#also a lot of these have sad/bad endings
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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reading animorphs sequentially instead of in whatever random order you can get your hands on them is such a trip because you can see these kids getting progressively better at war and worse at being happy, you can see how traumatic events from one book echo into the next ones but never quite get dealt with because these kids have no real way to take care of their mental health, you can see their relationships deepening but simultaneously gaining friction and faultlines as they learn just how far they'd go for each other but also how far they'd go in general...
obviously this series was meant to be episodic in nature, and i actually think that might be the better way to first encounter it, but the arc of the series in publication order is extremely well-crafted
#though im having to take a break#i just read 16 and like. In the context of Jake's endgame it has me so fucked up#i mean it's a lot in itself especially since he doesnt really deal with any of what happened#but also like. him genuinely not knowing if he thinks fenestre killing hosts to get their yeerks is okay ot not?#its a bad turning point for him but also still so much better than where he ends up and im too sad#animorphs#tbh im very [miles studying beter meme] about this#its so good at establishing character and themes#and laying down plot hooks for later#in a format i really dont think about much#Semi-episodic book series arent really a thing anymore are they?
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Fluent Freshman - 38
PREV
If it weren’t for the fact that he and Riko had stumbled across a truly traumatizing video of his birth that they had watched secretly in Tetsuji’s office when he was away on a business trip one weekend Kevin would believe that he was born with an Exy racquet in his hand. But the image that is seared into his retinas to this day has proven that he came into this world empty handed.
That doesn’t change the fact that Kevin has spent the majority of his life utterly and completely submersed in Exy. He was trained as a Raven, he was court, he was a champion as both a Raven as a Fox and if he had his way he’d leave college with more Championships under the orange and white than the black and red.
Exy was everything in the world to him.
He could overlook many personality defects if someone brought something to the Court.
Apathetic five foot nothing who was more likely to stab him than shake his hand? Well, he’s the best goalie that Kevin had ever seen in his entire life (and that was saying something).
Tight ass who has anger management issues and will not shut the fuck up about his girlfriend now that he’s not even allowed to have? Well, he is a very solid backliner who has excellent ball handling skills (even if Aaron keeps telling him to stop saying it like that or why he keeps yelling that he’s straight).
Overly touchy, too emotional, will not shut the fuck up about his fiancé in Germany? Well, he is a very solid backliner who is great at rebounds (Kevin doesn’t get why Nicky gets mad when he says that or why he brings up Erik).
Guy who actively dislikes him and is dying for any chance to punch him and also being overly attached to his friends? He’s a great enforcer on the court and had the stamina to play far longer than the other two backliners (Why Dan always said “yeah he does” whenever Kevin commented on Matt’s stamina he will never understand, and he also doesn’t want to.)
Suspicious kid from Millport with a mouth that could strip paint and a past so shrouded in mystery that it even had Andrew perking up in interest? Well, he’s the fastest Striker in the game and the only person that has ever kept up with Kevin’s obsession with the sport. (There was the minor downside that he was the son of the Butcher and almost died before the championships, but Neil pulled through.)
He tolerated all of them and now they’re his best friends.
There are some who he does find personally objectionable but so long as Jack and Sheena manage to continue to be good on the court he doesn’t care about the many many faults in their personalities. They’re his teammates, they aren’t his friends.
He accepted that he might not like any of the others that came onto the team. For the most part he had never given a shit about before the Foxes, content with his brotherhood with Riko even if it wasn’t…perfect. Then he became friends with FF and FF had done him a truly large favor and Kevin wanted to pay that back the best way he knew how. Through his truly infallible health advice and through perfectly crafted smoothies.
Then Daniel appeared with the truth that FF truly met all requirements to be a Fox and Kevin tasted his own smoothie for the first time.
He considered both revelations to be equally upsetting.
