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lotties-ashwagandha · 2 years ago

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hi hi!! if u have time can i request a tess x autistic fem reader fic whereby tess comforts them when theyre overstimilated?? like maybe theyre having dinner at bill n franks and the sounds/ textures are ick TM ajsk idk, it doesnt rly matter, thats just what i thought of first... and like maybe she lets u stim with her fingers... or maybe she puts on a record (cause its bill n franks and i imagine they have them)...

sorry that was v poorly thought out asjd

WALK THROUGH FIRE, I WILL BE THERE

pairing: tess servopoulos x autistic!fem!reader

word count: 1544

notes and warnings: i loveee this request sm,, also i just feel the need to say this is from my own experiences with being overstimulated as an autistic person,, i know it's a little different for everyone but this is just written from my own experiences and sensitivities so be mindful of that while reading!! also i wrote half of this while i had fucking food poisoning and a fever thats how dedicated i am everyone also if there are mistakes that’s why bc fuck proofreading

It seemed that you had been doomed ever since you’d woken up that day.

You had been having one of those days, where everything constantly seemed like too much. It was as if every bit of exhaustion you’d acquired throughout the past few weeks had finally built up enough to overflow, and you were feeling the full effects of it, all while attempting to move forward unbothered.

You didn’t want to talk, you didn’t want to have trekked through fucking woods and abandoned towns, and you didn’t want to put up with Bill and Frank for the weekend. Staying with them was usually viewed as an escape for you, freedom from the QZ and its demanding labor jobs, but the journey it took to get to their house and the engaging enthusiasm with which the couple usually met you and Tess was overwhelming at the very least.

You’d made it through most of the day. You were laying on the bed waiting for Tess to finish getting dressed, the two of you having taken a warm shower together almost immediately after arriving at Bill and Frank’s. It was the only chance the two of you ever got at hot water, water that wasn’t rationed.

“I think Frank’s making some new recipe from a cookbook he found,” Tess said, adjusting the sleeves of her burgundy button-up. “Hope it doesn’t taste like shit, the food here is the best we ever get.”

“If Frank’s cooking, it’ll be fine. It’s Bill we have to worry about,” you smiled.

(A/N: I don’t remember if we ever saw either Bill or Frank cooking sooo we’re just pretending that Bill is a shitty cook bc it’s funny and gay <3 )

“Remember the last time we were here and Bill tried to cook?” Tess asked, grinning. “He almost burned the house down and dropped a knife on Frank’s toes.”

You nodded, immersing yourself in the fondness of the memory. “And then Frank made us grilled cheese in apology.”

Tess sat down on the bed next to where you were laying, taking your hand in her own. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you replied. “Why?”

“You just seem a bit off today.”

You shook your head, sitting up. “I’m just tired. It’s always a long trip here, and after all the shit we’ve been putting up with in the QZ, I just want to relax.”

“We have all weekend,” she assured you, both of you moving off the bed. “Unless Bill has us help him with setting up more of his fucking traps again.”

You smiled softly, leading the two of you out of the guest bedroom, repeating to yourself like a mantra that all you needed to do was make it through dinner.

—

You had wanted to fucking murder him ever since he brought the dish out. It was soup, to your great dismay. The very thought of eating it with three other people had made you want to stab yourself with the dinner spoon as Frank announced the success of his new recipe.

As soon as everyone had ladled soup into their bowls you were thrown into a fresh new depth of hell. The sound clinking of the silverware on the bowls felt like gunshots ricocheting through your brain. Bill kept slurping his soup. Some of it drained into his beard. Frank kept fucking talking while he chewed on bread. The whole thing had you almost in tears, it felt like you were on fire, and somehow everyone else was completely fine, which consistently renewed the obligation you felt to sit through the entire dinner.

Finally you couldn’t take it anymore — any other day you might have been able to make it another ten or fifteen minutes, suffering in silence as every bit of stimuli set your senses aflame, but you had simply had enough. Every bit of masking and terrible sensory stimulation had built up, like a cup overflowing, and any more would have sent you into a spiral.

You stood from the table, muttering something about getting more wine before rushing into the kitchen.

At last you were alone, and though it ceased the constant burning in your mind, it did not soothe the aftermath of it. A slight panic set in that you couldn’t explain, and all you wanted to do was go lay in bed, free from everyone and every sensation. For a while you stood in the kitchen, eyes closed, attempting to regulate your breathing.

The opening of the kitchen door caught your attention, and to your great relief it was Tess joining you — if it had been Bill or Frank, you weren’t sure you would have been able to keep your composure, not if they did one more thing to trigger you.

“You okay?” Tess asked, refilling her glass of wine before standing beside you, leaning against the kitchen counter. She offered you a glass of wine and you realized that she had refilled your empty glass along with her own.

“I’m fine,” you croaked, taking the glass of wine from her and immediately taking a gulp of it.

She raised her eyebrows, taking notice of how much wine you’d just drank, but you didn’t care.

“What happened?” She asked, ignoring your adamance that you were fine.

You sighed, gesturing to the dining room, feeling sick just thinking about it. “They kept making those fucking noises… the chewing, and the slurping. I think they heard those fuckers chewing all the way back at the QZ. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore. And the soup, I don’t know what the fuck Frank put in it, but the texture was atrocious.”

Anyone else would have looked at you like you were insane. Anyone else would have lectured you about how you were being ridiculous, how no one else could hear what to them was so naturally inaudible. But the way Tess looked at you only displayed the love she had for you — she understood, or maybe she didn’t, but to her you were perfect, and as best she could she would make things better for you, would listen to you.

“Come here,” she said suddenly, leaving through the back entrance to the kitchen in order to avoid the dining room. She led you back to the guest room you were staying in, and though you were grateful for the peace you had finally acquired, worry still lingered at the back of your mind, and the hammering in your skull had relinquished to utter exhaustion.

“They’re going to notice when we don’t go back down,” you said tiredly.

Tess shrugged. She began to rummage through her backpack, and you slumped down into an armchair by the side of the bed, closing your eyes.

“I was going to save this for when we got back to the QZ,” Tess said, turning to face you, “for a holiday or something, I don’t fucking know. But I think now is a better time.”

You opened your eyes to see her standing in front of you, holding her backpack.

You furrowed your eyebrows, a bit confused. You were about to ask her what she was talking about when she pulled from her backpack a record — it looked perfectly new, untouched.

As you took it in your hands, you paused. She had given you an album by your favorite band, a band you were obsessed with. It was the only album of theirs that you hadn’t collected in the last 20 years. Tess had completed your collection.

“Holy shit,” you breathed, your gaze shifting from the album to her. “Tess, how did you…”

“Frank and I made a trade.”

“What did you trade him for it?”

She shook her head, moving to turn on the old record player on the other side of the bed. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Tess, it does matter.”

“Just enjoy it,” she said firmly, and you joined her by the record player, setting up the player with the record.

After a moment the first song on the track began to play. It was a bit faded, a bit scratchy, but you didn’t care. It was perfect, simply because it was there.

Gently Tess took your hand, leading you a few feet away to the open space of the bedroom. The two of you began to sway to the music, relishing in the peace that came from the comfort of the music in accompaniment with silence. You still felt burnt out sensory-wise, and you would for a little while, but being alone with the woman you loved while listening to a band you adored took so much of the last few weeks’ burdens off your shoulders.

“Do you want me to adjust anything?” Tess asked after a few minutes. “Lights, music volume, anything? I know you’re overstimulated and I don’t want to make it worse.”

You shook your head, smiling softly. “I’m okay.”

And you were, so completely content with simply being there with her. She was everything, an embodiment of peace though so threatening to everyone but you.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, resting your head on her shoulder as the two of you continued to sway to the music.

“The next time Frank offers to make soup for dinner, I’m going to bash his head in.”

#tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #tlou #tess tlou #tess the last of us

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starsscarmyceiling · 2 years ago

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Hello! I notice that you are a voracious Merrical shipper! This is a thing we share in common. I'm looking to write a few Merrin/Cal drabbles or shorts. I like to think I'm pretty alright at that part, but not so alright at coming up with initial ideas. Would you care to drop me some prompts you might have rattling around in your brain? I consider my strengths to be romance, fluff, hurt/comfort emotional type stuff. Space Chicken Soup for the Soul or something. Anything that allows me to say something about them as a romantic couple. Thanks!

I MEAN…what gave me away?? LOLOL of courseeeeeee I am a voracious shipper of our fav space ginger jedi and space goth best girl!! I am honored you’d reach out to me for such a thing anon. I do feel like I always just have fic ideas banging around in my head like a bunch of loose not approved space trash, so I would be happy to help! Now, did you want canonverse or AU prompts? Well I am here to give you both like the feral Merrical that I am. (also space chicken soup for the soul I cackled)

I hope you love tropes!

Haha some of these are just a few sentences and some of them are whoops Katie got a little carried away and already wrote out half the fic for you in the most unhinged, blathering manner you’ve ever seen so prepare yourself for that (it’s actually a lot of them so…🙃)

Canonverse:

Canon Compliant:

Alright, who doesn’t love a sexy spy intel fic? Yeah, pretty stereotypical plot, buy HEY listen. Okay, typical gathering intel mission at some cantina somewheres (and they are not together in my mind because of course that makes it more fun). Maybe there’s a drink or two…oh hey maybe even some dancing to appear nondescript…and wow hey they are at just the right place to complete the mission but OH—what is this the people they’re spying on are actually coming right for them WHAT SHOULD THEY DO TO DISTRACT—um come on is this even a question?? I personally think it would be more unexpected and satisfying if Cal were to be the one to initiate it.

Because of course he’s wanted to do this, kiss her like this, feel her like this. He’s kind of surprised he’s held out this long, and he’s nervous, feeling like he’s made a mistake because she’s not responsive, so he’s already formulating his extreme apology once they are in the clear—

He feels her fingertips slowly touch at the skin on his neck as her lips respond to his. The way in which it escalates caused Cal to forget what its intended purpose was because his brain blanked out as her body pressed to his, arms snaking around his neck now as it only seemed natural to wrap his around her… you know, something like that

UM, SPARRING??? Xcuse is there anything better?? A Jedi and a Nightsister can you imagine? It starts off innocent enough, but then hey Bogano is hot—perhaps Cal takes off his shirt, they get competitive trying to one up each other, Merrin takes off her shirt idk and of course there’s gots to be banter banter banter sethy sethy banter sethy, we’re all watching like YO these two want to SMOOSH their FACES TOGETHER RIGHT??? They have a moment, an impasse if you will, where they are very close or are actually just pressed up against one another, or hey maybe even one falls on top of the other—I’m not picky.

They realize they’ve gotten too carried away or crossed a line 🥵—blush blush or lingering lewks—but then they get a hold of themselves. Because hey, that’s a normal thing to do, right? Just have this sexually charged sparring session and brush up against your bud in the process?? I mean, we’ve all been there…

They’re both embarrassed, trying to scurry away to preserve their dignity…Merrin walks away first and then Cal like grunts with his hands in the air like wtfff why didn’t I kiss her??

~Later~ Cal’s beating himself up in his cot, tossing and turning on just how much Merrin means to him because it was weird and awkward for them at dinner and was he really imagining everything that’d built between them?

Cal just can’t let this go and gets up to confront her about it, and he gets up to find her in the hallway walking towards his room, and—he sees her face and automatically deflates because there’s conflict on her face. They again awkwardly kind of be like saying at the same time I’m sorry about that oof whoops I didn’t mean that unless maybe—okay well GNIGHT—

Cal goes back to bed, sits on his bed and sighs, knowing he biffed it again—almost starts spiraling disassociating, and then shakes his head like man wtf am I doing go to her—so he gets up again—he goes up to her door, hyping himself up, but then like two seconds later, Merrin opens it, and they are shocked, they stare, Cal goes in for it—pulls away—they stare—they both go in for it and hehe idk wtf do you think happens after that???????????//

Um, I am envisioning a dynamic where like, there has been some flirtsing between them, but nothing that has really committed to the bit, you know? And then they go on either a mission or go like to a marketplace (somewhere public) wherein one notices how much the other is getting checked out, and they are like ooof wow everyone in this Cantina is seeing how hot they are how could I even have a shot??? Well let me tell YOU babes…you do. you have a shot. You have the most shots. Just…shoot your shot. I feel like there should def be some unintentional swagger going on and the other is like wow why are they being so hot rn…THAT is rude.

They get home…there’s an awkward feeling where they don’t know how to act around them…and the other is like um tf is up with you??? And it’s like they forgot how to be a person around them…what?? What is hUmAN iNteRaCtIon???? Would you I—how do I—*wheezes* Okay the more I write this out the more fun I think it would be for Merrin to be getting all flustered about this (esp because she is usually the one that is seen to be more composed). It’s up to you but come on there is much room for Cal busting out that charm he doesn’t even realize he has and Merrin is just 🥵 swoon. Also him taking off his shirt for no reason or looking hawt while doing Jedi shit. Then she just snaps. We love to see it. Just think about it. I know you are. Please write this shit for us I beg of you.

I also like the thought of Cal looking for something in the mantis, and he accidentally picks up one of Merrin’s things without thinking about it and sees an echo from her. It actually isn’t sad. It’s a happy one, which for some reason seems to only make it worse. He doesn’t exactly know how to address it with her and starts to feel awkward around her. Sometimes he really resents the fact that people’s private moments are just projected into his head. They are tasked to do something together on another planet, where she eventually confronts him on why he is acting weird. He tries to play it off with some lame excuse and she sees right through him and stalks off.

He sighs, setting out to find her, where she is at like an outside café or hell somewhere super secluded. Cal sits down with her without a word. They are silent for a bit, but then he tells her of a happy memory that he has of him and Jaro and their battalion, or maybe something from the temple.

She is happy he’s shared something intimate with her, but then she questions where this is coming from. Then he is pulling something out of his poncho, dropping it into her lap. There are profuse apologies coming from him and tells her what he saw. It was a complete accident. Upon seeing the object, she tells Cal it’s fine she knew he didn’t do it on purpose, but there still seems to be something bothering her.

Cal says how sometimes it’s easy to forget there were better times before this, and thinking about those memories now almost makes them feel tainted.

