#aka I animated too long and crashed real hard | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deiliamedlini · 4 years ago

Note

Now about that zombie au......

Hahahaha!!!! I was working on this for a while, and then I reread the first few chapters I’d done, and I HATED the pacing! So I decided to scrap all seven chapters I had so I could start over! I did keep the first chapter, and everything else is still floating in the doc, but I don’t think I’m going to use it! Plus, I got caught up in the pirate fic, so Zombies is on the side!

Right now, it’s Zelda and her little brother escaping the apocalypse (aka the Great Calamity because I’m crafty and steal things), and they’re running from zombies (Re-deads), and they find shelter at a farm they think is abandoned, but guess who’s there?!?! It’s Link! That might change because that’s in the scrapped chapter 2, but that’s where it is now!

I’ll put a little snip of it from chapter 1 below the ‘keep reading’ thing because why not?

They sat together on the couch, close, hands clasped tightly together. Zelda leaned into her mom more, their eyes glued to the television. Reports of the odd sky filled the night, but there was no word on what it was, or what it meant. Half the news stations just called this a cloud phenomenon, a weather fluke, a chance observance of a lifetime.

Then, it was midnight.

Outside, there was a loud screech, a low hum, a cacophony of sounds like animals in the night. It was never ending, howling, yelping, panicking. Dogs barked, birds flew.

Zelda and her mom exchanged a worried glance and their vice grip tightened on the other as they inched their way toward the window.

The moon had peeked out from behind a cloud to burn a sickly red.

The air was hazy, tinged from the light of the moon, looking almost like droplets of blood that made their way to pool in the air beneath it. It was disgusting, and it was beautiful.

“The moon is red,” Zelda breathed, her nerves clenching her gut so hard that she physically doubled over. “What’s happening?”

Her mom held her and rubbed her back. “I don’t know. Let’s get away from the window though.”

She could feel her mom’s shaking hands, violent and unstoppable, but her voice was assured and calm as she led Zelda back to the couch.

The television was static before a poor-quality video appeared on the screen. There was no reporter speaking, only frightened silence as something emerged from the darkness, heading towards the light of the camera crew.

It was slow, but not too slow. It was brown, like the sun had dried the flesh straight into its very bones. It was eviscerated, barely skin to start with. Hollow, empty eyes—holes even—that sunk straight into its skull. And it moaned as it walked, unable to move its mouth and releasing only a guttural noise instead. Though it was unclothed, there was no distinguishing if this thing was a male or a female, nor even human. There was no belly button, no eyes, no nose, no ears. Zelda wondered if what they were looking at was real.

Zelda shivered, unable to look away. There was no visual on the crew, but the creature kept its eyes on something.

Then, it screamed.

Its mouth still didn’t open wide enough for the sheer volume of the piercing noise to come out. It wasn’t natural. It was nails on a chalkboard. It was the long ringing noise in an ear when silence deafening.

The creature walked closer still, and then, a blur. The camera fell, the mic hit the ground, thudding with reverberations and feedback.

And then there was a rhythmic noise, like a hum but repeating quickly at the same pitch again and again. The camera then caught feet landing as if from nowhere, and a head crashed into the pavement, face turned away, unmoving.

The creature turned directions and walked away, leaving the screen on the back of the head with no one left to turn off the camera.

“Oh Goddess, what the fuck did we just watch,” Zelda breathed, hitting the power button quickly.

“Zelda, gather anything sharp. The fire poker. The knives. Get it all. I’m going to wake Aedan.”

Her mother hurried up the stairs, and Zelda’s violently shaking hands dumped every knife into her bag, grabbed the fire poker, grabbed a toy that was particularly sharp, grabbed pens and pencils and a foil container with those prickly ends to rip the aluminum. She threw it all into her bag.

She could hear her mother returning, explaining something to a small voice who kept asking questions.

“Zelda?” he breathed, his mouth widening into a smile.

Aedan was Zelda’s half-brother, and she was significantly older than him, already in high school when he was born. Still, he inherited almost all of their mother’s genetics, so much so that strangers often mistook Aedan for Zelda’s son when they were out. He was nine now, nearly ten, and yet he was still so small. Short, scrawny, easy for her mother to carry him down the steps in her arms.

“Hey, Squirt,” Zelda said, trying to force a smile, despite her fear.

He wriggled free from their mother’s arms and bolted to Zelda, enveloping her in a tight hug. She didn’t realize how much she needed his small arms around her until she gripped him snugly, refusing to let go. He didn’t mind though. He was a hugger.

Their mom stood at the bottom of the steps, watching. Her son, his pajamas, his tousled hair, his joy. Her daughter, jeans and a sweatshirt with eyes dark and unseeing in their panic.

Then, the front door creaked open.

#asks #wip

7 notes · View notes

fortune-fool02 · 4 years ago

Text

Took a lot of time and research and finally I was able to sketch out my OC's bio 😭👍🏼. Hope you like it @fortune-fool02

RE8 OC Goptri Biography

Early Life

Goptri was born to a middle class family in India. Growing up, she was a quiet kid and didn't speak much to anyone, but she was way more intelligent than her fellow peers. At the age of 5, her parents migrated to USA because her father had gotten a better job opportunity. She was very good in Academics and her creativity knew no bounds. She was also skilled at archery and took the sport as a hobby.

Everything was going well, until one day her mother succumbed to pneumonia and her father suddenly disappeared. She was 11 years old when both her parents left her alone and she was approached by Oswell E Spencer.

Adoption by Oswell E Spencer

Oswell E Spencer adopted 11 years old Goptri when she was orphaned and had no where to go. She had no idea who this man was or what he was here for. One second she was sitting outside her house entrance and the next second, a black limo parked itself in front of her house. She was too deep in grieving the death of her mother, that she didn't notice a man clad in fine suit approach her. He called out her name and she broke out of her trance. She looked up to find Oswell looking back at her with a warm smile on his face.

"Who are you?" Goptri asked, to which the man replied "I'm Lord Ozwell E Spencer, President and CEO of Umbrella Cooperation. I offer my condolences for what happened to your mother." With an annoyed look she asked "What do you want?". He explained to her that he's willing to help her get her life back in line. He promised her she'll be sent to the best institutes for her further education in exchange for her to agree to become his adoptive daughter.

She was sceptical about this at first but ultimately had to agree because as a young child she had nowhere else to go and not taking this one-time offer would be stupid on her part. With that, in the year 2001, Goptri Valli was officially adopted by Oswell E Spencer and renamed Goptri E Spencer.

Life in the Oswell Mansion

Goptri arrived at the Oswell's mansion in the Arklay Mountains where her new life began. Just as promised, Spencer sent her to the best institute he could find for her to continue her studies. She was good, very good. Always got straight A's which was a telltale sign that she had an higher IQ than the average person. For some unknown reasons, by the time she reached age 13 Oswell requested her to learn how to fight and hired professionals to teach her hand to hand combat. This somehow was the start where she started to doubt Oswell's intention of adopting her, but she dismissed the thought as soon as she thinked about it.

Little did she knew, that her gut intention was right. Oswell was a cold calculative elitist and him going out of his way to adopt some random kid was too hard to pass a judgement. She was nothing but another lab rat for him to test his viruses on. He always kept her away from the part of the mansion where he had a lab running. Due to this, Goptri never had any idea what was really going on under the beautiful architecture of the mansion. She was oblivious to the truth.

Capturing and Experimentations

Goptri thought her life was sorted out and she genuinely saw Oswell as her new father. Afterall, he took care of her when nobody else was there for her. Her life came crashing down real bad on her 15th birthday. On 24th of July in 2005, Oswell held a surprise party for her. Unbeknownst to her, it was a trap. He laced her dinner with a sedative and when she ate it, she blacked out.

She woke up few hours later with her body strapped down on a surgery table. Both her hands and legs restrained. She started to panic and tried to call out for her father but couldn't because her mouth was taped. When she tried to calm down, she realised she was in very different room than she had seen in the mansion. It looked like a operating room and it reaked of medical stench. This was the second time she was terrified so much, last time was when she was orphaned and left all alone. "No, no, no, no, NO!!! This is bad, where's papa!?" Is all she thought before a figure approached from the dark corner of the room. This is where she finally found out why being asked to be his daughter was always off setting. Oswell stared her in the eyes with no expressions whatsoever. He removed the tape from her mouth so she could speak, very well knowing that she's about to demand an answer. "Papa, please help me. What's going on?" She asked in a shaky voice but all she got was another dead stare from him. She started crying and wasn't able to figure out what is going to happen to her. Two people in lab coats approach Oswell and he orders them to proceed. Too distraught to even focus on the danger that was approaching her when one of the researcher grabbed her arm harshly pulling her out of her trance. "No.... NO!!!! STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? Papa, PAPA PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE". "Goptri..... You're going to make a fine specimen." Is all he said with a sick smile on his face before he left her down there with her cries of help drowning in the darkness of the underground lab.

Discovery of mutation

Oswell experimented on Goptri a total of three times. Third experiment being the last one before he died and she managed to escape the container she was frozen in.

The first virus he tested on her was the Progenitor Virus, or better known as the Mother Virus. This virus gave Goptri her first mutated power, that was Regeneration of any lost tissues, cells, and even limbs. The virus was injected into her body through an injection which was so painful, she collapsed out of pain. Oswell would visit her sometimes just to see how the experiment is progressing. Not satisfied enough, he would order the researchers to increase the dosage of the virus and keep on testing her regenerative abilities to the point where she was time and again put up against the other BOW's held captive in the mansion to fight like some wild animals. It always resulted in her loosing her limbs in the most brutal way possible, only to be forced to regenerate the lost limb back. This heavily damaged her psychological health and also in a way made her stronger as her Regeneration got more and more better.

