#also my ex texts me all the time still - mostly just memes - which I don’t mind too much because the breakup wasn’t the worse and it’d be

[starkidlabs]

I need to get out more and maybe start trying to date again. I keep crushing on any boy that’s nice to me and seems fun which is probably not a good thing.

[femconstellation]

4 for the ask meme please

4 - Trans-identified males

This is gonna be… a long post.

My first interaction with a TIM (that was actually me sharing a circle with a TIM rather than a TIM in passing) is when my ex started interacting with a lot of discourse accounts, and this TIM became mutuals with my ex and then me. He posted a lot of anti-feminist pro-cop stuff. He said a lot of misogynistic stuff and then defended it by saying he’s a woman and could say that stuff. I stopped interacting with him after a Pride event where he was supposed to go but didn’t, but I went with my ex and my ex choked me out in front of her discourse account friends and they all (including tbe TIM) proceeded to joke about it online.

Another TIM is when I was on cosplay tiktok, and I saw a TIM cosplayer that got semi-popular (but mostly because of his relation to actual popular cosplayers) post about how transmisogyny was one of the most important issues. And I didn’t want to be a mean bigot, so I supported him. I ended up meeting him at a con a few times, and it was weird honestly. Nothing specifically weird happened, but he liked to joke about being a dyke a lot. And then he started making posts on his tiktok about how most lesbians wouldn’t date trans women because they are taught by society that lesbians don’t like penis rather than lesbians actually not being attracted to penis. He got some backlash and deleted it, but I was mutuals with him on his instagram and his private instagram, and on his priv, he stood by what he said. That is what made me get the ick about the ‘lesbians should like penis’ arguments.

Another TIM is someone who STILL harasses me on my instagram, but I don’t block because of the following story. He dmed me after following me because of a TIF friend we shared, and I chatted back because I wanted to make friends. After I turned 18, I had a private Instagram to talk about nsfw topics with my 18+ friends (all around my age), and he followed it. I posted about something vaguely nsfw, and he texted me asking to sext. Which I said I was uncomfortable with. But he asked a second time and then a third and I eventually just said yes. He asked for photos, and I sent them. He sent me his penis. I ended up logging out after that conversation and stayed on my main instagram, but like two years ago (so when I was 19, a year ish after it happened), in one of his many weird dms to me, he sent one of my pics and it scared the fuck out of me 👍 So I just ignore him and hope he doesn’t do anything tbhtbh

I also just interact with TIMs because I’m into cosplay, and if you go to cons, you WILL have genuine AGPs coming up to you. 😀

[47crayons]

THE WICKED WITHIN—A COMIC SANS WIP REINTRO

!!!!! it's here :D the wip that started to consume me and has been continuing to do so since, now with a much better sense of what exactly is Happening

current tww taglist let me know to be +/- !! @a-completely-normal-writer @writing-is-a-martial-art @wannabeauthorzofija @magic-is-something-we-create @croctears @writeblrfantasy @opes-magnas @author-a-holmes @zoya-writes@fuyugomori @ink-fireplace-coffee

transcript is under the cut!!!

[transcript: a powerpoint presentation of black text on white background, written entirely in comic sans.

start slide one the top left corner reads in red, "warnings (most relevant) war, death, drugs (& addiction), poison". in the center, "the wicked within", and underneath it in smaller font, "a comic sans reintro by @47crayons". the comments around the entire slide read "a family that is so found!!!", "gang rivalry :D and gang content in general", "crime found family basically", "childhood friends to STILL FRIENDS", "all queer cast :p", "eat the rich (not quite, but it’s the right sentiment aldskjfls)", "kickass women, yeah bay bee", "nuanced relationships between different groups :D", "morally grey characters!!!", "so many different governments!!!", "a (mostly alsjflksdj) stable relationship!!!" end slide one

start slide two in the beginning of time… there were four gods: eltenjer, he/him, earth; skari, he/him, fire; aenged, they/them, air; thilda, she/her, water. i didn’t /mean/ for them to have genders, but a quiet breeze whispered “psst. i use they/them.” in the beginning? so you mean… they’re not there anymore? kind of! the gods need followers to survive, and after several unfortunate events, they lost the majority of their followers. the aforementioned unfortunate events: the great ruination, in which natural disasters caused several years of famine and other hardship. the restoration era, in which renovation led people to believe they can live without the gods. if the gods are dead, what’s the point? the gods aren’t /really/ dead, closer to dormant. they can’t actively interact with the mortal realm, but IF they had followers, they would come back to life. oh. did i mention that they control the magic. end slide two

start slide three the dormant gods who can't do... anything control the magic??? hey, no one said magic always has to work. foreshadowing alert huge foreshadowing alert. let’s talk about how magic works, shall we :D people use the Spirit to do magic. people have a Vessel (representation of stamina or how much Sprit can be used at once, can be trained!). people also have a Strength (a type of magic that works well with the user, these have varying frequencies which also depends on location). there’s too much i could say here, but the important thing is the main characters’ Strengths. the right depicts an image of a flowchart showing that gods need followers and produce sprit. people need spirit to do magic. end slide three

start slide four okay but where are we??? where could the magic be so fucked? well, here, of course! the left side shows a line art map, split into five parts going clockwise: portingdale, worchester, the hooks, elderwood, unlabeled. the legend shows that there are mountains in portingdale, forests in elderwood, and rivers that run from portingdale to everywhere else. the place where the four labeled regions meet is called the Inner City. the text on the right reads. welcome to Kjer! there are 3 districts. but wait! there are five? sections? and one isn’t even labelled. worchester used to be a district,,, but it left after the war began. the unlabeled section is the disputed region (re: war). let’s talk more about this war. elderwood wanted easier access to water (see: the rivers in the Wetlands) elderwood & portingdale have been fighting there on and off for over half a century. the hooks has three wards: west (hella rich), south (lower income), north (somewhere in between). end slide four

start slide five whomst. skip to the next slide if you want the actual characters. character basics: the unnecessarily-winded-and-cram-a-lot-of-lore-in version. in the North Ward of The Hooks, there are three main gangs. Kaer Styen, meaning “wicked ones”, Ghetfaer Skarnen, meaning “trickster lords”, Ad Knesten, meaning “the grumbles”. that was so many capital letters i don’t like capital letters alskjdflksjd. they have rivalries and conflicts from time to time, but it’s pretty rare. the tww cast is kaer styen !!! their main means of profit is a drug called jezdin. relieves physical and mental pain. lethal in high. quantities/ when tampered with. can also be addictive. they operate out of a dingy tavern-like building, and they live upstairs!!! okay so this is purely for vibes. how did u know. end slide five

start slide six the Gang. literally :3 Kaer Styen, my beloved. the first thing in each of their bios is their Strength (re: the magic slide). artbreeders!!! i fixed quite a few of them, but my artbreeder skills are questionable at best. this slide is split into three columns. the first column shows a white person with short, brown, curly hair and a firm, but not angry, facial expression. len, he/him, pan. Shifter (can manipulate physical properties). cynical, very cynical (because he has killer instincts). “oh people are dying? am i dying? are you dying? why should i care?” in a relationship with cal. the second column shows a person who appears east asian with long, black, wavy hair and fair skin. chloe, she/her, aroace. Chemist (chemistry but magical). literal archery god. also she’s so quiet it’s SCARY. seems welcoming, emphasis on /seems/ she’ll destroy your ass. knows what you’re feeling. she just. knows. the third column shows a white person with dirty blonde hair. they are smiling. cal, they/them, bi. Whisperer (can persuade others through speech/music). so casually funny all your burdens disappear for a hot minute. gets very attached very deeply. grew up in Portingdale which becomes Important later. end slide six

start slide seven cont. also they have piercings!!!! maybe i will make some picrews later (listen, i KNOW i’ve said this before but. maybe i’m for realsies this time, okay?) this slide is also split into three columns. the first a smiling white female with light blonde hair. eden, she/her?, demi lesbian. Healer (healing magic <3). seen hell and doesn’t want others to suffer. still believes in the gods’ existence. we Don’t talk about her awful parents. raised by a lovely woman in the South Ward, known as Nana. this eye (left) is almost PURPLE which i didn’t do on purpose but is honestly such a cool idea. the second column shows a partially smiling black man with short curly hair. jereth, he/him, gay. powerful life magic thing (will be spoilers if i talk any more). joins them at the beginning. honestly kind of scared of them (who wouldn’t be), but wants to live up to expectations. throws himself into stuff to avoid Thoughts. the third column shows a woman with brown skin, black wavy hair, and a small smile. she is NOT a member of Kaer Styen, but i’m talking about her here all the same. adalaide, she/her, bi (i didn’t like the e in adelaide alskdfjlsj). Melder (metals and the like). heir to the Portingdale throne (assuming her dad doesn’t disown her). Cal’s ex from a few~ years ago she’s still a lil’ hung up on them. technically an antagonist but i love her. so all my characters are queer sue me </3 end slide seven

start slide eight some semblance of plot? coming right up!! the four (jereth isn’t there yet!) are attacked in the Inner City. turns out it’s portingdale soldiers. and then they discover that portingdale has been poisoning the southern rivers (affects worchester and the south ward) because worchester doesn’t really contribute to Kjer as a whole. word gets out, and elderwood, naturally, is even angrier at portingdale (remember, they've been at war). so, they try to stop portingdale from being power hungry enough to poison the entirety of a country while learning about why worchester is so isolated while ALSO trying not to get killed by everyone who hates them. end slide eight

start slide nine memes :> the first is the meme of spongebob reading a sheet of paper and burning it. the paper reads, "going into worchester by yourself is going to get you KILLED", and spongebob is labelled "chloe". the second is the levels of brain template labelled "jereth". from the weakest to most powerful: "trying to figure out his magic", "doing it by accident", "saving everyone's lives". the third is the sleeping person and brain meme. brain: "you're going to portingdale". cal: yeah, i know. brain: you'll see adalaide. cal's eyes are wide open in fear. the fourth says "corporate needs you to find the difference between this image and this image". the first image says, "family", and the second one says, "len, chloe, cal, jereth." eden says, "they're the same picture". the fifth is the spiderman copycat meme where jereth is copying len. end slide nine

/end transcript]

[sportyclown]

how sawamura, miyuki, yuki, and kuramochi text (friends + s/os)

will most likely do a part 2 with more boys at a later date! these got freakishly long because i am, at my core, a very mad. also might revisit as i get re-familiar with the characters, i just had this idea floating around in my head. also the way these got pro

sawamura eijun

no matter who he texts, it’s always extremely extra. not only does he always give more information than you asked for – ex. if you text him wya? he will give you a play by play of his entire route or something

 he also uses tons of emoticons. and yes I do mean emoticons, baby boy has a flip phone. ifhe does eventually get a smart phone, then this boy overuses tf out of emojis. he’s the sort of person that sees someone use a combination of emojis he likes and then tries to copy them, but uses it completely incorrectly, but its v cute.

if you send him a meme, he will respond with an unnecessary amount of hahas. 

when he’s texting his lil bae, they’re always on his mind so he ofc texts them every thought that comes to his mind! when he sees something that reminds him of you, he won’t hesitate to share it with you. 

if you have been together for a long time, then we will definitely text you words of affirmation and be very honest/blunt about how he feels about you. he’s also always sure to ask you about your day - and he seriously cares. but i still i feel like with a s/o he would prefer facetime to texting just because he likes to see you :)

overall, a very adorable texter and his enthusiasm is just as contagious when texting as it is in person. he’s kind of clueless so he doesn’t pick up on subtext. so be blunt, just like he will be with you~

kuromochi youichi

my bias might be showing here, but I feel like he is one of the most well-adjusted boys in terms of being ready for a serious relationship tbh (at least post-high school). i mean we all saw that he regularly corresponded with wakana wish that were me lmao

i think he would most often use proper capitalization, but not to the point where he uses a period after every text

would send his friends news articles about his favorite fighting games where u like gaming or not

a meme fiend in general. the sort of person who uses reaction images of people he knows. (if you’re dating, he would still have a stash of funny pics/screenshots of you on ft, but he’d ofc only use them with you <3). his convos with his friends are rarely serious

 i don’t think he’d be the type to text haha out loud, but he does use LOL on occasion. with close friends/his lil bae he might send a voice memo of him laughing hysterically if you send him something REALLY funny. ugh my annoying king <3

unlike eijun he’s the king of being perceptive / picking up subtext. 

similarly, i do think he’s pretty reliable, but for friends i feel like he might make a lil bit of a stink lmao. like lets say a friend wants him to pick something up for them, he might play like he won’t do it then miraculously shows up with the requested item. its giving tsundere vibes on the low.

with his partner: i feel like he would use emojis when he’s trying to be ~cute~. i think with a established partner he’d be pretty flirty still but he’s v much whipped for his partner so its way more mushy than it would be early in the relationship.

yes your name has hearts/stars in his phone. mans is a SAP for you

his love language is more quality time imo, so I think he values time spent with you over texting time. so a lot of your texts might be asking you to come over to hang out / get a meal or vice versa

like eijun he wants to hear about YOU, and is very supportive and good at advice when he wants to be. he can be goofy but this is how he shows you he cares/sees you as more than a friend

he’s a blushy/shy boy with his s/o esp early in the relationship, so he might be hesitant or nervous to say “i love you” or anything like that outright, but you know anyway, which just makes the times when he does outright say it that much sweeter.

miyuki kazuya

i mean it goes without saying that this man is snarky. he’s not a meme king himself but he enjoys when people send them to him and will usually play off the meme to make his own jokes.

i feel like he also likes deep-fried memes or the very abstract, post-modern memes. miyuki is good at making other people laugh, but he has a generally very-off brand humor and the things that make him cackle hardest are either at someone else’s expense (very similar to kuramochi, so they bond a lot over that) or just indiscernible without access to a huge layer of context/background

saves the reaction photos kuramochi sends him, but doesn’t usually use them. but seeing an ugly pic of eijun yelling never fails to make him grin LMAO

i think he also texts A LOT about baseball, even more so than these other baseball dummies. texts his teammates a lot of articles he reads or clips from games/cool plays. this is mostly about texts, but in terms of social media I think miyuki uses twitter/instagram the most especially for baseball related reasons, while kuramochi uses snapchat the most. 

he probably texts a lot about baseball as well, both seriously and playfully

i can see him using hahas and LOLs in equal measure, but he would also utilize the haha reaction if he had an iphone. this boy does value his wit so he would definitely have commentary about any memes or jokes he’s sent

you won’t win a joke war against him, he will definitely one-up whatever you send him with either a one-liner or another joke. how tf does he do it?

definitely ignores people/conversations if he really wants to - but ofc he never does that to his BAE

if miyuki give you a dry one-line response...he’s not interested at all or he’s feeling frustrated about something else. but when he’s really happy? he will text his friends all the time and spam them! i see him as someone who enjoys texting when he has the attention span/state of mind for it. and when he’s texting his s/o his texting gets even more ~flavorful~

wit his lil bae: i don’t think miyuki would switch it up much w his s/o. is probably even more teasing with you over text than he is with his friends, which is saying something.

like talking with you just by nature of you being his partner. prob prefers texts to facetime because text kinda allows for maximum snark

he LIVES for you guys’ witty back and forth 

if he’s traveling for work or something, will definitely relish in you guys binge texting a tv show or something but just making funny commentary (or he’ll just send you funny commentary to get a reaction)

 he can dish it and he’s also not a super sensitive guy so he can take it tenfold from you as well. nothing y’all wouldn’t be used to when talking in person!

sometimes when texting him you’ll want to beat his a*s because he can be so cheeky but its endearing in a way. he definitely adds emojis to the end of his more annoying messages to give it that loveable vibe (and it works ofc, we love u miyuki)

he’s kinda clingy on the low so i think he’d prefer a partner that’s more open with their affection via text than he is. he would live for your random ilys or whatver throughout the day. also would not mind at all if you updated him on your actions throughout the day or sent him snaps - might not be able to respond to everything, but will react and appreciate it. very likely to make jokes about whatever you’re doing.

would also apologize over text. he’s not always used to apologizing can be awkward about it, so text makes it easier for him.

he would use emojis w you in a joking/ironic way. would absolute use those dumb but genius emoji combinations

yuki tetsuya

i’m literally cracking up thinking about texting him. he is one of my ultimate baes but im sorry i just know he texts dry asf. but its part of his charm!

has a flip phone. either never upgrades or gets the chunkiest most basic android if he is forced to

the thing is this man thinks that he is infusing all his texts with, like, tajin level seasoning, when in reality its pepper

uses punctuation. always. exclamation marks are used sparingly to express excitement.

but i can’t get the image out of my head of an upset tetsuya texting you a simple angry emoji (or the angry emoticon >:( LOL) if he’s reeeeeeally mad. but its v cute i can’t take him seriously. i just want to give him a hug <3

 but you know what he is so PASSIONATE about whatever he’s talking about that his passion bleeds into his text through sheer quantity of words and depth of thought. ultimately, all his conversations end up being extremely flavorful in terms of content. he is surprisingly good at having deep conversations over text.

he’s better at holding conversations with more extroverted personalities, truthfully.

he’s another one who sends random things to people when he thinks about them. miyuki of course gets so many texts/thoughts about shogi. if you get a random haiku, poem, or quote from testu, that means you’re blessed enough to be in his inner circle! he definitely thought of you when he read it and and wants you to respond!

with bae: he doesn’t really change up his texting style tbh, but he has a stronger outward reaction to what YOU text in response.

definitely the type to smile almost imperceptibly at his phone as he texts you, even if you send him something like “hey i’m at the store, want anything?”

he’s not great as verbal affection early in the relationship, so you’ll have to discern his love/affection. however baby boy is NOT afraid to just straight up say he loves you, he does it all the time and early.

he’s KNOWN for being reliable and responsible, so he will be at your beck and call when he’s able to for anything you need, but his heart is also warmed by the thought of you reciprocating that care. if your texts show him you’re thinking of him just like he does too. he’s very gentle and sweet, and checks up on you when he’s able to see if you need anything at all.

he might be reliable, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the quickest guy to respond to texts. he’s a busy guy, and he doesn’t think about his phone all the time, but he will always get back to you (bae does not play when it comes to completing things).

if they came up with a shogi game for gamepidgeon and tetsu had an iphone, your phone probably would be spammed with requests for games lol.

this is my first time doing headcanons like this so please let me know what you think or give me tips on how to improve! I really enjoying thinking about it so I hope to do more in the future <3

[daughterofluthien]

“decisions were respected” Sorry but didn’t Scott violently throw Isaac against a wall more than once just because Isaac liked his ex girlfriend in canon? That’s the literal opposite of healthy...

