#also I think I have a chemical burn from my deodorant

[albedobeheading]

I just annihilated my face

[ur-dad-satan]

I know it's 8 am right now, HOWEVER, I have headcanons I need to get out of my brain before they're all I can think about... That being said: I have Obey Me! Headcanons about how I think the characters would smell. This is based on sleep deprived delusion and nothing else <3

I feel like most of the characters would wear some type of Cologne or perfume that perfectly encapsulates their personality or vibe. Like I know that's the purpose of Cologne/perfume but hear me out.

Luci would smell like some fancy Cologne with hints of vanilla and maybe even coffee. Not coffee breath, but maybe like his soap smells like coffee or Shea butter.

Mam would smell like an expensive Cologne with some really masculine scent like Cedarwood and like sea breeze or something. OR he would smell like men's deodorant and the smell of the two together would be intoxicating. (I'm getting off topic)

Contrary to popular belief, Levi would smell really good if not clean. Like he would probably smell like some type of soap and maybe sometimes some Ruri themed perfume for special occasions. Aside from that, he would just smell like soap. Maybe sea salt and something else.

Sat would also probably smell like a fancy cologne but I feel like he would also have like undertones of something familiar that you can't put your finger on. It's not indescribable, but it's so hard to pinpoint.

Asmo would smell like some type of fruit perfume or a delicate flower. I feel like he would also almost always use body glitter filled perfume/lotion for special events or when he felt extra pretty.

Beel probably wouldn't wear any perfume/cologne regularly but he never stinks. Not even when he's drenched in sweat; he actually kinda smells sweet. It's a subtle sweetness that you can only smell if he's close enough

Belphie also wouldn't wear cologne/perfume on a regular basis, but he also wouldn't stink. He would probably smell like fresh linens. He wouldn't quite smell like laundry detergent, but fresh sheets and pillowcases. It's a relaxing and comforting smell.

Dia would definitely smell like some fancy cologne. It's probably a gift from Luci that he likes to wear around him the most. I don't know why, but I get cinnamon vibes from him. Like his soap would be cinnamon scented and it gives a slight spice to his not quite savory cologne.

Barbs would smell like tea. He would do this on purpose. So no one can smell the bloodlust he feels for Solomon. I'm thinking like some type of green tea, jasmine tea blend with a hint of vanilla or something else sweet. He takes great pride in how he smells and loves when people complement him on it.

Luke would smell like cupcakes and icing. It's not just cause he's a kid or anything, but he goes out if his way to use sweet smelling products. He likes the way they make him feel and keep his skin soft. Everyone loves it. Not a single person complains.

Sim would smell like something natur-y like flowers or some type of tree. Maybe a nice spring day if that makes sense. This smell would mix with the smell of his deodorant -probably a pretty masculine smelling one- and be heavenly (no pun intended). He would know that he smells good but not how good he smells.

Solo would smell like a nice human world cologne. I feel like he would wear a basic deodorant and let his cologne do all the heavy lifting. It would be something like burning wood or like some type of ocean mist. (Y'all don't know how hard it was to not just tear Solomon a new asshole just then and IDK why)

Being mean to solomon under the line <3

Solomon would wear shower in a can and smell like fucking axe body spray. He almost certainly had a hippy phase in the 60s where he did a LOT of drugs and then he had an emo phase in the 2000s and can most definitely sing the entirety of Welcome to The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance.

[blametheeditor]

Just read the perfume/smell stories and all I could think about was either “you didn’t wear deodorant today/you haven’t showered, have you?” Or someone shrinking and just getting hit with hella enhanced smell like imagine getting shrunk and being face to face with a shoe. That’d smell horrid. One of the added challenges of tinies, especially newly shrunken tinies. Or like they shrink and you finally notice the amount of perfume David wears, and almost dying.

Anon, I am so sorry I took so long with responding to this!

I took some creative liberties, there was a literal tug-of-war, but I hope you enjoy it because I genuinely loved the idea and I hope it shows! Thank you for sharing!

The Finer Things

Content Warnings: Cursing, treating those as lesser than, mentions of dehumanization. Mentions of threats and violence

Not me writing for a week and walking out covered in blood, sweat, and tears

____________________________

Scott learned that every human has a distinct smell to them. 

The first time he told Vincent his revelation, his best friend immediately began to endlessly tease him about it. And yes, looking back, it was a slightly weird thing to just announce. Of course Vincent didn’t hold it against him or make a giant deal about it, but did the older really have to constantly lean over to quietly ask the smells of anyone who walked by as well as random inanimate objects? 

Vincent would say yes. He would also say it’s because of him that Scott realized that while humans do have different scents, it was only able to be noticed when Scott shrank.

Because of course Scott is a size shifter. And of course he didn’t know how to control it to keep from randomly shrinking and growing. He’s just thankful Vincent had been the one to walk into the backroom when he shrunk down to just under three inches tall in the middle of his shift. Because anyone else would have snatched up off the ground to look him over, or put him in a pocket to take home, or even crush him. Instead all Vincent did was slowly sit on the ground in front of the door to keep anyone from barging in as he laughed. 

“This is how you keep disappearing on me, Scotty?” 

That moment had been filled with terror and relief. But the main thing that stood out was it was the first time Scott was shrunk while around a human who knew he was. A trustworthy one who smelled like a fire burning fresh maple wood in a chimney. 

Then information just started pouring in. The realization he could smell the solution they use to clean the tables and reheated pizzas made of nothing but chemicals as they clung to Vincent’s uniform. That while humans are loud, their voices also rumble through the air like thunder rather than just boom. And he knew just how big they were compared to him at that size, but nothing prepared him for the undeniable fact he didn’t even stand as tall as Vincent’s first finger. 

The most important take away however was to never give Vincent another opportunity to have a dubbed ‘pocket Scotty’ in his possession again. One that Scott miserably failed at. Especially once a certain someone found out that leaping out from behind corners at the end of their shift to scare the shorter was a sure way to earn a shrunken Scott to take home. 

“It’s called training, Scotty. It’s not my fault you’re not taking the lessons to heart!” 

“Th-The only lesson is to avoid corners and certain j-j-jerks, Vince!” 

Vincent might’ve been grabby, clearly enjoyed it when Scott would shrink down, but he knew when to keep his hands away. Didn’t bat an eye when one day his scaring tactic didn’t acquire a form that had been pocketed numerous times before, he instead had to look up at a giant hunched down to keep from accidentally destroying the hallway. 

“So it is tied to emotions.” 

“Vince!” 

Scott should have known there might have been something more going on based on such a comment. It was too on the nose, and it almost sounded like the older was researching him. But he had been a little panicked someone would find out he could become a giant at any moment to really think about it. Didn’t question why Vincent’s first priority was to make him take deep breaths. Could only focus on the genuine relief as he managed to get control of his shifting enough to stay at 5’ 7”. 

Surprisingly, there was actually a period where Vincent stopped scaring him after that. Instead of appreciating the break for however long it was going to be however, he only felt trepidation. Fear that his best friend was actually afraid of him due to the incident. Worried it just dawned on Vincent how dangerous it is to be friends with a size shifter. 

Either Vincent was a mind reader, or he had Scott down to a science, because the day the thought he might’ve scared off his best friend was the day the routine of getting scared in order to have Scott shrink got reinstated. 

“What do I smell like again?” 

Scott looked down from where he stood on the back of Vincent’s couch, heart racing at amber eyes locked on him from where the taller laid. Did a once over to locate where the hands that had a habit of snagging him were until he spotted them being used as a makeshift pillow, safely tucked under Vincent’s head and therefore unable to grab him with total surprise. Knew he was safe with this particular human, but there were times when his instincts demanded he run away as fast as possible. 

“Are you, uh, g-going to tease me about it?” 

A Chesire grin immediately spread across Vincent’s face. “Me? Tease you? Scotty, I am clearly above such childish things.” 

“Clearly,” Scott snorted. “You’re like...a fireplace. And d-don’t say a word.” 

Vincent made a show of snapping his mouth shut before he offered a curious look. “When do you smell it?” 

“Uh, right now?” 

“Just right now, or anytime you’re around me?” 

Scott couldn’t help having taken a few steps back from the questions. “W-Why do you want to know?” 

Up until that point, Vincent hadn’t pried too much into the details of Scott shrinking or growing. He asked when there were genuine protests about too tight grips or getting lifted up too quickly. There were questions on if Scott felt okay or if he needed anything, but those were asked long before the reveal he was a size shifter. 

That day was the first time it felt like an interrogation, and Vincent immediately winced. 

“My mechanic side is showing, isn’t it?” 

It took Scott a moment to realize it wasn’t an interrogation. Because his best friend did always ask questions about something he didn’t know on the biases of wanting to know how it worked. When that didn’t get him what he wanted, then Vincent would resort to taking whatever peaked his interest completely apart because he’s a mechanic through and through. 

Of course Scott was safe from last resorts, but it left Vincent needing to rely on questions. And that realization made him relieved on how and why his best friend had picked up on so much due to observation. Though it was guaranteed he’d start avoiding screws and wrenches at all costs in the future. 

“How long have you been suffering?” 

“Every day, Scotty. This entire month has been agonizing.” 

That was why he trusted Vincent. And Scott hoped that maybe having his best friend in the loop would make things easier for him. At the very least possibly gain a few pity points that could earn him a few ‘scare-free day’ cards to use as he saw fit. 

“Alright, st-start at the top.” 

“Explain your theory on why people have individual smells.” 

“I guess I really only notice when I shrink, but I, uh, a-also notice a lot of things when I’m at this size. Like the reason you hate the coffee you make here is b-because there’s burnt grounds stuck in the machine.” 

He was blinked at for a few moments until the dots connected. “You only tell me this now! You explored the kitchen weeks ago!” 

“You’d use me a-as a bloodhound! And I was mad at you f-for trapping me under a cup!” 

“Damn straight I will, and I’ll trap you again!” 

Vincent didn’t, both using him as a bloodhound and trapping him under a cup. If anything he got better at being a giant, keeping his voice soft even when they got riled up. Assumed correctly being three inches tall means getting cold easily. But what Scott will always be grateful for was his best friend converting everything into odorless products both for personal use and around the restaurant. Scott never realized how much the scent of bleach mixed with chemicals meant to smell like lemon made his head feel foggy. 

Then it all...disappeared. 

He lost his best friend. Afton got a hold of Scott. Over ten years passed, and Scott was completely on his own when it came to shrinking or growing while in public, though it only happened once a month if ever rather than the previous minimum of once a week. 

Afton was never told Scott was a size shifter. He figured it out, of course he did, but Vincent wasn’t the one who gave away such crucial information. Didn’t write down all of the data he collected over the years into a nice file to send for Afton to do whatever the hell he wanted with. And maybe that was why there weren’t many...experiments when it came to his abilities. Or maybe he was using a new tactic and wanted to wait to see how he could use it to his advantage without making it obvious. 

Because there was no way Afton didn’t know. Just because they never discussed it doesn’t mean the cruel man doesn’t already possess full knowledge. 

But through it all Scott is...grateful for what Vincent did in the short amount of time the man acted like his best friend. It had been fun while it lasted. 

And then the guards came into his life. 

There hadn’t been any, he’ll say, bumps in the road when it came to Scott’s emotions getting the best of him. He wasn’t sixteen years old anymore, Afton did a number on him, so he was just numb. Unaffected by everything around him. Almost as unemotional as Vincent. 

Who knew someone like David would make his temper flair up immediately? And who knew Scott would’ve immediately grew multiple inches because it had been years since such an emotion ever rose up in him. 

Scott didn’t, David certainly didn’t, that meant the newly hired owner of Fazbear Entertainment Center had an upper hand over his ‘supervisor’. One he constantly dangled over Scott’s head to get things he wanted but would previously receive too much resistance for. 

But it wasn’t just David. Mike standing toe-to-toe with the animatronics who would kill him as soon as they got the chance had Scott also growing to yank the young man away from certain death. Eggs pulling a Vincent by jumping out from behind a corner made Scott lose several notable inches because his mind needed a few moments to fully register the blond hair and blue eyes. 

It got so bad Vincent noticed. Somehow brought out the man he once knew before everything. It wasn’t perfect, Scott knows he’ll never get his best friend back, but there was a spark of life hiding within the deadpan voice that greeted him to state the purple man was joining in the routine inspection. 

“When was the last time you shifted, Scotty?” 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m fine.” 

“Me hearing about Eggs planning something big for you tells me otherwise.” 

That forced Scott to remember why hiding his abilities was so important. David might not know that if he pressed the rights buttons he’d have Scott literally in the palm of his hand, but Eggs does. And it sent a shiver down his spine thinking what the younger man’s end goal is. 

“...it’s been a while.” 

“I suggest you practice a bit this week and brace yourself. Mikey did say he’d like to see you pin Eggs down, though.” 

That was all Scott was given. Because Vincent knew he wasn’t trusted anymore and any offer to join on a shifting night would be denied firmly and immediately. 

He’ll admit, it might’ve been entertaining to watch Eggs’ attempts to make him shrink get foiled. The best part is that it wasn’t even because Scott held a tight grip to keep himself from shifting. Mike caught onto the blond’s plan at the restaurant he guards and cleaned it up when it was only halfway complete. David didn’t hear any excuses for why buckets of water were lying in wait on select doors after Fritz pointed them out and issued a nonnegotiable ban until further notice that even Eggs knew better than to try and challenge. 

Scott should’ve known he would’ve been his own undoing. Should’ve paid more attention to how much sleep he was getting, how distracted he was, and how attached he was getting to the guards. 

But no, he’s an idiot. One who can’t help himself growing to ten full feet when Mike admitted that instead of helping Jeremy defend against the toys how it’s normally done, the man apparently thought punching Marionette in the face was the best idea. 

“Michael!” 

“Phone Guy, you should’ve heard the shit he was saying! The bastard was fucking asking for it!” 

“And he would’ve happily killed you!” 

Mike hadn’t responded back. And somehow Scott knew it wasn’t because of an overwhelming fear of what the giant could do in retaliation. It felt like he was talking to Vincent, growing with every word because he was upset and couldn’t control it. As if Mike understood this wasn’t a threat and instead a literal representation of his anger and terror. 

He was more than happy to put his hands in his pocket, the perfect picture of nonchalance, silently encouraging the lecture to continue. But without Mike wanting to defend himself and only admitted he was at fault in his own little way, Scott felt nothing but exhaustion. Couldn’t help but glare at the ceiling getting too close for his liking. He can only yell for so long until he’s forced to hunch over. The dining area’s clearance might be tall but not that tall. 

“I swear, Michael, you are going to be the death of me.” 

Mike smirked when it was clear he’d only be receiving a warning this time. “Could just fucking pocket my ass and solve all your goddamn problems.” 

“Don’t tempt me.” 

“Is this a bad time to ask what would constitute being pocketed?” 

Scott felt his heart skip a beat at Eggs’ voice. Whipped his head around to stare at the blond looking up at him with wide eyes. Had done a terrible job of hiding his fear as he stayed within the safety of the hallway. 

There was no stopping his drop from ten feet all the way down to just under three inches. Not when he could picture Eggs running to everyone to say Scott was a monster. Give Afton the proof he was waiting for before trapping him underground for the rest of his life. aybe even Vincent would finally agree he’s too dangerous to treat like a human being. 

But shrinking the smallest he could only made it so, so much worse. 

“Fuck he shrunk!” 

Scott crumbled to the ground at the loud shout that shook the very ground, clamping his hands firmly around his ears in the desperate attempt to keep them from ringing. Couldn’t help but instinctively flinch away when trembles began to announce someone was getting closer and closer, everything screaming for him to run but unable to make his limbs obey. Gasped for air not just from blinding terror he was about to be crushed, but from the nauseating wall of chemicals slamming into him from when the floor was mopped a few hours ago. 

It had been too long since he shrunk around humans, in a place not meant for those like him, and this time Vincent wasn’t there to save him. 

“I’ve got you, asshole.” 

Scott couldn’t grasp the words, his mind racing too fast and in too many different directions to even comprehend someone spoke. But he did smell what could only by alleyway sludge. Felt warmth wrap around him. Became completely frozen at the smell of chamomile tea. 

It was so sudden and unexpected his eyes opened in time to see fingers curl underneath him before he’s lifted up to quickly, his stomach protesting as vertigo crashed into him. Tried to move away from the thumb that rubbed his side. Realized that was where the smell was coming from. 

“You okay, Phone Guy?” 

Scott stared up at Mike, the only comprehensive thought that managed to gather was never expecting the young man and chamomile to go together. Eggs then appeared in his line of sight looking frantic. “You didn’t fall from that height did you? You just shrank down to where you stood?” 

That should’ve made him feel better. That instead of accusations shot toward him, there was only concern. But that didn’t ensure he wasn’t going to be kept. Or that he wouldn’t be passed around for everyone to give him a piece of their mind. Or the questions were only asked out of guilt for possibly being the reason why he got hurt. 

Scott couldn’t find the words his was looking for. Didn’t even protest as a finger nudged his leg and arm. “Doesn’t look like shit got broken.” 

“Should we tell James we might’ve given him a heart attack?” 