The second time Oswell ordered to experiment on her to "enhance" her further, he bought few samples of the snake "Yawn", an adder (he experimented on years ago and now is a 40ft tall BOW) and asked the researchers to infuse Goptri's cells with the BOW snake's cells and see how it would work out. Goptri, now 16 years old, had become so numb, she barely felt anything. Her bright smile and laughter long forgotten and replaced with a dead expression which was hard to read. Once again she was strapped to the surgery table and a huge injection as big as an arm was injected into her spine and this time, she didn't even flinch from the pain, just staring at the lights that hung above her with dead expression. This experiment granted her the ability to mutate into a giant scaley creature with accelerated regeneration and inhuman strength and speed. This new discovery caused Oswell a sick sense of excitement that finally an experiment wasn't failing like the others. This pissed her off, making her go berserk and killing half the staff in the lab before collapsing after using her new powers for the first time and reverting back to her normal self. She was quite healthy looking for a lab rat mainly because of how Oswell made sure she stayed healthy when she was still his adopted daughter. After few months, the researchers discovered a new development in her powers, where she had developed the ability to release venomous substance from blisters forming on her face when she's in her mutated form. Goptri, by far, was the only subject who had managed to show so much progress without even damaging her original body and didn't turn into some deformed human like the other subjects. The reason was unknown and Oswell wanted to find out what makes her her.

Goptri endured his tormenting experiments until he was finally killed by a BOW called Albert Wesker. But not before he infected her with an unknown virus as his last experiment and freezing her in cryogenic pod. That unknown virus is later revealed to be an another version of the T-Virus (aka Tyrant Virus). This last virus is what gave Goptri her final set of powers. This virus enhanced her already existing mutations, making her one of the most dangerous BOW ever created. The virus sped up her metabolism, heightening her existing strength, speed and regenerative abilities. This in turn also made her mutated form way more bigger and tougher than it was earlier. It also effected her oscular tissue, allowing her to view and process visual information at a speed allegedly equatable to raptors. Now her mutated form has increased to 70ft, has bulletproof scales and a layer of thick skin underneath the scales as extra armour. Blisters on her face can now release venomous substance way more dangerous than it was before and can burn into a person's skin and flesh.

Oswell knew very well about how much less time he has to live and how dangerous she'll become if she were to be released. So he managed to build a specialised Cryogenic Pod for her to be frozen in and sealed and moved it to the Spencer estate located somewhere in Europe. Only to be released once the time comes. He won't be there, but his associates will take care of it until then.

Spencer Estate raid and death of Oswell E Spencer

In 2006, there was a raid organized by the BSAA on Spencer Estate. Meanwhile the BOW Albert Wesker found out about Oswell hiding in the estate and came in before BSAA. While the BSAA were raiding the entire estate, some of its soldiers made there way to the underground lab in the estate, only to be faced by loose BOW subjects. In the following gun firing fight, one of the BSAA soldier threw a grenade towards the BOW near Goptri's pod and the impacting blast successfully broke her free out of the container. The whole room was covered in ice and freezing due to the cryogenic pod being literally blasted to pieces. What the soldiers didn't realise was what they had freed was far worse than the current monsters they were fighting. Goptri woke up from her slumber and went berserk. Killing all the BSAA soldiers in a blink of an eye and also taking out the other monsters (this time not even bothering to mutate into her other form, that's how strong she'd become).

When she was done with the soldiers, she headed towards Oswell with nothing but pure rage and thirst for Oswell's blood on her mind. She reached his quarters only to discover him already dead. She was both pissed and happy at the same time. Pissed because someone took out Oswell before she could and happy on the fact she doesn't have to endure anymore of Oswell's experiments. With nothing to fear for and loose, she set with a new objective on her mind, "Find the cure" to turn herself back to normal. And anyone who stands in her way will be dealt with in a brutal way.

Life thereupon

After the raid was done, Goptri tracked down the BSAA's Europe headquarters. She knew they had taken all the information, documents and files containing every detail on Oswell and his research and experiments. She knew if they were to analyse it all, they'll find out about her existence and will probably come after her next. "No! I can't let that happen. They'll use me for their own selfish gains just like he did." Her inner voice warned. With that, after a few days, she planned to infiltrate the headquarters and take away all the information about her. She was successful in reaching the maximum-security archives. She took a little time to skim through the files and documents and finally she found it. Unluckily, she got spotted by one of the security soldier and the siren went off. "Well, it's now or never." Was the last thing she said before she used her powers once again to escape but not before leaving mutilated dead bodies of BSAA soldiers in her wake.

She took on herself to create a vaccine to cure her mutations once and for all and become normal again. She thereupon spent years in hiding, trying to find a cure. But it always ended in a failed attempt. It wasn't until 2015, she discovered a new information that could possibly help her in her quest. Among all the other files, there was a single file with just one name written on it, a name Goptri never heard of from Oswell. "Miranda", she checked the file and was baffled by the discovery she'd made. This "Miranda" woman was the sole reason why Umbrella Cooperation existed. Oswell learnt everything about mutations and the viruses from this very woman and weaponized this knowledge to terrorise the world in a sick plan for becoming god. "If she taught, sure enough she'll have the cure." And with that, she set out to find Miranda and "The Village" where she resided. A big surprise waiting for Goptri in the village.

😮 ooh. Finally finished it. I hope you guys liked this. I thank you for actually reading the whole thing because I know it's very long but I gave my all to create it. So much love and appreciation to you all for your time and attention ❤️🥰

#re8 oc #submission

5 notes · View notes

irene-sadler · 4 years ago

Text

Sir Reynard and the Red Knight

(aka “The Tournament”)

` Had Isbel made it rain? Meve thought maybe Gascon was onto something, but knew better than to ask. Regardless, the weather had changed by morning to a chill wind and cloudy sky which warmed to a damp, but rainless, afternoon. Possibly it was pleasant enough for those observing the proceedings and eating roasted nuts; she herself was drenched in sweat and could see only a small, square piece of the world beyond the two-inch thickness of leather, eighth-inch of steel, and heavy coat of dull black paint that separated her head from the outside world. Her view of the day was of pale gray skies, floating colorful banners, and the back of Bohault’s armor directly in front of her.

(“The tourney armor is not quite what you’re used to wearing.” Reynard had advised her, the night before. “It’s heavier and thicker.”

He’d considered the hastily-painted set he’d loaned her, frowning doubtfully.

“I must admit, I’m concerned that a few of these knights might recognize my armor even with the black paint, but will of course know I’m not in it; luckily it will be hard for them to say much about it if you arrive with no time to spare. Of course, a real professional can generally tell who is wearing a set of armor by the way they fight, whatever disguise they may employ, but they’ve never seen you fight, and even if they know my armor, and they know me, they may not figure out the discrepancy before it’s too late; for them, I mean.”

She’d grinned, gap-toothed and wolfish.)

She wasn’t smiling then, because of her jangling nerves, but he was right. It was impossible to see much of anything through the helm, much less recognize an individual knight, or realize that someone wasn’t really a knight. The roped-off lists teemed with a shifting, crushing press of horses and people – knights, footmen, valets, and Gascon, visible in the front of the mass, talking to Reynard, although she had no idea what they were saying, between the din of the crowd in the distance and the rattle of armor directly around her.

(“You won’t be able to hear much of anything, what with the crowd and the helm,” Reynard had continued, with a smile that almost matched hers, “It’s easiest to just listen for trumpets. The first you’ll hear are a warning to prepare yourself.”)

She heard a distant blare of instruments through the metal and leather that protected her head; her destrier, a massive bay animal, twitched his ears at the sound and sidled gently away from her neighbors, carrying her footmen and valets along with him like lesser celestial bodies. She sat still as he completed his movement and then stood patiently, unaffected by the din or by the dramatics of any of the horses near him. A veteran, she noted with appreciation; she’d borrowed him, like the armor, from Reynard, and wasn’t sure which of the two she valued more at that moment.

(“The second time you hear horns will be when the melee is over. Once all is in order, they’ll cut the ropes; you’ve seen this done, of course. After that you may fight whoever you come across who is on th’ opposing side. As you aren’t a famous, or infamous, knight, nobody will single you out in particular, and all you need to worry about to succeed is staying on your horse – but you’ve been in plenty of real battles, and you know that. I think you’ll do very well, under the circumstances.”)

The mass of men and animals waited; a drift of wood smoke floated over them and found its way through the little gap in Meve’s visor. Her eyes watered; she battled the urge to sneeze, lost, and, at that moment of weakness, the pack suddenly surged forward, carrying herself and her horse along with it. She juggled her lance and the reins for a moment, then noted the frustrated cant of her horse’s ears as he broke into a slow, heavy trot with the rest of the mass of rattling, encumbered men. It occurred to her that the animal knew more about his business than she did, so she dropped the reins, couched her lance, and knocked down her first attacker by instinct as much as skill. The spear shattered on impact with his breastplate and she continued on her way, dropping the useless splinters and happily shifting to more familiar tactics.

(Reynard’s face had turned unsure again, as he spoke. She suspected he was more nervous than she was, herself.

“- you’ll do very well unless, of course, you fall off, and then it’s anyone’s guess. You fight well on foot, better than I do, in fact, but it’s still best for you to stay mounted; mine will do his best to keep you aboard if he possibly can.”)

With a lance, she was awkward at best, but with a mace, she was perfectly competent. Reynard’s horse needed no guidance, and she battered her way through one, then another, of the defendant knights, as they happened to pass into her narrow view. She smashed through the lance of the first as he tilted at her, turned back after him, shoved him to the ground with her shield, and kept going. The second knight she recognized with satisfaction - he was dressed in red armor and had, seeing her unstoppable approach, moved to block her way. Her horse turned himself obligingly to put her alongside. She swung, experimentally, was easily blocked on his shield, and deflected an answering sword-blow with her own. Her next swing was delivered with the full force of her personal dislike behind it. The hit dented the stranger’s shield and splintered her mace; the head flew off into the air. They paused, staring at the splintered handle of her weapon in mutual astonishment.

