#also even tho i've been with them for almost 2 years now i still feel like i'm the least important person in the company lol

[fettery-fetterie]

GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET

ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life

[ontargetmadders]

my company are employing a lot of new people lately all of a sudden... can only be good thing I guess. but it's just odd how so many are joining this year

[unforth]

I keep seeing posts comparing this to 2004 or other past election losses and how this feels the same or similar to those past times.

As another Old who voted in 2004 (and I missed voting in 2000 by a month and was furious about it) I really can't even put into words how vehemently I disagree.

In 2008, I remember very earnestly sitting down with some friends and saying that if somehow McCain beat Obama, I'd have to join the fucking revolution, because I couldn't believe that this country would elect a Republican AGAIN after the previous 8 years of bullshit. I look back now and think how incredibly naive I was, but I also look back now and think, damn, why aren't I 25 NOW? I can't join the revolution now, I'm 41 and I own a house and have two young children and one old parent depending on me.

Because honestly, truly, as someone who has been studying American history since I was 7, as a Civil War buff with expertise on the years before the Civil War, as someone who has at least some memories of every election since 1988... guys, this isn't the same as 2004. I was furious then. Swift Boat bullshit I swear to fucking dog. And I was and still am fairly convinced that the 2000 election was deliberately stolen. But also I still had every reason then to believe in the rule of law.

In 2004, I still believed term limits would be respected.

In 2004, I still believed a person who wasn't elected would demure gracefully to the winner.

In 2004, I still trusted the courts.

In 2004, I still believed that we'd made progress on bigotry.

I could go on, and to be clear, my point isn't "I thought these institutions were ~good~" in literally any objective sense. Y'all are cynical but my generation was raised by, surrounded by, Vietnam vets and trust me, there was no way to be a kid, seeing what the 70s did to this country, and not come out as cynical and furious as the best of um. (My grandfather was a World War 2 vet, as were his close friends. My father and both his brothers are Vietnam vets, tho my dad didn't go overseas.) But I did believe that even corrupt institutions, even broken racist systems, even fucking Republicans, would follow basic norms of democracy. They said they believed in the constitution and I believed them. I believed that, like Nixon, truly getting caught doing something insane would at least force a mea culpa and turn public opinion. I believed...

Well, I guess it doesn't matter.

Because I no longer believe any of that.

I have watched the guard rails disappear over my lifetime. I have watched the party who once spent 2 years pursuing a guy over a BJ in the oval office elect a convicted rapist. I have watched and at times I've participated and I've voted and I've organized and I've protested and I've read the news more days than not and I've lived and I've grown and I've learned.

I have been an adult, legally, for almost 24 years now.

Guys... there are no norms remaining on the far right. The guard rails are gone. The Fascists control the White House, the senate, the Supreme Court, and things aren't looking promising for the House.

The bus has no brakes anymore. They think they have a mandate - and I can't blame them, as horrifying as this mandate is, because if things had gone the other way and Harris had gotten these results I'd also think it was a mandate.

Please sit with what this means: Trump and the Republican party said, "hand us the reins and we'll make everyone you hate hurt," and more than half the people who bothered to vote said "sure buddy, here goes." We don't have a usurper this time. This is the country that the majority of Americans said they wanted. Whether they come to regret that or not, they saw open Fascism and went "oh yes, count me in." And it wasn't because of the electoral college this time. It was because this country is so bigoted and misogynistic that they'd rather have this than a woman of color in the office.

I'm sick of "well she didn't run a good campaign." (Lie.) I'm sick of, "well we didn't get a primary." (Who cares?) I'm *extremely* sick of "well, Palestine." (Yes! Democrats actions have made the suffering there so much worse! It fucking sucks! You know what's about to suck so much worse?)

15 million people who showed up for Joe Biden couldn't be fussed to place a vote for Kamala Harris. Whatever their reason for not voting, we all knew the outcome if she lost. And seeing open fascism didn't fire them up enough to make the effort, and that's fucking pathetic. The consequences of the worst happening mattered so little to them that they couldn't be fucking bothered to make the minimum effort to stop it, and now millions of people will suffer as a result.

Because here we are: the huge swathe of the country who wanted a strongman now have one.

Look, I don't know what happens next. But I do know, and remember keenly: after 2016, Trump did, or at least tried to do, most of the things he said he'd do. When he was stopped, it was often because of career government employees: judges, bureaucrats, etc. And this time, he's said he's going to purge those people. I don't know if he'll succeed, but I certainly believe he'll try.

This is not 2004 again.

This is 2024. The Republicans have ripped the mask to shreds, shredded apart the book of political norms, and empowered hate, and they've been handed a governmental mandate for stamped "have at with our blessing!" in exchange.

And now they'll use that mandate to make everyone they hate suffer: people of color, queer people, trans people, immigrants, non-Christians.

Don't assume the worst can't happen. I am a Jew, and I have a photo album full of black and white photos of dead people that constantly reminds me: the worst has happened and it can happen again.

Do not despair. Despair is enervating. Be furious. As we should be. These douche bags are repulsive. Be prepared to fight. Be prepared to flee. Be prepared to defend. Don't assume you simply can't do something. There's always something to do, and even the smallest act of defiance can help. There's never any knowing until after which acts of resistance will end up galvanizing the good and just out of their apathy. But that apathy is the enemy.

Because none of this is normal. None of this is "just like when..." Please stop saying it is.

And before anyone screams "privilege" at me, yes, I am in many ways. I'm white. I have access to some generational money even tho my own family lives paycheck to paycheck - we won't be rich but have enough of a support network to be comfortable. I live in a blue area of a blue state. But I'm also a woman (legally speaking, at least) married to another woman - since before Oberkfell, and yes I remember exactly what steps we had planned any time we wanted to leave our state. My wife has physical disabilities. We have two children. Both are biracial (half black). One is trans. We are caring for an elderly parent. I am Jewish and as my kids' birth parent, so are they. I own a publishing company that publishes the exact kinds of queer and kinky lit these people intend to ban. We tick so many boxes of what these people hate.

I know ya'll are scared. Trust me, I'm terrified. But fear is paralyzing. And that won't help. Whatever happens, don't lie down and take this shit.

When Gore lost I was one month shy of my 18th birthday and already in college. I have been fighting my entire adult life, and I'm exhausted. I'm much less able to fight now, much more tied down with responsibilities. But the fight isn't over. I'm checking our passports. I'm packing a go bag. I've convinced one vulnerable friend to move here and I have another who wants to and we're figuring out how to make that happen. I'm protecting who I can, starting with putting on my mask first. I don't know what will happen but if in the end all I can do is uproot my entire life to protect my children then I am preparing to do so. I can at least save them if no one else.

None of this is normal.

And I'm not sure, after Trump's in office, that anything will ever be normal again in the US. At least not the old normal. And there are ways that's a good thing, so many ways that the old normal sucked for so many people, and I'm optimistic that there's a bright future ahead, but man it looks far away right now. I don't want to go back to the old normal, and I want to be part of establishing a kinder, more just, more equal new normal, but we're a long way from there.

Whatever happens, we must endure. We must survive. We must support each other. We must find our allies and be prepared to compromise with them. Don't try to save everyone. You'll fail. Help even one person and you can change the world. Everyone things they can't do everything and so do nothing. That's insane. Do a single thing and it will be better than nothing. One phone call. One letter. One act of defiance. Very few people get the opportunity to grand gestures that matter, and the rest of us will die waiting for that moment. But the secret is that what makes those moments - the time when one person is in the right place at the right time for their action to matter - is built on millions of small moments by millions of people doing what little they can to make things slightly better. Think of every iconic photograph of a Sole Resistor you know of and think about every single tiny thing that had to happen for that moment to occur. Most of us will never me that one person, but that one person is a myth anyway. Countless tiny unseen moments create those myths. Doing literally anything is better than doing nothing.

And tooth and nail, quietly and loudly, in our homes and our towns and cities, during protests or when they come for our neighbors, we must fight.

[danrifics]

you all pestered me for it and here it is. the closeness analysis/ theory.

now if you didn't see I basically had this theory that the closer to BIG and COTY we get in the DAPG timeline the closer dan and phil sit to each other. Dan made a comment about how them playing Heartthrob being like a gay soft launch and that got me thinking of some other ways they could have done it and one of those being the idea that as time goes on you get less and less strict and worrisome about what others think of you and so they end up gravitating closer and closer.

This post will be under a see more cos its probably gonna be long af.

I will be splitting it into stages.

