#alpha male madness

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[dazeddoodles]

My headcanon is that Raine's sex is whatever's funniest at the moment.

Exactly, that was literally my thought process making that joke. Everytime I make a joke like that I get someone screaming about how Raine is ACTUALLY a girl/boy.

[punmster]

being ace means i don't get giggly or horny about omegaverse aka abo but instead become painfully obsessed with details in anatomy and world building

[phoenixcatch7]

Persephone captain marvel au. Hear me out.

Associated with duality, reincarnation, resurrection, childhood innocence (and it getting ripped away by adults), and her 'counterpart' Kore, which is her in her returning aspect of spring, youthfulness, new life... Come on. Is that not the closest thing to Billy you've ever seen in ancient Greece? Where he gets his powers?

It all starts with Teth Adam, and his devastation at the death of his son. He finds the old paths, breaks them open, and storms down into the underworld to demand him back. His is not a new story.

But where Persephone might ordinarily be inclined to ease her husband's scorn, give the troubled mourner a chance, she is speaking to the champion of magic, the world's mightiest mortal. The chance of success is too high. The challenge would not be enough. The death was too high profile and would risk too many attempting to follow in his footsteps. The man is too unstable, too powerful, too close to the heart of magic for it to be safe - for any of him - to grant his wish and risk his false hope.

They deny him.

Enraged, implacable, Teth Adam lashes out. The battle is long and drawn out, neither side tiring even as both weaken, but Persephone, in either form, is not one of war, and she is felled as her curses shatter, her furies tossed aside like dolls. The sound of Hades' scream as Adam's surprise leaves him open flattens the rubble of their throne room.

The wounded champion escapes, hounded by cerberus and skeletons instead of his son's shade, as her husband crashes to his knees beside her. She has not a mortal soul, and thus will be going where even Death cannot reach.

But Adam killed the goddess of reincarnation, and Billy has odd dreams. He's pretty sure he needs to ease up on the stress. He's restless in winter and distracted in summer, he can sleep outside in howling storms as long as he's tucked snug in the boughs of a tree, he's had the luck of never tasting a rotten fruit. Sometimes it feels like there's ghosts in his hideouts and the kids at school try and bribe him to curse their enemies.

When he chosen to be Captain Marvel the wizard chokes on his own speech when the smoke clears. They stare at each other.

"Well," says Persephone, "that was unexpected. Hullo."

"Hello," the wizard replies, "I was under the impression..."

"I don't think the laws of interference quite apply until I'm immortal again," he says.

The wizard's relief is palpable. It's understandable, he looks ready to keel over from old age. "Can I ask...?" he gestures at the new body. It takes a second to understand.

"Oh, I'm a boy now. For a while."

And that's that.

Until green lantern is killed in battle.

[oatmealmika]

NEVER a proshipper or toxic fan but

being an erehisu fan in 2023?!?!?!?

embarrassinggggg…… 👀

brother pls get off of reddit

for my final aot rewatch before the last episode, i just finished season two and, if most men in the fandom are erehisu stans, then it’s safe to say men really don’t understand romance because WTF IS YUMIHISU TO YALL?!?!?!?!?!??!

i get it, you have internalized homophobia ever since your seventh grade robotics teacher told you to “stop being so close with your boy best friend, it’s weird”, but DAMN.

fuck you mean “I will always be your ally”?!?!??? not to mention, “i will always wrap your scarf around you”??!?!?!?!? yes, i’m dragging eremika into this too, cuz HUH????

reddit is the number one public enemy in the state (on oatmealmika’s blog)

[movielosophy]

Fighting For Love | What's that?

[wings-of-angels]

Passionate, homosexual love letter for you!

“Oh Max, thy strange swag has enchanted me. I dream of your amazing mouse facts, and yearn for the day that I might hear your wonderful jokes again.

Cursed be fate (uni) for keeping us apart (giving me work so I can’t write u so much).

In love (/p), a totally anonymous person.”