Still…
FF was one of the best dealers Kevin had ever had the pleasure to be on Court with. The man knew his position well and interrupted offensives with an enviable ease that made Kevin wish to possibly strap some sort of device onto him and figure out how he did certain things.
It wasn’t that far off to believe that a man raised in the same environment as FF could possibly have similar talents and since Lisa fucked off back to some small town cult they really did need a good sub. Sheena was a good offensive dealer but they had games coming up where defense would be imperative and FF did not have the stamina for a full game and likely would not for quite some time considering he’d be recovering from being stabbed.
So, he’d defended Daniel’s right to try out.
At first, he had felt vindicated. Daniel kept up quite well during the initial warm-ups. Kept pace with Jack, Sheena, Aaron, Andrew, and Nicky. Kevin had been bringing up the rear mostly to make sure that Andrew didn’t stab the guy during warm-ups.
Then it was time for the first precision drill.
The other thing about how Kevin was raised is that he was raised surrounded only by the best of the best. The Ravens were at the top of the Collegiate hierarchy. The National Court used their stadium for practice.
The worst Exy that Kevin had ever seen in his entire life up until the moment that Daniel took hold of an Exy racquet was still only the worst team in Collegiate Division 1 Exy.
Then Kevin watched the ball go so wide that the entire court went silent.
All of the drills that followed were as bad, if not worse.
Kevin felt himself start to vibrate with anger the longer it went on. He started to shout corrections at Daniel but the younger man merely rolled his eyes, “I think I know what I’m doing.” He would say before pointedly proving that he did not.
Kevin only realized nearly an hour in that he had wasted his entire practice shouting himself hoarse at the actual waste of human life that was Daniel Stanton.
Kevin could accept being bad at Exy and having an inoffensive personality. Kevin could accept being good at Exy and having a bad personality.
Kevin could not accept being bad at Exy and having a bad personality.
Coach Wymack called the practice to an end and Kevin thought that he’d manage to keep his anger mostly inside (he is ignoring the near hour of practice he spent screaming directions) when Daniel decided to deliver the Coup de Grace.
Sweat soaking his bangs, panting, and without a single thing done correctly (even the way he was currently holding his borrowed Exy racquet set Kevin’s teeth on edge) the man had the gall, the gumption, and the absolute AUDACITY to come up to the coach.
“So, where do I sign?” he asks.
Kevin sees red and unleashes hell.
***
This was the most fun Andrew has had at a practice since he started having to come to them.
The look of embarrassment on Daniel’s face as Kevin accurately tore into everything he did wrong on the Court and every personal failing that Kevin could home in on. His attention shifted away to FF sitting in the stands near the University official who was shaking her head at the obvious poor showing. The University may have wanted Daniel around to spruce up the Fox’s marketability but even they couldn’t let someone so obviously awful onto one of their few Division 1 teams.
FF was sat sipping one of Kevin’s god awful smoothies looking completely unshocked by Daniel’s showing.
Kevin turned his attention to FF, “You said he was good!” Kevin points at the freshman as he continues to sip the drink.
Andrew interrupts, “He never said he was good.” He remembers the conversation so exactly and there are few things he loves more than having the opportunity to rub it in Kevin’s face when the man is wrong, “He said ‘Daniel has always been athletic’ never anything about him being good.” Andrew reminds.
Kevin whips back around to Daniel, “Have you ever even played Exy?” Kevin demands.
“I didn’t think it’d be hard to pick up.” Daniel argues crossing his arms defensively.
It sets Kevin off on another furious rant.
Andrew had thought that FF didn’t have a mean bone in his body and he’s quite pleased to have been proven wrong. The thought that FF had let Daniel get all the way into embarrassing himself in such a way?
Andrew had to give him props.
“How does it feel getting to watch this idiot crash and burn?” he asks coming to the glass.
“Really thought he could manage it if I could.” FF says with a shrug that has Aaron bark out a laugh.
“You really figured?” Aaron asks coming to stand next to Andrew.
