#also i’m still on like . season 11 so be kind

[phibsies]

haven’t posted much .. have these ninjago doodles i also did for my insta stories :3

and these that i did in class i guess

[irrealisms]

Hey so I want to get into lifesteal. I don’t exactly feel like watching hundreds of hours of vods. I did also watch one of the three hour long summaries by one of the members but most of it went right over my head. At this point I’m mainly interested in watching pangi’s and clown’s pov. Could you catch me up with the lore and maybe recommend a few vods?

absolutely!!! the first thing i'll say is that lifesteal is sort of like hermitcraft or the life series (if you're familiar with those), in that it has multiple seasons, each of which is on a different server and comes with new teams/plotlines/builds/etc., although they do sometimes reference past seasons. so if you want to only watch some seasons and not others, that's an option! both pangi and clown joined in s2 and are still members today in s6; clown is imo most famous for his s3, which is where clownzy comes from.

(if you don't want to watch hundreds of hours of vods but don't mind watching like a hundred hours of edited videos i also have playlists of all the edited videos buuuuuut i assume that you do not want to do that either lol. i'll link the playlists of Just clown and Just pangi povs though bc those should b shorter!)

the good news is that clown doesn't really stream and does make edited videos, and pangi is also pretty good at making edited videos. the bad news is that pangi streams a lot. the other good news is that i love Talking About Lifesteal.

uhhhh first off. some edited-video playlists:

clownpierce s2 (11 videos, 2.5 hours)

pangi s2 (2 videos, 15 minutes)

clownpierce s3 (9 videos, 3.5 hours)

pangi s3 (5 videos, 45 minutes)

clownpierce s4 (3 videos, 1 hour)

pangi s4 (10 videos, 2 hours; has some videos not by pangi if they are relevant to pangi's story)

clownpierce s5 (7 videos, 3 hours)

pangi s5 (2 videos, 30 minutes)

[there are no clownpierce videos for s6]

pangi s6 (16 videos, 2.5 hours)

general overviews of the seasons and whether/how much i recommend them:

i quite like clownpierce's s2; it's kinda old and a bit messy, it's from when he and lifesteal really blew up as youtubers, and also from when he was cracked at crystal pvp. he's very involved in the ~main plot, between the M.O.B. (clown's team) and the Poggies (parrot's team). he gets some delightful monologues and fun moments. if you have derangements about Content and Narrative within mcyt the way i do i definitely recommend his s2. pangi ... only joins halfway through s2 and doesn't really do much lol

clownpierce's s3 is REALLY good. there is a reason that clownzy is the #1 lifesteal ship on ao3, and it's because of clown and branzy's s3. i personally prefer branzy pov of s3 tbh but clown pov is also quite good! evil clown runs casino, falls in love, does a lot of scamming and murder. very good imo. pangi's s3 is good but kind of forgettable imo, although it (especially the last video) is good as leadup for...

pangi's s4! once again i REALLY like pangi's s4. (not to brag but you can spot me in the twitch chat of one of his videos.) he gets very involved in the plot this season; he starts shit with the NPPP, clownpierce, and team awesome, in that order, and has a deeply messy relationship with princezam, including "princezam literally flying to the netherlands and using pangi's minecraft account to give pangi's hearts to his enemies", "princezam pretending to be on pangi's side when pangi declares himself king only to actually be double-agenting", and "pangi traps a suicidal princezam in bedrock". love those guys. and pangi's s2-3 (but ESPECIALLY the princezam empire) sets up their friendship a bit more if you end up interested in them! you can skip the valentines date & escape room if you are primarily watching for major plot events, they're very filler-y, but they're a fun time and they were pangi videos from s4 so

clown's s4 is. fine? it's got one video of "this event is also covered in the pangi playlist" (shades vs clown duel) and two videos that are fun for clown but pretty disconnected from The Rest Of The Server. that said if s3 got you invested in clownzy you should check out I Trapped Him In Minecraft's Safest Base. clown basically did not log on for most of s4 and it shows ToT

pangi's s5 is another. it's fine? it's really really short. it is literally two videos. one of my favorite s5 streams that never went anywhere or got made into a video is related to pangi but it, uh, never went anywhere or got made into a video lol. tl;dr: he and zam are teammates this season! for real this time and they aren't going to have a big dramatic breakup!!! this lasts...about half the season until they have a big dramatic breakup (not shown in the youtube videos, which are all set before that). he also got involved in some Dragon Egg Shenanigans and started some shit with subz early-season but nothing huge.

clown gets more involved again in s5! he's not quite as involved as he was in s2-3 but he is There for a lot of stuff: he makes the PMC with Minutetech, Leowook, and Sort Of Branzy, doesn't log on for a while, logs back on to help with the scavenger hunt during void arc (aka "do our scavenger hunt or else we turn all of spawn into void"), and then betrays the PMC for end-of-server. there's some good stuff in there imo.

pangi's s6 is ... mostly just Silly Bits rather than Getting Involved, both in videos and vods. that said it might be worth watching some of it as a realm viewer bc it's the origin of his current bits--eg the therapy thing is a lifesteal s6 original!

in terms of character stuff about the two of them:

with clown there are a couple things i want to talk about. the main thing everyone talks about is clownzy, and i'd also like to talk about the broader phenomenon that creates clownzy, which is that clown really loves having a Little Guy: someone who's kind of pathetic and bad at pvp, so that clown can Protect Them and be a little threatening to them and even more threatening to their enemies. the other thing i want to talk about is actually not clownzy-related? clown likes (and is quite good at!) playing evil menacing villains, but he's in many ways a believer in politeness and fair play; he's a very gracious loser, to the point where lifestealers have said before that they feel kinda bad when they win against him, and he tends to strongly favor fair fights over traps or exploits. which is interesting to me! uhhhh another thing that's interesting is that (as is the case with many/most lifestealers) his videos tend to editorialize; his s3 especially stands out to me for this, for a few moments but one that stands out to me is that when mr. cube successfully rigs the casino against him he just cuts this out of his video even though he's got the moments right before and right after it in his video.

with pangi something that sticks out to me is .... well first of all i could talk about his relationship with zam for aaaaaaages. there's a thing there of. he and zam are quite close ooc, and so zam tends to take him for granted as an ally, even when zam treats him quite poorly and doesn't prioritize him? this was most obvious in s4 but i would say even in s5 when they teamed up again uhhhhhh zam does very much (a) find another team that zam ends up much closer with (b) plan to spawnkill pangi. but pangi's still very much in a position where his strongest/closest relationship is usually zam. there's also a thing where he's currently known as a Silly Lighthearted Bits guy and not someone who gets seriously involved in the LoreTM and i think sometimes people forget that this wasn't always true? but even in s4 when he was much more involved in things there's some level of disconnect; in late s4 there was a lot of "major developments happen while pangi's asleep, the next day zam catches pangi up on everything that happened". and i would also argue that all of this is v related to pangi being european time zone and lifesteal being overwhelmingly american. it's harder for pangi to form strong bonds or get super involved in things when people are just... not online at the same time as him.

uhhhh also if u just want to jump in w s6 u can do that. pangi hasn't had any Big Lore this season you can just start watching him. go for it. clown doesn't really stream it bc he hates us but he hasn't done much in s6 so far so if he starts doing stuff, again, you won't be missing things, u can just jump in

i was going to talk more about the lore for each season beyond whether i recommend it, since you mostly wanted me to give summaries that catch you up, buuuuuut this post is already absurdly long. most of my favorite pangi vods either got made into videos or i mostly enjoy them for other characters (e.g. there are at least three pangi s4 vods i really like because zam is being incredibly suicidal in them lol) BUT. have the princezam-pangi divorce vod from s5 in which zam tries to spawnkill pangi bc zam needs hearts and pangi gets away and then they argue for like an hour. this is the aforementioned stream that never got made into a video. i know it is a zam pov stream but i really like it for pangi as well :3

if you prefer vods to edited videos and want me to recommend a few others that did make it to videos, or if you want a more in-depth summary of any of the seasons: just send another ask and i will happily yap more!!! this is kinda all over the place bc i'm sick rn but i will do my best. i am torn between "i hope this wasn't too long" and "i am worried it should have been significantly longer in order to actually answer your questions abt lore instead of just linking videos" lol but ! as i said feel free to just, send another ask, u have no idea how excited i was to get this ask, i love talking about lifesteal ^w^

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Japan is Winning on Kisses & Other Alternate Realities

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - It would be great if we got the alternative romance with dead Kram from Tai’s perspective (JBL style.) Still I like this show. It’s a little bit like I Feel You Linger in the Air only with a love triangle. And while I'm not a fan of triangles as a general rule, I don’t mind it here because the set up is clever. Wayu and  ao are fun sides too. It sure is moving very quickly, which I like. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on. But that’s normal for me with this kind of Thai drama. 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 4 of 8 - They are extremely sappy boyfriends. I love that mom has a secret gf. Could we please have more of them? The love triangle sides are ridiculous, but I do like that it’s all out in the open. I also like they are actually addressing the complicated parental dynamics of owning a sex club. Honestly, I think Khem should have to be a host too. Learn him the right way, girl!

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - It’s good, I like the fallout and them actually having to deal with crazy fans and past relationships. They’re so good at communicating it’s kind of a pleasure to watch them suffer through external pressures, because I have faith that they can make it through.

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) ep 6 of 8 - They are such cute puppy dads and so clearly meant to be together, the fact that they aren’t is just frustrating. The fight thing was stupid. And not a whole lot happened... plus singing. I’m getting fatigued with this one. 

1000 Years Old ep 7 of 12 - Did I miss something happening, or did nothing happen? 

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 6 - It’s so boring, there’s so much guitar playing, and it got weirdly voyeuristic (in a very much not sexy way). I’m totally out. DNF

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) ep 3 of 6 - I can’t tell if this is trying to be a BL Romancing the Stone, or a BL Hangover, or both. The problem with situational comedy is it must be both situational and comedic, not just option one. The problem with calling something BL, is that it must be BL. This show got 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. DNF 

Honestly, it's the HANDS with these two. They do beautiful beautiful things with their hands. If you're one of those hands-obsessed BLabies you should be watching LIBTSTA!

