#also i’m paranoid and highly anxious

[gladiatorcunt]

my icky feelings about drinking

[strniohoeee]

Alternate ending to hidden in the shadows or a part 5 PLEAAAASEEEEE (anonymous request)

Hidden In The Shadows- Alternate Ending

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: After a year of no sign of Matt, Y/N has given up. While working on a paper for a publisher she feels eyes on her…. Is her paranoia justified or no?✉️

Warnings⚠️: NONE, I’m rusty asf so don’t judge me this is pure trash🫶🏽😋

Song for imagine: West End Girls- Pet Shop Boys

Sometimes you’re better off dead

There’s a gun in your hand and it’s

Pointing at your head

You think you’re mad, too unstable

Sitting at the cafe I peered out the window as my fingers stopped abruptly. My thoughts suddenly come to a halt, struggling to form another sentence.

“I think I’ve been going at this for too long” I mumble to myself as I wiggle my fingers, bringing them up to my face and rubbing my eyes roughly

My old professor had asked me to edit and add to my writings on everything that had taken place. He was trying to bring my work to a highly reputable publishing company. However, everything I could have ever written was in these papers.

I was stressing myself out horribly because I was trying to make something out of nothing. Hitting save I pinched the bridge of my nose as I closed out my Google Docs tab. Shaking my leg anxiously I bit my lip.

A daunting thought gnawing at me. What if I just searched up Matt’s name? I mean I would have some form of closure right?

Opening the safari tab I felt a chill run down my spine as I felt like eyes were on me. I just assumed it was my guilty and paranoid conscience. Shaking the feeling off I googled Matt’s name and address.

To my surprise I saw one news article about this small town. Looking off my shoulders slyly, I opened the article. My eyes glanced over the title rapidly.

“Pleasant Town natives car found burned and body missing”

My heart sank immediately. Scrolling down I read the full article. Coming to find out that Matt’s car had been found burnt and crushed a week after I fled. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief? But also a sense of anxiety?

I mean glad that he might’ve gotten away, but also anxious thinking of the what ifs? Like what if he was killed?

Staring off into space as I looked out the window I suddenly felt eyes on me again. Straightening my posture I happened to glance down at my now dark laptop screen.

My eyes furrowed as I saw a man in the back of the cafe looking at me through the reflection on the screen. My eyes widened a bit and I rapidly turned around.

I Wished I hadn’t because there was no one sitting at that back table. And I now look like a paranoid psycho infront of all these people. Sighing I let my shoulders slouch shaking my head I shut my laptop

As I packed my things up I happened to look out the window and I made eye contact with that same mysterious person again.

Shoveling everything into my backpack I grabbed everything in a rush. Looking up to see the person tilting their hat down and turning around to walk away.

Rushing out the cafe I squinted my eyes as the cold air hit my eyes. The wind whipping my hair into my eyes as I flung my backpack over my shoulders.

Rushing to run across the street just barely avoiding getting hit by cars. Sticking my hand out in a sincere tone I jumped onto the next street.

Following hot on their tail I was speed walking. Roughly pulling the hair from in front of my eyes. We turned on a corner and it happened to only be us two.

This person having a major advantage over me, I began to jog slightly

“HEY!” I yelled out but to no avail

Something about this person seemed so familiar, and I was started to get scared

“HEY! I’m not trying to seem like a stalker, but I think I know you from somewhere” I yelled out and still this person tilted their head and kept walking

Rolling my eyes I began to walk faster and was able to grab their shoulder

“I SAID HEY” I replied firmly as I gripped their shoulder roughly

Stopping in my tracks abruptly, my voice caught in my throat. My eyes stinging from the wind, tears threatening to fall out

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be looking at him again….

“Matt?” I said squinting my eyes and tilting my head

His eyes softening as he looked around

“This wasn��t supposed to happen” he said grabbing me shoving us into a corner

“What the fuck happened to you? I thought you died? No contact for a year?” I said angry and saddened

“What else was I supposed to do? I had a target on my back and you had one on your head” he replied sinking into his coat a little more

“Matthew I was so fucking worried about you” I said as I pulled him in for a hug

“I was worried about you too, that’s why I’ve been keeping my distance” he said

“For how long?” I replied

“For a year” he said shamefully

“A year?” I screeched out

“Listen I had to watch you from a distance I didn’t know how safe it was for me to immediately come to you” he stated

“I’m just so glad you’re safe” I replied shaking my head in shock

“I always keep my eyes open for anyone who might come back from our past” Matt says to me as he pulls me in for another hug

“I can only imagine how tiring that gets for you” I said to him

“A little bit, but I’m used to it” he replied

That night we went back to my apartment and Matt went over exactly how he fled. His perfect elaborate scheme that surprisingly everyone believed.

The fear I dealt with since leaving was indescribable. Many nights I’d wake up in a cold sweat thinking I had been found and that I was about to be killed.

But to know Matt had been keeping an eye on me for a year made me feel better. I’m not sure what I’d do without Matt. Our bond was inseparable and since he came back I knew I had to protect him at all costs because he was no longer

Hidden in the shadows….

The End

Yall this was shit bc I’m rusty AF, but also I didn’t really want to end this fanfic on a happy note LMFAOOO. But anyways I love yall dearly for all the continued support. My requests are closed as I got 12 requests (oh yeah baby). THANK YOUUU AND ILYYY🥺🖤🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[kneelingshadowsalome]

ahh~ i’m so glad you liked my little essay~!! i have a knack for analyzing and interpreting stuff, i just think it’s so fun. plus i needed a way to vent out my thoughts and feelings on the little hyper-fixation i’ve developed from your story, my brain just went into overdrive because of how unique it is so i couldn’t resist.

anyway, thank you, seriously thank you for enjoying it, and i’m super happy to say that i have come up with few a headcanons of my own. these are mainly könig headcanons, so they’re more of my interpretations and analysis on him. let me know what you think~! i hope you have a wonderful read, and please keep doing you, you are a wonderful writer, and incredibly talented!!

okay, so first:

despite könig’s openness and acceptance to engels interest in his weaponry, i highly doubt that he would actually allow her to indulge in using any of them. i would even consider that he wouldn’t even teach her how to use one, especially his guns. sure, he’s gifted her knifes but notice that they’re quite feminine and dainty even, könig does try to engage with engel and her interests but emasculates them in a way that should suit her, a cute little knife is practically harmless compared to the massive destruction of his guns. the furthest he would go to showing her anything is how to hold it, but he still wouldn’t want her to hold it herself, and he won’t even shoot it in front of her considering that would damage her hearing, and he can’t bring himself to do that to his baby.

with that, i do think könig is careful and cautious with his engel. i feel like he tries to filter through the good and the bad for her. yes, we’ve been given instances in which the exact opposite has happened, i.e. him stabbing her boss right in front of her, but that was acted purely on impulse. i think after that, he tries his best, and i mean he really tries to shield her from that ever again unless absolutely needed. however, if she were to ask for that twisted ruthless side of him again, because she has the tendency to be twisted herself, then i’m sure he would have to lay down some ground rules, and although hesitant, in the end, he would do anything for her. but despite that, he does not allow angel to consume things that he perceives to be negative for both him and her, and what i mean by that is that he doesn’t allow her to consume any material that could be triggering for him or anything that could alter her behavior that would negatively effect both of them. so, stuff like world news, social media, anything that could give her a sense of empowerment, he doesn’t allow her to have her own phone, she’s constantly monitored, and she’s never alone once she leaves home because könig has to always check in on her. könig absolutely does not want her to be influenced by anything, it’s another reason why she doesn’t have friends, and knowing she isn’t influenced by anything other than him helps keep him from being paranoid, anxious, and violent.

now, back to könig being a raging misogynist at times, he would definitely believe in the value of gender roles, and i mean nothing is more important to him than the normalcy and complacency of the ideal of gendered roles and relationships. also, i hate to admit it, but he just can’t see his woman doing or portraying anything too masculine, it’s a turn off for him, he prefers if she were to just stay at home and do “womanly things” and be a woman, whatever that entails. i think he would even encourage engel to quit the job that she has now, he probably never liked the fact that she worked in such a masculine environment, working such a dirty job in the first place. the only times when he’ll allow engel to even be remotely dominant is during sex, and it’s only if she wants to be, but even through sex he still has the upper hand and has this, ‘this is only happening because i’m allowing it to happen’ mentality. plus it’s a nice thing to let go, relax, and allow her to take control for a little bit, but he would always remind her, both sexually and domestically, where her place is.

könig is completely shameless when it comes to his physicality. he knows what he’s capable of and he knows engel loves his body, so he uses that to his advantage to show off and impress her more. so that means, more unnecessary bouts of strengths used in front of engel, more commitment to his workouts, wearing less clothes around her (he honestly prefers to be casually nude more than he likes to admit, i also think it’s a kink for him to see her so flustered from it too), and insane sex positions. i think he would really enjoy fucking/eating her out standing up, just anything that involves comfortably lifting her up and possibly manhandling her, in a safe way at least.

