#my offline life has also been really busy

[callioope]

i have once again been sucked into critical role by the gravitational pull of essek thelyss and am furiously attempting to catch up

[here2bbtstrash]

as promised, here it is: The Big Life Update Post (aka m where the hell have u been and what the hell is going on with this blog)

TLDR: went thru it, came out better for it, i love y'all. and we're getting back into this writing thing as i have the time and capacity 🥳

2023 has been a bit of a whirlwind, to put it very mildly. while the first three months started off relatively smoothly, my saturn return began in the middle of march. only a few short weeks after that... well, i'd basically say everything went off the fucking rails.

content warning: drama talk incoming ft. extremely brief mentions of racism and racist hate mail (no specific details shared).

i haven't spoken on this yet since everything happened, and i want to be explicitly clear that i won't be speaking on it further after this post. but i just want you to understand where i've been at since april.

i will own it entirely and say: i fucked up. i put content in a story that i shouldn't have, that i had no business speaking on, and i think people were well within their right to call me out on it, one hundred percent. however, after i went offline at the end of april, my friends ended up learning that the person who initially stirred up all of the "tea", and submitted the first several anonymous posts about me to a hate blog, was actually someone i knew well and considered a friend.

this was someone whose stories i gladly beta'd, someone i consoled through multiple hard moments in their life, someone i actually even met in person. yep. this was also someone who had read the chapter of my story that featured the problematic content when it was released, and proceeded to send me paragraphs upon paragraphs of how much they enjoyed it, and the story as a whole. this is not to say that people can't change their minds on content after sitting with it, not at all. but to think that i had been through so much with this person, done so much to be there for them, and that they never once gave me any reason to think we were anything other than close friends. yet ultimately, they didn't feel they could come directly to me... or find quite literally any other way of dealing with the issue?

instead, they chose to send multiple messages about me to a hate blog, as well as hateful anons to several of my friends, thinking that we wouldn't know it was them (we did). not only that, but their actions encouraged an actual torrent of racist hate mail to be sent to all of my non-white friends who publicly chose to support me. ultimately, they ended up admitting all of this, and still, they never once apologized or showed even a single iota of remorsefulness or responsibility for the onslaught of vitriol they incited. (even though, you know, this whole thing was supposedly about how racism is bad.)

and this user is still on the platform, operating under a new blog name and pseudonym. so. that's fun. 💀

i don't say this to beat a dead horse, or to drum up sympathy, because i promise i don't want it. it's been long enough, i understand the mistakes i made, and i've done my part to take accountability for my actions. but i needed to start this post here to have you all understand where i was at the end of april - just in time for yoongi's tour 🤪 - in many ways, i felt like i had no friends, at least none that i could really trust. i felt unsure who might have been acting one way to my face, perhaps even praising me, but talking different about me behind my back. and it was beyond fucking nervewracking to think that i would be meeting so many friends IRL for the first time, quite literally days after what essentially felt like a public execution.

i wasn't doing well, to say the least.

and then... the funniest thing happened.

y'all showed the fuck up for me. in droves. in a way that i have quite literally never experienced in my lifetime and doubt i ever will again. even recounting it now is lowkey giving me chills. i received, literally, yes i counted, hundreds of DMs from the most incredibly kind people- on tumblr, on twitter, on discord, in AO3 comments. the vast majority of you wrote paragraphs: about what my stories have meant to you, about how you found my blog to be a safe space in the noise of the world, about how much you'd enjoyed our time together here. so many of you said something along the lines of "even if you never come back here again, please keep writing". honestly, for like a week straight all i could do was read my DMs and cry and cry and cry.

i didn't receive a single hateful DM. not one.

as if that alone isn't more blessings than i deserve in an entire lifetime, i also, you know. saw five shows of agust d on tour. (my credit card is still recovering.) spent two of the best nights of my life in pit getting a water bottle baptism and screaming myself hoarse. and met dozens of incredible moots, who held me when i cried, scream-laughed with me, and of course, drank plenty of booze with me.

at a time where i wondered to myself if i even had a single true friend in this fandom (or, like, in the world), you all showed me that i had so much more. that we had so much more-- we had a community. and i believe we still do. and i am more than ready to block out all the shit that doesn't matter and get back to having some fun around here.

in short: thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. if you sent me a sweet word, i promise you, i read it (and probably cried lmao). i wouldn't be doing any of this without you. i will never ever deserve all the love that you have shown me. but for as long as you'll have me, i'd love to have a fun stupid horny time in this little corner of the internet. as a part of our community. what a fucking gift it is. 🫶

phew. okay, so- that was april and may. it's november. what the fuck happened?

i knew i wanted to properly take time to get my head on straight before i found my way back to writing. what i wasn't expecting was to 1. fall in love, 2. get a new job, and 3. move myself and my cat approximately 800 miles across the country... but yeah, since the end of may, those 3 things are exactly what i've been doing!

i won't talk too much about my partner here, because our relationship is important enough to me that i want to keep it largely private, but my god. he is the most incredible human. i can't tell you how much of what i wrote out as silly little daydreams in my fanfiction has somehow manifested itself into this very real human being (like, it's kinda crazy lmao 🙈). i'm grateful for him every single day. and what makes it even more special is that we met for the first time in person while i was traveling for yoongi's tour - yep! he saw me going through so much upheaval, and fell for me all the same. just another thing i will never fully believe i deserve. but goddamn do i feel luckyyyyy 🥰

and in addition to my amazing partner (and in part because of him but honestly i had plans to move before i had even met this man it just happened to work out okay 🙄) i have also finally managed to do what i've been planning for the last year and a half, which is move my ass out of the southern suburbs where i'd been for nearly a decade, and to a ✨walkable city that actually has public transit✨ - what a fucking dream. i may have only been here 8 days, and i may not have much more to my name than my cat, my TV, and my mattress, but i swear to god, i've never been this happy in my entire life.

so yeah. exhale. like i said, it's been quite the year.

now i do want to end this with a small caveat, which is to say, i can't make a promise as to how much i can *be* here (particularly not compared to how terminally online i used to be lmao). i spent a lot of time online because i was unhappy and feeling very stuck with where i was in life, and i needed escapism, bad. now, i've finally gotten to a place where i'm excited to go out of my house and do things, but i still want to make intentional time for tumblr as a form of connection and community, and writing as a form of creative expression. these things are really important to me!!! i just ask that you give me some grace if i'm a little slow on the uptake. i promise i'm still here 🥰

and writing is gonna happen!!! i can't say much more than that, because tbh i haven't so much as opened a google doc since april, but i've been itching to get back to it. maybe.... we might start off....... with some........... drabble requests??? 👀 we'll see we'll see we'll see hehe.

in any case, i think that's more than enough for now 🤪 oh how i've missed babbling to you all, the gay people in my phone. i hope you're well, and if ya feel so inclined, i'd love it if you'd send me a comment or a DM on what you've been up to in the many months it's been since we've spoke! what's new in your life? what are we manifesting??

talk so so soon, eeeeee~ i'm so happy to be back~ love you babes!!! 🤍

[the-tarot-witch22]

First of all a big thankyou to you for always cheering me up and making me feel confident within my work, I'm so happy to know that you liked them. And yes it is actually funny because I do get some vibes of you two having same religion/culture yet I was also receiving something about European country/london especially so I was like is it a foreigner? But same culture hmm. But anything is possible so whatever that is you deserve the best and I'm sure you'll receive it. Also your fs definitely wants the best for you and love yourself, i also feel your higher-self would love herself too and as she should!!

