#also have had a super weird art block that's been impossible to get out of

[a-pale-azure-moon]

I SAW THE SUPER MARIO BROS MOVIE!

Overall verdict: I liked it! The art and animation are beautiful, there are SO MANY fun nods and Easter Eggs to the franchise and Nintendo's history as a whole, and it felt like the creators really wanted to do right by the series. There are some small things in it that either felt out of place or didn't quite work, but taken as a whole package, I enjoyed it. The last third of the movie especially was fantastic and had me grinning like a fool all the way to the end. If you're a fan of the series, you should definitely see it at some point, either now or when it comes to streaming. Totally worth it.

Some other thoughts with some spoilers under the cut.

-I like that they didn't try to explain or rationalize the inherent weirdness of the Mushroom Kingdom. We don't need to know how or why the blocks float, or where the powerups and prize blocks come from. They just exist, and that's how it should be. The Mario universe runs on being wacky and strange and I'm glad the movie didn't try to make it something it's not.

-I generally have a not-so-great opinion about casting celebrities to do the voice overs in animated films, because I see it as a big F-U to actual voice actors. But the cast here is fine. Jack Black's the standout as Bowser as we all pretty much knew, but the rest of the cast does a good job overall. I do not like Seth Rogan and he didn't make any effort to not sound like himself as Donkey Kong, but I was able to ignore it anyway. YMMV. I don't dislike Anya Taylor-Joy's take on Peach, but her voice feels too deep for the character.

-I laughed at the reveal that Mario doesn't like mushrooms (womp womp). Poor guy.

-The brotherly moments between Mario and Luigi were super wholesome and I loved them, especially how they hug when they're reunited.

-One of my fears about the film was what they'd do with Peach, mainly a concern that they'd turn her into a more generic Hollywood "girlboss" and strip her of her personality. Or turn her into a snarky jerk. Thankfully, that's not the case. While she is more of an action princess here than we typically see of her (and to anyone complaining about or questioning that, shut up. Peach has always been capable of platforming and kicking ass since 1988), she is still essentially Peach. She's always in her signature pink aside from when she's using a power up, she's sweet and kind and protective of her subjects, and she grows to be Mario's biggest supporter (Luigi aside).

-They also slipped in an origin story for her (kinda) which was neat. And possibly a sequel hook. And I like how this movie makes clear that she loves the toads and they love her too, something that's implied in the games but wasn't always explicitly shown.

-THE ARE SO MANY EASTER EGGS. I'm guessing it's impossible to find them all without a guide. And the references generally aren't slammed in your face but hidden in background details or in the music, which makes it even better. I think my favorite was Luigi's ringtone being the Gamecube startup jingle.

-Seriously, the art direction and animation are incredible. I hope the entire crew gets a raise. I love how the Mushroom Kingdom looks and my only complaint is that I wanted to see more of it.

-The score is incredible too. It's mind-boggling how many classic Mario themes and musical nods you can hear at different points. If you played a drinking game with it, you'd be dead of alcohol poisoning less than halfway through the movie.

-Bowser's probably the funniest character, and it does nothing to reduce how threatening he is (he's downright terrifying in the climax). But special shoutout to the Luma who spouts some of the best lines in the film. They're incredibly dark, but I love that little guy.

-Dry Bones are nightmare fuel here and I love it.

-The complaints about the pacing aren't entirely off. The movie does feel a little too brisk, but some of that I think is that early in, there's a lot of "bullet points" plot progression, where Mario and Peach are just doing X, Y and Z for the plot while we intercut with what's going on with Luigi or Bowser. There's not a ton of connective tissue between these scenes and so it feels a bit disjointed, and the result is that things happen rapid fire. It's not necessarily bad, but it is something that could've been done more smoothly.

-The third act is by far the strongest part of the film. Once the Rainbow Road sequence starts (which is a gorgeous set piece), the flow of the movie feels more natural. The strong ending does a lot to patch up some of the flaws in the middle parts.

-The final battle with Bowser is awesome. Mario and Luigi both kick the crap out of him while powered by an invincibility star, and they cap it off by spinning him by the tail a la SM64. Perfection.

-While the original score is great as I mentioned, I think some exec made them shove in some 80s pop songs and they feel quite out of place. The worst offender by far is "Take on Me" playing when Mario reaches the Kong Kingdom. It doesn't fit for either the vibe of the scene or for the movie in general. You can't tell me they couldn't have done a remix of some DKC music there instead.

-The jokes are a bit hit or miss at times. There's plenty of genuinely funny moments (Bowser's love ballad is probably the highlight), but there are some one-liners that don't land. They're too "captain obvious" to be either jokes or exposition, so they just fall flat.

-I think the complaints about the "thin plot" comes from Disney/Pixar bias that animated movies are supposed to have hidden deeper meanings and there needs to be angsty moments within the wacky hijinks. And uh...Mario's never been about that. Even the more story heavy RPGs in the series tend to run more on rule of funny rather than trying to be dramatic. If they make a Zelda movie (please), I would expect it to have some genuine pathos, but I don't need that in a Mario movie. To me, the thing that is quintessential about the series (especially the platformers) is a sense of wonder and joy. I think they ably captured that in the movie. There are two emotional through lines: a) Mario and Luigi's brotherly love and b) Mario trying to figure out who he is what he wants to do. And neither needs to be dwelt on much because the brothers are happily reunited and Mario becomes a hero over the course of the film. It's simple and it works.

-The movie is very "safe" in that it didn't take any real risks with the property, but that's OK too. Given how infamously horrible the 1993 film turned out, it's hard to blame Nintendo for wanting to stick with what they knew would work.

-THE YOSHI EGG AFTER THE CREDITS OMG!

-This really is the Mario movie I wanted back in 1993. I had to wait 30 years for it, but I think it was worth it. Bring on the Nintendo Cinematic Universe!

[luminnea]

Can I request Alfonse please

yep yep! one Alfonse comin’ right up!!

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Whomp

Debut: Super Mario 64 

You know what I’ve been thinking about lately? Super Mario 64. Haven’t we all, really? Between all the recent datamines and general online discussion, I can’t help but wonder about Super Mario 64! 

Something I don’t think Mario 64 gets enough appreciation for, is being the birthplace of our beloved Whomps! At least, I certainly belove them. Don’t you? We’ve covered pretty much every “Thwomp” variant in the past, and sure, Whomps may be nowhere near the “obscure” side of enemies, but a splendid design is a good thing to appreciate anytime! 

Not only is this their debut, but they get a whole stage themed around them: the Whomp’s Fortress, if by “fortress” you mean a vague collection of scattered obstacles and platforms floating in the sky, like most 64 stages! That sure is a lot of... textures! My favorite part is the little paddling pool near the bottom.

And who could forget the Whomp in all their original polygonal glory? Clearly they just wanted to make an enemy who is just a rectangle with a texture on top, yet the design had all its charm even back then! The sunken eyes with glowing red pupils, the H-shaped mouth with the crooked teeth... it’s very cute, in an ugly way. And on the back, their weak spot is a crack with a bandage on top! Adorable!

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it- that’s why the Whomp has only really had a few subtle redesigns over the years! When they appeared in Mario 64 DS, they looked just a little bit nicer to look at. They were also in New Super Mario Bros. DS, using the same model- a 3D only enemy in a 2D game, how strange indeed! Their first appearance in a new mainline game in 10 whole years- and it probably just happened because they wanted to reuse assets.

Another redesign? Don’t mind if I do! The Whomp’s grand return to the third dimension happened in Mario Galaxy 2, really cementing them (hah) as a modern Mario classic. This time, they’re huge! And square-ish! And uh, their eyes aren’t wacky anymore. No longer having a band-aid, they instead have a big ground-pound symbol on their back now, which must be just awful, right? Can you imagine having a big logo emblazoned on your back which says “crush me with your butt here”?

This here is their artwork from Mario Party 9. It’s the same as the art from Galaxy 2, but their eyes are glowy now. I just thought this was funny.  But I’m getting ahead of myself here! Before I talk about Mario Party, I need to talk about...

Their monarch, the big bad Whomp King! He’s just... He’s just a big Whomp. He acts just like other Whomps, but he’s big and takes three hits. What’s totally memorable about this boss, though, is the villain monologue he gives before fighting! 

“It makes me so mad! We build your houses, your castles, we pave your roads, and still you walk all over us. Do you ever say thank you? No! Well, you're not going to wipe your feet on me. I think I'll crush you just for fun! Do you have a problem with that? Just try to pound me, wimp! Ha!” 

Uh oh! Looks like Mario’s world has a little problem with under-valuing essential workers! Good thing our world has nothing like that. Well, jokes aside, it’s a pretty cheeky nod at how the Whomps are made of stone- but one has to wonder much of this tragic backstory is serious! It must be a pretty nasty lot in life, huh? 

Don’t feel bad- in 64 DS and Mario Galaxy 2, the Whomp King got a snazzy new crown! At least someone appreciates him a bit!

Well, it wasn’t just him: Galaxy 2′s Throwback Galaxy was one big reimagining of Whomp’s Fortress, meaning this is probably the most Whomp-focused game released in the past decade. The music was remixed, the boss fight was revamped- all in all, a lovely throwback indeed!

And the Whomp has basically just... stuck around! You may have noticed the image at the top (from Super Mario Party) has a slightly different design, being a little more rectangular with smaller, thinner eyes and a more angular mouth! They definitely redesigned the Whomp again at some point, but I couldn’t tell you exactly when... Either way, I’m glad they’re here for good! 

Not that Whomps ever really went anywhere! In the years between Super Mario 64 and its remake, Whomps survived almost exclusively in Mario Party (and other spin-offs), functioning mainly as roadblocks that don’t allow the player to pass!

Which brings me to my final point- between their design and this function, the Whomp is most likely based on the mythological y��kai called... the Nurikabe! And since I’d love nothing more, I’ll now go into a long-winded tangent about what the Nurikabe is, and... Hey, wait!! Come back! It’ll be interesting, I swear! Don’t cut off the post! Hey-

Yeah, yeah. You’re all sick of my long-winded yōkai posts. But I’m happy you joined me here, even if it was out of pity. Let’s talk about the Nurikabe!

Look at this big guy! What a card! Nurikabe literally translates to plaster wall, and they take the form of a big invisible wall that blocks the way of travellers at night. Since they’re invisible, they naturally don’t have many illustrations- leave it to Shigeru Mizuki to depict them as a large, goofy-looking slab of stone! This Nurikabe joined the main cast of the GeGeGe no Kitaro manga, and thus quickly became a cornerstone (haha) of their popular depictions!

(To be fair, there does exist an old illustration of the Nurikabe as a strange, lumpy dog thing... but I’m not MUCH of a fan? I think a literal stone wall is so much more charming!)

Come on, look at this! What could be better? 

Ōkami has a rather lovely Nurikabe-looking guy! Though his design is splendid, if you’ve played Ōkami you likely remember him as “the extremely frustrating memory puzzle” or “the memory puzzle that is literally scientifically impossible for the human brain to solve”. Shame!

Yo-kai Watch has the Murikabe, a.k.a “Noway” in the English version! “Muri” means “no way”. So like, it’s a pun. Hoho.

Nioh’s Nurikabe is quite scary, but also rather cool! Don’t you think? I still know very little about Nioh, but whenever I look at its yōkai I think “Dang! That’s cool!”, and I’m right, and it is cool. 

The Super Sentai series has two whole Nurikabe monsters, each based on a different Nurikabe look! While the latter is quite cool, I’m in love with the former and its weird, grungy brick wall look! It’s like, the dictionary definition of Gnarly! Though I know very little about tokukatsu shows, I think its kind of fascinating how creative they can get with designing humanoid monsters suits!

You may be wondering: was this entire post just a thinly-veiled excuse for me to talk about the Nurikabe? And to that I say:

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaybe....???

[violetwolfraven]

Crossover Headcanons

((I know I have requests in my inbox but I just had to get this out of my head. Also I probably won’t be posting those requests for a while because my writer’s block is only barely starting to lift, so...))

Anyway this is gonna start off from one perspective and go to more later. Enjoy. 💜

Tw: past death, nightmares

...

So this is a... spin-off? Of the reincarnation au? An alternate timeline? A variant? Whatever it is the newsies are reincarnated and remember their past.

Also somehow most of them are going to the same college here, (I’m not going to say which one because I don’t want to research colleges right now) even if they’ve got a wide range of majors.

There’s only one dorm building even if people are only allowed to share a room with someone of the same gender.

This works out well for Elmer, because he’s pretty happy to be rooming with his boyfriend, Buttons.

But then he gets up to the floor their dorm is on and almost drops the box he’s holding.

Because it’s fuckin her. His national-level math nemesis since 11th grade. They’ve only faced off twice, the first time with her team winning and the second with his winning, but they’re each the only one who can beat the other in a math competition.

Elmer can see the shock in her eyes as she recognizes him and shouts YOU and then she’s stomping over to him aggressively enough that he’s pretty sure she wants to throw down physically.

Jack (who’s also on that floor with Davey) figures that too, and steps in front of him before she gets too close, but that girl acts like she doesn’t even notice him and shouts I WAS HALF A SECOND BEHIND YOU SOLVING THAT PROBLEM!

Elmer is kinda terrified but he defensively shoots back well I still solved it first and moves around Jack because this is his math nemesis and his fight.

The girl scowls at him for a couple more seconds then just sticks out her hand to shake, and Elmer realizes that he doesn’t actually know her name beyond the surname he’s seen on the back of her mathletes jacket. She introduces herself as Cady Heron.

Elmer Kazprzak, he responds, and Cady looks like she’s trying not to laugh, but he figures that’s probably fair, with how ‘Elmer’ was a common name in 1885 but not so much in 2003.

Jack clears his throat so Elmer introduces him but forgets that this isn’t their high school so things like oh this is Jack. He’s basically my dad. are weird.

Cady definitely thinks it’s weird but she doesn’t question it. Instead she just asks where Elmer is living, and it turns out, of course, he and Buttons are right next door to her and her roommate, Karen.

(I say Cady is living with Karen because Gretchen wanted to live with Regina and rules be damned Janis is with Damien.)

Elmer isn’t completely sure he’s not going to get murdered in his sleep but he guesses if he could handle the 1899 Newsboy Strike and World War I he can handle Cady Heron.

Meanwhile Katherine is going to Harvard so Sarah is rooming with someone she’s never met and she’s a little nervous.

And in stomps a girl who declares I’m a lesbian and if you have a problem with that tell me now so I can switch dorms.

And Sarah responds with my girlfriend out at Harvard would be pretty pissed at me if I did have a problem with that.

The girl lets her guard down, explains that she comes from a small town, and says her name is Alyssa Greene.

After that little bump, they get along good. Alyssa explains that her girlfriend, Emma, registered late and couldn’t get a dorm with who she wanted.

And Sarah’s just kinda like wait Emma as in Unruly Hearts Emma? Alyssa’s just like yeah!! I’m so proud of her!!

Sarah brags a bit about how Katherine is studying to be a journalist with a specialty in queer stories and long story short they become besties and eventually Alyssa introduces Emma for real and Sarah introduces Smalls and Sniper.

Emma and Alyssa are a bit thrown by the whole nickname thing but hey whatever now they have a Lesbian Club!

They do meet up with the boys occasionally but the Lesbian Club meets on a video call with Katherine every Saturday.

Anyway Jack meets Janis in art class and initially they kinda think each other is weird because their styles are very different but then they get in an actual conversation and get along amazingly.

Jack is definitely a fan of Janis’s philosophy of when someone hurts your friends you attack and grind your foe into the ground.

Janis tells her new bestie about Cady and Damien (and Regina, Gretchen, and Karen, though she still keeps Cady and Damien closer than the former Plastics) and she’s honestly shocked by the amount of friends Jack tells her about.

She does recognize some names, though. Romeo and Damien are both theatre majors and they’ve become friends.

But anyway Jack and Janis are like. Super good friends. Art buddies. Mlm/wlw solidarity. Protective friend pals.

Janis is pretty surprised when she introduces him to Cady and they’ve already met, and apparently oh fuck your math nemesis is Jack’s Elmer???

Jack’s just going oh fuck Elmer’s math nemesis Cady is Janis’s Cady???

Also Regina met Spot and Sarah at the gym and now they meet up with a few other people every other week to throw down like their own personal fight club.

At first Regina was just angrily trying to fight with no technique, but don’t worry, Spot and Sarah teach her.

There weren’t a ton of out gays at Northshore High, so yeah the Mean Girls crew definitely gets along with the Newsies crew out of solidarity.

Janis and at least one of the Plastics but I can’t choose which one(s) join the Lesbian Club.

Meanwhile Race is super hyped to meet Emma cause like I choreographed a dance to your song wanna see???

