#also fuck you jiraiya

[sanjiaftersex]

no matter how many years pass i can never come to terms with the amount of pain and anguish the konoha mfs put naruto through i wish he blew that shitty place up

[sannin-three]

People who think Jiraiya having a wart in the anime makes him ugly are extremely weak willed. Man is 6'3", 191 cm and you're complaining about something smaller than a pea. Do you also complain about beauty marks because they're technically moles? Oh but I forgot, this is anime-land, where realistic human imperfections aren't allowed and the characters that do have them get them sanded away in fanart and headcanons.

[orcelito]

God I really do hate that Kishimoto made perviness be such a central part to Jiraiya's character, yet made him so cool otherwise. I'm in the middle of ep 128 of shippuden, aka where he's training Nagato & co, and he just. When he sets aside the dumbass act and finally acts like a mature adult, giving advice to his students... like I mean him acting like a dumbass is a whole part of how he works, but he COULDVE been a dumbass without the perv aspect to it 😭😭😭 I really do mourn what he could've been if it weren't for that shit. Bc even now I find myself getting drawn into the story and feeling some measure of fondness for him, but then I remember how he is towards women and it's just entirely soured. And he really was so important to Naruto, giving him a taste of actual Family, and yet..! I can't ever truly mourn him bc he's such a piece of shit!!!! God, I hate it!!!!! Why does Kishimoto write characters like this

[nyxire]

what do u mean there is a naruto fandom poll for a spin off manga

[evilkitten3]

YES

#also YES racist itachi agenda. I'm sorry he's been drinking the koolaid his whole life.#Itachi (with ROOT sex ed): But isn't sex a mark of weakness in the mind and will of a shinobi who gives into their base desires?#yoji (has to pretend to be normal): I'm. sure Taichou did what was best for the mission. I trust his judgement. As a shinobi.#Tenzou (WANTS people to think he's normal): Plus the target was a man. so maybe it doesn't count?#Yugao (doesn't want this dumbass 11 year old get groomed and has SEEN some shit): Yes it counts. You'll understand when you're older.#Itachi: but what if-#Kakashi: The next person who talks is writing the mission report. Shut the fuck UP and go to sleep.#(ALSO just to clarify. Kakashi got his sex ed from Jiraiya and doesn't see any ANBU as kids. he isn't flustered by their questions he's#SUPER annoyed. and also Yugao keeps yelling at him for being so explicit in his answers because itachi is ELEVEN.)

now i'm imagining minato trying to figure out how to give kakashi The Talk and just having jiraiya do it since he vaguely recalls it was fun last time (note that "last time" jiraiya was drunk as hell, and he's just as drunk this time too)

akatsuki flat earthers

unfollow me if you think the earth is flat:

sasori, kakuzu

seriously pretends to be a flat-earther to to antagonize anti-flat earther (see above):

deidara

neutral, but makes polls to start fights “is the earth flat? 🤔 let’s discuss”:

zetsu, obito

NOT a flat earther but makes “the earth may be flat but this ass isn’t” jokes for viral tweets:

konan, kisame

actual flat earther:

hidan, pein, itachi

[oxydiane]

we talk a lot about how sasuke and naruto are so crazy about each other but there’s never enough attention on how the rest of the naruto cast Also thinks they are two fucking lunatics. like we are not alone on this. you have jiraiya telling naruto he needs to not go and chase a mf who tried to snatch his heart out his ribcage and naruto is like no i’d rather be a fucking moron for the rest of my life honestly. you have naruto leaving a mission and saying sory i cannot stay i need to go home and wait for sasuke and the fucking platypus looks at him ???? like he even had me confused where are you goin g to wait? ? why are you saying that like sasuke is coming back the fuck did i miss??? you have the kage summit arc which is just a whole bucket of ice being dropped onto you because you come in and immediately get slapped in the face by naruto letting himself be beat up because he won’t tell them where sasuke is??? like he has any fucking idea where sasuke is. and sai tries to make him come to his senses like naruto??? naruto WHAT ARE U DOING. it’s so bad they need an intervention. right after that naruto faces the raikage and gets on his knees saying i know my almost boyfriend almost killed your brother but i promise it wasn’t on purpose he was just being silly please don’t put a bounty on his head a war will literally ensue. and like. there’s LAYERS to this. 1. even RAIKAGE is like BOY what are you doing. STAND UP. 2. at this point you can count the people who like sasuke on the fingers of one hand like WHO is gonna start a war over him… naruto out there moving a war against a whole country by himself over his bf ok you go girl i guess. after this it gets even worse like gaara has to go up to him and be like SASUKE DOWSNT CARE ABOUT YOU. HE DOES NOT WANT YOU. and naruto just slaps his hand away in front of his family like rude?????? ignoring anything it is hilariouuusssss and then sai is like sorry. sakura lied to you they are actually off to kill sasuke and naruto gets a panic attack so severe he passes out. like i am not joking it was so bad his friends tried to kill sasuke behind his back. and then naruto escapes bedriddenment (is that a word?) after passing out from his panic attack to run and make sure NOBODY kills sasuke. like he’s on a RUSH leaping those trees he’s a boy on a mission. then after he gets there he’s like kakashi DO NOT TOUCH HIM. they launch themselves at each other bla bla gay monologues did you see what was in my heart and then. and then naruto is like. wait sasuke. and sasuke waits like sorry that’s such a little thing but it’s so funny to me like sasuke was just acting a lil murderous crazy manic wtv but naruto told him to wait and he waits. ok good boyfriend. anyways moving on naruto is like do you get it sasuke. if we fight again we will BOTH DIE! (everybody gets a ?????? bubble) i am the only one who can shoulder all that hatred. i will CARRY THE BURDEN OF YOUR HATRED AND WE WILL DIE TOGETHER! and . absolutely Everybody in that room just goes ???????????? what the FUCK is he TALKING ABKHT. everybody except sasuke. sasuke smirks and he’s like sure. they just talked about dying together and meeting each other in a different life where they’ll be free of their burdens and they’re just Fine and all ok smiling at each other and everyone is so fucking confused. like the entire supporting cast is with us side eyeing sasuke and naruto and thinking what in the everloving FUCK is WRONG WITH YOU????????