Scott felt like he had been electrocuted by the suggestion. Both to tell others about his abilities, and willingly handing him over to a doctor. Yet he still couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t even breathe. 

He felt betrayed, and overwhelmed, and for the first time in a long time he wished Vincent was there even if it did end up having him land directly into Afton’s hands. 

He didn’t remember passing out. It just seemed like in one instance he was in Mike’s hands as Eggs made the air rumble, and the next he was blinking up at James’ soft smile. 

“Hey, boss. Heard these two gave you a heart attack.” 

“You said we didn’t!” 

“Don’t fucking tell Purple Guy.” 

Scott could only feel dread settle over him like a blanket. Aware they were at Fazbear Fright. Flinched when he realized James smelled sterile. 

He tried to scramble away, because that could only mean receiving a treatment reminiscent of Afton. Hesitated when he felt something course on his skin and looked down to see he was on a towel of all things. Glanced back at James who held his hands up and a safe distance away where it’d be hard to make a sudden grab. 

“Mike was the one who checked for broken bones. I just made sure nothing would require a visit to the hospital. We won’t be handling you anymore.” 

“Well, unless you say-” 

Scott actually felt better at Eggs’ comment making it clear they were curious. Even more that Mike elbowed the blond to make him shut up. 

But he still hunched in on himself when James slowly lowered his hands where they couldn’t be seen. “How do you feel, Scott?” 

Confused. Hopeful. Genuinely worried what happened in the time he was out considering Mike and Eggs carried him all the way to James. “F-Fine. What, what did they tell you?” 

“That if we step out of line we might receive more than just a whack on the head.” 

Scott waited for the accusations. The questions. The demand of answers to why he kept something like that from them when clearly he’s a danger to them. 

They didn’t come. Yet he knew better than to fully trust them. Trust himself to be a good judge of character. “Are you g-going to keep me?” 

James made a soft, almost sad sound. “We're not keeping you, Scott. And no one will be under our watch. I still need someone to sign my paychecks.” 

He couldn’t help but smile at that being the reason he now had three allies who might even be willing to ensure David isn’t able to get within grabbing distance. He wanted this to have been a one time thing, but knowing his luck, it was almost guaranteed that wasn’t the end of it. 

Especially not when Eggs inched his way closer in order to give a little too harsh of a poke. “About the whole ‘getting pocketed’ thing.” 

“One poke earns you one hour.” 

“Lame rule, unfair, boooo.” 

“That was a bit of a cheap shot. We should all get one freebee.” 

“Can you pocket Jerber’s ass even if he doesn’t fucking do shit?” 

Because his employees were all problem children. Despite James being a widely respected doctor, and Eggs managed to earn Afton’s respect. Because of course they were. 

Thank God he was able to grow to his normal height after Mike’s question, but of course it didn’t stop there. Eggs wasn’t satisfied until he had a complete list of what would guarantee earn him having to deal with a giant. James asked a few questions regarding if shrinking or growing took a toll on him and if there were certain things that would help. Mike said he was walking Scott home whether his mentor liked it or not. At least they all swore not to tell anyone else about him being a shifter. 

But that was the only time they really pestered him about it. The only change in Eggs’ behavior was a small hiatus from pranks. James didn’t ask about his abilities again. Mike had only demanded to walk Scott home that one night. 

It was odd not having one or more of them trying to make him shift sizes. Not make a single comment unless they were completely alone and wanted to make a jab. In all honesty, it was...nice. To have those he, for the most part, trusted to watch where they stepped if he suddenly disappeared. 

He knew it wouldn’t last forever. They were only three of the six who he’s in charge of and foolishly got emotionally attached to. Though when it came to David it was mostly rage and annoyance. It was only a matter of time all of the guards knew and he’d be unable to dodge questions strictly from the need to keep it secret. 

Scott wasn’t prepared for that, not in the slightest. So he watched how much he slept. Didn’t take the risk of going too long without shifting. 

Yet he didn’t take into account the sure-fire way to make him shrink had always been surprising him, making something as simple as someone ‘appearing’ around a corner to make him let go of control just long enough to have devastating consequences. 

Pair that with the fact he never enjoyed being at David’s restaurant for multiple reasons, there should have been a shifting incident long ago. And not one where he only grew or shrank just a few inches. 

The worst part was that it was a good day. Not to mention that ever since David won the argument over getting Fritz transferred over to his restaurant, there was no longer an obvious amount of distain directed toward Scott. They finally seemed to agree they were fairly even, with Scott technically being a supervisor, and David knowing he’s not entirely human. They had a balance. 

But then his heart skipped a beat seeing Lefty helping Fritz balance on his shoulders in order for a broken stage light to be reached. Didn’t back down when he demanded the teenager join him in David’s office despite the bear making a big show of how annoyed he was that was where the line was drawn. Because apparently tall animatronics who could decide at any moment to just walk away is better than a sturdy ladder that should be watched by those more responsible. 

“He promised I wouldn’t fall, Scott!” 

“I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him.” 

“...is that one inch or two?” 

Scott hid his smile from the backtalk as he turned to whack the teenager who needed to choose better animatronics to trust his life with. The only issue was that he misjudged just how closely Fritz was following. Hadn’t expected for them to collide. Hadn’t noticed the door to David’s office opening directly behind him. 

“Scott.” 

The man in question jumped. Thought it was Lefty. Wasn’t able to grit his teeth in time when the feeling of falling enveloped him. 

It was a miracle he wasn’t immediately stepped on, grateful Fritz’s first instinct was to back away. Caused the floor to shake as if there was an earthquake and therefore impossible for Scott to run to safety, but it gave him a moment to process the world around him. No immediate booming voices. The familiar odorless cleaner on the tiles. 

But David wore cologne, and that left him stumbling back because admittedly Scott rarely encountered it when he shrunk. He would’ve been impressed by its potency if it didn’t make him forget his own name, none the less the fact he was going to get killed if he didn’t run. 

“D-Did he just disappear?” 

Fritz’s voice was what forced him to finally move. Had nowhere to go, but toward the wall is always a good option. Unable to do anything but pray. 

A shoe landed directly in front of him, Scott barely able to stop himself in time to not collide with it. Stared for a good minute as he gasped for air until he concluded it wasn’t going to move. 

“Don't tell me.” 

Scott trembled at David’s voice. Wanted to do nothing more than sprint away from the sing-song tone stating he’s been caught. Couldn’t stop himself from following the expensive dress shoe up, past the towering slacks, locking onto hazel eyes watching him as if he’s a brand new toy to play with. 

He couldn’t move as the business man knelt down before laughing. “I can’t believe it. You complete and utter dumbass.” 

There was a lot said in that sentence. The confirmation Scott was going to pay for whatever David deemed was wrongfully committed against him. That he wasn’t going to get out of this alive. 

Yet they both completely forgot about Fritz. “Scott, is that you?” 

Scott’s head jerked toward his left, half expected a hand to already be grabbing him. He hadn’t at all expected the genuine worry, or the redhead hunched in on himself in the attempt to be as small as possible. 

“It’s him.” 

David grabbing him left Scott coughing as he was choked by the cologne, the smell invading everything. It didn’t help when the grip became too tight and he struggled to breathe from being crushed on top of everything else. 

“Mr. Harrison!” 

“How am I supposed to pick him up, he’s no bigger than a roach.” 

“You’re hurting him!” 

The last thing he heard was a scoff before he tumbled into what was unmistakably a hand, but one void of chemicals that made him wheeze. It also didn’t curl into a confining fist. That was all he needed to accept his fate and go completely limp. He should’ve fought harder, but he couldn’t think straight and anyone was better than David. 

“See? He’s fine.” 

“I wonder if Mike would agree...” 

“If you tattle on me to that goddamn thing-” 

It took too long for Scott to recover enough to fully process the world around him. He wanted it all to be a nightmare, but the distinct smell of baked bread that became stronger every time a finger stroked his back told him it was real. As well as his how his lungs protested due to what transpired. 

He finally forced himself to sit up despite how much his arms shook. Looked up at Fritz looking even more concerned than before. “Are you okay?” 

Scott opened his mouth only for a hacking cough to escape. He was quick to bat at the fingers that wanted to offer help but didn’t know how to. “N-Need a mi,i,inute.” 

“Do you need us to get you to James?” 

“Just...gi,i,ive me a few. I-I'll grow ba,ack soon.” 

Scott felt like he was lying through his teeth, because there was no way he’d be able to calm his heart down enough to shift again with David within easy snatching distance. No offense to Fritz, but he was just a teenager. It was a surprise he had even won an argument in which Scott was forfeited. Who’s to say David won’t pull the ‘I’m your boss’ card and demand his rightful toy back. 

“Told you he was fine.” 

Scott didn’t have the energy to say he was anything but fine. He didn’t want to be carried between restaurants again, though. 

He had missed the look Fritz shot at David. “Do you need any water or food, Scott?” 

There was no missing the immediate reaction of the promise he’ll be taken far away from David’s office, the redhead offering a smile before he obediently turned to walk out the door. 

“Where the hell are you going?” 

“We’re just getting water, Mr. Harrison!” 

They both heard grumbling and the sound of the chair being pushed away. Fritz might’ve heard David’s footsteps confirming they were being followed, but Scott could hear the distinct stomp indicating the tall man throwing a tantrum. At least there had been no yelling. And he stayed far enough back the cologne didn’t suffocate him. 

He had to admit, Fritz seemed to be taking it a lot better than Scott was. Ignored David’s glare as he went through the kitchen with one hand. The redhead satisfied when he found a bottled water and filled the cap up. Laid his hand on the counter so Scott could walk off on his own despite it being incredibly ungraceful. 

He couldn’t help perking up when the coffee machine that was tucked away in the corner was turned on, though it had the opposite effect on David. “I haven’t finished my mug yet.” 

“I always make him coffee when he comes in.” 

“The dumbass won’t be able to drink a full mug at three inches tall.” 

“He’ll finish it when he grows. Or if you finish yours before he does then you can finish it.” 

Scott hadn’t realized just how experienced Fritz was at wrangling David. It had been a few months since he was transferred, plenty of time to learn about the business man’s habits, but this amount of knowledge was impressive. Made him feel a lot better there wouldn’t be any attempts to swipe him off the counter. Watched in awe as David growled before he stalked off in order to grab his unfinished coffee solely to spite Scott. 

“Are you hurt? If you really need to see James, Mr. Harrison wouldn’t be able to catch up until we’re already there.” 

That would guaranteed end with Fritz getting punished for leaving his station despite the fact the waiter should have been sent home along with the rest after the restaurant closed. It would also give the teenager a chance to pocket Scott to simply take home and they never make it to James. But someone wouldn’t keep him safely away from David and make him coffee just like he always had if the end goal was just to treat him like something to keep. 

Scott didn’t know how to thank Fritz for the water that allowed him to speak without coughing anymore. “It was mostly his cologne that was suffocating me.” 

The green eyes got wide with interest, clearly wanted to ask more questions. Opened his mouth before physically restraining himself. “I won’t let him pick you up, then.” 

He didn’t know what exactly made his shifting level out, but Scott grew just in time to swipe the full mug of coffee away from the machine right as David reentered the kitchen. Looked quite upset he hadn’t managed to win the race of who would get to it first. 

“Were you just being dramatic earlier?” 

Scott glared up at the business man as he walked out of the room. Intended on pretending nothing ever happened in favor of getting the reports Afton requested so he could leave as quickly as possible. Made sure to tell Fritz he appreciated all the redhead did but didn’t hold back on his glares toward David. 

The only problem was that wasn’t the end of it. He never expected it to be, but he wanted it to. Just because David saw the full extent of what he could do didn’t mean anything. The business man would just hold it above his head just like he had before. There was no reason to have a conversation about it. 

If anything, Scott was upset that was the treatment he received. He wasn’t human, God no, but he was a person who deserved to not be treated like some pest despite being the size of one. It was as if David didn’t remember that anger made Scott grow. If he can shrink that small, then he certainly can grow much taller than the few inches he did during their first interactions. 

He could take the degrading comments. Got better at dodging David’s questions when he was forced to physically go to the restaurant under Afton’s direct orders. Greatly appreciated that Fritz never pried nor let anything leak to the others despite almost everyone having knowledge of his abilities. 

It didn’t matter that he became paranoid Eggs, Mike, and James had been planning on something in the time he was passed out. Refused to practice at home because it had only seemed to cause a larger shift than if he didn’t at all. Made sure he was never alone in a room with David now that he knew the hatred aimed toward him could turn fatal. 

Vincent immediately noticed. Made another appearance while Scott was hunched over the desk at Mike’s location. He couldn’t even focus on the documents in front of him he was in so much pain. 

“Scotty.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“I didn’t say you weren’t.” 

It was the teasing ‘gotchya’ tone that made him look up to spot the purple man was watching him with the rare emotion of true concern. “...well I am.” 

“When was the last time-?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

They both knew it did. That his mind and body couldn’t take the stress anymore. That his brain felt like it would explode and he constantly felt fatigued. Taking an entire week off and just sleeping would only make it worse. He needed to shift. But he couldn’t. 

“Talk to me, Scotty.” 

He wanted to scream at Vincent. To tell him he didn’t deserve to just waltz back in and pretend like nothing happened. That his trust hadn’t been betrayed. That the reason why Scott wasn’t okay was because of him. 

“They think I’m a monster.” 

Scott couldn’t hold it back. Not when he could clearly see Eggs terror from when he grew that night in his mind’s eye. Could picture David’s cruel smile when it became clear he really wasn’t human. 

Vincent hummed as he thought. “Do they?” 

Scott sputtered. “Of course they do!” 

“You’re telling me they’ve been treating you like something to lock up.” 

David did. There isn’t one exchange that doesn’t make it clear just what he thought should be done to someone who can become handheld in an instant. 

...Mike didn’t blink when Scott grew ten feet despite the anger being directly toward him. James didn’t bring him to the hospital while unconscious to trap him and see how he worked. Fritz saved him from David’s grasp and made coffee as if it was any other night. 

“Did David find out?” 

“I shrunk when it was just him, Fritz, and I a few weeks ago.” 

Vincent winced. “That sounds like it was a disaster. How has he been since then, though?” 

Scott was not going to give the egotistical asshole the benefit of the doubt. But he did start to become courteous. Stopped hounding him with questions after the fourth attempt with no answers other than the comment of being glad a certain someone didn’t get stepped up. And he did notice when the cologne started to only be applied to the neck instead of on both wrists. 

“Not all of them have seen me grow. Not to mention Jeremy’s been left completely out of the loop.” 

“And yet I have a feeling he still won’t use the word ‘monster’ when he does see you shift.” 

When, not if. 

Scott didn’t see the distinction as a bad omen. It was just the last nail in the coffin he built himself. And he felt his grip slowly but surely being lost. It didn’t help Vincent was right there and had used to mean safety. He wanted to do nothing more than collapse and let the purple man decide what was best while he couldn’t. 

“Phone Guy?” 

Mike was no more than a blurry shape as the younger man peered into the office. Scott hadn’t realized just how much time had passed, and couldn’t help but groan when his phone read 11:30pm. 

“Sorry Mike, I’ll-” 

A strong arm sat him back into the chair as blue eyes watched him. “You look like shit, asshole.” 

“Scotty hasn’t been shifting.” 

Scott wanted to whack Vincent for outing him like that to Mike of all people. But it was too late, the damage done as soon as it was figured out what exactly shifting meant in that context. 

“Shrink right fucking now. I’ll pocket your ass and make sure Purple Guy doesn’t fuck with you.” 

It wasn’t his choice when the world started to stretch around him. He didn’t even get to adjust to his surroundings when a hand swept him up. Would never admit he felt a thousand times better just allowing himself to shift after he held it in for so long. Didn’t struggle at Mike’s smirk as he gently lowered Scott into the chest pocket of his uniform. 

Scott couldn’t help but completely relax when Mike and Vincent made the air rumble with soft voices. Knew he wasn’t supposed to think about the good things that could come from shifting without holding back when he was around the guards. 

Yet he didn’t hesitate to think about growing in order to offer Jeremy a hand down when he got lost in the vents at Fazbear Fright and somehow managed to make his way into the ceiling. It left James concerned about tinnitus. David observed a fall would end in disaster considering the ceiling had a height of fifteen feet. They all knew there wasn’t a ladder for miles. 

“Just go back the way you came!”��

“I want to join him in the ceiling!” 

“H-H-Help!” 

Scott had only sighed as he passed his clipboard that Afton gave him about everything that needed to be inspected. Didn’t even glance at David’s confused look as he accepted it. “What are you-?” 

He heard shouts and curses as he grew while taking a few steps forward so no one would get hit on accident. All that mattered was Jeremy squeaking as he ducked back further away from the opening they found him peering out through. “Sc-Sc-Scott?” 

“It’s okay, Jeremy, I’m just going to get you down safely.” 

Scott didn’t know what to expect. Possibly the kid would try his hardest to get away to get lost further into the ventilation system. Or the drama of the panels sudden fall to the floor and needing to quickly catch him. 

There was hesitation, but then arms were shakenly raised to silently request help down. Curled into a ball as hands bigger than his torso carefully extracted him from the ceiling. Clung to Scott once he saw they were still fairly high. Didn’t want to let go until his feet were firmly on the ground. 