(“But if you fall, Meve, you ought to yield; Bohault and th’ others will keep you in one piece. At least, I hope they will,” Reynard added, with a doubtful frown, which he shook off sharply. “Yes, they will, you’ll be fine. However, should you lose your helm-“

“Oh,” she said, taking his hand and steering him away from the armor, “Not to worry; I’ll wear a knit hat to cover my hair, and nobody will notice. Although, I do wish Isbel hadn’t refused to charm the thing so it wouldn’t come off at all, but I suppose that’d be an unfair advantage.”)

The moment was interrupted as someone hit the back of her helm from behind, a clanging blow that crashed her off her horse and into the clinging mud below. Isbel had most definitely caused the rainstorm, Meve reflected distractedly, as someone immediately dragged her up out of the muck and onto her feet. The stolid, middle-aged face of Bohault loomed overhead. He released her as she dragged her sword out of its sheath, and shouted an angry negative at whatever he was saying. She abandoned the horse and her shield, pushed Gaspar out of her way, and strode off in search of a new target, ignoring her ringing ears. Close by, one of her allies was scrambling backward, under desperate siege by a pair of opponents; she dealt one a hard punch to the helm with her armored fist, closed with the second and disarmed him with a clever twist of her weapon that sent his sword flying, turned back to her first victim, and scowled in disgust as the knight rapidly backed away from her and made his escape.

The man she’d rescued was floundering in the mud with his helm crooked; Meve made a momentary search, turning her entire torso to see through her visor, for his footmen, saw none, dropped her sword in the mud, and, gritting her teeth through her growing exhaustion, dragged him back onto his feet with both hands. She recognized his face with a flash of annoyance, noticed that his right arm was most probably broken, from the way his shield was awkwardly hanging, and sighed. Over his shoulder, Meve spotted the red knight coming for her, himself unhorsed; she hesitated, then raised her empty hand significantly, and, as he accordingly changed course and passed her by, reluctantly signaled to Bohault. The cavalryman and her own footmen circled around, blackjacks held against the thinning remains of the melee.

(“You’ll get tired, sooner than you think, my dear, but recall that this isn’t a real battle, and you may quit the field at any time, even if the fight hasn’t ended yet.”

She’d scoffed at the idea. Reynard smiled and shook his head at her.)

“There’s no shame in retiring early, so long as you put in a valiant effort,” Reynard had said; she repeated his rhetoric to Ethan, just before Isbel snapped the squire’s right shoulder back into place. The youth had nothing to say in response, but managed to nod to convey that he accepted her comments as an absolute truth, given by his Queen, before he fainted dead away. She sighed, rubbed her aching neck, and prepared herself for another lecture from the sorceress, but to her mild surprise the older woman only nodded approvingly at her.

“You’re wanted, ma’am,” Pug announced, sticking her head into the room, “And the Duke of Dogs warns that you’ve won some prize or something, and ought t’ prepare according.”

“They’ve been saying that the black knight is in love with a princess who was turned by magic into a swan,” Isbel remarked. “And that he is searching for a way to turn her back; as part of his quest, he has taken a vow of silence, so that he neither speaks nor removes his helmet. I’ve no idea how these rumors began circulating, obviously.”

“Fantastic,” Meve mumbled, reaching for her helm. “A swan, is it? Sound most inconvenient; for the knight, I mean. I’m sure the lady is quite content.”

The prize was granted by the middle-aged wife of the defendant Baron, smugly standing in for the mysteriously absent Queen; Meve recognized the woman from the previous day’s jousting even through her narrow view. She was exhausted, but Reynard’s horse carried her to receive her due, again without any instruction on her part, and her mud-spattered armor disguised her slight shaking. Somewhere beyond her metal shell, a man haughtily announced, “Behold here this noble lady, accompanied by my lords the judges, who have come to give you the tourney prize, because you have been judged the knight who has fought best today in the melee of the tourney, and my lady prays that you will take it with good will.”

She did, after a short pause before she realized she was being addressed, said nothing at all in response but only bowed, a motion made necessarily awkward by the weight of metal she wore, and then rode away.

There was no avoiding either the feast or dance that night, and Meve’s dwindling morale was not improved on realizing she would be unable to avoid the Baroness, either; she didn’t dislike the woman, but her patience for small talk was limited, at the best of times, and almost nonexistent after her long day. Luckily, the older woman only eyed her speculatively for a moment as she sat down and then tactfully made uninteresting conversation on occasion. The evening therefore wore on tiresomely, but mostly in silence, until she nodded toward Gascon and his admirers and remarked to Meve, “I believe they grow them without brains, these days; you’d best keep that one in green away from your friend. Do you see her circling? A grasping creature; harpies don’t compare.”

Meve, quite familiar with the behavior of harpies, considered the subject with an analytical eye and said, thoughtfully, “Hmm.”

A few minutes later, they were deep in a detailed discussion of the merits and backgrounds of the women in the hall, and then, after another drink or two, the men as well; it carried them companionably until Gascon escaped the crowd and joined them. He flopped into the seat nearest Meve, uninvited, and consumed the rest of her drink with a dramatic sigh. The Baroness stared blandly at him; Meve rolled her eyes toward the other woman.

“This is awful,” Gascon complained, “I don’t know how the two of you do this full-time. I think I was pretty rude, though; maybe most of those people won’t want to talk t’ me again.”

“You get used to it, after a few decades – oh, what now?” Meve asked irritably, as the door to the hall banged open and an armed man strode confidently through. Conversation in the hall ceased instantly, as everyone else looked curiously at the newcomer: a soldier, Meve suspected from his patchwork armor of mail and leather and extensive mustache, or perhaps a mercenary. The stranger looked around himself, bowed toward the Queen and Baroness and said, politely enough, “Good evening; I’m looking for Sir Reynard Odo.”

“Really? What for?” Gascon asked him, intrigued, but the knight stood up before the stranger could answer.

“Yes? Can I help you?” he asked; Meve sighed as the stranger immediately declared, “My master, Sir Holt of the Fen, represents that you have offended his honor and demands that you apologize or else face the consequences.”

“Who?” The Duke asked in a carrying whisper, blinking.

“The red knight; you remember him,” Meve explained, much more quietly. “What did you do, Count Odo?” she asked, louder. The Count shrugged modestly.

“He annoyed me yesterday evening, my lady,” he replied, “And so I threw him up some stairs. No, sir, I won’t apologize,” he continued, to the messenger. “Would do it again, in fact, given the chance.”

Gascon grinned; the Baroness smirked; Meve had to duck her head slightly to hide her own slightly surprised smile. A whisper of comment and a few laughs went around the room; the stranger ignored them.

“In that case, he challenges you to a duel, to restore his honor by force, says you are a recreant knight and no gentleman, and-“

“Yes, yes,” Reynard interrupted, uncharacteristically impatient, “Gascon, would you mind arranging the details?”

“Not at all,” he said, lightly. “Do you prefer swords, or something else?”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” the knight replied, bowed to all present, and shot a quick glance at the Queen. She nodded, very slightly; he left the hall without another word.

“Well,” she said to Gascon, as the stranger made his exit and the general din resumed, “I suppose we’ll be imposing on your hospitality for a few more days, then.”

“Stay as long as you want,” Gascon replied cheerily.

“I’m not surprised he wants to fight me,” Reynard was saying much later, sitting complacently with his legs stretched toward the inferno in Gascon’s fireplace and the knight who’d fought best that day resting her head in his lap, “But I did expect Sir Holt would choose a less melodramatic moment, if he called me out. These things would never fly in the royal court; you’d never get away with giving the melee prize to an unnamed knight who was dismounted and resigned early, no matter how gallantly he behaved toward his allies, or how well he fought beforehand. At least, not without any hurt feelings or complaints - not that I didn’t hear my share even here. Nor with trying to duel a judge of the tournament, for that matter, before it was yet officially over -”

“She,” Meve interrupted, to redirect his lecture, “How well she fought. And I’ll give prizes in my court as I see fit, sir.”

“Won’t be able to win all of ‘em yourself so easily, there,” he answered, “I thought you had fallen asleep; did I wake you?”

“Resting my eyes only, my love,” she said, “I can hear well enough despite.”

“It’s a fine trophy you’ve won,” Gascon said, examining the ruby-studded ring she’d been awarded with professional appreciation, “What will you do with it?”

“Why, give it to the next swan I come across, naturally,” she said; Reynard almost laughed.

“Say, Reynard,” the Duke continued, as if nothing unusual had happened, “Lord knows I’ve annoyed you hundreds of times, and yet you’ve never thrown me up some stairs. What gives?”

“Did I say annoyed? I meant something else,” the knight replied, with an automatic glance at Meve. She raised an inquiring eyebrow up at him, smiled as he looked cagily away, and made no attempt to hide her gratification at his embarrassment.

“Oh,” Gascon said, with an ironic smirk, tossed the ring to Reynard, and continued, inexplicably, “I get it. Well, I went against Sir Holt in the jousts th’ other day, and I don’t think he’s all that good of a fighter.”

“He knocked you down in a single pass,” Meve noted.

“Exactly; nearly anyone else could have done it just as easily, so it proves no particular skill on his part.”

“Yes, well, I fought him in the melee, and I think he’s more than passing good; you’ve your work cut out for you, Reynard. Although,” Meve added, “I should have beaten him in th’ end, without having to stop and rescue that squire of yours again, Gascon.”

“No doubt,” Gascon agreed, with no obvious sarcasm. “Well, seems you’ve preparations to make, Reynard, so I’ll leave you to it. Don’t stay up too late.”

Thick fog had settled in over the fort by the next morning; the Queen sent dozens of courtiers and retainers on their way before noon, moving very stiffly even to an unsuspecting eye, but otherwise appearing her usual self. The Duke, on the other hand, was visibly hungover and surly on top of it. The Baroness regarded her with a faint, amused smile, but said nothing of note to as she departed; Meve concluded that, probably, the older woman had gotten the wrong idea altogether about her relationship with Gascon, but it was too late to explain, even if she’d cared to bother. The only trouble with her and Reynard’s affair, she reflected, was that its private nature meant almost nobody else had any idea it existed, causing the occasional inconvenience.

