#all my rights are being taken away
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
vent post
#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO#anxiety is a hell of a thing#and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever#i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up#and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken#but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship#i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it#i am cringe and i am free#self post#vent post#altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read#too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll#i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made#i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol#i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim#i think both things can be true#i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like#while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium#“perfectly balanced as all things should be”
278 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter 83 - Loss
#boku no hero academia#deku#izuku midoriya#bnha#my hero academia#the loss. the grief. the fear. the defeat. the genuine fucking tragedy in his face#the raw emotion#the scream that probably threw out his voice#the terror#there's so much to this panel#the blur effect on it to really drive home how hard he's screaming in pure genuine anguish#he failed. he couldn't save someone.#and that someone is... the person he genuinely cares about the most (besides y'know his mom)#that's his friend. that's his best fucking friend they grew up together.#imagine. imagine seeing the person you grew up with being taken away by villains.#you don't know what they're going to do to him#for all he knows they're going to KILL him. they don't know why they took katsuki yet.#for all he knows? they could be about to make katsuki into a nomu.#you just know all the possibilities are playing through his head so fast right now and all he can do right now is just... scream#it's the uncertainty. he doesn't know if he's ever going to see katsuki again.#and... he's sixteen.#he's a kid#he's a kid and he just watched his oldest friend. the person who he knows best and who knows him best.#get taken away from him by genuine actual murderers.#sure. they fight a lot. and they butt heads. and they don't really get along perfectly well at this point in their lives.#but the years before (and the years after)? they're friends who care about each other. and they still care about each other now.#even if katsuki doesn't want to admit that we know it's true from all the other shit he does#and now izuku is there. thinking that there's a chance that the last time he ever would see katsuki again was right then in that moment.#and you just have to sit back... and go... fuck. man. he's a child.#i genuinely almost hit tag limit on this post sorry guys KJDHJKH
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright#all things considered#it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing#as far as todd’s concerned neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ +#‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isn’t really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person#he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree +#(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of the most beautiful things about being a Christian is the fact that I can take my sorrows, my worries, my pain, my joys, my desires, my hope--all of it!--directly to God. And he cares about it. Even when it's small and personal, and even when it's so big I can't deal with it myself. I can take all of it to him, and I know he will take care of it.
#there is so much peace even when I have a lot to trouble me#i was absolutely devastated today to learn something (it doesn't directly affect me but it hurts me to know about it)#and I couldn't deal with it myself#and I haven't been the greatest at keeping actively in prayer recently#but this was so big I had to take it to God right away#and the peace I have now that I've done that is so great#sometimes it feels like “WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING”#and i don't for a second want to dissuade someone from doing something if they have the means and the abilities and the backing to do it#BY ALL MEANS IF THE LORD WILLS IT GO AND DO IT#but some things are beyond our abilities#beyond us in every way#but if it still bothers us we can take it to God and rest assured that in taking it to him#we have done more than if we had personally tackled the issue ourselves#because what is impossible even for the most powerful person on earth is not impossible with God#and we are promised that if we pray in accordance to his will he will answer those prayers#so i have taken my pain to God and I came back feeling renewed#what a friend we have in Jesus#how blessed to be able to take my sorrow to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE#i am so grateful for being the uniquely Christian ability to approach our God and speak to him directly#he is so so good
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
100 word drabble exercise.
Prompt: taken
He was giggling again. Quietly, under his breath. Marinette pretended not to notice, but she couldn’t stop her own smile.
Across the table, Nino sighed, a pointed look over his glasses. “Adrien, what,” he said flatly, already knowing the answer.
Alya simply rolled her eyes.
Adrien beamed, raising his and Marinette’s already joined hands over the table. The smile made his words lilt at the ends. “She said yes,” he replied, emphasizing their matching charm bracelets with a shake and a lovelorn sigh. “We’re dating.”
Nino’s face held all the exhaustion of an older brother. “So you said. Thirty times.”
