#also oh my GODS i am having SUCH FEELINGS about the ''wish i'd taken the path not taken no wait no i don't then he would have to!''

[yorsgirl]

Yan!Heian!Sukuna and with Y/N?

Lately, whenever Darling got pregnant she ended up having countless miscarriages, the longest lasting at least 3 months, Sukuna began to suspect these countless coincidences.

He doesn't care about these losses since he didn't want to share Y/N with some brat, but he found it very strange that every time she got pregnant resulted in a miscarriage, so he started investigating and finally found out why this was happening.

He discovered that Y/N was causing her own miscarriages, as she knew that the last thing the world needed was Sukuna's descendants, so he finally confronts her but with that damn psychological terror that he loves to do to her.

Oh my, I love love love this idea!!

I kinda went out on this one, but I hope I did justice to what you were aiming at. Hope you like it :) Also I am sorry for being so late

Playing God

Yandere!Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: It was a gamble, he was willing to make. To keep you with him, forever, as he wanted. Needed. You had to realize that no other heaven except his arms would be comforting. Even if that meant, breaking your very soul.

Tropes: Dark Romance, horror, angst

Warnings: Implied nsfw(forced), mentions of pregnancy, miscarriage, abduction, cannibalism and isolation. Trauma, mild stockholm syndrome, yandere themes, minor character death(s), gore, gaslighting, manipulation, misogyny, blood, degradation(non-kinky), patriarchal society, unhealthy relationship, implied child birth.

General warnings: Yandere!True form!Husband!Sukuna, Wife!Reader, Heian Era, both Sukuna and reader are a red flag on their own, usage of nicknames, no mentions of y/n.

Word Count: 9.7k

You were digging your own grave.

So you shouldn't have been surprised that your wish would be granted. Yet, if you could have one wish then you'd wish for freedom but no- freedom was a forfeited dream, far beyond your reach. Consideration of that one would never be fruitful. You are trapped even in your dreams.

Playing with fire only gets you burnt.

For long, you played this game and this- this was your compensation. For everything you had done until now, all you are returned with was abandonment. Not that supposedly, betrayal, yes. More appropriate.

Flames surrounded you, crawling up your skin, the screams piercing your ears, your chest heaved up and down. Gaze, once settled on your hearth, now all you saw was the burning hut, the crackling of embers reached your ears. Attire and hands stained with blood of the insolent. The warning shouldn't have been taken lightly. Should have known, the extent of his power.

Eyes held terror, fright, regret- whatever you could name. The multitude of names you received seemed no more than a distant dream, nowhere to be found. All were running away - expectable.

You expected calamity, but you were calm.

Everything went down in flames. Save for you, you weren't burning. Not an spark touched your skin. Was it the distance or the control? Who knows. But one confirmation which you held was that tonight you won't die. Not so soon either.

Careful, not all Gods are worshipped.

The words rang in your ears and as if on cue, you found him again.

In this reverie of madness, he held your sight when you attempted to turn - the eyes tinted with crimson.

.

"I am sorry for your loss, m'lady."

You had seen it all.

You had your fair share of encounters, received news and such. Women losing their mind and sanity after delivered with a news this devastating. Notably, no woman would feel any bliss after knowing that they had lost their child. Lost the chance of motherhood before experiencing it. Violent outbursts was the most probable outcome.

"This is a hard time," The midwife spoke softly. "Yet, you shouldn't neglect your health."

You perceived the softness to be fear. She must have had dealt with situations like these, most of them traumatizing as you assumed. Perhaps, she expected the same from you too.

You tore your gaze off her, leaning back on your bedframe, "I'd like to be left alone."

Your declaration was answered with compliance. Offering a humble bow, she bid you farewell, walking out of your chambers. Once her footsteps seized, you finally let your guard down. Breathing out a sigh of relief, you laid back down on your bed.

"Good riddance," You muttered to yourself. Moments of such vulnerability wasn't rare, considering you were served with loneliness, lately. Save for the times you spent in the presence of Sukuna. His decree, one might say. Your attention shouldn't be wasted on anyone but him. You scoffed recalling his words. Involuntarily, you stroked your belly, the corner of your lip curled up.

Once a house to life, given by your husband; now lay vacant from your doing.

A twisted sense of pride swelled up in your chest, a wide grin stretching on your face. You were successful in your quest, again. Mercilessly, you uprooted the seed of your husband's lineage.

Perhaps, you've truly gone sick.

Yet, this revolt of feelings were miles lesser than the repugnant you encountered when you realized your first pregnancy. You were on the brink of clawing out the creature growing in your womb. You'd have torn it apart with while revelling in the joy of watching its blood drip down on the face of Earth. If not for Sukuna's presence in the room, you might've gone through it.

You lost a fragment of yourself, that day.

Throwing up countless times, dizziness, nausea, even losing your consciousness while walking down. No, they weren't pregnancy side effects. More so, the outcome of the stress accumulating in you.

Sickening. His kin you'd have cradled in your body. To be born and grow up into a revolting, merciless creature like his father. To take up place in your womb, your flesh and blood and combining with his – a living proof of your plight. Disgusting.

Never. You'd never let that happen.

You'd never succumb to such monstrosity.

You had already given up your freedom, your dignity, your alight life to Sukuna in exchange of the lives you held dear. The lives back in your ancestral village, home to your kin.

You were affirmed. An heir of Ryomen Sukuna would never be birthed from you.

Speak of the devil, he appears.

An overwhelming familiar aura surrounded your very being, the doors to your chamber slid open, your captor, your husband strolled inside. Even his mere presence held the malevolence in him. You attempted to rise from your position at his arrival.

"Sit." He commanded.

You silently obeyed his order, keeping your gaze settled on your lap, the energy had your stomach churning with trepidation; at times when you didn't do anything either. And this time, you were guilty. Two moments passed in silence until he spoke.

"I heard from the midwife."

You took in a sharp breath, swallowing a lump in your throat. It was the same ordeal, like the first two times. Yet, you were a tad bit calm since the previous encounters. Probably, due to the fact you were getting used to this role. In this past moons, you had developed into the wife, he was carving you out to be. Giving him just the reactions he wanted, for that saved you a lot of anguish and pain. Even if it came at the price of your self-respect. This was the only way.

With your head hung low, you spoke, "Forgive me, my lord. I am incapable of bearing you an heir. I-It must have been my fau-"

"Not another word."

You instantly stiffened up, his deep voice causing chills to run down your spine. Did you make an error? Was he aware of your tumultuous acts? Was the play not convincing enough?

He held your chin, forcing you to look up at him. All of his four, red eyes bore into you. You bit on your inner cheek, blood coursing in your veins - steadfast.

They say, your fear start to vanish once you've remained in the source of their vicinity too long. That statement is false. For even after staying with your captor for almost two years, you still held your fear.

"The one at fault bore consequences."

That's when you were hit with the faint stench of blood from him. Another one perished. You took the wild guess of it being the midwife. However, instead of amplifying fright, it was lessened. You wouldn't be on the receiving end of his wrath.

"You aren't at fault, wife."

Oh, but you were.

Sukuna held your gaze, cupping your cheek; the rough pad of his thumb trailed a line on your skin. His tone and grip were surprisingly gentle. "There's no need to apologize."

The corners of your eyes crinkled down, you lean into his touch. You assume, it's a good move as you noted the flicker of emotion in his eyes. "It's the third time, my lord. Perhaps, I bear some shortcomings."

"What nonsense," He rolled his eyes. "There's none, not in my eyes. Don't fill your head with such fickle thoughts." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Is that understood?"

He wasn't one for affirmations but maybe- just maybe it was his attempt at comfort, you supposed. The previous losses must had him learning, the threads of condolence. Still, for you, they'd never mean anything less than empty words. The last thing you wanted was to be comforted by your tormentor. You'd rather step into hell willingly.

But you were living under his wing. You have to play according to his whims. You nodded. "Yes, my lord."

His hand left your face, dropping to his thigh. He looked at you, as if sizing you up. You had to keep yourself from making any unnecessary movements. Sukuna wanted you composed, whatever the situation. (Except the times when he bedded you, you were allowed to scream, cry and thrash around then. Cause you were trapped under his immense strength, struggles were futile).

After a while, he asked, "Any wishes?"

You chewed on your bottom lip, eyes flickering down then back to him. You let out a breath, before continuing. "May I visit the shrine... this evening?"

Silence.

You were contemplating whether you had offended him, somehow. Previously, he did allow for your little trips, you wondered if his patience was running thin cause of your repeated incapability of bearing him an heir. Maybe, you ran out of luck.

You were about to mutter an apology but then a smug grin spread across his lips, "Why so?" He asked.

"To-" You swallowed a lump, preparing to answer the practiced dialogue. "To offer prayers for–"

"Why grieve for someone who didn't even take form?" He cut you up, raising an eyebrow. For a tad moment, he sounded curious. It broke into a cruel chuckle, "You humans would make a funeral out of anything, yes?"

If you held an ounce of sympathy then you wouldn't question.

You wanted to say but you knew better. Besides, you still have to keep up the act of being his loyal wife. Heaving a out a deep breath, you replied, "I suppose." You paused, running the tip of your tongue over your lip.

"I'd pray that I can bear you an heir the next time, my lord."

Nay, more so: I'd pray that you receive your end soon, my lord.

Sukuna watched you. No, not look. He watched, like a predator. Then, his lips cracked into a sinister grin. "You've a way with your words, wife."

It caught you off guard. You raised an eyebrow, attempting to voice out your confusion. "What do-"

"I will accompany you."

.

"Sukuna sama, the herbalist you asked for, has arrived."

Sukuna spared a glance at Uraume, who knelt by his feet.

"Bring him."

As on cue, they rose up from their stance, pivoting around towards the door. It parted, two curses had a man in their grasp as he struggled to break free. His eyes widening with terror when it fell on the King, sitting atop his throne.

The man was pushed down to his knees, face meeting the floor in a loud slam. His scuffles were in vain against such power, he knew that. Still, in a situation of life and death, rationality takes it's leave.

Sukuna clicked his tongue in annoyance. All he wanted was some herbalist to answer the flurry of questions in his which had him restless for the past few days. Did this scum think he'd be killed? Maybe he would be, if he deems it necessary or he proves to be useless.

What had him restless was your miscarriages. Counting the most recent would make it a fourth. Where did he go wrong? You were kept in utmost luxury, no toils whatsoever. Still, what was wrong?

—》《—

"Perhaps, there's some faults in her highness."

"Keep your voice down, Mira. Someone may hear you."

"I am a lot quite... but tell me, don't you find it strange? How come she has lost all of her children?"

"I- I suppose. Perhaps, motherhood is not written in her fate."

"Or so, she's simply incapable."

—》《—

Safe to say, those were the last words they uttered before they were turned into a mash of flesh and blood.

Sliced into pieces that even trying to make a proper corpse out of the remnants weren't possible.

At times, Sukuna wished he held the power to bring back someone to life. Then maybe, he'd have given those servants a death, more worthy. Maybe, ripping out their limbs, piece by piece. First the bones would break, ripped from the ligaments, then it'd be the muscles; that was easy to just tear out. And after that happened, he could have just sewn up the blobs of flesh again and repeat the process until they learn their lesson or the life leaves them again.

He deduced the latter would be more probable. Still, it would be fine. They deserved that.

Speaking ill of you in his palace, in his vicinity, in his world was prohibited. A sin, in the words of humans. And a sin never goes unpunished.

You - his consort, his queen, you were heavenly. There isn't a fault in you, it's some external factor, must be. But he can't let go of his growing suspicion either.

Sukuna detested children, it was a known fact. Always ending their lives first, whenever he set foot in a village. They were of no use to him, unless they were served to him on his platter. He couldn't deny, their flesh was flavourful.

Even though, he held great disdain for them, he couldn't help but desire a kinship with you. With the price of letting go of your undivided attention? Hmm, doesn't sound too great. He assumed, he can hire a wet nurse just in case. Still, he desired to see you round with his child, feet swollen as you struggled to walk around. You do not have to worry, he, your husband would joyfully oblige in carrying you in his arms. You were more than perfect, he couldn't even imagine just how beautiful you'll look, during and after carrying your child.

It was destined. You'd extend his lineage or no one else.

You were flawless then why were you causing such errors? Contradicting. It was his question until he started to take a note in your behaviour, and he found–

Sukuna stood up from his throne, walking down the steps of bones, presumably of the ones he killed. They act as a pretty show piece, according to him.

The court resonated with his footsteps, each one carrying a promise of death. The man's struggles seized once he was harshly pulled up by his hair, his eyes met with Sukuna's.

"Yo-your high–ness," The man fumbled with his words, a spine chilling sensation going down his frame.

"Time's wasting," Sukuna said, his glare pointed. The fury evident, though his exterior was calm. "Comply if you don't wish death."

The man nodded frequently, his fingertips trembled with anticipation and horror. "Ye-yes, your highness. It's an honour to s-serve you." The man fell to his feet as he was dropped. Sukuna dismissed the extra company with a wave of his hand.

"Rise," He declared.

The man still on his knees, raises his head. "What can I- I do for you, your highness?"

—》《—

"May I make a request, my lord?"

Sukuna's eyes flickered to you, yours not meeting his. Knelt before him, you gracefully poured the sake in his ochoko.

"Speak."

He marked the squinting in your irises, fingertips trembled when you put the vessel down. Your shoulders rose and fell before you gazed at him, reluctantly. He couldn't help but find your antics inhumanely amusing. 

