#ON FRIDAY I AM GOING TO GET A LITTLE TREAT SO HELP ME GOD

[peppermintsticks]

i have a football game on thursday. it's all joever

[tpwk-formula1]

lando, gluten free, red sauce, onions, chicken, gouda cheese, mozzarella, pulled pork, kale with a sprite, black tea and green tea with dessert please <3

im imagining reader working for his team and they can't stand each other but always end up in each others beds somehow, he catches her flirting w another guy and although he usually wouldn't care for some reason he gets really jealous and has to remind her he's the only one that can have her ? do w this as you wish hehe

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

gluten-free enemies to lovers red sauce rough sex onions "I saw you being a little slut" chicken "Awe, you thought I'd let you cum that easy?" gouda “Slow down? You just told me to speed up, make up your mind silly girl” mozzarella “All you ever do is bitch and complain, just fucking take it” pulled pork "God, I love when I fuck the attitude out of you" kale "I love knowing I ruined you so good you can only cum when I make you" sprite size kink black tea choking green tea doggy dessert yes served by Lando Norris

Lando x fem! reader

TW - MEAN ASF Lando, crying, choking, 2 ass slaps, creampie, ROUGH sex, honestly just all the warnings :) MDNI 18+

WC 3000+ (sorry I got really into this one!)

Y/N POV

"Lando, you have filming for Quadrant today," I remind Lando softly making him roll his eyes.

"i know my own damn schedule," Lando snapped making me roll my eyes back at him.

"Then why do you need a fucking assistant," I say while throwing my hands up in defeat.

"I don't fucking know. I thought it would be a good idea, instead, I got stuck with you," Lando snapped back making me roll my eyes and get everything together that Lando would need for the Quadrant video.

"I love to see you try and live a week without me hounding on your ass," I snap back while placing Lando's backpack by the front door so he didn't forget it while also getting his lunch together knowing he would leave without eating if I didn't do it.

"I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself," Lando snapped back making me roll my eyes.

"Okay, give me the rest of the week off. I'll be back Monday morning and if you survived then I'll quit no questions asked, but if you don't then you will learn how to respect me and not be an absolute dick to me," I tell him while pulling his food back down onto the counter no longer preparing him food.

"Deal. It's Thursday which means I only have to survive 4 days, I can manage," Lando replied back making me smile and head to the front door to leave.

"Bye, don't be scared to call when you inevitably need help," I say while exiting and heading back to my own apartment.

I spent the rest of my day relaxing and enjoying my time away from Lando knowing tomorrow was gonna be a new day and he was probably gonna call tomorrow when he realized my job wasn't useless like he always liked to claim.

It was Friday at noon and by now I would normally be with Lando planning what his next week would look like but instead, I'm laying out on a yacht with Oscar.

Oscar and I had always been close. We both started the same year and both bonded over being so young working for McLaren and further bonded when I would rant to him about how Lando was treating me.

"Hold on I'm getting a call," I sit up softly picking up my phone to see who was calling.

I showed Oscar the caller ID making both of us smirk and laugh softly.

"Couldn't even go 24 hours," Oscar mutters making me laugh a little harder before I answer the call.

"Why are you with him," Lando seethed the second I answered my phone.

"Oh, quit it Lando. Do you need me or are you just interrupting my weekend off," I snap back at him having no patience for his jealous ass.

"Get your ass back to my apartment," Lando snapped back making me roll my eyes.

"Lando if this isn't for work related issues then I will not be coming over until I am done hanging out with my friend," I reply back emphasizing the word friend.

"Y/N I swear to God if you don't get you ass to my apartment in the next hour you will lose your job," Lando said back.

"And you're gonna tell Zak what exactly? 'I want her removed from my team cause she was hanging out with Oscar and I was a jealous twat who couldn't get my dick wet.' Sounds real mature Lando Norris. I will come over later tonight," I tell him finalizing my plan before hanging up on him before he could say anything else.

"I don't understand why you won't make it official," Oscar says with a raised brow making me raise my brow mirroring his actions.

"He's inmature and doesn't know what he wants," I tell Oscar softly climbing back onto the couch so Oscar and I can continue soaking up the sun.

"I just know he's call Max to use his yacht right now to track your ass down," Oscar says with a smirk making me laugh.

"Probably," I reply honestly.

"You ever gonna put him out of his misery and become his?" Oscar asks making me think hard before answering.

"I don't know. Definitely not until he starts respecting my work," I tell Oscar softly making him nod his head.

"I think that's fair. Maybe this weekend will open his eyes to realize how much you do for him. Going above and beyond what is in your job description," Oscar replies back making me smile, happy he understands.

"Hell, I too wouldn't want to share you if you prepared my lunches, made sure I had time allotted for a break, and spent the night in my bed," Oscar says smirking at the last part making me roll my eyes.

Oscar and I had a teasing relationship closer to siblings than lovers and it was refreshing to be close with someone in this crazy life we both live.

"You're an ass for that, Piastri," I say while laughing softly.

We spent the rest of the afternoon tanning and enjoying each others calm presence before we decided to dock and head back to our individual apartments.

"Better not find out I'm gonna be an uncle in 4 to 6 weeks," Oscar says with a smirk across his face making me roll my eyes and close the door to my apartment while Oscar walks the rest of the way to his.

Lando, Oscar and I all live in the same building making it easy to have group dinners or see each other when we are getting bored or lonely.

I hadn't even been back to my own room for 5 minutes when I hear a pounding on my front door making me roll my eyes knowing it could only be one person making such a scene.

"Open the door," I hear Lando say in a sing-song voice being far more menacing than I would prefer.

"What is your damn problem," I snap when I swing open the door making Lando shove his way through the door before taking my neck into his big hands and squeezing choking me slightly while he pushes me against the door.

"I saw you being a little slut. All cuddled up with Oscar in the middle of the water," Lando says getting closer to my face and showing me just how upset he is.

"You know damn well it's not like that," I snap back getting just as angry at him.

"Do I know that though? Cause between fans spying on yall and your own snap story it looks like you were dressed into next to nothing cuddled right up to Oscar's side," Lando scoffs back squeezing my throat a bit tighter making it more difficult to breathe.

"You're ridiculous you know that," I say while gripping his wrist trying to pry his grip off of me. Lando finally releases my neck but quickly grips my hard into a death grip and yanks me through my apartment where he dumps me near the bed.

I was on the floor when Lando situates me onto my knees before he quickly pulls his pants down with his briefs leaving his hard cock to bounce freely between us.

"Don't make me fucking tell you want to do," Lando snaps when I make no move to take him into my mouth,

"You're pathetic," I mutter softly before I take Lando into my mouth. I knew he heard me when his hands were on the back of my head again pushing his whole length into my throat making me gag and instantly start to tear up.

"I'm fucking pathetic? You're the one crying on my cock less than 10 seconds after giving it to you. Bet your fucking pussy is weeping too," Lando says while holding my head in place and brutally fucking into my mouth making me repetitively take him into my mouth. Once Lando has fucked my face for a few seconds he shoves his whole length into my mouth and holding me on his cock for several seconds making me gag and cry around his cock hitting his hips trying to get away from his brutal attack.

Once Lando pulls out of my mouth I yank my head away best as possible while I gasp and cough for air.

"Not so rough," I whisper softly through my hoarse voice.

Lando just pulls me back onto his cock and starts fucking my face again. Still rough but nowhere near as rough as he had been.

“All you ever do is bitch and complain, just fucking take it,” Lando grunts while still pumping his cock into my mouth. I can feel my tears have completely soaked my cheeks and my own spit in starting to trail down the front of my neck making me look like a proper used-up whore.

"God, I love destroying you," Lando says smirking when he pulled me off his cock leaving me to heave in heavy breaths while he stared down at my ruined face.

"Look most beautiful when you're wrapped around my cock," Lando whispers with a smirk before softly biting my earlobe making me whimper at the feeling.

Lando helps me to my feet where he quickly pulls the swim suit cover I was wear off leaving me in my bikini I had been wearing. I cringed slightly when Lando was eyeing my bikini.

"Turn around," Lando says roughly making me turn in curiousity. When Lando got a view of my ass he instantly slapped it leaving a large hand print behind.

"For someone who says Oscar and you aren't more than friends you're leaving far too little for his imagination. You think sweet little Oscar could destroy your pussy even half as good as me," Lando says stepping closer to my back making me rest softly against him.

"No Lando, only you. You literally fucking ruined me for anyone else," I cry out in confession. It had been true, ever since Lando and I got involved I hadn't been able to finish with anyone but Lando. Even my trusted vibrator was now useless.

"Oh is that true?" Lando says clearly a smirk laced in his voice.

"Yes, I literally can't even make myself cum anyone," I confess in pure annoyance at the situation.

"I love knowing I ruined you so good you can only cum when I make you," Lando says while turning me back around so I can see his face.

"I hate you," I whisper back.

"That's a fucking lie and we both know it," Lando whispered back getting closer to my mouth before finishing his sentence by kissing my lips.

I whimper into the rough kiss when I feel Lando start pulling at the strings of my bikini leaving me completely bare for Lando's rough hands to continue to explore my body.

When I feel Lando's large hands grip my ass I whimper out that quickly turns into a strangled cry when he roughly lands a slap on my ass.

"That side was jealous," Lando says smirking against my lips.

Lando roughly pulls his shirt off leaving him completely naked before he roughly throws me onto the bed where I bounce a couple times before Lando is gripping onto my foot and pulling me into him where he is kneeling on the ground next to the bed.

My pussy was now at face level with Lando who wastes absolutely no time to pull my clit into his mouth and start eating me out like a starved man.

"Oh fuck Lan," I moan softly when I feel Lando slowly slip two fingers into my pussy.

"Fuck, so fucking sweet," Lando groans before standing up and towering over my body and spitting into my mouth making me gasp in shock.

"Fuck I love when you're like this," Lando groans getting back onto his knees and continuing to eat my pussy out like a starved man. When he puts his fingers back into my pussy he's not nearly as gentle this time. He quickly shoves them in finding my G-spot with no trouble and attacking it.

"Oh my god Lando," I scream out and clench around him in preparation for the orgasm I can feel building in the pit of my stomach.

"Please Lan," I moan when I can feel myself on the edge of cumming. But instead of Lando giving me permission like I thought he would he rips his fingers and mouth away ripping my orgasm away with them.

"Lando what the actual fuck," I heave sitting up slightly only to be pushed back down.

"Awe, you thought I'd let you cum that easy?" Lando says with a smirk making me want to slap him across the face. Instead I just clench my hands at my side.

"Lando please," I finally beg out when I calmed down. Lando didn't say anything he just roughly flipped me onto my stomach before he pulled me onto all fours and pushed his dick into me.

Lando gave me no time to adjust, he just quickly started fucking into my tight pussy making me whimper.

"Too big," I gasp when I finally find my voice making Lando speed up his actions on my pussy.

"You can fucking take it," Lando says snapping his hips into mine making me whimper at the hard thrusts.

Lando pulls me up by me hair so he was still fucking into me but my back was now pressed against his chest where he moves his hand from my hair to my neck and giving it a hard squeeze making my eyes tear up again from the choking.

"Close," I gasp in a stranged moan not being able to breathe fully.

"Cum on my cock," Lando roughly states making me instatly start cumming all over his cock.

"Fuck Lando," I moan through my orgasm while Lando squeezes hard on my throat completely cutting my airflow off as I'm cumming only making it that much more intense. When my orgasm ended only then did Lando release my throat making me gasp for air.

"Lando," I scream when he continues to fuck into me as I fall out of his arms and back into doggy position.

"Please Lan, it's too much," I whine losing all fight I once had in my body.

"You can take it, love," Lando tells me softly while slowing his thrusts to let me catch my breath for a second.

"So pretty all fucked out," Lando mumbles before speeding his thrusts up and continuing to fuck into my overused pussy.

"Faster," I beg when I feel another orgasm starting to build up again. This one coming in far faster and stronger than the previous one.

"Cum for me," Lando grunts when he can feel my pussy clenching for another release. I instantly cum all over his cock again barely able to hold my body up anymore. I would have completely fallen into the bed had Lando not been holding me up by the hips.

Lando continues his hard and fast thrusts even after I have come down from my orgasm making me cry out again in overstimulation.

"Slow down," I scream out only making Lando speed up.

“Slow down? You just told me to speed up, make up your mind silly girl,” Lando grunts out before sending one final thrust into my pussy before I feel his hot cum start splashing my walls letting me know Lando was cumming deep into my pussy.

"Oh Lan," I gasp and fall half onto the bed while my legs dangle over the side. When Lando was slipping out of my pussy he made sure to pull out slowly to make sure to not overstimulate me further.

"Don't leave," I gasp when I watch Lando start retreating into the bathroom making him turn around and lock eyes with me.

"I'm gonna leave you. I'm just gonna grab something to clean you up," Lando tells me softly before disappearing into my bathroom and grabbing a rag before coming back into my room and cleaning my sore pussy up softly.

"Hurts Lan," I whine when he brushes against my sensitive clit with the rough rag.

"I'm sorry," Lando mumbles sheepishly.

I feel Lando observing me while I slowly climb into bed properly getting under my covers and pulling my blanket up to my chin as I watch Lando throw on his boxers before picking up his shirt and softly placing it on me.

"Thanks," I reply softly as Lando climbs into the bed next to me.

"God, I love when I fuck the attitude out of you. Now you're sitting here all pretty and blissed out," Lando tells me softly making me smile up at him.

"I don't like the way you dismiss my work," I tell him softly finally opening up about my feelings.

"I could barely survive today, please come to work with me tomorrow," Lando says turning his body towards me so I can look at him.

"Fine, but you better start having some respect for me all the time, not just during post nut clarity," I tell him back making him blush just thinking about what just transpired between us.

"And you owe me a plan B I promised Osc he wouldn't become an uncle in 4 to 6 weeks," I tell Lando making the both of us start laughing.

"Deal, and I promise from now on I promise I'll stop being condescending and undermining you. I realized how much you really do for me. I didn't eat until dinner cause I forgot about a meeting and had no time to grab anything," Lando confesses making me smile and laugh lightly.

"Didn't even realize I was such a pain that you were feeding me too," Lando admits hiding his face in my neck due to embarrassment.

"And I wanna work on us. I wanna build a better friendship between us so one day I can make you mine," Lando says once he pulls his face from my neck.

"I would like that Lando," I admit softly before pulling his face close to mine and giving him a soft kiss.

"I wanna keep doing this though and maybe sometimes not so rough," I tell Lando making him break out into a blushing smile.

"Deal. I would love to spend my time worshipping your body," Lando tells me softly making me turn red.

[blue-jisungs]

fighting with them ♡

author's note. my very poor attempt on angst written in june 2023 LMAOOOOO enjoy!! (do not ask me why am i posting it now, i dont know either.)

making up after a fight - here !

┆彡 CHAN [ 찬 ]

chan couldn’t put a finger on it but there was something going on with you lately. from all of the people in the world he knew the best how life can get overwhelming sometimes. you were there for him during his hardships of being an idol… and a human being, in general.

and clearly, you were going through something too. but you didn’t say a word and even seemed to avoid him.

you arrived home late at night on one friday, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. chris is probably… working. so you you can easily sneak into your bedroom without him noticing you, right?

“y/n”

you turned around and saw him in the hallway, hair messed up and glass of water in his hand. his face lit up upon seeing you, however you could sense the weird tone of his voice.

“hi chris. i’ll go to sleep” you mumbled, taking off your shoes

“wait, can we talk? i know it��s late but i feel like nowadays we’re roommates, not a couple” he said. here it is. you let out another sigh

“i had a lot on my head today, can we not?” you grunted, leaving your bag on the floor.

“that’s the thing, y/n. there’s something going on and you just won’t tell me. and when we’re gonna talk when not now? you avoid me, let’s face it” chris continued, voicing out his worries. you knew.

“i’m sorry, okay? it’s just… i don’t want to talk right now and…” you pinched the bridge of your nose, earning a scoff from chan.

“you never want to talk, apparently. relationships are build on trust and communication. and i get the feeling you don’t trust me at all” his voice got a little louder but not to the range of shouting.

“listen, i–“ you started, genuine exhaustion feeling your body. you were afraid to snap and that’s the last thing you wanted to do. especially right now, especially at chris. but if it continues–

“i’m tired of your excuses, y/n! let me help you, talk to me, anything–“ chris pleaded and before you realised, it happened.

“can you shut the fuck up? i told you i’m tired! we’ll talk once you stop interrupting me for god’s sake!”

the realisation sank in as you watched chan’s features change with pain. his jaw tensed, eyes becoming cold.

