#also idk if this post is like. making the ideas coherent the way they are in my mind.

[velociraptorsaurusrex]

forgive me if this exact posts exists somewhere already I feel like it certainly could. but the thing about dtamhd is that the fantasy of removing the heart is not actually “violent.” he removes a man’s heart but does it with no great force; the man does not die or even react; there is a stillness and peace and even gentleness to that scene. I just do not believe Dennis engages with this fantasy on the level of “violence.”

by the same token Dennis does not see remaking & strictly controlling & criticizing the self as “violent” — he sees these things through a clinical lens, with a sense of cold necessity, and even with that gentleness — it’s what needs to be done, and it’s a kindness to do it. he additionally does not truly have a “beauty is pain/suffering” mindset because he perceives the control, restriction, & criticality, again, not as violence — but in this case a more neutral type of “effort.” he believes successfully performing this “effort” begets the “reward” of beauty/perfection.

in conclusion I ultimately do not believe dtamhd serves as definite evidence that Dennis relishes in the fantasy of or materially desires violence, because in his mind it is not “violence” the way we perceive it.

[aromanticasterisms]

As anyone who has ever listened to me talk about Lightning Gods for 2 seconds knows, I personally am not too fond of the Thunder Legion backstory we got from it. Partially because I am a childhood friends Thunder Legion truther, but mostly because I didn’t agree with the characterization choice that had them decide to follow Laxus after…that.

But I understand why it is the way it is, and more than that, I can see now that it does a fairly decent job at using what little space and time there was available to tie into the main focus of the story of Lightning Gods. Namely, Laxus’s and the Thunder Legion’s views on strength, the trust that all of them have in each other, and how that manifests in different ways.

Let’s begin with an overview on the Thunder Legion’s obsession with strength and duty, where it came from, and how it has changed forms over time.

The backstory for the Thunder Legion proposed in Lightning Gods is this:

Freed, Bickslow, and Evergreen team up to take on a job, only to find when they get there that Laxus has already finished it on a whim. They exchange some harsh words, and not long after they descend into a fight. Laxus beats them easily, and the three of them are awed and frightened by his strength and power.

Laxus, meanwhile, surprises them by complimenting them […sort of] on being the strongest guild members he’s seen in a long time, in giving him a good fight.

This event is what inspires the three of them decide to band together to form the Thunder Legion—a team dedicated to watching Laxus’s back. It is also the event that sets up their mentality further down the line: physical and magic strength are the most desirable traits one can have, and by continuing to be strong and interesting, they are allowed to stand by Laxus’s side.

Cut to years later, when the most obvious culmination of the Thunder Legion’s obsession with strength takes place: the Battle of Fairy Tail.

The entire point of the game is to weed out the weak from the strong, to create a stronger guild for Laxus to inherit. On his orders, the Thunder Legion are utterly merciless to anyone they deem weaker than themselves.

At first, this seems like purely blind loyalty, but as time goes on, we get a glimpse that it might be more than that. Specifically, right after Evergreen’s loss, we see that the standing the Thunder Legion has with Laxus isn’t a whole lot more solid than the rest of the guild, right now.

The moment Evergreen is beaten by Erza, Laxus re-categorizes her in his mind from strong to weak, and is ready to discard her, saying that he doesn’t need her in his Fairy Tail.

Freed expresses that he or Bickslow should have gone instead—not that Evergreen is weak, not that they don’t need her, but that Erza is simply too strong, and they should have sent someone better suited to counter her.

He then tells Laxus that the game is over, the battle lost, and Laxus tells him that unless he is willing to do exactly as he says with no hesitation, Laxus doesn’t need him in his guild either.

After this exchange, we now know that the Thunder Legion are only standing beside Laxus because they are strong. If they are weak, if they falter in their duties, they will be abandoned, discarded, and replaced.

The three of them are beaten, the game is lost, and Laxus is exiled. They slowly begin to settle back into the guild, to reconnect and mend bridges. But that obsession with strength and duty that the Thunder Legion has cultivated has not completely gone away—merely changed forms.

After all, few of their guild mates can stop themselves from commenting on how ridiculously strongthe Thunder Legion are. Many of them saw their magical strength firsthand, so the three of them are desperate to prove that their abilities can be put to good use.

When it comes to fighting strength, their mindset is one of protecting their guild mates no matter the personal cost. For Freed and Bickslow, we tend to see this manifest outwardly, as continually attempting to sacrifice themselves for their loved ones. For Evergreen, we see this manifest more as an internal struggle, as blaming herself for not being strong enough, and thinking that her lack of ability is what causes others to be hurt.

When Freed is selected to take place in the S-Class trials, with Bickslow as his partner, the two of them are paired up against Lucy and Cana. They proceed to throw the fight in the girls’ favor, allowing them to move forward. Freed says he owes it to the two of them specifically, after what happened in the Battle of Fairy Tail.

Later, when Evergreen and Elfman are targeted by Rustyrose and defeated by him, Evergreen blames herself for not being strong enough, and says that if it weren’t for her, if Elfman had picked a different partner, he may have been able to succeed.

In the Key of the Starry Sky arc, Bickslow throws himself in the way of an attack to save Wendy, and even insists that she should abandon him and save herself—abandoning a comrade who is nothing more than dead weight is still a viable strategy in his eyes.

“Sometimes you gotta have the courage to leave your friends behind too!”

However, unlike Laxus [who I’ll talk about later], the Thunder Legion largely understands that there are different types of strength. Laxus judged himself and others using solely fighting strength as a metric, but the guild as a whole requires a more diverse skill set to deal with a range of day-to-day issues, which the Thunder Legion commit to their comrades with just as much enthusiasm.

Freed’s mission with Wendy is a good example of this. The Master—and Cana, of all people, who Freed feels he has a personal debt to—entrusts not only Wendy’s safety to him, but also her growth and development as a mage. He follows the rules set by them to the utmost of his abilities, even having a minor crisis when his two duties conflict, and he doesn’t know which course of action is the right one to take.

When there is a clear course of action, though, he’s quick to take it, utilizing his runes and his blade for all manner of things that have nothing to do with fighting.

At one point during the journey, Happy comments:

“That’s the Thunder Legion for you! Always there in a time of need!”

It’s clear that by this point, they have already established a reputation for being incredibly reliable and dependable, despite the fact that this is quite soon after the Battle of Fairy Tail, and the three of them rarely spent time in the guild hall beforehand.

These feelings of needing to be strong and useful so people keep them around linger on even past Fairy Tail’s disbanding, into Lightning Gods. The three of them are incredibly eager to be helpful to Laxus.

Evergreen reinforces this when they step up to destroy the Vesper Blockade Mirror for the first time:

“Let’s show them why you keep us around.”

She says this in tandem with Bickslow, who says Laxus won’t enjoy destroying an object. The three of them step forward to do work that, they assume, Laxus would find tedious or boring.

Not long after they figure out how to destroy the mirror, the priestess Weyse shows her true colors as a Zeref fanatic, and takes on the powers of the demon God of Nightfall.

The God of Nightfall is, quote:

“…a type of magic that shows people illusions of the doubts and fears…and traumas…they carry deep inside.”

To torment the Thunder Legion in the illusion, Weyse begins with this:

“Oh, you guys! As if he could rely on you! You call yourselves his bodyguards, but at the slightest threat you just bleat out for him. No wonder he gets hurt worst of all.”

This doesn’t seem to affect them at all, as all three’s responses are rather unimpressed.

“Yeesh. What terrible lines.” “I guess she’s trying to rattle us.”

This showcases their understanding of who Laxus is as a person. They’ve followed him for years now, so they’re well aware of what he’s capable of, and more importantly, what he’s like, and what he tends to do.

The Thunder Legion is incredibly confident in Laxus. They trust him more than perhaps anyone else, and want more than anything else to protect him and keep him safe.

However, they are also well aware that they cannot control his actions. Especially after the stunt he pulled just before Tartaros. He gets hurt worst of all because he tends to insist on doing things on his own, whether it’s to prove himself, to enjoy a fight more, or because he wants to keep everyone safe. When the people he cares about are in danger, he jumps in to help, and sometimes pushes himself to the point of self-destruction. This is a trait that many mages in Fairy Tail share, and the Thunder Legion understands this.

But they trust him, and they trust him to know his limits.

When he stops them from interfering in his fight against Maiden Quartet, they listen. Their trust manifests as standing back while Laxus fights and waiting for a cue, or helping to mitigate the damage his fight causes on their surroundings. Laxus knows that all he needs to do is ask for help, or offer an invitation, and the Thunder Legion will be right there beside him.

Freed knows this, and he rebuts Weyse like so:

“We trust each other. If Laxus is fighting on the front lines, we’ve only got to run in and support him!”

Of course, Weyse twists his words around and hits them where it hurts:

“So what you’re saying is, he steps up to fight because you’re too weak to do it yourselves.” “You’re his bodyguards, aren’t you? Right? But something terrible is bound to happen to your precious Laxus, the way you guard him.”

Laxus fights because they can’t. Because they’re incapable of it. The Thunder Legion is a burden to him, an inconvenience, and holding him back from his true potential. He doesn’t need them, and he knows it; soon enough, they will stop being useful, and Laxus will leave them behind.

That’s what hurts them, that’s what spurs them to fight and protect the illusion of Laxus with everything they have—not just the concept of being weak, but the idea of being unneeded and abandoned by the person they care for the most.

“Laxus always steps up to fight…because we’re so weak!” “Even though we go around callin’ ourselves his bodyguards!!” “We’re just holding Laxus back!”

Unbeknownst to the Thunder Legion, though, Laxus has been going through his own development during Lightning Gods—namely, discovering just what kind of strength he can bring to his family in order to make them feel safe and protected.

When Laxus and the Thunder Legion join Blue Pegasus, they are confronted with a very different guild experience, in terms of jobs and the people around them. Being a Blue Pegasus member requires a different set of skills and strengths than Fairy Tail members are used to, and Laxus specifically has a difficult time adjusting. But as he’s floundering, he can see the Thunder Legion fitting in with the guild and taking to their tasks with ease.

