#might as well do as much as I can now I guess so I can get it finished early tomorrow

[fierceawakening]

It depends on what liberalism means exactly. I don’t know how old you are or whether you’re in the US, but I’m in my 40s and USian, and for most of my life “liberal” was how you said leftist in any sense, which is part of why o ask what people mean by it. Popular T shirt during the W years was DAMN right I’m a LIBERAL.

(“I’m a liberal” might have meant “I’m not a communist.” I can’t tell from your replies here whether you are one, but if you are and are disliking that I’m not, that’s a bit less baffling but we’re probably at an impasse. I know people whose close family members were slaughtered by Mao, so “we can try this again and it’ll work” wouldn’t likely sway me without a lot of clear argument for how we keep it from degenerating into that.)

So yeah that word doesn’t have negative connotations for me. I’m pretty sure the word people use now for what we meant then is “progressive,” but I could not quite be one of those depending on where the cutoff is which is why I keep… asking… where the cutoff is?

There’s also “liberalism” in a different sense which refers I *think* to Enlightenment thought in general. It’s been many long years since i studied enlightenment thinkers, and back when I did I was an older teenager and hadn’t done much questioning of a lot of things. But the primary thing that struck me when I read people like Kant, Locke, etc. was that they had a vision of everyone being fundamentally equal in worth, and things like race or religion as incidental, kind of like the cherries on a sundae.

This is both good and bad, or at least that’s where I eventually landed with all that.

The good part is that sometimes aggregating everyone helps get rid of bias in the way things are run. Think about women gaining the vote, or poll taxes being struck down so black people could vote. We’re all fundamentally the same. We all fundamentally should get the same say.

(Donald Trump in the US is currently threatening this. Many if not most people consider that a five alarm fire. If he gets to dismantle or corrode this, people will suffer greatly. A lot of people, in my not so humble opinion, will die.)

The bad part is that sometimes there’s a broad history of discrimination and repression. When that’s the case, sometimes recalibrating the measurements to zero everything out doesn’t do enough. Societal histories reverberate, and undoing the damage is hard, long term, and careful work.

Acknowledgement of this is often the difference between “liberals” in the sense of “progressives” and “conservatives,” who tend to think traditions are important and worth preserving even if they create inequalities (and, as they get more openly fascist, may value these traditions precisely BECAUSE they create inequalities.)

So if the question is “do I think that lasting inequality needs to be addressed in social policy,” yes? But I’d think most left leaning people believe that?

Most feminists I’ve met do too I think. I guess we could say there are a few people out there who are a blend of conservatism (or libertarianism?) and feminism, like Wendy McElroy, but I’d be inclined to just say libertarians at that point.

So once again: which definition of liberalism are we using here? *Who* are we insulting?

But yeah if you’re asking in the US politics sense I’d call myself progressive, though the old term was “liberal” and that feels less weird.

Mostly in agreement with Bernie and AOC?

…So now I’ve made a long effortpost explaining my politics in detail. Are you willing to do the same, or are you just going to keep insulting me while not opening your own beliefs to scrutiny as well?

[Tiktok user Clairrorism]

[hello-sweetheart]

You know that trope where Person A thinks Person B is just being nice but they’re actually flirting. What about the opposite? Person A misreading their behavior and being the only one falling impossibly in love.

Clumsy in Love Part 3

Adiel had already gone to bed by the time he heard frantic knocking at his door. He stumbled through his apartment hazy with sleep, a hand stretched out to guide him through the dark until he reached his living room. The lights were blinding to his eyes.

“Adiel?” Came the muffled voice through the through the door. “Can…can I come in please?”

Dread washed over him quick and ugly, churning his stomach as his shaking hands unlatched the locks. Had something happen? Was Eddie hurt? Or—

He hesitated to unlock the last latch. Was Eddie drunk? No, he shook his head. Eddie doesn’t… he doesn’t drink, not like that. He doesn’t get…like that. Not like his ex.

“Adiel?” It was softer now, and he finally opened the door.

“Eddie?”

His voice was still rough from his abrupt wakening, but he looked over quickly checking for anything really. When he couldn’t find anything, his shoulders finally loosened.

“Hey,” Eddie smiled a little crooked and forced, “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“It’s cool. Come inside, are you okay? It’s,” a brief glance at his digital watch, “it’s two in the morning, Eddie.”

They shuffled inside and Adiel locked the door behind him. Guiding Eddie to the kitchen as he flicked on a couple more lights.

“I know, I know. I’ve just been,” he gestured vaguely and his rings caught the warm tones of the lights, “driving around. For a while. Uh, my heads just been a mess today and I…”

“And?”

Adiel encouraged him softly.

Eddie, always so unapologetically himself and taking up space in any room he’s in, looks unsure. He looks away, eyes a bit hooded from exhaustion, he thinks. Sadness, maybe.

He has to guide Eddie’s hand away from where he’s begun to wear down his thumb nail again. A habit that he sure Eddie’s picked up from him.

“And, I wanted to see you.”

His heart might actually sore inside him.

“Well,” he offers a cheeky grin and spins on his toes until he’s facing him again, “you have me.”

“Yeah, I have you.” The words carry weight to them. Adiel’s cheeks flush with warmth.

“You do. Come, let’s go put you bed. You don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.”

Having Eddie is his bed always feels like the world to him. It’s one of the only moments when his mind is able to still, thoughts silent. All his worries are gone when he has Eddie in his arms.

It not just when they’re being intimate (‘canoodling’, he says because he likes to make Ed groan), it’s about having him in his space and still feeling safe. Safer, even. And it’s unlike anything he’s been able to feel in his past relationships.

Safe. Being open and vulnerable and still falling asleep next to someone. Eddie coming here at night, because he feels safe enough to be vulnerable, too.

Adiel always falls too fast and too hard, but he just feels so much. Too much. And they only had a couple months together now, but he can feel himself falling. Not there yet. But he could, soon. It’s as if he’s bracing for the impact of it all.

“You’re still awake.”

“I need to tell you something. I can’t sleep until I do.”

Adiel hums.

“Earlier today, or, yesterday I guess. I was at Steve’s house and… he kissed me.”

The night is so silent, even in the city.

“Did, did you want to kiss him?”

“He kissed me. He surprised me and…I didn’t kiss him back. I wouldn’t do that to you, Adiel.”

He gathers Eddie in his arms, his chest against Eddie’s back, and burrows deep into the nape of his neck.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry that he kissed you.”

“He’s my friend. An unlikely one, but one of the best that I have. I don’t want to lose that. I can’t. I, I owe him my life.”

“No.”

“I do. I’m only here because of—“

“I know what he did for you and I’m so grateful you’re still here, Eddie. I don’t want to imagine a world with you. But if he’s as good as a friend as you’ve said he is, then he wouldn’t want you to feel like you owe him anything.”

“You’re right. I don’t mean it that way. Just that… he’s important to me. And I don’t want to let it go.”

“Give him time then, and space. He’ll need it right now and you’ll have to respect his boundaries.” Like he didn’t respect ours. He nuzzles deeper and breathes in his scent it’s thick with sandalwood.

“I feel like it’s my fault that he feels this way.”

“Can’t make anyone feel anything they don’t want to.”

“When did you get so wise?” He laughs.

“Hush, baby. We both need some sleep.”

“You’re the best among men, Adiel. Goo’night.”

“Night, Ed.”

He’s burning with jealousy, but he can keep it tucked away. Steve means something to him. And that’s what he’s afraid of right now.

He tightens his arms around Eddie, being selfish with his warmth.

I just found you, he kisses his shoulder, I can’t lose you.

———

Something changes after that night. It’s not noticeable right away, his friends don’t notice, but Adiel does. He notices everything about Eddie, even the finer details.

He doesn’t mention Steve anymore, at least not to him. And Adiel doesn’t know if this is a good thing or not.

He didn’t notice how much Eddie talked about Steve until he stopped.

He has these moments in between their kisses and conversations where he… gets lost, for a lack of a better word. His eyes carry this far away look and Adiel know he’s not here with him.

He kisses him back to him until his eyes are alight again and smiling enough to show off his one crooked canine.

When will his kisses stop being enough? Will Eddie simply float away from him, like a cherished red balloon escaping the grasp of a small child, only able to watch it go.

He tries to hold onto him tighter. His hand interlocked with his, squeezing and rubbing his thumb on Eddie’s knuckles just to make sure he doesn’t float away.

He doesn’t want to hold too tight that he suffocates him, but he can’t help it.

I can’t lose you, I…

There are many things he loves about Eddie that he can list off, but the one this that makes him different is how he doesn’t care about Adiel’s strangeness.

His timid demeanor that he never grew out of. His constant need to be reassured. His laugh, more of giggle that gets him strange looks. His restless fingers and chewed, painted nails down to a stump.

All things he’s been called effeminate for.

Targeted, pushed aside, excluded…

Eddie takes all these traits and kisses them one by one. Nurturing them. Loving them. Seeking them.

Eddie makes him feel like man, instead of questioning his masculinity. He’s even painted his nails for him and didn’t bat an eye when he asked for baby purple instead of the assumed black.

“Baby, do you mean lavender?”

“Oh my god, shut up! If it’s called baby pink why can’t it be called baby purple. Stop laughing!”

Eddie makes him feel like it’s all okay. That he’s okay.

And everything, everything will be okay, too.

Until it wasn’t.

———

Eddie didn’t stop making him feel loved or cared for, but it felt different than from before that night. Today has feeling to it. Like the end.

He keeps stalling against the inevitable.

“Adiel—“

“Let’s watch movie? You can sleep here again and I’ll make breakfast for dinner,” because Eddie doesn’t like savory foods after dark, “I have a couple new tapes to choose from—“

“Baby.”

Baby purple.

No, no, no. His hands are shaking again.

“You know, don’t you? That it’s the end for us?Adiel, I wish we could’ve been different,” He holds his shaking hands and Adiel focuses on them instead of meeting his eyes. It’s been a long time coming, doesn’t mean he feels prepared.

“Have you been… seeing him?” It’s the first time since that night that they’ve talked about Steve. His hands are squeezed tight.

“No! God, I would never go behind your back. I haven’t talked to him since then, I promise. I’ve been giving him space, trying to let him come around on his own time, but…”

“But you miss him.”

His world is falling apart.

“Have you been in love with him this whole time? That day in the music store, did you like him then too?”

“No. Maybe? I, I really don’t know. I don’t think I ever saw him that way. I didn’t even consider it a possibility until he—“

“Yeah, until he fucking kissed you!” He pulls his hands away and doesn’t miss the fact that Eddie didn’t try to hold onto them.

“Until he kissed me.”

Why must it hurt this much?

It always hurts so much.

His body is shaking but he avoids any attempts of Eddie trying to comfort him. Can’t bear the way he looks at him scared and careful like he’s trying to calm a wild animal.

Everything was perfect.

They could’ve been perfect,

If it hadn’t been for one fucking kiss from some guy that can’t stay out of people’s relationships.

“He’s stealing you away and you’re letting him!”

“He’s not stealing me, Adiel! You can’t steal people away like that, they have to be willing to go.”

“Willing to leave me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you, Eddie.” It’s a dirty trick to say it here and now, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Adiel needs to say it. Needs Eddie to know.

Some sick part of him enjoys the hurt look that crosses Eddie’s face, but it’s not close to feeling vindicated.

“I fucking love you, Ed.” He whispers it this time.

“I… I loved you, Adiel. Wish I could’ve loved you longer.”

“It’s been months since he kissed you. He might not even like you that way anymore.” Might not love you the way I can. “I don’t understand, how can you throw away everything for a maybe?”

“It wouldn’t be fair for any of us if I stayed. I know I’ve been absent minded, know that you could tell that I didn’t have my all in us anymore. You deserve someone who doesn’t make feel that way. Adiel. I don’t have any right to ask, but can you you try to understand—“

“Then don’t ask! You shouldn’t! I don’t want to hear about what you think that I deserve. Just, just leave. Please.”

“…Will you be okay?”

“No, but I’ll have to be. Go, Eddie, I’m not yours to worry over anymore.”

He doesn’t know how long he stays on the kitchen floor. His head hurts, his heart feels empty. His nose won’t stop running no matter how many times he wipes away the snot with his sleeve.

He must look like a mess. Look unattractive.

Adiel feels unattractive.

He didn’t even notice the sound of someone unlocking the door and step in until familiar arms are around him. He’s engulfed immediately in warmth and the scent of coconut. Vanilla.

A humorless laugh escapes him, Eddie must have called her.

“I love him, Tiff. There’s something wrong with me.”

“Oh babe, no. No. Nothing is wrong with you.” She rocks him in her arms, tucking him into her neck. Her signature afro puffs tickle his nose. The same hairstyle she’s kept since they were kids.

“Just haven’t met the one right?”

“You’ll find them, babe. You still have us. You still have me. Now and until the next life.”

“‘Til the next life, Tiff.” A pinky promise as old as time.

He curls further into her and not for the first time he wishes that they were straight. That they could feel that way about each other.

Life would have been so much easier.

They would have had much less heartbreaks, and maybe, he wouldn’t have been so broken.

Part 2 < 💛 > Part 4

[lewistoferrari]

mdni

“stop being such a baby, garrick, and take the damn medicine.”

kyle eyes the tiny plastic cup in your hand with a look of disgust. he wasn’t drinking that. “i’d rather die,” he says, before having a coughing fit, that leaves him with a throbbing throat and a little chest pain.

when he’s done hacking up a lung, you give your husband an exasperated look. “if you keep coughing like that, you just might.”

“well then i guess i’ll die.”

you really don’t mean to, but a bubble of laughter leaves your mouth before you can stop it. leave it up to kyle to be so damn dramatic about a few milliliters of cough syrup.

“ky, please.”

“ky please,” he mimics in an awful voice that sounds nothing like yours, before smirking when you scowl at him. “if i take the medicine, do i get a reward?”

“no.”

“damn, not even a crumb of pu—”

you ignore the look of disappointment on his face. “not even that,” you huff, before rolling your eyes.

and much to your amusement, kyle actually has the audacity to fold his arms across his chest with a pout. when he tells you that he’s not taking the medicine since you refuse to reward him, you cave. you don’t agree because you’re thinking about the way your husband will have you face down with your ass up.

all you want is for kyle to stop being so damn stubborn and take the medicine, before his cold gets much worse. you don’t actually plan on letting him anywhere near you while he’s still contagious.

so you hold the cup out for kyle to take, your eyebrow raising a bit at the way he tosses the medicine back like it’s a shot. and as soon as he sets the medicine cup onto the nightstand, he pounces. he ignores your protests as he yanks down and pins you to the bed.

“you’re gonna get me sick,” you whine while you try and fail to remove his hand away from the hem of your shirt.

“now, where’s my reward?” kyle asks with a grin, before tugging your shirt up further and taking a nipple into his mouth.

