#and I know most people don’t even have THAT much of a safety net

[lesbiansanemi]

I maybe potentially (most likely) have covid but my job is being so fucking cagey about if I’m going to be on the receiving end of disciplinary action for not coming in because of it. I have multiple symptoms of it and was in close contact for an extended period of time with two people who have tested positive for it. I went to get an official test from an urgent care place (because I was told I need proof for my job), and was told it would be up to 48 hours until I get results and until then I needed to self isolate and then obviously continue if the test is positive. They wrote me a note saying to excuse me from my job which I emailed to them. But they keep emailing me like “well the cdc says isolation is no longer necessary so…. If you don’t have a fever you’re supposed to come in” and now I’m so paranoid that I’m going to get write ups for not coming in despite having a literal doctor’s note telling me not to because all covid protections have been so thoroughly axed and it’s treated like any “normal” illness (though this shouldn’t be okay for ANY illness, not just covid) and if you don’t have sick time (which most places don’t supply at all, or if they do, it’s a dismal amount) you have to come in or experience the consequences and I’m just 🙃🙃🙃 so anxious about it and also I fucking hate this country for putting MILLIONS of people in this position where they have to choose between not going work but risking being fired and losing their livelihoods which leads to SO many risks if you have no safety net (and most people don’t) OR going in because you just don’t have a choice but you’re miserable and actively spreading highly infectious diseases to multiple other people. I truly don’t understand how there are people who look at this system and act like it’s fine

[itspileofgoodthings]

I spent the last week mostly crying and healing old wounds and having revelations and also facing things I already knew on a bone-deep level but also I spent the last week reading Mark van Doren’s The Noble Voice and oh my gosh he’s so right the Aeneid really falls so much shorter of the Iliad and the Odyssey because Aeneas is a stand-in for history and the Weight of Rome not actually a real person.

[pandorem]

Genuinely find it fascinating from a writing perspective that Edwin’s propensity for playing trauma olympics is a well established trait of his that plays so interestingly into his relationships with Crystal and Charles and Simon especially, and how it works in his character arc and how it both plays into and CONTRASTS his incredible capacity for forgiveness. How it’s a flaw that makes so much sense with how much he’s suffered that it’s hard not to be sympathetic towards it or even agree with him sometimes, but that it IS a flaw and comes up at times that are less fair as well. Im not sure I have a real point to this yet, it’s just something I want to chew on for a while.

for one: Edwin’s tendency to put his trauma as worse than others’ (no matter how literally correct he might be) is set up directly to parallel Crystal’s own self centered tendencies and her character arc. They BOTH have a tendency to not consider other people’s feelings and pain until someone points out to them that they are being dismissive. They are mirrors of each other and I love them so much. I also wanted to push back a bit on some things I’ve seen about how Edwin’s reaction to her yelling at him in episode one was completely justified (“what she’s been through? I spent 70 years in hell!”) because of how their traumas interact and how she let David in the first time that feel too dismissive of Crystal’s trauma. Yes, their trauma’s with demons interact in ways that it makes PERFECT SENSE that Edwin reacted the way he did, and I even sympathize with him, but something being sympathetic does not mean it’s justified. Taking away the metaphor of the Demonic nature of it all, Crystal was just cornered and threatened by her abusive ex boyfriend who has succeeded in isolating her from her entire social circle/any safety net she might have had before the boys. And uh. We don’t say about people getting out of abusive relationships that it’s justified that people were mad at them for getting into the relationship willingly. So.

Also. While Edwin’s measuring of their traumas is more sympathetic in the first episode, the moment in a later episode where Edwin (nearly lightheartedly) dismisses Crystal’s nightmare about her abusive demon ex because “the living know nothing about true nightmares” is less so, and I think is there to confirm that this is a genuine, deliberately written character flaw that he needs to grow out of, just like Crystal needs to grow.

And that brings us to Simon. The character who Edwin is THE MOST justified to be angry at, to blame and to compare their punishments. When he rages that Simon damned him to decades of being ripped apart while Simon sits quietly crying in a room, getting paper cuts from tearing pages out of books, it’s honestly difficult not to agree with him, to not feel that same righteous indignation. But then despair lays it out for him: he was about to gloat over another’s torture. And even without yet knowing more about Simon, Edwin is horrified by the idea. I think it says so much about Edwin’s GOODNESS that the time this character flaw of his feels the most justified and right is also the time he works through and past it to empathize with the pain of the real person on the other side of that. It is after he comes back, needing Simon to know that he didn’t mean to gloat, that he is then able to see Simon as a real person, as someone he shares pain with, the pain of being closeted and terrified in the 1910s. Simon was a kid, same as Edwin, who was terrified of his own nature and let that fear and humiliation lead him to cruelty that ended in consequences that he never intended. And it says so, so much about Edwin’s goodness that once he is able to see past his own pain and empathize with someone else’s, he feels for and maybe even forgives the one person that he would be most justified in NOT forgiving. That connecting with him is literally what saved Simon’s soul in the end.

(It’s also worth noting- Simon thinks that Edwin is “another trick” when he first sees him. He says that “the headmaster will be angry”. In keeping with the theme that we shouldn’t compare traumas or decide that we know what other people are going through, it seems clear to me that what we saw- sitting alone and getting paper cuts- was NOT the entirety of Simon’s hell.)

And then there’s Charles. Now. Edwin has a lot of 1910s sensibilities that make him connecting the dots on what Charles went through a bit difficult for him. But Edwin never, ever suggests that his trauma is less or isn’t worth getting upset about. Because it’s Charles, and Charles deserves no amount of pain ever, in the world. I don’t think it would ever occur to Edwin if I’m honest. Of course it’s because he loves him and Charles is his favourite person in the universe, but also I wonder at the fact that their very first meeting, so soon after Edwin had escaped hell, was one of complete empathy and compassion. Maybe seeing the bullies made him see himself in Charles but it sort of circles the point I think I’m making- Edwin’s very real flaws contrast against and thus highlight his INCREDIBLE kindness and goodness.

[circeyoru]

Maker of His Eyes = Requested

The Request

[Yandere!Sung Jinwoo x Hunter Gear Maker!Reader]

The moment things like gates, dungeons, and mana appeared, everyday people evolved to what people will now call as ‘Hunters’. From then point on, control over these powerful individuals were needed, so then came the ‘Hunter Association’ appeared, soon there were ‘Guilds’ and more other terms that people have long grown accustom to. 

What makes a Hunter? Their rank? Their class? Their power? Their wealth? Their fame? Themselves? The answer is all of the above. However, they were like unpolished stones. They—regardless of their rank—still require a safety net of sorts. Being in the Hunter business is no joke. Perhaps in the beginning, most could just punch monsters with their bare hands and throw random objects at monsters to complete the job, now when these things would return from time to time.

Protection was needed, not only that, but also equipment. Like how a firefighter would gear full gear before rushing into fire or a surgeon would don in protective suits, Hunters needed something similar. Such creations were requested and given to the brave Hunters, albeit not as effective, it was something. 

Soon came the emergence of Crafter—either an Artisan or Blacksmith—that changed the playing field.

“Who’s request are you doing now, Apprentice?” Your master, Warwick, questioned as he put away his tools on the rack nailed into the wall of the workshop. “Don’t tell me it’s for that E-Rank again. Your talents are better placed elsewhere.”

“I’ve done all the requests I got and preparations for some of yours, Sir.” You shouted over the continuous working, you paused and craned your head to eye your teacher in the art of weapon making for Hunters. “You can cut my salary if that’s what you want. I’m still making this.”

Warwick sighed and scratched the back of his head, groaning as he spoke like the grumpy man he is. “That’s not what I meant. If you’re this soft hearted, people will just take advantage of your kindness. You’re a well sought out Crafter, heck, it’s never rarer for a ‘Creator’ to be found.”

You rolled your eyes at the title again. When you awakened, you felt nothing different, but you were more perceive when it came to news and concepts about the newly emergence of Gates, the things inside, and Hunters. Nevertheless, you were evaluated. When your result came back as <Unknown>, you were sent to another room, it was there that you were tested to be an Artisan and a Blacksmith after knowing you were a Crafter. Because of your rarity, you were taken in by the Hunter Association for protection. 

Unlike an S-Rank Hunter, you were an ordinary citizen when outside on the streets or in a dungeon. You couldn’t defend yourself and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, your friend was unable to protect you as well. You honed your skills and craftsmanship, your teacher/master Warwick taking full responsibility as the best Weapon and Armour maker in Korea.

