#also it’s 2:30 am and i am just getting in bed
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writing this so fast because if i dont ILL FORGET IT PLEASE
(insp by that super SEXY IMAGE posted by @simonz-angel !!)
bzzt.
your eyes jolt open at the sudden feeling of your phone buzzing, the vibration under your pillow prompting a soft, groggy groan from your lips.
you’re not sure what time it is, but when you open your eyes, it’s still dark outside. riley, your retired bomb-sniffing german shepherd, is still fast asleep at the foot of the bed. and your two little kitties are seemingly no where to be found.
you finally roll over, the time on your little bed stand alarm clock reading 2:28 AM. ‘who the hell is texting at 2 in the damn morning??’ you wonder with another groan, this time an annoyed one. although one person pops in your mind. specifically, a big beefy man, who is currently out on deployment. your annoyance washes away instantly.
you can’t help the giddy smile that spreads across your face just at the thought of him. simon riley. your big beefy man.
he’s been gone for a little under a week now, although its felt like years. the same as it always does. you miss your warm, brick wall of a man! you’re currently bundled under three different blankets, and its still not the same! you miss his big, plush pecks and biceps that feel like pillows under your head, the rough skin of the burn scar across the entire right half of his torso that you could just run your tongue over for the rest of your life, and just don’t get me started on that tattoo sleeve.
of course.. you also just miss him. the way he yells at riley then immediately feeds him a treat because he feels bad, the way he looks at you when he finally does arrive back from his harrowing work, the way he whispers sweet nothings into your ear when he thinks you’ve drifted off.
simply put, you miss your simon.
you’re brought out of your thoughts when riley stirs at the end of the bed, a soft giggle escaping your lips as the dog lies on his back with his tongue flopped out and each of his limbs in the air, like a possum playing dead.
you decide to finally open the message, although that small pit of worry is in your stomach, as it always is when you receive a message from him.
is he hurt?
did something happen?
please be okay.
the same thoughts always run through your mind when you get these random texts, but as soon as you open the chat, your mind instantly freezes. well.. maybe blanks is a better word.
there’s no caption, no words. just a single image attached. and holy shit, is it better than anything you could’ve asked for.
he looks to be lying in his bed, the familiar military-approved white sheets tucked in neatly behind him. the camera is angled high above himself, and it looks as if he still has his gloves on. you can also see the waistline of his pants, and of course that sexy mask (you could bust just from thinking about it), and the dogtags you were just wearing when you bounced up and down on his cock, but.. thats it. he’s completely shirtless.
his muscular, toned abs and pecks are fully on display. for you. only for you. his beefy biceps are on either side of the frame, and that tattoo sleeve you remember tasting just a week ago is sitting deliciously in view. the way his shoulders barely fit in frame, the way the muscle connecting his shoulders up to his neck sits so perfectly high, the way his collarbones. THE WAY HIS V-LINE.
god.. and his scars? you can remember leaving a rather large hickey over that old bullet hole. giggling over the stab wound stretching over his ribcage. licking a stripe all the way from his v-line to his shoulder over the jagged skin of his burn scar. although there is a new one, one you can only presume he got in the last week. no matter, it will be tasted as soon as he gets home.
you end up staring at the picture for a good ten minutes (12, but who’s counting?) before you actually respond. you.. really aren’t sure what to say. it’s not uncommon for him to send images while hes out on deployment, but at 2:30? on a random tuesday? he must be horned up.
but you can’t just leave your man hanging! so.. you decide with a simple text.
> oh
you can already imagine the deep chuckle as he reads the message, the way he’d palm over his painfully tight bulge just thinking about you before unbuttoning his pants, his hard and leaking cock springing up against his lower abdomen and his big, veiny hand wrapping around it-
obviously, you’re feeling the same as he is, considering just how quickly you rush riley out of the room (don’t worry, he’ll get a treat later to make up for it) and plop back down in bed, your phone in one hand as the other lazily circles over your clit.
like i said, you miss your simon.
and you’ll definitely be getting him back for that little tease.
tumblr STOP DELETING PARAGRAPSH WHEN I TRY TO SPSCE THEM. hi i wrote this within like thirty minutes at 3 in the morning and its not proofread so.. enjoy!
ft a lil msg 😜 (BCZ WTF WOULD YOU RESPOND TO THAT my hand would be PREOCCUPIED)
#mortem posts ✮⋆˙#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#cod#ghost cod#simon riley#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x you#call of duty#cod modern warfare#i want him#i want his babies#i want this man#would let him eat me out#this would fix me
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How to get your life together: Student edition ᯓᡣ𐭩
Mindset
As cliche and redundant as it sounds, it's important to be positive, as well as realistic, about your academic life. Understand what you want to achieve, what you're capable of, how to effectively push yourself and how to rest. This is the recipe for success.