[wonderjanga]

Sharing Can in Fact Lead to Caring

Sometimes Billy doesn’t need Solomon. Sometimes, Billy just says whatever that comes off the top of his head, it can be surprisingly helpful at times. (Billy doesn’t realize most of them are just coming to their dad figure for advice)

Such as the time Wonder Woman came to him concerned about time dilation. When Solomon explained what that meant, he had a pretty good idea of what she was talking about. Basically, she was worried about the afterword of the Justice League and her friends and how she would outlive them all. He brought her ice cream and they talked it out. In a way, he supposed he understood her. Billy couldn’t remember his mom or dad’s faces or personalities. He only had Captain Marvel to go off of and he guesses Mary, but she looks more like a young version of their mom. In the end, after much talking and trying to show he understands her worries, she seemed to be doing better.

Then, there was a talk with J’onn. The Martian had confided in not feeling at home with the humans. Not that he blamed him. J’onn had lost his home. So, Billy talked with him. Again, sort of relating. The way the Martian described missing his planet, reminded Billy of how he’d missed his parents. By the end of the talk, the Martian seemed to feel a little lighter after it.

Then, there was this kid.

Little Girl: *sitting on a bench alone*

Marvel: “Hey there, miss. Where are your parents?”

Little Girl: *stares* “There not here.”

Marvel: “Why’s that?” *sits down next to her*

Little Girl: *shrugs*

Marvel: “Well, then do you have any guardians?”

Little Girl: “I think so, but I don’t really like her. She’s mean. I don’t think she likes me or my foster siblings.”

Marvel: “Oh? You’re from foster care?”

Little Girl: *hesitantly nods head*

Marvel: “And I’m guessing you ran away?”

Little Girl: *nods again* “Are you going to tell on me?”

Marvel: “No. I ran away from my foster homes all the time.” *shrugs, doesn’t know why he’s saying this but might as well go with it*

Little Girl: “You did?”

Marvel: “Yeah. They were all terrible. And the ones that weren’t terrible were just neglectful.”

Little Girl: “What does neglectful mean?”

Marvel: “It means not paying attention to something. Like for example, I had this foster parent who would go days without coming home, leaving me and the other kids to have to feed ourselves. She wasn’t paying attention to us or our needs.”

Little Girl: “That’s sad.”

Marvel: “Yeah, it is. So, why did you run away from your foster home?”

Little Girl: “The lady who adopted me throws stuff when she gets mad. She’s mad a lot.”

Marvel: “That sucks. I had a foster home like that too. He would throw a bottles, forks, books, whatever he could get his hands on.”

Little Girl: “You did? Did you think it was scary?”

Marvel: “Yeah.”

*silence*

Marvel: “You know, a friend of mine got adopted recently.”

Little Girl: “Really?”

Marvel: “Yeah, he’s been with them for about half a year now. He says they’re great. They’ve been fostering kids for a while apparently too.”

Little Girl: “That sounds nice.”

Marvel: “It is. Do you want me to ask about it?”

Little Girl: “Huh?”

Marvel: “Do you want me to ask him if there’s any spots open?”

Little Girl: *stares for a bit* “Yeah.” *stomach growls*

Marvel: “Alright, then I will. Now, how long have you been on the streets?”

Little Girl: “Oh uhm… a couple days.”

Marvel: “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” *stands up*

Little Girl: “Really?” *hops off the bench*

Marvel: “Yeah. You feeling chili dogs or tacos? Those are the only two vendors I know that’ll give me something free.”

Little Girl: “Tacos, please.”

Marvel: “Alright then- uh, my bad. I never asked your name?”

Little Girl: “Oh uhm it’s Darla.”

Marvel: “Darla? Alright then Darla.” *fatherly ahh smile* “Let’s go get you some food, ‘kay?”

So ya. He met Darla. She’s a sweet kid. He would need to ask Freddy more about the Vazquez situation. Hopefully, just hopefully, they could squeeze the little girl into their family.

Also, uh… I guess in this AU, Freddy met the Vazquez and got adopted because he went back into foster care for a bit for whatever reason. There, he got adopted into the family. Darla joins after him for this post to work.

[imbonewary]

I have THOOOUUUGHTSSS

Kinda late to this party but I wanted to write some stuff anyways, just off the cuff. Brain to paper. This might not be polished or pretty but whatever, I'm doing it anyways.

So.

I do rather like the idea of Frisk/Chara having a gold soul, whether it's associated with Determination or not. More on this later. Probably.

I also like the implication that any soul controlled by us as the player would become red, overriding the character's natural trait, no mater what it may be. I heard a theory that red might be associated with freedom or choice, but I think Control works better in this scenario. Specifically OUR Control over the character/narrative/game/etc. This would explain why there are multiple ending in Undertale, because we have ultimate control over Frisk, while Deltarune is working towards a single ending, because we are not the only ones in control since Kris can resist our influence (to a degree) and so can Susie the few times we direct her.

This also has some interesting implications for my Shifting Sans story, so spoilers I guess?

Serif was once an "average" Sans before absorbing a piece of the genocidal human's soul; this is represented by his soul having a red teardrop shape in the middle of it. I have no intention of changing this but I might have him discover later that the red he had associated with Determination up until now was actually connected to the player and explains why he's able to exert control over his own story as much as he does, and the stories of other AUs once he figures out how to travel between them. He gains player-like abilities that someone in-universe isn't supposed to have and manages to sort of break reality by harnessing that connection.

I think that's all the thoughts I had on this for now, but this post still feels a lot shorter than I was expecting. Oh well, I might add more to this theory later.

Undertale Theories: Determination and the Color Red

*This is a two part theory. The first part is a theory that you may have heard before, but it ties into the second theory, so it’s a necessary refresher. Hopefully, the second part is something new and mind-blowing. If it isn’t, then I offer you a conciliatory egg (terms and exclusions apply).

Part One

*In UNDERTALE, there are seven human SOULs, six of which we are able to see during the course of the game. We know the names and colors of these SOULs: Integrity (Blue), Perseverance (Purple), Patience (Cyan), Kindness (Green), Justice (Yellow), Bravery (Orange). Since the fallen human, Frisk’s SOUL is colored red when it appears for battle, it has long been assumed that the seventh SOUL color is Red paired with the trait of Determination.

*There are a few problems with this theory. The first issue that arises involves the SOUL colors being associated with the words. When the SOUL trait of Bravery is mentioned (during Ball Game) it appears in the color Orange. When Determination is mentioned in the game, the color used is Gold, not Red. Entry Number 5 in the True Lab describes Determination as the “will to keep living” and the “resolve to change fate.” In the game, Save Points, which epitomize Determination, are also colored Gold.

*The best evidence for the Determination SOUL being Gold rather than Red occurs when we compare this screenshot from Undertale:

*with this screenshot from Deltarune:

*Though they aren’t quite in the same order, the flowers in Deltarune correspond with the human SOULs from Undertale, and the seventh flower is Gold. This reinforces the theory that the color of Determination is Gold, not Red. So why is Frisk’s SOUL Red during battles, and why is Kris’ SOUL Red when they remove it and throw it into the cage?

*I have a theory:

Part Two

*Here’s the tea (in theory). Red is the color that a human SOUL turns when a Player is controlling it. It’s not a trait color. It’s a unique magic color not associated with a SOUL trait at all.

*The first evidence of this theory starts at the beginning of the game. You are asked to choose a name for the Fallen Human. We know the character that we play as is named Frisk, so this doesn’t really make sense, does it? If you choose the name Frisk, you activate Hard Mode, which ends at the Ruins. Odd. Unless… Frisk, the character we play, is not the same as us, the Fallen Human.

*What could this mean? It could mean that we, humans, have Fallen into Undertale… the game. This also implies that Frisk is, in fact, a nonbinary character and does not use they simply because they are our avatar.

*The next evidence involving the color Red is Ball Game. The words Ball Game appear in Red, while each SOUL trait appears in its corresponding color. You are awarded a red flag for completing the game. If you get the red flag more than once, you are reminded:

*Interestingly enough, you cannot play Ball Game in the Genocide Route. Also, in the Genocide Route, when you look in the mirror, it says “It’s me, <the name you chose>.” This seems to indicate that when you play that Route, you are doing something which does not fall into Frisk’s character since in the other Routes when Frisk looks in the mirror it says “It’s you.” Also, in the True Pacifist epilogue, once we are no longer controlling Frisk’s important decisions, the mirror says:

*The strongest evidence (in my opinion), is presented during our battles with Papyrus (and Sans), Undyne, Muffet, and Mettaton. The human SOUL changes colors and this affects how the SOUL acts in battle. It is possible that Frisk has a Gold SOUL which is colored Red because you (the Player) are controlling it. Another interesting fact is that during Undyne’s battle, the action that you cannot use (FLEE) and the strategy you (the Player) need to use to win are presented in the color Red.

*This also ties into Deltarune. When Kris rips the SOUL out of their chest, it is Red… and you (the Player) are able to move it within the cage! In Deltarune, there seem to be an awareness of a Player controlling the actions of the characters (some text which indicates that they are dissatisfied with decisions or actions). Kris may be removing the Player-controlled SOUL because they are aware of it.

*This has some interesting implications considering what happens afterwards. After our control is removed, Kris would supposedly now, finally, be in control of themself… and it’s a bit scary. 

Thoughts? Comments? Feel free to weigh in.

(Hoping @nochocolate​ sees this even though they are not active.)

[weirdmageddon]

the original post i want everyone to see is way out of my hands now, so i’ll repost this again here as new but separate post. it touches on things i want to go into more depth about.

@wasabikitcat gets this idea. this reply—thank you so much for not just understanding what i was going for, but putting my exact thoughts into cleaner words on the bad reading comprehension site.

i can't believe how misunderstood my point was about “spirituality” (i didn’t know it was that much of a loaded phrase!), but thank you for putting what i meant into more nuanced terms.

it's something that can be hard for me to put into words, and maybe i gave people the wrong impression by using the word "spirituality", since words mean different things to different people. i just haven't seen people discussing it so i wasn't sure how to really put it. but regardless of terminology, this reply is exactly what i'm getting at. and this is coming from someone who has a very scientific mind. i wouldnt even consider myself a traditionally “spiritual” person in the normal connotation of the word.

edit: this one as well!

i see this as a cultural/political factor that we shouldn’t ignore, because this sense of meaning has driven people's motivations since the beginning of human civilization.

there's a primal aspect that hasn't really left us but there seems to be no room for it in our modern culture because half of these “guides” seem to be driven by “i cant wait for civilization to collapse so MY ideology can rise from the ashes" and the other half of it seems to be driven by greed. and often they are hand in hand.

i would really like to see actual enlightening ideas stemming from buddhist thought, analytical psychology, collective unconscious, and archetypes to take off in the public consciousness. (completely divorced from jordan peterson. just the original jungian stuff)

i am especially supportive towards getting people interested in carl jung's works. his idea was to get people to understand, "what myth am i living?" based on the same archetypes and symbols that recur time and time again throughout human history that we can all collectively recognize regardless of culture. so it's a sense of meaning based in the self. i don't want people being sent down reactionary paths when looking for meaning in their lives.

i think it would benefit people to who feel lost especially in uncertain/unprecedented times like, with those “there's got to be more to this, something deeper,” insinct. i see that people are looking for this but get taken advantage of or manipulated.

but on this deeper sense of meaning in life thing, the Left isn't doing a great job at providing an option for “lost” people looking for meaning that the Right seems to be having no trouble with. i wonder if this is why we've seen so many of these lost young men flock to reactionary commentators?

this reminds me of an excellent point contrapoints made in her video about jordan peterson, saying,

“The last thing I like is that you talk about deep shit. I was watching a video where you and a couple of zany goons were talking about Plato and Aristotle and the meaning of life. And I thought, ‘Huh… on the Left, we don’t really talk about that kind of thing. All we talk about is how society oppresses people.’ And that might not be enough. Because people need to have a positive purpose in life. I mean, personally, I don’t give a shit. I’m pretty happy to sit here watching the same three seasons of Strangers with Candy until I die. But other people, like Dostoevsky, Camus, other white guys who talk about lobsters…they have this need to have purpose in the face of suffering, and like, not just complain about patriarchy. I guess it’s easier to not complain about patriarchy when patriarchy isn’t the thing that’s making you suffer. But I do think that an education that only teaches people about oppression is inadequate. We spend four years teaching undergraduates why capitalism is bad, and then we say, ‘Well, you’re educated now. Good luck getting a job under capitalism, bye!’ …And that really kind of sucks! But you know, I think that’s a point that can probably be made without comparing transgender activism to Stalin.”

speaking of her, this is a related post i wrote earlier on young men being radicalized and how to approach communication

and by the way, if you are interested in learning jungian psychology and want to see what it’s about, here are some resources to get you started:

i think the jung subreddit has a great collection of resources on its about page.

i highly recommend Demystifying Jungian Psychology to start. it’s meant for beginners. it is available in english and spanish. you can currently find the book in the comments section here. since sometimes these links lead to a 404, i don’t want to link directly to the google drive page. i want you to have a link to the original thread in case it gets broken.

[deliciousnecks]

But can we talk about how powerful nandor is? like yeah, he might be a bit silly, and not in touch with the modern world, but if he wanted to, he could have already conquered whatever the fuck he wanted to. (he built an army, and jerry is still looking at maps over there).

like let's just start by pointing out that nandor didn't need to be a vampire to accomplish all these great things that he wanted in life. vampirism only made him more dangerous. nandor has always had too much power in his hands, that he tends to misuse, but that's actually a good thing for the people around him because if not, the truth is that they would be fucked.

He was born in a position of privilege, one that put him later on in his life in positions of power, he was a leader who did fucked up shit. As a vampire, he can hypnotize thousands, but even if he couldn't, nandor knows how to attract people to him when he puts his mind to it, as we were able to see, but guess what? he also has doing everyone around him doing whatever shit he wants, because rarely people can say no to him. What nandor wants, nandor gets (even the stupidest of things).

Now. Don't get me started with his pyrokinesis. The dude can create and manipulate fire. Like come on, you know all the batshit crazy things that he could be doing with that? people should be thankful that he's not going around acting in unhinged ways.

He's a formidable warrior, the fact that he live as long as he did as a human, through battles and wars, and the guy didn't get killed? i don't know, but I think that says a lot about his kills. he also can use a large variety of weapons, so now imagine. This guy who's the greatest warrior of his time, gets the strength and the speed that comes with vampirism. he becomes a fucking killing machine (not like he wasn't one already), but now he's unstoppable and on top of that, immortal!

As i said in the beginning of this post, time and time again nandor has been given power, too much power I should say. he even got those 52 wishes and the things my guy here could have accomplished with them? ridiculous! but he was feeling silly, so... he decided to have fun instead. Good for him.

Now, we now he conquered places and won wars, and while his years as a ruler were bloody, it seems like he did a lot of Al Quolanudar when it comes to territory. What I'm trying to say is that he's a good strategist, he's good, no he's the best at what he does. he excels in what he was trained and taught to do (and even the vampire community acknowledges this).

