. There was nothing he could do. It was only going to get worse.
“Are the colors too similar? Could they be changed? Or, what are the lights like out there? Maybe you could ask the engineers to make them a little brighter.”
Kanan was trying to do for Ezra what they did for Kanan when he ran into a problem; try to find a solution that would solve it. Ezra considered the suggestions. The colors were fine, it was his eyes that were at fault. He would probably have as much difficulty with two other colors as he had with blue and green. The lighting though; it was lit, but it wasn’t great. It could be better. “Maybe,” he said. It would be a temporary fix, but it would work for a time.
But that would only help him, not Kanan.
And after a while, it wouldn’t help him anymore either.
He forced a smile. “Mixing them up worked in my favor though,” he added. “Kinda. I thought I’d lost, then they announced blue was the winner, not green.”
“Great,” Kanan told him. “Leave everything how it is, maybe it’ll happen again.”
Ezra sighed. It would happen again. Asking for better lighting wouldn’t stop that, it would only delay it.
“They always announce which color won, though,” he added. “So maybe the answer is not to look, or not to trust what I see. Just wait for the announcement.”
Kanan frowned and Ezra thought he felt a flicker of sadness through the Force, but he nodded. “It’s certainly going to work better in the long-run,” he agreed.
Not to mention, it didn’t mean asking for any special treatment; he didn’t like doing that.
The races weren’t really races anyway. A race usually involved more than one person or thing trying to get from the start to the finish. The dokma didn’t do that. They didn’t try to get anywhere. They didn’t even know they were supposed to be in a race, so instead of trying to reach the finish line, they meandered in random directions, crossing from one lane to another, or turning around and going the wrong way. Sometimes they stopped completely and went to sleep.
Most people didn’t really watch the race. They were just there to hang out, place bets, and have a drink. The fact that a race was happening nearby didn’t even really matter most of the time.
“It might not be so bad,” he said. “Not being able to see the race, I mean.”
He didn’t need to see to choose a dokma either. It wasn’t possible to tell by looking at them which one would be most likely to wander in the right direction; it was pure luck.
There were things that he would miss, like the end part of the race when people began to notice one of the dokma approaching the finish line. Awareness would spread through the crowd like a ripple, gathering momentum as people realized those around them had shifted their attention to the track, and they too started to watch intently, or shout encouragement. He wouldn’t be a part of that. Not really.
Mostly the shouting didn’t make any difference; the dokma didn’t notice. Apart from one particularly hilarious night when someone screaming loudly at a creature inches from the finish line scared it with his volume and it retreated inside its shell for long enough for another dokma to wander over the line.
It wouldn’t be the same not to see things like that happen, to have to hear about them second hand from someone else. But it would eventually be unavoidable. He would have to get used to it, or stop going, and he didn’t want to stop going.
“It should be fine,” he said, not completely sure whether he was speaking to Kanan or to himself.
He pushed aside a slight flutter of nerves at the thought of what he was about to do. It would be fine. It would be a little frustrating not to be able to see what was happening on the track, but he would get used to that. Being around large crowds with his eyes covered was disorienting, but he had done it before, and it was something else that he was going to have to get used to.
Honestly, the worst part was probably going to be trying to explain to Hobbie and Wedge why he had decided to show up wearing a blindfold.
He reached into his pocket and slowly pulled out the strip of fabric he kept on him for training. He could test it out, see how it went, then he and Kanan could think of a work-around for any unanticipated problems, then try it again.
He tied the blindfold around his face, covering his eyes, then adjusted it until it was as comfortable as he could make it. He took a deep breath to calm himself, marveling at the fact that the rising panic was gone. A few months ago, he couldn’t have done this. He couldn’t even have contemplated it.
It was going to be different when he had no choice, when he wasn’t wearing it and he still couldn't see. In some ways, the blindfold was comforting, its presence a reminder that when he took it off, he would find the world exactly where he had left it.
Through the Force, he could feel Kanan’s surprise as he realized what Ezra was doing.
“You don’t have to do that now,” he said.
But he did have to. If not now — if not before he needed it — then after, when he did. And it was going to be so much worse then.
“I know,” he said. “I’ll let you know how it went tomorrow.”
He headed for the door, and out into the base, leaving Kanan behind him.
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What The Mandalorian Means for Ahsoka Tano’s Future in Star Wars
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Despite never appearing in the flesh in any of the movies, former Jedi padawan Ahsoka Tano is undoubtedly one of the most popular characters in Star Wars. A hero in every sense of the word, Ahsoka’s journey spans almost the entire film saga, just in animated form.
First introduced as Anakin Skywalker’s apprentice in The Clone Wars animated series, Ahsoka quickly became one of the main protagonists of the series, as we watched her grow as both a Jedi and a commander who led clone forces for the Republic. And even though her time with the Jedi came to an end before Order 66, when she chose to walk away from the Order in search of her own path, she continued to fight for others.
In Rebels, she became the spy known as “Fulcrum,” helping the fledgling Rebellion in its struggle to topple the Empire. It was during this time that she also faced Darth Vader on an ancient Sith planet called Malachor and learned the truth about the fate of her former master. But the revelation did not break her, even as her duel with Vader left her stranded on Malachor.
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Ahsoka’s live action debut in The Mandalorian, played by Rosario Dawson, marks another major step in her journey. No longer someone trying to find her place in the galaxy or with the Jedi, she now uses her powers to help those who need it. And as Magistrate Morgan Elsbeth learns in the “The Jedi,” nothing will stop Ahsoka from seeking justice.
“She is, for lack of a term, a master, because she’s largely an independent at this point,” The Clone Wars and Rebels showrunner Dave Filoni, who is also an executive producer on The Mandalorian, told Vanity Fair. “I play her much more as a knowledgeable knight. A wandering samurai character is what she really is at this point. I’ve always made comparisons to her heading toward the Gandalf stage, where she is the one that has the knowledge of the world and can help others through it. I think she’s reached that point.”
But if you followed Ahsoka’s journey from the animated series to The Mandalorian, you probably noticed that there are still some gaps in her story. How did Ahsoka escape Malachor and show up on Corvus so many years later? And how was she able to speak to Rey in The Rise of Skywalker? Most importantly, what does “The Jedi” tell us about Ahsoka’s future?
How Is Ahsoka Tano Alive in The Mandalorian?
While we know Ahsoka Tano reappeared in the very final scene of Rebels, reuniting with Mandalorian hero Sabine Wren on Lothal before setting out in search of Ezra Bridger, who went missing after being launched into hyperspace while fighting Grand Admiral Thrawn in space, we don’t really know how Ahsoka escaped Malachor in the first place.
For those of you who don’t remember (or didn’t watch Rebels, which shame on you), Ahsoka stayed behind to duel Vader inside the Sith temple on Malachor while the rest of the heroes escaped in the season 2 episode “Twilight of the Apprentice.” For almost two seasons after that, Ahsoka’s fate was unclear, with some believing that the fan-favorite character had met her end at the hands of her master.
But season 4 episode “A World Between Worlds” revealed the truth. In the episode, Ezra gains access to a mystical realm containing portals to different points in time and space. It’s through one of these portals that Ezra is able to pull Ahsoka out of Malachor, just as Vader is about to land a killing blow with his lightsaber.
For a moment, it seems as if Ahsoka has found a way off Malachor. But when Emperor Palpatine senses the world between worlds through the Force and tries to gain access to it, Ezra and Malachor are separated while trying to stop the Sith lord. In the process, Ahsoka is forced to jump back through the portal to Malachor. She then walks back into the Sith temple to an uncertain future.
That’s the last we see of her on screen until she reunites with Sabine in the epilogue of the Rebels series finale “Family Reunion – and Farewell,” which takes place a year after Return of the Jedi. “The Jedi” reveals that Ahsoka is still searching for Ezra four years later, but doesn’t shed light on the sequence of events that led her from Malachor to Lothal and then Corvus.
The best answer we have comes from an unlikely source: the Star Wars Card Trader mobile trading card game from Topps. A series of Ahsoka cards designed by Filoni himself reveals that Ahsoka found another portal within the Sith temple on Malachor that led her back into the world between worlds and “on a spiritual journey that changed the course of her life,” according to Wookieepedia. That’s a pretty vague answer to a very big gap in Ahsoka’s story, but since Filoni designed these cards, they must be canon, right?
The good news is that Ahsoka’s escape from the planet means that we’ll hopefully get to watch many more of her adventures on The Mandalorian as an older and wiser hero.
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What Is Togruta Life Expectancy?
Just how old Ahsoka is when she appears in The Mandalorian? According to Wookieepedia, Ahsoka was born in 36 BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin). Since The Mandalorian takes place in five years after Return of the Jedi in 9 ABY (After the Battle of Yavin), this means that Ahsoka is around 45 years old in “The Jedi,” leaving plenty more years of adventuring ahead of her.
Barring an illness or any of the usual hazards that come with fighting bad guys in the galaxy far, far away, just how many years does Ahsoka have left? While there’s no canon answer when it comes to Togruta life expectancy, the old Legends continuity did state that Togruta could live up to 94 years, a pretty long lifespan when you consider that real-world human life expectancy is about 72 years. Of course, this pales in comparison to the lifespan of Yoda’s species, who can live for centuries.