also, könig is the most expressive when it comes to his sexuality. again, he has little shame, but it’s only because there’s something so special in sex that allows him to let go and just do what he wants in such an intimate environment, and it’s because of engel that it only amps up way more. so, with that being said, the guy is incredibly kinky and experimental. like i said, he likes casual nudity, but only done on his part, he doesn’t really like engel flaunting her body the way he flaunts his and prefers for her to stay modest, it’s really because of the innocent aspect that she tends to play that gets him going because of it. i also see him thriving in animalistic, predator/prey type of sex, especially if it’s outdoors. every time they’re out hiking, camping, or just happen to be in a large remote wooded area, expect some wild sex happening between these two. he just really enjoys pushing his limits and boundaries through sex for the purposes of showcasing the emotions he is unable to communicate normally, which is why he often has an intense sexual drive, but he also enjoys letting go once in a while, being taken cared of, and feeling loved by engel. könig really bonds well when he has this outlet where his emotions, something he constantly suppresses, can be catered, and very often is his emotions expressed dominantly, whether as a hard dom or soft one, it’s mainly about control and acceptance for him.

something könig would slightly be ashamed of though, is receiving open comfort and affection. his upbringing is super fucked and his lack of affection and love as a child definitely shaped himself as a very undeserving man of any of that, although he craves it immensely. so, as contradictory as it is, while he loves giving devotion and intimacy for selfish reasons, he does have trouble accepting genuine love and warmth for himself. it’s something that takes time for him to recognize that he needs and accepts, especially with the right person. so, yes, he’s very hesitant of these instances, but by god, does engel make it so much easier for him. it’s no wonder he’s so indulgent with her and why he’s constantly pushing her limits, it is not because he’s consciously choosing to do the most insane shit but rather, he doesn’t realize it and it’s inappropriateness. i think if engel were to teach him how to properly love and care more respectfully and appropriately, you know something he wasn’t taught as a child, i think he would be a bit more mentally stable in his behavior. however, i do not think she will, it’s because of his dangerous behavior that drew her in the first place and his toxic, overwhelming personality that solidified her place in their relationship, so there’s no way she’s getting rid of könig’s obsessive, possessive, dominant traits that practically has made him into a sex god, but she will suggest therapy from time to time if he continues to exhibit insecure-like behaviors and especially when he’s going through ptsd episodes. i’m pretty sure he has both ptsd and c-ptsd, and to top that off, personality disorders, and mood disorders, soooo…

last but not least, and this one is purely self-indulgent on my end, he is a serial spender for his engel. dude makes an absurd amount of money for what does, and has no reason to use it… until engel walked into the picture. even since then, könig will buy anything for engel and help her splurge to keep her happy, comfortable, and away from society. this man will get her all the material items that she wants, clothes, a big new house, lots of land, entertainment, all the foods that she wants. want a dog and/or cat? sure! he’ll even supply her with weed if she’s that type of girl, but anything to keep her sane and occupied, he is willing to buy, just nothing too illegal, and definitely no vacation spots, dude is way too paranoid to travel and is not willing to risk it.

IM AM SO SORRY THAT THIS WAS SO LONG 😭😭

These were just pure gold, *chef’s kiss* exquisite!! Every single sentence is perfection. So well thought out, and so well put! I don't even have the words to express how incredible this is (and I call myself a writer lol). Seriously, thank you again!! 💖

Also I want to participate (teacher teacher lemme participate please) by adding a few things:

The first one I wholly agree with, but I also believe König might have a little teeny tiny kink for watching how his innocent Engel brushes her fingertips down the barrel of his huge shotgun or holds one of his biggest knives in her *cute* little hands... The contrast between a woman’s softness and a massive, cold, brutal weapon drives this man crazy.

To indulge in his dark fantasies, he might allow Engel to come to the range with him once or twice. I imagine König getting off on showing a “fragile woman” how to handle and shoot a rifle 🙄 He thinks it’s both horrifying and drugging to see how her smaller body tries to absorb the recoil from his guns. Soon enough he’s like “Ok that’s enough” but not before he has enjoyed that peculiar scene a while longer.

And the fourth oh god. Gave me butterflies. He's shameless. I just know that König sleeps naked. Guy associates nighttime with masturbation – and nowadays, sex with his Engel – so off with his clothes, and off with hers, too. König also gives me semi-somno vibes: he would try to wake Engel up with his dick if he can't sleep. (Give me attention and love and provide me with a distraction from my anxiety! Now...!)

The sixth: yes, I don’t see things getting any "better" as in them suddenly calming the fuck down and learning healthy ways to live and love. They are too enamored with their dark side and as you said, I don't know if Engel would be that fascinated with König if he suddenly developed a conscience and healthy ways to cope with his trauma(s). Their escapades resemble a shared psychosis sometimes, but with time and patience this couple will perhaps find true love and relief together – something bigger and better, a way out of the spiral. They learn to dance on the knife’s edge, so to say. They might even start to behave 🩷

And the last one: YES he would spoil her to bits! One of the reasons for this is that König feels guilty. He doesn't know how to show love and devotion through emotional intimacy so he will try to show it through spending money on her. So yes to all of this.

I see Engel wishing for a pet to keep her company while he's away on longer missions. And König is so thick-skulled he wouldn't even bother to ask what type of pet she wants or if she has allergies, he just shows up with a cat one day like: "Hier. I brought this to you. Do you like my gift? I will bring you a different pet if you don't like this one. 🤨"

(And omg the image of Engel smoking a fat one or using a cute little bong on their porch, perhaps chilling out with that cat and giggling when König comes home... ^^)

Thank you so much for bringing these to us! Tbh I never wanted this essay to end 🩷😭 You're amazing I hope you know that!!

[literaticat]

You sort of answered this for someone else that wanted to break it off with their agent, but I’m wondering if you could help me because I don’t think I want to break it off. My agent is historically very slow to respond to my work and even regular emails. It makes me feel like I’m not important and like it’s delaying any success I may have. How do I have this conversation with them? They have had health issues recently so I don’t want to make it seem like I’m being cruel about that (these slow issues have been going on for years). I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a whiny toddler begging for attention.

I have a bunch of different random thoughts so, sorry if this isn't coherent, I'm trying, I'm conflicted, I'm cobbling this one together!

-- You say that this slowness has been going on for years, so it's not about their recent health issues -- this is their communication style. A tiger might do any number of things, but it doesn't change its stripes, even if you ask it nicely.

-- So if you know a tiger doesn't change its stripes, and you want to stick with this tiger, you are going to have to figure out a way to be comfortable working within this tiger's framework to some extent.

-- The good news is, since this is just their communication style, it's highly unlikely that THEY feel you are "unimportant" -- that is a feeling YOU are bringing to the table, so part of dealing with this will be to change your mindset. (In other words, they aren't being slow AT YOU -- they are just being slow because they are slow! It's not about you at all! AND, all of publishing is often painfully slow -- and that is ALSO not about you! So perhaps knowing that and setting your expectations accordingly will help?)

-- I do think it's important to have a conversation with them, because they can't POSSIBLY try a different approach if they don't know there is a problem, and if you never bring it up, this will fester.

-- Just a nice conversation between colleagues. Not a fight or a bash-fest. You won't be accusing them of anything or being cruel -- and if you don't whine or beg for attention, you won't sound like a whiny toddler begging for attention!

-- I'd approach it by telling them, frankly, the problem, and see if there's a way to find a solution that will be both simple enough for them to potentially implement without doing a whole personality overhaul and that will make you feel more comfortable. "Hey, I know how swamped you are. Sometimes, though, when it takes a long time for you to respond, it makes my paranoia go into overdrive -- it would help a lot if you could acknowledge receipt or give me an ETA, even if you know you won't get a real answer right away." Or "I appreciate that you are busy and I feel bad hounding you, but I also don't want things to slip through the cracks -- at what point would you be OK with a nudge?"

(Or something! Point being, you aren't saying "GIVE ME MORE ATTENTION" or "I'M MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OTHER CLIENT OR YOUR HEALTH" -- you are saying, hey, *I feel* paranoid/anxious/whatever -- and I get that you and all of publishing are generally on the slow side -- are there simple steps we can take on communicating together so that I don't descend into madness? If you know that they got the message, and you know you can nudge, maybe that will go a long way toward helping you feel less terrible!)

-- See how that goes! If you feel good about the convo, and you start to feel better about how its going, fantastic, job well done! IF you don't... well, the next step might be shopping for a new tiger.

[mk-writes-stuff]

OC Interaction Game

Rules: post the OCs of the people who tagged you and one of your OCs and say how yours would interact with theirs

Thank you @kaylinalexanderbooks and @mysticstarlightduck for the tags!

Kaylin’s OC: Lexi is a middle school girl (12-13 in the first book) who's popular, talkative and energetic. She has more acquaintances than she can keep up with (but don't tell her that!!! They're all her close friends who she must hang out with and support!!), and a close circle of companions she may hold on a little too tight to. Metaphorically, as her haphephobia prevents her from wanting physical contact. She has a mini backyard garden and indulges in nerdy pop culture, at first for her sister, then she found out she liked it. Lexi is very organized - she has a color-coded schedule she Will Follow No Matter What and her high anxiety will flare up if things become unexpected. She also has teleportation powers.

Duck’s OC (I’m only doing one, I hope that’s okay :)): Nimwen is an 18 year old girl who has spent most of her life (since she was 8) travelling through the uncharted forests of a region popularly called "the wilds", with her adoptive brother Scarlet and their little band of misfits. They live on the outskirts of society, since their kingdom has been so dilligently outcasting them, but they don't seem to mind it. All in all, Nimwen is an awkward, overly anxious, often paranoid but incredibly sweet girl, though she rarely lets strangers get too close to her. She embodies the energy of a skittish deer that will bolt at the nearest sign of danger, even if its a false alarm, though she has very good reasons to be that way - her father was wrongfully executed for treason, and the people of the kingdom didn't exactly give her much reason to trust them after what they did, so yeah. She's very in touch with nature and other people's feelings though she somehow seems very much oblivious to her own. She prefers to avoid confrontation, and will only fight if that's the absolute last resort in a life or death situation. She loves very deeply and makes strong bonds once you get to know her properly.

My OC: Belladonna is a noblewoman in her early 20s of a space station floating in the void. She has recently been betrothed to a man she hates and informed that she is going to be replaced as the heir by a new younger sibling she will have soon. Belladonna is a highly anxious, neurotic young woman who holds herself and others whose appearances reflect on her own to an impossibly high standard and punishes herself (primarily via not eating, as she has severe anorexia) whenever these standards aren’t met. She has a kind heart and a clever, incisive mind behind all of her struggles, but years of abuse from her parents have driven her to disbelieve her own value and skills.

How Belladonna and Lexi would interact: Belladonna doesn’t have much experience with kids but I think she’d find Lexi rather endearing. Belladonna is a very lonely woman, so even though Lexi’s a lot younger than her, the excitable company would be very welcome. She’d also appreciate Lexi’s strict organization and coordination and I think they’d bond over the anxiety. The pop culture references and gardening stuff would go over Belladonna’s head but she’d be polite about it, and she’d think the teleportation was very cool although she’d be worried about how a child so young had magic. Overall I think they’d get along shockingly well, with Belladonna being a very neurotic cool older sister type.

How Belladonna and Nimwen would interact: I think they could become friends but it would take a while of them being in close proximity for it to stick. Nimwen feels like she would be very scared of Belladonna, and Belladonna wouldn’t know how to bridge that gap. But I think if circumstances pushed them to spend enough time together that they saw past each other’s exteriors, they could get along pretty well. Belladonna would understand her awkward discomfort and anxiety and might try to help her out, although her understanding of social skills is very limited to her environment. They both have kind hearts, though, and while I think Nimwen would struggle with Belladonna’s prickly exterior at first, I think they’d find they have a lot more in common than either of them expected.

@illarian-rambling @elsie-writes @somethingclevermahogony would y’all like to play?

[lesbiansanemi]

I maybe potentially (most likely) have covid but my job is being so fucking cagey about if I’m going to be on the receiving end of disciplinary action for not coming in because of it. I have multiple symptoms of it and was in close contact for an extended period of time with two people who have tested positive for it. I went to get an official test from an urgent care place (because I was told I need proof for my job), and was told it would be up to 48 hours until I get results and until then I needed to self isolate and then obviously continue if the test is positive. They wrote me a note saying to excuse me from my job which I emailed to them. But they keep emailing me like “well the cdc says isolation is no longer necessary so…. If you don’t have a fever you’re supposed to come in” and now I’m so paranoid that I’m going to get write ups for not coming in despite having a literal doctor’s note telling me not to because all covid protections have been so thoroughly axed and it’s treated like any “normal” illness (though this shouldn’t be okay for ANY illness, not just covid) and if you don’t have sick time (which most places don’t supply at all, or if they do, it’s a dismal amount) you have to come in or experience the consequences and I’m just 🙃🙃🙃 so anxious about it and also I fucking hate this country for putting MILLIONS of people in this position where they have to choose between not going work but risking being fired and losing their livelihoods which leads to SO many risks if you have no safety net (and most people don’t) OR going in because you just don’t have a choice but you’re miserable and actively spreading highly infectious diseases to multiple other people. I truly don’t understand how there are people who look at this system and act like it’s fine

[rain-fluff]

Journal Twelve: Changing Seasons and Changing Vibes

I don’t want this blog to be left forgotten so I’m going to try my best to update and journal every now and again. June has come and I was invited to be apart of a surprise birthday gathering on the 15th. I honestly didn’t expect it to turn out so pleasant. I kind of forgot what it was like to just surround yourself with loved ones like that; the way that everyone was all smiles and reminiscing about past memories our just discussing about how people fared with work or classes. I wasn’t relatively close with the circle so the invite itself was a surprise to me. I was pretty anxious and had my walls up but a good chunk of them we’re really friendly, making sure that I didn’t feel too left out in conversations and trying to get to know me. Albeit the questions did sound like interview questions but it overall felt pleasant.

In a way, I also felt envious. It really made me miss my friends. Obviously as life goes on, our priorities of adulthood get in the way of maintaining contact. But I still miss the comfort that past circles have given me. It’s not really as comfortable as the current ones I’m getting into contact these days. Like I try to convince myself that these people are in fact good people but there’s just something in my lizard brain that subconsciously tells me that I should keep my armor up, I guess. People telling you that they’re hopeful that you could stick around more; a sweet sentiment but I know I have unresolved abandonment issues that’s making me waver with my choices. Man I sound edgy but that’s just how I feel. What’s the point on journaling if I don’t sound the slightest bit cringey, to be honest.

I am also four weeks into my internship as I’m writing this. In all honesty, I thought it would be super scary and strict but most have been pretty welcoming. Maybe a teeny bit too welcoming (I’m too paranoid bare with me it’s my blog). Also duh I forgot to bring up my birthday. I’m officially 25 and I’m still dead inside lol. I wonder if I officially entered that stage of adulthood where I just don’t care about my birthday like I used to. Or maybe I’m subconsciously deflecting because I do in fact care about my birthday a lot. I think I’ve been using the word subconsciously too many times for this journal entry. Anyways, I finally got my hands on Princess Peach Showtime and there’s something about the game that heals my inner child. I highly recommend it if you’re someone who grew up playing girly dress up games for the PS2. I’m only two stages in but I appreciate how “girly” it feels? Like I’m so used to “non-girly” games and I haven’t really played one in so long. I think the last time I played a game like that was Winx Club on a PS2 emulator a few years back. I also would really love to get Fashion Dreamer too but have said that it’s not really worth buying it at full-price. I’m hoping to snag a really cheap secondhand copy one of these days.

I’ve also started listening to Chappell Roan. I’ve never been so infatuated with a woman’s rawness and I adore how she expresses herself both musically and visually. Pink Pony Club struck a really personal chord with me, the urge to expand on your escapism where you can just be free from societal expectations. I think I’ve been putting it on repeat a bit too much lately. A friend recommended to me Naked in Manhattan and I’m equally as obsessed. There’s something about the way she styles herself that inspires me to play around with makeup again. I haven’t really experimented with makeup looks in a while but I should really get into it again when I feel a bit better. Speaking of musicians, Atarashi Gakko is also performed at Zepp last weekend. I’d love to go but alas what remained in my bank account was abysmal. I need to start putting more money into my savings. Toodles.

Extra update: I forgot to mention that the team I'm in surprised me with some food and teeny eepy figure of Anya. She's so cute I'm gonna cherish her forever!! It was only my third week in and they surprised me with such a thoughtful gift. I might miss this place when I have to leave even though I'm not super close with anyone in particular. Okay, toodles for real now.

-rain

[painonthebrain]

I’m gonna be honest watching everything with @/emmettworld go down is just kinda sad and also makes me. Conflicted?

Idk proship vs anti shit below cut im just . I probably shouldnt be writing anything rn bc my brain isn’t functioning for. Some fucking reason but whatever i do what i want

Like I don’t define myself as proship bc I think the whole pro vs anti thing is like. Ugh I can’t find the words. Idk it’s like.

Like I don’t want to call myself proship because. I have so many friends who will tear me apart for that and itll ruin our relationships and I love them and also I hate like. Having to attribute myself to a “side” but like. I’m completely fine with everything fictional. Yes. I don’t care, as long as it’s properly tagged, warned, etc.

Also I ship stuff like selfcest and clonecest so. Idk I don’t think antis do that.

And anti culture reeks of ew ew ew this (fiction) is gross! It shouldn’t exist AT ALL! And proship culture reeks of oh my god these stupid baby minors this is FICTION. DUH. Youre all beneath me

Anyway I know theres at least one moot i i can think of who has proship dni in their intro and like... if ur reading this. hi. I dont call myself proship but i certainly have some of the beliefs which is why i interact but if you’re uncomfortable u can totally block me like. Im not doing this to be some shady imposter who lurks in the dark i just dont label myself as any of this shit!!

im like. Lowkey terrified of how people are going to react to this post bc im HORRIBLE at using my words rn but like.

Like i just want people to make whatever tf they want to make! It shouldn’t be a person’s problem to “sanitize” themselves! And also fictional characters are quite literally made up people we create to do whatever the fuck we want to them! But also it’s important (in my opinion) to be at least a little critical of what you make. But also you shouldn’t have to file down your expression. But alsO-

Like there are so many factors to well. Factor in when it comes to fiction! And i try so hard to develop my media literacy (even with my underdeveloped baby frontal lobe) every day but even so these topics can be hard to navigate

Anyway yeah no conclusion paragraph because as you can probably tell from my writing. I have no idea what im saying i just feel the need to say something

Idk i just feel like a neurotic prey animal right now like im like.

Ok ok time to get personal guys

I have like MAJOR irrational fears that i am a horrible person like. Almost constantly and pro vs anti discourse makes that shit go fucking WILD. anyway. Yeah i have like this almost fanatic paranoid fear that no matter how hard i try i am a Bad Person and that im like. Metaphorically rotting from the inside and eventually i will expose it to everyone that i am Bad and Awful and Nasty and that even then when everything goes bad ill be completely unaware of my own inherent corruptness and that i will eventually hurt people or whoever i have the capacity to hurt and that things are doomed to fail for me because im such an abhorrent person

Anyway yeah those thoughts are obviously NONSENSICAL because… what??? The fuck????

But then my brain is like ooh yeah lets introduce some fucked up thoughts in here. Intrusive thoughts, if you will. Which all span many nasty awful things that are usually highly morally corrupt and wow I wonder if that ties into all that i said before? Yep it probably does!

Which makes me anxious as hell because then im also convincing myself that those thoughts are real and are my own thoughts and wants. Which FUCKS ME UPPP

So anyway that’s why I don’t label myself as pro or anti because proship makes me feel like im a horrible person who will hurt people and is disgusting and awful (also the intrusive thoughts) and the anti label goes against my very strong beliefs of freedom of creation and expression etc.

Yay rant vent brain barf over!!!!

[kookieswan]

Also, another one for spooky nights, I kinda have a strange sixth sense. This, I REALLY want to believe it to be just a mere coincidence. So.. since I was a kid I kinda sensed if in a room or house there's a strange spooky presence. Back at that time I thought I was just paranoid (mind you I was 7y/o) and a coward. My grandparents (dad side) had a vacation house and everytime we stayed there my nerves where on haywire. I couldn't stay alone in a room for more than 2 mins because I felt watched, I couldn't even go to the bathroom without panicking and let's not talk about bath time. Well guess what? I discovered when I was 14/15 that in that house there was something going on. Never had a robbery even though the neighbors were robbed frequently, and my uncles also kinda felt things especially during moving time because they had sold the house. Similar episodes in my cousin's, in the bathroom and the corridor where they have a mirror my aunt uses. Always got the chills and I can never look in the mirror there. Turns out I was not paranoid. So yeah, I apparently have a sixth sense for these kinda things😅

~🎶

If you REALLY want it to be a coincidence, then I think the sixth sense thing can kind of be explained by humans natural habit of being paranoid as fuck. I don’t know about other people but since I’m highly anxious, a lot of things have me on edge 👀

There’s an old barn somewhat close to where I live and I have to drive by it every time I go to work. I’m convinced there’s some spooky shit going on around there, especially because I seen creepy shit in the surrounding wooded area. Does that mean there’s something actually wrong with it? Nah, but you never know!

[harryforvogue]

Hey bestie it’s me again!! So since I loved ouabh I was wondering if you have any other book recs for me! (Bc now I trust you with my life in terms of books!!) doesn’t have to be fantasy either I’m good with whatever :)

HI OMG YAY!

so i recently read "gods behaving badly" by marie phillips which was so funny and entertaining. i really enjoyed it. it's about greek gods and goddesses in the modern era. has literally every "big" deity so it's great to see everyone together. it's also a super quick read.

if you want a romance series, i HIGHLY recommend "the league of extraordinary women" by evie dunmore. it is SO underrated and historically accurate and FEMINIST-Y!!!! plus all the male love interests are CHEF'S kiss and i believe the next one is gonna be middle eastern / north african? idk but he calls the female love interest habibi so....... i literally talk about this series all the time it's so GOOD. and you can read it out of order. the 3rd book is my fave because i can't resist a hades&persephone inspired story.

i'm currently reading several books because i have no self control. i'm reading hester by laurie lico albanese which is the story of how nathaniel hawthorne was inspired to write the scarlet letter. it's cute. nathaniel is cute. it IS a little slow though, but very interesting. it's got witch trails and some romance.

i'm also reading these infinite threads which is the second book in the this woven kingdom series by tahereh mafi. no complains there.

and finally, i'm reading abby jimenez's yours truly which just came out this week and so far it's been pretty good! i like jacob. he's like if alex nilsen from people we meet on vacation was mixed with my character faye. so.... super anxious and paranoid. super relatable!

hope that helps!!!!!!! lmk if you end up reading any of these!

[funkymbtifiction]

I moved to a dangerous area of a city for school, and during the school year when most of my activities were on-campus, faced very few problems going about my day. However I recently moved off-campus and have been taking public transport more often, and it feels like I’ve been encountering more situations that stress me out than usual. Anyway, I’ve been lucky enough so far to not have had any “real” bad outcomes as a result of this (haven’t been robbed or had harassment beyond street comments,) but it’s taking a toll on my general anxiousness levels. I feel jealous of my roommates for not having had stuff like this happen to them yet while I’ve had scary encounters like 4 times in the past few weeks, which makes me wonder if I’m just being paranoid compared to them. I’m a generally more anxious person than most people, and sometimes I have episodes where I get really jumpy for a while or feel deeply unsettled, like someone could be following me or jump me in my apartment (not to the point where it feels real, more like “this would really suck.”) I’m also a six, so my gut reaction to people trying to get my attention is highly reactive and fearful. I’m a bit worried that my naturally anxious demeanor is making me more of a target than otherwise, but I’m not sure how to change that. While I think there are legitimate reasons to me to feel anxious, I don’t get anything out of being more stressed all the time. So do you have advice for dealing with the general anxiety/unfairness of the situation, and maybe encountering less of it? Or on appearing less vulnerable in public?

Regarding safety -- it's important to look confident even if you are not, to glance at people as you pass them (make brief eye contact, so you are telling them that you see them / are aware of them being there), and to seem like you know what you are doing (a confident stride, not hesitant movements or sidelong glances). If you are really concerned about being attacked, make it hard for them (no ponytails or anything they could grab, and arm yourself with protection of some sort that is legal where you live -- like pepper spray or a taser). Minimize being out after hours as much as you can, find people to walk home with and/or go to the bus stop with, and don't listen to music on your headphones or look at your phone. Distracted people are easier targets. Look around, be aware, and become aware of what is 'normal' for each environment (which people are always there, and what are they doing; who else is traveling at the same time you are). You should also brush up on self-defense to feel more confident (youtube has videos, or you could even take a class). There are lots of articles, videos, etc., from ex-cops/marines that will help you.

As for dealing with generalized anxiety -- it's understandable that if you feel vulnerable and are having to navigate a stressful situation, you will be more on edge, more emotional, and more easily triggered into being anxious about people trying to get your attention. You could try meditation at home and breathing techniques to calm yourself down. Learn how to be more in your body, and less in your head -- that's the only way for a 6 to feel more connected to the earth, by being aware of how they are breathing and how their body is reacting and how their feet are hitting the pavement. It's also good for a 6 to talk about their fears with other people they trust, or to just vent about it to someone who can reassure them or help them come up with a solution. Do your close friends know that you feel unsafe on your way to school? Could any of them carpool with you? Would any of them have ideas about how to feel safer or feel more calm?

I would say it might be helpful to assume that most people are just on their way to work/school, and like you, want to get there. Most people don't have evil intentions toward you, which means you don't have to be scared of every person you meet. Humans are very good at being intuitive in dangerous situations -- you can trust your body and your mind and your instincts to tell you when something is off or when someone seems "not right." Your mind and body is processing body language and information that you are not consciously aware of. There are also places that attract more trouble than others, and if they make you uncomfortable, don't go there anymore if you can avoid it. Get familiar with your route and the people you usually see along it and that will help you feel a little more oriented, and aware of what is normal for that route. The more familiar with it you are, the less anxiety you will have about it. It will just take time.

You can also be consciously aware of your negative thinking, and choose whether to give in to those thoughts or not. Like, "Is that person watching me?" -- well, are they, or are they doing the same thing I am doing, which is glancing around to see who is doing what? If someone is trying to get your attention -- why? Is it just to hit on you or is it because you're about to step into the bike lane?

Lastly if this is REALLY stressing you, is there any way you can move back on campus, or move closer and carpool? And since it's hard to be objective about whether something is scary or not (is this me overreacting or is this legitimately something to worry about?), ask your friends for input -- describe the scary situation to them, and ask them if that would unnerve them. Sometimes talking about it makes it seem less intimidating, and other times, it clearly shows you that this situation was NOT okay and should be seen as a warning flag.

I hope you can stay safe and find ways to feel less endangered.

[tssidesfics]

TSSides Anti-Fairytale AU

I’m not coming for fairytales. They have their place, but as an aromantic person...I do not feel seen. And then I decided to re-watch Enchanted (pirated, of course, because fuck Disney). And then this idea happened. 

Patton was a child-king who married his best friend when forced to, and then she died in childbirth. He’s given Roman everything he could, but he’s lived his life dictated by the advisors who’ve used him as a puppet king his whole rule. He’s miserable because he doesn’t like how the system functions but he thinks he’s chained to tradition.

Roman copes with his complicated relationship with his father by questing and almost dying, like, every other week. Anxious attachment for days. Boy keeps trying very hard to find a princess and can’t seem to figure out why nothing will stick. To which Patton goes “oh. He got it from me. Oops.”

All I know is Remus is aromantic and aplatonic and exactly as chaotic as he should be.

Roman’s birthday. Ball. The classic. He greets all the noble families and he’s seen those losers a bunch before, but this time, he meets a new “girl” with a family he usually hates who intrigues him. He is not a girl and I will not be misgendering him because ew, but, gist: Virgil, transphobic rich parents forcing him to conform to gender roles, absolutely miserable, in Peak Bitch (gender-neutral) form. Roman mistakenly believes he’s cured and talks Virgil up a lot. Convinces himself he’s fallen madly in love.

Problem is, he tells Patton, who’s shocked he found a “girl” but absolutely is on-board, and then goes to the family to ask for Virgil’s hand and there’s no Virgil.

Thus begins the Mulan ripoff but openly trans where Virgil poses as a boy servant at the castle because his parents can’t get into the castle willy-nilly and it’s the safest place to be. Absolutely loathes Roman’s very existence because that dumb bitch flirted with him while he was a girl and therefore VIrgil thinks he is The WorstTM. Then Roman catches him grouching about and decides to solve this by teaching him sword-play, mostly to give him the excuse to beat on a dummy with a sword-shaped stick. 

Meanwhile Roman is just le sigh I did it again. I connected more with a boy than a girl. Why did she have to run away? Now I’m doomed to be weird.

Well then assassins break into the castle and Ever-Paranoid Virgil immediately susses them out as bad news and uses the remnants of the ball to absolutely wreck them when they try to kill Roman and his father while they’re taking a rare opportunity to chat and bond. Patton decides he is Adopting This Child, fuck you, advisors, he’s as thin as a stick, and Virgil now gets to eat with the royal family. 

It’s the first time Patton has ever actually told his advisors to go fuck themselves. It’s the first step toward a positive turnaround and it happened because Patton’s dad instincts took over and nothing in the world is more valid than that, fight me.

Enter genderqueer icon morally neutral witch, Janus, all pronouns, who’s trying to topple the monarchy to enact lasting change and didn’t want to dirty her hands right away, but honestly people are so unreliable. So he gets onto Patton’s crew as a handmaiden and excuse you who gave the king permission to be actually endearing?

Roman feels slightly weird because Patton’s calling Virgil “kiddo” and he’s not calling him his son but he also treats him very similarly as he does to Roman and Remus, which isn’t great but is significantly better than it could be, but Roman’s got a crush. 

Then Janus finds out Virgil’s trans and reveals this. Virgil thinks he’s about to get blackmailed into murdering the only people who have ever cared about him and then Janus just rolls their eyes like “excuse you I’m evil not psychopathic. I can give you a potion to make your body reflect your mind. You in?”

“Great, so my only cure to stop feeling like frozen trash reheated in a forest fire is to accept the highly dangerous bribe of a definitely evil witch! Thanks! I hate it!”

Yes Virgil memes even in a fantasy world where Tumblr doesn’t exist.

Also Virgil and Roman are bonding. A lot. They’re getting very close and Virgil even lets slip that he loves Roman and then tries to fling himself out a window. Roman gets touched, stops him, and tries to kiss him, but Virgil leans away. Roman expresses confusion.

“I...I love you, but I don’t want to kiss you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either. But I’ve...never wanted to kiss anyone. For any reason.”

“But...you still love me?”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

Roman...doesn’t feel as rejected as he thinks he maybe should? Honestly, it’s not totally a relief, but it’s just kinda...neutral. It’s not even a disappointment. 

Well, Janus is not evil and actually wants to run a kingdom (instating a committee mixed of educated rich fucks and working class receiving education) a whole lot more than Patton, who thinks she’s just...kinda awesome and very misunderstood. There’s a lot of hissing and grumbling that they’re not misunderstood, they’re evil, they don’t even have a tragic backstory, they just kill people to enact the change they want to see, just because they got ditched in a forest as a baby and was raised by a magic snake means nothing. The snake was a very loving and supportive parent.

Roman talks to Patton and Patton is like “fuck marriage rules. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck my advisors. My kingdom is a haven for the gays. All the gays. Of every color. Come here and be merry and queer.”

Virgil’s just like “yo no reason but in this new world where it’s okay to love whatever gender is it maybe cool to be a boy when the world says you’re a girl?”

Janus draws a knife and glares at Patton and Patton’s just like “even if my partner wasn’t threatening to kill me I’d say it was fine why?”

“No reason.”

“Virgil.”

“What?”

“Is there something you want to share?”

“No.”

“Is there something you need to share?”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re being defensive again, Storm Grouch.”

Virgil sticks his tongue out. “Fine. People used to think I was a girl and I have a stupid body. Happy?”

And Patton learns from Janus the fine art of Validating The Fuck Out Of Gender.

The advisors stage a coop and lock Janus in an anti-magic cage, and then at the same time Virgil’s biological nightmares track him down and steal a spelled green apple from Janus’ shop they give Virgil. You know the drill. Deep sleep like death, yadda yadda.

Well, they immediately claim the body making a big dramatic deal about how they have to bury “her” and they’ll take “her” home to see her off and it’s so tragic, just as they were reunited, when the reality is they have the antidote back home, they’re just looking for control over his life again.

Except Roman goes off. “He is staying here where he--where he will be buried under the name Virgil dressed properly and if you came anywhere near his body I’ll kill you myself.”

Guess what constitutes a totally platonic, non-kiss related act of queerplatonic true love, bitch? Fighting your transphobic partner’s parents over their dead body.

Kingdom’s retaken, sweeping reform while Patton retires to be a stay at home dad to fix his relationship with his kids. Virgil gets formerly adopted. The stepparent is actually a morally neutral genderqueer witch who runs the kingdom fairly and justly, the central love story is trans and aromantic, and my queer ass is something resembling happy.

Logan is probably one of the advisors and the only one with sense who probably starts knocking off his coworkers after the coop because they’re all deeply, deeply stupid. Remus probably spends half the story making friends with a troll he brings in to save the day in the third act.

[ogravensimp]

She is a Constantine

The one day this shitty hotel decided to have an out of order elevator', Zed cursed as she looked up to only see a beige trenchcoat coat fluttering like a flag as it raced up the far too many flights this overpriced building had installed.

"John! Aren't you just being paranoid?" Zed shouted after the man in front of her as she attempted to keep up with him, as well, also trying to get answers out of him—which is a hard enough task as it is when she actually has his attention.

They were supposed to focus on purging some low-level demons set loose when a couple of civilians somehow managed to dig up the original copy of the highly dangerous, "Grimorium Verum". Well, they managed to get the book, but they also attracted the attention of John's good ol' friend, Papa Midnite; who has been giving them quite a hard time but John managed to knock him out.

Zed believed that they did quite well against him but somehow he said something before he fell that set John running without a word back to the hotel room they rented.

"John!", she called out once again as they finally reached the floor they were staying on, but she only saw the tail of his trenchcoat as he took a sharp turn around the corner, "seriously, you are being very-"

She cut herself off when she also reached the room they were staying in, only to find the door thrown off the hinges,"-...paranoid."

John was already inside, his back to her as he worryingly looked around at the ransacked room that had been perfectly fine when they left. Zed knew it wasn't the mess that had him anxious, it was the lack of a certain half-demon whom they had left watching some pony cartoon on the now overturned couch. The show was even still playing, but not even a tuft of the girl's purplish hair to be found.

"I should have known he'd just trace the magic back here, how could I just live her alone with the one thing Papa Midnite will kill for!" While it seemed John was talking to her, Zed knew he was actually berating himself, "Fuck, if he touched even a hair on her head I swear-"

"John," Zed softly approached him, wanting to calm the magician before he jumps so far to a conclusion that she or common sense won't be able to reach him anymore, "Papa hates your guts, yes but you and I know he'll never kill a child."

"What about his goons? Midnite distracted us and sent them here and I'm sure his goons would do anything not to fail him. ", John retorted as he began to scratch his hair with enough force it's as if he actually wanted to rip it out.

"She might still be here."

John finally turned to face her and Zed could now fully see the panic on his face. To a normal person, John looked irritated at most but Zed has been around him long enough to start to see the cracks in his poker face of sarcasm, "Look around Zed! If she was here, I'd fucking sense her!"

Zed felt a bit offended at his outburst, she didn't even know John had left the grimoire here! She thought the whole reason Papa was hexing them to next week was to get it off John but this seemed to be another of Constantine's genius plans gone wrong.

Putting her hands on her hips, she stood her ground, "And who's fault is that John? How could you just leave one of the most sacred dark-magic books with a child who thinks a show on the magic of friendship is the pique of entertainment?!"

John was never one to admit he was too blame chose to fight back, "I didn't know! I'm not fucking omnipresent! That's why I put up the bloody wards!"

"And look what good those did," Zed huffed as she folded her hands, "now they have the grimoire and have done god knows what with Raven."

"um..."

"Think I don't know that Zed because newsflash, I do!"

"Well, how do you plan to fix it!"

"...actually..."

John moved towards what was left of his books on the table and picked up a piece of chalk, "I don't know, fuck, I can try to trace her magic. She has a naturally high amount of it, it'll be easy to find."

Zed followed after him, her anger now replaced with worry, "Maybe if I'm near something of her's I can get a vision, where's that teddy of her's that she's always with? The one that Nun made?"

A small pair of hands held out the purple bear in question, "here you go Zed."

Zed accepted it gratefully, "Thank you, Raven."

And then there was silence in the room.

Zed looked at the doll in her hand and then at the small face looking up at her and then back at the doll, then back at the face and this charade continued for a while till she shouted, "Raven!", causing the little girl in question to giggle.

This sound alerted John who looked up from the symbols he had already begun drawing on the floor. Before Zed could even move, John had rushed past her in a beige coloured blur and had the half-demon up in his arms in a well-deserved hugged.

"Oh my sweet blackbird, I'm so glad your ok,", John yelled while he spun Raven around and pressed warm kisses to her small cheek causing more giggles to escape Raven's throat.

This was an odd scene for Zed who was quite used to the silent little girl who hexes old ladies that try to pinch her cheek or pat her head.

In fact, the first time Raven allowed physical contact with Zed was when she held her hand in a crowded street one time, and while Zed knew it was only so the tiny demon wouldn't get lost in the much taller crowd, she still felt like some chosen saviour.

So Zed just really couldn't help the tinge of jealousy she felt knowing that John is an exception to this 'no-touch' rule whenever he pleases while she can only relish in the crumbs.

Raven must have sensed her feelings cause she turned to her and smiled— an expression Zed felt fit her angelic features more than the usual deadpan expression.

Giving a soft smile back herself, she placed a hand on the girl's soft face(which fortunately went unhexed), in a tender gesture and asked, "Rae you gave us a heart attack, where were you?"

The dark-haired girl just tilted her in confusion before replying with a simple, "the closet." and pointed in the direction of said object.

Both Zed and John looked at the small cabinet that she was implying and couldn't help but be entertained as it was such a childish yet genius choice of hiding.

But the entertainment didn't last long as they realized something would have had to cause her to go into hiding.

Setting her down on the table, John and Zed immediately began to check her pallid skin for any injuries and to their relief, there was nothing major. The only damage to her delicate skin was a bruise on her knee but that was enough for John to demand a full breakdown of what exactly happened so he can know how many bones of Midnite he needs to break.

After 10 minutes, Zed and John had the full story of what happened while Raven nibbled on a chocolate bar she rightfully earned.

"So let me get this straight, you sensed about four guys approaching here and before they arrive, you grabbed Mr Teddy here, ran into the cabinet and stayed there till you heard us arguing, and you only bruised your knee cause you bumped yourself when crawling in?" John confirmed.

"Yep."

"You should've grabbed a phone and called us or something,", Zed muttered as she rubbed a chocolate stain off the girl's chubby cheek, "what if they saw you? Next time teleport to me and John immediately, got it."

Looking down, Raven softly replied, "Yes Zed."

"Oi, lay off her," John joked as he placed a big hand on her head, lightly messing up her dark-purple locks much to Zed's annoyance cause she is the one that combs her hair out every morning but before she can complain, John sighs, "Shit, Midnite still has the Grimoire, just great."

Zed was going to sigh with him when Raven let out a sheepish, "well...", reaching for the toy that Zed had been holding onto, she wrapped her hands around it and after some muttering, a ray of purple surrounded its form and it transformed into the exact tome that John and Zed had worked so hard to find and keep safe, "...I had been practising glamour spells before the guys arrived and thought this would be a great time to test it and I guess it worked."

Her wide violet eyes looked up at them as if looking for praise and they really did want to give it to her but they were just so shocked by her to speak.

John was the first to react and a wide grin broke out on his face, "You are a Constantine!"

He relaunched his attack of hugs and kisses to Raven's temple, this time Raven acted annoyed and tried to push him away but her blooming blush and the sound of a few lamps exploding betrayed her and showed her real emotions.

Zed still only looked at the book in her hand, remembering how it had felt and weighed the exact same you'd expect a knit teddy bear too. She just couldn't wrap her head around how such a young girl was already so talented with magic that it would put some adults to shame but before she could stay on the topic the sounds of Raven's voice brought her back.

"Ew, let go of me!" She whined as she used her small hand to try and push John's face away but that would not deter him and instead, he laid a lick to her palm which only infuriated her more as the window near them cracked, "GROSS!"

Zed couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. Those two were really something. Dropping the book on the table, she went to go save her little Raven away by pulling her away before she ends up blasting John through a room— so maybe she's actually saving John.

As for her previous question, the answer was simple:

She's a Constantine.

____________________________________

"Now, what's the meaning of this?" Papa Midnite's voice was deep and loud to achieve its purpose in causing shivers to run down his lackey's spine as he held up a purple, knitted bear with different sized buttons for eyes.

One of them managed to gain some confidence and he dropped to the floor at Midnite's feet to plead for himself and his brethren, "Papa, I swear, it was definitely the book you asked for, we don't know what happened!"

Papa growled, "I know that, I'm wondering how all you managed to get tricked. Not even by Constantine himself but by a child!"

"But there was no kid there we checked everywhere, honest Papa!"

Midnite just sighed as he fell back onto his seta, rubbing the bridge between his nose as he contemplated whether to get better men or if he simply was the only one capable of doing things right around here.

As he grumbled, the purple toy in his hands caught his eyes.

He thought it was just the supernatural world being bored when he heard that the John Constantine adopted a little girl but this doll proved the rumours through.

If this child was also as terrifying as the rumours say, it was best Papa met her soon before another card to Constatine's deck is added in which he cannot compete with.

part 2 soon? probably but only cause I wanna right midnite & raven interaction

[charitydweller]

Angel Cakes

•Hunk + Reader 

•warnings: anxiety, fluff

•contains cuddles and comfort time with this gentle boi. If you’re anxious or depressed, I highly recommend reading this!

•word count: 2,154 words

BUT LOOK AT THIS GORGEOUS MAN I CANT BREATHE AHDKFHAHA

(I wanted my first fanfic I’m posting here of someone who is I feel is totally under appreciated in this fandom. He’s such a sweetheart☺️)

Also the gif doesn’t belong to me, I just found it! 

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~

You shiver in your thin jacket as you stroll through the empty hallways of the Castle of Lions. With each step you take, the click of your heels echoes and fills the void of sound that’s slowly driving you crazy.

You realize that when Voltron isn’t fighting, the castle gets to be a little too quiet.

Every sound of a machine whirring makes you flinch. Paranoid, you would stop mid-step to at least check if it was a threat or just your imagination pulling a prank on you. You would resume walking each time, but you became more tense with every passing dobosh.

You hugged your arms tight to your chest, ignoring the shivering crawling up your spine.

Maybe I should go to Hunk’s room, you thought.

You met Hunk back in your Garrison days, but your friendship only existed because Lance dared him to ask for your phone number because he didn’t think Hunk had the guts to do it.

Lance was proven wrong, and now your in space with aliens flying robotic cats to fight against an intergalactic dictatorship.

Funny how life works.

Back at the Garrison, you hung out with Hunk and Lance, later on adding Pidge to the friend group. Since Lance and Pidge were always quarreling or getting on each other’s nerves, so you and Hunk often stood in the background or tried to break the two up and create the peace again.

Due to this, the bond you both created was unavoidable.

You couldn’t help but be comforted by his welcoming, warm presence. Since you sometimes struggled with anxiety at the Garrison and missed your family dearly, his encouraging words would instantly put you at ease.

He was just a ball of fluff that instantly brought a smile to your face.

Even after being dragged into this mess of a war, he would try his best to provide comfort when you would be visibly stressed and upset. You tried your best to mask your anxiety, but Hunk knew you well and knew just how to help you.

Hunk would force you into the kitchen and help him cook, even if your cooking skills paled in comparison to his. He would occasionally play games with you: any Altean or Earth games that took your mind off things and made you laugh again.

But your personal favorite is when he would pull you into a bear hug. You would melt into the embrace, and bask in the warmth of his arms holding you.

You were no paladin of Voltron like him. You were just a simple mechanic that just knew some basic medical and fighting skills, but he still made you feel like a part of Voltron.

And, to be honest, he made you feel other things too.

Whenever he flashed you with a endearing smile, your heart skipped a beat. When his hand would land on your shoulder after checking up on you after an intense battle, your face’s color rivaled that of the Red Lion. When he complemented you, it made you either stutter out a small ‘thank you’ or completely speechless.

Picturing his round cheeks, soft black hair and even softer caramel eyes made your heart beat even harder.

At first when you felt these things, you went to Allura because you thought there was something wrong with you. It took a while for her to figure it out, since humans were still so foreign to her, but after sharing your thoughts on Hunk she quickly put the pieces together.

~~~

“You have feelings for Hunk!” She exclaimed, clapping once really loudly and making the nearby mice squeak in fright.

God bless your oblivious nature, because you responded with a “Allura, I’ve been telling you the whole time that I’m feeling weird feelings around him.”

She stopped cheering at your confusion. “Do you still not understand?”

You shake your head no, so Allura strides over to you and takes your shoulders in her hands.

“You’re in love with Hunk!”

Your brain short circuited, clearly unable to process her bizarre conclusion.

Love?!

Watching you spiral, Allura shakes you a little. “Are you still with me? Did I say something wrong?”

You open your mouth to correct her but you found yourself unable to speak.

Do I...love him?

You mind travels back in time and replays all the memories you’ve shared with Hunk. All the times he laughed with you, cried with you, fought with you, and held you.

You felt inexplicably warm, like your heart was waltzing with the sun.

You unconsciously smile.

“You might be right, Allura.”

~~~

“Hey, are you alri—“

“AAH!”

A voice startled you out of your thoughts, and you instinctively throw your arm to punch the owner of said voice in the face.

With your eyes screwed shut, you blindly aim to strike the perpetrator.

“Woah- wait, (y/n), it’s just me!”

You would recognize that voice anywhere.

Immediately shooting your eyes open and stopping your fist midair before making contact with his face, Hunk sighs in relief and takes a step back.

His brows are drawn in with concern. “Are you okay?”

You fret. “Am I okay?! I almost just punched you!”

“Your hands are shaking.” Hunk points to your hands that are holding each other tightly. I try to relax and make them stop, but still feeling spooked out I can’t seem to control it.

“W-What?” Feeling on edge, you stutter, “Uh, what are you talking about? You’re talking crazy, Hunk! Who said I’m not okay?! Y-You’re the one that’s obviously the crazy one here! You might wanna check with doctor Coran to see if you’ve bonked your head or whatever! Hehe...”

You shut your mouth tight, feeling hot with embarrassment.

I must look like an idiot. In front of my crush too! 

You internally scream.

Hunk sweat drops at your nervous breakdown: having a hard time deciding between bursting out into laughter or wrapping you up in a big hug.

He decides on neither of those, but instead takes both your shaking hands in his bigger ones. 

The unexpected gesture makes you still and listen this time.

“Wanna come to my room?” Hunk gently proposes, “I’ve got some tasty snacks and we can do whatever you want. How does that sound?”

Your cheeks are dusted a light pink, and your heart speeds at the thought of going to Hunk’s room and spending time with him. You feel like you’re on cloud 9, and without thinking you nod your head. Hunk chuckles at your cute reaction and holds one of your hands in his, leading you down the vast, ornate hallways to his room.

After walking for a moment, you both arrive at his room, and his door slides open to a rather neat living area with only a few things out of place. It looks just as cozy and homelike as before, which makes you sigh in content just being in this safe space. Hunk has you sit on his bed, then he grabs a blanket and throws the blanket over your shoulders. 

You widen your eyes at him as he sits next to you. 

“I noticed you were shivering earlier in the hallway, so I figured you were cold.” Hunk answers your unspoken question, and you melt even more at how considerate he is.

“Is there something you wanna eat?” Your sweet friend asks you, “You know that food always makes me feel better when I’m down, and I can whip something up if you want.”

You shyly shake your head. “Thank you, Hunk, but I don’t need food. I’m not hungry.”

He grabs his chin in thought. “Hmm...do you wanna play some Altean games?”

“I don’t think I’m in the mood for games right now.” You admit, snuggling further into the blanket that smells like cinnamon rolls.

He tilts his head to the side and gives you an adorable puzzled look. “Oh, okay then! Well, is there anything else that will help you calm down?”

Cuddles, you immediately think.

You spin to face him and blush hard.

No, you reason with yourself, that would be too much to ask for. Is that even something friends do?

As your thoughts run wild, you eyes glance to every part of the room except for him. 

Taking notice of your awkward reaction to his question, he places his hand on your head so that you would look at him. It works, and you gape at him because he’s never done that with you before.

But it feels...nice.

“You can tell me. All I wanna do is help you.”

You can tell that his voice is full of sincerity, and you can’t possibly refuse after witnessing him flash you the biggest smile of the century.

You open your mouth, then close it. You open your mouth to try again but hesitate for a second.

Just bite the bullet and ask him! It’s not like your confessing to him! All your doing is ask for some cuddles, that’s it! Your mind begs you.

But you blurt it all out.

“I LIKE YOU AND I THINK CUDDLES WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!”

Hunk stares at you in shock: eyes wide and jaw on the floor.

Your heart stops and your face burns a bright red.

Did--Did I just say that out loud!!

Feeling the life getting sucked out of you at the sheer horror of confessing your feelings for Hunk by yelling at him, you just wordlessly stand up and slowly shrug off the blanket and shakily fold it. After placing it on the bed with an unmistakable trembling, you avoid him by turning your back to him to leave the room with your whole body tensed up.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna throw myself into an airlock and hurl myself  into the vacuum of space.” 

You eerily proclaim this, only partially sarcastic since you wanted to be swallowed by a hole and forgotten by the universe.

Before you get the chance to take a step towards the door, arms quickly catch you by the waist and drag you backwards. You squeak in surprise, bracing yourself to land harshly but you hit something soft. You instinctively hold your arms tightly to your chest and curl up your body, but dare to peek through one eye to find out what just happened.

Hunk’s face is a few inches from yours, and your bodies lay so close to each other. Hunk’s arms are still rested on your hips, and that’s when you realize that he dragged you onto the bed and put you so close to him.

You both blush profusely at being in such close proximity, but Hunk takes action first and throws the orange blanket that was previously on you over the both of you now. He pulls you towards himself, and he wraps both of his bulky arms around your waist to hold you tight.

You blink, astounded that Hunk is actually cuddling you.

He rests his head on top of yours. “I...I like you too, and I would love nothing more than to cuddle you right now, angel cakes.”

“Angel cakes?” You question his nickname for you.

“Um, I like Angel Food Cake.” He admits, a little flustered, “I don’t know if you’ve ever had it, but its this soft, chewy cake that just melts in your mouth and is so sweet it takes like heaven! And that’s without the fancy frosting and all that!”

Hunk sighs in bliss. “It might be a little simple-looking in people’s eyes, but food isn’t about how presentable or how delicious-looking it is. Food needs to be good in order to win people’s heart over.”

He pulls you in for your favorite bear hug.

“And you won my heart over, angel cakes.”

You absolutely melt, falling in love with the sweet nickname he created for you. How could someone make you feel so loved and safe?

Your eyes start to droop, your exhaustion from the busy day finally catching up with you. Feeling so comfortable, you snuggle into him.

“Thank you, Hunk.” 

He hums, smiling to himself as he feels you relax in his arms. He succeeded in calming you down and he managed to confess to you too in one go! 

After silently cheering in victory, he hears your soft snores and realizes you fell asleep. He chuckles to himself and kisses your forehead with adoration, completely soaking in the glorious moment and wishing it would never end.

“After this war,” he whispers so quietly to not disturb your sleep, “I promise I’ll give you a home full of warm food and warm cuddles, if you’ll let me. Just wait for me, okay?”

Only hearing subtle snores in response, he kisses your hair and lays his head on yours again and lets himself drift off to dreamland filled with food and family, obviously with you happily smiling at him in his arms.

~~~~~~~

If you’re feeling lonely, depressed or anxious, feel free to reach out to me! Trust me when I say that reaching out to people - even if they’re strangers - is better than carrying your burdens alone. Know that you can use me as a source of encouragement if you need it. Love you guys!

[jemej3m]

Right but what if in married to the enemy non of them recognize Neil and just think of him as Andrews husband which leads to increasingly comedic Dramatic Irony(TM) scenes like Neil would be stopping by to drop something and some perp is like “hey isn’t that nath-“ *cue Andrew ‘accidentally’ shoving him* like idk I know you’re done with that fic but I just read it and I can’t stop thinking about how funny that would be

bruh

stop bringing things back from the dead yall

(FINALLY some WRITING and not just asks - im so sorry ive been starving you all)

*

“Andrew!” Detective Jeremy Knox bounced on the balls of his feet. “I’m so thrilled to have you here. Kevin Day has spoken...” his smile nearly slipped. “Highly! Of you.”

“Here’s the file,” Andrew grunted, dropping the thick yellow slip onto the detective’s desk. “You need to get rid of them before they settle in. Once they’ve grown roots you’ll never get rid of them till they decide to move again.”

“I know,” Jeremy said, voice slightly hushed. “We’ll bring justice to your Baltimore victims. This won’t be swept under the rug.”

Andrew just stared at the file. He’d worked on that ring for three years now, but they’d upped and vanished. When they’d reappeared in Captain Rhenmann’ s New York precinct, Kevin had booted him up there to get a resolution.

It also, coincidently, was the exact week Neil was due up in New York to finalise his ‘retirement’. Andrew may or may not have arranged for him to be in New York for Neil’s support whilst he finally wriggled out of the Moriyama’s grasp.

Finally, after a decade and a half together, Neil would be free. Baltimore would no longer require a Butcher to instil terror. Neil had worked hard to free their city from Ichirou Moriyama’s grasp, buying both himself and his jurisdiction out of internment.

And once Neil was free, they could finally bring down the Moriyamas. Together.

Andrew wasn’t in a rush. Slow and steady always won the race: he would bring down the criminal empire that had trapped his husband for so long and marred his skin and mind with memories of terror and injustice. And he would enjoy it.

“Would you like to have lunch with us?” Knox gestured to the two women, standing close enough to eavesdrop but pretending they weren’t. They were married, Andrew guessed. It was pretty obvious. “We were just about to head out. There’s a hidden bodega near the the station with pastrami that’s to die for.”

Andrew checked his phone. No messages from Neil, as of yet. He’d text when he was on his way back to the hotel, and there was no use in Andrew hanging around and anxious awaiting his arrival. He’d convince himself that the Moriyamas had finally put a bullet through Neil’s forehead and go rampaging.

“Fine,” he grunted, shoving the phone back into his pocket.

Detective Sunshine just beamed.

*

“Day mentioned you were married,” Alvarez said, swallowing a mouthful of sub. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

Andrew arched his eyebrow, unimpressed. She rolled her eyes.

“You’ve got him as your home screen. It’s not hard to guess. You out at your precinct?” Andrew nodded. “Yeah, so are we.”

“If we didn’t have Captain Rhenmann, I’m sure it’d be a lot more stressful.” Laila added, rubbing her wife’s shoulder. “He speaks very highly of your captain, you know. I think they worked together with the old NYPD commissioner. Kayleigh Day.”

Yes, Kevin’s mother. The one who was murdered twenty years ago. A riveting case. Still unsolved. Neil was pretty sure it was his father who’d been assigned to her removal. Not that Andrew would ever discuss this aloud.

“I heard she was one hell of a woman,” Knox added. “If her son’s anything to go off, I can see why.”

“Stop gushing about Kevin,” Alvarez chided.

“Don’t worry,” Andrew grunted. “Kevin’s undoubtedly worse.”

The three of them laughed. They ate in companionable silence, Knox and Alvarez occasionally jostling each other or gossiping about names Andrew didn’t know. It was nearing 2 o’clock in the afternoon when the detective’s phone buzzed: he leaned over, checked who it was from and immediately scrambled to pick it up.

Knox squinted at the message and shot the three of them an apologetic look. “My bad. I’ve gotta make a call. I’ll meet y’all back at the station?”

He left without an answer, phone raised to his ear.

“He’s a parole officer for a very specific case,” Alvarez explained. Laila was frowning. “A difficult one, at that.”

“Seems a little more involved than a parole officer usually is,” Andrew noted.

“Yes, well,” Laila huffed. “Jeremy likes to care.”

Andrew got a text of his own. Coming back now.

He bid the women goodbye with a salute and bought a sandwich for Neil: he was unlikely to have already fed himself, too stressed and paranoid to bother thinking about food. He always came back from New York weak and underfed.

When Andrew arrived back to their hotel room, Neil was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. His shirt was untucked and tie loosened, but he hadn’t even bothered to take his shoes off or put away the briefcase of paperwork and knives.

Andrew put the food aside for later and sat by his husband, toeing off his shoes so he could cross his legs on the bed.

When Neil didn’t talk, he leaned over and turned on the television. A random afternoon sitcom filled the room with white noise, bringing Neil out of his glacial stare. Finally, his eyes flit over to Andrew, aware but still hollow.

Andrew reached out to undo Neil’s cuffs but waited for him to deposit his wrist in Andrew’s palm. He got to work, unbuttoning the sleeves, pulling off the tie and throwing the shoes over to the door. The dress shirt was wriggled off, leaving him in just a white undershirt, and draped across the chair to be steam-ironed in the morning. Neil wormed out of his slacks, too, letting Andrew fold them and put them away.

Andrew made him a cup of decaf instant coffee and brought out the sandwich. Neil looked at both of them balefully but sat up anyway, getting through the whole coffee and only half the sandwich.

Andrew waited, sitting behind him. When he was finished he laid back down, putting his head in Andrew’s lap.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

Andrew just hummed, combing his fingers through Neil’s hair.

*

The end of the week came quickly. Andrew worked the case with Knox and eventually decided that the case would be in good hands. Every evening he’d come back to find Neil just as exhausted and spaced out and hold him together with soft hands and silent reassurance. Neil soldiered on.

Andrew didn’t know what he was negotiating, why it was taking so long or whether or not this would actually work. All he could hope for was that Neil would be a free man by the end of the week and that they could go home without worrying he’d be called back or killed.

Andrew got his answer on Friday evening. He bid the affectionately named ‘Dyke Detectives’ and their captain goodbye, knowing Knox had briefly left the building for an errand and assuming that they’d pass on his thanks.

He exited the front doors of the precinct and nearly stumbled into his husband, standing in jeans and a hoodie with a blinding grin. Andrew never forgot how gorgeous Neil was, but the ease of his posture and the genuine smile had something go soft inside his chest.

He ignored all the beat cops standing around the doors and pressed a kiss to Neil’s smile, which only had him smile more.

“It’s done,” Neil murmured, holding Andrew’s wrist. “I’m free. We’re free.’’

“Took you long enough.”

Neil shrugged. “Had to barter for Allison, too. I know Renee wants to make it official.”

“Only a decade later,” Andrew agreed. Of course Neil hadn’t been fighting tooth and nail for himself: he’d do anything for those he loved.

“Holy shit,” came an unfamiliar voice. They both turned around, spotting a willowing man standing next to Detective Knox. His pale complexion had turned translucent, all the blood draining out of his cheeks. Neil’s eyes flashed with recognition. “Nathaniel—?”

“It’s Neil,” Neil said, still smiling. “Hello, Jean. Good to see you were cleared. Did they find Riko’s actual killer?”

The man did not look any less uncomfortable. “They ruled it a suicide.”

“Ah, shame. Maybe some more evidence will come to light, later.” He offered his hand to Andrew. “Shall we?”

It would be a long drive to Baltimore but at the other end was home, two cats and freedom.

Andrew, older, wiser, calmer, happier, took Neil’s hand.

“We shall.”

*

[dads-back-from-the-store]

Yo dad, (can I call you dad?) how do I come out to my family who have been openly homophobic and transphobic in the past? I don’t want to shock them or get myself excommunicated but unfortunately it’s looking like it might play out that way. I want to come out, being closeted isn’t for me, but if I’m so worried about how it may affect others, should I even come out?

Thanks, I hope you’re having a lovely day

(For context I’m openly bisexual, which they’ve been pretending isn’t a thing, and I’ve recently started to explore my gender identity further and have started identifying as trans nb. I also love my family, even though they’re offensive and highly dysfunctional to say the least, and I’m afraid of ruining my relationship with my family members by making this part of me known)

I’ve had a really hard time with situations like these, so I’m sorry if the help I give you isnt what you’re looking for. also, yeah! you can call me that :)

you should come out, but make sure you’re absolutely ready. It’s normal to feel a bit of anxiety before coming out, but if you’re feeling scared, paranoid, sad, overwhelmed, please wait a bit.

first, some tips:

* don’t come out during an argument, the environment needs to be calm

* give your family a bit of time after coming out, because even with accepting parents it’s not common that they won’t be shocked or take a bit to come around.

- - especially with gender stuff, it may take a tiny bit for them to start using your name and pronouns but that’s entirely normal. just let them know that they need to be trying, and maybe set a certain amount of time for when they need to get their shit together. I know someone with a non-binary snephew (that’s what they call them, bc there’s no gender neutral niece/nephew) and they basically came out, then said that their family had a year to get everything together/start using their name and pronouns. u don’t have to do that though, it’s just a suggestion :)

anyways, moving on

* it may or may not be easier to separately come out to one person in your family at a time, you could come out to everyone at once but it mat be very hard to communicate with room

now some steps on how to come out:

* make sure you’re somewhat calm, even if you’re anxious keep your head high. if you feel overwhelmed or sad, wait a bit.

now

* first tell them your identity, it may cause shock/anger at first; but introducing the conversation with an explanation of your identities probably won’t peak their interest, and they’ll brush you off (you mentioned they were homophobic and transphobic)

* calm the room, explain that they need to listen to you

* explain what your identities are and what your identities mean

* explain what your sexuality means to you

ex:

(“I can’t change who I like,” “this is who I am,” “the same way you can’t choose who you’re attracted to, I can’t either,” etc

* now explain your gender identity. I put this in a different bullet point because it’s a lot more complex. I’m not sure whether you’re dysphoric or not, but every trans person experiences gender on a psychological level; so use that to your advantage. It is very helpful to compare your identity to theirs.

examples (for some reason these sound slightly aggressive so just know I’m writing them in a calm way);

“you know how besides from your body, you know you’re a (insert gender here) in your mind? I’m the same way. I know I’m non-binary, my body just doesn’t match.”

in response to “you need to love yourself for who you are”; “but you need to love me for who I am first, because I’m non-binary. im trying to love myself for who I’ve discovered I am, not for who I used to be. you need to do the same.”

“I’m not confused, I came out because I know who I am and I want you to know who I am too.”

I hope that helped!! sorry if my advice is bad or incoherent, I’m really spaced out today. but I hope have a nice day :)