#all this comes down to is that i'm being enabled to post more of him

[ilsanslut]

꒷♡꒷ TREAT YOU BETTER!

♰ featuring: sae itoshi + rin itoshi (mentioned) [blue lock]

♰ note: this one is a DOOSY and i'm not even kidding when i say it took me 9 hours and 45 minutes to complete this, over the course of two days of course. However, as my first time ever writing on tumblr, i decided to go all out! that being said, it would mean a lot to me if you would support this work by reading, liking, and reblogging!

sypnosis: why be with his lukewarm little brother when you could be with him instead? wc: 6.6k content/trigger warning(s): 18+. fem/fem-bodied reader. POST BLUE LOCK. sibling rivalry. implied thick/chubby!reader. sae is mean. jealous!sae. bully!sae. rin is 19. sae is 21. CHEATING. degradation. unprotected sex. fingering. squirting. rough sex. DUBIOUS CONTENT. spanking. dacryphilia. slut shaming. groping. implied size kink. minor angst. hair pulling. ONE face slap. pussy slapping.꒷꒦ view the second part here: part two.

Coming home for the holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions is somewhat of a family tradition that enables people to slow down and focus on spending quality time with loved ones. These kinds of celebrations give families that may otherwise be estranged from one another due to work or geography the chance to reunite and enjoy each other's company. And this reasoning was no different in the Itoshi household. What was the occasion for this month’s gathering? Well, it was Mama Itoshi’s birthday, of course!

You see, you have known Rin and Sae Itoshi since you were all very young. Your mothers were best friends, and by default, that meant that you three would become close as well.

Growing up with the Itoshi brothers, on the other hand, was . . . interesting, to say the least. Where Rin found your presence to be refreshing, Sae found you to be a nuisance. You didn’t care for football; you got in the way of his practice; and you were a girl. He always thought you were too weak to play with, and he didn’t hesitate to make his feelings known to you. Pulling your hair until you screamed, pushing you around when you weren’t even in his way, and calling you mean names until your little E/C eyes welded up with fat tears were just some of the things he would do to torment you. Had it not been for little Rinnie stepping in and protecting you from his brother’s outright bullying, Sae most likely would’ve continued until you cried to your mom about how mean Sae-chan was to you. But you would never do that. Your little crush on him would never allow you to get him into trouble.

Nii-chan! Don’t be too mean to Y/N. You’ll make her inner crybaby come out!

When Sae was especially cruel to you, Rin was always there to lift your spirits. He would tell you not to worry about his "meanie Nii-chan," take your hand and wipe your tears and snotty face, and lead you up to his room where you two could watch movies and play action figures away from his brother's taunts. Even if he could not take you away right away, for instance, if you three were at the park, he would always come and ride the swings or the big slides with you just to make you happy. Despite Sae’s every protest about how you were nothing more than a distraction to him, Rin, and football, you knew that your friendship was sincere and unbreakable.

As you three went through the ups and downs of childhood, you also weathered the storms of adolescence together. Sae left for Madrid, leaving you, Rin, and your previous feelings for his older brother behind to navigate the social awkwardness of junior high and share in each other's accomplishments while he was with his football team and you were at your respective clubs. Your friendship was a source of strength during those formative years, providing solace and understanding when the world seemed confusing.

As you two approached your high school years, something began to change. Accidental touches felt more like fleeting sparks, while innocent glances became lingering stares. Neither of you fully comprehended your newfound feelings, tiptoeing around the unsaid emotions that seemed to glimmer between the two of you until the day Rin asked you to be his just before entering Blue Lock. Now, for the past three years, you have been a happy couple, embarking on the dreaded hell of adulthood and the next chapter of your lives hand-in-hand.

Back in the present, the two of you were glad that Rin finally had some downtime from soccer—well . . . more so you than him. Even after the events of Blue Lock, he and Sae remained rivals, seizing any opportunity they could to humiliate each other on the field. That being said, Rin was almost always in the gym, meditating, doing yoga, or practicing his skills to pass the time. It was nice to be able to spend time together without the stress of his next upcoming game or press conference.

Because it was his mother's birthday weekend and all, she would, of course, invite her boys to come to stay with her and their father for the occasion, which included you too since you were Rin’s girlfriend. However, in the few days that you and Rin have already been at his childhood home, Sae had yet to arrive, and no one had heard from him since he texted his mother that he was on his way to the airport to depart. Regardless, the family was busy finalizing plans for their mother's big day. Mr. Itoshi was at the bakery finalizing the details for his wife's cake, Mrs. Itoshi was out for brunch with your mother, and Rin had gone for an afternoon jog because "staying cooped up all day will turn him into a lukewarm lard ass," in his words. As for you? You had just begun to rise, completing some housework in one of Rin’s old jerseys and washing the dishes on which you and Rin had just eaten a delicious breakfast.

After completing your tasks, you made your way back up the lavish stairs of their home with every intention of going back into Rin’s childhood room that you two were sharing for the weekend when you froze. Your gaze traveled to the opposite end of the hallway, to the closed door whose presence loomed in the distance—Sae’s room.

Memories from your childhood flashed back to you, of you watching him and Rin play all too violent and scary zombie video games, rewatching his matches, and, most begrudgingly, the numerous times he nudged your head with his foot and tousled your perfectly styled hair just to get a rise out of you.

Cringing internally at the past memories, you took a further step in the direction of Rin's room before hesitating once more.

It wouldn’t hurt to take a little peek inside Sae’s room, would it?

Despite your better judgment, you shuffled over the closed door and paused with your slender digits loosely encircling the handle. Your stomach churned and your heart thumped in your chest as your inner voice warned you not to enter another person's private space without their consent. But hold on—why were you getting anxious? Who was going to catch you when no one was at home? Turning the knob gently, the heavy oak door would give way with the tiniest of creaks, revealing a rather uninteresting-looking room. But given that Sae had rarely if ever, been home since junior high, it only made sense for it to be so plain. Aside from the plethora of trophies, medals, certificates, and framed photos that lined his dresser, what made it even more amusing was that those were only the leftovers from what could not fit in his trophy case beside his wooden dresser, which housed some of his youth team jerseys and junior trinkets.

You crept further into the cold room, wrapping your arms around yourself, and shuffled over to the plethora of awards from Sae's tireless efforts. As much as you weren’t fond of him, you had to admit that it was beyond admirable that a child was able to accomplish so much in so little time. He possessed a natural talent that professionals would kill for and others were envious of. Even though you were never interested in the sport, you envied him for being so naturally gifted at something he was passionate about.

“Some ‘monster genius’, huh?” You scoffed to yourself as your gaze fell on the last photo of Sae and Rin playing on the same team together before their relationship fell apart. Oh, how you miss those good old days of your youth.

“The fuck are you doing in here?”

Coming from behind you, an all too familiar voice startled you out of your reverie. Turning around, your wide eyes came to rest on Sae's form, which was motionless in the doorway, his stoic visage forever unamused, and his overnight shoulder bag resting by his feet.

When did he come in?

More notably, he’s . . . changed from the last time you’ve seen him since the U-20 vs. Blue Lock game three years ago. He was a bit taller, probably around 6’2” now. Because he was wearing a long-sleeved white compression shirt and gray sweatpants, you were able to see that his muscles were more defined than before, with every ridge and curve pronounced more vividly. His maroon locks had grown a bit longer, with his fringes now reaching slightly beyond his chiseled, clenched jaw, though his bangs remained forever lopsided and flipped back. And his turquoise eyes—had they gotten even sharper since the last time you'd seen them? The way they were glowering down at you, it was almost as though they were piercing right through your very soul.

“You deaf or something, you half-brained moron?”

Your eyes rolled exasperatedly into the back of your head as he rudely interrupted your thoughts. Only ten seconds after you reconnected, here he was spewing insults your way.

“Nice to see you too, Sae.” You grumbled sarcastically, internally dreading what this weekend would hold in store for the both of you.

In response, he hummed, remaining motionless in the doorway as his teal eyes bore into you with something unknown. The truth is, while you were distracted by his physical appearance, he was ogling you in the same manner. You had grown since the last time he’d seen you when you were back in high school. Your once innocent eyes now had a glint in them that could only be described as nubile; your once round cheeks had slimmed a bit to fit your maturing features; and your body . . . Damn, have you really grown over the years. You had developed a more feminine frame, with fuller thighs, widened hips, larger breasts, and a more prominent ass. You had developed into a truly breathtaking young woman, despite how much he hated to admit it.

“Almost thought you weren’t going to show at all.” You sighed, lazily checking your nails. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I live here.” His voice was deadpan and monotone, yet it held an underlying hint of irritation. “All these years have passed since grade school, and you’re still as braindead as when you were a child.”

“And you’re just as much of an asshole as you used to be.”

You resisted the urge to sneer, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he was getting under your skin, as you dropped your arms to your sides. When you made this motion, his brows would furrow, and he would cast a scrutinizing glare at your choice of clothing.

Talking to him was futile, and you did not want to be in this room any longer than necessary now that he was there. “Good to have you home, genius.” You spat sarcastically, attempting to push past him to exit the room, when all of a sudden his large hand would seize your bicep, halting your steps.

Your head snapped to him, your gaze a mixture of frustration and confusion as your lips parted to shout a rebuttal his way; however, upon seeing the blazing fire that had ignited in his eyes, you hesitated. His eyes narrowed to thin slits, like two fiery coals burning fiercely within his sockets. The intensity of his gaze was enough to send shivers down your spine, making you acutely aware of the gravity of his sudden wrath. His jaw clenched tightly, showing the strain of controlling his rage, and his brows furrowed, forming a menacing V-shape above his oculars.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” He seethed through clenched teeth, his voice deep and full of poorly contained malice.

You blinked. Your jaw dropped as you gawked at him, beyond perplexed. He had caught you so off guard that even you had to check what you were wearing to make sure you were not wearing anything objectionable. Nothing worth offending—fuzzy black pajama shorts that hugged your plush thighs, plain slippers, Rin's worn-out football jersey.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, you coy little slut.”

That silenced you effectively. Your eyes enlarged—almost lamblike—and your pretty lips drew in a subtle gasp. Any previous spark that had been ignited within you had quickly diminished, choosing silence over tossing more gasoline onto Sae’s roaring flames.

It appeared as though his entire being was directing his wrath into his single, piercing gaze as every muscle in his face tightened with each passing second. His lips, which are typically flat or curved into an unamused frown, were now deep-set, corners tugging into an awful scowl.

“Why are you wearing that lukewarm loser’s jersey?” When you should be wearing mine?

Now it was your turn to be infuriated as he insulted your boyfriend—his brother—the same person he had thrown out like garbage all those years earlier. Your heart was pounding so loudly in your chest that you could hear your blood pumping in your ears.

“So I’m not allowed to wear my own boyfriend’s jersey now, fuckface?” His gaze faltered. “You going to call me names for that too, Sae? Pull my hair? Spit in my face? Huh?”

“*What did you just say?”

“I said are you going to—”

“No, you cow-titted bimbo. The first thing you said.” He leaned in closer to your face, his eyes owlish and unblinking since you opened your mouth. You could smell his minty breath from the gum he had been chewing wafting into your face, “Say it again.”

“I’m not allowed to wear my boyfriend’s jersey?” You repeated, confusion etching your tone.

“That.” He snarled, his voice elated in a sick way, as though he had just found out the answer to some legendary riddle.

The hand that had been gripping your bicep now violently jerked you to the side, shoving you into his door. Before you had time to react, he crowded your personal space as his forearm pressed against the wood above your head, allowing you to smell the faint scent of his expensive cologne. “When did that happen?”

The initial fire that fueled his rage now transformed into a different kind of heat, a simmering and bitter envy that gnawed at his insides. He found himself grappling with conflicting emotions - on the one hand, he was somewhat happy that his blockhead of a brother managed to get a girlfriend, but on the other hand, it was you. The same girl that he had been pining over since you were first introduced to him all those years ago. The same girl that he thought was prettiest when she pouted at him with fat tears in her eyes and pleaded with him to be nicer to her. The same girl that consumed his thoughts 24/7. The same girl that he jerked his cock to at night after seeing how her fat tits in that all too small jersey bounced every time she cheered for his brother at that stupid game against Blue Lock. The same girl that, on all of those lonely nights overseas, he wished that, instead of fucking his fist, he was pummeling himself deep in your sopping wet cunt. The same girl that he was about to ruin before his brother got home from his whereabouts.

“Before Blue Lock . . .” Your voice was hushed, barely above a whisper, as though you were afraid of awakening a savage beast.

Three years. Three fucking years, and no one told him?! Not his mother, not his father, not Rin, not your stupid little social media (that he may or may not have been stalking) where you posted pictures of cats, candid photos of your friends, or whatever the fuck you got at your local coffee shop that day—not even you.

His once-obvious fury and visceral expression subsided, simmering beneath the surface in a contained inferno that burned with a ferocity few could fathom. Despite the turmoil raging inside him, he remained eerily calm, his stoic facade masking the storm within.

His demeanor exuded a cold, steely resolve that sent shivers down your spine and, quite frankly, took your breath away. There was an ominous sense of stillness in his presence, as if the air itself dared not disturb the calmness he projected.

“. . . Do you love him?” He spoke in hushed tones, each word enunciated with precision and purpose. There was no need for loud outbursts; the intensity of his calmness alone was enough to make you cower beneath him.

You were dumbfounded by his question, powerless to respond, and yet the longer you remained silent, the more you could see the cracks in his facade begin to scorch through his surface.

“D-Don’t be stupid, Sae. Of course I do, he’s my—”

You would never be able to finish your statement quick enough before his hands were on you, meaty palms digging into your hair, blunt nails scratching against your scalp as he grabbed a visceral hold onto your roots. The searing pain and astonishment coursing through your frame had you shrieking—in what? You didn’t know. Fear? Agony? Guilt?

Using his grip on you as a lead, he would tug you forcefully out of your slippers and down the hall to somewhere unknown. He ignored your screams as the weight atop your head forced your sight to the ground, your manicured nails digging into his wrist and clawing in an attempt to be freed.

“S-Sae, I-I’m sorry! Please, let me go! You’re hurting me!”

He said nothing, his heavy and deliberate footsteps speaking for him before he paused a short distance later. He threw you forward carelessly with surprising strength, causing you to land painfully on the wooden floors in front of you, barely having time to brace yourself with your palms. You had no time to catch your breath, though, as he shuffled over to you with fast-paced footsteps. Looking up fretfully, you would see Sae towering over you, taking notice that you were now on the floor of Rin’s room just before his bed.

“Sae—”

“Sae! Sae! Don’t be stupid; I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He openly mocked you, his lip curled into the faintest of sneers as he glowered down at you in hatred. Although even you could see that there was a bit of hurt behind his cruel teal eyes, “All you do is flap those pretty fuckin’ lips of yours, never knowin’ when to shut your stupid little trap.”

He relished in the way your bottom lip trembled and your eyes grew glassy, the same way they used to all those years ago.

“Still a little crybaby too, I see. Don’t worry, baby, you’ll be sorry soon enough for leading me on all this time.” He grumbled, lunging for you again.

He snagged at your roots again, drawing a sob from your lips as he mercilessly dragged you to your feet. Releasing his grip on your hair, he instead chose to grab your jaw harshly in his palm, using his thumb and forefinger to squish your cheeks and pucker your lips so that he may smash his lips against your own. It was messy, sloppy, and full of passion and rage on Sae’s end. He smeared your gloss, claimed your brims, and forced his tongue into your pretty, pliant mouth, all with the intention of claiming you and your maw for his own—but you would never let him.

You belong to Rin! You were loyal to him! So then, why do Sae’s lips feel so damn good against your own right now? This was wrong. So, so wrong, and yet, why did you want more of him?

Your mind was cloudy. Your head was spinning. You couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating you. Your dainty fists beat at his beefy chest and shoulders, trying to get him to get off of you, but to no avail. Instead, he seized both of your wrists in the grasp of his other hand and squeezed painfully in a warning, forcing you to whine against his lips—a delightful sound that went straight to his hardening bulge that he shamelessly pressed against you, grinding sinfully against your hips.

When he finally pulled away from you, you clearly appeared dazed. Your eyes were half-lidded and glassy, yet you were silently pleading for him to give you more. Your plump lips had swollen from his being pressed so forcefully against your own, and a singular strand of saliva still connected your lips to his own—one which he would sinfully lick away with a salacious swipe of his tongue.

The hand he used to grab your face gently shook your head back and forth, his sadistic turquoise hues savoring your already fucked-out expression. “There’s the greedy bitch I know and love. Finally decided to show yourself, huh? What? You want more, hm? What about your little boyfriend, princess?”

“R-Rin . . . I love, Ri—” You were cut off when Sae’s expression flared, his hand releasing your face for naught but seconds before connecting with your cheek in a hard slap. You squealed from the impact, your head whipping to the side in shock, but you could not help but feel strangely aroused by the contact. He grabbed your cheeks in his palm once more and tightened his hold on your face, bringing you closer to him until you were nose to nose.

“Don’t lie to me, you little minx.” He snarled as he cut his eyes at you. “You don’t think I’ve noticed the way you’ve been looking at me after all these years, like you wanted me? Or that I haven’t overheard your stupid little conversations about how dreamy you think I am to your friends, huh? Or how about now, when you swear up and down that you love my loser little brother, when here you are already going stupid on me when I’ve barely even touched you?”

You clenched your eyes shut as hot, guilty tears rushed behind your lids. He’s right. You've wanted him—always have—but it was too late now. You were with Rin, and he was the love of your life. You could not possibly change that, could you?