Hey, anon!

This is in reference to this post about Scallison for the shipping meme, where I said that one of my favorite things about Scallison is that the show lets them have a healthy breakup, and even date other people while still remaining friends. The scenes you are referring to are a pair of scenes in 3x13 Anchors.

So lets’s take a look.

(under a cut bc it turns out that when you try to be comprehensive, things get v long v quickly 😅)

The Scenes

I’m actually gonna copy/paste the dialogue of both scenes (along with minimal action/inflection notation for context) so that we can really make sure we know what we’re talking about here, so bear with me:

The first of these scenes occurs as Scott and Isaac are getting ready to head to school in the morning. After some initial ‘hey, what’re you doing, are you heading to school’ dialogue—during which both boys seem a bit awkward—we get the following:

ISAAC: [anxiously] Can I ask you a question? SCOTT: Okay... ISAAC: Are you angry with me? SCOTT: No! ISAAC: Are you sure? SCOTT: ...No. ISAAC: [awkwardly] What's that mean? SCOTT: I guess I'm not really sure how I'm feeling... ISAAC: [nodding] Okay. ...Do you hate me? SCOTT: [sighing] No, of course not. ISAAC: Do you want to hit me? SCOTT: [taken aback] No. ISAAC: I think you should hit me. SCOTT: I don't want to hit you. ISAAC: Are you sure? SCOTT: Why would I want to hit you? You didn't do anything, did you? ISAAC: [stammering] No. I mean, um... What do you mean? SCOTT: I mean, like, you didn't kiss her or anything, right? ISAAC: No! Absolutely not. No. SCOTT: ...Did you want to? ISAAC: Oh, yeah. Totally. [scene cuts to hallway outside the room. Isaac flies through the doorway and hits the wall] MELISSA: Hey! You two teenage boys? Don't test my entirely un-supernatural level of patience! ISAAC: ...Feel better?

The scene then ends, and we cut to subsequent scenes of Stiles and then Allison also getting ready for school.

The second scene is much shorter and happens later in the episode, after Isaac saves Lydia from an arrow that Allison fired while hallucinating. He and Scott are in Scott’s room again, and he’s telling him about the incident:

SCOTT: Right at her head? ISAAC: Almost right through it. And she keeps saying the same thing-- that she keeps seeing her aunt. Whatever's happening to you guys is getting worse. If I hadn't been there, then Lydia would be dead. SCOTT: ...What were you doing there? ISAAC: Uh... [scene cuts to hallway outside the room. Isaac flies through the doorway and hits the wall] MELISSA: [groaning] Oh, you guys, come on! This house does not have a supernatural ability to heal! So, stop it!

But of course just the text of the scene isn’t enough to accurately convey everything in even a tiny portion of a larger narrative, because nothing happens in a vacuum. With that in mind, let’s look at...

The Context 

The first of these scenes occurs immediately after the opening credits, and is the first time we see either Scott or Isaac this season. (Assuming you consider 3B a separate season, of course, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms. This tv show we all choose to enjoy sure is Something.)

Often, the opening of a season is used to reintroduce the audience to the main characters—letting us know where their characters arcs are starting, and what they’ll be struggling with this season. Teen Wolf did this previously (and did it well, imo) in 3x01 Tattoo. Act 2 of that episode begins with a series of four scenes showing our main characters getting ready for school in the morning, highlighting where everyone currently is, and setting up where their arcs are going to go.

Scene order taken by itself would seem to indicate that they were trying to do something similar in this episode. It starts off with the hook of Stiles’ extended nightmare sequence. He can’t tell dreams apart from reality anymore, and wakes up screaming. Cut to black, cue opening credit sequence.

Immediately after the first ad break, we get a sequence of three scenes. The first is the longer of the two Scott and Isaac scenes (which, as previously mentioned, occurs as they’re getting ready to head out to school). The second is of Stiles. He’s packing for school, and the audience learns that he’s been struggling to read when he’s awake as well. Finally, we see Allison leaving her and her dad’s apartment. She seems like she’s doing fine, if a little over-focused. But then she gets into the elevator, and has an extended hallucination/flashback of Kate.

We learn soon after this that all three of them (Scott, Stiles, and Allison) are suffering from the aftereffects of their sacrifice in the previous season. According to the explanations we get both from Kira and, later, from Deaton, they’re slipping into bardo, or the space between life and death, and there’s a door open in their minds. 

Okay, problem established.

It stands to reason, then, that all three of those opening scenes are supposed to serve to set up this problem. We’re shown, in three successive scenes, that all three of our sacrificees are, as the kids say, Not Doing So Hot.

(yes I know the kids don’t say that, let me be an increasingly out-of-touch millennial in peace)

This is all well and good, and honestly makes sense! Under this paradigm, the Scott and Isaac scene should be highlighting that Scott is Losing Control. Bardo is affecting him, and it’s causing him to be more aggressive. Giving in to violence in a way that he generally holds himself back from. Heck, the scene even starts with Scott flexing his fingers, and we (and Scott) see the shadow of a clawed hand against the door.

In the context of the narrative, it makes sense.

Except.

eXCEPT—

The Framing

The thing about the medium of television is that, when we’re talking about a scene, we can’t just look at the narrative structure. We also have to look at the scene itself: how it’s shot and directed, how it’s edited, even what music is paired with the scenes.

In the Stiles and Allison sequences, the scenes are very clearly shot for tension and horror. Long lingering shots on the things that Just Aren’t Right. Music that heightens the tension. Stiles gets some nice lil scare chords over the shot of the book that he can’t read, and there’s a very quiet droning in the background of the Allison nightmare sequence that slowly grows into some classic horror soundtrack music.

Okay. So far that tracks with the narrative thesis.

Now let’s take look at the Scott and Isaac scene.

We start out with some of those lingering shots I was talking about, as Scott is halted in his tracks when he notices the shadow of the clawed hand. We see his own hand is human and unshifted. There’s quiet, percussion heavy music over this portion of the scene that increases in tension at this point. Shaken, Scott closes his hand into a fist, and when he opens it, both the shadow and his own hand are smooth and human. The tense music fades out to silence, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

Scott opens the door to reveal Isaac, which startles him. There’s a short musical sting to underline this moment, and then the background music cuts out completely, leaving us (and them) in the awkwardness of this moment. 

And OH BOY. IS IT AWKWARD. 😬

You can kinda see the Awkwardness Inherent in the System in the dialogue that I pasted up at the top—it’s a lot of back-and-forth, short statements, trailing off... And both Posey and Sharman are playing up the awkwardness as well. Neither boy looks like they really want to be there, and that includes Isaac, who initiated this entire conversation.

But here’s the thing.

The thing that really frustrates me about this scene.

It’s not the sort of awkwardness that exists to increase the tension. The sort that builds and builds until it reaches a fever pitch and you know something just has to give. You know, the sort of tension that you would want to build if you were showing how the protagonist of your show is no longer fully in control, and is on a knife’s edge of lashing out at his friend and beta.

Instead, it’s played for comedy.

And once again, a lot of this is down to the music.

Before the dialogue that I quoted at the top even begins, the music starts back up, and this time the tense percussion has been replaced by light, pizzicato strings. (That may not be the exact right term, fyi, I only really know enough about music theory to be dangerous.) But you know, the playful, plucked strings that often accompanies comedic or otherwise not-serious scenes.

Background music tells the viewer how they’re supposed to feel about the events in a particular scene, and the music here is saying that we’re not supposed to find this whole confrontation that dramatic. In fact, we’re supposed to find it funny.

But it’s not just the music that that frames this scene as comedic. It’s also the fact that we don’t actually see Scott shoving Isaac. Instead, the scene cuts to the hallway, and all we see is Isaac flying through the doorway.

Now, obviously I don’t have a direct line to the director and editors’ minds here. But I would bet money that those particular shots were chosen 1). because it’s so much easier to do a wire pull stunt when you don’t have to show what it’s in reaction to, and 2). because it’s kinda difficult to show your main character directly doing a violence and make it funny.

But show someone yeeted into frame, and that’s funny. Right?

(Spoiler alert: not in this context, it isn’t)

Now, I know I’ve been focusing on the first scene a lot—partially because it’s longer and partially because it’s really the only reason that the second scene exists—but I do want to take a look at the second scene really quickly as well. It’s much shorter and generally adopts a more serious tone than the first one, mostly due to fact that we’re smack dab in the middle of the action at this point. The weird visions that the sacrificees have been having all episode have started endangering lives, and they can’t just wait for it to resolve on its own.

But then the focused, intent exposition is broken by Scott’s question of “why were you there.” Then smash cut to a near identical shot of the hallway,and Isaac yeeting into frame.

The thing is, this scene is entirely dependent on the previous one. It only “works”—and I use this term loosely—as a call back to the scene at the beginning of the ep. Heck, both even have the stinger of a frustrated Melissa at the end of both scenes, frustrated at all the boys-will-be-boys roughhousing going on in her house.

Much like the first scene, this one is also set up and framed for Comedy.

Which is um. A Choice. 

But What Does It All Mean

What frustrates me about these scenes, at the end of the day, is that the narrative intention and the directing/editing seem to be fundamentally at odds.

On the one hand, it makes narrative sense to say that the purpose of the scenes is to show that Scott is losing control. That he’s being affected by bardo and the open door in his mind, and it’s putting the people close to him in danger. But then on the other, the way the scenes are actually used are as comic relief. As a way to release tension between very tense, dramatic scenes. 

I don’t think it works, as I don’t personally find it funny at all. But that really does seem to be the intention.

Once again, absolutely wILD choices were made on the part of tptb, and I really wish anyone had thought for two seconds about the implications of all of this, but nO

Ahem.

So now (literally 2K words later I’m so sorry 😅) what does this tell us about the characters? Certainly no one here is arguing that shoving someone is a good or defensible choice, whether it’s due to forces outside the character’s control or not. But even taking the influence of bardo in mind, is it even in character for Scott in the first place?

Because canon can also be written inconsistently/out of character, especially when we’re talking about a long-running show like tw.

One’s an Incident, Two is Coincidence...

Well, we all know the end of that saying.

So let’s end by looking at a few patterns.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this, once again, eXCEEDINGLY long post, this is reference to a post I made about scallison. I said the following in that post:

And I also really like that they [Scott and Allison] didn’t get back together. That they were allowed to be friends. That even though sometimes it hurt to watch someone you love loved love become romantically close to another person, decisions were respected, and no friendships were broken over it.

The first pattern we need to look at, then, is this:

What’s Scott’s pattern of behavior toward Allison and Isaac’s relationship?

And does Scott’s behavior toward Isaac in these two scenes match the pattern, or is it an outlier?

3x11 Alpha Pact: Sacrifice Prep The revelation that Allison and Isaac have grown close enough for him to act as emotional tether for her is very visibly a blow to Scott. He looks like the rug has been pulled out from under him, but he doesn’t look angry or upset, just.... sad. In fact, it looks like he’s swallowing back tears. But he nods towards the two of them and just says, “It’s okay.”

3x12 Lunar Ellipse: “I look for my friends” This is the epilogue of the season. Scott walks into the hallway at all of his friends in turn. Satisfied. Happy. First at Lydia and Aiden, then at Danny and Ethan. Then he turns and watches as Isaac and Allison walk down the stairs, and they’re laughing, and so obviously happy, and Scott’s small smile grows. He isn’t jealous here—he’s happy for them. 

3x14 Illuminated: Mutual Recognition Scott and Allison are both at Danny’s halloween party, but they’re not here together. He sees her from across a crowded room, just like he did at the winter formal, so many months ago. But so much has happened, and they’re different people now. Allison’s with Isaac, and he’s starting to having feelings for Kira, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, and that he doesn’t miss the relationship he and Allison had. For a moment, his fingers slip away from Kira’s, and he and Allison share a sad smile. 

Believe it or not, these are actually the only other examples I could find of Scott reacting to Isaac and Allison’s relationship. And uniformly across them, he’s sad, yes—after all, he loved her, and that relationship is very definitively over now. But he never seems jealous, and he isn’t angry.

So, if the Scott and Isaac scenes in Anchors don’t fit the pattern of Scott’s behavior towards the new couple, what pattern do they fit?

“Hit me.”

The teen wolf writers have a... really upsetting habit, honestly, of “resolving” interpersonal conflict between two characters by having the “wronged” party hit the other. Afterwards, the tension is almost completely broken between them, as if letting the person act aggressively in a way consensual to both parties has somehow solved the problem.

2x11 Battlefield: Derek and Peter After Peter comes back from the dead, he confronts the now pack-less Derek and offers to help him. Derek, likely remembering that Peter killed Laura and was responsible for most of the events of S1, attacks him instead. After taking a beating, Peter says the following:

PETER: Okay, go ahead! Come on, do it! Hit me. Hit me. I can see that it's cathartic for you! You're letting go of all the anger, self-loathing, and hatred that comes with total and complete failure. I may be the one taking the beating, Derek, but you've already been beaten. So, go ahead. Hit me if that will make you feel better. After all, I did say that I wanted to help.

3x13 Anchors: Scott and Isaac We’ve already discussed this scene in uh. Detail. So I don’t think we need to go into the specifics again. But just a reminder that this dialogue exists:

ISAAC: Do you want to hit me? SCOTT: No. ISAAC: I think you should hit me.

5x15 Amplification: Scott and Liam During the previous supermoon, Liam—swayed by grief, the full moon, and Theo’s manipulations—tried to kill Scott and take his power. They’ve since rediscovered an equilibrium in their relationship, and Liam’s back in Scott’s pack, but they’re both still dealing with the implications of that event. In this episode, they’re attempting to break Lydia out of Eichen, but they’re not as strong as they should be, due to the mountain ash laced through the building, and are having difficulty breaking down a door. Then, the following exchange occurs:

LIAM: Hit me. SCOTT: What? LIAM: Hit me! I'll get angry, then I'll get stronger. STILES: Hit him. Hit him! LIAM: I tried to take your powers. I tried to kill you. Hit me! STILES: He also left you for dead. LIAM: I wanted you dead!

6x16 Triggers: Liam and Theo No one actually directly says “hit me” in  this one, due to the circumstances, but the sentiment’s there. In this sequence, Liam and Theo are trying to convince Gerard and the hunters that the whole pack is hiding out in the zoo, so Theo goads Liam into hitting him, in order to stage a very audible fight.

THEO: Okay... Then they have to believe us.[shouts] Isn't that right? LIAM: [whispers] Why are you yelling? THEO: [shouts] You got a problem? Oh, that's right, you always have a problem! LIAM: [whispers] What the hell are you doing? THEO: [shouts] Shut up! [punches Liam] Yeah, you see that, Scott? Your little Beta can't even take a punch. And what do you think, Malia?

While there’s a variety of primary textual reasons here, all of them deal with personal issues between the pair, and all of them involve some level of catharsis for the person doing the punching. Taken all together, it’s honestly a pretty troubling pattern, especially given the inclusion of an actual canonical abuse victim initiating and receiving the violence.

TL;DR

This is a writer issue, not a character issue. The serious narrative context conflicts with the comedic framing in a way that is honestly baffling to me, and it doesn’t fit the established pattern of Scott’s character and actions. Moreover, it’s an example of the writers’ apparent belief that interpersonal conflict can and should be solved through consensual violence.

The pattern we do see, is that the Scott is saddened by the knowledge that Allison has moved on, but he’s glad that she and Isaac are happy. Similarly, Allison is saddened that Scott is moving on as well, because she does still care for him deeply. Despite their conflicted feelings, neither tries to disrupt the other’s new relationship.

On other shows, that would be a season-long, drama-filled plotline. Here, nothing.