“You were supposed to fucking pocket the goddamn Jerber.” 

“No he w-w-wasn't!” 

“If he tries to pocket anyone-” 

Scott scoffed as he slowly shrunk back down. The snatch of his rightful documents from David left the business man speechless. “Step out of line and I really will pocket you.” 

“Wait, Scott, put me in the ceiling!” 

“Does this mean you’ll be growing around us more?” 

It did. Especially with how noticeably quite David would become when Scott grew even just a few feet taller because Eggs decided to throw himself off something. Though surprisingly, the few times he found himself shrinking for one reason or another, most of them kept a respectful distance away. 

Though that might’ve been because Vincent started making more appearances once it was clear Scott wasn’t going to force himself to not shift whenever it was after operation hours. Didn’t say anything except sit at the table Scott was deposited on by whoever snagged him first. The amount of time it took from being saved from the floor to being left to his own devices, though, was entirely up to the guard who found him. 

At least there was a pattern on who earned him shrinking or growing. Knew to stay away from David because it was honestly a chance how he’d shift with the business man within proximity. Couldn’t help the genuine joy that there were never flinches when he grew or the appearance of malice intent when he shrunk. 

“Scott!” 

Eggs didn’t hesitate despite the look Vincent shot at him when the blond plopped into a seat. Only continued with delivering a gentle poke. “That’s why you came over here?” 

He didn’t actually hate such a greeting. It came with the territory of hiring someone like the blond. And James. And David...but if he didn’t act offended they would assume it was the only viable way to say hello. 

“Come on, you’re so pokable! Impossible not to.” 

It was also impossible not to pick up on the distinct smell of cinnamon coming from Eggs. It was the first time he didn’t pick up a distinctly chemical smell of citrus he’d come to associate with their mechanic. 

“Are you not wearing deodorant today?” 

Eggs’ eyes went wide before he took several steps away. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t even think I was just running out of my apartment and forgot!” 

Scott was certainly glad that was the reaction, but that didn’t mean he wanted it this time. “No, I swear I’m not upset. I mean obviously when you’re doing extraneous activities-” 

“Scotty likes the way we smell.” 

It was a miracle he didn’t blush from Vincent’s intervention. And that Eggs was too confused and focused on attempting to pick up the scent nonexistent to a human’s nose to register the opportunity to tease about it. 

“Is it like a good smell?” 

“It’s...unique. You smell like cinnamon, Mike smells like chamomile. I just can’t usually pick it up under the numerous odors everyone tends to wear.” 

He was blinked at before Eggs leaned in with curiosity. “What does James smell like.” 

“I couldn’t tell. He smelled as sterile as the hospital he works at.” 

“...does that mean certain things, like, suffocate you?” 

Vincent beat him to a response. “Yes. Every time he shrinks.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us! I needed an excuse to hide away Harrison’s cologne!” 

That wasn’t what he expected to come out of the conversation. Eggs bringing it up to James who then asked him about it a week later, that he expected. But it wasn’t for the reasons he thought. 

“What also affects you when you shrink or grow?” 

“Honestly it’s fine. I rarely stay on the ground for too long before someone picks me up.” 

“Humor me.” 

“...it’s mostly sounds that make my head hurt when I grow. Especially when I’m surrounded by all of you. It’s smells that hit me the hardest when I shrink. Though if you yell it’d guaranteed destroy my eardrums.” 

He had not expected them to...care that much to change not only their interactions with him, but also their habits. David had changed how he wore his cologne, but the others had most of their products switched. Apparently Mike was sensitive to smells as well and had a few suggestions that were easily accepted. Not to mention Eggs no longer sprinted around when Scott grew because he apparently took it was a challenge. No more unnecessary shouts. 

It was everything he ever wanted but knew he could never have. 

Of course he could do without the demand to hold him. The demand he’s the one holding them. Questions of if he shifted, can they join on a shifting night, what kind of pranks can safely be pulled on him so no one’s in danger. He became a safety net when he was put on party decoration but the others said he’d need their help. The one who would retrieve items lost ideas from hard to reach places. 

“Smell me.” 

Scott never expected David to ask the question. James had when he had a day off at the hospital to establish he smelled of mint. Though after he immediately had a theory they didn’t actually have a ‘scent’ and Scott was only interpreting a non-tangible smell into something he’s familiar with, which did not end well when Eggs found out and ended with the doctor getting attacked randomly over a few weeks with spritzes of something that smelled like mint as retaliation. Jeremy asked about his own smell once he understood what happened and beamed at the proclamation of a chocolate shop. 

But there was never a day David went without his cologne. Meaning it was impossible for Scott to pick up what the business man himself smelled like without the chemicals acting as a solid barrier. 

Tonight was different. And one look at Fritz and Jeremy’s excitement told him there had been quite a bit off begging to get to where they were. Which was impressive, but Scott didn’t exactly enjoy the hand being held as if he was a dog needing to sniff someone and confirm they weren’t a threat. 

“Please.” 

That single word made his entire year. “You smell like warm clothes.” 

David looked confused. “I what?” 

Scott could only shrug. Up until then, he tried to keep the specifics out of how he described what scents the others possessed. Because it was hard to explain the distinction between chamomile and chamomile tea. One was just a flower while the other has warmth and a more calming feeling. It wasn’t just spearmint, but rather the wild kind that is sharper than it would taste. It’s not just cinnamon, but the spice that a topping to another drink that is always different and always sweet. 

“Like clean clothes that came right out of the dryer.” 

“Oh.” 

It was one of the few times David didn’t have something to say back. Though it was the first time it was out of genuine intrigue. 

And it was the first time Scott felt like he was finally home.

[weirdmageddon]

ESSAY ABOUT THE SPAMTON SPECIL FUN PAK AIR FRESHENER

so the second wave of Spamton's SPECIL Fun Pak!!! from fanger shipped out and i got mine. of great interest to me was the air freshener. not only because it displays a clearer image of big shot-era spamton in a red suit and yellow tie reminiscent of mettaton’s TV host outfit, but had singlehandedly changed how the whole fandom perceived how he looked back in the day.

but also the smell. even though multiple people had commented on how potent it was, i only heard two specific descriptions: one said it smelled like cologne, and another, my friend, said it “reeks of grass and citrus. aromatic hell. it smells like someone dumped a gallon of cheap fragrance on him instead of making him take a shower,” and that they could “STILL SMELL IT THROUGH THE CABINET IN WHICH HE IS IMPRISONED”

so i knew that as soon as this pack arrived, i would open it holding my breath and take a giant whiff, nostrils right on the freshener. and that’s exactly what i did. you can’t really expect to know the way something smells until you actually smell it. but regardless, what i think what most accurately gets it across is “kitchen cleaning agent with cologne and shaving cream undertones”

but this is actually a known smell. and it’s likely you’ve smelled it before: it has nearly the same smell as the Black Ice freshener from Little Trees. upon looking up the scent, Black Ice has quite a collective reputation and implications tied into it that are think are simultaneously hilarious and rather sad in the context of spamton.

i googled “black ice smell” and there were tons of reddit posts about it that were downright hilarious that gave me a lot of insight not only into the nature of how people feel about the smell but its collective Lore and what it symbolizes. yeah this scent has lore.

here are some favorite excerpts so you get an idea of how people generally feel about it:

• “When it literally face fucks you as soon as you open the door it’s a problem. And recently it’s been like every single Uber I’ve taken. My throat hurts, my eyes burn, I feel like I’m getting exposed to carcinogens. I don’t want to screw drivers over by down rating them from the ridiculous stench but DAMN” • “It's the Axe deodorant of car air fresheners” • “Seen these all the time in ratty Uber/Lyft cars. Occasionally the Black Ice stench sticks to me so strongly that I've had to shower and change (and launder the clothes immediately so they don't contaminate my laundry basket).” • “It's definitely the worst smelling tree of the air freshener family. It smells like a large Italian man in an Adidas track suit is sitting behind me.” • “Jesus Christ. I had ONE of those in my car back in high school and it was so strong that I couldn't breathe without coughing. How does that person have so many without going into shock?” • “every time you get out of your car people should either have an allergic reaction to the strength of the scent or wonder wtf you're trying to cover up smell-wise.” • “Pulling that odor into my nose makes me think of my expired grandfather’s cologne having sex with a ten-cent whore” • “Black ice smells like teenage angst it is as far as you can get from old lady’s... smells like a 14 year axe bombed himself” • “It smells like douchebag but I like it”

there are more comments you should read here

apparently this scent’s potency is well-known for being utilized by people who smoke weed in the car to cover up substance stench. except instead of actually neutralizing the potency like milk to capsaicin, it just layers itself on top of it, resulting in a chemical cacophony to your senses. people trying to hide the smell of illegal substances tend to take like at LEAST 10 of these trees and hang them up in the car in what is known as a “felony forest”. this is so well known that cops will apparently recognize more than two air fresheners, especially of this specific scent, as being suspicious because of how potent it is for covering up smells.

another the thing with these Little Trees things are that you’re supposed to keep them inside the plastic and cut a small bit of it open like the instructions say to do, otherwise the scent is overwhelming. but people don’t know that and crack open the entire thing and the smell gets EVERYWHERE, especially one as pungent as this. so that makes it even funnier somehow.

not only this, but the smell itself is just tacky. it’s trashy, as you can probably infer from the above comments. it’s so fake. and i think that is also a big part for why it works for spamton. there’s no natural analogue equivalent.

a person on reddit replying to someone born without a sense of smell who asked what Black Ice was like described it perfectly this way:

“it's unpleasant to a lot of people. A smell that does not have an analogue existing in nature. that's pretty much all you need to know. edit: little trees' own website describes it as "A mysteriously enticing masculine scent of woods and citrus." i guess i can see that but to me it is damn rank. like terrible cologne on a dude with bad body odor. Not to mention, these synthesized scents are not a perfect match to their natural counterparts. Like how Grape bubblegum tastes like the color purple; a strawberry little tree air freshener does not smell like any strawberry ive ever consumed. so imagine someone mixing chemicals to come up with the smell of "mystery, masculinity, the woods, and citrus"”

but like. you have to think about this now. i love the implications and symbolism of this. fangamer knew what they were doing by choosing Black Ice as the scent. it’s so trashy. it smells synthetic, it’s like the neon green and orange of smells. it’s so pungent and cheap, so much so that it’s used en masse in cars to mask unwanted smells, especially weed smoke. this miasmic aura it gives off carries with it embedded assumptions. you just know what you’re getting into. i don’t think there’s another air freshener scent out there with this kind of reputation.

the way this implies spamton smells like this is hilarious because you KNOW spamton is dousing himself in this to appear like he smells good to hide the smell of soggy cardboard, but you can tell it’s fake and desperate. this is the smell of desperation to appear presentable. and i don’t think they could’ve gone with anything more fitting.

[filipinoizukuu]

class 1-a hcs based on science and shit: part 1

u cant tell me any of these characters smell completely normal. or good in a way u can make candles out of them. this is my hc list and i am RUNNING with it. @emogaeness this 1's for u, my dude

Aoyama: one of the only 'normal' smelling ones. he defs uses french parfum but also he probably smells like heated metal and cheese all the time. Energy doesnt really have a smell til it interacts with gas so i think he probably just smells like however he wants to.

Mina: IM SORRY TO SAY BUT MISS MAAM IS STINKY AS HECK. mina is an acid producer and therefore smells acidic--and going by what we know of acid, she smells PUNGENT. dairy-like but also sour. BUT her body is probably evolved to be antacidic and she's a gymnast. after reading like, 2 research papers, gymansts chalk (magnesium carbonate) neutralizes acids (caus its 10.5 ph) and so i think while she does kinda smell, it wouldnt be AS bad even if she's training. its possible for her to wear perfume if she wanted, since usually they're around the 7 pH range.

Tsuyu: Oh. wet grass. and just. damp. she probably smells like marshlands or just nature in general, because thats part of camouflage. she probably also has an underlying sweet scent from venom? idk. on the normal she'd probably just smell neutral if a little musty.

Iida: ok i had to wiki this but i dont think he smells like much? he faintly smells like exhaust--but when he overuses his quirk and inevitably combusts whatever engines he uses, the chemical reaction creates sulfur which would make him smell like rotten eggs. otherwise he smells like orange juice (his choice of 'fuel'), sweat, and cologne.

Uraraka: I think she just smells like mochi lol. gravity doesnt really alter her body so i think ochako's normal--if a bit sweet bc she generally seems to like sweet stuff in canon

Ojiro: OK HES JUST GOT A WEIRD LUMP OF FLESH ON HIS BACK FOR A TAIL THO LIKE?? IDK HE SMELLS NORMAL?? maybe a bit like spray-on shampoo and deodorant, but that's it. does a third limb of pure muscle smell like anything? no? godspeed, mashirao, godspeed.

Kaminari: he smells like ozone. He's probably crazy static since he generates the electricity inside of him constantly and is canonically a terrific electricity conduit, so unlike aoyama he'd definitely smell like frying electricity. also. (minor manga spoilers) he bathes enough to be able to call midoriya stinky, so he definitely has basic hygiene. other than that i think he smells like sweaty leather bc of his hero costume and candy.

Kirishima: not quirk related but he probably just smells like sweat. and like, meat. maybe dirt. i love this boy but i'm also a sheeple bc i believe in the hc that he smells like axe body spray. and really good conditioner bc of how fucked up his hair would be by now if he wasn't taking very good care of it.

Kouda: smells like animals. like. bunnies and hamsters and birds and stuff. its not bad per se, but he definitely smells like he's constantly hanging out with the city's local rodent and avian population. other than that he probably just smells neutral/like nothing, since that's more approachable to the prey animals that he seems to favor.

Satou: baked goods and candy.

Shouji: I think Shouji is probably the most hygiene-conscious of all the kids in 1-A. Because of the amount of open/accessible body parts like eyes, nose, ears on his limbs--he probably takes very good care in showering and all that stuff to prevent random infections or just generally damaging any of his senses. Dude's chill--smells like mild soap and laundry detergent.

Jirou: Ah, not gonna lie she probably smells a bit like burnt electrical wires. She's a bit like Kaminari in terms of smell, except her's have that more 'metallic' and burning sharpness whenever she uses the stunning part of her quirk. Other than that... probably also leather because of her hero costume, or just like the inside of an instrument shop (wood, ivory, brass, etc.)

Sero: Packaging type. you know when you pull like, a large strip of tape and--? yeah? that. smells like tack. other than that, excellent hygiene! bergamot and pine or whatever.

Tokoyami: he smells like bird, but only faintly. dude mostly smells a little musty caus he probably never airs out his room. Dark shadow is described like "dark energy" which, similar to aoyama, kaminari, and jirou, probably makes the air around him smell different bc thats gas interacting with energy. Aside from that, he most likely smells neutral. (... maybe with a bit of leather and metal because thats just how his fashion probably works)

Todoroki: Sweat, but not like, a lot. He definitely doesn't smell bad after battles because steam kills bacteria like, fairly effectively, and would eliminate most foul odors. I think he'd smell like Expensive herbal soap or whatever most of the time. He doesn't seem like the type to be unhygienic.

Hagakure: ????? fuck dude she probably tries her best to smell like nothing, caus if her whole schtick is being invisible then its probably best if she just smelt like nothing. imagine being a villain and then promptly getting kicked in the nuts by a gust of wind that smells like strawberry peach.

Mineta: i cant explain it but just... warm grape juice. his... orbs. have oily/sticky like substances to act as adhesive and ill be damned before u tell me he doesn't smell like anything even remotely artificial-grape-flavoring adjacent. he also smells of like,, axe body spray but stronger.

Yaoyorozu: herbal tea on a normal day. most likely the digestive kind just because i think thats the most practical tea to have with a quirk like hers thats reliant on eating large quantities of food. other than that, i think she smells like basic weaponry-grade materials like iron, polished wood, copper, and gunpowder.

Bakugou: stinky boy. canonically, his hygiene's great but that's likely for a reason. he sweats a lot and excessively, and while his sweat is described as 'nitroglycerine-like' it doesn't mean it smells like caramel. the common description for nitroglycerine according to the brittanica encyclopedia is that it's toxic and has a 'sweet, burning taste'. the sweet scent is described as sharp at best--so while its totally okay if you wanna think of his sweat as caramel-like, i just wanted to clear up the misconception that thats what it factually is. ASSUMING his sweat still has a similar molecular makeup to nitroglycerine and has nitric dioxide, it would smell sickly sweet, if slightly neutral due to the nature of sweat itself being odorless when clean. other than that? bkg is definitely just a smelly, smelly boy. smells like sun and smoke and teenage body odor and burnt plastic.

Midoriya: SMELLY STINKY. deku sweats like, a lot. not only does ofa expend a ridiculous amount of energy and probably strains his muscles like crazy (forcing him to expel all that lactic acid in the form of sweat), but he also spends a lot of time just outside in general. science slightly aside, deku smells a lot like grass and dirt and just,,, the outdoors in general. he, like kaminari, smells very strongly of ozone (clean, chlorine-like) because of the sheer amount of energy output OfA has. Not expounding past the manga, Black Whip is described as a quirk that produces tendrils of pure black energy. This probably creates the same effect/smell as an area struck by lightning.

