#also im willing to answer questions if anyone has any?

[vroombeams]

https://www.tumblr.com/vroombeams/774131667646529536/18-and-landoscar-for-the-prompts-game-iyw-and-you

Lando once told him, in an uncharacteristic burst of honesty, that for him it feels like something cold and wet inside. … Apart from the one word commands, there's a murmured litany inside the brain while they're under. Constant, consistent, the auditory texture of water running over smooth river stones. A reminder, Lando'd called it once.

rereading this for the umpteenth time and im stuck on these parts where you reference them talking about it and i have so many questions. so sorry if this is too much. can i ask, when did they first talk about it? since it’s a thing mclaren has been doing ‘for the last few years’ i’m assuming that means lando did it with did with his past teammates, so did they talk about it before it happened for the first time? either with oscar asking what it’s like or lando warning him what to expect, or did they wait to talk about it until it had happened? i’m kinda imagining them sitting in a hotel room together waiting for the psychic to come in and take control so they’re chit chatting beforehand but also them being in separate rooms until they’re under control and then being guided into a room with their sponsors waiting to watch? or is it all recorded and sent in some discreet manner for them to watch?? so many thoughts ..

HELLO HELLO first of all this is so far from Too Much never apologize for this. this legitimately gave me the absolute wiggles to receive i am so happy to know if a piece has lingered in someone's brain and ELATED to answer any and all questions 😭

(for those who are not this anon this is in reference to a mind control prompt fill from last week)

this turned into more of an essay than anticipated so under a cut to not clog up the dash <3

so YEAH re: last few years, lando's been doing it pretty much since he started with mclaren. i feel like it's a zak brown brainchild and he became CEO in 2018 but it would've taken a little bit of time to settle in and sort of see what he could get away with and so probably this started in late 2019 or maybe early 2020 depending on how long it took him to set everything up. re: how the sponsors actually consume it, i've been thinking of it as a live-only experience? like the drivers get stuck in a room with a wall of two-way mirrors and they've got a live audience being served hors d'oeuvres and champagne lmao. anything else wouldn't be secure enough i feel?? also i think that the legality of bringing in a psychic to put anyone under mind control is sketchy at best and is probably only workable in certain countries

specifically with oscar, they didn't have a real conversation about it until after the first time. i think lando would actively avoid talking about it as much as possible, especially since after doing it for so long he's got a weird relationship with it? like he doesn't really want to do it but it's part of the job but also he's going to sweep it under the rug as much as humanly possible

i think it does get better with oscar, whether it's because of their closeness in age or the fact that oscar is probably way more willing to be blunt and upfront about it. like i imagine with carlos, lando would've wanted to talk about it, because it was so new? but carlos is more of a rug-sweeper too i think. and then daniel would be making some pretty weird and uncomfortable jokes to cover up exactly how uncomfortable he is himself etc etc. so lando's just learned not to talk about it

all of this to say i don't think lando ever explains it to oscar, or tells him anything about what they're going to do/how they're going to do it, because he didn't have that experience himself? there's a chance that he tried to give daniel a heads up about it and daniel was like. not mean exactly but laughing at him/dismissive/whatever. and lando internalized that

SO it's a relief for him a little bit when oscar just brings it up at some point, probably in the aftermath of the first time they do it? like when they're still 'hungover' from it, oscar just very easily/casually grumbling about how fucking wretched his brain feels afterward, and lando is like oh yeah thank god it's not just me fucking rotting over here! and after that i think they spend more time together before and after, like you said sitting in a hotel room just chit-chatting to try to take the edge off the building tension and anxiety that never really goes away before they go under. like oscar said in the fic you never really get used to it

they never talk about exactly what happens in that room, or how they feel about it. the conversations are largely about the psychic, the mind control, and the way it feels, but they almost never bring their personal feelings into it as far as they involve each other. until maybe one day they do! who's to say!!!

i hope this answers some of your questions i'm so sorry it got so rambly 😭 please feel free to hmu again if there's anything i missed!!! <333 thank you so much for asking!!

[jesus-is-an-ally]

How do you get past feeling stupid when you believe in God? Like, how do you ignore the feeling that you should be an atheist and not believe in God and that all this is just, a fake made up religion meant to control people? And obviously when i say you i mean i. I want to believe but i feel so dumb for it. I know im a smart person but every time i get involved with christianity i feel like im taking to an imaginary friend because thats how everyone refers to it. I feel like im feeding into an industry that colonized people, when i dont even go to church.

And ive had experiences with God that feel so unlike any religious experience ive had, but my brain always forces me to logic it away. Like ill feel an immeasurable level of calm and happiness and then my brain will go 'those are just endorphins'. How do i get past that?

Long read ahead, but I encourage everyone to read it, because I did my best to answer this and I think there's some good stuff in here.

Hey anon. First I'd like to say that I am not professionally trained, I do not possess a biblical degree of any kind, nor am I a pastor or a priest or anyone like that. But I have been a Christian my entire life, so that should count for something, Lord willing.

I also want to say that I think this is a very good question and I thank you for asking it, as it gave me a chance to think deeply on my faith in order to put it into words.

I always find it really hard to explain faith. I struggle to explain to fellows Christians, to non-Christians, and especially to people who aren’t religious or spiritual in any way. This is probably because faith is very much not a thing of this world, so it is nit easily translatable. But I will try my best.

I too have dealt with doubts in my life. I have felt the need to logic it away. All Christians have one doubt or another, and if they say they haven't, they are lying or potentially believing in a watered down, more palatable version of Christianity.

Either way, let's face it, the world is designed by the devil to make you doubt. The good news is that there is no question or doubt or critique that is going to make God start shaking in Their boots, realizing They hadn't thought of that. They are omnipotent, and anything you are wondering can most likely be found in the Bible, if you know where and how to look.

There are many books that explain the logic of Christianity, such as “Person of Intrest” by J. Warner Wallace or “The Case for A Creator” by Lee Strobel, who has also written many other books similar to this. Fair warning, it’s been forever since I’ve looked into either of these books, so there’s a chance there’s questionable stuff in there that I don’t remember.

However, I do need to say that faith is very much NOT a logical thing. It’s a belief in something that you cannot see, touch, hear, or otherwise sense except with your soul. It's the trust that God is out there, even when you lack concrete evidence.

I believe a person cannot become a believer by force, whether their own or someone else's. You have to truly open up your heart and let the Holy Spirit in. You must confess with your mouth that you believe in the Son of God who died and rose again, that you are a sinner, and that you need forgiveness and guidance.

I'm not pulling this out of my ass, there are a bunch of verses on how faith is not based in the logic of this world. Here are a few.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For we live by faith, not by sight.

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There's a story I heard when I was a kid about a pastor being asked if he can hear God speaking to him in his prayers, and the pastor responded "no, I can't hear Him, it's much clearer than that". Faith is something practically unexplainable in earthly concepts or words. But it is solid, even it doesn't feel like it.