And I legitimately love that so much.

[idreamtofthereaper]

Na Jaemin as your Ex (Clarity Oneshot)

NCT 127 // NCT DREAM // WAYV // Clarity Main Masterlist

A series of oneshots for different groups, for each member, wherein instead of them being your boyfriend, how they will be as your ex.

Nana

if you knew how his nickname would stuck him

and even become a meme

you would’ve put a copyright claim

get rich

and start your own company 

it all started out when you didn’t know that you were a lightweight

and a specific na jaemin

decided to take you out for some drinks when you finally went legal

the same day he did

because nothing shouts more ‘soulmates’ 

than having the same birthday

“To us finally being 20″

“To the both of you hopefully not being arrested, happy birthday you Two.” You, Jaemin, Johnny and Jaehyun cheered from Mark’s little toast. The bottles clicking at the center of the table followed by a sip.

2 bottles later, you could barely understand what you’re saying. 

The only reason you could even recall what happened is because Johnny filmed everything. Because, what else would you do if your friend is the most drunk you have seen in their life? Film them for future use.

The day after, which was already 1pm, you woke up beside Jaemin. You were hugging him as if he was that bear he won for you at the fair. Arms draped over his chest as you snuggled close to him.

Jaemin’s arm was served to be your pillow, the other one being stretched out while his legs were on top of yours while the other on top of the pillow as if he was stretched over the bed.

Or so you thought.

“Look, if you guys still won’t wake up I’ll start pouring the vase water over you.” Jaehyun’s voice said, your eyes fluttering open to see him crouching down to both of you. 

You groaned as you stirred, realizing you were hugging Jaemin, which in instinct you slapped his chest hard enough to get a reaction from him. This was nothing new, you may lose to Jaemin when it comes to his words, but you were definitely neck to neck when skinship is the competition.

Jaemin stirred as your hand connected to his chest, mumbling incoherent words that both of you doesn’t really cares what it meant. You were already sitting up and rubbing your eyes when Jaehyun stood back up. “I would let you guys sleep but you are occupying the space.” 

“What?” You asked groggily, not really catching his words and understanding him at the same time. Jaehyun handed you a glass of water and some medicine, and a few moments later, everything starts clearing up and you found out what he meant- you and Jaemin were at the living room.

Jaemin managed to sit up himself and you give him the pill and water, which he downed slowly. Jaehyun taking the glass back and disappearing from the kitchen. 

The both of you managed to make your way to the couch, fondling with your phone while your head rested on Jaemin and in there, you saw the groupchat exploded of videos of you. 

There were others but it was mostly you.

In it, you saw yourself doing the karaoke with Johnny, challenging Mark to a dance off, playing a game of ketchup with Haechan and everytime he would slap your hand (which wasn’t even that hard and would often miss as he was also drunk) you would let out an angry sound and slap his face, which was also not doing much as you missed.

You then stumbled on the video of you back at the karaoke, a mic on your head as you pointed at Jaemin, who was now knocked out sleeping on the table. 

“TO MY BIRTHDAY BABE, THIS SONG IS FOR YOU!” You then proceeded to sing the Batman theme song, replacing the ‘Batman’ to Jaemin. Shouting the words “Nanananananananana, Jaemin!” Making it sound like the Perry Platypus theme song instead.

Since then, everyone around you started calling him Nana

You thought Jaemin would be bothered by it

but instead, he find it really cute and endearing

if anything, he was bothered how other people would call him that because originally

he wanted that nickname to be just for you

but then he realized how, he would always have a piece of you in that way

oh how things have changed

The Realization

“You should rest up, it’s getting late.” You said through the phone as you yourself made your way to your bed with your eyes already half closed. 

“I couldn’t sleep without you.” You just groaned at Jaemin’s cheeky response, already pulling the blankets over you as you snuggled yourself with it. “It won’t take long, maybe just 30 minutes and I’m home.”

“Stay in the dorms, get some rest already.” You mumbled, the phone on the verge of falling from your grasp. “I’ll visit tomorrow- or later, it’s 1 am.”

“I’m on my way there. I love you!” He said enthusiastically, followed by a bunch of kissing noises, only making you hum in response. Muttering an ‘I love you’ back before turning the phone off and falling fast asleep.

When you woke up in the morning, you felt Jaemin’s arms wrapped around you. Causing a smile on your face, rubbing his hands rested on yours stomach before lifting it up to place a kiss on it.

He stirred a little at your actions, before pulling you closer to him and burying his face on your neck. “Keep sleeping, it’s still night. The moon is fooling you.” You chuckled at him, caressing his hair as you decided to stay in bed for a little while. 

“Okay you could stay here, let me make breakfast. I’ve been wanting to eat some pancakes.” Getting out of the bed was a struggle, but with Jaemin it was a nearly impossible task.

When you finally stood up, you head to the kitchen and on the counter, was Jaemin’s keys, phone and wallet and on the chair was his bag. You didn’t mind it, walking deeper to the kitchen to make breakfast.

And as you were mixing the ingredients, Jaemin’s phone continuously pinged. And again, you didn’t mind it. It was normal for Jaemin to not mute the groupchats he was on, which really gets irritating when it’s night and you’re sleeping- or trying to at least.

But then, the phone started to ring. After pouring the mixture into the pan, you decided to pick it up after seeing it was Jaemin’s manager. Wiping the hands on your apron, you slid the answer button. “Hello oppa, Jaemin is still sleeping. Maybe I could leave a message for him? Or just tell him to call you back?”

“Ah yn-ssi, yes, just tell Jaemin to call me back when he’s awake. Isn’t it a little bit too late for him to still be asleep?”

“It’s okay, oppa. He got home late anyways.”

“Oh yeah I forgot about that. Well, tell him to just call me back.” After agreeing and exchanging another pleasantry, you remove the phone away from your ear and without even noticing it, accidentally read the messages his manager sent.

“Yah Jaemin, the company really doesn’t like that you’re not listening to them, especially when it comes to yn.”

“I told them that there’s nothing wrong with it but they wouldn’t listen.”

“I told you don’t be too occupied around your phone, the dance instructor feels very disrespected and reported you.”

“Jaemin-ah, you have to reply.” 

“Jaemin your relationship with yn isn’t really much of a problem only if you remember you’re an idol and at the moment, your career is your priority. If you continue messing up the company will cut you.”

“Answer me please.”

When Jaemin woke up, the pancakes were burnt.

The Breakup

“Jeno, is Jaemin around?” You greeted Jeno, giving him a hug as you saw him about to exit the dorms in his biking gear. 

“He’s in his room I think, no one is around too.” Jeno gave you a knowing smirk, you replying with an eye roll. “I’m kidding, I’m going to head out. I think I’ll be back in 3 hours or something, are you going to stay for dinner?”

“I don’t think so.”

--

The smell of Jaemin’s shampoo welcomed you in his room. On the bed, sat Jaemin along with the stuffed dinosaur you gave him for his 16th birthday in his arm while he was fiddling with his phone.

Upon seeing the smiling pink and green creature, the idea of breaking up with Jaemin became harder than it already is. You remembered how long you and him have been together, how even before he auditioned you were already there for him. 

After reading those texts, you remembered your promise to him- how you would do anything to make sure he would have a great future. The entire week, you acted cold and distant so he would get used to you being not there around him, but in all honesty the person you were preparing the most was you.

Jaemin for an entire week was confused, not knowing what put you in a grumpy mood. That was the first week he didn’t slept beside you, but always made sure to write you paragraphs of how his day went before he could sleep.

Jaemin doesn’t deserve to have you. 

“Hey, I missed you.” Jaemin said, in a normal voice and not in his usual baby-ish voice. 

He immediately stood up and after pulling you in for a hug just did you snap out of your thoughts. Wanting to push him back but not having the powers to do so and instead, you pulled him closer to you.

With his arms wrapping tighter around you, his head resting on yours as his thumb rubbed your back comfortably, you started to sob. This was the last time he will hold you like this, this is the last time you will be held like this.

You didn’t even know that you were already sobbing, Jaemin taking this as another difficult day in the office and was just mere frustration or even pent up anger. 

You finally managed to pull away from him and before Jaemin could even say anything, you held his face on your hands and pull him in for a kiss. One he returned with so much love and care you could taste it.

You broke the kiss, wiping the tears away from your eyes and after breathing deep- “Let’s break up, I’m moving. My family is moving to another country, I’m sorry.” You really were.

“What? I don’t understand, yn don’t joke like this.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m always going to be your number fan. I love you, nana. Please take care of yourself.” You turn around and left in a haste, Jaemin chasing you out but gave up as you held a cab.

You just lost the love of your life.

The Aftermath

brushing off jaemin was hard

but after 2 months, he sent a final message to you

“Yn, I really don’t know what happened. I don’t know if it’s because of something I did or me itself. Still, I want to apologize. I don’t know how many times I need to say it for you to take me back but I’m really really really sorry for everything I ever did. But like you said, I need to take care of myself too. I can’t always be crying and thinking of you when you don’t even know me anymore. I just want you to know that despite everything, I still love you and I always do. Nothing will change that. I love you more than I could ever express, but I have to love me too knowing you’re not there to do that anymore. I love you, yn. Be happy, thank you for everything.”

you were itching to reply and say nothing was his fault

and to say how much you love him too

but you couldn’t

not when he finally could move on from you

the message didn’t do much but hurt you more

jaemin doesn’t have any bone in his body to hate anyone

especially you

and like you said to him

you are his biggest fan

you still watched their lives, interviews- everything

8 months has then passed after the breakup

and now, you gradually see the glow back to him

he was happy again

your nana was back

only, not for you

We Boom 

“Did you guys sent this?” Renjun asked, examining the bouquet of flowers he picked up that was waiting outside their dorm.

All of the boys shrugged, Renjun opening the door to their dorms and once inside, examined the card attached to the side. Reading it out loud for everyone “Hi dreamy babies, congratulations at the success of your new album. Please take every time you could get to rest and eat, treat yourself some ice cream~” 

All of the boys inside smiled to themselves, the short message causing everyone to grow more curious as to who sent the flowers. Renjun then handed the flowers to Chenle, who passed it to every member who wanted to examine it themselves which then landed to Jaemin. “You guys don’t mind if I keep this in my room right?” Everyone agreed, Jaemin happy as another touch of color was added to his and jeno’s room- placing the flower on jeno’s side of the room.

After taking a shower, he went to his bed and as he was fixing the flowers on the nightstand, the letter fell from the wrapper. He was about to put it back when he caught a glimpse of the content.

He couldn’t mistake it, it was yours. 

2 Weeks Later

After your breakup

and how sudden it was

dreamies didn’t really contacted you

you weren’t on their good graces anymore

which is why jaemin didn’t said anything upon seeing your handwriting

it’s just a flower, it’s nothing

but it was definitely not nothing when the smell resembles the one in your room

and as the flower started to wilt, he thought

fuck it

but not that hard because nana could never

“The flower you gave me, where did they came from?” Before Jaemin could even think further, the message was already sent to you.

Yn wouldn’t respond-

“Why?” 

Ever since the breakup, this is the first time you replied. And it was fast too.

In an instant, Jaemin sent a reply. “They’re dead, I like them.” Again, his phone was on his hands, thinking if your reply was something he imagines but after another reply of yours, he was sure he wasn’t.

“I’ll just buy you a new one.”

“How are you?” 

--

You contemplated if you should reply, you shouldn’t have replied in the first place. But it was as if your fingers were moving on its own as it typed a reply and sent it.

“I’m okay, congratulations on your new album.”

“Thank you. So about the flowers, where did you get them?”

“My grandmother grew them, she said you looked really good and wanted me to give them to you and the others.” 

--

Jaemin chuckled at this reply, remembering how your grandmother seemingly loved him more than you.

Jaemin wanted to ask if your grandmother knew, but opted out of it as this is the first time he talked to you in a while and don’t want to ruin anything. 

While typing a reply, a new message appeared. “I’m sorry for everything, for causing you so much pain. But seeing you now and how good you’re doing, I’m also so so sorry for saying I don’t regret anything. If I knew in the past breaking up with you would get you to where you are now, I would do it again.” 

Reading your reply tore him, though still confused him. “Is that why you broke up with me? Because I still don’t get anything.”

“Maybe we should talk this out? I think it would be better. There’s this cafe 2 blocks away from your dorms called Clarity Coffee, my treat.”

Jaemin thought about it hard. He remembered how much pain you caused him and how the breakup negatively affected him, and now that he was finally back on track he couldn’t imagine going back down there.

But it was you, and he could never say no to you.

After typing an agreement followed by the time, Jaemin only had one thing in mind.

He won’t come back all sad and broken like before, because you’re back, and that’s what matters.

[piratewithvigor]

a couple of the questions in the ask meme you reblogged really resonated with me, would you do 23, 24, 45?

Took me a bit to find the right list and I'm just guessing, but I hope this is the right one. I ended up answering these for two hours, so sorry about the novel

23. Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Four months ago was March 13, by my calculations. And it's a really tough one to answer. A lot of dirty laundry happened that week, and I'm not sure just how much I want to share. What I do know is that one week before March 13, I was having a really great night. Went out on a mini road trip with a group of friends. We were gonna go have dinner in this little restaurant/convenience store in the middle of nowhere, but we only arrived 10 minutes after they'd closed down the kitchen. We bought snacks and this big tub of peanut butter ice cream. Drove around and ended up getting some KFC, then eating the ice cream in the high school parking lot before burying it in the snow to try and hide it until Monday. We sang Sk8tr Boy until we were hoarse. That kind of jubilant joy is gonna be hard to recreate.

A few days after that was my birthday. I've never really made a fuss about my birthday and it isn't super important to me, so acknowledgement from the people closest to me is pretty much all I look forward to. Making memories of some kind.

I had a boyfriend at the time I really loved. He'd gone on the mini road trip a few days before (also being a part of that friend group) and had mentioned offhand when my birthday was, so I knew he knew. We were never really chatty over text because he's much more vocal, but we always made it a point to wish each other good morning as soon as possible after we woke up. I already knew something was off when he took until 9 or so to wish me good morning (he had classes that started at 8, so I knew he wasn't sleeping in). It was the beginning of a day that was likely one of the worst birthdays I've had. After spending the day listening to those who did remember tell me to leave him, that this was unacceptable, I requested a call with him around 8pm. We hardly ever called, so I think he knew something was up. I told him he'd forgotten my birthday (and called him a dumbass in my rage, which wasn't called for)

I said a lot of things that night to people in my anger. I wish I could take a lot of it back, or explain what I had meant at the time, but none of it can be taken back and I accept that. We didn't break up that night.

The next few weeks were a little uneasy. He was jumpy and had gone into an anxiety/depression spiral over the fear of getting dumped (no matter how often I assured him that I loved him and had no intention of doing so), but as a result, we weren't leaning on each other with the right balance anymore.

A few days before Easter, I had an emotional breakdown that lasted several hours. He wasn't returning my messages and later said he was with two of our mutual friends at a beach about an hour away. I wasn't angry at him, but really disappointed. A lot of my turmoil had come from the solitude of being the only university student in a gang of high schoolers, so there were days I'd see them all having fun together without me, and I snapped a little.

The next day, one of those friends requested an evening hangout and I was obviously elated. I spent the day waiting and passing the time as quickly as possible. When she pulled up to my house at exactly the minute she said she got off work, I was a little suspicious, but suspected I had misread the message. The car was fully parked (also weird), my boyfriend was sitting shotgun (I didn't know he was coming) and the other friend was sitting in the backseat (I didn't know she was coming either). The vibe was all off and my boyfriend turned around in his seat and said that we needed to break up. He explained our relationship was taking a toll on his mental health.

In front of two other people, I didn't have the chance to get my emotions out properly. Nor did I have the chance to really talk things over with him. I learned later that this was because he wanted backup in case I got violent (one of the misunderstandings from the evening of my birthday).

I haven't seen him since then. I've only heard his voice twice during calls with other mutual friends who've remained neutral in the breakup. Overnight, my friend group went from a healthy regular 6 that could be expanded to 10 to only 2 who talk to me (in person friends, I should specify).

In the weeks since, I haven't left the property beyond picking up the mail or my brother from school. I've gotten a new interest that I adore (but my family hates). I've had days that feel magical and days where I feel like I'd be better off dead if I could give my all in a relationship and still be disrespected like that.

I don't know if I'm happier than I was 4 months ago. I have up days and down days just as frequently. They're just about different things. But maybe I am happier; some days, I notice my 'ups' are higher than they used to be.

24. Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

Yes. In the aforementioned friend group, there were 6 of us who were the core: myself, my boyfriend, two other girls his age, one guy and one girl 4 years younger than me. I was never particularly close with the guy, but I always liked hanging out with him. The two other girls were the most regular hangouts because they were in town a lot, so if they went to hang out with my boyfriend, I was generally there too. They were the two in the car the night of the breakup.

The younger girl, I was probably the closest with. There would be evenings when she wanted help with homework or just someone to talk about nonsense while she listens. There were a good number of occasions where she would want to do homework late into the night and I'd lie in bed and tell her about movies I've watched recently. I considered her a really good friend, but because of our age difference, her parents were a little wary of her hanging out with the group outside of school (completely understandably so. I think the only reason she got to hang out with me was because her mom had been basically the youth pastor at our church since I was 8).