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube & Viki) ep 6 of 11 - So the worst finally happened. The mountain of pain has fallen down upon us. And now, hopefully in the second half things get better for our boys. But what a rough ride. Normally, this is not my style of BL, but everyone is doing such a gorgeous job with it, I can’t fault it… except that it hurts. The red thread symbolism was elegantly done. I’d like to hope we get a reunion in the next one, but knowing this style of series they’re gonna draw it out. There's gonna be a more pain first.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Those fuck me puppy dog eyes were perfectly executed. I would not have been able to resist either. Gosh they are so damn cute. This is a great show.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 1-2 of 8 - This comes from the Shoulder to Cry On team so I'm scared, but this one is all actors* not idols so maybe they'll be braver. Boy howdy does it have a fantastic opening sequence. Also the lead is fucking adorable. Mr Broody McBroodypants is cute too. Korea sure loves “pretty but broken.” On the JBL end of the spectrum, is everyone in love with their siblings? That’s weird. The dining room scene was painful. All in all, it's good, I'm intrigued. Let's see how you go little show.

I stand absolutely corrected the lead is a member of NEWKIDD (in my defense I'd never heard of them until Build Up last month). I did recognize him from To My Star because at the time I thought he was too pretty to be only a side character.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 10 fin - Again there was overuse of previous footage and maudlin navel-gazing grief over something we knew was going to happen. So I didn’t really feel much emotional connection to the drama. 7 year time gap.? t was a cute reunion but the moral quandary never really got resolved. I don’t know how to rate this, I’m not sure I will ever watch it again, so that is a big mark against it.

There’s nothing objectively wrong with this BL except how upsetting it is because of the foundational pygmalion story - grown man falls in love with an android who is basically both his slave and, by maturity level, a child. Yet that premise is crystal clear from the get go, so we watch it eyes open. The actors are cute, the romance sweet, the physical chemistry on point (of course, it’s Taiwan) and yet I was left ultimately unsettled by the concept, content, and plot. 7/10 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - I'm so ready for this to be over, and for Gaga to have something good on. Soon please?

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much to ask me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training. Waiting to binge.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - I watched the first ep but grey is too much work for this inferior of a show. I may pick up and binge if it gets distribution but for now, it gets a DNF from me. KimCop might have held this crap together but Kim without Cop? No thank you.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Tangential to the genre

There has been the occasional discussion on this topic here in this little corner of tumblr so I thought there might be a few intersted in this podcast: AmericanThaiGuy Ron Weaver on the Complicated Issue of Racism in Thailand (The Bangkok Podcast)

Thailand passed its Marriage Equality bill through the lower house. It's expected to pass the high house and get signed by the King, but that hasn't quite happened yet.

And MaxTul dropped a photo shoot.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting Soon

3/31 Only Boo! (Thai GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks grumpy/sunshine pair who fall deeply in love but, of course, baby boy idol can't date. Boyband but from GMMTV? Control your singing and I'm game.

3/31 The Next Prince (Thai ????) 12 eps - trailer. ZeeNew in a fantasy/historical set in a palace where Zee plays a knight and Nu a prince - YES PLEASE. (Apparently this is just the pilot, not the start of the actual show, see comments.)

4/1 Love is like a Cat (Korea ????) 12 eps - This completed filming Aug 2022(!) which means there have been serious problems with post-production. This is another of Silkwood's Korean+Thai colab projects. Mew Suppasit plays a rookie film star, called the Cat Prince (for his cold arrogance) who goes up against a charismatic puppyish animal daycare director (JM of JUST B). There is a side romance (love triangle?) with a veterinarian. Geonu of JUST B is also in the cast. Dual languages.

Hum, trash-watch-a-licious?

4/3 We Are (Thai GMMTV YouTube iQIYI) 12 eps - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN!

4/11 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan ????) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga - may not be global) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn.

Seriously? You're killing me with these titles, boys.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Just these two, in my head, rent free. Thanks Japan!

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy. (With so many tags when does a weekly tumblr post become a newsletter? That is this week's philosophical question...)

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#380

“Boy, that took you long enough.  Did it come out clear three times in a row?...  Good.  I don’t want no fag mud on my hog.  I will beat the shit out of you if I go to fuck you and you ain’t clean.  And it won’t be the fun kind of beating the shit out of you.  It will be your responsibility to keep your hole clean.  You understand?

“…You seem to be taken aback by what I’m saying, or when I told you to go clean out not one hour after we first met.  Look, I’m 63 years old, I don’t have the patience for beating around the bush.  I’m blunt.

“When Leonard assigned you to train with me, he knew that I only train faggots.  I know him, and he would not have brought up my name as a seasoned trainer unless he told you that I’m a fag fucker.  For the next 11 weeks, you will be the fag I mostly fuck.

“What did he tell you about me?...  That I have been ‘A truck driver for forty years and that I’m a total top.’  Ok.  Did he also tell you I have a fat sausage?  He probably did; I use his cunt from time to time, and he loved to brag to the other fags that he can take me.

“Oh finally, that car is pulling out of here…. 

“Strip….  I said ‘Strip.’  Now listen here you little faggot.  I don’t know what you thought was going to happen between us, but that’s my rig.  My rig!  It’s not the company’s.  I create the rules.  They are not negotiable.  At the end of the eleven weeks, you will be a damned good truck driver and well trained cum dump.

“Look you can see a mile up the road.  Not much on the road right now, we have plenty of advanced notice if someone should approach let alone pull off.  Now strip.

“Faggot, you are going to learn very fast that I think about sex just about all the time….  Wait, let me guess, you don’t like being called a ‘faggot?’  For fuck’s sake.  OK, I won’t call you Faggot.  Does that make you feel better… Cunt?

“Cunt you will leave this pecker alone.  Now turn around and show me that cleaned out cunt.  Whew!  That hole sure is pretty.  That prettiness won’t last a minute.  Spread your legs and put your fingertips on the asphalt.  Your master is coming in.

“One thing you will learn is, I love to fuck.  When I’m waiting for a load to be unloaded, I fuck.  When I have to refuel, I fuck.  When I am driving, I’m thinking about fucking.  I always have a small bottle of lube in my pocket for times like this.  Now hold still.  I’m going right to the root, and I expect you to scream your fucking head off.

“I love fucking a naked cunt outside in the middle of the day, especially far from anyone to hear the screams.  Now scream!  Oh hell yes.  Scream motherfucker.  You don’t want to hurt, then accommodate me!  Your focus in on my cock, always.  Always.  When we are driving across the country and you are tied up to the bunk with your cunt facing the front, your focus is on my cock.  When I am asleep and you are driving naked with a large butt plug in your cunt, your focus is on my cock.  When I bring you to a cruise spot and have anonymous men use your cunt, your focus is on my cock.  When I am taking a belt to your ass, your focus is on my cock.  When I bring you back to my home in Minnesota and install you under my rimseat, your focus in on my shithole first and then on my cock.

“You got all that?...  Cunt!  I don’t give a shit how much pain my dick is inflicting.  If I did care, the answer would probably be ‘Not enough.’  Don’t worry, after a day or two, you will be stretched out enough so that this is not that much of a struggle.  Hell, I already feel your cunt relax to accept me now. 

“This is your life for the next eleven weeks.  This is why you will be douching out daily.  I’m also going to control what you eat, that’ll make the clean out process easier.  It’s going to be pretty much non-stop butt fucking for you, with some blow jobs and ass eating to break up the monotony. 

“…What was that?...  You don’t eat ass?  You don’t want to stick your tongue where another man shits?  Believe me, I understand.  That’s why I don’t do it.  And when you get your own rig, you won’t have to. 

“Don’t you dare try to stand up when I am fucking you in this position.  Yes it’s an uncomfortable position.  I want it that way.  I said, don’t stand up.  In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t give a shit what you want or don’t want. 

“You keep up this idea that your opinion matters, I will give a shit….  Literally!  I am not into that scene, but I will totally shit in your mouth to get you to understand that your opinion is as useless to me as your pecker. 

“You know what?  Stand up.  Look at me….  Look at me Cunt.  Yeah, face slaps are my thing too. 

“I’m ready to end this now if you want.  I will walk back to my rig, and I will leave you standing naked in this lot.  You want to stay with me, you agree to do what I say when I say it.  No asking not to do anything.  And what I will give you is free driver training, free lodging, I’ll pay for your food, all the expenses along the way, and finally and most importantly all the sex you ever wanted from men like me. 

“I know where the active cruise spots are.  I have driver contacts across the country that like to fuck faggots like you.  I know where the last remaining truck stops that still have communal showers.  You’ll definitely get gang banged there.  There are some other places, like this biker roadhouse where faggots get used.  That’s only the beginning.  Summer is approaching, and the fag fuckers come out to play in a big way.

“This is the only time I will make you this choice.  You want me to leave you here or do you want to be transformed into a cum-guzzling and ass eating cunt, one that can drive a truck?

“…What was that?...  That’s as I thought.  But don’t call me ‘Sir’ as you haven’t earned the right to.  You are to refer me as ‘Master.’  Once you establish yourself with me, without future problems, I’ll let you call me ‘Sir.’  And if you do a real good job, after the end of the eleven weeks, I might let you address me as ‘Dad.’

“Ok get on your knees and suck your ass juices off my cock.  Don’t think.  Just do.  Stick it in your mouth.

“Atta boy.  You are taking your first step on the right path.

“I plan on taking you there tonight, to that biker roadhouse.  They require all faggots to be locked up in a chastity cage.  They have a guy there that will fit you with one exactly to my specifications.  You’ll wear it for your duration with me. 

“I will pay for your entrance.  They charge faggots to be used by them.  Faggots from all over the area arrive, pay, and get stripped.  They are secured in one of several stations for the night.  There’s one that is bent over to lick boots all night.  Another is on urinal duty.  There’s a glory hole station and a rimming station.  There’s a full toilet station.  Piss me off again, and you might be secured in there.  And they have ways of making the faggots comply. 

“Get up and get back into position with your fingertips on the asphalt….  There you go.  Fuuuuuck…  Cunt, your cunt feels so good.  You’re not screaming this time.  Good.

“For you, I was going to have you installed at the glory hole station.  I’m going to switch it up to the ass eating one, get you under one of their rimseats.  There’s this one that your lay down on a small platform in one room, and you scoot your head through a hole in the wall.  Your head comes out into the bar area under what they call ‘The Throne.’  Your legs are lifted up, spread, and secured to the wall, leaving your cunt open for any type of pussy play.  That’s sometimes reserved by faggots weeks if not months ahead. 

