#also no migraine today! i keep winning today

[guinevereslancelot]

i gotta pocket-full-of, pocket-full-of, pocket-full-of-

POCKET SAND

[sureuncertainty]

okay guess we won't be going in to work tomorrow either, since we've been fighting off a panic attack all evening and cannot breathe

[ataraxiaspainting]

Yan chrollo + “Chrollo, where have all my romance books gone?”

Warnings: Yandere themes, kidnapping, manipulation, alcohol, not SFW implications, and drugging.

Word Count: 550.

*~*~*~*

All of your things are gone, not just those books. No, that would be too easy for someone like him, and too lax of a punishment for someone like you.

Is it a punishment, though? Or is he just playing with you? You hope for the latter, unsurprisingly.

You can’t wait to be able to stand up again, you haven’t eaten or drank much ever since feeling a bit lightheaded a few minutes ago, the moment that Chrollo asked how good today’s dinner was.

Bastard.

“I simply wanted to entertain both of us with a game.” A claim much too innocent for someone like him, but also something far too simple. “A game. That is all, nothing more and nothing less. If you win, I’ll give them back.”

Is this a lie or a half-truth or something else entirely?

“You’re stranger and creepier than me looking outside and seeing the tentacles of a giant squid coming out of the hotel across the street.” Hmm, a raised eyebrow as a response instead of words. “Forget it, I’ll find something else to do.”

A bluff, really, because you can’t really stand up, and because you don’t know what became of all your other things like your shoes, your diary, your three succulents… everything is just gone, and you know why.

“When have I ever gone so low, darling?” Sarcasm, you think, from the way he crosses his arms so nonchalantly and puts the pack of mint gum back by the bouquet of roses, which he will have to replace soon at the speed at which they are wilting.

“Last month.” As above, so below. “You were making breakfast. I don’t remember anything other than waking up in the late afternoon of that day with a painful migraine. You did something, but you refused to tell me what.”

Everything was hazy then and still is now. How much did he put in your drink this time? Or did he put something in your food? Will he ever tell you what it is or was?

“I promise I only have the best intentions for our relationship.” A relationship is quite the strong word, you want to say. “You. Me. Drinking, watching a movie of your choosing perhaps, and having a few laughs. We’ll relax.” A full truth? “We will show each other what no one else has seen. No one else.”

You scoff. “I appreciate the sentiment, but unfortunately a certain black-haired fellow has caused me to feel ill.” Technically, you’re not lying. “Physically and emotionally and everything else in all other aspects. …But what happens if I lose? If I can't stand up?” A question you are forced to ask. Temptation and coercion go hand in hand, after all.

Like the light of an angler fish, Chrollo’s eyes swing back and forth, and you have to look closer to notice anything wrong. 

“I’ll keep you.” He murmurs, the implications and stakes too high for you to not notice, but the matter of pride and the punishment for running away with your tail tucked between your legs are things you are all too familiar with.

“Deal,” It’s the only word you said this entire conversation that isn’t slurred, you note. He simply shakes your trembling hand, and you take the cup, doomed to soon fail as Chrollo intended.

[toska-writes]

“Sleeping/Cuddling Clone Headcannons p.2”

Read p.1 here (✩)

Clones x GN padawan reader ( You could technically read it either way but in my head it’s all Platonic)

Bad batch and Delta squad version!

Wish me luck I have to get up early tomorrow- too bad I don’t have a clone to snuggle

(I could make another with the Corrie guard or another group)

Hunter

• Dad mode has already engaged once you asked him if you could bunk with him

• It’s a very quick yes and most of the other Bad Batch members go to him to bunk with whenever they need

• Big spoon all day and just wants you to be as close as possible to him- your heart beat takes up most of his senses so he can fall asleep

•He is your own blanket and will make sure you get enough sleep

• Will sleep so your against the wall and his back is facing out OR your both have your backs facing the wall just in case he needs to watch something by the door

• Will do that especially when your scared

Crosshair

• He’s a small spoon- so he can also spoon his precious riffle

• the first time you even tried to get into the same bunk as him he pushed you out

• I feel like the first time you properly slept pressed up next to him was in some cave when you all got separated on a mission and had to wait the night out together

• He would mumble and grumble but deep down he would jump any time you moved, wanting you to stay asleep

•Bone crushing grip- your not getting up unless he’s awake. He’d be the type to ground you

Tech

• His datapad crashes into his face every few seconds

• But he would pull up different holo-videos and such to help the both of you fall asleep

•He sleeps on his side facing the wall??? Idk I get that vibe from him. Has no concerns with the boogeyman apparently

• More often then not you have to take his googles off for him so they won’t break

• if you can get him to sleep in an actual bunk it’s a miracle and not in the pilots seat or slumped on a desk

Wrecker

• Ecstatic when you bring up the idea

• Is more than happy to make room for you on his bunk and even give you lula to snuggle with as well

• He’s so warm and inviting your asleep instantly

• My man also snores like a engine starting up but will get all flustered and worried if you bring it up

• If your scared or anything during the night he is more than happy to stay up on watch if it eases your mind- he also verbally comforts you

Boss

• 100% would allow you to bunk with him if you asked no matter what

• If he can keep an eye on one of the migraines in the night it’s a win for him

• in reality he’s a huge pillow- completely comforting without all his armor on

• The fact that you would feel so safe in his arms I can’t even describe well enough in words to do it justice

• also I feel like this man would have so many blankets on his bed you’d both be piled under them

Sev

• Straight up no in the first place

• The first time you got him it was late already and he was going back to his bunk- you were already there with many blankets and stuff

• He tells you to get out at first but honestly your both way to tired (and stubborn) to listen

• With a sigh he’ll practically pushes you to your own side

• will stay as far away as possible until at one point in the middle of the night he will turn over and roll his eyes and then pull you flush against him- denies it in the morning

Fixer

• Talks to fall asleep- he’ll tell you all about what interesting things he has read today and would love to share the details

• He deserves more love and I think for cuddling it would be the hug sort of thing

•Face to Face completely wrapped up in each other- nothing else would even matter in these moments

• You’ll have to know Fixer for a while before bunking with him, but once you earn his trust and the group accepts you it’s so much easier

• Drools a lot but man needs a good sleep like that

Scorch

• Loud and very full of energy at almost every hour of the day

• if you get this man to lay down cause he needs the sleep he would be all over you with cuddles

• watching the stars or the rain fall outside really helps him to sleep and like Fives I think he takes up a lot of room in his bunk

• He just needs love- head and shoulder scratches gets him to sleep very quickly, and don’t think he wouldn’t do it for you to

• something about the motion and feeling over and over again just lulls him into a slumber

_____________________________________

Taglist; @arctrooper69 @thereforepizza @padawancat97 @pb-jellybeans @floffytofu @lightwise @carodealmeida

[iheartzegras]

Hey! Can you do something where Trevor Z is keeping you up all night and your tired and just snap at him?

exhausted - trevor zegras

hi anon! thanks for your request!

i have a lot of requests in my inbox right now, so it might take a little while to get them all done :(

also, sorry for not posting the last two days, i had a bad migraine!

——————————————————————————

your day at work had been exhausting. even though you worked with the ducks as a trainer and saw familiar faces often, you still had a draining day. you had so many files to fill after past injuries and updates that you had rushed to get done to avoid working overtime. you just wanted to get home and rest.

your keys jingling in your apartment door relieved you, as you knew you finally were able to rest. as you walked in, you were greeted with silence. you remembered that trevor went out with the other team members to celebrate their win that occurred the same evening.

you set your keys on the counter and took your shoes off. the california weather was warm enough that you were wearing shorts and a plain shirt, which was comfy enough already, so you didn’t need to change. walking to the couch, you grabbed your favourite blanket and the tv remote. turning on netflix and watching whatever came on your feed, you planned on napping.

just as you were about to doze off, you heard loud voices which seemed to be trevor saying goodbye to his team. you sighed, knowing your nap was about to be taken away.

trevor normally had a lot of stories to tell after games. whether it be fights that occurred, amazing goals scored, memorable moves that were made, or anything that caught his eye in general. usually, you would love this. you loved how he always had stories to tell and that he never failed to make you smile with them. today, though, you were simply too tired to listen. you were too exhausted to function. you needed a break.

trying and hoping to fall back asleep, you felt a big dent in the couch appear. before you knew it, trevor was already excitedly rambling about the events in the game prior to this.

you really did not want to get frustrated or upset with him. you tried to acknowledge what he was saying, but the speed of his words and his movements, it was almost impossible.

