#get to bed at like 12:30 and wake up at 5 then a full school day. EVIL

[peppermintsticks]

i have a football game on thursday. it's all joever

[pastelearthling65]

100 reasons to stay alive

1. to make your parents/others/yourself proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your family/friends again

4. to see your Favorite artist live

5. to listen to music again

6. to experience a new culture

7. to make new friends

8. to inspire

9. to have your own children 

10. to adopt your own pet

11. to make yourself proud

12. to meet your idols

13. to laugh until you cry

14. to feel tears of happiness

15. to eat your favorite food

16. to see your siblings grow

17. to pass school

18. to get tattoo

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt

20. to meet your internet friends

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

22. to eat ice cream on a hot day

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

24. to see untouched snow in the morning

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

26. to see stars light up the sky

27. to read a book that changes your life

28. to see the flowers in the spring

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown

30. to travel abroad

31. to learn a new language

32. to learn to draw

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

34. Puppy kisses.

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

37. Trampolines.

38. Ice cream.

39. Stargazing.

40. Cloud watching.

41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts.

43. To hear “I saw this and thought of you."

44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

45. The relief you feel after crying.

46. Sunshine.

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

48. Your future wedding.

49. Your favorite candy bar.

50. New clothes.

51. Witty puns.

52. Really good bread.

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

56. The smell before and after it rains

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop.

58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

60. Trying out new recipes.

61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable.

64.Breakfast in bed.

65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theater.

66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

67. Pray (if you are religious) 

68. Forgiveness.

69. Water balloon fights.

70. New books by your favorite authors.

71. Fireflies.

72. Birthdays.

73. Realizing that someone loves you.

74. Spending the day with someone like you.

75. Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

76. Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person.

77. Joy and happiness in the little things.

78. The power to inspire others.

79. The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression.

80. To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.

81. To make a positive impact on the environment and help protect the planet.

82. Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family.

83. Learn new things and develop new skills.

84. Create a legacy that will outlive you.

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

86. Cuddles

87. Holding hands.

88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world.

89. Singing off key with your best friends.

90. Road trips.

91. Spontaneous adventures.

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

94. Thunderstorms.

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

96. The taste of your favorite food.

97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

98. The day when everything finally goes your way.

99. Compliments and praise.

100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realize you did it.

Ps : Never forget you are a beautiful person 💕 Life is so beautiful so live, live like no one else exist, live for yourself, don't care of bad people, you are strong

[ask-zooted-lizzy]

I might not know who you are or if we'll ever get to know each other, but please listen to me.

What ever happens, where ever we are, do not quit like this on everyone. We enjoy what you do, you make us smile and you might have helped people through some hard times without even knowing it. Take your time, but please don't give up, don't get rid of yourself, we are rooting for you.

And I am saying this now, what ever happens, please don't hesitate to reach out...at all.

Threre over a 100 reasons to stay alive:

1. to make your parents proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your family again

4. to see your favourite artist live

5. to listen to music again

6. to experience a new culture

7. to make new friends

8. to inspire

9. to have your own children

10. to adopt your own pet

11. to make yourself proud

12. to meet your idols

13. to laugh until you cry

14. to feel tears of happiness

15. to eat your favorite food

16. to see your siblings grow

17. to pass school

18. to get tattoo

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt

20. to meet your internet friends

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

22. to eat ice cream on a hot day

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

24. to see untouched snow in the morning

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

26. to see stars light up the sky

27. to read a book that changes your life

28. to see the flowers in the spring

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown

30. to travel abroad

31. to learn a new language

32. to learn to draw

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

34. Puppy kisses.

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

37. Trampolines.

38. Ice cream.

39. Stargazing.

40. Cloud watching.

41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts.

43. “I saw this and thought of you."

44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

45. The relief you feel after crying.

46. Sunshine.

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

48. Your future wedding.

49. Your favorite candy bar.

50. New clothes.

51. Witty puns.

52. Really good bread.

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

56. The smell before and after it rains

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop.

58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

60. Trying out new recipes.

61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable.

64.Breakfast in bed.

65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theater.

66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

67. Pray (if you are religious)

68. Forgiveness.

69. Water balloon fights.

70. New books by your favorite authors.

71. Fireflies.

72. Birthdays.

73. Realizing that someone loves you.

74. Spending the day with someone you

75. Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

76. Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person.

77. Joy and happiness in the little things.

78. The power to inspire others.

79. The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression.

80. To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.

81. To make a positive impact on the environment and help protect the planet.

82. Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family.

83. Learn new things and develop new skills.

84. Create a legacy that will outlive you.

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

86. Cuddles

87. Holding hands.

88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world.

89. Singing off key with your best friends.

90. Road trips.

91. Spontaneous adventures.

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

94. Thunderstorms.

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

96. The taste of your favorite food.

97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

98. The day when everything finally goes your way.

99. Compliments and praise.

100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realize you did it.

And there could be more...

Stay with us...ok?

I have the gun loaded, but I feel like I should just put it away. Thank you.

[baniigattsuu]

100 REASONS TO STAY ALIVE:

1. to make your friends proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your favourite artist live

4. to listen to music

5. to experience a new culture

6. to meet new people

7. to inspire

8. to have your own children

9. to adopt your own pet

10. to make yourself proud

11. to meet your idols

12. to laugh until you cry

13. to feel tears of happiness

14. to eat your favorite food

15. to see your siblings grow

16. to pass school

17. to get a tattoo

18. to smile until your cheeks hurt

19. to meet your internet friends

20. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

21. to eat ice cream on a hot day

22. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

23. to see untouched snow in the morning

24. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

25. to see stars that light up the sky

26. to read a book that changes your life

27. to see the first flowers in the spring

28. to travel abroad

29. to learn a new language

30. to learn to draw

31. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping and inspiring them

32. puppy kisses

33. kitten kisses

34. swear words, and the release you feel saying them

35. trampolines

36. stargazing

37. cloud watching

38. taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets

39. receiving thoughtful gifts

40. "i saw this and i thought of you"

41. the feeling you get when someone says "i love you"

42. the relief you feel after crying

43. sunshine

44. the feeling you get when someone is listening to you / giving you their full attention

45. your future wedding

46. your favorite candy

47. new clothes

48. completing goals / a milestone

49. the kinds of dreams when you wake up and can't stop smiling

50. the sound of rain

51. the feeling you get when you're dancing

52. the people who mean the most to you

53. trying out new recipes

54. the feeling you get when your favourite song comes on the radio

55. the rush you feel when you step into a concert

56. sharing your voice, talents and knowledge with the world because they're so valuable

57. breakfast in bed

58. forgiveness

59. fireflies

60. birthdays

61. realizing that someone loves you

62. spending the day with someone you love

63. eating a whole pint of your favorites ice cream

64. floating on your back in warm water, staring at the sky and thinking

65. first dates (even the bad ones make for funny stories!)