"Would you be kind enough... to bring me this-" You paused for a fleeting moment. "This herb called... aloe vera?"

—》《—

"Aloe vera," Sukuna tilted his head aside, the upper pair of arms crossed over his chest. "What use does it have?"

"We-well, my lord it's used for heal-healing purposes, burns, cuts, rashes... it heals injuries, yes." He answered, taking a gulp. There was other uses too yet his head was alike a blank canvas, before such a formidable strength. He wasn't even aware if it was satisfactory or why the King of Curses needed to know about such a measly plant. But if it meant he could see the sun for another day then he'll just give whatever he could offer. "I-It can also be used to– to make me-medicated food. N-not a delicacy... I might add."

Sukuna raised an eyebrow, "That's it?"

"N-no, my lord. There- it can cure diges-"

"In pregnancy."

The man stiffened, his mouth parting a tad bit. A whisper leaving his lips, "Yo-your highness...?"

Pregnancy, menstruation, considered taboo. A matter regarding women, spoken in the inner chambers, the men should remain ignorant. A topic whispered in ears not spoken aloud in any hall, let alone the royal court. Certainly, Sukuna was aware of this societal construct, yet he didn't care. The society and its idiotic rules could go to hell. He just needed answers.

"Speak," Sukuna's voice was louder, deeper when the man before him fidgeted in his spot due to discomfort - on speaking such a topic.

"It-Its a... your highness, I d-don't think you-"

"Insolent bastard," His fumbling was interrupted by Sukuna. The warning evident in his profanity. His face grew darker, the four irises glowing with impending danger akin Satan himself. "If you so much as want to live, fucking speak."

The man's blood ran cold as on cue, face turning a shade paler as if winter had started to pool in. Tears prickled the corners of his eyes, "Forgive me, your highness! I will speak, I will- yes- aloe vera its-" He heaved out a deep breath, an attempt to slow down his beating heart. "Any fo-form of it is ill-suited during pregnancy... it can cause... cause pe-pelvic haemorrhage leading to... to  misc-"

"Miscarriage?"

"Yes, miscarriage... can lead to miscarriage, your highness."

A profound silence prevailed. Not a soul spoke neither was a footstep heard. Not a leaf rustled or the howling winds tapped on the window pane - assumed, mother nature had halted its elements from making any noise.

The stakes were high yet an flicker of courage alighted in the man as he raised his head up to glance at Sukuna, "My lor-"

The man's head tumbled down before he could even complete.

He couldn't scream, he couldn't beg, he couldn't apologize, he couldn't even blink. All he could do was watch. Watch as his beheaded body fell limp before his eyes. Watch as the blood poured out like waterfalls staining the carpet with its hues. The red marred bones protruded out amidst the flesh, globs of blood was gushing out of his severed voice box. His body jerked, the remnants of conscious nerves trying to survive.

It was a neat cut. A heavenly sight.

The world started to blur in. And before he knew it, the light was gone from his eyes.

Sukuna didn't even spare a glance as he marched out of his court.

Uraume approached the body, a few maids accompanying them. They casted a disapproving glare at the corpse.

"Not edible, dispose of it."

.

You didn't see or hear from Sukuna for a week.

He didn't visit your chambers at night neither was he present when you sat down for your meals. Even his energy was alike a hushed whisper which would remind you of his presence in the residence, but not reveal himself to you. For some reason, it had you in an unease.

No, you certainly did not miss his presence. But his absence just made the surroundings almost suffocating. There was the looming threat that something had happened or something were to happen. One worse than the other.

Silence was never uneventful.

Insinuating the courage, you had once inquired Uraume about his absence. Presenting a polite bow, they answered, "Sukuna sama doesn't want to be disturbed."

Disturbed... as if he wasn't the cause of all disturbances. A natural disaster in himself. You resisted the urge to scoff and uttered a meek line of gratitude before going about your day. (That extended with you strolling down the halls or garden or just be in your chambers and read the few books Sukuna had bought you).

On the very same day the dark commenced. While you were mesmerized by the fall of twilight over the garden, you heard his voice.

"Don't you love playing with poison, wife?"

The sudden question made you halt your steps, you weren't even aware that he was present–shielded his aura, presumably. You turned around, raising an eyebrow with bewilderment.

"Pardon, my lord?"

Sukuna snorted, walking up to you, a smirk played on his lips. You had to make the effort of tilting your head to gaze up at him. His towering figure loomed over you, his lower left hand snaking around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

"You love poisons, don't you? Or in your words herbs."

Your shoulders grew rigid, eyes widening with realization, a sharp breath hitting your throat. Your fingertips trembled with anticipation. You were sure to be discreet in your affairs, using the isolation he subjected you to at its best. Yet he knew. It was bad. Very much so. And what were to happen now? What would he do to you?

Another night of horror where your screams would be unheard, your resistance proved to be futile, where you'd be left to suffer alone, where another shard of your remaining soul would be plunged by him. Another night where you'd again play into his whims... Or something more vile, leaving you physically disabled? Perhaps, even death...

The foremost was the most heinous one. You silently prayed that he wouldn't resort to that. If you were to be subjected to his torment then you wished he'd just kill you, liberating you for once and for all. Even so, survival is what the mind wants. Piecing through any tactic just to live another day. The play for now should be denial.

Sukuna's affections for you worked as a double edged sword. You aimed to take advantage of it, in every way possible. You instilled a bit of courage, standing your ground, you spoke "I don't understand what you're trying to instigate, my lord."

He looked down on you, a coy smile uplifting his lips. He threaded his fingers through the knot of your kimono, leaning down next to your ear, he inhaled your scent. His lips brushing over your neck.

"I do not believe so, wife." He murmured, his warm breath hitting your skin, a range of goosebumps rising over your arm. "In fact, I think you clearly know, what I speak about."

Before you could let a word out, he straightened up, turning around, he pushed you to walk with him. His large hand still covering your back.

"Come, let me entertain you."

.

You were walking to the gallows.

Not literally, but you were sure your end was near.

The wooden floors creaked with footfalls. Each step heavier than the previous. You hesitantly glimpsed at Sukuna, his gaze was far ahead. Not a word left his mouth in this while. Only his hold remained firm. He pushed you forward every moment your step faltered.

Your breath hitched when you turned a corner - the right wing. A rule, you could say. Sukuna made it clear since the day he held you captive brought you home – never step a foot in the right wing. Despair drowned your curiosity that time, you didn't question, least bothered to. Even later, you didn't dare to defy him; courtesy to the pain you were subjected to once.

Still, you could make the wild guess of what happened in there. The muffled screams kept you awake at midnight, it was easy to put the puzzle pieces together. There he revelled with the sick pleasure of tormenting your kind.

He stopped before a pair of oak doors. That's when he glanced at you, for the first time in a long while. For a moment, he stared at you with an emotion you couldn't decipher. The next moment, he pulled out the Kanzashi from your hair, letting your strands tousle down.

You flinched, pushing away the curls which clouded your vision. Sukuna held the pin in his hand, holding your gaze. He was unmoving.

What happened to him?

"My lord," You called. "What are you-"

"Stay quiet," He handed you the kanzashi back, adjusting your hand to hold it as if it were a dagger. Turning to the door, he spared you a glance. "Don't speak a word." With that, the doors opened.

Dark.

It was dark save for the light of the lantern which illuminated the room. He shoved you forward, the door locking behind as he stood aside you.

"One bite."

Huh? Bite? What did he mean? You slightly turned your head towards him but you were stopped in your tracks. It wasn't only you and Sukuna in this room, seems you had a guest. More appropriate word? A Captive.

Your eyes were wide open. On the corner of the room, sat a young boy, not more than a adolescent - blindfolded. Restrained by chains, his wrists and ankles were cuffed with metal. A small whimper left his lips as he registered the presence of both of you.

You were about to speak but then his words rang in your mind.

Don't speak a word.

Sukuna gripped your wrist, leading you to the boy, "One bite, in the arm."

He wasn't talking to you. To the boy, he kept his eyes. You marked how the boy flinched. The metals clanking on contact.

He turned to you then, motioning to the pin in your hand then the boy's arm. Realization hit you. You tried to shake your head, refuse; but one glare of his and you were compelled. Reluctantly, you turned around, trudging to the boy.

Something was wrong.

You could feel it. Why... why would he want you to stab this poor boy? A picture of misery, he was. You noted he didn't have any sign of bruises in his body - peculiar. Yet, his fragile state was enough to give you a hint that he had been here for days. Perhaps, starved too. The tension was high and all you wanted was to leave this room, in an instant.

Fine, if Sukuna wanted you to just stab the boy. You'd do it. Missing the vital points which could end his life. One, he said. You'll miss the point and done. Its not upon you that you'd pierce the wrong place. His instructions weren't specific—that'd be your excuse.

He won't die. Not from your hands.

You gently held the boy's arm, angling the pointers on the muscles. You drove it in.

Miscalculation.

The boy's body instantly stiffened, a gut wrenching scream erupted from his mouth. He thrashed around, swinging his legs and arms, his body twitching violently.

You recoiled back soon, yanking out the pin, stepping away on instinct. You watched with terror.

Foam rose up the boy's mouth, his shrieks pierced your eardrums. The fluid dripped down his jaw, marring his clothes. He clutched the area where you stabbed him. Scratching at it with all his might. The sound of flesh ripping filled your ears as the boy ruthlessly, tore the muscles.

You were stunted. You couldn't speak or move. You weren't chained but you felt as if a thousand shackles bore you down.

The next seconds were a blur. The screams started to die down, his body losing it's color. Sooner than you could grasp, did the room turn silent again.

The boy was dead.

.

"Enjoyed the show, wife?"

You slapped your hand over your mouth, stumbling a few steps back. You couldn't tear your eyes off the young boy, bile rose up your throat as the room started to spin.

"Wh-what did you-"

No- you couldn't throw up, whatever second thought it was, it refrained you from crumbling to your knees and make a mess. Shivers went down your spine, you struggled to stand straight. The stench of the corpse and the expunging liquids started to fill your nostrils. You were almost on the verge to lose consciousness.

"What... did you do?"

Your eyes flickered to Sukuna. He stood tall, not a sign of emotion on his mien. You regret ever considering mirth to the worst feature on him, cause none was more terrifying.

And he was watching you.

It reminded you of the time, you first saw him -  covered with blood of the lives he had taken, down the river bank. Victim of naivety and ignorance, you didn't know any better than to not let him see you. Wandering towards the peculiar beast, even when a gut wrenching terror asked you to run; you were stubborn. You had asked - are you alright?

"What did you do?" You repeated again.

Tilting his head, he kept his unwavering gaze fixed on you. "As a matter of fact, I didn't do anything, wife." He paused, letting the horror shadow your features, "It was all you."

You needed to run.

The kanzashi– which was till then clasped in your hand firmly– fell down. A clank, you heard.

One step.

One step towards the door. He is standing afore you, the fingers of his upper right arm ran through your open hair, tangling in the roots, he yanked your head back.

"I don't remember, giving you the permission to leave."

Tears prickled your eyes as you tried to break free. Sukuna was having none of it. He dragged you by your hair towards the corpse of the boy. Your nails jabbed into his wrist while whimpers of anguish left your mouth.

Sukuna shoved you down to your knees, tugging your hair back - you were sure, they will be ripped off if he yanked with any more pressure - he made you glance at its face. He crouched beside you. With a flick of his finger, he ripped the blindfold out of the boy.

"Dare to shut your eyes."

Compliance had become second nature.

The body was rigid, skin turning blue. The veins on his arms were bulged out, his mouth wide open, filled with foam, trickling down his cheek, drying on it.

The sight caused you to gag.

Horrifying. His bloodshot eyes were wide open, protruding out of the sockets. Irises dilated in shape, which you considered humanly impossible. But what had your heart hammering in your chest wasn't the vivid details you saw on the corpse. It was the fact, that you recognized the boy. Son of that distant elder cousin, you'd seen once or twice in a year.

"Look at that, love." Sukuna cooed in your ear, forcing you to face the corpse.

You shook your head violently, nails dug into his wrist - desperate to escape. Your heart thumped inside your ribcage, you could hear it in your ears, your guts twisted in numerous ways as sweatbeads trailed down your forehead.

"You did that."

No. No, you didn't. You didn't do it. It wasn't you.

"You killed him."

No, you didn't... he didn't die because of you.

"Take a good look. See what you've done."

You vigorously shook your head. Denying all of his claims cause... cause they were... false, yes, false. They were false.

"No," You stated once you found your voice. "N-no, no... I- no."

Sukuna hummed, twisting a knot in your hair, "Yes, you. You did it."

No. You were innocent. You weren't to be blamed. It wasn't you.

It was... him.

"No, no, I didn't," You refused again, standing your ground. Moving your eyes towards him, you gritted your teeth. "No, I didn't do it. I didn't do anything. It was you."

"Really? How so?"

Fire burnt in your eyes. It was enough. He couldn't make you believe which you didn't commit - you didn't kill him.

"Poison," You said with conviction lacing your tone. "He was poisoned, a stab wouldn't procure such a reaction."

"Observant as ever," He mused, quirking up an eyebrow. A faint smile curled up on his lips. "Still, it doesn't gratify the fact that you were the one to end his life."

Blood boiled inside you, surging through your veins like lava. He had no right to accuse you of something. You didn't kill him, he couldn't make you believe it, whatsoever may happen.

"I may have stabbed him with the kanzashi, but that didn't have any trace of poison in it. I am-"

"Sure of it?"