“trev, honey, can you please stop for just a minute? im just too tired” “oh. yeah, sure”

later on, you still hadn’t napped yet, so you decided to go to bed. trevor came along with you, because it was starting to get late and he had morning skate. while getting ready to go to sleep, trevor constantly was singing and playing music. daily when you two would get ready for bed, you would sing along to songs, but today was not the case.

in bed, trevor would not stop moving. his legs kept wiggling against yours and his head was continuously moving around in the crook of your neck. he was so restless today, which did not work out in your favour. then, he started mumbling which just pushed you over the edge. you didn’t want to say something, but you had to.

“trevor! stop moving and humming. i’ve had a headache all day and you’ve only added to it! can you not stop just for today?” you yelled at him. “y-yeah. i’ll just go sleep on the couch. i’ll leave you alone.”

you knew you really had messed up when he left and brought his pillows with him. you didn’t know what to do. you knew the right thing to do was to bring him back here and apologize, but you really did need this sleep.

after an hour of tossing and turning, you needed trevor. you barely hesitated to get up and start softly walking out of your bedroom and to the living room.

seeing him on the couch, fast asleep, made guilt consume you. you yelled at him too much. he wasn’t doing anything that deserved that.

you softly brushed the locks that covered his face behind his ear. you gave him a kiss on his forehead and gently started to shake his shoulder. as his eyes fluttered open, he just looked at you. sadness evident in his eyes. “i’m so sorry, my love. i didn’t mean to lecture you like that. i’ve had a very hard day, and have barely had any sleep or rest all day. you didn’t do anything wrong. please come back to bed, i don’t like seeing you alone on this couch.” you apologized to him. he seemed to accept your request by silently following you. sleep was still coating trevor’s features as he got back into bed.

you felt the need to apologize again so you whispered to him “trevor, i truly am so so sorry, and i love you so much. now, how about you tell me about those hockey stories again?” after you said those last words his face lit up and he smiled.

after he started talking about the stories again, you hugged onto the side of his neck and chest as you continued to listen. those tales seemed to calm you, because sooner or later, you were right asleep next to trevor.

the two of you rarely snapped at each other. when you did, you both made sure that you always resolved it quickly and figured out the issue. you both helped each other deal with things. he cured your exhaustion most of the time.

——————————————————————————

this was kind of repetitive, but i hope you all still enjoyed!

feel free to talk to me in my ask box!!

[enkisstories]

Supreme Council Vs. New Republic, 36 ABY

Tierny apparently learned some poses from Hux.

Amanda learned that migraine is a bummer.

And Poe definitely had the best crowd appeal, too bad the negotiations were non-public.

I've seen a lot of underdog wins in Debate-, lightsaber and magic duels in this game, only today the results lined up with probability: Amanda demolished the other two in every round.

For reference, here are the council's revised positions and the New Republic's again. The Republic won them all.

Soooo, the good news:

All occupied worlds are free again. Gavin's parents can travel again and come to Batuu.

There were a few worlds that joined the FO voluntarily, but they are few, so the organisation now consists of the capital ships and a few safe ports.

All child soldiers get returned home.

The worst offenders stay locked up.

The bad news:

Some of the freed worlds would have preferred independance instead of returning to the Republic.

If you are already 14, you're out of luck. Also I can see a lot of birth certificate doctoring coming up (this one? oh, no, he's totally already of age, we keep him!) and many kids might have trouble readjusting. Some might not even be wanted back or welcomed as extra workers only, so, lots of heartbreak. My sims should consider adopting/fostering a couple of the difficult cases.

Every unaligned force sensitive (basically everyone except Connor and Rey) is now criminalized. As The Acolyte showed, does the New Republic enforce the no non-Jedi force trainig also outside their boundaries.

Palpatine will have a field day when he returns. The New Republic will be unprepared, worlds under First Order or Resistance influence will have a better chance. (And therefore he'll hit the Republic first, causing them to blame the other two.)

My sims are still more or less locked to Batuu due to the bounties. (Although gameplay-wise that's good, given how sims travel works. I'd be hard pressed to explain why sims living at different ends of the galaxy all gather in a lounge on Batuu's moons every weekend.)

[studiousandrogynousfox-blog]

about half way into the small research project

it's been intense but also really interesting so far. but i'm already dreading the writing portion a bit because despite my best intentions i haven't gotten around to doing any writing and hardly any reading yet. all my focus has been on trying to get the experimental set-ups ready.

the professor recommended setting goals at the start of the week and reflecting on what you've achieved at the end of the week to keep on track. and i've tried it for about one and a half weeks lol. my goal setting is so not based on reality that the exercise is pointless. and i have tried for years to make more realistic schedules both at work and at uni using all sorts of methods, but i think that is one area where i just have to concede and let the adhd win.

i had also planned on getting some revision done for the exam i'll have to reset in the summer but i'm really struggling with a tension headache that's bordering on a migraine today and i've head a small breakdown... so i think the more reasonable thing is to take today and tomorrow off and see if i can get some revision done on sunday and monday.

[dracoryss]

Venting so ignore ig

I hate being treated like a hysterical woman no matter what I do. I am totally aware that today morning I did let anxiety win at many moments and got snappy and tearful stupidly fast, and probably yelled and got mean. But even now, several hours later, being totally collected, calm, and just really trying to have my shit together and not let anxiety win until tomorrow, and explaining rationally my concerns, my dad asked if I took my 'night pill ' (migraine med, and yes) because he thinks is an anxiety med??, he followed asking if weed would make me feel less anxious because it's apparent I need to calm down.p

And also I have totally legitimate reasons based on my own past experience to feel this anxious and not some word case scenario I'm making up in my mind; I think Gorda needs to be seen again by the vet because I'm noticing a limp and wanna discard a fracture or any major problems, and my dad thinks I'm exaggerating because she seems fine and moves a bit, and if the vet says she's ok, the vet must know better, etc etc but BRUH when Baby fractured her femur 5 years ago, she was around with a broken femur a couple of days before she got surgery and she did all her normal stuff, including walking and jumping and at the first x ray, some vet (not her usual) told me baby was totally ok w no broken bones and thank got her usual vet followed her instinct and asked for a second xray, so in this experience, I could totally see Gorda having an issue and not being noticeable right away but I'm just a anxious crazy woman what do I know

Also it drives me nuts and makes me feel such a junkie that my dad keeps casually asking for my meds as if I were taking 50 of them as opposed to 1 daily adhd pill and 1 Migraine pill, with prompts like ' don't u take something at night to sleep' 'dont you have something for this *generic pointing any distress*' 'doesnt your pills help you with -totally unrelated issue-' why is it so hard to pay attention )):

[chaoticgood-munson]

🎵💿 discography tag 💿🎵

Rules: pick an artist or a band and share your favorite song from each of their albums, then tag some mutuals!

thank you for the tag @princess-josephina!

No pressure tag: @mybffjoe @ghostinthebackofyourhead @icallhimjoey @pinkrelish @word-wytch @choke-me-joey

Artist: Twenty One Pilots

This band has been there for me in a lot of ways

Album: Self Titled - Taxi Cab

This album is heavy with religious theme due to Tyler (the singer and song writer of the band) struggling with his faith in his life when he was younger. I'm not a very religious person and don't interpret this song that way for myself. It makes me think about going off on your own for the first time and dealing with the crippling anxiety of it all.

Album: Regional at Best - Kitchen Sink

When I first heard this song it made me quite emotional because I felt seen. The lyrics that really get me are "nobody thinks what I think" because, growing up, it was incredibly frustrating to me when my family would force words into my mouth as if they understood what I was thinking. Especially when I later opened up to them about my depression. It later felt like they would try to relate and make it about themselves rather than helping me. But then the final lines "Leave me alone, don't leave me alone" is what does me in because I started to push them away and not ask for help but, fuck, I didn't want to be alone in what I was going through.

Album: Vessel - Migraine

I started not to feel so alone when I first heard this album. If you haven't listened to it, please do. I have seen this band live 6 times now and every time they play this song, Tyler yells to the crowd "Is anybody out there?!" but that's besides the point of why it's my favorite. My favorite line from the song is "But I know we've made it this far, kid." and that gives me the motivation to keep going. I've made it through 26 years of life, why not live through more?