66. bonfires n smores

67. coming home to someone you love

68. singing at the top of your lungs with your friends (or on your own!)

69. cuddling

70. being wrapped up in a warm bed

71. someone's skin against yours

72. holding hands

73. road trips

74. spontaneous adventures

75. the feeling when the ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles

76. peaceful thunderstorms

77. trips to disneyworld

78. the child-like feeling you get on christmas morning

79. the day when everything finally goes your way

80. compliments and praise

81. making someone laugh

82. taking care of yourself

83. sleepovers

84. waking up on summer mornings

85. creating

86. therapy

87. feeling like reality is finally better than dreams

88. relationships

89. friendships

90. good hair days

91. feeling confident, like you can openly be yourself

92. creating ambitions and aspirations

93. putting yourself first

94. memes and funny jokes

95. writing

96. aesthetics / visuals

97. learning to love yourself

98. falling back in love with living

99. feeling genuinely at peace with yourself

100. looking back at this moment in the future and thinking "i made it"

[clatoera]

struggling so much right now and missing my best friend who literally gets me through everything(i haven’t seen her in two weeks), so can i get some clove and glimmer bestie headcanons? if u have any 🩷 love u friend

Hi there, sorry to hear that you are struggling!!! So full transparency these all 100% take place in ARWBFB especially post war because like..thats when they are able to actually be normal 20-something girls without the threat of..well everything happening to them. So! ARWBFB au ahead.

1.One time they made an impulsive decision that they wanted cookies, like really good fancy cookies. Naturally speaking that said "oh you know who makes those really good cookies? Peeta." They had no idea how far District 12 actually was, and they did in fact end up on a 24 hour train ride there. Glimmer was fucking horrified by the state of the district and clung to Clove afraid she was going to catch poverty or something. But really, who was more shocked to see Miss District One and Miss Flayed a man alive in District 12; Peeta (who had to see these two walk into his bakery unannounced) or Haymitch (who had to hear about it later and thought peeta was lying). They do come home with a LOT of good treats, but they also leave two VERY concerned men in One and Two when they disappear for two days. yeah maybe they're concerned glimmer and clove finally ran off together what about it

2.In the spirt of them being young silly twenty something girls, they absolutely like...end up actually blacked out in the streets of District One on like a Tuesday night in September. By night I mean like...7 pm. It was one of those situations where you go too hard at brunch, get kicked out, and then keep drinking all day because you don't realize how drunk you are until it's too late and also you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. They are escorted to bed by 7:30 p.m and quite literally tucked into bed. Glimmer insists they sleep in the same one because "it's like a sleepover" and Clove is literally too incoherent to argue. She does in fact wake up the next morning very confused in this pink fluffy blanket.

3. On a sadder (?) note, Clove had such a lonely childhood for a little girl, and never had any friends her own age (especially not girls). She can do her own hair and like throw on a coat of nail polish if she wants (she has extremely steady and dexterous little hands). That being said she's never done any of those things for someone else. When she has her daughter later on, Glimmer kind of has to teach her how to like...do those things? She has to teach her how to do someone elses hair, and paint tiny squirmy nails, and all of those girly things that Clove can do but never for someone else. And by that she lets Clove practice on her with extraordinary patience and explanations. Even when she pulls her hair a little too tight.

4. Clove is forced to lose any sense of like...modesty and privacy when it comes to Glimmer as soon as she gives her the options to make her a dress. Glimmer will in fact walk in and start tugging and pulling on things to make that dress sit right, and that involves hands being reached right down the front of it.

5. Kind of well known by now but Clove learns to like..show love and friendship through food. That directly translates to Glimmer's life, in the fact that when she has the girls? Clove practically moves in for weeks to feed her (and marvel, too). She's like a personal chef, shopping, cooking three meals a day (AND snacks), and then cleaning it up. She doesn't know how else to help. That translates again to every stage of the girls like..getting bigger? Clove is there to make them baby snacks and appropriate food and that carries on until they're like..adults honestly.

6. Glimmer isn't one to weaponize her trauma. That being said, she has an actual meltdown when it comes time to send her girls to school and out of her care. She puts it off as long as possible. It gets to the point where she just starts begging Clove to teach them (because Clove is the smartest person she knows). begs. Begs and begs and begs. (she succeeds, but only for a few years, because none of them were ever taught anything after 6th grade except where to slice an artery and how to laugh for an audience).

7. As a result of the Enobaria/Cashmere situation they once sat down and stared at each other like "are we...related?" they aren't. But they tried to math the math of okay your sister and my kind of sister does that make us..sisters in law? cousins? (no! It doesn't!)

I hope these make sense and/or bring you a little smile my friend. It was fun to put some of these things out into the universe!

[ireallyliketacosokay]

reasons to live.

1.to conquer your fears 3. to see your family again 4. to see your favourite artist live 5. to listen to music again 6. to experience a new culture 7. to make new friends 8. to inspire 9. to have your own children 10. to adopt your own pet 11. to make yourself proud 12. to meet your idols 13. to laugh until you cry 14. to feel tears of happiness 15. to eat your favourite food 16. to see your siblings grow 17. to pass school 18. to get tattoo 19. to smile until your cheeks hurt 20. to meet your internet friends 21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve 22. to eat ice cream on a hot day 23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day 24. to see untouched snow in the morning 25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire 26. to see stars light up the sky 27. to read a book that changes your life 28. to see the flowers in the spring 29. to see the leaves change from green to brown 30. to travel abroad 31. to learn a new language 32. to learn to draw 33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them 34. Puppy kisses. 35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek). 36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them. 37. Trampolines. 38. Ice cream. 39. Stargazing. 40. Cloud watching. 41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets. 42. Receiving thoughtful gifts. 43. “I saw this and thought of you." 44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you." 45. The relief you feel after crying. 46. Sunshine. 47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention. 48. Your future birthdays. 49. Your favorite candy bar. 50. New clothes. 51. Witty puns. 52. Really good bread. 53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time. 54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.) 55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling. 56. The smell before and after it rains 57. The sound of rain against a rooftop. 58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing. 59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them. 60. Trying out new recipes. 61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio. 62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage. 63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable. 64.Breakfast in bed. 65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theater. 66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning). 67. Pray (if you are religious) 68. Forgiveness. 69. Water balloon fights. 70. New books by your favorite authors. 71. Fireflies. 72. Birthdays. 73. Realizing that someone loves you. 74. Spending the day with someone you 85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed. 86. Someone’s skin against yours. 87. Holding hands. 88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world. 89. Singing off key with your best friends. 90. Road trips. 91. Spontaneous adventures. 92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes. 93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees. 94. Thunderstorms. 95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland. 96. The taste of your favorite food. 97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning. 98. The day when everything finally goes your way. 99. Compliments and praise. 100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realise you did it.y