She took my boyfriend's side in the breakup. I know they were significantly closer than she was with me, but I just wish I didn't have to lose that friendship too. I sent her word through her brother to let her know I have no beef with her at all, but I don't think it did any good. It's very likely I won't be able to talk with her anymore, and I've mostly made my peace with it, but the lack of closure I got there is probably gonna mess with me for a while.

45. Do you believe exes can be friends?

I do. I have proof, but I don't know just how allowable it would be in this case. I consider myself to have had 6 relationships. They ranged from 1 month to 2 1/2 years.

My first one was third grade. The entire year, and about as PG as two 8-year-olds get. We broke up when fourth grade started, but were still pretty close friends. We got back together for a few months in seventh grade, but it wasn't working, so we went back to friends. He's now one of the only people I know in person who still talks to me. Definitely still a friend.

My second was 8th grade. A little bit toxic and we were probably better off ending when we did, but he gave me a lot of experience that I banked on for years. Have not spoken to him in close to 4 years.

My third was 9th grade. Definitely toxic. We don't talk about it. Stayed in contact and even friendly for about 2 1/2 years afterwards until I cut him off. It was really for the best in the end.

My fourth was later in 9th grade. My longest. Long-distance and one of my healthier ones. He left me after 2 1/2 years and gave me a whole lotta issues as a result. Our contact wavers on occasion, but we've never gone more than a month without talking.

My fifth was probably a week after my fourth. He was inheriting a basket case of a bitch. Also long distance and have not spoken since the breakup.

My sixth was the one who's breakup you read about above. We were together for almost exactly 18 months. My second-healthiest relationship after my first. He said we could still be friends, but the more time that passes, the less I believe it's a possibility.

[crazycrackersworld]

Now on to the subject of her. I'm not going to say that this will be the last time that I ever speak of her or post about her, because I can't guarantee that that would be the case. There are going to be times where I have a memory or a feeling and I might want to express it so not going to say that I'm never going to talk to her again.

What I will say is that about 2 weeks ago when I posted the picture of Charlie Brown and I said that that was the day I said goodbye to the Cute Little Red Head Girl... I really did mean it at the time I was in fact saying goodbye I honestly did not think I would ever hear from her again and I was prepared to never talk to her again.

Then last Friday my aunt passed and on Saturday she reached out with condolences and we've talked a little bit here and there. It's been whispered to the internet again by that toxic psycho that for some reason needs to pay attention to my life cuz I guess hers is not exciting enough but it has been said that she only contacts me when things are going bad with her man, and that soon she'll be back at the retreat and he'll be cooking for her. Which is probably exactly what's happening today and tonight, since she just sent me one message this morning that was 10 seconds long and I haven't heard from her since. So I guess it's the retreat and her man cooking for her or some such shit.

Again this was said by a complete absolute toxic psycho, but is it true? I don't know it might be. But I really don't care if it is true or not. I don't want her out of my life forever I do miss my friend, I mean I miss the girlfriend and I miss the fiance don't get me wrong, but if I can't get those back I do want to make sure I keep the friend. And you know when you're having a problem with your significant other you talk to a friend so if the only time she ever contacts me is when she's as this psychopath says..."having trouble with her man"... Then I guess when she contacts me I'll still talk to her.

I don't understand why when offering condolences for my aunt she had to share something that she posted and tell me that she's been thinking something or another about her relationship. I don't know why she tells me these things she knows how I feel about her she knows nothing's really changed despite how hard I've tried to make it change. I don't know why she sends me a picture that says "this is what tired looks like", but in the picture she doesn't look tired she actually looks good enough to be on the cover of a magazine (and I'm sure she'll argue the point, but it's true she could have been on the cover of a magazine). She sends it full well knowing that I'm still incredibly attracted to her and I don't understand I don't know if she thinks about this before she does it or if it's spur of the moment I'm sure at some point she'll say she's sorry, but you know that doesn't take the picture of the beautiful woman off my phone. I don't know why she tells me that she cut her own hair and she's upset about it but she did it the week of his birthday party, and that I know why she did it, why does she tell me this when I know the last time she cut her own hair and hated it was back when she had a full mental breakdown some years ago. I mean why would she want me to know that she had some sort of a mental break when she knows how I feel.

But then again I also do not understand how she can have so many doubts and so many questions about this person that she just a couple weeks ago told me she loved and made her happy, and it to me it doesn't seem like he makes her happy it really doesn't I mean I'm not saying he's horrible but I don't think he legitimately makes her happy. And she has had questions and concerns and doubts about this person since before they were actually together and they've continued but for some reason she just keeps giving this person a chance after chance after chance and I don't know why.

She shared a meme with me about something about a girl finding out that her ex-boyfriend was protecting her behind her back and when I asked why she sent it to me she said it's because she feels that you know I still protect her. And I guess that's true I do I try to protect her I try to protect her from herself I try to protect her from bad decisions and yeah I try to protect her from him cuz I think in the long run he will hurt her. I don't think he's going to change I don't think he cares as much about her as she would like him to I don't think he's a very good person I'm not saying he's a bad person I just don't think he's a good person.

But you know if giving him chances and overlooking things that one day bother her and the next day she says don't you know if that's what she wants out of life right now or next week or for the rest of her life, there's nothing I can do about that. This is her choice I can express concerns but I can't make decisions for her.

I mean I don't think about her first thing in the morning everyday anymore not saying there aren't days that I don't but it's not everyday anymore. And she is not always the last thing that I think of before I fall asleep, again I'm not saying that never happens I'm just saying it doesn't happen every night. But I do still care about her a lot. I still regret that night even though I cannot remember anything that happened, I regret it I wish I could make it go away I wish I could make the pain go away I wish I could make her forget it I just I just wish I could fix it, but I can't. It will haunt me for the rest of my life because it most likely cost me...Her.

Early on in our relationship I had told her that no matter what happens that if she ever needed me I would be there I promised that. And I'm not somebody who likes to break promises and I'm not somebody who likes to break their word so it doesn't matter what has happened it doesn't matter how many times she's hurt me or none of that matters, if the day ever comes that she truly needs me for anything and she asks I'm going to be there because I am not going to break that promise.

I still think it's insanely crazy and stupid that two people who get along as well as we do and know each other as well as we do and can finish each other's sentences and a lot of times know what the other one is thinking and sometimes one knows when the other one is in pain and something bad happens or something good happens we are often times the first person the other one thinks of telling. And the fact that two people that share all of that are not together to me is just crazy and it's kind of a waste, but again there is nothing I can do about it.

I have done a lot of positive things my job is going well I've learned a lot I have licenses I've dropped weight I've gotten healthier physically and a little bit mentally and I'm really working on that part. And I'm going to continue to make positive changes in my life and have positive things happen in my life and I'm going to continue moving forward and it doesn't matter what happens between her and me I will continue on the path that I'm on cuz I think it's a path that's going to lead to some sort of success.

I do not have a crystal ball I do not know what will happen in the future but I do know that you can't save somebody from themselves you can't make choices for anybody and when you care about someone sometimes you just got to watch him when they're in pain and realize there's nothing you can do about it.

So like I said I'm not going to say I'm never going to talk about her again cuz a memory or something might pop up and I might feel like telling a story from time to time. I mean I have a lot of good memories and a lot of good stories that she is part of and I might want to share some of them.

When we are talking I never know when that's going to just suddenly stop for a few weeks or whatever I never know I could get an audio clip from her at 8:00 tonight and I won't hear from her for 2 weeks but I'll never block her on my phone when she texts or calls she will always get a reply and that's just because I don't know any other way to live my life.

So I'm going to keep moving forward I'm going to keep concentrating on me is there a part of me that does hope that eventually she'll see all these changes and all these things and I don't know want to give us another try want to be with a better version of me than she was in the first place? There's a part of me that wants to make her regret giving me up if that's not what she wants. Is juvenile and immature is that might be it's the truth.

Mostly I just really want her to be happy.

And I want to just continue to move forward and continue to have positive things happen to me and continue the momentum that I have building and try to make my life better one day at a time. So that's what I'm going to do. And honestly anything that were to ever happen between me and her and the future she would have to make the first move and I just don't see that happening.

So yep day by day minute by minute just going to keep moving forward and the words of the immortal Joe Dirt..."Life's a garden, dig it!" So onward and forward and here we go. And if I don't hear from her again, for a few days, or a few weeks, or ever again I'm really not going to be surprised.

(and if she reads this because she does follow me, I wonder if she'll actually read the whole thing, cuz it's pretty long, so I wonder)

[cloveroctobers]

HENRIK LILJENQUIST—

IG info/Bio: @/adventuresbyhenrik | 53.1k followers — “imma wild boi🌿🌏🧗 | happily taken👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

23 (24) years old

Parents are both Swedish and only speak Swedish, leaving henrik to also become fluent

His father Halvi is a pilot

His mother Lova is a race car driver

Siblings? Probably a brother, named Jahan & younger by two or three years + they get along quite well

Born & raised in Isle of Wight, England + loves it there & thinks it’s the best place for him to live, it’s his own private island in his mind plus he’s always finding something to do. He stays active

Climbing & wilderness survival instructor, he gets to talk as much as he wants while also teaching people AND all while being active! Sounds like the perfect job for him

Probably developed ADHD around his pre-teen age, leaving his parents to find him something he enjoys + can slow down and focus on

used to be on meds for it

Was well-known in high school, probably in the yearbook club since he was able to run around & get to know people but was kinda shit at knowing the functions of a camera

His selfie game has gotten a lot better now but he mostly posts anything but his face. You’ll see more of his face on his stories & location shots on his feed

Feels his hair is his best physical feature & his prized possession, would never THINK about cutting it. Even just a trim is a bit much for him

Always tries to be positive but at the same time can be condescending since he sometimes won’t pick his words wisely ex.) when he gave MC a backhanded “compliment” about makeup, being active, + wanting them to “think of others ” feelings — just because someone is opposite from you doesn’t mean you have to shit on the way they carry themselves...that’s my issue with him

maybe he’s a Taurus?

Loves fall & spring, more so fall since that’s when the weather feels nicest to him plus allergy season is a REAL bitch

The guy’s real Adventurous & always managing to find something to do. If you’re ever bored just hit him up, he has plenty of recommendations 

Family owns a cottage & he’s the one who goes out there more than his own family does! “You should just sell it to me at this point!” He tells his parents over dinner often & it is strongly considered

Has five birds & a husky, when he goes on road trips they’re always with him. Which can get a little hectic at times but they’re his family, he’s a, “birdog dad”

BLAKE secretly dislikes them all, feeling like they take up space sometimes (especially when she wants to cuddle) but she deals with it since she cares for the guy — yes, they’re still dating

She’s been convincing him to cut a few inches off of his hair which he took like a slap in the face, “that’s like me asking you to quit speaking up for humans!” “No, no it’s not.”

They’re polar opposites with flaws which causes disagreements between the two of them by putting each other in their places but they learn to compromise? (*insert eartha Kitt gif laughing here*] if they want this to work

His mother seems to be the only one who dislikes blake (she strongly feels he should have bought MC back home...that’s right she watched the show from time to time. Not always since she doesn’t care for reality tv but her friends encouraged her to watch bits and pieces) while his dad and brother approve

It is tense when Blake and his mom are in the same room which makes Henrik sad since he believes Blake deserves a chance. He took a chance on her and it seems to be going pretty well so why couldn’t his mother just be happy for him like the rest of the family is?

Henrik loves his low-maintenance girls who are open to trying new things with him, Blake is usually down most of the time but she likes her personal space too..which henrik struggles to understand

He wants her to live with him, he’s sure his parents will let him have the cottage if Blake decides to live with him but Blake loves her freedom in Kingston

It’s hidden but I feel like he might be one of those guys that feels like “a woman should follow a man” since that’s what his father installed into his boys— which failed because his wife isn’t just a housewife, she has goals and went after them

I feel like Blake turns to social media almost always to post about her feelings (I can’t remember what I picked the first time around as my occupation but as I’m currently playing I picked human rights campaigner so) but it’s mostly subtle shade & it always goes recognized by fans which brings drama between her, mc x Bobby

Henrik jumps in because what kind of guy would he be if he didn’t have his gf’s back? Doesn’t care for the drama but he & Bobby usually said slick shit to each other in the villa, it’s safe to say they’re not really friends but they’re not enemies either that’s mostly between their gf/wife

Henrik doesn’t care enough about Bobby to dislike him but he won’t put up with his shit any longer and what easier way to do that than online? He feels like they can settle this with a phone call but Blake & MC aren’t with the shits and don’t want their men speaking to each other

Henrik & Bobby eventually have a chat in secret anyways

Henrik warns Blake that this can effect her job status if she doesn’t calm down since she uses social media for her cause

She usually knows when to stop but can’t help it if it slips out sometimes

They talk it out and move on usually with whatever fun idea henrik may have

Owns a ford bronco from the 90’s that used to be his uncle’s who builds tree houses for a living and is still running, a jeep gladitor, or some sort of pickup truck

Knows how to make the best apricot jam

All about saving the bees

Loves animals, probably on his journey to veganism if he’s not already there

We all know this fucking guy likes eating M0sS

“Embarrassing fact” but uh big fan of twilight, feels like Seth Clearwater and him are meant to be best buds but he also stans the Volturi 😷

Him and Lucas of course remained the best of mates, since they live 2 hrs away from each other and are always busy living their lives they always have to plan out when they can hangout but that fails 60% of the time when henrik pops up at Lucas’ job or at his flat not giving him a choice but to hang out

They’re always vacationing together too? Sure Henrik is his own version of low-key while Lucas likes a bit of luxury...they still find a balance to just have a good time regardless if they live different lifestyles...they’re basically married

Always texting if they’re not hanging out, henrik with his memes that Lucas doesn’t understand & Lucas just checking in on henrik’s well being which leads the conversation to many topics

He’s actually cool with Gary now? They like/comment on each other’s posts & even text here and there

Even ran into Rocco once on a road trip, that was interesting but when life gives you lemons...we’ll just say that

Even him and Ibrahim share recommendations through text or DM’s which is nice! Henrik is always down for friends even tho they’re not like his personal friends (except for Lucas, he fits into his criteria)

Most of his work is physical and talking but he goes the extra mile by hiking every Sunday either with his friends, Blake, or family — he’s genuinely likes being one with nature

If he’s at the cottage, he’s always outside, chopping extra wood, making sure the yard looks like it belongs on a magazine, or takes the boat out on lake to nap since he doesn’t like to fish as much anymore

Currently trying to grow strawberries but some animal keeps eating them :/

Adores adventure time, the x-files, bobs burgers + animal planet, and travel channels—like he’s a real dad

If he could shower outside everyday, he would, it’s such a freeing experience to him

His outings consist of being in the woods 24/7 so in his mind when he brings Blake out there with him, it’s a version of a date, whenever they spend time together is a date to him, which she has to remind him that she wants to do something different like getting dressed up every now and then + go out to dinner which he HATES but he’ll do his best to please her, as long as the restaurant is more earthy than snobby he’s okay

100% would survive the apocalypse, he knows how to make due with what he’s got, he’s always been that way

Enjoys rom-com’s so he’ll laugh at how cringe they are but still enjoy it, indie films, ALITA was the best film of 2019 to him & currently his fav film is, “the call of the wild” with Harrison Ford

His favorite films ever are Indiana Jones, Lara Coft: Tomb raider, Terminator, and I am legend

Aliens ARE real, they’re out there and he’ll be part of the reason they’ve been exposed

I feel like he wanted to be an astronaut growing up but then realized he’d be a confined space for long periods of time and said cancel that shit lol + he isn’t the greatest at science. History? He did real well in that subject

I think he loves Lorde, listens to Bon Iver—especially on early morning commutes to work, Rex Orange County, Omar Apollo, Joji, the nbhd, the driver era, kid cudi...yktfv

Celeb crushes?/types: The main girls from Charlie’s angels 2019, Alexa PenaVega... “you know Carmen from spy kids?” Diana silvers, Dove Cameron, JAMIE CHUNG, & VANESSA HUDGENS

Anthem = Wallows, “OK”

[revasnaslan]

B E I Q W Y (let's get salty)

aretia i swear to fuck

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

well back in the voltron fandom there was zarkon/kolivan, which a friend of mine shipped the hell out of and i didn’t really get it at first............ and then i fell hard into the ship and it hit me like a goddamn freight train and suddenly it was in all my wips. i still don’t know what happened.

i don’t believe i have one of these for spop. i don’t really ship a lot in spop admittedly so that’s probably why.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

most of my contributions to the spop fandom has been stupid shitposts that come from discord dms... but that’s about it. oh and angst. i have a feeling i could become known for angst if i actually updated my fics in a timely fashion.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

i mean i don’t interact with many fandoms too deeply because i get annoyed so fucking easily by the most inane bullshit. i usually just hunker down with like two other people and call it good and reblog stuff from those people. and this isn’t a whole thing about how i think my interpretation of the text is the only right one blah blah blah, i just usually have such unpopular opinions on both the text and the characters that it’s better for everybody if i stay in my corner and pump out fanfic that i actually know i’m going to enjoy and mostly interact with people through asks and the occasional dm.