Album: Blurryface - Not Today

This song is about confronting your demons, your insecurities, your depression. When that monster tells you, "Not today", you push that aside and prove them wrong. This entire album is about taking that demon face on, fighting them, and winning.

Album: Trench - The Hype

I love this song a lot. It's hopeful. It makes me think of the people I hold so near and dear to my heart, especially with the lyrics "Nice to know my kind will be on my side, I don't believe the hype" but it's spoken from a younger version of yourself. And so it makes me think of the friends I lost but also about the journey I've been stumbling through to get to the point I am at. "No I don't know which way I'm going, but I can hear my way around."

Album: Scaled And Icy - Mulberry Street

I've talked about this song before in a previous post a while ago, but I will talk about it here. This album means everything to me. Along with the band, this album had essentially saved my life. But this song is all about acceptance in your struggles and not letting them weigh you down. I love a lot of lines in this song, but the one I love the most is "Keep your pills, save your breath, and don't ever forget"

I know this was a lot. For those that end up doing this, please don't feel like you have to put in the effort as I did. Music just means a lot to me and I love telling people about the things that make me happy

[rebelbyrdie]

Long Rant Incoming: Not for Sympathy or Attention.

So I'm at the Rehab Hospital now. It is great. Everything is set up to help you feel normal again with varying degrees of help/accommodations. I do 3 hours of physical therapy a day to help me get stronger and ready to walk again and go home.

Everyone says I'm a hard worker and doing a great job

(They probably say that to everyone)

I was also weaning myself off of pain meds and switching to spending most of my day in a wheel chair instead if the bed. Things were going great.

Until today. I woke up with a migraine so bad I was ill. This drained my energy and scared me shitless because I thought the infection might be back. I'm stuck in bed again and missed all my therapy. I feel like a failure.

My wife says it was my body saying I needed a rest day. I feel like I am just weak and useless.

So big physical and mental setback.

We are still desperately chasing doctors around to fill out paperwork for my job. I am terrified that they will keep dragging their feet and I will lose my job.

It feels like I am in an uphill battle on all fronts. I have a great support system, my amazing wife and dedicated mother, and I'm at an award winning hospital. Still, though, it feels like there is so much and everything is so hard.

I was planning to start working on my story today because I now have my laptop. My hand is doing well enough to type now and I have time so why not. So of course I get sick. Of course!

This healing journey sucks.

[stardustinmyhands]

6/26/24

I saw a pain dr yesterday. The office was super fancy. I felt a little awkward, but the provider was very nice and did a good exam.

Yesterday I had a killer migraine toward the end of the day. Yay for migraine medication.

I also didn’t vomit yesterday, which is a win.

I’m still waiting on the pharmacy to fill my nausea syrup. I should call ask wtf? (Just called it didn’t come in the shipment yesterday, they said the soonest it would be there is Friday if it shows up. 🙁)

My gf made some peanut butter oatmeal cookie dough, so I baked some today. They are yummy. I forgot to press down the first batch.

I woke up with sore elbows, which maybe cause the dr manipulated them yesterday. Tramadol is taking care of it.

Sunday was hydration day, so my stores was having a sale of all water bottles $24.99 and less for $6. I got a new one for less than $5 cause I got an employee discount. I’m drinking more water cause of it. I’ve also discovered my pouch doesn’t like plain water, but I found Gatorade packets that are sugar free and my pouch loves them. I do live in Az so I need to stay hydrated.

My gf ordered me vomit bags off of amazon. I’m glad for those actually I can keep them in my purse too.

I have to admit the new powder I’m taking and the Reglan are helping, I can handle more stuff. I wish I could take the reglan with every meal instead of twice a day. I don’t see the GI doctor till October now. They scheduled it for me, which is fine with me.

I have to admit I sometimes wonder if IVIG infusion weekly instead of every two weeks would help me. If I did it weekly I would probably start doing it at home. I mean I already have Tony (that’s my port).

I was thinking today if my stomach stuff gets worse will I need iv feeding through my port? I know some of my conditions will get worse, like my RA and my autoimmune disease. But will I figure out how to deal with and treat my nausea and vomiting. I maybe cause I’ve had two stomach surgeries. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to just get my fluids via Tony. Then I won’t have to worry about if it will make me sick. I consider it a win if I don’t vomit that day. And it may happen today.

My behavioral clinic called me today. Saying I have to get labs done. I live over an hr away. I don’t wanna go there just for blood draws. They filled all my meds.

I have 8 meds at the pharmacy waiting to be picked up. I will get them tomorrow, when I go shopping.

I think I will vomit today, but stomach is hurting and I’m making a lot of saliva. Vomit bucket ready. Do I take another Zofran and risk getting more nauseous. (I’m taking one the sick feeling is starting to subside, but hopefully this don’t make me more sick. It some times does).

I just took some more tramadol. I’m starting to feel pain.

I’m also a little upset cause I want my nausea syrup.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

It's here. The moment. Fuck.

This stupid quote and this stupid sad guy whose stupid name looks like stupid frodo has been seen by my stupid eyes over and over and over.

And I have thought with full ego, "It's okay. This time I'm ready. This time I will finally get justice. This time I will research everything and know all the laws and eventually organize all my evidence. This time will be the time everything comes together. This time I will win the war on my own justice because I am prepared and strong and I got this."

And I waited. I took the hits. I learned how to feel things. I recalibrated. I was clever. I was perfect. I never let myself fucking relax because I was ready. I had the outcome in mind. This was it and he was dumb enough to play wrong. I got this.

And today I have to accept that I don't.

And worst still? It doesn't fucking matter,

I can still use all this learning and work and wisdom and even the documentation for something. It's beautiful and I don't regret learning to making any of it. I can learn the lesson, cut my losses, and just move on. I'm not fighting for the end of my world by going to war and dragging this out.

I betrayed and abandoned myself for nothing.

Choosing to drag this out in the court system and waste money and go through all the hoops right after this last election?

It would be for nothing.

I have the ability to make his life miserable for the rest of his. I don't need to pay thousands to do that if I want to. I can tell my story wherever I want and I don't have to have it judged by people in the way the judicial system would process it. I have the freedom to get whatever satisfaction I need to move on. I don't have the money or time or energy to prove it to an entire system.

I don't need to devote myself to teaching him a lesson. I can just get rid of him and make sure my son is taken care of. That's all that matters to me anyways. I don't regret raising him better than anyone else could or putting my trust in someone who decided to abuse it.

But it hurts. It feels like losing a friend. My evil ego friend who was going to make everything okay and everybody pay.

I don't have to kill her but I do have to rename her. I think I'm also sad that I learned quickly that my voluntary isolation did make me overestimate my abilities of influence with people that have more braincells than a goldfish unlike my ex.

Arrogance doesn't make intelligence and I'm smart enough to know my platform is a rotting soapbox and not a stage where I can razzle dazzle them.

If this was a karaoke battle I'd whip their asses, though.

I have to build yet another grave for this ego death. At this point I have a little cemetery I've had to build in my mind to keep track of them.

I am so disappointed. I'm kind of relieved. I mostly feel stupid. I felt the bee color spectrum of human emotions today and didn't end up with an autistic meltdown. Or a migraine. That, my friends, is something.

Fuck. Unlocked a new mystery path, I guess.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”

Today must have been gollum biting my finger off before I throw him into the volcano. Or annikan screaming his hatred as he burns with his legs cut off.

