#also my room is messier now

[watch-out-it-bites]

Falls over dramatically. So tired. Augh.

[againstdying]

reorganized my room a little 🧍

[nymphoniah]

lessons learned | logan howlett

AN: here's a little drabble about logan fucking you from behind, keeping you in a headlock, squished between his biceps <3 and also some dirty talk here and there!

pairing: mean!logan x afab!reader

content/tags: NSFW, minors DNI (18+ only), dom!logan, choking, dacryphilia, name calling, porn without plot, dirty talk, creampies, unprotected sex, pet names (princess, doll, etc.), size kink, mark leaving (ie. hickeys), breeding kink, brat taming, rough sex

logan sees the way you watch his arms hungrily, your lust blown pupils observing the way his muscles twitch when he's feeling tired. he knows the chokehold he has on you.

just a poor little thing, wrapped around his finger.

"i see the way you look at my arms, darlin", he grunts, manhandling you so your back presses against his chest, his toned arms snaking around your waist, keeping you locked in place.

"you don't even try to hide it," logan adds, pressing kisses against your shoulder, his hands working at the straps of your tank top, slowly sliding them down to reveal your tits.

"such a dirty girl, hm?" he teases, rolling the sensitive buds between his thumb and index finger.

"were you ever taught that it was rude to stare?" he hisses, tugging at your nipples, making you wince out in pain. logan smirks at your audible displeasure, now turning his attention from your tits to your neck.

"i’m gonna mark you up doll, ‘oughta teach you a lesson somehow," he growls. logan presses a kiss against the shell of your ear, making his way down to your nape, planting wet kisses along the way.

you lean forwards, giving him easier access to your neck—and when you give him an inch, he takes a mile.

his kisses get more erratic, sloppier, messier, hungrier. he can’t hold himself back, he needs to mark you, and absolutely wants to show the whole world that you’re his.

and so he sinks his teeth into the supple skin of your neck, paying sweet attention to how your weak moans escaped from your lips. he’d nip and suck at your skin, hard enough to leave those love bites you both oh-so carnally desire.

your brain is all fuzzy from the stinging pain you felt on your neck, mixed alongside the growing pleasure you felt between your legs as he simultaneously paws at your tits.

“i can’t take it lo, s’too much,” you whine, shutting your eyes tight. tears start forming around your waterline as he continues his assault on your neck.

just as your vision starts to get hazy, he wraps his left arm around your neck, keeping your face snug between his forearm and bicep.

“be a good girl and fuckin’ take it,” he commands, a singular claw popping out of his right hand, slicing through your mini-skirt to reveal your lacy black pair of panties.

sheathing his claw, he hastily pulls them down to reveal your sopping wet cunt. “fuck me…” he hisses, admiring your cunt in all its glory.

“such a dirty fuckin’ whore, you getting off on this?” he says smugly, slipping a finger between your folds, observing the way your pussy sucks him in.

you weakly nod as you remain sandwiched in his headlock. teetering between the lines of passing out and losing consciousness, you mumble out a string of words—something along the lines of “i need you to fuck me,” or “fuckin’ put it in”; they both mean the same thing to logan anyways.

he obliges, with one arm wrapped around your neck, and the other hastily working at the belt of his jeans. in one swift motion, his boxers and jeans hit the floor in tandem, freeing his cock from the confines of the tight denim.

he spits in his hand, pumping his cock a couple times before he finally lines himself up, and slides himself in, down to the hilt. your pussy sucks him in like a vice, the two of you moaning in unison.

“you’re so tight for me, princess.” he groans, thrusting into you at a rapid pace, fully sheathing himself out, and pushing his full length back into you.

the sound of his balls slapping against your ass fills the room. the pace of which he fucked you made you dizzy, the grip around your neck adding to the immense pleasure you felt in your cunt.

you attempt to press kisses against his bicep as the muscle secures you in place, but you fail to do so, as shown by your wine red lip stick smudged all over his arm.

“such a naughty whore, suckin’ me in like this” he teases, his free hand pressing against the bulge on your stomach, disappearing and reappearing with every thrust of his. “need this dick to fill you up, huh?”

and you whine as much as your parched voice allowed you to. “want you so bad, lo” you mumble incoherently. “need you stuff me with your cum.”

“such a filthy mouth for a sweet little girl like you,” logan grunts, the movement of his hips getting sloppier. “beg for it.”

“need you to fuckin’ breed me,” you moan, “make me yours,” you cry out— and that’s what makes logan snap.

with a few final deep thrusts, he finishes inside you. his hot ropes of cum fill your cunt to the brim; your arousal mixed with his cum leaks out of your sopping hole before he even pulls out.

he keeps his cock inside you for a minute, pumping whatever he has left inside of you, and finally pulls out. he winces, already missing the way your gummy walls wrapped tightly around his cock.

“need to keep that in you…” he says playfully, plugging your cunt with his thumb, the calloused pad making sure that his cum is stuffed deep inside you.

“now let that be a lesson for you, doll,” he quips, removing his thumb, slipping it into his mouth to taste the mixture of the two of you.

he then brings his thumb to your bottom lip, inviting you to have a taste for yourself. the heady taste of his cum combined with your slick had you moan around him.

he pulls his thumb away from your mouth with a pop, and you look up at him with your fucked-out eyes. you simply nod your head and give him a lazy smile.

surely it wouldn’t hurt to stare at him every now and then.

[madamechrissy]

Silent Serenades

♔ An arranged Marriage with Duke Gojo ♔

♔ Pairings: Satoru Gojo x you - in this chap it's Satoru Gojo x mistress, Nanami x you It's messy and will get messier :)

♔ Warnings: Sex, infidelity, mentions of past self harm, disordered eating of the reader, descriptions of reader physically (just ties in with the story here) panic attacks, cheating on both ends, cruelty from Duke Gojo, cunnilingus, fingering, slapping, toxic attraction. OOC. ANGST. Say hello to Mr. Nanami again hehe. Gojo is TERRIBLE still, you're warned

♔ Word count this chap: 8.8k

♔ Summary: you are the diamond of the season, he is the charming Duke, it’s the marriage of the decade. Prominent families joining, and it so happens that Duke Gojo is gorgeous. But, he doesn't want you, and now you're trapped in a loveless arranged marriage. Royal AU, dark bridgerton vibes, Cruel Gojo x reader. OOC Set in 1800s England. Gojo is awful at first, HEAVY angst Basically- Gojo is a royal dick and doesn't wanna marry you

Taglist open

Part Three ♔ Masterlist ♔ Playlist

Part Four

One week Later

“It’s a deformed bunny, disgusting.” Duke Gojo says, shivering in disgust as you now are the proud owner of a pretty little Pomeranian, courtesy of Lord Geto and Lady Shoko, who are both standing in front of you now. You gasp, glaring at him, looking haughty in his pristine white suit.

“It is not! He’s beautiful, aren’t you baby?” You coo, caressing the soft white fur of the puppy. Satoru rolls his blue eyes, white lashes fluttering as he does.

“He sort of looks quite like you, Satoru.” Shoko says then with a snicker, and Gojo glares at her, as Geto pets the puppy along with you, before kissing your cheek, earning a furious glare from Gojo.

“Excuse me, Sugu, what are you doing?”

“What, you said you don’t even like her. What would you care?” Suguru pecks your cheek again, and you giggle, eyes glittering as you look up at him, putting your hand on his shoulder as he grins.

“You’ll respect me in my home, thank you very much. No decorum.” Gojo gets scoffed at by all three of you then, as his Mistress slinks down the winding staircase, and Shoko bursts out in laughter. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not excused. Really, she was my servant!? I wondered where she went… she was stealing all my silverware.” The Mistress blushes then, and you can’t stop your giggle. Shoko is gorgeous, with tired, dark eyes and dark hair piled high, you errantly notice Suguru eyeing her just a bit here and there, and you look between the two.

Hmm, they would look good together, wouldn't they?

You know they’ve always been friends, the three of them, and if you could save anyone the pain of a loveless marriage you would. You put the puppy down then, as Shoko smacks Satoru in the back of the head, making him duck down in pain, before snatching him up by the ear. His mistress runs off now, clearly reading the room, she was also afraid of you.

It’s odd, you were too nice to one, then apparently too mean to the other. Navigating Satoru’s Mistresses was difficult.

“Ow, you little-” Satoru huffs, bringing your attention back to Shoko wailing on him now.

“You’re such a royal asshole. Maybe I’ll smack some sense into you. Inviting a Mistress to dinner? Flaunting her?” Satoru glares at Suguru then, who just shrugs, a smile on his handsome features.

“You told her everything!?” He demands, and Suguru just gives a little nod, as Shoko drags him into another room.

“She’s amazing.” You say in admiration, and Suguru chuckles into his hand a bit, before brushing back your hair fondly.

“Told you I’d bring a gift.” You lean up, pecking his cheek then, watching his high cheekbones flush.

“You did, and the best gift ever, oh Lord Geto you’re so amazing.” You hold his hand tightly, as the memories of your kiss hit. You flush a bit yourself as he grips your hand and brushes his lips gently.

“Suguru, please my Lady. We’re close now, you know.” He says huskily, and you feel your pulse race at his intent.

“Indeed, we are. But… may I say, you and Lady Shoko? You both would make such a couple.” He flushes more now, looking away and clearing his throat.

“We are just friends, Duchess.”

“Mmm, marriages are built off worse. Look at me.” Suguru frowns now, sighing as he looks down at you. “You both are of high status as well. Just something to consider, I’d hate for you to feel something like this.”

“The difference is, I would try in a marriage, not… whatever the fuck Satoru’s dumbass is doing.”

“I know you would. Well, ignore me, I seem to think I’m a matchmaker, and look at me. I’m here missing his old mistress.” Suguru’s lips part, then he glares.

“What now?”

“Catherine left because I was too nice, but I quite got along with her.” You say, and Suguru swipes his hand on his face.

“You should hate any woman who lays with your husband, and so blatantly.”

“I only hate him.” You say, and he sighs, nodding a bit.

“You’re too good of a woman, you know that? Like some pretty angel.” You shake your head, but he tilts your chin up then, brushing a thumb across your jaw line, and looks at you with those warm chocolate eyes.

“You’re too good of a man, Suguru.” He smirks a bit.

“First name, finally hmm? Scandalous.” You giggle again, as Satoru and Shoko come back in, and Satoru has a hilarious handprint on his pretty face. He glares over at the two of you, and Shoko smiles.

“What are you naming the dog, Duchess?” She asks teasingly, and you look at Satoru, then down at the pretty puppy, his tongue lolling out.

“I’ll name it Satoru.” Satoru gasps then.

“What!?” At the Duke’s angry yell, Shoko and Suguru fall into fits of laughter, as you all watch him lose it. “You’ll not name an ugly bunny after me, you damned bratty girl.”

“Why not, it does look at you. Look at this expression!” You pick the puppy up, and it tilts his head curiously, ears perking up as his tongue lolls, earning Shoko and Suguru bent over in laughter, nearly in tears, as Gojo steps up to you now, seething in his anger.

“You have no right to say anything like that to me, damned brat. Calling me a dog!”

“You do act like a dog. Not a well behaved one though. One I’d have to put outside for pissing on the floor and humping furniture.” You say then, and he’s furious now, as you scowl right up at him, and Shoko and Suguru are doubled over.

“You dare think you can insult me?” He demands, and now it grows more serious, you roll your eyes at him, snuggling your puppy then. “You?”

"It's just a name, Satoru. And quite frankly, he's a lot more charming than his namesake." His jaw sets now, as he looks down at you, where you’re holding the happy puppy.

“Insolent damn brat, as if you-”

“None of that, especially in front of me. Before I smack you for her.” Suguru says now, and Gojo rolls his eyes.

“Fine, you all bring her a stupid pup and insult me? Have you both not been my friends since childhood?” He asks them, and they glare simultaneously.

“As your friends we will be honest, it’s what we promised. This… it’s unacceptable. If you dislike this beauty so much, let her have an annulment, why hurt her so?” Shoko says, and you tense as Satoru laughs, darkly.

“Even my friends just adore you. You’re so perfect, aren’t you?” He demands, stepping even closer, filling your senses with his energy, and you step back now, needing space before you slap him yourself.

“I’m so tired of hearing that. Perfect. I am no such thing, clearly, as you tell me my flaws daily. Now, I think I’ll take this precious cutie on a walk.” You say, hugging Shoko then, and she hugs you back tightly, then hugging Suguru, pulling back to hold their hands. “Thank you both so much, I shall treasure this.”

“It’s nothing, Duchess.” Suguru kisses your hand again, and you smile softly, looking between them then.

“Will you be at the masquerade tomorrow? Together?” You tease, earning their blushes, as they look away.

“Dance with him? No way.” Shoko says, crossing her arms, and Suguru glares then.

“What’s wrong with dancing with me?”

“You’re Suguru!”

“And!?”

You’re snickering now. “Listen, just a thought. Suguru, will you save me a dance as well?”

“Of course I will, Duchess. Shoko… I’m a very good dancer, excuse me?” He then says to Shoko, and she rolls her eyes, waving at you as you head out with a satisfied smile, pulling the puppy along. Satoru stops you at the giant doors then, making you pause as you look up at him.

“I’m taking Satoru for a walk, Duke Gojo.” You say, earning an even harsher glare from him now, you hold in your laughter at it.

“Where will you be? I wonder. Under a man like a whore?” You laugh then, you can’t help it, earning him gripping your waist then, over your pretty blue bodice. It burns through your layers, you hate it so, your eyes narrow.

“Me, a whore? Go peer in that looking glass, Duke. I’ve watched you fuck three women in a couple weeks. I’m still a virgin.” He gulps then, eyes drinking you in, those long white lashes darting down your body, making you furious at the effect, fuck you wish your body would align with your mind.

His hand squeezes now, and you smack at it angrily. “And how long will you be a virgin I wonder?” He bites out, vitriol in every word.

“It’s none of your concern, dear husband. You just try to keep this mistress, they seem to run from you don’t they?” You whisper, tapping his lower lip now, and he snarls as you saunter out the door. “Farewell!”

Now here you are, in front of Nanami Kento’s apartments, along with your puppy, Satoru. You are nervous as you stand there, wondering just what you are thinking, would he even remember you? Was it some fun for him you wonder, and are you insane to be here!?

You’re a duchess, a married woman at that, clutching your thin blue cloak over your body, as your little dog named after your cruel husband is running around your ankles, wrapping the leash in a circle. You gasp then, as he’s firmly trapping you, just as Nanami Kento opens the door, and finds you tied up by your own dog, and he can’t help but laugh.

“Duchess… do you need my assistance?” He asks softly, and you drink him then, he has an apron on and flour dusted along his pants. You are flushed, so embarrassed as Satoru keeps running.

“Please, Mr. Nanami, could you assist?” You ask then, and he bends down, unclipping the leash from little Satoru and letting him inside, before he yanks you in as well, making you breathless.

“I told you, anything you require.” He says then, slowly unwrapping the leash from around you, his hazel eyes glinting with amusement as he unwraps you gently, until the leash is in his big hands. You notice bruises and scrapes on the back of them as he hands it to you. “All fixed now, Duchess.”

“Thank you Mr. Nanami. My hero.” You tease, then you inhale something sweet in the air, sighing. “Are you baking, Sir?”

“I am making cookies. Would you care to help? I could teach you.” He says, and you giggle then, putting the leash down and taking off your cloak, not missing the desire in his eyes as he looks at you.

“I actually am a skilled baker. I would love to help. What kind of cookie?” You ask, and watch his thin blond brows raise.

“You can bake? You’re… a noble, though…”

“My parents always let me bake, I quite love that, and cooking. Is it so surprising, Mr. Nanami?” You ask then, and he smiles softly, tired eyes getting hazy.

“You endlessly surprise me, my Lady. Come then, I have an extra apron, that dress is too beautiful to dirty.” He says softly, and you flush under his gentle praise, taking his hand and letting him lead you into his kitchen. “I did not know you were coming, I’m sorry my place must seem so small to you.”

“It’s lovely, Mr. Nanami.” Your voice is soft, as your eyes drink him in, his khaki trousers so covered in flour it’s quite adorable. You smile a bit at just how handsome he looks like this, as your dog is happily running around you both. “Please, know that I am not a typical noble. I quite enjoy your home.”

“Thank you… you’re absolutely not typical. I think that’s the furthest thing from how I would describe you.” He holds a white linen apron then, as he smiles down at you gently. “I’d describe you as… one of a kind.”

“Is that good or bad, Sir?” You ask, and Nanami chuckles a bit, as he ties the apron around you, and you tense as he’s behind you, his breath tickling your ear as he bends down.

“It’s a good thing. May I loosen this some, so you’re comfortable?” He asks, you nod then, shyly, and he’s so sweet as you turn and lift your hair. You feel his hands tremble just a bit as they trail down your back, between your shoulder blades. “You’re so tiny.”

“Am I to you? Maybe because you’re so big.” You tease, and he exhales then, one hand splaying the expanse of your back.

“No, you are Darling.” He says then, husky as he runs a finger down your spine gently, you shiver at how good it feels. “You don’t really need a corset you know.”

“I certainly do. I’ll plump up when eating your cookies.” You tease, but he hears it, the fear in your voice, and he grips you then, a hand on either side of your waist, as emotions hit, thinking of how much Satoru’s tiny words have affected your views.

“Do you fear eating truly? You’re in the wrong household, I’ll be shoving all sorts of sweets in your mouth.” He murmurs then, and you exhale, eyes shutting as you feel him, every bit of this man behind you.

“I do enjoy sweets.” You whisper, turning to him then, your corset loose on your back, revealing more of your breasts to his view, and you watch that Adam’s apple bob up and down as he gulps, his big hands sliding up your ribcage.

“Has he lied to you so much you think you can’t eat?” He whispers, hurt stark in his voice for you, and you sigh, looking down.

“It was a mere comment or two, he has taken them back. I think I just let them hurt me too much, let them get to me.” You murmur, frowning a bit at such a realization now.

“How wouldn’t that hurt? Well I assure you, your body is perfect. And you can eat what you wish around me.” He says so softly, making you blink back tears.

“Nanami…” You lean up to kiss him then, and fuck it feels so good, so natural to kiss this man here, and fuck isn’t he a man. He’s holding you with those sure hands, kissing you so gently in return, his firm lips brushing against yours, before his talented tongue consumes your mouth, making you gasp.

He moans then, picking you up with ease, pressing you along the taupe kitchen wall, and you’re left so breathless at the ease in which he handles you. You cling to him then, as your thighs wrap his hips, and you feel that heat even between your skirts, as he leans back and cups your face so delicately.

“I want you so badly I can’t focus. I thought you were just another dream last week.” He whispers, and you whimper, from the back of your throat, making him moan softly, kissing you again, over and over, as you grind tentatively, forcing a groan from him now. He holds your hips firmly. “Darling…”

“Yes, Mr. Nanami?” Your lips are covered again, his hands gripping your ass through layers of crinoline and petticoats.

“I’ll eat you instead of the cookies.” You giggle then, it feels so damn good to be in his embrace, so comfortable and perfect.

“Please, let’s bake, then we’ll… um, continue.” He exhales, letting you down gently, brushing you against his entire body, so hard and muscular, and you find your pussy just throbbing around nothing, dripping wet under your dress.

“I will surely try to focus, darling. You make it difficult.” You both laugh softly, and soon you are cooking together, side by side, shoulders brushing. He hands you flour, then sugar, and you’re mixing them carefully with a whisk. “You are the prettiest baker I’ve seen.”

“Am I, Sir? You do go on.” You are swirling the dough now, smiling up at him brightly, met with his little smirk, that lights up his handsome face.

“You have a little flour here.” He laps his tongue along the side of your lip, and you suck in a breath. He then leans back, hazel eyes so hazy, those blond lashes lowering. “Better.”

“Much better.” You agree, your pulse is racing, and he’s behind you now, wrapping his strong arms around your delicate waist. He helps you form the dough, kneading it with both of your hands touching, covered in flour, and it’s so intimate you can scarcely function.

The kitchen is so warm, filled with the sweet aroma of sugar and vanilla, and the rhythmic sounds of kneading dough and crackling firewood from Nanami’s living room. You’re in front of him now, swallowed by his huge frame, as Nanami’s breath whispers against your neck with his instruction, sending shivers down your spine as his hands guide yours.

“You’re doing so good, Darling.” He encourages, and those words from him continue to ignite a flame as hot as that fire now, to the point you feel sweat beading on your forehead. You wipe it with the back of your hand as he takes that hand, pressing his lips against it. “You smell more delectable than these cookies.”

“No, Sir I do not!” You giggle, and his gentle touch is both comforting and electrifying, and it’s all you can do to keep your wits about you as you shape the cookies together, his hands on yours.

“I bet you taste better.” He says, so husky, your hands pause as your heart thumps in your chest, looking back up at him, and he’s pressed against you now, you feel something so hard on your back now. You’re a blushing mess as you wonder at it, as you wonder about his body.

What does it look like? You can feel those muscles, you see how his shirts stretch across them…

You catch a glimpse of your reflection in the polished copper pots hanging on the wall, your cheeks flushed with desire, your eyes dark with need, and you’ve never seen yourself like this. The warmth of Nanami is a stark contrast to the chilly reception you get from your actual husband, the Duke, and you can’t help but lean back into him, feeling his hardness press against your lower back firmer and harder, making him gasp then.

“Duchess… you’ll be the death of me.” He murmurs then, making you arch up more, one hand sliding up to cup the side of his face, pulling it down to you.

“Nanami Kento, I cannot quite focus on baking these cookies. You’re so distracting, you know.” He chuckles, vibrating against your body, as the cookies begin to take shape.

“Ah, forgive me Duchess. You’re rather distracting as well. So, may I ask how you know to bake, as someone so high up in status?” He asks, and you sigh a bit, eyes fluttering in pleasure as you feel his warmth enwrapping you.

“My parents always let me go into the kitchens. My Nan taught me so much, she was like my parent, honestly. I find cooking so calming.”

“Hmm, it’s very impressive.”

“Is it? It’s just a hobby, Sir.”

“Everything about you is impressive.” You become more and more aware of his arousal, and it’s clear he’s fighting to keep his thoughts from straying, to keep his touches polite, as your mind goes awry.

Nanami’s breath hitches every time your body brushes his, and when you finally turn to face him, as your cookies are placed in the oven, you see the desire in his eyes is mirrored in your own. You place your flour-covered hand on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath the fabric. He looks at you, the intensity of his gaze making your knees wobble.

“Nanami, I-” you start, but he cuts you off with a gentle finger to your lips.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He whispers, the house silent now, aside from the snoring of your dog and that fireplace, and the whirling of the oven. “You’re so beautiful it makes me ache.”

“Thank you, I…” You yank off your apron then, watching his lips part as he watches your fingers go to your bodice. “Nanami, please.”

“Please what, my darling?” He helps you take off your bodice now, moaning as he looks at your body, as he then starts unzipping your skirts with sure fingers.

“Touch me. Please.” You’re begging, but you don’t care, you can think of nothing more you want than Mr. Nanami to touch you, to taste you, to feel you. He groans, helping you step out of your skirts, left in just your chemise. His breaths come out in heavy pants as his eyes study you.

“You’re so beautiful. Dear God. Do I deserve to see you?” He slides down your chemise then, leaving you bare, and for a moment you tense, but he holds your arms open, hands sliding down the sides of your breasts, making your nipples taut. “Please don’t hide, you’re so perfect.”

Perfect.

Are you? Is that a compliment?

You shove that back, gulping then, throat dry as he’s sliding sure hands down the nip of your waist now, before gripping your hips, his thumbs pressing into your pelvis, and you’re melting. His sure hands tremble just slightly, as he leans so close, bending down, his lips against your ear.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.”

“You, handsome sir, are too nice to me.”

“It’s true. I would not lie. Fuck, and I’m the first to see you fully?” You hear it, the question and desire.

“Fully, yes. Um… I’m so nervous.” You admit, then squeal a bit as he picks you up in his arms, bridal style, the way Satoru Gojo should have held you the first night, but no.

“Duke Gojo…” You stand there at the threshold of your new home, Gojo Manor, and Satoru raises a brow, smirking sardonically.

“Expect me to carry you? Absolutely not. Don’t think I want the back pain, let alone you in my arms.” You’re trembling at that, tears filling your eyes. You look down then, feeling so unwanted, so insecure.

“I just thought this was a tradition.” You say, voice hoarse, and Satoru scoffs, walking in ahead of you.

“I’d rather not suffer having you in my arms.” He strides away then, leaving you at the doorway, devastated.

“Darling, you’re crying.” Nanami whispers, as you realize you’re now in his immaculate bedroom, it’s spotless, aside from some of his ties and spectacles along a white dresser. You cling to him, arms around his neck now, trying to bring your focus to him.

“I was having a bad memory. You’re fixing it.” You say then, and he kisses you, so passionately, until you’re on your back, his bed creaking slightly as he straddles you, completely naked as he’s fully dressed. Your hips buck up, back arching for more and more of his caresses. “Oh, Nanami…”

“Kento.” He corrects softly, hands slipping down your hips to grip your ass, spreading your cheeks and exposing more of your eager cunt, dripping. You’re whimpering as your eyes lock with his.

“Kento.” His name on your lips does him in, he’s slamming that mouth back down, kissing away every thought and fear you have, and your arms wrap around his neck now, pulling him down for more and more of his expert kisses.

“My darling, may I please taste you?” He asks huskily, kissing down your throat now, you cry out as his hand slides down your soft tummy, splaying it before a thumb brushes down the lips of your sex.

“Oh my god!” You scream out when he touches you somewhere, so sensitive it makes you feel overheated, it makes your body twitch in response. “What is that, Kento?”

“One of your spots, darling. And fuck… you’re so wet.” He whispers, making you cry out even more, trembling violently as he rubs little circles, kissing down your waist and peering up at you with his eyes, full of desire.

“Feels s’good.” You whine, making him grip you tighter with his free hand, as he continues to circle your clit, before sliding his finger down, inside you. You gasp at the sensation of feeling so full suddenly, dripping down his thick finger. “Oh my… it’s s’good, I-”

“You’re so tight. Mmm.” He huffs as he crooks his finger up, hitting some spot that makes you blinded then, seeing black and glittery stars. You’re feeling waves of pleasure wash over you, as your hands clutch Nanami’s soft blankets, the heels of your feet digging into his bed, as he kisses lower, lower. “You smell so good too, heavenly… fuck.”

“What are you… you’re… Kento!” You scream out then, hands enwrapping in his sandy blond hair as he kisses you where he just touched. “Huh? Wha-”

“I want to taste you, darling. Please… if you want.” He spreads your thighs with sure hands now, and you’re dripping out of your little hole, as the cool air of his room hits you, as he’s got those lips parted, devouring you with a gaze. “You’re so beautiful… your cunt…”

“My… cunt?” You whisper, and he sighs, tickling your cunt now, making you jump at it.

“Your cunt, your pussy… this.” He kisses it again, and you’re falling back into the bed, hips rising up for more, more. “You taste so good, darling.”

“Y-you wanna… um… taste me there?” You ask nervously, garnering his light laugh, as he spreads the plump lips of your sex, licking his full lower lip.

“I want to taste you everywhere, darling. But only if you want.” You exhale, struggling to compose yourself, as he’s laying between your thighs, looking so sexy now, looking at you with such desire you can’t take it. It overwhelms you, how beautiful you feel, versus how you feel at home.

With the man that scoffs at you, that downs you, but for one moment had said one nice thing… that your breasts were perfect. And you, so stupid, had avoided seeing Nanami all week, feeling so awful, as Satoru fucks his mistress in the room next to you. You were so stupid, so desperate for just one bit of affection you’d take even the crumbs.

Until today, when you knew you needed to see Nanami, to be in his arms, so strong and sure, to feel his presence, calming and intoxicating. Your hands cup his face now, garnering his kiss on your palm, his hands pressing on the backs of your thighs, spreading you and making you blush as his silky hair tickles your inner thigh.

“Please taste me, Nanami Kento. I want you to.”

“Oh my… Oh my god, darling.” He says huskily then, you know he was waiting for that, for your permission, and he’s swiping his tongue up your slit, and fuck it feels so good you scream out, embarrassingly loud, hips rising up for more, more.

“Ngh, oh my-ah!” You cry out, weakly, while Nanami is lapping your wetness up, as it drools from your eager cunt, then his tongue is inside you, and your walls are fluttering around it. His big hands grip your thighs roughly, squeezing them, pressing against the muscles there. You’re falling apart, as his nose bumps your clit, as he’s moaning and vibrating against you.

He’s licking higher, and your eyes are rolling back, as now the tip of his tongue begins to flick under your clit, over and over, quick gentle flicks that consume you. Your hands tangle in his hair, and you find yourself pulling it, shoving him against you, for more of it. His eyes, glinting green in the soft light coming from his blinds, stare up at you as he works you like an instrument.

Your pleasure starts building, until it feels like your body is on fire, and you scream out, with so much force, your voice gets hoarse and breaks in the middle. You feel yourself fading more and more, until it’s just him, the sexy noises as he practically drinks you, and he’s pulling back for just a moment, sliding his finger back in, pumping it in and out.

“Kento… I’m… something…” You can’t describe it, the pressure about to break now, and Nanami exhales, making you jump from the breath hitting you, as he watches you so carefully, your every expression.

“You’re so close, I feel you. Let go, darling, let go. I have you.” He whispers, and then he slurps away your sweetness, his tongue stroking upwards, and that’s when you topple over that edge.

You’re crying out, your toes curling as your body jolts with the force of your orgasm, overtaking your every sense. You see stars behind your eyes as it explodes, as you’re trembling from how hard you’re cumming, breasts heaving, your little hands pulling his hair, as your cunt is soaking Nanami Kento’s handsome face.

He’s moaning, drinking it up, his eyes never leaving yours as he watches you cum, watching you shatter for him. “Yes, darling, that’s it. You’re doing so good.”

Fuck.

Nanami doesn’t stop, even as your hips are bucking and jolting, he continues to lick and suck, his hands squeezing your ass, your thighs, his tongue pushing into you, and you’re sobbing, feeling so full you can’t take it. You’re muttering nonsensically, pulling at him, as he pushes you again.

“Too much, Kento… ah-ah-ah!” You scream again, shaking now, as he slips two fingers inside of you, leaning up, and his lips are a breath away. “K-Kento…”

“You’re beautiful cumming, I knew it. I knew I’d love to watch this pretty face. All flushed for me.” His sultry words wreck you even further, and your hands slide up his shoulders, pulling at him. “Want to taste yourself, your sweetness?”

“Is that… proper…” He chuckles then, kissing you deeply, as his two fingers are pressing up on that spot, stretching your tight entrance out, and you can… hear it, your wetness, making you a blushing mess as you writhe under him. You taste it then, your arousal on his tongue.