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

idk if i’d say abandoned tbh... i rarely totally abandon a fandom, i just move on to the one that’s holding my attention at the moment.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

reducing villains to abusive rapist exes with zero nuance l m a o can’t fucking stand it. especially because most of my favs get reduced to that in fanfic, like thanks fandom, i fucking hate it.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

there’s a couple?? 

i’ve never played final fantasy but @voxiferous loooooves final fantasy uh... fiiiifteen?? the one with that blonde boy she likes, i think he has a gun or some shit and he’s in love with a prince

i’ve only played like an hour into ocarina of time but @shadow-djinni loves zelda and i think because of them i’m a ganon stan without actually playing the games lmao

i’ve never seen good omens but i know a bunch of basic shit because you reblog so much of it aretia... i know there’s an angel and a demon and they’re in love?? also doomsday is coming?? something like that

Ask Meme

[toast-the-unknowing]

What are the #thots on CDTH?

This is begging for one of those “edgy/depressed/dumbass bitch/thot/bastard” memes, but sadly you sent it to someone with no patience for slapping together graphics, so you get a lot of words instead. Behind a cut, for length and SPOILERS.

I really enjoyed this book, my reactions to most of the additions to canon were positive, it felt a wide range of emotions while reading it and upon finishing I found that it had knocked me sort of off center in that way where I don’t want to write anything ever again, or read anything, or really do much but stare out of windows. I know that feeling will pass, but I’m soaking in it for now. I haven’t yet discerned if there are going to be any substantial changes to the ways that I write these characters, when I write these characters again.

I loved Ronan in this book, which was a relief. I had been a bit worried that Maggie intended for him to end up as Lonely God Ronan, isolated and just too damn special for the rest of humanity, but it now appears that is very much not the plan. It hurt watching him be trapped at the Barns, wanting something different from life and not knowing how to get it, and it was amazing to watch him forge a connection with someone new and find the capability that he has to help other people, instead of just kind of thinking of himself as the fuck-up.

Holy Shit I felt emotions about Matthew, that was unexpected and unprecedented. Fuck did that boy make me sad. I am greatly looking forward to seeing where his story goes, now that he actually has one. I want some quality Matthew & Jordan dream duo bonding time.

I want, just, quality Jordan content in general, I love Jordan, I need more of her, she was wonderful.

Hennessy leaves me cold, but I had a very similar reaction to Ronan until most of the way through The Dream Thieves, so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see what happens in the future.

HOLY SHIT I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT DECLAN.

It did crack me up that it literally took one page for the book to start talking shit about him, but I also found the whole “Declan is deliberately, crushingly boring” idea interesting. It surprised me but still makes sense in retrospect, which is the best kind of surprise. I hadn’t pictured him as the kind of guy who would go to work and let people snap at him and call him by the wrong name, but I think my understanding might have been a little closer to the version of Declan that still thought he could have Senator or Congressman in front of his name. I think Declan might be the character I most have to reconsider, but I’m happy with how he was portrayed here and I’m looking forward to doing that reconsideration, and to seeing what happens to him next in canon.

God but he just continues to be the hardest working brother, and he still fucks it up, but he doesn’t want to fuck up, but he just shouldn’t have to deal with all of this shit, and ow, ow, my heart.

I adored Declan/Jordan and every moment where she delights in surprising an honest reaction out of him. “I see the real you when no one else does” is EXACTLY my kind of ship.

I had really wanted this trilogy to force Ronan to reexamine his understanding of his father, but getting to see Declan do some actual work on processing his pain is fantastic too. I love all of the moments where he admits that he hates Niall. It fucked me up so bad, because it’s like he doesn’t want to be thinking or saying it but he just cannot keep it in. It’s like his emotional nightwash, but he doesn’t get to dream it away.

@comicsohwhyohwhy​ and I once discussed the problem of Ashley, and we JOKINGLY suggested that maybe the Ashley from TRB and the Ashley mentioned in TRK are two different Ashleys, that maybe Declan has just dated a string of women named Ashley, and then we had a good laugh about how absurd that would be, and I cannot fucking believe that that has turned out to be canon. I am oddly delighted with this development.

I am happy with the Adam content that we got and with the size of his role. I felt like the book did a good job of honoring his importance in Ronan’s life, letting him be present and matter and affect Ronan (and disagree with him in productive ways where they didn’t just argue and where he wasn’t just Declan 2.0), while still keeping him in a support role, since that was apparently the goal. I’m unclear on what kind of role he’s going to have going forward, but it looks like he’s being set up to have some kind of character arc, with the “Adam is lying to everyone who knows him” situation, so I really do want that to pay out and go somewhere, even if he does continue to be a supporting rather than featured character.

That whole Harvard situation breaks my heart: Adam’s friends think that his family is wonderful and that his boyfriend is a violent drunk. I can’t imagine any interactions around that that aren’t fucked up. Adam having to defend Ronan to his friends any time he comes up, but not being able to tell the truth, so he just sounds like he’s making empty excuses for someone that’s bad for him…which is something that he has in fact had to do, but not about Ronan, about the parents that all of his friends are “jealous” of him for having. Fuck. FUCK.

I loved every mention of Gansey and Blue. I can understand why Maggie doesn’t want to include them as characters, but that could have easily ended in a situation where they’re just…noticeably absent, and instead we got this, confirmation that they still talk to their friends and love them and are involved in their lives, plus we got A+ Gansey-texts-like-an-old-man content.

I enjoyed Farooq-Lane a lot just from a standpoint of being an ordinary normal person who gets put into a weird as shit situation and then…continues to be an ordinary normal person who has ordinary normal reactions to things. I find that kind of shit fascinating – it’s the kind of thing that makes for great comedy and improv, but it can also be very effective in drama, and we really got to see a wide range here.

What. the actual. fuck. is up with the New Fenian and Mor O Corra. Like I mean okay the Lynches have to live through all their parent trauma again, yeah I get that, okay Niall apparently made a dream double of an actual woman he’d slept with which like, wow I didn’t think Aurora could be retroactively creepier but damn if Niall didn’t find a way, blah blah I get all that. But like. What is – what is that relationship, exactly? Between them? Niall’s ex made a dream copy of him, too, but like…as a kid? Or one that doesn’t age? Has Mor O Corra out-creepered Niall Lynch? What the actual fuck is up with those two. I almost don’t want to know. I kind of love being this weirded out.

Bryde is really goddamn tiresome. I am expecting he’s going to turn out to be a villain and honestly that can’t happen fast enough for me. Although I  anticipate that we’ll see Ronan buying into his crap more before that happens, so, it looks like we get to look forward to a lot more overblown insufferable monologues about how “special” we are and how we’re better than those gross boring mundane people. Blah.

I’m kind of disappointed that this is apparently a series where the stakes are THE END OF THE WORLD and where the protagonists have to fight a SHADOWY INTERNATIONAL GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION that can send ARMIES of WELL-ARMED HIGHLY TRAINED OPERATIVES to HUNT DOWN THE PEOPLE WITH SUPERPOWERS – this is 90% of all fantasy stories, and it’s boring, and I’m tired of it. I like that the stakes in The Raven Cycle are small but still immensely meaningful. What happens in The Raven Cycle if the characters don’t succeed? Gansey dies. Ronan dies and Matthew falls asleep. Adam doesn’t go to college. Blue doesn’t get to travel the world. The world doesn’t explode, but we still care so so much about seeing them succeed, because we care so much about those characters living and getting to build the future they want. That’s a thousand times more interesting to me than “we have to…[dramatic music, put on sunglasses] SAVE THE WORLD.” Spare me.

I’m still going to read the other two, obviously, and I’m not even really mad about this, mostly just rolling my eyes. But I expect that Maggie is going to use this plot device I don’t care about to do things emotionally and character-wise that I do care about, and that’s the important part.

There is one actual thing that pisses me off with this book, that I actively hate and wish was not a part of canon, that I will probably just ignore and pretend isn’t canon, at least once I have wrapped my head around the fact that it even happened in the first place: why the fuck does Ronan go to confession.

I was willing to accept in The Raven Cycle that Maggie had no interest in doing anything with the fact that she had made the Catholic character and the gay character the same character, because Ronan is actively figuring himself out in the course of that series, because there’s so much else going on in his head and his life that I can buy that religion isn’t his top priority, because hey, I kind of liked that the series wasn’t one more Sad Story About A Sad Gay Who Is Sad Because Homophobia. I can accept a Ronan who goes to mass every week because that’s family time, because that’s tradition, because that’s what Lynches do.

But going to confession – with some degree of regularity! – is not going through the motions. When I was a Catholic school girl and an ALTAR SERVER who went to mass twice a week, confession was still a “maybe once during Lent, if we get around to it” kind of deal. What the hell does Ronan say in confession, exactly? He’s not confessing to the shit that he actually feels guilty about, playing god and creating life, because that’s a secret. He’s not confessing to the thing that he’s getting told every week is going to send him to hell. So what is he doing there?

This ceases to be “skipping past homophobia so we can just have a nice happy gay story for once (or at least a story that’s unhappy for other reasons)”. This is firmly into “deliberately and cruelly ignoring the real pain and suffering that the Catholic Church inflicts on oppressed people every single day” and I think it was a grave, grave misstep.

So my super general #thots: loved it, largely positive, some things I’m iffy on but excited to see where they go, a couple of plot elements/characters I don’t care for but can put up with for the sake of all of the good, one big negative that will probably feature only very very sparingly in canon.

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

so this might totally not work but how about a scenario where Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Akaashi and Oikawa (sorry if it's too many?) had like a bad breakup with their (now) ex and they're trying to get back with her or smth and they have this one friend supporting them in the make up but also comforting and trying to distract them and stuff?? and at some point they realize they're actually in love with their friend? Or maybe she actually goes to whoop their ex's ass when she's being particularly mean 😂

Hhhhhmmmm well I usually only allow 3 characters at a time, but I’ll make an exception for this one! Mostly because it has a degree of angst that I absolutely love! But please be sure to limit to 3 for scenarios! Thanks love for the request! - Admin Satori

Kuroo Tetsurou:

Your heart had started hurting at the beginning of this mess. Your love for Kuroo shriveling up and aching when he’d gone off and found himself a girlfriend. He seemed so happy, so content with life and excited for the future… you’d kept quiet… you’d kept quiet and settled for being his friend.

Because you’d rather be his friend than nothing at all. Confessing to him how you felt once he was happy with how things were going would only threaten your friendship…. And if you had to go on without him? You don’t know what you’d do. He was your sunshine.

Yet…. About a week ago… his warm smiles seemed to dim before altogether extinguishing before your eyes when he admitted his girlfriend had dumped him.

For someone else. One of his friends from college.

“Because I’ve got a really ugly laugh, she said it freaked her out.” He chuckled halfheartedly, shrugging easily before running his fingers through his hair - he was staring into the mirror in his bathroom. You had come over to hang out and have fun with your friend, take joy in his company… but this wasn’t a side of Kuroo you were used to.

“An ugly laugh? Not even!” You scoffed, “She’s insane. Let her go ruin her life.”

But he didn’t let up. He wanted her back. He changed everything about himself so she would want him back. He cut his hair - short. Cropped black hair. He pierced his ears because that’s what his friend had.

You couldn’t do anything but watch in horror as he transformed everything for her. He wore different clothes, too baggy and weird matchups. Hats and too big glasses… Were those prescription based? Had he really spent more money to get new frames for his glasses?

“Tetsu-“ But he wouldn’t hear it from you. Too in his own head trying to figure out ways to change himself.

“_______, which one is better?”

Resting your hands on his, you had him lower the clothing out of the way, “Tetsurou….. Let’s go out on the town today…” He rolled his eyes, about to bring up the clothes as a show of ‘duh that’s why I’m asking you what to wear’, but you held his hands down, “Don’t you have any normal people clothes?” You smiled, but the irate tick of his eyebrow had you internally shrinking away from him.

Had you said something wrong? Was this really that serious?

So you slowly pulled your hands away, down casting your gaze before stepping back, “Sorry.. You probably have plans with her today, huh? Uhm… I guess.. Just shoot me a text if you need anything, okay?”

He didn’t respond, and you took that as your cue to leave.

You didn’t see him for days after that. He was busy. Taking classes on how to mask his speech to make it sound like whatever language was his mother tongue. Going shopping on his own to pick out the most similar clothing he could to the guy his ex was dating. He even changed his laugh… You hadn’t heard his real laugh in about a month now…

If you were being honest with yourself, you’re heart would break knowing you couldn’t even recreate his laugh in your memories. All you could hear is his forced laugh… he wasn’t happy, and yet he didn’t even see it himself.

But you were there for him. Sending him messages here and there, encouraging him to find himself before trying to get her back, sending the funniest of memes you’d think he’d like.

But you were hurting. More now than ever before. Because the young man you loved, the one you could see yourself with for the rest of your life… was slipping away. Slowly being replaced by some kind of imitation human.

You’d had it though. You were tired of watching him water down his personality because she couldn’t understand. Because she was the problem. He was perfect the way he was. “Wow, you’re so much smarter than me, I’m blown away by your brilliance.” He’d stumble over his fast learned French, complimenting her in a language she didn’t even understand but that she found ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’.

Irritation in your veins, you simply turned to her, and her smug smile, and growled out, “You’re a fucking idiot.” You were so angry. So furious. Before she could jump at the opportunity to shut you down, you were right there with your fury, “What kind of airhead are you? You don’t even KNOW French and you’re forcing him to learn it? For what? A chance to be by your side? Do you know how many women would JUMP at the opportunity to have Tetsurou for who he is? Millions.”

She scoffed, “Oh yeah right. He was an absolute loser before I-“

“No! No he fucking wasn’t!” You completely lost tack of where you were, your anger getting the better of your words, of your thought process. “He was smart! He still IS smart! Way more ‘brilliant’ than you! He learned French… in 2 weeks! Just to impress you! He changed everything about himself for you! And you’re still seeing someone else? Why even drag him along if you’re not going to commit? Why make him change everything about himself, everything I loved, if you don’t even want him?”

A simple shrug. “It was funny.”

No care. No sympathy. She didn’t care. She didn’t love him. He was her toy and she was having fun.

You didn’t even notice when you raised your hand to hit her.

But another hand held you back. “How cute~! You were pining this whole time? Oh, if I had known that, I would have made him change much more…” Then she was walking away, tossing a “Come on, Tetsu~, we’ve got some shopping to do~.”

“Uh…. Go on ahead of me… I’ll catch up….”

You roughly pulled your arm from his hold, but soon found all the fight had been leaked out of you in that moment of fury. You were tired. Tired and hurt.

Kuroo didn’t leave to catch up, though. He stayed with you. Silent. Watching your emotions play out on your face before you gathered what was left of your strength to cover what you were feeling. Hurt. Lost. Loss. You wanted to lash out, get him away from you as quickly as possible just so you could have your alone time - time to grieve over the young man who would never want you.

“I can’t…. I can’t do this anymore, Tetsurou… I can’t… It’s not healthy for me to watch you lose yourself for someone like..” Your hand waved weakly in the direction his ex had walked off in, “I just.. I don’t have it in me anymore.” When had your eyes welled with tears? No matter because you could feel a few of them slip passed your control down your cheeks. “I can’t stand by anymore… I can’t fight her… I can’t…. Your heart isn’t mine to fight for anymore, and that much is so fucking obvious since you’re just going to go after her and-“

Lips against yours. Hands cupping your face. You felt your heart break just a bit inside your chest at the mere idea of this being a dream or a trick. But if this were a dream or trick… what was the harm in indulging in the feeling of warmth spreading throughout your body?

So you fell. You fell for him harder than you had in the very beginning. Your hands held his against your cheeks, feeling his thumbs rubbing away your runaway tears, “I’m not… I’m not going after her… I’m not going anywhere…” Was that a choir singing in your ears at the sound of his real voice? That didn’t help dry your tears, but it had your heart swelling in your chest.

Kuroo kissed you softly, tenderly, anxiety eating at his core for making you wait so long for his attention. But when you’d gotten angry at his ex… when you’d admitted to being emotionally worn out… He’d seen you. The real you. The you who had been by his side even in his stupid choices.

“Please….” You whispered, “Please stop changing yourself…” You pulled from his lips before moving your arms to wrap around him, pressing your face into his chest and letting out a quiet sob when he held you close to him, burying his face in the top of your head.

“My laugh isn’t too ugly for you?”

You scoffed around a sniffle, pinching his side, “Your laugh is my favorite laugh.”

Iwaizumi Hajime:

Why had you agreed to this? To get in better shape, sure… but to watch him kill himself over someone who clearly didn’t have the ability to care? Not at all.

And yet you stayed. You helped. You watched and trained and worked out with Iwaizumi almost on a daily basis! You were feeling good about yourself! He would help you eat healthy and shed off any weight you felt shouldn’t be there! It was great!