Emma is flattered but kinda weirded out and she mentions her friend Angie who’s a dancer too and Race is just *error 404*

Cause of course he saw the news story and knows Emma knows these 4 big Broadway stars but it just. Hasn’t connected until this moment that she like has their numbers.

He tries not to freak out too much cause he knows that’s weird but Emma eventually goes do you wanna meet her? And Race goes do I wanna meet her? She’s only my IDOL!! she’s been dancing like 20 years and she’s still got it!!

Emma calls Angie partially because she likes her new dancer friend and wants to make him happy and partially because she wants to prove to Angie that people do appreciate her zazz and despite how she was just a chorus girl until a few months ago this random boy from New York has been a fan since he was 12.

Angie can’t exactly fly over at the drop of a hat but she watches some videos on YouTube of Race dancing and like holy hell this kid is good. And his friends are too but this kid right here has zazz off the charts.

When she finds out he’s an orphan she’s lowkey can I adopt him??? but then she finds out he already has an adoptive mother and it’s Medda Larkin.

Medda Larkin who did more than a few shows with Angie when they were young but left Broadway to open her own theatre.

They fell out of touch years ago but still follow each other on Instagram and stuff.

But Angie shows Barry and Dee Dee and she’s super excited like remember Medda Larkin??? THIS IS HER ADOPTIVE KID AND HE’S AMAZING

And they watch YouTube clips of Emma’s new friends in high school shows and like wtf these kids are fuckin talented why aren’t they on Broadway???

They almost tell Emma to tell her friends to drop out of college and come straight (haha not that straight) to Broadway but Trent is like wtf no education is important.

Whatever the actors aren’t that relevant.

Sarah has a nightmare about her death one night. And with the others it’s not as big of a deal because they’re all rooming with each other, but Sarah’s roommate isn’t one of them.

She thinks Alyssa is asleep so she calls Katherine crying about how scared she was, how guilty she felt to be leaving her brothers and friends and Kath without a goodbye.

And Alyssa isn’t quite awake, but she’s awake enough that she hears Sarah whisper about how everything is just so stupid complicated. I shouldn’t be afraid of dying when I’ve done it before—when we’ve all died horribly—but I still am, Kitty. I can’t stop being afraid.

Alyssa is out of it enough that she falls back asleep, but when she wakes up she knows what she heard. That her roommate thinks she had a past life and died and implied that all her friends did.

Emma notices she’s acting weird and when she asks what’s wrong she tells her.

They both know it sounds crazy, but...

Emma tentatively points out some weird things about their friends from New York.

She’s study buddies with Race and occasionally he points something out she got wrong on her history homework. Something so small and inconsequential that it would’ve been almost impossible for him to know unless he was there and remembered from experience.

Smalls and Sniper have a habit of jumping apart if they were so much as holding hands and someone walks in on them, even though they come from a mostly accepting city with an accepting friend group.

That whole group straight up skipped history class the whole week they were learning about World War I and refused to make up the work.

They bring the half-baked theory to Janis who immediately remembers all the times she’s seen Jack draw small war-torn towns in France and dirty city streets and an outdated skyline as if seen from a rooftop, all of them too detailed to be anything but directly copied from something Jack has seen before.

But the question is if they’re drawn from a reference photo or a memory.

Cady realizes, upon hearing the theory, that Elmer and Buttons never take her up on offers to come to football games because they don’t like the noise.

More specifically, she remembers the look on her nemesis/frenemy’s face when he said he didn’t like fireworks.

Aaron notices that Davey always solves math problems by hand. He never uses a calculator unless someone reminds him it’s an option. And half the time, he defaults to using his right hand with terrible handwriting even though he’s left handed. Almost like he was raised with the whole ‘left hand devil’ thing, which doesn’t make sense because he went to a public school; not a religious one.

Damien realizes that Romeo has a habit of correcting the costume department, like he knows the period clothing for Hello, Dolly! better than they do. It annoys the hell out of them because upon some research, he is always right.

Regina notes how Spot and Sarah fight like they’re fighting for their lives in a street brawl. She knows that because she started taking karate in an attempt to win fights. She noticed months ago that her friends use technique that’s barely sustainable, like they’re just trying to stay alive until they can run or backup comes.

However all this is just fun and games, a crack theory they’re all mildly creeped out by but don’t really believe, until Gretchen finds it.

An article on the Newsboy Strike of 1899.

There’s a copy of the Newsies Banner, written by Katherine Plumber, which references strike leaders Jack Kelly and David Jacobs.

But they could write that off as just a creepy coincidence if not for the photo.

It’s the one Katherine and Darcy took that first day, which is in black and white and not the greatest quality, but clearly shows a lot of familiar faces.

A later story by this Katherine Plumber documents lives of street kids with interviews from kids with the same odd nicknames as the group they know.

Regina was the most cynical about this theory and even she can’t deny it now. There’s just too much evidence.

Especially when Karen finds Crutchie’s obituary, but Regina stops her from showing it to anyone else because that’s just too creepy.

The Mean Girls crew and Alyssa and Emma are... unsure if they should confront their friends about this, because a) this is freaky and b) the newsie gang is clearly still harboring trauma due to their deaths.

Plus, as Damien points out, being gay was illegal in 1899. Do you think they want a reminder of how they had to hide their feelings for each other back then?

Emma and Alyssa share a knowing look because they know what that’s like.

In the end Karen lets it slip when she asks Davey a question about her history homework involving World War II, mistakenly believing he was there.

Davey naturally questions her about it and she spills the entire story about how Alyssa heard Sarah’s phone call and they figured everything else out from there. She even shows him the article with the 1899 photo and the Newsies Banner.

And... shit, there’s a lot of memories behind that picture. And that’s them, over a hundred years ago, when they were kids and they weren’t all the same age like this time around.

The old Davey looks so big compared to Romeo and Elmer and god was Specs tall for a 15-year-old.

Davey didn’t even meet Smalls and Sniper in this lifetime until they were 16, but in that picture they’re only 13 and they’re so small.

A sidenote on Katherine has a picture of her in a hairstyle he hasn’t seen her in since 1917.

It’s a mixture between ptsd and nostalgia and Davey can’t decide whether to freak out or be happy.

He takes the article to Jack and tells him about how Gretchen found it and their non-reincarnated friends know.

Jack’s silently cursing the fact that he really should have been more careful with what he drew around Janis, but it’s kinda a relief that they know, honestly.

He shoots a quick text to the group chat and then turns his phone on do not disturb mode while he sits Janis down for a little chat.

He doesn’t go into graphic detail, but he does tell her an abridged version of everything. How they were basically a family and all lgbt+ in the early 20th century and how they died before their time and got a second chance.

It’s more than a little freaky for Janis, but it does explain a lot.

Such as how Jack demonstrates on a dare that he can still do some parkour because once upon a time, he used it to run from the cops.

Elmer tells Cady he’s so quick at math because he used to have to calculate change quickly and later had to help Jack and Davey come up with battle plans based on numbers vs tactics and terrain.

Regina definitely trusts Spot’s combat advice a lot more now because he was essentially a gang leader as a teenager and it has literally saved his life.

Race admits to Emma that her song made him cry because... in this lifetime he might not have had to be closeted, but in his last he was constantly worried about getting arrested or worse if people found out not just about him and his boyfriend, but his friends. His family.

Emma may or may not collaborate with him after that to write a song about how much it hurts to be closeted for your own safety and how much better it feels to be free to be who you are. Race dances in the music video and many of the other newsies make appearances but it’s mainly him and Emma. Spot and Alyssa cry when they see it. Damien does, too.

Who am I kidding everyone cries.

They get like 4 million hits on YouTube and it’s amazing.

The title is probably In the Light or something.

Also Cady, Aaron, Kevin, and Elmer form their own college level mathletes team and no one can beat them.

(Kevin’s not as close with the main group literally only because I don’t know that much about him as a character.)

(Also Stacy, Kailey, and whatever their boyfriends’ names are might be there somewhere but I don’t know them either.)

Katherine does get to meet the new kids in person eventually. And also I didn’t mention this earlier but Specs goes to Harvard too and he comes to visit too.

The power when the Lesbian Club finally gets to meet all in person? Unparalleled.

:)

[love-takes-work]

The Art of Steven Universe the Movie: Outline & Review

The Art of Steven Universe The Movie was released March 3, 2020. It's a wonderful journey through the concept art, character development, and experience of fashioning these ideas into the movie we all love.

Nuts and bolts: The book is published by Dark Horse, and it was designed by Ryan Sands (a zine specialist), with commentary by Takafumi Hori, Kat Morris, and Rebecca Sugar. It includes art by Rebecca Sugar, Kat Morris, Takafumi Hori, Alonso Ramirez Ramos, Angie Wang, Ashley Fisher, Becky Dreistadt, Chromosphere, Danny Cragg, Elle Michalka, Hilary Florido, Ian Jones-Quartey, Jasmin Lai, Jeff Liu, Joe Johnston, Julian De Perio, Katie Mitroff, Leonard Hung, Miki Brewster, Patrick Bryson, and Paul Villeco.

Full review below with low-quality images.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

An introduction explains the same origin story that Rebecca Sugar told us in the movie DVD's commentary: that she accidentally restored her phone to factory settings and lost years of important stuff, and she ended up applying that devastating premise to her movie. That combined with the concept of "breaking" the main premise of a TV show to make a movie was how she got started developing the story. The opening of the movie styled like a storybook is blocked out with some great drawings and breakdowns of which narration would go to what storybook pages. This is combined with some partial sheet music for "The Tale of Steven." Rebecca writes about how she felt having to wrap pre-production on Season 5 only to take on this even bigger movie challenge. The biggest challenge was writing all these songs in such a short time--six weeks--and having to deal with the stress, being crushed under all that pressure while still wanting to do this story so badly, and it was humbling to still have to work so hard to sell the idea. The feeling of relief to finally be done that Steven expresses in "Happily Ever After" is very similar to what Rebecca went through feeling like she wanted to be finally done but still knowing what she had to do to climb an even bigger mountain. Some very cute Steven-at-age-16 and Connie in Space Camp clothes follow. Notes indicate that Steven and Connie are the same height now, but his poofy hair is just slightly higher than her head.

Notes from 2017 also give us the "Neckstravaganza": design notes on Steven's new form, with a neck and a jacket. It's very cool.

Some beautiful Joe Johnston boards follow, with sequences from the "Happily Ever After" song. We also get Angie Wang's final design (with Ashley Fisher's color) of the injector, including some sketchy concept art for it from Rebecca Sugar and Hilary Florido. In the rough concept notes, they call this the "Mega Injector," with notes for Takafumi Hori to use for scale. It looks beyond huge in a Leonard Hung drawing.

Spinel concepts are next. Some notes explain that aivi & surasshu (the usual composers) were involved very early since it was a musical, and Rebecca included them when pitching the story to the Crew so they could organically develop the sound. The heart shape was central to Spinel from the beginning, and early versions of her had an entire heart shape to her head.

(There's a doodle of what looks like a cartoon dog in the pile of drawings shown in this section. It's not clear what that was.)

Spinel was given the heart imagery partly because Rebecca had learned early on about the importance of symbols, and when it came time to assign one to Steven, the star was chosen because it's so positive and is read as gender-neutral. Rebecca still hadn't used hearts for anything, so it was time. They also incorporated really old, dated character design ideas to make Spinel feel like an outdated cartoon from the rubber hose era.

The aspect of her design with the running mascara versus cute eyelashes predated the rotation of her Gem. Rebecca likes to start with more realistic sketches when she's figuring out a character, and then she'll move to making it more cartoony. A quote from Miki Brewster is shared: "Spinel can do anything, as long as it's entertaining!" Her "best friend" form is described as "a doll for friendship fun & games! Of a different era--hokey, charming, weird...super gullible and trusting. Incredibly loyal, constant entertainment machine!"

When it comes to developing her "worst enemy" form, Rebecca explains a bit that she has a really complicated relationship with old cartoons because nostalgia is not compelling to her--the animation from the 1930s is so neat, but considering the social limits and the way the industry was at the time, Rebecca doesn't think she could have participated. Especially considering nowadays she even had to struggle to be allowed to tell the stories she needed to tell and it would have been impossible five years ago. The norms of the time aren't entirely extricable from the art itself.

Takafumi Hori weighs in with commentary on how fun it was to animate a scary but fun character on top of Miki Brewster's boards for the "Other Friends" fight sequence.

Next, moving on from the central new character, they also spend some time discussing Steg. Rebecca first explains "Steg Multiverse" as a character so uplifting he can make you fly, combining Greg's unending support and Steven's positive power. She makes reference to the early "stegosaurus" concepts they had for his look, but they didn't want to lose the opportunity to have his hair flow. Rebecca confirms that the pompadour idea was established in "Steven and the Stevens" so they wanted to give it to Steg, and she credits Paul Villeco for really finalizing his design and bringing him to life.

And of course the poofy hair from Steven and the double-necked guitar was essential for Steg.

Next, the book gives us a whole page of handwritten notes about "Drift Away." Kat Morris explains the intentional duality of the scene--how Spinel should be shown seeing her own past with new perspective, being embarrassed, blending together who she was with who she is. The partial lyrics to the song and some sketchy boards are offered.

Rebecca shares her personal connection with the subject matter--how she once left a stuffed animal in her garden and the side facing the sun faded. It really made a mark on her as a child that things changed without her, because of her actions, and that she'd left this treasured toy alone without thinking about it all that time, letting it be affected by the elements without her interference. She wrote "Everything Stays" for Adventure Time based on that plushie, and realized that she was writing about it again for the Steven Universe movie.

Many beautiful miniature boards are shown in this section.

Partial sheet music for "Drift Away" is also offered here. It's credited to Rebecca Sugar and Aimee Mann. The music sheet is followed by some lovely images of the garden by Julian De Perio, Patrick Bryson, and Leonard Hung.

Takafumi Hori returns for a discussion of the final fight sequence during "Change," which he animated from Jeff Liu's boards. He discusses trying to keep the fight feeling dramatic and serious even though Spinel's fighting style is funny. He wanted to keep her tension. Hori-san throws in a word of thanks for being allowed to work on his favorite show again, praises Jeff and Miki, and compliments Rebecca Sugar's demos. He hoped we'd get a soundtrack album. (Of course, we did.)

Some final boards by Rebecca Sugar and Becky Dreistadt of the characters in their show gear descending the steps close out the book. There are also some cute little doodles at the end on the credits page, like a head of lettuce with caption "lettuce adore you" and Spinel in a drifting go-kart laughing, captioned "drift away."

The back cover pictures Steven with his arm around a heartbroken Spinel, comforting her.

Overall, the book is wonderful--the accompanying information is generally not new to anyone who watched the DVD's documentary and commentary, and many of the sketches have been released one way or another directly by the artists through Instagram, Twitter, or Tumblr blogs. There was still plenty of wonderful new concept art that wasn't already out there, and looking at some of the iterations Spinel and Steg went through was particularly captivating. There was no new insight into the development of the plot beyond the premise and the Spinel-related conflict, though; nothing about how they decided to focus the Garnet storyline, the Pearl storyline, and the Amethyst storyline for how they would each get their memories back, and there was no spotlight on their movie versions--modern Cotton Candy Garnet, copycat baby Amethyst, and factory settings uncustomized Pearl. I was hoping especially for some Amethyst stuff because the movie was the first place we got to see her with the simple default outfit and segmented limbs. It was primarily an art book with commentary on some of the most definitive movie aspects--it didn't reach the depth that Art and Origins gave us. It has a start-to-finish feeling in a sense, but it's mostly just splashes of information that are fun to know. It's a great companion and definitely should not be missed by any fan of the movie. I recommend it heartily!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[bedlamgames]

No Haven 0.892

Main highlights for this one are the talking to options, a new character with attached assignment in the marshlands, ponygirl training, new assignments, new commissions, and more.

Download links can be found on the No Haven page. Update notes can be found under the break.

If you don’t have RAGS and you need a copy to run it there’s one on the help page here. If RAGS has never worked on your system despite the help page suggestions then it might be worth trying with one of the alternate players. There’s also improvements on there to the RAGS player that can also help with performance.

0.89

-Talking to improvements:

---See what you can find out is now based more on a reputation check rather than just a random role. 

---You can now find out how they feel about the various encampment roles. What you know about them will be listed prior to the conversation. You can also find this out if you assign someone to a role that they love if a respect check is passed. 

---Talking to a slaver to find out they like/love being a Spiritual Leader will generate them a random faith trait as if you'd assigned them to the role. 

---Can now use hypnotic triggers during talk to so you can improve morale, lessen the effect to outright remove certain traits, and add new ones. (Will be active in the hotfix)

-Marshlands improvements:

---New text intro first time you go there.

---Bonus to find something based on the current month. 

---New character to find  with two pieces of patron commissioned art. 

---Can unlock a new encampment assignment to let your slavers to gain a new trait out of a possible twelve. 