FF just shrugs again, “I mean I also started not knowing how to play and now I’m on a pretty good team.” He says as if FF starting as a child not knowing how to play is the same as someone walking in demanding a spot on a college team.
Nicky lets out a laugh.
“Oh, Smithy I could kiss you.” Nicky laughs and makes his way towards the Court entrance to likely do exactly that moving past a Daniel who was so red in the face with embarrassment and anger that he looked as if he was about to turn purple.
Andrew tuned in.
“…small pond. The only reason you ever felt like you were worth anything is that Smiths was too nice to put you in your place before now!” Kevin was probably talking about medium-sized fish in a small pond but Andrew didn’t really care to know.
“Are you going to let him talk to me like this?!” Daniel finally turned to Wymack.
“Kevin, you shouldn’t talk to the public like that.” Wymack says without a hint of chastisement in his voice.
Kevin still straightened at the reminder, “You’re right. Sorry coach.” Kevin sneered at Daniel, “Get off the court before you taint it.” He hisses.
“You’re really not going to sign me?!” Daniel demands.
“Why would I?” Wymack asks with a raised brow.
“You took a chance on John!” Daniel points towards FF.
Andrew watches as Wymack’s face does something he’d rarely seen it do, it goes utterly and completely cold. “I don’t take chances with my kids.” He spat, “I give my kids a second chance. Get the hell off of my court.” He hisses.
Daniel’s face purples further before he stomped off of the Court.
“Don’t you dare walk off with that racquet! It’s worth more than you!” Kevin shouts after him and Andrew in that moment realizes that Daniel is going to do something stupid.
And FF is on the other side of the Plexiglass with only Nicky at his side.
It’s like watching a train crash.
Daniel might say something, but Andrew doesn’t know. He sees Neil rushing as well, his sense of danger always well-honed but Neil had been in Captain mode in the moments before walking some of the sophomore and freshmen through what they had done wrong.
Neither of them will make it in time.
Daniel throws his racquet, and he throws it right at FF barely 5 feet away in the stands.
The Racquet blows past FF’s head and Andrew lets out a breath.
Then before it could crash into the seats behind him and break FF’s hand wrapped around the shaft of the stick and stopped it’s trajectory.
“Your aim really isn’t getting any better by not listening to Kevin’s advice.” Smith says as he twirls the racquet in his hand so that the net was on the ground. “Also, don’t break the equipment, like Kevin said it’s pretty expensive.” He says.
Daniel let out a primal scream but where Andrew had stalled out to watch the miraculous catch Matt Boyd had not. Daniel was tackled to the ground by the backliner, “Absolutely not.” Matt said with a scowl.
“Smithy are you okay?” Andrew hears Nicky ask.
“Yeah, why?” FF asks as if he hadn’t just been attacked but considering everything that Andrew had seen it wouldn’t shock him if Daniel’s attacks were just par for the course back home for FF. “The racquet looks okay too.” He adds.
“Coach Wymack,” The University representative made their way down looking flustered at the outburst of violence.
Obviously not someone who regularly watched Exy or paid attention to their team.
“This is why I wanted absolute control over who does and who doesn’t get a shot here.” Wymack hisses pointing at Daniel as he struggled under Matt.
“You have our sincere apologies for this.” She says looking at Daniel, “He didn’t… we thought he’d be good for the team’s culture but it seems like we may have misjudged-“
“That guy just tried to take Smithy out!” Nicky interrupts.
“I told you he was dangerous.” Neil adds.
“Can someone call campus security?” Matt asks from the ground, “This jackass keeps aiming for kidney punches and I would like to not be pissing blood during winter break.” Matt requests.
“O-of course!” the University representative says fumbling for her cell phone.
Andrew looked at Matt and figured that the backliner had a handle on that particular mess at the moment.
He made his way over to FF and Nicky who was checking over the freshman.
“Nice catch.” He says.
