#also on a more personal note i got to do so many stuff ive been wanting 2 do for the past 2 years on the game on this fest!

[theghostofwilburtheworm]

okay so i have more closing toughs on the grand fest cuz im really emotional abt this lil silly squid game

i think it felt really conclusive, like i would not be disappointed at all if this was the send off to the franchise, or at least this story of it in particular (with all the rumors of the soft reboot 4 the next game n such) it was very nice and yk grand, and to get to see all this characters i like so much all performing together, its just so nice so cool, it really made me happy specially for the squid sisters and off the hook, i do really wish we have gotten to see more of deep cut in like their natural state of mischievousness, but oh well i do think this would be a great enough send off for them, aand aaaa have i mentioned i really love these characters and this game??? bc i doo!!! so so so much and three wishes now or never 7 was such a good song and the performance was so beautiful, and then the after fest performances got me all teary eyed aaaa, it was just, it was so lovely man im so happy after that splatfest but also im kinda sad its over now, like the weekend really went fast, and now its over, but wasnt it nice while it lasted, and regardless on who wins 2morrow im so happy i got to play it, and play it with everyone else!

Well i guess thats it! That splatfest was lovely i love this game so much

[candiid-caniine]

Hey! Long time no see, i know i said id send you a fantasy i thought you'd like but now ive forgotten almost all of it, oop!

Life happened, and uh, i saw that you mentioned your libido being a bit low, which definitely is my case too (im recovering from depression, now that im okay id love to get my FULL libido back, or at least a good percentage of it) do you have any tips on that?

Also any recs of blogs writing in the same vibe as you? (same-ish kinks would be nice but im specifically looking for queer inclusive stuff!) it makes me 10x hornier than the regular video/photo porn!

Hope you're well, you pathetic little thing!

💫

hi friend!! ugh i feel you. sorry i haven't got any advice on regaining ur libido...we just let mine wax and wane as it will, though denial has been a big help in keeping it steady!

i've heard good things abt ginseng and some other herbs. obvs use at your own risk, mind that some herbal treatments can cross-interact with certain medications, remember that pre-packaged supplement pills are often unregulated and may contain toxins, and be aware that some herbal remedies work better on pw certain anatomy than others, and finally that many herbal remedies considered to increase libido are largely untested on trans folx!

finally, sorry it's taken so long to answer this ask...i'm autistic and have been cataloguing lol. i present to you a list of other blog recs under the cut, organized by general vibe! i've tried to primarily include blogs that do their own posts rather than those who primarily reblog :)

note that my headings may provide some context as to what to expect, but you read at your own risk and each blog will typically have its own trigger warnings addressed in the header/pinned. additionally, i've not tagged some of the ppl below because they prefer that "Men DNI" blogs not interact, and idk if "no cis men" qualifies ahah!

all blogs below are queer- and/or trans-inclusive, if not exclusive! there is no detrans/misgendering, at least I don't think - i don't tend to follow those blogs.

hard kinks (blood, knives, etc; includes primarily-cnc blogs):

@puppy-mommy , who also does general t4t kink content, but does state untagged hard kinks!

@visciousest is someone whose blog i scroll when i'm in a Certain Mood ahah,, i won't elaborate

@hell-hound-bites: just. fuck. would drool on his knife blade.

@snuff-fag: its username should give you fair warning as to how wild its content tends to get, so please browse responsibly.

@condor-bait is taking a break right now, and all my love is with him as he takes care of himself. he made me feel so valid and so fuckable as a young trans person learning to love myself in a new way, and i've always been too shy to tell him how much his content meant to me one-on-one (yes, despite its often-extreme themes!), and he deserves as much time as he needs to heal!

@unwillingfvckpuppy for mostly cnc and medical kinks! if you like his style, but not so much their harder content, he also has a more-tame main blog--i just mainly follow/scroll this one!

@vampvictim: top-tier cnc/intox stuff, plus some great knife/bloodplay :)

@cryptidtid is wonderful and holy shit i follow a lot of hard kink blogs lol. incredible

@cnc-pet: i have been following her for a long ass fucking time lol. they post a lot of really good cnc and stories, but you'll also find a lot of aftercare tips and advice on her blog! i really admire blogs who try to balance horny content with best practices

@dollobotomy

general kinky content:

@excessively-queer . just plain old good shit :) there's a good amt of edging and degradation.

@clouded-king was honestly one of my earlier introductions to the queer/t4t kink community on here and how fucking euphoric it can be :) he posts some hard kinks, but generally it's a balance of a lot of different kinks so read his pinned at your leisure!

@ / cottontailx : just good kinky nsft posts :)

@ / digitalpenetration: often specifically t4t which i love!!

@femmelovefemme can step on me :)

@bigothteddies: could not build this section w/o mentioning him :) they had a big influence on my fantasies for a long time!

@hazelj-xoxo: bigtime want her to cuck me. have followed her across multiple blog deletions lol

@transpidered is forever an icon!

@subspaceemo

@writefinch for great stories and text posts

edging and denial, specifically:

@6irlpet is 1 of my go-to hands-down-pants scroll sessions :)

@droolkink is my inspiration!

@flustersluts does exactly what the name implies lol. a good helping of other kink content too :)

@puppycvnt is a 10/10!

@barkwoofbarkwoofbark: we r denial friends imo!!

@strawbrrysub

@blyssful-abyss

@urhighnessbitch is a big fav <3

non-detrans genderplay:

@butchviolence does amazing butch supremacy stuff and i,,, fucking hell. even just seeing their username puts me in a Particular state of mind ahah. they also post hard kinks so be aware as you proceed!

@mtfdomme: i literally just reblogged from her today lol. tbh i want to be their little stupid pupthing. it's not all transfem supremacy undertones/overtones, but that's what i mainly follow her for, plus just general t4t goodness! also, their general personality? and the way she shuts down people who disrespect their boundaries? huge inspiration for me!

@cuntboydestroyer: take me to the animal shelter and neuter me. good lord.

@the-kind-of-dame is the main inspiration for my recent genderplay post lol

@terfbreaking-tgirl (be warned of dykebreaking if that's an issue for you)

@barbarian-lesbian is my other inspiration for the recent genderplay post

@superiorineveryway

weird asf (/complimentary; my favorite type of shit. robots, ND-focused posts, etc):

@specksizedgoddess has introduced me to things i didn't know, like...existed, and that's saying a lot as one of my special interests is kink! never knew how down bad i was to be a tiny buggirl, nor how much i wanted to be someone's stupid little robot... BIG tw tho: there is snuff and gore content here, so proceed with caution if you don't wanna see that!

@sapphling fucked me up real good with some bird!sub bondage posts awhile back lol

@nobelisha: found them through their ghost cnc post so that's why they're in this category ahah! they don't have a pinned so proceed w awareness :)

@devout-cleric: hierophilia/religion kink, and i'm something of an acolyte of hers :) if you've read this far down you may as well know i'm her Little Lamb anon lol

piss/omo:

@latenightomo

@pissheartmybeloved - their URL makes me crack up every time, plus good content!

@hold-it-a-little-longer - good scenarios/imagines!

@ohmyrashi - (i think) my original intro to omo!

monsterfucking/terato:

@septimus-moonlight was my first real introduction to trans-positive terato and i've never settled for half-fun cis-oriented terato ever since :) mind tags!

@eggedbellies as well!

@bredpun doesn't appear to be active lately but still good for a scroll!

@steamandcream

@of-mutts-and-men

[velarisdusk]

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

Thank you @xxvalkyriesxx for the tag!! <3

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

this made me have to actually update my AO3 with all my fics lol so thank you for that. 168,286 🫣

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

47!!! lots of them were super short ones for kinktober but still very very proud of that wow

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

3 >:)

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

im gonna give two because i cant choose and y'all just have to deal lol i LOVED Unveiled Pleasures, one of the Rhysand x Reader fics i wrote for kinktober. but ALSO i love the bat boys fic i just wrote, I slept with Someone in Wings of Illyria

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

Shadows at Twilight!! it's a nesta and azriel fic (not slash, just &, lol). it wasn't suuuper experimental i guess but still different from my usual stuff. it was the first fic i've ever written that wasn't slash, and i loved writing their big argument, i was really really fun :)

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

i wrote VWMT thinking it wasn't gonna be a huge deal, i posted it and didn't think about it for a while. and then the notes started coming in. and they still have not stopped 😭 i didn't like it a whole lot when i wrote it but so many people loved it and im so so grateful for that.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Held by a Whisper, a Tamlin x Reader angst fic. very short, very sweet, very sad. i love it with all my heart.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

i only recently started indulging bass player az, but it all started months ago when i saw this by elenana.art. last i saw, there were only 2 things in her au, but now there are more and i LOVE THEM AAAAA

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

there are a good few but most notably @azsazz, @rhysazriel, and @readychilledwine, they're all incredible authors :')

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@highlordofkrypton !!!!!!! thank u for wildflowers it's what got me into tamsand i love them sm

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

No, none..... yet >:)