People always like to underestimate him (the fandom included. it's true.), say that in a battle he stands no chance. That X, Y, and Z are more could easily demolish him, that he can't do shit for himself, but like excuse me, he's the oldest vampire in that house, look at all the shit that he can do, so no. He's the strongest and most powerful piece in that chessboard, mam. Nandor could go on a killing spree and no one could stop him.

This latest season really brought forward this qualities of his that had always been there. Nandor can be competent, he can be assertive, he really just chooses not to, but if he did! well, we saw what can happen when he is.

nandor is powerful, skillful, and dangerous in more than one way, and yes! smart when he needs to be.

And i make this post, because some people have made him into this character that's just an idiot with 0 qualities, and those qualities that he does have, are always being diminished to make other characters look better (yes. to make guillermo look better. i said it, which is highly unnecessary because he can shine on his own).

It's not that he can't do shit, the fact is that he doesn't want to.

[hyperlexichypatia]

can you elaborate on why you don't think nursing homes should exist? I'm genuinely curious, not trying to engage in bad faith, but i do feel like many elders do need a level of medical care that can't be provided well in a home environment, and benefit socially from being surrounded by their peers. is it more a matter of eliminating the huge staff-"client"(-billpayer, generally a younger relative) power differentials and potential for abuse that exists there, the way nursing homes tend to be relatively isolated from the surrounding community & many restrict certain freedoms, or is there something else more inherent to the structure (i.e., incapable of being reformed or mitigated) that I'm missing? i guess i'm wondering how different a more just model for elder care would look from nursing homes

Yeah, it's everything you said -- nursing homes inherently restrict their residents' freedoms (how many would pass the burrito test?), don't see the residents as the decision-making clients, infantilize and segregate their residents, etc.

As for socializing with their peers, if older disabled people lived among the general population, they could still socialize with other older disabled people if they wanted to, and also with younger people, abled people, and others. "This population that has been systemically excluded from society should live among themselves in a congregate setting so they can socialize" isn't a particularly good argument for nursing homes; it's an argument against the ageist/ableist segregation that exists in the rest of society.

Could nursing homes be reformed/mitigated? I mean, I'm a strong harm reductionist; I believe every harmful institution should be reformed and mitigated as much as possible. That might mean more freedom for residents, more privacy for residents, more transportation to and from other places in the community. But if a nursing home were "reformed" to the point that it was no longer harmful -- if it no longer exerted coercive control over its residents, if its residents had the same freedom and privacy and autonomy and freedom of movement as anyone in the outside world -- it would functionally cease to be a "nursing home" and would just be... well, an apartment building. Or, if it's an apartment building specifically for older disabled people, without the coercive control, a "retirement community" (although sometimes coercive-control nursing homes are also called "retirement communities" so who knows?).

Home and community based services for disabled people, if properly funded, can replicate most of the assistance a nursing home provides -- now, I do say most, but people who need multiple-times-a-day medical care from a medical provider might choose a living situation that involves specific proximity to medical care. That doesn't mean a nursing home; it might mean, for example, an apartment building near a hospital that caters to people undergoing regular treatment. But it's important that many nursing home residents don't need daily medical care from medical providers. They they need accessible assistance with activities of daily living, which can easily be made accessible outside a medicalized setting, and, in particular, without the coercive control of a nursing home.

Or, short version (sorry, I have a fever) -- the problem with nursing homes is the coercive control. Fund home and community based services. Hire CNAs and install accessible features in the homes of disabled people who need them with the money governments and families can save by abolishing nursing homes. Not everyone in a nursing home is there because they need medical treatment, but even for those who do, there are ways to situate housing and medical needs in proximity to each other that don't involve residents being forcibly drugged or given a bedtime or needing permission to have sex. Let Grandpa fuck (if he wants to).

[hugthesquids]

The whole interview for reference. It's got really nice characterisation!

Date of the interview: 07 January 2015 (This is when season 1 episode 35 "Lion 3: Straight to Video" was the latest episode out)

Newsarama: Hey Steven, thanks for talking to us!

Steven Universe: Happy to!

Nrama: Now, you're a little younger than who we usually talk to, so we wanted to make sure you had a parent or guardian present.

Steven:Yeah that’s cool! Here’s my dad!

Universe:Wow, I haven’t done an interview in ages! I’m Mr. Universe, uh, interstellar rock star! But it’s been a few decades since my last tour so I guess you can call me …Steven’s dad Greg!

Steven: Woo! Oh hey look, Pearl is coming over too. Hey Pearl!

Pearl of the Crystal Gems: Excuse me, excuse me, who are you and what exactly is going on here?

Greg: Newsarama’s doing an interview with us!

Pearl: I was asking this complete stranger, not you, Greg.

Nrama: …this is great! A rock star… and a rock from the stars!

Steven: Oh that's good!

Pearl: How much have you two told this human?

Greg: Don’t worry Pearl… this isn’t about Gems… it’s just about Steven.

Nrama: Okay, well, that brings me to my first question. Steven, you’re the first half human, half Crystal Gem, is that right?

Steven: Mmhm!

Pearl: Yes, he’s the son of the incomparable Rose Quartz! He’s inherited her Gem and her legacy.

Greg: …and I had a little to do with it! Uh… Steven… existing!

Nrama: Greg, I have to say, it's not every parent who'd let his son be trained by magical beings. Why do you feel it's important for Steven to live with the Gems?

Greg: I mean he’s got Rose’s Gem so… sooner or later we knew his powers might come out somehow, and I’m not much help in that department?

I mean, the Gems didn’t know much about raising a baby. That I get, I had that covered. But I don’t know much about being a Gem. They sure do, they’re really exceptional Gems. They’re really thoughtful, you know… they really try their best to understand people.

Pearl: Yes, people are wonderful.

Steven: Go people!

Nrama: And Pearl, I'm sure it must have been very unusual for you when you found out Rose Quartz had fallen in love with a human. What was what like for you?

Greg: Wow, you’re really zero to sixty with these questions, buddy.

Pearl: That is absolutely none of your business!

Nrama: Well, what about when you found out Rose Quartz was going to have a half-human child?        

Pearl: Brilliant leaders do brilliant things, that’s why you look to them for answers, answers no one else could have, that’s why you trust them, even when you can’t understand why they chose …Greg.

Greg: Well, ahh, we were so excited to see who Steven would be! When we… well, when we figured out that it might be possible!

And there’s never been anyone like him, and he really is a Gem and a human at the same time, it’s just incredible.

Steven: Yeah, I’ve been training and a lot of my powers are coming out! I can bubble up really easy these days, and I can warp on my own, and for a little bit I could even heal people and stuff.

Pearl: Yes! He’s been doing fantastic!

Greg: And he’s got my knack for music too! It’s really something, it’s unreal, you should hear him play!

Nrama: Wow that’s exciting! So Steven, you’re really talented.

Steven: Yeah! I can draw too! I drew last year's Beachapalooza flier! Guess what I figured out –  if you draw with a pencil but you draw really hard, you can smudge the line around with your finger and give everything really cool shading, and make shooting stars and comets… go look, the flier’s still up on the bulletin board at the Big Donut!

I want to get better at drawing… and I want to get better at my shield powers.

Nrama: You sound more excited about the flier than the shield powers!

Steven: Yeah, well, my flier came out really good and you can go see it! I’d show you my shield too, but I can’t make it come out whenever I want.

Pearl: Oh Steven, you’ll get it! You’ve manifested it twice!

Greg: Yeah I’ve seen him do it, it’s really something! He blocked this crazy water ball with it, and it gonged out all the water clones. It’s gorgeous, it’s Rose’s.

Steven: Thanks… yeah, I know I’ll get it… I’ve been practicing in the mornings! I just can’t seem to get it. Shield is harder than bubble I guess…

Nrama: Look, Steven, I didn't mean to make you self-conscious about your Gem abilities – besides, aside from all that, you seem like most other kids your age. Actually, it seems like you're pretty popular in Beach City!

Steven: Oh, I dunno about that! I just like talking to people, and then a lot of the time, they talk back! Ha!

Pearl: Human beings just adore each other, and Rose just adored human beings, so Steven is a real “people human,” as they say!

Greg: Heh… I think you mean “People person.”

Pearl: What? That can’t be right. That’s so redundant.

Nrama: So I have to ask – do you have any favorite comic books?

Steven: Oh man, me and Dad were going through all his old comics in the van! I got to keep a bunch of them, Casper, Richie Rich, Hot Stuff, Baby Huey, Spooky the Tuff Little Ghost… Wendy Witch…

Greg: I gave him lotsa Harvey Comics.

Steven: Dad says I can’t read his Heavy Metals till I’m older.

Greg: You can have those in a couple years!

Steven: Oh yeah and I just got the No Home Boys graphic novel adaptation! But I think it really missed the mark. And I like Sailor Moon. It’s really down to earth.

Nrama: And what's coming up for you?

Steven: I dunno, I guess anything could happen, that’s usually how it is! I met a new Gem recently, her name was Lapis Lazuli and she seemed really cool! She flew away to the Gem Homeworld!

Pearl: Steven, please. Look, stranger. There’s nothing to worry about. Earth is an independent planet, and Lapis Lazuli couldn’t possibly have made it all the way home.

Steven: What? Oh no, oh Pearl, you really think so?

Pearl: Or, well, Steven, I’m sure she did, yes, right, she definitely made it back, I’m sure she’s… having a really fun time… telling everyone… nothing!

Steven: … ok…

Greg: Hey! Hey, everything’s ok, whatever happens we can always roll with it, am I right?

Pearl: Yes, yes. We’ll roll! We are planning to roll.

Nrama: So, Steven – what is the best thing about being Steven Universe?

Steven: I get to be a Crystal Gem, and I learn a lot all the time, and hang out with Dad and with my friends …and everybody!

I’m changing a lot all the time, but that’s good, I think, since everybody changes all the time. I like it because even if you know somebody you can know them again, all the time, when they’re different, and what doesn’t change is how you feel, you know?

That can stay the same, which is really cool –  like if you love somebody, that’s the thing that can stay the same no matter what.

Greg: Ah boy, gosh Steven, what a really nice thought.

Pearl: Oh Greg, can you believe it, sometimes he sounds just like …well …just like Steven.

Greg: Yeah. He’s really somethin’ else.

Nrama: Thanks again for talking to me!

Steven: You’re welcome! Crystal Gems forever!

Greg: Hey yeah thanks! Keep watching the skies! Haha hahaha… heh!

Pearl: No ah, please don’t! We’ll take care of everything. Stay safe, human!

in-character interview with newsarama by rebecca sugar, 2015

this official steven universe interview is no longer available on the website, but it’s archived!

it’s canon & written by rebecca sugar, an interview of the characters pearl, greg, & steven.

there’s some really sweet and subtle pearlrose moments, i particularly love this one:

steven: i'm changing a lot all the time, but that's good, i think, since everybody changes all the time. i like it because even if you know somebody, you can know them again, all the time, when they're different, & what doesn't change is how you feel, you know? that can stay the same, which is really cool. like if you love somebody, that's the thing that can stay the same no matter what.

greg: steven, what a really nice thought.

pearl: oh greg, can you believe it, sometimes he sounds just like—well, just like steven.

greg: yeah, he’s really something else.

pearl stops herself before she can say rose, because that would be quite awkward in the interview setting. she also says she trusts rose & calls her incomparable. there’s a bit of jealousy with greg, because the timeline is at around the beginning of the show, so pearl hasn’t really found closure yet & is questioning things. eventually she’ll understand that rose never chose a partner over her, but anyway! really cute & canon pearlrose here.

[astronomodome]

Astronomodome's 2024 US Presidential Election Liveblog

First of all I want to say I have other stuff to work on today so I might not be super up to date with stuff but I'll try my best to give my thoughts as to what's going on.

So first, how do we tell who wins?

In the U.S., the popular vote doesn't decide who wins the presidency. Instead, we use the (much hated) electoral college. Here's a helpful visual.

Every state (and DC) is given at least three electors, usually more based on population (which is why states like California and Texas have so many). There are 538 in total. To win, a candidate needs more than half of these- half of 538 is 269, so a candidate needs at least 270. (Interestingly, it is possible for both candidates to receive exactly 269 electors, in which case the universe corrupts and we all die infinitely the House of Representative chooses who wins, with each state getting one vote.)

The national popular vote may not matter, but the popular votes of each of the states do. Whoever wins the popular vote in each state (except Nebraska and Maine bc they're weird but that's not too important) wins all the electors for that state. It's very all-or-nothing which is why a lot of people don't like it.

This is a map from election forecaster 538, one of many such organizations that use polling and algorithms and election magic or something to predict who is likely to win each state. They have a lot of good graphs and stuff to look at on their site if you want to learn more about the stats of everything. As the key notes, we can see which way each state is expected to vote, as well as a few states highlighted in bold as likely swing states.

Swing states are basically wherever the election is close and the number of electors is high enough to 'swing' the election. Basically, while all the other states are mostly decided based on precedent (though surprises are possible), these states could reasonably go either way. This is why both candidates hold so many rallies in Pennsylvania, for example- it's competitive, and they want to boost their chances of winning those electors by currying favor directly with those voters.

One thing this map doesn't show is what I lovingly refer to as the Bar. It looks like this. I bring it up because if you follow the election news you'll see it. A lot.

The arrows in the middle point to 269.5, the exact midpoint. Whoever reaches that midpoint by filling up the bar wins (the beige in the middle are the tossup states who could go either way).

For example, let's look at 270towin. (the forecast websites love their special numbers.) They have a fun interactive map where you can make the votes go wherever you want to see what would happen.

^ Here's their prediction based on consensus.

^ Here, I changed Florida so it votes blue. Not likely unless I can bribe enough officials to make it so my ballot is the only one that counts (fair and just). We can see that the Bar has shifted, and the blue side has almost reached the arrows. Let's see what happens if we add another blue state. Let's say... Georgia, for example.

Wow! If the states were to vote this way, the Democrats would win, even if all the other undecided states went red. Is it likely? No. But, well, how do we know that?

In short, we don't. But we can guess, and that's what polls are for. There are several different types, but the most important ones for right now are exit polls. They'll start coming out soon, I think. I'm not sure if they have to wait until all the polls close (so people don't see them and decide not to vote or something because of it) but I think they do, at least in some states. Exit polls are conducted right outside of voting locations as voters exit, which makes them more accurate than other polls. They're not free of bias, though, so as always take them with a grain of salt. They're the first indicator we'll have of how it went, but they're not the final numbers.

