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katyawriteswhump · 1 month

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I hear your voice (and it carries me)

for @steddieangstyaugust day 17 prompt: 'Keep breathing, please."

Rating: M WC: 1700 CW Drug-use Tags: Established steddie, alternate canon season 4 (with details fudged and twisted for my own plotty purposes.)

What if Vecna came for Steve first, not Chrissy? (No actual death, I promise, just guilty-pleasure pop and major angst…)

...

Eddie climbed through the window that Dustin had left open and into Steve’s hospital room. His boots smacked too loud on the floor, and his every muscle tightened.

Steve was wired up to a series of bleeping machines. Plaster casts smothered three of his limbs. His neck was in a brace, and his face was half-lost beneath an oxygen mask.

Eddie knew, of course. Steve had arrived here in a far worse state than this.

Still one helluva punch in the gut.

He tiptoed to the bed and located Steve’s Walkman, which had been dumped on a trolley. He slipped it back over Steve’s ears, careful not to disturb the mask. Dustin and Robin had played a showstopper in convincing Steve’s mom that Steve would want constant pop.

Unfortunately, the medical staff kept taking the darn thing off.

Eddie didn’t switch the cassette on right away, however. He anxiously smoothed Steve’s hair.

“God, I’m sorry,” he said brokenly. “I panicked, Stevie. I was too fucking scared. I should’ve broken your fall, and I should never have let you… I… I shouldn’t have…” He pressed his lips to Steve’s cool, clammy brow. A fat tear dripped from his nose. “Keep breathing, Baby. Keep breathing, please.”

“CODE RED, I REPEAT THIS IS A CODE RED! EDDIE, DO YOU COPY?”

Dustin’s yell blasted through Eddie’s walkie-talkie. Eddie scrambled to turn the volume down.

“Henderson, what the heck?”

“Eddie, the night nurse has started her rounds early. I repeat—she’s started her rounds early. You gotta get outta there NOW.”

…

One week earlier

Steve lay flat on his back on Eddie’s bed, shirtless, and with his jeans tangled round his knees. Eddie was sprawled on top of him—a smokin’ hot mess of sweat and hair—and kissing Steve stupid.

Steve should’ve been in a happy place. He was sucking Eddie’s face off, grinding himself up into Eddie, while Eddie pawed hungrily at his ass. Eddie wanted in, and Steve wanted nothing more than for Eddie to bone his brains out.

If only he could shake these stupid jitters.

Christ, the blood pounding in his ears drowned out the mega-loud Aerosmith track on his latest mixtape. He was also dog-tired, and sick of it. The nightmares had ruined his sleep for days.

And they were all total bull.

Yeah, Steve felt guilty about shit. Not only about Barb, though that was a biggie—there was so much he’d screwed up in his life. He sucked. He got it, blah, blah, blah.

No way was he buying into crazy hallucinations where Eddie yelled and hated on him. Let alone ones where Robin transformed into a squelchy tentacle monster. He was going out of his tiny mind. It was the only reasonable explanation, and the only answer right now was…

Eddie broke the kiss. “You okay, Babe? Still got a headache?”

“I’m fine.” Steve dabbed his lips, shivering because Eddie was too far away already. “I’ll be fine. Gimme more of the good stuff, okay?”

Eddie turned down the music. “Seriously? You mainlined poppers earlier—enough to lay low a daddy buffalo. That shit means business.”

“So I do. Stop being a freakin’ pussy.” Steve wedged his hand between Eddie’s thighs and purred. “I can totally handle it, and if I do turn to mush? Means I can take even more of this big boy.”

“I’m not sure, Stevie… Oh shiiiit.”

Steve mercilessly squeezed Eddie’s dick, batted his lashes. Yeah, he’d beg if he had to. Anything to feel less tense and haunted, to feel he was actually in the room with Eddie.

He never had to.

Eddie pulled a dopey face, started rummaging through his stuff. Steve dragged his jeans up with fumbling hands. He maxed out the stereo volume—snickering because Eddie was gonna literally piss himself when the track-after-next started—and wandered toward the kitchen to get more beer.

….

Eddie located a shoebox full of snazzy lil’ multicolor poppers and a sachet of Special K. Then his frazzled brain caught up with him.

He’s already had waaay too much. Okay, he’s still revved as fuck, but THAT’S NOT NORMAL.

He ditched the shoebox, grabbed a jar of Acetaminophen. After tipping all but two pills out, he peeled off the label. He’d tell Steve they were hardcore tranqs. Shifty, but… Screw it, he cared about Steve more than he’d ever cared about anyone. Yeah, Steve had bugged him for downers. Eddie should never have caved. He vowed, one way or another, he’d wean his boy off ’em.

He was, admittedly, launching his campaign the coward’s way. Had to start somewhere, right?

“There you go, Honey,” he said, wandering out. “Boneless bliss just moments away.”

Eddie stopped in his tracks. He dropped the jar. Steve stood motionless in the middle of the trailer. His eyes were lidded, twitchy with the occasional flash of white.

“Steve?” Eddie dashed forward, started shaking him. “Talk to me, Steve. Wake up! Can you hear me? I don’t like this, Stevie.”

Shit! He’s ODd already!

Eddie jostled him, pleaded with him. Right till the moment Steve levitated up into the air and smacked into the ceiling.

Eddie staggered back. The Black Sabbath track blasting from the stereo ended. Silence reigned.

One of Steve’s arms twisted the wrong way at the elbow and popped. Eddie screamed, then actually pinched himself, because this had to be a horrible dream, and then…

‘Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth’

Belinda Carlilse. Belinda fucking Carlilse. Yeah, Steve loved to sneak pop-tastic hits onto his mixtapes. Eddie would always crack up, plus he didn’t hate them either.

One of Steve’s legs contorted with a sickening snap.

‘They say in Heaven, love comes first

We'll make Heaven a place on Earth…’

Steve’s eyes flashed from white to brown. He fell, landing with a horribly crunching smack.

In the blur of the next few minutes, Eddie called an ambulance. He leaned close over Steve’s blue-ish lips, sensed the faintest warmth, though didn’t dare touch him. His eyes bled. He looked so… broken. Eddie prayed to some WASP deity he’d never believed in that he was the one having a really bad trip.

He went with Steve in the ambulance and held his limp hand on the ride. They’d already got that mask on his face, the brace around his neck. At the hospital, Eddie watched Steve’s gurney disappear through swinging doors. He collapsed in the waiting room, buried his face in his hands.

Steve’s parents arrived soon after. They joined the doctors in bombarding Eddie with thunderous glares, until the truth finally glimmered.

They believe I did that to him.

Even if… WHEN… Steve wakes up, they’ll say we were both high as fucking kites. They’ll blame the satan-worshipping freakshow.

Convinced the cops were on their way, Eddie fled via a fire escape. While he was holed up at Reefer Ric’s, two teens were murdered. The whole town now believed Eddie was the monster behind those crimes, too.

“Way to go making a play for the FBI’s Most Wanted list,” Dustin said, when he brought Eddie supplies. “If you hadn’t run, those deaths would’ve got you off the hook. Not that you’re exactly innocent. You know your fun-time sweeties repressed Steve’s breathing as badly as the neck injuries? Sent him into that coma?”

“Wow, you’re a real genius! Never dawned on me. Oh, hold on. IT’LL TORTURE ME EVERY GODDAMN MOMENT, OF EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY, FOR THE REST OF MY CURSED LIFE.”

At least the kid had a theory about the attacks, supernatural sorcery shit that blew Eddie’s mind. Also, one of Dustin’s friends, Max, was apparently lined up to be the next victim. For some wild reason, the only thing keeping the killer at bay was endless Kate Bush.

“Eddie,” asked Dustin, while Eddie stared into a box of Cap’n Crunch he’d literally no appetite for. “Is there any music you reckon might help Steve?”

…

‘In this world we're just beginnin'

To understand the miracle of livin'’

Steve was beyond sick of Belinda.

She ebbed and flowed through his consciousness pretty much constantly. Trouble was, whenever she was randomly gone, as she was now, the swirling red fog around him thickened. He was confused, and yeah, he was frightened. He’d not heard any squelching footsteps or booming synth voices lately, but he sensed that thing was still out there.

He occasionally heard talking. People poked and prodded him, and breathing was sometimes a scary battle. He tried to talk himself once or twice, but he couldn’t even open his eyes. He was lost and sick and hurting and… so lost.

Right until he felt somebody stroking his hair. Then a moist feather-soft brush on his brow.

Eddie.

He’d recognise Eddie’s kiss anywhere, whether rough or dumbass levels of sweet. Eddie was here. Eddie was with him. Steve strove harder than ever to fight free of the choking fog.

“Keep breathing, Baby.”

Eddie’s voice. Broken and distant, but it was him.

“Keep breathing,” Eddie whispered, “please.”

“CODE RED, I REPEAT THIS IS A CODE RED! EDDIE, DO YOU COPY?”

Steve’s blood literally jumped. Shit, was that Henderson? “Eddie, the night nurse has started her rounds early. I repeat—she’s started her rounds. You gotta get outta there NOW.”

Too much. Steve’s head was too muddled, he didn’t understand. He finally fluttered his eyes open and latched his blurry focus onto Eddie. Who startled like a coyote bit his butt. Steve would’ve laughed, if he’d gotten the lung power.

“Steve? Steve!”

Eddie seemed spooked. Steve’s heart rate skyrocketed. He was in a hospital bed. He’d got some weird plastic mask thing on his face. When he tried to lift his arm, pain lanced hotly.

Oh God, oh God!

He fixed on Eddie and felt himself calm a little. “Please,” he murmured, his voice a barely-there rasp. “Don’t go.”

Eddie squeezed Steve’s hand and smiled gently. “Not if I can help it, darlin’.”

Steve faintly registered a door flying wide. A voice cried out, echoed by a wailing alarm. He somehow found the strength to grip Eddie’s fingers, even as Belinda Carlisle launched up in his ears again:

‘Baby, I was afraid before

But I'm not afraid anymore…’

Eddie’s hand was torn away from Steve’s loosening grip, and Steve slipped back into the fog.

...

(Steve is okay, Vecna got distracted and El whipped his ass anyway, then Eddie get off, and it all ended happily... promise!) You tube link to 'heaven is a place on earth' for other 80s pop obsessives

Thanks for reading! All my ST fic on AO3

#steddieangstyaugust #steddie angst #steddie #steddie fic #established steddie #stranger things fic #steve harrington #steve x eddie #steddie fanfiction #steve harrington x eddie munson #steve harrington whump #eddie munson #steddie fanfic #steddie angsty august

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cntloup · 8 months

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SUGAR

Mafia!Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Rival's Daughter!Reader angst, toxic relationship

Simon was never a man for fancy ball events but as the right hand man of John Price, had to be by his side at all times especially at times like these, meeting with the rival. As they arrive at their destination and get the formalities of greetings and introductions out of the way, he goes to settle by the bar where he can have his eyes on the whole room, just in case. He orders his usual Kentucky Bourbon. As he stands there, drink in hand, his eyes searching the room for any kind of threat, that’s when he sets his eyes on her... and he should have taken her for what she really is... a threat; he should have ran right then and there but he never did. He had heard about her, the daughter of their rival, but never seen her beauty and grace up close. She looks elegant with a charming smile... and that’s when he knows he’s fucked. She feels a set of eyes on her and looks for them in the crowd and finally faces him. She's heard about him too. She starts walking towards him to greet him properly and that’s when it all started.

“This can’t happen.” he mutters in between kisses as they hide in the hallway “Why not? Cause we’re rivals? Who the fuck cares? If anything I’d be happy to fuck him over.” “who?” “My dad of course. Who else? I hate his fucking guts.” he’s surprised to hear that then replies with a chuckle “Why? Not the lifestyle for you?” “Fuck no! I feel like I’m in a cage. His puppet that he gets to play with and show off whenever he pleases.” he thinks that he can understand her struggles as he has his own trauma too.

And you play a twisted little game, But I know in a way, You need to complicate it, Believe that though we never eat, We still know how to feed, We still know how to bleed, oh

At that time he thought that she’s too sweet and innocent for this life, but that’s where he was wrong. The arguments, the push and pull, the manipulations started not too long after they first felt something for each other which he thought of as pure. He felt used and abused, he started to feel paranoid even more than before, never trusting anyone, even doubting his peers, sometimes even Price. His head full of thoughts like ‘Is she just using me for information?’ ‘Am I just a guard dog to him?’. But there was another side to her; so loving, patient and understanding of his pain and torment... also she was an enchanting seductress. Fuck, she was intoxicating. She had him completely wrapped around her finger.

My arms keep you in the room, Barely let you move, Show me what you do, oh, Tonight, we're second-guessed again, Let me wrap the chains, Addicted to the pain

As he pulls her into his room, never taking his lips off of her, nibbling and kissing any part of skin he can reach, he kicks the door close and corners her against the wall, not letting her move an inch. “What the fuck are you doing to me? My mind is in shambles cause of ya! Do you hate me or love me? One day you stay by my side through everything even when I’m at my worst but the next day you act like I don’t even exist as you come to the meeting with another guy on your arm!” he grunts as he puts one hand around her throat squeezing just enough to make her dizzy, just how she likes it. She smiles devilishly with no reply and pushes her lips against his and he can’t stop her, he never can. He’s addicted, fucking addicted to the pain she puts him through, addicted to her taste, everything about her. If she wants to see how far he can go, if she wants to test him, he’s more than willing to play this game with her.

Do you wanna see how far it goes?, Do you wanna test me now, my love?, You must be crazy if you think, that I will give in so easily, Things we buried low, Coming to the surface now, my love, You must be crazy if you think that I will give up the game, Oh, whoa

Sugar, I've got a taste for you now, Sugar, I've developed a taste for you now

comments/reblogs are greatly appreciated ♥

#simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #cod x reader #ghost x reader #cod fanfic #ghost cod #cod ghost #ghost call of duty #call of duty #cod mw2 #cod #mw2 #cod modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty x reader

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jankwritten · 8 months

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Jasico Bingo Challenge: sharing a bed

It took all of ten minutes for Jason to cave and climb into Nico’s too-big bed. His weight dips the mattress to one side, and as he slides under the blankets, Nico gets hit with his fan’s frigid breeze.

“Told you,” he mutters, flipping over onto his left side. He sticks his hand under his pillow.