“Nothing I’m doing is proper, darling. But… it feels good, doesn’t it?” You nod eagerly, kissing him again, hands trembling as they unbutton his shirt now.

“S’good, Kento… never felt… anything. Like… like… ah!” You scream again, and he’s leaned up, watching you so carefully, desire making his eyes lidded, his lips quirking up as he watches you.

“Hear it, love?” He says softly, and you nod, planting little kisses on his throat. “So wet for me.”

“I can, it’s embarrassing.” He laughs a bit, shaking his head, and you notice how his eyes crinkle in the corner, those dark circles merely enhancing them. You reach a hand up to cup his face now. “You laugh at me, S-Sir?”

“You’re precious. So precious.” He kisses you again, and now you have his shirt off, hands splaying his hard chest, feeling the hot skin, his heart thudding under your palm, then he curls his fingers and your head falls back, hips bucking off the bed. “Can you cum again, love?”

You nod weakly, and he starts sucking on your neck, as your head lolls to the side, tickling you so good, and you feel yourself pulsing around his thick digits now, cumming once more, falling apart under him. Nanami groans, angling his arm to shove them in deeper, making you so full, too full, until you’re desperately clinging to him, your legs shaking as a final orgasm hits.

This one is even more intense, so intense you’re weak, as he’s finally slipping his fingers out, and he is kissing you once more, his weight on you now. Your mind is whirling as you desperately unbutton him now, hand sliding down to touch him, but he stops it, shaking his head now. You pout, looking up at his grin.

“Nanami, let me… do things.” You don’t really know what you’re saying, but his little laugh makes you ache more.

“Do things? Hmm?”

“Indeed, I want to… touch you there.” He has your hand in his, kissing it softly, shaking his head again.

“Not yet, darling, today is about you and your pleasure.” He says, caressing your face, brushing the hair that’s fallen out of it’s coif back softly as he looks at you. “I want to do this for you.”

“I want you. Nanami, please. More.” You beg, arching up, and you feel it then, his hard length between your thighs, he pins you gently to the bed, halting your movements now. You pout again.

“We’ll do more next time. If you wish for another time?”

“If I wish, what do you think?” He laughs again, throwing his head back, and you glare now. “Acting so gentlemanly when you’re a tease, Sir.”

“Indeed, I am a bit, but it’s too fun to tease you, to watch you.” The timer goes off then, and he sighs, sitting up and running a feather light touch down your body once more, down every curve. “You’re so beautiful I can’t put words to it.”

“You really make me feel so pretty.” You whisper brokenly, as emotions hit, and now you are frantic, thinking of how you’ll have to leave. He frowns, leaning you up and brushing your tears away.

“Darling, don’t cry, please. I promise we will do more-”

“S’not that. It’s that… I don’t want to leave.” You say brokenly, and he exhales, bringing you to his chest, holding you gently.

“My lawyer is looking into it for you. Maybe we will find out something?”

“But Nanami, I’ll stop you from being happy, from finding someone, I can’t do that to you. This is selfish, I’m selfish, I’m-”

“Stop that. Stop that now.” He kisses you quiet, pulling you onto his lap, and you ache more and more, as you think of what awaits you, your ‘husband’ fucking women, being cruel, your loneliness. It starts to consume you. “Hey, hey… it’s okay love. You’re not preventing me from anything. I’m just enjoying you.”

“Don’t let me stop you, please?” He sighs then, shaking his head a bit as he strokes your back.

“Calm down, darling… please. I promise you’re not stopping anything, you’re just making my days better.” You sniffle a bit as you smile now. “Let’s get you dressed, you’re shivering. Was this too much?”

“No, I loved it. Promise.” Soon Nanami is dressing you, and you are calmed now, sitting on the settee by the fireplace, as you are nibbling on yummy cookies, and he’s pouring you a little glass of milk. “Oh thank you! These are so good!”

“Worked up an appetite hmm?” He smirks as you blush, nibbling your cookie and moaning at how good it tastes.

“You could say so.” He kisses you softly, and your heart thuds, as your little puppy wakes up now, running up to you both. Nanami picks him up, putting him in his lap then.

“So what’s his name?” You giggle then.

“Satoru.”

Leaving the bliss of Nanami Kento’s warm apartments for the cold, gigantic manor of the Gojo estate makes you shiver. You brace for impact, because you’re sure Satoru is fucking his mistress on something, does the man do anything but fuck you wonder at times. You see him in his study frequently, and he leaves often to go to meetings, but he sure does love to fuck.

Now that you’ve cum so hard your legs are weak, you guess you understand a bit more. Leaving Nanami had taken far too much effort, to feel like someone just wants you so much, like you’re not some burden? That and the man sure knew how to do… things.

You heat up just thinking of it, of how you’d tasted yourself.

You let your dog run now, and he runs right up to Satoru, who is sitting at the dining room table, alone. You pause then, looking around in the quiet dining room now, it’s a beautiful mix of golds and burgundies. Satoru looks as you walk in, his eyes raking down your body now, making you shiver a bit. You clear your throat, taking off your cloak and hanging it up.

“Where have you been?” He asks, and his voice is… different. It’s dark, and husky, and lacks some of the cruelty. You pause a bit.

“Where’s the new Mistress? Has she left already?” You ask, earning a mirthless laugh.

“She’s asleep. You didn’t answer my question. Have a seat.”

“Have a seat?”

“Are you deaf? Sit.” He pulls back a chair, and it grinds against the wood floor in a sound that hurts your ears, a screech, and he pats the seat with his hand.

“All right, if you wish…” You sit down next to him, and he snaps fingers, soon dinner is brought to you. “I’m not hungry, Duke.”

“You never are, are you? Ever since I said that.” He says, and you look to his eyes then, by the candlelight of the room, swirling a dark blue that’s intense to even look at. You sigh, picking up a fork then.

“It did make me watch what I eat in front of you, yes. I am not angry about it though. Just cautious I suppose.” You poke around at your plate, and he’s scowling at you now.

“I shouldn’t have, bloody hell, I already told you I was wrong. Must you torture me so?” He asks hoarsely, and you now look at him in shock.

“How does that torture you? I’m confused, Duke.”

“You’re perfect, and all I do is…” He trails off then, running a hand through his snowy white hair. “Will you just fucking eat!?”

You clear your throat, looking down at your plate now. “As you wish.”

“As I wish.” He scoffs, but you do nibble on the food, chewing it thoughtfully, watching him with growing confusion at his actions. “It’s all - as you wish - dear husband - your grace.”

“What else do you expect? I did truly eat a lot of cookies, so I got a little full though.” You giggle softly, and now he’s glaring right at you, his hazy blue eyes sharp as they bore into you, burning you with a look.

“Cookies, hmm?”

“I baked them in fact.” You sip your water now, sighing and feeling Satoru’s gaze dip to your neck.

“You so shamelessly let a man mark you?” He is leaned forward now, thumb on your throat, and you smack his hand, glaring at him.

“I see your mistress' necks. Hypocritical man.”

“You’re a bloody Duchess, you’re not a common whore.”

“Is that a compliment, Gojo?”

“No. No, it's a bloody warning. You’ll not embarrass me.”

You stand then, throwing down your fork, leaning forward on the table and glaring at him. “You embarrass me daily!”

He stands now as well, throwing down his napkin, leaning forward and looming over you, jaw clenched, blue eyes narrowed to slits. “Is baking cookies what you call fucking?”

You laugh at that, shoulders shaking then, earning his firm grip as he yanks you by your wrist now, and you struggle in his hold. “I did not fuck, yet.”

“Yet!?”

“Mmm… I found out what orgasms are. Oh, Duke, they're quite addictive, aren’t they?” You whisper, stepping closer as you watch his jaw clench so hard a vein pops out, his lips parting then.

“What now?” The Duke bites those words out.

“You don’t just get them from fucking, no… I was… hmm.” You take a bite of the food then, as he’s fuming, licking your lips. “Eaten. That’s the term I believe.”

Satoru sputters now, jaw dropped as his eyebrows lower, and you can’t wipe that satisfied grin off your damn face, even as he smacks at your hand, gripping that wrist now too. “You brag about it, like a little slut.”

“Why not, maybe you’ll like me more, maybe you’ll be a bit less cruel. Today I was told I’m beautiful, today I was treasured. And yes, cumming several times…” You step closer, tilting your head back to look up at him. “I see why you’re always fucking, Duke Gojo. It’s quite the high, cumming. I hear it tastes so good, my pussy.”

“Goddammit.” He yanks you to him then, shoving you on the table, spreading your legs and pulling you against him. You smack him then, right across the face, as your breasts heave with labored breaths, and he’s yanking at your hair.

“Shouldn’t you be happy, Duke? I am so occupied I’ll never come near you. I’ll never cry like that damn night, on the floor, my cheek stinging, my heart destroyed.” Your voice breaks then, and his pretty, cruel face softens for just a moment, as beautiful blue eyes drink you in.

“I bet I could make you cum harder.” He whispers, you laugh at that, earning his bruising grip on your hips.

“I doubt that, I daresay I made such a mess. Quite embarrassing, when I could hear how wet-”

Satoru Gojo slams his lips on yours then, and at first you’re so in shock you just sit there, slack jawed, but then his tongue slips between your lips, and his hands slide around to your back, bringing you against his hard body. As you gasp, his tongue goes further, and then you feel it…

You’re throbbing for him.

Fuck him. Fuck Satoru Gojo.

You bite his lip hard, only making him moan, you bite him so hard you draw blood, pushing on his chest. He’s licking that spot of blood, insane look in his damn psychotic eyes, and you see it. Desire, stark and heavy, as he exhales, gripping you so tightly you can’t breathe. You both just sit there, you both are just breathing, and glaring, and staring…

“Fuck you. I hate you, I hate you so much. You dare kiss me?” You demand then, swiping at your lips with the back of your hand. Satoru laughs, harshly, sliding a hand up your breast, gripping it and eliciting a whimper. You curse yourself for it.

“I hate you, little miss perfect. I hate being near you. I hate everything about you, how you walk, how you look…” He’s yanking your top down, thumb brushing your nipple, and you arch your back. He feels so goddamn good, his other hand slinking up your spine, to pull your hair so hard it pricks your eyes. His lips hover, his eyes lidded as he tells you that he hates you.

“Yes, how I look, so ugly to you. Right?” You yank his shirt then, an expensive shirt in your grip, balled into a damn fist.

“I never fucking said that. I never did. You know you’re not, you’re just a conceited little bitch who wants someone on their knees.” He speaks with vitriol, right against your mouth, and you taste him, and you wish he didn’t taste good, you wish he didn’t feel good.

You wish that kiss wasn’t the most intense thing you’ve felt. You wish there weren’t shocks everywhere, that there wasn’t desire in your gut.

You hate him.

“Having someone on their knees made me cum, so yes, I did fucking enjoy it, Duke Gojo. Having him drink me-” Satoru growls now, hand on your throat, wrapping, thumb on your pulse point, and he’s slamming his lips down again, and you hate yourself for what you do next.

You kiss him back, you’re devouring each other, moaning into each other's mouths, teeth clicking against each other, tongues messy and desperate. It’s not like anything you’ve ever felt,  as he’s ripping off your bodice, tearing it in half. You rip his shirt, as he picks you up, wrapping your legs around his hips, and you pull back to gasp, staring at him, scowling.

“You’ll hurt your back, remember, don’t pick me up.” He slams you on the table, swiping everything on the ground, yanking you by your thighs.

“You don’t hurt my fucking back. You’re stupid. You’re fucking stupid. I wish I never even met you.” You’re sobbing now, and he doesn’t fucking care, does he, no he’s kissing you again, sliding his hands up your thighs, shoving your skirts up.

“I wish I never met you. Arrogant, cruel, stupid. Fucking hate you. Probably covered in your little whore’s cum.” He smacks you now, and you laugh right in his face, kissing him again, before crying out when he’s kissing down your neck, biting you brutally, leaving teeth marks, and your nipples grow taut, as you’re soaking wet.

“I’ll mark you myself, stupid little bitch.” He grunts out, biting you again, so hard you’re blinded by the pain, by the pleasure.

“Ah!” You’re grinding up for more friction, as he’s kissing down your breasts, sucking a nipple into his hot, eager mouth, making you lose every sense you’ve had, you’re consumed by your hatred, by this need. “Thought you never would kiss me, never touch me, don’t start now. Go lick your little Mistress’ cunt.”

“Cunt!? This is how you speak, like a damned common harlot. I don’t lick their cunts, you stupid girl.”

“You’re selfish, I bet you’re a terrible lover.”

“I only do that in a relationship, I have standards.” You scoff, then he’s on his knees, spreading you wide, and you’re shoving at him.

“Well then what the fuck are you doing down there!?”

“I’ll lick you so good you’ll not have a stupid thought in your stupid head about some other man.” Satoru’s big hands rip your pantalets now, and he hungrily stares at your cunt. “Fuck… you’re perfect there too. Fucking hate you. All of you.”

“Wh-what… you don’t lick them… then why me…” He’s huffing, his long fingers bruising now, as he looks up at you, his breath against your inner thigh, glaring at you with hatred.

“You’re so fucking stupid.”

“You are! You won’t get me off at all. Bet you-”

“Ahem… Duke Gojo?” You both turn, breathless, and it’s Satoru’s Mistress. She’s looking at you both with wide eyes, and you feel yourself tear up again, as you realize what you were doing. How could you ever do this with him? He’s probably covered in her, he hates you. He…

“What the fuck are you doing here, can you not see I’m busy?” You blink in confusion, as Satoru scowls at her, and she wrings her hands.

“But you said you only wanted me!” She stomps and pouts then, and you close your legs, shaking and sitting up, your dress torn to pieces. He stops you, his eyes swirling pools of beautiful blue, almost making you forget how much you hate him then, how horrible he is.

How disgusting he is.

“Go on now, don’t disappoint her, Duke.” You whisper, and he grabs your face, squeezing it so tightly, squishing your cheeks.

“Insolent brat. We’re not finished with this conversation.” He hisses through his teeth, and you smack his hand again.

“Go on, you have fucking to do.”

“And you have cumming to do.”

“Not by you!”

“Yes, by me! Damn-”

“Duke Goko…”

“What!?” You both yell at her now, and she looks between you both, running off then, and you shove at Satoru, clinging your clothes to your exposed chest, glaring as he stomps toward you.

“You don’t want me. Remember?” You whisper, and he glares, pulling your hair again, shoving off your tattered dress. “You owe me a new one. Don’t touch me anymore! I don’t want your hands on me. Your mouth on me. I don’t!” You scream, crying again, swiping at your stupid tears.

“I just… I just…”

“I don’t want you. I don’t.” You smack him again, and he yanks you back against him, sliding his fingers up your cunt, and you moan, loud and wanton as he fingers you, and you’re shuddering, as he moans, watching your jaw go slack in pleasure, watching your eyes roll back.

“Don’t want me, Duchess? Fucking soaked.” His hushed words kill you, you’re dripping everywhere, sticky between your thighs, as Satoru consumes you.

“I don’t.” Your voice is so weak, pathetic, as your hips buck up, as he slides so damn deep in your eager cunt. You hate her reaction to him. “Go now, go f-fuck her. I hear you every night and it disgusts me, you disgust me.”

“And you disgust me. Opening your legs for a stranger like a stupid slut. Fuck…” He’s scissoring his fingers inside you now, rough and brutal, and fuck if you don’t want more of it.

You hate him. You hate him. You hate him.

“Good! Good, I’m glad I do. Ah, fuck!” You’re close to cumming then and there, so fucking embarrassing, you yank away, and your mouth drops when he shoves his fingers in his mouth, groaning and shutting his eyes. “Did you just taste me!?

“Yes I did. Jesus christ.” He gets on his knees then, and you gasp, as he buries his face against you.

“Wh-what, what the-”

“I’ll make an exception to taste that.” He moans out, looking up at you, and it takes everything to back away.

“Go practice on her. The only one you want.” You shove at him then, and he is just staring, so heartbreakingly beautiful. “You are cruel. You are evil.”

“I know.” Is all he says, blinking back emotions of his own with snowy white lashes. “Please… let me. Please… stop seeing him.”

“No, you wanted this. You wanted nothing of me. Now you’ll have it.” You turn then, running off and panting, up to your room, slamming the door, sliding down it and struggling to breathe.

You’re awful, how can you want him of all people? How, when you just had Nanami Kento, so sweet and loving, how could you want someone who smacks you, who slams you on tables. How could you ever want him? He doesn’t want you, he just wants to prove he’s so much better. It’s all a game to him, he cares nothing, a kiss changes nothing.

Nothing.

You will never kiss him again, you can’t, not when you…

You’re fully in your night shift soon, sighing as you look at the tattered remnants of your dress, and your throat is so tight you realize you must have coffee. You shakily walk out, passing by his door, and of course it’s cracked open, why wouldn’t it be, he’s so shameless. You see his Mistress clinging to him, and he’s naked, his body chiseled to perfection, bored look on his face.

The kiss meant nothing to him. It should mean even less than nothing to you, shouldn’t it.

“You were going to lick her… would you try that on me, Duke?” She asks then, and you roll your eyes, as you quietly watch, beyond your better judgment. He scoffs then, shoving her to her knees.

“Stop bringing her up. No, I will not, and it’s not your business.”

“It’s because she’s so beautiful…”

“Shut up. Now, you’ll service me, won’t you?” He caresses her cheek, and she nods eagerly, opening her mouth for him then. You tremble as you walk away, then you hear it, him whispering your name.

Did he see you!?

“Duke, why are you calling me that!… You want her!” She then coughs, and Satoru moans loudly, as your heart races, back pressed against the cold walls of the hallway.

“Shut your mouth now.” You palm your racing heart, that can’t be… it can’t be… not after…

You can’t breathe.

You tear yourself away, cursing yourself, cursing your existence, and every step gets heavier, it keeps getting harder and harder to breathe. You hate him, fuck you hate him. As he’s shoving his cock in someone’s mouth, and you’re wet from watching. You hate yourself. You hate your life. How could you, how could you?

Breathe.

As if it’s so simple.

You can not breathe here, it’s slowly sucking you away, and now it’s a million times worse, now you must shove these horrid feelings back, forget the way that stupid, cruel Duke makes you feel. The way his eyes looked when he begged you to stop seeing Nanami. But you won’t give in, you won’t fall for it, for whatever game he plays, you’ll play right back.

But one thing is certain, him whispering your name did wicked things, things you can’t even understand. Why did he? Why!?

Why can’t he let you have any happiness?

Breathe. How, when Satoru Gojo was suffocating you?

A/N: WELL THEN. It's just gonna get angstier and messier from here. Don't worry, reader isn't gonna stop seeing Mr. Nanami, and we're far from Gojo/reader having any sort of relationship. Stupid Duke. Also yes, deformed bunny, I HAD to

Part Five

[sully-s]

Open in a different window to zoom in. So this is just a deep dive behind all the stuff I put in my last post I rolled back my picture before I did all the lighting and color changes to make certain details more visible. Fun fact I almost scrapped this whole picture at this stage because A. I was just burned out; this piece took me forever. B. As I kept getting more and more "neat" ideas to stuff in, I lost any real focal point, especially with the color scheme. After hours of trying to fix it in PS and failing, I was about to give up. I was like fuck it make it a night scene. Let me tell you all a world of lighting makes lol.

Anyways, enough about my struggles, let me give you the tour.

I love the idea that this corkboard was originally Phoenix's mood board in the beginning it just had his childhood pics from like the yearbook and that one time Larry got a polaroid camera. Then, a new year clipping about Edgeworth being Demon Prosecutor which led Phoenix to make his thesis about court drawings just so he could watch and see with his two eyes how much Edgeworth changed. - Then, later, he added Mia because she was his mentor. then Vinny (from the movie "My Cousin on Vinny") because like Vinny, Phoenix never understands court procedure but has very good instincts; and last Elle Woods who also went to law school for a boy basically his spirit lawyer lol. - Later, after Maya joined, she thought it would be funny to replace Phoenix's real reason to Steel Samurai. Also, it was fun because Will Powers was their client, so he should be their reason. Phoenix let them stay because it made Maya happy, and Phoenix knew that with Mia's death, she needed it. - I was going to add a sticky note from Miles that he approved, but I do like that Miles will never admit out loud or in writing that he enjoys the show. - A year later, Pearls tries to replace all the Steel Samurais with her drawings of Maya. Which Phoenix encouraged her to make during Maya's disappearance because facts. - Tid Bit: I was sad to cover up Will Powers' signature I really liked how it came out

Moving away from the mood board idea, I like that the cork board just became Phoenix's catch all. So his Law Degree which isn't the original it's just a sad printed-out version of what should've been his fancy embossed one. I like the idea that Phoenix never went to graduation. (Can't be bothered he's on a mission to save his childhood bff.)

Lastly are postcards from Edgeworth, his way of making up for all the years he couldn't write back to young Phoenix. - Also, this picture takes place some time after the 3rd game but before the disbarment.

Calendar whiteboard that I forgot to add the last row too so I guess in Japaniforina the months are only 25 days long.

I spent a frustrating amount of time trying to figure out the logistics of this paper trail. It really doesn't need to make sense It just has to make the room messier. - You can imagine Phoenix is looking over phone records or court stenographer's record.

So Edgeworth is a nerd; we all know this. But it annoys me just a tad that his nerd-isum is always just Steel Samurai (like I get it, it's canon), but all geeks have many fandom loves, okay. - So I just love the idea that Phoenix and Edgeworth (who are in a relationship at the time of this pic ) watch Better Call Saul, and they both bought each other a little plushie of the character they joke is them. -Edgeworth bought Saul for Phoenix (because of Saul's heart, not because he does shady practices), And Phoenix bought Kim (because she a really good lawyer who seems cold and is a workaholic who would break the rules for their Saul (used phoenix's badge in the third game )) - They keep each other's plushies in their offices, and if one of them stops by when the other isn't in, they put a sticky note on it. - Which we can see that Phoenix did need reminding because, as you can see, the date is 18th, and no mention of a dinner ;)

7. Now the whole reason I drew this picture was too show off my headcanon that Phoenix has a Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law action figure that you know Gumshoe got him after Edgeworth vs. State happen because of Polly. And we all know that man would be a fan of old Hanabara cartoons. - I've loved this stupid tid-bit of a headcanon that it's been haunting me for years. That's it; that's all I really wanted to say with this piece, and look where it got

[uzurakis]

hello!

Can we have JJK guys reaction to his friend/buddy being in love with his girlfriend? (can sukuna and other any other characters you like).

THEIR FRIEND ALSO . . . LIKES YOU?!

featuring: ryomen sukuna. gojo satoru. itadori yuuji. fushiguro megumi.

n. hey sweetheart, i’m not used to writing sukuna, but i tried to write him as him as much as i can! i hope it suits him. thankies for the req x—x

GOJO SATORU. when gojo found out that his friend also liked you, his reaction was, unsurprisingly, far from what most people would expect. instead of anger or jealousy, he simply shrugged it off, his trademark smile playing on his lips.

“did you hear what i just said?” you asked, looking at him with wide eyes, he wasn’t fazed. “your friend likes me.”

gojo laughed, waving a hand dismissively. “oh, i heard you,” he replied, leaning back against the couch with an amused glint behind those glasses. “but why should i be worried? i know you’ll choose me at the end of the day.”

you blinked, taken aback by his confidence. “you’re not even a little bit concerned?”

“not at all,” gojo said, grinning. “i mean, can you blame them? you’re everything. but they don’t stand a chance against me, darling.”

“besides, it’s not like i don’t trust you. i know you love me.”

his words were playful, but because you know him well, he was serious. it was just the way he expressed it. “you’re right,” you admitted, tracing figures on his hands. “i do love you.”

“see? nothing to worry about. let him have their crush. it doesn’t change anything between us. if anything, it’s flattering. just proves i have excellent taste.”

RYOMEN SUKUNA. being in a relationship with sukuna meant navigating his unpredictable moods and overwhelming presence, but you had never seen him this angry before. the air seemed to crackle with his frustration as he paced back and forth, his eyes blazing with a fury that sent chills down your spine.

“babe,” you began, trying to calm him down. “what’s wrong?”

he stopped pacing and looked at you, his expression dark. “fucking jerk, it’s that so-called ‘friend’ of mine,” words spat out immediately. “i found out he likes you.”

your heart skipped a beat. you had noticed the way his friend had been acting lately, but you hadn’t thought much of it. now, seeing sukuna’s reaction, you realized just how serious this was.

“ryo,” you said softly, stepping closer to him. “i chose you from the start, right?”

he growled, his hands clenching into fists. “i don’t care about that. he should have known better. he should have known that you’re mine.”

sukuna lined up his hand on your chin, causing your eyes to meet. “if he comes near you, he’ll face my wrath,” he whispered, his tone still laced with menace. “no one threatens what’s mine.”

“especially my woman.”

ITADORI YUUJI. you told him about his friend’s feelings while you both were sitting inside your cozy room. itadori’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but then he leaned back in his chair, processing the information.

“wow,” he said softly, scratching the back of his head, those pink locks becoming messier. “i didn’t see that coming.”

bitting your lower lip, you’re worried about how he might take the news. “you’re not mad, aren’t you?”

but your boyfriend shook his head, full of understanding. “no, i’m not mad, baby. feelings are complicated, y’know? it’s not like he can control how he feels.”

you sighed in relief, appreciating his maturity. “okay... i was just worried about how you’d react.”

“baby, i trust you, and i trust our relationship. besides, i’m kind of curious now. like, since when did he start liking you? how did i miss that?”

feeling the tension ease out of the situation, you chuckled at him. his obliviousness always gets in the way. “don’t know the exact moment, but i guess it’s been a while.”

“hmm,” the guy leaned forward, resting his chin on his free hand. “did he ever try to tell you or make a move?”

you shook your head. “no, i guess he didn’t. i think he knew about us and didn’t want to cause any trouble.” after your statement, a thoughtful expression was written on his face. “that must have been tough for him. i mean, having feelings for someone who’s already in a relationship.”

“it probably was,” you agreed. “but i’m glad you’re handling this so well.”

“hey, anyone would be lucky to have you. i just got there first.”

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI. he took a deep breath, deciding to be honest. after fushiguro found out that his friend liked you, it hit him harder than he wanted to admit. the knowledge gnawed at him, and although he tried to brush it off, doubts began to creep in, making him question his own worth and your relationship. “i found out that one of my friends likes you.”

“really? who?” you blinked in surprise, not expecting that. he named the friend, and you frowned, thinking back on any interactions you might have had. “i had no idea…”

fushiguro nodded, but his eyes avoiding yours. “i didn’t either. it just… fuck, it bothers me.”

“i guess it makes me question things. like, am i good enough for you? do you have feelings for him too? those sorta things..”

your hands immediately caressed his by instinct, seeing him like this made your heart ache. “baby, you’re enough for me. i don’t have any feelings for them. i’m with you until the end.”

the man looked down for a long while, his grip on your hand tightening. “but what if i’m not enough? what if there’s something lacking in our relationship that makes you look elsewhere?”

“there’s nothing lacking, megumi. i’m happy with you. and i love you just the way you are.” you shook your head, cupping his face with your free hand.

after that he leaned into your touch, closing his eyes briefly. “i don’t want to that jealous boyfriend but i can’t help it. the thought of losing you to someone else…”

“you’re not going to lose me,” you interrupted softly. “i’m here with you, and that’s not going to change. fushiguro then opened his eyes, searching for reassurance in yours, before closing them again. a little, relieved smile tugged on the edges of his lips. “i love you. i’m sorry for doubting us.”

@uzurakis

[cherrycranes]

Pervert (John x Fem!Reader) [+18]

Pairing: John (Intermission) x female reader Summary: Your best friend John hates seeing you go out with other men but not with him... Guess he'll have to console himself with your used panties... Word count: 2,098 Contents: (Minors DNI) Panty-stealing, pervert John, best friend John with an unrequited crush on reader, incelish John, spit, panty-smelling, panty-licking, panty-sucking, male masturbation. Author's notes: What? Cherry can write fics by herself???? Rare, I know, but I got possessed by this one. i know this one wasn't on the schedule but dw, my bestie and I are still cooking the promised collabs, so stay tuned for more ;).

For the love of God, somebody please help poor, stupid, desperate John. He was not a catch, or charming; he was good-looking but it was not enough. He couldn’t even win the girl he liked over.

Fundamentally, he was fucked. But actually, he was as celibate as a nun.

It stung. You were so pretty but you always went for some other random guys when John was right there. Quite literally, as he sat on your living room couch drinking a beer and barely watching the movie you had put on. For now, he was your friend. A best friend, to add more salt to the wound. A guy you watched movies with, talked about your problems with and always found out first about your one-night stands and shitty situationships with other men.  

It drove him nuts. 

You sat comfortably on the other end of the couch, watching Pretty Woman for the hundredth time in your life, already too immersed in the plot to even notice John getting up. He headed to your bathroom, already familiarized with your house. 

In about an hour, your latest scumbag would come to pick you up and take you to a most likely disappointing date. John scoffed quietly at the thought, pretending for a moment that he was pissing on that fucker instead of your toilet. What did you even see in him? He had heard rumors of that guy, how he had cheated on his last girlfriend with another ex he had ALSO cheated on. It was messy. And the talent you possessed to always pick the worst fucking guys? EVEN MESSIER.

With a sigh, he zipped up his jeans and flushed the thoughts about that guy away. Why did he even bother? You loved scumbags. And yes, John was not exactly Prince Charming, but he wasn’t serially cheating on every woman in town. And that wasn’t enough for your poor taste in men.

He was willing to let that go. To swallow his jealousy like always and watch you get into the douche’s car to go get plowed while he slept alone in his flat. But the more he tried to forget about it, the more it beckoned him to do something. Ideas of renting a porn film or just going out to a pub to drink himself into numbness popped into his head as he stepped out of the bathroom when suddenly, a brightly colored piece of fabric caught his attention from the corner of his eye.

Standing out shamelessly at the top of your hamper like a cheeky little cherry, was a sexy pair of red panties. Your used red panties. 

Oh, this was evil. He wouldn’t. He shouldn’t! Even though he pined for you, he did not want to be an absolute creep. But, God forgive him, it drew him. It called for him…

Maybe… If you didn’t notice… It wouldn’t be so bad… You wouldn’t miss one pair…

Quickly, like the thief he had been in the past, he swiped the red fabric and shoved it down his pocket, he then went back to the living room with you, pretending to not feel guilt.

The minutes ticked by in slow motion, the red fabric of your underwear felt red hot and scorching in his pocket. The knowledge that you were there, right next to him, completely clueless and unaware of the perversion he was doing sent both strikes of adrenaline and arousal through him. Fuck, if this didn’t turn him on…

John shifted a little on the couch, trying to hide his growing hard-on and pretending to pay attention to the movie until your douchebag of the month knocked on your door and it was time to leave. 

