#all i haunt to do is spoop

[feroshgirlsims]

Coming October 14th...

Okay, so I have been working on some spooky season shenanigans...

The Haunting of Crumbling Isle

The Ghost Gang is back in a Halloween special brought to you by FeroshGirl Studios. Will the crew survive their investigation of Windenburg's Crumbling Isle? Or will the monsters prove to be too much? And just how many times will they get distracted by kissing each other? Paul Romeo and Sierra Moss star alongside their spouses and newcomer, Thorne Bailey, in a movie that is sure to put the "rave" in the graveyard!

(a billion thanks to @sirianasims for creating such lovely characters and letting me use them to make a completely unhinged little machinima just because I adore them)

(Also, a billion praises for the collab by @ice-creamforbreakfast and @surely-sims bc it is the perfect vibes for my Scooby-Doo knock-off completely original Halloween machinima)

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Shaken Not Stirred

Summary: Reader attends an investigation with her boyfriend Sam and best friend Colby. Unfortuantely for her, it doesn't quite go as smoothly as she'd hoped it would.

TW/CW: Reader gets scratched by a ghost and scared a few times. Sam Golbach x Reader

Requested?: No

A/N: Writing a spoopy imagine while watching spoopy Sam & Colby videos all with the lights off aside from red lights to up the spoopiness is fantastic. Surprisingly, I'm less spooped than I would be just watching Sam & Colby vids with the lights on and not multitasking lmao.

Y/N's POV

As we stepped into the abandoned, slightly decrepit haunted prison. We had spoken briefly with a friend of our guide outside before starting this tour and she had warned me, “Girl you are braver than I am.” Upon tilting my head at her, she continued, “I won’t ever step foot in that place after hearing so many stories from other ladies. Stick close to your boys.” Apparently, the entities in this place enjoy messing with and scaring ladies the most.

Colby’s voice brings me out of my thoughts, “Dude, look at this place!” I scan my eyes around the immense entry hall. The cement walls impose a sense of dread. The stuffy sour smell of the place makes my stomach roil.

I instinctively inch closer to Sam who’s at my side. I can already tell the warning wasn’t falsely founded. Just being in here makes me feel extremely uneasy and very unwelcome. Dating a paranormal investigator means I’ve visited plenty of haunted locations but this one was much worse than any other.

As our guide began the tour, I practically glued myself to Sam’s side making him look down at me. “You alright?” He questions, concern written plainly across his face.

I think for a moment before nodding, “Yeah just already feeling unwelcome.”

The guide breaks in, “Ladies typically do feel set apart from the gentlemen. As this was a male only prison, they don’t typically take kindly to female visitors.”

Sam looks even more worried now, “You can always sit this one out.”

I shake my head, “I’m alright for now but I’ll let you know if I need to step out.” Sam nods as our guide takes that as his cue to continue on. The first bit of our tour goes pretty quietly. Just as I am starting to loosen up and shake the uneasiness, I hear someone or something whisper yell very closely to my ear. Having stepped away from Sam, I race back to him and nearly leap into his arms.

“What?!” He questions, voice full of worry, “What happened?”

I look up at him and then around at our group, fear etched across my face, “Did you guys not hear that?” Everyone shakes their heads spurring me to explain, “I just heard something whisper super loud in my ear. Like, I don’t know how you guys didn’t hear it.”

Sam wraps his arms tighter around me, “Do you need a minute?”

I bury my face into his chest to take a few deep breaths before shaking my head, “No, I’m alright. Let’s keep going.” Carrying on with the tour, I keep my head on a swivel and my hand tightly clasped around Sam’s.

By the time we begin our investigations, I’ve loosened up again. Sam sets out the two flashlights after explaining for the video what they do. Colby also sets out a REM pod and shows the camera what it does. As everyone steps away from the devices, the REM pod starts going nuts. “Alright, I guess that’s a good sign that we should get started,” Sam states to the camera. The boys begin bouncing around questions and receiving responses but the REM pod just keeps screaming at us.

Finally, having had enough of the high pitch shrill, I gave up my courage and speak up, “I’m sorry to interrupt boys but whoever is beside our little red light over there could you please step away? It’s starting to hurt my ears.” The device goes silent immediately upon finishing my sentence. Sam, Colby, and I look at each other in shock before they continue on with questioning the flashlights. After only a couple questions and answers, I jump close to Sam. Something had just whispered again. I bury my face in Sam’s chest once more as he rubs my back.

“I heard that one,” Sam says more to Colby than me, “There was a whisper.”

Colby shakes his head, “I didn’t hear it but she sure did,” he says motioning to me. I back away from my shelter and motion for the boys to continue.

After a while and a couple of investigations, Sam and Colby decide it’s time to bring out the Estes Method. As Colby goes under, Sam leans over to whisper to me, “Do you want to sit this one out?” I shake my head but take his hand in mine. Sam begins asking questions and immediately receives answers. As the questions get more intense, I hold Sam’s hand even tighter trying not to show how terrified I am. I know that if Sam knows how scared I am he’ll cut it and we’ll leave.

“Is there anything specific you’d like us to know before we leave?” Sam asks. We receive, “Yeah,” from Colby just as something grabs the back of my neck. I leap from my seat and scream so loud that Colby yanks the headset and blindfold off looking around slightly panicked. Sam jumps up to collect me in his arms, checking me over as I try to calm my shaking and my eyes dart around trying to pinpoint the source of my fear.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Colby asks, standing from his chair.

Sam, whose inspection has brought him around behind me, waves Colby over out of the corner of my eye. Colby steps behind me as I feel Sam lower the back of my shirt slightly and lift my ponytail. “Holy shit,” Colby mumbles as I see a flash and hear a camera shutter.

I hide my face in my hands as Sam gently spins me around to face them. He places his hands on either side of my face, “I’m here. I’ve got you. You are safe,” he pauses taking a deep breath, “Do you want to see it?”

I nod shakily, knowing he’s referring to the picture of whatever is on my back. Colby shows me the screen of Sam’s phone. There is four long scratches from my hairline to between my shoulder blades, thankfully not drawing blood. Saying nothing I simply bury my face in Sam’s chest once again and his arms immediately wrap around me. “She’s shaking,” Colby notes.

“Yeah, we need to leave,” Sam states already moving toward the exit. Colby collects the gear before quickly catching up to us. About halfway to the car, Sam stops and lifts me into his arms. Once we reach the car, Sam opens the passenger door and gently sits me down in the seat. I clutch onto his shirt, not wanting him to pull away but he takes my hands in his, kissing them before placing them in my lap and squatting down in front of me.

Sam brushes my hair away from my face and that’s when I finally notice the same fear from my face copy and pasted onto his. His hands shake slightly as he kisses my forehead. Looking into my eyes once again, “I love you but the next time I see you so shaken just walking into a location, you’re sitting out or we’re leaving. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you.” I nod my head and finally seeming content that I’ve calmed down he stands, “Pull your legs in, Darling.” I do as instructed before Sam closes the door and makes his way over to the driver side door as Colby slides into the backseat.

Colby leans forward and pats my head as Sam cranks the car and begins exiting the property. “You’re gonna be okay, Kid,” Colby affirms before he leans back to get comfortable for the ride home. Colby’s always been like a brother to me and no matter how well he hides it, I know he’s just as scared as Sam and I. Sam takes my hand in his as we make our way back to the hotel.

Masterlist

More Sam Golbach Imagines

[kippykasey]

Double Trouble

Summary: Who knew a vampire, Freddie Kruger, and Ghost face could have so much fun?

Word Count: 1021

Characters: Sam and Colby and Reader

More spoops from Kippy's Spoopy Saturdays

Halloween parties aren’t normally a thing you normally do. At lease not since you were younger. Now you are dragged along with your friend to not only a party but a block wide event. One house had a haunted ‘barn’ maze set up in the large side lawn. There was a whole garage decked out as a witch hut where the drinks were being stored and handed out. There was one house specifically set up to entertain the teens. A projector was set up playing the horror classics. Lights, music, smoke effects where everywhere. Which is probably how you lost your friend with in the first hour of arriving.

Your hand clutched onto your drink of choice as you slowly walked around trying to find your unaccounted for friend. You admired the different themes and the fancy technical displays. Every time you thought you seen them it just ended up being a stranger. After a while of looking you just gave up and sat on the edge of a stone wall between the projector set up and the road that was packed with people dancing.

Someone dressed in the black gown and hooded mask of Ghostface, calmly leaned against the wall next to you. “Waiting for someone?” The deep voice confirmed that this was most definitely a male.

Your head tilts to look over at him. “Nah I lost my friend already. Not really used to all this.” You gestured to the surrounding area with the hand holding your drink, the liquid swirling around.

“Well we can’t just let you sit on a wall all night like some kind of gargoyle. Colby.” He stands up straight, his arm draping over your shoulders as he holds up his hand.

You shook his hand and introduced yourself before Colby gives you a nudge to get off the wall. You get off your perch and were instantly guided through the crowd and towards the witch hut where you run into a blonde wearing a signature stripped shirt the recognizable burn scar mask tucked under his arm as he got himself a drink. “Sam I adopted a vampire.” Colby jokes making the blonde turn to look over with a smile.

You introduce yourself to Sam and he passes a drink to Colby who stepped away from you to remove his mask. With both of them not wearing a mask you recognized the two from their ghost hunting youtube channel. “I see why you’re wearing the masks.” You comment looking between them. They looked at each other before turning back to you.

The three of you head off to the side where some picnic tables were set up for the food that was available earlier. You sat around one of the tables each with your own drink. “So you recognized us huh?” Sam looked up at you as he sips his drink.

“Honestly now that I know its you I would have known Colby by his name and face alone but I thought it was a voice changer or something. Not to mention I don’t really know too many people with the name Colby. Realistically I would have overlooked what you guys but I was watching your videos while getting ready to come.”

Colby chuckled and you three talked for a while before agreeing to walk through the fake barn maze. There was a small line which allowed small groups no larger than 6 in at a time. Colby and Sam put their masks into the drawstring bag that was hidden under Sam’s costume as you waited and you all were able to toss your empty drinks in a garbage right before entering into near darkness.

A winding path greeted you three where between the two and a half winding corridors were four automated animatronics that provided a good jump scare before opening up into the first room. The red and yellow lit room was decorated with fake hanging body limbs with the center having a table with delimbed torso. Just as you got around the corner a female whimper drew your attention to a caged area where a disheveled girl was locked inside pleading for you to help her. As you moved closer a chainsaw roared to life behind you as a leather face dressed man charged out of the hidden corner chasing the three of you out of the room and into the next section.

As you made your way through the last 3 rooms you have been positioned somewhere between the two. You swear Sam jumped a foot off the ground when he was caught off guard at the last jump scare. Your thoughts were confirmed when you left and Colby began to laugh and called Sam out on it. From there the three of you bumped into each other as you walked on to the next thing you were off to do, which was carve some pumpkins which really just became a but if a mess of pumpkin guts that was tossed about your table until your group was asked to leave.

The two put back on their masks and you gladly took videos of them going around scaring poor people passing by. When your friend finally texts to meet up, you took a group picture with the two who were enjoying making trouble scaring people and sent it with the location to meet up. Sam and Colby hid them selves and waited until your friend arrived popping out and gave your friend a good scare before the three of you exchanged numbers agreeing to join them on a future ghost hunt before you left with your friend.

“Told you, you would have fun.” Your friend walks backwards, their phone out and up.

“Yeah, yeah.” You roll your eyes seconds before your head is bunched between your shoulders from the flinching reaction of two ‘Boos’ on either side of you accompanies by a Freddy Kruger and Ghost Face masks.

You turn playfully hitting the laughing guys on the shoulders as the turn to scurry away.

“Trouble I tell you. They are trouble.” You comment turning to your friend with a large smile.

[wings-of-ink]

i have so many thoughts and yet so little words available to me that can truly capture them but firstly, hello!!

oh my god where do i start….the beginning will do. i started and caught up in gc in two days and within one day i finished my replay. i finished this EXTREMELY detailed if 2x in the span of 3 days. ????? i’m speechless. i have zero words. i love this so much?? i love you and your brilliant brain what the heck????

the writing is impeccable, the characters are all so lovable i’m literally on the floor rolling around. AND THE WORLD LORE i’m a sucker for this stuff it’s so detailed, there’s quite literally a whole different world and i get transported in every damn time! the way mc’s hobby one way or another relates and contributes to their work,,,,, chefs kiss it’s so detailed i’ve been trying to dig up all the hidden details. like how my healer mc is good at doing stitches if she’s into needlework or how she soothes the patients if she’s into singing?? im in tears. i have devoured every crumb i could find and i feel like a caged animal at the zoo who’s shaking the bars of their enclosure to be let out every time i find something new. sorry does that come off as weird? im trying to convey how giddy this game has made me, its stewing in my head.

i feel like i’m bouncing off the walls and i’m so excited for chp4! i usually don’t comment or interact at all with creators because it’s kinda nerve wracking for me but as i said before the contents of this game has just been stewing far too much inside my cranium and i was ITCHING to say something 🙈 i might just loiter about and hang around as a little anony ghostie after this,,,,,,

aaaaa in short! you’ve rekindled my love for fantasy worlds with mountains worth of attention to detail and keep doing what you’re doing and thank you so much for gracing us with your work >_<

My toasted friend, you are way too kind and sweet (and delicious, I love brioche). I don't know what to say. I am so giddy that YOU are giddy over this! I am glad you send in your message, it lit up my day so much...and may have made my eyes a little misty (we'll keep that between us).