She managed the rest of the departures with casual patience. Those few of Gascon’s admirers who were truly dedicated braved his short answers and dull, stupid glare, to no profit - he had no obvious interest in any of the women, no matter what they tried. Reynard watched the proceedings on and off from a distance, saying nothing, but conveniently vanishing during the brief appearance and hasty departure of the red knight. By midafternoon, the last of the visitors were gone, leaving only the lesser mob of Meve’s own retinue. Gascon, who had suddenly recovered from his hangover and moodiness, departed for a conference with the enemy and returned late in the evening.

“Sir Holt’s agreed to fight with th’ usual weapons, but not now. He says he wishes to postpone until some point in the near future; claims that his shield arm is injured from the melee due to a particularly hard hit, and he is, therefore, not prepared to restore his honor immediately,” he reported, helping himself to Reynard’s dinner. Meve smiled smugly.

“So,” Reynard said, yielding over his mostly untouched plate and looking unusually irritated, “There was really no reason for him to interrupt your feast with this nonsense, yesterday.”

“Well, he doesn’t wear that ridiculous red armor because he’s th’ uninteresting but considerate type, like yourself, my friend.”

“I suppose I ought to go back to Rivia Castle tomorrow, then,” said Meve, without much enthusiasm, as Reynard rolled his eyes and Gascon grinned cheekily at him. “Two weeks away from court is, perhaps, a little long; I wouldn’t want them to start getting creative ideas in my absence.”

“I’ll go too; no need to await Sir Holt’s recovery here instead of there,” Reynard said quickly.

“Or you could stay here,” Gascon said hopefully, “Sure, it’ll take a few weeks, but by then it’ll be hunting season, which you shouldn’t miss - boars, should it snow early in the season, deer if it don’t, foxes either way - you’d be home in no less than two months, I figure, when all’s said and done.”

The minor argument that immediately ensued brought Meve to a sudden conclusion; she considered that she wasn’t sure how, exactly, she could have missed the now very obvious reason for Gascon’s moodiness as she interrupted them:

“Gascon, we aren’t parting forever or even departing on a long journey to distant Kovir, only going home, which is a few days’ ride from here at most; you may visit us at any time you choose.”

Reynard glanced sharply at her and then adopted a distant frown. The Duke stared, apparently speechless for once; she looked back at him impassively until he said, “You spend far too much time with that sorceress; you’re acquiring a certain similarity of expression. Have you noticed it, Reynard?”

“No,” the knight said stiffly.

“Anyway,” Gascon continued, “I know all that, obviously, and, well, I’ll be honest: it does feel strangely isolated, out here by myself, after we all spent so much time together before; the two of you have each other, perhaps as a result you don’t feel the same - although don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for you both; no two people that I know suit each other better - but you’re right, it’s not as if I couldn’t make it to the capitol more often; it’s less simple for you to both drop everything and come all the way here, unless it’s with a good excuse like the tournament. I knew it’d work a charm.”

He ran out of breath on his final, slightly triumphant phrase and stopped; Reynard looked thoughtfully from Gascon to Meve, whose victorious smile had quickly faded to a stunned, slightly hurt stare.

“Perhaps,” he said carefully, “You might have said something about this earlier, instead of delaying and inventing plots, or been less cagey about it all week - in short, you could, generally, have handled this better, but,” he continued, a little louder as Meve opened her mouth to interrupt him, “We’ve all benefited, I think, from this - diversion, one way or another, so no lasting harm done.”

Meve mumbled something under her breath, frowning.

“The next time that you want to get together, however, you might find it convenient to just ask us, without any schemes to bring it about.”

“Yes, of course,” Gascon said, “You’re right. Should I apologize?”

“Not to me.”

Meve shook her head at him, but Gascon said, “I’m sorry, Meve. How do people usually apologize, at court? Flowers? A card? Or I could let Sir Reynard knock me off a horse, like he will Sir Holt?”

“No,” she said, “I can knock you off horses myself perfectly well.”

“I await your summons, then,” he said, venturing a hopeful grin, “Or I could send a fruit basket; we will soon be well-supplied with apples -”

“Look,” she said, finally cracking an amused smile despite herself, “It’s fine; I forgive you. Just - just don’t be such an ass, next time.”

“I will never be an ass again,” he announced, mouthed thank you to Reynard, bowed gallantly, and then prudently departed. Meve stared at the spot on the floor where he’d been standing for a long moment, then sighed, cracked her aching neck and sat in Reynard’s lap, frowning.

“That man is a disaster,” she remarked.

“Do you want me to fight him, too?” he asked; she ran her fingers through his hair and said, fondly, “No, thank you. I don’t think a knock on the head will be of much use, here; Gascon will have to sort himself out some other way, I’m afraid. If he can.”

“And what about you?”

“Me? Well, I’m all right, I suppose.”

Reynard looked up at her, frowning doubtfully.

“Really,” she claimed. “Gascon does have one thing right; having you around makes the more difficult days easier to get through.”

He looked less dubious; she grinned, kissed him, and added, “Although th’ effect might be in part a result of that hit I took in the melee; a knock on the head can solve one’s problems every so often, though not quite so often as it causes them.”

“A good thing your head is so hard, then,” he noted with a smile.

#thronebreaker #witcher #action #romance #sports

6 notes · View notes

darkestwolfx · 5 years ago

Text

Hyperspeed - Re-Review #51

So, Scott’s back! He’s obviously been making the most of that vacation time Virgil mentioned, or maybe sorting out things for Tracy Industries? Who knows, choose what you like, but he’s back in blue!

And it’s another high-speed, runaway train (of sorts). He get all the best jobs, doesn’t he?

And hello to you David Tennant (aka Tycho Reeves, billionaire inventor), thank you for joining us in this great episode of TAG looking very like yourself.

Is anyone else getting 10th Doctor vibes? All we need now are his 3D glasses and the look is complete. Really though, they even put him in blue!

So this is the Hypercar - it’s like the next addition to the monorail or the underground (evolved obviously, the underground is redundant by 2060). It’s even faster than FireFlash apparently. That’s saying something.

Now, let’s meet Gertie Bunson - the next annoying reporter to grace TAG with her presence. Really, let’s just stop writing in reporters hey? That’s an idea right there.

“An excited crowds awaits the arrival of the very first Hypercar, which should be here any minute now! Isn’t that right Tycho?”

“Less than a minute in fact. We’ll be pulling to Nightbridge Station in sixteen seconds. Hmm, that’s two seconds early.”

A whole two seconds? To most people, that would go completely unnoticed. Two minutes on the other hand, that we tend to notice. Two seconds? I’m not a clock watcher.

“Here they come now! This is where Tycho and his guest will be arriving- whoa! Wasn’t it supposed to stop?”

Well, if you hadn’t asked that, Gertie, we might never have guessed that was the intention - you know, always try and cover your mistakes.

And then - in very 10th Doctor fashion - Tycho starts rambling on (like all great scientists apparently do) about the size of bugs. Oh, but, did we mention they’re still speeding up? Oopps.

Time to make that call, I think.

John is clearly taking his turn for vacation time now as Grandma’s at the desk doing a spell of monitor duty. At least it keeps her out of the kitchen!

“If anybody can catch up to you it’s us!”

Yep! Now we get to see them try. Love high speed chases me.

“Boys, sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep with an early morning emergency, but these people need help.”

“Time to fly.”

“And I’ll try to work out what has gone wrong with this amazingly brilliant design!”

Sleepy? Wake up as quick as you like, Scott, but ideally before you pilot One, and ideally before the Hypercar crashes. Gosh, really, what has that boy been doing since ‘Long Haul’?

“Closing in on the Hypertube now. Any luck figuring out what’s gone wrong Brains? Brains?”

“Uh, I think your friend may be a tad... starstruck.”

A tad? Brains is literally frozen starting with blinky eyes.

“I’m your number one fan!”

“Well Brains, if you ever want to meet Tycho in person, we better to figure out how to stop his car.”

And then Brains does the sciency bit with a whole lot of praise thrown in. It’s like the opposite of an episode featuring Langstrom Fischler, no negative vibes here please.

“I’ll be able to rescue you after the hypercar makes a water landing.”

“No!

“Absolutely not! We’re travelling in a vacuum.”

“Hitting the atmosphere at mach eight would be like-”

“-slamming into a brick wall.”

Nice try, Scott, but it seems like you’re on delivery boy duty. I love Brains and Tycho finishing each other’s sentences.

I can’t believe this screenshot is like nowhere over the internet! Seriously Gertie being blown away by Thunderbird One’s landing due to her own stupidity is absolutely class entertainment.

“We’ve been told to evacuate the platform as Thunderbird One lands, but we’re not gonna miss a chance to bring you this thrilling live shot of- whoa! Let’s move back a bit shall we?”

It’s like Ned Cook (TOS) reincarnated. Or maybe he finally married, or had a sister we never knew about.

He looks so happy! Honestly though, I would too if I could have a friend like mini-MAX. I want one.

“If you check your sash, you’ll find a new tool of your own.”

“Thanks Brains, but what does it- Whoa!”

“Meet Mini-MAX.”

“Brains, you always surprise me.”

“Just one question. How do you expect your hypercar to catch up with Tycho’s?

“I don’t expect to catch them. I expect them to catch me.”

“I’ve begun to question the merits of this plan!”

You and me both Tycho. I know Scott lives for a bit of speed and danger but this is a new one.

“You must go faster Scott!”

“Kinda already knew that Brains.”

Tycho is a smart man. I would have strapped in as well.

“Good job! How did you make it go faster?”

“I’m not exactly sure.”