You could only glare at him. He was toying with you. Tugging the strings of your conscience but you won't have any of it. "I am," You confirmed, staring at him without any falters. "I held it... you held it. If it was really drenched with toxicant as lethal as that, we- we both would be dead."

His grip loosened from your hair, hand falling down. The corners of his eyes crinkled, the smile turning into a smirk.

"It was you," You continued. "You did something to him at first and-"

Sukuna broke into a chortle of laughter. Far from jovial, more so sinister, filled with sheer malevolence. He gripped your jaw, pulling you closer to himself. His sharp canines glinted in the dim light.

"You just keep on fascinating me, wife."

Each second with him was revolting. Just his touch alone had your skin crawling. Yet, you couldn't let him know he has the upper hand.

"We had a pact," You stated firmly. His game was disgusting. What was he trying to do? What was his goal? "If I stay with you, you wouldn't lay a finger on my family, then- h-how could-"

"I would still stand on the ground, that I didn't do anything." He replied, a hint of amusement in his tone. "It was all you, wife. I can assure you that I didn't go back in my words." His canines glinted while he smiled. "Not a flick of pain. Save for..." He paused, his eyes widening, the carmine irises glowed in the dark. "Save for telling him, he'd be killed by a snake bite."

"There was no venom on my pin."

"Know so," He confirmed, a playful smirk on his visage. You wished you could read minds, if possible only of him, that'd been enough. Then where did poison come from? You wanted to question but he beat you to it.

"His fear turned into poison."

You blinked. Once. Twice. You knew he had an urge to play mind games but this was ridiculous. You questioned, shell-shocked, "What?"

"He let his fear get the better of him, assuming your pin to be a snake. He believed it." He explained while you listened without so much as a word. "His conscience caused his body to give out the exact reactions, he imagined. A shock, you might say. That caused his death."

His game was disgusting. If he thought, he could just give you any excuse as this and let you believe his accusations then he was mad wrong. You gritted your teeth, yanking your face away from his grip. For a second, you saw all of his eyes opening wide with surprise. But that didn't extinguish the fire burning in you.

He reached out, dragging you towards him via the arm. A glare resting on his face. "What did I tell about refusi-"

"I don't believe you," You cut him off, hands clenched into fists. It was the first time in a long time, you lost your composure in front of him. No, you wouldn't play as his doll anymore. He broke his promise, its only fair that you do so. "I don't believe a single word you say. You- you did something, you must have. Fear, belief, whatever the fuck, something as trivial as that-"

"So you think fear is trivial, wife?" He sighed, his clutch in your arm remained firm. The rough callouses of his palm, rubbed over your skin. "And here I thought, you might be different than the rest. But you managed to drop below my expectations."

"Maybe that's what I love about you, darling." He continued.

Disgust arose in you yet again. Love. As if he had any of that. He wasn't capable of love. Not in this lifetime. Never. 

He spoke again, "Times you are the smartest I have seen, then you speak such blasphemy which would even embarrass the Gods you worship. Your silence was awarded by him leaning near your ear. He twisted a curl of your hair between his fingers. "Fear, wife..." He whispered to you. "Fear is a mind killer. It makes you believe anything. The small drop of poison which contaminates all the water."

"In the end, belief and fear are sides of the same coin," His top two eyes, flickered to the corpse of the boy. "I made him consume the poison of fear and you-" He turned to you again. "You made him believe it... so, in a way, yes. Yes, I did do something. Save for the part of ending his life. Though I didn't break my part of our pact." A smirk tugged on his lips. "You were the one who killed him. Isn't that great?"

Your breath hitched, throat gone dry. You gazed at him, eyes wide open. Your mind was a blank canvas.

Fear, poison, belief, killing...

He made you kill someone. An innocent boy who didn't even do anything.

Why won't he much rather just end your life?

Sukuna pulled away from you, standing up, he walked over to the lantern placed in the room. The stench of the rotting corpse had long ago started to pool in.

"You made me kill him." You whispered, still knelt, staring at the floor. When greeted with silence, you questioned again, a tone higher, "You made me kill him."

"And?"

His nonchalance had always been infuriating to you.

You could feel him standing a few steps behind you. "If you really wanted to kill my kin, you should've just told me. Getting your herbs was a tiring chore." You didn't miss the emphasis he put on, herbs. The roll of his eyes while speaking floated before your eyes even though you couldn't see him; the expression must had turned to a smirk later. "However, the taste of taking a life– isn't it delicious, wife?"

Guilt gnawed at you, tearing you internally. Your shoulders trembled as you let out ragged breaths, eyes fixed on the bloodied arm of the boy. The same arm where the kanzashi pierced, the muscles torn apart, blood drying on it due to the boy's onslaught. Nausea overrode your senses, bile rose up your throat and the next moment you were throwing up. The wastes ran down your mouth, your nails dug into the wooded boards – bruising your fingertips and chipping the nails. You didn't realize Sukuna stepping up to your side, pulling your hair back while you were caught into the ordeal.

A disapproving grunt left his mouth after you were finished, yanking you up with your wrist. He pulled you towards the door. "Com-"

"No." Your heels remained firm on the ground. You refused him before you could even think. He turned towards you slightly, a scowl resting on his features before he pivoted around. He cast a glare upon you but before he could speak, your mouth opened again.

"You're even lower than scum." Your jaw ticked, hands clenching into fists. "You made me kill an innocent boy. Someone who might have done nothing to you, You– You disgust me, Sukuna."

Done you were with the respect, he demanded. If that angered him, made him want to rip out your heart and watch the life drain from your eyes. He was most welcome.

But it looks like, he wasn't resorting to any of that.

"You made me a murderer." You urged, staying strong in your stance. "You turned me into you."

His eyebrow twitched, a wave of mirth washed over him. "You were always like me, wife."

"I am nothing-"

"You are. You are like me. You are no saint, as you think so of yourself. " He said, leaving no room for argument. His lips pressed tight into a thin line. 

Yet, you refused to believe that. You were nothing like him. Couldn't even dream so. You were not him.

"You kill children in your womb, I kill them after they're born. How is it so different?"

"It is different." You yelled, your jaw clenched, teeth baring out. "This world needs no more of your lineage, it needs no more of you." You jabbed your pointer finger on his chest, tears pooling into your eyes. You refused to shed them. "You kill for your own sake, I do not."

"Then who do you kill for?"

"For everyone." The faint snort of his reached your ears. You couldn't decipher what he found so delightful in this.

"Playing God, are we?" He mocked causing your vexation to rise.

"Maybe I am. For the least, I am not killing innocent people like you."

From where such defiance arose, you weren't sure of. Perhaps, all the frustration, fright, terror which accumulated till now had reached its limit. Moreover, Sukuna's provocation must be the fuel to the fire.

You might be left bleeding– No, you would be left bleeding. You welcomed it with open arms.

.

"Careful," Sukuna pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. "All Gods aren't worshipped."

He was enjoying himself. In all honesty, your obedience was getting too monotonous. This was better. Your defiance was amusing. Arousing, if there's to add. If he knew, letting you end a few lives would have this effect then he would have resorted to this long ago.

"Better than you." You shoved his hand away, "You are nothing more than a wretched, two-faced curse destroying all of our lives."

He noted your scowl, the way your lips were shut tight, your eyebrows crinkled together. Reasons evident, all he desired was to pull you into his arms smash his lips against yours. Taste the very essence of your being. Consume you wholly, just the way you are. So that in the end, your name, your taste, your scent would be engraved in his very soul. Without your mention, he wouldn't be complete. 

But he refrained from giving in now. His desire extended to a far more sinister route. "I wonder..."

What would it be like to break your conviction? What would it be like to break you?

Oh, he knew.

Would it be right moment to let you know? Maybe he should wait for another, more appropriate time.

Hmm, perhaps he should. But no.

He let you play these games for too long. Tired of this game plan, he was. Maybe, you would just come to your senses if he let you know. So he let the words, flow out:

"I wonder, why this curse keeps protecting your pathetic life from people who would cross rivers to lay siege to your life?"

Worth everything.

Sukuna watched as your face lost its color. The previous boldness you presented him with was replaced by a mask of confusion and. Such a pretty sight, it was. To see you, falter from your stand. Second guess, yourself, be in denial then rage consumes you. And you look at him, like he was the forbearer of your misery. (He is).

Oh, how good he has you memorized.

Even the littlest of reactions you contort on your mien, on your mannerisms; everything has him intrigued. You have him intoxicated.

"You know the ones, the people... your people, for whom you play this God."

Sukuna wished he could capture this moment. He'd have the chance to take a glimpse of it again, whenever he wished to. The horrified look on your face as the weight of his words started to sink in.

Would you still look like this if he tells you the terror he bestowed on them who tried to steal you away from him? What would you say if he vividly describes each imagery of how he slowly, agonizingly burnt them, severed them and tormented them? Leaving them nothing but fragments beyond recognition.

You were his. All of you belonged to him. Without his sanction, no one could even see you, let alone touch you. Ah- just how many sorcerers perished from his hands, the number of villages, bathed in blood; save for yours. (Courtesy to that stupid pact, he forged with you)

Something had told him, that there'd be a better time to put an end to the pitiful lives of your kin.

"Can't speak? What caused so, darling?" His tone was laced with smugness, a twisted joy elicited in him. "Fearful that your play amounted to nothing?"

Your jaw ticked with anger. You were furious. "I don't believe you. You are lying."

Your trust on humans was commendable, he'd give you that. However, there's stark contrast between faith and blind belief. You were inclining towards the latter.

So, what do they do when words fail to convey message? Oh right, you give them a prime example.

"Let me just show it to you then, wife."

It was a gamble, he was willing to make. To keep you with him, forever, as he wanted - he needed you to know that no place other than his arms would be as comforting. Even if that meant breaking your very soul, so be it.

.

You were home.

One moment, Sukuna held your gaze. The next, you are standing before your hearth.

Toes dipping into the familiar black soil, the land where you ran and played during your childhood. Your familial home stood steps away from you. Still looked the same except the visible cracks on the wall, a layer of dust on top of the door and the woods looked worn out. However, what caught your eyes weren't the flaws of your home but the familiar older woman walking into your home.

"Mother…"

She stilled all of a sudden, rotating on her heels, her eyes landed on you. Shell shocked, that's what she was with the widened eyes and parted lips. A small smile curved up on your lips, she still looked the same except the few grey hairs and wrinkles aside her eyes.

"Mother," You called again, taking a step towards her. "I am back."

Sooner than you expected, her eyebrows scrunched up, mouth curving down when she finally registered your presence. You weren't some illusion or her mind playing tricks. "What are you here for?"

The disdainful tone caused you to flinch. You didn't expect this. Returning home, you dreamt of it to be filled with tears of joy and warm embraces. Not this… whatever, she was presenting you with. But- But its fine, you have returned after a two whole years. She must have been worried. The reason of her apprehension. God, you had a lot making up to do.

"Well, you know," You chuckled lightly, scratching the back of your neck. "Back… just back. I have returned."

"Found your way after two years?" She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at you with a look you didn't want to recognize.

You nodded, "Yes. How could I forget my way? Our address, its-"

You were interrupted when your name was spit out from her mouth. Her glare on you was palpable, "I know what it is. What are you here for?"

Her fury even made your skin crawl with fear. You were often on the receiving end of her glare when you were a child, given by your tendencies to run around and cause trouble for others. Yet, those glares, were none like this. This- this- you didn't want to name what it was.

"You are angry," You don't know if its directed towards your mother or yourself as you hold onto the last bit of fragments that not all is lost. "I get it, I really do." You stood on your toes, attempting to look behind her, into your house. "Where's father? Tell him, I am-"

"No more."

As if the air was knocked out of your lungs.

"What?" Your neck craned towards her so fast, it might have left a sprain. Yet, that was the least of your concern. "What do you mean by no more?"

"No more means no more." Your mother's sigh fell heavy on the air, words carried the weight of the world. Laid with pain underneath.

"How- when? Wha-what happened?" You couldn't wrap your mind around the new discovery. No one told you such. Who could've guessed? Such an ordeal to occur in your absence. And what might she be going through, without you. You didn't even get the chance to talk to him, one last time.

"A year ago," She confessed, her voice conveyed her lament and sorrow. Her words felt like a hammered blow on the fragile façade of hope, you had intricately crafted for yourself. However, she wasn't done. Her eyes held scorn, lips curled up to a sneer. "Aren't you satisfied? You finally made your mark. Must tell you," Her voice, once filled with love held nothing save for contempt, directed at you. "Good game, you played, dear." She spit the endearment as if, it were poison.

"No, I- I never wanted any of this. What are you even talking about?" A trembling footfall towards her, you whispered, "M-mother-"

"Don't you dare call me that."

The weight of her judgement felt heavy on you, pressing down, suffocating you alike chains.

"You are no daughter of mine."

You weren't aware since when the tears had sprang up your eyes, breaking the barricades, they shed down. Your throat burnt as you struggled to even breathe, clutching your chest - a searing pain shooting in your heart. Your heart was shattering from the ultimate rejection from your own flesh and blood.

"While you're at it, know this." Your mother continued.

The next words were like a blow to the gut, each syllable lined with the weight of revelations. Ones that hung in the air like a funeral shroud.

"In his last moments, his only regret was bringing a daughter like you in this world."

.

This night just doesn't seem to end, does it?

You were left as a hollow shell. Tethering the steps away from the home you were no more welcomed. Exhaustion reigned heavy on you. Physically and mentally.