Regardless of whether the life expectancy of Togruta is the same in the Disney canon, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Beloved Star Wars characters rarely die of natural causes, which brings us to a big question about Ahsoka’s future: how is her journey fated to end?
How Did Ahsoka Tano Die?
Even if she’s not physically in the movie, Ahsoka’s presence is felt in The Rise of Skywalker when she speaks to Rey through the Force during the film’s climactic battle with Palpatine. She can be heard saying, “Rey!” when the young hero reaches out to the generations of Jedi before her to give her the strength to defeat the Sith once and for all. Although it’s just as likely that her inclusion in this scene is simply a wink at the Star Wars fans who love the character, Ahsoka’s single line in The Rise of Skywalker has led some to wonder whether this means she died prior to the events of the Sequel Trilogy.
There is some “evidence” that this might be the case, primarily the fact that the other Jedi who speak to Rey in The Rise of Skywalker — Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Mace Windu, Yoda, Qui-Gon Jinn, Luminara Unduli, Aayla Secura, Kanan Jarrus, and Adi Gallia — are all dead. But the difference is that we’ve witnessed the deaths of all of these other characters, whether it be in the films, the TV series, or in the pages of the books and comics. (While we don’t see how Master Unduli died, her death was confirmed in Rebels.)
Ahsoka’s fate, on the other hand, is not written in stone. As far as we know, Ahsoka could have lived decades beyond The Mandalorian, and Filoni even suggested after the release of the film that, just because Rey could hear her voice on Exegol, that didn’t mean Ahsoka was necessarily dead.
Was thinking of all of you this fine morning, Happy Holidays! – Dave pic.twitter.com/WpD0kKMbfk
— Dave Filoni (@dave_filoni) December 25, 2019
Filoni went as far as to tell io9 that the movie “doesn’t really have any big implications to what I’m doing with the character, to be honest. I just thought it was a really fun thing. I thought J.J. [Abrams]’s instinct to be so inclusive with all these various elements of Star Wars and characters [was great]. And I thought it would be a great thing for the actors involved to be a part of something that was just really this celebrating moment of the Star Wars saga. So I didn’t think of it in a literal story [way]. The film, to me, is like a different area.”
In other words, Ahsoka’s cameo in The Rise of Skywalker could be nothing more than just a wink at fans. Certainly, Ahsoka’s story in “The Jedi” suggests that she has plenty more to do. Next on her list is finding Grand Admiral Thrawn, who could lead him to where Ezra is.
Will Ahsoka Be in The Mandalorian Again?
In many ways, and this is pure speculation, “The Jedi” plays like a backdoor pilot, setting up what could be Ahsoka’s own standalone series on Disney+. The episode introduces just enough of Ahsoka’s own mission without giving much of it away. By the end of the episode, we know that Ahsoka’s on her way to find Thrawn, a confrontation so many years in the making that it seems too big (and distracting) to happen on The Mandalorian.
But even if Ahsoka were to get her own series, that doesn’t mean she would never cross paths with Mando and Grogu again. Since Disney bought the Star Wars franchise in 2012, the studio has been working to build a shared universe of stories on screen that communicate with each other and share characters from one property to the next — just like the Marvel Cinematic Universe. In the same way that The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and WandaVision are meant to tie into the upcoming Marvel movies, The Mandalorian and a potential Ahsoka series (and the rumored Boba Fett spinoff) could be set up to interact with each other, too.
In fact, “The Jedi” has left the door open for Ahsoka to appear in future The Mandalorian episodes, even as she searches for Thrawn in her own series. She’s already played a pivotal role in Mando and Grogu’s own journey, not only helping the bounty hunter learn his little companion’s real name but also revealing Grogu’s tragic history. Unable to fully understand the child or the way of the Jedi, Mando has needed people to show him the way throughout his quest, and Ahsoka could prove to be the perfect guide and mentor for the duo when it comes to the mysteries of the Force, even if she won’t outright train Grogu as an apprentice. As Filoni said of Ahsoka’s resemblance to Gandalf: “She is the one that has the knowledge of the world and can help others through it.”
Will Ahsoka Meet Luke Skywalker?
In “The Jedi,” Ahsoka points Mando and Grogu to Tython, a mysterious planet powerful in the Force that could be the birthplace of the Jedi Order. There, Grogu must decide whether to reach out with the Force to another Jedi or stay with Mando.
“If he reaches out through the Force, there’s a chance a Jedi may sense his presence and come searching for him,” Ahsoka tells Mando. “Then again, there aren’t many Jedi left.”
Fans’ ears likely perked up at this line of dialogue since we all know of at least one other Jedi operating in the galaxy five years after Return of the Jedi: Luke Skywalker himself. Is the show hinting that Luke will make an appearance on the show to take Grogu in as his student? That seems unlikely since Mando and Grogu are the emotional core of the series, but Ahsoka’s acknowledgement that there are other active Jedi in the galaxy could mean that she’s aware that Luke is out there.
Could this mean that Ahsoka has already met Luke or is poised to meet him in the future? Either way, their meeting seems inevitable. In fact, an Ahsoka and Luke story would provide the rhyming poetry that Star Wars so often deploys: Anakin’s old apprentice finds Anakin’s son years after Vader’s death and helps him learn something new about the Force or the Jedi. Ahsoka could guide Luke in ways that Anakin could not, while she could learn more about her master’s ultimate sacrifice for his son.
The only issue, of course, is that Mark Hamill is much older than Luke would be five years after Return of the Jedi, which means that a potential meeting with Ahsoka would likely involve some heavy CGI to de-age Hamill or a recast of Luke. Unless Ahsoka doesn’t meet Luke until much later in his life, it might be time to ring up Sebastian Stan.
Keep up with all of The Mandalorian season 2 news here.
The post What The Mandalorian Means for Ahsoka Tano’s Future in Star Wars appeared first on Den of Geek.
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Sabine may not be the warrior to unite Mandalore yet, but she will be
I will literally fight, her character development is pointing in this direction and it’s all I care about
We’ve only seen her past in fragments that she drops in moments of emotional upheaval; despite her natural exuberance and how expressive she is in her art, she plays things very close to the chest. Even Kanan didn’t seem to know the whole story of her past, or at least the depths to which it affected her.
As far as I’ve seen, Rebels is a story about growth. The rebellion is in its infancy, and we follow the Ghost crew as they and others make connections with other rebel cells or pirate starships or generally do the organizing that will eventually bring down the empire, but they aren’t there yet. No one is. Hope is still metamorphosing, on Tatooine, on Alderaan, on Chopper Base and in a million little hidey-holes throughout the galaxy. Everyone is still growing. No one is who they need to be to defeat the empire soundly. Not yet.
Sabine is still growing as a person too. She feels disconnected from her Mandalorian roots in some sense, though she uses the starbird as her tag and still wears the armor. It’s a conscious choice to feel her own exile as strongly as possible, to exert some control over her circumstances, and to hold on to the last part of her family that can’t really abandon her, some shred of identity while she fled and built a new life for herself. Her Mandalorian training provided a strong foundation for the rebel she would become.
Its likely that being forced to design a weapon, the details and circumstances of which are still unclear, made her feel some sort of disconnect with her personhood as well. She chaffed against rigid imperial rule, she lived in an occupied society, and her labor was being used to support that occupation. Imperial requirements of compliance and conformity being what they were, she might have felt even her personality was slipping away, buried in whatever the empire was forcing her to become.
What struck me about this episode was how Sabine was a deliberate splash of color against the cold landscape and the people who inhabited it. Clan Wren seems to have a very muted aesthetic - the emblems are the same, but there’s hardly any color there. Sabine’s mother is the exception, but the gold in her armor is an accent, and darker, dull. Sabine’s armor is splattered with color, right down to her gloves, and all of it is bright and loud.
Sabine’s brother takes this to an extreme, though unwillingly. Instead of wearing his house emblems, he wears the armor of imperial super commandos, enforcing the conformity encouraged by the empire. His is the fate that Sabine would have faced had she remained with her family or continued to serve the empire. Her colorful armor, her non-regulation hair, her quick wit and her compassion buried under mass-produced plates.
Sabine had to leave, not just her family but her cultural sphere, in order to survive both physically and emotionally. She had to leave, and learn to grow somewhere else, had to heal somewhere else before she could return to her home and her people.
Mandalore is suffering; it has been since before the clone wars and will continue to do so without revolution. Their warrior ethos is central to their culture, but it had killed their planet and nearly killed them. But identity is powerful and important, and they weren’t able to let it go. The political manuverings of outsiders and greed both within and without destroyed any hope of transformation or synthesis and the wounds remain raw.
If Mandalore is going to survive, it needs something new to grow from within.
Sabine, who hasn’t forgotten Mandalore’s traditions, who carries her culture as literal armor, whose art has revolutionary inspirations melded with historical symbols - she can be the necessary change. Or she can inspire it.
Sabine’s mother has said several interesting things concerning the darksaber and how it is used to determine succession. First she implied that Sabine couldn’t be its true master without having defeated Maul, and underlined again the danger of possessing it at all. Then she simply tossed it to Gar Saxon like a common blaster and not the most powerful symbol in Mandalorian culture.
Ursa Wren is framed immediately as a political creature, so she could have any number of reasons for acting as she did. Its likely that her conversation with Sabine was meant to scare her daughter off of a dangerous course. Ursa is making an attempt to hold together the political power of a clan that is absolutely hemoraging influence. Power is strength on Mandalore, and strength is safety, which seems to be in short supply for her family, with a daughter branded a traitor and on the run, a political hostage husband, and a military hostage son.
