#also i had like 3 hrs of sleep | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gardenoblues · 6 months ago

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Is it just me or every year when my birthday comes my mood is just sourer than usual?

Well, to be fair, I had a very bad day. After reporting online (with an asshole disruptive prof), I had to commute by train to get to school for my lab and physics midterms. (For my asshole, inconsiderate prof) Then i got my long quiz score which was even more discouraging.

And it doesn't end there. We shoot our video performance at my house. And it took so long because my co-member kept messing it up. Then i took a long scroll outside in tears, walking mindlessly just to convince myself that it's still worth it. Whatever that is. I smoked again after a long time so that tells a lot. (My religious mother was also there, guilt tripping me because I didn't attend church. I was feeling sick and my body was heavy that morning so I couldn't move.)

I get home again, and there's just chores all over. My sister was in the mood to clean, but halfway through she just stopped so i had to clean it up because i have visitors tomorrow for my birthday, and mostly i just don't want to hear anything from my mother.

I'm pretty sure I'll cry myself to sleep and go back to that dark and cold place I was before. I really tried to keep a nice face to everyone today. And I think I'm so good at it that nobody ever asks if I'm alright. It's not that I want to be praised for all that, its normal to go through stuff and have a rough day, it's just sometimes I need someone to notice, like I notice other people. I know that sounds so narcissistic and that the world doesn't revolve around me and my problems but just for once, I want to be one of those people that always had a person behind their back to catch me when I stumble. Just for once, I don't want to be that person who catches people when they fall, who is there when they're sad, I want to be one of those people who don't even do anything to be loved, you know? I can't even imagine what that's like. Everything has a price in my life and it's getting more and more expensive as i get older.

#rantings #im getting older #old but not old enough #the worst fucking age to be #you cant do certain things but really you can if you think about it #also i had like 3 hrs of sleep #you know i just want to disappear for a moment #its frequent that i feel like this im getting used to it #im finding the balance #finding the peace everyone talks about #im gonna be okay i guess #if there's anything im good at its being sad and gaslighting myself that i will be fine #sorry everyone i just need to let it out

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hinamie · 3 months ago

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alongside someone like you

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #fushiita #fanart #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk 266 #jjk leaks #i feel like i say this after every piece at this point but iam once again. SO TIRED #collapses dead #cries i did it again i ws up all last night finishing the first 1.....tht one took *counts* 8 hours...#got 3 hrs sleep n picked up where i left off on th second one at 8 in the morning #2nd one absolutely ruined me n made the third one feel like a herculean task . even tho its literally just them on a bed #rooms....KITCHENS......beloathed!!!! public enemy no1 kill on sight!!!!!!#hell is real and they make u render different rooms of houses from scratch no perspective tool no clue what ur doing #n they see how long it takes u to completely lose it #clipped yuujis bangs back tho n i thought tht was cute . silver linings #1ST ONE WAS SO FUN ALSO idk if its bc outdoor environments r forgiving or bc i had more energy n was fresh faced n hopeful or what #but it is by far my favourite. once again pulled out nearly every nature brush in my arsenal #third one meh simple safe soft w/e i was just so exhausted after th kitchen tht working on it was such a slog #oh ya i added a bunch of scars 2 yuuji's arms n lobbed off his ring finger sighs the yuuji injury list (tm) grows every minute #also HINA USE YELLOW CHALLENGE CLEAR golden hour in2 sunset my beloved <333 easy warm light + safe homey Peaceful vibes...bless #cries eternally thinking abt them let us have this let THEM have this pls thank u #ok i need to not look at these anymore take them enjoy my contribution 2 the domestic itfs pile

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funkle420 · 6 days ago

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Turbo Granny blunt rotation WIP

#for a class assignment due todayyyy #still gotta edit the fucking 600 word description yuck #and write another essay for a different class #and read another manga chapter for that class #and do makeup readings/hw for my mesoamerican art history class plus the readings/hw for this week #and i haven't been sleeping more than like 4 hrs a night cause i started a new medication #which also gives me evening heart palpitations lol #and im skipping class to finish as much as i can #but eventually ill clean this up and color it!#eventually #hopefully #next term i snagged a spot in the only 2D animation class this stupid college has ever had #and set up my schedule to only take up 3 days despite having 4 classes #and hopefully 2 of said classes will be pretty easy #ones a 1x a week gardening thing and the others an online design class #i wanted to leave lots of time to animate #dandadan #turbo granny #animation #fanart #dandadan fanart #character turnaround #art #digital art #artists on tumblr #trans artist #my art #my animations #krita #tw drugs

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danielnelsen · 3 months ago

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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs

like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something

#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping #she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window #her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day #that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better #she can probably barely see at this point #like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery #and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you #bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible #personal #like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues #last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again #not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food #it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn #i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work #but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow #so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything #and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close #which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens #and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons #my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive #like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency

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forgotten-daydreamer · 9 months ago

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tw for op's dangerously irresponsible drinking habits!! i'm a bad example!! i drink the pain away!! don't do this!!

...

so. i just came to after THE most disastrous night. i was hurting. told my friends i needed a drink. purposefully drank way too much, talked about my ex and sex-related traumas to some unifriends, came out as trans to my bff, made it home in one piece god knows how, napped for like an hour with coat and shoes still on and keys still in my hand, then got horribly sick, forced myself to make toast and drink water, got sick again, forced myself to make more toast and drink more water, peed like fifteen times, and woke up like half an hour ago at five something in the morning with toast on the bed? i thought i'd eaten it all? but there is a slice of plain toast on the mattress. phone's battery at 6%, heart coming out of my ass, stomach all fucked up. and my head is fucking killing me. like i don't think i've ever drank this much before. i got home at like 9 pm which means i haven't touched alcohol since 8 and that was over 9 hrs ago. i don't think that my head's still supposed to spin, not after i had water and toast multiple times. i can't even take shit for it because i'm not going to fucking die mixing alcohol and meds. although i think i threw up most of it? anyway. this is like- my new low. unsurprisingly, i'm hurting even more now.

#i feel like i need to throw up again but maybe it's just bc my head hurts #gonna finish the mysterious toast. get up. pee again. drink some water. brush my teeth.->#-> then sleep again until the construction workers on my balcony wake me up #which will happen in huh 2 hrs circa #alcohol tw #alcohol cw #i think this counts as a suicide attempt. that was my intention yesterday. now i just wanna sleep. not suicidal atm #delete later #jason todd would not be proud #update: slept 3 more hrs. had breakfast. now i'm waiting for something to be delivered but after that: shower. mandatory #also my headache is tolerable. nothing a liter of water can't fix

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curiosity-killed · 7 months ago

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This is my choice and I recognize that but it is always weird when like coworkers are like aw dance is so cute!! when I mostly just. worked a second+ job all weekend

#like I am just. emotionally exhausted #and a little physically exhausted #and they’re like aww little kids!! so cute! so fun!!#and I’m like!!! idk about that folks!! idk!#personal #like I worked all day Thursday -> wrangled children for 1.5 hr -> had terrible 3 hr of rehearsal myself #then worked all day Friday -> wrangled children for 2 hr after #then got up and had 6 hr of terrible rehearsal time -> wrangled children for 3 more hours #and then went out with friends (not work and was good but also meant little sleep)#and then got up someday and (you guessed it) wrangled children for hours while my quote unquote dance coworkers kind of sucked #and you’d think like oh but it’s over that should be a relief #but no! the dread continues with another week of likely terrible rehearsals #and then (hopefully! if I don’t get cut the week of the show!) performances

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 11 months ago

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oh my god everything makes sense now

#ive had so much troubke sleeping for the last like. 3 weeks. like i havent been getting more than 4 hrs of sleep most nights #and its SUCKED so bad and ive had the worst dreams ever like #its either mind empty blank 0 dreams whatsoever (<< which ive learned also sucks! feels bad and empty in the morning)#or like..trauma nightmares. like im back in high school type nightmares. and a few work stress dreams sprinked in for flavor #lkke this has been. An Issue.#I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY. AND I FEEL SO STUPID #ITS BECAUSE I DONT HAVE LOKI LIVING WITH ME ANYMORE.#im at my parents house for the weekend and . got here at like 8pm last night.#laid on the couch. loki jumped up on thr couch with me to cuddle #and ive always said hes so good at this bc hes warm and he lays on top of me so hes like a weighted blanket #and i cant move my arms to look at my phone or anything so its SO easy to fall asleep w loki cuddles #AT 9PM I FELL ASLEEP. i havent gone to sleep before midnight in like 2 months.#and when i had 2 get up to move to the guest bed he followed me.#and i just woke up from a nightmare and he was on the other side of the bed so i reached my hand out 2 pet him #and he laid his little chin on my hand and oh my god everything makes so much sense now.#ive always kind of half joked abt loki being an esa. because im like. he is. but not officially #hes never been trained for it and we dont have like. documentation for it bc ive never been officially diagnosed for anything (hell world)#so i feel bad calling him that bc it feels like im. disrespecting people that Actually Need esas #(<< coming from.a guy who Actually Needs An ESA Apparently.) what the fuck #head in hands. everything makes so much sense now #and normally id go all science brain on this like oh it was just one night iwas probably just too tired i need more evidence to be sure #but like. i have loterally not slept this well in a month and a half.#I have not gonento sleep before midnight in AT.LEAST the last two weeks. CONSISTENTLY .#head in habds.

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pentaghast · 11 months ago

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hey fun fact! wheelchair accessible means i can get inside on my own. if i need a team of at least 3 people to make sure i dont break my neck it's not accessible

#also shout out to the sleeping arrangements: i was on an air mattress on the dining room floor #just a reminder i dont fucking have legs. so that was fun #they were going to put me in the guest house which is downhill. an unpaved uneven hill #if someone had let me go accidentally i wouldve gone straight into the lake #if i HAD gone down (again with a team of at least 3 people. at night. when everyones been drinking.) i wouldve been stuck alone bc it poured #rain from like. midnight on Christmas eve on #so the first night i was on an air mattress and it sunk down during the night so my legs were directly on the hardwood #and they hurt so bad all day! so i had to sleep on the couch in the living room. which meant i had to wait for everyone else to go to bed #and i got like. 5 hrs of a sleep bc everyone was up till 3 and i was woken up at 8am bc my shitty uncle (unrelated to this he's just an ass)#was turning on my cousins daughters toys. elmo slide woke me up which was fun #AND its not like there wasnt a bed downstairs. i found out the master bedroom is downstairs as i got on the air mattress #i dont think its selfish to be upset that they didnt offer. they made me sleep on the dining room floor.#and i was like. 15 feet away from them and they didnt bother lowering their voices which i get #i mean it was christmas eve and i went to bed early bc i hadnt slept well the day before but #they also had the tv on super loud and just. i would be less annoyed if there wasnt a bed i couldve had. instead of. again. a hardwood floor #i mean. fucks sake #wytxt

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kuiinncedes · 11 months ago

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:’)

#to start this w a good note lol #bro almost all the music i’ve heard since we got to this vacation spot was done on gIee LOLLLL #not even just at the hotel where they were playing xmas music so like ofc a lot of that but also other music #that was just . all done on gIee lmfao #but also on the shuttle ride here from the airport #the driver had like disco music playing and istg it went from like #staying alive to u should be dancing to uhhh disco inferno #to idk if it’s disco but after that was u can’t touch this lmao 😭#on to the not so good part bro it’s day one why i gotta be so sad lmfao #im blaming it on the like 2-3 hrs of sleep 🤩#it ok i actually feel not bad for only 2-3 hrs of sleep before flight LOL i’ve been banking up the sleep so that rly makes a difference lma #i feel fucking ridiculous tho bc i feel lonely af and unwanted on a family trip #bc my brother has a childhood family friend to hang out with who for the fucking record i was also friends with #and last time we were together for a significant amt of time idk why but my brother freaking ignored him basically #ik they exchanged snapchats tho recently and they’re both like buff gym guys now lmfao so idk they’re besties now so #i kinda feel like i can’t hang out w them #and then idk my parents like yeah and then my grandma so i’m just kinda hanging out w my grandma #they all went onto the beach i think and i’m here in a room w my grandma and i spent fucking like 30 minutes watching the beach bc i didn’t #know where they were and they didn’t tell me and like overthinking whether i should go #i got as far as tying my hair up and taking out a change of clothes #and then almost cried and gave up and took out my book and came out on the balcony lmao #like what am i even complaining about. but idk #it all goes back to that lovely middle school friendship that left me fucking devastated bro lmfao 🤩#idk if that’s actually the reason but i’m blaming it all on that LMAO #anyway we’re here for a while so . i’ll just chill and read today bc i do want to read more and i kinda in the mood recently #also another thing was that my skin is still being a little fucking bitch #and i’m so hesitant abt doing anything w it so like going in ocean water #anyway. fuck my fucking brain i hate it here #it’ll be better tmrw when i’ve had some fucking sleep lmfao #jeanne talks

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beesinspades · 1 year ago

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pros of starting T: many in the long term

cons of starting T especially during a streak of anxiety-caused health issues: wondering if I'm about to die every time I get a new symptom

#i also got the flu shot on the same day but it was 10 days ago now #and then i kid you not the next day my dad got the flu so i was under stress until i left catsitting yesterday #first i had increased heart rate and palpitations #then it got better and then it came back but just the palpitations the HR is not as high as the first couple days #then i had Feeling Unwell kinda like nausea in the upper chest but no wanting to throw up #and now on top of all that i woke up at 3:30 dealing with a dry hot flash #im overheating under the blanket but im cold outside of it so that with the anxiety i haven't been able to go back to sleep #OTL #it has to be my body adjusting to T + stress!!! Im not dying!!!!!! [KNOCKS ON WOOD]#bee rants #googled and actually might not be a hot flash because they're not supposed to last this long weeeee 🤪#it's been two hours and a half can i feel normal again please #before i actually start freaking out

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megumiifushiiguro · 1 year ago

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How are you doing, bestie?

mehhhhhhh

#i also have to study for this english test tmrw and i dont wanna but i'll go in some time #and make bio diagrams i think?? and math assignment #all this i have to do before tmrw ://#and i feel like just lying in my bed and rotting + i had 5 hrs of sleep lmao #anyway hru #asks #jake<3 #the loveliest mutuals💕✨

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clownpassing · 1 year ago

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drove nick home last night bc he was absolutely fucked up on shrooms n alcohol and i am so worried about him today bc he lost his phone, wallet, And keys. we were supposed to hang out and yeah i will be sad if that doesn't happen but also i just hope physically and mentally he is ok today

#txt #op #he was saying some really dark shit about himself on the car ride to his house #and also he kissed me like a lot which idk how to feel about that because yes of course i want him so incredibly bad #but also i wish he would do that when he's not super fucked up #had stress dreams abput him and i was supposed to get another 3 hrs of sleep today but i just can't until i know he has his stuff

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skopostheorie · 2 years ago

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Also I like that the emergency room is always so damn slow please give me the ok to work I know I am licherally fine

#The only reason I'm here is because the nurse on call said I had to go #I'm on 1 hr sleep also #Fell asleep at like 2 and the fan caught fire at 3 #snororokkk

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green-eyes-and-orange-ties · 2 years ago

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Tag talk

#hey beans #going old school tag rambles here - not NSP related #just that I might a lil quiet over the next couple of weeks as I 'lost' an agreement with a friend #i agreed back in july/august last year that if i didn't manage to get 6 hours or more of sleep on 2 consecutive nights #across the next 8months then I'd go back to sleeping tablets #(just over the counter stuffs nothing dramatic dw)#i really thought i had the winning side of the agreement ngl but they reminded me this week :/#I also am still training the new person so work hours are long atm #and im almost losing my voice from explaining things #and the added gravel/depth to my voice makes it so tempting to continue fucking my voice up #i wont - but god its tempting #but if im gonna be working the hours i do and actually sleeping Imma have less time to make stuff for here :'(#especially for the first couple of weeks while i adjust to the loss of hrs in the day #Im also looking after my friends cats across the next week and doing boat construction and have a commission to make as well as my 9-6 job #okay it sounds like a lot when you list it but its not really (or at least not when you dont sleep...)#anyway i hope to be able to make some original content for here but i cant promise #sorry Beans #<3 <3 <3

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thatonesapphicfilipino · 4 months ago

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guys

i’m realizing that even tho i need to plan ahead because if i don’t then i get anxious abt the uncertainty of the thing ahead but then i’m just left with feeing anxious abt the upcoming thing ahead being ahead and then can’t do anything until the thing ahead isn’t ahead

#neurodivergent #for context i hv a lunch tmrw so i planned to do laundry tmrw or sun so i can pack on mon and ask for someone to sub my shift before wed #and now i’ve been trying to sleep for the last 3 hrs so i can be ready for tmrw and i barely slept yesterday too cuz i was stressed abt #having to pick outfits on mon #no ya i’m doing great hbu #anxitey #i was also so genuinely convinced it was mon today like had a whole convo with my sister abt scheduling and was so convinced it was mon #you don’t suck*

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mement0--m0ri · 7 months ago

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Sometimes, I look back and realise how far I've come with my disabilities and, in particular, my mental health.

Then I suddenly realise I've been awake for 2 days straight and am surviving purely out of spite, and the same song on repeat for the last 4 hours.

Hypermania is a wild ride, yo.

#but for real. my spotify wrapped is going to probably be just a 1000 hrs of the same nina simone song #and its not all bad. ive been struggling with sleep for about 2 months straught now #but Im so ahead with uni at the moment that I actually have time to be bored for once #and ive been hella creative over the last week #like creating again has been amazing #ive already sketched up my next three tattoos (because im one of those wanky people that actually creates ever piece of art on myself)#also I've been using my tablet to draw instead of paper and holy shit is this a game changer. never going bad to pleb paper and pencil #also on the weekend I read 3 novels. 3!#who needs sleep anyway #i just need to find skincare that can hide the fact that I havent had a proper sleep schedule since 2012 #personal

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