Jason makes a face, wrinkling his nose and giving Nico a sort of side-glare, before he settles fully down, hugging Nico’s spare pillow. “I don’t like disobeying Miss Sally.”

Two months ago, Nico would’ve been right there with him. He’s lived under her roof long enough to know which rules they can nudge, though. “Percy constantly lets Grover share his bed.”

“Percy and Grover are different,” Jason says, his voice just a shade above a whisper. “You know it’s different.”

Nico shrugs. “Sally doesn’t know that.”

Jason looks far less amused than he should. “I’m serious,” he says.

This is what Nico gets for dating a serial rule-follower, he supposes. Rules are rigid and unbending, in Jason’s mind, no matter how insignificant. He approaches “entrance” and “exit” signs like he’ll get arrested for mixing them up.

It’s something they’re working on, together. It’s something Nico can help with. It’s always tricky, with Jason, working around the thorny patches of his logic, but Nico knows firsthand that once Jason can tame that anxiety, he’ll feel so much better.

Nico is also aware it took him almost half a year to even start changing his own habits regarding rules, or moreso his perception of them, and that was only after a few years of built up trauma around it. Jason has his whole life to unwind.

But, there is still progress, which Nico makes sure Jason knows he’s proud of. It’s easy to start with things Jason wants that he sees as outside the rule-boundary, things like sneaking dessert out of the pavilion at camp so they can eat it somewhere peaceful, or sharing Nico’s oversized princess bed so he doesn’t have to sleep on the floor.

Sometimes it feels a little bit like treat-training a dog. Nico did something similar with Mrs. O’Leary and Cerberus, after all. It’s a guilty thought to have. Jason isn’t a dog, and Nico isn’t his owner, isn’t trying to train him. He’s just…he wants Jason to feel free. He hates when Jason mentally butts up against one of the walls of his cage and physically recoils from something that would make him feel better. Make him feel good, and human, and normal.

“I want you up here,” Nico says. He matches the gravity of Jason’s tone, watches Jason’s eyes dart around, lit by the dimmed string of star-shaped lights over the bed. Nico reaches out, slowly, and pokes Jason’s wrist. “I know I’ll sleep better if you’re here.”

Jason swallows. He shifts his weight on the mattress, his foot kicking out just barely into Nico’s space. “What if Miss Sally comes to check on us, and she sees-? Will she get mad?”

“Maybe.” He wants to temper Jason’s fears, not lie to them. He hasn’t seen Sally get mad at anything other than when the dogs chew on shoes, or when he and Percy fight too loud in the backyard. This, something easy enough to explain, he doesn’t think she’d mind. “But she would never punish me, or you, over it. Over anything. The worst she’d do is give us a stern talking to, and maybe make us sleep on the couch next time.”

“The couch is an option?”

Ugh, no, the couch is not an option. Nico taps his fingers against Jason’s wrist bone and wrinkles up his nose, tucking himself up more in his comfortable blankets and pillows.

Jason, finally, breaks into a little smile. “You’re spoiled now.”

“Hush. I’m allowed to like having a bed, and I’m allowed to want to share it with my b..with my boyfriend.”

The room hushes over, the sound of the fan hiding how hard Nico’s heart thumps.

It’s still new, that part of this. It’s still hard to say it out loud. Pushing out of his comfort zone is something Nico is working on himself, though.

Jason beams. He’s probably blushing, though it’s too dark to see and Nico’s half buried his face in the pillow to hide his own face.

“Shut up,” he grumbles.

Jason turns his hand around and laces their fingers together. He finally lets go of the tension in his arms, lets himself sink into the bed. Nico feels how the blanket moves with it.

“You’ve convinced me,” Jason whispers. “But if we do get caught, you’re doing the talking.”

“Deal,” Nico says, and squeezes Jason’s hand. He peeks, just to see another glimpse of that smile. He likes Jason’s smile. It doesn’t even ache to admit it anymore. “Go to sleep, now.”

“Can do.”

(Sally pokes her head in at eight AM, after Nico and Jason miss breakfast. She blinks, at first confused to see the empty pallet at Nico’s bedside, then understanding when she sees the bed itself.

Jason is fast asleep at the edge of the bed, peaceful and relaxed, hugging a pillow to his chest, the blankets tangled around him. Just over the slope of his shoulder, she sees Nico’s curly head of hair nestled close.

She’s careful not to let the door squeak as she leaves them in peace.)

#jasicobingochallenge2024 #sharing a bed #fanfiction #WAHOO #fluff we love fluff #jasico #jason grace #nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #this is part of an AU I have where Sally takes Nico home at the end of the summer alongside Percy after Chiron mentions that Nico needs #stability that Camp kinda can't provide. This would be set near the end of the AU after Nico is doing MUCH better #this is the AU where the clearest image I have is Percy and Nico wrestling violently in the backyard and Sally spraying them with a hose #while Jason and Annabeth watch on from the patio laughing

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randomgurl2326 · 1 year

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Ignorance Is Bliss Pt. 1

A/N: Thank you to the beautiful Anon for requesting this fic. This has been one of my delusions that help me sleep at night. So, may I please introduce you to the ‘she fell first but he fell harder’ trope that we all love. With, of course, Ema and Mickey helping and hoping for them to get together💚💜

As the h/c girl closed her locker, Ema was yet again tired of the ongoing “will-they-won’t-they” of the l/n girl and the Spindell boy. “All I’m saying is, maybe you should tell him because you’ve been hopelessly in love with him since fifth grade.”

Y/N pointed at Ema and said with a cheeky smile, “ah no, sixth grade, get it right. Also, there is no way in hell that I’m going to tell him, alright?”

Worth that the Winslow best friend sighed, and the two best friends walked to French class.

Meanwhile with a Mickey and Spoon…

“…a-and she has this thing where whenever she’s talking about something she likes that she does with her hair, y’know, like this,” the rambling Spindell boy said while demonstrating what his object of infatuation does with his own hair, not quite show ing it right.

Mickey chuckles and shakes his head, “y’know, telling her how you feel would be a great idea. Maybe, I don’t know at the park or something. Oor-9r, hear me out, just telling her would be nice.”

“Oh, dear Mickelous, that is simply just not possible. You see, you cannot simply fathom how much platonic-ivory oozes from her when we hang out together. Also, Y/an does not like the park because of children and the grass makes her itch; it would probably have to be during the night while under the stars.”

“Oh yeah, totally platonic when she looks at you like you actually hung the stars in front of her. Just like that show she likes with Azipy- Aziry-, nope, can’t say it.”

Arthur sighs, “Mickey, my bestest friend in the universe, she doesn’t like me and she never will, okay? Now come on, we’ll be late for wood shop and I’m looking forward to making a bird house that can stand this year.”

As they walked down the hall to their next class, Mickey sighed and started to formulate a plan and text Ema:

M: we need to come up with a plan for these two — sent at 10:45 a.m.

Ik, I can’t take it anymore — sent at 10:46 a.m.

Meet me in the MILF room after lunch, well conspire there — sent at 10:48 a.m.

M:Ok, and btw, I hate that name — sent at 10:50 a.m.

Also y do u sound like an evil genius?? — sent at 10:50 a.m.

Ikr, horrible name. And, idk, I just do sound like one ig — sent at 11:00 a.m.

Meet u after lunch — sent at 11:01 a.m.

After Lunch…

“Okay, now, that was a rough forty-five minutes to get through,” Mickey said this as him and Ema walked into the abandoned boiler room, a.k.a. The MILF Room, a.a.k.a. The Spindell Spot.

As the Winslow girl sat down on the couch she managed out, “yeah, that was unnecessarily hard. It’s like they want to look into our souls and have us tell them everything. Y/N really needs to stop looking like she’s about to run over a dog.”

“It’s seriously out of hand how much information they can try and gauge out of us. Spoon is the worst. He literally has that look on his face where he look-“

“Looks like he’s the most innocent and pure thing on the world? Yeah, I’ve seen that look. He’s literally the devil in disguise,” Ema then pulls out her laptop to take notes on how to get the two oblivious, love-sick, diabolic, little love birds, “so, you ready to do this?”

Mickey smiled and sat down next to his other best friend, “ready to finally get them to stop pining over each other and being self destructive? Hell yeah.”

And so, the two of the four best friends created a plan to get the other half together.

“…by the way, when do I have to get you and Rachel together,” the Bolitar boy than got smacked by a book by the alt girl and continued with their scheming.

To be continued…

A/N: I don’t know how I feel about this, but I want to make my little anon chalupa(and my readers proud) so I’m doing this. Please give me feedback on how I could improve the is one.

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guardian-of-fandoms · 1 year

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Rescue Bots as Ducktales 2017

Kade: I’ve done nothing with my life! I’m a failure!

Dani: Aww, that never bothered you before.

Cody: Great party, can’t wait to tell my therapist about it when i’m older, BYEEEEEEEEE

Frankie: To the Naos! That’s greek for temple.

Cody: Okay, stop assuming i know things. Like, base line, assume i know nothing.

Graham: Are you saying Kade would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Kade: I do hate hot dogs...

Cody: We’re.. okay?

Dani: Oh my gosh, no magic can kill me I’M THE CHOSEN ONE!

Graham: Please, not everything is a dark family secret!

Charlie: KIds, i’ve got a dark family secret.

Heatwave: Cody’s crashed so many times, i’m convined he may be immortal!

Cody: Do you know how many evil robots i have faced?! HAHAHAHAHA too many....

Kade: TREASURE!

Dani: ADVENTURE!

Graham: HISTORACAL ACCURACY!

Chase, playing detective: Look what the Cat dragged in.

Dani: ... You asked me to come here???

Kade: Dad won’t even let me touch the toaster!

Dani: His life is like a Haiku!

Kade: Yeah, it’s fake garbage that structurally makes no sense, He’s obviously lying!

Graham: You know who my best friend is?

Kade: Me!

Graham: Sleep.

Kade: (offended gasp)

Kade: IF I DON’T MAKE IT TELL MY SIBLINGS I WAS THE BEST ONE!

Dani: Sure, i’m not the best at cooking, or age appropriate stories, or child endangerment, BUT NOBODY’S PERFECT!

Cody: Talking animals wearing clothes!

Kade: Oh no, did we die? are we in cody heaven?

Cody: He tried to kidnap me, so i trapped him in an improvised ball pit snare trap.

Frankie: Alright!

Dani: Make our markes on the world!

Kade: Not have to answer to anyone!

Cody: Be horribly alone.

Graham: I’m still not counting out a Methane Gas Leak.

Dani: NOT EVERYTHING IS A METHANE GAS LEAK

Cody: You... realize there’s a difference between quitting and dying, right?

Dani: Not to me.

Kade: Heatwave, who’s side are you on?!

Heatwave: Oh, neither, this is just way more entertaining to me than that movie.

Woodrow: Just because it’s a myth dosen’t mean it’s not true!

Graham: Well, actutally....

Woodrow: That’s what they want you to think!

Charlie: Who is “they”?

Woodrow: Exactly...

Charlie: ... what?

Graham: Are we supposed to examine every rock in this tunnel?! ... actually, that sounds pretty fun- WAIT THAT’S NOT THE POINT

Kade: WAIT YOU WERE TRYING TO HELP HIM KILL US?!

Dani: If i’m gonna be sacrifed, i wanna do it right!

Heatwave: Most kids wouldn’t get this excited over impending doom. Kade usually just cries.

Doc Greene: SHUT UP EVERYONE, I’VE DONE SOMETHING BRILLIANT!

Doctor Morocco: STOP LAUGHING! I’ve wasted an entire reel of film, and you’re not even in frame!

Frankie: Do you think i put glitter on my top secret notebooks just because it’s pretty?

Cody: (sheepishly nods with glitter covered hands)

Frankie: Well, sure, it’s a perk, but-

Charlie: I’ll be in my office if you need me. please don’t need me.

Graham: oooooooh, do i spy some Shale?

Dani: how is that better than subway monsters?

Kade: I’ll try to listen to you next time, and not, y’know, pull a kade.

Heatwave: Seriously, that’s a thing now?

Kade: It’s all about branding.

Blades: It’s a cautionary tale on Mole Monsters! And everyone could use a lesson on chainsaw saftey!

Cody: This appears in like all of my dreams. i’m cradeling a moon made of my own tears???? who knows what that’s about.

Frankie: ... i have some theories.

Chase: I’m afraid that dosen’t belong to you, Evan and Miles!

Miles: I’m afraid i don’t care!

Frankie: Then i shall keep your secret, for i believe in science. but i also belive... IN LOOOOVVVEE!!!

Charlie: Where’s kade?

Dani: Sleeping.

Graham: Who’s kade?

Dani: (slowly looks over at graham)

(charlie runs off)

Dani: ... WHO’S KADE?!

Graham: Do you need me to get a briefcase?! ‘Cause i can go get one, and become the vice president of being Chill! ‘Cause i’m chill!!! I’m straight chilling!!! LIKE A VILLAIN, EVEN!!!! (manic laughter)

Kade: Oh no graham’s broken...

Woodrow: I guess you could say i’m well versed in the custodial sciences, hehe...

Cody: ... WE TRUSTED YOU!!!! CAME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE, GOT ATTACKED BY A SQUID!!!

#transformers rescue bots #cody burns #kade burns #dani burns #graham burns #incorrect quotes

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nahoney22 · 2 years

Text

✨ Prompt Requests for reaching 3000&4000 Followers ✨

Rules: REQUESTS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

☽ Only one to two prompts per request. May do 3 depending on the requests.

☽ You can mix and match from other lists as long as you’re clear if you want it SFW or NSFW.

☽ So please tell me if you want smut, fluff, angst etc. IF YOU DON’T, I WILL EITHER IGNORE, DELETE OR INTERPRET THE REQUEST. ♥️

☽ Please state gender preference in request - if you do not I will either put GN or female depending on the request and it’s obvious otherwise.

☽ Any characters from Bad Batch and Clone Wars can be requested.

☽ Please read my Masterlist to see what I won’t write for to avoid dissapointment.

☽ Please be respectful and have patience.

☽ Feel free to private message me about requests too if you want to talk about it.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿

Prompt Works Completed ✔️

Tech NSFW X F!Reader -

“How fast do you think I can make you cum?”

Crosshair NSFW X F!Reader -

“I get so hard around you.”

“I want you to take control tonight.”