Fuck you, Dostoevsky. You got me. Finally.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”

[belioness]

care, keeley takes care of rebecca when she's sick.

rebecca does her best to avoid it. she sifts through all of the healthy living options, everything good for you she possibly can ( within reason— she’s careful around product labels ) to keep herself going. but she's only human.

she doesn’t find any particular fulfilment in the days where she’s stuck with herself, and has learned from a young age to force herself through a migraine or the ache in the back of her throat, if it meant she were out of the house. she doesn't have to be haunted by anything when she's away, she doesn't have to worry about her father sitting at the dinner table with a secret she should never have to carry.

but this isn't her home in the early nineties, and while she isn't a teenager anymore, she also hasn't family secrets or the assortment of comments to shield herself from either. rupert’s shadow moved beyond the house when she finally did away with the last of their bedroom furniture, and some things at home feel lighter.

so she listens as intently as she can, beneath an ever-growing headache, when she watches keeley take in the sight of her. she’d simmered down conversation around the time— still humorous, rebecca supposes, to salvage her friend's pride— and rebecca doesn’t really think of it until keeley’s palm sticks to her skin, all that bubbliness shifted into a loving reprimand. about how if were they in opposite positions, rebecca would have brought her home in a heartbeat.

it isn’t enough to convince her, even when rebecca frowns over the betrayal of heat from her forehead, so she agrees to go home, when she’s persuaded after the insistence of i’m fine and reminded she has a body with limits. that she’s allowed to fall apart for a while, keeley wouldn’t deny her that.

her head is fixed against keeley’s thigh, laptop abandoned when the ache grows heavier. its a stalemate they’ve come to, when rebecca insisted she wasn’t ready to settle under any covers ( not until i’ve finished what i can do from home ), that she had to win at least one battle today for her own sake.

she feels difficult. she doesn't want to be, god forbid she do the impossible and test keeley's patience, but she's ever the saint, and rebecca can only muster the feeling of being sixteen again— stubborn and fiery, and completely resilient towards anything that would be good for her.

“ thank you. ” breaks the silence, a croak so unlike her typical valour, and she’s only relieved the makeshift spot paired with painkillers from earlier is coaxing the ache into finally settling. her armour is off, sitting in a neat pile near keeley and replaced by her nightie, when rebecca is left sitting face to face with the distinct realisation she hasn’t had earnest care in decades. “ for this morning, i mean. i didn’t think it would get worse. ”

@keeleypr ── answered.

[mysticdreamcafe]

Still tired

Yesterday wasn't real eventful, none of my days really are. I wrote a letter, conversed with my mother, and went over my books outline while my daughter was at work.

The plan was to run to a store we'd went to the day before and return a tea cup and saucer I had purchased. I think I've mentioned before that I like old fashioned things...to a point. So when I limited my coffee intake and replaced it with tea I found my tea pot and kept an eye open for a cup and saucer that would match it. I bought the pot approx. 30 yrs ago and it didn't come with cups. Mug for coffee and tea cup with saucer for tea.

While I'm waiting for my daughter to finish her work as a big bunny for a children's Easter party thrown by the area library I made sure to do what was needed to keep my migraine to a minimum while the dogs, one in particular, talked to me constantly.

I made a concession about getting a dog, or two, after our three Shelties passed. They were siblings so 1 passed at 10yrs old and the other 2 at age 12. I liked their size but my daughter wanted a Husky. In case you don't know anything about Husky's they can be noisy dogs. They talk (different than a bark), scream similar to a Shiba Inu, and lead any drama class with full marks. Plus they shed like a busy hair salon.

After some research I said ok to a Pomsky. Half Pomeranian and half Husky that are classified as a designer dog. I didn't find the 'designer' part till after we obtained the first one. I'll try and post a pic of each later, I'm really tired today, but one is black and white like what a typical Husky would look like and called Yasha. Yasha means deamon in Japanese and his markings live up to the name in looks. Other is blonde with light blue eyes and called Natsu. Summer in Japanese because his eyes are the color of a summer sky.

Yasha looks physically more pom and is snarky and loves to talk and stomp is paws. He huffs while whipping his head around in disgust or throws a hissy fit when he doesn't get his way. He could win an Oscar for drama. We brought him home at 14 wks. old and he was basically feral. He likes us and will be snuggled and coddled but not outsiders. They are the "don't touch me" people. Bigger dogs are ok but if they try to pick a fight he goes straight for the throat. Same with ground hogs.

Natsu is more like a Husky physically and came from a good home at 14wks old, too. He loves people, kids he's standoffish but they move fast at him so...if they stand still he'll love them. This one howls at sirens and screams when he thinks it's time to go. Dog park? Scream to leave house then again to leave park when he or his brother are tired.

Both breeds are energetic so combined they still have energy and smarts in abundance. So they go for walks and to the dog park periodically. They also have a very large yard to run and play in. Trust me, they want for nothing. However, if they don't get to go someplace outside this property they get difficult. More difficult than normal.

After the stop at the shop I thought we'd take them for a walk along the river. It was in the 20's, we're having a second winter here in Michigan, and very windy but they went with my daughter for a total of about a mile. Yasha is 20lbs and has short legs and tires the fastest. Natsu is almost 30lbs but doesn't fight stopping when his brother is tired.

I personally only went 1/4 mile and then back. I go slow and just watched them speed walk along with boardwalk. I thought of pushing it and joining them but decided the after affects aren't worth it. So, instead of being a blob on the couch today because I hurt to much to move I have written 2 letters, meditated, straightened house a bit, prepped supper, and started cleaning my room while the pups napped on my bed.

That is huge for me considering I'm running a fever again and exhausted.

[perpetuallydaydreaming]

play stupid games, win stupid prizes

sirius thinks he’s hot shit, that is until you play his game.

warnings: no warnings, maybe a few curse words? sirius being dumb

tags: fluff, 4.2k wc, established relationship, emotionally constipated sirius, accidentally made an oc charlie wilson (also appeared in my james potter fic here)

“sirius, what the hell?” you near shouted as you got close to the group of boys. one in particular looking way too chipper for your liking. 

roughly tapping your boyfriend’s shoulder, as he continues to ignore you. “sirius, i’m talking to you.” 

slowly, he looked up at you from his seat. irritation flaring under your skin, as he all but smile calmly at you - looking like he’d done no wrong. you felt a blooming shame from making a scene in the great hall but the flare makes it easy to ignore. 

“where were you? i was waiting for you all afternoon.”

he looked at you, cooly, before shrugging, “oh i forgot, sorry about that.” though he looked anything but sorry. frankly, he looked rather satisfied with himself.  

you felt a gnawing migraine slowly come to you. you’ve noticed conversations like these are becoming way too frequent with your boyfriend, as of late. as pathetic as it sounds, it wasn’t the first time he’d stood you up either. 

you scoff, “you had begged me to come all morning and then you were no where to be found and you just forgot? what the fuck.”

sirius rolled his eyes, and you felt your eye twitch in anger, “i just forgot this one thing, it’s already over and done with. merlin, what else do you want from me?” he clicked his tongue and turned away from you to grab more food to fill his plate. seemingly done with the conversation. but you stayed standing behind him, boiling in anger.

the hall started to stir in murmurs, yet you couldn’t find it in you to care. 

“what i want is a little respect from you - as your girlfriend.” you spat out, hands clenched to your sides.

sirius turned to look to look at you sideways, before he says his voice in a staged whisper, “i’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. how about we keep this relationship - open?” he says, “i want to have options, and i don’t want to get stuck—“

 “stuck?”

 “—into a relationship that’s too serious, too early. you get it, don’t you sweetheart?” his tone dripping in honey. 

but it all felt like saccharine venom filling your lungs as the blood drain in your face and hands, hearing a couple of people at your back giggle and whisper at the spectacle before them. you felt a sliver of humiliation—one you’ve never thought you’d feel with sirius. you looked at the man in front of you, looking way too proud of himself, and felt a sudden distaste settle in your mouth. willing your eyes to stay clear. your hand losing its strength to clench, now lay limp at your side. breathing in deep, and sighing.

 “sure,” you said lamely. 

you can see sirius’s smile falter a little bit before widening again, and winking at you. “i knew you’d get it.”

without another word, you turned and walked briskly out of the hall. feeling the gazes of hundred students following you walk out. you hadn’t eaten anything at all today, but sleeping hungry, sounds more appetizing than having to sit through the humiliation sirius had happily put you through. 

at the groan of the great hall closing shut, remus wasted no time as he leaned in and whispered harshly. “should you really be acting like this towards your girlfriend?”

sirius looked taken aback first, before looking at his friend with an easy smile plastered on his face. 

“oh moony,” sirius breathed out a haughty laughter, grabbing remus’ shoulder and smiled as if pitying, “this is why i’m the one with a girlfriend, yeah? trust me, i know what i’m doing.”

remus rolled his eyes, already done listening to this nonsense as he pried his hand off of his shoulder with a shrug.

“and what is it that you’re doing exactly?” james asked, hands clasped in front of him, his dinner promptly forgotten.