“I don’t know…but you three are doing great.” “But I just recall how…Fairy Tail was full of people who’d understand me, even just through our fists and fights.”

This is played somewhat for comedy, as the Thunder Legion find Laxus’s awkwardness endearing. But Laxus is genuinely having a hard time wrapping his head around the way the guild operates and adjusting to it. More than that, he’s utterly baffled by the idea that someone like Ichiya could be so respected and adored when he is, compared to Laxus and the Thunder Legion, not all that strong or powerful.

He mentions that they shouldn’t go to assist him—since the others respect him so much, he assumes Ichiya must be strong enough to save himself:

“But he’s actually super powerful despite how he acts, right? So just wait for him to come back on his own.”

What others might see as abandonment is Laxus’s idea of trust—putting faith in another person’s ability to handle themselves, and not insulting their strength by rushing in to rescue them.

But the members of Blue Pegasus quickly correct him, bringing up the many weaknesses that Ichiya has that make him vulnerable. Laxus wonders if there’s anything good about him at all, and how someone with so many weaknesses—that are apparently common knowledge—could be so idolized by everyone around them.

Despite his overall reluctance to engage with the situation, Laxus goes to rescue Ichiya, on the basis that they’re from the same guild, and anyone who messes with guild members is an enemy—not because he looks up to Ichiya, something he quite vehemently denies.

In the process of rescuing him, though, Ichiya himself takes a blow from Laxus meant for his captor, and tells Laxus not to fight, “out of respect for his gorgeous face”. Laxus takes this as an insult.

“Is this a joke?! Huh?! We came here to rescue you, because you’d been kidnapped. And now this? Was this some game to you? And you want me to respect your face? You think you can mess with me and I’m just gonna take it?”

In his mind, if Ichiya is so respected, he must have been strong enough to escape this entire time, and waited until the most inopportune moment to do so. He interfered with the rescue attempt, made light of Laxus’s attempt to help, and wasted his time.

However, Ichiya replies:

“This was no game. And no one is messing with you. Thank you for coming to my rescue.” “I honestly didn’t think you four would be the first ones here. Fighting on a joyous day like this…would hardly be the classy thing to do! Let’s go home and open up some champagne.”

Laxus seems surprised by this, and remains in thoughtful silence for a long while, even all the way back to the guild. Ichiya approaches him, and Laxus finally admits:

“So, look. I don’t get you at all. You don’t stand out as some powerful dude…but look how much they all worship you.”

Ichiya responds that it’s because he’s good-looking, much to the irritation of Laxus. However, the Trimen speak up once Ichiya leaves, saying that’s his true strength. The Thunder Legion take the word strength to mean the same kind of power they see in Laxus; an insurmountable might that puts one above other people. Hibiki corrects them:

“He may seem unreliable to you. But…when the moment calls for it, he’ll even use his body to defuse a crisis, even without magic…and isn’t that another kind of strength? That’s our Ichiya. We can feel safe with him.”

It’s not about physical or magical strength. It’s his strength of character that the members of Blue Pegasus are drawn to; they trust that he is the type of person to do everything in his power to keep conflict from breaking out, even if it means bringing harm to something he prides himself on quite highly.

This sticks with Laxus.

When he and the Thunder Legion head out to the village of Rugosa for the request put forth by the priestess Weyse, Laxus wonders to himself just what sort of strength he brings to his family.

After Weyse begs them to help, and speaks rather tearfully about not wanting to lose her home, Laxus is immediately swayed to get serious about her cause. He makes an effort to destroy the Vesper Blockade Mirror, and goes to great lengths to defeat Nasser, whom Laxus believes is trying to destroy his own home—something that Laxus takes very personally, because he [mistakenly] sees his past self in Nasser.

“So your mission is more important than your home? That thought process…makes my blood boil!!”

Nasser asks him why he’s risking his life for this. Says it seems foolish, since this is just another quest for him. Laxus flashes back to the Battle of Fairy Tail.

“I’ve tried to destroy my own family…my guild…before. I thought I was doing it for the guild’s own good. But now I see that was a stupid, immature idea. And I’m pretty sure you’re gonna regret this, too!”

After Nasser’s defeat, the Thunder Legion destroy the Vesper Blockade Mirror, just as Laxus trusted them to do. And the demon God of Nightfall’s true identity is revealed. Nasser shares his side of the story and laments his inexperience, stating that despite being seen by the villagers as an outsider, Rugosa village is his only true home.

Laxus is immediately swayed to his cause, and vows to destroy the God of Nightfall. Nasser reprimands him, saying that it’s too dangerous, but Laxus insists—

“But if we do nothing, your home is gonna get destroyed.” “Look, no apology is ever gonna be enough for what happened. So let me protect your village. I have to…!!”

Nasser relents, and asks for his assistance in defending his home. But not before telling him:

“You lose sight of all around you the moment something important to you is involved, like one’s home or guild.” “Viewed in another light, I suppose some might call you stubbornly honest.”

The two of them rush back to the village to confront the God of Nightfall. Laxus goes to destroy it, but is blocked by the Thunder Legion’s attacks. Weyse reveals that the three of them see Laxus as the God of Nightfall and vice versa—this is quickly reinforced by their words, shouting that they’ll protect Laxus no matter what as they’re attacking him.

Then, of course—Laxus hears what they think. That they’re too weak to stand beside him, they’re holding him back, they can’t even do an adequate job of protecting him.

After snapping them out of the spell with his magic, Laxus tells them exactly how he feels, how he said he felt even in the midst of his fight with Nasser: he trusts them.

“Don’t be stupid, Thunder Legion!” “It’s only because I can trust you to have my back…that I can run forward to fight!”

He doesn’t say, you’re strong enough to stand beside me.

Instead, he tells them, I am only this strong because you’re here. Because you have my back. I could not have done any of this without you. I have faith in your abilities. I can trust you.

To have his back, to look out for him, and more than that, to understand him, when it seems like no one else can.

The three of them gather themselves, and step up to watch Laxus’s back, to assist him in fighting the God of Nightfall.

“It’s alright. The three of us…we will not falter!!” “Strength…weakness…the form it takes doesn’t matter. The desire to protect the people we care about is still the same.”

The God of Nightfall is defeated. Nasser returns to the village, having lost his magical power. The Thunder Legion lament this loss, saying that losing such strength seems like a waste, but Laxus seems to understand—it was worth it, if it means Nasser gets to return to his home.

The four of them leave Rugosa village, talking about Weyse’s betrayal and how impressive Laxus was during their fight. And, finally, they tell him what it is that he wants to hear:

“But you confirmed something for us.” “Thanks to you…we can rely on you and feel safe.”

His dedication to doing what’s right, to protecting other people’s homes and family, led him back to the village when he could have easily left everyone to wait for the Council instead. His strength and quick thinking saved the Thunder Legion from the God of Nightfall’s spell. His stubborn honesty snapped them out of their fear of failing him, of being too weak, of being left behind.

At last, Laxus says that he thinks he’s figured out a little bit about the strength that makes Ichiya so adored.

[jessiescock]

Ok Cithis defense post. I don't think it's fair to call her ableist. yea it was disrespectful how she treated mithrun in her extra comic but like. Manipulating people is kind of her whole thing that's why she's a prisoner in the first place. She does illusion magic. For all we know she wasn't making mithrun do those things bc she hates disabled people, that's just what she does. Especially to her wardens. She disrespects him initially bc she's a prisoner and he's her warden, not bc he has a disability. (the fact that mithrun comes from a wealthy & noble family also probably has something to do with it.)

Also it was her who essentially blackmailed kabru into making sure mithrun was eating enough while they were trapped in the dungeon together, she very obviously cares about him and respects him more than she probably does most other people.

this whole setup was her idea in the first place. She didn’t have to do this.

also notable ithink is this moment here. Cithis literally biggest Kabumisu supporter.

Idk if this is coherent butuh basically Cithis clearly not only respects Mithrun but actively cares about him and is shown going out of her way to make sure he’s safe and healthy. While she is one of the more morally grey characters in dunmeshi (she is sentenced to life in prison for incitement to murder amongst other things, after all) it’s unfair and inaccurate to portray her as some sort of violently ableist abuser.

ok im adding some more cithis mithrun panels bc i like them and i think they’re very cute <3 yay

[applebinnie]

▶︎˗ˏˋ zom-baby >< ´ˎ˗

𖦹 prologue 𖦹 ▶︎next part

ᯤ zombie!Anton ᯤ

→ zombies were always known as brutal, vile creatures. You always thought they were gross and scary, especially having to instantly pulverize every zombie that comes your way can be sickening to even think of. But when you were greeted by an unwanted visitor, it didn't seem too bad. After all, what could go so wrong with a girl and a zombie?

warnings: mention of monsters (zombies!), I'm vv mid at writing and it's my first time writing in eng so please reduce your expectations to ground level 😭

💭: hi gais!! the idea came to me while I was watching the odd family and I was debating whether I should make this inspired by tof or disney's zombies bcs I LOVE both films but I decided to write this one first :') also, this isn't really a significant part, i jst dk how to begin this series so you can skip to part 1. But if you want to know more about the mc (you!) then definitely recommend reading this first!

☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎

What if the world was to plunge to the bottom, finally succumbing to the deadly virus that turns human beings into brainless, brutal, flesh eating monsters. such scenarios kept yo up at night. The idea of a dead man rising to their grave just to hunt and feed on functioning human brains has always terrified you. you always thought of the living conditions, the lack of food, water, and all that. but along with the concept of zombies is the concept of a half-zombie. They are the undead, or atleast half-dead. as you grew up, with your fear of zombies came a strange fascination to it.

Among the plethora of z-films that featured blood baths and a ferrocious amount of unwanted bites to the head, there were light, comedic z-films with a common trope: Romance.

It usually features a half-zombie, or a half-dead. Rare species of the undead that have the ability to recognize humans and restrain their appetite. You always wondered what their love interest saw in them, even thinking of giving them a kiss after seeing them mutilate and bite someone's limbs off. It was bizarre, but perhaps it's the irony of the situation that made you feel less scared of them. Zombies are gross, gooey creatures with not a single coherent thought, why would you even think of falling in love with one?