Hunter NSFW X F!Reader -

“we’re not good for each other.” “Why not?”

“Do you like that?”

“Your heart is beating so fast right now.”

Gregor NSFW X F!Reader -

“you make me smile … and also super horny, but that’s not the point.”

“Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?

Wrecker NSFW X F!Reader -

“I get so hard when I’m around you.”

Jesse NSFW X F!Reader -

“No one makes me as horny as you do.”

Hardcase NSFW X F!Reader -

“You feel like home to me.”

“I never knew I could want someone so badly.”

Tech NSFW X GN!Reader

“If you keep looking at me like that, I’m not responsible for what happens next.”

“I just want to be used by you tonight. Can I be your personal toy?”

Tech NSFW X F!Reader

“…” “…”

“Do you want to kiss?”

“Yeah.”

Echo NSFW X F!Reader

“If you keep looking at me like that I’m not responsible for what happens next.”

“Take control of me, I trust you.”

Wolffe NSFW X F!Reader

“If we weren’t in public, I’d bend you over and fuck you right now.”

“You know you’re really hit when you’re angry.”

Tech NSFW X GN(afab)!Reader

“Aren’t you tired?” “I am fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Jesse NSFW X F!Reader

“If you keep looking at me like that I’m not responsible for what happens next.”

Wrecker NSFW X F!Reader

“I have been looking for my hoodie-.” “You mean my hoodie.”

“All I could think about today was you.”

Crosshair NSFW X F!Reader

“If we weren’t in public, I’d bend you over and fuck you right now.”

“Get on your knees. Now.”

Crosshair NSFW X F!Reader

“I just want to be used by you tonight, can I be your personal toy?”

“Tease me until I can’t take it no more.”

Echo NSFW X F!Reader

“Can you feel what you’re doing to me?”

“You’re my biggest turn on.”

‘Accidental Brush’

Tech SFW X F!Reader -

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

“C’mere you.”

Echo SFW X F!Reader -

“Wait, you think I’m cute?”

Tech SFW X F!Reader -

“You look absolutely irresistible right now.”

Rex SFW X F!Reader -

“How do I know if I have a crush on someone?” • “Well, you can’t stop thinking about them, you feel strange when they’re around, and then you want to- why are you looking at me like that?”

Hunter SFW X F!Reader -

“Why are you really here? To mock me? To… make me hate you more?” - “No, none of that. I came to be a friend, because it really looks like you need one right now.” •••• “I don’t think you’re evil.” - “You don’t?” - “No, I think you’re just lost. Misguided. And you don’t know anything else.”

Hunter SFW X F!Reader

“I don’t like you. I can barley tolerate you.” • “Then why do you keep on coming back?”

“You’re not alone, you never were.”

Dogma SFW X GN!Reader

• “i don’t want to bother you. seriously, it’s all just... it’s a lot.”

• “it’s okay to cry, you know.”

Hound SFW X GN!Reader

“Am I your favourite?”

“I don’t know, I kinda like your dog more.”

Crosshair SFW X F!Reader

“You’re not alone… you never were.”

Fox SFW X GN!Reader

“Why are you really here? To mock me? To… make me hate you more?” - “No, none of that. I came to be a friend, because it really looks like you need one right now.”

Echo SFW X GN!Reader

“What if I dream about kissing you?”

Crosshair SFW X GN!Reader

“You bring out the good in me.”

Wrecker SFW X F!Reader

“You know, you’re really hot when you’re angry.”

4000 Follower Requests ☀️

Prompt List - CLOSED

Fives SFW X F!Reader

“You take my breath away.”

“Every time I look at you, I fall more in love every day.”

Wolffe NSFW X F!Reader

“One more for me, you can do it”

“You have the perfect lips for kissing.”

Wrecker SFW X GN!Reader

“You can hold my hand, if you want.”

“I love food, but you can have the last piece. Just this once.”

Hardcase SFW X F!Reader

“Life would be boring without you.”

Tup SFW X F!Reader

“Your hands are cold, let me warm them up.”

“I’ll walk you home”.

Crosshair NSFW X AFAB!Reader

“I know baby, you want me to fuck you don’t you?”

“Cum for me, pretty one.”

Hunter SFW X F!Reader

“I want to help… if you’ll let me.”

Crosshair SFW X F!Reader

“Every time I see you, I fall in love all over again.”

Wolffe SFW X F!Reader

“I’m not scared of anything except losing you.”

“I’m utterly and unconditionally in love with you.”

Hunter NSFW X F!Reader

“I want to hear you moan my name.”

“I can’t believe how good you are at that.”

Tech SFW X GN!Reader

“I would like to know what I can do to help.”

Thank you for all the support. Always. 💜

#UPDATES PROMPT LISTS #prompt lists #follower goal #thank you for 3000 #nahoney22 writes

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mishapocalyse · 2 years

Note

Please please PLEASE give us more soldier boy! I have barrelled through all the soldier boy content on this hell site and I am jonesing for another fix! Also yours is so poignant and darkly beautiful so just anything. I wouldn’t say no to a little smut tho if you’re good with that but if not just keep up the good work <3

Complex

Description: Soldier Boy wastes no time entering your life. Knocking down the very pieces of you that you thought you had built up over the years. However, just as quickly as he came--was equally the same when he decided he was finished. No matter if it hurt you or not.

Pairings: Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: Soldier Boy is his own warning, language, light implications of smut, and loneliness.

Note: Lemme’ feed you darlin’

———

I’m 21 the edge is razor thin

Between being numb—and feeling everything

Good days only serve as relief again

Soldier Boy didn’t deserve you. The young and innocent girl you were, he did not deserve you.

Now I watch as I waste away my days and nights

It’s a cross dissolve of a scene I’ve play before

And the leading role that I thought I’d hold

Doesn’t listen to me anymore.

He left you alone in that bed after he was finished with you. Every time the two of you intertwined as one. The way he found himself deeper inside of you feeling the inner workings of your hot and desperate soul.

The way your body pleaded to be touched; to be loved. Your hands trying to slip into his-only to be rejected and held against your will over top of you. Soldier Boy, Ben. He would never give you what you wanted.

You gave him your very innocence, in return he gave you nothing but regret for your own willingness to throw yourself at him.

You felt stupid; you felt useless.

But I’m wearing his boxers

I’m being a good wife

“I gotta’ head out, Princess. Keep the bed warm. I’m not done with that pretty little ass of yours.” He said, the butt of the joint in his mouth bobbing as he spoke.

You didn’t answer him. Only nodding as you turned over.

You knew he wouldn’t be back for awhile.

Normally you would have crawled, naked from the bed to press a sloppy kiss to his lips, your scent mixed with his wafting the room.

You didn’t bother this time. He didn’t care. You should have listened to your friends.

Soldier Boy didn’t care about you, no matter how hard he tried to make you believe. You knew you weren’t the only girl he was sleeping with, you’d seen how he was with women.

It made you sick.

It made you hate him.

The feelings never lasted long before you were back in his arms as if he were yours forever.

We won’t be together

But maybe the next life

I need him like water

He lives in a landslide

You were a fucking mess. Why did you do this to yourself? Getting with the man you knew right off the bat was bad news. Yet, you kept the left side of your bed warm every night like the two of you were an actual item.

Yes, you wanted that ideation to be true —but it was all mindless daydreams that would never come true.

Before you knew it, there he was again. Slipping inside of you, tearing at your skin, like a rabid dog. Hungry for more than idle flesh. Heat rising from your flushed skin, nails digging their graves into his back .

“Beautiful.” He would murmur in between grunts and moans.

“Absolutely stunning, Princess.”

After your routine of self loathing was over, he would watch you walk to the bathroom, head propped up on an arm. As if he were infatuated by merely your presence.

That was a lie too.

Everything he did or said was a lie. And you found that hating yourself was easier than telling him that what you both had was over.

I cry in his bathroom

He turns off the big light

When he asked you to go with him to the bar-it took you so far aback. You had thought you had shifted to a different dimension. There the two of you sat, drinking from the whole bottle he bought for you two to share. You were not a drinker. Yes, maybe one drink was all you had, and you knew that this wasn’t a date. Made it very clear he wasn’t dating you in the beginning.

He just didn’t want to be alone.

None of the other women wanted to go out like you did. You cancelled plans just to share the time with him-and for the simple fact is that without you he’d fall apart and you would find him on your doorstep, out of his mind and drunk.

You were keeping together just fine.

I’m being a cool girl

I’m keeping it so tight

I carry him home while

My friends have a good night

I need him like water

He thinks that I’m alright

I’m not feeling human

I think he’s a good guy

After everything he had put you through, you thought you could handle anything he threw at you.

“I think we should see other people.”

You told yourself that he would be back. But after last night, he never showed back up at your door.

You told yourself you wouldn’t do a lot of things after Soldier Boy.

You were a liar too.

Triangular, I can see them now

Three points at which I let myself down

I was just a girl, what's the excuse now?

You found yourself where you and him first met. It was the roof of an old warehouse that had been abandoned. It overlooked a large portion of the city and was high enough to have you getting ideas with your unstable mind.

Too regular, this pattern

I've been taking shelter in reaching new highs

When I was nineteen I wanted to die

You took another heavy drink of the bottle in your hands, as you emptied it. With enough force, you reeled back to chuck the bottle, hearing it break on the ground below.

You laughed; your phone buzzed.

From: SB☺️💕

What’re you up to? I stopped by your place but you weren’t home.

Your phone buzzed again.

From: SB☺️💕

I miss you.

You typed out a message the best you could.

To: SB☺️💕

Playing Life where we first met, seeing how much it takes before I go overboard.

It wasn’t the healthiest thing to send him. But you shut off your phone and stood. Tip-toeing along the edge of the roof while you swayed left and right, horribly keeping your balance. Thoughts of staying safe was shoved out the window. There was no going back now.

Now I just want to kill you

But I don't want to paint you the victim

“What the fuck are you doing?” You felt Soldier Boy tug you back from the ledge, your back hitting his chest.

You blatantly started swatting at him, trying to get out of his grip. He firmly planted you in front of him. A look of worry was across his face. Something you have never seen from him before.

“Calm down-“ you slapped him, which loosened the hold he had on you. You immediately made a beeline towards the door.

“Wait. Please. I-I’m sorry.” He said which made your hand freeze on the doorknob to the stairway.

“For what?” You replied.

“I hurt you. You gave me everything and I fucked you over.” He stared directly at you, you raised your head to meet his gaze.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I need to get home.” You answered, but he was much quicker, his hand slammed the door shut-holding it.

“Let me walk you home, at least. We can talk about this.” He gestured.

You sighed.

And I talk a good game

I'd die for just the promise you'd listen

Soldier Boy had lost just about everything. Sure, you forgave him. But it didn’t mean things were just okay with the two of you. He had been pulled into more and more hero work, while you waited on him to come home. Just like old times. The routine cycling back to normal.

I’m wearing his boxers

I’m being a good wife

We won’t be together

But maybe the next life

The next life could wait, you were sure that things were going to get better.

I need him like water

He lives on a landslide

I cry in his bathroom

He turns off the big light

“Come to bed, Princess would ya’?” He smiles at you, motioning you to let him hold you against him.

You had been reading in the window seat, placing the bookmark to save your spot for the next time you opened it.

I’m being a cool girl

I’m keeping it so tight

I carry him home while

My friends have a good night

The drinking subsides and the two of you found other possibilities to keep the both if you engaged and entertained. Like your reading and him whittling small trinkets he would make for you to put on the hanging shelves of collectables you had in your place.

I need him like water

He thinks that I’m alright

I’m not even human

I think he’s a good guy

Soldier Boy smirks as he pulled you down by the neckline of your shirt. Your lips connected with his in a slow paced embrace.

But it’s a complex

It’s a complex

I’m a complex.

Soldier Boy and your relationship with him was far from easy. It was harsh, frustrating and complicated.

It was strange.

But loving, as the two sides of the coin became one.

It was a complex that you would never let slip through your fingers again.

#jensen ackles #jensen ackled #askmishapoc #soldierboyedit #soldier boy🍦🪖🎯#soldier boy the boys #the boys soldier boy #soldier boy is his own warning #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy #the boys

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wooahaes · 2 years

Text

i need an angel’s hand

pairing: non-idol!seungcheol x fem!reader

prompt: n/a

word count: 0.8k

warnings: depression. abandonment issues. vague mention of reader being in therapy. talks of a future (weddings, kids) that its implied/stated reader has talked about wanting before. reader feels broken bc of her baggage. reader also outright stated to have had a rough life but details left vague on what that was. its a vent fic, really. intentional lowercase + no proofreading.

daisy’s notes: written entirely on mobile in a google doc and then copied over. title from taemin’s “soldier” bc its on my depression playlist.

“talk to me. i’m right here, okay?”

the feeling of seungcheol’s arms around you made you muffle your already-silent crying (save for the sounds of broken breathing) with your hands. he’d been sleeping heavy, and the tears had come on too fast for you to climb out of bed and hide in the bathroom—usually hidden behind the sound of the shower running. you could excuse it as a late night shower most nights. yet you hadn’t noticed seungcheol stirring awake, the way he watched your shoulders jerk for a moment before immediately realizing what was going on. if you had, maybe you would have been more careful.

he ran his fingers down your arms. “honey?” he said quietly, the strain of sleep threaded into his voice. “please?”

truthfully, you wanted to be anywhere but your boyfriend’s apartment. you didn’t want to give him a reason to leave you.

“i’m here if you need to talk,” he said, forehead pressed against your back. “i mean it. i want to listen.”

you did, too, but talking was hard when most people grew bored. when people realized you carried a little (okay; a lot) more bullshit than the average person. everyone struggled with something, you were sure. but it felt like every hand you were dealt was laced with bad cards. occasionally luck was on your side (with your decent apartment; with getting a decent job; with seungcheol, too), but most days it felt like whoever was dealing the stupid fucking cards had a vendetta against you specifically. how were you supposed to seize the day or control your fate if it kept kicking your ass at every single turn?

“i saw a dog today in the park,” seungcheol said after a few minutes. he rubbed circles into your arms. “and a couple playing with their toddler during their picnic. i kept thinking… that would be us someday.” he pressed a kiss against your neck.

you snuggled slightly closer to him. seungcheol pulled you to his chest, chin resting on your shoulder as he leaned up just enough to hover slightly. just enough to ensure he was heard.