“I’ll contact the owner and the man that likes to sit on the Throne for hours on end.  He’ll let me know if it’s available.  Regardless, you will be installed at one station through the night.  I’ll use you early on, but I’ll go back to the rig to spend my down time. 

“The thought of that is really getting me going.  Can you feel my cock getting thicker?  It loves it with thoughts of faggots used in a way that god intended.

“We have about some time before we need to get rolling.  Now that you know what the next three months will look like, I’m going to enjoy my new accommodating cunt for a bit.  Try to hold your position.”

[amuseoffyre]

"I don't even know who I am"

What I have loved about the show from day one is that it has been an unflinching examination of identity and what makes it: the things that shape people into who they are and how that impacts on how they act and react to the world around them.

The exploration of Ed’s sense of self has been so beautifully handled and I know that if/when we get a third season, they’re going to do even more with it.

This is a character who has been raised with violence and cruelty his whole life, who was told “we’re just not those kind of people” when he yearns for something better, who killed to protect his mother, who ended up under the heel of a brutal tyrant of a captain who used sadistic punishments and death to keep his crew in line.

It’s the only life he knew and it’s the only option he sees himself as having. He has no concept of any other alternative until along comes Stede “there’s always another way” Bonnet and he’s fascinated. He even tells Stede as much the first time they met – “do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone doing something original out here? It’s impossible, man.”

Ned Lowe cements that fact in 2x06, describing Ed as a generic pirate and Ed immediately calls him out on the fact that he’s as messy as the rest of them even if he’s trying to act like he’s not, observing “It’s usually family stuff”. Stede even observes “A lot of your friends are troubled” and Ed fully admits “Yeah. Well. They’re pirates.”

There’s so much juicy meta to be had about the fact that Stede wants to desperately be a pirate and Ed doesn’t even catch that not only is Stede fully troubled but that it’s got Family Stuff etched all over it. He even says “you’ve got it all figured out”, but the Stede meta is for another day.

In S1, Ed’s in a pretty depressed space and finds a bit of a respite from it in Stede’s company. It lets him try out new things, things he didn’t think he was allowed/able to do, but he still follows a lot of the patterns of behaviour and actions that are standard in the pirate lifestyle that has been 80% of his lived experience.

He can switch violence on and off when he needs it (“next one goes through your fucking eye”), he doesn’t see anything wrong in talking about the violence he’s inflicted (“Well, this one time I was gouging an eye out of this lad’s skull”), he has a deep well of punishments that he can draw from (force-feeding body parts, mutilation, skinning, maiming) and all of these things are just so normalised for him that he’s desensitised to how horrific they are.

He’s still doing all those things while also telling stories, having fun, teaching people about fuckeries and generally being “more open and available than I’ve ever seen him”. He hasn’t wanted or needed to shed that side of his life because he’s getting the best of both worlds.

Only then Calico Jack pays a visit and ramps Ed’s behaviour up to 11 and this is the first time Stede – who is dealing with his own issues at the same time – says that there’s something wrong with the way he’s behaving.

Ed says to Stede, confused and stung, “This is who I am. This is me” when Stede points out all the behaviour he isn’t enjoying. And for him, at this point, this is him. This is what he’s grown up knowing and being. This is his lifestyle and part of the culture of the pirate community. We see it repeatedly when we see Ed encountering people from his past or in the Republic. It’s the frog-in-the-pot scenario. He’s been in the pot so long, he doesn’t know it’s been boiling the whole time.

Only the very next episode, at the academy, pared back to just be Edward Teach, born on a beach, he admits “I don’t know if I want to go back to the old days, drinking all day and forcing some bloke to eat his own toes for a laugh”. He’s been played and double-crossed by people who trusted him and he sees an alternative in Stede – “I’m your friend” Stede told him, and he wants that. He wants a friend he can trust. They can go off together, away from all that and everything’ll be fixed, right? That’ll make it all good.

And then…

And then we all know how that goes.

Briefly, very briefly he thinks he might be able to hold on to that different kind of thing, that softer, brighter world, but Izzy reminds him of the reality of their situation. That people he considers allies and friends can and will warn him to “watch his fucking step” and that this is not a world where he can let his guard down.

Either you’re part of that world or you die. Izzy said it as far back as episode 4. The only retirement they get is death. And so that’s the option Ed takes: either watch the world burn or die trying. Not like he can have anything else. For ever and ever, trapped in his life and world he has come to hate.

He sinks him into the worst of it to try and end things faster. He’s crueller. Relentless. Brutal. And no one seems to care that he’s shattering under the weight of it, until he forces their hand and goads them into killing him or letting him kill all of them.

Izzy says “we did this to him” to Stede, but neither of them seem to realise how much deeper Ed’s hurts go. Yes, they both had an impact on Ed, knocking away his sense of place and self and acceptance, but the wounds are far older and far deeper than they know.

It’s only when Ed is first forced to confront himself in the unsettling not-reality of the gravy basket that he takes the first step in understanding himself better. He’s forced to face the stuff he’s done and the worst parts of himself. He even tries to kill them, over and over again, until he realises.

I find it especially interesting that Buttons describes getting out of purgatory as “escaping”. That this is a place where you’re flayed down to the bones and forced to face the worst parts of yourself.

It’s so vital that he – and Stede – have the encounter with Anne and Mary. He’s reminded of the world that he was part of and the casual brutality that came with it. He’s shown that he and Stede could easily fall into those patterns, but instead Stede offers him honesty, comfort and the assurance that he is loved.

“A lot of your friends are troubled” Stede observes after and Ed admits that yeah, they’re pirates. He recognises that this is part of the social culture he grew up in and that it’s still impacting on him now.

But what happens next is so sweet and important. Buttons talks to him of learning to change, that nothing is fixed and that if you want to, you can change your path. And then Buttons shows him it’s possible and Ed’s face just lights up. Yes, brother. Fly. You can change things. You can choose another way.

Only it’s not simple. It’s not straightforward. With the probation period, Ed looks for quick fixes – offers to let Lucius push him overboard to get it over with and the like – but part of him still doesn’t quite get why some of the stuff he did was wrong because it was so normalised to him.

It takes Fang saying “I was terrified” to make him see it and coming from someone who has been with him for 20 years, realising someone else from within his own world was terrorised by him brings things into focus for him. That the things he thought were games weren’t. That the stuff he told himself was normal in context absolutely wasn’t normal.

And this is where Ed’s entire world view pivots. Fang shows him how to sit with himself, how to reflect. Ed takes this lesson to heart and he’s still working through it, gazing out to sea and thinking about it at the beginning of episode 6. He goes from never apologising for anything as a captain to telling both Fang and Izzy quiet, but meaningfully, “I’m sorry”.

He’s known for a long time that he’s tired of piracy, but the Ned Lowe situation is the thing to put the final nail in the coffin: this man hunted him down because of his pirating. This man hurt them all because of it. And worst of all, Ned took the man Ed loves and pushed and provoked him until Stede killed him. This was Ed’s “you defile beautiful things” moment. His face in those scenes, when he said “don’t do it, you can’t come back from this” is a call from his own experience. Stede is taking that step onto a path that Ed desperately wants to get off.

That night makes the decision for him.

The next morning, his leathers go overboard, a symbolic end to Blackbeard (and I will yell another day about him putting the proverbial beast back under the waves. Ed and his sea metaphors are gnawing me alive) and he’s happy about it, humming and hurrying back down to join Stede in their bed.

Stede doesn’t notice, though. Stede never would notice something like that being important because for him, Ed is Ed. Whatever he wears, whatever he does, he is Ed. A change of clothes doesn’t change him in Stede’s eyes.

But other people notice. Hell other people not noticing Blackbeard and only seeing some hobo dude is such a change. There’s something so significant that the people he chooses to talk to about it are the old guard in his field. He tells Jackie “it’s not a phase” and Izzy that it felt “fucking great” and both of them get it. Both of them have been there, seen it, experienced it.

Only it happens as he’s seeing Stede become what he used to be, stepping into the space he’s willingly leaving, and Stede is so happy about it. And he’s happy for Stede to have his moment and be appreciated, but it just throws into stark relief that this is absolutely not what he wants or needs right now. He still has a lot of figuring out to do and unfortunately, they’re both highly-emotional people and when they’re emotional, their communication goes down the toilet.

Once upon a time Ed said “this is who I am, this is me” to Stede, when he was acting exactly like Stede is now: raucous, drinking, chaotic and loud. Only time and reflection has let him see that wasn’t necessarily him but the environment and his circumstances shaping him to be like that, just as it's now making Stede act that way.

“I don’t even know who I am,” he admits in this argument. “I’m not ready for whatever this is”. He knows he has a lot more to figure out and because he’s latched on so hard to fishing as a place to be quiet and contemplate, that’s why he runs there. He wants to work himself out without the weight and pressure of the pirate world breathing down his neck.

Only he doesn’t talk about it, he doesn’t explain, he just tells Stede he’s leaving and Stede immediately sees it as something he’s said/done, rather than something that Ed is trying to figure out. They both hurt each other because Ed has always worried that Ed isn’t enough – the loss of the beard still weighs on them both – and that Stede is only humouring him to get Blackbeard, while Stede is so convinced that being a great pirate will mean he and Ed can be together as equals instead of him being a bumbling amateur who isn’t worthy of the man he loves, only to see it slip through his fingers.

They both need to talk to each other, but they don’t know how. Ed’s made quick, rash decisions, but they’ve come on the back of a lot of reflection and he just didn’t explain it. He’s right that he doesn’t know who he is himself. He’s never had the chance to just… take the time and figure it out. He needs that time, but they just don’t have it right now and they end up hurting each other more because of it.

I’ve said from the beginning that both of them are coming from opposite ends of the spectrum and that they’re destined to meet somewhere in the middle. Ed got his fantasies of a fancy life shattered in season one and now, Stede is seeing the impact of his pirate fantasies on the life he made for himself in season two.

Both of them are on the edge of a catastrophe curve, misunderstanding each other’s motivations and totally at odds with who they are versus who they have been told they need to be. They will get there, but two little lost boys finally taking off the rose-tinted glasses and dealing with the mess that they have carried with them their entire lives isn’t easy.

And I will fully admit I am loving it.

