#also bit personal but why do i always feel like i need to justify myself anytime i post doodles 😭😭😭

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

While I can't do any proper drawings, I dug around in my old hetalia art folders to find that stash of romacan doodles I made back in 2017ish that i mentioned the other day

Is it cringe? Yes absolutely. That's the end of that statement 🥲

As much as I'm cringing, I still wanted to post them bc they're also kinda cute 😅 I'm thinking of redrawing a few of these when I can get back to my desk potentially? Nice to do some hetalia art that isn't technically au stuff lol

[fingertipsmp3]

If anyone here keeps a reading/book journal what do you dooo. I feel like I’ve tried multiple options and none of them have really been perfect

[eu-nicola]

the finish line part 3

summary: you are the girlfriend of Lando Norris, Max Verstappen's rival with whom the tension between the two is undeniable.

warnings: nothing

word counter: 6122

author's note: english is not my first language, penultimate part

tags: @ferakillia @bunnies-p1tst0p @maluzets55

Determined to work things out, you called Lando and asked to speak in person. Even though deep down you already knew it would be a difficult and probably painful conversation, you also knew you couldn’t keep running away from your problems. Lando agreed to meet you at the hotel cafeteria, though his tone on the phone sounded tense and distant.

As you got ready, your stomach was turning. You thought back to the pictures and messages you’d received, the missed calls Lando had made to you after being discovered, and everything that had happened between you and Max. You took a breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of thoughts. You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time, wanting to feel safe, and walked out to Lando’s hotel.

When you got to the cafeteria, you found him already waiting for you at a table in the back. He had a stiff posture, his hands folded in front of him on the table and his gaze fixed on the coffee in front of him. His eyes lifted slightly when he saw you arrive, and you noticed the mix of discomfort and guilt he was trying to hide under a calm facade.

You sat in silence, watching him carefully. After a few seconds, he broke the silence.

“Look, I don’t want… this conversation to get out of hand,” Lando began, his voice wavering. “I know you’re upset, and I’m clear on why. I just want you to know that… it wasn’t what it seemed.”

You looked at him, eyes narrowing. His words sounded forced, as if he was trying to convince himself of what he was saying. It hurt you to see him like this, so changed, so full of insecurity.

“It wasn’t what it seemed, Lando?” you asked, keeping your tone firm. “I saw the photos. Everyone has seen them.”

He frowned, clearly upset.

“You don’t have to make this any harder,” he replied in a defensive tone. “It was a mistake. I was just… I needed to distract myself.” But that doesn't change how I feel about you.

A mixture of anger and disappointment ran through you. You had expected a sincere apology, something more than excuses and empty promises. You tried to remain calm, but your words came out with the coldness of truth.

"How I feel has changed too, Lando," you said quietly. "All of this... I don't know if it makes sense."

Lando lowered his gaze, but you noticed that he still maintained that defensive air. It was clear that he wasn't fully assuming his responsibility; he didn't seem willing to face the consequences of his decisions.

"So this is it?" he asked in a bitter tone. "For a mistake? You weren't even there to support me like you always do. And what was I supposed to do?" His words sounded reproachful, as if he were trying to transfer part of the blame to you.

You bit your lip, holding back your fury. You knew it had been difficult for him not to have you around, but that didn't justify his attitude. Finally, you gathered your courage and faced the issue once and for all.

“This isn’t just about what happened, Lando. There’s something bigger going on here,” you told him firmly. “I need some time to think, to get clear on what I really want. I can’t stay in a relationship where I constantly have to worry about whether or not you’ll do the right thing when I’m gone.”

He gulped, and for a moment, you saw a flash of genuine pain in his eyes. But instead of acknowledging the problem, he chose to back away once again.

“Do what you want then,” he said, letting out a frustrated sigh and looking away. “If you need time, go ahead. I’m not going to stop you.”

Those words were confirmation of everything you had felt during this last stage of your relationship. Without further ado, you stood up, leaving one last glance at the one you had considered your partner for so long. There was a moment of silence between the two of you, and then you turned around and walked out of the coffee shop without looking back.

As you walked away, you felt a strange mix of relief and sadness. You had hoped that this conversation would bring you some sort of peace, a reconciliation, or at least a heartfelt explanation. But instead, it only confirmed what you already feared: perhaps it was time to put an end to it.

Back in your hotel room, you took a seat on the bed and looked around, trying to process everything that had happened. The room was silent, and the weight of your decision began to settle in, bringing with it a wave of conflicting emotions. You pulled out your phone and, almost without thinking, opened the message Max had sent you hours ago, wondering how your conversation with Lando had gone.

Without much hesitation, you wrote him a short reply.

You: “We just talked… and I think I need some time to sort out my feelings.”

After a few minutes, the phone vibrated. Max had replied:

Max: “Do whatever you need. Just remember that if you decide to move on, I’m here for you. You don’t have to face it alone.”

Reading his words, you felt a small spark of calm, as if the weight of everything that had happened had lightened a little. You knew that this time away would be necessary to understand what it was that you really wanted, but there was one thing clear in all of this: you needed to feel authentic again, without the shadows of a relationship that had begun to consume more than it offered.

Even though you wanted to take some time off, the last race of the year was being held in Abu Dhabi, and you had to attend. For you, the trip had a professional purpose: the promotion of Rolex. Despite having distanced yourself from Lando and having spent a few days trying to find clarity about your feelings, you knew that this race would also be the closing of an intense and emotional season.

Dressed elegantly, you wore a shiny Rolex watch that caught the light with every movement. As you walked through the paddock, you felt the gazes of some acquaintances and other members of the industry; everyone knew that you had been a constant figure in Lando's team, and now it seemed strange to see you in an independent context.

While you were fulfilling your promotional tasks, you crossed paths with Max. He wore his usual determined expression, but this time there was something different in his gaze. When he saw you, his eyes lit up slightly, as if something in him had made up his mind. You noticed that, despite the crowd, his steps were heading straight towards you, with a confidence that made your pulse race.

"Hey," he said, smiling slightly. "I didn't think I'd find you here so early. How have you been?" His tone was warm, close, something different from the previous times.

“I'm… fine, I guess” you answered, trying to sound casual, although the closeness made you feel a mix of nervousness and curiosity. “I had to be here for Rolex. You know what this sponsorship thing is like.”

He nodded, and for a moment they remained silent, watching the hustle and bustle of preparations around them.

“I know things have been complicated for you lately” Max said, with a more serious tone than usual. “And I don't want to seem nosy, but… I haven't stopped thinking about what we talked about last time.”

The sincerity in his words threw you off a little. You had tried to stay distant, focus on yourself, and not think about everything you had experienced. But there was Max, with his penetrating gaze and his usual confidence, willing to open up in a way that you hadn't seen in him until now.

“I'm not here to pressure you” he continued, looking into your eyes. “I just wanted you to know that… I’m willing to fight for you, if you just give me a chance.”

His confession resonated with you, breaking the barrier you had built up over the past few weeks. You felt like it wasn’t just a passing statement; there was a depth to his words that made you doubt everything you had tried to rationalize. Deep down, something in you had been waiting to hear this, though you refused to admit it.

“Max…” you began, not knowing exactly how to express what you felt. “I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. After everything that’s happened, I’m not sure that getting more involved is the best thing for either of us.”

He nodded, listening to each word patiently.

“I know,” he replied. “But there’s something I’ve learned this season, and that is that important opportunities aren’t always the easiest ones. I’ve been avoiding speaking clearly to you because I didn’t want to make things more complicated for you. But if I’m honest, I can’t pretend that I don’t care about you.”

The seriousness in his eyes left you speechless. He wasn’t the usual Max, arrogant and competitive; he was someone vulnerable, showing a part of him that was rarely seen. And although a part of you wanted to keep putting up barriers, another, deeper part of you was starting to give in to his words and his sincerity.

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts.

“What happened with Lando was difficult… and I don’t want you to be just a distraction, Max.” It wouldn't be fair to either of you.

He took a step closer, not invading your personal space, but enough for you to feel his presence more intensely.

"I'm not someone who'll settle for being a distraction," he said with a slight smile, but his tone was firm. "What I feel for you is real. And if you give me the chance, I'm willing to show you that I'm someone you can trust."

His words enveloped you, making you feel a warmth and security that you hadn't experienced in a long time. The hardness of the breakup with Lando was still present, but Max's presence offered you an alternative, a chance to rediscover what you really wanted and, perhaps, to be happy in a fuller sense.

After a few seconds of silence, you took a breath, letting your own emotions take control.

"I don't know what will happen after all this..." you murmured, looking at the floor for a moment before looking up and meeting his gaze. "But I think I'm willing to see where this takes us."

The smile on his face was almost imperceptible, but his eyes shone with a mix of determination and tenderness.

“Then I’ll start showing it from now on,” he said, taking your hand gently. “I don’t want you to feel pressured, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. No matter how long it takes.”

After that brief exchange with Max, he said goodbye with a wink and walked away, leaving behind a feeling of anticipation that you couldn’t shake. You watched as he walked towards the Red Bull paddock, surrounded by his team, while you stood still for a moment, trying to clear your thoughts.

You decided it was time to move as well. You walked through the paddock area, the hustle and bustle around you. Drivers, engineers and journalists came and went, all focused on their own roles.

Suddenly, you saw him. Lando was up ahead, briefly chatting with one of the McLaren mechanics. He turned slightly, and for a moment, his eyes met yours. It was an instant, there was no smile, no nod of recognition, just eye contact that spoke of everything beneath the surface. He seemed distant, almost cold, and before you could say anything, he looked away and kept walking.

