#sorry this is such a mess

[carefulfears]

wait are the “send me an episode” asks still open. can you do ascension my best friend ascension. ignore this if you don’t wanna. this is mikey silo1013 btw

HEYYYY you guys can ALWAYS send me an episode lol y’all know i love to talk

this is prob gonna be all over the place this episode makes me feel deranged i'm literally incapable of formulating a coherent thought about it

this is my favorite shot from ascension. mulder on top of the broken cable car, the sun setting behind him. he's so close to making it, and he's running out of time.

ascension is arguably the most poignant and effective portrayal of the show's core themes, and of what drives mulder, as it makes a point of placing him back in the one night that he never truly left.

once again, he's listening as the person closest to him screams his name for help. he's been trying to rewrite this moment, to walk back into this room, every day of his life, and he's not a child unable to respond anymore. he's not frozen in the corner.

he jumps up and rushes to the scene before the message even finishes, and he's still too late.

this is the reigning theme of the episode, as mulder obsessively searches for scully, unrelenting for a moment or a breath.

ascension is heavily visible, driven largely in its symbols, and this theme is referenced continuously in skyland mountain's tagline "ascend to the stars"

alluded to in the testimony that duane barry gave mulder in the previous episode

and hinted at again in the images of mountains behind duane and mulder in the interrogation

and so both mulder and duane keep ascending, racing against the trauma of their respective pasts, both trying to change their fate, to avoid reliving their worst nights over and over.

duane in his attempts to be spared as the person taken, and mulder in his desperation to not be the person left behind.

but in the end, at the very top, there is once again nothing to see but bright lights

i love this moment between mulder and maggie, back on the ground, when all is said and done. when she tells him that she's still having dreams about her daughter being taken away, and how much it scares her. and mulder responds, "it's probably scarier when you stop having the dream, don't you think?"

isn't it worth it, to be haunted, if it keeps someone close?

so the episode concludes with mulder returning to the top of the mountain, walking back into that room, into that loss, over and over. still left behind.

ascension is the mythology as its very best, in that it understood where the real danger lies. the fear in uncertainty.

the real danger lies in the man without a name in the corner, always visible and surrounded by smoke signals, but still impossible to find. shrouded in that same cloud that makes him so identifiable.

it lies in questions without answers, and the easiest explanation not necessarily being the most plausible. did duane barry find scully through the chip, or did someone give him her address? are the lights in the sky alien, or something closer to home?

as the audience, we are left just as in the dark as mulder is, never having anything to go on other than what is discarded in rental cars. cigarette butts, cross necklaces, lights in the sky, and nothing else to find when you reach the end of the road.

finally, you and i are both union-based krycek-girlies, so we must discuss his big moment.

(boys trip)

following his introduction and the reveal that he's working for CSM earlier in the season, ascension solidifies krycek's place in the game when he is given orders to slow mulder down at any cost

in an episode so defined by rush and the demand to make it to the top

krycek halts mulder in the air, finishing the race when only one of them knows the rules

and then disappears, another missing person leaving his partner behind, with a trail of crumbs behind him

[boxwinebaddie]

hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3

oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3

i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.

because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/

...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.

however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?

( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )

or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?

i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.

but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.

and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.

ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.

i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.

( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )

got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.

idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.

in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.

thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.

tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.

miss you and love you. happy kyle week.

-uncle nina

[theloveinc]

Can we know why she went from best friend to fat footed bitch please👀😂

No worries if not, I'm just up late

lol i actually think i called her a fat footed bitch BEFORE we stopped being friends (altho... probs not much before) becauseeeeee... the last year we were friends was rocky for me and her.

BUT, and prepare yourself: it's really LONG and convoluted because TECHNICALLY it was all a misunderstanding (and related to some unaddressed trauma she had), but basically... her and her sister INVITED me and a plus one (who ended up being my friend) to go see a concert with them and carpool to the train station together, where we'd all subway to the venue. This part all goes fine.

BUT, it's on the way home, after we've trained back to her car... when it's like 2 in the morning, that she (ex-best friend) tells us that she's not planning on taking me or my friend home. She's just driving back to her house where she'll leave us to do whatever for our own ride, BECAUSE, she says, "we never asked for her to carpool us back home."

And this is kind of a problem because... since we just assumed she'd give us a ride home, WE HAVE NO BACKUP PLAN, and neither my mom nor my friend's family is picking up the phone, and so essentially, if she doesn't drive us, we're stranded in the middle of the night.

Of course, as my friend argues (even though I know she'd never call one for herself bc she was terrified of men) we could've gotten an uber... but it's both really late at night and, because this was just after highschool and I WAS FRESHLY 18, just an awful idea.

But the thing that makes it even more weird... is like, as we're arguing, her sister (who literally co-owns the car with her) offers to drive instead... and it's only then that she finally agrees to take us home...