“sure… i’m sorry. good night” he huffed, his steps leading him back to his studio.

your eyes watered, heart shattering into millions of pieces. you fucked up.

changing into your pyjamas you fell asleep on the couch, feeling like a burden in your own bed. your and chris’. and above all, you felt strange and empty, trying (and failing miserably) to fall asleep without him by your side.

┆彡 MINHO [ 민호 ]

you approached lino quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. he jolted a bit by your sudden appearance, the wooden spoon falling out of his hand.

“oh, sorry baby. how are you today?” you hummed when minho with a grumpy face grabbed the spoon.

“you’re so fucking clingy sometimes…” he grunted, causing your eyes to widen “get off me”

the coldness of his voice made you a bit scared, backing away. minho continued with his cooking task.

“like a literal baby, i swear. let me breathe for once, is this too much to ask for?” he snapped, not even looking at you.

you understood, of course you did. when you started dating minho he wasn’t too big on skinship but… he never spoke like that to you in general or about this.

“okay. i’m sorry” you mumbled, trying not to show how hurt you got by his words “i’ll be in the bedroom”

he didn’t even say anything. you held your tears and walked away, only letting them go once you were buried in your duvet.

┆彡 CHANGBIN [ 창빈 ]

you let out a deep sigh, massaging your temples. changbin was looking at you with straight face, the tense silence between you two constantly interrupted by your group chat exploding with notifications.

“y/n, for the millionth time. they don’t deserve you, they literally treat you like shit” he grunted, glancing at your phone and reading the last message “'y/nnie we’re sorry, the date just slipped my mind', are you kidding me? what kind of an excuse is that?”

the thing was that your friends stood you up, again. lately they do that all the time but you know that they’re busy, just like you.

“a normal one! do i have to remind you the times you forgot about our dates? or i did? we’re humans, we forget things. and they’re my friends, they wouldn’t stand me up! we already rescheduled for tomorrow” you hissed “stop talking shit about my friends!”

“i’m not!” changbin whined “it just pisses me off because they meet up without you! don’t tell me you don’t know that!”

“i don’t because they don’t do that! stop accusing them!” you yelled, surprised by yourself. changbin sighed, his tongue poking the side of his cheek

“fine. just don’t run crying to me when you get stood up again, probably tomorrow” he huffed, crossing his arms

“i won’t!” you grunted, grabbing your phone and walking away to your bedroom.

┆彡 HYUNJIN [ 현진 ]

your boyfriend came home, a loud slam of his bag hitting the floor lighting a red lamp in your head. there was no usual, cheerful “hi baby!” or “i’m home!” coming from him.

hyunjin stepped into the kitchen, ignoring you, and poured himself some water.

“hi hyune” you hummed, approaching him. he mumbled something incoherent back, eyes everywhere but on you. you sighed quietly, shaking your head “how was your day?”

“awful, i’m exhausted” he grunted, poking his cheek with his tongue

“i’m sorry to hear that… here’s some food, i grabbed it from work. let me just finish heating it up” you hummed, smiling softly “and later if you want we can watch a movie?”

“just… i need some time alone. i’m tired, y/n. i know you wouldn’t get it because i’m an idol, i dance and work for the whole day but i just need to rest, okay?” hyunjin grunted, making you halt.

“what do you mean i wouldn’t get it?” you frowned, turning your gaze at him

“you’re… well, you’re not an idol. can i just-?” he spat out, running out of patience.

“oh, so i can’t feel exhausted? i know that working as a cleaning lady is not as mighty as being an idol, but it’s tiring as well” you said slowly, trying not to lose your temper.

“yeah, sure” he scoffed.

your eyes widened, genuine hurt breaking your heart.

“i’ll eat it later, don’t mind heating it up” he grunted and before he waddled away to the bedroom, he heard your murmurs.

“it’s for me… and you don’t mind talking to a filthy cleaning lady later…”

┆彡 JISUNG [ 지성 ]

han was watching you for the past fifteen minutes, tongue poking the side of his cheek. you seemed to have fun while chatting with the other guy. way too much fun.

he just let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink. he hated it. he hated that he had to go to this party, that someone spilled a drink over him, that the food sucked and that you… you were ignoring him.

you let out a laugh and shook your head. the guy who you were talking to, beomgyu, patted your head with a grin.

suddenly you felt a hand on your arm, squeezing it. you turned around and saw jisung and his… tensed jaw.

“oh ji! i was wondering where you were! this is beomgyu, jeongin’s friend…” you smiled and beomgyu greeted your boyfriend with a happy smile

“we need to talk” han just grunted and walked away. you shrugged and beomgyu sent you a questioning look.

following jisung outside, where the weather wasn’t too pleasant, you rubbed your arms and enjoyed the silence.

“what’s up?” you asked, tilting your head.

“are you seriously asking me 'what’s up?'… y/n… you’ve been having the time of your life with that guy” he hissed, crossing his arms.

“beomgyu? what do you mean? we were just talking, that’s all” you scoffed, not fully understanding what he meant.

“please, y/n. you two were flirting! it’s unbelievable” he snarled, his voice raising dangerously.

“jisung, you know i only love you. i was just talking with him because he–“ you started

“cut the bullshit. it’s good to know you had fun at the party but i’m going home. have fun flirting with him” he bursted out, walking away

“jisung, what the fuck?!” you called but he didn’t stop “what do you want me to say? i… i seriously! you can ask him! i wasn’t saying anything–“

entering the room again filled his ears with music, jisung didn’t catch the way your voice broke down. legs leading him towards the exit, he noticed beomgyu watching him shocked.

┆彡 FELIX [ 필릭스 ]

you drummed your fingers on the table nervously, giving the waiter an apologetic look. he walked up to you, sighing.

“i’m sorry ma’am but if you’re not planning on ordering something i’ll have to ask you to leave…” he said. you nodded, grabbing your purse

“i understand” you said and paid for the two glasses of water you ordered earlier.

“i’m sorry” the waiter mumbled, causing blood to flow to your cheeks. you shook your head and left, dialling your boyfriend’s number for the seventh time this night.

“–yeah, i know, right?! what’s up, y/n?” felix answered, the voices in the background becoming quieter.

“where are you?” you asked bluntly, crossing your arms

“i’m at changbin’s, why?” he asked confused

“why? well maybe because i was waiting for you like an idiot for the past two hours? why didn’t you pick up your phone earlier?” you spat out, voice starting to shake

“what are you talking about?” felix grunted

“our date, felix! like the third one you missed because allegedly you were busy? are you doing this on purpose or what?” you huffed, sitting down on a nearby bench.

“i was busy, y/n! i admit, today i forgot but we made plans with guys earlier and i just…” he trailed off.

“you just forgot. again. i don’t have any more patience or strength for that, felix. don’t you see that? you’re prioritising work over me” your voice broke, nails digging into your knees “if it keeps happening–“

“y/n… don’t say that! you know i’m busy, i’m an idol! what did you expect?” felix scoffed.

“i expected my boyfriend to be present in my life, you know? i understand that you’re an idol, i respect that and i support it… i just wish you were there for me, felix. do you even know i got fired yesterday?” you asked and were met with silence “exactly. now… have fun at changbin’s, say hi to the boys. i’m not coming back tonight”

with that you hung up, chest thumping in your chest. well, you’re going to have a sleepover at your best friend’s… again.

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

you hummed happily, just getting off the phone with your mom. entering the kitchen you noticed seungmin with his glasses atop of his nose, reading something.

“hey, seungmo! do you have any plans on weekend?” you asked. he shook his head as a no “great! my parents are visiting, then”

he groaned, making you frown.

“what?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“again?” he finally looked up at you, fixing his glasses.

“what do you mean again? they visited us like, month ago!” you shook your head

“it’s just… tiring” he mumbled, playing with the hem of the paper he was reading

“tiring? they’re my parents, seungmin. and it’s hard for them too. they’re still getting used to living in korea, i know how that felt and besides, you should get used to it” you huffed

“okay, so? can’t you just go on your own? i wanted to practice, i could use some time alone” seungmin grunted. you bit your lip, looking down. did he just… did not like your parents? you couldn’t lie, it hurt you.

“fine. have fun then because i guess i’ll leave earlier, since you could use some time alone” you murmured

“are you angry at me?” he asked, some kind of mockery in his voice

“yeah, i am! do you not like them? why didn’t you tell me earlier?” the question made him scoff

“i just don’t feel like going, geez! just go, you’re being annoying today…” he grunted, reassuming his previous task.

you mumbled a soft oh and left your place right away, not bothering to pack. your parents have some clothes of yours at their place either way.

┆彡 JEONGIN [ 정인 ]

you watched jeongin text someone with a huge grin on his face, fingers quickly tapping against the screen of his phone. letting out a deep sigh, you reassumed watching the show.

“wait, why’d you start?” he asked suddenly, putting his phone away

“i asked you like, five times if i can start already” you grunted, not looking at him

“sorry, i was…” he hummed, hesitant “…texting someone”

“who was it?” you asked, not really caring about the weight of the question…

“no one important” he huffed. now, his answer made you confused. anxiety slowly creeping into your heart, you looked at him

“why’d you answer like that? i’m sure that person wouldn’t be too happy to hear that” you joked lightly. jeongin just shrugged, letting out an annoyed sigh. there was a sound of door opening somewhere in the dorm.

“can we just watch?” he asked coldly.

you fell quiet, mind racing with thoughts. if you think about it, you caught him texting and smiling like a teenage girl a couple of times this week. and he always quickly turned off his phone once you were near him. what was it?

“oh, hi you two!” you heard changbin’s voice. you turned around to wave at him and he waved back, then turning your eyes again at the screen “oi, jeongin-ah, did eunjeong text you back?”

your eyes widened upon hearing the name. eunjeong. jeongin’s ex.

you looked at him, his face immediately dropping. you sent a death glare to changbin that only now realised what he said. but that meant… he knew.

“you’re texting her? your ex?” you asked, crossing your arms. jeongin sighed, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

“and what if i am, geez! it’s not that serious, y/n” he grunted, looking at you.

“for me it is, jeongin. you know i have trust issues… and i don’t trust her, especially! besides, you told me you blocked her…?” you asked, heart racing abnormally fast.

“i lied, okay? because you’re so sensitive about everything, just like now! yes, i’m texting eunjeong and honestly, i don’t regret it! she’s fun, okay? we broke up on a good terms” he grunted. you stood up, walking away “where are you going?!”

“i need to think” you hissed, passing changbin by

“that’s exactly what i was talking about… god, such a crybaby over nothing” jeongin murmured, grabbing his phone.

before he could open up a chat with eunjeong, he heard a loud door slam.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e ,, @fire-08 ,, @eternalgyu ,, @haecien

[the-iceni-bitch]

Chemical Override, Ultraviolet. You Could Be Mine Tonight…

Relationship: lawyer!amazon Natasha Romanoff x plus size!short female!reader (Big Red and Peach)

Words: ~2.3k

Summary: It’s your birthday, again, and Nat really can’t help but spoil you.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (w/w sex, strap-on use, pussy eating), established relationship, kind of idiots in love, they’re just really fucking cute, SMUT!!! NO MINORS!!!

A/N: I love them and I’ve missed them terribly. They really are so goddamn adorable.

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all my fics follow my sideblog, @the-iceni-library , and turn on notifications!

“God, do we really have to go?” You pouted at Nat while she grabbed her purse. “We could spend the day at home and do dirty stuff.”

“Baby, it’s your birthday, a big one,” she chuckled when you huffed at her, “Listen, just trust me. I know you, I know what you like. I promise you’ll have a good time. You’ve been wanting to try this place forever, right?”

“I guess…” You had, but it was always so busy, and your loving but occasionally overbearing girlfriend was probably going to make the waitstaff sing to you.

Before you had a chance to whine any more she was shoving you out the front door. At least it was a short walk, but that didn’t mean you were going to quit being a brat about this. Every time you were about to complain she would just kiss you, though. Then you would forget what you were going to make a fuss about and get pouty about that. Damn her and her ability to predict your behavior! Why couldn’t she let you be grumpy? Of course, it was always hard to stay grumpy when your gorgeous Amazon of a girlfriend was holding your hand and smiling at you like you were the whole world. You were going to give it your best shot, though. It’s not like she didn’t love you cranky ass anyway.

When you reached the restaurant you let out a loud whine, stamping your feet a few times and pouting while Nat just smiled and dragged you inside. You braced yourself for the crowd and the noise and all the shit you didn’t want to deal with on your birthday.

But it was empty. It was Friday night and one of the most popular restaurants in the city was empty.

“Nat…” you squeezed her hand when she led you to the only set table in the place. “What did you do?”

“I decided to spoil my little peach for her birthday.” She just shook her head when you sniffed at her holding your chair out for you. “C’mon sweetheart. I already gave the chef and bartender a list of what you wanted to try most so you won’t have to see anyone else except when they bring out the next dish.”

“Jesus Christ,” you were still getting used to how well this woman treated you, but looking at the smoked salmon tarts and pink cocktails you couldn’t help but smile. “Are they gonna bring all the rosé cocktails?”

“You bet your fine little ass they are,” she kissed your hand as she sat down next to you. “Just don’t get too drunk. Can’t have you falling off my dick later tonight.”

“Nat!” You slapped your hand over your mouth when you snorted and felt your Paloma go up your nose. “Will you ever stop bringing that up?”

“Not ever,” she grabbed your hand when you slapped her shoulder and kissed each of your fingers, growling playfully and nibbling on your thumb when you snuggled up to her. “Your adorable little squeal when you tumbled off the bed is forever ingrained into my memory. My little girl was just so sure she could ride the big boy.”

“Shut up,” you let her feed you a tart and scrunched up your face when she kissed your forehead. “I would’ve been fine if I was sober.”

“Whatever you say, birthday girl,” Nat took a sip of her vodka cranberry and wound her arm around your waist. “Not like you get overconfident whenever you’re drunk or anything.”

“Hey, if I can take it lying down I should be able to ride it!” When you realized how loud you were talking you were suddenly very grateful that the restaurant was empty, your face getting all kinds of hot as you took a long drink of your Paloma. “I mean, logically.”

Nat really did know you and what you liked, and it didn’t piss you off like it used to at all. You could talk to her about anything when it was just the two of you. You could laugh that stupidly loud and screechy laugh you did when she reminded you of something stupid you did that she insisted was the most adorable thing in the world. The food and the drinks tasted amazing when you weren’t feeling overwhelmed by people surrounding you. Just you and her, and goddamn you were in love with her.

“This cake is fucking ridiculous,” you giggled when she wheeled out some pink flowery monstrosity with sparklers sticking out of it. “It looks too pretty to eat.”

“But eat it we shall,” damn her being so cute and cheering while she filmed you blowing out the sparklers then helped you pull them out of your cake. “I got the dark chocolate cherry you wanted to try. So eat a slice then we’ll pack it up and take it home.”

“Well,” you beamed at her when she cut you a nice big slice. “If you insist. Holy fuck, this is soooooo good!”

You could have eaten the whole thing. You would have if Nat hadn’t made a cryptic comment about a special surprise when she started to box up the cake. As much as you loved cake, you loved surprises from your girlfriend even more. So you just kept that ridiculously goofy grin on your face while she somehow managed to both hold the box of cake and keep you from wobbling when you tried to walk home on your semi-drunk legs.

“So bubbly when you drink your little pink drinks… shit!” Nat threw her head back and laughed heartily when you pounced on her as soon as she had put the cake down once you got home. “My my, aren’t we the eager little thing?”

“Mmhm,” you kissed all over her face and made needy sounds. “Need my birthday spanks from mommy.”

“Dear lord,” she gave you another lovely laugh and then threw you over her shoulder, slapping your ass as she started carrying you up the stairs while she counted off. “One… two… three…”

By the time you had reached the master bedroom she was finished and you were so worked up you could hardly breathe. You squealed when she tossed you on the bed and tore off your dress, your face getting warm when she looked at you like she was going to eat you alive. It still gave you the butterflies in your stomach whenever she looked at you like that, you always had a little bit of trouble believing she was real and in love with you.

“Wait, where are you going?” You propped yourself up on your elbows when she was suddenly gone. “Hey, I’m naked and it’s my birthday, what the fuck, Romanoff?”

“Be a little patient, pretty peach,” your sassy retort died in your throat when she walked out of the closet wearing nothing but lacy red panties, thigh highs, and a very large black strap on you had never seen before. “You really think I would leave my best girl hanging on her birthday?”

