#also i think we all know by now i am not a fast writer

[lostmykeysie]

HI KEYSIE popping in to say that the latest chapter was as amazing as always n it was so gut wrenching i hate how u play w my emotions like this everytime u write angst . !!

OH ALSO i remember in an old ask u mentioned u had a moonseeker wip ?? i was wondering if u were ever gonna post any moonseeker fics or if ur just gonna stick w wolfstar n the usual !!

xx I HOPE UR HAVING THE BEST DAY cus u surely made mine <33

HI BABES playing with your emotions is my reason to live xoxoxo

i DO i technically have one moonseeker smut and another that's not a wip in that it's just an outline.... but idk when they will ever see the light of day!!! i feel like i owe it to the people to finish the smut (also because i get bullied for it on the regular cough kade cough) but i think because i am not a multi-shipper (i think that's the right term??) as in i don't ship wolfstar with ANYONE else there just isn't as much motivation there you know??? also with the smut fic it was my first attempt at writing actual smut and i was weirding myself out with it a bit but with TML getting a bit saucy and my next fic being INCREDIBLY saucy i feel like i'm more used to writing it now so. never say never as jb once said

i'm excited to write dorlene in my next fic and that will be my second non wolfstar pairing that i've written after jegulus. i think for me i just don't care about anyone other than wolfstar (and drarry) to go out and write a fic about them UNTIL i get to know the characters as i've written them? if that makes sense? like i never in a million years would have written jegulus if i hadn't written THH and got to know how i write regulus and james to a lesser extent, and then i was like yeah let's ship those bad boys. does that make sense? i feel like it doesn't but i am on a ROLL right now going through my ask box so i'm not gonna read it back i'm just gonna send it out to the ether love you hope you had a fantastic day it's nearly the weekend baby i am SO excited and i'm going on a hen do on saturday!!!

[mellowwillowy]

Thinking about writing a sweet, gentleman with a high sense of justice... Have a Yan! Baker!

Reader's gender is ambiguous as it's never really stated and only assumed.

Yan! Baker who is your neighbor and also your favorite baker of the town! The man has just recently moved next door and started his own little business which is opening a bakery!

Yan! Baker who gingerly offered you a cutely wrapped box of cookies as some sort of housewarming gift. One bite and you immediately fell in love with his creations! It's the best cookies you've ever had and the next day you saw him open his bakery, you were the first customer to line up for his cookies.

Yan! Baker who often gives you extra for every purchase you make, a little tad too much sometimes to be considered an extra. A juice for a piece of bread, a box of confections for a box of macaroons, and a box of luxurious-looking chocolate for a jar of cookies.

"My treat for someone so gorgeous like you." He eased you down with his smooth voice as you fidgeted at the extra he gave you. His smile was so genuine that you thought he might have taken a liking to you. But that couldn't be true right? He had a ring wrapped around his finger after all. He's most likely to be married already but you have never asked him that.

You thanked him and decided to pop off your curiosity today by asking him about his marital status.

"Me? Ahaha, yes I am not married yet, just engaged."

Perhaps your expression shifted too fast to the point he patted your shoulder, "... I really love them, I was once their prince in shining armor."

You cocked your head to the side while trying your best to make a chuckle at his word prince.

"Mmh, a literal prince might I say," Noel now wrapped both his hands on your shoulder, guiding you inside the bakery while spinning tales for you to hear to the point you didn't realize that the front rolling door was shut.

"A long time ago, this town was once a bustling village of an empire."

He sat you down at the kitchen table while preparing some tea for you to drink, somehow your mind fogged by his smooth voice.

"I had a twin brother and one of us was supposed to be the next Emperor but you see," Noel stirred the teabag into the pot, "I was not chosen by the die and my younger brother instead was raised to be the Crown Prince."

Is Noel a writer? You thought to yourself.

"But I didn't mind it at all, I received just a fair amount of love and attention from my family. I was slow in studying unlike my brother so I honed my skill in weaponry instead."

"So you were a knight?"

Noel nodded. You nodded slightly as well.

"I was a royal knight who was meant to guard both the country and my brother. But you know what?" Noel placed a tray of cookies, your favorite. "I grew up with not only my brother but also my beloved."

"Childhood friends?"

"More than that. They were one of my mother's lady-in-waiting and also my brother's closest friend and me."

A woman, you noted.

"Long story short, we grew up and got engaged, just like a fairytale." Noel picked the strawberry with his fork and ate it, since when did he bring it? And since when were the teas served already? His voice...

"But my brother was not pleased with it, he was envious, drowned in an ugly shade of envy." You could hear the irritation in his voice a tad too clear, a voice that you had never expected to hear from him.

"I was discharged from my duty momentarily due to a leg injury from a dispatch. It didn't bother me at all until I realized I had no hope of recovering completely, making my mother strip me of my duty permanently."

"But guess what, it turned out my brother was ecstatic about this news. He sent me away to be some preacher which automatically cut off my engagement. I didn't even have the chance to explain myself to them, only through letter could I apologize."

Was it his voice that lulled you deeper into the tale to the point you could see yourself in the setting or was it the cookies?

"Erickson swooped my love away and made them the Empress. They both reigned the empire into glory until I came in."

Chill ran down your spine, and the room that was originally normal suddenly felt hot.

"According to the prophecy, one of us three would be the downfall of the empire." Noel pointed between himself and you. Your waist felt so tight out of a sudden as though a corset was tightly wrapped around you. You wheezed from how the lack of oxygen and your eyes teared up from the smoke.

"Me, Erickson, or you. The Priest, the Emperor, or the Empress. The Knight, the Crown Prince," Noel brought your hand to his lip, "or the Jester."

An identical ring to his was slid into your finger, it fit like a charm, not too tight and not too loose.

The once small kitchen shifted into a spacious bedroom lit by a blazing scarlet that consumed the whole room. The heat was so much for you that you could somehow feel your skin melting.

Two heads were laid on top of your lap, and both of them shared the same scarlet hair, their face was not really clear but you could see them peacefully resting against you as their final resting place.

Just before you lost sight of everything and blacked out, Noel's kiss brought you back to reality. Kiss.

"I've been waiting for you for so long." The room shifted back to normal and you were on the bed with him above you. "Millennium, I waited for you for millennium and when I found you, I couldn't contain the feelings that were stored in the ring."

It turns out that your baker next door is not just some baker. He was your knight, your fiance, and your--

"But now, I can finally share this long locked suffocating feeling and fate with you." Noel muttered into your lip.

Diary Entry.

[nats-bottom]

NR - I Never Get Jealous

Summary: Natasha gets jealous over Reader dancing with other women.

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, jealousy

Notes: Sorry this took so long for me to write! I had some writer's block, but I'm back now!

I saw Fly Me to the Moon last night, and it is such a good movie! I highly recommend!

I also have accounts on Wattpad and AO3! The users there are @ paige_vers

Please give me requests! You can submit them here or on my insta, @ scarlettsoutset

ᨖᨖೱᨖ⧗ᨖⴵᨖ🕷️ᨖⴵᨖ⧗ᨖೱᨖᨖ

Natasha POV

I took another sip of my drink. Me and my girlfriend, y/n were at another one of Tony's parties. He threw parties all the time, most of the time for no reason. This party was no different. Just a party for no specific reason, with random people that none of us knew. 'Us' being the Avengers. We were all there because one, Tony made us all come, and two, there was no way we could sleep in the tower with all the loud music. 

I'm taken out of my thoughts when I feel a hand on my thigh and hear y/n say she's going to go dance. I give her a quick kiss and watch her as she walks off towards the dance floor. I move to the couch area, where a bunch of other Avengers are sitting. I sit down next to Steve, who's sitting next to Bucky. They each have a beer in hand, and are casually flirting with each other, but won't admit it. I start up a conversation with them, internally laughing every time one of them blushes at the other's comment. 

After a while, I get a glimpse of y/n on the dance floor, dancing with two other women, neither of whom I know. I feel the anger inside of me rising as I see y/n grinding on one of them. I watch her for a few minutes, when Steve waves his hand in front of my face. 

"Nat? Are you there Nat? Earth to Natasha!" he says trying to get my attention.

"What? Oh sorry. What's going on?" I ask.

"I just asked you how many pop tarts you think Thor will eat tonight. But clearly your mind is somewhere else. What's up?" 

"Oh, um, y/n is just dancing a little too much with some other women." I say as I feel the heat rising to my cheeks. 

"Ohhhh, I see. Someone's jealous." Bucky says with a smirk.

"No, I'm not jealous. I'm just, um, observing." I reply, not wanting to admit to my jealousy.

"Yes you definitely are. You should see your face." Steve says with a chuckle.

"Fine. I guess I am. And I'm going to go do something about it." I say as I get up and set down my drink on the table. I hear Bucky and Steve try to stop me, but I just ignore them and keep walking towards y/n. I squeeze through other people in the crowd and finally get to y/n. 

"Nat! Wanna da-" but before she can finish I pull her into me and give her a big kiss on the lips. She acts a little shocked at first, but then melts into the kiss. As I let go for air, she tries to hang on to the kiss a little longer. I keep my arms around her waist, hers around my neck. "What was that about?" She said with a smirk.

"I just didn't like how you were dancing with those other ladies." The other women had walked away by this point, leaving once they saw me glare at them. 

"Oh, is someone a little jealous?" y/n asks smugly, and drunkenly. 

"Jealous? Me? I never get jealous." I replied.

"Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh. I saw the look on your face as you came over here."

"I was not jealous. You can dance with whoever and I won't care." I say, trying to get her to believe me when I say that I'm not jealous.

"Then why'd you scare those other ladies off?"

"Because I want them to know that you're mine and mine only." I say in a deep voice. I pull her off the dance floor and to a couch in an area with the other Avengers. I sit down first and put her on my lap, putting my arms around her stomach. She rests her hands on mine and she leans back into my embrace. 

We talk with the other Avengers about random things, from Tony's newest project to how fast everyone thinks Pietro can run. I'm not really paying attention to the conversation though, all I can think of is y/n. How pretty she looks tonight, how she was dancing, and how I wished she danced with me like that. I move her hair aside, and start kissing her neck. She tilts her head to the other side a little after letting out a small, barely audible gasp. I start nibbling on her neck, making sure to leave a mark. I suck on the bite, then run my tongue over it. I move over to another spot, doing the same. I look over the marks I made, satisfied with it.

I move my hands to y/n's arms, rubbing them up and down. I whisper in her ear "you look so pretty, all marked up. Showing everyone else that you're all mine." I feel her squirm a little in my lap. "You like that don't you, pretty girl." I say, now playing with her hair. I nibble on her ear a little and I feel her shiver. "You just want everyone here to know that, don't you. You want everyone here to hear you scream my name." I hear her gasp, and see her nod ever so slightly. "Meet me in our room in 10 minutes." I whisper in her ear. She nods and excuses herself from the party, saying that she's tired and wants to go to bed. About five minutes later I excuse myself, explaining that I have an early day tomorrow. 

I leave the party and head to my room. I open the door to our shared room and see y/n there on the bed, clad in a matching lingerie set. I close the door behind me and walk up to her, smashing our lips together.

[the-crooked-library]

okay so I gotta say, I don’t believe the whole “vampires cannot make good art” thing. I just don’t buy it. Like, call me biased, but as a writer, I don’t think you could talk the way they do and not be good at least at writing. There’s no way.

(you are a challenge every sunset, Saint Louis)

(I had powers now, and decades of rage to process - and so it was both random and unfortunate the man picked that night to dabble in fuckery) (I mean are you kidding me, that line is MUSIC)

(THE NAME! The name, unuttered in our home for twenty-three years - said over and over, until it was pounding in my head like a hammer!)

As such: what I personally think is actually happening is something far more mundane. Picture this - you've just been turned. Vampirism has enhanced everything about you, so your senses are like 10 times more distracting, you're stronger, faster, you're murdering nightly, you're most likely born out of some sort of trauma, and on top of that you've got years to compound whatever issues you already had - which, surprise surprise, are also somehow more intense now, whodathunk, mainly because your senses/murder/immortality are fucking with them BIG. Seriously, think about it: how much would vampire senses exacerbate symptoms of ADHD or autism? Would the species change, the nocturnal lifestyle, the mind gift contribute to dissociation, psychosis, schizophrenia? Would the killings and the loss of community be a factor in the way your depression might develop - or religious scrupulosity? OCD?

It's not that vampires cannot make good art. It's just that it becomes supremely difficult to do so, especially given that they cannot take human medication/finding a nocturnal therapist would be a bitch even if you're modern/Louiiss mon cher what eez a coping mechanisme y'know. I am convinced with 100000% certainty that, given enough time and dedication a vampire could absolutely make good art again* - though, in all fairness, very few of the ones we know possess the patience. Mind gifts/vampire speed + strength/inherited riches tend to destroy that sort of skill real fast; still, though, it's not a curse. It's symptoms disease.