[ihatebnha]

here is some of the kiri brainrot that i’ve been experiencing over the past few days that i managed to squeeze out of my brain and into words(largely inspired by my allergic reaction to sunscreen lmao)

but i just think that kiri is the type of guy to think you’re looking cute as hell regardless of the situation, he takes one look at the bright red chemical burns from a reaction to a skincare ingredient and is like ‘aw babe, your cheeks are all blushy and cute🥰🥰’ or like ‘your acne is in the shape of a heart!! is that for me? i love you too!!!’ <3 anon

oKAY BUT WAIT... this is simultaneously the most irritating yet endearing thing ever and I love him so much for it.

It's so easy to wanna give him a smack, but he really does mean it, huh? I bet he also says this to you when you're wearing THEE most ugly outfit ever or your hair just isn't cooperating, and the whole thing is like AHHHH because it's so embarrassing that he noticed, but also, like... so cute he genuinely likes these things.

I bet it's so cute, too, when you try to push him away, because he's like "Nonono, don't be shy, LOOK!!!" and he pushes up his bangs to show you his breakout too SLJKDFJALKDKL... King.

Also... because you brought it up... do you think Kirishima would rub aloe and lotion all over you when you need it? Do you think he'd let YOU rub him down with oil so he doesn't get burned, either???

Definitely thinking SO hard about a moment before you're dating and you have to help each other with the (non-allergenic) sunscreen because you can't reach your backs... and then... and then.......................

(Do you think Kiri would still like my armpits after I have an allergic reaction to deodorant? I'm just kidding, but I hope your face is alright!!! ily🥺🥺🥺)

[itsbatman-butpoor-andmurderous]

when vacationing in florida:

tips from a born and raised floridian

wear (reef safe) sunscreen

this is a given y’all. if you’re out in the sun for longer than 10-15 minutes you need to have sunscreen on and re-apply every hour. let it soak in for about 30 minutes before you go into water. if you don’t you will get a nasty sunburn, and skin cancer isn’t fun either but it takes a lot of sunburns to get to that point. however, you can get sun poisoning from one really bad sunburn. sun poisoning, or photodermatitis, is a form of allergic contact dermatitis which is your skin having an allergic reaction to sun exposure. it can lead to swelling, difficulty breathing, burning sensations, an itchy red rash that looks like small blisters, skin peeling, nausea, and itchy brown/orange tinted blotches that mostly appear on your face/neck area and can stay there for days after the initial poising.

see the point on reef safe sunscreen to learn more about why you need to use reef safe sunscreen.

take your jewelry off before going in the ocean. sharks are attracted to jewelry, blood, and things like surfboard or boogie boards that make you look like a seal

sharks don’t eat people on purpose, they can’t see very well so they rely on their sense of smell, to smell blood, and their limited vision which mistakes shiny jewelry for shiny fish scales and boards for seals due to the similar shape. sharks do something called sensory biting, meaning they will bite you to see if you are food. don’t do things that make you look like food.

avoid swimming at night

during the day sharks tend to stay out past the sand bar, an area off the shore where sand has built up to a platform. however, at night they move closer to the shore, so try to avoid night swimming. and because the moon is out, the waves are always bigger and rougher.

stingray shuffle

the stingray shuffle is getting your feet buried slightly under the sand in the ocean and shuffling your feet aa you walk, hence the name. depending on what time of year you come it may be stingray season and it’s recommended to do this during that time to avoid getting stung.

be cautious of currents

currents can move you every which way and suddenly your 30 feet away from your set up on the sand. currents can also move you out to sea which can be extremely dangerous. so if you notice a tugging feeling or notice that your further away from your stuff, watch yourself to make sure you don’t stray to far away.

try not to shave the day of going into the water and try not to enter the water with open wounds

while oceans aren’t as bad as lakes when it comes to bacteria, they are still very bacteria filled and you can get an infection real quick. so shave a day or two before and make sure your wounds are closed because some infections can lead to rashes, bubbles, or even amputation.

check for red tide and research it

red tide isn’t talked about very often but it is disgusting. red tide is discolored sea water caused by toxic red dinoflagellates (microorganisms). it kills tons of sea life which causes said dead sea life to wash up on beaches and float in the water which attracts predators like sharks and big fish. it also releases toxins into the air which makes it hard to breathe, and for people with asthma or any other respiratory problems this can cause serious illness. the west coast of florida is dealing with some red tide right now if you want to research it.

try not to honk at people while driving

this is something taught in other southern states as well, and my parents taught it to me when i was learning to drive. if you honk at someone you are running the risk of being followed and shot. a lot of people have guns down here and they aren’t afraid to use them. now this will not happen every time you honk, i have been in cars where the driver has honked and nothing happened. but it’s better to be safe than sorry because some people don’t know how to handle their road rage.

prepare for the humidity

i know your weather app says that it’s 85 degrees but it feels like 93 when you go outside because of the humidity. that’s why florida people wear layers.

rain does not last as long here as it does in northern states

if it starts raining your day is not ruined. in florida , unless there is a hurricane or tropical storm, rain storms normally only last for like 20-30 minutes at a time. if there is a little group of them you will get spurts of rain and no rain for like an hour or two at most. when there are big storms they normally last for a couple hours, but we don’t get storms like that super often.

gator safety

something that it taught in all florida elementary schools, if an alligator is chasing you run in one direction for 10-15 feet, then make a hard turn in another direction and repeat (this is what we mean when we say running in zigzags, not like hopping side to side as you run), if an alligator has a grip on one of your limbs or someone else’s, plug your fingers or something else up it’s nose so it’s forced to open its mouth the breathe, and don’t touch gator babies, the mom can and will come for you.

shark safety

also something that is taught in all florida elementary schools, but shark safety is more common knowledge than gator safety. it a shark has a grip on you, punch them in the nose. it’s a sensitive point and they normally release you and swim away. as previously mentioned, sharks don’t like to eat people, they don’t think we taste good. so unless it’s starving sharks won’t try to eat a human that they can tell is a human. however if you don’t follow the previously stated shark safety tips, they may mistake you for a fish or seal.

unless you’re on a private beach, spots on the sand are first come first serve

just because you had a spot yesterday does not mean you have that spot for the rest of your vacation, that’s not how the beach works. you have to get there early if you want a specific spot.

don’t touch the manatees

manatees are an endangered species, meaning that you can not touch them. it’s illegal. that being said, if the manatee floats it’s happy round little self over to you and touches you then that’s fine, you can’t control what the manatee does. but if you actively swim towards and reach for the manatee and someone with a legal standing or a life guard sees you, you can get in trouble.

most sea life is not violent until provoked

manatees are not violent at all, they just float there, that’s why they’re endangered. but creatures like sharks and stingrays are not dangerous unless they think your there to fight or they mistake you for food. that’s why you stingray shuffle, because if you step on a stingray it will see you as a threat and sting you. and that’s why you take the shark prevention seriously so they don’t mistake you for food.

dolphin safety; admire from a distance

oh but dolphins are nice! wrong! dolphins are very dangerous creatures, just not in all the same ways that sharks are. they are one of the only creatures on the planet aside from humans who do malicious things knowing that they are malicious. dolphins at swim with experiences have given humans lacerations and broken bones. they are still predators and while it only happens rarely, dolphins do bite and attack people. dolphins are incredibly smart, strong, and fast. if they feel threatened they will swim at you full force and hit you with their head/body as hard as they possibly can. one woman named valerie ryan was hit by a dolphin which resulted in six spinal fractures, a damaged lung, and ptsd. dolphins are civil for the most part, but they are astonishingly smart and strong, and will attack if provoked or threatened, so it’s better to avoid close contact with them and admire from a distance or from a boat.

get reef safe sunscreen

all spray sunscreens and quite a few lotions contain toxic chemicals that are contributing to killing reefs. australian gold makes botanical reef safe sunscreen with spfs from 30 to 70, and they make a spray with the smallest amount of the toxic chemical that they can if you desperately need a spray. get reef safe sunscreen. it doesn’t matter if you’re not swimming in the ocean all run off from showers, sinks, toilets, and other water systems ends up in the ocean. so even if you spend the day in the city or at a theme park, if you come home a wash off that sunscreen it will end up in the ocean.

theme park tips

bring a mini battery powered or chargeable fan or you will wish that you did. watch the weather, if it looks like it’s going to rain head to a restaurant and eat lunch or dinner, by the time you’re done the rain will most likely be over. do what you want to do the most or what normally has the longest line right when the park opens, the line will be the shortest then. download the park apps to monitor the wait times for rides and to see if any are closed, delayed, or virtual line only. if you plan on buying souvenirs do so an 2-3 hours before the park closes, this way you won’t have to carry the bags around all day and you can beat the closing crowd. try to plan your route ahead of time so that you won’t be walking to and fro because someone wanted to do this ride that’s on the other side of the park and after that someone else wants to do a ride that’s right by the place you were before, if you don’t your feet will hurt like a mf at the end of the day and you’ll waste time walking all over the place. bring a travel sized deodorant, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, period products, and anything else you may need that they might not sell.

theme parks with kids (courtesy of my mother)

bring your own snacks and water (you’re allowed). once again, mini fan. frog togs are another way to keep kids cool without having to do much cause you just like put it on their neck. find a rest spot, my mom said that when she and my dad would take us to theme parks when we were little they had designated rest spots where they would sit and let us nap, eat snacks, and cool off in the shade. put a bead bracelet on your child with your name, their name, and your number on it if your worried that they may get lost. make reservations, hungry kids are no fun, and if they have to sit and wait for a restaurant for a long time they will get hangry, making a reservation around the time that they normally get hungry is a way to avoid this. bring a change of clothes.

think that’s all, and enjoy your vacation lol

[oikirstein]

𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐲 | 𝐟𝐭. 𝐒.𝐇𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚, 𝐓.𝐊𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚, 𝐊.𝐊𝐨𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐞, & 𝐀.𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚

Synopsis: Mhm.

Contains: God so much second hand embarrassment, mega cringe, very not poggers

Posted: 1/30/2021

A/N: Ummmm so yeah... I definitely did not need to do this. At this point, I don’t even know if I wanted to do this. This is blatant slander and I hope you all will forgive me for the mess I’ve made :)

Edit: I’m adding this A/N after I’ve written everything...lmao sorry if these aren’t good, I’m too embarrassed for them to add more & also this was not proofread because it’s 1:30 AM and I need to wake up early to practice driving later

𝐒.𝐇𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚

I love Hinata, but he strikes me as the kid in elementary school who would bring one of those roller backpacks (with a flashy character, vibrant colors, idk like Lightening McQueen or something) and totally thought he was cool

Then at recess he would Naruto run all over the place (sometimes dragging along his backpack behind him)

Hinata is shameless and would definitely play with his food at lunch

I mean like making a well in his mashed potatoes and then pouring milk into it

He’s that one kid that rolls around in the dirt during P.E. and doesn’t mind the fact that he smells like someone mowed the grass and he was the lawn mower

At one point or another, he would get on all fours and bark at people

Believes the world is either pants or get pantsed

Was remembered as that kid in elementary school who threw up

𝐓.𝐊𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚

I hate thinking about him in this way, but it’s been brought to my attention that Kageyama would 100% have greasy hair

That boy might take amazing care of his nails and hands, but I just know the reason his hair is so oily is because he uses conditioner on his scalp

Would save a milk carton and put it in his bag for later and then forget until like a week later when his books start smelling like liquid ass

So this isn’t inherently bad, I just don’t agree with it: he pours milk into his coffee cake *gags cutely*

Kageyama in his quiet, brooding nature, is the one person people are scared to upset in class because they’re afraid of what he might do

The “emo kid”

Blasted My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, & Twenty One Pilots at 8 AM with cheap ass headphones that came free with a shirt he got

Like Hinata, Kageyama barks at people...but with his eyes

Like he doesn’t verbally bark, but he probably growls

Thinks Hinata is absolutely disgusting for mixing his potatoes and milk

𝐊.𝐊𝐨𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐞

This boy wakes up at like 2 AM to play video games, I think we can unanimously agree that his room probably smells like sweaty gym socks dipped in Monster energy drink

He has bottles upon bottles of half drank water bottles littering his floor

Kuroo has offered to help him throw them out, but Kenma is low-key proud of his collection

He saves the Monster cans to make those can guns, and he has them up on a shelf above his window

Not to mention the literal trash all over his desk from when he would snack during his games/streams

The only thing remotely neat about his room are his games

I know he organizes them and has a bookshelf to display them on

Kenma is also the type to not be able to see the floor, but know where everything is

Laundry basket is filled to the brim and is spilling onto the ground (Kuroo is starting to get concerned and believes that something is either living in there or starting to grow in there)

𝐀.𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚

5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, deodorant, and moisturizer 

Not just because he bleaches his hair, but because of his haircare product choice, he has the most brittle, dry, crispy, dead hair

Osamu on the other hand probably takes really good care of his hair, and even offered some purple shampoo to Atsumu, which Tsumu declined because “My hair already looks great!”

Either doesn’t wash his face at all or uses a bar of soap

He covers up his...musk... with copious amounts of AXE body spray

Thinks he smells amazing, but Osamu’s nose literally burns just standing next him

Being best friends with Suna, he probably wears a fake gold chain, sags his pants just a bit, and says “mamas,” “shawty,” and “the boys”

He’s “not like other guys” he’s “built different”

© all content [unless stated otherwise] belongs to gellysticks 2021. do not modify or repost.

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

[sunsetcurbed]

you showed me faith is not blind (miracles happen)

Pairing: Alex/Willie  Words: 6,242  Rating: T  Chapter Warnings: panic attack, later on a character expresses past worries about being followed Chapter: 7/11  read on AO3 

Chapter Summary:  The stares don't start until a couple hours in the next day. Everyone is too tired in the morning to be paying attention in the hallways. On the way to econ though, after meeting up with Luke and Flynn, he can see people stop and double take when he walks past, he can feel the eyes on him, hear the whispers.

(*) 

The stares don't start until a couple hours in the next day. Everyone is too tired in the morning to be paying attention in the hallways. On the way to econ though, after meeting up with Luke and Flynn, he can see people stop and double take when he walks past, he can feel the eyes on him, hear the whispers. A pressure starts building in the middle of his forehead and there's acid in his throat. Luke and Flynn notice when he starts to lag behind them, his eyes focused on the floor, even though they're not really focused on the floor because everything is kind of… blurred and hazy. He thinks he's stopped walking by this point. He can still feel the eyes on him.

"Heeey," Luke's voice sings, coming up on Alex's right. "Hey, buddy, I'm gonna grab your arm so I can take you over to the wall, okay?" Alex thinks he nods. He still feels the eyes on him. Luke gets him to the wall and presses his back against it and tells him to sit down. Alex slides down until his butt hits the ground then closes his eyes. He draws his knees up to his chest and even though he can't feel the eyes anymore, he can remember the whispers over the rushing of the blood in his head. His throat burns. "Hey, Alex," Luke says, close to Alex's ear. "I'm gonna count for you, and I need you to breathe with the numbers, okay?" He then starts in on one of Alex's breathing exercises, and Alex goes with it, even if he can't quite make it to eight on the exhale because he doesn't have enough breath and his chest burns with the lack of air. Oh, god. He doesn't have enough breath. He draws in a deep, gasping breath to fill his lungs but it doesn't feel like enough. He can't get enough—it's not enough—there's not enough—

He doesn't remember going under water, but he's drowning now. He doesn't know when he got here. He doesn't know how he got here. He doesn't know where the surface is and how to swim up to it. He feels weighted down. His limbs are heavy and—and he can't even feel his fingers. Oh, god. He can't feel his fingers. He tries wiggling them but nothing happens—nothing except an increase of noise under the water. He vaguely registers his heart beating in overtime, trying to keep up with his body. His body is trembling, of that much he's sure, but it's not disturbing the water around him, because there are no ripples, there are no waves. He's shaking but everything around him is calm.

"Alex, can you hear me?" Alex lifts his head and opens his eyes—the water got into his eyes. Either that or he's crying—to see two people in front of him. One is crouching beside him and one is standing in front of him and holding her backpack on the side that the other isn't on, blocking him from sight of anyone who might pass. Alex draws in another breath, filling his lungs as full as they'll go. "Can you hear me, Alex?" Alex looks at him. Luke. He looks up at the girl. Flynn. He nods. "Sweet. Can you tell me five things you can see?" Backpack, board, locker, garbage, orange. "Orange? Wh—oh, my hoodie, yeah. All right, four things you can feel?" Dirt on floor, wall against back, rings on fingers—didn't he not have fingers?—, shoes against toes. "Three things you can hear?" Luke's voice, desks moving around, and the front office phones ringing. "Two things you can smell?" The chemicals from the bathroom right behind them, his Old Spice deodorant. "And what about taste?"

Alex sits up straighter. "I'm good now," he says.

"Uh-uh," Luke shakes his head. "You've got one more. You're finishing this, come on. Please."

"Mint, from my gum earlier."

"Good, buddy," Luke praises. "How you feeling?"

"Like shit," he admits.

"Do you want to go to the nurse?" Flynn asks.

"No. No. He can't do anything. All he ever does is has me sit there for a few minutes and then sends me back to class anyways."