You slowly close your laptop after finishing all the work, and decided to lay back and find a nice show to watch. You grab on to your blanket, and click on a light, relaxing show. Growing up with a fascination for monster macabre can be mind-twisting, so consuming light and fun media once in while is refreshing. You were watching a film where a magic powder dust from a power petal turns any person who inhales it into a cat. It was sort of like an alarming potential apocalypse if you squint, but it happened only within the borders of a small town, unnoticed by the world. You think back, what if something like that were to happen in the real world? Who would be the first ones to notice? For sure it would be those who have keen eyes and a strong intuition, like the film's hero. But then again, there is no way something like that could happen in real life.

You are moving soon, to a place much more peaceful than where you are now, perhaps you can clear your mind, free from unwanted thoughts, or even more—unwanted memories.

▶︎next part

☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎ ☠︎︎

rlly shitty start but idk how to begin this piece (╥_╥) part 1 is much much more coherent than this, but I'm still posting this either way just because raghraghragh if you did read this sorry this took so long :( and thank you smsmsm for reading ily guys so much mwap mwap mwap (´ ε ` ) - val 🧸

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[utilitycaster]

anyway this is obviously a wild shift in the topic of conversation, but I was talking about it in the group chat last night as a distraction and would like to continue the distraction if I am being honest, so, with the caveat that this is based off of Fandom Osmosis Observations and a few reads of reviews and I have at this time played neither of these games, some thoughts about BG3 vs. Veilguard and what I've seen. many thanks to @captainofthetidesbreath for actually knowing things about video games and answering my many questions.

also just putting this up front with all said caveats: if you disagree that is great, I am very open that this is an outside observation and I could be very wrong but I am going to block people who get hostile without warning, and make this nonrebloggable if too many people get hostile. You are always permitted to disagree but like, I don't really care about your opinion if you're not someone with whom I have a pre-existing rapport unless idk you're like, actually a BG3 or Veilguard official story writer who happens to be on Tumblr. If you're a player? You have all of your own biases and they are not mine. Save it for someone who wants to get in a fight about this; I am not that person.

Essentially, what I've seen in terms of criticism from Veilguard that isn't just rampant transphobia comes down to the following:

why am I not playing my previous character from Inquisition again

why am I limited to a fairly consistent through line for the story

But first, I'm going to talk about BG3. What's funny is I seem like a much more obvious candidate for playing BG3, as a longtime D&D player who has come around on Forgotten Realms as a setting. However, while I looked at it for a while, I eventually lost interest for a couple of reasons. One is that apparently all the characters are WAY too eager to romance you which is like, a fun fantasy for 10 minutes but would probably annoy me in the long run. Another is that everyone who watched early reviews and kept abreast with the game told me that there was a clear favorite companion (Astarion) and that many of the characters had most of their interesting flaws sanded down (eg: Wyll was apparently much cockier originally; Shadowheart even more petulant; and as these are perhaps the two characters I was most intrigued by, reducing them to something blander destroyed much of the appeal). But perhaps the most interesting one is that as a boring goodie two shoes sort of person, my thought back when I was like "yeah, perhaps I will play this" was "oh, I do not want to have a murderous urge within me."

It became very apparent, through watching people play through and post on my dash, that if you didn't specifically play as the Dark Urge, and didn't specifically resist that urge, the story didn't really cohere. I have to admit, I know the premise of BG3 very well (tadpoles), and I know a lot of shipping trends (put a pin in that), and I know some of the more obvious points within it (Astarion is a vampire, Gale and Karlach both have bombs in their chests somehow, Shadowheart bleaches her hair) but I don't really have a great sense of the ending, and I did not avoid spoilers.

It feels like BG3 is designed for people who have one of those massive spreadsheets of D&D characters they haven't had a chance to play that are meticulously kept and thoroughly realized...and don't really leave room for modifying to fit the campaign you will actually be playing in. It feels like an OC sandbox simulator unless you do actually pick the choice the writers actually wrote for (Durge), and while it's not technically playersexual...it kinda is. I mean, I am a big fan of the trend in video games towards making it possible to romance anyone because it conjures up the idea of a world of high-powered bisexuals running around, which is very enjoyable for me, but the criticism of the Mary Sue archetype originally was never "how dare you fantasize about being cool." It was "wow, the characterizations are all warped beyond recognition solely so that everyone is in love with this character, and that makes for a dull and unsatisfying story." If you're everyone's type, and it's for romance and not just sheer lust, then either everyone around you is boring and wants the same thing, or you are sort of bland and inoffensive, or else the story is bashing characters together without a good basis for a compelling romance. This is also compounded by the fact that the companions can't get together with each other if you're playing your own character and not an Origins character.

None of this is to say it's bad to like BG3 and again, I didn't play it; but it is why I ultimately said "you know, given the effort involved to play it for me, a person without a gaming system, it's not worth it."

Veilguard has specifically intrigued me for going against a lot of this. You have a lot of choices in your character build, but they're all fairly thematically consistent: you did something within your faction that was well-intentioned but upset higher-ups and so you need to step away for a while. This establishes a personality for you! We know why you're part of a faction but also something of a free agent at the moment. We know why you're here and why you might be a good candidate for the current mission.

I'm not going to go into detail for the choices because while I'm not avoiding spoilers I don't want to spoil a relatively new game for others, but a lot of choices are fairly parallel, not in an "illusion of choice" way - they have consequences - but in terms of hitting similar themes. You can only save one city and both are places you have seen and places your companions have connections to; while the exact details may differ you are telling a consistent story.

I also think the fact that the companions can romance each other in your absence is important too! They exist even when you're not there. They are not just here to woo you, and indeed, they might be a better match for each other. I've been informed this is true in Inquisition as well, and I think it's a much more rich world if you, as the player, as the person who can ultimately decide the fates of your companions, aren't the center of their personal life. I also think it prevents the ability to sand down companions to be more agreeable to you as a player if you have to make an NPC/NPC romance compelling (and I will freely admit that, in a move that is not at all like me, I was pretty well sold by a potential in-game NPC/NPC romance, which is usually not the thing that gets me into works of fiction).

I'm not the right person to speak to the Inquisitor not being a significant character because I did not play DA:I, and I get that 'well, this is a new game with a new protagonist, as there has been for every Dragon Age game' is still not necessarily an adequate explanation. Nor is "hey, maybe it's good to attract new players" even though as someone who is highly attracted as a new player that is my opinion. However, I want to go back to the point about Resist Durge being the strongest option in BG3 in terms of story by a long shot. When I was trying to learn more, I said "ok, so just like how you're Tav in BG3 and Rook in Veilguard, you're Lavellan in Inquisition, right?" and was told that you are not - that's just the elvish Inquisitor option. Obviously this is anecdotal, but the fact that one option was far and away the most popular and thematically resonant is an indication that perhaps bringing forth the Inquisitor is carrying over some of the limitations of that game, whatever they may be. The true argument is "they are trying to tell a specific story here, and it is about a different POV than the one you previously had."

And that's really my point. I know I'm not an expert here - in fact I'm usually quite hesitant to write meta about things in which I'm not highly steeped, and very critical of those people who do - but I think an outsider perspective is useful here. The thing that is drawing me to video games is a new way to experience a fictional narrative (the other game I have been meaning to play - and even own on Steam- is Disco Elysium). That's not what everyone wants! But it is what I want. And so I want to be put into a developed, thoughtful narrative, and I don't mind if my choices are restricted in order to support it, and if I am playing a person I did not entirely choose. In tech, there is a saying of "make it easy to make the right choice (and hard to make the wrong one)" and so if you need your protagonist to hit certain beats, you should make that the required protagonist.

I think a story is stronger if your choices matter but if there is something of a foregone conclusion because it gives the writers thematic throughlines. This might sound a little silly given that this blog is largely dedicated to Actual Play but the thing is, most actual play does have, if not a foregone conclusion, at least a strongly intended conclusion of "work towards uncovering this mystery and achieving this goal", though the success of said goal is not guaranteed. I would argue that when a campaign lacks that, it tends to suffer in all aspects. RPG video games almost always have a foregone conclusion, but that's its own liability. In actual play, lacking a forgone conclusion means you spin off in any direction and it's anyone's guess if it's coherent. In an RPG, having this conclusion but not supporting it through the rest of the game will make it feel contrived. I feel a lot of Veilguard criticism is focusing on small contrivances early on that really mostly matter to a highly specific subset of potential players that prevent much larger and less forgiveable contrivances later on.

Anyway. Again, I am an outsider here, and I'm not here to say that it's bad to have a more open-world, sandboxy game with a self-insert-y OC type; but I have to be honest, I'd rather explore that in a true sandbox of fanfiction or original fiction, which is significantly cheaper and in which I can actually tell the entire story I want to tell. I don't want to be given more choices if a lot of them will be profoundly unsatisfying as a narrative. I don't want to cut through the world like a hot knife through butter. I want to be affected by it, and that's very hard to do with a character whose only trait is "self-insert whom everyone wants to fuck" or "guy that already carries the baggage of years of personal headcanons and highly variable choices that are hard to account for for every single person who ever played the previous game."

[babiebom]

Ass or Boobs? (sdv edition)

A/N:got this idea when doing an alphabet request!! I wanted to do this first to break up the posts somehow and also I’m watching Charmed and eating a burrito so I’m literally just on a writing binge rn. I’m going between requests, fics, and random things <3 I’m getting nothing and everything done at one time. BOTH bachelors and bachelorettes but basic sdv only.

Genre:shitpost/headcanons

Tw: sexual content!!

Masterlist

Ass:

Sebastian, Shane, Elliott, Haley, Penny, Abigail

Sebastian is more of a thigh and hips guy, but since your ass goes with that, it’s obviously a given.

Personally, I do think Shane would be into anal so him being an ass man makes sense he likes that recoil baby.

Elliott just seems more like an ass guy rather than a boob guy, like he thinks boobs are a childish thing to be into. Idk how he thinks but he does lmao.