Except that, once we're on the road, SHE PURPOSEFULLY misses our exit and just goes to her house anyway??????? (and by this point, i'm crying, not really because i'm upset at the scenario as a whole, though that too, but because i think she's just not acting like a friend AND BEING hypocritical, as well as the girl who i invited is chronically ill and needs to get home for her medication and bathroom and etc. and I just feel so bad)

So we eventually get to her house... where, once arriving, she just fucks off!!!!!!! and leaves us outside!!! And thankfully, her sister (who is actually still my friend, I love her lol) offers to go back and drop us off at home...

But the whole thing just ends up spiraling because... WELL, there's a lot of reasons, lol:

I left a bunch of makeup and a jacket at her house and text her to make sure i can pick it up later... and she yells at me (over text) about always being selfish asking other people to do stuff for me

This starts another fight where I tell her I just want an apology for not driving me home and that i was never expecting her to drop off the makeup LOL

She doesn't apologize and instead texts a mutual friend trying to get her to talk to me too

and i just stop responding to her altogether

And by the time she messages me again, a couple months later (by which we're both in different states having started college), NOT WITH AN APOLOGY, just simply saying she didn't realize the whole thing would take such a toll, I'm still too hurt to talk to her.... and that's basically the end of our friendship.

OH AND THE WHOLE INSTAGRAM REPORTING THING happened bc her sister invited me to christmas dinner soon after that and she immediately uninvited me... and i made another post about her having made me cry, which her new friend sent, as well as all these other screenshots of posts I made, to her.

i also did eventually get her a birthday gift (as an olive branch) when i was finally not angry and hurt.... but she never ended up acknowledging it (which wouldn't have been super weird except... i was literally at her house celebrating with her sister and she never once spoke to me).

-

SO YEAH. You probably weren't expecting so much but... here it is!! took me like 45 minutes to type out and i'm pretty sure it's still not the best description but........... THAT'S HOW I GOT MY HEART BROKEN BY A FAT FOOTED BITCH (she's also a zionist now tho so lmaooo i really dodged a bullet there) !

HOPE THIS WAS A GOOD BEDTIME STORY ILY

[thorinds]

1000 Books You May Have Actually Read

[alleesaur]

[Artfight 2023] [14]

Corrupted One

for @verdant-succubus

[zillychu]

get MOLTED, idiot

[eric-the-disposable-demon]

Uh-

just found out my cousin (who lives in England) is in the art department of a bunch of shows??? And she worked oN DOCTOR WHO? AND HAD LUNCH WITH DAVID TENNANT???? and she just told me so casually because she's interested in the art, not the show? I mean, excuse me? She worked on SHERLOCK???? FOR A WHOLE SEASON?? She worked on Peaky Blinders and Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones??? And probably other things because she has a shitty memory and according to her everything is a blur?? AND AT ONE POINT SHE WAS LIKE: "oh and have you ever heard of Neil Gaiman?" And I was trying not to scream, because yes, of course I've heard of Neil, he's only my favorite author, I've only read like all of his books multiple times, and if you say you worked on Good Omens or the Sandman I'm going to lose it completely. So I said "yeah I've read a couple of his books," -you know, like a liar- "what about him?" and she goes "well I worked on one of his shows and he's brilliant i just can't remember which one" and i go "w-what do you mean he's brilliant? You're.. you're talking about his writing... his writing is brilliant, right?" And she cheerfully says "oh no I don't read books, I ment he was really nice and brilliant when I talked to him" and i go "WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT" and she thinks for a moment and goes "oh! BRICKS" WHAT IN THE WORLD YES NO THAT MAKES SENSE YOU GET TO WORK AND TALK WITH NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN AND YOU TALK ABOUT BRICKS? NO THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL I'M NOT MAD ".... it was what I was designing at the time, I needed to know what vibe the bricks should have. Anyway want to see the spinning fireplace I made for doctor who" WHAT THE FUCK.

@neil-gaiman do you remember any brick conversations by any chance

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo learns something about himself 🏳️‍⚧️

Based roughly on this old post.

Bonus:

[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]

[hinamie]

corvidae

[stars-and-clouds]

Astarion Romance Headcanons 🥀

SFW:

Side glances when you're besides him

Full on staring when you're not

Immediately looking away when you catch him

"You know the way he looks at you, don't you, soldier?"

His pinky itching towards yours when you're walking, wanting to hold your hand but unsure because, is it too much? Will you reject him?

His hands scrunching up your shirt tightly whenever you hug. He's always the last to let go.

You hold on longer and longer each time because he doesn't want to let go.

His kisses are tender and needy.

He likes the warmth of your hands.

Thinking of what tones will suit your perfume the best. He'll gift it to you after all this is over.

He'll sew the holes or tears in your clothes over the night and pretend he doesn't know what happened next morning.

When you move to kiss his cheek he will grimace in annoyance but lean in as you do it.

"Be careful around Astarion, (Tav). He's not serious about you.", the others will warn you. And Astarion will worry you'll heed their words more than his so he'll do so much to prove his love to you, not knowing that you already trust him (even if that is an objectively stupid thing to do lmao).