“you know,” sirius gestures vaguely, “giving them a little taste of good ol’ padfoot and then depriving them of it.”

james frowned, “again, what is it that you’re doing exactly?”

peter looked at him apprehensively, “did you just refer to yourself in third person?”

sirius ignores peter’s quip and continues, “it’s the push and pull trick,”

remus frowned, “and i’m assuming this trick has something to do with being an asshole to your significant other?”

sirius scoffs, “it’s not,”

james looking at sirius, indignant, “it sounds like it is.” sirius psh’ed, waving his hand. clearly, they don’t get it.

peter sighed, “i feel like like i’ll regret asking this but - what is the push and pull trick?” 

 “don’t-“

sirius grinned, “i’m glad you asked,” 

remus roll his eyes already fearing the worst and james not even bother trying to hide the grimace on his face. 

“it’s when you give them a little bit of something like asking them out on date or bringing them flowers. and then you act nonchalant and aloof, like forgetting the date, or the flowers are all limp and dying.”

james gasps horrified at the prospect, “that’s bloody awful!” james slams his hand on the table, flabbergasted. “please tell me you didn’t give her dead flowers!”

sirius just shrugs, and james slumps in his seat. 

peter shakes his head and turns to his food. “i regret asking.”

“that is probably the stupidest thing i have ever heard.” remus sighs, his eyes dead and unamused.

“you are a terrible boyfriend!” james shrieked, looking as if re-evaluating everything he knew.

sirius rolls his eyes, “i am not!” running a hand through his hair, “this is a way to strengthen our relationship!” they don’t know, of course they don’t. but this is for the better.

“that’s assuming you still have a relationship to strengthen,” peter hummed into his cup. 

“if she cares enough, she’ll chase after me.” she has to.

remus rolled his eyes, “and why does she need to chase you?”

“to prove she wants me enough,” she has to.

“want you enough? are you actually insane?” james clicking his tongue, and looking at sirius as he’d wrong his entire lineage. “she doesn’t have to prove anything,”

“james, don’t bother,” remus says, putting a stern hand on james’ tense shoulder. “if sirius wants to play stupid games, let him. it’ll bite him in the arse soon enough.”

it was the next day when james, for once, had decided to heed remus’ advice of not bothering. so now sirius has been subjugated to conversations needing a middle man, as james refuses to associate with him until further notice. 

“are you actually still pissy about last night?” sirius groans, looking over peter’s stout stature over to his petulant friend.

“wormtail, can you please tell sirius i’m not talking to him until he apologizes to his girlfriend.” 

sirius groans louder following his friends in the halls. 

“james said he won’t talk to you because he hates you.” peter relays, deadpanned and muffled by the candies in his mouth. 

sirius grimaces, “i did try! but she wasn’t in the dorms last night.” he had meant to talk to you again, something to just get the image of you deflating and leaving the halls out of his head. he would have apologized and you would have forgiven him, like you always did. but he hadn’t seen you at all since last night. 

“wormtail, can you please tell sirius he didn’t try hard enough and i refuse to be his friend if he treats his girlfriend like shit?”

peter nods and turns to sirius, “james said you look like shit.”

sirius gasps, looking to peter now, “he did not say that—“

“i’m not even sure if he even has a girlfriend anymore really,” remus finally quipped. “as deserved.”

“mate, come on!” sirius laughs exasperated. “i really didn’t want it to be open, i’m going to take it back today and go on our weekly dates like always.”

remus snorts, “ha! like she’ll say yes after your show yesterday.”

sirius frowned, “of course she’ll say yes,”

peter scrunches his face, and shares a look with remus, “how sure are you this push and pull thing is even working,”

“because, we’ve already been dating for weeks and i’ve been doing it since the start.” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

james sputter out sounds of disbelief before speaking harshly, grabbing peter’s shoulder in desperation, “wormtail please tell sirius that he is absolutely mental for ever thinking that treating a lady like that is a good idea.”

 “james said—.”

 “i heard him,” sirius says, waving him off. “this is verified data, alright? this is working.”

remus laughs in that irritating way that he does, when he knows something you don’t. sirius can already hear the bubbling irritation, the urge to say a scathing remark settles on his tongue. but peter looks at something behind sirius, smirking as he points to the courtyard, “isn’t that your open-slash-not-girlfriend with a guy over there?”

the group looks and, sure enough, there you were. your back against a post and a guy’s hand flat beside your head, leaning way too close as the both of you laugh. sirius doesn’t like the way the guy is looking at you. he doesn’t like the way he’s inching closer and closer to you, and he really doesn’t like the way you aren’t doing anything about it. 

“it is working like how i expected it to, huh.” remus hummed, an irritating tone of smugness coating his voice.

sirius ignores the teasing quips and practically sprints to you, eyes blazing in anger and chest beating in jealousy. “hey!” he shouted when he sees you leaning up into the guy.

“hey,” he repeats, trying hard to not pant as he pushes his hair around to look nonchalant, “how are you?” he asks, eyes looking between the two of you.

the guy leaned back from your face, but his hands still remained near your head. sirius wanting nothing more than to cut his hand off and throw it to his face. 

you didn’t bother moving from your spot, regarding him in a dull look. it leaves a bad taste in sirius’ mouth. 

“oh,” you breathed, looking over at him. your face void of all the frowns and obvious anger you would usually have after a fight. which strangely makes it even worse for him. he knows how to deal with your anger, or your irritation but he doesn’t know what to do with your indifference.

“who’s this? a new friend?” he said looking pointedly at the offending hand beside your head and the excessive closeness of your positions. you raised an eyebrow, arms crossing in guarded scepticism, which, okay fair.  but he’ll be damned before he leaves without getting some answers. 

“charlie wilson, nice to meet you mate.” the blond reaching forward and offering his other hand. 

sirius stares at it in great offence, before dragging his gaze to look at you instead. “what are you doing?” he asked, frowning to see any sort of tell, a clue as to what you’re thinking. not even bothering to pretend he cares about the blond’s name, as the offending hand drops and stuffed into his pocket. 

“i’m talking to charlie,” you say his name as if you’re close. as if this person wasn’t a practical stranger in your life. as if it wasn’t a guy you’ve barely interacted before. surely, he would know if you were hanging out with a bastard named charlie.

sirius doesn’t even know what to say. frantically gesturing at the position you’re standing in, the heat of his glare enough to set the cold stone this bitch charlie wilson is still leaning into your space on fire. wilson sensing a tensing shift in the air, slowly removed his hand beside your head and stuffed it into his pocket, too. 

the guy laughs, “look black, i don’t want any trouble.”

“don’t you now?” sirius snapped, turning to glare at the guy still standing way too close. “then what are you still doing here?”

“sirius,” you warned, no longer leaning against the post, and your arms tightly crossed.

wilson, still with an easy-going smile on his face, raises his hands in the air in faux surrender, “okay then,” softly grabbing your hand and squeezing it, “i’ll see you later y/n,” then stepping away. to hell with later, as if sirius’d let him come up to you ever again.

sirius was about to follow him, wand in hand - clutched tightly. he has a few colourful words to express to this bloke charlie. maybe his earlier friendly glances were too subtle, for him to still casually address you like that. but before he could even take a step, you turned to look at him. gaze hard and serious.

“what was that?”

sirius sputtered out words of disbelief and looked at you, his eyes wide as saucers, “what do you mean what was that?”

“you didn’t have to be such an arse towards charlie like that.” again, with his name!

“well, someone’s got to be.” he puffs, “i see you have a bit of qualms telling him off as you were practically humping in the courtyard.”

“excuse me?” you gaped.

he should stop. he should stop and the apologize. take it back and start over, and beg for forgiveness.

“you heard me,” he retorted, arms crossed in defiance, “why didn’t you tell him off?”

“last night, if i remember correctly, you were the one who said you wanted an open relationship.”

he did say that. said it in front of the whole bloody school, too. he might as well have gotten up to the tables to scream it out so everyone could hear. how available he had made you. fuck.

but sirius is nothing but destructively defiant. even if he was wrong, he’d never admit it. “i know.” he sniffs, nose raised to the sky as he crosses his arms too, “i just wanted you to keep the tiniest bit of decency as to not go at it in public. wouldn’t want people calling you a scrubber.”

he saw you deflate again, like last night. your lips tremble just the slightest bit and your eyes take on a new shine of unshed tears. his arms uncrossing, apology already on the tip of his tongue and reaching out to you, but you stepped away. 