BDJSHSISJSOSHSK oh thank you anonymous person whos identity i yearn to unravel (charlie), i am platonically swooning at your words. Truly, how dare fate get in the way of our blossoming friendship 😔😔💞💞

[kahuunknown]

Worlds beyond imagining - Chaos Walking David Prentiss Fanfic (Part 1)

!NOTE!: ABO universe/themes, inspiration from CHAOS WALKING film, David Prentiss x OC (Theo) male character x potentially others

~~~

“Scout ship A, prepare to enter New World’s atmosphere in T minus 37 seconds.”

Theo scrunched his nose as an itch started to appear to the end of it, but his hands were cuffed and locked behind him, and a lower-face muzzle prevented him from uttering a word of complaint. His red orbs flickered lazily about the cabin and its crew, all performing the habitual procedures he’d seen countless times before. His seating was opposite the entrance door, made only for people like him. Most of the crew ignored his presence, more excited to explore this famed paradise than pay attention to the likes of a sub-human, even if more many of them- it was their first encounter with the likes of a sub-human.

“Copy that, Mother Bird.” The captain drawled, sending a quick thumbs up and signal to the crew which had them eagerly using the Zero G to float towards their assigned seats and buckle up hastily.

Theo supposed it was lucky that he was the one assigned to visit this planet, instead of one of his siblings. Who instead were more often used for exploration of worlds holding much more hostile native life. He’d seen a few of those types of worlds before, and such trips were usually only made for resource gathering. So the trips were short and sweet, unlike this one… Theo slumped as much as he could within the confines of his restraints. He’d have preferred some Gamma went instead of him, he’d rather be with his pack. But if the mission was successful, at least there would be some time to see some of them again- those assigned to settlement protection anyway.

“Hey, you want me to scratch that for you?”

Theo flinched, not expecting to have someone so suddenly in front of him, nor with their arm outstretched and pointing to his nose. It was a woman, and she looked young. This was likely her first scouting mission, so she did not know the protocol regarding individuals like himself. Still, everyone else seemed to more excited to chat amongst each other, than pay attention to the newbie. He couldn’t respond to her anyway, nor stop her either.

She didn’t scratch where he needed it, but her gesture of kindness wasn’t unappreciated. Though she would surely think differently of him once he was tasked with his objective on ground.

“You know, I’ve never met a sub-human before. You’re not what I imagined.” She rambled, chuckling as Theo rolled his eyes. Of course, he’d already gathered she’d never met someone like him. “Is it that obvious?” She teased.

“I’m Viola.” She introduced with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Theo.”

“Viola! Get to your seat!” The captain ordered, throwing a disturbed expression Theo’s way.

Viola looks startled, responding with some apologies before quickly buckling into the seat to Theo’s right.

The captain watches as Viola buckles herself in before returning to his duties murmuring off to the Mother Ship’s control center.

“Still no contact from the surface.” He relays, “We’ll let you know what we find.”

Double checking all his crew were secure and ready, the captain locks in the reinforced chair bars to everyone’s person and prepares the scouting ship for entry through the thick atmosphere of the planet.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the temperature at point of entry will be a balmy 3000 degrees.” The captain jokes, “Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Buckle up.”

“Think the settlers are still alive down there?” One of the crew voices curiously, eyeing the view out of the ships porthole.

“If they are, they’re gonna be happy to see us.” Another responds with a lazy shrug.

“What will they think of the sub-human?”

“Who knows, who cares.”

“They were expecting the Second Wave years ago.”

The craft starts to shake quite violently as the New World’s planet resists the scouting shuttles entry, Theo intakes a bored breath before closing his eyes as he prepares to wait out the rough entry. However, a wave of… something passing through the ship causes his eyes to snap open in alarm. Before narrowing as he observes the quick chaos that soon spreads around the ship.

‘What did we just fly through?’ Theo wonders before realizing in alarm that he could hear his thought aloud.