Where were you going? You didn't know. Just where your feet would take you, there would you go. Perhaps, you can return to Sukuna. Would he take you back? Most probably not. Considering, your earlier outburst, adding to the fact that you refused to give him what you want; he might just discard you as you proved to be useless.

Funny. It was so damn funny. Once, you wished to escape from his hands whatsoever the price yet now… now you considered returning to him.

You could hear him calling you pathetic. Disgusting. More disgusting, that you agreed with him.

You were truly pathetic.

But before you could spiral down the void of self-hatred, a voice- nah, multiple voices startled you.

"There she is, parading around some meek, innocent girl." A scoff is added. "You are far from it."

"The nerve of you to just walk back into our lives after you betrayed us."

Your neck cranes to your left, an old man - the village elder with a few other men and women following behind; they approached you. "Excuse me?"

"Who do you think you are?" A woman's cry reached your ears. "Returning after you turned your back on us."

You flinched at the accusation thrown. What could be possibly be instigating? To all your knowledge, you were walking in this- in your village after two long years. Anger, disdain and accusatory glares clouded their features. If your mother's insults weren't enough to pierce through your heart then it certainly did now, with all the people, you once called your own to look at you like you were the monster.

You summoned the least bit of courage you had, squared your shoulders and started, "I'd have you know-"

"Traitors don't get to speak." At the center of the crowd was the village elder. He was the pillars of your hamlet, revered for his wisdom and guidance, but now he looked akin a judge ready to deliver his sentence upon you. A sentence which would push you more into this conundrum. "You've been cavorting to that monster. Disgusting."

"I am no traitor." You retorted soon. "You can't accuse me of such when you don't ev-"

"Save it for someone who would care, whore."

The curse had your mouth parted in disbelief, horror etched upon your mien. Sooner than you could compose yourself, did whispers of agreement rippled through the crowd which branded you as a traitor.

"You are just as twisted as him."

"Get out of here if you so much as hold your life dear."

"Don't play as the innocent bitch, now."

The accusation hung in the air like a dark cloud, poisoning the atmosphere with its venomous hatred. Your breath was caught in your throat as you searched desperately for words to defend yourself; the crowd's hostility rendered you speechless. But amidst the cacophony of condemnation, one voice stood out above the rest.

I wonder, why this curse keeps protecting your pathetic life from people who would cross rivers to lay down yours?

Really? Were you really recalling his words now? Now of all times… You truly were pathetic.

For one moment, You just stayed silent - letting their accusations bore you down. Somewhere you wished all of it were just a nightmare. You'll soon wake up on your bed beside Sukun- fuck! Since when did you start to expect to wake up with him? He- He was toying with your mind. This was the only result. But the fact that this was your thought process had you recoil back.

The next moment, everything made sense.

These accusations were stemmed from the fact that you- you were proclaimed to be the wife of the King of curses. Your unwillingness to return, given for the pact you forged with Sukuna, was taken as your cue that you betrayed your family, your home, your people.

Your family despised you. Your people despised you. The very same people you chose to protect were turning their back on you.

Did they truly try to lay down your life?

Amidst your plight, you didn't register when the village elder marched up to you. "Didn't you hea-" His trial at speech was cut off. Nay, his lifeline was cut off. (Humorous, isn't it?)

Numerous red lines appeared on his body before it burst off into a globs of flesh and blood. Blood which splashed onto you, marring your visage and attire with its hues.

He was here. You knew it. You could feel it.

For some reason, it filled you with a sense of relief.

However, your people were on the other end of the rope. The eyes which afore held hatred and disgust, they were now filled with horror and fright. In this reverie as the villagers started to flee, a torch tumbled on the ground - lighting the grass on fire. The winds showed no mercy, as the howls increased, so did the flames.

Provoking him was never the right move.

You were digging your own grave.

So you shouldn't have been surprised that your wish would be granted. Yet, if you could have one wish then you'd wish for freedom but no- freedom was a forfeited dream, far beyond your reach. Consideration of that one would never be fruitful. You are trapped even in your dreams.

Playing with fire only gets you burnt.

For long, you played this game and this- this was your compensation. For everything you had done until now, all you are returned with was abandonment. Not that supposedly, betrayal, yes. More appropriate.

Flames surrounded you, crawling up your skin, the screams piercing your ears, your chest heaved up and down. Gaze, once settled on your hearth, now all you saw were the burning huts, the crackling of embers reached your ears. Attire and hands stained with blood of the insolent.

No one touches what's mine.

The warning shouldn't have been taken lightly. Should have known, the extent of his power.

Eyes held terror, fright, regret- whatever you could name. The multitude of names you received seemed no more than a distant dream, nowhere to be found. All were running away - expectable.

You expected calamity, but you were calm.

The sparks danced over your irises as everything went down in the crimson hues. Save for you, you weren't burning. Not an spark touched your skin. Was it the distance or the control? Who knows. But one confirmation which you held was that - tonight you won't die. Not so soon either.

Careful, not all Gods are worshipped.

The words rang in your ears and as if on cue, you found him again. In this trance of insanity, only one thing held your sight when you attempted to turn - The eyes tinted with crimson.

All of a sudden, something burnt inside you too.

Unbridled rage consumed you. Your chest heaved up and down as ragged breath left your mouth. Their words came back to you, ringing in your ears as if you were pushed into a void.

Who do you think you are? Returning after you turned your back on us.

Would this bitch even be alive if you prioritized yourself?

Don't play as the innocent bitch, now.

Is that the thanks you get for trying to protect them?

Traitors don't get to talk.

Traitor… fine, you'd be the traitor.

With caution you took one step towards him. No reaction. Your chance - you took another. Then another and another. You stood before him, with nothing save for a void etching your features. Amusement flickered over him, the corner of his lip curled up.

"Saw it for yourself wife?"

Seemed like silence was your go-to response lately. From your peripheral, you saw the burning houses, the distant screams reached you. For some reason, the screams were almost soothing. You revelled in this. Their gut wrenching shrieks were like a balm to your essence.

Their predicament was your solace.

Sounded like someone you knew. Someone who had warned you about them but you chose to remain ignorant. Sickening… were you becoming like him?

You were always like me, wife.

You could laugh. Maybe you were like him.

"Let's forge another pact?" You offered, keeping your eyes pinned on him.

"A pact?"

"A pact."

A smirk curved up his lips, the upper pair of arms crossed over his chest, "Humour me, love."

The smirk wasn't directly for you. But he did. So you returned it back. One with an equal malicious intent. Cause in that moment, no second thoughts, no doubts clouded your mind. And so, you uttered the blasphemy:

"You kill them all, each and everyone. In return, I will stay with you, give you an heir. Whatever you want from me."

.

A year later

Screams died down after a gruelling ten hours.

"Good news, Sukuna sama. It's a boy."

A/N: Honestly, I was almost done with this fic, long ago but while writing the climax, I kept chickening out with all the self-doubts but then I just wrote what I wanted. I do understand if the ending is not up to your liking and I sincerely apologize for it.

However, thanks for reading up till the end. I enjoyed writing this a lot. Some feedback is appreciated <3

[sanicsmut]

Words of the Fallen

Technically Darien Gautier x Vestige!Reader, but all I can say is play Summerset's main quest in ESO before reading this.

part 2

Warnings : Use of Y/N once. Angst because it is. Spoilers for the end of Summerset. Language. The letter is taken directly from the game, which is why it’s written way better than what I’ve actually written.

Words: 1000 (I can't believe I got such a perfect count)

Robin’s comment: Cried making this, bon appétit. More seriously, this chapter (the game's DLC I mean) made me hate Meridia. She was one of my favorite daedric princes, but now it's over. All hail Azura. Anyway this is basically me telling Meridia what she deserves to hear. There's also a hint of a part two at the end ;). I'll try to write it, but I can't guarantee anything.

"Never trust a Daedric Prince. If there's anything I learned from all this, that's it in a nutshell. I used to think I had a purpose, a part to play in the grand scheme of things. I suppose I did, sort of, but the way things turned out, it wasn't at all the way I imagined. Meridia said I was her vessel. I guess my fate was sealed from the moment she brought me into existence.

Now, here I am, back in the Colored Rooms. I thought that when I gave my energy to restore the sword—and I did that for my friend, not for Meridia—I thought that was the end of me. I'm back, though, but this time is different. My light, it's fading. I can feel the darkness getting closer, pressing in. I expect that once the light goes out, that will be the end.

I need to tell you something about Meridia. She's a deceiver. She promised that if I served her faithfully, I'd earn my freedom. She never told me that freedom was just another word for the void. Don't trust her. Don't trust any of the Daedric Princes. Not ever.

I've found peace though. Meridia gave me a chance to see the world, and those I care about, one last time. To save those I loved. I'm grateful for that, at least.

I wish I had a chance to say goodbye to everyone. To Skordo. To Gabrielle. Gods, I'll miss them. But most of all, (Y/N). I don't know if she will understand how much she truly meant to me. Perhaps we'll see each other again, in another place, another time. I probably won't be the version of myself that's writing these words, though. That me will be gone. I can live with that.

I only wish I could have spent more time with everybody. Had a few more adventures. Ordered those drinks like we always talked about.

I hope my friends find peace, happiness, and love. They deserve what I could never have. If anyone ever finds this book, know that I will never forget those I named herein. And, if you find them, and I pray that you do, tell them this.

Protect the ones you love. Hold them close. Cherish their every moment. Make them laugh, and laugh with them. Smile together and never, ever, forget that the moments you have are so very precious.

Oh, and tell them not to forget me, either. I mean, I am a legend, as far as I know.

The polite, handsome, and humble knight,

Darien Gautier”

You let the book fall back on the bench where you found it.

No… No…

You were breathing heavily. And a few minutes later, surrounded by those trees, you let out your anguish.

Dawnbreaker gripped tight in your hand, you screamed.

“Take it back! Take your goddamn sword back!”

“It seems my vessel isn’t the only one who ended up having feelings when he shouldn’t.”

A bright light. There it was, this patronizing voice. This voice you had respected, after giving you back your soul and helping you in Coldharbour. This voice you grew to hate.

“You bitch, he was my friend!”

“Where is your respect, Vestige?”

Vestige. You hadn't been called that since that time you helped Abnur Tharn in Elsweyr. Only the companions called you that. The companions and Meridia. But even the Daedric Prince hasn’t called you that during this whole mission. It was like you were back in Coldharbour all over again. Back fighting for what you thought was right, back, fighting against and with forces you couldn’t comprehend.

“My respect for you died when Darien got condemned. By your fault.”

“He was my vessel, an empty shell, a weapon to do my bidding. He served his purpose.”

“He was my friend!” You yelled again.

“And a traitor.”

“How the f-”

“He sacrificed he life for you. He purified my sword, not to serve me, but to help you.”

“Oh, so this is it? You’re throwing a tantrum because your tool wasn’t devoted to you only?”

“Careful with your words, Vestige.”

“You owe me! I’m the one who fought Molag Bal, I’m the one who assembled all those allies to stop the coalition! I’m the one who just stopped Nocturnal! And you owe him too! He may have purified Dawnbreaker for me, but everything else he did was for you, to serve you, because he was your champion! Because he truly thought he could trust you!”

“And you owe me for your soul. And he owes me for the purpose I gave him.”

“You wouldn’t have been able to take my soul if I hadn’t fought in Coldharbour! It’s all thanks to me! And his purpose? He could’ve been a hero without disappearing for your fucking sake! Hell, he just wanted to help his friends!”

“Friends he shouldn’t have had in the first place.”

“I swear, I defeated Molag Bal and Nocturnal, I can defeat you too. Take back your fucking sword and give me back my friend.”

You could feel Meridia’s rising anger, the air feeling tense around you despite the Daedric prince not being here physically.

“You want your ‘friend’ back?” The prince of light asked, her voice filling you with a bad feeling.

“Yes!” You answered. “Free him from your realm!”

You swore you almost heard Meridia growling, even if that sounded out of character. But that being was strict and cold, full of authority, like a severe and cruel mother. But nothing about her was motherly. She might have been less ‘evil’ than other princes, but she still served her own interests, mortals were just tools for her, or obstacles she had to get rid of. And you were sure that she was now in the second category.

“You will have to free him yourself.” Meridia declared. “That is, if you can get out of my realm.”

Her voice was tainted in cruelty, and a blinding light burnt your eyes before everything went black.

[areyoudreaminof]

This Life and the Next: A Nessian Playlist

It's finally @nessianweek! And of course for Day 3 I had to make a playlist!

We love their banter, their angst, their passion, and their deep undying love for one another. To watch Cassian and Nesta find each other despite their own personal challenges was such a beautiful and satisfying love story. For this playlist, I tried to follow a somewhat narrative structure that fell in line with ACOSF. I wanted to represent these two people finding one another and lifting the other up. This playlist also has a fun little bonus track for your fun Nessian writing needs. LISTEN HERE and take a look at some lyrics behind the cut.