-New commissions:

---One with variants for Dark Elf Female Slavers, Female Slaves, and Futanari Slaves. There's another variant that will be used for an assignment in a later update.

---One used for Sea Elf Male Slavers, and a zoomed in version for Quintari slaves. Will be used for an assignment in a later update.

---One with before and after variants used for one of the new assignments. Also used for now as Draenei Demi-Angel/Fallen/Succubus examines.

---Not a new one, but I've decided to use the Male Draenei portrait for the Male examine for that race as well. 

-New assignments:

---Ponygirl slave training which is unlocked through sufficient Endurance Training. This has also been added as a potential request from the Fulfil Opportunities. Currently uses the Quick as You Like commission, but I'm hoping to get that replaced soonish with a specific commission. Ideally to tie it together with the one I get to replace the current Endurance Training placeholder art. 

---The Arrogance storyline continues off a branching path with two connected new assignments. Include the first time where aspects are used like a trait check. Both have the potential to obtain the unique depicted in the commissioned art. First assignment is rare on the Great Plains, can be found only from the third month onwards, and includes vignettes for the successes. Second assignment is a reduced occurrence uncommon (like Green Wooden Door) in the Deep Mountains though it has to be unlocked first by having corruption and personally completing a certain assignment and obtained either of the uniques from that one.

-Basic Dominance Training now requires Advanced Obedience Training and is no longer blocked by being Obedient. Obedient slaves will not gain Dominant by completing the Dominance training, but can count the trait as a positive on assignments if they have completed Advanced Dominance Training. 

-All the Neko, Elves, Fae, and Nethemir regardless of portrait chosen may now take Feminine as a negative in Full Custom. They can also take Sissy as a Super Negative (TF Edition only).

-Repicking in full custom will now also reset physical traits. Gender will also be set back to Male if Sissy was taken a Super Negative (TF Edition only).

-Switch should now be fully implemented and can be taken during Full Custom. 

-Changed corruption so that you can get more aspects above what you can normally get from your level for competent slavers and above. 

-New general order so you can choose how you wanting training intensity to go if you don't want to pick each time. 

-Aura of Dark Prophecy has an extra bonus to his Cult Attendant on respect checks.

-You now shouldn't be able to go from Popular to Respected or from Feared to Liked on a positive result

-In full custom you can now take up to one Magic and one Elementalist traits discounted. Draki can now get the proper discount for having them both favoured. 

-Malevolence now gives a massive bonus or penalty depending on who has it to respect checks. If both you and them have it then it becomes a minor bonus. 

-Bed Warmer and Guard Duty preference was a straight roll before and not affected by traits like the other role preferences. Having changed this bed warmer also includes your traits like Seductive to see how they feel about the idea. While Guard duty is now more liked by your thugs, and honourable types while even more hated by unruly ones.

-Slightly lowered the rarity of assignments in the first month. Increased the rarity by the same amount from the sixth month onwards. 

-Increased the expiry of Lady of Light from 14 days to 21.

-Added a new reward level for really rare combo requests in Fulfill Opportunities. Currently only used for the request of both Endurance and Bimbo Training where the slave has managed to get x5 thanks to getting a crit in Endurance and then a crit in Ponygirl Training.

-Added Nethemir as a Disaster on Mistress of Torments.

-Removed the 'unlocks further training options' mention on Advanced Lesbian Training. I do mean to add a final form for lesbians sometime, but for now it was misleading so it's gone.

-Fix for assigning slavers to spiritual leader having no chance to get Laughing Trickster or Spiritual.

-Fix for dismissing Disliked slavers being treated as if they're Liked. 

-Fix for some slaves from Private Passage not having Debutante. 

-Fix for gaining Incandescent being listed as Feminine on assignments from Corruption. 

-Fix for a Blessing of Perversion corruption that gave Resilient and was impossible to get. 

-Fix for the Sinful Enlightenment corruptions that gave the Aspects Practitioner/Arch-Practitioner, and were impossible to get.

-Fix for Third Eye and losing Sneaky from corruption not giving Fel Tainted.

-Fix for the crit on Share the Wealth wiping previous aspects.

-Fix for not being able to take Desolators with the change to Magic: Corruption in Full Custom.

-Fix for an issue with Severina.

-Fix for not correctly getting pony/neko wear from Cutprice Roses.

0.891

-Finished off the talking to improvements with Hypnotic as another option to general chat to improve morale, lessen the effect of annoying traits to the point of removing them, and even with enough triggers spent adding some new traits.

-As Hypnotic is getting some love Dominator can now potentially remove Sadist. Requires Emotional (which can also potentially be gained through Domination). Moved Reserved down so that will be removed after Sadist if they had both traits.

-New commission for Artistry in Flesh. Has a second variant that will also be used for a new race.

-New commission provided by a patron to use for Kestrae Harpy examines and a future assignment.

-Attempted fix for the occasional biomancy/corruption text issues. Replaced a ton of variables with new ones to try to solve this so please let me know if this causes any formatting issues.

-Fix for the new corruption assignment not being able to start.  

-Fix for some issues caused by the use of both Sadist and Sadistic for the trait.

-Fix for fondled with slaves gaining a cock.

-Fix for an unintended jump from Popular to Respected on a positive result.

-Fix for not getting the Pretty Maid bonuses when Dominated/Obedient.

-Fix for Terrifying with Sadist being counted as having Acolyte of Pain on Fails and Disasters.

-Fix for a CT Error while caring for.

-Fix for getting a blank outcome when you know lots about a slaver.

-Fix for finding out about Seamstress preference hiding the other results.

-Fix for the witches getting jealous of the new inhabitant of the marshlands and breaking things if you find them.

-Fix for the Rare Race checks on Lady in Waiting.

-Fix for Lady in Waiting for the later fulfil opportunity parts having the slave traits being used for the suggestions.  

-Fix for some incorrect point bonuses for breasts in full custom.

-Fix for a 1/10 chance of a missing space on armour generation.  

-Fix for the issues with Tavern Takeover, Reign of the Witch-Queen, and Vicarage Tarts where you'd go on them, but they'd still be shown as expiring. Worked out what was going on there (turned out to be one of two possible issues) so if you see any others like that please let me know.

-Fix for the slave version of Severina not losing her magic with her virginity.

-Fix for repick issues with Sissy in full custom.

-Some text fixes.

0.892

-Wisps and Oozes without tentacles can now gain them on level up. 

-You making use of with Dominator will be more likely to inflict the Dominated state on slaves. It will also not be cleared at Finish day so they'll have the state for a day like if a slaver had inflicted it. 

-Fix for making use of slavers on roles not sending them back to their role.

-Fix for Private Passage generating all the time. 

-Fix for the Savage Remnants scenario race setting persisting after start.

-Fix for the other Callers from Deluge of Oozes not having magic. 

-Fix for dominator effects on slavers kicking in after the first use. 

-Fix for some weirdness caused by the new biomancy/corruption variables.

[xb-squaredx]

B-Squared’s Top 10 Games of 2019!

2019 was a year full to the brim of GREAT games, and as is the custom at the end of the year, people love to rank their favorites, so��I’d like to do the same! Of course my own tastes might be different from yours so if you don’t see a thing on here that you liked, chances are I didn’t like it…or more likely, there’s just too many great games out this year, and I couldn’t get to everything. I’d like to stress to that the rankings don’t really matter all that much, especially the farther down we go. Everything on here is an easy recommendation. Without any further ado…let’s take a look at my Top 10 Games of 2019~

#10 - River City Girls

I love action games, but 2D beat-em-ups never really clicked for me. They were largely before my time and I was thinking that it’d be impossible to get me into one in the current era of gaming. And then I saw Marian’s redesign for River City Girls and bought the game. What can I say? Abs are a great sales pitch. But seriously, getting Wayforward on the helm of a beloved classic franchise is already a great way to pique my interest, and while there’s SOME aspects of this game that I don’t quite gel with, it’s a fun, colorful romp through a ridiculous universe that I’d LOVE to see more of down the line. Featuring a role-reversal, with the girlfriends saving the boyfriends this time, River City Girls has gorgeous pixel art, an AMAZING pop-synth soundtrack that’s worth the price alone, and it’s a game that clearly had fun with the concept and that fun rubs off on you. From the stylish animated boss intros, to the co-op fun that can be had with a friend, everything in this game is brimming with charm. Basic NPCs have great designs in their own right, being able to recruit enemies as assists is a neat idea, and it all adds up to a fun, bite-sized adventure with a bit of depth under the hood if you’re willing to give it a look. Can the character designers get a raise for this game, please? And let Megan McDuffie just do all the songs from now on. ALL OF THEM.

#9 - Astral Chain

Most people assumed if we were going to get a Switch exclusive game by Platinum this year, it’d be Bayonetta 3 but instead Nintendo surprised us with Astral Chain, the anime cop action game we didn’t know we wanted. The game boasts great visuals and is probably the most content-rich Platinum game ever made for starters, but for me the true draw is in the combat. Playing as your police officer in tandem with an alien creature known as a Legion, this tag-team action game is unlike pretty much anything else on the market. While the game starts off very simplistic, the Legion itself moving and attacking with no input from the player, over time more and more options unlock and things get considerably more complicated. By game’s end, you’re drowning in options, and once things clicked, combat was always a treat. With plenty of enemies to practice with, Legions to master and a gigantic post-game filled with challenging encounters, I had more fun with the combat in this game than I did with a lot of other games this year. That said, I do feel that Astral Chain could have benefitted from trimming some fat or rethinking its overall structure. For being a new IP with some bold ideas, I’m willing to accept these as kinks that can hopefully be ironed out in a sequel. Oh, and add Lappy to Smash already. You know you want to, Sakurai.

#8 - BABA IS YOU

Puzzle games are hard sells for me, since I don’t like the frustration that often comes from being stuck. You feel dumb, you get embarrassed and turn the game off in shame, or at least that’s my experience. But then sometimes you get a game so clever, so…weird, that you can’t help but be sucked into it. BABA IS YOU is a block-pushing puzzle game, with the twist being that the “rules” of a particular stage are often physically present in levels and are in fact blocks that can be pushed and manipulated by the player. ROCK is PUSH, WALL is STOP, FLAG is WIN and BABA is YOU. But what if you can’t touch the flag because the wall is in the way? Well, make it so WALL is PUSH to move it aside, or maybe make it so that BABA is WIN and you become the win condition itself. As the game goes on, more modifiers and rules are slowly introduced and absorbed into your own internal logic of the game, logic that increasingly has to be broken and remade to suit your needs. It’s a very empowering experience when the solution clicks and the results can often be hilarious and surprising. This game also GOES PLACES the further you go in, and I’d rather not ruin that surprise for anyone who might be looking into the game. Definitely one of the most innovated titles I’ve played in a LONG time. BABA is GOOD.

#7 - Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid

OK, so…hear me out. Power Rangers was a franchise I was obsessed with as a kid, and while I don’t follow it anymore, there’s still some love for it flowing in my veins. So when a small, no-name studio puts out a Power Ranger fighting game that takes the simplified controls of Smash Bros. and the tag-team craziness of Marvel vs. Capcom and slaps it all together for a cool twenty bucks or so? Well you got yourself a purchase and it ended up being WAY more fun than I expected. Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid is far from the best looking fighter on the market, it’s single-player content is lacking, and it’s roster, while interesting, isn’t as big as a lot of the competition, but damn if it isn’t fun to play. With characters taken from across the franchise’s long history, from the live-action movie reboot to the comic books, each choice has been inspired and resulted in an incredibly varied cast. With no crazy inputs for special moves, combined with a tagging system that lets you cycle through your three-Ranger team quickly, the game is the best kind of chaotic fun, but true masters can command that chaos and channel it into cool combos that make you want to say “Morphinominal!” Considering it’s a budget title, it’s also received a fair amount of updates throughout the year to pad out the roster with both free and paid DLC fighters, a full story mode and improvements to the netcode and overall presentation., so if you passed on it at launch, it’s much improved now. It’s not gonna be a fighting game on everyone’s radar, but I’d rather support it than the grind-heavy slog Mortal Kombat has become…Now just hurry up and add that monster that baked the Rangers into a pizza!

#6 - New Super Lucky’s Tale

If your name isn’t Mario or Sonic, 3D platformers are effectively dead. That said, there’s been a few up-and-comers in recent years that are trying to revive the genre. Hat Kid from A Hat in Time, the duo of Yooka-Laylee, and now Lucky from the folks at Playful Studios. The cute fox has quite the history, starting from the Oculus Rift title, Lucky’s Tale, to a full-fledged platformer on the Xbox One X, Super Lucky’s Tale and now the enhanced port/reimagining New Super Lucky’s Tale on Switch. Halfway between a full-blown sequel, and enhanced edition, the game takes assets from the Xbox original game, tweaking and refining everything from visuals to controls to level layouts. The result is a game that is incredibly well-polished. It looks great, Lucky is a treat to control as he moves from jumping, burrowing and sliding around fluidly, and the variety on display keeps things interesting. We’ve got full 3D levels, 2D levels, auto-runners, and even some marble maze levels and puzzles thrown in for good measure. It’s not a hard game, but it IS incredibly fun, and well made. We don’t get many 3D platformers these days, so cherish what little comes of the genre. I hope Playful and Nintendo continue to collaborate, as they really seem more at home here. Just…maybe don’t add more words to the title of the next game, guys.

#5 - Katana Zero

There’s no nice way to say it: there’s too many pixel-based, side-scrolling indie games out there, so the ones that DO stand out deserve to be celebrated. Katana Zero has a real ‘80s flair for starters, using bright neon, TV and VCR visual effects, and a synth soundtrack to give it some real style. When a game kicks off with you slowing down time and reflecting a bullet back at an enemy with your katana, you make a good first impression! Add in the trial-and-error that is planning the perfect route through a stage, the satisfying slicing and dicing of enemies, the unique, challenging boss encounters, and you have a game that was on my radar for a while, before I finally got into it at the end of the year. Its storyline is pretty interesting too, with some slight variances in how events unfold depending on your words and actions, though it ending on a bit of a cliffhanger is a bummer. That said, when a game leaves you wanting more, there’s worse problems to have. At the very least, there’s some DLC hinted at that might be interesting, as well as the implications that this is the merely the first in a trilogy, and at this point I’m game for whatever developer Askiisoft has in store.

#4 - Luigi’s Mansion 3

The GameCube was an odd era for Nintendo, as they attempted to innovate and try new ideas rather than rely purely on their old standbys. Case-in-point, rather than launch the console with a new Mario platformer, his second-banana brother Luigi got his first starring role in what would become the Luigi’s Mansion series. While not making QUITE as big of a splash as maybe Nintendo hoped, it’s garnered a decent fanbase, and when a sequel was announced for 3DS, people ate it up. Considering the gap between the first and second games, I think many people were surprised at the relatively quick turn-around for the third installment. I was also surprised at the overall quality and how much I enjoyed digging into it. For starters, Luigi’s Mansion 3 is easily one of the better-looking Switch titles, boasting some great lighting and particle effects, with some fun physics implemented for just about everything in the massive mansion. Luigi and company are animated with a lot of expressiveness that never gets old, and the music sets the tone perfectly too. From a gameplay standpoint, the toolset Luigi gains gives him ample options to poke at every nook and cranny, with the slimy doppelganger Gooigi being the clear stand-out. Some of the floors of the Last Resort hotel that Luigi must ascend are particularly massive and intricate too, some floors feeling like Legend of Zelda-style dungeons. While not a particularly challenging game, it’s still really satisfying to poke and prod at everything in sight, sucking in all the coins, gold bars and stacks of paper bills you can handle, not to mention slamming the ghosts around like the Hulk does to Loki. There’s also multiplayer! That I…haven’t really touched but…hey! More bang for your buck, surely!

#3 – Dragon Quest XI S

I don’t consider myself a huge fan of JRPGs. Or at least that’s what I thought before I tried out the Dragon Quest XI demo on Switch. I ended up falling for the game hard and bought the full release, carrying my demo data over and not stopping until I hit credits. Despite having never touched a Dragon Quest game before, outside of an hour or so of VIII, I was overcome with this feeling of nostalgia when it came to this game. That’s because Dragon Quest is THE quintessential JRPG game, the originator of all that we take for granted today. It was nice to feel right at home with a simple, effective combat system, rather than having to watch games re-invent the wheel in an attempt to stand out from the pack (sorry Xenoblade), and the story itself, while predictable and a little basic at times, was told well and told earnestly. It really nailed the feeling of going on a grand adventure, with enough twists on the formula to keep things interesting. The turn-based combat was elementary, but always presented me with fair challenges and lots of ways to solve the encounters laid before me, with enough quality-of-life features added in to minimize grind and make things more convenient. The Switch version of Dragon Quest XI featured a bunch of new content on top of a game that had more than enough going for it, and it’s clear a lot of work was done to make this port as faithful as could be, and it stands out not just as a great port on a system known for some shoddy ones, but as a title that’s brimming with as much polish and quality to rival first-party Switch titles. Don’t ban Hero in Smash and don’t miss out on this game if you haven’t taken the plunge already!