“Don’t freak out, don’t freak out.” A male passenger pleads to himself, only, those were his thought- now broadcasted to everyone. “Don’t freak out- We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die!”

“What did you say?” Viola asks him, double-checking if she’d heard right.

The man opens his squeezed shut eyes in confusion, “I didn’t say anything.”

“Fire!” Someone screams in alarm, before the entire ship tilts off course and throws loose items everywhere.

Theo glances everywhere for a chance at escape, ‘Let me out! I need to get out-‘

“Hey, it’ll be okay.” Viola hurried assures him. “I’ll get the captain.” She states as she unbuckles herself.

Parts of the shuttle tear open below them and the rush of oxygen makes Theo’s mind light-headed, and before he knew things simply switch off and his vision went to black.

They had landed.

~

“-up… wa- up… wake…. Wake up- Wake up! Theo, wake up!”

Eyes snapped open before slamming shut again at the glare which hit him, squinting instead, Theo groaned at the sudden sharp slice of pain which came from his abdomen. Focusing however, he ignored the desire to sleep once more and scanned his environment.

Before him was a relieved Viola, and the complete wreckage of their ship.

She laughed tiredly, “I thought I was the only one… I’m so glad you’re alive.”

‘What happened?’ He wondered before realizing that once again his thought was broadcasted, and he recalled how the ship failed, how crazy everything became.

Viola looked shocked at him before ignoring her questions and relenting in answering him.

“We crashed, the men… they started- I could hear their thoughts… just like you.” She rambled together.

‘Where’s everyone else?’

“Gone.” She sniffled, “Dead. It’s just us.”

‘Have you contacted Mother Bird?’

“No.” She cringes, “Nothing of our ship survived. We need to find a transmitter.”

Mind clearer, Theo cringes when he tries to move. Eyes darting to his abdomen, he is shocked to see a chunk of metal speared right through him.

‘Ow…’

Viola lets out a shaky laugh, “Ow?! That’s all you’ve got to say?”

Theo glares at her loudness, ‘Don’t speak so loudly.’

She shuts her mouth quickly and lets out a shaky breath before nodding, “Sorry.” She mumbles.

‘I need to get these restraints off.’ Theo tells her, ‘I can’t do anything like this.’

“Right! Of course, yeah, let me just…” She trails off and rounds Theo’s form. Pressing a thumb to the back of his lower-face muzzle, the device beeps in recognition before disengaging. With a hiss, the muzzle falls off and Theo’s hands are now free. He lets out a long breath in relief, then drawing in a nice fresh lungful of oxygen.

“Thank you.” He mutters.

Viola returns to his front, now seeing his exposed face she pauses. He glances at her, noting her reddened skin and frowns.

“Are you sick?”

“No!” She denies, “No, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” He asks.

She looks hesitant but answers him, “I wasn’t expect you to look so…” Theo raises an eyebrow, “… Beautiful.”

“You were expecting an ugly person?” He scoffs.

“No- I don’t know what I was expecting! Just not… this!” She gestures to his face.

He rolls his eyes at her before returning to his injury, ‘I don’t have time for this…’ He thinks.

“Well, what do you need?” She inquires softly. “How can I help you?”

“Mostly, I need food.” Theo bluntly tells her. “And for you to pull this thing out.”

She recoils, “Food?! That’s all that’s on your mind, right now? You need medical attention!”

Theo sighs, and then hisses at the pain that dramatic action caused him, ‘I need food to heal, idiot.’

“Oh…” She drawls before frowning, “You don’t have to be rude about it though, I don’t know anything about sub-humans!”

Theo groans as he leans back against some section of ship he’d been positioned at, “I’ll have to get used to that.”

“Used to what?” Viola asks.

“You hearing my thoughts.”

Viola realizes that indeed, she’d been responding to him when he hadn’t even opened his mouth. He very much was only broadcasting his thoughts. But why couldn’t he hear hers?

She shuffles to stand, and gestures to the chunk of metal sticking out of him, “I better pull that out…”

“Please…” Theo huffs.

She thinks to do it slowly and gently, but Theo’s expression causes her to intake a sharp breath and tug the chunk out quickly. Theo groans and hisses at the wave of pain which follows but already she could see that flesh within him trying to mend itself.

“I’ll go find some food.” She tells him, “Get some rest.”

Theo nods his head, much too tired to argue with her. ‘Thank you.’

“Just don’t die on me, okay.”

..

Theo gasped awake, hands darting to cradle the still very much healing wound at his side, only to find Viola desperately trying to speak with him, tugging urgently at his uniform.

