#also i'm so far behind i'm so sorry
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Hello may 31th anon! Look at that, another year behind us and a new one to come. Have a nice day! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
#may 31th anon#hello friends!! (。’▽’。)♡ how are you!! I missed you so much!#I'm sorry that once again i have not been posting but I did that thing again where I got scared of posting#I do not know why but it is the same with physical paper diarys#I have 3 diarys and they all have 1 entry#I think one just says 'I am ten'#what have you been up to!! did you do something fun? is it summer too where you live? c:#my tumblr messages seem to be broken! I'm sorry if you wrote something :C it just says 'no new messages' despite also saying new messages#not a lot has happened here! I got a tomato plant and then I got very invested into the tomato plant and I have eaten three tomatos so far (#my roses are also doing well!! I just got a new yellow rose and since she got here she only made orange flowers#I do not know the meaning of that#but I am very thankful! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ I love it when things are orange!!#I've been trying to buy an orange shirt for the past 2 weeks but they always sell out before I get to them#I'm also thinking about buying a jean jacket#I have not worn a jean jacket for at least 15 years because one time in 7th grade tthe girl behind me said#that I was wearing a cool jean jacket and I just assumed that this was bullying for no actual reason#but maybe she just thought that it was an acutal cool jean jacket#we'll soon have out 10 year school reunion#maybe I should ask her#is anyone else going to a secret Sherlock phase again#I just want to see that silly little hat again#would sherlock holmes wear a jean jacket#have a nice day everyone!!#see you soon hopefully!!#♡^▽^♡
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// ocs as patron saints. [x]
tagged by; @katsigian, @deadrlngers and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!
tagging; @mojaves, @dickytwister, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf and YOU!
– PATRON SAINT OF RELICS.
patron saint of remembering. patron saint of holding something close. patron saint of holding on for too long. for a saint, a relic is often a part of the body, kept for some physical memento of their holiness. they are all in your hands, now: does it feel like remembrance? does it feel sanctified? are the dust and blood as precious as they're supposed to be?
hindsight carries the gun of his deceased father, the last memory he holds of the past and of what used to be his family; he is alone, a vessel for all that used to be, carrying the burden of remembrance like a chain around his neck. he has made himself easily digestible, to fit in, to not stand out; yet the past clings to him tighter than the present and forces him on his knees, forced to worship a twisted and faux idyllic retelling of a place he can no longer get back to.
– PATRON SAINT OF HEARTBREAK.
not of comfort. not of condolences. there is a heart and there is a fissure, a fracture, something that starts to splinter and break open. you're the patron saint of the way a heart is rent open. the way it tears itself apart. patron saint of the rift. patron saint of the gash. when they say to "open your heart" to somebody, you are the patron saint of bleeding out.
erytheia is a grave domain cleric, and has witnessed more burials in her lifetime than any being ever should. she has seen the countless ways in which the best of her abilities still did not suffice, her healing more than often merely prolonging a life rather than saving it; and she carries the consequences of it wherever she goes, the faces of those who were left behind, the broken hearts and wails of sorrow like a symphony in the dead of night, chasing after the trail of blood left by her bleeding heart.
– PATRON SAINT OF BLOOD.
patron saint of the life that flows through our bodies. patron saint of violence. patron saint of love. something that does not watch over but exists within: not for protection but for vitality. there is no passion without a beating heart at its core. when that heart breaks open, someone has to be responsible for what it bleeds.
juniper is full of life, full of passion. her heart hungers and beats viciously within her ribcage, threatening to burst out; all of which shows in her unexpected ferocity in battle, as well as in the way her hands hold the waist of her lover, whoever is within her reach when her desire threatens to spill over. a mouth that kisses as much as it bites, and teeth that graze vulnerable skin and dig into tender flesh; she is a predator, and gods save whoever becomes her next prey.