Except that it wasn’t. Because he was taking it too far. A 5k, and you were beat! Ready to shower and rest your aching muscles…. And yet he turned it into a 10k, a 15k, a 20k….. Leaving you in the dust, or forcing you to catch up with him by non running/walking means. You’d catch up with him towards the end, driving beside where he was running on the sidewalk, calling for him to get in the car so the two of you can go relax and binge watch some TV.

But he’d only fight back. “I don’t have TIME to relax, ________. I have to keep working out. I don’t want her to think I’m lazy or getting fat.”

His ex. She’d pointed out his ‘chubby cheeks’ before breaking up with him… and now he was obsessing over it. Trying everything in his power to bulk up his body and slim down his face… Did he really look chubby to everyone? Did his efforts at the gym not translate into his physique?

You had lost count how many times you’d told him he looked amazing, that his arms were big enough to squish a watermelon between them or that you could hand wash your clothes on his abs….. He could probably outrun a goddamn cheetah… and yet he didn’t stop. He didn’t quit.

It wasn’t healthy. You were in your peak condition - where you wanted to be in terms of body weight and eating routines. You were feeling amazing! Endorphins firing off when they were supposed to, anxiety and depression long gone from your mind because you were taking care of the root of them… You were in the best shape you’d ever been and you couldn’t be happier!….

But you could. You could definitely be happier…. If he’d stop killing himself over his ex.

“Hajime, for fucks sake… You’re not even eating right anymore!”

“I can’t eat, ______. I’m just going to get fat and look like a damn hippo next to her. Gotta be in my best shape.” He’d brush you off, even going to move past you towards the weights he had in his home. He’d spent so much money on gym equipment - because the gym he’d gone to had noticed his unhealthy habits and actually banned him from going back.

Leaving you to be the only amount of reason he might listen to.

It wasn’t working though. He wouldn’t listen to you. Not when you pointed out his faulty thinking, not when you showed him videos saying what he was doing was unhealthy, and not when you practically begged him to come to his senses.

Stubborn fool…. But you loved him. You loved him for his heart, for his thoughts… for his kindness and thoughtfulness towards others… You loved him for who he was… not for how he looked - though he looked absolutely delicious. And yet… He didn’t see that.

You couldn’t keep this up. You’d stopped working out with him. Stopped spotting him when he lifted weights… At one point, you’d stopped talking or visiting him altogether.

He hadn’t noticed.

That probably hurt the most. The fact that you could disappear and he wouldn’t notice… Not how he was now. Before his ex? He would have physically gone to your house to check on you… but now? After her? After her thoughtless heartbreaking lies? …. He only thought of her, of how to better his body for her pleasure.

But you couldn’t take it any longer. Sitting there alone in your home… wondering what he was doing, wondering if he’d eaten at all or if he’d had any water… Why was he killing himself for her? Why? You loved him… You loved him no matter what, but watching him bend himself broken……

Iwaizumi was lying on his back on his weight bench when you entered his home. “______! Come spot me.” You didn’t fight, you followed his instruction…. But irritation boiled your blood when he lifted the weight off it’s support before you were in place… So you did something that rational thinking you would forever be embarrassed about.

You straddled him.

Legs on either side of his hips, you sat casually on his pelvis, hands under the steel rod he gripped in his hands. “Wha-what the hell are you doing?” He grunted out, forcing his mind on the weight shaking in his hold and not the pressure of your body on his. “Fuck, help me?”

“This is literally half the weight you were able to lift last month…..” You noted, the muted anger clear in your voice. But you made no move to help lift the weight from him. Instead you grabbed the steel from the top and pulled it down so it was over his chest, then you were leaning down on it.

Iwaizumi let out a gasp of a squawk, “________! Stop!” He called, his own irritation in his voice, he was getting angry with you… but you knew this was the only way for him to see.

So you leaned a bit harder on the steel bar, feeling his arms shaking as they struggled to keep the weight from ‘crushing’ him… though you knew it wouldn’t harm him… His muscles were so weak from overuse, he needed to rest… if he rested, you knew this weight wouldn’t have any chance against him. Yet he struggled. Because he was unhealthy. He was weak.

“You’re a goddamn fool, Hajime. In your drive to get strong, to be the biggest meat head in the whole world, you’ve made yourself the weakest human I’ve ever known.”

His green eyes showed his anger, showed his boiling rage, “Get. Off. Of. Me.”

You smirked, “Make me. Big strong Hajime… I’m sure you could toss a little one like me around like a ragdoll… So why don’t you?” His arms continued to shake as he held off the weight, and you felt disgust in your stomach at the sight of him, “Because you can’t.” You roughly pushed off of him, moving to stand behind the weight bench and pull the steel bar to its support rings.

Iwaizumi didn’t move, gasping for air as he stared up at you, his expression showing his anger…. But his eyes… His eyes showing his fear, because you were right. He knew you were right this whole time. “Why do you care? I’m trying to get….” He panted for much needed air, his lungs burning from the exhaustion making itself known.

“Because I’m literally watching the man I love kill himself. You’re wasting away to nothing but skin and bones, all your muscle is falling apart because all you do is wear it down…. Soon enough you won’t even be able to hold your own head up and you know what? She’s not going to want you back. Not then, not now, and not when you eventually end up in an early grave because your heart can’t handle the effort your exerting.”

No tears. You were quite proud of your explosion. In most cases where you were angry, you couldn’t get your words out clearly, or you’d lose your train of thought… but you’d been thinking about him nonstop since he’d been dumped… since he’d started this whole insane power trip.

The silence was deafening.

“I owe you… so much, Hajime. Because you helped me. You pulled me out of his swirling hole of darkness… and you pushed me to better myself… I’m healthy. I’m able to run a 5k without dying after a couple feet… I’ve been eating healthy and all my inner demons are being starved because I absolutely love myself now…..” You looked down at where he lay, limp and weak… and you wondered if this was the first break his body has had since the breakup. “But I’m not happy, Hajime… I’m not. I can’t be. Watching you do this to yourself… You’re in the top percentile in terms of body mass and weight…. But you’re not stopping… You’re wearing yourself down day by day, hour by hour…. Not eating because she said you’ve got chubby cheeks….”

Iwaizumi looked away, feeling his heart ache. “Do I still have chubby cheeks?”

“Yeah, you do.” Was your immediate answer, and his green eyes were back on you in an instant - he took insult to your telling him the truth. But you let out a sigh and moved to stand beside the weight bench, grabbing his arm and pulling him to sit up. He struggled to help you, everything about his body felt heavy, felt tired and nonresponsive…. But you didn’t seem worried. “That’s not going to be something you can change though…. You’ve lost…. Nearly a quarter of your body weight… and you still have chubby cheeks… I think they’re just genetics.”

You playfully pinched his cheek, and he let out an irritated huff, “How could you love someone who’s got a fat face?”

His body slumped, and you couldn’t tell if it was on purpose, against yours, leaning into you. You wrapped you arm around his waist, and rest your head on his as it laid on your shoulder. He needed your strength right now. “Hey now, chubby doesn’t mean fat. You’ve got a cute face.” You smiled, hearing his unintelligible grumbling. “Please…. stop.” You whispered, struggling to keep the emotion out of your voice… this was the first time in a long time you’d been able to talk to him about anything other than a workout plan.

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, you squeezed your arm around his waist, feeling him flinch at the minimal pressure, “Ah! Alright alright! Jeez….” He hissed out, letting out a exhausted sigh, “Then… Could you help me get better?”

Vulnerable… You knew it was a long road before he was back to who he used to be… But if he wanted you to help him…

“And…. When I’m feeling better and I’m able to actually walk…” He cleared his throat, and you could feel the warmth of his face against your shoulder as he blushed, “Will you let me thank you by taking you out to dinner?”

“Uh…..” There goes your confidence in your words… You hadn’t expected that. Now it was your turn to blush, feeling your heart slamming against your chest as you watched his shaking hand take yours on your lap. And you knew he was shaking because he was weak, but a part of you felt as if he were shaking because he was nervous. “Uhm….” You cleared your throat, “Y-yeah… I-I’d love to….”

Akaashi Keiji:

So very flashy. How annoying… Your eyes traveled between the cool and collected Akaashi, your close friend… the man you loved…. To his girlfriend…. Who didn’t seem to care who was staring as she cooed and reacted loudly to the container Akaashi was currently offering her.

“Oh my GOD! Keijiiiiiiiii! These are so pretty!!!!” Pearls. A pearl necklace and matching earrings. She took the jewelry out of the container before tossing the velvet box in your genera direction, “Oooooh these are cute.” Akaashi watched patiently, though there was pride in his eyes… He was happy. He was content in her reaction because it meant he did good in shopping for her. But before he could really be proud, she turned to face him seriously and grab his hands, “Okay, so where’s my 4 months and 1 day anniversary gift?”

Your lips rolled inward and your eyebrows rose in your surprise at her greediness. But you remained silent. Akaashi had invited you out to hang out with him and his girlfriend, so pointing out her gold digging tendencies was definitely out of line. Akaashi stared at her in surprise, his eyes widening as her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the time lapsed, “4 months and one day?” He asked, repeating what she said to make sure he’d heard her correctly.

She rolled her eyes, tugging on his hands like a child on the verge of a tantrum, “Well, duh, Keiji~! Everyday with me is a blessing, right? Don’t I deserve nice things?” A pout and Akaashi was letting out a tired sigh before using one of his hands to pull out his wallet. “I want something prettier than the pearls! Something that glitters in the light!”

“Something expensive.” You muttered under your breath, feigning innocence when her head turned to acknowledge you.

“You don’t want me to be as boring and ugly as ______, right? Look at her~ No jewelry or anything pretty at all!” She huffed, pulling her hands from his and crossing her arms over her chest.

Insulted, but not really bothered, you simply rolled your eyes. Akaashi, though, didn’t seem to notice the jab in your looks, his fingers delving into his open wallet before pulling out a mind boggling amount of money for her.

She happily plucked the money from his fingers, and as he leaned down to press a kiss to her lips, she held up a finger to stop him. “Ah ah ah, no kisses. Not until I get my shiny stuff.” Then she was turning and prancing off in the direction of one of the most expensive stores in the city. Leaving you and Akaashi.

“Well, it’s really nice to see you, Keiji…. What’s been going on?” The idea of bringing up his girlfriends actions had you internally cringing. You didn’t want to talk about it. That was his life, his choice. And while you were pining for his attention…. You couldn’t force him to look your way in anything other than friendship.

His green eyes met yours, and your heart squeezed in your chest. He looked so tired. So exhausted. Had he been sleeping well lately? “Work. Honestly,” He smiled halfheartedly, “This is the first time I’ve been in public that wasn’t work.” His hum trailed off into silence. His eyes seemed to drop at bit, and you had to hold back the impulse to stroke his cheek…. That wasn’t something for you to do.

He’d been working nonstop. You knew. Pearls? On his salary? He must have been saving up for weeks. He probably even went into his savings account to pull for it… and you KNEW he hated dipping into that account! “How many hours this time?”

Akaashi checked his wrist watch, “Technically, this is only my lunch hour I’m using… I still have to go back into the office.” He must have seen your disapproving expression, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked in the direction of where his girlfriend had gone, “I’ll be fine. Work isn’t horrible..”

“You look like you haven’t slept in days, Keiji….”

“I’m fine, ______.” Was his curt response, wounding your already aching heart. You didn’t say anything more, allowing him to make his own decisions and run his own life the way he thought was best….

Yet you regretted not saying anything that day.

Because it only got worse.

He’d stopped texting you, stopped talking to you - and when you reached out to him… he only left you on ‘read’. Was he ignoring you? Was she poisoning him to leave you alone? Or was he genuinely upset with what you’d said that day?

But you were right, and you wouldn’t let his reaction to you make you question yourself. He was harming himself because she liked nice, material things… She liked expensive things, and he liked her - so he was going to bend over backwards to get her the nice expensive toys she wanted in that present moment. By any means necessary, you knew, because he was a loyal young man. He was a dedicated young man, who would stop at nothing for the ones he loved.

Did that mean he loved her more than he….. no, he never loved you. You were just a friend. You were sure Bokuto was a higher tier in affection receiving than you were. Because you were his girlfriends’ ‘competition’. If she didn’t like you… Then Akaashi had no choice but to agree with her.

Anger coursed through your veins as you shot up from your couch, feeling sick to your stomach at the idea of Akaashi not caring about you because he didn’t have the courage to think for himself. He was his own man. If he wanted to be friends with you, he damn would be! This silent treatment on the phone was absolutely ridiculous and you wanted some answers!

So why wait for them?

You banged on his front door, listening for any movement beyond. Another couple of bangs, and still no response. Was he home? His car was in the driveway… The lights inside the house were on… He had to be home. He was ignoring you or maybe he just… wasn’t paying attention.

The spare key. You remembered where it was. Under the doormat, you remembered telling him it wasn’t a good place to hide a key to his valuables…. Before he really had any valuables, that is. Akaashi had never been one for material things… Not until she came into his life and drained his wallet. She liked nice things…. He bought himself nice, useless things to make her happy… He bought her…. Probably thousands of dollars worth of material things.

The lights were on. Everywhere. You frowned as you slowly entered his home, closing and locking the door before turning off the lights nearest you. It was 3 in the afternoon, there was no point to having all these lights on when the windows were open.

“Keiji? You here?” You called out, a bit of a tremble in your voice - his empty house was creepy… No soothing presence of the man you loved to calm your nerves. “Keiji?” You tried again, slowly opening the door to his study.

Akaashi glanced over at you briefly before turning back to his laptop. He was working. On a weekend. Headphones in, you wondered if he was listening to a mundane lecture his boss had forced onto him or if it was his favorite music. He waved you off, his natural reaction to wanting to be left alone, but you only came closer. “________, I’m working. Please leave.”

But you didn’t. You scoped his office.

It was a wreck. A mess. A flimsy blanket and pillow on his office couch, books and papers littered all over the floor. Did he ever leave this room? Maybe for the bathroom since you didn’t see any unsavory yellow liquid filled bottles…. yet. The only site of food or drink being contained, poorly, in the trash bin. A whole pile of energy drinks beside it.

“What… the fuck, Keiji…” You had had it. You reached towards him and pulled the earbuds from him, making him lean back in shock when the lecture faded away from his hearing. “Keiji…. Are you serious? Look at this….” You waved towards the entirety of his study, “This has got to stop! You’re running yourself into an early grave!”

Akaashi shrugged easily, “I haven’t been home enough to tidy up. I have to make sure my next paycheck is big enough so-“

“No, no you don’t, Keiji. You have to take care of yourself. You have to drop her and focus on yourself!” An empty bag from one of the expensive stores caught your eye, you grabbed it and started picking up what you thought was trash, tossing it into the bag, “What the fuck is going on, Keiji.. It’s like you’re someone else entirely and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to you but you only shut me out, and honestly it’s getting harder and harder for me to try to help you because I know it will only end it failure and hurt my heart even more than it already is-“

“She dumped me, _______.”

You froze.

Dumped him? His shoulders sagged, and his hand tiredly closed the laptop in front of him before leaning back in his desk chair, his hands coming to rub at his face roughly. “She left me… And I need to get this money so I can get her something nice.. So she comes back to me…”

“Why?” You didn’t mean for your voice to hold the poison it did. But why would he want her back? She was only a greedy gold digger…. And yet…. He wanted that? He wanted that poison in his life?

Akasshi lowered his hands, giving you a surprised look, “…. Because I loved her?”

It was a lost cause. He was. Your heart ached as you dropped the bag, not finding the point in cleaning up if it would only revert once you’d left. “Why?” You asked again, this time balling your fists by your sides, “Don’t you see what she’s doing? She just wants money. She just wants you to spend all your money on her so she can look good. That’s all it is. She doesn’t care, Keiji… She doesn’t give a damn! You spent all that money on her, you missed holidays, you missed my birthday, you missed your own birthday for fucks sake…. And what? She left you anyway? Don’t you see?”

When had you started crying?

You roughly wiped away your tears, “She’s not going to change, Keiji… And you’re a goddamn idiot if you think she is.” You sniffled, “No one who really loves someone does that. They don’t make you bend over backwards just to hang out with them, they don’t love you depending on the dollar amount of a gift, or make you lose yourself to make them happy!” Akaashi was taken aback when your eyes met his. He’d never seen you so distraught before - never seen that expression of pure torture in your eyes, “I love you, Keiji… and I would NEVER make you change yourself for me. I would never ask you to spend your very last dime on something stupid like earrings or a diamond necklace….”

He was at a loss for words. “I….I know that, ______…..” His voice was calm and collected, but the hesitance at the beginning of his response told you he felt out of place. He never would have expected you to confess.

“Then why…” You started only to stop…. Seeing there was no point in letting him see you fall apart… “You know what….. Forget it…” You sniffled, rubbing at your cheeks to clear the tears before making your way to the study door.

“N-No, wait!” His hand grabbed your opposite wrist as you went to open the door. “Please…. Don’t leave.” Your hand rested on the door as he held you in place, “You’re right, _____. You’re right. I’m a complete fool… For not listening to you, for ignoring you… You’re right… and I’m so sorry… Please….” His voice cracked, and you prayed this wasn’t a trick…. “Please stay.”