One ray of hope I want to point out is the currently infamous Selzer Iowa poll (not an exit poll but still relevant). Ann Selzer is a really trusted pollster, known for a long streak of accuracy. She published a poll a day ago that indicated that Harris was beating Trump (!) in Iowa (!!) by 3 points (!!!). Iowa is... not considered a Democratic state; it went for Trump last election by 14 points. So this is really surprising (understatement). And yes, it could mean absolutely nothing... but it certainly shocked a lot of people, including Trump, who tweeted angrily about it.

States count their votes in different ways. Some results will be out within the day, others might take weeks. But usually most states can be 'called' for a candidate before every vote is counted. This is because the leading candidate will have more votes than can be overcome by the other one, even if every vote counted was for them. The important thing is that, as polls close over the next couple hours, they'll be counting. I saw one report that said election officials in Idaho, for example, plan on counting every vote "before they go to bed that night," which I thought was kind of a cute way to put it. Most states will release vote counts in batches or by county, which means that other batches or counties might still be counting as others submit their counts. That last sentence had a lot of 'count' related words in it, huh.

One thing to note about vote counting is that absentee or mail-in ballots often take longer to be received and counted than in-person votes. This can cause a phenomenon called "blue shift"- basically, a lot of mail-in ballots are cast by college students (like me!) or people who live overseas, and those groups tend to vote more Democratic than in-person voters. That means that late in the counting process, totals will often shift more towards the Democratic candidate. Famously, this is how Biden ended up winning Georgia in 2020- initially it was forecasted to remain red, but it inched over slowly as mail-in ballots were received.

So, in short, that's how we figure out who will be president. I'll be keeping track of what happens tonight, but it's very possible we won't know who wins until tomorrow morning or even later. Let's hope for the best :)

[eand47]

Chapter II | Compass

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala (more to be add)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: sexual harassment, mention of alcohol and drinking, explicit language, self doubt

Word Count: 10.1K

<- previous chapter

NOTE: I really hope you guys like this chapter as I was surprised by myself and the fact that I was able to write 16 pages of material for it. I promise you soon there will be a lot of Ace x Reader moments, as of right now I want to establish a steady tempo of how things will go between them for the future, and also introduce you a little bit of the Reader’s already established relationships with certain characters. I recommend you listening to the song “Compass” by The Neighbourhood (the real ones hehe) when you get to the moment where they will sing it. Please feel free to leave a feed back as it’s important to me. I re-read it like six times now, and I hope that I have fixed all the spelling and grammatical mistakes, but again English is not my first language so I’m sorry if some things are unclear, let me know so I can fix it. Also if you haven’t seen “Fantastic Mr. Fox” I recommend the movie as bot only you will understand the references better, but because it’s an amazing movie. Enjoy <3333

PS: this is what the gesture from the movie looks like for those of you who haven’t seen it, as I’m afraid that I might not describe it good enough.

I’ve reached the street where “The Red Pirates” was located. I was taken aback for a moment when I saw how big of a queue was in front of the entrance. The bar was not very big, but it was quite spacious, and the vibe overall was a mix of underground place with a hint of an old rock and roll bar. One thing Shanks knew how to do best was making the most out of things. His cheerful and charismatic persona knew how to lure people around him, so it was no surprise to anyone when he made this place quite popular in this aera of the Grand Line city. At the end of every month, he invites well-known local bands to perform and usually it gets sold out, but I have never seen such a queue in front of it like the one tonight.

As I got closer, I noticed most of the people in the queue were around my age. The place was more known among people around their middle age, but I guessed from what Nami and Usopp told me I shouldn’t be surprised that there were so many young people here tonight. By the entrance were standing Beckman and Lucky Roux – a big smile appeared on my face when I saw them.

“Beckman, Lucky!” I shouted as I ran and hug them.

“Here is the real star of the night” Lucky lifted me off the ground as he squeezed me in a tight hug.

“Shanks is putting you to work tonight, huh?” Beckman patted me on the shoulder as he laughed at the face I made when he mentioned it.

“Please don’t mention it!” I whined. “On top of it my friends are going to be here, as apparently one of their friends is a brother of two of the guys in the band, so they all be having fun while I just watch behind the bar.”

“Oh, cheer up, beautiful.” Lucky chuckled at me. “At least we are here – if someone gives you trouble at the bar just let us know.” He cracked his knuckles with a grin on his face.

“(Y/N)” I heard someone shouting out my name behind me. Beckman, Lucky and I turned our heads to see who it was.

“Nami, Usopp” I called them as I gestured them to come. “I thought you are already in.”

“Well, someone here took too much time to get ready.” Usopp nodded his head at Nami, and she rolled her eyes at him. She was dressed stylish as per usual – with a dotted colourful bodysuit imitating bathing suit, a long denim skirt with some sparkling belts on top. Her long ginger hair let down nicely. Usopp was wearing a knitted light grey coloured sleeveless top – showing off his biceps, with some dark greyish baggy jeans. Two silver necklaces – one thicker than the other on his neck, his head was cover in one of his many durags that he owned – his look slaying as well.

“Anyway.” She looked at me. “Can you get us in, as we don’t want to wait on the queue, plus Luffy and the rest are waiting for us.” She grabbed my hand, squeezing it in hers.

“Yeah, of course.” I turned back to Beckman and Lucky. “Please, please, please these are my friends I told you about, please, please, let them skip the queue.” I childishly begged them, as Beckman shook his head at me with a smile and Lucky chuckled.

“We don’t need this whole performance to just let them in, you know?” Beckman said as he removed the rope that was stopping people to go in, letting Nami, Usopp. Some people in the queue complained how this wasn’t fare, but no one really paid attention to them.

“I know, but I have to be dramatic.” I stuck my tongue at them, we were about to go in when both Beckman and Lucky stopped Usopp and held him on the spot. Nami and I looked at each other confused of why they would stop him.

“You fella look oddly familiar.” Lucky said, as he eyed Usopp from the head to toes. “Any chance being related to Yassop?”

“Y-yes...” Usopp stuttered as he heard his dad’s name being mentioned. Even as absent father he has always found a way to cause his son problems.

“How so?” Beckman asked, intimidating Usopp even more.

“H-he is my f-father.” Usopp was ready to take whatever punches Beckman and Lucky were going to throw at him, as it won’t be the first time this would happen.

“Ha, I’ve heard his son is like a copy of him, but damn Yassop was working overtime when he was making you.” Lucky snorted out loudly as they let go of Usopp and patted him on the back. “Say ‘hello’ to your dad from us.”

“S-sure I will.” Usopp muttered as he glanced at them when they let him pass, the look of irritation visible on his face.

“Are you, okay Usopp?” I knew his relationship with his dad was very complicated and he hated to be reminded how much he looked like him. I knew that Beckman and Lucky didn’t mean to offend him, but they hit a nerve. I glanced back at them as they were back to stopping and letting people in.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Maybe I will be better if I don’t look so much like my dad.” He shook his head trying to forget what just happened. “Let’s go find Luffy, plus I really need a drink right now.” He said as he started to walk ahead of us. Nami and I just looked at each other without saying anything, knowing that he would need a minute to cool down.

“You haven’t forgotten about the free drinks, right?” Nami nudged me.

“Even if I did, I was sure you were going to remind me.” I nudged her back. “Anyway, I need to go and change – see you in a bit. Just find me somewhere by the bar and only order to me so you don’t have to pay.” We hugged each other and then I headed to the back of the bar where the staff entrance was. I was struggling to reach it, as there were so many people inside. I couldn’t remember to have seen this place so full before and knowing how many more people were waiting outside was stressing me out already. I reached the staff door, and as I was about to open it, when someone literally kicked it in my face and if I didn’t react fast, I was probably going to end up with a broken nose. I looked at the person in disbelief.

“You can say sorry at least, asshole.” I got even more pissed when I saw who it was.

“Watch where you stand spoiled brat.” He replied with the same annoyance.

Perfect, not only it was going to be a long and a busy night, but on top of it I must work with the biggest jerk I have ever met - Eustass Kid. Till this day I couldn’t get why Shanks kept him around, when they didn’t even get along; yet every time I’ve asked Shanks why, his reply was the same ‘He is the best bartender I have.’

I was going down the stairs towards where the ‘changing’ room was – if I could even call it that. It was the space downstairs where they store everything – from the drinks to the staff lockers. I started to take off my hoodie as I was still pissed from my encounter with Kid. I didn’t even pay attention that there were three guys sitting on the sofas, where the lockers were, until one of them didn’t clear his throat. I slowly turned around, the shocked look on my face from the embarrassment clearly visible on my face. They were trying their best not to look at me while I was standing in front of them with my bra on.

“I guess no one told you that we will be down here.” The blond guy that cleared his throat said awkwardly as he was trying to avoid looking at me. The other two – a black short-haired guy who was wearing a simple black tank top and a silver neckless, with tattoos covering his entire body and dark jeans; and the other one on his left side – with the light blue coloured hair, who was wearing glasses with a thick black frames dressed, in a dark blue t-shirt with some dark blue oversized jeans, were both looking away.

“Yeah, this little detail was clearly missed.” I covered my front with my hoodie. “D-do you mind turning around so I can quickly put m-my work shirt on?” I was trying not to die from embarrassment, avoiding looking at them.

“Of course, don’t worry we won’t be looking.” The blonde quickly said, as they all just turned their heads to the side not looking my way. I quickly changed and excused myself as I ran upstairs embarrassed of what has just happened.

*******

They all looked at each other and laughed.

“Poor girl I actually feel bad for her.” Deuce said.

“Yeah, I bet she wasn’t expecting to see anyone here.” Law agreed with him. They all laughed again as Ace came back from upstairs, caring with himself some bottles of cold water.

“Did I miss something?” He looked at the guys confused.

“Yeah, they got us a stripper, but she ran off after she saw Law’s ugly face.” Sabo burst out laughing as Law pushed him from the edge of the sofa.

“The only ugly face here is yours, you morron.” Law and Sabo started to wrestle and mess around, and Ace looked even more confused, as he threw a bottle of water to Deuce to caught.

“Are they for real? They really got us a stripper?” Ace sat next to Deuce as he opened his bottle to drink some water, watching his brother messing with Law. Deuce only shook his head and chuckled.

“One of the girls working here came, and she didn’t notice us as she was clearly pissed about something, she started to change in front of us without realising and when she realised it became quite award for everyone.” Deuce quickly explained to him.

“Was she hot?” Ace playfully raised his eyebrow.

“Your type for sure.” Sabo said as he sat back on the sofa looking at his brother with a smirk. “If you haven’t smashed recently ...” Sabo didn’t get to finish his sentence as Law slapped him with behind the neck. “Ouch what was this for?” he winced looking at Law.

“Have some manners man.” Law scolded him.

“Come on, it was just a joke.” Sabo tried to defend himself. Ace and Deuce were just observing them not saying anything, as this was Law and Sabo’s usual dynamic.

“Don’t worry bro, if I want to smash, I don’t need a wingman” Ace chuckled at Sabo.

“You sure? You are quite grumpy lately; I can always ask Koala to hock you up with one of her girlfriends.” Sabo continued to tease Ace, as Ace just rolled his eyes at him.

“Again, I don’t need you or your girlfriend as a wingman.”

“Law what about you? You are even grumpier than Ace.” Sabo turned to Law with a teasing grin, as Law glared at him without saying anything.

“What’s with you and playing a wingman tonight?” Deuce asked Sabo, as Sabo was clearly in the mood to annoy his bandmates.

“I just care about your well beings’ guys. You know if I can help for your happiness I would gladly do it.” He tried to play innocent, but the guys knew him too way, he just wanted to mess with them.

“Where is Koala, by the way? Is she not coming tonight?” Ace asked his brother, his girlfriend Koala never missed their performances and usually hung up with them before they start playing.

“Ohh she is coming a little bit later tonight as one of her girlfriends has a birthday today, and they are out celebrating.” Sabo and Koala have been together for five years now. They had met in high school, and from the start Koala had massive crush on Sabo, which later grew to having stronger feelings for him. Koala tried to keep all these feelings bottled up, until the night when Ace had thrown a ‘goodbye’ party for his brother, who was going away to college. She drank so much alcohol that night to gain courage to confess to him, only to end up in the bathroom floor, hugging the toilet while Sabo was there by her side running gentle circles on her back, as all the alcohol was coming back. While he was in there with her, making sure that she will be alright, she looked at him in the eyes and ‘I love you’ slipped from her lips before her mind could even procced it. Sabo didn’t have much time to react as she threw up again. The next morning Koala just woke up in Sabo’s room, not really remembering anything, but from that night on their relationship started as Sabo decided to not go to college in another city but stay in Grand Line so he can be close to Koala. And till this day Sabo haven’t regrated the decision he took – not only he was with the girl that he has been in love with since they met, but he also got the chance to do music, something he has always loved, with his brother and friends by his side.

“Oh, that is why you are playing a wingman.” Deuce chuckled at Sabo. “I’m also single, why don’t you play my wingman?” Deuce clenched his fist up to his heart pretending to be hurt by Sabo’s decision to ask only Ace and Law. Ace snorted at Deuce and his little “act”.

“Sorry man, but you don’t match the birthday girl’s type.” Sabo put his arms in the air as he was helpless to help his friend.

“What’s her type then?” Ace mocked his brother and his pathetic attempts to play Cupidon.

“Guys, don’t mock the messenger.” Sabo tried to defend himself. “Koala told me loud and clearly – ask Ace, if Ace plays hard, ask Law.” He mimicked his girlfriend voice and gestures. “I guess her friend type is grumpy dark-haired dudes.” He mocked his brother and Law.

“Well Ace, you were the first choice not me - so good luck with the ‘birthday’ girl.” Law winked at Ace, his eyes full of mockery.

“Shut up man, last thing I want to do is going on a double date with Sabo.” Hearing this Sabo threw his empty bottle as Ace’s head, but he dodged before it hit him.

“Again, I’m up for it – if you show me at least how she looks like.” Deuce made Sabo pull out his phone to show him the girl.

“Deuce you can’t be that desperate.” Turning his head in disbelieve Law exclaimed at him.

“I’m not, but also it’s been a while, so I don’t mind being the third option of the night.” Sabo handed his phone to Deuce as he had opened the girl’s Instagram. Both Ace and Law looked over Deuce’s shoulders, taking look at the girl.

“Not bad, but I’ve had seen better.” Ace commented, not really impressed by the looks of the girl.

“Nah man she is cute.” Deuce protested and Law agreed with him.

“But same as Ace I don’t want to be stuck on a double date with you.” Law nagged at Sabo. Ace shook his head, as these two started to mess with each other again. He sat back on the sofa and pulled his phone out from the back pocket of his pants. Scrolling through social media, he checked the band’s Instagram profile, something he hasn’t done in a while, as he wasn’t a big social media user, noticing that they got some new followers, but one piqued his interest.

“@idkthisfoxy “ He murmured to himself. The profile was private and there was no bio, but he clicked on the profile picture making it bigger. On the picture was this girl with a sock covering her face and only her eyes were visible, the same way the animated fox Ash from Fantastic Mr. Fox was portraited at the end of the movie. He snorted out with a smirk. “Could you be...?” He thought to himself.

