#allergy rant

[kitkatinahat]

Realize this is a rant about a medical issue I have, skip if you don't wanna read.

So I have a really bad allergy. Like, I need an epi-pen bad.

It's to lavender. Yes, the flower. Turns out a lot of people have sensitivities to it, I'm abnormal to have such a bad reaction.

I've been exposed to lavender so much that my reactions are almost immediate, which is again, not normal. Most people have a delayed reaction because lavender slows reactions.

Everyone I know irl knows this. They know to steer clear of anything with the label "fragrance" or "lavender." They still miss things though, and I suffer.

Just today someone came into the office I work at and I started to cough, I had to take meds and run away. I've been POISONED 5 DIFFERENT TIMES by fast food places because they used Fabulouso to clean the soda machines.

I get anxiety going out. I get anxiety meeting new people. I get anxiety going into buildings. I get anxiety when I see large groups of people. I get anxiety when someone gets me a drink that isn't sealed. I get anxiety each time I drop my kid off at his school. I get anxeity when someone knocks on my door.

I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm scared.

I need a service dog to warn me about exposure risks, and to help calm me down before I go places and when I get exposed. Or I could just wear a hazmat suit.

[kalgalen]

being able to choose to become vegan is in itself a privilege but some people aren't ready for that discussion yet

[bigmammallama5]

My parents bought their 4 bed 3.5 bath house 32 years ago for $145,000 (originally $200,000). This summer a similar house a block away (similar age, 4 bed 3.5 bath, slightly smaller lot) went up for $800,000. It's since been reduced to $650,000 and they put some more work into it, but it's still on the market. I know interest and investment and overall cost of living raise prices, but that just seems like highway robbery to me.

[dfwbwfbbwfbwf]

What does "kind as summer" even mean?

When I think of summer, I don't think of kindness. Where I live, it's either "you'll melt if you even think about going outside" or "you'll melt if you even think about going outside, and it's raining", and sometimes "you won't melt immediately upon going outside, but you might get hit by a tree or lightning, or possibly a tree getting hit by lightning".

I really hope Elrond isn't like that.

But I guess Tolkien lived in a place where the summer was a nice, mild 50-70 degrees Fahrenheit, so there's that.

Still, because of how summer is where I live, I characterize Elrond like this:

Elrond is kind, but he's not always nice. He is blunt and straightforward, and he says what he means and means what he says. He is usually gentle enough for his work as a healer, but if this is, say, the fifth time you broke your leg doing something stupid, he'll give you the Eyebrows of Doom™. He has a temper that he keeps well under control, but you can see the signs of him losing patience from afar off (so act accordingly). He's not above acting passive aggressive when he loses his temper, but it is very hard to push him to that point.

Maybe be more specific with your simile, Professor.

[zipperrants]

My will because my seasonal allergies are gonna fucking kill me

@theshifterbear you can have my boop badges

@romanoffshifting you can have my harry potter/ royal dr

@shiftingwithmars you can catch these dead hands bitch

@shiftingwithhale you can have my fame dr

@realitycanbewhateveridesire you can have my bg3 dr

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

Guys my life is literally hell right now!

My home used to be so fucking peaceful, idk WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING but in recent years we have had cyclones here and the power would be out for WEEKS!

Another one hit us and the power has been out for days. Luckily we have solar with a battery but for whatever reason the water doesn’t work right here. We can only have freezing cold water so cleaning ourselves is hard. I was doing JUSSSSST fine until the fourth day where I had a nightmare about my abusive ex friend and her love of torturing me and I just had a “shower/bath” by boiling some water and using a wet towel to rinse off soap and for whatever fucking reason I have these weird rashes all over my body! I just took some medicine and rubbed stuff on my rashes but I am so fucking sick and tired. Also the internet keeps glitching in and out and it’s hard to draw because for some dumb reason clip studio ONLY works if you’re connected to the stupid ass internet.

WHY DOES ALL THE BAD STUFF WAIT TO HAPPEN IN JUST ONE DAY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[artheresy]

I can’t stay quiet about this, I need to scream it to SOMEBODY ANYBODYYY

Dan Heng and Blade were Dan Feng and Yingxing. “Dh and Bld are Df and Yx!” Nope, their current selves aren’t them, that lacks nuance. “Dh and Bld aren’t Df and Yx!” THAT ALSO LACKS NUANCEE they are still connected and fundamentally shaped by their past identities, they aren’t entirely separate from them while also still being separate in a way. The best way I can describe it is like a venn diagram, there is overlap, but there also are still areas where they don’t.