So

So many reasons

I like bread

I think

Bread

And my mutuals

Might Be why

I

Will

Stay

[ek-ranjhaan]

100 reasons to stay alive:

1. to make your parents proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your family again

4. to see your favourite artist live

5. to listen to music again

6. to experience your culture to the fullest

7. to make new friends

8. to inspire

9. to have your own children

10. to adopt your own pet

11. to make yourself proud

12. to visit the seashore and feel the waves kissing your feet

13. to laugh until you cry

14. to feel tears of happiness

15. to eat your favourite food

16. to see your siblings grow

17. to pass school

18. to read millions of deserving, unread books and novels waiting for you

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt

20. To be accepted and welcomed by your loved one(s) as you are.

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

22. to eat ice cream on a hot day

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

24. to see untouched snow in the morning

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

26. to see stars light up the sky

27. to read a book that changes your life

28. to see the flowers in the spring

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown

30. to travel abroad

31. to learn new languages

32. to learn to draw

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

34. Puppy kisses.

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

37. Trampolines.

38. To have the most peaceful comforting sleep at nights.

39. Stargazing.

40. Cloud watching.

41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts.

43. “I saw this and thought of you."

44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

45. The relief you feel after crying.

46. Sunshine.

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

48. Your future wedding.

49. Your favorite candy bar.

50. To feel the chlorophyllic scent of trees in the deep elms

51. Witty puns.

52. Really good bread.

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

56. The smell before and after it rains

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop.

58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

60. Trying out new recipes.

61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable.

64. To dance in the rain in a romance with self or with your lover

65. To visit Nordic countries and take in their beauty with mesmerized tears in eyes

66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

67. Pray

68. Forgiveness.

69. Water balloon fights.

70. To write more and more, better and better, and to publish your own book(s) someday.

71. Fireflies.

72. Birthdays.

73. Realizing that someone loves you.

74. Spending the day with someone you love

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

86. Someone’s skin against yours.

87. Holding hands.

88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world.

89. Singing off key with your best friends.

90. Road trips.

91. Spontaneous adventures.

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

94. Thunderstorms.

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

96. The taste of your favorite food.

97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

98. The day when everything finally goes your way.

99. Compliments and praise.

100. To feel the mountains beneath your feet, to see the most beautiful dawn and dusk in the moments of a new day.

+

101. to look on this moment in the future, when life is happier and be grateful to yourself for not giving up, for staying alive, for choosing to live.

[atlasprefects]

100 reasons to stay alive: 

1. to make your parents proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your family again

4. to see your Favorite artist live

5. to listen to music again

6. to experience a new culture

7. to make new friends

8. to inspire

9. to have your own children 

10. to adopt your own pet

11. to make yourself proud

12. to meet your idols

13. to laugh until you cry

14. to feel tears of happiness

15. to eat your favorite food

16. to see your siblings grow

17. to pass school

18. to get tattoo

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt

20. to meet your internet friends

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

22. to eat ice cream on a hot day

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

24. to see untouched snow in the morning

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

26. to see stars light up the sky

27. to read a book that changes your life

28. to see the flowers in the spring

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown

30. to travel abroad

31. to learn a new language

32. to learn to draw

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

34. Puppy kisses.

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

37. Trampolines.

38. Ice cream.

39. Stargazing.

40. Cloud watching.

41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts.

43. To hear “I saw this and thought of you."

44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

45. The relief you feel after crying.

46. Sunshine.

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

48. Your future wedding.

49. Your favorite candy bar.

50. New clothes.

51. Witty puns.

52. Really good bread.

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

56. The smell before and after it rains

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop.

58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

60. Trying out new recipes.

61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable.

64.Breakfast in bed.

65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theater.

66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

67. Pray (if you are religious) 

68. Forgiveness.

69. Water balloon fights.

70. New books by your favorite authors.

71. Fireflies.

72. Birthdays.

73. Realizing that someone loves you.

74. Spending the day with someone like you.

75. Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

76. Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person.

77. Joy and happiness in the little things.

78. The power to inspire others.

79. The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression.

80. To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.

81. To make a positive impact on the environment and help protect the planet.

82. Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family.

83. Learn new things and develop new skills.

84. Create a legacy that will outlive you.

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

86. Cuddles

87. Holding hands.

88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world.

89. Singing off key with your best friends.

90. Road trips.

91. Spontaneous adventures.

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

94. Thunderstorms.

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

96. The taste of your favorite food.

97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

98. The day when everything finally goes your way.

99. Compliments and praise.

100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realize you did it.

Ps : Never forget you are a beautiful person 💕 Life is so beautiful so live, live like no one else exist, live for yourself, don't care of bad people, you are strong

..tq,I really need this

❤️

[astroandry]

To anyone who needs it, 100 Reasons to Stay Alive:

1. to make your parents proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your family again

4. to listen to your favourite artist live

5. to listen to music again

6. to experience a new culture

7. to make new friends

8. to inspire

9. to have your own children

10. to adopt your own pet

11. to make yourself proud

12. to meet your idols

13. to laugh until you cry

14. to feel tears of happiness

15. to eat your favourite food

16. to see your siblings grow

17. to pass school

18. to get a tattoo

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt

20. to meet your internet friends

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

22. to eat icecream on a hot day

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

24. to see untouched snow in the morning

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

26. to see the stars light up the sky

27. to read a book that chnages your life

28. to see flowers in the spring

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown

30. to travel abroad

31. to learn a new language

32. to learn to draw

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

34. puppy kisses

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek)

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them

37. Trampolines

38. Ice cream

39. Stargazing

40. Cloud watching

41. Taking a shower then sleeping in clean sheets

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts

43. "I saw this and I though of you"

44. The feeling you get when someone says, "I love you."

45. The relief you feel after crying

46. Sunshine

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention

48. Your future wedding

49. Your favourite candy bar

50. New clothes

51. Witty puns

52. Really good bread

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time

54. Completing a milestone

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can't stop smiling

56. The smell before and after it rains

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop

58. The feeling you get when you're dancing

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

60. Trying out new recipes

61.  The feeling you get when your favourite song comes on the radio

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable

64. Breakfast in bed

65. Getting a middle seat in a movie theatre

66. Breakfast for dinner

67. Pray

68. Forgiveness

69. Water balloon fights

70. New books from your favourite authors

71. Fireflies

72. Birthdays

73. Realising that someone loves you

74. Spending the day with someone you love

75. Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships

76. Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person

77. Joy and Happiness in the little things

78. The power to inspire others

79. The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression

80. To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life

81. To make a positive impact on the environment and help the planet

82. Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family

83. Learn new things and develop new skills

84. Create a legacy that will outlive you

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed

86. Someone's skin against yours

87. Holding hands

88. The kind of hugs where you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person's, and you feel like the only two people in the world