“I’ll try and figure out what you and Mini-MAX did. It may lead us to the problem.”

Now look at Mini-MAX holding on for dear life!

Good idea Brains! Let’s check in with Tycho and the others in their Hypercar, shall we?

“Bet you didn’t know you’d be getting a demonstration of our Collision Protection System, ey?”

“I feel like a balloon animal.”

Where as I saw this, and instantly my brain went;

It’s the Michelin Man!

No, seriously, it is, and he says hello;

And during these testing times, there’s something for everyone. You can join his lockdown running classes;

Or something steadier and calmer, like his yoga classes;

Feel the zen!

Or there’s even dancing classes!

P.S. Wait until we get to the end of the review, I swear this is where Brains gets his moves from. You’ll see, trust me. (And if you’re new to the Re-Review Series, my brains wonders a lot so... and if you’re not new to it, you should have expected to see this).

Right, back to impending doom;

“Tycho, so nice to finally meet you! Virtually at least.”

“Oh, impressive invention!”

It’s like Brains gets to achieve his dream meeting! That little mechanical hand is never getting washed.

Mini-MAX is great, really, I want one, but I’m with Scott here;

“Uh, guys, sorry to interrupt but uh, imminent doom?”

I called that!

“Right.”

“RAD.”

“Tycho’s design appears to be perfect. So the problem must have been a manufacturing error when the car was built.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing. If the throttle is working, one of the plasma plugs must have machined improperly.

“Oh no.”

“Ah, a couple of bad plasma plugs should be pretty easy to fix.”

You obviously weren’t listening to Brains crucial “oh no” there Scott.

“Fixing them is the easy part, but reaching them is next to impossible.”

“The plasma plug assembly can only be accessed from outside the car. Specifically, underneath it.”

“Got ya.”

I love Mini-MAX clipping Scott to the train. I would trust Mini-MAX over my own self any day.

“Looks like a fun place to hang out.”

What is it with Scott and ‘hanging’ out? This does not look like my idea of fun, thank you very much. I would like to keep myself upright, and maybe in one of those comfy seats feeling like a balloon animal. That sounds appealing whilst the world falls apart... if you need me, I’ll be waiting out with the collision protection system and the Michelin Man.

Joke, I’ll be here working and writing the Re-Reviews! I would now like a balloon animal though...

“Dropping even a single bolt would be catastrophic!”

“I don’t think that’s going to be hard to remember Brains!”

At least we’ve graduated from ‘Runaway’ where Brains insisted Scott take notes. That would be a little impossible here, after all. The notepad would be blown away!

Borrowed just a few of Virgil’s power tools there, did you Scott? Best return them all in once piece or he might ruin your portrait too. I know he got Tycho’s from the control station, but I couldn’t resist the chance to reference ‘Inferno’ here. Whist we’re on the note of references, here’s another ’Brink of Death’ (TOS) situation.

I love our contest winners;

“That was Grandpa. He loves to go fast.”

“I do!”

“And you don’t?”

“Honestly, we’re just lucky I have thrown up yet.”

I’m with Tycho this time. Oh seems appropriate. I love that we’re breaking stereotypes here (something TAG have done pretty well at in general). You don’t have to be young to love a bit of speed.

“I probably want to replace these one at a time then huh?”

“Yes, and very carefully.”

Oh, uh, what were you saying about remembering? First the drill nearly went down and then- wait, down goes the plasma plug!

“Nice catch!”

Mini-MAX to the rescue.

“One more twist and we’ll finally be able to slow- down!”

Or not. You just had to say it.

I think Brains should have got on the phone to EOS - she knows all about hacking high-speed methods of transportation.

“Why would the speed increase at random like that! If the controls aren’t making the car go faster, then the only way it could be accelerating is... oh no! Tycho, one of your formulas has a small error.”

“Impossible! My calculations were perfect.”

“I thought so too.”

“No! That should be metres per second squared! Oh how could I be so foolish!”

“Even genius’ make mistakes.”

There goes that Scott Tracy trait of forgiveness and acceptance again. I do love it when they show moments like this. Of all the brothers, Scott is the best at staying calm and talking to people, reassuring them that things aren’t always black and white. These scenes were always building towards something, and we’re going to see the real test in the next episode. To do a job like this you have to be selfless, but Scott is almost self-sacrificing (well, the whole family is in a sense), but remember with Kat, for example, Scott had no reason to stay, but he did. It’s just him, and this is an excellent follow through.

“Yes, but my mistake is going to destroy us all! There’s no way for us to stop.”

“Let’s just take a breath and slow down so we can think this through.”

“Slow down...”

“Yeah, that’s the idea.”

“No, slow down! We don’t have to stop the car we just need to be in a slower vehicle that won’t vaporize when it’s hits the atmosphere! Oh, you’re a genius! Right the vehicle will need to be fast enough to reach us with enough thrust to slow down in time.”

“Brains, we need Thunderbird Four inside the Hypertube ASAP. And put it in there backwards.”

The man with a plan is on a roll again!

Cut back to Gertie Bunson reporting again, and a nice little reconstruction on Thunderbird Four’s traditional launch sequence, because Thunderbird Four has arrived! A submersible out of water.

And now we go from Scott Photo Central to squid screen time!

“Um, are we sure this is a good idea?”

Maybe not Gordon, but let’s launch before anyone answers you.

“Bad idea!”

And then you can answer yourself! Great times.

“You’re losing speed, Gordon!”

“Don’t worry, Brains. If I can see it, I can catch it.”

You know, I am jealous of how good an aim every member of this family has. I am rubbish at catch.

“Welcome aboard.”

Gordon steadying Scott is like brilliant. We need more moments of these two for sure.

“It’s working. We’re slowing down.”

“But will it be enough?”

And there go the hypercars... exploding.

“Virgil, they’re loading into Thunderbird Four, get ready to show them a way out.”

“FAB.”

And because you’ve got to get a daily dose of Virgil in there;

“Let’s hope you guys make a slower, gentler exit.”

“Hey, I’m nothing if not gentle! Brace for impact!”

We’ll ignore the oxymoron there.

“We made it! We didn’t burn up!”

Yeah, just give away to the poor civilians that you weren’t expecting to survive, Gordon. That’s really reassuring.

“Did you guys have a plan for how to land this thing?”

It’s Gordon and Virgil, Scott. There’s always a plan. Even if it’s a little improvised or thrown together at the last minute.

“Um, kinda.”

Just another mid-air catch of Thunderbird Four, nothing special to see here, folks.

Who am I kidding? Bring in the applause! We’ve seen this move in ‘Extraction’ and ‘Clean Sweep’ and Virgil never gets it wrong. Takes talent.

“Everyone ok?”

“Can we do that again!”

“No thanks.”

Yeah, I’m with Tycho again. Just watching it made my head spin.

“Big thanks to International Rescue for saving our lives.”

“And for the thrill of a lifetime.”

Nice to get a thank you in there for once.

More high fives! Is there a gif set of the TAG high fives yet? Keep them coming I like them. Nice happy moments, high fives. Brains has basically just got his dream come true!

Of this I have no wordable description, and it looks like Grandma doesn’t either.

Do you see?

Look at Mini-MAX! He’s like a robot version of a dog. I really want one, and I’m sad we never see him again! Bye Mini-MAX!

“I did - finally - get you to London.”

“Thanks, but um... how are we getting back to Tokyo?”

“Oh... yes, uh... Scott?”

Yeah, just turn to our ideas man. He’ll always come up with something. It’s a little like TOS ‘Cry Wolf’ here, where Scott lets Tony and Bob ride in Thunderbird One. He’s a crowd pleaser, this one.

“Want to go for a ride?”

“Wow!”

“Oh um, that would be great I guess.”

“Now, tell me about those engines.”

That smile of Tycho’s as they walk to Thunderbird One - goodness I love how much is contained in that single expression.

Oh, but don’t forget Gertie! Desperately trying to get her scoop - very Ned Cook. Maybe she’s his daughter? I don’t think I entertained that possibility earlier...

“Scott Tracy, any chance we can get a quick interview?”

*Engines start... deliberately*

“You know what? Nevermind. Another time. Maybe.”

What gave it away that he didn’t want to talk to you?

This ending scene is one of my favourite, little sweet moments. After an epic rescue like that, this was needed.

Well, let’s look to Monday for the final episode of Series 2! I can’t believe we’ve already made it this far. We can tell something is coming though - the end credit music had a slight variant to it. The musical score in this series really was on point.

41 notes · View notes

popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

Text

Paul Dini’s Jingle Belle: The Mighty Elves (Comissoned by WeirdKev27)

Well well boys, we’re back to Jingle Belle with another kevmission, though per his request i’ll be getting back to Life and Times Of Scrooge McDuck at long last. I also have some other stuff planned and all that, but for now, let’s focus on everyones faviorite elfen hellion as we dive back into Paul Dini’s Jingle Belle.

I covered most of the behind the scene’s stuff last time so in short in case your just joining us, since this one’s got a bit more stuff to tag: Jingle Belle is an indie comic book character created by animation god Paul Dini, the daughter of Santa Claus and the Queen of Elves who acts like a standard rebellious teenager sterotype and causes trouble for her dad. Last time I touched on the character a good two days ago, we looked at her first appearance, where she sent her family to Family Therapy. At the time I’d ONLY read that story, and hadn’t gotten that far into Jing’s world just yet. As you probably guessed despite plugging a decent amount of time into re-reading the rest of Scott Pilgrim (shout out to my good friend Mike for the early christmas present), on digital and in color and into the Switch port of the first Fire Emblem, I still got 2/3 of the way through the omnibus Kev gifted me of almost all her stories up to 2018′s The Handmade’s Tale. Honestly not a lot has changed from the pilot.. while Jing’s designs changed a bit, she’s still more of a rebellious hellion, and while Santa’s no longer a slut shaming jackass, he’s still hard on her while her mom tries to keep the peace, The humor’s still edgy, if toned down enough to support returning whenever Dini felt like it but it’s largely the same for better or worse. Overall the stories haven’t been bad but have been a bit reptitive to read in one giant omnibus. This really is down to the format they were made in: These were one off stories spread months apart meant to be picked up off the shelf with no real ongoing stories or character development and only some slight worldbuilding here and there. In short not bad stuff, just clearly not built to be collected in a huge omnibus like it was and not the first comic collection i’ve encountered with this problem and definitely not the last.