“we would have our intimate wedding in the winter, because you always wanted a winter wedding…” his fingers grazed your arms. “and a wedding dress with sleeves and lace…” he kissed your shoulder. “because you hate the way your bare arms look even though i think every part of you is beautiful.”

you shut your eyes, sighing out a quiet “cheol…”

“i want our rose pink kitchen. or sunshine yellow. you always get torn between colors, but we’ll figure it out,” he chuckled softly. “and to cook breakfast for you…”

“i’m okay.”

“you aren’t, but that’s okay. we’ll talk when you’re ready.” seungcheol kissed your cheek, lips lingering against your skin a little longer than you expected. “i want you to know i’m not going anywhere. i love you,” he gently squeezed you, “and that includes hard times like these. i choose to love you every day and i always will. i want to listen, but i know it’s hard.”

“you deserve—“

“you deserve someone who listens,” he said. “and i’ll listen. and so will doctor kim when you see him for your next appointment.”

you breathed in deep. “i’m just scared everyone will leave in the end—“

“anyone who chooses to leave you when you need them the most isn't someone who genuinely cares about you.” seungcheol sat up. “that includes me. if i ever leave you when you need me to stay, then you should leave me because you deserve better.”

you turned to face him with a frown “cheol, you don’t mean that—“

“i do.” he looked so serious, so grim. “we can’t always be there for everyone, but the people who truly love you won’t abandon you as soon as it gets rough.” he took your face into his hands. “and if they love you, they’ll be there when you need them the most unless they have a really good reason not to be.”

“it's not fair for me to ask people that.”

“you’d do it for them,” he countered. “you deserve that support, too.” he let go of you. “i can’t promise i’ll be there immediately every time you need me,” he took one of your hands, not meeting your eyes, “but i promise i’ll be here to catch you when you need me.”

you sniffled, and seungcheol did, too.

“ah—really…” he wiped at his eyes. “i’m not supposed to get emotional over this,” he lowered his voice, “not when i’m supposed to support you—“

you pulled him in tight instead, sobbing into his shirt. he held you tight, the feeling of hot wet tears dropping onto your skin giving away that he was crying, too.

“i love you,” he said again, his voice more strained this time. “and i’m going to fight for us, okay? let’s fight for us together.”

if it meant you could love and support seungcheol in exchange, you’d go to war.

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen angst #seventeen x you #seventeen x reader #seungcheol x you #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol angst #s coups x you #s coups x reader #s coups angst

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aita-blorbos · 1 year

Note

[WARNING: Child Injury/Endangerment, alcoholism, animal death, Christianity]

Am I the jerk for lying to my dad? (Sorry for not using the right word, I’m just not comfortable swearing.)

I’ve done everything I can to be a good kid and keep God and my parents proud of me, but I always seem to misunderstand what people try to tell me.

So when my dad wanted to take me on a father-son hunting trip, I thought it was a chance to prove I could be the son my dad wants me to be, but I couldn’t bring myself to shoot anything. All the animals were so cute! I saw bunnies playing with their kids, and a deer came up and licked me on the face. It would’ve been so fun!

… except my dad kept drinking and pressuring me to shoot something. He finally got so frustrated with me that he grabbed the gun from my hands and shot not only the deer, but also someone’s hunting dog. Then he took both of them back to our campsite and ate them, saying if I wanted to eat I should’ve shot something myself.

He was still drinking, and I told him I wasn’t comfortable being around him and guns with him drunk. He started going on a rant that sounded like he was projecting his frustrations onto the booze.

Not knowing what else to do, I shot the liquor bottles so he couldn’t drink anymore, and he got even more mad. He ended up shooting me in the leg and thinking I had shot myself. I was relieved I had ignored him and brought a first aid kit, but the first thing he did was drink all the rubbing alcohol, and… I said I hated him.

He passed out and slept through the night.

While he was sleeping, a bear came to our campsite. He showed more interest in my dad than in me, and I felt bad (and maybe for a brief moment thought maybe I should’ve let my dad get attacked, but it was only a brief moment), but I shot the bear.

Dad slept through the rest of the night and through the next day until the sun started going down.

He didn’t remember anything from the night before. He didn’t even own up to shooting me in the leg. He just said that if he didn’t remember it, it wasn’t his fault.

Then he saw the bear. He begged me to make him proud and tell him that I shot that bear… but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to be proud of me anymore. I lied and said he shot the bear.

We went home and finally got the doctor to look at my leg. I was in a cast for almost a year, and the doctor said I’ll probably walk with a limp for the rest of my life because it was almost 24 hours before I got medical attention.

I’m… I’m sorry this has gotten longer than a lot of your other submissions, but I… I don’t know what to do. I was raised on “Honor thy Father and Mother”… But what if my father isn’t an honorable man?

So… am I the a- … the jerk for not wanting my dad to be proud of me? For lying so he’s not proud of me?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #child abuse #child endangerment #alcohol #animal death

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banannabethchase · 10 months

Text

Daddy's Getting Hot - also on AO3

Adam attempts a new experiment, something he's had in his head for a few years now. Daddy's home. He thinks.

I edited this while listening to Caramelldansen. Title from Unholy by Sam Smith feat. Kim Petras.

Concept inspired by this video, which I can't watch without laughing. Sorry, Hanger. You're just too damned cute! Paging @sarahcakes613. Sarah, Daddy kink is on the line for you.

Adam gets the idea from Instagram. He’s not on as much anymore, but he still plays around with it from time to time.

OMG Mox is so Daddy in this, he sees commented on a random video of Mox. He continues to scroll, and it’s a pattern. He outright snorts when he sees someone refer to Matt as Daddy, but it gives him an idea.

“That could work,” he says out loud.

Matt pokes his head out from the bathroom. “You good?”

Adam nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. Almost done?”

“My hair got stuck in the brush again so I’ll be a second,” Matt huffs. “This is why I tell you not to bring that brush.”

“My hair is curly!” Adam laughs. “I need different hair brushes. If you hate it so much, bring your own.”

“That requires me to think before I pack, and I’m above that,” Matt says, and his smile is so stupid Adam can’t do anything but roll his eyes.

“You’re the worst.”

“And you love me for it!”

They’re backstage for this Dynamite, mostly. Neither of them has much to do but check in with other wrestlers, coordinate. Adam’s absorbed some leadership activities without his permission, something Kenny once called sexually transmitted EVP, and he spends the evening on the phone, wondering how he can get out of this next time.

“And let catering know we need separate containers for the gluten and dairy free options!” Tony yells at Adam.

Adam rolls his eyes and relays the information as gently as he can, and hangs up.

“I am going to intentionally fuck up an order or something next week so nobody makes me use a phone,” he grumbles as he walks into the EVP room and drops his head into Matt’s lap.

“You aren’t good at fucking up on purpose, though,” Matt says, and Adam lets his eyes close as Matt runs his fingers through Adam’s hair. “Just ask Tony if he can put you on anything else.”

“Yeah,” Adam murmurs, getting comfortable. “Maybe I can be in charge of, like, directing people to locker rooms or something.

The jet lag’s getting to him and he’s almost asleep when the door bangs open.

“Jesus effing Christ, people in this building don’t know when to shut up.”

Adam’s jolted all the way awake by something heavy landing on his legs. “Hey!”

“Hi, Hanger,” Nick says, patting his thighs, where he doesn’t have his bony ass on them, that is. “You okay?”

“I was asleep, you shit,” Adam says. He twists, and Nick faceplants on the floor. “You deserved that.”

“Matt, tell your boyfriend to stop beating me up.”

“Apologize to your best friend for sitting on him,” Matt replies primly, and he pulls Adam back into his lap.

Adam grins up at him. “Do I finally beat Nick in an argument?” he asks. “Do I win?”

“Only because, this time, you were right,” Matt says, and he goes back to scrolling his phone with one hand and stroking Adam’s hair with the other. “Next time check if he’s sleeping, Nick. God. Be courteous.”

Nick glares. “Courteous?” he says. He stands up. “Courteous? You weren’t too courteous when you walked in the locker room a few weeks ago.”

Matt shrugs. “Lock it next time so I don’t have to see you bent over for Christian effing Cage.”

Adam sits up so fast his head spins. “I’m sorry, what?!”

Matt gets a little smile on his face while Nick starts making a noise that reminds Adam of when his dog smelled a coyote outside. “I never said anything because Nick wasn’t being annoying yet and swore me to secrecy, but if he’s going to be a bitch, I will be, too.”

“You are the worst brother,” Nick grumbles, throwing himself into a chair across the room. “You said you wouldn’t say anything.”

“And you said you’d stop being a douchebag,” Matt says. He finally looks up at Nick. “Go complain to your sugar daddy or something.”

“He’s not my – he bought me one pair of sneakers!”

Adam shoves his face into Matt’s stomach, but it doesn’t stop him from laughing so hard his shoulders shake.

Nick throws what Adam can only assume is a sneaker at Adam’s back. “I’m glad I sat on you.”

Tony gives them the okay to get back to the hotel early and Adam is giddy with anticipation. He’d hid in the locker room while Nick and Matt had done some work around the venue, so he’d come up with a plan. A new Matt experiment.

“Get your ass in that elevator,” he says, crowding Matt closer to the wall.

“Chill,” Matt laughs, meeting his eyes in the reflection of the metal. “You’re not usually the one being all desperate.”

He slides his hands into Matt’s front pockets, yanking him back against Adam. Matt rolls his hips and finds Adam already hard. “Hard not to be when I have you to look forward to.”

“I guess,” Matt says, pulling away when the elevator doors open. An older couple step out and frown at them. Adam responds by rolling his eyes and shoving Matt into the elevator a little rougher than necessary, but the way Matt practically climbs him when the doors close tell him he made the right move.

“Okay, I’m on board,” Matt says. “What’s the plan? Any experiments?”

Adam nods, leaning down to press a kiss to Matt’s forehead. “A surprise,” he murmurs.

Matt pulls back, eyebrows raised. “A surprise? Like a new vibrator?”

“No – god, we just got you a new one.” He pulls Matt in for a kiss, unable to resist. “It’s not a thing. It’s a – it’s a word?” He frowns. “Sort of.”

Matt tilts his head to the side, like he’s trying to read Adam’s mind. “Okay,” he says. “Sure.”

The elevator dings and Adam almost throws Matt out of it. He needs to bury himself so deep inside of Matt the next person to pull him out of there will be crowned the king of England, and he can’t do that in public.

“Room,” he says, hands on Matt’s ass, “now.”

“Your hands are in the pocket with my wallet,” Matt replies. “You open it.”

Adam does is best to grope intently as he can before pulling out the wallet and pushing Matt up against the door. “Could fuck you right here,” he murmurs in Matt’s ear. “Anybody could walk by and see you getting fucked so good you forget your own name.”

Matt exhales shakily. “You could,” he says. “You should.”

“We’d get kicked out,” Adam says, swiping the card. Matt slaps his hand away as he pushes open the door.

Adam yanks the door closed behind them and shoves Matt up against it, kissing him so hard his own head spins. Matt opens his mouth and leans into it, throwing a leg around Adam’s waist and yanking him in. Adam grabs him and turns, throwing him onto the bed.

“Take off your clothes,” he says. “Now.”

Matt does so in a frenzy, his tee shirt hitting Adam in the head, and Adam takes the moment to grin. “What?” Matt asks.

“I just – I love you.” Adam sighs. “You know that, right?” He steps over to the bed and flops on top of Matt, earning a giggle. “Always.”

Matt nods and caresses Adam’s cheek. “Always,” Matt echoes, like a promise. “So, are you still gonna eff me so hard I feel it tomorrow, or are you gonna cry again?”

Adam huffs. “That was twice, and it was your fault.”

“And?” Matt asks. “Crying tonight. Got it.”

Adam flips Matt over, kneading his ass. “Not quite.”

He opens up Matt fast, not quite as roughly as the week before, but still with a speed he doesn’t usually aim for. Matt takes seconds to start demanding Adam’s cock.

“I am a finger in, Matthew, chill,” Adam says. On an impulse, he smacks Matt’s ass, full palm striking. Matt lets out the kind of moan that Adam knows he’ll hear in his wettest dreams. “Good?”

“Yes,” Matt breaths. “Do that any time, okay? Is that the surprise?”

“Nope,” Adam says, tracing the print of his hand on Matt’s ass. Matt exhales, shaky. “Man, your ass is pretty. Sure you’re okay with me getting it all marked up?”

Matt laughs, and it cuts off when Adam adds another finger. “That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?” Matt says. He glances back and Adam rolls them so he can see Matt’s face. “Because I’m yours. Right?”

Adam pauses. “All mine,” he says. He crooks his fingers enough to get a yelp from Matt and grins. “Mark you all over as mine, yeah?”

Matt’s eyes roll back in his head. “Oh, my god.”

Adam has to reassure Matt that he’ll be back soon when he steps away to get the lube.

“You want a –”

“No!” Matt calls. “No. Want you to come in me, like always.”

Adam chuckles. “Still gonna ask from time to time.” He pulls out the lube and flicks it open. “Get ready, baby.”

Matt nods and shifts, shoving a pillow under his hips. “Ready for my surprise.” He really does look eager, little smile and twitchy fingers. Adam gets a little more confident with his idea.

Adam goes slow to start, just the head of his cock inside of Matt as he gives him shallow thrusts. Matt whimpers, trying to push his hips down further.

“More?” he pleads. “I wanna feel all of you, Adam.”

“Yeah?” Adam asks. He gives Matt a little more, trying to keep himself focused while consumed by white-hot velvet. “That good?”

Matt shakes his head. “All of you,” he demands. “Come on, I want all of your – all of your cock.” He looks up, eyes all pretty and sweet like he knows Adam can’t resist. “Please?”

Adam slides in home, surrounded. “Yeah, baby. Anything for you.”

Matt sighs as Adam tries some deeper, slower thrusts, sighs building into whimpers into moans.

“Yeah,” Adam growls, trying to get into the head space for his plan, “make some pretty noise for Daddy.”

The atmosphere shifts as Matt freezes, his face falling into mild bemusement. Adam stops moving. He needs a reaction. Any reaction.

Matt bursts into laughter, so hard and so emphatic Adam slips out of him.

“Oh, wait, what?” Adam asks. Matt’s laughter gets more raucous as he curls up into himself, turning into shrieks. “Okay, this is just mean.”