What a fucking ass, John thought as his eyes raked once over your date, the gut feeling the guy gave him nearly making him sick. John could already picture you crying on his shoulder once again when this son of a bitch wronged you, but alas, it was your choice. 

John neutrally said goodbye to you and walked away, heart pounding madly in his chest with every step he took. It felt like he had a bright neon sign pointing toward his back pocket where your stolen panties hid. Look, look what your supposed best friend is doing, see how perverted and gross he is, his remains of guilt yelled inside his head. The fear of being caught and cut off from your life for doing this weighed heavier than morality itself. Yet, he quite liked it. 

He acted naturally, as much as he could, trying to not think much about the stupid chit-chat you were having with your new bloke. He didn’t deserve you, it was clear from just hearing you two talk. John kept going, his palms sweating, praying you would not notice what he stole from you.

When he heard you two get into the douchebag’s car and drive off John felt a rush of triumph, your panties had been successfully taken and you were none the wiser. His pulse still raced until he was finally home, locked in his flat and safe from anybody’s gaze.

“Shit…” John exclaimed, his hands shaky from the adrenaline. He reached towards his back pocket and sighed in delight when he felt your undies' soft fabric and lace. Like a kid with a brand-new toy, he yanked it out and filled his curious gaze with it. 

They were red, sexy but comfortable, with lace around the edges, and, to John’s depraved fascination, they were damp on the crotch area. Probably your discharge or, he dared to indulge, your arousal?... God, it better be. It was still quite fresh, you definitely had changed underwear right before he went to your place.

He pictured you during that morning, laying in bed, only wearing these and nothing else, dampening them from just how needy you were. He saw visions of your fingers rubbing over the fabric just to tease yourself, little moans spilling from your lips, and, since this was his fantasy, moaning out his name, of course. 

John couldn’t even wait to take this to his bedroom, he sat on his couch, inspecting your panties as he decided what to do with them. It was a world of possibilities…

First things first, he was curious. And like a curious animal, he needed to smell first… He put the garment closer to his nose and took a tentative whiff, groaning at your scent: heady, feminine, mouthwatering… 

He swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath this time, pressing the tip of his nose against the still-wet patch and closing his eyes in adoration. Oh, your pussy smelled so good. 

Slowly, imagining this was your cunt, he let his warm tongue out and moaned when the tip touched the damp fabric. He tasted you, licked you, something so intimate and private now dancing on his taste buds. His palm held the crotch area of your panties like a canvas, allowing him to paint every single inch with his spit. He moaned again. If you ever found out he did this he would be fried. 

With lust, greed, and gluttony, he shoved your underwear in his mouth, muffling out his groan of pleasure. His saliva combined with your fluids, dampened the fabric further. He sucked on it like a tit, milking your flavor out deliciously and swallowing with need. 

It was heaven, sinful, debauched heaven where the possibility of devouring your sweet little cunt was at arm’s length. John’s mouth sucked and juiced every drop of your essence, his cock throbbing insistently in his jeans.

A hand fumbled its way to his zipper, reaching in to take out his dick. The tip was red and sensitive already, dripping with precum. Your panties in his mouth functioned like a gag as he palmed his cock, muffling out his groans and whimpers, when another perverted idea flashed through his mind and turned into a desperate need.

John pulled your underwear out of his mouth, swallowing all the spit that had gathered in there, and without shame, he plastered the wet, red fabric on his right hand and wrapped it around his aching dick. 

Lubricated by his spit and whatever was left of your fluids and beautifully hugged by your damp panties, John started to masturbate, the thrill of taboo pumping in his veins and making him twitch in his hand. 

“Fuck…” He groaned, thinking of you. You were too fucking pretty for all those fuckers. He knew that well. You had such a beautiful face, and a body that he died to caress, grab, and squeeze with those big greedy hands of his. 

His living room echoed with the slapping sounds of him pumping his cock, now fueled by images of your cleavage. He wondered everything. What color were your nipples? How fast would they harden once he latched his mouth on them? How would you react if he pinched and twisted them? Oh, he moaned from the idea, beating it faster.

With his mind rushing, he immediately jumped onto the next train of thought: what would it be like to fuck you? He saw you, laying naked, legs spread open, your dripping pussy offered up to him like a banquet. He would go insane if he ever had it in front of him. What he had just done to your panties was nothing in comparison to the things his hungry mouth would do to your cunt. He would devour, slurp, suck, stretch, and tongue-fuck the slut out of you, make you so addicted to his touch that you would never feel the need to date shitty men ever again. Make you so addicted that you finally see he is the only one for you.

He groaned in pure, devoted pleasure, purposefully smearing the tip of his dick all over your panties, trying to mark his territory in a way. 

You were meant to be his. You had to be his. His balls tightened from the need to make you his own. He beat it faster, madder, gripping your undies around his cock tightly and imagining it was your pussy surrounding him. John would give up anything just to be buried deep inside you, fuck you hard and fast into the mattress until all you could do was drool and babble his name. 

“Fuck!” John cried out, the image did it for him. He kept pumping himself fast as spurts of cum stained your crumpled-up panties, serving as the perfect cum rag. He worked himself through it, still yearning for your tits, ass, and cunt until his entire load smeared all over your undies. 

John kept it there, refusing to let go of something so you. His chest rose and fell with each heavy breath he took, and, for a moment, he felt you, all of you, surrounding not only his spent cock but also his entire being. He truly, deeply yearned to feel this forever, with you involved and reciprocating.

Finally, he detached your panties from his cock and used them to wipe off any excess cum. He would have to wash them and dry them as soon as possible, go visit you first thing tomorrow, and discreetly place them back in your hamper. He felt confident in pulling it. If he was able to take them easily…

That night John slept like a baby, dreams of you taking over as your panties hung to dry in his bedroom. In the morning he called you, just to casually ask you if he could go to your place to hang out. As soon as you said yes he got ready, shoving your panties in his pocket once again 

The same rush of adrenaline from yesterday pumped in his veins as he entered your front door, seeing your face again after such a perverted night sending shame, guilt, and desire all in one through him. How was he able to sit on your couch and talk with you as your stolen, defiled panties hid in his back pocket? How could he still consider himself your best friend when he was such a pervert?

He made time to not look suspicious, having to sit through the details of your own activities last night. Your date with the asshole went well but he didn’t want to know that. After an understandable and very normal time, he excused himself to the bathroom to finally return what he had taken, but it was that simple action that reminded you of something…

“Oh! John, by the way… By any chance did you take something from my bathroom yesterday?”

A little pinterest board made by me inspired by this lol

[pomegranateshrimp]

hi!!! How are you? Could i request a James Wilson x reader were she’s at the hospital working with children (and we all know that james has a breeding kink) so like he sees her being caring with the children and gets turned on

Hi!! Tysm for being my first request, I’ve been a lil busy so this is coming out a little late I’m sorry 🩷🩷 I hope you like it!!!

A/N: (Sorry if this is too short!!) Do hospitals have play rooms for kids? They do now! Also do heads of pediatrics have time to play with kids? They do now!

CW: public sex, p in v, breeding (obviously), pet name baby

⚕️You’re going to make such a good mom.

James Wilson X Fem!Reader Smutshot

———————————————————

You were head of the pediatric wing and married to your beautiful, amazing, lovely husband, James Wilson. He would always stop by your office to give you gifts and small kisses. The job could get stressful at times, and he just wanted to make sure it never got to be too hard on you. You didn’t take it for granted either, returning every kiss he gave you and repaying him for the little gifts he got you after work. Today though, he couldn’t wait.

You were working with one of the children you had been treating for the past few days, nothing too bad fortunately, he was diagnosed with diabetes. Both of you lay down in the play room as the little boy made car noises with his mouth. “Zoom!” he hummed as a hot wheel jetted across the room. Wilson was looking for you to give you your usual afternoon kisses, and because he had a particularly hard case that he wanted to talk to you about. It was really weighing on him it seemed. When he couldn’t find you in your office, he assumed you would be in the play room with one of the patients. He hadn’t often found you here, and when he did he looked at you with such adoration, but this time he looked at you with something else as he peered through the glass door of the play room. Lust. James knew he wanted kids and he knew you were the one that he’d have them with. You were so good with them after all, and he knew that, but seeing you care for kids made him hard. He wanted that so badly. He wanted to see you make his kid laugh and smile with you; and he wanted it now.

You noticed your husband peering at you through the glass, and you gave the kid the toy car you were playing with and told him you’d be right back, along with the nurse who supervised the play room as well. You pushed open the door and stood across from James.

“Hey baby I—“

Your sentence was quickly cut off by a kiss planted on your mouth. But this kiss wasn’t like how it was any other day, this kiss was needy. Hungry. He didn’t want to wait for you to finish your sentence he just wanted to fill you with his seed right now. You were still in the hospital corridor and you pulled away.

“James, can you wait until we get home?” When the kiss was sloppier, messier, hungrier, you knew he wanted more, and you weren’t sure that you could give him that in the middle of the hospital. He wasn’t happy with you pulling away, he needed you right now. He took your hand and dragged you into a corner of the hospital no one went to. The thought of being caught was still in your mind, but at this point both you and james were turned on beyond belief. He always knew what to do to get you horny.

“No.” He hissed, and you weren’t used to him speaking to you like this, but fuck you could adjust. He titled your head to the side and started marking you up, planting deep kisses on your neck as his hands wandered on your waist, he sat down on a nearby chair and pulled you into his lap. With the case he was working on now, he needed a distraction, and you were just that. “You’re so good..” he moaned onto your neck, sending vibrations down your spine, earning him a small moan back from you.

“James…” your hands found themselves moving up into his hair. His hands found themselves moving down towards your panties. He looked up at you with glimmering eyes, “Can I?” He asked. Despite your previous worries you nodded eagerly at him and a small smirk appeared on his face as he tugged your underwear to the side. Quickly, he fumbled with the zipper of his jeans and pulled down the waistband to his boxers. His boner sprang to his stomach and he made haste in getting himself inside of you. That was his goal. You’re off the pill, you’re ovulating, and you’re ready to be pumped full of his hot, sticky, cum.

“I think we should have kids.” He says dominantly and you nod in agreement, not wasting any time. Even though you were okay with it, and he knew, he always made sure you were accepting before he did anything.

You moan out as he pushes himself inside of you, without much warning. He covers your mouth with his hand for only a second, reminding you where you both were. The thrusts that were usually so slow and soft and patient were now eager, fast, and yearning.

His cock stretched your cunt and you tightened around him, earning small grunts in return.

“You’re gonna look so fucking gorgeous when I cum inside of you.”

Even with his already fast pace it somehow quickened, earning more muffled moans from you and heavy breaths from him. He added his thumb to your clit, circling as he thrusted, wanting to make sure you were feeling just as good as he did. In the middle of the hospital, on his lunch break, he was going to make sure your walls were painted white with his cum.

“Fuck James, you feel so fucking good.”

You clenched on him and felt a familiar knot in your stomach tighten, and he knew you were close. You both were about to finish at the same time, his throbbing cock begging to cum inside of you already.

“I’m gonna—“

“Me too baby.”

Your back arches and your legs shake; you crash into James’ shoulder and after a few minutes of heavy breathing he pulls your soaked panties back up to you and plants a small kiss to your forehead. “You’re going to make such a good mom, I know it.”

You just had to hope your kids didn’t ask how it happened in the future.

[theosang3ls]

One step away

part 1 ; part 2

pairing: Theodore Nott x Muggleborn!Reader

summary: After your painful and unexpected break up with Theo, he comes in your dorm drunk making your life even messier than before.

warnings: angst, crying, mentions of break up, mentions of death, Theo is under the influence of alcohol.

author’s note: excuse any grammatical errors English isn’t my first language. Also it’s my first time posting something I’ve written so please thread lightly. Hope you’ll enjoy!

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

You stood there as Theo, your ex, had drunkenly entered your dorm, leaving no room for you to argue. And you just, you stood there, unable to form a simple sentence, as simple as to tell him to leave. Because deep down you wanted him to be right here, to look at you the way he used to before he shattered your world completely with his hurtful words.

I don't love you anymore, it rang in your mind.

I don't love you anymore, that sentence repeated itself for a month now, leaving you paralyzed, unable to get going with your day, to even get out of bed. One thing you could not figure out was why did he barge in your room tonight? Why did he bang on your door repeatedly calling out for you?

Silence lingered in your room for what felt like an eternity, you stood idle, infront of your door, guarding it as if you wanted to make sure he wouldn't leave you, not like he left you in the astronomy tower only four weeks ago.

I don't love you anymore, the words invaded your mind, violated your every thought, your very being. Just before you could drown in your own thoughts Theo exclaimed loudly, "I missed you, cara" his intoxicated state was displayed clear as day, a sheepish smile tugging on his usual emotionless, expressionless face.

Cara that nickname ringed in your ears, your vision hazy, you couldn't move, you couldn't speak. You stood there, defeated. He used to call you that all the time, you loved it, loved how special it was, how he was the only one he could ever call you that, how that nickname made you think of him every single time you heard it.

Theo moved in your dorm with a painful familiarity, like you were still together, like he still loved you. "Come on darling" he slurred his words, the Italian accent rolling off his tongue with such ease, it was painful not to cave into his charming ways.  He opened his arms, waiting for you to accept his embrace and for the first time in what felt like forever, you moved, even though it was the slightest, you moved. You raised your eyebrow at him, confusion taking the best of you, why was he acting like nothing ever happened? Like he still loved you? You thought, tears threatening to fall off your eyes.

"What are you doing?" you managed to whisper, embarrassment, rage, fear, insecurity and confusion clawing at your chest all together as you watched him smile at you with ease. It was easy to love you, to call you baby names, to fool you with his sweet talk, because you would always come back. You both knew it, knew that every chance you got, you would run into his arms smiling. Not this time. This time he hurt you, shattered you, stole a piece of your soul that was irreplaceable, and you hated him for that.

“I just want to talk.” His voice was smooth, almost too casual, but the grin that stretched across his face made your stomach twist. That grin—wide, toothy, almost unfamiliar—was something you had rarely seen when you were together. And now, here it was, appearing as if he hadn’t left you in ruins.

A sharp, bitter chuckle escaped your lips, your breath shaky with restrained fury. “Talk?” You echoed, the word tasting like venom on your tongue. Anger burned through you, searing hotter than any lingering sorrow. “I begged you,” your voice wavered despite the iron grip you had on your emotions. “I begged you to talk to me when you left. I cried. I cried for a single explanation.” Your hands clenched into trembling fists at your sides, fingernails digging into your palms as you fought to keep yourself steady, to keep from shattering completely.

“And now you,” your breath hitched as you stepped even closer, mere inches from him now. The space between you crackled with unspoken words, unfinished pain. “Now you want to talk?” Your voice cracked, betraying you, breaking—just like he had broken you.

With a sudden, sharp motion, you threw your arms into the air, frustration spilling over. “You never wanted to talk!” The words hit the air like gunfire, loud, raw, uncontrollable. “So tell me, what changed?” A bitter smile curled on your lips, your voice laced with a mockery that barely masked the agony beneath.

Theo stood frozen, feet planted on the floor beside your bed. You could see it now—the alcohol-induced haze in his eyes clearing, the realization of your words cutting through whatever drunken courage had led him here.

A dry, humorless laugh bubbled up from your chest as you began pacing, hands trembling at your sides, emotions clawing against the walls you’d built to contain them. Your vision blurred, your unshed tears glistening like glass shards threatening to fall.

“I’ll tell you what happened.” The words were venomous, dripping with the anger you had swallowed for too long. “You’re lonely. You need a quick fuck, don’t you? Or maybe,” you turned to face him fully, your gaze burning into him, “you just haven’t found a good enough replacement for me yet.”

The air was knocked from Theo’s lungs. He didn’t speak, didn’t move. For a moment, the air stilled, silence lingered through the walls as your venomous words echoed in his mind.

It was like someone had slapped him across the face.

His expression, once so sure of itself, crumbled as he watched the tears you had fought so hard to hold back finally spill over, streaking your cheeks, soaking into your shirt. But you didn’t wipe them away. You stood there, tall, unwavering, as if they didn’t exist—because to you, they didn’t.

His heart shattered at your trembling voice, every tear that was falling broke him even more, he couldn't stand seeing you cry, let alone because of him. That was the sole reason he left you at the astronomy tower the night he broke up with you, he knew that if he stayed to see you break into a million pieces he would let his guard down, get you in his arm and tell you how everything was a lie. And it was, it was a lie, but if lying meant protecting you, the only light in his life, he was willing to lie for you, to you, a million times, to keep you safe from the darkness that had captured him whole.

I don't love you anymore, he remembers, and he wishes every night he couldn't, he wishes to have obliviated the both of you at that very moment, forget about each other's existence and what you had, but he was selfish, he couldn't forget the one thing in his life that kept him from collapsing, that kept him from losing his sanity completely. He always knew that his love was not enough for you, you were filled with love at the very brim of your being, you shone like a diamond and smiled at the hardest times. That smile kept him going. It was a reminder that life was worth living, because he could see the shine your eyes radiated every time you smiled. It was hope, that's what he told himself that shine was, hope that he was capable of changing, of loving, of being loved.

When his father learned about his relationship with you, a muggleborn, his words cut deep like a dagger, like they always do; "I’ll have to report this to the Dark Lord, you know what that means for the both of you, son. So do yourself a favour and end this madness with that mudblood” he threatened with an unemotional yet powerful statement as his eyes darkened. Hearing those words made Theo, for the first time since his childhood, collect tears at the corners of his eyes. As selfish as he might be, he couldn't bare living a life where your death was caused by your relationship. Theo knew his father wasn't kidding. He was an avid supporter of Voldemort, everything he said was like a gospel to him and if he said that death is the only thing that Muggleborns deserve, then that’s what he supported.

Heartbroken he had asked you to meet him at the astronomy tower. Never have you expected him to tell you that he doesn't love you anymore, to tell you he needs to break up with you.

Theo wanted to protect you from the darkness he had to live through, but what he did was push you into the abyss of your own darkness, one that no one, not even him, knew about. His words cut deep like a dagger, they left you paralyzed, wounded for life. Eating was pointless, attending classes lead to nowhere, talking to your friends felt like a chore, so you cut everyone, everything off. And slowly, you lost yourself into the darkest pit of your soul,  the place where your love for Theo was once placed, and now—that very piece—he carries it into his hands after violently taking it away from you.

“I’m sorry” his voice barely a whisper, you didn’t dare to look at him, didn’t want to, but if you, for one second turned to see his gaze you would be able to see the regret, the pain visible in his eyes.

Instead you let a mocking chuckle, “Oh now you’re sorry?” you started, amused at his apology, “you didn’t seem so sorry when you left me all alone in the astronomy tower! Crying all by myself!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. “I really wanted to give this —us— a chance, I thought that it could work out” another humourless chuckle escaped your lips, “always an optimistic fool” you mumbled loud enough for Theo to hear you. “You never tried for us! You made me feel worthless at times, disgusting even, and you didn’t even notice Theo! You didn’t even notice!” it was the first time in a month he heard his name come out of your lips, but this time it wasn’t full of love and affection but full of rage and disgust, it was like for the first he could sense the damage he did to you and he hated himself more than ever for that.

“You always kept your distance” you took a shaky breath, collecting your emotions that spilled away from your soul every time you talked, “I could see it, I could see it in the way you would school your expression every time I made a joke, like smiling was fatal,” his heart broke at your words, every single one twisting the dagger deeper in his heart, “You avoided me at times like I was contagious, something you were embarrassed about. You never looked me in the eyes for more than a few seconds.” your lips quivered as you frantically moved your eyes around the room as if you were searching for the courage to face him somewhere in your belongings. Every single word that you mouthed was raw, painfully raw, the slight vibrato in your voice, the way you choked up a sob every time you finished a sentence, it made him want to pull you into his arms and kiss your tears away, but he didn’t, it wasn’t his place anymore and that’s what made him sick to his stomach, that you weren’t his anymore, that he is the reason you’re trembling in agony.

“You were always one step away from me, to understand you, to love you, the real you, you were always too far away from me to see you for who you really are. However much you tried to make it seem like this is the real you, I always knew there was something else, something raw and beautiful underneath this emotionless and reserved exterior. I knew it every time you let your guard down for one second too long and you let your teeth shine in the sunlight while smiling, every time you would hold my hand so gently yet so firmly like I was the most important thing in your life, every time you kissed me in a way I only read in books about.” you took a sharp breath, this was your chance to let everything out, you wanted to do nothing more than scream at his face and show him how you felt, a fragment of it at least.

“You made me believe” you caught Theo’s gaze in yours, you couldn’t seem to care about the tears that accumulated in his eyes, your eyes overflowed with rage-full tears. “You made me believe you loved me. But now I know, I know you never did, because tell me Theo, who stops loving someone like you did? One day you’re proclaiming how much you love me in between kisses and the next you don’t love me anymore? You never loved me.” the last sentence came out nearly as a whisper, a realisation you had made in the past but stating it out loud made you understand the weight of those words. He never loved you. That was the only truth. The hurt from your own words overpowered your anger. New tears brimmed your eyes followed by heavy sobs that echoed through the stoned walls and into Theo’s ears.

He stood idle as your sobs grew louder his ears rang, his thoughts hazy just like his vision, he felt like the ground beneath him had collapsed.

You never loved me, those words nearly made his knees buckle, his hands to come in contact with his head inside of which so many thoughts sprinted around, unable to shut them down, it felt hard to breathe.

And into the frustration and desperation his mouth moved before his mind could comprehend the words coming out of it, “I’ll always love you” a whisper, so quiet that if for that moment your sobs hadn’t grown silent you would have never heard it.

And that’s when you broke, completely broke, “no” you shook your head denying the words you just heard, enough of this madness.

“You can’t do this Theo. Leave.” and a small part of you wanted Theo to protest against your wishes, disregard what you asked him to do and explain what exactly I will always love you was suppose to mean, but he did what you asked him to, lowered his head and walked out of your dorm quickly.

You stood there, staring at the door long after it had closed behind him, your heart pounding so loudly it drowned out the silence of the room. A part of you wanted to chase after him, to call his name and demand the answers he left unspoken. But your feet stayed rooted in place, hands trembling as you exhaled a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

Theo had always been stubborn, always fought for the things he wanted. And yet, this time, he had listened. He had left.

And somehow, that hurt more than anything.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

A/N: I kind of broke my own heart writing this lol. If it wasn’t for @illbegottenfaith I would’ve never posted this, thank you so much girl for your support!💕

Hope you liked this!

Let me know your thoughts on it💌

¡Reblogs and likes are highly appreciated!

masterlist

…Until next time lovelies💋

[hoe4sports]

Double trouble

Alexia Putellas x reader

Summary: Your twins needs new cleats and alexia learns about the increase in cost of living.

Dinner was soon to be ready, just in time to eat before your twin girls had football practice. They were both on the Barcelona u15’s team, and somehow both of them had a talent. “Mamma!” Your eldest daughter yelled from the down stairs laundry room causing you to mentally sight. She was the messier of the twins; she would probably lose her head if it wasn’t stuck to her body. “Si, mi amor” you said as you walked towards the laundry room. “Mamma, they don’t fit anymore!” She cried as she threw the left cleat towards the corner of the room. “Que? The new one? The pair you got a few months ago, si?” You said as you touched her back to comfort her. “Si, mamma..” she said as she frowned. The girls were definitely in a growth spurt. ���Let’s see, Hermosa” you said as you opened up the laces of the shoes and bent down to help her try it on. “AUCH, my toe! It hurts mamma!” She protested as you got the shoe on. She had a talent of being dramatic, as if she belonged on a Spanish telenovela. “Wiggle your toes” you commanded as she sighted and wiggled her toes. It was clear as day, she needed new cleats again. “Alright, Mami is gonna be home any minute now. Let’s all eat and then go to pick up some new ones, si? It’s important that they make you feel comfortable. Go grab your sister and help me set the table, por favor” you said as you stood up and reached your hand out for her to grab. The blonde got up while leaning on to your hand and skipped upstairs to get her sister. The twins were spitting image of Alexia, expect they had icy blue eyes from the donor. You had originally wanted to have kids in two rounds; one with your egg and one with alexia’s egg. However, a pair of twins ended the plan quickly as they were more than enough for the two of you.

Just as you got to the kitchen, Alexia entered the house. “Hola amor” Alexia sang as she walked into the kitchen. “Smells amazing” she said as she hugged you from behind kissing your neck. “Spinach pasta” you said as you leaned into her smiling. You loved your little family, it was everything you had ever dreamed of. The twins bounced down the stairs together and walked into the kitchen. “Mami!” Maya yelled as she hugged alexia. The twins and alexia started setting the table, and you put the pasta in a serving bowl. Alexia grabbed sparkling water and you all sat down at the kitchen table in your designated chairs. “How was school, girls?” Alexia said as she slurped in a spaghetti. “It was bien! I sat with Andrea in class, she’s so nice. Maybe she can sleep over sometime? I also got my test back, I got a B, but I studied really hard” Anya rambled as you all kept on eating. Anya was the more talkative of the girls, often leading the conversation. After a quick chat about her new friend and her good grades, the other twin; Maya spoke up. “Mamma, do we have Bandaids? Or tape?” She said as she shoved her pasta around on her plate. “Si, why? Are you hurt?” You asked as you got a worried grin. “No! No, I’m not hurt. My cleats are just tight and it’s tugging in my heel.” She said as she looked up carefully. Alexia’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Already?? Didn’t you ge-“ you smacked her arm. If looks could kill, she would be a dead woman. “Honey, it’s normal. You are growing everyday besides, we are already going to stop by the sports store to grab your sister a new pair so why not see if you find something you like too?” You said as you took a sip of water. Her eyes lit up as she smiled and nodded rapidly. Dinner went on, and you were soon on your way to the store.

—

“Alright preciousas, here we are” alexia said as she pulled your Lexus suv up in the parking lot of the sports store. The girls quickly hopped out and practically sprinted towards the store in their workout gear. You grabbed alexia’s hand as you walked in and was met by a mountain of cleats. “Oh my” you mumbled as your eyes widened. Having two girls in football wasn’t cheap, especially not when they were starting to work towards playing professionally while both being on the national squad. It meant twice the travel expenses,kits, jerseys, clothes and a shit ton of sports tape and pre wrap. “Mami! I like the pink ones” Anya squealed as she grabbed Alexia’s arm and pulled her towards a bright pair of Nike. Maya was more hesitant and grabbed your hand as you walked around. “What color do you like? Is there a specific brand you want?” You asked softly as her eyes scanned the wall. “I like pink” she said as she looked over at her sister that was busy trying on cleats. “The same as that your sister is trying on, si?” You asked as you walked towards her and alexia. Elena nodded and held close to you. After a few trials and errors both girls had found a pair of bright pink Nike; the same pair to be fair. It wasn’t really a problem, you just needed to mark the inside of the shoe. Not that it would be a problem as Maya was more of a left striker while Anya was a right striker.

At the register, a young woman scanned the boxes and tapped the register. The girls each grabbed the box and immediately disposed the boxes in the trash as they went to the bench in the doorway to put their new cleats on. “And that will be, 559.99 euros m’am” the woman spoke as Alexia was pulling out her wallet. “QUE!?” Alexia said in disbelief. “559.99” the woman repeated as she smiled. “Cash or card?” Alexia stood dumbfounded and looked at the register. “Ai, uh, card” she said as she rubbed her neck. You giggled behind her as this was usually something you would take care of in terms of shopping and her being happy to pay down the credit card every month.

As we walked out the store, the rain has started pouring so Alexia unlocked the car as the girls sprinted towards it to avoid getting soaked. We drove the 5 mins to the arena and said our goodbye’s to the girls before entering the designated room for parents to watch. Alexia grabbed us both coffees on the way into the room, and sat down beside me to watch the girls. Me and one of the other mothers were talking about how crazy the cost of living had become and how groceries had become a huge expense. “Have you even seen the price of eggs! It’s insane, and my daughter eats like a horse.” the woman next to me exclaimed. “Think eggs are expensive? Try having one egg fertilised and it splitting into two.” You said as the whole room giggled while Alexia chocked on her coffee dramatically. “It was your egg Putellas, so you are to blame” you whispered as you winked.

[virtual-bunny]

Period Cramps and Comfort

pairing: tsukishima x fem!reader

summary: you got your period, making you miserable, so you your boyfriend, kei, try’s to make you feel as comfortable as possible

warnings: blood, nakedness but nothing nsfw NOT PROOF READ

a/n: this took me way too long, also i tried to make the text a different color, like gradient or a different type of yellow but tumblr doesn’t have that option, but it’s too much work for me to go on a coding website and i’m lazy and now i’m sad LMAO

“Have you taken any pain medicine?”

“No I don’t know where they are and I don’t wanna look for them because if I move my cramps are gonna start to hurt even though I can feel them right now but I don’t wanna get hurt.” You cry out.

Tsukishima tries his best not to roll his eyes, moving your hair out of your face, you open your eyes to look at him, squished face and slightly opened duck lips staring up at him as he kept moving your hair out of the way.

“Where are they?” He finally says and you sigh in relief.

“On the top cupboard above the counter with the spoons and forks.”

Tsukishima nods, sitting up from the side of your bed and goes to look for the small bottle, going through all the “just incase” medication you had, but he didn’t find the bottle anywhere.

“Are you sure we have any?” He asks as he walks back to your bedroom, making you open your eyes again to follow his figure walking towards you.

“Yeah?!” You cry out, ready to let out a full sob.

Tsukishima sighs, shaking his head. “Didn’t find them.”

The tears start to roll down your cheeks now. To any person it would look like you were crying out for someone’s death, but really you were just in menstrual pain.

Tsukishima looks at you for a moment before speaking.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to the store-“

“NOOOOOOOO!” You cry again, extending your arm to barely grab on to your boyfriend’s shirt. Tsukishima’s taken aback, looking at you with widened eyes.

“Don’t leave meeeeee!” You cry again, letting go of his shirt to wipe your tears. Tsukishima tries his best to not make a snarky comment at you, so instead, he bends down to your level, now face to face with your puffy face and caresses your cheek.

“I promise I’ll be quick babe.” He whispered, caressing your cheeck and giving you a kiss on the lips. You nod, sniffing as he stood back up and left your room.

Tsukishima went to the nearest convenience store. He found everything he thought of getting for you, thankfully, because he knew if he was gone for more than an hour, you’d probably get more upset than you already were. Grabbing two bottles of tylenol, some snacks, pads, and a small bouquet of flowers, tsukishima left the store and put evething in his trunk.

After about twenty minutes, he came back home, calling out for you.

“Y/n?”

“Eeeehhhhh?”

He set everything in the counter, only grabbing the bottle of tylenol and a glass of water to bring to you.