2. Goal setting
Bouncing off of the mindset step, focus on what it is your want to achieve in your academic life. Be very specific with these goals. Understand and set your yearly goals, quarterly goals, as well as monthly and weekly goals. This will help you plan your days and have a realistic sense of time in terms of how much work needs to be done in certain subjects, how much rest can be had, and how often breaks should be taken.
3. Discipline & self understanding
Understanding who you are as a person and how you learn, process, and retain information can help you effectively practice self discipline.
Questions to ask yourself:
+ What type of learning style do I have?
+ What time of day do I work best in?
+ What environments do I work best in?
+ Are digital or physical notes more comfortable and effective to me?
+ Have I established a pleasant relationship with my instructors and at least one peer in all of my classes?
+ What subjects am I strongest in?
+ Do I learn best in a group environment, one on one, or reviewing notes independently?
+ Am I easily distracted when studying? If so, by what, and can these things be easily prevented?
+ What are specific triggers (if any) that help me get "in the zone?"
+ When are my typical rest days, or times of the week/month/year that I like to rest (no work at all, or very light reviewing)?
4. Daily schedule
Now, create a schedule around your answers to the previous questions and make certain tasks "non-negotiable." (Whether this be "I must brush my teeth and shower after waking up," or "I must study from 6-10 every night," is your decision.) Be realistic with setting these non-negotiable tasks, but also believe in yourself, and try and push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. You know what you're capable of, and if you want to achieve something you feel you're just not ready for, practice,- and build up your stamina!
Things to always include in your daily schedule:
+ Wake up time
+ Getting ready/ commute time
+ At least two meal times
+ At least an hour of leisure time
+ At least seven hours of sleep a night
+ Do your homework the day it is assigned
+ Give yourself a daily reward
Things to always include in your montly schedule:
+ At least one date with friends or family
+At least one date with your significant other
+ At least one phone call with long distance loved ones
+ At least one study date a week with peers or friends
+ At least a certain time during a certain day of the week to completely unplug and rest
+ Read the syllabus and log every important deadline and exam
Other useful tips:
+ Keep your workspace tidy, inspiring and organized
+ Changing the scenery when you work can be a nice change of pace
+ Breaking big tasks down into smaller chunks can feel less overwhelming
+ Plan meals ahead or small snacks so you won't feel hungry/forget to eat
+ Use materials that are effective and fun for you
Studying time frames:
Study time - Break time
20 min - 5 min
30 min - 10 min
45 min - 15 min
1 hr - 20 min
1hr 30 min - 25 min
2 hr - 30-45 min
When should you study?
+ Never the night before
+ Exam - 1 week before
+ Test - 3 days before
+ Study first thing when you awake
+ Review complicated concepts before bed
#academic validation#academic weapon#studyblr#student life#dark academia vibes#studying#coffee#studytips#study tips#study blog#study aesthetic#study modivation#books and libraries#study notes
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just a few more days till our fall baby is here <3
#ts4 screenshots#ts4 gameplay#current#ts4 legacy#ts4 family#reshade#kibo household#ts4#am i trying to film a mini machinama for the intro of my next ep#well yes#gonna take abt five years#also it’s 2:30 am and i am just getting in bed#FUCKKKK i’m screwed for next week
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anyway yeah fr i miss ordo theoritas. i miss the theory crafting i miss the hugeass meetings before/after Big Lore Event to brief/debrief everyone involved i miss the chaos and confusion and laughter and teamwork. i miss the cellbit, bad, and phil (key-keepers my beloveds) being the heads of the ordo working together to untangle the mysteries to the island. they were hardly ever on at the same time bc schedules and time zones (WAILS) but in my head they had so many late nights down in the evidence rooms like this
just. yeah. yeahh.