“What is it?” Theo asked.

“There’s people! Some- Someone is following me! Chasing me! We have to move-“ She whipped her head to the left of her, and the calling of someone’s thoughts were getting louder.

Theo gritted his teeth and pushed himself to his feet, slapping Viola’s worried hands away from him.

‘Where are we going?’ He thought to her.

“Over here, there’s a ridge.” She explains quickly, a pre-packed bag already slung around her side. Leading the way in a hurry, Theo stumbles after her. Winding around slopes and trees before emerging at a small ridge which would act as temporary cover.

“You must be quiet.” She urges, “Do not think.”

“Easy for you to say…” Theo grumbles, sitting down and calming his racing heart.

But he managed it, as the curious voice of a young man hurried off with the word ‘spaceship’ in his head.

“He’s going to tell someone.” Theo stated.

Viola nodded her head, “I saw a village. There’s quite a few people there.”

“Did you manage to find any food?” Theo asks hopefully, and she nods her head. Hands darting to her slung bag and pulling out an apple each.

Theo looks at it pitifully and sighs, ‘Better than nothing, I suppose…’

“It was that or beets.” Viola shares, “It was that boy which spotted me taking them.”

Opening his mouth to take a bite out of the sweet fruit, Viola gasps, hands darting forwards to pull back his lips. Theo catches both her wrists and snarls at her, “What are you doing?!”

“Your teeth!” She exclaims.

“What of it?” He returns.

“They’re sharp!” She marvels, “You have two sets of elongated canines! Do all sub-humans-“

“Just Omega.” Theo interrupts, pushing away from her. His tone is low and sad, ‘I miss the pack…’

“The pack?” Viola questions, “Your family?”

Theo glares at her, before sighing as he realized it wasn’t her fault for being able to hear his thoughts. Instead, he turns his back to her and continues to eat the apple he’d been given. Viola realizes the conversation must have been a sensitive one. Thinking more on it, she supposed that was a more than reasonable response. His family, himself included, were genetically engineered experiments that were barely classed as human- they didn’t share the same rights or experiences in the slightest-

Viola gasps as the farm boy stumbles randomly upon them both-

‘Holy shit! It’s a girl.’ The boy’s thoughts exclaim. ‘Space girl.’

Theo is swiftly at his feet, pushing Viola behind him protectively, his side causes him to wobble sightly but he maintains his strong posture and glares at the farm boy cautiously.

“Whoa!” The boy jumps back a little in surprise at Theo’s movements, ‘That’s a girl- He’s quiet too. Is he a girl too?’

The boy looks at Theo form in a sort of awe, the man was tall and large, he held himself like a warrior. Like a predator and it made the young man shiver instinctually at the sight, not to mention the obvious training and skill this person displayed. Like a giant weapon… More notably however, was the silence of thought coming from Theo.

Backing up slowly, Theo snatches Viola’s sling bag and shoves it to her form. The boy darts his eyes to the orange of her raincoat and pant uniform.

‘Never seen a girl before… she’s from the farm-‘

Theo snarls, whipping out a small tactical knife from his uniform and swiping it warningly in the boy’s direction.

“Stay back, boy. Don’t come any closer.” He warns. ‘I’ll kill you…’

The boy gasps, the Noise of Theo was not what he was expecting at all. The voice was low and smooth, it sounded controlled and… rather nice to the ear. But his attention is stolen again by the space girl, the farm boy is barely able to see Viola, who trembles in fear and remains pressed into Theo’s back. But Theo’s defending motion lets the stranger barely get another glimpse of her-

‘Girl. Girl. It’s a girl. Girl. Oh, my God-‘ The boy straightens himself, “Where are you from?” He questions softly, but his thoughts are still all over the place.

‘You’re a girl. No Noise. Who are they? Who is he…?’

“Are you from Earth?” The boy inquires again, this time directly to both of them. Neither Viola or Theo respond to him. ‘Girl! Thief! They’re… pretty! Shut up, Todd-‘

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’ve just never… Never seen a girl before. Never seen anyone from space…” The boy explains lamely. Both Theo and Viola look at him like he’s crazy. This Todd fellow was… unique, to put it lightly. But he was also threatening the exposure of their location.

“Are you from Earth?” Todd asks again, before stumbling backwards at Theo’s pulled lip. ‘Teeth! Sharp, sharp teeth! What is he?!-‘