“Just say it, Y/N.” He chided, his voice softer than it was before, yet it still held it’s cold, irritated undertone. “Say you want me, and I’ll make you feel better than that lukewarm little shit ever has.” He released your face and smoothed his thick digits over the top of your head, stopping only when he could rest his fingers beneath your chin and tilt your head to look up at him. Your gaze focused on him once more.

“ . . . I want you, Sae. B-But Rin . . . ”

Sae hushed you again, pressing his lips against yours. How badly he wanted that name to never again be uttered by your lovely tongue. When Sae pulled away again, there was the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

“We’ll be quick, okay?” A lie. He was going to take his time fucking his brother’s name out of your memory. “He’ll never suspect a thing.”

Your apprehension was palpable, but ultimately you would succumb to sin and let desire and greed rule over logic and reason. You nodded, giving him the nonverbal go-ahead to stomp on the accelerator and never let up.

“Good girl.” He praised you, both hands abandoning your face to now grip at the collar of your shirt. In one swift motion, he ripped Rin’s jersey clean off of you from down the middle. “About time we got that shit off of you. The sight of it was makin’ me sick.” He spat as he tossed the tattered fabric over his shoulder.

You were not wearing a bra, so the violent motion had your breasts bouncing free after being momentarily released from their confines, allowing them to slap softly against the flesh of your rib cage—much to Sae’s viewing pleasure. You grew sheepish as he seemed to freeze, staring so brazenly at your bare breasts that you began to feel a bit self-conscious. Was something wrong? Did he not like them? Was he expecting more? Less?

In reality, the answer was none of the above. The midfielder swore under his breath as he shoved you back onto Rin's cozy comforter. He hastily climbed on top of you and used his body weight to pin you against the bed as his lustful hands began to grope and knead at your supple flesh, eliciting precious mewls with each delightful squeeze. His lips would latch onto one of your breasts as he dipped his head downward; the thumb and forefinger of his free hand would play with the other, teasing your nipples. His sharp teeth bit greedily over the delicate areola as his tongue flicked and laved over the hardening buds. The stimulation only served to heighten your arousal, as evidenced by the way you wailed his name like a sweet song meant only for his ears and how your thighs squeezed together from your excitement drooling from your folds.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Sae, who was busy alternating between pleasuring both of your breasts and growling under his breath, “Lewd fuckin’ body. S’all mine . . .” When he pulled away, there were visible marks left in his wake—light red splotches and indentations of hungry teeth imprinted on your skin.

He reached for the hem of his compression shirt and lifted it above his head, tossing it off to the side as he sat above you, staring lustfully down at you. He would manhandle you further after sliding off of your body. He pulled your shorts down in one motion, grabbed your thick thighs by the backs of your knees, and pushed them up towards your breasts. When he did, he couldn’t help but whistle, admiring how your puffy folds clung together and your inner thighs remained sticky from your translucent arousal.

“Has he ever made you wet like this?” Sae inquired, leering at you from between your thighs like a hungry lion with it’s eyes set predatorily on a helpless gazelle, to which your gaze would quickly avert. You and Rin had such a strong emotional bond that you never felt the need for frequent sex between you two. There were a few times, though, when Rin would fuck you after a winning game in a way that made you see stars, but those were always very far apart.

Your silence was all Sae needed for his answer. He crept back up onto you, chuckling sardonically as he held your thigh up with one hand, using his body to keep your other spread apart. He wanted to see all of your pretty expressions up close and personal when he ravished you. Swiping two of his fingers between your folds, the sudden motion caused your hips to jerk into his touch and you to keen with need.

Slowly, he inserted a single digit inside of you, hissing at how your walls selfishly gripped his fingers and eagerly tried to devour more of him. “Loosen up, will you, greedy slut?” He slapped your thigh with his other hand as your back arched with pleasure. “This tight pussy will never be able to take my cock at this rate.”

You tried to loosen up, you really did, but there was something so delicious—so tantilizing—about his thick, calloused fingers caressing your velvety walls that made you crave more of him. He continued to thrust his single digit inside of you, his teal oculars peering into your own with such intensity that it forced you to look away.

“Stop that.” His hand that grabbed the back of your knee slithered along your outer thigh until he could grasp your chin and force you to look back at him. “Eyes on me.” He ordered, to which you would nod dumbly amidst your pleasured mewls.

You felt the delightful stretch of another of his thick fingers pressing into your sopping cunt, thrusting in tandem with his previous one, as he leaned closer to you and his lips just barely touched your own.

“S-Sae, mmph, more, please, please, touch me more.” You begged, bringing a sinful smirk to the midfielder’s lips.

Unexpectedly, he would comply with your requests, pressing the pad of his thumb against your throbbing clit and rubbing quick, pleasurable cricles with his fingers as he arduously sought out that sweet, sweet spot inside of you. You could not help but start sobbing his name, his thick fingers filling you to the brim even though he had yet to stuff his cock into you. Each time he curled upward inside of you, his impeccable skill had you gasping for reprieve.

It was nothing like Rin’s. His fingers were slightly thinner than his brother’s, but they were a tad longer too, able to reach the deepest spots within you without even trying. Sae's immense precision and experience, which allowed him to know exactly where your sweetest spots lay within you, made up for his lack of length.

“ . . . Are you seriously thinking about him right now?”

You were startled out of your reverie by his curious tone and thinly veiled anger. You tried to focus on his hardened features through your daze, but you couldn’t. The knot in your tummy tightened, and you felt an enormous wave of pleasure wash over you. Something big was coming, and you could feel it reverberating all throughout your core.

“He could never make you feel this good, could he? Never get this pretty cunt this wet for him, hm?” All throughout his monologue, you could hear the sinful squelching of your juices soaking his palm, dripping down his wrist, and splattering onto the floor. You were a mess beneath him. He would abuse that rough patch just along your upper walls until your toes clung to the sheets in ecstasy.

“M’sorry, m’sorry!” You mewled, breath coming out in short, high-pitched pants as you writhed under him, his pace increasing as he felt your walls fluttering around his fingers.

“Who’s making a mess of you right now? Huh? Speak up, princess; let me hear you say it.”

“—You, Sae! You, you, you! Hah, please, I-I can’t . . . ! I-I’m gonna—”

“Do it. Cum on my fuckin’ fingers. Make a mess for me, pretty.”

You did just that. Your body went rigid for naught but a second before your back was arched into him, and your head tossed itself back into the pillows as a chorus of unabashed wails of your release erupted from your pretty, drooling lips. Your release was immense—loud—as a gushing of juices from your pussy thoroughly drenched the sheets, Sae’s sweatpants, his abs, and his entire forearm.

You squirted. For him. For the first time ever.

It was uncharacteristic how an almost feral grin twisted on Sae’s lips, his fingers removing from your sopping cunt to place a few well-directed slaps on your far too sensitive and overstimulated pussy.

“Atta’ fuckin’ girl. Can’t believe my baby brother was keeping such a sweet little succubus all to himself—selfish bastard.”

You couldn’t even hear him; your chest was rising and falling heavily as tears of pleasure ran down your cheeks (and thighs).

“Hey, hey. You still with me?” His tone was soft, his typically impassive visage now meeting your own with furrowed eyebrows and a tinge of concern behind his bright hues.

You nodded—it was all you could muster at this moment, but it was good enough for Sae. He brought his soaking hand to your parted lips, lightly tapping the digits on your plump flesh in a silent command for you to clean him off. He chuckled. Your lithe tongue and eager brims slurped, licked, and sucked your mess off of his thick fingers that were now shoved down your throat without you even needing to be told what to do.

“You wanna do that again for me? On my cock this time, pretty?”

You were exhausted, your body already aching beneath him, but you still craved more from him. Another meek nod was given, your dazed eyes meeting his only to utter around his fingers, words garbled from his fingers on your tongue, “Wantha’ squirth’ awound ya cahwk.”

That was all Sae needed to hear as he stepped off of the bed, making quick work to discard his soaked sweatpants and boxers into the growing pile of clothes at the base of the bed. His large hands grabbed your soft hips, tugging you toward him with ease as he flipped you onto your hands and knees. He let out a growl, his hand raising to smack your plump ass once, then twice, on both of your cheeks before taking big, greedy handfuls of your flesh into his ravenous palms. This was undoubtedly already his favorite thing about you.

Standing by the edge of the bed, Sae placed your body horizontally across the mattress with your head facing the door. With a forceful push of your face down into the sheets, your view of the room instantly became obscured. You craned your neck back, peering at Sae from over the arch of your back as he grabbed one of your fat cheeks in one hand and used his other to line his cock up with your entrance. He slapped his heavy cock against your folds, his blossoming mushroom tip connecting with your throbbing clit making you both keen with ecstasy.

He couldn’t wait any more. He needed to be inside of you. He entered your drooling cunt with a single, calculated push, and your fluttering walls were already trying to devour more of him in response to the intrusion. Sae groaned as his hips met the flesh of your ass once he was buried to the hilt inside of you. His head lulled back as he dug his blunt nails into your flesh.

For the past three years, this—this right here is exactly what he had been craving, yearning over, and lusting for—and now he had it. He nearly came from the feeling inside of you alone, though; he’d be damned if he let the fun stop there.

A steady pace was quickly established by the midfielder's hips, and his long, deliberate strokes were deep enough to feel in your tummy and cause your toes to curl up in pleasure. Having had such a powerful orgasm not even minutes earlier, you were still fairly sensitive; however, that only made things all the more enjoyable.

“O-Oh my god, y-your cock, it’s t-too much, I-I can’t—”

“Don’t tell me you can’t, you cock-loving slut.” He snapped at you, cutting your pleas short with a sharp thrust of his hips. The rhythmic plapping of your ass against his pelvis resonated off the walls of the bedroom, lewdly ringing in your own ears. “This is everything I—we’ve—been wanting for years. Don’t tell me that now, all of a sudden—” He paused, groaning deeply through gritted teeth as you clenched around him. “—That this pretty pussy can’t take anymore when you’re gripping me so desperately.”

“B-But Sae, i-it feels too good! Like I’m . . . I’m gonna make a mess again!” You whined.

He thought it was adorable that even in the most deplorable and deprived of acts, you still attempted to hold some semblance of modesty. Oh, how you were both far past that.

If anything, that just fueled his aggression. He used your words as justification to pummel your poor pussy harder and faster, putting both of his hands on your hips and lower back and pressing his weight against you to force you into an almost painful arch as his pelvis slammed into your ass. Your vision went blurry from his unforgiving pace, and your throat went raw from your cries and screams of pleasure.

“Who’s making you feel this good, huh?” He grunted in between thrusts, a hand raising to land a furious smack on your ass that caused you to mewl and your tiny fists to grip the sheets.

“Y-You, Sae! You are! Ngh, plea—”

“And who’s cock do you like better, huh, princess? Me or that lukewarm fuckface’s?”

You hesitated, but only for a millisecond, as you felt the blunt head of his cock caressing your sweet spot, pummeling into you over and over as your thighs began to shake, growing unable to hold yourself up from the stimulation. His thrusts faltered as his cock twitched inside of you. You figured he was close too.

“Yours, y-yours! Your cock feels so good, I-I’m gonna cum again! I’m ngh gonna cum all over your f-fuck-ing cock!”

He let out an almost animalistic groan, something between a chuckle and a feral snarl, “Yeah, princess? You really mean it?” He moved one of his hands to your hair, threading his fingers through it without yet pulling, almost as if he were waiting for your response.

Your response was almost instantaneous, and the adorable chorus of incoherent babbles and cries of "yes, yes, yes" left your head spinning. You had the sensation that you might pass out completely.

Your head was abruptly yanked out of the pillows, and your gaze was once again forced upward. Your eyes, albeit blurry and glassy, caught sight of the all-too-familiar figure standing in the doorway. Sweat dribbling from his forehead while dressed in a white windbreaker and sweatpants to protect himself from the elements during his jog, stood the one person who filled you with dread.

Rin.

He was back.

As your eyes locked onto the all-too-memorable teal ones boring into your own, your moans ceased. The logic and reason that you had previously dismissed for giving into your desires came flooding back. Guilt, which had been gnawing at the pit of your stomach, reared it’s ugly head once more.

He caught you.

With his brother.

The realization of your actions, the feeling of knowing that you hurt someone you cared deeply about and promised your life to, left you reeling. The enormity of the situation left you speechless and unable to respond.

As the shock slowly gave way to the depths of your despair, tears welled up in your eyes, this time of anguish. Your ability to control your emotions ran out, and you began to sob, letting the tears run down your cheeks. Each tear that ran free was weighed down by guilt and regret.

All the while, Sae never stopped thrusting behind you. Almost as if he remained unfazed by his brother’s—your boyfriend’s—sudden appearance.

“R-Rin—”

“—Save it.”

His initial shock, disbelief, and hurt gradually gave way to something else. He was angry, searing with anger as malice began to rise within him, a blaze of fury that threatened to consume him. Though he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at . . . Sae?

“You told me you would wait until I got back, Nii-chan.”

The air left your lungs.

. . . What?

Using the grip from your hair, Sae pulled you back into him, pressing your body flush against his own as he craned your neck back into an awkward angle, forcing your gaze to meet his own. A dark and unsettling satisfaction crept into his expression, the corner of his lips tugging into a smirk. His eyes sparkled with a perverse delight, reveling in the twisted pleasure he derived from your adorably bewildered and anguished expression.

Your breath hitched.

Your mind raced for answers.

Sae’s gaze lazily tore from your own and to Rin's, who still remained in the doorway, the forward’s eyes sinfully burning into the way your breasts bounced sinfully from each of Sae’s now slow, agonizing thrusts.

"You know, little brother, it is not too late to join in on the fun."

ⓒ vampiie 2023 — all rights reserved. please do not repost my work outside of tumblr, modify, or translate my work in any form/means. please do not share my work to tiktok or any other site.

if this gets enough attention, i may make a part two!

[makuzume]

Toge Accidentally Uses His Cursed Speech on You (Part 4)

🔅content: Light angst/light comfort; gn!reader; no pronoun mentions

🔅synopsis: It's been 2 days since you last seen Toge... How do you go about this? What are you supposed to do? You wonder how to address the situation at hand...

🔅a/n: "What happened to posting part 4 soon" I ended up scraping the entire part 4 draft and remade it because I didn't like it :'D Thank you everyone for being so patient and putting up w my bs aaa Let me know if you want to be in the tags list and enable ur tagging :3

[JJK Masterlist] [Part 1 & 2] [Part 3]

🔅Word Count: 2.2K

"...Should I... open it...?" You asked yourself quietly, looking down on your phone as you stared at the multiple notifications you received from Toge.

13 missed calls

31 new messegaes

All unopened, all unanswered.

Slowly, you hover your finger over to his chat box, however, you hesitate- quickly shutting off your phone and plopping down on the soft mattress where you sat.

While the rest of the Okkotsu family went out to watch the movies, you decided to stay in the house by yourself. "You should come...! I'm sure it will help lift your spirits." Mrs. Okkotsu offered, to which you kindly declined her offer.

You figured you needed some time to be alone for now, but the lack of presence in the house ended up cauing a deafening silence to fill the halls, creating more opportunities for you to overthink the recent events between you and Toge.

'...I wonder... what did he say...'

'...why am I so scared to read it...?'

Over the past two days, you've been comfortably staying over Yuta's family home in the city. But since Yuta wasn't there at the moment, his parents and sister have been kindly accomodating you the entire time.

You were incredibly embarassed and reluctant to stay over, afraid of becoming only a nuisance to the Okkotsu family, especially since current situation between you and Toge was not at all very dire, just an arguement between two lovers.

Fortunately, Yuta and his mother were understanding and very insistent that you were welcome for as long as you'd like. Afterall, you were also one of Yuta's closest friends.

Trying your best to not cause them too much trouble, you help out with minor chores like the dishes, setting up the table, throwing out the trash- but each time you do so, you were met with gentle scolding.

"We told you to rest! You're still very hurt!"

"No no no, you're a guest, put that down!"

"We are not letting you wash the plates. Go back to bed and lie down for a nap! We'll bring you some snacks later."

"Nonsense! You are not a burden! You are a good friend of Yuta, and he asked us to take care of you, so sit down and don't worry about us."

Though that did seem to reduce the amount of guilt you felt, you were still rather embarassed for staying over someone else's family home just to hide from an ongoing dispute with Toge. So, you figured you shouldn't overstay your welcome, at least.

You look at your phone once again, staring at Toge's contact name as you remember your last encounter with him.

Staring at the ceiling above, you allow the memories from the incident flood your mind once more- remembering the sorrow, the pain, the sadness....

The entire time you knew Toge, he had always felt like the safest person to be around with, and you trusted him more than anyone- be it about your safety or your feelings. Naturally, the shock from accidentally getting cursed would shaken you up quite a lot.

You were badly hurt, both physically and emotionally.

And even for a short moment, you even felt afraid of him for the first time.

A feeling you knew would devastate him if he knew.

As shy as you were to admit it, all you did the entire day after the incident was quiety cry inside the guest bedroom in Yuta's home.

You can say that you rather had mixed feelings about the whole thing. Not a moment has passed in which you weren't thinking about it.

At first, it was shock, then fear, followed by pain before sadness, eventually leading to worry- the feeling you were experiencing right now.

Why 'worry'? You think to yourself, curious as to why there was this sense of longing to see him despite the accident.

It was a strange feeling in your chest. Most certainly, you were still very much upset and hurt about what he had done to you, but still-

"...I wonder how he must feel right now..." You hug the pillow nearest to you closer to your chest, unable to stray away the concern you felt for him.

Perhaps it was the way he looked at you the moment he misused his speech on you. The way Toge's eyes expressed so much shock, the way his voice was filled with so much guilt and fear... You have never seen him act in such a way before, especially considering the fact that he was always the more calm and composed one between the two of you.