Hebrews chapter 11 is all about faith and what people have done by it, and I encourage you to read it, but I'd like to specifically call attention to Hebrews 11:1, which says,

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.

This is the verse often pointed to when people discuss the biblical definition of faith, and it's the best I can offer.

However, it sounds like science and reason is not the only thing you are struggling with. As for morality, how can we be Christians when Christianity was used to abuse, colonize, and murder innocent people all throughout history and even today?

I'm not going to use the bullshit excuse of "oh they just weren't real Christians" because that is unhelpful, defensive, and probably not even true. All Christians are sinners, and hatred, murder, and all of that other stuff are sins, so it is possible that many or all of those people were true believers.

The simple answer to this question is that sometimes you just have to accept that your people did bad things and swear do your best to stop it from happening again (without spending so much energy on it that you burn out). I have had a lot of practice at this since I'm also white.

In German elementary schools, when they teach the children about WW2, what they basically say is “hey, this is our history, you didn’t do it so you don’t have to feel guilt, but you do have a duty to never let it happen again”.

I think this sort of thinking should be taught to the descendants of all oppressive people. I will also add that we also need to check ourselves that no nasty thoughts have slipped their way in. Often, you can continue the hurt without realizing. But this doesn't mean that Christianity is secretly evil or that Christians are inherently going to abuse others or any of that.

At the end of the day, there's nothing I can truly say that will instantly make you believe.

Like I said, it's not something I can force nor is it something you can logic your way into. No amount of evidence, even if it's the most rock-solid thing in all of the universe, can make someone have faith.

I hope there is something in here that can help you in some way, anon, and I pray God blesses you and keeps you safe.

[cupidspup]

I had an anonymous person ask me some questions about pacifiers, how to get then discreetly and stuff so here's my answer!! :D

Hi! Firstly I wanna say I really admire you asking around for advice and good job for that it's very brave! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ I'd like to say that we as the agere community are very focused on educating others but are also known to take care of others in the community and it makes me so happy that you trust me to help educate you! And to everyone who sees this yes, I am more than willing to answer any questions you may have :> this is my personal blog and safe space but I love chatting and I love helping others too! (Just know if it's advice or questions I'll answer when I do have energy :3) As a person whos nuerodivergent and has social/general anxiety i know it can be really hard and scary to do things! anywho! I'm real happy you asked and I'm happy to answer!

Yes, I do use a pacifier! I actually have a little collection if anyone ever wants to see hehehe૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა anywho! Yes it is genuinely comforting and soothing to me! I usually regress between the ages of 0-6 but usually I'm very very small. I also tend to want a reason to be quiet and just use my random noises when im small too! It also makes me feel better about myself and my self esteem! I think I look cute with it and since I live with my partner/cg/little he thinks it's cute too ૮(˶˃ᆺ˂˶) The feeling of it generally feels full if that makes any sense? Everyone uses pacifiers for their own reasons but these are mine! If you're more of a chewer I definitely recommend getting a teething ring especially the ones with water in it (please be careful!!) It's a lil difficult to puncture a pacifier but not impossible either!

Still relating to pacifiers from above ^ please don't ever let anyone shame you out of having a pacifier or a teething ring or anything really, it hurts to know you have been ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა if it soothes you and isn't a problem to anyone else then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it and at the end of the day, it's your regression not anyone else's. You don't owe anyone anything ever (of course basic mutual respect but still you know what I mean-) pacifiers and teething rings and such are all your choice! Never let that become someone else's choices for you!!

As for obtaining one!! A lot of places on instagram offer discreet packaging! I can recommend my favorite places to buy if you guys ever want recommendations!! But anywho!! When I was a minor living in an unsafe home I did one of two things: given the money to a trusted person and had them send it to their house or another person's house that I trusted OR bought it and sent it to a safe person's house! Of course I told the person what I was doing and I did it with their permission!! They would give it to me when we saw each other :3 please do not use pacifiers meant for real biological babies though!! They will hurt and possibly damage your teeth! If you do ever resort to that (which is highly not recommended) please use it very minimally, do not fall asleep with it and only use it for absolute emergencies. Same goes for other little gear such as sippy cups!

If you don't have a safe person you can tell and have some sort of situation worked out with them I am very very sorry and there isn't much I can do to help :< but!! What I can do is tell you what I did before I had any little gear! I would typically suck on the knuckle of my index finger! Just yknow, curl my finger and suck on that! Of course please don't do that too hard or bite it was only something to soothe and keep myself satisfied for the meantime! :]

That is all I can say for now! I hope everything I said cleared up stuff for you and I hope you can get into a better household soon!! I know it can be hard but know that your regression is a sacred thing, protect it and share it with people you trust 🩷 that I'd the best advice I can give you as an adult regressor (who has many regrets 💀)

With that said!

You are loved and you are cared for, you're always welcome on my blog :]

𓂋

- ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ Kewpie

[system-of-a-feather]

Okay so I have known this, but it came up on my feed again so Im once again bewildered by this.

People with an inability / difficulty planning in the future and imagining themselves in the future (executive dysfunction, ADHDers, etc) - how do you... operate in a day to day? How do you start actions? How do you like... go about your life and things you want to do? How do you... do?

I imagine that this is part of executive dysfunction for a lot of people and that I do understand cause I get it episodically

But as someone who has an unironic 20+ year plan and lives "in the future" to an unhealthy degree, its baffling and beyond my understanding to have a limited ability to do so.

I could also ask the one or two parts that tend to front when our executive function is shot cause in the past they used to have that as well, but Im really curious what people outside of my brain have to say on this.

Id be more than willing to answer questions as the opposite extreme. I just like to compare and contrast seemingly opposite extremes of experiences

Anyone is encouraged to welcome to respond and bring in any thing they feel is relevant to the topic at hand.

[transmasc-saki]

Okok this post has been on my mind for daayyss and i never got the courage to post it in fear id get beat up by the system communiy or something idk (T_T). As someone whos been trying to become/create a system for almost a year now, i am nowhere near close... ╥﹏╥ But thats besides the point, i have three questions abt systems i could not find any info abt anywheree!! So if any system is willing to help out by answering to all or even one of these following questions i have!!! (≡^∇^≡)

1. How do alters communicate through messaging apps? (discord, the simply plural chat feature, etc.)

2. Ive seen one post that said: " Oh im fictionkin.. And also genderfluid.. Oh and sexuality fluid?? " Abt systems and it just stuck with me. Like,, what does this mean.. I mean i know but i dont know. Whatever uh if anyone knows what i mean explaining would be helpful!!! （┬┬＿┬┬）[link to the post is here]

3. Last and most important to me question, this is mainly for willogenic systems or systems who are mixed origin and willogenic. How did you create your alters/system? I know that willogenics have a completely different way from tulpamancy but i just cant find any resources for that way.

Thank you for listening to me being confused lolz, if you can answer any of these it would help alot!! (..∩ω∩..)

