#all cuz of STUPID anxiety taking over but he was so nice he said i am so gorgeou t really and aa

[hauntedotherworld]

OMG it was so fun! we had the best time we hungout around all the shops i laughed so much i must’ve looked crazy at some points , he was so happy to see me again and kept complimenting me it was so sweet omg hes the one who looks like a model genuinly but .. and and we had another drink just earlier the lady asked for id she thought i was underage (AS USUALL) somehow i said my birthdate and whatnot and she let me holy shit 😂 i like her.. she said sorry i cant give it to u cuz u have no idea and u look so young but she did! but HOLY SHIT this martini is got was the sweetest thing ive ever drunk, it was like syrup , coconut piepape sugar syrup. i drunk most tho to be pil it e and cuz my bestie paid for it for me even tho i insisted i will 🤧💖 hes so sweet, we were too broke to buy anything really else but we just hungout had a great time we were so excited ohh god he looked AMAZING like wow wow i am so lucky hes my bestie . he was like just twll me if ur anxious etc he said dont worry ill protect you when we were walking to the reataurant bcs i was yea a little nervous its so new to me but he made me feel better

omgg i just had such a good time i was really nervous but excited i didnt eat anything he wanted me to get something or a drink i was like no no im okay lol i just do whever he wants to go well go

[leighsartworks216]

It's Nothing

Sylus x AFAB!Reader

Inspired by my late as fuck period and joking with my friend that I was the next virgin mary. Not proofread cuz I want to post it but I'm tired of looking at it

Warnings: pregnancy scare, menstruation, period fic, anxiety, overthinking, lack of communication, communication, silly, cuddling, kissing, swearing

Word Count: 1,450

Main Masterlist

First Love and Deepspace Masterlist

Second Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

"Sweetie? What has you so distracted lately?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! I was just, uh- thinking about work, that's all!"

"You're a terrible liar. Tell me what's wrong."

"It's-" You falter, searching desperately for an excuse and coming up woefully empty "It's really nothing, Sy. I'll tell you at some point, just..."

"... Just not right now." He sighs, but nods, dismissing the subject. A frown lingers on his face as he turns back to the movie. "I trust you, sweetie," he says after a long pause, when it seemed the topic had been dropped completely.

The guilt sinks down into your stomach, but you bite your tongue and cuddle further into his side. The rest of the night remains tense.

You want to tell him. Admit what's on your mind. Finally release this stress from your body. But you can't! Because... what if he leaves you? And maybe you're just being paranoid for nothing - but you can't take that risk, not with Sylus, of all people.

Your period is over a week late. That's not terribly unusual, but it is suspicious given the fact you've stopped using protection in the bedroom. Well, not necessarily stopped, since you're on birth control, but things get heated and he's finished inside of you without a condom. So... what if your birth control didn't do its job 100%? You know there’s a small percentage of it failing, so what if this time is the time it chooses to be ineffective?

Dr. Zayne is the only person you've told about your fears, when you went in for a checkup and nervously asked if he could run a pregnancy test for you. You're not sure if being your childhood friend made the next line of questioning about your sex life more or less awkward. You do know that that test came back negative... But Zayne said after the fact that it could be too early to tell.

So all you can really do now is wait until you do or don't get your period again.

You know it bothers Sylus a lot, your secrecy. You two have both progressed so far in learning how to trust each other, even with the stupid things. This just... doesn't feel like one of those stupid things. You've only just put a name to the relationship, you don't want to ruin that now when things are so new and nice.

So you hold it in. You try your damndest to put it on the back burner and show him as best you can that everything is fine and that you still love and trust him.

You wake up with your body's internal clock. With the N109 Zone being so dark, knowing when day is is a bit tricky. But, Sylus is asleep beside you, laying on his stomach with his face buried in his pillow. He doesn't have a shirt on. A wide expanse of tan skin and rippling muscle is left exposed as the blankets all pool around his hips.

You smile to yourself, albeit a bit mournfully. You're glad he's still sleeping beside you, even if you've both been a bit rocky lately. It's all your fault - you know. You'll make it up to him somehow. You have to.

Slowly, as quietly as you can, you slip out of bed and creep to the bathroom...

"Sy!" You see him startle out of sleep, hand already wrapped around the gun under his pillow as he sits up, searching for the danger.

"What is it?" he asks sharply. You run and jump onto the bed, landing partially on top of him. He tosses the gun onto his nightstand and lifts you by the waist to reposition you into his lap as he sits up properly. "What's got you so excited?"

"I'm not pregnant!"

He blinks up at you with a frown. You grab his shoulders like an excited kid, looking at him expectantly. He feels like he’s skipped several chapters into a book and the plot twist reveal isn’t making any sense. "What are you talking about, sweetie?"

You're practically vibrating in his lap with energy. It's the most light he's seen in your eyes for the last week and a half. It's... relieving. "I'm not pregnant! We haven't been as careful with protection lately and then my period was supposed to come, but it didn't, so I had a pregnancy test done, but Zayne said it could be too early to tell when it came back negative, so I've been waiting and waiting to know if I really am and-! And I'm not! I'm bleeding again, Sylus! I'm not pregnant!"

He shakes his head, brow pinched with a pained expression. "That's the 'nothing' you've been distracted by all week?"

"Um..." You grin sheepishly. "Yeah?"

He takes a moment, eyes closed and lips drawn into a frown. That guilt that settled in your stomach during your movie night returns, doubled in intensity. You got over-worried and kept secrets from your boyfriend, when you could have just told him from the start how weird it was that your period is late and how worried you are about what it could mean.

"Sy...?"

"Mmm."

"Are you mad at me?"

He finally opens his eyes. The expression eases slightly as he shakes his head with a sigh. "Have the cramps hit yet?"

You shake your head. "Um, no?"

Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around you and your world tilts on its axis. A heavy weight settles above you. Sylus's nose presses against your neck. "Good. Let's stay here for when they do."

You try to wriggle loose. He tightens his hold around you and nips at your skin sharply. You jolt, but it stops your struggling. “Why do we have to stay here for my cramps?”

“Because, sweetie,” he sighs. You’d think he’s annoyed, if it weren’t for the way he runs his nose along the column of your throat and eases his weight fully onto your body. “When your cramps start, you’re going to want a heating pad and a massage. And since you hate my massages-“

“I do not!”

“-it’s better if I just lay here and provide all the heat you desire.”

His logic isn’t faulty… And, honestly, having him so close to you again, without the barrier you built between you both, is really, really nice. So, you relent. You wrap your arms around his neck and begin playing with his hair. He lets out a contented hum, pressing a kiss to your pulse.

“So… you’re not mad at me?” you ask again.

“No, I’m not mad. I was… worried. Suddenly you were pulling away from me with no explanation and no warning. I thought…” You gently pull on his hair to remove his face from your neck. He follows with no resistance, resting his chin on your chest as he looks up at you with such serious eyes, tinged with sleepiness and lingering concern. “I thought you didn’t trust me anymore.”

You frown at the admission. For over a week, he thought you were pulling away because you didn’t trust him… “I guess I didn’t help any, keeping my worries a secret…” He doesn’t agree, but you see a slight quirk in his brow. “I’m sorry, Sy. I didn’t… I just… This is so new. I was worried that if I was pregnant, you’d be upset or leave me or something.”

He scoffs. “I’m not so easily scared off, kitten.”

“And I know that now.” You lean forward and press a lingering kiss to his forehead. His eyes flutter shut, furrow in his brow relaxing. When you pull away, they open to look at you once again. “I promise, from now on, I won’t keep secrets like that from you anymore. You’ll be the first to know if I’m worried about anything.”

He grins slightly. “Thank you, sweetie. I promise to be just as honest with you.”

He lifts himself up just enough to capture your lips. Your mouths move together in a languid dance, sealing the deal you two have just made. It lasts several minutes. Neither of you really ever want it to end, but Sylus needs his sleep and you’re going to need all his love and care when your uterus decides to rain hellfire on you to make up for lost time. He pulls away slowly, trails light kisses down your jaw, and tucks himself back into your neck.

Everything feels so much more secure now. Despite all your fears, the relationship has grown stronger. And you know, you’re both going to be okay.

-

Bonus:

“Is the thought of having my kids that terrible?”

“You know that’s not why I was worried, you asshole.”

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc @pomegranatepip @cordidy @an-ever-angry-bi @thejysemongko @deusfoundry

[caffieneaddictt18]

Mate

werewolf x reader who works at Walmart - just meeting. Kind of random but i get bored at work sooo....

"Yo, yo, yo, what's poppin?" I ask as I approach a couple with a baby, probably in their late 20s. My hand is already blindly grabbing for my name badge.

"Hi!" The woman says smiling, "The machine just stopped and said something about a scale. I'm just trying to weigh my zucchini."

The man next to her nods as he plays with the baby, as to back her up. I don't necessarily care.

My shins are starting to hurt... I thought the new ortho shoes would help...

My hands go through the practiced motion of taking whatever was on the scale off, pressing the button for zucchini, and then weighing it. Aka, the only way to weigh your produce that doesn't throw the machine into a hissy-fit.

"Easy-peasy," I slap on my customer service voice like the passed on Queen of England decided to step into Wal-Mart, "Just make sure to press the button beforehand, and then weigh the produce. And it's so funky." I try to make it relatable for the woman, "Some produce needs to be weighed and others need to be counted. It gets confusing." I smile and see her smiling in relief, thankful that someone understands her.

Someone does but it aint me. This is my whole ass job.

I smile and say the unforgettable 'Have a great day!' before leaving and having to walk around the self-check.

New big boss gonna fire me if I stop walking... fucking bullshit. I see a toy that was placed on a chip shelf and mess with it as I go to put it away.

"Hey! Hey! Girl!" Someone snaps their fingers at me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, smiling a smile that would put Alastor to shame.

"Hello! What seems to be the problem today?" My customer service voice is getting strained as I see it's just an old man wanting to buy alcohol.

"The machine will need you to check my age when I buy this alcohol." He gestures to the cart that has it's undercarriage filled with Modelo.

I look at his order on his screen and scroll through it. "Well, sir, it looks like you haven't scanned it yet, so I can't give you the go ahead; But once you do, I can definitely give you the go ahead to buy it." I throw it back in his face, trying to make him feel as stupid as possible. He scoffs and takes the hand scanner off the terminal and it starts beeping loudly at him.

"Stop yelling at me!" He shouts, frustrated that it won't stop beeping and won't scan his beer.

"Well, sir, it is a machine, so it can't yell at you. It doesn't have a mouth. It's just beeping because the batteries are going out, but you can definitely wait until the hand scanner flashes green, and then it should work." I patiently wait for him to put it back on the terminal. And once it flashes green, he scans the beer.

The first notification, asking if the customer looks younger than 40, pops up. I look back at the man and size him up and down before pressing 'No'.

"Have a great day, sir!" I bounce away and continue walking around. I see a group of men who are all standing around quietly, just simply waiting. Their light is flashing red and they are being silent. It's definitely a nice change.

I walk over. "Hey there. Sorry to bother you, but I gotta fix this. Sorry." I look at the screen... and it's a mis-scan. My boss is gonna hate me...

"Sorry about the wait, guys! It's been a busy day." I think back to when someone dropped a whole gallon of whole milk and it leaked into the aisle next to it. We had to use two whole things of spill clean-up... my anxiety has been high ever since. Could also just be the 5 Hour Energy and Redbull I chugged, but meh.

"No problem. I could tell." The obvious leader of their band of friends talks, as if talking for the whole group. One of the guys has a faint blush on his face and the others are laughing, talking about their plans.

I watch the little video the camera produced and determine that it was just an old bag crossing over the scanner without being scanned... cuz it is an old bag.

"Oops. Looks like it's just the bag. The machine must've just gotten confused. Sorry about that." I smile and wave before giving them the go-ahead to keep scanning.

"No worries. Thank you."

"Anytime."

I think back to the one guy who was blushing and leaning on the cart's handle. He's kinda cute... and hot. What the fuck.

Meh whatever. Just focus on work- I did it, I did, I jumped-

"Hey! Girl! I need you to ring up my groceries for me!" I silently sigh and walk over.

"Of course, sir!"

Another day in the life of a person at Wal-Mart.

__________________________________________

Author's Cup of Tea:

Im ngl, i thought about this while I was changing prices in the cigarette cases. It took 4 hours to do all of the price changes😭

[joemama-2]

mr ito does NAWT know when to BACK THE FUCK OFFFFFF goddd i hate him 😭 im glad gojo put him in his place a little bit but damn i cant believe he keeps trying to assert himself in her space? as if he has any right to be in her business, acting like he is a factor in her family as her man or some shit its creepy as FUCK.

im also surprised she did not keel over during the day as her anxiety is sky rocketing like damn shes crazy strong i would not be able to go on as she did. but when satoru said she had no right to be angry... come on now what kind of bs???? her life got entirely turned UPSIDE DOWN within a goddamn WEEK!!! and everything she was afraid of has happened!!! everything she tried to protect koji from is suddenly a reality she has to deal with!!! she has every right to be angry wtf!!! i hate how everyone is making HER out to be the villain it makes me lividddd 😤😤😤😤 and everyone acting like she is not allowed to feel ANYTHING about it and is just supposed to shut up and take it??? i hope she bites everyones heads off for real and that harami girl or whoever too i KNOW she is about to attack her for No Goddamn Reason 😤😤😤😤😤 she tried to stay out of yalls life bitch she did not choose this ffs 😫 even satoru acting like none of her reasons for keeping koji out of his life were valid, when clearly THEY WERE!!!! AS FUCKING EVIDENCED!!!! IT TOOK A WEEEEEEK BITCH!!! A WEEK 😫😫😫😫😫

also what place are they staying at??? the same one the picture got taken in?? if i was gojo i would be moving out of there fr 😭 how did mei mei even manage to take a picture of them in that skyscraper... im thinking like someone posted up in the skyscraper across the street or there was some drone action, either way creepy af like that place is compromised gurl get out of therrrre 😫

i am ANXIOUS AS FUCK!!! READER BETTER HAVE SOMEONE IN HER CORNER SOON CUS I CANT TAKE IT ANYMOOOORE EVERYONE IS AGAINST HER 😭😭😭😭😭 (wink wink...satoru step the fuck UP) but fr it feels like the whole world is out to get her, why is everyone making her out to be such a bad person i really dont see it and it makes me want to fight everyone like a rabid dog 😭😭😤😤

hello! to answer the questions before i get into an analytical standpoint

1) gojo and reader and koji are staying at his penthouse (he’s stupid, yeah) BUT he has only put up large curtains the day he found out about the leak (even more stupid, and i was gonna write that in but eh LOL) he would have stayed at one of his other places, but considering the penthouse is closest to the office and his family/friends know where he is at, he’s decided this would be the temporary fix. also, keep in mind the public doesn’t know where his penthouse is, they just have the interior photo

2) gojo lives in a very metropolitan, rich, and just overall very nice area where the other buildings around his are equally as big. so meimei—i mean SOMEONE (lol) could’ve easily been hiding out from a distance buildings over on the rooftop (the drone tho? girl u hacking into my docs??)