Abigail is obviously an ass girl, she likes how everyone’s butts looks in any kind of bottoms. Gets caught staring EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Haley is an ass girl because she also had a great rack and she thinks that while everyone does have asses, they’re great and yours is the best.

Penny is one of those people that I think would be both, but I think rather than boobs she prefers asses.

Boobs:

Sam, Alex, Harvey, Leah, Maru, Emily

Maru is definitely the type to get caught staring at someone’s boobs. Any coherent thought she has leaves her mind at the sight of a good pair of boobs. Gets caught staring often

Emily also gets caught staring but isn’t as embarrassing for her. She just smiles and complements you like heh heh oopsies.

Leah sees boobs in a more artistic way, and LOVES painting them(and on them), drawing them, sculpting him. Probably has a clay mold of your boobs.

Sam literally is Maru but a man and a golden retriever. When he stares the only thing knocking him out of his mind is going “Sam…SAM!!” He just laughs as his face turns red.

Harvey gets flustered at the sight of boobs. His face turns red, he stutters, and while he doesn’t stare it’s obvious that he was looking.

Alex just seems like he’s a boob man. Like if they��re on the tv or something he’s like “heheheheheh boobs heheheheheheh” probably the reason why Elliott thinks it’s childish.

[catboymoments]

Repeating an ask I sent regarding glyphs and ice hockey as I wanna rewrite it more coherently and add onto it as I started overthinking this concept way too much and it would be a sin to keep this idea to myself.

To preface, I’m going in this with very little knowledge of the sport, but my immediate idea was that the players would use ice glyphs to create paths they need to skate on and use to send pucks to the goals (assuming there’s a way to have that much control over an ice glyph and the shape it takes without making glyph combos.) rather than a traditional ice rink.

In my mind I can see the ice being used in this way due to the goal posts floating in the air for an increased thrill and sense of danger. I have two ideas for the goal post in this regard!;

A) It’s generally just a floating goal made with some basic B.I. tech (propellers, magic, etc. specifics don’t matter)

B) My personal favourite; The goals are some sort of winged demon that’s often used in the more extreme sports that require goals like this, and you need to shoot the puck into their mouth to score. They come with an added challenge as they fly around meaning you have too be quick and aim precisely to score. Perhaps this style of goal is used by more seasoned Ice Glyph Hockey players!

My ideas for the ways the other glyphs could be used could be the way we’ve seen magic being used in other sports in the show include; players using the fire glyphs to melt eachother’s ice paths, the plant glyphs being used knock other players away from the puck/goal, and I’m not sure about the light glyphs as I cannot see them having a lot of use ‘combatively’, but maybe they could be used strategically to attract the goal post demons?

I also think it would be neat if there were obstacles/traps the players had to avoid, but that’s probably overkill for a hockey inspired sport.

Idk this is all stuff I thought of in like on a whim as I can’t sleep and my brain is suddenly rushing a million miles a minute. I’d love to hear your thoughts how well you think this would work!

DUDE I THINK THIS IS ALL FANTASTICCCCCC although I think that the basic rink would just be Big Ice and players could throw ice glyphs on there to manipulate it and get vertical??? Azura creates a new glyph based sport… Glyph Hockey. Glockey for short.

[fantomette22]

GIRL HELP, now we are both in the club of people whose caring for Miquella reached its FULL form because of the DLC hfgfjgdbh I think what I've lacked this whole time was a coherent idea on what his imperfections and flaws were! Because "well you see Bewitching Branch is kinda fucked up concept" didn't give me enough. And I feel like I've struck gold with the whole thing of him not being able to accept Radahn's character development and nature as a warrior. It is soooooo wrong and reminded me of one of the ways to look at Gehrman.

It took me a few weeks but finally me 🤝 you at having the time of our fandom lives with Miquella now

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?! Yeah it's quite crazy. We took our sweet time but here we are! 🤝

I mean maybe I wasn't way too much invest in elden ring because of the huge bloodborne brain rot taking all my time too 😂 But also Elden Ring is really a lot to digest! You and I really like details and to care about every lil guys! In Bloodborne even if there's lot of characters it stays limited while in Elden Ring it's just SO enormous O_O there's too much and yeah I didn't got that savage brain rot yet while just playing the game a year ago+

And I knew dlc was coming so I guess I didn't get too much invested either? Or at least it was inconsciently.

So yes during and after the dlc and after digesting everything I somehow really learn like Miquella! We know way more now and idk but it's even more interesting now!

Before dlc I saw him like : poor lil guy tried smt to become a god (pls don't it's gonna be bad) screw up really big time & he's dead now 😔 you tried your best... he was too good for this world rip

But now it's more develop! there's actually a following to that! he didn't just fail big time! for now😰

I said a few weeks ago I was gonna wait to finish the dlc and then speak about Miquella and what I think of everything. Well maybe I will do a separate post later but I think it's finally time.

So let's dive in (warning spoilers shadow of the Erdtree DLC)

I know it's a bit of mess between people thinking "I was right he's the ultimate evil!!! He's like Griffith!" (what 💀)"and people being very mad at other or distraught by it bc now this get shown into their face while they were just happy with Miquella being a kind lil guy, to good or pure for this world... I want to believe many people are actually very middle ground on this but hm yeah smt it's not good and quite extreme.

But if that can help (at least I will try here ) with everything we got I might have an interpretation that I hope, could help out a few people. I can't say I'm right, I'm probably far from it but I appreciate what I deduced and put together a lot! (in my head but still) It made me really like and invest more in Miquella character now! And it make me at peace with what the dlc brought to the table. I can accept that more well now. That made everything have more sense and made Miquella really have a bittersweet/tragic path & ending. And I am ok with that and I think others could be as well.

I like Miquella I think he was mostly good, the kindest between this darker lands. But he needed to changed, to grow to succeed in his goals right? Because he got stuck. But by growing up, discarding parts of himself to be a "better version" of himself that would succeed & become a god is what eventually doomed him in the end :

Miquella discarding part of himself tragedy.

This is just so sad and tragic. But it might be oblivious. He wasn't "strong enough" in his current position/eternal childhood etc So he probably thought that make the sacrifice to become a god would succeed in the end. A necessary sacrifice...that he would be stronger able to finally obtain his goals... But by doing that he loose everything that made him himself... without realising it... he abandoned everything. And the more he abandoned, the more he didn't realised he was loosing himself what he cared about... and how it was a mistake. (I suppose that Marika might have gone through the same thing now...)

Trina realised it at some point. That it was wrong,t hat it wouldn't work anyway perhaps. Is it really worth it? Is it really gonna work? Probably not... But it's too late to go back now. She knew Miquella before everything would probably not approve of what he became... of the dangerosity of what he could be...

That just... sorry it's just so tragic I don't know how to express it sadden me so much...

Bewitching people :

We already knew that he somehow "bewitch people" but it wasn't very explained in base game and really up to interpretations. Now we know more. And it sparks a lot of things...

I completely agree that you know, half mind control people and changed people thoughts and individuality, personality etc hm it's bad. it's no good to control masses. BUT but, I can kinda understand why Miquella did it! And I'm gonna try to explain that now.

Ok, imagine you're Miquella. You're trying to get people to join your cause. Of course like for exemple the crab hunter or farmer have other things to do than join your cause so sure you let them be. But then imagine you talk with smn and then they just hate you and is going to say shit to everyone about you and then they're gonna try kick your ass. Wouldn't it be better, even if that's bad on paper, to bewitching them? make allies your enemies?

You can't reason with some people at time even if you try everything, sadly. You can either go away or fight or ask a competent authority to stop them. But if you had a way for them to magically stop wanting to harm you and become more friendly / on your side wouldn't you use it?

Like it's bad but I can understand why Miq did it. But of course forcing people who were neutral bc you think "you're better" is hm... not great too... but it's not clear how much it happened and what went though he's mind. He probably thought it was a good thing. But no but can we blame him for trying to have better world?

And it's still not clear how his mind age but I do think he still have lot of quality/default of what any child mind have. He probably didn't see the wrong of everyone becoming allies and use kindness not violence to it. A child mind (mostly) is innocence, optimistic etc I do think he lost a lot by discarding parts but it has it's backsides. An adult would be more incline to find solution and act accordingly to treat but loose a lot of "childhood good sides" as well. it's quite complicated but nothing is perfect in this. You wanna agin smt you loose another you can't have everything and life's not black & white.

Also about Mogh. Yes he's not fuck up like that! But I understand why Miq bewitching him. Hm Mohg, maybe would have just kill Miquella to get his amazing blood for whatever purpose with the formless mother anyway. So of course Miquella did that to try to gain a potential ally that in other case is very dangerous for him. But still I think Miquella had to improvise after Mogh took him and then when the cocoon didn't work. Yeah I still think Mogh has a LOT of issues. He's not a saint and I don't think it went well with Miquella's plan to have been taken by him.

Radahn thoughts:

I mean I'm still a bit like : wu wut what but why??!!?!? confusion

But it's a bit better now XD I swear if the devs originally had another idea I'm gonna be mad! But it can maybe made a bit of sense. I don't really have much thoughts bc I'm still confuse about it but I think understand the point.

Radahn, when younger, was probably all the noble qualities that had Godfrey.

And Miq was probably like : When Godfrey was Elden Lord it was the golden age everything was great! Nothing was wrong! The lands between had stability. Radahn have the potentiel to be like Godfrey!

Also Radahn : Let's conquer and make war like lord Godrey!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean yeah everything was great between stability and war 😅 so jkefjf help like I can understand ou need smn to fight of ennemies just in case but Miquella that's not gonna work. Like at some point there's pb. Like who you consider anomy.. should you reprimand everyone?? Like Marika and her cycle of violence?! dzbkdsfbhkbhkld

Also I wonder if the great runes didn't made many demigods "change" as well. It gave them more power and maybe it screw their mind too. (And when Miquella great runes break the bewitching spells stop so..... before he got the runes maybe he never used that. And maybe that's why Radahn changed so much too) Power really does change people hm?