You stood still, feeling a knot form in your stomach. That small gesture, or lack thereof, hit you harder than you expected. You knew Lando was in his zone of concentration, but you couldn’t ignore the growing emotional distance that seemed to exist between you since you arrived in Qatar.

You took a deep breath and forced yourself to keep walking, telling yourself that you couldn’t read too much into a simple glance. But the awkwardness remained.

As you left the paddock area you went straight to the VIP area to watch the race. The race was certainly a spectacle from the start. Max started from pole, while Lando started from second position.

From the first lap, Max took the lead, controlling the pace with ruthless precision. Behind him, Lando followed closely, pushing at every opportunity. But as the laps progressed, it became clear that Red Bull had fine-tuned their car to perfection. Max seemed untouchable.

Lando, however, was not giving up. He kept fighting, looking for every millimetre of advantage, every opportunity to close the gap. Until lap 38 came around. It all happened in the blink of an eye. In the fast corner before the main straight, Lando's car lost grip. Perhaps a miscalculation or just bad luck, but the McLaren hit the wall with a sharp impact. The yellow flag waved immediately, and your heart skipped a beat.

From your spot, your eyes were fixed on the giant screen, watching anxiously. Lando got out of the car quickly, waving his hands to indicate that he was okay, but you could see the frustration in his every move. He was furious.

As the McLaren team scrambled to pick up the remains of the car, the race continued. Max continued to dominate, and with each lap, his victory became more inevitable. Finally, he crossed the finish line in first place, securing the race win. Fireworks lit up the sky, and the Red Bull team erupted in celebrations.

When it was all over, you headed towards the McLaren paddock, where you saw him surrounded by his team, his face grim and his brow furrowed. There was no trace of the carefree smile he normally wore.

As he spoke to his engineers, you locked eyes with him for a brief second. He looked exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally. But he didn't say anything, and neither did you. Without exchanging words, you turned around and began walking towards the exit.

The day had been intense, and you needed time to process it all. You took a cab back to your hotel, watching the city lights flicker through the window as you sank into your thoughts. Lando was fine physically, and that was the most important thing.

Once in your room, you kicked off your shoes and dropped into bed. The day had been a whirlwind of emotions: worry about Lando, what you had talked about with Max, and a growing confusion within yourself. You picked up your phone and left it on the nightstand. You didn't know whether to expect a text from Lando or Max. Or maybe neither.

You sighed and closed your eyes.

You had barely laid down when the glow of your phone illuminated the darkness of the room. For a moment, you thought it might be Lando, perhaps to talk about what happened at the race, but when you saw Max’s name on the screen, your heart skipped a little.

Max: “I hope you’re okay after all the drama today. Listen, I was thinking… I’m going home to Monaco to rest before the next season. How about you come with me? It’d be great to have you here.”

The message was direct and blunt, typical of Max. You stared at the screen, your fingers trembling slightly on the keyboard. The proposal took you by surprise, but at the same time, there was a part of you that had anticipated it.

You knew that accepting that invitation would involve much more than a simple vacation. It wasn't just the getaway to Monaco, it was everything that it meant: getting away from Lando once and for all from your own doubts, and facing the growing attraction you felt for Max.

You bit your lip, thinking of all the possible consequences. But then, your fingers began to move almost of their own volition.

You: "I don't know if it's a good idea, Max. This is all complicated."

It wasn't long before he responded.

Max: “Complicated? Maybe. But sometimes the complicated is the most exciting. You don't have to decide now. Think about it. I promise it will be an unforgettable trip."

You closed your eyes, trying to calm your heartbeat. The silence of the room surrounded you, but your thoughts were chaos. You could imagine Max in his suite, confident and relaxed, waiting for your answer as if he already knew what it would be.

Several hours passed, with the conversation on hold. Finally, you found yourself typing something you didn't think would come out of you.

You: "Okay. I'll go. But only because I need a break, and Monaco sounds like a good place to clear my mind."

His reply came almost instantly.

Max: "Yeah, sure, just for that, but perfect. You won't regret it. Let me know when you get there and I'll take care of everything.”

You stared at your phone after reading those words, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. You had made a decision that could change everything, and while a part of you was scared, another couldn't wait to see what that vacation would bring.

The day of your flight to Monaco came faster than you expected. You had been tossing and turning in bed all night, thinking about what this new stage meant. Max had been clear in his invitation, and although you were hesitant at first, you couldn't help but feel excited about the trip. What started as a simple getaway to relax had turned into an opportunity to get to know a different side of Max. A side that until now you had only seen from afar.

You took an early morning flight, without looking back. As the plane flew through the sky, you immersed yourself in thoughts about everything you had left behind.

You arrived in Monaco around afternoon, and the airport was full of tourists, celebrities, and important figures. The warm, salty Mediterranean air mixed with the hustle and bustle of the people, and you could feel the vibrant energy emanating from the city streets.

You picked up your suitcase and quickly headed to the car Max had arranged for you. You knew you couldn't miss a second of this glamorous city, and you felt a little nervous. What did Max expect from you? How would all this change after a few days in his company?

The car drove through the narrow, elegant streets of Monaco, passing by the famous casinos, luxury yachts, and hills overlooking the sea. The scenery was stunning, as always, but even more impressive was what you felt when you thought of Max waiting for you.

When you arrived at Max's residence, a luxurious apartment overlooking the port, a butler greeted you with a smile and led you to the door. The suite was everything you had imagined: modern, spacious, and with a stunning view of the sea and yachts. The decor was elegant but warm, with touches of wood and soft colors. It wasn't just any place; it was a place designed for someone like him, someone accustomed to perfection.

You left your suitcase on the bed and looked at the clock. You knew Max had to be nearby. Not even ten minutes had passed when you heard the door open. You turned around and there he was, Max, with his characteristic air of confidence, but with something different in his gaze. It was as if, for a moment, everything was just for the two of them.

"Do you like the place?" he asked, approaching with a smile on his face.

“It’s… amazing,” I replied, looking around, trying to hide how nervous I felt.

Max took a step towards you, his gaze locked on yours, and although he seemed relaxed, there was something about his posture that gave away his interest. There was a spark in his eyes, something that made your heart beat a little faster. He moved even closer, and before you could react, his hands rested on your waist.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to come, but I’m glad you agreed,” he said quietly, almost as if he was reading your thoughts.

You were in the heart of Monaco, and although the surroundings were luxurious and surrounded by powerful people, all that really mattered at that moment was the silent connection you shared with Max.

“What do we do now?” you asked, the nervousness starting to dissipate a little.

“Whatever you want,” Max replied, with a mischievous smile. “But, if you ask me, I think we could start with dinner.”

Before you could say anything else, he took you by the hand and led you through the apartment, into the open kitchen.

Max’s kitchen was just as modern as the rest of the place, with white marble surfaces that reflected the warm light from the lamps. Max began pulling fresh ingredients out of the fridge, inviting you to join him without thinking twice. At first, you were hesitant, but something in his eyes invited you to stay.

“Do you know how to cook?” you asked as you watched him pull out tomatoes, basil, and olive oil.

Max smiled mischievously, a glint in his blue eyes. “I know a little. But only if you don’t mind getting your hands a little dirty.”

You laughed at the idea. “I’m not a chef, but I can try.”

And so, between laughs and small jokes, they began to prepare dinner together. Max had decided to make fresh pasta with homemade pesto, one of his favorite dishes. While he was busy with the pasta, you took care of the salad, chopping vegetables and arranging the ingredients carefully. It was a simple, but shared moment, and the dynamic between the two of you felt natural, as if you had been doing this for years.

As the preparation progressed, the distance between you disappeared. Max gently guided you, giving you instructions on how to handle the ingredients, his hands sometimes brushing yours as you passed utensils or adjusted something in the pot. The conversation flowed easily, and you realized that, without thinking about it, you felt more comfortable with him than you had ever imagined.

When the pasta was ready, Max served it elegantly on two large plates, and together you sat at the table, enjoying the view offered by the balcony as the sun began to set behind the hills. The golden light illuminated the room and reflected off the glass, creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere. The table was well set, but the conversation and proximity made everything seem much more intimate than it actually was.

“This is amazing,” you said, taking a bite of the pasta and nodding. “You surprise me.”

Max smiled, with a hint of pride. “I told you, I knew you’d appreciate it.”

The evening continued with laughter and anecdotes, talking about other things, about travel and what you liked to do in your free time. Max seemed genuinely interested in you, in your opinions, in what you thought about the small details of life. There was something so real and accessible about him at that moment, that you completely forgot the fact that, hours before, you had arrived in Monaco with a host of mixed emotions. Now, all that mattered was the present moment.

At the end of dinner, as the plates were empty and the wine glasses were slowly emptying, Max leaned slightly towards you, his gaze locked on yours. The room was quiet, the sound of the distant city, and for a second, it seemed like there were only the two of you left, sharing that space.

“You know?” he said, his voice soft, “I think this has been much better than any dinner I could have planned. I’m happy you came.”

You, without thinking too much about it, smiled and nodded. “I’m happy too. I didn’t imagine it would end like this.”

Max smiled again, and this time, the expression on his face was different. Softer, more approachable. It wasn’t just the confident, competitive Max from racing, but a version of him that seemed more vulnerable, more willing to share something more personal.

The chemistry between you was clear, and for the first time, you realized it wasn't just a superficial attraction. There was something much deeper, something you didn't know if it could be defined with words. But at that moment, there was no need. Being there, with Max, cooking, laughing, and sharing such a simple moment, was all you needed to know.

As the days passed in Monaco, the connection between you and Max became more and more evident.