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

I FINISHED A SERIES!!!!!!! Breaking the Ice was originally gonna be just Ice Cold Jealousy, but a lot of people enjoyed it so i planned the whole thing out. usually once i plan a series i get sick of it and bored and i quit. BUT I FINISHED IT!!!!!!! and thats all thanks to you guys, if you all hadn't given me such wonderful feedback i definitely would've gotten sick of it haha

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

i've had to learn to not get discouraged if something i really enjoyed writing doesnt do well. notes/hits/kudos/comments do not determine the quality of what's been written, i still have to remind myself of that. i've ALSO learned that i personally cannot write a whole fic and then post it once im done. i get burned out and discouraged and then i start to resent writing. it works for lots of peope and thats wonderful, just does not work for me :/

14. What is your advice?

get a beta reader omfg i swear it's like a lifehack its like youre CHEATING. i've been saved from so many embarrassing typos and repeated words

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

man idk i just wanna keep writing. maybe i'll start and finish this az x reader series i thought of. i really think y'all will like it, i just wanna make sure ive got the foundations of it before i start posting lol

if you'd like to, @halo-hanging, @rhysazriel, @highlordofkrypton, @acoazlove @inkedinshadows @scorpioriesling <33 if not, no pressure, and happy new year!! <3 :)

[kittyamore0]

Slashers with a Vampire S/O:

[PART II]

CW: Biting, marking, breaking of skin, blood, slightly dom, immortal, GN! reader, blood kink and drinking blood

LITTLE NOTE I: Im in a slightly good mood and i wanted to write another character even though they aren't a slasher, but as a bonus!

LITTLE NOTE II: I've been up since 3AM working on this and then other things. Its currently 9AM and im having crucial back pain

BONUS: extra character

EXTRA CHARACTER: Violet Harmon

MAIN CHARACTERS: Stu Macher + Billy Loomis, Carrie White, Freddy Kruger, Tate Langdon, Bubba sawyer, GENRE: Headcanons

Fandom: Horror

STU MACHER + BILLY LOOMIS

Stu wouldn't believe you at first.

Billy tends to stalk you from time to time, so i think he would know

You also know that your loving, killer boyfriend stalks you

So you also know that he knew.

"Uh, Sweetie, you do realize its not Halloween yet, right?"

You scoffed and flashed your fangs at Stu and Billy

"Might be fake-"

"Bitch, please!"

Stu playfully rolled his eyes and smiled

Suddenly, you ran past him

But way too quickly

"Wait-- What the fuck?--"

Billy just snickered at him

"What are you laughing about?"

Stu narrowed his eyes

"Ive been knowing, you fuck-rag."

Stu did in fact realize you were not lying.

"And you didn't tell me?!"

"They just did,"

"You--"

"Enough."

Stu kept whining the whole week after that

He would ask stupid questions

Like Tif, he would watch Vamp movies with you

He will let you bite him just to feel how it feels

Sometimes it'll go well with Stu, sometimes it wont...

He needs like 20 years to recover from that bite

And other times, he feels like hes floating

"I feel high! Is this what you felt when they bit you, Bil?"

"No, i felt horny."

...

"Wait, wha--"

Now, with Billy

He loved it when you bit him

He has a major blood kink

You marking him, blood seeping down his neck as you drink from him.

He also loves looking into your crimson eyes

He thinks your eyes are really pretty, but he wont admit that

Maybe if you manage to bribe him

He does know that he can actually die if he lets you drink as much blood, so it only happens once awhile

He will bring you back some victims as ghostface though!

Be prepared for loving phone calls from your loving boyfriends telling you how much people they've killed

CARRIE WHITE

She did believe you, but it took her some time to process stuff

I mean, she's got powers. Why wouldn't she believe you?

She sometimes thinks about how her mom would react

Her mom would be absolutely pissed

But she doesn't care

she's not letting you go anytime soon

And she doesn't plan too

You don't drink from her because her body is already fragile enough

She never brought up that idea either

I mean, she has thought about it, but she knows that you would refuse instantly due to both her physical and mental health

She would let you drink from her, if it meant saving you in some kind of way

She doesn't ask too many questions about it and treats you like any normal person, but with extra and special attention since you're her S/O!

When shes upset, her powers get out of control and she has flung knives at you...maybe more than one.

But she really didn't mean to!

She can't control it!

She freaks out when one of the knives at you, dropping her upset mood

Then you have to reassure her that you're immortal, so it wont affect you as much

"Carrie, sweetie, im okay--"

"I-it wa-was in your th-throat!"

"Again, not like im dying--"

She was so upset the first time it happened

She tried running away and locking herself inside her room, but you were much stronger than her, so you held her close until she was calm

"Shh...its okay, its okay."

"i--im-im sorry, im sorry..."

Poor baby :(

But you will pamper her after shes calm down

:)

FREDDY KRUGER

Hes gonna believe you, since you know, hes a dead, burned, sleep demon--

But he wants proof

Crimson eyes or bright changing eye colors? check.

Sharp fangs that can hide themselves? Check.

Blood lust?

You tried biting him the first time you guys met and he caught you eating more than one person in your dreams.

So yea, Check.

He makes dirty jokes about your powers

Speed?

He'll say something along the lines of..."Well, lets see your pace in the bedroom--"

You start fist fighting him every time he does say something like that

But sometimes you'll play along with his little flirting game

And the second you do, theres a thick lump in those worn out pants of his

The next thing you know, you wake up naked

Oh, and because of that supernatural crazy stuff,

You find a way to see the demon through the day instead of night now!

Through spells though

But as long as you're seeing him!

TATE LANGDON

Hes known way before you've met him, and thats because hes known you longer than you've known he existed

When he did reveal himself, like his true self, which is being dead, you realized about him knowing about your little secret

And the other ghost in the house

yay.

I mean, you were planning to tell your boyfriend Tate that you were a Vamp, but he knew

So that spares you the explanation and proving

You were just glad he knew

Tate, i feel like when he tells you that he knows, he'll compliment you.

How he loved the way your eyes would change color

How he loved your powers

And how he loved you, most of all, all of you.

All the confessing would definitely lead to a passion make out, and maybe even further

And dont tell me 'no'. This shit would be like a telenovela, but it got to the part that they are confessing

And im listening to 'or nah' by The Weeknd right now, it's a sign.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

He would treat you like his normal S/O, not caring about the fact you are a human-blood-drinking creature.

He would suggest you be a vampire for Halloween, since you know, you're already one...

"Haha, so funny. I'm not gonna wear those weird human versions of vampire cloaks!"

"C'mon, it'll be funny!"

"Okay, how about this; You wear those ghost costumes, the ones where theres just holes where the eyes are and ill dress in one of those weird vampire cloaks."

"No, not in a million years!"

"It's either we wait a million years then, or you wont ever get to see me in that vampire cloak~"

"Okay, you win!"

"So, deal then?"

"Deal."

Whenever you have your blood lust, he'll offer up his cold flesh for you to bite through and let his bitter sweet blood soak out

But in the end, you can't.

Dead blood in fact makes Vampires very ill

And though it saddens him that he cant help you, he'll understand.

He wont let you drink his blood.

No matter how much pain you're in.

He can't risk putting you in even more pain

So he mostly goes invisible when you have your blood lust

And he waits in the corner of your room for you to come back from hunting your meal

Calm cuddles after your blood lust while listening to Nirvana

He absolutely loves that you are immortal

You can stay with him, forever.

Forever and ever. With him, and only him.

VIOLET HARMON -- THE BONUS

Violet has also known, like Tate because she has been watching you.

You also knew she was a ghost in the house from the day she came up to you

How? When words about the infamous 'murder house' were being spread, so did the word Violet

And you might of seen a picture or two of her when people would talk about the murder house

She kinda has no choice either

She also was really interested in you when you moved into the house

She was obviously shocked when she found out you were a vampire

She did not expect that at all

I mean, she grew up knowing that vampires didn't exist

And yet, here you are

before you guys started dating she was the classic-

sorta stare and not talk

Only because you're a vampire and she doesn't wanna trigger anything--

Okay...shes was nervous.

She has a literal crush on a hot vampire who is living in the house she died in!

okay, the 'died in' part is uh, just not needed

And she did really want to talk to you, she just needed a push

Tate.

"Okay, Vi, you got this..."

She took a deep breath

"shit, never mind. i don't got this--"

"You do."

She yelped when the familiar voice had appeared from behind her.

"Tate...?"

"yea, sorry. I just wanted to say that, uh, you should go for it. Its now or never. They might be a inmortal , but they wont stay here for long without, um, value? So, uh, go for it."

He flashes Violet a small smile before walking way

"Thanks..." She mumbled and continued to stare at your figure

fuck it.

"Uh, h-hi,"

Her heart felt like it was about to pop tf out her chest

Wait, it dont beat no more.

But still felt like it

You felt like you were trippin'

Are you actually talking to a cute, dead girl right now?

Yes. Yes you were.

"Hi, Violet."

She froze up.

How the hell.

Did one of the ghosts tell you?

What.

"How did you--"

"Oh, it was easy. A lot of people talk about this house, and you."

oh, right.

Well, shit.

"What, cat got your tongue?"

Yes.

"N--no, im fine--"

You just chuckled at her

Why in the hell were you so calm???

"Do you wanna talk a little? im sure you didn't call me just to call me."

"Yes! i mean--sure!"