89. Singing offkey with your best friends

90. Road trips

91. Spontaneous adventures

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees

94. Thunderstorms

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland

96. The taste of your favourite food

97. The child-like feeling you get on christmas morning

98. The day when everything finally goes away

99. Compliments and praises

100. To look on this moment 10 years time and realise you did it.

Credit to @mathew0 on youtube under the video "oneheart X reidenshi- Snowfall (slowed) (1 hour loop)" or https://youtu.be/_r0vlyp33pw 

[strawberrymosaic]

7/20/2024 5:13pm

Didn't journal for the past 2 days, but I'm back with more little updates!!! On Thursday, I was in my lab from 9-4:30. I actually really enjoy the time I spend in my research lab. It truly feels like I'm not working when I'm there, because I enjoy what I do and I enjoy my colleagues. I haven't posted many specifics about my lab, but it's a molecular biology lab that focuses on studying pediatric brain cancer. I helped with some surgeries & got to practice my suturing techniques. Surgery days are really exciting to me because it feels like the most tangible application of our wet lab work. After I got out of my lab, I had some self growth wins. Despite enjoying my time in the lab, I do still tend to come home exhausted. Most of the summer, I've been coming back from my lab and crawling right into bed. However, some specific tasks I did Thursday morning helped pave the way for me to avoid that post-work crash. Before I left for work, I made sure my bed was made & my desk was tidy. I wanted to make it as easy as possible for me to sit at my desk instead of crashing into my bed. This was very successful because I did end up avoiding my bed! I sat at my desk & got right to work being productive. I made some calls that I had been dreading putting off. I need to get tested for sleep apnea (I'll write more about this later), but insurance has been such a hassle. I finally found a sleep testing center that takes my insurance & set up a consultation appointment! I also called my university's financial aid office to get some questions answered about the upcoming school year. I think I'm actually going to be set to pay my college tuition & housing without too much struggle, so I'm very happy with how that turned out. After those calls, I did scroll social media for a little bit, but not for too long because I had dinner with some friends afterwards. I ate dinner + went to get boba. I had to work a desk shift from 8-10pm. My friends are also employed by the university, so they came with me to my shift. Most of the time the desk shifts are DEAD so we just hung out and talked because there wasn't much for me to do. However, I was quite overstimulated by the end of the night, and lowkey I wished they would just go home so I could sit in silence. I love a good silent moment. After my shift, I had to go pick up the duty phone for the night, because I had an overnight on-call shift. I didn't get to bed until well after midnight because my second duty round doesn't end until then. Getting to bed late on Thursday night, in addition with my sleep problems made it super difficult for me to wake up Friday morning.

For Friday, my friends and I had planned to get lunch and then go to my college town's art fair. I guess they accidentally decided to get lunch at 12:30 without confirming the time for me. I knew we were going to head to the art fair at 2:00pm, so I had just assumed that we'd eat around 1:00 or 1:30. I texted at noon to confirm our lunch plans, and they both were like "oh 12:30!". I had JUST woken up at this point, and I had nothing to wear so I was lowkey freaking out. I also desperately needed to do laundry because the outfit I had planned in my head was dirty. I texted my friends that I'd just meet them later and quickly threw my clothes in the wash. I also got ready as quickly as I could. My friend (I'll call her L), always wears a full face of makeup, has beautiful hair, and always has super cute outfits. She also eats like a bird. I always feel super self-conscious around her, so I felt extra pressured as I got ready. My other friend (I'll call him B) is just a random male coworker I befriended, so I don't really care too much what he thinks. However, he does have a bad habit of commenting on other people's meals. I get a bit self-conscious when eating around him. Because I do get a little skittish when eating around B and L, I secretly hoped they'd just eat without me. However, they decided to just hold off on lunch until I was ready. We ended up eating around 1:10 and then headed to the art fair. The art fair was BEAUTIFUL. I really enjoyed seeing all the booths. I spent a bit too much on this gorgeous ceramic piece, but I justified it with the fact that I was supporting a small business. The art fair had a lot of booths to try free samples. We tried some delicious teas, got to test some new products for the Sharpie brand (and were even featured in a video!), and tested out these unique phone speakers. Around 3:30 we stopped at Panera bread to get some drinks. I ended up buying a sourdough bread bowl, and I ripped off chunks of bread for us all to share. We felt like medieval peasants. We ended up wandering the art fair for a few more hours until we headed back to another part of campus for dinner. I had a desk shift at 6pm, and L and B ended up following me to this shift as well. Once again I was starting to get really overstimulated, and I secretly hoped they would leave lol. I promise that they are good friends, I just also enjoy my quiet time. L has a crush on B, and I have been trying to set them up. After spending all of Thursday and Friday together, they really seem to have some chemistry, so I was quite happy. This also worked out well for me, because they were so interested in each other that I could sit quietly without having to interact much. We ended up playing Fireboy and Watergirl on CoolMathGames for the rest of my shift, and I enjoyed my time a lot. I got home around 10pm, bought two bags of cheese-its and called my family. Then I called my boyfriend (we are long distance right now). We ended up having L join the call so that we could give her advice about her developing relationship with B. After L left the call, I talked to my boyfriend a bit more. At this point I was really exhausted from my day, and instead of going to bed when him and I were done talking, I stayed up for another hour scrolling social media. This was definitely a bad move on my part, because it made it really difficult for me to wake up this morning.

This morning I didn't get up until almost noon. I got dressed & went to get brunch in the dining hall. Then I ended up texting my boyfriend & scrolling social media for like 2 hours. I also sorted a bit of dirty laundry so that I can do it later tonight. Around 2:45pm I started to get really tired, so I took a nap until 3:45. I had another desk shift at 4pm, so after my nap I headed over to the building I needed to be in. I am at my shift now, and not much has happened. I've put my work schedule into my Gcal for the rest of the summer, set up my electricity for my apartment this fall, and checked some emails. It is now 5:45 as I finish typing this, so I've been journaling for quite some time. I've found it very therapeutic to get all my thoughts out, so I don't mind at all that it's taken me so long. After my shift ends tonight, I'm going to try to get some laundry done and then go to bed early. I'll update again either tonight or tomorrow. If anyone has stuck around to read all of this, just know that I think you're amazing and I appreciate you being here. Even if nobody reads this, I find it really helpful to have an 'audience'. Maybe it's somehow related to the concept of ADHD body doubling. The thought of writing to someone really helps me get my thoughts out. Anyways, I'll update later. Byeeee!!

