#also kinda feel like i shouldnt be feeling like this
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some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace
extras below the cut
sketch
closeups on my favorite panels
bonus: adios
#doodles#kingdom hearts#roxas#axel#olette#aromantic#asexual#aroace#do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel#ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you#also not tagging soriku and namixi#i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so#anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette#i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette#so let me clarify about this comic#im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before#im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts#thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes#im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while#anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive#sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow#this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled#drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024#btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately#schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time#i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times#alright i think thats it bye now
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actually, that new totk masterworks thing has the potential to direct my hatred somewhat away from the game and to itself instead
i have seen some early translations and while im not putting my faith into those so far like ... how can you make totk even worse, just stop!! stop! say its an AU and leave it!! its better for everyone!!
and it seems like its trying to tape botw and totk together with retcons and conflicting info, man just leave it beeeeeeeee
(like .. aside from the very concerning timeline mess they are messing with AGAIN, the thing about totk ganondorf actually being calamity gan all of the sudden??? what?? nothign in the game suggest that they are coneccted bc the damn game acts like botw didnt happen, it does everything it can to NOT connect ganondorf to clam gan and didnt they also say in an interview that they arent related?? and now its just the other way around again?? like that is making it all WORSE!!)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#i know i shouldnt just react to everything i see but like!!!!#i cant believe they are trying to “fix” it in post and with that making it all worse#as is the games a stupidly nonsensical frustrating mess#but this is just#worse#like its also shitty bc then the game tried to not connect to botw so hard and yet is still hit with the duct tape afterwards#AND it means it WAS supposed to connect but they didnt even fuckign try to do anything with it#which i dont believe honestly#again i still hold onto the idea that totk was written by someone who has no idea of any of the games or its lore#and was jsut given the basic ideas and what needs to happen in game and kinda left to it#its so genericly boring like the plot of an idle mobile game thing#man i almost feel sorry for the game now#just leave it a mediocre game and move on#stop trying to “fix” it in post be it via interviews or via someone desperately trying to invent and retcon their way out of its problems
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normal fuhrungskommando activity
bonus:
#signalis#signalis falke#signalis adler#and also kolibri but shes here for the visual equivalent to 2 seconds so i feel like i shouldnt tag her#also fun fact i wanted to make the bonus a mini comic but i couldnt get the first panel right 😔#anyways heres them properly (kinda) making out! yippee#i have a love hate relationship with drawing kisses . it makes me wanna rip my HAIR out but when i get the finished product im like woaaaah#so cool#im slowly crawling out of art block one falkler doodle at a time#myth.art#suggestive
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hello aa tumblr...i know im still missing a few obvious ones but im doing an honorific chart for all the aa characters and would really appreciate if anyone had anything to help me fill in before i turn to just. combing through the games (really do not want to do this) :) im also doing this for og trilogy so ones for that are also appreciated!
additionally if anything here is wrong do not hesitate to tell me. nahyuta's personal is the one im most unsure on i snatched that off a random article
dude i totally messed up larry i pasted him from miles by accident lmao. don’t mind that.
#ace attorney#apollo justice#athena cykes#phoenix wright#there are some im pretty sure on but i dont wanna put down until i get proper proof again LOL#i had dhurke on here initially but idk. he seems kinda silly to keep.#i feel like im also missing someone i shouldnt be
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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Love the idea of Outsider being higher but not the highest deity. And who is the highest one, you may ask me? The Void! Just the eldritch god, as old as the time itself, lonely and eager to communicate. But along with that Its only touch is deadly for mere mortals, as It's a pure havoc that will absorb the very soul of the one It's communicating with.
Corvo describes the Void as an “endless cold”, Daud says that the Void feels like “if you cried for help but no one answered”. And for them it's true but for the eldritch one it's the form of communication. A love language. It lets you roam inside freely and It expects you to let It do the same, let It roam inside of you. Cup your soul in Its improvised hands to hold just for a moment, to study, to feel your emotion, to live through your memory. To show you some love in Its term, to do the softest thing It can do!
And who knows maybe this communication was the main goal of whoever created Outsider. But as time went by, this goal was lost and forgotten. So here It is and here is Outsider, both so old and not even sure how much of them was inherently theirs and how much they have absorbed from each other.
