#also an attempt to drawing something different!
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took a stab at tweaking the Darigan Chia- it was a good lesson in humility, if I'm being honest. Its never been my favorite design, so I went overboard at first with changes, and then ended up reigning it back in and feeling more appreciative of the original design then when I started.
(my original 'heavily redesigned' version before I walked it back a little)
The main things I wanted to change going in:
the spots not having shading
the face looking silly instead of intimidating
unclear attachment of the horns + the one closest to the viewer looking like it was attached at a weird angle
the claws on the feet looking like a mustache and not looking attached
the weird little claw at the base of the wings, which is incomprehensible to me
the angles and positioning of the back spikes - two of them seem like maybe they're coming from the back of the arm, but its unclear, and they also create a weird tangent with the already confusing wings
Shading the spots was easy- I ended up adding a few more too, since the value of the spots is so similar to the value of the shadows, the design felt like it needed a few extra that overlap the shaded area. After I decided I wasn't keeping my tailed redesign, I went back and added even more spots to the forehead- if I kept something else from that version, it'd probably be those spots, I think they look nice.
The funny face with the visible lower teeth implies an underbite to me, so I redrew it a little fiercer. I also played around with the idea of a cuter vampiric happy kitty mouth, but it felt too different from the original design.
I understand the original artist's decision to design the eyes the way they did them (the upper line of the eye is the chia's original eye, so if you put contacts on them they look weird but Less weird than they will on completely redrawn eyes), but decided to give my edit the Darigan Wocky redrawn eyes treatment instead, since the base Chia eyes are, imo, kind of awful.
While I made their attachment to the head more clear, I feel that I failed to make the closer horn aligned properly, and I don't think how I drew the rings on the horns makes sense with how they attach to the head either. Symmetrical curved horns are so hard to draw in perspective, and I suspect the original artist had way less time than I spent on my attempt, too. Maybe someday it'll bug me enough to take another stab at it, but I'm setting it down for now, lol
I'm not 100% sure the bigger claws I ended up going with are an improvement either- while they look more attached to the foot and less like mustaches, you lose some of the teal color on the feet, and that color is nice.
I initially redrew the wings completely, but ended up liking the shape of the original wings way better- mine feel cluttered, and my attempt to bring the teal back in a second spot doesn't have the nice contrast that the white webbing has. While I was making slight edits to the original wings, I realized that without the spike tangents and with the far wing re-positioned slightly, I probably wouldn't mind the strange little claws. Its not like this style of cartoon bat wing is realistic anyway.
Oh and I also gave my more elaborate redesign a tail because I felt like it looked like it was gonna fall over, and slit pupils because uhhhhh, and I gave all of them shinier hair because I got carried away and its fun.
anyway! if you read all of that- wow thanks, i hope it was interesting!
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Airi decided to watch Shizuku onstage today, just to cheer her on this time in the SEKAI. She was close to the stage as she waited patiently for the concert to begin.
When the MMJ members came onstage, Airi watched them and Shizuku dance and sing, when Shizuku did something unexpected.
She came up to the edge of the stage off script, and approaching her, kneeled and offered her hand to Airi, inviting her onstage, a spotlight focused solely on the two girls. Airi just looked up, the bright lights making the teal-eyed idol illuminate from behind her. She couldn't help but blush a little at the sight, especially with Shizuku smiling like that...
Shizuku's hand was still outstretched.
Airi happily took it.
Art process below and sappy ramble! (For the final time)
Wow. It's day seven. What a week! This was honestly such an enjoyable event, and I'm really happy with everything I accomplished during it. I got to push my ability to draw a lot this week, and experiment and add new methods and extra details to my artstyle because of these two fictional characters. It was super fun seeing how people took the same prompt and made incredible works of art through different medias. So, thank you to Shizuai i think, and Emotsper for introducing me to the ship to begin with and introducing the Week event to me.
Okay here's the ACTUAL art procress
First off. 9 hours were put into the creation of these two individual pieces. CRAZY, RIGHT. Anyways, i wanted this piece to really test my current abilities at perspective, and I wanted to make this last day really grandoise and well made. So i did! This is one of my first genuine attempts at a perspective piece with HANDS. I did a lot of pinterest scrolling lol. But, im genuinely really proud of how the hands turned out, especially since the hands are meant to be one of the main focal points.
The song lyrics are from Sailor Song by Gigi Perez. I wouldn't say they sing them at concerts, but I feel like Shizuai would sing this to themselves when they're both alone together and would have a sweet lesbian duet.
Also, i wanna say i love airi's fit i drew here so i will prolly post about it later lmao
#szai#szaiweek#shizuairi#shizuai#self taught artist#digital art#digital drawing#shizuku hinomori#airi momoi#mmj#more more jump#mmj airi#mmj shizuku#proseka#pjsk#project sekai#pjsk fanart#prsk
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In his time with the League, Damian learned to live with a lot but love very little.
He was surrounded by opulence--that was a power play, a demonstration, more than anything. It was Ra's' way of showing that he had power.
The problem, of course, was how easily power can breed envy and just how much can be taken away by someone with nothing to lose.
From a very young age, his mother taught him to think--to look inside and establish what he cared for--what he would fight for and what he was willing to give up.
Growing up in the League meant that he could love very little and know it was all safe. In case of emergency, whether that be a coup, assassination attempt, what have you, he could take very little with him.
Growing up, Damian loved his mother, her stories, and his sketchbook.
He never strayed too far from either so that, should worst come to worst, he wouldn't have to leave either behind.
Richard had done all he could to unteach that lesson along with many others he learned with the League.
That, of course, had made it all that much harder to leave.
He had to close himself off, teach himself, again, to think--what did he really care about?
What was he willing to leave behind?
He got distracted with thoughts of when did Richard become someone I could leave? and ended up leaving with less than he should have.
The first few days at Tim's were spent in space. Tim didn't neglect him--the two of them ate together, lived together, but Tim still had his classes and Damian's admission to a local school hadn't gone through yet, so, while he spent nights patrolling with Tim, he spent his days alone.
Either he slept or he drew. Sleep, though the easier option to chose, did not come as easy as it used to. Drawing was an outlet to him, a way to filter his emotions into something tangible--prove to himself that they were real--but he didn't want to see the emotions he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hide them or hide from them, but his thoughts were not welcome guests in his head, which, of course, made sleeping all the more difficult.
He'd close his eyes, take a deep breath, and drift.
He'd drift and he'd think about how, in moving in with Tim, he learned the difference between living near someone and living with someone.
He learned the difference between patrolling next to someone and patrolling with someone.
It helped him see himself more clearly, but it also helped him see Tim.
He'd always known Tim was a unique fighter. When they were still enemies, it was his unpredictability that made him hard to defeat. Damian could see, now, how that unpredictability was the result of estrangement. Tim was not close enough to Bruce to be trained by him.
He had patrolled once, against orders, and then been sent to be trained by a foreign hand.
Damian could see a part of himself in the way Tim fought. Their styles were dissimilar, but muscle memory was hard to unlearn and it was clear to any educated watcher that the two of them did not fight like Bats.
Still, as Damian patrolled more and more with Tim, they learned to fight together. They did not use the same styles, but then, having different styles meant that they had different strengths and weaknesses, all the better for covering each other's blind spots.
Damian grew to understand Tim in a way he hadn't fully let himself before. As he understood, he began to relax--let himself expand into his room, finish unpacking.
Now, Richard and Tim both had different rules, but one thing the two of them agreed upon was that no one was to enter Damian's room without his permission.
It seemed silly to him--the idea that the space he took up was his even when he had no formal claim to it. What was more, however, was the fact that, once he had finished decorating, he had to sacrifice a bit of his pride.
He wanted Tim to see his new room--truly, he did--and if Tim entered and exited when he pleased, he could just...come in and Damian could mention that the room was fully decorated and see how Tim reacted.
Instead, he had to invite Tim--invite his judgment. It left him more vulnerable than he would have preferred, but he trusted Tim, so, before patrol, one night, he asked, "Timothy? Can I show you something?"
"Of course, Dami. What is it?"
"My room. I finished decorating."
Tim smiled, "Lead the way."
He did, showing Tim the little things he'd added to make his room his--a declaration of his intent to stay, as much for Tim as it was for himself.
Tim followed Damian around the room, adding small complements here and there before stopping. "You kept this?"
He was holding the photo.
"Of course," Damian said, "It was a good day."
Tim smiled at the photo before putting it down.
Damian furrowed his brow, "I...forget--why weren't you in the photograph?"
Tim gave him a curious look, "Because I was the one taking the photo."
Bruce comes back from the dead and wants to make things better. Bruce comes back from the dead and Tim was the one who brought him back, so it's obviously Tim who'll know best how to help him reconnect with everyone.
It's Tim who should give him advice on how to bond with Dick. Dick has always been his idol, after all. Tim would know best how to bring him back, and he does. He gives good advice and the two of them begin to get closer.
