#also I always thought it was in winter for some reason?? idk why though

[edennill]

To all my Muslim followers, have a blessed Eid <3

[elliezlils11utt]

Hiii, first of all, idk if you take requests, but I loved the fic that you did w ellie (the bad idea! One w a girl in red song), so I was wondering if you could do another fic with ellie, but this time based on "I wanna be your girlfriend" by girl in red?

A/N: Hi Hi annon! so first of all I do take requests & Your my first one! Also THANK YOUU????? that fic was so rushed omg. and I love girl in red sm so when i tell u I ran to write this. Also I think that how I view this song and how other people view it is kinda different, so just bare with me on this one. (I pulled this idea outa my ass.)

"I wanna be your girlfriend"- Girl in red. (E.W)

content: You walk your crush home after hanging out with friends. Should you tell her how you feel? or did someone beat you to it? (based off of "I wanna be your girlfriend - Girl in red.)

song link: https://open.spotify.com/track/5PjdC2gMATetx5xdnwGUu7?si=eba1439d3ffd490e

warnings: sfw! none really. loser!ellie? angsty? cussing? idk.

proofread: nope! (sorry babes!!)

You all sit bundled up in comfy coats. The crisp winter air whistling in the wind while you and your friends laugh up a storm. Your eyes find this one girl's eyes immediately though. Ellie Williams. You and Ellie had been friends for years. Friends. Keyword. Its not like you ever thought there was a chance you and Ellie could even be anything more than that. Maybe it was just a wish? She's perfect. Ugh that sounds like such a cliche. And maybe it is. But as Ellie sits here rambling on about some girl that was madly in love with her, you can't help but admire her every move. 

“Hey, are you listening?” 

“Yeah- uh sorry.” You can't tell if your ears are red because you're embarrassed, or because it's cold asf outside. 

“So this girl, cat. Everyone keeps telling me she likes me. But I don't know.” 

“I mean, I would just go talk to her right?” This is fucking painful. Giving your crush girl advice was not at the top of your to-do list today.

“Yeah, I guess you're right.” her hands fumble at her fingers, toying with her nails to keep her fingers busy. She always did this and you found it so cute. 

“Hey guys, I think we are going to head out. Jesse wants to ‘netflix and chill’ if you know what I mean.” Dina says, hooked to her boyfriend's arm. And boy did you know what she meant. Jesse and Dina were always sucking each other's faces off. Its a merical you havent seen them fully fuck in public. (and trust, there have been times they got close to it.)

“Sure yeah! You guys have fun.” you respond, giving them a sweet smile as a farewell. And now here you are, Alone, With ellie. Oh fuck. You're alone with Ellie now. Okay so let's rephrase this. You and Ellie had been friends for years… With the company of Dina and jesse. You guys never really spent time alone together. Your friendship just wasn't like that. And plus you were always too much of a pussy to say anything. You got so nervous whenever you were around her alone. Just like you were now.

“It's getting late, I should start back home.” Her hand plays with the back of her ear while she talks. You notice that she only did that when she was nervous. Why would she be nervous right now? 

“Yeah definitely! I could walk you home, yk if you wanted me to.” 

“Yeah, I would like that.” As much as you hated being alone with Ellie, you loved spending time with her. Even if she didn't see you like that. It was just nice to be around her. To be in her presence. That fluffy little feeling you get in your stomach when she says your name is worth the nervousness. Watching the way her eyes light up as she talks about her favorite video games or comic books, is worth the nervousness. As you guys walk to Ellie's apartment, you talk about anything under the sun. The conversation just seems to flow. Fuck, another reason to fall in love with her. (as if you weren't already) You didn't want to pretend you wanted to be her friend any longer. Because the truth is. You don't wanna be her friend, you wanna kiss her lips. 

“You're a really good friend, you know that?” She turns to look at you as you approach her apartment. ‘Friend.’ Just another reminder on how she thinks of you. Just a friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. And that will probably never change. You are fully convinced you and Ellie were meant to just be friends. 

“Mhm yeah, you deserve it ellie.”

“I mean it though. How'd I get so lucky with you, huh?” You giggle, as if that comment didn't just set your heart on fire. Your eyes find her lips. The icy air makes your breath visible. The same breath you wanted to be lost in a kiss with ellie. You wanna kiss her until you lose your breath. As you and Ellie walk up the steps of her complex you contemplate telling her how you feel. Tell her how you think about her. Beg her to just look at you the same. And just as you are about to spill your feelings out, Ellies phone rings. 

“Sorry its cat, I gotta take this. Thanks for walking me home though! See you Friday?”  And with that you're left at the steps of her home. Watching as she gets all giddy to talk to another girl. A girl that's not you. And that never will be. You and Ellie will never be more than friends. Even if you wanna be her girlfriend. With teary eyes you wave goodbye while her back is faced to you. Watching her walk away without a proper goodbye. This can't be real. It's all just a dream. Your heart shatters. Completely. You knew that You and Ellie would never date. But thats confirmation just fucked you over. You lose your breath.

A/n: This is so bad and i feel like shit bc its my first ask. But uh. Enjoy? When i think of "girl in red" I think of heartbreak so no fic based off a "girl in red" song is going to end happy:D

[acotarmemes]

ACOTAR tweets + headcanon // OBGYM

This is less of a meme and more of a headcanon for the Twitter AU. It's been on my mind for a while; I really wanted to do something with the Valkyries (and to explain their absence on Twitter). They've been working hard to get this off the ground.

I haven't actually thought of the Illyrian culture for this AU, so I'm just going with whatever SJM did for them. I do wish it had more depth/nuance, but I'll save that for fics 🙂

I believe that Nesta would have busted her ass and used her position of privilege to get the support/financial backing for this idea.

OBGYM -- the branding is meant to deter ignorant males who think 'ew, female private parts'. The branding/pun actually came from Cassian who's really good at making gym puns (as you'll see in the tweets below).

The gym is a front for a women's shelter. Politically, I imagine that Rhysand can't openly do something like this without risking losing his army, but I've always imagined him as cunning so he would absolutely help Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn to get this going. If any of the Illyrian lords question him, he says his hands are tied as this is a private institution + I'm sure he would have worked out a good deal in terms of money going back into Windhaven so it makes it hard for the War Lords to complain because idk capitalism? Idk how it works dude, I don't think Windhaven has formal permits and all that.

The seven donors are the High Lords, naturally. Eris, yet again, swooping in on behalf of Beron who wouldn't care about this shit so the donation was from his personal funds on behalf of Autumn which is why Autumn is not listed as open for visiting. Winter is not included even though Vivienne pushed hard for this, I always imagined Kallias has struggling to be open again after UTM (or in this AU, some type of trauma). They will soon, though! Vivienne is currently working on opening a sister OBGYM in Winter Court.

Part of the donations includes clothes from other courts.

I also want Mor to open an OBGYM in Hewn City, too. After she becomes Mayor, ofc. Another reason why she's got no time to tweet 😂

The "protein/snack" bar is actually a full kitchen.

How else do you move an army into a politically tricky situation? THEY'RE JUST WORKING OUT, BRO 💯

Vela-LIFT (a pun on Velaris hehe) is opening their gym exactly at the same time as OBGYM, if not earlier.

Cassian's army has a lot of Illyrians who moved from serving their War Lords to working with Cassian directly; sharing the same mindframe as their general, I feel like Cassian's Illyrian soldiers would go above and beyond to help protect OBGYM from those who disagree.

The outdoor gym is specifically so Cassian's longtime members can keep an eye on OBGYM, hopefully making Illyrian women who come and go feel safe that there are trusted, vetted males (by the Valkyries) nearby. Anyone tries to mess with OBGYM? Well, they're about to find out how easily a 45lbs plate can be thrown like a frisbee at a head 😂

This may be one of my super far off canon headcanons, but as a gymrat, in my experience, the largest, scariest dudes at the gym are always the nicest. Maybe not the brightest--I had to steer a guy into the correct changing room this morning, he was so lost it was sweet--but super kind. This is the perspective I'm approaching this with, SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR CASSIAN'S GYM MOTIVATIONS 🔥

If you have any questions, or headcanons you'd like to know about (or my Twitter AU version of them), feel free to jump into my ask box.

If this wasn't for you, that's okay, the Twitter AU exists in multiple shapes and forms, as you've seen from the different ships happening at once 😂

cassian's icon is by @copypastus

[dangerously-human]

@cakeyouareoh tagged me recently to answer some questions that ended up being a delicious way to procrastinate this afternoon, ta-da!

1. The last podcast you listened to? with reasons.

Not a podcast girlie; I never choose to listen to them. So it was probably a true crime podcast while former work bff was driving us somewhere.