I'd be happy to have you haunt me! I love spirits and spoops! I can't wait to share more of the world with you, my dear. ^_^

[driftingjazzbard]

who are you in this haunted house?

The Mother

You pour everything you have left into those you love. Desperately, frantically you try to fix what is broken, but the cracks spread faster than you can mend. If only you can hold everyone together, then things might just be okay! However, you only have two hands and all anyone seems to do is pull away. Everyone is different now, even you, and pretending not to see it isn’t making anything better. You see the signs of things going wrong, of what is but should not be, and you try to warn them. You love with every fiber of your being, but try as you might, you cannot make them understand. They don’t listen, no one ever listens.

Stolen from: @xxlordalexanderxx

Tagging: idk just take it, i like this one a bunch, v spoop

[iamapoopmuffin]

I don't know a lot about Sonic but I want to know! 29 and 30 for ask game.

Aight, you didn't specify an OC so I'm gonna do a random one!

29. How would you describe their personality?

Menace is, as his name suggests, an absolute menace. He's energetic, eccentric and spooky. He loves all things horror and delights in scaring others, though he can recognise when he's gone too far. He has a nurturing side, as any of his companion chao will let you know. He has a very morbid sense of humour. Also if you threaten his chao, he won't hesitate, bitch. As well as this, a love of making money is definitely a facet of his personality. Opportunities to advertise his haunted house are taken in an instant. He's a good showman, and a good horror actor. The eccentric high energy spoop-tastic vibes are kind of Lilia vibes if you're a Twisted Wonderland fan.

30. What is their main goal/motive?

So far, Menace's goals and motives are pretty simplistic. Earn money, perform in haunted house with his spooky pets, scare the bejeebus out of people. The haunted house he does is very much just scare actors and scary atmosphere though, just an attraction for kids. What Menace would love is to one day travel to an actual haunted location and meet real ghosts. He knows they're out there, but he's never been able to get to the right places. He would take one look at King Boom Boo and go 'aw yeah new best friend'. Incidentally, Menace doesn't have many friends beyond his chao at the moment. More friends would be nice.

[elder-schraderham]

“Next patient...”

List of favorite Jeffrey Combs characters. [11/??] Dr. Richard Benjamin Vannacutt {House on Haunted Hill}

Suggested by @autisticabbey

[queerlyloud]

It's finally Spoopy Season again, so I would like to offer up just a few of my favorite Spoopy WLW stories. I'll do two for each type of media. 👭🎃👻

Please note: I will NOT be including trigger warnings for this list. I am putting it together because I want to provide a useful resource but I am not cataloging these works and I definitely won't be including any kind of professional reviews. I just want to offer up some Stories I Like, and if you're interested in any of them, you can do further research on your own. :)

🌸TERFS can Fuck Off 🌸

First, Podcasts! I looooove podcasts this time of year, they do so much for queer horror fans!

1. Mabel

This podcast is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES, I listen to it over and over again because it does the Fae as the eldritch horror creatures they are but also the romantic and often tragic figures they are and, most of all, as Not Human, and I just... deeply appreciate the entire aesthetic of this show. It is told through a series of voicemails left by two women trying to reach each other across impossible boundaries and I am just so here for it. 😭💕

2. Alice Isn't Dead

This podcast is soooo creepy, but it also explores grief and loss and what it means to go on afterwards. Told through radio transmissions from Kesha, a long-haul trucker out looking for the wife who had been pronounced dead, only to show up on a random news broadcast months later, and then again and again, always at the scene of some unbelievable atrocity. The story follows Kesha's journey as she tries to work through the betrayal of being left to mourn by the one she'd once trusted most and solve the mystery of what exactly had led her wife to abandon their home after more than a decade of building it together.

Next, my favorite Spoopy WLW shows! These give me so many feelings, and they are wildly different but I like them, and this is my list, so. 😌

1. Killing Eve

I KNOOOOOWWWW, alright, I KNOW it isn't technically a Spoopy Season pick, but it IS an awesome psychological horror (my favorite kind 🥰) which revolves around the twisted and complicated relationship between two women who are each, in their own ways, deeply fascinated, even obessessed with murder and death, and in their pursuit of it, end up becoming equally obsessed with each other. This show makes me so happy because it is unapologetically horrific but also somehow beautiful. I always think of this as the WLW Hannibal, and I stand by that. If you've ever hung out with mlm and also wlw, you'll know what I mean.

2. The Haunting of Bly Manor

This one is so soft! It has so many feelings and I would argue that there is only one (maybe one and a half) genuinely scary characters in the entire thing, which I know makes it almost not qualify for horror wlw, but it has the horror stuff in it (ghosts, murders, and creepy kids, oh my!) This one is my comfort spoop, so if you're looking for something a little less intense this Spoopy Season, this may be the watch for you. I watch it whenever I wanna let myself feel Big, Soft Feelings but also be vaguely creeped out, and also wanna look at lots of pretty ladies doing pretty lady things. All I have to say is:

🥰😍💖 Carla Gugino 💖 😍🥰

Finally, books! I'm going to rec a couple of books that I've either never or almost never seen recced. We all know about Gideon the Ninth (go read it 💕), but these books are ones that really did it for me when I read them and both of them were books I took a chance on and didn't regret it.

1. The Haunting of Heatherhurst Hall by Sebastian Nothwell

I've already written an actual review for this lesbian Gothic horror (I am using the word lesbian on purpose here, because it is the word the author used to describe it and it is important for textual context). This book is so gruesome and macabre and psychologically horrifying and simultaneously ethereal and grounded in the way it presents the story, a reflection of the characters of the two leads, as they are dragged into the tangled web of the seemingly cursed Heatherhurst Hall and the twisted ties of the bonds they've built with each other. If you love Gothic horror, old black and white movies, or scary lesbians, this is the story for you! Just be warned, this story is definitely not for the squeamish.

2. Women of the Dark Streets: Lesbian Paranormal edited by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman

Hoo, buddy, this one is a MASSIVELY mixed bag. It is a collection of lesbian short stories, sometimes erotic, sometimes not, sometimes unabashedly horrific, sometimes softer. Some stories are phenomenal, some are terrible, and some are in between, but for me, the ones I loved have stuck with me for years. I DNF several of the stories, but I also read and reread some of them over and over again. Definitely visit Goodreads to get a feel for which stories sound right for you before just diving in, because a few are definitely triggering. I love horror that doesn't apologize for being horror, so this book held a lot of appeal for me, and if that's your jam, it might be an awesome chance for you to find some new favorite short stories, too. I'll say it again just in case, though, this might be one to miss if you're squeamish.

So there are my Spoopy WLW reccs for this Spoopy Season. Idk if anyone will read this, or if I just wasted an hour of my life writing a long post no one will ever see, but either way, it was a fun thing to do and if it helps even one other person, I think I'll call it good. Wishing all of you the very best Halloween. 🧡🎃👻

[sandpumpkin]

Night of Terror List

Finally complied a list for all the spoops. It’s now added to a seperate Master List (clickable) since they aren’t Reader Inserts and I will be doing more non-reader boxes in future

Cavendish/hauntedhouse/treat

Kid/Cabin in the woods/trick

Crocodile/nightmare/treat

Drake/haunted house/ treat

Smoker/faceless People/treat

Sanji/sleep paralysis/trick

Killer/sea/Trick

Drake/drawn to the light/Treat

Robin/Church/Treat

Sabo/chased/trick

[yehet-me-up]

Frozen North ~ Night Five (final)

PAIRING: Chanyeol x reader

GENRE: Horror/Suspense/SPOOP in general/light romance (because who else would I be?)

WORD COUNT: 3,375

RATING: PG13 (nothing gruesome, but knowing me there will be swearing)

SUMMARY: You run a late night radio show dedicated to telling scary stories and urban legends, the creepier the better. Listeners call in and share their own, creating a small but loyal community of folks like you who love this sort of thing. One night, a man calls in with what sounds like an all-too-real story and before you know it, you’ll do anything to make sure he’s safe.

Frozen North Masterlist

You all sit in silence, staring at Jimmy. The clock on the wall hits midnight but no one makes a move. Faintly, though your headphones, you hear the ad reel kick in. 

Daniel comes into the booth a moment later. He folds his arms, looking haunted but ready for action. 'So, what the fuck do we do now?'

Jimmy spins the laptop so you can see the readout. ‘It was right here, I’m telling you. I’ve got it.’ He points to a large building on the outskirts of campus. ‘When the phone smashed, the signal died. But I’m certain.’ He opens up a new tab and overlays the UW map next to the program. ‘I got it.’

‘Albert Hall,’ you read over his shoulder. 'Why does that sound so familiar?'

Suse and Jimmy exchange a look. 'Let's go find him,' she says, as though it's as simple as that.

Logic wars with your desire to sprint out of the building and decimate anyone standing in your way to save Chanyeol. 'There were bars on whatever he's being held in, guys. And at least two people sick enough to do this. If we charge in there and get hurt, or worse, we won't be much help to him,' you say, chewing on your lower lip anxiously. 'Maybe we could call the police? Report a break in or something and they'd have to go investigate.'

'You're right,' Suse sighs, running a jittery hand through her hair. 'But, also. You know...' She gestures with her hands out the window and then back to the four of you.

'Fuck it.’ You stand up and pull on your jacket, heart racing. 'You're right. We can't wait.' Pulling out your phone, you dial 911.

Without even grabbing your bag you stride out into the hallway, pressing the phone to your ear. Shuffling follows you as Suse, Jimmy, and Daniel grab their coats and turn off the lights.

A female voice comes on the line. '911, what's your emergency?'

You stop in the kitchen and pull open the drawers, grabbing the only weapon you can think of - the long knife amongst the various utensils you all keep there for the odd lunch or dinner you eat at the station. The blade gleams in the moonlight coming through the hall window.

The distress and fear are all too real as they color your tone. 'Please, help me,' you say into the phone in a high voice. 

The dispatcher carries on with business-like efficiency. 'How can I help you, miss?'

Jimmy holds up the screen beside you as you carry on out the front doors into the night. The address flashes in thick red. You head down the hallway and push out the doors into the freezing night. 

'Some guys just took my friend into this building. We were just - we were just walking back from Schultzy's! They came out of nowhere.'

'Are you safe?' she asks. You can hear the clack of her typing in the background.

You feel the wooden handle of the knife in your hand and look at Suse, Jimmy, and Daniel beside you. 'I'm safe. But please, please, hurry.’ You pause to take a dramatic inhale of breath. ‘I think they had a gun.'

Suse smiles and nods at you. You hardly need Jimmy's whispered directions as you all move silently through the sleeping streets to the address listed. Something within you is pulling you towards Chanyeol and you swallow your fear down and keep walking as fast as your legs can carry you.

'I'm putting your address as 800 NE 42nd st, is that correct?'

Silently, you curse and hurry around parked cars. 'No, no I - I ran before they could grab me. It was 4120 11th Ave NE that they took him into. Please, hurry.'

If she thinks it’s strange you have the exact address ready, she doesn’t show it. 'Got it. I'm dispatching units now, please stay on the line while -'

You hang up and shove your phone in your pocket. Picking up the pace, you sprint over sidewalks until you stand outside the abandoned building. While it's clearly part of the row of stone and brick classrooms on the far end of campus, this one looks as though it in particular has fallen into disrepair. The trees lining the street behind you are dwarfed by the three-story rise of the building above.

The sign out front is warped with age. Albert Hall - Psychology Research Center

'Does it say precisely where in the building he is?' You whisper to Jimmy, as though the slightest sound will give you away.

He shakes his head. 'No. But I'm willing to bet it's through a back entrance.' He nods up at the boarded up front doors.

Your group moves around to the right side, closer to the University proper. Just a street away the city pulses with life and lights and noise, students enjoying the start of the weekend. But in this isolated corner, near the freeway. it's unnervingly quiet. The perfect place to lock someone up where no one would find them. In your mind you make a promise to Chanyeol and to yourself that this ends tonight. No matter what you have to do, by morning he'll be free.

The outside of the building is dark, sloping gently down the hill behind it. A gust of wind comes through the trees and you wrap your arms around yourself, careful to keep the knife's edge away. Holding your breath you wait for any sign of life or movement inside, praying you’re not too late. 

'There!' Suse whispers loudly a minute later, pointing to a flash of light in one of the lower windows.

You start moving towards it, blood pounding in your ears. 

Daniel holds your arm gently. 'The police are on their way, shouldn't we wait?'

The fear in your veins is strong, but something pushes you to keep going. 'It's Friday night in the U District, Daniel. I think it might be a while. I can't explain it but, we can't wait.'

He nods grimly and you all carefully pick your way down the slick grass hillside to reach the decidedly not boarded-up back door. Cautiously, you peek inside the darkened glass. Far down the hallway you see another flash of light, followed by a loud crash.