So Bruce asks about Jason, too. Asks about how to bring his son back into the fold and Tim wished for a brief and brutal moment that it weren't so obvious who the favorite was.
Tim told Bruce to give Jason his space, to loosen his rules, and make it clear that no matter what the Red Hood did, no matter what the Batman believed in, Jason was always welcome. Bruce would always want him.
It worked. Bruce wasn't surprised. Tim was a special sort of bitter.
Bruce asked again for Damian and Tim had to push down his anger. "That boy tried to kill me," Tim wanted to say. "I hate him and I want you to hate him too so that I can remember a time when we had something in common," Tim didn't say, but he got close.
He instead told Bruce how Damian liked art and animals and loved hearing stories of the wonders of Batman.
He told Bruce just how much Damian loved being Robin. Told Bruce to tell Damian what a good Robin he was.
God bless or maybe damn him, but he did and it worked and Tim wanted to start screaming and clawing at something because that would have never worked if Tim tried it and it wouldn't have stopped Damian from cutting his line--something Bruce did not and would never know about.
Bruce asked about Babs. How should he make sure she knew that she was a part of the family? They they loved her and not just for the work she did?
He asked about Steph. How should he make sure she knew that she was more important than his rules and that, if something else should go wrong, she didn't need to run away?
He asked about Duke. He never got the chance to get to know him before leaving--not as well as he wanted to, at least. How should he let him know that he was just as much a son as everyone else? That, whether or not his parents woke up, he'd always be welcome?
He asked about Cass. How should he show her that he loves her even though he has nothing to teach her? How can he convey how much he cares about her, his first daughter?
Bruce gets brought back from time and he makes things better. He brings his family back together by following Tim's advice.
And Tim?
Tim brings his dad back from the dead and Bruce changes, becomes a better father.
Bruce changes, but not everything can.
That, Tim thinks, is why Bruce never calls Tim his son.
#imagining that tim isn't in any family photos because he takes them all#so damian paints a portrait of him and tim as a little family photo of them#and tim just like cries and hangs it up in the living room#but i have no idea how to get there#please can someone write this
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beetles, is this how you draw people on a horse-
#cowboy#cowboy killer#killer sans#killersans#i got kinda bored#also an attempt to drawing something different!#:]#cow boy#yeehaw#yeehaaaawww#he is like robin hood guys#yk if he wasn’t apart of ‘the bad sanses’#he would b that/j#or a regular old bandit#undertale fanart#undertale#undertale au#undertalegame#doodle#krispz#krispz art
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#steddie#steve x eddie#eddie x steve#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie art#ster draws steddie#my art#tried something different with the colours for a change#officer apprehend me#attempted homocide on my artblock#also anyone who writes fic based on my art ill kiss you on the mouth (tag me and i'm yours)
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Does anyone else hc that Nightmare can like, absorb his tentacles back into his body sometimes? Like the way Stitch does with his extra arms?
#UTDR#UTMV#Nightmare Sans#I just realised earlier I've been just kinda assuming this as fact and I don't know where it came from#cause I don't think it's canon and I can't think of seeing it anywhere else#So maybe it's just me idk#Anyway it's something I wanted to be more prevalent when I was doing the truce au comic (which if I ever work on again I'll probably restar#cause I didn't really know what I was doing and there's stuff I wanna amend)#But the idea was that at the start of their attempted truce the tentacles made Dream uncomfortable#(Not only because Nightmare often used them against him in battle but also it's something different about his brother from his#childhood memories and it was jarring to see his one constant be changed)#He didn't say anything about it but obviously Nightmare could feel it#So whenever Dream was around I would make a point of drawing him with the tentacles sucked in#It was his little unspoken effort to make the truce work. because he wanted it very badly but would rather die than admit it#(or try to figure out why)#But over the course of the truce Dream would notice and start encouraging him to have them out and be himself#Showing Nightmare a little acceptence because despite the differences that's still his brother#You ever write six times more in the tags than the actual post lol#These are the DVD extras of the post you have to go looking for these#Director's commentary of my silly little thoughts :3#Anyway thoughts?
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okay i also don't know much japanese, but i have an interest in linguistics and have been watching subbed anime for like 4 years - and i know saying that as a qualification makes me sound like the kind of weeb who says "arigatou gozaimasu" to retail workers, but listen. immersion is an effective teacher! i'm not claiming to be an authority, but i've definitely picked up on some nuances of the language in that time, so just hear me out here. generally i think your translation/breakdown is pretty good, but there's a few things that stick out to me.
first off, the use of そんな (sonna). translating it as "such [people]" or "those other [people]" is accurate, but to my understanding this does, in fact, indicate emphasis on the concept of "strangers". he could've simply said "people" with no article and the sentence would still be complete, unlike english which requires an article in most cases. he's explicitly saying "*those* people", or "that kind of person (plural)". drawing a distinction between them and himself. this phrasing could either be referencing some specific quality about this group of people (i don't remember if there was a line establishing something like that before this or not), or just an unspecified indication of otherness - either way, coming from kuusuke it's pretty clear what he means by this.
conversely, your point about passive voice - yes, kuusuke doesn't use a first person pronoun, but that's not really significant the way it would be in english. the japanese language uses pronouns far less often than english does. sure, the structure is analogous to the english passive voice, but that doesn't mean it carries the same meaning - it's simply the default way of speaking. it's certainly worth noting the way these kind of linguistic quirks can subtly influence the meaning in the source language, but taken in context i wouldn't say that changing this to active voice in the english translation is less accurate - using passive voice instead would imply that he's deliberately avoiding referring to himself, which would suggest a level of passivity that isn't actually being conveyed.
and now for that conditional verb. my understanding is that the phrase 犠牲になる (gisei ni naru) means literally "become a sacrifice", and なる (naru) is conjugated first in negative present conditional, then in negative present. so this conditional seems to kind of refer back to itself - as in, "if he doesn't become a sacrifice, then he doesn't become [a sacrifice]". the conditional he uses is specifically for hypotheticals - after all, a direct conditional here would just be redundant. but this conditional paired with the "why" makes it very difficult to phrase in english, which is likely why this translation is not a conditional, but rather a rhetorical hypothetical. both pose a hypothetical, but the result is explicitly stated in the original japanese (ならないんだってね - he doesn't become [a sacrifice], wouldn't you say?), and only implied in english. pretty clever, if you ask me.
so. putting it all together (to the best of my ability):
(the sake of those people) (for) (why)... (my cute younger brother) (if) (a sacrifice) (he becomes) (not) (then) (he becomes) (not) (wouldn't you say?)
"why, for the sake of those people... would my cute little brother become a sacrifice? (he wouldn't, you know?)"
"why should i care about those people... if my cute little brother wouldn't be sacrificed for the sake of something like that, then he won't be sacrificed, don't you think?"
"if the reason to sacrifice my cute little brother is for the sake of those people, then naturally he wont be sacrificed, right?"
so, personally i think the original translation gets the meaning across pretty well? it's certainly less clunky than my attempts. but you might just have a different interpretation of kuusuke's character - here are some of my thoughts on what he's getting at here.
you mentioned kuusuke's motive for creating the device, and i believe he does say just before this that originally his motive for creating it was to benefit humanity, or something along those lines. but the way i see it, this panel is kuusuke rejecting the idea of sacrificing kusuo, whether it would be the right thing to do or not. he's saying "i've decided i don't give a damn about the rest of the world, i'm not going to sacrifice my beloved little brother for a world full of people who are beneath both of us". and paired with the fact that he's taking off the telepathy canceller - he's opening up to his brother, revealing his true intentions. it's one of the few times kusuo would know if kuusuke was lying or not, and we can tell from his reaction that kuusuke is being 100% genuine.
which is why kusuo is surprised and confused - what kind of person just disregards the whole world for the sake of one person? well..... kuusuke. we know he puts kusuo on a pedestal and does not think highly of the general population. just look at the alternate timeline...... but kusuo views their relationship as primarily antagonistic, and doesn't consider them close at all - he even calls kuusuke by his first name. this moment challenges kusuo's image of kuusuke as this evil mastermind, hellbent on ruining kusuo's life, who has only been unable to achieve his goal because kusuo is stronger - revealing him instead to be a very bored genius who just likes playing and competing with his brother (and has a tendency to take things too far).
and maybe kuusuke really did think it would be for the best if the whole world knew about kusuo's powers, but thought he had no right to impose something like that on kusuo unless he was strong enough to win it from him. maybe he thought he had no chance of actually winning and just wanted to up the stakes. whatever his reasoning was originally, he obviously changed his mind, and this panel tells us why - because he cares more about kusuo than he does about "those people". normal people. the rest of the world. even if he still thinks the world would be better off knowing, he doesn't care about that. why should i have to sacrifice my cute little brother for the sake of strangers like them?