That being said the stories are creative and still well put together. It is Paul Dini and he has wrote pretty much every story collected here with few exceptions, so it’s still good stuff, just as I said clearly not meant to be read all in one block like i’ve been doing. And today’s story happens to be one of my faviorites so far, breaking the formula up a bit by having Jing do something a bit diffrent and also involving hockey, a sport this story made me realized might actually intrest me on some level.. if in part due to letterkenny.

God bless those two handsome idiots. So let’s ice up or skates, get those letterkenny refrences at the ready and see what the Mighty Elves have to offer.

We start at Hockey Practice for Santa’s Hockey Team, The Elves, the kind of sentence that makes me really happy to type for money. Santa’s team is naturally for this kind of story and what the title references, are the last place in the bi-polar hockey league their in.. presumably ran by commissioner bi-polar bear.

youtube

Again, I really love this job and that i’m actually getting paid for this this go round. Anyway, Santa’s team isn’t all that agressive because.. well i’ts a team coached by Santa, why would they be? But Santa’s still proud of his boys... as for his girl on the otherhand he gets a call and we soon find out via mugshots Jing dragged her two friends, up from just one in previous stories, to an air force base, somehow got arrested for hitting on enlisted men, not a crime, and stealing and crashing a helicopter, very much a crime. Naturally Santa isn’t pleased, so we cut to a few days later where he’s letting her friends off making robo kitties, damn I want one of those now, while leaving Jing to do the packaging, though like most stern but fair dad’s he admits he dosen’t like punishing her and is right in saying there’s more to do with her summer vacation than you know, piss off the military. Santa needs his flight clerance dammit. Jing complains there isn’t much to do but feed the reindeer and make toys to which I say.. really santa? You haven’t set up anything else for your eleves to do? Making toys is their job. Build a fucking movie theater. And at the very least if not for them than for your bored and rebellious daughter to distract her from doing crimes. She’s still likely got a few hundred years of teenagering left, give her something else to do other than piss you off. Santa does have a least a little something: Hockey! Which Jing’s cousin Rusty has taken up. Rusty showed up in the first story but I kind of glossed over him, he’s basically Jing’s Dorky cousin she frequently abuses. Not really much more or less to him. Jing isn’t on board mostly because their team always looses, to the other teams: The Penguins, the Polar Bears, The Snow Leopards and the Eskimos because they don’t really have killer instinct, which yeah is kind of necessary for hockey. To her..

But during her rant she does show Santa she’s got genuine talent for the sport, so he makes her a deal: Do a little favor for him, and she’ll swap that for making toys.. it’s a deal.. one she soon regrets but hey.

Jing naturally makes an ass of herself pretty quickly beating the shit out of Rusty with her dad repremanding her and threatning to throw her off the team if she has another outburst like. That is until she runs into the Huskies Coach, Stan.

I mean i’ts a hairy old man who makes a side bet with Santa Claus despite it technically being against commission rules, might as well be. So Santa tells Jing screw it, as long as it’s the opposing team violence is a-okay. And naturally our first target is the world famous hockey player, aka snoopy aka a snoopy stand in. And being a big fan of peanuts i’m a sucker for a good peantus parody. Doubly so since Dini did his homework, and as I’d remembered and a quick google confirmed “The World Famous Hockey Player” was indeed one of snoopy’s many personas.

Not that it was much of a stretch: just about any time snoopy played a sport he was “the world famous X player”, but still it’s a nice little nod. Not so nice is Jing within seconds slamming him into the air and under a Zamboni and getting sent to the box for it naturally. So clearly she’s the shorsey of this team, all chirps and ultra violence.

youtube

Snoopy is thankfully still alive, if barely, though he’s off course been through much worse.

But while in the Box jing helps advise the team and a presumed combination of her beating the shit out of the other team’s best players and her team now not only having something to inspire them but a strategy means the Elves win for once! Santa and Jing share a hug, though Santa advises her not to go for his wallet, it’s still a sweet moment as she’s genuinely invested now. So we cut to..

Okay Hank Ribbon seal is genuinely one of the best things humanity has made but as for Quiki I just... wow that joke is mildly racist at worst, confusing and unfunny at best. I mean... it really just makes no sense on any level and that’s with me not knowing a lot about hockey, but knowing just enough to know Kathy Lee Gifford existed. Just.. what even was that? I know Paul can do better than this.. because as my first review outlined he wrote a LOTTTT of Tiny Tune Adventures including my favorite episode. He also wrote most of the best Joker episodes for BTAS, so it’s not like the guy CAN’T be funny.. so I have no idea how he could fail so hard with this. Just.. what is this. Who thought this was funny? what was the joke?

That.. utter bafflement aside, this newscast is used to push things ahead as the elves are on a winning streak, having also beaten the Polar Bears and the Penguins.. though weirdly we DON’T get a cameo by this guy despite having already had Snoopy show up.

That’s my boy. But yeah there’s only two teams left with this, the Eskimos and tonight’s matchup the Snow Leopards, aka snow catgirls lead by Tashi Ounce, who Jing met at the winter games last year and lost too and thus has a whole rivlary thing going. In a really nice moment Santa stops to make sure Jing is okay going into the game.

It’s part of why I REALLY like this story: Santa instead of just being disapointed in his daughter genuinely bonds over her over something and Jing shows she has a softer side to her. It’s some good character stuff, helps shake up the normal formula nicely. Back to the usual though she and Tashi naturally go at it, phrasing, and fight the whole damn time, with Belle eventually scoring the winning goal. Though noticably while Tashi is just as competiive as belle and lost this time.. she’s fine with it, knowing she’ll win next time and congradulating the opponent. But before she can leave the rink, Tashi is approached by a mysterious figure with an offer and we cut to said figure’s lair... it’s THE BLIZZARD WIZARD! dun dun dun!.... yeah I haven’t introduced him the Blizzard Wizard is.. well exactly what he sounds like, as well as the former ruler of the North Pole. He enslaved everyone there to do his bidding and was essentially, a butt till Santa showed up, united all the various animals and kicked his ass. Since then he’s been reduced to basically a rankin bass villian, lurking near bye and scheming to get petty revenge on Santa for it. So essentially....

Minus the tragic backstory. He offers them a deal: The championship cup for him defeating the elves. As he puts it the cup symbolizes hard work, respect and team work.. i.e the things their throwing out to get payback. Tashi wants none of it, but the blizzard wizard has his slush minons capture her and with the rest willing to sell out, he gets to work.

Bliz snows out the eskimos, and brings up accusations of Santa gambling, which he gets away from by.. having his wife donate the money real quick don’t ask just go. But he has a waiver signed by the other coaches so their playing his goons. But Jing isn’t phased and Santa asks her to give the lockeroom some inspiring words.

10/10 no notes. But naturally Bliz has a sneaky trick up his sleeves.. to win.. specifically a hot french canadian player which.. makes jing fall to pieces flirting with him and makes her entirely ineffective. Okay time out.... huh so this is the timeless void known only to zack morris, that girl from the reboot I haven’t watched, and Regis Filbin. But yeah while I wouldn’t expect Jing to slaughter the guy it feels out of character for all she’d do is to giggle like an idiot instead of making a move. She’s been established as forward and knowing what she wants. I’m not against her being distracted by this it’s just the how that feels off especially since the opening reinforces this. She hit on air force guys. She’s not going to just be giggly and awkward. Jing may not be the most complex charcter but she’s better than this. Aside from the baffling Kathy Lee Gifford gag, this is the only thing I really don’t like abotu the story, and it lasts two pages before it’s resolved and in a 22 or so page story, that’s a good chunk of it spent on something that isn’t funny and that’s out of character even within story. That being said it dosen’t drag the story down entirely, still a good story. Just a bit uneven is all.

But unsurprisingly Tashi escapes her earlier imprisonment offscreen to let Jing know not only the full extent of Bliz Whiz’s machenations, i.e. that the other coaches are in on it, but that the hockey player is really just one of Bliz’s minons uner a glamour. WIth that knowledge Jing asks why she’d help and Tashi shows her inner honor beneath the whole rival deal, pointing out she wants to win from a GOOD team next year. With the jig up Jing pulvirzes her former crush, claims to have been under a spell (no one byes it) and the elves clean house and win. Super fuckin shooter. As for Bliz Whiz he tries to steal the trophy but instead gets booted into the snow leopards box, phrasing... it doesn’t end well for him.

And yeah while he comes back eventually, some how, apparently, for most of the stories after this he’s just.. dead. He was killed and then his remains eaten. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

But Jing admits she had fun, she and her dad bond and we get one last gag as he assumes she learned not to showboat only for her to block everyone else in the team photo. Falalallal we’re out.

Final Thoughts: As I said, one of my faviorites. It’s really well paced, has a good premise and only one part drags at all and only that part and one gag really don’t land. The rest of it is really funny, nice and touching, and overall a nice shakeup from these stories usual pattern of “Jing getting into hyjinks”. While she DOES here, her and her dad are literally and figuartvely on the same team, and she does show a sweeter side genuinely bonding with her dad and it’s nice to see them actually enjoy each other’s company for once. It’s a nice change of pace and one I wish more of the stories had. I’m not saying they all have to be holly jolly but i’d be nice if more of them had a bit of heart to them is all. Tis the season and all that. Still for what it is, it’s a fun ride and I highly recommend it. We’ll probably see her again sometime this season but that’s a bit off. For now coming up I have some ducktales to tell, a chapter in a man’s life story that’s long overdue, a holiday mess I wish I didn’t have to clean up, and in the distant future.. an old friend to reconnect with. Until then if you liked this review reblog it, comment etc all that good stuff, and you can send me asks with suggestions fo ra review or direct message me, or ask for my discord, to comission a review yourself. Until then, happy holidays.