#tag games#ask:erytheia#ask:hindsight#ask:juniper#sorry for being insane with the commentary but i'm not normal about these guys okay#they're all part of my homebrew world btw :]#but yeah basically hindsight is being eaten alive by the past and every bad thing that happened to him that he can't even see#that the present is now also swalling him whole because of how far he's gone to mask all the things he believes make him stand out#and make him unloveable. he basically turned himself into that smooth spongebag freak and then wonders why he barely feels alive#meanwhile erytheia is so happy and cheery all the time and she deals relatively well with death and losing people#but she is absolutely HAUNTED by the people who were left behind. the loved ones of the people she couldn't save#being haunted by the living as a cleric is something that can be so (eats my fist#and then you have juniper who is overflowing with this energy that she needs to get out of herself somehow#and it translates into anger and lust and violence and desire and pain and love and the lines between all of them have blurred so much#to the point she doesn't even know what she's after anymore. she wants to have it all she hungers for more and more and more#but she can't just keep taking. and what happens when she's had enough? will she have ever had enough???#anyway as you can see i'm being normal about these people
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i don't really like confessions blogs because i feel like they just fuel the fire for fandom discourse but ngl i agree with pretty much everything that's been posted on the is*t one so far so i'm okay with it for now lol 👍
#bwark#like i said it before that s*floop just doesn't really hit for me when it comes to see them romantically#and i feel like there is this expectation to ship them#SPOILER TAG INCOMING I DON'T WANT TO SPOILER TAG THIS SO THIS IS YOUR WARNING:#/#//#///#////#/////#i just can't get behind selfcest at all i think. not like as a moral thing because i think people who have it on their dnis are weird#just it doesn't appeal to me#ik i'm saying that when emery and i have a running joke about us being the same people because we think so alike but ultimately obviously we#are different people and not actually the exact same person#and like i still support the ship at a distance for my mutuals who ship it but tbh i think those two being some secret 17th thing is far#more interesting#also the ''loop joining the party feels forced'' anon is so real too. im sorry but i cannot see loop ever seeing siffrin's party the same#way they viewed their own#the best take though was the one about how a lot of post-loop fan content feels very infantilizing to siffrin#fucking THANK YOU jesus christ this shit drives me mad#there's being concerned and protective and then there's constant helicoptering around him and treating him like a child#and so many fics fall into the latter#in a similar vein i personally hate when it feels like a lot of people give siffrin the idiot ball#like.......they're forgetful not clueless??? there's a difference????
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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"Even if the sky cracks in mourning / And the heavens just won't open up for me" A Series of Small Offerings - II/12 - day20
#a series of small offerings#sleep token fanart#elaboration on this piece further down in the tags because this one may confuse people i think#(also please note that i firmly believe that the from the room below version of this song is the superior one)#(so the art was made with that version in mind because that is the version that lives rent free in my brain for reasons)#i've been thinking so much how to approach this one.. i knew pretty much since i've made the challenge that i will go with this line#specifically because i refuse to hear it as the lyrics sites and spotify tells me to hear it (as it appears in the post) but instead#i don't hear the 'the' in any version of the song i'm sorry that is just not there#so i'm convinced it is 'as the sky cracks in mourning'#(sky cracking-lightning;sky mourning-rain)#which is also exactly how the song feels to me#being a sad wet cat of a person standing bare feet in a strom and just crying 'why i was i so blind to my own hubris'#specifically in relation of finally (and far too late) understanding you fucked up a relationship so bad it still hurts years after#if you've ever felt anything remotely similar you know what i'm talking about#and you get why i refuse it being 'in the morning' instead of 'in mourning'#vessel i#vessel#vessel sleep token#vessel fanart#sleep token band#sleeptoken#levynn tries to draw#sleep token#edit: i don't mean to offend those who stand behind the line being 'in the morning' btw i just don't hear it#and i don't think i'm correct. i'm correct for me. not in your stead. half the lyrics can be heard at least two ways#edit2: appearently i'm actually right about something for a change.. a truly unusual turn of events#see comments for referrence pls#also edited this post to the correct lyrics#but leaving the tags for context 'cause thw original version of the post has been rb-d before editing i think
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a lot of people seem to use Entry #61 as 'proof' for the crux of the "Brian didn't care about Tim, he was Taking Advantage of Tim's conditions and Forcing him to work as part of totheark" thing, but honestly when you think about it there's no possible way Brian could have possibly orchestrated that series of events, like you almost have to interpret that as a baffling group of coincidences