2. what was the last fanfic you read? What did you like about it?

Nomen Proprium by FallenSoFar

I am fascinated by all that can be said about shifting roles, relationships, and identities via names. Also, even though the Sparky is implied, and only technically at the end, it suffuses the whole thing anyway. A delicious Sparktober nibble!

3. Your favorite discord server?

I'm not super active in the actual servers I'm in, but the sickos group chat is always a joy. 💖

4. open pinterest and show the first thing it recommends you!

Oof, I'm like never on Pinterest anymore since it became all but unusable, so this'll be a throwback...

Okay, well, tattoo inspiration is what I've historically used Pinterest for most, so that's fair.

5. If you’re comfortable, show me something from your notes app!

First up is a smattering of thoughts I meant to marshall into a proper Tumblr post eventually and just haven't gotten around to yet:

As a bonus, here's a bit of a preview for a fic I'm planning to write eventually:

6. Show us who you last gave a like to on Tumblr! And why?

Gorgeously haunting winter art!

7. Show us a picture that's in your gallery that you are proud off/like/are comfortable sharing.

My beautiful stupid little man feeling territorial over my new travel backpack.

8. final question, what was the last YouTube video you watched?

Oh, idk, something ASMR to fall asleep to at some point this week.

No-pressure tagging @hiddenvioletsgrow and @justjudethoughts 💕

[utilitycaster]

I'm so kdhdkdjdkd jazzed about the fjorester proposal !!!! But something that popped up pretty immediately that baffled me was these like... cope posts i guess? Of how "beau and jester should cheat leaving their partners for eachother and how dw guys marriage is just going to spice up the inevitable affair" and it's not even treated as a joke and Im just confused? Like i got into cr2 by the time it was over with so idk what it was like waiting for releases, but why after all this time do people hold on as much as they do? Do they like the story or not?

So I will be totally honest: I am not above checking the blogs of those I know hold terrible opinions, for a number of reasons both reasonable (keeping an eye out for potential harassment; inspiration for meta; my genuine enjoyment of analyzing fandom trends) and less so (schadenfreude and sending DMs that say Can You Believe This Idiot) but I actually have not seen this! To be clear, I would not be surprised it was out there - heaven knows this was a refrain during late Campaign 2 and in the leadup to the two-shot - but I thought that most people finally gave up in late 2022 after the two-shot made it clear the existing relationships are still very much in place. Granted I, as always, rarely go on Twitter.

Anyway. I think some of it is just that people whose enjoyment of works hinges on their ships becoming canon, rather than that being one of many facets to their fandom, also tend to not know when to give up just generally (you can look around this website and still find people hopping mad and/or pining for resolution regarding shows that ended before Campaign 2 even started). I think most of them did finally give up and leave, which is probably healthier for both them and the fandom, but there will probably be a dwindling number of holdouts who will gasp out on their deathbed fifty years hence "Beau and Jester should have been together" to a politely confused hospice nurse.

To actually answer your question, no, they do not like the story. I know I've been very hard on people who seem to only be able to enjoy fiction through a lens of either shipping or intense projection of the self onto existing characters, but in my defense, I'm right. This is a whole separate post, which to be honest I've kind of already made several times, but the usual complaint about the Campaign 2 noncanon ships (echoed in the complaints about Campaign 3 primarily by those who do like the canon ships thereof) was that they would have happened and been flawless and perfect but for that Pesky Plot, ie, the story. Unless the entire point of a story is a romance (eg: the genre that is cleverly titled "Romance") romance is always optional.

I also think, to be honest, Campaign 2 attracted people who were patient. This is a good thing! I think that, for example, people who are not entirely feeling Campaign 2 13 episodes in are valid, because I was similarly enjoying myself but not entirely won over by the plot yet, and it was only a combination of that patience and the burgeoning character dynamics that kept me going (plus the fact that watching week to week is a lower commitment than a binge). Granted I think if you fully give up at that point you are weak and will not survive the winter and should probably go watch Michael Bay movies or Bluey, but that's a separate point. Anyway. Some people are patient beyond a point where it is rewarding or even neutral and pass into a realm of showing up to the Story That Has Fjorester and Beauyasha In It muttering "I hope this doesn't have any fucking Fjorester and Beauyasha". I don't know how to help them, nor do I particularly want to, but I do know that not going on Twitter has been super helpful.

One final note: again, haven't seen the thing you mention in your ask yet in relation to this one-shot and not for lack of poking around Tumblr at least; but I have seen people who were deeply bitter about Campaign 2 but are still around for Campaign 3, though not a ton, and this was also frankly true of people who loved Campaign 1 and have not really cared since but still stick around. There's a weird zombie problem in the fandom; you get people who are very invested in being a fan of Critical Role and can't seem to leave, but haven't actually been happy for literal years, either because they were ultimately only fans of Vox Machina, or the Mighty Nein, or a specific ship within that. It is actually something I try to be cognizant of because I was very cautious about becoming that during the stretch when I was more frustrated by Campaign 3 than I am now. I think, ultimately, it's a conflation of one's fandom with one's external identity and I don't know how that happens or how to fix it but that might also be a factor: people who really don't like the show and haven't for years and are grasping at a thing they think would fix that and make them happy again, and refuse to admit it might be time to move on because that would mean they need to change their conception of themselves.

[yae-energy]

╰┈─✩ ˚ ‧ random thoughts : 2 ‧ ˚

✧˖° synopsis : more random hc’s cause why not (the manga is crushing my soul)

✧˖° cast and crew : yuta okkotsu, maki zenin

.ᐟ content warnings : cursing (cause when am i not)

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ authors note : idk yall i just wanted to post 😭 i got at least 3 more ideas i wanna do.

~

yuta <3

- really good at math for absolutely no reason at all, mental math specifically cause istg this man is like a fucking calculator

- was a nightcore kid (BADDDDDDDLYYY)

- used to be a really big harry potter fan for a while

- loves musicals. like, LOVES musicals

- will say a lot of stuff ironically to the point where it actually becomes unironic and it annoys everybody to hell and back. but he genuinely cannot stop 😭

- vocal stims with the most annoying tiktok audios

- loves carrots and hummus and doesn’t like celery

- he love’s halloween and always matches costumes with inumaki

- his biggest pet peeves are gum popping and squeaky noises. like he will genuinely get so pissed off if he hears either of those things

- is really good at board games & card games, like he’ll really whoop your ass in some uno tbh (which is why no one plays with him) and pls don’t let him get his hands on them draw 4’s or it’s absolutely over for everybody. (and it’s even worse if they’re playing train. like he loses friends afterwards)

*before each turn he’s like “😬 sorry guyssss” (he’s in fact, not sorry)

*also is unnecessarily good at monopoly, like he racks up all the properties so quickly and everyone always thinks he’s cheating

- has really bad eczema (mainly gets it on his neck and it’s reallyyyyyy bad in the winter)

—

maki <3

- lactose (and still consumes dairy but like…at what cost girlie ☹️)

*also has horrible indigestion

- likes strawberries but hates strawberry flavored things. do NOT give her no strawberry flavored NOTHING or she will fight you

- is a sparkling water enjoyer (inumaki and panda clown her for this everyday and have been since they met her)

- doesn’t like bananas, she has a visceral HATRED for them i tell you. nobody knows why either but that’s just the way it is.

- COFFEE LOVERRRR (loads that shit up with creamer and sugar)

- loves doing crossword puzzles (and puzzles in general)

- really good at chess and ESPECIALLY checkers (she’s just really good at most games tbh, she doesn’t know how either)

- her glasses are always dirty LMAO (same girlie, same)

- really likes baseball, like really really likes it 😭

- adding onto the coffee one: she is an ice coffee FANN. everytime she’s mad one of the second years brings her an iced coffee and she’s completely ok again.

- she’s a dnd girlieeee !!! and she plays with yuta and inumaki when they all have time

- hates reading anything because she just doesn’t feel like it (and she’s impatient) so she gets yuta to read it for her 😭

- is one of those people where if you ask her to do something she’ll instantly say no but do it anyways 💀

- really good at mimicking people’s voices and copying signatures (like it’s actually terrifying)

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ tags : @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @zairene @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses @chinieh @romiantic @stqrriichiigo

if you wish to be tagged in any future works, here’s my tag form to fill out <33

if you wish to submit a request, here’s my ask box :)

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ closing notes : took wayyyyy longer than i needed to finish this ! (just the life of being an adhd girlie 😋‼️) but pt.2 to this will come out shortly

also notice how i cannot SHUT THE FUCKKK up about these two like they did NOT need to be this long, do i care though? not really !!

now i’m onto these fuck ass tags 🙄

anyhow, love y’all 🫶🏽

update as of posting : it did take me over a month to post this i won’t lie…mb 😭

- xoxo, yves <3

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

your takes are interesting bc i always read it as his desire being fake and pure manipulation.