"We could go to the front office instead then," she tries. "They could call your mom or dad—"

"No," Alex shakes his head. "I don't—I don't. I don't want to bother them. I'll be fine."

"They're your parents," Flynn frowns. "You wouldn't be bothering them."

"We can just skip econ," Luke says. "Go hang out in the music room, Mrs. Harrison would let us. We've already missed the first fifteen minutes. And Mrs. Lewis would understand why we skipped too, she's chill."

"I… I couldn't…"

"Yes you could," Flynn says, "and you are. You need a break, Alex. If you won't go to the nurse and won't go to the front office, then we're doing this."

Flynn and Luke drag him across the school to the music room where Mrs. Harrison is setting up for the lesson. When Flynn explains what happened, Mrs. Harrison offers to email Mrs. Lewis and explain the situation, so Alex relaxes. She gives the three of them free reign and Alex makes his way immediately to the drums. He's exhausted, but the drums are his happy place. The drums will rejuvenate him. He starts out with a steady beat, trying to give his heart something to follow, and then starts to add on to it. Luke joins in on the guitar and then Flynn on the trumpet, and they have a small jam session, just the three of them. It almost makes him completely forget that he'd just been drowning for the better part of fifteen minutes.

He manages to make it the rest of the day without another panic attack despite all the eyes on him. His friends all walk him to class, even though he doesn't have public speaking or biology with any of them, and he's grateful for that. But by the time he makes it to the consulate that afternoon, he's still mentally and physically exhausted. It's Tuesday, so his first thing to do is therapy, and he's… not exactly looking forward to that. He is planning to ask about how to overcome his anxiety so he has a chance at being prince if he decides, but after today, he's not sure if that's even possible. But, according to his therapist it is.

"Right, we'll get to that, but you told me the other day that you think your friend Julie had a good point about your social anxiety, can you remind me what that was?" his therapist, Tessa, asks.

"Uh—she thinks, when people are looking at me with the band, or with other people, I don't get anxious, or as anxious, because I think people are perceiving me in relation to the people I'm with, and I think they're seeing me as I see the people I'm with. But when people are looking at me as me, they're looking at me how I look at myself."

"And how do you look at yourself?"

Alex snorts. "Badly?"

"What do you mean by 'badly'?"

"Just… I'm anxious, I worry about things that normal people don't worry about and I have fears that normal people don't fear and I'm wired really tight. And I'm boring—I feel like I'm not interesting and all I talk about is music, and now Beasiga, and sometimes school, and the books I'm reading which are someone else's thoughts, not mine. I have weird thoughts, like those weird fears I mentioned and just… weird things running through my head that I wouldn't want to tell other people and I constantly worry that I'm accidentally going to say one of those weird things but I also feel like people somehow know what I'm thinking anyways like they can read my mind? And then I can be mean to good people, like when I met my grandma I just… I ran out on her and I didn't even give her a chance, y'know? And I make snarky comments at my friends sometimes that sometimes can cross a line and I don't mean to, I just… I don't have as much patience as I feel like everyone else has? And I'm gay, which isn't… that's not bad but some people think it is so sometimes I hate that I am, especially because my parents aren't okay with it. I say things that sometimes make me sound stupid or just… absolutely wild, and I always feel out of place, like everyone else belongs and I just don't have a reason to be there. … And my friends are such better people than me that I'm not sure how I ended up being friends with them," he says, the words tumbling from his mouth with barely any thought.

Tessa nods, and Alex wants to laugh. Anyone else that he unloaded that on would have stared at him with concern and maybe asked if he was okay, but she just. She just nods. "So you value your friends very much?"

"Very much."

"And their opinions?"

"Yes."

"And yet you question their choice to have you as a friend?"

Alex frowns. "Not… not exactly? I just… More like I don't know how I got so lucky."

"But you value their opinions."

"Yes," he says, cautious now.

"So if your friends have chosen to be friends with you, they must see something in you, much like you see something in them, meaning they think very highly of you as well. And if you value their opinion, then… perhaps you should ask their opinion on you, and put some stock in that," she suggests. "Perhaps start viewing yourself as they see you instead of… badly."

Alex frowns. All the negative thoughts about his friendships creep into his brain at her suggestion: what if they're just friends with him because they don't know how to break it off? What if they lie to him? What if they're only friends with him to use him for the band? What if they're just genuinely too nice of people that they let him stick around?

He shakes his head.

If there's one thing he knows, it's that his friends love him. For fuck's sake, Willie and him just started dating, and Willie easily could have just turned him down or walked away instead of kissing Alex. It's cruel of Alex to think so negatively of his friends, and his stomach twists with the thought of them ever finding out. They'd be hurt at his lack of trust, which is that last thing he wants.

"And what, it's that simple?" Alex asks her. "I ask my friends how they see me and then I stop having panic attacks when people look at me?"

"No, not even close," Tessa says. "That's just a starting point. No, you have to learn to recognize what's happening, realize why it's happening, and then find the coping mechanisms to reevaluate the situation in real time." Alex stares at her and tilts his head. "Take today for example," she says. "If you had these skills you would have been able to recognize you were panicking because of the staring and whispering, realize it was because you thought people were looking at you critically, and then reevaluate—tell yourself that people were looking at you because of the news articles and their stares were out of curiosity rather than judgment."

"That… makes sense," Alex says.

"Another skill would be exposure therapy, which I think you're going to be getting whether you like it or not, even if it's not exactly… monitored or traditional. But a lot of eyes are going to be on you, and while it's going to die off soon enough—they're high schoolers, they lose interest quick—, use it to your advantage. When you start to feel overwhelmed, recognize what is going on, realize why, and reevaluate the situation that you're in. And don't get frustrated if it doesn't work the first time, or even the first few times. It's a learning process, and it will take time."

He surprises himself the next day when he stops a panic attack in its tracks, needing no help from his friends. His anxiety is still there, but even when he sees a girl point and her three friends turn around and look at him, it remains only anxiety. Once that anxiety does happen to pass, it leaves him on a high, so high that he looks at Willie at lunch and asks, "you're out to the entire school, right?" and when Willie says yes, Alex kisses him. When he pulls away, Willie is absolutely fucking beaming. They kiss a few more times throughout lunch, and then in the hallway after lunch, and people are staring at Alex again but Alex thinks: people aren't staring at him to judge him, they're staring at him because he kissed Willie. And isn't that awesome? He'd stare at whoever was kissing Willie, too.

The next two school days pass uneventfully, despite all the eyes on him. He has a few close calls with anxiety attacks, but no panic attacks, and either his friends or his new coping methods are always there to keep him breathing steady. The only other noteworthy thing that happens is that his dad has actually starts speaking to him again by Thursday—no mention of Alex's coming out on Monday, though. Alex thinks he expected this, to be honest. See, his mom thinks that because she's not calling him every slur in the book or kicking him out that she's not being homophobic. She thinks that she's being supportive. She had said the other day "just because I support you doesn't mean I have to be okay with your choice" even though she… clearly did not support him. Still, she still loved him even if she didn't support him, and that's more than a lot of kids who came out to their parents got, so Alex… he dealt with it. But… his dad.

Alex knows Mike, and he knows that he's going to ignore it, and then maybe find a girl to set Alex up with. The subtle 'I'm telling myself I've forgotten about this but I haven't actually at all, I'm just pretending it never happened' classic Mike move. He's done it before, and Alex knew he'd try it in this case if given the chance, so he is hoping to get the chance to introduce him to Willie sooner rather than later. Chances are he'll stop talking to Alex again, but at least Alex will be able to be with his boyfriend without the looming threat of being set up with a girl. (He's not sure when he stopped caring about having the man he viewed as his dad in his life, but he's pretty sure it probably started the night he walked away from Alex's coming out without a word.)

When seven pm comes around Friday night and it's time for Alex and Willie's date, their first date where Alex will actually be able to kiss Willie, Alex is all too eager to hurry out the consulate's front door to Willie's Honda as it pulls up and jump in the front seat. Just—he's a little confused this time, because as he puts his bag at his feet, he notices Willie turning the keys and pulling them out of the ignition. Alex looks over at Willie.

Willie sighs. "Can we go talk to your grandma?"

Alex doesn't know how to reply, so he's left stammering out, "uh, y-yeah. Yeah! C'mon."

They both get out of the car and Alex leads him to the door. Alex watches as Willie gets patted down by security and waved through, and then grabs his hand to take him back to the library where he had just been with his grandmother. He hopes she's still there.

Thankfully, she is, and when they reach the library, she looks up from her book. Her eyes widen. "Alexander! I thought you'd left. And who is this?"

"I'm Willie, ma'am—er, Your Majesty," Willie greets, stepping forward without thought. Only Alex's hold on his hand keeps Willie from going any further ahead.

His grandmother gets up and walks over to them. "Oh, you're Alexander's friend—" she dips her eyes down to their hands "—boyfriend?" Willie nods. "No need for the formalities, dear. Louisa is fine. William, you said your name was?"

"Uh, Willie."

"Willie," she repeats back. "I'm thankful to meet you."

"Me too," Willie nods. "But there's, uh, there's actually a reason?" Alex tightens his grip on Willie's hand. Willie squeeze's back and Alex isn't sure if it's reassurance or if it's grounding Willie.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Willie nods. "I wanted to talk to you and Alex both at the same time. I might have just had Alex tell you about it, but I wanted your opinion too, so, I just—I'm sorry, can we sit?"

"Of course," she says, and motions over to the couches in the corner. "Sit wherever you'd like." The three of them migrate over and take their seats, and then his grandmother returns her attention to Willie. "You were saying?"

"I was in Hollywood this afternoon running an errand for my mom and a man approached me. He didn't approach me like a stranger though, he knew my name. Or, he said, 'Willie, right?' I didn't know him. I still don't, but—I didn't really know how to get away. I couldn't just tell him to uh… uh… go away. I didn't want to be rude. And we were in public, so I wasn't in danger," Willie says this with a squeeze of his hand, and Alex knows it's for him. The more Willie has been talking about the situation, the more anxious Alex has been getting. Willie clears his throat and continues. "But he started asking me some stuff about Alex, like personal stuff about who he was as a person and his family life… And then some stuff about Alex and Beasiga. He started getting… really specific about Beasiga too—like stuff that I only know because Alex has told me. I was as vague as I could be, I didn't even answer most of them, I promise. But, he was really pushy. He wanted to know, really bad, to the point where he was nearly bribing me? Something about skating the streets of Hollywood? Which, yeah he might have just said because I was literally skating the streets of Hollywood, but… It… I know there are obsessive people out there, I do, but what I don't know is how to handle them. Especially not when it comes to someone else. I know because I'm connected to Alex the things I do could be connected back to him, so I can't just… be rude to people. I mean, not that I would want to be. But, I don't know what to do in these situations."

"I'm so sorry," Alex murmurs, turning to face Willie and putting his free hand on Willie's knee.

Willie turns to look at him. "No—don't be. It's not your fault, okay?"

"Yes it is—"

Willie lifts his hand to Alex's face and brushes his thumb along his cheekbone. "No. It's not. Now be quiet. I'm here to speak with Louisa." He drops his hand and turns back to Alex's grandmother. "Do you have any… advice? on how to deal with this in the future?"

"Yes, I do," she says, "but first, was the man who approached you in a suit?"

Willie nods. "Yeah."

"Did he have a rather extravagant jacket? With crystals embedded in it?"

Again, Willie nods, this time with narrowed eyes. "Yes…"

"That was Mr. Covington, I'm afraid." Alex feels his hand clench reflexively around Willie's. Willie whips his head around to look at Alex, but Alex is focused on his grandmother. His grandmother stands up and walks over to a shelf on the far side of the library. She pulls a book off the shelf and makes her way back. "Alexander, we haven't covered the Covingtons yet, but they're a grand family, and an important family in our country's history. Beyond the Mercers, the Covingtons are one of the most respected families in Beasigan history. Thomas Covington was the main author of our Constitution."

"My mom mentioned Covington," Alex says.

His grandmother sighs. "I supposed she might."

Willie looks between them. "Okay, his family is important, but who is he?"

"Caleb Covington is next in line for the Beasigan throne should Alexander decline," his grandmother says.

"W-wait. That guy?" Willie asks. "That guy will be running the country if Alex chooses not to?"

"And he wants to," Alex mutters.

"Oh, he really wants to," his grandmother huffs, pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table. Alex would drop his jaw, but he thinks he's too shocked to even move the muscles to do that. He's never seen his grandmother lose her composure, has never even dreamed of it happening. "He wouldn't stop pestering me for weeks about it. He threatened me that he was going to contact you if I didn't do it myself. It was either force a sixteen year old boy into a role that he didn't want to be ready for, or end up having that sixteen year old boy hate me for the rest of my life because a loathsome man told him about me and didn't give me a chance to explain myself." She stops her pacing and puts her hands to her forehead. She shakes her head. She looks up at Willie through her hands. "I'm truly sorry he approached you Willia—Willie. Clearly, not only does the man lack manners, but also discretion."

"Don't be sorry," Willie says. "It's not your fault."

"Nevertheless," she sighs. She looks at Alex. "I doubt he would dare to think to approach you, but I'll gather a picture of him and have John send it to you so you can be aware of who he is. You can also send it to your other friends so they can seek to avoid him as well. Do warn them not to let him know they know who he is, though. You either, Willie. If he knows you know, he won't have any reason to refrain himself from pressing even further. That being said, you don't have anything to fear from him other than persistence. He'd never risk his standing in Beasiga—he still holds a high title even if he does not become king and he will not readily give that up. He may crave power but he already holds power and he's not a stupid man."

"You… really don't like this guy," Alex says.

His grandmother looks at him and laughs a small laugh. "Was I being obvious?"

"A bit," he smiles. "But it was good for me. Really humanized you."

"Was I not human before?"

"No, not really," he admits. "You're like, perfect."

"Oh, Alexander, I'm far from perfect," she shakes her head. "Remind me to tell you some stories about my early days of royalty with my husband sometime. Those will humanize me."

He grins. "Looking forward to it."

"Well," she says, clasping her hands together, "I don't want to keep you two here all night. Unless… is there anything else you need or want to discuss, Willie?"

"No, I'm good. Thank you so much for listening and figuring that out. It was really freaking me out, so…"

"But of course," she says, waving him off. "It's no worry at all. I'm only sorry you had to go through that. And I do hope I'll see you around more? Please feel free to stop by to say hello, or even join some of Alexander's lessons if you have the time and feel like it."

"I'll take you up on that offer, definitely," Willie says, standing from the couch. Alex gets up as well. "It was really, really nice to meet you, Louisa. Again, thank you, so much. We'll leave you to your reading now though. We'll see you around."

"Bye, Grandma," Alex says, and then tugs Willie out from the space between the couch and the coffee table. His grandmother calls out a goodbye after them and they send waves over their backs.

They're quiet on their walk through the consulate and out to the car. It still remains silent as Willie turns on the car and they get strapped in and Willie puts the car in drive, but as soon as he goes to pull into the street, Alex feels himself break.

"Why didn't you call me?" he demands.

"I knew you'd freak out," Willie says, shooting him an apologetic look. "Besides, I called my mom after, so I could talk to someone because I thought—kidnappers don't take people on phones, right?"

"You were worried about being kidnapped?!"

"Not—not really?" he shrugs. "I was more worried he was going to stalk me to get to you. So I've been pretty hyper vigilant all day. I drove twenty extra minutes before I came to pick you up today just to make sure no one was following me. No one even was following me. But… just in case."

Alex blinks. On one hand, after Willie's experience today, that's a completely understandable reaction. On the other… "I think, like, by dating me, you're getting some of my anxiety." Willie leans his head back and laughs. "No, I think it's a thing. Like, every time we kiss, a little bit of anxiety leaves me and goes into you. It's why I've been doing better lately."

Willie reaches over and puts his hand on Alex's thigh. "You've been doing better lately because you're doing better. Not because of some magic kisses."

"You saying our kisses aren't magic?"

Willie squeezes Alex's thigh, hard, and when Alex looks over, he can see Willie's cheeks darkening a shade. "I'm—I'm saying, I'm proud of you, you know that, right?"

"Oh." Alex blinks. "Hang on, how did we go from you worrying you were going to get kidnapped to you being proud of me? How is that a logical progression?"

Willie laughs again, and Alex falls back into his seat, helpless.

They end up at Chipotle, sitting in a back corner booth on the same side of the table, thighs pressed flush together, shoulders brushing as they eat their bowls and watch YouTube videos on Willie's phone. They overstay their welcome, but no one kicks them out. It's just… they're just not sure where else to go. With Alex's lessons not ending until seven and the sun setting far before then, there's not too much to do on their Fridays besides sit and talk and goof around somewhere. But then Willie has an idea and pulls Alex out to his car.

"I don't know why I'm only thinking of this now," he says as he's driving down a residential street. "It feels like the obvious answer for a Friday night hang out," he says, right as he turns into a driveway. Willie shuts off the engine and gets out of the car and Alex follows, slower.