#2 – Devil May Cry 5

The Devil May Cry franchise has had its share of ups and downs over the years. For every game that’s considered a success, you have another game that doesn’t quite measure up. For years many thought the franchise was dead in the water after the attempted reboot, DMC: Devil May Cry failed to grow its audience, but when Microsoft’s E3 2018 show revealed to us a new installment, fans were ecstatic. Devil May Cry 5 boasts crisp visuals, deep combat and trims the fat, removing the wonky platforming and puzzles of earlier games to create a high-octane action experience that ultimately exceeded fan expectations. Its storyline firmly plants Devil May Cry 4’s Nero as a main character in his own right, wraps up the story of the Sparda brothers neatly, and if this ended up being the last title in the series, I think it’s that rare ending that ends up being totally satisfying. Combat is the real draw here though, the game giving players three distinct characters to learn and master. Nero’s robotic Devil Breaker arms allow him a decent amount of variety, while having a balanced, beginner-friendly combat style for new players. Dante remains the king of variety, having more weapons than ever before combined with his signature style switching, though the game is actually designed with all these options in mind so he doesn’t end up breaking the game like he did in 4. Newcomer V ends up being a breath of fresh air, controlling up to three demonic summons at once, forcing players to really think more strategically. The music is incredible too; Nero’s own theme, Devil Trigger, has been stuck in my head since last year and I don’t see it leaving any time soon. All things considered, Devil May Cry 5 might be the best game in the franchise, and a worthy contender for game of the year personally. Now if only we had a special edition with Vergil and the ladies playable…

#1 - Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I got into the Fire Emblem series with Awakening and really liked it a lot, however Fates, the next installment, left a bad taste in my mouth. I couldn’t really get into Echoes, itself a remake of the second game in the series, and I began to wonder if this franchise was really for me. I was willing to give Three Houses a shot, but I was not prepared for the game to blow past all my expectations. Fire Emblem: Three Houses isn’t just a good game, it’s a game that’s redeemed a franchise that’s stumbled a bit in recent years, and it likely cements Fire Emblem as a core Nintendo franchise for years to come. It has class, depth and real heart...with only minor creepy or pervy elements! Making a grand return to home consoles after more than a decade on handhelds, it goes big and it ultimately paid off, on track to become the best-selling entry in the series. The school setting might seem weird at first, and I wondered how well I’d adjust to it, but being able to instruct your units and influence their growth in battle was worth the learning curve. Things are introduced slowly enough that the flow of the game becomes relatively easy to manage, if a bit time-consuming overall. With four distinct storylines you can explore, TONS of character interactions and some interesting tweaks to the strategic gameplay the series is known for, I’m confident in saying that Three Houses is well-worth a purchase for newcomers to the franchise. Divine Pulse is a great quality-of-life addition that lets you undo mistakes, rather than force you to start over from scratch, and overall the UI and layout of the game gives you enough information to make informed decisions without overwhelming you. Makes me wonder how we survived before the games showed us who enemies would target on their turns before now. Admittedly, some aspects of the progression have some issues, especially at endgame, and visually the game really is not up to par most of the time, but these end up being tiny blemishes in the long run for me. They certainly weren’t bad enough to prevent me from starting a new path the instant I finished my first route. If I have one request…just make Claude a gay option. Give the people what they want, Nintendo!

Honorable Mentions

I’d like to add on some honorable mentions here before we close things out, though most of these are things I didn’t even get a chance to play, but they certainly might have made this list. For one, Resident Evil 2 Remake seems like a high-quality reinterpretation of the survival-horror classic, but I can’t do horror so I’ll likely pass it up. It’s also for that reason that I might not get to Control but I might try jumping out of my comfort zone for that one. The confusion surrounding both The Other Worlds AND The Outer Wilds is funny, but they’re both space-based games I’d be keen on getting to at some point down the line; the former is a great Western RPG by the folks who made the GOOD Fallout games, while the latter is an interesting space-faring puzzler with some interesting mechanics I’d rather not spoil for those not more in-the-know. Indie titles Sayonara Wild Hearts and GRIS definitely caught my attention with their great visuals, and in the case of the former, its soundtrack, even if the gameplay wasn’t quite there for me, and the weird fighting-game-but-kinda-RPG that is Indivisible demands my attention sooner or later. Bloodstained is the Castlevania follow-up I keep forgetting is out, and I hear great things about Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair. The team behind the Yakuza series recently made a spin-off of sorts, Judgment that hit the West this year and while I like the Yakuza series for its quirky tone and fun combat, there’s still six other games I’d have to sift through, so going with Judgment, which is set to possibly begin a new franchise, seems like a good alternative. And how could I forget the likes of Shovel Knight as we finally receive the last expansion that’s been years in the making? I haven’t touched the King of Cards expansion yet, but I have the upmost faith in anything Yacht Club makes, so that’s surely a game of the year contender. 2019 was crazy good! Glad to close the year out with so much quality, and tons of great stuff to add to the ever-growing backlog.

Hope you had some good gaming memories made this year!

-B

[enjolrasrising]

Chiaroscuro

The dream was dark, cold and empty. Grantaire couldn’t open his eyes, but through his eyelids he could tell that all that existed in the space was shadow. He couldn’t move either, though his chest heaved like he’d been running, and his legs shook, threatening to buckle under his own weight. He tried to call out for help, but his throat was dry and he couldn’t take in enough air to breathe out a single word. He thought maybe he would die like this, alone and cold. But something told him, maybe not just yet.

The dream changed. He was standing in an apartment, eyes open, the darkness gone. He’d never been here before, and something deep within him hoped he’d never come back. Grantaire felt someone tugging at his shirt. He looked down and saw a little girl, with dark brown hair and emerald green eyes.

“Tristan,” she said, in a voice that echoed around him, “the floor.”

Below his feet, the carpet felt damp. In the space of a moment, Grantaire became distinctly aware that he was standing in blood. He opened his mouth to cry out, but again, he didn’t have the breath to spare.

He woke to his heart pounding and his side aching. For a moment he was confused as to why he couldn’t hear his own heart beat steadily setting the pace for the EKG, or the slow inhale and exhale of the oxygen tank. But as he took in his surroundings, he recalled that a few days ago Joly and Bahorel had checked him out of the hospital and brought him to his dorm room. He blinked up at his dim forest painting on the wall, and Enjolras’ red banner right next to it. The room was such an odd mix of art and politics, messy paintbrushes and overfilled calendars, and it usually comforted him. But today it filled him with the looming anxiety of real life coming at him fast after a long, weird break. Grantaire slowly started to put his arms over his eyes to block out the world, but the movement pulled at the stitches in his side, so he lowered them again.

Enjolras’ voice came from his own side of the room, which was messy but somehow a more organized mess than Grantaire’s side. “Shit, sorry, did I wake you up?”

Grantaire flinched in surprise and put his hand over his heart. He looked over at Enjolras, who was unpacking a suitcase. “Fu…you scared me.”

“Sorry.” He was frozen, mid-folding a t-shirt, his expression full of poorly disguised worry.

Grantaire sighed and started to slowly sit up. He pushed aside an empty cereal bowl he’d been working up the courage to get up and wash before he fell asleep. “Was I making noises?”

“Yeah. Bad dream?”

“Kinda. These painkillers are dope, but also they make me dream super vividly and I’m sick of it.” He turned his body to face Enjolras, his back up against the wall and his feet hanging off the edge of the bed. “Did you just get back?”

Enjolras nodded, resuming his folding. “Yeah, and I’m glad. Winter break sucked.” He brushed hair out of his eyes and Grantaire caught a glimpse of a bruise under the lamplight.

“What happened to your face?”

Enjolras’ movements halted for a split second, but then he kept folding as if nothing was out of place. “I may have gotten drunk at a family Christmas party and crashed into something.”

The mental image alone was enough to make Grantaire laugh. “Oh my god—ow.” He put his hand over his side, keeping his body rigid to stop the pain. He tried to breathe as gingerly as possible. “What the fuck…I can’t even laugh anymore?”

Enjolras stood up, his eyes wide. “Do you want me to call someone? You should still probably be in the hospital.”

“I’m fine, man, I’m not going back there. They’ve already taken too much of my money.” He meant for his tone to come across as light, but the sourness of the statement dominated any attempt at a joke.

“I can pay,” Enjolras said, still looking worried. “If it’s too expensive, I can help out.”

Grantaire felt his chest warm at the offer, at Enjolras exhibiting so much concern on his behalf. But he shook his head. “I don’t want your guilt money, dude.” He quickly added, “But thanks.”

“It’s not guilt money,” Enjolras’ voice was defensive, “it’s friend money. I want to help, I’m…I’ve been worried about you.”

Grantaire met his eyes, and suddenly the room felt a little colder. “Well, you’ve already committed yourself to dying to take down the government that did this, so I think you’re helping enough.”

Enjolras held his gaze, his stare turning icy. “If you hate the cause I fight for so much—”

“I didn’t say I hated it, come on.”

“—why the fuck do you stick around us?”

“Don’t act like you don’t—"

“Or why the hell did you even insist on coming with us to the meeting with Mouton?”

Grantaire made a big show of rolling his eyes. “Stop it, Enjolras. Stop acting like you’re so clueless, it’s really fucking annoying!”

Enjolras scoffed. “Is it really? Well if you aren’t going to ever come out and say how you really feel about people, then why the hell should I?”

“Because…” Grantaire faltered. He had his reasons, a lot of reasons, but none of them were willing to come out of his mouth.

“Acting clueless is a lot easier than facing the fact that…” Enjolras broke off their eye contact and looked angrily down at his suitcase, “…that you only came to the public relations building with us because you had feelings for me. If you hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have gotten shot. You wouldn’t have lost a ton of money to the hospital, you wouldn’t have missed all of your finals, you wouldn’t have missed seeing your family for the holidays, you…” He looked back up. “…you’d be able to laugh at me without it hurting.”  

Grantaire stared at him, his heart beating fast. His voice was soft, his throat getting tight. “You don’t want anything to happen between us, do you?”

There was already an apology in Enjolras’ eyes. He slowly pulled out his desk chair and sat down heavily. “We are both really different, Grantaire. I don’t think we would be good for each other.”

It felt just like the dream—he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs to say everything he wanted to say. He heard himself take in a couple of wheezing breaths before speaking in a small voice. “How do you know?”

“I just said, we’re really different—”

“But you saved my life, you…” Grantaire pushed himself off the bed, standing. “…you have no idea what you’ve done for me.” His legs shook from the effort and the stitches in his side protested, but he stayed standing.

Enjolras stood too. “Grantaire, look at the fucking situation you’re in! I didn’t save your life! If anything, Combeferre was the one holding back the bleeding.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Grantaire gripped the wooden bedframe, white knuckled. “I wasn’t gonna come to school this semester, I’d already planned not to. I’d already planned everything.”

Enjolras stared at him. “…what?”

The words kept tumbling out. “The day you texted me about meeting each other for the first time, you fucking…you interrupted everything. And then I met you and just…fuck man, everything about you just radiates light.” He met Enjolras’ eyes, even though he felt himself blushing. “You invited me to those meetings, you think my art is good, you just, like, care so much about everything and…and you saved my life. You’re good for me.”

Enjolras’ face was sheet pale, his eyes tinged red. He turned away from Grantaire and started to head for the door, but the thought of leaving was clearly half-hearted because he stopped three-fourths of the way there. He put the heels of his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath. “Grantaire, you can’t put that shit on me.” He dropped his hands to his side and turned around. “I am not your savior. Cause in the end, you still chose not to finish you plan. So, do you actually love me, or are you just grateful that someone stopped you long enough for you to reconsider your choices?”

“That’s fucking…” He shook his head, “No, of course I…” But as he thought about it, his protests began to lose strength.  Grantaire felt his legs buckle and he slowly lowered himself onto the cold floor. “Fuck…” he pressed his hand to his side and squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck.” The darkness behind his eyelids felt just like the dream; vast, petrifying, lonely.

Had he really just confused grateful admiration for romantic love? He wasn’t even sure he knew the difference between them. Everyone he’d ever fallen for seemed so much better than him, so much better than he’d ever be.

He felt Enjolras kneeling down across from him and he slowly, miserably opened his eyes. He looked up at his roommate, pushing through the embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

Enjolras’ expression was firm but gentle. “Don’t apologize for having feelings. Maybe I’m actually wrong about all of this, I just…like, I don’t want you to think you are incapable of doing good for yourself.” He rubbed his palms on his pants, breaking off their eye contact. “And I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have told you all of this before you followed me to the meeting with Mouton. I could have saved you a lot of hurt.”

“I would have gone anyway,” Grantaire said without a second thought.

That seemed to take Enjolras by surprise. “Why?”

The question made him pause, and Grantaire realized that he didn’t know how to put his response into words. Because the real answer was just a feeling, and the feeling felt impossible to describe. He went with a simpler way of putting it. “You’re my friend. And instead of playing a sport or doing some normal thing for me to support, you’re…a fucking revolutionary.”

A small smile played on Enjolras’ lips. “But you’re still going to disagree with me during meetings and over text, right?”

“Oh for sure. I don’t have to agree with you, but I’m still going to support your dumb choices.”

For some reason, that was cause for tears to form in Enjolras’ eyes. And Grantaire felt a question in the air between them that didn’t need to be voiced in order to be answered. He leaned forward as much as his wound would allow to meet Enjolras in a gentle embrace.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Enjolras said, softly.

Grantaire didn’t answer, but he felt the darkness that was lingering around him push away. He was okay, and for now, that felt good.

“Oh my god, wait…” Enjolras pulled away and stood up. “I have a Christmas gift for you.”

Grantaire sniffed and made himself a little more comfortable on the floor. “That’s not fair, I didn’t get you anything.”

“You’re alive. That’s the best Christmas gift I’ve ever gotten.” Enjolras reached into his closet and pulled out a large, covered rectangle that was nearly as tall as him.

“What the fuck is that? It’s in a canvas b—” Grantaire’s eyes widened and he looked from Enjolras to the covered canvas in disbelief. “You son of a bastard.”

Enjolras grinned and Grantaire thought he might as well die on the floor. “I told you I’d steal it. My father has no idea.” He leaned the canvas against the wall, unzipped the case, and pulled it to the side.

“Holy…fuck. Holy fucking fuck.” Grantaire got on his knees and gazed at the Caravaggio painting. “Enjolras…holy fuck. It’s a Judith. It’s a fucking Judith beheading Holofernes—holy shit.”

He could hear the gleefulness in Enjolras’ voice. “Oh my god, are you crying?”

“Uh yeah, man, yeah I am. There is Caravaggio two inches from my face.” He rubbed his shirt sleeve across his eyes. “Look at the chiaroscuro, look at Judith’s face…” He looked up at Enjolras. “You are…unbelievable.”

“You deserve a Judith, R.” Enjolras sat down next to Grantaire, facing the painting. “Tell me what chiaroscuro is, you say it all the time and I never know what you’re talking about.”

Grantaire smiled and thought, he could die like this, with Enjolras, with bruises, with tears in his eyes. But maybe not just yet.  

[kellanved-ammanas]

Artistic Chapter Four of Four: Talk

The door to Scout’s room swung open as Sniper knocked it, it must’ve not been latched properly. A quick peek inside revealed that the room was empty, Scout wasn’t there. Meaning if Sniper wanted to corner Scout in his room as Spy suggested, he’d have to come back later.

So he stepped in to grab the door handle. Before he could close it though he caught sight of Scout’s sketchbook lying on his desk. The page it was open to was torn, the copious amounts of eraser shavings led to the conclusion that that had been caused by a too vigorous attempt at erasing whatever had been drawn there.

Curious now, Sniper peeked out to check the hallway. The coast was clear so he stepped inside fully and pulled the door mostly closed behind him. As if not latching the door could somehow make what he was doing any better. But he was curious and Scout was acting weird, maybe this was a clue about why that was. Or Sniper was just being a nosy asshole making excuses for himself.

It was impossible to tell what the drawing had been. None of it remained and the tears in the paper made the faint traces of it left nigh on impossible to decipher. So after one more look over his shoulder, Sniper picked it up and flipped to the front.

On the first page was a picture of Miss Pauling. The careful and loving detail Scout had drawn her with made it clear it was back when he was still big into her. The next couple of pages were just sketches of stuff around the base or various random things and/or their teammates. That pattern kept up for a while, lots of pics of Pauling – all lovingly drawn – and various things in between.

All of it was quite good, Sniper was impressed. Scout didn’t show his drawings to many people unless they were jokes. Maybe Sniper would start asking him about them more often, assuming they got past whatever was making Scout avoid him.