[911lsbts]

Rob, you recently wrapped production on the fifth — and potentially final — season of “9-1-1: Lone Star,” which will kick off with a three-episode train derailment. What else can we expect from the new season?

Rob: We all went into it pretty much knowing that it was going to be the last season, so that affected everything we did. We wanted to really show everybody what is still possible in network television if people have the appetite to do it. It feels like it’s probably the end of an era of a certain type — well, it doesn’t feel like it. It is the end of an era of a certain type of show we once had an opportunity to make, and I think they’re great. We wanted to go out making our case for the value of shows like that, and I think we did a really good job. The stories that we were able to tell on a weekly basis in terms of the scope and scale — that’s probably the thing I’m the most proud of. They were truly like mini-movies every week.

One of the most common critiques of “Lone Star,” since its premiere in 2020, has been the way that the show has consistently underused minority characters in order to center your character, Owen. Rob, you’re an executive producer in addition to the star. John Owen, you were a writer for the first three seasons. How would you both respond to that criticism? Was that ever a concern when you were writing or producing the show?

John Owen: [Deadpans] I can tell you confidently, it was never a concern of Rob’s.

But no, I think, look, everyone’s always going to have a take on what it must be like internally, creatively, and usually, it’s not 100% percent accurate. And in this case, it’s not accurate at all. I was there when we were blue-skying Season 1 — and I want to preface this by saying I was starting out as a very green, new writer and learned from some of the best. It was such a fun experience for me. Owen was always the central piece of the show. He was one of the mediums through which we got to tell stories about the other characters and built them out into such lovable characters that people got frustrated, maybe, when they didn’t have as much screen time.

I remember my first episode that I wrote, being so excited to tell the first story that really featured Mateo [played by Julian Works]. He and Marjan [Natacha Karam] have this beautiful storyline where she’s helping him study, and I think that was one of the first times we learned Julian was a throwdown actor. And then we were like, “Great, let’s write to him.” So I know, at least from the room’s perspective, we were learning strengths and then started leaning into them. I think in any case where a show has a strong ensemble, people always are going to be frustrated with maybe not seeing as much of their favorite characters as they’d like — and I think that’s a good thing. You always want to leave people wanting more.

Rob: I think when [creators] Ryan [Murphy], [Brad] Falchuk and Tim Minear came to me, they were very clear about what they wanted to accomplish with the show. They imagined a show centered around the only survivor of a terrible tragedy in 9/11 and him rebuilding a firehouse, but also rebuilding his family. And in terms of playing time, I think that they did a really good job.

I don’t think there is another show on television with as diverse a cast as we had, telling the kind of diverse stories that we did. Owen was there as a way to tell those kinds of stories and I’m really proud of how we were able to do it.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

shameless fans who didn't watch s6/7/8 because mickey wasnt in them are weak as fuck honestly. like its so annoying that "gallavich" fans only actually like half of the dynamic

i 100% agree. i think there can absolutely be a difference between shameless fans and gallavich fans, honestly. i’m a gallavich fan and i have a lot of mutuals who are gallavich fans, but i think that type of gallavich fan is still a shameless fan. if you only watch for gallavich i don’t think you’re much of a shameless fan, and i don’t think you could confidently explain almost any other characters storyline.

^ and another thing about this is that if you aren’t a gallavich fan you’re simply just a mickey fan. mickey’s absense sucked, for sure, but in most shows, there’s a good chance a character you love may not be in the whole thing. boo hoo. i just don’t think you’re an ian fan if you’ll purposefully skip seasons 6-8 especially because they’re INCREDIBLY important to ian’s storyline.

i could talk about this more later, but s6 ian is one of his best and most important eras, and it gets overlooked because people were upset he shitted on mickey and didn’t wait. i know that was an asshole move, but he still had a great storyline. it’s the aftermath of the worst point of his life; recovery. he’s trying to find himself again and he’s slipping through the cracks simultaneously. the reason he’s so distant to mickey is because he struggles with avoidant attachment and he’s trying to move on from that point in his life. that’s literally how he words it. this season introduces him as an emt and it makes him have a purpose in his life again, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

s7 and s8 he begins to learn more about his identity and manages his disorder. s7 is kind of a plateau point because he really is more stable, but when monica comes back he kind of is able to resolve his own conflict with her, yet also leave it unresolved, as she dies. and s8 is the aftermath of that and also losing mickey. (boom! there’s a reason why it’s still important to watch s8 because he’s still kind of there) in s8 he’s extremely unstable, and it deals with the prior conflicts such as him prostituting himself, mickey being converted by his father, and simply just being a queer teenage boy in an environment where it isn’t welcome. mickey’s ghost is almost still in this season because there are many callbacks to him, and even if the writing is a bit weak, it’s still important. i can’t imagine just skipping whole ass seasons because mickey isn’t there as if ALL OF THAT isn’t important to the s10/11 gallavich we all know. they met again in prison, how can you ignore what led to that?

[k-s-morgan]

Hey K, have you seen the controversy around Hugh Dancy’s answers to hannigram-related questions at the Fan expo? Some fans are mad saying he’s a Hannigram denier but I’ve been in this fandom for 11 years now and honestly, reading his answers, he’s still saying the same stuff he always did though? So I’m a bit confused as to why people are angry with his answers?

He always acknowledged they loved each other, that it was a romance, but platonic. Also, I think he’s got a very British sense of humor and is sarcastic and ironic a lot and was never really into discussing hannigram as an openly gay romance, but more so because he is a literal guy in the way he communicates. Tons of Brits are like that. Especially actors, they’re not keen on doing fan service or saying what people like to hear. Mads on the other hand, loves enticing the audience and talking about Hannigram the way they want to hear.

All in all, maybe it’s bc some of these people are new to the fandom, but I literally think that this was just Hugh being Hugh and he gave mostly the same responses as he’s done in the past. It’s a mix of his sense of humor and the tone of the fan expo which is light and not necessarily a proper interview where he’d be more serious and give long answers.

Overall, what do you think?

Hi! Yes, I know a lot of people were unhappy with Hugh's responses - I'm not watching the fandom as closely as I used to, but I'm still keeping an eye on it.

I agree with you in that I heard nothing new. In my opinion, the problem lies in the reputation of 'Hannibal' fandom. We're known as a (mostly) cozy place where the biggest M/M ship is canon and actively supported by cast, writers, and the director. They all said so many wonderful things over the years, things that keep being repeated and are taken as a fandom Bible.

That's why people might still be unpleasantly surprised when they hear Hugh's reserved, distant replies, or Mads' weirdly shallow answers, or Bryan's ideas that are all over the place.

The truth is, ten years separate these people from their work. Hugh in particular hasn't even seen S3 as a complete product, at least from what I lasted heard. Besides, they all have been inconsistent even when the show was airing - Hugh has an interesting habit of saying different things depending on what kind of interview he's giving and who he's with. As an example, in the commentary to S3, he agreed with Bryan that Will was jealous of Bedelia and snapping at her because of it, but then later, he said Will disliked Bedelia for basically being a bad person, with jealousy being unrelated to it.

I'll be the first person to admit that some of Hugh's (and others') answers make no sense or contradict the show, but over the years, I got very used to it, to the point where it doesn't faze me any longer.

Hugh thinks it would take Will 7 season to fall in love with Hannibal, even though 7 seasons haven't been in the plans for over a decade (as Bryan has settled on 5 ages ago), and Will's silence to Bedelia's question and his further choices clearly meant to show he reciprocates? Ok. Hugh things Will's feelings for Hannibal are unrelated to his feelings regarding his own darkness? Fine - at least he acknowledged Will is dark because sometimes there are some denials about it. He thinks Will's decision to betray Jack and Alana and get a bunch of innocent people killed has nothing to do with his love for Hannibal? Lol, but all right.

I don't believe S4 will ever happen. Now, if it's announced, and then I keep hearing the stuff I really don't like, I might get worried, but as it is, I just save the things I agree with and ignore the rest :D The show is over, and we are all invited to come up with our own version of Will and Hannibal's future life. I'm also absolutely certain that we, passionate fans, know the show much, much better than people who were involved in it a decade ago. I mean, if I finished writing a fic 2 years ago, then a reader who just read it will probably know it better than I do at this point. It's natural.

Also, during this reunion, so many wonderful things were said, too. About Hannibal inviting Molly 'for dinner' and Will describing him as a 'therapist' to her, Hannibal urging Will to lose at least a dog or two out of the thousand when they are on the run, Will being annoyed by Hannibal's fussy kitchen habits, etc.

Basically, I don't think we heard anything new or bad. Some answers might have been frustrating, but the good still tops the bad, in my opinion - and the bad isn't all that relevant.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

To Find What Once Was Lost

Warnings: None really. Some angst. Regrets.

Summary: Y/N has found Dean, can she find what they lost when she said goodbye?

Pairings: Dean x Y/N

Word Count: 1250

A/N: So this fic is a sequel to Love Misunderstood. That little drabble was written just over a year ago, and I've been meaning to write this almost ever since.

@paarthurnax59 sent a very kind ask inquiring about a part 2 for them, and I was quickly inspired to write this sequel. It's more than twice as long as the first one - sorry! Couldn't keep this one short and sweet. 😏

Anyway, hope you all enjoy them both!

P.S. For reference, I pictured the first part of the story taking place when Dean was around 22 or 23. (2001/2002 - ish) This one is supposed to take place almost 11 years later, when Dean was 33/34 (2012/2013 - ish.) So around season 8. But there's room for interpretation as your imagination prefers. 😊

The day he stepped back into my life was just an idle Tuesday. I’d spent more than a decade avoiding him one way or another, either by design or by accident. 

Then one Tuesday night in Stedman’s Bar and Grill - there he was, leaning against the bar, swirling a glass of cheap whiskey.

Dean Winchester. 

The boy that I loved without understanding that I did. The boy who told me he loved me just so I could stomp on his heart. The boy I regretted more than any other mistake I’d made, and I’d made a lot of them. 

I stared at him across the room and the first thing I realized was that he wasn't a boy anymore. 

In some ways he still looked exactly the same, the same perfect profile, the same wide, disarming smile, the same jewel-bright green eyes that widened with surprise when they caught mine from across the room. 

But as I stared at him, I saw the differences too. When I’d known him, he’d been tall and muscular, but still a little lanky, as though he hadn’t quite grown into his size yet, like a puppy.