Here's a feedback; OMG! Just few seconds in the reading and I'm already tearing up, because please the reading if just so beautiful :)) Okay so hearing about healing and self-love and all I'm just so happy because I've been doing a lot of shadow work and self-love is something very important to me now so knowing that my higher would reach that point of life where she's receiving the fruits of her hardwork I am very emotional, "Go for it" how do I explain i words what it meant to me because I was just thinking about things in life and all, especially about my career and then I hear this. Definitely I'm someone who's still learning to trust herself and all it was a huge sign for me especially for the steps I've been wanting to take/taking. Hearing about friends made me so greatful because I've been kind of unlucky when it comes to friendships especially offline (ik it also had a reason) so that is just so beautiful. Also about luxuries and money, and my higher-self??? She's exactly what i want to be or imagine her to me omg. Yeah like f*ck it, wait last life connection came here too?? And my fs popping up in ng reading again okay this reading is all I needed I am gonna give myself a good cry. And also that's so true I'm definitely the type of even now who looks at past just to remind myself how far I've came and what they've taught me and feel greatful even for those tough moments. "I also feel pink, green (pastel) or dark shades have importance in your life" wow please i should kiss your hands rn because it resonates even with colours, like i really love pastel shades and dark shades, and i would say they do play a role since when i wear dark clothes i feel much more confident and tune within mymasculine energy and with light colours with my feminine energy and I'm sure that maybe these colours play another roles too. "felt you standing in front of mirror and admiring it" *cries again* because I do have struggled with my body since my childhood and very insecure of it because of how skinny I look, and seeing her admiring her parts made me realise a lot. And yes I am a forgiving person and I've already forgiven everyone woah please you picked on the present too!?? Also about job, and career with growth...(Just so very greatful) Literally so very greatful because that's what I've wanting to give myself and even the higher position/business definitely aligns with my goals. And coming to my intuition and the Messages just blessed!! I am definitely gonna start hearing it more and also about the mysteries it makes sense and resonates (I'm surprised) because it's just a huge confirmation to me. Also coming to education, honey it resonates again because that's one of my biggest goals. Also "thankyou for meeting me baby" my pookie baby i already love you so much you popping up in the reading again!!!? Or atleast knowing something about you, it's okay love ik we'll meet when the timing is right. 🤍🫂 Also the moodboard?? Bro it's just so beautiful energetically and the fact I do see so many angel numbers, 444 too. Okay everything literally everything RESONATES!!

How do I explain in words how greatful i feel. Love you so very much honey, i really appreciate each and every moment, really greatful that I met you. Everything has a reason and I'm it had too. Sending my warmest hugs to my sweetheart, you are amazing don't question yourself. You are moving forward and making progress and that's a really huge thing, things take time but ik we'll be okay!!

Proud of you bub. Have an amazing day ahead. Sending lots of love and blessings 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿

You sweetheart!! I love you so so much 😭🌼 you deserve the compliments and your readings work is literally so gooood!? How can I not like it! You are so sweet for giving me both readings and moodboard and they resonated so much with me, it made me so emotional and happy thank you sm, I appreciate you so much that I can't describe in words, my love yes exactly!! Its funny maybe that country has important value in both of our lives I am just so excited to meet him! I love him already! Yess, we will have everything we deserve and I am sure the universe is working our favour!! Amen 🙏

✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼

The detailed feedback?? I am so in love with it , you are so so sweet 😭 the messages I kept picking on it was like everything your higherself wants you to hear and lessen your worries and doubts, your future spouse/soulmate he really wants to give you love and confirmation that he is out there, the way lovers card flew and pop up and I was like he is too excited to show himself to you lol, and it was cute, I am happy for him and for you 😭 I am so glad you liked the moodboard I kept feeling drawn to those pictures and I know they all had something for you, to feel and hear, I am literally smiling and feeling just so emotional?? Like I am so glad for the feedback and they way our energy aligns it just made me so so happy! I am so glad your higher self has everything , she literally is the sweetest, thank you so much for letting me read for you, ilysm!

✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼

Love you more! And I am definitely sure it had a meaning and I am glad we met, thank you so much, sending love and hugs to you as well!! Yess! We both are and I know things will look up for us, I just know it. Yess everything will be~!

✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼

Thank you so much for this and I am proud of you too! Have an amazing day too!! Sending love and positive vibes to you tooo ! 🧿✨️🌼🎀

[tennessoui]

kit i'm so curious about your writing process, as someone who writes fanfic too it's amazing how much you write tbh, do you write on your phone or your computer? I'm pretty old school and write in paper idk why lmao

For the most part I write on my laptop and using Google docs (which has many many cons but the pros at this point still outweigh the Google doc cons) (the pros are mostly related to convenience and being able to edit offline and document syncing when online access comes back but also the ability to share a single link with the internet has been game changing tbh)

In situations where I have a lot of dead time but I don’t want to pull out my laptop, I’ve written on my phone (airplanes, at work between customers/tasks, in long car drives where I’m not driving) on either the Google docs app or on my notes app and copied it over to the main document later

I also come up with a lot of dialogue or action sequencing while I’m outside on walks that I just write down when I get back home - but rehearsing the scene and the dialogue in my head many times really helps it stick and makes writing it down go quickly. sometimes I feel like a director yelling “cut” and resetting the scene in my head, subtracting lines and then going “action!” 😂

I think mainly I’m just a pretty quick writer though if I have a sudden intense burst of creativity or passion for a project/chapter! and if I have a passion for the project, I’m more likely to find ways to write it even when real life gets busy or when I have obligations to attend to (i.e., I wrote the majority of the hot air balloonest anakin fic waiting for a train twice, and I wrote the majority of the first chapter of the hunger games au on a plane in a middle seat)

[the-hedge-hypnotist]

A Drunk Texan Stole My Identity.

I've had this blog since 2017. In those 6 years, I have been consistently active, sometimes more than others, depending on IRL factors, but in December I lost my Dad. To say that this was devastating would be an understatement. I made posts on my social media channels that I would not be active for awhile, because there was no way I could juggle things in my online life with the needs of my offline life.

The majority of people in the hypnokink community have been wonderful during this time. I received a handful of kind messages that really meant a lot. I would be remiss if I didn’t also highlight the kindness of a lot of the fetish models, I’ve worked with who reached out. They got hired for a job and could have left it at that, but many of them took time out of their busy lives to reach out. They’re great people.

And that brings me to the drunk Texan who I’ll just refer to as “James”. Although part of me wants to blast his full name all over the internet, I’m not. James decided to use my bereavement leave as an opportunity to impersonate me on Tumblr. He used the “Hedge Hypnotist” name, posted my content and claimed it was his own, and messaged people pretending to be me in attempts to hypnotize them. James has also stolen content from @qu1etdroprop (who is awesome and makes fantastic content). I’ve also been contacted by another producer who informed me that James has been pirating their content, which is not only illegal but a deplorable thing to do considering the amount of effort goes into making Hypnokink content, especially at a time when Hypnokink content is under attack.

James is a moron. While you might be thinking that he just does not know any better, let me tell you that James is in his 30s and has a kid. James knows better than to do this. His smug smile during his over a decades worth of mugshots and excuses when confronted about all of this (as seen below) lead me to think that he’s a narcissist who uses mental gymnastics to relieve himself from any shame or accountability for his actions.

Originally, I confronted James and was just going to leave it at that. There is a steep learning curve when entering the online hypnosis community and no definitive structures to educate or prepare people. Almost everyone makes mistakes in this community and, in most cases, I think they should be used as lessons to move forward in the future. This is not one of those cases. Identity theft is far outside from the typical learning curves within the Hypnosis Community and, as I’ve heard from more and more people about the interactions with James while he has been pretending to be me, letting him off with a warning is beneath the threshold of what his actions warrant.

If you interacted with James while he was pretending to be me, please let me know. The more I hear the more I’m considering legal action (something I’m becoming more and more well versed in due to insane people on the internet). If you've been wronged by him and want more information, I will be happy to give you more information.

I would advise against interacting with him. There is something wrong with him. He does not have any concept of how to operate on the internet, let alone within the hypnokink community, or even behind the wheel of a car for that matter. If his conduct online and his decade worth of mugshots are any indication, I feel incredibly bad for (as he referred to her) his “crazy latina ex”.

