#one major stressor at a time lmfao

[bigmammallama5]

My parents bought their 4 bed 3.5 bath house 32 years ago for $145,000 (originally $200,000). This summer a similar house a block away (similar age, 4 bed 3.5 bath, slightly smaller lot) went up for $800,000. It's since been reduced to $650,000 and they put some more work into it, but it's still on the market. I know interest and investment and overall cost of living raise prices, but that just seems like highway robbery to me.

[morethanonepage]

everything divisible by 3

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

hmmm i’m not sure what stands out most for other people but when i read my own fic, the thing i find most genuinely funny is when i slip and throw in some vocab or sentence construction that’s obviously from ~my day job. my absolute favorite example of this is from a sex scene:

(a million years ago, in college, i took a lit class that was like, literature for STEM majors or w/e, looking at books from a more scientific perspective, and we read dr jekyll and mr. hyde and did a whole thing about how Robert Louis Stevenson had studied engineering so a lot of his work has elements of like -- the conservation of matter & the forces required to do something, etc, etc. so i’ve always been a little charmed by the idea that as a ~writer~ certain other aspects of my background show up sometimes, entirely by accident.)

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

Coming up with plots that i then never write.

But yeah in general I’m good at like, plotting out an AU (or even an in-world) fic that could be interesting, and posting about it vaguely, and then doing absolutely nothing with it.

When it comes to things I actually DO write -- idk nothing comes easily but sex scenes are actually much easier (if more embarrassing) for me to actually get on paper (as it were) than almost anything else.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

i have trouble writing characters i just don’t like very much but feel like i have to include for some reason -- like rey is never my favorite character in a star wars fic but as i talked about recently, she’s so important to finn that it feels OOC to write finn and not have her around in some capacity. but i have a hard time getting a read on her/her voice so i uh. sometimes cheat and just have her off stage for most of the fic. 

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

I’m excited to have the massive oft-abandoned finnpoe AU done with! I call it the The West Wing/Bunheads mashup that -- literally no one would ever think of, why does it exist? who knows. But it features some political snarking and some explorations of race and sexuality and rose is really fun in it (imo) and there’s some good leia & poe vibes that aren’t them being like, replacement family for each other (since they still have actual families of their own). and i’m still working through it but there’s also an element of dealing with an issue that i’m still not over, i.e., the fact that leia is so relentlessly and obviously pushing poe into a leadership position when it really doesn’t seem to be what poe wants. 

I’m also vaguely excited for some random johnchas stuff that I keep planning to write based on chastantine anons i’ve gotten -- I really hope those folks are still around and haven’t been scared off by how -- slow I am at writing anything.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

Les Mis lmfao. Like Les Mis fandom is so fucking wild on every front -- so, so wanky -- and i felt like a total outsider the whole time i was in it. there’s some good valvert stuff but for the most part, man, i’m glad to be out of it.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

Oooh tie between the John Constantine/Jake Peralta things (WHY) and the John/Chas/Trenchcoat fic, bc also, WHY.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Shamefully, it’s still John & Chas. Like I can’t even really say why -- the show is so long ago, none of the new stuff John is in really deals with it, but I just -- i’m love them, your honor!!!

they just idk hit the exact right vibe that i like, to wit: 

1) Friends to lovers

2) Foundational angst

3) Inability to speak of Feelings on both sides (so I don’t have to do the exhausting “Pls talk to me!!!”/”No I SHAN’T” fights)

4) Size difference

5) Unabashed physicality (which ties into...

6) The fact that they don’t talk but have a lot of FEELINGS and at least one of them is really into sex means they theoretically would eff a lot but not talk about it and idk i just enjoy that

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One shots. I find chaptered works so stressful -- I try to NEVER post anything multichapter without having completed the whole thing (every single time I’ve tried to post something that’s still a WIP, with the assumption that ‘well i know where this is going it’ll be easy enough to get the next chapter up within the week’ i have NEVER succeeded in finishing).

But since I don’t start posting till i’m done, it’s hard to get the motivation to finish, bc I’m not getting the necessary praise and attention that I really bank on to have the motivation to keep going. 

And even when I DO finish, the new stress becomes -- how often should i post chapters? how often should i read & respond to comments? if the comments seem to suggest readers believe something is going on that’s NOT what’s going on, should I tell them? Or should I change the fic according to those comments? Or should I not read ANY comments till it’s done?

Or -- and this is usually how exhausted i am with the whole process -- should I just post the whole 60,000 word fic at once, and leave it at that?

One shots are the best. NONE of those stressors. A nice, solid, 10k word one shot that has some smut and some plot and some angst and some fluff is -- the ideal.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

Someone once said that john/chas shippers were lucky to have me in the fandom and i just about cried. 

also:

In general I just get such lovely comments -- someone once said one of my john/chas fics felt like “something that would’ve happened on the show” (god bless them, bc it did not, but isn’t it pretty to think so), and one time someone was surprised at how few kudos a finnpoe fic of mine had bc they’d liked it so much. that sort of thing always makes my day.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

i’m all about the (un)happy medium -- a bittersweet moment of fluff that acknowledges the inherent/unavoidable angst of existence. but i don’t like to write characters actively suffering in very -- in your face ways. i like inner turmoil that is repressed/ignored and is always just about to be unleashed (but usually isn’t).

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i mean i feel bad for always complaining about how hard writing is for me -- like, the privilege of being able to write at all is very real, so for me to bitch that it requires effort seems a bit douchey. but writing is genuinely very rough going for me, partly because i’m always kind of embarrassed about it, partly bc given how hard i am on other people’s writing, i’m in some ways EVEN HARDER on my own. but for all that whining i do -- get genuine joy out of completing a fic, and having it be enjoyed by others. i really am so glad to bring -- any kind of moment of happiness (or, if the fic calls for it, sadness or melancholy) to others. 

[consistent-self-destruction]

i am so !!! happy !!! right now !!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i almost never post on this silly little digital diary when im happy, most of my posts are vent posts LMFAO.

ahh but seriously i'm in such a good mood sigh. for like the past week and a half i've been in a mental / physical yucky space. i had a major asthma attack for the first time in 3 years and it made me a little leftover sick and super congested so i just felt icky for days but it's finally mostly cleared up so i feel so much stronger and less sad weak-bodied, head throbbing, loser lungs vibe yas. then i finally got my covid vax ( only god knows why it took my parents SO FUCKING LONG ). and my arm was hurting like a bitch yesterday but it's feeling a lot better today - like i don't feel any pain. i woke up early today and took a nice cleansing shower and did skincare and just taking care of my body felt so refreshing and i feel so light ( but not light headed, a grounded kind of light. like sturdy but gentle walking feet and free-spirited aura and posture <3 ). i made breakfast because it's been a while and it's become a form of self care for me and i ate outside and enjoyed the sun yayayay. i need to go outside more often, it's healing. and the house is clean and tidy so clean space clear mind !! all that's left is my room which i intend to get to literally !! right !! now !! well once im done with this LMAO.

other things making me happy: just little interactions with people. sometimes interacting with people makes me so happy - whether it's friends or mutuals or people i'm getting to know. it's such a simple pleasure. this girl i've always wanted to be friends with from school added me on snap and i told her that i always thought her and her friends were so cool and she said "omg i love you" and it was just so sweet. and my friend kym is making me a playlist !! she's an angel ugh. and last !!! got in touch with one of my roommates for college !! hehehe so exciting.

i have a lot of worries and stressors but with such a positive start to the day, they've been pushed to the back of my mind for now, which is nice :) it's gonna be a good day, it already has been hehe. now to clean my room and make it even better yas

- 7.31.22 | 12:58 PM -