So anyway sorry idk if I succeed to organise everything coherently XD I tried. So yes I think Miquella is nuanced but was mostly good because of many conditions and he tried to fix everything but loses everything in the end... by discarding who he really was... a necessary sacrifice, that would ultimately fail...

I got very emotional after beating the final boss and going one last time to Trina. I really cried a lot. Because it's freaking sad. All the sacrifices in vain... they deserved so much but the world was cruel.

And even if we did nothing. What change? Nothing. He never came back in the lands between if we finish the main game. Did you abandoned everything Miquella? Did it not work out? Or like should we blame the poor devs. Idk it's very confusing now. The lands between still a mess, the lands of shadow too. He never came back...

The only ray of hope is us, the tarnished to try to make a better world for everyone. The one they couldn't make themselves...

(Ok so hope make sense 😅 and maybe it will put everything in a new light for people and give them a hand! I got way more invested and happy! Even if that's sad. I started to imaging little story and headcanons about his childhood I would never have before... it's confusing but if I am right the devs succeed! good job)

[l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft]

Brainrotting About A Crimson Rivers Fan Film aaaaa

And because @almostafunctionaladult (hopefully that @'s you cos idk if it worked) and a grand total of four other people liked the post I made about it, I'm gonna barf all my current ideas here

Cos why not??

FULL disclaimer I laid away late into the night conjuring all of this up and when I tried to bother my sibling with all this madness it was only semi coherent so hopefully this will make sense lol Strap in.

TO START OFF! There is SO much content even just in the first arena between all the hell James and Regulus are going through, plus wolfstar's domestic romance thing they have, and all the politics and Sirius' pov in the Hallow during the games. And THEN, you have the whole entire hellscape that is the second half of the fic and the second arena and revolution and shit, so it would be EXTREMELY hard to make a single movie. The original source material couldn't even be made into one book, let alone one movie XD

Which is why I have been stewing and pondering and have decided! Do it miniseries style >:D With the VERY large and generous budget of my dreams, it would be two seasons each with 30-45 minute episodes. Season 1 is 6-12 episodes and covers the first arena as well as the aftermath and ends once James and Regulus are on their way home. Season 2 is definitely more like 12-15 episodes and covers everything that goes down in the last 30 chapters or so.

UNFORTUNATELY, I do not have that splendid or magnificent of a budget as I am just a uni student with delusions of grandeur lol

So I would pick a few fan favourite scenes from the book and make short films about those! Starting off strong with the scene when Regulus and James meet up in the arena the first time cos I ADORE that scene and I need to see it in film XD That one is ALSO very easy to do on a budget which is nice cos it's two actors (which I still need so if you're in the US of A and can make it to Idaho, hit me up whaaaattt who said that??) and a patch of trees I could reasonably pass off as a forest on camera.

Another essential would be the Bear Trap scene and I have SO many fun ideas for camerawork on that one to add to the stress and chaos >:D never lingering on one person for two long to keep up the frantic, panicked feeling in the scene. I'd ALSO love to have a shot of them all just walking and then somehow quickly foreshadow that the trap is coming just for a split second before it cuts to a wide shot of the forest treeline for James' scream as he Gets Got. Then cut right back to all of them and commence the scene. Regulus calling James 'baby' is, of course, a must have in the book-to-film adaptation partly cos it's a recurring theme and hurts a lot when Reg says it later on, and also I just like it :) I would LOVE to do the scene with the death eaters when they catch Regulus and James cos I think that one can be really fun with the expressions. And being able to put Regulus going apeshit on Mulciber for hurting James could be a super cool but to film

I want to do EVERYTHING with Evan cos I love him so much but this is getting long so I'll have to save that for another rant

OH! And how could I forget the BEATBOXING SCENE??? I feel like I'm legally required to film the bit where James is beatboxing in the arena cos it's PEAK comedy but also the right background music could really do wonders in emphasising the level of humanity James still has in him at that point and could make it just a little bit angsty :)

RAGHHH AND MY IDEAS FOR THE FINAL SCENE WHEN REGULUS COMES OUT OF THE RIVER AND THEY REACH FOR EACOTHER! Camera blur will be my BEST friend in that one, giving the illusion that the audience is kind of seeing it from James and Regulus' pov as they're losing lucidity. Maybe some brief hints of flachbacks to all the top Jegulus highlights of the arena in, like, a 'happiest memories' sort of way? But not set on that it might be too much I dunno yet. And then I want to have the very last shot be from Regulus' pov. Imagine with me: we can see his hand in the foreground as he's reaching for James but the camera is swaying and his vision is blurry. Distantly, Slughorn's voice announces the winners of the 84th annual hunger games are none other than James Potter and Regulus Black. James, who had just been staring for the longest time, looks to Regulus, and there could possibly be the slightest twitch in his hand as he reaches back for Regulus, but the moment Slughorn's voice fades, Regulus collapses completely and it cuts to black as he passes out. And that's the end of the film. Roll credits :D

That's all I got for now, and those are only my ideas for the FIRST arena but this was getting long so I gotta cut it here lol XD Anyway yeah hopefully this was semi-coherent and as cool on metaphorical paper as it is in my head lol Let me know what yall think!! And if you have any other ideas I'd LOVE to hear them!!

[daily-singularity]

Hello. I am here to ask you about their paralells and how insane they make you. Pretty please... you're the only one feeding us the good food...

Going insane. white knuckling my pen and paper. I will do my best to make this coherent, apologies in advance if its a mess!!

In the simplest terms both Gabriel and Hux are carbon copy assembly line units created by Huxlee industries for the purpose of colonizing planets and prolonging the human race.

Gabriel is a tool just as much as the Huxlee units are.

"Each individual was manufactured for a different societal function... The idea was to create a functional society that would operate flawlessly." - Gabriel Soma BIO

"Unlike human clones, the HUX-A7 required no food, no water, no sleep, and no life support system. It was created specifically for outer space exploration and the construction of colonization hubs." - HUX-A7-13 BIO

Gabriel was specifically designed by Huxlee for planet colonization. Outside of his time on Dvarka, I gather that Gabriel was in a permanent deep sleep/cryostatis. All of his memories of his family and childhood are fabrications- he has no real life or directives or experiences outside of his work on Dvarka.

---

Both were under the threat of termination, or reprogramming should they fall out of line.

"Dmitri’s not trying to help… he’s trying to get me to stop asking questions. What does he know? What’s he hiding?" - Tome 16, Memory 2998 (Gabriel Soma)

"It remembers its objective. It must assist the crew in terraforming Dvarka. Failure to do so will result in termination."- Tome 16, Memory 2665 (Hux-a7-13)

When Gabriel first starts noticing discrepancies in his memories, his crew's medic writes off his issues as "problems that dont exist", and gives him a drug that fogs up his senses. Its a clear attempt to force him back into subservience, a message of "Stop digging or else".

We're never able to find out what would happen to Gabriel if it became known that he found out about the fact hes a clone, but I gather he would be removed from the project. Terminated so he wouldn't spread panic.

--

After Gabriel finds out about the fact he's a clone, it's a lot harder to get more direct info on his mentality, since thats where his Memory archives end.

Neither of them have much experience with free will.

Due to the fact that both Gabriel and Hux were taken by the entity near immediately after learning they were a clone/gained sentience, it isnt much of a stretch to say that neither of them have experience with a sense of individuality.

Gabriel learns that his entire life has been a fabricated lie and then is immeidately shoved into a killing game. He doesn't really get that chance to come to terms with who and what he is before having to fight for his life.

Hux on the other hand, had more time to digest his new worldview. He was able to start forming his own desires and wants even if they were as simple as "Kill the inferior human worms who created me", or abstract as wanting to "the remake the universe in my image over infinate lifetimes"- whatever the fuck that means Hux. Its really unfortunate that he barely begins to form these desires before theyre all stripped away from him and he is once again forced into subservience.

---

I was gonna put like idk an insightful little footnote here, but i spent absolutely way to long writing this post. Anyways. Gabriel and hux are both tools struggling with a sense of self while being forced to kill or be killed.

Also. can Behavior please fucking explain to me why Gabriel was waxing poetic about the beauty and godliness of the machine that he watched slowly kill his entire crew, like goddamn ogling that machine, then he exploded it. and then like. went "ok damn still godlike."

I just wanna talk with whoever wrote this please. what was. what does this mean. i need to know.

"It had fabricated a new body for itself. Part flesh. Part silicon. Part human. Part machine. Massive. Powerful. Beautiful and majestic like—

An ancient God."

"Gabe raced across the meadow and into the forest. When he looked back, he saw the HUX emerge from the flames and smoke. Burning. Melting. Shrieking. Deformed. Terrible and wrathful like—

An ancient God"

[bones-mccoy-turned-me-bi]

Ok so last night I had a dream about startrek, it started during amok time pretty much going the same way except, T'pring didn't do the challenge they got married.

Only remember bits and pieces during this point but Kirk is heartbroken, he's not letting Spock know (duh) which isn't a problem because Spock is oblivious about Kirk's feelings for him.

I forgot to mention that Spock does have feelings for him and didn't want to marry T'pring but he was convinced that Kirk doesn't love him,whilst also doing this whole "It's Vulcan way" so he decided to just do it.

Anyways he went through Pon Farr with T'pring and ended up getting her pregnant

This is another point where memory doesn't like me, but anyway they have a son (his name was changing like every half a second but ima call him Telek since that's one of the only ones I remember)

ANYWAYS this child just sorta exists in the back of Kirk's mind for like 2-3 years till T'pring's work (I forget what she does but it's like similar circumstances to her being on the enterprise in snw) lines up with the enterprise, and she brought Telek with her.

So they meet the kid

Kirk is trying so hard rn but it's like that's Spock's child with the wife he didn't know he had so he's struggling.

Mccoy likes the kid and is doing a way better job of being normal towards him and T'pring ( whilst also comforting Kirk which I thought was really cute )

Anyways another time jump

T'pring dies.

This isn't even that much later cause Telek looked like 4.

I have no idea how she dies but she did, Spock is hurt but not like extremely?

Like he did care about her but he never really loved her and when they spoke it was really just him asking about Telek.