Here are some of his current accounts. I have no doubt that there are more and that he’ll change screen names in the near future. Please keep an eye open.

Usernames: DreamyDominant91#7395 SleepDoctor91 MasterKaa91 James Kay (Not his real last name) Jamesk.tti@gmail.com Hypno Dream Master hypno-dreammaster

Also a huge THANK YOU to @pruning-the-minds-garden for helping to get the word out about this.

Apologies to all the awesome Texans in the world. Sorry you share a geographic region with this guy.

[gemgirl28]

How do you make friends in zutara fandom? It’s been really hard for me because I seem to find myself in bigger discords where it feels like everyone is in a clique and it’s hard to connect, and they talk so badly about people they don’t like to the point I’m afraid to say anything because I don’t want them to do that to me too. I don’t know if it’s gotten worse lately or if I’m just looking in the wrong place

Hello anon! First off I'm sorry you've struggled to connect with other people in the fandom. It definitely can be difficult when we are all interacting with each other online, but I hope you do make some genuine connections 🫂

I will say, making fandom friends in 2023 feels VERY different from 2020/2021 when I first got into fandom, and that is very much due to shutdown vs things opening back up. When I started engaging with the zutara fandom in August/September 2020 I was working full time from home doing a job that was often dead (read: I was online during working hours) and a part time job on the weekends that was soooo slow it allowed the brainrot to really sink in as I daydreamed about zk while working. Now I work in office a minimum of 3 days a week and while we are in our slower season, we still have a ton of work to do to prep for our busy season.

And that's just me! I know people who are engaging in other fandoms, have also had work ramp back up, have had family stuff that pulls them offline, etc. It's a different space than it was when I was first making connections with people (and I would be curious to see if anyone who was already online pre-Covid has written a dissertation about the waves of online engagement due to shutdown).

Also, I do struggle to make connections in larger servers, mostly because I get overwhelmed at the nonstop activity and end up muting them. I do think they are great places to keep up with fandom activity, like events, fanart, fanfics, etc, but for initially making friends I find it tough.

So all that to say, here is my personal method for making fandom friends (results may vary):

Engage with the same person over and over. Like their posts, comment on them, reblog with commentary/additional tags, just over and over engage with them.

They slowly start to engage back (liking your posts, responding to comments, reblogging your reblogs, etc.).

Slide into their dms and ask them how they are doing, then tell them what about them made you slide into their dms (I legit messaged someone that their vibes seemed nice and it worked).

Talk about fandom stuff but also about your interests outside of fandom (IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: DON'T SHARE IDENTIFYING INFO. I'm talking about things like fave foods and music, not where you live or your mother's maiden name).

Be friends forever.

Now that I'm reading that back it sort of reads like instructions for getting to know someone on a dating app. But also, if you aren't trying to fall a little in love with all your mutuals, what's the point?

tl;dr: It can be tricky making friends now that real life has ramped back up, but if you give it a little time and effort, you can make some great connections in fandom.

[orthodoxadventure]

Hello, I prayed for you and I hope you’re doing well. I know lots of really heavy stuff has been going on in your life. I hope you have a good community you can really on, and friends to keep you company. I had to leave my friend group because they were anti-Catholic, and I am struggling with mental health. I have dreams to do something but I am scared I can’t get in. I feel so behind in life. For years you’re account has encouraged me, I hope you have close Christin friends to encourage and be with you if your ever lonely. I feel so empty most days, and hope I can have a strong Catholic community. I hope anything that is bothering or hurting you, you can overcome. I hope you get closer to God and you can do His will. I hope your dreams can come true. God bless you

Thank you so much for the kind message and your prayers, I really appreciate it. And please know that I will keep you in my prayers also.

I'm sorry that you're struggling to develop friends that are supportive of your faith. One thing that I would suggest, if you haven't already, is reach out to your doctor about your emptiness and your struggles. It may be possible that they would be able to refer you onto support services that can help you in this area. And I would also suggest trying to speak with your Priest about it, he might be able to again direct you towards services and groups that can help with these feelings.

One thing I would really suggest is trying to get involved in Church life as much as you can - ask to volunteer, participate in any social groups (or look to other Catholic Churches in the area that offer social groups and partake in those). If your Church has a coffee hour or something similar, then participate in that when you can. And if it doesn't, see if you can organise with the Priest to start one.

As much as online spaces are no real substitute for something offline, joining in with them can really help bridge the gap. And you might find local Catholics this way also. Find and join Catholic discord servers, see if there's any online reading clubs that you can join, connect with other Catholics on Twitter or in Facebook groups or on Reddit. And so on. Unfortunately, a lot of it is just about continually trying to push yourself out there and persevering.

Look also to events held in your local area in general, even if it's not faith based, it might be a good way of socialising with others and keeping yourself busy. Art workshops, gardening classes, cooking clubs, etc. Are all great ways of participating in the community - and get involved in volunteering as much as you can. Because these are also great opportunities to meet others with similar values, and of course, almsgiving and volunteering to help others is particularly good for the soul during Lent (as well as every other time).

I know it can be really hard, but please do keep trying and persevering. Because I truly do believe that over time, you will eventually develop the community and connections that you need. May God bless you, comfort you, and guide you!

[mywrittingwonderland]

Toronto or London

Hello Everyone, Am I back? I am not sure, but I just really got stuck in my head these past few days, and well, I figured writing would help me. I didn't really proofread this, so I apologize in advance. I also don't necessarily love this that much, but at least it got me out of my limbo phase. Warnings: None really Word Count: 2,510 Summary: She has always been in love with Toronto; she just didn't know why yet.

Enjoy!!

- - - - - - - - -

20/05/2018

“Toronto or London?” — Jimmy asked as the last question of the fast questions round.

“Toronto” — Emily replied, without a second thought to the question. Which got the audience and all her fellow colleagues to look at her by surprise. 

“Wait a minute, weren’t you born in London? What makes you choose Toronto?”

“Honestly? I just have always had a good feeling about Toronto, even though I never really got spend that much time there, I hope that at some point once I have a break I manage to go touring on that city.” — She replied, with an honest response. The truth is that she always had a good feeling when she was around Toronto, she just didn’t know why. - - -

12/06/2018

“Shawn, someone told me you wanted to tryout for a few acting gigs, and that Harry has been pushing you to do it?” — Shawn laughed at the question while nodding his head confirming the information. — “So my question to you is, if you had to work with any actor/actress who would it be?” 

“Oh wow, that’s a difficult one Jimmy, but I think I would have to say Emily Wilson, I just really love everything she does, like it would be such an honour. I am a huge fan! Honestly even meeting her would be a huge honour” 

“Well I was told she loves Toronto! So maybe it won’t be that hard to find her roaming around the city, you could just ask her on a date you know?” — Jimmy joked.

“I don’t think I would ever even dare to do that!” — Shawn answered, his face definitely a bit flustered.

“Well, but moving on to business Shawn, talk to us about your new album!”

30/09/2019

“So, Emily lets talk about your new film, you are now shooting in Toronto, right?” 

“Yes, and it has been an amazing experience to be able to be in Toronto for 3 months now, I really love this city so much!” — She replied with a smile on her face.

“That’s so great! I hope you managed to finally go to all the places you wanted to visit around the city, did you manage to have the time to do that?” 

“Oh, I really wish! We barely stopped during the filming process because I need to run to London right after this, we are starting to shoot The Selection series with Netflix, as you all know, so I manage to visit a few places but definitely have to come back.”

“So, if you had to choose between life in Toronto or London, which one would you choose?” 

“Toronto!” — She answer without second thoughts. — “Don’t get me wrong I love London, but there is just something about here that I can’t take my head off it.” 

 - - -

10/01/2020

“Girl I just loved your work so much! I mean you know I love your acting gigs but your song, I just don’t know how you didn’t win song of the year! It was my song of the year for sure!” — Billie said as soon as she spotted Emily at the Grammy’s after party.

“Come on! You are queen here today, don’t even start! You killed it!” 