3) mr. itos trying it but trust he’ll get his well deserved punishment

as for my analytical response:

gojo says things he shouldn’t and doesn’t mean, same for reader. it wasn’t his place to tell her not to be angry, but i think he also acknowledges that fact only after he said it. i think right now, it’s at the peak of all the shit happening to her so it’s very frustrating. but also remember, a lot of this is told in y/ns pov. public eye doesn’t know shit, so they’re bashing gojo but equally bashing y/n. and the fact that it took a week?? that’s what makes y/n even more mad cuz she was RIGHT. mothers know best.

and finally, she’ll have someone in her corner tho, don’t worry 😉😉

[ruminate88]

Dealing with an emotional wound when it gets triggered:

11/22/24 (I’m not crazy! My experiences are valid)

My husband unknowingly triggered me today and it made me physically sick. I mean… 😢

We were driving and I was ordering food from the McDonald’s app … I always get car sick but I wasn’t even car sick till we actually got to McDonald’s.

As I’m ordering, my husband suddenly brings up the stress of money again (which I despise). Every time my husband stresses about money, he gets worked up and makes me feel bad. He’s normally a nice and gentle guy but he doesn’t understand that when he gets stressed and raises his voice, it triggers me 😢

It took me right back to when my ex Andrew would get overly angry/irritated towards me with stress and make me feel really bad about myself and nothing I would say positive to Andrew would change the situation or make him happy. It hurts you when someone you love is angry and taking it out on you!! I wonder if Andrew had wounds from childhood that was triggering him and I was just the closest person to him in the moment so that’s why he took his stress and anger out on me?? Idk ❤️‍🩹

but while my husband is stressing about money and getting worked up, I was allll in my head trying to NOT compare my husband to Andrew. I was doing ok but my husband just kept going and going…. Suddenly we get into the McDonald’s drive thru and BOOM nausea came over me… I felt like throwing up!!! I say to my husband “idk why all the sudden I’m nauseous” but my husband KEPT TALKING! Wow why didn’t he stop?? Sooo, I assertively said to him again, “wow I’m feeling so sick all of the sudden” HE STILL KEPT GOING 😔😨 that was when I started to get worked up

Wow that really upset me… I tell you I’m feeling sick and yet you ignore me and keep stressing at me. (I think my husband is just battling anxiety) but I felt like does my husband even care about me??? Is he just like Andrew ?? 😳🥺 it’s so unfair … I hate comparing my husband to Andrew all the time but it’s truly out of my control. Whenever we got home, I tried to sit still on the couch and calm myself down. My husband finally stopped talking about money and says to me “You were looking at your phone” and I asked him what does that mean and he says “in the car… you were looking down on your phone.” So I feel like that was his way of saying he thinks that’s why I got sick.

But when I went into the bathroom thinking I’m gonna be sick, I’m just trapped remembering how angry Andrew was with me, taking his stress out on me and treated me as I was stupid… then I felt like my husband was doing the same thing in the car and ugh ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I cried cuz I don’t wanna experience ANYMORE abuse. I HATE stress but it happens. Life is full of stress. Nothing is my fault. I can’t fix anybody or take their stress or anxiety away 😝 I can’t take it personal. I don’t think my husband is toxic but idk I can never rest I watch his every move worried to repeat another bad relationship 😭

I actually had to just come to bed and take a nap. I hate this ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I asked God to help me understand and heal this wound. I don’t have a name for it but it’s clearly an issue for me. Also, I don’t know what Andrew was experiencing when he would take things out on me but I forgive him because clearly he was having a hard time and I just happened to get the brunt of it 🥺 I loved Andrew but I can’t make anybody happy or healthy. Nothing was my fault. I did nothing wrong and I acknowledge I couldn’t help Andrew.

[the-firebird69]

Couple more things they see him sitting in there and decide not to bother him it's so damn hot out and they decide to go in and sit in there. They say they're watching the machines and they are they're helping people and it works work for him he says.

---and there's some other things to report Dave AKA Dan is sick of trump cherry cheese was sick of him he said we want your ass out of there if they asked you to leave and they actually did they told him get out and he's probably going to be forcibly removed cuz the cops were trying to grab our son then the a****** come back. And he's not he Rose's body but he's moving around like he doesn't have a problem he says I don't think I do have a problem you know sunset you better examine some of it and I saw you in the bathroom squeezing a big bunch of cottage cheese and it didn't look good and he says what is that it usually doesn't change unless it's hardens amigos oh so big and it hardens and trains and it's what happens it shrinks sometimes to 1/3 the size they're saying I don't really know but I have doctors on call so he goes and tells people what he's thinking he's thinking he's in trouble I said yeah we thought you were in trouble. But he's on medicine and it's for cancer and he knows that he's prescribed it and he's trying to take it and get sick cuz why is it caused me to sick it's like I'm starting toxins that Target the cancer and if you don't do it you might not live at all and usually chemo's not really that difficult people usually do it everyday with vegetables and medicine people doing less of it because the stupid sulfur and the food is going into the food they said wow that sucks. So he's going to start doing it but boy you just kind of like clueless

--there is a battle waging today's losses in by midnight will be humongous we're thinking 40 million and we think the leadership went to to 3.1 million here in Charlotte county. And the leadership of the pseudo empire is included as is the clones it's all warlock races and the leadership of the warlock will be probably 1.7% and the pseudo empire 3.7% roughly the clones at 11.5%, it's not going down as fast for being a lot of troops in it's causing a problem but that's the way it is and the neighborhood is going to sit tight at 370.

---there's other things happening on this place is a busting out with anxiety in some fear tiredness it's the dangerous combination and alcohol drinking and they're going carousing bar to bar and it's not good. They want to fight people or get it over with and things like that proves that the boss and it's really nasty

---I got things on the horizon by the end of the day the Eastern hemisphere is going to have completely different numbers then we announced earlier and Trump's are getting their getting a hammered their heads are getting handed to them it's not pretty it's not nice but that's what's happening more over is going to happen more and more and they're totally disgusted but they're going to all die. There's a lot more to announce there's a lot more going on we do have many things to discuss we have a lot of stuff that is rudimentary to go over but basically there's a lot of loss for the pseudo empire and the trumpsters overseas there are a lot of scared people coming here and they leave almost immediately stinks there's nothing here they go west and to the South and they should but it's global and our people are somewhere so we have to go in and it's taking time there are a lot of areas that are not like America it is true but mostly it is but your numbers are coming are significant it has been like this for years we do know what's going on but we need people now and I just need to sign on you're doing it yourself then hours of service if you're not we don't want to say that to you you need to sign on it's not helping you if you're not I really leaders are asking for me and people here on Earth need help and we are required you to pitch in to save us and to be the right people that we are and they have extremely powerful weapon systems that are ours...

Thor Freya

Olympus

Pay attention to that last sentence everybody's ours and right now

Hera yeh!!!! Zues

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[yifftwiceplz]

“Man. You dragged us all the way out to Vegas to spend the night up here in the hotel? Cmon.”

“Shut up.”

Dirk raised a brow.

Dave sighs. “Sorry, just… When I left the house I kept thinking about just running and running and never coming back. And that’s not healthy.” He pulls his knees to his chest and rests his cheek on his arms. “I wanted to get away and. I didn’t know where to even go. I just said Vegas cuz that seems like a good place to go.” Dave let a small pause hang in the air before adding, “Sorry.”

“I kind of figured. But you’re already here.”

“I know…”

Dirk regards Dave silently for a few moments, then takes a seat at the foot of the bed. “Man. I’m down to clown with whatever, you know that. I knew you just needed a break and you probably didn’t actually want to go to Vegas so much as just get away.”

Dave remains silent.

“But…” Continues Dirk. “This is kinda lame. We coulda done this at my apartment.”

“I know………” Dave pulls his knees closer to his chest and dips his head down.

Dirk gives his shin an awkward, gentle punch.

“You wigging out isn’t gonna do anything except give you gastro issues.”

Dave heaves a sigh.

“This is a classic rock and a hard place situation. On the one hand, go back home and face your wife and all your fears. On the other hand, stay here and fuck around. Either option is pretty good. But you’re doing the thing where you’re scared of both so you’re just getting further into your own head and giving yourself grey hairs.”

Silence from Dave again.

“You gotta make a decision man. We’ve been here 10 hours and all we’ve done is watch Sesame Street and order pizza.”

“I’m not keeping you here.” Dave mumbled.

“Shut up. You know I’m not gonna go down and party while my bro is sitting up in the hotel room trying not to drown in his own emotional squalor.”

“...”

“You wanted to turn around and go back home as soon as we got to the hotel huh.”

Yet again Dave is silent. Tears prick at his eyes.

Dirk watches him for a few moments. “Why don’t we just go home man. Let’s come back to Vegas after we’ve had more planning. Once you and Karkat make up.”

“Man…” Dave’s voice cracks, and tears flow. “Man what if we don’t make up.”

“Don’t be stupid. I know it feels like a lot. But you guys have a rock solid foundation for your relationship. Just because running away was kind of a dick move doesn’t mean it’s over. Doesn’t mean you’re gonna get divorced.”

“...”

“... Dave. I know you don’t want him to die.”

Dave grits his teeth hard.

“... And you know there’s no way around that if that’s what he wants.”

Dave balls up his fists and clenches his eyes shut.

Dirk moves to sit next to him. He hesitates, before awkwardly putting an arm over his brother’s shoulder.

“All you can do is make peace with it. There aren’t any options that don’t involve invalidating his agency. Or being fucking weird.”

Dave blurts out, barely intelligible between the mumbling, his crying, having his face shoved into his knees. Something along the lines of how they all died so many times in SBURB and it was never real. Dirk chooses not to comment on the deaths that were real. After a while, Dirk takes Dave’s hands and gently wrings them away from his eyes, making eye contact.

“Dave. Please call your wife.”

Dave’s face contorts into a variety of emotions. Dirk lets go of his brother’s hands, and Dave uses Karkat’s hoodie to wipe the tears and snot off his face.

“Ok ok fine. Fuck.” He sniffs to clear his sinuses and looks to Dirk, who’s collecting his things to go sit on the balcony. “Thanks bro.” Dave adds.

“Anytime man.”

Dave picks up his phone and stares at the lockscreen, occasionally pressing the side button to keep it from going blank. It takes several minutes of anxiety and bursts of tears before he finally navigates to Karkat’s profile and hits “facetime.”

Karkat answers almost instantaneously, which jumpscares Dave. “Jesus.”

“Sorry my bad. Dirk told me you were going to call.”

Motherfucker. Stop meddling. “Oh. Well. Hi.”

“... Hi. Nice hoodie.”

“Hah. Thanks. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Dave notices the bright red hoodie Karkat is wearing.

“I like yours too.”

“Thanks.”

Several minutes of silence go by, with both of them shifting and making no more than a few seconds of eye contact. Finally, Dave speaks.

“I’m sorry babe.”

Karkat glares at him. To be fair, that’s how his face always looks. “It’s okay.”

“It’s okay?” Dave starts, but instantly clears his throat, not looking to jump right back into that kind of tone. “It’s not okay. I just ran off.”

“Yeah well, Rose told me where you were going.”

“I didn’t tell Rose–” Oh, Dirk is gonna get it. Dave withers.

“You should be thanking them. Because if you’d run off and I didn’t have any idea where you’d gone I would have torn this whole bitch of an earth apart to find you just so I could twist your dick off one rotation at a time.”

Dave laughs awkwardly. “Man… okay. Good point. I’m glad you weren’t worried.”

“I did NOT say I wasn’t worried. But at least I knew. Y’know.” Karkat seems to deflate, and his glare lessens. “That you were coming back?”

Dave takes in the insecurity written all over his wife’s face. “Babe. Babe of course I’m gonna come back.” He chokes slightly.

“Okay.” Karkat chokes too. “Okay good. … When?”

“I… I don’t know…” Dave stalls.

“Dave.” Karkat gives him a pleading look. “Come home. Please.”

He can’t make eye contact, remaining silent as tears spill freely from his eyes.

“Please?” Karkat’s voice cracks. “I don’t wanna be alone in our house.”

Dave chokes, and sobs openly. He sloppily wipes at his eyes and his body language tightens further.

“God, I’m such a dick.”

“You’re not a dick. This is a genuinely fucked up situation for both of us to have to be in. There’s not really a precedence for this kind of thing. And we were gonna have to talk about it at some point, before I…”

Another pause. Dave feels acutely aware of his environment; the hotel room, the cacophony of nightlife droning in the background, the rainbow of neon lights flashing in his peripherals. He’s aware of how far away he is from his wife, and how little fun he’s having. He feels nauseous.

Karkat watches Dave patiently. It’s normal for Dave to lapse in response. They both sit in a comfortable silence while their tensions ease, and as the minutes pass by, Dave’s body language gradually loosens.

“I. I wanna do it.” Karkat mutters.

“... What?”

“I’ll do it. We can find a quest bed.”

Dave stares at Karkat, mouth agape. “... Babe. I don’t want you to feel pressured-”

“Oh spare me. You know god damn well I’ve never done what anybody else has ever told me to do.” 

“Yeah but-”

“Shut up a second. I’m serious. I wanna do it. I mean, ‘want’ is a strong word but out of all the options ahead of us, it’s the least suckshit one. I was thinking about what you said. About how… how you’re basically preemptively grieving. And. I get it. I mean, there’s not a whole lot of precedence for how long mutantbloods even live, given that studies on them are usually posthumous. And those are the lucky ones.”

“...”