As he entered your room, he was suprised to see you had changed positions. Your back was now against the bed frame, but your hair was messier than he had remembered.

“Here.” He set the pill on your tongue, tipping the glass of water on your lips. You drank the water and pill with ease, letting out a sigh as you finished swallowing.

“Let’s go shower.” He mumbles, pulling the blanket from your lap. You shake your head, resisting his gripping hand on yours as he gently tries to pull you out of bed.

“Kei it’s gonna be nasty.” You whine but he doesn’t listen, finally getting you up and taking you to the bathroom.

You slowly take off your shirt, whinceing at the movements that made your cramps act up. Tsukishima looks over his shoulder, he’s bending down touching the bath water for the temperature, his glasses slowly falling off his nose bridge.

You kept whining, you felt warm and nasty, it overwhelmed you. Tearless cries came from you, looking at Tsukishima for help. Kei clicks his tongue, standing straight to help you walk closer to the tub.

“It’s okay, you’ll feel better right now.”

Tapping your arm, he grabs the hem of your shirt and you put your arms up, letting Tsukishima take off your shirt. He moves out of your way slightly as you unclip your bra and step into the shower.

As you let the warm water hit your body, Tsukishima took off his clothes as well, setting his glasses near the sink.

“I have blood crust.” You inform your boyfriend who just stepped in the shower, his chest in front of your face. He only hums in return.

For a few minutes it’s silent as Kei massages your shoulders, the warm water helping the tension lessen, and although you were enjoying the massage, you couldn’t help but have the urge to hug him.

You turn around, facing him again. Tsukki looks down at you, his stupid smirk on his face taunting you.

“What?”

“You do have blood crust.”

You stomp your foot and whine, trying to throw water at him but it is no use. Tsukishima laughs, reaching over your shoulder to turn off the shower and start the bath, so you took this as a chance to wrap your arms around him, the pout on your lips turning into a smile.

As the tub started to fill up, Tsukishima got out, wrapping a towel around his waist.

“Stay here,” his tall frame crouches under the bathroom door frame, leaving you behind.

As you wait for your boyfriend, you took this as an opportunity to clean yourself as fast as you could, opening the cap of the bathtub so the now “colored” water drains. You know Tsukki would get pissed off if you’d do this, since it was more convenient if you had just told him that you wanted to get a bit clean first.

Closing the drain again and turning on the water one more time, you stood there, arms hugging your bare body, looking like a wet puppy in the foggy room.

“KEI!” You call out, starting to miss your boyfriend. As if on time, the lanky man appears, a tray of food, bottled juice, your favorite snacks, your favorite scented soap, and a small bouquet of flowers on his hands. You gasp in surprise, a smile spreading all over your face as you move out the way so he can set the things down.

But as you stood there, a sharp pain up your ass hit you, making you flinch and clench your butt. This startled your boyfriend, dropping the things in his hands to the floor with widened eyes as he put his hands on your arms to check what was wrong with you.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow,” you hiss, eyes closed shut as the excruciating pain continued.

“What happened?” Tsukishima asks, not knowing what to do, his eyes frantically look all over you.

“Butt cramp.” You reply in a pained voice, a small tear going down your cheek from the pain.

“Can you sit down?” Setting the tray in the bathtub and messily setting the things on it, Kei took off his towel and stepped inside the bath, grabbing the scented soap and squirting the liquid around the clear water.

You didn’t respond, the pain was still lingering, your head felt dizzy and your mouth was dry, whatever Tsukishima had said went over your head. He noticed this and gently set the soap down and turned to look again at you.

“Hey,” he said softly placing his hands on your hips and rubbing little circles. You shake your head to focus, droopy eyes looking at him

“Mhm.” You nod your head, the question he had asked you finally settingling in your brain. You step in the tub, turning around so your back is facing his chest, sitting down on the warm water.

The two of you watched some video on his phone on youtube, quietly eating your food and drinking juice.

Every now and then you’d wince at your cramps acting up, but Tsukishima would be quick to massages your tummy and back whenever it started to hurt.

Kei moved behind you, reaching over you to grab the shampoo you two shared.

“Don’t get it in my eyes,” you say through your chewing food, eyes never leaving the video. Tsukki rolls his eyes, squirting a good amount of shampoo into your damp hair and massaging your scalp.

You moan, eyes rolling at the back of your head as you swallow your food.

“That feels good,” you sigh. Tsukki chuckles, the tip of his fingers rubbing against your scalp. He stops, reaching over you to grab some of the snacks he had bought.

You lean your head back for a moment, looking up at your boyfriend who, as he’s chewing his food, looks down at you and smirks.

After your bath, Tsukishima made sure to bring the unfinished food to your bed, settling the small tray table in your spot as you went to change to a warm tshirt of his and some baggy sweatpants.

As you walk over to your shared bed, you put your hand inside your underwear, adjusting your pad. Kei chuckles, shaking his head as he sets a towel on the side of your bed and pats the spot for your to sit in.

You plop yourself on the bed, waiting for Kei to cover you with the blankets, and as he did, you steal a kiss from him, making him kiss you back quickly.

Walking to the the other side of the bed, Tsukishima laid down and covered himself with the blankets, you instantly snuggling up to him, grabbing his arm so you could wrap it around your body.

As the evening went on, you and Tsukki enjoyed the rest of the evening cuddling in bed while you complained every now and then about your pain, mood swings taking over you, and although all Kei wanted to do was to cover your face with a pillow, he took it easy with you, comforting you and letting you chew his ear off, cry on him and kissing him all over his face whenever your mood changed.

And since you need to be on weird positions in order for your cramps not to hurt, you fell asleep with your mouth open, hair all over you and Tsukishima’s face as you laid ontop of him, your drool getting on his shirt.

Tsukishima reached for the tv remote as slowly as he could in order to not wake you up. Turning off the tv, your guys room went dark. Kei closed his eyes, sighing. You shifted on him for a second, making his eyes widen as he looked up at the ceiling, his body stiffened.

Once he heard you snoring again, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he wiped off your drool from your lip, moving the hair out of your face, and gave you a kiss on the cheek, turning his head around as he drifted to sleep.

[leonenjoyer69]

After sitting half finished for forever, I finally present Lanyon's Mindscape!

I spent quite a while coming up with everything and developing things in a way that connected very heavily to Lanyon's character (as well as Elias's) for my Lanyon Takes the Potion AU, so I'm very happy to finally share it! I mentioned it a while ago on the QnA with @arythusa , but here's the whole long summary!

I have a reason for each and every detail and choice, so if you have any questions, leave them in the reblogs or comments and I promise you I would LOVE to answer them :3 also, reblogs would be very appreciated, I put a lot of work into this <3

Now, let's begin!

The Mindscape

A twisting mansion of halls, doors, and spiraling staircases, Lanyon's mindscape is a vast, extravagant space.

Most of the mindscape has an inherent purple hue; grand chandeliers also bathe the upper, more "frequented" areas in a golden light. However, the deeper you travel, the more sparse these golden lights become.

Lanyon doesn't have the same odd "compartmentalization" abilities that Jekyll does, leaving his mindscape much messier and more confusing, with very little of it being any sort of "organized". Furthermore Lanyon hasn't ripped himself down to a shell of a person like Jekyll has; nor does he suffer from the same self hatred as Jekyll and Hyde, making his mindscape much more lively.

Residents of the mindscape include mind versions of: Jekyll, Everly, Lanyon Sr., Lanyon's mother (though she acts as more of a ghost,) the shadow people, and the Nightmares™.

THE ROOMS AND LAYOUT

THE HALLS

The halls are long and confusingly twisty, covered in unmarked doors, blurry portraits, and golden chandeliers, as well as other occasional decorations and clutter. There are very few doors that actually stand out enough to know they're special, like the ballroom, greenhouse, library, alchemy room, and Lanyon Sr's office. Most of the special rooms are near the surface, never moving, as their influence on Lanyon's character and memories are too strong to be moved from near the subconscious.

Memories, however, do tend to shuffle around a bit, even moving between floors depending on how much Elias or Lanyon is thinking of it. This shuffling has the ability to bring nightmares up from deeper levels to the more "safe" ones.

Many of the halls tend to lead in circles or straight into dead ends, and some doors simply lead to more hallways.

THE POCKET WATCH

To combat the twisting and turning, Elias eventually realizes that his "broken" pocket watch acts more like a compass, pointing him in the general direction of where he wishes to go. Mindkyll also has a pocket watch like this, being one of the more mobile mind people (despite his slight limp.)

The pocket watch has the normal larger clock face, as well as a smaller one for "seconds". The hands all spin aimlessly until a destination is thought of. The hour and minute hands work together for general direction like a compass, while the seconds tell the level, with straight up/forward being a higher level, down being a lower level, and horizontal being the current floor. Elias only figured this out with Mindkyll's help.

Elias, Lanyon, and Mindkyll all have an inherent attachment to their given watches, and when they're in other hands or removed from their persons, they feel more lost and confused, as if they have brain fog.

THE LIBRARY

Lanyon spends a decent bit of his free time reading and watching plays and productions, so it only makes sense for him to have a grand library filled with the fleeting memories of these pasttimes.

The bookshelves are oppressively tall, and despite the number of books and scripts, most of them aren't quite readable, since their words have been at least partially forgotten. However, there are a decent few books that are mostly filled out, namely favourite stories or plays he's ingested, old school books (thanks to Jekyll's influence,) and partially filled out journals or phrases that stuck with him, either from other people or things he's told himself.

Additionally, there is a reading nook with a fireplace in one of the corners, since reading is a comfort he hasn't abandoned.

THE MUSIC ROOM

The music room is a cozy space with a few chairs, a fire place, a grand piano, other various instruments, and sheet music strewn and hung about. There's also a couple of paintings, but they're covered mostly in music sheets. One of the other notable instruments is a violin, though it doesn't get used until Elias comes around.

This room is where Mind Everly spends most of her time, when not in the greenhouse, of course. Most of the music pieces are either nonsensical, or genuine ones that the real Everly has played for Robert.

This room becomes a sort of safe space for Elias after certain...events.

THE BALLROOM

The ballroom is a large, extravagant 2 story room. The floor/lower space has walls lined with windows, bringing a golden light to the whole room. However, nothing can be seen on the other side of the windows. Pillars sit between a few of them, holding up a large, wrap-around balcony-- I.e the second floor. The lower space also has a large circular design in the middle of the floor.

The second floor also has windows, as well as a few doors-- one of which leads into Lanyon Sr's office, since Lanyon viewed the tie between his fathers work and status so strongly, both becoming his whole life.

Because of how much of Lanyons life was built around balls and gatherings, the room is filled with shadowy upper class folk, all with somewhat blury features. They tend to act quite mindlessly, seemingly at least somewhat under Mindkyll's Beck and call, but they do dance together and murmur nonsensical, unsettling things to each other. They don't say anything that can be made out, but their growing judgement towards anything odd in the ballroom and overlapping voices can cause panic quite easily.

This room is frequented by both Mindkyll and Mind Lanyon Sr. Mindkyll tends to roam around, framing and dancing with the shadow people, while Mind Lanyon Sr stays on the balcony above, ever watching and judging what goes on below.

THE GREENHOUSE/GARDEN

An overgrown greenhouse filled with various vines, shrubs, and flowers (with occasional symbolism). there's an area for plants directly in the ground, as well as tables covered in pots, metal rafters with hanging pots, and a couple of trellises. The room is mostly all glass-- which still can't be seen through, but gives a warm, comforting glow to the room. There's also a glass table, which seats 2, and a little nook in one of the corners.

A lot of the flowers tend to change, as well as "randomly" bloom and wilt.

Elias likes to spend a lot of time just sitting in this room, occasionally with mind Everly. He also likes cutting back the overgrowth, but it always comes back. He eventually starts to keep track of how the flowers change as well.

THE ALCHEMY LAB

Based heavily around Jekyll's office and Alchemy-covered university desk, the lab is a dark, candle-lit room cluttered with alchemy equipment, books, and potions. There's an odd green fog in the air, making it one of the only rooms that isn't bathed in purple or gold.

This is the other room Mind Jekyll tends to frequent, usually experimenting or organizing his things. Lanyon and Elias both try to avoid this room, as the air feels uncomfortably heavy and tainted.

THE OFFICE

Lanyon's personal office, though it's quite lacking in furniture. The room mainly consists of a desk, chair, scattered books, and a lone, curtained window. The walls are covered in portraits (mainly of his father) and the desk is littered with bills and paperwork. The room seems almost abandoned, at least until Elias comes around to it.

THE UNIVERSITY DORM ROOM

A memory of his dorm room with Jekyll. The window seems to give a faint blue light, though the curtain usually covers it (symbolizing how he hid the relationship and his feelings.)

Jekyll's desk has a few alchemy things scattered on it, as well as text books. There are bunk beds, but the top looks unused.

There are various objects in the room that trigger a memory when they're interacted with, since many core memories were made in the room, buried or not.

LANYON SR'S OFFICE

A large, oppressive office, lit primarily by the two windows. The shelves and tables are covered with books and paperwork. Mirrors litter the walls (symbolizing Lanyon's similarities to his father), as well as portraits.

Mind Lanyon Sr obviously frequents this room, doing random work and reading. The room is also directly connected to the second floor of the ballroom, high above everyone else to show how Lanyon believed his father to put himself and his work above everyone else. Lanyon tends to avoid this room, and the second floor of the ballroom in general, as it makes him feel exposed. Elias also tends to avoid this room, as it makes him feel small.

THE CHARACTERS

ELIAS WRIGHT (LANYON'S HJ7 ALTER)

His outfit gives a more "working class" feel, inspired by his father's youth. They're also far more comfortable than Lanyon's usual clothes, so Elias doesn't mind them too much. The outfit somewhat symbolizes Elias's working spirit, as well as his yearning for his Father's approval via following in his footsteps (to a certain degree), acting as a sort of errand boy around the society/for Jekyll. They also make him look ungentlemanly, simple, and weak, making him stand out in the mindscape.

He has a "broken" pocket watch on him at all times, which he instinctively feels very protective over, as it's somewhat linked to his being.

Additionally, in memories he can "take the spot" of Lanyon, letting the memory compulse him on how to move. He likes doing this to feel like he's still Lanyon-- like he's whole again.

Feelings wise, Elias isn't too against the mindscape for a good while, mainly in the beginning. While it is confusing and lonely, leaving him quite on edge most of the time, he does at least find solace in mind Everly, Mind Jekyll, and some of the rooms. He does have a few run-ins with nightmares, though he always manages to flee or be saved somehow by mind Everly or Jekyll. He prefers to stay on the higher levels where it's brighter and safer, though occasionally he does go down to dig through memories, much to mindkyll's masked annoyance.

He initially sticks around Mindkyll quite a bit, dancing and hanging out in the ballroom or alchemy lab with him, even if he occasionally makes Elias kind of uncomfortable. Elias is quick to trust him and his charm, falling into him as a safety since Mindkyll is so kind towards him, and since he resembles Jekyll so much. Mindkyll is also quite touchy and praising with Elias, feeding Elias's yearning for romantic intimacy from Jekyll. Mindkyll usually knows just what cards to play to make Elias either fall for his charm or feel bad for him. They do pursue something of a "relationship", and despite the occasional discomfort Elias feels, he is quite reliant on Mindkyll for a while, using him as a stand-in since the real Jekyll seems so unattainable.

Also, Elias finds Mindkyll's "sparkle machine" ability quite funny, but of course falls for it. On a few occasions he's accidentally sparkled back, shocking Mindkyll and somewhat offending him.

Additionally, Elias hangs with mind Everly a decent bit too, finding her to be a more calming presence among the greenhouse and music room. She gives him advice and lets him talk, acting as a sort of mental therapist. She doesn't like mindkyll. She'll play music for Elias or sometimes just sit with him in the greenhouse.

Elias somewhat avoids mind Lanyon Sr, rarely trying to get to the ballroom's second floor, unless he feels he has to. He also partially tries to avoid his fathers gaze, though sometimes he can't help but look up at Lanyon Sr watching over the ballroom, yearning to make his father proud of him. Lanyon Sr's critical gaze tends to make him feel small, cringing under the judgement.

A mind version of his mother also haunts the mindscape, though she is scarcely seen. She does seem to like Elias far more than Lanyon though, sometimes even holding Elias and calling him her baby. She only really shows up in the greenhouse, from what Elias has seen.

MIND JEKYLL

A resident of Lanyon's mindscape, he's a sparkly amalgamation of Jekyll and Hyde. Wandering between the ballroom, halls, and his lab, he mainly dances, experiments, and charms. He has phantom pains all around his body, stemming from Lanyon's constant fear of Jekyll getting hurt (especially via potion mishaps), and has a limp in his left leg from recurring nightmares of Jekyll stepping in a bear trap on the faithful Bleeding Heart Night™.

Before Lanyon and Elias split, mind Jekyll looked far more like normal Jekyll and acted a bit more awkward. however, after learning of Jekylls duality, mindkyll became a bit more Hyde like, his sideburns growing out, his hair growing messier, and gaining a hole filled cape and green hat, as well as gradient eyes. He hates his new appearance a decent bit, blaming Elias for it.

He spends most of his time in the ballroom, since Lanyon taught him how to act "proper" and he seemingly surpassed Lanyon at that, causing him to become a sort of icon to Lanyon in that sense. In the ballroom he's quite the charmer, going between the shadow people and playing them as he wishes, which stems from Lanyon's jealousy of how Jekyll acted (and still acts) with women at parties while they were together.

Mindkyll tends to feel an inherent hatred for Elias when Elias is around him, as if Elias's presence by itself just causes stabs of anger and resentment in him, though usually he can force this feeling down in order to keep his charming facade up. However, on top of that resentment, when he feels like he has any sort of control over Elias, he gets a swell of pride and power in his chest. He tends to get more inwardly cocky, which mixes with the hatred and makes him increasingly cruel at times, though he does mask that with his charm and sparkles. He's also very much emotionally manipulative, pulling at Elias's weaknesses and the slight inherent attraction Elias has for him, since he looks like Jekyll and such. He doesn't really tend to outwardly show any of his hatred of course, since he wants to keep Elias's trust for the most part, but he does Harbor Lanyon's resentment and repression of all those "weak" emotions and such. Additionally, he holds a lot of Lanyon's "rebellious" stage, feeding off of the power he gets from having control.

He also lets off sparkles as a sort of defense mechanism for when he feels threatened or starts getting impatient/aggravated. They have a somewhat calming effect, most of the time at least, made to distract people from his real intentions and feelings. Occasionally, however, their impact/sway is dulled, like against Mind Everly. Eventually, Lanyon starts becoming more resistant to their sway, and after a certain future event, so does Elias.

MIND EVERLY

Mind Everly tends to avoid the ballroom, so she doesn't really interact with the shadow people unless she has to. She's also surprisingly adept at fighting off the nightmares. When Mind Mumyon randomly shows up in the garden, or on rare occasions the music room, she'll kinda just chat with her and keep her company until she wanders off/disappears again. With Mindkyll, Everly tends to be a bit "low patience" with him, not really playing into his charm and tending to ignore him.

Mind Everly knows she's just a part of Lanyon, being one of his main comforts and someone that he confides in, and she's quite alright with doing her thing and occasionally helping out Elias or Lanyon. She's just as sweet and trustworthy as the real Everly, acting somewhat as a therapist and general advice giver. She's also quite protective of Elias after certain events.

She frequents the Music room and the Garden, only occasionally going into the ballroom if she feels she has to. She completely avoids the alchemy lab, and only goes into Lanyon's office every once in a while to clean it up a bit.

MIND LANYON SR

Mind Lanyon Sr looks quite similar to the real one, just far more oppressive and judgemental, far more emotionally detached than the real one. He has a distressing aura to him, causing discomfort to the shadow people and monsters and annoyance to most of the other mind people that get close to him. Mindkyll seems to be the outlier to this, as he generally tolerates Mind Lanyon Sr's presence quite well, even occasionally seeking it out.

He usually hangs out on the second floor of the ballroom, staring down and judging the people below. He's this ever-watching presence, detached but still close enough to control things-- or at least seem like he could. Otherwise he frequents his office, doing work, reorganizing, or reading.

He'll occasionally hang out with Mindkyll, vaguely talking to him and slipping him praises. He sees him as more successful, fond of him in a "my son should be like you" way. Despite this, he still gets quite judgemental of Mindkyll when he looses his temper or shows his more "mad scientist" side.

His feelings towards Elias are a little mixed. For the most part, Mind Lanyon Sr is constantly judging Elias, disgusted by his emotional vulnerability and how he's everything the real Lanyon Sr tried to get rid of in his son. But, on the other hand, occasionally he can't help but be the *slightest* bit proud of the fact that Elias has at least SOME work ethic.

Were Elias to try and talk to mind Lanyon Sr, he would probably be met with Mind Lanyon Sr ignoring him, silently judging him, and/or verbally jabbing at him, pointing out his flaws. Elias is quite heartbroken at this, but for some reason he tries to get Mind Lanyon Sr's approval a handful of times before finally giving up, cringing under his stern, judging gaze.

Otherwise, he's aware of his state as a concept and is quite fine with it, intent on keeping Lanyon and Elias in line, in his own detatched way.

LANYON'S MOTHER (CELIA)

Cecilia Lanyon (Mumyon) somewhat haunts around the mindscape, quite scarcely seen. Because of her distance and detatchment towards her son, she rarely shows up, and when she does it's usually in the greenhouse, since she mainly "bonded" with Lanyon by having him help tend the garden occasionally. Since at home she was also commonly hysterical, Mind Celia is generally quite blank, but occasionally snaps a bit emotionally.

When Lanyon is around her, she tends to somewhat blankly stare at him, VERY occasionally actually talking or acting motherly towards him. Elias, however, tries to drag a bit more of that motherly persona out. He yearns for validation and affection from both of his parents, and the mindscape if the only place he'll ever possibly be able to get it. She occasionally seems to give him a little of the attention he wants, talking in very short sentences when they're together in the greenhouse, maybe pointing out flowers or their symbolism. Sometimes she does seem quite cynical, however, which tends to throw Elias off.

Her and Mind Lanyon Sr don't really ever interact, unless Mind Celia just happens to silently join him on the second floor of the ballroom for "show". She mostly ignores mindkyll, but has snapped at him at least once. Otherwise, she usually just tolerates him. She likes Mind Everly well enough, it's hard to dislike her, and she enjoys listening to Mind Everly's music.

Most of the time she's not the most aware of things, but she does have her more clear moments.

(Cecilia Eleanor Lanyon was made by my friend Luka ( @lukas-broken-bow ), while mind Celia was adapted by me bc her character EATS, THANK YOU FOR DEVELOPING HER LUKA, I LOVE HER)

THE NIGHTMARES

The nightmares take on a lot of forms, with one resembling Morcant being the most notable. Along with that, however, there's also many "mad scientists", physically ruined by their science, and various magical creatures and monsters, like vampires (there's one with a resemblance to Dracula), other werewolves, and reanimated things (ones that are especially gory, since Lanyon is disgusted by things like exposed innards,wounds, and rot.) There's also a nightmare "Hyde", who is somewhat formless and mainly causes general havoc and stalks around.

With the twisting of the mindscape and so many doors scattered about, the nightmares tend to stay in lower levels, trapped behind said doors or simply lost, especially if Lanyon keeps them off of his mind. However, when thought of or triggered via seeing or hearing something (or occasionally at random), doors will open or memory rooms will move, allowing nightmares to find themselves closer to the subconcious. They're also more active in higher layers in moments of higher stress, or heavy sleep deprivation, as those " doors" become harder to unconsciously keep closed.

Mindkyll is somewhat fearful of them, some more than others, but when they're closer to his ballroom or lab, he tends to be less scared. Or, when he needs to swoop in and "save" Elias from a couple of nightmares, he tends to forget some of his fear. Mind Everly is somewhat scared of them, but is more so annoyed by them. Mind Lanyon Sr. doesn't really have to deal with them, considering his spot on the balcony, and simply watches when they come about.

THE SHADOW PEOPLE

The shadow people are vague, blurry high society folk that remain in the ballroom. They're all dressed very well, their bodies partially see-through as if they're mere ghosts.

The shadow people don't really interact with anyone but each other and Mindkyll, since he somewhat has control over them. They dance amongst each other, muttering nonsensically until their "words" all blur together. They're not very aware of anything, all in all quite mindless, but when there's anything "wrong" or "ungentlemanly", that's when they act more. Their voices start to rise, despite still being mere whispers, growing more cacophonous and anxiety-inducing as they stare. Their judgement of anything odd is ceaseless, usually only calming at Mindkyll's demand or when the oddity leaves the ballroom.

Additionally, mindkyll can manipulate them to react in other basic ways, like acting charmed or shocked, and he usually does it for his own enjoyment. When a nightmare manages to get into the ballroom, the shadow people aren't targeted. Instead they grow more sinister looking, especially expression wise, and their mutterings take on a certain sharpness, their judgements growing harsher. Usually mindkyll needs to remove of the nightmare for them to act normally again.

_______

And that is the basics of the Mindscape! Once again, I'd absolutely LOVE any questions in reblogs, comments, or even my asks :3 thank you so much for reading all of this, I hope you enjoyed!!

[deanssluvr]

thought you were made for me pt. 2

part 1 | part 3

pairing: brother’s bsf!Joost Klein x fem!reader

warning: SMUT. oral (male receiving). fingering. unprotected p in v (wrap it before you tap it). mdni

word count: 2k

a/n: first time writing smut so i’m kinda nervous to post this ngl. thank you for all the love on the first part! hope you guys like this part. Also i’m taking requests. only for joost klein at the moment. not proofread sorry

“My place or yours liefje (sweetheart)” You quickly weighed out your options. The both of you could go to his place and fuck in peace without being in fear of being interrupted. Or you could go back to your house and run the risk of being caught by your brother. The risk of it made you feel more excited.

“Mine.” You answered in full confidence. 

“Are you sure? I mean your brother is gonna leave soon and he could catch us.” He looked concerned, but you placed your hands on either side of his face and pulled him into another heated kiss. Then you pulled away.

“Then we better not get caught.” You gave him a sly smile and with that Joost sped out of the parking lot.

—

The ride back home felt like hours, yet the tension never faltered between you. He managed to keep one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your thigh. His thumb rubbed softly against your thigh. Anticipation built up as he pulled into the driveway. When the car came to a full stop, he looked at you. He searched your eyes for any sort of hesitation. You gave him a reassuring smile before you both got out of the car. 

As you both approached your front door, you quickly dug through your purse for the keys. You heard him quietly chuckle as he watched you struggle. Once you open the door, toss your purse on the dining room table and take him by the hand. You led him upstairs to your bedroom which was across from your brother’s. As soon as you shut the door, Joost places his hands on your waist and pulls you into a kiss. This time it was different from the one you shared at the bar. This time it was hungrier, messier. His hands started to become more familiar as he explored every curve. You wrap your hands around his neck, pulling him closer. Your fingers were entangled in his hair, pulling softly at his locks. He pulled away, panting, and spoke softly.

“Get on your knees for me liefde (love)” He breathed out. You were quick to do so as you sunk to your knees. You look in front of you and are greeted with an eager bulge in his pants. You reached your hands to his belt buckle. Stopped to look up again him, silently asking for permission. He gave you a small, almost desperate, nod encouraging you to continue. You look back at the task ahead and unbuckle his belt. Then you unbutton his pants, and finally unzip his pants, letting them fall to the floor. Now you were staring at his black boxers and his clothed cock that was begging to be free. You noticed a tattoo on his upper thigh. Your fingers graze over the tattoo and partially over his erection. You palmed him through his boxers earning a stifled groan from him. He inhaled sharply.

“Shit. liefde (love) please." He asked in a low and desperate toneYou hooked your fingers into the waistband of the boxers and slowly pulled them down letting them fall to the floor. His cock sprang free and you couldn’t help but stare. You spit on it before you took him in your hand, pumping him slowly. You could feel him growing harder i. your hand. You planted kisses starting from the base to his tip. You then took him into your mouth inch by inch. A low groan came from him and you took him. One of his hands found its way into your hair, pulling softly. You gagged as he got further down your throat.

“Take what you can liefde (love)“ he spoke softly. You took as much as you could and used your hand to stroke what you couldn’t take. You kept this teasingly slow pace for a good minute before you felt his hand gently to his desired speed. You didn’t mind because you just wanted to please him. Between desperate groans and panting he praised you in both English and Dutch. Saying how beautiful you were and how good you were for him. You could tell he was close because his grip on your hair tightened and his thrusts into your throat became sloppier. But he stopped before he could bring himself over the edge.

“Fuck.” He put his hand under your chin brought you up from your knees and pulled you into another sloppy kiss.

“Turn around for me.” you did as he asked, turning your back to him. His hand began tracing up your waist and your back. He carefully unzipped your dress and let it fall to the floor. He started to plant kisses on your shoulder and up your neck stopping near your ear. You felt goosebumps as you felt his hands unclip your bra and it fell to the floor. 

“Lay on your back for me.” He whispered in your ear. You did so and made your way onto the comfort of your bed. You laid back and made yourself comfortable, and when you looked back at him you caught him staring from the edge of the bed. His eyes looked over your now bare body. Under his gaze, you flustered. 

“Jij bent zo mooi (you are so beautiful)” he spoke as he crawled on top of you. He kissed you, this time more passionately. One of his hands found their way to your waist, gripping you tightly. The other traveled down to your panties, rubbing your clit through the wet cloth. 

“Fuck.” you breathed out followed by moans. His hand dipped into your panties, finally touching you. He started rubbing circles into your clit and you leaned your head further back into the pillow. You gave him more access to your neck. There he littered with kisses, biting and sucking as he pleases. He began pumping you with his fingers which earned him a particularly loud moan from you. It was like music to his ears to hear you like this. He started at an agonizingly slow pace but sped up when he heard you whimper. Then he started using his thumb to rub your clit and you thought you couldn’t get any louder. You felt slightly embarrassed at the near-pornographic noises coming from you. 

“Fuck. I’m c-close“You could barely get your sentence out, but he understood loud and clear and stopped. You looked at him, disappointed by his lack of contact and he just chuckled in response. He sat on his knees between your legs and hooked his finger on the waistband of your panties. Then he gently pulled them off, discarding them somewhere on the floor where the rest of your clothes lay. One of his hands found their way back to your hip as he held you tightly. The other one lined up his tip with your entrance, gently pushing in eliciting a loud moan from you. Just as he was about to continue, you both heard the front door open downstairs. You both paused and looked at each other as you listened to him slowly walk up the stairs and stop outside your door, knocking gently.

“Hey, sis. You home?” you heard through the door and you hesitated to answer. You didn’t want to respond so he’d leave you both alone, but he’d probably come in if he heard no response.

