#all I want is to love someone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chrissy-kaos · 10 months ago

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I literally fucking hate people.. this is a real text I got this morning at 5:40am. Like wtf. Y’all wonder why I want to live in Antarctica and never seen another human ever again… this is why.

#I can’t stand this world anymore #it’s trash #humans are trash #why me #why does this keep happening #what did I do in my past life 🙄#I don’t want to be here anymore #I’m just going to give up #on life #dating sucks #get your shit together #get your baby momma in check #relationship #relationships suck #I’m over people #all I want is to love someone

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batcavescolony · 7 months ago

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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

#katniss everdeen #the hunger games trilogy #the hunger games #primrose everdeen #hunger games #batcavescolony reads the hunger games #suzanne collins #'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl #and this isn't negative just bffr girl #your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is #old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU #...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in #CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the #reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously #shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent #so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to #district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie #and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give #them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like #some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12 #cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact #that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good #these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the #hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to #comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but #of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.

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inkskinned · 1 month ago

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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

#warm up #prose #i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999 #like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT #but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny #what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person #(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like #an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral #and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her #still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago #still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.

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nedlittle · 1 month ago

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#ice ice baby #polls #pls rb i want a good sample size #we can't ALL die of scurvy it's not mathematically possible! someone has to succumb to exposure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also i could have included sooooo many more medical ailments i am being restrained #it could be its own separate poll #anyway so many of these are me and i would love to die of some horrible disease but i would fall into a crevasse #i do not look where i walk and there have been multiple occasions in my life where i have unintentionally climbed into a ravine & got stuck #one of which i had to us tree roots to climb up a rock face and i should have fallen and died #the other option was getting washed away by the tide lmao #and i was too embarrassed to call my boss for help #hi andrea can you send a boat to come get me i'm stuck at the bottom of hole in the wall and can't get back up #greatest (s)hits

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month ago

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How much longer 'til your luck runs out?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #Aaargh...I have so many thoughts about this scene.#This is a hard goodbye. I'm not your burden to bear. Not anymore.#This is the culmination of years of miscommunication. There was so much love there. They trusted each other with everything once.#I think it is easy to hear the anger in JC's voice and consider him the aggressor in this but listen to the words not the tone.#It is anger yes - but it is an anger born out of love.#Jiang Cheng wanted him to live - damn the rest of the world to hell if that's what it took. And Wei Wuxian chose strangers over him.#Sometimes two people who once flourished together become each other's worst wounds.#A goodbye to someone you once would have done anything for is a wound you don't easily recover from.#Jiang Cheng could have stood at Wei Wuxian's side and joined him. Consider though; as a sect leader his life is not his own anymore.#JC cannot just abandon the fledgling New Yunmeng Jiang without also dooming people.#And that is the lynch pin of it all. Both of them are trapped by duty. And the older they got the more tangled the web became.#The song I linked (Hi Epic fans) is such a good JC and WWX song that doesn't fit this scene exactly #But it does fit *them*. The words of warning that go dismissed. The Tactical Genius who continues to press on.#The seeds of doubt that grow louder until they creep towards mutiny. Ultimatly this *is* a mutiny! It *is* betrayal!#'You rely on wit and people die by it'. Is that not Wei Wuxian?#Just smashing my brainworms together over here. Don't mind me.

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composeregg · 3 months ago

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edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here

And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:

No, this was not an ISAT reference!

Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT

(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)

If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that

#egg speaks #writing #polls #my writing #egg writes #my polls #poetry #time loops #listen I want to run this again #time loop poll #<- check that tag on my blog for the original 10 option version lmao #unreality #you know I didn't think I'd get fed up with people making isat jokes about this #I thought it'd be like oh hey neat same hat #we both like the same game #but people keep going “oh this is JUST an ISAT reference”#as if it's not a genuine work of creativity I did myself. it feels a bit devaluing #“op you played isat” yes but that came after the original!!!!!#I KNOW it's not meant like that but I want people to engage in my work as its own thing. you can make jokes about similar media!!!#but this is it's own thing!!!!#I want people to like it for what it is. I want people to enjoy it outside of other media. I want it to stand on its own #I'm flattered someone said it was good enough that they think it could be narration from the game and read just as well!!!!#but like. idk. all the other medias popping up (pmmm. orv. higurashi. etc) aren't people calling it a /reference/#if I wanted it to be an ISAT reference I would have tagged it originally. I would have targeted it toward ISAT fans more intentionally.#I love fanworks but this was an ode to time loops alone. I wanted people to think. to have to CHOOSE. I wanted PARTICIPATION #time loops as a narrative and as horror and as a group activity via polls on tumblr. also s/o to the person who said 40 hr work week so tru

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hinamie · 4 months ago

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"I'll show you every day that choosing to live was worth it"

some of my favourite scenes from @hijinks-n-lowjinks' fic things i would miss from the other side . this fic tore my heart out fr but like in a good way and i wanted to pay it homage the only way i know how <3

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanart #itafushi #fushiita #yuji itadori #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #I LOVE PLOTTING AND ALSO SCHEMING #listen i have a lot of feelings and i needed 2 process them and i do that by making art 2 target my mutuals directly #read my about it's there it's in the fineprint if we talk You Are Not Safe smile #i just . BITING BITING BITING this fic #the domesticity the grief the casual yet unfathomably deep soulmatism.......im ruined i tell u Ruined #so naturally i dropped everything #remember how i said lefts/rights r my enemy my beloathed my nemesis. MIRRORS MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE FHGDSAJFGJS I WANTED DEATH #i was like this is incorrect. no this is correct. flips them around in my head. no im wrong again actually #purgatory tbh but we got there (watch me be wrong again tho if i am wrong again i think i will Cry)#anyway!!! i don't have much else to say except pls read the fic and show jinx some love they 1000% deserve it this fic 1000% deserves it #i could only draw so many scenes but i would draw all of it if i could #fr i ws so paranoid abt accuracy lmao cut 2 footage of me looking up rice cooker models and wtf the colour 'carnelian' was #i hope i got everything right i hope i did it justice :'>#also if any1 mentions how megumi's arm in 3 is at an awkward angle. look me in the eye and tell me youve comfortably cuddled with someone #i will call u a liar

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egophiliac · 23 days ago

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I don’t think we’ve ever seen you draw knight of dawn before 🤔 what are your thoughts about him? Or take?