Suse uses the moment to pull open the creaking old door and she heads inside, leading the way. Daniel at the back gently braces it open with a doorstop and motions you all forward. If adrenaline wasn't coursing through your veins you'd take time to be horrified by the shadows in this place.

Your mind runs away with you in the darkness. Though you now believe that the people responsible for Chanyeol's predicament are in fact human and not supernatural, you can't help but wonder. About women in the night with terrifying eyes and wolves that move faster than they should. 

You reach the room where the noise is coming from and lean in to catch snippets of conversation.

'So what are we going to do with him, then?' a female voice says. It's oddly familiar.

The sound of pacing in the background increases. A male voice speaks, muffled at first and then louder. 'You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to this. There was never any other option.'

The woman counters in a contained scream - 'I didn't think you planned on killing him!'

Chanyeol. You clutch the knife tighter in your hand, readying for a fight. Peeking around the edge you see two figures circling each other in the faint light coming from a generator in the corner of the room.

The man turns and your stomach drops. 'Professor Langford?' you whisper to yourself.

He hardly looks like himself. His jacket is discarded on the floor and he holds a shaking, shadowed object in his hand. 'This was the deal. You help me get someone down here. Your silly little radio station gets a story worthy of national attention. And then we reach the end -' 

He walks closer to the light, pressing her against the wall. When his hand raises you see a gun, the barrel going to her forehead. 'I kill him and get my first-hand, up-close, look at what panic does to a community. I’ll finally have a case study worthy of tenure.’

You're so distracted by the fact that your goddamn professor is the one behind all this, you don't even pay attention to who the woman is.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ Suse asks loudly, incredulous, startling you. When you turn you see she's beside you, staring into the room. Arms crossed, ready for war. Suse isn't looking at the man, but at the woman. 'Jennifer?'

'Holy shit,' Daniel says, coming to peek between the two of you. 'Boss, what have you done?'

And holy shit indeed, they're right. The anguish on her face meets the harsh light and it’s aged her several years. Her normally loose blonde hair is braided back and a dark knit cap is pulled over it, but it's absolutely her.

In the startled silence you hear a banging sound against metal. Muted groans come from further into the room and you can just make out a cage in the corner - like a prison cell with thick bars, but slightly bigger. 

He hunches in the shadows, but you'd know him anywhere. For the last week your thoughts have been filled with nothing but him. You want to run to Chanyeol and get him the hell out of here, but the unstable look in the professor's eyes makes you hold your position.

Professor Langord uses the moment to pull Jennifer into his arms, pressing the gun to her forehead once more. The four of you move into the room, surrounding them, blocking the exit. 'Don't come any closer.'

As you stare each other down, other objects in the room come into focus. Noise machines you recognize from the station. Costumes, masks. A large poster is taped to the wall beside you - ice and a frozen lake as far as you can see. 

Disbelief makes you laugh, the sound hollow in the empty room. 'You made it all up?'

Daniel scoffs in disgust. 'You crazy bastard. The cops are on their way. It's over.'

Jennifer sags, shame coloring her features. She raises her hands defensively. 'Paul, stop this. It's over.' She looks at you and your friends. 'I'm so sorry, it - it wasn't supposed to be like this. We're losing our funding this year and we needed the money. I had no idea it would be... this -' she gestures back at Chanyeol and up at the building before lowing her eyes to the floor.

Suse hunkers down for a stand off. 'Let's wait for the cops and then we can resolve all of this.'

The professor makes a noise of distress and points the gun at you instead, shoving Jennifer to the floor. 'No! I'm not going down for this. There's plenty of bullets in here to keep it all quiet.'

He's deranged enough to do it; his hair in wild disarray and a feral hunger in his eyes you've never noticed before. You hold the knife in front of you, stepping around Suse. It’s your fault they all came along and, even if it’s pointless, you’re going to defend them.

With your free hand you shove them all back, behind you. The professor lifts it to be level with your head and terror surges in your veins as you hope to God you can dodge at the right time.

All of a sudden a thunderous bang comes from the corner and the professor turns at the sound. You use the moment, moving without thinking or hesitating. Rushing forward, you reach for his wrist, driving it back against the stone wall. He jerks, nearly losing the gun but maintaining his grip.

He attempts to aim it again, but you're faster. Teeth bared, you lift the knife and hold it to his throat. 'Move and I'll kill you, professor.'

The fight goes out of him, raising his free hand in surrender. You incline your head and call behind you, 'Daniel, grab the gun.'

He does, coming forward and relieving the professor of the weapon. Jimmy appears on your other side, pinning the man's other arm to the wall as well. 'Go get your man, we've got this,' he tells you.

Together they hold him against the wall. Suse flips the light switch and miraculously it still works. She stands guard at the door and watches Jennifer with disgust. Still on the floor, your boss’ knees draw to her chest as she sits upright with her back against the wall. She drops her head into her hands with a groan.

Noise and light spill the hallway, voices calling out. Suse sticks her head out and waves. 'Down here!'

You finally turn to the cage, now fully visible in the light. Chanyeol sits in the corner, his wrists bound in front of him with a length of rope. His wide eyes meet yours emphatically. He tries to speak around the length of fabric in his mouth and you want to sob.

'You're okay, thank God.'

You easily find the key to the enclosure and unlock the door. Dropping to your knees in front of him, you use the knife and cut off his bindings carefully. He reaches up and pulls the material out so he can speak. He's even more ethereal in person - with deep brown eyes, ears that stick out, and a full, pink mouth, he resembles a hero from a fairy tale, even with exhaustion clear on his face.

You can’t help it - you grin and reach for him, instinctually, automatically, before checking the motion. 

Your hands hang in the air and he watches them for a beat before meeting your eyes once more. Faster than you can process he sits up and pulls you against him in a slightly off-center hug. Gripping his arms you steady yourself, face pressing against his neck. The spell is broken and suddenly you accept that he's very real and tangible and here and alive. He smells like the ocean, even down here amongst the old tables and chairs. 

'Thank you,' he says, lips moving against your hair.

For a long moment you hold each other, in this strange and terrifying place, feeling against all odds as though you've finally come home. You want to cry with relief that he's whole. He was so close to you this whole time. You want to hug him tighter and keep him with you, to protect him from the world. Even if it's ridiculous, and though you've never met him before in your life.

But if telling myths and stories of the unknown for so long has taught you anything, it's that nothing is impossible. 'I can't believe you're here,' you say against him.

His hands find your shoulders and he eases you back to look at you, one hand moving into your hair. For a beat he simply drinks you in, amongst the noise and the sound of police in the room he watches you like you're the only person who exists. And then he surprises you completely by pulling you closer and pressing his lips to yours.

For long seconds his cold mouth meets your warm one, tasting and teasing and familiarizing himself with you while you hold onto him, believing abruptly that this must all be a dream. But then you join him, reaching for his face and tracing his skin while you sink into the kiss.

He pulls back and rests his forehead against yours. 'Your voice kept me sane in the darkness.' His eyes open and you know exactly what he means. He tilts his head and motions to a small radio on a ledge in the corner 'I'm so glad you finally found me.'

You blush, unable to help yourself as you push his messy hair out of his eyes so you can see him clearly. 'Any time. For now, how about we get out of here?'

He smiles and laughs, the weak sound finding a home in the hollows of your body. Together you stand, gently helping him off the floor. With him leaning heavily against you, still weak from his days of being in this place, you pull out your cell and dial the recent number.

She answers a beat later. 'Have you heard anything?' Yoora asks, voice tight with sadness.

Instead of answering you press the speaker phone button. Chanyeol bends, reading the name you called and smiling at you. Awe lingers in his eyes at the fact that you knew what he needed before he did. 'Sis?'

'Oh my god,' she starts. You hear the sound of things moving in the background. 'Chan? Are you okay?'

He grins, then winces and presses the hand not around your shoulders to his side. 'Not all the way, but I will be.'

Six months later - June

The station is still hot by the time you arrive in the evening; the summer sun clinging to Seattle well on into the evening. You know how the city feels and you want to hold onto the warmth, too.

Jennifer's office is still dark and you pass by it without looking in. Eventually, someone else will take her place. But for now, Daniel says the management is all filling in. Like so many things after a trauma, life carries on as it always has, and some wounds take longer to heal than others.

You hear his voice when you're in the hallway and grin. No matter how quickly you get out of your class or internship or TA duties Chanyeol still manages to beat you here. His exuberant, deep voice jokes with Daniel and when you peek in the door they're both looking at the computer. They’ve been thick as thieves since he helped you walk Chanyeol out of that godawful place and into the ambulance.

He notices you standing in the doorway and grins, the familiar crinkles coming to the corner of his eyes. 'There she is!'

You never know who does it first. If he reaches for you or if you reach for him. Or perhaps you're both drawn to each other like magnets, always reaching. He wraps his arms around you and you sigh, pressing a kiss to his chest.

Daniel makes a dramatic gagging noise and mutters 'get a room' that all three of you know he doesn't mean. Since the incident he's taken on even more of a protective vibe that now extends to Chanyeol as well.

When it’s finally time to start the show you swap out for Suse, hugging her like always. If anything, this has all brought you and her closer and the four of you are inseparable. 

‘Don’t have too much fun tonight,’ she teases, winking as she shuts the door behind her. 

With a laugh you assume your place on the far side of the desk, settling in where you’ve always sat. The headphones are the same. The switchboard of sixteen lines, waiting for people to call in, is the same. But what isn’t the same is the man who settles himself into a mirroring desk opposite you. 

He gives you a lopsided grin that makes is way into your voice as you start the show. 'Hello and welcome back to The Long Night on 107.9 KJWZ Seattle, where the dial might stop, but we don’t. I’m Y/N...'

After the story broke and everyone learned who you are it seemed silly to keep the nickname. The diehard listeners and people who called into the show know you on a deeper level now, and the show doesn't seem to be slowing down in the least. 

When everyone learned about the financial distress of the station, that Jennifer was hiding from everyone, the donations poured in. The thought of having this program, now shared by your boyfriend, gives you a sense of peace amongst all the change in your life.

'And I'm Chanyeol,’ he says. ‘We’ll be your host for the evening. Let’s get weird.' He winks and squeezes your hand beneath the booth.

~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @yeoldontknow​ @enthusiastt​ @itskindofafairything​ @gogh-suck-it​ @nshitae​ @jeons-moonchild​

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - “DEMON” HOUSE

IMDB BLURB: Paranormal investigator and moldy walnut Zak Bagans documents the most authenticated case of possession in American history.

WARNINGS: Zak Bagans is a fucking asshole. Correllation is not causation. Also mentions of suicide and murder. 

RATING: An 8 out of 10 on the demon scale

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. 

Munch: I'm Munchflower Zaius, paranormal movie investigator. I've investigated like 10 terrible paranormal movies this week. I don't have a t.v. show but if I did it wouldn't be a ghost hunting show. I'm one of the leading researchers on ghosts and demonology because if Zak fucking Bagans is then so am I - and this is the movie that really fucked Biscuits up. This movie was the next paranormal activity, it was the next Asylum movie, and I went all out. I had resources like Amazon Prime, a great crew of just Biscuits, I thought I was gonna crush this review. But in the end...nothing was as it seemed.

M: Biscuits fell ill and couldn't leave his room for 8 days, he didn't feel like himself. He screamed and wailed and tore at his hair. (no really ) He drew pictures of Zak Bagans and set them on fire.  I fired him or he quit or something. Witnesses and experts ended up in the hospital and at the heart of it all was a little screwed up ghost hunter. It took us three years to write this review, we had everything we needed...but the truth is...this film is cursed. 

Biscuits: I hate this fucking movie. I have watched some terrible movies, we have reviewed some terrible movies. But this movie...this movie makes me angry beyond words. This movie makes me hate. This movie made me so furious that I not only hate it, I hate Zak Bagans, the man. I have never met him, but if I did, I think I would punch him in the balls. This review is going to be 90% me just screaming, because it makes me that mad. 

M: This is gonna be my fucking opening gif right here...

B: Oh yeah, this - there's a demon here in this fucking Amazon Prime video. He got in with his fucking 30-day free trial. Oooo it's gonna come get us! I'm so scared!!

M: ...

B: Oh, Zak "I-have-a-series-on-the-Travel-Channel" Bagins! Yeah, that makes you a qualified expert demonologist, Zak. "One of the world's LEADING researchers on ghosts and demonology" - no, no you're fucking not! What do you actually know about demons?? Also, let's add the fact that Zak Bagans is a terrible actor, and his monotone narration does nothing to improve the atmosphere of the movie.

B: It took him three years to finish this film, and it still sucks! Way to go buddy, it took us three days to make that potato salad!! THREE DAYS!

B: "This film is cursed!!" Yes it is, this is the curse! It's cursed to make me angry!

M: So spoopy! I'm spooped solid, are you spooped solid? Actually, if I had to say, my spoop level is actually somewhere along the levels of 'explosive diarrhea'.

B: This movie is explosive diarrhea. That's - that's a man whistling into the microphone, subtitled as 'wind whistling'. We are Zak Bagans' therapist for a minute, helping him dissect his dreams. One time I had a dream where I traded my non-existant son for two cool posters. I don't think THAT dream meant anything. Imagine a ghost hunter having dreams about ghosts!