[threephantomrey]

need to vent for a quick minute lol:

i’ve been having sleeping problems this whole year so far. the first two weeks especially were terrible. i had one night where i didn’t sleep at all and then the day after i did not sleep at all either like i was literally up for A WHOLE DAY AND DIDNT FALL ASLEEP AGAIN UNTIL 11:30 THE NEXT NIGHT. most nights this year i’ve woken up in the middle of the night at least once, with always a few sleepless nights during the month (the first two weeks were where i had the most sleepless nights which was literally almost every night) and there’s been a few days where i have woken up at 4:30-5 AM and could not get back to sleep so i was up the whole day after.

the night before last night i didn’t fall asleep until 2 AM and last night i went to bed at 9:30 PM and then woke up at either 12 or 12:30 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep until like 4 AM, and then i woke up at 5 and went back to sleep at 5:30 and woke up at 7.

and i’ve been having problems with sleeping because of my sleep anxiety, and i have that BECAUSE i’ve been having trouble sleeping. and it’s impossible to stop it. even though i have days where i worry less than others, i haven’t been able to go a day without any sort of sleep anxiety even though i try hard to not worry about it. and i’ve also been taking melatonin and magnesium since January and vitamin B8 alongside that since February. and i go to bed early every night like literally i go to bed at 9:30. i guess 9:30 might be too early for me like maybe i should try 9:45 or 10. also my wake up times are inconsistent and idk how im gonna fix that too.

and this is mostly why i’ve been feeling so miserable this year (there’s other reasons too but that’s the main one) like literally i’ve been having problems with this since midnight of January 1st. and this isn’t the first time i’ve had problems with sleeping for a period of time i had it when i was a sophomore in high school too, but that year i had trouble going back to sleep at all after waking up in the middle of the night for a good amount of nights in the first month i was having problems and also nights where i didn’t fall asleep until like 3 AM. the first was December of that year where i had 2 nights i couldn’t go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night and then for most of that month i just woke up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep until the last week where i either couldn’t get back to sleep after waking up at like 2 AM or couldn’t fall asleep until like 3 AM. and then when i started taking melatonin in the beginning of January i just had nights where i woke up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep every night or had some days where i would wake up from 3 AM-5 AM and not be able to go back to sleep for months after. and that’s where my sleep anxiety originally came from. like it took me until my Junior year of high school when i stopped taking melatonin for that to officially stop happening.

but even then after that i would wake up in the middle of the night or had sleepless nights more often than i used to before Sophomore year and tbh i still had sleep anxiety some nights before i would fall asleep. and i was kinda thinking about sophomore year back in December 2023 quite often so i guess that has something to do with what’s happening now.

and my sleeping problems are a big part of why i haven’t been in the correct state of mind to write fics or make videos this year so far and that’s why i’m on break from all that right now.

and i’ve really been trying to fix this. i get exercise daily and i try eating healthy and i try staying off my phone before bed and reading books instead and staying out of bed the whole day and writing down my thoughts in a notebook at night. idk what else to do. i’ve been to the doctor twice this year and he just said the cause of my sleeping problems is cause of my sleep anxiety both times. i just want to sleep a full night consistently again.

this year sucks so much for me like this is worse than sophomore year was. i think this year is the worst year of my life this is making my mental health bad. i miss 2023 so much. i want to be okay and happy again and to stop worrying about this forever but i don’t think i’m moving past this anytime soon :(

[justonerandomwitch]

Saved this a while ago for a rainy day,

125 Reasons To Stay Alive ❤️

1. to make your parents proud 

2. to conquer your fears 

3. to see your family again 

4. to see your favourite artist live 

5. to listen to music again 

6. to experience a new culture 

7. to make new friends 

8. to inspire 

9. to have your own children 

10. to adopt your own pet 

11. to make yourself proud 

12. to meet your idols 

13. to laugh until you cry 

14. to feel tears of happiness 

15. to eat your favourite food 

16. to see your siblings grow 

17. to pass school 

18. to get tattoo 

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt 

20. to meet your internet friends 

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve 

22. to eat ice cream on a hot day 

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day 

24. to see untouched snow in the morning 

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire 

(thank you for reading more <3)

26. to see stars light up the sky 

27. to read a book that changes your life 

28. to see the flowers in the spring 

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown 

30. to travel abroad 

31. to learn a new language 

32. to learn to draw 

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them 

34. Puppy kisses. 

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek). 

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them. 

37. Trampolines. 

38. Ice cream. 

39. Stargazing. 

40. Cloud watching. 

41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets. 

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts. 

43. “I saw this and thought of you." 

44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you." 

45. The relief you feel after crying. 

46. Sunshine. 

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention. 

48. Your future wedding. 

49. Your favourite candy bar. 

50. New clothes. 

51. Witty puns. 

52. Really good bread. 

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time. 

54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.) 

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling. 

56. The smell before and after it rains. 

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop. 

58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing. 

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them. 

60. Trying out new recipes. 

61. The feeling you get when your favourite song comes on the radio. 

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage. 

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable. 

64.Breakfast in bed. 

65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theatre. 

66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning). 

67. Meaningful memories. 

68. Forgiveness. 

69. Water balloon fights. 

70. New books by your favourite authors. 

71. Fireflies. 

72. Birthdays. 

73. Realising that someone loves you. 

74. Spending the day with someone you love. 

75. Spending the whole day in bed. 

76. Eating a whole pint of your favourite ice cream. 

77. Floating in water on your back and just staring up at the sky. 

78. First dates (even the bad ones make for funny stories.) 

79. Bonfires and s'mores. 

80. Relationships where you love someone but aren’t in love with them. 

81. Coming home to someone you love. 

82. The colour of autumn leaves when they change. 

Summer. 

83. Singing songs at the top of your lungs with your friends. 

84. Cuddling. 

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed. 

86. Someone’s skin against yours. 

87. Holding hands. 

88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world. 

89. Singing off key with your best friends. 

90. Road trips. 

91. Spontaneous adventures. 

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes. 

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees. 

94. Thunderstorms. 

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland. 

96. The taste of your favourite food. 

97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning. 

98. The day when everything finally goes your way. 

99. Compliments and praise. 

100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realise you did it.