She may have even been mostly telling the truth, believing she was saving her daughter by giving up the Darksaber without providing Saxon any meaningful victory. If the Darksaber really is meaningless without having defeated its previous holder in combat, then Saxon won’t be any more powerful that he already was - which, as a governor and military leader, was an already substantial amount.
But in Legacy of Mandalore, Sabine does defeat the weilder of the Darksaber - she stands over a defeated Saxon in a deliberate visual echo of Anakin standing over a defeated Count Dooku, two lightsabers held crossed beneath the enemy’s chin. She didn’t kill Saxon though that would have been permitted or even expected in a struggle for the Darksaber (and subsequently gave me my most recent heart attack since the end of mag7), but it was clear that she absolutely crushed him. With the Force Suite playing in the background through parts of the battle, I feel like there are some implications we can explore.
Sabine had, by the end of the episode, decided to stay with her family. This will be a difficult transition for her, not only reliving old traumas but also doing so without the support of her found family among the ghost crew. Hera and Kanan seemed much more concerned about her mental and emotional wellbeing than her biological family, who are clearly in survival mode themselves. She believes her place is with her clan, doing what she can to find whoever is meant to unite Mandalore and free it from the empire. She doesn’t believe that person is her.
As I said early on in this ramble, Rebels is a story about growth. In the beginning of the series, Sabine wouldn’t have been able to unite anyone. She was still hurting, though in a way that we the viewers could not always perceive. But we did see her heal an old friendship, develop new ones, and secure powerful allies for the fledgling rebellion. Now she’s functionally rescued her clan for the moment, soundly defeating the hand-picked imperial lapdog (though mom helped). She has the respect again of her clan. Her exile is at an end, though it has changed her. She’s a warrior in her own right, not just a troublemaker on the run. So what would it take for her to unite Mandalore?
She has to symbolically and publicly win the Darksaber. Again.
She could do this by defeating Maul, though he’s probably one of the most dangerous people in the universe and going after him without the force is foolish and probably deadly. But it would be poetic and I want to see someone put him in his place. His dance with Obi Wan never seems to go anywhere, and it’s time for someone else to step in and End It.
She could also fight Thrawn. There’s symmetry there - artist kills art critic - and Thrawn is a likely candidate for putting down rebellious Mandalorians before they can become A Problem. But he would have to be visibly in charge and impacting the lives of Mandalorians in a meaningful way for it to make any sense.
What I think is likely to happen is that Sabine will start stepping up and organizing. She’ll use what she learned about putting together a rebellion and whip the Clans into shape to get the empire out of Mandalorian space. She’ll be so busy leading her own rebellion that she won’t notice that she’s . . . actually the leader. She’ll grow into the role. She’ll make mistakes, but she’ll get there. And the empire, stuck fighting two rebellions united by legendary legacy swords, will be too distracted to put out all the fires.
Sabine is going to wield the Darksaber by right, not default
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Crazy Star Wars Theory Time - Tar Viszla and the Edgiest Saber
So to sum this post up, Tarre Viszla is the retconned Tor Viszla, or part of a larger origin story for two differing ideologies among Mandalorians. And his saber is proof that crystals are a lot smarter than we give them credit for in SW. Here we go. SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY. So Tarre Viszla was announced in Rebels as the first and possibly only Mandalorian Jedi in the history of the order, who befitting his status created a unique lightsaber that his descendants would later steal and use as a rallying symbol for the clans after his death. Now to deviate for a moment, Tor Viszla was the foil to the heroic Jaster Mereel of SW Legends lore, the antithesis of everything honorable about a Mandalorian. Tor was the creator of the Death Watch, a group that he felt honored the old ways of the Mandalorians from their warring and raiding days,while Jaster was a firm believer in the honorable ideals of his people, fitting his status as a Protector and eventual mentor of iconic Mandalorian (now a supposed pretender), Jango Fett. Now this is where things get tricky. So we know from Mando'a that the word Tor means justice, and the color for justice in Mandalorian culture is Black. What color is the Darksaber? Black. Let's take it a step further. Let's assume for a moment that Tor and Tarre exist along the same timeline, and that Tor was the descendant who claimed the blade from its resting place in the Temple, a callback to his name. It would make sense that perhaps Tor didn't have the full story about his father or ancestor and simply saw him as a wayward mandalorian who created a weapon worthy of his people's fealty. And obviously no one but the Jedi would have the full story considering they kept his saber locked away after his death, which suggests he was either buried in the temple in honor or that they kept his discovery under lock and key because of how it could be used. Switching lanes for a moment here, let's examine the colors of lightsabers, now that we know that all kyber crystals are white until they tune to their users alignment with the Force and possible motivation. In our world color mixing has a few rules but when it regards black and white it gets interesting. White is all lights combined, but is the absence of color (in paint). Black is all colors (in paint) combined, but is the absence of light. We know that Red sabers come from forcing the darkside into a crystal and thus making it bleed, and we know that the most common colors were Blue and Green, which if their users are any indication, Blue was more for physical Jedi (ex - Young Obi, Anakin, Ezra's first blade, etc) while Green was reserved for those more mental in focus (ex - Qui-Gon, Yoda, Luke's actual lightsaber) We also know that white sabers can only come from purifying crystals but can also signify ones search for balance in the Force, such as Ahsoka who no longer saw herself as a Jedi, but clung to the light even while walking alone. Her experience on Mortis with the darkside, though removed from her memories, left her touched, as the Convor is proof of, and her choice to follow the light beyond the boundaries of the order all play into her saber colors being white when she makes her second set. Touching more on this color theory for a second, Mace attuned his crystal to purple which in Legends can be attributed to either side, and if color blending is to be trusted, is a balance of Red and Blue, which fits his physical saber style that draws from the darkness to serve the light (red into blue) rather than seeking a balance like Ahsoka's which would cause her to negate the darkness in the crystal with her innate light. Going a step further, while Yellow is a primary color, it isn't a principle saber color, meaning we'd have to cross red and green to get there and if what we know of yellow saber users in either canon is true, it is either the natural state of the crystal/saber, or an indication of a user seeking to defend the light with a passion that toes the line. We have Bastila who is more mental in her focus of the Force, but is easily turned dark due to her passion for both the order and Revan being used against her by Malak, we have the Temple guardians, one of whom fell to darkness and became the Grand Inquisitor due to unknown circumstances, only to be redeemed by Kanan which is confirmed from beyond the grave when he knights him later on. So by now we know that crystals can be tuned to a different color if taken by a user from opposing ends of the spectrum, but typically only end up as white or possibly yellow, as purple was a rare case. Going back to Viszla, it is possible to surmise that in his forming of a lightsaber he may have sought to balance his heritage with his teachings, or sought to combine his knowledge of weapon making from his people with his knowledge of the Force. I like to suggest that he crafted the Darksaber using beskar in some portion to act as a focusing element for the crystal, which would explain it's sharp katana like shape and possibly its cracked appearance on the blade. But also going on what we know of colors, in that white is the presence of light but the absence of color and black is the absence of light but the presence of all colors, and that in lightsaber color mixing, hues can show alignment to a side or an ideology, where Ahsokas white sabers are a reflection of her pure light nature but the rejection of any ideology but her own, Tarre's could have been an acknowledgment of his combination of all martial styles on either side, but an absence of light for the most part. Now this gets even more complicated considering that he was a Jedi who did not fall to the darkside according to records, but could've left the order at some point, or possibly left and was taken down with the official records altered to hide his discovery. Whatever the case, let's assume that Tarre was honorable because the Jedi kept his blade, but not only that, but because of the presence of white light on his dark blade. You're probably thinking, well it needs a white outline to make it visible, so that's a technicality, and that's right, from a certain point of view. But let's assume that the darksaber is designed much like a black hole, and that it feeds on the pure Force presence in all beings, regardless of sensitivity or not. The white streaks are an indication that this crystal was not made to bleed, but instead it was created as an anti Jedi countermeasure from within the order. It would fit the idea that Mandalorian technology is perpetuated by a need to overcome the Force, even in the hands of one who could wield it, and that a sentient crystal could sense the purpose of a young Jedi from a culture opposed to the Force simply because of circumstance. It is no coincidence then that the color of a saber this unique would be Black, the color of justice in his own culture, potentially meant to be used by anyone willing to train to use it effectively, to level the playing field against the Force users warring over balance in the galaxy. Back to the name. and this part is pure my idea on the subject. This was easy simply because, Tor and Tarre are very similar sounding and initially many sites wrote Tarre as just Tar. I'm certain that Filoni in his research of existing mandalorian canon before the EU purge saw the name of the leader of the Death Watch and saw an opportunity to take that name and give it a greater purpose. Like rewriting it and attaching it to a Mandalorian Jedi who could've found out the truth of who he was when the war against his own people was in full swing, causing him to abandon the order long enough to learn the truth about both sides, only to return to battle to stop the war on the side of the Jedi but possibly at the cost of his own life, creating a legend among his own people of his blade, worthy to be wielded by one destined to lead Mandalore in its revenge against the Jedi. I mean if you're going to try and canonize KOTOR without Revan, why not just kill two birds with one stone. Give Revan a new name and angle for leaving the order that removes the godhood but keeps the mythic nature of that eras hero in a new form. Also explains a Jedi in a Mandalorian mask. And if you wanna take it a step further, let's look at the legacy of the Viszla clan, always a step away from leadership, but always in the business of creating weapons for the advancement of their people, whether they be literal (Tarre and Sabine) or ideological, like the Death Watch (as founded by Tor* and led by Pre Viszla) yet always having these weapons used against them. It creates a scenario where Sabine inheriting the Darksaber but finally using it to unite her people and give it to a rightful heir that can strike back at the darkside of the Force, attaining justice for all Mandalorians, is the fulfilment of a larger legacy, something that SW is big on. And for extra kicks, if the darksaber eventually ends up in the hands of a certain Fett, whose father is considered a false Mandalorian, and he becomes Mandalore, it brings the EU story of Jango to a vindication point, where a semi factual origin story frames the struggle between honor and pride in a warrior race capable enough without the Force to challenge the Jedi and Sith. So yeah, that's my crazy idea, and hopefully if I'm right, we can all look at this as a moment when an outsider called it on the nose. Or we can laugh at the silly fan fiction when I'm wrong. Either way that's the beauty of SW. So much lore not enough budget or time to do it all. Color Theory comes from Reddit user AndreLoga General Theory of Lightsaber Color https://www.reddit.com/r/starwarsspeculation/comments/5vu0g1/general_theory_of_lightsaber_color/?ref=search_posts
#tar vizsla#star wars#darksaber#Jedi#Sith#Revan#mandalorian wars#mandalorian#Sabine#sabine wren#clan Wren#house Viszla#fenn rau#protectors of concord Dawn#concord Dawn#star wars rebels#star wars clone wars#star wars theory#sw theories#star wars theories#star wars spoilers
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Star Wars Rebels fanfic - Hypotheticals
Part of the Little By Little AU
(Thank you to @lessattitudemorealtitude for talking through titles with me)
Three quiet taps on the door of Sabine’s quarters interrupted her creative flow mid-spray of her paint can. She finished the line she had been painting, then reluctantly tore her eyes away from her wall and lowered the can. She waited, finger still poised to press the valve. If it was important, they would knock again.
