#also new chapter soon (tm)

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

So, lemme give some context on why I'm bringing this theory today. I was rereading Cyanide and noticed something during chapter 10...

This line said by Morax :

"No, it would seem you instead utilize your own innate energy - this would imply your pool of innate energy is... much larger than the average Adeptus. We cannot rule out this being a human trait, but given there are no Vision bearers at the point in time... Well, regardless. It is with this innate energy that you gather the elemental imprint of the energies around you, and, likely by utilizing your Vision, parce the Hydro from the non-Hydro."(ok the many lines- I realized that more and more of his dialogue would work to support the little theory I'm about to dump here so I kept adding on lolol)

With the information received in the past chapters, some pieces started to form in my mind... We know that Ajax has some Volchiy and Zvezdochoty blood, but other then his hair and eye color along with what Rex Lapis told him, we didn't have much to show that he was a descendant of both and while his control over hydro was pretty good, it came from his tedious training. But now, now that I'm rereading... this "innate energy" that is apparently "much larger than the average Adeptus" feels very suspicious. What if it came from his Volchiy lineage? I mean, they are amphibious right? So for them and their descendants to have a natural affinity to Hydro would make sense. It would also explain why he would go deep in the waters of Luhua Pool to gather his thoughts during chapter 5 or when he went into the tank that was in the Hydro chambers in chapter 38, the water brought him comfort, it might've felt natural to go there. The fact that he could use Hydro the way he did towards the begining was probably also thanks to his Volchiy and Zvezdochoty blood, seeing how both are definitely not human, and could thus probably use the elements in a way that is more similar to that of the Adepti. So, because of that, Ajax likely has a lot less restrictions when it comes to how he uses Hydro, unlike normal Vision holders from future Teyvat. Sprinkles(it feels rude to call you Trashcan so Sprinkles it is), did you plan this from the begining? If so, then massive Kudos to you for having this much foresight on what you intend to do!

WOW, ok, uuuh I was pretty hyperfocused there haha, anyways... I can't think of anything more to add so... yeah! That's my little theory :)

i feel so seen rn,, i did in fact (more or less) plan this tysm for pointing it out;;; my efforts have been validated

(i say more or less bc some details were indeed added along the way bc they just fit, but for the most part it was all planned)

the gigantic pool of innate energy is a mix of both actually. it's bigger than the average Adeptus' because it's a combination of a human's (which is bigger than they would think they'd be, not as large as ajax', but still larger than they'd expect) and the mixed non-human heritage. they sort of- add together, which resulted in ajax having a comically large pool of innate energy. so you're correct in that it relates to his heritage, but not in that- like- he pool being huge is *just* bc of his heritage. still!

everything else is right on the money. like yeah ajax is really good at elemental manipulation but his familiarity w hydro does indeed come from his ancestry. but since he's the only human to have had control over it in who knows how long (in his world) it never really registered as odd to him that he found so much comfort in water. like- he just said 'oh well i guess im just a child of the ocean' and left it at that.

another detail to add to your theory that you might notice once you get there but i'm putting it here anyway bc now you've enabled me- ah, in the tsaritsa's monologue when ajax n co swoop in to the rescue (i believe) she mentions how it must've been his connection to the abyss what enabled her to send him back in time without completely exhausting all her energies (which would've required her to go to the brink of death to acomplish. what she doesn't know, of course, is that what made it easier for ajax to go from his world to teyvat was that the roots of his lineage were- well, in teyvat. it's not the abyss (it don't work like that), as she thought, but his ancestry. she might not have been able to send him back and then survive if he hadn't had non-human blood from teyvat in him hahah

anyway uh- thank you!! this comment made me smile like an idiot <3

[theworlds3rdeverchara-ty]

...

......

*Your footsteps echo in the dead silence.

[pharawee]

Gather around, fellow BL aficionados, it's time for part four of my Pit Babe novel commentary.

(And if you want to catch up, here are parts 1, 2 and 3.)

A word of warning: since I'm pretty far into the novel now (every post summarises five chapters) expect heavy spoilers, plot twists and revelations.

Oh, and omegaverse shenanigans. So many omegaverse shenanigans. You've been warned.

Also, a small warning for talk about and the aftermath of SA. As usual, please take care. 💜

Now, where were we? Oh, yeah: Way is the big bad enigma and he's been hypnotising Babe all this time - but gently (tm) because, you see, Way really, really loves Babe so that makes it all right...

Yeah, no. Get fucked, Way.

Currently, Way is still passed out on the floor, but as soon as Babe has come to terms with whatever the hell just happened, Charlie (who came to Babe's rescue just in time, remember?) offers to wake him up.

How? Oh, that's easy. He can put people to sleep at will. It's one of the many powers he absorbed from other powered alphas. That's his whole thing: he steals powers and just keeps them - like Rogue in X-Men but without any of the downsides. And as long as he's alive, the powers stay with him, never to return to their previous owner. Unless they die, in which case Charlie loses that particular power forever. Which in turn means that if Charlie dies... but keep that in mind for later.

Oh, and another one of Charlie's powers: changing his scent at will. Goddammit, Charlie.

As for how he knew that Babe was in danger? Jeff told him because he can see into the future. X-Men omegaverse, here we go.

But anyway, when Way wakes up he's confused because the last thing he remembers is SAing his supposed best friend. Now there's Charlie staring daggers at him, and one very angry Babe. Since Way is pathetic (but not the good kind) he attempts to explain: yes, he's actually Babe and Charlie's adoptive brother. Their father sent him to lure Babe back home and, well, get him pregnant. That was ten (10) years ago.

But, you see, Way is such a nice guy (tm), he didn't want to force Babe! Instead, he set out to ruin him for everyone else, thereby making it impossible for him to grow or heal or trust or love. Whenever Babe met someone he connected with, Way swooped in to poison his mind. And whenever Babe recoiled from that new connection, he turned to Way - the only person he could 100% trust. Or so he was made to believe.

So the Babe we meet at the beginning of the novel (and series) isn't really Babe at all. It's the version of Babe Way wants him to be - and for what? For ten years of pining and mindfuckery? What the hell kind of plan is this?

Oh yeah, the kind that gets you punched in the face. Thank you, Babe, you're really speaking my mind here.

And this is the part where the novel really shines because it doesn't just gloss over the implications of abuse. It doesn't leave Way's many empty apologies uncommented:

"I know what I did was unforgivable. I—" "Did you just realize this? Are you like this because I found out just in time?" Babe's voice boomed as anger flared in his heart. No matter how hard he tried to suppress it, he couldn't. "When I'm unconscious, you can assume it's okay to do it, right?" "I didn't want to do it at all…" "I don't care!" Babe shouted. "The point is, I don't want it! And you have no right to do this to me!"

But when Way's attempts to nice-guy himself out of his predicament don't work, he tries to shift the blame onto Charlie. Because Charlie lied too and, after all, didn't Way warn Babe about him?

Yeahhh, he's still trying to manipulate Babe. Way isn't sorry at all, he's only sorry he's been caught. Or, as the novel aptly puts it:

For Way, this might be like a love confession. But for Babe, it was no different from admitting his crimes.

But the novel doesn't leave it at that.

"So what's next?" Babe asked in a calm voice. "Should I thank you?" "What…" "I asked if I should thank you because you didn't rape me?" [...] "Should I thank you for not forcing me to bear your child?" "Babe…" “Even for my life, my body, and everything about me, I still have to wait for your mercy?”

And that's that. Ten years of (false) friendship have been erased just like that.

Really, I'm sorry for adding so many quotes but this whole chapter is just perfect in its blunt directness. It excels in giving Babe back his autonomy - the very thing Way has taken from him.

We'll return to our regularly scheduled omegaverse shenanigans after this bit:

"Did you know that every time you said that [there was never anyone suitable for me], it made me feel like I didn't deserve anyone's love?" [...] "And it's as if the only love I can receive is love from you…" Babe's sobs were so loud that his voice trailed off, but he took a deep breath and continued talking: "…but you never asked me what I really want." [...] "You only care about your own desires. You want to have me. You want to have children. You tried to make me love you and then agree to have children with you. Even though you always knew that I never wanted to have children." "I know you don't want to have children. And I know why," Way replied with a look that seemed to understand. But Babe knew that he didn't understand anything, not at all. "But because I know. That's why I want to change your mind." "It's not your job to change me."

And then, when Way has the audacity to try and hug him, Babe throws him over his shoulder and slams him right onto the floor, and even Charlie is like, damn, guess for a moment there I forgot how amazing Pit Babe is.

Damn right he is!

Later that night, things are winding down and Charlie insists on staying with Babe - just to make sure he's all right. Because unlike some people (!) he actually knows when to give Babe some space, and so he settles down on the couch in the living room while Babe stays in his bedroom.

But, understandably, Babe can't sleep. There's too much on his mind, none of it particularly good. He misses Charlie and, really, he's in dire need of an emergency hug.

It's Babe who approaches Charlie (only of course Charlie knew all along because he has super hearing now and he heard Babe's tossing and turning. Goddammit Charlie). They reconcile and it's really sweet because, in stark contrast to Way, Charlie's apology is heartfelt and reassuring and full of compassion. He also knows that Babe has been through a lot, so when Babe engages in their usual ritual of make-up sex, Charlie is hesitant:

Babe is so strong that he can lift bigger people and throw them to the ground. But believe me, no one is mentally strong enough to not be hurt by dirty things like that.

I just love how clear and concise the novel is on this part.

Anyway, they talk it out and Babe says that he wants to try anyway. What follows is a really sweet sex scene (but don't worry, Babe's still getting railed by his daddy to his heart's content - some things just don't change). There's talk about wild horses. I don't know why and honestly I'd rather not dwell on it.

Meanwhile, Way is being chewed out by Khun Tony (aka everyone's least favourite adoptive father). He's quite a bit upset but, honestly, what did he expect? He's the one with the stupid plan in the first place. Why did he even agree to let Way pine into Babe's general direction FOR TEN YEARS until he maybe catches feelings? The dude can hypnotise people! Just order him to do his evil immoral job!

But anyway, it's too late now. Babe's powers are already gone so breeding him (whyyy...) is pointless. Tony has a new target now: Charlie.

To my immense relief even Way is like, ew.