101. To finally be able to hug the people you miss the most

102. To have movie marathon.

103. Go to a pride celebration

104. So you can see how beautiful you are

105. To have a dance party in your room

106. Sunsets

107. Sunrise

109. To take golden hour picture

110. Attend prom and love every minute or it

111. To get a good score on that test you were worries about.

112. To travel the world

113. Run out of breath from laughter

114. To redecorate your room for no reason at all

115. To get in a really good workout and feel powerful after it

116. Lovely baths with candles

117. To rewatch old chilldhood shows

118. To meet your idol 

119. Take a walk through the woods 

120. Have a picnic with your friends 

121. Find a hobby that you love

122. Run around at the beach like a joyful child

123. To get asked you by your crush 

124. The rush when you go on rollercoasters

125. Looking at yourself and realising you look really good that day

PS: there are so many beautiful things to live. so live, and live, and live.

I know this is random but everybody needs a little bit of hope at the minute

<3

[casspurrjoybell-28]

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 12

*Warning: Adult Content*  

I'm jolted awake by the sound of a car in the early morning, feeling absolutely out of it. My eyelids feel heavy and my mouth feels like it's full of cotton.

I look at my phone and see it's around 5:30 am, not much time has passed since I fell back asleep out of exhaustion from my episode. 

I hear a car door slam and realize it's coming from the driveway so I clamber out of bed to the window, surprised at what I see.

Or who I see. It's Daemon. He's walking up to the house with a purpose, his face looks serious like something's wrong.

And his eyes... it's hard to see from the second story window where my room is but I can tell they're glowing amber, like when I first saw his wolf in the woods. The mark of an Alpha.

Curious, I leave my room to the hall and stand at the top of the stairwell, the shadows covering me. A rapt knock resounds and sure enough, an exhausted-looking Lucien goes to open the door.

I tip-toe down the stairs so I can eavesdrop on their conversation. From this spot they can't see me.

"Daemon?" Lucien asks confusedly. "Why are you here? Did you forget it's the weekend? You don't need to take Ash to school..." 

"I'm not here for that," Daemon replies.

"Then what is it?"

Silence. Why is he hesitating to answer?

"Look, I think it's better if you go," Lucien sighs, sounding frazzled and tired.

Which is understandable after what I put him through.

"Ash... he's not well right now."

"What do you mean he's not well?" Daemon immediately asks. 

"It's hard to explain. I don't really know what it's about either."

I can't see Daemon but I can imagine his jaw is clenching like it usually does when he doesn't get the answers he wants.

"What happened?"

"Daemon..."

"Tell me what happened," Daemon demands.

The aggressiveness of his voice startles me. I don't understand why he wants to know so badly. Why would he care what's happened with me? 

I feel the tension in the air between the two, feeling like I could cut it with a knife. Alphas really are something. They hate backing down.

"Stop badgering me, Daemon. You don't seem to care for the boy so why does it matter?" he snaps.

It's like Lucien took the words right out of my mouth. Because I don't get it either.Why did Daemon show up like this, just an hour after my episode?

So early in the morning too. Does he know something was up? And how does he know? Does he care?

"Hah," Daemon remarks, his tone sounding like he's disappointed. "I guess you're right."

I don't know why but those words break my heart. I already knew he didn't care but it still hurts. Why was a I deluding myself? I hate that he's having this effect on me.

Daemon leaves and I quietly retreat back up the stairs to hole up in my room again. I wrap myself in the cocoon of blankets and try to think about anything but him.

I wake up late in the afternoon, head throbbing and eyes sore. I can't bring myself to get out of bed for how hopeless and empty I feel.

But I'm too exhausted to cry anymore so I just lay there, feeling numb. I thought I'd escaped Alpha Ferix's wrath.

I foolishly hoped that I'd be able to leave the past behind as I made a new life here. Turns out things aren't that simple.

Seven years of living alone with my stepfather without my mother there to protect me won't go down the drain just like that.

The memories that haunt me are coming back at full force and I scrunch my eyes shut in an effort to block out the nightmare. 

I'm so ashamed of it. I never want to tell anyone what happened to me. I'll bottle it up and lock it away where no one will ever find it.

Because if anyone finds out? If they see the scars that litter my skin? They'll see how broken I am. How beyond fixing I am. And there's no going back from that.  

I spend the entire weekend in bed, my phone on silent. I had to search up online how to do that. I'm sure my friends have tried to contact me but I have no energy to respond.

For some reason, I found myself wishing that Daemon hadn't left this morning. That he had just stayed. But he doesn't come. And why would he? Apparently I'm nothing to him but a pest. 

I contemplate asking Lucien what he thinks about Daemon's brief appearance this morning but the effort it'll take to go downstairs and talk to him is something I don't have.

So instead I lay in my cocoon of blankets, the only semblance of comfort I have. I don't go to school that Monday. Well, it's more like I can't go.

When my scheduled alarm rings that morning I turn it off immediately. There's no will in me to get out of bed. I just want to hide away in my depression hole for as long as I can.

When I hear the door creak open a short while later I pull the covers over my head. I appreciate Lucien's concern but if he thinks I'll be able to go to school today he has another thing coming.

"Hey buddy," Lucien tests the waters, coming over to sit on the bed.

I feel the mattress dip under his weight.

"Are you not up for it today?" he asks softly.

I shake my head, which must just look like a slight movement under the covers to Lucien.

"Already tired of school?"

It's not school I'm tired of. It's life. An induced coma doesn't sound bad right now.

"I don't know," I answer, muffled by the pillows.

"Alright, well I won't force you... Just know that if you change your mind and do want to tell me what's wrong, I'm all ears. I'll be out most of the day but you can call or text me, okay? And make sure to eat, there's food in the fridge."

I want to reply so badly, I do. I want to say thank you over and over again for the kindness I'm being treated with, which I definitely don't deserve.

But my throat closes up when I try to speak and I start crying silently under the blankets. I feel a light double pat on my arm, Lucien's signal that he's leaving.

Then the door shuts and I'm left to wallow in my self-pity for as long as I want. I'm planning to do that the whole day until around noon I hear a sudden clatter somewhere in the house.

I jolt from my half-conscious slumber, heart beating erratically. Did I imagine it?But then I hear foot-steps, though muffled, deducing they're coming from the first floor of the house.

I quietly roll out of bed, frantically searching for something to defend myself with. I settle for an old baseball bat I find in the closet.

I wonder if Daemon played baseball in the past? Gripping the bat, I open my door, tip-toeing down the hallway.

I don't know why I'm not just hiding instead but I feel like I need to do something. Face my cowardice or some shit. My breathing is heavy as I make my way down the stairs, the bat slipping in my sweaty grip.