Send me one word, I'll write you 100
#hundred word drabbles#adrinette#miraculous#my writing#i've had this prompt in my drafts forever and i remember being really excited about it but then i forgor#originally it was gonna be like adrien going 'teehee she's taken' but that makes marinette like property sorta and adrien wouldn't do that.#the only rule here is that it has to be 100 words so the prompt is vibes only ok.#anyway i'm adding the link here soooo if you want to send me a prompt...😳#i can't guarantee i'll do it right away but i need to light a fire under my ass so to speak#having something to procrastinate always works#but not right away because i miss my space chicken bf and i have to go listen to his voice lines until i cry#if u read all this reblog with a 3 in your tags if u support me#omg i forgot the miraculous tag of all things
44 notes
·
View notes
Note
As a big sibling with a lil sib with epilepsy, when they read TBC they Honestly thought if they got struck with lightning reciting the lord's prayer they'd be cured like Shadowsight is from their epilepsy. I had a discussion with them on how that's not how it works, but ge was so upset they took it away from Shadowsight that he hasn't picked the books back up and has stated that 'he hopes Ashfur wins and starts a new religion.,'
I do not even know how to respond to this besides saying that your little sibling is 100% right to be pissed and I now also hope Ashfur wins and starts a new religion.
#Legit I did not know that Shadow's epilepsy being taken away was so deeply upsetting to SO MANY people#I put it back because putting it back was just the right thing to do (even asked the small following I had at the time what type to portray#(they picked the full tonic-clonics. I would have just done localized or absence if they'd asked me to)#And I did all that research for one single anon who asked for an epilepsy herb guide#So holy cow I didn't know that SO MANY people were snubbed and upset by canon's choice to do that. I'm so sorry#Your little sib isn't missing anything btw they do just go on to confirm that Shadow no longer has seizures.#In book 4 of TBC they say that it was all Ash all along and that's what they've stuck with into ASC#I'm sitting on an essay about... That plot thread. The Ashfur Grooming one#But it's in my drafts because I was a bit afraid of controversy#because i think it was written poorly. Even on top of Book 4's pivot to retcon away Shadow's seizures#I know a lot of people like and are invested in the grooming subplot of TBC. But. I think it was executed AWFULLY#and its really telling that THIS is the plot they tout as grooming *by name* in-canon.--#--and that Shadow has to 'pay' for what he 'did' in some way as if there was ever a choice in the books they wrote--#--But seemingly didn't even seem to clock that what was happening in Spotted's H was grooming until there was intense backlash#and a big part of my contention is the way that Book 4 suddenly tries to retcon that Shadow was groomed from the time he was a child#when it was actually part of book 1 that Shadow was able to personally tell the difference between a real vision and Ash's suggestions--#--BECAUSE he didn't have an accompanying seizure#So like... just know it's also NOT just 'you' if you connected to the character that was epileptic. It WAS there. It was a BIG part of him#Book 4 retconned it so that his epilepsy was part of a long scheme when before that point it was part of him#''ohh ur destiny is to see into the shadows'' BULL SHIT!!#bone babble
112 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m so serious you can say as many fuck jkrs as you want but you’re still supporting a woman who is steadily endangering the lives of so many queer and trans people everywhere. You can’t death of the author someone who is gaining influence and impacting lives more every day. Even understanding the prejudices baked into her work and navigating them in a conscientious way won’t stop her from funding political parties. She’s been extremely open about how she perceives ANYONE who still engages with the HP franchise as a supporter of her views. How can you actively choose a media that you enjoy over a trans woman’s right to exist within society??
#the truest repairman posts#This counts for “marauders” too btw.#Your fandom was built on racist caricatures and slavery endorsement. If in this day and age you still defend it#Or even participate in it#Don’t follow me#or interact with me or whatever#anti harry potter#fuck jkr#Listen I grew up with HP. Target audience#Honestly it makes me sick now. I can’t IMAGINE being able to just ignore the fact that my rights are being taken away#Because people care more about an imaginary world.#Trans#btw I am aware that her views are negative towards ALL trans people#But I believe she thinks she’s “helping” “lost women” and so focuses on specific targeting of trans women differently than she does#Her perceived misled women.#God she’s disgusting#Vent
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jinshi always having his favourite things taken away is such a fucked up memory actually can we talk about it more please???