You guys hung out the rest of the night and it was amazing.

She found out things about you

You found out things about her

A win-win!

She'd hate when you have your blood lust

Because 1. You're scary as hell

2. She hates seeing you in pain

3. There's no blood available for you in the house because its all dead blood, we dont want you to be sick

4. She hates waiting long for you to come home

Long naps with you after you got back from hunting

BUBBA SAWYER

You told Bubba from the start of the relationship!

I mean, why not tell your cannibal boyfriend that you, are in fact, a blood thirsty vampire

At first, he was confused

A vampire in texas...?

A real, REAL vampire.

Complusion to make him less confused

Oh, now he gets it!

Wonder why...

He'll still love you

Vampire or not

constant babbling about how he loves your crimson eyes

HATES it when you have your blood lust

He hates seeing you in pain

Tries feeding you his victims

Gets even more upset when you tell him you can't have dead blood

Hes on his way to find some more victims

You can count on him!

He'll come back with 2-5 victims

Maybe even more if there was some event going on nearby

He'll sit you on his lap and cuddle with you till' you feel better

He coos at you but you have absolutely no idea on what he's saying!

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔ 　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦　　

[randomfoggytiger]

Fail Better Premium: David's Thoughts (Part XV)

Creating a breadcrumb trail with David Duchovny's personal growth.

"What a nice guy. I was thinking, like-- he said that, y'know, the kind of direction of his life at this point, his ambition, is to make his relationship with his wife better and better; and more intimate. And I, I couldn't help thinking, like, 'Every man just... hates you, right now.'" [Laughs.] "You're making us all look so bad. But it was a beautiful thing to hear; and to say. And to admit, y'know? It's so rare in this culture that people say, 'My relationship is the most important thing in the world to me.' I mean, why-- why not? Why not? Why not? It certainly, it certainly has affected me. And it doesn't have to just be the relationship with your partner: it can be the relationship with your kids. Y'know, relationships. The idea of ambition in a relationship-- success or failure, y'know-- to want that relationship to, to grow. Uh, y'know, to actually feel like that's a masculine ambition. What a wonderful thing. What a different thing.

"At some point, when I was looking at things to talk about with Kumail, his wife, again-- who's a therapist-- she said after the stuff happened with The Eternals, which was probably very painful... I know very painful, as an actor. It's very hard to have something that people are telling you is gonna be fantastic; and it comes out and, uh, it's not. It's not received that way. For whatever reason. Y'know, you don't have to take the loss on yourself; but it is a loss. It's a loss of expectation. But she said that, to him, he had career dysmorphia. Which I think was a really interesting way to, to kind of approach that state of mind after a failure, after a public failure. I think that's so true of so many actors-- y'know, we all have career dysmorphia. I've never met an actor who doesn't have career dysmorphia.

"And I wonder if that's the same for all of us: we all have career dysmorphia; we all could use some help in seeing ourselves in the mirror-- seeing our careers in the mirror. And it also depends on what you want out of a career. And this is something Kumail and I talked about. Y'know, he just wants to have fulfilling processes now-- it's not 'end result' oriented anymore. And I think that's a cure for dysmorphia, in a way: where you're just enjoying 'in the moment', the process, the challenge. There's so many... as I've been doing this podcast, there's so many books I've been reading about that touch on failures; and there's so many quotes I want to bring to bear. But I see my note cards-- they're in the stack, they're in the corner-- I'm just gonna have to wing it. I'm not gonna rely on other peoples' words.

"Okay, um. That's what I got."

(Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV: 1/3, Part IV: 2/3, Part IV: 3/3, Part V: 1/3, Part V: 2/3, Part V: 3/3, Part VI: 1/2, Part VI: 2/2, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI,Part XII: 1/2, Part XII: 2/2, Part XIII: 1/2, Part XIII: 2/2,Part XIV)

[tiiiiiired]

hello! i saw you on the viktor community & i had some questions of my own! ive been considering writing a fic about him exploring his general feelings (i want to explore writing about that--rough idea but whatever), mostly bc the way he described himself feeling & looking was how i used to feel... but i am also able-bodied--& thusly i have a few quick questions! ok, so first of all; do you reckon he would experience joint pain in his knee/ankle/hip--& if so what type? i have some bc of low muscle mass, but i also know that the pain from an ankle injury is wayyy different (personal experience)... but what viktor has hits me differently. would the pain jsut be from the brace? would it be from the brace holding his leg in position? would the leg's joints hurt regardless? & on a similar note--what do you reckon is the reason for his back brace? i did notice some bolts(?) in his spine, so i assume it to be alignment-related... but do you reckon it could also help with pain? (im a big fan of compression stuff, so thats the best i can think of it as an analogy to)....... also same beat of pain/etc

ok & this is WAYYY more general, but are there any other super major things to consider? mostly just about how he'd go about his life & such! tysm! its super awesome to be able to hear about other's people experiences <3

Regarding pain, this is going to be dependent on the source of his low muscle tone, but there are a few sources of pain that are relatively universal among us low muscle tone folks. I'd actually recommend sticking to those universal experiences over trying to pinpoint his exact condition as Arcane doesn't specify, there's a bunch of genetic and environmental factors for disabilities like this, and these disabilities are all REALLY complex.

I chatted a bit about brace and leg position pain in my previous ask here, so I'll skip that topic for this ask. But a source of pain I didn't mention in the previous post is the general pain and exhaustion of the condition itself, regardless of bracing. When you don't have a lot of muscle tone, there's not a lot holding your joints steady. This results in you overcompensating with the muscles you do have. For example, if you have a really unstable leg, you'll put more pressure on the less unstable leg and often push your bad leg forward using your hips, glutes, and lower back which puts a lot of strain on them. The result is that you can get further complications in these parts of the body, including chronic pain. I was born with a dropped foot (aka I dragged my foot along the ground similarly to how Viktor does in the flashback to his childhood) so to get my foot up and off the ground I had to put a lot of weight on my good leg and kind of use my hip and low back to swing my leg forward in a sort of half-circle motion (the animators did a good job approximating this in a few scenes, iirc, but I should rewatch to confirm). This is pretty bad for your body as bodies evolved in this kind of "tall line" shape so your weight is distributed evenly to your heels when you stand and is evenly moved around when you walk. Many folks with uneven walking postures end up with pain in the lower back, hips, glutes (and, where relevant, the "good" leg) as a result.

The affected joints will also hurt regardless. I actually got diagnosed primarily because I had some pretty wicked knee pain at an age where Pretty Wicked Knee Pain is abnormal. When you lack muscle tone in these regions the affected joints lose stability and you get lateral movement of the joints of the leg (so rather than the join just hinging at the knee or twisting as per usual, there's a tiny bit of sideways movement at the knee joint. This is hard to explain verbally so if I find a good diagram I'll come back and add it here). You also get something called patellar maltracking, where the kneecap moves in directions it isn't supposed to. This wears down the cartilage that lubricates the bones and eventually results in some pretty wild pain when moving the knee or weightbearing through the knee. Similar shit happens in the ankle and in a bunch of other joints. When this wears down, it makes the affected joint stiffen with cold (yes, fanfic writers who included this, I did notice and I hope you know I love all of you). This can also happen to folks who just don't have a lot of muscle for non-disability reasons, which is why some non disabled folks seem to get injured a lot.

As for the back brace, this (mostly) exits personal experience territory and enters workplace experience territory for me. I noticed the bolts too, so I think we're both onto something there. It seems like a steampunk inspired version of an external fixator (here's the wikipedia article for it, but tw for medical imaging and healed injuries) or what the skin would look like after healing around the bolts for external fixators (once the big cage part is taken off). These are usually used to hold joints in place or to slowly expand them. When I worked in hospitals I'd see these in patients with severe scoliosis who underwent more invasive forms of spinal fusion. This fits Viktor pretty well. When you have a disability that affects your muscle tone, it'll affect the muscle tone over your whole body (thus his smaller frame, gaunt facial features, and kind of "floppy" movements in some scenes), with high movement and high impact areas degenerating faster (like your back and legs). When the muscles in your back start to go, your spine loses stability and can curve, with the curve worsening over time. For most of us, physical therapy and bracing is enough, but if the curve gets too bad or is causing serious pressure on the discs, a surgery like spinal fusion is your only option to keep your back straight and keep you from getting neurological damage as a result of the spine pressure. While I've got a degree in neuroscience and do have back complications due to low muscle tone, I'm not a doctor so I can't say for sure that's what's going on here. But that's my educated guess. In terms of pain, it's a trade off. External fixation and spinal fusion are both deeply painful because they drill into bone. However, if your spine was damaged badly enough to qualify for a surgery like that, it's probably less painful to get the surgery than to not get it, and it reduces your risk of further neurological damage like paralysis.

In terms of other things to consider, oh man that's a tough one bc it's a pretty general question. Low muscle tone affects a lot of what I do, from the way I walk to how I cook to what clothes I wear. My biggest recommendation is to be mindful of two things: his disability will affect everything he does, but he was also a very independent person (when ofc not dying) in the show. So strike a balance between these things. Like I cook for myself, but I can cook for myself because I figured out solutions like buying shorter walled pots and pans, sitting while I cook, and dragging pots of water along my counter instead of carrying them to the stove. When writing disabled characters you don't need to describe every minor accommodation they make for themselves because the character themself might not even fully notice those accommodations (I didn't notice the heavy pot dragging thing until a friend commented on it). Instead, just drop in something every once in a while to show that they noticed. We tend to notice more when something is a big burden or when something disrupts our usual methods of doing things. Those might be good moments to bring attention to the ways Viktor has to do things differently. If any specific things come to mind as you create, feel free to reach out and I'm happy to chat about how I do them!

Sorry this is another wildly long post but I hope this helps! Feel free to reach out for any clarifications!

[itsmelloww]

Rambling: using Kilonotes for commonplacing and story boards 🔗

Downloaded Kilonotes the other day and it's like a 6/10 but still I've been enjoying it quite a lot and using it so much since i got it.

I'm a sort of a huge 'memory' hoarder and I LOVE storing and keeping track and referring to stuff that I enjoy, whatever that may be.

Been wanting for a while something that I could use to just chuck in loosely whatever I wanted to 'keep', like thoughts, artworks, quotes, pictures, messages, etcetcetc and the app has been working well for that. Its like a digital commonplace really.

TBF the fact that i cannot backup Kilonotes SUCKS sO MUCH and it has many more limitations - its def v poor still but hell, it does what i want it to do plus i can pdf download everything so that works for me for now

But yeah its been working so great.

I got a commonplace journal notebook where I just chuck in whatever , like me doing airdry clay, sticker orders that come in, cute interactions over tumblr, me being depressed, all the good and random stuff.

But i also created a notebook for one of my stories and ive been LOVING it cause for once i can just have a centralised space for all the reference material i find over the internet- usually id just have stuff saved on my camera roll (which ofc id never look at again) or pinned on pinterest or saved on ig or twitter and it just DOESNT work but this??

I love this <3 ; I can just have sections and slap pictures and reference material and its great cause it allows for better visualisation.

I had a bunch of outfits saved and ytd was bored so i created these simple oc character design boards and i loveee them. im such a visual person i just need to SEE things constantly to work as i wish to and this helps with that

but yeah i truly wish they develop it more cause i think it has Sooooo much potential and its already great ; have also tried other similar apps and ugh i hated them sm so theres that

(Also how cute and somewhat terrible is my dorohedoro clipart ackkk)

Side Note: im a HEAVY Notion user btw and im v much an expert at it by now, but its a bit... 'stiff' for me; like i need to SIT down to play with it, to create the tables and formulas and sort the clumns and whatnot, like it just needs effort which i appreciate actually! but it doesnt serve me in this case... ++ the app sucks. There's also canva but i literally CANNOT use canva regularly, I usually just use it to do whatever quick design or get some sort of reference material, but thats it. It's just also very... 'stiff' to me. Idk how to explain it. I just cant be quick with it, it doesnt work like that ++ i hate the constant reminder that I need to pay to use all the reference library it pisses me off. but i appreciate it for what it is ive also been using it for years.

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 19/10

That's true - we don't know for sure that Trollian can fully emulate Sburb's surveillance capabilities.

If the trolls were sufficiently motivated, though, they wouldn't actually need to. Sollux could probably hack one of the kids' computers, to gain access to their Sburb viewport - although if he did, he wouldn't need a camera to snoop on their messages.

Is there a paranoia Aspect? I think I've finally found my calling.

anonymous asked: heya! ive just finished re-reading your ENtIRE liveblog and i to send asks about some stuff but i waited to finish so im sendind everything at once! (im gonna send stuff in a bunch of small asks so cat can stop just one instead of the whole thing in case of accidental spoilers) (aslo hi cat!) (also its ninnoy, havent sent an ask in a while but i changed my pfp to something slightly more spoilery so im in anon now) [...] the jade pen pal thing, do you have any new theories on who it could be?

None! I'm sure that it's someone derived from Grandpa Harley, but everything else is a mystery.

I have no particular theories about who he is, how he knows Jade, where he got his hands on so many endgame weapons, or why he's got such an antiquated accent if he's watching movies from the 80s. I assume time travel is involved, but that doesn't really narrow anything down in a comic like this. He (she? they?) is a complete enigma, and I'll just have to wait to learn more.

ALsO WHEREs YOUR sONAs? we havent seen them in so long im afraid sahlle might have actueally died of meteor strike (joking of course) also have you realized that "sally" and "cat" are both one letter of from a valid kid name? you could lend her one of your "L"s

I've actually been workshopping some Quest stuff for Sahlee this week! I suppose I'd need to figure out her Title first, though, and for that, I'd need to get a more solid idea of her personality, and how her experiences on Alternia have shaped her.

in one of your last posts you seemed to imply that the multiverse exists inside the timeline, but ive always read it as the opposite, the timeline inside the universe that would explain why the trolls can pick any time from the humans universe to talk to them but cant have private conversations with their own futute/past selves, its not an inherent part of trollian, they are just outside the human timeline (the memos are still trollian being time fucky) dont know if that makes any difference but its a thought also i realize the tag may be unecessary due to my quirk, but its too late to stop now

(NOTE: quirk omitted for readability, but the substitutions are [t -> 7, s -> 2] - sort of a variant of Sollux's quirk. I actually don't think we've seen any quirks which add a 7, so the voice here is distinct from any trolls we've seen so far. I like it!)

Originally, my assumption was that each timeline contained a duplicate of the entire multiverse. Doomed timelines don't seem to let you communicate with other universes/dimensions, though, so they don't need to contain other sectors of reality. I'm currently of the opinion that doomed timelines only contain an instance of the dimension they were doomed in. The only timeline which contains the entire multiverse is the Alpha.

This mechanic keeps doomed timelines simple, but in-universe, I don't know why it exists. Much like the Alpha itself, it's a mystery I can only speculate about.

has the shipping chart been updated since the last time we saw it? also you (at some point) said that equius<>feferi was a controversial ship so i had to go back to check the notes and i was the only person i found talkig about it so i guess im the whole controversy? if thats the case i would like to thank you for recognizing me as the equius<>feferi number 1 hater (all jokes of course)

I got a few skeptical asks about Equius<>Feferi, but you're the only one who discussed it on the post itself. I guess by some measures, you are the most dedicated hater, because your hate was posted publicly! 🤣

I could make one or two changes, but I don't want to post a new chart until the kids meet the trolls in person, hopefully at the end of the Act!

The Scratch, naturally - but I'm also looking forward to seeing exactly how WV was Exiled. He's currently on Skaia, and Jack has lost interest in him, so who's actually sending him through the portal?

Tavros is barely a presence on the Land he's ostensibly the hero of, and all of his actions are being dictated by a third party who can physically control his body. This third party does not acknowledge or respect Tavros's own desires, effectively forcing him to play the game in a way that she personally approves of.

She claims it will make him stronger.

@bladekindeyewear submitted: That was a long, thorough, and fantastic response! It's fascinating seeing your opinion on these things-- and I'm glad to see that considering the questions we've given you seems to have made you more paranoid. But I'm just not entirely sure you're paranoid ENOUGH. Not yet. Much like how you just found that "BREEZE" quote in your Breath research, back at around the time you've now reached in the comic, we had dozens of theory-miners combing back through everything that had been said and shown in Homestuck, over and over again, searching for anything we might have missed that might have been of some importance. [...] So, uh….. how do I put this… Would you prefer to strictly handle that sort of thing all by yourself, as you've said? Which I'd agree is still the best way that you should keep to, for the most part? Or would you mind if I gave you just a CRUMB of an example, only one? A tiny bit of text that we in the theory community only found at about the time you've reached in the comic, even though it was more than a thousand pages earlier?

Shit, this is such a dilemma. I'm honestly really torn.

See, I'd probably find old fandom theories absolutely fascinating to analyze. I'd love to know how closely my ideas align with those of the early Homestuck fandom, and whether I'm saying anything really out-of-pocket. My analysis of Sollux's ~ATH script was apparently an original theory, and it's honestly one my proudest moments.

But that's also sort of the problem, isn't it? If I dive too deeply into other people's fan theories, they'll start to affect my own - and if I'm introduced to a really compelling fan theory, it could end up replacing any homegrown theories that I could have developed in lieu of it. If someone had send me a well-reasoned ~ATH theory before I did my own analysis, I'd probably have been less motivated to make the analysis in the first place. After all, many of my questions would already have been answered by a clever theory I just read.

People are free to send me their own off-the-cuff opinions on what's happening in the comic, or their own takes on any meta I write. I get a lot of asks like that, and they're some of my favorites.

Obviously there's a fine line here, and whether a given ask is a theory or just an opinion is a little subjective - but in my opinion, the influence that asks and submissions have had on my analysis has been relatively minor. I don't think many of my theories have been spawned from an ask, or killed by one.

This is a little different, though, because it's part of a theory that was crowdsourced over several years. It doesn't sound like something that could be inferred by an individual, so I'm not sure if it's something an individual liveblogger should necessarily know about? If I start crowdsourcing my analysis, my theories will be less Wertsearch and more fandom consensus, and I don't think I'd enjoy that as much.