“I started thinking about. What if it was the other way around. What if I was immortal and you were gonna die in a handful of sweeps and then I just had to completely rebuild my whole fucking life again. But this time, without you. I don’t…” Karkat runs his hands through his bangs compulsively. “Fuck. I don’t know how I’d handle it. I’d probably do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the deep end.”

“...”

“And I mean. Maybe being stuck on your bullshit planet forever won’t be so bad as long as it’s with you. And the rest of my friends.”

Dave fumbles for anything intelligent to say, before Karkat graciously offers an out.

“Talk about it more when you get home?”

“... Yeah. We’ll get packed.”

“Text me on the way.”

“Of course. Love you. So much.”

Karkat’s eyes glob up with tears. “I love you too. Asshole.”

“Boogerwipe.”

“Shitsniffer.”

Dave laughs softly. After several minutes of embarrassing insults and “I love yous” and “No you hang ups” they finally disconnect the call. Dave steps out on the balcony to talk to Dirk.

“Number one: get your shit let’s head back. Number two, I’m gonna kick your teeth in.”

Dirk raises a brow.

“Number three… thanks man. I owe you big time.”

“Nah. You woulda done the same for me.”

They share a hug and some solid pats on the back before packing their shit and setting off on the 16 hour drive back to East Texas.

[ Years in the future, but not many… ]

[ +10 to be precise]

“Is it really that crazy to think I don’t want to lose you?”

“I don’t know what you expect Dave,” Karkat sighs, and pinches the bridge of his nose, “it’s not like I can go down to the hospital and get mortality reassignment surgery.”

“We still have access to the rest of the omniverse. You know I don’t ask the council for jack shit, and you know they love you. We could find a blood quest bed if we just looked around.”

Karkat throws his head back and groans. “You seriously want to risk infecting the universe we worked so hard to protect with another Jack Noir or Lord English? Or some other unknowable horror? Just for this?”

“Just for this?” Dave raises his voice slightly, despite the shakiness permeating his body. “Our marriage, which you so fuckin' casually gesture and refer to as ‘this’, is everything to me, just in case that wasn’t extremely god damn obvious.”

Karkat narrows his eyes at Dave in a cold glare. “Don’t twist my words. Don’t try to make it sound like I don’t care about our marriage, Dave. That’s not fucking fair and you know it.” He spits, making an effort to bite back tears.

Dave remains silent.

Karkat continues. “Has it not occurred to you, even once, just once, that I don’t want to live forever?”

“Has it not occurred to you that I also don’t want to live forever? Especially if it’s without you?” Dave retorts.

“Oh!” Karkat throws his hands up. “So I’m the lucky one, because I get to die early!”

“Kinda, yeah!” Dave shouts, hands visibly shaking. “You fucking asshole. How do you expect me to take it knowing every day I get a little closer to watching your health decline?? To watching you fade away. Going to your corpse party. And then coming back to our house, alone.” His voice cracks.

Karkat remains silent.

After a long, pregnant pause in the conversation, Dave wordlessly puts on houseslippers and a hoodie.

“Where the hell are you going.” Questions a deflated Karkat.

“I gotta get some air.” Dave mutters to himself. He exits, restraining himself from slamming the door when he hears Karkat call his name. He turns his phone off and shoves it in his back pocket.

Dave stops at a cornerstore for some cigarettes and a cappuccino. Normally he’d mix all the flavors. He barely has the heart to push the buttons and talk to the cashier. He notes Karkat is usually one to facilitate transactions.

He chooses to walk. Kind of annoying to smoke and have coffee while you’re flying around like Superman. Not that he has a solid plan for where he’s walking. The urge to get out of the house provided enough fuel to walk to the gas station, and beyond that, he’s acting on pure impulse. He naturally finds himself wandering through the park to Dirk’s apartment.

Dirk answers the light rapping on the door almost instantly; does this dude ever sleep? Dave makes a note to hound him about that when he’s not in the middle of a fight with Karkat.

“Sup.” He says flatly.

“Sup.” Dave responds flatly. “Wanna go to Vegas?”

There’s barely a moment of pause before Dirk points out the obvious.

“Are you and Karkat fighting?”

Dave sulks, somehow expecting Dirk to not put 2 and 2 together. Or at least not comment.

 “Do you want to talk about it on the way to Vegas or not.”

“... Yeah, ok. Do you want clothes?”

Dave looks down to check his fit. He admits to himself it’s a bit dumpy. It’s then he notices the grey symbol on the chest - he’d grabbed Karkat’s hoodie. His heart sinks in his chest and he flinches. Anyone other than his family wouldn’t have noticed. “No,” Dave voicecracks. After a moment he adds, “It’s Vegas right? Who cares.”

Dirk, equally dumpy looking, blinks owlishly behind his shades and gives a light shrug. “Are we taking the car or flying?”

Dave dumps his empty coffee cup in the apartment dumpster. “I know it’s a pain in the ass but can we take the car? I like the rumbling. And I don’t want my eyes to be dry as shit when I get there.”

“Yeah, of course.” Thank fuck for Dirk always being down to clown.

Within ten minutes, the Striders are loaded up in Dirk’s car with an itinerary, westbound and down.

[just-my-type-x]

Everything I Didn't Say

This isn't a request, but i needed to let some things off my chest and i thought this could help. I hope u'll still enjoy it. I'm still not coming back for a week or so, so I'll let u with this for now

Pic not mine

You've reached Colby Brock, please leave a message after the beep cuz I'm probably hunting some ghosts now and I'll get back to you beep

I take a deep breath and my hamd shakes on the phone.

"Hey, Colby. It's been a while. I don't know if you still know me. I'm y/n y/l/n, we used to be friends a while back.", i chuckle, my voice shaky because of the emotion. "I know it's weird calling you out of the blue... I don't know why I'm doing this because i will never actually let this voice message to come through. I guess i just needed to get it off my chest.", i sigh and look at the seconds of the voice message turning into one minute. I have two more minutes until the voice message gets automatically sent.

"You're probably asking yourself why is this girl calling you, she doesn't know either, she just felt the need to let you know that she's madly in love with you. I've been supporting you, guys, for such a long time now, watching every video and I'm so sorry we've lost touch over the past few years. Everything seemed nice, i don't know what happened.. " i take another deep breath." Colby, i just want to tell you that i miss seeing your face, i miss our stupid conversations about every possible thing, i miss your hugs that you suddenly stopped giving me, your smile brightening your face whenever you saw me. Silly me still thinks you liked me, ha ha", i laugh bitterly, a tear forming in the corner of my eye. "i still remember when we met in High school and you saw me on the hallway. You couldn't stop looking at me while passing by. You even hit the lockers with your back. Sam laughed at you and then looked at me, whispering to you something like holy smokes. And then how we've met for real when a mutual friend introduced us to each other, i couldn't help myself but to look at all your features and memorise them, cause i knew you were going to be the death of me. I tell myself that love at first sight doesn't exist, but with you.. Colby, you are something else and i hate you for what you made me feel. I always think about how you tried to pick on anything just to talk to me, how you were outside playing some game with your friends with a football ball and you told them i distracted you when you lost the game.", i laugh at the memory, replaying it in my head. "i really wish i could see you one more time. I'm in love with you, Colb-"

Your voice message was successfully sent

"NO. No no no, no. This can't be happening, oh my God. Oh my fucking God", i start roaming around the living room, my leg hitting the couch, making me trip and almost fall on the floor. I throw my phone away, the cracking sound doing no damage, the cracking of my brain cells becoming louder and louder after the fact that i didn't pay enough attention to the minutes of the voice mail. I take a deep breath, but my anxiety hits me hard and i sit on the floor, in the corner of the living room, biting my nails and fingers. I put my head in my hands, telling myself how stupid i am for doing such a foolish thing. If only i wasn't that distracted..

A ding is heard from my cracked phone and i see the screen turning on from where I'm sitting. No, this can't be happening. I spend a few more minutes trying to get calmer, scared of what he might have said. I spend these minutes creating different scenarios of what he might have told me, trying to choose one that would hurt less or i would prefer to happen. To be honest, i don't find anything that pleases me, so i get up and cringe at my phone as i unlock it, scared to read the message. I take a deep breath and read.

"oh wow... Uhm, hi y/n. This is definitely unexpected. Are u busy tomorrow?", Colby's text shows up in my notification bar. I scrunch my nose and face palm myself. I was so stupid

"you can ignore that.. U don't need to make it more awkward than it is already. Please", i text back and sit my sorry ass on the couch, tossing thd phone right next to me

"We need to talk. I can't just pretend u didn't send this to me"

I roll my eyes. "It sent my itself"

"Don't be childish. Tomorrow at 2pm? And I'll see u at the mall", i read his message and weigh if i havr anything else to lose. Of course i don't, my dignity went downhill already.

"Sounds good"

*******

I park my car and send Colby and text, announcing my presence. He calls me instead of replying.

"Hey, where are you? I can't see your car"

"Do you even know what I'm driving?", i laugh and get out of the car and lock it

"Well, did you change the car you used to have?", i remain silent at the question, feeling hurt. "Wrong choice of words, I'm sorry. I see you", he hangs up and i start walking towards him when i see him.

"Hey, Colby"

"Hey, y/n, it's so great to see you", he hugs me and i pat him on the shoulder a few times, feeling the awkwardness between us. We back away and check each other out. Even tho i still know how Colby looks like from their videos, it's amazing seeing him in person after such a long time. He checks me out, looking me up and down. I look down at my converse and brush a hand through my hair.

"Should we go inside?", i motion to the entrance of the mall. He nods and we walk inside, finding the Starbucks immediately and buying two drinks, sitting at a remote table. We talk about each other's hectic lives, him being who he is and me being the person that i am, never doing anything extraordinary but to be myself and play everything safe. We laugh, he gives me some insides about the whole ghost hunting experience, telling me how he wants to see me in action.

"What if that ghost likes me? Will it follow me and watch me shower?", i joke and take a sil of my coffee while he almost chokes on his drink.

"It better not like you to that extent", Colby says and he smirks, shaking his head. I take another sip of my drink and he follows my action. All of a sudden, the air thickens. "So, liking. Hmm, that reminds me-"

"Noooo, oh no. Colby..", i lean my head forward until i reach the table with my forehead. He laughs at me and taps my wrist to get up and look at him

"C'mon it's not that bad", he smiles at me and i shake my head, looking in another direction

"It's easy for you to say that, you didn't send anything by mistake. Especially a love confession", i look him in the eyes and i seethem sparkle. I'm out of breath for a second. I shake my head again

"But i wanted to", he says fast and i lean back on the leather armchair

"I bet, with so many beautiful girls around you it's hard to keep it for yourself", i smirk and take another sip, nervous. "Is any of them the reason you ghosted me for almost four years now?", i chuckle and he shrugs his shoulders and leans back the way i did.

"No, I'm sorry for that. It's just...", he looks away. He bites his lip amd starts twisting around his rings. "I was a coward"

"Why?", i ask confused

"Because i liked you a lot back then and I'm sorry for not telling you. I remember all the moments you talked about in that voice message. I was replaying them in my head while you were talking. It was in that moment when i realised how much I've missed your voice. So warm and calming. ", he clears his throat. "i was a coward for not owning up to my feelings. I talked to Sam about you every day or night, telling him how beautiful you looked and how i know you'll never look at me cause you were so gorgeous all the time. I never thought my looks would be enough to match yours. Every time i came back to the floor we've had classes on, i would see you at your locker with your friend and laugh all the time. You were so happy. I even asked myself how is it possible for you to have a smile on your face every damn day, weren't you getting upset about anything? ", Colby asks and the question wakes me up from the flashbacks i started receiving

"I've had my days, but when we had breaks, i had no reason to be so sad or angry about whatever. I didn't like wasting those 10 minutes for a bad grade or anything", i chuckle and shrug my shoulders. He chuckles too.

"I remember when you started avoiding me, i never knew why, so i started avoiding you too"

"I remember that, i was wondering why you were avoiding me", i say

"Why did you do that?", Colby asks, frowning

"I thought i had to give you space. I know i was talking way too much to you and i didn't know of you enjoyed it, so i cut it short for a while to show you I'm not crazy or anything. I thought i was bothering you"

"You never bothered me", he gives me half a smile and takes a sip of his drink. I look down on the table, feeling nauseous from the coffee, so i push it a little bit further from me. "After two weeks of avoiding each other, i remember seeing you enter the high school yard right when i was coming outside and i thought to myself that it can't be real, such a perfect timing to see you with no one around, just us meeting by mistake", he laughs. "I thought faith was actually real in that moment.", i laugh too. "Anyways, i saw you and i was surprised to see you come hug me, even tho it was me who extended his arms first for you. And when we finally hugged, i swear i didn't want to let go."

I gulp at his statement and feel my cheeks get red.

"I remember that feeling too. I was so mad at you, but i wasn't because you didn't talk to me, it was because i knew we will never be more than friends and hug buddies. I just wish i could change something between us. I remember feeling jealous because others had more access to you than i did, all because i chose not to spend so much time with you and Sam.",i draw circles on the condensed water from the cup. "oh my god, when it was your birthday and i told you happy birthday and there was a bunch of other kids around you, i didn't think you heard me, but you turned around and, oh wait, i was wearing make up for the first time in a few months, and you were just staring at me", we both laugh and tap the table with our palms. "You looked at me up amd down and called me beautiful before thanking me. I almost passed out", we laugh again

"It's so weird that we're talking about the crush we've had on each other so naturally.", Colby points out and i frown when i realise that's true. I swallow.

"It's easier to admit what was in the past", i draw circles again on the cup

"Is it just in the past?", Colby takes my hand in his, drawing circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. I watch his soft movement and then look up in his eyes. His blue irises look like a whole universe that i want to get lost in forever. I take my hand away from his and i grab my small backpack

"I think we should get going", i get up and he follows me, nodding. He walks me to my car, surprised that i actually changed my car since high school.

"I'm sorry i said that, back at Starbucks, but we need to address it.", he apologies and leans back on the trunk. I walk in front of him so we can hear each other better

"We have nothing to address, Colby. I fucked up anf and admitted my feelings towards you, but I'm stupid to have such feelings for a person who forgot about me and never came back in my life, until now, when it was also because of me.", i raise my voice unnecessarily and i look down to the ground, telling Colby without words that I'm sorry.