That’s totally fair! I think manipulation plays in strongly, of course, but I think that’s not mutually exclusive from the Darkling being genuinely into her.

I feel like the narrative draws a distinct line between when he’s completely playing a part and when the desire is more genuine and I think the latter is characterized by some bitterness, definitely cruelty, and sometimes an undercurrent of violence (he sucks!)

Like when they kiss by the lake in the first book and he’s like “I don’t know why I care what you think, but I do 🥺🥺” that is 100% play acting lol

Oh you didn’t mean? This was completely unplanned? Sure Jan.

Comparatively I think the Winter Fete makeout scene is a little more dubious. I think him ignoring her for a bit after kissing her that first time, then suddenly paying a lot of attention to her is of course a deliberate ploy. And he’s obviously trying to seduce her and overwhelm her to a purpose.

But taking into account how he’s tried to present himself through the first half of SaB, or even in the Tailor, the impression he seems to want is like nice and reasonable and personable. So the angry vibe in that scene feels very counter to his typical playbook!

This is also where we get what I would argue is his character thesis.

This is definitely a value and perspective he actually holds, he’s not lying to her about that, in that moment. Manipulation or not. And I feel like this isn’t really a statement that gels with his persona? Like he doesn’t want to come across as the thousand year old evil wizard whose starved himself of all emotion and feeling until he’s a withered husk of a person, who in his own single mindedness keeps shooting himself in the foot wrt fairly attainable goals just because he doesn’t understand things like compassion, moderation, or common sense anymore. He’s pretending to be a spry and youthful centenarian who’s totally in touch with his feelings and soooo with the times, guys, he’s sooooo normal and down to earth. I digress.

But my point is that I don’t think he’s entirely behaving in a way that’s conducive to the front he’s been putting up! My interpretation is that the stag news has jarred him enough that he’s acting somewhat genuinely.

When Alina somehow (I don’t understand how this fucking works because it implies that it’s magical, not her just getting a vibe???) senses that he’s angry I think that’s also genuine. Like he basically says that he’s annoyed that he’s not planning the hunt for the stag like a goddamn adult and is instead making out with her in a random back room. And I think that’s… basically true, though he def seems to try to spin it as like making her feel special because he wants to make out with her that bad. When in reality (imo!) it really has nothing to do with her as a person at all, he’s just that hot and bothered at the thought of this thing he’s been pursuing for so long finally being within reach.

I think it’s telling that in the descriptions of them kissing he seems shdgdd pretty focused on her neck. He’s 100% having weird ass fantasies about the collar— which isn’t something she’s really in on, or quite grasps the significance of? So it’s not really a performance for her?

Idk! I just think that scene’s a good example of manipulation and genuine interest going hand in hand.

Post villain reveal, another case of “this doesn’t seem particularly aimed at Alina as an audience” imo is this bit, also from the first book:

First of all this scene is so fucking insane. (Not pictured: him making her beg for Mal’s life directly above this and being creepy about the collar.)

But this is a situation where Alina has told him that she’s willing to do everything he wants, if he spares Mal. That’s her one stipulation for submitting completely. He does not do that! In fact he goes out of his way to be as cruel as possible.

So considering that he is NOT softening his behavior for her at all, I feel like the narrative/Alina noticing longing is meant to be accurate. (My reading of it is that he’s tempted by her offer but wanting is weakness so lol he’s going to tank it immediately because being affected at all like that is scary to him) And again when he kisses her like, she is not happy about it! She does not want him to be kissing her! He knows that! So it’s presumably because he wants to, and whether that’s about power or desire… yes.

I fully agree that most of the saccharine stuff he says later on in the series (“I’ve seen who you truly are and I’ve never looked away” “You could make me a better man 🥺”) are just blatant lies sjdhfd I do not think he remotely believes them!

This instance in S&S is interesting though because it’s another juncture (imo!) where he is trying to manipulate her but is also kind of being genuine:

(LOL dismissive wave “I do not careee about your puppy love”)

He’s like “You are lonely because you’re seventeen and without much of any support system and miserable bc this power has separated you from all of your peers. Eye am lonely because I am one thousand years old and haven’t allowed myself to feel a single emotion since I was twelve. We totally relate ☺️”

Those two things are very much not the same! And I cannot imagine him not knowing that lol. But yeah, he’s simultaneously not in any other way trying to soften himself for her or try to convince her of his side of things. He seems completely willing to just forcibly drag her through whatever plan he has for completing the Amplifier set and using that for his random world domination plan? So just *generally* when he’s trying to manipulate her, post villain reveal, about how they’re Meant To Be and how only he understands her, I think that’s just with the aim of seducing her as opposed to seducing her itself being a means to an end?

[cock-ainee]

You know what imma tell you all?

I once had my first friend. It was uhh, 5th grade of primary school? Previously, i was friendly with almost everybody.

At first she was annoying me. She was always sticking to me and i had no idea why. Only later we started talking and became friends. But it wasn't long, until another friend joined us. And for some time, it still was fine.

Then there was covid... And it was the worst shit that could've ever happened to me. When we finally came back to school i was more closed off than ever. But i still had my friends, right? So i thought.

Sometime later they both went on a trip during winter holidays. I couldn't go, so they took a girl from another class. And when they came back, that's when it started. They completely ignored me most of the time. They were just talking among them three. Well, there was also one more girl that joined at some point. And i was thrown away like a piece of trash. They were always walking down the hallways together while i walked behind them like a loser. They always sat together, leaving me alone. But when i ignored them, of course there was a problem.

I cut off all contact with them after we finished school. Because i was sure i'm going to find more real friends in high school.

A bit before that.. like, exactly 31st of december, 2022 somebody texted me (i had a Gojo pfp on fb and his name was Sukuna) and we started talking. In a really short period of time we became good friends. But with time, he started being dry. He barely texted me, until he completely cut me off, not responding to my messages at all.

One of the most hurtful situations, which literally made me cry, was when i agreed to give my friend my phone. To text him. She was texting him (as me) some sexual kind of stuff (idk we often did that, also in rp) and after i told him it was her, he said something like "could you give me her fb? She seemed cool".

In the end i think he sensed i wasn't really happy with what he said, so he gave up, but it was already there, right?

Well, high school. I was so nervous, because i was afraid of talking with people. And during my first lesson, i talked with a girl. She seemed so genuinely nice, and i felt relieved that i was somehow able to talk with her. After that, she introduced me to her friend. I was sad, because i thought that i won't have a chance to befriend her, since she already has a friend. But as time went on we started talking more and more, and they kind of separated. And she was MY friend. Well, SHE IS my friend. The best, most perfect one i could've ever got. Because that's my @beeksana !!!!

At the end of grade 1, some people from the class started being petty towards me for no reason. Then there was a tiny drama in class (not about me but i helped one of the girls there) and well, summer holidays. When we came back in september, it was a nightmare.

I was alone. Totally alone, and didn't talk to anybody. I skipped school a lot because i couldn't handle being there. Then i was absent a lot because of the winter conditions, and i missed a lot of exams. I csme back to school later though. And i had so much things piled up, i was so fucking scared. I knew it was partly my fault, but i just couldn't handle it. I skipped school again, but for a few weeks until they called my mom to school.

And during that period, i talked with my other "friend" and my cousin. The friend was a class higher than me, and i knew her from primary school. I introduced her to my cousin and they befriended each other too. But the friend has TONS of other friends. And she drinks alcohol on any occassion she gets. I never liked that.

Well, while i talked to them, instead of giving me any support, they started scolding me. Or rather my cousin was scolding me and the friend agreed like the fucking npc she is. They thought i skipped school because i was fucking lazy?? They didn't think at all how i felt mentally, especially with the hell i have at home. I told them to go fuck themselves and left them. And you know what?? I don't feel like i lost something valuable. I don't miss them. If somebody doesn't support you, then fuck them!!

And lately, i was bickering with one of my online friends which is on my kny rp group. She started calling Sanemi ugly or some shit, so i started insulting Douma (her fav character) and she got all petty. What was she fucking thinking?? She wasn't talking to me for some time anyways, and she expected me to not defend Sanemi, who comforted me more than she ever did, even though he doesn't exist???

I told her that "If Sanemi was real i'd have better chances with him than you'd do with Douma, because he strictly likes beautiful women." She got all angry, left all the groupchats, deleted my nick on our private chat and yeah. Left. And i don't think i feel any different too.