Nothing happened. Five seconds passed. Ten. She took a breath. Twenty seconds, still no second knock. That was long enough. She looked critically at the painting, raised the spray-can and aimed it, then lowered it again.
Whoever it was either didn’t know she was in, in which case they would assume she was somewhere else and waste time trying to find her, or they did know she was there, and they knew she was ignoring them.
Either way, she was going to have to answer.
With a frustrated sigh, she tossed the spray can onto her bed where it hit another that she had left there earlier. She opened the door.
There was nobody there.
Puzzled, she stepped through and looked left and then right, just in time to see Ezra’s retreating form walking slowly away from her door.
“Ezra?” she called after him.
He froze in place mid-step, then turned slowly. As he did, a nervous grin spread across his face. He raised a hand and brushed it through his hair. “Oh, uh… hey Sabine. How’s it going?”
She frowned. Apparently whatever he had wanted wasn’t urgent then. “Fine,” she told him. A questioning tone slid into the word, but Ezra either didn’t notice, or chose to ignore it.
He rubbed the back of his neck distractedly. “Great,” he said. “So, uh… what’s up?”
Sabine looked him up and down, trying to work out what was happening. He was acting as though he hadn’t just knocked on her door, and meeting her here was a total surprise. There was nobody else around, so it must have been him that knocked. That meant that unless he had decided it would be funny to knock and run — and if so he was incredibly bad at the game because she had given him ample time to flee — he had wanted to talk to her.
“Not much,” she replied. “How about you? Did you need something?”
Ezra looked thoughtful for a moment, like he was mulling over his options. He glanced behind him, in the direction he had been walking when she had stopped him, then to her again. Finally, he made a decision, and strode back toward her. “Mind if I..?” he said, indicating the door to her quarters.
Sabine shrugged and walked back through, Ezra followed her.
As the door closed behind him, he folded his arms and went to lean against the wall. The freshly painted wall, still glistening with wet paint.
“Hey, watch it!” she shouted, anticipating the disaster a fraction of a second before he ruined both her work and his clothing.
He flinched in surprise at the unexpected outburst, but it stopped him. He turned and saw her unfinished art on the wall. “Oh. Sorry.” He looked again, appreciatively this time. “Were you working on this just now?”
“Yeah, trying to,” she said, and winced at the impatience she heard in her own voice. It hadn’t been intentional, and she definitely hadn’t been trying to make him feel unwelcome. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “It’s just, it’s not finished. You know I don’t like people seeing them before they’re done.
“Right.” Ezra averted his gaze from the half-finished design on the wall and continued not to speak.
Sabine folded her arms and gave him a moment to say something. He remained silent.
“Not that it isn’t great to have you here Ezra, but was there anything you needed, or…”
“Yeah, I uh…” He glanced around the room, selected another patch of wall, one that was also painted but long-since dried, and leaned against that instead. There was something awkward about the way he was standing. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was, but there was something wrong. He was being too careful; almost as though he was trying to make it look casual. The result — exaggerated nonchalance to the point where it was almost funny — probably wasn’t exactly what he was going for.
She waited.
“So…” he said after a few moments of silence. “Here’s something I was just thinking about.” He adjusted his leaning position to something that looked marginally more comfortable. “What would you do if you couldn’t fight the Empire?”
She blinked. That… wasn’t the question she had been expecting. “If I couldn’t… what do you mean? Like if they defeated us? I’d be dead, Ezra. We all would.”
“No. Like if…” Ezra scrubbed at his face with his fingers and shook his head. “Like if you couldn’t for another reason. If… if all the weapons in the galaxy stopped working or something, so you had to do something else. Then what would you do?”
This had to have something to do with his sight. She couldn’t figure out exactly what yet, but it was the only explanation that made any sense. Something to do with him feeling that he couldn’t fight anymore. “You can still fight the Empire, Ezra,” she assured him. “Just give it a little time.”
He tensed noticeably, and she knew that she had been right. Realizing that he had given himself away, he made a visible effort to relax and continued to lean awkwar… casually… against the wall. He waved a hand through the air as though he was brushing away her words.
“Yeah, I know I can,” he told her. “This isn’t about that. I just want to know what you’d do. Just, y’know, out of interest.”
He was lying. And he wasn’t even lying well.
“You want to know what I’d do if all the weapons in the galaxy stopped working?” she asked.
He nodded. “But the Empire is still there, you just can’t fight it.”
Sabine’s mind was already working through the various possible consequences of the hypothetical scenario Ezra had presented her with, and if that was really what he wanted to talk to her about, she had plenty of answers she could give him. She just wasn’t sure how useful they were going to be.
“Okay,” she told him. “First, I would still be able to fight them; I don’t need weapons to fight. Especially if the other side isn’t armed either. I’m assuming ‘all the weapons in the galaxy’, means the Empire doesn’t have any either, right?”
Ezra frowned. “Oh. Yeah, I guess not.”
“If the Empire didn’t have weapons, they wouldn’t be much of a problem anymore. The only reason they manage to hold onto power is that they have the firepower to keep people in line. Take away their weapons and we win, whether we’re armed or not.”
“They still have Stormtroopers and Inquisitors, and… other things.” He shivered slightly, almost imperceptibly, at whatever thought or memory had struck him.
“We have powerful people too,” she told him. “Come on, what’s this really about, Ezra?”
He shrugged. “Nothing. Just making conversation. Humor me, okay?”
She was humoring him. But if he wanted to keep going with this, she had more. “Fine. If nobody had any weapons, the Rebellion would actually have more chance of beating the Empire,” she said. “Plenty of people are trained in hand-to-hand combat, and I don’t just mean Mandalorians. Plus I bet most Stormtroopers don’t get that kind of training, because the first thing the Empire does is stuff their recruits into bulky armor and hand them a blaster.”
Ezra nodded. “True, I guess.”
“Defections from the Empire would probably go up too,” she said.
“Yeah, that makes sense. People don’t leave because they’re worried about what the Empire will do to them and their families.”
Taking away the Empire’s weapons wouldn’t neutralize the threat, of course, but it would make it easier to get people out before the Empire got to them. “All this adds up to a weaker Empire. Forget not being able to fight them, we’d probably defeat them by the end of the month.”
“Okay.” Ezra shifted his weight to the other foot, still leaning against the wall, but standing much more normally now, like he had forgotten about his attempt at nonchalance. “You seem to have a weirdly huge number of ideas about this. Have you thought about it before?”
She shook her head. They had occasionally done thought exercises like this when she had been at the Academy, but the themes had been vastly different. “Nope,” she told him. “I’m just smart. Oh, and ‘weapons’ doesn’t just mean blasters and lightsabers. Even if they did all stop working, there’d be nothing to stop people reverting to swords or bows and arrows. Even a tree branch or something could be a weapon if you knew how to use it. Which I do, by the way.”
Ezra frowned thoughtfully. He stepped away from the wall, hesitated, then leaned again. “Okay all good points. But what I meant was more like what would you…” he paused. “Okay, try this instead. The weapons stop working, everyone rises up and we kick the Empire’s butts out into Wild Space or something. They’re not a threat anymore. What would you do then? Just around the base.”
“So… in peacetime?”
He nodded.