You couldn't get the desperate tone of his voice out of your head, and you frequently find yourself vividly remembering the panicked expression he displayed on his face.

"...He must be worried..." You whisper to the pillow you held tightly, your eyelids closing as you replay the events of the accident.

More than anyone, you understood him the most, and you knew that this must be really messing up his mind right now.

It was one of his deepest fears, hurting someome he loves unintentionally with his speech, and you knew how deep this sort of wound would cut him on the inside.

More so, there was also the fact that Toge had personally witnessed the tragic events that happened to his allies in Shibuya... not to mention the fact that he had also been heavily pinning the blame on himself for the death of innocent civilians' lives.... lives which he felt responsible of protecting, all because he led them to take shelter to the same area Sukuna had unleashed his Malevolent Shrine.

'Truly...' you thought.

'this must be really messing up his mind right now....'

You turn over to your side, eyes staring blankly into the empty air in front of you.

"...He was distant and acting different from what happened in Shibuya afterall... I know he didn't mean to hurt me..." you whispered quietly, trying to think of how to address the situation.

You sat up, your hand firmly grasping your phone, a hesitant but concerned tone evident in your voice "I... don't want to make him feel any worse than he already does..."

Without a doubt, Toge was always so good to you. So protective, so understanding, so kind, so loving...

He was always there for you at your lowest points... and you never even had the chance to return such comfort to him before, so you think to yourself:

'...it's my turn.'

Your previous attempt to aid his sorrow didn't end up so well, but that's why you were willing to try again; To try again for him.

He probably hasn't been consoled ever since the incindent in Shibuya either. You, Panda, Yuta, or even Maki hadn't heard from him the entire time, and that's considering that all of you are his closest friends.

You ponder about it, and then you realize he probably wouldn't have ended up hurting you by accident or behaving so distant towards everyone if he had just allowed himself to be comforted- to be held and be told 'it's okay.'

...And you couldn't help but want to be that person who does that for him.

The more you thought about this, the more you wanted to see him.

You already released all the shock, hurt, and sadness for the past few days through a few weeping sessions in the small guest room before, and you think it's about time to come out of hiding.

You try to gain back your composure.

"...I wonder where he is... I hope... he's not pushing himself." You glance at your wallpaper, looking at a picture of Toge holding up a silly little peace sign while he sat next to a cute little dog you randomly met on the street.

You couldn't help but chuckle softly for a moment, then, your smile slowly fades back to form a serious expression on your face.

You miss the smile in his eyes like in the photo.

The idea of him in such sadness, worry, and pain ended up hurting you just as much as well.

"...I should talk to him."

So, you unlock your phone, open messages, and look for his contact name once again.

His contact nickname and his silly little photo appear.

'Bonito Flakes'

"...There."

Just when you were about to tap his name, you paused.

"Uh... wait... what should I say...?"

You pull back your thumb from the screen, suddenly having a bit of a panic on how to address the situation.

"..How do I reach out to him...? What... did he text me..? Is he upset with me? Is he looking for me...?"

His last text was from yesterday night, so you weren't sure what should be the best mood to approach him at this moment.

Just then, as if fate had timed this moment perfectly, a notification suddenly pops up on the top of your screen.

1 new message from Bonito Flakes

You gasped, completely taken aback from seeing his name.

'Wait... I'm not ready...!!'

You panicked slightly, causing you to drop your phone on the hard wood floor by accident, a loud thump echoing throughout the room. Fortunately, the Okkotsu family still hasn't returned from their outing yet, otherwise, you'd give them another reason to be worried about you.

You sigh, picking it back up as you lightly shook your head to gain back your composure.

As you check your sceen, you see another text from Toge come in.

Then another.

And another.

It made you slightly nervous but curious as to what his multiple texts were saying right now, and it sort of made you even more worried to know what he sent.

Is he sad? Does he need you? Is he just reaching out? Is he leaving the school? Does he want to distance himself from you?

"I'll... wait a little..."

Ultimately, you decided to let him finish sending his messages before you view it.

He sent quite a handful of texts, and it took a while before the messages stopped coming in. But just to be sure, you waited for a few minutes in case he had any late follow ups.

"I'll.... wait a little more..." You whisper to yourself as you stare at the phone in front of you, hoping to view his messages during a time when he's offline- You just wanted to make sure there was enough time for you to process and react to his texts without the pressure of him waiting for your response.

But the green dot next to his profile picture was still lit up, meaning, that he would be able to immediately see your replies the moment you send it.

But you would prefer he only sees it AFTER you're done sending your responses.

Sighing heavily, you whisper once more '...I guess I'll wait again...'

You check again after a few minutes, it was still green. So you wait again.

More time had passed but still- the green dot remained.

You wait again.

It was all you could think about for the past few hours as you move back and forth from checking your phone to lying down, staring into nothing...

Untul finally, at hour three, the green dot turns dim.

And with that, you were left with no excuse to delay opening your inbox any longer. "...alright... here we go.... I guess..."

With a hefty sigh and a single tap of your finger, you open his inbox.

Your eyes widened suddenly, immediate shock at the realization.

With a quickened pace, you hurridly limped towards the nearest window, the cast on your leg creating a slight scratching sound as you drag it across the floor.

Pulling away the curtains, you scan the street below in search for the white haired boy.

You squint your eyes slightly, trying to adjust your eyes to the darkness of the night.

Then, you see him.

"He... he's still there...?"

On the opposite side of the street, there sat Toge on the small pavement across from Yuta's house.

His head rested on his arm and his head hung low, perhaps taking a bit of a nap as he waited for your reply.

A wave of guilt suddenly washes over you as you realize how long you've made him wait out in the cold for a single reply.

You text him.

Toge???? Why did you wait for me?

You look drenched, what happened???

How long have you been there???

But your messages didn't seem to get through, not showing a mark of it being delivered.

"His phone battery must've died...."

Instictively, you hurried out the room with a more detemined expression, carefully treading the stairs with your injured leg, and rushed out the door.

Unintentionally, the noise of opening the door a little too quickly echoed across the dead silent street, casuing Toge to immediately jolt himself awake.

He made eye contact with you while he remained seated across the street, shocked at your sudden appearance.

Embarassed for startling him, you slightly lose your confidence and shy away from his gaze, a small lump in your throat preventing you from voicing out any words.

Toge stood up slowly, his eyes widen but his chest beated out of nervousness.

He doesn't expect anything positve, but still, he remained hopeful, as much as he felt like he didn't deserve you.

"...um...." you started, hoping to break the akward silence that filled the air.

"...I-...."

"....."

"....p-...please, come in...."

....

[Back to JJK Masterlist] [Part 1 & 2] [Part 3] [Part 5]

a/n: So happy I finally finished this :')))))))) Shoutout to anon that poked me abt this that genuinely helped me lolol I just really needed a little push to finish this

NOTE classes are back ^^ and I'm doing some part-time comms sooo I'll be a lil busy but ofc I won't abandon this I luv this series <3

Credits to @makuzume on Tumblr || Do not steal, translate, modify, reupload my works on any platform.

tags list: @zhenyuuu @cowcreamers @mushroommorgue @yunho-leeknow @lemonnotade @exodiam @an-ever-angry-bi @cirieria @chifuyufirstwife @strxbxrrylover @sturns55

[nagaytoe]

ULLAGONE

Solivan Brugmansia X Reader

TWs/tags: Sol x reader, Crowe dies, murder, drugging, grief, mentions of guilt

@5herryx here it is! :D

Disclaimer: This is my first oneshot fully written in english (english isn't my native language) and published, if you guys have any advice feel free to tell me :D

This oneshot was inspired by @kierandayern post ( https://www.tumblr.com/kierandayern/762316734455791616/bad-end-pt1-you-cannot-decide-whether-or-not?source=share / check out their art, its amazing! :3)

---------------------------------------------------

Word count: 1,869

Ullagone

(Noun) [irish] 'a cry of sorrow'

This was not how you expected your evening to go.

Just an hour ago you were eating dinner with your boyfriend, Jericho Ichabod. It was your first date as an official couple and you two decided to do something fancy.

Now his lifeless body is laying at your feet.

As you stare down at it in shock, you remain frozen in fear, not knowing whether running would help you in this situation or not, considering someone with a knife in his hand is blocking your way.

“I can finally have you all to myself…”

You recognize that voice but fail to place it due to the stressful situation you're currently in and the mask he is wearing, covering the lower half of his face. The figure in front of you is tall and clad in all black. The darkness of the alley certainly is no help in distinguishing his features.

The figure steps closer to you and over Crowe's body, like he wasn't a living and breathing human being mere minutes ago, but rather a pile of trash, blocking the attackers' way to you.

You instinctively back away, with each step he takes forward you take one back, leading to you being backed into a corner.

“[____], please, don't be afraid.” He's careful in his approach, almost as if you're a scared bunny he's trying to pick up and comfort. His right hand extends forward in a calming gesture as he keeps it low, his palm facing downwards.

“Stay away!” you croak out and up until now, you didn't even notice the tears streaming down your face. Since when were you crying?

“[____]...” he stops in his tracks, looking at you. What was he thinking about? The easiest way to knock you out? The most gruesome way to kill you? The best way to kidnap you? Now that you think about it, how did he even know your name?

“Why can't you see that I did it for you? That lowly scum… if you knew who his father is…” his voice turns from comforting to aggressive in the blink of an eye. He takes a deep breath before he continues, this time in a softer voice “I'm just trying to protect you…is that so wrong?”

You look up at him, a mix of emotions evident on your face: Sadness, Fear, Anger and now confusion as well. He can't be serious, can he? There's no way he truly thinks that there is nothing wrong with killing innocent people just for the sake of 'protection’ , not that you needed any protection from Crowe to begin with.

“I know you're confused, maybe even scared, but I have my reasons, you know?” he says as he steps closer.

“Don’t come any closer!” You yell and press yourself against the wall behind you in a feeble attempt to create more space between the two of you for the time being, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“Hey…I would never harm you…” The man in front of you almost sounds vulnerable, hurt even. In the back of the alley there is a dimly lit wall lamp, but it provides enough light to enable you to make out some of his features. His vermillion eyes stare intensely at you and long, black hair with green highlights peeks out from underneath his hood and frames his face…

Realization hits you like a train, your knees giving out underneath you as you slouch against the wall, hands moving up to cover your mouth in shock. Even more tears stream down your face now. How is Sol Crowe's murderer? This can't be real, Sol was always so nice and helpful, he would never harm and especially not kill another person without reason.

“Sol?” You sob, hoping immensely he won't feel addressed.

“[____]...” he whispers and hooks a finger under his mask, pulling it down and revealing the rest of his face. Safe to say, this was not the answer you were hoping for. You were hoping that this was someone who looks similar to him or maybe that this all is a bad dream or a really bad joke, but it wasn't. Sol's face looked back at you with his all too familiar warm smile.

You sink to the ground and cover your face with your hands, crying your eyes out.

Sol steps closer and crouches down in front of you.

“Please understand, I didn't do this with the intention of hurting your feelings, it's just…. I couldn't sit around any longer and watch him take what's mine” he gently puts his left hand on the side of your right calf, slowly stroking up and down in a comforting manner, smile still evident on his face.

You pull your legs closer to your chest in a weak attempt to shake him off, but to no avail - his hand keeps its position on your calf.

“Get away from me”, you manage to croak out in between sobs. Sol frowns at that, “I know you're scared but please believe me when I tell you that I would never harm you. Unless, of course, you leave me no other choice” he declares this as if it's the most normal thing in the world one could state, as if it doesn't make you freak out internally, especially since he killed a man mere minutes prior.

“Go away!” You yell at him, but he seems unfazed, “You know i won't do that, pumpkin”

You look at him, not knowing what to do. Your eyes are red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears and lips swollen, but despite the situation you two are in, Sol still looks at you with the same affectionate expression he always has. Up until now, you failed to notice it, maybe it wasn't even there before, but there was something dark, something possessive, gleaming in his eyes while looking at you like that.

You are not sure whether to run away or not, but staying here isn't really an option either. Gathering all your strength and courage you push Sol away with as much force as possible and quickly get up. You attempt to start running but don't get far as Sol twists around to grab your ankle, causing you to fall to the ground. It seems as though Sol wasn't exactly pushed to the ground, but rather caught off-guard and thrown off balance a little, unfortunately for you.

“Where do you think you're going?” He sounds irritated now.

You turn on your side and try kicking him with your other leg, but to no avail. Sol is quick to grab your other leg as well, now holding onto both of your ankles while you awkwardly lay on your side.

“[____]...” he says your name in a growling, almost threatening, way as you look at him with wide, scared eyes. Perhaps you actually are like a bunny in this situation, you sure feel like one at least. A bunny which has been caught in a trap and now has to fight for its life.

Sol pulls you closer to him and starts crawling on top of you, placing one of his legs atop of yours to restrain you from fleeing. You thrash underneath him but it's no use, his weight presses your legs down and he grabs ahold of your wrists, effectively pinning you underneath him.

“Don't make this harder than it has to be, [____]” ,Sol growls out, visibly agitated.

You cry bitterly, overwhelmed with the situation. You must be dreaming, there's no other way, no other explanation. Sol, your best friend Solivan, would never kill another human being.

“Why?” You cry out in between sobs, barely audible.

“Why? You're asking me why I killed that low-life?” he leans in closer, studying your face intently.

“He took something from me. The one good thing in my life was taken from me and claimed by someone else, someone who doesn't deserve an angel such as yourself. Don't worry though, pumpkin, he won't be a bother any longer.”

Sol nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck, muttering “Of course, if only you had chosen me over him right from the start it wouldn't have come this far… but it doesn't matter now anyways, it's just the two of us now, my dearest soulmate”

You can't seem to stop crying as you keep shaking your head. He was completely demented, Crowe is – was – an amazing person, a friend who always listened and comforted you whenever you needed it most and a loving boyfriend on top of that. He didn't deserve to die. Was it your fault? If only you hadn't been with him, if it wasn't for you he'd still be alive. Now his parents have to bury their son, his friends have to mourn the loss of their beloved friend, all because you were so utterly selfish. You had noticed Solivans interest in you, but chose to ignore it, you thought you were just imagining it, but it was as clear as day. Crowe was dead because of your negligence.

“Hey, no need to cry… I need you to calm down a little, alright? You're shaken up and freezing cold, we should get you home…”

Sol kisses away the tears running down your cheeks, causing you to move your head to the side. Sol frowns at that, moving both your wrists into his left hand and his right hand rising up to your left cheek, lovingly caressing it.

“Let me go…” you choke out amidst sobs, wiggling in his grasp, though this only causes the grip he has on your wrists to tighten.

“I love you. Do you understand that? I love you and won't ever leave you. I won't let you go, pumpkin, I'm here to protect you.”

Sol removes his hand from your cheek and reaches into his back pocket.

“If you refuse to acknowledge that then I will have to make you understand. But don't worry, we have more than enough time for that.”

He pulls out a small syringe, filled with some liquid. You struggle even more in his grasp, eyes blown wide.

“Sol, no no no, please, please don't do this. You… You're my best friend, please don't hurt me, Sol…” you cry out, scared to death. Will this kill you? At least it would be a painless death and you'd be reunited with your star-crossed lover yet again. Though something inside of you tells you that he won't release you from this situation any time in the near future.

Sol's face softens as he studies your scared face. “Shh, no need to be scared, pumpkin. All this will do is calm you down and make you sleep for some time. Remember, I won't cause you any harm, all you need to do is stay still”

He inserts the needle in the side of your neck and pushes down on the plunger, the contents of the syringe injected into your muscle. You grow dizzy rather quickly, your attempts at fighting growing weaker until they cease altogether and your body grows limp. The last thing you take note of is Sol kissing your forehead and whispering something incoherent before your world fades to black.

[sapphic-agent]

One thing I didn't touch on in my Book 3 Aang analysis was that an important part of his character development was just dropped out of nowhere. I'm of course talking about him letting go of Katara.

I didn't notice it before, but this was such a strange decision to make looking back. Because watching both The Guru, it's heavily implied- if not outright told to us- that in order to not only be the Avatar the world needs, but to heal and grow, he needs to let her go.

You have indeed felt a great loss. But love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. The Air Nomads' love for you has not left this world. It is still inside of your heart, and is reborn in the form of new love.

This is pretty blatantly telling us that Aang's love for Katara comes from the loss of his people. He, upon realizing that he was alone, attached himself to the first person to care for him. The first person to embrace him in one hundred years. He's projecting the love he had for the Air Nomads onto her. And while understandable given the circumstances, that isn't healthy. Aang's attachment to Katara comes from feelings of grief as well as physical attraction, which is a... Bad combination.

(And before anyone says it, no I don't think that's the only way he cares for her. But I do think even their platonic relationship is tainted by not only this, but everyone around them enabling Aang. So many people told him that he just needed to wait and she would come around, that he was the Avatar so of course she would- Avatar Roku I am in your walls- not one person told him to be ready to accept rejection. Not one person told him to respect and be mindful of her boundaries. Are we surprised he did what he did in DOBS and EIP?)

"The Thought Chakra is located at the crown of the head. It deals with pure cosmic energy, and is blocked by earthly attachment. Meditate on what attaches you to this world. Now, let all of those attachments go. Let them flow down the river, forgotten."

I did actually mention this briefly in my Book 3 post, but I sincerely doubt Guru Pathik is telling him he can't love. Roku, Kyoshi, and Korra all found love and they had complete control over their Avatar States (Korra was at her most balanced when she got together with Asami btw). Letting go doesn't mean Aang can't love.

Appa, someone Aang loves more than anything, doesn't appear in this vision. Neither does Sokka, Momo, or Toph. Just Katara.