“Uhm yeah.” This is when a truly diabolical idea popped into Joost’s head. He slowly continued to push cock further into you inch by inch, stretching you out. You had to put your hand over your mouth to hold back from screaming. He buried his head in the crook of your neck and you could feel his grin.

“Were you okay earlier? Joost said you weren’t feeling well back at the club.” This painfully slow pace he was going at was going to be the death of you. 

“Y-yeah. I just have a migraine. That’s all.” He smiled at your weak attempt to speak. His entire length was finally inside of you. You felt so full. He then began slowly thrusting into you. Keeping your volume low was becoming increasingly more difficult.

“Oh okay. Well, I’ll let you get some rest. Goodnight.” You yelled back a pathetic “goodnight” before you heard him walk away from your door and into his room. You barely had time to address Joost and his actions before he suddenly picked up the pace, pounding into you. He crashed his lips against yours. It was messy but you didn’t care. Your fingers found their way into his hair, entangling themselves in his locks. Then he quickly finds your sweet spot and hits it relentlessly making you see stars. You were glad he was kissing you or you’d be screaming loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Each thrust brought you closer to the edge.

“I’m s-so so clo- fuck“ You can barely form sentences at this point, but it’s like he could read your mind. 

“Go ahead. cum for me schat (baby)” It only took a few more thrusts for you to let go. He placed his hand over your mouth to silence you as you came. Your back arched and tears streamed down your cheeks. You swear you could see stars as a wave of pleasure flooded through you. Your body started to relax as you came down from your high, but Joost was still thrusting into you.

“Hold on for me. I’m so fucking close.��� His thrusts quickly became more sloppy and messier. There were strings of low groans coming from him. He finally brought himself over the edge, biting into your shoulder to silence himself. You both stay in that position for a moment just panting. You look at him. He’s covered in sweat and his hair is sticking to his forehead, but he still looks perfect to you. He slowly pulls himself out of you and you wince at how sensitive you were.

“Sorry liefde (love).” he lays down next to you and he gestures for you get come over to him. You do and he holds you close to him. You can hear his quickened heartbeat and listen as it slows down. It was quiet for a moment between you two. Both of you were hesitant to say anything. 

“Are you busy this weekend?” He broke the silence. You looked at him a bit confused. Was he scheduling your next hookup?

“No, I’m not. Why?”

“I wanna take you out. On a date.” It caught you completely off guard. You thought this would be a one-time thing. You were glad you were wrong. You looked up at him through dazed eyes.

“I would love that.” you smiled sweetly and you planted a small kiss on his lips. He pulled your blanket over the both of you. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

—

You were woken up by the sunlight pouring into your window. The memories of the night prior flooded back into your mind. You almost couldn’t believe it happened, and when you look the man holding you right now it was him. The way the sun was hitting him made him even prettier. He moved one of his hands to run him as he woke up and adjusted to the sunlight. He looked down at you who was already looking at him.

“Good morning.” His voice was low and laced with sleep.

“Good morning.” You gave him a tired smile. He sat up and pulled you onto his lap. You lazily put your arms around his neck. His hands were softly holding your waist. He looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes. He grabbed your chin and pulled you into a kiss. It was sweet and different from last night. There was no rush.

“As much as I want to spend this morning with you, you should probably leave before my brother wakes up,” he looked at you with a fake look of disappointment. You pick up your phone and check the time, “But we have another 20 minutes til his alarm goes off.”

“Oh. Well in that case,” He turns you both over so now he’s laying on top of you, “We better make these next 20 minutes count.”

[dovveri]

strangers

synopsis: trainee life is a lot tougher than you thought, but with three other trainees you met along the way, you have a little more hope that it’ll all be worth it in the end.

warnings: bad eating habits, mentions of vomiting and self-induced vomiting, swearing, suggestive, TOE-SUCKING, alcohol and parties, lots of feelings and trainee life angst

w/c: 19.2k !!!!! why is this like half of my entire bachelorette series jeezus

a/n: requested!! i actually dont fill reqs this quick but i had the idea alr and i lwk love writing poly i just think its so much messier and more confusing and FUN so writing this came a lot easier than writing other reqs do. also u lwk only have to read half of this and be happy yippee happily ever after OR u can potentially hurt urself and enjoy the angst but idk it’s not THAT bad so 🤗

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

“y/n?”

you blink, tilting your head up from your hiding spot under the table in the recording studio. it’s nayeon, one of the korean trainees. you hurriedly wipe your eyes on your sleeve, stumbling upwards and almost knocking your head on the bottom of the table.

“s-sorry. were you using this room? i’ll get out now-“

“no no! it’s okay i was just going to get some practice in and i saw you. are you… are you okay?” you appreciate her speaking slower for you, your grasp of korean still wasn’t the best.

“y-yeah i’m fine. i’ll just- leave you to it- sorry again-“

“are you sure? today’s actually my day off so i don’t have to be doing anything. i’m happy to just listen if you want…?”

you gulp, avoiding her gaze, nayeon was one of the trainees that everyone knew would most likely make it. you didn’t see much of her because she was always off on side jobs filming as a background dancer for music videos, booking small modelling gigs, and she was generally in more advanced classes than yours and was even set to debut in a group with a few others before the idea was scrapped. she was steadily making a name for herself even before the public knew her, something you couldn’t help but be envious of. but here she was, offering to listen to you of all people.

“i- um-“

“it’s okay. you can take your time.” she smiles sweetly, “i tried to take a few english classes but it’s a lot more difficult than i thought it’d be. so i can understand how hard it must be to come to a different country and learn a whole new language.”

“t-thank you. i was just um- i was actually just thinking about calling home and… and quitting.”

she nods, eyes filled with empathy, waiting for you to continue.

“i just- don’t think i can make it. there’s so many talented people here and this has always been my dream but i’m just not good enough and i don’t even- it doesn’t even make sense for me to be here when i could be back home getting an education or i don’t know- doing something with my life.”

“you don’t think what you’re doing now is something?”

you sigh, gripping your arm firmly, "it- it is but i don't know if it's all going to work out in the end."

"and you think going back home and going to school will guarantee things working out for you?"

"well- i- no, not for certain but-"

"so isn't the only difference that you actually want to do this? you don't want to end up working an office job for the rest of your life right?"

"but- like i'm more likely to get an office job than i am to debut-"

"i'm sure the office jobs will wait for you. idol life won't. if you don't make it, then the office job will always be there right? it's up to you though, i'm not trying to convince you to stay or leave, i just think it's a shame when you have a real chance at getting what you've dreamt of your whole life. you were scouted weren't you? did you know i auditioned to get in? and i had to hide it from my family because they didn't think this was a realistic job prospect, not when i was still in high school. so if you think you don't belong here, just remember you beat out other auditionees to get your spot as a trainee here, so you were good enough for that." she smiles brightly, her two protruding front teeth proudly on display, giving her the adorable likeability to a rabbit.

her words bring you back from the edge of panic, you've always looked at her through a lens of jealousy, wishing you had as much natural talent and star power as she did, but right now, you could see she was so much more than that, and you respected her for it, admired her for it.

"thank you nayeon." you finally meet the older girl's eyes, and her smile grows even brighter.

"of course. do you have any training schedules to get to right now? or do you want to stay here and practice some vocal chords with me?"

"would that be okay?" your eyes widen at her offer.

"yes! don't be silly y/n i know we're all meant to be competing or whatever but we're most likely going to debut in a group right? we can't just be out for each other's throats all the time."

you smile, finding her attitude refreshing, most of the trainees you had met were exactly like that, and you felt even more isolated when it was obvious they made no effort to get to know you because of the language barrier, to them, it was just another advantage they had over you.

"c'mon. let's see what you got."

your motivation reinvigorated, you spend the rest of the afternoon cooped up in the recording studio with nayeon, practicing together but also joking around and laughing, being the kids you were in an industry that stripped you of that freedom.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

"これの読み方を知っていますか?"

"いいえ、私は愚かです."

you shuffle uncomfortably in your seat, unable to shake the insecurity that they were talking about you. you were currently in your intensive korean class, waiting for the teacher to appear. the class was mostly quiet, except for the two girls sitting a table away from you, whispering and laughing, pushing each other around playfully.

when you glance towards them again, one of them meets your eye. you panic, whipping your head back down to your open textbook.

the girl who saw you whispers something to her seatmate, nodding towards you, bringing the other girl's attention to you as well.

you strain to see what they're doing in your peripheral vision, but the little giggles and whispers have you shrinking in even more on yourself, thinking they were making fun of you for whatever reason.

you don't notice when the one who spotted you first is suddenly standing next to you. she waits for you to acknowledge her, but when you don't she giggles again, leaning down and tilting her head so you had to look at her.

"hi. my name sana. you?"

"y-y/n."

"y/n? nice to meet you! that momo." she steps back a little and points at the other girl who waves shyly at you. you stare back at her, dumbfounded, reciprocating her wave.

"you... korean good?"

you blink, unsure of what to say, "umm... it's okay i guess."

sana grins, all teeth, almost blinding you, running back to her seat and picking up her textbook, skipping back towards you and plopping down in the empty seat next to you. she points at the page, "how to do?"

you look down to the question she has circled, it was part of the homework set from the last lesson. you flick back to that page in your own textbook, showing her and trying to explain with gestures what it was asking.

when it clicks, that blinding smile graces her features again, her eyes lighting up and quickly scribbling down the answer. then she turns to momo who seemed to be doodling little drawings all over her workbook instead of studying.

"モモリ馬鹿野郎 ! これがあなたのやり方です."

you shrink back into your seat, thinking she was done with you, only needing you to help her with her homework, and now that she was done, she could go back to making fun of you.

but instead, momo looks over curiously, standing up and hovering over the two of you. sana starts talking in rapid japanese, her hands flailing around excitedly.

momo nods along, and then she seems to get a moment of realisation, her eyebrows raising and mouth opening in the shape of an o, an "ahh!" escaping her.

sana looks back to you, "thank you! you so smart!"

you still don't really follow their conversation but you nod, shyly rubbing the back of your neck, "it's okay."

"we sit here?"

"sorry?"

sana frowns, an adorable pout forming on her lips, thinking over how to say what she wants. then she grabs momo's hand, gesturing between the both of them, "friends!", then she grabs your hand, gesturing between the three of you now, "friends?"

your hand is sweaty against sana's, you take note of how soft it feels against yours, heart stumbling a little over itself. you nod sheepishly, not expecting sana to grin, pulling you into a hug immediately.

momo goes to grab her things, and then settles into the seat on your other side, "sorry for her. she very huggy."

sana pouts, flicking momo's forehead playfully after she pulls away from you, "you like it too."

momo giggles, rolling her eyes.

things were moving so fast your brain was playing catch up. you knew the people here were a lot more affectionate than back home, but you still felt your heart racing from being in such close proximity with sana, and now momo too, the both of them squeezed against you and conversing lightly in broken korean and japanese while waiting for the teacher. it wasn't unwelcome though, this was the first time someone had asked you in such a straightforward way to become friends, it was refreshing, definitely better than the trainees in your vocal and dance classes who refused to interact with you at all.

when the teacher finally comes, he looks a little surprised at the change in seating, but doesn't comment on it, diving straight into the lesson.

sana and momo both try their best to keep up, sana remains fully engaged in the lesson, asking plenty of questions, while momo is the opposite. she's easily distracted, when the teacher goes on one of his off topic rants, she starts doodling in her textbook again, you repress a laugh at the stick men she drew frolicking around in fields with rainbows and stars. you can't help yourself but bring your pen to her page, adding a little deranged dog to her drawing.

she looks at you in surprise, but lets you finish, giggling at the result and drawing in some fur for the dog, fixing up your sorry attempt at a puppy.

the class finishes uneventfully after that. momo yawns, closing her book with relief while sana stretches, standing up and grinning down at the both of you.

momo looks at her warily, squinting, "what?"

"what?"

"you have not good look on your face. what you do?"

"what do you mean momoring?" sana's grin only grows wider.

"i don't want to get in trouble again."

"you woooon't. what you think y/n? want to sneak out get fried chicken and beer?"

momo groans, slumping down on her desk, muttering to herself in japanese while sana laughs at her reaction.

you look between the both of them, raising an eyebrow. you knew you shouldn't, but you hadn't had real food in so long, the company's strict diet and weight requirements always on all of your minds. and you hadn't really gone out and explored korea since you arrived. you'd pretty much been confined to the dorms and the company building, eating cafeteria food and living the same routine everyday, you knew the korean trainees would often get together after late night practices and have small gatherings the company wouldn't know about, but you were never invited to those.

you grin cheekily, "you have a plan?"

sana laughs, pulling you up to stand, hugging you once again in glee, "yay!! i knew we good friends! of course, it's not the first time momoring and i have snuck out." she pulls away with a wink.

momo grumbles behind you, slowly standing up as well, "last time you got us caught you said we were helping 'clean the streets'. stupid. we had extra exercise requirements for two weeks."

"we won't get caught this time! i promise! and if we do i pay for all our food."

momo perks up at that, eyeing sana, then holding out her pinky.

sana giggles, linking their pinkies and then dragging momo by their pinkies, and you by your hand out of the classroom and back towards the dorms to get ready.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

"sana- move!" momo grunts, shuffling around in clothes too big for her, a cap that dipped over her eyes, and a mask to hide her face.

"shh! you're gonna get us caught!"

"no you are!"

"okay they're gone let's go." sana slinks forward in similar attire, careful to avoid the security cameras, flapping a sleeve behind her frantically to gesture the both of you to follow. momo glances at you, rolling her eyes but smiling, tiptoeing forward and following sana.

you're body is surging with adrenaline. you had always been a 'good' kid. you've never tried sneaking out of anywhere before. you were also trying to hold in your laughter at how stupid the three of you must look, the sunglasses covering your eyes while indoors and at 9pm at night glazing your vision.

you make it halfway across the main entrance, almost to the exit, hands shoved in your pockets.

"... y/n?"

you pause, heart pounding. the two in front of you stop as well, sana looks back at you in alarm.

you decide the best course of action is to pretend you didn't hear them. after all, they couldn't be sure you were yourself right now right? the absurd disguises made sure of that. you take another step forward.

"y/n what are you wearing? you look like vector from despicable me."

curse sana for lending you that naruto cosplay. you forgot how visible your disguise was.

you turn on your heel slowly, terribly embarrassed to have been discovered like this, mind scrambling to come up with an excuse for what the three of you were doing.

but you're stopped in your tracks when you realise who was teasing you with a wide grin, two front teeth on display. she laughs when she finally sees you, it's loud and bright, it'd scare you away if you hadn't already heard it plenty of times from her when she had found you in the practice room that day.

"you look so stupid. wait-" she whips out her phone, and before you can protest, she snaps a quick picture, laughing at her phone after checking the result.

"nayeonn!"

"i can't believe you tried to sneak out wearing that."

you pout, crossing your arms protectively over yourself, "i wasn't trying to sneak out!"

she raises an eyebrow, "yeah and i'm not gorgeous." she jokes sarcastically, before peeking over your shoulder and nodding behind you, "and who are those two losers behind you?"

you turn, taking off your ridiculous sunglasses and waving to let them know you were fine and to join you. sana tilts her head curiously, moving back towards you, tugging along momo who takes off her cap, blowing her hair out of her face.

"oh! you're the japanese duo that came here on the same day! i'm sorry i don't remember your names but i saw you dance and you were incredible." she directs the last part at momo, who blushes at the compliment, nodding and hiding behind her hair. sana grins though, bowing down and bringing momo down with her.

"i'm sana! this is momo!"

"nayeon. it's nice to meet you both." nayeon smiles sweetly, bowing as well and gesturing for them to stand up. "where were you guys headed?"

"chicken and beer! you want to come?" sana quips happily, excited to meet anyone new.

"how were you guys going to get beer?" nayeon jokes with a smirk.

sana tilts her head confusedly, she looks adorable in the clothes that drown her.

"you're all underage right?"

sana looks to you in confusion, not seeming to understand what underage meant.

"ah- none of us are 18..." you gesture to the three of you.

sana makes a sound of exclamation, not having thought about that particular detail.

nayeon laughs brightly, finding the japanese girl's antiques endearing. "good thing you have me then! c'mon. i know the best place as well, and no one from the company will go around there so we won't get caught." she winks, pulling a mask and cap out of her jacket pocket and slipping it on.

you blink, surprised at the change in events.

nayeon shrugs, "always gotta be ready if we're training to be idols right?" you can see the smirk in her eyes, before she charges forward without an answer and leads the four of you into the night.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

your shoulder hurt.

there's another bout of laughter, you flinch, preparing yourself.

sure enough, nayeon's large hands come clapping down on your arm, you wince, trying to smile your way through the sting of each slap.

it doesn't help when sana realises why you look constipated, cracking up even more pointing at you with a hand over her mouth, which makes nayeon laugh again for absolutely no other reason than that you were all wasted.

"nayeonnie calm down- you're going to kill y/n-" sana chokes out between giggles.

nayeon blinks, looking at you, face brightly flushed. she pouts, leaning in close, "what did i do?"

you flush even brighter, blaming the alcohol and not the way nayeon's eyes are glued to your lips, squinting and trying to focus on one part of your face only with her wobbly vision. you push her off of you gently, rubbing at your shoulder with a grimace, "you hit people when you're drunk.""

nayeon coos, chasing after you, "awwwwwh did i hurt you? poor baby. here lemme kiss it better." nayeon purses her lips together, pushing her face towards you while you whine and laugh, trying to push her away.

sana pipes up at the word, "kiss? who are we kissing? i wanna kiss!"

momo snorts, playing around with the bottle cap of the soju you had gotten to after you had all decided the beer wasn't enough. her face is probably the most flushed of you all, but she was also probably the most sane of you all currently. "don't you kiss enough?"

sana whines, poking momo's cheek, "no! you don't let me! c'mere-" she leans forward, tickling momo's sides, trying to get her to let her defenses down and land one on her. momo laughs, pushing sana off, scrambling away in urgency.

you aren't faring much better, but then you get an idea, "sanaaa! kiss nayeon! she's trying to get me!"

sana turns to you both, and she's never one to turn down a kiss so she leans across the table, yanking nayeon's head towards her and pulling her away from you. but what surprises you is when she plants a sloppy kiss right on the eldest's lips.

you look at momo, expecting to see a similar look reflected, but she rolls her eyes, calmly picking up the bottle and bringing it to her lips again to take a sip.

they break away with a smack, exaggerated on sana's end who giggles and licks her lips, grabbing the bottle from momo and taking a sip as well.

nayeon blinks, her brain seeming to catch up with her body 2 seconds late. when she realises what happens, she stands up abruptly with a screech, her metal chair scraping against the floor in pain. you wince at the sound, but laugh when you catch her face, now brighter than momo's, hand over her mouth in shock. sana and momo easily join you, cackling as nayeon flails around, sounds coming out of her mouth in incoherent phrases.

it seems the shop owner has had enough of the four of you though.

"yah! out! all of you! bedtime! 2am now! go go!" you all continue laughing as you're ushered out of your seats. you're all too drunk to notice the way the shop owner has fondly been watching you for the last few hours, cleaning around and keeping her shop open later than she normally opens, recalling the days she was young and stupid as well. she shouts at you while she pushes you out the door, but she also shoves a plastic bag of takeaway chicken into your hands as she pushes you out, telling you all to go home and not to cause too much trouble at this time of night.

you all laugh and thank her, sana even goes to kiss her cheek, cooing at how adorable she was in her apron and wrinkles.

when you've finally calmed down and take in the chill air of the night sky, you shiver a little, the alcohol sloshing around in your body not enough to keep you warm.

momo sidles up next to you, linking your hands together easily and pulling you against her.

you grin at her, tightening your grip around her hand that she's shoved into the warm pocket of her jacket pocket.

the peace is quickly disrupted when nayeon sends a stumbled kick your way from behind you. she misses though, tripping over herself and almost falling face-flat onto the ground save for sana hooking onto her waist quickly, pulling her back up with a laugh.

nayeon wraps an arm around sana's shoulder, thanking her for the support. "yah. you two. kiss. i can't be the only one who had to kiss someone today."

sana pouts, "why do you say that like you didn't like it?"

nayeon sputters, squinting up at sana from her slouched position, her weight almost entirely leaning on sana, "no i didn't- i didn't mean it like- no but- ugh-"

sana giggles, shuffling around so she can accommodate nayeon better.

momo turns her head, "no way loser. you two only kissed because you're both so kissy."

"what does that even mean?!"

"sana kisses everyone when she's drunk. and you're just as bad nayeon. i don't know how you can go drinking with just one person. you need at least 2 or 3 to hold you up when you get drunk." momo teases, sticking out her tongue.

"respect your elders you little shit!"

you all laugh at that, nayeon may have gotten you all drinks but she wasn't that much older than you. and she looks hilarious bringing a fist up in the air and waving it around like a little angry old lady, too much spite in too little a body, it was cute.

"wait... so the only one i haven't kissed yet is y/n?"

you freeze, ready to make a run for it at the earliest sign of danger.

nayeon grins, pushing sana off of her and towards you, "let's change that!"

your eyes widen, legs tensing up, ready to rush forward, you pull your intertwined hands out of momo's pocket. but right as you're about to take off, momo smirks, yanking you backwards and spinning you around until you're met with the soft, ready lips sana has wating for you.

"mmf-!"

your eyes are squeezed shut when momo spun you, terrified of falling onto your face, but now all you can feel is her hand still holding yours, sana's coming up to steady your hips, her lips pressing against yours gently.

all too quickly, she breaks away with a giggle, licking her lips again. it must be a habit.

you stare at her dumbly, mouth hanging open, lips tingling with the faint taste of strawberry soju.

nayeon has ended up on the floor without anyone supporting her, cackling loudly and pointing at your dumbfounded look.

momo stifles a few chuckles as well, her hand still wrapped tightly around yours.

sana simply smiles, closing your mouth with her hand, brushing a thumb over your jaw in the process, then tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

you flush up immediately, whipping around and staring at the floor, the tips of your ears bright red.

sana laughs, cooing, "awwwwh! you're so cute! look at her guys! she's blushing!"

"no!" you speak up indignantly, voice squeaky, "i'm just drunk!"

"you're more red than me!" momo joins in, trying to get a look at your face better with a laugh, her nose scrunching up in glee.

you whine, trying to pull away from her, but she doesn't let your hand go, so you end up pulling her along with you as you stomp forward, eager to get home and away from your teasing new friends.

sana laughs, running after you both.

that left nayeon, still on the floor in the middle of the street at 3am. "guys! hey guys! don't forget me! come back! hey- wait!"

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

the four of you grow easily close after that night. and it helps that by chance, you're all allocated into the same dorm room for the new year. it's definitely a surprise since nayeon was one of the company's top trainees, and the rest of you were foreigners and had only been around for about 2 months. you'd heard it was meant to help the three of you get better at korean, having to converse in korean daily with a korean roommate so that existing friends like sana and momo couldn't get away with just talking in japanese when they were in the comfort of their dorms. plus, it seemed both sana and momo were making a name for themselves amongst the trainees as well for their bubbly idol personality and raw talent respectively.

"how's this?" nayeon comes out of the bathroom and does a little twirl, her hair already curled and makeup applied dazzlingly. she's wearing a pretty silk white dress with little blue bows decorating it, matching the blue ribbons she's used in her hair.

sana squeals, immediately bounding upwards and poking at her. "it's so cute! when did you get this?!"

"the last family trip i went on! are you sure it's okay?" nayeon pouts.

but then momo yells out from behind her, still doing her eyeliner in your shared bathroom mirror, "you look fine stop digging for compliments."

sana laughs cheerily when nayeon sputters back at her, latching onto the older girl and pecking her cheek, "it's okay nayeonnie i don't mind. i'll praise you anytime you want." there's a slight lilt to her voice, she finishes with a wink.

nayeon blushes immediately, but tries to cover for it by turning to you. "y/n? what do you think?"

you roll your eyes from your spot on sana's bed, more focused on applying the dark blue nail polish on your hands. "it's pretty."

"just pretty?" you can hear the pout in her voice.

you sigh exasperatedly, looking up at her in mock annoyance. "you're gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, exquisite, glamorous, everyone at the party will have their eyes on you."

you can hear momo fake gag from the bathroom, and sana bursting into giggles. but nayeon crosses her arms, frowning, "you see when you list it out like that it makes it a little harder to believe."

"ugh nayeon! you look good! what more do you want from me!"

she laughs, leaning down to squish your cheeks together affectionately, "thanks darling, i love my little thesaurus."

you grumble, careful not to get the drying nail polish onto sana's sheets. sana comes back to her position next to you, grabbing your hands and starting to blow on your fingers.

"what time does the party start again?" momo yells out from the bathroom, slipping into her outfit for the night.

"like... 10 minutes ago but it's fine. no one interesting is gonna get there on time." nayeon squeezes in next to you as well, leaning her head on your shoulder.

"that's because you're only interested in yourself."

"hey! i can revoke my invite to all of you!"

"you wanted us to go because you'd be, quote, bored out of your mind with all those mindless prepubescent boys trying to get in your pants! besides, we all got our own invites anyway."

"what?! why didn't you tell me?!"

"you were so cute thinking you were doing us all a solid or something for inviting us." sana speaks up with a giggle, "we couldn't break that!"

"you couldn't sana! i wanted to tell her and shove it up her proud ass but you just love to watch cute girls fumble around don't you?"

sana giggles again, going back to blowing on your nails.

but then momo steps out of the bathroom, clad in a very short bodycon dress, her makeup and hair fully done, the dress cutting open at her midriff showing off toned abs, pretty gold necklace decorating her neck, outlining her collarbones and the plunging neckline that pretty much ended at her belly button, tying together the cutout.

the three of you all stare at her, eyes roaming over the mass of skin, mouths open in... shock.

sana licks her lips slowly, eyes not bothering to meet her best friend's again, "you look... good."

momo smirks, imitating what's meant to be nayeon, "just good?"

nayeon bristles then, snapping out of her stupor, "shut up momo. don't you think you're... showing a bit too much skin?"

momo starts looking around for her shoes, bending over criminally with her back to you all, it's almost comedic how all three of your gazes lock onto her ass immediately. "this is nothing compared to some of the outfits they put us in when we do our showcases. besides, it's not like you can talk." she snorts, turning back around with heels in hand, her smirk never leaving her face as she watches the three of you, knowing exactly what you were doing.

"yeah but you'll... get cold."

"it's an indoor party."

"shut up!"

she laughs, standing back up after slipping into her shoes, "okay! ready to go?"

you gulp, standing up shakily, forcing you to look at her face and not ogle your friend's very attractive body. "y-yeah. took you all long enough."

"you finished practice earlier than us, you had more time to get ready. now let's go losers."

she leads the charge out your tiny shared room, nayeon gets up and follows grumpily. you look back down to sana who's still got her gaze locked on the way both girls' hips sway with each step. you roll your eyes, poking sana and dragging her up with a laugh. sana lets you, her brain short-circuiting, only able to be tugged along.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

you honestly had no idea how a party of this scale went unnoticed by the company. there were so many trainees you recognised, and even a few idols that were lesser known to the public. it was at someone's house, you don't remember who's, but there was no way you could've gotten away with a party this size back at the dorms.

music was blasting, drinks were being circulated, people were dancing and grinding up against each other. it wasn't a surprise to see the amount of rowdiness going on, that's what happened when you force a bunch of teenagers to undergo strict training and diet regimes, and forbid anything that could get anyone into any sorts of controversies in the future in case you made it and got famous.

the four of you had naturally split up when you arrived, being pulled away by different friends and people wanting to greet you. you spot momo on the dance floor already, not that it was difficult to seperate her from everyone else. sure you were all trainees and went through mandatory dance class, but everyone knew momo was something else when it came to dance. she had an aura about her, one that made people back up and give her space, circling her on the crowded floor and watching in awe of her moves.

you can hear nayeon before you spot her. she's with jihyo and jeongyeon, two other trainees that she was set to debut with, and granted, was naturally close with. they were all top-notch trainees at the company, everyone knew of them, knew that the next group coming out of jyp would most likely include the three of them.

that left sana, someone people naturally gravitated towards. her adorable happy-go-lucky energy was infectious, it was impossible not to fall in love with her at first sight. she was currently surrounded by a crowd of people, laughing and smiling, face tinged with the pink of alcohol.

eventually, someone gets people together for a game of spin the bottle. you're all sitting in a big circle in a room away from the rest of the party, chattering excitedly with the buzz of liquors, an empty soju bottle laying in the middle of you all.

"okay party people! game time!" the original host of the party, jackson wang, saunters in with a charming grin, plopping himself down between mark and jeongyeon. "so i'm gonna assume we all know how spin the bottle works. and if you don't... well you'll find out! who wants to go first!"

everyone looks around at everyone, antsy, unwilling to go first. jackson rolls his eyes, "alright losers. guess it's me." he bends forward and spins the bottle. everyone watches with anticipation, breaths held.

it lands on one of the younger trainees, ryujin. she makes a face of disgust, cringing, but jackson ignores it, quickly swooping in and kissing her.

when they break away, ryujin quickly downs her cup of whatever concoction of alcohol she has, wiping at her lips and pushing him off of her playfully. jackson laughs, backing away and returning to his seat. ryujin goes forward, places her fingers on the bottle, then spins it.

again, you all wait in anticipation, eyes locked on the dizzying movement, until it slowly lands on bambam.

ryujin groans again, bambam looks like he just won the lottery. "nope! i'm not kissing one of you gross guys again, jackson tasted like he doesn't know what a toothbrush is. gimme a dare."

there are shouts of disapproval, but ryujin ignores them all, sitting on her haunches, unmoving.

"okay just because you made that totally untrue comment about my breath, i'll give you one worse than kissing bam." jackson looks around the room, thinking to himself, mark whispers something in his ear and they both snicker, "alright. suck someone's toes for 10 seconds."

"pfft is that meant to be a dare?" ryujin easily leans forward, pulling yeji's sock off and immediately wrapping her lips around her toe. yeji squeals, trying to pull her foot away but ryujin is persistent amongst everyone's hollering and cheering, counting down the seconds.

she finally breaks away with a laugh, making a show of licking her lips while yeji blushes, yelling at her and slapping her arm, shoving her drink into her hand and making her rinse out her mouth.

bambam shyly goes forward next, he spins the bottle, and it lands on nayeon. his eyebrows almost get lost in his hairline with how far up they go, his head shooting up and looking at nayeon who was leaning on jihyo heavily, still laughing at the whole ryujin-yeji situation.

his boys clap him on the back with a cheer, pushing him forward towards the older girl. nayeon blinks, turning her attention to him, realising he had spun her.

her eyes meet yours for a second, and then they flit around the room, landing on sana and momo respectively, it's so quick you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't already locked on her gaze.

bambam moves forward shyly, kneeling in front of her, unsure of what to do. she leans back a little as he comes closer, putting on an encouraging smile, looking up at him.

he takes a breath, then dives down, you can hear their teeth clacking as he accidentally goes in too aggressively, nayeon cringes, but tries to make up for it by tilting her head, pressing her lips against his, trying to urge him to slow down, but bambam moves almost too eagerly, like he's eating her up. in the end, nayeon has to gently push him off of her to get him to stop, he looks dazed as he collapses back in his spot, bright blush on his face all the way down to his neck. nayeon tries to look polite and laughs it off, moving forward and quickly spinning the bottle to move everyone along.

only for it land on momo.