#dishonored#the outsider#oh and the void is also here#they are chilling together#and yes voids pronouns are it/its because i said so rawr💥💥#tbh this last paragraph was meant to be more eerie than it turned out but whatever#like yk i doubt that the experiense of loosing yourself is a very pleasant one#and i kinda hc this as a main reason for DotO to happen (thanks to my dear Cy) but whatever#i just love giving emotions and feeling to things that shouldnt have them tee hee#dt (stands for doni talks)
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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okay so as a gen 5 stan who does adore the story in bw and bw2, and now that gen 5 has experienced both a vicious hatedom that wouldnt hear a single positive thing about the games, and now a super protective fandom that insists they were perfect and had zero flaws... can we admit now that the bw1 story at least was. a little mid.
#just a little. just a little.#i am saying this as someone who adores it and loves the characters a lot#...... but good god team plasma kinda sucks ass as an evil organization#bw2 is sorta better about them with the split factions but in the first game theyre so obnoxious and come across as strawmen#the game talks about how the world is nuanced and not black and white and its not good to take extreme sides#but then. it sorta does that with the protagonists? by refusing to talk about abused pokemon that werent hurt by team plasma?#obviously they are wrong. the game hammers it in with a mallet. but is it really nuanced if our stance is ''ha ha thats silly''#and yeah groups like plasma exist irl but like. as someone who cares abt animal rights and stuff a lot. i feel like they fumbled it here#the answer shouldnt have been ''well ig some pokemon get hurt. we wont talk about them though. watch the grunt kick a munna''#it shouldve been about animal welfare. like maybe instead of becoming assistant professor; bianca couldve become a nurse joy#or she couldve joined some organization that rescues and rehabilitates pokemon from abusive trainers. maybe the reformed plasma from bw2#and before someone goes ''erm its a kids game they cant do that :/ thats too complicated'' first of all- the anime showed a malnourished te#tepig#kids can handle a bit of text next to a skittish lillipup thats like ''its scared of humans'' or something and its being cared for by someo#someone''#plus the side games were tackling much heavier shit at this point#also again they were apparently fine with a grunt kicking a munna and bragging about how he loves doing that so.#like even as a kid i felt like that scene was really over the top and stupid#team plasma feels less like an attempt to do commentary on harmful animal rights ideas that lead to ecofascism and dont care abt the animal#true needs#and more like gamefreak read a lot of obnoxious critical pokemon posts like ''lmao training is like dogfighting'' and ''this promotes anima#abuse!'' and just made a strawman out of those people. and like i agree thats all stupid but it sorta hurts the message of the game#that the world is very nuanced and taking extremes is bad and reductive.#and this isnt getting into poor story and gameplay integration and other stuff like underutilized characters (you know exactly who i mean)#idk. again i still adore the story and have a huge soft spot for it. but i think the only reason people say its perfect is out of defensive#defensiveness and not having engaged with a ton of video game stories. and pokemon stories not being fantastic in general#like i think pla is better put together story wise than this game and its got less going on than this#echoed voice
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Day 7: Power! I wanted to draw something simple for today, especially since I took a long nap and wasted a lot of time on my computer.
prompt list here
#i feel like the quality of my csmtober art is kinda dwindling with each day#like it has started with my meal entry#i know i shouldnt worry about it since this is supposed to be fun and I shouldn't worry about the quality of my work#but i want to do better#also a small note about the “what you'll get under power's administration”#it's just supposed to be some random ass stuff#idk if power's willing to put in the effort but i feel like she'll try to cater to what people want from a president#and then when she gets elected she'll start raising taxes and discriminating against the most common demographic in her country#csm#chainsaw man#chainsaw man part 1#chainsaw man fanart#csm power#power hayakawa#csmtober#chainsawtober
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one thing i find really difficult about navigating the IF space is the direct line of contact between readers and authors. we share the same space, and i think that plays a big part in this weird blurred line we have in this community and overall lack of boundaries.
for a lot of people this is a fun hobby and while i personally try to keep it... semi-professional most of the time, it's easy to get wrapped up in having fun on tumblr (or the forums, or reddit, wherever it is that you mainly post/interact) and have a lot of personal interactions with both readers and authors alike - which is fun! i like it more often than not, but i also think that's why a lot of comments in this space can end up being really entitled, over-familiar, and inappropriate.
it's no secret that most authors get really weird messages on here, and while this is also a problem on social media at large and not just specific to IF tumblr, it is still definitely a big problem in this community.
and to be clear i'm not saying that you can't be friendly with authors or readers (i've become friends with a handful of readers myself) and i definitely don't mean to imply that there needs to be a huge divide between us; that's silly - again, most authors are readers, most readers are authors, we’re just people on the internet sharing the same space. but all of us deserve to have our boundaries respected. this is my story, and we are strangers. as a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn't say it out loud to someone you just met, you probably shouldn't be saying it to a stranger online. especially anonymously.