[hellenismrules]

I would just like to note that I used to openly work with Finnish and Nordic deities (specifically Loki, Garmr, Fenrir and Lempo) before I moved fully into Hellenism, so if anyone has any questions on other religions I can at least attempt to help 🤷‍♀️

In all honesty I mostly just started this blog to try and help new Hellenistic while also using this to sort of journal my own practices

I mainly use Tarot to communicate with the gods, and most of my knowledge is on the Chthonic Deities as I primarily work with them, though I do also work with Lord Zeus

He really likes my shiny tarot cards (yes that’s how I started working with him 💀)

Im an open book, and willing to answer any questions as long as they’re not super personal :)

[yurious-george]

4'33'', by John Cage, is commonly remembered as 4 and a half minutes of silence. But contrary to popular belief, the song is not actually meant to be the sound of silence, but the sound of quiet. Ambient noises contribute to - and consist of - the performance. True silence does not exist. If one tilts their head right, the whole world sings. and, with that said, a playlist.

yeah, this one's a doozy. hi, cubewatermelon and co. miss me?

rhetorical question. don't answer that.

A few nitty-gritty things out of the way, first. this is specifically intended for the 2018 mod team for the sleepless domain fans discord server, primarily cubewatermelon/mary cagle. Folks who knew me are welcome to look on, but I'm not going to do much to catch people up to speed. hi, everyone! hope you're well!

I also might be a bit disjointed or biased in my recollection. For reasons that will be made clear extremely soon, I can't put my childhood on a linear timeline. I can only express myself, and hope I don't mess it up horribly this time.

Noooowww to the big stuff. re: stalking; i genuinely didn't mean to stalk anyone, and when they told me to back off, i backed off. I am not willing to discuss this further. not being able to conceptualize other people's emotions or the consequences of my actions has caused some problems for me

that's an autism thing btw. im autistic i dont think i told anyone that

And now, the special guest you've all been waiting for: a big round of applause for the elephant in the room! In accordance with the WMA Declaration of Tokyo, the deliberate overprescription of psychotropic medication is a form of pharmacological torture. Most victims of pharmacological torture and experimentation are children, because it is nigh-impossible to sue for brain damage when there is no fully-formed adult brain for comparison prior to the abuse.

Torture is a strong word, but I don't have another word to use. psychiatric abuse usually describes mistreatment in psychiatric wards; pharmacological abuse describes a patient who takes advantage of a prescription; medical abuse is when a doctor (usually physically) abuses their patient. Being able to understand what happened to you is a form of agency, and I don't even have the words. I identify as a torture victim; this may change.

This high dose was precedented and legal, but the vaginal stretching of intersex infants is also legal. much involuntary psychiatric & psychotropic treatment (such as restraints and solitary confinement) are legal, and child marriage is legal. abuse is not abnormal: it is profoundly normal. Because something is normal, legal, and precedented does not prevent it from being torture.

and when your mother hands you a poison apple and says "here, eat this; it will be good for you; i hope someday you'll forgive me" you have to eat it, because you are eight years old and you don't get to argue with your mother. despite all this, I don't blame my aunt for refilling the high dose. when I said the dose was hurting me, she listened. (thank you, auntie. i wouldn't have gotten out without you.)

And this brings us to you. oh, you four. (five? i forget myself!)

I'd like to establish some context. I was used to things getting taken from me. friend groups in particular: I didn't expect to keep any friends, because I constantly expected to have to pack up and move on. I moved a lot in my childhood, and in Africa, i was constantly told that at some undetermined point in the near future, i'd have to go back to the states. living with my aunt was a temporary thing, i was expected to eventually move back in with my parents at some undetermined point in the future. I relied heavily on online friends because they were people I could have anywhere, so online communities were my only lifeline - not to mention, i was basically in solitary confinement while in Kenya.

Most of all, I was terrified of my mental health/actions being exposed, examined, found lacking, and ultimately excluded. (this is why i was so afraid of psychiatric wards.) When you decided something had to be done about me - cutting me off from the server so i had to speak with you - It was either comply with your demands to communicate (which I could not, and did not understand why) or lose the community. I was so, so afraid of you i wanted to die when you all confronted me, and of course i couldn't say that, because only manipulative people would say "your attempt to solve this problem makes me want to seriously hurt myself."

But then I got called manipulative anyway <3 yay <3

Seriously: I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone, and i have no idea how you can manipulate someone without intention. (ah, that felt good to say!) Between medication spellbinding, alexithymia, and prior abuse, all my thoughts were so disordered i genuinely couldn't explain myself most of the time. Looking back, I have no childhood memory where I was fully lucid. I leaned into a manic persona because it was the only way I had any agency at all. I was something beyond both reason and self-recognition, and I willingly tried to brute-force my way through an extreme trauma response to please you. And you still hit me with my worst nightmare. that's why i was mad at you lol

I was so, so afraid, all the time, and I didn't even have the tools to understand I was afraid. How could someone as confident and impulsive as me be so fearful all the time? Was that manic persona freedom? Or was it a longer leash?

(Forgive my impulse toward rhetoric. I shouldn't ask questions you can't answer.)

I also couldn't say how badly i was hurting, because that would be venting, but you also accused me of venting when I was just talking about my day? or what was on my mind? I didn't understand that very well. autism moment, don't bother explaining it now. I also couldn't burden people with my actual mental health problems, because making strangers deal with that would be toxic! I resent you for setting up a system where it seemed safest not to speak and then punishing me for my inability to communicate. I resent every system that set me up for failure and punished me for failing, including yours.

And yet - I know that was not your intent! I can see in retrospect how hard you tried to be kind using the tools you had. The people with power over me, who genuinely did not want to do me harm and gave me multiple second chances, still upheld and facilitated the systems that tortured me; a miniature parody of the psychiatric system. (talk therapy and communication are useless if you struggle with self-awareness.) The same is true for the source: No person in my psychiatric treatment wanted me to suffer, and yet, here I am: a torture victim without a torturer. (except my parents, sort of.)

The logical conclusion, then: the system only intends to heal those who are already compliant, or prioritize compliance. The rest of us are treated to induce compliance, and if we still cannot, we are sequestered away. My medicine made me sick, and my prescribers made money off of keeping me sick - off of my torture. This is not a conspiracy: it is my lived experience.

However, even if i could communicate perfectly, we still would have had massive communication issues. Like - you know that one page where ben and steffi talk about dating, and ben says he thought steffi was gay? and steffi gets super defensive and it escalates into a screaming fight? I found that offensive, because a character getting that offput by the concept of not liking men (or a man) is kind of lesbophobic! But I understood that it would be a pain to redraw/write the page so they they fight about something else, don't fight, or some other solution, so i didn't need it to be fixed - just wanted to point out that was a reasonable interpretation, and one to be aware of in the future. but somehow my concerns got interpreted as a phrasing issue…? like, Ms. Cagle rewrote the page to say "weren't into guys" instead of "gay"..? You were very polite about it, Ms! But I found this interaction so baffling I didn't even try to correct it. that… wasn't what i said…

frankly we should bring back mildly homophobic steffi. twas narratively appropriate (<- different essay for a different time)

but yeah the whole communication operation was doomed from the start. rip!