So now irl i have one person. And so what? One is better than 10 fucking liars. And so, really, you all - if somebody isn't being right with you, just leave them. You'll save yourself the trouble.

So yes Beebee, FUCK UBER 😈

[batsplat]

i just remember something i meant to ask ages ago but why did Valentinos relationship with Honda end so bad like was he already wanting to switch bike for the 2004 season or was he happy to stay at Honda if things didn't go sideways. Cause I know why he left Yamaha for Ducati, i just haven't found definite sources and reasoning for his Honda to Yamaha switch. (also while i'm here I am going to start a vale career watch once I finish Marcs (upto 2019 atleast i dont think im ready for the honda dark years just yet so i'll make myself feel a little better by watching Vale who will also be joined by Dani, Jorge and Casey)) so excited to watch caseys 2007 season when I get to it, i'm Australian and i've always been aware of him i saw an advert of his on my train the other day so that was fun this ask got so sidetracked sorry, but i'm definalty going to go over your race rec tag but i'll probably just end up watching whole seasons cause i like having the context of things if something in a previous race is going to set up tension in later races.

okay, so this is MOSTLY covered in the sete post. which I understand is a bit long lol so I'll try and give the sparknotes version here. he was getting kinda miserable at honda! winning felt too routine... the way he frames it is that he didn't feel like honda particularly appreciated his efforts and thought it was mostly just their bike doing the trick, not the rider. he talks about it in this autobiography excerpt - he felt like nobody was really getting enthusiastic about his victories anymore, that it was just expected of him, and honda didn't really give a shit if it was him or someone else doing the winning. throw in the press who were also giving him a tough time in early 2003... it just wasn't fun anymore. valentino needs stimulation, he needs challenges, he wants to feel like he's part of a team and he wants to feel loved by that team (and love them in return). it's partly an ego thing and partly just... a question of passion. winning felt too easy and it felt like it had lost his meaning - like it was just a job

and y'know, yamaha did actively court them. which even valentino at the beginning was deeply sceptical of... even though he already felt dissatisfied with honda over the winter of 2002-03, switching to another manufacturer just felt like competitive suicide. he was also being courted by ducati - and even though it doesn't seem like he seriously considered that, until quite late in the season it looked like he might go any of three ways. iirc ducati was willing to throw a particularly obscene amount of money his way lol. but in the end, valentino felt that ducati would be much like honda in their disconnect from its riders and their refusal to listen to them (gosh, could someone not have read his own words back to him in 2010). yamaha was willing to build their whole team around him... and it was also just a special challenge. it'd be something new!! valentino isn't really built for easy domination I reckon, like he just has a trigger in his brain every 2-3 years that starts making him a bit restless idk

and yeah, I always think watching full seasons is well worth it!! there's some seasons that really live and die by the complete storylines, the sense of tension and build-up - especially the first half of 2003, 2004, 2006 and 2008 don't work anywhere near as well without context I reckon. and obviously I'm a massive casey fan... though I will warn you that for reasons entirely unrelated to casey, there is a massive drop-off in average race quality between 2006 and 2007 lol. I'm actually intending to go back over the winter break and fix up my casey race recs list because it was the first I did and quite casual when compared to the later ones - I thought I could do that one without consulting my notes, which in retrospect was a bit high on the hubris and I feel like I want to do that one justice. casey's actually already a really fun presence in 2006!! it doesn't show as much in the results because he'd often drop back or crash, but you see quite a lot of him - including the first few fights with valentino. he has a very pedro-like rookie season if you want a cheap and easy comparison... results are a bit worse on paper but the vibe is quite similar, including the spectacular early season form that trailed off for various reasons. but I do have a lot of fondness for 2007, even if it has some absolute howlers. qatar, mugello, catalunya, assen, donington and estoril the highlights as I recall. still wish we'd gotten casey/valentino with a continuation of the 2006 engine regs and just like. dogfights galore featuring those two... but on the plus side, I suppose laguna 2008 wouldn't have hit quite as hard if it hadn't been such a contrast to everything else happening during that time

[toxickeyboard]

I’m sorry that I am posting so much, I just really like talking about this silly little game.

Okay so, y’know like, Meredith Ward? And how she kinda just died? Okay so, for some reason I’ve always visualized it as like, John and Meredith alone in a wooden cabin (idk exactly why that’s where they are, I just guess they live there?), and Meredith is like, laying in bed, and John is standing next to her. And then she just dies, and that’s it, she’s just dead now. Also I feel like the cabin was in a forest/woods and it was during winter/fall.

I also really like the idea that John tried to help her but couldn’t (mainly cause he was a kid and also cause he just couldn’t), I feel like he tried getting medicine for her and things like that, but also tried praying and stuff.

Idk just little brain thoughts about the funny guy and his dead mom.

I really wanna give her a design but I’m not great at drawing. Idk. I’ll try.

Btw y’know those lil’ things people will have in their tags where it’s like “[name] rambles” or “my art”? I think I should have one of those, idk what it’d be though, since my online name is just kinda silly. Idk.

[away-ward]

In my understanding this tiktok video (https ://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLt7AAgE/) literally is how will grayson treat other women that's not emory scott, including his initial stages of escort-fuck buddy-friendship thing with alex, and his character as a man and his relationship turns me off so bad, that i rooted less for him each time he appeared on page as i lose my respect towards how he treats women in general. Like we knew Michael and Damon were shit, but they both ADMITTED to it, but Will was always labelled as "amazing" and all good things, but his character was like THAT? Nah. The same goes with alex when she used others to hurt aydin, idk i find men, women, MCs & FMCs like them so icky, so i especially hate reading about fictional characters with these traits. What i hate about alex was that she could've been like emmy where she would've beenjust jealous n her head, and not humiliate or touch her physically to put her down, but alex literally just proves the stereotype of fighting over a dumb guy with an innocent woman. I disliked that banks and rika fight in hideaway for the same reason too. I can understand where they came from, but i fucking hated it. I hate it even more when other female reader cheered them on for it. I hated the will/damon/aydin jealousy scenes with a passion too. In fact, I would usually avoid these scenes in romance books if i can, because authors spent so much time wasting their talents on scenes of characters being jealous for other LIs, than building ACTUAL happiness & chemistry between them. I couldn't avoid this trope for this book especially, because i was never warned that the trope "other men/women drama" with a touch of "treating non-Love Interest like shit" trope were so fucking bad in Nightfall, it just ruins everything about Will for me.

Personally though, i'm not a big fan of both alex and will, and even though i know you're not very fond of alex too, i think based on one of your older asks about willalex's relationship, you described your understanding of alex's place in will's life differently than i would have. I don't have any problems with differing opinions though. I feel like you saw and put a lot more importance of alex's presence in will's life more than i did, or even will did. It's interesting how we interpret characters, because while i can agree with some of your interpretations of them, i have a very opposite opinion with the others. I also always thought it was kinda sad that for someone who was "close" to will, alex was the one who always "seems" to care more about will, than the other way around. But it's not like her care matters so much, because it still doesn't change will for the better, he only just got less lonely, but was still very self-destructive. For me, even though i knew that alex was a friend and family to will, and is automatically important to him for that, i never saw any hint that she was THAT important to Will personally, even off-page, like how you described in that willalex friendship post. Idk, maybe it's just me.

Because just like damon who had an exception towards winter, will too had an exception towards emmy, where he used everything he can as long as they're not emmy. So his relationship with alex too wasnt always sincere or deep, they only bonded through shallow things which then after one or two years of casual friendship, made them mirrors of each other's pain (or so they thought, they're shallow people, i can't always take their observations seriously), so i cant see why people fawn or get mad over their relationship too much. The fact that will couldn't get any friends outside of the horsemen if they're not their friends' girls, escorts, people he can pay with money, or people of similar status with him, even with all his status and privilege, already tells a lot about his classist and shallow personility. I kinda understand though being friends with people of the same class, since it's easier to get along with people who gets you immidiately without feeling like you're being judge for it, but still. The more that i think about this side of him too, the lesser i like him.