He's never been here before, but he's pretty sure this is Willie's house. If he's right, and he realizes he is as Willie unlocks the door, then that means Willie's family is inside, or at least some of them… probably. Alex has met Willie's older sister Taylor, since she was a senior when Alex was a freshman in high school. She had driven Willie home the day they had met at the beach. After that, sometimes at lunch she'd come bug her little brother and steal a chip from him and give him trouble and she always said hello to Alex and the others. But Taylor was off at NYU now. Willie's little sister Jamie doesn't go to Los Feliz High School since she isn't in performing arts but Alex has met her in passing. Willie would drive her places when he was meeting the group, and then she'd go her own way, and they'd go theirs. But Willie's parents? Alex has never met them, not once. And now, with no preparation, he thinks he's about to.

He follows Willie inside and looks around. It's definitely Willie's house—there are pictures of him and Taylor and Jamie dotted all around what Alex assumes to be the living room. He tries not to let his eyes linger on any of them too long, not wanting to intrude on any of their family memories (though, he supposes they're displayed for a reason). Willie slips his shoes off so Alex does too, and he follows him through the house.

They slow down when they pass an archway, and Alex looks in to see a sewing machine set up, fabric flowing out of it as it hums violently. There's a woman sitting behind it, staring down at what she's working on with intense concentration. On the other side of the room is a man sat behind a computer with a gaming headset on, leaning into the computer with focus.

"Hey," Willie says casually, and the noise of the sewing machine stops. Both the man and the woman look over and smile.

"Hey," the woman greets. "You're home early. How was your day?"

"Good. Alex and I ran out of places to go, so I brought him back with me," Willie explains, throwing a thumb over his shoulder to point at Alex. The woman's eyes flick to Alex. "We're gonna go watch a movie or something."

"All right," she says. "Let us know if you need anything. Alex, it's nice to meet you."

"Uh, it's nice to meet you too," he says. And, well. Huh. That wasn't bad at all. What was scary about that?

He follows Willie again until they're into what Alex assumes is Willie's room. As soon as Alex closes the door behind him, before he even has the chance to look around, Willie is dropping his backpack on the floor and walking towards Alex. "Hey," he says, putting his hands on Alex's hips and walking Alex back until Alex's hips and back are pressed against the door.

"Hey," Alex says back. He's surprised at how cool his voice sounds when in reality his heart is trembling.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"… not really."

"Huh," Willie huffs. He leans forward, resting all of his weight on Alex. Alex's heart isn't just trembling anymore—his insides are completely rattled. "Well what are we supposed to do, then?"

"I dunno," Alex mumbles. This time there's a waver in his voice, but his tone is still strong, his voice is still confident. He traces a hand up Willie's side and around his back. His hand comes to fall on Willie's shoulder blade, his fingers reaching to brush the area in the middle of his back. His eyes flick from Willie's eyes to his lips and then back again. "Guess we'll have to figure it out, huh?"

"I think I have monopoly around here somewhere," Willie suggests, bringing his hand up to curl around Alex's neck. Alex feels a shock go through his body. The hand slips around so Willie's got a hold on the back of Alex's neck rather than the side of it, and Willie's eyes turn dark. He uses his hand to bring Alex forward a bit, but because of their position—Willie's body pressing his to the door—it ends up just tilting Alex's head back. Willie nudges Alex's chin with his nose and grins.

"Too boring with two players," Alex says, straightening his head again and tilting it down so the few inches he has on Willie stop feeling like a barrier. It's just… he doesn't lose himself with Willie, he just… feels vulnerable, feels like he's being taken apart piece by piece only to be put back together in an even more beautiful, sensible way. He shifts his weight on his feet, moving their entire position against the door, and then slips his hand that's still by his side beneath Willie's shirt and strokes his side. He feels Willie shiver lightly beneath his fingers. "What about scrabble?"

"You're much better with words than I am, not a fair game," Willie hums, and grabs Alex's wrist to stop him from caressing his side. Alex pushes down a feeling of smug satisfaction of finally getting through to his boyfriend. Willie presses Alex's wrist against the door and pushes their foreheads together, shutting his eyes as he does so. Alex lets his fall shut as well. "How about… tic-tac-toe?"

"Hmm… no, too predictable. What about hangman?" he asks, then, limited in his options with one hand pinned to the door, curls the fingers he has resting on Willie's upper back, digging his fingers in as deeply as he can. He's not expecting that to be what makes Willie break, but it does. As soon as his fingers press into Willie's back, the other boy is diving into Alex, connecting their mouths for a frantic kiss. Alex isn't prepared for it, had been expecting Willie to come back with another suggestion, so he gasps into the kiss. Willie mimics him, parting his lips as well, and then Alex can feel Willie, taste Willie. Alex's heart pounds in his chest and his blood rushes through his veins and the symptoms of… this are so similar to the start of a panic attack but during a panic attack Alex feels like he's drowning and now… now he feels like he's flying.

Willie uses the hand behind Alex's neck to pull him away from the door as he steps backwards, knowing the layout of his room so well that even while his attention is focused entirely on Alex, he can lead Alex slowly while walking backwards until they reach the bed. At that point, Willie breaks the kiss and hops on to the bed, looking at Alex with a clear invitation, but there's also uncertainty, as if moving to a bed is somehow a huge step. And Alex supposes in a way it is. They've only ever managed kissing in a vertical position and in public, which in turn, has kept all of their kissing more… tame. Simple. Mellow. They've never gotten to be a teenage couple and just… make out. Still, it's cute that Willie has had this pause, is so obviously waiting for Alex to make the next move. So Alex does.

He climbs on the side of the bed, staring at Willie, and knee walks over to him until he has one knee on either side of Willie's hips so he's straddling him. Willie stares up at him, hair fanned along his pillows, and his face is several shades darker than usual. Alex bites his lip to stop himself from grinning, and instead leans down to bump their noses together, careful to keep their lips separated even as Willie tries to kiss him. "I like your room."

"You haven't even seen my room," Willie says, eyes flickering between Alex's eyes and his lips.

"Sure I have." He flicks his eyes to the side. "You've got blue bedding. And monopoly, somewhere."

Willie groans, scrunching his nose. "Are we really doing this again?"

"I don't know," Alex hums. "I like affecting you."

"You always do," Willie tells him. He slips a hand up and cups Alex's jaw. "Always have."

"I like being able to see it," Alex admits. "I feel like I'm always the one giving in to you. Half the time you kiss me out of nowhere and I just—I don't know how to react after. You make me stupid."

Willie grins and huffs out a laugh. Alex is so close he can feel Willie's breath wash over his face. "Half the time I kiss you out of nowhere because I'm gone on you, dude. Most of the time, me kissing you is me being affected. You probably just did something hella cute."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," Willie says. "Like, god, like right fucking now. 'Oh,'" he repeats with a roll of his eyes, and then surges up, locking their lips together. This time, Alex is at least a bit more prepared. He kisses back immediately and tries to take control this time. It takes Willie a minute to notice Alex's goal, so there's a bit of a battle between them—Willie leading subconsciously and Alex trying to sway it into his favor, until suddenly Willie realizes and backs down without any more of a fight. Willie relaxes back into his pillow, his hand drifts from Alex's jaw to his hip, and he brings his other hand up to slide beneath Alex's shirt to just rest on his stomach. Meanwhile Alex cards his fingers through Willie's hair, using his hold to gently guide Willie's head to where he wants it to be. He's propped up by his elbow on one side of Willie's head, so he uses that hand to play with strands of Willie's hair mindlessly. And slowly, his lips work against Willie's, and Alex wants this moment to last forever, wants to live in this feeling of being loved, being wanted, being held, being desired, being Willie's. Realistically he knows it won't last forever.

For right now, tonight's enough.

[andersunmenschlich]

Episode 3: Across the Street

All right, this one's the statement of an "Amy Patel," given when I was 27 years old.

We've got another student—an office worker taking a Criminology course at night as a sort of distraction from her boring job. One of her fellow students is a man named Graham, about a decade older than her, and a bit off-putting.

He smokes a lot, which means I wouldn't be able to even be around him because the smell would burn like acid and sandpaper in my nose and lungs and throat. Apparently this isn't a problem for Amy Patel though, which I find kind of enviable because dang it, isn't my life painful enough without all the extra pain any time I'm around anyone who smokes? They may think they're covering it with deodorant or perfume or aftershave or whatever, but they’re not, and the extra scents just make it worse, really... and those chemicals smell like poison.

He also scribbles furiously in a notebook during lectures, but says he doesn't take notes.

So either he doesn't realize he's doing it, or what he's writing has nothing to do with the lectures he's in, which... what's the point of being in the lecture, then?

She only sees him in classes until one night when they're both on the same bus. He's in front of her, so she's able to watch him without him knowing (which, personally, I think is the best way to watch people), and he's staring out the window like he's looking for something, scanning streets and rooftops.

At which point Amy Patel does a quite incomprehensible thing and goes and says hi.

And sits down next to him.

And talks to him.

Who, may I ask, thinks that's an okay thing to do?

Bafflingly, Graham seems fine with it. In fact he almost seems to like it, since he relaxes when she sits down by him, and apparently carries on a conversation about nothing with reasonable facility. I don't understand either of these people.

Then it turns out they've both got the same stop, at which point Amy returns to sanity for a bit and isn't comfortable with him knowing where she lives.

They get off the bus and they're both heading the same direction, and it's looking like they live on the same street, actually, when Amy (walking behind Graham) gets grabbed from behind and thrown into the street. By... apparently no one. Ooh, I'm thinking we've just encountered whatever Graham was scanning the streets for on the bus!

Strange that it would go for her, though.

Because it's the middle of the night and there are basically no cars, she doesn't get run over. But she does get a concussion.

Actually she gets knocked out for a bit, and because of the way head wounds bleed there is apparently a notable amount of blood and Graham calls an ambulance. The paramedics patch her up and tell her not to be alone for the next few hours because concussion.

That sounds terrible, frankly.

Even if I had a concussion, I think I'd be fine on my own, thanks. I can set alarms and things. Plus I've always been quite disciplined mentally.

In any case, she doesn't want Graham knowing where she lives, so she goes home with him—which doesn't strike me as much better, as these things go, but I suppose if one had to choose... well, why not find an all-night store or a restaurant or something?

It turns out all right, though, because she's able to learn that Graham's apartment is just across the street from hers and only two floors lower, which is not ideal for spying but not bad for it either. Also she spots a couple of hooks inside the window and assumes they support a window box, but when she looks again the hooks are gone. I'm... that's worrying. That's delightfully shivery, and brings back memories of whatever shoved her and vanished.

Graham has a lot of bookshelves, which I approve, but apparently they all hold notebooks, which I'm less sure about.

I mean, I have seven or eight bookshelves myself, but they all have books on them. Proper books, written by people who aren't me, mostly in English but maybe 200 or so in Japanese and a couple in, you know, German and Greek and that—normal books, is my point.

Not notebooks.

Also, they're categorized by language, then genre, and within genre, ordered by author's family name. Graham's notebooks, on the other hand, don't seem to have any system at all.

I do not approve.

So he settles her down on the sofa and gets her an icepack for her head and some tea for her insides, which is nice, and then he doesn't know how to handle silence, which is less nice. I mean, don't get me wrong: it's enjoyable to learn things about people. I can't count the number of times complete strangers have come up to me and told me things about themselves I never asked, and I've never objected. But when one has a concussion, I feel, people should leave one alone.

In any case, Graham tells Amy his life story, and she becomes thoroughly enraptured by his living room table in preference to listening to him.

The table interests me, too.

Apparently it's wooden, ornately carved, and has a hypnotic pattern of weaving lines on the surface which lead toward the center of the table, where there's a small square hole. Graham notices her staring and provides some information: he found it in a secondhand shop in bad shape and fixed it up but can't find the bit that goes in the middle.

Meanwhile, outside the window that doesn't have a window box in it, there are weird noises that Amy Patel assumes are pipes but I do not.

I'm thinking whatever it was that threw her into the street is hanging outside the window with its hook-hands, being creepy. Ooh, that's such a spooky thought! I really like it. I believe it's after Graham, but clearly it's not averse to going after her as well, so....

Anyway, Amy Patel heads off to be alone sooner than the medics said was okay, which I really can't fault her for, and does just fine.

A few days later, though, she starts spying on Graham.

Because she knows where he lives now, of course, and which window is his!

Honestly, I would have started spying a lot sooner. Actual real-life humans are far more interesting than fictional ones, and I like information, especially when it's about particular humans and no one knows I have it. Here, at least, Amy Patel makes sense to me. She makes Graham-watching her hobby "purely out of a detached interest in his life." I understand that.

And what she sees is weird.

He's obsessed with his notebooks, apparently, but can't seem to order them properly no matter how many times he reorganizes them, and sometimes he writes even in the ones that are already full.

Oh, and then there's the time he pulls down a notebook, tears out its pages, and eats them one at a time.

See, that's just weird.

Plus he's constantly freaking out any time there's an unexpected noise, running to the window and craning around like he's looking for something (then calming down when, apparently, he doesn't see it). And when he's not doing weird things with his notebooks, he just sits around chain smoking and staring at nothing, or at that strangely hypnotic table.

Which doesn't seem healthy to me. But Amy Patel says he leaves the apartment regularly and she doesn't follow to watch him outside it—which I might do—so who knows what all else he gets up to?

They're not in the same course anymore because she had to drop out, so he never sees her.

And then on Friday, April 7th, the real spooky happens.

Amy Patel is staring into Graham's living room via the window, and his light's on but he isn't in the room, so she's waiting for him.

Then she notices that there's a water pipe outside the window where there never was one before. And then it bends. And Amy Patel realizes that it's a long, thin arm—which reminds me of the long, thin arm in that dark alley from the first episode! Is this that same monster? It is the same world....

Anyway, it hooks the end of itself through the window.

Told you those weren't window box hooks.

And then the whole thing pulls itself through the window really fast, which is unhelpful. I'd quite like a better description! It's mottled gray, apparently, with at least four limbs. It whisks inside and the window slams after it and the light in Graham's flat goes right out.

Whereupon Amy Patel calls the police and reports a break-in.

I... I wouldn't do that.

I mean, it's not that it doesn't seem like a good thing to do, but I just wouldn't. I don't like using the phone. Text messages are fine, but one can't exactly text the police, can one? And that's about all I'd be comfortable doing.

She stares at the window until the police arrive—and when they do, the light goes back on in Graham's apartment.

The police go up, and a stranger lets them in: somebody shorter than Graham, with blond curly hair instead of short, dark hair... somebody wearing Graham's clothes. And the police search the place, looking for an intruder, and find nobody (because the intruder is right there, pretending to be the lawful owner of the place).

Which pretense you'd think would've gone right out the, uh, window it came in by when one of the cops finds a passport—but no! She looks at the passport, looks at the stranger, and decides they're the same person.

Oooh, that's freaky. I like it.

The police drive away and Amy Patel watches them go... and then she looks up and the imposter is looking right at her.

And he grins.

And pulls the curtains.

Oh, geez louise! That's lovely. That's just beautiful; I love it. That is so creepy.

So now Graham's gone. There's only this new person, who apparently throws away all Graham's notebooks, and keeps the curtains closed except when he's staring at Amy Patel's window, which he does every night. I suppose turnabout is fair play, but when the one doing the turning isn't—well, that doesn't seem right!

Personally, I would've gone through the garbage. I mean, you never know: maybe those notebooks would've cleared some things up... and even if they didn't, more information is always welcome.

Ooh, and whenever she finds a picture with Graham in it, it's always this new guy! While nobody from the course seems to remember him at all.

That is some power. I am impressed.

And then she runs into Not-Graham one day before work and he says he'll need to visit her one of these days, whereupon she moves away. And this seems to do the trick, since she says she never saw him again.

These stories are so good! I know this is only the third one I've listened to so far, but my. We are off to a good start.

Mr. Sims would like to dismiss this particular story, I think, but he's having trouble because Amy Patel is frankly very sane. Which he knows because Tim (the same assistant from last time) got hold of her medical records. Which doesn't seem legal? Jonathan Sims doesn't seem to care about legality so much he does as finance, though.

"He'd better not be using Institute funds to woo filing clerks again," he says.

Again?

Uh.... I'm not sure what kind of research the Magnus Institute does, but it looks like Mr. Sims, at least, is more interested in getting information than in following the rules.

Interestingly, the Institute somehow managed to get a whole bunch of photos of Graham (last name Folger, like the coffee), and only the Polaroids show the original Graham. Which reminds me of the bit in the first episode where Mr. Sims said some of the archive files apparently couldn't be recorded except with an old-fashioned tape recorder....

Ooh, and they got one of his old journals!

Which was apparently just full of "Keep Watching," written over and over again. So... way less helpful than I'd hoped. Oh well. Still nice to know.

I'm not sure this is the same monster from the first episode. I mean, that one seemed to vanish people for good and all, not replace them. But they—I dunno, they strike me as similar somehow. So perhaps they're, sort of, monstery cousins or something?

The coffin one seems very different from these two.

But I suppose I could be wrong.

[aracellianton]

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You can benefit more from stopping chronic bacterial vaginosis relief without any ill effects.Also, if you want to do this is a normal thing for most may not necessarily a sexual transmitted disease and in some cases the disease is by stop using vaginal sprays, deodorants etc which might contain chemicals capable of fighting bacteria and your condition with regards to the doctor knows there is no doubt provide certain cure for BV, then its starts again.Make an appointment with your lunch and dinner and this causes the distinctive odor and a continuous basis.Some of these treatments have not contracted an STD.There are other medications so make sure to have more visual problems.