"I did that because i couldn't play cat and mouse with you. I never knew how you felt and i was stupid not to ask you about it. Trust me, i regret that very much. But in the same time, i wish you could tell me. Why didn't you?"

"Because my friend had a crush on you, that you developed feelings for after high school, dated her but no one knew cause you were keeping it a secret and you were also gone all the time because Sam and Colby were now touring America, meeting fans. I had no chance in receiving a positive answer from you "

Colby's mouth falls open and i shake my head, kicking a small stone next to my foot.

"Let's leave it here. I'm really glad we saw each other, but you've never had feelings for me, I'm just sorry we didn't stay friends. Maybe my feelings for you aren't going anywhere because i had no chance getting rid of them. I kept thinking about you every day almost for the past years, always trying to come up with answers about why you left me like that.", i take my car keys out, but Colby grabs my wrists and pulls me closer to him, his lips crashing on mine and hands now on my waist, pulling me even closer to him. I put my hands around his neck and bring him closer to my face if possible, our kisses wet and messy just like our heads. He bites my bottom lip and a loud exhale escapes my lips, his lips catching mine in another hungry kiss. We back away to take a few deep breaths and kiss again, his tongue brushing over mine, his hands pulling at my hair to gain soft moans, while my hands roam his abs, tightening my grip on his flesh every now and then, gaining soft whimpers from him. Colby's lips travel down my jaw line, sucking amd biting the skin, before going further down and finding all my sweet spots on my neck. I moan pretty loud when he places his mouth over the most sensitive spot and starts sucking immediately, making me weak in the knees.

"That should leave a mark", he smirks and pecks my lips one more time. I try to catch my breath.

"Why?"

"So people will know you're taken. I've loved you for such a long time and I've lost you because we were both stupid and i won't let that happen again. I missed you like crazy and i never had the guts to call you cause i had no right to do that. I left you for all the new things that were happening to me. I left you because i always thought we were friends and nothing more, it hurt a lot feeling you so indifferent about me, about us. So i left when the occasion looked better. ", he looks down and intertwines his fingers with mine." But i don't want to lose that again. ", he smiles and i smile back, pulling him into a hug.

"I missed you too, Colby."

"Thank you for sending that by mistake"

"I wish i did it on purpose tho"

[shoezuki]

Preamble that I feel bad for the guy tbh but how he's dealing w/ it is on him. End a the day he's a whole stranger and he's not like two, he can handle himself (presumably) and if he can't it ain't our business. Also necessary preamble that there are many Ranboo enjoyers who aren't cringe. A lot of them actually. To the point where I don't really like to bring stuff like this up in specific bc it Does magnify problems via exposure

However. Disclaimer that this is a complaint about the worst aspects of my time in a fandom and that this is not all of it aside

TWT RANBOO STANS *DESPISE* LISTENING TO "OUR" STREAMER LIKE NO ONE FUCKING ELSE. THEY FUCKIN' HATE IT. EVERY WORD THAT IS SAID ONSTREAM OR ON ANY OF HIS MEDIA ACCTS IS NOTHING TO THEM. Ranboo is literally not even a streamer to them the way they act. The man will beg, literally fucking BEG over and over to not mention him in people's chats, to not *yell at people in chat to not spam,* to please not use him as a profpic if they're getting into drama, and then concede ground to please not use him as a profpic if you're sending threats, please do not fucking send threats, please, he has said this so many times, and Yet my comrades' twt blocklists are full of Ranboo profpics that send death threats with 0 shame. 0 shame, what so fucking ever. Chat too! Chat the fuck too! Chat is way better than twt bc at least it's not violent but I swear to Christ they are literally deaf! Begging for answers to questions that are answered in his bios and over and over onstream already and in the FAQ that is RIGHT THERE if you scroll down a HALF FUCKING CENTIMETER! Spamming stupid shit, and then spamming "CHAT STOP" even as streamer exhaustedly says "chaaat putting 'chat stop' just makes more spam".

Literally not a single Ranboo stan has basic damn listening or reading comprehension. It shows in how people fail to comprehend basic fucking facts abt his RP character (everyone knew this was coming) and it shows in how no matter how much he fucking pleads people to stop sending fucking death threats with his face attached or says he's uncomfortable giving out certain information people will just trample on those boundaries as if they ain't fucking there. Being in the Ranboo stan twtbase is literally training to blatantly ignore boundaries and dehumanize streamers and it shows in every aspect of how they treat not just "our" streamer but every single person, character, and social media personality they goddamned come across as text to speech machines, dressup dolls, and punching bags

It honestly blows my fucking mind. Like. Ostensibly, you enjoy this streamer and his content, right? Which I would think means you watch his content? But apparently fucking not!

It is honestly fucking disgusting it is unbelievable. I don't like to dwell on it for aforementioned reasons and like, dwelling is also smth streamer has mentioned correctly as Not Good, but genuinely the situation in certain small vocal pockets of the Ranboo stanbase is horrific and I hope these people get so much help and also maybe better material than increasingly unreadable censorship for "die." Actual productive debate is really fun, guys, come have a redemption arc and argue about the effects New L'Manberg had on c!Ranboo with me, please, why can't we all be nice, god, why,

Anyway that's my piece. Thank you for hearing me out I believe this is the first time I've gotten the chance to try to flex the new lack of charalimit for asks and I must say I enjoy it

YEAAAAAA FUCK IT UUUPPPPP FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS JESUS FUCK YAAAAA

tbhtbh I USED to watch ranboo but i jus like. Cant anymore from donations n the unfortunate fact that So Many People whove gotten At me on twitter have ranboo pfps and how a lot of them treat him is genuinely Gross to me. Even jus w like. Seeing shit bout him and tubbo being 'roommates' rn like i HATE that shit. Ppl objectify him n ignore his boundaries n jus do such horrible shit w his name all over their accts n its despicable. I feel so harshly for the dude like that shit Sucks. But also he does tend to 'give in' to twitter shit sometimes like when he was saying not to trend stuff bout his meetup because he didnt want to 'overshadow' current events (altho ppl on twitter couldnt even listen to him for THAT)

Its jus a Shame cuz like. The dude Is genuinely cool. N he cares a lot. I feel his 'fans' of this calibre take advantage of his leniency/desire to please people and his Anxieties around messing up in any minor way n they jus. Walk on him in that regard. Cant even respect their own streamer

I think a bit ago i said somethin on it like. How sometimes i think these twitter ppl dont even LIKE ranboo or actually Watch Him. They jus want to feel some sort of moral superiority of stanning an 'unproblematic' cc and have some sense of control over a cc considering how he was made to apologize on his alt for those largrly harmless 'i dress like a lesbian' jokes he made. Like truly this weirdass gross community they made under his name is such a fucking shame n it sucks. No doubt its turned other ppl away from his streams Like Me

[lilixloveswriting]

Oasis

Summary: Late, wet from the rain, and with all her friends back home in Inaba, the reader's first day at Shujin Academy was far less than ideal. Prepared to eat her lunch alone, she'd soon realize she wouldn't after to after being approached by the school punk. Ryuji Sakamoto x F!Reader (she wears a skirt, but that's really the only gendery thing going on)

Word Count: 1386

TW: swearing, ryuji says fuck, sad reader, angst with a happy ending

A/N: I wrote this at 2 am as a distraction after crying over kpop yet again. This is incredibly self-indulgent, but hopefully someone else can read it for the same reason. Enjoy!

You dropped your bag and sat down beside it, opening up your lunchbox and unwrapping your sandwich, staring at it emptily before breaking down into tears. Today was your first day at Shujin and, well, things weren’t going great. You’d gotten lost on the way; couldn’t seem to find the damn gate for the connecting train. By the time you did, you knew you were definitely going to be late for class. People weren’t nearly as friendly in the city as they were in Inaba, and nobody seemed to want to stop and help you. The same could be said for the actual students at your school, except instead of completely ignoring you, they were quick to pass judgment, snickering as you walked into the classroom sopping wet from the sudden rain, which you had sworn wasn’t in the forecast.

Your homeroom teacher didn’t take nicely to you being late and gave you a stern scolding, muttering something about always being stuck with the delinquents before leaving for his lunch. So here you were: wet, cold, and hungry, sobbing over your quickly sogging sandwich as you sat alone in a patch of poorly grown grass promptly turning into a puddle of mud as your tears mixed with the rain. You thought about maybe calling your mom, but dismissed the idea realizing she’d only tell you to suck it up, and that the first day was always the worst. Encourage you to try and make some friends...yeah, right. Even if the other students did seem friendly, they all seemed like gossip junkies and would probably turn on you to spread a new exciting rumor given the chance. You’d rather be alone than befriend people like that.

Despite this, you weren’t fooling anyone as the thought only made you cry harder. The tears fell faster as you realized the days at Junes and the floodplain were over, they’d fade into distant memories as your friends back home carried on with their lives, soon forgetting all about you. You never understood the hype about the big city. Sure, there were more things to do, but what was the point if there was no one to share it with? It was the very definition of being alone in a crowded room.

“Oh, fuck.”

You stalled your crying with a gasp, snapping your head up and looking around. You listened intently for footsteps or a voice, but couldn’t distinguish anything between your sniffles and rain pattering on the foliage. “Hello?” You hiccuped, more embarrassing sobs leaving your throat as you grimaced at how pitiful you sounded. “Anyone...is anyone there?” You fumbled to your knees, setting your uneaten sandwich down in your bento before leaning out from behind the wall you’d picked to shelter yourself.

“Uh…” The voice came again, and just as you rounded the corner out stepped a sheepish looking boy, gritting his teeth as his hand rubbed at the back of his blond head. You recognized him from your class. His features were kind of hard to forget, plus, he’d been the only one who didn’t give you a dirty or snarky look when you burst through the door. “Yeah, sorry. I...didn’t know anybody was over here.” He slouched, sticking his hands in his pockets as he pursed his lips, avoiding eye contact with you. Not that you could blame him, you were a mess. “Umm, are...you okay?”

You snorted. Did you look okay? You didn’t have a good answer for his stupid question, so you ignored it, instead asking one of your own. “Am I in your way?”

“Ah...nahh.” He shook his head kicking at the ground. “It’s cool, I was just gonna do some...stuff.”

You scrunched up one side of your face, eyes drifting from his face to the grass outside of your hiding spot. If you were judging just based on his hair, his posture, and the way he’d phrased that last sentence, you wouldn’t be able to think it was anything but drugs. But that was probably how everyone at this school thought, and you were different from them.

“N-nothin shady or anythin!” He said, raising his voice and taking an assertive step forward.

Yeah, no, never mind. It was definitely drugs. “Okay, well, sorry. I’ll get out of your way.” You wiped your face with your sleeve, kneeling back down to pack up your bag.

“Uh, no! I mean, you can stay. Uh…” He toed the ground some more, a frown on face. “It didn’t look like you were done with your food, so.”

You shook your head and cleared your throat with a sniffle. “I’m not that hungry.”

He somehow managed to slouch more as he watched you zip up your bag. “So, you’re new, huh?” He asked and you faltered, glancing up at him and brushing the raindrops off of your forehead.

“How’d you tell?” You scoffed, your own joke only making you feel more embarrassed.

He shrugged and you laughed a bit, shaking your head. “Pack an umbrella in your bag,” He said. “It’s saved my ass about a million times.”

“Oh,” You blinked up at him and nodded. “Thanks for the tip.”

“Uh-huh.” He said, then bent over, bracing his palm on the ground and he lowered himself onto the wet grass. “So, why are you eatin in the rain? There are covered spots you can eat, ya know?”

“And let everyone witness my breakdown? No thanks.” You laughed beside yourself, hands resting on top of your backpack.

“Heh,” He smiled, “Well sorry, you probably won’t gain any popularity points talkin to me.” He said, placing both of his hands in the grass and leaning back, lifting his head to look at the sky.

“Why not?” You watched him a moment before following his gaze. “You seem nice enough.”

He shook his head. “I’m trouble, haven’t you heard?” He glanced at you. “Thought teach woulda toldja.”

“Hmph,” You snickered, “Well by his standards, I’m pretty sure I’m trouble too.” You told him and felt some of your anxiety melt away when succeeding to make him chuckle. “Um, I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself quietly, still feeling a little shy, but this was the only person who had bothered to even offer up a conversation all day, and you were kind of starving for human interaction.

“Ryuji.” He said, and lifted his hand when he saw you’d outstretched yours, but faltered when it came off if the ground caked with grass and dirt. Ryuji apologized, rubbing away the muck carelessly onto his pants. “Eh, it’s not so bad here. I mean, it’s shit cuz it’s school, but it ain’t awful once you make some friends.”

You gazed at him and sighed, eyes rolling down to the floor. “Yeah…I’ve kinda been struggling with that part.”

The bell rang and Ryuji heaved a sigh, rolling his weight onto his left hand and pushing himself back to his feet. “Welp, if you don’t mind a few rumors, me and my friends are always lookin for more people!” He beamed, offering you a hand, which you gratefully took.

You brushed off your butt, sure your skirt was probably stained, but you didn’t care so much at this point. You needed to get out of these wet clothes anyway, you could probably just change into your gym uniform.

“Here you go.” You looked back up to see Ryuji shoving something at you eagerly, taking it into your hands to realize it was an umbrella.

“Oh, no.” You quickly shook your head, holding it back out for him to take, but of course he refused. “Please, I can’t take this-”

“Then just use it ‘till you get your own.” He said zipping his bag back up and readjusting it on his shoulder. “You’ll get sick if you don’t use one, and then how will you make friends?”

You snorted, breaking into the first true smile you’ve made since moving to Tokyo. “Thank you, Ryuji.”

“Uh-huh!” He nodded with a grin, then turned away and began walking back to the building. “You better hurry up, if you show up late to class with me you’ll be blacklisted.”

You giggled, jogging to catch up to your new friend. To you, being blacklisted with Ryuji definitely didn’t sound like the worst case scenario.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

It's that time once again when Diabolical plays in my head on loop.

Can I please get fic where Hels gets back on hermitcraft server? Causing some shenanigans and general trouble?

This was so much fun to write, thank you!! It also ended up being WAY more angsty than I expected but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it anyway, my friend :) Slight CW: minor descriptions of injuries

...