* It is also possible, just as it is for humans, to develop all sorts of technical skills and still lack the “eye” for art (cough Marius cough) - but in that case, maybe try music?.. start writing? Get into ASMR? you’ve got an eternity to fuck around. Do whatever.

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @clairegregoryau 💕

Everytime the topic of fandom kindness and community comes up, of helping each other out and fostering a quiet corner where people can be themselves, most people in our little fandom think of Claire. She's written over a million words of OFMD fic and read even more, and you can always see so so many recs over on her twitter. Incredible good vibes, and an author who truly lives to lift other authors up. She also does SO SO much for fic authors over on the OFMD Fic Club server <3 And she was incredibly kind and shared her entire writing process with me:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

I’m a huge advance planner, which is a process that has developed for me over more than 25 years of writing original fiction. I’ll get whacked with a story idea, then I’ll sit down and set out the central kernel of that idea, and where it needs to start, where it needs to end, and what the turning points need to be to get there.

A lot of the time I use a three-act structure, largely because Jenkins has talked about OFMD using that structure (one example here). So that makes it easy for me to hold to the canon beats when I’m writing AU stories, or to mirror them in canon-era stories, which is also something I try to do most of the time. With long experience (and now 1.7 million words of OFMD fic written (!)), I find this part of the process really easy. I’ll usually do that plotting by hand-writing out my notes, because it really fires up a different part of your brain.

Because I am such an advance planner, I do tend to write in a completely linear way from start to finish (I also pretty commonly post my long-fics as I write- each chapter goes up as soon as it’s finished and has a final editing pass). Punching through it in a linear way, knowing the ending that I’m working towards and being enthusiastic to get there, really keeps me motivated.

I do all of my writing in 30-minute sprints at the OFMD Fic Club Discord, where we’ve built a lovely and LOUDLY enthusiastic writing community that anyone is welcome to hop into 24/7. For those who find the constant chat a bit overwhelming, we also have a Quiet Focus Sprints channel. Again via long practice, I’m a very fast writer, but that’s accelerated a lot more over the last couple of years, paradoxically because I couldn’t write the way I used to anymore.

I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that includes some fun brain impacts at times, and it’s really hit my working memory especially. I used to be able to hold all the strands of a complicated story together in my head as I wrote, but now I can’t do that as easily. So that’s why the outline is important for me, so I never lose track of the idea- I’ll also do a quick outline at the start of each chapter I’m writing that notes what needs to happen, and then I’ll write in what I call layers, getting down whatever I can first, and then doing sweeps back through it to add internals, narrative detail, sensory details and so on. I make a LOT of notes and square brackets as I go to remind myself of things to look at later.

I also use a plot matrix [Twitter thread, Example Matrix] that you may have seen floating around- I mostly use it to keep track of plot details that have already happened within a story, so that I can check it out at a glance, but I will sometimes plan certain elements in advance (as in the case of Tree Change, which covered 87 of the 93 Kinktober prompts last year across 12 carefully planned chapters). There’s always space when I’m writing for the characters to surprise me within that plot framework- as a final plotting thing, once I’m at the halfway mark I’ll often plot backwards from the planned end to make sure that I’m on course, and to see what I need to adjust.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing?

I really like to dig into the friends-to-lovers trope that sits at the heart of the show. The Ed and Stede relationship reminds me immensely of my own- like Rhys and Taika as friends, we’ve been yes-anding each other for over 25 years (all of my least hinged fic ideas come from bouncing thoughts back and forth with my husband), and it’s been a steady mix of constant silliness, curiosity, and care. We’re best friends first and that’s one of my favourite things about Ed and Stede, that they are, too.

What I really love about it is the vulnerability of these two people who’ve been hurt so much by others in the past, who’ve never been fully appreciated for all the things that they are, and in each other they find the one absolutely perfect person who just gets them, and it makes all the difference. It’s always fun to play with that and variations on it in fics, and it’s usually the beating heart of my stories.

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

I want to say that I find them both equally easy depending on the story. Ed as a character speaks very much the way I think- he has that ADHD buzz, the high swear level, and a very AoNZ turn of phrase that’s also very familiar to Australians (like me). Writing Ed is like turning the inside of my head out and it always flows easily.

But I have always said that I see myself in both characters in equal parts, so I find Stede pretty easy to write as well. I feel like I pretty solidly understand him as a person, with his history of rejection and his commitment to trying anyway, and trying to be kind, and letting himself be fascinated by things, from piracy to books to moths to Ed (that one’s not hard).

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

This is a near-impossible question with 69 OFMD fics up on AO3 😅 I really do love them all, and I have a lot of smaller one-shots that haven’t been read as much, but overall I’m incredibly lucky with readership and so so grateful for everyone who enjoys my work.

But my recent Reverse Bang fic The Broken Lines is hugely important to me and I think it’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever written anywhere. It’s set in the aftermath of the First World War (my professional zone of expertise), and features a Stede who’s lost his voice, his memory, and as far as he knows, his Ed. He gradually remembers what happened with the help of the crew and another Ed, who appears in his mirror from 1719, searching for his own Stede. It was a beautiful collaboration with artist Gerlinde to begin with, but I also got to work with one of my longest-term writing friends Jill @followedmystar as my beta, and then with Boy, who made a truly transcendent podfic that I can’t yell about enough.

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

I think the word I have to zap more than any other is “actually”, and there are still a million of them in there when I’m done. The main reason is that to stick close to canon voice, I try to incorporate a lot of the less iconic/ more ordinary turns of phrase that the characters use a lot in their speech (I’ve watched every episode of the show… way too many times), and both Ed and Stede actually use “actually” a surprising amount. I just use it an even more surprising amount 😂

(This just sent me on a QUEST to find a specific number because I am that kind of nerd- Stede says it 15 times in S1 and 12 in S2, and Ed says it 8 times in each, for totals of 27 and 16, many of them in distinctive moments; it just gives that little buzz of recognition for me. I started out screenwriting before I moved to prose, so my writing tends to lean pretty strongly on having a recognisable, almost audible voice to the dialogue, as well as a cinematic visual style for the big adventures especially).

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

I quite deliberately don’t use a beta reader for most of my OFMD fics, because being in this space is an exercise in recovering from lifelong paralysing perfectionism around writing especially. I’ve spent so many years not finishing original work because it never feels like it passes the invisible bar for perfection that exists in my own head. So when I started writing OFMD fic, I set out to accept good enough as good enough, and to get back to enjoying writing as fully as I can.

Obviously this means that my work could be better, but I’m actively working on letting that thought go and loving everything I’ve made just as it is. When I have worked with beta readers on projects that require them, like the Reverse Bang, it’s been with friends who I trust and adore, who I know will listen to what I need (cheerleading, mostly), and will do their best to work with me on improving the story without letting me spiral into hating it all because it wakes the perfectionist beast back up.

That doesn’t mean I’m without regular support, or that I’m not trying to improve my writing! I read an absolutely insane amount of fic, and I’m always in awe of the talent we have on this ship, and always learning from what other people do well. In lieu of beta readers, we share snippets of work all the time in our sprints team, so I get feedback there; I also get it from readers in progress, who often give me a sense of what’s hitting the way I hoped and what needs a bit of tweaking. I also have lovely group chats and individual friends like Kerry @communionnimrod and Lis @ghostalservice and Jill who I can run to if I need an opinion on whether an idea feels right or not, which I will often ask.

I’m very very careful with my writing, but in a couple of rare instances readers have also DMd me to note spots where I’ve inadvertently included something that doesn’t reach the sensitivity standard I’m aiming for. I’m always grateful for that gentleness and bravery in reaching out and I’m always happy to change something or to add tags or notes as needed.

Why OFMD 🥹

I watched the whole show in one hit a week after the final episode aired, and I loved it immediately, but I thought I was going to be normal about it. The unravelling into complete, unrelenting obsession happened gradually as I rewatched it with my husband and teen, then again, and again, then started to read fics and hunt up art, then started joining fan spaces, and then dived into writing my first fic in two and a half decades (all original writing between The X-Files and here), thinking it would also be my last.

I’m still here, still writing constantly, and a major portion of it is the show and how distinctly it reflected all the many parts of me, some of which I’d never seen so clearly before. I had a tough childhood in a few different family respects. I didn’t understand that I was neurodivergent until I turned 40 and my own kids were heading for diagnosis, and I’d been rejected constantly throughout my life for being too much. I was a high achiever who was in the process of crumpling under pressure right when I watched it, and while I’d been figuring out my sense of my own queerness for a few years, I’d never had a community that helped me feel at home with that.

And in the end it’s the community that’s been the reason I’ve been fully sucked into fandom for the first time since my teens- the writing in this space is top-tier wonderful, and the community is such a found family, just like the Revenge. Being able to write and have people actually want to read that writing, being able to cheer others on and hype their work, being able to help set up the OFMD Fic Club Discord and make it a safe spaceship for so many people, has been incredibly fulfilling and lovely. 

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[a1307s]

Artwork #2

(Garfield Logan Smut)

[Art work is not mine! Credit to Exegaytioner]

Requested by: Liviejc

Keys:

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 6,063

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Sorry it took so long; it’s been a mix of the holiday and a bit of writers block

Pet Name Used (Bunny)

Biting

Slight degrading

Begging

———————————————————————

     It's been a couple of months since I walked in on Y/N painting her wall. Since then, I've been a little attached to her. We spend a lot of time together, whether that's me watching her work on different art projects, or Y/N watching her show as I game, or just sitting in each other's presence.

     Over this time, I've learned a bit about her, but not as much as I'd like. She's a 'freak accident', like I am; like most of the team is. Other than that, I don't know anything about her, but it seems there's not much to know. I will say that kind of explains her hatred for her shifting color schemes.

     The most recent activity we do together has been napping. Y/N always gets excited about her afternoon nap. She has issues sleeping alone which means her napping makes up most of her daily sleep. She used to nap with Nightwing but most days he'd be too busy for it, so she'd miss out. Y/N did end up asking me to nap with her instead. I answered yes, a little quicker than I meant.

     I won't admit it to anyone, but I've started growing feelings for her, which have only gotten worse over time. We used to just nap. Well, Y/N would nap, and I would lay next to her. Then we started making out before she'd nap. Now we make out before and after she naps.

     I enjoy it. I like her rubbing up on me and kissing me. I like the dark crimson color that coats her lips after we kiss. I like her. All that doesn't help my denial.

     Y/N on the other hand, I have no clue how she feels about it. You would figure with the whole 'hue of her skin matches her emotions' it would be easy to tell how Y/N feels. Well, when you don't know what the different colors and hues mean, it doesn't!

     It also doesn't help that the only thing I ever see her in is that dumb white cloak of hers. Given, her hood is never up anymore - unless we're on a mission. She's more loose about letting her arms show too, but with how big the sleeves are they tend to cover her more than they don't.

     When Y/N naps, she's usually curled up, so her ankles end up showing. Sometimes her cloak parts and shows a bit of her thighs. It makes me feel like a Victorian boy. 'Oh, her ankles! How sinful of me to look at such things!'

     I have asked Y/N a few times about our kisses. How she feels about them and such. Usually, she ignores me. The few times she has answered haven't been very nice. Her answer is usually something like 'You tolerate my naps, so I tolerate your kisses'. I don't want her to tolerate our makeouts. I want her to want them. I want her to want me.

     I have talked about our situation with Nightwing, and he usually helps. How he's explained it is that Y/N struggles with expressing emotions. Weird to think about since her powers are linked to her emotions, but not knowing much about her leaves a lot of room for speculation. However, seeing how she lives at the mountain like a lot of us, assumptions are easy to place.

     Like every afternoon, Y/N is curled up against me, fast asleep. Her back is pressed up against my side and her head is resting on my arm. My other arm is thrown across the bed, forgotten. Y/N won't sleep if she's not touching me in some way, but at the same time, she doesn't like being touched a lot. It makes for a weird balance. Too much touching and she can't stay asleep, too little touching and she also can't stay asleep.

     She's cute when she sleeps, and not angry which is always a plus. She gets angry pretty quickly, but I'm not that surprised. Y/N just happens to have the same hair-trigger temper that Conner does.

     The thought of glancing under her cloak flickers through my head. That would be perverted and wrong... but, she is sleeping in my bed so it couldn't be too bad... right? No. Nope. That's wrong.

     I shift away from her, putting a bit of space between the two of us as I shake the thoughts out of my head. If I want to see her coloring that bad, I can just ask. The worst she can say is no, right? Or... it could put us back to square one again. Put us back to barely talking and her walls shooting back up.

     Y/N whimpers a bit, turning over so her head is on my shoulder now, her arms - exposed - resting on my chest, and her front pressed up against me. I watch as her skin shifts from milky white to a soft pink. The color blotches over her arms and the exposed part of her chest that comes in contact with me.