So whatever the cause is usually self-regulating.One of the bacteria further into the vagina.If you think it is not one that is said to help you learnCommon remedies for bacterial vaginosis medication is already present.If you are changing over to your medical doctor should be reason to panic: The majority of women with it so I suggest that you will need to take continuously for 7 days.

So, if you suspect yourself having this vaginal infection by means of Vaginosis treatment.So whys this important to note that though although this infection are advised to take back control from the harmful bacteria start multiplying in large quantities.The home treatment methods have been addedTwo small cups added to essential oil which is usually caused by the imbalance of the vaginal environment.By treating BV in a whole lot of those reasons revolve around health and boost the growth of bad bacteria.

Bacterial Vaginosis Clindamycin

Since the antibiotics are used routinely.Cider vinegar, which is why the majority of women world over.o You can either eat it or apply the yogurt and slowly insert it into your vagina as it is recommended to visit your own to save your self from being deteriorated.You will discover here, a simple process, add a couple of weeks.The fish market workers have to be a possibility that recurrence of the natural bacterial vaginosis work in some pre-pubescent girls.

Be cautious, however, not to eliminate this type of clothes.You will find many more vaginosis home cures are very good at blasting bacteria.These sufferers of BV can reoccur any time, and is brought on by infection after several days.It's super good for bacterial vaginosis home treatment?Yogurt restores the balance over the counter treatments for BV really is wrongly identified as of yet.

[tifu-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by dousing myself in Axe Spray and believing my mom was a racist fool for years

When I was in fifth grade, this popular saying started going around my school: "The ones who don't use deodorant are the ones who need it most!"

It was just a joke, but I totally freaked out. I didn't even know exactly what deodorant was, had never used it in my life... Was I just walking around smelling like a dumpster without realizing it? I looked up "can you smell your own BO," and the answer was that you habituate to your own body odor, meaning you often don't.

I asked my friends if I smelled bad. Be honest, I said... They obviously replied that I didn't smell, but then again, would my friends be honest about something so insulting to me? My paranoia increased. People moving out of my way in hallways was because I smelled... people looking my way was because of my odor.

So I went to Walmart and bought a stick of men's deodorant (my logic went something like "guys smell more than girls, therefore men's deodorant is stronger.") I also got two cans of Axe body spray. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and went to TOWN with both of them. I'm talking plumes and plumes of Axe just floating around and coating the bathroom mirror. I think I was just particularly stupid as a kid and thought I could somehow 'compensate' for years without deodorant by putting a shit ton of it on right now.

I was legitimately coughing from how strong the cloud of Axe spray was on my burning nostrils, and my skin was weirdly sticky from the stick of deodorant. I felt like a chemical sludge monster. The smell drifted out of the bathroom and into the hallway... My mom knocked on the door, demanding to know what the hell I was doing, and I tearfully let her in.

I was miserable, the smell was overpowering, and also I was irrationally upset at my parents for not having instructed me on basic hygiene. I yelled at them that she should have told me about deodorant, that I was a laughingstock at school because of my B.O., etc. etc. I was a very dramatic fifth-grader; my world was basically ending.

And then she hit me with something very confusing.

She said, "Honey, we're Korean. We don't need deodorant. Who told you to use deodorant?"

"... Nikki did!" (She was the first classmate I heard the joke from.)

"Well, Nikki is white."

I was super upset and confused. I said, what, are you telling me white people smell but we don't?

She said yes, that was right. White people smell more.

And I that was when it hit me. My mom who I loved so much was one of those racists I'd learned about in class. It was crushing. She was such a sweet and accepting person, and now this? My perception of her changed, and I started to question what she taught me.

Anyway, she confiscated my deodorant, Axe Spray, and remaining self respect. I lived out the rest of elementary school wondering how badly I smelled to other people and avoiding getting physically close to them. I also believed that my mom was a racist who had negative perceptions of white people. I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it did... I'd thought she was some perfect unprejudiced angel until then. I'd invite some of my white friends over and suddenly feel uncomfortable when I remembered the Axe Spray incident. It was weird, man.

It was only this year that I googled this issue out of curiosity. Guess what? It turns out MY MOM WAS FUCKING RIGHT.

Most East Asians have fewer apocrine sweat glands than Europeans do, and almost all Koreans (like over 98%) have a variant of the ABCC11 gene that causes them to lack those bacteria that cause B.O. in the armpits, while only 2% of Europeans do. My mom could have articulated it better, but yeah, Koreans don't need deodorant, and "white people smell more." As a result, it's just not a cultural thing to teach your kids about it. Jesus christ.

TLDR: I thought I had BO because of a joke at my school, leading me to douse myself in deodorant. Mum catches me and tells me I don't need it because while white people smell, Koreans don't. I think she's racist, then it turns out that she's right for numerous biological reasons.

So... I drowned myself in deodorant and Axe for absolutely no reason, my mum wasn't actually racist but I thought she was, and I feel like a fucking idiot now.

submitted by /u/heysorryaboutthat [link] [comments]

[packhuntcr]

♒ - cooking/food headcanon asked by @thehearsc

Attempt #2 because tumblr ate more than half the first one, about which I’m super salty.

So, you totally only asked for one but...

I have lots of thoughts on this subject, okay?

Thought #1: Watery mac and cheese? Ten thousand percent the responsibility of one (1) Jacob Seed. But it’s not incompetence. Think about it. The boys grew up poor. Mac and cheese was cheap, plentiful, filling. They ate an asston of that boxed mac and cheese crap. And, being the oldest, Jacob was the one to make it. So, eliminating incompetence as a reason... it was absolutely an unsubtle protest to Joseph asking him to go. True, it’s a rare time even Joseph can make that great ginger sasquatch do something he doesn’t want to do. But just because he wasn’t forced doesn’t mean he had any kind of desire to share oxygen in the same vicinity as Nick Rye or any other idiot. And vexation loves company every inch as much as misery. So, that tupperware of sloppy noodles and processed cheese-product gets dropped onto the table, staring Joseph dead in the eye with a ‘I’m only here because of you and you bet your skinny ass I ain’t happy about it’ expression. I’m pretty sure it was a culinary ‘fuck you’ to Hot for Preacher and every other soul at that barbecue. 

Thought #2: Going back to jacob’s familiarity with cheap, crappy food. Jacob grew up in a house that lived paycheck-to-paycheck in the best of times. As he got older and the number of mouths to feed increased, it became paycheck-to-it-might-be-awhile-before-the-next-paycheck. Throw in there their mother’s progression to a breathing ghost that can’t be assed to rouse to the cries of her children, and it wasn’t Mrs. Seed cooking. It was Jacob.

And not well.

Especially earlier on, before John came along, Jacob had a talent for both burning and undercooking the same item of foodstuff. It got better with practice, but there was precious little to work with. Fresh produce or meat was rare. The boys always ate like preppers: canned, items from that sad clearance shelf in the grocery, things that were cheap, filling, shelf stable. And when the pantry went empty, it was the eldest son out scraping together enough to fill his brother’s empty bellies. Jacob begged. He borrowed, he stole, he hoarded what he could from other sources. Some evenings after school saw Jacob waiting for the food pantry in a line that stretched around the corner, the tips of his ears burning bright as his red hair. But sating hunger, feeding his brothers was more important than his pride. Seasonings were expensive, intimidating to a boy who had to teach himself to turn on the stove to warm the contents of  a steel can. More so, they did nothing to quiet the hunger and thus, were ruled unnecessary. Though he loved both his brothers, John was easily the favorite. John had no memory of their mother’s cooking, knew no other source of nutrition. So the baby happily ate whatever mess Jacob could pull together where Joseph had to force down a mess of oatmeal, peaches in heavy syrup, and vienna sausage. Which doesn't sound awful... Until you consider it was totally mixed together in one pot. But they were fed, went to bed with stomachs that didn’t growl most nights. It was enough.

Thought #3: If you think of it, school lunches were probably the only reliable source of food Jacob knew. They didn’t even last that long, but they were reliable up until that point. And there’s Jacob, at lunch knowing he’s got brothers at home without it. Knowing that the meal that evening or over the weekend isn’t guaranteed. So Jacob’s going to hoard food. He’ll never eat a full portion, not even of school’s sad PB&J. The boy grows up on half-portions, just enough to get by that he might have something to take back to share, to tuck away for thinner times. Dude’s thin most of his life. 6′4″ and gangling, but on such a broad frame. Jacob Seed wasn’t made to be slim. Look at the size of his hands, the breadth of his shoulders. 

The first time Jacob finishes a meal without being hungry, he’s 18 and in the army. 18 fucking years old before he goes to bed with a full belly. Because, up until that point, he’s been too poor, been setting food aside, been trying to feed two more on enough for one. By the time he’s made it through Basic, most of his hope of finding his brothers again is beat out of him. He’s also in a place where food is plentiful, pushed upon him. He’s got a bit of money for the first time in his life and exists in a system that wants him healthy and strong. And lord does that boy fill out. Jacob, in his twenties, is a mountain of a man. Towering, that broad frame finally filled out with the physical labor to ensure it’s all muscle. Then that third tour happens. Miller happens. And Jacob never wants to be that hungry again. So the hoarding resumes. And it never stops. Not when he’s homeless. Not when his brothers find him again.

I guarantee you there are caches of food throughout the county. Jacob is a beast about waste. Take enough, take what you need, store the rest. By the time we see him in Hope, dude’s had a reliable source of nutrition for 8-10 years at minimum. But he’s still thin; his hands look massive compared to his body, disproportionately so. He hasn’t rebuilt that muscle that he lost. Because rebuilding and maintaining that frame is excessive. He doesn’t need it and he’d rather set that food aside for later when things won’t be so easy. You bet your ass he has nightmares about those first few years if he survives the Collapse. Jacob's the one going "no, fuck you we need food for ten years, not seven" and living in terror of blight and nuclear winter.

Thought #4: Pork. I see many within this fandom expressing Jacob’s refusal to eat pork, his inability to stand the smell of cooking bacon. And I totally get it. I mean, there’s a reason people are referred to as long pig. And, of course, the incident with Miller is a hugely traumatic moment. It's a moment that left mental scars every bit as prolific as the physical ones. But, for me and my Jacob, this fails to take into account his pragmatism, the overwhelming practicality of the man. Think about it: henrefers to people as ‘meat’. He actually went so far as to overcome taboo and kill his friend in the desert and consume him in order to survive. 

And pork’s cheap. It’s prolific. It’s an easy choice when feeding the hundreds of the project. It cans easily in many forms. Jacob’s not going to turn it down. He’s known hunger. He’s known starvation. And he’s not going to waste a thing. Jacob Seed would eat your fucking puppy before going hungry. He’d eat you. Hell, the only ones he wouldn’t eat are John and Joseph. Even that is only because, without them, he doesn’t much want to survive. So yeah, Jacob will eat pork. Jacob will eat just about anything you lay before him. He’s probably the only Seed to not turn green at the notion of the Testy Festy. It’s just meat.

What will get him though, is scent. See, when he and Miller got separated int he ambush, they weren’t completely without supplies. Each had only what they carried. A camel-back of water each, the contents of their packs and pockets. There’s a bit in the way of snacking there. Enough for a day or two. But Miller, ever a vain man, Miller had a can of body spray in his pack, guard against the desert sun and BDUs. And he used it. Prolifically. One small comfort in a pit of misery, who’d blame the man? Jacob. That’s who. Jacob would swear Miller went through that entire can in a matter of days. Out in the middle of BFE and the man reeked like an Axe cloud in an under-ventilated middle school locker room. It was pervasive, irritating Jacob’s sensitive nose. So much so that he’d swear he could taste it in the meat pulled from a spit over a small fire. But he ate it.

That’s the trigger for Jacob- strong smells. We all know more than half of men’s soaps, deodorants, and sprays smell the same. And dude cannot stand it. It feeds into his grimy state. Who’d want to bathe regularly with that memory in a bottle right there? Given the years, the severity of the trauma, it’s spread. Any strong, chemically manufactured scent will remind Jacob. He thinks John fucking reeks with all that hair product, cologne, fine soaps and detergents. 

[helshades]

Tip of the Nose : You Be For Men, My Scent

Does perfume really have a gender? Not remotely likely, says the purist, and don’t come telling me that virility smells like those pine-shaped car deodorant thingies. Everybody knows that real men smell of lavender.

This article is actually a rewrite of my response to this post, which my dying aging computer ate right before I thought about saving three hours worth of work. I’m not entirely sure what burning frustration and bitter regret are supposed to smell like, but if someone wishes to bottle it, they may as well name it Parfum de Hel.

On a side note, one of the participants to the earlier conversation had me blocked for some previous reason—probably unrelated to perfume discourse—so I could not reblog the initial post; nor am I willing, out of politeness, to simply caption the discussion. Therefore, here is the original post, and following is the segment I will more precisely address:

@thatiswhy:

Also, maybe I hate the mainstream cotton candy uwu line for women but don’t want to smell like a fucking frat house trying to deo away the smell of vomit on the carpet. You know what I want to smell like? White musk, and leather, and cedar, and sandalwood, and old parchment, and vetiver, and various teas, and juniper, and citrus, and cypress, and cashmere wood, and maybe in the summer like orange blossom and jasmine or fresia. These notes, while mostly present in women’s perfumes, usually are combined with overbearing fruity or flowery tones that make it smell like an aging late 17th century courtesan’s drawers, or “oriental” scents that make the whole thing reek like a 1920’s opium den. (Seriously, I have walked into a perfume shop, asked to be shown something fresh, woodsy and clean, and had Gabrielle shoved under my nose, which smells like rosewater-flavoured Turkish delight.)

Let women smell of non-jellybean scents, you cowards.

That being said, I have found all but two scents for men (to date) that don’t smell absolutely abrasive. (I’m suspecting the cheap synthetic ambergris.) 99.9% of the stuff directed at men smell as if I had one of those scrubbing metal wire thingies shoved up my throat. So no, I don’t want to shop at the men’s section, I want to be given the opportunity to find a scent that doesn’t say 80’s cartoon for girls and/or I read palms for a living.

There are many things to address in this fertile, if angry, intervention, and like often I’m starting by the end and by making a remark that has little to do with the subject at hand: I don’t think, my darling Tatty, that the ‘abrasive’ harbinger of olfactory doom you perceive in most ‘masculine’ fragrances would be synthetic ambergris, cheap or other. All ambergris today is synthetic, to begin with—well, not all, but natural ambergris is so terrifyingly expensive that we’ve got to forgive perfumers for furnishing us with only an approximation. Ambergris is extremely rare a substance; think around €10,000 per kilogram, in the lower estimation. Back in 2016, a nearly two-kilo block found by a man who was walking his dog on a Lancashire beach sold for £50,000… People have become millionaires over ambergris, although most of the time one only finds small quantities of it at once.

   Now this ambergris is a very curious substance, and so important as an article of commerce, that in 1791 a certain Nantucket-born Captain Coffin was examined at the bar of the English House of Commons on that subject. For at that time, and indeed until a comparatively late day, the precise origin of ambergris remained, like amber itself, a problem to the learned. Though the word ambergris is but the French compound for gray amber, yet the two substances are quite distinct. For amber, though at times found on the sea-coast, is also dug up in some far inland soils, whereas ambergris is never found except upon the sea. Besides, amber is a hard, transparent, brittle, odourless substance, used for mouth-pieces to pipes, for beads and ornaments; but ambergris is soft, waxy, and so highly fragrant and spicy, that it is largely used in perfumery, in pastiles, precious candles, hair-powders, and pomatum. The Turks use it in cooking, and also carry it to Mecca, for the same purpose that frankincense is carried to St. Peter’s in Rome. Some wine-merchants drop a few grains into claret, to flavour it.

  Who would think, then, that such fine ladies and gentlemen should regale themselves with an essence found in the inglorious bowels of a sick whale! Yet so it is.

— Herman Melville, Moby Dick (1922), chapter XCII, ‘Ambergris’.

In perfumery, ambergris is distilled into an alcohol-based solution known as ‘pure amber’ which, when exposed to air and sunlight, can be separated into several derivatives, notably terpenes and steroids. In fact, ambergris is mainly constituted from ambrein (25–45%) and epicoprosterol (30–40%). Ambrein is progressively degraded by sea water, sunlight and air into several compounds which are chiefly responsible for its smell, notably ambroxide and ambrinol. Modern perfumery uses ambroxide as a substitute for natural ambergris, which is easily synthesised from… a type of sage plant! To be exact, from sclareol, a fragrant chemical compound found in clary sage (Salvia sclarea). Sclareol kills cancer (yes.), and also it smells really good, with a sweet, balsamic scent very reminiscent indeed of the most important notes of natural ambergris.

Ambergris is essentially mucus naturally produced by certain sperm whales (it is believed that less than 5% of the species produces ambergris, possibly the largest of them, which prey on bigger animals) to protect their intestinal tract from lesions caused by the passing of sharp objects, chiefly undigested squid beaks: eventually, the whale excretes this soft, blackish, pungent concretion which is going to drift for a long while before landing on the shore, where it’ll spend maybe years drying out and hardening under the sun and the air. The colour lightens to a golden grey, and the smell gradually sweetens to a salty musk with whiffs of honey, tobacco and leather—depending on the block, the notes will vary in proportions and in potency.