FF shrugs, “It’s my racquet he was borrowing.” He says, “I didn’t want to get a new one.” He adds.
***
FF watches as campus security took custody of Daniel as he continued to spit and scream. There are talks about pressing charges, but FF just wants Daniel off of the campus and away from him. It’s Jack of all people who says that getting a restraining order is a great way to make sure Daniel stays the hell away from him and FF nods consideringly.
Honestly, he’s still mostly in shock he managed to catch his racquet the way he had. His reflexes weren’t quite up to snuff since he’d been trying to catch the netting, but his hand only closed around the shaft.
Embarrassing.
He really hopes no one teases him about his slower reflexes.
“He needs to be charged for assault at least.” Kevin hisses as they watch the security officers take Daniel away.
“It’d be attempted assault.” Aaron corrects.
“He assaulted my eyes with his Exy.” Kevin insists.
“If that counted as assault, don’t you think I would have pressed charges for all the times I have had to see you dance at Eden’s?” Neil asks. “Also, you’re the one that insisted he try-out.” He reminds.
“Smiths told me he was good!” Kevin screeches.
“No, we’ve been over this Day. Smithy said he was athletic.” Nicky reminds. “Are you going to do what Jack suggested?” he asks turning to FF.
“I’d like to see significantly less of Daniel.” FF admits.
“You know he did actually commit assault, if I pee blood I’m making Kevin go buy me pads.” Matt says.
“Whatever.” Kevin says as they continued to make their way back to the dorm to get ready for the day.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
#Fluent Freshman AU#Up next is the Winter banquet and Winter break#looking forward to that as well#I'd like to thank Snow for their help with some decisions made in this chap#and declunkifying some of my phrasing#I would also like to thank the new Jujutsu Kaisen OP for being a banger#also Unfathomed Force from Trails to Azure OST for continuing to be a banger#Grandma Smith is heading home in the next part which makes me sad even if she hasn't featured a lot in the drafts since the hospital#Daniel absolutely ends up punching a security guard#And ending up in like a holding cell at a real police station#He has one call#And he calls Smith's number demanding he come and help him get out#too bad the only number he has is a phone sitting in Wymack's desk#Guess someone else is gonna have to come and pay bail and help Daniel outta there#also my apologies for putting Daniel on u Elle Woods but it's for the meme#Also also I would like to give a shoutout to Matt Boyd who made the 'save of the day'#Its an award usually for goalies but u da real MVP today#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG AU#FF - 38
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yet again thinking abt how dunmeshi is helping me fix my relationship with food,,,,,,,, thank u lord for giving me a reason to enjoy food and enjoy eating and enjoy cooking so I can Normally take care of myself like a normal adult my age can
#kinda ventposting in tags my bad#yippee we’re solving my food problems#honestly main problem is my low appetite plus I don’t realize when I am hungry usually#and also I think food is gross like I think eating is gross#BUT. I am and have been putting in effort for years to try and fix this and I’m currently having a tough time#because I got sick and lost a lot of weight which like#losing weight isn’t inherently bad just like gaining weight isn’t bad#it’s just that I lost it bc I was sick so I’m sad abt the effort spent just to end up losing it#BUT BUT BUT I am eating regularly again and thinking abt the silly cooking show helps#especially since watching the episodes makes me hungry#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi
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uuhhh in other new that lmk s5 trailer dropped and people are very
mixed
for context the new season is being partly animated by wildbrain i think. flying bark is still working on the show but probably due to all the other projects they've been working on like the atla movie the animation is off.