[dolliestfairy]

TW: Smut, Fluff, Breeding, Praising, Size Kink (?) lmk if i miss anything. Chubby Reader Fics with No Skintone of Reader Mentioned.

-Dividers from @v6que

can you imagine having a husband or boyfriend who is a farmer boy? like he's all buff, beefy, and strong and stuff.. and every time he gets home and opens the door, one thing he always does is that he will always look for you first, then he will carry you up to his room, and fucked you for the rest of the day. he's a boy who always fucked you like you're some kind of whore of his, but he somehow -- praise you like a princess. he use his dick to get you to your place, but on the other hand he also use his words to make your heart flutter by saying how good you're doing for him, how you're his woman, and how are you, sooner or later, that you will for sure, will gave births to his 'mini me'. and by the end of the day, you're gonna be nothing but his Pretty Woman.

🍡

one of the things about a farmer boy that i really like to thoughts about is the fact that since he's (so) beef and buffy, he really like to just carry you, scooping you, and bump you into his shoulder while his hand leaning on your back, ignoring your whining and protest about how you're a heavy woman and that you've also beg him to let you down while he was just saying "oh come on baby,, its not that bad. i promise i'll gave you a sweet treats."

𐙚 The Men That I'm Talking About Are : NANAMI KENTO, BOKUTO KOUTARO, HOSHIGAKI KISAME, RENGOKU, Shiva, Sugawara, Toji, TENGEN, Iwaizumi, Geto Suguru, KUROO TETSURO, Jason Voorhees, Vincent Sinclair, THOMAS HEWITT, Eren Yeager, Bakugo, Wakatoshi Ushijima, KAKUCHO, KIRISHIMA, Gyomei, Sanemi, DOUMA, Akaza, Miguel O'Hara, Sanzu, KONIG, Price, Dabi, Yuuji, Choso, SAWAMURA DAICHI, terushima, SENJU HASHIRAMA, ARATAKI ITTO, AONE TAKANOBU, Semi eita, Kou mukami, YUMA MUKAMI, Akiteru Tsukishima, JIRAIYA, lev haiba.

DID I FORGET ANYONE? INSERT YOUR FAV!

[yellowocaballero]

i very much enjoy the extremely scientific analysis of the naruto verse in which there are three genders, aka naruto, sasuke, and Woman.

AM I WRONG? AM I WRONG? pulls down projection screen and plays powerpoint

Obviously let's give room for nuance. A ton of Naruto characters don't fall into these gender norms. This does predominantly apply to the rampant proliferation of the three-person dynamics that were assigned by the government and dictate your entire life. And, like, society. It does not end. Gender isn't a biological factor in Naruto, it's a social dynamic constructed entirely by your homoerotic tension with other men. And there are so many.

Madara (S), Hashirama (N), Mito (W). Izuna (N) and Tobirama (S) - tragically, Izuna died before women could be invented. Sarutobi (N), Danzo (S, horrifically) - see above about women not being invented yet. Jiraiya (N), Orochimaru (S), Tsunade (W). Yahiko (N), Nagato (S), Konan (W). Obito (N), Kakashi (S), Rin (W). Shisui (N), Itachi (S), that little deeply unimportant girlfriend (W). Um, fucking, Naruto (N), Sasuke (S), Sakura (W). Even - even, fuckin, Rock Lee (N), Neiji (S), Tenten (W).

And what do they all have in common????

(OT3. They're all OT3s. Is what I'm saying).

There is some room for alternative gender expressions here, like being butch or femme. Naruto gender expressions: teacher, otouto, woman who you can't even tell is woman gendered because she has no backstory but you just have to kinda assume that she has a polycule-based backstory where she was Woman Gender. I feel almost as if 2/3rds of the Rookie 9 are liberated from this. InoShikaCho just doesn't fit (their chaotic cousin energy is just too strong and Ino's too much of a lesbian). Hinata's too busy being defined entirely by a different throuple's N to have codependent dynamics with her own N and S (and I'm hesitant to even say that, since I actually don't know if Kiba and Shino have a codependent rivalry - do they?).