Idk, and that's the thing, when i read nightfall, i couldn't enjoy willemmy's story, because willemmy was busy destroying themselves and each other, then continue to go back to being jealous of the other, while always letting others intervene their relationship. Even when they had time alone, they always had to involve some third parties in their relationship, which pisses me off so much. It's one thing when people kept on meddling in their relationship, but it's another thing for them to drag others in it, just because they were immature, couldnt handle their feelings like mature adults. Their problems had existed way before alex and aydin got between them. We get the gist already if emory was a stronger woman, so i'm not gonna talk about her, but will. Ah, will, that useless fuck of a character, a character who no one calls him out for his shit. Now, If Will Grayson was a stronger man, Alex Palmer will never be able to slap Emory Scott. The only reason why his friends can treat emmy like shit was because Will lead them by example, just like how the horsemen initially didnt respect rik because michael humiliate him by example. Weak men are truly a fucking disease. Will humiliated and set a standard to how emmy deserves to be treated first, in front of stranger, classmates, and friends, i can't always blame others to not intervene or when emmy had to fight alone, because will grayson, when it matters, never really stood up for emmy. Even in high school he only did when it was for petty shit. The same thing happened when he humiliated her in front of everyone in the train, and letting emmy being insulted again by alex before that orgy. Idk, it's such a cruel thing, he was just as mean as emmy, but it was always overlooked by others. Will grayson is such a turn off for me fr, i can never see myself being attracted to a man or a book boyfriend like him tbh. Damon would never let anyone treats Winter like that, not even her own sister, even though HE was worse for her at first, and this comes from a damon hater alright. Nightfall made me so disappointed of will, i almost skipped nightfall's epilogue and his pov in firenight, if not for emmy's crumbs. All of that drama and pain because he was a pussy.

I hink i really agree with one of your older damon slander asks that said something about hating to read about whiny incompetent male characters, and it's probably not just because of my moral or personality, but also because we had enough of these men in reality! I dont want to escape reality only to find men like the horsemen in stories i read. Will grayson could've been like christian from the made series, but no, he was the walmart version of him.

Idk idc, will grayson didnt do it for me. Anyway, if you want a morally better and ACTUAL loyal pining of ACTUAL mean girl x sunshine amazing characters, i recommend you and your followers The Losers series by Harley Laroux. It's devil's night, but fucking amazing. It's reverse harem though, so if you're not into it then maybe you can just skip it. The main character jessica, was everything that pd wished rika or alex were and would be. Literally. Jessica was THE it girl, and she embraced it. This series was about going over the edge too, and be true to yourself, and just exploring topics of kinks, shame, vulnerability, love, friendships, identity, career, desire, etc. and everything amazing i could think of. Thats all.

I tried to find the tiktok but the link didn’t go anywhere/said the video was unavailable. If you manage to find it again, or one similar, feel free to send it through.

I mean, it’s easy to sit here and say I wish the series had been done differently. There’s plenty I would change in the development of the characters, but there’s only so much I can do before I overhaul everything and start with something new. In that case, wouldn’t I just be using PDs framework/bones to build my own story? But then, aren’t a lot of the series/books in this genre (especially on KU) just made from the same bones? Built on the same or very similar idea? It’s true that there’s nothing new under the sun, but where does inspiration end and stealing begin?

This is all just to say I understand where you’re coming from.

Taking Will out of the super special box I’ve placed him in, examining him without rose-colored glasses, Will’s nothing. Less than nothing, really. He’s not good, he’s not kind, he’s not all that funny. Adding to that, all of these characters, with a few exceptions, are underdeveloped and inconsistent. I wanted more from the mysteries that PD posed, and I wanted more from the “bad guys for a good reason” vibe. What we got was a bunch of immature and messy characters acting like they knew what they were doing, but in reality really proved that privilege can give you a lot of blind spots. DN could have been done better. I’ve never denied that.

If you hate when authors use jealousy as motivation this much, then I can see why you were frustrated reading the series. For a group of people who were about freely experiencing the world with no limitations, and openly shared their S.O.s with their friends occasionally, they sure were jealous a lot. But you know… people get jealous. People also react out of anger and do stupid stuff for reasons that I can’t understand. So I won’t say that Alex should have been like Emmy because Emmy’s reaction was one that I could understand and relate to. Because there are real people who have reacted like Alex. What I didn’t like is that PD framed it as though Emmy was wrong and Alex was right. The reality is that neither of them should have been framed as the superior one. Emmy wasn’t perfect, I just understood her better.

I can see why Will was ruined for you. Like I’ve said before, by the end of NF I was ready to scrap the whole series, save for the past scenes where I agree with the portrayal of his character, and wipe my hands clean.

I feel like you saw and put a lot more importance of alex's presence in will's life more than i did, or even will did.

Honestly, I never saw Alex as important until Nightfall tried to convince us she was. But since that’s the narrative it served us, I tried to examine from that perspective. Why is Alex here? Why is she even relevant? The easy answer is that PD pushed that narrative. But removing that, just analyzing what the story is, and what are we left with? Making it make sense is what I'm trying to do.

I also always thought it was kinda sad that for someone who was "close" to will, alex was the one who always "seems" to care more about will, than the other way around. But it's not like her care matters so much, because it still doesn't change will for the better, he only just got less lonely, but was still very self-destructive.

What I thought was fascinating about this point is that you’re right, but also…

As noted at the end of KS, Will only started improving when Damon returned and his friends started helping him get off drugs. They got him clean, but not sober. I think that’s what finally motivated him to go to BC, because he started realizing he had nothing to offer his friends anymore. On top of that, was he going to rely on them to keep him clean? He couldn’t. He needed to learn to do that on his own. First real grown-up decision he made. Of course, he then became the worst version of himself, too scared to return to a place that offered all his vices so freely because he couldn't trust himself, and too stunted to try. He did the physical work, but none of the emotional or mental work. Alex never helped him with any of that.

She comforted him. She made him think everything he was doing was okay. Maybe she tried to encourage him, but I don’t think she ever pushed him to be better like Emmy would have. Emmy would have demanded better (at least the Emmy that lives in my head, but I think the book version is at least closer to that then Alex ever was). I truly think if Emmy had returned to Thunder Bay by the time Will was released from prison, he would either have never gotten that bad or she would and forced him to get better earlier.

But Emmy wasn’t there. Alex was, and who know why Alex did anything. Was it her character? Was it her flaws? Did she not know what to do for him because she’s literally 19 and life suddenly hands her a client who’s been to prison and has trauma surrounding that, and is angry, and is numbing his pain with vices, but that she can occasionally see a glimmer of something more in? I don’t know. Maybe it was just excellent sex, and even she says that’s what she’s usually thinking about. She says he puts in the work. Either way, because of the way this story was told, it’s up to the reader to make up their own mind. No one is more correct than anyone else, least of all me. I read way too much into this anyway. It’s really not that deep.

The fact that will couldn't get any friends outside of the horsemen if they're not their friends' girls, escorts, people he can pay with money, or people of similar status with him, even with all his status and privilege, already tells a lot about his classist and shallow personility. I kinda understand though being friends with people of the same class

I mean… I’m not sure about this opinion. We see these guys host parties in nearly every book. It’s safe to say they have friends outside each other. And if you want to say all those friendships are shallow because they’re built on who has money and what people can offer each other, that’s fine. I won’t argue that point, though I’d disagree with it. But it’s obvious that these relationships are the most important to them, and since we only see a very narrow time frame of the series, we don’t get a lot of development of outside plot.

Even when they had time alone, they always had to involve some third parties in their relationship, which pisses me off so much.

This is partly why I say I would have preferred if NF had taken place in Thunder Bay like the others or was not the end of the series. The force proximity and limited cast really make it difficult to determine what is Will and Emmy, and what is the situation forcing them to act this way. Not giving either an escape route to see what decisions they’d make without the pressure is frustrating. There is a way to keep this plot and make the series work.

Now, If Will Grayson was a stronger man, Alex Palmer will never be able to slap Emory Scott. The only reason why his friends can treat emmy like shit was because Will lead them by example, just like how the horsemen initially didnt respect rik because michael humiliate him by example.

This is a fair point. I’ve been thinking a lot about friend group dynamics, especially in fours (gee, wonder why), and I realized something that frustrates me about the way the horsemen are set up. I’m gonna segue into something else, so if you want to skip the next few paragraphs, that’s fine.

Michael is set up as the leader, Kai the brains, Damon the passion, and Will the heart. In recent posts, I’ve called Michael the brain, and Kai the heart. Because that’s what makes sense to me in terms of the roles they feel. A leader needs to lead with something, right. It can be courage, it can be heart, it can be logic, but it needs to be something. Just calling Michael a leader because he makes the call doesn’t mean anything. What is he leading with.

But Michael is framed as logical and decisive, so I place him as the brain. Kai is supposed to be compassionate and wise, the voice of reason in the group, which PD calls the brains, but I call the heart. Damon can remain the passion. But that leaves Will with nothing.

Will, in my head, is supposed to be the glue that holds them together. He’s supposed to be the one they go to when they need encouragement, to see things from a better perspective. The one that fixes them, not the other way around.