#the apothecary diaries#imagine being a 5 y.o something and you not allowed to be obsessed or take a liking to a single TOY#like that would fuck me up so bad#i once saw a dog training video (?) idk its been a long time ive forgotten it#and basically after theyre taken from the hound. you gotta train them to be patient with their food and stuff#i.e making them wait a certain time before eating#they've gotten so used to inhaling their food quickly because there's this fear of their food being taken away by other dogs#AND I KNOW THIS CANT BE COMPARED#but like#i think about it sometimes#and it hurts :(#all his impatience regarding maomao. is that not the same as the dogs not wanting their food be taken away? :(#i think my periods coming up this is making me emotional way more than it had any right to
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
Valicer Polyship Week 2024, Day Four: Let’s Dance (Severance AU)
We've reached Day Four of Valicer Polyship Week 2024, inspired by @polyshipweek, and our prompt today is "Let's Dance!" Because, while I don't talk about it as much as I used to, I am still a huge fan of my various ships dancing together. :D And I knew exactly what AU I wanted to pair the prompt with -- my new Valicer Severance AU! Otherwise known as "I Owe My Soul To The Company Store" after that one music video I reblogged. Severance the TV show has a rather iconic scene of the Innies getting a "Music/Dance Experience" in episode 7 (you can watch it here if you are so inclined -- warning, it takes a turn for the violent near the end, as one of the main characters is on edge after learning something interesting about his Outie's life the night before), so I figured this prompt would be the perfect opportunity to do my take on what an MDE would look like for my Innie trio. :) Hope you enjoy!
--
DeeedledeeedleeDIIING!
Smiler jerked their hands away from their keyboard, blinking. Across from them, Victor jumped, looking around. “W-what was that?”
“Sounded like it came from Smiler’s computer,” Alice said, getting up and peering over the partition separating their desks. “What did you do?”
“Nothing!” Smiler insisted, eyeing their set-up suspiciously. “I just sorted another set of numbers, and then that happened.”
“Well, you must have done something different.” Alice leaned on the partition, smirking. “Did the numbers make you feel a prohibited emotion? Ennui, perhaps?”
Smiler stuck out their tongue at her. “You know this entire job is one big study in ennui,” they said, studying their screen to see if there was anything new and exciting. There were the usual bins at the bottom, waiting to be filled with pointless bullshit; there was the giant field of numbers in the middle, a sea of remorselessly ridiculous digits; there was the name of the file at the top, the never-to-be-explained “Hill Valley;” there was the progress bar next to that – “Oh! I made 75%!”
“You – wait, really?” Victor said, getting up and coming over for a look.
“Yeah, look.” Smiler pointed at the bar. “Didn’t even realize...so I guess that was a ‘good job’ noise.”
“Huh – congratulations, then,” Alice said, looking slightly impressed despite herself. “First time any of us have managed that with a file – Wheatley!” she called over to their supervisor. “Smiler got 75% on Hill Valley!”
“They what?” Wheatley came zooming over on his rail to see, stopping just over Victor’s shoulder and making him duck out of the way. “Oh, look at that! That’s fantastic!” he declared, flexing his outer plates. “That means you, Smiler A., get an MDE!”
“MDE?” Smiler repeated, brow crinkled.
“Music/Dance experience! A five-minute dance party – DJed by yours truly,” Wheatley added, spinning on his rail. “Let me get the cart – just a moment!”
He zipped off, humming to himself. Smiler watched him go, then looked back at Victor and Alice. “I – I gotta admit, I’d kind of forgotten that was a thing,” they said, brushing their bangs out of their face.
“So had I,” Victor said, going back to his own desk. “Hang on, there must be something on it in the handbook…” He pulled it out of his drawer and flipped through it. “Here we are – yes, it’s the tier just below 100% completion and Cake Day. I’m not surprised we forgot, though – like Alice said, none of us have ever gotten that far on a file before.”
“They must have forgotten to expire yours before you hit the magic number,” Alice said, smiling. “Well, good to know that we can get rewards other than those stupid erasers and finger traps. Just don’t get your hopes up about the cake.”
“I won’t, trust me,” Smiler said, crossing their heart with a finger. “Besides, with our luck? I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave us a giant wad of tuna fish in the shape of a cake instead.”
Victor pulled a face. “If they did that, I’d burn this fucking place to the ground.”
“Can we get that in writing?” Alice asked, leaning on her hand.
Before Smiler could point out that there was no way any of them were getting access to matches anytime soon, Wheatley returned, followed by a little motorized cart that skidded to a stop beside Smiler’s desk, bearing a trio of cheap party hats in Aperture-approved orange and blue and a couple of speakers. “Here we are! Wouldn’t let me connect to it at first, but I had a few words with it,” he said brightly. “All right, so – just pick your genre of music and your accessory, and we’ll be off!”