Merrin tells him that she thought she’d never have another happy memory again. But then she tells him of the first good one she made with him. He smiles, feeling bashful. Merrin says knowing that I still can be happy makes me feel like my past wasn’t for nothing. And I have you to thank for that. They decide they should be getting back and stand…one of them starts to hesitate, and the other notices, asking what is wrong…but then the former approaches them and perhaps they kith I mean of course they kith this is a fanfic after all I mean what else are we doing here.

Who doesn’t love a mission where Cal has taken too long (with Saw or the partisans or whatever), and Merrin is really starting to worry that something bad has happened to him. She can’t feel him through the force and she has devolved into a nervous wreck (up to you what the state of their relationship is at this point). Cere and Greez do their best to try and distract or comfort her. she feels her heart rip apart in her chest because she just cannot go through this again—she’s already lost her sisters and almost lost him too. Him being gone and uncertain of his fate is making her face how she truly feels about him, which makes it only worse.

She is trying to distract herself with practicing her magicks, menial tasks, meditation, sparring techniques that Cal has taught her—which just makes her think of him just like everything eventually does.

And just when she thought she truly was going to lose her mind, resorting to shutting out these feelings she’s only just realized, she feels him, something that is only a flicker compared to how bright he normally feels—and she’s running, she can teleport, but she just wants to chase this feeling of where he is—because if she doesn’t she is just simply going to lose her mind—

There he is, at the top of the ramp, and there is this moment where they meet eyes (and wow our boy could certainly be injured, which could explain why she didn’t feel him before), and they are running towards each other—and wow what a beautiful reunion of DON’T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN and such things. Could have a debriefing session looking over the sunset of Bogano where ✨feelings✨ are discussed. If they aren’t together certainly someone shoving their face into the other for the first time, or if they already are def have the L word thrown around…also there has to be a ‘coming back to you was like coming home’ moment because yes. Should be full of fun timez.

Canon Divergent:

I love love looooove the idea of Merrin has been able to get off Dathomir and becomes a bounty hunter (and Ventress is alive and thriving and living her best life OF COURSE), and perhaps they sometimes work together (it is my own personal HC that these two are aunt and niece together but I digress). And guess who are the most wanted beezies in the galaxy??? JEDI. And there’s a redheaded Jedi going around causing a lot of trouble.

Merrin is on a planet and happens to find him in a Cantina. He fits the description with his build and his hair, despite the hood he is trying to conceal himself with. Perhaps most people would miss him, but not this Nightsister. She follows him to somewhere secluded, and he of course senses her and is like um why are you following me…you know the answer to that, she says. He knows he’s discovered and so don’t we have a FUN Jedi Nightsister brawl. Both catches one another off guard with their abilities…but of course we know who has to get the upper hand if this fic is going to progress.

Cal is captured…there are some fun moments in captivity where Cal is like please don’t do this…do you really want to give the Empire what they want, and she is just like fuming Jedi are liars and selfish thieves bit. Could go a few different directions from here. I like the thought of another group ambushing them, and Cal offers to help and she is like no you are my prisoner and he is like girl would you rather die? So she reluctantly says FINE Jedi—he ends up accidentally touching something of hers in the midst and feels an echo that you know, reveals some sad shit and she is like WTF ARE YOU DOING WE NEED TO GET A MOVE ON IT BUDDY—

They end up having to crash land anyway—perhaps onto an uninhibited planet or one with a small population…Cal saves Merrin, and when she wakes up and realizes what he has done and she is almost resentful. Why would he do such a thing. She takes her anger out on him. And he just takes it all. And it makes her even more angry that he isn’t even reacting to it like he was before.

Eventually when she is done, he tells her that the Jedi weren’t the monsters she was told they were. Perhaps he even busts out the object he touched before and tosses it to her. He apologizes and explains what happened on the ship before he stands, explaining everything that needs to be fixed on the ship.

He’s walking away, but he pauses, idk if you want to bust out the ‘I know what it’s like to lose everything’ line here but I don’t think it would be a bad place. Or at least something to that degree. And you know what progresses after that…(psst, it’s their relationship) Holy shit the more I’ve gotten into this the more I need it please someone write this I may die without it!

(OR—another direction you can go with it is that they are both captured by WHOMSTever and they have to work together to escape…I mean who could truly stop a Jedi and a Nighsister reluctantly working together? I truly pity the fool)

Clone Wars AU where Cal and Jaro are assigned to try and recruit the Nightsisters to try and get the upper hand in the war with Dooku (lol I wouldn’t say exactly a Dark Disciple route but that’s up to you). Merrin is voluntold (the opposite of volunteered) by Mother Talzin to try and become allies with the Jedi (they could have their own shady Nightsister ulterior motive going on as well), and Merrin reluctantly goes with the Jedi. And oooooooOoOooo wow the shenanigans that can ensue from that. (Merrin also has to try really hard not to lose her shit over leaving Dathomir for the first time in her life). I’d imagine a lot of frustrations from both parties. The clones mercilessly make fun of Cal and his Nightsister gf (but they also have to tell him what’s up). He thinks she’s unreasonably obtuse and rude, and she thinks he’s frustratingly smug/arrogant. Merrin could prove to be a definite asset in battle. Cal probably thinks it’s hawt 😳 OH NO SHE’S HOT SEE LOOK HOW WE GOT HERE WE LIKE TO HAVE FUN HERE.

Now suddenly she’s mysterious and complex, and he’s frustrated that he wants to know more. He’s actually the sweetest person she’s ever seen and she’s angry about it. She constantly has to check in with her sisters and it’s getting harder and harder to go behind his back or deny that she maybe might not hate him anymore she maybe even may want to smooch him WOAH who knows. They bond over feeling used in this war. Come on. You got it from here right?

AUs:

Modern:

Idk why this has been in my head but like—(I imagine them as good friends with insane chemistry, well, they always have insane chemistry but you know what I mean), and they are at a party, probably drinking involved, because that could give you some like beer pong shenanigans if you so choose. They have a good fun time, maybe there’s a moment where either one of them (depending on who’s POV you are using) thinks it’s gonna happen. Merrin smiles in just the right way, or Cal says something dorky and adorable like he does, and I mean…they’re in a fanfic, so of course they get INTERRUPTED—

They may either be too tried or too drunk to leave, and they end up both on the couch, and hey at the time it seemed like a perfectly normal thing for them to just fall asleep like that. Cal probably still tries to respect Merrin’s boundaries and though her face is like literal centimeters from his, he tries his best to give her space and awkwardly contorts his body so he is still not touching her. But Merrin still rests her head on his arm anyway, and both of them feel that warmth and rush throughout their bodies because maybe perhaps also Cal tucks her Merrin’s hair behind her ear just before they fall asleep—

AND IN THE MORNING, they’re closer now, both of them in that haze of awakening, their lips are ever so barely touching, BUT THEN—they spring apart. Their eyes are wild on each other and within this space, seconds tick by as the gravity of that sinks in before they give each other one last heated look and then they are just macking on each other let’s GOOOOOOOO

My goodest frond @arosesee (who thought of this and the next three ideas) actually just came up with this one, and I LOVE it. A direct quote from her, “Mom Merrin subbing for Dad Kestis at a PTA meeting I would DIE,” and I mean basically. And I am not even someone who normally goes for fics with kids, but omg I would go feral for this one. Can you imagine? Cal is friends with all the moms and they are just smitten with him, and they are always like so when do we get to meet your wife?

And he’s like lol y’all ain’t ready for that smoke…but then hey Cal gets sick or something and so his goth wife has to step in and demand why they aren’t disciplining her children more I mean do they know who their father is??? And the moms just had no idea what Merrin was about, so they are just a bit surprised. UGH, I would be obsessed. Obsessed.

A stranded island survivor metrical fic could be fun. AHHHHH omg can you imagine all the arguing and the bickering and the 👀 —back to bickering again

“Oooooorrr a one-shot meet cute tourist trap with Merrin working the cash register and Cal the campy decked out tourist tripping over himself cause he doesn't want to be inconsiderate but ohmygod she's so pretty

He like TOTALLY drops his wallet (probably drops it twice)”

He’s like there for a thing—like maybe a family thing with Cere and Greez and it just turns into them constantly running into each other (um should the wallet dropping bit be throughout uh yeah I think so and at the end SHE picks it up akakakakakkakk), and finally she eyes him, sighing, and invites him to the hotel bar or a local spot, basically just yanking him along and Cal is just like okAYYYY 😍

“Ooooh one more idea, both of them are college RAs for the same dorm building, and it's super awkward but FINE during the meeting but then they have to plan weekly socials for the baby freshmen TOGRTHRr and like it's fine like so totally fine”....Narrator: it was not fine

This one was suggested by my boo @galacticsirensong: “Listen I want a carnival AU now with Cal going on the ferris wheel alone cuz his date stood him up. He bought allllll these tickets and doesn’t wanna waste them. So he decides to hop on the ride but the carnie operator is like yelling into the crowd STEP RIGHT UP! STEP RIGHT UP! ANYONE WANNA GO FOR A RIDE WITH THIS GINGER? WE GOT A LONELY GINGER, LADIES!! ANY TAKERS??

Merrin is like at her aunt’s palm reading tent nearby (see this is where I continue to push forward that Asajj is Merrin’s aunt agenda leave me alone). She overhears the ruckus and notices Cal is completely mortified. So she just squeezes through the narrow gaps of people, goes up the steps, takes a ticket from Cal and hands it to the operator without a word.”

Cal barely has time to register her before she sits down and starts moving, and he like clears throat um--

Merrin’s just like I hate this ride operator he’s always trying to embarrass people like that so I am doing this out of spite

Then they kind of notice one another may be cute and well Cal’s stumbling over his words like he do, and Merrin pretends not to be flustered by it because she is into that shit, and once the ride is over....Merrin’s just like well let’s spend the rest of these tickets

Because you know, out of spite for Cal being stood up

AND THAT’S IT

Harry Potter:

Either them being students or teachers. But Cal is a NERD happy go lucky Hufflepuff and Merrin is a typical broody Slytherin. Perhaps they have to work together either on curriculum or a class project, and neither are really that happy about it. I could see Cal trying to be overly positive about the situation just to be able to get through this because she is such an edgelord, and Merrin could take it as him being insincere or fake. (IF they are students, you can play around with Merrin rolling her eyes at Cal being a teacher’s pet, but then at the same time she is a total know it all LOL).

(ALSO could Cal still have his psychometry powers I know this an AU but come on it’s a crossover we do what we want who is to say an Earth wizard can’t do such a thing)

They could come from tragic pasts that they are very reluctant to share…but somehow they manage to start…getting along? Lol I love the thought of them rolling their eyes at the other houses like omfg Ravenclaws are such know it alls or the Gryffindors are such bruts. Maybe there’s Quidditch involved…only adding to the rivalry. But that is for YOU to decide, isn’t it???

Old West:

Sorry I am on some Red Dead Redemption shit but I simply cannot help myself but to shove all of my favorite things together alright. (@namesonboats I am looking at chuuu 🤠) Cal is apart of some kind of roaming squad (IF you chose a band of outlaws I wouldn’t be opposed), and they are in this one town for a bit. He starts to go to a general store where a Russian aunt and niece run it, and a lot of people just assume Merrin doesn’t even speak any English and dismiss her a lot of the time. But maybe he’s seen her at one of the saloons or tending to one of her horses and thinks that there’s more to her than what she is presenting to the world (and lol she is prettyyyy 😍)

He goes into the store with Greez one day, and he ends up asking Merrin something, and Greez is like lol why do you bother she isn’t going to answer you. Cal is like pssssh this girl is trolling all of you I just know it. Merrin looks at him like he’s grown a second head, and then Asajj comes out and starts to put on the charm and Merrin just yeets right out of there.

Perhaps Cal was wrong. Maybe she didn’t understand him, but that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t want to get to know her. So he just continues to go to the store anyway and keeps talking to her all the time (We all know the boy can ramble let’s go). Maybe he even runs into her at other parts of town, or even on the outskirts where she’s taken her horse out, and he happens upon her while he’s on his. She does some target practice with a pistol and he’s impressed. He wished he at least knew her name.

There’s a Russian woman in their group, and Cal asks her about a few Russian phrases, to which she complies, but then asks why. Cal is all SUPER red and is just like LOL NO REASON K THX BYEEEE!

Cal goes into the shop, tries out a phrase or two, attempts a hello and asks her how she is doing. He feels like he is making a fool of himself, but then he swears out of the corner of his eye he sees her smirk. He asks her name in Russian, and she sighs…so Cal assumes he’s asked her wrong he clearly couldn’t remember it right and looks at the ground. “Merrin,” she says. His heart races. Asajj comes out and interrupts them OF COURSE.

The gang wants to move on soon, but Cal isn’t ready to let go. It seems silly because practically every interaction they’ve had have been one sided conversations, but he still goes to the store nonetheless and tells her they are going to be leaving. She looks at him poignantly, and he still just doesn’t know if she’s pretending or really doesn’t understand. He dips his cowboy hat to her and tells her it was nice meetin’ ya milady dasvidaniya.

Merrin shouldn’t be disappointed in the American man who came into her shop all the time to annoy her, really it doesn’t matter. How could it? He was really just a nuisance more than anything else, that Calvin ‘Cal’ Kestis.

But, he was truly the only person that she could recall in what feels like a lifetime that looked her in her eyes, talked to her like a person, even if it was at annoying constancy. And GD he even learned some Russian just for her...but she tries to just forget about that handsome, redheaded cowboy all the same.

Merrin is tasked to travel to a few towns over to pick up a delivery for the store, and after the long journey wherein she is going to have to spend the night anyway, so she decides to go to one of the saloons. She rolls her eyes as she sips at her whiskey because more than one man has approached her and thought she was a hooker.

A brawl breaks out and she rolls her eyes harder. Stupid men. All of them were just children.

But then this man comes in the middle of it and tries to break it up. His voice sounds familiar, but she thinks he’s hearing things. She tries to tune it out, but notices he gets punched anyway, and his hat flies off. Yeah, no there was no denying that red hair. She wants to leave, but she can’t; she’s stuck on her stool. Once the fight finally ceases, Cal is with that small man he came into the store with sometimes as he retrieves his hat. He talks with the short man, and she thinks he’s going to leave, and he is just going to be lost to her again, but then he seems to stay for another drink, probably wanting to nurse that black eye he’s no doubt going to get.