M: Imagine a ghost hunter.

            Pictured: Zak Bagggggans confused by electrical equipment

B: We also introduce the idea of a 12-foot-tall goat man, who never really comes up in the movie again. Is that Orcus himself? Oh shit, this is getting real. I'm not high level enough to fight a demon lord!

M: The demon vaped in my face!

B: "And I knew...this was some serious shit that meant something." I COULDN'T make that shit up. Genuinely. What does it mean, Zak? Would you care to explain? I don't know what does it mean.

B: This movie is NOT actually about the well-known Gary, Indiana story of demon posession. It's mostly about Zak Bagins fucking around.

M: Mentally masturbating himself for being some sort of sick ghost expert. Why would anyone call Zak Bagans about this? I think he made that shit up.

B: So, basically, Zak Bagans bought this house in Gary, Indiana where this alleged possession took place. A newscaster pronounces his name as 'Zak Baggins'. Guys, Bilbo Baggins bought this haunted house! He bought it because he wanted to make a movie about it.

M: Why?

B: To convince everyone that his 'ghost hunting' career is legitimate and he shouldn't have dropped out of college. Useless footage of Zak Bagans convincing some homeless people to move out of this abandoned house. Don't get them involved in this, it looks very cold and they were probably just trying to find a warm place to warm place to stay. Don't get them involved in your shitty fake documentary.

M: Also, if this house is really like, MEGA haunted, why are homeless people hanging out in it? Homeless people ain't got time for ghosts.

B: No, they have real problems. Wow, this fuckin house looks like an empty house! Oh, this is the best part - he gets a text from a psychic medium. a warning he'll 'never forget', and we'll never forget either! He shows us this obviously voice-to-texted message claiming that he saw visions of a very large demon figure and that this house is, and I quote, an '8 out of 10 on the demonic scale'.

                                          Pictured: a demonic scale. 

M: I wanna see this fucking scale. I actually googled demon scale after watching this because I had never heard of a fucking demon scale. Guess what, there's no demon scale. If you have access to this demon scale, PLEASE message me. I have a mighty need to see this thing. 

B: WHAT the fuck is he talking about? Where is this demon scale?? Who made this demon scale?? This bitch just literally fucking made that shit up and thought we wouldn't notice.

M: And again, what exactly does this goat demon have to do with the house? What is the actual connection?

B: Does he just like hanging out there? Also, insert shots of some guy in a goat suit to make it seem scary. But we know that's just a guy in a goat suit. I guess that's what the demon is supposed to look like?

B: This also pisses me off - Zak Bagans and his crew track down this poor family by finding their home address from news footage, which is stalking, because they won't return his phone calls.

B: Also, let's not forget Zak's claim that a clairvoyant said this house was 'home to 200 demons'. WHAT?? Zak recounts some of the story of the family's supernatural experiences. But this is about him now! This movie is about HIM!

            Pictured: I really want to see his artistic rendering of this demon

M: He has about as much reverence for the supernatural as I have for him.

B: Also, they film these people from their car, perhaps as though they didn't want them to know they were being filmed! Good job Zak, stalking an innocent family to record them without their consent for your shitty, self-aggrandizing ghost show. At least they had the decency to blur faces.

B: They then say they don't want to have anything to do with the documentary. Zak Bagans makes up an excuse about how things have attached themselves to him from the house. Just leave these people alone. Problem solved. However, one guy is coerced into talking about what happened during the possession, which mostly affected the kids in the house.

M: I don't discount that something actually happened to the family that lived there, that they may have had some sort of supernatural experience. That's not really what I'm trying to say here - I just don't believe in Zak Bagans.

B: Or, whether it was supernatural or not, something obviously affected them that they perceived as paranormal that made them want to move out of the house. Of course, there are more realistic explanations for many of these experiences, but that's not what we're here to debate. Zak Bagans knows jack shit about parapsychology and is just pretending to for clout.

M: Imaginary clout... Also, these reenactments are the only good part of the movie. Props to those child actors.

     Pictured: children enjoying some fortnite just before becoming possessed.

B: Also, apparently, spirits are like velcro or something. I guess you can get 'infected' with ghosts. Watch out for that coronavirus, of course, but also, watch out for GHOSTS.

B: This priest performed definitely approved and legitimate excorcisms on this house I guess.

M: It's pretty hard to get one of those these days, but what do I know...

B: Yeah, we're not the world's leading experts on ghosts and demonology!

B: Zak Bagans inserts interview footage to make his fake documentary seem legit. If it was a real documentary about the Ammonses' experience, detailing  multiple points of view with people who actually know stuff about supernatural cases and/or parapsycology, it might be a good documentary. However, it is not. Zak Bagans does not know what a documentary is. He thinks he is so cool that he is the only expert necessary because he know EVERYTHING about ghosts.

B: Zak Bagans did not film this. He found footage and has nothing to say about it. He just wants you to believe that he knows stuff. I suppose it's context. But, as I've mentioned, this documentary isn't really about the Ammons family or their experiences in this house, it's about Zak Bagans.

M: All of this is just being set up to try to lend credence to the later part of this movie, which has nothing to do with any of this.

B: Zak Bagans heard someone else was having a demon party and wanted to be invited.

M: It's POSSIBLE, but it's extremely fucking unlikely. Anything is POSSIBLE. You're leading the audience, Zak.

B: Okay, if this was just a horror movie, one of those ones that's 'based ona true story', and Zak wasn't trying to pretend that this is all 100% real, it would be fine. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. As it is, it's Zak Bagans trying to convince us all that he's so, so cool. He has found DEFINITIVE proof of demons.

B: Of course it's creepy! It's a basement! It's like saying an attic is creepy - they're ALL creepy.

B: INDISTICT BACKGROUND NOISES??? THAT DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE A VOICE?? Now we're getting into real ghost shit. While I don't believe Zak Bagans knows shit about ghosts or demons, he obviously has a lot of experience with indeterminate noises.

M: His entire show is indeterminate noises.

B: Ghost hunters LOVE indeterminate noises! Zak Bagans interviews a man about a weird noise on his recording. SO compelling.

B: An AM/FM radio went to static? There can't be any explanation for that other than ghosts... Zak also loves to make claims that he substantiates with NO evidence! It's almost as if he feels the FACTS might not be compelling enough. According to this police officer, the demons affect women and children physically, and 'stronger men electronically'.

M: No input on how it affects the weaker men, though.

B: Also, apparently, the epicenter of this demon outbreak is a spot of dirt under the stairs. Everybody knows dirt is demonic. Demons can't hide in concrete or solid flooring; they like a more naturalistic approach.

B: Aggravate OR abate the demon. Those seem like quite extreme options. Also, listen to the list of super spooky stuff the police officers dug up from the spot under the stairs: a pink press-on nail and PANTIES. Everyone knows a good demonic summoning ritual needs to involve lots of women's panties. VERY spooky. Also, a comb, two children's socks, a heavy bar, and a red tin. All very definitely demonic summoning artifacts and not just random items that got lost.

M: Zak refers to this pile of nonsense as a demonic altar.

                                     Pictured: one demonic altar 

B: This priest is on board too. He thinks these random objects are 100% demonic. Because of reasons. He believes it's NECROMANCY.

M: What does a priest know about necromancy? ...asking for a friend.

B: He knows it involves PANTIES.

M: I've never heard of a necromantic ritual that involves panties...not that I know anything about necromancy.

B: You know more than Zak Bagans does!

M: Ok, I am now an expert on necromancy, and hereby ALL necromantic rituals must involve women's panties...and uhh, a big stick, and a tin, and whatever else you've got laying around.

B: This cop assumed that this was a literal portal to Hell. That's where the panties came from.

M: HELL PANTIES.

B: That would be a great name for like...an all-female metal band. Or a really bad B-movie. Or both.

M: No way those panties could've gotten there any other way...demons is the only logical answer.

   Pictured: Detective Gruszka finally goes to the women’s section at Macy’s

B: THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME! No, wait, that always happens. "Half her hand went completely white" followed by a photo of half of her hand not being completely white.

                                      Pictured: a white person’s hand. 

M: Can I just take a moment again to say how much I don't like Zak Bagans?

B: So many unrelated people...confirmed that there was something on the blinds.

M: Which means...DEMONS ARE REAL! That's the only logical conclusion, right?

B: Insert shot of a spider, because that's SPOOKY.

M: Wow, it must be a lot easier to get an excorcism these days. 

M: Why did Zak Bagans record this phone call?

B: That's a very good fucking question!

M: Did he not? Is he just pulling this shit out of his ass for the camera?

B: His voice is so emotionless you can't tell.

M: Also, what relevance does this have to anything?

B: Big Hollywood producers only want money!! Unlike you, Zak, Zakary, who definitely DIDN'T make THIS movie for money or fame. This nonexistant 'other movie' about this story that is the source of all Zak's problems and DEFINITELY the reason the Ammons don't want to talk to him.

B: The homeless people and the landlord don't believe the house is haunted. That's Zak's version of trying to present a counter-point. Obviously, he never had to write an argumentative essay in school.

M: He was probably the guy in group projects who never did anything.

B: Homeless Person: "Money make you say a whole lotta stuff." Obviously, he's right.

                                   Pictured: no comment needed

B: "I'd like to find out rather the claims are real or false. I'm not here to fabricate nothing or sensationalize on anything..." ZAK.....................................go to hell.

B: You are here ENTIRELY TO fabricate stuff and sensationalize on stuff. That's why you made this MOVIE, Zakary.

M: Gosh it's crazy, it's almost as if money makes people say things.

B: It's almost as if maybe he thought you were paying him to say things for his movie. Did you slip that priest and that police officer some money 'to leave' too? "I'm not gonna tell you that until we sit down and make an agreement" YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS MONEY!

M: Zak Bagans is basically damning himself by leaving this in here...this guy's got it figured out, though.

B: He's not telling ghost stories, he's just explaining that this is profitable. Also, Zak does passively mention that there were members of the Ammons family who claim these alleged experiences did not go on. However, he doesn't understand what refuting a counterpoint actually is. It's almost like...he can't. Because, with paranomal shit, there's never enough evidence to truly confirm or deny.

M: "Wow"

B: Wow...insert 'wow' vine here. Oh, and this part where he intentionally brings up a photo he knows is fake and has been definitively debunked. SO, just don't include it!! Also, 'mold and other things' that could've psychologically affected the residents, including carbon monoxide. I have an idea, why don't we make this whole movie about a home inspector inspecting this house...

          Pictured: Munch had the mouse over the screenshot, fuck you. 

M: ALSO, all this shit is just in here to make Zak Bagans SEEM like he's exploring other avenues of explanation, which he then promptly abandons.

B: Zak Bagans has to explain to us (badly) what carbon monoxide and black mold can do to a person psychologically...perhaps causing side effects that can create or enhance the sensation that something supernatural is happening. "It's something to take into consideration." - but he won't.

B: "Some other normal explanation that was now being turned into a money grab." OH. I don't even have anything to say to that. You said it, not me. "Shit got crazy." That's how you know it's legit. Also, we are 32 minutes into this hour-and-a-half long movie, and we are now reaching the point where any sort of legitimacy goes right down the fucking toilet and we are flushed into the festering sewer of Zak Bagans' mind.

B: A family who used to live in the house shows up very conveniently to be in Zak's movie. These kids seem 'very convinced' there are demons. Some mildly supernatural hearsay is presented.

M: Also, point here - if Zak Bagans really believes that spirits can just attach themselves to anyone, then wouldn't he be deliberately endangering these people by taking them down into the basement?

B: An attributed quote that we didn't hear her say...because of course. And, if the basement reminds her of her DEAD BROTHER who used to stay there, that has nothing to do with demons, and is also a perfecty legitimate reason for her to not like going back into the basement after all these years.

                Pictured: A quote that nobody but Zak Biguns heard

M: Zak Bagans then proceeds to TELL THE CHILDREN that he JUST BROUGHT INTO THIS PLACE that demons can 'get inside of you and make you sick'. What, is he immune or something so he's not worried about it happening to him?

B: Also, this woman lived in the house in the 90s when she was only about 10 years old. It's almost as though, and I'm not making any claims here, that he wanted the Ammons family to be in his movie, and when they said no, he got a backup family to take their place in the script.

M: He knows all about possession, 'cause it happened to him.

B: No, for real. I was there. (I was the demon) He started doing ghost hunting because he got possessed once.

M: This is just an excuse for him to tell his origin story. Also, these kids look not on board at all with him being here.

B: Zak Bagans knows how to use Adobe Premiere. He's really proud of it. M: Again, if you believe all this is real, you are genuinely putting these people in danger. If they are legitimately afraid of ghosts following them, you are making it worse. Are you gonna come and save them, Zack?

M: I hate this fake 'EVP analysis' so much. "It SOUNDS like..." yeah, it can sound like anything if you tell people it does.

B: "What's wrong with this boy" is that you TOLD HIM that ghosts could latch onto him! Maybe he's SCARED because YOU SCARED HIM on purpose.

M: Then we get some black-and-white footage of Zak Bagans being a dick, and that's...proof of demons.

