#did you know that i have done 8 years worth of desensitization

[punk-dad-sharkz]

i hope every person who makes fun of food allergies has a warm pillow on both sides and has wet socks forever and ever. I hope they have a paper cut and then get lemon juice on it.

[that-one-depressed-author]

Oh! Look at that! Melody’s server mod stepping into an issue that didn’t even concern him!

Well, hello good Sir! Thank you for making my morning magical! Because now I get to deal with someone wanting to be a ‘civil adult’ about an issue that they were not at all apart of!

I’m gonna try and format this the way you did, just to make this easier to read!

- I will admit that I may have been a bit hasty in accusing Melody of favoritism, I’ve had issues with my own self worth in the past that have caused me to be paranoid about things. So, for that, I will apologize.

-You may have not been online at the time this was happening, but Melody admitted to me that she was just watching it happen. If this person was already a problem, it shouldn’t matter if they react badly to being reprimanded. As the owner and moderators of a server, it is your responsibility to ensure that problem people are taken care of. Also, way to pin it on the victim. I am a very non-confrontational person, once again, due to my own trauma from past experiences. I had people in power consistently belittle me and refuse to listen to me when I told them what was happening. But apparently, because I didn’t speak up, I’m the one in the wrong!

-Could you please explain to me how my OCs are harmful? Because I genuinely don’t see it. The set of OCs based on the Seven Deadly Sins are not in any way connected to the biblical ones! I did what many others have done and used the idea of the sins as a way to make a character! And even then, the Seven Deadly Sins are not just limited to Christianity and Catholicism and have been shown in other religions and various adaptations! Now, I am not Christian or Catholic due to religious trauma, and I did say to Melody in that very same private call where I brought up my Ten Commandment OCs that they were based on the anime! But for some reason, she didn’t mention that to you!

-I did state I was tired and not willing to argue! Though the message is lost by now, I told Melody that I was just going to go to bed and we could talk later because I was so tired my eyesight was getting blurry! As mentioned in my original post, I woke up to this without any warning or indication of it happening!

Now, here’s where your ‘debunking’ loses all of its validity:

-Child Porn? Really? I already said I wasn’t going to debate Nezha’s age and I’m still not! Instead, let’s talk about what you have done! You and many others in the LMK community, including Melody, desensitize the heinous crime of Pedophilia! You call others Pedophiles over a fictional character! You are the disgusting one here! A picrew of one of my OCs and Nezha is not on the same level as taking inappropriate photos and videos of CHILDREN! I am 17 and have an 8-year-old brother at home! If someone were to ever do such a disgusting thing to him, I’d be furious!

- Are you Chinese? Is Melody Chinese? Does anyone in that god-forsaken server come from Chinese descent and has lived or been taught Chinese culture? Many LMK fans who are Chinese and have been raised around this culture have spoken out about how what you’re doing is harmful! But every time they are accused of not knowing their own culture! You claim that I don’t listen to Buddhist texts and yet you and Melody completely ignore a Chinese text that came BEFORE Journey to the West: Fengshen Yanyi! Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that text is where Nezha’s origin story comes from and follows his life to I believe the age of 26! Journey to the West has been shown multiple times to contradict stories that existed before it! Also, if you can find me an accurate source claiming that Nezha is a child that was made before 2015 and valid, I will be surprised! Because that seems to be how far back this all goes!

-And, no. I did not know that everyone in the server were people who believed he was twelve! Because when I first joined, it was when Melody was still doing writings for Nezha! It’s actually a little suspicious that she only stopped after my ban!

- I didn’t question the reason behind her nicknames, I simply stated that despite having those names she does not act like them.

-I didn’t try and talk to her? Really? That’s news to me considering I did try to message her before I went to check her blog! And guess what! Not only was I banned, but I couldn’t contact Melody due to the fact she blocked me! I was completely cut off from talking to her other than sending her an ask to her blog! And I didn’t need that to be public! I didn’t have your discord nor did I have anyone else’s in the server because I was still adjusting!

-I agree with you to a point here! People are responsible for their actions. Like I said before, I probably would have lashed out too if not for the fact that I got ahold of a close friend of mine! But, Melody is responsible too. She didn’t have to make a post about my ban, she could’ve kept it in the server! And you completely ignored that fact in favor of doing what she has done: painting her as the victim. There are three consecutive times where Melody has banned someone from her server, and then made a post about it on her blog that was not needed! That is baiting to get a reaction!

Now, I am not going to respond to you anymore after this! Because you didn’t have to come in here and make this nonsensical ‘debunking’ that completely ignored parts of my original post. Melody is blocked on this blog for a reason and will stay blocked. But, if she wants to speak to me and clear up the ‘misunderstanding’ that happened here, she is more than welcome to unblock me on Discord! From what I have seen, she is not wanting to discuss this and has sent you in her stead.

I can’t really believe that I’m posting this at…

*checks time*

1:47 AM!

But, I’m tired of being silent and now have the motivation and energy to come forward!

I’m here to share my experience with Melody (yanderelmk)!

Let it be known that I could not write, draw, or even look at myself in the mirror after this happened for a good month!

Hello, everyone! Those of you from the Yandere!LMK Discord Server may remember me as Goat! In this post, I will be discussing my experience with the server and its owner, Melody. I want to go ahead and tell you all to not bother Melody or her blog, instead, go straight for the block button. This post is just meant to be a cautionary tale and hopefully provide insight and validation to those she is near or has hurt.

Here's a bit of context to the events leading up to my ban from Melody’s server. I had been stalking Melody’s blog for a little bit before I joined the server, and when I saw the Shauna situation, I felt like I needed to respond. I also have extreme bipolar disorder and ADHD, and even I didn't respond the way Shauna did. So, after making an anon emoji combination for Melody’s blog, I joined the server.

When I joined, I was a social anxiety-ridden mess, but I was welcomed with open arms. My own trauma from past friend groups clouded the already well-hidden red flags. Looking back, I noticed some things.

I noticed that when I first joined the server, everything I sent (drawings, writings, character-inspired makeup, etc.) was showered with love and praise. But the longer I was there, it slowed to a stop. Meanwhile, everyone who was close to Melody and in her inner circle got most of the attention and praise. I may be petty, but I am not jealous.

I noticed that Melody did little to talk about people causing problems and simply watched from the side. When someone was saying that their character would unalive mine because I shipped mine with the same character, Melody said nothing to stop it in the channel. But, later during a private call, she admitted she was watching it happen and didn't know whether or not to step in. As the server owner, she and her moderators should try and keep the peace when she sees something wrong.

And finally, I noticed that Melody had a bad habit of bringing up things that happened somewhere else where they didn't need to be brought up. Which leads me to my next topic: the events leading up to and the reason for my ban.

A little while before my ban, someone (I don’t remember who) had sent some Twitter fan art of the LMK characters as FNAF animatronics. And we all reacted positively, a few of us including myself talking about making it an AU.

So, Melody hosted a role play. I had used one of my OCs for this little role play, mainly her human design. We went for a few hours and when we had to stop, it was six in the morning.

Now, I had not slept for the past two days and was ready to pass out on my couch after a few after-role-play messages. I believe we had started talking about what our OCs would be like in a FNAF!AU and I had brought up one of my ocs whom I made with a group of friends and was the embodiment of lust.

Someone had mentioned and compared my OC to Asmodeus, the biblical king of lust. In my delirious, sleep-deprived state, I had incorrectly worded my message. I had said that I would say Asmodeus was a former sin of lust and my OC was the current one.

This was not what I had meant, I had meant using the name Asmodeus as a reference, not the actual biblical figure. And even then, I would have shortened it to make it even more of a reference. (ex: Ozzie, Azzy, Moudes, etc.) But, for some unknown reason to me, Melody had an issue with this.

She started an argument with me about how Asmodeus was from Christian religion and that it was offensive to Buddhism or something. I’m gonna be honest, the details are a bit fuzzy. In an effort to make me look like the bad guy, she brought up another set of OCs me and my friend group had made that were based around the Ten Commandments. (Also, I didn’t even use the biblical Ten Commandments because those are paragraphs, I used the ones from the Seven Deadly Sins anime!) These OCs were mentioned in that same private call outside the server!

Melody, being more awake than me, sent several messages in quick succession, not allowing me to get a word in or get my thoughts together. And as always, the person who could get more of a word in wins. Me, being half awake and ready to fall asleep, told Melody I was going to bed and would continue to talk about this later because I was tired and didn’t feel like arguing with her.

I woke up at around five in the afternoon and decided to go into the server and apologize for how I acted and let Melody know I was ready to talk. Only to find the server missing from the list.

Confused, I went to check Melody’s Tumblr blog to see if something happened or if I was banned by mistake. Instead, I found that Melody had made a post about banning me over a picrew I had made.

I will admit, the picrew was BDSM themed and it did include Nezha. But, I was not the first person to send it nor was I the only one who participated. Melody herself participated with one of her OC and Macaque. I will also admit that I forgot to spoil the picrew I made due to being tired.

However, I am not here to get into the ‘NeZhA iS tWeLvE’ debate. I'm here to share what I experienced with Melody and her server.

Here's what could've been done instead of straight-up banning me: talking to me about the image and asking me to spoil or delete it! I was given no warning of my ban, only waking up to it and seeing the post about it! She had made no effort to message me or inform me!

Alright, now that you have all of the info and my side of the story, time for a little analysis. I am a major psychology lover due to my own mental problems and I adore learning about the human mind.

Melody’s two nicknames in her server are ‘Queen’ and ‘Mother’. She is not either of these things.

A queen looks after her subjects, a mother looks after her children. Melody, on the surface, appears to look after the people in her server. But as someone who's seen beneath that surface and experienced people like this long before I met her, she is anything but.

Melody invites people into her server, welcomes them, and smothers them with affection. Then, when they aren't so new anymore, she winds to a stop and focuses on the people in her inner circle.

Melody watches over above, looking at everything and everyone in her server with the eye of a hawk. Waiting and biding her time for them to give her a reason.

Then, when she gains that person’s trust, makes them let down their walls around her, she sees them do something she doesn't like, and she finally has her reason. She strikes.

She removes them from the safe environment she builds around them and feeds them to the wolves. She takes mentally unwell people and puts them in an unsafe environment where they can be harmed.

She wounds them so they aren't thinking straight and baits them to lash out with posts on her Tumblr blog so she can paint herself as the victim. And once they do lash out, she links the places where people can attack them in the form of a ‘call-out’.

Have you noticed the fact that everyone Melody bans and posts about, deletes their blog? Now, I am not excusing these people's actions. But, no one should be put in an unsafe environment where they can be harassed and threatened.

In fact, I’m sure I would’ve been in a similar situation had I not gotten a hold of a close friend of mine. She comforted me, calmed me down, and distracted me from Melody. Her support and love allowed me to be the bigger person and not respond, blocking Melody and removing the problem.

But, I’m stubborn and tired of being the bigger person.

Melody is a manipulator and an abuser.

Let my story be a cautionary tale on these kinds of people. And, don’t harass Melody over this. If you do, you’re no better than her. Instead, go straight for the block button.

[emerald-studies]

Racism in Education

June 27, 2020

Day 6 of 7

[ These are just some thoughts I have in my head about this topic, it isn’t meant to be a purely academic discussion. It’s meant to be a conversation to learn about another perspective. ]                                                

—-    

Ok this will be my most challenging post. This is a long read but I’d appreciate you reading it all because I’ve been doing free emotional labor for almost a month and if you want to be an ally, that means learning from other perspectives. So please read. This drained me so much to write, please make it worth it. 

You have the time, please read.

As I stated in my intro, I moved from a very conservative State (I don’t even want to say the State because I hate it so much.) to Washington State. I moved after graduating online school a year ago. 

Growing up in that State I was almost always the only Black girl in my class. For my whole educational career. I hated when we would discuss the civil rights movement because I could feel my White peers staring at me, like I was the face of my race. 

It was junior year that broke me. 

I began the year optimistic. I always did, even though I had experienced racism before each year, pushing me to move to 4 different schools in 4 years. 

I moved to a school in a rural area with a lot of mormons and maybe 5 Black people in the whole, huge school. 

It was in September that my mental health plummeted. I don’t know why. I guess I was overwhelmed. I was in an AP US History class and there was work over the summer that everyone else did, but I didn’t. I had just gotten there, after all. I didn’t have the textbook. That class was such a heavy workload that we were having a quiz every other day, 1 test a week, and I was trying to study for a test that my peers had months to study for, and already took. 

I attempted to take my life, but I knew I didn’t really mean it. I’ll be honest about that. I just wanted everything to stop so I could catch my breath. 

I went to the ER on a Thursday night. My Mom drove me. 

We sat in the ER for a little bit and then I was taken to a little room where a nurse came to talk to me. BTW I have never had a good interaction with a nurse.

This nurse came in and basically shamed me. 

“You’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to do this to yourself.”

Yeah, no shit. I thought about that every day. My grades, getting into college, getting into law school.... that’s the point. I was overwhelmed. 

She suggested that I punch a pillow if I “Got upset” because that’s what her daughter does. 

Fuck off. 

The Doctor came in and he gave me butterfly bandages and he was so much more understanding, shockingly. (I’ve shadowed Surgeons and Doctors and they can be a little abrasive).

I liked that the Doctor fixed me up. I liked having this wrap around my wrist. I felt like I could move on. Like I let something out. 

The Doctor asked if I needed to stay at this place that dealt with cases like mine. 

I said,

 “No.”

I couldn’t have that on my record for what I want to do. So, I went home.

I took the Friday off and my Mom visited the school to let them know what happened. I was already preparing for pity.

I had to come in on Monday to set up a 504 (students with disabilities act) for depression. I don’t think I had depression, but whatever. I dropped out of AP US History.

They made accommodations for me: more time on tests, working in the library, more time on assignments, etc.

I want you to know that I did not touch those accommodations for 5 months. 

I knew I didn’t need them. I maintained a 3.8 GPA.

I sat in a room with all 8 of my teachers (we had a block schedule 4 classes per day alternating), seeing all of them look at me with disgusting levels of pity.

They each talked to me in private saying things like,

“If you ever need anything, let me know.”

“I’m here for you.”

“You matter.”

I thought,

 “Hm ok, that’s nice.”. 

I went on for months without using my accommodations and practically wooping my “normal” classmates in intellectual discussions.

But then the casual racism I experienced was escalating. 

First, in the beginning of the year, my AP US History teacher put his hand on my head and said to a student,

“If you really believe that, Faith would be a slave right now.”

(I don’t remember what the hell we were even talking about)

Then I got little questions/comments like,

“Why do you dress White?”

“Cracker is just as offensive as the n-word”

But now we were going into Black History Month. My new history teacher was an old White Man and we were talking about the civil rights movement, while in English we were reading “Black Like Me” with my blonde, Female, millennial teacher.

I nailed everything in the civil rights movement discussions. The teacher loved me. I nailed the conversations about “Black Like Me”. 

But....I don’t know. The environment got really toxic. There was more racism, gaslighting, slurs. Every. single. day. It could break anyone.

I would be on the brink of tears in class every day. 

Guess who didn’t notice? 

All 8 of those concerned teachers. 

They don’t give a shit. 

My grades were still pretty good, but I started working in the library. I couldn't be around all of those racist peers. 

While in the library, my counselor would come in and interrogate me. 

“How long have you been in here?”

“Have you tried, really tried to go to class?”

Of course I tried! I felt like I wanted to be dead and so I left. That’s what the 504 Plan was for. Again, I hadn’t touched my accommodations for months so I thought maybe these grown adults would use their tiny brains and think,

“Huh maybe she needs help.”

But no. 

I would go to the counselor almost every day and say 

“I’m not doing well.”

And she’d ask,

“What does that mean?”

Ok...so I have to tell this Woman that I feel like dying but not at my own hand? Because she can’t use social cues and read my face stained with tears?

I couldn’t say anything. 

She said,

“What can we do to keep you going here?”

I said,

“I don’t know”

Because that’s not my job.

Then it happened. 

My history teacher was talking about affirmative action.

He said,

“If I worked at a bank for 30 years and went to work at another bank, FAITH would get a job over me because she’s a BLACK WOMAN. Do you get that? She covers TWO minorities!” 

He said this while pointing his wrinkled finger in my face.

None of my peers said anything.

I replied with,

“Well, what are my qualifications?”

He ignored me.

He went on a rant teaching his opinions, not facts. So I wrote down what he said on sticky notes. 

I called my Mom at break and asked her

“Is that racist? Do I do anything?”

I was so desensitized to racism I couldn’t tell anymore.

My White Mom, my awesome Mom said,

“YES.”

I went to the Vice Principal and reported the teacher and gave her the sticky notes. 

The next day we got an email from the principle saying that the teacher said, he never said anything about me.

So I was a liar?

To get evidence, I recorded the whole next class. I was scared every minute that he would find out. 

He didn’t. And he said more awful things.

I had concrete proof.

We told the Principal and he ignored me. My Mom emailed the superintendent (very high up person in the school district) and oh now he responds? 

They basically said,

“We gave him a warning, he won’t do it again.”

Ok so he just will hide his racism now. Just remember, teachers legally aren’t allowed to teach their opinion. The Supreme Court deemed it unconstitutional to teach opinions.

I was still required to go to this racist Man’s class. I still answered every question he posed to the class and he recognized my intelligence. 

So WHY?

WHY me?

The whole year he loved having me as a student and then....that?

Moving on to my English class.

We had to do a cultural experience trip and so my acquaintance and I went to the Black History Museum. Because I’m Nigerian-American. I do identify as Black though because everyone assumes it anyways, but I wanted to learn more about the history in my city.

We were required to make presentations talking about the experience we had. I decided to add a little twist. 

I made a whole slide in my slideshow dedicated to every racist thing said to me in that class. 

The slide was met with laughter because racism is just so funny.

My teacher said nothing. 

So I, the student, the minor in the room, had to say,

“I see you laughing but this is why I’m leaving this school. This is serious.”

Nothing from my teacher. 

Cut to maybe a week later and I was done. I was sitting in my English class about to burst. My acquaintance asked me,

“Are you doing ok?”

I replied,

“No. Absolutely not.”

A classmate checked in on me, while all my 8 teachers who actually knew about my attempt on my life didn’t.

We went outside and I decided to leave the school that day. Three weeks before summer break. I couldn’t be in either class anymore. I felt my brain rotting from being exposed to the absolute shit that those students/teachers would spew, every day.

I lost my 3.8 GPA

I lost my credits for the semester.

The racist teacher is still working.

I had to go online.

It happened again.

Another racist history teacher. 

Wasn’t removed.

I graduated with a lower GPA.

Didn’t apply to my dream school.

I have the trauma seared into my brain. I’m terrified of taking another history class. Terrified.

Ok, that’s it. If you made it this far, thank you. It took me awhile to write this. I hope this gave you another perspective. 

--

So.... discussion time. 

Let me know what you think here

I’d like to hear from you since I delved into my trauma. 

I don’t think I’ll ever tell this story again, it makes me sick and tired. But I’ll answer questions/asks.

If you have a lot of White guilt and wanna do something, you could donate some reparations to my venmo lol: 

@faithrebecca1397 (last 4 digits are 4809)

or paypal

http://www.paypal.me/faithrebecca1397

Edit: People are asking me if they can reblog this. YES PLEASE REBLOG. It’s important to let people know that all types of racism are alive and well.

[mattamyers]

My long journey of healing has continued

It’s been years since my last blog post. I’ve decided I will start to post a log of my days, when my mental energy allows, when I feel well or positive or organized enough to do so. I’m not sure how this practice will evolve, however I’m wanting to actively start sharing my story, where I’m at, so people can start to get to know me - and what my days are like, how my life is hopefully evolving, moving forward - as well as the difficulties I face daily. What’s changed most recently is that the last stem cell treatment I did in the Cayman Islands has improved my executive function and recovery time from activity more, where posting regularly of longer form text seems like a possibility now - at least in this fairly stream of consciousness, limited organizational executive function way. Unfortunately the post-LASIK eye pain (corneal neuralgia) has proved itself to be the mainstay of pain, causing the majority of the executive function disruption, dysfunction. Yes, I struggle dealing with a varying degree of severity of being suicidal. No, once I decide I can’t do this anymore then I will not be letting anyone know - I have already tried multiple times to get help in our healthcare system, to which I was exposed to what in the future will be considered barbaric care provided due to a number of factors, however heavily due to indoctrination and a lack of multidisciplinary understanding and care; as which as I hopefully am able to share, you will see highlighted in my multiyear effort to help save Taylor, a friend, save her from from the broken system and from herself and her coping mechanism, who is trapped in it due to the funnel toward hospitalization and under care of the non-multidisciplinary care of psychiatric doctors - where that profession somehow has been allowed to capture and have a monopoly on a person’s care even if physical symptoms play a primary role in their dis-ease; the system having allowed her dis-ease progression to continue over years - most recently seeing how inadequate and arguably negligent care provided by not only doctors who are in control of her during hospitalization but also by legal aid that was provided her.

I’m not inherently broken, I’m not clinically depressed. As I’ve healed myself further and follow holistic health practices I’ve strengthened my nervous system, and unfortunately that has only had the affect of allowing me to feel pain more clearly, sharply - in higher definition, resolution. I can still smile, have a conversation - story tell and reason. What’s difficult for people to understand is how the constant, strong pain that refers from my eyes (primarily right eye) affects and sensitizes my nervous system - how that is a constant battle that exhausts me mentally and causes my executive function to be greatly impaired as well - increasingly so with added stress, physical or emotional - and tied to that the more potential emotion or stress tied into a decision, with more complex decisions being worse or having a stronger aversion, the more difficult it is to move forward - to get past the pain. Most of my days, weeks, are full of frustrations, exhaustion, of reminders of where I am at and what my life is like - how stagnant it is. I do my best to be on a positive line of thought, to having and being able to hold onto hope - for my projects and toward finding a solution that may help me tolerate the eye pain by reducing it further.

If I can successfully rally my designer friends to be able to help focus me and to help move the presentation forward for my greater plans, my vision for a health-wellness differentiated ecosystem - and ultimately towards building a city to compete with the status quo - their help to develop and refine the plan, then they may give me enough hope to keep fighting through the eye pain until hopefully research finds a solution to heal it with stem cells, regenerative medicine.

January 29, 2020

8:35am

I’ve parked myself now at Balzac’s Ryerson. I took the bus and had three nice interactions on the way. The first was letting someone who was running for the bus and about to get an an almost crammed bus, that another bus was right behind. He thanked me and made sure I got on first. At the next stop a man was at the back doors which I was sitting behind, however no one was getting out - I tried to push the bars to open the door but the green lights weren’t on since the stop wasn’t requested. He thanked me, smiling as he walked towards me from the front. The final interaction was the man sitting next to me, who turned out to one a first year student at Ryerson in Urban and Regional Planning. He was reading a book by Jane Jacobs, which I asked if it was worth reading. I told him first that after high school I first went to Ryerson, in his current program, though filtered myself out after first year due to not seeing myself having that career for the next 40+ years; irony perhaps that all along I was developing necessary skills, knowledge, and experience toward creating my New City and New City model. Everyone else on the bus was relatively asleep, unengaged, unsocial.

8:50am

I hadn’t used my laptop much yesterday, except a little before bed and the screen at a distance - less than 5 minutes really. Today I’m already feeling the eye pain increasing significantly compared to what I felt anytime yesterday, and how much it’s distracting my thinking, mental organization.

9:05am

Since my last stem cell treatment in the Cayman Islands significantly healing in particular my cervical and lumbar spine, I can be more mobile and the pain is reduced enough where if I don’t completely overdo it, I can have some level of executive function to manage myself. However now I am able to experience this contrast of more mobility - which keeps me away from my laptop screen - with how strongly my laptop screen triggers the burning sensation, pain of my eyes (most noticeably my right eye) and its cascading symptoms of headache and fascial tension increasing in my body. My focusing ability is decreasing from where I started before being in front of my screen, however how far it will degrade compared to before, I am still getting used to - however I can feel a building mental exhaustion as I’m having to counter, push against the aversion caused by the increase of pain triggered by the laptop screen light.

9:21am

My right eye more easily wants to shut too, an autonomous guard mechanism to protect itself, compared to yesterday throughout most of the day.

9:50am

I have been wanting to focus on, direct my attention, to finishing - so I can conclude my attention - the past week, especially the last few days, of a very heavily emotional and stressful event where I’ve been trying my best to help save a close friend I’ve known for a few years - to save her from herself, and from our healthcare system that has been adequate and negligent in her care - and is currently hospitalized, again, where he disease progression has been able to worsen because of specific, narrow scope of psychiatric care ignoring the importance of body health — in Taylor’s case needing proper treatment - a safe container, environment - to treat gut, sensory disorder (hypersensitivity; autistic characteristic), and for

“The lesser of two evils” - sharing Taylor’s story from my observations vs. being afraid and not exposing the system with an actual real person, case study to reference in high detail from a narrow and holistic view - while respecting privacy and not exposing any identifiable details that only doctors or other people Taylor shared with could would be the “lesser of two evils” as Taylor likes to say; and hopefully everyone has the integrity and rigor to not share what they shouldn’t, particularly if bound by privacy laws.

10:28am

As the body pain, from walking the amount I have today - from house to closest TTC bus stop, from destination stop to cafe, and around cafe a bit to purchase tea, water refills, and bathroom break(s) - has been calming, desensitizing, localizing - I’m more clearly able to feel the tension and soreness referring from my right eye, down through my right ear, down back of my neck on right side, and so on. When I close my eyes, right eye in particular, the desensitizing, localization can start to unwind relatively quickly before compared to the Cayman Islands treatment - however the discomfort is still quite distracting. I am curious — and afraid to go to acupuncture again, which I went too a short bit before going to the Caymans - not having done acupuncture for at least 2 years — to see how strongly acupuncture now will clear as it does, and how strongly it leaves me specifically and clearly feeling the right eye pain as an intense burning, searing sensation - which last time lasted for 8 hours or so, that sensation only diminishing as my body re-sensitized and therefore masked out the perception of the eye pain; it makes me wonder if others who have done LASIK, if they had clearly flowing, non-stagnant energy to begin or even if doing acupuncture for long enough to open their energy flows up  - would experience post-LASIK symptoms differently, more clearly than before opening their body up; similarly regarding Ayahuasca ceremonies, marijuana use, or other psychedelics.

I believe more now too that since the neck and jaw pain has been healed more - reducing the masking, allowing me to more clearly feel what’s going on in these sensitization vs. localization flows/cycles due to pain - that the right eye pain’s referring pain sensitizes (makes hypersensitive) the tissue on the right side of my jaw increases, the soreness, and pain increases - even with limited to no use from chewing food (I haven’t eaten yet today). The sensitization of my teeth seems more clear now too, which at the moment I can feel much more than when I first woke up this morning - in line with the jaw pain increasing too.

11am

I just stepped away to the bathroom to go pee. As I was sitting — something I’ve been doing for a long while because for a long time was too difficult to relax enough to pee standing, my body didn’t trust standing if more relaxed — I closed my eyes and let myself relax as much as I could. During this time I could start feeling muscles in my jaw and face on the right side fluttering, spasming some. I hadn’t felt the jaw muscles spasms, fluttering before, only muscles around and closer to my right eye that I could feel where that’d happen — something I haven’t actually written much about or maybe not even at all; it’s the muscles being able to start relaxing but still not quite able to, with the reduced constant pain of my eye being closed for that short period after sensitization.

I’m able to more easily notice, along side with the pattern cascading from the right eye pain when I open my eyes each morning, when sitting and trying to be in a more relaxed state, in slouching posture and using back of chair to rest again — that my neck still wants to go into a more back and to a right position — something that before I couldn’t as easily allow, because perhaps the guard mechanism pattern was pulling my neck back too strongly, from there being too much pain being referred; it’s possible that that guard mechanism is triggered, such as that if say a “present moment” injury to the eye was occurring — a good, natural quick, rapid action reflex, would be to pull your head back and away; it was only in the last few months that I started theorizing that, and now that I’ve continued to have substantial neck pain from injuries healed - I wonder 1 )how much is still due to remaining injury, 2) how much is due to old patterns that need time to trust the neck and surrounding tissues are safe (as they dance and slowly heal with physiotherapy etc), and 3) how much of that reflex is caused by the referring pain from my right eye?

12:22pm

I can feel that I’m still reconnecting to and slowly processing stress from the last week, the last few days. It’s good, very good that my body can start to processing things emotionally more easily again since last treatment even with a relatively higher amount of physical activity compared to before — but unfortunately still what that means — as to the reason why there was such resistance, difficult, aversion to emotion processing before — that I’m grounding, grinding into my body - with the friction of the aversion to remaining pain — and where the post-LASIK eye pain is still the primary contributor; I do wonder and theorize that there is an abnormal inflammatory response (perhaps EDS related or that causes similar symptoms of EDS) - whether in brain and/or body - that leads to a central sensitization affect [effect?] to cascade so strongly, and therefore that many people who has done LASIK don’t have the same level of severe symptoms.

1:06pm

Taylor just texted me again. I responded saying I didn’t need the fork and plastic container her mother took home to finish the food I brought Taylor to dine with her in the hospital on some quality food that would be safe for her - steak and kale, to get high calorie and nutrient dense food in her, in with what little she eats due to an aversion from years long untreated gut pain and nausea; I said I don’t care to spend the time, energy, or money to go to her mother’s to pick it up, and to take care.

Taylor continued to reply in her usual way which I won’t outline here. She communicates often by referencing songs for how she feels that she believes relates to the current situation. I took that opportunity to then respond in equal by saying the song that came to me was In the Arms of the Angel Sarah McLachlan - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pvf_OBuJVE - as well as to notify her I was blocking her phone number again, and that she can email me if she wants - however that I don’t know how often I will check it; long ago I started having to block her phone number at different points, and redirect her emails to automatically archive - so I don’t see them unless I search for her email, in order to protect myself from being triggered or pulled into what can emails or texts as bombardments to well-thought out pleads that she needs help - intelligent, and eloquent, and an expert seductress as one of her coping mechanisms to bring in various qualities of support, company, as a means to distract herself; always as her most desperate, in her darkest hours, has she consciously and even once subconsciously (where her ego mind boundaries and controls for respecting someone else’ wishes to not contact me through phone directly getting superseded by a short-circuiting of sorts due to how degraded, ungrounded, destabilized her thinking has become — reached out to me again with a different phone number; this has happened 6+ times over the last 2+ years — where I learn more, understand her patterns, and how deeply the inadequate care goes with her recurring hospitalizations into psychiatric care over these years as well.

To be fair, it only feels right to share: my voluntarily hospitalization December 2017 is when I first met her in hospital. I had been struggling for over a year at that point with debilitating pain that severely fucked up my executive function. My decision making, mental organization, emotional processing — and in general anything related to thinking about moving forward — the planning triggering a slight stress as a preparation into the body readying to actually move, causing an aversion due to even thought about moving forward/organization of future — was extremely difficult. The only coping that worked was greatly limiting my activity every day, reducing any possible irritants from diet as much as possible, and usually I’d keep my right eye closed for up to hours every morning after waking up to slow how quickly the post-LASIK eye pain would ramp up and sensitize the rest of my body and its pain, making it hypersensitive to pain. That day in 2017 I knew if I had gone home I would have taken my life, having desperately struggled for around a year by that point to find support to help me with tasks - with organizing, planning — for basic things as well as for finding somewhere to do more stem cell treatments (longer story I won’t share now), with more complex tasks with more steps being more difficult, a stronger aversion, towards acting including on how much emotion would be surrounding or behind the decision or action that needed to be taken.

1:33pm

I’m sitting by the door at Balzac’s - was only window seat available when I arrived. I just got a chill that reminded me that a few nights ago while laying in bed ready to fall asleep, my whole body - both right and left side together, shook in a wave as my body reacted to warm up a bit; I had never experienced or perceived that feeling before, at least not that clearly or in such high definition.

1:40pm

I finally checked a voicemail someone left. It was an automated call to confirm — a 2nd time — for an endocrinology appointment I have coming up to test my hormone levels; another long story to outline the stupidity of understanding this may be a cause to the fatigue I experience or then towards actual diagnosis.

2:04pm

I just went pee again. Relaxed sitting position, closed my eyes, the face muscle fluttering started again. I tried this time instead to do some alternate nostril-breathing (with thumb/pinky to physically block each nostril) to see if it would help - and it did seem to help whatever energy was struggling to flow, to pass, to flow; https://www.healthline.com/health/alternate-nostril-breathing

The amplified symptoms I’ve experienced has lead me to re-realize that the body relaxing more easily while having the eyes closed is natural, a mechanism whereby once your eyes are open — tense your body and fascia for movement, and presumably when your eyes are closed, start to relax your fascia — which at length is during sleep, when you want your body and tissues to be as open as possible for best blood and other fluid flow to be as unrestricted as possible; inflammation is linked to Alzheimers-Dementia as channels in brain that want to open during sleep to clear toxins, waste, efficiently — can’t, it’s easy to conclude that similar dis-ease can progress in the body for rest of the tissues in brain, and where dis-ease state could progress quickly if an overall unhealthy system is already at its tolerance of regenerating, regulating immune system for clearing the body of cancer, etc.

January 30, 2020

Summary of yesterday:

I am roughly transcribing this from an audio recording I made before getting out of bed. I’ve done that a lot over this last year, it’s allowed me to share without getting out of bed agitating the pain, without opening my right eye or having my left eye open much except for initially recording. A friend awhile ago suggested setting up voice activated recording - I just haven’t been able to focus enough, direct myself to that task, with everything else going on; it would help but obviously I do need to open both my eyes at some point during the day anyway, and even if I don’t open them, if I become active with thinking just the movement of my eyes with my eyelids closed increasingly agitates and increases the pain from the eyes anyway.

All I want to finish with saying is to say that what Taylor is going through, it exposes many things that are wrong with our system. I won’t begin to go into the detail here, however I have written much and will continue to clarify and evolve my understanding, write the story, in hopes of saving Taylor and anyone else who is hurt more and left suffering longer by the system; the doctor kept her hospitalized, was forcing a tribunal on her where he’d present a case to force medication on her she doesn’t want (meanwhile after multiple hospitalizations over the years they still ignore and don’t treat her gut pain, nausea - nor care to understand its consequences - nor are they or do they provide safe food for her, nor do they manage and control to only provide food that is part of helping stabilize her). The largest failure is that somehow the field of psychiatry has been given a monopoly on care when mental health is involved - allowing non-multidisciplinary care to continue.

I will leave you with a video to show the new hope coming for all in the near future, that Presidential candidate Andrew Yang tweeted - saying it was the greatest video he’s ever seen: https://twitter.com/AndrewYang/status/1222736120930295808

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7crf0mzhws

10:22am

I finally got frustrated enough to return a phone call to book an echocardiogram. It seemed now that the pain is lower, allowing the frustration to build was easier — and then I could turn that into action much easier than prior to the Cayman Islands treatment. Making this call was a relatively low stress, unloaded decision toward action - compared to say the reason behind and how loaded making an appointment requiring a trip to an eye specialist, researcher in Boston, who I was recommended to make an appointment with - that has a lot of weight, resistance behind it - which I won’t go into reasoning for, having stopped me so far from booking an appointment with him.

Why I need an echocardiogram is part of determining a possible diagnosis of EDS — “Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) is a disease that weakens the connective tissues of your body. These are things like tendons and ligaments that hold parts of your body together. EDS can make your joints loose and your skin thin and easily bruised. It also can weaken blood vessels and organs.” It seems I have enough symptoms that it’s possible I do. There were two people that suggested it — a person online I briefly messaged with, and then one of the doctors at the stem cell clinics — whereby they were trying to help me problem solve why I report a much higher pain for tissue damage, some of which they can see in imaging, however that I report more highly than they’d expect. I will eventually write in detail about this.

I just realized, as part of an experiment, that reading along while I type helps keep my mind focused, on track, for what I’m writing about — noticing that trying to think to allow fluid flow of thought to continue if not looking could work — simply trying to remember what I just said in order to continue typing without looking — is at least impossible for me at this point, maybe a skill that can be developed or not; it wouldn’t be a useful skill unless someone like me was trying to problem solve how to find ways to reduce the issues related to the post-LASIK pain, some of which I theorize in part has to do — gets triggered more with use of the eyes, the surface and tension changes of the eye has focal distance (and other) changes, from near to far, etc.

11:04am

I think paying to have a space for me to work, a cowering space, would be good for me socially - outside of my current primary destination to be around people, busyness, distractions of Balzac’s cafe. I was reminded, had memories arise, a few weeks ago when I was in a Lyft shared ride that ended up going down around the Queen and Spadina area. I was reminded of the time spent in a coworking space I started working out of with my then new girlfriend and business partner I brought into helping me with I Live Yoga - in particular with outreach and support. Along with the memories were the feelings of good experiences that were able to make it up through the new level of reduced pain from my last stem cell treatment. It made me think at the time that I’d like to get back to that place. At the time I was still unsure, doubtful if I’d ever be able to get there, get back to the point where Anastasia and I were excited about life, in a good routine, working and passionate about a project we both loved — and that was ready to start scaling; my physical pain had started to become too much for me to handle however, and though I struggled to keep things going, at one point I had to give up — let go. The relationship with Anastasia ended and psychologically it was very difficult to let my “baby” go — as is often referred to as an entrepreneur’s project — especially since for at least a year I was using the project as a mental distraction, focus for the pain. I kept trying and essentially being reminded that it was too hard, and then making bad decisions. Ultimately it was the last try two big attempts to keep ILY alive and moving forward, to find to find good, capable people to move ILY forward without much guidance from me were: 1) attempted to hire someone to takeover Anastasia’s role of outreach and support, and 2) hire a local designer — who ultimately took $5,000 from me, an initial deposit out of a first section of work worth $10,000, and ended up doing barely any work. I will eventually write in more detail about this: I will name her as well as a consequence of consequences that lasting forever — karma — until they are righted, or ignored, and then light can be shone for those who pay attention to me — highlighting that this is how this person conducts themselves. These consequences, bad, hurtful behaviour lacking integrity or simply exposing unskilled or underdeveloped behaviour — where a point of learning is the opportunity presenting itself, if only for a safe container was present to allow it. This karma, consequences, trickle through time — allowing for multi-generation dis-ease progression in all aspects of life. Karma is still playing out and trickling through society, our energies, frequencies, decisions — from major suffering and events such as Nazi Germany and every new suffering starts a new ripple that will all need to be addressed. It must all be addressed by individuals. This allows for healing to happen in a decentralized manner — and allows for people at different parts of dis-ease or on path towards healing, enlightenment — being enlightened, developing understanding and compassion — and so even those who may be repressed in places like China, the light will make it through the cracks — which all rigid containers will increasingly have as pressure mounts; whether that is your ego mind’s control, guard of “protecting” you from fear/trauma and scarcity mindset, or a nation state who wants to contain what knowledge and information is spreading; these are both a condition, a dis-ease state, a symptom of ego mind’s greed and control going unchecked within oneself.

When I have kept my movement and activity greatly limited as I still must, I am able likewise to get glimpses and enjoyment at the thought for a goal I had roughly a decade ago: to be leading yoga classes, to further develop my own yoga practice and to guide others to teach them what I learned — also developing my own skill of speaking and holding space while actively guiding people in the present moment.

Someday I’d like to find and be able to afford, and be able to handle the added activity of going to (or perhaps they could travel to me?), singing lessons — so I can improve, develop my voice, for a growing list playlist that I’ve entitled New Life that I’ve been building mostly for motivation, a reminder that I at times have played multiple times daily as a distraction from the pain.

I’d also like to learn basketball, so if I ever decide it necessary to run for Prime Minister of Canada to get Canada on course, then I’d challenge current Presidential candidate Andrew Yang to - and kick his ass - in a game of basketball; a more physical activity that I may never be able to do again however — so I’ll just have to enjoy the thought of being able to hangout with Yang.

11:41am

I still have strong emotional resistance (PTS) to diving into and finishing an update reply for Dr. Trotter on behalf of Taylor. I don’t know if I will get to it today - there’s ultimately no real rush as she’s in hospital and he only returns from vacation a week from now. I need to recover further and be in the healthiest, low activity level, routine again for at least a few days before I will be able to approach the task again.

11:47am

I can quite clearly now feel, notice, that while I have been wearing my reading glasses when writing and on my laptop — I just picked up my phone and was looking, writing some texts, and as I did so — with the straining or even just putting things into focus, that the eye pain very clearly increased as I was doing so; this to me confirms to me, a theory I’ve had over these years especially when my pain level was much higher, that the post-LASIK pain has created an aversion to my eyes working properly, normally, a resistance to changing focal points (as part of the symptoms, part of it disrupting autonomous function including tearing, moisturizing, of the eyes — that LASIK has been successful in dumbing down, minimizing, their #1 symptom of “dry eye syndrome” as something you can just use moisturizing drops as the solution to it); te regulatory capture and unquestioned loyalty or review by the industry and professionals in the field, incentivized by profits, is disturbing - and one of many issues that society must actively become better acknowledging — identifying, studying, paying attention to in order to develop industry-wide critical thinking in all practitioners involved.

1:21pm

I’m starting to allow myself again to checkout attractive women. I guess I’m ready to experiment again to see if the reduced pressure on my nervous system allows me better to manage sexual energy building, and unfolding as that does into emotions and managing of relationships of more potential intensity, emotionally and physical activity wise. Maybe I will start playing with the idea of dating again, making plans with potential partners; an “exciting” idea however one I have had to drop previously the last few attempts due to the pain level still being too high.

1:34pm

I decided I may fast today. That would allow me to — after being tired and mentally exhausted from Balzac’s — to go to Bampot Teahouse and hopefully stay there for a few more hours before I’d otherwise be hungry. It’d also help to more quickly clear the inflammation I caused from the sugar/junk I ate yesterday. If I do this I’ll take the probiotic tonight at minimum.

1:50pm

My body energy is quite low at the moment though — primarily I think as I’m likely out of a ketogenic state, so it might be a good idea to eat something tonight to let my body recover faster anyway.

January 31, 2020

Summary of yesterday:

The day that had become positive, later in the day, after my mental energy being exhausted - grounding me into my body and the pain, the eye pain - knocked me back down to reality again. I can’t date. The exciting ideas or plans for ideas are fantasy. I was reminded that even if I have a very productive or positive day then the next few days when my mental energy is lower, it’s more difficult to impossible to concentrate enough to distract myself from the pain. This last stem cell treatment, as predicted as the pattern has continued, allowed me to feel the eye pain more clearly, feel how it cascades and refer down my body more easily.

I don’t know how I am even going to afford my own cost of living soon, let alone the idea of paying additionally to have a coworking space to work out - as an alternate to Balzac’s cafe that I am bored of going to so often, for so long. And I still don’t have a routine that makes life tolerable. Streaming at night can be nice, however it is mentally exhausting itself. The Joe Rogan style podcast I had thought could be a nice thing to do to socialized, meet people, and chat regularly hasn’t gotten setup and I wouldn’t be able to organize and manage it anyway. Likewise the money I’ve had to spend on stem cell treatments and will continue to need to spend indefinitely on unknown future diagnostics or future treatments is money that originally I had wanted to use to move my projects forward. Ideally I could raise $420k to hire contract workers to help me finish designs and specifications to then find developers to get estimates from - but developing a presentation and putting in the ground work to reaching out, meeting with, family offices to get them onboard and convince them of my plan: $420k, $4.2mm, $42mm rounds and sharing a high detailed plan for each along with an executive summary - the presentation itself will be difficult for me to compile, and then the ground work, leg work necessary, will certainly be too difficult for me due to the highly limited activity I must maintain in order to have more than less tolerable days.

Feb 2, 2020

Summary of yesterday:

I was planning originally to make a “summary of yesterday” - yesterday, but it didn’t happen. It was overall a bad day to which I was just waiting for 4pm when two designer friends, Akshay and Salar, were supposed to come over. They eventually made their way to me around 6pm. It was or wasn’t a very productive meeting. The purpose was to try to help onboard their help so I can try to move my projects forward, in part to decide a path, a strategy for what to focus on - for where they could help me and for where I could try to focus and use my limited mental energy to hopefully guide them towards helping move things forward at a pace that allows me hope.

I don’t know how much to share from the meeting. I don’t want to get lost, summarizing points from last night - of which there are two recordings of to hopefully review at some point for reminders, lost in that my mental focus gets spent where I can no longer conclude this to a point where I am “comfortable” publishing it - where I don’t concern myself of sharing “too much” that leads me to wanting to expand on what I mean, without having to continue a thought by injecting a relatable quote like “first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win” for how grandeur my vision has evolved to; Gandhi, and as you may be able to tell, I like and tend towards being thorough - it’s a challenge until it will become a gift.

Feb 4, 2020

The hardest part to sharing my experience is that when it is most difficult it is most difficult to share about the difficulty. And perhaps as a natural fail-safe prevention mechanism, if I am to pass there are certain things I want left a certain way, however completing them, organizing them with how difficult the pain already disables me from doing so easily is even worse when I have lost hope and am struggling and too stuck in the pain, and so the final 3 or 4 things I hope to have organized before I go haven’t really been able to get done. I am at the point now where I will just let go and forgive myself for not articulating what should be to expose certain fights for what is wrong in systems in society.

I just got 1 of 5 things done - sent an email as final attempt to try to find someone trustworthy to help my mom finish her house so she has a peaceful place for retirement. 2 of 5 will be posting this. 3 of 5 will be emailing a naturopath with an update re: Taylor although I am no longer hopeful she will have a container that will actually lead her to problem solving her issues, so unlikely anything will come from it. 4 of 5 will be briefly updating long form version of Taylor story. 5 of 5 is trying to compile what I can about the post-LASIK eye pain, what I have tried to heal my body including the eye pain, and how the eye pain has remained the constant and the majority cause of the executive function troubles I have - as has become more and more obvious as I have healed significant pain in the rest of my body nearing having likely more than 10 stem cell treatments now over the last 3+ years; something I would hope to share with the Boston eye doctor/researcher, with the lawyer who filed the Canadian class action lawsuit against LASIK and the doctor who did my surgeries, and in general for the community in general and perhaps the “Lasik Complications Support Group” on Facebook - so maybe anything that I tried would give them insight into what might help them or perhaps help problem solve a solution.

Aside from trying to get these final 5 things written, I no longer am going to attempt to write anything regarding to who would get my business projects, life’s work - Elon Musk and Dr. Jordan Peterson can share ownership if either of them wants my domains, designs, what I’ve written and so on; likely not because they are compiled well enough to transfer - though they would together both be most competent at understanding the ecosystem of platforms, holistic scale, and multidisciplinary health-wellness approach of my plans. I also no longer am going to attempt to fill out a form that is prerequisite to trying MDMA-assisted psychotherapy - a hope I had that maybe it would reduce stress in my body enough to make the pain more tolerable, however I am quite certain it is the ongoing, constant, trauma from the eye pain - though certainly it has made these past years also full of trauma. I am just trying to get myself to an appointment Feb 19th to try AmbioDisk for my right eye, and then to get to 2 more stem cell treatments in San Francisco - however it is difficult to even bother trying to hold on to get to those because the AmbioDisk, if my eye can tolerate it, will only help while wearing it - and it will be a brutal, impossibly strong reminder once I have to expose my eye to air again, and the stem cell treatments though they will reduce pain in my body again - that, as every other time as resulted in, will result in my just feeling the eye pain more clearly, and how it refers out and sensitizes my body.

Feb 5, 2020

One reason I don’t want to actually post this is due to the large amount of explanation that hasn’t happened, describing everything I have tried, all the failures of our healthcare system - especially our “mental health” system - and still where no one has offered me an opiate prescription, so aside from having taken them post stem cell treatments for a few days - I don’t know if long-term it would make the pain and limited function tolerable enough to not constantly be struggling. Having, trying to explain over and over and over again over the years to different doctors, answering the same line of questions over and over and over again - never really getting much deeper into actually problem solving or trying to provide treatment options that may help. I am just done with this Canadian health “care” system - no one is going to know the true extent of incompetence, how broken it is, I don’t see myself being around to write about it. I will try to post the “Saving Taylor” post and update so there is a public record of it, 100% chance it won’t change anything unless someone actively pushes for investigation and change for oversight and accountability.

This is how much I normally struggle, at least 50% of the time I am trying to dredge at the bottom, where it’s dark - but regardless of how well I stick to a routine, to limiting my activity, to eating cleanly, to optimizing to have mental energy to counter the physical pain - to counter the disruption from the eye pain and the executive dysfunction it causes, the baseline dysfunction caused by the eye pain hasn’t improved in years, there is no routine or baseline that is tolerable; the two times the eye pain did permanently improve some with each treatment - first with autologous serum eye drops and then ProKera I did for each eye - the noticeable permanent reduction still wasn’t significant enough; and temporarily the Scleral lenses to be worn for only periods throughout the day, the dramatic executive function improvement I had with them, was impossible to maintain with that relief and function improvement contrasted each day at the end of the day when I had to re-expose my eyes to the air, triggering the pain again fully, and rapidly experiencing the cascading of symptoms - the mental disruption and the tension, sensitization, referring and building through my body; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scleral_lens

The other up to 50% is when I am delusional enough with hope, optimism, waiting for the next “big” stem cell treatment - in fantasy once tricking myself again that maybe this next healing will be different than the previous ones: where maybe my nervous system will reach a tipping point where the impact of the eye pain will greatly diminish due to enough pressure, pain, being removed from my nervous system. It never has happened though. This is where I am in a routine where I am not yet again bored of rotating through different social media sites - Twitter, Reddit - along with some other technology-related news sites, forums. This is when I am not yet completely bored of distracting myself with watching streamers on Twitch or watching YouTube videos. Days when I am in a routine and in a positive enough mood to enjoy and try to engage socially, in a routine going to Balzac’s cafe - taking a Lyft shared ride there and home again. The problem is nothing can actually move forward from this routine and routine itself is flawed in that boredom exists and that routine can’t really change due to the limitations the pain keeps me within; I can go out for stimulation, people watching, but there’s no gain in “teasing” myself if letting myself notice attractive women - teasing myself by allowing myself to think about dating or sex or anything nice, any of the creature comforts that come from relationships of various depths or intensity.

Cost is another factor. The money I have access to currently won’t last forever - and even if appointments like acupuncture or osteopathy would net positive, which I’m still not sure they are which I won’t explain here - at the moment when mostly going to those appointments via public transit, that amount of activity - the additional physical stress on my body on top of the stress the eye pain constantly applies, certainly counters most of the benefit from those appointments; likewise, acupuncture which I only did 3 or 4 weeks ago, and hadn’t done it for likely 2 years prior, allowed me to just feel my right eye pain as strongly and as clearly as I had ever been able to feel it - a strong, searing, burning sensation over the whole cornea that lastly as strongly for the next 8 hours - that searing sensation only diminishing as it slowly sensitized the rest of my body, just meaning it prevented me from properly perceiving it - but not reducing the executive dysfunction symptom. If I am in the better side of the difficult cycle then I regularly, daily, listen to my “New Life” play list - and often listen through the more somber but pleasant Jardim album by Rainer Scheurenbrandt; https://rainerscheurenbrand.bandcamp.com/album/jardim

I’ve written so many times about this pattern over the years, I hate writing about it now too - and why I am now struggling to even bother trying to get myself to a Boston eye doctor/research I was suggested to go to - however after the effort and cost of traveling to Boston, the being out of routine to not look forward to causing additional turbulence in my life the following 3-4 days, and after the $1300 USD cost, just starting cost, there is near 100% chance that no insights nor new treatment option that will come of it; it seems that I also know of stem cell research being conducted in the US that the main plaintiff in the Canadian class action lawsuit doesn’t know about, therefore nor does the lawyer, and likely also not this Boston eye doctor/researcher the plaintiff recommended I see - I’m guessing they don’t know about the mice/rat research from years ago either, the results of are which the human trials are being fast tracked in India; turns out the plaintiff who recommended me to see the Boston eye doctor/researcher hasn’t even gone to see him himself.

There has just been no point in continuing with trying to keep myself positive, optimistic - for as difficult as it is - once I am “flying” in it well enough, life can’t improve - relationships can’t evolve, I can’t move forward more in life. There’s been no point when letting myself mentally get excited about my projects or ideas to fix all of these broken systems - it just causes there to be more pressure, a stronger aversion to fight against, the pain to fight more strongly against - and trying to use executive function to try to move those ideas forward in any capacity, just the attempt adding pressure/stress - and then the potential consequences of trying to find others or spending money to hire others to do an uncertain but large amount of work necessary, is a lot - and certainly more than I am reasonably capable of handling, and even if I had the financial resources to hire and manage a team to do the work - managing would likely be too stressful as well; https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21885586

I’ve tried twice now from different places in the last 8 months to get a referral for someone to speak to to see if the pain having been reduced as much as it has, if there was any value in talk therapy. Still haven’t heard anything back re: an appointment - though I was doubtful anyway that the physical cost of going to the appointment would result in net benefit anyhow.

And there’s nothing more I can do to help Taylor - the system isn’t going to be able to hold the safe container she needs - other than trying to send an update to her naturopath re: trying to problem solve her gut pain and nausea (that psychiatric doctors haven’t cared about nor understood the dis-ease progression consequences of for years), so I don’t have that hope or drive for effort to try to distract myself with any longer either; I don’t understand how psychiatry got a monopoly on hospitalizations, not only a monopoly but an exclusionary monopoly - where there's no requirement to work with other fields/disciplines, how isn't this considered or acknowledged to be neglectful by default, by design?

[curiouskarenscapers2017]

Volume Four – November 2004

 INDEX:

Massage 6/11 Earthquakes Mon 8/11 – 12:00pm. Wed 10/11 – 11am  and Thurs 11/11 at about 10:15am Puli  and Chin-Jing 21/11 Alexander – the movie 27/11

Well what do I tell you about the massage! Devine! Needed! Painful! Stunning! All in one! I was as stiff after as if I have been to a gym session for the first time in years! But, distressed and feeling as if, if I don’t get a bed now I’ll pass out on the pavement, oh wait, there are no pavements! It was very professional and beautifully done up inside. All Japanesey looking, with sliding doors of a dark mahogany looking wood. In the little rooms it was tranquil, exactly the right temperature and the lighting was low. The wall paper was on the one wall you face as you walk in with a small flower decoration in the centre…very Feng Shui. The girl who did the massage was called Mary and had just come back from Canada in Vancouver after 5 years. She could speak English well and with not too much effort. The mood music in the background was of forest sounds and birds chirping…..peaceful!!! Good bye!! They did various little Chinese traditional things like getting rid of the bad Chi and replacing it with good Chi…..thanks for that! They scrape the bad chi out of your back with a wooden comb like instrument and then replaced it with what felt like a wooden rolling pin on fire, it smelt good, like a fragrant burning wood. What a treat! Definitely worth it!

The weekend was gone in a second as Monday dawned, I don’t do 1 day weekends too well, I now realized….once again. Monday night, while reading my book at about 12pm, I felt the room move! And no, the book wasn’t that riveting! I jumped up and ran to the TV room where Ryno was lying watching TV. And then the usual question was asked….”Did you feel that?” the room still swayed a while and was quiet. It obviously took me a while to sleep after that but eventually Tuesday arrived. The days are blurring into one another and Wednesday morning, I don’t have class and was flueish. I decided not to go swimming and instead read my book a while. At 11am, I’m sure it’s on a timer, the room moved! I was first not too sure whether it actually did or not….that’s the problem with earthquakes…you get used to them. The next one was on the Wednesday at about 10:15am. Ok so now they have had their chances and can’t do it again until at least next year!!!! Fair?? After that everything felt like an earthquake! The cat bumping the bed, the wind blowing into the room moving the curtains etc. etc. etc. Apparently the first one we felt was a 6.6 in the same general area as the first one a few weeks ago, then the 2nd was 6 and the 3rd trailed off and nobody even new about it!

So, I got the flue and the feelings of the earthmoving just got worse! But at least now I’ll be desensitized by the time a big one hits! Anyway, we started planning our weekend outing to a place called Puli and Ching-Jing. The best part about things like this is that you are always surprised, you never expect anything so you’re never disappointed! Cool!!! I was running low on funds but the Chinese teachers insisted and they were driving us there in their cars. Monica and Winnie pitched up with their respective cars and we were off!

First we stopped off at Puli, the liquor tasting would be happening here. The whole shop was decorated in clay vases that are used to store Sake and other liquor, including their wines. Huge clay pots adorned the outside wall as we entered the warehouse looking building.

More like a Makro or Hyper looking place. The bottles were so ornate and beautifully painted or glass worked that you would buy the drink just for the bottle!!! We tasted some Sake and it immediately brought back memories of a certain Mampoer evening!!! Sake will not be one of my drinks here..thanks!!

Anyway, we moved around in side along with the hordes of touristy Chinese and finally made our way to the wine vinegar bar/counter. Now I don’t know if you remember I bought a bottle of honey vinegar at Sun Moon Lake and these were the same types. No honey through but apple, peach and berry. So we bought some of that in a stunning packaging with a glass in the middle, like when you buy Jack Daniels in a promotional pack and get the whisky glasses included. Wanted to send it home, but it weighs too much, will try again later!!! We had a peanut ice cream and were on our way to Cing Jing.

Well, if you’ve been to Europe and the Alps…this is what it looks like at Cing Jing!!! Set deeply in the mountains after a horrendous climb up the mountains at an angle of note! More like driving up the old pass to Nelspruit, heavy ups and tight turns with Kamakaze pilots flying down hill on your side!!! No fancy railings and ropes to keep you from plummeting 1000m’s down the cliff side! Nice!!! And as we climbed the last curve with a beautiful backdrop of a lake shimmering in the noon sky we saw the little town nestled in on the top of the mountain. What a sight!

Swiss type buildings and guest houses adorned the twisting road into the town. The winter has started up here and the typical yellow dried grass was all over. Would be stunning to come and see this place in Summer time when all is green and lush! The most beautiful buildings and houses with huge windows and colorful walls with the typical Swiss dark wood crisscrossing. After much driving up and down the streets trying to find parking we parked and walked a while. Fresh mountain air…..weird! We eventually ended up at a little mall with food shops and curio shops and a Starbucks…it was freezing and we all went straight for the Starbucks….1 coffee of the day Grande please! Cream and sugar!! Delish! Took some photo’s…like typical tourists and got everybody involved. We were 8 girls and the guys just lined up to help! Nice! At some stage we even had a golden Labrador puppy between us for the owner to take a picture…we’ll send him the bill later.

On our way back to the car we stopped at a fruit stand that had the most unusual looking fruit. It looks like a tomato, feels like and apple, with the same skin but with a peachy interior that tastes like nothing you’ve ever tasted before in a fruit! Sweet and absolutely divine! We got some of that of course!

The lights were on in all the places and shops and it took on a totally different feeling, holidaying in the mountains….we’ll be back! The guest houses with the huge windows glowed golden into the darkening indigo sky. The mountain just outside the Starbucks had a Cape Town feel to it as the pink clouds flowed down over the top towards us…ah yes!!! This is the life!!!

I at least got a picture of a Chinese sheep…and you know what I could tell he was Chinese……something in the eyes……

hat a day, back to smoggy Chang Hua and another week of hard work and naughty children. Funny how they become more naughty as you become more nostalgic and more irritated…hmmmm.

So our next little outing was Alexander. Well, let’s start with the cinema…impressive from the outside, very much like ours from the street and that’s it! They have the little box office out side, like in the old days. No snack counters to get smarties, nuts or popcorn! Walk up the stairs and find your seat relatively easily. Melissa was surprised to see that the seating is fixed. I told her we also work that way. Canada doesn’t and it causes endless irritation….you know!!! Anyway, got our seats and sat down pushing the seat down from the up position…..like in the old days…did I mention that? They were narrow, pleather and deep, if you had someone too tall you wouldn’t see a thing! Otherwise quite comfortable and tolerable. The movie started and the lights didn’t dim all the way, the side aisle lights stayed on for the people wanting to go to the loo etc Ok no problem there I’ll get used to that. The ads rolled in all in Chinese and that’s where the difference started dawning. I nearly felt like I was home. The movie was excellent but the seats told me it was a 3hour movie!!!! Cell phones rang, people answered etc. A bit out of the ordinary as we were past this stage in SA already. But in all, the movie was a definite must again soon….National Treasure is coming out on the 12/17 and we’ll be seeing that! The prices were a tad steep and  a ticket sets you back NT 220 = R44 but as you go outside you get a free bee of 3 tickets for the next new release which was Polar Express in our case…yeah!! Anyway, because it’s only NT100 – R20 it will be worth seeing even if it’s not your favourite type movie…but Polar Express looks excellent, so there’s no loss there!!!

Well that’s me for this boring month, next month we have a few things lined up as in a tour to Taipei, Xmas in Taiwan, a birthday party and a computer faire!!!!! Will let you know what happened there!!!!

  Taiwan Times vol 4 Volume Four – November 2004  INDEX:

[zeppelinwormwood]

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it's indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text.

Ghosting isn’t new—people have long engaged in disappearing acts—but years ago this kind of behavior was considered limited to a certain type of scoundrel. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting.1 Despite how common ghosting is, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem.

Why do people ghost?

People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of mutual social connections for people who met online also means there are fewer social consequences of dropping out of another’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it, and the more likely they are to do it to someone else.

“I didn't understand exactly how I actually felt at the time, so instead of trying to talk it out, I ghosted.” 2

“I used to disappear when it was all I thought it was [a fling], or I got scared of finding what I wanted… Or some kind of fear factor from a past relationship kicks in.” 2

“Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from dating seems like the easiest and nicest route… until it’s done to you.” 3

“I kind of think that it's part of what makes the online-dating scene so appealing. Since you don't have friends in common or weren't introduced through some other channel, it's not the end of the world if you just drop off the face of the earth.” 4

“I, for one, consider myself to be an honest and straightforward person. And yet I’ve ghosted... And I’ve told myself, time and time again, that it’s all the fault of the toxic dating culture we’ve created. And at the end of the day, I think that’s what we’re all telling ourselves.” 5

How does it feel to be ghosted?

For many people, ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disposable. If you have known the person beyond more than a few dates then it can be even more traumatic. When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal.

“I felt like an idiot. Like I had been played a fool. And more so I felt disrespected. Take the romantics away, to have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again? That’s painful and really disappointing. No one deserves to be blown off.” 6

“It still felt a bit like someone had punched me in the gut when it happened. The disregard is insulting. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes a hit. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing that someone didn’t even consider you worth breaking up with.” 7

“Going from texting every day and seeing each other a couple of times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why was a kick in the gut.” 8

“Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating can serve up.” 9

Why does it feel so bad?

Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain.10 In fact, you can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with a pain medication like Tylenol.11 But in addition to this biological link between rejection and pain, there are some specific factors about ghosting that contribute to the psychological distress.

Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system that scans the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations.12 Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual cues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control.

One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop, which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low.13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low, you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared with those whose self-esteem is higher.14

Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty.15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.

How do you move forward?

The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he or she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case, they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him or her go peacefully.

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.

[louisonurmark]

When we were planning our trip to Peru, Jack and I decided that if there was one trek we were going to do in Peru, it was going to be the Huayhuash Trek. Even though it had some ‘I swear this is the last trek we’re doing!‘ moments – looking back at it, we’d do it again in a heartbeat. The Huayhuash Trek was definitely worth the time and money. We think it’s the most underrated trek in Peru (if not the world). It’s still one of the best and most memorable hikes we’ve ever done. And we’ve done so many.

I’ve spent some time thinking of the best way to tell our 10-day adventure on the Cordillera Huayhuash – and decided that a Q&A way is the best way to go to share with you guys about the highlights and lowlights of the Huayhuash Trek.

I have to admit that some of these are very tangentials but hope you enjoy reading them none the less.

FACTS ON HUAYHUASH TREK

The Huayhuash trek is 180 km (112 ml) long and can be done from as short as 8 days to as long as 14 days. We’ll be doing it in 10 days.

For its (relatively) compact size, Cordillera Huayhuash packs a punch. It has 30 peaks, 6 of them are over 6000 m.

We’ll be going over 8 passes – all of them between 4600m – 5000m in altitude, most of the walking will be done over 4000 m in altitude.

The Huayhuash goes around the Cordillera Huayhuash, Peru, which is next door to its more famous cousin: Cordillera Blanca.

All of the trek is over the treeline and because of that the sceneries promises to be spectacular.

The mountain range contains Siula Grande – a mountain that became the background of the harrowing story of Simon and Yates in ‘Touching the Void‘.

During the 90’s, the mountain range was rarely visited due to an active terrorist presence by a group called ‘Sendero Luminoso’ or ‘Shining Path’. After a trekker was shot and killed by the rebel, the Peruvian government closed the area for several years.

We’ve been warned against not only of the danger of altitude sickness, but also of aggressive dogs who’d run after you on the trail, and then steal your food from the campsite.

Making friends wherever we go.

Jack and I have done some multi-day treks before, but Huayhuash Trek will be the first trek we’ve done…

At such a high altitude (4000 – 5000 m) Oxygen will be a rarity. Considering that I got sick when climbing Mt. Whitney (at 4500m) I’m a little worried. We’d have been in Huaraz (3000 m) for a week and will have done some day hikes at around 4000m – but it’s still mostly be a crapshoot how your body will react to such an altitude.

Fortunately coca leaves (known to help prevent altitude sickness) are neither illegal or rare in this part of the world. As of a matter of fact, many trekkers drink tea out of coca leaves throughout the day to help dealing with altitude.

Where we’re going to have a guide and donkeys All the treks we’ve done in the past were done independently. But due to a combination of altitude, length and lack of own gear we’ve decided to get an agency for Huayhuash. That means having donkeys to carry our stuff, a cook, and a guide. So all we have to do is walk. Tsk, should be easy enough, right?

There are those who are of course doing this trek independently, carrying everything on their back and existing solely on protein powder to save weight — now they’re hardcore (read: slightly mental).

Where our meals won’t consist of re-dehydrated rice and ramen day after day I imagine there would be days when the promise of a hot meal at the end of the day is what would keep us going. A promise of a hot AND non-ramen meal AND we don’t have to cook it ourselves? Gosh, we’re getting spoiled here!

After the longest day (quite literally and figuratively) on our trek. 1000 m elevation in 4 hours. Ugh.

Our first campsite. With menacing clouds in the background.

FIRST, WAS THE HUAYHUASH TREK WORTH IT?

Ah, such a difficult question to answer. See, it all depends on your own past experience. Was it worth it for us? YES. Yes, it was. We do enjoy being around mountains and we started to think that we’re a little masochistic as well.

We saw some amazing scenery – definitely some of the best we’ve seen in our lives. For us, it was worth it not only for the scenery, but like other endeavors that push your limit, it was worth it for the sense of accomplishment as well.

HOW MUCH DID THE HUAYHUASH TREK COST?

It came down to about $40 a day (so for 10 day – it was $400). Which is on the higher end of things. You can definitely go with a cheaper agency – as cheap as half the price.

But I’d like to think that the higher price means that the staff are being paid well and the donkeys are treated humanely. And that we wouldn’t have to worry about sub-par equipment and running out of food.

STARTING POINT OF THE TREK?

The nearest town to the trailhead is Huaraz in Northern Peru, an 8 hour bus ride from Lima. Peru has some of the best long-distance bus companies: Cruz del Sure and Ormeño are the 2 companies we’ve used and recommend. Huaraz is a backpacker/outdoor friendly city and you’ll be able to find everything you need to start your Huayhuash adventure. We recommend acclimatizing yourself for a few days by doing day hikes from Huaraz before setting off to do your trek. Laguna Peron and Laguna 69 are some of the most popular day hikes from Huaraz that you can do to get yourself a little taste of what’s coming 🙂

HOW DID YOU FIND THE GROUP AND THE AGENCY?

Getting a group together for the Huayhuash Trek turned out to be more difficult than we thought. They don’t go as often as the Santa Cruz trek (more popular and shorter treks).

2 gringo cafes in Huaraz: Cafe Andino and California Cafe have a community board with posts from people who want to form a group. Through this and LP’s Thorn Tree Forum we managed to get a small group together and formally formed a group with Huascaran. Other people joined afterwards.

WHICH AGENCY DID WE GO WITH?

We knew that we wanted to go with either Huascaran Adventure or Quechuandes – 2 agencies that came highly recommended and received the least number of complaints (according to South American Explorer). We decided to go with Huascaran because a person in our group has just come back from the a trek with them and had nothing but good things to say about them.

But we also chatted to the people from Quechuandes and they seemed to be running a pretty solid company there. I wouldn’t hesitate to have gone with them either.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST DAYS ON THE HUAYHUASH CIRCUIT?

2 days come to mind. The first was what I believe to be either the 4th or the 5th day – it was one of the steepest climbs we had to do. (I alluded to this on the previous post) But on top of that…

Jack hadn’t had any sleep in 2 days – and I was battling a shy colon and 2 days worth of… well, you know. And did I mention the altitude? We were hiking above 4000 m in height where even a walk out of the tent to pee at night would leave us gasping for breath.

The second hardest day was the one day we did 2000 m in elevation changes. That’s right. 6000 ft in one day. In the morning we climbed down 1000 m, and in the afternoon we climbed up 1000 m. PAINFUL.

DID YOU GET TO SEE AMAZING SCENERIES EVERY DAY?

No. I’d say the best sceneries were found on the first 2/3 of the trek. And I guess after that we just became a little desensitized to the sceneries around us (which was still amazing – but relatively less so.)

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SCENERY?

This is tough one. We’d say the most memorable one was a very short side trip to an lake covered with floating ice pieces.

It was the setup that took our breath away – a short but steep scramble up a hillside and there lies unexpectedly and unseen from below a lake of turquoise color with a glacier fed waterfall on one side, snow-covered peaks in the background and hundreds of little ice plates floating on it.

Breath taking.

WHAT WAS A TYPICAL DAY IS LIKE?

Around 6:30 in the morning, Epy – our guide – would wake us up with his signature ‘Buenos dias, matecito de coca…’ – and handed us a cup of coca tea and a bowl of hot water to wash ourselves to start the day.

We’d groggily drag ourselves out of our frost-covered tent (a daily occurence) to do our morning ablution and pack our sleeping bags.

Breakfast varies from delicious cheese omelette to grey watery sludge that the Brits like to call ‘porridge’. During breakfast, the staff breaks down our tent and start loading the donkeys. Then around 8 am or so we’d start walking until around 1 pm, then lunch and a siesta. At this point the donkeys carrying our stuff and the rest of the staff would pass us on their way to our next camp.

Then a couple of hours more of walking. Arrive in camp (between 2 – 4pm) – and relax. Play cards and socialize with fellow trekkers.

We tend to go to bed soon after the dark (because it gets really cold) – like around 8 pm. Repeat.

HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU WALK PER DAY?

On average we did about 7-8 hours of walking every day.

DID YOU SLEEP WELL?

Surprisingly yes. Surprising because Jack and I usually are bad tent sleepers. We get cold easily.

We were provided with a down jacket, an inflatable air mat, and a regular foam mat. Some of the tents were 4-season tent with solid wall throughout – so it does get quite warm inside.

Tip: we’d fill up our Nalgene bottle with hot water right before we go to bed just for that extra ‘oomph’ in comfort.

HOW WAS THE FOOD QUALITY AND QUANTITY?

Obviously we can only talk about our experience with Huascaran, but we were happy with what was provided.

Example breakfast: oatmeal, omelets, pancakes with hot chocolate, coffee and/or tea. Example lunch: ceviche, fried rice, potato salads. Example dinner: soup for appetizer followed by entrees such as lomo saltado (stir fried pork), spaghetti, chicken stew, and then dessert.

Every morning we were given a snack bag that contains a piece of fruit, and 2 pieces of chocolate bars or cookies.

They gave you the same amount of food regardless whether your’re a weightlifter or a 90-lb supermodel. So if you tend to run hungry, I’d suggest bring extra foods. We weren’t starving but we weren’t swimming in leftovers either. Some people in the group got sick and lost their appetite so the other trekkers get to eat their shares. Maybe they were counting on that?

The same thing applies for snacks. If you’re not into junk food, bring your own stash of dried fruits and nuts.

Q: WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT WALKING UP AND DOWN MOUNTAIN PASSES?

Not much really. We played countless of ‘shithead’ (it’s an actual card game – I’m not making it up) and talked about bowel movements (as you do).

On day 5, our campsite happened to have a natural thermal bath that most of us didn’t fail to take advantage of. I can easily imagine this bath to have the prettiest natural setting of any baths out there.

And oh, and we practiced coordination as a group so we could take pictures like this:

WHAT DID YOU USUALLY THINK ABOUT WHEN WALKING?

Jill – most of the times I zone out and just focus on breathing and pacing myself out. Usually I accidentally kick a rock every 15 mins or so that would yank me out of my zen – this was usually followed by about 30 secs of cursing or so. Funnily enough I only do this with my right foot (the kicking – not cursing. My right boot is more worn out then my left).

Jack – I thought about pizzas and beer mostly. I think starting from about day 7, this was what pretty much everybody in the group had in mind based on our conversations.

HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU END UP GOING #2 ON THE TRAIL?

Oh gawd, too many to count unfortunately. I really hate going to the bathroom free-styling it off the trail. See, back in the states there are all sorts of rules of how and where to go to the bathroom in the wilderness. Here – you can practically go anywhere and however you want.

And people did. Behind every rock of convenient size, you’ll find traces of previous trekkers’ bathroom habit – dirty toilet paper and more. Nobody digs a hole or anything. I hate feeling that we’re contributing to the mess.

But when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.

Quoting a fellow trekker who was suffering from a bout of diarrhea – ‘There’s nothing worse than feeling that every step you’d take, you’ll end up shitting yourself’.

YOU TALK A LOT OF BATHROOM AND #2 HERE. WHY?

It’s weird but it does seem that you put a bunch of trekkers together, the coversation topic invariably would include bathroom habits and gems such as ‘burps that smell like poo’. It’s sort of understandable considering that altitude sickness and stomach problem were two of the main causes of illness among trekkers.

7 out of 10 within our group were affected by stomach issue during the Huayhuash Trek.

MOST MEMORABLE CHARACTER YOU ENCOUNTERED DURING THE TREK?

Vomit the Dog. Who, what? Well, one person in our group spent a couple of nights vomiting outside the tent – fortunately, one of the dogs that hung around the site happened to be nearby to lap it all up. Thus the name.

Despite his gross habit, Vomit was the happiest dog I’ve ever seen and charmed the socks off of everyone in our group. If you read this post and decide to do the Huayhuash trek, do keep a look out for him (we’d love to hear about how he’s doing!). He hangs out in the last campsite before exiting to Llamac (second to last day).

Vomit walked with us from the campsite to the mirador and back, entertaining us with his antics.

Q: WHAT WAS THIS ABOUT BEING PEED BY A DOG?

Humpy (guess how he got his name) – another campsite-roaming dog – was not too happy that I was playing around with Vomit and decided that he’d mark me as his in the only way a dog would know. Yep, that’s right. I got peed on by a stray dog.

I didn’t even realise it until much later. However flattered I was that a dog was getting jealous of me, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling (to put it mildly) wearing a pee-covered jacket for the rest of the evening.

Thankfully it happened during the second to last day of our trek so I didn’t have to deal with it for too long. And a good thing too it was a rental.

AND KILLING A SHEEP?

Face to face with Tasty. The sheep we bought to be slaughtered on the last day’s feast.

Tasty is no more 😦

The group decided to buy and butcher a sheep for a Pachamanca feast (Pachamanca refers to a Peruvian style of baking using hot stones) during the last day of the trek. That was the first time Jack and I had ever witnessed a mammal being killed. It turned out to be more traumatizing than I’d like to admit really.

Of course it didn’t help that we named the sheep. The fact that we named him ‘Tasty’ is besides the point.

CAN ANYBODY DO THE HUAYHUASH TREK?

If we can do it, anybody can. We’re not the world’s biggest couch potatoes, but neither are we that kind of people who walk around talking about how they survived solely on protein powder for 2 weeks and battling polar bears while backpacking the Artic Circle .

The one thing to remember is to acclimatize well. Can’t seem to stress this enough. Spend a couple of days in Huaraz (or a week like we did) and do some day hikes to the nearby lakes.

GENERAL TIPS ON TREKKING IN HUARAZ

Acclimatize well.

Check your equipment beforehand. Jack and I rented our sleeping bags and jackets from Huascaran and were pleased with them. A person in our group wasn’t so lucky and his rental sleeping bag has lost all of its insulating power and slept cold most of the nights. Or bring your own.

Sleeping liner When I rent sleeping bags, I always use a sleeping bag liner (like this one) for extra warmth, also for the ‘ick’ factor.

Layer well. I love my Smartwool mid-weight baselayers in combination with a synthetic midlayer, and a puffy. A beanie, a Buff neck warmer, and gloves if needed.

Insist on having an emergency horse (cheaper agencies might not include this). One person in our group ended up being so sick and ended up riding the horse during the toughest day of the hike.

Don’t go with the cheapest agencies. They’re known to pay the staff horribly. We’ve heard stories about groups running out of food or subsisting solely on bread and crackers. As we were leaving, we came across a group at the trailhead who had to turn back to Huaraz after waiting for 2 days because their donkeys and guide never showed up.

Bring wide spectrum antibiotics. For those stomach bugs – the second most common problem among trekkers in the area after the altitude sickness.

Bring a pack of dried coca leaves and a first aid kit. Chewing on coca leaves help with altitude sickness even though they taste really gross. Also don’t count on your guide on having a well-stocked first aid kit (or know the proper way to administer them).

Bring a pack (or two) of cards and learn some group card games. Not that I didn’t enjoy ‘shithead’ but after day 5 – I started wishing that somebody knew some other card game to play.

CAN ONE DO HUAYHUASH TREK INDEPENDENTLY?

For sure.

I think for regular folks like you and me it will be tough, but we’ve met some on the trail who were doing it by themselves.

3 WAYS TO DO THE HUAYHUASH TREK For the regular mortals: get an agency who will take care everything for you, including donkeys to carry the majority of your stuff and staff to make you food and clean up afterwards.

For the hardcore trekkers on a budget: arrange to have an arriero (donkey man) and a group of donkeys yourself. And a chef if you think you need one – you know, the whole staff. It’s basically how I imagine they did expeditions in the old days.

Your Spanish must be better than average to do this of course. And it might be a good idea to know how to read a map (the trails were not obvious all the time). You’re usually expected to cover the meals for the people you hire and sort out the food, logistics, and supply situation yourself.

For the superheroes: do everything yourself. Carry your own food, tent, and whatever it is you need on your back. Simply don that backpack and set out into the wilderness. Donkeys are for losers.

The real heroes of the trek

On the way to campsite #6. It’s the one with a thermal bath. Everyone was super excited about the bath – as you can imagine.

SHOULD I VISIT HUARAZ? SHOULD I DO THE HUAYHUASH TREK?

We honestly think that if you’re reasonably fit and you love being around mountains – you should definitely get yourself to Huaraz, Peru to do one of the many treks this area has to offer. This area around Huaraz is so beautiful we could’ve stayed for much longer. Only the onset of winter drove us away to chase the summer further south. We also loved the trekking possibilities around Cuzco, but to be honest… we still prefer Huaraz. It’s wilder. It’s more rewarding. It’s more in all the right ways.

Now whether or not you should do the Huayhuash Trek, well hopefully we’ve answered some of the questions you might have.

HUAYHUASH TREK, PERU: EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW When we were planning our trip to Peru, Jack and I decided that if there was one trek we were going to do in Peru, it was going to be the Huayhuash Trek.

[daddyslittlejuliet]

How Your Dog Can Pass the Canine Good Citizen Test

I’ve done lots of training with my five-year-old Vizsla, Finley. Tons, in fact. She’s smart and energetic and really wants to work with me on new challenges. Plus, she has severe separation anxiety, so my husband and I have spent countless hours on basic training, desensitization and counterconditioning, trick training in an effort to physically and mentally exhaust her, and more. But one thing we had yet to tackle is the American Kennel Club’s Canine Good Citizen Test.

First, what is the AKC’s Canine Good Citizen Test?

Finley waits patiently. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

The AKC’s Canine Good Citizen, or CGC, program has been around since 1989 and is intended to instruct and inspire responsible dog ownership. Acing the test is about much more than bragging rights or framing a certificate to hang on your wall. There are practical benefits to your pup passing the 10-point exam. It’s a major bargaining chip when you’re checking into a dog-friendly hotel, it’s a good starting point for more advanced training like agility, it will give both you and your dog a boost of confidence and perhaps inspire you to do even more training together, and you may even inspire other people and pets in your community to achieve the title.

What’s more, if you’re hiring a dog sitter or walker or trying to enroll your pup in doggy daycare, having the CGC credential will be somewhat of a feather in your cap. And you’re given official acknowledgement — plus self-assurance— that your dog knows how to behave just about anywhere.

I was convinced the program was worth our time. To get started, I read the AKC’s Responsible Dog Owner’s Pledge, which covers everything from ensuring that your dog’s health, safety, exercise, training and quality of life needs are met, to picking up your dog’s poop in public places. Then, reading through the test itself, I soon realized this was something we had been preparing for since day one of welcoming Finley into our family. Of course, there are obedience classes you can register for and even formal CGC training that you can complete, but it might not be necessary if you take matters into your own hands and are motivated to help your pet. Here’s how I did it with my dog, Finley.

Test 1: Accept a friendly stranger

Finley is polite but curious. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

How Finley fared: Finley is the type of dog who receives a lot of attention when we’re out and about. People often approach us exclaiming, “How cute!” or “Awww!” and my husband and I often think they’re referring to our little (human) girl. Nope, they’re usually in awe of Finley. She’s a beautiful pup with a warm disposition and seems to be a magnet for friendly people.

From the very beginning when we brought her home at 7 weeks, we exposed her to all types of people in all types of situations to help her become well socialized. This has always meant a lot of leash walks around the neighborhood, running into people we know or other people with dogs who want to say “hello.” The AKC test requires your dog “show no sign of resentment or shyness” when a friendly stranger approaches to speak with the owner and shake their hand. Check and check! Finley usually just waits to be acknowledged, which usually happens soon after I am.

Test 2: Sit politely to be pet

How Finley fared: Thankfully, this is one of Finley’s favorite things to do: accept attention from a new person. And one of the first things we trained her to do is sit when we stop to greet someone or for her to receive attention. And much like test 1, we get to practice this almost every day on our walks outside. She does this successfully, again without “shyness or resentment.”

Test 3: Appearance and grooming

How Finley fared: Although Finley doesn’t require haircuts, we’ve been giving her baths, dremeling her nails, cleaning her ears and brushing her teeth from the very beginning. She certainly doesn’t love the experience of being groomed, but she tolerates it well. As instructed by her breeder, we got her used to having us touch her all over her body, put our hands in her mouth, and examine her ears and eyes. As far as appearances go, Finley is the type of dog who licks herself clean at the end of the day, so she’s always well kept. But for dogs who aren’t inclined to do that, some well-timed treats while you brush and bathe are a good idea.

Test 4: Walk on a loose lead

How Finley fared: Having plenty of experience walking dogs who pull, I was highly motivated to train my own dog to walk politely when we brought her home. Thanks to some great web articles, my husband and I were able to train her in her first year. Part of the AKC test requires doing a right turn, a left turn and an about turn, with at least one stop in between. For a million reasons, these are all part of our daily walks so Finley is more than accustomed to following our sometimes erratic routes.

Test 5: Walk through a crowd

How Finley fared: I’m the type of person who will take my dog with me wherever I’m going, whether it’s the farmers’ market, the park or dog-friendly errands like Home Depot. So while we don’t get tons of practice on crowded city streets, Finley has plenty of experience weaving through people both indoors and out.

Test 6: Sit and down on command, and stay in place

Finley knows how to sit and stay. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

How Finley fared: For Finley, sit was the easiest command to learn and she does it 100 times a day for us now. But there were times I never thought Finley would learn the down command. She seemed averse to lying on the ground from a standing or sitting position, unless it was to collapse in a heap at the end of the day. But lots of training (and treats!) finally got us there. Getting her to stay was not as difficult as I had feared. Still, she waits politely for her instructions and is always happy-as-can-be when we give her the “ok!”

Test 7: Come when called

How Finley fared: Being a velcro dog, Finley has to be told to “stay” to get further than a few feet from us. This test requires walking 10 feet away from your dog, so I would have Finley sit or go into the down position, then stay while I walked away. Again, she’s vigilantly listening for the “come!” command and more than happy to oblige the mini reunion.

Test 8: React to another dog

How Finley fared: Introducing Finley to other dogs from an early age (after she received all her shots, of course) meant putting her on the path to good canine citizenship. At this point, I’m confident my pup will get along with just about any other dog. This portion of the test involves other dogs and their owners approaching for a greeting but the dogs “should show no more than casual interest in each other.” I’ll be the first to admit, my dog is an enthusiastic butt sniffer. So to make sure she keeps her distance I simply tell her to “sit” and “stay.”

Test 9: React to distraction

How Finley fared: I’d argue that this is a great skill for humans to have as well, but teaching a dog to remain calm during any unexpected noise or movement can be super important. Letting your dog explore the world with you is one great way to do that. Finley has witnessed cars backfiring, bikers whizzing by, and toy basketball hoops crashing down to the ground (thanks to our toddler), all without flinching. It would be difficult to orchestrate such distractions, but thankfully the real world provides plenty of practice.

Test 10: Supervised separation

How Finley fared: If you’re a doting dog parent (like me), you’re familiar with the concept of asking someone to watch your dog or keep her company if you leave the house for more than a few hours. Not only have paid dog sitters watched Finley, but nearly all of our extended family members have as well. For the record, Finley’s separation anxiety has little to do with me or my husband. She loves people — all people— and just wants to hang out with them. In this case, the test requires I go out of sight for three minutes and Finley stay with the trusted handler without panicking or misbehaving. As long as it’s a warm body willing to be next to Finley, she’s good as gold!

Once you’ve mastered the CGC test, there’s no telling what else you and your dog can accomplish. For Finley and me, that might mean some tracking work. My pup loves a good scent and can find treats that we hide around the house for her. Anything to keep her busy and on her best behavior!

Tell us: Is your dog a Canine Good Citizen? Would you try to get your dog to pass the test? Let us know how you did it in the comments, and learn more by visiting the Canine Good Citizen Program website.

Thumbnail: Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

Read more about dog training on Dogster.com:

What to Do to Stop Dog Chewing

7 Ways to Turn Walking the Dog Into a Workout

Why Do Dogs Bark? Reasons Dogs Bark and How to Stop Excessive Dog Barking

The post How Your Dog Can Pass the Canine Good Citizen Test appeared first on Dogster.

[buynewsoul]

How Your Dog Can Pass the Canine Good Citizen Test

I’ve done lots of training with my five-year-old Vizsla, Finley. Tons, in fact. She’s smart and energetic and really wants to work with me on new challenges. Plus, she has severe separation anxiety, so my husband and I have spent countless hours on basic training, desensitization and counterconditioning, trick training in an effort to physically and mentally exhaust her, and more. But one thing we had yet to tackle is the American Kennel Club’s Canine Good Citizen Test.

First, what is the AKC’s Canine Good Citizen Test?

Finley waits patiently. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

The AKC’s Canine Good Citizen, or CGC, program has been around since 1989 and is intended to instruct and inspire responsible dog ownership. Acing the test is about much more than bragging rights or framing a certificate to hang on your wall. There are practical benefits to your pup passing the 10-point exam. It’s a major bargaining chip when you’re checking into a dog-friendly hotel, it’s a good starting point for more advanced training like agility, it will give both you and your dog a boost of confidence and perhaps inspire you to do even more training together, and you may even inspire other people and pets in your community to achieve the title.

What’s more, if you’re hiring a dog sitter or walker or trying to enroll your pup in doggy daycare, having the CGC credential will be somewhat of a feather in your cap. And you’re given official acknowledgement — plus self-assurance— that your dog knows how to behave just about anywhere.

I was convinced the program was worth our time. To get started, I read the AKC’s Responsible Dog Owner’s Pledge, which covers everything from ensuring that your dog’s health, safety, exercise, training and quality of life needs are met, to picking up your dog’s poop in public places. Then, reading through the test itself, I soon realized this was something we had been preparing for since day one of welcoming Finley into our family. Of course, there are obedience classes you can register for and even formal CGC training that you can complete, but it might not be necessary if you take matters into your own hands and are motivated to help your pet. Here’s how I did it with my dog, Finley.

Test 1: Accept a friendly stranger

Finley is polite but curious. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

How Finley fared: Finley is the type of dog who receives a lot of attention when we’re out and about. People often approach us exclaiming, “How cute!” or “Awww!” and my husband and I often think they’re referring to our little (human) girl. Nope, they’re usually in awe of Finley. She’s a beautiful pup with a warm disposition and seems to be a magnet for friendly people.

From the very beginning when we brought her home at 7 weeks, we exposed her to all types of people in all types of situations to help her become well socialized. This has always meant a lot of leash walks around the neighborhood, running into people we know or other people with dogs who want to say “hello.” The AKC test requires your dog “show no sign of resentment or shyness” when a friendly stranger approaches to speak with the owner and shake their hand. Check and check! Finley usually just waits to be acknowledged, which usually happens soon after I am.

Test 2: Sit politely to be pet

How Finley fared: Thankfully, this is one of Finley’s favorite things to do: accept attention from a new person. And one of the first things we trained her to do is sit when we stop to greet someone or for her to receive attention. And much like test 1, we get to practice this almost every day on our walks outside. She does this successfully, again without “shyness or resentment.”

Test 3: Appearance and grooming

How Finley fared: Although Finley doesn’t require haircuts, we’ve been giving her baths, dremeling her nails, cleaning her ears and brushing her teeth from the very beginning. She certainly doesn’t love the experience of being groomed, but she tolerates it well. As instructed by her breeder, we got her used to having us touch her all over her body, put our hands in her mouth, and examine her ears and eyes. As far as appearances go, Finley is the type of dog who licks herself clean at the end of the day, so she’s always well kept. But for dogs who aren’t inclined to do that, some well-timed treats while you brush and bathe are a good idea.

Test 4: Walk on a loose lead

How Finley fared: Having plenty of experience walking dogs who pull, I was highly motivated to train my own dog to walk politely when we brought her home. Thanks to some great web articles, my husband and I were able to train her in her first year. Part of the AKC test requires doing a right turn, a left turn and an about turn, with at least one stop in between. For a million reasons, these are all part of our daily walks so Finley is more than accustomed to following our sometimes erratic routes.

Test 5: Walk through a crowd

How Finley fared: I’m the type of person who will take my dog with me wherever I’m going, whether it’s the farmers’ market, the park or dog-friendly errands like Home Depot. So while we don’t get tons of practice on crowded city streets, Finley has plenty of experience weaving through people both indoors and out.

Test 6: Sit and down on command, and stay in place

Finley knows how to sit and stay. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

How Finley fared: For Finley, sit was the easiest command to learn and she does it 100 times a day for us now. But there were times I never thought Finley would learn the down command. She seemed averse to lying on the ground from a standing or sitting position, unless it was to collapse in a heap at the end of the day. But lots of training (and treats!) finally got us there. Getting her to stay was not as difficult as I had feared. Still, she waits politely for her instructions and is always happy-as-can-be when we give her the “ok!”

Test 7: Come when called

How Finley fared: Being a velcro dog, Finley has to be told to “stay” to get further than a few feet from us. This test requires walking 10 feet away from your dog, so I would have Finley sit or go into the down position, then stay while I walked away. Again, she’s vigilantly listening for the “come!” command and more than happy to oblige the mini reunion.

Test 8: React to another dog

How Finley fared: Introducing Finley to other dogs from an early age (after she received all her shots, of course) meant putting her on the path to good canine citizenship. At this point, I’m confident my pup will get along with just about any other dog. This portion of the test involves other dogs and their owners approaching for a greeting but the dogs “should show no more than casual interest in each other.” I’ll be the first to admit, my dog is an enthusiastic butt sniffer. So to make sure she keeps her distance I simply tell her to “sit” and “stay.”

Test 9: React to distraction

How Finley fared: I’d argue that this is a great skill for humans to have as well, but teaching a dog to remain calm during any unexpected noise or movement can be super important. Letting your dog explore the world with you is one great way to do that. Finley has witnessed cars backfiring, bikers whizzing by, and toy basketball hoops crashing down to the ground (thanks to our toddler), all without flinching. It would be difficult to orchestrate such distractions, but thankfully the real world provides plenty of practice.

Test 10: Supervised separation

How Finley fared: If you’re a doting dog parent (like me), you’re familiar with the concept of asking someone to watch your dog or keep her company if you leave the house for more than a few hours. Not only have paid dog sitters watched Finley, but nearly all of our extended family members have as well. For the record, Finley’s separation anxiety has little to do with me or my husband. She loves people — all people— and just wants to hang out with them. In this case, the test requires I go out of sight for three minutes and Finley stay with the trusted handler without panicking or misbehaving. As long as it’s a warm body willing to be next to Finley, she’s good as gold!

Once you’ve mastered the CGC test, there’s no telling what else you and your dog can accomplish. For Finley and me, that might mean some tracking work. My pup loves a good scent and can find treats that we hide around the house for her. Anything to keep her busy and on her best behavior!

Tell us: Is your dog a Canine Good Citizen? Would you try to get your dog to pass the test? Let us know how you did it in the comments, and learn more by visiting the Canine Good Citizen Program website.

Thumbnail: Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

Read more about dog training on Dogster.com:

What to Do to Stop Dog Chewing

7 Ways to Turn Walking the Dog Into a Workout

Why Do Dogs Bark? Reasons Dogs Bark and How to Stop Excessive Dog Barking

The post How Your Dog Can Pass the Canine Good Citizen Test appeared first on Dogster.

[grublypetcare]

How Your Dog Can Pass the Canine Good Citizen Test

I’ve done lots of training with my five-year-old Vizsla, Finley. Tons, in fact. She’s smart and energetic and really wants to work with me on new challenges. Plus, she has severe separation anxiety, so my husband and I have spent countless hours on basic training, desensitization and counterconditioning, trick training in an effort to physically and mentally exhaust her, and more. But one thing we had yet to tackle is the American Kennel Club’s Canine Good Citizen Test.

First, what is the AKC’s Canine Good Citizen Test?

Finley waits patiently. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

The AKC’s Canine Good Citizen, or CGC, program has been around since 1989 and is intended to instruct and inspire responsible dog ownership. Acing the test is about much more than bragging rights or framing a certificate to hang on your wall. There are practical benefits to your pup passing the 10-point exam. It’s a major bargaining chip when you’re checking into a dog-friendly hotel, it’s a good starting point for more advanced training like agility, it will give both you and your dog a boost of confidence and perhaps inspire you to do even more training together, and you may even inspire other people and pets in your community to achieve the title.

What’s more, if you’re hiring a dog sitter or walker or trying to enroll your pup in doggy daycare, having the CGC credential will be somewhat of a feather in your cap. And you’re given official acknowledgement — plus self-assurance— that your dog knows how to behave just about anywhere.

I was convinced the program was worth our time. To get started, I read the AKC’s Responsible Dog Owner’s Pledge, which covers everything from ensuring that your dog’s health, safety, exercise, training and quality of life needs are met, to picking up your dog’s poop in public places. Then, reading through the test itself, I soon realized this was something we had been preparing for since day one of welcoming Finley into our family. Of course, there are obedience classes you can register for and even formal CGC training that you can complete, but it might not be necessary if you take matters into your own hands and are motivated to help your pet. Here’s how I did it with my dog, Finley.

Test 1: Accept a friendly stranger

Finley is polite but curious. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

How Finley fared: Finley is the type of dog who receives a lot of attention when we’re out and about. People often approach us exclaiming, “How cute!” or “Awww!” and my husband and I often think they’re referring to our little (human) girl. Nope, they’re usually in awe of Finley. She’s a beautiful pup with a warm disposition and seems to be a magnet for friendly people.

From the very beginning when we brought her home at 7 weeks, we exposed her to all types of people in all types of situations to help her become well socialized. This has always meant a lot of leash walks around the neighborhood, running into people we know or other people with dogs who want to say “hello.” The AKC test requires your dog “show no sign of resentment or shyness” when a friendly stranger approaches to speak with the owner and shake their hand. Check and check! Finley usually just waits to be acknowledged, which usually happens soon after I am.

Test 2: Sit politely to be pet

How Finley fared: Thankfully, this is one of Finley’s favorite things to do: accept attention from a new person. And one of the first things we trained her to do is sit when we stop to greet someone or for her to receive attention. And much like test 1, we get to practice this almost every day on our walks outside. She does this successfully, again without “shyness or resentment.”

Test 3: Appearance and grooming

How Finley fared: Although Finley doesn’t require haircuts, we’ve been giving her baths, dremeling her nails, cleaning her ears and brushing her teeth from the very beginning. She certainly doesn’t love the experience of being groomed, but she tolerates it well. As instructed by her breeder, we got her used to having us touch her all over her body, put our hands in her mouth, and examine her ears and eyes. As far as appearances go, Finley is the type of dog who licks herself clean at the end of the day, so she’s always well kept. But for dogs who aren’t inclined to do that, some well-timed treats while you brush and bathe are a good idea.

Test 4: Walk on a loose lead

How Finley fared: Having plenty of experience walking dogs who pull, I was highly motivated to train my own dog to walk politely when we brought her home. Thanks to some great web articles, my husband and I were able to train her in her first year. Part of the AKC test requires doing a right turn, a left turn and an about turn, with at least one stop in between. For a million reasons, these are all part of our daily walks so Finley is more than accustomed to following our sometimes erratic routes.

Test 5: Walk through a crowd

How Finley fared: I’m the type of person who will take my dog with me wherever I’m going, whether it’s the farmers’ market, the park or dog-friendly errands like Home Depot. So while we don’t get tons of practice on crowded city streets, Finley has plenty of experience weaving through people both indoors and out.

Test 6: Sit and down on command, and stay in place

Finley knows how to sit and stay. Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

How Finley fared: For Finley, sit was the easiest command to learn and she does it 100 times a day for us now. But there were times I never thought Finley would learn the down command. She seemed averse to lying on the ground from a standing or sitting position, unless it was to collapse in a heap at the end of the day. But lots of training (and treats!) finally got us there. Getting her to stay was not as difficult as I had feared. Still, she waits politely for her instructions and is always happy-as-can-be when we give her the “ok!”

Test 7: Come when called

How Finley fared: Being a velcro dog, Finley has to be told to “stay” to get further than a few feet from us. This test requires walking 10 feet away from your dog, so I would have Finley sit or go into the down position, then stay while I walked away. Again, she’s vigilantly listening for the “come!” command and more than happy to oblige the mini reunion.

Test 8: React to another dog

How Finley fared: Introducing Finley to other dogs from an early age (after she received all her shots, of course) meant putting her on the path to good canine citizenship. At this point, I’m confident my pup will get along with just about any other dog. This portion of the test involves other dogs and their owners approaching for a greeting but the dogs “should show no more than casual interest in each other.” I’ll be the first to admit, my dog is an enthusiastic butt sniffer. So to make sure she keeps her distance I simply tell her to “sit” and “stay.”

Test 9: React to distraction

How Finley fared: I’d argue that this is a great skill for humans to have as well, but teaching a dog to remain calm during any unexpected noise or movement can be super important. Letting your dog explore the world with you is one great way to do that. Finley has witnessed cars backfiring, bikers whizzing by, and toy basketball hoops crashing down to the ground (thanks to our toddler), all without flinching. It would be difficult to orchestrate such distractions, but thankfully the real world provides plenty of practice.

Test 10: Supervised separation

How Finley fared: If you’re a doting dog parent (like me), you’re familiar with the concept of asking someone to watch your dog or keep her company if you leave the house for more than a few hours. Not only have paid dog sitters watched Finley, but nearly all of our extended family members have as well. For the record, Finley’s separation anxiety has little to do with me or my husband. She loves people — all people— and just wants to hang out with them. In this case, the test requires I go out of sight for three minutes and Finley stay with the trusted handler without panicking or misbehaving. As long as it’s a warm body willing to be next to Finley, she’s good as gold!

Once you’ve mastered the CGC test, there’s no telling what else you and your dog can accomplish. For Finley and me, that might mean some tracking work. My pup loves a good scent and can find treats that we hide around the house for her. Anything to keep her busy and on her best behavior!

Tell us: Is your dog a Canine Good Citizen? Would you try to get your dog to pass the test? Let us know how you did it in the comments, and learn more by visiting the Canine Good Citizen Program website.

Thumbnail: Photography by Whitney C. Harris.

Read more about dog training on Dogster.com:

What to Do to Stop Dog Chewing

7 Ways to Turn Walking the Dog Into a Workout

Why Do Dogs Bark? Reasons Dogs Bark and How to Stop Excessive Dog Barking

The post How Your Dog Can Pass the Canine Good Citizen Test appeared first on Dogster.

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

22 Things Every Woman Should Do Before Turning 22

New blog post! Don't ask me how it happened, but I somehow had my 22cd birthday yesterday! If someone would've told me that, at 22 years old, I would be living in Mankato, Minnesota and teaching a college class, I would've been shocked. As surprising as the last year has been, though, I've had my share of adventures. So, to celebrate on the blog, I thought I'd do something a little different this year: share a "birthday bucket list," per se, with some of my favorite moments from 22 years of lovin' and livin'.

Whether you're over 22, about to have your 22cd birthday or just want some fun ways to have a more epic life, here are 22 things you should do before you turn 22!

1. Spend at least one weekend without Internet access.

As a blogger, it can be especially challenging to unplug. Once you do it, though, you'll be amazed at how refreshed you feel...and how much more motivated you are to type up another post!

2. Have one dish that you can make without even looking at the recipe.

For me, this dish is definitely my homemade gluten free and vegan granola! I make a big batch every week, and I usually just throw whatever goodies I have on hand into the mix. It always comes out equally delicious!

3. Figure out how to read for fun on the regular.

I get it. When I was in undergrad, I rarely ever read books for fun. As a writing major, I already felt like I was reading and writing a ton! Now, as a grad student getting an MFA in Creative Nonfiction, I still feel like words rule my day...recently, though, I've become addicted to audiobooks. Now, I can enjoy my psychological thrillers without having to have time to sit still and actually read. The moral of the story? Keep experimenting with book genres and formats until you find the right mix that works for you!

4. Make a big mistake...and move past it.

So, maybe making a big mistake shouldn't be an actual goal of yours. But, in your early 20s (heck - any age, really), making mistakes is guaranteed to happen. So accept the situation, forgive yourself and learn how to move on. This is one skill you'll use time and time again.

5. Take a long walk with a good friend.

If you're struggling to balance all the demands of a well-rounded life, try combining your social life and your workout schedule. You'll be surprised how refreshing a good walk with a good friend can be - physically and emotionally.

6. Say "yes" to a work opportunity that scares the heck out of you.

Remember those pre teen growing pains? The sad part is that you don't really grow out of them. When I worked my first full-time job, I was given the chance to travel to Los Angeles and teach a class to the other Entity interns. It was a long, stressful and chaotic day...but it also showed me that I could roll with the punches a lot better than I thought!

7. Do something that makes you feel like a kid again.

Go to Disneyland. Dress up in the most ridiculous Halloween costumes you can think of and go Trick-or-Treating. Ride a seesaw while rocking a homecoming gown (been there, happily done that). The options are endless.

8. Go on at least one memorable girl's night.

My 21st birthday will always be particularly special thanks to the celebratory girl's night out my roomies and I enjoyed a month later. True Foods Kitchen + my first taste of alcohol (which is not really my thing, it turns out) + a random late-night visit to CVS. Lots of good food and even more good laughs!

9. Call a loved one who you don't talk to enough.

I'm definitely guilty of not talking to my extended family as much as I probably should...but those fifteen minutes spent catching up with grandma are always so worth it.

10. Take a short trip to Vegas!

Cliche? Yes. Still worth doing? Also yes.

11. Try a new workout with no expectations of how well you'll do it or how much you'll enjoy it.

No, I'm not saying you should sign up for a marathon and YOLO it, even if you've only run a 5K. However, there's something super rewarding about experimenting with a new workout routine without any preset beliefs at how "awesome" you'll be at it. Case in point: trying rock climbing with my dad turned out to be one of the major highlights of my summer. You'll never know what you're missing out on until you try!

12. Eat a huge, delicious, arguably unhealthy meal - and have zero guilt whatsoever.

I like eating healthy. I like how good healthy eating can make me feel. But, sometimes, a girl just needs a big, juicy burger (or whatever other comfort food is calling your name). Eat it, enjoy it and keep kicking life's booty!

13. Purchase at least one "power" outfit. 

Whether it's a tailored suit, a sweet pair of tight jeans or just your favorite comfy sweater, find an outfit that makes you feel like superwoman. Consider the day majorly slayed!

14. Watch the sunset...and I mean, really watch it.

You could say that going to college at PLNU desensitized me to sunsets. When you're used to seeing glorious colors of pink and blue and gold paint the sky every night, it can be easy to take that beauty for granted. But those nights that I sat out on the cliffs with friends, doing nothing but talking and watching the sun sink into the ocean, are some of my fondest memories.

15. Go to a social event that scares you and promise to stay at least 20 minutes.

I'm not a natural extrovert. When I'm with people I know well, I'm goofy, sassy and a little bit smart-assy (as my best friend puts it). Meeting new people, though, is challenging. So, I try to tell myself that if I go to an event and am just not feeling it, I can leave after 20 minutes. A lot of the time, though, I end up enjoying myself so much, I stay for a few hours.

16. Don't wear any makeup for at least a week.

From the time I graduated college in December of 2016 to when I started grad school on July 31, 2017, I wore makeup for two days during my college graduation in January. Sure, my self esteem gets a little boost when I cover spots or tired eyes with a swipe of foundation. But learning to accept - if not love - my own skin is even more rewarding.

17. Take yourself out on a date.

Who says you need to have a significant other to go on a date? Treat yourself to an epic me-date by going to your favorite restaurant, enjoying a long walk on a gorgeous day or even just spending the whole day relaxing with Netflix!

18. Find a way to volunteer that you actually enjoy.

It's easy to say that you don't have time to volunteer. My last semester of college, though, I spent a few Saturdays a month visiting a local assisted living home. While every visit wasn't great, there were a few conversations that still stick out in my mind. I'm going to try volunteering at an assisted living home in Mankato, this time with a writing workshop. I start two days after this post goes live, so we'll see what happens!

Like this post? Then tweet me some love by clicking here: "This #celiac is celebrating her #glutenfree b-day by sharing 22 things you should do before age 22! @collegeceliackc http://bit.ly/2eMEBsn"

19. Go on an epic road trip. 

If you've never traveled across the United States (or even just visited a few new states) in a car stuffed with a few of your favorite people, fix that error ASAP! Road trips can definitely be challenging and it's easy to get a little stir-crazy. But is there really a more "classically American" way to see the U.S. than through a car window?

20. Pay a little extra to buy that exotic food you've always wanted to try.

I'll admit it - dragonfruit actually isn't that flavorful. However, you do also eat with your eyes...and it's one cool looking fruit.

21. Stay up way too late doing, well, nothing!

Some of the other college memories that stick out the most in my mind? The nights where I went to bed waaaaay too late because I spent too much time talking about random things with my friends. The sleep deprivation was 100% worth it!

22. Dare to say "yes" to opportunities that scare you - even if you never imagined ending up where they lead.

Since I grew up as a marine brat, I'm used to not knowing where I'd be living a few years in the future. Yet, I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, disoriented and wondering, "How the heck did I end up living in Mankato, Minnesota?!?" And - to be brutally honest - the first month of living on my own in an entirely new state hasn't been easy.

But as I celebrate another year of adventures, surprises and delicious food, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the chance to grow, not only as a writer and teacher, but also as a person. I'm proud of the walls I've already run into and scaled. Even more importantly, I'm excited to see what 22 years old has in store for me. Let the next chapter of Casey's adventure begin! via Blogger http://ift.tt/2xcAqB9