“What’s with this smug smirk on your face?” Sabo interrupted his thoughts, looking at his brother with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing” Ace brushed him off, getting up from the sofa, and putting his phone back in his back pocket. “Okay guys, I think it’s time to go upstairs and get ready to play.” He clapped his hands, making the guys stand up, agreeing with him.

“Let’s go break some hearts gentlemen.” Sabo loudly exclaimed, clapping his hands in the air, as the guys were going upstairs.

*******

I left the ‘changing’ room that was used for everything – from changing your clothes to storage all the alcohol and beverages Shanks has to offer, with a quick run up the stairs. Last thing I expected was someone to be there, let alone three men standing on the sofa there, which was something new Shanks have had add as last time I worked here, there was no sofa downstair. And speaking of the devil he was right in front of me.

“Shanks!” I shouted out, catching his attention as he was busy flirting with some woman. He turned at me with a big smile.

“There is my beloved niece.” He pulled me in a suffocating hug. I tried to fight him, but he only tightened his embrace. “Why is my Foxy mad? Did someone step on your tail?” He started to poke me on my sides only fuelling my annoyance with him.

“I’m telling you – run while you can. This man is insufferable.” I told the woman who he was hitting on, as she was looking at us while we were messing with each other.

“Oh Foxy, I can’t wait for the day you gonna bring a man over, the number of comebacks I have collected for you is unlimited at this point.” He ruffled my hair, as he turned to his fling for the night, telling her to give him a second, as he nodded at me to follow him.

“Are they unlimited, or you just can’t count after ten?” I tease him with mockery in my voice as he only shot me a glance.

“Someone doesn’t want to get paid double tonight, I see.” He nagged me with a smug smile.

“Dare.” I challenged him, and he laugh at me.

“Okay now seriously.” He stopped in front of the computer making me clock in. ��You and Kid will be working together at the bar. No need to check ID’s as tonight everyone must be 20+ to enter, so if they are inside that means they are legal to drink. If it gets to much I might jump in and help, but I have three runners tonight so it should be all good. And most importantly if someone is bothering you let me know immediately, okay?” I mentally prepared for the long shift, off all the people I could of work with tonight, I would have to work with Kid. Shanks patted me on the shoulder and went back to his fling of the night. I huffed and turned around to look at the bar. The queue was already quite big, and Kid needed help at this point.

I got behind the bar, and Kid glared at me with annoyance. He was wearing one of the work t-shirts with the “Red Pirates” logo on it, his muscular body defined by it. His whole left hand was covered in a tattoo sleave – a realistic robotic hand, something coming out straight from the Cyberpunk universe. The tattoo itself was amazing, the person having the tattoo – was not so much.

“Move Kid, I will work on the bar station closer to the stage.” He rolled his eyes at me but still moved so I can go to the right side of the bar. “You can come and order here as well.” I shouted and people started to come my way. Nami soon came to me with a big grin.

“Hey there, I heard there is this cute bartender working here, so I made sure to come and check if the rumours are true.” She teased me.

“Stop it, I might get all flushed.” I waved mt hands in front of my face as we both laughed. “What do you want to drink?”

“A strong vodka and orange juice – less juice more vodka.” I started to make her drink, as I filled the glass with a lot of ice, as I knew that she loved her drinks very cold.

“Where are the rest of the group?” I asked her as I didn’t expect to see her alone.

“They are standing by one of the round bar tables close to the stage.”

“Less vodka – more juice, as requested.” I joked with her, handing her the drink.

“Ha-ha.” She mocked me as she took a sip of her drink. “Oh yeah that is strong.” Her eyes widen as she tased the drink. “Damn you really made sure there is no alcohol in it.” She sarcastically said, taking another sip. “By the way my friend Luffy knows your uncle Shanks.” Nami took a sit on the last tall chair left at the bar.

“What are you for real? How?” I was taking other customers orders as we were talking.

“I don’t know, you have to ask him.” She shrugged, taking another sip. “Oh God, please put some more juice in this thing, it is too much even for me.” I burst out laughing as she handed me back her glass to pour more juice in it.

“Nami, who is this beautiful lady, and why I haven’t been introduced to her?” A tall blonde guy wrapped his arms arounds Nami’s shoulders. She rolled her eyes and huffed.

“(Y/N) – Sanji, Sanji – (Y/N). Don’t mind his flirting – everything that has two legs and boobs is beautiful in his eyes.” She pushed his hands off from her.

“Nami that hurt, I only flirt with beautiful women, no matter the size of their breast.” He advocated for himself. “Nice to meet you (Y/N), I have been hearing a lot about you from Nami and Usopp.” He flashed me with a seductive smile. “Only good things of course.”

“Nice to hear this.” I smiled at him. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I would love to but sadly, I’m the one driving everyone home tonight, so I will have to deny your offer.” He chuckled sadly. I took a quick look at him and his outfit suited his smooth persona; he was wearing off-white shirt, two buttons unbuttoned around his chest, with a dark grey chinos style pants and belt. His wavy blonde hair was let down nicely as half of it was covering his right side of the face. I was told by Nami, that Sanji was handsome and super stylish, and now I understand what she meant by it.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sanji.” I did feel bad for him, knowing how Nami and Usopp behaved when they are drunk, I couldn’t imagine what dealing with their whole friend group would feel like.

“I’m sorry that you must be behind the bar.” He was smooth, but this was not working on me.

“Hey, enough with the chitchats, those asses playing tonight are starting soon, so focus!” Kid came next to me and hissed in my ear angrily as I was talking to Nami and Sanji.

“You are right, sorry.” I apologised to him, knowing that I really got distracted by Nami and Sanji. “Sorry guys but I have to focus on work now, but if I manage, I will sneak to your table.” They both understood and wish me good luck, as they went back to their table.

“Of course, on the busiest night I have to put up with you.” Kid continued to whine. I just rolled my eyes at his whining. His bright spiky red hair matching his personality perfectly. “Hand me two more bottles of rom.” He spat at me.

“Kid are you ever in a good mood?” I asked him, handing the bottles.

“Yeah, when I get my dick sucked.” He smirked at me.

“Oh, you are disgusting.” I was left in shock from his answer.

“You asked, you got you answer.” He had pleasant look on his face knowing well that his comment irritated me. “Don’t worry, brat. You will never get this lucky.” His cocky smirk not leaving his face.

Before I moved to Grand Line, the last two summer since I was working for Shanks, while staying with him in his apartment, as my dad usually toured during the summertime. The first summer I worked here, Kid had already been working for a while. He hasn’t changed much since then. That first summer for a little bit – I did in fact, had a little crush on him. It was something in his edgy persona and style that made my nineteen old self attracted to him. But with time this attitude became more unattractive than attractive, and my little crush turned into pure disgust.

Of course, he had his good moments as well. One night two months ago, just before I stared university, it was just him and I working on a Tuesday night. It was a very slow night, so Shanks left early and left us to close the place. As we were going for last orders, Kid was behind the bar cleaning it, while I was picking glasses from empty tables, as we still had some customers left. On one of the tables where three guys, around the age of forty-something, were sitting I tried to reach for the empty glasses, smiling politely at them. I felt a hand on the back of my thigh going up to my butt and squeezing it hard. I jumped back in shock and dropped all the glasses I had in my hand. The broken glasses shattered on the floor. The men burst out laughing at my frozen expression, but their laugher was quickly cut, as the guy who touched me got his head smashed on the table hard. The bang of the impacted of his head hitting the table echoed through the whole place. Kid had seen everything that had happened, and he was seeing red. He dared the guy and his friends to think about doing it again. They all locked at him with fear in their eyes. The man’s face, who harassed me, was all covered in blood, one of his teeth has fallen and probably his nose was broken. I was just standing there still frozen from shock. Kid kicked them out, the rest of the customers, as well. He came close to me, trying to shake me out of the shock. I still remember the way he gently placed his hand on my face, cupping my cheek, his fingers feeling rough on my skin. He tried to keep his tone calm as he called my name. It took me some seconds to come back to reality. Kid was standing very close to me, in a way that we have never been this close physically. He looked into my eyes, and I could see how mad he was but at the same time there was this hint of worry in them. We stayed like this for a moment until he took a step back and removed his hand from my face. He cleared his throat and told me that he has already called Shanks, and he will be here soon. I just nodded at him as I was still speechless. He told me to go and change my clothes.

When I came back Shanks was already here, and he was like a fuming bull, swearing that he would find these men and make them pay. When Shanks saw me, he came to me and hug me tight, I started to cry in his embrace, as he gently patted my head. He then proceeded to tell Kid to walk me to Shanks’ place, as he was not letting me stay alone tonight, and that he would be dealing with the police and the bar on his own. I was about to say that this was not needed but none of them let me have the word. Kid and I were walking toward Shanks’ apartment, but didn’t speak at all. I broke the silence, thanking him for what he did, and that he shouldn’t have done it as might of now he could be in trouble. He shushed me quick, saying that he didn’t want to hear any thanks or apologies from me, and that he did whatever everyone else in his place would do. We reached Shanks’ place shortly after. I pulled my keys out to open the door, but Kid stopped me as he came close to me again, as when we were in the bar. I gave him a questioning look. He was looking at me like he wanted to say something, his scared eye twitching a little. We stayed like this for a moment then he shook his head, more to himself than me, and told me to take care of myself, as he quickly left. The next time we worked together he was back to his arrogant self, so I guess it was something from the adrenaline rush that he got that night that made him act, so strange. But we never really spoke about what happened; neither had Shanks told me what happened after with the police and ect., both of them act like this never happened and every time I’ve tried to speak about it with Shanks, he cut me off almost immediately.

“What you got all dreamy about sucking me off?” Kid smirked with me as I got zoomed out.

“Yeah, you wish.” I snorted. He glanced at me but didn’t say anything.

******

The place was full. I looked at my phone and it was a little after 10PM so the band should come out and start playing any moment now. The image of the three guys seeing me earlier in my bra came up in my mind and a chill of embarrassment ran down on my spine. Someone got on podium, but it wasn’t who the crowd was waiting for.

“Hello there beautiful people.” Shanks announced on the microphone. “When my precious, like a son, friend came to me two weeks ago and told me, that I should give this month gig to his brothers’ band I was very critical at first. Then he played me some of their songs and I was impressed. I was even more impressed that the thickets sold out in one day. One day – can you imagine.” The crowd cheered loudly – some screamed the band’s name, some whistled, and others applauded. “So a big shout out to my friend Luffy.” A loud screaming and cheering that I could recognise from miles away echoed around, but from where I stand, I couldn’t see my friends. “I’m not going to keep you guys waiting anymore – big and loud applause for ‘The Neighbourhood’.”

I stopped what I was doing to watch them coming up the stage. The first one to step on stage was the guy with the light blue hair and the thick black framed glasses, he went and took his position next to the bass guitar and picked it up. I hear some girls yelling his name ‘Deuce’ loudly. Next was the blacked haired, covered in tattoos guy, he took the guitar that was on the right side of the stage. A girl standing next to the bar screamed to her friend something along the lines ‘get me pregnant Law’ and I looked at her shocked. Then the blond guy came up on stage and started to raise his hands up in the air making everyone going louder and louder. Before he sat behind the drums, he sent a kiss to someone in the crowd and a big grin appeared on his face. My heart was beating fast in my chest as I was expecting the last guy to come up on the podium. There was this small voice in my head telling me that it will be him – the guy from the coffee shop today. But then this wasn’t some Disney movie, so probably them having the same name was just a pure coincidence. The three guys started to play some chords, and their vocalist join. I recognised him immediately. There he was – no beanie on, his raven black hair messy and freely falling around his face. I didn’t notice back in the coffee shop, but he was quite tall. It was something in his aura that made him stand out from the others. Now dressed in a loose fit black pants and leather belt, with his silk black shirt tucked in them, sleeves up till his elbows, buttons unbutton revealing his muscular chest – he was breathtaking to look at. The red beam neckless around his neck adding a nice touch to his outfit. The other three guys stared humming the back vocals.

Ooh, I know once you come to California

You won't ever look back

Ooh, just a little bit can make you wonder

You got it in

Ace took his guitar on with a smug look on his face. I was watching him carefully from the bar, far away yet not that far, as I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Then he stared to sing.

Hands up, it's a stick up

Nobody's leaving this room for a minute

He sounded even better live, than in their records. I was mesmerised by his voice. It was so melodic, yet a little rough only adding to his appearance. I was just enjoying their performance as they were super good – all four of them.

“I swear to God you are gonna make a puddle her.” I heard yelling in my ear as I turned around and saw Kid standing behind me. “Stop staring – start working, damn it.” I quickly came back from the trance that Ace put me in and got back to work. They were on their fourth song when I saw Usopp on the queue for the drinks.

“Usopp!” I shout out his name, hoping that he would hear me, over all the noise. He did look in my direction without realising at first. He looked again and saw me clearly this time and he made his way to the side where I was working.

“They are good, right?” Was the first thing he asked me when we got close enough so I could hear him. I eagerly nodded my head.

“Are you kidding me. They are amazing.” They were already on their fourth song and so far, everything was great from what they’ve played.

“You shall meet them; they are all great guys. If you have time when they are done performing come by our table and we can introduce you to them.”

“Yeah about that... I kinda already met them...” Three out of four already has seen me embarrassing myself, and I thank to whatever power was out there – God, universe – whatever, that Ace wasn’t in the ‘basement’ when I waked on the guys half-naked.

“What do you mean?” Usopp got confused look on his face by what I’ve just told him.

“Story for another time.” I brushed it off quickly. “What do you want to drink?”

“Rum and coke, please. Make it four.” I started to make the drinks as I was taking quick glances at the stage. They knew how to entertain the crowd. Their stage confidence was noticeable. “Will you be able to carry all four at once?” I asked Usopp handing him the drinks. He confidently nodded.

“The moment you are out of the bar, come to us.” He shouted behind his back as he was leaving with the drinks, too focused not to drop them or someone to push him.

******

The band just finished with the fourth song and the blonde guy took over the microphone:

“A very big thank you to everyone coming here tonight.” He was a little out of breath, as I can only imagine what was it like playing the drums for half an hour without stopping for even a second. My eyes moved to Ace who was taking a sip of his water. He turned his head at my direction and our eyes met. Ace raised his eyebrows in disbelief and squeezed his eyes to make sure that he saw right – that he really saw the girl from the coffee shop. I panicked and squatted down to the ground hiding behind the bar. “Big shout out to Shanks for letting us play here tonight – please a round of applauses him.” He raised his hands to applaud Shanks, and the crowd followed. “Big shout out to all off you who came to support us here tonight, I see some faces in the crowd who were there for us from day one till today.” Another round of applauses followed. “And- and the biggest applause and thank you goes to my amazing girl – Koala.” He paused taking a breath in and out. “Koala, baby I love you. This new song that I wrote is for you, and you only. Sadly, I wasn’t blessed with the voice that my brother has, but I will be in the back pouring my heart out on the drums, enjoy everyone.” Everyone started to cheer and applause.