B: You pushed this guy a little bit. Honestly, it didn't look like you were pushing him that hard. It's also convenient that you weren't recording at the time but immediately started recording again as soon as you stepped out of the house, because this is all real, and definitely exactly how it happened.

B: These guys have to explain to Zak what he did, so that the audience can also get explained to what happened in the footage they just saw. I don't know anyone could have construed that as anything other than a genuine demonic possession.

M: He's not even a credible actor, like there's nothing believable about these performances. It's such shit. Zak Bagend must leave (for no reason) but then someone tries to break into what he repeatedly calls " My House" as if he lives there. Why would anyone want to break into his jank ass haunted house? This seems really unlikely. Zachhh says the cops won't go in the house. Too scared. Zak says it's " a different kind of haunting." Wtf does that even mean?

M: Zak is now interviewing the CPS worker from the case that this was supposed to be about.

B: Yeah you remember that?

M: No, not anymore. She seems credible, Zak Bagnnnns does not. I really don't believe he believes in any of this.

B: Yeah ask the woman about her emotional trauma, Zak. Ask a CPS worker about her trauma. Be like oh so this was a traumatic experience for you? You should talk about it with me for this shitty documentary!

M: She says her therapist told her to seek help. That's...pretty bad right? When your therapist says to seek help? Now some informative badly edited cards about things that allegedly happened in this house. Why didn't we hear anything from the home inspector who was choked in his sleep and got cancer??? That's some real shit!

                 Pictured: The one guy we really wanted to hear from 

B: This DEFINITELY had everything to do with demons. Demons are the #1 cause of cancer in the United States. They don't want you to know that.

M: Oh the fucking bike ride. On his way to do a second exorcism on Latoya ( why did she need a second exorcism?) this priest fell off his bike. Because demons.

B: Well you know it's not an exact science. I'd go so far as to say it's not science! It's not even science adjacent. Zak Bagel doesn't even know wtf science is.

M: I am literally laughing out loud. This priest says the demon was trying to figure out what would stop him from going forward with this second exorcism and the best thing this fucking demon, this 8 out 10 DEMON ON THE DEMON SCALE DEMON can come up with is knocking a dude off his bike?? Just get back on your bike, man.

B: This is my major problem with this movie, especially this second half. Zak Brainend presenting all this random shit that happened and blaming it on demons. This is the 21st century, we don't blame all our problems on demons. We don't live in the middle ages. This priest falling off his bike wasn't because of demons. 

M Correllation is not causation. This detective fucking slid on ice two days after being in the house and ended up in the ER. That is not because of demons.  Wait...is he interviewing him in the fucking ghost house?

B: And then he brings up him being shot during a home invasion and blames that on demons.

M: So he gets a call from Mika who was part of the backup family to tell him her daughter is in distressl WHY would you call Zak Braggans?

    Pictured: A girl with her face blurred out because I’m not Zak Bagans

B: This pisses me off. If this girl is actually suicidal and actually tried to kill herself, you don't put that in your shitty demon movie. If she's actually depressed and hurting herself you don't put that in there. It's not cool. It's very exploitative. You don't know anything about ths girl's mental illness or anything that's going on in her life. If this is all indeed real and not scripted, you're just a piece of shit!

M: But demons! 

B: Stay out of it Zak, this doesn't involve you. You're not a psychologist or a therapist, it's not your business. 

B: One of his crew members quits. Because of the demons.

M: And not because he thought maybe Zak exploiting a suicidal girl was bad. Where did they find this priest anyway, he seems so sketchy. 

B: I'm also pissed that they brought this suicidal girl in to have an EXORCISM. She needs mental help and therapy and a licensed person to help her. You don't give her an exorcism and go oh you're fine. When the exorcism doesn't work she's going to feel extra shitty. But whatever Zak, it's your fucking movie. You do whatever you want for your movie. Who am I to tell you what you can and can't do with a suicidal teenage girl. 

M: This confirms to me that this priest is sketchy as fuck. If he was reliable he would have said Zak no, this girl needs actual help. Zak is still blaming demons. I hate him so much. I hate his stupid douchebag face. 

B: And he sits here and puts this girl on camera and asks her questions about it. NO NO fuck you, genuinely fuck you Zak. Again, this is exploitative as shit. Trying to make cutting her wrists into being some kind of stigmata. Fuck you. This doesn't have anything with demons.

    Pictured: A religious phenomena usually experienced by the very devout 

M: Why would demons invoke stigmata anyway, that's....not how that works. 

B: It's just feels like Zak Blehgins is exploiting this family and trying to convince them that everything is demons from this house they spent 10 minutes in. Again, it's like he has no idea what he shouldn't do. Nobody thought to ask her about her feelings. If this is real she needs help and not Zak Blahggg asking her questions with a camera in her face. 

M: This poor teenage girl does not want to be in this. Her head drops and they're like OKAY EXORCISM OVER SHE'S FINE. Then Zak's psychic friendo Debbie tries to make contact with the demon remotely. Why? Why would she invite that? Does she wanna hang out?

B: Is she gonna like text the demon? Facebook messenger? How many psychic friends does he have? 

M: Oh she succeeded I guess and it said WHARBLGARBL. And then Debbie was killed in a double murder suicide.

                                           Pictured: Wharblgarble

B: Her husband murdered her and her roommate and if you really cared you would not put this in your goddamn demon documentary. Can you just leave shit like this out of it? Tie your friend's murder into your damn demons. This is why I hate Zak Biguns. He's a fucking manipulative asshole who tries to spin murder and suicide and cancer into his conspiracy theory movie about demons. ANOTHER point, the common thread among all of these stories is YOU, Zak, you could make exactly the same point about you. He also found a Hell is Real sign. Also trying to claim that demonic activity is higher in areas with high crime rates, poverty and murders. 

M: And now some facts about Gary, Indiana. 

B: And also exploiting this poverty stricken predominately black community. A segment where we explore actual problems that this place has. Zak you fucking absolute....

M: Zak is now telling us that like 5 people died there but he can't discount that someone close to the Ammonses might have cursed the house and invited the demons. Like...5 people dying there wasn't enough for you Zak? Zak's gonna go kick Latoya's boyfriend's ass because he thinks he tried to curse them with panties. That's a real thing that's happening. Zak can now tell whether people are into the occult by looking at them. 

B: Another previously unknown superpower. Maybe he has a white savior complex.

M: MAYBE? The boyfriend doesn't wanna talk. Big shock. 

B: What did you think was gonna happen.

M: This guy is a piece of work. Dr. Barry Taff, who holds a doctorate in psychophysiology. ( the study of the relationship between physiological and psychological phenomena, I had to look it up so you get to learn too, bitches ) He's gonna come and see if electromagnetic stuff is causing the demons. But everything is normal so...therefore demons. But there's a spike in the basement. That doesn't mean it's demons though. In fact, it would seem to indicate the opposite.

B: This happens on a lot of ghost hunting shows. I'm not sure what your weird electromagnetic shit has to do with ghosts but..?

                     Pictured: Zak Bagans realizing he’s a huge idiot

M: Now Zak has to go walk off again. He's being really affected by these demons. Weren't there supposed to be like 200 demons here or something? Doesn't this really do more to explain that demons aren't real? 

Z: Zak Braggins is a superconductor. He also seems genuinely surprised by what this guy is telling him.

M: That's because he doesn't understand science. Something causes him to lunge at the doctor, which is totally believable.

B: He just got mad the guy wasn't telling him it was demons. Fuck you and your science! The doctor hears a dog. Everyone knows demons bark like dogs. You said it was  goat man, why does it bark like a dog? 

M: So much footage of dudes just walking around supposedly being affected. Might be the carbon monoxide they actually detected earlier? Or the black mold?

   B: I love this part! This is fucking great. Footage of this guy walking around and then the cameraman's finger gets in the shot. It totally doesn't look exactly like what happens when you put your finger in front of the lens. Totally.

M: It's demons, obviously. The black anomaly. It's a fucking finger. They're just filming this dude walking around who seems to be ill and claiming he's touching the anomaly and shit. Take this dude to the fucking doctor. 

B: They take it to some NASA dude who enhances it and says there's no way it's the cameraman's finger. I still don't believe it's not the cameraman's finger. Oh shit, I just realized...I have fingers!

M: It might be a dick. 

B: If this cameraman and the doctor both feel faint, maybe you should just get out of the house!

M: This literally sounds like carbon monoxide poisoning which can cause nauseau, headaches, confusion, memory loss and literally every other thing except bad acting. Adam the cameraman wanders off and they find him in the basement. He later apparently starts VOMITING BLOOD??? Take this boy to the hospital! He starts screaming Zak in a weird voice so they decide to film it, natch.

                                  Pictured: Criminal negligence

B: Zak....zaaaaaaaaak i need to go to the hospital....this seems like negligence. M: Now they've lost him. Lots of footage of Adam being really aggressive for no reason. Nobody is concerned any longer about his vomiting blood. Something is wrong with this dude and you assholes are filming him. Adam wants to go to the house because of reasons that I'm sure are 100 percent legit. Maybe he's just tired of being in this shit ass movie with these shit ass friends. Zak says this is the scariest thing he's ever seen in his life. 

B: This movie is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

M: I honestly love the Adam bit. It's so fake. This dude is just being a dick on camera and Zak is like IT'S OBVIOUSLY DEMONS. Dr. Taff has a loud noise in his ear later on that wakes him up.

B: He's literally explaining exploding head syndrome. I have this, I know what it is. Characterized by loud noise you suddenly imagine just before you fall asleep, and can also occur as you wake up in the night. Google it. Also not caused by demons!

M: He wakes up with blood in his ears. Go to the hospital! 

B: Or he had a stroke, or an aneurysm. 

M: Meanwhile...Adam is getting interviewed instead of going to the hospital for barfing up blood. Adam doesn't wanna be on tape but they tape him secretly because they're fucking assholes. Adam says you know what I said bruh and Zak is like omfg the goatman. 

Pictured: It’s hard to find good images because this movie is also badly badly filmed and it’s just shitty creepy shots and then Zak talking.

B: It wants you, Zak, you're the leader of the bunch. 

M: Adam has a fucking aura of freezing air and EMF around him but we don't get to see any of the instruments they're using to record that.

B: These are obviously some very trustworthy guys. 

M: They are filming him without his consent.

B: Seems to be a recurring theme. 

M: Dr. Taff finally gets to a fucking hospital where his organs are shutting down. Like every single one of them. He mentions infection in his prostate.

B: I don't think his organ failure is best explained by demons. He has a severe medical problem. 

M: All these people he's saying got sick and NOBODY fucking went to a hospital? 

B: No..my dude...you are sick. You have a medical problem, not demons. M: Oh and now Adam has been removed from the crew because he's being weird and violent. They try to get him help but Adam refuses. I think Adam just got sick of their shit. 

B: They had to make something up. 

M: You have anything you wanna say here before Zak boards himself up in the house...alone...overnight?

B: Have fun, big guy.

M: Zakkkk " I know this sound stupid..."

B: It IS stupid. You set yourself up for that one. We're gonna have a sleepover with the demons! Pictured...the tiny penis in it's natual habitat.

M: This part is so fucking dumb. It's just....deeply deeply dumb.

B: They also moved in furniture so Zak can be comfy with the demon. And then... nothing happened. Lots of shots of absolutely nothing happening. I feel like I'm watching Paranormal Activity

M: Except stuff happened in that. Now in fast forward. Zak takes off his coat. 

                Pictured: the horror of seeing Zak Bagans undress

OOH SPOOKY. Nothing is happening. At all. He sits down and checks his phone so we can learn he doesn't wanna do lights out. Why? Nothing is happening.  He just keeps opening doors. What is Sebastian? I'm arranging matches. He makes sures the door is locked. 

B: Make sure the audience knows he's boarded up in there. You so brave. So big dick macho brave. You did this, Zak. Zak is scared of the dark. It's okay. It's natural.

M: I don't know why he's bitching. He orchestrated this. OOH LIGHTS OUT. NIGHT VISION ON. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

B: This part also feels like the intro to some weird night vision demon porno, he's just walking around with a camera.

M: That would at least be interesting. Nothing is happening at all. We just keep getting time cuts to more nothing happening. Finally they will decide this is too much nothing happening and make up some shit.

B: It's almost like shit's really boring when Zak doesn't have people around to help him make up shit. Hey did you guys hear a sound? No. 

                                                Pictured: Lies

M: 4:51 am. When will this end? How much more nothing happening does the audicence need. And not to put too fine a point on it...but this house is the DEMON HOUSE. Supposedly haunted by over 200 demons and a goat-man and also an 8 out of 10 on the demon scale, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

M: Zak is getting a headache. Probably because of carbon monoxide. There's an obviously faked goat-ish noise. Zak tells it to get away because that's gonna work. Shoo, demon. 

          Pictured: A man gets mouthy while backed against a wall in fear

B: He sounds very sincere. Back the fuck up, man. Why do these dudes always try to get all up in the demon's face? Fuck you, demon. Maybe the demon just thinks you're rude. He was just trying to say hi.

M: A title card pops up to say that Zak Bagans witnessed a dark mass come out of the wall. There's cameras literally fucking everywhere but we don't get to see that.