"oh hell no." they both say simultaneously, blushing furiously and gaping at each other from across the circle. you catch sana's eye, supressing a laugh as you look between the two of them.

"dare! i pick dare!"

sana perks up, taking the opportunity immediately, "okay i dare you to kiss momo!"

the boys around the circle all laugh, agreeing with her energetically, starting up a chant. momo sends a death glare towards sana, who just sticks out her tongue at her, making an exaggerated kissy face mimicking momo and nayeon kissing.

with no choice, nayeon shuffles forward, crouching down in front of momo who can't look her in the eye.

"don't fall in love with me or anything hirai."

that gets momo to snort, meeting nayeon's equally nervous gaze, "as if i'll be able to think about anything other than getting rid of the taste of you-" she's cut off, nayeon leaning down to plant her lips on her in haste.

momo blinks at first in confusion, then she's closing her eyes and circling a hand around nayeon's neck, pulling her in just a little closer and returning the kiss. they ignore the roar of the crowd, nayeon thinks to herself how much better momo's lips felt against her own than bambam's teeth did.

that thought quickly rips her away though, scrambling backwards and wiping at her lips in mock disgust, laughing breathily with a pretty blush adorning her face.

momo looks on after her, her expression unreadable. after things settle down again, momo leans forward, spinning the bottle.

sana doesn't even give anyone the chance to think, sliding forward and into momo's lap, cupping her cheek and bringing their lips together. momo reacts automatically, hands circling sana's hips and slotting them together, like they've done this countless times in the past.

watching nayeon and momo kiss was silly, fun, but this, this was something different. you glance at nayeon, who has a hand at her lips, staring at sana and momo make out in front of everyone, eyebrows furrowed slightly. you look back, swearing you can see the hint of a pink tongue poke out from sana, momo's hands tightening around the other girl's hips in reaction, before sana finally breaks away. she stands up, sauntering back to her spot with a proud grin, people are cheering, throwing confetti, bowing down to her as if she just brought rain down in a drought. she thrives in the attention. momo on the other hand is breathing heavily, expression shielded behind her hair, biting her lip and clenching her thighs together.

sana does a round around the inside of the circle, giggling and skipping along in her little pink slip. she finally arrives back to her original spot, bending down and spinning the bottle.

it lands on one of the younger trainees, dahyun. sana smiles sweetly, crawling forward. she whispers a few words to dahyun, who nods shyly, breath picking up, then sana leans in, just pecking her before pulling away again. nothing like the kiss she shared with momo.

you decide you need a drink.

at this point in the night, the kitchen is thankfully much less chaotic. most people are playing the game, on the dance floor, or passed out around the house.

you spoon a ladle of the jungle juice that probably has ludicrous amounts of liquor in it into your cup, gulping it down thirstily. you don't know why you suddenly felt so stifled in that room, feeling hot even in the little cropped top and skirt you're wearing.

"y/n?"

you turn, of course it's your three roommates, all looking very concerned for you.

"hey. you okay?" sana comes up to you first, cupping your cheeks, placing the back of her hand on the front of your forehead.

you wave her off with a chuckle, "yeah i'm fine guys. why did you leave the game?"

"because you left." momo says simply, taking the cup you're still holding in your hand away from you, sniffing the contents.

"you didn't have to do that. i was just taking a water break."

"riiiight. water." momo raises an eyebrow unimpressively, pouring the rest of your drink down the sink nearby.

"i'm fine though seriously! you guys should get back to the game."

"you're not coming?" sana pouts.

"not really feeling it anymore."

"do you wanna go home?" nayeon speaks up then, coming forward to lean on sana's back, her face resting on sana's shoulder, looking up at you with wide eyes.

"what? no! you guys have fun. seriously, stop worrying about me i'm fine!"

"we can't have fun without you."

"i'm sure you can."

"no. we're not the four of us without you. we're just... the three of us." sana tilts her head like a confused puppy, her proximity to you making you dizzy, you're not sure if it's the alcohol, or the fact that she was so close, but you can only focus on her lips, which then remind you of the way her lips had been on momo's lips, that had been on nayeon's lips. yeah you were definitely a little more than dizzy.

"wooahh- too much to drink i think." momo sidles up next to you, catching your waist, and holding you up against her. she jokes, "didn't think you'd be the same kinda drunk as nayeon y/n. i don't know if we have enough personnel to take care of the both of you."

you groan, pushing yourself back onto your own two feet, leaning back against the kitchen bench, "don't compare me to that trainwreck."

"hey!"

you all laugh, sana's hands coming down to squeeze nayeon's that are around her waist, turning to peck her cheek.

"i'm getting tired anyway. let's go home."

"what? guys no- you don't have to do this for me- you can stay-"

"we're not doing this for you idiot. i wanna sleep too. i'm gonna be grumpy tomorrow morning if we don't get enough sleep and i have dance practice with jyp."

"you're always grumpy in the mornings momoring."

"no i'm not!"

"yes you are." nayeon quips.

"shut up or i'll kiss you again im."

that makes everyone pause, processing the words in their head. momo doesn't even seem to realise what she's said, staring fiercely back at nayeon, only focused on winning their little bouts of banter.

you all stand in the kitchen in awkward silence, looking nervously at each other, unsure of what to say.

eventually sana speaks up, laughing edgily. "are y/n and i interrupting something orr...?"

"what?! no?!" they both speak up, protesting loudly.

you laugh, trying to ease the tension that seems to have come out of nowhere. "i could've said that about you and momo sana. that was some kiss." that was probably not the right thing to say to ease the tension.

"that's nothing. sana and i kiss all the time." momo brushes you off, shrugging, but sana looks hurt at the her words.

"nothing?"

"wait what do you mean all the time?"

momo blushes, looking between sana and nayeon. but sana's easily emotional feelings, amplified by her intoxication, have her eyes watering, sending momo straight into panic mode. "wait no- that's not what i meant satang-"

"then what did you mean?" sana frowns, you weren't sure if she was genuinely angry now or still playing around.

"i don't- satang i'm stupid we know this i just say stupid shit- things just come out of my mouth i didn't mean it like that-"

"then in what way did you mean it momoring?" her tone is clipped, throat scratchy.

"satang this isn't fair-"

"what isn't?"

"c'mon- satang please-"

all of a sudden, sana lurches forward, pressing her lips against momo's, trapping her against the kitchen counter. nayeon falls onto you without sana holding her up, you quickly grab her waist, supporting her, but both your eyes move back to sana and momo quickly.

they're kissing for real this time, not like when they were putting on a show for everyone else during the game. and you're both close enough you can hear the wet smacks of lips against lips, the little gasps and whimpers, every breath they take in between each kiss. momo's hands have come up to tangle in sana's hair, pulling her closer, their bodies meeting and moving against each other like they were made for each other.

you squirm slightly under nayeon, hands gripping her waist tighter at the sight, the dizzy feeling from earlier returning full force. you try and force yourself to focus on something else, it was probably a bit weird, to be so close, staring as your two closest friends made out, but you couldn't bring yourself to look away, your gaze lidded at the rushed pace, tongues clashing and being sucked into mouths.

you can tell nayeon is feeling very similarly, her hot breath hitting your lips at a faster pace than normal, laboured with excitement.

there's a crashing sound from upstairs where they were playing the game, followed by loud whooping and cheering. it pops the bubble that's formed between the four of you. sana breaks away from momo, panting, hands having come in to hold onto the other girl's hips, pushing her into the bench further having squeezed their bodies together as close as possible.

"w-was that- nothing?" her voice comes out hoarse and in a whisper, still catching her breath.

momo can't speak, her eyes still tightly shut, shaking her head in response.

"then what was it?"

momo groans, knocking her forehead against sana's gently, "don't ask me that sana." her voice is also laced with shaky breaths.

"why not?"

"it's confusing. you know i can't handle thinking about that much."

"am i confusing?"

she shakes her head again, but then points to you and nayeon, drawing a circle between the four of you, "this is confusing."

that gives sana pause, thinking over the possible implications of momo's words, taking the chance to catch her breath. then she looks up to the both of you, her eyes dragging up from the way you're still clutching nayeon's waist tightly, before meeting yours. the eye contact sends shivers down your spine, even when her eyes leave yours to stare into nayeon's, you can still feel all your senses on alert, breath held, tensions at an all time high.

sana's head tilts again, considering the both of you. then, she seems to come to a decision, and she's just as quick as she always is.

before you realise it, her lips are on yours, hand cupping your cheek, the other wrapped around nayeon to keep her there.

it's nothing like that first kiss you shared weeks ago. that was a simple peck, there and gone. this time, sana's moving her lips against yours, fingers caressing your cheek, down to your neck, lips soft and wet, panting directly into your mouth.

momo forces her eyes open, staring at you and sana kiss with hooded eyes. hands coming back down to grip the bench behind her, knuckles almost turning white from how hard she was holding onto it.

sana breaks away from you, but without taking a breath, turns her head, and starts kissing nayeon.

nayeon is only slightly surprised, almost all her weight leaning on you, gripping the back of your top tightly, reciprocating sana's kiss with as much vigor as sana gives.

when they finally break apart, you're all still breathing heavily, looking between each other, tension surmounting, thousands of words unsaid.

it's nayeon that speaks up first this time. she whistles lowly, letting out a small chuckle, "so... that wasn't... nothing."

"no." momo agrees. their eyes meet.

sana rolls her eyes, getting impatient, "so do you two wanna fuck or do you wanna fight?"

neither of them protest this time, they don't even laugh it off, you can all feel the very real pressure in the air.

"dunno. i think i need a..." momo licks her lips, "another taste to know." then she leans forward, capturing nayeon's lips with her own, straight up moaning at the contact. your thighs clench together at the sound. all of this was getting too much for your dumb little drunk brain. you had been spectating more than you had been involved, and it'd be a lie if you said you weren't turned on by it all.

nayeon and momo's kiss is different from sana's kisses. they're both aggressive, fighting for dominance, their natural banter translated onto their lips, grunts and gasps, trying to one-up each other.

eventually, they break away, but momo transitions straight over to you.

"need to compare." she mumbles lowly before attaching her lips to yours. she's much more gentle with you, teasing your mouth open before dipping her tongue inside, you whine against her, hips moving of their own accord when they grind up into nayeon who's still leaning on you for support.

you hear nayeon swear under her breath, regaining some of her drunk-addled consciousness to grip your hips roughly to stop you from doing that again. but that's the end of her control, she leans in, close enough so momo and you can both hear her, just inches away from your mouths moving against each other.

"my turn."

momo obliges, breaking away from you, only for nayeon to latch on. you can still hear momo's rough breathing next to your ear while your lips start moving against nayeon's, once again, with a completely different kissing style to momo and sana. she's slow and languid, pressed against your lips until you're just about to be out of breath, before breaking away and coming back in. she finishes with a little kitten lick on your upper lip, you whine, pushing your hips against her hands as she growls, pushing you back into the counter.

sana's spent the entire time watching all of you, having enough time to even pour herself another much needed drink. she swirls around the contents of her cup, downing it and speaking up again. "home?"

"home." you all unanimously agree.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

you wake up hazily with a pounding headache, vision blurred, mouth dry.

you squeeze your eyes shut again, the dim brightness of the room too much for you. you reach blindly for your glasses that should be next to your pillow on the top bunk of the bunk bed you share with sana. instead, your palm comes colliding with something that most definitely was not your glasses.

your eyes shoot open, squinting and trying to focus, as the person you've hit groans.

"10 more minutes."

"...momo?"

momo groans again, burying her face into the pillow you're sharing, hair messily coming to cover her eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

suddenly, memories of last night come flying back to you. you look down alarmingly, lifting the blanket slightly to find yourself very naked, with an equally naked momo curled around you, arm thrown lazily over your side, legs intertwined.

you also realise that this was not your bed. you were on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed opposite the one you shared with sana, this was nayeon's bed. now even more confused, you slowly turn your body, trying your best to not disturb momo who mumbles something while you shuffle around the bed, before pulling you closer into her.

the sudden feeling of her chest now pressed against your bare back surprises you, even though you knew you were both naked. you try your best to not think about it, squinting to look around the room for where nayeon could be if you were in her bed.

you didn't have to look far though, cuddled up on sana's bed right opposite you, is sana and nayeon. and you'd bet they were in the same state of undress you and momo were.

your heart rate picks up as you recall the events of last night. you hadn't exactly done a lot of talking. as soon as you got home, you were all over each other, somehow, you had made the limited space, and the fact that not all four of you could fit on one little bunk bed work for all of you. your thighs tingle with the memory, a blush adorning your face.

eventually, it's sana that wakes up first, turning in her bed and blinking at you slowly.

you let her come to her senses, your eyes drifting down to where the blanket has fallen in her movement, breath catching at the sight of her pretty naked chest moving up and down slowly with each breath.

sana doesn't mind the attention, she never has, she yawns, stretching unabashedly, revealing more of herself, sitting up and letting the blanket fall to her waist. "morning." she grumbles out, her voice scratchy and deep with fatigue.

you gulp, unable to tear your eyes away from her, "morning."

nayeon whines as sana moves, slowly waking up as well, her arm curled around sana's thighs, trying to keep her still.

sana reaches around and pulls an oversized shirt on, patting her hair down. you're not sure if you're thankful or mournful she's covered up.

"what time is it?" nayeon's voice speaks up, laced with the same hoarse tiredness you're sure you all have right now.

sana picks up her phone on the bedside table next to her bed, you're not sure where yours is. "6."

"too early. come back to bed."

sana giggles then, putting her phone back down and running a hand through nayeon's hair. "don't you have a schedule to get to later?"

"yeah later."

"... we should talk anyway." she's strangely serious, normally the most energetic of you all, even in the mornings. it gets nayeon to look up, hair messy, squinting, placing her chin on sana's thigh.

sana smiles at the sight, you find nayeon's glasses next to her bed, reaching to hand it over.

sana murmurs her thanks, stretching out to grab it from you and gently placing it over the eldest's eyes. she looks adorable.

"how long have you been awake?" nayeon directs the question to you, finally able to see you were awake and looking at the two of them.

you smile, "not that long."

"is momo...?"

"still asleep."

"should we wake her?"

"she's not gonna like that."

"she needs to get up in a bit anyway. she has practice with jyp later remember?"

in agreement, you turn in your spot again, smiling at the sight of momo, mouth hanging open slightly, black hair framing her face. hesitantly, you nudge her shoulder. there's no response, so you nudge her again, a little harder. she groans, grabbing your hand and interlacing your fingers, "10 more minutes."

you giggle, "you said that 10 minutes ago."

she mumbles incoherently, drifting back into sleep.

you roll your eyes, nudging her again, except she doesn't respond. so you resort to different measures, your other hand that isn't being held captive by her, sneaks down between the two of you, and you start tickling her sides.

she squirms, blinking, waking up, whiny and giggly.

"s-stop- stop y/n- stop- i'm up i'm up!"

there's laughter from behind you as well, and momo sits up, pushing your hands away to stop you from your attack. not that she needed to, your eyes focused on something else as soon as the covers left her body. but of course, she bumps her head on the bunk, yelping, and cradling the top of her head, her hangover only worsening.

"okay okay guys- before we talk- i'm gonna need all of you to put on some clothes." you speak up, eyes still staring at momo's chest, almost drooling over her.

momo raises an eyebrow, before she shoves her chest into your face, rolling on top of you and squishing you.

"wha- momo- hey! no- mmf-"

you can hear everyone laughing as momo gets her revenge, pulling on the back of your neck while pushing out her chest, squeezing your face in between her breasts.

she finally breaks away once she's had enough, grinning and plucking a shirt down from her bunk on the top bed, pulling it loosely over her body.

"there. better?" she's kneeling on top of you, legs on both sides of your torso, shirt just long enough to reach past her top thighs. you gulp, eyes trained on the skin of her legs. momo rolls her eyes, pulling her shirt down a little more, coughing to get your attention.

your eyes snap back up to her with a blush.

she grins, leaning down easily and pecking you, rolling off of you again with one leg still thrown over your legs and cuddling into your side.

"morning losers."

"you're inconceivable momo."

"where'd you learn that word from? my ass?"

nayeon blushes, digging into sana's thighs. "throw me a shirt you little gremlin."

"get it yourself."

"you're on my bed!"

momo blinks, looking down at herself, finally coming to realise her surroundings. "oh."

sana laughs, pulls a shirt from under her bed and hands it to nayeon, "just borrow one of mine for now."

"sana i just got one for her!"

"give it to y/n."

"you just wanted to see her in your clothes."

"so?"

momo grumbles, handing the shirt she had grabbed for nayeon to you, helping you pull it on, hand skimming over the skin of your side and stomach.

“so…” you cough awkwardly, squirming under momo’s fingers that have stayed beneath your shirt, drawing random shapes into your skin.

“wait why do we need to talk?” she speaks up, leaning on her elbow, face on her palm looking across the room.

sana laughs, “is it simple for you now momoring?”

“is what simple?”

“i love your brain you idiot.”

“huh?” momo looks as confused as ever, too early to be thinking about anything.

sana takes a breath, gripping nayeon’s hand, “i like you. all of you.”

momo blinks, “we like you too.”

“i don’t want to kiss mina the way i kiss you momoring.”

“oh.” momo looks at sana, thinking, “but don’t you kiss everyone?”

sana laughs again, “is that what you think of me?”

she shrugs, “we kiss all the time.” she quickly corrects herself, not wanting to make the same mistake as last night, “and it doesn’t mean nothing. i’m sorry for saying that last night.”

the younger smiles, appreciates the effort, “you’re right. i kiss you all the time. no one else. i think you just get too dazed to notice anything else after we kiss.”

nayeon snorts, laughing loudly.

“what about dahyun last night?” you speak up, recalling the whispered words sana said to the younger trainee.

“we were playing spin the bottle. nayeonnie doesn’t like bambam even though she kissed him right?”

nayeon’s laughs turn into coughs very quickly, “absolutely the fuck not.”

“i was just making sure dahyunnie was okay with me kissing her, i told her it’d be really quick and i wouldn’t kiss her like i did momo. you don’t have to be jealous y/n.” she teases.

you whine, “i wasn’t!! i was just curious…”

“wait… is that why you left the game early last night?”

you feel your cheeks heat up, refusing to acknowledge the question.

“y/n!”

“what!”

“you should’ve told us! or me.”

“no way. i didn't even know what i was feeling. i just needed to get some air."

"will you tell us next time?"

"next time what?"

"next time you feel anything. even if you don't know what the feeling is."

you smile, pulling momo's hand that was creeping dangerously higher out from under your shirt, and interlocking your fingers, "yes. i will. i like you all too."

"blegh."

you and sana both look at nayeon with a frown.

"what?" she asks simply, crunching her nose up.

"nerd." sana pushes nayeon off her thigh, rolling her eyes.

"i'm not good with feelings!"

"get better with them then because i'm not dating an emotionless narcissist."

nayeon perks up, ignoring the insult, "we're dating?"

sana blushes, "i don't know. do you guys want to?"

"i do." you offer sana a reassuring smile, she's been leading the conversation this whole time and it took a lot of courage to do that. "momo, nayeon?"

"i don't think anything changes between us. except we all get to kiss and have sex whenever we want right?"

"momo!" you slap her hand lightly, she snickers.

"yeah. i'm pretty happy with that."

you all turn your gazes to nayeon.

she rolls her eyes, "as long as i get to top momo."

"just try it!"

"i will!"

you spend the rest of the morning, laughing, cuddling, doing things you'd always do together, but now with more freedom and less confusion.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

sometimes, you wish you had a different dream. a lot of the time really.

it hasn't been a good week. monthly trainee evaluations were coming up, and everyone could feel the pressure. there were rumours running around that jyp was preparing a survival show to debut the next girl group, and he was in the midst of picking trainees to participate, so everyone was on edge more than ever.

the one who had it the worst was momo.

you wince, curling in on yourself, knees to your chest, head resting on your knees, while you listen to your girlfriend dry heave in the bathroom.

nayeon's pacing around the room, obviously agitated, wishing she could do something to help. sana was in practice, you knew how hard she was working recently, she didn't need to worry about anything more right now.

"-stupid fucking trainers. they're all fucking blind she doesn't need to lose weight. they're gonna fucking kill her fuck-"

the bathroom door creaks open. both you and nayeon's heads snap towards it immediately.

nayeon rushes forward, holding momo up, caressing her cheek, brushing hair out of her face.

momo looks pale as a ghost. she's trembling, exhausted, you can barely stand to look at her without breaking down in tears. she knows. she knows how you all felt about her. so even when she's suffering the most, she still manages to crack a joke, "you care about me now im?"

"shut up momo. this isn't the time for that. you should lie down."

momo groans weakly, "can't. need to go to the gym."

nayeon explodes then, "what?! you are not going to the fucking gym right now momo. look at yourself! you're dying!"

"you still think i'm hot though right?" she grins. it has none of her usual sparkle, no mischief, just white teeth and lips.

"shut up or i'll kill you before you kill yourself."

the younger girl shrugs, you can see her bones with the movement.

"don't go to the gym. you already haven't eaten anything for the last five days. you haven't even drunk water for the last five days."

"yeah and i've still got 2 and a half kilos to lose."

"you don't- you shouldn't have to do that! you're skinny enough! you're going to die before you lose that weight!"

momo takes a shaky breath, you're surprised when a tear escapes her eye. even the fact that her body still has enough water to cry, and her not being the type of person to cry much in the first place, especially in front of other people, is shocking enough. she can't hold herself up any longer, collapsing onto the bed next to you. you open your arms immediately, lowering your legs, adjusting so she can lean all her weight on you. the feeling of her body against yours is terrifying. she's all bones. you can feel each rib, every pointy bone in her joints.

"i know. i'm so scared of dying." she whispers out eventually, still crying silently.

nayeon squeezes in as well, holding one of momo's hands, bringing it up to her lips to kiss it softly.

"i don't want to sleep. i'm terrified i won't wake up again. that i won't be able to see you guys again."

there are tears streaming down yours and nayeon's faces as well now.

"then eat. please darling. you need to eat." nayeon begs, wiping at her eyes furiously.

momo looks up at her weakly, smiling even now, "you know i can't. you'd both be doing the same thing if you were in my position right now."

you hold back choked sobs, burying your face into her neck. she can feel the tears staining it.

"it's okay. i'm gonna be okay. we're all going to be okay." her hand finds yours, squeezes both your hand and nayeon's.

"it's not fair. you're pretty much the same weight as me. why are they making you do this?"

she shrugs again, her sharp shoulders dig into your chest, "maybe they're testing me."

"for what?" nayeon says incredulously.

"dunno. if i have the willpower. if i'm ready to die for my dream. who knows."

"it's not willpower. it's fucking starvation. you're not even- you're all muscle. there's nothing to lose. the number on that scale is only higher because muscle is heavier than fat. and you wouldn't have all that muscle if you weren't the best dancer in this fucking company."

"you think i'm the best dancer?"

nayeon sighs frustratedly, "i know you are. darling... please. please just- some water- anything-"

"i can't. i'm sorry."

you've been talking in circles for days. the same thing, over and over again, begging her to eat, drink some water, rest. she's persistent though, hasn't broken once. when she first told you all the news, you were aghast, angry, but not surprised. you all thought you knew what it meant to lose 7 kilograms in a week, it was terrible, but it wouldn't be impossible. they wouldn't set you an impossible task. there has always been importance placed on your weight in this industry. they weighed you every morning before classes, tracked your progress, what you ate, how often you worked out, made sure you were kept consistently underweight, just how the public liked you. if they said momo needed to lose 7 kilograms to be attractive, to get a chance to debut, then she needed to lose 7 kilograms.

it wasn't until around the third day that you realised just what that meant though.

she collapsed in dance class. it wasn't an out of the ordinary experience, they put all of you on the edge of malnutrition, so there were always girls fainting left and right. but it was the first time for momo. and unlike the other girls who were instructed to eat better, momo was encouraged to keep doing what she was doing. because it was working, she was losing a kilogram everyday, more than that at the time because all her water weight was gone first.

so she came home that night proud that she had collapsed. they'd brainwashed her.

and so she kept on going. when all the trainees were off enjoying lunch, she had two fingers down her throat in the company bathrooms. when everyone retired to go home for the night and rest, she'd be running 10 miles an hour on the treadmill at the gym. naturally, her body started shutting down. she was losing too much weight too quickly, she wasn't getting the nutrients she needed to function as a human being, her body was in a state of panic, it was retaining as much weight as it could, it thought momo was in trouble, that it needed to protect her from all of these sudden changes, so it's natural she stopped losing weight at such a fast rate.

she didn't care if it was natural. all that mattered was that that number on the scale was 7 kilograms less than it was when she was first told to lose the weight.

on the outside, you could see how much it was affecting her, not just physically, but mentally as well. you were so confused what to do, you wanted to support her, and as a trainee who had the same dream as her, you understood why she was doing what she was doing, but you also didn't want her to die. you wanted your momo back, the one that smiled and laughed and played around with sana, secretly loving how affectionate sana was despite her outwardly 'cool girl' persona. you wanted the momo that teased and fought with nayeon, the only one that could bring nayeon back down to earth when she was getting too much in her head. you wanted the momo that kissed and pulled you into her whenever you shared a bed, that clung to you in the morning when you had to get up, whiny and pouty and sleepy. she was a shell of herself now. they had ripped the life out of one of your favourite people on the planet.

the door to your dorm clicks open softly.

you're all still cuddled up on the bed, squeezed against one another.

sana walks in, a tired smile on her face. it immediately disappears once she sees the tear streaks on all of your faces.

she rushes forward, cupping momo's cheeks, checking her pulse.

"i'm alive satang don't worry."

"did you eat?"

"you know i haven't."

sana's the most emotional of you all. just seeing her favourite people crying has her own tears welling up.

"oh satang not you too-"

"i can't help it. look at you momoring. why didn't you guys tell me?" she directs that to you and nayeon, frowning.

"you were at practice. we didn't want you to worry."

"momo is more important than practice."

"no satang. monthly evaluations are in two days. you're gonna make that lineup."

"i don't care if i make it if you die momo!"

"stop it. all this talk about- i'm not going to die guys. i'm fine, don't give up on me yet. i'm still here. if you all think i'm not going to make it then how am i supposed to think i'm going to make it?"

"that's not fair momo." you speak up, still cuddled into her neck. "this isn't- this isn't a daily worry. we live in the fucking twenty first century it's not normal to worry about whether or not you're going to live to see tomorrow."

"please momoring. here-" sana starts scrambling around in her bag, pulling out a thermos. "just one please-" she shakes out an ice cube, holds it out to momo in her palm.

momo stares at it, watches it melt, her mouth open, lips dry.

"please it's just one-"

"i-i... i can't-"

sana sobs, head falling into her elbow, crouched on the floor.

nayeon gently takes the ice cube from her, holds it in her palm, watching momo's gaze follow it.

"momo..."

"don't make me nayeon. please. i can't."

"i'm not. i won't." nayeon makes sure momo is still watching her, then she slowly takes the ice cube into her own mouth. she sucks on it, her cheeks hollowing out, melts it in her mouth slowly. when she's done, she opens her mouth, showing she's swallowed it all, then she asks, "do i look different?"

momo looks at her confused, "no?"

"if i went on that scale, how much do you think my weight will change?"

momo gets it, her face darkening again, "don't do this nayeon."

"just answer the question."

"...it probably wouldn't."

"right. look, here, y/n, have one." she reaches for sana's thermos, you hold out your hand, accepting the cold cube, then you pop it in your mouth, burying yourself back to your position in her neck, kissing the skin there gently with your cool lips.

she sighs on top of you.

nayeon's shaking another one out, popping it in her mouth, then she's giving one to sana who has her hand out, staring at momo with wide, hopeful eyes.

momo looks between the three of you, you all had so much love for her, you all just wanted the best for her. it was one ice cube. her body was screaming for it.

slowly, she holds her palm out.

you all stare at her with bated breath, almost in disbelief.

she smiles, "i've probably cried out enough for an ice cube right?"

sana lets out a broken laugh, nayeon's quick to shake out an ice cube into momo's palm.

momo stares down at it, brings it up to her mouth, takes a breath, then encloses her lips around it.

she sighs again, closing her eyes, reveling in the coolness of it, leaning back against you more.

you let her, leaning back fully until you're laid on the bed, spooning her. nayeon comes in behind you, squeezing herself against the wall, an arm coming up to rest on your midriff, her hand able to reach momo's side. sana clambers up as well, kissing momo's forehead and sniffling, looping an arm around her waist and snuggling in. after you had started dating you ended up pushing the two bunk beds in your room together so you could all share the bottom bunk, and so you could use the top bunks for storage space. it was still a little bit of a squeeze but the four of you didn't mind. you liked being as close as you all possibly could.

momo couldn't shake the thought that the ice cube melting down her throat would add on another kilogram or two, but she tried to focus on the feeling of her loved ones curled around her instead, falling into a restless sleep, praying she would be able to wake up and feel like this again.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

you grip your fork tightly, stabbing into your bland salad.

sana sits next to you, just as stiff, staring daggers across the cafeteria.

momo doesn't seem to mind though. she's happily munching away at her leaves. your heart softens a little at the sight, remembering how far she pushed herself last month, at least she was eating better now.

but then nayeon's laugh breaks through again, loud and bright. your jaw tightens at the sound.

"that's it." sana goes to stand but you tug on her hand, pulling her back down.

"don't."

"why not?" she spits, you've never seen her so livid. she was the happy charm of the company, people forget she could feel other emotions too.

"you'll cause a scene."

"good. then maybe he'll get his fucking baby hands off her."

"we can't. everyone will wonder why."

"why what?" she's still seething.

"why you have an issue with them. at worst they’ll think there’s something going on between you and nayeon. at best they’ll think you have a crush on him."

sana blanches, flicking her gaze over to you, “what?!”

“i don’t like it either. but we just have to trust her right?” you offer a smile, it’s a bit wonky and forced and sana sees straight through it, but it does get her to calm down a bit, taking a breath and slumping down in her seat.

“fine.”

“she loves you.”