As The World Caves In-Matt Maltese

My feet are aching And your back is pretty tired And we've drunk a couple bottles, babe And set our grief aside And here it is, our final night alive And as the earth burns to the ground Oh, girl, it's you that I lie with As the atom bomb locks in Oh, it's you I watch TV with As the world, as the world caves in

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene-Hozier

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet

Lose My Cool-Amber Marks

I was so full of pain just stuck in my head There was no one that could get me out of it Yes I think the drinking was a bit excessive Just to be frank the drinking ain't what caused me to be aggressive My heart has been taken over Everyday I get colder to 'em I realize need to let go expression from the get go to 'em Feeling it like I just need to speak my brain

Banquet-Bloc Party

And if you feel A little left behind We will wait for you on the other side 'Cause I'm on fire 'Cause you know I'm on fire when you come

Homage-Mild High Club

Please just have a laugh with me 'Cause you know I'm borrowing by now These sounds, have already crowned Come on it's a silly dream Dreaming of the imagery unfound The view sits nice from that cloud

Make You Better-The Decemberists

I'll love you in springtime I lost you when summer came And when you pulled backwards I wanted to, I needed to Oh-oh, to make me better

Andromeda- Weyes Blood

Treat me right I'm still a good man's daughter Let me in if I break And be quiet if I shatter Gettin' tired of looking You know that I hate the game Don't wanna waste any more time You know I been holdin' out Love is calling It's time to give to you

Skulls-Bastille

I don't want to rest in peace I'd rather be the ghost that annoys you I hope you can make me laugh Six feet down when we're bored of each other A match is our only light

When our lives are over and all that remains Are our skulls and bones, let's take it to the grave And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms I'll be buried here with you And I'll hold in these hands, all that remains

Leather-Tori Amos

Look, I'm standing naked before you Don't you want more than my sex? I can scream as loud as your last one But I can't claim innocence Oh God, could it be the weather? Oh God, why am I here? If love isn't forever And it's not the weather Hand me my leather

waves-Miguel & Kacey Musgraves

Put it out, I'm on fire, fire That’s what I’m about, take me higher, higher, tonight I'm gonna ride that wave

the last beautiful thing I saw..-Paris Paloma

And I looked up, and saw the sun It separated all the colors And the ice, into my eyes It fell and left me blind That was the last thing that I saw The fractured glass and its downpour I felt the blood mix with the water And I didn't see no more

Rut-The Killers

So I'm handing you a memory I hope you understand That steadily reminds you of who I really am

This city's always breathing, I wish that it would die The kickbacks and the bachelors, the fever for the velvet rope The money from my mother's men I'm not like her, you're not like them

Tell Me You Love Me-Sufjan Stevens

My love, I've lost my faith in everything Tell me you love me anyway, tell me you love me anyway My love, I feel myself unravelling Tell me you love me anyway, tell me you love me anyway My love, I feel the darkness on my back

Eternal Flame-Saint Sister

I believe it's meant to be, darling I watch you when you are sleeping You belong with me Do you feel the same? Or am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?

Milk & Black Spiders-Foals

Oh, I hope you can hear me All those million miles away, you'd stay 'Cause I'd love you dearly All those billion miles away 'Cause I've been around two times And found that you're the only thing I need

BONUS TRACK: Smut-Tom Lehrer

Give me smut And nothing but! A dirty novel I can't shut If it's uncut And unsubt-tle

Taglist: @asnowfern @damedechance @foundress0fnothing @foreverinelysian @gaeleria @goddess-aelin @itsthedoodle @kataravimes-of-the-shire @krem-does-stuff @labellefleur-sauvage @moodymelanist @c-e-d-dreamer @nessianweek @octobers-veryown @popjunkie42-blog @reverie-tales @rosanna-writer @spell-cleavers @sassyhobbits @separatist-apologist @secret-third-thing @thesistersarcheron @the-lonelybarricade @ultadverb @vulpes-fennec @witchlingsandwyverns @xtaketwox @wilde-knight @witch-and-her-witcher @iftheshoef1tz @ofduskanddreams @talons-and-teeth

[inlovewithregencyera]

July 5th, 1818

For my early birthday present, Aunt Helena and Uncle Peregrine have given me a diary they secretly hid in Frederick’s carriage. I will not see them until the latter half of August, as they are to accompany Martha to Picelieri this coming Friday on her engagement trip. It will be a special time for her, and her last trip as an unmarried woman. Ashley and Patience will remain here in Isturia. I will admit, I currently feel silly, as I thought Frederick had given me a gift. He laughed at me when I read that it was from my dear Aunt and Uncle. This was the first time I’ve seen him smile today. He sits across from me and his gaze is fixed upon the passing landscapes. We have just left Elmsworth and have started towards Oakmere to see Frederick’s mother. He was in a frenzy this morning to get to see her and was adamant that we should leave before ten o’clock. He would not tell me why we were leaving so early, so I could only assume something was wrong. There is a certain sadness in his eyes, and he looks like he is on the verge of tears. I just wish I could hold him in my embrace again once more like last night. He kissed me twice yesterday, and I am at the peak of my bliss! That is all I can think about. I do hope whatever is troubling him will be resolved soon. I must stop writing now, as we have just arrived at Oakmere. 

TRANSCRIPT:

Peregrine: Ah, Lord Worthington and Aurelia! A blessing to see you both. Oh, are you leaving so soon?

Frederick: I'm afraid so Mr. Ramsbury. My mother awaits me and I must see her. After, I shall take Lady Aurelia to Brindleton, if that is agreeable to her of course-

Aurelia: Oh, yes! I'd love to see your mama.

Helena: Oh, but it's so early! Are you sure you'd like to leave just this minute?

Aurelia: Oh Aunt Helena, he wishes to see his mama and I shall not be in his way.

Helena: But you didn't eat breakfast dear! Surely you're starved?

Aurelia: I was quite fagged from the evening. I have no appetite as of now, and I shall eat at Paelford.

Frederick: I am afraid that I must see my mother as soon as possible. I kindly thank you for last night, I had a wonderful time, but I must go this instant.

Helena: Oh my, well I do hope everything is well with Lady Worthington.

Frederick: I thank you, I bid you both a good day.

Aurelia: Goodbye Aunt and Uncle! I love you both dearly. Please give Ashley and Martha my love.

Peregrine: Goodbye dear child. We shall see you in August! And yes, I shall tell them you've left.

Helena: Oh go along now girl before I am consumed by tears.

*pearls rustling in container, heavy knocking on door*

Martha: Well good God Ethel, I've told you I'm not yet ready for-

*door creaking*

Patience: It's a shame I'm not Ethel. It's also a pity that I'm not William Carew.

Martha: Now now Patience, please-

Patence: You betrayed me! You've taken his hand when you told me you wouldn't last summer!

Martha: Patience please understand me, I-

Patience: What about us Martha, what about our love?

Martha: Our love still remains, It is just going to wait until after I am married.

Patience: What?

Martha: We cannot continue doing the things we do until after I am Mrs. Carew.

Patience: Why do you have to be Mrs. Carew?!

Martha: Patience, because you're a fool if you think I'll die a spinster! I am marrying solely for my own comfort. He has wealth and has promised me a comfortable life. I shall give him an heir and he will be happy.

Patience: So you do not love him?

Martha: Heavens no! I am doing well by my family for accepting his proposal. My parents will have a grandchild because God knows you and Ashley cannot seem to conceive one. Then all is well.

Patience: Do you promise me you do not love him?

Martha: *kissing neck softly* My darling, I shall never love one like I love you.

Patience: I cannot bear the thought of losing you. Oh Martha, I was so scared that you stopped loving me.

Martha: *whispering in ear* For as long as I am on this earth, you shall never go unloved by me.

[boxwinebaddie]

hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3

oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3

i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.

because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/

...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.

however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?

( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )

or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?

i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.

but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.

and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.

ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.

i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.

( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )

got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.

idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.

in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.

thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.

tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.

miss you and love you. happy kyle week.

-uncle nina

[dearmahiru-archive]

Hiii :3 For the Milgram ask game: 5, 14, 19 for Mahiru and 9, 12, 16 for Shidou?

omg hi hi hello hello :3c

5. favorite voice drama line/moment?

Mahiru: Kotoko-chan’s acts aren’t a problem, either. I think she’s fighting for her own cause as well. So I don’t blame her. Because I also think that I… that my love isn’t wrong. I don’t want to be shamed for my love.

Mahiru: Yeah. Es-kun, you’re working so hard… You’re doing great. Es: …! Mahiru: …Oh my… are you crying? Es-kun… Es: I’m not! Mahiru: You’re putting up a tough front.

(*kicking, crying, sliding down the wall dramatically, banging my head on the wall, ripping my hair out, screaming, punching air, rolling in dirt, eating sand angrily*)

i am so normal about this :) i expected mahiru's second voice drama to lean in thick on guilt-tripping and having mahiru be bitter but no. not only does she not get angry but instead she just forgives everyone involved. what the actual fuck

14. any headcanons on their appearance?

went :0 when i saw this question and went to go finish this little edit i was working on! i really really love the idea of mahiru having tan skin and her being a gyaru when she was a younger. i was actually hoping to make some blasian edits for the milgram cast (since i'm blasian!) but i'm a bit worried about being sent hate </3

19. what do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

well you see (*shuffles through seven pages worth of self-projection*) it all started when she was born─

kidding kidding! i imagine that, during her years at an all-girls school, mahiru was apart of a popular clique but felt detached from them because they often took advantage of her. coupled with her sheltered upbringing, depression, and insecurities, this manifested in her strong desire to feel and give love to someone.

i also like to think teenage mahiru's hair was a little bit longer!

9. do you forgive/not forgive their crime on its own?

oh god this is another hard one─ um. i feel like if i was asked this about a real life person then my initial reaction would be, "this should not be my business." it feels so deeply personal to the people involved in the case that my input would feel grossly inappropriate.

i will say yes if only because it was for love. because, if asked if you could forgive someone's murder if it was out of a love, wouldn't you naturally want to forgive them? shidou's entire case is so messy but if i forgive mahiru for her twisted perspective of love that hurt people then i can surely forgive shidou. though, i do understand why someone else wouldn't be able to forgive him.

12. what do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

hm, i'm not quite sure if there's any more discussions to mine? out of all of the characters i think shidou's treated mostly fairly, just plagued with the organ harvesting theory and amane discourse.

i personally would love to see more discussions about mahiru and shidou's parallels! i adore the similarities between fuuta and mu, so it saddens me that i don't know enough about shidou's character to draw the same for shidou/mahiru. if anyone wants to enlighten me i'd be thrilled!

OH AND THE JACK THE RIPPER REFERENCE IN HIS NAME!! it's very funny to me he's the only character who, to my knowledge, references an serial killer. buddy my bud are you good.

16. how do you think they actually sing in regular life?

boooring answer i imagine his voice would be similar, he'd just be more amateurish and hit the same notes as easily. i love this question though because it popped up the image in my head of shidou being taken to a mixer and awkwardly trying to do karaoke.

[morb-untamed]

Most of my friends on the HOHS discord already know this, but I figured I'd place it here as well.

Next Thursday I'm getting an ACL reconstruction and meniscus surgery on my right knee. This is an injury I have had for over 2,5 years and I ignored for too long as I was getting brushed off by professionals multiple times. Something about me either being young and not being an athlete probably. Meanwhile this problem has been getting worse over time that I cannot walk or do certain activities without pain and instability.

I know this isn't life-threatening, but because of this I had to halt my training as a florist, stop the first and only sport I genuinely enjoyed, and now have to put my life on hold for. And after my surgery I'm gonna need to go through intense physical therapy that's going to last for about a year.

But first I need to heal. So depending on how I feel I'm gonna be less active here for at least the first few weeks, and probably won't write and draw as much as I usually do. But once I feel better I really hope to get back into the swing of things and write and draw to my heart's content as I'll be stuck at home for at least 6 weeks.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous. And the closer I get to the surgery the more I'm thinking to myself "Oh my fucking god what have I gotten myself into.". It's gonna be a challenge to allow myself to heal, depend on others, and regain trust in my own body.

It is also hard to not feel like I am being dramatic and over exaggerating even though this surgery is giving me a lot of anxiety and dread. I'm also having a lot of internalised ableism towards myself, which has made this injury worse in the first place. Like I can walk, I seem fine, so there's nothing wrong! Everyone experiences a little pain! I'm just being a baby. Meanwhile I know that this isn't the right way to think, and does more harm then good.

Once I'm home I'll post an update, and I hope I can get back into creating and doting on my blorbo's as soon as I can. Sorry for the long text, but if you've taken the time to read this I thank you either way.

Wish me luck <3

[dolly-macabre]

❄Winter Wonderklok Day 2❄

❄Baking Cookies❄

Figured I'd write a little bonding between Dolly and one of the moms!

Dolly taps her manicured black nails against the kitchen counter. Ever since the band’s moms had shown up at Mordhaus, she’s been on edge. They'd pretty much taken things over with the decorating, which Dolly had willingly volunteered to do long before she'd known they would be coming. This would be her second Christmas living at Mordhaus, and she was just finally starting to get back into the spirit. Last Christmas was the first one without Jade, so it didn't really feel fun or festive. This year Toki is overly excited, out shopping for the rest of the boys while Murderface and Knubbler are working on some kind of brutal Christmas special. Even if the rest of the boys were being grinches, it almost felt like home this time. She and Pickles even wore matching Christmas sweaters! But now that she's stuck with the moms decorating Mordhaus, she feels drained, missing her Christmases back in Wisconsin and how special they were. When she’s told to find Rose Explosion and help her with cookies in the kitchen, she mumbles and does what she's told. Their goal was to bake enough cookies that the mothers would be bringing leftovers home for the rest of their families. Which gave Dolly a dastardly idea. After a quick pit stop to her bathroom for what she needed, she made her way to the massive kitchen. 

Dolly kept quiet at first, going through the motions. She didn't dislike Rose, but she honestly didn't feel very great about how close all the mothers were with Molly. The last time she'd seen that awful woman was less than pleasant. That whole wedding had been a nightmare. 