Viola steps on a rather brittle branch which snaps under her weight, and Todd’s eyes dart to meet hers.

‘You’re really pretty. Yellow hair. Found her… I found her! I found her!’

His thoughts were loud and undeniably a beacon to their position, Theo looks over his shoulder to Viola.

“Run.”

She doesn’t question him, she does as commanded of her and darts away instantly. Theo readies his knife again, ready to hold off any chasers on her tail.

What he wasn’t expecting however was a hologram that tricked him into attacking a false enemy, now face-to-face with the culprit, Theo readies himself for any other type of attack or defense.

“What are you?” The man inquires with a curious gaze. He was older, in his fifties perhaps. With greying hair and an air of authority practically dripping from his person.

Theo scrunches his nose but decides to answer honestly, “I’m an Omega sub-human, of Mother Bird colony. Who are you?”

“Sub-human?” The man repeats confused, before his eyes gleam in intrigue. “Interesting. I’m leader of fleet 3, now mayor of Prentisstown. David Prentiss.”

“Prentiss? You were-“

Theo doesn’t finish his revelation as someone behind him knocks him out cold with the bunt of their gun.

Quickly, he falls to the ground lifeless.

~

Waking with a startle, Theo wasn’t expecting a nose to be pressed against the junction of his neck, instinctively he tries to protect himself, but again his hands are restricted and tied securely behind him. Instead all he can do is lean away from the perpetrator.

“What are you doing?” Theo hisses.

David Prentiss takes a step back, allowing Theo to identify him, “Why do you smell like that?”

“What are you talking about?” Theo rebuts quickly, ‘Only Alpha can scent me… wait- Fuck.’

“Alpha?” David repeats, amused at the mistake. “Explain to me… what are you, Theo?”

“How do you know my name?” Theo hisses, alarm flaring up in his expression. His records were confidential, locked and sealed tightly away. Only Viola would be aware of this-

“First, tell me where she is.” Theo demands, changing the subject instantly upon his previous thoughts.

“Safe.” David answers with a growing smile, “For now.” He adds ominously.

[depvotee]

i will not stand green team in my house. i swear to god.

[spookyleech]

Im gonna touch him (with consent)

Look at him... he's so breedable👹

[pathologising]

Men stay pissing me off.....

[introvert-celeste]

.

[juniper5x5]

Christ this was hot

[frary-us]

4/5/14-- Memories.... I remember voting like crazy in this E! poll years ago.🥰😂 Proud that Toby made the Top 4🙌 despite little publicity from Reign/CW, who seemed to push Torrance/Bash more as a leading man of the show in S1.😒

Royals, be sure to VOTE @toby_regbo in #AlphaMaleMadness 

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

The irony of course is we would have been much better off had you stayed with me in the nude and left the house with clothes...

You've never been one to do things normally though

[charliemwrites]

A Thought™️ that I had yesterday after watching those AITA videos and babbling in the discord:

(This is also babble to be clear. I’ve been writing this throughout the morning so it might be a bit incoherent)

The 141 is shopping for a new team member, someone to round out their four person squad into five. They have a dozen candidates, pick one that looks promising, and transfer him over under the military equivalent of “probationary” status.

Pretty quickly they decide his personality alone might not make him a good fit but whatever, if he’s good at his job, they’ll suck it up. The “alpha male” posturing bullshit is kind of amusing in the meantime at least.

Well, first mission comes and goes. The guy isn’t too bad, honestly — apart from almost picking a fight with Gaz. Skills-wise he’s as advertised, so he gets to stay a bit longer while the 141 decides if they can stand him.

Post successful mission, though, they go out for drinks at the guy’s insistence. He invites his girlfriend — who he dragged along with him — to the bar to meet his new squad. (Because he thinks there’s no way they’re not making him a permanent teammate.)

And the 141 may be barely tolerant of him, but they decide almost instantly that they adore his girlfriend. She’s incredibly charming and bubbly, doesn’t even blink at Ghost’s mask. One of the first things she does is thank them for the opportunity they’re giving her boyfriend and for keeping him alive.

Which is about the time the real issue starts.

The boyfriend says some rubbish about “an alpha doesn’t need protecting, he does the protecting. He looks out for his pack.”

And you smile a bit awkwardly, looking embarrassed, and try to usher the conversation along.