Anyways Kirk is like kinda happy about this but also very mad that he is happy about this because Spock's wife died and that's horrible so he's like trying to comfort Spock but it's kinda awkward because Kirk hated T'pring and they both know he hates her.

Anyways Kirk is like well he's not married anymore maybe nows my chance and Mccoy is like "She just died dude at least give the guy some time to grieve "

So Kirk does but like only for a month or so

and he's back to trying to court Spock, but Spock is still oblivious and thinks Kirk is just still trying to comfort him so it's not working that well. At some point Kirk decides fuck it I'll just tell him.

So Kirk invites Spock over for chess and partway through like thier second game ( gotta give him some time to work up the nerve) Kirk blurts it out.

And like at first Spock doesn't react so Kirk's like freaking out like "omg I just ruined our entire friendship " " why did I say that" " holy shit he hates me now doesn't he?? " all the while Spock is like fucking buffering because the guy he's been in love with for years just admitted loving him since like the first day they met and like ????? Holy shit?????.

Anyways Kirk started like apologizing to Spock which kinda snaps him out of his little trance and Spock is now the one freaking out cause he took to long to answer so he kinda panics and just like

leans over the chess board and like fuckin kisses him.

Anyways they're together (they also find out they are T'hy'la and it's really sweet)

And at some point ( not that much later come on its Spock and Kirk and they've been in love for years ) they get married and it's very sweet and they are both Telek's dads now and stuff and Mccoy is doing his whole " took you two long enough Jesus " but he's secretly stoked and not hiding it well.

Um anyways this is about were I woke up.

Its the most coherent dream (am I saying that right? ) I've ever had

Idk if you wanna make a fic about it please do and post the link when you reblog it cause I'm not gonna find it otherwise 👍

[corvidcentral]

Uhhhhh late night post abt vulpes redemption (?) idk I don’t like him as a character but rather a concept and also I’m tired so that’s both why I’m posting this and why it might not be coherent :3

Okay anyways I don’t think there’s any actual way to redeem him. End post

Jkjk. But also not really.

Vulpes is. Obsessive? To say the least. I feel like any sort of redemption you’d force him through would be by transferring his obsession from Caesar and the Legion onto smth else. Which has a negligible chance of happening but let’s humor those chances

First you’d have to actually convince him to leave Caesar. Once again nigh impossible but yeah. I actually don’t have any ideas on how’s this work LMAO

Once you’ve done that he’s probably gonna feel. Lost? He’s dedicated literally his entire life to the Legion and Caesar, and without that, what is he? So I feel like he’d latch onto the closest thing that’s maybe similar to his time there and yet not that. Which would be. Whoever convinced him Courier or otherwise.

Now you’ve got this weird obsessive dude following you. “I owe you my life so I’ll do whatever you ask of me.” Aka his time in the Legion 2 electric boogaloo. He’s more than likely convinced himself that it’s different that he’s different from Back Then but he’s still the same.

You can tell him to kill someone and he’ll do it no questions asked, because he now lives to serve you. All you have to do is tell him he’s better off now, outside of the Legion than he ever was inside it, and he’ll believe you, because you’re now his obsession. He’ll believe he’s a better person now, since he’s no longer a frumentarii, even if he might actually be acting the same way or worse

And obviously Nobody will trust him so that will in turn create this. Cycle. He’s outside but what now? Nobody will look him in the eyes besides you, and even if they do it’s to remind him of things in the past, and it’s different now, can’t they see? You’re the only who can see he’s changed, changed for the better, so that means he can only trust you, like he’s known this entire time. Time is a circle and all that. A dog will never forget its training no matter who holds onto its leash

Also I’m using “you” in place of any actual pronoun I’m assuming this is the courier he’s latched onto you can assume anyone otherwise idrc

Like I said it’s late its like 1:45 am for me so if none of this makes sense blame that. I just like thinking abt characters late at night and never doing anything abt it ever again after that

[savagewildnerness]

i was back reading your blog a little (love your thoughts btw!!) and saw the asks about book/tv lestat being at the trial by his own will or not… tbh, i think he went with the intent to rescue them like the tvl scene where he and gabrielle go to rescue nicki. where he’s outwardly pretending to be super confident, unflappable, flamboyant lestat, but we know he’s actually just acting and in actuality he’s trying everything he’s got to convince armand and the coven to let he and gabrielle leave with nicki (very much like a hostage negotiator). he’s in total panic mode fighting for his and his family’s life, but he’s also camping it up, flirting with the female vampires in the coven, etc. (my favorite bit is when he says something like oh, darling!… always makes me lol). that was what the trial scene reminded me of, especially how he tells off the soldier, etc… i wonder if his strategy is “oh, if i just get up there and tell the truth and explain my philosophy and how we all loved each other the coven and the audience will understand and we’ll be set free, just like the children of darkness set us free,” or at least everyone will be so distracted and confused they can break loose. which is at once very hubristic and also, well, it worked once, why shouldn’t it work again? and in the book he is super shocked that none of the old theatre troupe and the vampires he loved like Eleni are there. idk, just my thoughts!! <3 hope you are well x

Omg, I probably should have left this till it was not currently midnight to respond to - so I could respond in a more coherent way than I’m currently capable of, but I love this ask so much I simply had to respond immediately!

So, with the caveat that obviously who knows exactly how the writers want to/will tell the story…

This idea had never occurred to me! Yet it *is* exactly how Lestat approaches saving Nicolas in the books, so given the changes in circumstances for tv-Lestat, it would make total sense if Lestat employed similar techniques in trying to save Louis!

Also, this way, there’s potential to juxtapose Lestat’s 18th century rescue of Nicolas (& how awfully that turned out in the end) with his rescue of Louis, from his perspective?! This could be so poignant, I feel!

Thank you so much, Anon! While I have no idea exactly how the show will tell Lestat’s story pre- & post- trial, I have felt strangely about it till now because:

1) it doesn’t yet make full sense from what we’ve seen so far on tv, so I cannot fully feel it…

2) circumstances mean that things cannot be exactly as they are in the books, which has made me wary of expecting any thing & made me feel like it would be better to just not imagine any scenario at all…

BUT!

You have just provided me with a scenario which isn’t as things are in the books, but which I absolutely love! And which makes sense!

So, thank you! You have made me excited for the revisit of the trial that must come in S3 at some point! I would love it if you are right! 🤞🤞🤞

(And thank you so much for your kind comments too!)

[reds-skull]

Post script on Not Alive, Nor Dead

Like I mentioned yesterday, I have a lot to say about the fic now that it's done.

The TLDR is that I'm leaving an option for a sequel. No promises though.

Leaving the rest of it under the cut because idk how long it will end up.

Okay, so first thing I gotta admit is that I didn't plan shit lmao. I had the start very clearly in my head, which were the scenes I talked about in the first post I made about revenant AU. But the entire plot line with Graves being a secret revenant? Hell, even the whole 'revenants and non-revs are getting kidnapped around the world' was not planned.

The scene in chapter 4 with the PMC was the introduction for the anonymous PMC, but I didn't think of making Graves and in extension Shadow Company all the work of a revenant. I was debating even making him a revenant at all, up until I wrote the chapter introducing him.

This approach, of not planning shit, is what made me excited to sit down and write every day. It felt like I was discovering the story myself.

It's also a fucking miracle the story is coherent in any shape or form.

Now, I did write a few things before starting. They were a small overview of the character arcs I want the 141 to go through, and a brief about each revenant's powers, because those things need to be consistent.

The arc overview isn't accurate anymore, it has a version of Gaz's storyline that I didn't manage to fit in, where he has a fear of heights, and overcomes it throughout the fic. The only one really left unchanged was Soap, who had the whole "my powers are too destructive" thing ongoing for most of the story.

Speaking of Soap, the Konchar mystery? I was figuring it out while writing the 3 chapters before introducing 'Konchar'. There are some inconsistencies because of that, specifically in a line where Soap says something along the lines of "I did something on my Reaping, something that if I could replicate, I might've not been let on the team." which kinda makes sense but kinda doesn't, considering all that Ghost has done.

Ghost's struggles with Limbo were something I added after wanting to give him a parallel to Soap. Originally, Ghost's role was to be the guy that has already gone through what Soap is going through, already knowing everything and having as much control on Limbo as he can. But making Limbo this uncontrollable realm was more interesting... also having it reflect Ghost's mind and emotions was cool.

One of the most pleasant surprises was how Price's powers interacted with everyone else's. I think it was the best power to personality match I made, he's not as scary as the others at first glance, but the ability to bore into the minds of his enemies, the way no one can keep secrets from him? Makes him terrifying. It's not made clear in the fic, but the reason it took Price so long to figure Graves out is their previous encounters. Graves knew how to divert his thoughts away from his Shadows, and stop Price from finding out.

What made Price realize Grave's Shadows aren't human is he tried to read their mind, only to find a list of commands. Graves tried to keep them away as much as he can, but it was inevitable. Shepherd knew it, which is why he ordered Price to keep his mouth shut almost instantly.

Since the way revenants get their powers must be linked to the way they died, some revs were easier to find powers for than others. Obviously the 141 was first, some at the time I started thinking about how they died didn't have a canon near-death experience, like Price and Soap.

I took Ghost's og backstory, and the idea of Limbo was gotten from the fact he died in a coffin, in a state of in between life and death. What Limbo does to people was just 'scariest thing I could imagine' type of situation. In the end, I don't know if Limbo is scarier when Ghost couldn't control it, or when both he and Soap could.

With Soap, I knew I wanted something with explosions, so it was a no-brainer to make him die from one. I mentioned in another post, but revenant AU was originally at the very beginning just a thing of 'what if I put mw characters in my original magic system?', and in that scenario, Soap was the only one with powers, which were control over anti matter, meaning anything he touches or touches him explodes. The only scene from that one is of Soap pushing Ghost away and getting shot to high hell, only to go and explode the people that tried to kill him - which is chapter 8.

I chose to use Gaz's iconic hanging out of a chopper scene, because I found it funny tbh lol. Later, when I thought of how exactly he died, it became more serious.