If that’s the case, he totally fails in his role. He’s so weakened by his various traumas and heartbreak, he can’t fulfill that role. And that’s irritating because it takes the entire series for him to come out of that and then it ends. We never actually get to see Will as he was supposed to be. That’s what pisses me off. So, you’re right. He’s useless.

Back to your point, I think also would have preferred to see a stronger Will. A character who is so happy all the time, the glue that holds the team together, the one they go to when they need to be built back up, and all of a sudden the only thing that makes him so angry he goes over the edge appears in front of him again? To the point he becomes unhinged and starts wilding out? That could have been interesting.

And it’s interesting because we do see a bit of what you were talking about with Will setting the standard when Damon was trashing her at the cove, before they went to beat martin. He straight forwardly, in all seriousness, tells Damon to stop. Will can feel that way about her, but no one else. Somewhere along the way, Will lost that thought. Where’d it go? I don’t know.

Anyway. What can you do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope I understood what you were saying and responded fairly. I know I come off as totally pro-Will Grayson, Will Grayson can do no wrong, but that's not the case. I do see the characters clearly (for the most part). Not only that, but I want them to be better. So I make it so.

[dorizardthewizard]

HSM (2006) rewatch

Part 2: Happy Wildcats New Year!

SDFHKSD EVERYONE WAS LITERALLY JUST STANDING THERE WAITING FOR TROY

Also the way Chad just grabs him like I’M HIS BIGGEST HYPEMAN OUTTA THE WAY PEOPLE

Chad: Because in two weeks, we’re going to the championships, with you leading us to infinity and beyond!

OK Buzz Lightyear

This is so jarring to me because it’s January, right? But everyone is dressed for mild weather, no coats in sight and it’s so green around them? Is it that warm in New Mexico? ...So I googled it and for Albuquerque, they apparently still get pretty chilly winters and can even have snow. It’s funny they filmed at this time but still went for the New Year timeline, they could have easily just had it be at the start of the school year and troyella could meet at some other party. Why am I so focused on this do you ask? idk I live in the UK – if I see a lot of sunshine in a movie, it fascinates me.

Everyone is too happy to be back in school

Idk who started the Wildcats chant but it means Chad didn’t start the very first one in the series!

I saw a post about how Troy actually wears blue and green more than red, and yeah it looks really obvious here in this sea of red. There’s some symbolism there with Chad in red handing Troy the basketball as he talks about him leading them to a championship win, Troy looks a little uncomfortable with all the attention and hands the ball over to someone else.

Sharpay’s iconic strut <3

Chad’s background music is a sitcom laughtrack, apparently

Jason: Do you remember the night before? Troy: No. Not at all. All I remember is, like, pink jelly.

Troy what the hell happened at that party? Unless he just doesn't want to talk about the karaoke

Genuinely curious does a typical school in the US really have an American flag in every classroom?

WHY DOES CHAD HAVE SO MANY WATCHES. I thought it was just for the Charlie’s Angels scene but nope, that’s just his style apparently. Are they all synced to different timezones?

Aw Chad checking up on Troy like, the SECOND he starts to act funny

They really did Monique dirty with her fits and that headband. I wish they styled her hair in a way more suited to her hair type but yeah…

Ms Darbus acts and dresses like the spirit of all drama teachers I love it, her look reminds me a bit of my art teacher in school

Troy why would you try to call her? To see if it’s her? Why not just wait until you leave the class? Why did Sharpay and Ryan pick up their phones? Do all three of them have the same ringtone? So many questions.

Bit mean of Darbus to give Gabriella detention within the first 2 minutes, maybe she didn’t know about your cell phone rule! And why didn’t she introduce Gabriella to the class?

Ms Barbus: Mr Bolton, I see your phone is involved, so we will see you in detention as well! Chad: No, no. That's not even a possibility, Ms Darbus, your honour, see? 'Cause we have basketball practice, and Troy...

Chad calls Darbus “Your Honour” pffffft nice try buddy. Anyway get you a bestie who tries to get you out of detention <3 But also Chad’s reasoning about them having basketball practice shows their jock status in the school and how he thinks they should get let off for that. And like it’s true, some kids are more favoured than others in school for those kinds of things. Doesn't fly for Darbus, though.

Jason 😂😭 I know he is probably genuinely asking and cannot read a room, but there was always that one kid that managed to make the teacher ramble about their life for like half the lesson so we didn’t have to do any work.

[six-of-ravens]

daily update:

for some reason since last night my brain has decided to get Big Mad about something that happened like 6 months ago. just basically trying to Constantly Distract Myself lol. Idk why my brain is this fucked up but I blame it on the weather, the wild swings between sunny and warm spring weather and dark cold winter are brutal on the mental health lol.

also i haven't left the apartment since Monday (except a quick trip down to the mailbox today) so that might be why my brain is acting up. my anxiety gets real bad if I don't leave the house for more than 1 day in a row (lockdown was a FUN time in this brain) and I think for lack of anything real to be anxious about my brain is just going "hey remember that asshole from July? let's be mad at him again!!"

on the plus side, was actually able to be productive at work today! the past 2 days were just a lot of spinning my wheels while the PM for this project works herself into a tizzy, because I don't know what I need to do (if anything) and I can't handle her ranting anymore. Apparently the boss is getting pretty tired of her too tho so I think he had A Talk with her about not skype-spamming with her whole thought process. Also, she always intersperses her updates with "I have other things to work on too!" type comments which are driving everyone insane bc like yeah, we all do too! so just fkn get this last list of revisions sent over so we can finish this!!

so yeah, work is a...joy. right now. at least we got to work from home today too lol, we got waaaaay more snow than they predicted.

i did take a 3 hour nap after work today tho (necessary, bc last night I was up until 2am and my brain would not get off this spiral) and had those good good adventure-quest dreams, so.

oh also I finally checked the mail and my laika pin from pangur-and-grim arrived!! she is baby 🥺 she lives on the pin jacket now:

anyway, plan for tonight is to try and decompress by listening to music and maybe writing. i also *still* haven't really started Fellowship bc I just haven't been in the brainspace for it (though maybe I should try...having to intensely focus on a book with very small print might be what my brain needs)

also, going from reading children's books with like 18pt font to a dense fantasy novel with like 8pt font is quite the change. highly intimidating!

I have made progress on ToTK and FFIII though, in totk I beat Master Kogha and then finally got my purah pad upgraded with the sensor, travel medallions, etc etc. I can't believe i missed all of this stuff at the beginning of the game lol. in FFIII I'm back at the Nepto Temple, which is one of my least favourite levels due to having to use Mini which makes your weapons useless. Ah well, the quests after this are interesting at least.

oh and finally, I got some sprouts in my garden! I'm kind of amazed at how much stuff has already sprouted, most notably the lettuce (but also a half-dozen other random things):

[winter-spark]

Okay so why I thought Orange was 20 in year 2, even though as I reread Year 2 Winter and Citron events it sorta fell through. Especially with the Citron card from the Spotlight about the Mahjong club. Regardless, I'm gonna share it. So bare with the inaccuracies, please. After I get through it, I will also explain why the theory's (unfortunately) wrong.

So, this all starts from a question my sister and I had, “How was there a coronation planned if they hadn’t heard from Citron in so long? He was a missing person to at least the Royal Family. Shouldn’t it have been canceled?”

And I say ‘at least the Royal Family’ but with the presence Citron had there’s no way it wasn’t known that he was missing (unless they did some sort of cover-up of “Citron is just abroad right now” or something like that but it doesn’t feel like something they as a Royal family would do you know? Plus how would they explain it at his coronation if he didn't show up?). It actually is sorta implied that it is somewhat known, as Chikage heard there was something going on,

even if Tadoru hadn't. (Especially when Chikage heard about it likely would've been at least a little further back, while Tadoru probably heard it more recently as they are in preparation for the upcoming coronation.)

So why wouldn’t it have been canceled since they had no clue where Citron was?

While trying to understand that, I remembered that the King said that when Tangerine turns 20, he’d become King, so I was like, ‘oh! Coronations must be when the heir turns 20!’

I thought for sure I cracked the code. See, if coronations happen when the heir turns 20, and Citron had been mia, but Zafra was preparing for the coronation before he was found and back, then maybe it wasn’t Citron’s original coronation. Maybe, it wasn't supposed to be Citron's coronation at all. Maybe instead, it was supposed to be Orange’s coronation.

Maybe Citron arrived back in Zafra, just in time for the coronation preparations to readjust and incorporate him as he’s alive and the rightful heir. Maybe Orange and Navel were a bit bitter about his return because Orange was so close to being King and it was literally ripped away from him mere weeks before he took the throne. Maybe that’s why they talk about how lucky Citron is and how unlucky Orange and Navel are. Maybe that’s why Orange was mostly on board with the make Citron go mia plan as just having the throne ripped from his fingers he might’ve been feeling pretty desperate, he didn’t even want Citron dead(at least by the time it came down for the plan to be in action), just wanted him to miss the coronation.