2014 -15

2016 - 17

2018

revival

sorry the screenshots arent clickable to make bigger tumblr only allows for 30 on a post so i had to group them together!

(i will not be covering horror games apart from in the revival stage and i will also not be talking much about gamingmas 2023)

2014 - 15

now when i initially went to collect my evidence, i was suddenly worried maybe i kinda had things wrong because i feel like in Donkey Kong Country (the first dapg video, see screenshot below) they're sat pretty close but honestly when we get to how they sit a lot later on you'll see that this is actually pretty far apart

now here are some screenshots for the inital look at at the end of them we'll talk (this will be the layout for most of this post i think)

now of course this is only a selection of those year's videos if i screenshotted them all i fear this post would never end. now these first 2 years are a good mix of at desk videos on sofa videos. i noticed from some other videos not show here that in sofa videos they rend to sit a lot closer to each other than they do at the desk, this is kinda funny to me cos really they definitely have room for a wider frame on the couch if they wanted to sit like normal people.

2016 - 17

2016 and the start of 2017 feel like a mixed bag of how close together they are but i did notice that the more into 2017 we got the more they seemed to be shoulder to shoulder! these also started to wean out sofa sitting games (not 100% gone yet but almost). now if you're wondering why i've kept this screenshot apart its cos this is the last one in the first london apartment.

and honestly from here on out is where i believe the "soft launching" begins!

so lets finish 2017 and see if im right!

just had to single out this screenshot for a sec:

in case anyone wondered that is the face dan made during dream daddy when phil reads "we were roommates for a while too"

softlaunch?

anyway moving on

watching these videos definitely feels like something changed btw, while they still arent as close as we'll start seeing them sit, i definitely noticed more often they were shoulder to shoulder. but like a new room has definitely changed the vibe a little bit between them, and now we can move on to the next and final year of pre hiatus dapg, where things as you will see immediately start to change.

2018

like i said... immediately we are met with this, i would also like to let everyone know that 2018 is my favourite era of pre hiatus dapg

lets see what the rest of this year will bring

now i'm splitting 2018 up into parts because i need to do a whole talk about the tour situations so for now lets look at the above screenshots, now its very obvious that they are sitting so much closer to each other which i think is really funny considering how big that room is and often in this section of videos there is a lot of room either side of them so they literally do not need to be that close.

now lets talk about the tour bus. this is how close they're sitting

thats for sure a 1 person seat yet they've both forced themselves on even tho the sofa literally behind them would have been perfectly fine to sit on, and they cant give me "this is the only place to set up the camera" babe its really not theres a whole surface behind you.

okay thank you for listening to this, moving on to the final part of 2018!

(the last 2 screenshots are out of order oops)

idk about you but yeah i think they are definetly a lot closer than they were way back in 2014. i really dont have a lot to say other than that, and i have definetly proven my theory so now we've established that lets have a brief look at post hiatus dapg!

Revival

Now this is gonna be really brief its just a summary of where we are post BIG/COTY and post hiatus (things my brain still cant quite believe is real)

now here are the revival moments i wanna give a mention!

firstly sims season ep 3 when dan moves his chair away from phil and their wheels are literally locked together, pushing phil's chair too

heres dan looking into the monitor and then moving closer to phil <3

and finally

hand hold

thanks for reading all this and sorry if it didnt live up to the hype lmao

[evelili]

As an immigrant child, your new fic had resonated with me. It made me tear up eating dinner with my family.

When Saffron said, “This selfish desperation to know that I haven’t lost my connection to my home." It instantly took me back to being constantly teased by my friends for not being 'in tuned' with my culture like how they were, or how I desperately tried speaking in my native tongue with my parents, despite having a very clear american accent and them constantly assuring me that speaking in english is fine. My grandmother had passed earlier this year, she was the grandparent that I knew the least. I started asking about her from her sisters as my mother isn't in the state to answer anything, I've tried so hard to pick up the pieces of what her sisters have told me to construct an image of her personality. She used to constantly ask me to call her so when I read about Saffron talking about how video calls have were never the same and never enough, it hit me like a load of bricks.

Your fanfiction is so tremendously beautiful in describing the feelings I have felt all my life. How I know that where I am right now isnt home, but my actual home has been so unfamiliar after my grandmothers passing. I have constantly felt like I have disappointed her, so when Sunset confessed to the same thing, I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore. The ending with Saffron talking about how she would be waiting for Sunset to come home if she was her mother made hope that was true with me and my grandmother, if I were to ever reunite with her again when I pass away myself.

Thank you so much for writing this story. It was the most comfortable yet intense stories I have ever had the blessing to read. I am sorry for rambling and I hope this entire message makes some sort of sense? I hope whatever you're dealing with gets solved to the way you have hoped it would.

You have also made me see dal in a new light, it was never a food that I used to like, but I am willing to give it another shot lol

i looked at this ask earlier and had to take some time to process how to respond to this. i think tho i still dont really know how to, so i hope thats ok!

first of all, thank you so much for being comfortable enough to tell me ur story. it really means a lot that you would open up to me, a stranger, and the fact that you did so bc something i made had an impact on u quite actually moved me to tears. im a bit of a soggy mess rn lol. thank you again, truly.

second, i want to express my empathy for you and your situation with your grandmother. my grandad passed away before i could graduate, and it was during the height of lockdowns, so i hadnt seen him in a while. i didnt go to visit him in the hospital, so theres always this feeling of "what if i had called more? what if i had tried harder to visit? what if i spent more time with him?" that doesnt really go away. and, as a kid of 2 immigrant families, i can also really empathize with feeling a disconnect from your culture--when ur not surrounded by ur parents culture but u also visibly dont look like ur "from" the one u were raised in, it can feel really alienating, even though you havent done anything except just. exist in this sort of inbetween?

all of this i guess is to say that, i put a lot of my own experiences into this fic. and it's almost relieving in a way to know that u saw what i put there, and that this experience is something that other people have felt as well. thank you so very much again for reading ;v;

[galvanizedfriend]

hii Yokan! i miss you!😭

how are you? how is work?? I hope everything is going well<3

rn there's a little Comic Con in my city, and it really did help my mood!! (even tho I throwed up 6 times and fainted during the morning of the first day due to the heat and lack of iron🥲) 2 days down, 2 more to go 🙏

ANYWAYS! I know you've been going through a writer's block lately, and I read a post that said something about asking/commenting about the fictions to help the "stucked" autor, SO!

I've been re-reading TW III (shocking, I know) and those little hints about married!kc are just 😭😭 my heart melts, really, although... I was never really sure you'd get them married, mostly due to Care's speech to Cami about how Klaus supposedly sees weddings, and because I remember you saying that you weren't planning on giving them an actual marriage, but rather the closest thing next to it. I checked to comments to see other thoughts, and I saw one of you reply saying that you were completely against married!kc at the start, but then you were slowing changing your mind about it...

so, what was it that made you say "fuck it, I'm gonna ring the bells"?? is it because many people asked you to do it, so you are throwing us a bone, or is it something else?? I'm really interest on hearing the process of your change of heart <3

have a good one, friend <3 love you xoxo

I don't know if I am eloquent enough or if my train of thought makes much sense, but I will try 😂

Also grab a chair because this will be a long one. Be careful what you ask me, I do not know how to shut the fuck up 🙃

Objectively, I still think Klaus is not the marrying kind (in canon context, at least). That man has been alive for a thousand years. He's the vampire of vampires, one who sees humans as a lower species. He's used to getting what he wants by conquering and subjugating because he can. Why would he ever submit himself to an inherently human institution that, throughout history, has served as a tool for various types of social, political and religious control? The ceremony itself doesn't mean anything to him. He probably thinks it's ridiculous and performative, not to mention extremely frail. You can just change your mind and get a divorce, or the good old spouse murder, and then what? What's even the point?

(Just to be clear: I'm not personally preaching against weddings and marriages here btw, it's just how I think Klaus might have seen it.)

If you look at it from the sentimental side, Klaus spent almost a thousand years saying that love is a sign of weakness, a character flaw. He carried his siblings, the only people he genuinely cared about, inside coffins because he didn't trust them enough not to leave him, betray him or end up captured and killed by one of his enemies. Now, why would he want to marry someone, thus exposing yet another vulnerability to be exploited?

Having said that 😂

When we first see Klaus in TVD he's trying to surround himself with a whole new OP supernatural species that will have no choice but to stand with him. They will protect him, they will go to war for him, do whatever he asks them to and they will never leave (or that's what he thought, anyway) because they don't have a choice. That is the only way Klaus knows how to trust people: by completely removing their capacity to challenge him. That's how paranoid he is.