His attachment to Katara is what's holding him back. Because it's unhealthy, and it's keeping him anchored down. This isn't just about the Avatar State, it's about healing the turmoil in himself. He cannot do that if he doesn't let her go.

(This behavior is even escalated in LOK. Only instead of Katara, he attached himself to Tenzin. Tenzin being an Airbender gave Aang credence to project his love for the Air Nomads onto him. Not only did he then neglect Kya and Bumi because of it, I would also argue that he did a good amount of damage to Tenzin himself. Being put on a pedestal like that by a parent is so harmful)

The fact that none of this is even mentioned in Book 3 doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It was an important part of Aang's development and integral for his growth and healing

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

What's Silja's story and her relationship with Heimdall?

Ah yes! I've mustered up a story for Heimdall and Silja inside my mind, so here goes! (This is gonna be a long post lol I'm gonna pour it all here)

🔮Some Heimdall x Silja Lore! 🌌

oh and their theme song is 'Circles' by EDEN 👁️👁️

Silja was born in the times when Freyr ruled over Alfheim. As Freyr was away a lot because of the conflicts with the Aesir and Freya, Freyr and the elves decided to 'create' a being which can hold the balance and peace between the light and dark elves. Freyr merged a piece of himself with the Light of Alfheim. From there, Silja was born/created. So Freyr is kind of her father.

Silja is the goddess of memory and remembrance, as her eyes were imbued with the Light of Alfheim itself, enabling her to see everyone's past. She was raised as a princess by the elves, but she's pretty much a trophy goddess who holds the peace in Alfheim when Freyr disappeared after Odin and Freya married.

In truth, Silja became bitter and judgemental as well from her hindsight powers. She could see the elves' pasts, even when they don't remember. She's always in Alfheim, and so she desires adventures more than anything - freedom.

During the time of Odin and Freya's marriage, Silja often comes to Asgard as an ambassador of Alfheim for diplomatic reasons. That's when she finds her joy, a chance to get out of Alfheim to visit other realms. And that, was where she met Heimdall.

(YES THEY'RE COUSINS) (BUT NOT REALLY OKAY) (Heimdall had 9 mothers while Silja is born from the Light) (God that sounds so bizarre HAHAHAH)

Heimdall can see her thoughts, while Silja can also see his past. For once in their lives, they met a similar person. They quickly become the Judgy Friends™.

One day, because she could fly (another gift from the Elves) she took Heimdall away from the wall and took him strolling along other realms, showing him that the other realms are beautiful as fuck as well.

When Odin knew that Heimdall had left his post in the wall, Odin became furious and disappointed, telling him how would he entrust Gjallarhorn with him if he left his post like this.

Heimdall (with his Odin's manipulation tactics) grew distant and pushed Silja away. With Freya's banishing from Asgard and locked away from other realms, she had to stay in Alfheim to keep the Light and Dark Elves from fighting again.

Without her father figure and her only friend, Silja, who desired freedom from her responsibilities as a trophy goddess, ran away from Alfheim, which left the realm in a state of war once again. She didn't care anymore.

>>> BOOM God of War (2018) <<<<

Silja roams the Midgard and Niðavellir, helping people with her powers of memory and remembrance, learning not to judge, but also how to empathize. At first she was still judgemental about the weakness of a powerlessness human and dwarves, but from her adventures, she learned to empathize, and helping tortured souls come to terms with their pasts.

She spent most of her time roaming Midgard, but after the death of Baldur and Fimbulwinter came down upon the nine realms, she had to go back and check on Alfheim. Finding it in chaos and dead bodies of Elves are everywhere, Silja sneaked towards the Light of Alfheim, and saw a glimpse of Kratos going inside the Light.

>>> BOOM God of War Ragnarok (2022) <<<

Still helping the Midgardians surviving harsh winters, and with her seeing the pillar of thunder-ice, Silja encoutered Kratos, Atreus, and Mimir in a fight against trolls and draugrs. Mimir introduced Silja to the father-son duo.

(The way Silja was SHOCKED when she saw Kratos' past tho...)

Kratos thought that Silja mean harm to them since they killed a lot of Elves, but turned out she paid it no mind, since they won't stop warring even if the sun lights upon Helheim.

They part ways, but Atreus bumps onto Silja in his adventures with Sindri, begging her not to tell his father. Silja being the naughty goddess she is, promises Atreus not to tell Kratos.

When Kratos and Atreus brings back Tyr to Sindri's house, Silja was left flabbergasted, because she couldn't see Tyr's past at all. It was weird, because back in the days, She could see Týr's past well enough as the others. However, Mimir suggested it might be one of the many consequences of Odin's tortures.

When Kratos and Atreus' relationship grows tense, she chooses to stay silent, because Silja understands what Atreus feels. When Atreus stormed out of Sindri's house and ran to Asgard, Kratos and Freya was worried shitless about Atreus going to Asgard, so Silja offered to follow Atreus, saying she'll make sure Atreus doesn't do anything too stupid.

Plus, she knows that the first person Atreus will meet in Asgard is him. Someone needs to protect Atreus from his antiques.

Time to visit a long-lost friend 😉

---

Colored version of Silja's early design (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠)

[footballffbarbiex]

Repeat After Me.

Okay I'm breaking the norm a little bit here, but I've wanted to do something nice for my doll @mvybanks for a while and tonight feels like a good time to do it.

If this is awful, lets just pretend I never posted it while I fake my own death, flee the country and we'll all just move on yeah?

There's probably mistakes as it's not been BETA'd but I'll die on my typo hill and that's that.

_

“Stop it,” your boyfriend’s voice pulls you from your thoughts but it’s the tone of it which makes you instinctively turn your head to look at him. It’s soft yet commanding. 

He’s sat propped up by a small pile of plush cushions behind him on the couch. One knee is drawn up to enable him to rest his book against his thigh while his arm is extended and rests over the knee. His beanie is pulled down, allowing a few unruly curls to flick out from beneath it. His tongue flicks a toothpick from side to side between his lips. 

He’s not even looking at you and for a moment or two, you’re both sitting in silence with you beginning to wonder if you had imagined him speaking. Furrowing your brow, you begin to bring your attention back to your phone but not before you catch his face turning ever so slightly to look your way. 

“I mean it.” He says. 

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re getting in your head again. Stop it.”

The temptation to huff and deny it is overwhelming but the last time you’d done this, he’d reprimanded you for not using your words to express how you were feeling and insisted on spending as long as it took between the sheets until you were capable of both saying how you felt and losing every thought that could form. In a way, some part of you wished that he’d take you back to bed and made it so that you didn’t have to think. Didn’t have to do anything other than be made to feel incredible and reciprocate it. 

“Do I need to come over there?” He asks, folding the corner of the page and closes it, ignoring the way you wince at the action. You’d left enough notes scribbled over pages of books while taking notes for your course to become desensitised by this, but to see it creased? That was something else. 

“Why? So that you can give me an up close and personal talk about how stressing over my answers now won’t change the result and I’m moping around for nothing?”

JJ discards the book and climbs from the couch, not stopping his movements until he’s not only in front of you but pushing your knees apart and covering your body with his own. His nose rubs against yours lightly, lips brushing over the curve of your own. “Are you going to stop?”

“No.” You say stubbornly. 

“No?” He repeats, eyebrow arching as he adjusts his weight to get into a better position. 

“No.” 

“Oh baby, what am I going to do with you?” he asks, more to himself than needing a reply from you. 

You open your mouth to give him one regardless but before you can do so, his lips are back on yours. He starts off soft, light kisses pressed to your lips, slowly building you up until your mouth parts and his tongue meets yours. Even then, he takes his time being ever so careful not to rush it. 

One hand clutches at his clothing, while the other one snakes up between his shoulder blades until your fingertips reach his beanie. It’s tugged from his head, only so that you can fill your hand with the softness of his hair. When JJ nibbles at your bottom lip, you give his hair a quick tug and feel the way he bucks his hips to yours. 

“Tell me you’ll stop stressing.” he mutters, barely allowing his lips to leave yours to form the words. 

“I’ll try.” You reply hurriedly. 

“No, I want you to say it.” He instructs, breaking the kiss to look down at you. There’s nothing he likes more than seeing you all flustered, with enlarged pupils and slightly swollen lips from kissing.

“Don’t play JJ. I thought you wanted to help.” Your tone is almost whiny. It should make you feel ashamed but you’re not. 

“I’m trying to. So,” He begins, hips grinding against you in a circular motion while his fingers stroke over your heated cheeks. His thumb traces over where his lips were only moments ago before dipping beneath your jaw and over as much of your throat as he can reach. “Repeat after me, I’ll stop stressing.”

“I’ll stop stressing.” you say obediently, swallowing hard when he smirks down at you.

“I’ll stop thinking about what I could have done better.”

When you groan with frustration at what he’s asking you to do. “Do I ha-”

“Yes. Unless you want me to stop?” He teases, dipping his head to your neck and you feel his mouth connect with your skin. Soft lips dragging over your pulse point, peppering the area with kisses, trailing them down to your shoulder where he playfully nips at the skin - knowing how shy you get about the idea of having a hickey in such a visible place.  

“I’ll stop thinking about what I could have done better.” You repeat and feel the way his teeth bare against you as he grins. 

“That’s my girl.”

[lactoseintolerentswag]

when they've got interpreting spiderman noir under a specific cultural lens at the function [picture of me going insane]

I cant help myself.. what can i say. And since you've mentioned some research going on behind the scenes.. do you have any fun interpretations? Or even anything fun about the 1800s!

OH HI

Hm. I don't have anything as fun as historical dancing, but I suppose this does give me the excuse (thabk u) to blab about Noir's childishness.

(wow putting this under the cut bc it got longer than I thought it would LMAO)

I think what a lot of people (including Noir's contemporary writers and yes even the spiderverse interpretation) fall for when trying to read Noir's character is the imitation of his idea of what an adult is, that he hides behind. Like Noir's persona is incredibly exaggerated. He's playing pretend. Look here, he's practicing.

A lot of his persona as Noir is imitation! Imitation of his uncle, of Urich, of the violence he's been exposed to. He's running around in his uncle's old uniform. Fundamentally misunderstanding WHY his uncle had been ashamed of it and his role in the war.

And then he goes ahead and steals Urich's alias because it sounds Cool (which is such a teenage thing to do jesus christ).

But like that imitation of The Adult isn't something that's limited to that exaggerated persona that Noir encapsulates. Peter himself is trying So Hard to be grown up and tough and responsible that it loops back around to him being a brat who would try the three guys in a trench coat trick. He even gets beat up for it when trying to defend his aunt. And I mean I've posted about him being a brat.

About how he looks at Urich as a Prime Example of what a strong and knowledgeable adult is (which is part of why he reacts so volatile in response to Urich showing he's not exactly as morally righteous as himself, he's wounded and let down). Whiskey? Whiskey sounds like someone Mature and Cool would drink, I'll have it too. And then proceeds to throw his drink at Osborn and laugh about it. The illusion was broken for me then.

But well it's not broken for everyone. I mean like obviously I poked at the contemporary writers, but I'm more talking about the other characters in the narrative. Mainly Urich and Felicia.

Urich taking Peter under his wing isn't entirely under the motivation to nurture Peter. I think it Becomes that, but he's really envious of that kid. He wants to see him lose that hope that he once had (ruh roh the opposite thing happened, being around the kid made YOU more hopeful Ben. Guess you gotta be good. Hope you don't die now).

Urich really is exposing him to an extremely harsh reality, and taking him places where adults are typically only allowed. He's letting Peter get a glimpse into what it's like, which will eventually enable Noir's tool of violence. All these tests will accumulate into what Peter thinks someone powerful and strong can be and do.

Then his problematic relationship with Felicia (writers I'm malleting you for this). He's clinging to her adulthood and the safety she represents, and he's young but she sees some adult strength in him. I mean she trusts him with the blackmail Urich gave her, which she really. Shouldn't, even if that's what Urich wanted.

Anyway, strength is something she's been consistently drawn to her in her partners. Strength to feel as her own. Even if it's to hers and others' detriment. There's also a part of Peter that's drawn to Felicia because Urich was. He's still honing in the good parts of Urich he wants to be.

I think the one person in the narrative who doesn't fall for it? Is Aunt May. You could argue it's just her being naturally motherly, but for someone who was about to be eaten alive she's pretty frank with Noir. I think she can see that that violence and exaggerated grittiness comes from someone inexperienced and young. Even if she can't consciously recognize the similarities between Noir's persona and Peter's protectiveness of her. I don't think she wants to see that. I actually have a short comic script about that, but it probably will never see the light of day.

Ugh he's like a cat puffing up to scare away a predator. It's fake!!!!! It's all fake!!!!!! He gets intimidated by JJ, he never ties his shoes, gets powers and then immediately guns to beat the shit out of Osborn, sings about the sandman when he's getting his face bashed in, crawls to Felicia all pathetic and sad, and he made a costume to run over roofs at night in.

And it's funny how he's forcing himself to grow up, but also really sad because all the things he's being exposed to is already forcing him to grow up. He's witnessing things no kid should ever see or experience.

Then there's the time period to consider. The aftermath of WWI, being in the midst of the Great Depression, and WWII just around the corner. He's faced incredible hardship and is going to continue to face so much hardship, and he's going to mature faster than he ever should have. It should have made him crash and burn Hard when he became an adult, and to me he still does because I'm ignoring everyone after ewaof LMAO.

As for my research on the 1800s NY that's for my own spider iteration run I'm working on, so not too related to Noir until I reach the 30's :3

Hope that was satisfying!!

[maxdibert]

Hello, I've been following you for some time and I love your posts and analyzes about Severus, I regularly update your blog hoping for more and I always wanted to send you something, but I never had the opportunity.

But recently I saw a video on TikTok, which I didn't pay much attention to, but I saw the comments and one of them talked about how if Harry was a woman and looked like Lily, Severus would be a pedophile and that that gave people the creeps. And I, personally, find this statement very funny, because as far as I remember, Snape never had inappropriate contact with any Hogwarts student, or with anyone, in fact. But people intentionally forget that the only person who had the opening to do this was Peter Pettigrew. Ron himself said that they slept together and, probably, Peter saw the boys, literal children, changing their clothes, but, obviously, it would be Snape who was the child predator.

Sorry if it wasn't very understandable, English isn't my first language and I'm using Google to help.

Hi! Thank you. I'm glad you like my rants and sometimes nonense lol

About your pint... Well, this is a very old story. If I had a penny for every time I’ve read someone spouting this nonsense, I wouldn’t be rich, but I’d have enough for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. It’s so absurd that I don’t even think it’s worth refuting, but just to clarify a few things:

Severus resents Harry for two main reasons, and neither of them has to do with being in love with Lily. It’s not something as childish as “uh, my crush married someone else.” No, there are several layers to it.

The first and most obvious is that, unfortunately, Harry is the spitting image of his father, who, unfortunately, was a jerk who spent his school years torturing people—specifically, and with great enthusiasm: Severus Snape. James spent seven years hunting him down and attacking him for sport, backed by his loyal ally Sirius Black and supported by his lackeys, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. While the latter two might not have physically assaulted Severus, they were there as enablers and complicit bystanders. Four against one, at the end of the day.

Severus never had the chance to heal from that abuse because, at 21, he was forced to return to the very place that had been hell for him. He had to teach students who were likely old enough to have witnessed some of those humiliations during his time as a student. A victim cannot heal in the place where they were consistently harmed.

Then Harry comes along, looking like an exact replica of James, and every time Severus sees him, it triggers him immensely. When he looks at Harry, he doesn’t see Lily’s son, nor does he see a child—he sees his abuser. And we all know Harry isn’t to blame for any of this, but the thing is, we can’t expect someone who isn’t acting rationally to be rational. Especially when we’re talking about someone who desperately needs therapy and probably medication, neither of which he’s ever had access to.

Then there’s another factor—a deeply emotional one—which is that Harry’s very existence is a painful reminder of Severus’s own role in Lily’s death. The fact that this kid is there, an orphan, is a constant reminder that Severus overheard a prophecy, reported it to Voldemort, and that Voldemort then chose to kill the most important person in Severus’s life because of it. It’s a perpetual mix of anger and guilt.

Looking at Harry forces Severus to relive his past as a victim, his most humiliating moments, as well as the terrible decisions he made because of them and their devastating consequences. This doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it does explain it quite well.

What I’m trying to say is that the reasons behind how he treats Harry are deeply tied to trauma. If Harry were a girl and resembled Lily, Severus would still feel deeply triggered every time he saw her. The only difference would be that instead of seeing James in her, he’d see Lily. I think, rather than anger, it would fill him with depression and guilt to such a degree that, instead of antagonizing her, he’d try to avoid her as much as possible. He wouldn’t want to get within ten miles of her because seeing her face would constantly remind him of the person he failed and indirectly condemned.

At no point do I imagine anything even remotely sexual crossing his mind. Especially when you consider that Severus never once confessed his feelings to Lily or behaved inappropriately toward her. I do think he’d act “softer,” but not because of her appearance specifically—more because Severus is always gentler toward women. I mentioned this in another post, but his more cordial relationships are almost always with female characters, and when he’s cruel, it’s typically far worse with men than with women.

People who lack even the most basic comprehension or analytical skills… Honestly, if they’re going to hate on him, the least they could do is come up with more convincing arguments. Sometimes it’s just exhausting to explain why their theories don’t make any sense.

[froggieco]

Some controversial thoughts about the Peachyville Horror

I've been seeing how everyone is reacting to Francis's moment in the bathroom in this latest episode (episode 7) and I thought I might as well add one more.

Francis is someone who is mentally unstable, yes. I think this is something we can all agree with. He's surrounded by people who seem to either enable his actions in one way or another or they're on a list of people he keeps which we can only assume is something like a hit list. He's been looked down on by his parents, bullied by his peers, and generally just beat down by everyone around him including himself at this point. Then he won that trophy. That's where everything shifts. He's the one to take it home and it's obvious that by how Will was describing that trophy, something about it had negative energy.

⚠️Now I get into some gory details in this next part so fair warning ⚠️

Now, Francis had his dream and suddenly became violent to an extent that he would joke about it and people would feel threatened. Relistening to episode 5, he threatened a man after scooping his eyes out with an ice cream scoop by kicking him in the balls and then grabbing his eyeballs and threatening to squeeze them. Now, I get it this is a horror comedy podcast but if we are gonna analyze a character I'm taking everything into account and really this is the first and really an extremely violent thing for a person to do, especially when this is the first actions he's been known to take.

Getting the gun and instantly he seemed to know exactly what he "needed" to do. On a dime, the Francis we knew just a few episodes ago was already so different.

Now that brings us to the bathroom scene. People have been saying it was a mental "snap" or "break" which doesn't line up, like how most others have pointed out that this was something that was premeditated. He planned out this whole thing and followed through with it. And to those who think he did this so Shane wouldn't bother him anymore, he didn't see Francis at all through the whole attack, which yes, Francis could go back and claim he did it but I still this it's important to note we don't know if Shane will believe him.

That being said, with every increasingly violent act that Francis had done up to that point it made sense within the confines of his world. It was in his character that things have played out this way so far. And really I think it's going to make for a really interesting character arc. He isn't going to to be a character that we have seen before, which when we just had a season of teens that were just coming into themselves Anthony is getting his chance to get his character in, and it is a horror series. This doesn't make any of the actions acceptable by any means and this should not encourage people to romanticize any of the actions he does. There is a way to like a character and not romanticize their actions, some of these posts remind me of posts of people romanticizing real murderers and shooters, which is rather disturbing.

TLDR

Francis suddenly got violent after bringing the trophy home, having a dream after being under his teacher's bed for 4 hours, and now he's suddenly he's on a bloody rampage and those around him are either enablers or in his line of fire and that's an interesting new character to think about. But don't romanticize that shit.

Extra

• Another idea I saw floating around was that Francis got switched with his reflection in the trophy, which I love the idea of this one. It can keep the idea of mental health slightly but it brings the story back into it. But, I understand that even without evil trophies, people like Francis exist in our world.

• Also having him practice with his bully's face as the target was really the warning. I personally didn't know the scene was going to be that graphic but now looking back I get the horror side of the podcast now. As someone who lives in America it was something that shocked me the first time listening to it, knowing that the usual stuff that the guys bring up I can laugh off. This scene most definitely felt different and I'm sure that it's going to be a huge turning point for a lot of things.

[moony-2001]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy: a Critique on Hades' Character and Personality pt. 1

TW: grooming, abuse (financial, physical, sexual, emotional), violence, manipulation

It is imperative that everyone reading this takes into account the fact that I am not a licensed psychologist. This is purely my own (unprofessional) opinion based on the knowledge I have. When I use the term "diagnose", please take it lightly.

I would also like to note that narcissistic personality disorder and psychopathy are usually misrepresented in the media and there is a lot of stigma surrounding these disorders. I would like to take the time to point out that just because Hades is an abusive groomer that I am “diagnosing” with these disorders does not mean that every person with NPD or psychopathy is an abuser or a groomer.

Hi. I wanted to start by saying that this post will cover many upsetting topics (listed in the Trigger Warning [TW]), so please read at your own discretion.

Straight up, this post is not going to be pretty. It is going to be long and technical and full of me blabbering away about XYZ. Based alone on how long this intro is, it's probably going to be split into multiple parts. If you don't want to read this because of all of the aforementioned things above, that's okay. If you don't like what I have to say, that's okay too (but be respectful). But if you do want to read this, I would be so grateful. I hope at the end of the day, you can at least appreciate my efforts. I will try my best to not get snarky, however I apologize if some snark does come out.

The way the sections are going to be broken down consists of the following:

The disorder + definition

What the criteria is that must be met for the disorder

Other known personality traits those with the disorder have/what are other traits people with this disorder have in common

Examples from Lore Olympus that (in my opinion) would cause the character to fit the disorder

"Honorable" or "Dishonorable" mentions

Final Thoughts

Additionally, I will talk very briefly about Hades being a groomer and an enabler. These are not mental illnesses and thus will not be taking center stage. With that being said, let's begin.

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)

I must clarify that psychopathy is not actually a category in the DSM 5. Psychopathy falls under Antisocial Personality Disorder or ASPD. So you wouldn’t be diagnosed as a psychopath, you’d be diagnosed as someone who has ASPD with more psychopathic (or sociopathic) tendencies which the DSM 5 does specify. So, even though I can't actually "diagnose" Hades with psychopathy, I can "diagnose" him as someone who has ASPD with more psychopathic tendencies. Again, I'm using the term "diagnose" here very lightly.

The Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) is a Cluster B Personality Disorder in the DSM 5. Cluster B Personality Disorders are typically marked by inappropriate, volatile emotionality and behavior that is often unpredictable.

The diagnostic criteria for ASPD is as follows ->

a. A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others... as indicated by 3 or more of the following:

failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest

deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure (i.e., to obtain money, sex, or power)

impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

reckless disregard for safety of self or others

consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

b. the individual is at least of 18 years of age

c. there is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years

d. the occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder

When these traits were expanded upon under the diagnostic criteria, these are the traits that stuck out most to me:

"... may repeatedly perform acts that are grounds for arrest such as destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or pursuing illegal occupations."

"... decisions are made in the spur of the moment, without forethought and without consideration for the consequences to self or others."

"They may be indifferent to, or provide a superficial rationalization for having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from someone (e.g., 'life's unfair'); they may minimize the harmful consequences of their actions or may simply indicate indifference; they generally fail to compensate or make amends for their behavior."

Associated Features

Those diagnosed with ASPD may also exhibit other behaviors that are not in the diagnostic criteria but are commonly associated with the disorder. These "features" include:

"Frequently lack[ing] empathy and tend[s] to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others"

"Irresponsible and exploitative in their sexual relationships"

Have a history of many sexual partners and may never have sustained a monogamous relationship

"May also experience dysphoria (tension, inability to tolerate boredom, and depressed mood), associated anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, substance use disorders, somatic symptom disorder, gambling disorder, and other disorders of impulse control"

"May also often have personality features that meet the criteria for other personality disorders, particularly borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders"

Additionally, ASPD cannot be diagnosed before age 18 and is more common in males. Males with ASPD often have some kind of substance use disorder.

Abuse or neglect may increase the likelihood that [a] conduct disorder will evolve into antisocial personality disorder.

Common Examples within Lore Olympus

Irritability and Aggressiveness

As listed above, two of the possible behaviors indicative of ASPD are irritability and aggressiveness, something that Hades seems to have endless amounts of. The two beings that are frequently at the receiving end of this behavior are Thantos and Demeter, though really, Hades behaves inappropriately to anyone who isn't in his innermost circle. This, in my opinion, makes me believe that his abuse of others stems more from narcissism rather than ASPD but I am still unsure.

Throughout the comic, Hades treats Thanatos, his adoptive son, cruely. Even though the panels I used as an example are primarily from the trial and post-trial arch, there are plenty of other examples of Hades talking down to, belittling, or humiliating Thanatos, especially in public. Hades later tries to excuse this behavior by saying that due to the abuse he suffered as a child, he "didn't know what to do" with Thanatos. So, in a genius act of parenting, he resorts to *checks notes* either icing out Thanatos or verbally/emotionally abusing him until he could survive on his own. At which point Hades functionally abandons him. And remember when Thanatos asks Daphne if she's going to break his phone? Odd reaction to someone asking if they can see your phone, right? We know that Hades can be violent, often resorting to physical harm or destruction of property. So what's to stop him from smashing Thanatos' phone as a form of abuse? Granted, that last part is speculation, but don't forget Hades ripped out someone's eye and broke both his legs. Breaking a phone isn't above Hades.

Though the reader doesn't see a large majority of Hades' abuse towards Demeter until later, Hades openly admits that he and Demeter never got along, claiming that Demeter "always" found something to argue with him about. I suspect the actual details of their dislike for each other wouldn't make Hades out to be the victim of Demeter's "nagging". My theory, though wildly unsupported, has some stock to it due to Hades not just belittling but being outright cruel to Demeter in the panels below. But of course, Hades is suddenly worried about making a terrible impression on Demeter after thousands of years of bad treatment now that someone they both care for is involved which reeks of narcissism.

Failure to Conform... to Lawful Behaviors

Something that goes hand in hand with Hades' aggressiveness (and is another required "trait" for ASPD) is his failure to conform to lawful behaviors. Obviously, he's not the only character who does this in Lore Olympus, but I'm not talking about the other characters today.

Three situations that go beyond irritability and aggressiveness and turn into a breach of lawful behaviors (among many) are his brutal assault on Alex, his assault on the nymph to get back Persephone's comb, and the threatening of the pawn shop owner after being denied information about Persephone.

I remember when reading the chapters about Alex’s torture, people either cheered Hades on or felt indifferent. I honestly don't remember my reaction when reading these chapters the first time, but looking back now, Hades majorly overreacted. Paparazzi are generally a scourge upon the earth, and I do understand when celebrities get aggressive with them for wildly overstepping boundaries for the sake of a story. However, Hades' punishment (and reasons for the punishment) is extremely cruel and unusual, especially given that this story is supposed to be a MODERN retelling. I know the core cast are gods, so cruel and unusual is kind of their thing, but that archaic attitude of the ancient world clashes with upheld societal norms of today's times. I've seen videos of celebrities flipping off, getting aggressive, or even shoving away paparazzi but never ripping out their eye or breaking their legs.

I don't think Hades nearly killing Alex was the white knight moment people thought it was; clearly he doesn't know Persephone as well as he thought he did if he thought that nearly beating her classmate's roommate to death is something she would give him a treat and a pat on the head for. Not to mention, Hades did it for his own ego, not for Persephone's sake, something Persephone calls him out on. AND HADES ADMITS IT. Sure, Hades claims that Alex put Persephone's scholarship at risk, which is true to an extent, however, he quickly turns the situation into a "how dare you do this to ME" situation, something I pointed out in one of my previous chapter critiques as a major flaw of Hades.

And if you think "cannon" Lore Olympus Hades is a scumbag, wait until you read the pilot episodes of Lore Olympus. I thought Hades' brutal torture of Alex was bad in the officially released episodes, but if you go on the Lore Olympus Wiki where the pilot episodes are posted, you will see it's... so much worse. Imagine it like this: if Hades being shown about to rip out Alex's eye made you grimace, what he does to Alex in the pilot comic will literally horrify you.

Another character Hades assaults and harasses is the unnamed nymph in the underworld who had purchased and was wearing Persephone's comb. Again, she had purchased the comb i.e. it was legally no longer Persephone's, and therefore Hades had no right to take it back. It doesn't matter whether or not Persephone "would've never sold the comb if she didn't have to". Regardless of whether or not she had the comb, Hades as king of one of the three realms has no right to treat his citizens like that. It is unseemly.

It is just as unseemly for Hades to threaten the pawn shop owner because she refused to give Hades information about Persephone. Privacy policies are extremely important. This owner doesn't know if Hades is an abusive partner or if he's trying to hurt Persephone. It's the same reason why in real life, most places of employment are legally not allowed to give out any information about their employees. But sure, Hades can throw a temper tantrum because he doesn't get his way and when the temper tantrum doesn't work, he can try out his little sob story and magically get the information he wants.

Persephone once argued that as a king, Hades has a little more wiggle room to do what he pleases. However, I disagree. I think as a king, he should have less wiggle room because he is the face of a realm. He needs to set an example for his citizens. Instead he is allowed to run wild and do what he pleases, with Hecate either barely reining in Hades or aiding him.

Exploitative in their Sexual Relationships/Non-monogamous Relationships

Quick note: the DSM 5 hasn’t been updated in about 10 years (with minor changes made in 2022) and non-monogamy will likely no longer be included in future ASPD criterion since the rise of polyamory. A better descriptor for non-monogamy would likely be serial cheating, but for now, it is still regarded as non-monogamy in the DSM and I will be referring to it as such here. Keep in mind that not every person who has ASPD is going to be exploitative in their sexual relationships or participate in non-monogamous relationships and it is deeply unfair to make that assumption of someone who does have ASPD. However, there is usually a reason that certain traits or associated features are listed in the DSM-5 (or on other sites about the disorder) so keep that in mind.

One of the biggest critiques in the anti-LO community concerned Minthe, Hades, and the nature of their relationship. It was made abundantly clear from the very beginning that their relationship was incredibly unhealthy and involved themes like exploitation, abuse, and power dynamics. Obviously, Rachel wanted to portray Minthe as the toxic, jealous ex which worked in a way, given the fan base's treatment of her. However, the moment it was revealed that Minthe was nothing more than Hades' PA with whom he slept (which is a gross behavior still seen in the real world today), I felt it went downhill from there. As more and more details about their relationship came to light, it became clear that the abuse happening in their relationship went both ways, starting right from the moment Minthe became Hades' sugar baby. Please remember that financial abuse is just as damaging as verbal, physical, or psychological abuse. To clear up any confusion, here is a rough timeline of Hades and Minthe's relationship:

Hades and Minthe meet for the first time at the car event where she is working

Minthe storms into Underworld Corp. because she didn't get paid for the gig and was angry at Hades for (unintentionally) screwing her over

Hades fires his current PA and Minthe becomes his new PA

Minthe becomes his sugar baby either immediately or not too long after that

Hades blurs the line first and their relationship is no longer "no strings attached"

Years of on-and-off relationships, abuse, and fighting

Hades was planning on proposing to Minthe (which she discovers beforehand) despite knowing that his family hates her and she never wanted to be queen of the underworld

Hades meets Persephone and begins an affair with her, despite never officially breaking up with Minthe

Hades eventually breaks up with Minthe after she hits him

Hades immediately moves on to Persephone, a 19-year-old whom he's only known for a few weeks

Once again, in the pilot comic, the way Hades treats Minthe is worse. After she seemingly doesn’t come to the party with him (or claims that their relationship “isn’t working”), he immediately cancels her phone plan and doesn’t pay her rent as, what, petty revenge? Again, this is a form of abuse; Pilot!Minthe is now homeless and stranded because Hades took away essentials from her, leaving her scrambling. Hades shouldn’t have to lie down and take Minthe’s treatment of him, but he inherently has power over her as her king, employer, and a god. Their relationship was never one of equals.

Side note: The reason I also included the panels of Minthe talking about what Persephone “gets to look forward to” with Hades is that often, people with ASPD will have a “glib, superficial charm” as stated in the DSM-5. We often see Hades turning on the charm with Persephone, but again, I have a feeling that what Minthe is saying in an attempt to hurt Hades isn’t far off from the truth. And she gets turned into a plant because of it.

*inhale* Emotional 👏🏻 affairs 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 affairs 👏🏻

Not to mention that Hades also got physical with Persephone (and Hera) even while he and Minthe were still together. Like Persephone said, MINTHE DID NOT DESERVE TO BE CHEATED ON and yet they both go ahead and have an affair anyway??? I don’t understand why Hades felt the need to have an affair with Persephone when he had the resources and support necessary to leave Minthe (like seriously. I’m sure there would’ve been a massive party thrown by his family and close friends because they all look down on her). If it was Minthe who decided to leave Hades, she would've had a much harder time with that process.

I will admit I am biased on this topic. I despise cheaters. If you’re going to cheat on your partner, you should just leave and spare them the emotional pain. Instead, Hades drags out their relationship while being involved with Persephone, then gets to play “responsible” so he can sweep Minthe under the rug.

Let's not forget that Hades' relationship with Persephone is exploitative, too. Persephone is a sheltered, naive 19-year-old who hasn't once left the mortal realm until the beginning of this story. She doesn't even know what a butt dial is. Persephone is practically the poster child for the born sexy yesterday trope. And, like every titular story where this god-forsaken trope exists, there also exists a creepy man who is much older than the female protagonist and is totally okay with taking advantage of her so that he may end up with the ideal woman. Like Hera said when chewing out Hades: she's young. Easy to impress. Won't argue with you. And even after Hades finds all this information out, he goes, "Aw damn, that's a shame. Guess I'll pursue her anyways". Luckily for him, Persephone hasn't been around the block, which makes her the perfect target for his grooming and manipulation tactics. Disgusting.

Additionally, there are other moments after Hades and Persephone get together where he exploits her. Some of these moments include when he proposes to her. In this instance (and other situations), Hades exploited Persephone in a moment of distress where he framed himself as someone who could take away her pain. While I won't stick up for the way Demeter treated Persephone, Demeter was correct in the sense that Hades only asked Persephone (and Persephone said yes) to spite her. Of course Persephone was going to say yes, but Hades knew that. That's why he asked in the first place. That was his work around to Demeter's promise of preventing Hades from having something of hers that he truly desired.

Reckless

Hades' recklessness wasn't something I initially picked up on when first reading this comic. However, when doing a more thorough read, it is evident that this behavior is behind many of his actions.

The sleep dive chapter bothered me so much because not only was he not listening to his wife at all, but he acted like they were somehow the victims in this situation which was… certainly a choice. And she had to talk him off a way by having sex with him which just felt so icky to me. Not to mention, he initially wanted to confront Kronos without a plan because HIS pride was at risk. Both of these situations can also be classed as “reckless disregard for safety as self”.

Hades was also reckless in rushing into his relationship and marriage with Persephone. She says she wants to take it slow, he pushes boundaries. She says she wants to live in her own apartment so naturally they move in together 3 episodes later. She wants to take time for them to date and know each other? Nope, he rushes right into that god-forsaken proposal. I don't think I have much else to say on this topic without sounding like a broken record, but this is a behavior that should raise a warning in readers' minds about Hades' ability to make good choices, not only as a person but as a king.

Dishonorable Mentions

There are some “dishonorable mentions” that I think could’ve taken the main stage but I’m not going to go in-depth about them for a few reasons (such as Tumblr's 30-picture limit). They include:

Excuses/Lack of Remorse about the treatment of characters (217, 253)

This mainly concerns Thanatos and Demeter, the two people Hades most often antagonizes. In my opinion, neither party got a proper apology from Hades, just half-assed excuses. Hades blamed his childhood circumstances for the way he treated Thanatos (which funny, Kronos does the same thing with Hera) and his way of making up for that is offering him a sandwitch which just.

Wow. Truly inspiring parenting skills right there.

Not to mention that in the finale Rachel writes that Thanatos and Hades barely talk with each other?? So much for making amends or whatever.

As for Demeter, Hades makes an excuse about how by Demeter "taking away his volcanos", she would remove his only tie to the mortal realm which... I guess we're supposed to feel bad about? As if Hades frequently visits the mortal realm anyways. I suppose it's the principle of the matter, but I still think it's a half-assed apology, especially considering it's been hundreds of years since Demeter was screwed over as queen of the Mortal Realm. And I know Hades also brough back Demophoon, Demeter's "son", but let's be real, it was just to get brownie points with Demeter.

Inappropriate treatment of Persephone in the workplace (40, 41, 44, 59, 88, 107, 178)

Now, I'm unsure if the way I'm interpreting "consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior..." is, in fact, correct, but I'm going to err on the side of caution and mention Hades' treatment of Persephone in the workplace. This is something I mentioned in Minthe's section, but it is irresponsible and inappropriate of Hades as Persephone's boss to treat her the way he does. The private lunches, the tours, hours spent together not working, the list goes on. Not to mention Hades keeps swinging back and forth between trying to treat Persephone as an employee under him and trying to get her under him.

Alcoholism

Hades' alcoholism goes without saying. It has pretty much been known from the very beginning that Hades has an issue with drinking excessively, to the point where Zeus even snarks to Persephone that where Hades is, there's likely booze. Which... is he wrong? Is he? I don't have a whole lot to say on this subject, I just figured I'd bring it up since substance use disorders are frequently associated with ASPD.

Final thoughts

It’s incredible how Hades got older but never seemed to grow up. Granted, something might have been stunted due to the abuse he suffered as a child, but this is also the man who called his therapist a quack so I can only feel so much sympathy for someone who bemoans their situation but refuses to get help *cough*the afterward chapter*cough*. It's very clear that Hades as also been enabled and coddled to the point of being able to unlearn his behaviors and anyone who tries to stand up to him or does something to displease him suffers his wrath.

Overall, while I was not in Rachel's head while writing Hades' character (and I frankly didn't want to be), this is one of my best guesses about what is wrong with Hades. It’s pretty obvious that Rachel never intended to write Hades as someone who presented with anything other than PTSD, but it’s still kind of shocking how many boxes Hades checks off for other psychological disorders. Again, I'm not a professional psychologist, I don't have any kind of degree, I just know a lot about the subject and I love throwing myself into research. All of the information I have gathered has come from credible sources such as the DSM 5 and other similar sites that cite the DSM 5 in their sources. I will see you soon in part 2 when I discuss Hades and Narcisistic Personality Disorder.

[adventuringblind]

Hi I saw your requests are open you don’t have to write anything if you don’t want to but I had this idea and I wanted to share

I was thinking of meting Charles on Monaco maybe during Sumer break or something, and being a little homesick so he decides to take us to a bookstore (sorry I just like to rad a lot you can change the place) and just talking about like a book he likes and just sitting on the floor with him looking for something to read and getting romantic

Idk if it makes sense but thank you and have a nice day/night

Home is Where You Are

Charles leclerc x reader

Genre: fluff

Request: Yes! I hope you enjoy it, I thought the idea was super cute! I'm open for Max, Charles, Lando, Oscar, George, and Daniel. Also, up for poly fics if anyone is interested. (If you have too much love to go around, clap your hands)

Summary: living with Charles is a dream come true. Longing for home, though, can strike anyone. Good thing he's there to help you through it until you can find time to go visit.

Warnings: home sickness, straight fluff

Notes: written in second person. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Also, I've sent up my account to let tips be enabled. I was debating whether or not to say this because i dont want to sound like im begging, but frankly, people opinions do not matter me me. If you like my writing and want to support me, please consider tipping my posts or my blog. I put a lot of effort into my writing, and it would mean the world to me. Obviously, I won't have my feelings hurt if you ignor this, but I wanted to put it out there.

Masterlist

You and Charles had been together for a while now. Managing to do some long distance when you couldn't travel with him.

Now you were engaged, and you said yes. Knowing you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.

You traveled more now. Finding yourself in different countries for the majority of the year. But you always went back home when you could. The family and familiarity bringing you comfort.

When Charles asked you to move in with him, you'd been happy. The two of you now completely together. Ready to share your lives with each other.

You were lucky you could take your job anywhere. The traveling often helping provide inspiration for your novel.

Charles made sure you felt comfortable in his, now yours as well, apartment. Making sure you had your favorite foods. He purchased an entire bookshelf just for you. He even stockpiled the apartment with soft blanket.

It was a dream come true for you.

You loved it. Waking up with Charles. Eating breakfast with him. Not having to FaceTime him to say goodnight for half the year.

When the summer break for formula 1 came around, you found yourself wanting to go back to your home country. You'd been back in Monaco for less than a week, but the days had you missing things you didn't realize you would.

You liked it in Monaco. It's your home now. But it didn't stop your mind from wandering back to the streets you grew up on. To your friends and family. The shops you frequented.

That's how Charles found you. Sitting at the table, staring into your cup of tea. Lost in the world of your subconscious.

"Mon Amour? Are you alright?"

His voice dragged out out of your thoughts. Your eyes dragging themselves to his face as he found a spot next to you.

He knew something was wrong. There was really no point in trying to lie when it was written all over your body.

You run your finger around the rim of your glass. Taking comfort in Charles nimble fingers running up and down your arm.

"Just a bit homesick, I guess." You confessed. Sighing at your relentless thoughts. Pulling your heart deeper into its sad state.

Charles hums in response. Considering what you'd said to him. "I think I know how to cheer you up." He smirks.

Charles couldn't take you back to your home country currently. You'd been working ridiculously hard, and he'd been busy doing sim work. He'd get you there soon, but for now, he'd settle for trying to get your mind off things.

An hour later, you were dressed and walking down the streets of Monaco. Nonclue where Charles was taking you. Just giggling as he held your hand and pulled you along with him. The two of you are making conversation about anything that pops into your heads.

Charles was basking in the warmth of your smile. So much so that he almost missed his intended destination. A little corner store with a vintage looking sign reading 'Nook's Books'.

"Here we are." He smiled and opened the door for you. A little bell rang to alert the owner that someone had entered.

Charles watched as your mouth opened in awe. Taking in the shelves lined top to bottom with books new and old. "I thought you might like it."

"Why did I never know about this?"

"It's hidden away, so those who don't know the city will have a harder time finding it. It's our own little corner of peace." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I was going to surprise you right before the wedding."

It didn't take long for you to grab Charles' hand and lead him down the rows of books.

You'd found many books that you liked and had picked a spot on the floor to look through them.

Charles couldn't help but admire you. On the floor surrounded by books. You looked adorable in his eyes.

He plopped down next to you and spread out his arms and legs. Inviting you without words to come rest your body against his. You happy oblige. Crawling into the safety of his arms.

You spent hours in the small store. Charles listening intently as you either talked about a book or read chapters from one.

The twobof you finally left when the store was about to close. Having spent so much time there that it was now dark outside. The streets illuminated with the orangey hue of lampposts.

Charles spun you around as you walked, Making you giggle. Completely unbothered by the nightlife of Monaco.

When you two made it to the outside of the apartment building, Charles pulled you into him.

"I know I can't get you back to your family right now, but are you feeling a bit better?"

"Yes, thank you, for everything." Your eyes met his soft gaze.

"No thanks needed. I was simply doing my job." He chuckled. Leaning in closer to you.

Finally, his lips landed on yours. A loving kiss shared between you two. But this time, when he kissed you, you knew Charles was your home.

[wrinkly-fucking-qtip]

“I kind of earned my space or whatever... just don't move your shit is all I'm saying.”

If I think about this scene longer than a minute I might just fucking McLoose it. You can count with half a finger the amount of times Ian has asked for help. You can count with two hands the amount of times Ian has avoided asking for help.

"Name a single time I've let you down."

I have always loved the Lip and Ian dynamic because of how perfectly flawed it is. There's a lot of comparison between Lip, Ian, Monica, and Frank, so let me raise you this situation. Remember how in s2 Monica wanted to do better by signing herself for more days at the psychward? Trying to get her psyche under control but Frank wanted to keep enabling her in the wrong ways? Telling her that she's alright, she doesn't need the help? Well, how about Ian reaching out to his brother for a helping hand, because he is feeling overwhelmed, needing help now more than ever, and Lip just basically denies him the help... in a somewhat patronizing way?

So it's like, two people that for different reasons, and different circumstances, are seeking that help or support, and the other person who claims to care outright attempts against it? Monica always did what she wanted, never really accepting her illness and ignoring the repercussions of it, and the effects it has on her family. And the few times she tried, Frank always intervened in heinous ways. Ian has been going through a difficult time, and the one time he asks for help, it is denied because his brother, who has claimed to never let him down, achieved a status, something that inflates his already overgrown ego. Nevermind that this is his brother, and he is visibly depressed.

Ian had goals of his own, always on the lookout to achieve. Lip didn't care about that for a while, and practically forced himself to care, only to throw it all away. And I'm sure he didn't outwardly intend for it to come across as that, but it did. Ian wanted to make something out of his life, but shit hit the roof and he didn't. And I'm glad he found a job as an EMT, he really needed that job. And he worked hard for it, he earned it. Lip fucked it all up.

This is not a Lip hate post though, he's in my top 5 favorite characters, I love that mother fucker, and I hate him as well, and his high moral that only pretends to give him BDE.

But yeah. Ian needed support. And I know that each of the Gallaghers had their own shit going on this season, I know, but there is already a recurring theme of Ian being entirely dismissed by his siblings, except for Debbie in s4 and her attempts to help him in s5. She did more than was expected of Fiona to do in those seasons, given that she is the legal guardian and all.

I am also not hating on Fiona, she is a fantastic character and stepped up for her family obviously. But by stepping up at such a young age with a lack of tools to maneuver herself through this chaos, good parenting is unobtainable.

It hurts me to see that he reached this point. All he ever fucking needed was support. S6 Ian, you have my heart and soul, and I wish you weren't hurting as much.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing My Mind Over Veilguard 6/?? Aka the Dread Wolf Double Bind

These posts are getting up here in number (yes ma'am that is 1 2 3 4 5 instances of me not being able to get my shit together and coming back again for more)

and quite frankly there's nothing I can do about it until the "we've been treated and tormented by this game" demon has been exorcised from my body, so here we go again.

Today I give to you:

(Modeled after Inquisition Solas and his sad, bald-ass basset hound mage bum glory becuase I think it's important that newcomers know exactly who his fans fell in love with/who inspired his enemies to conduct speed-runs to punch him. Yassified Solas ran only because this mangled membranous man crawled first)

Part of what's making me lose my mind here, I've discovered, is a strange sort of survivor's guilt where everything I really like or really hate about Veilguard can be traced back to Solas and I don't know how to deal with it because we've never had such a divide before between one character getting ALL the content and everyone else from their game being left in the absolute dust.

Disclaimer: Yeah, no one from Origins has had more screen time across games than Morrigan at this point, and therefore no one has gotten more robbed of the substance of their character, but even the damage done to her wasn't the kind that warped an entire game. No, the devs saved that all for the Dread Wolf in the Room.

Even putting it down on paper and comparing the two in-game versions of him, it took me a second to work through why I'm so conflicted, but I think I've finally settled on a few key points.

Concern #1: Solas Haters Were Robbed.

Part of the allure of Solas is that if you want to punch that man in the face, you're gonna get the chance to punch him in the face. Is that my personal preference? No. But in a game where your companions are built to make you think instead of letting you turn your brain off, you're bound to have personalities that clash against yours. To have such a non-descript-looking iambic-pentameter-talking apostate be able to inspire strong emotions across the whole spectrum of players was part of his appeal. Now, as far as I understand it, you have four options at the end of Veilguard.

1. Solas lives and he might actually not hate himself some day.

2. Solas lives and he's absolutely going to write a diary entry a night about why he hates himself.

3. Solas lives and he's going to write a diary entry a night about why he hates YOU.

4. Solas lives and you better hope he never again figures out how to live in your general vicinity

Do you see my concern here? I, shamelessly, can admit that I would do unspeakable fictional things to get that man his happy ending (within reason...mostly...), but I feel like the game took the opportunity away from the players who threw that knife in their map at the end of Trespasser and vowed to take a bitch down for stealing their best armor and waxing poetic about the Grey Wardens while seemingly sitting on his ass and having no inclination to stop the blight (help). This, then, leads me into my second issue.

Concern #2: The Game Refuses to Give Solas room outside of its own agenda

In the near-decade it took for Solas to slip back into his trickster god persona, he seems to have forgotten why he began his quest to tear down the veil in the first place. I like that Rook gets to experience the version of our favorite hard boiled egg that near-singlehandedly tore down several empires by being an absolute terror to those with bigger egos. I like that new players are going to hear Solas tell them that they've earned his respect and actually believe it until they inevitably get their first taste of ancient elven betrayal. What I don't like? When a nuanced yearning for a world in which three majorly mistreated groups (spirits, elves, mages) would be free from many of the constraints that enabled their oppression suddenly becomes "I am doing this because if I don't I have betrayed my friend. Which friend you ask? Oh, the one that was on board with my plan until it no longer suited the story."

The combo of few characters from previous games and a sanitized near-blank slate for the setting of this game was deadly to one of its best-written characters. Because of it, Solas is forced to abandon his double-speak, the joy he takes in giving you scraps of an answer that, by the time you get it, you will already have missed the chance to piece it together from separate clues that he ALSO dropped. He's not going to get to show you the loyal followers the epilogue of Inquisition made clear that he has, because the game wants to usher you into the new future of the series. You're not going to get to ask him (or any NPCs for that matter) a bunch of questions so that you can form your own opinion of him, because all that matters is that he isn't Elgar'nan or Ghilan'nain so let's move along, shall we?

Because the game needs exposition and a foil to its two other baddies, and needs it FAST, the mythic Dread Wolf becomes a plot device designed to get you where you need to go when you need to be there. It doesn't work purely for that reason alone, at least in my opinion, but it gets so much worse when a game that promises you that it's going to work for players new and old relies on someone experienced players want a personal reckoning with to guide every Rook through the game only to realize that those questions of morality regarding whether the veil is torturous for a subjugated few or the only thing preserving most of life as we know it are going to have to remain questions.

You don't get a choice of whether Solas is in your party or not, and you can't advance in the game without talking to him. You don't get to choose not to impress him. You don't get to choose whether you're going to work with him in the final battle, and as previously mentioned, your only real choice in how his story ends is one of four options in which he lives every time in varying states of self-loathing. You're still going to love him or hate him, but just how strongly you're able to show those feelings towards him is severely curtailed. And that's an absolute shame for a character that commanded such fierce attention.

And that's where, ultimately, I find myself with a weird amount of survivor's guilt.

When I finished my Veilguard playthrough, I had barely a moment to fully contemplate the amount of whiplash and disappointment I felt going from a Solas that I had spent almost a decade knowing to a One Dimensional Fen'Harel who threw out his core values and goals like they were chilling in a cup of tea before. Why? Because I very quickly felt guilty. And then I got angry for feeling guilty!

The game's failure to adequately represent its other characters and lore has created a world in which I don't like the Solas we've been given, but I can't live without him either. Who am I to complain that his most complex and compelling features are gone when other players are mourning the fact that the last they may ever hear of their favorite character is reduced to a scrap in the codex? How can I be frustrated at how the Lavellan reunion scene goes down when other players would kill for the chance to have their Inquisitor seemingly give any sort of shit about being in the game aside from being told it was mandatory to earn participation points? How can I lament the fact that his storyline seems to share all the wrong lessons to be learned from a toxic friendship rooted in a never-equalized power imbalance when someone else is watching Morrigan pull a complete 180 and wondering why the fuck they spent so much time researching whether or not her accepting her mother's choices as her own was what she truly wanted? At least Solas still loves Lavellan, even though we needed to ask Trick Weekes several follow up questions just to double check. At least Solas gets more in the epilogue than one empty "we remember the heroes that came before" platitude.

And to suddenly fear any appearances of past characters from a studio that used to make me stay up theorizing about how a character might grow and evolve and continue to impact the world I helped shape? It's depressing as hell, and it's why I was too scared to get attached to any of the new companions once I finally got past the writing and lack of complexity.

The people that hate Solas, deserved better.

The people that valued what he brought to their Inquisitor's small but strong group of friends deserved better.

The people that love Solas more than Sera loved pissing him off deserved better.

And new players, who had a chance to engage with one of the most powerful storylines in the game and instead got a heaping dose of Deus Ex Machina Lite, deserved better.

If taking a character that had the potential and power needed to shape an entire continent and banishing him one of four different ways to Fade jail so that the book could quickly be closed on a years-long legacy is what the studio is calling a return to their roots, I'll stick with the efforts of fans to create art and theories that aren't afraid to double down into what actually keeps people coming back for more.

[aethesfaelibrarae]

(holy shit was I not expecting anyone to like that previous Mouthwashing post—but thank you, genuinely for reading it and this one)

The Mouthwashing brain worms speak to me again—let's talk about hierarchy and caste and the implications in Mouthwashing one more time.

Say what you will about Jimothy's cowardly ass: he's not an idiot. The apathy of the crew is, at least, in part maintained by the top of the ladder: Curly and Pony Express.

Curly starts the game at the top of the ladder, able to help out a guy he perceives in a rough spot with a snap of his fingers, able to control how much sugar anyone got.. Able to control the food, the medicine, the weapons. Curly isn't the sort of person to abuse his power.

But he also isn't the type to use it.

Next up is Jaundice. His second in command, his (traitorous backstabber) right hand man. We'll get back to him.

No, who come next in this hierarchy can be debated—is Daisuke for his youth and potential or is it Swansea for his seniority? It could be both, depending upon the lens of examination. When the chips are down.. Or when they're still able to make a bet?

I'm going with Swansea, simply because of the fact that both Curly and Catastrophic Jameson's headass respect him. Neither of them really correct or step in to ask about his behavior with Daisuke, Jaundiced is more than happy to leave the room alone until it stands in his way and up until the chase sequence is largely unwilling to get into physical altercation.

Daisuke is next on the rung—an intern getting his due hazing. Young, plucky, clumsy, the aimless silver spooned baby of the crew. He wants to be liked by people in the higher rungs and he trusts in their authority. To his own detriment. But for the most part, he's neither too high for the responsibility or too low to really suffer in forced silence. He's protected.

Anya is not. As the sole woman of the crew, soft-spoken, heavily pregnant and forced to entertain her abuser's delusions of grandeur with the wreckage evidence of how far he's willing to go to get rid of her, rinse his mouth of her, all around them.. She starts the game on the bottom of the ladder—ignored, talked over, dismissed. People's—Curly and Catastrophe Jim—eyes skip over her without thinking. It's easy to dismiss her. Empathy is extended to her as an afterthought. Her death an inevitable tragedy. Because either way of framing it, without access to the ax or the gun, the ship was Jimothy's way of shutting her up for good and she knows it. In my previous post, I touched on the difference between the situations that Anya and Curly find themselves and in all honesty, it's defined by who finds themself at the bottom of the rung when Mr. J finds himself a way to the top.

And who else would it be but our resident golden boy himself, Captain Enablement—I mean, Curly. Now that he's completely disabled, useless and helpless.. He finds himself in a position even worse than Anya's. Both of them taking on the brunt of Jimmy's worldview—he's gotten way more than he bargained for from Anya and besides, she was a means to an end. At the moment of the assault, she was an object, the lower rung of the perceived ladder. It wasn't his fault, just look at her—And afterwards.. Well, this whole thing could also be framed as spite. Sneaking behind the golden boy's back and "stealing his girl" or whatever, maybe he knew that he'd be caught and wanted to see something other than Curly's gentle understanding. He wants more. And in direct opposite to Anya, Curly is the center of his world. The spindle upon which Jaundice's last steadily fraying thread of sanity spins. And what an awful place it is to be. He gets front row seats to hindsight truly becoming 20/20 vision when it's a barrel of shotgun—and you're jealous of the fact that it's not aimed at you. He suffers being consumed and thus consuming himself. Looking into why didn't Jimothy just cut up any of the others is a fascinating exercise. By the time he starts eating Curly, this is not the first time he's imagined Curly in the place of food—of nourishment. He imagines him in the place of cake—even the way that he cuts a part of Curly's leg is reminiscent of the way that Curly cuts into the cake. (yes, what the heck Curls but then again, gelatin probably feels weird to cut). Eating someone is often a taboo form of intimacy in media like Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain or Tokyo Ghoul..Listen. There's a reason why vore is popular.—it's the most violent type of intimacy.

It's the only type of intimacy Jimmy engages with on screen and yet—There's an equally fascinating intimacy in consuming yourself. And even that is ruined.. Being forced to eat your bile-covered offal again and again and again.. A memory that would scar on its own. But. With the implications of this being the one type of intimacy that Jimmy feels comfortable sharing combined with what the game says about rape culture have "good" men protect and enable their friends.. There's another angle of their friendship there.

Jimmy loves Curly as much as he hates him. He wants him to suffer. He wants him to live. He wants him dead. Who is saying I hope this hurts?

The hierarchy traps them in so many ways—and the first time we see it for what it is is with Curly. Not Jimmy. From Curly's perspective, we see him unfocused and exhausted and Anya offers him a helping ear and he can't accept it. He's the Captain. He can't be seen asking his subordinate for help. Jimmy was removed from the hierarchy in Curly's eyes. Maybe even at the same spot. Co-captains. Two peas in a pod—except one is a festering open wound and the other has his eyes tightly closed, quietly muttering he can fix it if he just gets a little bit more time.. Can't tell the difference between who's who?

Top or bottom of the hierarchy—awful and isolating for two men who claim to take responsibility. Both have some level of inferiority complex—a complex that I'd argue is the becoming the bread and butter of modern day society but is steadily starting to show the signs of where it's been baked into the perceptions of being a man—there is the fear of someone bigger, better and more capable of you.. But there's also that small quiet part that gets told men don't cry that desperately, desperately, wants to have no choice. Almost takes comfort in the idea of someone better than you.

And everyone in between their rungs gets crushed as collateral.

In a caste made by white supremacy, white able-bodied young men who meet societal standards for being in their prime are at the top. Old enough to know better, young enough to play stupid have potential. Just look at all our promising young rapists men with their whole lives ahead of them.

On a ship like the Tulpar, that hierarchy gets a necessary edge—the Captain is the most useful person aboard the ship, the most needed. The man of the proverbial house. The co-captain is like being called vice president—made only as important as the person in that role can make it. Otherwise it's a hollow consolation prize. And Jimothy can't work an honest day in his life. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then would be the nurse but.. It's a feminine job, a pink collar job through and through. If Anya had been a man, the jokes would have been targeted at her masculinity but as she is a woman, the role and her usefulness to the crew are invisible necessities. The quiet labor and genius that keeps great men going. I think people underestimate how much work goes into even passing the N-CLEX to become an RN. Anya was trying to get into medical school—she studied the human body extensively and in all honesty, the way that I've read it is (especially with the context clues of her being overlooked continuously) she just wasn't important enough to help out. Medical textbooks are expensive on their own and tests can be upwards of 2,000 dollars (my sources: my mom had to take the N-CLEX 3 times when I was much younger and the financial strain was ridiculous especially if you want to get in on a study group).. And Anya clearly worked for that goal. You don't throw that kind of money at anything else but the goal—the one you could just swear would make it all worth it. Maybe if she was Doctor Anya, the crew would've treated her better.. Her usefulness cemented and people would question how such a nervous woman made it through medical school.. Maybe it would have made Jimmy worse. There's nothing hollow about being a doctor after all.

But Anya is Anya and so Swansea, the mechanic is useful. He keeps the ship going and Daisuke in line. Bitter Knowledge and the Dog Days of Youth.

Wasted Potential (double entendre) and Boundless, Wasting Potential.

Immediately useful and eager to be useful.

Then there's Post-Crash Curly. And I must stress, your usefulness is not your value as a person. But then again, where would ableism find its footing save for such a sad hierarchy? And let's call a spade a spade, once Curly loses his ability to interact with the world as he once did, his skin literally peeled open to expose the soft inner flesh to the cruelty of the world, his small bit of usefulness as a Captain gone.. Most people on the ship act accordingly. Daisuke and Swansea, their places on the ladder's rung unchanged fairly quickly become enured to Curly's cries of pain. Anya, the closest to the his newfound rung.. Continues to care for him, unable to free him as he was unable to free her. Jimmy is all too happy to grind his boot in Curly's face as many times as he can. Until he feels better.

But he won't. He can't.

The game touches on the haves vs the have-nots a lot as well as the creeping sense of human work becoming obsolete, that body horror in being made useless by your own complicity but where it absolutely shines in Jimmy and Swansea—especially Swansea's final speech—is the messaging about the never-ending demand for more, for greener pastures leaving you hollow and bitter. Curly seemed well-aware of Swansea's thought process and leaves him be but internally agrees and fears that ending if he stays in the Captaincy for too much longer.

And that's where I think Jimmy really thinks it was a win-win for him and Curly. He truly doesn't think of the pain that Curly must find himself in, worsened by the constant beatings and continual medical assault. He doesn't think about it as anything more than Curly being a nuisance. One more way that Curly just didn't trust him not to fuck up his eyes eternally trapped in the cold hate and fear as he watches Jimmy proceed to ruin the one thing he took pride in as the metaphorical man of the house: keeping the crew safe.

Jimmy thinks of himself as the son who stayed faithful, worked himself to the bone, only to receive scraps while his undeserving brother is celebrated and lauded.

Within the hierarchy, the system is only as "good" as who remains on top. And "good" people, blindly faithful and eternally forgiving, aren't ruthless enough to stay up there for long.

Jimmy's not a good person but he's not stupid. And he's very ruthless. While there may have been somewhat of a hierarchical situation before he joined the crew, it's clear from his conversations with Anya, Curly valued a more lateral role system as he felt trapped in Pony Express's all-consuming ladder over Jimmy's rigid rungs of better and worse.

But over and over, he isolated the crew to their sectors. Over and over, he demeaned Anya, insulted her and Curly. Leaned into the insults of Daisuke. Left Swansea alone for the most part.

Anya, as much as it pains me to admit this, could have worked with Swansea earlier. But would that have worked? What about Daisuke—the younger version of Curly's eternal optimistic "I've never seen the dead pixel" attitude? The isolation absolutely worked. There's no imagining a world in which it doesn't work unless you imagine the crew as better than they are.

And that's just one more tragedy we can't rinse out of mouths with mouthwash.

[raayllum]

Mirrored Paths Trilogy #2: In the Name of Love, I Would Do Anything For You —Callum & Viren

Part 2 of a mini meta trilogy dissecting Callum, Karim, and Viren's parallels, with a special emphasis on S5. For the general overview, and if you want to read Karim and Viren's parallels, you can read that analysis here. It is useful to read but not necessary in order to understand this one, as this meta is Part 2 and will discuss Callum and Viren.

Now, I've talked a lot about Viren and Callum. Like, a Lot a lot. Therefore, I'm not going to repeat too much of their Arc 1 buildup here, and focus more loosely on their S5 parallels in particular. However:

If you're interested in their pre-season 4 buildup, check out these metas: How Callum and Viren have parallel arcs in S2, Relics, Rage, and Magic: The Callum-Viren Foils Meta, the foils screencap compilation post I've been cultivating since Nov 2019 pre S3 (updated to include past that point)

If you're interested in post-S4 thoughts, check out these metas: The Interlocking of the Cycle’s Wheel with Viren, Claudia, Callum, and Rayla, How Viren and Callum stack up flaws wise, I sure do love foils that switch, How Callum's morality differs from Ezran and Rayla's (and always has)

If you're interested in post-S5 thoughts, check out these metas: What did Viren and what does Callum want?, How Callum and Viren sacrifice (written post-S4 but updated with S5 screencaps), Why ramp up the foiling?

Now I'm not gonna expect you to read all that because 1) I'm aware I have a problem, 2) it'd be time consuming as hell, and 3) I'm going to summarize the most important takeaways for you to understand the foundation this next section of meta is built on. (None of it is complicated, mind you, but just to make it clear where I'm coming from.) If you have read all those metas, or even made it this far on this one, thank you for enabling me reading and I hope you('ve) enjoy(ed).

Now for the key takeaways:

S5 went basically exactly where I've thought Callum would go since S1/S2 and Viren since S3 re: Viren giving up dark magic and having an atonement arc/breaking away from Aaravos, whereas Callum — in order to free and save someone he loves, specifically Rayla — chooses to chain himself further to Aaravos

Although still very different, Callum and Viren are worryingly, exceedingly similar in many ways, largely in their agreement that dark magic can be a useful last resort and in their devotion to their loved ones (aka "in the name of love" + the "I would do anything [for my family/loved ones]" parallel

Where Viren is willing to put certain things (the kingdom, his own quest for power, humanity) above his family (and wrongfully so), Callum is not. He says he would do anything, and means it (thank you post-s2 me, you were the realest bitch)

Rayla and Aaravos are foils, particularly in their dynamics with Callum and Viren respectively. They are both banished, exiled elves who were seen as being/are too sympathetic towards humans, they mentor high mages of Katolis, hunt each other's high mages, and S6 will put Rayla and Aaravos vying for Callum's destiny (control) to the test as his two paths (although choosing Rayla over Aaravos may not be mutually exclusive, but that's another post). Rayla killing Viren unintentionally put him on a path to stray from Aaravos, whereas Callum saving her / their relationship is what has consistently putting him on a path towards Aaravos

Now, S2 and S4 definitely have more parallels between them structurally for our two high mages. S2 is linked above, so I'll focus on S4: asking to die but being refused by Claudia and Rayla respectively; being reunited with someone they love after two years; Callum attempting to shut down his feelings in Rayla's absence / upon her return much the way Viren did in his time as high mage; the mirror and general framing, particularly in 4x01; sharing a (re-)birthday; their impatience in 4x02, which is also a parallel with Karim; the pawn intros; Rayla interrupting Callum's investigation of the mirror while Viren likewise attempts to diverge paths; picking up what they'd been refusing to all season in 4x09 within seconds of each other, and similar framing to boot, since dark magic led to Viren's destruction, and Rayla will possibly (unintentionally) lead to Callum's:

Let's get into it: S5

Now, S5 is less obvious in some ways. The one big framing parallel they get, beat for beat, is Callum going to investigate Aaravos in the library, placing his book on the same table, being interrupted by the librarian (which is honestly more of a running gag than something tangible), the script being magically washed away, etc.

Therefore, with all of the above out of the way, we have three main things to consider:

1) Their dark magic dreams from 2x06 and 5x03 respectively, in which they face mirrored reflections of each other

I wrote after S2 that I thought Callum refusing his dark counterpart in 2x08 was ultimately going to end up being more about actively being a dark mage than doing dark magic ever again, mostly because — while we didn't know if the show would ever put him in said position — I always figured Callum would do dark magic again in well, about the exact circumstances canon forced him into in 5x08. (And it was extremely satisfying, lemme tell you.) Viren giving up dark magic was more surprising, but they've always been switching foils, so the exchange makes perfect sense on that level.

I talked really briefly about some of the similarities between their dreams, but I wanted to touch on some here as well:

Their choices are both framed around objects of Aaravos. For Callum, it's a key he initially rejects. For Viren, it's the mirror, but instead of connecting to and looking to Aaravos to help him, he looks to and accepts himself.

Viren has to reach forward and connect with himself, whereas Callum pulls away from his mirror self

Viren's dreams are about dismantling his justifications (or the why) behind what he did, whereas Callum's skip over his justifications and instead focus on what he did. Both of these accordingly inform their identity

Viren is saved from literal drowning upon waking up, Callum is saved from a more metaphorical kind

Freedom is the cornerstone of both reflective scenes. Viren and Callum both leave their initial dreams being free (or freer than before). While this holds true for Viren until the current end of his arc (5x09), Callum in 5x08 is handed a sharp reminder that freedom is no guarantee, and how that may continue

The path metaphor that was running loosely throughout their arcs ("I am offering you a path forward [with dark magic] / Callum's tendency towards shortcuts / "I'm afraid, Rayla. What if I'm on a path of darkness?") is now being brought to the forefront here through Viren both being made actively aware of his choices per path ("Because I have followed a dark path") and him deciding to get off of it in 5x09.

2) Both being driven to desperation and resolve to try and save someone they love (Claudia, Rayla)

I figured that, per Viren getting an atonement arc at all, that what would make the most sense is S5 forcing Viren and Callum to confront their moral horizon lines about what they were, or were not willing to do, in order to save Claudia and Rayla pre-S5. For the S4 reasoning behind that, I'll recommend one of the metas linked above regarding those four and the Interlocking of the Cycle's Wheel. I was very pleased to see a decent chunk of it come to fruition. I figured Callum would be able to save Rayla at a steep cost, and Viren would be unable to successfully save Claudia (cause consequences have to catch up to you sooner rather than later, and they tend to catch Viren first and Callum second).

This is, of course, perhaps most exemplified by the show chipping away to the core of dark magic, which is what are you willing to do to save the people you love, even against their will, and that Callum has every good reason to be worried, accordingly, about a very exploitable part of himself.

Which we'll talk about more when we get to:

3) Viren revoking dark magic and Aaravos, whereas Callum does dark magic again and worries he's further tethered himself to Aaravos

In season 5 in a lot of ways, Viren comes to fully understand and accept Harrow's rebuttal to dark magic in 1x02, which was, "We may not pay now, but we will pay the blood price eventually! What do you think got us here? Dark magic!" The blood price went from Sarai's unintentional death, to Thunder's purposeful one, to Zym's false one, to Harrow's 'real' (?) one, and so and so forth.

Viren tried to ignore the sunk cost fallacy by believing it was already too late to turn everything around, and that doubling down to skirt consequences would continually work... until it didn't, and he had to accept the only person writing his fate was himself: "Every step forward is a choice," and thereby another chance to do the right thing, or make better choices, under the circumstances you have — to at least try.

This parallel, then, between Viren doing what he can to set himself free vs Callum chaining himself further to Aaravos is, in a lot of ways, both the most dreadful and happiest potential parallel and contrast between on a few different levels. Let me explain:

S6 as the Fall, S7 as the Rise

I talked about this pre-S5, citing it as a reason I believed Viren and Callum were ultimately switching rather than solely contrasting foils — re: Viren getting better in S5, and Callum getting worse in S5/S6 — simply due to the fact that given that S6 will be TDP's 11th hour, things might be going okay for the antagonist crowd, but the protagonist side of things, particularly Callum, will need to be hitting rock bottom.