He was just about to put the sketchbook down when he came across a drawing of himself. It wasn’t like the occasional quick sketch of himself that he’d come across before but a lovingly drawn and detailed picture. And there were more after it, several more.

One in particular was fantastic, it was of him aiming with his rifle, the vague background details pointing towards it taking place in the shooting range. So… Scout had drawn a lot more than just his gun.

It was… weird looking at all these lovingly drawn pictures of himself, especially this one, like he was looking at something personal and private. It made feel warm too though, he hadn’t known Scout looked at him like that. Whatever ‘that’ was.

After that though was when the frustrated scribblings and erasing started. It quickly led to the final torn page, suggesting Scout hadn’t even attempted to draw much since that last really nice picture. Why though? What had Sniper down to upset him so much?

“Hey!”

Sniper almost dropped the sketchbook as he snapped around to see that Scout had returned. He was standing in the open doorway, understandably, he didn’t look pleased. Whoops, Sniper had no one but himself to blame though for being a nosy bastard.

“Uh, hey mate, how’s it going?” He cringed at his own words. It was impossible for this to get any more awkward. If a hole in the ground opened up beneath him to swallow him whole, he’d almost welcome it.

“What are you doing in my…” Scout cut off, his eyes latching onto his sketchbook still in Sniper’s hands. “Were you looking at my drawings?”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“How much did you see?”

“Uh… a lot, I uh… kind of flipped through the whole thing. I’m…”

“Shit, fuck,” Scout cut him off. “It’s not what it looks like... or well it is what it looks like but… it doesn’t… matter. It’s whatever you know? I’m sorry, super sorry, it’s awkward and shit I know but like… just pretend you don’t know please.” He was blushing hard and squirming nervously, looking like he wanted to run away from this conversation about as much as Sniper did. What was he talking about though? He should be berating Sniper for invading his privacy not apologizing to him.

“Sorry.” Sniper awkwardly closed the book and placed it back on the desk again. At this point he’d have leave except Scout was between him in the door, blocking the way, Sniper wasn’t going to push past him or ask him to move. “I shouldn’t’ve done that.” He should’ve just closed the door and left. “But uh… why are you apologizing?”

Groaning, Scout pressed his hands to either side of his face and started pacing, making it even hard to get past him to the exit. “Because you know now and it’s awkward and awful and weird.”

Sniper was missing something, his lack of people skills never failed him. Should he ask about it? Maybe it’d be best to just find a way out of this situation, say ‘excuse me’ and then just leave and hope this never came up again. “Know what?” Or not.

Scout paused, turning his head to look at Sniper again. “You mean… you looked at the all those pictures I drew of you in the past however many weeks and you haven’t figured it out?”

“Uh… no?” He shouldn’t have asked, he should’ve bailed. Too late now though. “They were nice though, you’re uh… really good at drawing.” Now probably wasn’t the time to compliment his art skills, was it?

“Oh my god, I’m such a fucking idiot. Why am I so fucking dumb? Just shoot me now please, put me out of my misery.”

“You’re not dumb.” Sniper wasn’t going to stand by and let Scout berate himself like that no matter how uncomfortable the circumstances of this conversation were.

“I am though.” Scout started pacing again, not looking at Sniper and making frustrated gestures with his hands as he spoke. “You somehow didn’t figure it out so I shouldn’t’ve said anything and now I basically have to tell you since you’ll think this conversation through later and figure it out then so I might as well just cut to the chase and get this shit over with since we’re both here and everything is awkward and ruined and horrible already.” He paused again, taking a deep breath and crossing his arms, keeping his head turned away from Sniper. “I’m like totally into you in a… romantic way.”

“Oh,” was all that came out of Sniper’s mouth. It was the dumbest thing he could’ve said but it was also the only thing he was capable of saying right now. He hadn’t even known Scout as into guys.

“Yeah, ‘oh’.” Scout’s shoulders slumped as he sat on the edge of his bed. “I’m a pathetic idiot who keeps falling for people just because they’re nice to me even though they’re always way out of my league. It happened all throughout high school and then with Miss Pauling and now you. Every time I made a move I always get turned down because I can never fall for anyone who even has a small chance of being interested in me like that. That’s not surprising though considering apparently all it takes for me to fall for someone is them being nice to me, fucking pathetic I know. So I decided to not even bother this time so you don’t have to worry about it, just pretend we didn’t have this conversation.” He made vague gesture with his hand. “See you around, I guess.”

Sniper could easily leave now but… didn’t want to anymore. He couldn’t leave Scout like this. “What… what if… I am interested?” It was a question for both himself and Scout. He hadn’t considered before because he’d always assumed Scout didn’t ‘roll that way’ as he’d put it. But he’d admired Scout’s energy, confidence, and sociability from day one. Since then he’d only grown to admire him more and care for him a lot. He’d be lying if he tried to tell himself he didn’t find Scout attractive too. So… he was interested in Scout like that and better yet apparently Scout felt the same way. And better, better yet, Sniper hadn’t consciously realized this before now so he didn’t have to worry and stress about how Scout might feel about him.

Scout visibly tensed before turning his head to finally look at Sniper again. “Why would you be?”

Now it was Sniper’s turn to blush and shift awkwardly. “Because… I am.” What else could he say? He’d fallen for Scout, he hadn’t realized because he was bad with people and relationships but he had.

Scout looked at him speechless for a few seconds before replying. “I’m stupid, I can’t read properly, I mix the letters up a lot because I’m too dumb not to.” He sounded like he genuinely believed that and… that was sad. “Still want anything to do with me knowing that?” Did he expect that to alter Sniper’s feelings for him?

“You’re not dumb or stupid.” Sniper was bad at this type of thing but he had to do his best because Scout deserved to be happy and not feel so bad about himself. “Being book smart isn’t the only kind of smart and I ain’t too a good a reader either.” He didn’t need to be, reading wasn’t a preferred hobby of his. “And even if you were stupid, that’d be okay and I wouldn’t care and uh… it wouldn’t change anything.”

“You… you really mean that?” Scout’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. If he started crying Sniper would have no idea how to handle that so hopefully, he wouldn’t. “You still like me even though I’m dumb?”

“Yep, I really mean that. But you’re not…”

Scout shot up and hugged him. He was shocked but found himself returning it before giving it any real thought. It was nice and the way Scout clung to him as if he needed him made him feel warm inside.

Eventually they broke apart so Scout could wipe his tears away with the heel of his hand. He was smiling though, looking happier than Sniper had seen him in a while which in turn made Sniper happy too. “Thanks,” he said. “But uh… are you really like me like that, for reals?”

“Yeah, I uh do.” Any doubts he might’ve had had been dispelled by how nice that hug had been and the look on Scout’s face now. He wanted Scout to be happy and the thought of Scout being happy in his arms was more than a little appealing.

“I guess this means we’re like… dating or something now, right?”

“Yeah, I guess it does, huh? I’ve never had a boyfriend before though so… sorry if I’m like awkward and stuff.” It was best to get that out of the way now in case Scout expected him to know anything about romantic relationships. Pretty much everything he did know was gotten from books and movies and he didn’t tend to consume media that focused on romance so his knowledge on it was limited.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before either. I had a girlfriend once back in high school but it turns out that she only agreed to go out with me because her friends dared her to.”

“Oh, sorry mate, that sucks.”

“Eh, it was a long time ago and she was a bitch anyway. I’m happy now though, thanks. Sorry for being a mess and avoiding you and stuff. I just… didn’t want to be rejected again.”

“I understand.” That was reasonable, he would’ve preferred it if Scout had just talked to him like an adult instead of letting him worry and think he’d done something wrong for so long. Though… if Sniper had realized how hard he’d fallen before now he probably also wouldn’t have said anything so he couldn’t judge much. Happily, things had somehow worked out though. And they were like… a thing now, that was good. So…

Before Sniper could second-guess himself or hesitate to the point of inaction, he leaned in to kiss Scout on the cheek. Brief and chaste it lasted no more than a second. He was almost shocked he’d done it and it made his face burn.

“Whoa hey,” Scout said, grabbing the front of Sniper’s shirt as he tried to retreat. “You’re not going to get away with doing that and then running away.” Standing on his toes, it was now his turn to kiss Sniper… on the mouth.

Shocked once more, it took Sniper a few seconds before he could reciprocate. He was bad at kissing but that was okay, Scout wasn’t too great either. They both made up for it with earnestness. It was nice and felt good and proper, he liked it.

“If you two are going to make out the least you could do is close the damn door.”

They flinched apart to look towards the door – Sniper had forgotten it was still open from when Scout had come in. Spy was standing in the doorway, looking at them with a glare. Of all people to walk by and see them Spy was probably the worst one. How would he react to this? Would he disapprove? Approve? Would he even care? … Wait, he’d already known, this was why he’d told – more like ordered – Sniper to talk to Scout, right?

“Hey Dad,” Scout said like it was no big deal as he turned to face him, putting an arm around Sniper’s shoulders as he did so. “Me and Sniper are dating now, isn’t that cool?”

“Good for you. I don’t want to see it though so keep your damn door closed.” He stepped in, grabbed the door handle and stepped out, pulling the door closed with a soft thud.

“Well at least we know my dad approves,” Scout said with grin as he stepped back.

“I guess.” It hadn’t looked like approval but his advice – if it could be called that – had ultimately led to Sniper coming here which had led to this so he at the very least didn’t disapprove.

“Yeah, if he didn’t approve, he’d have threatened to gut you.” Probably true. “But speaking of that uh… do we want to tell the rest of the team or keep it a secret?”

“Uh… how ‘bout we just let them figure it out on their own.” Sniper didn’t want to go through the social interactions involved in telling everyone but he also didn’t want to keep it a secret.

“Works for me,” Scout said. “Thanks though for everything, really, you’re wonderful.”

And now Sniper was blushing again. How was he supposed to respond to that? “You too.”

“Let’s go get something to eat, we can figure out what we want to do for a first date later.”

“Sure.” Sniper would probably find a way to fuck up their first date but he could worry about that later. For now, he let Scout take his hand and lead him out. Sniper had never held someone’s hand like this before. It was nice, he could get use to it.

Previous

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Watchlist

THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME THIS SEASON I HAD TO BINGE 37 EPISODES IN THREE DAYS TO CATCH UP

Dropped

Mahou Shoujo Site: Although I originally intended to irony watch this one, expecting something like MahoIku or King’s Game, its sadistic reveling in the main character’s suffering was impossible to stomach. I felt physically ill at the end of it. I’m not, in principle, opposed to gory stuff, y’all know I sat through the whole stupidity that was King’s Game, but MahoSite doesn’t even reach the level of ridiculous over the topness to make it funny, it’s just a cascade of misery porn with not a single moment of levity or triumph for the heroine. I think I was done the moment that gratuitous “if you punch my stomach my period won’t come” line, because apparently some dudes get off on the idea of a woman being so brutalized she stops menstruating??????

Kakuriyo Yadomeshi: I was willing to give this one the three-episode trial after the first episode in spite of the godawful main love interest and the fact that the grandfather sold the MC into literal slavery wtf, because the main girl seems proactive and independent buuuuuuut fuck I hated episode 2. Not only does she seem to quickly forgive her grandfather for SELLING HER OFF, the men around her keep speaking over her and making decisions for her and she turns out to be just independent enough to not be a complete doormat, but not enough to appear defiant and I hate it. Thanks but no thanks, I ain’t here to see a romantization of being literally sold into an arranged marriage.

YOU THINK?!

Cutie Honey Universe: Before this, I’d had zero interaction with any other iteration of Cutie Honey, so I wasn’t sure of what to expect beyond knowing this was from the creator of Devilman. Certainly blatant homophobic jokes and jokes about physical abuse wasn’t in my list of thigs I expected to see, yet here we are. I ain’t here for “hyuk hyuk look at these fat/butch/ugly lesbians, aren’t they ridiculous” jokes either.

Butlers x Battlers: I completely forgot I watched this one. I don’t remember anything about it except being confused

GeGeGe no Kitaro: This one didn’t do anything wrong, but I was never gonna watch it. I just checked out episode 1 because I heard it made a dig at Logan Paul. I wish they’d gone all the way through and killed that character, but I guess you can’t have it all. It was actually a pretty decent episode, and in a weaker season I’d probably keep watching it, but there’s just too much stuff coming out. And I have watched previous Kitaro anime and it’s sometimes too meanspirited for me.

Uma Musume: I didn’t expect much from this show and was pleasantly surprised by the double-length first episode. Special Week was a nice, fun protagonist to root for and although the world-building was weird as heck, it was fun and positive. So I’m not exactly sure of what happened with episode 2/3 that it left me feeling completely dry. The pacing was super rushed, the characters all felt horribly flat, and the races weren’t super exciting because rather than any strategy or strong emotional realization, Special Week just has to start running even faster and faster in the final leg. It was also kind of implied she had gained weight? But then never brought up? And it’s not made very clear why she lost in the end? Was she supposed to learn humility and not getting too complacent? Seems too early for her to learn that when she’s supposed to be an underdog. I don’t know, it didn’t really work for me and I don’t feel like I care to watch more of it.

Because this post is long af and has a lot of gifs some folks were having trouble loading it on mobile, so you’ll have to read under the cut to know which are the shows I’m actually watching oops

Chopping Block: 

There is too much anime and I’m near the end of the semester so I’m gonna have to cut at least one -preferably two- of these shows

Sword Art Online Alternative: This was another one I intended to hatewatch? But rather than offensive or idiotic it’s so far been pretty boring. Episode one was a slog. The first half of episode two was a horrendous spectacle of hating your own body. The only think I liked was the friendship between LLENN and Pito (btw Pito meand ‘dick’ in Spanish and every time she says “call me Pito” I die). Then episode 3 was more boring exposition. FPS games are the least interesting I could think of, and I’ve never been into Let’s Play, so this show is hitting all the right notes to make me bored out of my mind. I also don’t appreciate the big dude not telling Llenn the plan and just kind of being condescending to her. If next episode is just 20 more minutes of the dude explaining things to Llenn, I’m out. (Also, Pito is 100% Elsa Kanzaki)

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Not feeling this reboot at all. It’s all very dry and just dudes expositioning strategy at each other. Also there are 30 characters in the Ending and only 2 of them are women???? I’ll give it one more episode, but tbh I’ve had problems even paying attention to 2 and 3, it just doesn’t grab me.

Libra of Nil Admirari: Although I like the heroine and she might be one of the strongest reverse harem heroines I’ve seen, the plot itself is very... eh. The guys are also very uninteresting so far. There’s also the fact that Tsumugi claims to have no interest in men or love, but this being a reverse harem with a bevy of men starved for her attention makes me worry this’ll end with her being “fixed” by an actual nice guy who is worthy of her or something. But the OP is very cute!

Hatewatch

Darling in the Franxx: Boy oh boy, the otaku have been creaming their pants and tearing their clothes off for the last three weeks, but “Don’t call it Fucking, It’s Making Love” in the Franxx’s greatest achievement in my eyes is going for idiotically offensive to just bland and clichéd. A recent AMA on reddit with the producer seems to imply that none of the themes of sex, gender and heterosexism that have been at the core of the show were even properly thought out, nor were their implications even remotely considered. I don’t know if the show’s heterosexism would be worse if it was active propaganda rather than what it seems to be: a bunch of ideas the producers thought would be “cool” and “titillating” with no particular meaning to them. Also we’re 15 episodes in and all we’ve achieved is Palurdo has finally tamed his beast waifu who is Not Like Other Girls. Oh, and I guess the monsters actually had humans in there, what a shocker, never seen that before, never expected such a clever twizzzzzzzz....

Mid Priority

Tokyo Ghoul: Re : I thought I was done with Tokyo Ghoul after trying to read the manga and being bored shitless by all the unnecessary exposition, but this one, while not quite excellent, managed to pique my interest. The conceit of Kaneki losing his memories and joining the Doves and helping in exterminating ghouls I’m super not interested in, but his encounter with Nishio has made me curious enough about what has happened with the rest of the characters to keep watching for now.

Rokuhodou Biyori: The iyashikei show of the season I guess. The guys’ personalities are a little bland, so I might bump it down to the chopping block, but it’s only been two episodes, so I want to give it a fair chance

Persona 5: My history with Persona has never been good. Episode 1 of P4 made me sleep, and I watched the first P3 movie THREE TIMES and never managed to parse wtf it was about. This show shares some of the same problems in making me struggle to pay attention, but at least so far the plot seems interesting, the visuals are creative and striking, and I really like the main character’s design. I’m also more inclined to keep watching because Sayokan directed the OP for the videogame.

Hisone to Masotan: There’s a cynical part of me that watches this show and feels like I’m watching a commercial for the JSDF. Yvan eht nioJ, come join us, we have cool dragons!!! I also don’t love the fact that the dragon turns into a plane :/ BUT the characters have a lot of heart, the dynamics so far between Hisone and Masotan and Hisone and Kanzaki have been very touching. A part of me though, wishes Hisone had stuck with Otofu because it’s such a cute name and she sounded really funny yelling “OTOFU!!!”