And this all made sense to me especially because somewhere in my brain I had already been convinced that Citron had been mia for 2 years already at the start of the game(thinking back on it maybe something like that was said in the year 2 winter arc and I just moved it to be for the beginning of year 1 for some reason. Idk for sure tho) I thought weird things were happening, he went missing, then at 22 he arrived in Japan and joined Mankai. Where was he before Japan? Great question. Apparently, Zafra because he didn’t “go missing” at 20.

As I reread Winter Year 2, as well as other Citron events, I found that there seems to be no indication that any of my theory is the case (except for Tangerine’s coronation being set for when he turns 20). For starters in Winter Year 2, Citron says(english server quote): “The date of my coronation has been decided since I was little, so I only had a set time to learn everything.” Which implies that his coronation was never moved, it’s just always been like that. And while personally, I felt Guy’s addition ("as the coronation has drawn closer, odd things have begun happening around Citronia”) made it vague enough that it could’ve been canceled, and pushed back(as we don't know how close "closer" was) but that doesn’t quite seem to be the case. (I guess if it was had instead of has it'd be more plausible to read it vaguely assuming past me copied that down correctly lol)

Then with the addition of the Spotlight event on the Mahjong Club, Citron’s card has him aged as 21. This card contains a flashback of him playing Mahjong and trying to get Guy to play too(if I recall correctly) which means that it is before he left Zafra. Which makes me go “??? Why is Tangerine’s coronation set for when he’s 20 but Citron’s apparently was set for when he was 23?” That just doesn’t really seem… fair(?) you know?

But anyway, failed theory aside, this is why currently I’m believing that Orange is about 20 in year 2.

[lillotus17]

NCT MARVEL AU

okay so like a couple months ago I posted that I really wanted to write an NCT MARVEL AU FF... I might have deleted it I honestly cant remember I also added other SM ARTIST as side/extra/antagonist characters in the plot and right now im currently debating if i wanna find more Marvel characters that I think fit Shohei, Eunseok, and Seunghan.. idk lmk. im still working on the first few chapters and the moodboards of all the characters but it's going to take a while and i've been working very slowly since i am currently in school and have a part time job because in this economy... oof a girl's really struggling. anyways here is a small draft (with no mood board sorry im still woking on it :( ) of which MARVEL Characters the NCT members are going to be portraying

Playlist: Villian by Key ft. JENO | Hero by Martin Garrix and JVKE | Wish you were here by SUPERM | more to be added!

Lee Taeyong as Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers)

okay so i actually considered Iron Man, Falcon, Captain America, and gamora in mind for Taeyong but Iron Man matched johnny a bit more because of his personality and jaehyun suited captain america more imo

taeyong still fits a character with a strong leadership role, cus i mean cmon NCT tired dad/leader-nim

Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel is just tryna fit in and find herself/remember who she is and she finds out that she's a super powerfull highkey baddie and HELLO? Taeyong is that

she has a strong and emotional sense of leadership, willingness to help and protect others and like come on is that not tayeong???

she's (one of) the first avengers and asdfghjkl;

so yeah

carol danvers is a baddie

taeyong is a baddie

pErIoDt

Moon Taeil as Moon Knight (Marc Spector)

okay so like

this kinda just clicked? lmaoo i feel bad- well more like a geek but like MOON Taeil and MOONknight

i finished watching the MoonKnight series on Disney+ a while ago and loikeeee

Marc Spector is a hot SOB

steven grant asdfghjkl; dont get me started

oki tho im like lowkey debating if I want to include Marc's multiple personality but like he's not Moonknight with out steven soooo

might add a little twist to it

but Taeil gives me more Steven Grant vibes than Marc Spector ngl

he's a lil nervous anxious dork yknow?

did consider falcon and war machine for taeil though..

like tony and rhode's relatinship screams johnny and taeil LMFAOO

idk might make some changes...

Seo Youngho/Johnny Suh as Iron Man (Tony Stark)

cocky lil shit and a sexy ass mf

like tell me it doesn't make sense?

homie just wants to spend money and build suits

smart, hot, and rich? yes please

his wit and smart mouth

like imagine johnny "Jae (Cap) you've got a potty mouth"

tony has a heart(?)- there's proof LMFAOO

his sense of humor just screams johnny

had star lord (peter quill) in mind for him too

Nakamoto Yuta as Winter Soldier (James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes)

one intimidating bitch

but a highkey softie

gonna kick ur ass if u fuck with him or anyone he cares about

highkey mysterious

did consider hawkeye, war machine, and falcon for him tho

also considering changes in characters lmk what yall think too!

Qian Kun as Dr. Strange (Stephen Strange)

man can fly a plane

lmaoo sorry that literally has nothing to do with him being a doctor but tell me why in every goddamn MAFIA AU i read, he's the medic

his relationship with yangyang and ten remind me of dr. strange and wong lmfaoooo

lowkey a perfectionist/perfect man asdfghjkl

Kim Dongyoung/Doyoung as Dare Devil (Matt Murdock)

had hawkeye, war machine, and falcon in mind for him

war machine cause of his sense of duty and seriousness- and his relationship with johnny also reminds me of tony and rhodes

also thought about making him nebula (and falcon) cus of his relationship with taeyong

anyways matt murdock is a hot mf

a lawyer? yes please

doyoung likes to argue cus cmon 127 is always on his ass for no reason headahhh lmfaooo

ngl thought there were a lot a members and i did put some thought into this and he matched daredevil best imo

Li Yongqin/Ten as Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff)

bad bitch right here

assassin, bad bitch

have you seen the way he moves?

have you seen the way she moves?

no words, no explanation, it just is and it just makes sense

like fr let's argue

IM JP don't come at me

had hawkeye in mind for him too

Jung Yoonoh/Jaehyun as Captain America (Steve Rogers)

america's ass

like cmon manz representative emoji is a peach

can't really put my finger on it either

like maybe it the masculinity (not meant negatively tho!) and altruism in the both of them(?)

both hot as fuck for no reason

other characters that i think suited him were falcon, winter soldier, (kind of) hawkeye, and black panther

Dong Sicheng/Winwin as Hawkeye (Clint Barton)

oki so i did have black widow in mind for him

and if im being honest it was kind of hard to settle with hawkeye for him

winwin is someone is focused and serious much like clint barton

i mean cmon man was a dancer and that shit takes dedication and patience

like learning how to use a bow and arrow

also had vision in mind for him too

when i first started to get into NCT winwin kind of came off as a timid person, and he's not really affectionate so it kind of screamed vision vibes

Kim Jungwoo as Quick Silver (Pietro Maximoff)

his cute lil personality

"bet you didn't see that coming?" ackkkk

is a caring sweetheart

like pietro wants nothing but for his sister to be happy and protected

jungwoo makes his members happy

Wong Yukhei/Lucas as Thor

okay so like NCT 2018 Halloween special kind of took over

personality wise, lucas and thor are kind similar(?)

like their sense of humor

thor is lowkey the most laid back avenger despite being a prince

and most of the time i can't take lucas seriously

also another character i was kinda of iffy unsure about

idk maybe its just me but lucas seems like the type that would shy away from responsibilities and his asgard duties as king for something more chill

then again thor did do that soooo...