     I'm not too surprised by this. Usually when Y/N wakes up the side of her face is this soft bubble gum pink color from where she was pressed into my arm. Even at this moment, her cheek is decorated in the coloring, though it's starting to fade back to white now that she has switched sides. I enjoy watching her colors shift, it's relaxing.

     Some of Y/N's coloring is obvious. The dark red, almost black means she's mad and is usually paired with matching tight curls. When her hair is short, fuzzy - and usually grey - it means she didn't sleep too well, which also means Y/N will have an even shorter temper than usual. Yellow - the bright one, not the washed-out one; I don't know what the washed-out coloring is yet - means she's happy. How bright it is shows how happy she is. Other than that, the rest of the coloring is still a mystery.

     I stay like this, watching the pink spotting get darker the longer she lays against me. I wonder what the pink means. To me, pink is the color of love. Maybe she does like me and just doesn't know it. However, I have seen her turn pink while working on her art and while reading and such. Those things can't exactly bring feelings of love... I don't think.

     Maybe I should get a feelings chart. That might help my situation. Especially since I'm not sure if every feeling has a different color or if it's more of an umbrella thing. I'm pretty sure it's an umbrella thing... maybe.

     Y/N shifts, pulling my attention back to her. Her head picks up, eyes open this time. They're milky white, like the rest of her, for a second. Soon they shift to her bright yellow with flickers of pink through them. God, what does the pink mean?

     "Good morning, Garfield," she says, dipping her head back to my shoulder as she shifts herself on top of me. I tense a bit as Y/N slides into my lap, her legs bent at my sides, her arms draping themselves over my shoulders and her chest pressed into mine. She sits like this all the time, after every nap, in the middle of every day. It shouldn't be any different today, but it does feel different. It's probably because I was deep-diving into my thoughts today.

     "How'd you sleep?" I ask, placing my hands on her thighs. What color are my handprints under her cloak? Are they pink? Yellow? Are her inner thighs littered with blotches from where they press into me? I want to know so bad. Y/N just hums in response, shifting her head onto my neck instead of my shoulder.

     Once again, she falls still, her soft breathing coating my neck and making my nerves spark. I think I just need something new for us. Something more than just our makeouts. Something to let me know Y/N enjoys this instead of seeing it as a chore.

     I slide my hands around some, my fingers curling around the edges of her cloak that has parted a bit from her position. My eyes stay locked on the ceiling as I tip my fingertips over the hem, barely coming in contact with her bare skin. It's silent for a beat, the warmth of her skin sliding up my fingers, but the silence doesn't stay long. "Don't do that," Y/N says, her fingers sliding down and wrapping around mine to pull my hand away. She lays it back in its usual spot, gently placed on top of her thigh, over her cloak.

     So much for something new, something to prove that she enjoys whatever the hell this is. Y/N's head tilts back up, her eyes now their ashy grey. Besides the angry red color, grey is the most used color on Y/N. Her eyes, skin, and hair, are all grey when we go on a mission. Unlike her sleepiness, when we're on a mission her hair is pin-straight and long. I don't know what the grey means. Maybe focus. What is she focusing on right now? Is focus even an emotion? I don't think so.

     Her head tilts some, eyes slowly melting back to the yellow and pink from before, her hair doing the same. I'll take that as a good sign. Happiness is always good, even if I don't know what it's paired with. Y/N's fingers are soft and airy as they slide up my neck, stroking my cheeks as she cups my face. She bends down, her lips sliding over my skin for a second before finding a new place to butterfly a kiss too. Maybe she does enjoy our kisses, why else would she be so gentle? So soft? Her lips trail over my face, leaving their warmth across my nose, my eyes, my forehead, my jaw, anywhere she can reach.

     My hands slide backward, jumping over her butt to slide around her back. I feel so loved, and so cared for when Y/N starts our kisses like this. If she doesn't feel anything for me, how could she make me feel this way? How could she push so much love out in these little touches if she doesn't care about me too?

     "Y/N?" I ask, my words coming out softer than I meant them to.

     "Garfield?" She whispers back, her lips sliding against the corner of my mouth, making my heart rate rise and blood rush down my body. It's annoying. This is annoying. I hate feeling so in love, so needy for her, just for nothing to ever happen outside of the few minutes before and after she sleeps. Outside of this, Y/N rarely lets me touch her, and the one time I tried to kiss her, I got a broken nose and a week of her being skittish. No naps during that week too which meant no kisses either.

     I gently slide my hands up Y/N's body, sliding them up her shoulder and cupping her face. I tilt her back, so her eyes are focused on me instead of her kisses. She looks so pretty, her back arched, her cloak opened some, showing me the top of her chest, the soft blue of her bra poking out a bit. This isn't helping my rushing blood or my thoughts. I can't touch her thighs, but I can see down her top? She's half awake, I doubt she knows this is what she looks like.

     I rub my fingers across her cheeks like Y/N has been doing to me. Soft streaks of pink are littered across her face, from where she's rubbed up against me. The paths of my thumbs are darker pink from the constant contact. Why do my fingers leave a pink spot, but her lips are red when we kiss? If I kiss other parts of her, will those turn pink? Or red?

     "Do you like our kisses?" I ask, trying to focus on her eyes but instead, my eyes keep dropping down her top and rising back up to her lips.

     Y/N shifts, her back going straight as she sits up, and her knees tightening around my sides. I'm a bit disappointed at the shift, the beautiful scene is gone now, but I can't complain much. The added pressure to my groin feels nice, teasing even. She shifts more, pressing into the half-hard situation in my pants for a second, her eyes wandering around the room. This is getting heated quicker than usual. All the build-up from the last few weeks looming over us, threatening to snap if Y/N keeps rubbing up on me like this. I place my hands on her hips, keeping her in place. Maybe not the best placement, but her being still is better than her adding friction.

     "I don't mind them," she answers, wiggling out of my hold and lying back down next to me.

     That pisses me off. Y/N is not dumb, she's a very smart girl, so she has to know touching me like this has some kind of effect. She has to know normal people don't nap and have heated make-out sessions with their friends. And what does she mean? She 'doesn't mind them'? What the hell Y/N?

     I look over at her, watching the pink on her skin fade back to white. Watching it helps me calm down a bit. It always relaxes me when I get to watch her shift. "Y/N?" I call again at a normal tone this time, as I slide my hand back to its place on her thigh. I massage it softly, debating if I should try to dip it down again.

     "Garfield?" Y/N answers again, her head turning towards me. Her eyes are starting to shift to red, the same crimson red her lips usually are by now. Is she mad at me for touching her? She sounds pretty calm compared to how she usually is when she's mad. Maybe she isn't mad.

     "Do you not like me kissing you?" I ask, giving into my want and dipping my fingertips down, toying with Y/N's inner thighs.

     "I don't... not like it," she answers, turning her head away from me. I watch, waiting for a reaction, but I don't get one.

     "So... you do like them?" I push, sliding closer to her. I'm leaning over Y/N's face, hovering barely over her, and slide my fingers down slightly lower, the hem of her cloak coming into contact with my fingers again.

     Y/N's eyes are wide, mostly grey with flickers of red throughout them, her skin doing the same. Her body is a bit stiff, and her chest jumps faster than normal. Is she nervous or scared? Maybe both? "Umm... I guess so," she answers, her legs closing and squeezing my hand between them.

     She guesses so? She doesn't know? The anger from earlier bubbles up again. I want Y/N to know she wants me, I want her to be as needy for me as I am for her, I want her to voice her thoughts and feelings about me.

     "Y/N?" My voice rings out, my fingers curling around her cloak again. I just need something, anything from her to let me know she feels somewhat good about this, about our kisses, about whatever relationship we have. I move her cloak, moving the fabric up her legs so her inner thighs are exposed to me.

     "Garfield," she breathes out, her skin and eyes redder than grey as I slide over her warm skin, her cloak now covering both my hand and her thigh. Her skin is smooth, soft, and hopefully colorful. I like Y/N's voice like this, I want to hear her say my name like that again.

     My name ringing in my ears makes my pants tighter, the half-hard-on is now a full-blown-hard-on. "I want to see your coloring," I tell her, gently parting her legs some so I can move my hand easier. The small circles I've been pushing into her skin have left a red ring on her skin. Is that good or bad? Is Y/N enjoying this or not?

     "You... what?" She asks, her voice still light, her head tilted down some so our eyes are connected. Y/N's eyes are fully red now, and her mouth is slightly parted. Is she horny? Is that what's happening? I mean, she looks horny. Picked up breathing, wide eyes, parted lips.

     My head falls to the side as I lean down, connecting our lips as my eyes snap shut. Y/N's lips feel soft and plump against my own. She tastes like honey, a leftover flavor from her tea this morning. It's not long before her mouth falls open, giving me access before I even have the chance to ask for it.

     I let my hand continue to squeeze the flesh of her thigh, bringing my other one up to do the same thing. My tongue slides over Y/N's, the feeling only causing more of my nerves to go haywire. Her hands are stiff but gentle as they cling to my biceps, her fingers shaking against my skin.

     "Why are you so nervous?" I ask once we pull apart, Y/N panting some under me. "I just want to see your coloring," I add, slowly pulling her legs further apart, her cloak falling open and pooling at her hips. Crimson red colors are littered across her skin, dark purples swirling with the color from where my fingers have crossed over her skin, the rest of her still grey. Matching soft blue panties stand out against her ashy color of her. Little Miss Matching, how cute.

     "I'm... I just..." Y/N stumbles, her panting slowed some but still present. I inch my fingers up, letting a finger on each side slide across the bands of her underwear clinging to her legs. This gets me a shift of her legs, but they fall back into place, wide open for me to admire.

     "You have to use your words. I'm tired of trying to read your mind," I murmur, scooting down the bed so I can dip my head between her legs. Y/N's hands slide up to my shoulders from my movement and soon knot themselves into the hair on my neck. Once again, her legs fall close, tapping against me before falling open again. "Why are you nervous?" I whisper against her skin, sliding my lips over her inner thigh. Like my fingerprints, an outline of my lips forms a dark red with blotches of purple through it. I continue pressing kisses into her left thigh, leaving new outlines in my wake.

     "I... you're.... you're touching me," Y/N answers, her legs tapping against the side of my face again. It's cute, how nervous she is about me seeing her like this, how her legs fall open when she's reminded of my placement.

     "So? I touch you all the time," I comment, switching to her right thigh. I let my eyes flicker up, taking in Y/N as I leave a long lick from mid-thigh to the dip of her hip meeting her legs. A hissed breath comes from her, a red streak forming as I watch. Y/N's back is arched the slightest, her knees repeatedly bumping into me before falling open again, her body shaking a bit, hands buried into my head. I think this is prettier than the scene I got to see earlier.

     I pull back from her, kneeling in front of her bent legs so only my hands are in contact with her now. This lets her knees bump into each other when they go too close again. Y/N whimpers at this, her fingers sliding down to my face as I sit up. "Aww, is someone whiney?" I tease, inching my hands up her stomach, letting them slide under her clothing. "Why are you whiney? What do you want Bunny?"

     "I... I don't... I don't know," Y/N stumbles out, her body scooting down to move my hands up further. Her hands have moved back down to my shoulders, her nails digging into them. Her eyes are blown out, dark purple with spots of red, and watery as she looks at me. I've barely even touched her, and she's already overwhelmed. Y/N is going to need a long cool down after this.

     I mess with the bend of her bra, snapping it against her, running my fingers under it, inching up just a bit before dropping them back down. My eyes jump around her, her skin turning the same purple as her eyes, washing away all the grey. The previous prints on her thighs are now crimson red instead of their previous purple, making them stand out against the cooler color. "I think you do know," I answer back, completely pulling my hands down and planting them on her hips.

     Y/N whines again, thrusting her body down to attempt to move my hands further up her body. It doesn't work though; I keep them firmly in place as her legs bump into mine from her movement. "Please?" She whimpers, an involuntary pout forming on her face.

     "Please what? What do you want Bunny?" I repeat as the idea of Y/N dressed up in bunny ears and a puffy bunny tail serves as a nice reminder of my hard penis, which pulses at the thought. I just need to hold on a little longer, long enough to get Y/N to beg, long enough to get her prepped, and then I can have my pleasure. "If you don't tell me what you want, I'll leave you here to deal with this all by yourself," I threaten, rubbing soft circles into her hip bones to try and encourage her words out.

     "Touch me, please?" She begs, the words coming out desperate as her legs fall open again, filling my eyes with the sight of her panties. They're slightly wet now, a small spot forming as her juices seep out of her, only encouraging my actions more. She likes the teasing, she likes me forcing her words out, it's turning her on. Is that what the crimson red is? Or maybe that's what the purple is.

     "Touch you where, Bun? Here?" I tease, ghosting my fingers over the little mess Y/N is already forming. Her legs jerk from the touch, bumping into my arm before falling back into place. "Or here?" I ask, pressing soft circles into her clothes clit. Bump, bump, bump. Y/N's legs jerk again with every circle I push into her nerve bundle, squeezing my arm each time she comes into contact with it.

     "Garfield," she breathes out as she did earlier, another pulse from my dick and my breath hiccupping from it. I don't like how easily she cracks my swallow confidence. I am not a dominating partner by any means, but Y/N is even less a dominating person in bed so if I don't hold on to this tiny shaving of confidence, we'll be back to me panning over her with no retaliation.

     "Take it off," I bark out a lot meaner than I meant to. I clench her cloak in my hands, tugging it softly. "Please, Bun," I add, softening my tone in hopes of not scaring her off. I can't scare Y/N, I can't get this close to having her just to shove her back into her shell from being too rough, too mean.

     Slowly, Y/N's hands fall from my shoulders to the cute little white bow that keeps the cloth tightened to her body. Her fingers are shaking like crazy as she works on undoing it. Her eyes are still watery and so fucking hot as I look at her. I want to see her crying under me, I want to see her whole shaking because of me.

     "You're doing so good," I tell her once the bow is undone and her clothing falls to the side, exposing the skin of her torso, of her chest. Streaks of a mixed grey and red outline where my hands previously rubbed against. "So, so good, Bunny," I whisper against the skin of her neck, pushing soft kisses into it as I work on tugging her clothes the rest of the way off.

     Y/N curls around me as I'm bent over her. Her hands wrap around my shoulders, pushing our chests together, her legs wrapped around my hips and crossed on my back. Soft whimpers fill my ear as I push more sloppy kisses into her, now trailing them down her shoulders. It's so pretty, seeing the smooth white sliding off of Y/N, watching it pool behind her as small groups of colors form under my touches.

     I bite down gently into her shoulder, getting a soft cry of pain, and nails dig back into my shoulders, but I don't mind. I need to leave behind some marking, some proof of ownership, something to show that Y/N is mine for everyone to see, even if I know my eyes will be the only ones to ever see it. "Garfield, that hurts," Y/N whines, tugging on me gently to try and remove me from her.

     "I'm sorry," I murmur, littering kisses across her jaw before placing a soft one against her lips. Her tears have spilled over slightly, her cheeks damp as I pull back and look at her. "I want to be inside you so bad. Do you want me inside you?" I ask her, rubbing my thumb across her bottom lip as I look over her face. I do want to be in her, I want to be in her so badly, but I know she's overwhelmed. Y/N is shaking against me, and her tears aren't just from the bite mark, so I need to make sure she's okay with this, that she's not going to hate me if we do have sex, that she'll be okay after we have sex.

     Y/N's head nods a short yes, but that's not enough for me. I need to hear her yes; I need to hear that she wants me. I press another soft kiss to her lips, dropping my hands back down to the band of her bra. "I need you to use your words, Bun."

     "Please?" She whimpers, sliding herself against me. The sudden friction of her pussy against my ignored penis pulls a low moan out of me, getting me another soft hump and another whine from Y/N.

     "Please what?" I push, hooking my hands to her hips. I use this leverage to shove Y/N down hard onto me, to pick up the pace of her soaked panties rubbing against the front of my pants. I continue this, using my hand placement to hump myself as whimpers and whines spill from her, but not an answer. "I swear to God Y/N. Tell me what you want, or I'll jack myself off onto your pretty titties and leave you here whining like a desperate little Bunny that can't get herself off."

     Worry flickers through my head for a second but is quickly squashed when a moan tumbles out of Y/N's lips. "Please... I want you. Please? Pretty please Gar?" 

     That's enough confirmation for me to continue moving forward. I drop my hold on her long enough to shove my pants down and pull myself out. It's a struggle, getting myself out of my pants and boxers. Random body parts from the both of us bump together as I wiggle out of my clothes.

     Once I'm freed, I slide back between Y/N's legs, the head of my penis gently tapping against the soaked spot of her underwear. Her hands are back in place, tugging on my shirt that's covering my shoulders. "Needy, needy Bunny," I tease softly, leaning down to kiss Y/N's cheek before pulling my shirt off. 

     "Please?" She begs again, grinding her hips down against me. 

     I grab at her, having a tight hold on her hips again to stop her. "Don't do that," I warn, lifting her hips off mine. There's too much tension and if she keeps pushing, I'm not going to last long enough to fuck her. "I want to play with you first," I add, sliding my fingers down and letting them snag on her underwear.

     As I start pulling them down, Y/N grabs my wrist, pulling my attention to her face. Her skin is tinted in grey, only adding to the pretty mixes of red and purple. "Just... be gentle," she says, worry flooding her eyes and washing all the color out of it. Grey is fear. When Y/N is grey, she's feeling fearful.

     "I'll be gentle," I tell her, leaning up and placing a few soft kisses across her face before landing one on her lips. I continue this, littering her face in kisses, as I pull her panties off her legs. Grey is still present in Y/N's eyes, but the purple and red have started spilling back in. "You're so pretty," I whisper, moving forward so our hips are connected again. 

     Y/N's legs are back at my sides, squeezing me as my fingers dance around her folds, touching her but not touching where I know she aches. Her nails are sharp and a bit painful as they dig and release themselves from the skin of my shoulders. She is pretty, really pretty. Big watery doe eyes, body covered in explosions of colors, small noises spilling out as I tease, her clinging to me like she'll fall apart if she doesn't. I would be thrilled to spend the rest of my life looking at her like this.

     I slide my lips over hers, a distraction, something to calm her as I dip a finger into her. Y/N's fingers jolt again, digging into me as I pump my finger, helping her stretch out. "You're doing so good, Bunny," I whisper into her ear, dipping another finger in before curling inside her. I let my focus shift down, gazing at the sight of me disappearing into her.

     "Garfield," Y/N moans, pulling herself tighter against me.

     "Bunny," I tease, continuing to pump and curl against the walls of her pussy. Her body responds to the stimulation, tightening around me, her chest pumping to get more air into her lungs, and noises and whines for me spilling out. "You're doing really good," I repeat, pressing kisses anywhere I can reach. I debate whether to continue until she finishes or not. I don't want her to be overwhelmed, I don't want Y/N to stop enjoying this.

     I decide not to let her finish, not quite yet. I start pulling my fingers out, getting a distorted reaction from Y/N. "No! No, no, no," she whines, her hands sliding down my arms to try and stop me. 

     I turn my focus back to her face, taking in how beautiful she looks. Y/N's eyes are still doe-like, not a thought behind them besides me. Tears have spilled over again, making her cheeks all dewy and almost sparkly from the lights above us. Her chest has slowed down a bit, but it still looks full, pretty, soft. "God, you are pretty. You are beautiful, Y/N. You are gorgeous," I tell her, shifting myself around again.

     Heat rolls off of Y/N as I line myself up to her, tapping the head of my penis against her again, but with nothing in the way this time I'm able to poke just barely inside her. I tug her hands off my shoulders, lacing our fingers together as I gently press her hands against the bed. I want her to know she's able to let go, to call this off, to push me away if she needs to. "Y/N?" My voice rings out, a difference from the whimpers and whines that have been filling my ears.

     "Ya?" She answers, slinging her legs around me and attempting to pull me further into her.

     I give into her want, moving slowly, feeling just an inch of me sliding inside. "Are you sure you want this? We can stop," I tell her, hoping my own noises stay stuck in my throat.

     "Please? Pretty please? I want - I need more. Please Gar?" Y/N begs again, her fingers and legs tightening around me, trying to get more of me inside her.

     How can I say no to that? I pretty girl underneath me, begging me to fuck her. What sane person says no to that? Not me. I give again, letting the rest of me sink inside of her. Y/N is warm wrapped around me. Warm and loving. Perfect. 

     "You are so pretty. You are smart. You're gorgeous. You're so sweet. You are perfect. You know that? You are perfect, Bunny," I tell her, spilling out a new compliment after every thrust. A broken thank you falls from Y/N's lips after every one of my compliments, a moan or my name breaking up her words.

     This is perfect. She is perfect. Y/N likes me back, likes me enough to fuck her. Likes me enough to beg for me, to need me. My hands tighten around hers as I continue to thrust into her as I dip my head down. I clamp my teeth on her shoulder a couple more times, making sure to be gentle as I do so. Little whimpers fall from her at this action which only makes my thrusts sloppier.  

     The sloppier my thrusts get, the more upset I get. I don't want this to end, and I really don't want it to end this soon. I knew I wasn't going to last long from the start, all the teasing today and during the whole week made sure of that. "Bunny," I murmur, sliding my tongue over Y/N's neck before I continue. "I'm not going to last much longer."

     "No, you have to keep going. Please?" She whines from under me, her hold on me as she complains.

     "I can't, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Bun," I mutter against her skin, covering her raw skin in kisses. She squirms from my lips brushing against the forming bite marks. It's cute, but doesn't help my rushing high that's closing in. "We'll go again, I promise, I just... I can't," I add on, sliding more kisses over her markings, making her squirm around more.

     Another whine comes but is chased by Y/N pressing her own kisses into me. She leaves kisses wherever she can reach, my arms, my chest, my shoulders, everywhere.

     "Fuck," I mutter, sliding out of her as the band in my stomach slightly tighter than I want. As I pull out, my cum spills out onto Y/N's thighs. It leaves a pretty scene for me to enjoy. My cum covering her thighs in a pretty white, it stands out against the dark purple of her skin and the crimson red from where I was placed between them.

     Damn, all of her looks pretty, looks hot. Once again Y/N's chest is heaven for breath, a slight dew of sweat coating her body. Her skin is a pretty mix of reds and purples, every place I've touched her being empathized by the red and the rest of her being that pretty purple color. The bite marks I left littered across her shoulders - all five of them - a softer red, and slightly bruising. 

     "I'm sorry," I repeat, letting myself slump on top of her. Our hands are still intertwined as I let my body weight crush her a bit, my head buried into her neck. My dick is sensitive, but I push myself back into Y/N anyway, putting her whimpers of dissatisfaction on a slower setting. "I promise we'll go in again in a few minutes, okay?"

     "Okay," Y/N responds, her breathing slowing a bit. Her fingers slide gently against mine, helping me calm down from my high.

     I let my eyes focus on the coloring of her neck, the colors slowly dulling down before settling back to her peaceful white color. The soft pink returns again in all the places I'm touching her. I change my mind; this is the scene I'd be happy to watch for the rest of my life. Her skin shifting colors, me tangled up against her warm skin, Y/N's soft touches against me as I relax. God, I love watching Y/N's coloring, and I can't wait to make the colors shift again.

———————————————————————

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 9

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Panic/Anxiety attack. Alluding to sexual scenarios. Kissing. Fat shaming, name calling. Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.7K

Series List: Here!

Miss Chapter 8? Here!

Hi everyone!! I really don't feel great about this chapter, I'm sorry if it sucks. I kinda just want to get it out there though because I don't see my brain thinking up anything better. A lot of writer's block surrounding this scene. Anywho, hopefully next chapter will be better, but I still hope you like it. Although we allude to a little bit of sexual situations now that they are together, I likely will avoid explicit smut being that Pedro is a real human and I am a guilty, guilty human for writing any smut at all. I don't want to offend Pedro (not that he'd ever see it anyway, I am delusional), but I also know people find real person fiction uncomfy as a whole. That being said, I think this story may be coming to a close pretty soon. I plan to have maybe one more full storyline chapter, and at least one little side bonus chapter :) Please let me know what you think in the comments, or DM me if you wanna chat! I love hearing all your thoughts. Thank you for reading and hanging in here with me.

Before the screen even had a chance to load, you canceled the request. Nervously looking at Pedro, he held your hand under the table. “What is it?” he asked gently.

“I just realized,” you replied. “What if they ask about us? About those pictures? What should I say?”

Pedro answered with a gentle stroke of his thumb on your cheek. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm sure I'll be fine with whatever you say, baby. I know your privacy is important to you, and I trust you. I'm all in with you.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath and once again began the stream.

“Live in 3…”

“2…”

“1…”

The fans began to file in, and before you knew it, you had thousands of viewers. Opting to start with your screen covered, you wanted to give an intro first before the big reveal. 

It wasn't long before the comments flowed across the screen. 

You took a deep breath, squeezing Pedro’s hand, and jumping in. “Hi everyone! It's me… a lot has been happening lately and I decided it might be time to show a little more of myself.”

-“First!”

-“Did she mean to start a live video ??"

-"Hiii! I'm a big fan"

-“Is she there??”

-“Do you guys see anything?”

“So… Here's me.” You turned on your camera, waving at the screen, your stomach twisting in deeper knots.

-“No fucking way.”

-“!?!!!!!”

-“SCREAMING”

“Hi… Some of you might know me, some might be surprised. But this is me. This is the girl behind the music.”

The comments flooded in, entirely too fast for you to read.

“I want to thank all of you for being fans and listening to my songs. It really means a lot and I hope you liked the album. Your support blows me away, especially with what little information about myself I've given.”

More comments.

“Well, I uh… guess I should read some of these comments and answer some questions. I'm sure there’s a lot you all are wondering about,” you stated nervously, starting to read.

-“Why did you hide your identity?”

“Why did I hide my identity… I hid my identity mostly based on poor self image. I never expected my music to gain popularity, never expected celebrities to know it. Never expected any of it, and it certainly brought its share of criticism. I was scared to be in the spotlight and I didn't feel like I looked good enough to be someone famous. You know? I'm not skinny, I have flaws, and that doesn't always sit well with the Internet. I guess I was mainly scared of how I would be perceived. I'm just a normal girl who had her whole life flipped upside down when I wrote my feelings down,” you laughed anxiously.

Choosing to ignore the storm brewing in the comments below, you addressed the earlier comment. “Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad I can make you feel more accepted by seeing more plus-sized people in the entertainment business. Everyone should feel seen and have a place at the table, no matter what you look like, or who you are.”

-“I think it's nice to have more celebrities that look kinda like me.”

-“You're so humble!!”

-“You should've stayed hidden lmao”

-“Shut up, asshole. Why are you here if you're going to be rude?”

-“I'm sure you're a real supermodel behind that keyboard bravery.. smh”

You weren't expecting someone to actually feel like you were representing them and making them feel seen. You didn't think you had enough of an impact for that. You certainly weren't treated that way when you weren't famous. Nobody really even noticed you before.

You could feel Pedro’s eyes on your face, his thumb swirling circles and hearts over the space of skin on the top of your hand, below your thumb. The place where his bullseye resides on his own. Does he trace that tattoo when he's nervous, the same way he is with me? Perhaps his tracing of your hand is calming himself as much as it is for you.

Desperately, you wanted to look over at him and be comforted by his deep brown eyes, but doing so would cause people to wonder who you made eye contact with and smiled at. So instead, you gave a gentle squeeze and a smile towards the screen, hoping he would understand. 

-“Hi, I'm a big fan of yours. Can I ask… is what you said on your album true? You've never been kissed before? I haven't either and I was starting to feel like I'm just a freak.”

“Oh, honey, you aren't a freak. Everyone has things happen at different times in their life. But yes, everything I wrote in my album at the time I wrote it was true. And don't worry, I have felt the same way. Seeing others be kissed, falling in love… having the things I wasn't, it really hurts. But it'll be okay.. nothing is wrong with you. You're deserving of love.”

You hoped they wouldn't pick up on your usage of past-tense wording. Pedro, still holding your hand, rubbed his other hand over your arm gently.

-“Wait… at the time you wrote it? What about now?”

The comments were going wild.

Welp…

Your hands shook, and you used your opposite hand to place on top of Pedro’s that gripped yours. He squeezed gently, feeling the nervous tremors pass through your body, continuing to rub gentle strokes over your arm with his opposite hand.

“Uhm…” your cheeks heated and your stomach sank.

“I've changed a lot since this album was first written. Experienced new things. But I'm still the same person.”

Shit.

-“Who did you kiss?! Is it the guy in your song?”

-“Will you tell us who the song is about?”

-“Wait a second… you're that girl aren't you!?!!!! The one in the pictures with Pedro Pascal!!!!”

-“OMG IT IS”

-“!!!!!!!”

-“IS HE THE GUY!?!”

-“ARE YOU DATING!?!”

The nervous tremors continued, now threatening to cause your teeth to chatter. A full panic attack was brewing. Pedro squeezed your hand again, touching your knee and trying to do his best to ground you without speaking up on your live video. Skipper could feel the waves of anxiousness pooling off of you as well and crawled forward to settle his body across your feet. You took a few calming breaths, but when you went to speak, your voice still betrayed you.

“I..” your voice cracked, shakiness evident as you could feel tears starting to edge their way towards your vision.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I need to shut it off.

You shut your eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to ease your nausea and stress. 

Keeping your eyes closed, you spoke. “Yes.”

You took another deep breath. “Yes it was me, yes the song was about him. Yes.”

You opened your eyes to read the comments, tears pooling down your cheeks as you couldn't hold back your emotion anymore.

This is so embarrassing. The first time I show my face I'm crying and having an anxiety attack in front of the whole world.

You swallowed, choking back the full sobs that your body wanted to let loose. Wiping your face with the back of your hand, you began to read the comments, expecting laughter, criticism, and bullying. Instead, you were met with kindness.

Coming back to your senses, you gave a shaky smile. “Thank you guys. I'm sorry for my emotions.” You sniffled. Pedro was still rubbing your hands and arms, comforting you, having never stopped. His eyes still bore into the side of your head, and you knew he was struggling to not speak up or grab you fully. 

-“Oh my God, are you okay?”

-“I didn't mean to make you cry I'm so sorry”

-“You and Pedro make a cute couple”

-“Oh no, please don't cry”

-“Idk if you guys are dating but you seem cute”

-“I'm so glad you guys are spending time together when he's the guy in your song”

-“It'll be okay, please don't be upset”

-“You're amazing, we love you”

“Yes, Pedro and I have been spending a lot of time talking after he publicly commented on my song a few months ago. The party was the first time we met in person and we're still figuring things out,” you let go of your worries and broke eye contact with the camera, looking to your side to meet Pedro’s gaze. “But… we're happy.” You smiled at him. He smiled back gently, squeezing your hand, worry and sadness plaguing his face over your well-being. Breaking eye contact, you looked back at the screen.

You giggled before answering “well, I think that's all we have time for today. Thank you all for joining me!” You silently clicked off the stream, closing the browser, turning off the computer, and turning to Pedro. He grabbed your other hand in his, now holding both. “Are you okay?” He asked, concern etched in his face.

-“AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

-“IS HE THERE WITH YOU!?!”

-“whaaaaat”

-“SCREAMING”

-“Shut. Up. This is insane.”

-“YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT”

“I think so,” you nodded.

“Seeing you panic and not being able to do anything without potentially making it worse… It killed me. I'm so sorry. I just wanted to pull you into my arms and end that video myself. I hated seeing you so upset.” He stared down at your intertwined hands, rubbing his thumb over them again. 

“I appreciate you being here for me,” you let go of his hand to stroke his cheek. “I couldn't have done that without you.” You met his eyes, leaning forward to rest against his forehead. He let out a shaky breath. “I love you. I'm so proud of you.”

“I love you too,” you replied with a smile. “Let's move to the couch, huh?” You asked, pulling him up from the chair. He stood, just as your phone rang, a call from Rose. You quickly answered.

“I saw the live stream. You did wonderful! Don't worry about any of the negative comments you saw or any stories that come out of this. I'll handle it all.”

“Thanks, Rose.”

“Anytime. Take care.” She hung up.

You updated Pedro as the two of you walked towards the couch. “Do you want breakfast?” He asked.

“Maybe in a minute. Can I just hold onto you for a few minutes?”

“I would love nothing more.”

He sat on the couch, you sitting next to him, before he gave you a look. “What?” you laughed. He patted his leg.

“Let me hold you.”

“I'm too heavy for that Pedro, don't be ridiculous,” you shook your head.

“You're the one being ridiculous.” He reached over, pulling you into his lap. “I'm too heavy! You're going to hurt yourself,” you whined.

“You're not too heavy. You're the perfect size, baby. Come here,” he pulled you forward, your body sliding down his thighs as he wrapped his arms around you. You straddled his lap, knees on either side of his hips while he rubbed your back gently. You placed your arms around him, nuzzling into his neck and closing your eyes. You both sighed, and he grabbed a blanket next to him to pull over your bodies. “I could stay like this for hours, wrapped in your arms” you sighed comfortably. 

“Why don't you?” He turned his head to kiss your lips. You lifted your face up, taking your head off his shoulder to kiss him deeper. The kisses were lazy and comfortable, holding each other and enjoying the warmth of being in each other's arms.

Finally the two of you broke the kiss, settling back on his shoulder, him tilting his head to lean against yours. His hands sprawled over your back, pulling you forward a bit to adjust in his lap. You let out a soft whimper at the contact, fully aware of the location your bodies connected at the moment. “Feel how much you mean to me?” He asked, his breath ghosting your ear as he pulled your hips forward again. You whined. “Yes..” you answered breathlessly. The temptation to keep doing that was overwhelming. But he once again wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as the two of you comfortably dozed off, finally relaxed after so much stress of the morning.

Hours later, you stirred, feeling Pedro still underneath you. At the feel of you moving, he stretched a bit before settling with his arms around you again. “Morning, baby” he hummed. “Guess we fell asleep,” you smiled.

“Some of the best sleep I've had in a while, here with you.”

“Same here.” You blinked your eyes open, kissing him on the lips with a peck. “What time is it?”

He turned his head to look at the clock on your TV. “5 o’clock” he laughed. “Guess we both needed some rest.” 

“Mmmm, I guess so,” you hummed, settling into him more.

“Good thing I brought nonperishables. Are you hungry?”

You pondered. “Yeah, I am,” you looked into his deep brown eyes. “Breakfast for dinner?” You smiled at him.

“Sounds perfect.” He pecked your lips before you slid off his lap, the two of you standing to stretch. It wasn't long that you two stood apart before you leapt forward again to give him a hug. He laughed, hugging you back. “I'll never get tired of being in your arms,” you smiled into his chest, breathing in his scent.

“I'll never get tired of holding you in mine,” he pulled his face back to look at you.

“Now let's eat! I'm starved,” you scampered towards the kitchen, him giving a gentle pat to your butt before hugging you from behind as you grabbed the breakfast foods. You giggled, setting food on plates as he kissed your neck, still wrapped around you from behind. “I'm starving too,” he replied back to your earlier statement with a growl, biting your ear.

“Pedro!” You giggled, smacking his arm gently. He chuckled, pulling away and grabbing his plate as you both headed to the table.

The two of you ate, filling the space with light conversation, both of you occasionally sneaking Skipper some bites under the table. He could get used to having two humans spoiling him.

The chatter came to a natural pause, eating in silence and smiling at each other across the table. Pedro stopped eating, wiping his hands and continuing to stare at you. You laughed, asking him what was up. Suddenly, he looked nervous.

“I, uh…” he rubbed his neck. “I was going to wait until after we had at least a first date to say this, but…” he trailed off, and your mind spiraled. Is he breaking up with me? Is he not interested anymore? What's wrong?

“I was wondering if… you'd be my girlfriend? Exclusively?” His cheeks flushed.

You stammered, dropping your fork on the plate. “You… you want… me to be your girlfriend?” You smiled.

He nodded. “If… you'll have me.”

“You want to be my boyfriend?” He nodded again, looking down at the table.

“Yes. Yes, are you kidding? Please! I'd love nothing more.” You grinned, jumping out of your chair to move to him.

He stood, pulling you into a hug. “Really?” He smiled at you.

“Really,” you nodded. “Now kiss me,” you held his face.

“Gladly,” he pulled you closer, kissing you deeply, his tongue asking for entrance to your mouth. You squealed, surprised, but letting him in. You'd never experienced this sensation before. But it was… incredible.

He licked your lips, the two of you exploring the inside of each other's mouths, tongues dancing together. The kiss was heated and deeper than ever before, both of you finally pulling away for air, him coming back in to peck your lips a few times, sucking your lip between his own. You sighed shakily. “Wow.”

“I love kissing you,” he smiled against your lips.

“I love kissing you. You're a good kisser,” you smiled back.

“So are you,” he smirked. “My beautiful girlfriend.” He gave a kiss. “How about that date tomorrow?” He pulled away to look at you, letting his hand rub across your lower back, just above your butt.

“I'd love to,” you stroked his face. “My handsome boyfriend.” You wrapped your arms around him again, blissfully.

“Tomorrow,” you two sighed in unison.

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97 @stefanibear003 @marantha @fandomoniumflurry @ilovemybrown-eyedbabygirl @leiadjarin @hmneighbors

Thank you for reading!!! Let me know what you think ❤️

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

[discoveredreality]

intro post <3

don't mind me editing this like every single day lol

my dm's and askbox is always open if u want to talk <3

anons are welcome too <3

also if u want to make new friends i am right here pls say hi im fucking lonely😭

anyways

BELOVED MOOTS <33333 (everyone is tagging them and this is fun)

this in no particular order just whoever pops up on my dash or smth idk. not every moots just the ones i actually know lol. ok so

@im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon THEY'RE AMAZING LOVE THEM SM IF U DON'T FUCK OFF BECAUSE OMG KJHLGJKFJHLKYFJHKJGL

@ma-lan13 HELP MY BESTIE IRL GOT TUMBLR OMG OMG. AND SHES ACTUALLY USING IT WTF?????? ANYWAYS SHES THE BEST <333

@bloophasarrived SHE'S THE SWEETEST AND SO WONDERFUL. HER PERSONALITY SPARKLES AND OMG SHE'S SO FUN AHHH

@marylily-my-beloved I LOVE HERRR WE HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS. SO NICE AND EASY TO TALK TO. AND WHY DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL <3333

@im-just-here4853 my vent buddy omg we just vent to each other i love her so much idk what i would do without her <33

@im-on-crack-send-help TWINNING IN LITERALLY EVERYTHING. SAME MUSIC TASTE. SAME TASTE IN FOOD. IN DRINKS. IN THE WAY WE THINK. WTF. ANYWAYS SHE'S MY POOKIE I LOVE HER <333

@the-gay-skeleton-in-ur-closet THEY'RE THE BEST OMGGGGG and they're nice and cool and shit <333333 i'm quoting myself it's fine AND LIKE SO NICE AND GOOFY AND EVERYTHING OMG

@cubemagnet somene i met on a random post and now we occasionally team up to correct grammar lol 🤓🤓🤓 anyways she's amazing :D and everything she says is so iconic like isjflsrijglruhglsuglijrsg

@book-girl4eva SHE'S AMAZINGGGGG. IT'S SO EASY TO GOOF AROUND W HER I LOVE IT. SHE ALWAYS SLAYS SO HARD. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SLAYS. idk if you'll see this but this is for u pookie <3

@mil-pinterest-sss-here-i-am ??? questioning why we're moots. but he's literally so nice. literally will be my therapist and help me w maths because that shit is impossible 😭

@dandelionflowery omg literally so kind and everything all the time. so fun fun reading their fics and doing shit together omg

@sweetwarmcookies16 OMG RIJGDJFGIJFGIF THE BEST I LOVE PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER AND TALKING AND EVERYTHING. ALSO AN AMAZING WRITER

idk brain isnt braining ill add ppl as i go along

moodboards made by my lovely lovely moots <3

so far i only have one here cause i forgot to link the previous ones whoops 😭😭😭

about me

i'm ari. she/her. nicknames welcome. go wild. dude/bro/girl/literally anything is also fine. i use 'lol' and '<3' too much. minor. literally the biggest procrastinator and so disorganised i dare u to find someone worse than me. i'm indian but i live in australia. bengali/north indian idk. band kid :D my pinterest is here. PLEASE DM ME IF U WANT TO. I NEED FRIENDS. IM AWKWARD AND BAD AT MAKING CONVERSATION BUT STILL PLS 😭😭😭

personality/star sign or whatever

according to the mbti test here i am an istp-t. i am also a cancer. i found out my sun, moon and rising signs and the marauders version and i wrote it down and lost it so then i redid it and i lost it again so i can't bother at this point someone help me :(

time zone

Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) i think?? SUCK ON THAT AMERICANS AND WHOEVER ELSE EHHEHEHHEHE ;LSDJFSFJIJFDJF;LJ

my music taste

i love taylor swift, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, sabrina carpenter and honestly a lot of other stuff lol. also love bollywood music.

favourite books and authors

i love reading and i'm usually a really fast reader lol. i love harry potter (fuck jkr tho), kotlc, chetan bhagat books, the inheritance games, agggtm, literally all of karen m. mcmanus's books, the divergent series, pjo and hoo, lorien legacies, the selection, powerless, soc, girl in pieces, dictionary of lost words and bookbinder of jericho, all the books by amish, and a bunch of other books.

dni

idk the usual?? if u think ppl arent valid or you're literally an asshole. honestly you all can go get stuffed. idgaf

tag games and shit

yes you can absolutely tag me. i love tag games and chain asks. sometimes i may not get to doing it but i usually will and it makes me so happy when i'm tagged lol

tags

i don't post that much stuff so i don't really have mulitple tags for my posts. anything or any shitposting or thoughts will be tagged #ari's shit. for asks it's #ari gets an ask?

fandoms!

i'm literally obsessed with drarry but i'm mostly part of the marauders fandom. i'm starting to make my way through all of the marauders fics. i love love love hermitcraft. i'm an ethogirl literally who doesn't love etho?? also really into trafficblr. i literally love six of crows so much like omg. desperately trying to get through the magnus archives im only 8 years late haha i also love kotlc sm. (team foster-keefe forever!) i'm low-key in love with keefe sencen cause omg. aaaand also a bunch of other shit but those are the main ones idk bro

i'm bored and this is too long already might as well add more so here are a bunch of userboxes :D

and that's all not because i have self control but because there is a limit to images per post 😭😭😭 i literally had to delete some of my aesthetic images for this soooo

all the above photos are not mine, i got them off of pintrest.

my profile pic is obviously from the makowka picrew here

the beautiful dividers are linked here. these are by @saradika-graphics she is a literal star these dividers are so good

IK THIS IS WAY TOO FUCKING LONG AND I KEEP ON ADDING SHIT MORE SHIT SO IF U ACTUALLY LIKE READ TO THE BOTTOM THIS HERE IS FOR U LMFAO ILYSM <333333

[qoldenskies]

Babagril I adore clipped wings and you are feeding my insatiable hunger for heavy angst and impeccable writing but I am a littol concerned about how fast you're putting chapters out recently. I know they've been on the shorter side compared to the beginning but plase don't push yourself too hard okies? We can wait, I just don't want you getting burnt out or something :(

Also you are so meanies to us why must Donnie constantly go through the horrors its the fic ive always craved and I am sobbing, thank youuu

hey hey im fine!! i should probably clarify that im genuinely just a fast writer and im. yknow. an unemployed 18 year old who doesnt have much to do other than stuff like this, and im fed and moved along by all the praise and kindness. you dont have to worry about me!! honestly a HUGE thing im aiming for while writing CW is the joy of getting to complete something, i actually crank these chapters out in like a sitting if im in a good mood LOL (theyre kind of scrappy, but im trying to combat my perfectionism. pretty much every time ive said im gonna take a bit i find myself too excited to, ive got a big hyperfixation on CC at the moment and all of the good reception has gotten me even more hyped bghdghfh. you have NO idea how much i stare at the fanart you guys have made for me ily....). for my next project i plan on writing a lot in advance and pacing myself better (especially because i want to do longer chapters for it), but for CW im happy to just speed through!!

^^ helped along by the fact that im trying to avoid making chapters long for the sake of it now. i dont really have a goal in mind for wordcount with this next set, because i think i want to think in what progresses more than that

and thank you!! teehee the thing i want to move to next is so much sillier but i do enjoy taking a real good dip into The Horrors....... not sure where i'll be going after wwww but its planned to be a HUGE undertaking anyway. but i will probably be returning to the horrors. and maybe CVD ive missed her my love

[drivebyanon]

Me, coming into Tumblr, all excited to spoil myself a little in the Bucktommy tag before watching the episode:

Wow. What terrible timing to have a breakup like this (at least for our side of the fandom) when we all just want (desperately need) love and hope.

Saying that, I have a different perspective than most but please mind you, I haven’t read the interviews and I’m an overly optimistic person. I’m hoping this is NOT the end.

This is 911, they love to torture their characters and their fans and I’m not convinced it’s over. Some things I am considering:

Oliver has hinted recently about how will they/won’t they make the best stories so I kinda knew something might be coming

A major Abby bomb was dropped and that was just going to be it? They really decided to go there after all our joking about it. And that is it? 🫤 There is more story to be told. Especially how Tommy Freaked the Fuck out! We need, dare I say deserve, a deeper conversation.

People have ignored the Glee conversation with Josh. How silly it may seem, it is important because yes, there was two different realities for lgbtq+ people before and after acceptance became more mainstream because of shows like Glee & Drag Race. Tommy as an older gay man who lived closeted, especially under the misogynistic tyrant of Gerrard, is a wounded bird. And so he reacts like one, by protecting himself from more pain. He can’t seem to accept that Buck would want him forever. He’s afraid. He’s just waiting for Buck to leave him. It would be such a loss if the writers didn’t address these story plots they just dropped in this episode. To really tell this story of what it was like to exist before Glee.

Buck went to old patterns. He is afraid of losing someone so he jumps right in to moving things forward fast, 0 - 60 in 5 seconds. “Will you move in with me.” Right after dropping the Abby bomb? Like come on man! That’s enough to make anyone’s head spin.

@dianaflynn22 pointed out that the parallel storyline was Maddie and Chim. Need we remind people that the 1st season Maddie arrived she became friends with Chim, decided to date him, got kidnapped by her crazy ex and then took a break dating Chim before the season even ended. The road to love on this show is NEVER smooth. I mean come on, even Hen and Karen broke up for awhile after she cheated!

We also haven’t talked about THE dinner date. That was filmed awhile back and we all know was supposed to be reflective of how they began. And once again they were interrupted, and once again Tommy’s insecurities reared their ugly head. Because even if he denied it, he was jealous, he was worried, he remembered what happened with Eddie before (PTSD much).

Apparently Oliver hints at Buck going back to his old ways? I hope I’m not wrong about this, but I think he will fail spectacularly. He’ll try and realize he has moved forward. Am I being too optimistic? Most likely yes. I would like this to push him forward to to confront Tommy and be like “What the hell! You’re a self-sabotaging moron!” And have the real conversation/argument that’s needed. And Tommy needs his own “Come to Jesus” moment. Maybe for once he needs to fight for his own happiness and fight for Buck.

And now that I read this all back and think about it, this was an episode not about Buck but about Tommy’s demons, his failings at his engagement, his emotional shutdown, his insecurities, his self-sabotage. For a show that’s going to move on from this character, they sure set up A LOT to build upon with Tommy.

So I am hopeful that this is not the end. That this is the story they always meant to tell and they are dragging it out. 😬🤞🏽Sometimes I wish Pandora kept that damn box closed because hope can be a cruel creature thing.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - There's so much airing even I'm struggling to keep up

That's why I'm late.

Aug 2023 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Laws of Attraction (Sat iQIYI) 6 of 8 - Oh no. I am totally in love with the escaped young master & his smitten bodyguard. How did that happen? (Be careful P’Thee the broken ones are the most tempting. Tin understands.) NO SINGING! Trust Thai BL to destroy any moment of sentiment I might have by picking up a damn guitar. And we finally get Charn’s Batman villain origin story. Good use of back hug! This is a GREAT show. Melodramatic as fuck, but GREAT. Gotta say this pair in NOT Thailand’s best kissers but not everyone can be Zee++. Still I think that + singing + a touch of overacting is likely to keep this out of the 10/10 club.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - Rich /poor dynamic with characters & set up exactly as expected. Chimon is great. Perth is good too. A real rich-kid bully, Heirs level or Japanese F4 evil. All the teachers are also corrupt (that’s kinda a Thai thing, I think because they can't call out the government). I gotta say, Marc is doing a bang-up job as the jock friend, too. And the kiss twist was fun. All in all, this is good. And you know me, I love a high school BL.

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Sat YT) ep 1 of 12 - The time travel historical romance many of us have been waiting for. Adaption of y-novel by Violet Rain, from the producers of Lovely Writer. Heartbroken architect is transported to the 1930s. Nonkul (actor playing Jom) keeps reminding me of Cho Han Gyeol from Love Mate. It’s a bit slow to start but interesting when it hits its stride. The pacing feels like a Chinese historical (makes me wonder if this with be 4 or 6 act structure). Nonkul is a wonderful actor. They weren’t sharing the screen for long, but the leads seem good together. I’m in. 

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 2 of 10 - Well. It’s entertaining, I'll say that for it. Addiction. Manipulation. Queer as folk & all that jazz. (No jazz for you, Thailand. Oh no! I’m giving them ideas.) I would like it to turn out that Mew is actually manipulating everything. This is his revenge con on Top. Mew is, after all, supposed to be "the smart one." Gotta say, this is darn near perfect casting. But honestly? This show could just be about Ray & Sand. Their story (and them in it) is easily the most riveting. Sand better be careful, the wildly broken ones are always the best in bed, because they don’t care ao they have no shame and that's HOT.

Hidden Agenda (Sun GMMTV YouTube) ep 6 of 10 - I like how soft Joke’s version of seme flirting is. It’s mellow, like his voice gets with Zo. I also liked Zo casually chatting to his friends about how he feels about being flirted with. His friends gave good advice & were supportive. Oh no! A boy in a BL went into the rain ALONE. What ON EARTH will happen next? The argument was interesting, because it gave us insight into Zo’s maturity & ability to handle a relationship. I’ve been wondering why anyone would like him, and now I know. Joke & Nita’s backstory is fun. I like the gay boy protecting the straight girl reverse beard action. On a complete aside, I really like Dunk’s makeup in this series. It’s very Kdrama.

Low Frequency (Sat iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - The house ghosts trying to help are cute. The plot is at least... a plot? I don’t know. Dias Ex Mafia is a new one on me. (COME ON THAT’S A GREAT PUN, PRAISE ME!) I’m ready for this show to be over. 

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 7 of 12 - Honestly, the whole time I’m watching this I’m just thinking I wish JaFirst got better scripts. Speaking of, I don’t object, but these characters sure moved into sex fast. I really don’t quite understand how Daddy & Hot Doc got together so fast either. It feels like their story was meant to be spread out into the other episodes but didn’t get cut in properly, so it ended up all in this one? Or is it just the pacing is particularly bad in this show?

Dinosaur Love (Sun iQIYI) ep 8 of 10 eps - I have no idea what is going on. What are all of Dino’s friends doing? What do they want? what’s their point in the story? I’m even annoyed by Peak, and love him. Sex scene which they tried to make sexy. Operative word being tried. Although, there was some interesting after sex discussion about mechanics. And there was a cute bathtub chat about pet names. But this show is a lotta work for very little pay out. 

Wedding Plan (Wed YT & iQIYI) ep 5 of 7 - I like the sunshine sides? PUNCH LOM 2023! Trash watch here!

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Pushy older bro is Earn from Love Sick, yay! And he’s the hyung of a side couple, which is "best friend’s older brother" trope! My favorite!!!! Have we seen this in BL before? I don't think so. Anyway, DOUBLE YAY! The main couple… eh. You know I loathe stalker characters. And I viscerally HATE this one. Almost as bad as SCOY, not sure I can take it, actually. The squealing of "Tammy!" is worse on my ear than any off-key guitar strumming. I may have to DNF or fast forward through all his parts… but he’s the lead. What to do? I do like the “Chinese” businessman actor. He very cute. (On an aside, I was just reading about commercial real estate as the loophole for foreign property investors in Thailand. Cool plot point.) I’m getting a Taming of the Shrew vibes from this. Just me? For now it's living at the bottom of the list for sheer unadulterated loathing of Phumjai. Not the actor, he was my favorite and only good thing about Our Days. But this character? NO.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Jun & Jun (Korea Thur Viki) ep 5 of 8 - This is basically the gay Boys Over Flowers of my heart. Or as close as I think we’ll get from BL. I like both of the 2nd leads, even though I suspect Simon of actually being into everyone’s fav hyung. Cute to see the Mr Heart boys back on my screen, oh so briefly. Such a Taiwan trick, reusing a beloved couple like that. Nice gimmie to the fans. Meanwhile, Choi Jun - boy sure knows his angles but his motives? Please don’t let this be another arranged marriage beard situation? I can’t take 2 in the same month. 

Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - The boyfriends ep! JC is biggest simp spoiling his baby EVER. Taiwan = the sappiest of saps. “Owning the same key” is such a cute way of putting it. Also I love the "knew all along" twist, made me happy. The angst is silly but that's normal in Taiwanese BL. 

Love Class Season 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 3-4 of 10 - Pair 1: Lee Hyun is such a wide-open, bleeding, no-shame romantic. It’s kinda great. Boy has a poet’s soul & NO artifice. J-Min is startlingly good, very nuanced. I know I keep saying that, but I’m v surprised by his skillz. And… add in creepy stalker, goody. Pair 2: The "other student couple" I’m not into, also NO SINGING. Pair 3: The underwear gift was so fucking funny. “I’m going reap the boxers I sewed” is next level script excellence. These two are brilliant at gayest-of-gay flirt-negging, I'm INTO IT. One of my housemates said, in response to my audible cackling, "You seem to be enjoying your shows extra much tonight."  

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - Oh I love love love them. It’s so old school yaoi and SO JBL. No other country could produce this kind of show. I love this little feminist aspect where the weatherman treats his boy like a 1950s housewife & said boy thinks that makes him an indentured servant. Clocks. But also, the way our weatherman LOOKS at his boy. He is so in love. (It looks like we skip next week for holiday reasons?) 

Sing My Crush (Korea Wed iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 8 - It remains enjoyable. 

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - At least we know Minato actually desires Shin, he just won’t do anything about it. Also, Minato chose the perfect person to come out to. That's nice for him. Finally, Shu & Asuka are glorious. Sides are winning these days.

Stay Still (Hong Kong Tues YouTube) ep 3 of 5 - A proper faen fatal has entered one of our couples. She won too, since she ended up marrying the boy. Still not sure about this show (and it should have convinced me by now). I definitely like the tattoo couple better than the reunion couple. Still, not a lot happened in this episode and this is short series, they don’t have time to waste. It remains intriguing but not... erm... good.

In case you missed it

River Knows Fish Heart is leaving Gaga soon. It's a decent little bully romance Chinese BL (pulp) - yes, you read that right. Actual CBL. Not great, but if you're into the CBL stuff, especially the early stuff, this has some of that tenor only made in 2018 (I have a feeling it was shot in 2017 and skated through). Anygay, just staying. Catch it before it disappears because with CBL once they gone, often, they gone forever.

Friend. Boy Friend a new Thai BL pulp was supposed to start airing on Aug 19th. I can't find it. Neither can MDL.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Everything from Thailand seems to be dropping on Sat & Sun this month. It's a good thing I got quiet weekends for a while. Also the BL firehose is upon us, so much content.

Starting this week:

8/20 (tomorrow) My Universe series (Sun iQIYI) 24 eps - This is sampler pack BL, 12 pairs, each pair gets 2 eps, not sure on the order they’ll drop. Known couples include EarthBank from Destiny Seeker and KaownahTurbo from Love Stage!!!, fresh faces otherwise. Jane to direct.

8/22 Kisseki: Dear to Me formerly known as Miracle (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) 13 eps - From screenwriter Lin Pei Yu (We Best Love, H3: Trapped) features a student doctor forced to take care of a gangster. I love the premise and like the writer.  

8/23 Why R U? (Korean remake iQIYI) 8 eps - I find everything about this hilarious. I mean if Korea remakes it, we lose all the sexy and then... would we have a story at all? No we would not. Not even for 8 short eps. It’d be like one of those mesh shopping bags.

8/24 Man Suang (Thailand movie, domestic cinema release) - historical drama about Thai burlesque with KP’s MileApo. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Another show reviewing itself. (Dino Love)

Don't insult bastards, Lom. (Wedding trash)

I would like this adorable romcom GMMTV, please and thank you.

See what I mean? Trixy.

Thanks boys. (All Only Friends)

(Last week) 

[alexitheslayer02]

My Inane OC Ramblings

Why are Ning Yun and Wukong are a thing? Cause I said so! Okay, in all seriousness from a story standpoint. I do adhere to the same headcanon this person @newkatzkafe2023 has. That if someone gives Wukong a run for his money in a fight, that he will interested. One look at Ning Yun's design and people will no doubt have questions as to how in any world Ning Yun can apply to this rule XD Fair question (that no one asked). Your friendly neighborhood fox and monkey lover shall explain.

------------------- I always tend to look through an RPG lens, cause I'm a gamer girl as well as writer hhh So *pulls out DnD stats* How I see it- Wukong has most of his stat points in strength, dexterity, and a few in arcane and intelligence. Ning Yun's stat points are mostly in arcane, intelligence, and wisdom with a few in dexterity. Polar opposites. Basically the classic warrior and wizard/sorcerer tag team. Also take in mind, I don't know how many people heard of this show, so if you know, you know. Ning Yun is basically my Frieren. (Kinda funny, since that anime has "Beyond Journey's End" in the title) Ning Yun was the Archivist for the Celestials. His library contained thousands to millions of books and tomes from across the known, and unknown, world, gathered by his fox spirits, right at his fingertips. Ning Yun is certainly not stupid. So of freaking course he would take advantage of this. Studying these books cover to cover, time and again, often repeatedly. Imagine all the books on the occult, on magic, on the practices the invoke such magic. Ning Yun, having lived for centuries to millennia, has practiced, perfected, and even fine tuned what he has learned, like Frieren in her respective world. Now, the magic in Jttw is kinda... hard to grasp sometimes for me personally. From what I gather, it is deeply rooted in Chinese philosophies (Taoism is one of the ones mentioned, the other I keep forgetting, please remind me. I think it was Daoism?). I don't know a lot about Chinese culture, I am still learning. So what I take from is mainly from media related to it, like Black Myth or Wo Long, mainly Wo Long. So that is my main reference. Yes, I said that Ning Yun's main specialty is illusion and shapeshifting. Those are his default skills as a fox spirit turned celestial fox. (from research I learned that in folklore, foxes are often associated with illusions and shapeshifting. And yes, I also know they are commonly associated with women. According to what I looked up, SOME legends speak of male foxes in Chinese lore. Either way THIS IS FICTION!!)

From his library, he gained more magic. Sealing, offensive, curses, and so on. So, what about a fight? Firstly, depends on what you mean by fight. Are we talking duel? Sparring? Fight to the death? If duel, what are the rules? If the rules restrict magic, Ning Yun is getting his ass beat, no question about that. If it restricts hand to hand or with weapons, then Wukong might face defeat (if he follows those rules that is). Sparring with both holding back? I don't know. Fight to the death. Wukong can't die XD Ning Yun will get worn out and get himself beat. But in all seriousness, it depends on how they both take that fight. They have their own strategies. If Wukong gets touched, and Ning Yun thinks fast, Wukong might be faced with one of Ning Yun's direct nightmare illusions, and find himself fighting a mental breakdown >:) (if you read my thing about that, then you know exactly what I am talking about) Again, it all depends on how they react to each other and their respective capabilities. Anything can happen in a fight. Ning Yun is at a physical disadvantage. His strategic thinking and magical capabilities however, could win Wukong's respect however.

[gareleia]

THE KNITTING SAGA CONTINUES

update: my co-writer friend FINALLY got a tumblr account, so I can tag them now!!

previously: part 1

next: part 3 part 4 part 5

a continuation because I have no impulse control and am in dire need of more Aeolus content

first of all, let's establish one thing - and I think we can all agree on that - Aeolus loves to fuck with people. they are a benevolent(-ish?) trickster deity, and they revel in harmless pranks

as a consequence, they are on pretty good terms with Hermes. while Hermes doesn't care much for the 'small fry' and doesn't pay that much attention to the wind god most of the time, Aeolus has their winions follow the messenger god religiously (pun intended), because? where Hermes goes, shenanigans always follow.

so when they get the tea that he's apparently hanging out on that one random Greek island, playing nanny? oh, they know it's gotta be good. so naturally, they go to check it out.

well, turns out that Athena is also there, and both of them are sooo bad with babies, it's hilarious

Athena, holding baby!Telemachus: Ehhh, shouldn't it be eating more meat? it's body is so weak, it can't even hold a spear! Hermes, exasperated: oh my me, 'thena, that's not how humans work!! babies eat liquids first!! how can you not know that!! here you go, champ, drink some wine!! Aeolus, hiding in the leaves: holy shit these guys are dumb

so now they can't just leave Telemachus alone with Athena and Hermes! they might not be an expert on child rearing, but surely they can do better than those two dorks! and the baby is adorable.

so they decide to stick around. just for a little bit. a week tops.

fast forward a few years, and they have been raising the prince of Ithaca

Aeolus: *shocked pikachu face*

and Aeolus is the much needed chaotic good influence to Hermes' chaotic neutral and Athena's lawful neutral.

the thing is, Aeolus is really good at hiding. so good, in fact, that no one but Telemachus had even realized they are here. everyone else just thinks that the prince has an invisible friend which, well… they're not wrong?.. and it's not like other kids are exactly lining up to be his friends anyway, cause everyone thinks he's weird (or their parents don't want to catch the attention of the suitors)

and the gods think that it's because they hang around too much and Telemachus can't make friends because of them. so maybe they try to spend less time in Ithaca, for his own good. which only makes things worse, because now the boy is upset, and Aeolus and winions have to try extra hard to cheer him up, which pisses them off.

Athena & Hermes: oh, goodness us, we shall try not to interfere too much with the mortal affairs, so that the young prince grows up healthy and happy ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Telemachus: (T⌓T) Aeolus: ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ

and then they have to subtle bully the two dumb fucks to come back.

on a less serious note, Aeolus also has a sweet tooth, especially for marshmallows (idgaf there weren't any marshmallows in Mycenaean Greece, they're a god. they can make all the damn marshmallows they want)

and of course, since they are sooo generous, they always share with Telemachus.

what they don't know(?) is that winions, who all get their own treats, also collectively share them with the baby, because they are secretly evil adorable little freaks.

which results in a very hyper prince sugar rushing seemingly out of nowhere.

Telemachus, running all around the palace and crackling madly: I AM SPEED- Penelope, unimpressed: and who, pray tell, had given my son sweets right before dinner? Athena, equally unimpressed: yes, I would also like to know. Hermes, sweating nervously: heyyyy, why are you all looking at me like that???? ( ಠ‿ಠ ) Aeolus, from behind a tree, unseen by anyone: (｡•̀U-)┘

Hermes always gets blamed.

It's the only time he doesn't do the thing

and he's seething, because nobody believes him.

[eliotquillon]

i actually really like the snappy pacing of s4 (even if i’m not overly crazy about the whole Fellow Finding Reality Show arc) and i honestly think it benefited from the shortened episode count BUT that said. so curious about what s4 might have been like if the writers strike hadn’t necessitated cutting it short. i think the overall shape of it would’ve been the same (house’s head/wilson’s heart are just too good) but here’s a list of stuff i think we would’ve seen/i would’ve liked to have seen if s4 had had a full 24 episodes:

-i think we probably would’ve gotten a lot more chase and cameron (and specifically Chameron Relationship Moments). this is based on the fact that a) we do get more of those in s5, when the episode count goes back to normal, b) we got so much build-up with them in the second half of s3 (i am not immune to punching the air when cameron shows up at chase's apartment in the s3 finale) that it does feel a bit weird that we barely see them together, and c) cameron especially does get a few moments of trying to prove she's the Best House Whisperer this season combined with the documentary episode of her making chase watch her chant 'i am not in love with house :)' in the mirror and i think there would've been more made of that if there'd been more episodes

-AMBER. i think we would've gotten a hell of a lot more amber + that her and wilson would've been together longer. i also think we would've seen a lot more of house and amber which imo is the main downside of this season being so short - house's head seems to allude to him having a crush on her by the time of the crash? or like. at least respecting her as a person which is more than you can say for most people. and i think a longer episode count would've allowed us to see more of that and/or let that simmer and fester for longer. anyway. amber in any capacity. send tweet.

-call me crazy but i think we would've seen more cole. i know we already get a disproportionate amount of focus/info on him given that he's never heard from or mentioned again after house fires him but part of me wonders if this is because he was supposed to have come back in another guest role at the tail end of the season and then that got cut but the rest of his stuff remained. would've been cool to lock him and cameron in a room together since she essentially goaded him into violence and all. maybe i just have too much faith in the writers for this one

-call me crazy again but a part of me wonders if this might have been The Huddy season. both because i read somewhere that lisa edelstein apparently had a sign saying that shippers should support the strike if they wanted more huddy (#based, always support a picket line) but also because like. the huddy slowburn is ridiculously long. by the time they got together i wasn’t even rooting for them anymore i was just ready for the arc to be over (and to be clear: i really like huddy). this is really speculative territory because obviously it wouldve had a massive knock on effect on later seasons (most of s5 and s6 gets knocked over by this) but like at the very least i think they probably would’ve kissed by the end of a full-length s4.

-i think it would’ve taken a bit longer for foreman to rejoin the team/he would’ve been a bit more of a stinker about it. emphasis on ‘bit’; i actually like how quick it is he regresses back to the fellowship/how fast he immediately resorts to malpractice at mercy (now there’s a spinoff title) but i think he probably would’ve stuck it out for another episode longer. maybe one and a half.

-absolutely we would’ve had a comedic subplot in some random episode about people trying to guess thirteen’s real name/their reaction to it. iirc the first time we heard her Actual name said Out Loud is with cuddy yelling at her over air bubble guy in house’s head. if there’d been time i just know there would’ve been a moment about this. that said i do find the canon reveal really fucking funny because for a moment when i first watched that episode i was like ‘who the FUCK is dr hadley’ which was probably the intended experience lmfaooo

-i think we might have gotten a few more sown seeds about house’s worsening addiction / mental health problems that obviously end up coming to a head in the final episodes of s5. nothing super big, but just a hint or two that something is Brewing.

-old fraud (henry) probably would’ve come back for an episode as house’s PA. or he gets hired as cuddy’s assistant (we know she runs through them like water) and house feels betrayed and there’s a silly prank war about it or whatever. hey for someone who doesn’t like the finding fellows arc i keep mentioning the discarded fellows a lot

-i know chase’s sister is a crazy s8 retcon (compels me tho) but can you guys please hold my hand where i imagine a world where there’s a subplot with him and cameron having a blowout argument where he reveals her existence to her and cameron tries to force him to reconcile with her. Ok you can stop holding it now i recognise that this is pure copium and never would’ve happened since we don’t find out about this sister until 4 fucking seasons later but it was a nice idea right

-this would’ve been a great season for a requisite Musical Episode. we get a lot of fun one-offs in s5 and 6 (lucas’s failed spinoff launch, 5 to 9, wilson) and this is the season with the documentary episode (that doubles as both the Meta Episode and the Noir Episode) so like. the writers were already armed and ready with their long-running cable show special episode notebooks. there probably would’ve been a ‘you can’t always get what you want’ fakeout. i’m not a fan of musical episodes and so would’ve hated every moment of it but i am a person of the people.

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

TMAGP 26 Thoughts: Sam is awkward. Celia is hot.

Yet another guest writer episodes and this time it's Muna Hussen. She' co-creator and producer on The Silt Verses, and produced and acted in I Am In Eskew. The Silt Verses is a show I can wholeheartedly suggest giving a listen. It's great in just about every way a thing can be. I might leave a pitch for it as an addendum. I Am In Eskew is in the forever pile of things I may one day get to. It's a really well written episode too, I liked this one a lot. It is, unfortunately, another pretty explicit one so I don't expect to have a load to say, but that's not the same as it being bad.

Spoilers for episode 26 below the cut.

Celia and Sam's conversation doesn't have a load of note in it. Yes, they're going to meet Helen but that's for later. The important detail here is how Celia categorises her incidents. Which she does with the least effort imaginable. She's not had any misfiles yet which tells me that either those no longer happen or you just need to get it in the right Section. But more importantly than that it's also a good look at just how little she cares about the job. We've all known she's had ulterior motives from her introduction but it's nice to see ways that is reflected.

Much like the last incident there isn't too too much to rip into for what I talk about. I'm not sure the themes of this one speak to any greater connection and the characters are all new as far as I know. Which only really leaves one detail to talk about. The Archivist or, rather, *an *Archivist as that's the more interesting detail. The Archivist here didn't really do much we've not seen before. The forced running isn't to dissimilar to the forced drowning and Jarrod did seem to be mumbling in classic fashion. No statement to be heard as such but that might just be because of the framing. However, unlike previous run ins with an Archivist they're very much aware that they're not the only one. Whether this leads to something more grand or not is hard to say but it's an interesting detail.

Alice is finally up to episode 11 with the plot. More seriously it's nice to see her piecing things together now. I do wonder if that was Chester's point or not. Gwen was a little weird in this interaction IMO. Alice and Gwen shared a fairly major revelation together, that this ties into, but she seems to have distanced herself a lot from that emotionally already. Which isn't out of character but does come a little fast.

Helen is *very *Helen here. I think of all the returning characters she might have changed the least. At least from where she started. It's lovely to see her back, although I do wonder if maybe they're leaning on these characters a little too much at this stage. It's hard to know if this is one-off fanservice or the way of things going forward. I hope it's the latter because the less of the old cast we get the more of the new cast we'll see. There isn't a huge amount to say here but its good to see them getting more information about the Institute. Also, unfortunately Helen is still a tory. Categorically disproving the "these characters are now living their best life" theory. It's all still hell. I'd also include the transcripts note for the laugh but that's a TMA spoiler and probably one person hasn't seen that show. Besides if you know, you know.

Sam and Celia finally fucked. Good for them. Well, bad for them if TMA is anything to go off for couples in this setting. But, y'know.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: 4463 is pretty normal for this, I think. No major surprises.

CAT# Theory: 1 is a 1. I'll maybe try to write an essay on this before the season ends. No prommies tho.

R# Theory: BC seems about right.

Header talk: Exhaustion (Athletic) -/- Compulsion (Tape). Also very very normal.

I guess I will write that addendum then.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Addendum: Go listen to The Silt Verses.

It's a horror audio drama that's more or less a world where the modern religious landscape is a polytheistic one, with fabricated corporate gods putting pressure on local ones, outlawed religions, and all sorts of fun stuff. But it's a world where religions, fabricated or otherwise, are also powerful and gods do exist and perform miracles. It follows two worshippers of the Trawler Man, and outlawed god, on their pilgrimage up its great black river. As you might expect things don't go smoothly and soon enough there's a man hunt, run ins with cults stranger than theirs, and all sorts of revelations.

The world building is a real high light too. It's just the right level of "this world is horrific yet treated as mundane". It's worth listening just to see how that's all built on.

I rate it a strong prisoners-buried-alive-in-the-foundations-of-new-construction-projects-to-bless-them/10.

[leohtttbriar]

For the Reverse Unpopular Opinion meme: would love to give you the excuse to talk about voyager. (or if that's too easy, something you like about your least favorite star trek series??)

i love voyager. so so much. i tried to think if i love another star trek series i've seen any less than voyager, but i can't honestly say that i do? i love ds9, tos, discovery, and, yes, even snw. i am in the embarrassing position of admitting that i really just love star trek, in a mostly uncomplicated way.

of the things i love about voyager, the premise is probably the biggest one. i have rambled about this a lot already but: i think it confronts for the first time in star trek the inherent sadness associated with us studying the stars--and therefore the sadness that science-fiction writers mostly imagine their way out of, often as a way to speculate a time when this reality may be less real: the fact that space is big. it is too big. the fastest human beings have ever traveled, with their own bodies along for the ride, still isn't fast enough to get us to the moon in less than three days. light--the speed limit of the universe--needs a full eight minutes to get from the sun to us--a relatively close planet. space is enormous. we measure things that are "close" in light-years. everything is so spread out and that's just from the perspective of being inside a galaxy, which is actually crowded when compared to intergalactic space. everything is so far away and so long away and it feels impossible to think of getting anywhere in a time meaningful to us and our lifespans. which is in its own way heartbreaking.

and while in voyager they are clearly not alone in the way we feel we could be (and in practice are until we get the smallest sign that even non-intelligent life exists off our very own special rock) with all the aliens they meet and the fact that they are on a ship that can go faster than light, they are stranded and they are on their way back home and it will still take them a life-time. that's the reality of the story: that they will spend the rest of their lives trying to get back. and though i know they do get back much quicker than that, where i'm at in the beginning of season 3 that is still the reality of it. and this makes literally everything that happens in the show so fascinating--even if it's a plot or an idea that not only happened in another series but was done technically better in that series. every plot in voyager is colored by the tension between what the star trek ethos is as a whole--exploration and diversity and learning and humanity--all in an optimistic light--and what voyager is about--getting back home. it makes me think of the tension in the actual "voyagers," somewhere now in interstellar space, and the golden record with a map of earth's position etched onto it: spacecraft meant to never be returned but contained on them is a deep, deep hope that in some way they will be. this tension, to me, affects everything on the show.

but that's maybe too big an idea without specific examples from the series--i might ramble about that at another point lol

in the spirit of your question, i will say there is one star trek property that i don't particularly care for on the whole and that's the 2009 movie (and sequels). but i will also say what that movie did right and what i do love about it even if i don't love the movie as a whole is how it portrayed the high-tech poetics of star trek in a much more immediately understandable way than even the 90s shows could for a 21st century audience. the "apple-store" aesthetic is really an argument about how this is the future and it's sleek and stylish and humans have advanced in their engineering and scientific abilities. and among this high-tech argument is uhura front and center: she's very loudly and explicitly a linguist and she fits in this silicon-valley look despite the fact that nowadays things like linguistics are considered "soft sciences" in a general way and treated like that very specifically by the tech-industry now (the attitude being "there's an app for that"). but uhura makes a central discovery in one of her labs at the beginning of the movie which gives her and kirk a leg up on understanding the Movie Threat. the 2009 movie significantly raised her importance as a character, to the point that the "main trio" in those movies is, arguably, more kirk/spock/uhura than it is kirk/spock/mccoy---especially if you're going by the movie posters.

also they gave her this line:

UHURA: And did I not, on multiple occasions, demonstrate an exceptional aural sensitivity, and I quote, "an unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmissions tests?"

which is excellent world-building about communications-officers, if you care for that sort of thing. and it provides a starting point for an argument about how listening to a universe (famed quiet due to the lack of material through which sound can travel) is essential to understanding it---an idea that can be further extrapolated via sci-fi regarding things like: listening to gravitational waves if we record them right; or working on the idea that all matter is but a vibration in a quantum field; or, from a more cultural concern, the implication that it is absurd to think you can travel to an alien world and not bring someone with an "exceptional aural sensitivity" who can facilitate an exchange of language and, thereby, meaning.