“I’m sorry!” Matt wails, looking more gleeful than Adam’s seen in a while. “Sorry!”

Adam tries to level him with some sort of booboo eyes, or something close, but that would work better if Matt was looking at him. “You could feel a little bad about laughing at me so hard we stopped fucking.”

“I am!” Matt says. “I’m sorry, I love you. I just – all I can think about when you call yourself ‘Daddy’ is that one video of you…” He trails off, and Adam can tell he’s trying desperately to get himself under control, which is somehow worse than Matt just cackling. “Okay, remember back on the indies, when you told Kaleb to keep the belt warm for Daddy?”

Adam nods. “Yeah? And?”

“That’s what I think of,” Matt says, and he looks incredible with that smile on his face, splayed out and gleeful on Adam’s hotel bed. “That, like, toddler version of you with the curly hair and frat boy attitude calling yourself Daddy.” He reaches up and cups Adam’s cheek. “Don’t get me wrong, I do want to make noise for you and everything, but…” He sighs. “I’ve seen the way you looked back then, as first draft Adam Page, and that’s the only other time you’ve ever called yourself Daddy.”

Adam opened his mouth to retort, because he’s sure he’s said something like that at that point. “I’m sure I did other times. I had to.”

“Not that I can remember,” Matt says.

Adam huffs. “This is the meanest you’ve ever been to me, you know.” He grabs Matt’s thighs. “Like, is this payback from the other night?” He slides back into Matt, grins when Matt’s face flutters into that open, desperate look. “You mad you didn’t get to be mean to me then, so you’ll make fun of me now?”

Matt lets out a little whimper. “Not – not making fun,” he whispers. “It just didn’t work – but I still want –”

Adam pulls out, fighting the smile that’s threatening. “You do? Didn’t feel like it.”

“Wait,” Matt says, eyes searching Adam’s face. “Wait, no, I don’t – don’t leave.”

“You were laughing at me while I was fucking you,�� he says. “Maybe my feelings are hurt.” He tries to give Matt booboo eyes.

Matt huffs and bangs his hands on the mattress in an adorable little temper tantrum. “I laughed at you when you called yourself Daddy because you were so effing cute back then, and the video sticks in my head any time anybody says the word ‘Daddy.’ It’s stuck there.” And then they hit: full caliber boo boo eyes. It doesn’t matter what either of them say next. Adam already knows his battle is lost.

“You aren’t allowed to be rational about your answer,” Adam sighs. “Get over here.” He yanks Matt a little farther down the bed and rolls Matt over, sliding a hand from the small of his back into his hair. He tangles his fingers and Matt gasps. Adam drags his dick down the still so slick crease of Matt’s ass. “Not so funny anymore, am I?”

Matt whines, arching his back, and it makes Adam’s cock catch on the rim of his hole. “No,” he pants. “No, not funny.”

“You gonna laugh at me again?” Adam asks, sliding in just the tip of his cock.

“I won’t,” Matt gasps. “Please get in me.” He’s begging now. Good. “I won’t laugh again. I won’t laugh, please.”

“Good boy,” Adam growls, and Matt mewls. “Oh, that’s it, isn’t it?” he laughs, sliding into Matt all the way. “You need it all about you. You’re the only one that gets a nickname.” He goes slow at first, dragging it out so Matt’s miserable, trying to rise back up on his knees and make it faster, but Adam keeps a firm hand on his back. “I get it,” Adam says, laying across Matt’s back. “Mox is right. All you want to be is a good little hole, and you don’t like it when the people who use you like a toy try to make it about them.”

Matt’s response is almost inhuman with the force of it. That’s it for Adam. He can’t fight it anymore, and yanks Matt’s hips back so he’s hilt deep into him. “Oh, thank god,” Matt whines. “Adam, please, more.”

“More – alright.” Adam reaches back and swats at Matt’s ass, braces one foot on the floor and a knee on the bed for the best leverage, and goes wild. It’s different than the time before, without any anger, but he laughs a little as he fucks gorgeous little sounds out of Matt as he shoves his hips backward. Matt’s driving himself onto Adam’s cock like a man on a mission, and it’s addictive.

“Gonna keep you like this forever,” Adam laughs. “Mark you up all over the place, make sure people know you belong to me.”

“Okay,” Matt says. “Yeah, do – do that.” He looks over his shoulders. “You, um. Handprints?”

“I can do that.” Adam pulls his hand back and swats.

“C’mon, you can do better than that,” Matt scoffs, and it feels unfair that he can be uppity and smug with Adam’s dick inside him. He sighs. “And you did so good at being mean last week.”

“I – are you challenging me?” Adam asks, drawing back his hips to slam into Matt. Matt gasps. “Is that really a good idea right now?”

“Yes,” Matt says, tongue poking out between his teeth.

“Put your tongue in your mouth so you don’t bite it off,” Adam says, fighting a laugh. “And hold on.”

He swings his hand back and lands a smack right on the same spot as before, leaving a pink splotch behind. “Oh, hey. My handprint stayed behind.” He circles his hips. “Okay, yeah.” The pink darkens, leaving the shape of his hand behind. “I like that.” He fucks into Matt slowly, intentionally, running his hand along the remnants of the bruise from last week. Matt sighs, dropping down onto the mattress with his ass still up in the air.

“You could do that again,” Matt suggests. “Or, like, always. I like having a reminder of you on me.”

“Yeah?” Adam asks. He smacks Matt’s ass again in the same place, earning a whimper. “You want people to know you’re mine?”

“Uhuh,” Matt murmurs. He turns his face back and moans into the pillow.

“Don’t do that,” Adam says. “I want to hear you.”

Matt snickers. “Does Daddy want me to make some noise?”

Adam expected it to – well, Matt’s right. It doesn’t really work.

“See!” Matt says. “It doesn’t – you’re hot and all, but the Daddy thing doesn’t work for you.”

“Fine,” Adam sighs, and he rolls his hips. “I fuckin’ hate it when you’re right.” He smacks Matt’s ass again. “Turn over so I can see your pretty face when you come.”

Matt shifts, whimpering when Adam pulls out of him, then lays on his back with his eyes all big and wide again. “You think I’m pretty,” he says, beaming.

“You’re hot and pretty and the best thing that’s every happened to me,” says Adam as he finds his way back home. “You’re also insufferable and incredibly annoying, and it pisses me off that I get so into it.”

Matt laughs and Adam joins in, and it’s not long before Matt’s braced his arms against the headboard and making the tell tale noises that he’s about to come all over the place.

“Go ahead, baby,” Adam murmurs. “I wanna see it. Be all pretty when you come.”

Matt locks eyes on Adam’s, then, with a whispered, “Adam,” comes across his own stomach. He gets so fucking tight around Adam that it’s basically over with a few more rolls of his hips. He grabs Matt’s hand as he comes, clutching him as closely as he can, and begins to wonder how much longer he can pretend that ring isn’t burning a hole in his bedside table at home.

“Love you,” he murmurs, rolling over and yanking Matt into his chest. “I love you.”

Matt laughs, tangling his legs with Adam’s. “I love you, too. Scoot, I’m falling off the bed.”

“Alright,” Adam says. He grabs Matt around the waist and rolls them over so Matt’s on the other side of the bed.

“That was so much more uncomfortable than I think you planned for,” Matt mutters, and, to be fair, his face is shoved into the pillow.

“Sorry,” Adam says. “Got overexcited.” He lets go of Matt and props himself up on his elbow. “You okay?”

“Adam, I cannot go again right now.”

“I didn’t – that’s not what I meant!” he says. He flips Matt over and settles his hand over the print he’d left there.

“Is it still pink?” Matt asks, craning his neck to see. “Move your hand.” He slaps Adam’s hand away. “Ugh. I can’t see.” He stands up, stark naked, and all but parades over to the bathroom. “Oh, wow!” Adam can hear him say from the bathroom. “Good work!”

“Thank you for that evaluation, Mr. Jackson,” Adam snarks back, but then Matt pops his head out.

“What did you just call me?”

“Mr. Jackson?” Adam says. “Oh, god, now you have a new pet name for yourself that you get off to.”

Matt shrugs, walking back into the bathroom. “Pretty sure you’d get off on me calling you Mr. Page.”

Adam has a sudden image of Matt in a board room, suit half off, laid out on a conference table while Adam fucked the life out of him. “Yeah,” Adam says. “Yeah, I think I would.”

Mini playlist (crackier than usual sorry except I'm not):

Unholy - Sam Smith feat. Kim Petras

Daddy AF - Slayyyter

Do Me - Kim Petras

Smack That - Akon

BAIT - Kim Petras and Banks

#HangMatt #This is a more comedy targeted one because #Well #This idea got a stranglehold on me #So #Here!#anxious millennial dreamboat #matt attrackson #wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes #the matt experiments

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alcestas-sloboda · 2 years

Text

this year broke my heart and left it lying in pieces. the worst thing one can imagine become daily news reports. death, ruins, destruction, that godforsaken air-raid siren, constant fear and anxiety but there were also love and hope, pride and joy - there was everything.

i would never forget that day, the shaking of my hands and worried voices of my parents. that first week or two when you don’t know what will happen next. than there were 5 month of daily volunteering through which I hopefully helped people who needed it the most.

there were also two semesters of uni, the interest in which I lost a long time ago but still couldn’t dare to let it go. there is now only one semester left and I will be a bachelor, what happens next? who knows? I hate myself for thinking the worst, for not knowing what to do with myself, not trying in general - I will try to change it, I will, I must.

this year was one that almost gave a reason to keep going. those tragedies became a point of no return - my worldview changed completely. there are things that will haunt me for the rest of my life and there were people who will be with me forever.

the only thing I want to talk about now is my country. my beloved motherland. my people. my greatest support. my steel. nobody believed in us, no one thought we would withstand but we did. as we always do. we showed the world what courage looks like, what actually great culture looks like - the one that blossoms even under the rocket fires not the one that destroys museums and theatres - what great people look like.

I’m eternally grateful to all of the defenders for everything: for every lived moment, for every eaten meal and coffee, for every read book and concert. you give everything and much more for our future and all I hope for is that my support is at least a ted helpful.

eternal glory to all the fallen heroes. to everyone who gave their lives for peaceful and victorious Ukraine.

there were so many things that keep appearing inside my brain right now. that first zelenskyy address on 24th. bucha and irpin’. me and my friend making the most random playlist during the night because we just couldn’t sleep. azovstal’ and mariupol. roman ratushnyi. eurovision win. kremenchuk. vinnytsia. when I started watching football again. kharkiv. mykolaiv. liberated kherson. mass graves in izium. our soldier castrated and shot by russians. bavovna in belgorod. olenivka. patron the dog. bakmut. first hug with my friend from kyiv. severodonetsk. return of mariupol defenders. ukrainian football even with the air threat. finished course paper during the blackouts. sunflowers. my skies covered in smoke. cyber bullying of russians. zhadan as leitmotif. pain. so much pain. and hatred. unfathomable hatred toward everything russian.

that is not even the whole list. hopefully next year will be more about love and joy than about pain and hate but even if the world has something more in stall for Ukraine and Ukrainians - we will withstand. that’s it, nothing less, nothing more.

thank you for everyone here who was engaged in our own informational warfare. thank you for sharing information and donations, thank you for kind word and constant support and also thank you to those anons that thought that Ukrainian thick skin could be pierced with cruel words and propaganda stories - everything was well and truly appreciated.

love you all. here is to victorious 2023. victorious for the one who doesn’t give up, victorious for the fighters and warriors and for those who stands on their side. to the other side of the world: you will lose. shamefully and disgracefully without a single droplet of tears from us.

glory to Ukraine! ❤️

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get-lost-in-fanfiction · 4 months

Text

LOST - Another Story

Rating: M

Word Count: 8.1k

A/N: Well. Welcome back to Lost - Another Story. I don't think I've posted a chapter since Jan 2022. But here we are! I've been rewatching the series and feeling the sting of being without my favorite Lostie, Amelia. So here is the next installment. I hope you enjoy!

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Homecoming

I must have fallen asleep, because when I hear voices I open my eyes and sit up. My whole body being completely stiff is also a damn good sign, too. My pack is squished up awkwardly where my head was once laying with a sharp edge right where the base of my neck was. Terrific.

“Over here. Jack!” Someone calls. I can't see who it is. I rub the back of my neck and feel how tight my muscles are; this is why I don’t sleep at the caves. Man if only I had some aspirin then this place would really be worthwhile.

“Where's Jack?” Locke says as Charlie approaches, “We need the doctor.”

“He's right there,” I say while pointing, “Right there.”

“What happened?” Charlie asks me, and I gesture to where Locke is walking into the caves carrying Claire.

“Jack!” Someone else yells and I rub my temples. This is awful to wake up to.

“Doctor!” Locke calls and Charlie rushes over to Locke.

“Claire?” Charlie says and I scramble to my feet.

“Is she alive?” Michael asks.

“What happened?” Walt asks me, and I just shake my head. I couldn’t possibly explain it all in such a short amount of time,

“Is she alright?” Charlie asks and Jack is at my side.

Jack goes over to Locke and picks her up instead, “Where did you find her?” He asks.

“About a mile north. We were looking for the dog,” Locke replies.

“Was she conscious?” Jack asks.

“She collapsed in my arms.”

“Did she say anything?” Charlie adds.

“Charlie, man! Is she injured?” Hurley interjects.

“Is she alright?” Walt asks and I look at him and shake my head again. He backs off and I sigh loudly.

“Everybody needs to back off, okay? Just give her some air,” I yell to everyone around as Jack wipes Claire's brow with a cloth. I’m surprised when they actually listen. Doctor perks I guess.

“Claire, can you hear me?” Jack asks, “Wake up now. Hey, Claire, Claire. Wake up now.” Claire opens her eyes and Jack looks at her, “Hey.”

Claire screams and scrambles away and I clap my hands over my ears. I hate Clarie’s screams in this one. This is not a good day for me. A headache is painfully stabbing me at the base of my neck. Stupid backpack.

“Claire? It's okay. It's okay,” Jack says in a panicked but soothing manner.

“Claire. You're safe,” Charlie adds, looking at me nervously.

“Who are you? Who are you?! Who are you people?!” Clarie screams and everyone exchanges looks.

“I don't understand. I don't know any Ethan. I don't remember. I don't remember any of you. I don't remember any of this,” Clarie says all panicked.

“What do you remember?” Charlie asks and I give him a side glance.