“What's bothering you, dear?” Rose asked. “Am I taking up all the fun?”

Mother's sure do know when something's off, don't they? Dolly's mother was also very perceptive to these things when she was a young girl.

“No, Mrs. Explosion, I-”

“Oh, you can just call me Rose, dear!”

“No, Rose…” Calling her by her first name felt kinda wrong. It went against how her parents had raised her. “I just… I got a lot on my mind, y'know?”

“You must miss home,” Rose said, sympathy in her tone. 

“I mean, yeah. But there's nothing left to go home to… My home is here now, and I'm just gonna have to adjust to things being… Well… So different.”

“Feeling sentimental about the past, huh?” Rose hands her a cookie dough scoop which she takes, dropping balls of cookie dough onto stiff parchment paper, “Tis the season, I suppose!”

“Yeah. Actually, me and Jade used to make all the cookies for the family, up until she just couldn't do it anymore… Once she passed, Christmas just didn't feel right.”

“Oh, yes… Molly told me about that.” 

Of course, that big mouth was talking about her family to the other mothers. Dolly rolls her eyes. 

“Well, she should keep her mouth shut,” Dolly grumbles as more dough drops from her scoop. 

“Dahlia! That's not very kind of you to say.”

“I really don't care. She's never done anything for me. She hated my family.”

“Is that so?” Rose looks concerned. 

“Yeah. The last time I saw her was at Seth's stupid wedding, and that whole family found a way to make mine and Pickles’s lives a living hell in just forty-eight hours, but especially Molly…”

Rose is listening intently. 

“I know she just seems like another mom to you guys but the things she said to me that day were unforgivable.”

“That bad?”

Dolly gives Rose a very disgruntled look. 

“That bad,” Rose echoes. She grimaces. “I know she seems stern, but she's just looking out for her family–”

“She told me that she wished I died the day I tried to kill myself…”

“She what?”

“Yeah, she thinks I have some sort of hold on her son and thinks I'm the reason he became such a bad apple.”

“That is no excuse! Good God! You're obviously a sweet and caring woman… I wish my Nathan could find one like you!”

Dolly chuckles as she sets a couple of pans into the preheated oven. 

“Thanks, Rose. That really means a lot to me. I feel like I've been walking on eggshells since she got here.”

“Well, this next batch is going to be for their family,” Rose said, stirring up some sugar cookie dough. 

“Oh, yeah?” Dolly lifts an eyebrow.

How convenient… 

Rose turns her back to watch the ridiculous Christmas special that had gone live about ten minutes ago. It was far from brutal like Murderface had promised. It even pandered to Christianity. 

Nathan's probably pissed.

Without missing a beat, Nathan yells from across Mordhaus. “Murderface!” 

Called it.

She begins to stir up the chocolate chip dough, using her other hand to reach into her pocket. She pulls out some Exlax chocolates in a plastic baggie, crushing them into smaller chunks with just her free hand. As she sets down the wooden spoon, she sprinkles the chocolates in with the chocolate chips. 

Enjoy shitting your pants, dickheads. 

“And just what do you think you're doing, missy?” Rose crosses her arms across her chest, a small smirk showing that she isn't too concerned. 

“Just paying the good tidings forward!”

Rose spots the discarded baggie with the Exlax package visible. 

“Dolly!” she exclaims, but then lets out a small chuckle, “I won't speak a word of it. Promise.”

Dolly beams ear to ear, “Ya know, Jade and ma would've liked you. I'm certain of it!”

“They sound like wonderful ladies. I'm honored!”

With that, Rose and Dolly finish dropping the dough onto pans and slide them in the oven. 

“You know, you're pretty handy in the kitchen!” Rose says as they start to clean up the mess. 

Dolly lets out a hearty laugh, “Only when it comes to baking… I'm a worthless cook! Thanks for making this fun. I'm not having that terrible of a time!”

“Good to hear it! You just need family to talk to and you're part of our family now, whether you like it or not!”

A small laugh puffs from Dolly's nose, “Is that a threat?”

“And a promise!”

Just then a ping came from Rose's pocket. She opens her phone and a mischievous smile crosses her face. 

“The ladies found where they've been hiding the booze from us. You wanna have a drink?”

“More than anything!” Dolly exclaims, wiping the sweat from her forehead. “We should just crash that lame Christmas special!”

“Good idea! Let's go spread some Christmas cheer, girly!” Her strong hand slaps down on Dolly's shoulder as a show of comradery. 

“Right behind ya Rose!”

[t-dick-sapphic]

I’d be more than happy on my knees for you, I’d have my tongue on your cock as long as you’d like. 😘 I can’t help but imagine how you’d taste. The thought of you thrusting into my mouth mercilessly has me further wishing I was there. 😮‍💨

Ohhhh I love both ideas for how you’d finish. Using the same vibe that I did last night sounds so hot, but can’t say I’d complain at you coming undone with my mouth around your throbbing tdick. Feeling you press hard into me, holding me in place. I’m thinking about how much your cock would twitch if I moaned while you had me there…

I fucking love that you’re obsessed with the thought of me in the desperate state I was in last night. Lick and bite me wherever you desire— it wouldn’t take much for me to cry out. You haven’t listed a single thing that I wouldn’t come undone by. You commanding me to hump your thigh is perfection. God, I’d love to hear that filthy string of praises... I’d only be able to cry and moan in response.

And of course, fuck me for as long as you stand, even after I’m tired and cockdrunk. If you have the energy to keep going? By all means, have your way with me. Fuck me until I pass out. Make me your whore.

I noticed that post about wanting your partner to turn up the controls on that vibrator inside you… I can’t help but wonder if you’ve told her all about these horny messages I’ve sent you? How hard it’s made you. I hope she gets just as much enjoyment from the result of these messages as you are. 😉

(Also I see those tags on your response to my ask, I’m glad you enjoyed it so much that you’ll use it to get off often. I’ll be doing the same with that audio, I still can’t stop thinking about it. On another note hopefully everything I’ve said this far has been alright to say! If I ever cross a line at any given point don’t hesitate to say so.) -🌾

Okay apologies in advance for any typos or incoherent parts i'm really high, but i wanted to respond to this now because i just did something i think you'll enjoy hearing ;)

I read this ask just about an hour ago, when I'd already taken some edibles and was waiting for them to kick in. Went upstairs to shower when I was already getting high and by the time I was rinsing my hair I was fully high --

and suddenly so, so horny, because I remembered this ask as well as the previous image of you shaking in the shower, cum sliding down your inner thighs along with water droplets, fucking yourself with your toys and the memory of my voice. My cock was immediately hard.

my skin also gets extra sensitive when i'm high, so I stroked my chest and nipples; i also like to stroke along the edges of my top surgery scars, for whatever reason that area is as sensitive as where my nipples are

after a minute of stroking my chest and circling one finger under the head of my cock, imagining it was your tongue, i reached for the shower head. i took it off the wall and lowered it and angled it up to hit my tdick; as it hit my hard, sensitive cock in a steady pulse, I imagined you standing in your bathroom with your vibe.

i got so close to cumming there, but pulled the shower head away right before that could happen. i'm not even sure what made me decide to stop, to edge and tantalize myself this evening. but i decided i wanted to reply to your ask before i cum.

so here i am sitting on the couch, cock still throbbing (earlier i stretched my skirt taut over it and i swear i could see the tip pushing against the fabric, god i'd love for you to be here, for me to command you to slide your pants off, to come stand in front of me and turn around; then i'd put my hands on both your hips and guide you down onto my lap, so i could grind up into your ass, so that you can feel my tdick through the fabric of my skirt. --

Anyway let me actually respond to what you said in this ask lol.

fuck, i like knowing that you'd love to know how i taste. that you'd run your tongue up and down the length of my tdick, savoring it.

oh god the idea makes me feel a little desperate; i just realized i'm thrusting lightly upward into the front of my skirt, urgent for any sort of pressure on my cock.

these words in particular: "By all means, have your way with me. Fuck me until I pass out. Make me your whore." have me absolutely writhing with need. my cock gave quite the twitch reading that. Having you command me that, to tell me to make you my whore...it's so fucking hot. you're so fucking hot. i'm thinking back to when i was in the shower a bit ago, and i got to a phase of being high where when my eyes are closed i swear i can actually feel whatever it is i'm imagining; so for a moment there i was convinced you were actually in the shower with me. god my cock hasn't ached this hard in a while.

sorry this is so stream-of-consciousness but i just realized i'm still bucking my hips upwards into my skirt. fuck fuck fuck i can see the tip of my cock raising the fabric with each thrust.

during all of this, my lover is on the other side of the room, seemingly completely absorbed in what she's watching on her phone, utterly oblivious. but let me answer your wondering about whether she saw our messages to each other:

yes. last night i had gotten my lover high with edibles while staying sober myself, and then sent her some messages here on tumblr because whenever she gets high, she gets horny and logs on to see what i've left her. i included links to the first two messages from you, and audio post to you.

she did indeed greatly enjoy reading the filthy things i've said i'd do to you, the comments you've made making it clear how much you want me. how i've taken control of you, getting you to listen to porn in public, to fuck yourself to exhaustion.

once we had started fucking, i kept telling her about our latest messages. i told her about you imagining my fingers thrusting up into you, as i thrust my fingers into her.

after i told her about how i wrote about commanding you to hump my leg, she instructed me to hump her thigh while she took over fingering herself.

oh god, just stood up and i've soaked through the bottom of my skirt, into the couch cushion. that's so embarrassing. i'll have to clean that up tomorrow lmao

i'm going to go to bed now, and fantasize i'm climbing into your bed to make you my whore, to fuck you till you pass out. i'd love knowing you fall asleep tonight imagining that too.

____

(likewise, please let me know if anything i do or say crosses a boundary!

i feel like this response in particular might be extra horny, so tell me if it's too much!)

[superfluouskeys]

Personal ask anon here! Yeah, no worries, it is a bit of a personal question! I just found that even though I never thought I'd have a partner and least of all get married, I have completely accidentally met a woman I'm now engaged to, and it has been such a weird experience, in the sense that I am not even remotely as crazy about it as I thought I'd be. I never believed in engagement nor marriage, and then one morning relatively recently I was just totally impulsively like haha, this is so great, marry me? And she was like, yeah! :) And I was so taken aback by my own behaviour that it took me several weeks to process lol, especially because I feel no regret about doing it. I have had dozens of weird flings, situationships, relationships, and most of them were toxic and weird as fuck, but then I find myself at almost thirty (which is still pretty young imo), this woman comes along and I rediscover the power of love lol?! Is that what getting older is?? I simply wanted to hear from someone my age or older who might have Thoughts to share that are not "uwu you've Found One True Love Disney Bullshit" haha! I genuinely think it is a shift in me personally, and not me just finding the perfect person that Cured Me, even though we are objectively a good match on many levels. It just feels so normal?? Anyway, this was ranty! You don't have to respond, I just thought you might have interesting opinions on this topic, you vibe like someone who has Lived Life in the sense that you're not a chronically online person whose perception of relationships is forged on the internet lol

Ahhh, I understand now!! That's really wonderful news, congratulations!!!!!

Since I didn't want to answer the first question (which I suppose is a kind of answer lol) I wasn't sure how to frame the rest without more info! I definitely find lately that I'm thinking a lot about how I used to view and be in relationships when I was younger, and especially how much I've chilled out about it lol! I think it's partly just getting older, but it's also learning and growing from your past experiences, and being open to the changes within yourself! Lots of people get older and keep doing the same shit, and/or they're the ones out here propagating fake bs that makes themselves feel better about their shitty choices while making esp younger people feel like they're just doing it wrong, or like that's something they could never imagine for themselves. Learning from both good and bad experiences and choosing to do and find better is not nothing!

And I definitely feel you that it takes a little bit of an adjustment period just to be like, 'oh, i guess i'm like this now?? huh.' I used to be really emotionally closed off and guarded, and it took me an unreasonably long time to even decide if I liked or could trust someone on a very baseline level. Not too long ago I realized I'm fairly open-hearted these days, and that I can trust my instincts--when I know I like someone, I know, and if it turns out it doesn't work for other reasons, I can accept that it's not some kind of moral failing on my part. But it took a couple of months of just sitting with that realization before I could be like, yeah, I think this is just how I feel now, and I need to adjust how I act accordingly to respect that change in myself!

And god I also used to hate how people would be like 'you'll just feel different when you're older, your priorities will just change uwu' when from my perspective they were justifying settling for less than their worth LOL! When really what I think it comes down to is meeting someone you click with when you're both ready for it, and you've done enough work on yourselves to be able to roll with the punches! It's a truly beautiful thing to realize one day that in spite of everything, you're willing, able, and ready to love! I wish you all the best, and thank you so much for sharing!!!

[crystalelemental]

"megazardx2: I am of the firm belief that, aside from gimmick ‘mons like Unown or whatever, there shouldn’t be a single Pokemon that’s virtually useless in-game. Competitively, you can’t really avoid it, but in-game, you definitely can. I want to see major improvements to ‘mons like that for Gen X. Let me use Ledian without it feeling like a drag, Game Freak (and also Spinda)!"

It's tough, because "useless in general gameplay" is a wildly variable condition. Like...is Spinda useless?