#i also think this is why some criticisms get so messy in this space as well#authors should not always be in the same space as the readers/reviewers#and readers shouldnt be able to directly @ authors with their extremely negative reviews esp when it's subjective#(‘’i hate this’’ as opposed to pointing out genuinely harmful content or other criticism)#for everyone's sake#& on a kinda related note: speaking as someone who has been receiving targeted harassment for *checks watch* over two years now#some people really need to reevaluate the way they interact with certain media#i think IF feels very personal due to the interactivity and the customization of the mc#but not everything is written for you. and it's fine to just not like something#without sending weird harassing anonymous messages for 2 years straight to a stranger on the internet. lol#honestly criticism is another can of worms and that's not really what i'm talking about here#but i do think that's also part of the entitlement and overfamiliarity as well#so imo it's connected a little bit. something to think about#at the end of the day my advice to other authors about this is to know your limits and know when you need to extract yourself#and know that you don't have to respond to every ask#especially if it makes you uncomfortable#and im definitely not trying to sound like the authority here this is something i've struggled with as well#like i said it is hard to navigate#and authors can be guilty of this too. wanting to defend yourself or insert yourself into conversations where you shouldn't#i've done that myself#and i've also had other authors i dont know be way overly familiar with me in the past#all of this is just an unfortunate part of online community i think. but im trying to be more mindful about it#anyways. this post brought to you by the weird messages in my and my friends' inboxes lately#i just think you should not be telling authors about pesonal bodily functions in anonymous asks#as an example. lol#personal
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animal jam is great as long as you dont find out about the racism
#guess who found out about the racism#tbf idk why it took me so long. genuinely i thought ppl were just unaware#as opposed to being culturally appropriative knowingly & simply not caring#i know its just a video game but doesnt it make it worse then if you are unwilling to avoid using a literally racist item#the justifications i have heard for trading or wearing it are INSANE#and also proof that even in a video game appropriation can do damage like. oh my god?#in case it wasnt clear im talking about headdresses in animal jam. You know.#the item removed bc it was appropriative#but golly gee gosh its rare guys. better trade it and wear it to prove ur rich#also somebody got passive aggressive with me in an aj based disc server when i pointed out it was appropriative#“you cant control people” im not trying to im asking that they stop being racist#also yes its just a video game but its a popular one and i would fully argue it is teaching ppl to ignore their actions if it benefits them#then again ig i shouldnt be shocked there#game with rampant hacking and scamming also has a tendency to teach players to benefit regardless of consequence?#who couldve predicted this#animal jam#vent#<- i guess?#it feels kind of dumb to vent about animal jam of all things tbh#but also. like. idk its a beloved childhood game#and im allowed to be kinda disappointed that so many ppl on aj are willing to be mildly racist
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Yea idk how I haven't shared them here yet but here's some doodles of Tabitha and "Apathy" (she ain't got a name yet), the two protags of my ghost story!
Grieving after the sudden loss of her grandmother, Apathy accidentally becomes bound to the spirit of Tabitha, a young girl who was murdered in the 1870s. Stuck together in unfamiliar circumstances, the two must discover how to send Tabitha on to the afterlife, and if they even can.
UPDATEEEEEEEEE Apathy's name is Naomi :)
#i draw tabitha all cheery usually but she has a very very rough time at the start#very vengeful and confused and inconsolable and angry#as one would be if they were murdered#the first drawing was a couple months ago but the last drawing was from maybe like a year and a half ago?#so they look a lil different#i change their designs slightly every time i draw them lol#but yea i imagine this as an animated series!#its a love letter to the PNW (my home baybey) as well as like. my attempt to utilize the vehicle of horror for character exploration#if u know i love midnight mass and haunting of hill house then the mike flanagan jumps out immediately lmao#tabitha bennett#naomi evans#ghost girl story#i dont have a name for any of my stories either#i thought maybe of calling it 'mortis operandi'#but idk what their usual way of doing things would be to make the modus operandi part of the title make sense lol#also the tagline would be something like 'life after death for those who have lost someone and those who were lost'#so then i thought of calling it something like 'those who were lost' but ghosts are kinda a rarity in this universe so#it feels like that shouldnt be the focus of the title#idk im REALLY bad with titles#i think the character writing for these lil dudes that currently only exists in my brain is some of the best ive done tho#grabs u by the shoulders: talk to me about the irony that tabitha teaches apathy how to feel alive again despite being the one who's dead#my art#ocs
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Dude I need to be someone else