He sits at one of the stools and downs a drink. Oh lordt should she go up to him now? After everything she’s lost, it seemed ridiculous to do such a thing, but she finds her feet moving of her own volition. Oh GOD what is she even going to say.

“That is quite the punch you took,” she says, sitting down next to him, “I probably have something in my supplies that could help with that.”

Cal whips his head to her and quickly voices her name, which she was certain he was going to forget. And he seemed most certainly shocked that yes she does indeed know English and has this whole time.

There’s smiles all around as he offers to buy her a drink and she accepts. But she also has to make fun of how terrible his Russian was.

Lol was that enough of the plot for you. AND I MEAN GD I’VE DONE IT AGAIN—

Treasure Hunters:

SHUT UP NO I AM NOT JUST THINKING OF ALL MY FAV VIDEO GAMES THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH UNCHARTED GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD. Cal and Greez are a typical team that also work a lot with Cere.

For this new job, they have to go to Russia for like whatever treasure is there, and Cere has recruited a new member, a surly woman named Merrin that was apparently an expert in Russian history and treasure and all of that (maybe even chemistry or something too because our girl is SMORT). But she is mean and yeah maybe he thinks it’s a little hot but that is besides the point. Why is she even here him and Greez have always gotten along just fine. Do they have to steal something from a Russian big wig crime boss, yeah most probably. Merrin looks WAY too sethy 🥵 in her dress as she tries to distract the men Cal needs to get around…they get caught of course and wooo, calamity ensues.

They get to the location, and whenever they have to make camp, she is always off by herself, even when Cere invites her to sit with them.

Come on this is also a PERFECT opportunity for Cal to show off some parkour skills. And Merrin doesn’t notice them. No, she doesn’t notice them at all she is adamantly not looking—dammit, she looked.

They get deeper and deeper into this job. Cal opens up about how he was an orphan and Greez took him in when they are checking out one of the rooms in this abandoned site. He doesn’t really know why he’s telling her this, but he’s just caught her sad face too many times for him to not think about what was going on in her head. But she’s made it clear she’s only here for the job and doesn’t really care about any of them, so this whole venture was useless anyway.

They still bicker, oH LORDT do they fight about everything. Cere and Greez just assume they are going to bone if they haven’t already. Cal gets all defensive when Greez asks about it like NO…where did you even GET that from omG.

They find the underground area they’ve been trying to get to…and of COURSE the gang gets separated. Cal and Merrin end up in a room they can’t find their way out of. They are STUCK. WtF Cal is stuck with this grump and Merrin is stuck with this way too enthused arrogant asshole—

They try all their options and argue the whole time. They don’t know how long they’ve been stuck in here, but Cal still insists she has the last of the water. And she insists he has the last protein bar. Maybe there was only one bed roll you never know....

Merrin doesn’t know why, but she opens up to him about how she got into all of this. Her mother, that is how her parents met in this deathtrap of an industry, was always fascinated in this treasure in particular. In some sort of stupid way, she thought she was honoring her…it sounds stupid now.

It doesn’t sound stupid, Cal declares.

And look at that they have to WoRk ToGEtHeR to get out and there haaas to be close proximity and touching for that to happen. Come on now I know you have it in you. SOOOOO, yeah that was that one.

Was that enough?? I am so freaking sorry that I pretty much wrote out like almost all the plot to like…most of these. I would start with an idea and before I knew it—I was several paragraphs deep and what is my life. No excuses…I have no way to defend myself…don’t look at me

ANYONE out there, please, if any of these ideas inspire you, take them and roll with it! You in no way are obligated to follow my outlines directly. Take it, make it your own, or follow my plot, IDC, as long as we are getting some more Merrical content out there! Hell, you could even do a combination, a continuation, whatever you want! I was having a pretty shitty week, so this was honestly a fun distraction for me to put together. I can’t believe I went this insane...but actually no I am not.

And if anyone has any more ideas, don’t be shy! Comment on this post, DM me, or write into my ask box. I would love to get your thoughts out there for all of us to see! I am like so thrilled about the amount of Merricals coming out from the woodwork. YESSS, these space nerds just belong together no matter the universe! So I really hope this helped you anon! Would love to add to this list with all y’alls ideas!

Also, if any of you wanted to bounce these ideas or any other ideas you had, also please don’t hesitate to reach out! I am always here to have a fic sesh, believe you me.

Alright, well.. I’ve rambled long enough for the next 500 years, I’ll just…see myself out.

And I am just going to tag some of my Merrical peeps (and ones I know that are around even if we haven't talked before) if you guys are at all interested in writing or contributing! 🥰

@namesonboats @believe-in-alderaan @misfitz-7 @myfaenwy @starryjediknight @dolcid @wayfaringjedi @separatist-apologist @mistressorinoco

#ooooof wow #i perhaps might have ran a little wild with this one folks #or maybe a lot #but like??? hopefully some of these may inspire you????#i certainly hope so #i think i put out a nice plethora #a smattering if you will #anyway #let's go merricals let's GOOOO!!!#i expect to see a lot more fics in the ao3 tag now #lol jk no pressure but that would be awesome #okay genuinely will stfu now #calmerrin #cal x merrin #merrical #merrical fanfic #fanfic #merrical fic recs #ask

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zacharyja · 8 months ago

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Sunday, May 19, 2024

Travel to Kyoto - Shinkansen

Today began decently early again with a class meeting and then a rendezvous at the hotel lobby to check out and head to Tokyo Station. We had an hour to kill at the station while waiting for the Shinkansen to arrive. The Shinkansen, meaning “New Main Line” began production of the first line in 1959, and cost nearly 200 billion yen. The train can reach maximum speeds of up to 200 miles per hour, and got us from Tokyo to Kyoto in under 2 and a half hours, which would normally take about 7 hours by standard train. For lunch we went to a Katsu place and I ordered Chicken Katsu, decent meal but I prefer to have Katsu with curry, 7/10.

The Bullet Train was extremely cool to see in person, as it looks almost like an airplane on train tracks, the engineering for it must have taken quite some time and brain power. Though what I thought was interesting was that the characteristic long nose shape is not even necessary for aerodynamics, but rather helps to keep the train quiet. It was also unreal hour fast the train was going, you really didn’t feel it too much being inside the cabin but looking out the window and seeing how quick the lamp posts pass by. It was also bonkers when another Bullet Train passed by as it was almost gone in half a second, it was almost incomprehensible how something so massive could move so quickly - hence the bullet part of the name I suppose.

After arriving in Kyoto we had to wait until 3pm for the hotel to be ready to check us in. After time had passed we all made our way to a local Kyoto train and headed to the hotel, called “Stay Sakura”. The rooms here are decently nicer and are western style so my bed is off the ground and I have an actual mattress this time which felt really nice to lay down in for the first time in 2 weeks. We also have 2 large twin beds, a small stovetop, bigger mini fridge, and a microwave in our room this time.

After settling in, I took a brief nap before waking up to my new roommate, Luke asking if I wanted to get food with him, Rich and Noah. We then met up and walked around the area of the hotel looking for something to eat. I was already pretty hungry by this point and would have settled for many restaurants that we passed, but it is hard to decide on something that 4 people will agree on. after about 45 minutes of walking and exploring we landed on a Chinese place called Yoichiteki Tenshinsakaba Hao, which seemed to be pretty popular with the locals. Once inside we ordered boiled Gyoza, which turned out to be some of the best Gyoza that I have ever eaten, soup dumplings, which were also hands down the best soup dumplings that I have ever tasted.

I also ordered Crispy Fried Chicken, and Rich also ordered this same item to split with Luke. They brought out the Chicken and I offered it to them to eat first as I was fine with waiting a few minutes for the second one to come out. Though this would turn out to be a mistake as 30 minutes passed and they never brought another plate out, so I had Noah, who is semi fluent in Japanese ask them if they forgot to put the order in or something and they said yes sorry we actually combined both fried chicken orders on to one plate, it will only 15 more minutes to bring another plate out. This was fine I was cool with waiting for that but kind of weirded out that they would combine 2 separate meals into one plate and say nothing about it. Then another 30 minutes pass and I am now very suspicious of where my food is at so we flag the waiter down again and ask about the food, this time in a more passive aggressive way being like whats going on man its been an hour, and they say that they still have not even put the order in, no apology or anything so we ask them to just forget about it and take it off the bill and we would just leave since we were all annoyed about waiting so long for nothing. I was pretty upset by this as I was very hungry from the start and then had to wait 2 hours before getting any real food (sorry for the rant I was pissed off by the bad service but I am not hangry anymore). We then went to Matsuya so I could get some dinner and I was then eating my Gyudon within 3 minutes of ordering. After this we walked over to an ice cream place and got some dessert. Then we walked back to the hotel and I am now finishing up my blog. I will also throw in this photo of a pretty cool Golden “Mikane-Jinja” shrine, dedicated to luck and monetary blessings.

Academic Reflection

After reading about the Shinkansen Bullet Train, and the local impacts that came along with its development, I was able to view it from a much more educated perspective where I did not only view it as a positive net gain for everyone. The idea that many locals were opposed to its construction in some areas seemed odd, as having a super high speed railway anywhere near you would be a great thing in most peoples opinions, as it seems to only really bring about ease of transportation. Though as mentioned in the reading, the process by which these train rails were built was not without conflict. As it was pretty necessary to have straight tracks and were not really able to have many turns because of the nature of the high speed rails, a good amount of land had to be reclaimed by the government via eminent domain to allow for Shinkansen construction. I can see how this would make many people upset, especially if there was not even a stop in their town, so they would be possibly losing their homes or businesses and it would not even positively impact the city in which they reside unless there was a stop there. Regarding stops, many of the cities that did have them saw a crazy high population growth rate, as many people were moving here for access to the Shinkansen and the many doors to other areas that it opened. Though this also had some negative aspects on the other side of the coin, as people were then leaving smaller town and making them even smaller in order to live in Tokyo, or other big cities because they could now have access to the big city, and still be able to visit their parents or grandparents in small cities which would generally lack many good job opportunities.

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alexandersimpleton · 1 year ago

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25-your thought about my fanfic RaS - returning back to make amends. I see you give me kudo but you never gives any reaction over it. Just be honest, I am accepting whatever you thought about that fanfic series. I write it for self-indulgent of many fanfic tropes that I love to becomes one, in order to improving Frederick whole fanon perspective in my way. Many Frederick simpers are saying that's so good, so for you as Frederick stan - I wonder your honest opinion about it? I do consulting about those idea in the past too but I find you lack enthusiasm unlike my current co-writers

5: Favorite platonic pairing

Whitney and Frederick. The autistic disasters. Being disasters. And autistic. Together. (Also just like, them both thinking they're crazy and weird and just not clicking with others and then finding each other and-)

6: Favorite headcannon

There are so many I like, but if I HAD to choose, I'd say autistic Whitney. Just. The boy. It's practically cannon.

(okay, I thought 6 was favorite pairing for some reason, and this one wasn't actually in the ask but I wrote this whole thing so...)

9 3/4: favorite romantic pairing

I'm still deciding on if I like Frederick/Gwen or Frederick/Jamie better. Frederick and Gwen make me feel all nice, because Frederick relating to Gwen and telling her she's beautiful constantly and pseudo protecting her from bullies, and Gwen being the first nice person in his life and making him soup when when his PTSD starts flaring up again. But on the other hand, with Frederick and Jamie THE DYNAMIC OMG. Like, I don't have eloquent words for this one, but they would just click so well together, plus the themes of Frederick looking like Leland and Jamie looking like Jack boost it up too. Idk, I like both

7: least favorite headcannon

I think I answered this one in the other ask, so I'll give another one I hate. I really hate the idea of "oh, Blaine secretly cares, so Frederick should just forgive him". Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I hate Blaine caring. I like that headcannon (even if I still believe Blaibe took it as an offense to the plaid kingdom and Lambcat is going to punch you suckets in the gut I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL) I'm just saying that it doesn't make him entitled to Frederick's forgiveness. It doesn't matter if he secretly cared the whole time, it doesn't matter if he apologized, it doesn't matter if Frederick was forgiven by the CPC, Blaine is NOT entitled to Frederick's forgiveness. Blaine e manipulated him and abused him for years, and Frederick doesn't need to forgive him. Sorry that was a bit of a rant lol

25: it's in the ask

I'm sorry for not like, reading your fic all that much. My brain just refuses to get hooked on it. Like, I doubt the spoilers on discord helped, but I don't think that's the real reason. It is a really cool concept though. From what I got from the discord, the characterization seems really good. I left kudos because I really liked the concept, and by all means it's really good. It's just not clicking with me for some reason. My best guess is the grammer/word choice/whatever. For some reason my immersion just breaks whenever I see grammer mistakes (or just words in an order I don't get in general) so I think that might be what's keeping me from diving in. Idk. Sorry.

#cursed princess club #asks #fanfic asks

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jess-themess05 · 2 years ago

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Favorite fics?

oh geez. i’m gonna try keep it sweet and simple less i go on and make it unbearable to read. also these summaries are gonna be terrible but i think all of these are gonna be fnaf sun and moon fics i’m SORRY ITS IN MY HEAD BUT ANYWAYS- SHORT N SWEET LES GO

A Dose of Sunshine and Starlight - @give-me-your-monsters a slow burn w/ lots of angst and bittersweet-ness aww but you are all mentally ill.