Thus, it seemed pretty obvious from a structural standpoint, as well as Stars (and destiny by extension) having an association with Aaravos that S6 would involve Callum playing his part in Aaravos' plans, with S7 being the reclamation of his agency and therefore defeat of his narrative Rival for well, narrative control. S6 being Callum's fall, S7 being his rise — stronger than before, and freer and more magically in tune than ever.

Prior to S5, it was typically accepted (by myself included) that while purposefully very similar to one another in both framing and personality, that mirroring would eventually shed, and, come S7 Viren would ultimately provide a contrast to Callum, with Callum breaking away from Aaravos in ways Viren was never able to, and this would be the Big Defining Difference between them in terms of like, narrative cohesion and plot. (Emotionally, the biggest difference has always, arguably, been that Viren is more world focused — to his detriment in arc 1 in particular — than focused on his loved ones, whereas Callum is deeply and sometimes dangerously devoted to the people he loves.)

However, S5 makes that previous contrast prediction untrue, because Viren does break away from Aaravos (in fact, just an episode decidedly before Callum seems — metaphorically at least — to take a step towards him). Therefore rather than just being a contrast, Viren is meant to be a true mirror in equal measure, simply because by virtue of letting Viren break away from Aaravos' control, when Callum eventually does so, he will likewise — once again — be following in Viren's footsteps, just in a positive way rather than a 'negative' way like before. If Viren was meant to solely be a contrast — as has been theorized previously — than Callum staying under Aaravos' control would actually be the provided ending. Of course the show isn't doing that for Very Obvious Reasons, but I think it's worth noting that now, in order for Callum to have a happy ending at all, he has to follow in Viren's footsteps — all of them. Rather than being one of solely warning and foreboding, Viren's narrative has turned into one of hope for Callum, too.

V: I am free, and so are you.

But in order to talk about salvation, we have to first talk about destruction, namely:

Dark Magic and Death

Dark magic and death have long been associated with each other in series. Dark magic requires killing or consuming a magical creature — elf, dragon, or otherwise — to be used/harvested for power. It affects the souls of those being used as spell parts (Through the Moon) and you can use any part of the body within reason, even their ashes upon cremation (1x03, 2x09), or their final breath (against their wishes in 3x06). Hell, dark magic makes you smell like death (3x01), turns you into a more corpselike appearance, and season two novelization just furthers this association outright during the passages of Callum's dark magic visions/dream:

Callum turned the cube frantically to see which primal was glowing. How could any of the primals glow in this dark place? Something about this cube tied his stomach in knots. It wasn’t natural. A vision flickered in front of his face. Dozens of dead animals in a field. A dead butterfly. A dead deer. A dead unicorn. Cackling laughter. He chucked the cube away from him with all his might. The glowing rune was dark magic. It represented death.

Thereby in 2x08 itself, the rejection dark magic symbolized by the cube is pretty simple. Callum rejects being a dark mage as his primary magic use, he rejects the 'easier' road, he still believes he can possibly access primal magic, and in doing so, he rejects death. He won't become a dark mage, he won't seek out his death or others in order to have control/power, and he won't become a corpselike figure.

But a couple seasons later, we see S4 and S5 reverse and complicate that in 1) having him, literally, seek his own and Aaravos' deaths in order to feel in control/have power, and therefore 2) perfectly foreshadowing his eventual dark magic use/relapse, for lack of a better word. Just as the show leans farther away from "dark magic is easy" (and it is, in some ways, emotionally easier to deal with consequences when you can change them) and more into "dark magic will destroy you — your identity and your body — if you keep using it".

S5, likewise, also starts to break down the negative associations of dark magic being linked to death, and indeed the negative associations with death itself. For most characters in the series, death is solely a tragedy, but for Harrow and Viren of themselves, staring their own deaths in the face — and choosing to die — instead became a vehicle for repentance, change, and subsequent self-actualization.

Death, for Harrow, and more importantly for the sake of this meta, is not just doom and gloom, but a choice and therefore a culmination as well as a chance for transformation. Just as Viren's death in 3x09 allowed him to be re-born with clear eyes (a literal Re-Birthday, if you will), him choosing this next death shows the full scope of his character arc. Previously, he died because he was chasing all the things he didn't have with Aaravos' aid, and by 5x09, he's rejecting Aaravos' help and dying alone in the woods with nothing, yet it feels like a tragic sort of victory all the same.

We also see a more complicated view of dark magic alongside ideas of self-actualization. Previously, dark magic was seen as something that would make you routinely lose yourself (Viren, Claudia) until you had by and large become the worst version of yourself. S5 complicates this a bit more by connecting Callum doing dark magic to his ability to access the Ocean arcanum, as he remembers/mimics the motion of crushing the slug before connection (and parallels Viren's 5x03 hand symbolism to boot):

Whereas Viren unmakes his choice to take on Aaravos' deal in 2x07, Callum unmakes his choice to refuse to do dark magic when it means saving his loved ones. As he states:

To love is simply to know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep... You don't control anything. But you already knew that, didn't you? Because it's the secret of the Ocean itself. The arcanum. The Ocean arcanum is about accepting depths you can't see, parts of yourself you can't understand, and things you can't control.

Callum fears not having control, and therefore fears his part of himself, where he is now more aware than ever of just how far he'll go for his loved ones, and how exploitable that is, thanks to Finnegrin. And it's not as though dark magic has lost its death associations, merely that those death associations have likewise been transformed. This is particularly evident if you line up 5x08 as the end of Callum's S5 arc (which it is; while 5x09 is fun, it doesn't further any of the main trio's emotional arcs except Rayla, and even that is decently minor)

If dark magic is still linked to death, then both Viren and Callum choose to step towards their own deaths in the end of their respective arcs, just with different meanings and arc placements. If we take Viren's step further that real death vs dark magic death are two different things, then we still have Callum stepping towards his own dark magic death to prevent someone else's (the same way Rayla is spared) even if that means throwing potentially 3+ innocent people and Domina Profundis under the bus in 5x08. But more on that here.

For now, let me break it down more simply:

In 4x09, Callum and Viren both pick up the symbol of something they've been trying to ignore / pass off to others all season. Viren has avoided his staff and left it for Claudia to wield, much the same way Callum passed Rayla off to Ezran and Soren in the previous episodes. Viren refuses to leave the staff behind. Meanwhile, Callum picks up and finally starts fully acknowledging the loss and love he feels regarding Rayla, who he let go on without him. The staff is symbolic of Viren's relationship to Aaravos as well, and it's what ultimately dooms him. Rayla's sword, although quickly discarded so he can help the actual Moonshadow elf, is also a symbol to Callum in the scene that he loves/is still mourning his friend/partner.

In 5x08 and 5x09, Callum and Viren are both goaded by a vengeful elf seeking freedom into doing dark magic to create a secure future for each mage. The elf wants to use them as further vessels for their own freedom/revenge scheme. Viren refuses to do dark magic and instead chooses death, reaching self-actualization. He does this mostly motivated by his own regret and love for Claudia. He refuses to sacrifice Sir Sparklepuff to save his own life and breaks away from Aaravos. Callum demonstrates a willingness to sacrifice others in order to save Rayla, in addition to resorting to dark magic in order to save her. He refuses to sacrifice her to save/keep his own soul free from Aaravos' clutches, even if that means possibly walking steadily closer to his own death. Likewise, this allows him to reach a new stage of self-actualization, but at a steep emotional cost.

Where Viren's ending is tragic but victorious, Callum's season ending is victorious but tragic. But like I said earlier, Viren's story in S5 offers plenty of hope to Callum's future storyline, namely exploring how

Love Can Destroy and Save You

Now, anyone who's been following me for a while knows I love a good "this thing can save and destroy you" and that I have been really fucking excited for S4 taking that undercurrent in arc 1 and bringing it up to the forefront, with a big hitch to Rayllum as a sweet lovely, devastating bonus.

“Wow. So they look identical but they might kill you or they might save you,” Callum said. “Exactly. Just like me…” Rayla smiled.

—Book One: Moon novelization + Callum and Rayla being routinely determined to save each other, even if that means immense danger and harm to themselves (Callum's love for her made him leap off the mountain to save her, and his love for her allowed him to grow wings and save both of them).

This has always been a theme in the show and particularly within their dynamic — "Alright, enough almost killing me" in 1x05 with the lightning spell, only for Callum to save Rayla's life with the exact same spell by the episode's end — most prominently brought to the forefront in 4x07 with their whole "I need you to kill me" "I'm afraid I'll hurt people I care about" [cuts right to Rayla] conversation. If you're interested in more Rayllum thoughts on this, I would recommend my original meta on the subject (pre-S4) and my post-S4 followup.

We even see this theme of the same thing — in this case, Callum's love for Rayla and commitment to saving her — play out as a perfect microcosm in 5x08. As previously mentioned, Callum does dark magic again (a failure in his own mind) and unlocks the ocean arcanum (a victory) precisely because of what he was willing to do out of love, both of these things being good and bad. The dark magic use is bad because it makes him more vulnerable to Aaravos and reaffirms how he'll bend morals he otherwise wouldn't and is upset over it, and it's a good action because it lets him save Rayla. Unlocking the Ocean arcanum is a good thing, because it symbolizes a deeper understanding of himself — good ol' self-actualization — and more useful, magical prowess, but it's also a bad thing because he's upset by this realization of himself to the point of not even really being excited by it.

He would do anything for her, he's realized now that love doesn't necessarily always make him stronger, that this is exploitable, and it scares him. It really does.

Because Rayla saves him and destroys him. And in S5, fortunately, Viren's children do the same for him.

Even though saving Soren is what seemed to truly begin Viren's descent in earnest...

the harm his path has inflicted on Claudia is one of his motivations to finally stepping off of it.

Ezran himself acknowledges the way love interplays with the Cycle in the thematic turning point of the arc, and the series in many ways, back in 4x03 — that love is not in opposition to the Cycle, but indeed one of its many cogs, and the choice lies in how we choose to let that love manifest:

I had a speech planned for today. It was about peace and love and hope. But I think I left something out. [...] We all want peace and we all want love. But violence tests us. In a twisted way, it converts us to its cause. Because pain and loss feel so terrible inside, you want to hate. You want to hurt someone else. So what do we do? How can we stop this cycle? [...]  We have to acknowledge the weight of the pain and loss, but open up our eyes and allow ourselves to hope and maybe forgive and love again. We have to give today’s children a chance to inherit a future filled with peace. To give them that, we have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time.

If Callum does destroy himself / risk the world for love in S6 (perhaps taking a risk he knows may lead to being possessed, or releasing Aaravos to spare Ezran or Rayla from an immediate death) then love, it seems, is also posed to be what accordingly breaks him out of the possession and brings him back to himself, the same way it allowed Viren to deviate from his previously chosen/enforced path. Reconciling dualities rather than enforcing strict binaries is one of the main things S4 was concerned with, after all ("Just have two cakes!").

All of this, for Callum, ties back into:

His dynamic with Rayla and all its variances (the light to his dark / pain and love / literally freeing himself while metaphorically chaining himself in order to save her / his love for her being his strentth and weakness / "Now you're back. That's kind of good, and it's kind of bad").

His connection to the Key ("I have a feeling that cube thing could help me" to "It's the Key of Aaravos, Callum. No good will come of it!")

Light and dark being both good and bad, and Aaravos heavily representing that trade off ("In darkness, gaze upon a fallen star [...] already tainted by darkness" + the cube flashing a bright glowing white before Aaravos picks him up as a pawn).

The fall (becoming Aaravos' prey / playing into Aaravos' hands) in s6 and a rise in S7 (breaking free by defeating Aaravos)

If dark magic is death, and Aaravos is likewise death / worse than death ("if he takes control of me again, you have to kill me")... death, like for Viren in 3x09, can be Transformation for Callum in 6x09. He just has to 'die' (metaphorically) — to fall, to fail, to succumb to his predecessor's negative footsteps — in order to rise, fly, and follow in his predecessor's positive footsteps while also carving out another new path for himself.

Because Love is salvation just as much as it is destruction, and the story will always hold true to those things.

Other Parallels

Although there aren't as many prominent framing parallels in S5 as there were in S4 — the mirror, on the battlements with Soren, sitting on the Storm Spire, picking up the staff and sword, etc etc — (beyond the hand clasps as symbolic chains my beloved), the most obvious one is from 5x01 in which Callum goes to the library to research Aaravos just like the high mage before him, down to the portrait over the table they place the tome on.

Then there is also framing that furthers the connections they share between Callum-Viren and Claudia-Rayla, diving after someone you're desperate to save (and often from drowning, to boot). Hand outstretched one pictured above, so here's another:

There are also the Aaravos-Magma Titan Callum-Viren parallels that others have pointed out, with Ezran standing in for Sarai:

Given that 4x01 begins and 5x09 ends the arc of Viren's 30 days, and by and large binds S4 and S5 together as 1 arc of sorts (with S6 and S7 being the final arc), it tickles me particularly pink that it opens, in many ways, and then literally closes accordingly with Callum and Viren staring at the moon:

Misc:

In between writing the first meta and the second one, I got loose 'confirmation' that I'm on the right path with my deductions (even if, of course, 'personal path' can mean many things, but I still think it's cool!) from Aaron Ehasz on twitter. Cool beans

I also think it's fun that Viren tries to save Claudia from a 'symbolic' death in the ocean ("Stop! That wave, it will swallow you up!") and Callum saves Rayla from a more literal one of being devoured by a sea leviathan.

Conclusion

First off, if you read All of That, thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. I've been itching to talk about these two and how S5 both built on the parallels they already had, pushed some to the forefront in overt ways ("I would do anything" and 5x08 on Callum's end was beyond validating in every way), in addition to setting up more to come, both good and bad.

I may return to S5 in this manner to touch more on other parallel relationships in the future, such as Viren-Rayla in S5, Callum-Claudia, and Claudia-Rayla, but for now the next proposed foil meta is looking at a dynamic I have not talked much about in Callum and Karim. This will conclude this little 'trilogy' of metas, and I hope you stick around for it, cause it's going to be very interesting.

Callum and Viren have always been my favourite foils relationship in the show, and I hope this meta did a good job of demonstrating why. Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next one!

—Dragons out

[tojifile]

Dazai Osamu: Sake

“This sake or your love?” -Itchyworms

Genre: Angst // drunk!Dazai x gn!reader

⚠️: Toxic relationship

A/N: Sorry for not posting for a while, I haven't had any new ideas and I can't think of how to start with your reqs but nevertheless if you have any scenarios my reqs are open, just wait for me to have that sudden inspiration.

LINK: Masterlist

It was a cold and rough night. Dazai was drinking bottle after bottle, drowning his sorrows in the fruity taste of sake.

After a long day you found him laying on the couch with empty bottles of sake scattered around him, as if it were an elaborate trap. You stood by the entrance of your shared apartment, closing the door behind you as spoke with a worried tone "Osamu.. drinking? Again?"

Dazai waved his hand at you as if it weren't a big deal. "It's only a few bottles, don't make it a problem in your book." He spoke without a care in the world. "It's a problem in everyone's book but unfortunately, not in yours." You shot back. At this point you were used to his drinking but you still made it a point to take care of him and help him get better rather than enable his self-destructive habits.

"Well like you said, it's not a problem in my book so why do you act like it's a problem for you?!" He retorted, his tone seemed much more annoyed now. He sat up from the couch and narrowed his eyes at you.

You walked towards him, carefully walking past the bottles of sake laying round and about. You bent down in front of him to meet his gaze. "Osamu.. don't turn this into an argument, please just stop drinking, it isn't healthy." You held his hand gently as you spoke.

He looked at you with an annoyed expression and took his hand back from your gentle grasp "I'm turning it into an argument?! You're the one making it seem like it's a problem for you!!" He yelled, you suddenly stood back up and looked down at him angrily. "It is my problem too!! Who the hell do you think cleans your mess up?! Who do you think bathes you when you throw up?! Who do you think help you climb into bed when you're too drunk to do it yourself?!" You snapped, finally letting out the pent up frustration inside you.

"No one fucking told you to do all that!! You did that by yourself!! You brought it all upon yourself!! Why even put up with me if you don't like it?! You're the one to blame for your own problems!!" He retorted angrily. "Because that's what you do when you care about someone. I 'put up' with your bullshit because hurt people, hurt people. But you—you're dancing on the line I've set between us." You quickly spat.

"Then just fucking leave me if being with me is so hard!!" He exclaimed angrily as he shot you a glare. "Fine!! Take your time to choose between me and your precious sake!!" You yelled back, you walked back to the doorway and slammed the door shut and walked away without another word.

"Fuck.. fuck.." Dazai muttered to himself. He couldn't believe what just happened. You had never done that, usually you'd hold him tight and apologize—but this was different. "What the hell did I just do.."

You walked through the streets of Yokohama with an arrow through your heart. You didn't know whether to stay and help him the next day or leave and never return. You knew he only said those words because he's drunk but you also knew that you shouldn't excuse such words and actions.

After an hour you came back to the apartment, the lights were off and Dazai was on the couch, hugging a pillow tightly. You sighed, knowing that you'll come back to him in each and every argument.

You went up to him, got on your knees and sat on the floor near his face. You looked at him fondly with a soft and caring smile on your face while you gently swept stray hairs that covered his face. "I'm sorry.." he mumbled. You didn't answer him, you only caressed his cheek gently.

It seemed like he chose you—at least that's what you thought. In his mind he was still thinking about which he loved more, you or sake?

Spontaneous post: 07/02/23 12:35PM GMT+8 Philippine Standard Time