Mornings were quiet, usually spent touring the city or relaxing on the terrace of his apartment while the sun slowly slipped over the horizon, tinting the sky in golden colors. Max was always around, whether it was to share a coffee in silence or to talk about what he was thinking for the next race. Often, their conversations were light, but there were times when, without warning, Max would drop a phrase or a confession that showed you a side of him you had never seen before.

One day, after lunch together, Max drove you through the mountains surrounding Monaco. As they drove along the winding roads, he began to talk, unprompted, about his life, about what it had taken to become who he was.

“My career isn’t just the podium, you know,” he said, looking out the window as the car moved down the road. “It’s everything I’ve had to leave behind: the parties, the relationships, the sacrifices… There are so many things people don’t see, so many difficult decisions.”

You looked at him with a mix of surprise and admiration. Max had never been a person who opened up easily, always so focused on his goal, so focused on winning and perfection. But now, he was speaking to you with brutal honesty, as if somehow, he had decided to share the deepest part of himself with you.

“I know,” you answered calmly, not knowing what else to say, but you looked at him with genuine understanding. “You’ve been at the center of all this since you were so young.” It’s not easy, and people often don’t understand what it entails.

Max nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the landscape as the car continued on its way.

“That’s why it’s hard to trust people sometimes, you know?” he said, his voice laced with subtle melancholy. “Everyone expects something from you, and sometimes you don’t even know if people like you for who you are, or for what you represent.”

A wave of empathy washed over you. Max had lived a life full of expectations, external pressures, pain, and it wasn’t hard to see how all of that had made him close some emotional doors. But in that moment, it seemed like you had somehow entered his inner circle. You had gotten him to open up, to share something so personal.

What surprised you the most was the way he understood you. It wasn’t just that Max listened to you; he understood you. In every conversation, in every gesture, there was something about him that seemed to sense what you felt, what you needed without you having to explain it with words. He wasn’t like Lando, who, although he had always been affectionate, had never shown that level of deep understanding. Lando had his own way of seeing things, but in his words there was never a place for your dreams or your insecurities. With Max, everything was different.

Max also began to talk about his long-term ambitions, about what he wanted outside of the race track, things that weren’t just achievements, medals or trophies. He told you about his love for family, his desire to form one.

Sometimes, you found yourself watching him as he spoke, unable to help but feel drawn not only to his appearance, but to the vulnerability he had begun to show. This was a different Max, a Max who asked for your opinion and valued what you said, and although he could be competitive and stubborn at times, there was something in his gaze that made you feel important.

And you, of course, couldn't help but share your own thoughts with him. At first, you thought it would be hard for you to open up so much to someone, but with him, everything flowed. You felt free to talk about your goals, about fashion, about your own fears, about your insecurities. Max supported you at all times, without judging or pressuring you, just giving you his unconditional support. The way he looked at you while you talked made you feel like, for the first time, someone really understood you.

That connection was getting stronger, getting more and more impossible to ignore. And you knew, even though you tried to stay rational, that something was changing between the two of you. It wasn't just the chemistry, it wasn't just the shared smiles or the jokes, it was something deeper. Max was becoming someone more than just the Formula 1 driver you admired from afar. And you... you were starting to have feelings for him.

As the days went by and you shared more moments together, from impromptu dinners to walks around the harbor, you realized that Max was showing you a side of him that few knew about, and that side was winning you over in a way you couldn't control. It was such a stark contrast to the relationship you had with Lando, because with him, everything had always been more superficial, more loaded with expectations of what a relationship should be.

With Max, things seemed more real, more natural. And even though you didn't know how he felt exactly, you couldn't help but feel that this moment you shared was something unique.

The air in Monaco felt heavier that day, as if the sun was shining brighter as you walked through the city with Max by your side, enjoying the scenery, but at the same time with a feeling of unease in your chest. Max, noticing your change in mood, looked at you with slight concern.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his voice soft, but with the clarity of someone who knew something wasn’t right.

You nodded, trying not to give too much importance to the whirlwind of thoughts forming in your head. You had been dealing with this silently for days, but now, while you were with Max, the doubts and feelings couldn’t be left behind. You decided it was time to face it, even though you didn’t know how he would react.

Just a few minutes later, your phone vibrated in your pocket, interrupting the peaceful walk. Looking at the screen, you saw Lando’s name and felt a pang in your stomach. With your pulse racing, you decided to open the message.

Lando: “I miss you. “I want to go back, I want things to be okay between us.”

A lump formed in your throat as you read the words. You knew he had been trying to reach you, that he still held out hope that things could be like they were before, but something inside you told you it was time to let him go. You knew you couldn’t keep fooling yourself, or Lando, or Max. Everyone’s paths had changed, and even though you had loved Lando at one time, everything seemed different now. The connection with Max was something you couldn’t ignore, a truth that had been growing between you and you could no longer deny it.

With shaking hands, you began typing out your reply. You didn’t want to do it over text, but at the same time, you knew it was the most direct and honest thing to do.

You: “Lando, I appreciate you so much, but we both know our lives are taking different paths. I don’t feel the same way I used to anymore. I’m spending time with Max now… things have changed, and I can’t move on with us. You know what you did and I did it to him.”

The phone stayed in your hands for a second, your heart pounding, and before you could regret it, you hit “send.” The relief was immediate, but it was also accompanied by a soft pain, like a wound that had been slowly closing, but was still bleeding.

It wasn’t even ten minutes before Lando replied to you. The tone of his text was clear: he was hurt, frustrated, and angry.

Lando: “So you’re with Max now, huh? I can’t believe it. I knew something was going on between you two, but this… This doesn’t just hurt me, it’s going to affect our image too. You’re breaking everything we built, everything we had.”

You read those words, and even though they hurt, you knew it was the right thing to do. You knew you couldn’t continue in something that no longer had a foundation, something that had worn away inside. But Lando’s words pierced you like an arrow, and in that moment, you knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Breaking up with him didn’t just mean letting go of a relationship, but also dealing with the consequences of the decisions you had made.

You took a deep breath, trying to stay calm, and with a firm voice, you answered, knowing that there could be no turning back.

You: “Don't blame me, you were the one who slept with another woman and let the paparazzi catch you. This is the best for both of us, we no longer love each other like we once did.”

As soon as you sent the message, the tension in the air increased. Max, who had been by your side all this time, watched your face with an expression that seemed to understand what had just happened, although without saying a word.

Lando quickly responded, this time with more anger and resentment.

Lando: “You're going to see what's going to happen now. You know that this relationship has given us both so much, but it seems that it means nothing to you. You've left me in the lurch, and now I'm forced to deal with the public image of all this, with everything we've built, just because of one bad decision. Don't call me ever again.”

His final message hit you harder than you expected. It was final closure, and even though deep down you knew you had done the right thing, a part of you felt the weight of the words he had just written. You couldn’t deny that things between you and Lando had changed, but the fury in his message made it clear to you that, at that moment, he couldn’t understand your decision.

Max, seeing that you were tense from the answer, put a hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “but you had no other choice. You deserve to be happy, and if that means moving on, then that’s what you have to do.”

You turned to him, grateful for his words. His understanding, his calm, was in complete contrast to the intensity of what you had just been through. Deep down in your heart you prayed that Lando wouldn’t do anything but you knew him, you knew how he got when he was angry and you were prepared to read your name and Max’s on the internet the next morning.

[michanvalentine]

This post is going to be a bit heavy and boring. I'll talk about Astarion, but also about real life, so if you're not interested, scroll away without hesitation!

So, lately, I've been pretty pissed off. I feel like I'm being made fun of by certain comments I see around regarding Astarion's redemption arc—how I supposedly have some kind of "Florence Nightingale syndrome" that makes me want to "fix" him with the power of my love (a syndrome that, in real life, would obviously put my own life at risk) and how I’m supposedly willing to justify anything he does just because he's traumatized. Seriously? So I must be some kind of idiot, a lovestruck teenager who knows nothing about how the world works, who's never stepped outside her house, who's never had a healthy relationship, and so on. And that pisses me off. Because maybe, just maybe, I know something more, not less.

And that’s exactly why I read between the lines, why I don’t judge instantly, and why I don’t delude myself into believing in the power of love as some kind of absolute force that magically fixes everything just because. Maybe the love we're talking about here has nothing to do with romanticizing (butterflies in the stomach, kisses and cuddles, "I’m the only one for him, and for me he’ll do this or that") a horrific situation—one where a man has been mentally and physically broken, one that comes with a whole range of possible unhealthy behaviors that could be dangerous to himself and others.

Maybe we’re talking about something more real, about lived experiences, about how people can support and help each other crawl out of the darkness. About how love simply means being there, without necessarily doing anything. In both good times and bad, because healing isn’t a straight line. There are ups and downs. Love means being aware of the struggles and working hard on them, it means listening, accepting, waiting, being patient. It means pushing back when necessary, confronting the person you love, and stopping them from hurting themselves. It also means giving up, running away, screaming at the sky, and then coming back more determined than before—even knowing you might have to start the process all over again.

Are the people who love this hard just idiots who think they can "fix" their loved ones with the power of love? And what if it were your child? Fuck no, I won’t accept that! That’s a message that cannot and must not spread, not when there are people out there fighting this battle every single day.

Sure, there are plenty of lost causes in this world, and yes, real danger exists. But the key is being able to recognize them. No one wants to be a martyr, but there will always be someone worth fighting for. Because yes, loving someone who struggles—with depression, personality disorders, eating disorders, anxiety, PTSD, etc.—is a fight. But that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love.

And Spawn Astarion is not a lost cause. He comes from a background of every kind of abuse imaginable. He’s an asshole because he has to be (and he’s also a fucking vampire!), but then—something changes. Possibilities open up before him. And immediately, he shows he can adapt, that he can learn, that he wants to change.