#N posts stuff#mh lb#it's not like Brian has loads of mutual friends that he could ask to call Tim out one night; Tim's departure right as Brian showed up#just has to be a coincidence ; second yes. Brian does steal Tim's meds & that's a dick move but it's almost safe to assume#that Tim and Brian had been sharing prescriptions back in S1 - that's why the pills were at Brian's house that time Jay broke in#even if Tim no longer remembers that agreement it's not like Brian is brimming with other options so i can see the throughline of it#but there's NO way that Brian knew that 1) Tim was going to immediately turn around and come back home OR#2) be in the throes of an attack when he did so ; there's no Possible way he planned for that -- even if you Could assume that like. what#Brian 'knows' the operator is following him & Somehow orchestrated an encounter 1) no that doesn't make any sense and#2) that Still doesn't make any sense bc Tim has been Plenty Close to the Operator before w/ almost no negative effects (like in#Entry 17 when it's Right behind him) so there's no possible way Brian could have predicted that would unfold this way#sure it's weird he sets up the camera in the closet before Tim comes back but that Could Have been something unrelated#after all sometimes Brian DOES deliberately put himself on camera so someone knows he's responsible for something#or maybe he even planned to leave the camera there for later but it doesn't make Sense to interpret that as him Knowing what would happen#like don't get me wrong i'm not trying to say Brian is a pinnacle of ethics and moral behavior lmfao but also it's like#a kind of incomprehensible argument to make that he was Responsible for Triggering Tim's seizure that night when for all the#information Brian had on hand when he broke in he'd think Tim probably wouldn't be back home until much later#(''but the Creators Clearly intended'' yeah sure but since the creators also failed to establish a coherent series of events that SHOW#it then like. the intent doesn't matter anymore; sure they scripted the events in close succession but that doesn't mean they#scripted Intent & if they meant to then they did a bad job portraying it to the point the supposed intent is meaningless sorry lmao)#and EVEN IF you get this far and you're Still like 'but tim went after Jay and Brian would've Known he'd do that' like. no he wouldn't#because in Entry 18 when we see Tim have a seizure the first thing he does when jay approaches him after it is Run Away#so Again there's no consistent throughline of behaviors that Brian could have Possibly known about to orchestrate jack shit
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my last week, a visual demonstration
#Robin processes emotions on main#hi yes I came back early. it's in order to process. I needed to like.... spill my guts on the dashboard tonight#IM STRUGGLING..#I have GOT to get a job#just one (1) more visit to a friend this summer and then I will be APPLYING for things again#also I'm having the very devil of a time trying to get myself to contribute to this household. I hate it#I hate that helping out makes me feel like I'm losing my agency—losing myself—like I'm dying every time. I want to be BETTER than this#but I also need to feel like an adult with agency but also I need to BEHAVE like an adult but even just saying that makes me feel nauseous#I need. something. to change. I hate this. I feel selfish and cowardly and I hate feeling selfish and cowardly#I need to . communicate. work something out with my mother so that I stop feeling perpetually behind and ashamed#if I could manage to feel good about chores and not just like I'm scrambling to keep up..... that would..... be... more... motivational#the problem is that I feel unsafe/unstable right now and my instinctive response is to close myself off to all demands#WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO BECOMING MORE STABLE.#demand avoidance makes me bad at contributing to the household AND terrified of applying to jobs and AUGH... AUGH.#I DO BETTER WHEN I LIVE ON MY OWN#living on my own‚ I don't have to deal with the whole soul-crushing horrorshow of negotiating my own emotions about doing chores#chores are GOOD and ENJOYABLE when they're for ME. they're only psychological torture when they're things I do as part of my ''rent''#ok. bedtime. I've sufficiently spilled my dang guts all over the place. it will get better eventually I think#I'm just having a horrible time Right Now#I'll figure this out though dangit#I KNOW the answer is to just Do the stuff and face fears and communicate and whatever I KNOW. but if anyone tells me that I'm going to bite#ok I'm done thank you and sorry to anyone reading this far <3 it really will be all right
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it's me and all the women in literature described in despondent unhappiness in a marriage that they don't hate but don't enjoy as they should and who feel as if they're not the way a woman should be and who yearn to be free of their husband and children not because they despise them but because they're not for a husband and children and who can't say that they're miserable but who feel a numb kind of despair in all that disconnectedness and disconnectedness and disconnectedness. they are just like me for real