I've drawn him a couple of times, just really little/in the background. but I should draw him more, I love this guy a lot! I have many, many thoughts about him and the way he parallels Silver...and also I think it is extremely funny that his ghost is stuck in a ring. especially considering where that ring has been for the last 16-ish years.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #don't mind me just killing time waiting for maintenance to end so i can stick my face directly into 7-12 #i mean i'm on the record (read: constantly posting) about how much i love the whole tragique backstory behind mal's birth #and. look. hold on it's a day ending in y time to be embarrassing about anime characters online again #no but really i love him. i love how he's such a vague figure but also the way his and silver's stories contrast #i cannot articulate it very well but just #i love how he's essentially like...bad end silver #he let himself go along with the big evil plan because he wanted to save his dad and not betray his king and all that #and when he finally did take a stand it was too late to stop the worst of it #meanwhile silver was immediately like NOPE WE'RE NOT DOING THIS #silver is NOT going to end up slaying the dragon thank you very much #me kicking my stupid little legs in glee over it all #and! the retrospect when you realize! that he was the one leading silver around lilia's memories!!!!#he is so happy that silver and lilia have each other!#he's so happy for them!#i want to put him in a can and hold him in my pocket for 16 years #also: his ridiculous hair. it's so silly and so good.#may vil never meet him #the knowledge that there's someone with naturally gorgeous hair who has somehow done it even dirtier than silver would destroy him

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bixels · 8 months ago

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Scary Sunset.

I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.

#mlp #sunset shimmer #twilight sparkle #twiset #the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art #deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement #but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way #when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too #fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory #and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her #anyways toxic yuri yayyy #my art #the grand galloping 20s #character design #i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days #i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate #is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey

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yardsards · 8 months ago

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"i don't ship laios and marcille-" oh yeah same, their relationship is so much more compelling to me viewed through a platonic lens than a romantic one

"-like, marcille clearly hates laios" are we reading/watching the same series??? did you just stop after the first couple chapters??? look at their relationship development, that's her friend! her bestie, even!!!

#eliot posts #dunme #dungeon meshi #marcille+laios are so barry+taako coded. to me.#the anime is only at the beginning of their friendship arc but it's already so good #and as someone who has read the manga it only gets better from here #they love each other so much and care about each other's wellbeing and trust each other and admire each other's skills so much #i want to eat drywall over these two they are best friends #basically i have more in common w someone who says those two love each other romantically #than i do w someone who says they don't love each other at all #(well. assuming the former is serious abt their characters and not just boring tropey shipping main guy w main girl yk)

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datcravat · 9 months ago

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pe ru so na

#MY ART #I SPENT FOREVER ON THIS #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #makoto yuki #okay so while it is super iconic I didn't want to draw someone with a gun to their head (love it in P3 love the symbolism #just dont want to explain it all to my mum or have non persona fans see it at my booth at comic con)#so I was forced to get creative #I hope this comes across #but I wanted to imply he just shot that bullet hole into the background that makes thanatos' eye #the bullet hole also sort of looks like a big glint of than's eye #those white parts on the white are than's hand curling around the MC #and I tried to make the colour scheme CYMK to symbolise how the MC is the wildcard #he is the blueprint and can make anything.#a lot of thought and effort went into this one. persona 3 baby!! hope you like it

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ratsoupee · 10 months ago

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Accepting isolation, craving belonging

#art #digital art #comic #long post #this is kind of vent?#I don't want to be all I had a rough childhood wahh #I just find it bizarre to have so many little aspects of my childhood shape me #I crave isolation #I thrive in isolation #But I want to belong #I want to intimately know someone #and I want someone to intimately know me #This is to all the people who have loved me #even if we dont talk anymore #i love you and have loved you and i want nothing but for you to be happy #original post

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inkskinned · 2 months ago

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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually #abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable #it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had #i started taking community classes #if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath #and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment #a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends #a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw #i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!

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fallenrain40 · 3 months ago

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labels are optional btw. i've seen some people complain about microlabels and how they are confusing, unnecessary, but the thing is. those labels are OPTIONAL. the people who use microlabels are using them because they feel that's what works best for them. you don't have to use any label you don't want, even if it's description technically matches you. that's why things like ace and aro are spectrums. you could use a microlabel, or if you feel it works better to just call yourself ace/aro, or simply aspec, there's options. and you don't even have to use any of them if you don't want. you can go unlabeled. it's all up to you what you want to use for yourself. nobody is forcing you to use a label you don't want. that's literally the opposite of what we want htgfsdsf

my point is, if microlabels don't work for you, then just don't use them. don't start trying to invalidate others who do use them. microlabels exist so you have more options.

#lgbtq #queer #aspec #aro #ace #aroace #just putting that thought out there #i love microlabels so much but i can 100% understand why someone wouldn't want to use them as well #but just becuase they dont work for you doesnt NOT mean they are bad at all #i hope this was worded right lol #nothing specific really caused me to post this i just like thinking about this stuff haha

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fisherrprince · 3 months ago

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