Safe Sequels

Although some of these sequels would go in higher categories, I was unsure about how to rank them -especially the 2-cour ones- compared to some of my top premieres of the season, so I’m just putting them all together because there are A LOT of sequels.

Yowapeda Glory Line: FINALLY SOMETHING POSITIVE HAPPENED FOR SOHOKU. I was starting to feel exhausted with all the gloominess, especially for seeing Teshima punished, HE DESERVES EVERY GOOD THING. Now we can get back on track and hopefully have a fun race without Teshima brooding all the way through the episode. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE EXCELLENT TESHIAO CONTENT

Nanatsu no Taizai: FINALLY ESCANOR SHOWED UP. It’s felt like the first half of the show dragged a lot compared to the manga, so I’m happy we’ve reached one of the coolest parts. Though if memory serves, the rest of the season will be spent floundering around, but damn, the Escanor vs Galand battle is very satisfying to watch.

Lupin III Part V: So this time around they’ve added the social media factor into Lupin’s adventures, and so far the result has been quite interesting. I don’t have a lot to say, the artstyle looks closer to classic versions of the franchise and has lost some of the edge from part IV, but the comedy and Lupin’s plans are still creative and fun to watch, even adding a unique spin to the social media component, so I’m excited to see where they take this. But we need more Fujiko yesterday pls

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu Happy Kiss: A soft reboot of this magical girl parody franchise, with frillier costumes and even more ridiculous attacks and transformations, and I’m here for it. I do wish we’d get at least some cameos from the original gang. I also feel that so far, apart from the Red guy (Kyotaro?) the others don’t seem to have much of a distinctive personality. It’s only episode three, so hopefully that’s something we’ll see developed as the show goes on.

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s the same as it’s always been, a brilliantly dry workplace comedy. If you haven’t watched the previous seasons, you’re missing out on one of the best comedies of this decade.

Boku no Hero Academia 3: After the recap first episode, the series has gone back full gear ahead into the next story arc and so far it looks pretty cool. Although I’m never a fan of “regular MC activity gets interrupted by villains”. Idk why it bothers me a lot -a prime example being the S Class exam getting cut short in Fairy Tail and the concept of S Class mages completely ditched thereon after. But anyway, I have faith in the writing that they’ll make this villain interruption cool and worth it. I do however wish they’d let us meet the Class B guys better.

Steins;Gate 0: You know, I was 100% ready to be disappointed and abandon this one right away, but damn, damn have these first two episodes been brilliant. The nuances in Okabe’s characterization, the portrayal of his grief, and his more mature attitude seem like a mirror of the watcher who has grown all the same in the seven years since the show’s original season. I’m hoping the teases about Maho as a potential love interest are a red herring, but other than that, I’m blown away by how good it has been so far. Just delete Daru please.

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card: Things have started happening! We’re starting to see that Akiho’s mysterious book is somehow having an effect over the events of Sakura’s life. The episode with the animals was particularly strong, with a new card that had a nice renovated design, and a really emotionally effective scene of Sakura and Syaoran embracing to help Sakura regain confidence to save her friends. It’s one of the strongest episodes of the series so far, so hopefully we’ll have more of those and less of the “finding a card that only minimally makes 10 cm from a bookshelf disappear” type. As a sidenote, I find Akiho’s obsession with Sakura’s play a bit offputting.

High Priority

Mahou Shojo Ore: Given how little I knew about this series going in and how excited I was about it in spite of it, I’m pleased to report the show has lived up to my expectations in one way or another. The weird comedy is on point and also everyone is fucking gay. I’m rooting for you Blue Girl! Easily the superior show with Mahou Shoujo in its title.

Hinamatsuri: You know, I didn’t have super high expectations for this one, but it’s turned out to be a very nice surprise. It has that charming paternal relationship between Nitta and Hina that is cute and hilarious. I have to say I’m not super into the classmate-forced-to-become-a-bartender storyline and I’m not sure how that even fits with the rest of the show, so I hope there won’t be a lot of vignettes about it.

Piano no Mori: Wonky CGI and occassionally questionable character design choices (Ajino was so BEAUTIFUL in his youth, why does he look so ridiculous in the present?!!!) aside, this has been one of the strongest premieres of the season. I know fans of the manga have criticized it, but as someone unfamiliar with the original, I’m definitely intrigued by this story.

BESTEST

Megalobox: This one wasn’t on my radar at all. It’s one of those numerous cases of me seeing a title that sounds stupid and deciding to ignore the show based on that alone. I’m glad I stumbled on all the praise the premiere episode received because damn is it good. The story behind the cameras is that this is a 50th anniversary project for Ashita no Joe, and it was meant to be a reboot, but the director couldn’t find a way to make it work, so he created something entirely new, and aren’t we glad about that. It has a unique retro look and although the plot beats do call back to Ashita no Joe, our Joe feels like his own person alright. I think my only nitpick is that I’m not entirely sure of what is even the point of the additional gear. Also, I know how Ashita no Joe ends and I hope this show won’t end like that too :’D

Golden Kamuy: How long has it been since the last time a multi-awarded manga not only wasn’t disappointing but ended up being one of the most promising anime adaptations of the season? Yes, everyone’s seen the ugly CGI bear, moving on, this is a captivating and unique historical show with a so far excellent portrayal of Ainu culture and a kickass lady coprotagonist.  I am really excited to see where this one will go. Also, it was really exciting to hear characters actually speaking ainu language. I’ve done some research on Ainu history (and kickass Ainu women) for school, so I’m very pumped about this one.

Otaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: By far my favorite premiere of the season. So far, two episodes in, it’s all I ever hoped it would be and more. The characters are charming, Narumi and Hirotaka’s relationship feels natural and effortless -both the romantic aspect of it, and the way they easily become comfortable with one another-. Narumi is delightful and very well-rounded, being as cheerful and optimistic as she can be cynical, and her quick-developing friendship with Hanako is so violently relatable I was screaming. I really love this show. ALSO THE OP IS SUPER CUTE

I FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS IT TOOK FOREVER BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

Readers see themselves very weak and they want to become stronger so they will be able to fight against the terrible aliens who threat the Enterprise. They ask Worf, Riker and Beverly if they can help and train them to become a real warrior. (Consider putting the music "I'll make a man out of you" from Mulan XD maybe it helps)

{ I wrote one drabble for every character.

I hope you and people will appreciate, thanks for the ask! }

⚔️ WORF ⚔️

You werethe one who admired Worf from afar, because you could not find the courage toapproach him.

Everyonewould think you were crazy if you had a crush on this Klingon, well, you werenot so crazy because you admired Worf a lot, because he was a man of honour andvalue. He could appear scary but he was a gentle warrior and he was the onlyone who could help you.

Youreyes became two hearts every time you looked at him and you desired to know himbetter even if it was impossible because Worf was so cold, serious and distant.No way could a warrior like Worf be interested in a weak human like you butthere would be a way!

Maybethere was a way to approach him and you had an idea.

You knewWorf was a true warrior and so this could be a good excuse to approach him.

Maybe ifyou became a strong warrior like him he could notice you and love you. It was agood idea and you were super determined to achieve your aim.

“Ensign,(Y/N), you want me to teach you the art of the Klingon’s fight?” he asked youconfused since he did not think you were the kind of person who fought, becausehe always saw you so calm and pacifist.

“Yes,Mr. Worf, I want to become stronger, it’s very important for me and you are thestrongest warrior here, I can learn a lot from you, Sir.” You said with proudand determination.

“Ok, wecan start our training tomorrow.” He appreciated your willpower but you shouldknow, he was a severe coach and he took the art of fighting very seriously.

Then hetold you the hour and the place of the training, you would love if it was areal date but you could not fly too high, but it was better than nothing, youcould still spend some time with your favourite Klingon.

You werenot a real fighter and Worf realized it but you were not even so weak, youcould learn and he was not about to give up. His honour did not allow him togive up and so he put all his effort to train you.

His trainingwas hard and so any times you wanted to be the one to give up but you could notdisappoint him, Worf believed in you and you wanted him to be proud of you.

Youreyes shined like two fire while you were preparing your attack, he has neverseen you so concentrated and motivated.

“Sir? IfI win, could I ask you something?” you said with a cold tone of voice.

“Yes,what do you want to know?” He looked at you with a perplexed look.

“I haveto win first!” and you wanted to earn your prize and you were too embarrassed toask to him this thing and so if you would not win, your honour would be safe.

The twoof you started fighting and you really put all your heart and energy to winsince you never won against him but you observed Worf so much to learn all hismoves (yes, you also observed him because you liked him) but now was differentand you could not fail or act like a child.

After along battle, you found the right moment to attack him and knock him out. Youwon this fight, you started jumping, and screaming like crazy, Worf was perplexedbut could understand your euphoria, you were so exuberant

“Congratulations,ensign Y/N, you improved a lot these last weeks, I’m impressed.” he said with aproud voice, he found you a great student, after all.

“Oh,thank you so much, Mr. Worf, you’re a great teacher, you’ve got a lot ofpatience with me…” you said, scratching your head.

“So whatdid you need to tell me?” he asked you with his usual serious tone of voice andthen you freeze because it was time to confess your hidden desire.

“Well,Mr. Worf… I, I just wanted to ask you if you’d like to have dinner with me thisevening…” you said and you felt like an idiot and even Worf was leftspeechless.

“Dinner?”he repeated.

“Yes, Imean, I want to thank you for everything… “ and then you wanted just spend amore romantic time with him.

Worfnodded, he found it great and then he thought that fighting was very intimate,so he could say he would be glad having dinner with you.

.

🎷 WILLIAMRIKER 🎷

You didnot consider yourself as the strongest or bravest official of the Enterprise.

Maybeyou were a little shy and you self-conscious, so you often asked yourself ifyou were truly worthy of this job since you were not that powerful or heroiclike all the other officers you met.

Sometimes,you were called to take part of some missions and you did your job well, nobodynever complained about your work but you knew you could do more than this, itwas not enough and you wanted to be noticed, to leave a trace of yourself inthis big world. Maybe it was hard or unfair, but you needed to take a chanceand try something new, to feel the adrenaline under your veins.

Ithappened during that mission, it was a normal reconnaissance mission but itbecame more dangerous than this, you felt so weak and harmless. In that moment,when that alien attacked you, you were unable to defend yourself and youblocked, you stopped breathing as if your body freeze.

Luckily,there was the commander Riker to help you, he fought against that monster andsave you. Even when the two of you were teleported on the Enterprise, you wereshocked, he was truly worried because you did not answer at his questions andso they brought you to Beverly and she said that you were only scared, youblocked because of the anxious you felt.

When youfelt better, you just felt so worried and ashamed, you acted like a child, soyou wanted to vanish inside a black hole.

TheDoctor said you could take a day off so you could rest, she already talked withRiker and he had no problem if you needed to rest but you were the one who hada problem because you did not want to take a day off and you wanted to apologywith the Commander because you caused him trouble.

“Iwanted to apology for my behaviour, I didn’t help during the mission, I wascompletely unable to react and so you risked to be injured because of me, I’m sorry,Sir.” You said to Riker even if he was not angry or disappointed.

“Oh,ensign, Y/N, you don’t need to apologise, it’s not your fault, it was unexpected,just don’t feel guilty, ok? You did your job well.” He said, nodding, smilingfriendly and you did not deserve his kindness and good words, you thought.

Ofcourse, you were glad he was not mad but you had to improve and get rid of thisfear that blocked you.

“You arevery gentle, Sir. I hope I’ll do better next time. I should not feel so scared,sometimes I feel so weak.” You confessed, sighting.

“Uhm…You can still learn, why don’t you come to Worf’s Mok'bara lesson, I guess, you’llfind it very interesting and maybe you’ll relax a little.” He suggested,smiling politely.

“Oh,yes, I can try…” you said and then he left, you came back to your quarters torest, talking with Riker made you feel better and you hoped you could talk tohim again. Maybe you would meet him in those Mok'bara lessons.

The Mok'baralesson was not bad, a little hard but it was interesting, something you neverdid before and maybe it could help you to become stronger. There you saw Rikerand he was glad you accepted your advice; he greeted you with one of hisfriendly smiles.

“Youdecided to take a look at it, good.” He said, the lesson was over and everyonewas coming back to their quarters.

“Yes, it’sbeen very intense, it’s really hard… But interesting.” You said, hoping not toseem weird.

“Ah, itwas your first time, you’ll certainly improve.” He encouraged you.

“I hope,I truly need to become stronger, maybe learning a form of fight could help butI should do more than that.” You said, sighing.

“You’reso impatient, aren’t you? We can train together sometimes, what do you think?”he smiled wider and you just could not say no to him.

“I don’twant to disturb you, sir.” You said.

“Ah,anything of that and don’t call me sir in these circumstances, and I also needto improve, I’m still unable to beat Worf, so we both should do more than that.”He laughed, winking at you.

“Thankyou!” you said, you contained the joy because you did not want to appear like achild but you were truly happy you could spend some time with him even if itwas for training it was still great.

.

💉 BEVERLYCRUSHER 💉

You andBeverly were great friends and you two spent a lot of time together.

Youestimated her so much because she was such a strong and smart woman, she wasyour role model. Working with her was the grandest thing that could happen toyou, since you worked as a nurse in her infirmary and so you spent every daytogether, she was your boss but she treated you as her friend.

Yourwork was not very adventurous and so you did not live the adventures everybodyhere lived but you liked when she told you about them, you always listened toBeverly’s stories with curiosity and interest and you hoped you could live oneof those adventures with her someday.

You alsoknew that she, other than being the Doctor of the Enterprise, did so many otherthings, she was a great dancer and actress, she fought very well, you were soimpressed by all her talents.

She wasa super woman and you wanted to ask her if she could help you to become asstrong as her.

“I’d behonour if you could teach me some of your fighting techniques, I know you’vetrained with Worf, you are very skilled and I think I could learn a lot fromyou, Doctor.” You confessed to her filled with enthusiasm.

Shelaughed softly at your request, saying, “Why don’t you ask to Worf, he’s moreskilled than me.”, Beverly was honoured but she still was not so confident abouther fighting abilities.

“No, Idon’t want, I mean, I know he’s an expert but I don’t feel so comfortable withhim… he is too…Serious…” you said, hoping not to sound offensive but the Doctorsmiled.

“Yes,Worf is very austere. Maybe we can train together, why not.” She said, smiling.

“Oh,great. It’ll be fun… Thank you, Beverly… Hum… Doctor Crusher.” You said,sometimes you called her using her name since you considered her as yourfriend, she did not mind but you wanted to be professional, a little awkwardbut still professional.

Maybe ifyou became stronger, you could accompany Beverly to some mission and it wasuseful, anyway.

You andshe decided the day and the hour of your training and you could not wait tothis day to come.

Beverlywas a great teacher, she was so calm and patient, but she was so strong, shewas able to beat you even with her eyes closed but you had no experience.

“You’revery modest, you’re a true Klingon fighter, Beverly.” You complimented to her.

“I’m learningfor a long time, but I’m nothing compared to a true Klingon fighter, I can’tbeat Worf.” She said, preparing for attacking you and you parried her kick.

“Worfseems unbeatable but I’m sure, you’ll beat him one day.” You encouragedBeverly.

“You’reso kind, but you shouldn’t be kind with your adversary.” She said, smirking andthen she beat you again.

You lostyour concentration the moment she spoke, maybe you had to be less talkative andmore concentrated to the match but there were so many other matches to fightand you would win at least one of them.

Thanksto these lessons, you and Beverly became more friends than before and you wereglad of it, she was glad, too.

Sometimes,you even invited to have dinner with you and she invited you to have breakfastin her quarters because before a good training you needed to eat well. Sheacted like a mom with you sometimes but you liked being her spoiled child.

[skruffie]

been talking with friends about how I’ve been feeling creatively blocked. Like. My emotional attachment to art and drawing has been absent for a few months, which is very weird. There’s been times way in the past where I’ve wanted to stop drawing, usually as a result of some sort of RSD-related issues but here it’s just been... nothing? I get thoughts like “Huh, I should draw something” and literally I should because I’m still in the comics workshop and our final assignment is underway, but then I just don’t.

I just paused in writing this to google “workplace trauma” because I was reading about it a while back, and I want to preface something also: I don’t have trauma the same way I did through 2011-2014 but my last job left me feeling quite dented. The other night when talking about my workplace I felt emotionally fine but I had a physiological reaction to talking about it and had trauma shakes again. Fucking super.

I just came across this article because part of me is like “literally nothing happened at that job to me that even matches the actual real trauma that I’ve been through” but then lmao WHOOPS!