#qsmp#ordo theoritas#qsmp philza#qsmp cellbit#qsmp badboyhalo#i might have a fic idea but rn it’s just archivists bc they live in my head rent free#also im not too comfortable writing bad bc (1) i don’t watch him as much and (2) his lore is like?? so complicated??#as an outside viewer its pretty intimidating lol#it’s the vibe of late night working w your friends on a project/lab/whatever slowly losing your minds tying to figure it out#it’s 2:30 am you’ve been talking in circles the theories are getting more out there but ya don’t rly care bc hey it’s Something#and then someone says smthn that’s just like Woah. wait Actually?? and it kicks you all back into gear to get you chugging along again#anyway i miss them i go sleepies now gnnnn#dont mind me im just rambling#god so much for me going to bed at a decent hour lmao
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monday quest is to order the couple of supplies i need for a project. this is challenging to me because it combines 2 things that melt my brain: 'online shopping' and 'deciding between similar but subtly different things'. HOWEVER i can do it!!! and it will be fun to make things when they arrive >:) side quest make a different dinner, i have got some fresh fish to try and i have never cooked with it before due to we always bought it frozen. worst thing that can happen is it doesn't agree with my health stuff and i do not cook it again 👍 i'm making it so basic style for this reason. i feel like it could be delicious!
#monday quest#i was wondering why i was feeling so crazy insane like i would explode into one million pieces and amongst the fact that i woke up#so many times in pain last night and hurt a lot today. i remembered i'm waiting on 3 prescription requests to be approved so they can#be delivered to me before i run out AND i'm going to the dr within a fortnight. so. hahahaha :P that'll do it!!!!!#also it's my birthday soon which is good and fun and i am lucky to have fun things planned but that does not stop me from being worried#that i will get a bad grade in 'having a birthday' despite there being zero precedent for that :P u know how it is with anxiety 👍 (bad :P)#goal for this week: BE REGULAR and have regular days!!! literally so possible i just need to 1) stay present in the moment.#2) keep practicing the habit of not kicking myself through the days. and 3) DO MY EVENING ROUTINE AND GO TO BED ON TIME HELLO.#<- guy who is about 20-30 crucial irreplacable minutes behind schedule voice#so on that note goodnight everybody in the world unless it's daytime in which case i hope ur having a good day
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🏨 gimme those blorbo rooms fdsfdsfsfsd, since it’s Pinterest can I ask for more than one? XD if so ima ask to Karimas and Shaheens OH and also Gideons (low key I know what valens/yazans looks like but its a good excuse for u to get to share) so if u want to Valens and Yazans wild be fun 😌
K BYEEE <3 😘
LOLL im glad you asked and yes i will give you all of them 😌😂😂
Karima: she’s obsessed with collecting room decor and she has a crochet corner, half of her decor is crocheted too honestly 😂 I think she also has a thing for animal print stuff esp curtains and pillow cases, she’d keep small ceramics stuff she made with daemon everywhere
Shaheen: idk why it was funny to imagine his college dorm lol he uses space very efficiently also his desk is very important 🧠
Gideon: his room is so big and so empty but he’s barely home so who cares, the only notable thing about it besides the diabolical toys collection on display is the display cabinet he keeps all his medals, plane models, pictures, uniforms etc in
Yazan: yazan’s room as you know is a Dumpster 😂 it’s impossible to find anything in there and it’s never tidy, also so many posters and records + ofc drum corner
Valen: very pretty but his room is an entire house in itself you need directions to where everything is 💀 Texas king bed with a canopy, mirror above bed/on ceiling, maximalist unique decor and very beautifully coordinated color wise. Also huge portraits of himself obviously lol
[OC headcanons: Picture Edition!]