#jingle belle #paul dini #comics #comic reviews #santa claus #christmas #hockey #letterkenny #snoopy #opus #blizzard wizard #tashi ounce

5 notes · View notes

iheardarumorxxx · 4 years ago

Text

Midnight Sun, Chapter Ten - Theory

Alright, time to jump back in. Took a couple of days off, refreshed my brain, now I think I can handle more of this asshole.

instead of answering my demand

See that? See how Eddie just goes ahead and tells us that he’s being a demanding little shithead? More shades of that controlling tendency that he has all throughout the series, outright stated. This is literally the first sentence of the chapter, and he’s not even pretending to be subtle about it.

describe it so that she would understand.

Yes, because ‘I can read minds, but only if they’re relatively nearby, and it gets easier to pick out voices as I become familiar with them’ isn’t clear in the slightest. See that, Eddie? I just explained for you with 23 words, instead of going off on some dumbass tangent metaphorthat takes up an entire paragraph like you do here because you think that the human mind is so small and weak that it can’t possibly comprehend cut and dry explanations.

The fact that Eddie thinks he needs to explain things in analogy for Bella because she won’t get it if he doesn’t really goes against this supposed idea he has about her being smarter and so above the other pitiful hooman folk. Either she’s too human to understand like everyone else, or she’s smarter and more rational and would get it without the metaphor. Pick one, Eddie.

I will say, one thing that I took from the Twilight series that still sticks with me is the phrase ‘Holy crow’. I do, in fact, use it unironically. It’s absolutely stupid, but I like the way it flows off the tongue.

Anyway, Bella just shouted it because Eddie is bending the car to his vampire physics again and going 100MPH, which, I would like to point out, she would have absolutely realized before now if she wasn’t so blatantly unobservent. She would have felt it, it wouldn’t have taken looking at the spedomoter to realize it.

“We’re not going to crash.”

Eddie is absolutely certain of this fact, and I am too only because SM would never let anything like that happen to her little woobie vampire and her SI Mary Sue. However, let’s apply real world logic to this for a sec. Just a sec because this story can’t handle real world logic for too long, but. They are presumably on a highway, going 100MPH at let’s say 930 to 10ish PM. I’ve never lived in Washington, but I’m going to make the presumption that there probably isn’t too much traffic this late, though, perhaps a bit more if it’s a Friday or Saturday night. Perhaps Eddie can keep perfect control of his own car, even going that fast, while most likely paying little to no attention to the road because he is constantly looking over at Bella in the passenger seat. He has his mind-reading power, which he probably uses to help him drive, and maybe there isn’t another car directly behind him based on how fast he’s going.

He’s still not taking the other drivers on the road into account. What if the car in front of you that you are rapidly coming up on because you’re going so fast sees a turtle or a deer or some other kind of animal in the road and swerves to avoid it. Since this is real world logic, even if you see it coming with your mind reading power, you can’t make your car stop on a dime going 100MPH. You’re going to crash, and since you are going so fast, it’s gonna be a pretty nasty one. Your vampire body can handle that, because you’re a marble adonis god, but Bella over there is squishy and human. You slam those breaks, seatbelt aside, she’s gonna end up through the windshield or strangled to death by that seatbelt.

He’s assuming that his vampire magic strength and perfectness is gonna be enough to protect him from literally everything. It will, because this book is not realistic in the slightest, but he’s still a dick for not taking into account the other drivers on the road. And not taking into account the fact that Bella is clearly upset and terrified that he’s going so fast.

Two and a half paragraph rant over one line. Check.

Bella spills about how Jacob told her the old story about the Cullens being sparkley, evil vampires who aren’t allowed at La Push because the wolves will eat them. And I have to say, because this story is the entire basis for Bella knowing that Eddie and his ilk are vamps, how the hell does it take her so long to figure out that Jacob is a werewolf in New Moon? Like, I know it’s because she’s stupid, but since she’s supposed to be wise beyond her years and smart and shit, why did it not click that both sides of the story must be true.

Rant for a different book, but.

I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter a small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead.

This is it. This is the line I’ve been waiting for. I knew it was coming and it STILL pisses me off so damn much reading it. Do you see that? Do you see it? Eddie is talking about straight up genocide. He is literally talking about killing hundreds of people just because some teenage kid told an old folktale to a girl he thinks is cute to try and impress her. I would like to remind you of that line that Alice said earlier: “It helps if you think of them as people.” IT HELPS IF YOU THINK OF THEM AS PEOPLE, EDWARD!!! These people have done literally nothing to you! If you wanted to go, say, beat up Jacob Black for spilling your secret, that’s one thing (A terrible thing that is bullshit, even if Jacob gets a jerkass makeover in a few months) but you are literally la de fucking da over the idea of going down to the reservation and murdering every man, woman, and child there because of some bullshit technicality broken treaty. HOW THE FUCK DOES ANYONE THINK THIS GUY IS THE HERO? HOW DOES ANYTHING SEE HIM AS A GOOD LOVE INTEREST? HOW IS HE A PROTAGONIST? HE’S A FUCKING MURDERER, PLAIN AND SIMPLE SPELLED OUT RIGHT THE FUCK THERE! It was spelled out pretty damn well in that first classroom scene, but here we are reinforcing it, and this is the guy that SM said she was willing to leave her husband for. THIS GUY.

I hate it. I hate him. I’m not a happy camper.

And I’m gonna move on before I burst a blood vessel from how mad it makes me.

Bella goes on to tell Eddie that she flirted the story out of Jacob, and that she doesn’t care. He replies with “HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE! I’M A MONSTAH!” and she just shrugs and pops her gum. Eddie is just absolutely shocked by this because how could she not care? He even wonders if there’s something wrong with her. The answer is yes, she’s clearly a hybristophile, but that’s beside the point.

The ‘how old are you’ ‘17′ ‘how long have you been 17′ ‘a while’ exchange is actually kind of cute, on it’s own. Had it been in a better book, it might have made me smile a little. But in Twilight it just felt like forced comedy, and here with Eddie being all Emo about being a monstah and also being condescending and clearly angry about Bella knowing his secret, it comes off a lot darker in tone. It could have come off as a playful exchange between people getting to know one another, and instead, it’s a darker tone and it’s almost uncomfortable. The movie had this problem, too, where they made it all dark and angsty instead of just being a cute little exchange that it should have been.

“I can’t sleep.”

This is more of that thrown away world building that SM does. First it was the Vampires never Change thing and now the can’t sleep thing. It could have been so fascinating to explore what not being able to sleep does to the psyche of these Pires. How different vampires get used to that sensation over different periods of time. Did it unsettle Eddie at first when he was turned and just couldn’t sleep anymore? Was Jasper already a night owl who barely slept, so it wasn’t much of a change for him anyway? What do they do to fill their time? If their hobbies and interests never change, it seems like they wouldn’t be using all that newly acquired time to learn new skills and hobbies, even if that particular ‘never change’ plot point isn’t explored either and never actually seems relevant to them. Has a Pire ever tried to sleep anyway? Just lay down and closed their eyes and waited for eight hours to pass, hoping they would drift off? This is interesting lore. It’s something that could have given depth to the vampires instead of being a throwaway plot point so Eddie could watch Bella sleep at night. I’m disappointed. I want a good idea to actually be used well.

Edward calls Bella observant and to that I can only say ‘Ha.’

Eddie finally realizes that Bella has the hots for him too and it’s so UWU and trite, but he has to go and bring up that stupid Hades and Persephone metaphor again and piss me off in the process.

The get to Bella’s house and take forever with their goodbyes, and right at the end Eddie goes on about how he’s got this new hunger in him just looking at Bella and feeling how warm she is and shit and it’s just him being horny again, but nothing happens and Bella heads inside. But don’t worry, Eddie assures us that he’ll be in his usual perch in the rocking chair later that night to stalk her and watch her sleep, so everything is well.

She couldn’t love me the way I loved her

GET IT? BECAUSE VAMPIRES ARE BETTER THAN YOU(tm) AT EVERYTHING INCLUDING HOW HARD THEY LOVE? Seriously, so damn sick of this idea that the vampires in this universe just do everything and see everything and smell everything and feel everything just so much more intensely than the pitiful hoomans. I still have a rant about it. It’s still coming. Don’t worry.

A casual throwaway mention of the Voltouri here, AKA the vampire Mafia that make and enforce the rules. They don’t actually matter or have any real power in this series, and they suck, but nice little nod to the audience as a reminder that there is supposed to be a governing body in the vampire world.

Carlisie and Eddie boy are off to take care of the rapist who almost got Bella, and the entire fucking drive, Carlisle is just sitting there thinking about how wonderful Eddie is and how he deserves happiness and it’s such bullshit for him to be thinking that way when he KNOWS that Eddie can read his thoughts. He’s literally just showering him in compliments for the sake of it just so that Eddie can hear them and puff up his ego. I don’t buy that it’s just passive thoughts. He wants Eddie to hear them.

We all know who Carlisle and Esme’s favorite child is.

We end the chapter with Eddie going back to Bella’s house to watch her sleep, deciding to take it upon himself to wander around her house uninvited, and the rambling on about how Bella clearly doesn’t have a guardian angel because she crossed his path and no guardian angel would allow that. Then he makes some crack about being her guardian vampire, talks about how, oh, it’s actually a good thing that he took it upon himself to break into her house to watch her sleep because he got her another blanket because she seemed cold, and smiles to himself when she mumbles his name in her sleep.