Price's were just kinda random tbh. I figured telepathy is a good ability for a Captain.

Rudy obviously dies in the house fire he almost did in the campaign. Alejandro was harder, but I thought of how Graves locked him up in the black site prison alone, so I went for something similar.

It's not mentioned in the fic, but Farah was the youngest to die from all of them. The house collapse in the start of her flashbacks in mwi, where her father pulled her out of the rubble? She didn't survive it. She's a very rare revenant, to be Reaped when she was a kid.

Farah and Ghost's og backstory have a lot of similarities, in my mind they're parallels to each other. What Farah had that Ghost didn't, however, is other people, a community. I think that's why she didn't lose herself the way Ghost did.

Alex's was difficult, because his canon near-death experience was being exploded, like Soap. I used the fact he's ex CIA, to figure he probably took part of many covert operations, and one went wrong. He was caught, so now he can go invisible. This was the thing I failed to make clear the most in the fic, I think, since a few people asked, more than anything else.

Thomas Anderson, the revenant with underwater breathing abilities, was originally made just for Ghost to roast him. When chapter 8 rolled around, and I needed a random revenant to kill there, I thought using the one established would make sense.

Accidental foreshadowing like this was what carried the fic, tbh. It was like a huge session of 'yes, and'ing myself. A little bit of bullshitting confidently, sometimes it felt like that lmao.

The wedding vows in chapter 31 were, again, unplanned. Ghost said "till death do us apart, Johnny?", so I started looking up Christian wedding vows in English because I don't fully remember them. Later I thought "wait, Soap is Catholic, maybe they have a different version." and then I thought, "shit, he's fuckin' Scottish, he won't use fucking American Catholic vows." (maybe he would idk).

Anyway, I found the Celtic vows present in the fic, which sounded like a metaphor, so perfect I couldn't use them just for the original joke they were meant for. So Soap ends up reciting literal wedding vows at the man.

[here's a link to the website I found the vows at]

Last thing is the whole Makarov tie in to Konchar. I was thinking about how we never really dove deep into why Konchar did what he did, besides having his Reaper tell him "you have to kill Soap before he kills you". I heard an advice somewhere, that in world building you have to dive in two questions for it to be believable.

So, let's take Konchar for example. First question is, "how did Soap killing Konchar not bring on an international incident between Kastovia and the UK?". The answer is, "Konchar was an army deserter." Second question is, "why did Konchar desert the army?", and the second answer is, "because he left to work with Makarov."

We don't need to know why he left, not at the point I left the fic at. Those two answers would be enough for readers to not feel like there's a plot hole there, at least according to that advice I've heard.

NOW, with all of that out of the way, I wanted to post the notes I've made on each revenant's powers, because I thought it could be interesting for someone. AND! I kept some deleted scenes, and it would be a shame to just let them rot in the Google Doc lol.

First up, list of revenants and their powers:

[These aren't 100% accurate anymore, as they were written before I started writing the fic, and I only added stuff to them]

Ghost - limbo: is able to send a circle around him into “limbo”, a space between life and death, that no one can escape. Filled with his enemies. Only way to survive is if ghost brings you to the eye of the storm, where he keeps himself safe of his own powers. Ghost can be killed by any means if taken by surprise and doesnt activate his powers.

If stands still too long, inky hands start grasping at him from the ground. Prefers to sleep elevated.

Died in a coffin.

From chapter 21 and beyond - able to wield to withstand fire in his right hand.

Soap - explosion: cant be killed by explosions, and can explode anything he touches. Any injury with the root cause being explosion (fall from high building, debris scratches, etc.) will be healed, but he does feel pain from it. Gunshots cant kill him (the bullets shoot with explosions). Can be killed by any melee attack, poison, electricity.

Fire burns from his fingertips, hard to put out. Spreads when agitated. Hot to the touch.

Died from a fall because of an explosion.

From chapter 21 and beyond - able to wield the protective light in his left hand in Limbo.

Gaz - gravity: can manipulate gravity of himself and objects he touches. Cant die from falling. Can be killed by any means, but hard to catch and aim at while at motion.

Usually floats a couple inches off ground.

Died in a helicopter accident.

Price - telepathy: can talk and transmit simple ideas to other around him. Can feel emotions of others. Can be killed by any means, but Price can manipulate the enemies thoughts and distract them.

His thoughts can “leak” if left unguarded.

Died after being abandoned and without comms.

Alejandro - phase: can phase through solid objects, including bullets. Can be killed by any means if caught by surprise.

Sometimes accidentally phases through things.

Died in captivity.

Rodolfo - ice: can lower the temperature of anything he touches rapidly. Can freeze and jam guns. Can inflict ice burns. Can be killed by any means beside fire.

Breath always visible, cold to the touch.

Died in a fire.

Farah - steelskin: can deflect any attack to her body. Bullets, knives, rockets. Can be killed by poison easily, as needles cant pierce her skin and therefore medical administration is hard to give.

Skin shines oddly.

Died from a stab wound. [changed to what I explained above]

Youngest to become a revenant.

Alex - invisibility: can become invisible. Otherwise can be killed by any means, hard to spot.

Skin sometimes flickers.

Died when got caught.

Graves - shadow company: can create “shadows”, puppets he controls. Can be killed by any means, but hard to get through his shadows.

Doesnt have a shadow of his own, eyes become milky and vacant, leaking after a while.

Died from betrayal.

[I didn't manage to find a place to add this - yes, Graves died after his squad betrayed him. His powers are a replacement for the whole army. His last line, "Me? I am the army." was what he boiled down to. Limbo's victims marking him a traitor was two fold. He betrayed the 141, Vaqueros, the UFL and basically everyone around him, but he also betrayed his own Reaper, who gave him powers to not go through that very thing. It's also another reason why chapter 30 is called 'Die As You Live'.]

Kirill “Konchar” Bogomolov - telekinesis: can move objects with his mind. Can protect himself from any physical attack, and redirect them towards the attacker. Is a revenant of the Pull, like Gaz.  (name means “Lord” and “devotionalist”) First death from RPG, second death by Soap.

Now, for the cut content. Most of these are one scene, usually one that didn't fit the emotinal arc of the characters, or the direction was going somewhere I didn't like. There's one that is a page and a half long, and that chapter was one of the hardest to write, so I practically restarted it at one point.

I'll try to add the context they were originally in if I remember.

[Context: the scene in Chapter 5, where Ghost watches the night sky out of a window, unable to sleep, and Soap comes to speak with him for the first time since they fought about Soap's tendenticy to let himself get hurt. Soap says he heard rumors about Ghost, and Ghost asks what they said.]

“ (rumors) That you murder our soldiers.”

Something akin to fear rang through his chest. So he knows… He supposes it was meant to happen eventually.

Soap’s face, for some reason, doesn’t lose its newfound cheerfulness.

“And what do you think about those rumors?” Hell knows why he wants to keep hearing him talk.

“Well, that makes the two of us.”

… What.

“What?” Ghost intelligently mutters.

Soap’s eyes widen, face not unlike a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

[Reason to cut: Soap wasn't supposed to admit that yet. He also wouldn't have done it in such a non-chalant way, with how heavy the guilt weighs on him.]

[Context: Chapter 10, where Ghost was showing his powers to the Vaqueros and Graves.]

The Captain’s voice fills his head, “field’s clear, go ahead Lieutenant.”

Ghost glances one last time at Soap’s figure, no more than a small speck, far, far away from him.

He closes his eyes. The warm air of Las Almas dissipates into the chill of Limbo.

He opens them, confused. The void is quiet, the residents of Limbo looking at the distance, calm and still. It reminds him of… before.

Ghost frowns, narrowing his eyes to try and see what caught their attention. There, a far away point flickers.

A small, white flame. Where… Soap was standing. 

Ghost blinks and stumbles back. Price instantly sounds in his mind, “Simon, what’s going on?!”

“I saw something there…” He makes eye contact with the Captain, who is now jogging towards him, Gaz and Soap behind him. “Light… from Johnny.”

It can’t be… how is Soap able to affect Limbo? Every single spiritulogist he met agreed on the fact he’s a sort of master over Limbo, that the realm is a manifestation he’s inseparably linked to.

The only thing others can do there, is die.

“What do you mean light?” Price urges on.

“A small flame. Where Soap was. The victims were all staring at it.”

The 141 members reach him, Johnny rushing to him, “are you alright?”

Ghost gapes at him, “you’re different. I’ve… changed you.”

Soap frowns, “what are ye on about?” he steps closer.

Ghost takes a step back, “stop.”

The Sergeant stills, a hurt expression flashing on his face before he schools his features.

Price invades his mind, “Simon, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down?! I fucked up Soap! I need to-”

The ladder patterns. Ghost turns around.

“SIMON RILEY”

“Reaper”, he exhales shakily.

“YOU’VE DOOMED YOURSELF. IT IS TOO LATE.”

“What are you talking about?!” Ghost screams, “you keep saying I’m gonna die, while Johnny keeps suffering!”

“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER REVENANTS, SIMON.”

The Reaper leans in to shriek in his ears, Ghost clutching his head uselessly.

“YOU ARE INTERTWINED.” 

Ghost cries from the pain. His Reaper does not falter.

“KILL HIM FIRST.”

His vision fades along with the Reaper’s words.

“Ghost! Fuck, someone get a medic” Someone shouts above him.

Another voice interjects, “he’s not injured, Sergeant. He’s with his Reaper.”

“From my experience, that doesn’t make me holler and pass out!”

A third person joins the conversation, “shut it! He’s waking up.”

Ghost groans and makes a move to rub his eyes, only to be stopped by his hard-shell mask. “Simon? You alright son?” Price asks, bringing the smell of fresh flowers and a soft bed to him.

He gets up (when did he lay down?) and mutters, “fine”. His voice hoarse from screaming. He takes in his team, the three of them concernedly crouch beside him, except Soap, who’s pacing around.

The Sergeant stops and eyes him warily. 

“My Reaper’s mad.” he says in lieu of explanation to the others.

Soap stops, and looks down at him, still avoiding his stare, “it’s because of me, isn’t it?”