And when that internal drive is there (that inner force of the individual himself, which makes all the difference in the world), you can’t and shouldn’t ignore it—even in real life.

It’s not about "fixing" someone. It’s about helping them feel better, about helping them achieve their goals (yes, their goals—even when they can’t quite articulate them), about changing in a healthier way, about healing. Because Spawn Astarion wants to live more than anything else. And he wants to do so fully, not as a broken man.

That’s why he approves when Tav/Durge tells him he just needs to find a place for himself, that he can find so many people willing to care for him if only he is willing to care for them. That’s why he approves when Tav/Durge reminds him—despite his fear, despite the intoxicating scent of blood—that maybe, just maybe, ascension isn’t what he truly wants. He approves. There’s no room for misinterpretation here—this is as sincere as it gets.

And in both cases, these situations are directly opposed to his obsession with taking Cazador’s place.

But, going back to the point—thinking that the power of love can magically fix everything is stupid. But we also cannot allow the message to spread that, in real life, a person who struggles due to trauma (and hell, it doesn’t even have to be torture in a dark dungeon—it could be something as "simple" as a profound loss) is incapable of healing or being loved, despite the difficulties. It’s not easy, but there are men and women in this world with immense strength and hearts big enough to do this and more.

If this isn't for you, fine. No one is forcing you. But make room for these heroes instead of spouting nonsense.

Now, fortunately, BG3 is a fantasy game where you can do literally anything, freely, even recklessly, without any real risk. And that’s fine—let’s have fun experimenting, living out our fantasies, being heroes (after all, we’re not actually picking up swords and charging into hordes of pissed-off goblins), becoming ultimate villains, bringing the world to its knees, killing anyone who gets in our way.

But when we bring real life into the discussion to make a point or compare it to the game, let’s do so with a little more thought and tact. Kindness is a virtue, not a flaw.

And to end on a lighter note—hell no, I don’t approve of everything Astarion says or does! I try to understand him, to grasp the many whys behind his actions, but if I had him in front of me, I’d straight-up say, "Oi, what the fuck are you doing?! Asshole!" I’d argue with him, I’d get mad at him—just like I did in my playthroughs.

And for the record, I never had to step off my heroic path to gain his approval. I simply disagreed with him when I felt it was right and treated him kindly when he needed it.

Honestly, earning his approval in this game is the easiest thing in the world—let him drink your blood, trust him (defend him from the other companions’ suspicions), let him decide how to handle his diet (which, honestly, is a fair compromise), tell the devil to go to hell (xP), and do something ridiculously stupid like giving him the necromancy book, interrupting the two ogres having sex, licking a goblin’s boots, and getting whipped a little—voilà! Suddenly, you have Astarion in your arms, and you haven’t even had time to save the druid grove yet.

In my very first playthrough, with my super-good Selûne cleric who was always helping the needy, I was actually trying to romance Shadowheart—when I somehow found myself magically in a relationship with Astarion just because I told him, "I care about you" (the same reason I didn’t let him bite the pervy drow). Lol.

Ok, I'll try not to make any more heavy posts like this. I feel a bit like a broken record, singing the same song over and over—sorry about that. And of course, have a great day, everyone! <3

[goodolddumbbanana]

Moon when everyone expects Sum getting hurt or traumatized: Mr. Therapist of the year.

Moon when Sun gets hurt or traumatized: What is that? I don't know what the emotions spell like? He will probably be fine on his own, I deal with that before, it's not that hard.

I swear it really hit me on the nail the reason why I originally hated this Old Moon so much. It is not only partially because he is the asshole to Sun a lot, but also, he always treats people not Sun better than Sun, his own brother.

Like he comforted Lunar when he disowned Eclipse, he sacrificed his own life for KC for all people, he really understood and all with Earth, he even had empathy with Dazzle and Jack about Neptor. Heck, he comforted Funtime Foxy, Roxanne, even Freddy from all people like a pro, and he empathy with Bloodmoon!!!

But when it came to Sun, SUN, his brother, he just...

His emotional intelligence just dropped from 300 to 0.

And this is not new. It all happened again and again, that Moon worked himself to the bone and snapped at Sun's face whenever Moon feels stress or Sun doesn't happy like he always does, making everything about him, invalidate Sun's feelings, and told Sun to shut his own emotions to somewhere that Moon can't see.

With Sun, he always likes: Boo ho, I have been worse and you don't see me complaining.

Bitch, you complaining about it every time you have chances! I am not comparing the trauma between their two but Moon always screaming how miserable his life is to Sun and when Sun shares think back he just told Sun to shut up and move one.

It's always me, me,me, it always I'm the monster and I hate myself and I'm a murderer. And Blood on my hand and Sun you should comfort me but also hate me.

Yeah, buddy, we all know. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU SHOVE IT ON OUR FACE EVERY TIME YOU ON SCREEN!!

If Moon is actually an asshole mentally incapable of caring and feeling, I can have a little bit of empathy towards him. But the fact that he is always a pretty decent emotional empathetic guy when comes to the other and not towards Sun makes me mad.

It's unfair. Like he doesn't even think of Sun as a person. He put Sun on a higher pedestal, that Sun needs to be good, to be better than him. He always hurts Sun the most when he is the one most caring about Sun.

Though, to cut him some slack, I understand how awkward of him to talk to Sun now, but it is not justified his actions. I am actually not surprised, I'm just disappointed.

I thought he would be better, but he is only better than his worst self, which is stop trying to murder or hit or yell at Sun.

The bar is so low I have to say holy hell with him. No wonder he and Satan are besties.

And also, I understand what kind of reactions Monty and Lunar came from and it honestly is in character for them to react that way.

Lunar is always the jerk, and with the fact he has to control his emotions, no surprise if he distracted himself to do other things.

Same with Monty.

They are both logical people who have the emotional intelligence level of a baby, so it is understandable to see them just quickly changing the topic.

They are not actually close to Nexus, and it honestly is no point for them to grief for someone hurting their family. Though, I bet they also feel sad about him, they can't do anything about it so they are not.

[arliedraws]

I've seen your posts about AI. I also know it's a pretty polarizing topic and what the majority opinion is, especially in regards to art and writing. And being an artist myself, I totally agree that it sucks, like you have to pay attention and all, but.... I hardly dare to say this because I know how emotional the discourse around AI is, especially on a platform like tumblr, which sometimes seems so strong that I don't participate in a discussion about this topic at all because I feel like people here would hound me for it, but I still use different AI software, but not in the way that I use it to create something that I can publish and pretend that I spent hours creating it myself. I think it can be really helpful.

If I need information about something quickly, it's more efficient than spending a lot of time searching different websites for a particular piece of information.

I also like to think of it as a group member when I'm working on projects. That doesn't mean that I get the ideas from it and then just copy them. In the same way that group work is beneficial, you pass the ball to each other with the AI and exchange ideas that you can then develop further. Or it can help you if you're looking for another word to describe something better, like a dictionary. And I still know how to use real dictionaries or do proper research, because I know that AI can make mistakes and you shouldn't believe everything. Just like it is with information from the internet in general. Anyway, now I come to the actual “confession”, which is that I also use it, not to let the AI create the art, but as a tool to help myself creating it. I usually use reference images for drawings to help me get the scene itself or the anatomy correct etc. Andy capture it properly. But sometimes I have a very specific scene in mind and can't find a suitable reference, and it can take me hours to find something that fits. So I like to use AI to create that reference for me, because unfortunately I don't have people modeling for me and personally it helps me extremely to have examples to work from.

Idk where exactly I'm going with this. But since the general opinion on generative ai seems very clear here, I wanted to finally get this off my chest because I always kept my moth shut being afraid of how others might react, even though I think that my methods are still quite legitimate, as I still do the real work myself. Anyway, I'm looking forward to your opinion.

Ahhhh okay, well, thanks for the vulnerability here.

You know my opinion on AI. I’m not going to tell you you’re a terrible person or anything for using it, but I’m also not going to justify your personal decisions. Instead, I invite you to change your perspective.

My opinion is this—and it’s more of a question: why are you creating the art? I’m going to hit a few of your main points and just pose questions because I think this gets to be more philosophical than a cut-and-dry “if you use AI, you are a bad guy.” Because I don’t think that—I also don’t think you should use it.

The reason I don’t blame people for being attracted to using AI is because as human beings, we’re designed to find the most efficient way to do things. Thinking and using creativity is a huge caloric expenditure. Right? Naturally, we’re attracted to ways that things can be done FOR us and reduce our cognitive load. Your brain is working as it was designed! But this is also a really cool way to take away your voice and mold you into someone who cannot think for themself.

(This is also what you’re doing by “confessing” to me. You’re unloading your cognitive/emotional burden so you can keep on doing the thing you know is probably a bit shady.)

First of all, I don’t know you, so I don’t know what your art training is. However, you need to train your brain to start coming up with stuff on your own. I am really sorry, but I don’t buy the “I don’t have enough references.” When there are free resources like Unsplash.com and even just looking at buildings around you, the furniture in your house, etc, you DO have the references. But you need to learn how to use them. This is a tool.

Second thing, if the reference isn’t exactly what you need, then you need to start learning volume and shapes. You need to study anatomy. Eventually, you will be able to look at a reference and understand how perspective works and be able to transform a reference in your head to what you need. OR - start combining references. If I’m doing a full scene, I probably have about 5-6 reference photos I’m working from. This is a tool.

Third, start taking photos of yourself for reference images. If you can’t find what you need, do that. I periodically have to go into my camera roll to delete the god-awful reference poses for myself. This is a tool.