Oikawa Tooru:

“I think I’m going to stop doing anything with Volleyball…”

That took you off guard, and you lowered your coaching clipboard. He was the coach at his former highschool… and he wanted to stop? Everything? You huffed with a smirk, “Yeah sure, when pigs fly, Tooru.” But when he didn’t laugh, you glanced up at him once more, “Why would you want to do that?”

Oikawa shrugged, “Ah… Because I’m not any good at it. Busted knee, it’s not like I’m going anywhere grand or amazing with this kind of career.” So nonchalantly was he digging into himself, you ached at how harsh his words were. “So might as well give it up before it wastes anymore of my life, right?”

“I think….” You started, “If you enjoy what you do… why give it up?”

That seemed to confuse him for a couple days. He’d come into the gym, teach the players a new tactic then spend the rest of the session in his office, making it seem like he had paperwork to do but really… he’d just sit there and stare off into space.

Had what you said really been that insane?

Apparently to his girlfriend, it really was. Soon enough you heard the office door slamming closed and the sound of clicking heels as she stomped to where you stood on the side of the court - watching the students playing easily with each other. She grabbed your shoulder and whirled you around to face her.

You nearly reactively punched her for putting her hands on you. But you restrained yourself in time for her to stare huffily at you, “Did you tell Tooru it was fine for him to keep this job?”

“First…” You calmly responded, setting down the clipboard in your hands before staring at her fiercely, “Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” She didn’t seem to flinch, her jaw only clenching in clear annoyance with your calm demeanor. “Secondly, Tooru is a grown man. He can make his own decisions.. I just simply said-“

“OH! So it WAS you! You bitch! He needs to leave this dead end job and get something better! Something that actually suits his handicapped self! He’s broken, ______, let him fucking leave this hellhole and get some desk job or something.”

The expression you pulled wasn’t something you were used to. Disgust? Maybe mixed with humor? Or maybe it was disgust and insult? “Tooru is not broken. Not in the least. He’s fully functioning and much stronger than he was as a teenager… If he wants a break from work, he’s got plenty of time off saved up-“

She scoffed, “Clearly, you’re not understanding me.” Her eyes became hateful as she glared at you, “He quits.”

A snicker pulled from your mouth at her complete seriousness, and when her fury only seemed to increase, you shrugged easily, “I can’t take that from you, sorry. Tooru-“

“STOP calling him that! He’s MY boyfriend. You call him something formal or-“

“Like I was saying, Tooru,” You emphasized his name, “will have to come talk to me about it if he really wants to quit… I doubt he does, but my office is open for any appointment he wants to set.”

Then she stomped her foot like a toddler, “Don’t you realize he’s broken? He can’t do anything right! Always clumsy around the house, talking about volleyball as if he’s ever going to play again, honestly, what’s the point?”

You nodded as if you were actually listening, grabbing the clipboard now to show you were done with the conversation, “Just tell Tooru to come talk to me and we’ll get it figured out. Thanks. BOYS! Huddle up!” You yelled loudly, gaining the attention of the high schoolers.

Oikawa didn’t come talk to you about quitting that day. Or even that week. But she sure was in your office more often, complaining about how you were tricking Oikawa or manipulating him into staying. She was easy to handle, though… Kind of fun with a side of dead brain cells after each conversation with her… But it’s not something you could stop since she would come into the building with the request to talk to Oikawa.

It hurt you to see him having to deal with her everyday. It hurt you even more to know he was willingly staying in that kind of relationship instead of looking your way… But you saw him everyday, too, and you were able to talk to him as you would if he were yours….

Yet that ache in your heart remained. Because he wasn’t yours. And by the looks of that relationship, and her control over him, he never would be.

Then one day… out of the blue…. She dumped him.

He didn’t come to work for days. And you gave him time. You didn’t worry about his absence because you knew what it was to be heartbroken… You were just stronger for how you handled yours.

By the second week of his… unplanned leave, you’d decided that was enough. He needed to come back to work.

When he opened his front door, you were surprised to see he looked relatively normal. Clean, put together, rested… He looked great! “Breaks up, bub… Time to get back to school.”

Oikawa frowned but allowed you into his house, “_______, I just got dumped… have some sympathy…”

You scoffed with a smirk, “I did! For almost 2 weeks, Tooru… But you gotta get back to work sometime, so why not today? The kids are…… What’s that?” Your eyes were drawn to a bag of what looked like charred books and magazines. Burnt to a crisp and resting by the front door to be taken out with other trash. “Are those….” You could make out a few titles, space and aliens and planets and stars…. They were his nerd books, his favorite topic… Burnt and ruined. Ready to join the garbage… “Are those your…. Your alien books?”

He didn’t meet your eyes when you looked at him in shock, simply shrugging before making his way further into his home, wanting to be away from the memory of yesterday. The memory of burning his books and interests down. “Ah, what’s the point, ______~? I’m nearly 30 years old! Space is for kids who have a chance to get there.” He shrugged easily, as if 30 years of obsessing over the unknown was nothing to him.

“Your whole life…. Tooru….” You were speechless, how did someone handle these cases?

“She said I’d never make it to space, so why bother? And honestly, she was right… So I figured… why keep the clutter? Maybe she’d enjoy the cleaner house when I win her back.”

“Win her back…..” You echoed, but it didn’t sound like your voice - honestly, you could barely hear your voice over the cracking of your heart.

Oikawa nodded with a smile, as if he’d done something right! “Yeah! I even got rid of my Volleyball magazines and some of my previous-“

You slapped him across the face, an impulse reaction, “What the hell is wrong with you?” Then you were grabbing his arms, his hand coming up to rub his cheek with a sour look on his face, “All your things? All your interests?”

He shrugged, “She didn’t think they had a point.”

Anger seized your body and you shook him in your hands as best you could… He just let you slightly wiggle his body, “What the hell is wrong with you?? Who cares what she thinks? If you liked them, why didn’t you keep them?”

A laugh…. One of his fake laughs escaped him as he pulled out of your hold, “You’re right, ____! I’m just an idiot, huh?” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Just a blind idiot who doesn’t know how to make anyone else around me happy… I couldn’t keep my girlfriend because she didn’t like my stuff.. and now I can’t keep my best friend because you didn’t like what I did with my girlfriend…” He put his hands on his hips and shook his head with a ‘hopeless’ smile on his face, “I just can’t win, huh?”

You wanted to hit him again. You wanted to shake the sense into him. You wanted to yell and tell him how wrong he was for thinking so lowly of himself and allowing the ideas of others unhappiness change who he was.

But you could only stand there in shock.

“I…. I loved your interests… Tooru… I loved hearing you talk about aliens… Or space in general… Hell, I didn’t understand half of what you were talking about, but I loved hearing you talk about it…. And Volleyball?” You let out a huff of disbelief, “I fucking TOOK the job as the team sponsor because you were the coach! You know I didn’t know a thing about Volleyball before you…. And you were nice enough, sweet enough, to take the time out of your busy day to talk to me about it and show me videos of you playing in the past…..” Your heart leapt into your throat, “And… And you’re telling me you… You just… got rid of everything?”

His eyebrows furrowed, his heart hammering in his chest. He was upset you hit him… but maybe you were right to. Maybe he was losing his mind…. He’d gotten rid of everything… for her… but you… You liked those things, so why had he gotten rid of everything because she hadn’t?

“I… I don’t know….”

Pity filled your heart. Pity for his confused head, his foggy thinking… she’d wrapped herself so much around him, constricted his air and reasoning so much that even after her releasing him… he was still affected by her poison. “Oh, Tooru….”

Tears filled his eyes, “I… I don’t know, _____! I don’t know why I did it! I don’t…. I didn’t….” He reached up and wiped the tears leaking down his cheeks, “I just.. She didn’t…” Realization of what he’d done was finally setting in and you could see he deeply regretted everything he’d done. “Oh my god…” He slowly lowered himself to sit on his couch, slouching forward as he covered his face with his hands, feeling shame wrapping around his body…

You joined him on the couch, not giving him a chance to argue before you were wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close to you, “It’s not your fault….” You whispered quietly, but he only shook in your hold. He’d gotten rid of his most prized possessions… Without even pausing to think if it was a bad idea…. “She hurt you, Tooru… She dug herself into your life and uprooted everything….” He closed his eyes tightly, wishing what he’d done was just a bad dream… that he’d never met her… that’d he’d just gathered the courage to be with you from the beginning! “And when you’re better…. Feeling better or thinking better…. We’ll go get cooler stuff…. Cooler Alien things and space stuff….”

Oikawa felt guilt and shame pinching his heart. Here you were…. Supportive and sweet… offering to help him when he was the most idiotic of people to fall for someone so evil… and yet… He hadn’t seen that before. He’d chosen to be blind to it. Because his ex had chased him… And he liked being chased - but you… You waited. Patiently, you waited for him to come to his senses.

You just wished you’d been more proactive in voicing your opinions of his ex. Maybe it would have saved his alien books and volleyball stuff. “Thank you… For slapping me…” That took you offguard, too, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush of deja vu at his ability to keep you on your toes… But you could only laugh in surprise. “Seriously… If you hadn’t slapped me..” He trailed off, knowing he’d been under his ex’s spell before you’d hit him…

Humming with a small smile, you squeezed him in your hug, “Thank me by talking to me about space and volleyball.. Or anything else you like…” He blushed deeply… You could feel the warmth and wondered what he was thinking about, “So what do you li-“

“You.” Oikawa blurted out, feeling his face light on fire with his embarrassment, “I like you… A lot…”

[purplesurveys]

745

Do you support freedom of speech? Of course, as long as that freedom is not used to advocate homophobia, racism, or sexism, or any form of oppression towards marginalized groups.

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? Yeah. My family loooves to use this word as their main adjective for me as I’ve always been the most vocal, unapologetic and rather radical one in my stances. All my relatives are more conservative and traditional so when it comes to like talking to their peers about me, my being opinionated is always the main thing they take pride in, as in “Robyn isn’t afraid to say her thoughts” or “Robyn has always been very honest” lmao. 

There’ll be times I will have an opinion that vastly clashes from theirs, usually politics, and they’ll do something I’ve always found hilarious in that they’ll talk about me behind my back to my mom and tell my mom to monitor my posts more. So ok, I guess it’s nice to have a niece who’s unafraid to speak her mind but when it’s different from how they think, they’ll do whatever it takes to silence me haha.

Do you hold grudges for long? I hold grudges for life.

What's in your garden/backyard? We don’t really have a garden. We just have a couple of large trees and several potted plants to decorate the front of the house but that’s it. For the backyard, I dunno the name for this particular type of flooring but ours is basically composed of stones embedded onto the ground so it’s not very child-friendly. We do have a portion with more plants there and a basketball hoop for my dad to play/exercise with every morning.

Do you own a purple pillow? I don’t think so. My sister probably does as she loves pillows and stuffed toys and loves collecting either.

Do you have a brown blanket? I don’t.

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? I don’t really like any of these as designs.

Is Pink attractive on a man? This conversation died a long time ago lol. Anything can be attractive on anyone as long as they’re comfortable with it lol.

Do you watch political shows? We don’t have those here as politics here are mostly emotionally-charged and regular debates won’t work, coupled with the fact that we have a number of politicians who are merely celebrities or athletes and will be absolutely useless on such shows. News programs are enough politics for us.

When was the last time you visited the bathroom? I dropped off my dog at the shower five minutes ago as my mom had plans to give him a bath.

Do you like flying? When was the last time you were on a plane? Yepppp I really like riding planes. For me it’s always been the biggest indicator that I’m travelling and it gets me all excited. The last time was March last year when we went to Bicol for a short vacation.

Have you ever overflown a bath? No.

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? I know it’s always best to hear it but sometimes it’ll still sting.

Do you know what Runes are? No, I’ve never heard of it.

Do you play any Fantasy/Roleslaying Games? What? No. Fantasy is my least favorite genre of anything.

Do you like salami? Not really. Processed meats have never really sat well with me. < Oh my goodness same. I never liked how they taste or feel like. If someone ordered a pepperoni pizza I’ll always have to put some extra effort to remove the pepperoni on mine, usually to the horror of my friends lmao.

When was the last time you ate meat? We had binagoongan for dinner an hour ago and that mainly consists of pork.

What was the last hot drink you drank? I heated water to make coffee but I usually leave it untouched for half an hour or so for it to cool down, as I hate drinking hot coffee in the summer.

Have your parents met your boyfriend/exes? They have met my girlfriend, but not as my girlfriend.

How about your boyfriend’s parents? Met them? Yes, I’ve met my girlfriend’s parents. They’re a delight, and they’ve been very nice to me from the very beginning.

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? Not really. There are just particular scenarios I don’t like being in, like if I’m running late or if I’m in a class with a prof notorious for screaming at or embarrassing their students.

Is there a girls/boys name you can't stand? Why? Name all you dislike: I don’t actively hate any names but I do have a predisposition to chuckle when I hear names like Karen, Becky, Susan, and Chad because they’re now memes on the Internet hahahaha.

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? Sure. I know how to say it in Spanish, English, Filipino, Korean, and French.

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 44.

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? It’s cute but I don’t find it relaxing for the most part. I just get the sensation of being scratched or hissed at because cats don’t seem to like me.

Are you in a simple or complex mood? Right now it’s a bit complex. There’s a lot of things going on in my head right now and only surveys can calm me down for the meantime.

Do you know your Mum's first pets name? I’m not sure if it was their first but my mom occasionally talks about their family dog Collar.

Do you like car racing? No, but I have a number of friends who do. JM in particular is super passionate about it and has a lot of F1 stories to tell, and even though I don’t understand most of it or don’t recognize most of the people he talks about, it’s always nice to have someone spill their interests onto you so I listen anyway. :) He once gave each of us a piece of tire that he got from the racetracks when he watched the Singapore Grand Prix last year, it was adorable.

Do you fall asleep with the TV/radio on? I put Netflix on. I used to put YouTube on but its autoplay will go on until I wake up and is a huge battery drainer. Netflix will only play a couple of episodes and stops the show completely when you fail to respond haha.

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? My mom’s cousins. They’re all several years younger than her so they’re a lot hipper than my mom, were actually cool in their youth lmao, and are more understanding and accepting and open-minded about current issues. They’re the first relatives (that aren’t my sister or closest cousin) I came out to, and I appreciate them keeping the secret to this day.

Do you wear underwear to bed? Yep.

Who hugs you the most often? It’s a tie between Gab and Laurice.

Who was the last person you led astray? Uhhhh this sounds awful lol. I’d hate to have this kind of impact on someone.

Who was the last person who led you astray? No one’s done this to me as far as I know.

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, for what? Sure but I wouldn’t exert so much effort just to be famous, like joining a million auditions or contests. It’d be nice if, say, I just had a vlog and it was one of the lucky ones to hit the jackpot and end up having a decent following. I’ve always liked journaling my life and I feel like vlogging is the only method I haven’t dabbled with yet.

Is your phone a pay as go/talk or contract? It’s prepaid, which sounds like pay-as-go anyway. I put in a certain amount of money on my sim card to use for call and text, not the other way around.

What colour is your bedroom carpet? I don’t have one in my room cause my dog would much likely pee on it.

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? Nervous.

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? Probably my teeth, and that my front ones aren’t straight.

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? No.

Do you like Sapphires? The gemstones? Not really. They’re fine, but I wouldn’t go looking for them.

Do you own a torch? I don’t.

Marshmellow - Yum or Yuck? Yuck, in any way they’re incorporated into food. I really dislike the chewy texture and I find them too sweet as well.

What fruit can't you stand? All of them, but the ones I’ve tasted and particularly hated are mango and pineapple.

Is there any smell that turns you on? What? Not really. My girlfriend’s scent sometimes would, but it wouldn’t turn me on every single time I have a whiff of it lmao.

Do you wear more white or black? Black, but I’ve tried to lessen it recently because I feel like I wore black throughout college. I’m glad I at least got to experiment with yellow, olive green, maroon, pink, etc before they cut off the school year.

What age are most your friends? They were mostly born within the years 1997 through 1999.

Do you know anyone autistic? No, not personally.

How about someone bi-polar? Yes.

Are you judgmental? I definitely try not to be, but I’m sure I am. I try to at least check myself when I have judgmental thoughts. <  This. I can also be unapologetically judgmental but this is reserved for people who have behaved shittily in public, like if a white person yells at and/or mocks an Asian person on public transport, or if a Karen-type mistreats fast food workers.

What was the last thing you borrowed from someone? My sister’s eyeglasses cleaner.

I give you a kitty - what do you name it? Cinnamon was the first name that came to mind.

Why do you think your enemies don't like you? I don’t have any enemies.

What about you do you think your friends dislike? I get super cranky about other people sometimes and complain excessively about them if they’re not doing their job right.

What do you consider private to you? I’m not private about anything as long as someone asks but I will be most reserved if I have to talk about my depression from Grade 6. Partly because I’ve forgotten a lot of it, partly because it’s simply not worth it to go retracing the bits that I do remember.