But as the story progresses, and especially with The Wolf in particular because it takes their relationship much further than the show, Klaus realizes there is more than one way to earn people's trust. I feel like that's one of the pillars of his relationship with Caroline. He could've just compelled her (in TVD, not TW because she's a witch), but he never did because he wanted more from her than obedience. All of the things he liked about her - her personality, her honesty, her fire, her loyalty - would've been essentially erased or made meaningless if he'd compelled her. Which puts her in direct opposition to how he related to his hybrids, right? He pretends to be fine with people who have no choice but to follow him, but what he really craves is more real than that. He surrounds himself with people who will worship the ground he walks on after some forged "gratitude" for releasing them of their curse, but he is fascinated by how gutsy Caroline is to look him in the eye and tell him the things that no one else will dare to. What he really seeks but doesn't have the courage to admit is that he wants someone who will choose to be with him. And that's the difficult part, because it can't be conquered or taken, it has to be earned.

Klaus comes from a place of paranoia and extreme distrust of everything and everyone around him, especially after Mikael in New Orleans, and he feels very isolated and alone. He tells Stefan about that, right? The loneliness of immortality. When The Wolf starts, in spite of how he and Caroline were having a bit of a thing before it, he's not sure she would want to stay with him. Actually, he thinks the first chance she gets, she's gonna bail. It's why he's mad when he thinks she wants to terminate the pregnancy. It's not about the baby (it's never about the baby), he couldn't care less about the damn baby at that point, it's the fact that he thinks she's trying to get rid of him, as if that pregnancy is the one thing that is holding them together at that point and so if she's no longer pregnant, she doesn't have to be with him. What I'm very inarticulately trying to say is that his initial approach to Caroline being pregnant is the same he had with his hybrids, as if the baby is a version of a sire bond. It's crazy and dysfunctional, yes, but it's how Klaus rationalizes it, how he thinks he gets to keep people around him - either through daggering them or giving them no choice.

Slowly, Klaus internalizes the fact that Caroline is choosing him. She tells him that a few times throughout the story, and even when he's hallucinating her at the beginning of TW4, because that's something that she has said before and that has stuck with him for reason. She could've left him at any point, but she didn't because she wants to be with him. It's a choice that she has made not because he forced her to, but because she's in love with him. She protects him, she fights for him, she walks through hellfire for him because she wants to, not because she must. He has earned her trust and her love and her loyalty. And that is something that is new for Klaus in his one thousand years of life, at least at this magnitude and with this much clarity and certitude.

So I think when I started writing TW3, which was them in their domestic era, it started to feel like something Klaus might actually do. Not just because it obviously does mean something to Caroline and he would basically do anything for her (even though she never asks for it, which in itself is something, because Caroline comes from relationships that made her feel so insecure and unsafe that she would've held on to a ring like a lifeline, but with Klaus she simply does not need hard evidence to feel safe and reassured, she knows how Klaus feels about her, she's very comfortable in their relationship, she knows that what offers her means a lot more than a thousand weddings to other people ever would - even though she does still love a good wedding lol), but because it suddenly makes sense to him. Not the big party, or the tradition of it, or making it official or anything of the sort, but as a way to externalize what he feels. There is a symbolism to it that while not ideal, it might be the closest to thing to expressing just how devoted he is to her and how she is, pure and simple, eternity for him. When that comes from someone who has lived for as long he has, and who has been as cynical as he was for as long as he was, it does mean something, even if nothing else does.

There is a territorial factor to it as well, of course. 😌 He's a very possessive man and so he wants everyone to know Caroline is his, and it's why it first came to him during the thing with Jackson, but it's more than just that. If it was just about that, he wouldn't do it. He is at a point where he no longer has any doubts about how Caroline feels for him (although there will be a little something something on that front at the beginning of TW4, just because they've been apart for so long, but it will be quickly dispelled).

The most sacred thing for Klaus was the vow he took with his siblings when they fled Viking Falls. They stuck together through everything because of that. He knows the value of a vow and a promise. And he wants a version of that with Caroline. It's the first time in his life when he contemplates genuinely offering that to someone other than his family. There are a million ways he could go about it, probably, but he knows asking her to marry him is the one that will be most representative to her, because of the age where she was born and how she grew up, etc.

And so that is why I decided that Klaus was going to buy a ring even though I crossed my heart and hoped to die a million times for years when people asked me about that. 😂 I just think it's the natural course this story has taken. It's long enough that it eventually made sense to me that he might do it.

Does any of that make sense???? I don't know! I just typed my stream of thought and hoped for the best and now I'm afraid to read it again, so apologies if it's just crazy words.

Now if only I can get back to writing and actually get to that part. 🥲 Pray for me 🙏

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK! 🙃 Here have a pretty married Klaroline gif.

[11queensupreme11]

Hi Sweetie ❤️ Heard you were looking for some rankings, so here am I once again... Now that Bloodflood is on hold, let me gather my thoughts. How long can this get 😮‍💨...

First, the ranking based on the anime only:

1) Toji--> I know he's not part of the yanderes but hear me out THIS HOMELESS GROWN-ASS MAN HAS BEEN HAUNTING MY DREAMS, MY DAYS AND MY NIGHTS FOR ALMOST A YEAR, THIS IS NOT FUNNY ANYMOOOOOORE 😰.

2) Suguru--> Me trying my best not to cry seeing my all time favs not being included 🥲. Joke aside, really liked the fact he wanted to "mercy kill" Mizu cause he knew what it was like to be Satoru's prey. Really heartbreaking, my poor babies.

3) Choso--> Well... my type is hard working, muddy guy 😅. Finally we enter the yandere grounds 🥳. Fun Fact: Absolute first jjk man who stole my heart, seeing only 2min of him in season one.

4) Sukuna--> Me looking at my RoR Ranking with Shiva on top 👀💧. What can I say... Four-Armed Men=Best kind of Men, certified Monster-Lover here.

5) Yuuta--> My sweet cutie babyyyy 😭😭 made me scream when we saw him at the end of season 2 with his big ass weirdo eyes...

6) Satoru--> Well... I understand. He's like, bred to be perfect, but I never was any Gojosexual to be honest (all my homies love Toji-).

7) Megumi/Yuuji--> I love them as characters, really, but the ranking is mostly based on the HoRnY... they're adorable, but... not in a sexy kinda way?

8) Kashimo--> To be honest, like every character introduced during the Culling Games (the only exception being Gigami Chadguruma) , this one absolutely never impacted me in any kind of way. I'm utterly neutral about him. Nice buns tho.

That being said... oh boy, time for the Tsunami ranking!

(1) Megumi/Yuuji--> Look at my bois, how sweet they are😭. They climb at the top because I just reaally loved their interactions with Hime. They have yet to disappoint me, and I just feel they would treat her the "best" out of all the suitors. I could be wrong tho. Also the way you write Megumi😳, it made me realise the potential of HoRnY- Was wishing he would fu** her in front of Yuuta's camera-

(2) Sukuna--> I stayed up all night just to read your Shisui flashback. It may be my favorite segment of your story, how talented can you be? Ryomen Sukuna... he is the one who has the most reason to be obsessed with Mizuhime, he helps her with exorcism when Gojo puts her down, he has four arms 🤤... He could have been my favorite but to be honest, I feel like his ending would be the absolute worst for Mizuhime (being the King of Curses, the final antagonist etc...). And I just love her so very much, she needs at least one good ending 😭

(3) Choso--> Ok hear me out- I know I may be biased, we hadn't really seen him yet, but it seems he would be kinda like Yuuji. I think he could treat her well. And he's just so clueless, how cute🥺. I makes me wonder: would he be aware of Yuuji's love for Mizuhime? If so, would he try to be a good "big bro" and support his little brother, or would he be selfish and try to keep her for himself? (I think I already know the answer-)

(4) Satoru--> Like someone famous said: "Certified LoverBoy, Certified Ped******"! Maaaan, no wonder Hime wants him to stay in his box, he's so nasty🤣. Gross, disgusting, pathetic, obsessed, overpowered, terrifying... He's the worst, but he's so funny to read at the same time. Let's not even talk about his Heian counterpart... As I said, I never was a big fan of this character, but with all the Jjk fic I read, I can say your portrayal of Gojo is my favorite in all the FanficVerse. It may be the same with other characters, but especially for him. How dreadful, to be the object of obsession of the Strongest in the World... He is still at the bottom tho, we don't need this creep around Hime ever again.