“Accessory?” Smiler repeated – then jerked back as a drawer on the cart popped out practically into their lap, bearing a maraca, a pair of castanets, a party horn, a set of bells on a stick, and a single sad glowstick. “Oh. Uh – so – I just – pick something?”
“Yup! Grab your item, then you can choose your music,” Wheatley said, rolling his optic down toward a laminated list of musical genres lying atop the cart. “And then it’s party time! Wooo!”
Smiler snorted. “You’re happier about this than I am,” they noted, looking through their “accessory” options.
“Well, it does mean that I’ve been doing a great job as your supervisor,” Wheatley said, in a tone that said that if he had a nose, he’d be putting it in the air. “And besides, this isn’t like when you guys made those race cars out of office supplies, or went wandering off and petted those baby goats, or had your little make-out picnic in the kitchen. This is an Official Aperture Science Macrodata Refinement Incentive! Miss Glados can’t say a word about us taking five minutes to boogie!”
A grin slowly spread over Smiler’s face. “...that’s a good point.” Sure, corporate-mandated fun was probably far from the best fun they could have down here, but it was definitely the safest. And Smiler really enjoyed the idea of Miss Glados steaming over seeing them happy, but being unable to do anything about it. They picked up the glowstick and gave it a little shake, watching it light up a pleasant banana yellow (not that they ever remembered seeing a banana, but they were reasonably sure that was right). “This feels me.”
“It does,” Alice agreed, coming around to look at the list of music as the drawer retracted as violently as it had extended. “As for your music choices...you’ve your pick of Defiant Jazz, Bawdy Funk, Playful Punk, Wistful Pipes, Effusive Ska, Bouncy Swing–
“That one,” Smiler cut in with a nod, getting up. “This is supposed to be a party, isn’t it? Let’s have the happiest music we’ve got.”
“Sounds good to me! Now, everybody, this is in Smiler’s honor, but you should all feel free to get up and dance!” Wheatley announced, as if he was talking to a giant crowd instead of just three people. “Let’s get this party started!”
Right on cue, the lights dimmed, then started cycling through a rainbow of different colors as out of the cart’s speakers came the most upbeat, high-tempo music Smiler had ever heard. Not that they actually recalled ever hearing any music before, but that just made this tune all the more exhilarating, sending a thrill straight through their bones. Their feet seemed to move of their own accord, catching the beat and sending them spinning across the floor. Laughing, Smiler let their body take control, shaking their glowstick to the rhythm of the horns. Good to know some part of me knows how to dance! Would have been embarrassing otherwise!
“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” Wheatley cheered, bobbing to the beat as best he could while Smiler soft-shoed about. “Come on, Victor, Alice! Not a party with just two people!”
Victor smiled awkwardly and began very tentatively to sway on the spot, raising his arms slightly. Alice, by contrast, immediately threw herself into the music, waving her hands in the air and doing some very interesting hops and skips around their cubicles. “What is that?” Smiler laughed, boogieing over her way.
“No bloody clue, but it feels right!” Alice responded with a big grin, grabbing their hands and swinging them around before flinging them away. She promptly bounced over to Victor, grabbing his hands in turn. “Come on – we know you can do better than that!”
“I don’t,” Victor said, though he did let Alice pull him forward, closer to the cart.
“Well, we wouldn’t actually know if you messed up,” Smiler pointed out encouragingly, making their way over and bumping their shoulder against Victor’s side before fluttering their eyelashes up at him. “Please?”
Victor snorted. “You’re very silly,” he noted, picking up the rhythm more as he moved from side to side. “Both of you.”
“That’s why you love us,” Alice said, twirling herself into his arms before gazing up at him adoringly.
Victor smiled down at her, then over at Smiler, freeing a hand to beckon them over. “Yes. Yes it is.”
Smiler followed his finger, their heart going all warm and runny at the deep fondness in Victor’s eyes, and the cheeky little grin on Alice’s face. Not for the first time (or the second, or the third, or the fiftieth), they found themselves wishing they could leave this stupid fucking office and actually go outside. Go live an actual life somewhere together, where there were windows and seasons and as few numbers as possible. Where they got eat things other than tuna fish sandwiches and do things other than sit at computers all damn day. Where they could be together without constantly worrying about cameras and Miss Glados and the Break Room. Where they could dance for more than five minutes to whatever music they liked.