It doesn’t take long for him to quickly fall out of what little favor he accrued. You’re a bright spot in their group, laughing and chatting with them all like you’ve known them for years. Incredibly sensitive to asking any hard questions and sort of forcing the conversation through the weird patches where your boyfriend interjects with some inane comment.

Eventually, your boyfriend gets sick of your chattering and tells you to fetch them more drinks. Soap instantly sits up, saying you don’t have to do that, but you gently wave him off. Chirp that you don’t mind doing it as a thank you for their service, and weave into the crowd.

The table goes uncomfortable quiet — apart from your boyfriend, who makes some ghastly comment about how you have a pretty face but an annoying laugh. When you get back, drinks expertly balanced in your hands, Ghost goes out of his way to drop puns that get you giggling like mad.

As the night ticks later, and your boyfriend gets drunker, he reaches the point you always dread.

“Garrick, le’s arm wrestle.”

“Baby, I don’t think that’s…”

“This is between us men.”

You groan a bit and sit back. Gaz looks befuddled but shrugs and agrees. It’s not even a contest; your boyfriend’s arm is flat to the table in all of ten seconds. Flustered, your boyfriend demands a rematch. And when he loses again, scoffs and demands a go with Soap.

You practically sink deeper and deeper into your seat before the secondhand embarrassment starts to weigh and you have to excuse yourself to the restroom. When you get back, the impromptu arm wrestling seems to be over, though your boyfriend is sulking in his corner of the booth.

When you gingerly slide back in, Price nudges you with his calf.

“Would you like a go, luv?”

You grin and shake your head. “I don’t fancy a broken wrist, Captain.”

“C’mon luv, you might surprise yourself,” he teases and you can’t resist the playful glint in his eye.

So you lock your thumb around his, elbow on the table, and push. And his arm incrementally goes down… down… down…

“Well would you look at that,” he muses.

You burst into laughter, flattered and endeared by his indulgence.

“That tough, eh?” Soap muses, arching an eyebrow. “Let’s see it, then.”

So you roll your eyes, fully expecting to get trounced. But just like with Price, he starts to relent when you put up resistance, making a show of straining and panting as he “loses.” When you’ve won, you finally play into the joke.

“Serves you right,” you tease.

By your side, you hear your boyfriend huff derisively. “Oh, come on.”

Before your fun can be ruined, though, Ghost is offering you his hand, dark eyes sparkling. You bite your lip, but it doesn’t hide your grin as you accept the unspoken challenge. His hand is huge around yours, but shockingly gentle. He goes down easiest of all, whistling in amazement.

“Look’it that, you’re a pro,” he says, “think we should all be buying you a drink.”

“She doesn’t drink,” your boyfriend interjects.

You huff and settle back into the booth. “Maybe some other time, Lieutenant Riley?”

“Count on it.”

You get into an argument with your boyfriend that night. He thinks you were “challenging his dominance” and “stirring the pot,” trying to sew discord and strife amongst the men to get them fighting over you. He says something about being the alpha of the group and that he would win but it’s insulting to him as your “provider” that you would question his authority.

He’s tipsy as he says it though, working himself up. You just follow the usual routine of soothing, reassuring, simpering — and then considering leaving when he’s finally asleep. But you’re far from home, don’t have the means to leave, and besides, you won’t be finding any support from your family on this front so…

Well, it’s not so bad, you remind yourself. He can be an asshole, but so can you and it takes two to fight. Besides, he only gets really bad when he’s been drinking and that’s only once a week? 1 out of 7 isn’t a bad ratio.

—

The 141 pretty much collectively decide that they adore you though. You get regularly invited to team outings, wherein your boyfriend keeps challenging (and losing) arm wrestling, while the boys coax you into “winning.”

They’ve also become rather adamant that you don’t bring them drinks anymore.

“You’re not our personal beer wench, yeah? We’re able to get our own pints,” Gaz soothes.

Your boyfriend chuckles and shakes his head, imparts his “wisdom” that it’s a female’s job to serve her man and his friends. As a sign of respect or something. You know it’s not an argument worth having and just sip at your drink in silence.