(5) Kashimo--> I have no expectation with this one, as I've said earlier. The electricity power seems interesting, but honestly write him however you want. Seeing your blog he seems like a little shit too.

(6) YuUtA🤬--> Well... if you paid attention in the Pjo/RoR ranking, you already know where this is going. Don't you wonder, what's the point of the dual rankings anyway? I use this to compare how high can a character climb (Megumi/Yuuji, Loki) and how low can he fall. And man, HOW LOW DID YUUTA FALL. It breaks my heart because during the first part I was the biggest YuutaHime apologist. He has seen her fucked up family, he bought her books, plushies, he was sweeeet 😭... If he was a yandere "on his own", maybe I could have let it slide, but how can you go from "Damn Hime your relatives are a bunch of creepy weirdos" to "No u can't unfiance me uwu cause I'm ✨️Daddy's Special Boy in Law✨️" Do you know what happens when you do shit like that? I'm gonna tell you, you earn the [Whiny Little Bitch] stamp. Actually, maybe it was my fault. Shouldn't have put all my faith on the Panty Stealer to begin with. I may be harsher with him because, unlike Gojo or Sukuna, this kind of yandere is not cartoonish evil. The way he acts (manipulation, baby-trapping, forced union enabled by the relatives), it seems... way more realistic. It's not funny or entertaining, it's just... sad. I don't want my best girl to end up like the 2nd Sanyu. Not to say the way you wrote him is bad, it was the best to show us how much of a LOSER he is. My last words about him: I hope he dies in a meaningless way.

Well well well, that's quiet the long rant. I would like to have your thoughts about it. I know you're currently focused on Arsenic Blues (great last chapter btw, Nubby for life) but I really wanted to share with you my review about Tsunami. Really, your fics are the best stories I've read in a veryyy long time and it's the first time I ever interact with an author, so it means a lot to me. Hope you have a great day, week, month. U dropped this 👑

PS: Pls help me I'm gonna cry in non-english what's the difference between "tho", "though" and "thought"-

omg im so sorry, so "tho" is basically just a shorter way for me to type out "though" and it is not a real word, i'm just lazy LMAO i'm sorry!!!!

"though" is just another way of saying "despite the fact" and "however" -> "even though my mom was angry at me, we still went out to get ice cream!"

and "thought" has two meanings:

noun: an idea/opinion in your head -> "I had just had a thought!"

verb: the action of thinking -> "I thought my answer was wrong!"

NOW ONTO YOUR LIST

i was so shocked that gojo was ranked so high LMAO. I THOUGHT HIS NAME WOULD BE DEAD LAST!

though I can kinda get it since kashimo hasn't been introduced and he's kinda been... eh in the manga (sorry bro), BUT OMG YUTA IS LAST??? I wasn't expecting that. I thought he'd be second last with gojo as last 😂😂

but your explanation makes sense. yuta started out sooo cute (creepy though), and at first he was helping her with her dad....... only to become just like him.

and also "No u can't unfiance me uwu cause I'm ✨️Daddy's Special Boy in Law✨️" 😭😭😭😭😭

honestly, he might as well be calling susanoo "daddy" at this point with how much ass kissing he's been doing 😂😂😂

[zenia62]

Happy Birthday Daendels!! ✨️

I've been waiting for this day since last week 😭 Words can't explain how much I adore him 😫 He had helped me through my worst time, gave me new interest n many more. I remember first hearing his name in Grade 3 during history class. I used to hate him so much bcs everyone kept saying "He's bad, he killed so many people!" n I believed them. But during early pandemic, all of this turns out to be wrong n that he actually paid the workers but were corrupted by the local leaders. Keep in mind tho during this time I was on my crazy years 💀 its embarrassing to say it but basically I was in the era of where I hated the Netherlands so much that I refused to eat or do anything that was related to them. Safe to say that I'm no longer like that anymore haha 😆

Fast forward where I started grade 8, I started to drift away from my crazy mindset n got interested in the governor-general of the Dutch East Indies. Fun fact, I was intially interested in Johannes van den Bosch, one of the govenor-general that was also popular in Indonesia. I often make this gacha club group abt the governor-general consisting of 8 popular figure n one of them are Daendels. At first, I wanted to make their personality to be very accurate so I planned to research them one by one but guess what? That's when I got interested by Daendels 🫢

Eventually time passed n its been 4 almost 5 years since I first started researching him. But I took 2 years of hiatus bcs of a problem in school 😮‍💨 Js around this year is when I started to come back learning more abt Daendels. Even when I'm taking hiatus, my interest on him never disappeared somehow. Something abt him is unique. I always ask why to myself, now I think it's more abt on how he was treated by others. I could relate abit to him sometimes.

Daendels always had so many enemies. I feel like he have more of them than actual friends. His personality might not be the best, I have to admit he always strive for powers n respect, his anger issues is probably the main reason why he was hated alot. His life quite complicated in a way, so does his personality. But in my opinion, he deserves what he wants. He achieve many things in his life, gave everything he had n yet I often found him being overshadowed by others instead. His braveness is what makes him special. Some say he is as brave as Ney n a little bit smarter than him. Surprisingly, throughout the 20 ish battle he fought, he was never wounded despite always being in the front line. He took good care of his soldiers aswell. The discipline that he put on his soldiers can be quite harsh but he js want the best from them. I'm actually quite surprised that he's always against looting since those things can be very common back in the days. Perhaps he had his own reasons 😶 Lastly, his loyalty towards Napoleon were amazing, but sadly Napoleon himself doesn't seemed to care that much abt him.

In my opinion, Daendels deserved the rank of Marshal. I get that he have that title for only a couple of years but even after the Marshal of Holland title was abolished, he still deserves them. They only compesate him by giving him the legion of honor which I feel like it's not enough for him. Maybe the main problem is that Napoleon never knew him in person so he only see him through what his marshals told him which are probably bad since Brune n Augereau despise him.

At the end, I really wish I could've done more to show how much he meant to me. I wish I could visit his grave but it's far away. I made a promise to myself that one day, I should visit his grave in Ghana at least once before I die. His death made me cry ngl. Imagine suffering so much, no doctors can help him anymore, his two childrens there can only watch him as he took his last breath. Even then, his body wasn't even brought back to the Netherlands. Either it was his wish or no, I believe he deserved to at least be burried in the country he was born.

Thank you Daendels for everything. I hope you are happy now with your family up in heaven 🌙

Note :

Art was made by Devinobita. I commissioned this a month ago. Also by the time this post was posted, I'm kinda ill so posts might not be as consistent as usual. Sorry everyone :(

[supermaks]

i'm dying for the part 2 of the essential max verstappen races i've watched all the first 10 (teenage crime era) and now i need the rest!!

✨💘 part 1 💘✨💎🧨🌠part 3🗽🎯

Brazil, 2019 In part 1 I said Max always stunted in the US, but like both Americas have a crush on him. People like to yap about his 'luck' and how 'lucky' he is. Max bends luck to his favor with a crowbar if he has to and this race proves that. also shout out to Hannah she’s BEEN the best CS in F1 fr 🌻

Austria, 2019 yes honey, that Austria, 2019. First Honda powered win for red bull and it came on the back of a cracked out prancing horse. Lestappen had angry sex in front of 200000 orange shirts and we just let them

70th year anniversary GP, 2020 Set the scene: for 2020 mercedes has put thee most competent driver of all time behind the wheel of a Boeing 707. They say it's a car but its an airplane ok. So every race is basically like 2 hour long british orgasm ASMR. This one tho, this should've been the beans and toast equivalent to Beyoncé at the superbowl. This should've been their Homecoming. They got 2 races in the calendar for the 1st time, it's F1's birthday, Lewis is driving a commercial airplane, it's happening during peak covid because their prime minister is insane, period. They had it all. Except, it was kinda warm out. And Max Verstappen noticed. Whole british empire vs one man's inability to not be the moment. Guess who won

Emilia Romagna, 2021 emilianos first victory of his maiden title year , and a race I remember watching and thinking. oh okay. so it’s time. With Max, even as a baby fan of both him and Lewis, I was always kinda like, waiting for the dog fight. And finally, lil bro has the car. Everything else was already in place. If u do watch my dumb list in order, which I recommend u do, u can actually c him get ready for 2021 over the years. His starts, and especially this one, become flawless, he has somehow learned how to manage his tires and dominate races in lesser machinery ((we dont talk about it enough. max has won races every single season he's driven in f1. every rbr car he's ever had, he got it home. that's a shooting star fr. thats a once in a lifetime.)) , he's patient, and still uncompromising, still unflinching. He's ready. We were not tho lmfaooo