Soon, he was outmatched by your raw talent and many started to request your creations. With your wide range of work, you were later dubbed ‘Creator’, a class that set you apart from the others that where separated into Artisan or Blacksmith. Artisans craft artifacts like gears ranging from armour to jewelery, and Blacksmiths craft weapons, what the two have in common is that both could invent and create items that make use of the new elements found in dungeons.

You, however, could do all and more. While at random, you grant effects to your creations and sometimes controllable by the request given. Not only that, but you could identify the useful spoils from bad. Even going as far as to have a unique design in your head and start working. Such was your power and talent.

Now you mentioned about a friend of yours. He was a Hunter and had awakened earlier than you have, but as an E-Rank, later gaining the title that labelled him as the lowest of low. You heard whispers of association members that your friend’s mana level was worse than that of the Artisans or Blacksmith. You would bite the inside of your lower lip and leave.

Sung Jinwoo. E-Rank. The Weakest Hunter of All Mankind.

It was that one that when your friend was visiting your workshop and delivering some food for you that you snapped. It happened too abruptly. There was a Blacksmith newbie that was assigned to be watched by you and supervised by Warwick, mainly you, but the newbie loved following you around. That newbie was berating Jinwoo when you left the room momentarily, however, you returned earlier than expected and had the newbie fired by your authority. You even staked your job at the association. So of course, your request was fulfilled.

Somehow though, you managed to have missed that dark and obsessed look in his eyes in that moment you protected him. Good for him, but… Well, ignorant is bliss.

From then on, you had Jinwoo use anything of your creation to show that he was protected.

It was a day like any other, Jinwoo got up and ready for work as a Hunter. He arrived at the site, faking ignorant from the whispers and gossips of the Hunters around him when he made his appearance. He’ll admit, he was weak but there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t even afford to quit because he needed money to support his family.

Then there was you. A Hunter—he mistakenly thought—dressed too causal for a raid, you were also idly standing by and maybe observing? He made his way over to exchange greeting with you. “Hi, I’m Sung Jinwoo, E-Rank. You should change into some protective gear or bring a weapon before heading into the Gate.”

You raised a brow at him and chuckled as if you understood a joke. “Oh, no no. I’m not a Hunter. I’m just observing what Hunters use as gears and stuff. Thanks for worrying though.”

Jinwoo noticed that you seemed to have avoided the whole topic of him being an E-Rank, like you didn’t register his rank but only picked up that he was a Hunter. He found himself sheepishly laughing along, “Haha, sorry, I thought you’re a Hunter because people need authorization to be in here.”

“Oh.” Your head jerked a bit and you looked back to where a safety line was visible. You turned back to Jinwoo and spoke a bit softer. “I think I might have crossed the line… In a literal sense.” You clapped your hands and your head bowed as like a prayer. “Please don’t tell anyone or report me.” Your head raised and you stared at him in the eye, “How about this? I’ll treat you after your raid’s done. I’ll be here waiting.”

Under normal circumstances, he would refuse and decline it. Truthfully, he wouldn’t even tell anyone on you since he knew no one would care for the word of an E-Rank. Yet, he nodded with a smile, “I’ll hold you to that.”

You smiled back at him. A sight that made his heart flutter and beat faster than danger. 

Never had he looked forward to the end of a raid because of someone other than his family was waiting for him. There was you today. When the raid declared clear and the team went back to the entrance, he stayed at the back and swiftly left to where you’d be waiting. He was a bit disappointed when you were nowhere in sight, but when he walked further away from the site and pass the safety line…

You jumped on him with a scare and shocked the daylights out of him. Luckily, he wasn’t hurt much this time. You laughed for a solid minute before you wiped away your tears and smiled softly at him, “Job well done on a successful raid.”

He didn’t bring himself to say his teammates did most of the work while he was at the back doing nothing to help. He just smiled along and thanked you, getting up and asked where you’d take him. He remembered your smooth hands that grabbed his rough one as you dragged him away from his Hunter work to the pleasures he would have enjoyed. A moment in his trying times that he could relax and smile carefreely.

So started a friendship he slowly grow and twisted.

Any form of attention you give him, he ate it up like a starving stray. From time to time, you’d ask him about where he’d be raiding at and he would give you a location. You told him you purposefully target the lower ranked Gates without claim to a guild so you would be able to observe easily since security was more laxed. 

A day he drended and prayed to never come happened sooner than he’d like. He was carried out by his teammates, the healers that joined the raid that time wasn’t as skilled. Wounds all over him and he was losing blood, not to mention consciousness. You, like every other time, were standing at the site waiting for him. His blurry sight caught your panicked look and rush to him, he heard your cries and gave you a soft smile to reassure you. 

While he was laid on a stretcher, you ran off to where the loot was and grabbed a few items. The Hunters and workers around you didn’t interrupt you as they obviously saw the glowing aura around your form. When you returned, you pulled along the healer and tied what you gotten on them in some way and ordered for them to heal him again. The familiar glow surrounded him and he felt light and his body relaxed from stiffness.

Before his eyes closed and his consciousness faded, he just knew you were being pushed to be evaluated for your deeds while you tried to get to him. To be by his side instead of theirs. 

How troublesome.

Note: A bit short and dull for my liking, but hope you guys like this.

Circe Y.

My Works: MASTERLIST

[drdemonprince]

am i being stupid by refusing to invest any of my money? i just don’t find it ethical (lots of people have 0 idea what theyre actually invested in with typical low risk investments and it would actually drive me nuts to have to investigate every single thing thats on there) and i also have zero faith in the stability of the economy or the world i just literally don’t trust like that. and fear that with climate change i’m not going to have a traditional future or retirement anyway. is this incredibly stupid i’m being so genuine because i dont know

I think your ethical concerns are totally reasonable. Any investment in the stock market is pretty inherently fraught, even if you choose index funds that exclude the especially bad stocks of like firearms/military contractors/etc. Even something like a bond can be easily said to be bad, because it's a loan to the government, and most money market or high yield savings are not untainted either, because most banks themselves invest in fucked up shit like oil pipelines. The one avenue I think that would be mostly okay is a high yield savings account for a credit union, or a bank that you've researched and know doesn't invest in that kind of shady shit. I have also argued previously that it's not wrong to invest in an apartment or house -- as long as you're not landlording, vulnerable people having more secure housing and the ability to share that housing with others in their community is good and understandable. So on balance, I get where you are coming from, though I think having a financial safety net makes people less likely to have to take on unethical jobs and makes them less vulnerable to financial abuse and exploitation, which has merit ethically.

I tend to see the doomerism question a bit differently. If the US empire falls or the economy collapses, you'll either have much bigger problems than your 401k bottoming out (problems like the complete obliteration of the supply chain), OR we will be living in a financial paradigm so dramatically different and more just that you wont MIND that you dont have that money anymore. Whereas if the US economy continues to exist, you're gonna be fucked if you dont have a retirement to fall back on, so why make yourself needlessly more vulnerable by not saving? The ethical rub with this, though, is that it creates the moral hazard of rooting for the US empire and economy to never fall, and that rendering you more conservative... which is a possibility, but like, as i said, i think it's possible to have some money saved for a rainy day under capitalism while still praying for capitalism's downfall. if anything, being more financially independent makes it EASIER for me to risk unemployment & etc by doing more radical political actions and speaking my mind and saying no to things. but ymmv

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Dick Grayson ships in order of how toxic you should write them as adults in an established relationship imo (no batcest and we can discuss the harem at a later time)

Least

Dick X Wally: this is the quintessential friends to lovers story it’s adorable. Naturally a lil bit of toxicity bc nightwing is not a healthy person but still the ratio is 99% cute and 1% angst as adults. Feel free to angst away with the Robin/KF thing

Worlds where this is cute: young justice, earth prime pre Wally meeting Linda.

Dick X Kori: listen to me, if you ignore all the shitty writing (yes the babs wedding thing) they r perfect <3. The only person who I believe can be the lights light ya know. The broke up because they both took hits they couldn’t recover from but they still love each other and they’re my favorite canon pairing they should get back together and have a kid and be a cute lil family.

Worlds where this is cute: TT, Earth prime, DCAU, injustice, titans tomorrow, Lego Batman (every single earth actually)

Dick X Zatanna: cute, childhood crush turned sweethearts turned friends nothing to say here I just don’t think it would be toxic

Worlds where this is cute: young justice

Worlds where this should never happen: all the rest (she dated his dad)

Dick X Joey: I love them so I’m biased their relationship is on par with Dick and Wally taking field trips in the 80s. Also this is joeys most popular ship and that makes me laugh. BUT ANYWAY they’re just very homoerotic and I feel like they respect each other enough the toxicity would be on the lower side.

Worlds where this is cute: literally anytime before he possesses his dad’s body.

Times this is concerning: post possessing nightwings body (anyone remember that happening I just ignore it now, cuz I hate the whole evil Joey thing but if you wanna take this ship from 30% toxic to 140% write it post possession with the dude who had autonomy issues)

Dick x Kara: I just feel like the hero worship would get in the way a little bit

Worlds where this is cute: worlds finest

Worlds where this isn’t: the rest

Dick x Roy: I love them sm ur honor (despite how low I’m putting this, it’s one one my top ships) listen Dick and Roy adore each other and would die for each other, but the baggage?? The years of expectations?? The fights??? The fact that Dick gets more and more closed off when he’s mad usually but him and Roy in the same room and fists fly?? But the only people who can talk to Dick when he’s spiraling are Roy and Donna. Like ROY HARPER is one of Dick people!! You don’t understand how much I love how they can hurt each other while loving each other so so so much. They cause me pain. I don’t believe they’d ever mellow out Dick and Wally tho bc they’re whole relationship is heated they have never had a chill emotion about each other in their history of being characters that exist in the same space.

Worlds where this is cute: literally any world where the titans exist/have existed with speedy and Robin as core members

Worlds where no?: new 52 (I hate new 52 and ignore it tho so no universe sucks bc new 52 isn’t real and can’t hurt me)

Dick X Harley Quinn: see I hated this ship and I hate it in canon but I once read a fic that was good enough I now ship it on the dl and think it would be good for Harley to be with someone who can be a safety net. But like this is AU rare pair type shit and it’s low bc I literally cannot picture a canon universe where this isn’t the most toxic thing ever.

Worlds where yes: DCAU (AU) not even the canon one like the AU of the AU that is the DCAU (take a shot Everytime I say AU)

Dick X Shawn Tsang: I’m sorry yall Shawn was such a boring character I forgot she existed but I remember that she broke up with him after he lost his memory cuz she thought he was ghosting her and like not only does it feel like she just existed to give dick a love interest. Also this comic featured the character death wing and so it’s so low not bc the ship sucks except it does bc why dick?? Are you dating someone who hates heroes?? Why r u like this??? Stopppp but also bc imo the ship has a white bread type of content that is toxic to me personally and that’s more important.

Dick x Bea Bennet: I loved them sm in the beginning, best part of the Ric Grayson arc and then they added the spyral ties and made her a pirate and tbh that ruined it for me. Dick and Bea only work as a cute relationship if Bea is a way out or a window into the outside world like something to ground the man who is always trying to get his feet off the ground. It would be interesting. But now she’s just another another relationship where he didn’t know who he was dating and tbh I don’t think he’d be down for that post literally everything that’s ever happened to him romantically after the age of 16

Dick Babs: yes it’s this low, no I will not change it. It should be lower but I used to ship this so it’s only my fond memories keeping it this high. Babs slept with his father after dating him in at least 2 universes. Dick left Gotham for freedom and she quite literally drags him back Everytime they’re together it feels like about 30 years of Dicks character development is erased. And let’s not talk about Barbara used to be a congress woman Gordon. They deaged her to make her a decent love interest for someone who was a kid when she was running for congress. And because of the fact their characters don’t naturally balance out the way some of his other canon ships do (Bea, Shawn, KORI(the best canon ship imo), hell even Helena) it leads to the characters becoming flanderizations of themselves. Dick is a loveable himbo whose only defining characteristic is his ass and I hate to say it Barbara Gordon literally just turns into female Bruce and I hate it so much but genuinely read though some of their older stuff it’s like..ugh. Anyway I hate this ship I think it’s bad for both of them and while I’m not babs biggest fan I still like her and she and Dick should be best friends who get drunk on weekends and shit talk the bats and their respective teams (titans, birds of pray)

Dick X Helena bertinelli: yall wtf is this ship, if this is your main ship? Why? Tell me? Like what?? Helena??? Esp prime earth Helena?? He has more chemistry with midnighter than her (but we are not discussing the harem so I will remain silent)

Now the most toxic ship that isn’t incestuous is so obvious bc no one has ever pictured this ship with a modicum of health in it except its creator (derogatory) I’m 99% sure every single fic tagged this also has the domestic violence tag

Dick X Catalina Flores. Yeah no a billion times no this shit is so toxic the jack Napier fell into it and became the joker. This shit so toxic it only serves as a trauma boat for another person to swoop in and get him out I hate this so much.

Now dick is an old character so he has about a billion other relationships. But these are either the recent ones (Shawn, Bea) or the ones that have a lot of ao3 clout (birdflash) or something that makes my heart soft (dick and Joey) plus his most iconic 2 pairing I will not be getting into characters like Daphne, Clancy or Betty or anything else or the creepy ones like the fact he’s had shit with both catwoman and taila.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[theresattrpgforthat]

I found a goth speakeasy/coffee shop by my school that does a Thursday tabletop night where you can bring and run your own games and I was wondering if you had any recommendations for games you'd feel comfterble running with a table of strangers / mostly strangers? Thank you!!

THEME: Games to Run with Strangers.

Hello friend, fall comes upon us and I finally get around to answering your ask. Thank you so much for your patience! I’d definitely recommend bringing some safety tools to any of these games, since you’re playing them with strangers. That being said, I tried to pick games that were easy to pick up and quick to learn considering you’d probably want each session to be a standalone one.

I often run games with groups of people who don't know each-other beforehand, and I'd recommend allowing silliness to blossom when possible, even if you're running a spooky game. Let’s see what we can find!

Wizardry and Bureaucracy, by Oh Little Moth.

You are a member of the National Parks Service. You and your team would do just about anything to protect your national park. Also, you’re wizards. But all the magic in the world can’t save you from the slog of paperwork you have to endure as a civil servant. Your mission is to preserve your park and all creatures living in it, promote a love of nature and the environment, and also keep park visitors from seeing through the curtain separating the magical from the mundane.

Like most Lasers and Feelings games, this has quite a bit packed into one page. Easy character generation, a standard list of gear, an introduction where you collaboratively design your park, and the classic Lasers and Feelings mechanic that makes you automatically better at one thing and worse at another. The game is also set up to be raucously silly. This game includes the very good piece of GM advice that I adore for improv: ask questions and build on the answers. You don’t have to come up with the entire story yourself! Give your players the chance to tell you how exactly magic interacts with the local National Park.

The Children of Saturn, by Dan John Crowler.

The people of Petrikstein are tormented by a blood craving beast prowling the night. Players take the roles of parish appointed investigators on a mission to find and slay this alleged Vampyr, before it claims even more lives. Will they be able to find out the truth in web of lies, myths, and fear fueled superstitions? Play to find out!

The Children of Saturn is a neat little game that combines the Keys mechanic from John Harper’s Lady Blackbird with the graded 2d6 roll of Powered by the Apocalypse. You can accumulate dice to roll depending on whether the action in question is in line with your character, and failure increases the chances of success the next time you roll. The characters are pre-made to some extent, but the players will be able to make them unique through names, descriptions, and how they decide to role-play. This game also come with a small hex map for your characters to explore - and everything fits on one page! If you want something spooky and quick to prep, this is definitely worth checking out.

2400, by Jason Tocci.

2400 is lo-fi sci-fi. It’s centuries in the future, and it’s a decades-old modem that screams like a dying robot when it connects to the net. It’s a space ship with an FTL drive, artificial gravity, and a flickering display you gotta tap a few times to see the jump coordinates. It’s hacking something together with whatever cheap materials you have on hand, ignoring the rules until you need them, banging out something that might not sound finished, but definitely sounds fun.

The 2400 system is a stripped-down ruleset inspired by the OSR that has been used to create a number of hacks in different settings. Every time I’ve run a 24XX game, the session lasted about 2 hours, so it definitely has the ability to play quick. The original page for 2400 currently has over 20 different settings to choose from, so if one of them really hits off, you could come back with a different setting each week for your friends to play through!

The Great Soul Train Robbery, by Cloven Pine Games.

On the road to hell there was a railway line. An express train to the infernal city of Dis, crewed by furies and carrying treasure and souls to damnation. You’re going to rob it.

The Great Soul Train Robbery is a tabletop roleplaying game for 2–6 players and 1 gamemaster about Desperados robbing the train to Hell. Spin an allegorical Weird Western yarn as your sharpshooters, fiddlers, homesteader widows, and other Desperados attempt a Hellish train heist. Will you claim your prize from the train, or be overcome, damned, or broken by the heist?

This is probably the biggest Honey Heist - inspired game that I’ve seen to date. It’s a solid pitch, with very little background needed in order for your players to grasp what exactly it is they’re doing. If players aren’t sure what kind of character they want to make, all of the options have d6 roll tables to give your group a goal, your train some complications, and your character a name and a special item. There’s quite a few pages of GM advice in this, which is probably a big boon to anyone running the game, as it allows you to construct a more complex train than what you might have created out of the top of your head. I’d probably even just steal the train construction section to use for other similar games!

Hold Your Own, by Sharkbomb Studios.

It's a time and place, not unlike the one that you, the players, grew up in. A dark mirror of the decade of your youth.  You play as a group of friends at the cusp of adolescence and life is hard. You're unpopular and unwanted. All you've got is each other.

But it comes worse: A strange menace threatens to devour everyone you know. And nobody wants to believe you, not the teachers, not the parents. It looks like it's up to you to save your home.

Fans of It and Stranger Things will probably like this game. This game uses small dice pools and four basic stats. You’ll be facing off against an antagonist called the Menace, a threat that the rest of the community believes doesn’t exist. The Menace will always be strong enough to provide a challenge, and as you play, you’ll learn more and more about what it is exactly that you’re fighting against. This is a great game for fans of suspense, and it’s also small enough to learn it within the few hours that you’d have at a coffee shop.

Games I’ve Recommended in the Past

Something is Wrong with the Chickens, by Elliot Davis.

Koboldly Go, by CoffeeSnake Studios.

Faewater, by A Smouldering Lighthouse.

The Station, by pidj.

[hanafubukki]

It's true making a scene is a kid's way to gain attention. When I was a child I used to cry a lot and be loud everytime I fell, even if it didn't hurt. I stopped when I understood that I didn't actually cry because it hurt. From what I could observe growing up, it's actually a young child normal way of acting. They would cry, you would go check on them, they would calm down and then going back to run everywhere a few minutes later like they never fell in the first place. I suppose it's some way to feel secure...? Like "Yeah. People are here and will come if something goes wrong, I can continue to enjoy and play carefree" So for Malleus who was basically Rapunzel in his own castle, you bet he would throw tantrum anytime he was even a little upset so the people who cares for him/have time for him would come. Poor boy is lonely since birth. If thowing a tantrum is the price for having someone by your side, everyone would throw them 😭

Summary: Everything is the Senate fault.

- 🦋 Anon, who is adding more asks for you to hoard

[referencing this post]

Hello 🦋Anonie,

The action of crying is used in many ways for children. It’s mainly used as a way to let themselves be known and get attention. Whether it is because they are in pain, surprised, happy, etc.

To them, it’s a safety net as well. They look to their adult figures to get a reference of reaction since they don’t know how to react.

A common occurrence I’ve seen is when a kid falls down and looks at others to see their reaction. If you are shocked or show concern, most of the time, they will cry because they realize maybe something bad happened. If you just brush it off lightly and smile at them, they will go about their day and not cry. (Unless you know, they really are hurt.)

So, I can see Malleus do the same. He’s young and he’s probably confused too. Why can’t Lilia stay? Why can’t his grandmother spend more time with him? Why does Lilia live somewhere else not at the castle?

What can he do?? To get their attention? And it seems that throwing tantrums is the only way to get them to give him attention and affection.

I mean look at Malleus. Something as simple as a head pat makes him so happy. Look at his grin in the groovy. He’s literally so happy about this simple gesture.

It shows not only how touchstarved he might be but also how just simple affections mean so much to him. I can see Malleus throwing tantrums just so he can have them with him. He might get a scolding, but at least they are here with him. At least he’s not alone. And what kid wouldn’t do that?? When familial affection is something we all want and inherently are born with?

I don’t care what the senate excuses are in the future. I don’t care if there’s a “valid” excuse for them to have done such a thing. I understand, to a degree, why what happened had to have happened. But there’s always other methods and other choices. Malleus didn’t need to be alone. They didn’t need to lie about his birth. Lilia didn’t need to be treated such a way. Lilia could have stayed with him. There’s always other routes. Letting pride and views destroy a family? What jackals.

One of the reasons I think that Lilia searched so hard for Levan is because he knew Malleus was lonely, and if he couldn’t be with him like he promised when he hatched him, then at least Levan could and Malleus would have a parent with him.

The need for me to destroy the senate freaking increases rahhhhhh 😤😤😤😤

[aealzx]

I was curious i stumbled upon your blog from seeing your fic the 03 crossover on ao3. I do remember seeing the art on here. Since he’s my personal fav i wanted to ask. What’s your opinion on Raph? I mean for both iterations ROTMNT and 03.

Yes I post CDK on both here and AO3 8’D

And oh boy, buckle up kiddo I have a lot of opinions on dear Raphie *cracks fingers*

(jk it's actually not that long even under the cut X'D)

TLDR:

2003 Raph: Summed up Raph is home, safety, and warmth wrapped in an awkward bubble that doesn’t word well but will absolutely fight for those who deserve it.

Rise Raph: An adorable puppy that I look up to when it comes to dealing with people and selflessness for the sake of others, and I would adopt him in a heartbeat and smother him with plushies because he's such a good boy.

More in depth thoughts in a scrambled mess below the cut.

First, since he’s older

2003 Raph:

I first watched TMNT 2003 when I was a youngish teenager I think, and I will fully admit I was a little afraid of Raph at that time 8’D I have a really bad tolerance towards anger, I get freaked out easily and afraid I’ll get hurt or yelled at even if I didn’t do anything wrong. So having Raph portrayed heavily as “the angry one” made it hard for me to get attached to him. BUT, after growing up and watching 2003 just before starting CDK I have gotten soooo attached to Raph. This guy is not “angry” all the time, he’s open, honest, and passionate. This guy is the reason the others get out of the house. He’s the reason the others live and get into the fun times. And while Mikey certainly helps with being the life of the party, Raph is also the shield of everyone who deserves it. This guy is the most dad/big bro out of the four, and while Don could probably take care of a kid the best based on technicalities, Raph is the one that would keep them safe. Raph is home. Raph is the safety net that keeps the family warm. Because while Don is the heart of the group and we know they fall apart without him, Don wouldn’t have a voice without Raph because Don is too soft to fight back when Raph will. Donnie is still my all time favorite of the TMNT 2003 boys, but just barely. If Don is 100/100 on the favorite meter, then Raph is 99/100. He kicked Leo out of the second favorite spot for me on my recent watch.

Rise Raph:My first exposure to Rise Raph was my sister sending me the scene of Raphie crying over not being able to figure out how to help his family after they’d just lost Karai, and I have to admit the only thing I thought was “oh that’s nice, Raph actually cries in this one”. And then I actually watched the show (because sis insisted I watch the movie and I knew I needed context to fully enjoy it) and omg the Rise bros (and April) have the unique case of all being just about equal in my favorites tier. But specifically about Rise Raph this boy is a puppy and also I would adopt him and his family in a heartbeat because he’s also the sweetest lil guy and so good at watching out for others without being smothering. And just like 2003 Raph, Rise Raph is the protector of the family. Not because he happens to be the biggest and therefore the tank class, but because he wants to. I think he finds comfort in others being safe - feeling safe- and having fun. He thrives off taking care of others even though he’s not perfect at it. But him not being perfect, not making the most amazing meals, not being prim and proper, maybe getting a little dirty and bending a few rules, is what makes him charming. He’s not “attempt at being the perfect parent” 2003 Leo, he’s big brother Raphie that will cuddle with you in a mound of soft teddy bears, or throw you across the room in a roughhouse depending on what you need. Sure Leo really knows how to annoy the crap out of him, but I don’t think it’s because Raph thinks Leo is irresponsible or a bad kid. It’s much more infuriating to know that someone can be amazing, but seeing them chose not to, and you don’t know how to help them see they can be so much more than they are. And it’s easy to see that regardless of any of his siblings being annoying there’s nothing they can do that will make him hesitate even slightly in helping them when they need it. I don’t think Raph became a parent to the others like some of the fandom does. I think he’s just an adorable, soft, warm teddy bear big brother that did really well in his part of the whole family keeping each other afloat.

If I had 03 Raph as my uncle and Rise Raph as my brother I would be a lot more outspoken and rather reckless because I would have the upmost confidence that they would have my back and would keep me safe.

[talaofthevalley]

Another one for the Yu-Gi-Oh ask meme! I'm going to be super basic but consider it fair retribution, because I'm STILL NOT DONE answering your ask :') (What have you done, what monster have you unleashed.)

So, your turn for Yusaku/Playmaker!

Looking forward to the reckoning >: D

YUSAKU MY BOY YUSAKU!

Why I like them/why I don’t Yusaku is just.... great. He's so great. He's an awkward teenager in real life and a cyber vigilante at the same time. He's so emotionally mature compared to pretty much everyone around him. One of Yusaku's biggest safety nets for not being Playmaker is no one would believe Playmaker is a teenager. One of the few protagonists who didn't need the power of friendship to get through his show because he's strong enough on his owns, and in a way he is the power of friendship here. It's just that the people he's deemed important and is shown to be important to him all oppose him at some point. And because Yusaku is one of the strongest duelists in all of Yugioh it's like throwing themselves at a brick wall in hopes of breaking it. And he's just genuinely so damn cool? His comebacks in duels are so fun to watch, because the show is full of people who think they can outsmart him and be the one to defeat Playmaker. But they all fail, and realise Playmaker was thinking much further ahead than they were. And it's so satisfying. And he can be so extremely savage with his lines, it's so funny.

And like I dunno if this is a unpopular opinion (and honestly... don't care much if it is), but I relate to Yusaku's reluctance to make friends and get along with people. And I know that's in part because of his PTSD, but even after he starts moving forward post-S1, he's still not gungho about making friends. It reads to me like while he wants connections with people, he's not desperate for it, and won't buckle at the slightest hint of friendlyness from others. He's not so starved for connection he'll get attached to anyone who is nice to him. And that can absolutely be part of his trauma! Just saying I relate to it, as someone who has never been starved for friendship even when I had none near me.

What I like about their appearance I like his hair colours a ton, and how vivid his eyes are. I find it so funny but fitting his casual outfit is just a pair of jeans and a black hoodie. It's so teenage boy of him.

The Playmaker design is one I know people are split on, especially the hair, but personally I love it. The colours give him an almost retro feeling to me, with the dark green and black with splashes of yellow, then the bright colour of his hair. The styling of his hair looks So cool to me, almost like he's exploded from the inside out and letting his emotions out with them, since he's so emotive as Playmaker compared to real life. The yellow line over the suit and the four spaces on his hand that glows when he uses his skill is just perfect design.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names? No change! Yay.

OTP Datastorm my beloved-

NOTP Aiballshipping. And I mean specifically romantic, cause I do like them queerplatonic.

OT3 Again, polycule with Yusaku/Ryoken and queerplatonic Yusaku/Ai.

Favourite card they use Firewall Dragon, to be basic again. It's got such a kickass design, and I love the possible methaphors involved with one of Yusaku's ace monsters being themed around a firewall, something to keep harmful viruses and programs out to protect the system it's on. It's Neat. It's also got a funny beak mouth that looks so silly when open.

Favourite moment they were in Gosh I have so many-

Okay so I don't know if it's The Yusaku moment I love the most, but it's one that I think about a lot. During his second duel with Bohman, when Playmaker is accused of being an AI who stole Bohman's body and that he's not the real Fujiki Yusaku, what Playmaker uses as proof that he is the real one is-

his meeting with Ryoken when they were young.

Like- to put aside the shipping for a moment, because I won't deny that plays a part and that I'm biased, how interesting is it that this is what Yusaku deems important enough to justify his whole existence? To prove he's real? It speaks of a kind of personal understanding, but also of a great emotional part of himself despite how stoic and no-nonsense he appears. Yusaku is actually a very emotionally drive person, it just doesn't come off that way because he's so levelheaded and mature. He doesn't use logic here for why he's the real Fujiki Yusaku, or any holes in Bohman's memory. It's about the bond he shares with Ryoken. He sees this meeting and Ryoken leading him to the experiments as part of Ryoken's guilt, why he began talking to Yusaku while he was held captive.

It's this connection to Ryoken, the binding proof someone was affected by Yusaku's imprisonment, that makes him sure he's the real one even when he admits no one can tell for sure if their memories are real or not. Ryoken wouldn't have reacted and said the things he did in S1 if they didn't have this connection. It's an answer rooted staunchly in emotions coming from a character who on the outset does not appear to think that way, but it's proof he does. And it's kind of beautiful. Despite what people say, Yusaku is painfully, wonderfully human.

Least favourite moment My perfect boy has done nothing wrong ever in his life-

[f0point5]

whenever i hear about ocon's parents selling their house and living in a caravan (iirc) i just feel so bad for him. it really reminds me of all those traumatised child actors whose parents quit their job because the child can now be the breadwinner. obvs it's two complete opposite sides of the spectrum but both are such unfair sitautions to be put in as a child! esteban needing to succeed because otherwise his family would be broke forever?? (also i know that these decisions are often mentioned in a heart warming "oh look at how much my parents sacrificed for my dream" -way, but i find it so hard to look at it from a positive light. i'm sure they did it all out of love but i just can't imagine putting your child in such a tough position and putting that much pressure on them. i guess i just lack that top performance athlete mentality lol.) not to mention that most of these racing children hardly have a plan b career plan since they usually drop out of school. so now you have a kid who single handedly has to save the family from financial ruin AND has no safety net or plan b whatsoever. that's just insane and it's no wonder esteban is like that. he really has the ultimate rags to riches back story but his history gave him such a massive chip on his shoulder that he's just become unlikeable, which sucks!!! wish someone would grab his shoulders and shake him around a little and say: estieee!! youve made it!! stop driving like losing would full on kill you and just focus on getting the best out of the car and be the best you can be!! you'd think that someone with his backstory would be the last person who'd need to be humbled, but fucking hell he acts so smug and can be so delusional it's exhausting.

anyyyyways, apologies for dropping a full essay in your askbox, i don't even care about esteban lmao. it's just that whenever i do happen to think about him i just get so frustrated 🤷🏼‍♀��😬

have a lovely evening!! 💞

This.

I remember reading that once when I didn’t know too much about him and thinking, okay that’s a bit extreme. And then I thought about how much pressure that must have put on him. Pressure to succeed, but also just pressure in terms of that being not an ideal quality of life for a teenage boy. His parents made his life exponentially harder in every single way to support his hobby in the hopes that he could turn it into a career to support them. And then I thought about the fact that if he hadn’t been that 0.00001% that makes it, how much harder his life would have got, and how much guilt he would have lived with. They set him up to live with constant insecurity and instability, and to shoulder the burden of making that all worth it for them. Who does that to their child? I don’t care how talented you think they are, betting you’re financial security on that is imbecile behaviour. Even Esteban said if he were in his parents’ position he wouldn’t do it. Poor guy knows what it does to child.

It’s exactly like moving your kids to LA to be the breadwinner, except it’s worse because the amount of kids able to support a family on acting work is probably 10,000 times the the amount of drivers making enough money to support a family from driving alone. Statistically, there was a 0% chance that that gamble would pay off for them but they did it anyway. That’s worse odds than a slot machine. And they bet the house their son was living in?! Ew. Just ew.

And yeah, people say “look what my parents sacrificed for my dream” with affection when that dream has come true. But what would have happened if he hadn’t made it. “Look what my parents destroyed because they bet my future and theirs on my childhood hobby”. What in the damn hell. These stories are not in any way endearing to me - they’re just examples of narcissistic and irresponsible parenting.

And now I’ve just seen clips of a podcast he did talking about his childhood and I was almost tearing up for him. How he and his dad used to take tyres from the other kids’ karts out of the bins and reuse them because he didn’t have enough sets over a weekend, and how he didn’t go to birthday parties or on holiday because it was all focused on his racing. That’s a CHILD. And he was talking about how he and his dad would see Max and Jos and how everyone was intimidated by them but he and his dad weren’t…because they had literally bet their shirts on his career and couldn’t afford to be scared. That. Is. A. Child. What if he woke up one day and didn’t want to do it anymore? What if he wanted a life beyond what his parents chose for him by putting their lives on the line? Would he have been allowed to? I mean. No bloody words.

Again, anyone who says Jos is a problem father better be coming for the Ocons (and Anthony Hamilton).

The way he is is so clearly connected to the fact that he lived his whole life in survival mode. That guy moves through the world like the last meal he had was one he had to fight for in an abandoned warehouse. And fair enough it got him where he needed to go, but once you’ve made it, It’s the most unpalatable energy to be around, and it no longer serves you. And it also makes you look like an ass because how can you be a whole f1 driver and stink of desperation. Logically it’s clear why but it’s still just not a likeable combination. He probably knows that, but doesn’t know any other way to be. That’s why he has such an issue with teammates - he can’t not fight for things because he’s always scared someone is going to take something from him. He’s like a stray dog that you take in and they hide food in their bed because they think you might not ever feed them again.

I really hope he’s getting some therapy because the childhood is trauma-ing out in the open.

I think of everyone on the grid he’s the one I feel most sorry for, because of all the backstories that you hear, he seems the most unhealed.

But the levels of delulu is something else. That f3 season where he beat Max (racing for a top team while Max was in one that I don’t think had even won a race until Max won 10 in one season) really got him thinking they were on a level and he hasn’t let go of it since. He’s like “oh I look at it like I’ve never had the opportunity to go against Max because we’ve always been in different leagues of car”…as if there’s not a REASON. You’re out here like “he’s in a red bull” well why aren’t you? By your own admission you were on the same f3 track…helmut wasn’t looking for you bro.

Hope you don’t mind my essay back lol. I’m low-key obsessed with him because I find him so annoying but at the same time he’s like literary gold dust. He has such Main Character backstory. It’s just a pity he comes across so unlikeable to me. And the thing is, I genuinely think underneath it all he is a sweet person (delulu still, but sweet), but it just comes secondary to his survival mode personality.

[darkfictionjude]

I'm a diehard Nia romancer so I'm super excited to see more of her over the next few episodes but also imo I think its a good thing that she wasn't as present in the early chapters.

She without a doubt has the strongest foundations for a relationship with Crowny - even in the interactions we've had with her so far all of her romance (and even antagonistic/platonic options) feels built on years of friendship and understanding, while Imre is only just beginning to get to know Crowny, and Lorcan has years of actively hating Crowny clouding their interactions.

Her not being a part of the investigation so far has made the interactions we do have with her feel more genuine - instead of her being forced to be around Crown for the sake of finding a killer she comes across as genuinely caring about Crown's wellbeing, and obviously understands and cares about them as a person - on a deeper level than either of the boys (as of this point in the story).

It also makes the angst of Crowny feeling betrayed by their best friend more poignant if they feel like she's avoiding them as opposed to hanging around and going right back to being besties again. (Not to mention going straight back to hanging around Crowny feels out of character based on what we've seen so far).

Also it forces Crowny to form some kind of relationship with the boys (even if it isn't romantic) because (at least from my Crown's perspective) if Nia had wanted to go straight back to being friends I really don't see the need for them to have spent any time with Imre/Lorcan at all because they already have someone who they have some semblance of a positive relationship with that they can stick to and investigate these murders with - based on how ostracized Crowny is I can't imagine them putting themselves out there to work with two people they had a tenuous relationship with if there was a 'safe' option readily available to them.

Anyway sorry for the long ask but yeah I just wanted to say that while I'm super excited for more Nia content I think it's a good thing that she wasn't around as much in the early chapters :)

Yes that is what I mentioned that she has a leg up over the boys and a more personal history with Crowny. And feel like it made no sense to shove her in when there’s no point since she doesn’t want to.

Like Nia is having an internal battle between wants and needs. She feels as if she doesn’t need to be close to them but wants to

I love this because I hadn’t thought of it, yeah it does force Crowny out of their safe space. They’ve always had a safety net with Sally and Nia and so they probably never felt the need to do things on their own and venture out. Because development with someone who’s never had it a lot of time has to be a bit forced on them. Like moving out of your parents house, terrifying and unknown but you can’t stay in the nest forever. And even if you don’t like Imre and Lorcan at the very least Crowny is talking to people and being proactive it’s just like the side quests

Nia being away has forced Crowny to live without her and even though it’s painful it’s necessary and a good thing. If they become friends (and/or eventual date) again it will feel on a more equal footing with Crowny not needing Nia to be there as a crutch and Nia not needing to push aside her emotions and personal troubles because of how fragile Crowny has been for most of their life

[kxowledge]

Congrats on your PhD acceptance!!! Was this the uni you wanted to do your PhD in, or is it a 'safe' choice?

It’s both the place I wanted the most and the one where I thought I had the highest chances of succeeding. I don’t think there’s such thing as a “safe” option when it comes to PhD programs and there is no point in applying to schools that you aren’t fully convinced about, but this uni for me did feel “safe” in the sense that this was one of the programs I knew the most about how it would be.

Last summer when I narrowed down the schools I wanted to apply to, I came up with 10 names, all places I would have been thrilled to attend – submitting a good application is so time-consuming that it’s not worth spending time over something I felt lukewarm about. No university was perfect, but none had drawbacks I couldn’t live with. As I was very sick in the fall (and still not feeling 100%), I knew I needed to focus my energy and not apply to all 10 this round. So, I decided to apply just to this university, with the fallback plan to apply to the 9 others next autumn if I didn’t get in.

The reason why was twofold. Firstly, there’s timing – I had been building a good relationship with several people in the department and the supervisor I wanted was hiring this year and this year only. I had momentum I needed to capitalize on, whereas for the other schools which cycle I’d apply wouldn’t matter much.  Secondly, I thought that this was the program I would prefer over all others except one, given the choice. Two main reasons for this:

My supervisor!! I have concrete evidence that my supervisor will be a good one. She’s an expert when it comes to my specific methodology, which is super important to me, and she know so much about the topics I’m interested in – and she was the one introducing me to some of these in the first place. She’s very supportive and gives great feedback that actually pushes me further. She has a good network of other scholars. These are all things that will contribute to my success, more so than the name of the school. There are obviously great supervisors at other schools too, but here I know for sure

The money. In the context of the other universities I was considering (i.e. in Europe/UK), this is where I’m going to get paid the most. As I said, I would have also managed with a lower salary, but, trust me, knowing I’m going to get paid this much is a relief - living on £20k/€23k/$25k circa is too restrictive no matter the location. Not only I will not have to worry about money ever for the next four years, but I will also be able to put enough money aside to buy a house, because we're not talking about a 2-3k more, we're talking about almost double of what I would have gotten in other places. Because of the money and the benefits, I don’t have to feel like I’m putting my life on hold until the end of the PhD, but rather I can afford to do anything I want, be it travel or build a family or join the expensive pottery studio or whatever.

The drawback: this university is not well ranked worldwide. What will get my CV checked out for AP positions will not be the name of the institution, but rather my work, which is a lot of pressure because getting something under review at a top journal is no easy feat. At the end of the day, I would try to do my best and I would have high standards in any case, so at least I’m in an environment that will support me & if I struggle getting a job post-graduation I will have a safety net to fall back to.

The only place that would have been better / I would have chosen over this uni would have been INSEAD, but my chances of success with them were way lower (I’ve been told by them that my quant GRE score would already screen me out, even though I don’t even want to do quant research), so I don't mind too much not having applied.

[jihyoruri]

okay I NEED to talk abt this bc richgirlyn is literally me FORREAL 

so uhh not the analysis I thought I’d be doing but I need to. the other one will be later 

ok tw for eds I guess like this is the entire analysis 

disclaimer. this is all my interpretation as well as my experience. I’ve had an issues w eating since 8 (almost twins!) and it’s been literal years. this is just what I think based on what I’VE seen and done as a girl. I know men can have ed’s but I will be talking abt it from my standpoint, which is hashtag girl. everyone’s experience is different.

key: ana=anorexia, ed=eating disorder 

Ive never dealt with real bulimia so take whatever I say with a grain of salt

okay. here’s why richgirlyn having an ed, specifically how she develops ana as she gets older makes a lot of sense (Ive had a fixation on eds and the way they affect the mind for so long..)

i feel like people forget just how genuinely maddening have an eating disorder is.

most of the time in movies they’re there for laughs and portrayed as “oh she just kinda throws up!”  (heathers, the musical) or “oh she wants to be skinny so bad she js doesn’t eat!” (mean girls) (I love both of them btw they’re just what come to mind)

like that is not what they are like AT ALL

eating disorders are some of the most deadly mental illness there is and because it mostly affects teenage girls and women people literally treat it like something not that serious or a joke it’s actually insane how people do not gaf about it

so anyway.

I feel like if children have issues with food they always start out thinking of purging

it makes sense! if you don’t want calories, just get rid of them.

obviously, it doesn’t work that way, and purging doesn’t even actually work well LMAO most of the calories are absorbed unless u throw up like the second food enters ur mouth like it is not foolproof at all.

but to a child it makes sense. the food is gone so you can’t gain weight

and when you’re a kid your gag reflex is way more sensitive so it’s way easier to vomit. when you get older it’s so much harder

bulimia is not really possible long term for idols because of its side effects which are:

erosion of tooth enamel making them appear clear other than white

sunken in, bulging eyes

swollen cheeks

hair loss 

GERD

also for the fact it doesn’t really help much with not absorbing the calories + the fact that it affects the appearance, which idols need to be perfect, + the fact that it affects your voice, which idols need, and also throwing up is difficult 

much more common in idols is anorexia.

so! actually the side effects of ana aren’t as noticeable if you’re not restricting a lot! at about 700-800 calories max a day I didn’t experience hair loss or getting spots on my skin

It was mostly that I was just tired all the time and kind of irritable. i never experienced any physical effects other than losing weight (didn’t lose much muscle bc most of the cals were protein and I worked out everyday)

anyway

richgirlyn definitely likes control.

we can see how control has been taken from her time and time again— mostly by her dad, making all the decisions while she doesn’t get a say, and later, how her members and the people around her treat her.

eds are about control more than looks. It’s the one safety net, the one thing you can always be good at.

when everything around you is falling apart— you can control what you eat. it’s like an accomplishment. look how low I got the number! I’m so good at this! I’m so disciplined!

It’s like. “no one could ever get as low as me”. It makes you weirdly competitive 

and obviously there’s pressure to be skinny as a trainee. It’s what half of your self worth is based on. so if you can control that? and punish yourself (because as we’ve discussed richgirlyn does NAWT like herself that much) while you’re at it? It’s literally gold

she practices and practices, trying to be good enough, the best, and she doesn’t want to eat. eating is kind of like admitting defeat and saying you’re weak and giving in to the need to have food. 

oh and y’all don’t KNOW what mommy issues do with an ed like.

if losing weight makes someone PROUD? oh you KNOW you’re dropping to size 0 trust like it’s actually insane. I can’t even explain the real insanity that comes with an ed it makes you actually crazy. you start becoming afraid of certain numbers because they look bigger even if it’s not how it works. ex: it’s better to eat 98 cal than 50 because 98 feels “smaller” like it’s CRAZY. the state of mind you have when you’re doing that is really seriously not normal like I know it’s obvious but people don’t GET IT. you become very obsessive and cagey over it like if you eat over a certain limit you will literally either break down or get up and go work out until you think you’re back under and the guilt eats you up inside. richgirlyn is SAUR MEEEE FOR REAL

so ANYWAY richgirlyn having an ed makes sense. specifically ana.

she likes control, she wants something to feel proud about (along with her singing and dancing and rapping abilities), it’s something her mom’s PRAISED HER FOR so you already KNOW when her mom is like “wowww you’ve lost weight!” she is like I’m gonna get so much worse.

and also there has to be a part of her that wants someone to worry. i know she hates being seen as weak but I just know minjeong saying smth like “oh I wondered how u stay thin it’s cause u js don’t eat” made her feel so validated because it’s proof that she’s sick and she’s not okay and she’s not making it up.

I’m very sure her being well off has completely fucked with the idea of her being “allowed” to feel negative emotions. like “I’m rich, I shouldn’t be sad” but with any negative emotion.

and I know she was getting better until she got put in le sserafim I just KNOW especially CURRENTLY?

the stress of her members disliking her makes her feel worse abt her self making her want more control and also there’s this very fucked up part of it where it’s like. the less I eat and the less space I take up the more they’ll like me, they won’t hurt me if they think I’m sick and fragile and GODDD that’s so her. she wants to be strong so bad but sometimes.

anyway it’s 1 am this isn’t a great analysis maybe I’ll circle back to this but I needed to talk about it

I love richgirlyn she’s witerwally me 

-🎏

It’s crazy that everything you just said is so correct like completely correct when it comes to richgirl!yn’s problems.

and because this has been going on since she was ten it’s just a normal routine for her all that girl does is try her best to become better, and because she knows that her image is something that her mother actually pays attention about her, so it’s rlly important to her.

even now that she’s an idol she doesn’t talk to her mom but there’s times when her mom will call her and be like “you look a little different.” and then she’s completely back in that cycle

[tg-headcanons]

Heyo!! I recently watched tokyo ghoul pinto and wanted to know what you thought of it (if you've watched it)!

I DID AND I LOVE IT BUCKLE UP BECAUSE IM RANTING ABOUT HOW GOOD IT WAS

Tokyo ghoul pinto has it all. Ghouls doing average things, a glimpse into Shuu’s past, how humans view ghouls, HORI, and most of all, possibly the best and most important part of Shuu’s lore

So it comes as no surprise that I love Tsukiyama. He is my chew toy, my purse dog, a bug in a jar, my rotten soldier, my good time boy who I am putting in a dog crate and kicking down the stairs, because he is so interesting and bitchy. And in pinto I think we see the biggest, core arc of why Shuu is the way he is and what forces him to change

Shuu Tsukiyama has never faced consequences

We already know what he’s like. He’s grand, he’s fruity, he has access to social circles and hobbies that are both revolting to most and highly sought by few, but are, most importantly, a rich man’s game. Shuu may be a ghoul, but he has so much money and power that he’s never faced most of the struggles ghouls normally do. Sure he’s still as illegal to exist as the others, but no government agent is going to go after a family so well funded. When he hunts, it’s recreationally. When he’s at his lowest, he has a safety net. When he wants something, he gets it. He has all the time and resources in the world to devote to doing whatever he wants and what he wants is decadence that can not exist without harming people. Decadence that is generally understood to be sadistic and unnecessary, but he doesn’t view it that way because he simply doesn’t consider that there are consequences.

In the opening, we see him doing this. He attacks and kills a runner who he has apparently been tracking for a long time. He’s wearing nice clothes, he’s in a nice neighborhood where people with time feel safe out at night, and he’s doing this not out of hunger, but because he wants this specific meat that’s been toned to perfection. Much in the way someone would prefer a cut of veal over ground beef, he prefers a human body with the perfect taste

Here he’s caught by beloved ratgirl Hori, who gets a picture of him hunting. Now, any other ghoul would have killed her. It’s well established that when a ghoul is seen by a human, they need to kill that human because no matter who they are, it’s a risk to have someone know who they are. However Shuu doesn’t even seem to consider it. He doesn’t have that instinctive bolt of life or death terror like we see in touka or Hinami, because he isn’t like other ghouls. He has money and power and men like him don’t get investigated. So rather than immediately killing her, he treats her as he would a business acquaintance. He takes her out to eat, looks at her ID, and just… let’s her live. Of course he keeps tabs on her, but its very abnormal for a ghoul to let a human who has seen their face, let alone has photographic proof of what they are, just walk away

He trusts that he will see her at school. He trusts that she won’t report him. He thinks that this is a safe bet because, well, why wouldn’t he?

He does keep tabs on her, but he doesn’t even seem to realize how much power he has to do so. Shuu isn’t the one investigating her, his servants are. His servants watch her. Matsumae, his family’s personal school plant that his family can personally afford to train and hire, is the one who gets her information. She offers to kill her for him because this is such a routine, and is surprised when Shuu insists on handling it himself, citing his need to learn how to care for his own issues. This is a surprise because this hasn’t happened before. There’s been plenty of threats that have needed to be neutralized to keep him safe, but it’s not like the great and powerful Tsukiyama has ever had to do the work. Why would he? That’s what servants are for

He is solely at fault for being caught, but nothing bad is going to happen to him. He’s rich and he’s charismatic. Every girl in the school swoons over him because he’s beautiful and says the right words. Every jealous boy in school can’t touch him because can you imagine what his lawyers would do? Not a single person would dare speak badly about him because they know how powerful he is. The only time anyone ever tells him this is a bad idea is when he tells seemingly the only other ghoul student what’s going on. A girl who doesn’t have his money and power. And she tells him exactly what he’s doing

“I can’t believe you allowed this to happen, and yet at the same time I’m not surprised. This is just like you, or rather like your family. They’re so powerful they have influence over politics and business, as their distinguished son you get to live a charmed life. If you’d been brought up in a normal household, you wouldn’t dream of going into the world and making a spectacle of yourself. I’m amazed you’ve gone this long without getting found out”

And she’s right. She is issuing him the only warning that anyone has been willing to tell him. She tells him that the reason he’s alive, the way he lives, isn’t because he’s special, or clever, or beloved by all. It’s because his family is powerful and that’s it. It’s because his family has influence and money, enough to prevent people from looking too close, or digging too deep, or finding all the bodies in his wake. He is immensely privileged to be as cocky as he is and he needs to be careful

He is warned, but he doesn’t listen. Because in his mind, he is the main event, and it’s not only his right, but his duty, to put on a show

Shuu instead continues his game, because to him that’s all this is. To him, this is just a story, and he is the narrator. He invited Chie to the hospital to see the show he’s put on. He tells her about his observations with the aloof certainty only seen in particularly annoying grad students and men who don’t have people in their life kind enough to humble them before their inevitable social philosophy phase. He tells her about one particular interaction between a patient who is so rich that he gets away with all the harassment he wants, and the nurse who is trapped there by social necessities, but takes every opportunity she can to hurt the old man back. He sees this as a particularly human story that he is viewing from the outside, and takes it as an opportunity to show Chie how So Very Enlightened he is about how he sees it. He doesn’t once consider that he has something in common with that old man

Chie, ever the pawn in his game, goes along with it. She goes up with him to the old man’s hospital room. It’s opulent and nicer than anything she could afford, but inside there’s only rotten fruit and a dark, quiet place where the nurse can attack the old man where no one can see. Shuu narrates it like one would a nature documentary. Waxing poetic about how they’re both hiding their awful deeds and both victim and perpetrator, until he decides to step in.

He wants to show her that he is above them. That no matter who is in the right, or who they are, or how strong they are, he by right of power can do whatever he wants to them. He pins the nurse and makes her shut up, he rips the skin off of the old man’s leg and eats it, he makes quite a show of what he’s done and looks back at Chie for her reaction

And gets nothing

Pinto is a story about Shuu. This is what we see as an audience, it’s all from his perspective. This is what Shuu believes as part of the story, he too sees himself as the protagonist here. He’s always the protagonist, he’s always the coolest most interesting person in any room. Everyone loves him, everyone wants him and wants to be him. Shuu is gods specialist boy in every way so why, oh why, is Chie not impressed?

How dare Chie not be impressed?

This entire performance was for himself. She was a prop for him just as these other people were props for her, but he doesn’t seem to understand that. He’s enraged that all this time, no matter what he does, she’s just snapping pictures and listening, but not understanding that he is supposed to be better than her. Something she’s doing for herself. He yells at her, he threatens her, he even leans her out the window to show her that he is capable of killing her. He is asking her, demanding to know, who she thinks she is

She just takes a picture

He drops her, and only as he sees that she is continuing her work in the face of death does he save her. She’s happy to be alive, but even now, she doesn’t seem impressed with him. He makes a comment on keeping her like a pet because she’s amusing, but Chie refuses

Mind you, this entire time Chie has not been impressed. She does not idolize him. She does not hate him either. He simply isn’t important to her and it drives him insane. Shuu is so used to being the object of everyone’s adoration or hatred, he is used to people caring so much about what he does with no consequences when he does it, so when Hori, someone so below him doesn’t look up to him, he sort of loses it. He does everything he knows how from gracing her with his presence, to feeding her, to putting on a morbid show, and none of it works

And then she drops the bombshell that she has the picture of him eating ready to upload in the case of her death

For what is likely the first time ever, Shuu realizes he is in tangible danger. Everyone is a pawn in his game, but this time he’s not just an outside observer chuckling and commenting on how poorly everyone else is doing, he’s a player. He’s involved. He’s part of this story and not on his own terms. For the first time ever, someone is on his level and their world does not revolve around him. He is not the mastermind, he is no different than that old man waking up to someone who is ready to strike back at him, and now he’s painfully aware of just how capable he is of bruising

And he. Is. Afraid.

He plays it cool and quickly tries to get Chie to cancel it, and she does, but she also teases him. She toys with him in good fun but now, he’s in the place he wanted her to be in. He is as aware of her ability to kill him as he wanted her to be aware of his, and he is uncomfortable. His whole life he has gotten away with literal murder. His father sees no problem with it because he’s rich and sheltered too. His servants see no problem with it because the job pays and they care about him. His peers don’t even suspect it because he knows how to smile pretty and throw money around

But Chie never cared

This story is not about Shuu. This story is about Shuu and Chie, and he’s never had to share a title screen before. Chie had her own motives and desires that had nothing to do with him, only with her hobby and how she could better it. She was interested in him as a morbid curiosity and eventually a friend. She chose to be a part of his world not on his terms, but on her own. She was always capable of destroying him, but chose not to. Shuu was always capable of destroying her, and chose not too while not taking it very seriously, and didn’t realize until that decision that he didn’t really think much about had passed that he is in real, serous danger

Now, Shuu has two paths here. He could either kill hori like any other ghoul would, like his own servants usually do, or he can let her live as an equal, knowing everything she knows. And he lets her live. He lets her live because, in some small, almost unnoticeable way, he has grown. He sees her as her own person and, as much as it pains him, her life has value outside of him

They remain friends, friends who for the first time in Shuu’s life, are equals. Because for the first time in Shuu’s life, he is aware of what it means to have your fate in someone’s uncaring hands, and has to learn how to live with it. It is an amazing arc that continues in the main story, but I always come back to pinto to watch Shuu realize in real time that he is not untouchable, and one day someone will get the better of him

[sulky-valkyrie]

Helloooo Happy Friday! I come requesting "i’m watching you date all these other people and i don’t know what it is i’m feeling but it’s definitely not jealousy" for Dorian/Alistair :)

Happy Friday Sterling 💜💜💜 for @dadrunkwriting

It was strange to see Dorian again after all this time.  Strange to have this much distance between them.  They'd talked nearly every day, of course, but it had been through the sending crystal - just a little bauble, Alistair had told the First Warden.  Lying came more easily now.

They'd discussed it, of course.  How Dorian’s fledgling post as the newest member of the Magisterium demanded he act the part in every way - most ways, at least.  How Alistair’s own notoriety as one of the few Wardens that hadn't succumbed to the despair of the False Calling would be all the more suspect if his fraternization with a magister were to get out.  How it was best to keep their relationship as quiet as possible without the Inquisition to fall back on as a safety net.

It wasn't so difficult to pretend when literal countries separated them, but now, in Minrathous, as the Warden Commander (not his, of course - Maker knew where Daylen was) greeted the Archon, seeing Dorian’s eyes light up then immediately flick away hurt like a knife in the gut.

To help maintain the fiction of his non-involvement with Tevinter, Velanna had accompanied him.  It was flimsy at best, wouldn't hold up under heavy scrutiny, but it was better than nothing.

Dorian, for his part, had a dapper younger man on his arm.  Alistair had heard about him of course: Rezaren was an up and coming prodigy with long brown hair and soft eyes who looked like he'd be more at home spread across a cushioned bed than stuck in interminable meetings.  They'd discussed that too, of course - nothing quite so brazen as whatever Hawke got up to with whatever and whoever crooked a finger at him, but their own concessions to time and distance and politics.

Alistair hadn't sought out any companionship, but he'd stopped turning it down when it was offered.  Dorian, on the other hand, had very publicly engaged in several rather torrid affairs in the last six months.  All part of politics here, he'd assured him as recently as last week. Disgrace, discredit, disenfranchise.  Alistair didn't doubt it, but he worried all the same.  What if he found someone else without meaning to?  What if one of those dalliances proved possessive, or dangerous some other way?

Archon Radonis was a dreadful orator, and even though he was standing, Alistair nodded off twice during his speech.  Only a few jabs of Velanna's impossibly sharp elbows kept him from tumbling over, and both times, he caught a glimpse of Dorian’s fond smirk from across the room before he tugged at his mustache and smoothed his face back into serene attention.

When the Archon finished his patently insincere monologue about working together against the Venatori, Alistair made his escape as quickly as was feasible, and definitely more quickly than was polite.  He raced out of the throne room and down the hall to the guest wing, clutching fruitlessly for the necklace he'd carefully tucked away in the bottom of his bag.  Dorian would most likely be busy for hours and unable to answer, and probably had hidden it for the same reasons Alistair had, so the weight of it in his hand would have to be enough.

When he finally skidded to a halt in front of his room, his heart was pounding his chest as he threw the door open, nearly off its hinges, and dumped his whole bag out across the mattress, desperate for the only token he had, just to hold it and know he hadn’t dreamed the whole thing.

The necklace was missing.

"No, no, I packed it, no, where the void is it?" he hissed to himself as he tossed spare trousers and shirts to the floor.  Could it have been stolen?  Would someone really be so bold to rob the Wardens when they were guests in the Archon's household?

He grabbed each bit of clothing and shook it out, hoping against hope that it was simply tangled in a pant leg or a sleeve, but it was all for naught.  He’d lost it.  It was the only thing Dorian had ever given him, and he'd lost it.

"Looking for this, amatus?"

Alistair was moving before the second word was out of his mouth.  He spun around and charged, catching Dorian in his arms and pinning him against the wall as he kissed him.  The sending crystal clattered to the floor, unimportant now that the real thing was in his grasp.  "How'd you get here so fast?" he murmured.

Dorian chuckled.  "How do you think, darling?  Magic."