I get, like, the reason for all of this. Curse of Hatred. Cycles. N and S Genders being sourced from demigods or something. Narrative parallelism. Sympathy points. It's not the bad guy's fault he's evil, his N and W gendered counterparts died :(. But an extremely strange side-effect of this is that all of the male characters are, like, Just Naruto or Just Sasuke. But the vast majority of the female characters are - like, completely defined by the men in their lives - but also they are more likely to be a unique person. Mito, Sakura, and Rin have actually nothing in common. Writing so sexist it creates more interesting characters?!?!

Unironically, this is why I'm always saying that Sasunaru is the ship of all time, nothing will ever top it, you will NEVER do it like Sasunaru, etc. Every important relationship in the series is meant to evoke Sasunaru. (Notably, none of the explicitly romantic ones. But we're beyond such paltry understandings of the most iconic pairing of all time as fundamentally based in romance. We're operating on a higher level than that). This unbroken chain of toxic yaoi has culminated at the end point of Sasunaru, and it exists to parallel Sasunaru and define their relationship by the dysfunction of generations of tragedy. That's why Naruto has to consciously break the cycle and free them from the generational hate - it was the only way to save Sasuke. This is also why I'm always saying that Sasunaru is the point of Naruto, and that the entirety of Naruto is about Sasunaru. Come back to me when your work has invented new genders in the all-encompassing pursuit of toxic yaoi.

This also means that the only truly gender non-conforming individuals in Naruto are its mightiest heterosexuals: Minato (W) and Kushina (N). Truly insane. The N/S/W configuration is the societal norm, it's bonkers to make a major good-aligned male character a wifeguy. By Naruto standards Minato and Kushina are the only queer couple.

[evilkitten3]

bonus: they get shizune and also a pig! two medics for the price of one (jk you have to pay them both. a lot. tsunade is in a fuckton of debt)

also while we’re on the subject of the akatsuki. I really wonder how long the internal debate was to hire tsunade.

Pros:

shes fucking tsunade

do the akatsuki have a medic: no

do they need a medic: it would be helpful. pein is basically constantly dying.

people she cares about keep dying horribly so there’s a connection there? maybe they could get her on their side??

the goal of the organization is to capture all of the jinchuuriki and tsunade is a woman who is capable of punching an actual bijuu in the face and making it hurt.

Cons:

technically not a missing-nin, she just. kinda went awol. How disillusioned is she with the system. Unknown.

not only is she from konoha, but she’s jiraiya’s teammate. this isn’t a dealbreaker because they did hire orochimaru at one point, but still. complicated feelings.

kind of notorious which is not helpful as a clandestine organization of missing-nin. even if she learned to be more subtle, that would just raise the question of “hey, where the fuck did tsunade go”

if kakuzu has already been hired, this is a shitshow waiting to happen. She’s hashirama’s granddaughter. She’s terrible with money. She cannot be killed. He is already 3 seconds away from an aneurism at all times, this might just make him flip out completely.

Tobi’s Pros and Cons List (secret):

Madara would think it was funny if the last Senju became a missing-nin

If she joins, this might cause jiraiya to come after her. If tobi kills jiraiya, no more icha-icha is published. suffer in your trash can, kakashi.

kakuzu keeps killing all his partners and he would have a lot of difficulty killing her. also he makes very funny faces when he’s angry?? Tobi must weigh his own personal amusement against his organization’s combat effectiveness. Highly difficult.

tobi has never been punched through a wall before!

[dark-konohagakure2]

Jiraiya pressuring his daughter too recreate a scene in his book (the scene includes dubcon sorta)

tw: incest, parent/child, dubcon, daddy kink, coercion, age difference, manipulation, size difference, blowjobs, praise

All characters depicted are 18+

Even though Jiraiya is a very busy man, being both a legendary ninja and an author, he always makes time to spoil his precious little girl whenever she's around, not only is she the list precious person in his life, but she's also his main source of creative inspiration as of late.

He would usually go around the village and peep in on bathhouses for his writing material, but as of late Jiraiya has been itching to write some more scandalous and dark literature for his more depraved audience, something that being a peeper alone won't help him write.

After some very careful consideration, Jiraiya is finally able to decide the plot for his next Makeout Tactis book, he's going to write about a perverted old man taking advantage about an innocent younger woman who's too weak and naive to resist his advances, and Jiraiya knows just who to go to for assistance on this latest creative endeavor.

His daughter is a good and obedient young woman, but even she would be taken aback by her fathers lewd demands to help him with his writings, but Jiraiya already knows how to talk her into things that she wouldn't do otherwise.

"Oh cmon honey, daddy really needs his inspiration! Look, it's real simple, just get on your knees for me and I'll handle the rest..."

He's eventually able to sweet talk her into things, gently stroking her head as he pulls down his pants and takes his cock out, gently demanding that she suck it, which she does despite her obvious hesitancy and discomfort, a fact that Jiraiya himself is very proud of her for.

He'll be writing down the rough draft as she sucks his cock, occasionally musing about the plot (or lack thereof) aloud or praising her for doing such a good job. Not only does she help Jiraiya concentrate, but he's able to write down in vivid detail just how good and wet her mouth feels and how cute her lips look wrapped around his thick member.

He won't be rough with her in the slightest, she's his precious princess after all, but even though Jiraiya doesn't mean any harm, his cock is big and thick, and it'll make her choke and gag quite a bit due to his size, although Jiraiya doesn't take her struggles too seriously, simply laughing and telling her that she needs more practice.

Jiraiya doesn't give much warning as he cums in her mouth, his larger body trembling above hers as he moans and finishes. He'll let her take a break after this, but not for too long though, that was only the first chapter after all.

"F-Fuck... Atta girl, just how daddy likes it... Oh don't make that face now! Thanks to you, daddy just got his inspiration for the next few chapters..."

Jiraiya is very proud of the finished product once he's done writing his latest masterpiece, which he couldn't have made without his sweet daughter, so he'll give her a little something as a thank you gift; a free copy and the book and some extra attention from her daddy.

[joisbishmyoga]

A sudden realization:

Iruka works the Mission Desk (and in a lot of fics he's also an assistant to the Hokage) bc he's experienced with the handwriting quality of small children. One of the most skilled in the village at reading that quality of writing tbh. So when you get jounin idiots trying to write their reports with a truckload of poisons/meds in their veins a/o not nearly enough of their blood there, or the guy who wrote his report while crouched at a 75' angle upside-down in the attic struts of his apartment building in a fit of PTSD, or the guy with undiagnosed dyslexia, or fucking Kakashi who graduated at six and never got formal training in things like how to hold a pen -- literacy is one thing, he's just great at literacy, he's one of those geniuses that had a functional reading level at age four but writing is considerably more guesswork about how to form the letters. He did get decent training in seals much later, but that just means he writes like he's trying to make the report explode and doesn't actually know the difference.

So one day Kakashi finally loses his temper at Iruka losing his temper, and bitches him out right back about how poorly the forms are designed, nothing is in the right quadrant much less in proper order, he has to pre-plan the writing for three hours and how the hell does everybody else make these deadlines it's like they're just writing the forms left to right and top to bottom all in rows.

And Iruka just. Stops. Slow dawning horror sizzling across his face like the lit fuse to a bomb.

The Ninja School Board is about to have a Very. Very. Bad. Day.

Addendum: Kakashi doesn't read Icha Icha for the plot; he reads them for the seals he thinks are encoded on the pages. 'Funny' part is, he keeps finding new ones. Jiraiya is not actually putting any in.

[plotsignificanthaircut555]

Help to Sleep

Kakashi Hatake x Reader, SMUT. MDNI 18+ only. Ao3

6.8k words, kind of a shorter one but im trying to be more concise. also this one won the poll but the Higuruma fic and the Jiraiya fic will also be posted soon! thanks to everyone who voted and I hope you enjoy. tags: thigh fucking, biting, a lot of talking about smell, kakashi is tired and desperate and loves you so much.

When you met Kakashi he wasn’t a sound sleeper. He would get up periodically throughout the night and excuse himself from bed to sit in the living room reading or cleaning, trying to lull himself back to sleep through monotony. As years removed him from the prescient danger of working in the anbu and moved him to a technically safer position of teaching, he found himself able to sleep feeling safer, sleeping harder, dreaming more, unafraid of being caught unprepared. He could still rouse himself at the slightest shift or change in your shared home, but these days, you would find him sleeping so peacefully, so still, that you felt compelled to check under his exposed nose to see if he was still breathing. He always was. He would often then be awoken by your approach and take your trembling hand in his and press a soft kiss to the heel of your palm, touched by your concern for him. Sleeping next to him was like sleeping next to a large, warm dog, slobber included. As selfish as it was, sometimes you wished he would keep his mask on during sleep, just to have another barrier between you and his drool. His bare, strapping arms would wrap around your shoulders, holding you tight to his warm, broad chest and not release you until he had woken the next morning, pulling you with him in every readjustment and every toss and turn. You would never admit this to him, but he had recently begun to snore, a soft, rattling breath inhaled and exhaled in little huffs. You knew he would take it as an example of his rigorous assassin’s training slipping away from him as age and direction had led him down another path, so for now it was a secret only for you. And you were honored to know something about him so intimate, so private, something he, himself, didn’t know. 

You had never known bliss like being held in his arms, pressed right up against his naked torso. Kakashi never slept with a shirt on, citing his own body heat became overwhelming for him if he did. Once you two had gotten more comfortable as a couple, sharing beds over and over, he began sleeping with nothing on period, encouraging you to do the same, again blaming his body heat. You were happy to oblige, slipping between the sheets with him completely bare, his hands glued themselves to your soft, exposed skin. They were rough, his gloves did their best to protect the thin skin of his hands from callusing and blistering, but they could only do so much. His long fingers were textured and bubbled in places, the palms themselves bearing small nicked scars from the wayward kunai or shuriken, but they felt like butter on your body, sliding so smoothly down your side, from rib cage to hip. Tonight was one of these nights, where his hands grabbed you freely, squeezing every curve of flesh he could reach, his lips ghosting over the back of your neck. 

“So beautiful…”, he would whisper before sliding his tongue up the outside of your ear. 

By this point you could feel him becoming harder against your ass, you pressed your hips against his, rocking slightly to stimulate his growing erection. Kakashi was a grower, starting contained and unimposing but expanding and lengthening into a wondrous, full staff that never left you unsatisfied. His hands would get hotter, press harder, squeeze tighter, as you pulled this transformation from him, bruising the outer part of your arm, your hip, your breast, wherever he was using for leverage to rut his cock against you. You raised your arm to cup the back of his neck, wanting to have as many points of contact as possible with him. He continued kissing your neck, up to your ear and down to your shoulder. 

You wanted to be concerned about how late it was, he had gotten home only thirty minutes ago, after being away for four days. You knew he must be exhausted, you saw the fresh healing bruises on his arms and torso when he disrobed earlier. You wanted to help him relax however you could, allow him to turn off his busy genius’ brain for a while and just feel good. You lifted your top leg slightly, his now engorged cock slipped against your other thigh, and closed your legs again, encasing him between your legs. Kakashi shuddered a groan out against your neck, burying his head further into the juncture between your throat and shoulder. 

“Thank you.” he mumbled, so grateful to be understood so wordlessly by you. 

He hadn't even had to ask but you had read his mind. He wanted the mindless, thoughtless expressions of intimacy that he had only ever known with you. Acts so primal that they held no space for thought or distraction. It gave him a break from how loud his mind usually was, his hips moved on their own to slide against your dampening pussy. Your slick was coating your outer lips and inner thighs, giving him a perfectly lubricated gap to fuck himself into. You loved him like this, so mindlessly desperate for you. You may be the only person in the world to have ever seen him like this. You blushed at the thought. He whimpered and grunted against you, moving his hips faster between your thighs. You felt every inch of his shaft sliding against your slit, his fingers clenching the flesh of your hip; clean, trimmed fingernails leaving crescent shaped impressions in the skin. 

“Baby please…can I? Please, love?” His voice was husky and rough, his lips dampening the skin of your neck. 

His nose was filled with your smell, your hair was in his face, your legs were so tight and wet around him, he needed to cum so badly. His every thought was about you, how good you were to him. How lucky he was to find someone like you. How much he loved you. He was becoming drunk on the feel of you, the smell of your perfume, your shampoo. He could smell himself on you, his laundry soap, the earthy soap in your shared shower.  Feeling you nod finally, Kakashi bit into your pulse point, his long canine teeth burying themselves into your flesh. You gasped at the sensation, your back arching pressing your ass back to meet his thrusts. His movements were becoming frantic and jerky, his building orgasm turning his brain to mush. The build erupted on itself, his teeth bearing down on your neck even harder, long white ropes of cum spurted from his cock, coating your legs and the sheets in front of you. He had been so pent up, it seemed that he would never stop spilling out. A pool of his cum gathered in front of you, you fought down the sense of jealousy, longing to have his cum buried deep inside of you rather than spilled on top of and beside you. But you’d have your chance soon, he needed this. And you were happy to be what he needed. 

Kakashi stilled his hips, releasing his clamp on your neck and he licked the raw spot, already starting to bruise. He should feel apologetic, but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but pride, the way you panted in his arms, supporting his shivering body. You had been so good for him, so generous with your body, your time, your love. He loved you so much, his heart stirred in his chest as he struggled to catch his breath behind you. 

“I love you.” You sighed, gripping his arms as they wrapped around you, pawing at your breasts.

“I love you, too.” He brings his face around to where you can turn back to reach and kisses you deeply, sliding his tongue against yours, reveling in the feeling of your mouth so hot and wet for him. 

Taking his time to kiss you, relaxing after his efforts, Kakashi finally roused himself to change the bed sheets and you cleaned your legs up in the bathroom. By the time you returned to the bedroom he was covering the bed in the comforter once more, tucking it in the sides and pulling it back so you could get in. He slid in next to you, still naked, the new sheets cool against his flushed skin. You laid on your back, Kakashi opting to lay his head in your chest and wrap his hands around your waist. Every once in a while he would press wet, open mouthed kisses to the outer flesh of your breasts, or the space in between. His mind (and balls) finally empty, he could feel sleep descending quickly as it always did when he was with you. Your hands moving through his silver hair were a tactile lullaby, pulling him deeper and deeper into his dream. You started to nod off above him as well, his heart beat syncing to yours. Tomorrow morning there would be work and reports and lessons and reassignments, but tonight there was just the two of you. 

[mixelation]

Ok so how would akatsuki!minato work? I am now intrigued

my thinking is:

minato is becoming increasingly torn about his own village loyalty bc the fall out of his "kill 1000 ninja" thing is messier than in canon. konoha is actively overworking him and tori is like "dude, they are trying to kill u" and then they DO try to kill his beloved girlfriend. also i think i will kill his genin teammates off screen so he's additionally upset about that

i think the way i want to deal with madara is minato comes back from two training sessions with team 7 and is like "I LOVE THEM I WANT KIDS NOW" and tori is like "......(deep sigh) well okay if obito MUST live you might want to pre-empt some things. go kill this man in a cave." and then she's also like "oh he might be an unkillable monster, you should bring me" and minato is obviously not taking his civillian gf to a fight if he can help it so he loops in orochimaru instead. the fallout is minato discovers uchiha madara alive in a cave and so he's convinced tori is maybe some sort of witch, and then also both orochimaru AND tori are both like "lmao, omg, don't let danzo know" and even jiraiya is like "yyyyyeah don't do that" and now minato is like ??? about konoha higher ups

minato & tori do start to have conversations about the future, and tori is like "i just want a comfortable life where i can fuck around and commit sins against nature in peace" and minato is like "a house? i can buy us a house. it has to be in konoha though" but tori is ummm a known wildly dangerous and confusing variable so it's unlikely she could just casually move to konoha and get to do whatever she wants there. UNLESS, she points out, minato just becomes hokage. being hokage has never occurred to minato before, but he's not humble enough to think he couldn't do it. so he's like "well, okay,"

however minato's name is off the short list for hokage due to his shady side activities (like killing a bunch of people on tori's behalf, and then the people sent to kill tori just disappear and minato is pretending like nothing happened). so they have to do some intense maneuvering to get his name back on this list

tori: hey i think it would be cool and sexy to free Ame and potentially end the war and get you hero points. oh and i think danzo is working with hanzo so like. we could just get rid of him jiraiya: wait WHAT

orochimaru is WEIRDLY helpful because he understands how easily this could just blow up in their faces and then his road to hokage is obstacle free. yeah let's fuck around with rain politics. why not???

they end up co-opting akatsuki-the-rebel group

minato does not become hokage but he does end up in charge of another village. so. uh. success?

[madara-fate]

Sometimes I don't understand these people

How is a woman supporting a man, sexist? What is wrong with being supportive? That's not called sexism that's traditionalism, these people force their own views on others and it's infuriating sometimes.

Didn't Naruto say he likes Hinata?

Didn't Sasuke thank Sakura ?

Wasn't Shikamaru greatful when Temari came to his aid, didn't you see the fondness in his face

Most of the complaints there are untrue.

Wtf do they want Mikoto to do? Play ninja while her sons are infants. They want her to be a bad mother. What just to chase a career of death.

And no Sakura isn't a bad mom, she prioritizes Sarada over her work. We see her spend more time with Sadara and being a good mom.

I don't understand it,do they want a man in a woman's body? Sakura Hinata Kushina and Mikoto chose family over work because they are good women. They are selfless and love their families. And that Hinata is basically a pacifist.

Heck Tsunade who I reckon as the best of them all is still devoted to her love and family (Dan and Nawaki). After all she became Hokage for them if I remember correctly.

Btw is Mikoto even a Jonin?! I remember Sasuke saying fucking toddler Itachi is better than her in shuriken jutsu.

Kaguya is the origins behind chakra but it's Zetsu that causes all the problems. It was he who planned her resurrection and it was he who brainwashed the Uchiha.

Most of the story men were villains so when a woman is finally the villain it's suddenly sexist?

I don't get the sexism in here tbh

"Sexism" is another one of those annoying buzzwords that people just love to carelessly throw around and grossly misuse in this fandom, right up there with "misogyny", "homophobic" and "fangirl". Everything that person said is complete and utter unadulterated nonsense, everything. I was actually left dumbfounded by the sheer level of absurdity emanating from what I just read. I thought I had read it all in the Naruto fandom but fucking hell, there are literally no bounds to the amount of drivel people can spew in this fandom.

So apparently, every single female character was defined by her relationships to men, and most of them were also boy-crazy. I'm not gonna bother listing a plethora of female characters proving this statement to be idiotic, but it also shows how much of the female cast's characters this person is ignoring by claiming how all of them are defined by their relationships to men.

People love to say how someone like Sakura was "obsessed with Sasuke", despite the fact that by their logic, Naruto was even more obsessed with Sasuke. But then they'll try and counter by highlighting his other relationships with Jiraiya, Iruka etc. As if Sakura didn't have her own other relationships with Tsunade, Ino, Hinata etc. They think someone like Ino is "boy-crazy", as if she didn't have very prominent and platonic relationships with Shikamaru, Choji, Asuma and her father. The relationships she had with them were far more prominent and important than her romantic relationships, but this person will of course ignore all of that and insinuate that Ino was boy-crazy, as if the romantic relationships were all her character amounted to.

Apparently, Shikamaru not being shown to marry Temari during his Infinite Tsukuyomi dream is evidence that he actively dislikes her. God only knows how they reached that conclusion.

Sai ultimately didn't find Ino ugly, as evidenced by Shikamaru Hiden's conclusion.

The amount of times Naruto has praised and held Hinata in high regard... The blood promise during the Chuunin Exams, the "Proud Failure" speech, him reassuring her during the skirmish with the White Zetsus, the hand holding scene, the entirety of The Last...

Sasuke called Sakura annoying at the very beginning, but she became one of his most precious comrades, as he himself stated.

This person literally picks and chooses where the story just ends for certain characters because they just ignore all of the later developments for these characters and their relationships.

Another stupid generalisation, acting as if all men who showed some measure of interest in women were just like Jiraiya or Ebisu.

Not every scene depicting Naruto's crush on Sakura showed goofy immaturity and innocence, and his growing feelings for Hinata certainly didn't demonstrate that.

Lee's crush on Sakura wasn't dropped entirely, they were brought up again during his Infinite Tsukuyomi dream.