Bug Love - @theohnocorral the boys are now bug-ified gods and take a liking to a mortal who probably apologies to inanimate objects

Universal Jesters - @lovelymoonmagic you accidentally become the handler to pair of bots with memory loss and mystery trauma

it was, in reality, not fine - @bones-of-a-rabbit you, the reader, have the self preservation skills as a bowl of soup. also oblivious to love hehe

Late Night to Early Morning - Loyal_Backstabber reader meets neglected robot clowns and vows to risk their life for them

Solar Lunacy - @bamsara its- ITS SOLAR LUNACY. anyways you meet certified murder robots and say i can fix em, they’re gonna fix u too.

copper cogs rusted through - @paper-lilypie “oh what’s this, one of these jesters tried killing me? eh it’s fine” then you fall in love

Rotating Shifts - LightningTriceratops protag mistakes sun for unconscious, jaundice ridden man and realizes he’s a robot with a not dead brother and separation anxiety

basically ANYTHINGGG by @naffeclipse , but the first story i ever read from them was In Deep Dreams Between the Waves very different fro, eclipse in sleuth jesters cause he’s actually decent. (also poor vanessa girl don’t get a break)

Clowning Around - EngageSage you overcome your anxiety to protect a poor jester, and are fueled by spite to fuck up moon man for being a certified bitch

Celestial hearts in a purple mind - @kabra-malvada *finds ominous object* *touches it* *is shocked to find they are possessed*

Twin Animatronics With Too Much Time on Their Hands - @twinanimatronics & @dana-chan-the-control-brain you fall in love and fight the temptation to resurrect a dead dude and kill him again

The Night Shift - @certified-handler oopsie you now work with a needy jester who sweeps you off your feet, even more oopsie he turns into a psychopath when the lights go out and triple oopsie you fall in love with HIM too

Star Crossed Souls - @faz-friendly-light-up-shoes reader said “god give me a sign i’ll find love.” gets the sign, and ignores it

404: Personal Space Not Found - CrazedAuthor anxiety filled individual thinks they will be fixed by a child supervisor, gets surprised by his stab happy twin

Celestial Syzygy - @echoingkarma you’re like the jack of all trades, including befriending animatronics who may or may not hate you (and want to maim you) you are probably underpaid.

My Neighbor Mr. Roboto - @kagedbird oh what’s this? you think moving into your new apartment will be simple and boring? WRONG there’s a robot in your closet. and everywhere- why are there so many-

Apology Flowers and Blooming Hours - @daunsun you’d think sentient flowers would have no angsty backstory huh? well actually...

Our Orbit is Elliptical - @sycopomp like your intrusive thoughts came to life, and you choose to ignore them

Lost and Found - SmolShampoo technology is so cool right guys? you got ai, and that ai can get traumatized! how cool??

Stare at the Abyss; It Might Look Back - @characcoon reader becomes a human punching bag and finds new rusty robot roommates. once they escape a deteriorating child’s play place they walked into

Ventura Highway - @madamemiz says “hey is anyone gonna take this robot?” and doesn’t wait for an answer.

Repaired Unstable - @blonde-fraumell you decide to work alongside your childhood friend! oh how non threatening he was- hey why’s this man TEN FEET TALL. and why’s this other man so kickable.

also, obligatory mer may fics! even though it’s no longer may these are still being updated :D

Luminescent Charm - @finfiprince reader finds the fishy dudes they saved as a kid in a cage, continues to spite god until they can save them

Celestial Omens (that really like Fishsticks) - @bamsara (again yes) you save two scared bastard fish and feed them in your bathroom, a decade later they see u and go “well they gave us fishsticks no drowning for them”

The Sea Jesters are Real Science - MatosaurusRex & sixty_nine13 your idol hires you to take care of real life mer! wow! unfortunately being their therapist wasn’t in the contract

Pisces Caelestis - S_V i’m a little scared of reader. they got attacked by a mer and passed out for 3 days and said “yeah lmao i’ll be fine” nO YOU WONT-

#oh this was #this was not short #BUT HEY IT COULD BE LONGER #there’s definitely more to add but if people are actually interested in hearing my recs i’d be happy to oblige!#fnaf security breach #fnaf #fnaf au #also these are in no order! just what came to mind :)#fnaf fanfic

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lilysniche · 2 years ago

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Alright nerds I'm back with more ROTTMNT content and this time we're talking about turtles being left alone

Spoilers ahead for seasons 1 & 2 and the movie

On yet another Monday evening I was thinking about the season 1 episode 'Man vs. Sewer' (which they really should have been called Turtle vs. Sewer c'mon now) and Raph's reaction to being left alone.

So naturally my mind wandered down the path of how the other three turtles would react to being left all alone. So I am here to present my headcanony thoughts similar to my other post about the turtles rankings of fav brother which I'll link here.

This post is going to be very long. I apologize now.

Now in the episode 'Man vs. Sewer' (btw I understand this is supposed to be a play on how every story is one of four or something story types, e.g. Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature etc.) I'm rambling again!

In 'Man vs. Sewer' the other turtles make it seem like Raph is the only one who has a reaction to being left alone, and while I'm sure Raph is the only one with such a... dramatic reaction we'll say. I feel that the other three would likely still have a reaction to being left alone given the fact that all four of these turtles have been raised in an EXTREMTLY close knit family. I mean prior to meeting April their only friends were each other and were likely the only other living beings they saw. After all in the episode 'Hot Soup: The Game' it's said that Raph was 13 when he got to go on his first solo topside mission. Now while it is possible the boys went topside prior to this as a group it wouldn't surprise me if this was the first time any of them were allowed to leave the sewers given their likely overall lack of um... stealth at such a young age since they barely have stealth as teenagers lol.

I'm getting off track though! My point is that because this family is practically always together I find it hard to believe that if any of them were left alone they'd be perfectly fine and so I will now present my headcanons/ hypothesis' about each turtles reaction to being alone.

Now Raph has already been cannonically shown in his reaction to being alone. He goes savage caveman brain, thinks everything is a threat and believes he'll die alone.

Next up we'll look at:

Leo

Now I know you could point to the movie for examples of Leo being alone but that is such an extreme situation in comparison to Raph getting lost in a sewer for like an hour or so that I don't feel the movie is a great comparison for "being left alone" so for this post when I'm talking about "being alone" I don't mean the others are dead, or kidnapped or anything really angsty. Think more lost in the sewers, or some of the family went to visit Todd for the weekend and one stayed at the lair alone and realized that was a mistake because separation anxiety and codependency lmao.

Now Leo is arguably also left alone in the episode 'Portal Jacked' (portal jacked is such a good episode for Leo character analysis I'm telling you) Now I know what you're thinking "Lily he literally is with Senor Hueso practically the entire episode" and you're right. Leo is technically only alone for maybe ten seconds between him exiting his portal outside Run of the Mill Pizza and entering the restaurant to find Senor Hueso but he's left without any of his family with him almost the entire episode and it leads to a lot of discussion about them and him being without them so I feel it will help support my argument.

Anyway!

In 'Portal Jacked' Leo whilst still being himself starts to show some of his insecurity in the episode. He admits to "being nothing" without his brothers and continuously brings up how he's better with his brothers. I feel based on these comments and this episode as a whole that if Leo were left alone for likely a longer period of time than Raph (let's say a day or two at the minimum for an effect to really set in) he'd likely let his insecurities get the best of him. As without his brothers as an audience to entertain, taunt, and distract himself from his own insecurities he's left with only himself to be his hype man and back up.

If you don't agree that Leo has insecurities I'll point you in the direction of the episode 'Minotaur Maze' and Leo's reoccurring need to prove himself to others and have them see him as important.

This insecurity is also what plays into Leo's behavior as leader in the film as he clearly doesn't view himself as worthy/ready for the title of "leader" at the start of the film.

Using these points I feel that without his brothers to back him up and perhaps cover for areas Leo lacks in he'd quickly spiral and become very unsure of himself and his actions. As Leo (prior to the movie especially) comes across as someone who does not want to take credit for something until it has already happened and succeeded. (e.g the episode 'One Man's Junk' where Leo literally waits to pick a side on the mystic meatal shop idea until after it fails and sides with Raph) Leo needs to be able to shift blame and "hide in the crowd" if you will in order to not feel like he's failing during a mission (which most the time he's actually succeeding just maybe not how he envisions himself doing so). So if he were to be left all alone with only himself to blame if a mistake was made I feel he'd become very unsure of himself and perhaps rather nervous his portals perhaps become more unreliable than normal (if we are setting this post season 2 finale then it would probably more like him earlier in the show where his portals don't always work. If we're pre-season 2 finale where his portals barely work on a good day then he'd likely cease making useful portals all together lol) and is continuously cracking jokes to whoever is around to listen (even if it's just himself) because to quote Leo: "That's how I cope!"

Final analysis of Leo alone: Very insecure, Nervous, desperately trying to find someone to hang around so he can throw his one liners to try to cope, and anxious to have his brothers back to back up him and his crazy ideas.

Whew! That was a very long research paper I just gave you and that's only the first one!

Again I am so sorry for the length of this post lmao I enjoy doing character analysis too much I'm so sorry.

Moving on to my favorite turtle we have:

Donnie

While it seems that Donnie enjoys being alone I find that because of this close knit family upbringing he'd still be affected by being alone. After all there's a difference between:

alone and lonely and

choosing to be alone and being left alone.

Donnie has plenty of hobbies that prompt him to be alone e.g. he has a video game addiction; or want to be alone e.g. He's the family genius/inventor whose in his lab for extended periods of time to try an accomplish something and anyone disturbing him is an unwelcomed distraction.

An example of this is the episode 'Mind Meld' when Donnie-fied Leo, Raph and Mikey try to get rid of Donnie when he asks them to come eat pizza with him. To quote Donnie "Hey wait! You're trying to get rid of me! That's what I do but... but to you!"

'Mind Meld' is a great episode for Donnie character analysis since there are basically 4 of him in this episode and we get to see how Donnie's character isn't just the smart inventor guy but also a normal teenager who likes to do normal teen things

While Donnie likes being alone and working in his lab, when he wants to see people he wants to see them and not be alone. This is shown in an earlier scene in 'Mind Meld' when Donnie excitedly asks if his brothers are ready for their game of skateboard ball. His Donnie-fied brothers give a very Donnie response and shrug him off saying they have better things to do and Donnie is left really disappointed. Leo, Raph and Mikey are acting like Donnie when he's in "genius tech guy mode" rather than "I'm ready to have fun with my brothers mode" like actual Donnie is in this scene.

Honestly the whole episode is a great example of how Donnie is a well rounded character and how he'd be very different if he only had one facet to his personality. With Leo, Raph, and Mikey all Donnie-fied but seemingly only to possess Donnie's intellect you see that Donnie is more than his brain and has other sides to his personality. That was a side tangent sorry! I really love the writing of this show! Back to my actual point!!

When Donnie wants to work on something people are a nuisance but when he wants to have fun then people better be around or Donnie will be sad.

Now that I have prefaced the circumstances, I will dive into my headcanon/hypothesis about how Donnie would react to being alone.

Now Donnie's reaction is entirely hinged on what mode he is currently in. If he is in work mode it would probably go something like this:

Like I have just stated Donnie is in his lab a lot working on various projects, be it improving his battleshells, working on his drill, working on the Turtletank etc. And based on Donnie's character he seems the type to hyper-focus on his work and not realize how much time has passed *cough* me on any passion project *cough* With this being said I feel that Donnie probably wouldn't notice he's been left alone at first lol. He'd probably hyper-focus for an entire day, forget to eat, maybe remember to go to sleep in a bed or just pass out in his lab, wake up and repeat the process until he finished his project or remembered to take a break. This would likely cause a decline in Donnie's overall well being and is why I think Donnie shouldn't be left unsupervised for extended periods of time lmao. So his family would likely have to be gone at least a week for Donnie to notice if I'm being honest. But that is only if Donnie were in work mode!

If Donnie was left alone in the lair and he was in social mode, I feel that he'd likely be pretty bummed that no one was around to bug him. Between Leo razzing him, Mikey always coming around to cuddle/get affection from each of them and just Raph's overall presence and dumb ideas like trying to shove something up his nose. Donnie would likely feel like he's actually alone. Like entirely alone. There's no hum of energy from his brothers, no slight annoyance just silence and emptiness. And he might relish it for a moment but after a few minutes of uninterrupted silence he'd realize that he can't take it and needs the energy to fill the space again. And knowing Donnie (and depending on how long the fam was gone for) he'd try to substitute it with tech. Causing a new start of work mode that was trying to fix the lack of socializing he craves.

Final analysis of Donnie alone: He doesn't immediately notice that he's alone but once he's made aware of the growing silence and actual solitude with no disruption it starts to get to him and makes him anxious for some social stimulation from others specifically from his family because turtle fam is best fam

Alright! We have made it through two turtle boys and only have one left! you know him you love him! He's the sunshine baby iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt'sssssss:

🅼🅸🅺🅴🆈

Now Mikey is a lil bit more difficult for me to figure out how he'd react to being alone and this is mainly because I find it hard to imagine a normal situation that would cause him to be left alone. If we went with my everyone went away for the weekend idea I said at the start I find it highly unlikely they'd let Mikey of all people stay home alone. Simply because he's the baby and they don't like to leave him without supervision/back up (I mean just look at the episode 'Hot Soup: The Game' they literally watch him on security cameras like new parents watching a baby monitor) Like hell he's being intentionally left to his own devices for a whole weekend.

Which makes me think Mikey being alone would have to be accidental like Raph's in 'Man vs. Sewer' be it he got lost in the sewers, or like a proper younger sibling wandered off without paying attention and lost the group in: the Hidden City, Big Mama's building, the Sewers, New York City itself or whatever setting the boys are currently in.

Mikey likely wouldn't be alone for long since you know Raph will be on a rampage to find his baby brother, unless Mikey got hella lost and Donnie couldn't just track him lol.

So for this hypothetical scenario we'll say Mikey wanders off and Raph notices after several minutes and in classic turtles fashion hijinks ensues. Since this alone time will likely be brief and accidental I imagine Mikey's reaction (since he's played as the very emotional one -in a good way- and also for a little bit of comedic purposes) to be similar to a toddler who get's lost in a store.

Everything's fine before he realizes he's lost then he looks around doesn't recognize where he is or see his brothers he starts to freak out a bit and maybe get a bit teary eyed thinking he's been abandoned when really it's his own fault for getting lost. Y'know just normal baby sibling who's constantly supervised things ✌️

It's a lot of meekly wandering around calling out his brother's names hoping they'll magically appear before him and getting scared by anyone who approaches him, because even though he could definitely kill you since Mikey can throw a whole ass cargo ship around, now that he's scared he can't even lift his weapon high enough to seem like a threat.

This line of reasoning is mainly coming from the episode 'The Gumbus' where when frightened Mikey would rather hide and escape even if he has more than enough skill to defend himself from a normal threat lol.

Final analysis of Mikey alone: He's a frightened baby ready for his big brothers to come charging in to take him home and shower him with affection because while Mikey acts like he's big man on campus he is still bebe

And with that I conclude my long monologue about these turtle boys for another night! I will likely return with another thought soon as Rise has taken up every space square inch of my brain lately lol! Anyways as always these are just my opinions you are free to disagree with me this has just been rattling around in my brain for the past week and I had to share! I love all of these characters and I think Rise did a great job at revitalizing them to a new generation. With that I bid you all farewell! Until next post!