  Welsknight had been avoiding his nether portal as much as possible since he saw his doppelganger disappear through it. Something about the formerly harmless particles and whooshing noise when he walked past it now just about gave him an anxiety attack every time he walked past it. Once, when Jevin popped out of it to say hello just hours after Helsknight had left, Wels had reacted so violently that Jevin was STILL wary around him all these months later. 

  Nobody used his portal anymore. He made sure of that. 

  One sunny day, he finally worked up the courage to go to the shopping district, something he hadn’t dared to do in weeks in case something happened. He went straight past his own portal and flew all the way to Etho’s; there was no way he was going to use the portal his evil clone went through to go back to the hell dimension from which he had come. 

  The shopping district had changed a lot in the weeks Wels had been avoiding it. He couldn’t help staring around at the myriad of new shops that had sprung up. It almost seemed like an entirely new place. 

  As Wels entered the barge, he found another Hermit already inside, browsing the chest full of golden carrots. 

  “Hi, Joe,” said Wels politely, unable to hide a smile at the sight of his old friend. 

  Joe turned and gave him a wave. “Howdy, Wels. Haven’t seen you around here for a few weeks.”

  “Yeah, it’s been… a while. Just been busy, that’s all.” Wels awkward;y indicated the chest. “You, uh… buying stuff?”

  “Nah, I’m not dealing with diamonds this season. I thought Grian might be open to some kind of trading system using stuff other than diamonds but he hasn’t responded to my message yet, so in the meantime, I’m-.” He broke off with a frown. “Okay, I think I might have forgotten to actually send the message.”

  Wels chuckled. “You’re busy too, huh? You only start forgetting stuff when you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

  Joe matched his chuckle. “I’ve got quite a few projects going at the moment, yes. You wanna come over to my base sometime and I’ll show you what I’m working on?”

  “That sounds nice, Joe, thanks.”

  At that moment, the sound of a firework going off nearby caused both of them to look up. A second later, a figure glided through the door and landed neatly on the ground, his elytra closing as he took a few steps further into the room. “Hey, Wels,” Etho said, giving a friendly wave. “Man, you really got here fast.”

  Wels frowned at his friend. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I just saw you over by Shade-E-E’s a minute ago. You said hello to me and everything.”

  “That…” Wels’s heart skipped a beat. “That wasn’t me.”

  Etho frowned back. “Well, then… Someone must’ve stolen a spare set of armour or something, cuz it looked exactly like you.”

  “Oh…” Blinking very fast, Wels let out a nervous breath. “Oh, boy… Please don’t tell me he’s back…”

  Etho and Joe exchanged a confused look. “Who?” asked Joe.

  Wels considered either making something up or dismissing his comment, but looking at the concerned faces of two of his best friends on the server, he decided to tell the truth. “The evil clone of myself that Beef and I accidentally created who ran off into the nether after I beat him in a rap battle when he tried to destroy the server.”

  Etho stared at him with wide eyes. 

  “I thought it might be something like that,” said Joe, nodding.

  “How can you possibly have been expecting that?” Wels said in disbelief.

  Joe shrugged. “I’ve heard weirder.”

  “Well… anyway. His name is Helsknight and he’s from a nether-like dimension called Hels, apparently. I thought I’d driven him back to where he came from but I should’ve known he wouldn’t stay away for long.”

  “To be frank, beating him in a rap battle isn’t quite as definitive as beating him in PVP,” said Joe. 

  Wels scowled. “The last time I tried PVP, you dropped an anvil on my head from a great height.”

  “Oh yeah.” Joe snickered. “I did.”

  “Leaving that aside,” said Etho, “it seems there’s an evil clone of you loose on the server, so we should probably deal with that. Helsknight, you said his name is?”

  Wels nodded. “He looks exactly like me except his eyes are red, his armour is slightly greyer than mine, and his hair is a darker shade of blond.”

  “Ohh, I noticed the darker armour,” said Etho. “I just thought it was the shade from my shop. I guess we’d better go find him, huh?”

  “Yeah, I need to find him before he causes any more chaos. You guys should probably warn the other Hermits so they-.”

  “No, we’re coming with you to find him,” Etho interrupted. 

  “It’ll be quicker if the three of us look together,” Joe added. “Plus, I’ve never met an evil clone before, so it would be rather thrilling to do so.”

  Wels frowned at his friends. “Are you sure? He’s really dangerous. I don’t know exactly what he’s capable of, but he’s from a hellfire dimension, so...”

  “As sure as the day is long,” replied Joe, patting his friend on the shoulder. “You need our help and we aren’t gonna abandon you.”

  As Etho nodded, Wels gave a small smile. “Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it.”

  “No worries. So where should we look first?” asked Etho.

  “Well…” Wels thought for a moment. “He’s probably trying to cause some shenanigans on the server. If we check certain prominent places on the server, we’ll probably find him trying to lure me out somehow.”

  “I’ll check the rest of the shopping district, then,” said Joe. “He might still be here.”

  “I’ll have a look round the nether hub and the Upside Down,” Etho added. “You said he’s from a nether-like dimension so he might gravitate there. What about you, Wels?”

  “I’m going to Bdubs’s castle,” said Wels. “It’s the most medieval build on the server, so if he isn’t there now, he’ll end up there eventually.”

  “Okay, but be careful, Wels,” Etho said softly. “Don’t do anything reckless.”

  “I won’t.”

  With that, the group split up. 

  Wels flew straight over to Bdubs’s base. As he got closer, he couldn’t help marvelling at the sheer size and grandeur of the cliff and the castle sitting atop it. It was one of the grandest bases on the servers, so Wels felt sure he would find his clone here.

  He landed atop the cliff and started looking around. As he explored further, he spotted the person he was looking for standing at the entrance to Bdubs’s castle. 

  “If you’re looking for your little friend Bdoubleo, he’s in the nether,” crowed Helsknight. “I watched him go through his portal.”

  Wels glared up at his doppelganger. “You know I’m not looking for Bdubs.”

  “Are you here to rap battle with me again, then?” Helsknight grinned. “I warn you: I’ve been practising.”

  Shaking his head, Wels drew his sword. “No, Hels. I’m going to do what I should have done in the first place.” 

  Helsknight sighed and drew his own sword. “So boring. Come on, then.”

  His doppelganger’s relaxed, indifferent manner sent a bolt of anger straight into Wels. Letting out a yell, he charged to attack.

  Their battle lasted at least ten minutes, though to Wels, it felt like hours. He poured all his energy into his swings, attacking his evil clone with all the rage and fear that had threatened to consume him since Helsknight had disappeared into the nether all those months ago. He was done letting his negative emotions control his life. 

  Finally, Wels managed to knock Helsknight’s sword out of his hand and kick him to the ground, aiming his own sword at his evil clone’s neck. 

  Helsknight simply grinned evilly up at him. “You gonna kill me, Welsy? I wouldn’t do it if I were you; we Hels Hermits only get stronger when we die. If you kill me, I’ll come back with a vengeance. We have a special lava fountain in Hels that can-.”

  “Oh, shut up,” snapped Wels suddenly. “I’m not going to kill you, but not because of any stupid threats you make. I don’t care what you have in Hels. I’m not going to kill you, because I’m merciful. But if you ever come back here again, I won’t be so forgiving. Do you understand?”

  Helsknight simply stared back at him. “You’ve got some great friends here, Welsy. Better hold onto them in case something… happens.”

  Wels narrowed his eyes. “You stay away from them. I swear to god, if you-.”

  He hadn’t realised that he had lowered his hand slightly until Helsknight moved, fast as lightning, and kicked the sword out of his hand. Before he could react, Helsknight jumped up and grabbed him by the throat. He took two steps forward and threw Wels over the edge of the cliff. 

  The fall seemed to take only a split second, but the cliff was tall enough that Wels’s left leg broke immediately upon impacting the ground. He lay still in shock, too numb to cry, despite the searing pain in his leg, which was folded painfully underneath his body. 

  Helsknight appeared above him and effortlessly picked him up off the ground, again by the throat. He grinned, his face less than a foot from Wels’s.

  “You know what else we have in Hels?” Helsknight taunted. “Fire. Lots of fire.”

  He lifted his free hand, which was now engulfed in burning hot flames. Wels weakly struggled in his grip, trying to lean as far away from his counterpart as possible, as Helsknight slowly moved the fire closer to his face, taunting him with the fact that he couldn’t escape it. 

  The flames started to burn his face. He held his breath, trying not to let his pain show, trying not to give Helsknight the satisfaction. 

  But finally, he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He let out a cry at the burning agony across the side of his face.

  Helsknight barked a laugh and retracted his hand, as if all he’d been after was a reaction from Wels. “Maybe you should stick with the rap battles next time.”

  With that, he dropped Wels on the ground and walked away.

  Wels lay where he fell, unable to move through the burning pain in his face and leg. His chest moved quickly up and down as he struggled for oxygen, still winded from the battle. 

  “Wels!” yelled a familiar voice from somewhere behind him. 

  Seconds later, Joe appeared on his right and Etho on his left, their worried faces peering down at him. 

  “Is he okay?” Joe gasped.

  “H-His face…!” Etho gently touched Wels’s burnt cheek. Wels could feel his friend’s cool fingers trembling. “Wels, can you hear me?”

  Wels couldn’t speak, couldn’t reassure his friends that he would be okay. His leg would heal. His face, he wasn’t sure yet. The only thing he knew wouldn’t heal was the crushing feeling of failure, of knowing that because of said failure, an evil clone of himself was still running around the server, potentially hurting people he cared about. The pain in his leg and face served as an agonising reminder that he wasn’t strong enough to stop his doppelganger. 

  How was he supposed to protect other people when he couldn’t even protect himself?

[galaxina-the-pyro]

How would you improve the episode AYA?

...wait...you’re asking me?

I...I didn’t expect this...

The thing is is that I don’t think I could possibly come up with ideas for this better than, say, @authenticcadence18 or @springsfordays because their ideas are just too good (seriously, check them out, they have the literal best ideas for a rewrite of AYA, holy crap).

But if I were to rewrite it...hm...let’s make a checklist for stuff about AYA that just miffed me:

1. Plot B is fine. Plot B was probably the best part of AYA - Doof’s dilemma made sense for his character (and is hilarious), tied in with the name of the episode, and involved fun little shenanigans. My only gripe is that they didn’t go MONDO insane with it at the end, and said ending felt really abrupt.

(I also wish that, somehow, even Doof was involved with that “everyone knew” bit, but we’re gonna be scrapping that joke for this story - that joke is FUNNY, but it’s also degrading to Phineas, and is sorta a nice way of saying “yeah, you’re stupid for not noticing her feelings even though she’s not entitled to them - you’re the problem. It’s not like the episode is trying to hint at you two having switched roles, no, you’re the only one who was being oblivious and stupid.”)

2. We cut out Plot C entirely. Everyone trying to get Phineas and Isabella together was just...ugh. Why? And they had the audacity to compare what they were doing to all the AMAZING things they did when they were younger, like, guys - you set up some tables, decorations, and cooked them what I can assume to be a run-of-the-mill restaurant dinner - that has NOTHING on a rollercoaster through downtown. And their applause at that sweet but ultimately lackluster confession? Hurt. So much. Now that I think about it, it felt condescending, it unintentionally emphasized HOW uninspired this confession (as much as I love it) was, and it felt like they were taking credit for something they didn’t do.

And if we’re NOT gonna cut out Plot C...have Plot C be about FERB? Leaving for COLLEGE? Out of COUNTRY? Cuz I have a hard time believing that Phineas and Ferb are just OKAY with separating at such a long distance - heck, in “Candace Gets Busted”, FERB is the one who assumes that one day he and his brother are gonna own their own place together. It should at least be BROUGHT UP, don’t you think? (I’m conflicted on whether or not I’d keep Montessa in the ring or at least SHOW US how Ferbnessa happened, because I think what’s weirding people out is that they’re assuming that Vanessa literally waited for Ferb to turn 18 to start dating him - when I think it’s more likely that they kinda JUST started dating during the beginning of Summer? But I think stuff like that really SHOULD be explained because even though I don’t think it’s that weird, I understand why OTHER PEOPLE wouldn’t like the idea)

3. I kinda feel like this should have had more songs? I dunno why, I feel like this all could have been improved if we got a fullblown musical out of this (and...this may be me wanting a “What Might Have Been” reprise, lol) - like, make fun of HSM or something, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t have.

4. I kinda wanted to see more of the “where are they now”. Like, Jeremy, Stacey, Little Suzie Johnson, even that one couple with the lady who’s always like “what did you think, an anniversary dinner was just going to fall from the sky?” - I like stuff like that, it’s so much fun to think about. Also...I legit have so much anxiety over Perry never interacting with him owners ONCE in that episode, and even more anxiety over Pinky never making an appearance at all. Heck, if there was a good time to show us what the HECK happened to Django, now would be a great time.

5. I would have given the episode a unique intro, ala “Night of the Living Pharmacists” and “Last Day of Summer” - like, AYA is as much of a status quo shifter as those two episodes, why was it given the “Phineas and Ferb Get Busted” treatment?

6. Here’s a brilliant thought - NO ONE tells Phineas about Isabella’s crush? How about instead Phineas goes and wants to check in on her, because he really misses her and doesn’t understand why they don’t talk anymore (and he’s tried before, and they’ve nearly had conversations, but Isabella’s just too busy) - did he do something wrong? Is Isabella just too busy now? He needs to know. That should have been his priority, none of this “FrIeNd ZoNe” nonsense.

7. I would have made this into a near movie-length special. With all the topics that this episode brought up, particularly the whole “manipulating the situation” thing, I feel like a longer episode would have given them more time to talk about how stuff like that is...not okay.

[READ THE ACTUAL REWRITE OF THE EPISODE (well, my take at least) UNDER THE CUT!]

Okay, with those out of the way, how I would have written Phinabella the Movie...I mean...Act Your Age (I warn you, it’s not gonna be as good as @authenticcadence18′s or @springsfordays‘s ideas, so if you want quality stuff and not just mushy fanfiction fodder I’d check their stuff out):

I would have sorta made this entire thing take place during the “What Might Have Been” song - what that means is that it’s a collage of memories. How Isabella and Phineas met, how Isabella first got her “crush” (if you can really call it that, girl was full out in love lol), them building stuff with the gang during their canon ages, them going into highschool, Isabella ultimately choosing to give up her crush to maintain her friendship with Phineas (because her choosing to not be as close to Phineas because of a crush isn’t an option), Isabella’s first boyfriend (which probably’s gonna hurt a lot of fans, cuz I envision that to NOT be Phineas; but it’s Phinabella endgame, so relax); the episode just centers on the gang (mainly Isabella since it’s from her perspective) growing up.