“i’ll keep that mind for next time then.”

he should’ve apologized. fuck.

he didn’t know much about charlie wilson, and he kinda wishes it stayed that way. because now he was everywhere. everywhere with you. always seeing you smiling and laughing with him in every bench, at every meal, in every class. how easy and happy you looked. it made him think to the last time he made you smile like that, though it only caused a heavy pit in his stomach when he realized he can’t think of any. too caught up in his head about methods to assure himself of the feelings you felt for him. that he failed to assure you of his.  

there were already a handful of people speculating if you two had broken up. each time sirius hears it, he denies it vehemently. he tries to approach you but you either ignored him or were too preoccupied in a conversation with that prat wilson to even give him a chance to say, hello. 

sirius groans, running a hand through his hair and plopping his head on the table with a thud. the gryffindor common now being the only solace for him from the onslaught of offending visuals of you and your new beau. 

“bit you in the arse real good, yeah?” remus chuckled, popping a candy in his mouth. as he leaned back on chair next to him. 

“it’s what muggles call karma,” peter cheerfully quipped. 

his voice muffled from the table, moaning to himself, “what should i do?”

sirius couldn’t see it but he can feel remus roll his eyes, “how about try not being a complete wanker then?”

peter smiled from the couch, “i would’ve gone for asswipe, as the americans would say.”

“or actually treating her like a human being, not an experiment.” lily stated as she entered the room. james following closely behind, her books clutched in his arms.

sirius mutters silently, “and no actual help was offered. got it.” 

but not silent enough it seems, as james replied, “this is your own fault, anyway. why would we help? i mean, seriously, who in their right mind would even think that what you were doing was going to end good.”

james had started speaking to him again, but only because peter kept adding gruesome details that always included hitting sirius’ bits that made him stop relying on peter to be middleman. but if you asked sirius, he would have preferred james not talking to him at all because now every time they talked it would always lead to a lecture about how bad of a boyfriend he is. which he sort of is (he can admit that now) but he doesn’t need the constant reminder, thank you very much.

“i’m happy for her, she seems to glow lately. i’m guessing without you to stress her out made her even prettier.” james huffed.

“agreed,” lily hummed. 

remus nods enthusiatiscally, “you have to admit, this is the best case scenario.”

“best case?!” whipping his head to look at remus as if he had gone bonkers. “how is this best-case? we barely talk now!”

“oh sorry,” remus sheepishly laughed, before scratching his cheek, “best case for y/n, i mean.”

“and what, you think i’m bad for her or something.”

“well you did treat her like crap.” peter said mouth full of candy.

james nodding in agreement, “not to mention she’s leagues above you.”

sirius gasped, scandalized, “we’re in the same league.”

“are you though?” lily hissed theatrically. “i mean, you’re here miserable and she’s out there dating.”

“she’s not—! of course i’m miserable, how could i even think of dating other people when i have her! i love her,”

lily raised an eyebrow, “then why’d you say you didn’t want to date her?”

“i never said that!”

“right, you said you wanted it to be an open relationship.”

“yes—“

“and then you stood her up,”

“i stood her up before i said-“

“like that makes a difference?” she bemusedly hummed, “you ask her for space, she gives it you and sulk. you ask for an open relationship, she starts talking to other people and you sulk. she just can’t win with you huh?” sirius seemingly sinking into his chair, trying to ignore the onslaught of judgement and scoffs “then why’d say all that in the great hall?”

sirius pauses, “i thought, it’d be good for our relationship—”

she gives him an incredulous look and scoffs, “are you joking? how could you possibly think it’d help with your relationship? you’re just pushing her away! not to mention humiliating - doing it so publicly, why if i was in her shoes i wouldn’t even give you the time of day. forget dating you, i wouldn’t even talk to you. did you even apologize? hm? or were you too caught up in your games to notice?”

he kept quiet seeming to sink deeper and deeper into his seat. a sneer etching itself on lily’s face, “typical,” she spat. “and now you’re putting on woe is me act as if you’re the victim when you’re the exact reason why this is happening in the first place. if you want to be an arsehole then at least have the balls to act like it until the end,”

“but i don’t want to be an arsehole,” he mumbled, hands restless on his lap feeling like a child again, waiting until the sermon stops. 

“what was that?”

“i don’t want to be an arsehole.” he repeated louder.

lily looking triumphant, leans back into james and crossing her arms. “then do something about it, instead of dragging everyone into your mess.”

sirius hadn’t a clue how to even start a conversation with you - feeling like he’d lost all the right to. the shame and guilt and inadequacy settling into his subconscious like a second skin. he doesn’t know what he could possibly say to justify his grievous actions towards you (because it really was a shitty thing he’d done to you - fuck, you won’t ever want to be with him after this), but he suppose he could start by coming clean. 

finding you was easy enough— it was approaching you that proved to be rather difficult. you had a whole set up in place; your yellow blanket spread on the ground, snacks littering your sides and a book in your hand. breathing in deep, his eyes firmly set on your figure, he slowly approaches you. this is probably be the first time in days that he sees you all alone. and sirius isn’t much for signs but he can’t help but think that it must be fate working for his favour.

once he’s close enough, he sees the thing you’ve been reading. he pauses mid-step, almost tripping him. but he steels his nerves and walked on. he had to do this now, or else he might never have the chance to make things right again.

“hey,” he says slowly, low and careful, like he knows anything could set you off— judging by the furrow on your eyebrow, and the frown set on your lips, he knew it wasn’t a far-fetched assumption. 

you look up, the magazine still clutched into your hand. staring up at him, eyes still holding that cold indifferent gaze.

he pauses and then slowly, “am i disturbing you?”

you looked at the all too familiar magazine, and all the annotations to the pages. he was pretty sure you were going to drive him out, maybe even hex him for good measure. he wouldn’t blame you if you did, you had every right to. but then you shook your head no and moved just a tiny bit to give him space. he almost sighs in relief before slowly plopping down. this was the closest he’s been to you for weeks. he wanted to reach out and touch you. maybe even just your robes if he could, but he knows that would be more than he deserves from you. so he settles half in the blanket and half in the grass before slowly asking, “what are you reading there?” 

you flip the magazine close, the cover in plain sight for the both of you, cosmopolitan’s marvellous guide to keep him interested! in bold yellow. “it’s a muggle magazine. somebody lent it to me.”

he gulps, “i see,”

you hum, still looking at the cover. your fringe covering your eyes, “it’s an interesting read - the contents are horrifying but the owner of this even more-so.” you plop the magazine into his lap. the wrinkled pages, a testament to how much the owner has read this thing is obvious. sirius grabs it and opens it to a familiar page. his handwriting scattered around, filled with stars and exclamation points to the things he’s curious to try. 

“i can explain,” he says plainly. feeling his hand lay heavy on the glossy pages and the heat rising to his neck and cheeks. 

you look at him, your eyes carrying indignation now, better than nothing he supposes. “okay then,” you huff, “explain to me why you’ve been using ridiculous magazine tactics to mess with me. is it your idea of a joke? hm? thinking i’m not even worth a decent relationship with you, that you just play me like that? experimenting with bullshit like appearing aloof to capture my attention?” you read into one of the things he’d underlined thrice.

“i know i know, it’s fucked up - but i didn’t do it to mess with you, believe me,” sirius says, running a hand through his hair and sags, “i did it - well, fuck okay, i did it because i didn’t know how to be a boyfriend.”

there it was, the embarrassing truth of it all. he doesn’t really know what the fuck he’s been doing the past weeks. too ashamed to admit his lack of experience in dating that he’d created this façade of easy confidence, reducing him to pathetically consulting magazine articles.