As soon as my bare foot touches the smooth polished wood of the first floor I realize what a bad idea this is. Did I really think I could fight off an intruder with my flinch and duck reflexes?

And fuck, I left my cell-phone upstairs so I can't even call 911. I take a deep breath. I'm already committed now. I hear a rustling coming from Lucien's office and the door is open.

Holding my breath, I quietly sneak over. If I can catch the person as they're walking out of the door, they won't see it coming. At least that makes sense in my tired brain.

I stand out there for a while, holding the bat to my chest as I listen to them rifling through the drawers of Lucien's desk and cabinet. I'm so nervous, my breath coming out in pants as the adrenaline makes me dizzy.

So nervous, in fact, that I don't hear the person approaching the doorway until it's too late. A tall figure emerges and I scream, nearly dropping the bat before swinging it at the person weakly.

"What the actual fuck..." someone catches the bat in his hands with ease, pulling it from my grip so that it falls uselessly to the floor.

Only then do I realize it's Daemon. I gasp, putting my hands over my mouth as I come to terms with my stupid mistake.

"Oh my God..." I trail off.

"Why the hell are you trying to take me out with a baseball bat?" Daemon asks confoundedly. 

"Shoot, I'm so sorry," I mumble tiredly, a hand rubbing at my temple. "I know it's dumb but I thought someone broke in or something."

I look up at him only for my vision to blur, my head going woozy as my knees buckle. I stumble and before I know it Daemon's rushing forward and grabbing me.

I find myself in his warm arms, the familiar embrace reminding me of how he carried me when he found me in the woods. I try to catch my breath and slump against him, my small hands gripping his biceps as I try to right myself.

As much as I want to stay in these arms where I feel safe, I know it can't last.

"Are you sick, Omega? I thought you were at school," Daemon says, almost sounding worried but maybe he's just annoyed with me.

Embarrassed, I pull back from him, standing up by myself. The loss of contact sends disappointment flooding through me. Daemon looks down at me, taking in my appearance which I know must be horrid.

I looked in the mirror earlier and my face was all pale and sickly, my opal-green eyes dull, with dark circles under both of them. I don't want Daemon to see.

"I'm fine," I look down, avoiding his gaze like I often do.

But then I feel his hand on my chin, lifting it to face up at him.

"Look at me when you speak to me," he orders but it's not harsh sounding, it's gentle and it makes my eyes widen.

I feel my face heat as I'm forced to hold eye-contact with him and at such close proximity too.

"And you're not fine," he says as he examines my face. "Why are you telling me you're fine?"

"I'm just tired. I'm really okay."

Daemon frowns and it's obvious he doesn't believe me.

"Well that's bullshit. You've been crying, Omega. I can tell."

I scowl a bit, not wanting to answer.

"Why are you here?" I try to change the subject.

"Getting some documents for Lucien," Daemon slightly shifts the papers in his hand. "Now why are you here? Ditching class again?"

I give him an annoyed look that's almost a glare, walking off to the living room.

"No. That turned out to be the worst decision, like, ever."

"Karma's a bitch, huh?" he follows after me as I sink into the couch.

I don't know why he's trying to talk to me about this.

"Yeah, you could say that," I reply, starting to sniffle. "And now I've failed my biology test."

Shit. The one thing I did not want to do was cry in front of Daemon. I don't want his pity and I don't want him to see how pathetic I am so I try to stop it but my lip just quivers as a tear slips down my cheek.

I look to Daemon and he looks surprised, another emotion simmering below the surface. But I can't tell what it is.

"Tests are made to be failed, Omega," he offers which is crazy because I can't believe he's trying to comfort me.

Or is it that, even?

Maybe he's just making fun of me.

I look at him sadly, wiping my eyes.

"No. You wouldn't understand," I shake my head, covering my face in shame.

"Then why won't you..." Daemon starts and I look at him expectantly but he doesn't go on.

What was he going to say?

"I'm gonna go," I stand up, walking back towards the stairwell. "I don't want to be seen like this."

[katherinemil-blog]

100 reasons to stay alive: 1. to make your parents proud 2. to conquer your fears 3. to see your family again 4. to see your favourite artist live 5. to listen to music again 6. to experience a new culture 7. to make new friends 8. to inspire 9. to have your own children 10. to adopt your own pet 11. to make yourself proud 12. to meet your idols 13. to laugh until you cry 14. to feel tears of happiness 15. to eat your favourite food 16. to see your siblings grow 17. to pass school 18. to get tattoo 19. to smile until your cheeks hurt 20. to meet your internet friends 21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve 22. to eat ice cream on a hot day 23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day 24. to see untouched snow in the morning 25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire 26. to see stars light up the sky 27. to read a book that changes your life 28. to see the flowers in the spring 29. to see the leaves change from green to brown 30. to travel abroad 31. to learn a new language 32. to learn to draw 33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them 34. Puppy kisses. 35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek). 36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them. 37. Trampolines. 38. Ice cream. 39. Stargazing. 40. Cloud watching. 41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets. 42. Receiving thoughtful gifts. 43. “I saw this and thought of you." 44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you." 45. The relief you feel after crying. 46. Sunshine. 47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention. 48. Your future wedding. 49. Your favorite candy bar. 50. New clothes. 51. Witty puns. 52. Really good bread. 53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time. 54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.) 55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling. 56. The smell before and after it rains 57. The sound of rain against a rooftop. 58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing. 59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them. 60. Trying out new recipes. 61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio. 62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage. 63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable. 64.Breakfast in bed. 65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theater. 66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning). 67. Pray (if you are religious) 68. Forgiveness. 69. Water balloon fights. 70. New books by your favorite authors. 71. Fireflies. 72. Birthdays. 73. Realizing that someone loves you. 74. Spending the day with someone you love. 75. To see the beauty of nature for your own eyes. 76. To slow dance in the rain with your partner. 78. To grow old with your partner. 79. To watch your children grow 80. The smell of a new book. 81. To listen to your favorite artist singing in person right in front of you. 82. The birds singing early in the morning. 83. To watch your favorite movie with your favorite people while eating your favorite food. 84. Going to the spa with your best friend. 85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed. 86. Someone’s skin against yours. 87. Holding hands. 88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world. 89. Singing off key with your best friends. 90. Road trips. 91. Spontaneous adventures. 92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes. 93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees. 94. Thunderstorms. 95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland. 96. The taste of your favorite food. 97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning. 98. The day when everything finally goes your way. 99. Compliments and praise. 100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realise you did it.

[unschoolhome]

When Plans Ruin Everything

I knew it was too much before I even got out of bed. But I snuggled Z and started the motor of my brain and made the pancakes and kept doing things the way I always do.

And was fought almost every step of the way.