Zandvoort, 2021 baby boys first home gp win. a lovely lil watch to feel warm and fuzzy inside and also just like watch him be the best driver on the grid at home

Russia, 2021 p20 to p2. Max in the rain, u already know wtf is going ONNN. A race for the GP girlies. SOOO so dope to watch a driver and an engineer orchestrate a comeback of that level in real time. A true privilege and I mean it wholeheartedly. I think GP and Max are soulmates like professionally. Also literally the funniest thing in the world when they're pulling into their lil positions after the race and my fav old man Lewis does a double take like that better not be who I think it is 😭

USA, 2021 listennn. it's 2021. I can't mention Max without mentioning Lewis. They took each other to realms of racing that F1 didnt even remember existed. When I tell u these bitches were 40 seconds ahead of everybody else. 40 seconds. In 2021. But yuh, the blond one set a purple sector with like 100 lap old tires to defend that win. 2021 was just very kind to the Circuit. Sexy sexy race

Jeddah, 2021 well if he's just some guy why does his pussy pop so severely. 😐 No F1 driver will ever serve cunt the way Max served cunt in Jeddah. Driver of the day for no reason other than pure fucking headassery. They said u can't move the culture by losing and that white man said hold on. That quali lap almost put a child in me. I am so sorry

((lil bonus from Zandvoort, 2022 like shut up imagine doing this to lewis hamiltondfmsnfksdlkjf))

Japan, 2022 2nd title win. And fittingly so, he would've lapped the whole field if the race had been completed in its full distance. 1 second faster than everybody else, still improving at the end. But its his recovery at the start that I wanna highlight here. On a wet track, awful conditions, mf sent it outside of t1 around sharl, not because he had to, not because his championship was on the line, but because he could. He went for it, no hesitation. Nobody else would go for a move like that. First, because they wouldnt be able to do it. Its an overtake that requires a control of the car that is left to the Hamiltons and Verstappens of this world. U put a wheel wrong and you’re done. Second, it just wasnt worth it. Rb was a rocket anyway, he would've gotten the lead back eventually. But that is not who Max is. Max refused to give up the lead for even a second. It has nothing to do with having a dominant car, its about racing. Max will always, always go racing. And I love him for it.

ty for reading 💝 I hope that u can return to these races again and again and find joy in watching our fav public enemy number one do his thing. He’s very good at it

[n0wav]

Pinkerton appreciation

HELLO CHATTERS!!!

Today i did what i do on almost a weekly basis, which is to listen to pinkerton. i was in a good mood listening to this very awesome album... UNTIL! i noticed something that somewhat upset me not really but its really interesting.

you see back in the 90s pinkerton wasn't loved as much as blue album because it's messy dark and emo and not silly fun power pop like blue. it wasn't till many years later that pinkerton the the love and appreciation it deserved. Although it isn't nearly as popular as blue, green, or even make believe (really only because of Beverly hills), it is still very loved by weezer fans now.

Today while looking through the deluxe version i realized that "I just through out the love of my dreams" is more popular than any of the songs on the normal non deluxe album. Now don't get me wrong its a really good song (although this cover of the song is kinda better imo :3) and i do really enjoy it, i do feel like its a repeat in history.

now if you don't know what i mean by this repeat in history, i will shift the attention for a short moment to another band, PAVEMENT!!!

one side note i think is funny is that back when weezer started, people called them cheesy pavement rip-offs... just something i remembered!

pavement is an awesome band and they will get another post out of me at some point of me writing on this tumblr blog, but in the mean time... Pavement has always been relatively popular in indie rock circles, but nothing exceeds the popularity they got when harness your hopes blew up like crazy on tiktok, making it their most popular song on streaming services by a very large margin. AND Just like i just threw out the love of my dreams, harness your hopes is also a B-side that randomly got popular from social media.

Don't get me wrong I'm not upset at all, to be honest i don't care that much like it really isn't that deep, i just think its interesting how common this is, where a song from an older band gets big thanks to social media, more specifically tiktok.

The only thing i do wish is that people listened to more of the bands music rather than just listen to the one song they know, but then again i just realized not everyone is as obsessed with music as i am lol.

Back to pinkerton

i LOVE pinkerton, i def like it more than blue album, which isn't much of a hot take since the weezer fandom has been split on which album is better for prolly 2 decades at this point. For me the album is just more up with the kinda music i listen to, while being very different at the same time. the way the album starts with the synth, and you automatically hear the raw and underproduced sound this album has.

aside from the sound, i just personally kinda relate to some of the songs, maybe not the weird parts... but def many of the bit more normal ones.

With tired of sex, I have definitely grown tired of having relationships with people where there's no actual relationship or connection at all. for a long time i really didn't know who i am (weezer reference).

getchoo is hard for me to analyze or related it to anything so i will skip that one (good song tho)

no other one hit pretty hard home for me. i've been in pretty shitty relationships with people who treat me like shit, hence the shittiness, and for some reason i didn't leave because i didn't think i could do any better and that nobody knows me like her, that we're all we got and we don't wanna be alone (weezer reference).

why bother? is me when I'm scared to make relationships and friendships with basically anyone because of my fear that whoever i talk to will eventually not like me and abandon me, to where in my head i will think "why bother? its gonna hurt me. it's gonna kill when they desert me. It's already happened to me twice before. it wont happen to me anymore." (weezer reference)

i only semi relate to across the sea because i've e-dated as a young child on discord.... next song (still a good song)

the good life is me too because i used to be really cool and leave my house a lot and play shows and have lots of friends and just do things that aren't me sitting at home doing nothing being a pig and a dog (weezer reference). it is def time i got back to the good life (weezer reference) But to be fair i don't really want to go back to that time i just wanna be a normal person again.

i don't really relate to el scorcho much but its still an awesome song.

pink triangle is me because I've dated girls who turned out to be a lesbian but trust me i didn't turn them, they were already lesbian before we started dating i don't know why they started dating me maybe because I'm not very masculine so they thought it would be fine. (note that i didn't know they were lesbian till after we would break up)

i put falling for you in a mixtape i made my ex. whenever i would hear that song i would think of her because its how i felt about her. i was afraid of falling for her, but in the end i just wanted to settle down with her (weezer reference)

I don't relate to butterfly either but it is a really really good song

as you can see i really like pinkerton and relate to it very much. it is prolly one of my favorite albums of all time no doubt

this is the end of the post

we love pinkerton

pinkerton is our everything

here's a song rec from the album pinkerton by weezer

thanks for reading my weezer rant! idk what i will post about next but we will see!

Goodbye!!!! :3

[chuluoyi]

I agree with what the previous anon said... don't get me wrong, I love a good smut read every now and then, but I'd also like different genres of fanfiction, especially when it comes to Satoru.

A while back around 2021, there was a lot of good fanfiction about Genshin Impact. I love a lot of them and still do, but most of the authors have already gone on a hiatus or even deleted their pages...

That's why I adore you and your writings a lot Chuu, it's definitely what I've been deprived of for almost 2 years now. I hope you continue writing stories. If you're ever down, just remember your good ol' Rosette Anon is always happy reading each and every one of your works!