“oh come on,” you scoff, before quickly getting on your knees and reaching all over the blanket to grab all your stuff. “you’d honestly think i’d believe a sorry excuse like that? sirius you’re literally the hottest guy in school—“ sirius really tried not to preen at that, he really did. though his joyous moment of narcissism quickly fades once you stand, arms full, and heart tightening frown on your face. “—everybody wanted to get with you, i had people - people! - that would beg me to break up with you so they’d have a chance. you expect me to believe some bullshit about you being a budding virgin?”

there was a pausing silence when you looked at him, at least he felt you look. sirius refused to look at you, resolutely staring at his lap and willing his cheeks to calm down to its natural pale colour. 

sirius had never gotten with anyone else except for you. his impromptu celibacy was defiance at first, his parents urging him to make connections and meet people at hogwarts. people he can someday marry and produce an heir for the family, naturally he’d rebelled.  refusing to meet with anyone, or even entertain the idea of dating and he’d been successful in this endeavour (though some might say too successful). but then he met you. wonderful you, that broke down his walls and his immature need to defy his parents, like a battering ram and had made him want you. you made him want to be with you, and get to know you and love you, and you were so perfect. you’d always know what to say and what to do, and he’d just wanted to be that with you. but he hadn’t had the guts to ask for any help at the start, because people expected so much from him — expected him to know and he doesn’t. he didn’t want to disappoint you. though now he knows, he still did either way.

“you’re actually—?”

he nods.

you sit down again, things tumbling out of your arms to your lap and across the blanket. 

“why didn’t you say so?” you say quietly. your annoyance simmering away. even when he knows you have every right to run off and curse him out and never talk to him. but you were too nice. thank merlin, you’re too nice because now, you’re sat closer to him. he could almost smell your pleasant perfume. you were too good for him.

“i didn’t want you to think that you’d made a mistake dating me that you could do so much better.”

you flick his tie, “that’s a stupid reason.”

“i know,” sirius sighs, trying to still his twitching fingers from reaching out to you. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”

you huff crossing your arms, “i wouldn’t’ve cared, you didn’t have to use cheesy tactics to get me interested because i’m already am,”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

“and i really got upset you wouldn’t talk to me properly,”

“i know, i shouldn’t’ve done that, i’m sorry.”

“treating me like i’m garbage in front of the whole school too, do you know how mortifying that is?”

sirius bit his lip, “i’m sorry, that was - i’m sorry.”

you sag, throwing a pack of crisps into his chest, making him look up at you. “i don’t forgive you.”

sirius looks down, because of course you wouldn’t. it was enough you’d hear me out if anything. “i understand,”

you sigh, “you have to make it up to me first,”

“what?”

you opened a bag of crisps, all the while gesturing to the bag on his lap to open it too. “you could start by spending the entire day with me and telling me everything you’ve learned from this magazine.” throwing a piece into your mouth and giving him a tentative smile.  

sirius can feel the painfully wide grin spreading on his face, eagerly grabbing the pack and popping it open, you really are too nice for him. 

extra:

“how did you even get the magazine?” sirius asks, his arms carrying the folded yellow blanket and the crumpled magazine. 

he was sure he had it hidden in his bedroom drawer - with a strong locking charm too. he can’t think of how this could’ve possibly ended up in your possession.  

you shrugged, “peter gave it to me.”

he didn’t even know peter could pick locks! let alone counter his locking charm. “that traitor.” he grumbles. 

[the-weirdos-mind]

League of Villains X Teen! Reader: You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid

Songfic of the song with the same name by The Offspring. Here’s the reader’s quirk: 

 Quirk- Manipulation

Type- Emitter

How it works- Similar to Aizawa’s and Nighteye’s quirks you have to look someone in the eye to get them under control. They’re unaware that you’re controlling them but still aware of their senses. When you have someone under control you can do whatever you want with them until you either look away from that person (it doesn’t always have to be eye contact), blink, or release them. Whenever someone is under your spell, it’s like being trapped in a room with one-way glass. They are aware of what’s going on but, can’t get help. 

Drawbacks- If you use the power for more than an hour you’ll get a headache. If you push yourself you’ll get a migraine. You can choose when to activate it and for how long but the time still adds to an hour no matter how many times you activate it in the day.

Trigger warnings: Blood and use of violence, if I’m missing anything then let me know so I can correct it 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Show me how to lie You're getting better all the time And turning all against the one Is an art that's hard to teach

    You followed Giran down the hallway to an unknown place. You had the hood of you (F/C) on to hide your (H/L) (H/C) hair with your eyes on the ground. You watched as foot after foot in (F/C) shoes put pressure on the dirty ground. You mentally sighed as you reflect your life choices. You didn’t want to live this life but everyone around you saw your quirk as one thing; villainous. You got tired of the words and became what they wanted you be. You realized that heroes are worthless and they didn’t care that a young (boy/girl/person) was heading down a dark path. You glanced up to see the man opening the door. You immediately looked down and followed him in the room.

     Side glancing at the room you noticed it was a bar. There was a purple cloud like man with yellow eyes in a suit and a metal brace around his neck. He was polishing a glass behind the bar. On a red stool was another man holding a glass of alcohol. He had his pinky raised away from the glass though and you silently raised an eyebrow. Is this because of his quirk or is he British? His shaggy blue hair was covering most of his face but when he turned to face the two, you saw a pale hand covering his face and his red eyes glaring at you. You glanced down at the floor. Not yet.

    “You seriously brought a child?” He asked setting the glass cup down. “You do know that this is for mature adults? And (she/he/they) can’t stare at me in the eyes? How rude.” His voice was raspy and you concluded he was holding the glass like that was because of his quirk.

  “Shigaraki, this is (Y/N), I brought (him/her/them) cause (he/she/they) need some training with (his/her/their) quirk.” Giran said and took a drag from his cigarette. He exhaled and a smoke cloud came in the room. “(He/She/They) is getting better at it but, (he/she/they) still needs some help.”

    You rolled your eyes at him. “At least I don’t treat kids like they’re nothing.” You mumbled still bitter about Shigaraki’s comment.

     “What was that?” The blue haired man asked, dangerously.

     “So, you’re deaf huh? I thought an excellent leader would treat a new recruit with respect no matter the age they are.”

Another clever word Sets off an unsuspecting herd And as you get back into line A mob jumps to their feet

    “Shut up.” Shigaraki muttered and scratched his neck. He was stressed about the trouble this kid was causing. Sure he and Dabi didn’t get along but he liked being in control. “(He/She/They) is mature for (his/her/their) age.” Giran said. “Maybe with (him/her/them) as leader it won’t be bad.” He added. He knew what you were doing. If you get him mad enough to get him to look at you in the eye then you can show off your quirk. You did keep your mouth shut as the man stood up and walked over to you. You looked at him in the eye and a (F/C) hue came to your (E/C) eyes. His eyes begin to fog up a little, not enough to appear blind but enough to look suspicious.

Now dance, ****er, dance Man, he never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you

     Shigaraki barely saw the change of your eye color. He was so surprised to started dancing. His feet moved in a fast pace in place. “What the ****!?!” He yelled, only in his mind. Dabi started laughing again. The scarred man leaned over clutching his stomach. He’s laughing so hard he might start crying, or blood will fall from his destroyed tear ducts, if he’s not careful. After a few minutes of dancing you blinked to end the curse on him. They didn’t know that you caused it to happen. Giran smirked and patted you on the head. “What the h***?” The man asked looking around, wondering what just happened.

    “That is (his/her/their) quirk at work.” He man said before the other could get angry. “With a power like (hers/his/theirs) would be useful for heist situations and causing diversions wouldn’t it?”

    “What is (his/her/theirs) quirk?” The wisp man asked.

    “Manipulation.” You said. “Whenever I look at someone in the eyes it activates my power. I can hold control of them for at least an hour before I get a headache. Best part is no one knows that they’re under my grasp.” You said.

    “I’ll admit that I’m impressed.” Shigaraki said. “Welcome I guess.”

    Giran smiled. “You won’t be disappointed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now you steal away Take him out today

   After a few weeks of joining the League you’re on your first solo mission. Before this one you were mainly paired with a blonde haired girl named Toga. She was pretty nice when she wasn’t obsessing over blood or trying to stab you. Other times you were paired with a man named Twice. He would say two different things and it would give you mixed feelings about a job well done.

    You walked through the area of the city to a hero agency. Your job is to find maps of the inside and steal them. Shigaraki didn’t care if they were on paper or not all he cared about was getting them, It’s pretty simple to do but considering this is you, you had a knife and a handheld gun just in case if things went south. So far it was going well. You got a security guard under control and using him you were able to get a computer with the building’s layout on it. Pulling out a flash drive that Compress had given you, you stuck it in the computer and start downloading. Unfortunately, you looked away from the guard and he glared at you.

    “I don’t know your plan here kid, but it’s best if you leave now.” He said. He did try to alert someone but it was useless, he was trapped in his mind until you looked away. You looked at him and put your hand in your pocket with the knife.