~ Lily's Niche

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lincolnmkicks · 2 years ago

Text

more hero is larks daughter ramblings and predictions under the cut spoilers for s2 of dndads!!!! also this was like. at 1am. so any typos or anything are just bc i was soup brained sorry ;;

people forgetting hero exists drive me crazy. i cannot see a way that norm is actually larks son unless hero was born out of wedlock (bc i think they mention explicitly lark slept with rebecca the night before sparrow married her???? or smth??? let me go back. OKAY WENT BACK AND HOLY SHIT apparently lark just only now told sparrow abt fucking rebecca and larks like “oh i knew but it was too awkward to talk about so i let it slide :)” and lark explicitly states he fucked rebecca while shr was engaged to sparrow) which. idk i feel like. sparrow is so desperate for normality would he really not jsut. marry rebecca the second he realizes shes pregnant with hero?

so to me. i think narratively my prediction. if we go with the hero is larks kid theory. and not scary is larks kid. is that. so hero was an unexpected baby. hero wasnt intentional. maybe she was born on a day that made it plausible she was either of their kid. sparrow, never quite sure and never able to BE sure bc he and lark r twins obv. named hero. well hero incthe most petty move EVER. a constant reminder of what lark Did. not just sleeping with his wife but a reminder of the unsung hero needed to release the doodler. hero is not just a reminder of larks guilt snd mistakes. shes a reminder of *henry*. and maybe that inadvertently makes sparrow distant from her as well. i dont know which way sparrows relationship with henry went. part of me wonders if maybe lark was closer wjth mercedes and sparrow was closer with henry. who knows. im ramblings and off topic but anyway.

maybe sparrows distant with hero bdcause shes not his daughter. becaude he *knows*, potentially, she might Not be his. and sparrow doesn’t want that because thats not *normal* its not *conventional*. this also explains him marrying centrist rebecca (does not explain what wa sin her pussy to make lark wanna hit it too if im correct abt him being closer to mercedes. maybe im off and he was closer to autumn. idk). maybe hero already felt eldest daughter syndrome, compounded by the fact that her birth dad feels shame and guilt not just bc of her name and the circumstances of her brith but also bc he just doesnt feel worthy of bejng a father. arms length and all that.

and so. NORMAL. normal is guaranteed sparrows son now. in this version of events. and its perfect now its fine because normal is his normal is his son and not larks. sparrow is happy. forget about hero she doesnt count because shes mayeb not his. forget her. and then normal isnt. normal. hes weird. he wears a mascot suit all tbe time. he doesnt realize people laugh at him not with him. and thats not okay. thats wrong. thats Out of the Ordinary that interrupts the daily flow and its JJST BARRY AGAIN. its JUST barry but maybe even WORSE. because barry believed his son superior. sparrow thinks his son is lesser.

sparrow likes his son fine but hes not proud of him. he doesnt wanna show him off. LARK. though. uncle lark is Everytbing. theres no shame attached to normal liek there js to hero. hero’s his brith child and hed mess it up but hey. he cant do worse to normal than sparrow has. and maybe lark sees a bit of himself in norm. sees a kid who wasnt accepted by his father. who wasnt as Respected because sparrow was a love wolf and lark wasnt. lark looks at normal and can see him get crushed under a giant pyramid. lark looks at normal and worries hed be the next lord of chaos.

so lark. co parents. he cares for norm. he pretends fo be his brother to apologize for the bullshit he said. he does—in his fucked up, traumatized way—his best to prepare norm for things he might experience. theres no shame attached to norm like there is hero because hero’s birth almost ruined sparrow. ruined his perfect life with hsi perfect wife. so lark can step up when sparrow. cant. or doesnt. lark supports norm. maybe to make up for whst he cant do for hid actual daughter.

also im biased but i like lark having a daughter a lot. in a show where everyone has sons ofc the one who has a daughter (a BIRTH daughter, too, so still a first even if i love terry and scary) is LARK. fhats prob why i prefer lark ebing hero or scarys dad to norms. anyways.

where does that leave hero? who doesnt have sparrows adoration and attention because she might not be his. who doesnt have larks because she MIGHT be.

well…………………. maybe scary breaks free from willy’s manipulation. maybe willy needs somebody to help him pull the strings from his side. maybe willy can step up not for taylor, but for somebody else. somebody who has TWO male adults in her life who push her aside for her baby brother. and willy really needs daddy magic. so maybe. maybe just maybe.

willy finds an unsung hero in a different way.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads spoilers #lark oak #sparrow oak #normal oak #hero oak

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andypantsx3 · 4 years ago

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Hii can I request a deleted scene for "if I could keep cool" that tells chapter 2 from Shouto's POV? I would absolutely love to c what was going through Shouto's head when he figured out that Y/N was just a cleaning lady and what was the moment that made him want to ask her out when he saw her at his house afterwards! Thank u!!

I accidentally got carried away, so this bad boy is 1.9k!! My apologies lol. I hope you like it!!

It wasn’t every day that someone told Shouto Todoroki to go fuck himself.

Particularly not quirkless civilians, and never those he’d rescued.

There was usually a lot more breathless gratitude, some bowing and scraping, and—mystifyingly—a lot of phone numbers, handkerchiefs, and very unsubtle attempts to get a hand or two around his biceps. Shouto didn’t really know what his biceps had to do with it, but he’d seen the same thing happen to Midoriya and Kirishima as well—and Bakugou once, before he’d nearly gnawed the woman’s hands off—so he assumed it was just another social cue he’d never understand.

As little as he cared for social cues, however, he was certain that there was usually a lot more thank you and a little less go fuck yourself involved in the whole rescuing process.

But then, he’d also never told off a civilian for having been kidnapped before.

A civilian who, he’d come to realize almost immediately afterward, hadn’t deserved it.

When he’d asked his mother her advice over the phone, she’d told him the best thing to do was to be honest and try to start fresh. “White flowers mean forgiveness—tulips new beginnings,” she’d advised him.

So Shouto had ducked into the nearest florist and brought back an apology in hopes that you would accept it.

He might have known, however, that you’d manage to turn even a simple apology completely on its head.

The clatter of cleaning supplies in his kitchen on Thursday afternoon told Shouto you’d let yourself in for your usual shift. He followed the sound, only for it to halt at his approach, the kitchen seemingly empty as he drew nearer.

He stopped short, fighting down a surprised swell of amusement when he realized you’d ducked down, hiding yourself behind his counters as if anyone, especially a pro hero, might be fooled by that.

“I know you’re there,” he said, keeping his tone even.

He heard a muttered swear word, and then you were rising slowly to your feet, wearing a sheepish expression, and clutching a bottle of windex like a weapon.

You looked just as you had the day of your rescue, though obviously a little less harrowed by a kidnapping. You were dressed casually in jeans and a simple shirt, no indicator that you were an employee of a cleaning service—Shouto felt at least a little justified in his mistake from last week.

You were clearly a college student, the backpack dumped at his kitchen island was evidence of that much, overflowing with textbooks and notes as it was, and you looked just slightly disheveled, like you might have come straight from class.

It was part of some nebulous, unassuming appeal to you, now that he had occasion to notice. He’d remembered your features twisted up in disdain, but they were open in surprise now, your eyes wide, fixed on him. His own eyes were drawn to the scrunch of your nose, a little curl of embarrassment that he suddenly found himself unable to tear his gaze away from.

“I, uh, thought you weren’t supposed to be here,” you admitted to him with a visible cringe.

Shouto almost laughed. He didn’t know much about you, but it was clear to him now that you weren’t anything like a crazy fan. You looked like you’d rather be anywhere but here at the moment. In fact, you looked rather like you might bolt any second.

A strange feeling shifted in his chest, and Shouto cut right to the chase.

“I owe you an apology,” he said simply.

You startled so violently that you dropped the windex. “W-what?”

Shouto sighed, admitting, “My manager schedules the cleaning days. I didn’t realize that you were—that is to say, I thought you were a fan who had broken in and managed to get kidnapped while you were at it.”

You gaped, another confused little expression that Shouto found himself fixating on with an intensity that surprised him. The weird feeling in his chest shifted, burning a little hotter.

He wondered absently what other expressions he could get you to make.

“Oh, I, um...nope. Not a fan,” you said, and the feeling grew more insistent.

He paused over the phrasing—not a fan.

It had never bothered him before, when someone was a bigger fan of a classmate than they were of him, or weren’t really a hero fan at all. Shouto honestly did not quite understand why hero work was so tied up in fandom in the first place, and only attended fan events because his manager’s temper was not a thing to be trifled with.

He wanted to be a hero who put people at ease, but ease was the last thing he felt with people clamoring all over him. Fighting villains was infinitely more preferable.

So why did your admission that you weren’t a fan of his niggle at his brain, like a particularly insistent parasite?

Who were you a fan of, if not him?

“...Well, glad that’s cleared up now. I’ll just, uh, go then,” you said, grabbing an armful of the cleaning supplies and shoving it back under the sink hastily.

Shouto had moved before he knew what he was doing, getting himself in between you and the door out to the hallway.

“Wait,” he said, feeling uncomfortable. “I want to make up for what I said to you. You...didn’t deserve that, especially not right after you’d been kidnapped by a villain.”

He watched you eye the space between his hip and the counter, like you were considering making a break for it. As he watched your face, he felt some strange hope that you might try it, a certainty he would catch you.

...Why did he want to catch you?

You waved a hand. “It’s fine. You saved me, we can call it even.”

Shouto’s mouth turned down minutely. He’d behaved badly, but surely you’d credit him better manners than that. “It’s my fault you were taken in the first place. I’d like to apologize properly.”

Your face did something weird, then, another distracting little curl of the nose. “You don’t actually have to go fuck yourself,” you blurted.

Shouto stared at you, caught off guard.

“Uh, I mean. You saved my life,” you babbled suddenly. “And yeah what you said to me was super rude, but what I said to you was also super rude. So, um, I’m sorry too. And I really would just like to call it even and forget about it because it’s super embarrassing for both of us and I could literally die thinking about it.”

You stopped suddenly, looking self-conscious like you’d realized you’d been rambling. Shouto almost wished you hadn’t.

“I hadn’t really planned on it,” he said quickly.

“Hadn’t planned on what?”

“Fucking myself,” he clarified. You choked on a shocked laugh, and he let a small smile tug at his mouth—there.

Finally.

Finally you looked a little more comfortable with him.

Shouto tried hard not to look too pleased with himself.

“Oh, well that’s good, then," you said. Then you puffed up a little, adding, "That’s probably a job for your actual secret lover.”

Good lord. “Not you, too.”

You threw him a smile, and Shouto’s heartbeat tripped over itself. “But I have evidence. I saw that homemade soup in your fridge once with the love note attached.”

It took him a moment to focus on what you were saying, but Shouto recalled the soup in question. It had been quite good, even if Bakugou had spent almost a half an hour ranting about what a weak ass little bitch he was for catching a cold. It had almost been worth it, the soup was that delicious. “Ah yes. That secret lover.”

“Cute pet name, too,” you said.

Shouto let out a low laugh, recalling the note. “You fucking fuck, was it?”

You laughed too, tension easing from your shoulders. Shouto’s eyes hungrily traced even that small movement.

A dawning sense of what was happening finally settled over him as he pronounced, “As it happens, however, I did already plan more of an apology.”

You looked up at him, your brow furrowing. “You planned...more of an apology?”

He gestured to a tall vase of white tulips on the kitchen counter. Your eyes went a little rounder as you observed them. You looked like you weren’t sure if they were for you, as if there were another previously kidnapped cleaning girl lurking about, who might be in need of an apology.

What a fascinating thing you were.

“I’ve been told that they mean forgiveness and new beginnings. I had hoped that we might...start over,” Shouto explained. He couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.

“I didn’t bring you any flowers,” you blurted.

He covered up a surprised laugh with a cough, the feeling in his stomach burning hotter. “I hadn’t expected them.”

He watched you turn back thoughtfully to the bouquet, certain now.

Over the phone, his mother had also said white flowers carried connotations of honor and purity. Two notions, Shouto realized with a growing sense of curiosity, that may be entirely inapplicable to his feelings about you.

He didn’t know much about you, but he knew for certain that he’d like to know more. And as he watched you reach out to pluck at a petal, wearing a shy little smile, he thought that yes, honor and purity had very little to do with his intentions at the moment.

You thanked him for the flowers, and Shouto made it clear to you that he hadn’t meant what he’d said about you being unwelcome here. He wanted—no, desired your return now.

“That’s good to hear, thank you,” you said. Then your smile went a little mischievous. “As you can see, though, it didn’t really deter me.”

Shouto let himself smirk. “If I hadn’t seen the cleaning supplies already on the counter, I would be concerned that you’d come back for revenge.”

“There’s still time,” you joked. “Maybe I was going to play the long game and fill all the bottles with Sprite.”

The mulish statement surprised him into another laugh. “I hope the flowers are enough of a deterrent.”

You looked over the flowers again, then smiled up at him. His eyes caught on your mouth.

“The bribe has been accepted. Your countertops are safe from me.” You paused, then added, “For now.”

The hot feeling was everywhere now, simmering just underneath Shouto’s skin. He left himself lean towards you, relishing in the way your breath caught in a tiny hitch. “Be warned that I will do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of my countertops.”

You complained that he hardly used them, but complied nevertheless. Then you bullied him out of the kitchen, that tiny little scrunch back on your nose.

Shouto let you have your way, making his way over to the couch and settling on it with a book he had absolutely no intention of reading. Instead, as he watched you clean, he considered things.

He had always been straightforward about his goals. Once he’d chosen heroism as his dream, he’d let nothing stand in his way, working diligently all through UA, shooting nonstop through the ranks before breaking into the top five this year, one of the youngest to have ever done it.

He was deliberate about what he wanted. He worked hard for what he wanted.

And as he wandered back towards the kitchen, questions ready in his mouth, he knew what else he wanted.

He wanted to know more about you.

He wanted to spend more time with you.

He wanted…

Well, he rather thought he wanted you.

I was going to edit this but every time I went to touch it, I made it worse. I hope you liked it anyway!