“Thank you! It means a lot coming from you! I heard you are back to filming in New York this month? Maybe we can meet up for a coffee when you are around?”

“Actually, I just finished filming yesterday, I am heading to Toronto tomorrow, and then back to London for more filming.” — Emily said a bit sad she would miss the coffee with Billie.

“No wayyyy! Wait up, I will probably head to Canada for a few days too, Justin recommend me a very nice retreat in which paps won’t find me, and I am in need of some offline days, especially after this crazy night, I feel like I can definitely go for that!” 

“That’s amazing, if you want you can come with me in the plane and we have that coffee and you can tell me more about how was this masterpiece production”

“I am in girl! Let’s go!” — Billie answered before being dragged by her brother to answer to a phone call they had just got.

- - -

11/01/2020

“Wait up! You have never talked with Shawn or Justin before? Even though you have been obsessed with Canada your entire life? How is that even possible? 

“You know I was nominated for a song for the movie I did right? I don’t actually sing B.” — Emily said laughing at her friend.

“Oh shush girl, you just won a grammy yesterday for best song for visual media, maybe you don’t want to admit but you are good in what you are doing” 

“Billie, I literally have one song out!”

“True! But still…” 

“Enough on me and my obsession with Canada, tell me more about what you have been up to! It has been so long since we had time to actually talk!” — Emily answered, eager to know more about her friend.

- - -

12/01/2020

“Shawn there is an invitation for you to go to this interview tomorrow with Emily Wilson, I know it is last minute but if you want to do it, we can do it.” — Andrew said over the phone.

“Wait, what? Really? Of course I want to do it, should probably talk to Camilla first about it, but yes.” — He said, immediately texting his girlfriend about the interview as he knew she could become a bit insecure with Shawn going to an interview with his celebrity crush. But her response came out being super supportive which made Shawn at ease about going.

- - -

13/01/2020

“Hello you guys, I was told you had never met! And honestly I didn’t believe it!” — The interviewer at the radio said making Shawn and Emily smile at each other before answering.

“I honestly just never spent enough time here to get to meet new people, I am always hanging out with the crew and it just never happened, but it is an honour to finally meet you Shawn!” — Emily said with a smile.

“No, please the honour is all mine! I just really cannot believe this is happening right now and I am not sure I know exactly how to properly behave, I am like your number 1 fan!” — He said, totally fingerling over her and making her giggle. 

“Normally Emily comes over to talk about acting, but today we will talk about song writing, and her process on writing and recording her song for a Disney movie! How did that happen?” 

“Well Kate, I don’t even know myself if I am being honest, I knew I would have to sing, but when Julia contacted me asking if I wanted to help with writing it took me a lot by surprise, it was the first time I ever wrote a song in my life, so I definitely was not expecting the response we got, honestly I really believe it was all Julia’s magic and I ended up being there with her by a struck of luck or something” — She answered.

“What do you think of the song Shawn? And how it is writing for you?”

“What do I think of her song? I wrote with Julia a few weeks after they finished recording and Julia couldn’t shut up about you and how you brought all the sparkles into the song, and I really think it is an amazing vulnerable song and that you really should give yourself some more credit, I really love it. And about writing, for me this song is an example of what I am trying to do every day, really just pouring my soul into it and making feelings into words.” — He answered making her blush a little. 

“Thank you Shawn, we don’t have a lot of time today unfortunately, so we chose one question from fans for you to answer: If you had to choose between writing in London or anywhere else in the world where would you choose to go?” 

“I really like recoding in LA, but London is on my top 5 places too.” — Shawn answered and waited for Emily.

“Toronto, 100%! If there is one place I feel the most comfortable being in such a vulnerable state is Toronto for sure.”

“Time is up, guys thank you so much! I hope I get to see more of you around Toronto Emily, and Shawn let’s please meet up soon! I will see you again tomorrow to talk about the process of filming Game of Thrones with Emilia Clarke!” 

As they left the recording room, Shawn finally had the chance to compliment Emily properly.

“I really really love your work so much, you have no idea! — He said in an exited way which made her smile. — Can I hug you? — He asked and she immediately nodded and was engulfed in his hug. She really had a strange sensation when they were hugging, it was the same sensation she felt whenever she would arrive in Toronto, it felt like home. “Is it too much if I ask for an autograph too?” — He asked, making her laugh.

“Of course, here you go.” She signed on his notebook.

They talked for over an hour after the interview, and he also left her his number for whenever she was around if she needed company to tour on his city. She knew he had a girlfriend but at the same time she couldn’t help but to wonder which is also why she promised herself to never text him.

- - -

15/08/2021

“Our final question of the night” — Elen said with a pout and the audience also made a sound of protest. “I know, I know you love her, I love her too!” — She said taking Emily laugh

“And I love you all of course” — She said seeing a kiss to the audience.

“If you had to make a song duet, and I mean a real one, not one with me for this show. Who would you like to sing with?” 

“Shawn Mendes” — She said, very fast and without thinking too much.

“Oh wow, that was fast, is there something going on that we don’t know about? You definitely do make a lot of visits to Toronto.” — Elen said, leaving it open to her to interpret it.

“I just really like the way his voice sounds” — She said, bluish a little when she noticed how her response sounded. — “ And of course if we record in Toronto even better”

“Smooth Emily, I guess we all will have to let that slide since our time is up for today”.

- - - 

19/10/2021

“So Shawn” — Elen Paused —“Do you watch my show?”

“Whenever I can, I do.” 

“A few months ago we had an interview with Emily Wilson, and apparently she really likes your voice” — She said making him blush because he had no idea what she was talking about.

“I am not exactly sure what you are talking about Elen” — He answered, not wanting to mess things up with his favourite star.

“Here is Emily on this show, and what she said” — Elen replayed the clip, and Shawn immediately felt his blushing. “Adorable right?” — She said making him close his eyes for a second and smile timidly.

“I really like the way her voice sounds too, not only in music but also everything she has even acted on, she is perfect in everything she does” — He answered and bit his lip softly at the end, still embarrassed by the situation.

Later that night he was surprised when his phone received a text from Emily, as he hadn’t really talked to her in over a year.

Emily: I will be in Toronto next week, if you are around and want to meet for a coffee maybe?

Shawn: Text me your hotel once you have it and I will pick you up and show you around the city if you want a proper tour.

- - -

25/10/2021

“Connor I am sincerely nervous for this. — Shawn said for the 100th time that day.

“It will be fine, honestly I can’t believe it took you guys so long to actually go on a date!” 

“What do you mean, Man I did have a girlfriend before remember?”

“Shawn, we both know your relationship with Mila started for the wrong reasons, and honestly the possibility of it evolving was very slim.” — He said referring to the publicity stunt they had agreed and that later evolved into a relationship. — “You love her, but only as a friend, whereas you have been fungirling over Emi for years, even before Camila.” 

“I am not sure if you saying that helps a lot to soothe my nerves at all” — He said adjusting the collar of his shirt and deciding it was time to leave.

- - -

05/04/2022

“Okay, so since you are here, and we are being honest with each other, I though we might as well go for Spill your Guts or Fill your Guts!” — James said being filled by a round of a applauses. — “Everything in here is vegetarian, so you can eat everything, or nothing if you decide to answer the questions.”.

“Oh God, this does not look good at all, but yeah, I am ready, ask me”. 

“We are nearing the finale of your series with Netflix, are there any spin-offs of the series being prepared for later? Or is that the last of The Selection we will see? — He asked making her close her eyes.

“Come on James, that is really not fair, I can’t answer this.” — She said trying to sound a bit mad, but laughing at the end.

“That’s all right, you can always go for the onion and garlic tea.” — He said, and she took a sip making a lot of effort to not throw up in the process.

“My turn, James, is there any celebrity who you refused to invite to your show before?” — She read her question and smiled at him.

“She really knows what she is doing you guys, nop I guess olive pudding for me it is” — He said looking a bite of the disgusting looking olive pudding.