“whatever.”

you smile genuinely at momo who looks at you in confusion, her mouth still full of lettuce. you shake your head, gesturing for her to keep eating and not to worry.

it’s not until later in the day when you have combined level dance practice that the issue comes up again. normally, he wouldn’t be near your class, sana and momo were naturally gifted dancers, so they were in higher level classes, and nayeon was an all-rounder, she was always in every top class to ensure she was around other people her level.

“they’d be cute wouldn’t they?” jihyo makes light conversation while you’re all stretching.

jeongyeon scoffs, “are you serious? he’s like… a baby.”

“he won’t be for that much longer.”

“gross dude!”

jihyo laughs.

“who are you guys talking about?” momo moves towards your group, mina in tow behind her.

“bambam and nayeon.”

“oh.” she drops down in a stretch, “what about them?”

jeongyeon snickers, teasing momo, “of course you didn’t know you airhead. bambam has a crush on her.”

“really?”

“yeah. did you see him almost wet himself when he got her during spin the bottle at jackson’s party?”

“it was so funny! and then when he went in to kiss her, that was so awkward! poor kid, i almost felt bad for him.”

“i don’t.” sana speaks up then, her teeth gritted, eyebrows furrowed, not even bothering to hide her gaze, staring at bambam and nayeon playing around in the mirror.

jihyo and jeongyeon exchange glances, confused.

“uhh… you okay sana?”

her eyes snap back up to meet jeongyeon’s, “yeah. fine, why?”

“you just seem a little… edgy.”

sana huffs, standing up again, “just tired.” she doesn’t say anything else, turning on her heel and leaving the training room.

momo catches your eye, tilts her head in question.

you shake your head, speaking up, “i’ll check on her.”

you jog outside, finding her near the water fountain.

“hey.”

“if you’re gonna lecture me again i don’t want to hear it.”

“no i wasn’t- i didn’t mean to lecture you at lunch. i just wanted to check on you.”

she sighs, sinking down into the cushion next to the fountain. you carefully sit next to her.

“i’m sorry. i just- i do trust her i just- i don’t trust him.”

“he’s just a kid sweetie.”

she scoffs, “yeah a hormonal pubescent teenage boy. they’re soo innocent, not like they don’t watch porn and jack off to every woman who even breathes near them.”

you’re about to reply when the door to the dance studio opens again, it’s nayeon.

she pokes her head out, looks up and down the hallway, and spots you, grinning. she jogs down to the both of you.

“hey! what are you guys doing here? class is about to start!”

sana doesn’t bother meeting her gaze, “oh so now you care about us?”

nayeon frowns, looks at you in confusion, you feel incredibly awkward, avoiding her eyes as well, “what’s going on?”

“nothing. go back to your boyfriend.”

“what?”

“you heard me.”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about sana. c’mon, let’s go to practice.”

“you don’t? is it that natural for you to drape yourself all over him?”

“what?”

sana finally looks up, eyes red and angry, “bambam. you know he likes you. why do you entertain him?”

“what? sana he’s just a kid-“

sana stands then, throwing her hands up in frustration, you keep your gaze locked on your shoes, “a kid! i’m sick of hearing that! so what if he’s a fucking kid? we’re fucking kids. you all think it’s so impossible that the im nayeon would ever like someone like him so it shouldn’t be anything to worry about right?! you know what sounds more impossible?! that im nayeon is in a polyamorous relationship with three other girls. three other kids!”

“sana! calm down don’t be so loud-“

“no don’t you tell me to fucking calm down. you see? we have to hide this. us. we can’t even talk about us in public. i was okay with that! because i still had you all. you were all worth it! but you could get with bambam right now and people wouldn’t even bat an eye. they’d celebrate it, congratulate him for pulling the girl, all while we can’t even hold hands in public without people looking at us weird!”

“but i- i don’t want to be with him! i want to be with all of you!”

“then don’t fucking laugh at his jokes, touch his biceps, compliment his fucking hair!”

“but- honey that’s all harmless-“

“you still don’t get it! you-"

the door opens once again, and this time it's momo's head that pops out. she frowns when she sees all of you, walking up, tilting her head in question.

sana huffs, "whatever. i'm not feeling like practice today. tell the instructors i'm sick please."

"wait sana-"

she turns on her heel and struts briskly away.

nayeon sighs in frustration, running a hand through her hair, "what is going on with her?" she mutters to herself.

you frown, the events of the day culminating, you wish nayeon could see where you were coming from, "she told you. i think it was pretty obvious." you didn't mean to sound so clipped, your tone just slipped out that way.

nayeon looks down at you, you were never one to talk back, you'd kept more of your emotions to yourself. "are you angry with me too then?"

"that's not it nayeon. look i don't want to fight. let's just go to practice."

you stand up, brushing past her, unable to look her in the eye. you can hear momo questioning nayeon behind you before you open the door to the practice room again, thinking over sana's words that left a heavy feeling in your stomach.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

after practice, you and momo go and grab dinner while nayeon has to go to another vocal lesson.

momo's still blissfully unaware, talking about how the dance practice was and how much fun she had in such a big class with everybody. you listen to her ramble with a smile, not wanting to burst her bubble.

it's unavoidable when you go home later that night and find nayeon alone in your dorm, freshly showered and typing away at her phone.

momo skips in first, kissing nayeon and grabbing some clothes to shower into, heading into the bathroom right after.

nayeon looks at you then, putting her phone down, "hey."

"hi." you shrug off your bag, taking off your shoes.

"where's sana?"

"i thought she'd be home by now."

she frowns, "i haven't seen her since..."

you bite your lip, growing slightly concerned, "should we call her?"

"i don't know if she would pick up for me..."

"right..." you take out your phone, scrolling to sana's contact and pressing dial. it rings for a little, and just before you're about to give up, she picks up, giggly and breathy.

"y/n!! i miss you! what's up!"

you squint, there was a lot of background noise, "sana where are you?"

"out! i'm having fun!"

"where?"

"i don't really know but i'll be home soon! i promise! i love you!" she blows a kiss through the phone and then she hangs up.

you stare down at her contact picture, it was of her and a hamster plushie momo had won for her when you had gone on a date to the carnival. you had all agreed it looked like her and she had hated it because she thought you were saying her chubby cheeks were the resemblance point.

"is she okay?" nayeon speaks up again, barefaced with her thick glasses on.

"i think so. she sounded... she said she'd be home soon."

"oh."

"yeah."

it's oddly quiet, awkward. you start shuffling out of your day clothes, picking out pyjamas for your turn to shower after momo.

"are we okay?" nayeon breaks the silence suddenly, eyes seemingly even bigger behind her glasses. she fiddles with her fingers nervously.

you sigh, moving around the small room to clean up a little, if only to give your hands something to do, so you had an excuse not to look at her. "i don't know. i think sana's less okay than me."

"but you're still... not okay?"

"i feel silly. momo doesn't even feel anything about it. i wish i was the same. i know you'd never cheat on us or whatever, i just- it's still hard y'know? watching you be like that with him. like- you wouldn't want to see me all over another guy right?"

"but he doesn't mean anything to me. he's just- he's like my little brother."

"i know that's why i feel silly. i know realistically you'd never leave us for him. but it still hurts sometimes- like- like you're dangling the fact that you can in front of our faces."

she's quiet for a bit. you risk it to sneak a glance at her. she has her eyebrows furrowed, thinking.

you sigh again, moving forward and standing next to the bed. you place your hand on her head, then start running your fingers through her hair.

"i'm sorry. i don't want to be- i'm not trying to be clingy or jealous or whatever i just can't help it. i- i- i love you."

she looks up at you, surprised. your hands move down to cup her cheeks, smoothing out the skin, there.

you lean down, pressing your forehead against hers, breathing softly, closing your eyes, appreciating her presence. then, you move the extra inch to press your lips together, just slowly, softly, only for a second or two.

when you break away, she doesn't let you go, holding onto your wrist and tugging you down gently, asking you to hug her. and you oblige. kneeling on the bed, letting her wrap her arms around you, and place another kiss on the crown of your head.

"i love you too. i'm sorry i didn't- i wasn't aware of how it looked on the outside. i never- because he doesn't mean anything to me like that, i didn't think anything of it. i didn't realise you guys may have taken it differently. thank you for telling me."

you peck the side of her hand that's right next to your face, holding yours. "it's because you're a T isn't it?" you joke.

she chuckles behind you, "yeah and all my girlfriends are Fs. emotional losers."

"repressed freak."

she rolls her eyes, brings you in closer, "i love you."

"you said that already."

"i wanted you to know again."

"looks like our F is rubbing off on you."

she whines, "are you not going to say it back?"

you smile, "i love you too."

when momo comes out of her shower, she curls into bed immediately with you all, tired from her day and wanting no more than to sleep with her girlfriends. she hopes you've all made up and the fighting can stop tomorrow.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

"did she come home last night?"

"it doesn't look like it."

"fuck she's not picking up her phone either."

"where could she be?"

"what are we going to tell the company?"

"she can't just have gone missing right?"

you're all stressing, nayeon's pacing around the room like she does when she's agitated, momo's trying to call sana's cell, and you're checking her socials and her friends to see if anyone knows where she is.

"what did she say when you called her again yesterday?"

"that she'd come home soon. there was a lot of background noise though, she said she didn't know where she was."

"you don't think she's in trouble right?"

"i don't know..."

"fuck! i never should've fought with her yesterday!"

"don't- no nayeon this isn't your fault at all don't blame yourself. we're going to find her." you step up, halting her pacing, grabbing her hands and squeezing.

she sighs, gritting her teeth, "fine. c'mon. let's go to class, we're late. maybe someone there has seen her.”

before she moves to leave, you cup her cheek, turning her back to you and kiss her in reassurance. she offers a smile when you break away, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

momo keeps trying sana's phone while you walk to the company building. by now, you were all relatively well known in the company, and the tension could be felt by newer trainees, they cleared the way as you walked past, not wanting to get caught up in anything.

you push open the door to the dance studio hurriedly, not in the mood for another scolding from the trainers.

but you freeze, spotting sana on the floor, stretching and getting ready.

"y/n? what's wrong?" momo tries peeking over your shoulder to see why you've stopped, and then she spots her as well.

"satang!"

sana looks up, there are obvious bags under her eyes, she's sluggish in her movements. momo pushes past you, dumping her bag down and rushing over.

"where were you?! we've been calling you all morning!"

sana squints, backing away from momo who was speaking too loud for her, "phone died."

"we were worried satang! why didn't you come home last night?" she says the last part in a whisper, not wanting to get sana in trouble with the watchful trainers.

you and nayeon have both entered now as well, nayeon stands behind you a little awkwardly, unsure of how to approach.

"i was out." sana says simply.

"but where?"

"doesn't matter. i'm here now right?"

"sana we were really worried." you speak up now, crouching down into a stretch.

she looks at you, her eyes are lifeless. "and now there's nothing to be worried about. i'm fine."

"what happened to you last night? you said you'd come home and then you didn't. where did you sleep? did you sleep? you look terrible."

she cringes, "gee thanks."

"you know i didn't mean it like that. what aren't you telling us?"

at that moment, bambam chooses to come over and greet you all.

"morning nayeon!"

nayeon is still focused on sana, frowning, but she greets him offhandedly anyway, "morning bam."

"what? no morning for us bambam?" sana speaks up with a teasing smile, it's anything but harmless.

"o-oh! sorry. good morning sana, momo, y/n." he bows to each of you.

"i get it. it's your crush on nayeonnie isn't it? she's so pretty right? and born to be an idol. i can see why you like her."

bambam sputters, completely unprepared, blushing bright red.

sana's smile is sinister.

"sana stop."

she looks at you innocently, blinking, "stop what? i'm not doing anything."

"sana!" behind you, mark suddenly appears, clapping bambam on the back. "last night was fun. you should invite your roomies next time! i'm sure bam would appreciate that wouldn't he?" mark elbows bambam with a snicker.

"oh i'm sure he would. i don't know though, i kinda liked it when it was just us y'know?" she sports a smirk, the one she uses when she wants sex.

mark blushes, muttering something and then dragging bambam away.

"what the fuck sana?" nayeon finally speaks up, glowering.

"what?" she blinks up.

"you were out with mark last night?"

"so what if i was?"

"we were fucking worried."

"and i told you i'm fine now. there was no reason to worry."

"we thought something bad could've happened."

"yeah well obviously nothing did right!? i don't get why you guys are so pressed. i just had a little fun, i needed it, and it was good for me."

"you mean he was good for you?"

"better for me than you were."

nayeon falters at that, hurt flashing across her face, "i'm sorry."

"what for?"

"i didn't listen to you yesterday."

sana shrugs, "it's fine. i get why you like it. i tried it. it's the attention right? it's nice to know someone else is in love with you."

"that's not- that's not what i was doing sana-"

"then what were you doing? you're with us right? so why are you flirting with other people? worried we won't last? backup options? attention?"

"sana- please- can we talk about this i don't-"

"we are talking about this."

"not here. alone."

"you ashamed of me?"

"no! sana what-"

"mark can hold my hand in public. he can kiss me in public. he can call me his."

nayeon clenches her fist, "does he?"

sana shrugs again, not bothering to answer, moving into another stretch. you can't believe her, what you're hearing, you've never seen her like this. never thought she could be like this. momo looks to be in shock too, sitting on her haunches, staring at sana with hurt written all over her face. sana ignores you all.

class starts.

you keep sana in the corner of your eye. she fools around with mark, teasing him, playfighting with him, and ignores the three of you completely. you try and understand where she's coming from, why she was purposely trying to hurt you. she just told you she loved you last night, this wasn't real. she was just doing this as her own personal form of revenge. she didn't mean any of this.

you had to keep telling yourself that.

as class ends, sana looks like she’s about to go out with mark again, but you quickly run out the door, tugging on her arm, “can we talk?”

her eyes soften when she realises it’s you, but she still looks unsure.

that is, until momo links her arm with yours, pleading with sana as well.

“alright.”

you quickly lead her into one of the empty recording studios, gesturing for nayeon to come follow before sana can change her mind. as soon as you’re all inside, you stand against the door, blocking any routes of escape.

sana scoffs when she sees nayeon enter the room as well, but with you in the way, there’s nowhere to run.

“what did you want to talk about?” her tone is cutting, she rubs in between her eyebrows, pushing out the tension there.

“you.”

“what about me?”

“how could you do that to us satang?”

sana sighs, glancing at momo, “you notice now momoring? how come you didn’t have an issue when it was nayeon?”

“w-what?”

“you knew bambam liked nayeon. why didn’t you have a problem when nayeon was hanging all over him?”

nayeon tries to protest but momo replies quickly, wide-eyed, “what do you mean? nayeon doesn’t like bambam though.”

“and i don’t like mark. so what’s the difference?”

“you went after him.” you interject.

“no i didn’t.”

“then how did you end up hanging out with him last night?”

“he saw me crying outside the company. he offered to listen and then to distract me afterwards. i had fun. he didn’t make me cry.”

“sana…” nayeon’s lower lip is wobbly.

“what?”

“…i’m sorry. for not listening to you. i should’ve given you a chance to explain yourself and understand where you were coming from.”

sana’s quiet for a bit, staring at nayeon, turning the words over in her head slowly. and then her own lip starts wobbling, throat constricting, tears welling up.

nayeon panics, “fuck- no i didn’t want to make you cry i didn’t- i’m sorry i made you cry the first time i didn’t- i’m sorry-“ she desperately wants to comfort her but she’s not sure if she can, still in an awkward sort of limbo.

sana closes it though, almost leaping into nayeon’s arms, burrowing her face into her neck and breathing out shakily, sniffling.

“…i’m sorry too. i knew what i was doing- i was being petty and stupid and jealous and i hurt all of you doing that.” she whispers into nayeon’s neck, but it’s quiet enough in the room that you can all hear her.

you breathe a sigh of relief, internal turmoil calmed for the moment. you walk forwards, wrapping your arms around the both of them, feeling momo do so as well on the other side.

“i don’t like him. i didn’t kiss or hold hands or do whatever else i said in there. i just- it really didn’t bother me before. that we had to keep this to ourselves. but then seeing nayeonnie with bambam acting so carefree and- and- everything, i just wished i could grab her and kiss her in front of him, so that everyone knew you were all mine, and that i’m all yours.”

“one day we’ll be able to sana. i promise. and i won’t- i’m not going to act like i’m not already spoken for anymore. i am all yours and i always will be.”

sana sniffles again, you’re close enough you can lean over nayeon’s shoulder and kiss her forehead.

“and i’m sorry for making you guys worry. my phone really did die though if that’s any solace.” she chuckles wetly.

“i have a portable!” momo quickly breaks away, running to her bag and pulling it out, handing it to sana with a proud smile.

sana returns it, thanking her and kissing her cheek, plugging in her phone.

“you were wrong about one thing you know.” nayeon speaks up again, the hint of a smile on her face.

sana stiffens, ready to argue again but not wanting to.

“korea is so homophobic that we can actually hold hands in public without people thinking we’re anything. we could probably get away with kissing on a few rare occasions too and people would still think we’re just really good friends. especially if we’re all kissing each other, they’ll just think we’re… all very friendly with each other and kiss as a sign of affection or something.”

sana laughs out loud, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, “you’re right. i don’t necessarily have to hide how affectionate i am with you all.”

“and you’re very affectionate satang.”

sana rolls her eyes, hitting momo lightly. but then, her phone lights up, and she seems to read over something. she takes a few seconds, and then she’s blinking up, fresh tears in her eyes, launching forward into nayeon’s arms again.

nayeon grunts, catching her and squeezing back, “i take it you saw my message.”

“mmsorry- i lov- too.” her voice is muffled, but it’s obvious what she’s saying.

you don’t know what nayeon’s text said, and sana refuses to share with you afterwards, saying “nayeonnie’s words are for me only, tell her to do it again for you.” knowing nayeon hates expressing too much, which makes it all the more special to sana, but you’re just happy everything is okay between the four of you again.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

there was something going on and everyone knew it. the rumoured survival show for a new debut group was apparently set to start filming soon. select trainees were being pulled out of practice and given the news, although they were instructed not to say anything about it in order to not cause discouragement amongst other trainees and to minimise media leakage.

your girlfriends had all been called up and informed that they would be participating. now you were all waiting in anticipation for your own name to be called out.

after the monthly trainee showcase, JYP himself comes to make the announcement.

"i'm sure you've all heard the rumours going around about the new group we're planning to debut. it's going to be televised nationally in a reality-type fashion, so even if you don't make it to the final lineup, making it onto the show itself will be a big deal already, getting your name out there for potential future plans. the name of this show will be..." he pauses for effect, "sixteen!"

there's thundering applause, but you can barely hear it, anticipating, praying he would be announcing the lineup and that your name would be there.

"it's sixteen for the chosen sixteen exemplary trainees that the staff have recognised and recommended. they will be competing for seven spots in this new group. all sixteen trainees have now been notified of their involvement, but if you haven't received any news, don't worry! i always have all of you in my mind, like god, your time will come! so please cheer on and support your fellow trainees in their journeys!"

did you hear that right? everyone chosen had been notified already? so you weren't chosen? you weren't good enough? all that training... all those hours slaving away... all those tears, doubts, connections you've lost, all for what?

you look around, other people are cheering, some are crying, some are in disbelief like you.

your feet move before you can think, pushing to the front of the crowd, grabbing JYP.

"sir- why- why didn't i make it?" you're desperate, huffing, on the verge of breakdown.

he looks you up and down, a frown appearing on his usually smiley face, "what was your name again?"

your heart sinks. he didn't even know your name.

and then a look of realisation comes across him, "oh! you're that girl that's always with nayeon, momo, and sana! you should be happy for them! they're all fantastic trainees, they'll make wonderful idols."

you blink, dumbfounded, mouth agape.

"b-but- i- what was it? was i not a good enough singer? dancer? am i not pretty enough?" you're grasping for straws, anything to help you cling on to the possibility of your dream.

he tilts his head, crossing his arms, "ah- you... perhaps it's because you're always with those three. you just don't... stand out. nayeon has natural star power, her voice is one of the strongest in the company. momo is the best dancer we have, probably one of the best dancers in your generation. and sana has a personality people gravitate towards, she can keep group morale up and maintain public image. let me ask you.. what do you have? because aside from being friends with genuinely talented people, you just seem... average."

your hand falls, head drooping, the words hitting you hard.

"don't take this too personal though! perhaps with them out of the way, you can really find your own light to shine now! i believe in you!" he smiles again, then he's off with a flourish, being guided away by busy assistants.

you stare after him in shock, a flashback of sorts playing through your head, of the hardships you've been through to get to this point, of the tears and sweat you've dripped, it was too much. you needed out.

again, your feet move before you have control over them. mind moving at miles a minute, body on autopilot.

you're back in you're dorm room before you know it, and then your suitcase is being pulled off the top bunk, laid on the floor, and you're stumbling around throwing things in haphazardly. you don't even register when the door opens and three sets of footsteps tread in, too focused on thinking about how to get out, whether you could get to the airport in time, what you would say to your parents, your family, the people standing at the door in surprise, watching you clumsily shove things into your suitcase.

"...y/n? what are you doing?"

you barely look at them to reply, voice light and distracted, "packing."

"where are you going?"

"home."

"what?"

you head into the bathroom, starting to pick off the things you needed, you could leave some things, not everything was going to fit anyway and some things you could throw away.

"y/n wait- stop- just wait-"

you ignore them, clattering makeup items falling out of order into toiletry bags.

"y/n!" it's nayeon, her hands gripping your wrists firmly, not too firm to hurt, but enough to get you to stop. you finally look up at them, the break allows you to really feel your emotions, tears welling up immediately.

"oh sweetheart." nayeon tugs you into a hug, running a hand through your hair comfortingly. you feel sana and momo surround you, placing their arms around you as well. the dams break open then, and you're sobbing into their arms, all of your emotions finally catching up.

you stay there for a few minutes, just crying it out, the girls hushing and soothing you, letting you babble nonsense and cry into their shoulders.

when you finally calm down, you're exhausted, slumping down into nayeon. she supports you immediately, and tries to peek at you from your position in her neck, but you refuse to look at her, your eyes puffy and nose red.

"do you want to talk about it?"

you shake your head.

"do you... still want to leave?"

you take a breath, unsure. "i don't know." you whisper honestly, "what do i have to do here if i stay?"

"you have us." sana says quietly.

you chuckle wetly, "you don't get it. you guys all made it. i'm never going to. i don't- i'm happy for you all i am but- my dream-"

"shhh- it's okay. we... we do get it my love. we were all on this journey together weren't we? we've all had thoughts we wouldn't make it. even nayeon." momo tries to lighten the mood a little.

"but- you've all made it now. i don't even- why would you still want to be with me? i'm not good enough. you all got through. i'm the only one who didn't. doesn't that- don't you think i'm just pathetic? how could you still like me?"

"what?! what are you talking about y/n?! we don't like you for your talent we're not some talent recruiters. we like you because you're you, you're sweet and funny and caring. i know it's hard because we're in this industry so it feels like we're all competing, but you can't- it's not like that for us. don't ever doubt our love for you again."

you sob quietly, emotions still a wreck.

"please don't leave. this doesn't mean anything. there will be other opportunities. your dream is still possible. we might not be able to debut all together like we always wanted to but- but you still have a chance y/n. don't give up on it."

you sigh, too tired to argue, letting them bring you to bed, giving you one of the coveted middle spoon spots and cuddling into you until you fell into a restless sleep.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

the next few weeks are absolutely hectic. for your girlfriends. you spent most of your time moping around, giving only about 50% in all your classes, motivation completely shot. it didn't help that the three of them started spending a lot more time together, as is expected when they have to prepare filming for the same thing. often you'd find yourself coming home after a long day of practice, and find them giggling and laughing about things you have no idea about, sharing inside jokes and talking about things that happened during their day that you'd be too tired or jealous to ask about.

they tried to include you of course, but you couldn't bring yourself to join in.

internally, you felt terrible. you knew you should be proud, happy, enthusiastic that all three of them were in the process of having their dreams come true. they had worked harder than all of you, they certainly deserved this opportunity, and they deserved you to be in their corner, supporting them and loving them like any other partner would do in this situation.

but you couldn't do it. jyp's words continue to ping around your head like an endless pinball machine. how you had always been in their shadow, how he never saw your worth because of them. a small, petty part of you blamed them. you hated that part of yourself, tried to squash it down as much as you could. but sometimes when you're laid in between them at night, their light breaths deep in sleep, those thoughts come back, and you can't help but be envious of their position, wondering why them and not you.

naturally, you started drifting from them, especially when filming actually started.

they were moved out to different dorms during the filming, split into major and minor dorms so that the film crew could get some reality content. they still texted you often though, asking how your day was every night, they still made every effort to make it work. it was you who really started moving away when they were no longer physically there to remind you they loved you.

you'd cry most nights. cuddling into sheets that smelled like them, watching episodes of sixteen, wishing you were there with them. you missed them.

and then momo gets eliminated.

it's brutal. you're confused when she shuffles into your dorm room, hood over her head, dark circles under her eyes, still red from crying.

you had no idea what happened, the episode hadn't aired yet.

but your heart breaks seeing your girlfriend. you immediately squeeze her in your arms, she bursts into tears again, sobbing, clinging to you, unable to make any words.

she tells you later when you're curled up in bed, what happened and how she got eliminated. when she drifts off to bed, you stare at her sleeping face, now devoid of tears, she looked peaceful. and those sick thoughts come back.

you felt grateful she was eliminated. she was brought down to your level again. she was just another trainee now. it was terrible, but you had her again, you weren't going to lose her. you should've felt angry, sad, disappointed her dreams were just ripped away from her after getting so close. but you felt relieved instead. what a terrible person you were.

soon enough, it's the finals.

momo's dyed her hair a light blonde colour and cut bangs. you went with her and helped her pick it out the day after she came home. she needed a fresh start, needed to forget the pain it felt to be back at square 1.

now you stood with her in the crowd with the other eliminated trainees. you nod at them politely, but you have your hand tightly gripped with momo's anxiously looking up at the stage waiting for your other two girlfriends to appear. you hadn't seen them in months and you'd missed them.

momo had talked your ear off about everything that happened while she was on the show. updated you on everything. it felt nice, to be included again, to feel needed, wanted.

and momo wasn't shy about how supportive she was of nayeon and sana. constantly bringing them up during the day, wondering how they were doing, if they'd eaten yet, if they were getting enough sleep, hoping they weren't thinking about her getting eliminated too much, praying they'll both make the final group.

you agreed with her each time, but she made you feel like a terrible girlfriend. she was what you were meant to be when she was still on the show. you try and make up for it in the last few weeks, making signs and pasting pictures of nayeon and sana on posters, making some for both you and momo to bring to the finals. she grins and kisses you on the head when she sees them, saying how sweet you were, how considerate you were. you smile guiltily, knowing that was far from the truth.

finally, the lineup starts to be announced.

you spot sana on the majors side already, nayeon still on the minors side. you have your fingers crossed, anxiously watching, momo's hand is white from how hard she's gripping yours, just as anxious.

nayeon's name is announced first.

momo bursts into tears, smiling, crying. she's so proud. you are too. she made it. you always knew she would. im nayeon was born to be a star.

and then, after the first seven are confirmed, sana's spot also secured, jyp makes the surprise announcement. it was going to be a nine member group. he announces tzuyu first, as the fan favourite.

and then, momo's name is read out.

momo is in shock at first, but trainees around you start clapping her on the back, congratulating her, and she starts sobbing again, covering her face as the camera pans to her. you quickly let go of her hand, not wanting to arouse any suspicions. she tries and looks at you but she's pushed up on stage before she knows it.

you can see nayeon and sana in the back, crying, in shock as well.

you can't even listen to momo's speech.

you feel like you're the only person in the entire venue again. it was quiet. you were alone. again.

your feet start to move on autopilot again. dissociating.

you manage to slip through the crowd, back turned, not realising the girls were searching the crowd, looking for you. wanting to share one of the most important parts of their lives with you. you were too selfish to let them.

you're at the dorms again, the suitcase is out, already half-packed from the last time you'd thought about doing this. this time though, they wouldn't be able to stop you. there'd be an afterparty, you were sure, they'll probably expect to see you there, they won't. then they'll come home, worried, and find all your things gone. the only remnant of your existence, a letter placed carefully on the bed.

dear nayeon, momo, sana,

firstly, congratulations. if anyone deserved those spots, it was you three. you've all worked so hard to get here, and i'm so proud of you all. your dreams are coming true. everything you've ever thought was out of reach, is about to become reality. you deserve all the fame, money, love, everything, and i know it's going to come your way, because i fell for you too.

i'm sorry. i'm not who you thought i was. i'm not a good person. and you deserve to be with good people. i'm leaving. for good this time. i'm sorry that i chose tonight to do this, when you three should be on top of the world, in a way, it's my own sort of revenge i guess. selfishly making you feel a little of what i've felt the last few months. it's why i can't be with you anymore. i'll only bring you down more. i loved you all. i didn't want to start hating you for being better than me, i wanted to keep the memories of our love pure and joyful. if i stayed, i'd grow to despise you for having what i've wanted for all my life. i didn't want that. i'm a terrible person, i could never ask for your forgiveness, only that you forget about me. forget me and continue living your lives under the spotlight, don't let me drag you back into the shadows. don't try and find me.

i'm sorry.

when they try and call you, you'll be on the flight home, your phone unable to receive any of their messages. you throw away your phone as soon as you arrive, buying a new one and starting your new life.

they barely have time to chase after you. you'd be grateful for that. they're thrown straight into schedules and planning for their debut.

eventually, you become a distant memory for them, as they do for you.

when you're older, you'll find a box you sealed away, filled with pictures of the four of you, young and in love. you'll sit there, thumbing through them, crying, wondering how you could possibly have let them go. you'll think back to your actions, appalled at the person you were, hating the industry for pitting you against them, and then realising it was your fault the entire time. you were young, stupid, greedy, you thought your dream mattered more to you than the girls did. now that you’re older, you realise you were so wrong. the girls were your dream.

you'll buy a ticket for their concert while they’re on tour, and you'll quietly cry to yourself again, seeing them in person, grown up, smiling, singing, doing what they loved in front of crowds of people who loved them as much as they loved you all those years ago. you'll think about making yourself known to them, but you'd hurt them enough. they seemed happy now, you had no place intruding on that anymore.

you were just another stranger now. you have been for years. and you had no one to blame but yourself.

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

wildest dreams - m. murdock

a/n: i have literally not been inspired for two weeks then i was STRUCK with the urge to write this. guys. i am so proud of this one i am not even going to lie. this one is dedicated to @bunmurdock because i am literally always thinking about professor murdock.... i really hope you guys enjoy this one, because i enjoyed writing it :) warnings: SMUT! inappropriate dynamic, P in V smut, so much cursing, lots of inappropriate thoughts and pining, power dynamics, dirty talk, reader does an edible and is high for a small part of this fic, reader isn't stupid in this one! she is just horny! she is also deaf, and there is yapping of readers daddy issues word count: 6.3k likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! <3 summary: you have a huge crush on your professor and spend many days desperate for him. pairing: professor!matt murdock x hoh!reader now playing: wildest dreams - taylor swift (taylor's version) "i said, "no one has to know what we do"/his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room"

You could treat him better than any of these other horny grad students.