#thank u for the ask bestie I had a blast heh 💗💗💗#rip I just thought about the amount of STUFF karima would have to move to her and daemon’s place FJSKAJSKSK#she’s also the type to keep a lot of crap just because they have some sentimental value to her but it’s literally just crap from#an outside perspective#I don’t think shaheen’s dorm room is that aesthetic but he does have a lot of hangers and organization stuff that sure keeps it tidy lol#yazan I think gets tidier when he gets with kiara#she’s seen the mess at its worst but yk KDJSKSJS he wouldn’t let her live like that is what I’m saying 😂#but it’s so funny that even tho she has seen the mess and sat in it that he cleans up a bit when she comes over after they started dating#he’s like shy I guess can’t invite your gf over and have your room in this state lol what if they want to kiss on the bed or something#sorry crush not gf* 😂 he’s better when he’s older fjsksjdkdj he has a vacuum cleaner obsession now#also ig when you’re gideon and you’re room is that empty you put everything you can on display to fill it#but I think he only puts up the stuff he’s proud to have on display#even if that includes your whips and ropes collection which is insane 💀#half of gideon’s stuff is at valen’s place too FRKEJAKSJ#such a waste of money on a penthouse’s rent and for what#you don’t even have a toothbrush in your own house#it’s so funny to me that he probably keeps using his travel size stuff bc he keeps forgetting to buy like#regular size toothpaste or something 😭😂#valen has been actively trying to get him to fully move in actually lol#he succeeded eventually lol#anyways I will not think about valen moving all of gideon’s clothes and things#to a closet in his dressing room and sitting with them and going through his stuff when he misses him#he’s usually hesitant about wearing them too besides a designated sweater or two so they don’t lose his scent#I will also not think about valen spraying those shirts with what’s left of gideon’s cologne or that he keeps buying it or the fact that he#gets mad when someone from the staff goes in to clean the closet or ppl he’s dated esp asking what’s in there#ok it’s 2:30 am so I’ll put myself on phone timeout now 😔#again! Ty for the ask bestie! djskskdkfj 💗💗💗#ocs#my ocs#ask
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Logan and Max have another talk, or 'does kissing count as free therapy?' Part 2 of whatever this was. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of how hard I kept thinking about these two. I blame @girlsdads for giving me the brainrot in the first place.
cw: the tiniest bit of implied sexual content
It's another bad race. Fucking 16th, only ahead of the two Saubers, and of the Haas and Alpine that had crashed each other out. There was no reason why his pit stop had to be 4.3 seconds, when Alex's had been 2.7, no reason why he had been fucked over by not one but two undercuts because of shitty strategy, no reason why Alex's side of the garage had to be celebrating 8th place while his was sullen and quiet.
Logan fears he's going to throw up when he steps in and James claps him on the shoulder, saying sorry, next time, as if Logan doesn't know his contract is on the line. Fucking. Next time?!
Logan feels like he's trying to swim with his hands tied behind his back, desperately trying to make it to shore. Nobody cares he's drowning.
He can barely look up during the debrief, feels like he's choking the whole time on the words nobody is saying. As soon as he's free, he escapes, fumbling for his phone as usual. Only this time, he doesn't call his mom.
Are you free?
Max has his motorhome this weekend, and Logan doesn't wait for an answer before heading over. If he doesn't answer, he'll just take a walk.
Yes come over
He's knocking on Max's door before he can rethink it, before all these feelings catch up on him and he decides he's going to break down alone instead. When Max opens his door, Logan immediately regrets it. He's wearing a black t-shirt, hair styled, looking ready to go out. Of course he's heading out, he has a win to celebrate. Unlike Logan. Who should have just gone home.
He opens his mouth, ready to apologize and turn around, when Max's hand closes on his shoulder, his mouth downturned with what would be worry, if it wasn't absurd for Max Verstappen to be worried about him.
"Come in," Max says, doesn't leave space for arguments when he pulls Logan inside, closing the door behind him.
For a long moment they just look at each other, as Logan's waves lap at his neck. He doesn't know why he's here anymore.
"Are you okay?" Max's hand is still on his shoulder. Logan feels like he'll keel over if he takes it back.
"I might be out of a seat."
It's not an answer to Max's question, it's not even what Logan meant to say, it's not something he should be telling to the competition, but really. Logan is barely Max's competition at all, and who wouldn't know that after this season's disaster? Nobody is counting on him to race next year.
He waits for Max to say something, even if it's just empty platitudes, but the other just squeezes his shoulder and nods, and suddenly it's much harder to hold back his tears.
"I just..." he breathes in, willing his voice to not crack, "I don't know what I am doing wrong."
It comes out more desperate than he meant it to, but he's just so tired and upset, and nobody is seeing him drown. Why is nobody paying attention?
"You have a shit car, get bad strategy calls, and have a teammate with years more of experience. You are not the one doing it wrong."
Max says it so matter of fact, as if he's the one driving the shit car, the one with the better teammate, the one having to fight through the back of the field with no success, and suddenly Logan is angry. He shrugs Max's hand away, fists clenching. What does Max know about being the second driver in a bad team? How dares he say he knows Logan's hunger?