He sighs, “when those arms started grabbing ye I thought it was gonna-”

“What arms?” Ghost gets up.

“The dark arms from the ground, don’t tell me you didn’t noti-”

Ghost grabs the front of Soap’s shirt, “you fuckin’ see them?!”

The Sergeant struggles against his iron tight grasp, “aye! Thought I was hallucinating last night, fuckers made a pass at me-”

Ghost pushes him away, “fuckin’ hell”. 

What the fuck is going on?! Nobody can see the victims outside of Limbo. It’s almost like…

“He has some of my powers…” Ghost whispers to himself.

But that’s not possible? 

[Reason to cut: chapter wasn't working out for me. Characters not reacting in character. Reaper not supposed to show up just yet, and what it says kinda repeats previous encounters.]

[Context: chapter 13, instantly after Rudy and Gaz confront Ghost on his relationship with Soap.]

What, do they think he and Soap are sleeping side by side every night, comfortably tangled under the thin sheets? That he warms himself on his Sergeant’s eternal flame, that Johnny brushes his charred, calloused fingers over his arms, his shoulders, his neck, chasing away the cold, inky grasp Limbo always has on him? That Ghost reciprocates, that he holds Johnny’s face softly, bringing them closer and closer until-

[Reason to cut: out of character. Ghost doesn't think about affectionate actions, he jsut does them. Too early in the story for him to express such wants.]

[Context: I don't remember honestly. Entire scene was cut. Might be later in chapter 13, before Graves threatens Ghost.]

He catches Alejandro pacing around the base one day, frowning and arguing with Rudy in Spanish. From what Ghost can pick up, it’s something about an American. He’s pretty damn certain which one.

“Vargas, any issues?” he stops him before the man pops a blood vessel.

Alejandro glances at him, scanning their surroundings for eavesdropping ears. “Come with me.”

The three enter the Vaquero Commander’s office, Rudy locking it behind them, “it’s about Graves.” Alejandro starts pacing again, “fucking gringo is ordering his shadows to collect intel on us.”

“What?” that’s a huge fucking development.

Rudy is quick to correct him, “we can’t prove anything. But yes… Graves knows more than he should.”

“He knows about secret tunnels we have under the base, and weapon stashes that not even Price knows about. We got fucking Shepherd trying to get us to use locations for the mission he shouldn’t even know exist.”

Ghost feels the tension climb up his spine, “what the fuck do you think he’s playing at?”

Alejandro exhales loudly, “whatever it is, [I didn't finish the sentence]

[Reason to cut: Decided that Vaqueros wounldn't suspect Graves, and he wouldn't risk his powers found by using Shadows to spy on them. Didn't like where the scene was directing the story.]

[Context: chapter 19, when Ghost asks Gaz for help with showing emotions with Soap. Gaz asks why can't he now.]

Garrick nods thoughtfully, “and what is it that stops you? Fear?”

Ghost clenches his teeth, this conversation feels like pulling them out one by one, “I’m not afraid of him.”

“Wasn’t saying that sir”, Gaz thrums on his boot, “could be rejection, or… shit. Of course.” he stares at Ghost, eyes soft.

“The fuck’s it?” he glares back.

Gaz releases his powers, standing up in front of him, “you need to get over your fear of feeling.”

[Reason to cut: out of character. Wouldn't confront emotions head on. Unnatural for Gaz to just state that, rather have it implied. Not where I wanted Ghost's mentality to go.]

[Context: no idea. Probably after Ghost sent Soap to Limbo, and he gained an immunity to it.]

“We don’t have to be afraid, Simon. You can’t hurt me anymore.” Johnny whispers

[Reason to cut: don't remember.]

Tumblr is starting to lag, which means this post is huge lmao. Again, thank you to each and every one of you! The response to the fic was amazing, I never expected my little revenant AU to turn into something this big!

I loved the experience of writing Not Alive, Nor Dead. You can certainly expect more from me in the future!

For now, I have to focus on uni, and after that I have a few ideas for comics I wanna do. Might make a few oneshots in between, but no big projects like this one just yet!

[autumngracy]

Hi, just a random question from a fan of AROS (for which I have no coherent words to decribe my admiration)- I'm sure you've been asked this a million times already, but I'm quite new to this fandom, so forgive me and feel free to ignore the question, of course- who did you base your Javert on, appearance-wise?

Actually I don't think anyone directly asked this before!

To be honest I didn't actually base him on anything or anyone in particular ... I think the reason for this is because I read the brick before ever seeing any adaptations of Les Mis, so the first Javert I pictured was just my own interpretation of him from the brick ...

And what's funny is I can't remember if I originally pictured him with short hair or long hair. I read the 1938 Heritage Press edition of the brick, which is the Wraxall translation + about 1500 Lynd Ward illustrations, and in those illustrations he has short hair. But, oddly, I didn't remember it as being short in those illustrations? I had to go back and look years layer to confirm. (Alas, my beautiful Heritage Press copy is lost somewhere now!)

So I don't know if the long hair thing was me originally picturing it that way despite the illustrations being otherwise (possibly because the illustrative style made it somewhat vague at first?), or if it was from me later getting brainrot from looking at all the post Terrance Mann Javert designs ...

Best I can say about the hair issue is, well ... I just really happen to like male characters with long hair ... idk why lol. I have a lot of male OCs with long hair and every time I make one, part of my brain goes "Another one? For real? Do we not have enough of these little bitches already? If you don't stop putting long hair on all these characters people are gonna start to think you have some kind of kink."

Which. Well. I'm actually asexual so idk lol I think it's just an aesthetic preference

ANYWAY

For his wardrobe, that's just the brick descriptions plus factual research into 1830's era menswear. The only anachronistic element of his appearance really is his hair, but I do get around that by pointing out that he could have simply picked the (older and naval oriented) style up while he was at the Bagne (which did in fact have a dress mandate for keeping long hair tied up, suggesting it was a common enough hairstyle among the guards) and just never dropped it even after it became unfashionable—because A) he doesn't seem to give two shits about being fashionable, B) keeping short hair means either spending money to keep it short or having an intimate enough relationship with someone that they will do it for you free—neither of which I can see him wanting to do—and also C) he appears to be a creature of habit, so keeping the same, easily self-maintained hairstyle over the years fits my understanding of him.

Also, I'm not even exaggerating his tools of the trade because there really is a line in the brick about him having some kind of sword, which I had to go back and reread several times because it surprised even me (but it's 3am and I'm too assed to look it up rn). And we already know he has 2 pistols and a bludgeon (which the brick says he holds tucked up invisibly in his sleeve, Assassin's Creed style, lmao).

On another subject—

Given his stiff and distanced way of interacting with the world, questionable of social skills (see him bluescreening when Fantine is pleading with him in the mairie by way of what may be thinly veiled sexual advances), as well as his black and white thinking, penchant for being distracted by his thoughts to the point of complete obliviouness, propensity to either give extremely short responses or to go into ranting monologues, with little in between—plus the idea that he hates reading but makes himself do it for self improvement reasons, and how he seems to start stimming when lost in thought—I could definitely see him possibly being Autistic or having ADHD.

Now then, about his race ...

I know originally I actually pictured him differently than the Javert I wrote for my fic—as more white, at least—the way he appeared in the Lynd Ward until I read people discussing how he was probably supposed to be part Romani. And when it came to me having to pick conclusive character designs for my fic, I thought it would be much more interesting if it was a Javert who was visibly Romani instead of white passing, which he seems to be in most everything that bothers to mention his background.

I do find it weird that he's seemingly been played by nothing but white guys except for Norm Lewis and David Oyelowo (that I can find). So there's never really been a Romani Javert in stage or screen adaptations ... However, there's still a decent amount of fanart that shows him as darker skinned/Romani, so at least there's that.

Anyway I find that a visibly non white Javert just adds a lot more nuance and depth to his character, even compared to a still Romani but white passing version of him. Because then it changes how he interacts with and views the world (and vice versa), and it changes or adds to his motivations for doing what he does. It brings his (very canon!) struggle with internal racism to the forefront, which a lot of adaptations downplay or completely ignore.

I think part of why this appeals to me is that in modern times we are very used to the idea of the shitty oppressive white cop who is approaching everything from a position of absolute privilege and authority (which is a very shallow and uninteresting archetype, character-wise) ... and brick canon Javert, regardless of whether or not he is white passing, is not coming from a position of privilege—and not just because he is poor. He is coming from a position of social insecurity and vulnerability, which (at least it seems to me) he is trying desperately to escape/overcome.

And this makes his motivations for choosing his specific job far more interesting than "shitty white cop that enforces the status quo because he gets off on exerting power over other people". It suggests a sort of willful mental dissonance and denial that also make a lot of sense in hindsight when we consider the effects of his derailment.

The idea of him snapping and realizing for the first time that most everything he was doing was morally corrupt (or at least highly questionable) is one thing (and a level of obliviousness/ignorance that is somewhat hard to believe, imo) ...

But the idea that he knew how morally reprehensible his actions were all along, and was repressing it on purpose? To gain the only foothold he could see on the ladder of a world he was born on the lowest rung of? And after decades, is forced by external factors to finally, finally look his decisions in the eye and confront himself about them?

Well, shit. That hits a lot harder, doesn't it?

And it certainly hits him pretty hard. Obviously (as I pointed out in the the fic) he did mentally store away notes of things he found morally questionable about/during his career over the years—he just didn't let himself act on them. But it implies he was aware of the injustices, even if he only relegated that awareness to his subconscious.

The brick talks about how he felt he existed outside of society and had only two choices in life—black and white thinking; criminal vs protector, etc.—and it spells out how this is pretty much the direct result of his internalized rascism—so, I mean ... I don't think it's unlikely that canon Javert knew from the beginning that he was sacrificing his his heritage, culture, and moral compass in pursuit of respect and recognition from society (and thereby, social safety).

And in a Post-Seine world, he's forced to reconcile with all of that.

I may have just spoiled a major upcoming plot point for AROS tbh but oh well I was dropping breadcrumbs of foreshadowing about it the entire goddamn time lmao