The issue was always my inability to communicate, but my meds made it nigh-impossible to understand what I was feeling, and when I did, expressing myself could get me institutionalized. My suffering was inevitable but always, somehow, my fault. Awesome! *disintegrates into a pile of sand*

I cannot deny I was a girl like a box of matches waiting to be struck. You had no choice but to do as you did. But is it really what you ought to have done? (On this, I have no answer. I hope you have one that satisfies you.)

(that was genuine, by the by. i've spent a lot of time pondering this mess, and I still haven't found the "right" answer. I don't think there is one - though action or inaction, there is no version of this story where I don't suffer. I can only hope it was worth it. wait, hold on *adds the omelas child to my Kin List*)

Nor can I deny making my previous open letter in a small attempt to 'get back' at you - i'm not above that. lord knows i'm not innocent. but i really was trying to channel that rage into something productive. unfortunately i was doomed to fail because i didn't know what i meant. if you showed me that letter now, you'd hear a lot of "what? I don't know why I said that" "i have no idea why i would complain about something so minor" etc. You can disregard all that. This is what I was trying to say. the obsession, the trauma, the projection: all of it. So much of my obsession was talking around an issue i couldn't identify.

(meguka image) I know now

I knew I would be traumatized by this whole situation. I saw it coming and i could do nothing to stop it. But Gear was crucial to deciphering all this - in fact, suddenly thinking about her last year prompted me to really dissect my medical situation and realize i was tortured. I couldn't have done it without her. cassie & maggie, against the world.

Gear scans surprisingly well as a victim of long-term torture, actually. I don't think you meant to do that but good job!

speaking of her - i still don't think she's consistently suicidal. she's a real cockroach of a character, and I love her for it! But sometimes, i want to die and i want to live mean the same thing, because they both mean i need to get out of here. Imo, her thought processes and desires frequently contradict themselves, like mine did. and making your favs kill themselves in increasingly gruesome ways is really fun catharsis!

But please don't take this to mean I consider myself - or Gear - blameless. I love her because she's not blameless, because she's cruel for fun, because she'd rather be wicked than helpless. Like knows like. What I mean to say is, as of 2018, there is a black space between little Margret and Gear, and I saw all the signs of something very, very bad happening in that space. I know because I shared that space. what I mean to say is, teenage girls don't go out of their minds over nothing. Everything I made here is just an expression of what I heard in the narrative's silences.

and thus my biggest apprehension around revisiting the comic. knowing the author and I have such fundamentally different experiences with mental health - what if the signs of torture i picked up on weren't intended, or i completely made them up? what if, in the parts i haven't read yet, there's information that uproots my entire interpretation, or berates her for refusing mental health services that hurt me profoundly? how do you reconcile that a character so crucial to deciphering yourself may not be anything like you at all? I Don't Know. Shitpost, probably

You're welcome to share those shitposts and whatnot by the way. Creating this let me put down years of hurt, and i hope it relieves you, too. I don't need to go back on the server, or forgiveness, or anything besides understanding. consider this a peace offering. the terms are yours.

Despite writing nearly 10k words, I still probably missed something or was callous or whatever. Self-expression and self-understanding are… new to me. My apology may be understated, but please take it as I meant it, with utmost sincerity. My askbox is open, and I'm more than happy to discuss antipsych resources, KB, What The Hell Is Wrong With Gear, artistic choices made in this comic, etc. I'm even down to reconnect on discord! Maybe. Uh, I'm conflicted. I reserve my right to not want to talk, be slow in responding, and so on, as should you. we've no obligations and all the time in the world. Let neither of us hurt ourselves in meeting because it's the "right" thing to do. I'm not blaming anyone or trying to start drama. If it would give you the most peace of mind to completely ignore this, please do so.

or, translated: as of right now, I'm not ready for any information about KB after steffi reunites with her dad, or difficult emotional reunions. I would really like to hear from everyone, and I'd appreciate casual well-wishes. I don't want things to be the same, I want them to be peaceful. Baby steps, cassie, baby steps. (very large and fearful prey animal tries not to run into oncoming traffic)

mostly, making this was for me. Perhaps I've said too much, but after spending so long unable to express myself freely, my art was cathartic and necessary. I'm no one's martyr or innocent, I'm just a torture victim trying to make sense of it all. I want to articulate some thoughts I couldn't figure out how to say before and make some silly things that make people laugh. Most of all, I'm happy in ways I never thought I could be, and I would like to share that joy with old acquaintances and other fans of a story I adored.

What I mean to say is: The train's about to leave the station, and there's an empty seat beside me. The train will still leave whether or not you board; but I would be honored not to go it alone!

Thank you to everyone who stuck by me even after the drama. Ethel, Felipe, Chris - even though we've fallen out of contact, your kindness and patience meant more than i can say. special thank you to @stars-in-a-jam-jar, the first person i confessed everything to after the smoke cleared, and someone i consider myself close with no matter how long we fall out of contact. My close online friends, @shafpanda, @theoandmoon, @dvanaestmrva, my honorary cousin @my-name-is-jimmy, and everyone else I confided in about my torture. and, of course, my partners @transloo and @teenyjellyfishy, and my little sibling, @aroacenezhaanddainsleif, the three people I love most in the world. Thank you, all. it is an honor to love you, and be loved by you.

[squipdop]

But doesn't he want to become a god specifically to be the one Actually Good God that doesn't turn people away and instead helps them? His intentions with godhood are much different than Astarion's with ascension.

GREAT question! lets see if i can answer in a way thats coherent (Challenge: Hard). first things first: this is obviously all influenced by how *i* read these characters, and how *i* think their stories would go given the circumstances (plus a bit of what id *like* to see because a) player choice has a lot of influence on character development and b) these guys are all dolls in my playhouse and i like to have fun)

so; i do believe gale truly consciously *wants* to be an Actually Good God. im not at all arguing against that - i simply believe he would not actually *be* one. for one because i dont think any God can actually be purely Good, not from the mortals point of view, and especially not a God of a domain such as *Magic*? and how long can you listen to and help your worshippers, how long can you be patient and a just teacher and ruler, when you are so much above them? when you have so much more power than them, so much more knowledge, so much more time. not to mention anyone contesting your power or domain, mortal or otherwise.

pair this with gale not always being quiet as Good as he likes to think of himself as - he does not disapprove of astarions plans of ascension, he can stay with you after the goblin raid, he is fully willing to sacrifice not *only himself, but also your entire party and everyone in the vicinity the size of a city* for mystras forgiveness "the greater good" (MINI philosophical ramblings here, because thats another intresting angle but this is already getting long enough: yes, even in the name of the greater good, he is in this moment making the decision of sacrifice not only for himself, but for a WHOLE bunch of people without their consent or consideration.) this perhaps is a personal gripe with this flavor of utilitarism, but just think how this would scale onto near limitless power.