What he was really asking was what she would be doing with herself if she was in his position. Not necessarily exactly his position, but unable to contribute to the war effort, however temporarily. He didn’t need to think about that. He was going to be back on duty before he knew it.
“You do realize that if we defeated the Empire we wouldn’t need a base anymore, don’t you?”
He pressed his lips together. “Sabine…” he said. There was an almost pleading note in his voice that she didn’t like.
She wanted to help, but she didn’t have an answer for him. Not one that he would be able to use, anyway. What she might to if and when they won the fight against the Empire was not relevant to his situation now. She hesitated, torn between answering his question honestly; what would she do if the war was over, and answering the question he was really asking; what should he do, now?
“We wouldn’t be on the base,” she said. “We’d be back on the Ghost, doing what we always used to do before we were here, minus attacks on the Empire. But if I did end up staying here, I guess I’d have more free time, so I’d be able to work on my art. It’d be a good idea to work on my hand-to-hand skills too, I guess. I mean, I’m good, but if the weapons aren’t working and can’t be fixed, I’d want to be the best I could. Just because there’s no Empire and no weapons doesn’t mean there won’t be people who want to fight.”
“I guess,” Ezra said. He looked agitated. What she was saying wasn’t helping him. Of course, she still wasn’t clear on exactly what he wanted help with.
“What about you?” she asked. “What would you do?”
He shrugged and this time slumped rather than leaned against the wall, no longer looking awkward but simply defeated. “I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“Ezra…” she began, but stopped. That was honesty at last, but she didn’t know what to do with it. She didn’t know what he needed from her. Nothing about this conversation made any sense; it was like she was missing a piece of a puzzle, some vital piece of information that would make everything click into place. Why was Ezra suddenly talking, however cryptically, about doing something other than his usual role within the Rebellion?
“Has someone said something to you?” she asked.
People had said things about Kanan.
In the months that followed Kanan and Ezra’s return from Malachor, it had taken time for Kanan to recover and to learn the skills he had needed — skills that he was now trying to pass on to Ezra. For months, he had been distant as he had tried and failed to cope with the sudden and permanent loss of his sight. This time had coincided with their first few months on the base, getting things up and running, and beginning to bring in new people. People that they didn’t know, and that didn’t know them.
Some of those people had had opinions about someone living on the base, but not appearing to contribute to the fight. Some of those people had been stupid enough to voice those opinions where Sabine could hear them.
They had only made that mistake once.
Ezra hadn’t answered her question. If anybody had said anything like that to him, she was going to hurt them.
“Ezra,” she said, more firmly this time. “Has anyone said anything? Anything like they sai…” She hesitated. She didn’t know whether Ezra knew about that, and if he didn’t, she didn’t want to bring it up. Especially not now.
“Like they said about Kanan?” Ezra shook his head. “No.”
So he knew. She wished he didn’t.
“I’m the one that said something,” he continued. “To Hera, I mean. She agreed with me — well, she kind of agreed with me — but that’s all that happened.” He paused and his lips twitched into a hint of a smile. “Please don't punch anybody.”
It was only then that Sabine realized her hands were clenched into fists. With effort, she relaxed them and lay them flat on the table in front of her. “What do you mean? What did you say to Hera?”
He folded his arms tightly. “You knew then,” he said instead of a reply. “About Kanan; what people were saying?”
Sabine winced. New people had been arriving daily back then. They were people who weren’t a part of the family, people who had never seen Kanan in action. People who knew him only as a blind man that the Rebellion was supporting; someone who even after he was as recovered as he was going to get, persisted in spending his days in quiet meditation. That didn’t excuse what she had overheard someone say.
“It only happened once when I was around,” she said. “They learned not to say it again.”
Ezra gave another small smile. “Same,” he told her.
“You’re sure nobody said anything to you?” she asked.
“I’m sure, Sabine. But if they had, I could deal with it myself.”
Of course he could. Whether or not he would was another question. Ezra was more than capable of looking after himself, but he was also fragile when it came to the issue of his sight. He seemed to have been doing marginally better recently, but an overheard comment like that could easily set him back.
“So what’s going on then?” she asked. “Really?”
“Nothing.”
She glared at him. If he thought he was going to get away with that…
Ezra sighed deeply and tore his eyes away from the painting on the wall. He crossed the room in a few steps and sat down opposite her. “I mean it,” he said. “Literally nothing. I’m bored. I need something to do.”
She could understand that. She had been feeling it herself. It had been weeks since her last off-world mission, and she was itching for something interesting to do. It had to be so much worse for Ezra, because he didn’t have the next mission to look forward to. Until Hera and Sato approved him for duty again, he was essentially trapped here with nothing to do but think about, and plan for, the future.
Forget being bored; that would be enough to drive someone crazy.
“So you asked Hera for a job,” she said.
He nodded. “I asked to go on the general duty roster.”
Sabine winced at the idea. “Really? You want to do droid work?”
“It’s not droi… well okay, it is on some worlds, but we don’t have a droid for every job so around here it’s people work.”
Okay, he had a point there. “But I thought you wanted to be less bored, not more. You really think spending your days picking up trash is going to make things better?”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much what Hera said too. I mean, she didn’t put it like that, but she thinks I should pick a real job.”
“Good.”
Ezra didn’t respond.
“Isn’t it?”
He shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “Sure. I guess. She wants me to think of something I can do.”
And suddenly the conversation earlier made a lot more sense. “And you’re trying to get ideas by asking people what they’d do. You’d probably have better luck if you asked them what they think you should do.”
“Yeah, I figured that from your spectacularly unhelpful answers,” Ezra said with an eye roll.
She shrugged. “Hey, you asked a question, I answered it. But now you’ve asked another question, so let’s try to figure out an answer to that one too, huh? What do you like doing?”
Ezra hesitated. “It’s not as simple as that.”
Sabine waited for him to elaborate on that, but he didn’t say anything else. She sighed. “Ezra, if you want me to help, you’re going to have to…”
“It needs to be something I can keep doing,” he interrupted before she could finish.
She frowned. She wasn’t sure exactly what he meant by that — whether he needed to pick something that he would be able to continue doing rather than constantly changing his mind, or whether Hera was hoping that whatever he picked would still be useful to him after he was back on duty — but she could tell that the idea was bothering him. She didn’t understand why. It made sense that he should pick something that he could stick with, rather than odd jobs that would change every day. He needed something that he could concentrate on, get good at. Maybe even something that he would enjoy doing until he was ready to go back to his real job.
“Okay,” she said. “So definitely something you think you’d enjoy, then.”
Ezra shook his head. “You don’t get it. She want me to think of something I’ll still be able to do when…” he paused. “You know.”
“Oh.” She didn’t know what to say to that. It made sense, she supposed. But for some reason it had never even occurred to her that his sight might be a consideration. “Right. Okay.”
“But I don’t know what I’ll be able to do then,” Ezra said. “I’m still learning how to do stuff, and right now it’s all just walking around and… normal stuff, you know? Nothing specific to some job I haven’t even thought of yet. And because I don’t know what job to pick, it’s not like I can even get an idea of what I’ll be able to do from Kanan. And anyway, if I could do everything Kanan can do, I’d be back on active duty and this whole thing’d be irrelevant.”
He had a point.
“So she wants me to have a backup job, in case I’m never good enough to go on missions again.”
“That’s not it.” Sabine shook her head. Hera wouldn’t do that.
He shrugged. “She said I could go on the general duty roster if I really wanted, but she thought something else would be better. And she said ‘alternate role’, Sabine. What else could she mean by that?”
“She didn’t mean it like that. She just wants you to think about something you’d be good at doing. She probably doesn’t want you changing your mind every five minutes. She might have phrased it wrong, but there’s no way she meant it like that.”
Ezra seemed to relax a little, convinced by Sabine’s certainty. “Maybe you’re right. But…” he hesitated and looked away from her again. “I’m not picking up what Kanan’s teaching me quickly enough. It’s hard. But it’s not like the other Force stuff, I can’t figure it out in own time because whether I learn it or not, I’m still going blind at the same speed.”
Sabine wasn’t sure she had ever heard him say it like that before. He had hesitated before he spoke, but once he had started, there had been no attempt to dodge the subject, it was simply a statement of fact. She bit her lip. “I’m sure you’re learning it just fine. It took Kanan time too.”
“Kanan had to figure it out for himself.” His hand moved to something attached to his belt, something she hadn’t noticed before. A folded white object. His fingers rested there for a few moments before moving away again. She wasn't sure what it was, but it was obviously significant somehow. He shrugged, “But I guess he got more practice; he didn’t get to stop after the lesson finished.”
Sabine took a deep breath. “So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“Practice more, I guess. But covering my eyes up isn’t exactly how I want to spend my last few years of usable vision.”
There was more honesty coming from him in this conversation than the last few months combined, which was why she was reluctant to tell him that hadn’t been what she had meant. She had been asking whether he would opt for the duty roster, or a specific roll. He did bring her to another point though. “Do you even have the time to be starting a new job? I mean, if you need to study, shouldn’t you be spending your time doing that?”
He couldn’t study with Kanan all day, of course, but he was right, he could practice for himself. He could go over the things they had done in his lessons, come up with exercises that he could repeat until he got them right. It was how she had learned when she had been at the Academy. Lessons with a tutor, followed by study by herself. There hadn’t been time to learn how to do some random job, there had been more important uses for her time.