“Emily, some photos have been circling around the internet, and I we are all wondering if they are real, so I would like to read Shawn’s last 3 messages to you” — He said making her blush, they still hadn’t officially confirmed nor denied anything, but their photos of the grammy’s were all over the internet already so there was really no hiding to do anymore.

“Okay, I guess you can do that” — She said after verifying the messages quickly.

“Oh wow! I was not expecting that you guys! I really wasn’t, okay so let’s do this:

Hi Emi, I really really miss you. I hope James is not too mean to you, Love. Good luck, I love you, and see you later.

“Awww… you guys are melting our hearts right now.” — He said taking her phone close to his heart. — “IT’S REAL EVERYONE!” 

[czigonas]

20 Questions for 20 Writers

Tagged by @sudsandspectre. Thank you! I finally remembered to fill one of these out haha.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 50 on my main and three on a side account.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 169,923 on my main and 13,908 on the side, for a total of 183,831, which I think is a neat number.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Star Wars, Deus Ex, Mass Effect, Pathologic, and Assassin’s Creed are the big ones. I have a few other fandoms, but usually only one or two per.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? They’re all Star Wars ones, funnily enough. And If (Well); There Are Frontiers, They Are Endless; It’s Coming Home; Made Whole Through Broken Jaws; and Time is a Thief (Gladness and Grief).

5. Do you respond to comments? Sometimes. I have been trying, but when I get busy in my offline life, I tend to forget to come back to them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don’t really write angst, so they all have pretty hopeful endings at worst. I guess it’s probably Pandora’s Box (Mass Effect), though.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Haha well… since most of them are happy, I guess maybe Not With Haste (Deus Ex) since it’s pure fluff. Angel’s Chorus (Mass Effect) and And If (Well) are both fix-its, but the ramifications aren’t really explored beyond the end of the fics, so…

8. Do you get hate on fics? I don’t recall any. If I have, I’ve put it out of my mind immediately.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes. When I do, it’s very explicit and a one-shot. I write mostly m/m these days, but I have written m/f in the past. I will continue to attempt to write f/f smut that I am not embarrassed to post (so far, no luck).

10. Do you write crossovers? Only a few. Outside of Pinky Swear (Iunyasha/HP), I only have Mass Effect crossovers published, but I have a few others hiding in the depths of my WIP folders. I have a hard time with them usually, as I want the crossover to be plausible (which is easy with an entire galaxy+ to play with from ME).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Maybe? Someone asked to translate one of my Patho fics into Russian. I asked for a link when they had finished and never received one so I don’t know if they ever did it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes. Before I was comfortable writing my own smut, I had a friend help with a handjob scene. It's very funny to look back on. Also, all of my side account fics are technically collabs, where I fleshed out someone else’s outline, even though they’re posted under only one name.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? I simply cannot pick just one. I usually only have one otp per fandom though; I am nearly incapable of multi-shipping. Some of my favourites (in no particular order) are Fem!Shep/Zaeed, SoapGhost, Jensard, Burakovsky, Fem!Revan/Canderous, JangObi and Kagome/Sesshoumaru.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? As much as I want to say I will finish everything I’ve started, probably Pinky Swear. It’s half an HP fic, and I just can’t bring myself to write on it, really.

16. What are your writing strengths? Timelines, I think. Even for oneshots I will usually have a whole sidebar of notes on travel speeds or when something happened in relation to other things. It helps me keep things organised enough to slide little asides into gaps in the canon (or, as in There Are Frontiers, They Are Endless, co-opt canon for my own means).

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Keeping going on the longer ones. I want to write long fic, but I have a hard time keeping the momentum. Even with outlines, I need to be in the right mood and it’s hard to get there once the initial drive has faded. Also, endings.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I admit to doing it more than is probably necessary (pretty much exclusively for mando’a in my Star Wars fics) but my view is that if you are not going to have translations, the phrase must be inconsequential (one-off endearments or swears that are understandable through context clues, and are only added spice to the fic).

If you have translations, they should be screen-reader friendly. I use a CSS script that translates on hover (long-press on mobile) only when the creator’s style is shown. If the creator’s style is turned off, the translation is shown in square brackets behind the phrase. I find it easier than footnotes, but so long as the translation is easily accessible, I think that’s what matters.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Inuyasha? I think? Or a comic series I can’t even fully remember the name of (Skate Girl? Maybe?). Either way, any digital copies are lost on a very old FFN account, and the physical ones are even further gone.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? This is a hard question! Maybe Quinine (Deus Ex). It’s very dreamy, imo. Same with The Bends (Deus Ex). I think There Are Frontiers, They Are Endless will be very satisfying for everyone in the end, though.

Thanks for the tag! I certainly don’t have 20 people to tag, so I’ll just pass it on to @rigil-kentauris if they want.

[hernameisno-one]

Got a bit desperate and destructive for a minute. I've been going through a lot irl while also dealing with, not only being catphished, but also people I actually know going around and pretending to be me to really fuck up my life.

It's been a crazy and terrible experience. People have sold my work without my permission as well. I think some people wanted to seriously fuck up my life and discredit me. Well, it worked. I ruined friendships and am homeless and alone.

I hope everyone is happy and having a good time. I'm so tired of being bullied and don't understand why anyone would even want to do this to me. Even former friends have done cruel things behind my back. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Either I'm so important that some people wanted me to be so alone and isolated that they could use that as a means to swoop in and control me so they're my only hope and savior, or I'm so insignificant that they wanted to trample on me because it's funny to see what a human will do.

Well, I'm not going to do anything too out of the ordinary anymore. I'm done trying to find someone who disappeared from my life forever.

I am sorry to anyone who has been alarmed along the way, and to those who were just minding their business and weren't involved in the attack at all.

I still don't know if I have any real friends or not. I wish my gross ex friends wouldn't keep pretending to be other people online because they fucked our offline friendships up so badly that they're afraid to actually come before me and try to talk.

At least I'm away from my abusive family. I don't know how to spot a narcissistic abuser early on yet, but I know I'm a magnet for them. I'm too autistic for this shit. It hurts to go through and is all irrelevant in the end. Just give up already.

[rosecrystal]

hi pam!!! do you have any advice for moving on from someone you really loved? i had been secretly in love with one of my friends, which we didn't realize was mutual until i moved away like 10 months ago, and despite promises to stay in touch he never reaches out, doesn't engage with my social media, doesn't seem interested in hearing about my life now. he said he might visit this fall (of his own accord i literally didn't ask him to say that) but can't confirm until he figures out his work situation but i feel like he is just stringing me along at this point and like i'm making this fake narrative in my head that he must ignore me because it's just too painful to talk to me etc which is so dumb because if i can't feel it then he doesn't love me, whether or not he loves me ykwim?? i have done all i can to communicate my feelings and try to keep the connection and show he is still special to me, but it feels stupid and embarrassing at this point. he said he didn't think long distance would work out, but that he still wants to be my friend and stay in touch, but i don't even feel like he gives me the level of effort needed for a friendship, like he definitely treats his other friends better than this, so it's not just the romantic rejection it's the total apathy from him that has made me feel fed up. i don't want to care so much about someone who makes me second guess so much anyway. and i'm trying to tell myself the whole "he's losing someone who really loved him, i'm losing someone who doesn't give me anything anymore" and be offline and be present in my new life here but i haven't met anyone else and i can't stop wishing to hear from him.

Hello angel! I’m sorry you are going through this and you are right about everything rationally speaking but of course feelings don’t really follow a rational line. I think it is normal to linger and miss him, if you wanna actively do something maybe try to hide his posts from you on socials (you know how on instagram for example you can mute people’s profiles) or if you wanna go towards a more “absolute” route you can tell him you need some time off touch and that you will delete/block him from your socials. That’s sort of like a “trick” on your brain if you put up that kind of barrier (so you don’t wait/expect for him to get in touch with you anymore) and I know a lot of people have negative feelings when it comes to blocking people bc they don’t wanna seem rude or whatnot but a lot of times you don’t need to hate someone to block them or delete them, a lot of times it’s to protect your peace. Either way I also think you need to give yourself time, you just started a new adventure and I’m pretty sure you will meet people and soon be so busy this person won’t be in your mind anymore. Wishing you good luck!🍀

[davidmariottecomics]

Burning a Resource (Or How I'm Leaving Twitter)

Hey again! 