B: Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

M: Now his eyes hurt. Which makes him yell and knock shit over

. B: Can you imagine how we feel in quarantine? He develops diplopia. Double vision. 

M: It's not that serious, Zak. Doctors can't figure out what caused it. This does not mean it was caused by fucking demons. We get updates on Kevin who apparently caught a demon from Zak. Adam went goth. 

B: Adam got tattoos and we looked him up and he makes horror movies and shit now. He just looks like a metalhead. I wanna say something here again about Dr. Taff and his diplopia. He's acting like doctors not knowing the cause of something is rare. It is not. Anyone with chronic health issues can tell you that. Tests and doctors are not infallible and it's often hard to diagnose things even if they're severe. 

M: Speaking as someone with chronic health issues, this is the case more often than not. The house has not taken a toll on you people you fucking walnut. 

B: We get a long list of correlation is not causation. 

M: So Zak decides to bulldoze the house, thus freeing the demons loose in the world to do their dark dark bidding. 

B: Or something. My theory is that he bulldozed the house so nobody could go back there and his investigation would be the FINAL word on the matter, like so he could be the ultimate authority on this case and nobody could come back and try to contest him...or try to profit off of these events after him.

M: Closing thoughts?

B: Zak Briggins seems like a complete douche. When you start the movie he's just some guy who hunts ghosts and thinks he knows things. But as it goes on, you see he's also very exploitative and manipulative and not a good guy! He takes advantage of people's deaths and mental issues and health problems to further his demon agenda. In conclusion, fuck you Zak Bagans. 

M: Zak claims that even tho the house is gone, the cops keep calling to tell him to tell him people are doing satanic rituals at the site on the regular. Why would the cops even call him for that? There's no house there. I call bullshit. On ALL of this. This story IS cursed, man. Don't expose yourself or your loved ones to the horrors of Demon House. 

B: I call bullshit on there being producers on this movie.

M: That's fair. I miss Ghost Hunters.

[callboxkat]

Prompt list : Surprise 3) “What do you mean it broke?”

The Witchiest Witch to Ever Witch

Author’s note: The thrilling sequel to The First Night of Spoops!

Warnings: food mention, that’s about it :)

Word count: 788

Writing Masterpost! 

…

Roman was sitting in his room, eating sorting through the candy that his dads had picked up for himself and his brother, Virgil, to hand out to trick-or-treaters on Halloween, which just so happened to be tonight.

It also just so happened to be Virgil’s absolute favorite holiday of the year by far. Seriously. The dude cared more about it than Christmas, or his own birthday.

Roman thoughtfully popped another candy into his mouth. (Its wrapper was bent, which obviously meant it was too substandard to be saved for the children). He supposed Virgil’s affinity for the holiday wasn’t exactly surprising—the aesthetic certainly bled out into his year-round wardrobe, for one thing—although he took it to a bit of an extreme.

Virgil had woken them up practically at the stroke of midnight on the first of the month to get them all to decorate the house, dance to Halloween music (at least, Roman and Dad danced), and to bake pumpkin pie. And sure, that was a lot of fun, but… overkill, much?

They’d also spent much of the month doing suitably ‘spoopy’ activities: going to haunted houses, browsing for new decorations that may or may not take up a permanent residence in Virgil’s room after the holiday, watching Halloween or horror movies (Dad did not participate in the latter), and of course, putting together their costumes.

Virgil’s Halloween costume was a labor of love. He was going as a witch—as their Dad had called it, the Witchiest Witch to ever Witch. He was just going to be handing out candy, but Virgil was going all out. Virgil had hand-sewn—hand-sewn—a cape, hat, and shirt for the costume, decorated a broom that he got from a second-hand store and artfully arranged the bristles, and gotten help from their Pa to put together a smoking cauldron for him to hand out candy from.

Roman was honestly impressed. (Not that he’d ever tell Virgil that. He’d never hear the end of it.)

Roman looked through the rest of the candy, not seeing any more that he could get away with stealing based on their sub-standard quality. He sighed, took one last handful—payment for his services, obviously—and got up to return the candy to the kitchen.

A loud knocking on the door scared Roman out of his skin. He may or may not have shrieked. A little bit.

“Roman!” a voice called through the door.

Roman winced, set down the large bowl of candy, and approached his door.

“I didn’t take that much—” he excused as he opened the door, only to break off as he was met with his terrified brother Virgil. He was already dressed in his witch outfit. As soon as he saw Roman, he started talking in a voice much faster and about an octave higher than usual.

“Roman, I don’t know what to do, it just broke and I don’t have time to—”

“Wait wait wait wait,” Roman said, reeling back. This wasn’t about him stealing the candy. “Calm down, Wicked Witch of the Pest. What do you mean, it broke?”

“My broom!” Virgil cried. “I was getting it out of my closet and I must have bumped something because everything just fell….” He pulled the broom into view. It was snapped, the two pieces ending in jagged splinters, and the bristles he’d spent so long getting just right were all bent to one side.

“Oh,” Roman said, staring at it in surprise. “Can you just… not have a broom?”

Virgil stared at him as if he’d just suggested cancelling Halloween altogether.

“So, that’s a no…?”

“Help me,” Virgil begged. “Pa’s not home, and I don’t know what to do, and you know Dad….”

Virgil had a point there. Their Dad would probably just make it worse, even though he always meant well. And, Virgil would owe him one…. Roman sighed, then opened his door wider.

“Alright, enter my workshop. Let’s see what we can do.”

Together, with the aid of Roman’s art supplies and eye for detail, they were able to mend Virgil’s broom. They managed to hide the breaks with paint, glue, and a bit of modelling clay, and the bristles were bent back into place. A few of them had snapped, but a little bit of glue, tape, and carefully matched paint hid that, too. Of course, the broom wasn’t quite like before, but a stranger would never know it had ever been broken.

Roman was quite pleased with how it turned out. And, probably more importantly, so was Virgil. He didn’t even tell their dads that Roman had stolen about a fifth of the Halloween candy.

That night, as he handed out candy to eager trick-or-treaters, Virgil was the witchiest witch to ever witch.

[grilledcheeseandguavajelly]

D, A, J, O, T, V, N for the ask game? 🌻

Hi you beautiful angel, you!! Thank you for the ask!! I’m going to answer these for A Devil’s Hunger since it’s my only real, big kid, multi chapter fic for AHS :P I hope that’s okay!! 

D: Is there a song or playlist to associate with A Devil’s Hunger?

Listen. I can’t write if there isn’t music on. And when I write A Devil’s Hunger I usually (read as “every chapter except this next chapter I’m about to post”) listen to the Cursed Child soundtrack. I know it probably sounds stupid, but it’s a really good soundtrack?? And it’s so soft and magical and parts of it are intense and I don’t know why but it’s the absolute perfect thing to get me into the mindset of this Venable.

That being said, this next chapter coming up I just couldn’t settle on something I liked while listening to that music. So! Believe it or not I actually listened to Brianna Fogden’s “spoops” playlist on Spotify. It’s a little bit more intense but still magical in that kind of “dark magic, creepy Halloween” way, and it was setting Venable exactly where I wanted her in my head. So. Yeah. It’s a good playlist, I would highly recommend.

A: How did you come up with the title to A Devil’s Hunger?

The title is actually taken from a piece of a song called “Bottom of the River” by Delta Rae. I love the song, and again, it really just... it hit exactly how this specific Venable lives in my head. I liked the lyric and I thought it fit the fic in multiple ways (most of which we haven't gotten to yet but it’s okay we’ll get there, I can only write so fast but we’ll get there) and, I don’t know... I just thought it worked! Most of my fic titles are lines from songs. With the exception of “’No’ Is A Four Letter Word”, that one was just... Well, kind of self explanatory when you read the fic! And also “She Wants Revenge, She Gets Revenge, She Bleeds Revenge”, that one was taken from the episode titles... and you know how I feel about Sally and blood ;)

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to A Devil’s Hunger.

Alright, so that’s not going to happen because you guys don’t know how it ends yet ;) And honestly, I don’t think I would rewrite the ending to this fic because I like it just the way it is!! So... I’ll pick a different one! Let’s go with “Dig Your Grave” — Okay. Let me just say that I love the ending to this one. The ending was actually the line that prompted the entire fic. BUT. If I’m being forced to describe an alternate ending to a fic, it would be this one and I would make it super unnecessarily angsty and Sally would be so excited to come back and see her Cordelia and go and live life, never alone again, her warm, loving Cordelia waiting to welcome her back to the real world with open arms. But something would go wrong and Cordelia would accidentally put some of her energy into the resurgence spell and it would get jumbled and she would only remember the bits of Sally that were hellish, the nightmare that haunted the hallways of a demonic hotel. If she remembered her at all. (And I would like to take this moment to apologize to Sally McKenna for even considering putting her through that kind of loss. I’m SORRY.)

O: How do you begin a story--with the plot, or the characters?

Haha. Oh goodness. Honestly usually with a line. Something short like a phrase or a description or a piece of dialogue will pop into my head and my brain will be like “omg this fits (insert character here) so perfectly I have to write it” and then I figure the plot out! So I guess... both? Maybe? It varies, but I’m going to say both :)

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand? 

Oh my gosh, yes. There are a few that really make me itch, but specifically the one where like nothing happens or two characters have just met and go on one date and then confess their love for each other. OR any fic where there's a flat out proposal scene. No no. I just... I think there's a way to do it that works, but overall I’m against it because I like my ships angsty and I loveeee a slow burn 

V: If you could write a sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

OH WOW this is a good question. Oh so many. I’m the kind of person that reads a fic and it sticks with me and I think about it WAY more than I should. But if I had to pick one... I would die to write a sequel (or I guess another part) to “Forget about me, Darling” by @deliasbabe. Listen. You listen to me. I read this fic days ago and I STILL cry every time I think about it. I’m not exaggerating. Yesterday I broke down in the car while I was sitting in traffic. It hurts too much and it’s too beautiful and I wouldn’t do it justice but if I could just write another chapter and push some sort of happiness into this story, I just… I need it to be happy. I need it I need it I need it. UGH. See now I’m crying again.

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you? 

Listen. I’m always here for Venable content. And I love the way certain people write her and I would give an arm or a leg for more of that. As far as finishing goes... She’s going to hate me for saying this but I wish @shineestark would at least look over the fic she requested from me because I can’t do Billie and Audrey the justice they deserve and she writes them SO WELL. But she requested it, so alas. 

[furby-science]

Spooky Happenings #1: And So It Begins...

I want to preface this by saying that I'm doing this so you don't have to. Inevitably there will probably be people in my inbox saying some variant of "It's irresponsible to bring strange spirits home! Do you know how dangerous that is?", and when they do, I will link this post to them: yes. I know it is dangerous to bring home strange spirits. I have taken necessary precautions to protect myself from this strange spirit: triple-layered warding; containment spells; sage, bay, sandalwood, salt, and saline on hand; and a direct line to at least four other entities who can banish this being if I can't. This is not my first black parade; I have walked away from metaphysical shit most people would be deeply unsettled by unshaken, including but not limited to spontaneously combusting tarot cards, trials by deities that could lead to physical danger should I fail them, and daily encounters with creepy voices, visions, and nightmare monsters. This is not the first Risky Thing I have done in the name of understanding the metaphysical, it likely won't be the last Risky Thing I will do in the name of understanding the metaphysical, and the deity that's taken interest in me themselves has thrown Risky Thing after Risky Thing at me in the name of teaching me about the metaphysical.

So, in short: this shit's dangerous, this shit could fuck me up, and this is a risk I assumed when I bought my haunted furby. This whole thing could end up as a cautionary tale about why you should not buy haunted furbies, and I have made peace with that. You should probably not buy your own haunted furby unless you know how to ward and banish, and what procedures to take if something mean is haunting your furby. That being said, not everyone believes in woo or plays the same odds I do in Pascal's Wager, and I am not the boss of you and cannot stop you from hunting one down for yourself. But if this turns into a horror show down the road, just remember:

I am doing this so you don't have to.

That disclaimer aside, let's move on to the haunted furby! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

The Controls

I will be gathering data both before and after my haunted furby, whom I've given the placeholder name Spooky, gets here. Right now, I'll be gathering controls on a few tests I plan to run.

The first test is the sleep recorder app. It'll take about a week for Spooky to get here. In that time, I'll be recording any noises that happen while we're sleeping without Spooky in our room, so that I can compare them to the stuff the recording app picks up afterwards. This will help rule out any potential noise caused by my non-haunted furbies, and give a better understanding of what "normal" night sounds are like.

The second control is the ghost radar, another phone app. It (allegedly) detects the presence of ghosts, and picks up any words they're saying, like so:

The third control will be the talking radio, and other auditory ghost hunting tools like Spiritus ghost box and EVP recording sessions. We have an old radio receiver I plan to attach speakers to and futz with. The idea is to set the radio to a station that's nothing but static, and see if there's any notable phenomena. I've also been on the hunt for an old radio from our local thrift store I can modify to do a full sweep of the radio band (kid's stuff compared to building Sterling), so if I can create a cheap spirit box and test it, that'll be the bee's knees.