But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, if ever. Not with everything they were owned by fucking Aperture and its goons. But they still had these five minutes, and Smiler was determined to make the most of them. They slid under Victor’s arm and snuggled up to him, slipping their free arm around Alice. She pulled them in close, and together they bobbed to the music, just enjoying each other’s company and the break from the endless sorting. One day, Smiler quietly vowed, glancing at their partners. One day, we’re getting out of here, whatever it takes. And when we do, the first thing I’m doing is dancing with both of you for real.
#valicer polyship week#PolyshipWeek24#valicer#fanfic#alice liddell#victor van dort#smiler alton#the smiler#corpse bride#alice madness returns#valicer severance au#was excited to write some fic for the latest AU that's taken up residence in my head#hopefully you all enjoy it#I was originally going to go with Defiant Jazz like in the episode of the same name#but then I looked at some of the other music options on the Severance wiki#and decided 'Bouncy Swing' was more Smiler#actually listened to swing music while editing this to get the right feel#also the file is named 'Hill Valley' because the files in Severance that are refined are named after cities and#well this thing is already partly a BTTF crossover too :P#oh and if Victor saying fuck and Alice being okay with him saying he'd burn the place down feel kind of OOC?#that's INTENTIONAL#Victor doesn't recall having a mother who would probably be on him in a millisecond if he swore#and Alice naturally doesn't remember the fire#isn't having all your personal memories locked away from you fun?#queued
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Something I really don't understand are the assumptions people on the side Israel seem to hold about everyone who is free Palestine, I.E. that we don't think the hostages should be returned or that we think all Israeli citizens deserve to die for the crimes of their government. Like I'm sure there are people who think that, which is gross and frankly unacceptable, but the fact that they approach everything said in support of Palestine from that angle isn't okay either. All that they are doing is trying to simplify everything in a way that makes Israel the indisputable victim and everyone who opposes them into an antisemitic monster when the reality is that most of us just believe in the value of ALL human life and don't think more than 23,000 peoples lives are acceptable collateral damage. Like we just think that Palestinian civilians should have basic access to food, water, healthcare, and shelter and should not be facing arrest just for being Palestinian as if that somehow makes them inherently dangerous, where are you getting the batshit assumptions from in statements like that?
#every time I have made a post in support of palestine I get anon messages accusing me of thinking the hostages shouldn't be returned#or that i don't care that a little more than a thousand israeli civilians died on oct 7#as if me saying that I believe in a need for a ceasefire means i think that their lives are unimportant#this is literally how all the conversations go#me: 'i dont think that thousands of people should be dead while thousands more are injured and starving'#an anon in my inbox: 'oh so you think all jews deserve to die'#like no - shockingly - a person who believes in human rights is just calling out the fact that a huge group of people#have had their basic rights taken away by the israeli government#and they are now being forced to live in intense fear of death and starvation#anyway i was sent into an anger spiral about this seeing what people are saying about the ICJ trial#this is by no means a comprehensive post of my thoughts I just needed to get them out
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
i got my wisdom teeth out (abridged version, i was not put under, i babysat a half hour later. long story) and i am in PAIN. also taking out the bloody mess of a gauze every hour fucking sucks. i almost yakked every time i pulled it out of my mouth. the worst part? every time i burp i taste remnants of paper towel. i need to know if anyone else can relate. this is so gross. im tired
#long story short i was going to go to the consultation then babysit#and it turns out the dentist was like 'wanna just get it done now? it'll only take a half hour'#'umm no thank u i have to babysit :) what about tomorrow?' 'really? tomorrow? you're already here!'#your tooth is already infected. you don't want to risk having to go to the emergency dentist' or something#'you don't want to have to drive back out tomorrow. our clinic prefers to do same day procedures'#like sure ok !#this was all said assuming i'd be able to handle babysitting after and the family that i work with was so sweet (albeit so confused about#it all haha)#i don't understand why my wisdom teeth removal had less recovery time and i didnt need to be put under#especially because i essentially needed a bone graft as well because of my sinuses being right next to my teeth#this isn't like a scammy dental clinic though i think there's so many stories of regular dentists trying to upsell#i did get a several hundred dollar discount on the procedure because they didn't take my insurance#only place that'd take my insurance is 2 hours away lol#my mom has a health insurance card she has to put money on every paycheck and in this instance it really worked out#bc if not itd never be taken care of#the gauze part was so hard#also the mom didnt come home til 45 minutes after i was supposed to go home and i was lowkey in agony#because the numbness wore off#and the gauze was so disgusting#i was like. so fed up i lowkey wanted to cry while building blocks with the little kid lol#ibuprofen fully kicked in as im typing this actually we r okay
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
story time!