I got back on my feet again as I heart the last thing the blonde guy said. Ace just patted him on the shoulder and laughed as he took over the microphone again. He looked around as he was still laughing.

“I’ve had always imagined that the first time I would have to sing a song dedicated to a girl, will be for a girl I’m in love with, you know?” He joked with the audience. “Twenty-five years later I still haven’t met the one, but my brother did. I’m telling you the first time I sang his songs to his girl – it was awkward.” Everyone laughed, so did I but something more interesting caught my attention from what he said. “I told to myself you know, with time it will get easier, less awkward.” He made a dramatic pause. “I swear to God this never get easier. Bro just learn how to sing.” He turned to his brother in dramatic disbelief, as Sabo only shout at him to start singing. “And you see what I get as a ‘thank you’.” The crowd laughed again. “Anyway – the song is called ‘Compass’, hope you guys like it as much as our other songs. It’s coming out next week so stay tuned.” He announced before they start playing, looking again at the bar but I quickly turned my head around.

“Go pick around some glasses. You are not helping behind the bar anyway.” Kid told me, pissed at my behaviour tonight.

“Now?” I asked surprised. He just glared at me with a killer look, I huffed and got out of the bar.

They started to play, and Ace voiced filled all my sentence. I stopped to listen to the song as I was closer to the podium now.

‘If I don't have you with me, I'm alone

You know I never know which way to go

I think I need you with me for all-time

When I need new direction for my mind’

The song sounded so sweet. I didn’t realise that Ace was looking at my direction as I was focused on listening to the lyric. Then the way he sang the last line of the first verse:

‘I know that you're not something to lose, now’

swept me off on my feet, as I closed my eyes loving the way how smooth his voice was. Then the chorus stared, and they were so catchy.

‘I've got something to confess

I keep you in my pocket to use

You're my only compass

I might get lost without you’

As he sang the second verse, hearing minutes ago his brother proudly announcing how much he loves his girlfriend, the lyrics were having such a deep love held behind them.

‘Could you tell me where to go?

You're always there to help me when I'm down

I'm lucky you've been keeping me around

You're the star I look for every night

When it's dark, you'll stick right by my side’

It was hard to explain, but it was like something magical was happening around me and inside of me right now. I felt like I’m lost in the moment. Ace started to sing the bridge of the song, and I opened my eyes. The most cliche thing in every possible way - for every movie, book, play or song happened - our gazes met. The time felt like it stopped for a second.

‘Like a magnet

Hard to imagine ever changing

Anything changing my way

Baby, like a magnet

Can't help that I'm attracted to you, I am

Could you keep on guiding me? Please’

He smiled at me as he didn’t move his gaze from mine. When he sang: ‘Can't help that I'm attracted to you, I am’ - he hold his hands up to his head and shock them, a big smile sprad across his face, as I did the same thing back at him. I was in disbelief that he recognised me, yet alone did the whole ‘Fantastic Mr. Fox’ thingy. The last part of the bridge felt very personal: ‘Could you keep on guiding me? Please’ I couldn’t hide away the grin on my face, as I just gestured with my hands a ‘maybe’, as he was looking at me with a playful questioning expression. Ace chuckled and winked at me. When he moved his gaze away from me, I quickly moved around trying to disappear in the crowd as my face as flaming hot.

When the song finished the guys were met with loud and well-deserved applauses.

“You really are kind of a quote-unquote Fantastic Fox.” Ace chuckled on the microphone. I knew this was meant for me, even though he couldn’t see me, he made sure I can hear him. Trying to distract myself right now was quite a challenge. All I could think about was this moment of interaction, we had in front of so many people, yet no one knew what was going on.

******* Three more songs and they were done with their performance for tonight.

“Thank you, thank you all for coming here tonight.” Ace thanked the crowd, loud applauses echoed through the whole bar. “Six months ago, when the guys and I decided to finally start putting out the music, that we have been doing for the past two years now, we never expected that people will find such an interest in us. For everyone streaming our music and coming to all the live gigs we have done so far – thank you from the bottom of my heart.” He bowed with his head before he took off his guitar and left the podium. The rest of the guys bowed and thanked everyone leaving a bit after him.

Ace was already surrounded by group of girls as he stepped down from the podium. As every man on this Earth of course he loved the attention he was getting, especially from young and attractive women, but there was this particular girl in his mind tonight that he wanted to get the chance to speak again with. He was thinking of their short interaction today even after she left the coffee shop. It was something about her that piqued his interest, and this hasn’t had happen in a quite long time. Ace didn’t really remember the last time he seriously got interested in a girl for more than a one-night stand or a short situationship. And he was curious if this time would be the same, if she would be one of the many that would come and leave - leaving nothing behind themselves. This was something he would catch himself being jealous of his brother Sabo sometimes. The universe literally served him his girl on a golden plate. He didn’t have to search and get disappointed all the time, he was simply in the right place at the right time, and so did she. Part of him was really wondering when it’s going to be his turn; his turn to be loved, to be adored and cared by someone – and the one who would wake these feelings up in him for her, as well.

His experience with girls was quite big, even though it wasn’t always like this. Girls started to pay attention to him around the age of seventeen, when he decided that he must start going to the gym and change not only his appearance, but behaviour as well. The person who he was now, and who he was almost eight years ago, were totally different people. Ace used to be the grumpiest, meanest and enrage kid you could have known; even now-a-days he would catch himself acting like this little kid again and he hated this. Ace has always been afraid that no one would ever love the real him – every time he tried to show his true self after a while they either run away or he realised it was not worthed to keep trying. Lost in his thoughts for a moment he didn’t realise he had zoomed out until some waved their hand in his face.

“Sorry I got distracted for a second, what were you saying?” He smiled at one of the girls in front of him.

“I said would you mind giving me your autograph?” She teases him with a playful look in her eyes.

“Sure, you have a pen or something.” He gave her the same look, knowing that she was flirting with him.

“There you go.” She borrowed a pen from one of the girls standing next to her. “My name is Samantha, in case you were wondering.” She turned her back towards Ace, moving her hair on the side so he could sign the top of her shoulder.

“What should I write?” Ace took a look at her, from head to toe – ‘nice body, nice ass’ he thought to himself, stepping a little closer to her.

“How about your number?” She smirked at him, as he chuckled at her flirty tone. He checked her out one more time as he licked his lips with a sly smirk.

“There you go, angle.” He wrote his number on her shoulder. He gave the pen back to her with a wink as he continued his way towards the back exit.

Ace wanted to be at peace for just a second. A few more girls stopped him on his way to the back exit, but they were less flirtatious than the girl he gave his number to. Finally, he made his way outside and the moment the chilly wind hit his face he breathed out. He pulled out a package of cigarettes, taking one out and lighting it, taking a long puff from it. Closing his eyes as he leaned on the wall, exhaling the smoke. Having attention was nice, especially from women, but that wasn’t so important for Ace. The goal wasn’t women – the goal was to make great music that people can love and enjoy. After every show Ace catches himself in the ‘imposter’ syndrome – that he was not good enough, that the performance sucked, that he was bringing the band down, that he was not a good singer or a guitar player. All these thoughts were hitting him like a truck every time he got off stage, and no matter what people were telling him, he couldn’t shake this feeling. The feeling of never being good enough. He was lighting up a second cigarette, and he noticed it was the last one.

“Fuck, fuck , FUCK.” He cursed himself, taking a puff after puff from his cigarette. As he was taking his last smoke from the cigarette, throwing it on the ground, he thought of you. Ace wasn’t the type to believe in fate or anything from this sort of bullshits, but he chuckled to himself. What were the chances that in one day you two happened to be in the same place at the same time – two completely strangers. And you were pretty – no, you were gorgeous. There was something in you that was waking up a little spark of fire in him, and you haven’t even had a proper conversation, yet. When he saw you from the stage it was like the time had stopped and he couldn’t move his eyes from you. You were just standing there, enjoying the moment, living in the song – and then you opened your eyes, oh those beautiful eyes which he didn’t have the chance yet to know the colour of, but he was looking forward to finding out soon. He took a few more minutes outside gathering his thoughts, before he put his poker face back, walking inside confidently like nothing was going on inside of his mind.

******

I wasn’t looking forward to going behind the bar right now, even when I knew I had to, but instead found Nami and the rest of the group.

“There she is!” Usopp saw me first and yelled, waving his hand gesturing me to come faster.

Nami had her head rested on Sanji’s shoulder as she was completely wasted, but Sanji was more than happy to take care of her. On his other side was standing a black-haired guy, a little shorter than Sanji, maybe the same height as Usopp. He was wearing a red oversized t-shirt and baggy light blue jeans. His face was scared under his left eye but still he looked quite boyish with his big grin on his face – I guess this was the infamous Luffy. Next to him was standing Zoro, he nodded at me as he saw me. Zoro was waring bandana on his head, his fit not very different from Luffy’s, the only difference was that his t-shirt was white. Nami tilted her head in my direction and quickly jumped from Sanji’s side, but he quickly grabbed her the shoulders, as she almost tripped and fell.

“Damn Nami, how much you drank, tonight?” I have seen her wasted but never this much.

“Way too much.” Sanji answered me instead of her as she was leaning on him again.

“Luffy, this is (Y/N) – the classmate we have been telling you about.” Usopp interrupted, introducing us as we exchange a handshake.

��Nice to meet you finally (Y/N). I have been hearing a lot about you.” Even thought we were the same age there was something so boyish in Luffy’s voice.

“So did I.” I smiled at him. “By the way, your brothers’ band is great.”

“Oh, I know! I’m so happy that Shanks let them play here tonight.” His smile grew wilder.

“How did you meet my uncle by the way? Nami told me that you two know each other.” I was really curious to know how these two knew each other, especially after Shanks refer to him as a ‘son’.

“Long story short – I was quite a troubled kid until I met Shanks. Then I became even more troubled and reckless.” We all laughed at his joke. “But yeah we met –“he got interrupted by someone shouting his name. We all turned around and the blonde guy from the band was joining to the table, with a girl under his arm, which I guess is his beloved girlfriend. She was wearing a very nice light purple ruffled dress; her shoulder length light brown hair was nicely styled in a blowout effect. Her face was lightened by her big smile and her big dark blue eyes were glowing with love as she was looking at her boyfriend.

“Sabo, Koala – come. This is (Y/N), Nami’s and I best classmate and friend from uni.” Usopp introduced me to them as I awkwardly nodded the moment Sabo’s eyes widen in shock.

“No way, look baby this is the stripper I was telling you about.” He told Koala, as she slapped him on the chest as she turned to me. I was shocked from the comment he just made, so did everyone.

“Stripper? You are a stripper?” Luffy looked at me confused, Zoro slapped him behind the neck, shushing him.

“Don’t listen to him, his humour, is little broken. Nice to meet you, (Y/N).” She smiled at me.

“No don’t listen to me guys. Sorry didn’t mean to offend you, I’m Sabo, nice to meet you officially.” He reached out his hand across the table, and we handshake. The other two guys – the light blue haired and the tattooed one joined as well. As they saw me, they had the same reaction as Sabo, but didn’t make any comments instead they just introduced themself.

“Where is Ace?” Luffy asked Sabo.

“Ah, probably out smoking, I don’t know.” Sabo shrugged. “You know how he is after we finish every set.” Luffy nodded at what Sabo said and continue to talk to Law. Deuce was talking to some girl, who was wearing a ‘birthday girl’ crown, Nami was barely standing, while Sanji was making sure that she was getting enough water.

“I am going back to work; it was nice to see you all.” I tapped Usopp on the shoulder, interrupting his conversation with Zoro.

“No wait a minute, so you can also meet Ace.” Usopp stopped me from going as he hold my wrist. My heart skipped a beat when he mentioned his name.

“Some other time Usopp I promise, I really need to go back, otherwise Kid will kill me at this point tonight.” I pouted at him, and he nodded, understanding my situation and let me go. The universe had other plans whatsoever – turning around I bumped into someone’s muscular chest. He gently held me for a second by the shoulders.

“Easy there, no rush.” I looked up and my eyes met his. Ace was looking at me with a little smirk placed on his face. “Hey (Y/N).” He took a step back giving us some space. He remembered my name.

“Hey.” I smiled at him, tying to hide the fact I was a little nervous.

“You two know each other?” Usopp pointed a finger at us.

“No.” We both said at the same time. “We just met this morning by chance.” I explained to Usopp. “Oh, nice. What a coincidence.” He chuckled as he turned back to Zoro. Little did he know how right he was.

“So, you work here?” Ace broke the silence between us.

“Yes and no.” I laughed awkwardly. “Shanks is my uncle, so sometimes when he really needs help like tonight I just jump in behind the bar.” I explained, looking down at my hands as I was playing with my fingers, a habit I have when I’m nervous.

“Hey.” Ace bent his posture a little trying to catch my gaze, I looked back at him immediately. “I don’t bite – relax.” There was a little hint of teasing in his voice.

“I’m relaxed.” I brushed it off, trying to play it cool. “It’s just strange – from lending me your charger to hearing you perform tonight here was quite a surprise.”

“Yeah, I agree. You- you, um, did you enjoy it?” He ran his hand through his hair, awkwardly scratching his neck.

“I loved it.” I eagerly told him, a little too eagerly for which I cringed at myself. “I didn’t know about you guys until today. Actually, Nami and Usopp invited me to see you performing here, but again funny coincidence.” I started to babble. “Then they played me this song of yours “Cry Baby” and yeah – I can say I’m defiantly a fan now. Especially after I heard you tonight. But I had no idea it was you, until I saw you coming on the podium, so I was quite surprised.” As I continued to babble, he had crossed his arms in front of his chest making, looking at me with half lidded eyes, a little smile playing on his lips. “I think I talk too much.” I awkwardly chuckled. A wild smile spread across Ace’s face, he shook his head, as he laughed.

“What?” I playfully tilted my head at him, wondering what made him react like this.

“I think you need to listen to ‘Cry Baby’ one more time.” He teased me, without giving me any more information.

“Okay, I will.” I teased him back. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.

“Wait how do you know Nami and Usopp?” He was the one to break the silence again.

“We are classmates.” He raised his eyebrows in awe.

“Oh, a filmmaker. What are you the most lead to – directing, scriptwriting or...?” He asked me clearly interested in my answer. I was about to answer him when someone grabbed me by the shoulders and squeezed me hard.

“Ouch.” I turned around and I saw Shanks’ smug smile. He reached his fist at Ace, and they bumped it.

“Ace could I politely ask you to not distract my beautiful niece as she is supposed to work not flirt.” Ace nodded at Shanks’ comment, with a little smirk.

“We are not, I – I’m not flirting.” My whole face got flushed. I took a quick look at Ace, but his face was unreadable.

“Flirting or not – go behind the bar or I will make you stay and clean as well.” I knew he was serious, despite the smile on his face. I just nodded at him and left without even looking at Ace as I was quite embarrassed.

******

After some time, people started to leave, and the work started to decrease. I saw Ace and the rest of the guys starting to put their instruments away, getting ready to leave. We locked eyes a few times, but nothing more.

“Stop staring and forget even thinking about Ace.” Shanks interrupted my thoughts, his tone serious.

“Excuse me?” I looked at him confused, why would he even tell me this.

“You heard me.” He leaned his forearms on the bar, having a very serious face, something that I rarely ever see. “You only gonna end up hurt Foxy, so be thankful that I cock-blocked you.” He tapped the bar and went away, not letting me say anything further. I continued to clean the bar, Shanks words still in my mind, wondering what exactly he meant by that and a little surprised of how he worded it. “Hey, we are leaving.” I looked up and saw Usopp and the rest of the group behind him. “Thank you for the drinks by the way.” I waved my hand, brushing it off as there was nothing to thank me for.

“It was nice to finally meet you (Y/N).” Sanji told me with a wink, him carrying sleeping Nami in his arms.

“Yeah (Y/N), we have to properly go out these days.” Luffy cheerfully exclaimed, as he came closer to the bar to high-five me.

“We sure need to Luffy.” I smiled at him, Zoro just waved me ‘goodbye’, he wasn’t usually the most talkative but tonight he was extra quiet. They all stopped to say goodbye to Shanks as well, who was standing by the exit. I was still little affected by Shanks’ words and didn’t want to look at him right now.

“You know I discovered that coffee shop recently.” I turned around to face Ace, as I heard his voice.

“It is a hidden gem, right?” I gushed. He smiled at me and nodded.

“So I guess I will be seeing you there?” he raised an eyebrow at me, a little hint of tease in it.

“Definitely Ace.” I smiled at him. He kept his eyes on mine for a moment.

“(your eyes colour).” He murmured, I tilted my head at him wondering what he just murmured to himself. He saw my reaction and just flashed me a smile. “Till next time then.” He winked at me and then he left.

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

The Man, the Myth, the Legend, it's Every Version of Soundwave Across the Multiverse! Fucking look at all of them, all 14 of them. It's a Soundwave Height Chart! Yay!

Quick Disclaimer, if any of the images look weird, it's because I had to stitch a few separate images together to create a full body shot of the character.

Here are links to my Bumblebee Chart, my Optimus Chart, my Megatron Chart, and my Shockwave Chart. Please go gawk at how many Optimus designs there are, sweet fuck, there are so many. For future reference, all these charts will be filed under my "Transformers Height Charts" tag and my "aka the adventures of a..." tag.

Explanations and Sources below the cut, because I have always have words to say.

TFA V1 - 6 feet 5 inches (Animated has no actual numbers, but the lovely @phoenix-inanis has provided a frankly astounding resource with their own calculations for the heights of all the TFA characters. Go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4.)

Unicron Trilogy Cybertron - ~13 feet (TFWiki, for the uneducated, the Unicron Trilogy has given each of its 3 seasons separate names and 3 separate art styles. This is the design used in Cybertron (S3) though he only shows up in Cybertron. This bitch was so hard to get a full body shot of, he was always standing off to the side or standing behind someone)

Earthspark - ~15 feet (No actual source for ES, but using a barn door to get Bumblebee's height, then Optimus's, then Megatron's height, I was able to make a guess at Soundwave's. Soundwave comes up to about Megatron's chin; the screenshot I found has the two fighting, so it might be a little off, but I'm confident this is pretty close. Also, this might be the shortest of universe to date; I am consistantly finding these iterations to be some of the shortest out of all of them. It may look like the UT has it beat but in S1 everyone is much taller than they are later. No, I don't know why.)

TFA V2 - 17 feet 7 inches (Once again, phoenix-inanis did a fuck ton of work, go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4)

Gen 1 - ~18 feet (TFWiki. I do not have anything else to say)

Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~18 feet (I have no source for this, other than assuming that because this design is identical to Gen 1, they are the same height. It's all I got so it's what I'm using)

Knight/Capel-Verse - ~18 feet (No source, and he never stands next to anyone I can measure him against, but because the TFOne director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, I am assuming the height I figured out for TFOne applies to this universe as well. Capel directed the ROTB movie if you're wondering why his name is there)

One - ~18 feet (No source, I got this number by comparing him to Shockwave who I compared to Optimus. Now, I am aware of the TFO heights listed on the wiki, but I reject those numbers on principle. A: Those numbers are sourced from the Walmart Promotional AR Experience that came out before the movie. B: There are three decimal points, and that number does not convert into a whole number in meters (which is originally what I thought was weird about it). C: The director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, so I have elected to use the few given heights we have from KCV and worked from there. My Optimus post has slightly more context if you want it)

Cyberverse - 19 feet 3 inches (This comes from a screenshot of this video which has the Cyberverse height chart everyone uses, though the quality of the screenshot is iffy.)

Bayverse - ~22 feet (Okay, so this is from the wiki, but it comes from a concept design for the second movie that never got used, so I went to find my own number. And in the third movie, I was able to compare Soundwave to Megatron and I got a the same number as the first unused number... Kinda backwards but okay)

Aligned Cont. WF/FOC/TFP/RID15 V1&2 - 26 feet 2 inches (I originally got this number from Fandom, but I can't for the life of me find the page with the info. Fandom has like 6 different pages for the same character, it's so frustrating. Also- Freakishly tall universe there is no reason for them to be this tall)

Not Pictured: Bayverse Satellite Soundwave - I do not know how big he is and I can not compare him to anyone who I do know. I am sorry satellite Soundwave fans, he evades me with his stupid floating in space all alone bullshit.

[universalzones]

By Sol, this Lupus was truly a tough one to read. Clearly reputation wasn't much of a concern either so there wasn't an ego to stroke. Perhaps if Blaze knew more about him she could be much more aggressive with negations or more cunning, though she didn't while she was sure he had a fair amount of information on her. There wasn't much she could do to even the playing field at this moment, though there was one thing she could do.

"Very well, though I expect your soldiers to act accordingly. If they attempt to become hostile or worse I expect you to reprimand them accordingly. I will be keep a VERY close eye on them as well as my allies." Blaze wasn't going to make threats of attacking, though she wasn't going to let GUN push anyone around on her watch. If they step out of line she expected the commander to reprimand them accordingly. "Another matter, if you see a chopper leaving then it isn't ours. There was an assailant who attempted to attack Commander Rose, a failed attempt." A lie, though best not reveal Amy was out of commission right now.

===========================================================

"I know, though she already seems annoyed. I'm just worried GUN might do something to make her mad." Belle could only guess the giant Wisp was reasonable, though it didn't seem int he best mood, though who would be after having an airship shooting at them. "Perhaps asking them just to keep watch is our best start." This way they can watch what's going on, though not be at risk of some stupid GUN soldier suddenly attacking and making them angry. "I'm just taking a guess as I know Wisps are peaceful by nature."

Belle didn't have the reflex's Lanolin did as the gust made her land right on her rear. The tinkerer getting up rather quickly. "Well, he didn't even stop to talk to you or me which isn't normal." The puppet was then knocked on her rear again as Surge pasted by leaving a faint trail of blue lightning before it faded. "Okay, there might be something to be worried about." She was worried about her starting a fight with GUN.

The tall Wolf didn't seem to show any sign of empathy toward the plight of Restoration. This was the sort of man who had been in a military his whole life. He didn't see them as anything more the resources to be expended and, his orders were set in stone. It would take more then pretty words and sad stories to move him to action. He had his orders and he didn't intend to falter on those short of someone of higher rank forcing his hand. Yet he clearly also understood that he couldn't outright ignore her plight entirely.

" I'll see that anti-fire suppressant units are deployed to help deal with the fire outbreaks. I'll also make sure that any injured are allowed through the check point and taken to a proper hospital... its the most i can do right now. But i've informed the President of your situation, most we can do is wait for a response or a change to my orders..."

==============================================

Lanolin was always impressed with how quickly Belle adapted to every situation. she guessed that was Eggtech for you, or was she special? She knew Omega was no less adaptive, and look at Metal? didn't he have that weird copy power? either way she was an amazing person and she was happy to have her by her side as an advisor right now!

" No not attack, that's not the plan. Really we just need an excuse for GUN to back off. Just her being here on our side might be enough of a deterrent to stay there hand. Might be enough to get them to see our side of things just out of fear of what she could do... we don't need her to attack... just the possibility of the attack might work... honestly i don't want a conflict... its the last thing on my mind..."

She was about to speak again, yet a blast of blue wind whipped past them at super sonic speed! nearly knocking her off her feet and making her hold onto a nearby light pole! She blinked confused as she was pretty sure that was Sonic but he was booking it! and headed right for the check point?

" Looks like Sonic is gonna have a talk... might not have to worry right? "

[doublejango]

I am already seeing virtue signaling posts from people saying "I don't care what you believe or how you voted..."

That's great. I care. I care a lot. The outcome of this election effects me, but so much more than me. I care. It matters. And if it really doesn't matter to you? Good for you. If you are privileged enough, safe enough, and entitled enough to truly not care about how the election will impact other people... I can't even imagine what that must be like. Nice, I guess?

I spent most of last night and this morning crying.

I'm done with tears now, and have moved on to rage.

And you know what? I promise not to let it burn out. Because smiles and positivity may work for many of us, and I'm not going to lose mine either, I promise not to lose my queer joy--they can rip it from my cold dead hands, not to get too damn dramatic here--but I'm also not in the mood to start forgiving and smiling and welcoming Nazis into the bar.

So. I will hold onto anger. I've been tolerant and accepting long enough in life... and have learned something important about what causes the worst harm.

I have been gay bashed before. Violently. Blood. Broken bones. Lost teeth. And you know what the worst part of the recovery of all of that was, the part that did the most psychological and emotional damage? It wasn't the actual bashing itself. It wasn't even the memory of exactly what it felt like to have something swung full force into my face with extremely violent intent. It was the denial from my "friends" and family afterwards. The people who wanted to deny that it was a hate crime. The people who wanted me to shrug it off and not be upset about it. The people who loved to say oh well it wasn't that bad. You know what helped? Letting myself feel fury. Letting myself name the attack as hate. "It wasn't that bad," though, they said, asif it was their judgment to make--endless hours of dental procedures, pain, wounds that never fully healed, the trauma, the lost work, the new experience of vomiting blood with broken jaws and knocked out teeth. Because it wasn't that bad. And there was so much self-reproach, because I could have avoided it. I wasn't the intended target. He was swinging for a lesbian with me. When the attacker burst out of hiding he was swinging for the side of her head, her temple. I jumped in between them. Didn't think. It was an impulse. Protect the people you care about. So I took it to the face. And I grabbed him. I threw him, and fell doing it. I remember being on my knees in the mud. Seeing my teeth in the mud. Seeing my blood just. Everywhere. And knowing I needed to push back to my feet immediately because it might not be over.

We were lucky. It was over. He hadn't expected anyone to fight back. He ran.

But the people who claimed to love me didn't want to deal with the idea that it was a hate crime. They wanted it to be random and meaningless. That made their world a little safer, I guess. And their denial made my world colder. And my recovery lonelier. Harder. They put me down for "bringing it on myself." As if it would have been more virtuous to let this woman take that attack to her temple, as if I would have been more valid for standing by and watching it happen.

There are so many more stories I can tell you, but the lesson is almost invariably the same: the ugliest hurt is often the one caused by the people who just turn away when you identify what happened to you. The hurts that cut the deepest and last the longest often come from the people we thought we could trust, because they want you to just get over it, don't talk about it, admit it could have been worse, don't call it That.

The betrayal from people who are supposed to have your back? That deepens wounds, deepens trauma.

I won't be that person. I won't tell you to smile and turn the other cheek when someone shows you they hate you. Do whatever you need to do to survive--physically, emotionally, psychologically. Just don't give up, and don't let the cowards force you into feeling shame for not giving up and letting the world break you.

Never be ashamed to refuse to break.

Never let someone shame you for choosing strength. For drawing your line in the sand.

I wanted the "exciting" times of my life to be behind me. But they're not--so be it. I'm not going to tone myself down to be safer. I don't care about my own safety anymore. Any self-preservation drive broke a long time ago when it comes to homophobia. I promise to always be ready to fight. To be a queer menace to "polite" society. I promise to be out and loud and gay, to be a shield however I can for those who can't be out, who can't fight back, who can't even speak up because it wouldn't be safe for them to do so. They are valid, too. And I love them. And I will have their fucking backs. I promise to, in my real off-the-internet life, be someone who will always jump in and speak up if I see queer people being harassed or shamed--especially if they're young. I am older. I will fight for my baby gays. I will love them.

And I will never, never put anyone down for refusing to welcome Nazis into the bar. We don't look the other way and quietly tolerate them. Not here.

I may not be around much for the next few days. I need to handle my own shit. My own fury. My own grief. Because right now, there is so much grief.

But I won't be going anywhere.

I will fight to stay.

Whatever it takes.

I'm not giving up.

If I end up on my knees in the mud again, staring at my own blood and teeth, metaphorically or in fucking reality, so be it. I will get back up. And I will keep getting back up. I won't let go of the anger. The spite. And I definitely won't let go of my love for every queer person, the ones I know and the ones I don't, because that love is what will give me strength to get through this. Whatever comes next.

I may not have much sense of self-preservation. But goddamn, I will fight for you.

[rekino2114]

The fact that Rose would remeber the first kiss got me thinking. What would the first kiss with the drdt girls be like?

First kiss with the drdt girls

A/n:sorry if I posted this later than my usual posting hour but I had to study for an exam

Teruko tawaki

"Ugh, really?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but we have only one slice of cake left"

"No I- *sighs* it's fine, I should have known. Just get me the one"

Teruko dejectedly took the cake and paid. She went back to your table where you were smiling at her, making her feel even more guilty

"Here you are. Why did you take so long?"

She sat down and put the slice on your side of the table

"Yeah, so the line suddenly got way longer when i arrived, and they only had 1 slice left..... which wasn't even the type of cake you wanted......I'm really sorry"

"It's not your fault"

"It probably is though, you know,with my luck"

"Yeah, maybe it's your luck's fault, but it's not yours. The difference is important"

"......thanks"

"It's nothing, now let's eat"

"Hm? But there's only one slice"

"But there are two forks"

"But isn't the cake too small for two people?"

"Then that just means we'll have to eat something else later. Come on, I don't wanna see you all sad because you don't get to eat, what kind of partner would I be to not share?"

Teruko smiled and took the fork. She thanked you and started eating small bits of the cake. when you were finished, she looked up at you while you were wiping your mouth. She reached for her napkin to do the same but couldn't find it anywhere

"Eh? What the-?"