Seriously, that is your only conscious thought watching this man move around the front of this lecture center. You’re not dumb, you know everyone sitting here wants him—Those who are attracted to men want to fuck him and those who aren’t seek his approval. But you are built different, you’re also lacking a major sense, besides, your brain runs ramped with disgusting thoughts about the man.

Today’s focus is on the man’s outfit. It’s his last class of the day, and it shows. His clothes are a bit more wrinkled, and his hair is messier than it had been when he started the day. But most importantly, his jacket is thrown on the back of his chair, meaning you have a phenomenal view of his torso.

He wears a white button down, with the cuffs of the arms rolled up to just below his elbows, the bottom of the shirt tucked into the waistline of his pants. The shirt is tight, maybe a little too tight, especially around the arms. Maybe it’s because he works out. Or at least, you assume he works out.

That brings us to his tie. Oh, his tie. It’s nothing special—a pure black tie, just hanging from his neck. Your mind wanders. It starts at the dissection of a key court case in the subject of minimum wage, but from there, it starts drifting to his tie.

You think about the tie moving back and forth above you as he thrusts into you, brushing against your face, pulling on it to bring him closer. You think about that soft half chuckle he does, before he says something dirty like—

“Did you have something to add?” His voice right in front of you snaps you out of your trance. Fuck. You were not paying attention.

“Uh, No, Professor..” Your face is a deep red, embarrassed. You wish you could take off your hearing aids to stop listening to all the giggling from around you, from peers who are thrilled that Professor Murdock’s little (not-so) secret admirer got called out for her staring.

“Hm,” he taps the table in front of you, “Then I want you paying attention.” He says, before going back to his lecture. You could die right there. Everyone is laughing at you. He embarrassed you.

Okay, so you have no proof that he’s ever wanted you in the way that you’ve been so god damn desperate for him, but it’s still crushing that he’d single you out in that way. That maybe while you were increasingly needy for him, he found you fucking annoying, in such a way that he felt the need to embarrass you in front of your peers.

You want to melt—Melt into a puddle with just your boots and your hearing aids left behind so you never have to face him ever again. That’s why you’re so relieved when he dismisses class right on time (Well, right on time for him. He always ends class five minutes early to leave room for questions) and you quickly gather your things.

Because of the sheer level of embarrassment he has caused you, the other students in the class who want him try to flock to him, sensing that you no longer have the confidence to engage with him—But your desire is still there, as you messily shove your things into your backpack. You turn when you’re finished, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

Your face is still flushed, part because you’re embarrassed, part because you are out of breath from rushing. But you are faced with the view of your professor, all alone. Your breath hitches when his hand moves up to the top of his tie, as he smooths it out, running his fingers down the fabric.

“I read your essay on the expectations of the courts and law versus the realities of it. I loved it. The argument using Gideon versus Wainwright to justify the existence of the right to counsel as a civil right and not a liberty was fascinating, especially considering your other arguments about how race, class and gender play into those realities. Well done. I thought it was some of your best work.”

Your face is flushed for a new reason now. Wasn’t this the same man who was mad at you for not paying attention?

“I thought so too.” You confess, and he just smiles. He loves that you’re confident in your work. You’ll make a great lawyer one day.

“Oh, and,” He digs through his leather satchel to pull out some notes, running his finger over the folder tab to make sure he has the right folder, “Here are the printed copy of our notes from the last few lectures.” It’s part of your accommodations that professors give you a copy.

“Thanks, Professor.” You smile gently, reaching out to take the papers. Your hands meet and as you grip the notes, the tips of your fingers just barely brush against his. Neither of you say anything. Neither of you let go.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you today.” He starts, “But you’re bright—Smarter than most of your professors, I bet. And I don’t want you to fall behind.” He says softly, and without saying it, you know he’s worried because of your hearing. He was disabled in law school once upon a time, and he recognizes your potential.

“It’s okay.” You say softly, softer than your voice usually is. “I get it, really. It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” He says gently, letting go of the papers now. As you clutch them close to your chest, his hand goes back up to mess with his tie again. Does he know what he’s doing? Does he know how wild it drives you? He must. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“See you on Thursday.” You agree, and that’s when you leave the classroom.

As the door closes behind you, he listens intently. He hears your nervous heartbeat, could practically feel the heat radiating off you. But he knows your routine by now. You’re about to start playing music, and he likes knowing what sort of mood you’re in as you leave his class.

A smile spreads across his face when he hears the opening notes of that new Hozier song, ‘Too Sweet’.

• • •

You are a straight A student. You study days in advance for exams, you write elaborate study guides and most of all, you do not miss class, unless you are dying (no, seriously, the last time you missed class you were rushed to the hospital, sick with pneumonia after a big exam, which you aced). So, when you’re not in Matt’s class on Thursday, he tries not to panic.

You’re a grown woman, he tells himself, and he doesn’t have an attendance policy, having told the class on syllabus day that he trusted them to know when to come to class and when they should go lay in the sun or stay home with a bad cold.

But you once came to class doped up on cold medicine with a mask on, just because you didn’t want to miss any important information. He heard it before you got to class, so he faked a family emergency to cancel class early that day. He could hear your rattled sigh of relief as the other students flooded out.

And he knows for a fact you didn’t show up today because of how fucking loud you are; You don’t mean to be, but he can hear the light buzzing of your hearing aids, and you wear these big work boots that stomp even when you’re trying to step lightly. And he heard neither buzzing nor stomps today.

Oh, your boots. He’s spent years with everything being too loud, but he just can’t help but think about the boots—What color were they? What were their texture? He has this fantasy that lives at the very back of his mind of putting you in heels, heels too big for anyone let alone a girl who only wears clunky work boots, that way he would have to help you, take care of you, and it is a fantasy that will probably live at the back of his mind until he dies.

Sure, he’d probably get married, settle down with someone his age and never worry if she might be dissatisfied with an older man, and she’ll be quiet. No hearing aids, no big boots. They’ll have kids, they’ll be happy together. He’ll still go to you when he can’t sleep, and no one will ever know.

Wait, what was he doing? Oh, right. You weren’t in class today.

His fingers move over the keyboard to look you up in the system. He clicks on the audio assistant to read him your information. It reads out your first and last name, middle initial, then your grade in his class (A+), your accommodations (Notes, time and a half, things like that), your birthday, and—

Wait, he takes a moment, and his fingers go over to his braille calendar, realizing that you’re taking a day off because it’s your birthday. A laugh escapes his lips, because how silly was he being?

His fingers move again to find your email address. He debates for a moment before adding the subject line, “Absence Today.” Then, he erases it and changes it to, “Class Today”, hoping you wouldn’t freak out before reading the email.

And just for a moment, he lets himself dream. He writes the following email to you,

“Hey, sweetheart—

Happy Birthday. I’m so happy you’re taking a break, you deserve it, more than anyone else I know. Are you doing something fun for it? Going out and getting wasted? Hooking up with some college guy who couldn’t fuck you properly?

If I could, my birthday gift to you would be a day spent with my face buried between your pretty thighs, although that might be a birthday gift to me and not to you. I’ve always been a selfish man, and you seem to be something I am entirely selfish about. I want your hands tangled in my hair, tugging on it as I taste you. I want you all to myself. I didn’t hear the buzzing of your hearing aids or the clunking of your boots, and I felt this striking yearning.

I can’t stand being around you without having you. It’s torture.

Happy Birthday,

Matthew.’

He thinks about it for a minute, before completely erasing the email, and sending you this one instead:

‘Missed you in class today! We went over the reading for Chapter Seven. Happy Birthday! Professor M’

He sends it, and then rubs his face, a long sigh leaving his lips. He is completely enamored by you, and it is so unfair.  You’d be in class on Monday, he told himself. He’d see you then, and it would be like getting his fix of you.

Then, he turns to the distraction of trying to grade papers. It won’t work. He’ll still have you on his mind all day, and there will be no relief in sleeping. Hopefully he’ll dream of that long day between your thighs.

• • •

Truth be told, you were not drinking and fucking some random guy when Matt emails you. You were cuddled up in bed, giggling and eating snacks, so many snacks, because, well, you took an edible with a bunch of your friends and now are high out of your mind.

Some animated shows are on in the background, and when your phone buzzes, you pick it up and almost melt when you see the email from your favorite professor. You start giggling like a kid, your fingers clutching your phone as you read the email over and over again.

One friend looks up to you from her place on your floor and asks, “Are you alright?”

You don’t answer at first, but then you nod, and pull your blanket close, imagining Matt’s arms around you. Your brain paints you a picture of him holding you against his chest and gently playing with your hair.

It’s a nice fantasy.

• • •

For being a law student, you really fucking hate it sometimes. Okay, that’s not true. You love being a law student and are so excited to go out into the world and make that difference. But you’d be lying if you don’t sort of contemplate dropping out and getting a sugar daddy over certain assignments.

Maybe Matt is in the market. Then you shake your head to get the thought out of there, before opening your laptop to check your professor’s office hours. The one that assigned this assignment is an old bat who does not have office hours except for during your other classes on Fridays.

Then, you look at Matt’s office hours. He has office hours right now. You click the pen in your hand a few times, thinking. Contemplating. Would he want to see you at this point? Would you be able to control yourself?

You give the question you’re working on one more time before you lean down and grab your boots, starting to lace them up. Then, you pack up your bag, heart beating nervously over what—Asking him for help with an assignment?

You make it all the way across campus, the whole time worried about if you’ll walk in on your professor with some other girl. You almost laugh at that thought, because you think you’re silly for how dramatic you are about the man.

You stand down the hallway from his office for a few minutes, just contemplating. You could just turn around and not at all open the possibility of being around him, and everything stays the same. Nothing changes, and your relationship with your professor maintains it’s strictly professional relationship.

You walk towards the door, knocking on it before holding your breath.

“Come on in,” He calls from behind the door. Now or never. You open the door, and smile in his direction.

“Hey, professor,” You greet, a soft smile on your face. His tie is loose around his neck. You blink away whatever daydream your brain wants to dive headfirst into.

“Hey,” He greets, “I don’t think you have any assignments due, so what’s up?” He asks, tilting his head in your direction. As you think about it, you realize that you do not need help with an assignment.

“This is going to sound like a lie. But I had trouble with this assignment earlier, and suddenly I walked in here and realized I knew exactly what I was doing. I’m sorry for bothering you.” You explain, but you make no attempt to turn around and leave.

“Let me guess,” He starts, gauging by what year and academic proficiency you’re at, “Professor Reid’s estate planning class? That assignment about the will and testament of an old lady with a marriage less than 90 days and estranged kids?”

You groan and take a seat in one of the chairs in his office. He laughs in response, shaking his head.

“That old bat.” You roll your eyes. He just smiles and shakes his head.

“You’ll be fine. Just remember to cheat on your final.” He tells you, and you give him a perplexed look.

“What?”

“Well, for the final, there’ll be a question about a super niche argument on inheritance. Just cheat on it.”

“You’re a professor, telling me to cheat?”

“I cheated on it,” He shrugs. You suddenly remember that he used to go to school here and has taken all the classes you’re struggling with right now.

“You’re being unprofessional.” You tell him, and he smiles again. Your heart skips a beat, and somehow, his smile grows. As if he knows exactly what sort of effect he has on you. As if this is all a game he likes to play with you, his eager and willing participant.

“Okay, forget that I told you to cheat on Reid’s exam. We have to talk about something, it would be awkward to just sit here in silence. Uh, what did you major in in undergrad?”

“English. I minored in Disability studies.”

“So why Law?” He asks curiously, leaning forward and clasping his hands together, before resting them on his desk. Jesus Christ.

“I’m tired of being poor.” The answer slips out before you can really stop yourself. He laughs again, and something in you stirs. As if making him laugh is the newest way you feel good about yourself. How twisted is that? “I’m being serious!” You laugh too, unable to contain it.

“I’m sure,” he promises, “I grew up poor too, I was sick of it too. But if you’re going to be a lawyer—”

“You need to have respect for the law and the people taken advantage by it,” You finish, “I get that, really, I do. And I want to help people. I want to go into divorce law and help all the poor and battered women like—” You’re forgetting yourself. You’re forgetting that this isn’t a date and that this man is your professor.

“Like..?” He prods you to finish, curious. He is on the edge of his seat about you. This is more than he has gotten of you in the past few weeks you’ve been taking his class.

“Like my mom.” You finish suddenly looking for something to do with your hands. Anything, really. “But the check that comes with it isn’t exactly deterring me, you know?”

“I get that,” he says earnestly, “I was an orphan, one of those dirty scrappy ones you feel bad for,” he does that half chuckle that makes you want to go over there and kiss him. “Never knew my mom, and my dad died when I was young. So, I get it. Being poor and wanting to do better for yourself. For your parent who sacrificed for you.”

But it clicks for him, the hidden meaning behind your ambitions. You have daddy issues, and he can tell that’s part of your crush on him. Though, he’ll never say it to you. He’ll let it be something unspoken between the two of you.

“Yeah, I guess you do get it.” You smile softly. But this is dangerous. So so dangerous. The two of you are dancing this dangerous line—Well, more like you’re damn well dancing clear over the line and ignoring it. But you don’t know how to stop it. Maybe you don’t want to stop it.

“Well, uh, maybe you could finish that assignment while we’re here.” He clears his throat, straightening his tie and you try to connect the wires in your brain to focus on the assignment. You pull it out of your bag and place it on his desk, smoothing it out a bit. Matt gets up and starts to wander around the office, and you look at him curiously. “I think better when I can move around.”

You should’ve known that much, you have stared at him doing lectures, wandering from end to end of the rows and rows in the classroom.

“Yeah, totally,” You nod, focusing on the assignment. It’s on paper, the old bat refuses to use online assignments. You’re practically flying through the assignment, and it’s at the point where you are forgetting your company. In fact, you really don’t notice him.. Until you lean back and stretch, jumping when you realize that Matt has taken a spot right behind you, his hands on the arms of your chair, leaning forward. You’re practically leant up against him.

“See? Was that so hard?” Your face flushes, his voice right next to your ear. He has to know; he has to know how you’re affecting him. You tilt your head a bit, and your eyes are level with his chin. His stubble moves as he sets his jaw. He doesn’t smell much like anything… except the faintest hint of clean sheets and this slight scent of mahogany. It would go perfect with a whiff of whiskey.

“No,” you say quietly, and he almost shudders at the feeling of your warm breath against his cheek. “Not at all, Prof—”

“Call me Matt.” It’s almost begging. You’re kind of into it, but that’s not surprising given how incredibly attractive you find him.

“Okay.” You say quietly. He has reduced you to one-word answers. The two of you stay quiet for a while. You’re unsure what to say. Matt is contemplating his options. Anyone could walk in on the two of you like this. The door isn’t locked, and you want to bring this up, but the words die out in your throat. His head tilts a bit towards you, and you get a glimpse at those perfect lips of his.

“You know—” He starts, but before he can get any farther, you lean in and kiss him. You kiss him intensely, your hand on his cheek, and for once, you are not filled with regret at a bad decision. He doesn’t react at first, and for just a second, you’re nervous.

Then, He kisses you back, letting out this deep hum as he deepens the kiss. He tilts his head to get deeper into your mouth, and his hands make their way down to your hips. He focuses for a second, before wrapping his arms around you to pick you up and sitting you on his desk.

His hands trail down as the pair of you kiss, landing on your thighs. His fingers rub back and forth, and you gasp when he squeezes your thighs. He grins and takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your clunky boots hit against his desk and he practically growls at the sound. He pulls away, his teeth biting your bottom lip as he does.

You’re completely out of breath, and so is he. He stumbles back a bit, his lips swollen and bright pink from kissing you. He wipes his mouth as he pants, and inhales deeply. You run your fingers through your hair, brushing the hair that has fallen onto your face.

“We..” he mumbled gently, running his hand over his chin. “Holy shit, kid—”

“Don’t call me kid—”

“Listen,” he goes over to you and brushes the hair from your face, “That was.. it was phenomenal, but someone could’ve walked in on that, and.. Fuck, if we do that again, I won’t be able to keep my hands off you.” he confesses, his hands on your cheeks.

“When I was staring off into space last week, I was thinking about your tie.” You tell him, your hands are finding the base of it now. He tilts his head, curiously.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Was daydreaming about it brushing against my face as you fuck me.” You could swear his face is red. You grin.

“Yeah?” He laughs, taking the tie from you and bringing the tie up to brush against your cheeks, “Like that?” he teases, and you laugh back. Dick.

“Mhm,” You giggle, and your hands find his, wrangling the tie out of his hands, and tugging on it, before bringing him in for another kiss. He inhales deeply as he kisses you, taking the taste of you in for a moment before pulling away.

“I’m serious, sweetheart, this is dangerous.”

“Sweetheart?” You grin. He takes your chin and grips it between his thumb and pointer finger.

“Hey. Pay attention.” He says, and you want to argue that saying things in that low gravely tone will not help you pay attention, but you can tell he’s serious. That he wants your attention focused on him, this is important. “Listen. I like you. I like you a lot, but we have to be careful if we want any of this to go further. We have to be subtle and watch our steps.” He says softly.

“Okay.” You promise, “Okay, we should be careful.” He smiles gently and leans in to kiss your forehead.

“Good pup.” He hums, and your face flushes.

“I like ‘pup’.” You like sweetheart too, but your stomach flips when he calls you pup.

“Yeah, I know you do.” He grins. “Wanna get out of here?”

“I thought you said we have to be careful.”

“Okay, then I’ll give you my address and you can come over.” He shrugs. “I know how badly I need you, I can only imagine how you feel.” He hums, and you grin.

“Okay, Here, give me your phone.” Matt fishes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you. You put your number in with your name, sending yourself a quick text before handing the phone back to him. “There. Send it to me.” He steps back so you can hop off the desk, before putting your homework back in your bag.

As you sling your bag over your shoulder, he grabs your wrist in his hand and pulls you close, just to kiss you again.

• • •

Your hands are shaking as you drive over to Matt’s apartment. You’re so full of desire for him, and you take a second after parking the car to adjust your hair and makeup. Luckily you had no plans with your friends so it’s not like you’re hiding anything from anyone.

Are you about to sleep with the professor you’ve had a crush on since the beginning of the semester? Hopefully. You take a quick glance down to the apartment number he sent you before climbing out of the car, locking it behind you.

Then, you manage your way through the building, finding yourself in front of his door for the second time tonight. You hesitate. Though, you’re not sure why. Well, maybe you do. Maybe you’re terrified that this is going to be bad. Or maybe that you’re scared you’ll be bad, and he’ll hate you.

Maybe you just need to get over yourself. Although, you can’t really do much more convincing because Matt swings open the door and grins at you. You almost die at the sight of him. His tie is gone, and his shirt is unbuttoned by three buttons.

“You’re so hot,” You blurt out as you hand him a cheap bottle of wine you picked up on the way here.

“You’re cute,” he hums, grabbing your arm and pulling you into the apartment, leaving you giggling as he closes the door behind you. You look around his apartment, your eyes catching on the giant billboard. You’re standing in front of the window when he comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. His lips gently kiss your neck, up and down, biting your shoulder gently. “Enamored by the billboard, sweetheart?”

“Your windows are so big, probably a lot of light in here during the day.” You say softly, and he smiles against your neck.

“Mhm, one day, I’ll fuck you against those windows—”

“Matt,” You groan, but he just shushes you and kisses your neck again.

“I know, pup,” He hums, “But don’t worry, I’ll show you a very nice time, hear all those pretty noises you can make for me.” You blush, turning to say something to him but he wraps his arms around your waist again, before throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you to his room. You’re laughing all the way there, before throwing you onto the bed.

“Mean.” You accuse, but he shrugs.

“You’ll get over it, sweetheart, I promise.” He hums, and you sit up on his bed. He stands between your legs, leaning down to kiss you gently, his hands finding your cheeks again. He kisses you like this for a few minutes, before slowly kneeling in front of you, never breaking the increasingly sloppy kiss. You pull away from the kiss to study him. He tilts his head, his hands finding your thighs to rub them again as he did in the office. “What?” he asks gently.

“I spent all those lectures only being able to study you from a far.. Just let me really look at you for a while..” You request. He grins gently as your fingers run over his stubble again. Your hands move up to his glasses. “Can I take these off?” You request, tilting your head.

Matt hesitates, just for a second. He’s not really used to it, to someone truly wanting to see him, every part of him. But he trusts you, wants you to see him. So he nods, letting out a soft ‘yeah’ as you pull off those circular red glasses, gently folding them and setting them down somewhere safe.

Then, you take a good, long look at his eyes. They’re this deep brown, almost black, irises that are drop dead gorgeous. The skin around his eyes is scarred, but the scars are old, yet, you rub your thumb gently against that scarred skin. You lean in and press a kiss to the corner of his eyes, first the left one, then the right one.

He leans up and kisses you after that, his hands slowly making their way down your legs. Your hands find his buttons of his shirt starting to undo them. He pulls away from the kiss, before slipping off his button up, throwing it away somewhere in the room. Your eyes drift down to these scars on his collarbones, and your fingers run over them. Then, you notice other scars on his skin, and your hands find those too.

“Your boots are so loud,” he hums, and you’re taken back by it.

“What?”

“Your boots.” He hums, “I hear you stomping around with these things on, they’re.. Like a bell, you know? I like knowing you’re around.” His fingers go down to the laces of your left boot, slowly untying them. Then, he does the same with the right boot.

He pulls off your boots, before running his fingers over your socks.

“They’re multicolored. Bright and patterned.” You confess, and he grins, before pulling them off. Then, he stops, realizing you have another pair of socks on. He blinks, before starting to laugh.

“You have two pairs of socks on?” he chuckles, your face flushing.

“My boots are just a little too big!” You tell him, and he laughs, resting his head against your thigh. He finishes taking your socks off, before working on the buttons of your jeans. When he finally gets those undone, he pulls off your pants, throwing them somewhere close to his now abandoned shirt. His hand comes up to rub you through your panties, and he lets out a scoff as he does.

“So wet for me, pup..” He mumbles, coming up to gently kiss your cheeks and then your jaw, as you whine. “I know, baby, I know,” he says softly, rubbing your clit gently. You whine gently at the feeling, gripping his wrist. He chuckles softly, kissing you to shut you up a bit.

He pulls his hand away from your throbbing cunt to pull off your tee shirt, throwing it wherever. He starts to kiss you as you fiddle with the buttons of his pants and pull them off, letting him step out of the before he casts them away.

You grin into the kiss, before he pulls away.

“What? What’s got you so giddy, pup?” he asks, a grin on his face too.

“Briefs,” You hum, fiddling with the waistband of his briefs, and he laughs, shaking his head.

“Thinking about your professor’s underwear?” He teases, leaning in to bite your neck. “Dirty, dirty girl.” He grins, and you swat at his shoulder, which causes him to laugh. He likes having fun with you, even if it’s not inherently sexual.

His hands come up to run gently over your skin, trailing from your hands up to your shoulders, and then all the way to your ears, where his fingers gently run over your hearing aids. It’s a nice gesture, really, but as soon as his fingers brush over your hearing aids, you immediately retract, the feedback shooting through your skull, uncomfortably.

“Ow—” You cringe, leaning your head back to try and get away from his fingers. He cringes, hearing the feedback, not as badly as you do but knowing it’s there and that you’re in pain pains him.

“I’m sorry,” he coos softly, his fingers moving down to cup your jaw. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I hadn’t realized—”

“Hey, it’s okay,” You hum, tilting your head to kiss his palm gently. “It happens, It’s why you should never touch them while I have them on.” You shrug. He leans down and kisses your stomach a bit, before going back to kiss you again, deepening the kiss a bit before roughly shoving you back on the bed. You giggle as he climbs on top of you, caging you in between his legs, as he slips his tongue into your mouth again. He kisses you with passion and need, and it drives you entirely too wild. As he pulls away, one hand comes up to grip your chin, before he leans down with his head against yours.

“Want me to fuck you, pretty thing?” He asks gently, his voice sweet as honey as he talks so obscenely to you. You whine, finally getting what you want after weeks and months of waiting. He just smiles and shakes his head, “No, no, puppy, you gotta say it to me.” He requests.

“Yes, I want you..” You groan, bucking your hips a bit at the thought of him finally fucking you.

“Want me to do what?” he asks, innocently.

“Want you to fuck me, please..” You request, and this finally seems to satisfy him. His hand comes down to unhook your bra, throwing it behind him with the rest of your clothes, before his lips begin to travel downwards, kissing down your jaw and neck, before he’s kissing the valley of your breasts, his hand going down to rub your clit again.

He groans against your skin at the feeling of your wetness soaking through your underwear and listening to your moans. His hands begin to work to take off your panties, and as soon as those are gone, your hands come up to his briefs, wanting them gone.

“Off, off, off—” You huff, and he laughs as he slips them off. Then, he reaches over and grabs a condom from the bedside table, but you grab his hand, shaking your head, “No, no—I’m on the pill, promise.”

“You sure?” He asks gently, and you nod, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

“Sure.” You nod, and then you’re kissing him again, your hand going down to stroke his cock, and he gasps into the kiss, before chuckling. He pulls away to mutter out to you--

“Needy girl,” he purrs, before moving to kiss you again. As you’re kissing, he slips his cock into you, and you moan into the kiss, tensing at the feeling, “Relax for me, pup.. So fucking tight for me.” He groans, his hand coming down to swat your thigh. “Relax.” He tells you, his voice sterner this time.

You nod, trying to form a more conscious thought than the pure bliss you feel, your hands wrapping around his neck, scratching down his back a bit. He groans softly, as he starts to slowly thrust into you. He is using every ounce of self-control he has, resisting the urge to absolutely violate you.

But he’s trying to be gentle, be nice.

“Faster,” You gasp out, your fingers pulling on the hair at the nape of his neck. He does that half chuckle, and it makes you whine as he begins to speed up.

“Beautiful little pup..” he says lowly, “Been staring at me.. Wanting your professor so badly these past few weeks, dirty little thing,” he hums, “Fuck, so.. fuck..” Your legs are beginning to shake the longer and harder he thrusts into you. “So fucking good for me..” You whine into his lips as they crash into yours, one hand going down to rub your clit gently, the stimulation too much for someone who hasn’t had sex this good, ever, but especially because you haven’t had sex at all in the past.. well, six or more months.

“Matty, ‘m..” You can barely get the words out as he fucks you harder,

“I know baby, come on, cum for me, pup,” he coos, his thrusts nor rubbing slowing down, maintaining his pace. Within a minute, you’re coming with loud moans into his ears, and he’s following suit shortly after, coming deep inside you.

But for the few minutes after the two of you finish, he continues his thrusting, relishing in the pretty moans and the sound of his deep thrusts into you. Eventually, he slows down, remaining deep inside of you. He pulls you close, kissing you deeply before flipping the pair of you over, and holding your legs close to stay buried deep inside of you.

For a few minutes, there are no words spoken, just deep, frantic pants and sweaty skin against each other.

“You know, that was as good as I’ve been fantasizing about for weeks.” You pant, “Better, even..” He laughs and nods.

“Me too..” he kisses you softly. “Let me take you out somewhere.”

“I thought we had to be careful..”

“We’ll go away somewhere then. Just the two of us for the weekend. I need to be with you, I can’t get enough of you now that I’ve had a taste.. Besides, I haven’t even eaten you out. Now that, that is going to be fun.” He grins, and you swat his arm.

“Evil, mean man!” You gasp, and he just laughs, kissing your forehead.

“I’m sorry, pup, let me make it up to you,” he hums.

“How?”

“Calling you pup a few times, ordering Thai food and teaching you how to suck me off?”

“I know how to suck you off,” You scoff.

“Oh yeah?” He tilts his head, leaning in to kiss him. Then, lips still against yours, he whispers, “Prove it, pretty puppy.”

[hrrtshape]

so let’s talk severance. and shifting. and briefly about loa.

because. i'm confused. this is an open forum for anyone who has ever stared into the abyss and had the abyss stare back, except the abyss is a fluorescent-lit office cubicle and the abyss is also your bedroom, and you are in both places at once, except not really.

quick recap for the uninitiated: in severance, employees undergo a procedure that splits their consciousness in two. the ‘innie’ only exists at work, the ‘outie’ only exists outside of it. neither remembers the other’s life. a clean, surgical divide. a self cleaved in two like some corporate-cooked ouroboros. make sense? no? yes? congratulations, you are alive.

now. shifting. shifting isn’t exactly that. but. isn’t it a little bit that? just a fraction? a sliver? because your dr self isn’t some blank-faced mannequin waiting for cr you to clock in and take over. they’re not a placeholder, not a consciousness-on-pause. they exist. fully. they are you in the same way you are you. and when you shift, you don’t overwrite them. you sync with them. it’s stepping into a river that was already rushing, already frothing, already carrying you forward before you even realized you were ankle-deep.

so no, your dr self doesn’t ‘know’ about shifting. until you shift. unless they were already aware of shifting. but let’s not go full inception just yet. because before that moment, they were just living, unbothered, thriving, possibly drinking a very good martini, possibly about to be hit by a cab. and now, here you are. a new awareness superimposed onto the old. which begs the question: if you can shift into them, could someone shift into you? could cr you be the outie in someone else's severance? is some other version of you sliding into place, right now, reading this, wearing your socks, stealing your morning?

let’s get messier. let's talk homework. let’s talk clones. let’s talk about whether or not i would even know if i had shifted. because. okay. say cr me is the innie. and the shifting me.....the one actively intending, scripting, affirming....is the outie. would my innie know the outie had shifted? would i know? or am i a paper doll, neatly folded into a reality i had no hand in choosing, while some other me slides into the cockpit?

because let’s discuss. people talk about clones. about leaving something behind to keep up appearances. but are they aware? do they feel it? do they have the creeping suspicion that reality is off by a fraction of a millimeter? do they ever get that thing where they walk into a room and forget why they’re there, except it’s their entire life? if shifting is severance, who's the innie and who's the outie? is cr you the outie, with full agency, only vaguely aware of the other? or is cr you the innie, there in a single slice of reality, while your dr self gets the full panoramic view? maybe it’s neither. maybe the whole premise collapses because, unlike severance, the connection is never actually severed. i think that this can be applied to manifestation too. because. if you manifest, say, a different face.....is the you with the old face aware that it worked???

maybe you are both. maybe it depends on where you stand. maybe it depends on where you shift. maybe none of us know what we’re talking about and reality is a mobius strip we’re all just scrambling across in different directions, trying to make it make sense.

anyway. thoughts? feelings? a growing sense of dread?