Once all this is said and done, I'll be repeating the above tests once Spooky gets here (provided this being isn't abjectly malicious) to see if anything changes in their presence - with their permission of course. Again, not my first black parade, and as my ghost dad always says, "ghosts are just people", and most people don't like being poked and prodded in the name of science the second they walk through the door.

Okay but why tho?

*scowls and points at blog title*

Serious answer: a furby is the perfect thing for a spirit to attach themselves to, when you think about it. As furbies are capable of speech, they can effectively serve as their own ghost boxes, ruling out the need for pendulums or divining rods. Furthermore, a 1998 furby's circuits are easily bent, making them more sensitive to fluctuations in current than your modern electronic fare, and thus more easily manipulated. On top of all that... I enjoy ghost hunting, but don't have the time these days to go out to remote places and make some lovely dead friends, and I'm the kind of person who's both brave and stupid enough to bring the ghosts to me. And Ghost Dad, who will likely be reluctantly tagging along for my adventures.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, this furby was purchased from an estate sale, and was owned by a fellow furby collector before they passed. Considering the immense amount of sentimental value my budding collection has to me, it's likely this furby meant just as much to that person if not moreso, especially considering that of all the furbies in the collection that could've been haunted, some of them way rarer than a dalmation, it was this one in particular they've been active around. I wouldn't be surprised if this was their first one, or their favourite, and I want them to rest easy knowing it will be in good hands and shown proper respect. As far as I'm concerned, this is still Their Furby, and I will be treating it as such. No customization, no modifications, not even any repairs unless expressly desired!

Now, if you're not interested in spoop, you can block the tag #spooky happenings. Otherwise, Spooky and I will be seeing you on the other side, though hopefully not literally, every Sunday!

[mst3kproject]

Night of the Ghouls

Night of the Ghouls is a film with a troubled history.  It was intended as the sequel to Bride of the Monster, and it includes some familiar faces such as Paul Marco as Officer Kelton and Tor Johnson returning as Lobo.  Apparently Ed Wood shot it and sent it to be developed, but the people at the lab (perhaps wisely) wouldn’t let him pick it up until he’d paid for it in full.  He couldn’t afford that, so it just sat there accruing late fees until producer Wade Williams came across it and decided to release it on video in 1984.  I don’t know why, but it seems oddly fitting that a lost Ed Wood movie should be rescued by a guy who is almost, but not quite, Deadpool.

Lieutenant Bradford is forced to cancel a date so he can investigate renewed weird goings-on at the Old House on Willows Lake. Somebody seems to have rebuilt the place after lightning burned it down and destroyed Dr. Vornoff’s monsters, and the new old house is haunted by two ghosts; a woman a torn white gown, and another in a crown and black veil.  When Bradford arrives, he meets Dr. Acula (subtle), psychic for hire.  If you’ve lost a loved one, he’ll get you back in touch – for a price, of course!  Bradford thinks it smells like a con, and he’s right… mostly.  Not all of Acula’s ghosts are fake, and they’re not happy about being used for a scheme, either!

While all this goes on indoors, outside Officer Kelton is cowering in his car and shooting at ghosts.  I think this is supposed to be comic relief, but it is neither.

Night of the Ghouls gets off to a pretty slow start.  It begins with a series of confusing events involving an elderly couple’s ghostly encounter and the beginning of the police investigation into it.  Bradford and the chief have one of those uniquely Ed Wood conversations in which there are a lot of words but very little information actually reaches the audience.  Once Bradford, still in his tuxedo, heads out to the New Old House, things pick up quite nicely.

I’m not entirely sure how this works, because stuff goes on happening very slowly.  The stupid séance Acula holds in his basement lasts forever.  Bradford sneaks off to look around the house and finds nothing of any importance, while Kelton tries desperately to summon help and nobody at the police station believes him.  The direction remains quite dull, mostly just static shots of people talking to each other.  It ought to be boring, but it’s not.

Partly this is because each scene is full of little events that are actually pretty funny.  The séance in particular is a real hoot, with a trumpet floating in the air and a guy in a bedsheet dancing around to bizarre sound effects.  The living people sit down the left side of the table, across from a line of skeletons in wigs that are never explained. Bradford opens a door and finds a mysterious woman who smiles creepily and beckons to him – he flees, and we never find out what that was all about, either.

Mostly, however, what saves the movie is the fact that there is a story going on, and once it gets started it’s a very straightforward one.  Acula is presenting himself as a psychic in a haunted house.  We quickly learn that he’s actually a shyster and the ‘white lady’ is his girlfriend Sheila in a gown and makeup.  The ghost of a woman’s husband appears, advising her to re-marry – her new boyfriend, who wants her money, has paid Acula to make it happen. We know who the good guys are and why, and we know who the bad guys are and why, and we’re eager to see how it all plays out.

The ending is a surprise, but unusually for an Ed Wood movie you don’t see it coming.  I had noticed that the ‘black lady’, the ghost in the crown and veil, had never been mentioned by Acula – Kelton shoots at her with no effect, and Sheila is afraid of her.  All the signs point to her being a real ghost who isn’t happy with people intruding on her eternal unrest.  Surely Acula is going to end up like the inevitable kissing teenagers at the beginning of the film, strangled and left in the woods.

But that’s not what happens.  The ghosts of the people Acula has been pretending to summon appear instead, and lock him in a coffin to suffocate in revenge for him using their names to bilk their living relatives!  And you know what?  It works.

In The Screaming Skull, Marion’s ghost appearing at the end came out of nowhere, and while it was nice to see her speak for herself, we’re kind of expecting it to be just another trick. So far, all the ghostliness in this movie has been fake, so why should a real ghost suddenly intrude?  In Night of the Ghouls, we have seen a real ghost, one who is obviously different from Acula’s fake ones, so the vengeful spirits at the end aren’t completely out of left field.  And like Marion, these ghosts have a reason to be angry at their target.  They’ve been used, the living have suffered, and they’re mad about it.  It’s also nicely ironic that Acula, who doesn’t actually believe in ghosts, is killed by them.

Which is not to say that the ‘black lady’ doesn’t get her moment, too.  If she never did anything in the end, I’d have been annoyed, but she gets to take care of Sheila.  Having spent half the film terrified of ghosts, Sheila ends up becoming one. It’s not quite as satisfying as Acula’s death but it still works pretty well.

There’s other surprisingly good stuff going on here, too.  For an Ed Wood movie, Night of the Ghouls makes some admirable attempts at continuity. The story doesn’t really have anything to do with Bride of the Monster, but it clearly positions itself in the same world a few years later.  They account for the fact that the house burned down in Bride of the Monster by explaining that Acula had it rebuilt, and half of Lobo’s face is scarred from that fire.  Bradford spends so much time thinking about his prior investigation and comparing what he sees now to what he saw then, we almost forget he wasn’t actually in the previous movie.  The reason Acula set up shop where he did is because the thing with Dr. Vornoff and his monsters means the location comes with pre-existing spoop.

The effects are not good, but there’s nothing nearly as pathetic as the lifeless rubber octopus from Bride of the Monster, and in a way the badness works to the movie’s advantage.  The floating instruments and sheet-clad specters in Acula’s séance are supposed to look fake, because they are.  The two ghosts, the black and white ladies, actually look kind of spooky, but we cannot tell until we’re told which of them is real and which is fake, so that’s a nice way of keeping us hanging.  The ‘storm’ effects are standard for the period.

Honestly, the worst thing in Night of the Ghouls isn’t any of the usual Ed Wood suspects.  The actors are pretty bad but the only obnoxiously terrible one is Paul Marco as Kelton.  There’s nothing to compare to the bizarre scene with the captain and his bird from Bride of the Monster or the pie pan saucers from Plan Nine from Outer Space.  Once we’re through the opening scene, the dialogue is mostly free of blinding idiocy.  No, the worst thing in Night of the Ghouls is the narrator.

We’ve been through a number of movies together that have a deep and portentous fifties man voice trying to clarify (or, in the case of Beast of Yucca Flats, obfuscate) the events.  Night of the Ghouls goes a step further and actually introduces us to the man telling the story, and he, too, is a familiar face – it’s Criswell!

You’ve met Criswell if you’ve ever seen Plan 9 from Outer Space, which opened with him sitting at a desk giving a rambling speech about how future events like these will affect you in the future (Joel sent this up with the ‘KTLA Predicts!’ sketch in War of the Colossal Beast).  Night of the Ghouls is the same idea, but even more so.  Criswell is introduced not behind a table, but sitting up from lying in a coffin, and his nonsensical speech goes on in intermittent voiceovers throughout the movie.  It’s not quite as incoherent as The Beast of Yucca Flats but at times it comes damned close.  Elsewhere we get Bradford’s inner monologue, which is another step up the relevance scale… but still not quite there.

Ed Wood made several movies about how crime doesn’t pay, and Night of the Ghouls can definitely be considered one of those. It is also, however, a film about respect, not just for the living but for the dead.  Acula does not respect the living, as he tells them lies and cheats them of their money.  He also does not respect the dead, putting words in their mouths and using them as tools in his scheme.  At the end, both groups are closing in on him.  He believes he has outwitted the living, the policemen and his victims, but at the last moment it is the dead who take their bloody revenge.

I had a pretty good time watching Night of the Ghouls.  Each of Ed Wood’s movies is rather charming in its own idiosyncratic way, but this is the one that probably comes closest to being good.  It doesn’t quite make it, of course, but the effects are as good as they need to be and the story mostly makes sense, and for an Ed Wood film that’s high praise.  As a bonus, it’s the rare sequel that you can understand without having had to see the original first!

[mc-amps]

The Wacky Adventures of Seven McDonald

Here it is~ My fic for @mysmehalloweenzine They’re having their leftovers sale rn, so be sure to check it out if you missed your chance to preorder. https://mysmehalloweenzine.storenvy.com/ It’s totally worth the purchase ;)

My fic was also illustrated by the amazing @nanashiart​ I’m seriously blessed that she agreed to collab. Her illustrations really did bring my fic to life <3

Pairing: 707xMC

Rating: Everyone

Warnings: Spoops and elixir +_+

“Are you sure this is okay?”

Seven’s heart jumped at her whisper. He talked to her on the phone many times before, and yet, without the static filtering her voice, everything was different. The CCTV’s low quality, grainy veil was lifted, and there she was: flesh, blood, and soft warmth walking beside him through the dark and decrepit hallway.

“What do you mean? It’s a haunted house! It’s made to walk in and explore.” So why was Seven’s heart beating so fast? It wasn’t the rotting wood and peeling wallpaper along with the bevy of spider webs dangling above that put him on edge. It wasn’t the dust dancing in the ghoulish glow cast from several lanterns or the gloomy symphony of cicadas and crickets seeping in through the broken windows either. Not even the way the house groaned in agony with every footstep was the culprit.

It started when he picked her up from the apartment. For obvious reasons, he had been nominated to escort the lovely party coordinator to the RFA’s night of Halloween fun and spooks. Spooks indeed. From the moment she answered the door, his stomach twisted itself in knots.

Was his brain malfunctioning?

“Or is there haunted house etiquette I’m not aware of?” He put his hands on his hips in a dramatic stance.

“Don’t you think it’s weird there was no one to let us in? You walked in on your own.” She huffed and folded her arms with a pout. The gesture was arguably unbefitting of her princess costume, yet the frilly dress and tiara was perfect for the lovable Princess of the RFA.

Seven shrugged. “Didn’t Jumin pick out this place? He probably wanted something authentic and spoopy. OooOOOOooo~” He wiggled his yellow, gloved fingers to emphasize the spoop factor.

“. . .we could’ve waited for the others.“ Her lips twitched as she muffled a chuckle.  

“What?” Seven asked with a suspicious grin.  

“You! I can’t take you seriously when you’re dressed like that!” She burst into a fit of giggles. “Why Ronald McDonald of all things?”

Seven guffawed. Her laughter was too contagious. “Cause I wanted to see everyone’s reaction! You think anyone’s scared of clowns? My bet is Zen~” He adjusted his curly, red wig and tugged at his bright, yellow jumpsuit.

“Zen!?” She wheezed.

“Yep. He hates cats, so why not clowns too~?” Seven bared his teeth. “Grrrr~ Fast food clown!” The white paint on his face, red lips and nose, minus the glasses made him look completely different. The RFA wouldn’t know what hit them. “Oh! Oh! Let’s hide and scare ‘em!”

“Alright. I’ll bet you five candies Zen won’t get scared.”

“Oh, you’re on!”

Holding back laughter, they decided to hide in a bedroom. A musty, revolting odor permeated the air. Dusty debris littered the floor and bed, along with fake blood spattered everywhere, most notably on the tattered curtains.

But there was something nostalgic. . .

Seven shook those thoughts away as the two huddled near a dust coated table. A picture frame sat on top of the grime. It held a photo of a woman. Her lips were curved into a coy smile and her eyes glittered. The part that stood out the most was her long, wavy hair. Oddly, she looked similar to the princess next to him.

He was about to point that out, but stopped short when he realized how close she stood, practically pressing against him. He shifted awkwardly, but then flinched and threw his arms around the princess when something slammed, causing her to shriek.

“Whoa! A-are you okay?” His face heated when he realized she clung to him for dear life.