I really want to know, but I think I'll enjoy the liveblog more if I don't. When I finish the comic, I'll gleefully analyze any fan theory that anyone sends me - but for now, I'll just have to wonder, and come up with theories of my own!

Yeah, we've really been getting into it with Vriska lately. I've enjoyed trying to explain and predict her actions, and I'm glad people don't think I'm going overboard when trying to analyze her.

When a character does something interesting, I don't like to move on until I have a theory about why they did it. Sure, it may be refuted later, but it needs to be something that's consistent with what I currently know about their personality.

Vriska takes a particularly long time to puzzle out in this way. Her motivations are derived from a complex web (lol) of factors, including Scratch, Spidermom, her rivalry with Terezi, her horrendous relationship with Tavros, classism, teenage hormones, quadrant politics, highblood society and the Alternian culture of violence. They all inform her decisions, and any combination of them could have been the catalyst for the latest Vriska Incident.

I want characters to make sense to me, and Vriska is written to deliberately challenge my attempt to achieve this. Her meta is fun to write, so I'm glad it's also fun to read!

[moltenwrites]

Thanks @nczaversnick for the tag!

I got tagged for a character name origins tag, but I did that very recently, and the post also mentioned talking about the characters origins, which I’ll gladly yap about!

The Artist

Gotta be honest, it feels odd that Ive BARELY talked about the artist here considering how important they are to How Our World Ended. The Artist is a God who can create universes, and observes them

The artist is a literal outline of a person, with a white line covering their eyes. They exist within a black void, as a result of destroying their own universe. The origin for this character is odd, and many years old, but I’ll try to get a good timeline.

Initially, they were just a character for me to project negative thoughts onto. Then, the idea of them being a creator of universes came into my mind. They were first put into a story during a OLD assignment which I unfortunately do not have access to anymore. While it was bad, it solidified the character in my mind. And they always stayed in the back of my mind, untill I came up with How Our World Ended. And considering how important they are to the ending, and hell, the universe of Souls Collide, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them ( random note, but I feel like the watcher from What If was a big inspiration of the concept )

RES

Ugh, so this one is a littttle embarrassing. A lot of my older ideas have evolved a lot, and that includes the early stages where they were inspired by some…. Odd stuff ( you don’t wanna know how souls collide itself started )

Anyways, if I remember right, I always liked the idea of doing a more medieval fantasy story. Souls Collide takes place in current times, so that line of thought was always an interesting thought experiment. Anyways, in 2021 I was watching the game awards because I had nothing better to do. I was kinda zoning out, untill the live performance of the song enemy started playing. And as it played, the premise of How our World Ended, or at least a rough outline, hit me. And as time went on, more music inspired more about the story. Hells coming with me by Poor Man’s Poison gave me an idea for a second half of the story that was, admittedly, terrible. But the ending, that was cool, and it stayed. That song also gave me the rough outline of what I wanted Res to be. A revenge fueled fire soul was how he initially was gonna be. But as time went on, a lot changed. I changed him to be an ice soul, as the protagonist of souls collide is already a fire soul, and I didn’t want to overlap that. Then, Res became more fueled by grief. Now, Res is cold and calculated. He works as a vigilante of sorts, and is far more caring once he gets to know someone.

Oof- that was long, I’ll do a quick lighting round of origins that are WAY shorter.

Salazar

Two big inspos for this guy. Firstly, I always wanted to do something similar to the organization 13 from kingdom hearts. Salazar, and his past in the council of fate, was initially gonna fill that role. Over time, the council shrunk and that role more fell to the gods. Then, for his explicit personality, it was heavily inspired by moon waltz by cojum dip. Something about it just fit the guy, and me misinterpreting the wrestling mask of the album cover as a masquerade mask 100% shaped both his chilling personality and his design

Nelios

Okay I think this one is just funny. So, I didn’t plan this book well. At all. I kinda just went “ fuck it “ and let it happen. That’s why the first draft is VERY rough atm. Anyways, Nelios wasn’t originally in the story at all. I was just gonna name drop him, and maybe give him a scene or two, but when I wrote a full chapter of him, I loved him so much, he became VITAL to the story. His personality came from a mix of “ how can I make an arrogant asshole likable? “ and “ how can one make this guy a fun ass character to write “

Okay I rambled for WAYYY to long there, but I have a lot to say haha. Anyways, tag list time.

Tagging @aintgonnatakethis @ddgraywrites @jjoneswriting @revenantlore @noxxytocin @yourpenpaldee @illarian-rambling @theverumproject @autism-purgatory @gioiaalbanoart @the-letterbox-archives

@mk-writes-stuff

+ OPEN TAG

[halfsizehellboy]

oh man okay. more thinking

hot shit do i feel enlightened bc audhd House makes so much sense to me!!! he surrounds himself with chaos and novelty and stimulation but still adheres to things that don't change-- his apartment, when he lives in it, it always set up the same way. it's mentioned he's had the same guitar for many years, as well as numerous medical texts. He uses his same red mug all the time at the hospital (he has a designated hospital mug. it lives at the hospital and he only uses it at the hospital). he is very adamant about his office space-- it only changes drastically for him in season 8. just before he leaves. he and Wilson have a fun schedule-- bowling nights, poker nights, etc-- and he does spontaneous stuff all the time, but he orchestrates it. he enacts enrichment time for his fellows and Wilson. he canonically spaces out during/stops processing conversations all the time because he's thinking. he will forget to do basic things while on cases, and there's that one episode where he stays up all night because he's cooking something. he is the king of "shit i forgot to eat. i forgot to shower and pee. i forgot--"

while im thinking of eating!! he has that bad hunger recognition. he will forgo eating for days for cases, fixations, pain levels. he usually eats off of wilson's plate anyways, and i think wilson mainly eats because he's made it part of routine, and that if he forgets to eat house definitely forgets to eat, and that usually ends badly. i dont think house has any specific avoidances but he does usually go for pizza, or anything wilson's made. he likes fries.

the adhd bit makes him more prone to addiction (it's a real thing) and he does show those behaviors (vicodin, alcohol). he has to have either the puzzles or the substances, taking him off both fucked with him a lot (mayfield and afterwards). in prison he got managed doses of vicodin, and he was getting antsy and desperate for the challenge of a good case towards the end of that arc. he all but jumps on that heat allergy guy, risking his chances of parole multiple times to try and get close. side note, did y'all see his equation scribblings on the wall by his bunk? hes so silly

ive also been thinking like. we see very large-scale self destructive behaviors from nearly everyone in the show but we don't see a lot of self-regulation outside of house's stimming so that means i get to make up my own and project onto wilson.

wilson spends a lot of time masking at work so we don't see him fully let loose and i think that he is a fan of full body movement. he's jumping up and down. he's pacing the apartment and swingin his arms. he sways and rocks in place. at the hospital and places that aren't safe he keeps the stim energy to his hands/fingers, or taps his foot/bounces his leg-- things easy enough for neurotypicals to pass off as nervous energy. he loves to click pens but he only does it when he's alone or with house because he knows that other people find it annoying (house doesn't care, he starts clicking/tapping too and it's like they're drumming together). he and house learned morse code and annoy the ducklings and cuddy with it all the time.

bad times wilson scratches a lot (this is me projecting btw). at his scalp, at his arms, anywhere he can get to; and usually he's self conscious enough to do it where he can hide it under his clothes (house is unaffected and can tell anyways)(usually because he's there trying to help wilson stop scratching)(but if he's not he can still tell and wilson doesn't wanna know how). he also presses/rubs his face a lot (in general and not just bad times wilson), and bad times wilson gets abrasions on his eyelids/cheeks from his sweatshirt when he has a meltdown. i've seen another person talk about this, but i think he absolutely tears his cuticles up. he's managed to stop biting/tearing his nails down to nothing but between vigorous scrubbing for the OR and not liking lotion (sensory bad. i need it for my arms and the backs of my hands sometimes and i always wipe it off of my palms and fingers) his hands are so dry. house makes fun of him but he does carry around a nail file because he's trying to stop picking at his fingers regularly, and limit it to a bad times emergency regulatory behavior.

house fights meltdowns to the death. he hates having them, he hates having to be vulnerable like that (and that's a canonical trauma response). he has held one off through sheer will for an entire week before wilson called out sick for him and made him take a day off. they ended up taking a long weekend to recover. on the occasion they're both melting down at the same time, it's a multiple days affair. wilson will recognize what's happening and try to make sure everything in the apartment is low effort and accessible from the floor because house's meltdowns are more often than not pain response and that means that house stays on the floor. and when wilson is melting /neg he doesn't want to leave house. on a sillier(?) note they have a tally/competition for shortest meltdown (wilson), longest meltdown (house), fastest to meltdown (house), longest amount of time spent holding off a meltdown (house), most efficient meltdown (wilson), and most meltdowns located in the hospital (wilson).

man i'm gonna have to make a fic for this, it's getting wild just on posts

[polyhexian]

hellloooo!!! i was a big fan of your fics from i think over a year ago (?) now and then my life got busy and i couldnt keep up w your newer fics :( i just wanted to say reading mh and eventually with sooo many consecutive chapters has been an absolute delight, not only is it a brilliant read with such fantastic ideas (you bet ive caught up on as much jasper lore as i can find under the tags) but youre such a consistent writer i was shocked to see the times between the chapters postings!! how do you do it? my writing style changes per MINUTE im very impressed!!!! this is so cool!!!

ps. i was wondering if you ever plan to write more oneshots about hunter in the canon universe (ish, ykwim!!), or if youve moved on now to your own aus?? no complaints either way i LOVEEE all your toh work, but your vee & hunter fics DO hold a special place in my toh-based heart and i was wondering if there'd ever be more?

I think one of my strengths is that I'm good at changing styles, both at writing and art! It's obviously a lot more noticeable in art, so I've gotten lots of comments from people who are used to seeing one style from me really surprised to see me do stuff that looks totally differently. I think I'm pretty good at it in writing, too! I've got lots of fics written totally differently and I hope they're all good. I think my second person work is my best though, teehee.

I've been jasperbrained for awhile but I DO actually have a ton of ideas I've scribbled in my notes for non jasper fanfics in my notes, even if I haven't written them. AND I've actually got a vee and hunter fic I've got outlined that I've been rotating in my head recently that I just need to sit down and DO but I totally do intend to. I think it's gonna be a really good one. It's about like, how and why vee is able and willing to forgive him even though he killed one of the other basilisks, how she could not only forgive him but live and trust him as a beloved brother. Cuz it's something I have a lot of feelings about, like, vee, who she is, how she thinks, her reasoning and her feelings. And I really wanna share them!!!!

I don't know if I'm really gonna post lots of non au toh fics again like I was... I have a tendency to go through cycles. ADHD brain. So like six months, a year, I will do One Thing and absolutely nothing else. Like I will be writing fanfic obsessively or I'll be animating 12 hours a day and nothing else or I will do nothing but original content or nothing but a fandom. And unfortunately I do not control the brain fjejfjfn rip. So I cannot predict if my brain will decide I'm allowed to again or not! But whatever the brain says I can do I hope is good and will be enjoyed by someone, but also I totally understand when it's like "welp. That is definitely not something I'm here for" lol. I am always swinging around between stuff.

[fictionfixations]

LMAO ZEN (doesnt it happen for everyones routes though? i havent done like another story yet tho)

anyway before i get into talking about jumin (as the route im on rn) i wanted to wonder

yknow how certain things happen but only on someones route?

like zen has the echo girl thing, idk what yoosung has i forgor but i think jaehee had that one project??? that got her interested in like coffee stuff? jumin has the arranged marriage?? and seven has like. well. the hacker stuff.

but it never gets mentioned on someone elses route ? i dont think? i feel like itd be more cooler if it was all happening at once as like little references (but either something they can handle or cant handle outside of the route. just like maybe a vague mention of trouble to interest the player in that route, while still making sense from like a timeline standpoint???)

like. people doing things but its not because youre the one pushing it towards that. i like that more. and im curious how chaotic itd be

anyway

JUMIN. (disclaimer: I dont like him)

WARNING i start venting in this post. theres only one mention of a triggering thing (which is warned before the actual vent part but i dont want to put here to bring the mood down more cause in all honesty im over it. im just kind of projecting.)

i think ive said before how i can understand the liking of possessive partners

but. okay maybe its just that i dont like jumin as much as the others but. this is kinda way too much. or maybe its that i value my own independence a whole lot or maybe its because i really dont like the thing with his cat (and i LIKE cats. so giving me a character who likes cats and making me not like them??? ahgeiudhf)

like 'dont leave or ill go insane and make your face known everywhere so i can find you again' like the fuck no w h y CAN I LEAVE

I want to leave i dont care if i get the bad ending get me out of here 😭 (actually i think the bad ending mightve been if we encouraged being compared to like his cat and like. was willing to stay forever.)

e w NO like CHILL

maybe. im. being too extreme. and im just too on edge. but like. can you not. i am not your property?? i am not an object??

now LISTEN i understand marking. like like yknow biting and so and so as like a claim over your partner. and now that? thats hot and i like that. but thats ONLY for the bedroom there comes a point where too much of a thing is a bad thing

ALSO we've known each other how many days has it been. eight?? WE've known each other EIGHT days dont be horny bonk

g o o d . this is good.

STOP. dont talk like you know whats best for a person. like its some thing that'll happen, not a what if.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. now if he was being more weird id say go home but hes. OKAY. ish. now. like hes trying. and anyway getting him to not do it takes time. and also this is a game of romance fantasies where creepy shit gets played off as kinky or something. (not a jab towards mysme its just the kind of thing its trying to do which can result in uncomfortable parts if you take off your rose-tinted glasses of wOAH ROmANCE. its expected since ppl think certain things are hot when in reality its kind of very not that great)

…CAN I GO HOME???? like BRUH im not gonna accept you just cause you do so and so

why does this feel like a 'nice guy'. maybe this is my bad because this is making me really want to leave buth gdiuhfuih

trigger warning. i vent. mention of kermit sewer slide but nothing actual.

ive been pushing the 'stay here to help jumin feel more calm' but. i do also need to prioritize my own well being and my well being is not happy here rn 😭 (on a serious note though while its important to be there for your partner, its NOT a good thing to give everything to make sure your partners okay, because y'all are equals and as you help them stand they need to help you stand too or you'll collapse under all that and it really wont be a good time. im telling you its very draining. and why i promote the idea of get your shit together before you get with someone because there comes a point where you can be too dependent on your partner which isnt good for you or for them [and they can feel hesitant to express their feelings because they dont want to hurt you, or hesitant to do anything too stressful because theyre like that support pillar for them, and they dont want to do anything that causes otherwise because they dont want their partner to get hurt. it can also mean they go along with what the other wants even if they dont really want to because they dont want to hurt them. am i projecting? ithink im projecting. cause like. ive been there. and honestly i think it kind of fucked me up cause there was like a power imbalance in that one was significantly more fragile and vulnerable then the other, which made me feel like i should be going along with it because i didnt want them to be hurt when they didnt have anyone else they could rely on but me. [i tried to get them to make more friends cause relying on a single person is very unhealthy but no dice] but that also meant that they didnt respect my boundaries or respect me when i say no and instead just gave off excuses to make me change my mind or made me feel like i had to do what they wanted or theyd deliberately hurt themself. so.. it was a lot. anyway it really fucked me up cause i felt like i was in the wrong for not going along with it. blah blah blah. we split. i genuinely have no idea if it was true or not but they'd started saying things to make me feel bad and just not a fun time at all. they were probably in a really dark time in their life but im gonna be honest. i dont know in what scenario its okay to go 'im gonna kermit sewer slide if you dont [blah blah blah]'. so yknow. and this is not really the same but it still feels the same in walking all over boundaries and lines and is especially why i do not like this character a bit. yay trauma.])

i might actually get a bad ending because i. really dont like this.

[omophagic-beast]

for the tarot rpg ask game! The Fool, The Empress, The Hierophant, The Chariot, The Hanged Man, The Devil, The Tower, The Star, The Sun!

!!! wowow hi!! thank you for all the questions, im gonna put them under a read more as to not clog up peoples dashes

from this ask game

The Fool – What do the earliest stages of work on a game look like for you? OR How did you get into game design?

i have a notes discord server! and a channel in there specifically for game ideas. previously i had a big word document titled "game ideas", but its easier to access discord from my phone lol

usually i have an idea and i stick it in there first

heres the start of the pillars of creation :3

and then ill noodle around with it, just brainstorm and slap spaghetti around. this is another reason why i like discord for this at the moment, its informal and easy, much less daunting than a word doc

i didnt end up using most of the bits here lol

and then ill move it into a word doc once its clear that ive got an actual project / game starting to form!

the one problem with this is sometimes ill keep an idea in there for much longer than i should and it becomes a mess of me replying to myself, terrible to follow. this is the current problem with moonlight whaling, sigh

The Empress — Where do your ideas come from? OR Do you seek out or avoid inspiration while working on an idea?

a lot of places!! tumblr being one of them, sometimes ill see a post where im like "huh that could be a game in some way" and ill stick it in my notes discord for later. but really anything, books, movies, songs, other games. im not the first to say this but u gotta read / watch / experience new things to make new things

The Hierophant — Who is a fellow game designer you’ve learned a lot from? OR What is a piece of popular wisdom about games you think is nonsense?

i answered the second one here so ill answer the first!

ive learned a lot from any designer whos game ive played or read, to start. but i wanna shout out @thydungeongal on here, her posts abt game design and rollmaster / d&d are highly highly fascinating and helpful to me, as a guy who hasnt even played d&d let alone any old school stuff and just kinda jumped into the indie scene from the start.

kinda makes me wanna play rollmaster, ngl. whats it doin with all those mechanics and tables =w=

The Chariot — What is the next project you’re planning to start OR What is the next project you’re excited to finish?

this has been my big question to myself recently, what game to really focus in on next. i have games that just need to be finished, but i think my next one* is gonna be this time travel game ive been thinking of

working title is Hooked, and the reason i think im going to start (and finish) it next is cause ive already got the main mechanic figured out, where when you fail a roll you can choose to create a hook, and in doing so succeed the roll

but that hook is a place where a future you has traveled back to that point in time and given you what you needed to succeed, which means at some point youre going to have to come back and close the loop, or else risk creating a paradox

too many paradoxes and the universe explodes so like. be careful :3!

it is going to be a lot of work, i want the general aesthetic to be the journal of a time traveler, with notes from all their future and past selves scrawled in the margins in different colors. and theres the question of if its a solo game or multiplayer, or both. solo-friendly is my current thought, but encouraged for more than one person. but we'll see how it actually plays.