Yesterday, I drew and posted a little comic on my various socials (reposted here) about how I'm gearing up to officially shut down my Twitter. And I want to talk a little bit about why it isn't an immediate thing that I'm doing, and some thoughts I've had on losing what has ultimately been a really valuable resource in my personal and professional life, particularly in light of how it has gotten people jobs. 

Why am I Leaving?

The long and short is I can't ethically stay. I find Elon Musk to be detestable as a human being and wish him nothing but ill-will, in the same way that he uses his money and resources to push ill-will upon the world. And under his reign--because he certainly treats it as a kingdom--the site had gotten a lot worse in a bunch of ways. For months, people have been describing the overall site's decline into far right views and activism. You can see all the problems of greed and bad business sense at work as so many functions have gone offline or been shunted to only being accessible behind a pay wall. There're increasing problems of the user experience--I know someone who has basically given up on Twitter because the site makes them "verify their identity/that they're human" multiple times a day, and then directs them to the Twitter Rules, without any sort of guidance on how any rule that Twitter has may've been violated. And, yes, there are a lot of services that I've elected to use despite having compunctions about them, but that's uhh... living in a capitalistic society and having to make decisions on how far you're willing to flex and while that's not a morally great feeling, it's part of how we have to exist at the moment and being cognizant of the decisions we make around these things is an important part of navigating further use. And this point, I am not going to keep using Twitter. 

Why am I Staying? 

That all said, I'm not leaving this exact moment. I'm not sure of my exact exit date. By the end of 2023, certainly. But I have a few things I'd like to wrap up before I go, and I want to briefly walk you through them. 

First off, let me just say, this is also very highly influenced by my age. I am of the age when I have never worked at a company that didn't have a social media presence while I was there. I watched in real time as platforms like Twitter and Facebook became a regular part of business--through promotion and connections--and how that was added to workflows as I was coming up. I think a lot of the people who've had an easier time detransitioning from socials are folks who were not trained onto it from a young age. But that's not my case and I want to make sure that the business and personal aspects of my life that have been entangled in Twitter are compensated for in other ways. 

To me, the most important loss that will come from this is of community. And that's why I've continued to stay above all else. There are a lot of folks I'm connected to on Twitter that I don't have connections to other places. Functionally, I like Bluesky a lot. I'm about to hit 1000 followers, which all told, is pretty good. I have over 4 times that on Twitter, but I would guess a significant portion of that difference is not on Bluesky because it's invite only. And while I may have connections here and there on other platforms, they're pretty diffused and I am not using most of those platforms regularly enough to actually know who all is where. Like, despite everything I just about Bluesky, it's my second largest platform above Facebook (not counting the IDW Sonic Squad page), Instagram, and on anything else, less than 100 people are set-up to regularly see my posts, and that makes the way I use social media harder to do.��

And the primary way I do use social is to find and connect with creators and help promote their projects. So, this week, I'm setting my Twitter up with scheduled posts and through whenever I deactivate, I'll still have my posts going out about new projects that are important to me and to the people who worked hard on them. I think their work deserves whatever boost of recognition it might get from my social presence there.

In the coming weeks, my other big project will be to get as much contact info as I can. I have found so many artists that I really like on Twitter and I want to be able to reach out to them when I want/need to. I want to make sure my friends and I exchange ways to communicate outside of this. I'm taking this upon myself because that's, I dunno, my role? Editors tend to be the ones to reach out when we have a project. So I want to make sure I'm doing my part of be proactive about keeping that up. 

Finally, I want to make sure that I'm not completely out of touch with the other personal and practical parts of Twitter. I follow Genshin Impact because I think the game's fun. I frequently get updates on it through Twitter and should probably make sure if I want to continue those updates, I'm aware of how to get them otherwise. I follow journalists and sex workers and activists and unions and smart people whose thoughts I don't want to lose and dumb people who post real funny and just like... my friends and I'd like to make sure they aren't lost in the ether either. 

How We Collectively Move Forward Earlier this week, Becca and I got to do something pretty cool and talk to a class of sequential art students. If you were one of those students and are now reading this, hi! But we were asked to attend to give sort of a really cumulative look at working in comics from the point of view of an editor who has been at this for a long time and from a working freelance artist who does a lot of tabling at shows and indie work and is also still looking to get in and start doing work at bigger companies. As part of that, we talked to the kids about the advantages of tabling at and attending cons and how to go about meeting editors at shows and generally, how best to get the attention of an editor.

One of the things we talked about was with Twitter becoming less of an option, one of the more accessible ways to get on an editor's radar is going away. Not that editors like to be cold DM'ed necessarily, but as someone who has found a lot of talent through specifically Twitter and who recognizes that interstate, much less international, travel for cons is expensive and taxing, it sucks to lose that resource. And that's compounded by a lot of other resources going sideways--like, DeviantArt and ArtStation and some of the other art sharing sites have become hotbeds of AI theft bullshit and were full of NFTs before that. Some of the other potential social sites that could be used to promote your art like Cohost or Mastodon or TikTok are not always the best at discoverability or a good match to how you interact online (I don't really use any of those platforms). It's tough.

As has been said time and time again, it's neither fair nor particularly productive to have a significant portion of your work day be crossposting a million times and places and slightly different formats hoping to have your work hit where and when it needs to. Making comics is often a 2nd shift job, or a 4th & 5th shift job as you're trying to do more consistent work--be it a day job or non-comics freelance, plus caring for a family of some sort, plus the act of making art being a different job from the act of promoting it being a different job from the act of actually running an independent business to do all these things. 

My only real solution is, y'know, collective support. On my own website, I have a Friends page with links to the sites of people I like and have worked with or like the work of. I know that the Cartoonist Cooperative has a talent database of their members. There's a fairly new Adult Artist Webring. One of the best things I think creators can do with their peers is equivalent exchange projects--be that getting blurbs from or having your friends/peers post about your new project on their platforms, exchanging promos of projects on Kickstarter updates or just reposting each other's stuff, making ad swaps so if you have an indie project, you can put an ad for your friend's thing in it. I think other people should of course have Friend-type pages on their websites, and I am always appreciative when an artist reaches out or declines a project and recommends some other folks they know. It's a major part of how things build in this industry and how we do maintain connection outside of social media spheres. 

And, from an editorial perspective, one of the things that's really tough to navigate sometimes is how welcome you are in some of these spaces. I've mentioned Discords before, and while they can be a really great communal resource to the artists in them, there are a lot of very regular, valid reasons why artists might not want an editor in that space. So it does have to be considered and measured where and how folks are presenting themselves to get that visibility and traction. 

My last thought is y'know do try your hardest while also, again, accepting that this is a ton of work all the time and is often done on top of other work, to figure out what makes sense for you to reach out to people. If you aren't able to go to cons and meet editors, or you're only able to go to cons where you don't think many editors are attending, how do you move forward? Well, maybe your solution is to do a lot of anthologies that have a mix of talent involved and might get some extra eyes on your work because it also includes people who are known names that editors follow. Maybe your solution is to get an agent who can send your work out to editors on a regular basis and let them know when you're looking for work. Maybe your solution is to get a hold of cool comic and zine shops and see if they'll do consignment on your books, even if you aren't local, because they're local to where publishing is. Maybe your solution is to look up if a company has a talent director/scout type role and to reach out to them, rather than editorial directly. There are alternate ways to both social media and cons to get your work in front of hiring folks eyes, thought they also require a bit of leg-work and luck. 

Because I've talked about it a lot, here are the other places you can find me online. 