But you love going out with them. Love knowing the men keeping your boyfriend alive and they’re a good bunch. Respectful and funny and disciplined — you’re kind of hoping they snap your boyfriend out of this weird “alpha male” phase he’s been going through. On the other hand, you’re thrilled to be making something like friends. Sure, your boyfriend has made it clear that the 141 are his friends, but they’re always so conscious of keeping you involved and comfortable.

Then one night your boyfriend mentions what a “good little cook” you are and that instantly has all the boys perking up. Smiling, you offer to host during the Saturday League matches. They gleefully accept over your boyfriend’s protests about other men in his territory or something like that.

But when they do come over they’re horrified by the unspoken expectations. You tell them to sit, that you’ll bring them all drinks, with snacks on the way. They’ll be having none of it.

Ghost helps you with drinks, Gaz chops the veggies for snacks (and dinner). Soap pops in to keep you company while you babysit simmering pots. Price helps to tidy as you go, despite you’re fussing that he really doesn’t need to, he should be enjoying the games!

They end up spending more time with you in the kitchen than out in the den with their own teammate. You barely notice, swept up in the busy currents of playing hostess. When your boyfriend shouts that he needs another beer, you come back to find Price getting plates and utensils for dinner. It’s so thoughtful you could cry.

Even worse is when they help you clean up afterwards. Each of them taking and clearing their own plates. Soap on washing big dishes, Gaz on drying. Ghost is packing up leftovers. Price is turning over the dishwasher, asking you where dishes go and tutting when you insist you should be helping.

All the while, your boyfriend stands in the doorway telling you all the ways you could improve the meal next time. And how you definitely ate too much for your body size, etc.

He only stops when Price makes a pointed comment about standing around looking pretty.

When they leave, they each sweep you up in a hug and drop a kiss on your cheek, praising your home and cooking and hosting. Soap promises that he’ll get you a little souvenir on their next mission as a thank you.

And sure enough, three weeks later, the boys are coming by. Except your boyfriend is nowhere to be found — out with some other guys from the base that he says he hit it off with. The 141 insist that he agreed to a football watch again, the empty headed muppet.

And of course you’re not going to turn them away! They’ve brought you flowers, a little matryoshka set from their last mission, chocolates and wine. Not one of them is empty handed.

“Do you even like the game?” Gaz asks as you put it on.

“My favorite team isn’t playing until tomorrow but I don’t mind watching,” you answer, shrugging.

But somehow no football is watched at all. Instead they convince you to tell them your top three favorite movies, then claim none of them have ever seen any of them and they have to watch all of them.

Which is how your boyfriend finds his whole team enjoying a little movie marathon with you. You’re on the ground with Johnny (it’s Johnny now, for you) doing his eyebrows. Gaz is braiding your hair. Ghost (Simon) is sharing a bowl of candies with you. You’re sat against Price’s shins, the captain sitting in your boyfriend’s chair, lounging like a king.

When you welcome him back, telling him the boys are staying the night, he tries to throw a fit about it. How dare you let four strange men stay alone with you?! You calmly remind him that he promised he’d be home by 11 and it’s already nearly 1. And besides, he trusts them with his life, you’re allowed to trust them to be polite in your own home.

With all four of his teammates watching, tense and nearly hostile, he mutters something about being tired and storms off to bed. You end up falling asleep on the couch with ghost despite yourself.

And your boyfriend becomes absolutely haunted by his team’s (is it even his team? It feels more like yours!) affection for you.

They always invite you out even if he doesn’t plan to invite you. (When did you get any of their numbers?! Never mind Ghost’s. He doesn’t even have Ghost’s number.)

They stop by the flat constantly, sometimes dropping in. Other times staying for hours. Soap tells him that they’re all one big family; that includes you. (“Alright then why don’t we go hang out with one of your girlfriends?!” He had an actual nightmare about the laughter that gets him.)