    “I don’t think so.” You said. Before he could call for backup you pulled the knife out and threw it at his chest. He gasped at the impact of the knife and slumped to the floor. Blood was falling from the wound fast, staining his shirt and forming a puddle. Thankfully there was a ding as the data had finished uploading to the flash drive. You walked over to the computer and pulled it out. You smirked as you pocketed it and pulled the knife out from the guard. You left the building leaving behind a guard slowly bleeding to death.

Nice work you did You're gonna go far, kid

    You walked back into the hideout and put the flash drive on the bar next to Shigaraki. He nodded at you when he saw it. “Good job. A win for us.” He said and carefully pocketed the piece of tech.

    “And in an hour too.” Spinner said.

    “That’s really impressive!” Twice said. “It’s not that impressive.”

    You feel a hand clamp on your head and ruffle your hair. “Not bad, kid.” Dabi said. He could tell you’re gonna go far in the villain industry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit 'em right between the eyes Hit 'em right between the eyes

   You had gotten in the school with one of the best lies you have, your parents went there. It wasn’t U.A. but it’s also training people for the hero industry. The plan was to get the best marks in the school and transfer to U.A. as the highest in your class. Giran came into play for making fake documents that pass off as real.

    The one on one fight that took place with some kid you didn’t even bother to know was annoying. His quirk was something water related and you almost drowned a couple of times. You finally looked at him in the eye and ordered him to stop. You ran up to him and punched his face, in the between the eyes a couple of times. The first one stun him while the other knocked him out.

When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives

   You panted and wiped the sweat away from your forehead. You walked away from the ring where the training took place and looked at everyone else. They looked away from you in fear and parted like a body of water. You swore you saw someone running for their life. You smirked to yourself and took your seat on the bleachers. Pride danced in your eyes like lightning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Slowly out of line And drifting closer in your sights So play it out I'm wide awake It's a scene about me

  The first thing the infamous Class 1-A noticed about you is how secretive you were. You shared nothing about yourself other than your name and quirk. They noticed that you did some… shady things to put it mildly. Some noticed you snuck out of the dorms at night. Idia, Miydoriya, Bakugo and Todoroki had followed you to an alleyway and heard you talking to some shadowy figure there. Both spoke in soft whispers that they couldn’t tell who you were talking to and whether or not they were male or female. Other than that occurrence, they didn’t get anything else.

   About a week later, the League attacked UA. You had managed to get them in through your student ID and gave them full access to the school, by a really good copy of the little plastic card. Five minutes prior to the attack, you had excused yourself from math, who needs it anyways, and went to the bathroom. While the lockdown was going on, you met with Toga in the halls. The plan was to get to All Might and kill him, the typical plan made by the man child of a leader you have. You both heard footsteps running towards you and saw it was the class president, Iida. “(L/N), get away from her!” He yelled, doing his hand chop thing. You smirked and took out the dagger the blonde handed you. “No, I don’t think I will.” You responded. Time to shine.

There's something in your way                                                                       And now someone is gonna pay And if you can't get what you want,                                                              Well, it's all because of me

    He stood there, shell shocked at the sight before him. His classmate was a villain? You couldn’t use your quirk yet, anyways. You decided to let the scene play out. You let a dark chuckle seeing his face. “All my life I’ve been told that I was best suited for a villain. You know, you could’ve used the time you knew me to get to know me but, everyone treated me the same as before! It’s too bad that things had to end like this. Wait, no it’s not that bad. You and your class are gonna pay!” You yelled. You lunged at him and he dodged as he snapped out of his shocked state.

    “(Y/N), it doesn’t have to be this way!” He said and continued to dodge the blade. He was still surprised and didn’t attempt to fight back because he couldn’t believe the suspicions about you were true. You growled in frustration. “It’s too late for me anyways. You can’t turn me to the light.” You said and looked at him in the eyes and yours started glowing (F/C). He almost let out a gasp but it didn’t leave his body as his eyes fogged up a little.

Now dance, ****er, dance, man, I never had a chance And no one even knew, it was really only you And now you'll lead the way

   You smiled as the class representative had fallen for your trick. “Now, we’re going back to the class, and you’re going to act like everything is alright.” You ordered.

   He nodded. “Yes, (Sir/Ma’am/Other).” He said, voice coming out robotically. He set off to find his class and you followed him, due to your power. The irony of the situation was almost amusing to you. Almost. The head of the class, now a puppet. A puppet that can dance to whatever twisted moves that you have set for it.

Show the light of day Nice work you did You're gonna go far, kid Trust deceived

    You followed him down the twisting paths of the hallways to the rest of the class. Your gaze fixed on the back of his head. You knew Toga was going to inform everyone else that everything was according to plan. Finally, the two of you reached the hiding area where everyone else was. “Thank goodness you found, (him/her/them!)” You heard Izuku said. Then he noticed that something was off about his classmates. You were refusing to look at anybody else than the boy in front of you and Iida’s looked dazed. Like he was… under someone’s control.

    The greenette’s eyes widened. His classmate was… no. He had his suspicions but the truth is hard to handle. Before he could say anything, Iida gave him a swift kick in the face.

With a thousand lies and a good disguise Hit 'em right between the eyes Hit 'em right between the eyes

    They stood there in surprise and shock. A blanket of fear had covered them, making them stand there like statues. The only sounds were the groans of Miydoriya and the thud of his body hitting the ground. “I-Iida.” Ochaco stuttered in fear. No one had expected the class president to attack their classmate outside of training. The blue haired boy then hit the nearest person, Mineta, giving him a punch to the cheek. No one really reacted to that. In all honesty, the grape had it coming.

When you walk away, nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives

     While they were distracted, you used the opportunity to leave. It didn’t matter if Iida was going to spill the secret you kept from them. That s*** was already out. You smirked to yourself knowing which side of the street you belong in.

Now dance, ****er, dance, he never had a chance And no one even knew, it was really only you So dance, ****er, dance, I never had a chance It was really only you

    The mission went out as planned. It was only a ploy to strike fear in the hearts of citizens. After all, an attack with no causalities is far worse with ones that do. You now sat at the bar, a bottle of water in your hand. You may be a criminal but the age of drinking consent is something that you can’t argue with.  No matter how hard you tried. The news was on talking about the event. Everyone was able to get away without anyone being caught. Call it luck or whatever but, you’re thankful that they did. The anchorwoman was talking about how a student was involved with the League and helped out. A picture of your face appeared on the screen and you smirked. It wasn’t a school photo but a mugshot from a previous capture. One you managed to get away from. No one even suspected you, or so you think, but regardless it’s wonderful to see.

With a thousand lies and a good disguise Hit 'em right between the eyes Hit 'em right between the eyes

    You couldn’t help but chuckled remembering the looks on each of their faces. What they thought was a classmate was really playing a part. A perfect disguise if you asked yourself. You have the innocent looking (boy/girl/person) appearance and if anyone who didn’t know you found out about your job. It would’ve made you laugh as not everything is as it seems.

    Your fists tingled as they remembered the feeling of their face contacting your skin. You placed the hand that held the plastic bottle on top of the other’s knuckles. The feeling is something you’re going to remember for a long time.

When you walk away, nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives

  A pair of footsteps came walking in and you dropped your hands to your lap. You see Shigaraki walking into the bar holding a folder, with a finger away from it as always. You know it could only mean one thing. “Another mission?” You asked, voicing your thoughts. The boss nodded and handed it to you.

     “Go over it and be ready for when the time comes. You did good on your last mission, keep up the good work. You’re a valuable character.” He said before walking away. You weren’t sure if the last sentence was a praise or another video game term but regardless you nodded.

     “Will do.” You said and opened it up, wondering what will be to cause more fear in the people. And more pride in yourself. Each success makes you happy.

Clever alibis, Lord of the Flies Hit 'em right between the eyes Hit 'em right between the eyes

   You almost busted out laughing seeing  which role you were supposed to play. An innocent citizen who loves all the hero crap. You won’t be alone this time, having Toga to accompany you on this one. You felt excited for the mission. It would mean more people will realize what idiots heroes truly are. The truth will knock them down from the clouds.

When you walk away, nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives

   But right now, it’s time for a nap. The last mission tired you out. You took the folder with you and walked to your room. All that matters right now is a bed, a blanket, and wonderful dreams of a world where people run in fear from you.