Like, yes, all of the memories are gonna be Phinabella centered, but we gotta have SOME side-stories and junk, like maybe how Baljeet gets together with Ginger (and...how they break up...please don’t kill me), what ultimately leads Ferb to want to go back to England for studies (maybe it’s him wanting to be his own person and not wanting people to think he and his brother are just “a pair”), Buford...uh...something with Buford definitely, because I love him and he deserves it. Heck, maybe even the Fireside Girls can have their own arc with a graduation ceremony for their ranks (...what? I’m not linking stuff to the best fanfic ever, noooooo...why would-why would I do that?).

And maybe in this case Plot B SHOULD be different - maybe it should focus on how Doofenshmirtz first got to America, how he first met Charlene, what exactly led him to being evil in the first place, all that good stuff. Though, ultimately, that might be a little angsty - maybe there’s a reason why we don’t see exactly HOW Doof and Charlene divorced, because that could very well be the saddest scene ever, and it’s hard to put that kinda comedic spin on something so tragic (I mean, obviously there are comedies CENTERED on divorce, but like...they always SKIP the divorce part from what I’ve seen). Not to mention that this is a kid’s show, so...I doubt they’d actually show HOW it happened. This is just my thoughts. X’D

Back to the Phinabella.

Phineas and Isabella would have their confession during THIS part of the special rather than the very end (so, like...they’re still in highschool, and Isabella’s already broken up with that other dude in the story, and maybe Phineas had a girlfriend he just wasn’t happy with) - Phineas tries to do something big for Isabella, but it ultimately falls through because of Perry’s current nemesis (we never see who that is, lol), so he settles for something simple (at first he’s scared about it not “being enough” for someone like Isabella, but Ferb’s able to slap that nonsense out of him pretty quickly). He and Isabella spend the ENTIRE DAY together alone, leading to Phineas eventually singing a song he wrote for her to her, and the two have a cute little duet as a result (that has the opposite energy of “What Might Have Been”, so it’s important that somewhere in this episode that “What Might Have Been” is still a thing, it just doesn’t involve Phineas being aware of Isabella’s feelings, and it doesn’t involve Isabella trying to leave somewhere without saying goodbye, this would be more about Isabella, after trying to get over her crush, realizing that she still LIKES Phineas that way). They almost kiss, but they’re ultimately interrupted by Buford being Buford or something, but it implies that Phineas and Isabella are now a couple onwards from here.

Eventually it leads to a small party in the middle of Summer with the gang, with them playing some games and talking about how by the end of Summer, they won’t be seeing each other as much anymore because of college and stuff. They all remanence about the simple times - with Isabella eventually leaving (saying it’s because she needs to check on something, but really it’s because she’s sad that things are ending so quickly and she’s gonna miss everyone especially Phineas), and Phineas going after her to see if she’s alright (he’s oblivious, but he’s always been able to tell if she’s sad for the most part, save for maybe a few instances - but he’s older now, so he’s probably better at telling).

The two go for a stroll outside, and discuss the changes and stuff, how he and Isabella are ultimately going to have to work on a long-distance relationship and how Phineas is going to miss Ferb when he leaves the country, and how he’s gonna miss Isabella. And then they both realize that everything is gonna be okay, because they’ve literally dealt with worse situations and came out stronger for it - Isabella nor Phineas have any doubts in their minds that their relationship with each other or anyone else is going to sever just because of long distance.

Time moves onward, and there are a lot of changes (mainly talking about couples and other stuff - if it were me, there’d be endgame Buford/Gretchen and Ferb/Ginger of all people, and of course Candace and Jeremy would be married by this time). Phineas and Isabella are about to go into their last year of college, and decide to spend one more day together before they, once again, go their separate ways. The gang surprises Isabella by having made an ACTUALLY GOOD AND CREATIVE BACKYARD DINNER for the two per Phineas’ planning (the idea wasn’t bad, the execution was just lame imo), and long story short, Phineas proposes to Isabella. She obviously accepts, and everyone cheers for them as Isabella inner monologues about how change can be scary but it’s okay some mushy stuff about loved ones being there for you when you need them or something.

And finally, we cut to many years later, with Isabella as an adult now, looking out at the backyard of her current home, drinking some tea - this whole movie/special has taken place in this Isabella’s memories (if that makes sense), as she thinks on how she got there. The story ends with a child (we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl) calling to her and calling her “mom”, and Isabella leaving to check on her kid.

And...that’s how I would have written “Act Your Age”. Again, I recommend this and this over my idea (because again, their takes on this episode are perfect, I don’t think anyone can top them), but if you like it then great. This was still fun to write out and stuff, and I hope you enjoyed it regardless. ^^;

[lastoneout]

Hey neurodivergent tumblr, I need advice!

I've known for years that I likely have type 2 bipolar disorder(I was prescribed several SSRIs that really messed me up before being given a mood stabilizer that helped), but most of my psychologists have sort of dismissed that? Which I figured was fine, I had a medication that helped with the depression and hypomania(which was never that bad in the first place) and figured that was enough, and eventually I also got an ADHD diagnosis that further helped me function more or less just fine.

Thing is my new doctor says that he doesn't think I have ADHD at all. He thinks my bipolar isn't managed well enough, and that instead of helping anything my Adderall is actually just making everything worse, and I should stop taking that and start taking abilify in addition to my current mood stabilizer(lamictal).

That...seems strange to me. Cuz yeah despite taking Adderall all of my ADHD symptoms aren't cured, which I figured was just because treating ADHD is a mix of medication and coping strategies, meds aren't a cure-all ofc. But overall I notice that I focus better and it's much easier to stop and start and finish things when I'm taking the Adderall as opposed to the times I've had to go off it, so I assume that means it's working(I always say it feels like someone scooped all the noise out of my brain). I do occasionally get a bit jittery and I do have trouble sleeping, but I always chalked that up to my anxiety(my dreams are always vivid and about my fears, and I have a fear of dying in my sleep that makes getting to sleep a bit hard some nights for obvious reasons), but it's never been bad enough that it's disrupted my life more than being a bit tired sometimes and not being able to drink as much coffee as I used to.

So I guess my question is, is there anyone who has comorbid ADHD and bipolar who can tell me about how the two interact so I can try to figure out if my new doctor is right? I am fine with potentially trying new treatments for my bipolar, but I'm worried about going off my Adderall and potentially losing a month or more of executive function just on a hunch. I'm also still pretty sure I have ADHD, I tick a lot of the boxes, my last 3 doctors all agreed I have it, and I don't think all of my symptoms can be explained as just "poorly managed bipolar", can they?

(Also I must say I'm pretty hesitant to believe this doctor cuz he seemed pretty dismissive of ADHD as a whole and hinted he believes it's over diagnosed, in his words "doctors just slap an ADHD diagnosis on you and don't think to check if it's something else" which is...not what happened to me. I had to ask to get tested for ADHD and I checked almost all the boxes on the sheet my doctor at the time gave me so?? He also kinda boiled it all down to just "not being able to focus or finish stuff" which I have way more symptoms than that. He also said I should try stopping the Adderall and just see if things get better when I'm on my current mood stabilizer alone and like, I've done that. I got diagnosed with bipolar a year or two before I got diagnosed with ADHD and I tried to get tested for ADHD because the Lamictal wasn't enough on it's own, and it still isn't.)

Anyway this is rambly, sorry I'm just confused. Getting diagnosed with ADHD was life changing for me, it finally made me see that I wasn't just stupid or broken, and that there were people like me out there who understood and a path to being a self sufficient, healthier person. Having someone tell me it's all just some other condition is really stressing me out and kinda scaring me and weirdly is making me feel like I'm broken, cuz like I was kinda proud of having ADHD. I tried to see the beauty in being able to think differently than NT people, I like being able to hyperocus and have special interests, and it was nice to have an explanation for how I've struggled to fit in all my life, and so yeah having all of that yanked away and replaced with "You're actually just broken" is unpleasant to say the least. (Not that there's anything wrong with having bipolar ofc, it's just different.)

So far my plan is to just ask if there's a nonstimulant ADHD med I can try in addition to the new bipolar medication, but I've heard those have a really low chance of actually helping. I have a month until I see the doctor again tho so at least I've got time to think about it all.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[stjernfaerie]

I finally watched all of MCU

in release order because IT MAKES SENSE!!!!

special thanks to @littlegingrnut who watched ALL OF THEM with me. She’s the best. 

Idk if anyone cares at all, but I feel like sharing, so here’s some thoughts and reactions, enjoy: 

Phase 1: 

Iron man

okay but like how was Tony such a jerk in the beginning only to become like the most lovable character ever??

YINSEN DID NOT NEED TO DIE :((

did not like the antagonist what was that

I mean he’s not bad I just didn’t like him that much

I wanna get myself a jarvis tho 

all in all, really enjoyed it

got me really excited to watch more

The Incredible Hulk

didn't watch cuz aly said not necessary

we just skimmed over the important parts 

oh and watched the end credits scene

Iron man 2

this was really great

okay but like I love Ivan Vanko hes such a great antagonist

I LOVE TONY

HE’S SO GREAT

THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND EVERYTHING GOSH AAH

oh damn ~Natasha Romanoff~

ma’am-

Pepper as a powerful business lady? YES  

just... really great shit right here

Thor

Mmmmmm I don't see the hype about Loki??

his two faced-ness is annoying me

also Thor? I didn't love him at first,, he's a bit cliché

STELLAN SKARSGÅRD YES SWEDISH REP

okay but Thor is a good boi actually,,, I take it back he’s pretty great

Oh nooo Loki - yeah lol as if he actually died 

YO WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT END CREDITS SCENE that got me all like WTF and shit

also told ya Loki didn’t die

Captain America: The First Avenger

okay full disclosure, I actually watched this one time before bc I started watching them in chronological order but never got any further than this

it made so much more sense this time

I liked it so much better this time 

because THE RELEASE ORDER MAKES SO MUCH SENSE 

anyway

this was good !!

I'm gay for Peggy omg

and Steve is such a good boi

DID BUCKY REALLY HAVE TO DIE

all in all not my favourite tho, not too memorable tbh

"I had a date" 😭

The Avengers

ohhh man

ALL OF THEM TOGETHER? UGH YES

Oh hello Dr. Banner nice to see u

Loki bro pls chill

OKAY HULK HELLO

NATASHANATASHANATASHA AAAHH I'M GAY

still don't get the Loki hype tbh. maybe a lil bit but idk

THOR OKAY I LOVE THOR NOW

TONY WHAT THE FUCK NO NO NO TONY DON'T

oh okay he's good

I love them all so much oh gosh

I MADE IT THROUGH PHASE ONE WOHOOOO

***

Phase 2

Iron man 3

this movie changed me

aly can confirm - I was very much not okay after seeing this

literally had anxiety through all of it

I mean I LOVED it

but like

the ptsd :(((

although I do love that they showed that, just made me love Tony even more

just... showing the ugly parts - love that shit

but also like noooo tony bby :(((( 

HARLEY!!!! IS SO GREAT !!! AND ALY SAID HE COMES BACK AT ONE POINT!! YAY

just.... Tony Stark man.

great antagonist, love the whole mandarin thing

EXTREMIS? NO THANK U that honestly gives me like zombie ish vibes or smth I don’t like it

but like it was great 

OH PEPPER JUST BECAME 10x HOTTER DAMN SHE JUST GETS MORE AND MORE ATTRACTIVE EACH MOVIE HUH

PEPPER ALMOST DYING? NOPE

THE PAIN IN TONY'S FACE? NOPE

all in all loved this so much and I am still not really okay

Thor: The Dark World

I see why people think this is the worst Thor movie.

DON’T GET ME WRONG IT WAS GREAT

but like,,, meh? the big end fight was so anti-climactic? not epic at all like what the fuck

I LOVE DARCY

but she's clearly gay so stop makin her fool around with the intern

but like Thor is such a soft boi and I love him

again, Loki's two-faced-ness – aRH

but,,,, I get the Loki hype now

I'm aboard the train

I love Loki 

oh oh oh the part in his prison cell when Thor comes to talk to him and is all like "enough tricks" and then his cell is all torn up and he's all torn up and AH BABY 😭

Thor just needs cuddles 

Aaaaand this is where I accidentally got the worst possible spoiler. :)))

I wanted to watch some wholesome Tony Stark content before bed and so I searched youtube for "Iron Man" and clicked on a video I thought looked nice and wholesome. I accidentally read the top comment and then proceeded to break down and freak out to Aly and Hanna on Aly’s live, and they comforted me and stuff <3 

Aly then told me that “hey remember that I told you that the little boy in Iron Man 3 comes back at one point? Yeah that’s at the funeral” 

STUPIDLY, I then watched the death scene on YouTube, went to bed crying, and of course, dreaming about it. I will never be okay again and I will never be ready for Endgame thank you and goodbye.

anywAY,,,,,

Captain America: Winter Soldier

*SO MUCH SCREAMING*

I thought that Bucky didn’t deserve to die - and he didn’t - but like,,, DYING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THIS 

the ~bromance~

nat and steve I mean, so good

I AM NOT OKAY I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS MOVIE BUT IT WAS AMAZING

Natasha tho mmmmmhhf

I was rly confused while watching but like everything came together at the end and it was so nice and damn this is one of my favorites so far

Sam is great I want more of Sam

Guardians of the Galaxy

multiple people had told me that they thought I’d really like this movie

honestly? I didn’t

it was kinda meh?

like I found it very predictable and cliché and not in a delightful way

idk if it’s just that I know that Chris Pratt is a dick but I don’t like Peter

I rly like Gamora and Nebula, but like I’m a lesbian, so I don’t think anyone’s surprised that I like the traumatized warrior gals

but like in general I’m kinda disappointed

I only gasped like twice, and it was barely gasp-worthy moments

Avengers: Age of Ultron

All of them together just makes me so happy, they’re so cute with each other AH

loved Ultron as the antagonist. that was great.

but,,,, I was a bit disappointed that we didn’t really get to see any regret from Tony bc he created Ultron

THE TWINS ARE FANTASTIC

whatever’s going on with Bruce and Nat, I don’t like it

TOO MANY moments that reminded me of the spoiler that I refuse to speak. Did not enjoy

everyone just needs to be hugged why doesn’t anybody HUG THEM????

not happy about Jarvis dying :((( even tho he technically didn’t die but like HE’S NOT JARVIS ANYMORE IS HE

and then Tony just replaces him with this Friday just like that??? no i’m not okay with that

in a ranking scenario this one falls in like the top of the middle range? Like it’s not one of the favorites, but it’s still up there. 