Bluesky Instagram My Website Patreon Tumblr Buttondown Linktree I am on Cohost, Mastodon, Facebook, and LinkedIn, but don't really use them actively, so not linking here.  You can email me, though I ask you please follow my rules on the contact page.  If we know each other, you can ask for my Discord handle or my phone #. 

Until next time!  What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Solve This Murder (Podcast), One Piece (Manga), The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon (Book), Reverse 1999 (Video Game), Joe Pera Talks with You (TV show), Witch Watch (Manga), Freakazoid (TV show), Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Troy Little's graphic novel adaptation), drawing a little comic and generally trying to do a little more art to go with my writing, when the cats do understand their new litterbox. 

New Releases this week (11/8/2023): Godzilla Rivals: Round Two (Editor on most of it) Sonic the Hedgehog #66 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog: Knuckles' Greatest Hits (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog: The IDW Art Collection (Editor)

New Releases next week (11/15/2023): Godzilla Rivals: vs. Mechagodzilla (Editor)

Announcements: If you'd like to have me on your podcast, Twitch stream, at your convention, signing at your store, talking to your students, whatever, feel free to hit me up via my contact page. To those first couple things, sorry a few podcasty/Twitch-streamy things have been delayed. We've been having some headphone/mic technical issues, but that should be fixed soon. 

Wanna support me? Visit my webstore, my Patreon, my Kofi, or my eBay. And you can always visit Becca's portfolio/shop/Patreon/Twitch streams too.

It may feel futile as all polling already shows we aren't being listened to, but email, call, or fax your representatives to demand a ceasefire in Gaza and the stopping of a genocide. There are also plenty of places to donate your time and money. 

Pic of the Week: Enjoy a little comic about leaving Twitter. 

[boxwinebaddie]

Miss Ninaa!! When are you free for the summer???

hello, sweetling! and good morning, good afternoon or good night wherever it is that you are. <3 regardless of the time of day, please just know that the world around you is brighter bc you're in it. c':

so i just want to start out by saying that i know i say this a lot...but i cannot tell you what it means to me that you guys care enough about me to be curious about the trajectory of my offline life.

...like, i really just have the sweetest anons in the world, huh? ;-;

i feel unbelievably blessed and count my lucky stars everyday because of each and everyone of you. thank you for being your lovely, lovely selves and caring not only about me as a person but my silly and strange au styles from hell.

speaking of, i am aware that it does not seem like it because of how sporadically i post ncu related content ( if at all ) but i am trying to work on some stuff...as you know well by now, i like to really take my time putting out my work because the quality of the content that you read is paramount to me. you are all far too near and dear to my heart to receive lame, rushed, unclear boof ass content from me.

like...i simply will not do it. thank you for your paitence.

( i will say that i am specifically working on an ask about the greenhouse kiss which AAAAAA giggling, twirling my hair and kicking my feet, like it is SOOOOO satisfying, holy shit! it's also very, very important to the plot which is why i have been taking my time on it. i do hope to put it out today but i am trying not to make promises that i can't keep, get your hopes and dreams up just to dash them and most unfortunately, i do not have a great track record in that regard. i know it's kind of a bummer...but i like to be honest w/ y'all. )

ANYWAYS!

without further ado, here's a little glimpse into my life. xx

again, thank you for asking...that is very cute of you. c': <333

( this is lengthy and lowkey irrelevant. you can absolutely skip this but i think that i am pretty informative in here, so it might be useful? idk. )

so actually, my summer is pretty busy and jam-packed for the most part! or, the first two months are, at least. because i decided to take on summer camp here at the school i work on! camp counsellor nina!

i decided to nab a summer camp supervising position for a couple of reasons. like, obviously, teaching does not pay that much, so really, i need to make all the money i can while i can. don't worry about me tho, guys. bc actually am doing extremely well for myself. <333

( i am a very lucky person, haha -- god nerfed me by being mentally ill, but did make me pretty and personable...which gets me far in life. on the topic of mental illness [ of which i am very ] today i should fare quite well bc other than having a mild headache and being lowkey naseous because my mood stabilizer has that side effect for me...it is worth it when i rem(ember) to take it because it makes me very calm and level, so i am better at responding to my asks/doing my tasks. )

another reason is it keeps me busy...when i am not constantly busy, i get very depressed and fall into gnarly sprials. my job has a lot of downtime and when i am not running around like crazy because a bunch of teachers are out, i'm bored as fuck and i get lazy or restless.

very lame...this summer, i will be looking for a different job ( fml, if you are my boss, don't read this ) and i am a bad procrastinator so i missed the deadline for a fuck ton of teaching positions, but hopefully i can find something in the realm of associate or assistant teaching because....lmao, point and laugh but i am still a little too nervous to teach a whole class by myself. if kids get disadvantaged academically because i am too incompetent at teaching, i will die.

but yeah...if i am still babysitting fourteen year olds after this ( they did grow on me, but it's really not my speed ) please also point and laugh because i would rather go back to retail...yes, i am desperate.

on the subject of teaching kids that are in my wheelhouse and doing stuff my speed, summer camp is actually all k-5 so i will FINALLY being doing a majority of my teaching in the age group that i have my literal credential in. YAY! it's going to be hot as shit where i am over the summer, probably also tiring as shit ( have you seen how little kids act in the summer? ) but i am so fkn exCITED to work with the littles HEEEEELLL YES, BROTHER! uncle nina will be Vibing! <333

so for the first four weeks i am doing general camp stuff, getting a feel for stuff and wokring with all the grade levels...but the LAST two weeks, i get to specifically associate teach in the kindergarten classroom and AAAAAAAA!!!!! I FKN LOVE THE KINDERS!!!!! i visit them every other day because, again, i am bored as shit and they need help over there so i usually hang out with them in PE and play hula hoop tag with them...rn they are learning how to jump rope. soooo stinking cute, oh my god.

-- BUT YES I AM SOOOOO FREAKING STOKED YOU GUYS LIKE I WAS MADE FOR THIS BROTHER. i am gonna wear so many crazy outfits and do such weird makeup pray it doesn't melt off my face.

also, during camp, they go on little field trips and things, hopefully swimming, ( uncle nina is mermaid nina ) and feed you the same stuff as the campers so i get to eat like a nasty frat boy and have pizza and pasta and stuff, which, let me tell you, i am genuinely stoked because they cater a free lunch for the faculty here everyday and it's supposed to be all fancy and shit...but there is a reason it's free because it is SOOOO mid. like it really is kind of ass. i don't know how they do that.

but, sigh, camp is only six weeks so i have to fill my time with other stuff ( also i guess that means in six weeks from when school is done on june...14th, i think? i am free? ) i hope to use that time to structure the fuck out of my life, planf or the future because i am hella bad at it and i hope to do a lot of writing! kind of a pipe dream at this point becaue all my stuff has been *british tolkien vc* actual shite and i can't finish anything...but maybe when i feel better, writing will come easier? when i am less busy and stressed? i hope so. and i hope you guys are still around if i am here but i Completely understand if you are not! it's been a long, bumpy ride. you did your dues and you are free to step off at any time. again, i do not blame you. i am annoying.

BUT YEAH! that's my summer for you! summer camp, hanging out with my cat ( her name is lily, she is very beautiful, very kind, very fluffy and dumb as rocks but she is my babygirl ), getting lots of sushi, going to the thrift store, doing self care stuff, doing less self harm in various odd forms specifically in the form of self sabotage, getting my life together and organized, finding a new job, bettering myself and the world, being kind, entertaining all of you and hopefully writing again! yay! i'll update you as much as i can.

and please, please, pleeeease update me on your lives! i know i don't always respond, but i read everything. my friend who won FIRST PLACE for her raven sculpture, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY. my friends who unfortunately went through breakups, i am so sorry, please know it is their loss, you are stronger for it and i hope you heal, but if ravesey can...you can baby. also proud of my various friends going to college and my friends that are not! my friends toiling through their lame jobs and my friends who are dipping their toes in the world of creativity through writing, drawing expressing yourself! i love, love, LOVE you! thank you for sharing your lives with me.