"Fuck off," he spits, wrapping his arms around himself to hide the way his hands are trembling. He shouldn't have come.
"You have potential, you are not doing it wrong," Max says again, stubborn and bull-headed as always, jaw set and eyes clear. Logan's anger spikes again. Max Verstappen, the prodigy child, talking to him about wasted potential? This must be a joke. He scoffs, ready to turn around and leave, but Max grabs him again, gets a hold on his elbow and keeps him where he is.
"Why are you angry?" he asks. And yeah, this must be a joke, for sure. Why is Logan angry? Why is he angry?!
"You don't get to..." he starts, but Max interrupts him, squeezing his elbow.
"No. Why are you angry?"
"The team..."
Max takes a step closer, narrowing his eyes.
"Not the team, I do not care about the team. Why are you angry?"
As if there was a right answer to the question that Logan isn't getting! It's his own anger! And Max doesn't care about the team? Of course he doesn't, it's not his team fucking up! Why can't Logan be angry about the team?!
"Alex gets..."
"No. Why are you angry?" Max interrupts again, steadfast in a way that grates on Logan's nerves.
They're too close now, and for a second Logan entertains the idea of punching three times world Champion Max Verstappen. Anger burns in his chest, and suddenly, without knowing who closed the gap, they're kissing. It's not a nice kiss, all teeth and spit, and it almost feels the same as the punch he hasn't thrown, until Max moves his hand from his elbow to his waist, the other one coming up to cup the back of his neck, turning his head slightly. Gentling him.
His anger is back in his lungs, but it's no longer anger, it's back to salt water, and Logan is drowning again. He breaks the kiss, gasping, but Max doesn't let him go.
Logan doesn't remember the last time someone held him like this, like being here matters.
"Why are you angry?" Max asks again, breath soft against Logan's bitten lips. He smells vaguely like minty toothpaste.
"Because..." he hesitates, but at this point he might as feel say fuck it, and give it all. All his fleshy insides in Max's hands, bleeding on the floor between them. "Because I could do better, but I can't do it like this."
This time Max nods. "You could do better."
And Logan knows his parents and friends have said it before, have kept saying it for years. Knows his time in Formula 2 speaks for itself. But it's different, to have Max say it like that, so surely. It's a different kind of validation, and a different kind of heartbreak, because they both know his time to prove it is running out. It's hard to breathe again.
"It is good to be angry. It makes you want to take it," Max says, maybe mistaking the way his breathing has gone funny. But Logan doesn't feel angry anymore. He's tired, and scared, and lonely. He drops his head on Max's shoulder, who moves to card his fingers in his hair, bearing his weight with ease. Logan wishes anything would come easy to him instead.
"I don't know how to be angry," Logan confesses. He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to disappoint Max, but he disappoints better than he lies anyway. What's one more person.
"That is of course still okay," Max says, instead of some sort of rebuke Logan is expecting. For a second, he thinks about the stories of Max's childhood, of angry men and steel hands. Max's fingers are gentle in his hair.
"What do you want right now?"
It's too big of a question. Logan wants his seat to be safe, he wants to end in the points, he wants a good car, he wants to not feel so distant from everyone else, he wants to go home. He wants someone to tell him it will be alright and mean it.
He shakes his head, forehead dragging against Max's t-shirt. Disappointing again.
Max holds his hair a little tighter, uses the grip to pull Logan up, to make him open his eyes.
"What do you need?"
And it's the same, but it is different, and Logan needs...he needs...
"You can take it. What you need." Max sounds so sure of it, Logan can almost believe it. Maybe Logan doesn't know how to take, doesn't know how to fix it, but here, now, he at least knows what he needs.
"I need to be better," he says, words bleeding out from his split-open chest. "I need to be good."
They both know what Logan means, because the thing with Max is, that it's always about racing, even when it isn't, and it is also always both at the same time.
Max nods, letting go of his hair, and Logan pushes him around, back against the door. Gentle, because he needs to be, but firm, because he wants this.
He eases himself to his knees, and feels Max's hand cup his cheek. His raspy voice isn't disappointed, or pitying, or even sad when he speaks, only fond. A little proud.
"Good boy."