To expand more, I wanna talk about the way they foil each other a bit in this sense. For Dan Heng, even if he is a botched rebirth, simply a “de-aged Dan Feng” not fully reborn, he is still not Dan Feng. While Dan Feng has made up the basis of his personality and he accepts him as his past, I think we forget that Dan Heng had his own entire childhood after the molting rebirth was completed. One he spent imprisoned by the Ten Lords Commission, and then he was exiled when he was old enough leading to his whole journey until he became apart of the Astral Express crew etc etc. Dan Heng is made up of a basis of Dan Feng + All of his own memories and experiences. While he shares traits with Dan Feng such as personality aspects like his stubbornness, his technique with a spear, and being able to connect with his old items, he also is very much himself with his own outlook and traits shaped by what he’s learned rather than what he has been born with. To treat him as if he is Dan Feng exactly is a disservice to both of their characters and the greater narrative that they apart of. He may still carry the burdens and karma of Dan Feng, but Dan Heng is still making his own future.

Now, Blade. Blade similarly is not Yingxing, not completely. Though he accepts Yingxing’s sin as his own and is intent of repaying the sin of Dan Feng and Yingxing (and getting Dan Heng to repay it too), there still are distinctions between him and Yingxing. In fact, I’d argue there are more things separating them. I could talk for so long again about the layered use of craftsmanship to connect, or rather disconnect, the two identities of Blade and Yingxing, but there’s more than that. “Now, ██ had died. His first — and only — death.” “From this moment on, that body will be the one and only "Blade."” Although Blade was Yingxing, a disconnect exists between them through the death of Yingxing. He awoke with no memories of his past, no even his name, until Jingliu came along, instilled in him her ideologies, made him remember, not only his past sins but the feeling of death so that he might inflict it onto others. As she said, he was reborn and had even given himself a name…

I want to add that the specific ways in which their current identities exist in proximity to their past ones foil each other. As I said, Dan Heng, in part as his sabotaged rebirth, is built upon the foundation of Dan Feng and all of his own experiences and memories. He has the capacity to gain back more memories of Dan Feng as his DH IL character stories outline, and though he is still himself and still moves forward, we see him accept his relation to Dan Feng eventually. Though that past life of his is clouded by fog and mist, he may eventually be able to push away the clouds that block him and understand more, about Dan Feng and in turn about himself. With Blade, it is so heavily emphasized in game from his relic lore to the very sword he uses that his mind is essentially broken, due both in part to the trauma of Jingliu’s “teachings” and the mara that was brought on by those lessons. He can’t fully remember everything about Yingxing, in fact actively remembering such or seeing familiar things is harmful to him. Like his shard sword, he is made of broken pieces, put together in a way that can never erase the cracks, and continuously shattering before being glued together again. His life is shaped by Yingxing’s past, the trauma he has endured is directly caused by his past actions. Unlike Dan Heng, he hasn’t had this whole life to build up and live. Though he’s experienced new things, they don’t shape him and change him in the way that Dan Heng’s built his identity up.

Where Dan Heng basically has supplements to Dan Feng’s identity that make him who he is, Blade is the broken shards and pieces of Yingxing that weren’t lost to the waves, making him who he is. Dan Heng is a next chance, finally free from the Preceptors’ control and of the role that stripped his past selves of their individuality, meanwhile Blade is the husk left behind of Yingxing’s regrets, broken by trauma caused due to Yingxing’s past actions, forever tormented by his past until he inevitably is able to die. If Dan Heng is more than just Dan Feng which is why he is separate but intertwined with him, than Blade is less than Yingxing, in a way that has caused such a severe disconnect that has caused Blade to have his own identity still shaped. And looking at this, not to again bring up my craftsmanship post about Blade, Dan Heng can connect to Dan Feng. He can clear the fog, remembering his memories through dreams even if he can’t fully connect emotionally to him, and he finds sentiment in many of items that once were his, smth not many Vidyadhara actually are capable of doing. To contrast, Blade is forever separated from connecting completely to Yingxing’s identity. His memories will always be fragmented, his own path entirely changed. He can’t connect to Yingxing’s past goals and passions, seen through the distinct decision made in his character stories to talk about how he can no longer use his hands to forge weapons (something that completely defined Yingxing’s life and legacy, tied to his childhood trauma and hatred of the Abundance, something that became his genuine passion), and how none of that mattered to Blade.

All of this, the ways they foil each other and the separation between their past selves and current, just makes me love their dynamic and their lore a lot. Makes me want to cry most days of my life if I’m honest. And it’s part of why I do take issue with the way nuance has completely left this argument, only having two extremes of “Dan Heng is Dan Feng!” Or “Dan Heng isn’t Dan Heng!” Again… Dan Heng WAS Dan Feng, he wouldn’t be Dan Heng without Dan Feng, but he is still himself. That’s part of the tragedy between them. They are still fundamentally defined and shaped by their past selves, similarities able to be spotted if they can be remembered, but they’ve also experienced so much that has changed them, and they can never truly go back to being Dan Feng and Yingxing. It would never be fully the same again.

[crazylittlejester]

The way this girl looked me dead in my eyes and said there were no nuts in the restaurant at all when I told her I was deathly allergic, and then I asked what oil they use in their frier because I have Trust Issues and she said pecan oil.

[gay-baby-brig]

Still inordinatly salty about that time I said I was so proud of Izzy’s character development and a thousand people jumped on to say "uuuuh cute that you just now noticed how funny and kind he is but there was no character development, he was always like that. Real Izzy fans know."

Sweetheart, babydoll, cute pie, sunchild, I am BEGGING you to understand that character development does not just mean a character who hated pudding in season one changed their mind and learned to love pudding in season two.

Character development also means a character loved pudding in season one and wasn't brave or comfortable enough to show how much they loved it until season two. That is the development of the character.

[jeff-the-box-boy]

Random sinner headcanons and stuff

This is not all my hcs, I have some for Vergil as well. This is probably most of the sinner hcs I have tho

Yi Sang

Enjoys fermented, rotten and spoiled foodstuffs

Kinda looks like a Victorian orphan (pale, thin, probably scrounges around on the floor for food)

Fibromyalgia, type 1 diabetes, nyctalopia, pica, depression, autism, depersonalization, sea sickness, motion sickness, nut allergy, pet spit allergy, (to be continued?)

Yi Sang and his multitude evil exes like Ramona Flowers (Dongrang, Dongbaek, Gubo)

Stupid sense of humor but he rarely laughs, mostly just smiles to himself when he makes a name pun or hears an accident innuendos

Doesn't like conflict, especially personal conflict with people he cares about

Faust

Autism, NPD, lactose intolerant, (to be continued possibly)

Has a special interest in trains, was much more prevalent in childhood (Still prevalent in adulthood, it's why everything seems kinda train themed despite them being on a bus)

Plus sized fat girl

Indulges in Yi Sang's stupid puns and stuff, sometimes making puns of her own with him

Don

ADHDtism, delusions of grandeur, probably schizophrenia or STPD, pet hair and spit allergy, (TBC)

Never gets bed head or knotty hair

Very strong arms

Fixated on the fixers part of the fixer fandom

Writes fixer fanfic

Ryoshu

Probably ASPD, (TBC)

Has favorites when it comes to the other sinners (Faust, Sinclair, and Hong Lu)

Was likely an artist for the ring in her past

Shibari enjoyer, mostly rigger but does not mind modeling

Meursault

Autism, SPD (schizoid), hypersexual, hyperthymesia, (TBC)

Studies the people around him and slightly changes how he acts around them to make conversation less of a hassle/go smoother (I have a few examples of this kinda happening in canon)

Keeps a mental list of things he likes and does not like about the other sinners:

How they treat him, things they say that stick out, reactions to things he does, random tidbits and pieces of backstories

Also has like an actual physical notebook but his memory is good enough, tends to be full of shockingly detailed and realistic sketches with very few notes

Collects scraps of newspapers, pictures, and documents he finds

May or may not have pocketed an old Gregor propaganda poster

Hong Lu

ADHDtism, pica, latex allergy, nut allergy, (TBC)

Vaguely multilingual (not fluent) and sometimes practices with the sinners, like speaking German with Sinclair and Gregor (he sounds very funny when he speaks german)

Emotionally intelligent

All of his questions are genuine, except sometimes he asks stupid questions specifically to annoy Heathcliff:

Sometimes he just wants to hear Heathcliff explain something even if he already knows about it

He also plays along with light jabs and insults Heathcliff does, falsely proving them correct (often making Heathcliff groan or very fuckimg confused)

Good with hair styling and decent with makeup, if the girls have sleepovers he's definitely invited to them

He eats lipstick and chapstick. He takes big fucking bites out of them. He likes mint flavored lip balm.

He often steals lipstick from Rodya seeing shes one of the few on the bus that uses it but he makes it up to her by buying her more expensive makeup or food

Heathcliff

Possible IED, inferiority complex, C-PTSD, lactose intolerant, (TBC)

Lower empathy for rich people; higher empathy for poor people

Like using nicknames, they come naturally to him

Defaults to things like "bloke" and "lass" but he does have a few sinner specific ones

Ishmael

OCD, cyclothymia, Insomnia, nut allergy, (TBC)

Distracts herself with busy work, shes always trying to do something

If she has nothing to do she often stims or fiddles around with stuff like her hair, her fingers, or bounces her leg and stuff

Doesn't like feeling useless or inadequate

Showers and cleans herself multiple times a day

"scrubbing the sea water/whale spit(?) off"

Rodya

HPD, possible BPD, dyslexia, gambling addict, binge eater, inferiority-superiority complex, lactose intolerant, (TBC)

Left handed but claims ambidexterity

"Wanna hear something to get your brain thinking?" Proceeds to say some stupid shit that seems like it could be philosophical but it's actually a big nothing burger (sometimes Yi Sang actually tries towards interpret her nonsense in an actual poetic way)

Tries her hardest to ignore and not face problems, especially her own

Sinclair

Severe anxiety, DPD, PTSD, dyscalculia, possible BPD, nut allergy, pollen allergy, (TBC)

He has many bad habits that have stuck with him since childhood/school

Biting his nails and cuticles up while stressed

Not drinking enough water (doesn't want to pee during class/a meeting)

Waits till the end of a briefing to ask questions or for help 

Wears his gloves to stop his nail biting 

He also just has really cold hands

He's bites the inside of his cheeks when he can't bite his nails

Internalized homophobia but like.. in a weird way. Like. Does gay things but, either feels bad abt it, like guilty, or tries to make not gay excuses for it. But like only for himself?

Projects self hatred and his trauma on his enemies, which makes it easier for him to attack them

When both him and Demian are asleep at the same time they can share dreams and interact with each other in them

Outis

Autism, possible PTSD, latex allergy, (TBC)

She's a kiss-ass towards Dante because she had to be a kiss-ass during the war in order to move up in position

Kinda glues herself to Dante's side, she explains things that don't need explained or says she's gonna protect them (Ishmael does it better) (Dante doesn't bother trying to get Outis to stop)

The oldest sinner (until proven not)

Looks down on many of the other sinners, she kinda ranks them in her head (waste of breath, fixable, I can work with this, decent, the manager)

Gregor

Autism, PTSD, survivor's guilt, immunocompromised, pollen allergy, latex allergy, other possible allergies,  seasonal depression, disassociation

Doesn't really know how to take a compliment since he doesn't usually get complimented 

TOUCH STARVED.

Has long antenna coming from his head along with the bug arm, also unfinished/underutilized/healed over wings that sometimes nub up under his back when he's stressed but don't break through his skin (like g corp Greg's wings)

Whenever he's in battle his eyes kind of glaze over and he disassociates, buggy bits kinda take over

Gregor doesn't like killing especially when it's not very necessary, makes him think of the war and his buddies 

Gregor also has watery eyes, this is not specifically during battle but just in general. Sometimes when he lays on his side the eye on that side starts to tear up and leak

During intense moments, little bits of exoskeleton and chitin harden on him; like a patch of shell on the side of his or his buggy shoulder extends up a bit

Actually prefers stale or slightly turned food since he got modified but he doesn't tell anyone cause he's embarrassed and kind of ashamed of it (based on book Gregor not liking fresh food and only eating rotten or bad food, but less intense)

Dante

Amnesia, latex allergy, some kind of chronic pain (arthritis possibly), (TBC)

Nonbinary they/them intersex clock with a pair of sick tits (Dante deserves boobs)

Actual like. Dark gray skin 

Usually a bit of a nervous loser but occasionally has bouts of confidence/competence/authority similar to how they were from before they lost their head

Also likes to keep themself busy with work similar to Ishmael (they are trying their hardest to be a really good manager despite being thrown into this role suddenly)

Communicates with people that aren't the sinners through writing, simple sign language (they're still learning), making a sinner translate, or tracing letters on people

Gets phantom pains all the time, especially is a sinner died an exceptionally painful death recently

Clock has feeling like a real head

Gets repairs and check ups for their internal mechanisms, the clock even more sensitive inside the clock. all the wires and gears and stuff feel strange

Gregor and Ryoshu sometimes take smoke breaks with each other or light each others cigarettes 

Meursault and Heathcliff sometimes "play dress up" or "cosplay" with Don, Heathcliff refuses to be anything that's not somewhat badass though (Meursault has worn a dress before. Meursault does not talk about this incident.)

Outis and Gregor have a mutual kind of respect, and disdain for each other. They respect each other as veterans. Outis is a bit disappointed in his deserting and not seeing the war till the end. Gregor is freaked out by her "at least I didn't die" mindset compared to his "why was I the one that had to live" mindset

Gregor empathizes greatly with Dante whenever he sees them being dehumanized because of their prosthetic. He actively tries to talk and befriend Dante to make sure they never feel lonely or worthless

Gregor and Yi Sang both have midnight cravings and they dig through the dining room trash can for stale food. One night they both ran into each other in the dark while making their way to the trash can, Gregor nearly exploded in embarrassment. They don't talk about it, or at least Gregor doesn't. Both of them think about it pretty often though, more often then they'd expect

[mejomonster]

Huge health milestone. I can eat ricotta cheese again <3

[lynx-sunfall]

As someone who has a lot of physical and mental issues, I now refer to myself as a medical rarity, and I mean that literally.

My medical list goes from common things that are seen as "normal" disorders like scoliosis or Raynaud's, to autism, celiac, and some form of hypermobility, to being allergic to actual water (including your own tears or sweat).

I've spent the past decade trying to understand what was wrong with me, only to keep finding more things along the way. I used to find it very distressing to not have the words to describe why I'm acting or feeling this way, now I wish I could go back. It was so much easier to just say I'm weird and don't like something than to explain how eating most foods could potentially cause me to be in a hospital for cancer within 20 years or how I don't cry much because crying burns my skin for hours.

Some things are easier to explain how it feels like the endometriosis, I don't know how it forms technically, but I can describe it to others as the symptoms of your appendix rupturing. Others it's harder to explain like POTS because "what do you mean your vision blacks out completely and your heart rate goes to 150 when you stand up?"

So here I am now with an ever growing diagnosis list, having more answers than I've ever had before, wanting to go back to when I was younger and could just blame it on my taste buds changing with age or things not feeling good on my skin for clothes. I don't know if that's selfish of me, but I'm sick of being sick. I mean yeah, not having answers to serious problems can be terrible for your well being, but also, sometimes I just want to lie to myself and pretend like all those problems are just a made up story.

I have so many answers, so why is it so hard for me to accept them?

[bigmammallama5]

u know ur muscles in your calves are Too Tight when your pt guy is digging in and finding all the Actual Muscle Knots that make you want to jump off the table lmao

[punk-dad-sharkz]

i hope every person who makes fun of food allergies has a warm pillow on both sides and has wet socks forever and ever. I hope they have a paper cut and then get lemon juice on it.

[zevrans-remade]

.

[fjilde]

Im so tired

I have had a terrible allergy attack for about 3 weeks now, im spending most of my time in bed. I live at my school so my teacher and the staff are constantly buggin me about getting better, im trying but its not like i have any control over it>:(

I havent been to class the last 3 weeks, tomorrow is the beginning of the last week of school, i really hope I get better soon(immediately) because we are going on a bunch of fun trips this week and i dont want to miss it.