- 🏵️ Anon

oh i know those good times🥹 i used to be just a reader too back in 2021, and yes fics back then were so good like hurt/comfort especially :’) i love hurt/comfort that just hits right in the feels🤧

and oh, rosette nonnie, i’m so honored that you think so🥲 you don’t know how much it means to me!🥺

again, this is not in any way to shade anyone and make my blog look good—i write smut too and i know the traction it gets. just that sometimes even i’m tired of it and come to this realization🤧

i think there are still hidden gem fics out there tho if we keep digging through :’D thank you too nonniee 🩵

[charbies]

been having a tough time.. stuff about it under the cut

writing a stream of consciousness about the past few months. I've been really depressed. I kept getting burned out from my job almost monthly, but could bounce back when I took a little time off. Then midway through the summer, it's like I just got stuck and couldn't get.. unstuck. by fall I had a full blown depressive episode; in september I could admit I was depressed, in october I went on medication for it, and by the time november came around it felt like there was no end in sight. Fall is my favorite time of year, and I felt like I was in a fugue state and missed it because I barely existed.

the ways this showed up in my body are unlike anything I ever experienced in my life before and that was terrifying. my head and body ached like I was coming home from war every day. I was falling asleep at the wheel, and it was a recurring pattern; my body was shutting itself off when the thought of what I'd have to deal with at work was becoming too much. I burst into tears whenever I saw my friends post pics hanging out and wished I could live closer and see them more. I felt so overwhelmed and empty, I needed everything to stop and I wanted to disappear.

my job is fucking hard. I try not to talk about it on here, but I work with people who are hurting and traumatized. I regularly have to tell them when I believe the choices they're making are going to wind up killing them. I have to tell them the last things they want to hear and still hope they trust me. The average burnout rate at my job is 2 years, I've been there for 16 months. I'm 24 and the youngest one there by a long shot. I know I'm good at what I do, but still feel way in over my head, I feel like I don't get to be my age. I've thought about quitting but I don't think I have it in me to leave and start over somewhere new just yet, not now. I feel trapped because as hard as the work is, I get way better amenities there than at most other places; this place is basically as good as it gets where I live and it's still killing me.

even tho I know how severe things were getting, I feel so guilty for ways I fell off the face of the earth. I stopped talking to friends, family, coworkers, pretty much everyone. I bailed on linktober and a bunch of other art projects I lined up and thought I had the energy to pull off. In general I just feel like a failure even though I know that isn't true.

I broke down hard and took a leave of absence, I get a few weeks off from my job. I've been off for 10 days and as badly as I've wanted to draw the idea also makes me want to jump out of my skin. So I'm taking time and hoping it comes back while I pull myself together.

I could use some advice or wisdom from anyone who has been through this in any capacity. Even silly stuff in my inbox would make my day. Tumblr was my comfort place when I was a kid and I think it will do me good to be able to look back on this post after I've worked through this and I'm doing better. Thanks for reading all of this if you did, it means a lot <3

[omgcatboi]

I love being in a feedist relationship, but it is always a thing where the partner feels like they are almost humoring me? Albeit, they have always been enthusiastic to "let themselves go" and be spoiled with food, but it would be nice to find someone who gets sexually excited over the overindulgence and gaining (especially when I love to cook and haven't had a relationship yet where my partner hasn't gained over 100 pounds in a matter of months).

I am once again giving my feedee insight that no one asked for away for free.

I've been seeking a feedism relationship for quite some time now. But it's hard to find someone who has a hot dynamic with me who doesn't live ten billion light-years away. I gotta have somethin irl lol. And admittedly, it takes a good chunk of getting to know one another before I even consider someone a relationship option.

Or worse, someone on meet up apps that just want to ' feed and fuck ' me. As if I'd ever meet up with anyone for the first time with sexual intentions when I'm demi / ace and only have sex with people I know and connect with on a personal level.

I currently live with someone who totally understands feedism, but we aren't in a relationship. It's more developed into a friendship. I met them mere months ago, and I'm glad things are workin out so well.

So I get you. I'm kind of? In a simulator situation?

In the since of " these are both feedism related things that are good but on a more platonic level "

So I currently relate in my own way lol.

I guess it really comes down to what you want. Do you want a relationship where there isn't sexual excitement coming from the other person in relation to your ( assumably ) main kink / life style ?

Because look, I'm gonna level with ya, only one of my relationships had feedism elements. And tho I was super asexual / sex repulsed at the time, it was still the most memorable relationship I've had to this day. Infact, it was so fun because of that aspect, that I downright refuse to date someone who isn't a feeder, or at the very least, a fat admirer. It was just too fun goin' on fast food runs at 2 AM and piggin' out together while they rubbed my belly.

Once I get a lil taste of heaven, I refuse anything else. Once I know I can have something I want, I make it for myself. So to me, the patience is worth it. I've been single for what feels like forever, but that's what happens when you're picky lol.

By all means, if you love this person, and you think they are worth keeping, then do that if ya want. If you're monogamous, then it's your decision to make.

If your relationship is non monogamous, however, I don't see any problem at all except that yer missin' a feedee in the equasian.

Remember to not settle while also keeping a realistic mindset on what you want. It's possible to do both. I hope your situation gets more favorable in terms of figuring out a romantic/ sexual outlet for feedism.

Bc you're right to imply the difference between a chubby person eating Because they're in a relationship where it's ok to " let urself go " and a feedee who genuinely loves every aspect of gaining, not just the free pass to eat whatever we want. Because we do that regardless, we don't feel the need to have permission to indulge and allow our frames to wear the result as a trophy.

Two totally different vibes. Two completely different dynamics.

This is a common thing I've seen with feedism friends, and I don't really understand how it's so common. But feeders / feedees be gettin in relationships with normies. Which is fine, but at the same time... Ya know what ya want.

It's exactly why I refuse to date someone who isn't also passionate about this life style. Especially since I'm going to end up being immobile and will need a caretaker at some point.

[siriusly-sapphic]

thoughts on nobleflower i need to know i have so much in my brain

Oh oh oh! Yes!

Okay so I'm a little sick and my thoughts about anything Narcissa femslash related are usually already all over the place so? Bear with me while I type this on my phone?

First: let me establish the specific setting. Since I tend to mess about with Narcissa's age a little depending on the ship bc the canon Black family tree is a right mess that I've decided I can do whatever I want with. For alicissa tho, I tend to just go with Narcissa being 4/5 years older than the marauders, and Alice being like a year older than Narcissa.

And as for any Narcissa headcanon I have, I'm writing this with the idea of trans!narcissa in mind, though it works very similarly if you imagine her as cis. If you want more context for how I see trans!narcissa in canon compliant settings, I have a 7K meta post here but it's not necessary for this (I just like linking it).

Also we're going with some canon compliancy here. No happy endings today.

So.

Alicissa is one of those ships that, for me, starts out genuinely cute. Like... dorcissa starts out as denial and rivalry, narlily can end cute but starts messy. Alicissa starts sweet. It starts hopeful.

It starts in an icecream shop.

I'd say it starts the summer before Narcissa's 5th year, which is the time I headcanon she comes out as trans and has begun her transition. Which means 1. She is quite terrified of making 'another' mistake to embarrass her family and 2. The scariest moments of her life have just been blasted over Witch Weekly and the Daily Prophet. She is scared, she's being very brave about it, and she gets mean when she's nervous. (Well. Meaner than usual.)

Alice has a type of girl she loves and that type is brave and mean and a little sassy.

So you know, when Narcissa comes into Florean Fortescue's, ignores all the stares she gets, and gets snappy when Alice teases her about mint-chocolate chip being the worst flavour to order.... what choice does she really have except to fall in love right then and there?

And I think on Narcissa's side, developing any crush on a girl will always come with a bit of angst. Because from the moment she transitions, she has a very clear path in mind of what to do and what to be in order to make her family proud of them again. (I could go into more detail, but honestly for that if you're interested see the meta linked above.) And dating girls... not a part of that plan.

But she wants to.

And Alice makes it easier to be brave.

They're prefects in different years and different houses and they're good at keeping secrets and Narcissa can get Kingsley, the head boy, to move the prefect schedule so that she and Alice have rounds together. (She knows that Kingsley's into Rodolphus Lestrange like no other, and like I said. She can be a little mean.)

And I think that for that first year. The first two years, even, when they’re still at school and life hasn't gotten quite so tainted with war yet? They're happy. And they're cute. And it feels good. Like it can last.

It can't. Obviously.

One headcanon is that Narcissa starts struggling in school bc yknow she's going through some shit, and maybe there's a subject or two she's never been a natural at and is now falling behind in, and it just so happens that Alice is really good at that. So they can meet publicly in the library while Alice tutors her and Narcissa struggles to get over her embarrassment for needing a tutor.

Narcissa has only ever missed one quidditch game (she hates the game, but her best friends are the Lestrange brothers (oh yes that gets painful later) and they play on the team, sonshe has to go). That's the game Alice convinces her to come into the Gryffindor common room while everyone is gone and they make out in front of the fireplace.

They almost get caught. Narcissa avoids her for about a week. They never take that risk again.

And then the war. Alice graduates first, and I see her as being quite determined to make a difference in the war and unsure how to do it. Obviously the Order is a very secret organisation, and she doesn't know about it immediately, so she becomes an auror.

That's also where she meets her future husband Frank Longbottom (bless that man).

Meanwhile Narcissa is a seventh year, her best friends are losing their parents and are drowning in it and she is trying to balance NEWTs and helping the Lestrange twins and the ever important thing of Not Disappointing Her Parents (Again).

I think, however unjustly so, she starts blaming it on Alice for leaving. Which is obviously not actually Alice's fault bc that's just how gradustion works, but it's easier to blame a girl with who it never could've worked out (and maybe shouldn't have worked out as long as it did), than it is to realise that this is just a shitty collection of circumstances. Or worse, to blame her family. She can never blame her family. (She feels she owes her family too much to blame them)

So by the time Narcissa graduates, she's planning an engagement with Rabastan Lestrange that will fall through soon enough and she hasn't told Alice about yet. Alice, at that point, is an auror who's working together with Frank and feels so very betrayed when she does find out about Narcissa's engagement.

It's one of those things that has always been inevitable. But that Alice couldn't help but secretly hope wouldn't happen anyway.

And I think that's where it goes wrong.

Because Alice tells her not to marry Rabastan, around the same time that Rabastan is trying very hard to destroy everything good in his life because grief isn't kind, and Narcissa is the best damn thing to have happened to him. Druella Black ("you should do better than a miserable second son"), Alice Fortescue ("just get away from all of it"), and Rabastan Lestrange ("why are we bothering anyway?") himself, all tell her to break off an engagement that brought her SO much joy when it became reality.

And so Narcissa decides to hate all of them for it.

Except she can’t. Obviously. But she decides she does anyway.

Because Druella is still the mother she wants to be proud of her, and Rabastan is still her best friend who she wants to protect, and Alice is still the first person she ever really fell in love with. She can’t hate them. But she wants to.

But I think that strains alicissa's relationship a lot. Because it shows that Narcissa isn't just mean, she can be cruel and delusional. And it makes it clear that it doesn’t really matter how much Narcissa loves Alice (because she does. She really does.) Because as brave as Narcissa can be, she's a scared young woman who seeks to protect herself. And protecting herself in pureblood society means marrying a suitable pureblood wizard. It doesn’t mean running away with a halfblood witch and hoping life turns out alright.

Narcissa has always protected herself by planning ahead and following her plan. Alice doesn’t fit into that. And Alice isn't the type of woman who will wait around to see if Narcissa's plans change.

So when Narcissa gets engaged to Lucius Malfoy, and her happy and perfect smile is all over the Daily Prophet, Alice accepts Frank's invitation for a date.

And for a while that's that.

There's some looks, because Frank is a Longbottom and while he's on his way to become a traitor, his great aunt was a Black and he still gets invited to notable pureblood events. Not for long, but long enough. There are some strained conversations and longing glances and even, once or twice, guilt-ridden hookups when their respective husbands are out.

Alice feels a whole lot more terrible about that than Narcissa does. She loves Frank. I swear she does.

Alice is a renowned auror and joins the Order and is a genuine danger to any death eater who comes her way. Narcissa is terrified every day that her husband might die at her lover's hands — or god forbid the other way around.

Alice grows to hate Narcissa during that war. Because how dare she attend charity galas to safekeep the victims of a war, when she damn well knows it's her friends and family waging that war. The hypocrisy and the cruelty too much.

Alice likes her women brave and a little mean. Not cowardly and cruel.

They become mothers around the same time. Two months apart. When they’re both pregnant, they see each other occasionally in the same maternity shops and healer waiting rooms. There's a kinship there and this very strong desire for a closer bond, that ultimately can't withstand the hatred and the mistrust that the war and Narcissa's choices have brought upon them.

And then the war is over.

Narcissa and Lucius manage to escape any time in azkaban. Alice and Frank can finally settle and mourn their loved ones. All four of them can look at these beautiful young boys in their arms and hope with all their might that their lives will be easier.

(It’s unclear when the attack on the Longbottoms happened. We know it happened after the war, and we know it happened when people had just begun feeling safe again. We know there was enough time for Crouch sr to start greying by the time the Lestranges were put on trial.)

But that wrecks Narcissa.

I wanna say that Alice and Narcissa stopped actively seeing each other when the war ended. Alice doesn't want to have an affair when she is genuinely happily married and she has a son. Maybe she's trying for a second child.

But Narcissa’s best friends in the world. The family I tend to describe as "what the Potters and James were to Sirius, the Lestranges and Rodolphus were to Narcissa". And her sister. Two of whom knew just how fucking important Alice Fortescue was to Narcissa, once upon a time.

I genuinely don't think Narcissa believed it, when the Lestranges were first accused of that crime. I don't think she wanted to believe them capable of it. And when it turned out to be true.... I have so many thoughts about that connection I could fill another and longer post. But it wrecks her.

Narcissa only visits Alice once.

It's under the guise of "seeing what her sister has done, to put it behind her". Augusta Longbottom is there, in absolute pieces because her only son is gone. Neville is there, Draco's age. Alice doesn't recognise her. Narcissa thinks it might be better that way.

Narcissa just really doesn't belong there. And she doesn't belong there because of her own choices, her own mistakes. And I think that realisation breaks her even further.

Only one of them remembere what they used to be, and Narcissa selfishly wishes that it wasn't her.

Okay and this is getting long so. The rest is just little moments of pain. Draco writing home about how stupid this Longbottom kid is? The absolute guilt of knowing her darling boy is bullying the son of the woman Narcissa loved most? Post war, when maybe Neville is old enough to want to know more about Alice and find out that there aren’t many people alive who remember Alice when she was young. But Narcissa does.

And don't even get me started on the Lestranges escaping Azkaban. That's agony right there. I have no time. But also I have SO many thoughts and all of them heard more than the other so one day I'll inflict them on others.

This became so long I'm sorry lmao, but I hope you like the thoughts. This is why happier fix it AUs exists.

[cleoselene]

All The Concerts!

my mom wrote down every concert she's ever been to and it's a LOT, like in the triple digits

and it got me thinking if I could name every concert I've ever been to? I am fearful I might forget some tho my MS memory sucks but here goes:

New Kids on the Block

Boyz II Men/MC Hammer

Tori Amos (x7)

Switchblade Symphony

KMFDM with Nivek Ogre

VNV Nation (x2)

Air Supply (x2)

Terri Clark (lol I hated country when my family dragged me to this one, I was in my peak Snob Goth era)

Garth Brooks (happened much later when I had learned to embrace country)

Peter Cetera

Sarah McLachlan

The Editors

Radiohead (i hated this hahah, it was so fucking boring like their music. My friend bought the tickets and I had hoped seeing them live would make it click. It did not. I was bored and cold because it was raining in Seattle)

Coldplay (was so much better than Radiohead, seethe snobby indie rock fans)

Regina Spektor

The Decemberists (literally the worst concert I've ever seen. Again I did not buy the tickets but my friend who liked going to indie rock shows always bought two tickets in hopes of getting a date and I was her backup if she didn't. To be clear even though this and Radiohead sucked, I did have a great time with my friend both times)

Cake

George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic

Puscifer

Barry Manilow

ummm now I'm drawing a blank but I KNOW I've been to more shows and the stupid brain damage is making me forget. I've always been to see a fuck ton of tribute bands at this supper club, and tbh they were almost all really good. The Pink Floyd one especially. Also lol in middle school once this club I was in had a band come perform and they were like... a hair metal Christian band that took mainstream rock songs like "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi and changed the lyrics to like... "LIVING 'CAUSE I PRAAYYYY" and it was fucking hilarious. It's driving me crazy tho because I know there are more actual real concerts I am forgetting -_-

so i guess if you count all the artists I saw multiple times, it comes to... *maths* 28 concerts? Which tbh does not feel like nearly enough.

on the bucket list:

Vienna Teng

Brandi Carlile

Portishead (lol this will never happen but a girl can dream)

Beyoncé

Taylor Swift

TOOL

A Perfect Circle

The Amazing Devil (which is somehow even less likely than Portishead)

SO I'LL MAKE THIS A MEME. Tell me which concerts you've been to, and tell me which concerts you feel like you MUST see before you die. @deathinthesun @an-ivy-covered-summer @swiftzeldas @sylvieons and whoever else wants to do it~

I did get Taylor tickets last year HOWEVER they were... beyond atrocious, the seats. Like, upper upper deck, BEHIND the stage with like no visibility, not even of the screens, because again: BEHIND. I had like three people trying to get tickets that day and 2/3 of us failed but my friend succeeded and she was like "do you want me to buy these? they're upper deck" and I was like yeah yeah that's okay! We can look at the screens! And then I saw the "OBSTRUCTED VISIBILITY" thing and looked at the layout and I was like...kind of devastated, honestly? It's really hard for me to do an outing like that physically, it was outdoors in April (which translates to HOT in Florida) and I just didn't see myself able to endure 5 or 6 hours at minimum in the heat without like, passing out and dying. Not to mention I'm still really scared of being in a large space with that many people because my disease-modifying drug destroys most of my immune system. I ended up selling them, and... buying my vinyl collection lol. Taylor got a lot of that money again because I bought a lot of her records. I'm kind of bummed that maybe I missed my chance forever, but again, I don't think I could have physically swung it. Plus, of the three nights she did Tampa, the show I was supposed to go to had meh surprise songs while the other 2 nights had AMAZING ones, so I know I would have been salty about that too. ONE DAY THO.