“Um, I was on a plane flying to LA from Sydney,” Claire says with all the certainty she can muster, which isn’t a whole lot.

“Claire,” I say as I kneel down beside her, “We were all on that plane. It crashed here -- on this Island. That was almost a month ago.”

“No, I'm, I'm due,” Claire begins to say, but I rest a gentle hand on her shoulder. Surprisingly she doesn’t flinch away like she had the rest.

“Your baby's fine--” Jack interjects, but I finish, “--He's kicking, everything's normal. Okay?”

“Well, if it's been almost a month then why hasn't somebody come to get us?” Claire asks and Jack glances at me to give an explanation. I stare back plainly. Jack, Locke and Charlie look around not knowing what to say, and I notice Jin and Sun looking on and beginning to converse with one another.

Boone and Locke leave the group and I get up to follow them. I’m sure Jack begins to say something, but part of me has absolutely no time for his bullshit, despite my inherent uncomfortableness around Boone.

“You think she escaped?” Boone asks and I realize I’m right at the start of their conversation. Boone has his back turned to Locke who is sitting on something on the ground. I sit as well. Locke nods to acknowledge my presence then answers Boone, “You were right beside me, Boone, you know as much as I do.”

Then Boone turns around and spots me. My stomach does a funny flip, and not in a good way. He doesn’t say anything to me, other than his line: “Well, where did she come from? I mean, we were out pretty deep. Nothing's out there,” Boone pauses and Locke gives a faint smile, “She didn't say anything at all about Ethan?”

“Apparently she doesn't even remember Ethan,” Locke responds.

“The guy pretends to be one of us -- he drags her through the jungle for almost two weeks -- she doesn't remember him?”

“Apparently.”

“You think he's around?”

“I sure hope not,” Locke and I say at the same time. This is when Boone and Locke begin to engage me.

“Is he coming back Amelia?” Locke asks. I’m a little stunned because I wasn’t sure Locke believed that I knew literally everything.

“It’s not my place to say,” I reply cryptically, I don’t want them to think I’m a traitor or something, despite the fact that the truth of what I am has surely spread far and wide throughout the camp by now.

“C’mon Amelia,” Boone says, taking some steps closer to me, “We won't tell anyone, besides, you already know a secret of ours.”

I sigh heavily and Locke looks at me surprised, to my relief Boone answers Locke’s questioning stare: “She knows about the hatch Locke, she knows everything.”

I’m about to answer, feeling more uncomfortable by the second. Why did I come out here anyway? What was the purpose? I really can’t remember and I’m starting to feel as sick as I did when I was eavesdropping on Locke and Boones hallucination experiment conversion. I open my mouth but Jack suddenly shows up to come to my aide.

“She doesn’t have to tell you anything, Boone,” Jack says mildly defensively and Boone backs off immediately. I jump to my feet and walk quickly away with Jack. We’re heading back to the beach.

About halfway there I’m suddenly struck with a memory, and a question I meant to ask Jack a while ago. However, I hesitate for a moment, because there are a few questions I want to ask but I’m unsure of what order I should ask them in. I mull things over for a moment, and ultimately decide to thank him, first, then ask my weird time travel questions.

“Thank you for standing up for me,” I say out of the blue and Jack seems stunned at my words, “I didn’t think you would, considering you always wanna know future stuff.”

“Boone is slimy and I didn’t want him to take advantage of you,” Jack responds quickly and I wonder if he’s growing a soft spot for me and all of my weirdness and uncontrollable knowledge.

“I wanted to ask you something, though, and maybe it’s a little weird but I gotta know.”

“Sure, go for it, we’re almost back to the beach though.”

“Yeah I understand, uh so before this is before the crash. When I was 14 my whole family was killed in a terrible explosion. Sewer Gas,” I pause to take a suddering breath and Jack gestures for me to continue on speaking. This is hard to talk about.

I take another breath and continue, “I was thrown 50 feet from the outside oof the house, where I was taking out the trash. They were waiting for me to come back when they died. I broke my neck and several other bones while sustaining 3rd degree burns on most of my back and some on the back of my arms. I wasn’t expected to make it after being thrown from that distance. But the ambulance arrived and I was rushed to the ER where I was X-rayed then immediately put in emergency surgery. I was partially paralyzed. The surgeons expected that I wouldn’t regain full range of motion even with the surgery. But they did it anyway. Once I had woken up, a doctor came to see me. He told me his name and that he was the one that operated on me. He said that the surgery was an immense success and that they didn’t see why I wouldn’t make a full recovery after a year or more of physical therapy. I was heavily bandaged and still a little sedated but still managed to catch the doctor’s name when he told me. That doctor was you, Jack. You operated on me and told me that you’d be with me, observing, every step of the way. Then you disappeared and I forgot about you. You saw me just a few weeks ago, lying with bandages over 80% of my body. But here I am now.” I look up at Jack who is staring straight ahead. We slowed down walking as I kept speaking, and now we’re just at a standstill with Jack staring off into the jungle with a far off look in his eye.

“Jack?” I ask tentatively, “Do you remember that?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Jack replies and whips his head to look at me and a wild expression is painted all over his face. I smile grimly, trying not too seem too hurt about this load of information I unceremoniously just dropped on him. I feel tears rising up from my throat and I do my best to push it back down.

Jack doesn’t say anything for a really long time. I kind of stand around awkwardly as I watch Jack’s brain go through some very obviously deep thoughts. Honestly, I’m not even sure why I brought it up, or what the point was. I mean, is there a point? Is there some sort of pull I can use to get Jack to finally take me seriously? It wouldn’t be bad to finally have Jack fully on my side, and maybe this is what I need to influence things. To make a difference, to make something change. Even if whatever happened, happened.

“Do you have anything to say?” I ask Jack. This seems to shake him from his thoughts and we start walking again.

“I never put those two things together. You looked familiar, but…” Jack trails off and I can’t help but roll my eyes. He’s so dramatic.

“Does this mean you’ll take me seriously? I mean, this time travel stuff isn’t bullshit. You’ve experienced my younger and current selves within a month,” I reply with a bit of amusement. Honestly I’m not sure why I never put two and two together until now either. I guess I just pushed that time of my life away because it was so damn traumatic.

“Well I have undeniable evidence,” Jack says with his weird breathy laugh. I smile to myself.

“Man of Science,” I mutter and Jack tilts his head in my direction but doesn’t say anything.

In the morning, Sayid, Charlie, Jack, Locke and I are gathered around on the beach. I arrive after the rest of the men, and Jack regards me with a new expression. It fills me with hope and maybe, just maybe, it will solidify my existence enough for the Island to provide me with plot protection. It’s a fairly beautiful day and the ocean looks particularly pretty. I can’t get caught up in the scenery, we have a plot to move forward.

“The girl is pregnant. Very pregnant,” Sayid says, “Are we supposed to believe that she escaped from him?”

“What are you getting at?” Charlie says very indignantly and I roll my eyes. I’m over feeling bad about line stealing so I try to speak up, but Sayid beats me.

“Ethan infiltrated us. Whoever he is and wherever he comes from, he's intelligent. Who's to say he didn't even send Claire?” Sayid shoots back and I bite my tongue. I’m not surprised when Jack looks over at me.

“You're off your head, mate! That-” Charlie begins to say in protest, but Jack cuts him off.

“Charlie, calm down. That's a stretch, Sayid,” Jack says, all along with a side glance at me. I wonder if he’s looking for facial confirmation. I decide to give him a half nod. Jack presses his lips together tightly.

“Then tell me, doctor, how many times have you diagnosed actual amnesia and such a selective brand of it?” Sayid replies and I hold back a smirk at the fact Sayid is questioning the doctor. The spinal surgeon. While I get they’re trying to make Jack the hero, I know for a fact there is no way he remembers this sort of stuff from med school. Hell, I don’t and I’m in it. Or was I guess, now.

“Okay, it's rare,” Jack says, finally stopping his weird side glances, “But she's been through a major trauma. It is possible that her memory reset to the crash.”

“And the chances of that memory returning?” Locke asks, but the question is not to Jack, it’s to me. Jack unashamedly looks at me now, everyone does.

“I don’t know, it wasn’t ever explained,” I lie, obviously. But maybe they’ll buy it with Jack on my side, “Producers, y’know?”

Charlie rolls his eyes and I’ve completely decided I don’t like him as a character anymore, “You know what? You guys can talk about Claire all you want. I'm actually going to go spend some time with her. I get the impression she might still be a tad upset.”

Charlie goes running off. I don’t say anything to the rest of them and take off after him. I know what’s happening next and maybe I can back Ethan off of Charlie. Chances are I can’t, but I’m willing to save Charlie’s neck this one time. Only because Ethan gives me the hella creeps.

I see Jin up ahead walking with his fishing net. Charlie comes running up with me right on his tail. Charlie scoffs at me and I don’t bother engaging. I only hope Ethan doesn’t knock me out with a rock as well.

“Oi, Jin. You heading back to the caves?” Charlie exclaims and I wave at Jin. Jin nods his head at me slightly and I’m hoping Sun has told him good things about me, otherwise, I’m probably in trouble. Early series Jin isn’t one to mess with.

“안녕,” Jin replies and I can only assume it means hello. At least from my old google translate days when I watched the show.

“Safety in numbers, right? Of course, you have no idea what I'm talking about. How nice it must be to not be involved in the bloody insanity that surrounds us at every turn,” Charlie says with a glance at me. He’s starting to ramble and I look around slowly in preparation, “It's quite beautiful, really. You take care of your wife. Everything else is someone else's problem. No need to be involved in the decision-making process. No tree-shaking behemoths, French transmissions, just sweet, bloody ignorance. You don't know how lucky you are, you know. Must be nice. You wake up and…”

Suddenly we hear a whirring sound. Predictably, they both look around like wild prey looking for their predator. I know better, steeling myself for an attack.

“What?” Charlie says and Jin gets pegged with a rock and collapses. Ethan appears and walks up to Charlie and me.

“Charlie, I want her back,” Ethan says, then whips his head to me, “Amelia, funny to see you here.”

“Wonderful to see you too, Ethan, really fantastic,” I say very sarcastically and with a roll of my eyes.

“What? I…” Charlie says and looks worriedly between the two of us. I stand in between Charlie and Ethan.

“I want you to bring her back,” Ethan replies, taking a step towards the both of us. Charlie grabs onto my shoulder in fear and I internally smirk at his spinelessness.

“We both know that’s not going to happen,” I try to say as bravely as I can, “We’ll kill you first.”

It’s not a lie and there's no way for Ethan to call me out on any bluff. For once I’m using my knowledge as a threat, to protect the people I care about. Even if Charlie did punch me in my stab wound that one time. Ethan is going to be killed, and I’m going to be the one to do it, not Charlie. I’ll make sure of it, maybe it’ll send my dear friend Ben a message.

“What did you do to her?” Charlie says nervously and it breaks me out of my thoughts. I try to shield Charlie as much as I can but I don’t feel him grab a stick and try to hit Ethan with it, “What did you do?!”

Then, and this is what I’m not expecting, Ethan grabs me by the neck and lifts me up against a tree. I grab at his hand and claw at his arm. I try to not panic but it’s kind of hard not to when pushed so pathetically up against the tree. I knew this would happen, but certainly not to me. I’m starting to not be able to breathe and Ethan starts to speak.

“You bring her here. If you don't, I'm going to kill one of them. And then, if you don't bring her back before sundown tomorrow, I'll kill another, and another, and another. One every day,” Ethan says and finally drops me. I collapse to the ground to see Ethan turning to Charlie, “And Charlie, I'll kill you last.”

Ethan leaves and we’re left alone. I’m surprised when Charlie rushes to my side and helps me sit up. He leaves a hand on my shoulder until I look up at him with a more steady sense of breathing. Charlie holds out his hands and I use it to pull myself up.

“You need to be more careful Charlie,” I say exasperatedly, “Ethan is not someone to mess around with.”

“You two seem pretty cozy,” Charlie says hostilely, “Are you sure I can trust you?”

I scoff and then laugh. Charlie regards me with a stand-offish expression. I just shake my head and reply, “He knows me only because his leader knows me. Where Ethan is from, I’m a threat.”

“Where is he from? What the bloody hell do you mean Amelia?!” Charlie shouts and I hold up my hand and take a step to back away.

“Listen Charlie, sooner or later you’re going to have to accept that I’m on your side. I came out here to help you because I knew Ethan would do what he did. Knock out Jin, and push you against the tree. I didn’t know I would be taking your place in that, though, since I came along,” I try to stay as calm as possible. While Charlie isn’t a loose cannon like Michael, he does get pretty violent pretty soon. I want to make sure I’m not going to get shot.

Charlie seems satisfied with my answer, and I watch as he seems to mull things over. He looks over at Jin and I glance as well. I know Sun is going to take care of him but I feel bad just leaving him here. I don’t know what happened between the two scenes, and I want to make sure Sun will find Jin. Or at least that he’ll wake up.

“What about Jin?” Charlie asks, voicing my concerns out loud, and in fewer words.

“Sun will find him, he’ll be okay,” I reply, still looking at Jin lying unconscious on the jungle floor.

“We need to get back to the beach,” Charlie says and I nod.

“Lead the way,” I say as I gesture the way we came from. With one last look at our surroundings, I follow Charlie at a hurried pace back to the beach.

I must have zoned out because I’m startled when Charlie shouts, “What do we do? We go out and we bloody kill him!”

Locke raises his hands slowly at Charlie, “Calm down, Charlie. We don't want the others to get upset and…”

However Charlie interrupts him, “Forget the others. He's out there right now, Locke.” He’s practically spitting venom.

Then Jack butts in, “I think he's right. The man threatens to kill one of us unless we bring him Claire, and what, we just wait for that to happen? We tracked him once before, we can track him again.”

“You both seem to have forgotten how that turned out,” Locke says and turns to Jack first, “He bested you physically,” he turns to Charlie, “He hung you from a tree,” and finally he turns to me, “now Amelia is getting choked up trees with a healing stab wound. Running into the jungle unarmed is not going to get the job done.”

I sigh indignantly and jump in before Charlie speaks, “I’d like to mention that I was helping Charlie not get shoved up that tree. Also, you need to stop worrying so much, Ethan’s threats are empty.”

Locke regards me for a moment before replying, “Just how do you know this?”

“Because she’s a bloody spy that’s how!” Charlie shouts more at me than at Locke. Jack quickly steps up to me and places himself between me and Charlie.

“Those are some serious accusations, Charlie,” Jack says in a pretty menacing tone, “Locke, do we really need to go through this again?”

“Go through what?” Locke says with an air of innocence. Man he has been pissing me off more than he ever did in the show. Maybe he is just far more insufferable in person than an actor could ever portray.

“Oh right,” Charlie says while rolling his eyes, “She just knows everything. This is bullshit Jack.”

“Hey! I’m trying to help here, Charlie,” I shout at him, moving Jack roughly to the side so I can shove my finger into Charlie’s chest. He seems taken aback, “You better be fucking careful about what you say to me-”

“Why? So your big bad boyfriend Sawyer can come get me?” Charlie interrupts, Jack stares at me in surprise.

I scoff and I honestly don’t know how I hide my surprise at his comment so well, maybe because my next angry statement is out of my mouth before I can register it, “Because dipshit I know how, when, where, and who is gonna die so I’d be careful running your mouth to someone who could save your fucking life.”

The group is silent and staring and I realize that perhaps I’ve made a really big mistake. It’s quickly replaced with anger when Charlie spits at my feet and walks away. I make a move to run after him but Jack traps me with his arms hooked under my armpits and I do nothing but kick up sand. When I relax he releases me and I jump back from him, smoothing my shirt down my back to avoid anyone seeing my scars.

“Well, that was eventful,” Locke says, nonplussed. I roll my eyes and decide to get back to the predetermined dialogue.

“So what does get the job done?” I say in the calmest tone I can muster. I must not have done a good job because Locke’s face slips a little.

“We circle the wagons, tell a select few about the threat. We post some sentries here and back at the caves,” Locke finally says regarding Jack and me. Jack glances at me so quickly I almost miss it.

“Tell a select few? He does what he says he going to do and that blood's on our hands,” Jack shoots back and I want to kick him. I almost don’t want to argue because I figure what’s the point if the script is still going to play out. Maybe the combined stubbornness of Jack and Locke is too much for my “powers.”

“Okay, Jack, we tell everyone. But, you want to protect them, you need to start thinking defense,” Locke says and I sigh.

“We move everybody off the beach, back up into the caves,” Jack responds and I decide to jump in for another fruitless attempt before Locke speaks up.

“Jack that is a fucking stupid idea. Ethan is definetly hiding in the jungle,” I roll my eyes and Jack makes a tight-lipped expression at me. Maybe I shouldn’t be so mean after he just defended me.

“And to add, what if Ethan isn't alone? What if he delivered his threat so that we would gather like sheep to the slaughter in a confined space where they can roll in and take us all in one fell swoop,” I say again, stealing Locke’s line and feeling super smug about it. I sort of hate him right now.

“Okay, Amelia. Obviously, you have a plan. So, let's hear it,” Jack says and I am momentarily shocked by the change in what Jack says. Either way I continue with the story.

After our conversation Locke and Jack go their separate ways. I don’t really know what to do so I follow Jack in silence. We walk all the way back to the caves in silence. It’s kind of odd and I feel weird not saying anything. He still doesn’t say anything to me when we make it to the caves and and we sit down. Jack starts sharpening a knife and I stare into the waterfall. I don’t know how long we sit there. I feel like Jack wants to say something, but before he can Kate approaches.

“You look hungry,” she says and throws Jack a fruit. She nods in acknowledgement of me. I raise my hand as a stupid wave.

“Thanks,” Jack responds shortly. I look at Kate to see her expression but I don’t find one I can decipher easily.

“Locke told us what happened. Why do you think he wants her back?” Kate asks and I almost think to get up to leave.

“I don't know,” Jack says and Kate seems to get a bit antsy.

“Maybe it's time you use that key you know Amelia has been hiding. There are 4 nine millimeters in the Marshal's case and-” Kate says and I’m surprised. However Jack cuts Kate off.

“Uh-uh. No. I hand them out, someone hears something out in the jungle and gets scared, the chances of us shooting each other are much higher than of us shooting him,” Jack says calmly but I know he’s not. I sort of forgot about the case, I tucked it away so carefully in my tent it was like out of sight out of mind.

“We're beyond sharpening knives here, Jack,” Kate reasons and her voice shakes me from my thoughts.

“I am not putting guns in untrained hands,” Jack responds with a sense of finality. He gets up and walks away leaving me and Kate to look at each other. Eventually Kate nods to me and I get up and go with her. Wherever the hell that is.

“I thought those guys had a full on perimeter set up?” Hurley says somewhat nervously. I gnaw at my fingernails. It’s a habit I’ve seem to pick up over the past couple of days. It’s not enough to distract me from the ever growing sense of guilt and doom, but its something.

“Locke said it didn't matter -- he came in from the water,” Kate sighs and I inhale sharply. I’m worried for my own life. Ethan said he would kill Charlie last, meaning I was one of the potential targets. He needs to die, and soon.

“You sure it wasn't an accident? I mean, maybe the guy just drowned or something,” Hurley tries to say but Kate just shakes her head.

“His neck was broken, both his arms, all the bones in his fingers.”

“Yeah, okay. Got it.”

Then Sawyer strolls up to the scene and throws his arm over my shoulders, “So, Steve drew the short straw,” he says.

“Dude, that was Scott,” Hurley replied and Kate scoffs at Sawyer. I look up at him and he grins at me. Then both Hurley and Kate walk away, discussing Ethan and what Locke should or should not be doing. Sawyer pulls his arm off me once Kate walks away. I cross my arm and look up at him.

“Are you only doing that to piss off Kate?” I ask with a tad bit more malice than I intend. This seems to take Sawyer by surprise.

“What do you mean blue eyes? I’m not doin’ anything,” He seems to understand because his words have a sense of playfulness to them. I’m not having any of it.

“Well you seem to only come around and flirt with me when Kate is around,” I huff and my face turns red, “It’s not nice to toy with a girls feelings.”

Sawyer’s smile turns into a shit-eating grin and I suddenly feel very hot, “Now what do you mean by that?”

I stumble backwards as Sawyer takes a step closer. I just realized what I said now I can’t think of anything to say to get out of it. Instead I just end up sputtering pathetically while trying my hardest not to sink into the ground with embarrassment. Sawyer chuckles and grabs my waist when he finally approaches. My skin is prickling where his fingers make contact with the sliver of skin under the hem of my shirt. All I can do it stare wide-eyed at Sawyer as he leans down to whisper in my ear.

“Here I was thinkin’ you were always around ‘cause you had nothing better to do,” Sawyer’s breath is warm in my ear and I can’t suppress the shudder that makes its way up my spine, “Now the truth is out, you have a little crush on me. Don’t ya blue eyes.”

“Let go of me-” I say sharply. I don’t really mean it but we’re standing in the middle of the beach where everyone can see us. I feel extremely embarrassed, I’m sure I’m making glass out of the sand below me with how hot my body is from embarrassment.

Things get worse when I hear Jack suddenly shout something at Sawyer. He launches back from me and I hide my tomato face in my hands. Then Jack is upon us.

“The hell are you doing Sawyer?” Jack says angrily and I peek out behind my fingers.

Sawyer shrugs noncommittally and with a lopsided smile says, “Nothin’ Doc, just teasing ole blue eyes here. Completely harmless.”

“Whatever,” Jack responds. I’m surprised he lets it go so quickly. However, now turning to me Jack says, “Amelia I need the case.”

I drop my hands and Sawyer looks upset, “Right. Yeah it’s in my tent. Let’s go,” I reply and can slowly feel my face cool down. Jack turns and I move to go with.

“Hang on a tick,” Sawyer says and I can’t help but roll my eyes. Jack stops and turns again to face Sawyer.

“What now Sawyer?” Jack seems more annoyed than when he first came over.

“I seem to recall retrieving a case from a lake with blue eyes here. Could that be what you’re referencing?” Sawyer replies and I roll my eyes again and decide to respond.

“Yes but as I seem to recall, you willingly gave it to me. So if you’re wanting it back just because Jack is interested then you are out of luck dimples.”

Sawyer doesn’t seem to be in a fighting mood today, so he just shrugs and walks away with a cheeky wave to Jack and I. I raise my eyebrows back to Jack. He doesn’t say anything as he turns around and starts walking down the beach to my tent. I jog to catch up with him and walk in silence until I retrieve the case from the hidden place in my tent.

As Jack and I approach, I see Boone sharpening a spear with a knife while Locke is next to him. We bypass Boone and head straight for Locke. My grip on the case tightens significantly as we pass Boone. I can feel his eyes on me but I stare straight ahead. I don’t think Jack knows what transpired between us, and I don’t intend to tell him anytime soon. When we stand in front of Locke he looks at the both of us with a curious expression.

“John, want to take a walk?” Jack says and immediately Locke stands up. We walk away a bit. Once we stop I stick one of my hands into my pocket. I feel for the key and the metal is cold when my fingers brush it. I slip it out of my pocket and hold it in the opposite hand the case is in. Then Jack speaks again.

“What do you think happens after the sun sets tonight?”

Locke mock ponders for a moment, “Oh, if we don't bring Claire to him? Rhetorical, Jack. Same thing happens tonight as happened last night.”

“You think you can track him?”

“Well, I'm sorry?”

“We know where he attacked Jin, Amelia, and Charlie. Do you think you can pick up the trail?”

Locke pauses before he responds, “Maybe, but I wouldn't.”

“Wouldn't?” Jack replies. He seems upset and I try not to look at him.

“Jack, I'm not a cold man. I feel for the loss of one of our own, but nothing fundamental is changed,” Locke says slowly, “Wherever he is, wherever he comes from, we're on Ethan's turf. He has the advantage. To him we're nothing more than a bunch of scared idiots with sharp sticks.”

“What if I told you I had a way to get the advantage back?” Jack says and i finally look at him. Jack holds an expecting expression and the case feels a bit heavier in my hand. I’m getting nervous about shooting Ethan, but if all goes to plan then Charlie should have no way to get a gun.

“Then I would ask: what way might that be, Jack?” Locke says and I can see that his eyes drift to the case in my hands for a moment.

Jack turns to me again and I crouch down and set the case on its side. I fit the key into the lock and open it slowly. Carefully I slip the key back into my pocket and show the men the contents of the case. Locke lets out a low whistle and I look expectantly up at Jack.

“Why, doctor, you've been holding out on us,” Locke says then turns to me, “Or doctors I suppose.”

I smile slightly as Jack replies, “I'm guessing you know how to handle one of these?”

Jack picks a gun up out of the case and holds the it out to Locke who then takes it apart and puts it back together. Jack nods and I close up the case and lock it once again. I carefully put the key back in my pocket again and hold the case with two hands as we all stand. Jack and I walk away from Locke and start making our way to the caves. Locke returns to his place beside Boone and they start making conversation. I glance back and notice Boone side-eyeing me. I inhale sharply and turn away. And so the games begin.

Once Jack and I arrive at the caves, Charlie and Sayid join us. We talk for a little while. I nervously bite my fingernails until Locke shows up. I’m not sure why we didn’t just go to the caves together. I guess Locke had to say something to Boone before we left. Then Jack starts to explain the plan we have with Claire. Unfortunately, Charlie is upset and decides to speak his mind.

“Are you insane?!” Charlie says angrily and for once I don’t roll my eyes at his opposition. From his point of view it’s a terrible plan, especially since he cares for Claire. However…

“It's the best chance we have, Charlie,” Jack says, almost finishing my private thoughts out loud.

“No bloody way!” Charlie shouts and Sayis puts a hand on his shoulder.

“If you want to capture Ethan, we have to ensnare him. And the only way do that is by giving him what he wants,” Sayid says calmly but it doesn’t calm Charlie.

“You have no idea what you're talking about. This guy, he will kill all of you. You can't protect her…” Charlie says, but then Claire waddles in and speaks over him.

“Charlie, I can talk for myself,” she says and I smile at her.

“Claire, they want to use you as bait,” Charlie says, trying to reason with her after he shakes Sayid’s hand off of his shoulder.

“I don't remember Ethan. I don't remember what he did to me. But if I can help stop him from hurting anyone else, I have to do that,” Claire sounds brave but I can tell she’s nervous. Now to make sure Charlie can’t mess up my plan.

“I'm coming with you. You said there were 4 guns,” I say. Jack and Locke look at me.

“You ever fire a weapon, Amelia?” Locke says with a smile that is supposed to put me down. I straighten my shoulders.

“Actually I have, didn’t you hear about the polar bear?” I say defiantly and Locke just shrugs. I notice Charlie seething out of the corner of my eye and have to suppress the smile. +1 for Amelia Kassman.

“Alright, we should do this. Let's figure out a game plan. Alright, Sayid, you're the soldier. Locke, you're the hunter. . .” Jack begins and we flesh out the plan. While nervousness is still eating a hole in my stomach, the determination for what I have to do is pushing me forward. I’ve only ever shot a polar bear, and that was purely on luck since I knew exactly where it would be.

“Amelia’s right,” Locke says as we make our way back to the beach. I already knew where we were heading.

“About what?” Jack asks, and I glance over at the two of them. We arrive at the beach as Locke makes his next statement:

“We have 4 guns, we should have 4 men.”

So we walk over to Sawyer and Kate joins us halfway through. She doesn’t ask where were going, but I know she is somewhat aware of the plan. Sawyer spots the group of us walking. He catches my eye first and gives me a wink. My face turns red again as he stands up to meet us halfway.

Once he approaches, Jack says, “We need your help capturing Ethan.”

“Help? Moi?” Sawyer asks with a dramatic hand to his chest. I stifle a laugh.

“You know how to handle a gun, or not?” Jack asks, not having any of Sawyer’s bullshit.

“Yeah I think I can handle it,” Sawyer says and Jack hands him a gun. The line changed and I notice. He was supposed to say he shot the polar bear. I almost forgot about that. Then Sawyer says, “Where'd you get the hardware, Hoss?”

Jack doesnt respond and Kate speaks up, “I want to come.”

“Sorry, we're out of guns. And no one goes out there unarmed,” Jack replies as he shakes his head.

“How much ammo you got?” Sawyer says, glancing at me then back at our tents. Damn, I completely forgot Saywer has another gun.

“100 rounds give or take,” Jack says with a noncommittal shrug

Sawyer raises an eyebrow, considering their options. “All 9's, right? 9 millimeters -- the guns?” he asks.