[c0ffeebee]

...Diego Hargreeves for the character meme please!

alright let us talk about my son, that idiot boy of mine, my sun moon and all of my stars 💛 thanks for asking, @letsbakethatcake and the anon, is what i mean xD

OTP for them: kliego, this is the way

BROTP for them: now i'm thinking like DO | EVEN HAVE ONE?? because to me the only three relationships in his life in which he's shown to have any actual emotional investment are the relationships with mom, eudora and klaus, mom is... well mom, eudora is his ex and klaus is my romantic otp for him, but... i suppose both klaus and eudora are also my brotps for him if that makes sense? i mean eudora and him probably had romantic relationship at the time they were in the police academy together so 5-10 years ago and they still stayed in touch and their interactions mostly don't feel awkward so i imagine they were good friends both before and after they've tried to date and it didn't work, it's obvious she meant a lot to him but i don't believe they were seeing each other as potential romantic partners after that one failed attempt, so yeah, brotp it is, and since we all know romantic kliego has nothing to do with canon they are my brotp in the text of the show too

Other ships: the only thing i can think of is benkliego but even then we didn't see enough of diego and ben's interactions for me to fully commit to this concept because for now it's hard for me to see it as a relationship with a steady and even dynamics where no one feels left out or something, so benkliego as a possibility and nothing else because diego i think is one of the sooo few of my fave characters that i can't multiship for no apparent reason, i just believe he was in love with klaus for the most of his life and it doesn't mean he never loved anyone else or never tried to be happy with anyone else, he did and he was for some time (see, eudora), but klaus was and always will be kind of the person he can't un-love if i can say so, like someone he'll always choose over other people if klaus just gives him a chance to believe it's possible for things to work between them

What kind of fic I’d write about them: i'm probably gonna repeat myself here because i already answered about klaus and the thing is i only write shippy things so yeah... but of course him leaving the academy and taking klaus along with him would be something I would be interested in writing, oh and you know what? if we're talking about diego as a character i would like to write him as i see him, not the tough rough mask he wears but the soft caring person behind it, people tent to write him as this possessive aggressive macho man ready to hurt klaus and although i think everyone has a right to do whatever they want with the character i don't believe this is who diego is, i believe in diego who is soft and gentle with the people he loves, who doesn't wear any masks around his loved ones and etc, also this fandom doesn't have nearly enough bottom diego fics in it and we should all be ashamed of ourselves, look at that boy, look at him, he'd be delighted to be taken apart and letting go of all control, feeling vulnerable and seen and yet still loved and worshipped, give me all the bottom diego there is (a little note, i believe all the characters i love to be versatile because it's much more fun, and i don't have anything against the fics in which diego tops i'm just saying, you know, some variety won't hurt?)

A favorite canon moment: i can't choose god i love his so much?? every scene with grace or with klaus? "stop being so sexist"? the first moment we see him, when he's fighting the bad guys? maybe... ok i can't say it was totally my favorite but him turning grace off in the third episode? so much raw emotional vulnerability, i think it was the moment i really fell in love with the character

Color that reminds me of them: black and blue

Song that reminds me of them: bishops knife trick by fell out boy, begging for thread by banks, ambulance by my chemical romance, exit music by radiohead, like half of tua soundtrack and also a lot of "kliego" songs

A headcanon about them: diego is demisexual, he never had any real and committed romantic relationship with anyone except eudora, he tried both drinking and smoking and didn't really saw the appeal of it, he never tried any drugs tho, he still knows how to play that guitar he's got in his room, he built most of his tough exterior after leaving the academy not before, he legally changed his name from number two to diego as soon as he turned 18, he's bi (of fucking course), he likes to bottom, klaus was his first crush and first love and maybe first kiss ("for practice, right?"), grace sang him to sleep, he's not a bad cook cause he learned from mom, he treats most of his wounds himself and that's why some of his scars don't look as neat as the others, the "good" scars are the ones on which either the mom did the stitches or diego himself but only once he knew how to do it properly, the "bad" scars are the ones that were used for his practice, he doesn't like baths because he hates to be in a still water for long (training with dear old dad you know), someone please stop me, i think my answer is already far too long

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: has anyone ever talked about merman diego because of his abilities? because if not there you go, merman diego, he can even have octopus tentacles instead of a fish tale because he's the kraken after all, of course he's no little mermaid so that scenario would not work here, if he saved prince!klaus from drowning there would be no singing or "oh wow a human he's so pretty" more like "oh wow what a fucking idiot, are humans all so stupid?", i don't even think he would ask for legs so no fairytale, but we can always imagine our own plot for it

Anything else: i really want to believe those set photos where both him and klaus look like jesus and bucky barns at the same time were just like... you know... that they will look like that just for a small part of the season, but i think i've lost all hope, anyway i will love him even if he is jesus cosplayer now xD

[doubledoublezero]

Oh boy, the exciting conclusion of my last break up with my ex!

I didn’t write the conclusion to this story because honestly it has been a lot to process. Where we last left off on this gay episode of Shameless, my ex blocked me on facebook because he thought I was trying to be spiteful and get close to his coworker and I was pissed at him for thinking I would even do that.

Days went by and I was still going through a cycle of emotions from our last conversation. Well mostly just 2: anger and sadness. It’s funny, not many people in my life have ever gotten me to the point of actual frustration even after working retail for a few years. But even then, all I kept thinking about was what brought us to this point? Where did things go wrong? And why after everything that has happened I want him to be happy? Should I not want that for him? I wish we could talk about it. I just want this to be resolved.

I remembered the letter I wrote for him on our shared drive folder that I wrote the day after he came over and broke my heart again. It said a bunch of things I was holding back. Like that he never experienced love before because he dated guys who treat him like shit and that his family will never except him for his sexuality. And because of everything that’s happened to him, he hates himself and denies himself of being happy. I felt sad for him for so long. He has such a big heart, a unique personality, a warm smile, he’s still one of the best people I have ever met on this planet, he deserved better than what he was given. He used to be the type of person who would do anything for the people he loved and the guys he wanted to see a future with, but they all took advantage of him and hurt him. His last relationship before me was with a guy he really started to care about and was happy with. Nothing seemed to be a problem really. Then one day he found out that his boyfriend was actually an escort the whole time they were together and contracted HIV. My ex freaked out since they have been having sex unprotected for months and was scared. Not only was his boyfriend having sex with various other people behind his back, but might have given him HIV because of it. This lie traumatized him. Luckily, he tested and retested negative, but he still couldn’t believe the person he might have even been falling for lied to him about this the whole time. It was after that, something started changing in him. He remained celibate up until he met me.

Our relationship was honestly some of the happiest times of my life even now still. I never felt a deeper connection with anyone in humor, lifestyles, long term goals, and even random stupid stuff. It’s the first time in my life I have ever felt 100% sure about anything. And even though he ended up becoming distant, both literally and metaphorically, it was always obvious he cared about me. He always used to put me first even when trying to balance everything. So when he moved and we broke up, I knew he didn’t want to completely let go. I loved him, he took advantage of that, but I know it was more than just sex. He didn’t want me to be completely gone either. Which is why every time I would end things, he would apologize weeks later and we went back to doing the usual.

Looking back at it, even when I didn’t completely have him, I was happier with that than when I was with anyone else. Love really does make you stupid sometimes.

But days after our last text conversation, my phone rings. It’s my ex. The only thing I felt was surprise and anticipation. For some reason, just seeing his name on my phone always gives me such comfort. He called just to talk about everything. He wanted to apologize legitimately for everything. For the way he treated me, for taking advantage of me, for staying with me even though we wanted different things. He didn’t want forgiveness, he just wanted to say how he felt and that he was wrong. It was the first time in so long he felt like the same guy who picked me up from work for our first date. The only man I have ever fell completely in love with at first sight and maybe just completely in love with. I thanked him and said we can be friends again someday. We know it would take some time.

A few days passed and all I felt was thankful. I finally got to speak to the guy I feel for after so long. I just felt like it wasn’t over yet. I kept thinking about all his words all day and night and couldn’t leave it at just that. I sent him a voice message telling him that I forgave him since I never said those words when we spoke. And I told him that he wasn’t the only toxic factor between the two of us. I wasn’t the best either. I was codependent, had bad Cognitive Dissonance towards the absence of his presence, and overall expected too much of us. To be honest, I am afraid of losing the people I love. The last time I tried to distance myself from someone I cared about, he died. That stuck with me for years and just never shook it. So I always have to let a person know how much they mean to me so that they know in case it ever becomes too late. And I had to let him know that what happened with him and his ex boyfriend was not his fault. He didn’t deserve that and doesn’t deserve anything like that again. He sent me back a simple text: Thank You Andrew.

That’s the last time we spoke.

That was a bit over a month ago. In that time I’ve dated and currently talking to someone. Of course, we both agreed for the time being that we would just remain with no commitment or label but just casually date when we can. There’s no long term goal or anything, just letting the present happen. I’ve also been picking up a lot of work and have been pretty busy with everything. Things have been going pretty well really and honestly I can’t complain about a lot. But it’s only when I get a moment to relax, I get some time to myself, I finally get to unwind, I notice his absence. He’s not here anymore. I can’t just send him a random meme because I was thinking of him, I can’t see anything he posts on social media, I can’t find him on WoW since I unfriended him. He’s just gone...and I hate that.

Not because he was my boyfriend. Not because of our back and forth for years. Because he really was my best friend. Even when I say or do something with a group of people that’s completely outlandish or obscene, I can’t help but think about how he would have done the same. Our personalities were so similar that I would remind myself constantly of us. 

There’s been a lot of times in the past where I can feel the end of a relationship. It’s like you feel the catharsis coursing through you and you just know that it’s over. There was a guy I talked to on here who was pretty much a fame-whore but we talked for a long time. I finally met him, kissed him goodbye, and just knew it was over from that day forward. My first relationship, once it was over and even though it hurt sometimes, it felt like our ending. I told a friend that I had a crush on for a whole year that I had some feelings for him knowing he didn’t feel the same way and once I left I knew that it was probably for the lat time. There is always a part of you when a relationship ends where you feel it. You know it’s the end, even when you don’t want it to be. Even if you’re in denial about it, you know it’s actually over as much as you try to fight against it. But with my ex...I just never felt that way. Maybe it hasn’t hit yet. It’s never felt over even though I know it is. I got a good ending, this is where the credits role. The actual catharsis is met...but it doesn't feel like it. And I don’t think it ever will with him. From this whole adventure, this whole journey we had, after everything, I don’t think I can imagine a day where I haven’t thought about him at least once. I don’t even know how to end this post. The conclusion is there, but it feels absent.

So I guess I’ll leave things here. Let the story finish itself.

[brokenbowen-a]

@solarecour asked: 1-50-

( quarantine ask game )

i’m putting these under the cut because... it’s a lot. but, thank you riles. 

What’s your go to snack?

as of lately it’s been m&ms but it’s usually any kind of chips. i dunno, i’m pretty basic.

What’s a movie you could watch over and over?

honestly there’s lots of movies i could say because i love movies and have many favorites that i have indeed watched over and over again, but the main one would have to be now you see me. the first one or the second one, to be honest. if you know me, you know how much i love those movies. they’re my favorite of all time. and huge comfort movies for me.

Favorite show to binge?

hm, i don’t binge watch shows a whole ton. i think i’d have to say one day at a time. back when it was on netflix, i binged each new season so easily and quickly and rewatch binged a few times. like it’s one of my favorite shows ever and it’s just very binge-able and yeah.

5 songs that make you want to dance?

ex wives or don’t lose ur head from six. cruisin for a bruisin from teen beach movie. work this out from high school musical 2. hoedown throwdown from hannah montana. pretty much anything from mamma mia 1 or 2.

5 songs that make you feel less lonely?

i don’t know ... how to answer this, so i’m just putting five songs i really love. just for a moment from hsmtmts. lover by taylor swift. i’m still standing by elton john. all you wanna do from six (even if it hurts). every single song from the wicked soundtrack. plus. like, sooo many other songs. i love music. a lot. 

Favorite meal to cook yourself?

i... don’t cook. so... ramen noodles lmao.

How do you “treat yourself”?

i buy myself food lmao. 

Favorite thing to do when doing self care?

i... don’t know? what does self care mean, like, exactly? because if it’s just... taking care of yourself, then that’s what i do everyday? i don’t exactly go out and like take myself to the spa or something? i don’t know, do baths count? if so, then, baths. 

Who have you been talking to the most?

the crow fam, you know who you are.

One thing you really miss right now?

assuming this means because of quarantine, then, going to the movies with my mom. or just, out with her in general. i also really miss my grandparents, which isn’t really because of quarantine, but like, i can’t call them up and see if i can come over because of quarantine so... i guess it technically is?

If you could be self isolated with anyone who would it be?

the crow fam, again. without a doubt.

Do you have any pets?

yes, a calico cat named ruta ann and a goldfish named fred

Favorite videgames?

i really only know nintendo when it comes to video games, but super mario galaxy 2 is like my favorite video game ever. but like any mario game in general, honestly. also pokemon, nintendogs, and of course, animal crossing. also in non-nintendo, if sims counts, then sims. even if i don’t have it installed on my current laptop. and also, i haven’t played it ages and this may shock some people, but i actually like call of duty.

Favorite podcasts?

i do not listen to podcasts, sorry.

Favorite YouTubers?

shane dawson (if you know me, you know this, he’s not only my favorite youtuber but one of my fave celebrities ever and someone who means a lot to me) + all his people (ryland, morgan, garrett, drew). and then also i love drew gooden, danny gonzalez and kurtis conner a lot. and i don’t think anyone even knows who this is but i love deargreyson aka alex cloutier. and also carissa nunez.

Wake up time?

um... that’s a good question. it... changes a lot. lately, it’s been anywhere from noon to like two pm. and honestly it can change at any given moment.

Sleep time?

similarly to the wake up time, it changes a lot and can change at any given moment. lately it’s been like... 2 or 3 am.

If you could go anywhere right now where would it be?

hm. i dunno. maybe to meet my best friend @luthcrandsupcr because i was just thinking about that a little bit ago.

What’s a change you want to keep when self isolation is over?

well, i haven’t really had any changes so... there isn’t really anything to say here.

Have you learned something?

i... don’t know. probably, but i can’t think of anything to say...

Any new skills?

no, not really, i don’t think...

What’s a hobby you’d like to start learning?

lowkey, drawing. even though i don’t think i’d been good at it because i can’t draw but honestly i kind of want to try to learn. also dancing, even though the same thing applies. 

What’s something you’d like to get better at?

does... being active count? like, i mean, as in, on here, writing. not like... athletic wise. lmao. if so, then, that. i mean, to be fair, i mostly have not been active because of everything going on with the world, so i feel like this can count...

What food do you wish you had right now?

cheese wontons. i had some the other day because we had chinese and now... i just really want some more.

Your go to quarantine outfit?

i ... have not changed my style or anything at all. so, my go to, every day outfit, is a t-shirt, sweatpants and usually a hoodie.

What have you done today?

i woke up, went to the store to buy something for mine and my sister’s friend. then went out with my dad and my sister to get dinner. came home, ate, got a bath, and now here i am.

Any plans for tomorrow?

i don’t think so? besides preparing for easter, i think we may be dyeing eggs? i dunno.

What’s on your “to watch” list?

right now, locke and key. my brother just finished it and he and my sister were telling me about it last night and i became intrigued. also, the second to all the boys because i still have not seen that. and i know it’s literally been months but also let it snow because i was reminded last night i still need to watch that.

Any musicians/bands you’ve discovered?

no, not really. i’ve discovered some new songs because of tik tok or video edits on instagram but like, not really any that i’ve checked out the singer’s other music or anything.

Post a selfie right now!!

i would prefer not to, to be honest.

Post pictures of your pets!

i don’t have any pics of them on my laptop :/

When was the last time you drank water?

i don’t know. i ... don’t drink water a lot. rip :/

When was the last time you ate?

like, a couple hours ago?

When was the last time you got up and stretched?

um, not too long ago because i got a bath. i dunno, maybe like an hour ago?

Favorite song right now?

hmm, i’ve been listening to a lot of throwback lately. honestly, anything from avril lavigne. but also because i am still highkey obsessed, anything from six. and also, obviously, hsmtmts.

Favorite social media to scroll through?

does tik tok count? if so, then tik tok, hands down. but also, twitter and instagram. and of course, tumblr.

What’s the last thing you ate?

a burger and tater tots.

What’s the weather like where you are?

it’s been rainy and cold, mostly.

Have you been playing animal crossing?

yes, but not new horizeons because i am very small and i have no money. but i HAVE been playing new leaf.

How are you feeling?

eh, okay, i guess.

Who’s the last person you texted?

my sister

What does your last text message say with no context?

right lmao, fucking sammy

Post a meme that made you laugh recently!

i hope this counts

Outdoor activity you’d like to do right now?

i... don’t do outdoor activities.

Something you’re looking forward to when quarantine is over?

going to the movies with my mom

Someone you’d like to see when quarantine is over?

my mom, lmao

Any new games coming out you want to play?

not really? i don’t think so...

New shows you’ve discovered?

i mean it was like a month ago, but i am not okay with this. if that counts? and also, if i can count locke and key even though i haven’t watched it yet?

Most comfortable piece of clothing you have?

probably my shane dawson hoodie