[izzy-b-hands]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @sherlockig, thank u Alexz!!

Under the cut bc I got wordy and rambly as per usual lol.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Kind of? In that I more or less named myself after Izzy from our flag lol. Not that I'm going to tell everyone I meet that, but it is a big part of why I stuck with it after trying it out (that, and I've always wanted a name that had the letter zed in it, silly as that may seem.)

One of my middle names (that I had been using as a first name for a few years) is after my grandfather and aunt who also have that name as their middle name.

My deadname was after an actress famous in the 90s (tho tbh my mum apparently didn't choose it for that, she chose it bc she didn't find out my gender until I was Out and then was like 'aw fuck I don't have a name for this situation' and went with the first one she saw in a book of names a nurse gave her. It was only after that she remembered the actress when I was like. 4. that she changed and started telling ppl it was after that instead.)

And technically Holden is after the book character, but mum never actually read that book (and after I described it to her, said she has no interest in doing so lmao), she just liked how the name sounded and that was the one solitary name she for sure had on hand when I was born apparently. Could have saved us all time had she just used that one for me anyway!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Couple of nights ago. I'm doing better abt missing my cat Nisha, but my phone will toss up compilations of pics of her to mark the year/month/etc and sometimes those still get me. It popped up just before I went to bed that night and I was already so tired that I just. broke down. Bc I know she's v loved and looked after w/my mum, but I do miss her goofy lil self a lot. She was my first cat that was given to me and meant to be mine alone, and there's something abt that first pet bond I guess.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope, and it's not a likely thing for me. I've said before that that happening would be in a very specific situation, wherein I'm with someone who wants to dedicate the rest of our lives to raising a child, or god forbid more than one, tho I think I'd max out at two if I managed one at all tbh (and that's not even getting into the very complex for me thing of would I want to actually be pregnant ever (probably not, absolutely terrified of dying in childbirth and don't see myself getting over that easily), we have the funds to make that happen (and give the kid a good life, not just a decent one or 'could have been worse' like my own), and we feel stable mentally, emotionally, and physically (as much as one can outside of Life Happening of course) bc having a kid means putting allll of that first for them, ahead of yourself. Or at least I think it should mean that lol.

But that situation is incredibly unlikely considering my bigger goal in life is to wind up being a third for multiple couples while also fucking any of my friends who are down for it in a big poly ENM sort of thing for lack of better/more detailed definition (I know it sounds unrealistic and maybe it is to a degree, almost definitely is lol.)

I can admit I just. don't want to uproot the life I've been trying so hard to build for myself in so many ways, to have kids. I'll happily help babysit the kids of any friends tho and be the fun uncle that buys them junk food and lets them stay up late to watch movies. I think that's about the level of parenting of any kind that I can handle for now (also tbh I burned out on parenting bc my family admits they parentified the fuck outta me with my three younger cousins. It by far could have been worse, but I spent my teens spending most of my days after school helping look after them from the newborn years and on. Unless my above uber specific scenario happens, then I've probably had my fill of parenting for my lifetime.)

4. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played volleyball for a few years in elementary school, and we were made to participate in a multi-school track and field thing for most of middle school every year, but I was never amazing at them. Housemate and I have figured out I likely have undiagnosed asthma tho (turns out running or going out in too cold or hot weather shouldn't instantly make you gasp, struggle to breathe, and make you taste iron in your mouth, who the fuck knew? Not me, genuinely) so I think that might have a lot to do with it.

I also enjoy tennis and badminton and would love to try rugby, but I've never played any of those beyond a hobby with family/friends.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I do! Probably too much and not always in the best situations, but I've been working for years to hone when and where it should be used so I think/hope I'm a lot better with it than I was when I was younger. Tho even then, I did get adults who found it funny when I was sarcastic bc of how adult I seemed to a lot of them (their words, not mine lmao.)

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

I genuinely don't know. Usually I'm too busy running my script for meeting new ppl in my head and trying to maintain Common and Expected Etiquette to really notice much right away. I have found that after a bit of time/after the initial meeting has passed, I tend to notice colours ppl wear more often than others if I see them often enough, or hair colour. But I don't know if it counts towards this question at that point lol.

7. WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Kinda blueish grey? Some ppl say it's too grey to be blue, others that it's too blue to be grey. I had a lady at the ND DOT freak out abt not being sure if I should have blue or grey on my ID a few years back, and she finally just told me to put blue so 'she could stop feeling so confused.' Was a weird day and the first time I realised apparently they really do have a blend of both colours, enough for it to be upsetting lmao.

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I can't choose between the two; I like both! I also like mixing them together when I write (a scary story with a happy ending, an ending that seems happy but is actually terrifying, so on and so forth.)

9. ANY TALENTS?

Writing? Maybe, I always list it bc it's something I know how to do and to (usually) do decently well. I can sort of draw? But not well enough that I think 'talented' would be accurate to describe how I draw lol. I'm not sure of anything else off the top of my head tbh.

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In California, USA! We were there bc dad was in basic training for the Marines and then just got stuck at Camp Pendleton for years lmao (or that's how he always talks abt it anyway lmao.) Only was actually there until either: a. I was 3 months old, b. I was 6 months old or c. I was actually basically still a fresh newborn. Depends on whether you're talking to my dad, mum, or grandparents as to which answer you get, and at this point I'm genuinely uncertain as to exactly when mum left and took me to North Dakota but 6 months seems the most potentially accurate lmaooo.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, drawing, reading (not enough but I'm trying to remedy that), napping, watching movies/fave shows, and giffing.

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Kind of? My cat Nisha had to stay in North Dakota after I moved, so my mum and her bf are looking after her now (and got her a little sister, a kitten who is getting so big already!, named Bella.) I help Housemate look after aer two cats as well, and I'd like to think the boys consider me like their fun uncle lol (aka I bend over backwards for them and let them steal my spot on the couch all the time, and will break out the treats if needed to corral them now and then. In my defense: they are the cutest lil baby boy cats and they deserve the world, even when they're being little gremlins lmao.)

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

Approximately somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4ish? I can't recall the last time I was actually measured, and most of the ppl I've been around were somewhere between those heights and I'm usually either slightly shorter or slightly taller than some of them, so??? I put 5'3 on my ID tho lol

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

English bc it was easy and I liked almost everything we did in that class. All my general and more specific history courses were a close second, and my foreign language classes a close third.

15. DREAM JOB?

Ideally, I'd love to not have to work. But who wouldn't, so that said, probably something in a library or museum. I'd love to be a library page again, or help work the front desk/docent duties of a museum. Working at someplace like Mystic Seaport would be amazing too; I'd be happy to learn how to help repair/repaint ships that come in or just help do tours or look after artifacts and stuff (tbh they could hire me just to type up any random data entry work they need done for any/all depts and I'd say yes to the job offer lol.) Unfortunately there's fairly significant roadblocks to me achieving any of these jobs rn, but I like to keep them in mind, just in case.

Also, if I can have one dream job that would be even more unlikely and is slightly TMI probably but: paid third for a rich couple. I show up, look nice, [redacted], make sure they're both good for the night, then go back home to Housemate (if it wouldn't be a night they'd want me to stay over, which I wouldn't be against but also. That would require some overtime pay lol.) The chances of this one are...so unlikely it's stupid funny, but a man's allowed to have dreams right lmao?

Tagging (if u guys wanna, no obligation if u don't wanna/have already been tagged/etc!!): @starmoonchildfromthebeamsabove, @freebooter4ever, @willowenigma, @turtleduck-tales, @mash1972, @mysteriouslybluepirate, @turtles-on-turts, @cononeillbreastingboobily, @treesofgreen, @dianetastesmetal, @arsenicflame, @gydima, @king-bussy, @p0ochy, @crvwly, and anyone else following me who wants to!