I FUCKING DID IT AGAIN ARGH

I was just reading about new MCU projects that are coming up and THERE WAS A SPOILER WARNING, but STUPID AS I AM I DISREGARDED that and kept on reading. I was just skimming through the text and I read “Loki who dies” and stopped right there, because AAHH FUCKING SHIT

I was on a call with Aly as this happened and so I told her that I had given myself a spoiler again and that it was about Loki, and she was all like I can’t remember anything that happens to Loki hmm, and so I thought YAY it’s okay, they just meant one of the times when he fake died!!! so I went on to keep reading, but before I could read anything else Aly stopped me, remembering. She told me it would be gut-wrenching and terrible and I’m just- 

So disappointed in myself. 

Ant-Man

it was an enjoyable movie, but like,,, a little meh? 

I feel kinda the same as I did with GOTG

but I like each of them better than the other for different reasons? idk???

the plot wasn’t very thick, like I could have gone away to pee without pausing and probably not miss too much

I didn’t really get invested in the story or the characters

but it was enjoyable for sure

Sam!!! Hello!!!! 

Again, like with GOTG, I found it kinda cliché, but in a more delightful way this time

WE MADE IT THROUGH PHASE 2 AND PASSED THE HALF-WAY POINT WOHOOOOO

***

Phase 3

Captain America: Civil War

I constantly needed to be hugged while watching this

in the end I was fine, like I’ve been way less okay after some of the other movies, but during? needed hugs and cuddles

I love that they were fighting each other it was just... umff you know

but also like,,, LOVE EACH OTHER 

Wanda and Vision? no thanks I HATE IT

Steve and Sharon?? NO THANKS I HATE IT

literally that’s just weird on SO many levels

and that kiss was-- ugh I hated it. 

SPIDER BOY !!!!! UGH I LOVE HIM ALREADY

Black Panther heLLOOO

ALL THE STUCKY THOOO

Tony and Steve fighting in the end got me :( 

Doctor Strange

This one falls at the bottom of my list

It was the shortest movie but it felt SO LONG because I was so bored through all of it

it just never got me hooked, I didn’t get invested in the story at all. 

there weren’t even any characters that I liked enough to want to see more

sure another infinity stone and getting to know doctor strange and shit, I get why you kinda need to watch it

but I doubt I’ll watch it again

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

just like with the first one, kinda meh

I didn’t really get into it until the last half hour or so

the music really carried this movie tho

and baby groot !!!

I love Nebula so much, such a great character

Yondu dying was really great, it did a lot for his character

I still don’t really like Peter Quill

I feel like it was barely contributing to the infinity saga, the only thing that’s somewhat connected is that Nebula wants to kill Thanos, and the only reason I know that’s connected is because of spoilers

because I’m not really supposed to know the significance of Thanos at this point

but then again, maybe I’ll feel differently when I’ve finished all the movies

Spiderman: Homecoming

SPIDEY BOY !!!!!!!!! 

THIS IS A FAVORITE

I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS MOVIE

THE TONY/PETER INTERACTIONS WERE SO GREAT

PETER IS A BABY AND HE’S SO GREAT AND AAAAAHH

HE’S ON MY LIST BTW

AND LIKE,,, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS FIGHTING SOUNDS COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE’S???? Like steve and thor and shit are all like huOH heeeUH oAH ya know?? and then peter’s over here like eeh heh mmmMHF 

HE’S JUST REALLY GREAT AND AAH I LOVED THIS MOVIE SO MUCH

LITERALLY SMILED THROUGH ALMOST ALL OF IT

except when things were going bad and during the fight scenes and shit and when he was in big danger and stuffs

BUT LIKE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

SO GOOD

OH OH OH AND STEVE’S LITTLE EDUCATIONAL VIDEOS WERE SO CUTE AH

hehehheheh and the end credits tho heheheheh

ANYWAY I LOVED THIS MOVIE SO SO SO SOO MUCH

Thor: Ragnarok

ANOTHER FAVORITE AAAAH

ALL THE BROTHERLY MOMENTS THO

Kinda mad that we didn’t get a hug there in the end but oh well

Thor is so sassy and goofy in this one I love it

ugghhhhh I love Loki so much

Hela has so much Maleficent vibes

Heimdall yESSS !!!

all the Thor/Hulk interactions were so PRECIOUS AAH

this was just such a great movie with great character development for both Thor and Loki and ughhhh IT WAS SO GOOD

“get help” was fucking ICONIC

VALKYRIE THO

oof not excited for infinity war :(( 

Black Panther

this one falls somewhere in the middle for me

like it was good, but it’s not up there

my main issue with it is that it didn’t really feel so much like a superhero movie, it was more just like... family drama

but Shuri tho, love her

and all the awesome ladies fighting!!! yes!!!!

BUCKY!!! 

Avengers: Infinity War

I am not okay

I will never be okay again

I thought Loki dying was gonna be the worst part - and honestly, knowing about it beforehand made it less painful actually

but NO NO NO 

THE LAST 15 MINUTES IS JUST A CRYFEST HUH 

REAL NICE THANK YOU

oh gosh I can’t even think 

I told y’all I didn’t like Peter Quill and well, HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT 

oh gosh nope 

I’ve been feeling guilty that all of y’all had to wait a full year for endgame but AT LEAST THEN YOU HAD TIME TO BE OKAY AGAIN BEFORE ENDGAME

fucking shit what have I gotten myself into

Ant-Man and the Wasp

I liked this one better than the first ant-man

It’s still not up there but it was good

idk it could just be bc I know the characters more this time or because I kind of had pretty low expectations but I liked this more

oh also maybe I was just happy that I didn’t have to see like all my favorite characters die like I did yesterday :((( 

still not okay

anyway, ant-man and the wasp

I really liked Ava, really great character honestly

I liked Hope a whole lot more this time around

still don’t really like her and Scott together, especially after her mother like talked through him and shit. I feel like if I was Hope and my mother talked to me through my love interest, I would feel pretty weird about it all

but maybe that’s just me idk

oh but what I do like about scott and hope is all of hank’s comments about them

he’s funny hehehe

also Luis! great dude

okay but Bill FOSTER???? as in JANE FOSTER?? SEEMINGLY HAVING NO CONNECTION AT ALL??? 

there’s too many double names in this whole ass franchise and I’m upset

two Peters, two Eriks, two Fosters.... like I know that’s what real life is like, people have the same names, but THIS IS FICTION

YOU CAN AVOID THE CONFUSION

that wasn’t totally related to this movie specifically but this was the third strike dudes, I couldn’t just ignore it anymore.

oh oh oh and I did not appreciate the mid credits scene, I DON’T NEED REMINDERS OF THAT PAIN THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Captain Marvel

this one falls somewhere in the middle for me

like it was good, and I enjoyed it a lot, but it just wasn’t really anything that left me all like woooaaaah omg AH you know???

I really liked how it connected back to previous movies like with Ronan and the Kree people from GOTG and the tesseract and all that jazz

where can I get myself a flerken tho I want one

I appreciate that no one turned into dust, that was nice

my main problem with this movie is that HER POWERS MAKE NO SENSE 

like in the beginning it was kinda okay. I didn’t understand her powers, but at least they felt reasonable

then we got to the end and all of a sudden she’s flying and glowing and strong enough to stop and redirect a fuckin missile, and then she’s FLYING INTO BOMBS AND COMING OUT THE OTHER END COMPLETELY UNSCATHED?? 

OH AND THEN SHE FLIES INTO FUCKIN SPACE WITHOUT A HELMET OR ANYTHING AND SHE CAN BREATHE JUST FINE???

it just makes no sense, it’s completely unreasonable and it makes her too perfect to me. Too unbeatable. I don’t like it. 

but all in all a good movie, loved seeing young Fury and shit

Avengers: Endgame I WILL NEVER BE READY

As I thought, I wasn’t ready

But, I actually think that knowing about Tony beforehand made it a bit easier

I still wish I hadn’t known

and I still bawled like a baby 

but like,,, I think I would have been way worse off if I hadn’t known

I’m just so sad now

I really need a hug

and even though I just cried more than I’ve done all year I need to cry some more I think

I’m glad everyone who got dusted came back, although I kinda knew they would 

well, I would have been fine with Quill staying dusted tbh. I really don’t like that guy

NATASHA WAS NOT ALLOWED TO DIE, I WILL NOT BE OKAY WITH THIS :(

oh gosh yeah I know I have more thoughts about this movie that I wanna say but I need to be more okay first oh man

okay hi again, it’s the next day and I’m still sad but here are some more thoughts: 

I hated the whole Bruce/Hulk think. All the good parts about each side of his character were just erased.

I don’t even see the purpose of it. 

Okay I kinda knew that Steve was gonna go back to the 40s, but I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SO SHH

anyway, I didn’t like Steve staying in the 40s, and here’s why: 

he knew that this was the single one out of 14 million times they won against Thanos, so he knew that changing anything at all would fuck it up

but at the same time, I find it hard to believe that Steve could be aware that Tony and Nat dies and not want to do anything about it

even though he knows he can’t

so wouldn’t it have been easier to just go back to the present after he returned all the stones? So he wouldn’t have to live with that dilemma?

ALSO, I WILL NOT ACCEPT that after everything he did to get Bucky back, he just leaves him. Just like that. 

Literally the only reason this makes sense is as a setup for the Falcon and The Winter Soldier Disney+ series. 

But I still don’t like it

Spiderman: Far From Home

This was nice, I needed this. 

I didn’t like it as much as homecoming, but I didn’t expect to considering how much I loved hoco

it was really nice to see some more Peter Parker bc i love him but also like,,, most of it was traumatized spidey boy :((( and that was sad :(

He’s literally just a child and he’s already so damaged and it’s big big sad

the high school vibes were immaculate

not that I’ve actually been to high school in the US but like,,, it felt like a high school movie okok

Okay but like May’s character really did a full 180? I don’t really understand where that all came from, but uhhhh okay then

Okay, Quentin Beck. 

before we realized he was bad, I already didn’t like him, cuz it seemed like he was gonna start to become a new father figure for Peter and I WAS NOT COOL WITH THAT

but then I understood that that wasn’t happening so it’s all good

he’s a pretty cool antagonist. not a fave, but pretty cool. 

OH OH FLASH IS SO GAY FOR SPIDERMAN THO RIGHT

he actually got some real nice character development that I had not expected, that was nice

all in all, great movie, I love my spidey boy. 

pretty sad that I’m done tho... :( 

but also like, I watched all of them (except incredible hulk) in 34 days. That’s kinda impressive, right?

ALSO THERE’S NO MORE SPOILER DANGER YAY !!!

and finally, here is my ranking of the movies based on how much I liked them: 

0. The Incredible Hulk ( didn’t watch )

SPIDERMAN: HOMECOMING 

Thor: Ragnarok

Captain America: Winter Soldier

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Iron Man 3

Avengers

Captain America: Civil War

Spiderman: Far From Home

Iron Man 

Avengers: Infinity War

Thor

Avengers: Endgame

Iron Man 2

Thor: The Dark World

Captain Marvel

Black Panther

Captain America: The First Avenger

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Ant-Man

Guardians of the Galaxy

Doctor Strange

[destination-despairing]

Sleep aid

Guess who wrote some Kuzuhina (hint: It was me and River) Read here on AO3

Fuyuhiko knew the signs of sleep deprivation. He'd suffered from it himself on more than one occasion and it wasn't exactly pretty. 

Obviously he didn't care that Hajime looked about ready to collapse. Wasn't his problem. But he was sorta their leader and they needed him, and if no one else was gonna notice how bad he looked well... Fuyuhiko had to take matters into his own hands. 

He felt stupid and awkward as he always seemed to when preparing to face Hajime, but he shoved it aside and knocked on the door to his room.

Fuyuhiko felt worried when it took a long minute for Hajime to come answer the door. When he did he looked down at Fuyuhiko like he was trying to process the steps it’d taken him to get from whatever he’d been doing to answering the door. 

“Yeah?” Hajime said slowly. 

“Geez, you look even shittier than yesterday,” Fuyuhiko snorted, more to deflect the fact Hajime looked pretty even exhausted. 

“... Thanks?” Hajime sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can I help you or did you just stop by to insult me?” 

Fuyuhiko actually felt kind of bad. He glanced away and shoved the bag he’d been carrying into Hajime’s hands, blushing horribly. “Here. I know sleeping in this place sucks but you have to eventually.” He hoped Hajime wouldn’t put too much thought into the gifts, which Fuyuhiko most certainly had. “I got your meeting with Makoto today canceled, told him you weren’t feeling well. They postponed it to next week.” 

Hajime fumbled a bit with the bag, eyes going wide. “W-what?” He stammered. “You thought I couldn’t handle it?” He seemed to shrink on himself, shoulders falling. 

“No!” Fuyuhiko said quickly, guilt twisting in his gut like a knife. “You’re the strongest person I know, course you could handle it. Doesn’t mean you should have to all the time.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Hajime pressed his hand to his forehead and then let it run through his hair, tousling it worse than it had already been. “I’m not myself… Thanks for helping..” He lingered a bit with his hand on the doorknob. 

Fuyuhiko tried and failed to not be slightly enamored with the way Hajime’s hair fell messily on his head. He imagined running his own fingers through it and blushed. “You gonna go try and get some sleep? Cuz I can take my gifts back if you’re not gonna appreciate them.” He joked. 

“Yeah, sure.” Hajime gave a weak smile. “I’ll uh, see you later.” 

That should have been the end of it, but… 

“Did you want help?” Fuyuhiko’s blush worsened. “There’s some tea in the gift bag I could make for you, wouldn’t want you burning yourself or some shit with how tired you are.” It was a lame excuse and he knew it, but he was concerned and wanted to keep an eye on his friend. 