Lee Minhyung/Mark Lee as Spider-Man (Peter Parker)

do i even need to explain?

lmaoo oki so like i was reading a post about how some people don't like mark

which i lowkey found hard to believe but then it made sense

like no disrespect

anyways I do believe mark is a hard working person and he does try to be humble about it but like also its okay to bathe in the glory and be shameless- then again easier said than done, again no disrespect- i love mork

pure hearted and true to himself

much like peter parker

Xiao Dejun/Xiaojun as Shang Chi (Shaun)

lmaoo man is 1/3 of wayv's walking meme group

every time im on tiktok lmfaoooo

lmao i guess the way i picked theses characters to match the members is based on the relationship the members have soo

lmaoo shaun's relationship with katie reminds me of luxiaodery (is that the correct name for them?... wayv 99 liners)

again hot asf

like imagine xiaojun in the bus fighting scene

Wong Kunhang/Hendery as Ant Man (Scott Lang)

also 1/3 of wayv's walking meme group

man is fxcking hilarious

another "do i even need to explain?"

just makes sense

lmaooo well actually i did consider Star Lord for him

Huang Renjun as Yelena Belova

okay so hear me out

i though of gamora or nebula for him too

lmao he's a tiny lil agressive man

ready to bite at any moment

very deadly

snarky (<< affectionate) and witty like Yelena

"i don't get my period dip shit. i don't have a uterus" *said with a russian (chinese) accent and the fact the renjun doesn't have a uterus*

like that line screams renjun lmfao

Lee Jeno as Black Panther (T'Challa)

RIP to Chadwick Boseman

anyways

when mark graduated from dream *sad noises*

jeno gave me hard leadership vibes

like he filled the role so well without actually filling it

and i've noticed how popular he's become lately with all these stage collabs with other idols

prince king jeno

nice ring to it ;)

sense of what is feels right and does what he believes is right

wants to do well for himself and his members

did consider him for hawkeye and falcon

Lee Donhyuck/Haechan as Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff)

sassy lil birchhh

haechan is a very caring person and althoug sometimes it seems like he's acting a certain way to hide his feelings i do believe he is very emotionally inteliegent- however he is kind of impulsive (emotionally)

reminds me of wanda

powerful bitch, like hello vocals?

fight with so much effort and purpose

needs support and is his members number one supporter

Na Jaemin as Falcon (Sam Wilson)

oki so like

this was also a toughy

consider hawkeye, black panther, winter soldier, dare devil, war machine, and a bunch of other... also docor strange cus mans wanted to be a surgeon if he wasn't an idol lmaooo

but tbh no characters really ever stuck with me for jaemin

he's lowkey someone is doesn't gaf and doesn't want to be here but still knows how to have a good time or make up for time

serious and yet isn't

loyal and supportive to his members

Liu YangYang as Kate Bishop

lmaoo renyang and kate and yelena vibes

like "bro what if i killed you, (renjun/yelena)?"

but like he didn't soo???

lmaooo curious and nosy

liek sticks his nose into everyone's business

whether its for funsies or a mission

but he does well in getting whatever information he needs

gave me loki vibes tho

Osaki Shotaro as Vision

he's so cute ackkk

kind of came off as an awkward lil bean to be but i think that was just because of the language barrier with the other members

but it also a reason why i thought he was a good fit to portray vision

cus they're bother still learning

not afraid to ask questions

supportive and kind of goes along with things

a bit naive and questions his morals or rights and wrongs

fast learner imo

Jung Sungchan as War Machine (James Rhodes)

okai so like

idky but i though he would have been a good match for star lord

kind still iffy ish because is he young and although this is a ff i fell like he would have matched a younger role/character

also thought he would have been a good fit for shuri

can't really say much

i feel bad cus this is a bit more of a last pick

i really did want him to have a character that was more interactive with shotaro since that are really close

also thought of a cloak and dagger duo for sungtaro

again might make dome changes so lmk yall's opinion

like im tryna take this seriously and make it make sense but also im not cus again this is for funsies

Zhong Chenle as Loki

again, im sorry but another "do i even need to explain?"

boy is hella mischievous with that lil smirk he always has

when he messes around with his members, esp jisung

lmao poor jisung

like "oh yall need an illusionist you say? no problem lessgo fuck around with some bad guys"

i know he's supposed to be a lowkey two-faced, flippity floppity bad guy but idc im making him good

cus deep down loki does have a good heart

Park Jisung as Shuri

hear me out

i know he doesn't seem like the brightest but like he really is

and i know yall agree because hacker!jisung?

yeah, that's what i thought bro

considered vison for him too

and kate bishop

and groot- well like a modified hybrid version of him

big brother jeno and little brother jisung duo

yeah

just yeah

periodt

Shohei, Eunseok, and Seunghan

okay so like

im not really sure what marvel characters suit them best

im tryna stray from X-men charcters

but idk might have to make some changes

js that haechan might justbe switched to deadpool cus cmon

and as i was writing this i had a bunch of second thoughts about with members were portraying which characters

im a bit of a perfectionist as you can see

Anyways! thanks for reading this and please feedback is and will always be appreciated! again i apologized for my pace! i am currently on winter break but im working so i haven't had much time to write anything :(.

anyways comment and reblog if you wanna see what i have in mind for other SM Artist and who they'll be portraying!

-lotus

[cubertthecube]

Hello! Excuse me for jumping in your DMs, but I'm a little confused about myself and I wanted to ask you a question if that's okay. How did you know you were in a system? Can you tell when someone different fronts? And what does that feel like? I think I may be plural myself and I'm having a hard time understanding what I'm feeling.

You do NOT need to reply to this if this is too invasive or uncomfortable, and if it is, I'm super sorry!

1. How did you know you were in a system

I'm gonna be honest, I got way too high. That's how I found out. If I never smoked weed, I genuinely think I'd still be blissfully unaware.

When I turned 18, my best friend's mom gave me some edibles. Maybe not the best decision, but like free drugs. Obviously, having never consumed weed before, I had no tolerance. This led to me "teleporting" around and feeling like I was floating away.

For a while, I was convinced that I broke my brain because it kept lingering. I was still teleporting. I was still feeling like I was floating away. Then it suddenly hit me that I've always felt like that. Turns out, weed makes me disassociate. I started having a bit of a substance abuse problems when I realized this because, my exact words if I remember correctly, "it already feels like I'm high, I'm just making it so that it feels less weird because now I'm supposed to be high". I looked into it for a while, but was like, "Nahhh, but there aren't any guys in my brain though. I'd KNOW"

And so, once again, I got way too high and someone else fronted that was very much objectively "not me". It was a young child who couldn't talk. Up to this point, me and my friend were making "jokes" that I had it. Like obviously there is more to it than that, and I'm not endorsing drugs. That's just how it worked out for me.

Looking back, there were many warning signs, but I am still sometimes I'm worried that I'm experiencing psychosis because I'm pretty sure I experienced psychosis in middle school, but also I have a tendency to exaggerate things in my head so maybe I was just being normal imaginative thinking that everyone around me wasn't real and that I was dead. Idk idk. (Whoopsie, trauma dump)

But like looking back, there were some clues. I remember having time gaps. Like there is video evidence that I was in a play as a kid and I remember practicing for it, but I also remember being very frustrated that "I practiced all for nothing because every adult in my life just stopped talking about it for some reason" but also maybe that's normal 4 year old stuff.

I also remember in 6th grade being confused why the moment I left science class, I'd not remember science class.

I used to "talk to Jesus" kind of like how I "talk" to the other guys in my head. Idk. Maybe Jesus did that stupid church play. (I have no actual proof that I had a Jesus alter)

When hanging out with people, sometimes I'd feel genuinely out of control with my actions. Like I couldn't stop myself from doing somethings. Or like I'd be doing stuff that I wasn't actively trying to do.

The teleporting thing I mentioned earlier

Being told by my best friend how inconsistent I was. "I thought you hated eggs". It was mostly food. I just chalked that one up to Autism. I chalked most of these things up to Autism.

Sometimes when I "spaced out" I'd have multiple trains of thoughts and I'd randomly come into them.

I'm kind of banking rn, I'm gonna be honest

2. Can you tell when someone different fronts?

Kind of. Sometimes it feels like different moods and the moods have feelings. Sort of. That's what it felt like before I actually knew what was happening. I just assumed it was because I was autistic and masking. Like I noticed I acted distinctly different in social situations, but once again assumed it was masking. And that when I was masking, I was also masking my opinions and feelings.

Now since I'm more aware, it's easier. The three easiest to tell are Klause (that's me), Winter, and Bowie. Bowie can't talk and the thought of talking makes her want to throw up. Technically she can talk, but it makes her anxious. That's pretty easy to figure out. She's also pretty childish.

Winter has more disassociation than everyone else and is just really easy to tell. It's hard to explain.

And I think I might just be biased towards myself. I'm fairly childish, but in an adult way. Me and Winter have been the main fronters recently so Its kind of like If it isn't him, it's probably me. Our friend is honestly better at telling than us.

There are two main kind of switches. Possessive and nonpossesive. Ours are nonpossesive. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's more like there is a single consciousness but it morphs into who's fronting. There's still consciousness, though.

3. What does it feel like?

This one is kind of a hard one since I've lived with it for basically my whole life that I can remember. It's kinda like asking what being Autistic feels like I guess.

It depends on who it is.

I genuinely can't explain this super well. But some of the alters have specific vibes almost? Like one of them feels like a nostalgic smell I can never place. I can't remember which one does this because I'm super sleepy. It's 3 AM for me and I was moving. I was typing this in-between that so if it's disjointed I'm really sorry. I like answering questions and maybe you'll get a different view point from someone else next time Lol.

-Klause

Also don't worry about it being invasive or uncomfortable. I like being asked questions