“Yeah, why?” Jack responds, curious.

“Because, if the lady wants to come...” Sawyer trails off, retrieving a gun from his tent. “Lifted this off the Marshal back in the old days. Remember him, don't you? Surly guy, kind of square of jaw, carries a Sig 9.”

Jack's expression tightens with a mix of acknowledgment and disapproval. “Yeah, I remember you shot him. And missed.”

Sawyer chuckles. “Yeah, well, bygones. And hell, 5 guns are better than 4.”

We prepare to head out into the jungle and I glance over at the feeling of being watched. I notice Charlie staring at us with a mutinous look in his eye and I feel glad to be the one who I going to shoot Ethan to save some heat from Charlie. Maybe he won’t like me as much, but maybe if I’m able to explain it to him, he’ll finally understand what I’m trying to do here. Once we’re all gathered up and ready to do with the guns in our hands Sayid starts to explain the plan to Claire.

“He'll be surrounded at 5 points. Everyone will be in visual contact with you,” Sayid says, first turned to Claire. Once she nods in understanding he continues, “Make sure you stay in the area I've shown you.” Sayid turns to the rest of us and says, “And remember, guns are a measure of the last resort. We want him alive.”

“That’s not going to happen.” I think.

I turn back before we head out, and just like originally Charlie is watching us leave. The sky is cloudy as we walk into the jungle. We walk in line, Jack leading with Claire, then Locke, Sayid, Kate, Sawyer, and me bringing up the rear. Right before we make it to a clearing it beings to rain, pouring. Just like it happened before. My heart is pounding in anticipation, and Sawyer must sense the energy I give off because he looks back at me every so often. Everytime I give him a brave smile, trying not to seem too nervous about killing someone. Not that he knows that.

We arrive to where Jack things a suitable spot is. A clearing with trees that are easy to climb. Sayid climbs a tree and Claire stands in the middle of the clearing in the rain waiting for Ethan to come. Sawyer, Jack, myself, Kate, and Locke are hiding just out of sight, positioned all around the clearing. I ready my gun, waiting for Ethan to approach. After wating for a while Ethan suddenly appears and starts chasing Claire.

We all take off after Ethan. Jack circles around and runs in to tackle Ethan, which ends in him losing his gun. The rest of us come to help as Jack and Ethan slug each other. My pants are muddy and my hair clings to my forehead. I linger behind, wanting to make sure nobody sees me load the bullets into the chamber to prepare for what Charlie is supposed to do. My hands shake and I try my best to steady them. I don’t want to miss.

Then Locke shouts, “Over here! Over here! Jack's got him! Hold your fire. Don't shoot. We want him alive. Claire!” Locke runs over to her, making sure she’s nowhere near Ethan. “You alright?” He asks Claire and she gives a very shaky nod. I wait for Sawyer’s line patiently. Nobody seems to notice I’m hanging back. Perfect.

Sawyer comes running up with Kate following, “Over here!”

“Hey, hold your fire!” Sayid shouts at them, and they lower their guns slightly.

“Easy,” Sawyer growls and Jack lands a particularly good punch on Ethan. Jack finally eases up and gets up off of him. Everyone moves in closer to make sure he is down.

“Winner by a knockout. Nice one, Doc. Now, maybe somebody can tell me just who or what this son-of-bitch is!” Sawyer says, his hair getting into his mouth as he shouts. Then, Ethan starts to get up, and everybody points their gun at him.

“Uh, uh, uh, jungle boy. Not even for one second,” Sawyer says, raising his gun higher and aiming right where I’m going to shoot. His line was my queue and I pull the trigger.

Ethan is shot in the chest 6 times. Everybody whips around as Ethan collapses into the mud and the gun is still smoking in front of me. My hands are shaking and Sawyer looks at me in disbelief, but with a tinge of pride. Everyone else, however, looks at me even more terrified than they did when they found out I was from the future.

“Amelia?!” Jack shouts, the first words anyone seems to make out. I know he is supposed to say Charlie, so my plan worked out perfectly, even though I had to kill somebody. I’m sure that won’t be the last time.

I tuck the gun in the back of my jeans and without saying a word I begin trekking back to the beach. Halfway back the rain stops and I’m grateful for it. Nobody called for me, nobody ran after me, so obviously they were all pretty stunned. To be honest I’m surprised at myself for handling murdering Ethan so well. I didn’t really like him, well actually I hated him, and knowing Juliet delivered him as a baby doesn’t do much to dampen the feelings I have. Eventually, I make it back to the beach, still soaked to the bone and sweaty at the same time. I immediately head towards the case and put the gun back where it once was, after properly emptying the chamber, double checking the safety, and ejecting the mag. Then I lock it all back up, slip the key into my pocket, and decide to sit in the sand to dry off until the party eventually comes back.

Jack eventually comes and finds me, toes dipped into the edge of the waves. I don’t say anything when I hear him approach. I knew he would, it’s what he did when Charlie was the one to shoot Ethan, and I know this Island well enough by now that if I take someone’s place then it’ll just fill in everything that happens anyway. He sits by me, keeping his feet well away from the waves kissing the edge of his boots. I can feel Jack’s gaze on me, searching for answers in the depths of my earlobe.

"Why did you do it, Amelia?" Jack’s voice is soft, but his tone carries a weight of disbelief.

I turn to meet his gaze squarely, feeling the weight of his disappointment. "Because he deserved to die," I reply evenly, trying to keep my emotions in check. I don’t regret what I did. Not yet.

Jack shakes his head, his expression conflicted. "He could have told us where he came from, what he wanted with Claire, why he…"

"Do you really think he would have told us anything, Jack?" I interrupt, my voice edged with frustration. "I wasn't going to let that animal anywhere near her again. Ever. For Charlie’s sake."

"But we–" Jack starts, but I cut him off.

"But we nothing," I assert, feeling my patience wearing thin. "Anything you want to know, I know. You just have to be willing to actually listen. That’s been the problem the whole time. You don’t seem to trust me."

"I trust you," Jack insists, his voice tinged with defensiveness.

I sigh, feeling the weight of our strained relationship pressing down on me. "Well, it really doesn’t seem like it," I retort. "For whatever reason, you and the rest of this camp are very wary of me. Maybe it’s the Sawyer thing for those who don’t know, which I find hard to believe that anyone doesn’t actually know." I pause, taking a deep breath to steady myself. "People give me wide berths. Even if I’m the only other doctor on this Island, the rest of these background characters don’t trust me."

"Background…?" Jack starts to question, but I plow on, needing to get this off my chest.

"That’s beside the point, Jack," I continue, my frustration bubbling to the surface. "I just want you and Locke to listen to me for once. This whole ‘I’m going to do whatever I want because I know best’ attitude isn’t making me want to share anything. It’s only driving a wedge, and Sawyer seems to be the only person I can trust to not blab."

The words hang heavy in the air between us, the tension thick and suffocating. I can see the conflict in Jack’s eyes, the struggle to reconcile his trust in me with his sense of duty and responsibility to the rest of the group. But until he’s willing to truly listen, to see me as more than just a kid or another survivor he has to protect, our relationship will remain strained, and the truth will continue to elude us.

He doesn’t say anything else and I’m glad for it. I didn’t really want to talk to him beyond the predetermined dialouge anyway. After a few minutes, he leaves, a hand brushing over my shoulder in some sort of goodbye. It makes my sink prickle with anger, but I do my best to push it down. Things have changed, I can feel it. With Jack, with Sawyer, with everyone.

Maybe now they’ll take me a little seriously.

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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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oh i am powerfully grumpy today let me list the reasons why to break their hold over me! and then i will list the substantive good things that will counterbalance the grumpiness.

WHY AM I GRUMPY

didn’t sleep well and got up too early (this, as you will see, is probably the root of all other ills)

was pretty cranky with ruthie at 5am because she wouldn’t poop and wanted to just wander around outside & take a little walk instead. which fine but i was so tired and grumpy already haha. and then i always feel like a CRUEL MONSTER after i have spoken to her a bit sharply because she is a sweet little girl and sometimes you just don’t have to poop ok! also sometimes when i have been short with the dogs i am like oh great this is like a two-second glimpse of the lowest setting of sleep-deprived parenthood i bet i am going to handle that GREAT. (you can see here how i was already in that Mood where your crabbiness starts magnetizing all other free-floating crabbiness in the ether towards it)

got a little cranky on the phone with my mom because it felt like she was taking a liiiittle dig at me about the salary cut i’m taking (i don’t think she intentionally was i was just already kind of grumpy and sensitive)

i am experiencing some lowgrade anxiety about the HSG test tomorrow, partly because i have read that is going to be moderately painful and partly because i am worried it will reveal bigger problems

my lead just straight up stood me up for a meeting today lol... i was on the teams call for 10 min just waiting and then she didn’t respond to any of my messages so i hung up but can’t really wander away from my laptop in case she calls me back... i’ve been just kinda Over It for a while but man it is annoying when she does stuff like this. also lol she did the thing in a meeting yesterday where i offered to review this tiny inconsequential project real quick with my boss and my lead jumped in to be like “to make the best use of [boss]’s time, i think it’s best if i review the content first to ensure everything looks okay” which is code for “i am going to make one formatting change and then schedule a meeting with our boss without inviting you where i imply that your work was so shoddy i had to make MAJOR changes to salvage it.” i was just like sure girl. whatever. enjoy these last few days of getting to powertrip over me. you are so close to being in my rearview mirror forever.

i only have like 1-2 pointless work projects left before my last day (next friday) but they are so pointless and so hazily defined that working on them plunges me into a deep work despair spiral even though i am SO close to being done with this stupid job. i know i need to just pull myself together and finish them but wow. i hate this.

some IRL friend stuff is making me a little bit irritated and i just need to sit down for a minute at some point and decide if/how i want to react to it. it’s genuinely not a big deal it’s just one of those situations where there have been multiple small annoyances that are not exactly anyone’s fault but cumulatively just make me feel a little put-out. however i am aware that if i’d slept 2 more hours last night i might feel totally different about it so i am just bracketing it today.

phew okay. now WHAT ARE SOME OF THE GENUINELY GOOD & MEANINGFUL THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE FILLING ME WITH A SENSE OF GRATITUDE THAT I GET TO BE ALIVE IN THIS WORLD IN THIS MOMENT?

i wrote for 3+ hours this morning and feel really intrigued by the project... not sure if i have a sense of where it’s going yet but it’s been quite a while since i’ve been in that headspace where you wake up and reach blearily for your phone right away because you’re just HUNGRY to review the writing you did the previous night & start working on the new draft. i am very, very much hoping that a change of job and scenery will jumpstart my creativity a bit... i think it’s just challenging to write when literally nothing is happening in your life. you have all this open unstructured time, which means you don’t value any of the time you have (because if you don’t write in THIS empty moment you can always put it off to the next empty moment!), and then you are just sitting at home not experiencing any social or intellectual stimuli so i feel like you don’t get that “lots of ideas sloshing around in my brain... new encounters triggering new ways of looking at or connecting them... back-burner brain stuff simmering while doing other activities” stuff going. ANYWAY this is all to say it feels good to be writing again & feeling excited about writing whether or not this one sticks. i am just happier when i am engaging in the practice of making things even if i am not finishing things.

part of why i started writing again is that i got two extremely long, detailed, thoughtful comments on my last story from another writer that just made me feel so, so good and creatively energized. all comments are soooo good/valued but i feel like there is something extra special about getting that kind of extremely detailed feedback from a talented writer who picks up on why you did certain things and has a very clear sense of the really, really time-intensive revision and redrafting work that goes into weaving multiple layers into a story. i read the comments yesterday and at first was happy but also kind of in a funk about it - like it was SO nice and affirming to receive them but i have also kind of built that story up in my mind to be the best/most fully realized thing i’ve ever written and can sometimes get down on myself feeling like i’ll never be able to top it or even repeat it. but then i read the comments several more times and started thinking about some of the specific scenes or choices the person was highlighting and just remembering how many times i patiently reworked not-great versions of those scenes to just steadily make them better and more effective. and i was just like okay listen. it just takes hard work and time. i have to put in the hard work. i have to invest the time. i have to give up the fantasy that the first version i write (or the second version or the tenth version) is going to be, or should be, perfect. i’m so proud of that polished final work but to get there i had to really keep the draft shitty and unfinished and patchworked-together and rough around the edges so that i could have the flexibility to rearrange things and torpedo what wasn’t working and generate new ideas through new combinations of rough material. so get over yourself and get to work, you idiot, or you really will never make anything again because you’ll have gotten wrapped up in some fantasy of doing things perfectly the very first time. ANYWAY it was a journey haha but those comments got me moving again and it really made me remember again how much i value being part of a creative community where you get to have that kind of engagement with other readers and writers.

i think it’s going to be a stupidly gorgeous day out! and then a stupidly gorgeous next week or two! soooo nice to have nice weather!! spring is here!!! i scrubbed down the deck last night before bed finally and am now just awaiting the delivery of the outdoor rug and side table.

i had a really, really good catch-up call yesterday afternoon with a former mentee i worked closely with for a few years in my last job. i thought she was probably reaching out to ask about a letter of rec or something but it turned out that she actually just wanted to tell me about how this project she started years ago with me has continued to grow/evolve and has led to these pretty major institutional changes around making caste a protected class at our university. she was just like, ‘i’ve been thinking about you so much all year because everything we’ve been doing is rooted in the research ethos you taught me in that program. and then it just occurred to me that instead of just thinking about you i could reach out to tell you about how much you shaped this work.’ it was just so good to hear from her and so amazing to hear about this stuff she and her co-organizers have been able to achieve in the last couple years!! it made me feel really good/happy (for her but also obviously it’s just nice when people say nice things about your teaching impact!) and i also feel like it kinda lit a fire under me a little bit... like this past year has been so isolating and i think one thing i’ve missed is the way that students’ passionate commitments push YOU to be more engaged in your own life/community and more awake in your own life. i feel like this student in particular always pushed me to be more honest you know... she’s one of those people who is continuously pursuing difficult, important work because she believes it’s the right thing to do and she knows she has the skillset to do it. so i just want to hold onto that feeling you know... like as i begin to become more involved in the life of a campus community again and more connected to students i just want to keep pushing myself out of this period of isolation and into the world to do meaningful work.

#teaching #personal

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