“Trauma can come from a single catastrophic event, such as violence in the workplace, or a series of less dramatic stressors which, through their cumulative effect, create debilitating psychological and physical changes. Cumulative Emotional Trauma is created by the combined effects of stressors such as demeaning work conditions, worker/job mismatch, prejudice, unclear job expectations, impossible workloads, abusive treatment by peers or superiors, emotionally draining interactions with difficult people, and job insecurity. Although not as cataclysmic as a major violent episode in the workplace or a natural disaster, these factors chisel away at a worker’s sense of security, value and well-being.“

I’m not quite sure how to define “demeaning work conditions” considering compared to the field office I had quite a cushy location before COVID but the fact that pre-COVID I had no other choice but to commute to Seattle instead of the office 2 miles from my house, thus putting me out of the house for a minimum of 12 hours a day while also doing school (that I paid for out of pocket!) felt like it crossed a boundary I didn’t even know I had. I’m never doing that for another job ever again. 

Worker/job mismatch: ADHD aside, I literally even told the management “I’m not interested in finance” when they were asking me to be a fiduciary and the thing I really carried over from learning about accounting is how deeply I can loathe capitalism. 

Prejudice (combined with abusive treatment by superiors): Talking about my productivity issues in the reasonable accommodation meeting due to ADHD with the comptroller in the meeting and then having the comptroller be the signatory on the letter extending my probation another 6 months AFTER THE MEETING citing “productivity issues” LIKE COME ON. The EEOC even says that management needs to watch out for timing so they don’t end up smack dab in the middle of a fucking lawsuit over disability discrimination! My supervisor’s boss verbally reassured me it was just a coincidence, but what I had in writing tells a different story altogether. I think I was retaliated against.

Emotionally draining interactions with difficult people: I worked in child welfare. Times when I talked to foster parents or even biological families could be very hit or miss. Hell, even sometimes social workers were draining to talk to. I had one who didn’t know how to open a PDF, I had several that would describe the case history in detail when I was calling about an unrelated question, like UUUUUGGGHHHHH

Now, because I’ve been in EMDR and know a bit more about psychological trauma than probably the average individual I know that what I’m going through is not fully PTSD. I’m probably gonna throw it in my ptsd tag just for collecting trauma info. I think really what is going on is that I have some traumatic stress from the job. It’s not just burnout. The physical trauma shaking really is what got my attention, and then I remember how in the thick of it I was having a crying breakdown nearly every single week, and now currently this inability to connect with drawing.

Avoidance symptoms!

Sometimes if I’m in the grocery store looking to grab a quick microwave meal I will fully, utterly avoid the stuff I used to typically eat. I have barely listened to any of the music I used to play on repeat while working. And drawing, my tool for emotional processing and journaling my life in a way... becoming weirdly detached. Combine this with the global pandemic trauma, the plummeting morale--OH, I FORGOT ABOUT THIS

I believe it was summer or early fall 2021 when I was noticing that a lot of my usual social worker associates that I emailed and talked to directly were quitting in droves. The organization charts for the department are not really updated frequently, but the ones from the office I did the money stuff for was updated practically every week. This was before the vaccine requirements were instated too. Literally, I would email a social worker and wait a couple days and try again and see an outgoing message saying “I’m no longer with the department” out of fucking nowhere. Being asked “Hey why is this thing not getting done” and then telling my boss “well you see a lot of the social workers are straight-up quitting on short notice” was a weird conversation.

[thelonelyrainbowguy]

My ASD Testing Experience

I promised that I would write up a post about my autism testing, so here goes. (And yes, I am SO counting this toward NaNoWriMo!)

When I arrived at the practice, the psychiatrist who I’d seen for my initial intake appointment took me back to her office and told me to pull a chair up to the desk.

The first task she had me do, after attempting to make small talk with me (which I am TERRIBLE at and crashed and burned, lol), was to arrange foam puzzle pieces to fit a pre-drawn puzzle. She gave me three pieces (it clearly called for like 9) and I placed them, then expected her to hand me more, but she didn’t until I asked her for them. I guess that kind of confused me. I saw notes in her file for me that mentioned a “confused expression”, and I think it was in reference to that.

Afterward, she took out a book and informed me that it had no words, that we were going to make up the story. I’m a good writer, but making up stories on the spot and telling them aloud is incredibly difficult for me.

The book was about these frogs whose lilypads suddenly started floating, and pretty soon these freaking frogs were zooming all over creation. Instead of telling a story like a story, I just pointed out things that I saw. “Those fish are like WHAT THE HECK and that turtle looks pretty pissed, and the frogs are still flying.” Yeah, it was a weird story.

Then she brought out a bag of very random objects, and informed me that we were each going to pick five of them and use them to tell a story, which was even more foreboding than the idea of turning the story of the wordless picture book into English.

She went first, with a sponge, a cocktail umbrella, a feather, a shoelace, and... I forget what else. Her story was about Mama Umbrella, her kid Spongebob, and Baby Feather. They went to the beach, and the mama told SpongeBob to watch Baby Feather. But he was annoyed with watching her and went off and did his own thing. Then Baby Feather crawled into the ocean and SpongeBob threw a rope (shoelace) in to save her. Mama Umbrella was really mad but she was glad her baby was okay.

I had no idea what to do so I stared at the items in the bag for a good while, until a morbid story came into my head and it was the only thing that I could think of. I used the car, a paper circle, the feather, a wooden block, and a toy dollhouse candle.

“Okay,” I said, “so there's people driving down the road in this car, and then the wife goes “I think I’m gonna light your birthday candles on the cake now, because that sounds like a great idea,” so she did, and then a bird (represented by the feather) distracted the driver and made him run over a pothole (the paper circle) and slam into a wall (the wooden block).” Cue lots of spitty explosion noises (jk I just said they exploded). So yeah, I’m sure that heightened her image of me a good bit. XD

We talked then about the trouble I’m having at work, how I keep getting told off for not being empathetic when truly, I am (usually- I mean there are LOTS of people I deal with who are just plain annoying/dumb). My tone does not sound kind enough, even though I’ve been trying.

She asked me about my dating life and I updated her on the nonexistence of any type of relationship prospects and how the last girl I dated ghosted me (she hasn’t texted me since November 1, if anyone's wondering).

She asked me what a friend was, and then she asked me what the difference was between a friend, and a co-worker. Well, that was tough. I told her I guessed co-workers I thought were my friends were just my favorite coworkers, because I never saw them outside of work?

She then asked me how emotions felt, and how I knew I was happy, or angry, or anxious, or sad, and made me explain examples of times when I had felt these things, and asked whether I thought other people felt the same things. She asked me if I had ever been picked on or bullied, and sadly, I had to tell her that my family were my worst bullies growing up. I told her how there were certain noises my siblings would make that really bothered and hurt me, and how they’d deliberately make those noises over and over just to watch me and laugh as I’d get tenser and tenser and finally run from the room, usually crying, to have a meltdown in my bedroom.

After all this, she was done with me, and I went back to the waiting room to wait for the IQ test guy. I’d never met him before, so it was hard to look at his face, but I don’t think he ever smiled. And when I’d try to make a joke he’d just stare at me in this analyzing way. I didn’t like him.

His office was tiny and plain and felt dingy, and he had some sort of white noise sound machine going, which bothered me but I couldn’t figure out how to say so. He said he hoped it didn’t bother me, but in a way that made me feel like it would be a huge inconvenience if I told him that it did.

The first thing he had me do was to take these blocks that had two red sides and two white sides, and the remaining two sides were divided into half red and half white, split into triangles. First he gave me four and showed me a pattern, and I had to recreate that pattern. I guess he thought I was capable after that because he gave me the rest of the nine total blocks and show me more and more complicated patterns that I had to recreate. I’m ashamed to say that there was one I almost didn’t get, because I legitimately forgot that I could turn the cubes. I was looking at them and thinking that they were all half red and half white, but I needed solid red and solid white. I told him I couldn’t do it, that it was actually impossible. I thought it was a trick. He asked if I wanted to skip it, but at the last second I remembered, oh, these things have different sides. :P so obviously I recreated it pretty quickly from there.

After that exercise, he asked me some math word problem questions, which I had to figure out in my head, without paper and pencil. At first they were easy, but then the questions got into asking basically what 15 percent of 60 is, and I almost said it was 15, but caught myself and guessed 10 (probably still wrong; I don’t even know how to do that with a calculator).

Then he had me repeat sequences of numbers. It started out simple: 2, 4. He gradually added one number art a time until he reached... I think the highest any of these went was 8 numbers. 5, 9, 2, 4, 3, 2, 6, 1. I’d repeat the numbers in order. After that, he had me repeat his sequences backward- so 3, 7, 8, 5 would be 5, 8, 7, 3. This was more difficult, especially when he got up to the 8- digit ones. And finally, he made me put the number sequences in order, but there were often multiples of the same number, which was Super Confusing. It wasn’t too hard up until the 7 or 8 digit ones, but then it started getting really impossible to remember all of the numbers: 4, 7, 9, 2, 6, 2, 7, 8 for example. I’m pretty sure I only said 7 digits for at least one 8 digit one, and I had to start over on several of them.

Finally, we were done with that awful task, and we moved on to the fresh hell of a book of shapes. The top half of the paper showed a shape, and the bottom half had 6 different shapes that I had to put together to make the top shape. The catch was, it always had to be 3 of the shapes- i couldn’t pick 2 that also made the same shape. It had to be 3, and they could never overlap. At first it was pretty easy- a square, a house shape, etc. Then they got more complicated - like one had a blue octagon inside a yellow triangle inside a red square. And they got more complicated from there on out, in the ways the shapes were divided. For example, there was an oval and the pieces were cut in such a way that the middle piece resembled a butt with crooked arms. And in many of the advanced ones, all or many of the options were similar, so you really had to be able to pay attention and visualize it, which was difficult, especially after my brain was wasted from all the other stuff.

At last, we finished that, and he gave me a self- assessment test for autism. The possible answers were 1 (Never True), 2 (Sometimes True), 3 (Often True), and 4 (Almost Always True). It was one of those fill- in- the- dot things. The questions were things such as I feel most comfortable when I am alone, I behave in ways that seem strange or bizarre to others, I get upset when there are a lot of things going on, When stressed I show rigid and inflexible patterns of behavior, I have good personal hygiene, I think of other people the same way that I think of objects, I am extremely sensitive to certain sounds, textures, or smells, I have a narrow range of interests, I talk or think about the same thing over and over.

When I finished that, we were done and I got to go home. I have a feedback session scheduled for the 11th, where I’ll actually get my diagnosis.

Overall, the experience was weird and tiring. I felt analyzed, which was obviously what was happening, and it made me kind of squirmy. And I felt patronized, which was just plain annoying. I went along with everything though, and I think I proved my autism, so now I’m just waiting on my official diagnosis so I can tell the world and actually have it as a reason why I can’t do or handle certain things (not an excuse; that is a different thing altogether, just saying).

Anyway, I’m sorry this was so long. If you made it to the end, here, have a virtual... I don’t know, brownie, cookie, hug, pickle, whatever you’d like to have a virtual version of. XD

If you have any questions about any part of the process, please feel free to ask me! ❤️

[kvhottie]

Hiked Skirt, Smudged Lipstick

For: @kkumri​

Pairings: KageHina

Rating: M

Summary: Oikawa’s Halloween party is coming up and Hinata dared Kageyama to dress up as Goth. Kageyama agreed as long as Hinata came in the girl’s cheer uniform. Both of them were sure the other would look stupid, but it was quite the opposite: they both look very hot and need to go deal with it in a utility closet.

I have joined @myrseyy​ ‘s Goth Kageyama revolution XD Inspired by this art of yours Ally! 

Read on Ao3

It was just meant to be a stupid Halloween dare.   A good laugh, something to rub in each other’s faces because Hinata and Kageyama were stubborn and found it easier and easier to rile each other up after five months of dating. Because it was equally “you’re cute, stupid” and “only if you kiss me”, but also “I bet you I will” or “I’ll prove you wrong”. Because even though Hinata looked delectable in every tight shirt and booty short he used for cheer practice, there was no way he’d actually look good in the girl’s cheer uniform, right?   Fucking wrong.

Here was Hinata looking down at him, blocking the dim light with his perfect head of orange, and wind-reddened cheeks, and tight cheer shirt that barely reached his abs, and that skirt that tapered dangerously across his smooth thighs, and those thigh-highs that squeezed just a bit…Kageyama spilled his drink all over his hand and leg. He ripped his stare from his boyfriend and swiped at the liquid quickly seeping into his black jeans.   He doesn’t look stupid at all! Why the hell am I turned on?!

 He needed to breathe. The room was feeling 100 degrees hotter all of a sudden.   “I think you got it all,” Hinata pointed out with a giggle. He caught Kageyama’s eyes as Kageyama slowly raised them again and didn’t let go, a grin playing out on Hinata’s face. He lifted his arms, pom-poms at hand, and the cut of the uniform accentuated every lean muscle on his athletic body. He twisted right and left, his skirt swinging with him. “Does it look good?”   Hinata knew he looked good. His proud expression said it all; he just wanted to yank the praise out of Kageyama. “Was me spilling my drink all over myself when I saw you not enough proof for you,” Kageyama replied, trying his best to nonchalantly sip on his drink. “Stop being greedy.” “No,” Hinata replied as he sat next to Kageyama on the couch and dangled his legs over Kageyama’s rum and coke dampened one. He fiddled with Kageyama’s spiked leather choker, running his index finger up to Kageyama’s lips. They were perfectly lined and filled with black lipstick. “You know I barely caught you spilling your drink on yourself because I was too busy staring at your face. Were you Goth sometime in your life?”   Kageyama almost spit out his drink. “Of course not, dumbass.”   Hinata trailed his fingers to Kageyama’s cheekbones as he admired the artistry of his smoky eye makeup and impeccable eyeliner. “It really suits you. You didn’t do this yourself, right? Who helped you?”   “Yamaguchi. I asked him to do my make up because he’s good at this kind of stuff.” Kageyama eyed Hinata with a bit of suspicion, “You and everyone else keep staring at me like I’m a freaking alien. If it looks weird it’s because that was the point, remember? We were supposed to look stupid but obviously I picked the wrong thing for you.”   “No, no, dummy.” Hinata fiddled with Kageyama’s fake cartilage piercings and leaned in to murmur, “You look super hot.”   The tickle of Hinata’s breath on his ear sent a shiver down Kageyama’s neck. He gripped his cup so hard the plastic crinkled and he quickly pressed it against his lips once more, finishing off the drink with a gulp. Hinata placed a finger on the rim of Kageyama’s cup and circled it, picking up some of the black lipstick left behind. He rubbed that finger across his bottom lip with a mischievous grin.   “How does your lipstick look on me?”   There was a very thin strand of sanity holding Kageyama back from jumping Hinata in front of half their university that was attending the party, and Hinata was purposefully trying to break it by egging him on.   “Stop that,” Kageyama groaned. “What do you want?”   Hinata hummed, hid his pom-poms behind the couch, and stood up, tugging at Kageyama’s hand. “Let’s go upstairs.”   It was always too easy to follow Hinata. Both the first time they danced their way through this crowd, and even more so this time with how tight Hinata’s hand hugged Kageyama’s and the taste of anticipation lingered in the warm space between them. Hinata led them up the stairs where they had kissed (and had been interrupted) for the first time, up another flight, and into a tight but workable utility closet.   “How do you even know about this place?” Kageyama asked as he closed and locked the door behind him. He searched the wall next to the door for a light and flipped the switch to make the room only marginally brighter. “From the last time I helped Oikawa-senpai set up for his house party.” Hinata pressed his back against the left wall and hooked his fingers into Kageyama’s belt loops, pulling him closer. “Hurry up, dummy.”   Kageyama rested his left forearm on the wall by Hinata’s head and slotted his leg in between Hinata’s. Hinata hooped his arms around Kageyama’s neck and pulled him down, hungrily craning his neck so their lips could finally meet. Their lips glided, wet and impatient, mouths opening, closing, and heads tilting in fervent rhythm. Hinata dipped his tongue into Kageyama’s mouth and was met with immense warmth, their tongues sliding and flicking against each other. At first the kiss tasted waxy from the black lipstick they were smearing all over each other, but it soon turned sweet and familiar.   Kageyama snaked his right hand to the dip of Hinata’s back and pulled him even closer, a muffled moan escaping Hinata from the friction introduced between their groins. He slid his hand underneath Hinata’s skirt to caress every inch of smooth thigh he could reach. Hinata rubbed himself against Kageyama, his whimpers frequent and escaping their kisses. He reached down to palm at Kageyama’s erection through his jeans, and then unzipped him, slowly stroking Kageyama’s dick. Kageyama returned the attention, eagerly pulling down the spandex Hinata was wearing under the skirt and teasing Hinata’s tip.   Hinata wanted more but being on his toes made it hard to get full contact, so he pulled himself up, hooking one leg around Kageyama’s hips, and then the other once Kageyama wrapped his arms tightly around his waist for support. Kageyama pressed his dick against Hinata’s and slowly rocked forward. Hinata’s whole body trembled and he squeezed his arms and legs tighter around Kageyama, lips pressed to Kageyama’s ear. Kageyama rocked forward once more and just the sounds Hinata produced could have made him come right there.   “Hinata, “ Kageyama huffed and squeezed his arms around Hinata’s waist, “I’ll hold you tight, so take your hands and wrap it around our dicks.”   Hinata nodded and followed Kageyama’s instructions, small, shaking hands encircling them. Kageyama then thrust into Hinata’s grip, drawing a loud moan from Hinata that reverberated in the sticky air around them.   “F-Feels so good,” Hinata whimpered, tongue tracing Kageyama’s earlobe and fake earrings.   Kageyama bucked his hips in agreement, breath heavy and panting. He set a fast rhythm, since they were both impatient and needing of climax, and fucking in a utility closet during a Halloween party of Oikawa Tooru was the last place he wanted to get caught if he planned to have any semblance of peace until graduation. Hinata pressed his lips against Kageyama’s again in a sad attempt at muffling his insistently loud and irresistible mewls, and tightened his grip around them as they neared the end. Kageyama came first with a low grunt, and Hinata followed soon after, body tensing in Kageyama’s embrace with a strained gasp.   They slid down to the floor and stayed still until the haze left their system. Soon enough, Hinata sat up and stared at Kageyama with an easy, satisfied smile. He then sighed blissfully and pointed at the shelves behind Kageyama.   “I see a pack of napkins. We should clean ourselves up.”   Kageyama untangled himself from Hinata and retrieved the pack. “Here you go.”   “Thanks.” Hinata wiped his hands, groin, and lower abs. The skirt had gotten a bit dirty but only in the inside layer, so nobody would notice. But they couldn’t say the same thing about Kageyama’s black lipstick.   “You have my lipstick all over your lips and chin.”   Hinata laughed and tried to wipe his chin with the napkin. “You also look a mess. Did this help?”   Kageyama shook his head and grinned. “Barely. We can try to sneak to the bathroom and wash it off.”   “Oh, good plan!” Hinata extended his hand so Kageyama could pull him up. “But maybe you shouldn’t fix yours.”   “Huh? Why?” Kageyama opened the door and Hinata followed close behind, wrapping his arms around Kageyama’s waist.   “Well, the first thought I had when I saw your lipstick is how sexy it’d look if it was smeared.”   “Of course that would be your first thought, “ Kageyama scoffed. “And now you saw it, so I can take it off.”   “No! At least let me take a picture of it,” Hinata whined and stopped walking, making it impossible for Kageyama to continue forward.   Kageyama pulled Hinata’s arms off of him and turned around while grumbling, “Why do you need a picture? Yamaguchi gave me this lipstick.”   “Because—“ Hinata’s eyes lit up and his lips curled into a wide smile, “Oh.”   And with that Hinata quietly let himself be pulled towards the bathroom, his mind already thinking up the next use they would have for the alluring black lipstick.