another aspect i personally see in gales want for godhood is his desire to feel worthy. i mentioned this in my tags earlier already, but i read gale in the "gifted kid who knows hes smart but still never feels quite enough to be worth loving" way? and just constantly trying to prove that - without ever being able to attain it, and as a God, who would even be there to hand out this approval? "am i worth loving yet" is just a question you cannot recieve a satisfying affirmation to if you dont trust others to make the call

as for comparison with astarion... i think astarions base desire for ascension comes from a need to feel *safe*, which he believes he can only attain through power over others. this is where im drawing my comparisons: astarions desire for power => safety, and gales desire for power => worthiness; both think power (ascension, godhood) could give them what they want, when this is simply untrue - astarion will not ever feel truly safe if he does not let himself heal and move on, and gale will never truly feel worthy enough if he does not detach his self worth from others approval (and his use to others)

in my post i specifically mentioned them in a relationship bc i love me some unhealthy bloodweave, and i think this is one of the most toxic ways they could be together, especially if theyre both hopelessly devoted to each other... (dreamy sigh) but i think this answer is already long enough so ill cut it off here

TL;DR: i think gale *wants* to be an actually Good God. i just do not think him capable.

[apheliia]

hiii aphe i wanted to ask this before i lost the courage so here goes lol

i rlly wanna start writing fics with canon characters and maybe try joing the painfullg small platonic genshin x reader community, but im both for some reasons too embarrassed to write (dont ask i genuinely dont know why, and its only for writing, i love sharing my art) and im not too sure where to start. so i was wondering if you had any advice on how to start writing/tips for writing in general?

HI HELLO of course i have tips 🤭🙏 i won't ask why you feel that way, but i will tell you that feeling like that is really common among emerging writers. it's something i've seen quite often so you're definitely not alone in feeling that way! now, as for my advice...

even if you think it's bad, do your best to get all your thoughts out and onto your page or document. get a beta reader if you're especially concerned about conventions (but don't stress about it too much). this is the phase of writing that i like to call the word vomit phase; nothing makes sense to anyone other than you at this point and that's exactly how it is meant to be. it's important that you don't fixate on your sentences too deeply in this beginning phase because then you might lose motivation, so worry about corrections later down the line in editing.

figure out what point of view feels most comfortable for you. especially important if you plan on joining the reader-insert community. are you a second person pov ("you/yours") kind of writer, as most are? or do you prefer third person pov ("they/theirs/she/hers/he/his")? it just kind of helps to know what you feel most comfortable with, i think, because then you can practice with that and later work on venturing outside of your comfort zone.

write often. one sentence or one hundred sentences a day. it doesn't matter, but write, and do it often. don't feel pressured to actually finish anything all that often, but make sure you're at least adding a few words here and there in a project of yours as often as possible.

read often. this is equally as important as writing often. identify what you like the most about others' writing styles and try to reflect that in your own writing. no, it isn't copying and yes, it is perfectly acceptable; this is how the most talented writers (and even artists in general imo?) learn—through observation. anyone who says otherwise doesn't know what they're talking about fr. 🙏

try to join networks once you're more comfortable posting your writing. hypocritical ass tip, to be honest, because i've recently been having a shy streak making it hard for me to work up the confidence to join new networks... but nevertheless, do as i say, not as i do. networks are a good place to find community and you might even find people who are willing to offer constructive criticism that helps you improve!

have patience and keep practicing. you may or may not be satisfied with the quality of your writing at first, and it's okay if you aren't, but it's important to not be discouraged by that and to keep working at it. there may also be periods where you just don't like your writing at all; it happens to the best of us and it's important to try not to get too frustrated with yourself over it.

character studies are important. get to know the character or characters you are writing for. it's good to look at voice lines or dialogue to see how they talk and act. it helps a lot, i think! and it helps even more to explore their character in your writing. what motivates them? what are they afraid of? why are they the way they are? important questions to answer, and answering them will help you get to know the character you're writing about.

overall, posting writing is just like sharing art. you'll have to have patience when it comes to finding your target audience (...it has taken me FOREVER and my "target audience" is lowkey just my mutuals tbh) and finding your people, but you will eventually.

[nukaberries]

Ahh im so happy to find a blog that writes new vegas! I got into it recently and its so fun! Sometimes i get tired of hearing the radio especially if im travelling way too much, so i just start singing any song that pops into my head or talk to the companions like they're real pfft

im also way too cheery for my own good lmao, game devs knew what they were doing when there was no push button for running, you know how many times i ran into mines and kept running 🧍🏽

I kinda wanna know how the companions would react to that? A Courier who practically bounces as they walk and if its not the radio or them talking to fill the silence, its them singing as they shoot radscorpions !! Couriers not half bad at singing either! They mostly sing quietly while walking the mojave for obvious reasons but on a night they feel especially safe, they'll be singing so well people will wonder why they're not making holotapes for mr new vegas to play (esp if they say the radio gets annoying at times)im sorry this is long im just excited to see a new vegas writer that hasnt left their blog 🤧

I'm SO late to this one, I'm so sorry! But I'm so glad you're enjoying New Vegas! It's tied with Red Dead Redemption 2 as one of my favourite video games! And I'm exactly the same when I play New Vegas, the radio's never off and I have no spatial awareness. I hope this was worth the wait!! (Sorry again lmao)

//

Companions React to a Loud/Chatty Courier (Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)

Arcade Gannon Admittedly, he's a little intimidated at first. He agrees to go with the Courier since there's no point in him sticking around Freeside where he's not helping anyone. He just doesn't realise he's taken up with the most obnoxious person in the West. He's not annoyed by any means, in fact, the singing is actually quite a nice change from the radio. The constant talking is a little overwhelming for him at first though, as someone whose trying his best to keep his past with the Enclave a secret. He knows the Courier means no harm, and he feels a little guilty having to shut down their questions about him, knowing that they only mean well. They do bring out a different side to him he didn't know he had and he sometimes finds himself humming along to either the radio or Six's singing.

Craig Boone At first, he's annoyed by the Courier, but it's not like he has anything better to do. They're his best chance at wiping out the Legion, even if their incessant talking and singing is a little too much for him. He doesn't have a problem with them, but he prefers silence to having to begrudgingly answer someone who talks at a million miles per hour. The only time he'll really voice his complaints is when he actually needs them to be quiet, such as if they're trying to stealthily take out enemies, thankfully the Courier seems to know when to turn off their radio and stop singing. Eventually, the constant chatter and the singing - that he'll never admit is actually enough to rival the radio songs - become background noise he learns to appreciate. He'll never join in with the Courier's singing, but he tries his best to answer their questions and respond to their comments.