The Hanged Man — What other creative pursuits do you have? OR What current trends in game design are you most interested in?

someone should ask me this again cause i wanna answer the other one also :3c

but! i have a crochet project on the mind so i wanna talk abt other stuff im into also :3

im currently considering ADHD and how it could possibly relate to myself, so just keep that in mind when i say ive dipped my paws into a whoooole lot of different creative hobbies. sewing, knitting, pottery, bookbinding, needle felting, jewelry making, and yea, crochet, are all stuff ive been into at one point or another

but my favorites are crochet and cooking / baking. for most of my life i thought my career was gonna be in food service! ive been a baker, cake decorator, and diner cook before, and loved all three of those jobs.

and crochet is great mainly cause you can make stuffed animals / amigurimis >:33 i loooove little guys and being able to choose what soft yarn im gonna make em out of, though its been a minute since ive made one. but!! like i mentioned ive got a project on the mind, as im gonna try and make the "something strange and indescribable" from the Before the Flood backerkit campaign and im very excited abt it :3 stay tuned for posts abt my success or failure on this front

The Devil — What motifs or mechanics do you just keep coming back to? OR What is a game you’ve enjoyed playing in the last year?

NIGHTHAWKS by @titanrpg is really really good. it has a heart in it, one that beats at an all too-familiar rhythm. when i played it we told a story that was perhaps a touch too close to home as well, disparate sad people sitting several stools apart at a dive bar in a small town.

i have a tendency towards comedy when i play ttrpgs, but my favorite moments are all when ive been deeply serious and sad, and thats what i got from NIGHTHAWKS

The Tower — Talk about about a game you tried to make that crashed and burned.

center of the known universe was an anthology of games i wanted to make a while back, all inspired by the part of the nevadan desert i live in. i dont think its crashed and burned necessarily but i certainly never finished it and im not sure i ever will, though i still like the ideas for some of the games and may release them individually

The Star — Talk about a game you’re working on and what excites you about it.

a game ive been working on for a looong time that i dont think ive really talked abt on here is The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused. its a descended from the queen game based on The Lady or The Tiger? short story, where (to put it very briefly) a king has created a new form of justice where the accused is put in an arena with two identical doors in front of them.

behind one door, a lady of an appropriate social standing for them to marry, behind the other a very hungry tiger. this leaves the verdict up to fate, for if the accused is innocent they will surely pick the door with the lady, and if they are guilty they will choose the door with the tiger.

but the accused in the story is also the lover of the lands princess, and when they look back at her for the last time she raises a hand and points towards one of the doors.

the question in the story is one of love. would the princess rather see her lover dead, or married to someone else?

what comes through the door, the lady or the tiger?

but! there are other characters in this story, with agency and lives of their own.

The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused instead asks a question of trust. when The Accused looks back towards their princess, and she raises her hand, do they trust her? do they open the door that she points towards?

its a game for three players, with each person playing one of the titular characters. it uses the descended from the queen format to create the character of the princess throughout play, along with the characters of The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused.

its a good game!! ive got a bit more work to do on it, mainly on the tiger role. not everyone is comfortable being an actual tiger and role playing scenes that involve communicating with humans or attending parties and such, it turns out.

but im really excited abt it overall :3 its good and fun and i think it uses the descended from the queen format really well and hopefully one day ill do a crowdfunding project for it and get enough money to hire a bunch of different artists to make princess illustrations for it >:333

The Sun — Talk about a game you’ve made that you’re proud of.

im proud of all of my games, in one way or another. but, with an obligatory Before the Flood mention (crowdfunding now!), im really and truly proud of my body is your body is our body is

it was my first kinda big game that i published, and there was a lot of stuff with the first edition i really wasnt super happy with. im really, really proud of myself for finally going back in this year and fixing it. its so much better now! in a lot of ways.

and i mean it was good to start with also, most of my problems were with the programming side of it. when i was making the second edition reading back through the game made me cry a bit lol. theres a lot of banger lines in there and a lot of feelings.

[nicomrade]

so i reread the scott pilgrim comics this week for the first time since 2019? lots of stuff happened in my life in-between + i learned to actually like, pay attention when reading so this specific reread felt really important to me- the issue of reading it in french for the first time aside. heres some misc thoughts i had while reading! some of this stuff is drawing from conversations about the comics ive had with people over the years, i dont mean to break any new ground here, and i dont have a specific lense to look at the comics through so its not structured like analysis either. full thoughts under the cut! i hope you all like going on this little trip with me ^-^

so first of, the X motif! this i KNOW i saw someone else talk about. it comes up first on scott's jacket with the X-men patch (and it comes up again in that context- "then wolverine is crucified on a big X") and also on knives' scott-shrine, her dad slashes an X over scott's picture. these are the two biggest exemples but there really are Xs constantly in the imagerie of the comics, which is great and i love. the comic is about fighting ramona's exs, and this is foreshadowing that scott himself will be one, but its also generally about the baggage that comes with existing. at its core its really comics about dealing with whats over, so we get into scotts relationships w envy & kim & knives (& ramona), but we also get into his relationship with lisa (what couldve been) we also see him move flats (the end of an era!), in volume 1 scott tells knives about the house he grew up in that now belongs to another family, scott breaking his bass & no longer being in a band, etc. theres sooooo many flashback sequences in these comics and references to the past… its all about the X.!

loosely related in the foreshadowing department there are genuinely so many background details of stories about people who dont matter to the comics that foreshadow later developments. the details of why Crash & the Boys changed drummers is straight up the dynamics of Clash at Demonhead, theres the Lucas Lee movie on the BG thats visually identical to scotts memory of when he got with kim- and the reveal that the lady in that movie wasnt dead is arguably foreshadowing for scott reviving in volume 6? if you know whats happening in the story, rereading the volumes really is so rewarding. it also helps on a first read cause unconsciously its not the first time you're hearing about these ideas so theyre easier to digest & accept. this is also what the character explicitely referencing what will happen later is for- "i wonder how the Boys & Crash can do music without instruments- maybe it will be relevant later in the evening" "i'd need a deus ex machina to beat todd", these help you accept when these things do seemingly "come out of nowhere" later in the scene (and poke cheerful fun at it lol these are fun comics)

a personal fave of mine is the phrase "read the comic sometime" thats repeated in the early volumes at characters who werent there for something. its 4th-wall breaking, its fun, it nicely tells lost readers where to head to without re-dumping exposition, AND it helps keep track of who was where for what scenes … stuff like "when did stacey & ramona become friends??" or "i cant believe this is stacey & neils first meeting!" or "wallace was already introduced to ramona earlier" … its all fun and helps you stay on the ride. i think this is why i would read the comics back to back to back to back and retained very little. its easy to passively read these comics and its not a bad thing! though it is better to actively read them, and take these notes as fun jokes & reminders, and not life boats.

the 4th wall breaks are also great for the side characters having their own lives in the background. there are a lot more time indications in scott pilgrim than i remembered, if youre paying attention i think its really really easy to have a nice timeline in your head. but when stuff is broken to scott its not "i started dating mobile during X month" or "i came out X months ago" its "i started dating mobile during volume 3" and "i came out during volume 5" that way the reader can more easily relate it to the story that was happening at the time- and to keep in mind during a volume reread. its not a writing technique for EVERY comic, but its something that scott pilgrim gets to have BECAUSE its a comic- and unapologetically so! this is not a work that wants to be more novel than graphic to be taken seriously. its a comic, and its silly, and its also a work of art, and you have to respect it on its own terms.

theres also, uhm, ill be quick on this point cause its kind of weird how lesbians/sapphics are handled in the comics. its not BAD but theres clearly a bias towards male homosexuality being fleshed out and lesbianism not so much. but so the start of volume 4 is when kim & knives make out and it really starts this obsession in scott about this thing he cannot tell anyone about but is still thinking about, that prepares for roxies introduction- ramonas ex girlfriend. that i believe is also when wallace first asks if scotts broken out the "L-word" yet and it gives more context to scott assuming its lesbians? and him then going all "why does everyone keep asking me about lesbians!" but it is also kind of weird re: lesbian fetishism (which IS pointed out with scotts weird poster that no one likes but thats it). and all that with ZERO canon lesbians! roxie is pretty bi-coded i would say with her insistance on being "HALF-ninja", but ramona is described as an american ninja in the early volumes so its kind of loose. idk its weird and i like to think julie came out as a lesbian cause stephen & her being a comphet4comphet couple is really good to me

a thing id never noticed before is that julie was suspecting stephen of having views on knives during volume 4? and its why she was so shitty to knives for a while there, and then its "worked out" at the end of the volume. this feeds into the constant fear of cheating during the story, theres of course todd & scott who do cheat, but also more grey areas of relationships. im thinking of ramonas anxieties around lisa, and when scott finds out roxie stayed over at ramona's. about stephen too, his response to julie apologizing for being jealous of knives is very… uncomfortable