Hajime looked like he was considering the offer. “If you like,” He stepped aside for Fuyuhiko to come in, something in his posture showing relief.. 

“No need to sound so happy about it.” Fuyuhiko rolled his eye as he entered the room, being snarky more so to alleviate his own nerves. He didn’t want to overstep and make Hajime uncomfortable, but the worry he felt outweighed his anxiety and pushed him forward.

 He wanted to know Hajime was okay… Which was normal, right? After all they’d been through, they were friends and Hajime was their makeshift leader. It was fine to care, and he cared a normal amount. 

The current hotel the Future Foundation had them set up in was nice enough that they got suites, there was a kitchen and a sitting room attached to a bedroom and bath. 

Once they were both inside Hajime flopped onto the couch, loosening his tie with a huff. 

Fuyuhiko pointedly ignored Hajime’s everything in favor of grabbing the tea out of the bag and escaping to the kitchen. 

He knew now wasn’t the time to be… feeling things. Especially new things. He could explore that later, when Hajime was in a better space. 

Fuyuhiko headed back out to the living room a few minutes later. He immediately noticed how Hajime had undone the top two buttons of his shirt which wasn’t distracting at all. 

He sat on the coffee table across from Hajime and offered him the mug. 

“Thanks,” Hajime blew on it to cool it and looked thoughtful a minute. “It’s really that obvious?” He asked. 

“Nah,” Fuyuhiko let his tone soften. “No one else knows, you’re a good actor for someone going on… What, four hours of sleep in the last two days?” He guessed, raising an eyebrow. 

“... Zero.” Hajime admitted, looking away quickly. 

“Jesus…” Fuyuhiko shook his head and sighed. “What do you need? I mean this shit was just guesses.” He gestured to the gift bag. “Anything you need, I’m here.” He normally would’ve felt embarrassed at proclaiming that but… He cared about Hajime, just like he cared about the rest of his classmates.��

He wasn’t gonna let him suffer alone. 

Hajime looked a little helpless. “I don’t know, sorry. I’ve tried everything I’ve got… I just can’t do it.” He took a sip of tea from the mug, then leaned down to press the mug against his forehead, closing his eyes. 

“Guess I’m gonna have to stick around until we find something that works then.” Fuyuhiko smiled slightly. “I’ve got more tricks up my sleeve if these don’t help. I’m the ultimate Yakuza, I’ll get you sleeping like a goddamn baby.” 

“Thought it was ‘sleeping with the fishes’.” Hajime joked, chuckling quietly. 

“That’s for the people I don’t like, and thankfully for you I do like you.” Fuyuhiko grinned at Hajime’s stupid joke. 

“I’m grateful. Don’t know what I’d do without you.” Hajime said, leaning back on the couch. He winced at the movement. 

Fuyuhiko noticed the wince and felt that worry gnaw at him again. He got up, draping his jacket over the arm of the couch and moved behind Hajime. Before he could fully register what he was doing he started massaging Hajime’s shoulders gently. 

Hajime made an obscene sound at the touch and it made Fuyuhiko’s stomach twist. He was grateful to be behind Hajime so he couldn’t see the fact his face was scarlet. 

Hajime leaned forward, putting his mug on the coffee table and giving Fuyuhiko more room to work. “God, please keep doing that…” Hajime groaned. 

Fuyuhiko chuckled deeply. He didn’t have any intentions of stopping unless Hajime asked him to, and clearly he was enjoying himself. He couldn’t help but feel sympathy. The muscles under his skin were clenched tightly, like he was prepared for a fight that was never going to happen. No wonder he was wincing, if they’d been stuck like that for awhile. 

Once some of the tension was gone he decided to take a gamble, slipping his hands under the bottom of Hajime’s shirt to massage his lower back. 

A shiver ran down Hajime’s spine and he chuckled. “Your hands are cold,” He pulled away and passed the mug of tea to Fuyuhiko before taking his shirt off. “There. You can warm them up.” 

Fuyuhiko froze, ignoring the fact that the mug was just a bit too warm and the longer he held it the more it burned. 

Of course when they'd come out of the simulation things were different, they weren't the highschoolers they thought they were, rather adults. And Hajime of course had the Kamukura project affecting him. 

Still Fuyuhiko wasn't prepared for those back muscles. 

He suddenly felt very warm.

“Hey, careful.” Hajime took the mug away. “I thought I was the space ca…” he yawned. “..det.” 

“Shut up,” Fuyuhiko mumbled, his face bright red. “You want me to keep helping you or not?” 

"Not if it bothers you." Hajime set the mug aside. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything pulling my shirt off like that... I'm so tired I forgot how weird that would be, didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Fuyuhiko took a breath and carefully started massing Hajime’s shoulders again. “You think you’re the first guy I’ve seen shirtless?” He snorted. Yeah maybe the only other guys were in the locker room at gym but Hajime didn’t need to know that. “It’s fine.” He assured. 

“Good…” Hajime nodded, then he laughed softly to himself like he was having some private joke.

“You know there’s stuff for a bath in that gift bag if you want to relax more.” Fuyuhiko offered. “No wonder you haven’t been sleeping. You’re probably stressed as hell with all the shit that’s been going on.” 

“Shit never stops,” Hajime agreed. “I’d like a bath but I’m enjoying talking to you. I know I’m supposed to be sleeping but it’s nice to spend time with you.” He turned and rested his chin on the back of the couch, looking up at Fuyuhiko.

Fuyuhiko felt his heart flutter and put a hand over his chest to try and stop it. "Not like I'm going anywhere, we live in the same building." He mumbled. "Plus I'd.. Stick around. Anything you need, remember?"

"That's nice of you," Hajime yawned, leaning more heavily on the back of the couch. "I'd like it if you were still here when I woke up... if I ever sleep that is."

"I mean I can stay." Fuyuhiko mumbled. "Maybe it'll make you feel more at ease if you have a bodyguard." He joked, trying to ignore how much Hajime's words made him want to smile.

"Heh," Hajime chuckled. "Maybe I'll try that bath and then try this sleep thing again. You can kick around here if you want, I've got snacks you can steal."

"Nah, let me make myself useful." Fuyuhiko grabbed the bubble bath from the gift bag and headed to the bathroom before Hajime could say anything else. Rolling up his sleeves, he started the water. Once it got warm enough he let the tub fill, adding some of the bubble bath to the rising water. He actually let out a stupid giggle as a bubble hit his nose. 

He'd have to thank Peko again for letting him borrow the stuff, he knew it wasn't easy to come by nowadays.

Fuyuhiko wiped his hands dry and loosened his tie a little as he walked out to find Hajime. He was in the bedroom waiting.

 "All set for ya. Go relax, that's an order."

Hajime just stared at Fuyuhiko after his command, something unreadable in his eye. 

"You okay?" Fuyuhiko asked, mildly concerned. He reached up to press a hand to Hajime's forehead, but his hand was warm from the water so it didn't do much. He frowned. "If you think you're getting sick from lack of sleep you need to tell me."

Hajime’s knees seemed to weaken and he leaned into Fuyuhiko’s touch looking weary. 

"Woah there, don't go falling on me." Fuyuhiko wrapped his arm around Hajime's waist to help support him and brought him into the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the tub. He tried very hard not to be distracted by Hajime's chest, which was a losing battle. Still though he felt worried. Hajime looked exhausted and a little pale. He wondered if he should call Mikan.

Hajime seemed to take a moment to process the movement from one room to the next and eventually nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, I'm sorry... don't know what happened..."

"You're tired out of your mind is what happened." Fuyuhiko said with an unusual amount of gentleness. He pressed the back of his fingers to Hajime's cheek, looking at him with concern.

"I really am so tired..." Hajime said quietly, tears filling his eyes. He huffed and tried to scrub the tears away. "I'm going to get in the bath now," he said as he stood. 

Fuyuhiko looked almost pained as he took a step back. "Yeah... I'll uh, I'll wait out here okay?" He really didn't want to leave Hajime alone, not when he was upset and looked close to passing out. He turned and put his hand on the door, then paused. 

"Maybe I should stick around? Would hate for you to pass out in the tub and drown..." He offered softly, fully prepared to be kicked out.

"... yeah," Hajime said quietly. "Stay."

Fuyuhiko felt the tension leave his shoulders. He waited until he heard Hajime step into the water to turn back around. He undid his tie and the first few buttons of his shirt, the steam from the bath making him feel warm.

He watched as Hajime sank into the water, resting his head on the back of the tub.

"Thanks for using something like this on me," Hajime said, moving his hand through the bubbles. "I haven't done this since I was a kid."

Fuyuhiko sat on the floor, leaning back against the sink cabinet. "Yeah me neither," He smiled a little. "Peko loved the stuff when we were kids. I used to steal it for her. It was the one thing I could think to do to repay her."

"Cute." Hajime smiled. "Tiny little Robin Hood." He sank further into the tub as if to try and hide his grinning, leaning against the side.

"Fuck off I'm not tiny!" Fuyuhiko shouted on instinct, crossing his arms over his chest. He groaned a little. "Would you believe I was taller as a kid?" He shook his head slightly, annoyed at the truth and the fact he was telling it. "Was taller than Peko until she turned eight and shot up into space."

"Pretty unfair of her," Hajime replied, playing idly with the bubbles.

"I should've learned to use swords so I could cut people's legs off." Fuyuhiko grinned but it faded fast as he realized how horrible that sounded. He wondered if he actually did things like that, or ordered Peko to, leaving people to suffer in pain and despair for hours before they bled out. 

He put a hand over his mouth and looked away, suddenly feeling a bit sick.

Fuyuhiko heard the water splash as Hajime moved. "... hey, this stuff is really rare these days, I don't think I should be the only one to use it up," Hajime said suddenly, worry seeping into his tone, "You could join me..." 

"What?!" Fuyuhiko looked over at Hajime so fast he hit his head against the cabinet and swore loudly, rubbing where he'd hit. "J-join you?" His face was red and heart beating way too fast, his previous train of thought forgotten as he looked over Hajime's chest which was dripping wet.

He was so fucked.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Hajime hissed in sympathy and made a move to get up, but he seemed to think  better of it and kept a good portion of himself still concealed.

"I'm fine!" Fuyuhiko said hurriedly. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to force himself to calm down. He was overreacting, he knew that. "Sorry, fuck just... Wasn't expecting the offer." He mumbled.

"Hey, it's cool, look." Hajime seized a nearby towel and quickly stood and wrapped it around himself. "You can just take a bath yourself, huh? I think I'm going to try to sleep."

Fuyuhiko felt... Disappointed. He shouldn't be taking advantage of Hajime in his sleep deprived state though, so it was good he supposed that he didn't jump in.

"You said you wanted me to stay with you, so I'm gonna. I don't need a bath."

Hajime shook his head. "You're so loyal... take care of yourself too." He reached out a hand to help Fuyuhiko up.

Fuyuhiko blushed and took Hajime's hand a little hesitantly. "It's not about being loyal, it's called being your friend and caring about you. Dumbass."

Hajime smiled. "You're still a sweet guy."

"Come on big guy, you really need to sleep. You're getting delusional, thinking I'm sweet." Fuyuhiko snorted and kept their hands intertwined so he could bring Hajime out to his bedroom.

Hajime seemed to have reached his limit, or at least his body had. As soon as he was close enough to the bed he collapsed onto it, not bothering to change into clothes or try to get under the covers. 

Fuyuhiko shook his head fondly. He disappeared back into the bathroom for a moment to grab another towel, which he used to dry Hajime's off to the best of his ability without moving him. Once he was done he tucked the covers around him. He watched him for a moment, seeing his body move slowly with each breath.

Fuyuhiko brought a chair over to sit at Hajime’s bedside and reached out to gently stroke his hair. 

He was grateful Hajime could finally get some sleep. 

Fuyuhiko stayed by Hajime’s side as he slept, playing around on his phone, cleaning the bathroom, keeping the blankets securely around him. 

When he heard Hajime start to rouse he got up and grabbed a glass of water which he set on the nightstand before sitting back down.

Hajime slowly opened his eyes. “Fuyuhiko…” It was the first word out of his mouth as he reached out for him. 

Fuyuhiko felt his heart stutter and he was surprised it didn't stop completely. 

He met Hajime's hand that was reaching for him and took a hold of it gently. "Sleep well princess?"

"How long?" Hajime asked, pulling Fuyuhiko's hand closer like a cat dragging a prized toy to its den.

"I'd say a good eleven hours." Fuyuhiko smiled a little at Hajime dragging his hand closer.

"And you stayed..." Hajime said happily as he pressed a kiss to Fuyuhiko's fingertips.

Fuyuhiko turned scarlet at the kiss and his heart felt ready to burst out of his chest. "W-well yeah. You asked me to, remember? Said you wanted to wake up to me or some crap..."

"Still, the whole day went by." Hajime yawned. "Mm... I could sleep more..." he admitted, squeezing Fuyuhiko's hand like he was afraid he'd leave this time.

"So sleep more, you probably need it." Fuyuhiko said gently, wondering briefly how Hajime's soft lips would feel on his.

"C'mere?" Hajime asked quietly.

Fuyuhiko slowly crawled into the bed with Hajime and hesitantly put an arm around him. He knew that feeling of desperately not wanting to be alone, of needing someone physically near. He could do this for Hajime, ignore the frantic beats of his heart and just be there for him. Hajime of all people deserved it. 

"Now get some sleep." He ordered.

Hajime let out a small sob. He curled up with his head on Fuyuhiko's chest, fingers curling in his shirt.

"Hey it's okay," Fuyuhiko wrapped his arms tighter around Hajime, feeling a surge of protectiveness. "I've got you big guy, I've got you." He knew how stressful it was to lead, and he knew his experience was nowhere on the same level to what Hajime had to do on a daily basis. Of course he was burnt out and tired. 

He wanted to ensure it never got this bad again…

"Love you..." Hajime muttered, wrapping his arms tight around Fuyuhiko.

"Love you too..." Fuyuhiko said, wondering how Hajime meant it, if he did at all or if he was still sleep deprived. 

He ran a hand through Hajime's hair, curly from sleeping with it damp.

Fuyuhiko decided, as Hajime fell back asleep in his arms, that ultimately it didn’t matter. He cared about Hajime, so he would be there for him, whenever and however he needed him. 

He pressed a soft kiss to Hajime’s forehead, and slowly drifted to sleep.