Rose of Sharon Cassidy Cass is another one who can't stand the Courier's chatter and singing at first, however, she's more than willing to voice this. A few times, she actually hid the Courier's Pip-Boy while they slept, unfortunately for Cass, they'd already memorised all the lyrics to Johnny Guitar and sung that on repeat for most of the day. It was starting to reach the point where Cass was certain they were doing it on purpose. The singing she hated, but the talking? She didn't mind the talking. In fact, Cass actually looked forward to the talking, she often struggled to make friends, considering her problems with whiskey, so it was nice to just make conversation sometimes. Sure, she'd still keep trying to put an end to the singing, no matter how good it was, but the talking Cass could live with.

Lily Bowen The first time Lily started travelling with the Courier, she was thrilled. Everyone in Jacobstown took life a little too seriously and being with the Courier was a refreshing change for her. Unlike most of the other companions, Lily actually loves the singing and the talking. She'll even suggest that the Courier tries their hand at singing on the Strip, the Tops and the Atomic Wrangler are always looking for new acts after all. Lily will even try and sing along with them, before realising her voice doesn't exactly compliment or rival the Courier's, but so long as they encourage to join in, she always will. The talking is just as lovely for her, it's nice to know that the Courier still cares about their grandma, even if they are growing up so fast.

Raul Tejada Never in all his years of being alive has he met someone like the Courier. It was one thing that they managed to deal with Tabitha, but the fact that they did it with Radio New Vegas playing on full blast from their Pip-Boy? Raul wasn't sure whether to be impressed or absolutely terrified. He leans more towards the latter once he starts travelling with them, struggling to keep up with the Courier constantly asking him questions about where he's from and what his life was like before the war and how he turned ghoul. Like Arcade, Raul finds it overwhelming and eventually asks politely if the Courier can calm down a little with all the questions, thankful when they actually oblige. He learns to love the Courier in spite of their loud habits, even being happy to fix their Pip-Boy when it stops letting them connect to the radio stations. It's against his better judgement, but they seem grateful for it.

Veronica Santangelo She immediately bonds with the Courier over their love for Radio New Vegas. Veronica wishes she had her own Pip-Boy so she could listen to the radio in her own free time, since lugging a radio around the Mojave Desert doesn't seem like the best idea. She absolutely loves the Courier's singing too, insisting that they don't forget her once they make it big in some bar in New Reno. She also tries her best to be the Courier's backup singer when wandering the wasteland, however, she accidentally stumbles up on a lot of her lyrics and trying to pronounce "Agua Fria" at the start of Big Iron quickly becomes the bane of her existence. Veronica also loves to gossip with the Courier, about her love life - and the Courier's if they're willing to disclose it - and all her least favourite things about her commanding officers in the Brotherhood. Whenever she travels with Six, Veronica manages to get a lot of off her chest

[taeiris]

if I’ve already sent this ask before I’m so sorry, I’ve got adhd, but how did you find your art? (I’m in my questioning phase)

hihi!!! no problem! i think i have some kind of glitch with asks bc when i go look for them it says i have 3, but when i check it, there isn’t any so im sorry if any of u have ever sent asks and i havent answered them it’s probably bc of that😭

but anyways lets get on it!

finding you art style is not smth simple at ALL. ive been drawing my entire life!!! and ive had a bunch of different styles until now, they kinda used to change every few months or so, i was always happy with them but it never really lasted??? and i always had at least one part of the process of it to dread doing, for example, coloring.

it wasn’t until recently i FINALLLYYY found a style im 100% comfortable in.

it really takes experimenting and finding what elements of creating art you love and enjoy the most. for me, i used to mostly do traditional art, just pencil or ink sketching and i would OCCASIONALLY color them. so i really used to enjoy kinda the messiness of the pencil on trad mediums and stuff? and i never rlly found a way to translate that element to digital art which is the one i enjoy the most now.

brushes are very important! it depends on the look you like. since i like that pencil feel, i use a pencil looking brush! (softy from esbenlash’s procreate brush set) and i also got a paper feel screen protector for my ipad to enhance the experience🔥

i found i mostly enjoyed doing lineart and didnt rlly look forward to coloring, i didnt find my past styles enjoyable bc they kind of felt restricting in that area? since i didnt find a way to make it more abt the lineart and less abt coloring that i liked (ofc theres plenty! i just didnt find one for me)

so tbh i think what mostly influenced the style i enjoy the most now is film, and baroque art!

i had recently seen:

Crimson Peak (2015)

The Shape of Water (2017)

and ofc

Stranger Things DUHHHHH

and i fell in love with the way the lightning was, heavy dark shadows and moody lights, and tried to match my style to it and found that it highlighted all the things i enjoy doing the most while drawing! so thats where i am now

special mention to the one movie im obsessed with currently

The Crow (1994)

also has the similar style

all that + experimenting, studying other’s art i liked and finding elements to integrate to my art, ANDDD music also played a huge part in it. so as you can see for me its about kind of combining aspects of every single piece of media i like 😭

its not gonna be the same for everyone, but its always good to have a guide so i hope this was useful for you and anyone else! im always willing answer any art questions :)

don’t worry too much about speeding up finding your style, it’ll come to you eventually, so focus on enjoying the moment and learning, take mental notes of what you like and don’t like!

sorry this is kinda long as hell… but i like rambling

[stormblessed95]

Addressing Everything

So by now, most of you have probably seen all the drama that is occurring for the past week. I've been aware of it since it started. I haven't said anything as I was hoping it would die down on its own, but that's clearly not happening.

Mrs-monaghan, along with a few others do not like me. She thinks I'm toxic, a bully, forcing people to agree with me or get blocked, etc. I don't regret my choice to block people when I block them, and I will continue to utilize the block button whenever I feel the need to. I will say that I am not blocking anyone for a difference of opinion. I'm blocking someone when I feel the need to remove their posts or comments from the content I consume on this site, my content is part of that consumption and interaction i have on here. I am a believer in curating your timeline to best fit you. That is what I'm using the block button for. I don't want to see hateful posts, I don't need people in my comments calling me names either for my opinion. I've always been willing to agree to disagree and a lot of the times, the comment section in my posts over more "controversial" topics shows that.

Alot has been claimed about me being different in DMs than I am on the timeline. I don't think that's true. I'm usually more willing to discuss things more in depth and have a more lengthy back and forth discussion over a topic in DMs than I am in an anon ask. But that is something I've also made clear in many of my posts. I also do generally curse more in my language as its vernacular that i use a lot in my daily life and ill have more typos/be less polished. Which I think is fair during a less formal conversation. I am also more than willing to post Screenshots of my DM history with Mrs-monaghan if anyone feels the need to see them since that has been a sticking point for her. I don't mind. I dont want to, but not because im worried about it, but because i didnt/dont feel the need to continually fan the flames of all of this or fight with her about it. She is entitled to not like me and i dont need to try to convince anyone otherwise.

I don't think anyone should be name calling when addressing another blogger and if the name wasn't intended to be derogatory, then it could be changed when making future comments about them, now that other people have gotten involved. I do think that should be said. Call me what you want, but if a mean idc about you nickname is derogatory in nature and it's not intended to be, maybe come up with something else. But honestly, none of this is really the point of my post here right now.