Garbage Fest masterlist & schedule.

#garbage fest 2021 #garbage fest questions

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wank127 · 4 years ago

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sorry in advance if i’m spamming your notifications /gen!

i just remembered that denki existed and i’m craving [neurodivergent] headcanons and your blog kinda has a lot of good reblogs n posts of that so-

you’re not spamming at all, in fact i didn’t even see this till now since i don’t normally get any asks ! (thanks for the ask btw <3) i hope you enjoy !!

neurodivergent denki headcannons !

disclaimer: i, myself, am autistic so this is a wee bit of me projecting. my intentions for this post are not to offend anyone in the nd community nor spread any miss information. please correct me if i make any mistakes ! and apologies for it being so long i’m still trying to figure out the ‘read more’ thing !! now ! onto the head cannons !!

he has MAJOR sensory issues and issues with bad textures

his main ones are foods that are a mix between solid or liquid, like a soup that’s meant to be smooth but isn’t or like very wet bread, anything sticky and that one inside of a hoodie feel, like the one wear it’s like fleece but it feels like plastic and somehow creamy and just BLUGNXJSK y’know?

he has that not right kind of thing(iykyk) where he has to say a word/phrase again till it feels right, or touch the desk again, or hit the back of foot again to make it right

it gets really frustrating sometimes

he surprisingly likes velvet, fun to play with, cool to drag your finger around on

he has very bad memory problems

like really bad

they cause him to breakdown every time he has a test cause everything he tried to study was just,, gone,, no where to be found

he opens up to present mic about it and he’s a big help, gives him extra time for testing, helps him with study techniques, gives him more reminders, etc etc

mic and him are like that student-english teacher duo

(no bc they’re the same person just different sizes please)

he struggles with reading a lot too, he knows there’s words but his brain just won’t recognize what they are

word soup

his main special interests/hyperfixations are old english literature, true crime/psychology/criminal stuff, literally anything to do with art and physics(electricity stuff)

he has other ones like cars and how to annoy bakugo to the brink of tears

his most common stims are happy flappy hands, putting his hand into a thumbs up and squeezing, rocking back and forth and swinging his legs about

his like calm down stim is humming, having some form of pressure(weighted blanket !!) and rocking a little bit

he gets overwhelmed by questions a lot

like if he’s not prepared to answer one and he gets asked TWO he’ll just go ‘nope’

he’s nonverbal sometimes, especially when he gets overwhelmed

he zones out and daydreams for like,,, 70% of the day

his favorite texture for food is something like mash potatoes, like a doughy texture, one that just sits right in the mouth

(potato waffles are his go to food (british thing but they’re so good))

just enough chew but not too much, not too wet not too dry

speaking of dry food,, he hates it. dry biscuits(cookies) are a no go if he doesn’t have a bunch of water/juice with him, he also just doesn’t like hot drinks

he’s god fuckinh amazing at art, like painting, drawing, sketching, everything

he’s so good at it

he ‘doodles’ in all of his school work and books, most of the time it’s of aizawa or present mic (or,, *cough*his crush*cough*) and they’re super accurate

when he goes to sleep he has to have a small tea light candle lit, his over the ear headphones on and playing asmr and a hoodie (comfort hoodie, gifted to him by kiri) with the hood up and pressure on his feet(like just his blanket covering them is fine)

no other set up is allowed

he uses fidget (simple dimple pop) and sensory toys

they got taken away from him in class one time, he almost cried it was so sad

RAGE

so much rage

god

when he was younger he used to scream bloody murder when he had to put on sunscreen (same boo)

refused to wear it until his parents got him a spray on sunscreen (it was just like an oil/water based sunscreen that just,, wasn’t sticky, it was perfect) he still uses it to this day

he loves music, so much

it’s so cool

so many playlists

has like ten different ones that he made just for long car drives

like all the sounds and noises just make his brain so happy

he likes bo burnham cause he has very good lyrics and sounds that make him wanna share them with everyone so they can be happy too (especially ‘sexting’ , ‘oh bo’,’ words words words’, ’rant’, the kanye one, ‘we think we know you’, ‘channel 5 news: the musical’ and ‘bezos’ 1&2)

(omg channel 5 news is so good)

his number is 5

he’s kinda scared to do good in school bc his rank in class will go up and what if it lands on an ugly number??

he’s quite unintentionally restrictive with his food

he just forgets to eat or that he’s hungry

he’s working on it tho dw !

his accents are like typical british/english, australian and southern american

pop out at random times

like he’ll ask present mic to repeat the page number as a southern bell little lady

had a vocal stim that was opra singing “milly rock pick it up”

lil jon vocal stim

(YEAH)

his room is very messy and cluttered from all the failed hobbies and things he just forgot about

expect him to cook but DO NOT expect him to clean up afterwards

like iida will walk into the dorm kitchen in the morning and find this huge mess thinking someone broke in

and kiri is like: oh ig denki was hungry i wonder if he has leftovers

okay i think i’m gonna end this one here lol it’s getting kinda long ! i hope you liked it ! <3

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soft-boi-eli · 3 years ago

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Ok ok! Good uhm.

Ok since body dysmorphia has been kicking my butt lately i wanted to request something with Schlatt where basically the reader Starts getting really insecure because of their body. Pushing and pulling on their stomach etc. They also start binding unsafely with like really tight bras because they can't afford a binder and they end up fucking up their ribs really bad. They end up in the hospital and a very worried Schlatt visit's them and lectures them about how they shouldn't have done that and about how worried he was. So when they get back home there is a gift on the bed, turns out Schlatt bought them a binder.

The reader would be Non-binary and afab.

Also a little message for pretty much anyone who is insecure about their body/has body dysmorphia because of their chest, don't bind unsafely. That can really fuck up your chest and make you actually being happy with your body even harder.

Hell yes. I love this idea thank you icarus! Writing has been rude to me lately and I needed inspiration. This has hit it exactly.

Pronouns:nonbinary (dont think any were actually used in this so yeah.)

Tw: AFAB reader, swearing, insecurity, mention of surgry, mention of blood, mention of hating self, pain. Again angst to fluff. It is reflecting on how I have felt about my body before because I needed to make it seem kinda real.

PSA: please dont bind safely. It's dangerous and can lead to serious health consequences. I know hating your body sucks but I dont want anyone to get hurt because they dont listen to their lungs, they dont take off their binder, or if their bras are way too fucking tight. It can and will hurt you. So please bind safely!!

Happy birth-what the fuck?!

Lately your brain was giving you more dysphoria then ever. Telling you your body was too big, your boobs were too noticable, and you hips are too feminine.

What brought this on? Someone simply said your dead name. It made your dysphoria hit you like a truck.

After that day everything went down hill. Your stopped streaming, telling your followers that you were going on a mental break, you didn't really talk to friends, your brain could put words together. And you most importantly barely texted your loving supporting boyfriend schaltt, not wanting to break down in front of him.

You never had the time or thoughts of getting a chest binder. It was your biggest mistake honestly.

Deciding against chest binders and wearing alot of tight bras to flatten you. But it didnt work. So you got tighter bras. And they did work. But you didnt read up on how to bind safely.

This lead to the predicament now. In front of your mirror you were pinching and pulling at your skin. There was too much. All you wanted to do was cut it off with scissors. But decided against it due to the fact of all the blood that you would loose.

Your chest, smaller then it was yas, was still visible after your 3rd bra. You decided to add a 4th and tighter one hoping it would completely hide your boobs.

Your body made you want to puke. It made you feel disgusting. But you never told schaltt that. Afraid that he would say that you looked as gross as you thought you did.

Only 5 minutes after the 4th bra you felt excoriating pain in your ribs. And worse of all a harsh pop. That immediately brought red flags. It hurt to breath. Your head fuzzy and light headed.

Your only reaction, to call for an ambulance. Dialing the three numbers as you whimpered in pain you held onto your lungs. "911 what's your emergency?" "I cant breathe. It hurts so bad. Please help." "Are you by yourself?" "Yes. I need help please." "Ambulance, firemen, and police are on their way. Ambulance is 2 minutes out."

You didnt know if you had 2 minutes. "They can break the door down if I dont answer." That's all you said after collapsing.

Next thing you knew your door was busted off its hinges and you saw two paramedics. They were quick to transfer you to the ambulance, cutting through the four bras that held your chest.

It help get air to your lungs but it barely helped.

"We have a collapsed lung. ETA 2 minutes." The paramedic back there with you spoke to the walkie talkie.

Collapsed lung? Was that the harsh pop? God, was the bras that bad of an idea? All that was going through your mind was how you possibly could get worse. The instant you got into the trauma bay was way worse. With no time to numb you and your O2 stats dropping they had to cut between your ribs and shove a tube right next to your left lung. Draining air and excess blood blocking your lung from inflating. And before you knew it you were off to emergency surgery for getting a shard of bone out of your chest cavity.

The last thing you remember was counting down and falling asleep.

When you woke up your boyfriend was next to your bed, hands engulfing one of yours.

It looked like he had been crying before falling asleep on one of your legs. Taking your free hand through his hair you smiled lightly. "I'm sorry for all of this ram boy." He grunted lightly and moved his head back into your hand. His messy hair was thick and nearly matted. It made you wonder how long he's been sitting there. You loved him and felt so selfish for doing this to him.

"I cant believe I did all this and for what? To cause you and everyone pain? All because i couldnt afford a chest binder and deciding that I might as well try another way. I should have been safer huh?" You didnt expect an answer back. Just his quite snores.

"Yeah. Not really fuckin selfish more like kinda dumb. Your body doesnt show who the fuck you are (y/n). Your heart does. And your heart isnt say boy or girl. Its saying you are you. A person who uses pronouns they them. A person that love everyone and cares for their friends. A person who love me and jambo so deeply."

He took a breath.

"You normally are quite smart. Saving up for one would of been a better idea instead of doing such a stupid thing. Asking for my help. Because if I knew I would of helped. I would of found one just right for you. I would help you remember to take it off after 8 hours. Even would of found a way to make you feel more like you."

You could hear his heart break.

"But now you're here, four broken ribs, a healing lung, and stuck in the hospital for another week at least."

You felt so guilty. He was right. You should of told him. He would never have seen you like you saw yourself. He never cared about how you looked. He only cared for your heart.

Tears falling down your face you continued to massage his scalp. "I could of lost you. You are my rock. When I cant keep up my normal antics and feel like I'm at an all time low. You are there to pick me up." You had to stop the sob from coming up. "I'm just so happy youre alive." He looked up.

His red eyes were making your heart ache. "I wont do it again I promise. But I cant just ignore the feeling of dread whe. I look down and realize I present so much like a girl. I dont wa t to be one." Schaltt nodded and kissed the hand he was holding. "Then let me help you. I wont let this happen again. Just please. Come to me. Talk to me. I'm here like you are for me."

You gave a small nod.

This man knew his way to your heart. He was so sincere about this. "I will. But promise me you wont look down on me if I end up feeling like that." You just needed to make sure you knew he would never but you needed his words. "Mever sugarbabe. Never in my life have I looked down on you and never will."

God the week was long, him and the doctor explaining safe binding that you cant fully bind for at least 6-8 weeks. Schlatt telling you his reaction to finding your apartment swarmed with police and firemen and you no where to be seen.

He was practicing on saying happy birthday to you. But was cut off. "Happy birth-what the fuck?!" He was so concerned and even more so when you were in hospital.

When you did go home he helped you through the door, and watched you as you saw the small package on your couch.

Opening it you saw a chest binder. Specifically the one you were looking at. Looking over to schaltt with tears in your eyes you walked up and hugged him lightly minding the pain in your left side. This was the best gift.

The only gift you had been wanting for the past week or two. "Now you can be safe. But no binding till your doctor says so or I swear to god I will personally smite you down." You had to try so hard no to laugh or the pain would of been hell. Kissing his cheek you smiled.

"Of course schaltt. I will make sure to not wear it till I'm healed dont want to get blood on it ya know. Also it would hurt like a fucking bitch."

He chuckled and ruffled your hair. "Alright now go sit down. I'll get you some soup ya dork."

This was going to be a great time. That was until the pain fully came back. And then this is going to be a mediocre time.

Please pardon spelling errors. I havent proof read. And I am on mobile for almost all stories. But thank you so much for requesting this became something that I could write and it helped me alot. Now I might take a while for other things too and i apologize that's cause i am starting school soon. Also family issues. So yeah might take a bit. Dont know how long though. I'll try to keep them coming but if not you know I'm studying or helping my mom and grandma.

Eli out.

#jschlatt x reader #mcyt fluff #schlatt x reader #mcyt #mcyt schlatt #dsmp schlatt #schlatt fluff #schlatt #please bind safely #non binary #tw: body harm #tw: body dysphoria #tw: body dysmorphia

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pigeonsatdawn · 4 years ago

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law school ep 15 (and solhwi overall)

gonna put in my two cents for the line that singlehandedly caused the solhwi nation to implode.