And the fucking gifts. It’s not just soap bringing you things anymore. It’s all of them. Magnets, mugs, sweets, pretty rocks. Just garbage to your boyfriend but you treat it all like treasure. They’ve even got you sending them on hunts for specific things. Something blue, something with nuts, something with the flag.

Then there’s the base.

They bring you on one day — Price picks you up, the boys greet you at the barracks with coffee and breakfast. You’re put into a big 141 hoodie that says “Riley” on the back and toured around. You’re supposed to be “surprising” your boyfriend, but he’s busy with recruits and generally seems uninterested in being around you.

Not to worry though, the 141 is happy to show you a good time around base! Gaz and Johnny walk you through one of the obstacle courses, Simon lets you sit on his back for pushups during the last of his workout. Price takes you to the range and shows you the basics of shooting, then lets you catnap through the adrenaline drop in his office.

Your boyfriend only bothers to find you when Johnny and Simon are teaching you basic self-defense. Your boyfriend scoffs that you’re plenty protected by him, but you point out that he’s away too often to be of any real help — at which point Johnny tags you and bolts before your boyfriend can get all up in arms.

You only recognize that this little hurdle in your relationship has become a chasm when something happens. A big argument with your parents over the phone — you barely even remember what about. But instead of calling your boyfriend afterwards, your first call is to Gaz. (Because you know he’s the most likely to be free and paying attention to his phone.) You’re almost shocked when he picks up on the second ring. Your boyfriend has never answered on the first call.

When you try to explain through poorly-restrained tears, he coos at you to find a warm coffee shop and that they’ll be right there. “They” ends up being him and Johnny, since Simon and Price are locked up in an important meeting. They buy you hot chocolate and pastries while you vent to them, and end up leaving feeling better for once.

But you can’t break up with your boyfriend. Because if you do, the 141 will surely stop hanging out with you, and you value their company enough to put up with it.

At least until you come home one day to find all your little gifts gone. When you ask through a tight throat where everything is, your boyfriend says he was just making space. That you’ve been complaining that you two need a bigger flat, but now he’s solved the problem without wasting money.

You actually raise your voice for once, throwing an entire fit because this. This is the last straw. You storm into your bedroom, slam and lock the door, and call the 141.

A small part of you expects they’ll take his side or something. But nope. Simon soothes you on the other end, that the whole squad will be there in fifteen and to pack your stuff.

You do so while Price takes over and keeps you level. Reminds you of essentials to pack and explains that you’ll be coming to stay at his place, since he’s got off-base housing. It’ll be quiet and cozy and safe while you recover.

Five minutes away, they promise to be right there and end the call.

You could absolutely scream when your boyfriend — ex boyfriend — starts banging on the door. Demanding that you open the door to him. That you’re being over dramatic and blowing everything out of proportion. Using the “your emotional and irrational” line that you’ve heard a thousand times and are just about sick of.

Your heart stutters with relief when you hear the knocking at the apartment door, confused silence as your ex goes to see who it is. You take that moment to slip out, packed suitcase in hand.

You startle a bit at some commotion, round the corner to see your ex’s shirt bunched up in Johnny’s fists, looking ready kill him. No one seems inclined to pull him away; neither are you.

“How are you holding up, luv?” Gaz asks gently as Simon takes your bag.

“Been better,” you admit, sniffling as Price wraps you up in a hug.

“It was just things, luv,” he soothes, “we’ll get you a million more, if you like.”

You pull back to give him a miserable look. “But they were my things and they didn’t have to go anywhere. He just threw them out.”

Johnny snarls something out, but Gaz is already ushering you out the door. You tell your family about the break up through text and then shut off your phone, bundled into the backseat of an SUV with Gaz in the backseat. Price is in the front, all of you waiting for Simon and Johnny to come down.

“What now?” you ask quietly.

“Well, about time we cut that knob loose,” Price muses. “But that’s not your problem anymore.”

“Oh…

“And you, luv.” He looks at you through the rear view. “You get whatever you want.”