Now, he’d definitely achieved his full potential. His body was thick and broad, sturdy, like an oak tree - one that had weathered years and years of storms.

As he walked slowly towards me, his glass of whiskey in hand, I could see the changes in his face too. He was still inordinately beautiful - there was something almost surreal about that kind of beauty - but there was a warning in his eyes now, a set to his mouth that was harder. His smile was more cautious, less automatic.

He approached my table and my heart beat wildly. Then he spoke and I realized another big change.

“Hey, Y/N, long time no see.”

Like the rest of him, his voice had matured, deepened significantly. It was rougher, harder. But it had also gained the power to make an electric shiver run up my spine.

I tried to remember how to smile, as I greeted him. “Yeah, a long time. How…how are you?”

He shrugged and gestured to the chair across from me, questioning. I gave a nod. “Yeah, please, sit.”

He sat down and took a sip from his glass. “I’m good. You?”

I laughed lightly, nervously. “Well, over the last ten years or so?” I tilted my head. “Mostly okay.”

He frowned. “Hasn’t been ten years.”

I nodded. “You’re right, closer to eleven.”

I saw realization slowly dawn in his eyes and I chuckled. “Yeah.”

A charged silence descended and I knew we were both remembering that last meeting. I knew my memory of it was shrouded in regret and pain. How did he remember it?

As the time that bitch ripped his heart out? Puppy love for an unremarkable and undeserving girl? Or was his memory of me muted and fuzzy around the edges? 

Was I just a distant memory he had trouble accessing? 

I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t. Because what if I told him I remembered everything about our time together, that I remembered the way he smelled when he was fresh out of the shower, that I still make grilled cheese sandwiches the way he taught me, that I can’t listen to Nothing Else Matters because it makes me cry to remember the way he held me pressed close to him in the back of the Impala while it played softly over the radio.

What if I told him all those things and he remembered nothing, or he remembers and doesn’t care, remembers and curses my name, remembers and knows he dodged a bullet.

The endless what ifs kept my mouth sealed tight.

He cleared his throat. “So, still hunting?”

I nodded, grateful for the conversational lifeline. “Yeah, still at it. You too, from what I hear.” I smiled. “Thanks for uh…saving the world.”

He snorted softly, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “Yeah, no problem. Nothin’ else to do that day.”

I grinned. “Well, good thing.”

His smile softened slightly, and he sighed deeply. “Y/N Y/L/N.” 

I returned the soft smile. “Dean Winchester.”

In the renewed silence I heard a distant alarm bell going off in the back of my mind. For years I’d wanted the chance to tell him I was sorry, that I regretted hurting him, that he wasn’t wrong, it was love between us, that I’d been a fool. 

And now my mouth was sealed shut. But I was the one who did the hurting, and even though Dean was the one who walked out the door, I was the one who ended what we had. So, I had to be the one to speak first. 

With determination and terror I pried open my jaw and let my cartwheeling thoughts fall out.

“This is probably gonna be stupid and maybe you don’t care, or maybe you don’t wanna hear it, but I need to say I’m sorry.”

Dean was frowning. “No, Y/N-”

But I cut him off. “Please, yes. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long that I was the one who was wrong. I told you you were mistaken, that you didn’t love me, that we didn’t love each other, but I was so wrong. I was just a scared, stupid kid and I’ve regretted hurting you every day since. Because, you did love me, I did love you, it was real. Okay, maybe it was young and untested, but it was real. And…well, I’m just sorry I couldn’t understand that then.”

My voice got quiet. “I think about you a lot, and I always hope you’re well, happy.” I looked at him, my expression turning the statement into a question, and he just shrugged.

“I’ve been happy.” He paused a beat and then scoffed. “Been miserable and scared and broken, and stomped on quite a bit too.” He answered with a lopsided, heartbreaking smile. “But yeah, I’ve been happy.”

He caught my eye. “I’m happy now.”

My heart grew and thumped against my ribcage and I couldn’t help the tears that came to my eyes. I blinked them away and reached across the table to put my hand on his, smiling wide. “I’m happy too.”

He shook his head, inhaling deeply, and exhaling slowly. “Man, I’ll tell you one thing - I missed that smile.”

I felt myself blush and Dean chuckled and winked. “Missed making you blush too.”

I waved away his flirtations, though they made my pulse race, and I gave him a serious look. “Do you accept my apology? Forgive me?”

Dean’s face was gentle now, closer to the soft boy I remembered, though still forever altered. “Yeah, sweetheart. Long time ago. Life’s too short and mean to hold on to old hurts.”

A shy smile turned up the corner of his mouth and he stared into his whiskey. “Still think about you lots though too, still…still regret walking away.”

I squeezed his hand. “You’re right, gotta let go of those regrets.”

He looked back up at me and nodded. “Yeah, and maybe…?” 

I got lost in the forest of his eyes for a moment, but then raised an eyebrow in question. “Maybe…what?”

He shrugged, his expression sheepish. “Maybe start making new memories instead?”

There was a familiar warmth in his gaze that had goosebumps racing across my skin and the blush back in my cheeks.

“Yeah, definitely, new memories, new chances?”

He raised his glass of whiskey and winked at me again. “I’ll drink to that.”

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:

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Dean Fics Only:

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Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom:

@kazsrm67

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Everything Incl. Fan Edits:

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[deansapplepie]

Till THE DEAD do us part |Chapter 12

A/N: This story will take place in all the seasons, but it’s not exactly a rewriting cause I’d have to re-watch everything to use the exactly lines of the characters, also I think it’s better if I tell a side story without changing the main facts of the story.

This story has a Female Reader, but I don’t describe her appearance, so anyone can identify with her.

Chapter 11 Chapter 13

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Chapter 12: You already have me

Summary: Daryl couldn’t just resist Y/N only in one of his shirts waiting for him to sleep.

Warnings: pwp, smut, p in v, protected sex, oral (female and male), praise kink, use of the word f*ck 3x, soft cute dirty talk, pet names, untold feelings. Minors do not interact.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Grimes!Reader (Rick’s Sister)

Word Count: 1,906

Extra notes: I proofread the text, but English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes, of course with love. This Chapter is purely smut, no plot, really. Next chapter we go back to the series plot.

After another long day of work in the farm, you were back to yours and Daryl’s tent, you still smiled when you thought about, it was kind of nice to share something with a person, specially someone that meant something to you. The last days had been hectic, with a lot of discussion about what to do with Randall, the kid they brought from the city.

You took off your daily clothes and changed for one of Daryl’s shirts, they were big and comfortable, perfect to sleep. When you finished changing he entered the tent and drank you in, he had already lent you his flannels, but having you in just one of his shirts and probably your underwear, was really a sight.

“Are ya trying to seduce me?” He said zipping the door without taking his eyes off you.

“I’m not, but is it working?” You walked in his direction and put your arms around his neck.

“Now, ya tell me.” He got a hold on your waist and brought your body to meet his, you could clearly feel his erection on your belly.

You looked at his face, he hovered over you a little bit curved because of the tent height. “I think it was very useful to seduce you given your conditions…”

He had a smirk on his face when his lips touched yours, devouring them… He needed you so much, he had been wanting you for so long that it was overwhelming, also the stress of the last days had taken the best of him. It was as if he was sick and you were the cure.

“I need ya, I need to have ya.” He said forehead against forehead, his words burning like fire from your chest going straight to your core.

“You already have me, I’m yours.” You breath heavily, gasping for air. Both of you lowered to the ground laying over your sleeping bags, Daryl between your legs.

You kissed again, one arm supporting his weight and the other traveling from your thigh to your hips, to your belly and ending on your breasts. “No bra?” He broke the kiss to comment. 

“I thought it was prohibited using one in this tent.” You gave him your sweetest smile.

“Good girl…” his husky voice on your ear made things to your panties. “Ya learn fast…”

You whimpered just by listening his voice and his praise. “Do ya like when I praise ya?” He asked cupping your breast, his thumb passing on your hard nipple. You just nodded, unable to say anything. “I made ya a question pup, use yer words to answer me.” His mouth close to your ear and then he licks a long strand from your jaw to your neck.

“Yes… I like it.” You said, your hands running down his chest to the hem of his shirt trying to pull it up. “Take it off.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He took his shirt off immediately, his mouth going back to your neck and unbuttoning the shirt of his that you were wearing.

When he finished with the shirt he took a time to record the moment in his mind, you laying, wearing one of his shirts, your breasts showing with your hard nipples and your cute panties. In your needy state, you thought he was taking too long to go back to business. “Take a picture, it lasts longer” you said the one thing he used to always tell you when you kept staring for too long. And he would take a picture, if he had a damn camera and now he hated himself for not having one. 

He went back to your breasts now substituting his hands with his mouth sucking it and nibbling your nipples, eliciting the sweetest sounds from you. “That’s it baby, moan for me don’t keep your sweet little sounds from me.” His warm breath on your skin sending chills all over your body.

His mouth descending to your belly, going down to the place you needed him the most. His fingers pulled your underwear from your heat, you wriggled your hips and legs to help him taking it off faster. “Why the rush, pup?” He said giving you light little kisses between your thighs, you whined.

“Stop teasing… just do it, Daryl.” You cried tortured by the special treatment you were receiving from him.

“Nah… this is most of the fun.” He said too close to your core, his warm breath hitting your center and making you squirm in expectation.

He gave you one delicious kiss on your clit making you moan immediately and buck your hips. Your thighs closing instinctively trapping him between them. He gave a long lick on your folds feasting on your juices, your hand descended to hold his hair pressing his face against your pussy, his nose pressing your clit while his tongue worked heavens on your cunt making you whimper, squirm and moan. “Dee… please… please…” you pleaded him, you didn’t even know what you were requesting from him… a release? To just fuck you already? More?

“Not until you cum all over my face, baby…” He sucked your clit, nibbled it and then changed his attention again to your core tongue going as deep as he could. 

Your hand never leaving his hair, hips trusting on his face, experiencing the delightful sensation of the pleasure building in your lower stomach. He couldn’t stop eating out your delicious pussy. Your moans mixing with the sound of him devouring your juices making it sounds so pornographic that Daryl could swear he was capable of cumin by just eating you. You arched your back, your grip on his hair got tighter and your other hand gripped the sleeping bag under you. Once again you were filled with that marvelous feeling exploding and spreading and making you shiver, shake and whine while Daryl was still with his face buried in you and helping you go through your orgasm.