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press: The Secret to Elizabeth’s Super Low-Key, Totally Normal, Really Actually Enviable Success

VANITY FAIR – She’s an Avengers regular and grew up with some very famous siblings, but Olsen has managed to carve out a steady, laid-back niche for herself in Hollywood. After some career choices she now wishes she maybe had played slightly differently, Olsen is back with two very different films and enjoying “nothing being too precious.”

    Every time I wear these jeans I forget to ask for a black napkin,” Elizabeth Olsen laments, realizing white fuzz remnants have attached themselves to her black jeans. The actress drove herself to our lunch at a trendy Los Angeles eatery. She’s wearing a very low-key black long-sleeved shirt with the very low-key black pants, and she isn’t wearing any makeup. No one in the crowded patio area, a few days before the Fourth of July, seems to notice her, even though we are seated facing inward, our faces on full display for fellow lunch diners.

  Olsen is an actress in one of the most successful film franchises of the decade and she bears a noticeable resemblance to her very high-profile, extremely successful fashion-designer older sisters: so it’s perhaps a bit surprising just how much she flies under the radar.

  “[Sometimes] people are like, ‘Have we met before? You look familiar. You’re an actress? What have you been in?’” Olsen explains. “And then you have to start listing your credits, and you’re like, ‘Maybe the Avenger movies?’ ‘No, I’ve never seen a superhero movie.’ [Avengers] is what I always go to . . . I don’t look really like that person in the movie.”

  She is inquisitive in a way that actors are not always. She looks up at me after digging in to our burratta appetizer, which I haven’t touched: “This is so good! Are you lactose intolerant?!” When I explain during a digression about live music that I’m always worried I’m blocking people’s views at concerts, she interjects, “By the way, I bet you are!”

  The night before, Olsen threw a low-key (everything is so low-key!!) surprise party for her hairstylist and long-time best friend, Clay, at her place near Laurel Canyon. “I got a group together and cooked, and we all ate outside and stayed outside the whole time on the patio and the deck.” This might be hard to believe (though it probably won’t be), but she tells me that before a photo shoot the day before she was walking down a trail by her house and “just picked these weird brush from the ground.” She explains, “I made a little flower arrangement. Just starting your day [like that] is so nice.” During a discussion about film release dates, she takes stock of her chipped nail polish, which had been applied for the photo shoot the day before. “I don’t know why they ever do my nails. This is fresh nail polish, chipped and bent. I need to just take it off. I never wear it, and I wash my dishes too much to have nail polish on.”

  This seems like the dream, doesn’t it? To be a very successful actress and yet to still be able to eat out relatively unnoticed and pick weird brush from the ground when you feel like it and to not at all have the vibe of “that person in the movie.”

  It is likely for some of these very reasons that Olsen was the first choice for the team behind Ingrid Goes West, which premiered at Sundance earlier this year and hits theaters on August 11, to play the integral character of Taylor. The sizzling, clever film stars Aubrey Plaza as the slightly unhinged Ingrid, who moves across the country after a breakdown, obsessed with a woman she comes across on Instagram. Taylor’s life seems impossibly whimsical and gorgeous and idyllic. “Taylor, for me, was everything,” Plaza, who also served as a producer on the film, tells me on the phone. “That part needed to be someone that was truly obsession-worthy. We had a very tiny, short dream list of women that we wanted for that part, and Elizabeth was at the very top of that list.“

  As it turns out, Olsen also has another high-profile film out this month, as she stars in the dark, intense Wind River, opposite her Avengers co-star Jeremy Renner. (She filmed Wind River before she shot Ingrid Goes West last summer.)

  Though it could be argued she was extremely well-positioned for a career in the arts, Olsen is very deliberate in pointing out that she put in the work to achieve acting success. She didn’t get into first-choice Brown University, so she attended New York University. She auditioned for roles throughout college (also completing a semester abroad in Russia, where she studied theater). “The first job I didn’t get that I really wanted” was Shakespeare in the Park, she says; but because she did not book it (after going through four rounds of auditions), she was able to take a part in the indie film Martha Marcy May Marlene in 2011. That role—as a woman who escapes from a cult—earned Olsen many film critics awards, and it set her career in motion.

  That the film launched her on the trajectory it did came as something of a surprise to Olsen herself. “I didn’t understand independent film. I didn’t follow it. I just assumed independent movies were . . . when I was at Blockbuster and saw a movie that I was like, ‘Oh, I didn’t know Maggie Gyllenhaal did this movie, I’m going to pick it up,’ that’s how I watched them.” She says that everyone told her at Sundance after the film’s premiere that her life was going to change, but she didn’t believe it. “I was like, ‘Doubt it, but cool. You guys are all living in a bubble.’ I thought everyone was living in a snow globe, and it was a weird thing where everyone thought it was so important what was going on [at Sundance] and I was like, ‘They’re movies.’”

    But as it ended up playing out, it was the sort of moment an actress dreams and dreams and dreams will come to fruition. You’ve been on the audition grind in New York for years, and now you’ve got your breakout indie-film role and you’re at awards shows and on red carpets and appearing on magazine covers. You open your front door to find towers of scripts piled on top of each other.

  When Olsen talks about those first few post-Martha years, though, it is clear that she perhaps wishes she had made some different choices (her subsequent films included the Josh Radnor indie Liberal Arts, the poorly reviewed Very Good Girls opposite Dakota Fanning; and a Godzilla remake). “I think the thing that I wished was that I had maybe, I mean I don’t wish anything was different . . . But what I would have told myself then was to be patient in choosing the next jobs and to believe the noise a bit and to know that this is a hard place to get to. It just kind of happened quickly. I had to learn how to make work choices; I had to learn how to pick jobs differently. I went through a few years of kind of just doing things because I was so lucky and happy to be offered opportunities. I just was so happy that people wanted to hire me and so I just kind of did things that, in hindsight, I could’ve made smarter choices that could’ve led to a different place.” She continues, “I learned in time and that’s good, [I] eventually figured it out, but there were certain opportunities that I think I could have waited around for, to work with certain directors and be a little bit more niche.” She snaps back to the present, and to the two films we’re discussing: “But I love where I am now and I love these projects that are coming out, and I feel like I’m starting to get into what I really want to be. . . . I’m right now having so much fun with nothing being too precious and having the ability to make smart decisions.”

  After the success of Martha, she says, “I kept thinking, ‘I’m not overwhelmed’—but I was. Looking back, I didn’t know what was going on.”

  Olsen was not an Instagram user when she took the part in Ingrid Goes West, but she says she immediately had a sense of who Taylor was, the sort of woman other women (and men) couldn’t help but stalk obsessively on the platform, wanting to be her and also semi-hating themselves for wanting to be her.

  Plaza describes her first meeting with Olsen for the project. “[The director] Matt Spicer and I went to her house and met her there. And she has homemade guacamole set out in a beautiful bowl. It was like a scene from the movie. She has exquisite taste. And she is just one of those women that just kind of does it all and looks great while she’s doing it.”

  The film helped Olsen to understand social media a little better, and she now has an account for herself, outfitted with “official” in her handle and all. “I don’t want to create more attention on myself,” she says. “I know that [being on social media] might help with maybe getting some sort of [brand] campaign or something, but primarily, I care about my work, which is being a actor, not a brand and not that I eventually start selling something.”

  When I ask if she’s concerned at all about distracting from her on-screen acting work with her social-media presence, she says she has changed her thinking on that topic slightly. “I think I used to say that—I want people to just see me as my character for whatever they’re watching—but I think at the same time, you can reach a certain amount of success, the way Jennifer Lawrence did, where you’re watching her and you can make the decision about whether or not you’re distracted because you know Jennifer Lawrence or Anne Hathaway or someone who’s super-famous . . . or their acting is that great that it transports you. I don’t think you can control that.” She adds, “I definitely, consciously don’t go to events I don’t really need to be at, and I don’t go to things that don’t make sense for me to be photographed at because, one, I don’t like being photographed; two, I don’t like going to those events unless I have a purpose to be there.”

  Olsen is not a fan of paparazzi, no surprise. “I’ve never enjoyed, obviously, having a paparazzi pop out of a car or a bush. It feels like someone is trying to hurt you.” And she does not seem thrilled with questions about Mary-Kate and Ashley, either. It’s not until lunch is nearly over, as we’re about to get up from the table, that she references the twins directly. She says the question she is most sick of being asked by interviewers is what her childhood was like. “Probably less weird than yours!” she says with a laugh, mimicking her go-to response. “They were always working. It wasn’t like they weren’t working and then they were,” she explains. And that’s true: for as long as she’s been alive, Mary-Kate and Ashley have been Mary-Kate and Ashley. It’s, as a melodramatic narrator in a film might say, the only life she knows. She concludes, as we stand up: “Also, I’ve been doing this for five or six years now—are we really still talking about [my sisters]?”

  When I ask if she has a “Taylor” in her own life, someone she’s always looked up to in an aspirational sense, she brings up another set of sisters entirely, the Haims, with whom she grew up, and who now form the eponymous, critically-adored pop-rock trio. “There were always the cooler kids, the ones who were just cool, who wore bright-colored hats and lived in do-it-yourself homes or D.J.’d. They found the coolest things at a thrift shop. The Haim sisters, I knew them growing up, and I was always like, Danielle has the coolest style. . . . I would see them—this was obviously before they were successful—I just remember seeing [Danielle] in high school and being like, that’s a really cool jacket, a really cool vintage piece. Those were the people I looked up to.”

  She sighs. “It’s a lot of effort to be that cool for me. For some people it comes easily; it did not come easily to me. I’ll just be my weird nerd, the quirky whatever.”

  Olsen had worked with Renner on Avengers, and was thrilled he wanted to come on board Wind River—Sicario and Hell or High Water screenwriter Taylor Sheridan’s directorial debut—after she had already committed to the project, which opened Friday. Renner plays a game tracker, who finds himself wrapped up in a criminal investigation on a Native American reservation; Olsen plays an upstart F.B.I. agent who arrives on the scene to try and make sense of the tricky case. “I found [Renner] to be really intimidating at first. . . . When I found out that he wanted to do Wind River with me, I was like, ‘Whoa, he wants to work with me?! He thinks I’m O.K.!’”

  Olsen says the “best thing” that came out of the movie was her work at the Rape Treatment Center (the investigation in the film centers on the rape and murder of a young woman on the reservation). “I trained to [become a volunteer] and then did Wind River, and it had a deeper meaning in some way because I’ve never been assaulted, I’ve never had to personally deal with anything like that.” Olsen now volunteers at the center every Tuesday. She says she was reluctant to talk about this volunteer work during recent film festivals promoting Wind River. “It was like, ‘I don’t need to tell people what charity I do.’ I think it’s funny when people are like, this is my charity. It’s also not something to brag about. It’s a really devastating thing in the world.”

  The current political climate is on Olsen’s mind, as well, and also has had effects on how she has approached her job. “There were certain things . . . when we were editing Wind River where I was like, ‘I’m not going to change that line, because if a man said it no one would give a fuck.’ You’re just like, ‘I’m going to fight this one. I don’t care if she comes across as being a little rude.’” She elaborates, “I think you just want to represent women well, period, and I felt that way before the election, and I feel that way now. There’s a new meaning to it now.” She recalls, when filming the most recent Avengers film, that the whole group of actors were glued to their phones while on set. “I think we were trying to watch, live-streaming [one of the James Comey–related hearings]. They are literally saying, ‘Rolling,’ and we were supposed to be dealing with some equipment, and [Don] Cheadle and [Chris] Evans and Scarlett [Johansson] and me and [Paul] Bettany and [Mark] Ruffalo were all like streaming.” Politics bled into actual scene work, as well: “[Director] Joe [Russo] would say, ‘It’s as if you just saw’ . . . fill in the blank with a real thing that just happened. So it is constantly bringing it back to rooting it and grounding it and knowing why we’re doing these movies.”

  She says she would have loved to play Elisabeth Moss’s part in Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale, the series about a dystopian, paternalistic world. “When I saw that there was a TV show that was coming out I was like, ‘How did I not see this?!’ I’m assuming [it was because] Elisabeth Moss was attached from the beginning. I was like, ‘I wish I had heard about this.’” When trying to sum up the sort of roles she finds herself drawn to, she acknowledges it can be hard to connect the dots. “Talking about the through line of my work that I’m choosing to do—not that [the projects] need to have anything in common tonally, obviously between Ingrid and Wind River I want to be in Avengers. . . . It seems all over the place but it’s what I love: it’s quirky, it’s dark, it’s important. It’s different. [The projects I want to do] show life through some sort of more metaphorical landscape and [focus on the] kind of absurd.”

  Olsen says she does not have specific goal posts for her life or for her career. “When I was younger, I wanted to own a house by a certain year, and that never happened,” she says; as each year ticked by, she would think to herself, “Yeah, but I feel like if I hold off I can get a better house later . . .” As a result, she says, “I don’t make those calls.” She does not have any upcoming film projects announced, though she is excited about a dark comedy “adult female-driven animation” project, which she says she is “finishing the deal on” now.

  As we walk out of the restaurant, she tells me she’s taking private Spanish lessons now, though she isn’t progressing as quickly as she might like because she isn’t dedicating herself fully to it. We part ways on the sidewalk, and she heads to the valet to go get her car. I imagine her driving home and stopping by the side of the road to pick up a quirkily-shaped rock, or to take a photograph of a chic pond (with an actual camera, I imagine, not her phone). I’m reminded of when she told me during lunch that if acting ever became something she did not enjoy, she thought she’d “go into flipping homes.” She’s probably having a low-key barbecue tonight, I think. She’s probably going to be serving delicious mint iced tea in mason jars. All super low-key!! I take out my phone and follow her on Instagram.

    Click the photo below to watch the Vanity Fair video

Press: The Secret to Elizabeth’s Super Low-Key, Totally Normal, Really Actually Enviable Success was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen