#meanwhile kakashi has had sex like twice and the first time he just went off what he knew from icha icha. it uh. it went. it went somewhere

[evilkitten3]

YES

#also YES racist itachi agenda. I'm sorry he's been drinking the koolaid his whole life.#Itachi (with ROOT sex ed): But isn't sex a mark of weakness in the mind and will of a shinobi who gives into their base desires?#yoji (has to pretend to be normal): I'm. sure Taichou did what was best for the mission. I trust his judgement. As a shinobi.#Tenzou (WANTS people to think he's normal): Plus the target was a man. so maybe it doesn't count?#Yugao (doesn't want this dumbass 11 year old get groomed and has SEEN some shit): Yes it counts. You'll understand when you're older.#Itachi: but what if-#Kakashi: The next person who talks is writing the mission report. Shut the fuck UP and go to sleep.#(ALSO just to clarify. Kakashi got his sex ed from Jiraiya and doesn't see any ANBU as kids. he isn't flustered by their questions he's#SUPER annoyed. and also Yugao keeps yelling at him for being so explicit in his answers because itachi is ELEVEN.)

now i'm imagining minato trying to figure out how to give kakashi The Talk and just having jiraiya do it since he vaguely recalls it was fun last time (note that "last time" jiraiya was drunk as hell, and he's just as drunk this time too)

akatsuki flat earthers

unfollow me if you think the earth is flat:

sasori, kakuzu

seriously pretends to be a flat-earther to to antagonize anti-flat earther (see above):

deidara

neutral, but makes polls to start fights “is the earth flat? 🤔 let’s discuss”:

zetsu, obito

NOT a flat earther but makes “the earth may be flat but this ass isn’t” jokes for viral tweets:

konan, kisame

actual flat earther:

hidan, pein, itachi

[ryodan]

Every team 7 ship VS NaruHina

To the clique that argued with me in the saltiest of ways, I dedicate to you my first ever anti nh post. I hope you think twice about telling people to kill themselves over your self insert and stop being a pimple on society’s ass.

Let’s start with the one that gets on your tits the most

Naruhina VS Narusaku (The Heaven and The Earth), alternatively titled : stop being angry he liked the hot chick and stop pretending Sakura isnt kushinas parallel

Whenever you feel the need to drag Sakura remember your origin story, @Lunaneko14. Don’t forget your years of defending SS to ride on it’s back lest ns happens

Your ship was here, while the ns fandom had this..no amount of sakura bitterness will change that, @mythicalheartbeat 

Ya boy that she was gorgeous from before team 7’s creation

Before you call Sakura selfish while gratifying Hintata, @fallingforkonoha, remember your void eyed princess entered a fight Tsunade knew not to interfere in knowing she can’t do anything to confess her feelings (at the perfect timing too, really) saying this about herself

A sentiment that continued until her almost final appearance in the manga she took up less than 1% of, as she took a moment to appreciate Narutos, big capable hands in front of her dead cousin . hand holding in front of lavish scenery is so sweet

VS Sakura, the selfish monster  who went in knowing she might get hurt, for him, because she cared greatly about his physical and emotional safety

Remember all those times Hinata just cared so much about his dreams, all those times she was there when he needed her

I love how she always believed in him, unlike Sakura. What a bitch, remember that comment she made in chapter 3 out of 700? Awful.

This QUEEN vs this BITCH, amirite @blackotaku97?

You know whats better than stealing someones ninja way, walmart naruto with a nuclear mushroom cloud of a head? Supporting your precious peoples ninja ways and finding your own.

A common argument that gets thrown around : Hinata was ALWAYS there for him

Sorry, I must have missed her in Narutos speech of the people who saved him from his loneliness and pain

I really like how she sees him miserable and doesn’t help him it’s the epitome of always there

Most of all, you nasty trash can excuse of a human being, I want you to get your head out of your asshole for just 3 seconds and accept that this happened

You can’t change what’s been set in stone

No amount of yapping with a filler movie can change the past. But you know what? Bitches  bark and yap, that’s no surprise

No amount of yapping about the twin lions fist, a head branch hyuga jutsu being hinatas own changes facts, @commanderkurama

My fav part of the pain arc was when Naruto never asked Hinata about her confession, or her safety. I also particularly like Narutos first ever hug that someone else initiated

Drag Sakura all you want but remember when you were here after 2013

Narusakus had this before 2007

Remember that while your self insert was fainting and going on suicide missions

Sakura and Naruto had already built a relationship based on mutual support, respect, love and equal footing (weather platonic or romantic, love is love). A relationship where they both believed in each other, supported each other, had each others back, laughed with each other, cried with each other, had actual chemistry with each other. Remember that the next time you whine about people loving this ship instead of your talked about the weather and clothes ship in an entire movie dedicated to them couple.

Sakura supports your faves so much that no wonder you want to debunk her heroine status and reduce her to a side supporting character that matches your background fav

Hiding her tears so she doesn’t hurt him!11! reminds me of that time she fake confessed to keep him,  kakashi and the rest of the world safe even if at the cost of killing her beloved one to save him from falling into deeper darkness. Sakura is so selfish, no wonder everyone in Japan hates NS

Know your place, Linda. Keep your scumbag-kun and the girl 2ch calls Hinabuta (quick Japanese crash course, that means hinapig), I like my Naruto and Sakura-chan just fine.

SasuSaku (The Hawk and The Cherry Blossom), alternatively titled: You rode on my back for years because your ship wouldn’t have had a hope in high hell if it were not for these two

Lunaneko, I think someone told me you said we try to compete with your shit ship.

It’s hard hearing you over making ship history

While Naruto was busy ignoring Hinatas general existence because she has the presence of the trash can in the sasusaku confession scene Sasuke (a boy who’s been thirsted after fresh from mikotos womb was already flustered and blushing towards sakura

You know what development is? Starting off with an irritable boy with 6 years worth of survivor guilt and manipulation weighing on his shoulders, saying something incredibly ignorant that rightfully pisses him the fuck off but still having him worry enough about you to stay with you to ensure your safety even at the risk of elimination

Aside from giving naruto his first hug, she gave sasuke his in years. Apparently Linkin park was so affected by human touch that he opened up to her about something he’s been repressing and isolating himself over for years. Going so far as stating ‘At that time, I was crying’ and even explaining his entire stance in the story ‘I am avenger’

Development is going from this look

To this look

From this

To this

And that wink too. There’s more chemistry in that wink than the entire NH movie

Remember that time Sakura helped Sasuke develop from a boy who had a childhood trauma based fear of stronger opponents with blood lust to a boy who fought Orochimaru bravely and grew 10x times in a single scene? All while she developed herself? And grew from an agreeable sasuke fangirl to a respected team mate? Y’all wanna compare the war hand hold scene to this? The war scene could have had potential if it ended better lmao

Why was he fighting?

Protecting her seems like an odd concept to you? Sasuke can’t relate :/ Naruto aint even wanna walk hinata home what joke is this

Remember that time Sasuke almost killed a guy in the forest of death? No, not broke Zakus arm

Sasuke was willing to kill for Sakura and I hope you know sasuke’s stance on killing. Where’s Naruto having this much care for hinata I don’t see it my competition is really lagging in this ‘race’

Remember that irritable boy? This boy crawling to her for comfort is a boy who grew alongside her, naruhina who?

You know what she did? She stayed up all night tending to her team mates, falling for konoha. Theres a fine line between cheating your crush at the risk of your team and staying up all night in a place titled the forest of death tending to their wounds at a mere bud age of 12

Wait no, bud who? She bloomed, all thanks to being inspired by the holy trinity (whos front and center? Louder for the people in the back, this is inspiration not just wanting to be with someone) and her own determination to protect her loved ones

Mutual development? Fuck me up. Here is an emotional maturation moment for BOTH of them

I love all of these mutual nh moments in the manga, all 0.0005 of them

She gave rise to a gentle protective side of him, so much so that he has used polite Japanese speaking to her before. The databook even states he saw her as someone he needed to protect. people ship ships for that special spark.The only spark hinata ever got was her wet dream from holding narutos hand, which she awoke from when she tripped on rock-kun

Naruto can’t tell apart true love from ramen? Canon Naruto can’t relate

I love that panel of jealous Naruto it’s great, oh wait its not him

Compete with Nh over what, blackotaku? Where is your naruto @ hinata speech I must need new glasses

Your bitch ass tried using you’re annoying as an argument and it’s so funny because imagine thinking he’s coming from a place of hate after he was willing to consciously give up his revenge for her safety and him saying what he said in their first encounter with a smile after pretending he didn’t remember their first meeting

Followed by this, the moment Japanese fans hailed the most emotional of part 1

You wish you were ss lmao, you wish you made it to 44 volumes out of 72

Compete with nh? On what? Getting stronger for your loved ones?

Chemistry?

Mutual support?

Their feelings are connected, their kid is the physical manifestation of their love not the screw that keeps them together..Her husband is travelling through space and time to keep them and the entire world safe. Naruto is 2 meters away, out there with a limitless bay of chakra unable to get clones to do his work for him.. anti-sakura-pro-hinata, at least when sasuke came home after 6 years of much harder work..he had dinner with his family. Maybe it’s because his daughter was raised well and it was pleasant being around someone who isn’t a brat.

Being intuitive to each other?

Oh lmao remember how Sakura was the only person who against all odds knew sasuke would leave the village?

Angst to keep it interesting?

Call me when Gaiden isn’t one of Kishimotos best selling works.  Call me when your ship actually wants to spend time with each other.

Where Narutos ultimate expression of love at? Is is sleeping on the couch? Boruto novel states sasusaku is having so much sex that sakuras skin is glossing, meanwhile naruto has erectile dysfunction and a shriveled dick by age 32

Sit down, there is not much competition. We keep the SS Japanese penguins, the Jump Fiesta sign attraction, the popularity, the ambitious kid and the moments, the canon selfless love only for the purpose of saving your lover and you keep the canon selfish love for the purpose of a confession  and the banana who wishes its father dies and the mom who just cried.

But remember who made you

SasuNaru (Yin and Yang), alternatively titled:  having black hair isn’t enough to make naruto obsessed.

The garbage can @anti-sakura-pro-hinata blog that attempted to call Sasuke trash because her fictional boyfriend was obsessed with him seems to forget Sasuke didn’t ask for it. Naruto needed a pep talk from fillermaru and fillerkura to chase after hinata yet chased after sasuke, even begged authorities to not kill him purely because he is his ‘friend’ for 3 years. He trained with him in mind, a fact so obvious that Kakashi pointed out Sasuke is the driving force behind Narutos training. Sasuke, and the image he had of team 7 in his mind. An image so important to him that the thought of it being tarnished by Sasukes absence made him have a panic attack.

He went after sasuke to save his best friend and for them all to be happy and smiling together, im sorry he didn’t include Hinata in his fantasies but Team 7 is kind of booked..we only have room for neo sanins, vip people and connected hearts here. If youre jealous your self insert doesn’t matter,, I don’t know, make up fanfiction where she appears in more than 38 pages of the manga

#parallels 

Hinata is canonically narutos most important person!11!! where? Must be on fight on top of the moon land. Be happy Naruto went rampant when his seal was weak, Konoha was destroyed, Jirayah was murdered, Kakashi was killed, Tsunade was hurt and then Hinatas ass decided to risk him chakra depletion, death and losing himself. But remember who made him go rampant with a strong seal at the slight mention of a name

The boy he wanted the acknowledgement of the most because he admired him so much that being like him was his goal

Yet when he got it was still like ‘later, emo asshole. Just get your shit together first.’

Why? Because he loved his friend so much that understanding him and fighting (literally fighting) the fated hatred in his heart mattered more to him than the ego he wanted stroked since age 7

What does that mean? I don’t know man. They trained together, laughed together, rivaled each other, were petty to each other and before they knew it they were inseparable. Back then and always

@remedialaction, come after sasuke because your self insert isn’t noticing the shy girl hes friendzoned later. A huge part of Narutos development was heavily tied to Sasuke, lets not ignore the fact that sasuke being a good team mate who put the 3 man cell idea into his head before Kakashi even told them about team work is the reason why they even became ninjas

Remove and erase Sasukes victim status, his entire arc, motivations, fate and position in the story because he is in the way of a ship when he isn’t the only reason Narutos dick was alive for Hinata

But no Sasuke is a bad person, no matter what the narrative and facts are because nardo is obsessed with him

Praise hinata for her naruto-kun became my goal speech when you acknowledge

‘I knew you were always alone. I felt better knowing there was someone like me..i wanted to hang out with you. It just made me happy! But I couldn’t..i was jealous of how skilled you were, so I turned you into a rival. I wanted to be just like you. I started with nothing but I finally made a connection. We went on missions as team 7, and I kept chasing you, wanting to be just as strong, just as cool. Im really glad I met you!’

Bring sasuke down and praise hakuna hintatas for saying the same thing. ‘Naruto kun saved me’ vs ‘Thanks to you I found salvation’

And weep over how sad your ship looks like next to two arms connected by love (platonic or not love is love), fate, tears and literal blood.

But no, what is yin and yang, light and shadows, love and hate, 2 lonely people watching over each other because ‘finally someone understands my solitude’ as a dynamic in comparison to meek girl and loud guy who could have voiced his attraction eons ago?! It’s funny, even with the canon context of SNS being indra and ashuras chakra incarnate and a brotherly bond, it still works better and is a hella lot more interesting than NH

The scenes showing Naruto and Sasukes iconic team work have more chemistry than naruhinas entire manga time, movie time, filler time and hell even fan art and fan fiction time. I know you're jealous because sasuke is well loved, but show some respect to Borutos mother.

 Kakasaku (Hot and hotter), alternatively titled: Get your head out of your ass

Kakasaku is pedophilia!!

It’s bad!11! because my subjective opinion said so!11!

Not as bad as nh

People ship adult Kakasaku for a whole lot more meaningful stuff than a self insert ship

Kakashi never looked down on her since shippuuden. He acknowledged her strength and how far shes come from being the whiny 12 year old he used to teach. He always knew by part two that she’d be great and he respected her a lot. He saw her kind heart and praised her for it and for her selfless love. They grew to become fellow comrades in the war who had equal respect for each other. What can y’all say about NH? This is a joke.

I want to stay in my lane, but the lanes converge when you make ugly personal attacks at people and insult ships and characters to elevate your own shit show. Drag Team 7 into your ugliness again and I expose your insecure ass.

Y’all can’t touch this aesthetic. Come at these kids when Naruto doesn’t remember them when he’s eating a bento (Something special made by someone you love-sarada) made by his wife.

Special thanks to @uzumakura for tht good ns wank, @sakuraharunos for that good sns wank, @chiwawha for her opinion on ks and me for my patience