“Fuck… I was dyin’ to do it since last time I tasted ya.” He said coming back between your legs and kissing your lips, hungry, thirsty, almost feral. 

You could taste yourself in his mouth all together with his usual delicious taste and also tobacco that you weren’t really a fan, but tasted surprisingly well in his mouth. Your hands were on his back, but soon you took them to his stomach going to his waistband and unbuckling his belt, and oh you were happy he didn’t stop you this time. You opened his pants and put your hand inside on top of his bulge, palming it. It was rocking hard, he let out a groan before breaking the kiss. Your hands going to the waistband of his boxer pulling it down just enough to let his cock spring free.

You couldn’t contain your surprised face when you saw it, big and thick hitting his stomach once it was set free. You always thought dicks were such an ugly body part, but looking at Daryl’s you could affirm his was rather beautiful, even the hair he got that came from his belly and went down there. You pushed his trousers and box down the maximum that your arms allowed you, you just wanted him naked as soon as possible with his dick inside you. “‘Kay baby, I got it, gonna take them off.” He distanced himself just enough to get rid of his remaining pieces of clothing going back to you.

You sat and looked down at his throbbing dick, you couldn’t just resist. “C-can I touch it?” You asked and he just took your hand in his, and guided to his cock.

“Ya don’t need to ask, just touch it. It’s yers.” He hissed once your hand was around it, caressing, rubbing… going up and touching the head. 

“Can I taste it, just a little bit?” You asked doe eyes looking at him, how could he say no to such a pretty thing like you, when you asked so nicely. He loved how you were so submissive in a moment like this, as outside the sheets you didn’t take any shit from him or anyone.

“Just a little bit, pup. I don’t wanna cum in yer mouth, not today.” He caressed your cheek and let you take your time. 

You tried giving small licks on its head feeling the salty taste of precum, he got a hold on your hair just to stable himself, because the wave of pleasure that was sent through his body shook him. You gave a long lick along his shaft eliciting groans and grunts from him, and when you got to the head again you put it inside your mouth sucking and humming on it, eyes on his face and he was making the most pretty faces for you. He let out a moan and he couldn’t continue like this anymore, if your mouth continued any little longer on him, he would lose it, fuck your mouth and forget all the things he wanna do to you.

He pulled you from his dick pulling your hair and taking a look at your blushed face, swollen lips and bit of spit going from your mouth to your chin. “It’s enough baby, now I need to feel ya around me.” He said curving to give you a quick kiss. He took a condom and handed it to you. “Wanna make the honors?”

You took the pack and ripped it open taking the rubber to place it on Daryl’s cock. Thanks anyone up there, you had learned how to do it on sex education. Because before, you were never offered the chance of doing it.

When you finished, Daryl’s hand went to your nape tangling his fingers in your hair and bringing your face close to his for a kiss. He made you lay down again and in between your heated kiss he started to rub his length up and down between your folds spreading your juices all over his shaft. You moaned between your lips, hips trusting into him while he tortured you with his teasing and didn’t do what you wanted him to do so much. “Eager, are we?” He asked, breaking the kiss and looking into you half closed half open eyes.

“Oh Daryl… please… just…” You pleaded him, begged unable to say the words of what you really wanted and overwhelmed by his cock fucking your folds. 

“Please wha’, baby?” He asked hands caressing your hair. 

“Please…” You cried, ‘make love to me’ you wanted to say, but even with all the possessiveness, all the protection and all the unsaid words both of you had in your eyes, you couldn’t dare to ask it of him, because you didn’t know what he really felt, you didn’t even know exactly what you felt and you were so afraid of losing him and everything that you got. “Please, fuck me.”

“Didn’t know ya were such a dirty girl…” He said still moving outside your pussy.

“I am, ‘cause of you.” You barely managed to say. God, if he continued like this you’d come again just by the brush of his dick outside of you. “Dee… if you don’t go inside me any soon… I’m gonna cum again just like…”. You didn’t get to finish your sentence as the amazing electric wave of pleasure rushed all over your body, making you whimper and shiver out of pleasure.

“Ma dirty girl” He said caressing your hair and your face, peppering small kisses here and there. “Say ya’re ma dirty girl.” He rubbed the tip os his cock on your entrance, making you feel dumb because the words couldn’t come out of your mouth. “Hm… just tell me.”

“I’m… your dirty girl, Daryl…” you said breathlessly thinking you’d probably die from anticipation. “Now, please, gimme your cock.” 

“Don’t need to ask twice.” He said, ‘very funy’ you thought ‘just as if you didn’t make me beg you some seconds ago’.

He knew there was some time you didn’t have anyone inside of you, you were well lub, but he knew he should start things slow. He started pushing himself inside you and oh god the sensation of him stretching you was too much, you felt like he couldn’t go any further, but you needed him deeper. You felt already so full, but still it seemed like it wasn’t enough. “Fuck, ya’re so tight. I can barely move.” He hissed. “Are ya ok?”

“Yeah… uhg… just go until you’re full inside me” you answered arms around his torso, your fingers brushing lightly his back.

He moved a little bit more inside you and you couldn’t help moaning while he groaned the restraining feeling on his dick almost pulling him on the edge. “We’re almost there, pup.” Once he said it, bottomed out. “Tell me when I can move.”

“Okay”, you said, one hand caressing his hair, the other holding on his shoulder drawing little circles on it. Once adjusted to him, you gave him permission to move. “We can keep going.”

He pulled almost everything out, just to go fully deep again. He was slow but it didn’t mean he was being soft, he was a delicious mixture of rough and soft that you needed to know how to appreciate. “How d’ya like it, baby?” He asked face hidden on your neck, lips almost brushing your ears. “Wanna it slow and sweet or rough  and fast?” He moved inside you in a torturing pace  and you just wanted him to do his magic and send you to wonderland again.

“Whatever you like Dee… whatever you wanna do is what I want.” God, you just wanted to be fucked it didn’t matter how.

“Pup, if I did everything I wanted with ya, you’d probably not walk by tomorrow.” He pounded into you pulling out slowly and bottoming out in one quick movement, eliciting a whine from you. “If it’s too much, tell me.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you.” You said looking deep into his blue eyes that were like an ocean where you’d not mind to dive deep in.

He kissed you once again passionately while his hips trusted into you pursuing the best pace, the right one, hitting further into you just in that place that would make you see stars. You put your legs around his waist feet resting on his butt, you just wanted him to go deeper which was impossible since you were already almost fused as one person, that was how close you were. “Daryl… more, I need more…” you begged him as he hit that exactly spot inside you that sent you to the moon and back. “Fuck… yes… right there”. He continued lips on your neck sucking it and nibbling it, you were perfect, he had never experienced something so good before, not that he was sober enough to enjoy it properly any of those times. But in that moment, he was aware of everything, you, your surroundings, all the sensations, his untold feelings. 

He hit that same spot again, and again, and again. It was becoming too much, you bit your lips trying to restrain not your moans, but the scream that was begging to be released from your lungs, you could be wrong, but you were pretty sure the others would listen if you screamed. You felt pathetic being so worked up, you were not even going kinky, but it had been so long and nobody had ever made you feel good like Daryl did, all the feelings were maximized. “Moan for me baby… I wanna listen to ya.” He said, breathing heavily his voice even more deep and hoarse.

“It’s… too much. I… I wanna… scream…” You tried saying between his trusts and jolts of the overwhelming pleasure being shot throughout your body. He caught your hands intertwining your fingers, putting your arms up your head, looking at your eyes, watching how your face contorted in pleasure. God, he loved it… he loved… he felt like he wanted to fuck you every single day of his life and he wouldn’t get bored, he’d be happy, all his problems would be solved. He was lost in you and scared, and he couldn’t stop himself from coming for more, wanting more. 

“Ya can scream, scream ma name, moan it, do whatever ya feel like to…” he was almost there, he could feel it, and didn’t want to go without you, or before you. He took one of his hand between you, while the other continued to hold your hand, and touched your clit, circling it, pressing it… you were close now too, he could feel you clenching around him bringing him closer to his realese. He hit that delicious spot just one more time and sent you to the edge a scream of his name, as he reached his too biting your shoulder as he did so, trusting a few more times till both of you had gone through it.

He pressed his body against yours, not pulling out just yet. He observed your face, your breathing, your hands still holding, your eyes looking all over his face. If you weren’t sure before, now you were… you were definitely screwed. You had it bad for the archer. “ya good?” He asked, his other hand taking some hair from your face.

You nodded unable to say anything, holding his hand tightly, bringing it from above your head and resting it between your chests. “You good?” You asked him back. He took your hands and kissed the back of yours, then your forehead, the tip of your nose and a quick peck on your lips. “Ya’re perfect. ya did it so good. ya took it so well… I’m proud of ya.” His words sending that tingling sensation down to your core.

“Damn, you can’t talk so nice to me like that, or you’re going to have me all worked up again.” You confessed embarrassed trying to hide your face. 

“That’s the whole point of it.” He said playfully, something you didn’t always get from him.

Very reluctantly he pulled out from you and got rid of the used condom. You were buttoning up the shirt again when he came back to you and stopped you. “Let me see ya shoulder, I guess I bit ya too harsh.” You stopped and let him take a look, it was red, he could see the mark of his teeth clearly there. It was probably going to become purple too. “ ‘m sorry.”

“I didn’t mind at the moment. I don’t mind now. It felt good.” You said while he gave a chaste kiss right at the spot he had bit.

You finished buttoning the shirt while he wore sweatpants and took a clean rag to clean you from your own juices. After it, you laid on the sleeping bags and you motioned for him to lay on your chest and he did.

Now he was starting to get used to it, being taken care of, being ‘laying on your chest’ intimate with you… and he couldn’t just stop accepting everything you were so willing giving to him.

Wanna be added to my tag list? Just let me know.