#this was written incoherently at 4:30 am on my phone in bed and then fixed up today idk if the ending makes sense#i hope it is still okay once again the logan/max fog took over me i take no responsibility for this#also i am more or less unable to write smut unless the stars are aligned or some shit im just a little ace baby so thats what you get sorry#if its bad just tell me and i will delete it and die in shame <3#logan/max#i really think we should find them a ship tag if somebody has ideas or knows the 'official' name let me know#my writing#maybe i will post a screenshot of the first draft of this i wrote last night because its just funny kdjfnkjds#fun fact 1: in my head maxiel has kissed during fights before so max is just doing what he knows here#fun fact 2: the ones behind logan in this race are 77 24 10 20 because why not dksnfkjds#max never smiles or shrugs in this whole thing im a SHAM#btw i have shown INCREDIBLE restraint by waiting for a reasonable hour to post instead of just posting it when i was done#it could have meant rethinking this to death and deleting it all#fuck it we ball i guess
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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Those memes that are like 'Do NOT ask me to do anything after 8 PM because I will say no.'... Brother, bump that up to maybe 4 or 5 PM maybe and you would have me.
#personal#Signs I should not be an adult at all. Like I want to be HOME at dinnertime so I can relax right after.#I know I keep reiterating it but having to be at work and BEING at work when it's still pitch black outside doesn't help.#At my earliest I start at 3 AM now. At my latest? 5 AM.#Getting off at 2 PM is nice I suppose but I'm so TIRED after work.#Oh also it doesn't help that the sun fucking sets at those two times in the next few coming months now...#Like if it's dark out? My mind is just automatically like 'Oh it's bed time!' and it's fucking 4:30 PM.... 4:30!
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I will make any sort of sacrifice for art
#day three of unrelenting headache (from too much screentime presumably)#so i'm kind of very dying but there's no way that will stop me from finishing all 30 drawings#especially since knowing me i otherwise would have spent that time scrolling social media anyways#so at least i can get something tangible and fun and something to be proud of out of this#trying to do 2 drawings a day now so that i can have it all finished a bit early and it's in fact a comittment but i somehow AM managing#this might not seem like a big deal but this is coming from someone who hasn't made a single full piece of drawing in many years#so to be able to sit down and finish something EVERY day... would have been a completely absurd thought just a couple months ago#when i'm done with all the drawings i want to put them together and print them and display them somewhere#afterwards i will also either: draw much more bcs practice and it becomes easier#OR be so fed up with it that i never draw again. ofc hoping for the first option#going to bed now and hoping that i don't pass out tomorrow#goosepost
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I was looking up drug interactions for a friend only to find out for the fifth time (forgor) that we still don't know how Tylenol works. We have guesses! Very educated guesses! But the actual mechanism of action is a mystery. That's pretty fucked up I think. It feels wrong. We should know this by now!!!!!!
#t#magic is real and it is in how substances just do things to you#exhibit 1: Tylenol#exhibit 2: lithium#how do they work? we don't know. they just work.#anyway. Tylenol can be taken safely with opoids and nsaids. for anyone else who might need to know.#also the pharmacist confirmed my suspicion that if you're prescribed nsaids post op you should take them even if you're not in pain#because they're anti-inflammatory and that helps with wound healing#I've never needed to know because I've never had a surgery#but i Wondered#going to bed at 7pm now because I've had 4-5 hours of sleep for the last 5 days and i had to get up at 6 am today but woke up at 5:30 am#because a blister burst on my foot and the pain woke me before my alarm but i hate waking with my alarm because i always feel groggy#for like 2 hours after waking up and i prefer waking naturally even if i wake half an hour before my alarm after 4 hours of sleep#thank you foot blister. for hurting.#anyway. zzzzz.
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I don't want to get off my phone I don't want to stay on my phone I don't want to pump gas I don't want to do deliveries I don't want to get ready for bed I don't want to write anything of substance I don't want to create I don't want to not create I don't want to be here I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to move I don't want to stay still my brain and body seem to simply want to sit here and Yearn
#is this like a shutdown i think we're having a shutdown#cuz like#we're not experiencing the pain of the overwhelm#but that's because we're dissociating really bad#like am i blitz are we blurry have we been in this parking lot for hours#why can't i just do anything but type#we're just sitting here numb and unmotivated#vent#i guess#tagging in case as always#idk man#“get a hobby” we have several#“get a life” we have. one but we have to share#“get a job” 2 jobs going on possibly 3 next month ok im starting to understand#we are indeed having to face a future and have no solid Plans yet#i thought getting our biggest worry out of the way now that my cat is w a trusted friend would help#but everything else is at the Forefront of our mind now whoops!!#ironically it would be better if we just. cane up w a plan#but noooo sensory overload from our own fucking chatter#allllll dayyyyyy#fuckkkkk#we're probably gonna go to bed lol i can try again tomorrow#we're ok just. we “shouldn't be” if that makes sense lol#if we're going to be a wreck i wish i could at least provess it#like it's worse than emotional denial i straight-up don't have access to said emotions rn#“don't underestimate my capacity to not wanna” type shit sjfhhshsh#oh also we need to eat dude come on#dont want to do that either but alas we need nutrients to live#at least we like living!#usually lmao also i did it (apparently) i reached 30 tags. thank u tumblr i love yapping
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#basically having a mid distance relationship because my partner is living on the other end of the city#best case it takes us 1 hour to get to each other#worst case is 1 1/2 hours#shit sucks ass#he works really close to be my home#but he gets off work at ass o clock for me#he ususally gets off at 8pm#i have to go to bed 9pm to get up at 5:30 / 6 am the next day#he also has to work on saturdays and only gets them off like once maybe twice a month#i'm sick rn and i just wanna cuddle with him#horgh#he came over today because its his free day but i wont be seeing him until next week on saturday#probably#sometimes i just stop by after i finish work
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What is it that makes period pain so debilitating. In terms of pain i would probably rate the pepper grinder falling from the top shelf right on my foot the same as the pain rn, but i only ever get knocked out from this particular pain
#fucking hell#i mean i get periods affect more than just my foot and i mean that did hurt so much i thought it was broken and like i was gonna throw up#first lol. but i could like still get back to work and do whatever? also the back pain i sometimes get is arguably just as strong#but I tend to just ignore it? this? this is always a question of 'man am i gonna make it the 1.5 meters from my bed#to the bathroom or would i pass out on my way there#also IT'S ALL CONSUMING#everything from the waist down is in pain#my feet! what's with that shit?! everytime!#(sorry i need to Scream into the void otherwise i Cry! also me making rant posts actually means it's not that bad rn#if it was super bad I wouldn't be able to do that lol)#anyway#it's almost 2:30 now#i took more pain killers like 45mins ago so i hope i can maybe get up in 15 minutes so i can get some groceries#and then actually do some work on my thesis#i feel so guilty lol. pretty sure my professor doesn't care but i did agree on sending it yesterday so it's a shitty thing to not even work#on it when I'm already past the deadline. it's not like I'm getting an unreasonable amount of special treatment already#ok I'll try to keep the whining to a minimum now
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i have a football game on thursday. it's all joever
#i fucking split my fingertip open doing this dumbass fucking#glissade with a 1 1/2 on rifle#it's a total paint in the ass cause u have to catch like at the swivel ? vertical#and ANYWAYS. i missed the gun and jammed my finger into the swivel and it split a callus wide open and it hurt like shit. like it hurts so#much. i was just standing on the field running drill while actively crying for like 15 minutes#also im dehydrated since i lost my water bottle!#fun!!!! happy first week of school. to me.#ON FRIDAY I AM GOING TO GET A LITTLE TREAT SO HELP ME GOD#anyways! ow ouch owies. and i don't want to go to the game on thursday !#get to bed at like 12:30 and wake up at 5 then a full school day. EVIL#minty.txt
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Today has got to have one of the worst sleep quality I've ever gotten and that's saying something considering my vampire ass sleep schedule.
#aria rants#i slept pretty early too! i slept at 2 am! 2:30 am or smth but it was before 3 am which was sooo nice#but then i woke up at 5 am and couldnt get back to sleep again... like-- id just be lying in bed with my eyes closed#and like-- tbh i didnt mind it all thaaaat much but at the same time-- during then it felt like i was on the boundary#between being oh so sleepy and fully awake and it wasnt a great feeling at all so i wanted to just get back to sleep alrdy#AND THEN! whenever i do start drifting off to sleep it just feels like my body itself refuses to and start itching smwhr!!!#and there was even when i ended up having a small nightmare-ish dream but it wasnt even that bad but i got forced awake!!!#worst yet was when i did-- half of my limbs felt numb. like-- i think my left? arm and right? leg (it was one of each side like wtf)#just felt numbed and fatigued and also had pins and needles when my sleep position wasnt even that bad! like WTF HONESTLY
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