its understandable that people are upset. lmk has some of the most consistently dynamic and lively animation ive ever seen, and going from that to ok animation kinda sucks. as a culmination of a lot of what the series has been building up to people were inevitably going to be disappointed
at the same time people shouldnt harass animators. like ever. no amount of trying to petition or anything will change the s5, people are just trying to do their job and theres no probably no major changing to the finished product by now. and theres still a lot of that lmk charm in there, and we haven't even seen the whole season yet to judge it. flying bark is still working on it, and even if the animation never reaches the peak of the old seasons it still has the same writers so at least the writing has the chance to live up old standards. idk though we'll just have to wait and see
#i do think they could have just delayed it after dealing with other projects but with the anniversary lego might have jsut forced them????#and with how the animation industry is i guess they didnt have a choice#tbh im still really sad about the downgrade but after rewatching the trailer a bit more its not that bad despite the tweening#we've been spoiled with the other seasons but i think people will get used to it at some point. maybe#though i cant forgive some of the new stuff like li jing and that dragon tiger duo they do not fit the artstyle at all#though for li jing i think the problem is mostly proportions and how small his eyes look#but the dragon and tigers snouts just look bad.#ok looking at it again i think it looks weird because theyre dissolving. the design's still off but it wasn't as bad as i first thought.#but the proportions and shapes feels like it just isn't from lmk#idk i could nitpick but negativity is tiring and these guys have big shoes to fill for a show they werent prepared for it was inevitable#for any last takeaways please do not be mean to the animators#also studio changes are normal so its not some horrible injustice or the sign of the end times im more upset lego didn't handle it better#i still hope s5 is good and i want to believe it'll still be satisfying by the end the plot so far sounds pretty interesting#or atleast that the atla movie is good enough to compensate#and if im feeling greedy there will be a 6th season that gets better#and there are still good shots throughout all of this so maybe it'll work out with the season as a whole#with how popular it is in china i dont think its out of the question#idk though a lot of information is still up in the air so i guess we just wait#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#alttalks
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i hate when people portray michael and/or patrick as some kind of master manipulator who was terrible to shaun and stormy. like, in the past, michael sometimes got portrayed with little autonomy, or as childish and overly innocent in a weird way. that in itself is an issue with the treatment of mentally ill characters (infantilization), but the solution isn't to argue that he's actually a monster who only wanted to hurt and mislead people. the same goes for patrick. i don't enjoy the "goofy flirty mass murderer" interpretation for very similar reasons, because in the canon patrick did indeed do some wild shit but i think it's a stretch to say it was out of malice, except maybe towards eric lol
obviously there will be different views of these characters and this isn't meant to be gatekeep-y or anything, i'm just concerned with how certain portrayals can quickly slide into negative biases towards mental illness. i think if you're going on this route you might want to ask yourself why, and consider how it could make the mentally ill people within the fandom feel when they see their own symptoms portrayed by their peers as synonymous with being dishonest or manipulative
#og#not putting this in the tags because i'm kinda just spilling my thoughts onto a post#i just saw something about michael on another site and it really rubbed me the wrong way#i know a lot of this came from habit saying all that shit in GOODBYE to shaun#i just dont understand why people think habit was telling the truth#he did explicitly say he wanted to break shaun after all. and we all know how Honest And Reliable he was with vinny#like. in the series nothing points to michael being the secret cause of everyone's woes. i would argue it was implying otherwise#and i feel... sad that i sometimes see him being blindly characterized as a complete asshole or as Super Manipulative#like... i had to deal with most people in the fandom hating shaun not that long ago until it started to change for some reason#and frankly? id really rather not watch that same bullshit happen to poor michael. the guy was just trying his best....#i sometimes see this sort of thing from people who really like shaun and i just wanna say#you don't have to twist everything michael did into some terrible action just because you feel bad for shaun#like for starters there's plenty of times where they're both wrong. or miscommunicate. or where ones right but says it in a terrible way#and it's also like. yeah michael fucked up sometimes but you'd have to be high to think the same isn't true of them all#idk. im rambling and idk how to end these tags. ummmm. yeag
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an unnecessary reminder i will go to bat any day of the week for james sunderland.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[listen. i know he can be interpreted a lot of ways. i know he’s a useless weird apathetic shitty cis white man. i know he’s weird and sad.#and do I hate characters like james usually? oh absolutely. but the man has potential to not be terrible and it’s all there in his source#material. plus the weird implication i always feel when we know his dad owns the apartment building in silent hill 4 and ‘his son and#daughter in law disappeared in sh’ which aligns with the in water ending. and confirms the body in the car. but my other vibe is… where was#anyone helping james while Mary was sick…? he was super young and so was she. was he just literally taking on this terminal illness on his#own without any real support? that’s the implication considering this trauma wouldn’t have scarred him to this degree if he HAD a support#system during Mary’s illness. the man was literaly left to deal with the love of his life PROBABLY newly married slowly dying. and totally#unprepared he tried to do the best he could with a horrible situation. Mary was the victim here unquestionably — he fucking killed her— but#what the fuck kind of neglect has to go into a situation to a level so prolonged that he cracks and does it? how many people DIDNT help him#OR Mary during her illness? how many people just didn’t care? deciding ‘James is bad and he did it because he’s selfish and terrible’ isn’t#realistic. and also no. he didn’t do it because he couldn’t have sex with her anymore we get it blah blah pyramid head. if you take it THAT#straightforward idk what to tell you. nothing is. and this game is only more complex the older i get.]
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Haha, this Winterkov stuff is fun- where did all these other feelings come from (Patreon)
#Doodles#And to think it's still all Winter's fault lol#I would not be feeling even a fraction of what I'm feeling if not for still being Very about him even with Petrigrof so at the forefront#He inspired a lot! How rude lol#He can't be blamed for All of it of course - the Petrigrof dynamic is extremely cute discounting him entirely lol#Throwing it into relief against Winterkov makes for some very interesting thoughts tho lol#The dynamics are different! As expected when substituting one character for another lol#But even the Winterkov dynamic can be looked at through a Petrigrof lense - of how much Simon was shaped by Betty#Of how much of him is human - how much is effected by Magic/Madness/Sadness - how they slot together and grow into themselves!#It's all interesting! They're very interesting! And in love! And cute!#Big love always gets me real bad haha ♪ I just love love - especially so when it's got some meat to it hehe#Betty and Simon are/were very good for each other and it's extremely sad that they never got to grow together into marriage et al#And/but they were also very flawed people! That would've come up at some point in their relationship even if they were overall happy#And what Simon has brought with him through the gift that Betty gave him I just jdklsafhdsf#I do really love them they have such good chemistry and fun motivations and what they end up doing in relation to each other!#Fun to dissect#Adventure Time#Simon Petrikov#Betty Grof#Petrigrof
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...
#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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more on the outer worlds and comparing to BG3 since that's just the last game i played. the diff is massive...
Baldurs Gate moral choices are like. do you want to:
Save someone's life
Kill everyone
Outer Worlds moral choices:
To save yourself you must destroy one community over another by taking their electricity away.
This self-absorbed scientist who endangered his staff wants his research back so he can get a promotion; but seems to regret his actions if you press. (and he kills himself if his staff die)
DISCLAIMER: i realize the big difference between a fantasy video game about saving the world from a giant brain vs a satirical sci-fi shooter
#sam crying#also dw i love baldurs i dumped 480 hours into it#i just dont think it makes you question anything says anything new#which is sad because it started out as though it was going to be a commentary on the forgotten realms' gods being tyrants#and then stopped doing that#and on the flip side. it's a little sad the outer worlds only has two possible endings: good and bad#but a lot got cut from that game too#idk#id say theyre probably both around 4/5 stars for me?#maybe 3.5/5 for bg3 as i have some issues with it. 1 star taken off for gauntlet of shar
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wanted to compile some more finale/other F&C grievances I'd been writing over the past few months before going into next year, some rant-like and some more coherent (under the read more)
#sorry- you can scroll away if not interested I just needed to be in my disgruntled zone for a minute but not really debate 😔#I refrained from posting a few of the thoughts at the risk of sounding too salty online#it always makes me sad bc the last thing I wanted to feel towards this is bitter#like I'd much rather be happy with what was done than to gripe over it but it's really hard to#even the scenes I did enjoy from the finale are hard to look at knowing what it ends up as ( ´_`)#adventure time#fionna and cake#petrigrof#simon petrikov#betty grof#at#my post#I'll most likely have additional thoughts next year but I figured I'd post the 2023 thoughts in 2023#I really do love these characters lots so that's probably why it hurts so bad#also I'm sorry for the negative posting- I promise I prefer not to I just needed to get this off my chest 😭
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Might be showing my age a little bit here, but did any of you guys also play Super Princess Peach on the DS when you were kids? It was one of my favorite DS games when I was younger, and the impending release of Princess Peach Showtime has gotten me thinking about it again. I still have my cartridge for it, and I also still have the original case and instruction booklet that came with it.
Even after all these years it still works too! Can’t believe that this game is almost twenty years old!
#text post#not Kirby#I’m going to be really sad if Princess Peach Showtime ends up being bad#I don’t want to have waited almost two decades for another Peach game only for it to be terrible#I loved Super Princess Peach when I was a kid it was one of my favorite DS games#I think it was also one of my first DS games#the very first ones I remember playing on my DS are this Nintendogs New Super Mario Bros DS and Sonic Rush#I also played Kirby Squeak Squad and Super Star Ultra a lot as a kid Squeak Squad was my first Kirby game#I know people tend to not like Squeak Squad that much in the fandom but I like it even if the whole cake storyline is kind of silly#I played it so much as a kid that I think the soundtrack is permanently embedded into my brain lmao#I have a lot of nostalgia for the DS as a console and also for the Wii#those were like the two main consoles I played games on as a kid they were a big part of my childhood#I have a lot of happy memories of playing games on these consoles they both had a really good selection of games#not sure if anyone else gets this feeling when they revisit games from their childhood#but for me playing through my old childhood games again feels a little like visiting an old friend you haven’t seen in a while#there’s something comforting about it like it’s familiar and it brings back happy memories#I’m glad that I still have all of my old DS games it’s nice to revisit them now and then
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i havent seen mha since i was like 13, is uraraka and blood girl yuri canon?
technically no but to me yeah it very much is but tragically
#it's complicated. so like toga is obviously in love with uraraka#and they end up over the course of the series having several complex moments that result in uraraka realizing she's just another teen girl#and she wants to save her she starts really empathizing with toga#this culminated in their part of the final war arc#wherein they're fighting and toga's upset about like. society and heroes as per#talking about how everyone just wants her dead cause of her quirk and whatnot#uraraka is telling her she wants to talk to her and that she's sorry for not understanding earlier#toga is saying it's too late and uraraka just continues telling her she wishes she knew what happened to her when she was younger#and she tells toga she has a lovely smile and then tells her she wants to give toga her blood for the rest of her life#and that she wants the two of them to talk about romance. and that she wants to touch that sadness deep inside toga#toga stabs uraraka at some point so she's bleeding pretty bad and also they're in the sky cause of uraraka's quirk#and then uraraka tells toga she's the cutest girl in the world and passes out midair#and when they hit the ground and toga can see she'll probably die she decides to drink some of uraraka's blood to turn into her#so she can give her a blood transfusion and save her life. she says smth#like “what if I had found a love that made me want to give blood sooner? I think it would've been much easier to live in this world”#and she passes out next to uraraka and says “I'm himiko toga and I lived exactly how I wanted to”#this presumably kills her. she is never found after the final battle#but you can see why I think it should count as canon and REQUITED given that uraraka verbally reciprocates#all of toga's standard ways of talking about love and romance#like. giving and taking blood IS romantic to toga. so why is uraraka offering her blood to toga🤨🤨🤨#uraraka then in the epilogue as a pro hero apparently does lots of quirk counseling work. um. crazy#alo apparently they were created and written for each other. so#blood girl yuri!!#ask#supercoolswampert#hi hanaan!
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#I haven’t posted in a while- I’ve changed shifts due to my partner getting a new job so I’m going through a transition rn#but hey is it normal for a cutesy otome game to maybe change your life a little bit?#cheritz really said ‘we matched you with this character who has a back story you can oddly relate to a LOT’#‘he’s also coincidentally a therapist’#‘also he has all the same coping mechanisms you’ve used in your past to cope with stress’#‘watch as he grows and learns to love himself and therefore learn how to better love others! won’t that be fun?’#meanwhile I’ve been having what feels like an out of body experience lol#like oh that’s how people see it when I do those things#hey maybe my hatred for myself really has messed up relationships with people who genuinely care about me#maybe not giving people a chance to get to know the real me is a bad thing actually#also I love him so much lol#tomorrow is my last day of his route and I love it#I’m so sad that it’ll be done but also so glad that I get to see where it ends up
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That one post of my mine predictably aged like fine wine. Never let somebody on comic twitter in the writer's room😭😭😭 Like imagine a 1 to 1 adaptation of literally any event?? -1b at the box office. "Who are these people???"
#Anywayyy I'm writing a retelling of DC and it is honestly so fun to imagine the characters in a new but familiar light#Like the biggest reason why I was never interested in writing fanfic before 2 months ago is because I never felt like those characters were#I felt... uncomfortable writing it not because i thought fanfic was bad or anything but because I felt it was weird to write for example#“XYZ DID THIS AND DID THAT AND DID THIS” like maybe he did?? I wouldn't know I don't know him like his creator!!!#But comic characters feel like more flexible due to the many interpretations over the years but firm enough where I can decide how to take#Certain traits and minimize them or expand on them#Also 1 to 1 adaptations suck balls to write. I'm not sure if that's universal but the whole fun of writing is coming up with new ideas#Writing a straight adaptation would be kind of writing a translation into a new medium. Which isn't bad. Novelization are literally those#But a common sentiment among writers I've seen is that Novelizations aren't that fun either unless you get to experiment either#Adapting comics into a new format and retelling them is kind of hell because you have all these intersecting plotlines and insane events#That's just tangled up in a story with a timeline that literally makes its contradictions into plot lines. But it's FUN coming up with ways#To condense a character's origin and sort of rewire it into the story you want to tell. Because yeah I think a lot of people miss is#that at end of the day#you tell stories about people and their struggles. You need to find a way to fit those moments of joy sadness love.#Like a movie about Jason Todd being RH will never be emotional as Jason Todd dying because you'll have less time to feel the love and pain#that Bruce felt for him. Like sure#flashbacks and exposition but that can only go so far. At the end of the day#It will always be about RH vs Batman. That's what people came to see. But that's not all Jason is. He was Robin before he was RH. A 1 to 1#Adaptation will never translate that to screen. Plus you (sadly) have shared universes now and a movie can only jump around in time so much#For example in my fic if I wanted to add Tim and faithful to his source material I would need to add so MUCH about Jason death#About like Bruce grieving without skipping all over that and missing the human element. It would severely mess up pacing.#I don't know i love how adaptations can make you see the characters in a new light or elevate the source material#Iwtv my beloved doesn't adapt the books exactly but reimagined in it a way that I like much more#Anyway this proves my point about comic fans being weirdly childish and omfg I hate to use this term...anti intellectual 😮💨😮💨😮💨#Everyone who writes or yknow reads should like understand this on a fundamental level. One to one adaptations are safe but boring.#Like the Psycho remake was bad not because it made bad changes but it barely made any changes.#Anyway watch amc iwtv to understand good adaptations better than your average comic stan on twtter#Not a rant I just love discussing adaptations#Long tags
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