Taglist: @sunnybunnyy2 @royaltysuite @isakyakiisak @milopenne

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (23-24 SZN PART 11)

au masterlist

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, nicohischier, and 251,869 others

y/ndevils00 well… that was painful

welcome back to my post-game recap! if you don’t know who i am because you’ve been living under a rock, or you’ve been in jail (don’t do crimes unless you can get away with them), i’m y/n! or as my boyfriend calls me, ‘dove’! i work as the social media manager for one of the sluttiest teams (and maybe the worst this season…) in the National Hockey League: the New Jersey Devils!

let get into it! your favorite (or maybe least favorite. i wouldn’t blame you!) men from hell lost 4-6 against the patriotic old guys tonight…. i can’t say i wasn’t surprised

we had an absolutely scoreless (and sinless) first period on our end, transitioning into intermission down by 3!

but second period is when we really started heating up! we got FOUR lovely goals by THREE lovely people!!

starting with uncle Toffee!! who scored our first AND our fourth goal!! he’s been so queen girlboss slay recently! who knew he would be this good?! not me! i doubted him severely! (i cannot apologize for my previous thoughts about you uncle, i can only ask you to forgive me anyways because you took my DILH and i’m still recovering)

Timo the absolute Tank Engine got us our second goal of the night with his first goal of the season! and no penalties!! i feel like a proud mother to a usually extremely horribly behaved little boy 🥹

and of course, my favorite whore, my very best swiss, my least favorite kind of cheese; captain slut got our third goal of the night!! THAT’S MY HOE!! POP OFF! (he also got a penalty tonight but i’ve opted not to show that because he paid me $20)

and i could never forget to mention that my beautiful angel of a bad bitch, Rowdy, got an assist on THREE out of four of our goals tonight!! he’s only 3 points away from 20 points already!! THAT’S MY (baby)GIRL!

and third period is when we immediately went as cool as the ice they skate on… giving up three goals (including an empty netter to the oldest looking man alive)… we got no goals of our own and my sweet baby angel face bestie number 1 got a penalty for being too perfect 😔

all-in-all, let’s wish the boys luck against the sabres on friday because apparently they need it! i think friday’s enemy gave them some pretty good advice though and they should put it to use!

p.s. ikea baby and merc-dog are my exact reactions to how badly we played in the third

p.p.s. ovi… when i catch you ovi 🥊😑

tagged john.marino97, tofff73, tmeier96, nicohischier, jackhughes, lhughes_06, jesperbratt, and dawson1417

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jackhughes dove, baby, what is that abomination of a 5th photo?

y/ndevils00 my camera wouldn’t focus :(

jackhughes so why post it?

y/ndevils00 you don’t appreciate my talents

jackhughes i can assure you, i appreciate your talents plenty. photo taking is just usually not one of them

lhughes_06 gross

user29 did she just threaten OVECHKIN?! 😭

user17 i fear we may lose these updates after this threat 😪

jesperbratt what was i 😦 at?

y/ndevils00 i honestly couldn’t tell you— i was too busy wondering the best way to fit you in my pocket

john.marino97 i got a picture?!

y/ndevils00 you got an assist and no penalties!

john.marino97 but dawson got a penalty and no assists and still got a picture?

y/ndevils00 you’re not dawson, the standards for you are different

john.marino97 i’ve known you for 4 years and this is how i get treated? DAWSON HAS ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR 2!

y/ndevils00 you tattle on me, you deserve your treatment

dawson1417 she’s got you there, bud

tofff73 you doubted me?!

y/ndevils00 in my defense, i didn’t know you were chill like that

tofff73 jack has informed me that you cried at the trade, i forgive your doubts

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes YOU’RE TELLING HIM MY SECRETS?!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 i wasn’t aware that you usually blast your “secrets” on your instagram story

user81 the random luke picture… y/n loves her smush 🥹

tmeier96 did you just call me a tank engine?

tmeier96 also, i’m OLDER than you!

y/ndevils00 that was a compliment! i’m saying you’re built!

tmeier96 you’re a funny little thing

y/ndevils00 also yes you are older— i said i FELT like a proud mother, not that i AM one. i already have one reckless child at home, i don’t want another

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 she’s a cat.

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes SHE IS OUR BABY

trevorzegras you love testing how far you can push before you get a warning for your behavior, don’t you?

y/ndevils00 i learned from you 🫶

trevorzegras you’re a cockroach

y/ndevils00 all i’m hearing is that i’m resilient and can live through anything

trevorzegras i hate you

y/ndevils00 you WISH you hated me— if you really did then you wouldn’t facetime me twice a week

nicohischier there are so many things i take issue with about my paragraph

y/ndevils00 is it that it’s not long enough? i’m sorry, i’ll make it longer next time!

nicohischier please DON’T.

lhughes_06 ya know, you were a lot nicer before i joined the team

y/ndevils00 oh good! that means i’m doing this right!

lhughes_06 doing what right?

y/ndevils00 tough love!

dawson1417 i didn’t do anything :(

y/ndevils00 i know, sugarplum!

dawson1417 they jailed me…

y/ndevils00 i can’t imagine how traumatic that must’ve been for you

dawson1417 oh it wasn’t that bad, you were in there too

y/ndevils00 yeah…. lindy put me there in 2nd intermission. he said if i wouldn’t stop chirping the capitals as though i was a player, then i needed to be treated like a player and get a penalty…. then i couldn’t get out because the game started again

dawson1417 you can’t skate, how did you get in?

y/ndevils00 i was betrayed

nicohischier @/y/ndevils00 i stand by it.

y/ndevils00 @/nicohischier YOU ALMOST DROPPED ME TWICE

nicohischier those were on purpose.

dawson1417 and how did you get out?

y/ndevils00 my knight in shining armor!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 i didn’t get you out?

jesperbratt i did!

jackhughes oh, yeah, that makes sense

[whoblewboobear]

I wonder how much the rage crystal changes someone. Ruben did a full 180 from what we know. Kip was always angry but now she’s vengeful too but jawbone didn’t say she had any other drastic changes outside of being angrier. A few people have speculated that Oisin essentially became an incel. Buddy seemed like he was in shock more than anything so I couldn’t get a good read on him. Mary Ann and Ivy are still complete mysteries to me though.

The most info we have comes from Jace I guess? In season one Jace is chill, kinda upbeat, and easy going, shocked when he sees the aftermath of the corn cuties fight, and then trying to get on good terms with Porter but points out that he can be cryptic and weird. Then this season he’s kinda overwhelmed when addressing the school during assemblies (could be a ruse) but rude and impatient when he confronted Henry in person and trg over text.

I’m begging on my hands and knees for us to get more info on what exactly the rage crystals are doing to everyone. Yeah they get pissed off a lot easier, but what else? Is it a complete personality swap or are the rage-centric parts of them just turned up to 11? Do they still have some kind of tether to who they were BEFORE getting rage crystal’d?? Like.. could the bad kids save people that have them like they did Lydia?

Low key rooting for Ruben to get reversed first. He seems pretty freaked out but he also helped during the Grix/frosty faire battle in rage crystal mode. He could be an even bigger help when he’s back to normal.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - new entries upset the rankings

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Like most Thai BL pulps, this show doesn’t have much story to it. But I'm discovering that what it does have I actually really enjoy. I love that the gay boys got to play matchmaker for a change and I like how just GAY they are. It's nice. Refreshing.

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1-2 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon. I like it. It’s old school Thai BL, but having fun with itself and its tropes. I’m not expecting much, so I don’t mind it waffling. All the couples are comfy. Chemistry is okay. Friendships are nifty. I like Pond's floppy hair. We fine. 

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - What an extremely bloody episode. And bad guy turned out to be very bad indeed. And now pretty much everyone is dead. Nice kiss. Of course. 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 6 of 8 - It’s cute, they happy, not a ton happened. Random gratuitous bathing. As you do in BL. And I still think the sides should just end up in a thrupple

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Oh they very cute. Also very silly. 

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - No. NOT THE GUITAR. YES abandon guitar for the sniff test! Love this for them. And me. My most favorite trope defeated my least favorite trope. VICTORY!!!  

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 8 of 11 - It’s just so good. Baby went away, grew up, and learned how to become a temptation... and a husband. 

Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 5 eps - SooHyuk, only just surviving, reunites with YoonDae, his (brief) younger stepbrother who feels abandoned. They end up living together. The younger brother is played by Lee Jae Bin of Choco Milk Shake. OMG. STEPBROTHERS TROPE. Lucky me! Two in one season. Yay!!!! It's Korea so great visuals too. I shallow but yeah, this is great.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake. It’s utterly charming. I am charmed. Also the framing is gorgeous (of course). Very stylish.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 6fin - I don’t know. Kind of a flat ending with the leads apart for most of it. I enjoyed this show but it never really hit with me. 

Summation

After a teen betrayal and resulting separation a reporter reunites with his first love. That love wants him back. I enjoyed the authenticity of a reunion romance explored in Japan's quintessentially contemplative yet surreal way. The juxtaposition of the tenderness of the sex scenes with this Japanese style of authenticity was oddly elegant but all in all this still fell a little flat for me. There's nothing objectively wrong with it, but in total the narrative felt sluggish and the main couple were just... stiff (in the wrong way). Frankly, I'd rather just rewatch Tokyo in April is. 8/10

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 3-4 of 12 - What is going on with this show? No, I get the plot. I just don't get the show or why I’m watching it. Annoying. 

It's done, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7-8fin - I can't for the life of me find the final 2 episodes. Haven't had a real hunt, but yeah. No dice so far.

It's airing but...

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari (Japan Furritsubs) eps 1-? of 10 - I may wait and binge it.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - only 4 eps, tell me if I should bother?

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/18 At 25:00 in Alaska AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

Still to Come in April

4/25 Boys Be Brave! AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - Trailer Jung Ki Sub is Kim Jin Woo's slacker friend - and secret crush. So when Ki Sub crashes at his place, his heart tingles to be near him everyday. But as the short stay turns into permanent mooch, how long can Jin Woo keep his true feelings under wraps and hold back from confessing?

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous pairing) and Best, news here. But will it actually air this month?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Sniff test turning into a make out sesh? Please and thank you. City of Stars

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a bother.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[ouatsqincorrect]

ok no one asked for this but i’m going to talk about some of my favorite little details from 1x01

1. the door to emma’s apartment have the words “cast a spell” on them (which apparently was completely unintentional but still pretty cool)

2. i don't think this rubix cube means anything, i just like that we get this tiny little insight into emma here

3. you can clearly see emma’s baby blanket in the background of her apartment, as well as some boxes, which i believe are the same ones that get sent to her in storybrooke later on in the season

4. we see snow with a bluebird in the EF, and then later on, at the school, she’s with a bluebird again

5. i know this has probably been talked about a thousand times but i love that we get this shot of emma driving by the clock store (there are so many good nods to clocks and time in this episode and throughout s1)

6. and then of course, the nod to tinker bell

7. there’s a painting of a pear behind regina, which is what a student hands snow (instead of an apple)

8. speaking of apples, regina touches a clock here and then the shot immediately pans to emma setting her drink next to a bunch of apples

9. when emma crashes the bug, we see a the monkeys from the wizard of oz and then a picture of wonderland (i doubt the wizard of oz one was hinting at s3—they didn’t think that far ahead—but wonderland might’ve been there on purpose)

10. here charming brooding over a bowl of apples

11. there are a lot of fairytale pictures in henry’s room in s1 (kind of looks like one of those crime scene boards lol)

12. also henry’s emails don’t mean anything—i just think they’re funny

13. our first hidden mickey

14. henry's swan night light

15. i love this shot of henry looking at the clocktower but also the fact that the library itself is so decrepit looking in s1

16. of course, the key to the room at granny's that is given to emma has a swan on it

17. this is kind of vague but the ring regina's wearing was actually handpicked by lana parrilla and i just love this little detail (it was meant to show that regina is still hanging onto her darker side and past in the EF)

[bballlvr8]

COVENTRY — UConn women’s basketball star Azzi Fudd knew there would be challenges when she suffered a season-ending ACL tear just two games into her junior year, but she wasn’t prepared for the snowy sidewalks in Storrs.

Recovering from surgery at her family home in Arlington, Virginia, wasn’t easy, but it was straightforward. Her parents brought her meals down to her bedroom. She could hobble up the short flight of stairs to spend time with her younger brothers. When she returned to Connecticut, Fudd was confronted by the reality that even walking to and from her car would be hugely difficult.

“Trust me, I had my moments. … When I went back to campus, I only had one in-person class but I still had class, and it was snowing,” Fudd said with a chuckle. “Even just from outside to the gym is still a 20-foot path with snow, and at that point I was kind of walking, but it was very awkward. It was just a bunch of little things that I didn’t think would be an issue.”

Fudd tore her right ACL and medial meniscus during a practice on Nov. 14, 2023, days before the Huskies played their third game of the season at home against Maryland. She underwent season-ending surgery in early December. The former No. 1 overall prospect in the class of 2021 has played just 40 games over three years at UConn.

Fudd’s days of struggling down the sidewalk felt far away though as she demonstrated a shooting drill she runs as part of her daily workouts for a group of enraptured attendees during her youth basketball camp at Coventry High School on Sept. 21. The release NBA superstar Stephen Curry once compared to Klay Thompson’s looks as smooth and automatic as ever as she moves from spot to spot, first in the midrange, then around the 3-point arc. She makes every single one — her mom, Katie, who helps run the camp, quips after a ball circles the rim before falling that it counts as a miss.

Fudd is quick to clarify though: She still can’t play. The redshirt junior still needs to clear a final set of tests with her doctors before she can participate in contact or game-speed activities at practice. Fudd knows she should appreciate how far she’s come, but the star guard feels herself itching to be back in the actual game, that last layer of limitation almost taunting her

“I feel like this has tested my patience in a different way,” Fudd said. “I feel really good and I feel like I could be, not playing 100%, but I could be doing more. But I’m taking my time and making sure that I’m perfecting the stuff that I am doing in the phase that I’m in before I progress to the next step, which I know it’s good for me. It’s very frustrating at times, but … it’s just reminding myself that I’ve been through this and I know it’s going to pay off.”

Fudd grappled with injuries throughout her previous two seasons at UConn — she missed 11 games with a nagging foot issue her freshman year, and 22 with an unrelated knee injury as a sophomore — but the pop in her knee last November was sickeningly familiar. Fudd knew exactly what an ACL tear felt like, because she had already experienced the injury. She tore the ACL and MCL, also in her right knee, during a USA Basketball U18 3×3 tournament in 2019 and missed her entire junior season of high school.

At 15 years old, Fudd remembers completely falling apart after doctors confirmed the severity of her injury. But when it happened again five years later, Fudd’s mind went straight to beginning recovery. She knew the pain she was about to experience, but she also knew what to expect from the lengthy rehab process. She came back from it once, and that gave her certainty that she could do it again.

“My first one I remember my car ride from my MRI, and I was just crying and crying the whole time. It was so bad,” Fudd said. “This one, I heard and it processed, and I was like, ‘Damn, okay. What’s next?’

“It’s been so completely different having been through it and knowing what to expect. Knowing how hard it is, but also knowing that I can handle it and I’m gonna overcome it has also been helpful.”

Though there were also two tears involved in Fudd’s last major knee injury, the meniscus tear slowed the healing process more dramatically than the MCL did back in 2019. Then she could throw herself into rehab almost immediately, but she spent weeks after surgery in Arlington unable to put any weight on the leg. Fudd said her saving grace during the early days of recovery was her family, so much so that it made her transition back to UConn for the spring semester more jarring than she expected.

“I was home for like a month, and first of all, I hadn’t been home for that long since probably COVID,” Fudd said with a laugh. “But they were everything I needed. My brothers, my parents, even my grandma who could barely keep herself together, they were all helping me with everything I needed … Going back to school was really rough for me. I didn’t realize how much my family was doing for me, and just the ease of going to see my PT guy and home and then coming home to get in my bed.”

But Fudd quickly found a new form of comfort in a band of teammates who were also grappling with the heartbreak of season-ending injuries and the grueling work of rehab. The team was fully healthy on the day Fudd tore her ACL except for redshirt freshman Jana El Alfy, who ruptured her Achilles at the FIBA U19 World Cup over the summer. By the time Fudd returned to campus in January, there were three more players sidelined for the year: Caroline Ducharme with head and neck spasms, Ayanna Patterson after patellar tendonitis surgery and Aubrey Griffin with her own ACL tear.

“I had an entire squad of injured people with me on the bench, which obviously is not what you want, but it was nice to know I wasn’t alone,” Fudd said. “I couldn’t imagine being the only injured person. Like we had our crippled powwow before games where we were just like man, we’re not playing. It could be the Final Four or some random Big East game, and we’re not out there. Just being able to feel that and be vulnerable with other people experiencing that goes a long way.”

thanks anon 💞

[class1akids]

Putting the ships aside what do you think of izuocha's cliff side talk part 2 ?

I don’t think that I can put ships aside in the sense that I’m on the spectrum of neutral to negative to izuocha and as a Shouto fan, I also deeply resent the fact that the “(try to) save the villains” doubling as the romantic subplot means Shouto’s exclusion (who is just as close a friend to Deku as Ochako and would have every right to be a part of this).

I think it also shows Hori’s incredible bias towards the Togachako dynamic (and not bc he’s committed to depicting a good wlw dynamic but because he obviously loves Toga and likes to draw the girls together) that he decided to spend 11 full pages between ch 428-429 to depict Uraraka’s agony in big panels, resulting in the same kind of bloating that the Rooftop speech was (where her panel count is inflated to say in the end not much), while gave no panels to Shouto’s feelings about Touya or Izuku’s feelings about Tenko which are dynamics that deserved proper highlights too.

Especially because the “heroes cry too” is a narrative born of the TDDK friendship and had a natural endpoint there.

So the framing itself makes me go into this scene with a strong dislike and it will color my perception of it.

As to the merits of the talk:

1. Ochako feels survival guilt about Toga - this is fine and normal

2. Deku is worried about her and rushes over. Also tracks.

3. Uraraka wants privacy to deal with this alone (because she doesn’t want to be a downer) but Deku insists that he wants to see.

4. This is where the whole thing turns into what Deku wants and how he feels about Ochako - which reminded me of Ch 390 when Endeavor said to Touya to talk but then talked over him.

5. The purpose of listing all of Uraraka’s selfless acts is so that Deku can declare that she’s his hero

Now I don’t doubt that this is sincere, and is meant to be a big consolation for Uraraka that someone she looks up to (and has a crush on) sees her as a hero. Sort of how All Might tells Izuku that he’s his hero. But also Izuku is very promiscuous in this sense. He has many heroes.

6. The handholding part was nice and the best bit of the scene - it connects Iida taking Izuku’s hand, to Tenko and now Ochako.

7. Deku’s response of “me too” to Ochako’s breakdown feels kind of pale to me though. Of course it’s hard because her emotions are overflowing so much that it’s hard to match that energy, but it still feels like he’s vague-ing it. Like Ochako is going through the whole “what could I have done different”, while Deku is just reciting what others told him.

He has no thought to offer about Toga despite how he also contributed to her escalation.

8. And then the conclusion is really bad. It feels so empty with an “oh, well, we just need to keep trying”

Maybe because I went into this chapter thinking that the end of the talk will be Deku encouraging Ochako to tell the story or rather they both feel that it’s important to show to the world the humanity they found in the villains when they decided to look and that would inspire civilians to act.

Like, I don’t know - to me it doesn’t feel right that Ochako is constantly narrowed into a frame that’s too small for her. Being Deku’s hero after everything she’s done is not a satisfying role from my perspective.

If there is a person whose storyline could connect the civilians, it would be Ochako: she kept saving them after the PLF war when seasoned heroes quit, she gave the rooftop speech, she reached a villain on live TV, etc. She’s the kind of figure who could make heroism close and concrete for a lot of people.

But she’s not allowed there roles because she’s not allowed to outshine the MC in this respect, so she gets the prize of being the MCs hero, trying to put her into a box Hori honestly didn’t build with much care (like Deku is still bringing up exam points? Give me a break).

The chapter overall was also weirdly paced, after a lot of large panels of snotty crying, we transition to smiling and laughing without going back to Ochako’s POV.

I guess you could say that expressing her emotions openly made her feel lighter the same way Toga felt when Uraraka listened to her. But Toga also said in the end “you didn’t make it go away” - because grief and trauma can’t be waved away like this.

Especially because the granny redemption feels disjointed from this all - it’s not a moment to give Uraraka and Toga meaning, it barely even functions as a moment for Deku’s inspiration changing the world.

So I think it would have been more honest if the writing circles back to the sentiment that no, it doesn’t go away, but knowing that someone understands and that someone will listen and care helps carry the pain.

Rather than whatever this was: