#all this shit takes forever but i have uhhhh a lot of free time

[robustcornhusk]

actually i'm pretty pleased with how well i managed the food this week: i did the "go to the farmer's market, all caʒ, and get whatever looks good!" thing and i've used almost all of it -- there's some alliums left, and fava greens which seem to keep surprisingly well (as long as you plan to cook them)

for the satisfaction alone, i'd love to get back to actually making breakfast again but that tends to get off the rails pretty fast, since it's a huge hassle to actually cook that early in the morning (sleepy...), i always take longer than i want to, there's a lot of advanced prep necessary (cinnamon rolls! etc), so it just results in a shitton of work for something we don't actually like anymore than bagels

more plausibly i gotta get back to making my own bread. we got two loaves last weekend from two fancy bakeries nearby, and they're definitely better than what i can reliably make, but it's a matter of degree and not kind.

[starstruckmoony]

style.

masterlist

pairing - sirius black x fem!reader

summary - you and sirius start dating after accidentally running into each other at a concert but confirm nothing, just to watch everyone lose their shit online.

trope/tags - band/celeb!au, instagram/social media!au, modern!au, fluff, terrible humour

word count - 991

warnings - language

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

yourusername added to their story

starmanblack

❤ liked by yourusername, bartyyy, bellatrixieb and 674,333 others

starmanblack mv leak?? 😱😱

tagged prongsyboy, rjlupin, pete__, maraudersofficial

3,942 comments

prongsyboy last time i did that they threatened to fire me

starmanblack lol i wouldn't worry, i'm irreplaceable

prongsyboy OI NOT FUNNY

rjlupin you're bold af for tagging all of us

starmanblack it's so you can take half the blame

mmmckinnon looks cheap

starmanblack get out

marymacdonald my serotonin levels rose a bit

pete__ are we still your favourite band?

marymacdonald forever and always pete 😚

user728288 did y/n like his post or am i trippin?

user862945 i already cried to the album don't make me cry again

user001991 boyfriend

user446622 you signed my shirt yesterday

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, vance_emm, cissy_blck and 689,672 others

yourusername studiocore

tagged mmmckinnon

3,784 comments

starmanblack the amount of times i've tripped on those wires is bloody ridiculous

yourusername gotta love being a singer

starmanblack you're good at it

yourusername 😳

vance_emm seems like a cool aesthetic tbh

yourusername it's a lifestyle at this point

mmmckinnon we should write some songs together next time

prongsyboy and they can all be about how amazing sirius' hair is

yourusername i've got a few in the chamber already

starmanblack i'm blushing

user272720 does this mean y/n x marlene duet?

user647372 WHAT I THOUGHT U WERE ON TOUR

user327776 she's multitasking

user001911 are we all just gonna ignore y/n saying she's got songs about sirius' damn hair?

user338288 NO BUT I SAW THAT AND CRIED THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING GOING ON

user133543 uhhhh new album? pls say yes

user382809 OMG???

starmanblack added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, lily_evans, vance_emm and 713,944 others

yourusername thank you for those three beautiful shows edinburgh! i shall be going home with lots of wonderful memories and a bag of gummy bears 💕 (special thanks to whoever gave those to my favourite security lady (alice ily 💓))

tagged ev.rosier

4,409 comments

starmanblack so when are you coming to london?

yourusername when are you free?

starmanblack can i slide into your dms?

yourusername you're free to try 😚

mmmckinnon my throat is so sore i can barely speak

casmeadowes i CAN'T speak

yourusername that means i was good 🤪

pete__ can i come for free next show?

yourusername we can negotiate

prongsyboy i volunteer to spectate from the first row

yourusername pay up prongsy boy

user055251 best experience of my life

user293929 I GOT A GUITAR PICK QUDOQIDJQJDJQDJQJSJ

user456268 can you fight?

user288882 SIRIUS LMFAOOO

user564400 i love him XHADJJAJSJA he's lowkey flirting

user919292 doesn't he have a gf though?

user444447 naw they broke up

user667634 I WAS THERE I WAS THERE

user709111 COME TO GERMANY PLS

starmanblack

❤ liked by yourusername, r.a.black, pandorasbox and 701,232 others

starmanblack unmatched unspoken w rizz

tagged rjlupin

4,111 comments

yourusername you look like you're about freestyle it

starmanblack rapping is my hidden talent

yourusername 😲😲😲😲

marymacdonald HOW did you make remus agree to that?

rjlupin i was bullied please come help me

xeno_lovegood is there context behind this?

ev.rosier there's never context with them

prongsyboy evan is right

user029390 someone make green screen edits i'm begging

user372919 are you and y/n dating?

user644211 ffs y'all are annoying af 💀

user747373 early halloween party?

user327372 HELP ME WHAT

user654553 sirius you're famous 😭

celeb_gossip

♡ 32,982 likes

celeb_gossip not long after his split with actress emma vanity, sirius black has been pulled into some unexpected dating rumours with fellow rockstar, y/n l/n. the two singers have been leaving some interesting comments under one another's posts recently, and fans claim to have seen them together at marlene mckinnon's shows and several other occasions. the alleged couple, however, has not been photographed together yet. what do you think? 🤔 is this just another senseless rumour? 🤨 or is there something more going on? 👀 drop a comment and let us know your thoughts 😘💋

1,063 comments

user709111 never thought i'd see pictures of those two side by side

user900012 wouldn't be surprised if they were together actually

user915624 why does it even matter? 💀

user362625 they're just friends lmfao you all need to get a life

user422224 i thought y/n was dating evan 😭😭

user374848 HELPPP NO HE'S JUST HER PHOTOGRAPHER

user929397 honestly y/n should date me

user113231 PLS BE TRUE DHAHDJAJSHW

user800001 THIS WOULD BE MY DREAM

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, pete__, casmeadowes and 700,512 others

yourusername one day i'm gonna release a song about this little demon and you lot better make it my most streamed track

4,995 comments

starmanblack ooo threats?

yourusername i need everyone to appreciate my pets

starmanblack i have a photo of him looking guilty after he peed on my carpet

yourusername use it as your profile picture

starmanblack done

maraudersofficial THAT WAS THE OFFICAL ACCOUNT SIRIUS

pandorasbox put it on an album and include limited edition photocards of him

yourusername can i hire you?

r.a.black cats are better

marymacdonald as a cat mother, i agree

starmanblack wrong but okay

user433322 I MISSED HIS LITTLE PHOTOS

user111000 AAAAHHGDHSHD CUTE

user726261 I WILL STREAM ITTT

user939290 even your dog got to meet sirius before i did lmao i'm hurt

user937344 SIRIUS WAS TGERE? WTF

starmanblack

❤ liked by ev.rosier, marymacdonald, lily_evans and 722,188 others

starmanblack dog

6,122 comments

yourusername is this your only good angle?

starmanblack it's a representation of how you see me

yourusername i will be contacting my lawyers 😤

yourusername i'm telling him to bite you next time

starmanblack bold of you to assume he'll listen to you

yourusername we both know he likes me more

starmanblack let me be in denial for a bit

prongsyboy woof

starmanblack don't bark in my comment section

prongsyboy ☹

bartyyy has this one contaminated your carpet too?

starmanblack no i was 3 seconds faster this time

user999291 you own this angle

user172777 YOU AND Y/N WE NEED ANSWERS

user866622 I AGREE WITH THE COMMENT ABOVE ME

user232655 EVERYONE LEAVE HIM ALONE 😭😭

yourusername added to their story

[chaoslynx]

Hi chaos what are some of your favourite Eiji moments (from the anime or the manga, Eiji is awesome either way)?

EIJI MY BELOVED OMG

In approximately chronological order, just a very few top picks:

One of my top Eiji moments is in episode 5 when he fucking steals a cop car for the boy he met like a month ago??? And most of that time was spent with said boy being in prison. But Eiji, ride or die boyfriend that he is, is like "yeah he's worth a felony or three" right off the bat.

Episode 11, the way Eiji reacts to Ash telling him his backstory in his own words. I feel like this is a really important moment for both of them because up until now, Eiji knew a lot about Ash, but Ash hadn't chosen to tell it to Eiji. So here, this moment when Ash can tell Eiji in his own words and gauge his reaction is so so vital to the course of their relationship. And Eiji just ... "You're hurt. Really hurt. I can tell." Also in the manga version of that scene, after Ash's, "It doesn't have to be forever. Even if it's just for now," Eiji responds, "Forever."

Honestly episode 11 has so much of Eiji's caring moments, but we also get amazing shit like the classic AshEiji banter and them flipping each other off (in the manga equivalent). Iconic.

The "eat your own weiner -- or is it too small?" scene (manga exclusive, unfortunately) and uhhhh all of his other snarky comments. We love a boy who can banter.

Episode 20 has some more of my favorite Eiji moments:

"Don't apologize. That's for me to do. Let's go, boss."

THE SOUP SCENE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

The fact that Eiji brought THREE gangs together (Ash's, Cain's, and Sing's) in order to save Ash form Golzine??? Like. Eiji literally led three gangs at once for a while and united them under one cause. Holy SHIT y'all.

Anyone IRL who complains about Eiji missing Golzine in episode 20 has probably never shot a gun, much less at a real person, and much much less with someone they love being that close to the target. I can understand Sing complaining about it, since he grew up around guns and admires Eiji, but in general, I think Eiji did pretty well, all things considered???

When Ash says "I'll lead them away" and Eiji thinks about it for about a quarter of a second before fucking shouldering Ash out of the way and telling Cain to take care of him so that Eiji can lead Golzine's men away instead. Ash's panic in this scene gets to me so badly -- I can only imagine what Eiji would be feeling in that moment. Bones asks "Where are you going?" and Eiji responds "I don't know!" like his only fucking thought is how he can use what abilities he has to save Ash. Holy shit.

I'm crying I love Eiji so much y'all. Oh my god. There are so many more good Eiji moments so feel free to reblog with your favorites too -- these were just a few off the top of my head. Sorry if I got episode numbers or quotes wrong, these are all just from memory lol

[goldleaf-art]

Fic Writer Interview

(I’ve been focusing more on writing than art lately so why not struggle to answer these questions instead of struggling to write fic!)

Tagged by: @avi17

Name: goldleaf/gold

Fandoms: LotR (like a zillion years ago, from 2010 -2014 I wrote a lot of Aragon/Faramir and no I will not be linking to them due to cringe-factor, ha! They are 100% still publicly viewable though), Hannibal, Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, also currently in the middle of like 4 Stargate Atlantis wips so stay tuned for those

Two-shot: I don’t really ever write continuations or series, but I did do a 3-part thing for LotR once with three different POVs of the same situation, and I’ve written a short coda for a long SGA wip I’m still working on because who said I had to do anything in a logical order. 

Most popular multi-chapter: I’ve only written one multi-chapter thing like 8 years ago for LotR, so I guess it’s the most popular by default! Not sure if drabble collections count, but if so my Hannigram flash-fic collection (and my Hannibal stuff in general actually) was my most popular.

Actual worst part of writing: It’s not even like, the ideas part, or dialogue, or like, any of the content per se, because even when I’m stuck there it normally comes back if I do something else for a bit. It’s just SITTING DOWN AND TYPING. I have the most monumental mental block over just, GETTING STARTED. And I mean, not just starting a fic from the blank page stage - starting any work on anything I’m working on, every single day. Picking up my train of thought from where I left off is so huge a thing I psych myself out every time (even though every time I do sit down I get into a flow at some point anyway so the faffing is usually needless.) I’m procrastinating working on fic by writing this post right now! 

How you choose your titles: okay this is the second worst part of writing. I either take a line from the fic or just make up something that sounds clever but is ultimately meaningless honestly, by the time I’m getting around to the title I’m exhausted so it’s never that deep, ha. 

Do you outline: like, vaguely? I'm historically a pantser though and through, but I have started noting down stuff I know needs to happen later on and in what order, if it’s a longer thing, whether I stick to that or even remember what the story is about is another matter. I fell into this trap with my current wip - had a vague plan, got to like, 20k and started having a crisis because none of it made sense and it took a lot of rewriting and throwing stuff out and editing forever to sort it into coherence, and it’s finally turning into a story? I hope?! 

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: I literally can’t think of anything because I've been so out of the fic game for so long generally speaking. I guess at the moment I'd love to write the perfect post-series longform SGA fic because god, free-rein on plot and canon and the potential for just going wild is infinite (and also I really secretly enjoy the IOA/Earth bureaucracy stuff) but Written By The Victors already exists so

Callouts @ me: step away from the comma key, gold. also stop shitting on yourself; you’re not that terrible a writer and all the crap you worry about is stuff no-one else notices. unrelenting perfectionism benefits no-one.

Best writing traits: uhhhh, haha. I think I've a decent eye for metaphor and descriptive language.

Spicy tangential opinion: not really that spicy but if you don’t like something you’re reading you are allowed to stop reading it.

Tagging: I’m not sure who’s not already been tagged out of folks I know who write so if you want to fill this out consider yourself tagged! :)

[hermionegranger56]

a v late recap of evermore

so i think Taylor Swift sensed that i was Going Through It and was like here you sad bitch, here’s another surprise album to help fix all that. cause good lord evermore is just what i (and i think we all) needed. i truly TRULY can’t believe we’re lucky enough to get a sister album to folklore, i love it so much. the first day it was out i drove myself 2 hours to the very end of the Cape and sat on an empty beach and cried to it and honestly??? magical. here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for:

first, as an overall here, this album complements folklore so well. it’s the spring to folklore’s autumn, it’s self-assured and warm and beautiful. each album shows off her lyrical genius so well and she only grows stronger here. when folklore came out, i was floored because the music was so different for her and so up my alley. each song’s production sucked me in and it was like she was confidently telling us “here is another genre i can work with” (masterfully at that). evermore feels different. it feels like Taylor is so comfortable in this creative space, she isn’t trying to fit into any new molds or expectations, she is just HERE, now, saying “this is who i am and this is my craft”. it’s really been a privilege to watch her grow as an artist. ok. here we go

willow:

god the video was so beautiful, a really good continuation of cardigan. the chorus is so so delicate and prettyyy, thats MY MAN ughhh its so good. it reminds me a lot of invisible string tbh, or if betty from cardigan grew up and found love. this is really one of my favorites, she starts so strong

fave lines: “the more that you say, the less i know/ wherever you stray I follow/ i’m begging for you to take my hand/ wreck my plans, that’s my man”; “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”

champagne problems:

oh dear god, it’s if all too well and new years day had a baby and it is a MASTERPIECE. i can picture it all, college sweethearts, broken hearts, i feel like its new england at christmas, ivy league old money…its cinematic. and it gets at the feeling like you’ll never be good enough so you leave before that happens (basically before you get to the tolerate it stage??) and OOF. AND GODDAMN THE RANTING BRIDGE (illicit affairs came close on folklore but i think THIS might be the best bridge since All Too Well). I’ve screamed it a lot tbh

fave lines: BRIDGE BABYYYYYY EVERY SINGLE PERFECT WORD. WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEADDDD

gold rush:

this one is bright and lovely and catchy!! it reminds me a lot of mirrorball tbh, all like swirly and magical. i can’t even put it into words but i can see this one so clearly. its all rosy and golden

fave lines: “eyes like sinking ships on waters/ so inviting, i almost jump in”; “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/with your hair falling into place like dominoes/ I see me padding across your wooden floors/ with my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door”; “the coastal town we wandered round/ had never seen a love as pure as it”; “my mind turns your life into folklore”

’tis the damn season:

UGH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME WANNA TEXT MY EX. the melody is SOOOO satisfying, the progression to “write this down”, i’m obsessed. the idea of being home for the holidays and feeling a little lost and tired and nostalgic for what could have been is something superrrr relatable. this song reminds me of snowy drives around my hometown in the best/worst possible way hahah. one of my top 5 for sure.

fave lines: “we could call it even/ you could call me babe for the weekend/ tis the damn season, write this down/i’m staying at my parents house/ and the road not taken looks real good now”; “and wonder about the only soul/ who can tell which smiles i’m faking”

tolerate it:

oh honeyyyyy this track 5 packs a punch, i mean the lyrics are absolutely BRUTAL in the best way. it’s just so sad, and encompasses a lot of my own insecurity about always feeling like you’re more invested in a relationship and watching someone fall out of love or just stop caring. i LOVE the “my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”, like bitch YES your love should be celebrated. also taylor sounds angelic on the “I” at the start of the chorus

fave lines: “i know my love should be celebrated/ but you tolerate it”; “i made you my temple, my mural, my sky/ now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”; “what would you do if I/break free and leave us in ruins/ took this dagger in me and removed it”

.

no body, no crime:

YESSSSSSSSS I LOVE THE SUBGENRE OF COUNTRY ABOUT WOMEN KILLING SHITTY HUSBANDS AND THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHH!! I LOVE the beat, i love country taylor, i love the addition of HAIM. UGH ITS SO CATCHYYYY, like i’m obsessed with the slide from “i think he did it but i just. can’t. prove itttttt NOOO no body no crime” UGHHH this is without a doubt in my top five

fave lines: “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it”

happiness:

I heard this one described as an emotional marathon and holy shit it is, each line is a sucker punch. i really like how it feels like a conversation and looks at the acceptance and pain that mingle together when a relationship just…ends. her lyrics are unmatched on this album but this is a particularly strong track

fave lines: “i haven’t met the new me yet”; “when did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ pointed at my deepest hurt”; “there is a glorious sunrise/ dappled with the flickers of light/ from the dress i wore at midnight”

dorothea:

this one feels like Betty 2.0 and its so sweet and bright and also kinda sad. it’s wistful!! that’s the word i want, wistful! the vibe is gives off reminds me of Red, like musically. it’s home-y. idk if that makes sense but i like it a lot

fave lines: and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know/ you know, you’ll always know me”

coney island:

ugh this one is magical, i honestly really love the instrumental to this one, it’s so soothing. the lyrics to me feel like you’re in some dream state, going through every heartbreak you’ve ever been through. I love the addition of The National, the vocals fit together so well (and I like it better than both Bon Iver features i think??)

fave lines: do you miss the rogue/ who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/ will you forgive my soul/ who you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

ivy:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s how i feel about this absolute masterpiece oh my GOD) it makes me so incandescently happy, the folk feel, the lyrics that are so cinematic and poetic and paint such a clear picture (to me) of two Victorian lovers who are in unhappy marriages but don’t let that stop their love. the chorus just like….fills my whole chest, the OH GODDAMN hits so different. and i want “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand” tattooed on me, that is one of her BEST lines and i will die on that hill. its all so pretty, i can’t deal. the vibe also strongly reminds me of a) invisible string and b) Little Women (2019). i think taylor should do folk and uhhhh only folk please

fave lines: EVERY WORD BUT ESPECIALLY: “i’d meet you where the spirit meets the bone/ in a faith forgotten land”; “oh goddamn/ my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ taking mine, but its been promised to another/ oh, i can’t/ stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ my house of stone, your ivy grows/ and now I’m covered in you”; “he wants what’s only yours”; “clover blooms in the field/ springs breaks loose, time is near“; ”so yeah, it’s a fire/ its a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it”

cowboy like me:

ALL RIGHT everyone sleeps on this song but oh my GOD its so good!! it’s smooth and dreamy and gives me that old fashioned, bonnie and clyde type love story and some of the lyrics are so poetic. I really love the addition of the Tim McGraw chords too???? BUT DEAR GOD COULD WE HAVE GIVEN MARCUS MUMFORD MORE OF A ROLE HERE??!! HE SOUNDS WONDERFUL, GIVE HIM A FEATURE, GIVE HIM A WHOLE VERSE. THIS IS A FOLK ALBUM TAYLOR, USE FUCKING MUMFORD AHHHH (i fucking love him omg)

fave lines: “dancin’ is a dangerous game”; “you’re a bandit like me/ eyes full of stars”; “now you hang from my lips/ like the Gardens of Babylon/ with your boots beneath my bed/ forever is the sweetest con”

long story short:

A BOP!! GIVE ME SOME HAPPINESS TAYLOR WOO! I really love how catchy this one is. it feels like her introducing the craziness of her life to joe and being like look all of that was tough but here i am now and I couldn’t be happier. It’s refreshing, self-deprecating and endearing. I couldn’t love it more and it is ALWAYS stuck in my head!

fave lines: “and he’s passing by/ rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky”; “long story short I survived”

marjorie:

ha hahah hah ha this one ENDS me, like dear LORD i need to call my grandma immediately. it is so so GOOD and SAD, like the you don’t know how good something or someone is until they’re gone, but even then, they’re still there with you. I love the grandma wisdom of “never be so clever you forget to be kind” etc. and holy SHIT the addition of Taylor’s grandmother’s opera singing as background vocals is GENIUS AND DEVASTATING, god the part where she goes “i’d think you were singing with me now” and then Marjorie comes in is honestly one of the most beautiful musical moments i’ve heard in a hot minute and it breaks me every time. wow.

fave lines: “never be so polite/ you forget your power/ never wield such power/ you forget to be polite”; “the autumn chill that wakes me up/ you loved the amber sky so much”; “and if i didn’t know better/ i’d think you were singing to me now”

closure:

ok i’m sorry, this is my only skip here. I really do love the lyrics and the idea of, yeah no you don’t deserve closure from me. i just can’t get past the pots and pans beginning, its too chaotic. but i’m sure it’ll grow on me! it does feel like finally moving on and i do love that about it

fave lines: “don’t treat me like/ some situation that needs to be handled”; “i know i’m just a/ wrinkle in your new life/ staying friends would/ iron it out so nice”

evermore:

god her voice is SO soothing in this one, it’s literally hypnotic. the song itself feels wandering and dark at first, like you’re stuck in this depression, and then bon iver comes in and it picks up and it feels like coming out of the trees, into the sunlight and finding your way again. finding that the pain WOULDNT be for evermore like she says. it feels like an ending and a beginning. beautiful

fave lines: “writing letters/ addressed to the fire”; “and when i was shipwrecked/ i thought of you/ in the cracks of light/ i dreamed of you”; “and i was catching my breath/ floors of the cabin creaking under my step/ and i couldn’t be sure/ i had a feeling so peculiar/ this pain wouldn’t be for evermore”

[tirednotflirting]

darling, you're the one i want

hi i wrote merrikat. based on paper rings. it’s pretty cute i’m pretty happy w it. esp bc it’s the first thing i’ve managed to start and complete in uhhhh over a month : ) sooooo yeah

here it is on ao3 if that’s more ur jam

Jack didn’t know love could feel like this. So loud and quiet all at the same time. So careful and turbulent and everything in between. He considers how something like that can be as he takes a sip from the wine he had found waiting for him on the kitchen island (accompanied by a sticky note with Zack’s messy handwriting telling him for you :) sorry about the long day xx). He lets his head rest against his palm as he leans against the counter, a small tired smile pulling across his cheeks as he catches the cologne on the sleeve of the hoodie he’d found waiting for him on the bed after changing into something comfier. (Another sticky note with a lopsided smiley face had been sitting on top of the soft, worn hoodie.)

There had been a third sticky note (this one with just a heart drawn in the center of it) on the box of takeout waiting for Jack in the fridge after he had come downstairs from the office after a long afternoon of livestream interviews with Alex. He always felt a lot of something in the direction of guilt when there was work to be done on his visits out to see Zack despite the teasing remarks he would receive reminding him that we are literally coworkers, Jack.

But now it doesn’t matter because the day is done. Any kind of negative feeling Jack had felt prior to coming down to the kitchen dissipated the second he saw the glass of wine and Zack’s patient face looking down at whatever book he had picked up to read next. From Jack’s spot at the island he can see his boy settled into the couch on the back deck that sits just in front of the big window in the kitchen.

Another paradox from the seemingly endless list of them comes to mind then as he watches the sun slip toward the horizon, the sky a swirling mix of oranges and pinks. He feels like he’s loved the man sitting on the other side of the window for both 20 minutes and 20 years and again, he wonders how that can be.

He’d loved Zack since they were teenagers and yet the relationship they had now had somehow still snuck up on them both. Drunken cuddles at parties turned into sober cuddles before soundcheck. Giggling kisses against cheeks while they ran around on stage in the middle of a show turned into Jack in Zack’s lap while making out on the tour bus couch. (Jack laughs to himself at the memory of Alex rolling his eyes while Rian was cracking up as he accepted a $20 bill after they’d wandered into the back lounge that night. Jack and Zack had only blinked in confusion at each other as they heard Alex grumbling that you guys just had to figure your shit out on a Tuesday, huh? as he went off in the direction of his bunk.)

It wasn’t how Jack was used to a relationship happening. It had felt so easy. He didn’t know it could be this easy. When he tried questioning it early on, Alex had only laughed. You’re best friends, what did you expect? Nothing ever felt complicated with Zack. Jack found himself thinking it was something he could get used to, something he wanted to get used to.

Three years in and they’re something in the realm of settled down despite the nature of their career never really leaving them in one place for too long. It had been Zack’s idea for them to spend the couple of weeks off on this tour at his place before catching a flight back to LA for more rehearsals. Time felt like it moved slower on the island (though if Jack’s being honest, anywhere moves slower than LA) and it was something he was thankful for. Every moment with Zack was something to be savored.

He picks up his glass and heads in the direction of the back door. After shutting the door behind him, he turns back to see Zack marking his place in his book with a receipt before dropping it against the coffee table sitting in front of him. Jack takes the spot beside him and smiles into the kiss he’s pulled into before settling against the cushions. With his free hand, he traces along the tattoos around Zack’s shoulder in the fading sunlight. “How was your afternoon?” Jack asks, finally breaking the comfortable silence, as his fingers trail down Zack’s arm to tangle their fingers together.

Zack smiles down at their joined hands before lifting them to press his lips against Jack’s knuckles. “Productive,” he hums with a smile. “Rearranged some stuff in the garage, went to the store. Found this plant while I was there that looked like it needed some love. I’ll show you in the morning, the flowers are a pretty color.”

Jack smiles brightly. Regardless of how long he comes out to visit, they settle so quickly into domesticity. It’s overwhelming, he thinks, but not in a way that scares him. It’s always felt easy to fall into a routine with Zack.

“Looking forward to it.”

Zack asks him about his day and Jack recalls on the afternoon of answering the same four questions over and over again for different radio stations all across the country and the way he basically had Alex’s answers to them memorized by the end of the day. He tells him about the story one of the interviewers told them about their first All Time Low show (Zack had thrown them a pick in 2010 and they apparently still had it inside a box of concert memories from over the years) and the cat that had wandered into the frame on one of the calls.

Eventually they settle back into another comfortable, lazy quiet. Their joined hands sit against Zack’s thigh, his thumb tracing circles in Jack’s palm, as they watch the sun take its time saying its daily goodbye to the world. A light breeze picks up, just enough to keep them cool. Jack takes a deep breath and despite the fact that his entire adult life has been spent quite literally living out his wildest dreams every damn day, if he was asked to stay stuck in one moment forever, it would be this one.

“I wish everyday could end like this,” Jack sighs as his head falls to rest against Zack’s shoulder after taking another sip from his glass. “This is really nice.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I would mind if forever had this view,” Zack answers. Jack assumes he’s referring to the last bit of sunset playing out before them over the mountains but then he feels a pair of lips press against his hair and he looks up to meet Zack’s tired eyes looking down fondly.

“Forever is a big word, mister,” Jack jokes with a blush, his eyes blinking up at Zack’s. Though he hopes it doesn’t come out as though he’s disagreeing.

“You’re right,” Zack laughs while tossing an arm around Jack’s shoulders to pull him closer to his side. His eyes pull away from Jack’s to look back out at the sky and they’re both silent, their breathing and the buzz of the approaching dusk becoming their evening soundtrack.

Jack lets his eyes fall shut, the calmness surrounding them making him sleepier than he felt before coming out to join his boy. He’s seconds away from the short sleep that Zack will allow him before dragging them both back inside to watch one of those documentaries they’ve been watching after dinner for the last few weeks.

“Marry me?”

Jack’s eyes shoot open as he turns his head up to face Zack whose eyes are still trained on the pink-purple sky rapidly shifting to a dark blue. “What?”

He shifts to sit up and Zack turns to face him then while the last bit of light adds a sparkle to his eyes. He smiles lazily as he lifts a hand to cup Jack’s cheek. Jack barely notices the way he instinctively leans into his gentle touch. “I want every sunset with you,” Zack whispers into the space between them. “I want every sunrise with you, even if it’s just you whining over how early it is.” Jack softly laughs as his mind briefly drifts to thoughts of clingy, early mornings before speeding back to the present.

“I want forever with you. Longer than forever, really. But I’m not sure that’s real.”

Jack laughs again while his vision blurs and lets Zack wipe away the single tear he feels starting to fall down his cheek. “Who cares if it’s real? That was so fucking romantic, you sap.”

“Are you going to give me an answer or do I have to wait until I get a ring for that?”

“Zack, babe, you could propose with one of your sticky notes and I’d say yes every damn time. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Zack pulls him in by the waist to press their lips together. As his eyes flutter shut, Jack feels another tear roll down cheek and when he pulls away several moments later, he can’t help but laugh at the watery eyes looking back at him as well.

“That could be arranged, though,” Zack says suddenly before quickly leaning across to kiss Jack’s forehead before pushing up from the couch and slipping inside. Jack is left with a confused smile pulling at his lips as he’s not entirely sure what Zack could mean by that.

Only a couple minutes pass before Zack returns, a folded sticky note and a roll of tape in his hands. He takes his spot back on the couch and looks up to meet Jack’s eyes, his blush just barely visible in the twilight.

“Okay, give me your hand,” Zack instructs. Jack starts catching on then what he’s doing and laughs as he lifts his left hand up in between them. Zack’s bottom lip gets caught between his teeth as he delicately wraps the bright pink paper around Jack’s ring finger and secures the loop with a small piece of tape.

“There,” Zack smiles, admiring his work before looking up to meet Jack’s eyes. “Perfect.”

“You really are,” Jack mumbles as he gently shakes his head at the man in front of him.

Zack laughs, the blush still painting his cheeks as he rolls his eyes. “Okay, Mr Cheesy. This will work until we can get you something shiny.”

“I don’t need shiny, Zack. I promise.” Jack replies.

“If we show up back in Baltimore to celebrate with everyone about this and you have a sticky note wrapped around your finger, both of our mothers and Alex will kill me,” Zack counters.

“Alright, you’re probably right,” Jack shrugs. “But just for the record, this is fucking adorable regardless.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Zack smiles as he moves to link their fingers together again before standing. “Should we go Facetime the boys and the fam to tell them?”

“Of course,” Jack nods as he lets himself get led back into the house. “Do you think they bet on this too?”

“Oh, I’m sure they did,” Zack replies as he reaches for Jack’s glass and a second one from the shelf for himself before opening the fridge to find the bottle of wine. “I’m sure Alex is going to lose again, too. Rian is too good at this kind of thing. Let me go grab my phone.”

Jack takes a seat at the counter and watches Zack jog up the stairs. He smiles down at the paper wrapped around his finger and sighs. His mind wanders around what forever will look like, what it’ll feel like with a big party and vows and an added weight on his left hand. As Zack reenters the room, the brightest smile pulling at his lips as Jack hears a shy voice excitedly stumbling through an introduction to their best friends followed by so we have some news, all he can think about is how he can’t wait to get used to this too.

*

[warandpussy]

omg PLS talk more abt ur 12dole!

sure! link

fyi I barely remember writing this, all i remember is that it's super weird i suppose the point is it's about being lonely. i love s10 for the way it slows down, gives the doctor a home base, a time to breathe. but i also love how, with that, he has to deal with the demons in his head scrabbling at the door; he can't ignore them any more. like. his wife just died. so this fic was like, i want to explore that loneliness and that grief.

to be clear, it's also about the doctor getting off with a decapitated robot head.

i'll put this under a cut

The Doctor stares into the mirror on the wall.

It isn’t – it’s not something he likes to do. It’s uncomfortable, he thinks, to observe the evidence of a long life carved into a face. To confront the evidence of age and time passing, old regrets scoring delicate lines over the brow, the cheeks, beneath the eyes. He considers his reflection and swallows the lump in his throat.

It’s with a trembling hand that he reaches out to his glass counterpart, feeling that even a touch of his skin will send it shattering to the ground at his feet, that a press of his fingers against something that isn’t even him, not really, could break him apart. You’re lonely, you’re lonely, his brain cackles at him, and it sounds like –

In the end, it’s just cold, smooth. Nothing.

He runs his finger over the image of his lips, lets himself slip into memory, lets himself remember being touched there. Allows himself the indulgence of it. A wicked grin; a puff of curly hair; ‘hello, sweetie.’

so we start here. you ever been so lonely you just touch your own face to imagine someone else doing it? yeah. i guess the doctor feels like someone who never really gets to process any of this a lot of the time, because one series will end with a tragedy, and then the next one will just pick up on the next adventure. but if your wife died, you got trapped in a university with a woman who hates (?) you and a bitchy robot, you'd probably have some issues.

i wanted to start it here, on his own, because that's the thing, really. he's alone. or he feels alone. and it's a bit dramatic and over the top because when you're miserable that's what you do. the world is falling apart. i'll be alone forever.

the next scene is him and Nardole, and it's like, a drastic shift in tone

“How’s the new head working out?”

“Oh.” Nardole reaches up a hand and pats at his ample cheek. “Quite well, actually, sir.” He strokes his neck a little, tracing a light finger underneath his collar where the seam in his skin is. “Much more efficient processing power.” He gives a little self-conscious cough. “I’ve been having new ideas every fifteen minutes or so.”

“Wonderful,” the Doctor tells him, picking up Rachael Simmerton’s essay on – faith and free will, apparently – and pretending to read the introduction. It’s not, of course. Heavens above, he doesn’t need Nardole having ideas. He’ll have to fix that in a later upgrade. “That’s – fab. Great to hear.”

none of the above is coming through. he's masking it, of course he is. the worst thing about being lonely is that you can't say you're lonely, otherwise people will know how lonely you are - and isn't that to most pitiable thing. no - best to.. uh.. snog a robot head, apparently.

i wish that was how it worked in real life

i really like this scene for the banter between him and Nardole. they're so awful together. I love them.

Nardole pushes himself up with his elbows and stomps over to the Doctor’s desk. He jabs a finger in his face. “Rude. That was rude.” The Doctor shrugs. “You’ve been in my room before, and it was fine.”

“There were pants on the floor.”

“I was in the shower!”

“Ugh.” The Doctor shudders again, deliberately meeting Nardole’s gaze as he does. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’s my room, I can leave my pants on the floor if I want to.”

“My spaceship,” the Doctor reminds him. “And I don’t make you pay rent.”

Nardole rolls his eyes. “Good thing, too, given you don’t pay me at all,” he says, and trundles irritably into the TARDIS.

So yeah, the Doctor gets Nardole to bring out one of his spare heads (it's a whole thing, there's a cupboard full of heads, they have some kind of shared memory drive, the old ones go a bit insane the longer they're detached from the body).

It’s a little disconcerting, having your cyborg assistant’s decapitated head on your desk, but at this point the Doctor has seen enough of Nardole’s body, given all the upgrades he’s had to do over the past seventy years, that it doesn’t faze him. He’ll end up seeing a lot more, most likely; they’ve still got over nine hundred years still to go. This doesn’t faze him either – certainly not as much as it would have done back when they’d first been stuck here, uncomfortable in their stillness, squabbling with each other just to pass the time.

The first time he’d had his hands in Nardole’s chest, sometime in the late nineties, tinkering with the artificial heart he’d had installed, Nardole had asked him why he even bothered.

“Can’t have my manservant dying on me, can I?” he’d muttered, irritated at the question.

“Oh, is that what I am?” Nardole had bitched.

Covering his face with his welder’s mask, the Doctor let out a snort. “If you shuffle off this mortal coil, Nardole, I’ll have to hire a new assistant. I can’t be bothered.”

“Let me be clear, you're giving me eternal life so that you don't have to hold job interviews?”

“Yes.”

Nardole had looked at him for a long time after that, uncharacteristically silent. When the Doctor was done, he’d grabbed his wrist and squeezed, before standing and making two cups of horrifically sweet tea. The Doctor had drunk the lot.

i was talking about this the other day with you. i guess i tend to think there's a real power in delay, in writing. when the real scene is going on, but then the characters trip into a memory. the Doctor's nervous about what he's going to do (and, in a doylist fashion, the reader doesn't KNOW what he's going to do) so by pausing the 'real' scene and tripping into this memory, we get to hold off on that reveal for a little longer

but we also get to explore the Nardole and Doctor dynamic. which is, here, one where they bitch and squabble with each other, but they still obviously deeply care for one another. #married.

Carefully, he probes behind the left ear for the on-switch, flipping it over with a slight press of his finger. It takes a moment, but the eyes flutter open and the mouth pulls itself up into a tiny smile. The smile drops off his face when he sees who’s holding him up.

“What do you want?” Nardole snipes.

he's such a bitch i'm obsessed with him

The Doctor sighs, and buries his face in his arms. “In the past, it was always – adventure, fun, heat-of-the-moment, explosions, running, kissing,” he mumbles. Nardole grunts at the acknowledgement of it. “Now,” the Doctor goes on, “now I just sit here.”

quarantine vibes.

no, but seriously, quarantine vibes. when i wrote this in february i was working the most gruelling, horrible job i've ever had in my life, and also i was in lockdown AGAIN and i couldn't fucking go anywhere or do anything fun. my whole life just became this awful job, that i did sat at my desk at home. i'd get off work, go lie in bed and cry, and then go back to work. now i just sit here indeed.

“Main Head said he was talking to you lot daily,” the Doctor says. He gives him a look.

Nardole puffs out his cheeks. “For a few minutes, sure. But it’s not like we get on.”

“You are exactly the same person,” the Doctor says, exasperated.

me @ me

(sorry this isn't going to just be all me laughing at my own jokes)

yeah. so they make out. there's like, negotiation on what Nardole (Spare Head One) is going to get out of this deal - he wants to go outside (mood) and he wants sweets and tea (bigger mood). he also doesn't want the Doctor to fall in love with him (uhhhh biggest mood??? i feel like if the Doctor falls in love with you you're doomed to a horrible ending).

“Guh,” Nardole says, and the Doctor pulls him off, lips tingling. Nardole’s face is red, which is interesting from a technical point of view – no blood, how does that work? – but the Doctor finds he doesn’t really care to think about it at the moment. He feels suffused with life; that empty cavity in his chest at least partially filled in, something present that had been missing.

The body is made to touch, after all.

for this i really need to insist on something. this is sci fi, nominally, but i DON'T CARE about the science. i really don't. why is Nardole's face red? how does he have spit? i don't care!!!!! i don't care about worldbuilding. i think, personally, for me, the "science" part of science fiction is just about finding a way to heighten a concept to reflect back something about the real world.

also i feel like it makes it more doctor who the less i give a shit about the science but that's by the by.

i guess this is like. THE scene. the scene of the fic. the point of it.

“I can’t believe you’re taking me with you to visit her,” Nardole says, scathing. They’re wandering through the grounds, as promised, the Doctor clinging onto the ears and holding out the head in front of him.

The Doctor snorts. “You’re not coming in with me.”

“What?”

He gestures at the sports bag he’s got slung over one shoulder. “I’ll chuck you in here.”

They walk past a clump of students who are chattering among themselves. They don’t even balk at him carrying an extremely lifelike head around with him. None of them have. Nardole had said it was because he was ‘super old’ and that young people don’t even notice he exists unless he’s looking frail and delicate next to a traffic light. The Doctor had frowned but hadn’t been able to dispute it.

Still, he makes Nardole hold his expression very still whenever they’re near other people. He’s got a whole story planned out in case he does get asked.

“Professor! Professor Doctor!” some enterprising young thing would say, jogging up. “What’s with the mannequin? It looks just like your assistant!”

“Ah,” the Doctor would say, stroking his chin like he had a goatee – he’d done that once in front of Missy and she’d told him he looked very refined, and offered tips for growing one – “you see, I’m planning a lecture series on death masks in Ancient Greek culture, so I’ve been experimenting with plaster casting.”

“Oh, how fascinating!” the student would say, fluttering their hands in front of their chest. “I’ll have to sign up!”

The Doctor would nod dismissively and stride away as if he had something important to go to. Nardole would almost certainly grumble about the Doctor saying he was dead, but he’d not have a leg to stand on – ha – because he was a robot and therefore had never even been alive. (Well – maybe he had… the Doctor didn’t really remember Nardole’s backstory – River had explained it once while they’d lain together in bed, but he’d zoned out, staring instead at the fine whorls of her ear).

Anyway, no one has asked yet, but he’s prepared if they do.

again - delay, so important here. the Doctor and Nardole (Spare Head One) are walking round and about the grounds on one of Nardole's requested walks. the Doctor is Not Doing Great, but he's trying to fake it. he gets triggered into a memory where Nardole calls him "super old", and then, almost as a defence to that, imagines a world where the students (who are ignoring him) all come fluttering up to him and admiring him in that way that he likes.

that's not happening.

It’s one of those cold spring mornings where the sun casts its light over the world in a glittering array, bouncing off dewdrops, shattering through windows. The air is sharp and bright, bracing the breath, probing his lungs with its chilled fingers. Everything teetering on the verge of too much. Too bright, too cold, cutting like a knife.

I'm really proud of this paragraph. I was trying to imagine how you would describe like, beautiful weather, on a day when you felt like shit. it's "glittering" "shattering" "sharp". it "probes him with chilled fingers" - it's invasive, harsh, awful. and it triggers another memory.

The last time he’d been out, alone, on a morning like this, the Doctor remembered, he’d embraced this muchness, let it fill him up, let it consume him. He’d thought it was the only way to feel touched again. Not by a person, but by the world. Then he’d berated himself; so pathetic, so maudlin. People don’t owe you their touch. It’s enough to have felt it at all. Enough to know.

Greedy, he’d thought. Insatiable. Selfish.

He falters by the sycamore tree, dropping Nardole lower. There’d been a cat here.

There had been a cat that had rubbed up by his legs, purring. He’d been so bright, so lonely. He had it picked up, holding it upside down so he could rub gently at the soft hot fur of its belly. It had let him, for a moment, lax in his arms, blinking, squinting up at the cold sun. Then, it had wriggled and squirmed, saying let me down, let me down, and he had thought, oh, not even you?

Not even you, he had thought as he set it down again, not even you want to touch me, and it had scurried off, heading to the cafeteria where the students likely would give it scraps of bacon sandwiches and drop pieces of cheese into its pleading mouth.

“Sir?” Nardole says quietly.

"not even you want to touch me"

like, that's the whole point - what he's been circling around this whole time. he came up with this crazy coping mechanism (snog a robot head, let's not forget his solution was to snog a robot head), but it doesn't fix the root cause which is that his wife is dead and his friend/enemy is locked up and he's lonely

anyway. they go to visit Missy (Nardole zipped up in a bag the whole time).

“What’s with the bag?” she asks. “Not seen that one before. You joined a basketball team?”

“Tried that once,” he tells her. “Got kicked out.”

“You thought it was netball, didn’t you?”

He huffs a breath through his nose, smiling again. “I thought it was netball,” he admits.

Missy purses her lips, eyeing the ceiling. “Makes sense,” she says. “It’s a net, and a ball. Honestly. I would understand it if they were chucking balls into baskets.”

“Football has a net too,” the Doctor says.

“And tennis.”

“I might just start calling every human sport ‘netball’ and see how angry they all get.”

Missy frowns. “I thought I was here to learn how to be nice to the wee humans.” She raises her eyebrows, tilts back in her chair. “You’re a bad example, you are.”

This is what they do now, this talking without really talking. Lots of words that say nothing at all.

he wants to connect with her so badly, but nothing they say has any meaning. they're just talking, blandly, about what's in front of them. they're there, together, but there's no connection. you can be lonely even when you're with other people

then Missy plays the piano for him (and there's NO duet, which as I'm sure you know, means that there is NO INTIMACY)

sex joke:

When the Doctor gets back to his office, Nardole is reclined in his favourite armchair, reading a saucy magazine. The Doctor peers over his shoulder.

‘HIS SECRET SEX SPOTS’, the article screams, ‘HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN IN THREE EASY STEPS’.

“Why are you reading that?” he asks before he can stop himself. Nardole looks up and fixes him with a look. “Actually don’t tell me.”

“I’ve got a boyfriend.”

The Doctor blinks. “What about Sharon?”

Nardole sighs loudly. “Haven’t you heard of polyamory?”

“Your spare head hasn’t told me about a boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Nardole says, narrowing his eyes. “Is that why you wanted him? To gossip about my comings and goings?”

“I definitely don’t want to know about your comings,” says the Doctor.

sorry i promised not to just laugh at my own jokes but honestly why else would i be here

they do this for a while. then Bill catches them.

“What are you doing?!” someone squawks.

Instinctively, the Doctor surges up and flings Nardole’s head clear across the room.

It’s Bill, standing in the doorframe, backlit by the light from the corridor. She’s looking at him, her face a picture of pure shock. Horrified. “Did you behead Nardole?”

oof. poor Bill, she goes through so much.

she drags Nardole to the office, and

He swings his feet back to the floor, turns to the two of them. Three of them. “You know,” he starts, “that I have been alone since my wife – left me.”

“Died,” Spare Head Nardole supplies.

Bill’s mouth drops open. “You’re married?”

Main Head Nardole elbows her. “He was.” He spins the photo of River on the Doctor’s desk around, making as if to grab it, and the Doctor is suddenly furiously, furiously angry. He slaps Nardole’s hand away.

“Do you mind!” he snaps, and clutches River’s picture close to his chest. His breaths are coming harsh and ragged, his throat tightening again. “I have been alone,” he says at last, “for seventy years. Alone in this office, in this building, in this city.” He puts the picture frame back on the desk, focusses on straightening it out, puts it perfectly in its place. “So yes,” he says, and breathing is coming easier now, “we came to an agreement. Me and him.” He gestures to Spare Head One.

“Him and me,” Spare Head One says.

“I see,” Bill says after a moment. The Doctor has hopes that that will be the end of it, that these two might piss off now, but then Bill ruins it by continuing to speak. “So you’re lonely.”

he can't even say it, that's the worst thing. he can't even say "she died" because it hurts too much. easier to say she just left. easier. better. because then maybe she'd come back.

Nardole doesn't let that happen though. he's someone that just like... says things, as they are. he just says it. she's dead. Bill's the same. you're lonely.

she's dead, you're lonely.

honestly wtf would the Doctor do without these two.

Bill goes like... you literally have a girlfriend locked up downstairs just talk to her for heaven's sake

Bill snatches up Spare Head One, who lets out a small squeak, and turns to the door. “How about we just go and get everything sorted out? Communication’s what it’s all about, you know!”

yeah Bill! comminication IS what it's all about

the problem with her plan - which is, as far as I can tell, "get the two weird Time Lords to speak to each other, maybe" is that she forgot to account for Missy being as weird as shit as well

Missy cackles. “Of course he doesn’t.” She whips the mango off the shelf and plunges her hand into the base of it. “That’s because he’s here!” And with a dramatic spin, she whips out another Spare Head from inside the mango.

“What was he doing under there?” Bill asks, baffled.

Missy rubs her nose. “Well,” she says, pointing at Spare Head One, “he offered.”

“So you fixed him,” Bill says, “and then you just shoved him under a thing on a shelf and – left him there?”

“No,” says Missy. “I bring him out from time to time.”

Bill frowns. “What for?”

Missy’s painted-red lips spread into a wicked smile. “Kissing.”

Bill blinks at her for a second, and then rolls her eyes. “Jesus Christ,” she says. “You two deserve each other.”

there's like... symmetry to it, right? synergy. they were lonely, there were some spare heads floating around, why not have a snog

OBVIOUSLY their problem is that they don't TALK to each other, they don't acknowledge their pain and they just like... cope, in the worst possible ways. but also i think it's funny so that's why i did this

the mango is obviously a reference to my other missydole fic, where Nardole gets his head stuck in a mango

obviously

THEN we get to the REAL weird bit

“Doctor,” she says, voice low, and hands him the head. “Kiss him for me?” The Doctor chokes on his own spit. “I want to watch.”

The Doctor turns his eyes to Nardole, who twitches his forehead in a way that might mean might as well, or might mean get away from me. Slowly, he leans in. Nardole’s eyes get big and round, but he doesn’t say anything, and as their mouths touch he lets out a soft sigh. The Doctor pulls away again and turns his head back to Missy. He raises an eyebrow. “Happy?”

“Very much,” she says, and plucks Nardole out of his hands.

“No, sir, don’t let her!”

“Oh,” Missy says, nostrils flaring, “I fix your head but I’m not allowed a little thank you kiss?”

Nardole narrows his eyes. “Only if you fix me, too.” He sniffs, and darts his eyes over to Spare Head Two, who sits still on the piano watching them all silently. “Like you did him.”

“Done.”

“Oh fine then,” grumbles Nardole, and she presses a dry, almost chaste kiss against his lips. When she pulls back, he has the impression of her lipstick all over his mouth.

“Your turn again,” she says throatily, and passes Nardole back to him. The Doctor leans in again and licks the lipstick off his mouth, smearing the red between the two of them. Missy leans in and whispers in his ear, breath hot, while he does, “It’s almost like you’re kissing me, by proxy, isn’t it?” He grunts, and kisses Nardole harder.

They part with a slick sound, and the Doctor eyes Nardole’s mouth with satisfaction, the faint pink stains all over his lips. He runs a finger over them. Missy leans over, and as the Doctor turns his head she kisses him on the corner of his mouth, pulling back with an irritated scowl.

"You were aiming for my cheek, weren't you?" he accuses.

“Give him to me,” Missy says, and he complies. She stands, Nardole clutched close to her chest, and wanders over to the piano stool which opens to reveal a full tool set. She grabs a screwdriver, and starts fiddling around in Nardole’s neck.

“Oh, we’re done, are we?” the Doctor says, trying not to sound petulant, and not really succeeding.

She gives him a disdainful glance. “Wanted more, did you?”

look i just want things to be awful and horrible for them all. like these are literally such rancid vibes. i think it's funny.

(oh, another note - in my FIRST publishing of this fic, did the Doctor and Missy kiss? no. did you come sobbing into my DMs about it? yes. did I write an entirely new bit just for you? yes)

i think. there's probably a version of this where they talk more. they open up to each other more. but i liked this more quiet, subdued version, where Missy fixes the other head, and it's more about what's implied than what's outright stated. i mean, yes, i love a good love confession, but i think there's almost something more intimate about this quiet understanding.

they've kissed, she's fixing something.

he knows things are going to be okay.

and, last words to the Doctor and Bill:

“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” she says. “I’m sorry. You can – obviously, you can do what you want.” She swallows. “I didn’t know about your wife.”

Oh. The Doctor puts the essay back on the desk, and opens his arms. Bill burrows into them, resting her head on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You didn’t know.”

“How long?”

“We’re time travellers, it’s difficult,” he deflects. She doesn’t say anything, but pulls back and gives him a look. “About seventy years.”

Bill smiles sadly. “That’s a long time,” she says, “to be alone.”

The Doctor looks down at her hand, and holds it in his own. He smiles at her. “I’m not alone,” he says. “Not any more.”

YEAH

i guess that's sort of explicating what was implied in the previous scene. he's not alone. he's got friends. he's got a plethora of spare heads. and he's also got Missy.

i think OBVIOUSLY i wanted this story to be funny and silly and wild and i wanted the Doctor to have a really embarrassing time snogging a robot head, but i also was really trying to say something about what it feels like to be lonely, and i am like, genuinely proud of it. i think it's probably one of the best things I've written.

i wrote it at a really horrible time in my life, like i said, and i don't really remember writing it for the most part. reading it back was actually like.. good. which is honestly so nice.

like, i wrote this for like two people (hi), and myself, and it's very much my brand of humour, which is that it's funny but it's also sad because i think funny hits harder when it's balanced on the knife edge of tragedy.

SO. YEAH.

~~fin~~

[firelord-frowny]

obligatory disclaimer that this post is ENTIRELY based on my own perceptions of my own experiences, and may or may not be true to a broader degree. 

anyway, Weight Stuff under the cut. also LMFAO this post is long as SHIT lmfaoooo and it doesn’t even end with the topic i meant for it to be about. 

Sooooo, i’ve always very loudly been on Team Mind-Your-Business-About-Other-People’s-Bodies, and i still am, and i am ALWAYS down to (usually gently) call out someone who’s overstepping their boundaries as far as other people’s bodies and lifestyles go, blah blah, and i am KEEEENLY aware of the damage people cause with fatphobia, and that rhetoric surrounding ~diet and exercise~ is almost ALWAYS malicious in terms of hyperfocusing on “ugly fat” and shaming people into feeling horrible enough about theirselves that they pay out the ass for Quick Fixes, and there’s almost 0 focus on The Actual Health Benefits of a healthy lifestyle other than just Maybe Being Slimmer. 

But alsoooooooooooooooooooooo???

i’ve always felt like, because of all that shit, it’s so difficult for me to feel comfortable talking about my own body and my own habits and my own shortcomings and my own goals. like, i DO feel bothered by the weight I’ve gained recently. NOT because it makes me feel ugly - i don’t feel ugly at all. i literally almost always feel beautiful lmao. NOT because i’m worried about how other people see me - i don’t have relationships with people who would give someone a hard time about their weight in the first place, and beyond that, i’m generally unconcerned with what people think of my appearance. 

the thing that bothers me is that i KNOW my weight gain has been the result of unhealthy lifestyle choices. i’ve always eaten more junkfood than anyone i know, and i’ve always tended to eat VERY few healthy things. so like... that’s bad enough for my health. but i ALSO don’t get much physical activity. and then covid hits and my job is snatched out from under me and i spend most of every day in the same 100 square feet. so like... OF COURSE i gained weight. lots of people did! people gain weight all the time for lots of reasons and nobody should feel bad or guilty about it. 

but for me, even though i don’t see my weight gain as cause to lament about my appearance, i DO see it as an indicator that i’m not taking very good care of myself. i mean, if i’m thinner with a shitty diet, then my thinness kind of allows me to ignore my bad choices because there’s no ~visual~ reminder. i know that’s prolly fucked up, but that’s what’s happening in my head. when i’m thinner, i don’t have to acknowledge that there are going to be consequences for my choices. 

but to SEE my body change as a direct result of crappy diet and no exericse??? it’s really made me see how urgent it is that i start treating myself better RIGHT the fuck now. i mean, i am Young, but i won’t be young forever, and the longer i keep eating garbage and sitting around all day, the sooner i can expect to start having real health issues. and like, heart problems run in my family (as they do in MANY black families). i already have pcos, and that puts me at a higher risk for stuff like that. 

so, it’s been scary to have to face the reality that i’m setting myself up for disaster. 

and i figured that CLEARLY i’ve been unable to get myself on track For Free, so i finally caved and signed up for noom, and i’m down almost 10 pounds already.

and i get on the scale and weigh myself and i feel proud! i feel happy! i feel capable! i feel like i’ve proven to myself that i CAN make better choices. i’m NOT weak-willed. i’m NOT incapable of taking care of myself. 

But then I feel like i shouldn’t say that out loud, or i shouldn’t tell people how glad i am to see the natural result of my healthier choices. 

i’m not glad because i look different - i’m glad because my different look is a sign that i’m succeeding in taking control of my lifestyle. my different look is visual evidence that i’m eating more fruit and whole grains and drinking more water and i’m eating less sugary foods and less meats, and i’m eating healthier portions, and i’m not snacking all day. i can SEE the proof that i’m making choices that are going to give me a better chance at staying healthy throughout my life. 

i’m KINDA exaggerating in that i don’t actually think i LOOK different just yet lmao i feel like i look more or less the same. but i definitely do FEEL some subltle differences. i mean maybe it’s a placebo effect, but i think my forearms are slightly narrower and my bewbs are a bit less... cumbersome lmao. (i SWEAR like half of the weight i’ve gained has been in my boobs alone omfg). 

but idk, i guess what i’m trying to express is that i just... don’t feel comfortable sharing how glad i am about my progress bc most of my social circles are comprised of people who are rightly critical of the way people talk and think about weight loss. i knooooow that most reasonable folks, if i give the Full Explanation about how my gladness is due to the fact that i can see that my lifestyle is changing for the better, would understand and would be happy for me. 

but uhhhh lmao some people Aren’t Reasonable and are committed to having a negative reaction to any statement that seems to exalt thinness in any context at all whatsoever. 

and i KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW that a person’s weight is not an automatic indicator of their health, and you can’t assume that a person has Become Healthier just because they’ve lost weight, and you can’t assume that a person has become unhealthier just because they’ve gained it. there are all kinds of reasons for people being whatever size they are, and we can’t make those kinds of judgments about people’s size bc obviously we don’t know their life! we don’t know if they eat veggies and go jogging! we don’t know if a thin person has a cinnabon for breakfast every day or if a fat person is a professional dancer. so like. it’s stoopit to assume anything at all about a person’s health/lifestyle just based on their size. 

BUUUUUUUUUUT!!!! an individual person can make those judgements about their own size and their own health. like, people know why they’re the size that they are, whether it’s genetics or lifestyle or health related. one person who’s super thin knows it’s because they have a fast metabolism. another person who’s thin knows it’s because they starve theirself. another person who’s thin knows it’s because they intentionally make choices that would result in their size. and the same goes for big people! they know if they eat too much junk food, or if they’re just genetically ~meant~ to be their size, blah blah blah. 

so when a person talks about their own weight and how it relates to their own health and their own lifestyle, i feel like it’s Inappropriate to lecture them about how ~it’s okay to be fat, you don’t need to lose weight~ blah blah. bc like... DUH, it’s okay to be fat. whether it’s because of lifestyle or genes, it’s still okay. it’s allowed. and people should be free to feel beautiful and see theirselves as UNCONDITIONALLY valuable and intrinsically worthy of the space they occupy in the universe. If a person actually disparages theirself because of their weight, then sure, you’re probably welcome to tell that person that their size, no matter the reason for it, has no bearing on their worth and that they have the right to feel good about who they are and how they look. 

but if someone says, “you know, it’s really time that i finally started eating right and exercising so i can be healthier and lose weight,” thennnn... i feel like the only appropriate response is to cheer them on and tell them to go for it! if someone knows that their weight is the result of unhealthy habits, and they express a desire to change that, there’s no need to try to tell them that they don’t need to try to change it omfg. 

like... literally everyone needs to eat well and exercise in order to give theirself their best chance at staying in good health. thin people need to eat well and exercise. fat people need to eat well and exercise. they only people who DON’T need to eat well and exercise would be people who are actually physically incapable of rigorous movement or people who are, idk, allergic to most ~healthy~ foods. 

So if someone who’s been eating junk and sitting around tells you that they want to start eating well and exercising... that’s a GOOD THING. 100% of the time. it’s ridiculous to respond to that with a lecture about ~all sizes are beautiful~ and ~you can do whatever you want, you don’t have to Fit The Mold~ like omfg THAT’S NOT THE POOOOOIIIINNNTTTT!!! 

basically, i feel like in the midst of rightly defending fat people’s right to exist as they are, some of the Discourse has inadvertently careened into the absurd territory of actually DISCOURAGING people from making HEALTHY lifestyle changes that would result in weight loss. 

as i’m typing this, it also occurs to me that there seems to be an assumption that anyone who intends to lose weight is planning to do it via extreme but temporary methods like restrictive diets and unsustainably vigorous exercise. 

i feel like some people need to acknowledge that there’s a difference between “i’m only going to eat one meal a day and exercise for 4 hours a day so i can lose 30 pounds before my wedding day,” and “i’m going to lose my excess weight by transitioning to a healthier lifestyle.” the former describes an unhealthy and unsustainable attempt to starve and overwork yourself to lose x amount of pounds that you’re inevitably gonna regain after you go back to your normal habits, and it’s exclusively focused on appearance. like, it CAN’T be about health, because those methods are unhealthy! you don’t get healthy by doing unhealthy things! 

the latter describes a legitimately healthy way of life that can and SHOULD be sustained for a person’s whole life if ptll ossible. there’s no need to try to force your body into a different shape in a short amount of time when you could instead just allow your size to adjust slowly to a permanent and positive lifestyle change. 

but it seems like there’s a knee-jerk reaction to condemn weight loss in any context altogether. 

i under staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand why people might have that attitude and i’m not mad about it. i GET why some people might be hypervigilant about condemning any belief that suggests that being fat is something that a person should be unhappy about, and i don’t want people to stop doing that. 

but i doooooooooooooooooo think that perhaps it’s time that people begin learning to trust other people’s analyses of their own bodies and their own choices and their own goals, and learn to tell when a person’s weight loss is motivated by genuine health reasons, or by social pressure/shame/embarrassment. not everyone who wants to lose weight hates their body. not everyone who wants to lose weight has low self esteem. people can feel fabulous and gorgeous in their current body, and still want to make choices to change it via improving their health.

and like! some people genuinely just don’t WANT to lose weight that they know they’ve gained from unhealthy habits. some people are totally fine with living their life the way they like to live it, and prioritizing their enjoyment of their lifestyle over efferts to prevent future health issues. and that’s their right! and nobody should say shit about it! mind ya business! 

i kinda compare it to like... cave divers, or daredevils, or mountaineers. those are all HELLA dangerous activities that kill or seriously injure a LOT of people. and the people who engage in those activities KNOW this. they KNOW that they’re at a significantly higher risk of premature death compared to people who DON’T do those things, and they know that they could increase the odds of living a log time by Not Doing Those Things. 

but they do it anyway! because they want to! because they think it’s fun! because the enjoyment of the activity is, for them, worth the risk of harm. they’re living a lifestyle that could kill them, but nobody says shit about it. nobody shames them for it. they just accept that people have the right to be cray cray if that’s what they want to do. people might think daredevils are stupid, but they’re not trying to bully them into quitting. 

so if somebody wants to eat a diet comprised of nothing but eating cinnabons 3 times a day every day their whole life, that’s their right! mind ya damn business! if somebody hates exercise enough that they’re okay with the possibility of health problems down the line, then fine! it would be fair to worry about that person and to wish that they’d make differen choices, in the same way that it would be fine for someone to worry about their dearedevil friend and wish that they weren’t a daredevil. but it’s still not grounds to be a dickhead to them. 

[babysgarage]

i’m gonna type out a long rant i said i’d save for after the last episode airs now it helps me declutter my brain 

okay i legit didn’t want to ship reki and langa from the start, partly bc they didn’t really fit my favorite tropes, partly because i really adored their relationship from the start and i didn’t wanna set myself up for a disappointment by expecting more but here we are 

i mean already by episode 2 they were shown to share a single braincell and were idiots together but i also raved about how caring and sweet they were to each other and how it made me notice that all other relationships between between to main characters/best friends in shonen and sports anime i’ve seen until now always had them as bickering rivals who viewed each other as goal posts they wanted to surpass, while also caring a lot about each other obviously 

but with these two it was never about that, they showed them bonding over stupid shit like watching videos on their phones and passing ketchup between them on a skateboard and reki helping langa with his job search and bandaging up each other’s wounds and becoming more comfortable with physical affection etc, and even when the difference in their skills caused their big fight, the main reason reki was upset was bc he thought he wouldn’t be able to skate next to langa, it never was about /beating him/ (the only time they even mentioned langa and reki racing against each other was in episode 11, and that was just encourangement for reki to win against adam and another way of emphasizing they wanted to skate together)

so i enjoyed the show for its animation and visuals and humor and the very sweet platonic friendship between the two main characters and i would’ve ridden it like that to the end but- you could see them growing closer in each ep and it gave me the same feeling as a certain other skating anime, and then came the conversation between langa and his mom where she asked him ‘do you like this person?’ and he yelps, blushes, looks away and stutters a ‘well.. yeah’ and hold the fuck up, am i seeing this right? are they legit doing this? or are we all just misinterpreting it? bc if it was what we thought it was, then it was a big deal, but no one from the japanese speaking side of the fandom that i follow seemed to be freaking out like the rest of us did so idk. the scene did have a comedic end so maybe we were supposed to take the entire thing as a joke, which, okay, i wouldn’t like it but i’d accept it. except they also gave us 4 episodes of langa looking like a kicked puppy because reki wasn’t there. and then there was a wholeass 3 episode arc where he figures out that his heart beats faster not because the skating itself, but specifically because reki is there to watch him/cheer him on/skate with him when he does. and then we have them making up in ep10 where langa showers him with compliments and they both blush and talk about skating together forever (’infinitely’) and they make an infinity sign a part of their fistbump routine and at this point i gotta ask myself ‘are yall trying to use this skating thing as a metaphor or smth?’ 1) because that’s a common thing in sports anime 2) because joe literally says ‘skaters are idiots. making friends, fighting, making up, you do everything trought skating’ uhhhh does that count for confessing to your crush too? so they finally make up and they go back to being happy (FINALLY) again after 4 weeks of being miserable without each other and langa even says "I always realize how much something meant to me after I lose it, like I did w/ you Reki" just... why go through all this fuckery of strengthening their relationship when it was strong from the get-go if you’re not really planning on going anywhere with it

and you absolutely have the opportunity to go somewhere with it because the literal theme of the main antagonist is about how wrong and fucked up his view on love is and he’s going up against langa in the last episode, who could make a case for, yknow, a healthy and good version of love that he himself learned of during the show (and of course that version of love could be platonic but that’d make me write another wholeass rant about some very problematic aspects of the show and also, like, i know this is utsumi’s ‘passion project’, i know she also worked on free! and bfish so i thought maybe she’d like to do something more lets say unquestionably romantic&gay if she were given the opportunity) idk why but my hopes are back at 0 where they were when the show began but we’ll see i guess. maybe yoi just really spoiled me and gave me too much confidence in my instincts 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

[fanfoolishness]

Rambling thoughts for Little Graduation/Prickly Pair

My heart can’t even handle it, you guys.  I just... I can’t.  *cries forever* Thoughts behind the jump for spoilers/length, and please feel free to yell at me or reblog with your own thoughts!

Steven is singing along to an old Sadie Killer song because it’s old and familiar

Really the only time we’ve seen him sing this season

Because his feelings are too muddled up and painful to dare put to song

So he sticks to others’ music instead, safer that way

OMG he adds a little “Hey” to “Teens by day” so cute

OMG he does a falsetto part to the first Sadie Killer and Suspects and then a goofy as FUCK deep voice for the second Sadie Killer and the Suspects

I just… Zach Callison’s voice work this season has been so good and it sounds like he’s having such a good time at the silly parts and he’s been so emotional on the rough parts, if he doesn’t get recognized for his work on the show by the end it’ll be criminal

This is gonna be the last time we really see Steven happy for a long time, isn’t it? And it’s so sad because it such a joy to see him that way again for a second, no eye bags, no stress. My heart.

Aww Sadie got a neck too!

YEAH STEVEN REALLY DID DIAMOND EYES FROM EXCITEMENT, not stars!!!

I’m sad for Lars and Sadie that their growth took them different places but I’m so proud of them too!!!

“Don’t you wanna try something new?”

“Well, hm.”

“Except for me! I’ll still be… right here.”

Steven is losing control of his floating powers. Tried to be cool guy floating around with his friends and failed. This is really concerning. The last time he couldn’t float well was way back in season 4. Stevennnnnnn….

Shep DOES seem so cool!

Look at Rebecca Sugar, they truly just be out there like “last season, what are they gonna do to me if I put non-binary humans in the show, that’s right, they won’t do jack SHIT” bwahaha

And it’s lovely that it’s just no biggie

Steven your ship didn’t sail, I’m sorry but you can’t write AUs for real people

Lars is more worried about the cake than about his ex

“Are YOU okay?”

Finally someone is asking and of course Steven is like”what? My problems are visible externally? WHAT problems???”

“Everyone but me…”

Buck got into medical school??? Holy shit, so he was in college before? Dang. Also his bedside manner will be soooooo weird and cool

Actually I can see him as one of the weird internal medicine doctors who’s super smart so you want them on your case but he only says the occasional weird thing like “your gallbladder is an illusion” or “your hormones are like, totally out of sync. Lemme fix that” or wow, I don’t even know, I may have to write a drabble of an intern just being wowed by how weird he is

Classic Steven would definitely buy a jacket for his phone

Awww Sadie you should have told him 😭😭😭

Lars watching Steven slow motion self-destruct like “oh god is this how I was”

“Ah, well… you should have asked me, I’m-I’m really good at naming bands…”

Jesus Christ Steven that sound was my heart breaking for you

What the fuck is Shep’s instrument? Anyone know?

Okay this is actually a really good graduation song and while Sadie Killer is still awesome I love that Sadie can also tap into more personal emotions for her work now, she’s just so good!

I know how Lars feels, sometimes those big events are just overwhelming

I love his leather jacket!

So uhhhh maybe Steven doesn’t control Diamond Mode as well as we had thought given the last few episodes

It’s really fascinating because it’s clear in the animation and voice work Steven’s struggling with so many feelings right now

He’s scared Lars and the others are slipping away

He’s ashamed he feels so aimless beside them

He’s angry that Lars isn’t listening and is going to leave him

He’s sad that everyone’s changing

The way Steven yells at Lars to stop is just so fucking desperate, his shaking fist, holy shit kid you do not do goodbyes well do you

Aaaaaaand that’s new. What the hell is it??? We’ve never seen this from any other gem or Diamond before. DAMMIT STEVEN THIS IS NOT HEALTHY

It shredded the stage and the banner 😭

Digging that scary as fuck musical motif

It has the Diamond mode machine noise in the background — that flickering humming power sound

Seriously Steven!!! How the hell would Lars’ feelings— so much denial

“When did this happen, I didn’t see any of this!”

I love that he touched on this, like of course people don’t have to live their private lives in front of you, dingbat! But so much of his life has been lived with the Gems who did display all their trauma and problems that he can’t help but feel he’s entitled to see how things work out

It’s also concerning because it suggests he is having some trouble viewing people as independent to him, as having their own agency

WHITE DIAMOND ANYONE

I love that Lars is so excited to be back in space with his friends!!

Oh man the way everyone stares at Steven like “bro, clearly you are the only magical pink person in the room”

Some really gorgeous frames of Steven’s face here, wish Apple TV let you cap them 😢

“I can’t help it if my dumb heart misses you guys” I’m CRYING FOREVER

AMAZING use of “squash and stretch” Disney animation theory here hahahaha

Lars and Steven hug gives me so much life waaaaaah

I still can’t get over how grownup that boy looks behind the wheel. I love his hand tapping on the wheel.

So pensive. Poor Steven.

And now Prickly Pair, if you thought your heart hurt before well lemme tell you what!

How much time has passed since Snow Day?

Dammit, I predicted in one of my fics that Steven would feel weird about gardening magically and want to do it all the old-fashioned way…

But I haven’t finished it, alas. And Steven is doing much better emotionally by that point in MY story thank you hahahaha

Also it’s Connverse and adorable

Okay really should work on it

Well, okay, Connie is a cute smart blue flower so at least Steven’s still thinking of her? I really wish she had been here but I guess she’s gonna have to save Steven from himself soon enough.

I’m now kind of uneasy about the idea of them dating… I really wanted them to get together but Steven isn’t healthy right now. He’s really messed up and kind of worse than I was even thinking with all my angsting. If they try to get together now Steven might be weird and controlling and secretive and that is not the Connverse I want! Maybe we’ll get something cute and sweet after Steven starts recovering and getting mentally healthier?

Because not to say you can’t be in a relationship and be mentally ill… but the low point of your illness is NOT a time to START a relationship, and if they’d really been dating this whole time I have to imagine we’d have heard about it. So my guess would be not dating, Steven was too busy to hang out a lot of the time, but still friends.

Dammit I really wanted cute date episodes and the big dance from Chille Tid 😭

DON’T NAME YOUR PLANTS AFTER PEOPLE

Garnet tried to warn him… I wonder how the cactus acted in other timelines.

Does Zach voice the cactus too?

Yep: confirmed, Zach is a cactus.

FINALLY we’re in Steven’s head and it’s an uncomfortable place to be

“I used to be helpful, but the Gems don’t need me anymore! Why do I need to be needed? Stevennnn, pull it together!!!”

And again with the head clutching and yeah it really seems like White’s pulling a Steven in the intro doesn’t it???

Oh god I assumed the cactus was going to be a monster because of repressed feelings manifesting in Steven’s spit but it’s so much more painful that it repeats after him and THAT’s what makes it upset waaaaaaah

Cactus Steven screaming why do I need to be needed!!!

The Gems are finally asking the right questions but Steven is so paranoid he can’t help but view them in the worst way

Steven venting about the gems hurts but he DID have to deal with them at their worst

Oh no, he went diamond mode on Cactus Steven!

The powering up noise diamond mode makes is so ominous, I love it

I can’t believe Steven didn’t almost lose an eye from his own shield right then and there

“Those are my real private thoughts! I can’t let them hear!”

Noooo his house!

Nooooo Steven the Gems can take listening to you a lot better than a magical cactus could, you’ve GOT to talk to someone or this will get SO. MUCH. WOrse.

Yeah. It’s gonna get so much worse. ;_;

[chris-chaoticdumbass-mclean]

Chris is Loki’s son headcanons:

Loki is definitely the producer of the TD franchise

World Tour was happening during SpiderMan: Far From Home

Loki has a disguise on when he is the producer

Loki is just there, supporting his son

Chris looks a lot like Loki

he’s also got all the traits

He’s got the hair too

and it explains why the fuckin show is still airing bc you know silver tongue all that convincing things

Christ doesn’t know until he shows Chef his dad

he’s just like hey this is my dad and Chef is like, “why does he look like the guy who invaded new york with aliens” and Chris is just kinda like “oh shit wait”

it’s probably a picture that Chris shows him, so Loki isn’t actually there when this happens

so Chris kinda brings it up next time they see each other, like “hey you ever been to New York?”

Loki be like “ummmmmmmm possibly” and just saunters away briskly

and chris runs after him like ok bro are you an evil chaos god or not i don’t care either way

then loki just looks at him like fine yes and chris is like bro that’s so cool so am i a god to

chris gets super excited about having superpowers

and loki is like “chill, all the ones you have you’ve been using already without noticing” “the charm, the convincing, good at speaking, never seeming to age bc of an increased life span”

Queue Chris being like “oh cool”

Thor met Chris before Loki told him about Chris and Thor is very confused talking to him, like “why does this human remind me of my brother”

bc loki of course put shields so that no one could sense him

Loki going to see the avengers and Chris tagging along and like everyone who’s anyone knows who chris mclean is

read: everyone but steve

And when Loki with Chris comes, Thor is like... “iTS YOU AGAIN”

and Chris is like “i tHOUGHT you looked like Thor, but i didn’t say anything bc i’m a nICE GUY”

and everyone just stares at him and until he’s like “ok fine, i’m an ok guy”

and tony is like “why tf are you here” and chris just goes “well, i was having lunch with dear ol dad here, until he was called away by mr thunder over there and he asked me if i wanted to come and i had nothing better to do, so i said why not”

and everyone, including steve, is like did you just say dAD

then someone, probably clint, is like wow ok that explains sooo much

Peter walks in. Says hi to everyone. Like:

Hi Mr. Loki

Hi Chris McLean—

w A I T

CHRIS MCLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he starts gushing over how awesome he is, Tony looks very concerned

Chris has no idea who he is or why he’s here in avengers tower but he’s just like “thanks kid, always nice to meet a fan”

Catch Peter calling up Shuri bc Shuri is meme god and Chris is a Top Tier meme

Catch Shuri flying over as fast as she can

Chris acts all cool but internally he’s lowkey freaking out like “holy shit i’m here with the avengers and the princess of wakanda is apparently such a huge fan of mine she’s flying here right now i can’t wait to tell Chef”

Chef in the mean time, is trying to keep the place together

while this is all going down Chris pulls out is phone and texts him like CHEF IM WITH THE AVENGERS

And Chef is like “suuuuuuuuure you are, and I’m wearing a tutu”, he needs some picture proof

Loki looks over Chris’s shoulder while he texts Chef cause that’s what parents do

once Shuri gets there and stuff he just sighs and goes “ok i feel bad asking this but my friend is refusing to believe i’m with the avengers until i send him a picture”

Peter and Shuri are like “cHEF?!?!!”

and they’re like “YES TAKE A PICTURE RIGHT NOWso chris gets one of all the avengers which facial expressions ranging from confused to concerned

Chef in the mean time, is making sure the contestants don’t kill each other, and he checks his phone being like “oh shit”

and then he sees Shuri and is like “WAIT IS BLACK PANTHER THERE?!” bc we all know Chef’s favorite is Black Panther bc T’Challa is a god

Chris just looks up like “he wants to know if Black Panther is here”

He is here, someone has to chaperone Shuri, make sure she doesn’t make any more lightsabers

he walks in and Chris is like “hey man kinda feel bad for asking but my friend is a huge nerd and wants to know if he can get a picture or video of you or something”

and T’Challa just stops like, “aren’t you the guy that runs the show my sister is obsessed with?”

meanwhile Shuri and Peter are freaking out bc Chris McLean just called Chef Hatchet a nerd

so T’Challa is like “uhhhh sure”, so Chris takes a selfie with him and sends it to Chef who is like “that’s amazing but please come back Duncan is trying to kill Harold again”

Shuri isn’t allowed to make lightsabers in Wakanda anymore because of... an incident, Chris tried to get a said lightsaber from Shuri (they are still in the Avengers Tower), T’Challa had to stop her

Shuri did something and now lightsabers are banned in Wakanda, but that doesn’t stop her from coming to the US to make them

she just like “hey chris mclean want a lightsaber?” and chris is like “omg y e s”

Peter already has a lightsaber, so does Tony

chris is like “get me that lightsaber and i’ll be your friend forever” Bc ya know Star Wars nerd

Loki then reveals that fact to everyone else bc he knows of course who else is Chris going to gush about star wars with other then Chef?

Peter and Shuri are just stunned bc Chris McLean is a star wars nerd

and Chris just shrugs like “bros i wore my x-wing pilot suit like at least twice on national television”

And that’s it!

Feel free to add more!

[markleesthighs]

Black Mamba | Chapter 3

Pairings: Reader x Mark Lee, Reader x Hendery, Reader x Jaehyun, feat. ot21

Genre: NCT mafia!au, angst, fluff, light smut (suggestive), comical

Warnings: Swearing, A LOT of flashbacks, passive-aggressiveness

Words: 3.045k

【 ❶ ❷ ➂ ❹ ❺ ❻ ❼】

Chapter 3 - Moving On 

Seoul, Korea, a week after Valentine’s Day 2023

One week. One week since your heartbroken, one week since you’ve lost your love and heart to a man full of shit. You had never stepped foot into Mark’s bedroom since and have taken off your necklace you had kept on for three years was now in a box in your bedside dresser locked away forever. You both never talked with each other since that night and kept it strictly professional. 

You focused on your work and have helped succeed almost 80% of the missions since last week. You also found yourself accepting more assassination missions wanting to get out of the mansion. You also got closer to Hendery, and it would not have been a shock to see that Mark took notice to that. He always gazed at you looking at you laughing over something Hendery said or when you let him come into the lab with you to look at what you were working on. He became a really close friend to you since that night.

You came back from an assassination, riding on your motorbike with your helmet on. You rode into the garage and took off your helmet and walked into the mansion and you heard the voice of the guys from the main entrance looking through the windows.

“Who is that?”

“She’s pretty.”

“I wonder when he broke the news to her.”

“Bet Mark bought her that necklace.”

“Ha, I bet he bought her everything she is wearing.”

You immediately knew who they were talking about, a/n (any name). Mark finally decided to bring her to the mansion and show her what he really does for work. You are going to assume its some spoiled brat who only wants Mark for money and his dick. You put your helmet down along with the others in your closet and started to walk down to greet whoever this a/n is. All the guys and Mark immediately stopped talking when they saw you, hearing the clicking of your boots approaching them. They all moved out of your way, and you made eye contact with Mark and a/n. Mark looked at you in panic and awkwardness, awaiting your reaction. I guess Mark thought you wouldn’t be at the mansion by now and try to sneak her in the mansion without you noticing. You reached out a hand to a/n.

“Hello, I am y/n, nice to meet you.”

“Hi! OMG, I LOVE your outfit.”

“Thank you, I’ve heard so much about you.”

You noticed her necklace, it was the same exact one Mark gave you, same letter engraving, the same pendant that you wore for three years.

“How do you know Mark?”

“Oh, Mark?”

You put an arm around his shoulder and gave him a noogie.

“I’ve known this idiot for four years, we are practically family, right, Mark?”

“y-yeah, family.”

She looked somewhat intimidated by you. You had a perfect, healthy body (all bodies are beautiful :)), friendly with all of the guys, and appeared to be a goddess to her.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, if I were to date anyone of these dumbasses it would be Hendery or Jaehyun.”

Both of their faces immediately lit up, and they started to laugh and hit each other

“Hey! That doesn’t mean I would date you, I would only do so if I were forced to by Mark.”

They both calmed down, and a/n seemed to calm down from her worries.

“Y/n why don’t you take a/n for a tour?” Mark said.

You fake smiled and said

“Sure, I would LOVE to.”

The guys and Mark soon dispersed back to their work while you led her around the entire mansion, explaining where everything is.

“So this the main entrance, obviously with high tech security, and has loaded guns and missiles built into its walls to ensure safety.”

“From what?”

“People trying to kill us.”

“This is the kitchen, living, and dining room, we don’t spend much time in the living or dining room since we are all busy 24/7. We also have a personal, professional chef and maid service for you if you feel like it.”

“So if I want anything I can get it?”

“Yes…”

“The floor below is mainly the garage, which you can’t have access to since you are not allowed to leave without Mark, another member, or a bodyguard.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Whatever,” you thought.

“If you go upstairs, this is the floor where the most work happens, and YOU MUST knock on the door before going in, understood?”

She nodded as you continued. 

“If you look out here, you can see our bathhouses inspired by Japanese onsens, and you will go into the women’s side, not the men’s side. You can also see our outdoor and indoor shooting ranges where we train our trainees to shoot. Here on this floor, you will find all of our conference rooms and offices, if you look at the end of the hallway on the right that’s Mark’s office, you can feel free to pop in if you’d like. If you need any help, ask Taeyong, whose office is the last door on the right. If you look left, you will see the weaponry and technology labs, my lab is all the way at the end. However, you are NOT allowed inside.”

“Why not?”

“First, you physically can’t come in, and I don’t want anyone or you knocking on the door thinking you can, it has a facial and fingerprint scanner impossible to hack. Only Mark and I can access or allow anyone in. Second, Mark wants you to be safe, so he wants you to stay away from this lab so you can’t get hurt when we are testing weapons.”

“Aww, he’s so sweet.”

You roll your eyes so hard that you might hurt your skull of how annoying she is.

“This is the third floor, where all of the bedroom quarters are, this is where we all sleep, and you will be sleeping in Mark’s room.”

You walked her to Mark’s room and hesitated to open the door getting flashbacks of that night. 

“Um, are you going to open the door?”

“Yeah I was, I was just making sure no one was in there.”

You swung the door open and let her walk around, looking at his room. It smelled just as you remembered, musk, cigarettes, and whiskey. You saw as nothing changed except the picture of you two were replaced by her and presents given by you were nowhere to be found. The one thing you still saw was the wall. The wall he threw you into was slightly dented and would only be noticed if you knew what happened there. 

“Alright let’s go” (before you start crying at least)

“Okay!!”

She was WAY too peppy and energetic for your type, you have NO IDEA how Mark found her attractive, heck even started dating this chick. You led her through the rest of the house and eventually ended the tour.

“This concludes the tour any questions?”

“Uhhhh, yeah! What do I get to do!”

“HA, nothing.”

“W-what?”

“Listen, you are here to keep Mark happy, pick up a hobby or something. At least make yourself useful here.”

You left her in the elevator walking to your lab exhausted from talking to her and continued working for the rest of the day. You needed a bath and steam, so you headed to the bathhouses to relax for your tiring day. It was still snowing out, and the contrast of the cold breeze and the hot water and steam made you feel extremely relaxed. 

You kept thinking in your thoughts about a/n, and how she magically seduced Mark. You also thought if Mark was really over you, or needed to distract himself. But nonetheless, you hoped Mark was happy since you still cared about him and would always support whatever he does with his life.

That was until you heard a crashing in your bathhouse. You immediately got out and put on your robe with a dagger, a throwing knife, and a gun equipped in your pockets. You held your gun and saw the shadow in the changing room who knocked over all of the buckets and towels. You prepared to protect yourself as you put them into a chokehold with your gun to their head.

“If you move or speak you will die got it?”

“y-y/n it’s just me.”

“What are you doing in here?”

“A/N??? WHAT THE HELL YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!”

“I-I just came to take a bath.”

“Well, a WARNING could have been nice.”

You calmly removed her from her chokehold and walked back to the outdoor onsen to have some steam and she soon followed shortly. She didn’t get in, but she looked around for a bit.

“What do you do around here?”

“You get in and relax, this is usually the time where I can clear my head, but you decided to come along.”

She then hopped in and sat across from you.

“So, do you like anyone here?”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t know you are surrounded but so many handsome guys, I’m surprised you’re not dating one of them.”

“Why so you can cheat on Mark with one of them?”

“What? No. Never.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m focused on my work, so I don’t have time for dating.”

“Oh. Have you ever thought about it?”

“No…not any of them are my type.”

You then got out since you’ve been in the onsen bath for too long and felt light-headed.

“BYEEEE I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW!!!”

You waved and had a cold shower before you left. You felt better after and walked back into the mansion to find Mark reading on the couch, looking like he was waiting for his girlfriend.

“Oh, y/n, I have something for you.”

Mark got up and handed you an envelope with gold lettering with your name on it. You took it and opened if, in front of him, it read “25th Annual Masquerade Ball.” You remembered this ball since you remember your parents attending one every year. Mark was telling you that every member of NCT was required to attend, protect, and enjoy others and themselves. 

He told you a fashion designer will come and take your measurements for your custom mask and ball gown. You remembered attending this ball with Mark several times. Even if he was busy, he still promised to give you a dance and never forgot his promise. You have memories of those magical nights, but this is the first time you are going solo. You walked away, but before you entered your room, you heard Mark’s laughing from the living room. You missed that, hearing his laugh and making him smile, it was a bittersweet feeling.

Every morning regardless of the weather, you do a morning run before you work on anything. You wake up really early to go on your run, so you are not disturbed by others in the morning. However, you didn’t realize that someone as looking for you. A/n actually asked a maid where you were. When you returned, she looked at you in awe, after your workout, you looked even more like a Goddess compared to her.

“How was your run?”

“Fine.”

“I was wondering if us girls wanted to hang out today since I have nothing to do here.”

“But unlike you, I have work to do here, so you run along and pick some flowers.”

You walked away with maids holding water, towels, and your change of clothes before heading into the lab. In the lab, your eyes met the invitation again, reminding yourself that the Masquerade Ball is coming up and the fashion designer was coming to see you today. Since you had a fitting around your lunchtime, you decided to design some Masquerade Ball friendly weapons. Gun holsters, knife pockets, tracking devices, earpieces, and night vision lenses. Soon after, you were called for your fitting and walked to the garage, got on your motorbike, and rode off to the fashion designers workshop. You arrived and went up to the top floor to meet a similar face who’s designed all of your outfits to the years prior to the ball.

It felt awkward, but, you kept calm during the entire fitting. While you were doing your fitting, you looked around and saw Mark’s and a/n’s outfit designs on the wall, matching in a beautiful navy blue and gold theme. You never matched Mark at these balls, since you kept your love hidden. The designer decided on a red dress with a golden snake necklace and golden embroidery. He would tell you he would send everyone’s outfits early for you to input any proper equipment or defenses. 

It wouldn’t take long, it would just be a quick sew and an add on. You had given him the blueprints of the weapons prior so he can highlight and sew in pockets for special items like poison gas. He showed the masks that fit your special requests and accommodations. They had trackers, analyzers, and night vision mode when you looked through it. They also had an x-ray option to see what weapons the person is currently carrying (only for your mask). They also were secret gas masks and could see through smoke bombs. You soon left your fitting and rode back in peace, knowing that the gala will be left in good hands.

A week later, you were sent everyone’s outfits in a vast array of colors from black to yellow. You equipped everyone’s outfits until you hesitated at Mark’s. It was beautiful, and you knew how good he would look in it. It had golden vines across his navy suit jacket. You looked at a/n’s dress thinking how the dress could have been yours, that if things had worked out differently, you would be wearing this dress. This dress should be your dress, not hers. 

You were about to burn the dress when you realized how selfish you were being. It’s Mark’s first time going to a ball with a date, and it’s not like he’s unhappy with her, he smiles all the time around her. You delicately placed her dress down, put a tracking device, dagger, and an alarm system connected to Mark, to know when she’s not within the eyesight of Mark. Your dress, you made sure it could be ripped off for any emergency. The skirt part can rip off and reveal your black pants underneath equipped with everything you needed, guns, knives, bombs, and ammo. 

You sent the maids to deliver the suits and dresses to all the NCT members, while trainees were either working or have the night off (depending on how well they did on their tests). You also started talking to Hendery more and more, and now you both became very close friends. Mark did notice this and started to fill up Hendery’s schedule so you couldn’t see him often. You both would eat together, and he would hang out with you in the lab on late nights and bring you tea to keep you working. It would not be surprising if you didn’t say you started to warm up to him, or heck even likes him. He was there for you when you needed it, and you trusted him with your heart. 

That night you were tired from all of your work you lied down on your bed and thought about Hendery. You wondered if he felt the same way or even liked you. You remembered when he seems excited when you said you would date him, maybe that’s a sign? You told Hendery all of your worries and concerns, and he was there to listen and comfort you. You two also occasionally had sleepovers in your room, pushing each other playing Mario Kart or watching sad romance dramas. He was like a best friend that you loved more. Since your break up with Mark, it’s been a long time since you’ve had a genuine best friend. 

Sure, Mark was your best friend (that you dated), but a person to hang out with and spend your free time with was lovely. Yeah, the other guys are still your friends, but they are always super busy and can’t even catch a break with you. The only reason why Hendery can is that he is the head of his own department, and has other people working under him to do his work. Hendery strictly just reports what he gets from his peers. He works in the medicine and health department, which was in another building, to prevent sickness from spreading and allow a separate hospital for NCT. 

You didn’t feel like that lonely child anymore, you felt love. Those same fuzzy warm feelings for Mark resonated within Hendery, but were you ever going to tell him? If he doesn’t feel the same thing what is going to happen? 

You took a quick shower and changed, continuing to lay on your bed, thinking. Just as you were in your own thoughts, you heard a knock at your door. You got up to answer it, and speak of the devil, its Hendery. He walked in a little nervous and sat down on the bed. 

“What’s up Hendery?”

“H-hey y/n, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Do you w-want to come with me to the Masquerade Ball?”

“...”

“A-as f-friends of course...if that makes you feel comfortable.”

“...”

“I-I know you are still hurt from Mark, so I figured you should still enjoy the ball regardless.”

“T-thank you, I would love to go with you Hendery.”

“R-really??”

You then pecked his cheek, which made him blush a crimson red on his cheeks.

“You can also consider me your date then.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.” 

He then hugged you before saying goodbye and goodnight, and you somehow lost all of your worries and fell asleep peacefully. 

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[jxckspxcer]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

Can be used to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

TAGGED BY: @skulldxddy​​ AYYYEEEE TAGGING: @pcrticlvcid​, @flos-timore​, @ofspoons​, @chainsxwsmile​, @builtperil​, uhhH YALL

1. FIRST NAME: Adrian

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I collect hats. I own 54 hats. I wear like 4 of those.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: This HARD. On one hand bein ace doesn’t mean I can’t think people are attractive, on the other I experience all things in extremes so most people are really boring to look at to the point I never remember any details about their appearance (”like my hair cut?” “you.... you got a hair cut?”), or they’re very very noteworthy and I can no longer function in their presence (cause i wanna stare at them but thattts weird). 

But lemme tell ya, I compliment people regularly, so here’s 3 things I notice and point out about people: Cool Hair, Unique Aesthetic (fashion, be it a singular accessory or every goth/gnc i ever meet--), Height (tols impress). 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: Sushi probably.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: Mushrooms. Neurhg,,,

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: the devils lettuce................ And idk K-D.rama? 

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Depends on the temperature. COLD: Leggings, pajama pants, sweater, beanie. HOT: shorts tanktop.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: uHGHUHGH,,, every relationship I’ve ever had was short and terrible. let’s go with fliiings! thats what I need in my life. a commitment free cuddle buddy. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: You know there’s a lot of shit in my past that can’t be stopped, but RECENT PAST? WHY DID I SPEND ALL MY SCHOLARSHIP MONEY LIKE I DID. I COULDA MADE HELLA SAVINGS!! I WAS GETTING 5K A SEMESTER!! AND I SPENT IT! ON! FOOD AND SHIT! i had a job at the same time, my parents were still working, I do not see why I was spending any of that semester money man I smh I oughta kick my past selves a ss.... 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: I yearn to be. I’m incredibly repressed and insecure currently, and I’m not sure if that’s going to change when I’m less depressed or if I’m gonna have to rebuild that skill. But I used to be the kind of person to hold hands with my best friend, snuggle during sleepovers, give hugs and kisses, sit close and link arms, generally just be super cuddly-- It’s how I like to be, but I think at some point I just started to assume people didn’t like it so I stopped. SUCKs Butt. 

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: I watched mimzy over and over again as a kid, but nowadays, none, no, I can’t, I don’t have that aTTENTION SPAN--- 

12. FAVORITE BOOK: UHhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,, i have not read a book in a while, my old favorite book might not be as good as I remember. 

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Raccoon. 

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: Lets go nonxs based on my recent media consumption--- Chel.lDOS (redemption tailoring), Zifeng/Yanuo, Kirk/Spock, HarleyQ/KickinAss, UhHhh, okay and ClayJack my ultimate Jack ship I will crave for infinity...

15. PIE OR CAKE: Cake. Cheesecake specifically, but CAKE. Pie only has so many flavors I’ll actually eat. 

16. FAVORITE SCENT: OOHhh GoDdd... I’m doing aromatherapy right now (another strange fact), so there’s a lot of good scents in my life... I really like sweets? Like I have a cotton candy body mist, and I like my smores candles.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: UHhhh....... UHHHHHH????? That feeling when you are so far out of the cult of celebrity.... Like I know some, mostly ones from Marvel, but I wouldn’t call em crushes. Can I say Whoopi Goldberg in the Sister Act? She was really pretty in that movie (so was the red haired nun). And I really liked those movies as a kid. 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: The easy one to say would be Japan.... but to visit some of my online friends would be even better! Honestly, I find just going grocery shopping with my friend to be an adventure, I am sure visiting any of my friends in their hometowns, be they cities or small towns, I would find every day exciting. I have deep puppy energies. 

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Introvert. I get so tired, my friend has told me to take a nap mid-party before. But like, as you hear, I love parties. I super love socializing, but oof I do get drained. If I could sit with people, no-energy, no-obligation, free to chat or chill, that’d be the dream. And I have a lot of those with my best friend, except with the minor energy obligation of transportation and sometimes other people....

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: Incredibly. I’m a huge baby, incredibly squeamish, easily startled, easily paranoid. I’m scared of the dark still, I don’t watch horror movies unless the monster is sexy. 

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: fuck em both, i still have iphone

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: I’m primarily a simulator/rpg/sandbox kind of gamer. Animal Crossing, Minecraft, WoW, Starbound, Sims 4... Yeah. I can’t even play Mario or Left 4 Dead very well but like I like them?? Game with meee, I don’t do that much, it would be fun tho,,,

23. DREAM JOB: If I’m god damn honest I hate the idea of a job deep down in my soul. Call it bein’ lazy but man I want my life to involve somethin more than making money to survive, that’s all I’ve ever done and I’d like to stop. But being able to help others, being a resource, brightening peoples day, being involved in something that enriches the world somehow. These kind of things make a good fit for work, and if it pays good, and I can build a routine around a solid schedule, then I guess I could live with whatever. 

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Do the math for how much I need to survive for the rest of my life, bare minimum style, then cushion that a little. Buy myself and my friends some nice things. Start giving money to strangers. Funnel it into important things that need to get paid for. Quit my job, travel, get extensive therapy, join fucking causes I wish I had the physical & mental resources for now, finally be able to put my passion into things again. Lmao money can’t buy happiness my a s s.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: hmmmmmmm........ hate it such a strong word. I just keep thinking of characters I LOVE to hate or like characters who are obviously hateable (intolerable villains). But I wanna pick one I genuinely dislike, deep down, for reasons. 

Lum.py from HTF,,, I just don’t like his design next to the rest. I mean I haven’t watched HTF in literal years but he came to mind.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: The Walking Dead / Game. Zombies just don’t really ??? click with me unless they have a gimmick now.

[thaumaturtles]

Begin ANGELQUEST

The other day, I was doing some.......

...... studying.......

When I came across an advertisement. This isn’t at all an unusual experience; I’ve been on the internet for a decade and change and I’ve come to accept that ads are a part of the experience. This was an ad I’d seen many times before, too. I’m so accustomed to seeing it that my eyes often skip right over it. However, I’ve been reading a lot of articles about Enlightenment, lately, and I’ve been trying to put that into practice in my everyday life. I’ve been attempting, to varying degrees of success, to become more aware of myself and my environment, to probe onward into my mind’s own blind spots. In short, I’m trying to blitz my chakras. (Don’t worry, am Indian, can reclaim.)

And so, for perhaps the first time, I took a moment to truly see the ad in front of me. To stop and smell the dogshit hiding behind the roses. And, goodness, was it a sight to behold. Ladies, gentlemen, and all who fall betwixt, I present to you, THIS:

Take a moment, if necessary, to take it all in.

Have you collected yourself? Good. You’re holding up the rest of the class.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to let this pass without mental comment on more than one occasion. How did I look at this image, think “angel reading? yeah, sure, that’s a thing that exists” and then shuffle along? The only explanation I can muster is Divine intervention, which would ironically lend this product some legitimacy. I need to understand. What does Angel Reading mean? How could such a process be personalized, and, furthermore, how could it take place over the Internet? Who is this “Celeste”? What is she after? Why does she look vaguely disappointed in me? Can she see my soul? What is an “Angelic Medium”?????

Clearly, if I want answers, I’m going to have to dive in. I place my Crocodile Dundee hat on my head with no small measure of trepidation, though I must confess a moiety of excitement deep within. As I hike up my Adventurin’ Shorts and stuff a few hundred metres of rope into my backpack, I consider the long road ahead. And then, with my cosplay explorer’s outfit put on to my approval, I sit down at my computer. I’m really not sure why I felt the need to do all that when I’m just gonna be here at home.

I steel my will, and I click.

This loading screen appears, and I’d like to mention that the URL for this page is perhaps longer than any URL I’ve ever seen before in my 16 years.

Okay, let’s just take a moment to get our bearings here and-

HOLY MACKEREL, THERE’S A COUNTDOWN!

And only twenty-seven minutes left! Sakes alive, I clicked this link just in time! Imagine If I’d wasted more time farting around and dressing up like Indiana Jones!

Although, weirdly enough, whenever I refresh the page, the timer restarts, and it always restarts at 27 minutes and 50ish seconds, which is a random-enough number to seem legitimate.

Hmm. Odd.

I wonder if maybe the countdown isn’t actually real and is just there to pressure you into typing your info more quickly so you don’t notice how fishy this whole opera-

OH MY GOD ONLY 26 MINUTES!!!!!!!

OK, gotta think quickly here. Gosh, they’re asking some personal questions right off the bat, but I can’t let them know it’s me; they might recognize me from tumblr. If this sting operation’s gonna go forth I gotta lie my ass off. My name? Uh, uh.. My name is Dyl-Dy- Uhhhh, shit, okay, it’s Dylan-NO, Dylllllllll...... Delilah? Delilah. Like from the Bible. Yeah, that’s fitting, especially since I’m swindling these fools. Soon, Celeste, your hair will be mine.

They’re asking for my date of birth, which I’m hesitant to put because my 16th birthday party was kind of a big deal and Celeste might’ve heard about it, in which case she’ll know it’s me AND things will be super awkward cause I didn’t invite her to the party.

I put 4/13/1969 obviously

They’re also asking for my e-mail address, which I can’t give out because it has my full name, address, and social security number in it, so let’s just pull this ripcord real quick and parachute out of this nightmare zone, and over to a quick, free, secure e-mail client. That is, protonmail.com, which is not my usual e-mail server and will thus throw Celeste’s goons even farther off my trail

Wow, that was a surprisingly quick and painless process! I might just have to use protonmail in the future

So anyway here’s my info, sent in right under the wire, with a mere 24.3 minutes left! God that was close. Picture that classic scene in Indiana Jones where he slides under the door and then reaches back in to get his hat, only it’s an out-of-shape teen and also the door hasn’t even started closing yet.

I went with my actual country because, c’mon, there’re a lot of people in Jamaica. Statistically speaking, how likely is it they’d find me through that?

You know I didn’t. You know I fucking didn’t. Why are you asking.

Also, here’s a quick rundown of what Celeste is actually offering in case anyone was curious. It does somewhat tickle me that she claims she’ll “get to work immediately” as soon as anyone clicks the link and subscribes, as though the process isn’t completely automated. It evokes a clear image of Celeste, in full angelic garb, sitting at a computer screen and answering calls while also typing into three discrete keyboards simultaneously.

The idea that she could personally take the order of every individual who clicks this ad betrays either a complete lack of confidence in the desirability of her product, or an incredible amount of confidence in her own ability to multitask.

Who is “she”? Celeste? That doesn’t make much sense in the context here. Peter’s Guardian Angel? But earlier Celeste made it sound like all angels use he/him! Also, what does “bring her back” mean if it’s the angel? Can angels leave and later be found again? I feel like if you find your guardian angel once, that should be it forever, but apparently they can leave and you have to ensnare them again?????

Hooray! A link from an unknown source to an unknown destination! I sure can’t wait to click it all day long!

The things I do in the name of science, I swear to God Celeste.

It took a minute but here it is. Sidenote: I rather enjoy the irony of an inbox which consists of three e-mails about encryption and ways to curate a safe internet experience, and one which is an automated link from a bullshit ad for a product that doesn’t exist. There’s a subtle poetry to this image. I almost want to frame it, and then sell it for an exorbitant amount of money.

Here’s the e-mail, folx. If ever you needed proof that this was a scam, look no further.

Who on this good green earth would think beginning such a missive with, “Thank you for your trust,” would be a good way to garner MORE goodwill? When I go to my local grocer and I purchase a party-sized bag of Tostitos to eat by myself over the course of a day and a half because I’m in control of my body, goddammit, the bag doesn’t say, “Thank you for believing in us! We promise we won’t give you dysentery!

Like, what the fuck? “Thank you for your trust.” Your product should be able to stand on its own two feet and proudly proclaim, “I’m gonna give you a fucking angel reading or die trying!”

That initial line has honestly made me more scared than ever for this process. I’m confident I’m going to click that link and it’s going to auto-download a terabyte of obscure Norwegian pornography to my hard drive. I did just update my computer this morning, however, and all my data are backed up, so I feel somewhat more secure than I might otherwise.

Did I really just say “data are”? I know it’s grammatically correct and all, but it’s still jarring to hear. Messes with my mental flow. And wouldn’t the proper, descriptivist thing to do be to use “data is” to avoid confusion? Using “data are” feels clunky, is more difficult to say, and makes me look a bit snobbish. I’d delete it but that would require hitting the backspace button on my computer and I’m frankly quite lazy about that sort of thing. What was I talking about again? Oh, right. I have to click the link.

 Again with the “thank you for your trust” bullshit! Whatever, I’m going to let it pass. They’re clearly going for a friendly, approachable persona here, even if they’re doing it in the most threatening, ass-backwards way possible.

This next email took a seemingly endless eight minutes to arrive, during which time I meditated, raised a bonsai tree to adulthood, watched Marley & Me, grappled with intense feelings of loneliness, and worked on some of my homework.

Or maybe I just played games on my phone. You decide!

Okay, not quite what “hereby” means, but sure. It’s a common mistake, likely exacerbated by the presence of the word “here” within “hereby.” Sort of a “wherefore does not mean where” situation I suppose.

Anyway, I’m submitting to the mortifying ordeal of clicking the link yet again.

Christ get a load of this shit. How fitting that the Angelic stone for someone born on 4/13 would be Jade. My archangel is Megatron apparently??? His info claims he’s some sort of scribe. My major planet is Neptune, and my secondary planet is.... the sun? Is anyone going to tell Celeste what stars are or do I have to do everything myself around here? I do like that ram up in the top left though. I’m naming you Ram Elliot.

Now for the pièce de résistance. Meet Mahasiah. Mahasiah is not my guardian angel; Mahasiah is the guardian angel for anyone born between April 10th-14th. My guardian angel is Yerathel, apparently. A few things I learned while researching this: both Mahasia and Yerathel have “feminine energies” (???) and both have Fire as their associated classical element. Also, Yerathel rules over Intelligence, which is one thing I actually somewhat like about myself. This is actually kind of neat to learn about!

I mean come on. That’s pretty fuckin cool. His name means “He Who Punishes Evildoers” which is beyond epic, and his associated gem is Smoky Quartz, aka the only Steven Universe character.

You know, maybe this whole Angel Reading business isn’t a scam after all. Maybe it’s a perfectly safe process and I’ll be totally fine, what am I worrying about? At the very least, it couldn’t hurt to explore her site a bit more..... for research’s sake.

yeah baby tell me more

h-

certainly, miss celeste, anything for you

wait, aren’t I already in a relationshi-

JAZZERCISING JUNIPERS BATMAN THERE’S ONLY 28 MINUTES LEFT

holy shit! I want accurate readings!

Oh god oh no okay i’ll do whatever you want celeste please don’t leave me i need my tarots

THEY KNOW ABOUT ME ALREADY OMG

Well, okay, even in my currently addled state I can still see that “Duo-Telepathy” is complete bullshi-

OH WELL IF AMANDA GAVE THEM THREE WHOLE STARS I HAVE TO TRUST IT

Amazingly, my info was pre-filled in. Almost like this site is linked to Celeste’s in some way, or perhaps even run by the same group of scammeUPSTANDING CITIZENS IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY

Ooh, another e-transmission from my good friend Celeste! Oh, how I’ve missed her! And apparently large and surprising discoveries have been made concerning me! She’s presenting me a Guide? I sure hope I’ll be able to open it, hassle-free, with no additional purchases/information required!

OHOHOHOHO

bro i’m shitting my drawers rn

I have no fucking clue what that means but you said FREE so i’m in!

oh my god there’s still so much left. just shut the fuck up and take my money you fools

AW TITS YEAH

....i think

Okay, I know the original thing said FREE and I should be “mad” or watever, but look at that bargain! that’s more than half off! It might as well be free! I’d be stupid NOT to buy it!

I’ve invented a lot of secondary information for Delilah. The phone number is merely (559) YOU-SUCK, as a subtle way of establishing the power dynamic at play here. I’m sure Celeste will appreciate it.

Hmmmmm.............. It would seem my method of “just input numbers randomly” won’t work here. Such a shame. Credit card fraud used to be so easy. I’ll have to put that on the backburner, though, because look what just appeared in my inbox!

You can see where this is going.

I’ll take my leave now, this post is getting long enough as is, but I do feel it’s important to note that doing a quick bit of research shows that Celeste & co. are famous for emotional manipulation, as well as getting people addicted to their products and forcing a sort of dependency upon them. It’s important to do your research, and remember basic internet safety tips like don’t click popups or check if a site is legit before downloading from them. It’s incredibly easy to get trapped down this sort of rabbit hole, where you wind up buying more and more of their products like you’re stockpiling for the Rapture. Not me, though, I’m obviously fine and can quit anytime I like. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try a bunch of credit card numbers until one works.

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 wonpil

first of all i will definitely do poorly on this because,,, you know,,,,, he’s so precious and i don’t think my words can do it justice ksbdjshs i wanna make the sweetest scenario for him

but i suck at sweet stuffs smh bye

name: kim wonpil

major: modeling (i still cant believe this is an actual major im living under a rock smh)

other activities: member of music club, keyboardist and main singer of the university band

jae calls him “the backbone” of the music club because wonpil participates in all club events, he always takes part in weekly activities, and he actively finds new recruits

jae on the other side pops up once in a blue moon to play guitar, do shit, then disappears

don’t worry ever since jae starts dating the newest member who happens to be wonpil’s bestie he’s more active now

honestly more than half of their club members joined because wonpil made them to

he’s persuasive and convincing okay you would end up eating rocks if he told you it’s good for health

but he’ll never do that ever bc he speaks no lies okay he’s like the sweetest person in the earth

he’ll cry by the sight of cute puppies, do i have to explain further

wonpil was nominated as the club president but the other candidate park sungjin who’s also his roommate beat him by one vote

well he prefers to be just regular member anyway, that way he can still do a lot of things for the club but with less responsibilities

you see he’s really nice, he’s caring, he’s hardworking, he’s confident, he knows how to present himself and he’s hella attractive

he’s taking modeling as his major do i make myself clear

everyone LOVES wonpil

and i mean sometimes it’s just not only a platonic love but like an “i will give you my heart and soul please marry me” love

too bad he’s oblivious af

someone: i,, i like you wonpil,,,, d-do you like me too?

wonpil: of course!!! you’re my friend!!!!!!!!!

someone: ….oh ok

accidental friendzone

but you know he doesnt actually mean to do that, he just doesn’t think anyone likes him like that

moreover he already has someone in mind

aka the coffee shop girl

aka Y O U

yeah hello guys i am: still lame

the first time he met you was on exams week

everyone was busy and stressed af and running on almost no sleep

except maybe wonpil

not because he was fully prepared but more like he forgot exams week was coming until the day before so he just decided to wing it lol whatevs

anyway his roommate aka sungjin asked him if he could go buy him a double shot espresso so wonpil did

he rarely visits coffee shops tbh and when he does he always orders vanilla latte with extra syrup for himself

wonpil seems to be that kinda person who tries to enjoy coffee but can’t handle the bitter taste its so frickin cute and trust me you think so too

so anywayyyy yeah he never saw you, aka the new barista, before

it was ur first work day as well btw and he was ur first customer

he didn’t know why but watching you being nervous made him nervous too

just imagine a stuttering costumer and a stuttering barista

everyone watched you two with anxiety

but even when wonpil was a nervous wreck he didn’t forget to smile and before leaving he said to you, “thanks, have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!”

honest to god it made your whole day better

anyway let’s move on to the second meeting

he comes back and this time he orders a vanilla latte, but being the clumsy ass that you are, you slightly confused his order

he receives his coffee and takes a sip and he freezes

you ask whats wrong and he’s like,, uh nothing,, the coffee is just,,,, kinda bitter today??? ha,,,hahahhaha,,,,

you stand still

wait

he asked for EXTRA SYRUP not EXTRA SHOT you dumbfucc

you offer to make him a new one and he refuses saying it’s fine!!! but you still feel bad so you insist but he’s like no!!! i gotta stay awake anyway i have an important quiz today i have to study! by the way uhhhh i’ve never seen you around until recently???

you introduce yourself and he introduce himself blablabla it’s awkward and your palms keep sweating for some reason

before wonpil left, he didn’t forget to say “have a great day!! i’ll see you around then!!!”

he’s so sweet uwu

seeing him and making him his vanilla latte (extra syrup) is one of the best parts of your job tbh

and he visits every single time you’re working which makes it better

why is his smile so adorable what the fuck

and there’s something about the way he walks that keeps you looking i mean boiiiii does he know how to present himself holy shit

that feeling when you see someone so beautiful you want to cry

the more you see him the more you want to know about him

what major is he in? what is he usually do outside the class? what kind of person is he? does he have a lot of friends? what’s his hobby? stuffs like that

too bad he always comes when it’s busy at the cafe so you can’t talk too much

neither he ever tries to initiate a conversation with you except his usual “hello! how are you today?” and “thank you, you make the best coffee! have a nice day!! see you!!!”

let’s admit it you highkey have a crush on him and EVERYONE knows

wELL it’s because you always wear that expression like "goddammit why must kim wonpil be so cute if he ain’t gonna ask me on a date” whenever you watch his back as he leaves the cafe

and EVERYONE but YOU knows wonpil’s so into you

whenever someone says something like “just ask him for his number he’ll definitely give it to you” you’re like “wtf nO that’s creepy and he won’t!! he doesn’t even know me!!!”

“he literally only comes when it’s your shift and he always makes sure you’re the one taking his order you oblivious dumbass”

“it’s just a coincidence”

“…..yeah whatever”

but they’re right wonpil’s crushing on you hard

at this point sungjin can even draw a portrait of you although he hasn’t actually met you before

that’s how much wonpil talks about you

from your whole adorable appearance to how cute your little cough is, or how he adores your little smile and the sparks in your eyes when he compliments your coffee, or he’ll describe your apron what the fuck and how he thinks your look so good in white and blue

sungjin’s so done with him

“just ask her out you stalker”

“nO I CAN’T!!! SHE’LL THINK IM CREEPY!!! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME”

“well i bet she remembers your face by now since you always drop by when she’s there”

“but she meets a lot of people everyday there’s NO WAY she can remember me”

you see the problem now?

then one day jae decides to play matchmaker

by “playing matchmaker” i mean he follows wonpil to the cafe and straight up tells you, in front of wonpil’s face and everyone there, “yo this friend of mine wants to take you on a date and he wonders if you’re interested”

you are: blushing

wonpil is: dead pale

you: o-oh… i’m–

wonpil: yO HE’S JUST JOKING HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY oH My gOd jAE LET’S GO

he drags his tall friend aka jae out of the cafe and since then he never visits again :(

im sad now ugh i told you i suck at sweet stuffs like this

fast forward it’s summer and the university wonpil’s attending is holding a summer festival that’s open for public

well,,,,, you decide to go and you ask some of your friends to tag along

you’re not sure what you’re hoping; maybe you just want to see how the place wonpil’s studying at looks like, or maybe you do wish to meet him by accident or something yanno like a drama

whatever

you promised yourself that if you don’t see him today, you’ll get over him

but if you do see him, you will ask. him. out.

well jokes on you babe he’s there performing on the stage with the band

he’s,,, he’s singing,,, and playing keyboard,,,, omg his voice

as you already know im uncreative soooo by impossible coincidence somehow his eyes spot you in the crowd

btw i imagine them singing Pouring but i think you can pick any songs you like

he’s so taken aback that one second he’s singing and the next second he sees you and his eyes widen and he’s like “I’m falling for–hUH? why are you here??” to the microphone

don’t worry the others cover for his mistake while trying not to laugh

everyone laughs too while looking around to find the person whom wonpil sees

you’re embarrassed as fuck you want to curl up and hide forever

but your so-called-friends don’t let you get away that easy okay it’s your only chance

dw dude wonpil feels the same he wants to immediately get off the stage and die

but sungjin will literally kill wonpil in his sleep if he doesn’t do anything it’s now or never

poor boi has had enough of this pining shit

so after the band performance wonpil has no choice but to approach you

“h-hey! so you watched our stage!”

“y-yeah! it was great!! didn’t know you can sing so well”

“h-haha thanks”

“y-you’re welcome”

silence

more silence

wonpil clears his throat and, “so…”

you blink fast, “yeah…?”

“um uhhh do you wanna see around? i can take you”

“oH of course”

What Am I Even Writing Anymore

well remember your promise earlier? about asking him out?? no???

is it too late to chicken out and forget the whole thing now

you barely know each other it’s so awkward and he looks so fine today and you really don’t wanna push him even further now but if you hesitate longer who knows someone else will ask him first and just the thought alone breaks your heart a little bit

so it’s time to grow a pair and take risks cmon dude you can do this

one

two

“anywaysijustwonderifyou'refreenextsaturday?”

wait

it was!! not!!! your voice!!!!

“huh?”

wonpil clears his throat and repeats slower, “i just wonder if you’re uhhhh free next saturday?”

o shit

o fUck YeAH

you cough a bit before answering, “y-y-yeah i guess??”

“ok um i like, have two tickets for movie if you want to come with me”

that’s like the lamest invitation and you yourself gotta admit that lmao

but oh kim wonpil,, dear,,,, there’s no way i would say no

so you two go on a date

or “casual outing” as you two call it

but everyone knows it’s a date okay even though you two didn’t have any skinskip oops

it’s okay it takes a bit of time but you’ll get there

i mean, since then you two go out together almost every weekend so ye it won’t be that long until the awkwardness wears off

wonpil just cherish you so much he’s afraid he’ll scare you or hurt your feeling by accident so he never boldly initiates anything

the first time you two finally holding hands is when you two go skating, and that’s just because you two are so bad at that

gotta hold each other so you won’t keep falling aye romance

you don’t know this but trust me wonpil talks about it for days sungjin almost decides to move out

he’s still insisting it’s not a date tho

“you know what, i can already imagine you two in like 10 years, standing at the altar and be like, do you marry me as a friend or what? unclear”

“do you think we’ll get married?????”

“oh dear god”

but yeah

you two will get there

somehow

just take your sweet time and give wonpil all the love in the world i beg you

that’s it YAY i think imma work on sungjin’s next wish me luck im running out of lame cliche ideas now lol bye