I've seen all the mean posts being made and sent in about me after I said I would start blocking people for shady posts against Tae (shady, not critical or questioning, but posts that were rude and mean in nature.) And honestly, that's fine. I cannot control what other people think or how they feel about me. They are all entitled to those opinions and feelings. I wont lie that i was a little surprised at some of the people who participated in these posts and signed off on them. But thats okay.

I did not and still do not want people going to her blog or any of the others who have said things to defend me or shame anyone in anyway. Losing followers if people believe their posts is okay. I've never been here for the numbers. I can't control what people do or say about me and I don't want to. If people end up not liking me because of that, that's honestly okay. I don't need people Bullying (in anyway you want to consider the word) anyone in defense of me. I don't appreciate that. If i get an ask and I answer it with my opinion and it disagrees with other peoples, that's where I want that to end. I don't need anyone telling other bloggers I'm right and they are wrong. It's all just opinions in the end. I've never wanted anyone to use my posts as a way to argue with other people. Everyone can choose to engage and interact with the content on here that they choose and how they choose to do so.

I do just want anyone else here to know that if I have offended or upset anyone on here, I am always willing to talk about it. My DMs have been open for that reason. I am willing to agree to disagree if that energy is also returned. I'm willing to bend on a lot honestly. I won't apologize for blocking the people who have been interacting with posts that are hateful to me or about how they don't like me. That is something I am doing for my own mental well being and safety. I don't need people who actively dislike me around me. And I think that is fair.

That's all. Just if anyone is making more posts or going to plan to send in asks, I'm asking you not to and to let it go. I don't need to change anyone's mind about me. They are free to not like me as much as they want. That's okay. I don't need anyone defending me.

Thank you for reading if you got this far. If you choose to unfollow, that's fair and totally up to you. I hope everyone has a good day.

[spiderboi-parker]

hey im officially working on a 'family tree' of sorts for every blog involved in this rp group so would you mind telling me who your characters are connected to and where theyre living with tags so I can keep everything organized? Connection list is: Parent/child Grandparent/grandchild Great grandparent/great grandchild Siblings Dating Married/engaged pibling/nibling (gender neutral terms for aunt/uncle and niece/nephew)

(repeating this for all the blogs you run would be appreciated)

if you have any questions just ask!

(apologies if this has been sent multiple times. if youve already answered i likely lost the information due to disorganization that i'm currently dealing with)

@thedcrpfamilytree

[OOC: Lol it's fine, this gives me a chance to say LOREEEEEEE]

[OOC edit: Okay so I wasn't very clear, I'm friends/found family with all the rp blogs I'm involved with! Also sorry I didn't tag you- @thedcrpfamilytree ]

[Other OOC edit: Forgot to mention, these brackets mean me, the author/account runner, is speaking. I can be interacted with like the fourth wall!]

This is Peter Benjamin Parker. I'm the one and only Spider-Man. Well, of my universes.

I originate from Earth-616, the "Sacred Timeline". This is where all other universes in my multiverse stem from. I'm the kid of the Avengers, 14 years old (28, depending on the blog I'm talking to! Interactions with adult romance interests mean I'm 28!), and I travel the multiverse! I'm Tony Stark's son figure and protégé, but I work with the Batfamily as well. Here's where things get tricky. I don't have a Batfamily in my universe- I go to other universes. Depending on the universe, my relationship with any Batfamily member will be different. [OOC: The Avengers are like his family, Tony being the dad, Natasha being the mom, and the rest being aunts and uncles. Yes, that includes Wanda.]

I have a lot of adventures, and a lot of different friends and family! Giving the phone to older me lol

Hi, this is Peter. Blah blah blah, yeah I'm Spider-Man, hi. There's a lot of different versions of me that are 28, like myself, that have different universes. There's only one small us. Be nice to him. I'm Earth-616 Peter, I'm single and work full time as an Avenger.

I'm Peter, also from Earth-616, but another timeline. I'm dating Wade Wilson (DEADPOOL) and work full-time as Spider-Man. Repeating what the Peter above me said, be nice to little us!

Hey, another Peter, another Earth-616 timeline. I'm Spider-Man and dating Johnny Storm. Be nice to little us. [BRO FORGOT TO SAY HE'S NOT A FANTASTIC FOUR MEMBER💀]

Hey! I'm Peter, don't know my Earth number, but I live in Gotham and work with the Batfamily! I'm not dating anyone. (Peter dating Wade here, he forgot to mention he's Spider-Man. Lol)

Another Peter in Gotham, also Spider-Man, I'm a part of the Batfamily, and Tim and Duke are my best friends! (Adult Peter who's not dating anyone, he forgot to say that he's 16. He originated in Earth-616, but he's in the Dark Matter timeline. [OOC: Minus the murder.]) (Shut up, [REDACTED]) [OOC: Nuh uh. Also I don't role-play as him yet, if you want to hit me up!] (Stop advertising your blog) [No I want friends]

I'm Peter Benjamin Parker, aka Spider-Man. I live in Metropolis and I'm friends with Clark Kent and the Batfamily. Hey guys! [OOC: Also another yet to be role-played character. He's 28, very polite, and always lived in Metropolis. He's single. I forgot to mention, please interact with my main Peter {14, Earth-616} the most! And clarify what Peter you're role-playing with OOC before you make your post so I know what to use! Always willing to make a new AU! NO STARKER, EVER. I'VE BLOCKED ALL ACCOUNTS OF IT IVE SEEN ON MY FYP. DNI IF YOU SHIP THAT, YOU DISGUST ME. *Throat clearing* Alright, now that that's done, bye guys! Say bye Peters!]

Bye guys!

Bye!

Bye everyone!

See ya!

See you later!

See you all soon!

Goodbye everyone! Have a good day!

[deathbxnny]

Hi there! So remember the Memory Devil idea i showed you two days ago (i think?), what if CSM character (Aki, Himeko, and Denji) have a s/o who made a contract with the Memory Devil.

More context on the reader:

In exchange for the ability to force anyone to relive their darkest and worstest memory the target have, the reader had to give up their own memory. So everyday they wake up, they will forget what they did before waking up and until the end of the day, they will still have memory what they did that day but then forget about it the next day (I hope that make sense). Because of this, the reader made a note with the general information about themselves and what they are supposed to do today and a diary to write down what they did at the end of the day.

Ever since the reader made a contract with the Memory Devil, they become forgetful about minor things (like when to eat or where they put their jacket) and a bit airheaded. Because of this, they assigned someone to be their partner to help them as even though with the traits i just mentioned, they are still a massive powerhouse (they can fight due to body memory). And that someone are the characters i requested.

So what does their partner/lover think about the Memory Devil they have a contract with?

How does the characters feel that despite forgetting about them everyday, the reader would always fall in love with them again whenever they see their partner/lover?