“Hehe, nuh-uh,” you squeaked when she grabbed both of your ankles and yanked you down the bed, gasping and wiggling when she nipped at your heel before kissing her way up the inside of your leg. “Mommy…”

“Mommy knows, baby girl,” she smiled against your skin when you kicked and giggled at her sucking on the sensitive spot on the back of your knee. “We have to make sure you’re ready for mommy’s cock, peach.”

You just mumbled nonsense in response as she nibbled her way to your throbbing core. As soon as her mouth met your slit your entire body shuddered violently, your breath coming in such fast, short pants you were worried about hyperventilating. But hey, passing out when your amazing sex goddess of a girlfriend was licking your pussy would be far from a bad thing. It hadn’t even been thirty seconds and you already felt like you were right on the edge, your eyes rolling back in your head and your hips grinding against her face while she fucked your with her mouth. When she gave your swollen clit a little nibble you broke, sobbing and squirming wildly as your cunt fluttered and gushed all over her face.

As soon as you were finished she was crawling up your body and stealing what little breath you had left in your lungs with a kiss so passionate you were quite sure you were going to faint. Then she was inside you, and goddamm. You were so overwhelmed all you could do was babble incoherently and clutch at her shoulders as she drove into you over and over again.

“Such an eager little girl for mommy, aren’t you?” Nat chuckled when your only response was a hiccup as she ground against your clit. She kissed your lips again, then kissed your neck, and then she was sucking on one of your nipples and oh look at that, you came again already. “That’s it. I bet your little pussy is squeezing mommy’s cock so hard right now. You are making a mess all over mommy’s thighs right now, peach.”

How you were supposed to actually respond to her was a mystery. You were nothing but a writhing bundle of sensations at the moment, sobbing and gasping while she fucked you with that strange mix of ferocity and tenderness that made submitting to her so damn easy. The occasional glimpse of her gorgeous face hovering above you managed to break through the fuzzy haze of your vision but then the world just turned back into a warm, golden glow as she somehow managed to wring even more pleasure out of your spent body.

“Fuck!” Your third orgasm made your body spasm so hard you were almost in pain, drool leaking from the corner of your slack mouth when she kissed you and started to pull out. “No, wait… nononono, don’t go…”

“Peach, baby,” Nat chuckled when you lifted your hips to try to keep the strap inside you. “You can hardly keep your mouth closed right now, birthday girl. Mommy thinks it might be time for some aftercare.”

“But…” you gave her a cute little scowl then rolled over onto your stomach, arching your back and pushing your hips up so you could wiggle your ass just a little. “It’s my birthday. Can… can you just fuck my ass a little bit… pretty pretty please?”

“You are an insatiable little minx, Jesus Christ,” she shook her head affectionately and gave your ass a firm smack, groaning appreciatively at the jiggle of your generous curves before spreading your cheeks and spitting right on your asshole. “I’ve spoiled you, haven’t I?”

“Mmhm… fuuuuuuuck…” your eyes rolled back again when she slid her finger inside your ass, rocking your hips so you were basically fucking your own hole on her hand while she gave you a few more quick spanks. “More…”

Nat really couldn’t say no to you, smacking your ass one more time as she slid a second finger inside you. It was hard not to give you everything you wanted when you were this fucking responsive, your pussy gushing and your voice leaving you in an adorable squeak when she pushed in a third finger. She could feel your desperation in the way your insides fluttered and clenched around her digits, leaning over your perfect, soft body and kissing the back of your neck while she stretched you open. Her fingers were gone without warning but you only had a moment to mourn the loss because then she was slamming the strap inside you so hard you saw god for just a second.

You had to bite the sheets underneath you to keep from screaming like you were being murdered as she started to fuck your ass in deep, long strokes. Her teeth were digging into your shoulder, her hips were grinding against your cheeks, and your ass was so full of her dick your guts were most likely going to be permanently rearranged. Then she was touching you, her hands were everywhere and maybe you could have held out a little longer but then one of her hands was between your legs and you were lost.

“There we go… that’s it, baby girl,” Nat crooned and slammed into you one last time as you came with a shriek, rubbing your clit gently while you shuddered and wailed from pure ecstasy. “Such a perfect girl for mommy.”

She pulled out of you slowly once you had collapsed into the mattress, undoing the harness around her hips and waist quickly and tossing the toy aside before wrapping you in her arms again. You just took a few short breaths as you struggled to get yourself under control, sighing when she rolled you onto your side and held you close to her chest.

“God, that was a pretty good fucking birthday present,” you giggled when she kissed your forehead and wound your arms around her waist. “Not gonna lie, I was thinking you were going to propose when you made such a big fucking deal about this one.”

“Were you?” Nat tilted your head back with a finger under your chin and beamed at you. “It is a big birthday, peach, but I wanted today to be all about you. Besides, I don’t like surprise proposals. That’s why I’m doing it at Christmas.”

“Oh, haha,” you snorted and rolled your eyes, your throat suddenly getting tight when she just kept smiling at you like she knew something you didn’t. “Nat… Nat, say ‘haha’. Nat, don’t you fucking joke around with me right now, that’s not nice,” you felt the blood run from your face when she just kissed your forehead and stood up while murmuring about running a bath. “Nat?! Natasha?!!!”

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 60

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Dream, Seam by @ardett and @maychorian

Lance is the blue paladin. The Galra realize this before he does.

y'all....this au is insane. like genuinely one of the coolest concepts i have seen in this fandom. lance, taken by the galra as an infant and raised by them (altho they treat him like shit, obviously, so fair warning for that), as an asset, because they know he is the blue paladin, because he can See things he should not be able to see? and then he has to get integrated into voltron...yall nothing i can say can do this au justice. there's this almost ethereal feel to the entire fic, there were several moments where my chest was swoopy and my breathing was off bc i was like oh god oh god oh god. the complicated relationships, lance's struggle, and ALSO BONUS!!! das thace!!! i miss dad thace!!! do my fellow voltron geriatrics remember when dad thace was everywhere!! bc i do!! and i miss it!!!

2. five times someone didn't know keith and lance were dating, and one time everyone did by Shorty

Keith shrugs nonchalantly. “I’m still mad about the whole ‘babe’ thing.” ... Or, exactly what the title says.

there is nothing i can say about this fic that isn't in the title 💀 it's exactly what it says it is. and it hits. but some crumbs to intrigue you: 1) one of the tags on this fic is 'hunk is a hunk', 2) it's a 2016 fic, and 3) trust me.

3. Some Secrets Don't Need To Be Kept by @squirenonny

Keith finds out he's part Galra. It's not as big a deal as he expects.

look. sometimes i just want things to be soft. what if keith had it easy? for once in his fucking life? what if people chilled the hell out? for ten minutes? this is seven thousand words of people being like hey keith u know what. take it easy. we got u babes. and i am grateful

4. How to Fake an Interest in Biochemical Engineering by @squirenonny

Shiro has a crush on Matt Holt. But every time he runs into Matt he ends up embarrassing himself. Shiro's best friend Allura is no help. His little brother Keith is even worse. But Shiro is going to make his move before graduation if it kills him. (And it just might kill him.)

SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT. shockingly, i didn't just choose this one bc of the recent discourse lol. this is another 2016 fic that i adore. it's just -- disaster shiro, whipped shiro, down bad shiro, sweet matt, cackling keith, shiro who is dying of embarrassment, gay as all fuck shiro, etc etc. it hits. i laughed.

5. Neighbors by starryeyedchar

Lance stood in front of him, but it was a Lance he'd never seen before. Granted, Keith didn't know him well by any means, but he was positive that the regular Lance would be leaning against the doorframe with a smirk, maybe a couple finger-guns. Not this. This Lance had wrapped himself in a blanket, and was still shivering slightly. His skin was much paler than usual, with flushed cheeks and sweat on his brow. He sniffled. “Um.” Or the one where Keith and Lance live in apartments next to each other, and Lance is too sick for Keith to just leave him by himself.

this one is just very dorky and sweet. i love any fic that captures the exact moment in keiths brain when he goes oh no oh shit oh fuck hes HAWT and lance looks like genuine actual shit actually. its so funny to me

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Seven

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: A lot of Gentle Bullying (it's done with love,i promise), Drinking/Mentions of Alcohol, Peer pressure, Mentions of Sex (don't get your hopes up; it's not happening yet) Fluff, yearning, pining, hopeless romantic-ing, maybe a smidge of flirting and lastly- more pirate references.

Word Count: 6.2k !!

Summary: The weekend plays out a bit differently than Jake anticipated, but aside from the endless teasing from his family, I don't think he has much to complain about.

Author's Note: IT'S A LONG ONE FOLKS. We're getting to the good stuff and i'm SO excited. This chapter has me kicking my feet and blushing (I wrote it, I know) but GOD it's so cute watching their little friendship grow. I hope you love it xoxo next weeks is a TREAT. 😉

She Calls Me Back - Noah Kahan "Everything's alright when, she calls me back,"

Friday 

I didn’t expect to spend so much of my evening texting Charlotte. Granted, I also never expected anybody to willingly let me tell them about pirates, a pretty girl, no less. We kept talking until she was finally ready to sleep, and I told her that she was more than welcome to reach out if she wanted. She definitely took me up on the offer. What I wasn’t prepared for was her to send me a random fun fact at 10 am. Though I’m glad, she seems to be in a better mood.

Charlotte: Did you know the creator of the Xbox was obsessed with sourdough bread?

Jake: I did not 

Charlotte: Mhm! Which makes the logo funnier, because it looks like a nicely scored loaf!

Jake: Why do you know this? Also goodmorning? 

I’ve already been down to the bar and finished getting her ready to open. A habit that I probably can’t break at this point. I started going down to get the bar set up when I first opened because I was really the only one who was actually working there. Once I got Josh on board full-time, we split a lot of the work, but I still try to make it as easy as possible for him. He’s doing a lot to help me out; it’s the least I can do. 

Charlotte: Oh, goodmorning! I guess I should have started with that lol 

“What are you so smiley about this morning?” 

I look up to see Quinn rounding the corner into the kitchen, their floppy curls all over the place. 

“There’s still coffee left if you want some,” I tell them quickly.

“Don’t avoid the question, Jack,” their smirk growing as they pour coffee into one of Josh’s mugs. 

“Do I usually look sad?” 

“Not sad, but you look especially happy right now,” tossing the creamer back into the fridge, “but you’re gonna need to wipe that look off your face if you don’t want your nosy brother harassing you.” 

My smile definitely falls at that statement. Unfortunately, they’re so very correct. If I can’t hide it better, Josh will know something’s up. I swear he can smell it from a mile away. 

“I’m joking,” they sip on their coffee, “I’m gonna tell him anyway!” 

Shit. They scurry towards Josh’s door before I can say anything or try to bargain with them. I practically launch myself up from the couch to follow suit when I hear their sing-song little voice, “Jaaaaakes got a cruuuuushhh.” Stopping me in my tracks just outside the bedroom. 

“A crush, you say!” Josh’s voice is just simply loud; there’s no changing it, “Oh, Jacob! You can’t hide from me now, brother!” 

I round the corner, leaning against the doorframe. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” I point at Quinn, “It’s not a crush, just a .. friend?” Realizing that I’m not even sure what this is. 

“Well, that just wasn’t convincing at all,” They mumble, taking another sip of coffee. 

“It’s not that serious is all.” 

Josh finally chimed in, “You know, you don’t have to be ashamed if it is a crush. If anything, it’s relieving for the rest of us.” 

My eyes roll involuntarily as I cross my arms over my chest, “Why are you so concerned about my love life? Shouldn’t you just be happy that I’m not bringing random girls home?”

“Don’t disrespect Danny without him present,” Josh barks out a laugh, “But at least he was getting laid, so maybe he was onto something.” 

“Plus, he has Melody now,” Quinn pipes up, “You’re the last man standing.”

Josh looks over at them, “Nice guys do finish last, I guess.”

“One is the loneliest number!”

“The lone wolf.”

“Okay, you don’t need to kick me while I’m down,” my eyebrows pinch together as they keep piling on. 

“Well, are you actually gonna try to bag this one?” Josh asks, “ Or you just gonna rot away in the bar and pine over her?” 

“First of all, I already told you it’s not a crush,” I start, “Secondly, are you convinced that I can’t lock down a girlfriend?” 

“Jake, you’ve been single for how long? It’s getting hard to believe you even know how to flirt with a woman.” 

“Especially after you tried flirting with that pretty redhead the other day,” Quinn cringes quietly. 

“Okay, that wasn’t my best work,” I had been trying to forget that. “But she was also busy yelling at me for being bad at my job, so the timing was less than ideal.” My face sells me out as the red settles in my cheeks. 

“Wait,” Josh pipes up, “is that who you’re texting?” Leaning forward as he stares at me. How is he so quick?

“Uh,” I hesitated a second too long. 

“Oh my god, it is!” His voice was rising with excitement. “A friend? My ass. I saw how you looked at her.” 

“She was very pretty, to be fair,” Quinn interjects, nudging him with their elbow. 

“Oh, she was stunning,” he says, looking back at them. “So you two have been talking?” 

My heart is pounding as we have this conversation because I don’t even know what’s going on. The last thing I need is him hounding me over it. 

They both just stare at me with that sympathetic look that people give you when they find out you lost your job or your dog ran away. 

“Can you two quit interrogating me?” I whine, “I promise that either of you will be the first to know when I have a potential girlfriend.” 

“Alright, alright, I’ll stand down,” Josh throws his hands up, “but only because I need to get ready for work.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Jake: i’m assuming youre feeling a bit better today?

I decided to walk to some of the stores nearby, trying to enjoy the last few days of autumn. The Old Port is a wonderfully odd place. With the cobblestone streets and terribly old brick buildings, it’s nothing short of having character. The way the city won’t tear any down but just shove new businesses in will always amaze me. But being able to walk to a fair amount of things has been my favorite thing since moving over here. 

The crisp air of fall warrants a hot drink. I slip into a smaller local coffee shop. It’s a crowded little space with several tables and the actual bar. There’s minimal room to move around or not be noticed. 

“Well, look who decided to show up!” 

My head whips to the right, and I see my favorite ladies parked at a small table in the corner: Eleanor with her book in her lap and Linda with a small notebook set on the table. I take my drink from the barista with a quick ‘thank you’ and carefully weave through the scattered chairs.

“Goodmorning ladies, is this seat taken?” I tap the chair facing them. 

“All yours, sweetheart.” 

Linda leans forward, sliding her notebook to the side, “So Josh told us that you were flirting with that pretty young lady the other day,” sending a little wink at me. 

I drop my head with a long sigh. I should have known he would tell them because, of course, my brother is best friends with two older ladies. 

“Well, I tried flirting,” I mumble, sipping my coffee, “But it wasn’t necessarily well received.” 

The collective ‘awwww’ feels almost offensive, but I know they aren’t trying to bully me. That’s everyone else’s job.

“You’ll find someone, dear. You’re much too sweet and handsome,” Eleanor finally says. “At least you’re not wasting it on someone who doesn’t deserve you.” She gently rubs my arm for a second, a soft smile on her face. 

“Thank you,” I tell her, placing my hand over hers, “You’re right. I’d rather wait for the right girl than spend time on whoever is willing to go on dates.” 

Truth be told, I’ve played that game already. Meeting girls online or on dating apps and taking them out to dinner. Only to have them tell me, “You’re so sweet,”  and then ghost me after the date. I’ve only made it to the kiss at the end a handful of times in my life, and lord knows the last time I got laid. Never a proud moment for me when it happened. Both of us are usually incredibly drunk, and I hardly remember anything from it the next morning. 

Since officially opening the bar, I’ve just not bothered dating. I have too many things I could be doing or helping Josh when he is working. I think if another girl ghosted me, I may commit arson. Not to the bar; obviously, I’ve worked too hard. So, I keep to myself and just enjoy the minor flirting from girls who are already a drink or two deep. I also spend a bit longer in the shower some nights trying to relieve some of the tension. 

“Ellie’s right, ya know?” Linda sits back, “And don’t let those pesky boys pick on you over it! We both witnessed how ‘smooth’ their paths were, they have barely any room to speak.”

I look between the two of them with a lazy smile on my lips, “You’re the best, both of you.” I let out a small sigh of relief. 

We all sit and chat while Linda writes up her list of what to bring to the Farmer’s Market this weekend. She passes the notebook to Eleanor so she can decide what plant pots to bring. Watching their friendship over the last year has been so precious. 

“Alright girls, I think I need to head out,” I scoot my chair back. 

“Don’t work too hard, sweetheart,” Linda quips, “But we’ll probably see you in a few hours.” She glances over at Eleanor. 

“Oh, probably,” she lets out a long sigh, “This old bat drags me out late every Friday.” Holding back a laugh, she side-eyes Linda. 