#sucks to say but I genuinely cannot envision myself getting into another relationship no matter how bad I want one -__-#everyone even the gays here are so normal and I’m so not . and I’m also completely undesirable. WHAT IS THE POINTTTTT#I keep sabotaging my own life by avoiding everything ever but the only thing worse than that is actually doing things#doing things makes me feel even worse like I’m sooo broken beyond repair . and the worst is that at least as a teenager I could count on#someone kinda just latching onto me. how I made all my friends. but obviously adults don’t and SHOULDNT HAVE TO do that. but still sucks fo#me 😭 I feel unfixable I’m too socially inept to exist#the only way to get out of this is by making myself uncomfortable over and over but god I feel like I need divine intervention before I#actually get anywhere. guys I’m hopeless 🤦#being desired on the internet DOES NOT COUNT you guys don’t know me like that. don’t even start .. LMAO
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Not to sound incredibly pretentious but I am genuinely concerned with how "strong visual aesthetic" is becoming conflated automatically with "good movie". Like the nightmare scenario is that movies just look pretty while saying absolutely nothing
#vio.rant#yes this is about barbie#like literally what did it truely say about feminism#like what did it contribute? that people should be a person outside of their gender? that there are double standards for women??#and THAT is radical and groundbreaking????? like it was a fun movie but it did not get snubbed lmao#it just was mattell's pr movie that quoted literally every canva hashtag instagram feminism graphic out there#like greta gurwig is a good director this was just not her best work at all. same goes for margot robbie#like sorry i just was not tuned into barbie's story arc at all.#also im just keg got a nom because it was. just the best song in the movie? both story incorporation wise and writing#ive always kinda felt that they uh prolly shouldnt have given ken the only musical number in a movie about barbie but eh thats what they did#but yeah. i feel like people only like it bc its v pretty (which. the set design is INCREDIBLE) but thats not the same as a good movie yunno#maybe thats just where cis people are in terms of gender theory which. that is unfortunate
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just after i crawled my way out of that 'art-low' and i got myself excited to work on the rough draft for chapter2- i suddendly just crash and burn again bc i cant get the thought out of my head that im not a good writer either actually and my ideas are comically boring
do i really have to fight my own brain over and over again for the rest of my life (ㆆ_ㆆ)
#ganondoodles talks#random#i dont want to keep sounding so self pitying#sometimes i can fight these feeling#but sometiems it just feels like you just realized the truth about yourself#so fighting that is just lying to yourself#and i feel like im being so ungrateful everytime i feel like shit#bc i know there are people that like what i do#and just bc there are people that are better at everything that im doing or aspiring to do doesnt mean im useless#BUT IT ALSO FEELS LIKE IM WASTING MY TIME#even thoguh funnnily enough i wouldnt even know what WOULDNT be a waste of time bc ......#i dont ... have anything else#if you take away art and writing theres nothing left of me#kinda not surprising then that i keep accidentally tying my feeling of worth to the receiption of what i post#................ and losing followers in the hundreds on twitter espeically doesnt exactly help#though that is mostly bc im rting a ton of info about palestine and tbh idk if i would want people following me that are zionists or simila#still feels bad#AND I KNOW WHAT MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME IS WRONG OR IT SHOULDNT MATTER#but it still feels real#im so tired of fighting myself
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anyways i care abt wtnv as a person who lives in a small town and is queer bc Yes Its Terrible but its My Home and i love it despite how much i fucking hate it and how much i wish it could change . Like Odifgtghhgjgj ALSO. with strexcorp and how many "outsiders" are coming into small towns to get away from city life Unknowingly Bring That City Life With Them and ruining the culture of the small towns And Also Capitalism Bad . like yeah they were so fucking right abt thatactually .
#ik im prolly beating. a dead horse BUT. im watching rodeo stadiums and farmland be replaced by Suburb Number 68#and idk i feel like the strexcorp arc kinda touches on that a bit. BC YES wtnv is a dangerous place and its filled with terrible horrible#things . but its also filled with wonderful and beautiful terrors and people who care about the town And Yes Sometimes Things Do Need To#Change For The Better but that shouldnt come at the cost of the culture of the town [<-NOT saying i adore the normalized homophobia here#but as ive said there r things that i kinda adore abt this town despite it. ]#and when the Damaging Change Came the town fought back . They fought back together and won BECAUSE they fought together as a community .#and it matters so much to me bc maybe theres a future where this stupid hateful terrible beautiful wonderful town still has farms and rodeo#grounds and small hiking areas and the spot down by the river where the sunlight looks golden and the full night sky and the snow that#covers the mountain and and and . Anyways im having emotions#welcome to nightvale#welcome to night vale#wtnv
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