( speaking of friends, i am specifically hoping to spend my summer bonding with my rant girlies and we made a little group chat and we are being so funny and chaotic and unhinged. i love them all so bad. )

BUT YEAH! thank you for asking my love! look out for some important in character asks, hopefully some finished or more distinguished writing and know that if i am not responding or posting, it is not because i lost interest...as you can see, i am very busy, especially as the school year approaches an end, my summer is a little busy, i fall into ugly manic/depressive cycles and am working on taking care of myself...offline. thank you for understanding.

and thank you for being here! you are troopers, forreal! you are angels and saints for putting up for me and enduring me never posting or posting really chaotic weird stuff. i love you. thanks for caring. <3

i love you and i hope you heal,

uncle nina, future ceo of glamour girl summer camp <3

P.S. i am specifically working on developing and post more about my other aus because i want to give you some variety and challenge myself to do stuff out of my comfort zone! so if you are excited at all about the tsot/tfbw nina stuff, please make some NOOOOISE! lol and if you are not i totally get it, but if you could give me gentility and grace, i would appreciate it because i'm insecure abt it. MWAH!

[tkblythofficial]

hello, tarot red here. idk what happened here? lol. but well i’ll do a small recap of my readings. so y’all can get what i’m seeing, the energy has been similar in almost all readings (remember this is for entertainment purposes only).

okay, let’s start:

1. R and T are just friends. i think they’re okay for now. at the beginning of the year they kinda had disconnection which is normal they were far away from each other and quite busy.

2. R has a lot going in her life. she carries a lot of things that make her act in ways that aren’t seem as correct. but i think she always felt very left out by other people. she has hard time fitting in and she does her best trying to. but i think she resents people when they start not giving her the same energy.

3. R just turned 23. she’s still relatively young and she’s finding herself. i think respectfully R is very delusional and more with J. i see her wearing pink colored lenses. give her time, she loves that man, but i don’t think it will last forever.

4. T is also very immature. he’s just not as evident as her. for what i see he’s a really bad boyfriend and he feels very avoidant. i see why some people will think he’s a red flag and will have mixed feelings about him.

5. T and R aren’t romantically compatible at least now. both are very different when it comes to love. if they date it won’t end good and i don’t see it lasting.

6. T is more invested in their connection (in a weird way) than R is. he seems emotional, but very avoidant. she sees as money and friendship mixed, he’s a good friend to have around because she feels supported and he also helps her to get opportunities.

7. Their future love lives will be bumpy. i think R will find a better partner than T, but will take sometime. for T he seems to be all over the place so he might take time to settle down or be serious.

8. Their connection in the future based on the last reading, it will be very sibling like (lol) i avoided mentioning because sounds weird, but that’s what i see. they’re will be in contact sometimes and other times they won’t. but not bad energy, unless this changes.

9. lastly, i think R is very performative she has rahu 1st house in ardra. so she might post because she likes the illusion of looking good or showing off. i don’t see her connection with J lasting and that’s good for her. J is not good, but she has been in denial for a long time. i think when she matures reality will hit her. i think she kinda knows already.

10. T is very giving with his energy and he becomes infatuated with someone very easily. so what he feels for R isn’t different to what he feels for Jasmine when we talk about attraction. i think Jasmine reading was a little bit more lustful compared to R. obviously T and R are a little bit closer. so if i go based on his past reading about the cheating rumors i mentioned a queen of wands and a queen of cups i think i know who they’re. queen of wands (J) and queen of cups (R).

that’s all i see. don’t take this too serious okay is just what i see i can be wrong <3

Hello Red! A recap is helpful for us! Thanks

1. I’m glad their friends :)

2. I can see that. She gives a lot of energy to so many people and she should stop imo. I always see her being supportive in people’s comments and it’s never returned. Not to say she can’t still support but she should give the same energy back to people.

3. “i think respectfully R is very delusional and more with J.” LOL

4. And I oop 🤭 thank god he’s offline and we can’t see him being immature

5. I refuse to believe this!

6. He’s more invested? Hmmm. What do you mean “in a weird way”? 👀 spill!

7. I refuse to believe this part 2!

8. Sibling? Now, Red, I have to stop you right there! LOL

9. I agree.

10. Unfortunately I can see this…kinda…sorta. What’s the difference between wands and cups in terms of Jasmine and R?

[sleepyserena]

Some thoughts about the final shape (the DLC)

on one hand, i have been outspoken about the dangers of online only, live service games, and the practices their publishers continue to implement to rake in the largest amount of player retention and money possible quarter over quarter. I keep thinking to myself, “do i really want to support this kind of business model, knowing the servers could shut down at any moment and that there is very little possibility of an offline patch?” it would be hypocritical of me to spend money on the final shape when I’ve been so adamant about the fragility of digital goods, the psychological impact of FOMO tactics, and the prevalence of “you had to be there” in reference to an ongoing experience like destiny. I also have strong feelings on preordering things.

on the other hand, i like playing with my friends. This game has been the catalyst for a lot of friendships and i cherish the time i spend with them through the game. I’ve also spent so much time and money on destiny over the years that sunk cost fallacy is rearing its ugly head and I’m thinking it’s too late to back out now, I’m already so invested. I also think to myself “everything is limited: time, money, life. Why don’t i try and enjoy the content the game’s offering, and enjoy it with people i enjoy being around?”

I’m also so consumed by completionism and collecting, that i MUST have all of the new things, all of the new titles and triumphs and guns. It’s a problem I’ve been struggling with for a long time, most likely because i tie my self worth to what i can achieve, and this is what i can achieve. And I’m worried that final shape will just fuel that fire and not solve the root problem. Because at the end of the day it’s more content, with more things to obtain and feats to achieve.

But it’s also a story, a story that has been building up for 10 years, the climactic conclusion to the light and dark saga, and i don’t want to miss out on it, especially looking through the metaphorical window.

Yes, $124.99 is (in comparison to other MMOs (even though destiny isn’t really an MMO in the traditional sense)) is a reasonable asking price for a year’s worth of content. Yes, i don’t HAVE to buy the annual pass edition (and i probably shouldn’t, again, because of sunk cost fallacy). The basic edition comes with the expansion and the first episode, which is cool.

I want to be hyped about final shape. I want to join my friends in experiencing the expansion. But im just so conflicted because of my personal morals and stances, but maybe i can make an exception for destiny, but making exceptions just leads to more doubt, and if i can’t take a strong stand on something, then who am i really?

People have been so kind to me recently. I want to return that kindness by being there for them, even in a silly video game. Because this silly video game has meaning.

I don’t know, i just wanted to get these thoughts out there

[awakefor48hours]

Hi, coming from this: https://www.tumblr.com/awakefor48hours/748301789800071168/youre-a-kid-especially-a-teenager-come-here post of yours. I know you are trying to protect teenagers and such but, the internet is an escape for me, I got 🍇 by my older brother when I was eight and getting into iPads and such, when I’m on the internet it’s like I feel free to be myself and forget about all the things he has done to me, yes there is pedophiles online but there is also pedophiles offline.

I’m not against the internet being your safe space, if it is then that’s great. The internet and social media, especially as of late, has been an important safe space/third space.

All I’m trying to say in that post is, don’t write something like “Luz Noceda || 14 || currently attending Hexside || lives in The Owl House with The Owl Lady” in your bio. That’s a lot of information about your life and it let’s literally anyone know this about you. This includes stalkers, pedophiles, etc.

I am just trying to discourage this behavior of oversharing. I don’t care in the slightest if you’re a child on the internet, I was once a child on the internet. Also by putting this information about yourself online you’re making yourself vulnerable to real world consequences.

What I really want to encourage is for kids to either not go by a name online or use a fake name and not overshare about their living situation. Everything else is literally none of my business.