"What's wrong, teru?"

"Nothing, I just can't find my towel, it's not even on the ground, what the heck?"

"I guess you do have some cake on your lips"

"Yeah and I can't wipe it now"

"Well I might have a solution to that"

"Hm?"

Teruko was surprised to see that you got a lot closer to her and quickly understood what you wanted to do, she blushed but nodded giving you permission.

You kissed her lips softly, and when you saw that she was enjoying it, you put more force into it, licking all the bits of frosting away

"Did you like that? Sorry if it was sudden but-"

"No, no its fine.....that was my first kiss, it was amazing"

"Yeah, same goes for me"

Min jeung

"Did you get that y/n?

"S-sure"

"OK, so explain it"

"..........."

"*sighs* you didn't get any of that did you?"

"........no"

"I told you I'm not good at tutoring, I'm used to studying by myself"

"Yeah, but I wanted to spend some time with you, and studying together seemed cute"

"It is.....just not efficient"

"Hehe, yeah, soooo can we take a break?"

"We started like 15 minutes ago"

"Come on, the test is in like 3 days we have a lot of time"

".......the test is tomorrow"

".......what?"

"You didn't know that? I thought that was the whole reason why you asked me to study with you"

"To be honest I just knew there was a test"

"*sighs*"

"........can we still take a break?"

"No"

"Pretty please?"

"No"

"But I'm so tired"

"It's been only 15 minutes"

"So there's nothing I can do to change your mind"

"No"

"Not even.......this"

Before min could even process what you said, you got close to her and kissed her. She went beet red, and when you pulled back, she stood frozen for a second

"Y-you, t-that was......w-why?"

"Sorry....was that too much?"

"N-no it's just.......it was my first kiss...like ever"

"Did you like it?"

"Y-yeah"

"Great"

You smiled and approached her again. You two kissed for the second time, and this time, min kissed back passionately. You moved her hair from her face to reveal her beautiful pink eyes staring back at you

"Your eyes are beautiful"

"Thanks, yours are too"

Arei nageishi

"Heck yeah! 4th strike for meeeee!"

Arei turned to look at you giving you a victory sign while you did a thumbs up while drinking the soda you got

"Soooo, am I awesome or what?"

She decided to take a break and sat at the table you got

"Definitely, you got the highest score"

"I mean, what else did you expect? I am the best"

"I guess that's true"

The bowler giggled, and she took a sip of her own drink.......before almost spitting it out at your next words

"Oh hey, someone else got the highest score"

"Eh? Who-......."

"Everything alright arei?"

"......that bitch"

"What?"

"That's g/n she's always been kind of a rival in bowling to me, she's still salty Hope's peak chose me over her, I mean it's not my fault that they recognize actual talent"

The very unpleasant looking girl that arei pointed towards approached your table with a forced smile and started to glare at arei

"Hello,arei, fancy seeing you here"

"Oh my god, hiiiii, how long has it been.... eternally in second place?"

"Strong words from a girl who had to ruin her sisters lives cause she couldn't handle a bit of negativity"

You saw arei's fake smile drop and a mix of rage and confusion appear on her face

"W-what? How do you-"

"I have my sources, anyway I'm not here for you, I'm here for them"

The girl pointed at you while staring with a flirty gaze, you knew where this was going and you hated it

"So come here often?~"

"Yes I do, to cheer up my girlfriend"

"Oh! So you're a thing! How did a hottie like you end up with such a bitch?"

"A BITCH? look who's talking, you're trying to steal my partner"

"Please. We both know you don't actually love them, I mean, can you even feel love when you're such a horrible piece of shit?

"I-i'll show you how much I love them"

Arei then suddenly took your collar and pulled you near her kissing you

"Happy now? I suggest you get your flat ass outside right now before I start throwing punches at that abstract painting you call a face"

The girl stormed away, and arei laughed a bit at her before looking at you

"You okay? Sorry for her"

"No, it's fine, it's just......that's not how I expected our first kiss to go"

".........fuck that was our first kiss?!"

"Yeah"

"S-sorry do you wanna redo it or something? I just got worried and-"

"No It's fine, you're actually a great kisser"

"R-really? i mean Y-yeah, of course i am"

Hu jing

After hu finished her performance, a roar of applause came from the audience, but the loudest and most passionate claps came from you, hu recognized that, and after bowing, she smiled brightly at you

When the concert was over and everyone went out, you approached your girlfriend and held her hands

"That was amazing hu, I can definitely see why you're the ultimate zither player"

"Hehe, you exaggerate dear, I simply did what I love"

"But you're so skilled, to be honest I didn't fully know even what a zither was before I started dating you, and now it's one of my favorite instruments"

Hu blushed at your praise and she felt her heart beating faster with every second she was near you

"Can I come to everyone of your concerts? I just really wanna support you"

"Y-you'd really like that?"

"Of course I love you, like really really love you and I want to support everything you like, especially your ultimate"

"I just don't know what to say, darling. I'd love that, I'm love you too so much"

You got overwhelmed by your emotions and kissed the zither player on her lips, she blushed for a moment but quickly melted into it

"O-oh, sorry, you just looked so beautiful, and It just felt right to do that"

"No, it's completely fine. I loved it. For a first kiss, it was most wonderful"

"Then can I expect more?"

"Of course, definitely"

J rosales

"FUCK OFF YOU CREEP!"

J suddenly rushed in your dorm and slammed the door, she took a moment to breathe before looking at you

"It's Arturo again isn't it?"

"Yeah, that asshole thinks he can just follow me around, I told him I'm already taken, and that changed nothing, I think it even got worse"

"Oh, I'm sorry"

"No, it's not your fault. He's just a piece of shit"

"Yeah, I'll just talk to him"

"You sure?"

"Yeah obviously, I'd just be a bad partner if I didn't"

You opened the door and found the plastic surgeon still standing there

"Oh Julia you-....what are you doing here?"

"First of all, her name is j, and second, this is my dorm you idiot"

"Oh yes, you're Julia's "lover" aren't you? I still don't understand how she could fall for someone so ugly"

"Says the guy who has to wear a mask to hide how ugly he is"

"How dare you-"

"Listen, I don't wanna deal with you anymore, so I'll let you go, but next time you harass J like that, I'll go tell Xander, and I don't think he'd appreciate you treating his friend's girlfriend like that"

"Ugh such an ugly-"

"Yeah, Yeah I get it, now fuck off!"

You closed the door (kinda hoping to hurt him), and you heard as he walked away, you closed your eyes and sighed

"Geez what a loser, hopefully that will get him to stop"

When you opened your eyes, you were very surprised to see a blushing j standing mere inches in front of your face, and before you could say anything, she crashed your lips into yours. When she pulled back, she was blushing even more and pulled her hood over her face

"C-Consider that a thank you for what you just did.....o-or something.....God this is so dumb"

"That was great"

"U-uh? Really?"

"Yeah, it was amazing. You're actually a really good kisser"

"T-thanks I guess, you were a good kisser too"

Veronika grebenshchikova

"Is everything OK darling?"

"Y-yeah totally fine don't worry"

"Are you sure? I can turn off the movie if you'd like, I know this is our first movie night together and I just want you to be comfortable"

"No I'm ok"

"If you say so"

You were, in fact, not ok. You were never a fan of horror movies, but you didn't want to appear weak or boring to your new girlfriend so you didn't tell her anything, though that seemed to be useless as she still understood what you were going trough

When a particular scary scene came on screen, you couldn't take it anymore and hid in the covers, Veronika noticed this and followed you

"Shhh darling it's ok"

She hugged you and you calmed down

"I'm sorry vero, I just-"

She quickly silenced you by kissing your lips. You found it calming and comfortable, so you kissed back, when she pulled back you saw her staring back at you with a smile

"Did that help?"

"Definitely, that felt so great"

"Well I'm glad, listen, it's fine if you're not a horror fan, I don't mind watching another movie"

"No I'm ok, as long as you continue kissing me like that then I think I can handle the movies"

She giggled and kissed you again

"I'm so happy then you'll get alllll the kisses you could ever ask for my darling"

Rose lacroix

*knock, knock*

"Hey Rose, wake up, class already started"

You waited a second and got no response. You got slightly worried, so you entered since the door to her dorm was opened. When you entered, you found a huge blanket covering the bed and when you lifted it up, you saw your girlfriend sleeping soundly

"Rose,......hey rose, wake up"

You nudged her slightly, but she still remained asleep. You tried to do this some more times, but that still had no results

"Geez, she wasn't kidding when she said she slept 15 hours a day, but I guess working on all those paintings must be tiring"

You tried a few more methods to make noise, but nothing worked. You considered splashing water at her but quickly dismissed the idea when you thought about how angry she would be at you

"Rose, seriously, wake up.......my God, you're like sleeping beauty........wait a second"

You blushed at your own idea but dismissed that, too. If she was gonna be angry at you for splashing water, you couldn't even imagine what would happen if you kissed her without consent

"*sighs* I guess I'll tell the teacher you're sick or something"

You tried to get up from her bed but was stopped by someone kissing your lips, you turned to see that rose was awake and smiling at you

"W-what, why did you-"

"You weren't gonna do it, so I thought I should"

"You were faking it?"

"No, I only woke up 5 minutes ago, but hearing you talk about sleeping beauty made me wonder if you were gonna kiss me"

"You wanted me to kiss you?"

"Not really, I'm glad you considered my feelings, so I thought you deserved an actual kiss.......that was my first kiss, how was it?"

"Amazing"

"Eh, thanks I loved it too"

"Let's go to class now"

"Yeah"

[rosepetalkitty]

ngl hdg kinda amazes me in its ability to cater to my kinks pretty much perfectly while simultaneously triggering several of the worst parts of my trauma.

like how is it that it hits on everything i like on the surface, provides semi-decent worldbuilding to back it all up and enable the creation of stories, and even has consistent backstory and stuff, and yet the entire damn thing instills this looming sense of dread and fear that i can't shake enough to properly enjoy it...

below the break im gonna talk in like. moderate detail. about the parts that scare me. so uh yeah be aware that it'll get heavy that's just how it is.

ok, so the worst thing for me. wellness checks. the idea is cute and kinda hot on the surface. "make sure you're okay and if you're not you're getting domesticated" (which is supposed to be like. a happy thing. "now you get to just chill and be happy and get taken care of forever and in return you give me only your submission"). yeah, fuck it, im into that. hell that's not even an uncommon trope in the realm of cnc/mc writing.

except whenever i read an hdg wellness check story (in the sense of those long-ish tumblr posts that people write—i haven't even really considered reading the longer form content on ao3) there's something viscerally... off... about the tone. it stops feeling like kink and starts feeling like a nightmare when things happen to line up just so, and then it clicks, and reminds me that i knew people, real people, who had "wellness checks" happen in real life, except that instead of it being a kink thing that made them happy and was genuinely for their wellbeing, it was that their parents had hired people to kidnap them and drag them to a psych ward when they just needed a therapist. not all of those people that i knew have come home, as far as im aware. some have been gone for years.

and what about the whole idea of the non-consensual part being okay because "it's for your own good". in hdg-land it is. it's genuinely good for you and everyone seems to be happy with it, other than the occasional "bad guy who hates good things" trope (feralists, in hdg, afaik). but that's exactly what they told me when they cut contact between my boyfriend and i while he was in the hospital. "it's for your own good." guess what, it wasn't. his parents didn't like our relationship. they wanted me to forget him. they either didn't understand or didn't care that i couldn't. it was a year and a half before he came home and i had forgotten nothing.

our loss of communication was the tipping point in a series of events that, had i made one decision differently in the end, would have killed me. thankfully i fucked it up and am here today, no longer in that bad of a place may i add. im choosing not to share any of what happened to me directly right now because i don't want to turn this into a full on trauma dump, but suffice it to say there are recurring themes.

it's so interesting to me because in a lot of ways i have found comfort from those experiences in kink and writing. take flames of averon: mech pilots are neurochemically bonded to their handlers. how different is this from what the affini do to their florets? well, you have to sign up to be a pilot, and there's no authority in the world threatening you if you choose not to. even the coalition military wouldn't dare force you to become a pilot against your will, though they might never stop sending you promotional flyers if they find out you're able to tolerate the cyberware /lh

hell, im into cnc. im really into it. i chose to leave it as an opening between pilots and handlers in foa. the implication exists that if a handler tells their pilot to do something the poor thing will have a hell of a time saying no. that's intentional. it's hot to me, on either end. but the safety comes from other things.

yes, your handler has a lot of influence over you at a level that's hard to imagine, but you chose them and they chose you (most of the time), or at the very least neither of you had any complaints to raise with your supervisor when the paperwork came in for syncing your link chips (holly and astrid from seat of consciousness).

yes it's true, you can't be reassigned now that you're bonded, but that doesn't mean you have zero recourse if your handler is treating you badly. if you need to, you can always file paperwork with your commanding officer to request that something be done.

plus, handlers go through a lot of training, which includes screening to filter out people who would actually harm their pilots. yeah, some handlers are a little sadistic, but when it comes down to it they are on your side. if that wasn't the case they would never have passed pre-basic.

put another way, as a pilot in flames of averon, the closest thing ive ever written to a floret, there are a multitude of points at which you could have said no and didn't, and although that's obviously still noncon in the grand scheme of things, it's "signing away your freedom" cnc compared to the hdg flavor of "you 'consented' via it being the best thing for you whether you like it or not."

even if your handler just told you to "stay" for the first time and you're currently panicking and trying to figure out why your legs won't move, you still have some tiny amount of agency—an escape hatch, so to speak—and you'll just never end up having to use it.

and to me, the loss of that minute level of agency which will never be invoked is the difference between "this is hot as hell and feels perfectly safe" and "this is the abuse that was once leveraged against those i cared about, and to some degree myself, and it's simply been repackaged with a kink sticker slapped on."

none of this is to say i hate hdg, it's fans, those who write about it, or even the parts of it which scare me. i do think the idea is hot. hdg is pretty cool. hell, it was one of my inspirations in writing a lot of the pilot/handler dynamics in flames of averon. but it does scare me. and no matter what i tell myself i can't shake that fear.

it's frustrating, because oftentimes fear can be part of what makes something hot, but the particular flavor of fear which hdg instills in me is one which makes bitter all that it reaches. maybe someday i'll grow out of it. the traumatic memories from which that fear stems were only created in the past couple of years, to be fair. but something tells me a piece of that fear will never be fully dislodged from my mind.

so, all this to say, while i am into hdg, it's a complicated relationship.

(and on a sillier in character note to lighten the mood—please feel free to respond to this with roleplay or whatever you like!)

to any Affini out there who might be reading this, know that im not scared of you. im not scared of what you represent. im only scared by the fact that you mimic that which has left the scars you see on my soul today. im not against being taken in as a floret, and none of this is to say that i hold any level of disdain for you.

i only ask that you be gentle with me. what has been broken once can be broken again. please, do not let it come to that.