(apologies in advanced because my thoughts are too messy for me to neatly put it in a post but i want to say it anyway—also this is just the way i view solhwi so please don't come screaming at me if you disagree!)

i'm a diehard solhwi shipper and i love their relationship, and think they have one of the best relationships out there in the fictional world, and also definitely one of the healthiest. but to me, their relationship extends far beyond the romantic relationships we so often see portrayed in media.

kim beom said in one interview that this relationship between HJH and KS is kin to that of a soulmate relationship that's not necessarily romance, and i find myself agreeing with that notion. while soulmates are typically used to describe romantic partnerships, it doesn't necessarily have to start with romance. (many people have pointed this out in other posts so i won't go further down the fact that HJH x KS's relationship is a friends-to-lovers slow burn but you get me.)

but in fact, this bond between soulmates (or at least how i define it), in my opinion, is far beyond what we usually see in romance. as in, it's not just someone you like, but it's someone whose changed your life in a certain way. i know some may be averse to the idea of having to change for the one you love because loving is the notion of accepting someone in spite of the person's flaws, but what i mean is that when you love someone in this way, you want to change because of them. you see them, and they inspire you, and you grow in your own way. once again—growth is a very subjective idea, and even for HJH and KS we can see them grow in different directions—but we can clearly see how they have impacted each others' lives.

it's quite obvious, imo, how KS's life has been impacted by HJH's. she's,, not the "smartest" out there, and we can't deny that. we know she probably won't make it through law school if not for HJH's help. HJH is always there, a step ahead of KS, but he's not just being proud about it, instead opting to help her understand what the laws are and why they are the way they are, which KS especially needs, being a particularly empathic person. but we've also seen that HJH has helped KS beyond simply academics. he's always been there to protect her—almost all their interactions have proven that (the camera outside her house, the hungover soup, the switching seats—i think literally everything?..?..?.??). maybe she doesn't necessarily need protection, but surely thanks to his protection she's much better than she might've been without, especially knowing her terribly miserable life.

but i often wonder why HJH is so heart-eyes of KS of all people. i mean, i know love is love and sometimes you just catch feelings, but i believe there's more meaning behind their relationship than meets the eye. like you don't just look at someone so lovingly for it to be just a crush, y'know? the first reason that comes to mind is clearly simply KS's amicable personality. she definitely stands out: she's not that intelligent, struggling and barely surviving, but she has insane passion to pull through even despite truth attacks (like SJH saying she should reconsider her life decisions, saying that a chance of passing isn't something to be proud of, etc). she treats everything with such a positive outlook, and, well, KS is just an adorable human, so it's hard not to have a little crush her.

what makes KS stand out most, the core of her personality, is that she has hope, despite everything. she's been through shit because of her circumstances—left by her twin sister without a word, been in juvie, has no money to deal with it—you know, entire backstory. but instead she fights her weakness, even though she feel like it should've been her sister, even though she's not smart enough, because she has to do this. she keeps going, even though things keep turning out for the worse for her, holding hope when circumstances are most dire. but why? because she strives for justice. she doesn't want to be wronged. she wants the law to own up its mistakes, wants to make sure the law gets its own revenge. that's why she wants to work in law, yeah? and so she keeps fighting, even when hope seems lost.

okay but why did i mention this? because i think this is what HJH sees in KS. why? because this is what he needs.

HJH had lost hope. in an episode (i don't remember which), he mentioned he doesn't trust anyone, and it's obvious why: his uncle. it's the worst kind of betrayal that causes your ideals being burned down. he realized that even people who work in law can be corrupt, people who he thought he could trust above all others, people who seemed utterly good. and then he just begins to regard everyone with baseline amity, and no further. many have pointed out he doesn't have real friends (other than KS), even though he looks outgoing and friendly. it's not quite shown, but it must've been lonely. and a lonely fight, trying to prove that he will be a better prosecutor than his uncle was. and we know that HJH's nature as a person is to be calculating, objective, seeing things through facts and statistics; it's what makes him so intelligent. what that also makes him is realistic, and more often than not, that is almost equal to pessimistic—because reality just... sucks, as has been proven by the betrayal of his uncle. and further into the drama we see only more corrupt people in the business, so we certainly don't get out hopes fueled.

there's scarcely anyone in what we see who's actually pursuing law because they're passionate about the law, or if they are, they're not often very... human in doing it. examples: YJH, SJH, KSB are all very cold and indifferent types, people who really just come and do what they do, focus on studies (in the case of YJH, his teaching), and interactions with others are treated as "lesser". SJH and KSB in particular—they're good at the law, sure, but they seem to prioritize their position in law first and foremost. SJH and KSB don't hesitate to call out their losses, and even would rather not intervene for justice if it meant their position would be compromised. not that they're bad characters, not at all; i mentioned them simply to compare them to KS, who, despite not having the brains to do half the things she's supposed to do and earning herself nosebleeds everytime she tries, still does what she does for justice, passionately, hopefully, all for righteousness.

okay this was longer than i intended WHEW so i'll cut to the chase: long story short, HJH needs KS because KS gives him hope. hope of a humanity where people actually work in law and choose to fight for justice against all odds, even if the system itself is infiltrated by filth and corruption. KS is someone who, in her first lecture, was grilled the fuck out by Yangcrates, yet the first thing she does after she nearly throws her guts out is ask HJH whether he can tutor her. she does not ever lose hope, and that, truly, is what stands out to HJH, what he needs.

and KS needs HJH because he is her hope as well! hope by itself does no good if you can't actually do something about it, and KS knows this. HJH, despite seemingly just being someone to help her in her studies, is someone she needs if she wants to achieve her goals, if she wants to get back on the law the right way. which is why, in the end, KS and HJH are, while independent in their own way, dependent on each other in terms of their growth—KS gives HJH hope in humanity, HJH helps KS realize (make real) her hopes that would have been dreams if not for her.

oh my god i've rambled on this long without stating my point: THE DAMN LINE.

HJH saying he owes her makes sense in this light because, indeed, KS's positive outlook in everything keeps him going. it gives him a reason to keep wanting to work in law, because she is a reason to believe in goodness and justice, that there will be people who keep fighting for justice against all odds. he owes this to her—and perhaps that is why he goes all out to help her achieve that hope, perhaps that's why he goes out of his way to care for her. because they are each other's missing puzzle piece, the other half. soulmates.

sigh ok this was long ONE FINAL POINT. everyone has their own opinion on a solwhi ending, so i might as well chip in mine.

certainly, as a solhwi shipper, i want them to end up together. i believe they're really the best of soulmates, two people who just complement each other so well. but in the current timeline, them having a romantic relationship out of the blue would be,,, simply unnecessary, imo. they're still very much in the stage of friendship, and are both dealing with their own personal baggage, that shoving a romance would just take away the focus from their growth. i personally think even this platonic relationship is already a beautiful one, one that outshines many of the romances i've watched, even without having to flood everything under the romance light—which i think many can agree with me, seeing as how solhwi is shipped so much. i still want to see them end up together, though, so SEASON TWO LAW SCHOOL MANIFESTATION. please please please directors writers make it happen i am begging you. thank you.

sorry for this long ass post, thank you if you do read it and leave any thoughts! again this is just my opinion, you're free to let me know if you think differently or anything, or shoot me a message if you want to scream about solhwi or whatever i'm just solhwi brainrot 24/7 🤸🏻‍♀️

#sorry this was so long i have absolutely no self control when it comes to law school #law school #law school jtbc #law school kdrama #로스쿨 #solhwi #han joon hwi #kang sol a #kang sol #kdrama #kim beom #ryu hye young #mine #analysis #opinion #netflix

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lordabovehelpme · 4 years ago

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Know That I Love You- Din Djarin x Reader

This is chapter four (and the final chapter) of my Forget Me Not Series.

A/n: Hello everyone. Yes, I know I had one more chapter planned before the epilogue, but I just really liked how this one ended and I thought it would work best with the series. Thank you everyone for your support and kind words as I have been writing this. I have had a blast creating this series and it is really all becuase of you lovely people. I hope you guys enjoy this ending and shed as many tears as I did writing it. Thank you again for making my life as a content creator that much more special. I love each and every one of you.

Summary: After a long month of no memories, you and your husband have one last idea.

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Why did this happen to you? Why has your brain just decided to block everything from you? It’s been a month. A long seemingly never ending month since the last time you remembered something.

You and your husband have tried everything. Foods, music, scents, literally everything. And yet, nothing.

The first week was alright. Your memories, so far, have been spaced out by about a week. So the three of you just went about normal life. But then week two hit. You started getting antsy, excited for the next new memory. What new thing would you remember? Would it relate to Din? Or Grogu? The possibilities were endless.

As each day passed, you started getting more and more stirred and thrilled. Even the stoic mandalorian started to pick up on your excitement. Every night he would ask if you had remembered anything or if anything throughout the day had sparked something. But the answer was always no.

Your hope started to waver and deplete towards the beginning of week three. By the end of the week you found yourself questioning why. Why when you were making so much progress it would end so soon? Why would the world offer you so much hope only to rip it away again?

It is now week four. You’ve given up. It’s like someone took a knife and cut from your heart to your stomach, leaving it open and deep. Your heart seizes as you look at your husband. Not only is this hard for you, but for him too.

Currently, you’re on the way to a planet called Sorgan. Din had said that they had contacted him and needed some help with supplies. You had asked him if you knew this planet. He explained that you’ve only been a few times and that he tries to keep tabs on this planet. So he said that the first day might be a little overwhelming as the village will recognize you. But he assured you he’ll be right beside you.

He’s always right beside you, supporting you and making sure you’re okay. The firm strong hand on your back that assures you that you’re safe; both physically and metaphorically.

As if he can feel your gaze, he looks over his shoulder at you. Those warm compassionate eyes sparkle as they silently ask you if you’re okay.

You nod at him, although it’s a melancholic nod. He offers you a smile before turning back towards the world outside the ship.

***

That’s weird. You can hear birds chirping from outside the Crest. Sitting up, you find yourself alone in the bunk, no Din and no Grogu.

Wrapping the blanket around you, you stand and pad through the hull. Oh, you must have landed on Sorgan in the night. That explains everything. The containers of supplies Din brought for them are gone and he’s not even here.

After getting dressed, you finally emerge from the ship. Laughter bubbles around the village as children run around with one another. People are out in the water with baskets and wide smiles. The buzz of insects and songs of birds go right along with the various conversations held between people.

You scan your surroundings, searching for the shiny armor of your mandalorian. Ah, there. Near the front of the houses and huts stands your husband with a woman. She is absolutely beautiful. Long brown hair that looks so silky and smooth. Her kind eyes as she smiles up at the mandalorian.

They look cute together.

The thought comes out of nowhere, but you can’t deny the truth it holds. You watch as they converse, and your heart sinks when she reaches out and grabs your husband's bicep, that sweet large smile and gorgeous sparkling eyes. But it hurts even more when he does nothing, he doesn't even flinch.

Jealousy burns a hold right through your chest and you hope she can feel it. Mustering up your confidence, you walk over and grab his other arm.

At the sight of you she releases his arm and her shoulders drop. But she lifts them back up so fast you start to question if it actually happened.

“Hello cyare, did you sleep well?” He wraps his arm around you and pulls you into his side.

You look right at the woman, making eye contact before turning your gaze to your mandalorian. “Yes, but I would have woken up better if you were there.” You put on a show, sticking your bottom lip out in a pout and you try to make your eyes as wide as possible, batting you eyelashes in a silent plea.

He chuckles and squeeze your waist in apology. “I’m sorry, I planned on coming back to you but I got held up.”

You hum out some sort of forgiveness before turning back towards the woman. “Hi, how are you? Do I happen to know you?”

She smiles. “Oh yes, I’m Omera. You do know me, or well you did know me.” She gasps as she catches her mistake. “I’m so sorry.” Her eyes widen in fear as she looks up to meet your husband's gaze. “Please, forgive me. I meant no offense.” She dips her head in an apologetic bow, distress written all over her features.

“Oh no, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” You realize just how petty you had been to her. Jealousy really does cloud one’s mind. Smiling at her you assure her that you had just started off on the wrong foot. She nods and smiles back at you.

***

The two of you walk back to the Crest for lunch. The mandalorian sits down on a container while sliding his helmet off. “Cyare, I was thinking.”

“That’s never good.” You say it over your shoulder while preparing the food rations

He glares at you, but you don’t miss the glimmer of amusement in his eyes as you turn back around. “Maybe we should try going to a medic to see if there's some medication or something. They have a really good one here. That’s also one of the reasons I wanted to bring you here.”

“Oh.” You hand him his bowl of soup before sitting down next to him. “That sounds good.”

He looks at you, checking for your facial expressions. “Are you sure? You don’t have to make the decision now, I just wanted you to start thinking about it.”

You meet his eyes and your hand moves to cup his cheek, your thumb running along the skin beneath his eye. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He slightly leans into your touch and his eyes flutter closed. Smiling, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. “Thank you for caring.”

His eyes open and nearly knock you over with how much adoration they hold. “Always.” He tilts towards your hand so he can press a kiss to your palm. “Always cyare.”

***

He holds your hand as you walk over towards the hut where the medic lives. “Do you want me to go in with you, or do you want to go by yourself?”

That makes you stop and think. It would be easiest for him to come in with you and hold your hand. But what if you learn something that you don’t want him to know, let alone yourself to know. You’d rather break the news to him than for a medic to tell the both of you.

“I think I’d like to go by myself.” His visor tilts down towards you. “But you can come if you’d like. I know this is just as hard for you as it is for me.”

He squeezes your shoulders before bringing you into a hug. “No, you go cyare. But, please…” his voice falters and the vocoder cracks, “please be okay.” Those last words are barely even audible.

You look up at him and slide your fingers under his helmet, stroking his prickly jaw. He leans down and presses his forehead against your own. Water falls onto your fingertips and he pulls you closer to his chest. “I promise.”

He nods his head and grips your wrists, lifting your hands just enough so he can press a kiss to each finger. Then he releases them as you lean up to kiss his helmet. He gives one last squeeze to your skin before letting you go into the hut. As your shape disappears behind the door he almost follows you, but he knows better. So he just takes one last glance before walking away.

As you walk through the door, you are instantly met with the strong smell of sanitizer and medicine. There are a few chairs to your right, they onlook the various machines and curtained-off sections.

A kind looking older woman emerges from a separate room. “Ah yes, I heard you would be here soon.” She gestures for you to follow her into another room.

“You did?”

She chuckles, “Yes, your husband was very adamant that I see you.”

“Oh.” You can’t fight the smile that breaks its way onto your face.

She sits you down on a chair before scanning over your body. You watch her eyes, but from her years of experience, she doesn’t let you in past her usual kindness.

The longer she scans and the more she writes on her clipboard, the deeper your heart sinks. You start to play with your shirt, running the worn fabric through your fingers. Anxiety bubbles it’s way up as you answer her small questions.

Finally, after what seems like days, she claps her hands together and rests them on the messy clipboard. She looks down at her notes one last time before raising to meet your terrified gaze.

She gives you a weak smile before speaking, “Now, hon, remind me how everything has been going.”

You take a breath and start your story. You begin with how you woke up, unsure and terrified of where you were. Then how kind and loving your husband has been. You tell her, in earnest, how exciting it was to have the first memory. How happy and joyful the two of you were. The shared kisses in glee. And then you tell her about the rest. Memories of your wedding, of your life, of your love. Your face lights up the more you tell. A smile grows wide as you tell every detail you can.