It has some decent options to use in its arsenal, its stats are just low, and that can be overcome. Ledian isn't great, but it does have Baton Pass and Agility, and Dual Screens, all naturally. Most options, even without raw power and stats, have some solid tools. The bigger frustrations, and the things that drive me absolutely insane, are when Pokemon should have access to something they don't. Like, why does Houndoom, a Dark type focused on special attack, not have Dark Pulse naturally? Why does Drowzee, the Dream Eating Pokemon, not learn Dream Eater naturally in any generation? Why is the best Ice move that Mamoswine every learns naturally Ice Fang? Why did it take to Gen 6 for options like Sandslash to get natural access to Earthquake? Hell, why is the only Ground move it learned naturally prior Sand Tomb?

That's where the stupid lies. Because these Pokemon can be good, they can have access to useful tools that are extremely good...but only conditionally, based on having access to the TM at a reasonable point in the game, rather than the end. Like okay, I want to run Sandslash in HGSS. In order for that to be meaningful, I'd have to learn Dig first, because oops, Earthquake is in Victory Road. Or god forbid, you opted for Umbreon as a slow, tanky sack of shit that can barely attack at all. Your options are (1) Toxic (post-game with Janine's gym), (2) healing support (Wish is breed only, Moonlight is level 71, Heal Bell is tutor with BP), or (3) copy Karen's Curse deal for boosting (Breed only). All of these options are frustrating and shitty, and rely on putting up with something being unnecessarily bad until it can suddenly become good. Or, in extreme cases like Platinum, which I love dearly but oh my god, you have the entire game working its best to lock entire playstyles out of player access. Oh you need boosting moves or any kind of status? Yeah, that's BP gated to post-game, sorry. Even with infinite reuse TMs these problems still exist in legion. ORAS transitioned access to Thunderbolt, a staple, to effectively just before the League; Wattson isn't around for this quest until after you beat Wallace. You want to run Calm Mind Audino? Then I hope you have a plan until post-game or someone who's got the TM already, because that's something you only get after finding one of the Sages, and it's one you have to battle, too!

It's just...endlessly frustrating that in a game about customizing your team, they lock so many decisions out of consideration. I get that some of these tools are considered super strong (although Toxic is useless in main game, given the Full Restore spam you get), but if boosting is such a problem, design your fights better. Emerald had this shit figured out easy, every fight in that game has a lead with hard counterplay to setup sweepers, and it rules. Meanwhile in Gen 4, Cynthia is incredibly weak to setup. But that game effectively removed all setup TMs from the game, so when are you ever going to be able to use that? Well, Gardevoir and Alakazam learn Calm Mind so-oh right they're weak to Spiritomb and have nothing to significantly threaten it.

Oddly, one of the things that modern gens have done a little better is ease the access to TMs, but nothing is given without something of equal value being taken away, so we're back to single-use Technical Records, and you need to farm watts or random encounter materials to make it work. The materials are at least smarter than the watts; anyone who's ever used an action replay or GameShark back in the day can tell you how quickly the main game crumples when you get early access to Ice Beam/Thunderbolt/Flamethrower shit. Having more staggered release makes sense in some cases, but it also disproportionately hits certain Pokemon because they're not learning basic moves for their type. And that's a massive goddamn problem. TMs should be for supplemental coverage, not the basics of your STABs. Yet consistently, they're essential just to round out what should be there. Even modern gens have this learnset problem. Hey Coalossal, what's your best physical Rock-type move? Oh, Rock Blast? Which you learn at level 54? So if I want a real move I have to hunt down watts for Rock Slide or Stone Edge, otherwise your Rock-type STAB just sucks ass forever? Radical. There's no reason for it! Things should learn a ton of moves within their types, starting small and building up to powerful endgame stuff. I should never have to use a TM to learn the basics. Even if they only learned STAB moves, that's better than what we have now. I'd rather Swampert actually just learn a physical Water move like Liquidation, than get Rock Slide in its movepool for coverage, because at least Liquidation for its basic function and Rock Slide for something to build with TMs feels intentionally designed.

[garden-bug]

ABOUT ME 🐞🦟🐛🪲🐜🪳🦋🪰🦗🐝

I am garden-bug and you can refer to me as such. I love bugs big and small but mostly big (unless I have a microscope handy which I literally don't guys I don't have a microscope). My favourite insects are praying mantids or ants and I have written too many essays that talk about ant symbolism.

I am a literature student and literature analysis is not my degree it is my lifestyle.

I am multi fandom. I will list fandoms I engage with, my takes and my fics below:

Star Wars

OG Trilogy: Amazing incredible

Prequels: Flawed but culturally relevant

Sequels: 💀💀

The Mandalorian: Seasons 1 & 2 changed my life but none as much as season 3 which I was so appalled by that I spent the summer of 2023 rewriting

Ahsoka: 💀💀

Thrawn 1st 2 trilogies: Literally space Sherlock Holmes I love the Thrawn trilogies (haven't read the original yet I know shock horror but idt I'd cope)

Clone Wars: Very cool, Ahsoka my beloved. Darth Maul.

Anything not mentioned I either haven't seen, abhorred, or forgot what happened in.

My other takes:

New Star Wars is kinda… trash??

I do not like Dave Filoni's writing or his mando-verse or whatever he's calling it.

Ezra and Thrawn space adventures forever in our hearts 💔

Thrawn is an anti-villain guys.

Ships:

I wish I could ship Shin x Sabine but I've seen brick walls with more chemistry.

Thranto

DINLUKE!!!

My Fics:

Mandalorian S3 (+ Ahsoka series rewrite):

Force-school crack fic:

One Piece

I am on WATER SEVEN! I love Franky with my whole life and Iceberg is a beautiful man. Finished Dressrosa for Doflamingo and Law and Corazon. I cried. I’m kind of skipping around honestly because I’ve pretty much had everything spoiled I just pick an episode and go.

Ships

Zolu and Lawlu on the aroace spectrum my beloved 💞💞

Not been convinced by Zosan...

FROBIN!!

Oh my god dofuwani

Other takes:

I LOVE OPLA! It stole my heart. OPLA cast my beloved. So good. Amazing. Even my mum loved it.

Yes it’s a little different to the manga/anime and misses some details, but I think it does a brilliant job for what it is, capturing the essence of One Piece and making it more accessible to a wider audience. You would not catch my mum watching the anime that’s all I’m saying.

Crocodad/Crocomom is real idc

The one piece is real

My fics:

This was meant to be a silly genderbend dofuwani fic but it derailed significantly. Now it’s like 30k, Croco’s got a traumatic backstory, Luffy abandonment complex origin story *spoilers: crocomom*, Doffy has some gender realisations, fem dofuwani has taken over my brain like a fungus, it’s also somehow just really really fun to write.

Death Note

I don't interact with this fandom much because my takes are shaped by my AU so I literally relate to nothing. Death Note has be in a constant choke-hold just always like it’s always there in the back of my mind. I think it made me who I am. Uhh help.

Ships:

Not a lawlight shipper. Light was mean and evil and L deserved better 11yr old me was distraught and my feelings have never changed.

L x Lola (OC)

In my AU Near and Mello are raised as siblings so their ship kinda freaks me out.

Idc abt Matt I never even wrote him into my fic (rip).

Mello x Halle my beloved. I love when two bisexuals fall in love.

Other takes:

The manga is better.

The anime deserves a re-adaptation??

Near is my absolute favourite fictional character ever (genuinely do not know why huh) he is so annoying and I adore him.

Mello didn't die what L and Lola saved him.

My Fics:

I wrote this when I was 12 but it is the basis for my AU and deserves all the honorary mentions:

Jujutsu Kaisen

WHAT THE FUCK -

My fics:

Cosy one-shots basically:

Bungou Stray Dogs

Chaos shambled disarray that somehow I enjoy.

Pisses me off but it has its moments.

Ships:

Sokoku is my all time absolute favourite ship ever of all time. Yeah no it still is I just checked.

My fics:

Dazai and Chuuya get hit by a tsunami oh no they have to face their tumultuous feelings for each other (spiral) and accidentally adopt/rescue a small child:

Ninjago

JUMP UP KICK BACK WHIP AORUND AN D SHPIN -

I love Ninjago. Lloyd my beloved. Zane is me fr.

Ships:

Jaya

Zane/Pixal

Kai/Skylor

Llorumi is a NO Harumi is an irredeemable monster and you cannot convince me otherwise. My sweet Lloyd deserves better.

I don't ship any of the ninja with each other ESPECIALLY not with Lloyd the age thing is a mess.

Images used in the ninjago memes are from Pinterest and saved to this board under the ‘I’m gonna make memes’ section: https://pin.it/4rN3gIj

[batgeance]

happy happy birthday to my closest friend on this terrible website. you make my day even by sending a stupid tiktok that makes me laugh until i cry. i'm still hunting for the cosmic jet fuel you showed me and am forever jealous that i can't have your order because they don't have that shit by me. red bull coffee heart attack aside, i love your heart. how deeply you feel always comes across even if you're not an outwardly emotional person. it's felt. it makes me love you even more. you're funny as hell and are also unapologetically you no matter what which is super rare. you're a great listener. you're also a rock and anyone who can truly, genuinely call you a friend is so lucky. you're a staple in my day whether we're bitching about work or life or buying multichrome eyeliners. i don't think i can get how important you are to me as a person across but i do hope you know how much i adore you. personal feelings aside, in terms of this site i've written with you across so many characters and have gotten to see so many different sides of your writing over time. each one gets a unique reaction out of arthur and it's so fun as a writer to shift into so many different situations and tones and feelings...all with the same person. sometimes i'd get followed and not know who it was then i'd see your staple b&w and oh it's rio LOL. but that's so fuckin cool?? the fact that you have so much versatility and i can look at a blog and not even know it's you until i get beaten with the branding. and then you made bruce on a whim and oh hey. kaz was a really pleasant surprise too you know how i feel about s&b yet i love brekker and i love how you control the lore now. terrible for the actor, but love that you've got the reins. on top of that you're a super talented writer. i love how you can craft such a morose scene yet also thread humor into it even if it's horrible gallows humor that losers like us find funny. anyway all that being said i love and appreciate you and i hope you know that i am so lucky to have you in my life and i know you've got plans today and you're sick. throw that afrin in a shot glass and have fun. i wish i could be there to celebrate with you but i think that'd be such a chaotic combo god went "no ❤️." happy happy birthday i love you wear your crow feathers to protect your aching throat and may your next trip around the sun be the absolute best ever. love you big big.

why you gotta make me ugly cry today? i'm crying more than i did at the fucking piercer, you ass. i love you. i LOVE you. i cannot begin to convey how much i appreciate and value your friendship in a world where true friendships are so often taken for granted. especially on this shit show website. you're the very very best. thank you from the bottom of my rotten cynical heart. i love you SO much.

[nitannichionne]

Ransom's Redemption (Chris Evans Fanfiction), Chapter 21: New York, New York (Ransom POV)

Oh, yeah. JFK, and I could feel the heartbeat of the city.

I do miss this place. My god, when I think of all the parties I had here, went to there, it's a wonder I wasn't in jail sooner.

I call Mimi as I head for the pick up area.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe, I'm here."

"Sounds like the airport."

"Yeah," I look around. "I wish you were here."

"Me, too." I see a driver holding a sign: RANSOM DRYSDALE. "Hey, my driver is here--"

"Driver?"

"Looks like it," I say, trying to hold in my excitement.

"Call me when you get to the hotel. I wanna see the room."

I laugh. "You got it."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

I hear her do a little gasp.

"Talk to you later."

"Okay," she giggles softly. "later."

I click off and head to the driver. Aw, yeah. I love New York. I t just makes my heart beat faster. "I'm Ransom." I nod to the driver.

"I'm Curtis," he nods and does a tip of his hat. He takes my carryon, and I wave off him carrying my backpack. "Alright, follow me, sir."

"Thanks."

"Did you have a good flight?"

"Yes, wasn't long." It was actually ninety minutes. Somehow, flying in made me feel as if I traveled far, far from some of the bad stuff in Boston-like my parole officer who isn't that bad, and Mr. Green whom I was happy to finish that part of my community service for. It had been a long three months. Then there were the guys at Clockwork, who I loved having a beer with.

I was taken to a hotel in Manhattan, a nice one at that. It reeked with romance, and I realized that was what Paul meant by "one stop shopping." We were going to do some work around the hotel. Though I was happy to see that, I also didn't like it. My parole officer ordered that I be in a room instead of a rental, he didn't realize how much could happen at a hotel if you could keep quiet or grease a few palms for discretion. I did love having my own room. I almost thought I'd have a celly. 

But I wish Mimi was here. It's nice to work in a place like this, but even nicer to bring her along. Even the room made me wish she was there, and I realized that I missed my chance:

I groaned as the alarm went off this morning. 

"Hey, you." Mimi said softly.

"Hey, you," I echoed. 

She scooted over to me and put her head on my chest. "It's much better today."

"Yeah, I noticed." I smile down at her.  "Nice to see you."

"Yeah," she said, snuggling closer. "Between Jojo and Dr. Renquist, I'm not as queasy anymore."

"That and knowing now that the smell of fish is a trigger."

"Yeah," she says sadly.

"Don't worry, you'll be back to eating salmon in no time, Mimi."

"I never thought a favorite would be off the list."

"And now all you want is burgers from that place down the street."

"Like some people I know," she teases. "I think it's the ketchup mayo thing I really like."

"Me too." The alarm sounds again, and I sigh, "Gotta get going."

"Awww--"

"Raincheck, babe," I tell her. "We can watch anime another day, okay?"

"Oh...okay."

I am an idiot! I realize what she was wearing:

She usually wears one of my t-shirts and pajama pants! 

Come to think of it, she's been wearing alot of really nice stuff lately...tempting me in the mornings...