What Happened to Dimple
In late summer, Ritsu got very ill. He couldn't keep any food down and he was too weak to walk. Their limited food supplies were running out in the middle of nowhere, and Dimple was the only functional person in the group. Ritsu was out of it, and obviously Mob, a zombie with no goals except "eat whatever is in front of me" and "hang around with little brother", was little help on the finding-new-food front.
So Dimple had to find some way to keep Ritsu alive.
Before starvation set in, Dimple decided to intervene. It played out okay at first. He tied Ritsu to a tree (tied ropes around his torso, knotted them behind the tree trunk so Ritsu couldn't reach) and took Shigeo with him to go acquire some food from whoever passed by on the road they're traveling on first.
(he took Shigeo because he couldn't leave him with no able-bodied guardian—better to be safe than sorry, especially because. y'know. they're on the edge of starvation, and Shigeo is a zombie. but obviously Ritsu, dehydrated and dizzy, interpreted this as "Dimple Might Be Finally Stealing My Brother" despite Dimple trying to explain.)
(Ritsu didn't really protest, though. he was too weak to do much and also he didn't want to get eaten. he just let it happen. he hoped Dimple would come back. he hoped he was just being paranoid.)
the first food source they ran into, unfortunately, was a group of humans traveling with a cart. Dimple didn't really have qualms about stealing, but he tried asking peacefully first, using his "power over the zombie" (e.g. he convinced Shigeo to take a few steps back and Shigeo obliges him) to demonstrate that they could be a major threat. (he was bluffing, of course. Shigeo wasn't being "held back" by Dimple, he's just vibing.) and he was given food! food and water and even toilet paper and a blanket!
so then Dimple returned to their camp with Mob and the supplies, but the people they stole from were a trap—a convoy that deliberately draws people in so they can gauge parties' strength before stealing from them in return. Dimple and the Kageyama brothers got attacked by one (1) guy with a gun, because that's about all the firepower the convoy thought they needed to risk on this little group.
Dimple could've just given up the supplies and tried again. But the thing was, Ritsu didn't really have enough strength in him for that.
If Ritsu didn't get food and water and rest here, he really might have died. Also, they'd have to give up their ammo, which was what they were planning to trade for food in the next settlement they come to.
Dimple looked around. He looked at Shigeo, a half-baked plan to get Shigeo to Do Something forming, and saw him kneeling by Ritsu, eyes half-lidded, looking unresponsive. but Dimple knew Shigeo's body language by then, and he saw how his shoulders were subtly hunched over toward Ritsu, and instantly Dimple knew that the kid's patience had run out. going away from Ritsu with Dimple had been a big concession and now Shigeo was done.
So. Dimple took the supplies and lured the guy with the gun a little way away from the boys, and then he just straight-up attacked the guy. not with a gun, because he was forced to leave the guns in the camp with Ritsu.
Dimple dropped the supplies and made a move. He got shot, and it was Loud. but it just grazed his shoulder, so he managed to drag the guy away from the supplies. Dimple's goal was to prevent the boys from seeing any more death, and he succeeded.
Ritsu, meanwhile, heard that gunshot.
He'd been sleeping most of the time Dimple was away. He was a little more alert by the time Dimple got back, although still physically wiped. He heard that gunshot and froze. And then, doing rapid calculations and realizing that he was danger if Dimple was dead, he started fighting the ropes. He had to get away he had to get Shigeo away he had to RUN.
He fought the ropes silently at first, and then, slowly, his brain progressed from the logical "if Dimple is dead we're in trouble because that man knows our location" to "Dimple is dead, Dimple is dead". he started making a horrible cry as he tried to get free. He wasn't crying, exactly, didn't let himself relax that much, he was just making this kind of frustrated, despairing wail sound.
Shigeo had been watching Ritsu thrash and wriggle in increasing certainty that something was happening, but he didn't know if it was good or bad. The sound, though, the sound was bad. So he tried to help.