But it only lasts a second, because then you move onto the last month. The pain you felt everyday having to tell him that you, once again, had not remembered anything. You tell her of how excited he looked every time you begin a conversation, a hope you would bring him news of your past life. You tell her how you could only stand there as his eyes softened and his shoulders slightly slumped when you instead brought him news of disappointment.

“And now I’m here.” You finally finish.

She takes one long deep breath, her eyes flickering to look outside the window. Setting the clipboard on the counter, she moves her chair closer to you and reaches out to wrap her hands around your clasped ones.

“Hon…” Her voice already tells you this is news you won’t like, “I’m so sorry.”

Your eyes widen, hoping that she is just sorry for your story. Begging the downtune in her voice to just be from her old age.

“I checked everything, multiple times, and I’ve come with only one answer for you.” She squeezes your hands, giving you one more smile. “You should continue to slowly gain more memories.” She hesitates. “I’m afraid to tell you, but you’ll never fully regain your memories...”

Suddenly everything goes silent. You can see her mouth moving, but you can’t hear her. A piercing ringing blares in your head. Your chest seizes and it’s like you're drowning. You can’t get any air in even though you can feel yourself wheezing. The medic grabs your shoulders as you start to fall forward. You bring one hand to lay where your heart is.

It hurts.

She helps you fall to your knees as you stare down at the floor, trying to ground your body. It feels like hours have gone by and yet it also feels like it’s only been seconds when arms wrap around your frame and the warm familiar scent of your mandalorian fills your nose. Through watery eyes you look up to find his helmet staring at you.

Out of the corner of your eye you see the curtain close and soon your husband's face is revealed to you. His eyes frantically move over your features. Your hands blindly grab hold of whatever they can as you try to tell him you can’t breathe.

He says something to you, but it falls on deaf ears. You grab his hand and place it around your neck, trying to plead with him to help you. He seems to understand as he grabs your face between his hands and leans forward so your vision is filled with him. He breathes in through his mouth and his exhale fans over your skin. Nodding at you he does the same thing. You try to mimic him, breathing in the most air you can even as your body protests. He keeps doing the exercise with you and slowly your breaths become smoother and easier.

Sound starts to come back and you begin to hear his loud inhales and exhales. Closing your eyes, you now realize just how much water falls from them. His thumbs reach for your eyelids and pull them open. “No, don't do that. Stay with me. I can’t see you like that again.”

You can hear him! But why can’t you close your eyes? Your head tilts and he seems slightly shocked that you understood him.

“It’s too similar to that day. Just please, keep looking at me.”

Now that you’ve slightly calmed down, he pulls you sideways into his embrace, settling you on his lap. His arms wrap around you and slowly rock the two of you. Your eyes never leave his own and although you should want to shy away, you don’t.

After a good few minutes of his quiet shushing and comfort, words start to come back to you. “She,” your voice is gruff and scratchy but you need to tell him, “she said I’ll never get them back.”

Now that you’ve said it, it’s all become too real. Your greatest fear now a reality.

“I-...” You gasp as your tears start to fall again. “I’m sorry.”

He looks up towards the ceiling, the hands that were rubbing your arms stop. Great, he hates you.

“I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. That I’m not even half of what I once was.” Your breathing starts to quicken and more tears fall. “You should just leave me. Let me go so you’ll never have to see me again, never have to be reminded of what once was. Or even better, find a new wife. I’m sure Omera would jump at the chance.”

At the sound of her name his head snaps down to look at you.

“I hate to admit it, but the two of you look so good together. She’s perfect for you. All pretty and kind. And she has memories. I’m sure she has lots of them. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.” You hiccup and try to scurry out of his embrace, but his arms hold you still.

“It’s okay, you can let go. I’ll just walk right out that door and we can both go about our lives. You’ll never see me again.”

His hand slowly reaches towards your face, his fingers beneath your chin, lifting your head to look at him. When you do meet his features, you’re met with sorrowful eyes and a small frown. His eyebrows furrow and his own tears fall.

“Never. Never say any of that again.” He leans forwards and touches his forehead to your own. “I don’t ever want you to leave. Just because you will never remember some stuff doesn’t make you any less of who you are. I fell in love with you, not the memories you have.”

He leans forward and presses a kiss to your lips. “You’ve never once disappointed me. And when I look at you I don’t see some old version of you, I see a strong…” with each word he presses a kiss to your lips, “beautiful, smart, woman who I am so lucky to be able to call my wife.”

He leans back so he can look at you. “I don’t ever want to see you leave. If you left me I would have nothing left to live for.” His hand grabs your own and squeezes, “You are my whole life, my whole world cyare. As I have always said to you, ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, par gar cuyir ner kar’ta.”

His fingers trace circles on the back of your hand. “I know you forever. Forever cyare, not when you forget me, not when I get annoyed with you, not even when I want or decide. Forever and always. Until I die, and even after that, I will know you for you are my heart.”

He brings your hand to rest on his chest, above the armor that covers his heart. “You’re here. Right here, nestled and tucked away. You walked into my life and right into here, and if you leave, it’ll just be a big empty promise of what was.”

“Tell me cyare, tell me you understand what I’m telling you. That you understand that I love you more than you could ever believe. That you are never and will never be a disappointment to me.” His eyes flicker over your face as you nod.

“I understand.” Your voice is weak and quiet as you process all he told you. You fall forward and tuck yourself away in his neck. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me even when I’m at my worst.”

“Cyare,” his hands trail up and down your spine in a well oiled motion, “love is not easy. It is made to be tested, to be fought for, and to be weak at times. But it is something that does not die simply. It is everything beautiful and everything painful in this world. It stays with us longer than we could ever desire. Once it has a firm grip, it never let’s go. Just as I will never let go of you. Know that I will always fight for and protect our love.”

You nod as you weep into his shoulder, tears of pain, happiness, and most of all… love.

Because even through all your insecurities and the harsh voices in your head, you know deep down that he loves you.

And you know, that just as he will, you’ll fight for and fiercely protect this love. Since you could never truly let him go.

There is a reason the universe has let you gain back the memories you have. Each one is special and holds a reason. And the biggest reason being to show you that the love the two of you hold is pure and true. Just as when, or if, you ever remember any more, they will be the world’s way of telling you that the two of you are special. The two of you have something that many wish and will try anything for.

Because love is a powerful force.

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Epilogue

Well, there is the finale. Don’t worry- in a few days I’ll have the epilogue posted, but for now... thats it.

Again, I just want to thank everyone who has been reading and rebloging my content. You guys have made my life so much more wonderful.

I love you all so much, Lordy :)

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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years ago

Text

Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 4

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

Finally, after fifteen minutes of staring at her mostly full coffee cup, Mulder tosses both their drinks in the trash and trudges back to the Hoover building. He had plans to work late, but seeing Scully makes focusing on work impossible so he goes home to lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling instead, replaying their one-sided conversation over and over. Upon reflection, he realizes that he didn’t speak a single word to her other than her name. He was paralyzed, his feelings for her in direct conflict with his desire to never again feel the way he felt after she left his apartment that final time. He wishes that he’d asked her what she wanted from him, why she was there.

The phone rings and he rolls off the couch to retrieve it from his desk.

“Hello?”

“Will, I’m surprised you’re home. I was expecting to leave you a message.”

He smiles at the coincidence of Valerie calling him at this exact moment; she always seems to intuit when he needs to hear from her. Like he does with everyone, he had directed her to call him by his last name when they met. She did so for a while, but when things took a turn towards the intimate she informed him that she could not call a man she was sleeping with “Mulder” and sought to find an alternate moniker, Fox being out of the question. He was Maverick for a bit, then Sly, and for a brief moment Doug (he was never clear on the origin of that one). Ultimately, she went with his middle name, William, and finally shortened it to Will.

“Oh, and why’s that? My bustling social calendar?” he retorts, finding his way back to the couch and sitting heavily.

Valerie snorts. “More like your hopeless addiction to work. How are you? It’s been too long.”

Mulder sighs. “I’m...okay.”

“That bad, huh? You wanna talk about it?”

He considers the question. Talking to his ex-girlfriend about another woman seems a bit uncouth. “I’m not sure it’s something you’d want to weigh in on.”

“Girl trouble, then?” she says with a smile in her voice.

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Spill it,” she demands.

He tells her everything, about meeting Scully, about getting to know her, falling in love with her. He spares some of the gory details on their sexual encounter and her visit the next morning. He finishes on seeing her that day, and the reason he begged off work early. This is the most he’s shared with anyone about Scully, The Gunmen being great friends, but not the sort you seek dating advice from. It feels good to get it all out.

“Damn, Will. That’s a lot. Shouldn’t you be happy, though, after seeing her today?” He can hear the crunch of potato chips as she speaks, ever the dedicated snacker.

“It was good to see her in a sense, but it also feels a bit like a step backward. Like I’ve lost progress in the effort to move on.” He’s lying down now, one leg kicked over to rest on the coffee table and Priscilla curled up on his belly.

“I don’t get it,” Valerie says deadpan.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“You’ve been pining over this woman for the better part of a year, and she turns up to tell you she’s single and she realizes that she should have chosen you all along. That’s somewhat of a fairy tale ending, is it not? Aside from the whole cheating-on-her-fiancé-part, I guess.”

“No, Val, she said that getting involved with me was a mistake, which I already knew. If anything she was rubbing it in, which seems uncharacteristically cruel.” He runs a hand down Priscilla’s back and she cracks an irritated eye at him until he stops.

“Oh my god, Will,” Valerie replies, pulling the phone away from her cheek and sighing in exasperation. “You know, for all that fancy education your parents paid for, you’re really dense sometimes.”

“Well then by all means, enlighten me.”

“She said she ignored the signs and made the wrong choice. She’s divorced now. The marriage was the wrong choice, you dolt. That other guy was the wrong choice. The signs were telling her you were the right one.”

Mulder sits up suddenly, Priscilla clinging to his chest in a last-ditch attempt not to get dumped on the floor and piercing his skin painfully. She ends up on the couch beside him.

“How sure are you about that?” he asks, his heart starting to race.

“Pretty damn sure. The way you describe her, she sounds like a thoughtful person. I don’t see what motivation she’d have to reiterate to you that what happened was a mistake; she’d already made that clear in the first go-round. The only reason she’d want to say all that to you is if she realized she was wrong. She wanted to set the record straight, and apologize. Not for what happened with you, but for choosing the other guy.” He can hear the slurp of her eating something like soup in between sentences, the wet smacks making this revelation sound like an offhand comment.

He’s quiet for a long moment, replaying his interaction with Scully today through the lense of her wishing she’d walked away from Ethan, that she’d chosen him. He closes his eyes. Does he dare hope that Valerie is right?

“You still there, Will?” she asks impatiently.

“Yeah, yeah I’m here. I’m just...trying to wrap my head around all this.”

“Well, I gotta run, so hopefully you can do your ruminating solo. I didn’t even get to tell you the reason I called.” He can hear her up and moving about, opening and closing drawers and cupboards.

“Shit, you’re right. Sorry. What’s up?”

“I’m pregnant,” she says, and then waits a beat before adding “it’s not yours, if that’s where your brain is going. We haven’t slept together in almost two years, you may recall.”

“Uh, yeah...yeah I do recall that seeing as I haven’t slept with anyone in almost two years. Are you...should I be offering congratulations? This is a good thing?” He’s hesitant, unsure if they’ve reached a stage of life where a pregnancy is happy news.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing. I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over six months. It wasn’t planned, but we’re excited. The relationship is still pretty new, obviously, but I think I can see myself growing old on a porch swing with him.” There’s a smile in her voice, a dreamy contentedness that makes his chest ache. It’s the reason they broke up, so they might each have a chance at something like this. He hopes he’ll have his chance too.

“That’s great, Val. I’m happy for you,” he says with a tight voice.

“Thanks, Will. Sounds like you found your person, too. You just gotta go out and get her.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

“What does she call you, by the way?”

“She calls me Mulder.”

Valerie laughs softly. “Must be fate.”

———

The days since seeing Mulder have been dreary, both in terms of the weather and her mood. She has already lectured Missy repeatedly over her terrible advice to see him again, opening up fresh wounds and sealing shut doors that she had previously held out hope might open again. The morose look on his face as she admitted that she wished she’d chosen him was a kick to the gut. It was too late, far too late, and he wasn’t able to forgive her. Though it’s what she knows she deserves, it still hurts.

She sits in the clean and quiet autopsy bay, filling out paperwork that she tends to reserve for the end of her days. She’s been working more overtime lately, in no rush to return to an empty apartment and be alone with her thoughts and self recrimination. The idea of dating seems obscene, and yet she can admit that she’s lonely. But not lonely for just anyone; she wants only the one person she knows she will never have.

“Excuse me,” calls out a smooth baritone from behind her, and she turns on her stool to see Mulder there. His charcoal grey suit and white dress shirt stand in contrast against his red tie, one hand in his pocket in an attempt to be casual. The cool bravado she saw in him before is absent, replaced with something vulnerable and raw. She feels adrenaline rush through her limbic system, stealing from her the ability to speak.

“I’m looking for the pathologist on duty,” he continues, and she feels a rock in her gut. He had to come here for work, and see her again. She feels guilty for existing in a space that he is forced to enter.

“I’m the pathologist on duty,” she responds regretfully.

He approaches her cautiously, taking the stool beside her without invitation, and considers her for a moment. With a look of trepidation, he holds out his hand and she gives him a quizzical look.

“Fox Mulder,” he says, his green eyes so earnest and open. There is no anger, no resentment.

“Dana Scully,” she replies, her voice catching as she understands, slipping her hand into his.

They are starting over. A clean slate. A new chance to get it right.

“You don’t look like a Dana,” he says, and there’s just a hint of playfulness in his voice.

She laughs, her mouth smiling while her eyes glaze over with tears. Their hands still clasped, he pulls her close, her stool rolling into the space between his knees as he wraps his arms around her shoulders. She should be embarrassed by this unprofessional display out in the open, but the only feeling she can muster is relief at the smell of his cologne and the press of his chest into her cheek. How many nights has she mourned the loss of this? Hundreds. Perhaps last night will be the final time.

“Would you like to get coffee with me?” he asks against her hair and she laughs again, nodding as her cheek brushes his shoulder. “Are you free now?” he adds.

She pulls back and looks at him, his eyes shining back at her with hope they’d both given up on.

“Yes, I’m free,” she answers.

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #x files #x files fanfic #alternate universe

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