So because Obito retained his feelings for Rin into adulthood, it means he was still the same childish boy? So by this person's logic, you can only truly grow up once you've moved on from the romantic feelings you had as a child? That's the same ridiculous argument I hear about Sakura - she developed in so many different ways as a person, but because she held on to her feelings for Sasuke, all of her development doesn't matter and her character regressed according to these people. It's pathetic.

"Women were almost always healers and support", despite the fact that 57% of all the Medic-Nins shown in the series were male, yeah I did my research on that one.

"Women make up less than 1/3 of ninjas even at Genin level", no. The ratio is definitely in favour of the male characters, but it's not that large. But that's to be expected, it's a battle shounen catered to young boys, so of course there will be more male characters. The vast majority of battle shounens have noticeably more male characters - Bleach, One Piece, Dragon Ball, My Hero Academia, Demon Slayer and Jujutsu Kaisen just to name a few.

"Girls are almost all desperate to become wives and earn the attention of boys who don't even like them!", more blanket statements, more gross generalisations based on the early chapters of one or two characters, and more misinformation regarding boys who apparently didn't like them.

Who the hell ever said or even remotely implied that Fugaku "married into the main family"?

To answer your question about Mikoto though, she was indeed a Jonin, but Itachi being better than her at something ninja related as a toddler isn't surprising, he was a literal prodigy.

Minato was the Hokage because he earned that title due to his unprecedented skills and accomplishments during the Third Shinobi War. Just because Kushina was "borderline royalty" and from a prestigious clan doesn't mean that she had more of a right to be the Hokage. Was she more competent as a leader than Minato was? Did she have the same level of respect in the village that Minato did? Was she more capable of defending the village than Minato was? No. If she had done what Minato had done during the War, and she wasn't Kurama's Jinchuuriki, then perhaps Hiruzen would have chosen her as his successor instead. There was no sexism in the choice of Hokage for fuck's sake.

How the hell can this person exaggerate Kushina's status by claiming that she was "borderline royalty", while simultaneously severely downplaying Minato's prestige by ignoring everything he had done to earn the Hokage title, and not see the glaring double standard? They're complaining about how Kushina's credentials were apparently ignored, while they themselves were ignoring Minato's.

Wow, the reach here is insane. This person really just wants to feel victimised from non existent sexism. The vast majority of the "sins" committed in the series were done by men, but we'll just ignore that I guess, like they chose to ignore so many other things proving their claims to be preposterous.

Kishi has no idea the sexism is there because it's not fucking there. However, nowhere did he claim that the women have "epic girl power", and at least with regards to Sakura, he openly acknowledged the errors that he made when writing her as the heroine. I won't dignify this person's further bullshit about the men apparently hating their wives, their loveless marriages, men being forced to marry women they don't like and Kishi apparently blaming women for this. It's just a bunch of baseless bullshit, like everything else they said.

[vulpisnocturna]

In your opinion if you are creating girlfriends for Naruto Sasuke itachi kakachi ans shisui how do you imagine them as terms of personality and appearances and what they be their dynamic in bed?

Oooh interesting. You said girlfriend, but I may slip with some of them lmao 💀

MILD NSFW from now, minors please don’t make me call your parents/guardian :(

Naruto: this man is a pure ray of sunshine. In my opinion, he would love a girl who is quiet and hides their emotions but feels intensely. He would love someone who is determined and willing to never give up, because he would admire her. He also needs someone who is as clingy as he is. Even secretly so, but he needs to never feel lonely.

Appearance, I think Naruto likes very feminine, very soft-looking women (bro grew up with Jiraiya talking about titties all day, who can blame him though). Other than that, I think he would really like big, expressive eyes.

In bed, I see Naruto as a switch. I think he can be a very soft dom, with a bit of a praise kink and a sailor’s mouth, and I think he would love for a girl to take some control too. It keeps it interesting and fun.

Sasuke: oooh, this one’s a bit tricky. Sasuke would fall for someone who never gives up on him, the one who stayed (so Naruto basically). Someone who knows how to express their feelings, because he’s not very good at it. He would also appreciate someone who pushes him to be better, though he’d deny it.

As appearance, I don’t think Sasuke cares that much. I think he would like someone on the shorter side. He lost his whole family, and I think it would make him feel as though he’s protecting that person.

In bed, Sasuke’s a very hard dom. Wants all the control, big humiliation kink and big massive colossal breeding kink (so why the fuck he only got one daughter??? like hello??? what about your clan sir??). He would like a girl who pushes back a bit, because he likes the challenge. But too much, and he gets annoyed and rougher.

Itachi: sweet little Itachi. I feel as though he would love someone who’s much more open and outspoken than he is, someone he finds intelligent but not in a pretentious way. He would want someone who makes him feel warm. Someone optimistic that can make him smile.

Itachi does not really make preferences for appearance. I think he would fall for personality and notice appearance after. But if I needed to say a few traits, I think he would need something striking that caught his attention. Really beautiful eyes or a unique hair colour. Even something like a scar on their face.

Itachi’s such a soft dom. He’s tuned in on his partner’s pleasure, big on praise kink and overstimulation (and breeding kink). He likes to be able to make his partner feel good. But when he’s rough, he’s veeeeery rough. If he gets possessive or his partner’s teased him a little too much, I think he would get very relentless and rough, lots of edging and dirty talk.