“I am concentrating on that,” he said. “I just want to do something else too. It’s not going to be all the time, just enough that my whole life isn’t about my stupid eyes.”
Only, it was. Even putting aside the fact that it must be impossible to forget because he could see the damage everywhere he looked, Hera was making him consider his sight in whatever roll he chose to take on around the base. It made sense from one point of view; if he was going to train in a new job it would be a waste of time to pick one he would be unable to do in a year’s time. On the other hand, whether he could do the job without his sight should be irrelevant because by the time he was blind, he would have all the skills he needed to be a full member of the team again, just like Kanan did.
She hoped.
What he said made sense though; she could understand him wanting a break. She could understand him not wanting to spend every waking moment between now and the day his eyes completely failed him thinking about and practicing for the future. Even though the more time he spent doing exactly that, the faster things would be able to go back to normal.
Some semblance of normal, anyway.
She nodded, then tried to make her question clearer. “So, what’s it going to be; duty roster or real job?”
Ezra shook his head. “Still trying to decide. I guess you’re right though; if I want to not be bored, I’d be better off doing something not boring. So if you have any suggestions, let me know.”
She considered it, but nothing sprung instantly to mind. It wasn’t just trying to think of something that Ezra would want to do, but something that he would still be able to do without his sight. She couldn’t think of anything. It didn’t help that she had no idea what he would be capable of then.
“Yeah, exactly,” Ezra said in response to her silence.
She swallowed. She wanted to help, if only because he had come to her, but she wasn't sure why he had picked her when there were people better qualified to advise him. “I’m not the best person to ask about this. Kanan will have a better idea of what you’ll be able to do. And if it was Hera’s idea, she probably has something in mind that you could do.”
“I know,” Ezra told her. “I’m supposed to talk to both of them tomorrow, and Hera already said they’d help if I couldn't think of anything.”
“Then why…”
“But what if she suggests something I don’t want to do?”
Sabine frowned. “You say no,” she told him.”
“Well, yeah. But I have to do something, so if I’m going to say no to a suggestion, it’d be better to have another one instead.”
He didn’t really ‘have to’ do anything. Not if this whole thing had been his idea. But he was right, if he wanted something to do, turning down suggestions without any alternative probably wasn’t the best plan. “Okay,” she said. “So let’s think it over. What do you like doing?”
“Getting one over on the Empire,” Ezra said. “Undercover work. Piloting…”
Not exactly helpful, and Ezra knew it. “Anything else?”
“I don’t know, Sabine. I’ve never done anything else. Back on Lothal all I did was try to survive, and if I could hurt the Empire a little bit while I did it, great, even better. Then I met you guys, and we’re all still trying to survive, only there’s so much more at stake now than my own life. Other than that, the only difference between then and now is I know how to use the Force now. I don’t know what else I like doing.”
She stared at him. She could understand his point, but he was wrong. He had done more than simply fight the Empire and learn about the Force since joining up with the Ghost crew. “You like the dokma races,” she said.
“Uh,” Ezra frowned at her. “So you think I should become a professional gambler? I dunno, I’m pretty terrible at it. And all we do is gamble for ration bars and helmets anyway, so I couldn’t exactly make a career out of it.”
As much as she loved Ezra, there were times that she wanted to slap him. “Funny. Okay, yeah, that wasn’t the best example, but my point is that you have done other things. Think of some of them.”
Ezra rested his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands. “He smirked. “You know, the whole point of asking you was so I didn’t have to think of something for myself.”
“Yeah, and you were so subtle with your whole ‘let’s pretend’ scenario. However did I figure it out?” She threw in an exaggerated eye roll to make sure he picked up on the sarcasm, and he grinned but at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed. “There must be something you’ve done before that you enjoy.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know about ‘enjoy’, but like I said to Hobbie, I’m pretty good at pickpocketing and lock picking. Can’t think of any use for it around here though.”
Neither could Sabine, pickpocketing was definitely something he should be able to do without looking. She was no expert, but she knew that one of the tricks of that particular trade was misdirection, and that didn’t work if you were staring at your victim’s pocket while you stole his wallet. If Ezra already had that skill, maybe there were other ways to use it that might help him in other jobs.
She smiled, “You know, pickpocketing might not be much use, but lock picking might come in handy. When someone gets locked out of their quarters you’d be able to help them get back in.”
“Great. That’s something I could do maybe once a year.”
“I think you’re underestimating the ability of drunken idiots to forget their access codes after a night at the races,” Sabine told him. “It happens at least once a month. Probably more.”
“Still not exactly a stable career choice.”
True. But he wasn’t looking for a career, just something he could do until he was approved for duty again. She hadn’t really been serious anyway, although there had been a few times she had heard of people forgetting passcodes and finding themselves locked out of their room.
“What kind of locks can you pick? Digital, or ones with a key?”
He shrugged. “Both, I guess. Why?”
“Because you’d have to pick a key lock by touch, you can’t see inside the keyhole. I’m just thinking that’s a skill you might be able to use elsewhere. Digital locks are about bypassing the lock, you use the wiring, right?”
“Sometimes.”
“So that’s a transferable skill too. If you know how to short circuit a lock, maybe you’d be good at fixing them too.”
Ezra frowned. “Fixing locks? A bit specific, isn’t it?”
She shook her head. “Not just locks; fixing stuff. You know, maintenance. I mean, you’d need some training, but you know a lot of it already, we all did a bit on the Ghost. You could probably decide if you wanted to concentrate on what you already know or learn more, and it’ll be different things every day, so it won’t get boring. Plus if you do pick up more skills, it’ll be useful on the Ghost in the future.”
He appeared to mull it over, his expression thoughtful. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’d be fine for now, but not when my sight gets worse.”
“How do you know?” Sabine asked him. “Have you ever tried to repair something without looking?”
“Uh, no. Of course not.”
Sabine grinned triumphantly. “Well then, how do you know you can’t do it?”
Ezra stared at her for a moment, then shook his head. “Because it’s obvious.”
“If you say so.” In fairness, she hadn’t tried it either, but depending on what she was repairing, she figured she might have a chance. “So what if we were in space, on the Ghost, and the lights went out. How would we repair that?”
Ezra appeared to consider it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nice try. We’d just get a flashlight.”
That was true. “Okay, what if all the flashlights had stopped working too? Chopper’s light included, before you say that.”
Ezra stared at her in confusion for a moment, then shook his head. “Why would all the flashlights stop working?”
“I dunno, same reason the lights did. What would you do then?”
He shook his head. “This is never going to happen.”
“It’s more likely than your weapons scenario,” Sabine told him.
Ezra shrugged. “Okay, that’s fair, but…”
“Think about it,” she interrupted. “What would you do?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I’d try to figure it out, but I have no idea how. Even working out what’s wrong would be difficult, and I’m pretty sure one wire feels the same as another. Also, I’m no expert, but even I know it’s not a great idea to stick your fingers into faulty wiring without looking.”
“Fine. So maybe it’s nothing to do with the wiring. But whatever it is, I bet we could come up with some way around it.”
Maybe they could use the tactile alphabet. They could label things before he needed them, then when he did need them, he would be able to identify them. But that would require him to learn the tactile alphabet, and she didn’t want to push, not if he wasn’t ready. She was still convinced that he would see the benefit one day, but today was not going to be that day.
Ezra shrugged again, looking unconvinced. “Yeah, I guess we could.”
He wasn’t going to do it. She understood why. He was right, maintenance would be fine for now, but difficult later. And in her ‘lights going out’ scenario, there would come a time when he wouldn’t even be able to tell whether his repairs had been successful. That thought provoked a deep sorrow in her and she tried to push it out of her mind.
“Sabine?” She noticed that Ezra was looking at her, his eyes full of concern. Either the emotion she was feeling was written plainly on her face, or he was picking up on it through the Force. Suddenly she felt very exposed.
She shook her head quickly. He was going to be fine. Whatever job he ended up choosing, he wouldn't be doing it for very long, because he was going to be back on active duty before he knew it. She had watched him pick up everything Kanan had taught him so far. There was no reason for this to be any different. Right? “Okay, not maintenance,” she agreed.
Ezra shrugged. “It’s not a bad idea, he said. “It’s just, I need something more simple. Maintenance can be fiddly, so can mechanics. And yeah, maybe I could learn how to differentiate things by touch, but what if I couldn’t? Or if I made a mistake, and instead of fixing something I made it worse? We’re in a war. I mean, reliable equipment is kinda important.”
“So you want to do maintenance with big objects instead of fiddly wires?”
He shrugged. “I don’t think that’s a thing.”
It could be a thing. There was no reason he couldn’t be given certain kinds of maintenance jobs, but he probably didn’t want special treatment. Although, there were specialists within every department, so there was no reason why being given specific types of jobs would be a bad thing.
She decided not to mention it. Not yet. Later, if he was still struggling for ideas, she could bring it up again. “You could help out with construction,” she suggested instead. “We’re building a new barracks at the north side of the base, I bet the team could use the help. You wouldn’t have to worry about the long-term since it’s only one project.”
He looked thoughtful for a moment. Not like he was thinking about it, more like he was trying to find fault with it. There were certainly faults to find. It wasn’t exactly what he was looking for, but then as far as Sabine could tell, he didn’t know what he was looking for.