Fourth, start a collection of things that “strike you.” Start a reference blog. Have a folder filled with images that intrigue you. Personally, I take an insane number of photos when I’m traveling. For example, I went to a mansion for a tour and took photos of all the early 20th century objects and rooms so I would have these in my arsenal. This is a tool.

My fundamental question is this—why are you having an algorithm create what’s in your head for you? Why not learn how to do these things instead? Your imagination is so cool. The process of creating is making happy mistakes. What do you think Bob Ross would say to you? When you use AI, you’re just copying. The imaginative part has been done for you. You’re just a tool of the robot.

We do so much to avoid frustration, but frustration is the part of creating. When we can see the skills we need to learn, that’s how we know we’re improving. It means you’re trying, and when you press through that discomfort, that’s when you grow. Stop seeing this as a block to your end goal but as an opportunity to continue your infinite journey as an artist. Celebrate that there are so many beautiful things to learn.

Additionally, please don’t see AI as a group project. A group project indicates that all parties involved consent to participate, and I know most artists do not want their art to be used in this way. Imagine if you learned to do all the things I’ve described above and taken time/years/frustration/love to develop these skills, and someone years later then took your work and said “It’s okay - we ALL contributed to this.” It’s just not true.

The artists you see online don’t simply sit down and draw a bunch of cool stuff without practice. I watch Youtube videos of professionals. I draw a gazillion sketches of just MOUTHS or hands so I can create my own references in my mind. Why would you deprive yourself of this?

Look, I think it comes down to this: if you’re looking for efficiency and ‘getting it done’ quickly, then why are you doing it? Are you enjoying the process? If you aren’t, why are you even doing it?

If you need a robot to imagine something for you, then you don’t actually want to do it.

[pharawee]

Maybe it's because I don't mind unhappy or open endings, or maybe it's because I had no expectations whatsoever beyond being entertained, or maybe it's because I enjoy detective fiction a lot...

But I genuinely liked Spare Me Your Mercy beginning to end. I enjoyed the characters and the presentations of their struggles, flaws and convictions, and I also don't think that it's a mark of bad writing or narrative structuring when characters are unbending and stand by said convictions. I like how the outcome was inevitable pretty much from the beginning because every character was on a set trajectory. And I also liked how the "big bad" was unveiled/dealt with way before the show was over because Boss was never the real obstacle anyway.

Spare Me Your Mercy was never going to be a romantic thriller driven by character development, and personally I feel it's a bit unfair to judge the show by the standards of a completely different genre. To me it was a morality tale/crime thriller and imo it did a very good job in that regard. Plus, if you take Thai censorship laws/conventions into account it was never going to openly support Kan's approach to euthanasia. It was always going to end with the status quo being upheld. They went about as far as they could, given that this is a mainstream production aired nationally on television. I actually find it very refreshing that they tackled this topic at all, and I really appreciate that they were incredibly nuanced throughout all of it, from the inclusion of a living will (which is indeed a topic that surprisingly few people even know about) to the monk's approach, but also how it showed that loved ones too have every right and the room to disagree.

Because euthanasia shouldn't ever an easy topic. It should be discussed, always, even in countries like Switzerland and the Netherlands where it's already legal.

(This is also ultimately why I sided with Tiu/Wasan instead of Kan because, yeah, Kan did consensually ease the suffering of a lot of people and we as the audience know that he has the highest of moral standards - which is exactly why it's better to channel all of this into starting the democratic process of legalising it. Kan meant well, and maybe Kan was right, but you only need to look to Orn and Boss to see how easy these things go off the rails. Hell, even Kan slipped when he shot Boss in the back, and you can't justify that one at all.)

Plus, in the end I do think that Kan manipulated Wasan as much (or imo even more) as it was the other way around. To me a relationship based on so many fundamental lies was never going to be possible - which also explains the dissonance in their (romantic) behaviour. Attraction is easy (which is why I don't think it's far-fetched at all that they fell for each other) but sometimes love alone just isn't enough.

I won't begrudge anyone their dislike of the show or its characters. I think it's very valid especially given the sensitive nature of what euthanasia should and shouldn't be. It's just that I read so many disappointed and negative takes on the ending of the show in the past 24 hours that I wanted to add my own - and like I said, personally I enjoyed myself a lot (even if it's of course not a perfect show and there certainly are some details that feel very hamfisted and even harmful and stereotypical). To me, it's a well-made and narratively sound piece of television with interesting characters and an entertaining story, and I'm glad we finally got a good genre BL offering in the form of queer detective fiction.

[herofics]

A day worth waiting for

A/N: I really felt like writing some angst with Gojo. Also, I’m feeling kinda shitty, so I needed something to cope with it. I’m not suicidal specifically, but it keeps kinda flashing in my mind as a “you could do that though” if that makes sense. I started writing this like 3 months ago, but I didn’t finish it then, so I’m writing it now

Warnings: Self-harm, blood and suicide attempt-ish

You were just laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. You had no clue how long you’d been laying there. It might have been minutes, or it might have been hours, you had no idea.

You didn’t feel anything, you were just numb, maybe not even numb, every emotion just felt the same. It was like all the colors were gone.

You stretched your hand towards the ceiling. You were wearing a t-shirt, so you could clearly see the scars that covered your wrist. There were no fresh ones, hadn’t been in a while, but the urge was still there, the urge to rip your skin open and let your life bleed out of you.

And why wouldn’t you? There wasn’t anything here for you. Gojo would be fine without you, he was the strongest, after all. He would probably even be better off.

“It’s decided then” you muttered while getting up from the floor.

You tried writing a note, and even though the idea of ending your life made so much sense in your head, you couldn’t figure out a way to explain it on paper. The only words you managed to put down were “Forgive me, Satoru. I hope you don’t curse me too much”. A few tears fell on the paper, smudging the ink.

You went to draw yourself a warm bath, before rummaging through the drawers under the sink to find a razor blade. You threw off your sweatpants and climbed into the tub in your underwear and a big t-shirt.

You exhaled deeply, before looking up at the ceiling. Were you really going to do this? Were you ready to leave yet?

That’s when you heard the bathroom door open. You quickly submerged the razor blade and hid it under your thigh before Gojo saw it. You managed to cut yourself in the process. How did you not hear him come into the apartment?

“Whatcha doing in the tub with your clothes on?” he smirked from the doorway, not yet putting the situation together.

He was just standing there, looking like his normal dashing self. He took off his blindfold, like he always did when he came home to you.

“I fell in” you lied.

Gojo took a step closer, chuckling, about to say something, when he noticed the blood in the water. The smile died on his lips as he realized what was going on. He knelt down next to the tub and grabbed both your hands, checking your wrists.

He sighed in relief as he realized you hadn’t done anything yet. Then where was the blood coming from?

You saw the panicked look in his eyes as he still held your hands in his while looking for the source of the blood.

“I nicked myself-myself when trying to hide the razor blade” you hiccuped, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Oh doll” Gojo said softly, before pulling you up with him as he stood up.

He took your shirt off you and grabbed a big, fluffy towel, wrapping it around you.

“I need you to talk to me, and I think you need that too” Gojo said as he stood in front of you.

There was something different about the way he looked at you. Anger you would have recognized, but this wasn’t it. Fear? Was it really fear you saw in his eyes?

“Satoru?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You look kind of scared” you noted.

“First of all, I think I should be asking you that. Secondly, I think my fear is pretty justified when I find the person I love sitting in a bathtub filled with water, ready to open their wrists”

“Well that sounds a bit gruesome” you muttered.

“Am I wrong?” Gojo asked, tilting his head to the side.

There was a moment of silence between you, before you spoke a simple, quiet: “No”

You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Once you said it out loud, admitted what you were going to do, it was like a dam broke. You just started sobbing uncontrollably.

“It’s okay doll, it’s okay” Gojo assured as he picked you up and carried you out of the bathroom.

You were still wrapped in the towel and holding onto Gojo’s jacket for dear life. You didn’t even remember what had originally gotten you so upset that you would resort to what you had attempted to do.

Gojo had been through this with you before. The last time this happened, it was with you trying to overdose on your medication. It was one of the few times in his life he had been absolutely terrified. Seeing you laying there unconscious, with an empty pill bottle next to you, had been one of the most horrific moments of his entire life.

Now it was happening all over again, but this time he had been on time. This time he had gotten to you before you’d done anything stupid, this time he’d managed it. After Suguru left, Gojo had sworn he wouldn’t lose anyone else like that. He wouldn’t let anyone else disappear into the shadows again.

Gojo sat down on the bed, still holding you in his arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-so sorry” you kept blubbering while burying your face to his chest.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay” Gojo said, grabbing your hand and attempting to ground you through his touch. “Just breathe”

After your breathing and crying calmed down, you looked up at him with tearful eyes.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened” you muttered, trying to get up from his lap.

“Nu-uh, you’re not going anywhere till we talk” he pulled you back.

“What am I even supposed to say?”

“Just something, I don’t want you to be alone with this. You know I won’t leave you alone before I get a satisfactory explanation” he half joked.

Gojo just wanted to hear you say that you’d be okay. He just wanted to hear you say this was just a fluke, and it wouldn’t happen again. At the same time, he knew you couldn’t promise that. That you wouldn’t just magically start getting better, because you or he wanted you to.

“I don’t know what happened. It just seemed like the right choice, but the second I saw you, I was like “What the fuck am I doing?” and it didn’t feel like it made any sense anymore”

You kept staring at your hands while leaning the side of your head against his chest. What you said was true. Seeing him had made you change your mind in the end. You could have tried to reach for the razor again, even though it would have been futile with him in the same room. He would have stopped you, no doubt about that, and besides you didn’t want him to see you do that to yourself. The act itself was way different from just seeing the aftermath.

“Well I’m glad I have that effect on you, but that doesn’t really give me much insight to your mental state right now”

“I guess it doesn’t, but I don’t really know what else to tell you” you sighed.

You just sat there in silence, Gojo embracing you and you leaning against his chest. You didn’t know what to tell him. Even if you managed to formulate something that would make sense to you, it would probably just sound crazy to him. It was so hard to put any of it into words, let alone in a way someone else would understand.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, but I just want you to know that no matter what you think, I’m not better off without you, and neither is anyone else you know” Gojo said suddenly.

“Thank you” you said after a while more of silence, looking up at him.

“What for?” he asked as he met your gaze.

“I guess I just appreciate the reminder at times like these”

“I’ll remind you for the rest of our lives, if you’ll let me” he smiled softly.

You placed a hand on the side of Gojo’s face and caressed his cheek with your thumb.

“I’d like that”

Maybe one day you’d love life as much as you loved him, maybe that day was worth waiting for.

[thegreatyin]

22, and also because it would be a cop-out to just ask the nice question, 25

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ever since i met the weird bat-obsessed painter guy from light fingers he's been an icon to me. just. what an absolutely batshit insane one-off character. like yeah there's a guy who literally worships the evil space bats, canonically, and Yearns™ for fires specifically, but y'know don't worry about it. he only appears for like 5 paragraphs in 2 storylets and after that he's literally never mentioned again. insane. i love it. why did nobody tell me about the mr fires stan guy

-

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i... wouldn't say i'm exactly sick of hearing it, because it is an extremely valid complaint and literally everyone is always and forever right to make it- and i'd say i even agree with them on it- but. sometimes the amount of vitriol people have towards the mr cards ending is a bit. um. Extreme. at least in my experience. from my perspective. idk, as a power ending guy myself, i totally get where those people are coming from, it's just. sometimes i stumble across a post complaining about how the HD power ending has gotten yet another tie-in and all of the guys who make having the robe their entire personality are really annoying and the OP is completely justified in complaining about all of it because it Does suck that it gets so many things every other ambition ending doesn't and it Does suck that those guys are like that. but also it all just makes me feel weirdly personally guilty for choosing the ending in the first place. like. sorry i got this and you didn't. i'd give it to you if i could. y'know? like damn, i'm part of the problem

idk. this part of the ask really got away from me. i'm not sure if it's even coherent or not. also i feel like i'm overcompensating but just because i'm an anxious little shit i just really do need to emphasize that complaining about the robe of mr cards getting the ""favoritism treatment"" compared to other ambitions is always and forever morally correct because it is a problem and i know if i didn't have it i would be complaining about it too. i just also see so much of it that sometimes it makes me feel guilty for choosing it at all. it's a pure anxiety/weird fandom imposter syndrome thing on my end. don't worry about it

[deiaiko]

#22.9 Kindness

Ran woke up with far less aching than he anticipated. Though what shocked him more was that the long haired FUG was the first one to greet him.

"Oh. Hello." The FUG guy, Bam –as A.A called him– wore a soft smile, but half of his face was still hidden behind his long bangs. Ran didn't know if he wanted to respond to him or not. 

"Ran~!" Shibisu cried fake tears, "My cutie~ you made me worried!" Ran grimaced when Shibisu leaped from his seat with two hands outstretched. He was so troublesome, but at least he was good at noticing the line he shouldn't cross, by stopping himself from actually enveloping Ran in an embrace.

Ran gritted his teeth and pushed himself up to sit to get a better look at his surroundings. Seemed like there were only the three of them in the room.

"Mr. Agni said he has healed most of your injuries, and he left you here to rest until you feel better." Bam informed him unprompted. "Khun and Mr. Rak had just left to get lunch at the cafeteria, they should be back soon."

Ran ignored him. He had no intentions to be friendly with this guy. He also noticed that Shibisu was oddly quiet, observing him and Bam. And Ran felt his judging stare pricking his skin and poking his conscience.

Bam glanced at Shibisu, and Shibisu raised an eyebrow. They seemed to have a short telepathic conversation.

"Ah, sorry. I should've introduced myself first. My name's Bam, but you can also call me Viole. I'm Mr– ah, I'm Shibisu's old teammate."

Ran already knew. He had heard about Bam from hushed tales between his allies; about an irregular that took the test with A.A's team and died back on the second floor.

Despite the fact that this person named Bam was long gone, A.A's world seemed to still revolve around him. Like how he couldn't seem to let go of their team that bickered all the time, and how his goal was to take that annoying blonde girl to climb despite his unsubtle hatred toward her.

But the worst of it was how A.A would be so hard on himself to ensure every floor test went perfectly. 

And truthfully, Ran had hated this Bam ever since, for making A.A live like that.

"Are you thirsty, Ran? You haven't spoken in a bit." Shibisu pulled Ran out of his thoughts.

Ran cleared his throat at the mention. And Shibisu was right; his throat actually felt so dry that he wanted to talk even less. Too troublesome.

"Ah, right. Uhm…here." Bam picked up and offered him a glass of water, along with a pill in a small container. "Mr. Agni told us to give this to you, he said it could help relieve some pain."

Ran was skeptical about taking the pill, so he only accepted the water. He watched Bam place the container back on the table, silently glad that neither of them forced him to take it.

Bam was being really thoughtful so far. Maybe he'd consider giving Bam a chance to justify himself. To prove that he could be forgiven for hurting A.A in such a way.

"...Ran." Ran mumbled, "My name's Ran."

Bam beamed and Ran had to mentally squint from the sudden rays of sunlight, "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Ran! If you need anything else, just tell me. I'll do my best to assist you."

Ah, troublesome. Ran immediately regretted his decision.

However, now he understood why A.A had been so devoted. A.A was weak to kindness, because Ran knew they both grew up without it. And as far as Ran knew, A.A had always chased after something hard to attain, one of a kind. Whether it was jewelry, weapons, authority,...even people. And Bam fit the criteria too well.

The automatic door opened and revealed A.A. Their eyes inevitably locked and A.A's disappointment was clear to Ran.

Think of the devil…Ran felt his annoyance bar rapidly rising.

"What did I tell you?" A.A navigated his way to them, not once breaking his glare. "Only consume redan when it's absolutely necessary."

Ran was taking none of it. "Hmph!" He had lots of fun with the spar, so he wouldn't say he regretted it.

A moment passed with A.A still staring daggers into him. It almost made Ran feel bad. Almost. In the end, A.A sighed and let it slide. "Suit yourself."

A.A brought three plates filled with an assortment of food. Though Ran figured that none of them were for him. Ran's stomach rumbled defiantly when the smell reached his nose.

Instead of being teased, Ran was taken aback when Bam offered him his yet untouched food. "You can have this, Mr. Ran."

Ran didn't know how to react to that, feeling a little uncomfortable. He felt like it would be wrong to refuse, but he didn't want it. He looked at A.A instead, hoping that he'd get the hint.

A.A noticed this and said, "You don't have to be nice to him, Bam."

"Hm? Why?"

Unfortunately A.A didn't say a better explanation other than, "Because that's how it is with him."

Shibisu slung his arms around Bam's neck. "What Khun meant is…Ran appreciates your thoughtfulness, but I think he would rather get his own food than take yours because he doesn't want to bother you. Right?"

Isu winked at Ran, and Ran rolled his eyes. That was not exactly true, but it was a softer way to put it. "As he said."

"Ah," Bam retracted his offering hands, "I see."

Ran wasted no time and swung his feet off the bed, glad to find that they weren't hurting as much. 

Bam had leaped from his seat as well, ready to catch Ran with his free hand if Ran didn't make it to stand. However it only made Ran much more eager to leave the room and get away from Bam.

Getting nice gestures from someone else he barely knew usually means they have ulterior motives, and he was so tired of being treated that way.

Bam might have meant well, seeing how much A.A trusted Bam. But Ran just hadn't gotten used to receiving kindness.

"Well then," Ran went for the door and it automatically opened for him. He didn't bother to look back to check if they followed him out. "I'll go and get some food."

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[rottenpumpkin13]

I think CC had a huuuge problem with fleshing out Genesis and Angeal to be honest. I feel like the personalities they’ve been given by the fandom are mostly fanon and don’t have that much substantiation in canon because AG were both largely used as plot devices- which again I think is a big problem because it doesn’t make you feel or understand either of the characters or why they behave the way they do. By the end of CC I felt really bad for Sephiroth, was ambivalent toward Angeal but still felt a twinge of sadness because of how sad Zack was over him, and absolutely loathed Genesis. I’m still not Genesis’ biggest fan but the canon characterization has made him a bit more endearing, though when I go back to canon and see him I’m left disliking him all over again. Unless you really dig into CC lore you have no idea how Genesis felt about Sephiroth, it just comes off like he was always jealous of him and that the relationship was painfully one-sided with Sephiroth practically begging for his friendship. It doesn’t help that 80% of Genesis’ dialogue is Loveless quotes and the other 20% is him being angry and hateful. I guess it’s justified, but unlike with Sephiroth and Angeal you never see Genesis being anything but hateful. With the other two I found myself sympathizing and mourning the loss of the people they were prior to realizing the truth, but with Genesis I wished he’d just shut up and go away already. The training room scene also doesn’t help his case, because first it starts out with Genesis being cocky and wanting to take Sephiroth alone- despite Angeal’s warning- and then later on blasts his best friend in the face with a fire ball all while talking about being a hero. He purposefully escalates the fight, then when Sephiroth gets serious Genesis gets injured and crap really hits the fan- and all this could’ve been avoided if Genesis hadn’t had an inferiority complex the size of the moon. I also find it hard to excuse this whole sequence of events because this was prior to his degradation, and while it’s unclear whether it had started even before his injury, I’m going to say he was still mostly in his right state of mind and he still behaves like he has no care for his friends, even his childhood friend who was trying to keep the spar friendly and prevent it from turning into a fight to the death.

Sorry about the rant, but that other anon talking about Genesis also brought back my thoughts about him and I felt like sharing since I’ve never really written them out.

Canon vs fanon aside, there's a lot of context and nuance often lost when adapting Japanese dialogue to fit English contexts. My biggest gripe with the training room scene in english is how Genesis proclaims "The world needs a new hero" right before he fights Sephiroth, suggesting he wants to take Sephiroth's place/ be better than him. But then you look at translations like this one and that scene gains a whole new meaning. Genesis instead says "I too would like to become a hero." And rather than the cocky "That's no way to talk to a hero," before he blasts Angeal in the face with a fire ball, he states "All I want is to be a hero."

The training room scene is a lost cause, because it's easy to place the blame on any one of them, or on whoever decided to go in there that day, or even on the fight itself, but accidents happen. But in the end, no one is truly to blame because none of them asked for Jenova cells or to be part of the Jenova Project, and the truth is that if it hadn't been the training room incident, something else would have triggered the degradation, or the conflict as a whole, and they would have been doomed regardless.

And that's why Genesis is so angry, and why he's so desperate for the cure that he keeps reciting what (in his mind) is the answer to the cure. I guess the reason we never see him be anything but reactive to the situation he's in because when we're introduced to him, shit has already hit the fan. He's deserted already. The first scene we see in Crisis Core literally has Angeal answer the phone and get the news that Genesis left. The only crumb of pre-degradation Genesis we get is the training room scene which—as mentioned above—got mistranslated in English, so of course we're going to think Genesis was hot-headed and envious (which in all honesty he could've just as well have been).

It's easier to sympathize with Angeal and Sephiroth because everything that's happening is happening because Genesis revolted against Shinra, and I get that. But what makes me sympathize with Genesis (and this is coming from someone who used to hate him) is the degradation and his motives. He wants a cure. He wants to live, and it's hard to live when your body is working against you and literally degrading because of something completely out of your control. On top of that, the people after you, the organization you've always aspired to be a part of because of your childhood hero, your friends including that hero, are on the side of those who did this to you.

Don't know if this makes any sense because I'm literally trying not to fall asleep writing this out asfshsjska

[spuffybot]

Rating BTVS ships I don’t ship:

1. Fred & Wesley: I don’t really ship Fred with anyone because I think she deserved to be on her own and to come into her own strength and power without a man. But this ship does have a decent amount of pining, which I appreciate. It definitely gets points for enduring Fred’s crush on Angel and her love triangle with Gunn. And we can’t forget that it also comes to one of the most painful ends and I challenge you not to cry when Fred becomes Illyria. Still, Fred died to further the emotional and narrative arc of a man so we’re gonna have to dock points for that.

5/10

2. Fangel (Faith & Angel): ok so this is not a super popular ship and I genuinely don’t understand why. I don’t ship it, but it wouldn’t take a lot to make me ship it. These two have amazing chemistry, they’re trauma bonded, they’ve got that whole inner darkness thing going on. There’s something sexy about Angel wanting to save Faith when she doesn’t want to be saved. Plus Angel is so repressed and Faith is so innately sexual. The inevitable smut just writes itself. WOW. Am I talking myself into this one? Do I ship this now?

10/10

3. Spanya (Spike & Anya): I’ve always appreciated the small moments we got between Spike and Anya. They are both genuinely hilarious and I feel like it was a missed opportunity not to have these two extremely old supernatural creatures who are hanging out with a bunch of 20 year old humans vibe more. That being said, I just don’t feel the sexual tension between them. The scene where they hook up is brilliant but it’s not about them it’s about the people they love who don’t love them the same way. So while I think these two make fabulous friends, I’m just not sold on them as a couple. If anything they’re too similar. Snarky, broken, hopeless for love (but overcompensating because they hurt so deeply.) I guess if you’re someone who defines compatibility as similarity this is a ship for you.

3/10

4. Joyce & Giles: Buffy already has so much parent drama, can you imagine if these two actually got together??? But ok let’s break it down, these two have chemistry but it’s entirely linked to the people they used to be. It’s pure midlife crises. And there is something nostalgic and romantic about trying to recapture the wild, carefree, young person you used to be. I also think there’s a bit of jealousy and resentment fueling these two. Joyce resents Giles for being Buffy’s Watcher and for having access to a part of Buffy she doesn’t truly understand. I think this one has some depth but ultimately there isn’t enough between them to justify for than a one night stand or two.

3/10

5. Xander & Willow: So this is a classic story. The girl next door who pines away for the boy who doesn’t notice her. There’s real love and friendship between these two, and even as we inevitably saw, some sexual tension and chemistry. I’ve just never been someone who roots for this dynamic. I didn’t want Dawson to get Joey. I didn’t want Ross to get Rachel. I think there’s too much entitlement and self pity in the long suffering crush to create the fire you need for a really monumental ship. That being said, I do think Xander and Willow are compatible and I do think they deserve a bonus point for their Dopplegangland dopplegangers who I would absolutely ship if we got to see more of them.

4/10

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina! I hope you and your family are doing well and staying safe from the fires🫂

How do you handle or deal with the fact that Harry isn’t always vocal about some causes that are important to you?

Like, for example, him not speaking out publicly on what’s happening in Palestine, or now, staying quiet about what’s going on in Los Angeles.

I’ve seen some people say he does performative activism, or that he only supports causes that fit his public image. Honestly, I don’t agree with that, and I think it’s a bit more complicated than what people might think.

I feel like he tends to speak up on issues that aren’t as controversial or don’t pose a risk to his career, especially since he’s part of the LGBTQ+ community, and the industry still has a lot of homophobia, plus the general public doesn’t have the most favorable view of him. That being said, it doesn’t mean his stance on those issues isn’t genuine.

I also think that maybe he helps or donates anonymously, without drawing attention to himself, or maybe to avoid the risk of public scrutiny or judgment. Maybe that’s something I just want to believe, or it’s a bit naïve to think, but it doesn’t seem too far from reality based on what we know about Harry.

Anyway, I hope this doesn’t come off as trying to justify any behavior. I’m really just trying to avoid seeing things in black and white, and consider different perspectives.

Hi, honey. I just wrote a five-paragraph answer to your question and deleted it. I don't know how to express myself succinctly about this. Basically, I agree with you.

I think that so many people who point their fingers at Harry and say what he does is performative activism should really look in the mirror because most of them make a few tweets and call it a day.

As for how I deal with the fact that he doesn't speak out on everything important to me? I just personally don't look to celebrities to be activists. I don't need him to care about everything I care about. I don't know whether that's justifying things, but I have never understood why people expect him to be vocal on everything.

[catgirl-catboy]

Mikan Tsumiki has Histrionic Personality Disorder

I bet you thought I was joking about typing up a whole analysis on this. Let me preface this by saying I'm not histrionic myself, so please let me know if I make any mistakes when discussing this.

This is less of a headcanon, and more of a theory due to the large amount of evidence, that being said, if you dislike or disagree with it, that's a-okay!

A nice long analysis under the cut.

To those unfamiliar with HPD, Wikipedia defines it as "a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive attention-seeking behaviors, usually beginning in early adulthood" which certainly fits what we see of Mikan in canon.

Here's a screenshot for evidence:

That being said, we should point out that Mikan's behaviours in high stress situations like a killing game isn't equivalent to how she'd behave normally. That being said, lets get into the actual diagnostic criteria for HPD!

I think we can right away check off E, since deliberately falling in suggestive positions is one of Mikan's main character quirks. I could post the CG of her doing this as evidence, but lets not.

I also feel like D is another easy criteria to mark off, since most of Mikan's relationships are characterized by her desire for approval and appreciation. This is most notable with her abusive relationship with Junko, but we also see some shades of this during her FTEs with Hajime, implying it isn't specific to this bad relationship.

Mikan needs somebody in her life that forgives her existence, and every action, both positive and negative, she takes. But that isn't all the evidence that I have that Mikan is continuously seeking appreciation and approval from others, since its a large part of her talent.

A lot of ways Mikan gets positive attention from others is through nursing them back to health, and its one of the few areas in her life she feels confident in. That being said, in one of her FTEs she says some... questionable things about her patents.

And here it is again in Danganronpa S, showing it wasn't just her phrasing things oddly.

Her working as a nurse isn't completely altruistic, since she feeds off the attention and power she has over her patients.

I think that checks off "continual seeking for excitement, appreciation by others, and activities in which the patient is the centre of attention" really solidly. I have less evidence for the rest of the diagnostic criteria, but I believe they fit anyway. I feel like she fits "self-dramatization, theatricality, exaggerated expression of emotions;"

but its a bit harder to say for sure due to a lot of Danganronpa characters doing the same thing, so its unclear how normal Mikan's reactions are in her own universe.

Mikan has one of the more extreme breakdowns of the series, but she was not entirely in her right mind at the time, so idk if I should count it. She also has a very extreme shot to the heart event compared to other characters, where Hajime must propose to her to get the best ending.

Here are some quotes where she has a very exaggerated emotional expression, for your consideration. ""Ah! I-I'm sorry for laughing so suddenly! I-It's just...I can't help it. I'm just so happy, I can't remember the last time I made any friends... Ah, not that you actually want to be friends with me! I'm soooo sorry I said something so...presumptuous! I'll do anything you say... Just...please don't hate me...!"" ""Ah, so in the end...you're all just a bunch of bullies, huh? Justifying your actions with fancy words... M-Making excuses for why it's not really your fault... E-Everyone always treats me like that... Always... "It's all her fault..." "Sh-She's the one with the problem..." I...I'm done with that! You hear me!? I'm doooooooooone! It's not fair...It's not fair not fair not fair notfair notfair notfair notfairnotfairnotfairnotfairnotfair... Why won't you forgive me!? If you did something wrong...you'd forgive yourself right away...! What did I do!? Why won't anybody forgive me!?""

I also think there's a solid argument for her meeting the "over-concern with physical attractiveness." criteria! It is the main way she gets attention, after all. A lot of her comments have to do with her body, and a lot of the presents she likes are things she can wear.

So long as you belive one of the 'maybe' criteria, then she has enough for a proper HPD diagnosis.

[aeternallis]

Hmm, I’m having feelings about this scene again, so before I get back to fic writing, I gotta just get this stuff off my chest.

See, in a lot of reconciliation fics I’ve read for KimChay, most often times when Chay asks why Kim acted the way he did, the reason is almost always some iteration of, "I wanted to protect you." Which is, in and of itself, it's not totally incorrect, but in my opinion, that answer has always felt a little off, yknow? Because it gives Kim the luxury of time in thinking about his actions and coming up with an excuse to justify his own cruel behavior. It gives him a way out that honestly feels a bit unfair to Chay, so most often it's totally brushed off to the side.

I'm not saying that answer is totally wrong, since I myself have used it in a roundabout way in my own fic, but the way I see it, at that specific moment, Kim's motivations as to why he dodged Chay and pulled away from him had absolutely nothing to do with protecting Chay and everything to do with protecting his own pride.

It's definitely not a calculated move; it's more impulsive than anything else. Lol It's an interesting thing to think about, since a part of me can't help but wonder: is this just a really mean habit he has, or is it because he didn't want Chay's perfect image of him to shatter?

Either way, whether it's part of his personality or all about protecting his image (I'm personality more leaning towards the former, ngl), Chay's wellbeing is not at all taken into consideration in this scene.

As a fan of Kim's character and trying to remain loyal to how he's portrayed in the show, I gotta not give him excuses, yknow? XD Lol

I think part of the reason this scene is so hard to watch for me is because, at the very moment at which Chay had needed Kim the most to explain to him what's going on, although Kim returns his feelings, the latter cared more about his own feelings than he ever did about the person he's in love with.

It comes to a head with their next encounter at the club scene-which is also painful af to watch-because in this moment, they both care more about their own feelings than they do each other, since Chay didn't even stop to think that Kim had just protected him from making a big mistake. And Kim didn't take Chay's feelings into consideration that seeing him would be hard to bear for Chay, considering how their breakup had gone down. :'D

In terms of character development, it's not totally a bad thing. After all, who in the world ever likes being caught red-handed AND called out (in this case, both Kim and Chay to each other)? In the beginning of the show, Porsche had a penchant for calling out Kinn's shit behavior-even when they were both aware that Kinn was already falling for him-and that allowed for the Theerapanyakul of that relationship to learn that if he wanted to be in Porsche's life, if he wanted Porsche to want to be in his life, more than loving him, Kinn also had to learn to respect him.

It's the same theme with both VegasPete and KimChay: there is a difference between loving someone and respecting them.

And for men like Kinn, Kim, and Vegas, can anyone even begin to imagine how difficult it would be to learn to respect someone, when all of them have lived their entire lives up until that point turning their noses down everyone else? That it's second nature for them to think of everyone else as trash?! That to have that sort of arrogance is part of why their family has been able to climb their way to the top?!

(The VegasPete novel makes so much more sense to me now, because Vegas found it so hard to learn to respect Pete that he had to create an entirely different persona for it! LOLOLOL HE HAD TO DISASSOCIATE, BECAUSE HIS ARROGANCE IS SUCH AN INTRINSINCT PART OF HIS PERSONALITY AS A THEERAPANYAKUL! HAHAHAHA! And Pete is all, "my baby is trying his best, so points for effort" Lol)

Kimchay's scenes up until this point have been tender and poignant, but there are moments even in the beginning where although Kim was falling for Chay already, he didn't respect him whatsoever (ignoring his calls, giving him homework without any intention of following up, etc.)

The breakup scene was a jostling reminder to the audience that we cannot ever forget that Kim is a Theerapanyakul, and with that name, comes all the hubris and arrogance that being a member of that family entails. There is credibility to what Pete says when he states that out of all of them, Kinn is the most normal.

In other words, Kinn is the most "normal" because not only does he genuinely care about the wellbeing of the bodyguards in a way the rest of the family doesn't (Tankhun is tactless when he speaks towards them, Vegas uses them as meat shields, and Kim is dismissive and cold towards them, etc), but also because of the softness he genuinely harbors inside, he's more easily able to let go of that arrogance (case in point: the forest adventure with Porsche).

Is it any wonder to Korn WHY the bodyguards can easily be bought off? :'D

(Side note: We know Kim himself is somewhat aware of his own vanity, as he was able to perfectly say the line in the screenshot without hesitation. On top of that, this is a very loaded line; wtf has he done before that he would even be aware of his own reputation?! Haha! I know the established fanon is also that he's bad at playing detective, but I wonder if it's not necessarily that he's bad at intel gathering, and more like he was having an off day with this particular leg of his detective work, since daddy dearest is actively making sure he's a couple steps ahead of his son. Hmm.

In my opinion, it lines up more with Kim's subsequent actions later down the road, and the overarching theme of KPTS (falling in love is in and of itself a humbling experience), as this gorgeous fucker did not at all think about the consequences of his actions. XD

It isn't until Chay has completely cut him off that Kim begins to learn that simply loving him won't be enough-will never be enough-to get him back in his life.

[snapscube]

hihihi ok. so i’m in my last of us fixation mode and i’m being extra silly about it but i NEED to know what’s ur current opinion on the last of us hbo?? also i logged onto tumblr and saw a lot of rly good points defending joel’s final choice and i remember during the last of us pt1 playthrough u had differing opinions so i wonder if u think the show’s differences affect that at all? btw i LOVE ur stuff and cannot wait until u do last of us pt 2 wehehehehe!!! anyway besides all that i just want u to know that u are one of the things in my life that makes it easier to get up in the morning

I still feel exactly the same about the final events as I always have! The show didn't change it for me, and actually being able to remove myself from being in control of the situation in the game and actually just watch the events play out in show format solidified that further. The connection I have to Joel as a player when I play the game really helps me understand his perspective more and stomach the goal a bit more easily, but without that immediate intimacy it puts into perspective for me how kinda monstrous the whole thing is from every angle. Obviously I don't ever lose that sympathy for him, and I never stop understanding why, because the whole point of the conflict is that no one is in the right. Ultimately I think the damning thing for every single person involved is that they removed Ellie's agency from the equation, and I still stand by that. They all should have talked to her. They should have told her the truth. All she wants is for her immunity to matter, and I believe that they may have been surprised at the lengths she's willing to go in order to make a difference, whether it's ultimately the right call or not.

I don't know what arguments you've seen exactly in defense of Joel's choice, but personally I don't really agree with one I see a lot and I'd expect will pop up again now that the show is over, which is the whole "well who's to say a vaccine would have worked anyway?????" angle. I think, while reasonable from a meta standpoint, completely ignores the intended framing of the story in order to more conveniently justify a protagonist that the story through its entire runtime is trying to tell you is a little bit of a piece of shit. It's pretty clear and safe to assume that the ultimate intent here is that... yes, the vaccine WOULD have worked. Maybe not in the sweeping way they hoped, but Ellie's sacrifice absolutely would have done something. The whole moral dilemma of the situation really does not make any sense unless you give them that as fact imo.

So then, assuming that is true, you have to wrestle with the idea that Joel is willing to take down the entirety of humanity for Ellie. And not really for Ellie, because none of this is what Ellie wanted. The game AND the show QUITE LITERALLY SPELL OUT for us that Ellie really really really does not want to go back to Jackson without finishing what they started, regardless of the cost. Joel's reasons for saving Ellie, while understandable, are ultimately selfish and rooted in his own trauma and having just seen the light at the end of his grieving over Sarah. Again, incredibly sympathetic, but it's selfish. I know we like to joke as much, but Ellie IS NOT his daughter. They share a similar bond after everything they go through, but by the end of the game you can already feel Ellie pulling away from that notion because she's starting to realize Joel doesn't have the same commitment to the idea of her immunity being meaningful as she does, they're only a few miles away and he's already asking her to give up and go back to Jackson with him.

Then, of course, I think what ultimately damns Joel in my eyes on a poetic/storytelling level is his decision to lie to Ellie after it's all over. That's the nail in the coffin for me. It would be one thing if he said "they were going to kill you on that operating table without even telling you what was going on and I couldn't let them do that", but instead he lies to her to make sure she's still able to see him as the father he desperately wants to be again. It doesn't change anything. He tells her her worst fear has come to pass: her immunity, this unexplainable thing that has taken so many of her loved ones from her, is completely useless. Not only that, but now even more people are dead. Including Marlene, who's known her since birth. The only thing his lie changes is the fact that he's responsible for it all.

Anyway, part of what I love most about The Last of Us Part II is how it follows up on these threads and you may be pleased to know that I actually just started streaming the game last night after the HBO finale premiered cause I was so pumped up I couldn't wait any longer haha. So you'll be seeing VODs for that soon :)