Im excited to see on how you will make this request, please remember to take care of yourself and have a good day/night!

- Flower Anon 🌸

-----♡

A/N: So I'm going to assume that you meant "Himeno" and not "Himeko" in your ask, so I hope I got it right lol. Also thank you for the request and I hope you'll like this! The idea is definitely very interesting!<33

Content: Established relationship, memory loss, light angst, fluff, hurt/comfort elements, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Himeno

Himeno always just assumed that you were a natural airhead, when she first met you. She didn't mind your forgetfulness however and was willing to keep reminding you of things, if needed be. Everyone had their quirks after all and Himeno saw no point in judging you for it.

With that said, she found the way you fought very impressive, considering how bad your memory always was. After finding out about the devil contract you were in, things began making more sense, but she still didn't judge you for it. Not that she was in a real position for it anyways.

When she's in a relationship with you, she takes on your bad memory with a playful demeanor. Knowing that you'll always love her, even beyond your constant memory loss, just spurs her on to make every day memorable, despite the fact that you'll forget about it the next anyways. But that's alright, she'll write it all down for you to read about later on.

-----♡

》Aki

At first, your forgetfulness was irritating to him. He had to slow down, take things easy, wait for you to follow along. It was annoying... until it wasn't. Until he began enjoying the calmness, that your memory loss brought with it. Aki sometimes wonders, if that's what made him fall for you.

He always reminded you to write important things down, always looking over your shoulder to make sure you were writing it down right. Things you couldn't remember, he certainly memorised. He knew everything about you. Every single detail. If you ever had any questions, then he'll be sure to answer them perfectly.

Aki accepts your devil contract as something you chose to do and doesn't judge you for it. But deep down he wonders if you'll remember him, once he's gone. He hopes you don't, that you just simply move on like nothing happened and don't question the emptiness in your heart. He also hopes that you never notice how he keeps his existence out of your diaries and notes, in hopes of one day just being an unfamiliar shadow to you.

-----♡

》Denji

Denji is confused by your forgetfulness at first and often wonders what exactly made you this way. Though ultimately, he just shrugs it off and accepts it, writing it off as you just being an airhead. Your devil contract doesn't even ever come into question either, because hey, who is he to judge? Although it does irk him a little, whenever you forget about him. Which is why he made you write down plenty of notes about him just in case.

Denji just goes with the flow and reminds you of the mundanest things with ease, if he has to. He doesn't really care and might even like that you need him in some aspects. But he's certainly in awe when he sees you fight. He'll be cheering you on, telling you to kick the enemies ass, whilst completely forgetting to fight himself. He'll also point you in the right direction, if you randomly forget where the enemy was.

He'll be really offended the first time you forget him, before he eventually just makes you read through all of your notes every morning, just so that you'll know who your dear boyfriend is. He's flattered that you always fall back in love with him every time though and considers himself quite lucky for it. Even if you won't remember the great days with him, he certainly will for the rest of his life.

-----♡

A/N: I hope this was alright! Thank you again for the request, Flower Anon!<33

[imustbenuts]

How do you handle how low key racist toward Japan a lot of fandom is in favor of shoving only American cultural viewpoints into things? I'm so tired...

hm.... a loaded question. short answer for how i handle this:

I don't.

i just. don't. i don't even try to process what i know for sure is a bad take at all, and i make it a point to curate my online spaces as much as possible.

(or at least, i do on very very rare occasions if i feel arsed enough to hop on my keyboard to smashing out a more educated post about it based on my own understanding. more on this in a bit.)

if i go into a fandom tag and i see rampant nonsense, such as during the 1st two months of fire emblem engage's release or some incredible pumpkin spice latte takes, and i feel like it's just too much bc im getting angry, i just disengage. i might read if i feel like it, but if its too hostile i don't add to the conversation. i leave. i don't pass go bc i have waaaay better things to do than potentially engage in a conversation im already not happy to have.

in some occasions i even block. if i feel like someone is being a dipshit in the posts i make with their tags even, i block.

and i suspect im not the only one. how often do you see asians who reside outside of the west actively partake in fandom discussions? its such a drain of energy when it goes bad. most asians are working faaaaar longer hours than the average westerner in the average office setting. i mean, fuck, man. if i want to have fun, im not coming to a place i know i wont be having much. (ofc we are all having it bad. the point is: limited energy is a big factor for why going against the general set consensus is a bad idea)

i've been dealing with this for the past 10 years. minimum. it has always been like this. it has ever always been like this everywhere.

soooome fandoms are chiller than others for sure. but i dont actively participate in fandoms bc: im tired and my attention hops all over the place.

im ALSO gonna drag proship antis DNI into this ramble bc i believe strongly this culture is an evolution of the old 'your fave is problematic' culture mixed with puritanism culture and i hate it. i hate it bc it gets applied to everywhere, even in a japanese/asian culture space where people in fandoms are generally more "you stay in your lane i stay in mine, we're all freaks, just dont break any laws or be terrible". understand that east asian society in general is collective compared to western's more individualistic one, which reinforces that lane thinking. so all these high moral showing-off is just a big pissing contest to me.

in fact its such a pissing contest i actively refuse to follow people who have DNIs in their profiles. id have more respect for those who can say 'i dont like xyz, its not my cup of tea'. its a normal response, i think.

and im done ranting about my personal feelings :v. some practical advice from my dumb of ass:

a person knows what they know

a person doesnt know what they dont know (ignorance)

a person cannot be taught what they dont want to know (willful ignorance)

a willfully ignorant person is not anyone's job to directly fix. only they can check themselves.

hostility begets more hostility. anger is an addictive emotion. block and move on if someone is consistently being annoying/a pos online, its not worth the mental bandwidth

a person wants to know what they know they don't know (curiosity)

if theres something educational worth sharing that can be communicated in a digestible way, it is sometimes worth it. people like reading, but more importantly, communicating. be that with the OP or their own group.

and also, im not immune to any of the behaviors i dont like above myself. there are also limits in what i know. :v hypocritical of me lmao

[dubiiousfood]

Hi Ari! PLEASE can I hear more about the Popstar / Bodyguard AU? :D I'm so excited for that one!!!

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED! it's sort of similar to the BotW plot but really quite different.

But the plot is: Zelda is a famous pop singer who rose to fame really fast. During on of her shows there was an incident that had a few people around her concerned for her safety. Soo, idk if i need to explain this part hehe but a certain blue eyed hylian eventually becomes her bodyguard... Then fans go all crazy about him because he's apparently really cute (even though he hasnt been seen much in public) AND people are making speculations about he and Zelda's relationship, whether they have one or not... This is Zelink sooo must I say more??? 😉 they struggle a bit with the rumors and stuff and navigate their odd relationship somehow....

Anyways, that's about as much as im willing to spill, If i can write maybe 6-7 chapters, This project will be published !! Thank you so much for asking! @linktheacehero I hope this answers your question as well!!

also if anyone has any ideas for a name for this fic, LMK!!