#we have the same kind of depression 👍 but also. i can see so clearly that that's the way i would be if i still thought i was a girl.#and i had grown up to get married to someone and tried to be a woman and a mother like that. god...#edna pontellier hold on. i'm going out into the sea with you. we'll drown together.#laura brown from the hours on my kin list 👍#need to reread the hours so bad. opened up my copy of it to check if laura had killed herself at the end or not for this post#and just skimming the last few chapters made me tear up. god. but there are still the hours aren't there? one and then another...#and then you get through that one and then my god there's another...#um. books that make you go 'okay so maybe i have wanted to kill myself a little bit all these years. but maybe i'm going to be okay'#the book ever honestly it is Everything to me#and kate chopin's the awakening is good as well. much to be said about the depiction of people of color in that novel#but the depiction of edna pontellier's mental state is so. ough.#glances at the ratings on goodreads nd stuff have made me so irritated.#god forbid a woman commit the ultimate selfish sin of leaving her children behind because she's so miserable by killing herself.#because far worse than the thought that she could be losing all her personhood moment by moment#and wasting her life away feeling like a shell of a person#pales. in comparison to the thought that she could POSSIBLY abandon the children she didn't really want to have.#of course it's a bad situation for the kids. sorry to raoul and etienne. but they will survive.#condemning the main character for having the audacity to go off and die... sickening. i hate people#valentine notes
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
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#i know this is just burnout#but i'm so frustrated with my own body like#the first two years of grad school i was taking 2 classes per semester#sometimes working 1-2 jobs at a time#and then sometimes speaking at conferences too#*while* still slowly working on my thesis#(admittedly not getting very far at all in the writing stage)#and it burned me out *so bad*#and now just taking one class and writing my thesis tires me out tremendously#sure i'm actually *writing* it now and making so much more progress#but i'm no longer working. or taking any other classes. i'll probably do more conference stuff later but...how did i do it all???#also i'm so behind in networking like???#where is my energy???#i can barely even do thesis work for my than 3-4 hours at most before i need to stop for the day..and that's on a good day#idk i feel like i make this post multiple times per year and nothing changes health wise lol#sorry i'm just sitting here in this coffee shop and i want to cry lol i feel so tired and unmotivated lol#grad school tag
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i have once again been sucked into critical role by the gravitational pull of essek thelyss and am furiously attempting to catch up
#I've been pretty far behind for months#but once i hit episode 94 and essek came back i was like#oh crap i gotta catch up faster#i'm sure by the time i actually catch up he'll be gone again *sigh*#also downfall!!#had to watch brennan DM another doomed mageocracy#i'd been hoping he'd DM an aeor game for so long#so anyways critical role!!! sidetracked me again#my offline life has also been really busy#so between that and essek hyperfixation#not much bandwidth for me for other things alas#i am sorry!#for anyone who cares#once i catch up to CR i will return to the promised regularly scheduled posting of the fencing au#the latest with liz
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"why did dragon abandon luffy but brought sabo along" this probably works against dragon actually but the canon reason at this point is that he would have literally gone full kuma-with-bonney mode if anything had happened to luffy and the wg had used luffy against him while back when he randomly picked up sabo out of the sea he couldn't have cared less about sabo. hope this helps
#“if you keep asking you might as well just kill me” vs “if sabo actually killed cobra I'm done with him”#no I'm sure dragon cares for the revs more than enough#they're his people#he spent years looking for a cure to bonney's illness for kuma he DOES care#but he also didn't stage a coup on the celestial dragons when ginny got captured#and when iva and inazuma ended up in impel down he left them there#i mean dude's got his priorities and the overall cause is above the singular people fighting for it#it just so happens that luffy matters to him more than the cause#like sorry excuse me are you actually asking who mattered more to him between his own son and a random kid#as i said i wouldn't say this works in dragon's favor as far as being a selfless loving man goes#but if you're asking the question because you actually want an answer this is why#he had no clue who sabo was and the kid was begging to be brought along#why would have dragon left him behind#he had no reason to worry about sabo being used against him#it wouldn't have worked anyway
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YASSSSS KEYSIE YASSSSS. You are fulfilling a need I didn’t know I had with that scene in the bathroom, cannot wait for the next chapter!
LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i said fastburn dorlene i meant FASTburn dorlene baby xxxxxxxx my girls are already fucking in the bathroom xxxxxx slags xxxxx
whilst we're here i am actually going to be cheeky and use this post to expand the tags SO
for two knights defence, my new wolfstar & dorlene fic (reggie is still a main character though lol love him and regus are still besties of COURSE) here is a brief expansion on the big three tags (minor character death, explicit sexual content, graphic depictions of violence):
Warnings
Graphic Depictions of Violence - The characters are all either part of the Order, the Death Eaters, or a vigilante group; they’re all fighting, and they’re all fighting each other. Their missions will be part of the main plot so we will see firsthand what those missions entail (violence!). - They have knives, wands, and some even have guns. And they absolutely use them, and sometimes they use them on each other. I don’t think the tag ‘morally grey character’ is wholly relevant here (though it probably is actually now I think about it given all the murder and stuff) but the approach to violence you typically see under this tag is definitely seen in this fic. These folks are stabbing people up and then sleeping like a baby at night okay - The main characters—Wolfstar especially—are not always on the same side, so they will fight each other, and they will hurt each other. However, the wolfstar romance is nowhere near slowburn, and Remus at least knows who Sirius works for from the beginning and therefore knows he’s not his real enemy, so it never gets to the point where they’re anywhere near killing each other. They’re both also insane so it gets to the point that violence is foreplay I’ll be honest - I will not be tagging specific violence CWs within the chapters because there will be varying levels of violence constantly throughout, however I do not anticipate it getting to gruesome horrifying levels or gore at any point so you’re fine on that front. If for some reason it does get a bit excessive I’ll flag that in the AN, but I doubt that will happen. Minor Character Death - Characters (plural) are going to die but none of them can be considered main characters—I want to make that absolutely clear—but that does not mean we won’t get to know them and sometimes even like them before they get killed off - All characters that die will be dying on screen; remember the graphic depictions of violence tag! Explicit Sexual Content - There will be explicit girl sex!!!!!! There will be explicit boy sex!!!!!!!! It won’t be every chapter but this fic is definitely smut heavy compared to other stuff I’ve written so gird your loins baby. - Both tagged relationships engage in debased slutty behaviour and we love that for them. We’re talking rough sex, mirror kinks, panty kinks, some absolutely filthy mouths, a bit of exhibitionism, possessiveness, aggressiveness, obsessiveness… I will flag the NSFW chapters in the AN at the beginning but I won't go any further than that in terms of a heads up so take heed.
#someone asked me a q#lovely wonderful anon#two knights defence#2kd#im not gonna lie folks#this is my fave fic so far and i've only written a prologue and a chapter lol#but i have planned this whole baby#and i am sooo excited to write it i am chomping at the bit#but i will finish TML first !!!!! only two chaps left!!!!!#the next chapter is jegulus btw but the last one is wolfstar#sorry to the jeggy haters#also i am soooo behind on everything as usual so give me a mo i'm sorry for being pants at communication#and everything else#anywayz luv u#kiss kiss kiss#what's your big three mine is sex violence and death
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Hey uh
anyone here on Art Fight this year or-
Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.
You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...
I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...
#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW????#I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T#I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL#and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just-#-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out#-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL'#like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!!#but like. idk.#and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another-#-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy...#but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself#but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL#but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting...#especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me#one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces...#i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments.#it all felt so damn pointless#but I'm nothing if not a survivor#as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised'#I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up-#and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires#BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.
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Note to self: a large meal is a very effective sedative for hyperactive cats.
#not something i can do regularly obviously#but Mau was driving me up the wall ever since I brought them inside and closed the windows for the evening#he feels it's his god-given right to gallivant after dark even though i keep dragging his ass inside after every jail break#and he freaks out after 20 mins alone in the garden anyway#Moo also disgraced himself by throwing up his lunch all over my room‚ escaping while I was cleaning#and then finding himself stuck up another fencepost on the perimeter wall and mewling pathetically for me to rescue him#i went back to the house to fetch a ladder again only to find monsieur dragging his sorry butt up the steps behind me after all#maybe I do coddle them a bit too much#since keeping them inside all day is a flat impossibility in this house#they should have some degree of self-sufficiency so their fool asses can come home if they do prowl#i'm hoping that keeping them near home long enough will discourage them wandering too far even if they do go beyond the perimeter#for all dogs were exhausting i never had to worry about this shit with them#just close a door and a gate and boom. problem solved#cats though. fuckin Houdini-ass mfers#knee of huss#Méka Mau Moo#cat mom problems
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I'm just not fucking with it today. I dunno what the hell my problem is.
Amigos, I'm sorry and I love you very much.
#vaas montenegro#far cry experience#far cry 3#in character#but also how the person behind the muse is feeling right now#i'm so sorry
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