He helped by just pulling on the ropes, first, which broke Ritsu's ribs.
but he stopped when Ritsu made a pain sound and, for one of the first times Ritsu has seen him do this as a zombie, did something related to tool use. he went to the supplies and brought Ritsu a knife.
so the Kageyama brothers survived! yay!
#my zombie au#Dimple killed the guy. and dragged the body away from the site of the killing. he meant to get rid of the body#but what Dimple didn't realize was that the stress of the wound destroyed the balance his body had struck with the disease#so then he kind of speedran the 'becoming a zombie' process again without realizing it was happening to him#as he walked with the corpse he started getting more and more tired and single-minded (have... to... get... further... away...)#and he didn't notice he was experiencing anything more than blood loss#until the disease had taken his mind again#and he was just walking and walking and w....#also. hng. imagine Ritsu's perspective after the fact#from Ritsu's perspective#he'd doubted Dimple's intentions and partly resigned himself to being left to die. he was just hoping Dimple would return#and then Dimple came back with food and everything was going to be all right#and then Dimple went and got himself killed for them.#and no wonder Ritsu doesn't talk about it with Shigeo!!! this is Guilt Boy remember!!!!#the bandit convoy actually took Ritsu and Shigeo in for a little bit after that. they felt bad for them. for (they suspected)#getting their guardian killed. and they knew that Mob was very gentle. they saw it first-hand from Dimple earlier after all#they saw no issue with allowing this kid and his zombie brother to rest up with them for a while. not like the zombie was likely to—#—to survive long anyway—let alone hurt anyone. not as long as they kept him fed while his feverish brother was recovering#and they were really just a bunch of lost young adults trying to gather enough supplies to buy their way into a community#but once Ritsu's ribs were healed enough to move on#he snuck himself and Shigeo out in the middle of the night.#Ritsu got a lot of information from that convoy#including the rumor that (of all places) one of the splinters of his hometown (Seasoning City) had a cure
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
a couple of weeks ago my grandma was taking in her sewing machine to be oiled by this guy she used to live near who fixed sewing machines as a side hobby/hustle, and she offered to take in my broken machine as well. i'd been avoiding taking it to this guy (because why would i take my machine to a random old man who isn't even running a real buisness??) but i was like meh my grandma can drop it off, either he'll fix it or he'll tell me he can't do it and i'll get it back without talking to him and take it to a real shop like i've been putting off, i guess that sounds fine.
so she took it in and apparently a piece was broken on my machine (which used to be my mum's btw, it was a gift from my grandma that she took back when my mum died bc i was too young to use it), and he couldn't order the piece, so he couldn't fix it. but i was like that's fine, it's just some random old guy, i'll try looking for the piece it take it into an actual shop.
and then my grandma told him he could have it for spare parts.
i got the new broken to me fifteen minutes ago, when she said "and he asked if he could have it for parts because he wanted one of the pieces and he'd waive the cost of my oiling and i said sure, and bought you a cheap one from walmart".
#bear in mind i'm fucking tired out of my mind from standing literally all day at work#and already tired of talking to people#and now my grandma is casually telling me that she gave my machine away for parts???#not asking - telling. and telling me she was going to bring the new machine over for me to look at#like how am i supposed to protest?? i don't want to fight with my grandma and some random old guy#but my dad already knew (and gave me no heads up bc he was like 'well it's between you and her')#and he called her back and said i wanted the machine back#which i also feel shitty about like im 24 i should be able to fucking do that myself#but it's 10pm and im so so tired and i have work tomorrow and i dont want to argue with my grandma#i didn't even want to send it to this guy in the first place but she was insistent and i know that my machine being broken was worrying her#if my dad hadn't have called her i would've just taken the new machine.#and im worried that my aunts will be upset with me bc they were already kind of upset at me for taking my mum's machine back#im worried the attitude will be 'well it was her machine she can do what she wants with it'#but she gave it to me. she offered it to me so many times over the years and then actually gave it to me.#how can you still call it her machine#she has a new fucking machine#and then what if i get it back and it turns out it really is broken for real and the guy was right?#then what?#and i dont want some cheap machine from walmart. like she said herself that it was kind of shit and she wasn't sure i'd want it#but now shes BOUGHT IT. she's spent the fucking money on it bc she GAVE AWAY MY SEWING MACHINE#i dont want to be in this situation
3 notes
·
View notes