“Was that the door?” She gasped and let go. “Do you think that’s them?”

“Maybe,” Seven whispered, reluctantly scooting back. “Let’s wait and see.”

And wait they did.

And wait.

And wait.

But nothing happened. “Are they even here?” She murmured.

Seven was starting to wonder why everything was so quiet. Yoosung should have been screaming, while Jaehee would have been constantly checking on Zen.

“Do you want to text them?” He asked.

“Well, my phone’s been acting up, so I don’t know if there’s something wrong with it, and since someone forgot their hoodie.” She cutely huffed. “We can’t use his phone!”

“Hey. . .!” Seven tried to keep his voice down. “This is the first time I’ve been without my lucky hoodie in. . .in. . years!” He put a hand to his heart and let out an agonized sigh. He kept everything in those oversized pockets. “You should still try texting.”

“I guess.” She grabbed her phone, but froze at the sound of a deep groan.

“Why have you returnnnnned?” The lights waned and flickered with every rasping syllable.

The spooks were starting? Seven’s face lit up. Was there a hidden sound system projecting the voice?

A girlish yelp snapped him from his thoughts. “Did you grab me!?”

“Wha-? No!” Seven lifted his hands as proof.

“You’re kidding. . .” Her face paled. “S-something grabbed me! Ugh!” She shimmied past him and stormed out of the room. “I’m done with this stupid creepy house! I’m waiting for the others!” Her voice echoed along with her stomping footsteps.

“Wait!” Seven followed after, scrambling not to trip over his giant red shoes.

She rushed to the front door and yanked the handles, but it wouldn’t open. “I-it’s stuck!”

“Let me.” Seven tried, causing them to shake and rattle, but the door still wouldn’t budge. With a frustrated grunt, he kicked the wood, but still nothing. Chills ran down his spine. This wasn’t right at all.

“I-I’m calling Jumin.” She shakily tapped her phone, and Seven moved closer to hear. The monotone call tone accompanied by her frantic breathing made for a nauseating combination. Seven held his breath, until a click sounded.

“Yes, this is Jumin Han speaking.”

Never in his life had he been happier to hear that deep, robotic voice.

“J-Jumin!” She gasped, voice wavering. “ Where are you guys?”

“I could ask the same question. We just finished purchasing everyone’s admission.”

“What are you talking about!? There were no tickets or anything and now we’re stuck in here!” She replied almost hysterically.

There was a pause and static. “I don’t quite understand. Security would not have let you two in without tickets. You and Luciel are-?”

“Trapped in this crazy house!” Between her frantic words, a static white noise grew louder, overpowering Jumin’s voice.

“Where- ou- ry-“

“Jumin? Are you still there? Jumin!” She nearly sobbed.

The static-filled garble morphed into a cackle. “Sorry, Princess, but the RFA won’t be able to help you this time~” A new voice interrupted with a menacing snicker.

Seven snatched up the phone. “Hey! Who the heck are you, and how do you know about the RFA?”

“Turn around and maybe you’ll find out~” He said before hanging up.

Dread filled Seven as he looked back. A figure stepped out of the shadows, slender and clad in black. His bleached hair glowed in the moonlight like a halo, yet his green eyes were wide and demonic. A mask covered his nose and mouth, but the folds revealed a manic smile underneath. Perhaps the most striking part was the chainsaw he held. With a high pitched cackle, he revved it up.

“If you want all of your limbs intact, you’d both better come with me. Without fighting.”

They had to surrender. The man shut off the chainsaw, but carried it as he led them into a empty room with a couple chairs and a bookshelf on the far wall. He ordered them to sit.

“Did you like my surprise?” Edgy chainsaw man grabbed some rope. “You should have seen your faces~” He cooed, before cracking up. “It was great!” He started with the princess, tying her torso to the chair. “You probably had no idea I hacked your GPS, right?” He moved on to her hands, holding her wrists together before tying them. “I was hoping to get you alone, but no matter.” His hands moved with gentle and skillful care, but Seven hated the way they lingered on her waist and brushed against her skin. The man soon finished and his eyes narrowed into something dangerous as he approached Seven.

“I won’t let you stop me from taking her to Paradise, clown boy.”

Seven held his knuckles together as the rope tightened around him in hopes of being able to get loose later. Anything to make up for his failure in protecting the princess.

“You’re the one who talked in that spooky voice and locked the door?” She snapped, legs shaking.

“Huh?” Their edgy captor tilted his head to the side. “Spooky voice?”

“Yeah,” Seven said. “You were like ooooOOOoo. . .Why did you returnnn or something like thaaaaat. . .”

The man raised an eyebrow before scowling. “You’re both trying to distract me. I’m not stupid, so stop belittling me!” he hissed before digging in his pocket. In an instant, his anger switched to unhinged glee when he pulled out a piece of candy wrapped in black foil. “Trick or treat, Princess~” He unwrapped it, revealing dark chocolate coated with teal frosting. “Now be a good girl and say ‘ahh~’” He cooed, however his eyes glinted with mischief as he leaned closer and pinched the chocolate between his long fingers.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she turned her head away. The man didn’t give up and pushed the chocolate against her mouth. “Nnf!” She whimpered as her lips formed a thin line.

“Hmm…” The edgy man cocked his head. “Don’t be scared. Once you eat this, you’ll never have to worry about anything ever again.”

Seven’s stomach churned.

“Here. We can share~” The man pulled down his mask, revealing a wide smirk. With a snicker, he popped the chocolate in his mouth, holding it between his teeth. He then set a hand on the chair’s arms and the other grabbed her face.

“Hey!” Seven’s blood boiled. “Don’t touch her!”

A muffled snicker escaped the edgy man as he dug his fingers into her cheeks, forcing her mouth open. The corners of his lips twitched into a victorious smirk, and his eyes shut as he leaned in, bringing the chocolate to her mouth.

Nononono! With a panicked grunt, Seven wiggled and jerked, ignoring the burn of the rough braids.

“S-seh-ehn-!” she cried as the gap between her mouth and the chocolate shrank.

Seven’s struggled more as the rope loosened. A smoke bomb could distract the man, then Seven’s knife would cut the remaining ropes. His wrist ripped free! Fueled by adrenaline, he dug into his pocket and flung out-

Candy.

Just like his phone, all of his other trinkets were in his hoodie pockets.

The colorful array of sweets bounced off man’s tattooed shoulder, causing him to pause.. His eyes widened with awe, and the teal chocolate fell from his mouth just as everything went black.

“You dare taunt me with these two mennnnn?” That same voice from before wailed as a blue fireball appeared, casting a ghostly glow.

The princess screamed when her chair tipped backwards and scraped across the floor.

“No!” Seven clawed at the remaining ropes, but to avail. He was useless.

The chair slammed backwards into the bookcase and her legs flailed upwards. “H-h-help mee-ee-eee!” Her shriek came out bumpy as the bookshelf spun, pushing her to the other side with a loud slam.

“Give her back! ” Edgy chainsaw man chased after her, but crashed into the bookcase. “She’s mine!” He pounded and kicked at the wood, causing several books to fall.

The fireball vanished, leaving them shrouded in inky darkness. Seven squinted as his eyes adjusted to the blackness. The edgy man fell to his knees, fingers gripping his hair. Shallow, frantic breaths filled the air.

“Are you. . .afraid of the dark?” Seven whispered.

“No!” The man snapped. Stray strands of moonlight illuminated his pale face. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. . .Sav. . .ior. . .” He babbled to himself.

“H-hey.” Seven cleared his throat. “Uh. If you untie me, then we can save her together.”

The man pulled his mask back on before narrowing his eyes. “And why shouldn’t I kill you, clown boy?”

“B-because,” Seven blurted the first thing that came to mind. “You can have all my candy. They’re all limited edition and rare. Don’t ask where I got them!” He was rambling, but needed to survive. For her sake.

The man eyed the candies on the floor. “. . .Fine.”

Chainsaw man cut Seven’s ropes and the two inspected the bookshelf. It was clearly a trapdoor they couldn’t activate. Did it only work with ghosts? “What about your chainsaw?” Seven asked.

“Good thinking, clown boy!” The man’s eyes glowed with violent glee, and with a cheerful snicker, he grabbed his chainsaw and shoved Seven out of the way before revving it. His laughter erupted into manic cackles as he cut into the wood. A cloud of sawdust filled the air while a hole formed and grew. “You messed with the wrong people, ghost!” He kicked  down the rest of the wood, revealing a large room with a fireplace. There the captured princess sat, still tied to the chair, but safe.

A frustrated growl came from a willowy shadow bathed in a blue glow. The ghost. “It wasn’t enough for you to leave me for dead, but now you taunt me with these mennn?” He pointed a bony finger at Seven and the chainsaw man. “Perhaps once you suffer and die like I did, I’ll able to move on to the after lifffffe.” A humorless chuckled rumbled as he snapped his fingers. The fireplace erupted to life with an inferno of blue fire.

She gasped and flailed against the ropes when her chair scooted backwards. “No! Please!” Her scream was almost as high pitched as the scape of the chair against the wood.

“No!” Seven barreled past chainsaw man and tackled  the chair away from the blazing fires. Pain shot up his knee upon landing, but he didn’t care. “Are you okay!?”

Her chest heaved and her face glistened with sweat, but she smiled and nodded.

Seven’s insides tingled with a fuzzy warmth. “It’s okay now,” he whispered. “You’re safe.” He brushed away a strand of hair from her face, but the buzz of the chainsaw interrupted him. With a wild cackle, chainsaw man swung at the ghost, but  stumbled and cursed when the weapon went through the ethereal being.

“I’ve had enough of thisss!” Smoke oozed from the ghost. “If these men will interfere, then so be it!” Several floating fireballs appeared throughout the room, causing the temperature to spike and the air to distort with heat. “I’ll burn down this entire place, taking all of you with me!”

“Please don’t!” Her eyes filled with tears. “This isn’t the answer! But. . . if you want, hurt me instead, not Seven and this other guy. They did nothing wrong!”

Seven’s lungs constricted. Why was she sacrificing herself? She was so kind hearted. Not someone who would abandon anyone.

Not someone like him.

“You’ve got the wrong person!” He shouted. “Your lover left you? That wasn’t her. She’d never do that! From the moment I first met her, she’s been nothing but sweet and caring. She listens to our problems and puts up with a lot of crap like chatrooms at three in the morning! I know without a doubt she’d never abandon or betray anyone!”

Her eyes grew watery as her expression softened. “Please believe me, I’m not who you think I am, but. . .I’m so sorry that happened. No one deserves to go through the pain you did. I-I wish I could help you. . .!” Her voice cracked and her lips quivered.

There was a pause and Seven was sure they were all going to die, but then the flames dwindled one by one. “I see,” the ghost’s voice softened. “Revenge may not be the answer. It’s strange.” He lifted a hand to his chest. “I feel. . .warm? Is this what moving on feels like? I wish I had met someone like you instead of that woman. Perhaps my life would have been much longer and happier.”

Seven’s heart flip flopped.

“Thank. . .you. . .” The ghost faded, leaving the three of them in the dark silence

Not wasting another moment, Seven untied her, before helping her stand. His cheeks burst into flame when she hugged him tightly.

“Thank you so much for saving me!”

Seven returned the embrace. Why was it so hot in here? Slowly, his shoulders relaxed and he squeezed her tighter. “I-I don’t know what I would have done if something happened.”

“Seven,” she whispered as she pulled back.

He got lost in her eyes as their magnetic force tugged him closer. What was this feeling? Was this…? His lips parted and he closed his eyes.

Wailing sirens broke the spell.

Edgy chainsaw man cursed under his breath and shoved his hands into his candy filled pockets. “This is my cue to leave,” he stomped towards the nearest window. However, before he climbed out, he turned and burst into hysterical laughter. “I’ll come back and visit you soon, Princess~”

Seven joined in on the laughter. This edgy dude had a hilarious laugh. “Hey! I hope you visit me too! I’ll have more candy for you- Oh! And Honey Buddha Chips. You’ve gotta try those!”

The man jolted, then shrugged. “I guess you’d make a good Believer too, Clown Boy.” With that, he jumped out of the window as blue and red flashing lights filled the dark room.

“Guess, the cavalry came,” Seven chuckled.

She grinned and nodded. “The real question is if Jumin was the one who sent them. Wanna change our bet to that?”

“No way! I still wanna scare Zen-gwuh!” Seven sputtered in shock when she took his hand and tugged him towards the door with a sweet giggle. His pulse pounded in his ears louder than the sirens and for a split second, he thought he might faint.

“Happy Halloween, Seven~”

A/N: This was really fun to write. Honestly, it had been a lot longer, but I had to cut out several thousand words in order to fit the zine's wordcount;;; Still, I think tightening it was for the better. I also couldn't resist adding Unknown. From the moment I applied to the zine, i knew I wanted to write something with Unknown and a haunted house +_+ The elixir chocolate scene was sjfkdsjfkdsfj yum +_+

Anyways, am I the only one that remembers those old Ronald McDonald cartoons? The 90's ones? That's where I got the title from. Does anyone remember the haunted house episode? Good times lol (Seriously. Let me know if you remember it, because nobody in the zine server did sjflksfjdsjfds)