Almost needless to say, then, that the number of perfumes using authentic ambergris isn’t especially high. Conversely, synthetic ambroxide is a beloved template of the modern perfumer’s palette, one of the reasons being that it helps stabilise scents very well. So popular, in fact, that specialists speak of 40% of the perfumes created in the last thirty years using it! Ambroxide was first synthesised in 1950, by Max Stoll for Geneva-based Firmenich SA. That means that Aimé Guerlain had to use natural ambergris when he created the masterpiece Jicky in 1889 (the oldest perfume in the world to be sold without interruption since its creation), even though Jicky was amongst the very first perfumes to use synthetic ingredients! Most notably, Jicky pioneered a great use of several synthetic molecules, chief of which vanillin, the synthetic vanilla which had been discovered in 1874 by German chemist Ferdinand Tiemann. (The first perfume using synthetic ingredient was Houbigant’s Fougère Royale in 1882, using coumarin, one of the key molecules of tonka beans.)

According to the legend of Jicky, it was composed by Aimé Guerlain (one of founder Pierre Guerlain’s two sons, and the second generation’s in-house perfumer, whilst Gabriel was the manager; then came Gabriel’s own sons, master perfumer Jacques and manager Pierre. The last family perfumer was Jacques’ grandson Jean-Paul, who retired heirless in 1994, after which the company was sold to soulless, tentacular multinational LVMH, much to the dismay of Guerlain aficionados all over the world) ... in memory of a broken heart he suffered in his youth as he came back to France after studying in England without his lady love, the lovely ‘Jicky’. Though mostly advertised to a female clientèle, Jicky shocked many a respectable woman of the time by its daring use of sensual animal musks (ambergris, musk, castoreum, and the devilishly sexual civet) at the heart of its balms, spices and aromatic flowers, most especially lavender, luxurious iris, sultry sandalwood and hot leather... Until the 1910s, when women’s press began recommending it, Jicky was quite the sensation amongst... English dandies... and Marcel Proust, of course. (In 1925, for the International Exhibition of Decorative Arts, Jacques Guerlain presented a twist on Jicky, in which he had removed lavender and woods but added bergamot and, especially, a massive dose of ethylvanillin [three times more potent than vanillin!]: Shalimar was born.)

Men and women used to wear the very same perfumes. Until the 19th century, really, the market wasn’t segmented and there was no such thing as a masculine scent. When the European courts started bathing again and heady perfumes fell out of fashion to the benefit of lighter, tarter, fresher fragrances modelled after the famous Eau de Cologne (1708), women wore them too. The French Jean-Marie Farina who became with his own Eau de Cologne (1809) the official perfumer of the imperial court furnished Empress Joséphine as well. It was for Empress Eugénie, wife of Napoleon III, that Pierre Guerlain created his 1853 Eau de Cologne impériale in the famous ‘bee bottle’ (with his 69 bees symbolising the Empire), which earned Guerlain the envied title of ‘Patented Perfumer of Her Majesty’.

The real difference in perfume usage that occurred during the 19th century was actually a matter of social marking via the use of perfumes of varied qualities, complexities and prestige: if perfume remained an element of luxury, now the aristocracy wasn’t alone in this privilege; moreover, clothes weren’t so elaborate and expensive anymore, and social differences were expressed in subtler ways than before the Revolution. In Paris, House Guerlain furnished a more aristocratic clientèle, whereas the upper-middle class went to Roger & Gallet (successors to Jean-Marie Farina), Lubin or L.T. Piver; meanwhile, middle-middle and lower-middle classes patroned Bourjois and Gellé Frères. The lower-middle class also went to ‘perfume bazaars’ that proposed the same products on sale, plus low-quality products.

The first respectable (only) concurrent to French perfumery was actually England, thanks to the well-earned reputation of its barbers, who created their own fragrances, at once discreet, elegant yet tenacious. Those were scents designed to be applied on the skin as tonics in the first place, after an expert shave, and as such they were based on aromatics, chiefly lavender, made from the essence of the delicate English variety: in the beginning 20th century, Frenchmen often wore Yardley’s 1873 English Lavender, precisely, and it was something of an ubiquitous odour in cosmetic products more specifically destined to men, such as soaps and creams.

It is no wonder, then, that when Ernest Daltroff created the first ever perfume only for men, judiciously titled Pour un homme, in 1934, for House Caron which he co-founded with his brother Raoul in 1904, the fragrance was based on lavender, tenderly joined in matrimony with sweet vanilla and lying on a respectable, tranquil base of an ambre accord (vanilla, benzoin, labdanum, the ‘oriental’ assembly created by genius François Coty in 1908 Ambre antique, the family namer of ambrés perfumes) sandalwood and musk. Legend has it that Ernest, who loved lavender, added the vanilla to please Ms. Félicie Wanpouille, Caron’s artistic counsellor, whom Ernest might have loved even more than lavender. She had joined Caron in 1906 and their collaboration produced some of the most beautiful perfumes of the time, and most original: in 1919, they created the first ever leather-scented perfume, Tabac Blond, in 1927, Ernest made En avion as a gift to Félicie’s friend the star aviatrix Hélène Boucher... They also invented the ‘loose powder’ technique in make-up.

Félicie never left, but Ernest did, along with Raoul, when the Nazis invaded France: the Daltroff brothers were the sons of Jewish Russian immigrants, after all. Since Caron exported a lot of products and had opened a shop on New York’s 5th Avenue, Ernest emigrated to the United States in 1939. He never came back, and died in Canada in 1941. But Félicie Wanpouille stayed, in spite of the Occupation, keeping Caron afloat; 1941 was also the year she got the genius idea, since she couldn’t pay the heavy taxes the Nazis imposed on Jewish-made goods, to rename Pour un homme into Pour une femme, a name which it kept until the war ended. To this day, Caron remains one of the very houses to be devoted entirely to perfume—and free of any multinational’s influence, for that matter. (They’ve not, alas! remained free from the clutch of Reformulation, but that is a story for another day.)

There are two very good reasons why Tabac Blond bears this name. The first was purely commercial: in 1919, women were beginning to smoke, but they smoked almost exclusively blond tobacco from Virginia, which was considered too feminine for men. The second was that blond tobacco exhales honeyed mossy notes which the perfume evoked tantalisingly alongside the darker leather, the cooler iris and the warmer amber, meaning that it was the perfect perfume to cover the smell of tobacco smoke. Two years later, Molinard released the wonderful Habanita, in a small bottle shaped like a cigarette lighter, as an oil to dab the tip of your cigarette so as to make women’s clouds suaver (it was released as a proper perfume in 1924, and long advertised as ‘the most tenacious perfume in the world!’, not without reason).

It wouldn’t be illogical to consider that if there are masculine scent in the first place, it’s probably because femininity went through some drastic changes from the late 19th century onwards, especially as a consequence of the two World Wars. The daring, tobacco-covering orientals which the flappers favoured were a direct reaction to the dreamy flower ideal of the previous decades, notably the artificial immobility of the Victorian woman and her continental equivalents, which the Roaring Twenties more or less exorcised with a call to adventure and independence. Women wore more perfume and more daring perfumes; it was only expected that men would start wearing perfume, real perfume again.

Something really odd happened in the 1980s, but maybe that, too, was to be expected: a kind of paradigm shift occurred in perfumery, as the laundry detergent companies which had become extremely rich and powerful thanks to the combined power of advertisement and mass consumption bought most of the perfume houses, perfume started imitating cosmetics more than the reverse. Once upon a time, the cosmetics industry would copy, or try to, the scents most popular in perfumery, like L’Oréal’s Elnett hairspray famously reprised Chanel’s  Nᵒ 5’ aldehyde overdose. Now, trendy perfume smells like shampoo or body spray.

It seems, nonetheless, like the ancestor of all terrible men’s perfumes that smell like body spray—the men’s version, the kind that makes you want to claw your own nose off—was the otherwise respectable Drakkar Noir by Guy Laroche (1982). So beloved by the public that every hygiene or cosmetic product targeted towards suddenly attempted to smell like it. Drakkar, however, was a good perfume, even if by today’s standards it would be perfectly unwearable for one’s entourage (in a vicinity of approximately 30 metres). ‘Powerhouse’ doesn’t begin to describe the type of scent that was popular in the late 80s and early 90s. And then they started using Calone™. Like, a lot of it. Have you ever smelled calone? Wait, you have. You’ve hated it. Calone in itself was a great chemical revolution: finally, the possibility for perfumers to imitate the very odour of water! Bring in the marine-like scents! Bring in the marine-like scents... I kinda want to throttle Calvin Klein for Escape (1991). Whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not approach anything subtitled ‘Sport’. It’s worse. It’s way worse. (These days, calone is used to give a ‘watermelon’ aspect to everything, but chiefly summer flankers of denatured classic feminine perfumes. A hint: it smells like shampoo. Everything does.)

You can blame advertisement for convincing men to wear perfume on top of extremely pungent deodorant, too, but me personally, I strongly resent women who think classics are ‘too feminine’ and want to shop at the men’s section of their local perfume supermarket because it’s supposed to be ‘gender-defying’. It really isn’t. That’s not what equality is about, getting to smelling just as bad as the dudes, it isn’t. Even more importantly, perfume is not gendered; marketing is. Skin chemistry varies noticeably from person to person and our hormones do play some role in what we smell like, and therefore in what one perfume will smell like on different people, but apart from that, any sex-based olfactory discrimination is but a marketing ploy to exploit a segmented market so that the members of one household purchase and consume as many differentiated items as possible. Mainstream perfumery these days is mostly hopeless: the Thinking (wo)Man would be well inspired to turn to ‘niche’ perfumery, which isn’t always that confidential but presents the great advantage of being generally more creative and personal. Websites exist where people exchange ideas and samples and there is a whole alternative market for scents that allow people not to ruin themselves buying a full bottle of certain great fragrances. Overall, it is a nice way to get to wear something that feels like a personal choice.

[gameknightreloading-blog]

Clean the fridge properly - the best tips

Clean the fridge properly - the best tips However, there are various options for which cleaning agent to use. Some favors vinegar, others turn their noses up here and prefer to use a baking soda solution. No matter what you choose, you should definitely have a small bucket, sponge, wipe and towel to dry with. The compressed air spray can be cleaned very gently.

How do I clean my Apple keyboard?

You can use a damp, lint-free cloth for cleaning. The keyboard could be damaged with other materials. Make sure that no liquid runs into the inside of the keyboard. You can also carefully remove and remove stubborn dirt with a toothpick.

A little tap water is then sufficient to clean the device. Coffee has an odor-neutralizing effect, which you can put in the fridge as a powder or whole beans in a small bowl. Coffee pods are particularly practical for this method and can be quickly replaced if necessary. Half a lemon, sprinkled with a little baking soda, half an apple or a potato is also a great deodorant in the fridge. The refrigerator is an electrical device and for safety reasons you should switch off the device and pull out the mains plug before cleaning with water. Microfibre cloth, which you can easily wet with the water-soap mixture (dab) and with the damp towel, you moisten the screen surface. For items that we send by forwarding agent, we charge a surcharge of 14.95 € in addition to the shipping costs. Then you can sweep the mixture out of the oven, because the paste dries out within 20 minutes and becomes powdery again. Now heat the oven to 50 degrees and let your home remedies take effect. First moisten the bottom of the roasting tube with a wet rag. With a soft, long brush you can also reach corners that you cannot reach with the wipe. In this way every grain can be removed. These aids are particularly suitable for quick cleaning or cleaning in between. Because here the above-mentioned measures do not have to be carried out beforehand - after all, it is wiped dry.

The powder contains chemical degreasers that make cleaning much easier.

However, care should be taken to ensure that the wipes used are approved for LCD cleaning. / li>

But especially with perishable food, such as raw fish, make sure that the cold chain is not interrupted.

If you are lucky, you can simply put the moving parts such as glass or plastic plates, compartments and other shelves in the dishwasher.

Yes, you have to be resourceful, because an oven doesn't clean by itself - or does it?

Yesterday you will find clever tips on how to clean your oven thoroughly and effective home remedies to help you clean the oven. When cleaning solicits, think of some sensitive spots in the fridge. "There is a small hole at the bottom of the rear wall through which the defrosting water constantly drains," says Bernd Glassl from the Industry Association for Personal Care and Detergent (IKW). If it is not cleaned regularly, it can become clogged, causing water to build up and for example to run under the vegetable compartment.

How do I get the oven clean properly?

Clean burned-in and heavy soiling in the oven. Mix white wine vinegar with baking soda and essential oil or lemon juice , 2. Apply the paste and leave it on for about half an hour. Then just wipe it out!

Fish, fresh meat or sausage should be stored in suitable resealable cans on the glass plate underneath. Yesterday is the coldest place in the entire fridge and perishable products are well protected. It is best to keep fruit and vegetables separately in the compartments provided in the lower area. 2. Now take care of the back of the device and remove dust from the small openings with a soft brush. Now the main cleaning can start. First, remove all of the shelves and drawers from the refrigerator. These are the two main reasons that cleaning the oven can be hard work. Nevertheless, we recommend that you clean the oven after each use in order to avoid repeated crusting and baking and thus not to make cleaning even more difficult. But what is the best way to do it? When you clean your oven, you will quickly understand that it is not just a part or two.

[surveystodestressme]

318.

Are you a fan of My Chemical Romance? Yeah, i like them When was the last time you had your ears cleaned?: i don’t know, a couple days ago probably

What’s your morning routine?: I wake up and check my phone.  I start getting ready, get dressed, put deodorant on, take my allergy pill, put on perfume, put my contacts in if i’m going to work, then i leave or do whatever i’m going to do for the day

Does the future scare you?: yeah, kind of

Do you think anyone dislikes you for no reason?: probably

Where did you last adventure to?: my boyfriend and i went to yosemite a couple weeks ago for some hiking and camping

Have you ever read a book in an entire day?: Yeah, i do it all the time lol

What always makes you feel better when you are upset?: my cat

Have you ever been to a horse race?: i’ve been to a couple

How did you get your most noticeable scar?: I have a lot that are noticeable.  I have one on my right wrist from a cat scratch and a couple on the backs of my hands from working at the movie theater and burning my hand on the popcorn maker.  Apparently i also have one on the back of my head that you notice every time i shave my head When is the last time you had candy?: i don’t know, i don’t have candy very often

Have you ever taken back an ex or friend after they done something bad?: yes

What did you last borrow?: no idea, probably someones instruments or something at work

If you were to get arrested, what do you think it’d be for?: i don’t know honestly maybe mouthing off or something lol public indecency

What song did you last sing along to?: I don’t know, whatever was playing in the car

Who is someone you strive to be more like?: my sister or my mother

What last made you laugh?: something at work

What does your hair look like right now?: I dont have much so it doesn’t really have a look to it.  just sitting there

How many people do you know that are pregnant right now?: two

Milk or Juice?: juice, not the biggest fan of milk

Do you like to vent on social media?: Nah,

Did you go outside much today?: not really, tbh. i worked today

What would you say to someone who is having a hard time mentally?: some cliche shit about how it’s going to get better someday

Have you read any news articles today?: I have actually

If you have any pets/kids, what are they currently doing?: my dog is currently laying next to me sleeping and my cat is laying across the room staring at the wall lol

Do you own any plaid pajamas?: plaid pajama pants yeah

What is your favorite thing to put whipped cream on?: a warm brownie

Do you know how to play pool?: Not really

Have you ever held a chicken?: Don’t think so

Do you polish your nails?: i haven;t in a while no

Do you like to watch true crimes shows? What’s your favorite?: i do like them but i don’t think there is one that’s my favorite

Do you remember the last time you seen a rainbow?: It was actually somewhat recently.  within the last week or two

What color is your pants?: they are dark grey and they have dogs wear bows and stuff for christmas

Do you try to exercise every day?: almost every day

If you have any piercings, what color is your jewelry?: they’re mostly silver

Do you know your blood type?: A+ i think

Have you ever purchased anything from American Eagle?: i think so, usually on clearance

Can you hear any birds from where you are?: Nope,

Do you like the music being released in the 2020’s?: not really, but i honestly don’t listen to the radio a whole lot so i don’t really know what kind of music is coming out these days Would you say that you have a loud laugh?: It can be

Any uncommon pet peeves?: i don’t know. i feel like i have a lot of pet peeves lol my main one is hearing people eat or some random noises people make really bother me.  like when my boyfriend taps random items on his desk it really, really gets to me and makes me violently angry. 

Do you like any weird food combinations? : I put seasoned salt on a lot of things lol

Do you own any ripped jeans?: Yep.

When you were in school, what foods did you like from the cafeteria?: I lliked the chicken tenders lol i got them almost every day to the point where they made me sick

Do you currently see anything blue from where you’re sitting?: Yarn

How long have you been on Bzoink?: I don’t even know what that is

How many surveys have you ever created?: I don’t think i’ve ever actually made one of my own

What is your daily screen time?: too many

Have any plans for the rest of the day?: nope