“That might actually work,” he said after a few moments. He hesitated. “I mean, the Force is great for heavy lifting.”
That was another point, one that she hadn’t considered. Ezra would have an advantage that would make him a sought-after member of the team.
“As long as Hera doesn’t mind that it’s temporary, that is,” he added.
The way he had told it, this whole thing had been his idea, so Sabine couldn’t imagine why she would mind. She shrugged. “It’s still something you’d be able to do in the future,” she said. Just because it’s only one project now doesn’t mean there won’t be something else to build in a few months time. If you still need another job by then, that is.”
“Yeah,” Ezra said. He nodded, appearing more enthusiastic about the idea now. “Yeah, that’s true…” he smiled. “Hey, if nothing else, it’s something I can suggest instead when Hera tries to convince me it’s a great idea to work doing inventory for AP-5.”
“Why would she…” Sabine shook her head. It was probably a joke. That was the last thing he would be able to do when he couldn’t see. Making lists of inventory, reading, writing, checking things off. She wasn’t even sure Ezra would be able to do it now. “Yeah,” she said. “True.”
Ezra got to his feet. “I gotta go, I was supposed to meet Kanan for a lesson about five minutes ago. I’ll let you get on with your painting.” He headed for the door, stopped, then turned back to face her. “Thanks, Sabine,” he said. “Really.”
She shrugged, she wasn’t sure whether she had actually been of any help, but at least she would be able to keep thinking of suggestions for him. “Any time,” she told him.
Ezra opened the door and sped out into the hall. The sound of his running footsteps echoed through.
Sabine sighed, got up, and reached for her spray paint.
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Star Wars Rebels fanfic - Trepidation, part 1
Part of the Little By Little AU
(This is the next part following on chronologically from First Steps and the Plush Tooka)
Kanan was roused from his meditation by a hesitant knock on the outside of his door. He gave himself a second to pull himself back to reality, before reaching out through the Force to check who was there. Ezra.
He climbed to his feet and pressed the door release panel. “Hey,” said Ezra as the door was still sliding open. His boots shuffled uncomfortably on the floor, while the fingers of one hand drummed audibly on the wall just outside Kanan’s room, “You said training today, but you didn’t say when, or where. And I thought, this is the only place on the whole base where we know nobody’s going to be watching, so…”
Kanan had half expected not to hear from Ezra at all today. He had even gotten so far as to think about where he might go to hide; where the best places to look for him might be. The last thing he had expected was for him to show up at his door. It was a good kind of surprise though, but that was tempered by the reason for his visit.
He stepped to one side, opening up access to the room, and Ezra walked inside and allowed the door to close behind him. “I’d have been here earlier,” he said, “but I got caught by Sabine. She’s still trying to catalogue all the weapons, ammo and explosives on the base. It’s impossible, because things are always being used and replaced, but she’s asked me to help count some stuff later. I said I would.”
“That’s fine,” Kanan assured him. If Ezra was worried he was going to be trapped there all day, he needn't be.
Ezra took a deep breath. “Great. So…”
‘So’ indeed. Kanan cleared his throat. “Sit down,” he suggested.
Ezra hesitated for a moment, then crossed the room and sat on the one chair. Kanan perched on the bed. Silence again, and the smallest flash of apprehension from Ezra, quickly squashed down before it was allowed the opportunity to take hold. “Sabine also said she’s trying to decide if our lightsabers should go on her list of weaponry or not. I think she’s leaning toward not, since they’re not for general use, but then, neither are a lot of things that are going on there, so if you’ve got any idea what she should do, you should speak to her.”
“I think leaving them off might be better,” Kanan told him.
“Sure. I’ll tell her that later. When I s… see her to find out what needs to be counted.” He tapped his foot rhythmically on the floor. “Did you know we have three crates just marked ‘weapons’ that nobody’s ever opened? There could be anything in there. What do you think…”
“Ezra,” Kanan interrupted. “Stop.”
He did. Silence filled the room instantly, followed by the repeated sound of Ezra’s tapping toes. “I just thought it was interesting,” he said.
Kanan nodded, but disregarded the conversation; “How are you?” he asked. “After… everything?” If the last couple of days had been tough on Kanan -- and they had been -- he didn’t even want to imagine what they had been like for Ezra.
The mid-level anxiety that had followed him into the room peaked before disappearing entirely behind another block. He cleared his throat. “I’m fine,” he said, unconvincingly. “Great.”
Kanan nodded. He didn’t challenge it; not yet. He had been ‘fine’ himself for a long time too. He still was, though at least half the time he wasn’t lying any more. “That’s good.”
“So,” Ezra shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I guess you’re going to teach me about, how to…” he tailed off.
“Yeah,” Kanan told him. He rested his chin on his hand and considered it. Honestly, he didn’t know how. He barely understood himself what he did. He was still figuring things out, and he had no idea how to put into words the concepts for which he didn’t even have a name. He had never thought that he would have to teach this. Or if he had considered it, it had been purely theoretical; something that he might try to explain at some point in the future, if Ezra might find it interesting.
He had never, never, thought that Ezra might actually need it like he did. Like he was going to.
“First, there are some things we have to talk about,” he said.
Instantly wary, Ezra scraped the chair backward slightly, as though backing away from him, but remained seated. “Like what?”
Kanan frowned; it was difficult to explain. He knew, in theory, what was happening with Ezra’s vision. He had sat through the appointments, he had worked out for himself beforehand the things Ezra was having difficulty with, but knowing in theory and understanding were very different, and there were times when that understanding would be important. Exactly what Ezra could and could not see mattered, even if it was in a constant state of flux.
“I understand the course this thing’s going to take; I know what it’s doing. What I don’t know is what that’s like from your perspective. Does that make sense? What’s it like right now, for you?”
Ezra laughed. A short burst of something that sounded more like blaster fire than amusement. “It’s great,” he said, in a tone that dripped with sarcasm.
“That’s not…” He had known that wasn’t what he meant. The response had been an attempt to deflect the question, and Kanan had almost fallen for it. “Right now,” he repeated, “for example. In this room, with the light levels as they are; the main light is on, right? Are you having any trouble? Can you see at the moment?”
“Yes!” Ezra told him, forcefully. “Of course I…” He stopped, ran his hands through his hair, and took a breath to calm himself. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s a bit… it’s not great even at normal light levels; a bit blurry, you know? But that's barely noticeable right now.”
“Okay, so how about if I turned off that light, and switched on the one by the bed? It’s the same as in your room, so we don’t need to do it, just imagine. What difference would that make?”
“It… wouldn’t be too bad,” Ezra said, hesitantly, then paused. “Hey, did you know some of the base personnel have built a still?” he asked. “Someone told me about it the other day. Apparently the stuff they’re making tastes disgusting though; they offered me some, but they didn't exactly make it sound appealing.”
Kanan traced the wall near the head of the bed with the tips of his fingers until he found the control for the bedside light. He turned it on, and the main light off. “It is disgusting,” he said. “But it gets the job done. Rex helped build the still, actually. So, with the light now, what’s that like?”
Ezra hesitated, presumably looking around and trying to come up with the right words. “It’s fine near the light,” he said. “If I was over there, probably not. Over… away from it, I mean. Or if I…” He got to his feet and turned around, putting his back to the light source. “If It’s behind me, my own shadow gets in the way. I can still see, but not well.”
Kanan switched the main light back on, and Ezra sat back down.
“It’s not too bad,” Ezra assured him. “It’s nighttime that's the worst. If the sun goes down and I’m away from the lights on the base. Or when the lights are out, but it’s still light enough for everybody else to see, and I can’t because my eyes just won’t… You know when the light goes off suddenly and it takes a while for your eyes to adjust? It’s kinda like mine just won’t do it any more.”
That made a kind of sense to him. It was something that he could imagine at least. “In future, if you can’t see, if you’re having trouble, you need to tell me, okay?”
Ezra shifted uncomfortably. “Okay.” He thought about it some more. “I can’t think of anything I could say that wouldn't be obvious. I could cough three times, or something like that?”
Kanan frowned, momentarily confused, until he realized what exactly Ezra meant. In case somebody else was around, he wanted some kind of a code. “Ezra…” he began.
Ezra tensed noticeably, anticipating what he was about to say.
“You can’t hide this forever; sooner or later you’re going to have to tell them.”
“Hey, did you know the mechanics also have this dokma racing thing going on? They’ve set up a track, and bet on which one gets from one end to the other first. I had a go the other day, but I lost two ration bars.” He laughed. “I managed to convince them that the disgusting ones were all I had. Pretended they were my favorite and they fell for it!”
Kanan hesitated. He didn’t want to push too hard, but this was one of the things that they needed to discuss, and they needed to do it soon. Secrets were inevitable, even in a close-knit group such as theirs, but there were two kinds of secrets: those that mattered only to the person keeping them, and those that could potentially impact the people around them. This was definitely the latter; not only because if Ezra’s eyes failed him on a mission and he was unprepared, it could be disastrous, but also because of the impact Kanan knew for a fact, from both sides of the equation, the news would have on those around him.
“Ezra,” he said again. “You have to tell them.”
Ezra sighed deeply. “I know,” he said. “But not yet, okay? Don’t make me… Telling you was bad enough; just, don’t make me do it again yet. Let me do it in my own time.”
“Your own time,” Kanan repeated. He had waited over a year before telling Kanan, and then had only done so because Kanan had already known.