He started sleeping next to you from the moment you had sex but ever since you've entered the shadowlands, he ends up cuddling in the middle of the night. He misses the sun.

He likes kissing the palm of your hand or its back.

Likes to pack your bag before you leave camp.

"No one's ever going to love me like that again."

Ever since you told him that there's more to him than just beauty and sex, that he's hilarious, for instance, he finds ways to make you laugh. He loves it. He's started being a lot more sarcastic and makes more jokes just to hear your laughter. He'll never admit it, of course. Other than maybe when it's only you two.

Doesn't believe he will be able to love again if you let go of him.

"Don't be so nice to me." he says with round, needy and pleading eyes.

Thinking of ways he can show others you're together so others know you're not available.

Hiding his jealousy, terribly.

He will rip the throat out of anyone with malicious intent towards you.

"I will wait the whole of my life for you, Astarion." He doesn't believe it at first, but the longer you go on without sex the safer he feels and the more he wants you.

NSFW:

He sometimes cries silently at night, wishing he could make love to you without it feeling so tainted. He wants it so badly, but his past experience prohibits it. The pain of wanting something and being unable to have it only because of himself is too much. He blames himself too sometimes. Wishing he could give you more.

"I don't mind waiting.", you'd say.

"I do. I can't have you, no matter how much I want you.", he'd say.

When you cuddle him sensing he's upset, he will bury his face in your neck to hide his tears. The smell of you is comforting.

Needing you everytime you're tender with him.

Getting aroused when you hug during a kiss.

Wanting to kiss your skin all over, to make you cry from pleasure as you bury your face in his neck.

Wanting you to hold on to him for dear life as you climax.

When he's finally comfortable enough and takes charge of his own sexuality, he'll be so needy.

Realising that the two nights he had sex with you were nothing compared to how good making love to you feels.

When you give up all control to him, letting him do to you as he wants, the pleasure is almost too much bear. The power he feels is palpable and knowing it is you who trusts him so much will drive him near mad.

He will lose control many times so you have a safe word.

You both think of the stupidest word possible as a safe word. Something that makes you both laugh when it's used.

He likes over stimulating you, making you beg and he'll kiss you to calm you.

"It's okay, you can do it, darling.", he'll say stroking you even further and kissing your tears.

"Does that feel good, my love?"

The more you beg the more he loves it.

He likes playing with your hands, holding them in his, touching your fingers, comparing them to his while you rest on his chest, still warm from him being inside of you.

Resting his head against your chest to hear your heartbeat.

Staring at your face and body intently. Taking in every little reaction you make and replaying them over in his head throughout the day.

Staring at you longingly when you're both with the squad, failing terribly at focusing in battle or conversation.

Getting aroused when you're covered in blood.

Seeing you fighting, in general, turns him on. The smell of your sweat, your rapid heart beat, the way your body moves, all of it now only reminds him of making love to you.

Telling you to say his name whenever he's feeling good and you'll chant it as you cum. He loves how it sounds from your lips.

Resting his forehead against yours as he's close to cumming.

"Look at me.", he'll command you.

He likes when your hands rake his hair, pull his hair, tug it whatever. That slight bit of pain arouses him. Better yet, if you bury your nails into his skin.

He likes to look at you falling asleep. It's such a gentle thing. How can someone so strong otherwise be so soft around him? Why him? Why did someone like you choose someone like him? He can't believe he has you.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50833876/chapters/128419966 I am updating these hcs on my ao3, if anyone is interested!

[lobotomye]

tangled wires ..

[pastabaguette]

bits and pieces of animation that i’ve done for practice. i figure better to put them up somewhere than let them collect dust.

[plumadot]

they're married your honour

[alleesaur]

many fish in the sea

[mothwingwritings]

I know a lot of people like to hone in on Sylus' more dominant and teasing side, and while I do love those aspects of him what I really really love is the softer side of Sylus that he only shows to you. ♡

The Sylus that avidly listens to everything you say, drinking you in with with a dopey little grin on his face as you fill him in on everything and anything happening in your life. The Sylus that lets you decorate his chic and mature office with all the plushies you have won together from the claw machine, looking at them fondly as if they were great treasures you have scored. The Sylus that will gladly wear stupid matching kigurumi's with you in public and have fun doing it, reputation be damned. The Sylus who absentmindedly plays with your hair while you are sitting together on the couch watching a movie, sighing in contentment as his long fingers massage your scalp. The Sylus who has memorized all your favorite foods and works hard to come up with new recipes to delight you based of what he already knows you love. The Sylus who's hugs completely engulf you, squeezing and holding you like a lifeline, almost as if he's afraid to let go. The Sylus who stays glued to your side until you fall asleep each night, even though you know his day has hardly begun and he has more important things to be attending to-you always take precedence. The Sylus that wants nothing more than to see you happy and thriving, and will do whatever it takes to make that a reality.

He truly makes me weak. (╥﹏╥)