"i have nothing to fear!" "right yeah..." surely because hes starting to realize hes gay, and possibly because he's already vaguely started seeing joseph. we dont get more details on his relationships i am not going to accuse him of cheating LOL. i truly dont care. but its an anxiety that comes up again and again whenever relationships are starting to turn sour- "are they cheating?" and having been in my 20s for a little bit yeah i get it. scott not telling ramona about his job- not telling her much of ANYTHING during vol 4- and ramona not sharing much either are also part of this. theres a reason all of this happens in volume 4, and next volume ramona finds out scott cheated on knives with her. loss of intimacy and the breakdown of dialogue is all part of cheating anxieties, whether there is actual cheating or not. "what do i not know? what else are they keeping from me? they dont talk to me but they talk to them? are they cheating on me?"

theres a really neat thing the comics do to show the breakdown of scott and ramona's relationship in volume 5 and its the scene where ramona goes shopping and scott tags along. she spends it not saying anything (until she tells scott she doesnt even like his band) and scott obsessively talking about his comics (X-men!) while she doesnt look particularly interested.

this is the scene where scott breaks up with knives again!!! the roles are reversed, scott is now the one talking about whatever while his girlfriend's unresponsive, and obviously ramona doesn't break up with him here and there, and they dont kiss in a goodwill, but the ressemblance is there. and like with the knives breakup scene, we have a good date variant of this! its their very first date from the first volume where scott does mostly talk about himself but ramona is having fun joking with him. here we are shown their relationship slowly crumbling and it lays the ground for ramona leaving at the end of the volume.

similarly to how scott battles all of ramonas evil exs (himself included), ramona does face all of scott's own exs. its not as spectacular but we see her fight knives in volume 2, then she fights envy in volume 3. we also have her comment on kim that she does like her (same with lisa, who is not strictly an ex but emotionally is treated as such. especially with how scott sleeping over at lisa's is paralleled with roxie sleeping over at ramona's) these are not comments she makes about stephen or julie, for exemple, its specifically women who had a close relationship with him. and uhm ramona also comments on liking wallace who- again- is not STRICLY an ex, but hes also part of that volume 4 cheating anxieties conversation, wallaces incessant flirting, mobile himself jokes (?) about finding wallace in the arms of another man, etc. but most convincingly to ME because we are talking about EXs here is the flashback of wallace inviting himself at scotts house being identical to lisas scene of inviting herself at scotts, scott saying the story of how he ended up living with wallace is "somewhat gay", and the general college flashbacks.

i think this points to scott & wallace having briefly dated in the past, or (because hes paralleled with lisa) having a "what couldve been" relationship where they didnt make anything of it and now the time window's passed and emotionally? kind of feels like an ex. and if anything they ARE ex-roommates lol. this is not a scollace truthing thing, im a firm mobillace guy ok -_- im just saying its there. back to the point of ramona facing scott's exs as well, YES i am including herself in it. her going to the wilderness during vol6 parallels scott going to the countryside, the very place he faces negascott properly. and the way ramona talks when she comes back its easy to see that she did face herself on that trip. & the figurines agree with me that the idea of a negaramona does exist :)

thats more or less all i had in mind, i also feel like i was finally able to properly enjoy the themes of the comics of facing your own shittiness and doing better, of the harms of being stuck in your own head, of never ending up like gideon (who is so attached to his exs that he literally cryogenizes them!) the warning of rewriting your own memories (or at least biased recollections of it) uhm how breakups suck! and how cheating is not always black & white but also fucking sucks !! being out of school (wanting to go back to school?) and looking for jobs- and yes if scotts life had a face i would punch it too its literally unfair how easily everything goes for him on that front, even freeloading with wallace (<- jealous). envys obsession with a guy who is so obviously shitty but who shes been best friends with since they were 11 is also kind of… ooh i get it now…. its yeah. i think they really are comics for being in your 20s, a lot about dating? but its so generally about human relationships and dealing with your baggage, i think it is still relatable without the specific romantic relationship experience.? i love these comics. everyone read scott pilgrim if you havent in a while (or ever!!!!) and try to think a little about it as you read it really is so worthwhile. and if anything theyre insanely funny, and wallace is there!

[gayteddy]

2024 was a really terrible year but a few really good things happened that made it all worth it. and so im glad that ive been able to survive and continue living and i hope 2025 is a little easier to get through but regardless we will all be okay<3

commence nightly teddy journal

the year started out really rough with me being in and out of work and then finally getting fired in early summer. and honestly the second half of the year truly felt three times as long i feel like its been a full year if not more since i got fired. not a couple months.

got denied for disability + reapplied and am now halfway through the process again.... reconnected with my step mom which? was not Terrible. a very loaded thing to be sure but. im okay with our relationship right now. i guess. JKLFDJGKDFJG

i started working with my current therapist this year too and shes been so wonderful. i feel like ive been able to make a lot of meaningful progress on processing stuff and its helpful for me to have a Scheduled Time to sort of ground myself every week. its easy for me to get caught up in my thoughts if i dont have "a reason" to lay everything out.

my younger brother became homeless and temporarily moved in with us this year which. has been very stressful and upsetting. and kind of triggering as well. i wont go full vent in here but ive been homeless before and so it brings up a lot of bad memories. but hes doing okay and working on getting a job + housing.

i didnt Meet alynn this year but we got together at the very end of last year and being able to be with him for this year has been amazing. ive learned a lot about myself through our relationship and have been able to do so many creative things with him and jude its been a dream.

me and jude hit 5 years this year too which is so crazy. i will truly never understand people who complain about their partners or talk about how hard it is to live with them bc living + being with jude has always been the most natural thing in the world to me.

stella turned 2 this year! getting her was the best decision ever she brings me so much happiness and joy every single day. shes my precious baby and i adore her so so so much.

and finally and possibly the biggest thing that happened this year. i started a new pain medication that also works as an antidepressant and finally came out of a depression i didnt even know i was having. for the last like 3 years ive struggled to do anything creatively. i havent written or drawn and ive struggled to interact with my interests at all. and i just kind of assumed i had changed as a person and that was who i Was now.

and so breaking out of that literally changed my entire view on life. im creating art again. im drawing and writing and Talking. im making new friends. im talking to existing friends more. this is truly the best note 2024 could possibly end on. i feel full of hope for next year and for the things ill be able to do.

im scared for this upcoming year but im hopeful too. because i know even if more bad things happen ill still have the good things too.

[77ngiez-archive]

i don't know shit about the mormon religion but tbh ur posts about it have me thinking about looking into it since ive been on and off looking for a religion that fits me. do you have recommendations on where to start?

anon this made me so happy and excited u have no idea. i will answer the ask under the cut cos its gonna get. long

alright! so! quick (2 paragraph lol sorry) crash course! the mormon church is more formally known as The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. this is noted bcs i think its important to know that the church Is a branch of christianity!

the main difference between the church and other branches of christianity is that we believe that we have the restored gospel! to elaborate, we believe that during the years christ was gone, his church and doctrine began falling apart - misinterpretation, mistranslation, etc, all playing a role. the power of both the aaronic priesthood and the melchezidic priesthood was lost. sure, we also have the book of mormon (+ the doctrine&covenants and the pearl of great price), but the reason we have those in the first place is because the priesthood was restored to us.

the subtitle of the book of mormon is "another testemant of jesus christ". basically, you know all those times that jerusalem got destroyed in the old testemant? well, one of those times, this guy lehi takes his family and his pals and goes to the american continent! and then the book of mormon chronicles what happened to him and his many descendants, ending when they all... destroyed each other in war. the doctrine&covenants and the pearl of great price are both stuff from the prophets and apostles in the early days of the church! also, joseph smith (the "founder" of the church) did a retranslation of some parts of the bible. pretty neat!

now that thats out of the way, ur question - where to learn more! if there's a mormon church anywhere in your area (which is pretty likely, esp if u live in the usa) then you can reach out to that church and/or any missionaries on the area! u can attend church at a mormon church without being a member, and plenty of ppl do! ppl r very welcoming there! the missionaries can always teach u more! also, if u download the lds gospel library app (or use the library), u have access to all the lds materials! this is the bible, book of mormon, etc, but other stuff too. for example, theres the 3-volume book "saints" which is all about church history! its very detailed but not hard to listen to or read at all, and it focuses on individuals to help paint the story of how the church formed and was built (i love saints if u cant tell)

i love being mormon and wouldnt trade it for anything. however i feel like warning u that at the moment, the church has a bit of a toxic culture regarding queer stuff, and it can be rlly hard to deal with esp as a queer person who genuinely believes in all the true concepts that the church upholds. but! its absolutely not impossible! #queerstake right here on tumblr is a shining example <3

anyway im only one mormon teenager on the internet, so id suggest checking out the gosepl library, talking to missionaries, and even attending a session on sunday to see what its like if u feel like it. also go ahead and look thru the #queerstake and #tumblrstake tags, bcs theres a lot of both rlly good insight and rlly good community there! feel free to reach out to other posters in that tag for more info if this wasn't sufficient ^^ and good luck, anon!!