“It won’t be as long as last time, I promise.”
That was a promise that he would be forced to keep, because if Kanan’s understanding of the syndrome were correct, in another year’s time, his vision would have deteriorated to the point that it would be impossible to hide.
“Okay,” Kanan agreed. “It’s your secret to tell, it’s your decision when to do it. Within reason.”
“Fine,” said Ezra. “So, you were going to teach me some things, can we do that now?” Instead of talking, and especially instead of talking about that, the implication was clear.
Kanan got to his feet and walked across the room with slow, measured steps, thoughtful. It wasn’t as easy as that, and he had no illusions that Ezra believed it would be easy as such, but there was no one single thing that he could teach him that would work.
It was many things, sometimes combined together and sometimes used individually. It was sensing things through the Force, but it was also building up a good knowledge of familiar areas without needing to do that. It was an awareness of other people, their presence in the Force, sometimes their emotions communicated in the same way, but also learning how to listen more carefully than you even thought you would need. Recognizing sounds that would have gone unnoticed before, and mentally translating them into actions.
But more than that, a lot of it was simply getting used to it; resigning yourself to a new reality, learning how to work within it. Teaching yourself how to trust your remaining senses, and how to fully understand the information that they could provide.
He reached the other side of the room, stopped, turned and walked back again. Just a few short months ago he would have been able to do that only haltingly, feet barely lifting off the ground, hands searching ahead of him for any indication that he had reached his destination. He would not have done it in front of another person, with the possible exception of Hera. And in a situation like this, he would not have done it at all; where there was no need to move, he would have chosen to remain still rather than go to the effort.
Now, he hadn’t even thought twice about it.
But now that he had, he found himself analyzing the exact method he had used. How exactly had he known when he was approaching the wall at the other side of the room? Had his awareness through the Force communicated the information to him, or had he been subconsciously keeping track of the number of steps? This was a place with which he was very familiar; would his methods have been different had he been somewhere else?
He couldn't teach something if he didn’t understand it himself.
“Kanan?” Ezra asked, hesitantly.
He sighed and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. This whole situation reminded him suddenly of another conversation, one where their roles had been… not exactly reversed, but something like it. After their return from Malachor, when he was sufficiently recovered to be out of bed, but not sufficiently competent or experienced to actually be able to do anything or go anywhere. Just well enough to be frustrated at his newfound inability to do anything at all.
That was a place that he never wanted Ezra to have to visit.
“Do you remember when I first…” he raised a hand to his face, indicating his eyes. He could talk about it now, and did, sometimes, but he was suddenly acutely aware of the effect certain words used to have on him, and he wasn’t quite sure yet how far along that journey Ezra was.
He was met by silence, the sound of Ezra’s breathing, and then finally in a small voice, “Yeah.”
“You came to visit me one day,” he continued. “At the time I thought you…” He had thought that Ezra had had a vision warning him of what was coming, and had found out in advance how to deal with it. In reality, of course, the technique Ezra had shown him had been forged by his own experiences. Even then, he had been struggling with this alone for months. “You taught me something; how to use the Force to concentrate on the area just ahead of me, how to sweep the ground, check for obstacles so that I wouldn’t trip, do you remember that?”
Silence. The complete and total silence of a person not moving, barely even breathing as he waited for a continuation. Of course he remembered. Kanan didn’t need a confirmation of that fact.
“It helped,” he said. “I used it, and I adapted it, and later I integrated it into the lessons the Bendu taught me. I still use it every day. I… just realized, I never thanked you for that.” He hadn’t been in the right place emotionally at the time, and later, it had just seemed too late. Until now.
Ezra didn’t respond.
“If you can do that, it’s a start. It’s a really good start that you can build on.”
More silence, and then, “I can’t do that,” Ezra admitted. “I mean, I have done it once or twice, just to try, and it seemed to work, and before you… I was thinking one day it might… But it’s not something I need… yet. I mean most of the time.” As he spoke, his voice decreased in volume until it was little more than a whisper, and Kanan could hear the grief caught within it.
This wasn't going to work, Ezra just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do this now. He wasn’t going to be able to take anything in; so much of what he needed to know, he would only be able to learn by practical experience. To understand how to move around and sense the world without vision, Ezra was going to have to do just that, but if Kanan pulled out a blindfold now — not that he had one with him — or even if he just suggested closing his eyes, to try some things out, he wasn’t sure how Ezra was going to react.
“Okay, that’s fine. When we start working on this, that’s the first thing we’ll try, but I think,” Kanan said carefully, “it might still be too early to think about that. You’re still processing this, you need to give yourself time to come to terms with it, and while you do, there are some other things you can be working on. In between your usual training, of course.” Because there was a chance of letting that fall by the wayside now, if they weren’t careful; of making everything about this, and not only was that not healthy, it wouldn’t be particularly useful either, for anybody concerned.
Ezra considered that. He took a deep breath and held it for several seconds before exhaling slowly. “I’ve known about this for a year, Kanan,” he said. “It’s new to you, not to me.”
And that was true, in a way. “There’s a difference between knowing something, and having something officially confirmed.” A truth with which he was intimately familiar; no matter how ready he might have been be for that official prognosis, it had still hurt when the last piece of hope had been ripped away.
“Yeah, well,” Ezra said, “thanks for dragging me off to see the droid then.”
His tone sounded like a joke, but Kanan could tell that it was anything but. He didn’t reply, he couldn't think of anything to say.
“That was a joke,” Ezra told him.
“In the meantime,” Kanan told him, “two things. Being open to the Force; it’s something that you can do in short bursts, but you’re going to have to be able to keep that up for longer periods. Not with the same intensity as during battle situations, but an awareness of what’s happening around you is important.”
Ezra sighed. “If you’re going to say meditation…”
“If you can find something else that works for you, fine, but I’d start with that for now. Just sit, and feel the Force, be aware of it, listen to what it can tell you. Once you start paying attention, you might be surprised at what you can learn.”
“Meditation,” Ezra repeated, sounding a little dejected. “Great.”
“We’ll do it together, sometimes it’s easier that way. It’s been some time since we tried that, but you will find it useful.”
Kanan resisted the urge to backtrack and let him off that particular task. It was important, and as much as Ezra found it difficult, the sooner he learned to connect to the Force in that way, the easier he would find things. Not to mention, Kanan had let him off one too many times before, and had he not done that, Ezra might be further along in that regard, and have that little bit less to have to learn right now. Ezra’s difficulty with meditation was his failing as a teacher, not Ezra’s as a student.
“You know, you’d have thought all those generations of Jedi would have thought up a better way to spend their downtime than sitting around with their eyes closed,” Ezra said. “So, what’s the second thing?”
Okay, so maybe the fault was partially Ezra’s after all.
“Remember that you have four other senses; pay attention to them, be aware of what they are telling you. Listen to the sounds that everyday actions make, remember them; it’ll help you be aware of what’s happening around you. Sound is the big one, but pay attention to how things feel, smell, even taste, when it’s appropriate. Take notice of distances, how long it takes you to move from one place to another, for shorter distances, how many steps.”
Ezra didn’t reply. He had gone very quiet and still once again.
“Listen to people’s voices; facial expressions and body language tell you a lot, but you can get some of that back by listening for the inflection in someone’s voice. Sometimes, that can be better and more reliable than sensing someone’s emotions thorough that Force, because that only tends to work for something someone’s feeling deeply.”
“Like now?” Ezra asked quietly, after a long pause.
Kanan reached out, both through the Force and physically, resting his hands on Ezra’s shoulders. Ezra’s feelings actually appeared clouded, mixed; anxiety, and a deep sense of dread, but mixed with curiosity.
“How much of what you do has nothing to do with the Force?”
Another way to ask may be, how much is not so much replacing sight with the Force, but learning how to do without? In how many ways was Kanan, and by extension, in how many ways would Ezra be, just like any other blind person; no more equipped to handle it than somebody without access to the Force?
Kanan flexed his fingers, giving Ezra’s shoulders a reassuring squeeze, but he didn’t lie. The Force did not make up for his sight; no matter how much information he could glean that way, there would be always be things that he missed. “Enough that it’s important,” he said.
He felt Ezra’s shoulders drop as he slumped slightly. “Okay,” he said.
“But the other things are important too,” Kanan promised him, “and we’ll get to them. When you’re ready. We have time.”
Ezra sighed deeply and swiped quickly at his eyes. Kanan didn’t mention it. Instead, he squeezed Ezra’s shoulders one more time, and then let him go. Drawing attention to his student’s distress would not help anything. It was strange, the things that got to you. Things you never expected; things you did expect that affected you differently than you anticipated.
“I’m going to show you all of it,” Kanan promised him. “The Force stuff and the other, in as much detail as you want. But for now, all I’m asking you to do is be aware; both of the Force and your other senses. Just think about what you’re experiencing and how.”
“Okay,” he said again.
Kanan forced a smile. “So, that’s for later. For today, shall we go the the cargo bay and see if you can add a few more objects to the total you can manipulate in the air? We’ll get you to twenty by the end of the month; I’m determined.”
Ezra relaxed noticeably at the mention of something familiar, and got to his feet. “I bet I can do it before then,” he said.
#little by little#star wars rebels#swr#ezra bridger#kanan jarrus#fanfic#star wars rebels fanfiction#comments are welcome
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