But it matters little because daddy dearest has contigency plans in place (and where were these plans TEN YEARS AGO - worst evil alpha breeder ever!). He orders Way to leave X-Hunter and return home immediately - and who knows, once Charlie is out of the picture Babe might end up as leftovers for him. Okay then.

In happier news, Charlie wakes up the next day with Babe's hand on his, well, little Charlie. I'm not being a prude here, that's what Babe calls it. It's a whole conversation, followed by - you guessed it - more sex.

Something is different this time, however. Without hesitation, Babe tells Charlie that he loves him, and then he asks him to be his boyfriend - to which Charlie eventually agrees. More sex happens. Actually, all of this happened during a blowjob which is very on brand for Babe. Things get disgustingly cute when Babe realises that this is the first time they're ~making love~ as boyfriend and boyfriend. This leaves him incredibly shy. Thanks to Way's meddling, he never had a boyfriend, after all. This is his first time being in love, and it's exactly as adorable as it sounds. Only with more mindblowing sex.

This includes sex in Charlie's supercar after a training session right on the racetrack (again I ask, have you even seen the interior of a racecar? How? Where? And who's cleaning this up? The mechanics??) as Jeff and Alan watch from afar.

"Why don't the two of them get out of the car?", Jeff said quietly as he looked at Charlie's car which had been parked near the finish line for a while and he saw no signs of it coming down.

Oh, my sweet summer child.

But yes, I'm happy to report that Jeff and Alan are probably going to be a thing in the novel too. This Jeff isn't a mechanic though. He doesn't even study engineering but oceanography (because he likes the ocean even though he's never seen it - live your dreams, my dude!).

As they sit and bicker, Jeff is suddenly struck by what seems to be another vision of the future. Whatever it is, it can't be good because it makes Jeff cry. Uh-oh.

He asks Charlie to meet him at his condo, and Charlie immediately notices that something's wrong. Only this time it's not Babe he needs to worry about. It's all of them.

I'm worried too but mostly for my own sanity.

Remember when I first explained about Tony's evil breeding program? Ah, those were easier, more pleasant times. Because now Tony figures that if he can't get an enigma to impregnate Charlie, he'll just get Charlie to impregnate an omega (because apparently there's a 50% chance that the baby will be an alpha with special traits - why is this novel explaining Mendel's laws of omegaverse inheritance to me?) .

Jeff is an omega.

And this is what Jeff saw: if they don't act now, at some point in the future Tony will have Charlie and Jeff brought back "home" and use aphrodisiacs on them (one up for the trope counter!). Jeff will get pregnant and as soon as their baby is born Tony will dispose of both Jeff and Charlie. This will cause Babe to seek revenge and get killed in the process.

What did I just read?

The novel keeps this from us for a while, and just casually mentions that Charlie isn't overly worried. He even finds the time to be jealous when one of Babe's old acquaintances shows up to Charlie's next race. They argue. The race starts without them reconciling, so naturally that means Charlie has an accident during the race.

It's bad enough that he's transported to the ER. But as the whole team anxiously awaits any kind of news, Babe realises in dawning horror that his heightened senses are slowly returning to him. He can hear Charlie's slowing heartbeat and the doctors fighting to reanimate him.

He listens as Charlie is pronounced dead.

The novel then cuts to Charlie's funeral which is only attended by a handful of people, mostly members of Team X-Hunter. Babe does not cope well at all but at least he's got Alan and Jeff to take care of organisational things.

Speaking of Alan and Jeff. These two have grown quite a bit closer. Close enough that Jeff asks Alan to let him take a look at Charlie's crashed car. The police are already investigating but Jeff wants to see for himself. Hm.

Meanwhile, Babe is alone at his condo, going through several stages of grief all at once (really, it's heartbreaking but so is the length of this post so I'm trying to keep things short). He's interrupted during the bargaining stage by someone knocking at the door. It's Way and he's come to offer his help. Babe might be grieving but he's not stupid, and so they meet up at a coffee shop nearby.

Way all but confirms that Charlie's accident was Tony's doing. What he meant to do was incapacitate Charlie but unfortunately Charlie died. OOPS. What a brilliant plan, really.

Seems like even Way has had enough of Tony's evil schemes so he's banded together with another enigma in order to bring Tony down. Said enigma is actually Tony's eldest "son" who seems to have escaped from his control to do his own (financially very successful) thing and bide his time until Tony eventually slips up.

That enigma is none other than Pete.

That's right. Pete and Way have teamed up to bring down Tony, and they're asking Babe to help them. Babe tentatively agrees.

While this is going down, Jeff visits some random uncle's secluded house. He's greeted by none other than Charlie (now somewhat worse for wear but very much still alive) who's faked his own death with the help of a man named Reval. Charlie feels guilty for lying to Babe again but they can't involve him in this: once hypnotised, he's still under Way's influence (uh-oh...) and could risk all of their careful planning.

Their plan? Getting rid of Charlie's powers before Tony can get to them.

This is where Reval comes in. He also has powers: he can somehow disconnect an alpha (or omega or enigma, I suppose) from their powers - which is apparently a very difficult and time-consuming process (and would otherwise kill the alpha), especially with someone with as many powers as Charlie.

Why does Reval do this? Oh, he's Babe's real father who's been in hiding until now out of shame and guilt (and some memory loss). Surprise!

Also, very convenient. 🤡

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

All I Have Is Yours

Chapter Two

Rated Explicit | Warnings: rough sex (past), semi-dubcon, norton is trying tm

tagging: @tfamidoingwithmylife

Ao3

Chapter One

A New Year's wedding is what your family is talking about currently, not that you are paying much attention to it. In the moment, as they talk about all the ceremonial stuff in the other room, the living room, Norton held all of your actual attention.

It was rocky this past month learning one another, him trying not to scare you with his mood swings but the voice sometimes gets too loud. When he sees you gazing upon him with love in your eyes when you say sweet words, or how you try to include him into this foreign lifestyle. He more than once heard the voice telling him to shut you up.

The words you say with a gentle smile or wide full smile. Everything you say replays in his head when alone.

“You look dashing, Norton.” Fixing his tie and brushing it down.

“Do you like it? I wasn’t sure if you liked sweets.” A mess from trying to bake a variety of cakes with your maid.

“Oh, and if you look there you see the lake! It gets frozen pretty quick in the winter and people ice skate on it.” You smile with endless cheer.

The madness it drives him into! The inner struggle you created within him and Norton found himself at one point losing the battle. Two weeks into the marriage, when you were explaining your father's assets, finances, and estate. Norton was one of the very few miners that could read, granted it was not on your level but he could at least read his father's journal and the posts on board for work.

The voice was too loud that day, you were— Are— too beautiful that day. God, he wishes he could blame anything but himself but in the end, he should have left the second he felt the pain in his chest and whispers becoming twisted. The voice, this darkness within him, made him believe and realize how much he wanted to fuck you like a whore. Of course, it is because this is going to be the ultimate way to get back your father, to ruin the dead fool’s sweet precious brat.

One second he turns to you, the next, you are under him on the desk.

You lay there staring up at him with wide eyes then covering your face with your hands.

“Please, be gentle.” Trembling as he crawls on the bed then up your body, “Norton.” He hates how scared you sounded on that day when the wind was howling outside and the house was warm but he felt cold. The chanting of take the brat, make them squeal, break them, Norton! Echoing in his head over and over. Norton’s hands shook, his breathing was heavy as if he had run a mile, and his body tense. There will be no point of return for both of you.

He never laid with anyone before nor have you. The moment was not as ideal as you wanted, he was rough and it hurt a lot. The moment made Norton feel like a monster as he saw you crying in pain.

That is why right now, in the smoking room, door locking, the former prospector is doing everything possible to make this experience enjoyable: for both of you.

You took initiative, you stopped him from meeting the family, you locked the door, you got on your knees, and took him into your mouth.

Norton is a mess, the sort of mess to be fighting to keep quiet while also saying how fucking hot you look like this. He didn't cum, no, he knew it would be too soon.

“Stay like that for me.” His voice rough and unfiltered desire, “God.” Slicking his hair back as he takes in the view of you partly dressed and flustered. Your makeup is ruined, he grins at the way you cannot hold his gaze. “What inspired this, my treasure?”

“...” You shrugged.

“Sit.” Standing up and moving around to stand behind you, “Legs over the armrests.” You do so. Norton wants you completely exposed.

There you are in nothing but your smalls completely on display for his eyes only. You kissed him back eagerly, his lips kissing your lips then your forehead as he kneels in front of you.

“You don't have to.” Shy.

“I do. I want to.” Assertive, yet gentle.

Slipping off your underwear, he can see how wet you are. A hint of pride in his smirk as he barely touched you, of course, the man before you blew him was grinding his leg between yours. Touching everywhere, marking every place he could reach, whispering in your ear how naughty of a thing you are.

“Ah—!” Sensitive as all Norton did was trace the outer lip of your cunt. “Hmm!” Cover your mouth with both hands.

Next time he is going to tie your hands behind your back. For now, he thinks it is cute how though married to you, you keep your voice down because family is nearby. A part of him wants it to be clearly announced how well fucked you are daily. Because you are his and just one taste of you is not enough.

Your legs squeezing and locked behind his head, your heads pulling forward as Norton, the hum of approval he makes has you telling him not to stop. He devours you like you are his last meal, one he does not care how messy his face and hair are after this. There will be pride in knowing how his disheveled appearance happened.

“Oh, there, please!” His fingers assist and find something that has you seeing stars. “Ah, Norton, Norton, my love!”

This time is a lot better, when his eyes land on your face it is not contorted in pain but the bliss you deserved and are owed the first time. He was apologetic after, he did anything and everything he could to try to fix his mistake. Even when you told him you understood, giving him mercy where he felt he needed penance.

“One more for me, (Name).”

One more, one more became two more and you struggled to keep your voice down.

When he finally sank his cock into your heat, Norton did not move immediately. He waited with you writhing under him begging him to move. “Sh, sh, I've got you.” Kissing you sharing the taste of one another as you both explored each other's mouth.

“I need you, Norton!” Whining, “Please, please.” This torturous to have him properly only to have stopped. His hands soothing you, his sweet nothing making your pussy squeeze around him.

“You like that idea?” Teasing you when he told you his promise to fuck you in every spot in the room. “I am willing to bet you thought this a lot.” He groans as helps you grind against him. Barely any relief but it is something! “Go on, say it.” The position switched to him sitting and you on his lap, naked while he still had his pants and shoes on.