I get to the hotel room and before I even begin to unpack, there is a knock at my door. I look through the peephole and laugh at Paul on the other side of the door. I open it, asking, "Damn, Paul, were we on the same plane?"

"I got here early to set things up for tomorrow," he laughs. "I mean, a long weekend sounds fun, right?"

"I plan on going home first chance I get," I tell him. "It's almost Christmas, man."

"We're a ninety minute flight away."

I look at him. I plan on being home on the 23rd. What is this guy talking about? The answer I come up with makes me feel bad for him. "Who are you spending Christmas with?"

"I dunno, changes year to year," he sighs. "I was thinking about going to see my sister."

"You two are like cat and dog!" I laugh.

"But we're all each other's got," he shrugs with a grimace. "Mom died, and Dad followed within months."

"I'm sorry, when--"

"Two years ago."

"Aw, I'm sorry, man." The idea of a pal spending Christmas alone sucked. I would get all kinds of presents from Mimi every month-tea and book. Art magazines came every month. Even then, the guards felt she loved me. I would get comic postcards or some that were of places from around the world that I actually left behind when I got out. Some kingpin of the block got jealous, thinking I had friends everywhere (which I did), but when I pointed out that they were all postmarked in Massachusetts, he let up.  I spent time binding them into joke books, some given in deals I had to make. My first Christmas in prison was the best. She sent me brushes, paints and paper (directly from the manufacturer) and I shared my art markers with other 'resident artists.' In fact, I left it all behind, and promised to send supplies to the library. I literally spend $200 a month to try to keep supplies up in there.

"You ready to go?"

I laugh at him. "I just got in, barely had a thought. I haven't shown Mimi--"

Then I'm just in time!" Paul cheers. "The lounge here is great, let's go down for a bit."

"Dinner and drinks," I say slowly. "I remember many wild nights that started that way."

"Aw, I can't help it if the Big Apple is always ready for another bite." He gives me a playlful slap on the shoulder. "We're on a pass--"

"Oh, we're military now?"

"Might as well be, with " the man" watching. C'mon, we should get going."

"The cuffs are lose, but--" I raise my ring hand. "This one isn't."

Paul raises an eyebrow at me. "Whatever."

"See ya in a bit, okay?"

"Alright, Ran."

That's what he used to call me when we used to go out partying. I pushed him out the door.  "In twenty."

The second he left, I called her:

As soon as I got rid of him, I called Mimi.

"Hey, babe," she greets with a little giggle. I smile at my reflection in the hotel mirror, looking at my bed, knowing that my ringer on her phone was I Wanna Do Bad Things With You.

"Hey, at the hotel."

"Nice?"

"Yeah," I sigh as I plop down on the bed, kick off my shoes and put my feet up. "It'd be alot more fun if you were here."

"I miss you, too." She is quiet for a moment. "Where's Paul?"

"Paul is someplace being Paul."

"'Photographer getting my money Paul' or 'I want my running buddy back Paul?'"

"Doesn't matter," I recline back on the pillow. "He's not wearing a ring."

"Good answer!" she giggles. "So, what're you up to, tonight?"

"Tonight is just dinner and drinks," I sigh. "Wish you were here for dessert, babe."

Her little sharp intake of breath makes me smile. "Oh, I wish I was, too."

"But then I wouldn't be as motivated to get work done and get home," I look around. "Wanna see the room? I'd love to bring you here."

"Let me see."

"Nice!"

"Restful, romantic," I correct. "But I bet it's a damn good view in the morning." 

"Yeah."

I note the sadness in her voice as I set my travel clothes aside. "What?"

"Nothing."

"What, babe?" I start 

"In the past, I seem to remember you being quite the party animal there."

"Say it again."

"In the past--"

"Stop right there," I say quickly. "Let's leave it there."

She laughs softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby," I say softly, responding to the lilt in her voice.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door. "Ah, hold on." I look to see Paul again, and let him in.

"Aw, you're not dressed?" he asks.

"We're just going downstairs."

"But--" he notices my earbud in my ear. "Is that--"

"Yes, Paul."

"Oh, hey--" 

"Flip him off for me," Mimi says with a smile I can hear.

I laugh out loud and do it.

"Rude," Paul sticks out his tongue.

"Just playin' around man--"

"Not really."  Mimi laughs. "Have fun." 

"Thanks, baby. I'll call you when I get back in." After we click off, I tell Paul, "You've got to do better with her."

"Yeah, yeah," he rolls his eyes. "C'mon man, let's go!"

@nuggsmum  @messyinsomnimaniac @jencanbeyouryengeralt  @sweetdreamsofgelato  @@mary-ann84  @omgkatinka  @the-soot-sprite  @viking-raider  @keanureevesisbae  @henryobsessed  @summersong69   @sunshine96love  @michelehansel    @thelastsock   @tumblnewby  @tenaciousneckpartypainter  @rn7rocks  @daydreamin83  @musicartmayheminmyheart @kaatelyynn-blog-blog@forallthebrokenheartedthings @alphacancrii  @liquorlaughslove @designerwriterchic   @tamychm  @nikkilynn303  @circesgirl1   @xoxohannahlee  @pixie88@fckdeusername @maan24  @kaatelyyynn​  @october505​ @absentmindr​ @introvertedmouse​  @sassy-pelican @griscka75 @kebabgirl67 @its-carlerr

[hideyseek]

/BARGES IN/ HELLO BUDDY REVERSE UNO CARD FANFIC ASK MEME 🥺, 🤡 , 🛒, ⌛

HIIIIIIIIIII ENNJI <3 I LOVE 2 BE UNO REVERSE CARDED!! also haha sorry these got ... quite long (i can talk about how long it takes me to write a thing for SO LONG buddy) so i'm putting the whole thing under a cut.

from these fanfic writer emoji asks

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

mmmmmmm.... had to think about this one for a bit because the types of interactions i tend to write for kakehai aren't actually the ones that put me in MY feels, haha. but i think moments of very small and mundane domesticity are moments i really like -- there's an almost off-hand kind of intimacy in that kind of sharing space that i'm really compelled by. that idea of like, oh this person is so familiar to me that things like reaching around them or being passed something by them is all happening somewhat subconsciously.

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

ohoho. i do think that i've gotten a lot less funny over the years, both as a person in how i interact with the world and also in the kind of writing i'm doing. part of this i think is just the particular bits of haiji/kazetsuyo that i latched onto (in particular contrast to the lighthearted, laugh-at-the-narrator, very romantic type of fic i primarily wrote for inception).

anyway, that to say i actually couldn't think of anything when i was answering this so then i went down a rabbit hole of google docs bc surely i'd written something i thought was funny in the last year and genuinely all i could find (though admittedly i didn't search very hard) was this snippet from a kunikidazai pwp ficlet i started for bcsdp when kunikida's been lost in thought for a while:

“Ku-ni-ki-da-kun,” Dazai prompts. “What’s happening upstairs?” “Nothing,” Kunikida snaps, and wishes he’d said none of your business as soon as Dazai smirks.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

ok well i was going to say "i don't know but i skimmed through all my posted fic on ao3 and i had two whole fics that involved the pov character being a forger of some kind and a core romance-related theme being 'what is real vs what is valuable' which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice".

but then i remembered that i have like, three or four wips across a couple fandoms that are all basically "what happens to my blorbo guy after a big, life-changing experience ends and then he's left adrift and has to figure out how to be a person?" so i'll say that! i'm really compelled by the idea of having a like, identity-defining project and then having that like -- end abruptly and having a character still have to be themselves without it.

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

SO LONG. ohh my god SO SO LONG. well okay that's not true, it really depends. one of my big "writing goals" (incredibly abstract goal, i would not say i'm working toward it) is to write faster.

i've gotten to a point where i can, more or less, rough out an outline of a 2-4k fic focusing on 1-2 character relationships with a single reasonably straightforward plot and no particular thematic intention in an afternoon, and probably draft it in a week (and revise in another week) if i'm not doing much else or the idea is really compelling and i don't get overthinky. a year or two ago, that would have taken me maybe a month or two of very like, focused and intense writing. but also there's like ... something about the 4k threshold that i just never can really cross with a fic like this.

but in terms of drafting and going from the start of an idea to an actual fic i am incredibly, incredibly slow. most fics that i'm writing now are more than 4k (even the mini version of heist!au is shaping up to be 5k ish) and are probably ... 3-5 drafts? for narrative!fic i've spent maybe 2-3 years now putting snippets in a evernote doc and drafted the first 1/4 to 1/3 of the story literally 4 times in the last year -- i'm like a chapter and a half into draft 4 now and that's taken already 2-3 weeks (and this was genuinely a fluke from the recent holiday weekend) and in my mind this is still a "first draft".

ok wow this was possibly more than you desire to know about how long it takes me to write things however haha i'm still not done! the thing that has been keeping me moderately sane about all this is this FANTASTIC BOOK called the art of slow writing by louise desalvo which i have also been reading incredibly slowly (i am about 60% of the way through and it has been since like, february of this year) but the book is this really wonderful (to me) collection of both desalvo's process and perspective of writing a novel, and a ton of referencing other writers and how goddamn long it took them to write things (with lots of gentle and loving mockery of writing as a practice, which i really enjoy). anyway! i recommend it -- whenever i get frustrated about how long a fic is taking i'll go read a chapter of this (they are all very short) and calm down about it.

[citrusreadstoa]

Reading The Dark Prophecy: Chapter 27 (SPOILERS)

Alrighty, I'm back from the holiday season! It went fantabulously, thank you so much for asking.

"when a bronze dragon smashes into them." *chanting* FESTUS! FESTUS! FESTUS!

"If you ask me, she's just jealous of their beautiful faces. BOOM!" Another good insult lost to the BOOM... Do you think Apollo would get smote if he insulted the gods? Do you think he's more or less likely to be smote than the average demigod (I say average because we know no one can top Percy's eagerness to piss off the Olympians)?

"Hello, we are your friends. You're going to die. Come with us." Oh, no. Twenty bucks the Hunters will at some point try to recruit Meg. She's exactly the right age and has exactly the right amount of murderous zeal. She probably wouldn't join, but the thought of Apollo having to work for one of his sister's immortal Moon cultists is funny.

"with choppy black hair" THA-LI-A!

"Lityerses, get out there!" "Sire... you were about to relieve me of duty. By killing me?" LMAO the ultimate entitlement.

"Something inside me, no doubt a character flaw, made me feel pity for the wounded Cornhusker." Something doesn't align with your traditional godly morals? Gotta be a character flaw. Honestly, I'm surprised he admitted he had a flaw at all instead of just blaming it on the mortal body.

"What's up, Lesteropoulos?" Apollo had a choice between telling Leo his mortal name and keeping it to himself, letting them continue to refer to him as Apollo. Clearly, he made the wrong decision.

"Can't I just let Festus stomp him?" Valid point, but have you considered: I am a sucker for a redemption arc. "Commodus betraying this swordsman made me almost as angry as . . . Zeus abandoning me in the mortal world for the third time." On that level? That's quite a leap.

"Thalia Grace climbed up behind me on the elephant--which fulfilled a daydream" Very specific daydream. Also, didn't Thalia renounce her last name? Thus, she wouldn't be Thalia Grace anymore, just Thalia. It was mentioned at the start of The Titan's Curse, I think, and definitely reiterated at the start of The Lost Hero when Jason asks what Thalia's last name is and Annabeth says she doesn't use it anymore but says that it used to be Grace, and that's what jogs his memory to recall his own last name. In short, everyone calling her Thalia Grace has been stomping all over her wishes. Thalia is not Thalia Grace -- she's just Thalia.

"Iphigenia, get the rest of the Hunters out of here." IPHIGENIA! I know I'm talking too much through this, but Iphigenia was the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra and when the Greek armies going to Troy could not proceed because Agamemnon had killed one of Artemis's sacred stags (like the dickhead he is), Artemis demanded her as a sacrifice. Agamemnon agreed to kill his own daughter so the armies could proceed to Troy and sacrificed her. In some versions, she just dies. In other versions, they all think she died but she was whisked away by Artemis to who-knows-where. I guess PJO Iphigenia was taken to join the Hunters! This little nod brings me so much joy.

"I'd forgotten how wonderful sunlight felt!" You... really? Ha... really?

"I drank, and my vision cleared immediately." I was going to say, I guess we have our answer to whether Apollo can still have nectar and ambrosia, but the elephant also drank it. "It's moonwater." Ah? So Apollo doesn't know about it. Is it supposed to be a secret and they've just had a serious info leak by Thalia telling it to Apollo? Or is this fine?

"Zeus has forbidden her from seeing you." Bitch (Zeus). "She's not even supposed to give us orders to help you." This was expected, actually. Of course he would forbid Artemis from helping her brother and from directing her cultists to do the same. Still, gods get around rules like this all the time. She must show up at some point. Then again, I just looked up her character art and SHE HAS NONE. So...

"We've been searching for a particular monster for months now" And every time they say that, the monster in question shows up within the book. Tell me it's not Sssssarah.

"Britomartis . . . urging them to come here . . . let's-pretend-that-never-happened." Oh, so Britomartis is good for something other than trapping sofa cushions and looking pretty.

"I was younger then" You have been frozen in time since then, but it's true mentally you've still matured. "I'd just spent several years as a pine tree." You specifically said you hardly felt those years go by. "My vision and reasoning were impaired from sap damage." That is hands-down the stupidest excuse I've heard come out of her mouth.

"he launches a reprisal." REPRISAL (n.): an act of retaliation