“Play nice, ladies!” I giggle, sending them a little wave, “I’ll see you two later.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It’s Josh’s night to close the bar, but I can’t help myself from at least being around. I’ve been sitting in my office for the most part. Trying to focus on admin stuff, but it becomes incredibly apparent why I let Dan handle a lot of it. It doesn’t help that I have also been texting Charlotte all night. But, in my defense, why would I turn down the opportunity to text someone who seems interested in what I have to say? The fact she’s hot is just a bonus. 

I pick up my phone, unprepared for what I am about to endure. I see the blue dot next to the group chat with all the boys in it. We use it daily, but I just had a gut feeling about tonight’s conversation, considering how the rest of my day has gone. 

Employees of the Month 🏴‍☠️🏆 (& Sam) : 

Sam: Birdie says you may be able to pull someone if you shave your face 

Josh: quinn agrees 

Jake: i didn’t ask for opinions from the peanut gallery 

Daniel changes the groupchat name to “ Operation: Get Jake Laid 🫡”

Daniel: melody is also in favor of no mustache 

Josh: ​​it’s not our fault you look like a chimney sweep 

[Jake left the conversation]

[Sam added Jake to the conversation]

Sam: not so fast, Dick Van Dyke 

Jake: So literally nobody thinks it looks good?

Josh: not at all

Daniel: …no

Sam: ABSOLUTELY NOT LOL 

Josh: you already have the long hair, you’re giving jesus a little bit.

Josh: or homeless. take your pick. 

Sam: Definitely homeless, there’s only room for one jesus in this family 

Daniel: good point sam

Jake: i hate all of you

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Saturday 

“I’m off to work,” Josh says, rounding the corner from his bedroom. 

“Have fun,” I reply, looking up from my phone, “I’ll be down there in a little bit.” 

As soon as the lock flips on the door, I sit up from the couch. Usually, I’m not affected by the boys’ commentary. Still, for whatever reason, the simple act of shaving my face struck a nerve. I’m not particularly attached to having facial hair, but I wasn’t under the impression it was that bad. 

I stare into the mirror as the water is running; I mean, I know it’s not a big deal. If a girl didn’t like me for this, that sounds like her problem, as I throw my hair into a low bun. Grabbing my razor from the cabinet and stealing some of Josh’s shaving cream, I carefully dab some just above my lip. What if I look worse? No. Maybe they’re right; maybe I should just get rid of it. Fuck it. 

Making the first pass, I let out a small sigh. I slather on some more shaving cream to the rest of my face, quickly shaving it off. Well, I guess this looks okay.  Bzzzt. 

Charlotte: helloooo

Jake: good morrow m’lady how did you sleep 

The shower creaks a bit as I turn it on, giving the water a few minutes to heat up. It always feels like forever this time of year. Once the steam starts fogging up the mirrors, I pull my sweatshirt over my head and toss it on the counter. Bzzt. 

Charlotte: not bad. How are you? 

Jake: aside from falling into peer pressure, i’m okay haha 

I set my phone on top of my sweatshirt, quickly sliding off my sweats and swiftly moving into the shower. Letting the hot water run over me. What if she doesn’t even notice? Pouring shampoo into my hand and scrubbing it into my hair, maybe she’ll like this better? What am I even worried about? We’re just casually talking. Rinsing and then grabbing the conditioner, Though.. I wouldn’t be opposed. I run the conditioner through my ends and then lather the rest of my body with soap. I feel like she must at least think I’m an okay person if she’s listening to me ramble on about pirates?  I move back under the water, feeling the temperature start to change. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” I mumble to myself, trying to rinse everything off as quickly as possible. There’s nothing worse than the hot water running out mid-shower. As soon as my hair doesn’t feel slimy, I shut the water off with a quick shudder. I wring my hair out and grab my towel, drying myself before wrapping it tightly around my waist. 

I see my phone light up. 

Charlotte: Excuse me?

Charlotte: Who peer pressured you? Into what? 

Charlotte: Jacob! You can’t just say that and then disappear! 

I audibly laugh at her yelling at me, quickly replying to try and ease the suspense. 

Jake: i’m sorry i was in the shower LOL

Jake: oh just the boys per usual im just dumb and fell for it this time

I migrate to my bedroom, scanning my closet briefly before grabbing my staple long-sleeve button-up shirt and my black jeans. I pull them on as I hear the small buzz of my phone. 

Charlotte: Why are you avoiding saying what IT is? It can’t be that bad. 

Oh, sweetheart, I wish I knew if it were that bad. 

Jake: i haven’t decided if it’s that bad 

Charlotte: Well, let me help! 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Rounding the corner to the bar, I set a handful of clean glasses on the back counter. Listening to Josh as he small talks with some of the customers. Having Josh bartend was probably one of the smartest things I could have done; everybody loves him. He’s much more extroverted than myself, on top of just being a sociable person. Bzzzt. 

I have to fight the urge to grab my phone every time it vibrates. She knows I’m working, so she won’t be upset if I take a second to reply. I’m cleaning up the back counter to try and help out Josh; I wipe down everything quickly to make sure I’m not in his way. 

Turning around, I see the door open as Willa walks through. It’s always a gamble to see who will be with her, Sam, or Quinn, and tonight's lucky winner is Samuel. I’ve watched them since the day they first met, and as much as they like to annoy each other, they are rather cute together. If there’s anything I know about my brother, he doesn’t ever actually want to annoy her; he just likes to ruffle her feathers. Get it- Birdie.. Feathers.. HAH. 

He pulls out the barstool a bit for her before taking the seat next to her. 

“OH MY GOD-” Willa yelps, “YOU SHAVED,” excitedly clapping her hands. Well, that didn’t take long. 

“It’s nice to see you too,” I slide small napkins in front of both of them, grinning at her excitement.  

“Jake, I literally see you all the time,” Sam torts back. 

“I was talking to Willa,” I deadpan, rolling my eyes before looking back to her, “What can I get for you, dear?” 

��Just something fruity,” she requests between laughs, “thank you!”

I glance at Sam with my eyebrows raised, “and you?”

“Wow, the customer service here is amazing,” laced in a sarcastic tone that quickly disappears when he quietly mumbles, “Whatever you make for her, just .. the same thing.”

Turning to make their drinks, bzzt, I slide my phone from my back pocket. 

Charlotte: Can you PLEASE just tell me what it is?

Jake: i promise you it’s not that exciting 

I quickly shoved my phone back into its rightful place and put together their drinks. Willa’s more carefully than Sam’s, at least she doesn’t cop an attitude with me. 

“Here you go, madam,” setting her drink on the napkin, “and here’s yours.” more abruptly setting Sam’s down. 

“So, Jake,” she starts, “how’s dating going?” 

My eyes wander over to my brother, who is looking everywhere but at me. That little shit.

“Oh, it’s um.. It’s going.”

“Well, I do have a friend who I could set you up with,” she continues, “ya know, if you want.” 

Finally, making eye contact with Sam, my eyebrows pull together as I cross my arms over my chest. 

“What? I didn’t say anything?” he says, putting his hands up. 

“Yes, you did!” Willa calls him out, “Don’t be dumb, Sam.” 

She looks back at me, putting her hands out across the bar, “I’m a girl, I can help, okay. What are you looking for? Tell meee!” 

Bzzzt. Shit.

I can feel the warmth settling in my face, and my hand finds its place on the back of my neck. 

“Oh, you’re so sweet,” I start, “but I don’t think I really have time to date right now.”

She sighs, “Oh come on– are you gunna let yourself wither away in this bar? You’re handsome; you shouldn’t have any problems dating.”

“Hello? I’m right here?” Sam butts in.

“This isn’t about you right now, babe.”

Charlotte: What if I just tell you that it is super exciting? Does that help?

Jake: oh my god you’re ridiculous hahaha

“What are you smiling at over there?” Willa’s tone was taunting. 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I tell her, unable to contain the uncomfortable laugh that follows. 

“That doesn’t look like nothing.” 

I smirk, “I promise!” 

She looks like she will fling herself over the bar if I don’t tell her who I’m talking to. 

“Promises mean nothing to me, sir!” she quickly rebuttals, “give me the juicy deets!” 

My ears perk up at the ‘sir,’ but I’m not so easily swindled. 

“You almost got me there, but there’s nothing to tell.” I smile at her, raising my eyebrows as I walk to the other end of the bar. 

Charlotte: I promise I won’t laugh at you! I’m just too invested now

Jake: Charlotte

Charlotte: Jacob 

Charlotte: For the love of god, just tell me what it is

I don’t know what comes over me, but I immediately walk to the bathroom. Holding the edge of the sink with my free hand, I pull up my phone, clicking on the little camera. Click. I don’t bother to look, simply clicking ‘done.’ 

Jake: [ sends photo ] 

Read 9:37pm.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The next few hours go by quickly. This is sort of the blessing of Saturday nights here; the nights tend to fly by with the number of people you talk to. I sent Josh home a little early. We were slowing down a bit, and he’s been here quite a lot lately. Which is a little my fault, but none of the bartenders I hire stick around long. 

I don’t want to cave, but I finally opened Charlotte’s messages. Seeing the ‘read’ makes me nervous. My thumbs defy me.  

Jake: is it that bad? 

Does that seem too needy? She doesn’t have to say anything. Maybe I scared her off with the picture. My mind races until I see her typing. 

Charlotte: What are you doing after work? 

The sense of relief when she responds is great, but why was she avoiding the conversation? Maybe it was just too weird for her. 

Jake: I get out at 2am.. what else am I going to do haha 

Charlotte: You’re so right 

Looking up to the corner, 1:15 a.m., before replying to her.

Jake: what are you doing awake? ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I spent the last forty-five minutes of the night trying to clean while slowly collecting everyone’s payments. Following the last customer to the doors, I locked myself in and felt the calm wash over me again. 

Charlotte: I don’t really know

Jake: well i’m sure you’re asleep now, but i’m free to keep you company if you’re still up 

My screen lights up before I can put it back into my pocket. Why is she facetiming me? This can’t be serious?  My thumb hovers over the ‘accept’ for a second, quickly tapping it. 

“Hi,” her voice softly rings through my ears. God, she’s so cute. 

“Helloo,” I say, matching her volume, “I definitely wasn’t expecting you to be up.”

“I just can’t sleep lately,”  Poor thing. 

“Well then,” propping my phone up against a glass, “lucky for you, I’m always awake into the wee hours of the morning.”  I glance over from the POS. 

“Doesn’t help when you don’t clock out until after two in the morning, huh?”

“You would be correct,” I let out a small laugh, taking a quick scan of the room. She tucks some hair behind her ear, then leans into her hand. 

“Do you have much left to do?” 

Clicking the power button on the screen, “Mmm, no, I’m actually done.” She smiles at my response. SHE SMILED. 

Flipping the lights and locking the doors behind me, I start up the stairs to the apartment. 

“I need to say hi to Josh real quick, so I’ll just put you in my pocket for a second?” 

Her small laugh sounds like heaven, causing my own grin to grow across my face. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I softly knock on Josh’s door a few times before opening it, sliding my phone into my front pocket. 

“Hey, I have a proposition for you,” I say, leaning against the doorframe. 

“I’m listening.”

“Would you like to take the earlier shift tomorrow and then be able to see Quinn?” I raise my eyebrows, knowing that if it involves Quinn, he will always say yes. 

“Obviously,” his voice suspicious. 

“Done deal. I’ll close so you two can spend some time together.” 

He cocks an eyebrow at me before questioning me, “You’re being too nice to me… what’s going on?” 

“Nothing’s going on, I just know you’ve been working a lot, and Quinn’s free tomorrow, sooo,” I giggle. 

His eyes squinted, “I'm not going to argue it.. How was your night?” His tone going back to normal. 

“Not terrible, but I’m exhausted,” I lie. 

“YOU’RE TIRED?” Loudly escapes him, clutching his heart dramatically. 

I laugh, “Shocking, isn’t it?” To which he just nods. 

“Sleep well. Love you bub.”

“Love you too, kiddo!” ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Sorry about that,” I whisper, softly shutting my bedroom door. 

“You shouldn’t lie to your brother.” 

My eyebrow raises at her comment, “And what am I lying about?” 

She crosses her arms over her chest, “I’m exhausted,” she mocks me. I can’t help but laugh at her; I wasn’t prepared for her to make fun of me. 

“Well, shit,” I sit back on my bed, “you got me, huh?” 

I can see some color creep into her cheeks, making my heart shake. 

“Hold on, I’m just gonna set you down,” I toss my phone onto my pillows. Grabbing the navy sweatshirt sitting on the end of my bed. I slide my shirt off, quickly pull the sweatshirt over me, then toss my jeans into my closet. 

I move myself up to lean against the wall, grabbing my phone and taking her in while she’s looking off to the side. The freckles on her cheeks look like they were individually painted on. Perfect. 

I catch a glimpse of myself, rubbing just underneath my nose a few times before just settling into my usual fidget.  

“You look cute,” she says, just above a whisper. I feel my face warm as I gaze at her through my phone screen. I gently pick at my lip as I fight the smile threatening to come out. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, um,” she quickly says, I can see the subtle panic on her face. 

“No, no, it’s okay. I uh,” I stammer a bit, “I just think that you’re the cute one here,” I spit out as fast as I can. 

“Jacob quit it!” 

 “Unfortunately, I can’t,” I giggle, “Trying to break that pesky lying habit or whatever.”

She rolls her eyes at that, fighting the smirk on her face. We both just stare at each other for a second before she finally breaks the silence. 

“So, you’re working again tomorrow night?” 

 “Mhm,” I watch as she rubs her eyes. “Do you want to go to bed?” She quickly shakes her head, ‘No.’  

 She quietly adjusts herself so she’s almost lying down on her couch; this isn’t going to last long.. oh? Hearing the faint sound of a sea shanty, I know and love. 

“What are you watching?” 

 “Pirates of the Caribbean,” her lazy smile wide, “it’s the third one.” Oh god, you’re killing me. 

“Hoist the colors high” I sing along under my breath. 

 I’m genuinely unable to look anywhere except for her; the way her smile hasn’t faltered since I clocked her watching pirates. Her eyes struggle to stay open as the lights from her TV flicker across her face. 

“Go to sleep, hun,” keeping my voice soft, “You can text me as soon as you wake up.”

 She blinks incredibly slowly, followed by a sigh. “Okay,” she murmurs. She waves quickly, tucking her hand back under her chin. 

I send her a small finger wave, lingering for an extra second to take her in, “Goodnight,” I whisper before hanging up. Oh, I’m so fucked. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Sunday 

“Have you tried any of those dating apps? You know, the swipey game-like ones!” Josh says, sounding a bit too excited. 

“I think I’m good on those.” 

“What about the lovely redhead you have a crush on?” he presses further. 

“I told you, it’s not like that.” 

Not pleased with that response, he rebuts, “Well, you need to get a girlfriend at some point.” He glances over to Quinn for a second before turning back to me. They’ve been sitting at the bar since he clocked out a while ago. I swear they hang out just to torture me. 

“It is a little strange, Jake..” They start, “You haven’t dated at all since I’ve known you.” Putting on their best ‘I feel bad’ face. 

“How is it strange?” I don’t know why I asked. 

The smile on their face was telling enough, “Are you sure you’re not.. ya know?” Following it with a subtle head nod towards Josh. 

“That would be a fun twist!” Josh spits out excitedly. 

My jaw slacks at the question, “WOW. No, I promise I like women.”  Shaking my head as I lean against the back counter, folding my arms over me. 

“Sounds like something someone who’s-” 

Josh laughs before he cuts them off quickly, “Oh Bug, he’s just woefully bad at flirting and can hardly speak up enough to grab the attention of the ladies who come in.” 

“I’m right here, hello?” I scoff, quietly pulling out my phone. 

Me: not my brother’s partner questioning if i’m gay or not 

Charlotte: Well.. everybody is allowed to have questions! 

Me: I’M NOT GAY DONT SIDE WITH THEM

I look up to see Josh staring at me, only to glance quickly at my phone, which is still in my hand. Shaking my head quickly with a slight frown, I avoid answering the inevitable question: “Who are you talking to?”  I know it’s coming because I know my brother, and boy, oh boy, does he love to know everything and anything that happens.  

As more people sit at the bar, I spend more time making sure that they’re all happy and just casually glance to the end, where Josh and Quinn are sitting. How they look at each other, like the other one created the stars and hung the moon, has always been so sweet to me. I haven’t seen Josh this happy in so long, and I’ll be eternally grateful to Quinn for being so good to him. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to come into his life. 