“Norton.” You can barely think! The laugh, dark and rich, you could feel it against your chest. “A… A lot.” Everyone has fantasies!

“Heh, you got it bad for me.” As if he is any better with you chipping at his walls with your damn genuine love for him.

“I love you.” Moaning too loud when you finally, God finally, can move properly. The growl from your husband hits in a way unexpected. Your hands on his shoulders as you ride him— Not that greatly but Norton makes up for it by guiding you.

Over and over, the bliss is shared and found, you kiss him over and over, and Norton marks you shamelessly.

“Inside,” Panting, “Need.”

“Damnit.” You are too good for him.

When you cum, he cums with you. Romantic and not intentional, it is far more amazing than last time. Seeing you drunk from his cock is… Inspiring.

“The pool table.”

You hum softly not paying attention until you are caught by surprise to be lifted in his arms then pinned down on the table he said. “Norton?”

“I promised to take you on every piece of furniture here, my doting love.”

Neither of you heard the knock from the maid who smiles hearing two. Though now the butler is going to have to distract your family longer…

[virgo-dream]

1st Dreamling Nation Fic Exchange: Victorian Soldiers Edition ✨

“A mini bang of fics all written by members of the Dreamling Nation discord server, revolving around the same prompt, in which we were all given the same two pictures and, outside of brainstorming plot ideas together, were left to our own devices to create a story.”

It is with great pleasure that I present this collection of fics, fruits of the first Dreamling Nation fic exchange!

When I made this discord server back in December, during a Christmas induced Big Sad(TM) moment, I could never have imagined the amazing community we were creating, and now, almost a month later, we’ve got more than just these fics to show for what this server has given us. I’m incredibly blessed that one moment of deep sadness led me to meet such great people, and that we can keep inspiring each other and celebrating creativity and this wonderful fandom space that The Sandman has given us.

This event was only made possible by @littledreamling’s gentle guidance and kindness. Thank you, my love! I hope this will be the first of many! 💖

Now, with no further ado, the fics:

⭐️ When I Wake Up, There Are Only Your Eyes to Greet Me, by @virgo-dream

Rating: Explicit / multi chapter / warning: graphic depictions of violence

Five times Sergeant Robert Gadling woke up to Captain Morpheus Apeiron. One time Morpheus woke up to Hob.

A very unlucky battalion finds itself in the command of one Captain Morpheus Apeiron. He doesn't seem particularly worried with their survival, but mostly with ending the war as soon as possible. Sergeant Robert Gadling seems to be the only thing keeping all these young and inexperienced soldiers alive. After one particularly heated fight between them, Hob ends up discovering there is much more to his Captain than meets the eye, but is he seeing Morpheus as he truly is, or through the prism of his own desire?

⭐️ Golden Heart, by @littledreamling

Rating: Teen and Up / multi chapter

The first time he had ever clapped eyes on Morpheus Endelas, son of Lord Chronos Endelas, Hob knew the man was no soldier. He had floated through the camp, his feet barely brushing against the dry leaves, his head held high and haughty. There had been a massive red jewel around his neck and a white-breasted raven perched on his shoulder, equally lordly, if a bird could ever be described as such. Hob had simply rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why Lordling Endelas was parading through their camp, but it was also above his pay grade. He was just a first lieutenant, practically still rolling around in the mud with the common soldiers. So he had shrugged and rolled his eyes some more, right up until someone helpfully informed him that Morpheus Endelas was their new Captain. And then he had started reconciling his relationship with God, because the Lordling was sure to get them all killed.

⭐️ Ananke, God of Compulsion, by @aquilathefighter

Rating: Teen and Up / multi chapter

Lieutenant Hob Gadling is planning on deserting before his deployment. He has everything planned from faking his death to getting to the US. However, a wrench is thrown into his plan when Captain Morpheus Endeleas asks him to be his assistant for the week leading up to the company’s deployment. Now under close watch by a man Hob thinks despises him, he cannot escape his duty. What will come from a week working closely with Cpt. Endeleas?

⭐️ Tirra Lirra, by The River, by @quillingwords

Rating: Explicit / multi chapter / warning: major character death

Little Hob Gadling meets a strange boy by a river, and their lives become intertwined over decades. A love story set against a backdrop of war. A tale about memories, dreams, and making choices.

⭐️ After The Storm, by @immacaria

Rating: Teen and Up / multi chapter

The war was over. They had won. It was finally over. But Hob knew that at the moment they stepped into London, Dream's family would descend upon them like vultures and try to seperate them. No problem, though, Hob fought four years in the war. The Endeles family would not take Dream away from him.

[rosemary-morgan]

Javier Escuella X F.Reader - It's never to late to repent (Part 7) 18+

(Pictures found on pinterest/google. Collage made by me 🌺)

Many thanks to @fangirl-ramblings 🖤 she has been beta reading for me 🌹

Chapter seven is online 🖤 You have been with me through so many chapters now, suffering along with the characters. Y'all are so great! Thank you for your support, that means so much to me. You have no idea 🖤

Tag list: @fangirl-ramblings @rose-of-black-blood @livingdeadgirly @coaxium-captain-rex @12timetraveler @butterballchannie @charlesjaviersimp @ashethesimp @planetahmane @snoowply @sylum @noodle-tm @karmashatty @nadnad09 @lill2350 @slightlyexpiredyogurt8 @natnuszsstuff @boniscute @books-arebetterthan-boys @pedropascalluvr69 @blackrosegarden6 @sie-werden-nie-vergessen @inlovewithjavierescuella @red-dead-flowers @ezzythereal1 @livvnob @rayeee10101 @mrsescuella22 @javiersgff @vnyxv1 @blue-buttercup

If anyone of you want to be tagged to not miss the newest chapter, please let me know 🙏 Thanks 🖤

👉Read Part 1 /Read Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6

Summary: Where happiness is, the devil is not far away. And he sends his demons to torment those who have found happiness...

Warning: Trigger Warning! Rape! Read at your own risk! Huge angst alert!

Words: 1574 

Javier Escuella X F.Reader - It's never to late to repent (Part 7) 18+

It was very late at night and you were still lying wide awake in your bed. Outside it was storming and raining like crazy. It was always uncomfortable for you when thunderstorms were coming; you just felt uncomfortable. Every time it rumbled, you winced, and you could never understand how some people could see that as relaxation. Javier was such a person who could fall asleep very well during thunderstorms. 

Javier had been gone for a week now and of course, you missed him. But on the other hand, you were very proud of him, because he worked really hard to earn his money and to start a new life together you needed every cent. The dress you had made for Mrs. Hantoon had brought you good money and she had been so enthusiastic about your work that she had told her friends all about your skills and you could be sure to get more requests soon.

Since there was no point in tossing and turning in bed to find sleep, you get yourself up out of bed. You turn on the light by lighting an oil lamp, and put on your robe before leaving the bedroom. You felt the need to eat something small. Sometimes hunger came at night and you couldn't do anything to get rid of that feeling; or rather, you didn't want to do anything about it. What was wrong with satisfying your hunger? You still had some oatmeal cookies in the tin and you were looking forward to enjoying them with a cup of tea. You were a bit surprised when you saw a burning oil lamp on the dining table. Have you forgotten about it? This was not typical for you, but on the other hand you were alone in this house. 

However, you noticed a strange smell that you could not inhale at all and a strange feeling came over you immediately. 

You carefully placed the oil lamp in your hand on the table and carefully observed your surroundings. Something told you to leave this house immediately, but it was already too late.

You stopped, transfixed, when suddenly dark voices spoke to you and the shadows slowly formed into two men. Two strange men you had never seen before. Instantly you recoil and the only thought you have right now is the shotgun hanging on the wall that was within your reach. But you knew you had to be careful because these strangers were also armed and you would have a bullet between your eyes faster than you would reach your shotgun.

"What are you doing in my house?"

"We're just here for Mister Escuella."

"Javier? What business do you have with my man?"

They both laughed. They were the same men who had watched Javier and you from a safe distance some time ago. Cole was waiting outside for his men. Javier was not the priority right now; Angel Eyes wanted you, for  he knew that Javier would come to him once you were his prisoner. Still, he wouldn't make it quite so easy for Javier to find you...

"There is someone, including us, who has unfinished business with Javier. To find you here is a great pleasure for us."

"You better go now."

But the men were not intimidated by you, they were more amused at your attempt to force them out of the house.

"We don't take orders from women."

Henry, the big, robust man who looked like a bear, approached you and you could smell strong alcohol on his breath coming out of his mouth. You instantly felt sick.

"Sam, go to Cole. I'll be with you in a minute with this fine woman."

"What, you want her all to yourself?"

"Get the fuck out of here! I will fuck this whore's pretty pussy good! I've got priority! You can have her afterwards!"

"No!" you scream at the men in panic and horror. 

"Now go!"

Reluctantly, Sam left, unable to argue his case as he was last in the gang hierarchy and so he had no choice but to listen to Henry and reluctantly left the house.

You didn't care what would happen if you reached for your shotgun now, because you wouldn't let those bastards violate you! But Henry immediately reached for you, lifting you up as if you weighed nothing. He sets you down on the dining table and you instantly fight back as he pushes himself between your legs. He wastes no time in pushing your nightgown over your legs. Immediately you hit him and scratched his face, which made him very angry. Without warning he hit you in the face, pressing your entire body on the wooden table and you scream aloud. 

"Don't touch me! NO!"

You were scared and you panicked, because this man would rape you and there was nothing you could do about it.

"Hold still, little bitch!"

Another slap and the pain almost made you go numb.

"No... no..."

As he forcefully penetrated you, you screamed in pain and you couldn't believe what just was happening. This man was brutal and your whole body stiffened. He got what he wanted, yet you tried to escape him, but he kept pulling you back against him. 

"You dirty bastard! Stop it!"

You instantly remembered the oil lamp that was placed on the table, just a few centimeters away from you and you tried to reach for it, over and over again, but with each of his brutal thrusts you were pulled towards him again.

"Yes, you like that, don't you?! Does Javier fuck you that well?! Whore!"

You manage to grab the oil lamp and hit him right in the face with it, whereupon your tormentor cries out in pain, because you just burned half his face. The one moment where he lets go of you is enough for you to get your shotgun and you didn't hesitate, but you knew it wasn't loaded. Still, you managed to intimidate him with it. He remained standing on the spot as you threatened him with a look of rage.

"Get out of here, you bastard. Or I'll blow your brain to pieces!"

But everything was about to go wrong for you tonight because,  in the next moment, another man entered your home. It was Cole and immediately you aimed at him too, but he wasn't so easily to fool. 

"Miss." 

He took off his hat at the greeting and you could only shake your head as this behavior was absolutely inappropriate and ridiculous.

"Henry, what did you do to that lady?"

"What?! That fucking whore! Look at my face! I'll kill her!"

"You will do nothing of the sort. Calm down."

Cole was calm, relaxed. He was a man who was cold, who had no compassion for others. He always did a job cleanly and without detours.

"Miss, put the gun down before I'm forced to shoot you."

"GET OUT! YOU BASTARDS! OR I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!"

"We both know your shotgun isn't loaded."

Cole was very sure of himself. He pulled off his fine leather glove as he approached you and you knew you wouldn't get out of this desperate situation...

♦♦♦♦

"Javier, thank you for your help. You did a fantastic job!"

"Thank you, Mister Hazard."

"George. Just call me George."

The man's sympathetic smile was infectious and made Javier return it. He really couldn't have picked a better boss. 

It was just before sunset when the two men took another walk down to the lake.

"Ah, I could use a good beer right about now. How about you, Javier?"

"Yeah, sounds good!"

"Let's head on over to Billy's then."

Javier and George enjoyed the sunset for a moment longer. It was quiet and peaceful around them. 

"George?"

Javier gazed out into the lake, also looking at the sky, which was turning the most beautiful shades of red as the sun slowly set. Leaning against the wooden railing, he relaxed.

"Huh?"

"I still wanted to thank you."

George didn't know why or for what, so he looked at him a little confused at first.

"For what, Javier?"

"For clearing my head. But also for taking me in, giving me a chance to start a new life."

But George just smiled and grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it softly.

"Don't mention it, Javier."

Real life was just beginning for Javier and you, and he would do anything so you could have a happy life, too. And who knew if you wouldn't become parents again? The desire was deeply rooted in Javier, but that was a very sensitive subject for both of you...

It was still dark when Javier saddled his horse in the early morning hours and started his journey home. He wanted to be with you as soon as possible. With a smile on his lips, he thought of you and he couldn't wait to hold you in his arms. It occurred to him that he could get you another gift, because he had earned really well for his last job and he wanted to make you happy. Maybe a big bouquet of red roses? And something sweet to go with it? And another beautiful necklace? In Blackwater he would surely find what he was looking for in jewelry! Javier smiled a little, because he simply enjoyed making you happy. He would have some time to think of something nice. 

Javier didn't even suspect what terrible thing had happened...

[dairy-farmer]

I have the first chapter of the Civilian AU done, it's just going through beta slowly, and I decided I wanted at least half of chapter 2 done before I posted since it's gone from 3 chapters to 4 somehow TT

But! In the meantime, do you remember the multi verse AU aside? Where canon or Canon adjacent BatFam meets Civilian AU BatFam? Well, currently I'm thinking about the reverse, for full Drama (tm).

A villain attacks a fancy gala event, a fundraiser for children's literacy programs in Gotham, planned by Tim, at Gotham oldest hotel, in the ballroom. The villain takes the building hostage kind of situation, but a child there is a meta kid whose powers of time and space manipulation, and manages to transport all 173 people to a new universe, where there is a hero named Red Robin.

Batman responds with Superman since a whole building being consumed by light and suddenly being replaced by a similar building, one without any snow and whose lights are all lit. He ends up calling Diana and Superman, plus a few other league members because he quickly realizes there's multiverse travel involved.

News channels abound by the first hour, interviewing scared guests, alternate versions of Gotham's elite and some underprivileged children and their parents. Among them is Bruce Wayne and a strange woman none of them recognize on his arm with a baby on her hip.

The woman is beautiful despite being chubbier then most socialites, but would be just curver anywhere else. She does wear the Wayne Family jewelry however, a keen Vicki Vale notes, cornering her while Superman talks with this new Bruce. And then she manages to get one of her most viewed clips

"Tim Wayne, but Mrs. Wayne is fine Ms. Vale."

"And who finally tamed Bruce Wayne? What's your maiden name, Mrs. Wayne?"

"Drake, Timothy Drake." And so the world (mostly gotham, goes fucking insane." Oh, of course they find out Tim was just his secretary but it calls everything else into light. New light is shone on Red Robin and Bats both in and out of cape, while people keep trying to save Tim Wayne from his bad situation. Jason Wayne is also there, trying to defend his step mom and Dad, while everyone else thinks they're like in a cult or something. The cult of Bruce as it were.

Red Robin is so into DILF Bruce and his wife and soon gets seen making out with Mrs. Wayne of course 🤭🤭🤭

-Lady Lilac aka ♡♡♡

😍😍😍😍😍!!!! i LOVEE canon-verse/canon adjacent interacting with the multiverse!!!!!!!!!

i love the idea that tim in the civilian secretary au is a real martha wayne type socialite! because even in red robin and batman's universe this sort of expected way that married socialites are supposed to behave and act. no matter how progressive society becomes high society very much has deeply patriarchal values and failing to adhere to them gets you excluded, shunned, and bad mouthed. so everyone, bruce too, needs to adhere to it. and as much as the whole 'playboy' thing may have been entertaining and funny for much of high society, the older he got meant more than a few people started...wondering why he wasn't settling down. it's not like he was short of choice. and him turning down their daughters and such would be alright with them if he brought around women of equal or better standing but instead he'd bring about the likes of miss....selina kyle. well then at that point more than a few people start getting offended. angry even. bruce has a lot of money and has done a lot of work to make sure civilians never perceive him as more than a harmless idiot and that's great. that helps a lot for his work as batman. but it damages the work he can do as bruce wayne. bruce's actions are seen as disrespectful towards people with very deep pockets, deep pockets who can do a lot for the city. while the batman of one universe has a lot of charitable endeavors and does well...he doesn't do nearly as well as the batman of another universe. a batman who got married to a wonderful, darling little wife. who had plenty of rosy cheeked babies that all the wealthy grandmamas at galas and balls would coo over and pinch. a batman who managed to not step on any toes with tim there to apologize for him and grease squeaky wheels, who worked with him as a well oiled machine to make sure every ambitious goal they had in mind for the city came to fruition (because it turns out that bruce is more at ease at those events if he has someone holding his hand). tim takes the reins of the good will and projects for a 'better gotham of tomorrow'. being held in high regard means more solid connections, ones that bruce doesn't have the luxary of like of the newest mayor who is listening very intently over hor d'oeuvres about improved city planning so all those abandoned factories that are all around the city can re-enter production (sure it will make some people are a lot richer than they need to be but it will also ensure that a boom of jobs occurs in gotham with it's struggling market). so tim has his "little projects" that the other wives and ergo their husbands attend.

because tim is VERY well received by high society and all its stuffiness because he plays dutiful, loving wife who supports his husband.

tim and bruce's eldest child is just starting elementary school and it brought out stories from jason about his first day in first grade and about how he'd been one of only three kids who had been able to read a handful of words by the end of the year. and tim...well he thinks of all those children in his step son's place who still don't have the resources. the gotham media eats up how tim always has a new project coming out. a few of the crueler journalists make a joke about how he almost pops out as many charities and benefits as he does kids. that particular online newspaper gets blacklisted from all WE events.

tim does a good job and its the first of his projects he's undertaken with jason helping him on. having jason around helps especially since tim is very far along with jason's latest baby sibling. the program for literacy is a success. it's also the biggest task they've undertaken since in their research they realized a significant portion of adults from the lower income bracket in gotham were also illiterate. jason is the one who comes up with the idea for making the program run on a tv channel. unlike when he was a kid, nowadays most people had tvs. and since there were no playgrounds or places to play that didnt have broken bottles or dirty needles lying around that meant most kids watched tv.

having the kid's program be on tv meant that other information like job resources, night schools, and other programs could be spread to the parents of the child who were either in the room or watching with them.

it's a success. jason is the happiest that bruce has ever seen him as he gets ready for the one year celebration at a nice vintage hotel that is popular with the older crowd of socialites. normally jason hates these events but he's more than willing to shake a few hands in order to see the looks on kids from his old neighborhood's face when they see that the night's goal for the benefit is converting some of those condemned apartment buildings into a multilevel afterschool care center.

damian is relieved he doesn't have to go and has volunteered to stay the night with his younger siblings (no one mentions about how dick is upstairs and could easily babysit).

tim is cooing to their sweet one year old that they're taking (with them because the baby can be a little fussy) and beautifully filling out the silk halter dress he's in. their poor baby is whining and pawing at his mother for milk even though they're trying to wean him.

bruce is happy and content to accompany his wife and sons to the event. that changes very quickly when some masked gunmen show up because of course something has to happen when they're doing something for the underprivileged part of gotham.

jason is furious and carefully shielding tim and his baby brother across the room while bruce is in agony having to watch them as they're ordered on their knees with their side of the room.

but then...something pops.

there's no other way to describe it. it's like a big shiny soap bubble in his ears inflate and...pop.

bruce recognizes the sensation. it'd be hard not to recognize the sensation of dimensional travel though....he doesn't recall it ever happening with such a massive group before. in fact it might be the whole building because the front doors suddenly let in a gust of icy gotham winter wind even though bruce knows for a fact it's july.

normally bruce would be on alert. an entire building of people suddenly appearing must've set off every large energy monitor in the cave. if there's a batman in this dimension then...he must already be on his way.

the lights in the ballroom cut out for a moment but flicker back on. the gunmen are hunched over alongside many other guests who are in pain from sudden popped eardrums. many of the young children are crying including bruce's youngest child who is sobbing and burying his face in his mother's neck. the lights flicker again and bruce's knuckles throb from knocking out the gunmen as he crosses the ballroom to reach his family.

bruce is right about there being a batman in this universe and it appears this batman has wisely requested the justice league come help. and he does arrive. but not as fast as the gotham media who descend on this event like bloodhounds.

a few guests make calls on their phones, which apparently still work, asking for ambulances because a few of them panic at the blood leaking from their ears. ruptured eardrums are hardly something to panic about but bruce's heart aches at the sound of his baby sobbing. jason is helping comfort the other children while bruce carefully checks over tim, pressing firm fingers to tim's soft, pillowy sides.

bruce pulls himself from tim's side for only one reason and its at the sight of superman. his family might have thought he's turned into a softy ever since tim entered his life but if this is a universe with a hostile superman...well he'll deal with it.

it's not. clark is just as he remembers him. despite his firm voice in questioning and wary gaze as bruce approaches, dodging other reporters, there's a...softness...a relaxed sort of fondness that bruce hasn't seen in a while.

things had been awkward for a while after bruce married tim. and although clark may have come around there was an awkwardness between them. clark may not have said lois disapproved of their continued friendship- and maybe he did it to spare bruce's feelings but...he knew.

with this clark, once he figures out bruce isn't a threat by listening to his steady heartbeat, there's no...tension. no small lines of stress between his brow.

it's while he's talking with clark that the batman of this universe shows up and starts harshly interrogating him in low tones, quiet enough that surrounding guests being interviewed or attended to by paramedics don't hear. it's while theyre occupied that vicki vale makes her move.

bruce really shouldn't be surprised by the sharpness and readiness of the media. especially vicki. after all, it was those drama ridden articles she published about him and tim that was what landed her a talk show spot on good morning gotham.

the clip is circulating barely three hours later but within minutes of vicki finding out tim is his wife other reporters similarly descend and bruce has to leave the conversation to protect his wife from all their probing while dismissing their questions with tense words that they're frightening his wife and child.

jason swoops in for a rescue but grows hostile at the accusational questions about bruce and his and tim's relationship.

jason's harsh demand that they leave his mom alone elicits even more buzz. elicited and bloodthirsty buzz.

it reminds bruce a lot of how the media acted right after his surprise wedding announcement.

bruce is stuck dealing with a repeat of that so that means that fixing the whole dimensional mess falls to the batman and justice league of this world. thankfully keeping track of the guests is easy since they're in a hotel that had been on the decline for awhile and there are plenty of open rooms to house all the guests and families that attended.

turns out that in this universe this hotel was boarded up and shut down ages ago. that at least lightens concern about the hotel that is now in bruce's dimension.

it's been a while since bruce was enveloped in a media storm but thankfully, once they get over their shock, this dimension's batman and the justice league start gathering all the reporters up, trying to limit their probing into the situation given that the average person has no experience with alternate dimensions.

bruce appreciates it even if he catches a few of their grimaces and pursed lips. a few of the bats remain at the hotel to oversee and monitor the situation.

bruce recognizes all of them except one dressed in red and black wearing a cowl.

he catches the name. red robin. but can't quite pin the name to the suit.

until a few reporter photograph open windows and both he and the rest of gotham are treated to the sight of red robin and his tim wetly making out. black gloved hands squeeze his tim's plush waist and full tits and oh how bruce would recognize that pretty blush painting the visible part of red robin's face anywhere.

and well...bruce must admit he's only human. and given the stress of the situation he's certain that he's allowed a moment of weakness.

[jandjsalmon]

2024 FRC - October 🎃

Hello friends! We just got back from New York! It was wonderful but we were exhausted and then Jay and I got sick. It's been a whole big thing. Anyway - we're glad to be home and hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween with lots of candy and fun.

I've just started beta reading a fic in a new fandom and I'm exited about it. Once it's published, I'll share with all of you. And I'm just about finished the @fanfic-reading-challenge - only have the "monthly" tasks left - so I'm pretty happy about that. As always, I'll drop a rec or two of what I've been reading this month. Enjoy!

A Better Fate by @tm-writes (57/57 E - Daemon/Rhaenyra) 

Why you should read this: OKAY - so if you want a fix-it that doesn't include time travel (there are lots of those in the HotD fandom) - then this is the fic for you. Devoted Daemyra with tons of fun intrigue and politics - with some magic and babies and other awesome stuff. And the Greens get what they deserve and that's a delight to read. I highly enjoyed it. It's also massive - so you'll want to climb right in and live in the story. I could happily start rereading it again and I just finished.

Ricochet by @icapturedthecastle (2/2 E - Osha/Qimir)

Why you should read this: Totally AU. It's a political bodyguard situation but it's wonderful. Qimir is particularly fun. Deadly but still fun - which is very in character even in an AU like this. Super fun read. As soon as the final chapter was posted, I dropped everything I was doing to read it. SO good!

One more thing - American friends - please please please make sure your voice is heard on November 5th. Your vote effects not just you (and your children and the generations of children who will be effected by a tyrant being in charge) - but everyone else around the world is counting on you too. Vote vote vote. 💙🌊

[seirindono]

Update

Hi everyone!

It's been a while, hasn't it?

For some of you, this may be the first time you've actually seen me on your feed since I'm on my annual hiatus so... Hi! I'm Seirin, your friendly skeleton lover and author of The Missing Scarf, that one Undertale comic (o´▽`o)

If you were not aware, this blog is usually only active in the summer and/or during the holidays as I'm a student, but I figured I should still write a little smth as I really haven't given any news for a long while now.

So, um, this blog is still very much alive, and so is TMS!   DEMON AU TOO

Truth is, I didn't anticipate back in September the sheer amount of work I'd have to pull off this year as well as the crazy schedule, house mouves, and many, many group assignements... I've always managed but this year is just rough, both physically and mentally (that was new). I had a serious slump around new year and didn't even have the motivation to draw or open social medias for a while. 

But you know me, always ranting that health comes first and that I’ve seen enough burned out artists to know not to go beyond my limits. (*￣▽￣)b  So knowing that I had this 30 pages+ lore doc, unfinished sketches and pile of unanswered asks just waiting for me whenever I wanted to work on TMS, I knew I wasn’t up for the task and had to put it off for later. And later. Again and again. 

That's about it for the venting section.

As of today, I'm still short of time but I've got some of my energy back, enough to write this anyway. But also *drum roll* to work on the next part of TMS! 

And this is where the real announcement comes in: while I'm still on hiatus, I'm planning to adjust the publication schedule a bit for this part. Until now, I'd post a chapter (1 page per day) only after I finished drawing it in its entirety. For this part however, I've decided to try a monthly (or bi-monthly) publication, to give me some leeway, and for you to have actual updates.

We'll see if I can keep up with this pace, but it seems much more satisfying for everyone  ( ´ ▿ ` )

So there you go. Sorry again to those who kept sending me Asks and dms I never got to answer. I just kinda turn into a hermit when overwhelmed or don’t notice them at all (I feel extra bad when I eventually do but every drop of energy needs to be salvaged for irl emergency), but I really appreciate the thought! And, yeah, I haven't disappeared into thin air. I’m just... Lurking here and there.  

Thanks for your patience and I'll see you soon!

Updates will be on the 1st of each month (and occasionally on the 15th)

[booburry]

Echoes in Time Masterlist

Last updated: Dec 3, 2023

A/N: with creating the Masterlist for all of my work, I thought it important to also make a Masterlist for Echoes since I have posted every chapter, in text, on Tumblr unlike my previous releases. I will continue to update this as new chapters are released! I will also, hopefully, have a final number of chapters soon (tm)

Chapter 1 - Lost & Found; AO3

Chapter 2 - Kiddo; AO3

Chapter 3 - SSNN; AO3

Chapter 4 - A Star is Born; AO3

Chapter 5 - Drifting in Space; AO3

Chapter 6 - The Past is only there to haunt us; AO3

Chapter 7 - Let me wake from this Slumber; AO3

Chapter 8 - WIP

[glowinggreeneyes-e]

Threads, 4.2k Capvers

Can be read as stand-alone but it's a chapter from There's a War Going On, AO3. I type like I'm a Victorian writer being paid by the word (derogatory).

papvers?? capventing??... capvers parenting but they're looking after an injured girl from West Horsley who wandered onto the Button House grounds. it's cute af. capvers also have Issues(tm), an 'It's Complicated' relationship status on 2008 Facebook, work-related tension bc of said angsty Issues, and yet still have penchant for fluff because gay love pierces through the veil.

May, 1940

The cloud-blocked sun still cast long shadows across the Captain’s dim study, bringing to prominence the weariness etched into the lines of his face and the aged floorboards grains. As he occupied himself with his duties, he became wreathed in wisps of smoke spiralling from the end of his pipe. Dust still kicked up with the gusts of the summer-soon reaching through the open window, capturing the Captain’s attention in moments of contemplation; he enjoyed watching it dance in the air, swirling in the rays of light, while his mind buzzed.

His gaze had been fixed on a document casing spread out before him - everything Operation Solder - it mocked him with its official title. Weeks had slipped through his fingers since he last penned a meaningful entry into the file, a truth that caused a pang of embarrassment to twist within him. However, he was quick to point out, that the fault wasn't solely his own: blame could also be apportioned upon Havers' shoulders.

Beyond the confines of their shared operations, distractions seeped into his consciousness. New training regulations fluttered in, War strategies billowed through the House, and novel projects beckoned him. Research and travel conspired to steal his hours, leaving him feeling as if he were forever chasing the hands of the clock. 

The camaraderie that once bound his unit had frayed from the incessant work, its once vibrant tapestry unravelling into isolated threads. A mere quartet, the remnants of his unit, were left finding solace in the pub's shady embrace: MacKenny, Jones, Thomas, and Johnstone, naturally. Card games and convivial offers came his way, but he abandoned those evenings once filled with social escapism. It was all melting into a mere memory. His realm of productivity demanded a vast expanse of solitude, the sanctuary of his own space, while he smothered himself in his charge.

It was a delicate orchestration of self-discipline; he navigated its intricate bars with an external resolute grace, but in his mind, he couldn’t be screaming louder.

It felt like he always ended up back here.

The tip of his index finger traced the inked signatures of his and Havers’ names adorning the bottom of the Operation’s title page. He then leafed through its neglected pages, though the Captain barely registered the innumerable notes or sketches or references. Instead, his mind only provided flashes of Havers’ research into silencers, Havers’ letters, Havers’ persistent obscurity.

At times, the Captain watched over the Lieutenant in the drawing room, capturing fleeting glimpses of Havers tutoring Roberts or pondering the world's weight with the end of a pen clamped between his teeth, or engrossed in the tomes that lined their shelves. Of course, the Lieutenant kept close attention to all communication: he’d be the first to ask Jones for the morning briefings from HQ, the earliest when sorting through paper correspondence, and the last to check MacKenny for news at night. 

The Captain witnessed Havers' self-imposed isolation, his entire hurt marked by being tight-lipped. While the two of them still found themselves captured in a web of tension, the library had provided a fragile interlude before trust dissipated into an elusive spectre. And with each stolen glance, each hesitant touch, the Captain recognized the preciousness of time slipping away, the dwindling opportunities to bridge the divide that had entrenched itself between them. 

Beneath the layers of frustration and reticence lingered a deeper truth - the profound and complicated truth that bound him to Havers. There, tightening like a torturous device around his heart, defeating his commitment to finding a way back to what they had once been, was a conviction that overrode everything else. Toxic in its intensity, consuming all reason, and yet refusing to be extinguished…

He couldn’t let it be the undoing of him: love. Especially when it was built on one man's lies.

Mid-afternoon had indolently rolled around with high clouds that cloaked the countryside. When duty had momentarily relinquished its grip, the Captain had, for the first instance that day, ventured to the kitchen for fresh water. He had dodged his unit on the way down, nipping behind walls and doors as if traversing through enemy lines, but instead, he was desperately hoping to be left in solitude.

This morning’s reports had drained his well of cordiality. An assault on the Low Countries was not just a whisper or hypothesis anymore, but a reality that gripped the world. One by one the states of Western Europe fell into occupation and War. In the trenches of his soul, Clarke sifted through the debris of disheartening news and searched for remnants of British optimism, to keep his capacity to carry on, keep to his duties, keep everyone in line.

It was after he had descended onto the ground floor landing, where silence gripped the empty space, that he was confronted by the existence of other people in the downstairs of Button House. Only this instance was entirely extraordinary: tucked neatly against the skirting in the House’s entryway, he spotted a pair of tiny red shoes covered in dried mud and oak leaves. He squinted down at them, the muscles around his eyes reflexively scrunching with his brief inspection.

He drew his hands together, clasping them resolutely behind his back and assumed a rearing posture, preparing to raise his chin with insolence: he just didn’t have time for this. 

Entering into the kitchen, he let a wave of exasperation sweep over him - the state of the cooking area was the last thing he wanted to concern himself with today.

But there, before him, was his Lieutenant and a shoeless little girl murmuring softly, engaged in quiet banter. Havers was down on one knee, first aid kit within reach. With steady precision, he gently cleaned the girl’s split skin across her shin bone with one hand and let her squeeze his other.

The scene struck the Captain twice, for the questions it raised and its palpable tenderness. A fuzziness as wonderful as the softest breeze wrapped around his ribcage as he observed. Never could he anticipate, let alone imagine, have he could have been moved by his second-in-command - he felt the strain between them go slack.

The girl was perched on one of the unused kitchen chairs, watching the Lieutenant’s actions intently. She couldn’t have been older than eight if the Captain dared hazard a guess (not that he had any authority on the ages of youth… did they have all their teeth? Did they know how to talk?). She was gowned in a blue gingham dress that complimented her freckled skin and ginger-blonde hair, rebelliously having escaped its plaits. Her long, white socks were pulled down, revealing the extent of her gashes. At her hanging feet, Havers had discarded several pieces of bloodied cloth and wipes in his endeavour to begin her healing. It appeared to be anything but superficial, but the girl’s clenched fists betrayed her stoicism. Such a sight plucked at the strings of the Captain’s heart, reverberating with echoes of sentimentality. Oh, God.

Eventually, he relented to the fact that he hadn’t been noticed. “Havers?” he asked, his voice breaking the spell of their hushed discussion.

Startled, Havers turned his head, his visage a canvas painted with a mix of guilt and mellowness, as though he had been caught in the act of thievery - stealing time from the call of duty, giving it to the girl. “Oh, sir, sorry - I have a bit of a war-wound situation that needs attending to.”

“Ah, I see,” the Captain reassured.

Infrequent interactions with children had left him unsure of how to reach across the chasm of age with the proper course of conversation. Yet, the innocence in the girl's gaze impelled him to transcend his uncertainty, not to scuttle back to his dulling work. His lips curled into a smile, etching lines of fondness around his eyes, and he approached the pair.

“And what might be the name of this young lady?” he gently inquired.

“I should have introduced you: this is Mrs Bell’s daughter, Matilda-”

“Tilly!” she corrected, her interjection imbued with spirited determination. “And I’m six and a half and a bit more, sir.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” was all the Captain could muster, overtly formal in his reply. Any further response remained suspended, momentarily caught in the deep embarrassment of not conjuring anything else. She smiled back at him all the same.

“By Jove, you must have nearly finished primary school by now,” Havers quipped, his tone soft and dulcet, laced in charm, all the while skillfully tending to a profound wound.

“No, sir, I'm not that old.” Tilly’s melodious giggles filled the air. Her hands hurried to cover her mouth, finally letting Havers free to bandage her up with full dexterity and concentration. “I’ve only been at school for two years. But I am really good at reading and writing. My teacher, Miss Durrant, tells me I have the neatest handwriting in all the school.”

As an observer, the Captain wrestled with a sense of inadequacy, in his own territory, too. He yearned to contribute - to coax a laugh from Tilly's stomach, to ease Havers' task with a jest - but his mind remained a barren landscape, void of inspiration yet littered with mines and gunfire. So he busied himself with discarding the stained and spent medical supplies into the bin.

Only the gentleness of Havers’ eyes punctured through the noise. And his gaze wasn’t even directed at him.

Havers acknowledged Tilly's testament with an enthusiastic nod, before continuing in such a genuine and calming fashion that the Captain was stunned at his sensitivity. “Gosh, how remarkable - you should take great pride in your accomplishments. You know, I struggle at times to decipher certain Officers' handwriting. But perhaps that's more my fault than theirs.”

“I bet I could read it! I can read almost anything.”

“I’d let you, were they not classified documents… unless, of course, you’re secretly an Officer? And you’ve been undercover this whole time?” the Lieutenant playfully quizzed, tilting his head. She nodded ‘no’, cheeks rosy from blushing. “Now,” Havers continued, distracting her from his wipes of antiseptic, “for someone as eloquent and intelligent as yourself, I imagine the rest of your schooling will be a breeze. What do you want to do when you leave education?”

“Well, I wanted to be an actress but Mummy says I can’t so I’ll just work at the factory like her,” Tilly said. A hint of disappointment tinged her reply as innocence wrestled with the stark realities that framed her life. All the brazen honesty and innocence a child should possess was already being eroded.

“I think the girl who can read almost anything can do anything, Tilly,” the Captain found himself saying, a surge of warmth emanating from his heart to his words. “Your life should not be bound by anyone else's expectations. With your killer smile and delight, the world is your stage. That, I promise you.” 

As he spoke, the Captain noticed a subtle shift in Havers’ demeanour, a flicker of intrigue followed by a raised eyebrow. Yet, Havers continued his ministrations, his focus unwavering. 

The Captain and the girl exchanged a smile, content to let the moment linger, to weave his rhetoric into the fabric of Tilly's memory and impressionable heart.

“Oh, I- Thank you, sir.”

As he reached to put the first aid box away, his knuckles brushed Havers, who was reaching down to store away a pair of scissors. He quickly stood up and put distance between them, terrified that such contact would be reported to her family, even if Tilly was oblivious. “My, uh, my mother was an actress,” he added to fill the ensuing lull, an equal distraction for Tilly and himself.

“Oh, woah, what was she in?! Was she in the opera? Or-Or did she act in the pictures?” the young girl exclaimed, her green eyes - fixed on him - were wide with contagious enthusiasm, her candour a mirror of her age.

Havers also asked that question, only his was unspoken and shrouded in a veil of something indecipherable to the Captain.

It didn’t occur to him that he’d have further inquiries, nor the flood of pain and images it would unleash. Memories, long dormant, surfaced in a haze. His mother was long fated to be contained to tattered photographs and stories told by strangers. Caught in this inner reverie, the Captain bit his cheek, the taste of nostalgia mingling with his thoughts. His hands, now free of tasks, found solace at his side as he stood to attention; he looked at Tilly, though his thoughts were darting elsewhere. It was only after Havers shot him another glance of concern that he realised he should respond. “Oh, uh, well… she was on the West End in several productions; she worked under Ibsen for Hedda Gabler and Ghosts ; I was told she socialised with Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw; she-she even performed in New York for a short period. If she could forge such a path half a century ago, one can only imagine what you can achieve.”

“Can she make me famous?”

He hesitated, a moment of introspection that hung heavy in the air. He hadn’t the heart to tell her that his mother had long since passed, but he also hadn’t the aforethought to lie. “Come now, you can do that all by yourself, Miss Tilly.”

At that point, the final bandage had been securely set in place, and Havers rose, his gaze hovering on his handiwork. “There you go,” he proclaimed, a note of quiet satisfaction permeating his words. 

Having inspected the Lieutenant’s meticulous efforts, the Captain made a commendatory sound and bounced on the balls of his feet approvingly. “And how’s our bravest Officer feeling?” he said to Tilly, infused with newfound confidence. Conversing with her felt more natural than anticipated, less daunting than he’d initially assumed. His heart no longer felt like it was going to explode for the wrong reasons. He’d just had to - uncomfortably at first - relinquish the mantle of ‘the Captain’.

She pulled her socks over her wound dressings. “I’m ready to get back to the frontlines, sir!”

“Jolly good. Hasn’t our Lieutenant Havers done an outstanding job?”

“He has indeed, sir… Captain, sir.” Tilly responded with a touch of formality, her voice a blend of admiration and respect. She looked up at Havers, beaming at him. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

“You’re welcome. You displayed incredible courage, Tilly,” Havers accredited, unrolling the cuffs of his sleeves. “I commend your bravery.”

“You’re braver.”

“Uh,” he breathed, “well, I wouldn't-“

Her reply, brimming with childlike virtue, cut through the air. “And the loveliest man in the whole wide world.”

A flush of humility tinted Havers' cheeks, his attempt at modesty stumbling in the face of her unguarded sincerity. His gaze averted as if unable to bear the weight of her praise. He stumbled to find his footing. “I-I’m not sure-”

The Captain's intervention was swift, his own brand of reassurance layered with a dash of jest. “I should fancy you are spot on with that assessment, soldier. I quite agree.” 

He then found himself peering at his second-in-command, filled with pride himself; his heart was messily aflutter, stuck in conflict, as he reigned in his fleeting moments of turbulent infatuation. Havers’ reticent smile and compassion with the young girl, his intellect and service, how had he the heart to deceive him? The Captain's face fell, realising he once looked at Havers with much the same innocence as Tilly.

“He is! I got lost and he saved me from the dirt and sharp stones and stinging nettles like I was one of your soldiers. And he made my leg feel better.” Tilly's enthusiasm bubbled forth, her recounting of the events a vivid testament to Havers' gallantry.

“Oh, but you are one of our soldiers,” Havers countered, deflecting from the compliment. “You so fiercely traversed the wilderness and sought refuge with your allies when you needed help. And now - although I’m not exactly qualified - you have just been nursed back to health in this battlefield triage. That certainly makes you a real soldier.”

“I am?!” Her small hands tucked her hair behind her ears and she swung her feet. Her leg, still tender, responded to her exuberance with a cautionary protest - she winced at the sudden movement and settled for kicking the uninjured one in her excitement.

A spark of inspiration suddenly crossed the Captain’s mind, illuminating his eyes. He turned around to confirm it. In the corner of the kitchen, a coat stand stood adorned with the winter apparel of others - Last's coat, Miller’s scarf, and an old standard-issue cap that had remained untouched for months. The Captain deduced it was likely Bosanko's, left abandoned in his snappy departure. “Here, Matil- Tilly, try this on,” the Captain suggested, his voice infused with childlike anticipation as he retrieved the cap from its resting place. He swiped it and handed it over to her.

Tilly stood up, unintentionally scraping the chair back with a brief screech. As the hat was extended out to her, she glanced between the two men; though her eyes twinkled with eagerness, her eyebrows folded together. It was as if she was preparing to accept the weight of the responsibility that came with the uniform. Resolutely, determinedly, she took it and placed it like a crown. The cap, much too large for her head, remained perched with a playful tilt.

“There,” Clarke’s simper was barely masked beneath his moustache as he reflected her infectious joy. “Suits you splendidly; now you’re fully qualified and ready for whatever comes your way.”

“At your service!” A salute, both a gesture of gratitude and a pledge of allegiance, punctuated their interaction.

The Captain returned Tilly’s salute, a buoyant sensation coursing through him. He was sure he hadn’t felt this light in months, the moment lifting a weight he hadn't fully acknowledged existed. The world around them seemed to blur, fading to insignificance as he basked in the fulfilling simplicity of brightening a child’s day during a War.

Yet, out of the corner of his eye, he caught the subtle signs that aired Havers' unease. Ever the composed and capable man, he bore an unfamiliar veneer of trepidation. A deep inhale, tense shoulders - the Captain supposed Havers was enduring his own hurricane of emotions.

“We should be taking our leave,” the Lieutenant promptly suggested, directing his passive instruction towards the young girl.

However, the Captain chimed in, carrying a sense of authority again. “No need; I’ll call her mother to pick her up.”

“That will take too long, sir. I’ll walk her back. Make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble.”

“R-Right, very well; as you were, Lieutenant.”

Havers' gaze shifted to Tilly, his eyes meeting hers with gentle instruction. “Why don’t you put your shoes on?”

“Yes, sir!” she replied. She grabbed the cap’s visor and gathered the fabric of her dress, then scurried to the entryway where her shoes awaited.

As Tilly, absorbed in her task, prepared herself for the walk home, the Captain and Havers moved further into the kitchen, their actions a conscious retreat from the young girl's view. The Captain wasn’t sure why they were gravitating back there, moving in unspoken accord, but he let it happen.

In this sanctuary of muted privacy, their proximity stirred images of a time when the distance between them was calculated and terrifying. The Captain's heartbeat quickened, and for a fleeting moment, he was transported back to those clandestine days where their glances held a world of longing, where they couldn’t even meet each other’s eye without blushing, when he could only dream of what it would be like to kiss Havers. 

His chest leapt and suddenly it was like nothing was ever wrong. It was just him and Havers against the world once more.

If there were another force of nature left undiscovered, the Captain could feel it in his heart as it pulled him closer to the Lieutenant. The frustration he had harboured for so long washed off his soul as their knuckles brushed once more, igniting a connection that transcended speech, though not quite replacing it.

“You’re having quite the adventure today, Lieutenant. Although dealing with lost and injured children isn’t typically within the scope of our duties, I’m hesitant to pull you up for it,” the Captain spoke softly, offering warmth under his subtle teasing.

“Sir,” Havers warned in a whisper, doing nothing to pull away. A further response seemed poised on his lips, but the words never came, leaving them suspended in a painfully awkward moment.

“I had no idea you were so good with children. You treated her as if she was your own.” The Captain shifted their discourse to a more palatable subject than War or the threads between them, steering a diverting course around difficult conversation for as long as he could.

Alone and emboldened, he reached out, and held Havers’ hand by their sides: a touch, gentle yet laden with significance, meant to bridge every distance between them. Havers briefly met their intertwined hands like it was burning him, then squeezed the Captain's hand as though it was a soothing remedy.

“She will surely remember your kindness for the rest of her life. You’re exceptional with her,” the Captain continued, his words infused with affection, his grasp on Havers' hand tightening slightly.

“It’s my duty to be so. She is everything we are fighting for, everything we need to protect, everything I should be-” Havers stopped himself. His breath hitched which he bit down with a solemn smile. “I am only doing what is right.”

“Yet I do not hear of Lieutenant’s walking injured little girls home to make sure they are safe and do not get into any trouble with their mothers.”

“Well, I couldn't send her off into the village by herself. Look where she ended up last time. ”

“There are worse fates than ending up being cared for by you.”

The atmosphere between them grew warmer, filled with coy smiles and bashful glances, a glimpse of the raw infatuation they once wholly felt. An incandescent hope jumped inside the Captain, a possibility that perhaps they weren't as strained as he had feared, they weren’t as doomed as he’d embraced.

Their eyes locked, two souls laid bare, until the Captain felt compelled to break the loaded silence. “You haven't quite been yourself as of late.”

Havers huffed an aggrieved laugh through his nose. “I could say the same for you. It’s been rather a dreadful few weeks for us, though, hasn’t it?”

“I suppose so. But it wouldn’t be so terrible if we talked.”

“We tried,” Havers said, appearing a fusion of heartache and longing only documented by romantics.

Not hard enough, the Captain bitterly thought. He held this truth close, unwilling to risk regression in the delicate balance he had struggled to achieve. He still sought a way to reconcile Havers’ life with his own, with the War, with them. But Havers had made it his mission to not talk any further about himself - when everything was so intertwined, the Captain wondered if Havers ever intended on fixing the tension between them. No, he’d sooner run away, like he is now.

The goodwill that had once filled him now receded, replaced by the familiar undercurrent of paranoia. “I'm ready for you to try again.” His comment tumbled out with an unintended edge of anger. 

Then he saw a glint of tears forming in the wells of Havers’ brown eyes, and the thread of trust frayed to its thinnest strand.

“Good God. You’re impossible,” Havers breathed, almost pleading.

“What?”

“You know- Why are you-?”

“I’m ready!” Tilly called from the other side of the wall.

Tilly's shout shattered the moment, her voice a reminder of their reality beyond this brief interlude. Havers moved away with a hurried pace without another glance, his attention purposefully drawn to the young girl. 

Empty-handed, the Captain trailed behind, his own sense of yearning now mingling with the cold air that now seemed to envelop the ground floor. The space between them exploded with its expansion, threatening to swallow what was left of their fragile entanglement.

“We’ll get you home and clean those fantastic shoes up. They’ll be back to a bright red in no time,” Havers declared to Tilly with a gentle celebration. He offered his hand and she reached up, locking their palms together. Havers held all the weight of her arm with one hand and opened Button Houses’ front door with the other. “Onwards, soldier. I don’t suppose you know any marches or songs?”

As the Lieutenant guided Tilly outside, the Captain remained, watching from the window, an observer of this scene that both resonated with familiarity and echoed with the chilling void.

The Captain knew things had turned sour. Play fighting was merely fighting. From the fringes of War, they absorbed every harrowing development while they were working themselves sick. And amidst it all, a sinking feeling, a premonition, gnawed at the Captain's gut: an intuition that the worst news was yet to come.

When it did come, it would devastate him. And it will be Havers’ fault, he vehemently tried to convince himself once again.

[theclownbehindtheslaughter]

OMG HI!!

I JUST FINISHED READING ((well, I downloaded Back To Square One in an EPUB format, transferring it to my Speechify app to read it to me, but, potato potato)) BACK TO SQUARE ONE!!

GAHHH!! I LOVE IT!! I ALSO HEADCANONED THAT VOX’S NECK HURTS LIKE FUCK WHEN HE FIRST CAME DOWN!! I’M SO HAPPY TO FIND ANOTHER PERSON WHO DOES TOO ((at least, I think you do???))!!

I want to make a comic of it, BUT I DONT KNOW TO DRAW MOST OF THE CHARACTER DECENTLY!! 😭😭

Also, my motivation will probably run out. But, I’ll try!

((Also, I luv luv LUV your writing 💛💛💛💛!!!))

This quote was one that stood out to me. Idk why. It just did.

SHRIEKING. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THIS ASK!! I adore interacting with people who also the brainrot(tm) for the silly TV man getting put in a tupperware and shook around,

IM SO HAPPY YOU ENJOYED IT!! reading this actually kickstarted me into working on the series more (I've been busy preparing 4 classes to start among with other things and use my free time to play Minecraft more than i should) and will post a new chapter/maybe a path B addition soon!! BUT OH MY GOD!!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THAT!!! if you have any questions PLEASE ask me, i love gushing about my AU and will give you any information necessary (and more, i cannot stop yapping for the life of me) but please don't push yourself!! even if you just make rough draft of one page and call it done there, I will still explode with happiness. and that quote!! oh my god that quote, it was actually inspired by a book i read religiously when i was younger. i can't remember what it was, but i believe it was apart of the poison/rotten apple series? (i can't be too sure tho), and i can't remember much else, but it definitely got me started on my interest in unhealthy/possessive behavior, because i think it was some reincarnation plotline with the MC looking exactly like the dead friend of an immortal being, and they said something like what i wrote and it just WOULD NOT leave my head!!! but thank you SOSOSO much for reading my fic + taking the time to send an ask!! this really did make my day <333 (the yapping of an origin of that quote comes free of charge, of course)

[qkayoostudio]

devlog 17

Hi dear friends,

I'm working hard on a trailer! One element of which is a cute animated logo😊

makes it feel official, right? ♡

I also made overview of the point system in excel so i can keep track easily, rewrote a scene, and made minor changes to sprites in code (which took up a very not minor amount of time).

I also made the executive decision TM to include NSFW/intimate scenes in future chapters. This doesn't mean anything big or new for Chapter 1, but we'll get there eventually so I wanted to mention it now!

Of course these scenes can always be skipped without penalty or missing out on important story bits.

Chapter 1 is approaching soon !

be safe and well,

QK

[featureenvyproductions]

good news Music of My Heart 4 ebook is out

Print version coming soon, but I gotta wait for proofs so I don't end up selling you trash! Update on that to come.

If you're new here (or forgot, since it took me 4 stupid years to compile this book due to dragging my feet), this is the 4th installment of a graphic novel/OEL manga series I had started creating years and years ago. It follows a group of teenagers (all are queer, though most of them haven't figure it out just yet) in mid-late-ish 1980s Tokyo as they try to form a band - which eventually will be a visual kei band. It hits beats from typical school life/slice of life drama type things, but with some hard rock vibes thrown in. I made this comic because for a long time my Neurodivergent Special Interest TM was visual kei (early, harder groups) and because I like to write music sometimes, but I'm not a great performer, so this is a way I can share some stuff without having to be that (it's also worth noting that I had considered writing a story about western glam rock, but I just don't like it as much...I did write a "typical glam rock sounding" song for one volume but boy howdy was it like pulling teeth). All the notes and music in the comic are real, playable music, including the stuff in the backgrounds.

Now this compiles chapters 21-28 into a volume, but you CAN of course find this as loose scattered chapters in the tag specified in my tumblr blog description, or on my regular website www.featureenvyproductions.com. I always like to have a free version of it available, so if you're broke but you want the main story, it's there for you, go read it :)

That being said, I do offer some incentives in both the print and digital/pdf versions of the comic (digital obviously being cheaper) that you won't find anywhere else:

A new chapter of the bonus story Aki and Nana - a sapphic "bad" girl/"good" girl romance which follows some of the Music of My Heart main characters' moms during their high school years

Super high quality images compared to the tumblr or website version

Bonus images like chapter divider images and character thumbnails (I can't physically print these in color cost effectively at the moment, but in the digital edition these ARE in color)

A score for one of the songs appearing in the comic chapters so you can play it yourself if you want!

so maybe consider supporting me by getting a copy :)

[riality-check]

So no pressure at all intended, but am I allowed to ask for Appalachian!Eddie headcanons? Or Steddie headcanons with a ✨️ sprinkle ✨️ of Appalachian!Eddie? Or Appalachian Munson Family headcanons! You've awoken a beast in me that craves this version of Eddie. 🥰

Yes, of course!! I'm physically incapable of shutting up about this, so you giving me an excuse to talk about it is wonderful. I'm going to take this in a slightly different direction and talk about all the Munson Family Lore (TM) that I couldn't necessarily fit into the first chapter of the big ass Eddie backstory, but it is all canon in my brain and my little universe.

(I promise I'm working on getting chapter 2 up!)

Anyway, in no particular order, have some of My Thoughts (started out as family lore and devolved into Steddie. I'm all over the place, it seems!):

Both of Eddie's parents are originally from West Virginia.

They had Eddie at 16 and dropped out of high school.

They had a quick courthouse wedding when they were 17. Wayne was one of the witnesses, and Eddie's mom's sister was the other one. They jokingly asked the judge if Eddie, six months old and dressed in a tiny suit-patterned onesie, could be one of the witnesses when Wayne was running late.

Eddie's dad's side of the family is Baptist, and his mom's side is Jewish. Neither one of them are particularly observant, so Eddie grows up with holidays as more cultural/family traditions, rather than religious ones.

His mom's family did not approve of the marriage. They thought his dad was up to no good. His mom doesn't really talk to her family after that.

There is a Reason(TM) why Wayne and Eddie's dad don't talk. Yes, it's a spoiler.

Wayne is about ten years older than Eddie's dad. He enlisted in the Army as soon as he turned 18 and was shipped off to Korea. When he came back, years after he got plopped back in the States, because he had to piece himself back together, he sees that his little brother dropped out of high school and has a wife (not legally, not yet) and a baby on the way.

Wayne and Eddie's dad's father was a coal miner. He also just sucked as a person, and he died when Wayne was around 17, so he didn't feel as guilty for leaving.

Wayne was a truck driver for years before he settled in Hawkins. He starts off doing construction there before he starts working at the plant.

Both of Eddie's parents are addicts. They tried their best, but they absolutely were not equipped to handle a kid.

All hail Dolly Parton. That's it, that's the thought. Eddie's parents (and Wayne) love Dolly. And a bunch of other old school country artists, like Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash, and Willie Nelson. They just sort of get it.

Eddie's got an accent, but from state-hopping so much as a kid, it sounds more pan-Appalachian than anything else. His parents keep their vernacular from West Virginia, but they'll change it up for wherever they're staying. Anything to not draw attention to the fact that they're new in town, anything to keep a low profile.

Eddie likes reading Twain books. They're not written in his dialect, but he thinks it's cool that they're written in dialect at all. They're really fun to read out loud.

Eddie can't, for the life of him, say "tobacco." And I wrote a fic about it.

Eddie's mom called him all sorts of pet names growing up, but the one she used most often was "sugar." Eddie's dad was the only person who called him "Ed."

Neither one of Eddie's parents could carry a tune in a bucket, but that never stopped them from singing to him growing up. Wayne can't sing, either, but he doesn't try.

Steve thinks Eddie's accent is cool and also hot.

Eddie thinks it's a little bit funny when Steve can't understand conversations between him and Wayne. They talk so fast and the vowels and vocab are different and he is lost. Eddie will fill him in after, though.

Eddie's accent automatically kicks in when he sings lullabies.

Eddie's dad's name is John, and his mom's name is Rebecca.

"Edward" was the only first name the two of them could agree on, though they never call Eddie that, and his middle name is his father's name.

That's all I have off the top of my head! Everything else is kind of a spoiler, so I'm avoiding talking about it, at least until I get more chapters of the big ass Eddie backstory out. Thank you so much for asking, this was so much fun for me!!

[ladybugjournal]

New Chapter: The Planning

31 July 2024

Growing up, I never liked changed. I hated when things were moved around in my play room, I hated when I changed schools, I hated things I couldn't control. I still hate when I'm not in control, but I'm working on it. Now, I'm actually excited for the changes that are coming in my life.

Soon I will be moving, and then I will be moving again, and I have a lot of feelings about this. The main reason I'm moving, the real big change is that I'm going to Grad School! I've decided to get my masters in creative writing, and I'm excited for that.

The first move will be when my lease is up at my apartment in the hills (not The Hills TM). That move will come around November. I'm excited and scared, but ultimately, I know this is the best move for me.

My current living situation is not sustainable, it hasn't been for a while. Honestly, it hasn't been great for the past couple years, but I was blinded by love and trusted people who were lying to me and playing games with my head. It's corn dipped in cheese but that quote "betrayal doesn't come from your enemies" is so fucking true and I hate it.

I don't want to get into the whole thing right now, that is a story for another time, but I will say, in relation to this move, it's important. I know this will be better for me, it will allow me the freedom to take the next steps and not have extra stress because I'm walking on egg shells and not feeling safe in my own home, and also it will allow me to save money.

I'm planning on moving back in with my parents for a while (the couple months from the time my lease is up until I get into a program and move to that school). I'm going to try and transfer so I can keep working at the job I've had for the last five and half years. I wouldn't be paying rent (my parents are generous and want me to be able to save money, but I'm planning on helping out with groceries and whatever they'll let me pay for). But it will be good. I'm excited.

I'm applying to a bunch of schools (I have a list that I'm narrowing down right now). I'm leaning more towards the east coast, lower populations, small towns, forests and shit. I think I want to be around nature. I've lived in an over populated city/county for the last six years and I'm ready for the underpopulated. I want space to breathe, space to write, space to just be me. I need to slow down. I need the quite.

Also, if I'm under-stimulated my creativity will thrive because I will need to keep myself entertained. Plus, I'm aiming for a 4.0 (or at least graduating with a higher GPA than the 3.66 I graduated with in undergrad). Honestly, anything 3.8 and higher I will be happy with. So, less distractions would be nice.

I think I also just need to be by myself. I haven't been by myself for a very long time and I think we need to get to know each other again, become friends again. I've already started working on getting to know myself again. I've been journaling (by hand and here), and I've been having adventures on my own again. I think the best part about this is that even when I'm alone I don't feel lonely anymore. So, I'm calling that a win.

Okay, enough with the sappy shit, here is the plan:

September trip

Apply for grad school (applications are not open yet 😖)

Pack stuff I won't need for like 2 months (and take it to my parent's house already)

Tell my roommates I'm moving out at the end of our lease (and hope they don't explode on me)

October trip

Transfer request

MOVE

Start next steps for Grad School :)

This seems... doable.

I feel a little out of control, mainly because I'm just doing a lot of waiting. Waiting for the applications to open, waiting to hear back, waiting for my lease to be up, waiting to hear about my transfer. And yes, there are things I'm doing while I'm waiting. I'm preparing my portfolio and getting editing my submissions, I'm packing and planning, I'm going on trips and spending time with friends, but I'm still just waiting. I can't move past the next step because it's not time yet.

This is really turning out to be a training in patience. I'm not an impatient person, at least not an obnoxious impatient person. I'm fine to wait in line, I'm fine to sit in a car and drive for a long time to the fun destination, I'm fine to wait for a trip or something, but I like to be moving forward. I hate being stagnant , especially when I've decided on something.

Alas, I must wait, might as well plan and maybe try to distract myself from spiraling with creativity.

Wish me luck, Ladybug