X and Z had long emotional resistances this morning (multiple for Z). Everyone complained about helping fold laundry (despite having no clothes in their drawers upon waking this morning). All X and Y wanted to do this morning was make rows and shapes of dominoes and knock them down. This feels worthless. Beneath them. A waste of time and energy.

I felt angry, resentful, unheard, on the back foot.

Then I start thinking:

- All you do is play all day and I have to work, work, work for everyone else (chores). - Morning time is work time, why are you refusing to be productive during the time of day specifically reserved for maximum productivity? - I’m doing it wrong, I’m failing according to such and such standards. I feel so guilty and panicked that this is all wrong and there will be massive negative consequences.

I react to my feelings and inner monologue by disrupting what they are doing. I sever the many-tendriled, curling, flowering flow of the day with the snipping reminders of the to-do list. I honestly cringe hearing myself.

Guess what. It doesn’t go that well.

I end up feeling frazzled and overwhelmed by their dependence on me, their bad attitudes, and their lack of productivity.

Whereas before I interrupted, everyone was meaningfully engaged and cheerful. When I am less available, they are more independent.

This is a pattern I want to break. Here are my tools:

1. Recall what they are doing, will do, have done.

Just because it isn’t happening from 9-noon doesn’t mean it won’t (or hasn’t already) happened. We do most of our schoolwork 12:30-2pm, at breakfast, at dinner, afternoons, even before bedtime.

2. Think about what other education is actually like.

Is it better in school right now? If those kids are getting more academics, what are they exchanging? Less sunshine, less creative time, less conversation, less movement. Not worth it.

3. Do what I want to do.

If I want to be productive in the morning, I should do that. Clean bathrooms, cut up vegetables, put in laundry. Especially if the kids are meaningfully engaged, I can just get on with it. Does that feel good to me? Would I like to do something else with my time? If so, do that. No martyrs here.

4. Require less, invite more.

When the kids are interested, they engage. Relentlessly. If they aren’t entering into the study, it’s not interesting enough or it’s not the right fit for right now. Change things up and they will bring the energy.

5. Breaks are necessary.

I don’t care if we skip our read aloud for a few days, or pause a summer history study when other things are going on. We just pick it back up when we have time. Same should go for academic works. When it’s a priority, we’ll do it. Until then, rest is okay for absorption.

6. Give requirements clock times.

At 11:30, we are all going to stop what we’re doing and fold laundry. Let them manage their own time.

7. Do less. 

Allow time for spontaneity each day by scheduling way less. It’s okay if the board is not full - we will come up with something. Even boredom is not something to be afraid of. (Even though I am, I really am.)

8. Who is it for?

Who is this education for? Is it for the public, the government, the lawmakers, the future? Is it for the child, for my edification, for an experiment? A strengths-based education is going to feel lopsided at times (and I really do get sick of my kids interests and proclivities). But who is it for? And if they were in school, would they be eagerly absorbing everything equally or just getting through some classes any way they could and finding subversive ways to carve time for their true interests (like I did)?

9. I’m not in charge.

This year it has really hit home that I am not in charge. The kids have personalities, talents, interests, and developmental patterns that are inherent. I want to amplify their voices, not shut them down. I have influence, but they are sovereign. And, see #1, I am making sure they get lots of skills work outside their particular interests and proclivities. So I use my limited power for their best benefit and they ultimately have to take it somewhere.

10. I am learning.

Growth, change. Not just for kids. Every day brings new lessons and new chances for me too. Today I saw that there isn’t enough time for everything and I am the one interrupting some of the learning going on. It’s not about avoiding conflict or making everyone happy or justifying my choices. It’s about getting closer to who I want to be and how I want to live - all possible ways of which are imperfect.

When I feel the same old pitfall coming on - when I can see it out my windshield - please God help me try a new direction, even off the beaten path. It may be scary but this is our one precious life. Risks must be taken.

And grace given. Today was still full of goodness.

[pastelearthling65]

100 reasons to stay alive: 

1. to make your parents proud

2. to conquer your fears

3. to see your family again

4. to see your Favorite artist live

5. to listen to music again

6. to experience a new culture

7. to make new friends

8. to inspire

9. to have your own children

10. to adopt your own pet

11. to make yourself proud

12. to meet your idols

13. to laugh until you cry

14. to feel tears of happiness

15. to eat your favorite food

16. to see your siblings grow

17. to pass school

18. to get tattoo

19. to smile until your cheeks hurt

20. to meet your internet friends

21. to find someone who loves you like you deserve

22. to eat ice cream on a hot day

23. to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

24. to see untouched snow in the morning

25. to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

26. to see stars light up the sky

27. to read a book that changes your life

28. to see the flowers in the spring

29. to see the leaves change from green to brown

30. to travel abroad

31. to learn a new language

32. to learn to draw

33. to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

34. Puppy kisses.

35. Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

36. Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

37. Trampolines.

38. Ice cream.

39. Stargazing.

40. Cloud watching.

41. Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

42. Receiving thoughtful gifts.

43. To hear “I saw this and thought of you."

44. The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

45. The relief you feel after crying.

46. Sunshine.

47. The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

48. Your future wedding.

49. Your favorite candy bar.

50. New clothes.

51. Witty puns.

52. Really good bread.

53. Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

54. Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

55. The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

56. The smell before and after it rains

57. The sound of rain against a rooftop.

58. The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

59. The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

60. Trying out new recipes.

61. The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

62. The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

63. You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable.

64.Breakfast in bed.

65. Getting a middle seat in the movie theater.

66. Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

67. Pray (if you are religious) 

68. Forgiveness.

69. Water balloon fights.

70. New books by your favorite authors.

71. Fireflies.

72. Birthdays.

73. Realizing that someone loves you.

74. Spending the day with someone like you.

75. Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

76. Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person.

77. Joy and happiness in the little things.

78. The power to inspire others.

79. The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression.

80. To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.

81. To make a positive impact on the environment and help protect the planet.

82. Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family.

83. Learn new things and develop new skills.

84. Create a legacy that will outlive you.

85. Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

86. Cuddles

87. Holding hands.

88. The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. The kind of hug where your breath syncs with the other person’s, and you feel like the only two people in the world.

89. Singing off key with your best friends.

90. Road trips.

91. Spontaneous adventures.

92. The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

93. The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

94. Thunderstorms.

95. Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

96. The taste of your favorite food.

97. The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

98. The day when everything finally goes your way.

99. Compliments and praise.

100. to look on this moment in 10 years time and realize you did it.

Ps : Never forget you are a beautiful person 💕 Life is so beautiful so live, live like no one else exist, live for yourself, don't care of bad people, you are strong

Fuck man im really not okay…