Kakashi: I think Kakashi would also need someone who’s quite optimistic and sweet, but more soft-spoken. He would like the shared silence, the understanding. I think he would appreciate honesty and hard work, but also determination and humour. That man’s had too much tragedy in his life.

You can’t tell me Kakashi wouldn’t like a curvy girl. God he reads Jiraiya’s books all day. Jiraiya’s obsessed with Tsunade’s titties (so am I) and I bet the mc of Icha Icha has got 106cm too. So Kakashi, I think, would love a girl with some curves. But also very soft features, I think.

Kakashi the brat-tamer. Literally. He loves the bickering, but he’ll put you in your place. He would be insatiable and ready to try anything. Not too comfortable with letting go of control, though.

Shisui: this man is so bisexual. He gives me fruity vibes. I think he would like someone he finds very pretty and sweet, maybe a bit shy. He also likes humour, so someone who can make him laugh. He’s also very protective.

In the realm of appearance, I think Shisui likes more angular features. He’s got such a baby face and chubby cheeks lol he’s so cute. I think he would like someone who looks very refined.

Shisui is also a switch imo. Fine with whatever, just wants a good tumble. He’s got a lot of stamina, and is quite enthusiastic. He makes his partner feel so so wanted all the time

[taldigi]

hi!!!! hi I've been loving ur Aus and kickass takes/discussions with each and every character (primarily Morgana and Teddie from what I can scroll down so far)

and I am !!!! absolutely normal about personas being gay or albeit the persona interacting with their little heroes cos like!! finally!!! SOMEONE MENTIONED IT and I can't thank you enough so here's - my take on that specific headcanon if you won't mind -

I actually do highly agree that each personas have a unique signature sound/calling noise if they don't speak verbally! (Jiraiya croaking like a frog,, very true and whistling tuney sound. Izanagi sounding like clashed metal and swishes of swords primarily, reverberated deep echoey hums, yukiko with flowery yet - also sounding like their turning into crisp. Sing-songy like uhhh a flute.)

but I also fuck with the fact they have their own personalities too; Izanagi and Yu having an apprentice/master dynamic... that's just me tho. Yosuke and Jiraiya on the other hand is a fun uncle who takes their kid somewhere fun - a gun range!

mix and match we have a polyamorous situation and I find that very very funny and delightful 😭😭😭 I do wish more fics explore this side of persona! like c'mon I want my other self talk and whisper me secrets -

but that's. all I have to say primarily cos I love your comics, they're funny and equally adorable 🔥

thank!!!!! I love being silly about my favorites and my brain is fulll of comics and ideas.

I've seeen a aloooooot of takes on personas, both in canon and non-canon and I'm def cut between a few different interpretations.

Ultimately, they are weapons, or- extensions of the self-- but p4 and 5 do push a little more into their independence. I like the latter idea, because it lends better to storytelling and situations.

I love personas talking and acting as guides, but only within your "self " (holds up the high priestess tarot card: The persona is your gut intuition, begging you to be true to yourself. holds up the magician tarot: the tools to success are within you and you must manifest them!) Like.. they may know a bit more than their user in terms of their own nature, but they aren't any more or less intelligent than their user. What gives them an edge is that they can express those subconscious desires directly-- stuff that you don't even know about yourself --and use that information to guide their selves. So yeah, the master/apprentice vibe from Yu? Yu's a natural leader, and an empathetic listener- of course Izanagi is going to be that too. And with Yu as drawn in as he is, who else is he going to listen to?

Persona noises? I'm all for it. I think it's a mix of.. what situation the personas are in specifically. They always have a link to their user, and can speak directly.. be it words or emotions. (i am NOT immune to the occasional scathing comment from Jiraiya on Yosuke's stupidity or loud mouth) On the field, however- it's different. Squeaks and clanks and hums and beeps. Others understand your persona based on how well they know you (example would be.. Yukiko understanding Tomoe more intuitively than she would understand Take-Mikazuchi.. "Whats that Tomoe? Teddie's stuck in the well??") plus plus plus PLUS close bonds being comforted by those real world equivalents... Chie loving birdsong... Yu comforted by frog chirps.. grapsy hands....

As tamed shadows: I also like to see them as "a version of you that is not tamed by societal expectations." and that does include shit like.. manners, gender performances, and familial expectations. So yeah, Izanagi likes herds his friends like a shepherd with his sheep, Tomoe craves stimulation, and Konohana Sakuya wants to bite things.

... and indulgently, I feel like that extends to expressing affection and bonds that would normally be like.. frowned at? as well as expressing relationships that pride seems to tamp down. Teddie and Yosuke have a cain instinct/ w/ Yosuke's "boys must be emotionally constipated about other boys or you will be EXILED TO THE FUCKED UP WEIRDO BIN" thing going on, but Jiraiya and Kintoki-Douji are far more openly affectionate b/c they are both naturally affectionate people. Get my vibe?

Also.. just.. personas seeing a loved one and go OH! MY FAVORITE ONE! and being drawn to them by default is.. aaahhh.

ANYWAY YOU GOT ME MONOLOGUING AGAIN YOU SLY DOG I hope this is as fun to read as it was to talk about LOL!