I scan the room, seeing a handful of empty bottles and glasses. I do a quick lap through the tables to grab everything. I make sure to say ‘hello’ to any regulars who are in tonight while noticing a few fresh faces. 

Seems like a lot of couples tonight. Seeing the amount of people sitting on the same side or the causal holding hands on top of the table. It’s all adorable to see; unfortunately for me, it’s always just witnessing romance. 

Coming back to my rightful place behind the bar, I catch a glimpse of Quinn planting their lips on my brother’s cheek. I can’t catch a break. 

Bzzt. 

Charlotte: Can we Facetime when you’re done working? I’ve napped too much today and I’m going to be awake all night. 

Me: i’m honored, of course we can  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Flipping the lock after the last customer strolls out, I can already feel my phone vibrate. 

“Well, aren’t you just breathtaking?” 

There she is, with her long red hair tied into possibly the most messy bun imaginable, in a too-big sweatshirt, curled up in what must be her bed this time. She looked like she had been napping all day, yet she was still insanely beautiful. 

“It’s SO late, and you can’t hold that against me!” 

“To be fair, you called me- I didn’t force this.” I tease, holding my one free hand up. 

Her smile widens at my point, “touché, Jacob.” 

After closing the bar and running upstairs, I prop my phone on the counter and rummage through the fridge. 

“What are you going to make?” 

“That is a great question,” I say, staring into my fridge with minimal options. Cooking at 2:30 am has always been a humbling experience, but at least I have company this time. 

Grabbing the leftover soup Josh made, I pull out the smaller saucepan we have. I take the time to reheat it properly because it means getting to sit on FaceTime with her. 

“What did you spend all day doing?” I ask mindlessly, “Besides harassing me while I worked.” I look at her, trying to contain my smirk. 

“Oh, hush,” she waves her hand at the camera, “mostly watching movies and trying to not let myself work since it’s Sunday- well.. was Sunday and all.” 

She still hasn’t told me what happened, even though I unfortunately figured it out. I won’t make her uncomfortable by asking, though seeing the way her face fell when she mentioned trying not to work makes me wonder if she has a hard time doing anything else. 

“I’m glad you let yourself rest,” I tell her, “you’re allowed to take days for yourself.” 

The look on her face is sinister as she says, “You should probably take your own advice there, Sir.” Letting out a small cackle, she knows she clocked me a little too fast on that.

I can’t decide if my body is warm because of her calling me out or the fact she called me ‘Sir.’ Either way, I dramatically let my jaw slack, clutching my chest just to hear her laugh again. 

“You got me there, Red,” I admit. 

“Have you taken a day off since I first came in?”

I simply shake my head. Maybe I do work too much, but what else am I supposed to do when I enjoy being there? The benefit of it being just downstairs as well is that I can visit my favorite place in the world within a matter of a minute. I know I could take days off and probably stand to at this point, but I also don’t know what else to spend my time doing. I’ve been eating, sleeping, and breathing for this bar since I bought it almost two years ago. I spend most of my time with my brothers, and most of my friends have moved away for college or just to escape the cold. Can’t blame them.  

“Jacob?” 

Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts, causing her to giggle when I jumped at the sound. 

“Lost you there for a minute, huh?” 

I chuckle, “Maybe for a second, but I’m back now.”

We move off the topic of work quickly as she tells me about the movies she watched in between naps today. She loves older movies, and I tell her I’m sure she and Josh would have a field day talking about them. She’s watched everything from Casablanca to A Walk To Remember and The Notebook. It’s cute how much she loves romance.

“What other movies do you like?” 

My eyes widened when I realized my other favorite movie was a rom-com. 

“Hah, well, besides Pirates obviously, I uh-” I hesitate for a moment, worried she will think I’m just trying to play into it. 

“You, uh, what? We’ve done this once before. You know you’re going to tell me,” she taunts me, and she’s absolutely correct. I want nothing more than to tell her anything she wants to know, which is definitely not stressing me out. 

“Love Actually,” I spit out quickly, rubbing my hand over my face. I’m not embarrassed that I enjoyed it; it’s a good movie- a great movie, even. I just don’t think anybody aside from Josh knows that. We’ve spent countless Christmas seasons watching it multiple times leading up to the holiday. 

“Are you serious?” she sounds mildly shocked. 

I nod my head, waiting for her to poke fun at me. 

“That’s precious.” 

I was unprepared for her response, fully ready to defend myself, and all I could say was, “Oh.” 

“If it weren’t October, I would put it on,” she says, and honestly, this woman will be the death of me. 

“Good thing November is right around the corner,” I manage to mumble out, still taken aback by the subtle compliment. We sit in comfortable silence for a moment. I can’t help but try to make eye contact through a screen, but when she looks into her camera, it feels like a small jolt shoots through my body. What is going on? 

I finally make it to my bedroom a while later; it’s now nearing 4:00 a.m. My phone is dying, and my exhaustion is creeping in, but not nearly as much as hers. Slowly but surely, she’s gotten more and more comfortable as we talk about anything that comes to mind. 

I let my phone sit in my lap as I pull my shirt over my head, leaning forward to toss it onto the pile of laundry I should take care of. Grateful it’s a bit easier to get rid of my jeans without her seeing it. Still, I can’t help noticing how her eyes wander to my necklace. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t take the subtle scent of beer anymore,” I speak lower, unintentionally. 

She quietly clears her throat, “Oh, haha, that makes sense.” Her eyes darted away from the screen as if she were caught. 

It was quiet for a moment until she let out a yawn, trying to hide it in her elbow. Her eyes stayed closed for a second longer. 

“Why don’t you go to sleep?” I whisper, “It’s 4:00 am.”

Her eyes slowly open to look at me. I can’t tell what she’s feeling besides being exhausted. She sighs slightly before whispering back, “But I want to talk to you.”

My breath catches at her statement. She wants to talk to me?  My heart feels like it could explode at any moment, and my hands start to shake. 

I nervously laugh, “What if I go to sleep too?”  

Her lazy smile creeps across her face. “Promise?” She sticks out her pinky to me.

“Promise,” I return the gesture quickly, “You can even bug me later if you want.”

Her tired giggle engraved into my brain, “Just you wait.” 

“I’ll be on the edge of my seat.”

“Goodnight, Jake.”  Jake.

“Sweet dreams, Red.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Six

Chapter Eight

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

Reply or fill out this form to be added to the Taglist!

Taglist:

@gvfsstardust @myleftsock @mindastreamofcolours @dont-go-home-without-me @literal-dead-leaf

@lizzys-sunflower @mackalah @klarxtr @edgingthedarkness @writingcold

@i-love-gvf @takenbythemadness @earthgrlsreasy @peaceloveunitygvf @gretavanfan

@jazzyfigz @smoking-jakelane @demonrat444 @threadofstars

@hollyco @anythingforjtk @woyayaofdreams @musicspeaks @wrldabomination @josh-iamyour-mama

[bluestar22x]

Unknown: Chapter 4

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x OFC!Hazel Collins

Series Summary: When a 12 year old girl shows up on Dieter's doorstep claiming to be his daughter his world is changed forever.

Rating: 18+ series (explicit content)

Word Count: 2,050(ish)

Warnings: Lots of fluff, a subtitle mention of depression, and abandonment issues

Author's Note: This one's all about Dieter and Ally. Dieter and Hazel are on a very slow burn but they'll get there. ;)

xxx

"Should I take the knife block off the counter?" Dieter asked nervously, glancing over at the concerning item in the corner of his kitchen.

"She's twelve, not six, sir," James replied politely, though his eyes gave away the humor he found in his boss having no idea how to treat a preteen.

"Right. Right."

Dieter hadn't felt this much anxiety in a while. He'd never had a kid in his mansion before, let alone for the weekend, and that's exactly what he'd volunteered for.

A few days ago Hazel had mentioned that she would have a couple long night shifts at work that weekend and that Ally would be watched by a sitter so they wouldn't be able to meet up with him. Not wanting to go the weekend without seeing Ally, Dieter had suggested that their daughter could stay with him from Friday afternoon to Sunday morning instead.

It had only been two weeks since their trip to the pier, but Dieter figured he must have proved himself to be responsible and trustworthy enough because Hazel had agreed to it, albeit with some initial hesitancy and a long list of rules she'd made him repeat back to her over the phone.

There was a couple small knocks on the front door and Dieter abandoned James in the kitchen to answer it.

Ally was on the other side, alone, with a lavender suitcase over half her height to her right.

"Ally, where's your mom?" Dieter inquired, arching a brow.

"She's running a little late, so she dropped me off at the gate," she answered, shrugging.

Dieter couldn't help but wonder if that was the only reason, but that was coming from the paranoid portion of his mind. They were on good terms, there was no reason she'd be avoiding him.

He ushered Ally inside, taking control of her suitcase in the process. "Mi casa, su casa."

"Cool." She grinned. "So, which room am I staying in?"

Dieter nodded at the stairs to the second floor. "Second room to the left."

Ally led the way up the stairs but took her time, waving at James as they passed him and glancing at everything in the vicinity of the stairway. White walls and a ton of paintings mostly. "Did you paint any of these?"

"A few," Dieter replied, shrugging like it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't to him. It wasn't often he felt one of his paintings was worth displaying, though he spent a lot of his free time making them.

"Cool," Ally said again, and he smiled at her sincerity.

He cleared his throat when they reached her room and had to halt in front of the closed door. "Lilac is your favorite color, right?"

"In particular...," she paused, "Why?"

He twisted the doorknob and pushed against the door to reveal a spacious room that was entirely lilac and white. The walls, the bedspread, the desk, the chair, the clothes chest at the end of the bed, the curtains, even the flower paintings on the walls. The room did not match the rest of the house at all, to his interior designer's dismay, but he was hoping Ally would approve.

"What do you think?" he asked. "Got my painter and interior designer in here quick to set it up for you, so don't touch the walls, they're still drying."

She gaped at her surroundings then at him, eyes wide. "This is all mine?"

"Yeah."

She lit up and dove for the bed, covering her mouth with both hands when she looked up again and knelt on the mattress. "Oh my god Dee! This is amazing!"

He smirked at the overwhelming joy on her face. "Soooo...you like it?"

She stared at him like he'd grown two heads. "Do I like it? I LOVE it!"

"There's more," he announced, letting go of her suitcase and making his way to a sturdy stand next to the room's bay window, where something was hidden under a flowery throw blanket.

"More?" Ally questioned in disbelief as she slid back off the now ruffled bedspread.

"I also recall you liking Nemo fish," Dieter said.

"Clownfish, but yeah, when I was seven I was obsessed with them," she confirmed.

"Well, I hope you're still interested in them, cause..."

"No way..."

Dieter tugged the blanket towards him to reveal a forty gallon saltwater fish tank, complete with some sea anemones, rocks, and two orange Clownfish with white stripes that were outlined in black.

Ally gasped. "I'm dreaming."

She knelt in front of the tank and studied the fish with wonder in her expression as they explored their tank.

"Got them yesterday," Dieter informed her. "The fish people set it up properly."

He'd paid extra for it, since he himself had no idea how to care for fish. James was going to help with any maintenance of the tank since he had one himself, though his was freshwater.

Eventually Ally stood back up and surprised him by immediately throwing her arms around his waist and squeezing him tightly as she laid her head against his chest. A moment passed before he recovered from the suddenness of it and embraced her too, patting her back lightly as a warmth flooded his chest.

"Thank you! Thank you!" she exclaimed when she pulled away.

Dieter beamed at her. "You're welcome, kid. Just figured you'd like something to look forward to when you come over."

Ally frowned. "But I do anyway."

"You'll get bored of me eventually," he said, "After all, I'm just your old man."

She seemed to want to say something else, but the words never came out of her. Instead she changed the subject.

"Can we go swimming today?" she inquired.

"Yes, as long as you wear a cover up," he told her. "Not going to hand you back to your mom looking like a lobster."

Ally giggled. "Yeah. Yeah. She packed me one."

x

Less than a half hour later they were dipping into the in ground pool in his fenced backyard. A backyard that was fairly good sized for LA, but looked absolutely tiny due to how much space the pool took up.

"This isn't a pool; it's a hot tub," Ally complained after ducking under the water and wiping droplets off her face.

"It's heated to eighty degrees, not one hundred," Dieter argued.

"That's still hot."

"Give it twenty years, you'll think different."

Ally gave him a dubious look then rolled onto her back to do some back strokes around him.

"Nice, you take swimming lessons?" Dieter questioned.

She stood up on her tip toes, the water level just low enough for her to keep her head and some of her chest out of it. "No, mom taught me some of the basics. We used to go to the local public pool all the time. What about you 'old man'?"

"I was a lifeguard for a summer during high school," he answered.

Her eyes broadened a little. "Did you save anyone?"

He shook his head. "Nah. It was for a hotel pool. Nothing too exciting usually happens at those. Not that I wanted anything to happen. It was an excuse to sit outside and get paid to do nothing mostly."

She nodded. "Nice."

For a while they were mostly quiet, going through some of their favorite swimming techniques and enjoying the warm sun without the sweat.

Ally noticed the half dozen pool noodles he kept under the back porch and dragged a couple of them in keep herself afloat without effort, letting the water being filtered back into the pool push her around it slowly.

"Sooo...why all the dark paintings?" she eventually asked.

Dieter blinked at her from his seat on the underwater stairs and rubbed at his bare chest. "Uh, they just speak to me."

She looked confused. "How?"

He sighed and thought about it for a bit, unsure if he should be honest or not. He decided on a tamed honesty.

"I grew up without a mom," he explained. "She left when I was three. And while my dad was a good one, he couldn't keep me from wondering why; wondering if it was my fault. And then I grew up and faced the same demons she'd had and realized that was why she'd run away. And even though I've mostly gotten past my own issues, there's something that's still cathartic about those dark paintings. Like they help suck the sadness and anger out of me. Does that make sense?"

Ally nodded soberly before speaking. "Is that why you took my mom's side?"

"No," he said firmly, "I took her side cause she was right."

Ever the stubborn preteen, she frowned at that. "If you say so."

He shook his head at her but didn't say anything else. Sometimes understanding only comes with age.

He only looked away for a moment before there was a sound of splashing and he felt pool water pour down over his head. His eyes darted to Ally, the only reason the water could've landed on him and she smirked. "You need to lighten up."

"Do I?" Dieter growled. "Cause I think what I really need is revenge."

He lunged towards her playfully and she let out a squeal as he relentlessly splashed her back. When he stopped she was a dripping mess, her dark hair flat and almost completely enshrouding her face.

She was gasping and giggling. "Okay! Okay! You win!"

Dieter couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so hard.

x

After eating delivery pizza for supper and watching Moana together, Dieter and Ally got ready for bed in their separate bathrooms, both finishing at nine o' clock sharp.

When he met her back in her bedroom, she was laying in bed on her stomach. She tilted her head towards the hallway as soon as he entered, a confused expression on her face. "Why is your bedroom two doors down?"

"Cause it's far away enough I can watch late night TV when you're asleep," he answered, "And you can sneak in some late night Tik Tok on your phone if you want." He winked at her and she laughed.

"But I'd prefer if you got some rest," he added. "I have plans for tomorrow."

That piqued her interest, and she sat up in bed. "What kind of plans?"

"Nothing too exciting," he replied. "But I spend a lot of my Saturdays at home painting and I thought maybe we could paint together."

She beamed at him.

"You like that plan?"

"I do."

"Then get some rest," he ordered. "Otherwise, your painting will be as sleepy as you will look."

He was going to leave after that, but hesitated as something occurred to him. "You still get tucked in?"

Ally shrugged. "Sometimes."

"Want me to do it? It still gets a little chilly in here sometimes with the AC."

"Sure." Her answer was short, but held a lot in it. Surprise, shyness, and a touch of delight. Even if she had secretly thought she was too old for it, it sounded like she wouldn't have refused. Maybe because she wanted him to do it as much as he wanted to.

She slipped her legs under the sheets of the mostly unmade bed and Dieter pulled them up to her shoulders, making sure to tuck the edges around her so she was well bundled.

"Goodnight kid."

She smiled sleepily up at him. "Goodnight, Dee."

The same warmth he'd felt earlier when she hugged him spread through his body and he fought off the urge to kiss her forehead, too fast, too soon, with the task of turning off the light on her night stand.

With one last glance at her still form in the dark, he left the room, closing the door gently behind him.

He had nearly reached his bedroom when his cell phone buzzed.

When he plucked it out of one of his pockets he found a text waiting for him from Hazel.

Ally in bed?

He immediately texted her back. Yes.

How'd it go?

Day went well. We swam and ate some pizza. Watched a Disney movie. No nuts were spotted.

Haha. She didn't fight you on going to bed?

No. I promised painting in the morning.

Ah. Bribe. Smart. You didn't shower her with gifts, I hope.

Just set up her room and got her a couple Nemo fish.

Dieter!

Night Hazel.

Dieter dropped his phone off on the desk in his room and ignored the next buzz he heard.

Hazel could lecture him Sunday for spoiling their daughter.

xxx

Tagged: @harriedandharassed @trulybetty

xxx

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

xxx

[alyx-the-witch]

Hello! my name is Alyx, and im a Hellenic Witch! i wanted to talk about my practice a little bit, and let other people know that its ok to be unconventional when it comes to your practice. you do what you think is best, and intuition is your best friend when it comes to designing your practice.

anyways, heres some things i do throughout the week to worship my Gods.

personally, i got very overwhelmed when i started worshipping, so i set up a schedule, giving each deity and myself a day of the week that coincided with their historical days of worship.

Sunday

This day is for Lord Apollon. for him, i wake up before the sun and have a glass of orange juice while i watch the sunrise. i also go for a walk, and feed the corvids (crows and ravens) in my neighborhood.

Monday

this day is for Lady Artemis. for her, i record the moon phase, go to a park near my house, and bring some food with me for any animals i might come across. this is also one of the days i cleanse my space and myself.

Tuesday

this day is for Lord Ares. for him, i go to the gym, spend any free time i have with my dogs, and take good care of my mental health.

Wednesday

this day is for Lady Hestia. this day is apart from her historical day, but i trusted my intuition and chose this day because she feels very centering and in the middle of everything, and wednesday’s give that energy for me. for her, i bake or cook something, veil, and make sure that im choosing kindness over everything else.

Thursday

this day is for Lord Thanatos. for him, i wear something dark, honor the dead by visiting the cemetery near my house and leaving offerings, and finding a butterfly in something. finding a butterfly is a bit unconventional, but butterflies remind me of the beauty and peacefulness of death. its actually funny because when i first started to worship him, he would send me monarchs. one of those times, i found one almost dead and drowned in a puddle, and i took care of it in its final moments.

Friday

this day is for me. i set aside time to take care of myself, i make sure i eat well and drink water, i go to the gym, and i try to get more sleep. because i am currently worshipping 6 Deities, i have one day left over, and so i treat myself on that day how i would treat a deity. obviously i never compare myself to them and never hold myself on the same level as them, but its important for me to set aside a day for myself.

Saturday

this day is for Lady Aphrodite. for her, i take an everything shower, do my makeup, and honor Water. to me, she is a Water Deity, because in her birth myth, the blood of Uranus and the sea mixed together, and she rose from the foam, so involving water in her worship is important to me.

Other Things i do for my Gods

i took a vow of chastity for Lady Hestia

i make my own offerings out of clay (im a ceramics student so thats easy for me)

i wrote my own prayers for them

i braid colors into my hair that reminds me of them (i do one color per day and on each of their days i braid it into my hair using string)

i use my hair as a tool for my practice, and take care of it well. i use it to express periods of my life, and periods of change. for example, i cut it all off when i decided to change myself, and morned my old self while it was short, and now that it grew back out, i am out of that period and into a different one.

i offer myself as a conduit for them to experience the human condition of the 2000’s. they can inhabit my body for a period of time and live my life, taste my food, experience working a modern job (🤢🤢🤢), stuff like that.

i have a playlist for each of them with songs they like/songs that remind me of them/ give off the same vibe. i listen to their playlist on their day

anyways, my posts will most likely be about my practice and anything i think might be helpful, please talk to me about any questions you have!

[greenerteacups]

(1) I spent four months trying to find the log in details of my old tumblr account just to send in this message. You decide to write the seminal dramione fic of this decade for the fandom and you didn't think to warn us? Who do you think you are to take me on this kind of a journey. I pay TAXES. I have to get my oil changed. I lost my favorite satin scrunchie. I have things to fucking DO. Now all my Fridays have been ROBBED???????

this overwhelmingly kind ask came in three pieces, and I am posting only the question here, but rest assured that i read and treasured the second part as any author must treasure the high compliment of having ruined someone's life, a little bit, in a fun way. please pay your taxes! i hope you have found the scrunchie.

(3) And for my question: Draco has a pretty significant cognitive dissonance when it comes to Hermione + her muggle parents, and his blood supremacy, that he's only just began to confront. BARELY. Her being the exception to most of his rules in general helps that. How has writing that cognitive dissonance been? Have there ever been points where Draco's thinking made you uncomfortable, or mad? It's easy to be sympathetic to him in this fic but still.

the answer to this is: yes, definitely! or rather, it's the kind of thing that i would find uncomfortable if i weren't making him do it. an author has an almost dictatorial control over her relationship with her characters, so i can't ever really be as angry at my draco as i would be a character in someone else's story, or god forbid a real person, because he is, after all, my draco. it's like riding a roller coaster when you control how fast it goes: i can hit the gas or the brakes, but i can't then be shocked when we accelerate. that being said, draco's thinking about hermione's blood status is the kind of thing that would absolutely rub me the wrong way. from a personal perspective, when they have arguments about it, i'm usually on (or mostly on) hermione's side; i think this is just one of those issues where draco's position is not justifiable on any grounds not related to "i am used to doing this bad thing and many people have done it also." now, there are definitely cases where hermione gets up in his face and says some unkind things about him and his parents. but the imperfection of her communication style doesn't impute the perfection of her argument, which is, essentially: "my parents are human beings of equal value to yours, and you should treat them and me as such." and frankly, draco's so entrenched in this belief system that it's hard to imagine her ever getting through to him unless she's willing to drop the civil guise, from time to time, and get in his face. (major spoilers for book four down below, by the way.)

the cognitive dissonance of draco's position on muggleborns vs. Hermione specifically is embodied by that little word in the middle: versus. hermone is a special case. in any and every context. gradually, we've watched the meaning of that evolve from "special mudblood" to "special Gryffindor" to "special witch" to "special Person," full-stop. as long as hermione is the exception to every rule in draco's life — and it kind of helps that in a lot of ways, she is — he can frame his changing stance not as a fundamental shift in philosophy, but as an acceptable bit of rule-breaking. he thinks he's doing what narcissa suggested he do at the end of book three: just handwave a little bit. it's fine, we're not burning Parliament down, i'm allowed to have this.

but hermione keeps putting pressure on that, because — and i love her for this — she refuses to be that for him. she doesn't want to be his exception. she doesn't want to be his "acceptable bit of rule-breaking". she's not his fucking manic pixie dream mudblood. she wants him to be better, and like her open-eyed and open-armed for what she is. and if he's not going to do that, then he's at least going to know why she's mad at him when he doesn't! so by the end of book four, that crystallizes in the first true breakthrough of the book: hermione tells him, listen, i am a muggle-born and that matters, and i care for you, but if you don't believe me, this is the end of the line for us. and because of various things he's been through, many of them at her side, draco is finally able to make that connection: hermione is special and she's muggle-born, and those two things are allowed to coexist. they have to be, because if they can't, then he isn't allowed to have her. and then, immediately after, we see his resolution in dumbledore's office after viktor's death: it's not a regression to "hermione is special and that's why it's okay to bend rules for her," but a progression to: "hermione is special and so am i, and that's why i can break all the fucking rules i want to, because they can't matter if they get between us." this is not what we would call an extremely healthy world philosophy, but in his defense, he's fifteen and traumatized, and also recently discovered the life-altering properties of Being On The Right Side of an Era-Defining Social Conflict. he's still processing, to say the least.

[carolmunson]

He sits in the waiting room the whole time, mindlessly scrolling on his phone. He switches back and forth from watching some random YouTube video of a music review to the groupchat with Steve and Robin which is basically just memes upon memes at this point. Eddie giggles to himself as he shares a horrible edited photo of Matthew Morrison to the duo with the caption “me after one hit.” Robin has a special distain for the former glee star so he knows she’ll soon flood his messages with middle fingers and fuck yous.

When you come out from your cleaning, he immediately stands up and takes off his headphones. The small pout on your face is too cute and it makes him wanna giggle but he doesn’t as he wraps an arm around you while you pay at the counter. Your next appointment is schedule and suddenly he’s dragged you out the door.

“Two options for you.” He says, pressing his lips to the crown of your head as the two of you walk away from the dentist office. “We could go grab a coffee, hit up a bookstore, and go to the park. There’s a Barnes & Noble over on 7th. I checked.

“Or we can just go home and take a fat ass nap on the couch.”

“Don’t you have to go back to work?” You mumble, eyes on the sidewalk ahead of you. Small little piles of fallen leaves are bunching up along your path. It’s a nice day. You should stay out and about a little, soak up the rare autumn sun.

“No, I switched my shift so I’m off today but I gotta work on Friday. I’m all yours.” Your eyebrows raise up a little. You can’t help the warmth rushing to you cheeks at the fact he took an entire day off for you. Eddie has worked so hard to have Friday as a day off that him choosing to work it so he could spend time with you feels insane almost.

“Can we get coffee and then go home?” You say, “actually I might just get a muffin or something. I dunno.”

“Yeah, f’course we can.” He says moving the arm around your shoulder to link hands with you. “My treat for my brave girl.”

ugh i WISH. (except i didn’t have to pay because i’m on ~medicaid~ thanks obama)

he would tease me the whole way there for being scared. normally i’m not scared of the dentist but it’s been so long and god it was the most painful cleaning of my LIFE. (i have some cavities but she said that for not seeing a dentist for so long that it’s actually not so bad and the cavities are tiny) i haven’t even wanted to eat anything since leaving cause my mouth has a pulse.

i’d make him make me mashed potatoes and give me lots of kisses. i AM his brave girl.

[dvilsdesire-a]

MUN MONDAY: GETTING TO KNOW YOU

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: You can call me Owl, or Sam. :) Whatever you prefer.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: He/Him

MUSE NAME: Haarlep.

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: I'm fine with either IM's or Discord. Time zones are a bit shit for me since I live in Australia, but I'll catch you when I can.

EXPERIENCE: I've been Rping way over a decade now. On tumblr? Since... 2012, I think? But waaay before then, back in probably 2007 or something. I've Rped on multiple platforms.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: I greatly prefer para/novella. I like delving into a character's mind and thought process. I know I write a LOT of inner monologue for my muses as well, I actually STRUGGLE with short replies, so when someone gives me a single para or line... it's really difficult for me to match that short length, but it's also something that I don't really vibe with. I greatly prefer longer replies. I want to delve into characters and see how they react, I want to learn all of those little things about your muses as well. I'm a sucker for character development. I'm also a fan of the nitty gritty.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: One line responses. Please, for the love of god... give me something to work with. It's a quick way for me to show disinterest and likely not really reach out to write with unless it's something that I am REALLY enjoying for small snippets. But please, I greatly prefer longer replies. Short ones also make me feel like you're just not interested in what my characters have to say :/ Please read my rules, whilst I know we can't remember EVERYONE'S rules (seriously, I forget as well!), it is obvious when people don't. If my muse is a muse of power or something, then please treat them as such. If your muse ends up wanting to attack or something, and they are of a lower class... then they won't win. It's just that simple. Respect the power of certain muses.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I like both and am fine with both. Whilst I LOVE plotting and getting to know muses and getting an idea of where we can go, I also understand that sometimes our brains are just too tired from real life and memes can be something simpler and quicker. I think both of them are very good for very different reasons, which I'm fine with both. By all means, memes are EXCELLENT ice breakers imo, and then we can always plot something once we've established a little starter. :)

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: Long, lol. As covered in my previous responses.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: I get a lot more done when I'm writing in the mornings. Obviously due to work, I am tired in the evenings, so I get very little done (Haarlep has certainly reawakened my muse tho I'm shocked at how much I've been writing on my work nights lol). I mostly write on Fridays as it's the only day I have to myself, so I try and churn out as many replies as I can, but once it hits the afternoon, I'm pooped lol. So yeah, mornings are definitely best!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: Haarlep? Absolutely not. Haarlep caught me by utter surprise when it came to being a muse of mine. I saw him once, had a little laugh, and suddenly he wouldn't leave my mind, and then I just... had the persistent urge to write them. I'm very happy that he did come to me, though, as he's really been helpful in making me come back to RP on a more regular basis and I've had such a good time exploring him. But no, we're absolutely nothing alike. Haarlep is an incubus, and I'm asexual as fuck lol. If anything, and don't take this the wrong way because it's probably going to sound BAD lol, but I have more in common with Raphael than I do with Haarlep X'D and that's... saying something, since I am not an evil devil hahaha. The only thing I think I could say about me and Haarlep being similar is the fact that I can mask like a beast in public. (: Even then, that's entirely different to what Haarlep is doing, I'm just masking because I'm austistic and people have expectations of me in society lol, Haarlep is masking because he's trying to seduce and eat someone hahaha.

Tagged by: @shimmerbeasts Tagging: @astralrogue @chaoticbard @dcwncametheclaw @galefcrce @azzagrazt and anyone else! Tag me so I can read :)

[apilgrimsjournal]

Bless the LORD, O my soul

Isaiah 41:17–18

[17] When the poor and needy seek water,

and there is none,

and their tongue is parched with thirst,

I the LORD will answer them;

I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.

[18] I will open rivers on the bare heights,

and fountains in the midst of the valleys.

I will make the wilderness a pool of water,

and the dry land springs of water.

Lord, how true is this in my life! You give grace upon grace.

Whenever I need anything, anything at all, You are the ever flowing spring of life who delights to give.

Just this last week, I witnessed this again. The recent overwhelming confusion and pain drained me to the dumps but You bid me go on. So I did, not wanting to make my life about myself. I reluctantly fetch strength from You, for hesitant as I might seem there is one thing I am sure of: I know Your deep well never runs dry. And I went on with work, ministry, and stayed connected with my fellow believers. I was assigned as a prayer leader for our dgroup last Friday and the topic was about praying for enemies. Sometimes, You really do know how to humor me, Lord. You know I would dread that but seeing that it was necessary for my soul, You gave it to me. So even with a distressed soul, I prayed and fought the war to keep choosing You instead of myself. Of course, I take no credit in this. I know it is You who supports and leads me, like a toddler depending on a parent's hand to walk him properly. Saturday came, and I did laundry, asked wisdom from a core leader, had a date with Gabby, dgroup after that, and helped as floor director in B1G service. The speaker had more instructions than the previous ones but I was glad Ate Joy was there to assist me; she was another grace from You. Sharl just came back from Isabela and she invited me to have dinner and catch up with her to which I happily obliged. We went to The Olive Tree at Molito as she wanted, and when I saw the price of the food, I worried a bit. It was more than I was willing to spend on a dinner but I thought to myself, "It's Sharl anyway, I'm willing to spend this much for her." But when we were done eating, she made our dinner her treat. I was quite surprised but I took her kindness with much delight, Lord. Another providence from You! Before we end our dinner, I was getting anxious how I would go home. I texted Ashley who is my usual companion but she had dgroup. So I asked Ate Shalom if she could drop me off at The Village Square. She told me she would and that she was waiting for us at CCF. We walked back there and saw Kali who offered to drive me home instead and did. I was comforted by the series of kindness I have received that day.

Needless to say, I know it was all from You, Lord. Every little good thing that came from You, one after another, filled me with the wonder of Your love. I did not pray for all of it, but You gave them anyway. What riches I have in You! I am so thankful that You take great care of me even when I rarely praise You for it. I am looking forward to that day when I can thank You face to face and see the LORD who has bound Himself to love sinners like me. All blessing, honor, glory, power, majesty, and praise belong to You alone, our LORD.

[phawareglobal]

Maureen Harper - phaware® interview 495

Maureen Harper, a CTEPH patient from Canada, shares her journey with this rare condition. She initially thought she had an infection in her leg, but further tests revealed enlarged pulmonary arteries and multiple blood clots in her lungs. After being diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension, she underwent a complex surgery in Toronto to attempt to remove the clots. Maureen continues to work full-time as a pharmacy technician, remains active with her family and Girl Guide unit, and maintains a positive outlook, choosing to focus on the positives rather than dwell on the negatives.

I am Maureen Harper, and I’m from Olds, Alberta and I’m a CTEPH patient. I had a lump on the front of my leg, on my shin. It looked like an infection, so the doctors put me on antibiotics. So I did six weeks of oral antibiotics, six days of IV antibiotics, and it kept growing. They decided it was not an infection, so they sent me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist was like, “Well, that’s weird.” And by this point, of course the lump is gone because that was six months later. So, he’s like, “I think it might be something else.” He sent me for an X-ray. The X-ray showed I had an enlarged pulmonary trunk, so he’s like, “Oh, you’re not mine.” He sent me to a cardiologist.   The cardiologist put me on the treadmill to do a stress test, and my heart did great and my oxygen just kept dropping and dropping and dropping. So, they pulled me off the treadmill and I’m like, “Just give me a minute. I recover really quick. I can pop back on and we can finish this. She’s like, “No, no, you can’t.” The cardiologist was like, “Wow, that’s weird. Let’s do a V/Q scan and just rule out pulmonary embolism, so make sure you don’t have blood clots in your lungs.” We went into the V/Q scan. My husband and I were sitting there together and we’re waiting for results. They’re like, “Yeah, the radiologist wanted to talk to you. We’re going to move you to this waiting room.”   They moved us to a waiting room by ourselves. Then, some other people got moved into our waiting room. They moved us to another waiting room, and some more people got added to that waiting room. So, they moved us to a third waiting room. I looked at my husband and went, “Something’s wrong.” He was like, “What do you mean?” I’m said, “They just keep putting us in waiting rooms by ourselves.” He was like, “Oh.” The radiologist came out and said, “So you’ve got embolisms in your lungs and a lot. How are you feeling?” I’m like, “Fine.”    I got to go see my cardiologist. He said, “Yeah, you’re not my patient. We need to treat you now.” He put me on a blood thinner and said, “You need to see a pulmonologist.” That’s how I ended up in the PH clinic. I had one meeting with them and they immediately wanted to do a right heart cath to see what was going on. I was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. Then, a little while later, we did some more testing and that’s when we figured out it was CTEPH.   My doctor in Calgary actually didn’t think I would qualify for the surgery, just where all my clots and stuff were, but they sent my stuff off to Toronto anyway. It came back saying, yeah, they think they could help. I was originally booked into surgery at the end of August. I’m said, “Oh my God, I can’t do the end of August.” My daughters had just graduated. They were starting college, and I’m like, “They can’t start college without mom.” I still need to be there in case they need some support or the paperwork didn’t go through or whatever. So, we bumped it until October.   It all kind of goes really quickly. You get flown out to Toronto from Alberta, and we flew out Friday, spent Friday night in a hotel. Saturday, I got admitted into the hospital to start heparin therapy and blood thinning therapy to help make sure I’m safe for surgery. I was there Saturday and Sunday. Monday morning around 6:30, they came in and said, “It’s time to go.” They roll you down. The surgery eight to nine hours. Then, you’re sedated for 24 hours just to give your body a chance to recover. My husband did not enjoy that 24-hour period. I did not wake up from sedation really well. They took three different tries to get me to wake up.    Then, you start the recovery process. We were in Toronto for nine days, flew home. I did really well for the first week or so, and then my daughter came home from work one day and looked at me and said, “Mom, you don’t look very good.” I said, “I don’t feel very good.” I’ve got a headache, and I’m just off. She said, “All right, let’s go.” She packed me off to the hospital and they took one look at me, went, “Well, get comfy, you’re staying.”   We were in a small hospital. I spent a week there and came home for a couple of days and got sick again. That’s when I ended up in the Peter Lougheed for a week. It was a bit of a bumpy ride, but at least I was home for the bumpy part of it. The part in Toronto went pretty smooth. After we did the couple of weeks in and out of hospitals, I actually did really well. I was still working. I worked through the entire process. I would work an eight hour a day and then I could walk four kilometers at night. I was feeling great and doing really well for about 18 months, and then I couldn’t walk anymore.   They did another right heart cath and discovered that my pressures actually had gone up and instead of CTEPH being a cure for me, they were able to get out the big clots, but there’s a bunch of little clots that are very distal, so very deep in my lungs, and they couldn’t get to those. So, those ones get to stay, and I still get to have CTEPH. Medically, they called the surgery unsuccessful.   My husband and I kind of batted that around a little bit, and he said, “It wasn’t unsuccessful. They took out massive clots out of your lungs.” Even though my lung didn’t improve and doesn’t work like it’s supposed to, at least those clots are out of there. So, I might still have little ones all through, but I still have less clot that’s in there. My angiogram before surgery and post-surgery, according to my doctor, looked pretty much the same, so it really didn’t make any difference to my lungs, but at least I’m not fighting the extra clots that were in there.   Medically going forward, I am on oxygen therapy. I’m on Adempas, which is made specifically for CTEPH, and I’m on ambrisentan, which also works for PH. We’re just trying to see if we can figure out a way to figure out my symptoms versus what my blood work says. My blood work says I’m doing real good, but going for a walk says I’m not doing real good.    So not much changed in my life. I work a 40-hour work week. I’m a pharmacy technician, so I’m on my feet all day in a very busy pharmacy. I have three kids. They’re all technically grown-ups now. Then, I have a Girl Guide unit and we do crafts and activities. We go to camps and do everything all the other Girl Guide units can do, and we just kind of keep carrying on like we normally would.   If I’m taking my Girl Guides camp or anything, we go on hikes. Previously, I was able to carry my tank in a backpack, because I didn’t need as much oxygen as I do now. Now, I have my tanks in a rolly cart and it just rolls behind me. We start at the beginning of the year with, “This is my friend, I call him Big Tom.” He comes everywhere with us and he helps me breathe, and they don’t bat an eye at it. Hopefully, from that what they learn is people with disabilities can do stuff too. There’s nothing holding us back. We can do whatever we want.   I guess it was never an option for me that I wouldn’t continue working. I’ve always worked my whole life. The company I was with, I’d been with for many, many years when I got diagnosed. I’d been there about 11 years when I got diagnosed. My pharmacy team and my owner were fantastic and wanted to know what they could do to help. For a lot of the time, it didn’t make any difference. I pop a couple pills a day and they don’t know about it or they don’t do anything about it.   As things have progressed, it has changed. I took time off to go for surgery and stuff like that. Then, when I got put on oxygen, we put a concentrator in the pharmacy and ran tubing. Then, when I could go to a tank, which was easier, I put it in a backpack and I carried it in a backpack and COVID had hit. So when I got put on oxygen, I was wearing a mask. I wear my tubing down my front because I trip on it because I’m a bit of a klutz. Lots of customers didn’t even know I was on oxygen until we stopped wearing masks a couple of years ago. Then, they were all really surprised to see that that’s what I had been doing, but to me, it was never an option to quit, because I didn’t feel sick enough that I needed to quit.   As a support team, I’ve got my husband and I’ve got my three kids and they’ve always got my back. They’ll do whatever I need. If I can’t carry something, then they carry it for me. When I was using tanks at work, my son would bring my extra tanks in, so there was always tanks there for me to switch out.    I’ve been a part of PHA Canada since probably 2018 or so, but I felt like a lot of those people were sicker than I was. I didn’t need their support or it felt like I didn’t need their support. I was always kind of in the background on the Facebook group, just kind of chilling and reading. Most of the people weren’t working and most of the people were having a lot of issues and I wasn’t, so I didn’t feel like I needed the extra support that they had.   I’ve always been a busy person, and I find if you’re busy, then you don’t have time to kind of dwell on the what ifs. PH is not my only chronic condition. I had brain surgery 10 years ago. If you Google the stuff, if you look it up online, it’s terrifying. In my brain surgery group, everybody’s terrified of dying on the table and I’m like, “Oh, that didn’t even really dawn on me, because I trust my surgeons.” So through the brain surgery, through the lung surgery, neither time did it dawn on me or did I dwell on the fact that this is a life-threatening surgery, I could die on it. During the CTEPH surgery, the PTE surgery, they actually stop your heart and your lungs quite a few times as they clean out the clots, so you’re technically dead on the table, because there’s nothing flowing through your system.   But I didn’t look at it that way. Somebody else told me, “You’re dead on the table.” And I’m like, “What? No, no, they’re just busy working. They just need a clean field.” It’s all mentally how you look at it. As a pharmacy technician, in the medical field a bit, I have some more knowledge than maybe the average person, so it didn’t scare me as much as some other people who are maybe not in the field. 

I’ve dealt with a lot of negative people in my life, so I find that you can get up every morning and choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable. I just choose to be happy. I’m always kind of trying to look for the happy outcomes or the happy side of things in order to keep things positive. If you choose to be miserable, you can have a really miserable life, but I’ve decided to be happy and try to find the positive in everything.   I’m Maureen Harper and I’m aware that I’m rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware Share your story: info@phaware.com Like, Subscribe and Follow us: www.phawarepodcast.com. @phacanada 

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

[dragonnarrative-writes]

Hi Dragon! I hope today is treating you well. :D For the Writer's Ask Game: (If you've already asked these, author's choice on skipping or picking a different question to answer.) 14. How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

39. Share a snippet from a WIP(pet). (Sorry my brain needed that to rhyme and also I'm greedy for your writing.)

Hi Gemma! It's a beautiful Friday (and I am a horrible goose)!

14. I'm a very sensitive person, so when I'm reading or writing an emotional scene, I'm feeling it. I don't read angst without fluff because I will be wilted all damn day about it. Writing smut scenes does make me a little hot under the collar.

When I'm writing, I tend to start with what a character is thinking, because our thoughts lead to emotions. Why is a character excited, heartbroken, or blindingly horny? Then I'm thinking of what's going on in their bodies, how they physically feel. I build from there!

As for personal experience... some things yes, some things no. I haven't done a lot of the things I write about (Thank fuck, I would not do well in a Slasher situation), so there's very few one-to-one comparisons. But I do draw on my personal experiences to help me convey the characters' emotions.

This is actually a very tough question, and I'll be thinking about it for days!

39. A Snippet from a Wip(pet)!

Have some of the Exhibitionism prompt that can't seem to make up it's mind. Nothing too spicy!

John Price x Reader in her 40s

Your neighbor saw you masturbating through your window. You want to combust. You want to break your lease and move to Alaska. God, he’d told you, years ago now, that he could see into your bedroom from his office. You couldn’t swap rooms with your son, so you’d bought a reflective film for the window. Clever, you’d thought. And then John had come home from deployment, taken one look at your work from the courtyard, and said, “Looks good. And I’m not complaining at all, ma'am, but you should know those mirror films don't work at night.” You’d made a point to close your curtains after that, but John was so rarely home for more than a day or two that you’d been lax. You hated feeling shut in, would forgo curtains altogether if you lived out in the country alone. After the divorce, you’d picked this flat for the natural light. Why would you close your curtains? Well, they’re certainly closed now.

You know what? Have some of the original ramble (i talked about my process here) , so you can see some of the differences in my drafts. (This part is spicy.)

Okay, so: reader character is in her mid 40s, I've decided. Divorced mom of one kid who's gone off to college. She's super embarrassed when Price tells her he could see through her window.

---

And it's a nice day out, for once, and her neighbor is never home. So she leaves the curtains open when, after a shower, she luxuriates in bed with a rose toy and a good sized dildo and reminds herself that no one can do her like she can.

And Price, standing in his office, much harder than he planned on being, cannot help but wish that she'd left the window open so he could hear the way she moans. He should leave the room, should give her some privacy, but goddamn.

And remember, she's luxuriating. She's not worried about much of anything. She's got no where to be. So she gets herself off in a moderate amount of time. Gives herself a bit of a water break. And then she's right back to it after pulling up a spicy audio on her phone. It's one of her favorites, one she can really sink into.

Price, across the way, barely restrains himself from pulling his cock out in the middle of his office like he's ten years younger when he sees her arch into an orgasm. Almost comes in his pants when he sees her pull the dildo from herself. But the show is over, so he starts to shuffle out of room - slowly, so she won't notice the movement from the corner of her eye.

And then she picks up the rose toy again.

He still shuffles a little out of sight, but only far enough to pull up a chair.

Ask Game

[nel-world]

hi

--was in my apartment, Sophie spouted some really interesting lyrics.

I thought she was doing plants.

I'm holding a pose here.

I appreciate it--

I need a song by Friday…

…and it is amazingly difficult to find a sane lyricist.

Why don't you just write the lyrics yourself?

That's really not a strength of his.

That's absolutely right.

I once rhymed "you and me" with "autopsy."

Well, that's not necessarily bad.

You could do something with that. You know?

Figuring out you and me Is like doing a love autopsy

You see, you see. That's quite good.

That's not bad.

Go on. More. How does it go?

I have no idea.

Someone could have sculpted us in this time.

You know what? Let me take it.

They could operate all day long And never figure out what went wrong

My God, you are-- You are Cole Porter in panties.

Of course, having said that, Cole Porter probably did wear panties.

Anyway, thank you for inviting us.

Okay, I'm just gonna take a real quick one. Let me take it. Let me take it, Sophie.

Thank you so much. That was great.

Hang on.

Nice to meet you guys. Bye-bye.

So this is where Sophie works, eh?

Yeah. She is gonna be right out.

Excellent. Excellent. Thank you very much.

So how much do you weigh?

I fluctuate. Yeah.

Okay, look, I am terribly sorry to barge in like this…

…but I have decided I cannot take no for an answer.

I told you that--

You're not a writer.

Except when you are writing poems and short stories…

…in the New School literary magazine.

I Googled you. And you were good.

Look, I'm flattered.

I mean, you're one of six people in the world who's actually read those…

…but that doesn't mean I can write a song.

You already did. Five minutes, that's all I ask.

Please, step in. You'll enjoy this. This is a treat.

Mr. Fletcher. Nice to see you.

Very nice to see you, Mia, how are you?

Wonderful.

I just want to get-- Can I try the new Mason & Hamlin?

Sure, absolutely. Be my guest.

Thank you very much. Thanks. Please.

This is-- It's just a little something that you might possibly recognize.

Figuring out you and me

Is like doing a love autopsy

They could operate all day long

And never figure out what went wrong

Love autopsy

Love autopsy

What went wrong?

God. That melody is so beautiful.

But I've never written a song.

A song. I know, I know. And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

I just don't think I am. I think you may be a born lyricist.

We don't have very long, but what I'd like to do, in an ideal world…

…is continue the "Autopsy" song.

But I think it's gonna be very hard to get back from there…

…into "Way Back Into Love," which is the title that Cora demands.

What we could do is continue with Greg "the Angel of Death's" version.

That's plagiarism.

Yes. Yes, yes. Good. Excellent.

I would never in a million years use someone else's work.

I'm very glad you agree.

So, what we need, we need something brand-new.///////////////

So let's see. A song for Cora./////

Yes.

Has to be called "A Way Back Into Love."

Correct.

And it has to be something Cora would sing about.

Good.

And it has to be something you would sing about.

Good, yeah.

What would you sing about?

Whatever gets me the job, really.

Oh, that's inspiring.

Okay. Two people searching for love, for salvation.//////////

Good, good, I love that.

Love lost, love found.

Love lost again.

Yes, this is starting to sound a little bit like luggage, but good.

Thanks. That's really helpful.

It doesn't have to be perfect. Just spit it out.

They're just lyrics.

"Just lyrics"?

Lyrics are important. They're just not as important as melody.

I really don't think you get it.

Oh, you look angry. Click your pen.

A melody is like seeing someone for the first time.

The physical attraction. Sex.

I so get that.

But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics.

Their story. Who they are underneath.

It's the combination of the two that makes it magic.

Let's go for a walk……../////////

A walk? What, now?

Yeah.

Out on the streets you see things and, you know, hear things and eat things.//////////

It all sort of unlocks your mind.////////////

This is good. This is good.

When you hit a wall, you gotta change the subject.

So why did PoP break up?

I mean, Rhonda told me that you guys were friends growing up?

We were, yes, and then Colin met a new manager…

…who convinced him he was the star of the band.

Shortly after, he left, taking the last three songs we'd written together…

…and putting them on his solo album which went on to sell eight million records.

But how did you deal with that?

Oh, with drugs, alcohol…

…and ultimately, my own solo album.

Cool.

This copy has been in the racks for six years.

Come on.

No, no. I check every week.

You see, I made a little mark, there on the back. See?

It sold only 50,000 copies, most of those to my mother.

Rolling Stone called it "a crass, contrived effort…

…not even good enough for a dentist chair."

Well, I'm sure there were other reviews.

There were, there were. But none as good as that one.

And they were right, by the way. Yeah.

To cut a long story short, I gave up trying to write…

…lost an incredible amount of money and then my apartment.

Chris stuck by me, booked me an '80s reunion night on Long Island.

And suddenly, they liked me again.

It was weird. It was like I'd never been away.

The audience was a tad older, as was I…

…but we were very, very profoundly happy to see each other again.

And it went on from there.

Cruises. Reunions. Knott's Berry Farm, which I'm sure you're familiar with.

Busch Gardens, that's one of my big fixtures of the year.

What else can I tell you?

I really appreciate you opening up to me like this.

I know what it's like to live with a shadow overhead.

What?

Shadow.

I've been living with a shadow overhead………..

Now, that's a nice melody, isn't it?…………..

It's good……………….

Thank you. Thank you.

Mind you, what do you know? You don't even like melody.

I never said that.

You prefer the lyrics.

I don't trust you.

Your turn, what's next?

I think that we should get some breakfast………………………………

Please, come on, we're finally on a roll here. Listen again.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

There'll be no more rhymes until I'm fed

Please, seriously, seriously.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I could be inspired With just a piece of bread

I have the perfect place.

Wait a minute.

It's just on the next corner.

Keep moving and keep writing.

All right.

I've been looking For someone to shed some light

That's good. That's good.

Yeah?

Shadows and light. You're deep.

Okay, we need two more lines of Cora verse. What's next?

Soph?

Sophie?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I thought I saw someone, but it wasn't him. So it's fine.

Oh, there he is.

What?

A very nice picture, though. That's funny.

Interestingly enough, I mean-- Well, it is a bookstore.

So, you know, that does happen.

What?

Gosh, where were we? Okay.

Shadow overhead

Okay, can I just say, with all due respect, that you are clearly--

What is the word? --insane at this moment.

And because, according to Chris, we have less than 36 hours…

…before Cora goes to do Leno, at which point my career is over…

…it would be infinitely better for me if you were sane. So how can I help?

Do you know this book?

Sally Michaels? Yes, yes. Big bestseller. Yes.

Have you read it?

No, of course not.

Last book I read was The Alex Fletcher Story by the editors of Teen Dream Magazine.

Why?

I'm Sally Michaels.

I saw that they were giving these courses on writing at the New School…

…so I signed up.

And my teacher was Sloan Cates.

Brilliant, handsome.

The truth is, I was in love with him.

And we began spending every minute together.

Which is why I was sort of surprised when his fiancée showed up.

Yeah, he never mentioned that he was engaged to a history professor…

…who was on a year-long sabbatical in Spain.

And when she popped in for an unexpected visit…

…it sort of turned into a reenactment of the Inquisition.

And that-- And that was that? That was the end of that?

Yeah. We never saw each other again.

I dropped the class and a year later, his new novel showed up.

The Sally What's-it novel.

"The tale of a student with exalted literary aspirations…

…who lures a brilliant writer into an affair so she can take advantage of his connections.

But when he tries to break it off, she devotes herself to ruining his life."

Well, I mean, that obviously wasn't you.

Well, she's a lit major from Long Island, 5'4", my color hair, all my habits.

You know, talks to herself and asks too many questions.

Her parents founded a weight reduction company…

…that now her sister runs.

Well, anyway, I…

Since then, every time I pick up a pen…

…I'm haunted by those words that he wrote, you know?

"She was a brilliant mimic." You know.

"She could ape Dorothy Parker or Emily Dickinson…

…but stripped of someone else's literary clothes…

…she was a vacant, empty imitation of a writer."

First of all, you can't listen to some jerk.

He's not a jerk. He's a National Book Award winner.

Well, then, get the best revenge, write a hit song.

Honestly, I don't think a pop song is gonna impress Sloan Cates.

Oh, no, of course not. Pop is just for morons. Forgot that.

I didn't mean anything by it.

Brain-dead, or taken too many drugs.

You know what I'd say to you and Sloan Cates?

You can take all the novels in the world…

…and not one of them will make you feel as good as fast as:

That is real poetry. Those are real poets.

Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, the Beatles.

Okay. What if one of your heroes came up to you and said--

You know, Smokey, what if he said:

"Alex Fletcher, you are a horrible songwriter"?

How would you react?

I know Smokey a little bit. He's too nice a gentleman ever to say such a thing.

Dylan might. Dylan would, actually. In fact, Dylan did.

Okay, Dylan walks up to you and he says, "You are a horrible songwriter."

How do you react?

I would be horribly depressed.

Yes. I would. I would.

But then, after, you know, months of brooding…

…I would find a lyricist…

…and write a song about how horribly depressed I was.

And it would be a big hit, everyone would love me, and I'd make lots of money.

Suddenly I'd be less depressed than if I just sat around…

…being a little bit self-indulgent, letting my misery eat away at me…

…until I'd become an emotional wreck and creatively completely moribund.

Yes, moribund.

Okay, let's go. Come on.

All right.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping With a clown above my bed

"Clown" is not right. What is that word?

It's "cloud."

Write more clearly. How can I--?

Why would you have a clown in your bed?

It would not be the first time.

Yeah, I'm not surprised.

Write in capital letters.

Why don't you write it?

I'm sorry, Khan. We're gonna come back in one second.

You dictate, I'll write. And I will write like a human…

…and not like a small Pekingese dog.

What are you doing, you madwoman? You're destroying my apartment.

I can't write from across the room.

Well, you're not writing here. Get back to your corner.

I can't have you here.

I'll be blocked. I'll be completely stuck.

So go out the other side.

I've never been the other side.

Push, push. Push, push.

Good. Better.

You're still a fraction close. Just-- Just back off, just one…

Just-- Just--

There, fine, good.

Okay.

And I don't think those chords are right.//////////////

It has to sound different than the verse.////////////////

What kind of different did you have in mind?/////////////

I don't know./////// Something sadder, you know?///////////

And I still don't like my line about "places in my mind."

It's fine.

Fine isn't good.

We only have time for fine.

I tell you what. We'll change "places in my mind"…

…if I can keep the chord sequence into the bridge.

This isn't a negotiation.

It's either right or wrong, inspired or insipid.

It's 4 in the morning. We're not writing the last movement of the "Jupiter Symphony."

It's a song for someone who's last hit was "Welcome to Bootytown."

Please, get back to work.

I still don't like it.

And it's "Entering Bootytown."

And another thing, the whole top section…

I mean, it's so close. We're just not there yet.

We just-- We have to focus and stay, you know…

…completely understanding of what we're trying to say.

Okay, you may now start killing the next one.

All I wanna do Is find a way back into love

I can't make it through Without a way back into love

You know, I'm tone-deaf.

Hey, what do you think of this?

Just keep writing. Cora is leaving in an hour.

Listen, I was thinking that "corners" was such a better word than "spaces."

For "in the mind." "The corners of my mind," rather than "the spaces."

It just seems to have a better boundary to it, you know?

Should I speak to you about this later? Okay.

It sounds so good. I can't believe it.

And now…

…vocals.

No, you see, you have to sing into the microphone. It won't follow you.

But I can't.

It's a duet for a man and a woman.

We are as close as we've got.

Your headphones and a level. You look nice. You should wear them all the time.

How is that?

Yes?

Okay!

It's okay.

And…

…"Way Back Into Love." Take one.

Oh, God. I'm getting really nervous.

You'll be fine. Just use your normal nice voice…

…that I've heard so much of in the last three days.

It's like my throat's closing up. It's like anaphylactic.

It's fine. It's just a three-minute song.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a…

Just a little bit louder. This song is intended for humans.

"Way Back Into Love." Take two.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping With a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes And dreams away

Just in case I ever need 'em Again someday

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 1988 I’ve been up since 2:00 this morning and fell asleep around 7:30. Sasha, the stray cat I took in, woke me up. I was just falling asleep again at 3:00 when Andy M called. Our parents were friends for 30 years, but that ended in the 70s and I haven’t seen him since.

We talked about music and he played his keyboard for me. He’s quite good. I played a little guitar for him. He said he likes my style and was looking for a guitarist to play some songs he’d written. He also told me he was gay, too.

Tomorrow I see Nissan! I can’t wait. I really hope all goes well. She doesn’t come on till 1:30 and at 10:00 I have to see my doctor.

Later…

It’s now lunchtime and I’m at the Chinese place right next to La Baron.

I can’t wait to see Nissan. I just hope all goes well and I get some answers to some of my questions, like does she want me? I doubt it. I’m probably not good enough for her. It seems all I get is druggies or weak-minded losers. And why can’t I have anyone I’m attracted to???

Tonight I’ve got to finish recording those tapes. Also, I want to write her a copy of my songs such as My Time Has Come and Carry Me Away. I hope she likes them and doesn’t think they’re stupid.

It’s pouring out now just as they predicted it would on the news this morning. With my luck, it’ll pour when I get out of school.

I have to go back now and finish winding my perm rods.

Ok, I am back in the classroom. Miss Loretta and Diane are in here now talking so I guess I’ll write more.

Mom and Dad are visiting Goldie and Al, long-time family friends. She called me yesterday which was when she had said she was leaving but didn’t because of the rain.

I can’t wait till that house sells so I can hopefully move. When I do, they’re giving me the stuff in the house, then I’ll sell mine. Their washer and dryer will surely come in handy. I’m sick of lugging my laundry down the street.

I hope she doesn’t tell me to finish my perm rods yet because I want to write those notes of what to say to Nissan on the bus for Kevin if he ever tags along with me.

TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 1988 I finally met somebody and she’s gorgeous! She’s a PVTA bus driver. Her name is Nissan as in Nissan cars and trucks. I’ve had Nissan on my mind quite a bit.

Two Saturdays ago I took the Belmont bus up to see Dr. Donoghue, my new therapist/shrink, and the driver was this guy I’d seen quite often. He wanted to get together with me and I told him I’d prefer a woman. Then he kept questioning me about why I’m gay. You know how males are. So, near the end of the line, we passed this woman bus driver who he said was gay.

After seeing the doctor, I got the bus she drove, and oh my God! She was beautiful! I thought to myself, could she really be gay? Sure enough, she is, but she’s taken, but I think, or I should say I hope, I still stand a chance, as she says she’s having problems with her girlfriend. She’s had mostly boyfriends, though.

I rode with her last Saturday from 1:30 to 7:30 on the bus. At first, she seemed distant but then we were laughing and joking and she sang for me. She has a great voice. I sang for her, too.

She says my haircut makes me look younger and she’s gonna help me style it. She said with my hair done up nice and a little makeup and nice clothes, I’d be beautiful.

She gave me a tuna sandwich for lunch and also bought me some coffee.

This Saturday I’m going on the bus with her again. I asked her if she’d mind because if she did, I wouldn’t come back. She said I could, though.

I’m gonna bring her some of those Jerky treats she likes and make a tape of Gloria Estefan for her.

In the midst of our discussions, she told me that I have to get rid of my mean streak, and I really respect her, so I’ll try. Never would I ride a bus that long unless I’m in love. And I am, as you can see, but I wonder if she’d ever want someone like me. Maybe I’m not good enough for her.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 1988 I’ve decided to cut my hair off. It’s dead, uneven, unmanageable, and I can’t keep the ends from splitting. Also, it’s getting to be a pain in the ass and I’m sick of it. I’ve had it basically all my life. This way it’ll be easier to brush and it’ll only take two seconds to blow it dry.

MONDAY, APRIL 18, 1988 I’m now in McDonald’s taking a late lunch break as I was tied up giving this Puerto Rican a manicure. Dolores was supposed to do it but she left school early. I’m the only one in class today. Lecenia and Sonya are absent. Well, I guess for my remaining two hours I’ll study my textbook and work on the mannequins.

FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 1988 Today sure is a sucky day. It’s raining out and I didn’t go to school. I had set my alarm for 7:15 and didn’t realize it was going off for an hour and a half later. Can you believe that?! It seems so weird that I can sleep so soundly with that thing blaring for so long. What is wrong with me? How can anyone sleep so deeply?

Later…

I just had a hell of a time trying to track down Mary C’s number, which was changed. First I called all the P's in the book but no one was related to John. Then I called Shell Mini Mart looking for Doug or the number. Doug’s been gone 3 months and this guy tried to find the number in a file. No suerte. Called Dunkin Donuts and got nowhere. Called where John works. He wasn’t there and no one knew his number and the guy was gonna go to the office to get it but it was locked up and he had no key. So finally I called McDonald’s where Crystal used to work to speak to Larry. He wasn’t there but the manager said he was in the book and gave me the name of the street. He’s listed under Arthur G. He’s not home but I’ll probably have luck there.

THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 1988 I’m now on my lunch break at McDonald’s, sitting by the window on the lookout for Nervous. So far there’s no sign of him, but I really doubt he has the guts to come spying on me.

Late last night I pulled a prank on him by calling him to tell him that I needed him to take me to the emergency room because my ankle was killing me.

He asks, “Are you serious or are you just playing a joke on me?”

I tell him I’m serious and then I lay in bed with all the lights off till he came and knocked on the back door a few times. I then jumped up to peek out the bedroom window, and man was he flying to that front door, desperate for it not to be a joke. He was a complete bundle of nerves, being teased with seeing me and all that.

I dialed his number and let it ring until he got home. When he picked up and didn’t say anything, I asked if he was going to talk or not, then asked him why he was running so quickly as if his life depended on it. All he said was, “Oh, just making a move.”

Well, that sure was quite a move for the little desperate boy!

I told him it was his April Fools I owed him and that I wanted to do it before I ended our friendship which was right now. He says, as I knew he would, “I’ll be seeing you. I’ll be around.”

I couldn't care less if the bastard spies on me, and I’m sure he will cuz he has no guts to come face me personally. Hey, the guy’s desperate. After all, he hasn’t made it with anyone in 5 years because he could never get anyone but a hooker. He has no friends. His phone will never ring anymore except for his mother. If he wanted company or to go do something, he has no friends to call. He deserves what he has and that’s nothing.

All I know is I had a hell of a grand time using him and he’s a sucker for it, too. I asked him if he realized I was using him, and he said yes. As hooked on me as he is, he couldn't care less, though. If anyone else asked him to take them to the store he’d say he was too tired or that he didn’t feel like it.

In 20 minutes, I have to return to school and take a test over that I failed because of long hard words I can’t even pronounce, then I’ll bust my ass working on the mannequins. School can get boring!

Later…

When I went back to school, I learned how to give a manicure and worked on my pin curls. I took two tests and got a 92% on both of them. Not bad.

You won’t believe what a hell of a night I had ranking on Nervioso. I sent him 3 pizzas and chicken from Quickies. The delivery guy was pissed.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 1988 I found out some baffling information about why I was put on disability. Mom says it’s cuz I could never hold a job, but social security says it’s cuz of my ear. Somebody’s lying somewhere.

Another thing is that when Ron and I went over to my parent’s house and told them we wanted to get married (God only knows why I ever considered marrying an ugly loser like he was!) they tried to convince me that if I got pregnant, I’d probably have a miscarriage or the baby would be deformed or have other problems cuz of the DES (a drug my mother took to keep from miscarrying me).

Dad was saying, “Would you want your kids to have the same problems you do?”

I just called a GYN that said that that’s pure bullshit. He said that if I really did have a chemical imbalance, it wouldn’t be because of the DES. Nor would my ear be. My parents just want me to believe I’d be an unfit mother. As if they were the greatest parents themselves!

Whether or not I really was DES-exposed, I believe I was an accident. Even Philip agrees. Larry’s 12 years older and Tammy’s 8½. People don’t normally space their kids out like that.

I’d love to view her medical records, but I’d need her permission and she’d never go for it. It seems my life has been based on too many lies. It’s not comforting to catch your own parents in lies. How can I trust them?

When Kevin’s sister Judy called the folks to bitch about my prank phone calls to her, after Kevin stupidly gave her their number, Dad told her that they were trying to get me into an institution down there and that they were paying my roommate to watch me.

I confronted Dad with this bullshit. He said nothing and ma denied it, but their silence spoke a thousand words. I believe his motivation behind that was to try to make Judy feel sorry for me so she wouldn’t prosecute, but she couldn’t have if she wanted to.

Tammy says that Ma was abused as a kid, but I don’t know too much about it. Ma does all her talking to Tammy. I’m too “mental and immature” for either of them to speak to. Whether or not she was abused herself is no excuse to be abusive.

Tammy lies just as much as Mom and Dad do. She says Mom never told her about my dispute with Jenny, which has ended our friendship, but I say that’s bullshit. There’s no other way she could find out. Whatever I tell Mom, she tells Tammy, and vice versa. In fact, I’m sure Tammy will run and call Mom to tell her what I discussed with her on the phone tonight. Only Tammy’s allowed to call. Not me. I’m too annoying.

As for the Jenny dispute, there’s not much to say there. I just got sick of her selfishness. I feel we’ve become too different over the years, too.

FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 1988 I started hairdressing school at La Baron over on State St. I have never felt better! There’s nothing like having something to get up for in the morning and believe it or not I’m having no problem getting up. Sometimes I wake up before the alarm goes off! I think I should’ve done this two years ago. I need structure and routine. It takes my mind off of other bullshit.