i really like this scene! kuusuke says to kusuo's face that he regards him more highly than the rest of the world combined, and kusuo can't explain it away as a lie or an alternate timeline or anything else - it's definitely a turning point in their relationship. yeah, it's kinda fucked up that kuusuke views humanity as beneath him. yeah, it's kinda fucked up that he didn't reveal this to kusuo sooner. but i mean. it's kuusuke. he's kind of a fucked up guy. i'm not here to pretend their relationship is normal or healthy - the point is that kuusuke doesn't genuinely wish any harm on kusuo. which seems kind of ridiculous to say after he just attacked him with a tank (hence why kusuo is surprised), but like. kuusuke has been observing kusuo and testing his limits their entire lives. he almost certainly knew that he couldn't do him any real harm. this panel is one of the only times we can trust that kusuo is reading his intentions correctly, and kuusuke could not have made it any clearer that he cares about kusuo. this is the essence of their dynamic to me - buried under all the misunderstandings and antagonism, kuusuke admires his brother, and kusuo enjoys having someone around that he can compete with.
anyway feel free to let me know your thoughts - i know a lot of this doesn't line up with the general fandom interpretation of kuusuke, so i don't necessarily expect you to agree...... just wanted to share my interpretation of this scene ^_^
This panel never made sense to me, and I finally took some time to pick it apart after buying Saiki k vol 25 in physical form.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7f4412792624f06a773863e2aef6e0fc/012ff46a8e52a288-01/s540x810/1af186f9250db5d8fcd50f803316e77a34d010a9.jpg)
during the last PSIHOWDOWN panel where kusuke takes off his telepathic canceler, here’s what Kuusuke said in Japanese, transcribed from my physical copy of volume 25 because I couldn’t find it online:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/abef7352efbaa58c8b003983c7b8c677/012ff46a8e52a288-a2/s540x810/a0d0902e5882b7aed926da82fd270605ee252126.jpg)
first speech bubble
そんな者達の為に何で…
(sonna mono tachi no tame ni nani de…)
second speech bubble
かわいい弟が犠牲にならなきゃならないんだってね
(kawaii ototo ga gisei ni naranakya naranai ndatte ne)
which I broke down like this:
そんな者達の為に何で…
(such) (person) (counter) (possessive article) (word ‘for’/sake) (why)
translation: but for those other people’s well-being why…
かわいい弟が犠牲にならなきゃならないんだってね
(cute) (younger brother) (subject marker) (sacrifice) (for?*)(if it doesn’t**)(must not***)(I heard)(emphasis****)
* ni= particle indicating something about the word right before it
**gisei ni naranakya = won’t be sacrificed (if…)
***naranai = must not, should not, cannot resist, cannot help (doing)
****ね (ne) particle can also be asking for affirmation, like using the word ‘right?’ in English
the entire phrase naranai ndatte ne might just be “there’s no need to (it seems?), right?”
translation: should my cute younger brother be made a sacrifice (if it’s unnecessary)
^
really not sure how accurate this is.
originally I thought this part was saying that Kuusuke thought it was necessary for Kusuo to be a sacrifice but also he personally thought he shouldn’t. I was wrong; naranakya translates as “could not be sacrificed,” as in conditional negative, not “must be sacrificed” as google translate says.
The root verb is なる(naru), to become/attain/reach etc.
Idk here. someone who actually knows Japanese, please feel free to comment. I can only get so far for now.
Here’s what I put in the notes of my last fanfiction on the subject of this panel:
After years of being confused by the meaning of the panel where Kusuke admits the reason why he disabled the device that would broadcast kusuo’s powers globally, I finally get it.
It has nothing to do with Kuusuke being selfish/weird; it’s actually the opposite. He’s trying to tell Kusuo that his actual motives for making the right device were selfless (to benefit humanity) and be honest with him about the fact that he personally doesn’t want it to happen, but he thought it was best.
For whatever reason the original Japanese there seems to be pretty different than the English translation.
I’m not sure if I am translating it exactly right (probably not…) but Kuusuke’s wording makes the statement way more ambiguous in Japanese. There’s no emphasis on the word “strangers”; as a matter of fact, from what I can tell, what he says is just “people” or “those people.”
He doesn’t say “I” at all; it’s what would be considered passive tense in English. There’s no possessive “my” little brother either; it’s implied. So it comes across as a lot less controlling (it’s not about Kuusuke, instead it is about Kusuo.) And I still can’t quite figure out what he meant in the second half of the speech bubble (two conjugations of the same verb in succession) but i think he’s making the distinction between what he doesn’t want to happen (kusuo to be sacrificed) and what he feels is unavoidable (kusuo being sacrificed.) which is basically exactly what Kusuo said a few panels earlier; that it was unavoidable. And Kuusuke also said the previous panel that he still thought it would be best for humanity if his powers were globally known. So the conclusion here is that the original Japanese seems to make a lot more sense.
There’s a lot of instances in the manga where I was just confused by what was written because it doesn’t quite make sense in English. So I plan on revisiting the most bothersome ones when I can.
#i fear this is becoming a kuusuke fanblog. i love my little freak <3#free my man. he did all of that but he had love and whimsy in his heart!!!!!#can anybody hear me#saiki k#biggie tumbles
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i have played hollow knight for approximately 80 hours in the past 11 days
(alternate version with autism creature eyes/face as requested by my friend below cut)
#this was GENUINELY my best fucking attempt at little ghost i redrew their head Several fucking times and also the entire them once#i love them so much but i cannot give them what they deserve#decided to not even try drawing the hollow knight. they have Too Many Joints#but if i did their caption wouldve been something like ''third more fucked up sibling''#would they be the eldest sibling? probably right? i could make an eldest sibling trauma joke too#the abysmal size difference here is Hysterical to me btw. it was Not on purpose i just cant proportion but its hilarious im keeping it#z talks#hollow knight#i did draw the autism creature face myself#no copy pasting here#also hornets legs are just lines bc i tried to make them more like in game but i coulnt make it work . so
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/18324c03868987d162aef7e4f4bc498f/d48e7b6ba901c19e-ca/s540x810/cf9f300ed20b592c93c1904872e7a3155bbd12f7.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9f8d85c552a0fd80d1a16701db437591/d48e7b6ba901c19e-34/s540x810/85ab5e60ec7887b48e50b2df0fada1dbda2d6eef.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bdccb9d632fe3be690ed6349f674e06f/d48e7b6ba901c19e-5a/s540x810/c91e6bdb92ce5da5d3567d3ef12f21fd27ed6feb.jpg)
Yea idk how I haven't shared them here yet but here's some doodles of Tabitha and "Apathy" (she ain't got a name yet), the two protags of my ghost story!
Grieving after the sudden loss of her grandmother, Apathy accidentally becomes bound to the spirit of Tabitha, a young girl who was murdered in the 1870s. Stuck together in unfamiliar circumstances, the two must discover how to send Tabitha on to the afterlife, and if they even can.
UPDATEEEEEEEEE Apathy's name is Naomi :)
#i draw tabitha all cheery usually but she has a very very rough time at the start#very vengeful and confused and inconsolable and angry#as one would be if they were murdered#the first drawing was a couple months ago but the last drawing was from maybe like a year and a half ago?#so they look a lil different#i change their designs slightly every time i draw them lol#but yea i imagine this as an animated series!#its a love letter to the PNW (my home baybey) as well as like. my attempt to utilize the vehicle of horror for character exploration#if u know i love midnight mass and haunting of hill house then the mike flanagan jumps out immediately lmao#tabitha bennett#naomi evans#ghost girl story#i dont have a name for any of my stories either#i thought maybe of calling it 'mortis operandi'#but idk what their usual way of doing things would be to make the modus operandi part of the title make sense lol#also the tagline would be something like 'life after death for those who have lost someone and those who were lost'#so then i thought of calling it something like 'those who were lost' but ghosts are kinda a rarity in this universe so#it feels like that shouldnt be the focus of the title#idk im REALLY bad with titles#i think the character writing for these lil dudes that currently only exists in my brain is some of the best ive done tho#grabs u by the shoulders: talk to me about the irony that tabitha teaches apathy how to feel alive again despite being the one who's dead#my art#ocs
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You ever finish a drawing that you really like and then you spend the next three days randomly looking at it for minutes at a time like that could make it possible for you to absorb its alluring and magnetic essence with your eyes
#this is me with my icon rn. also this is silly but yeah it really feels like that#i experienced the same thing but even more intensely back in february with the short comic i made then#and then also with some of the paintings i made during my painting course days#admiring the colors and lighting on this mundane green bottle. why not#honestly this might be the first time in my life when i'm making things and i sometimes end up actually liking them fully#no little extra gripes with it that could ruin it. i just like the thing as it is. love it even. it's exactly as it should be#this feeling is one of the top things that make drawing and overall at least attempting to make art worth it#i also wonder if anyone else experiences this thing where the image of a certain character stays in your sort of visual imagination sphere#like the thing becomes associated with everything that happens at that time. the music i listen to etc#it almost feels like i sort of AM this thing. like. spiritually#ok this is hard to explain without sounding kind of odd LMAO#it's just that i've never seen anyone express this exact sentiment. with seeing the character in your minds eye sorta#i mean hmmmm. ofc fursonas and all different types of sonas and such exist. re: the identification thing#i actually find the concept of an 'avatar' as something that represents you (in a digital setting mostly) really intriguing#it was actually one of the things i seriously considered as the subject of my bachelor's thesis#but yeah ok i'm just saying this so that you all know that i AM that little purple kitty holding a heart. btw#ok i'm going to go eat dinner now. don't mind me and my strange long-winded monologues#goosepost
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i know i was just complaining about stylizing loop's body but i figured that out and moved on and it turns out the head is so much harder 😭 i'm very happy with canon loop head and post-bodycraft loop head but the in-between phase is kicking my ASS and i can't just half-ass it bc figuring out the in-between head is the ENTIRE POINT of this WHOLE PROJECT....
i think part of the problem might be that unlike with the body, i do have an extremely clear idea of what is happening with the head physically and how it would look irl, it's just. a very difficult thing to draw. so i keep rejecting ideas that look good bc they're not my actual headcanon, but then also rejecting attempts to faithfully depict the headcanon bc they don't look good. head in my hands
#i set the tablet down for the night on a sketch that looks good but#most of my other sketches have also looked good :/ then i line them and it's not right at all#sigh#it might be easier if i changed how i draw the canon head but. j don't want to i like it....#maybe just worry less abt being an in-between phase and more do something entirely unique?#and then theoretically there's phases between all three points#like using pink to blend yellow and purple instead of blending directly....#that's so much going on though 😭#idk hopefully that last sketch i did will work 😭😭#this has been a fun process tho#i don't usually iterate this much with anything except clothes#so it's cool to hammer away at a hard problem#and push myself to stylize in different ways#without feeling like i've ruined an entire illustration if the experiment fails#and i've figured out some cool techniques that might be fun to use in other places to give illustrations a particular vibe!#i'm just so invested in getting this head right tho that i'm like AHHHHHHH#😤😤😤#silverstarschat#ugh on third thought maybe the canon head rly is my issue#it looks cool but it's not rly faithfully depicting my headcanon is it#so ofc any attempt to draw smth sorta like it won't match my headcanons either#OH I JUSF HAD AN IDEA#FUCK#I WANNA TRY IT SO BAD BUT I ALREADY TOOK MY CONTACTS OUT#AHHH I GOTTA faLL ASLEEP SO I CAN WAKE UP AND DRAW IT!!!!#ooohhhhh this is gonna be so good#crossing my goddamn fingers it works out#!!!!!!!
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Yesterday, I stumbled upon the font used in Bosconian's logo by complete accident after many years of trying to find it for myself. I'm sure you can imagine what I wanted to make with it first... 💙✨⭐
#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Star's Recreations#Bosconian: Star Destroyer#Bosconian#Namco#Logos#Coolness#I've finally found it. And now... NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!#Y'all don't even KNOW how long I've wanted to make a Bosconian-styled logo for my blog#The only thing that was holding me back from it was finding the typeface used in Bosconian's logo#I've made several attempts in the past to see if it even existed as a font without much success#Then yesterday when I was looking for something COMPLETELY different... I FOUND IT?????#And so after downloading it I crunched for a solid forty minutes to hand-draw the logo featured in this post!#Admittedly it was a little difficult to get the text gradients just right but I am SUPREMELY proud of the end result.#It just looks so GOOD. I even textured the text with little stars so it REALLY stands out!#Now that I have such a logo made... it's now front and center on my blog's header image! Go check it out if you'd like! 💙✨#Also for those curious... the font is called Zirconian and you can find it on FontSpace!
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4fefbec184aadbc295a42c397f5ce270/7d2a5a785439b7fa-03/s640x960/3e6eaf349459706e5864095a22e4b1eeba4fd65a.jpg)
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2 months of improvement dude. That’s fucking insane I’m so proud
#you can tell I got better at like. understanding how to use my own features to draw Spamton’s onto my face#simultaneously utilizing my own face and also making it an entirely different one#facepaint has frustrated me for so long it’s such a difficult art but I’m finally finding footing#Walt talks#Walt cosplays#part of what’s infuriating about facepaint too is that each individual character you have to practice with#and spamton was an INFURIATINGLY difficult makeup project#so the fact that I’m tackling it relentlessly#going to conventions even when I’m not 100% happy and learning something everytime I try again is a huge step for me#giving up is easy#stickin w it isn’t#but the improvement is showing and that’s so tasty#also something you can’t tell from photos but I know personally: the paint is also less flaky and more durable now#my first attempt only lasted 2 hours before it started just crumbling off my face#now it’s hard to get off even after 16 hours
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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention#ask to tag
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I’ve been getting withdrawals from not making random worldbuilding characters that don’t matter to the actual plot. Anyways meet 60 👍
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#I’ve been thinking abt excecutioner stuff so she’s an excecutioner#which was probably obvious but yknow#but yeah she’s among the younger of the graduated excecutioners and is seen as an especially promising newcomer#hence her fancy augmentations#she has more of them besides the facial ones too and he agency is hoping to get some installed by her eye glands#usually graduate excecutioners aren’t armed this heavily but the current big excecutioner aganecies are in something of a cold war atm#so there is a bit of an arms race going on#60 specifically is seen as worth investing in this heavily because of her proficiency with her energy#green energy is typically associated with minor healing due to its ability to speed up different bodily fucnctions#it’s usually only used for small wounds and such because it can be really dangerous to use for more than like a minute max even if you know#what you’re doing so attempts to use it in more ambitious ways tend to go very badly#60 is an exception to this as she tends to use it much more offensively#which is still dangerous mind you but she has the weaponry and skills to be able to finish the job fast enough for it to be fine#she mostly uses it to speed up her ability to process things and also just speed up her body in general#which again Is very dangerous and if like 99% of green energy staliens tried this they’d just die#but 60 has been training herself to do this for basically her entire life so she generally can get away with it#this also comes with the bonus that even if she does get hurt she can just heal it up instantly since she’s already in full blast mode#but she usually doesn’t get more than a scratch at worst#her general strat is to get in there and tear through as much skin as possible#the most reliable way to immobilize and kill a stalien is through blood loss after all#but generally staliens have thick enough skin that even with sharp tools it still takes some work and risk to get those cuts#some high level excecutioners don’t even go for blood loss as their first method of choic#but 60 made a name for herself by being just incredibly skilled at closing that gap and getting her cuts and tears in almost immediately#her agency ofc decided to lean into that and invest in getting her tools to make her assaults even more reliable#oh also to be clear when I say she’s on the younger end of the graduate excecutioners I do mean she’s like 65 years old still#tbf elder society staliens do tend to live to abt 120 on average so that’s still relatively young all things considered
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in which : alhaitham speaks to you in 5 different languages, unaware that you understand every word he says.
wc 7.3k (pls give it a chance lol), academic rivals to lovers, unrequited hate, attempt at humor, college au, denial + pinning.. crazy ik, he falls first (and harder), tw stalking by a drunkard, a genius on paper but a total dumbass when it comes to crushes, lil smau at the end!, ft. sumeru gang. art by @/gamegatchihaja on x.
ps. translations ay nasa maliliit na titik, katulad neto!!
ps. translations will be in small letters, like this!!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f96e8ec0580b189d675cc814590fc083/729a651f7482bec8-50/s540x810/f216895a5553f2478079bf27f0caf1491c398eda.jpg)
PROLOGUE: GOD I HATE THIS GUY! (DOES HE THINK IM STUPID?)
the semester is nearing its conclusion, and the imminent approach of finals marks the most critical period of the year; students rush through the halls, clutching their notes and textbooks like lifelines, while you pour every ounce of effort into your studies —not just for your grades, but also to surpass a certain arrogant scholar.
alhaitham.
the name tastes like spoiled milk on your tongue, a sour reminder of all the times he’s bested you, even if it’s just by a small margin, leaving you dumbfounded when the difference between your marks during the last exam was a mere 1%.
you were groveling in front of your professor, “please, just round the marks up?” you could practically feel your dignity slipping away. and the worst part? you were so desperate that you started mentally calculating how many odd jobs you’d be willing to do just to sweeten the deal.
(maybe you’ll help organize the office, run around the campus to buy him drinks every day, or even wipe down the windows of his car…)
disclaimer: he ultimately said no, but he did compliment your impeccable taste in coffee so, a win is a win?
anyhow, alhaitham’s nonchalance only adds to your frustration, especially when he switches to a different language mid-conversation. it feels like he’s rubbing salt in your wounds, why of course you can understand him perfectly —after all, you aren’t majoring in linguistics for no reason, plus he's not the only one who’s fluent in multiple languages.
though you keep that to yourself, perhaps because the things he says in those languages, which he assumes you don’t understand, are far from innocent, unknowingly letting you have a glimpse into his true feelings.
ACT I: WHOLEHEARTEDLY, I DETEST YOU.
alhaitham would never fall in love —such irrational and illogical emotions held no value to him.
that was what he always believed, but then he saw you.
the way you laughed so unapologetically at cyno’s jokes, how you always stood firm by your beliefs, your refusal to compromise who you are; you were a breath of fresh air in a world that often felt stifling.
as much as he tries to act unfazed, he can't help the heat prickling his skin nor the way his composure falters just slightly in your presence. and when his heart raced for the first time in what felt like forever, he knew —he was completely, utterly screwed.
(“fix me, kaveh.” / “hah. who do you think i am, ‘y/n’?”)
when kaveh told him that he just had a simple “crush”, he nearly rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might get stuck there permanently.)
likewise, this ugly arrogant handsome bastard here, is one you’ll never fall in love with.
he’s infuriating, completely insufferable, and yet there’s something about him, something hidden beneath that arrogance, that draws you in. the idea that you could ever fall for someone like him seems laughable, impossible even. he's exactly the kind of person you should avoid and you know better than to be charmed by someone like him. yet, there's that nagging feeling, deep down, that perhaps you’re not as immune to him as you think.
by some stroke of luck, you’re in the same major, same year, and even enrolled in the same lecture periods, which means you end up in the same place at the same time more often than not.
but you can’t deny that, in some twisted way, you admire him. his intellect is beyond impressive, even if it annoys you to admit it. so surely, in his eyes, you’re still inferior, and you often wonder if he even considers your ideas as worthy of attention.
(they are.)
ACT II: YOUR WATCHFUL EYES, I CAN’T IGNORE.
your pen glides across the pages as you jot down notes, fully absorbed in your studies, barely registering the faint sound of distant chatter.
unbeknownst to you, a group of students has gathered just outside the lecture hall, peeking in from the door with curious, amused expressions. they’re clearly there for you, exchanging glances and murmurs, waiting for the moment you step outside.
you don’t notice, but alhaitham, seated a few feet away, certainly does.
his eyes narrow slightly as he takes in the scene. he doesn’t say anything at first, but his jaw clenches ever so subtly. as you begin to pack up, you glance up to find him standing in front of you, his tall figure effectively blocking the group outside’s direct line of sight to you.
with a discreet glance over his shoulder, he shoots them a cold, unmistakable glare. they visibly shudder, seemingly getting the message as they awkwardly shuffle away.
“what was that about?”
alhaitham leans against your desk, “nothing important,” his tone is dismissive, laced with irritation, his gaze still fixed on the now-empty doorway.
you narrow your eyes, unimpressed. “really? you just scared them off for no reason?”
“just getting rid of some… distractions,” he says casually, turning his attention back towards you. you raise an eyebrow, clearly not believing his words. “distractions? they weren’t bothering me.”
his expression remains impassive, “khi họ cứ để ý đến em như vậy… em thấy không phiền, còn tôi thì có.”
“seeing them constantly paying attention to you… you're not bothered by it, but i am.”
“bởi vì cái cách mà em chú tâm hoàn toàn vào một việc gì đó… nó quyến rũ vô cùng.”
because the way you completely focus on something… is truly mesmerising.
you blink, feeling a momentary flush of confusion and surprise at the words slipping from his mouth. did he just—? but before you can fully process it, he continues.
“vậy nên tôi cũng không thể trách họ khi họ muốn nhìn em gần và lâu hơn được.”
so i don’t blame them when they want to look at you closer and longer.
his words linger in the air, a moment passes before it clicks —he doesn’t think you understand. that’s why he’s speaking so… freely; letting slip things he’d never say outright in a language you both speak fluently.
“nhưng mà… chắc không ai trong số bọn họ có thể sánh ngang với tôi, em nhỉ?”
but… none of them can compare to me, right?
your chest tightens as a surge of warmth courses through you.
his detached attitude only fuels your irritation. but there’s also a certain satisfaction in knowing something he doesn’t: you’ve understood every single word he’s said.
feigning ignorance, you raise an eyebrow, meeting his gaze with what you hope is a neutral expression. "what are you going on about?" you ask.
his expression remains as stoic as ever, not a single crack in his mask. he simply shrugs, eyes still on you, "just telling you to focus more.”
your grip on the pen tightens, there's a part of you that wants to wipe that smug look off his face, to show him you're not as clueless as he assumes. but not yet —you’re curious to see just how far he’s willing to push.
"right," you mutter under your breath, tapping the pen against your notebook. "focus. got it."
he leans down slightly, one arm resting on the back of your chair while the other presses against the table, effectively caging you in.
"you're wasting time, finals are coming up." he takes a brief pause before continuing, "i wish you the best of luck, you’ll need it.”
your eyes snap up to him in a glare, “don’t you have somewhere to be?" you bite back.
alhaitham straightens, giving you a final glance before turning towards the door. “naturally, i have studying to do.”
“bởi vì tôi sẽ chứng minh cho em thấy rằng chỉ có tôi mới xứng tầm làm đối thủ học thuật của em, không một ai khác.”
because i will prove to you that only i am worthy of being your rival, no one else.
why did he frame it as if it’s a privilege only he can claim? or is he trying to… flatter you?!
you shake your head, no way, that’s ridiculous. finals are coming up, there’s no time to dwell on whatever mind games he’s playing. though if the almighty alhaitham wants a rival, then you’ll show him exactly what it means to stand at the pinnacle.
ACT III: IN MY DREAMS, I SCORED HIGHER THAN YOU.
you’re tired, the kind of tired that seeps deep into your bones. every blink stretches longer than the last and you find it increasingly difficult to focus on the words in front of you. stifling a yawn, you feel the pull of sleep tugging at you, whispering sweet promises of rest.
there’s still time till your next class.
maybe you'll take a moment to close your eyes, just for a few seconds…
did you not get enough sleep last night, or did you stay up late studying again? alhaitham watches silently from across the room, his eyes narrowing as your head droops lower, your exhaustion becoming painfully obvious with each passing second. his gaze lingers on the way your pen pauses mid-sentence, the line on your notebook trailing off as your hand grows heavy.
he pushes himself up from his seat, and approaches your desk; he notices the sunlight streaming through the window, harsh and unrelenting, hitting right over the table where you’re sitting. he looks at you —eyes closed, with the faintest crease of discomfort on your brow.
without a word, he reaches out and slips the pen from your grip, the slight shift causing your fingers to twitch, but you don’t wake.
for a fleeting second, he considers waking you. but then, as you shift again, settling more comfortably into your chair, he decides against it. what good would that do, anyway? you’d probably just brush him off and keep going until you collapse from sheer fatigue. typical.
instead, he adjusts his stance slightly, positioning himself just right to make sure the sunlight is fully blocked from your face, casting you in a cool shadow.
you mumble something incoherent, and he can’t help but roll his eyes at your state. did you really think burning yourself out like this would help you focus?
“stubborn,” he mutters under his breath.
you're always like this, pushing yourself past your limits, and while part of him respects your determination to outdo him, he won’t allow it to come at the expense of your health.
you stir from your slumber, lifting your head, your gaze lands on a familiar figure standing to the side of your table. his back turned, facing the sunlight that streams in from the window.
alhaitham.
he’s close, so close that his broad shoulders completely block out the sunlight from the window. the sight sends a rush of confusion through your already sleep-addled mind. did he… stand there the whole time? why?
you shift slightly in your seat, your movement catching his attention. without turning, he speaks in that low, steady tone of his, “you’re awake.”
“alhaitham?” you murmur, your voice still thick with sleep.
he glances over his shoulder, just enough for you to catch a glimpse of the calm expression on his face. “you’ve been out for a while,” he comments, a hint of amusement in his voice. “i was starting to think you’d sleep through your next class.”
you rub the sleep from your eyes, “why didn’t you wake me up then?”
his shoulders shift slightly as he shrugs, still facing away from you. “you looked like you needed the rest. besides, it’s more entertaining to see how long you’d stay asleep.”
a flicker of annoyance courses through you as you roll your eyes, “oh, so you mean you care?”
he turns slightly, and you can see a hint of a smirk on his lips. “don’t read too much into it. i just prefer my competition functioning at their best.”
you wish you could roll your eyes harder because this man has an uncanny talent for grating on your nerves while somehow being insufferably charming at the same time.
“ah yes —because you need me to keep up with you,” you remark sarcastically.
“exactly.” you let out an exasperated sigh as you lean back in your chair. “you really think so highly of yourself, don’t you?”
“mushiro, kimi no koto o hijō ni takaku hyōka shiteiru yo.”
if anything, i think highly of you.
your brows knit together in surprise, and you can’t help but scoff. “what was that? i didn't catch it.”
“i said i won’t go easy on you.” oh, the audacity. he’s lying again, and he knows it.
the corners of your mouth twitch in disbelief as you scrutinise his expression. there’s that familiar glimmer in his eyes, a spark of mischief that tells you he’s enjoying this too much.
“whatever,” you retort, crossing your arms defiantly. “not like i want you to anyway.”
despite your words, you can't deny that his actions earlier were surprisingly endearing. you wonder how long he intends to keep this up. perhaps it’s time you let him know.
“ii ne, kimi ga iraira shite iru toki wa kawaiikara.”
good, because you’re cute when you’re all riled up.
you feel a blush creep into your cheeks at his words, okay maybe you shouldn’t let him know. you instinctively look away, as if avoiding his gaze can help you regain your composure.
cute? what does he mean “cute”?! he thinks he can get away with calling you cute —well… well, there’s not much you can do about it, you’re not ready to confront him about this either.
the mere thought of asking him directly makes your stomach twist with a year’s worth of embarrassment. yet, as you try to refocus on the book in front of you, you find yourself biting your lip, struggling to suppress a smile that threatens to break free.
ACT IV: I WOKE UP TODAY, AND A DREAM CAME TRUE.
the hallway buzzes with excitement as students gather around the large announcement board, eager to see the results of their theses. you push through the crowd, heart pounding, the low hum of chatter filling your ears.
when you reach the front, you quickly scan the list; the moment your eyes land on your name, your breath catches in your throat.
there it is, in bold red ink at the top of the board —a score higher than you’d ever hoped for, higher than his. and your name, on top of his.
alhaitham.
you glance over and spot him approaching the board, approaching you. his expression is, as always, unreadable. but you know him well enough by now to catch the slight pause in his movements, the brief moment where his eyes linger just a second too long on the board.
you try not to think too much about it as you collect your thesis, with alhaitham following closely behind, his fingers nearly grazing yours as you both sift through the stack of papers on the table.
you take in the glowing praise from your professor, each word making you feel like every all-nighter was worth it. you clutch the paper, resisting the urge to grin like an idiot.
glancing sideways, you wait for him to say something, maybe some backhanded comment, but he remains silent. your eyes meet, and there’s a shift in his gaze as the usual sharpness in his eyes dulls ever so slightly, your smile lingering like the first light of dawn breaking through the night's embrace.
it’s subtle —just a flicker —but you catch how his gaze falters, softening, if only for a heartbeat. the edges of his stare blur, drawn to the warmth of your expression as though it’s something he hadn’t meant to witness, yet can’t look away from.
at this moment,
"looks like i finally beat you," you say, not bothering to suppress the grin spreading across your face now.
he feels like
there’s no scowl, no sign of frustration —just the slightest raise of an eyebrow. “hmm. by a point.” he pauses, studying you for a second longer than necessary before returning his gaze to his paper. “enjoy it while it lasts.”
he's in heaven.
it’s as if he’s not bothered by the outcome at all. in fact, if anything, he seems... satisfied?
"hindi dapat ganito kalala ang epekto ng ngiti mo sa akin."
your smile shouldn't affect me this badly.
“—huh?” your mouth drops slightly open at his words; out of everything, you didn’t expect him to say that. it catches you off guard, making your heart race just a little faster. if you peer closely enough, you might catch a glimpse of the gentle arch of his lips, a ghost of a smile.
the silence stretches on for a beat too long before he clears his throat and shifts his gaze away from you. “ang iyong ngiti ang pinakamagandang tanawin ng aking araw.”
your smile is the most beautiful sight of my day.
“what?” the word slips from your lips, barely a breath, a soft gasp that hangs in the air. it feels almost surreal and you wonder if you’ve misheard him.
each heartbeat thunders in your ears, a rhythm that matches the erratic flutter in your chest. why is he saying these things, what for in a different language…? there’s no way that he—
"—tulad mo na ang hinangad ko na ligawan, ngunit sa bawat ngiti mo, halip ay mas lalo akong nahulog para sayo."
—like you, who i wish to court, but with every smile, i instead found myself falling for you.
your breath hitches as your heart stumbles, the implications of his words washing over you like a wave. a rush of heat floods your cheeks, “what… did you say?”
his shoulders stiffen, and there’s a subtle tension in the way his fingers curl against the paper he’s holding. “see you tomorrow, [name],” he mutters, his voice low but hurried, and before you know it, he’s already walking away.
two strange things happened today:
1. you finally beat your sworn enemy!
2. said enemy… complimented you?
huh, it’s as if the words slipped out before he could catch them, as if he’s been holding them in for far too long, as if… you notice the way his neck reddens, even as he turns away.
behind the door, alhaitham lets out a quiet breath.
“gago… nagkamali ba ako?”
stupid… did i make a mistake?
to his dismay, an annoyingly familiar voice cuts through the silence. kaveh, who had been waiting just down the hall, notices him standing there, a little too still.
“oh, what do we have here?" there's a slight pause, followed by a raised eyebrow. "is that—no way, your face is red!” kaveh teases, amusement dancing in his eyes. “what happened there?" he leans in, clearly enjoying himself. "come on, spill the tea..!”
"not a chance," alhaitham retorts, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms defensively.
just then, kaveh spots cyno and tighnari; grinning, he waves them over. “what’s going on? did alhaitham finally crack under pressure?”
alhaitham would rather reorganise the entire library than listen to kaveh recount what happened.
“i’m leaving.”
"no, i'm afraid you're not getting out of this one.” cyno steps forward, blocking alhaitham’s path; and tighnari, who has been quietly observing till now, chimes in, “don’t leave us hanging.”
“you’re outnumbered.”
alhaitham sighs and shakes his head. he hadn’t even thought it was physically possible for him, of all people, to do something as ridiculous as blushing —until today.
(on the other side of the door, their banter echoes through, and you can’t help but chuckle to yourself at alhaitham’s misery.)
ACT V: PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY, YOU SAY? BUT EVERYONE CALLS IT FLIRTING.
“i think alhaitham likes [name].”
the whole table falls silent before kaveh dramatically slams his glass down on the table, causing a splash of alcohol to spill over the edge. “oh finally, it’s so obvious! have you all seen the way he looks at them?”
across the table, tighnari taps his fingers absentmindedly on his notebook, his attention only half on kaveh’s (incoming) rant but clearly invested enough, as shown by the slight twitching of his ears, to be listening.
cyno snickers, “you’re telling me the man who can dissect any philosophical argument can’t handle a little crush? that’s rich.”
kaveh waves a hand dismissively. “come on! remember that time they were partnered up for a project? he was so... uncharacteristically patient! i’d almost say it’s cute if it weren’t alhaitham we’re talking about!”
right, it’d be almost endearing —if it weren’t coming from the most stoic, intimidatingly aloof guy in the entire school. it’d be adorable —if it weren’t alhaitham, who instinctively covers the corner of your table with his hand when you drop your pencil, ensuring you won’t hit your head as you bend down to retrieve it.
oh, you don’t notice (of course not). but your friend dehya, sitting nearby, catches the whole scene out of the corner of her eye. she raises an eyebrow, nudging the girl beside her.
(“candace, do you see that shit.” / “yeah.”)
“a soft spot for [name], you say? well, i’ve got a story of my own, too.” cyno glances around, ensuring no one else is within earshot, then lowers his voice conspiratorially. “have you noticed? he doesn’t wear his earphones when he’s around them.”
kaveh pipes up, nodding eagerly.
“he’s got those earphones practically glued to his head, he doesn’t hear anything he doesn’t want to, and he certainly doesn’t talk unless he’s forced to. but around them?” cyno pauses, pretending to think for a while. “not once. he’ll put them away entirely, like he’s actually willing to be… present.”
sure it’s small, subtle, the kind of habit no one would pick up on unless they were looking closely. but to anyone who knew alhaitham well, it tells them more than words ever could.
for him, actions speak louder than words, even if he often doesn’t realise the meaning behind his own gestures.
his earphones slide down, resting forgotten around his neck, all so he can be close enough to catch the delightful lilt of your laughter. his chair inches a fraction closer, seemingly by accident. a subtle upward twitch at the corner of his mouth, so fleeting and often passing so quickly if one weren’t paying attention.
for him, it’s a language without words.
dehya laughs softly. "for someone who supposedly ‘doesn’t like being bothered,’ he sure seems invested in whatever [name] has to say."
and what sealed their suspicions?
definitely the time when kaveh complimented nilou’s new bracelet. he glanced over at the man beside him, nudging him lightly. “what do you think?”
alhaitham gave the bracelet a cursory glance, before replying, “it’s nice.” though his gaze flickered back; and almost absently, he added after a pause, “[name] has the same one too.”
oh… oh? well that was oddly specific. kaveh’s eyebrow quirked as he fought to suppress a grin.
alhaitham had noticed a detail seemingly insignificant about [name] —the kind of thing he never cared to show the slightest interest in when it came to anyone else.
the glint in nilou’s eyes seemed to mirror kaveh’s unspoken thoughts, silently agreeing with his suspicions.
now they’re certain —100% sure, in fact —that alhaitham has a crush on you.
“well, speak of the devil… lovely seeing you here, alhaitham,” kaveh quips. tighnari, ever observant, gives him a pointed look. “your jacket’s missing.”
“someone took it,” alhaitham replies, his tone as composed as always, giving nothing away.
—nothing until you walked past. draped over your shoulders, unmistakable, is alhaitham’s jacket. you don’t notice the way every pair of eyes follows you, or the way kaveh barely stifles a triumphant laugh.
...make that 110%.
(translation: he means he borrowed his jacket because [name] was cold.)
ACT VI: IT’S YOU, WHO COMES TO MY RESCUE.
the quiet night hangs heavy, the road empty and bathed in the dim glow of distant streetlights. you weave through the streets, but no matter how many twists and turns you take, that weirdo just won’t leave you alone.
he’s been trailing behind you for blocks now, his persistence grating on your nerves, cornering you with endless “compliments” and invasive questions. you’ve tried to shake him off, but his determination far exceeds your patience.
"come on, just give me a chance," he insists, stepping closer, a little too close for comfort. you take a step back. the smell of alcohol reeks from his breath, and his grin is making your skin crawl.
"i told you, i’m not interested," you say firmly, keeping your voice steady, but the panic was starting to creep in. you glance at the empty bottle in his hand —he’s definitely drunk out his mind.
“you sure?" he completely ignores your clear discomfort. "how about you just give me your number, yeah?" he slurs out.
"no, i have a boyfriend." you lie through your teeth, hoping that would be enough to make him back off.
unfortunately, he’s as insufferable as he is persistent.
he snorts dismissively, "yeah, right. a boyfriend? you’re just playing hard to get."
you sigh, you aren’t in the mood for this, not here, not now, and especially not with someone like him. "i already told you, i have a boyfriend," your voice now tinged with frustration. "so please, just leave me alone.”
"oh, don't be like that," he steps in front of you, blocking your way. "prove it. call your boyfriend. show me you’re not lying."
your heart races as the man reaches out for you, dodging his hand, you take the chance to look behind him for an escape. just then, you see an all-too-familiar figure in the distance.
alhaitham.
you barely manage to suppress a relieved sigh as you wave frantically in his direction. he spots you almost immediately and without hesitation, he rushes over.
"what, this your boyfriend?" the guy sneers with derision, still sounding a little too cocky for someone who was about to get a reality check.
alhaitham steps beside you, you can feel his eyes on you for just a brief moment, the faintest flicker of worry flashing across his face. it’s subtle, almost imperceptible, but you catch it—and it makes your chest tighten.
his voice is low, unmistakably carrying a warning, "yes, i’m their boyfriend. and if you don’t want things to escalate, i suggest you leave."
the man’s face twists as anger flares in his bloodshot eyes. he takes a step forward, his grip tightening around the neck of the bottle, the glass slightly cracking. "you think you can tell me what to do?" he slurs, gaze wild and unfocused. “y-you think you’re some kind of saviour? *hic* a-and you! how… how dare you reject me?!”
alhaitham doesn’t move, his expression cold and unbothered, and that only seems to make the man angrier. his frustration boils over, and with a snarl, he clumsily swings the bottle in his hand, aggressively lurching towards your direction.
the world seems to slow for a moment. though before you can even react, alhaitham pulls you firmly behind him with one swift motion, his other arm instinctively rising to shield the both of you from the blow. the sound of glass meeting his forearm is sharp and jarring —you can hear the high-pitched tinkle of glass scattering, the jagged shards bouncing off the pavement, and some skittering across the ground.
but he doesn’t even flinch, his stance unwavering as the man stumbles back, glass crunching underfoot. you’re still frozen from shock, your heart racing in your chest as you watch the scene unfold.
“big mistake,” he starts, and the man visibly falters. “harassment, assault —keep this up, and you’ll regret every choice that brought you here tonight.”
the man shifts around, clearly disoriented. his eyes dart between you and alhaitham, but it’s clear that the fight’s already left him. “you— you can’t do this!” the man stammers, trying to regain some semblance of courage; unfortunately for him, the tremor in his voice is unmistakable.
“do you really want to find out?” alhaitham asks, to which the man shakes his head vigorously. “get lost,” he mutters. the man, looking more pathetic than threatening now, quickly stumbles away, mumbling incoherent curses under his breath.
you’re breathless, still clutching the edge of his jacket, fingers trembling slightly as the adrenaline courses through you.
"are you alright?"
you nod, forcing a small, unconvincing smile."yeah... i’m fine. thanks to you."
alhaitham’s eyes narrow slightly, scanning you for any sign of injury. you follow his gaze instinctively, glancing down at yourself. that’s when you notice it —not on you, but on him.
streaks of red stain his forearm, where jagged shards of glass must have cut him during the confrontation. the gash bleeds steadily, a dark line of blood seeping through the fabric of his jacket.
"wait," you breathe, your heart sinking. "you're bleeding."
your stomach twists with guilt.
"why didn’t you say anything?" you exclaim.
he shakes his head, a dismissive gesture that does nothing to ease the knot forming in your stomach. "it’s nothing," he says, but the slight furrow in his brow and the tension in his jaw betray his words.
"nothing?" you fix him with a hard glare. "idiot… you just blocked a glass bottle with your arm, don’t try to downplay this."
you grab his sleeve, tugging it gently but firmly, the fabric sliding beneath your fingers as you pull it up. “—and unless you think an infection is ‘nothing’, you’ll let me take care of this."
"hold still," you murmur as you settle beside him on the couch, your supplies spread across the coffee table in front of you.
the scent of antiseptic fills the air as you take a disinfectant wipe and gently dab it against the gash. the sting of the alcohol makes him flinch slightly, but he doesn’t pull away. you mutter a soft apology, your movements slow and deliberate as you try to be as gentle as you can.
you open a tube of ointment, squeezing a small amount onto your finger before smoothing it carefully along the edges of the cut. the cool gel glides over his skin, and you can feel the tension in his arm ease ever so slightly under your touch.
“nǐ zhème guān xīn wǒ, huì ràng wǒ wù huì de.”
if you care so much about me, i might misunderstand you.
your fingers pause briefly, the words catching you off guard. you glance up at him, but he only averts his gaze, his eyes remaining fixed on a distant spot beyond the room.
misunderstand? misunderstand what, exactly?
the bandage wraps securely around his arm as you smooth it into place. as you tuck the end of the bandage, his voice comes again, just as soft, but no less clear.
“—wù huì nǐ duì wǒ yǒu gǎn jué.”
"—misunderstand that you have feelings for me."
your brain short-circuits, and in your shock, your hands jerk. in turn, the bandage tightens way too much, causing him to wince and tense up. before you can apologise, he lets out a light chuckle.
“suǒ yǐ nǐ dān xīn wǒ… nǐ shì bù shì gù yì ràng rén xīn dòng de?”
“so you're worried about me… are you purposely trying to make my heart race?”
his words only make you more flustered, and you find yourself fumbling to fix the bandage. “i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to—”
his chuckle only grows softer, and you catch the glint of amusement in his eyes. “it’s fine.”
you quickly finish adjusting the bandage, trying to focus on anything other than how your heart is now racing. (ironically)
“you seem flustered,” he comments casually, as if he isn’t the one who just made your head spin. “did i say something wrong?”
you shake your head quickly, hoping to hide the flush creeping up your neck. "no, not at all.”
his lips twitch into the faintest hint of a smirk.
"nǐ bù bì yǎn shì, wǒ xǐ huān nǐ hài xiū de yàng zǐ, tǐng kě ài de.”
“you don’t have to hide it. i like seeing your flustered expression, it’s quite cute.”
(oh this bastard!!!!)
you try to speak, but the words get stuck in your throat. what do you say when someone’s teasing you so openly —and they think you don’t even realise it?
after a long moment, he stands, ��it’s getting late, i should get going.” alhaitham gives you a small, almost imperceptible nod, his eyes meeting yours for a brief moment —and there it was, that trace of softness reserved only for you.
he heads toward the door, you watch him, feeling a strange sense of emptiness when he turns away.
“i’ll see you,” he pauses. "...and thank you for tending to me."
you watch him leave, the door clicking softly behind him, and the silence settles back into the room.
you blink, taking a deep breath. what a rollercoaster of a day. yawning, you turn to start tidying up, but your eyes land on something on the couch.
it’s his jacket, draped over the armrest. you notice a tear on the sleeve, just where his injured forearm had been. what truly catches your attention, however, is a folded piece of paper slipping out of the pocket.
intrigued, you unfold it, revealing his neat, precise handwriting.
ACT VII: THE SECRET I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN.
To [Name], I once believed you to be little more than a nuisance. A bright, well-meaning nuisance, no doubt, but a nuisance nonetheless. One who seemed intent only on striving for perfection, always seeking to best me at every turn, not out of malice but out of some earnest desire to prove your worth. In my arrogance, I mistook your relentless pursuit for a need for recognition, as if you sought my attention in some petty rivalry. Though very quickly, you made me think otherwise. You saw the world differently, you also saw me differently. You didn’t treat me with the reverence others seemed to, nor did you shy away from challenging me. You refused to be seen as anything other than yourself; and that, in itself, was what made me admire you —what made me long to understand you more. Now, I find that I am standing with half a heart and an emptiness I never knew I could feel, because you showed me what it truly means to crave something more, something I never thought I deserved. You may think I’m a coward for not expressing my feelings more directly, perhaps you are right. I am a coward for fearing to lay bare the vulnerability of my heart. But even in my cowardice, know that my thoughts have always been of you. If you have seen through my silence and hesitation, if you understand my actions when my words fail me, then perhaps you have already known this truth. I care for you, more deeply than I can fully express. Though I may never be able to say these things as openly as I wish, I’d like you to know that my actions have always been my confession. Even now, I’m still a coward for you. So please, if you decide to give me a chance, I’ll be waiting at nightfall. Helplessly, Alhaitham.
you absentmindedly trace the edges of the letter with your fingers while your eyes skim over his writing for the nth time, the ink seeming to blur together with your thoughts as you try to process everything. your fingers curl around the fabric of his jacket, a foolish smile creeping onto your face.
tomorrow’s nightfall feels impossibly far away, yet you can’t wait for it.
alhaitham lays on his bed, his arm aches slightly from the injury, but it’s nothing he can’t ignore. plus, the bandage you had carefully wrapped around his arm is enough to keep the discomfort at bay.
(originally, he had only planned to meet you, slip you the note, and be on his way. things didn’t go exactly to plan, but either way, he hopes you’ve read it by now.)
of all the possibilities, he’s never accounted for the one he’d be at mercy of his own emotions; he had always prided himself on his rationality, his restraint. but now? he’s reckless, absurd, foolish even —he can admit that to himself. but he finds he doesn’t care in the slightest.
for as much as he is a coward in your presence, he is just as much a fool in your absence.
ACT VIII: UNDER THE RAIN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
“alhaitham isn’t really an expressive person, so don’t worry if he comes off as distant or uninterested. it’s not that he doesn’t care, he just… shows it differently.”
ah well, ‘differently’ indeed.
“—most importantly, alhaitham doesn’t waste time on people he doesn’t care about, so you must mean a lot to him.”
maybe you didn’t mind how your heart raced when you heard that.
“don’t fuss over it [name], you’ll know when he’s in love.”
how so?
if he was in love, what would it look like? would you be able to tell, or would it be just another one of those things you had to catch on to?
you wrapped the his jacket tighter around yourself, a faint smile tugging at your lips. it wasn’t the answers to those questions that mattered, but asking them in the first place —that was what made you realize you already knew all along.
the evening air is cool against your skin; a gentle breeze stirs the trees, their leaves rustling quietly, and your heart beats louder than ever, urging you forward.
in the distance, you spot him, standing still in the dim light. and without a second thought, you quicken your pace.
“haitham.”
the sound of your voice catches his attention as he turns to face you; you can’t help but notice how his gaze flickers down for just a moment, his eyes taking in on how his jacket looks on you, before meeting yours.
his posture is unnervingly perfect, rigid almost to the point of stiffness …is he nervous?
“hey,” he finally says, clearing his throat. “there’s something i need to tell you… though you’ve probably already figured it out. you’ve always been sharp.”
“i… ” he falters, and it’s the first time you see him hesitate. “i’m not sure how to put it… since i’m not exactly great at this.”
you tilt your head, subtly urging him to continue.
“but you’ve managed to make me care about things i never thought i would. and now i can’t seem to stop thinking about it —about you.” his voice lowers, softer now, but there’s a rawness there that’s unmistakable.
“i’m telling you this now, because not saying it... doesn’t feel right anymore."
suddenly, you feel a soft mist that barely kisses your skin, a slight chill against your cheeks, then a few tiny drops, until they start to gather in your hair, the beads of water slipping down the back of your neck, but you don't move. neither does he.
his hair is damp, sticking to his forehead, droplets trailing down his temple. his clothes cling to his frame, soaked by the rain, yet his attention remains solely on you.
“[name], i am irrevocably in love with you.”
you stand there, the rain falling relentlessly around you, the pitter-patter mirroring the frantic beat of your heart. the water trails down his face, but it’s hard to tell if it’s just the rain, or something else.
his lips part, as though he wants to say more, but the words seem caught in the storm, swallowed up by the downpour. the rain is cold, but his gaze? his gaze feels impossibly warm.
it’s only when you feel the dampness of his jacket beneath your fingers, that the words finally come. “you don’t need to convince me of that.”
you take a step closer, and for a moment, the world outside seems to disappear.
“i’ve known,” you add. “but hearing you say it,” you pause, allowing yourself a small smile, “makes all the difference.”
reaching up, your fingers graze his damp skin as you gently push a wet strand of hair from his forehead, the warmth of your touch lingering against his cool skin.
“'uhibuk aydan, alhaitham.”
i love you too, alhaitham.
a single droplet slides down his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw before falling to the soaked fabric of his collar. another follows. and then another. his breath catches in his throat, and a shaky exhale leaves his mouth.
you wrap your arms around him, and he sinks into your embrace, his hair tickling your cheeks, as his chest rises and falls against yours.
“you’re gonna make me cry too, idiot,” you murmur, burying your face in his chest, your eyes glassy. “you really are a fool,” you tease softly, a slight smile playing on your lips. “but only for me.”
slowly, his hands rise, trembling slightly, until they cup your cheeks, gently stroking it.
“la yujad 'ahad akhar 'urid 'an 'akun 'ahmaq min 'ajlihi.”
there’s no one else i’d ever want to be a fool for.
his palms are surprisingly warm despite the weather. his thumb grazes your cheekbone as he leans in, and the world falls away —nothing but the warmth of his presence and the soft press of his lips against yours.
“this is my first time in ten years seeing this guy cry! can you believe it?!” kaveh whisper-shouts, peeking out from behind the shrub.
nodding along, cyno agrees, poking his head out just right below the blond’s. “[name] is truly exceptional. though i must say, seeing alhaitham cry is quite tear-rifying.”
kaveh rolls his eyes in exasperation. “ugh, you and your puns.” he mutters under his breath while zooming in on his phone, which is currently recording the whole scene.
“quiet down, you two!” a voice hisses from behind them —tighnari, face flushed with panic. “they’re literally right there, and you’re making more noise than a herd of goats.”
“relax, we’re out of their line of sight anyway!” kaveh raises his phone higher, almost giddily, eyes glued to the screen. “and damn this is a good angle.”
tighnari exhales sharply, “you’re incorrigible.”
“look who’s talking,” cyno raises an eyebrow at tighnari… who’s also peeking out from behind the bush. (what a hypocrite)
…
“they kissed oh my g—” kaveh’s voice rises in disbelief, but cyno quickly covers his mouth with a swift hand. the three of them scramble to duck behind the bush just as you turn to glance in their direction.
(“is that… senior kaveh?” you squint your eyes, “cyno, and tighnari?”
alhaitham clears his throat before glancing over at his friends with a deadpan expression. “yes and unfortunately, they’re very invested in my personal life. so please don’t mind them."
you laugh, finding the whole situation a bit too amusing. “not in the slightest, but i’m sure they’ll never let you hear the end of it.”)
EPILOGUE: IN EVERY LANGUAGE, I HEAR LOVE YOU.
“how long?”
you blink, feigning confusion. “how long what?”
alhaitham’s eyes narrow slightly, an expression you know well. “how long have you understood everything i’ve been saying?”
you bite back a smile and offer a small shrug, “...ever since you started?”
his lips press into a thin line, and for a moment, you can’t tell if he’s upset or impressed. then, he sighs, almost amused. “and you let me embarrass myself all this time?”
“you were being honest,” you shrug, a smirk forming. “plus i knew you’d figure it out eventually.”
he huffs a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “may ideya ka ba kung ano ginawa mo?"
do you have any idea what you’ve done?
"mas lalong umibig sakin?"
made you fall in love with me even more?
you tease, but there’s a tenderness in your voice that softens the edge of your words.
“yes, and you really are insufferable,” he mutters with no malice. his tone is different now. softer. warmer, even.
you lean in slightly, a playful glint in your eyes. “that’s not what i heard you say before.” your fingers graze the skin of his cheek before you tenderly pinch it, giggling softly at the reaction you provoked.
in one smooth motion, he catches your hand before you can pull away and tugs you towards him, closing the distance between you in a heartbeat. you tilt your head back to meet alhaitham’s gaze.
you’ve often thought he’s the most-perfect boyfriend, undeniably handsome in every way —but there’s really just one flaw: his height.
“ugh, you’re too tall," you grumble, rubbing the back of your neck. "i’m having a neck sore just looking at you."
he quirks an eyebrow at your sudden words. “you could use a stepstool.”
"or," you counter, "you could get on your knees and save me the trouble.”
he slowly lets out a breath, his lips curling ever so slightly.
“'akida, 'antaziri hataa 'ashtari alkhatama.”
sure, just wait till i buy the ring.
"wh—"
he crosses his arms, "what’s wrong? isn’t that what people expect when someone gets on their knees?"
you roll your eyes, half-smiling. "fine, then i’ll eagerly wait for that day.”
his gaze softens as his hand reaches up, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face; his eyes drop to your lips for a moment, and you know what’s coming even before he speaks.
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