That’s it, chapter done, I’m tired. I’m gonna try to crank out another one (maybe two) tonight, but no promises because this one really took a lot out of me. These characters just suck. Anyway, as always, feel free to message me or DM me to talk about the book, recommend future projects, etc. And you can always buy me a snack using the CashApp tag in my bio. Until next chapter, good damn bye.

#sierra recaps stuff #midnight sun #midnight sun spoilers #twilight #ms chapter 10

8 notes · View notes

horribella-monster · 4 years ago

Text

A Walk in the Woods

“Look, if you draw a two thousand-mile-long line across the United States at any angle, it’s going to pass through nine murder victims.”

― Bill Bryson, A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail

Cautions: Language/Gore

Rating Adultish

Do not copy to other sites without permission.

Branch and bramble tugged at her body as she plowed through the undergrowth of the forest. Hands frantic with terror pulled away at the gnarled vines as she continued her desperate race to find safety. She crashed through another dark wall of twisted twig and bough then fell forward on to the detritus of forest floor. Thorns, leaves, and decaying matter adhered to her skinned hands and knees.

For a moment, she dropped her chin to her chest and fought to slow her panicked gasps. Her disheveled hair pulled loose from her sagging ponytail and plastered to the smudged dirt and in her mouth. She grabbed the hair and spat it out. The strong desire to just collapse there and surrender to whatever fate the forest decided warred with her simmering anger fueled will to survive and kill her therapist.

The crashing sound of her nearing pursuer startled her into action. She crawled to the nearest tree and pulled herself up on the twisted moss-covered trunk. She took a deep breath and inhaled the moist earth tinted air. For an alarming minute, her vision tunneled, and the sounds of the forest took on the muted quality foreshadowing an imminent collapse. Her world stretched and then snapped back into terrifying focus as she gritted her teeth and willed herself forward.

Pushing herself back into motion, a mantra reverberating through her head. “I will not die here. This will not beat me. I am going to kill my fucking therapist. Face your fucking fear. What a stupid fucking idea! I will NOT die here. This will not beat me-“

Her foot met air and her arms flailed wildly as she sought to recover her lost balance. Momentarily, her foot found a purchase as she tried to slow her fall and began to slide down the steep ravine. Her slide quickly became a tumble. She pinballed down the hillside, bouncing over the bumps and into obstacles. Her perception a blurry whirl of leaves, rocks, pebbles, and the decomposing stuffs of trees and weeds.

Thud into Rock. Tree. Rock. Rock. Bump. Branch. Log. Then air, as she flew over a ridge. The following impact with the ground drove the air from her lung as she bounced finally into a weathered tree.

The last jolt left her huddled trying to catch her breath. She curled around her throbbing ribs and felt the symphony of discordant body aches and pain swelling into a crescendo threatening to overwhelm her senses.

The ever-present heavy thudding footfalls and splintering forestscape in the wake of the thing of tooth and claw that had chased her, focused her senses. She had no idea what the thing was. Maybe a bear. In her encounter with it, she had the sense of something huge. It lumbered up and stood in the shadows behind her. With a roar the thing had swept out a massive claw slashing her backpack off. She tumbled and rolled up, sprinting away into this awful, awful forest. This thicket with its tall dark trees reaching upward to smother out the sky, the looming branches dipping, swaying and grabbing to rend and tear her away. The dark foliage hiding monsters and terrifying animals – Stop. She had to not think about anything but running.

She wobbled to her feet. Swaying dangerously, she took a step and focused just on moving. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front-

Her one foot in front slid into a hole and her arms cartwheeled again trying to regain her precarious balance. The moment froze in time as she felt her balance give way and prepared for another bone jarring slam into the ground. Instead it was cold, scummy water rushing into her mouth and swallowing her whole. The taste of algae filled her mouth as she came up sputtering, coughing in a slow-moving pooling stream. Really, more of a water filled ditch. A ditch just in the place to soak her head to toe.

If she could have summoned the extra breath, she would have screamed. All she could do was grind her teeth and shiver as she clambered up the bank. When she pulled herself from the water, she smacked her fist down on the packed dirt with an inarticulate cry. That bitch of a therapist was so dead, she was going to take an ice pick and shove it so far-

Her tirade came to screeching halt when, she really looked at the packed dirt. Holy shit! She was on a trail. It was well worn and easy to see even in the dim light. Any sign of civilization was like a neon sign from God, finally her luck was turning for the better. She began a running limp along the trail putting distance between her and the menacing thing looking to make her a snack.

If she hadn’t had a fear of the forest before, she sure as shit had one now. Especially this dark, cold, and phobia inducing forest complete with a terrifying carnivorous predator. Supposedly, seeing what was in the forest was not supposed to be as bad as what she imagined. Well that was bullshit, because this forest was hiding that… whatever it was with too many teeth and huge claws. Not in one of her fear induced anxiety had she ever imagined that.

Her therapist said she should read Thoreau, and that like her other advice was bullshit. He was too in love with his own words and the tamed woods. The Bill Bryson guy had it more correct. Woods were creepy and full of death inducing insects, diseases, and animals. Her therapist was not amused by her choice of reading and pointed out that Bryson comes down firmly on the side of nature. She told her therapist; he was a sell out to big wood and then giggled helplessly through the rest of the session. Looking back, it made sense that her therapist sent her out to the woods, she was a terrible patient.

Her pace slowed and she leaned against a misshapen trunk to rest and listen. She hadn’t heard the thing since she climbed out of the thick water of the ditch and needed to catch her breath. Her heart pounding loudly in her ears, only the creepy sound of falling branches and whispering wind seeped past it. With deep calming breaths, her heart slowed, and she really listened. There weren’t any animal sounds and only a few insects. It was like the forest ate everything that came within it. She shook the thought out of her head. Seriously, not helping yourself here. As her heart slowed, a far-off sound caught her attention. The tinny sound of music. A radio! Fuck yes!

She took off down the trail toward the sound. Visions of warmth, safety, and alcohol danced in her head adding buoyance and speed to her steps. Still wet, bleeding from various scratches and the pain her ribs pounded in time to her steps, she literally wasn’t out of the woods yet, but there was light at the end of the tunnel as the music grew louder and a generator’s chugging joined the chorus. Then there was smoke. She hoped they were burning this rotten place to the ground. Screw you, trees.

Shouting as she burst into the clearing, she immediately stopped. There was a fire, a tent, and the tell-tale smell of ammonia. Two men armed with rifles stepped out of the large tent and the smell of ammonia became overwhelming.

Her heart sank. Here were some of Bryson’s “armed, genetically challenged fellows” maybe even as he put it, “loony hillbillies destabilized by gross quantities of impure corn liquor and generations of profoundly unbiblical sex” except they weren’t brewing alcohol, but cooking meth in the middle of Snow White’s fucking haunted woods. She just knew she was going to be on a podcast about missing people or to support the adage of “don’t go into the forest”.

The cocking of the rifles pinpointed her focus on the Walter White wannabes and she tried to summon a friendly face. Considering the state of her clothes, hair, and bleeding, she supposed that she looked more like the after picture for noob goes to the woods, which was remarkable accurate. She raised her hands. “Hi.”

One of the men spit a glob of black-brown goo at the fire and stepped forward. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m lost. I mean I have no idea where I am except in an awful forest. I just want to leave. Can you-“ She stopped as the other man stepped forward and leered.

“You look lost.” Meth cook number one, the spitter, said.

“I am.”

“I’ll help ya.” Meth cook number two, the leerer, laughed as he grabbed his crotch.

“How’d ya find us?” Meth number one asked.

“I just told you, I didn’t. I’m lost.”

“How’d you get lost?” Meth number two asked. “Were ya lookin’ fer love in all the wrong places?”

First Meth guy glared at second Meth guy, “Shut it. Go back to work. I’ll handle this.”

“But Cletus-“

“Bubba, now or I will shoot ya. Ya know I will.”

Bubba, and didn’t that just totally fit, huffed and sulked as he shuffled back to the tent, scratching his ass as he walked. Leaving just Meth guy number one, aka Cletus.

“I don’t believe you. How’d ya get lost?”

She tried hard not to roll her eyes. “I guess the usual way. I knew where I was then I didn’t. Lost.” She said trying to give sincere smile, but from Cletus’ reaction it came off as a smirk. This is exactly why her therapist hated her. No one likes a smartass.

“You think this is some joke girlie? You think I won’t shoot yer ass and drop it back in that stream? Cuz I will. Yer in a world of trouble here.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. Kind of the story of the day. You know?”

“Ain’t nuthin personal. Yer jus’ real unlucky. We can’t have ya going back and telling them where we are.” He put the rifle up to his shoulder.

Fear made her words breathlessly and spill out with ever increasing speed and volume, “I’m lost! I literally have no idea where I am much less you! For fuck sake, what about lost do you not understand!”

Cletus frowned. “Ya ought’n ta curse. I think ya ain’t lost. Ya came up that path,” he gestured behind the tent, “from the road.”

“I came from that way.” She pointed behind her. “Do you think I used my obviously awesome forest skills to stealthily come up here and oh by the way jump into the disgusting stream and threw myself down a hill before that to complete the look?”

Cletus chewed on something as he lowered the rifle. He looked like he was trying to work out what was just said to him for a minute. The hamster that ran the wheel in his brain must be out of shape because he gave up and shrugged. “Yep.”

So not so much Walter White wannabes, but Jed Clampett’s much stupider inbred cousins. Inbred insane cousins armed and ready to shoot. “Please, come on. I lost my backpack, I don’t have money or a mobile – but … if you take me to a phone and I can get some money. Please!”

Cletus placed the rifle butt against his shoulder again. “Sorry, can’t take a chance. ‘Sides I’m doin’ you a favor. Bubba, he ain’t right.”

“Wait-Wait… don’t!” She started to move back when she noticed Cletus’ mouth dropped open. Then the fetid breath from behind her, blew her loose hair and the smell hit her. The overpowering stench of rot and filth wafted over her as a guttural growl vibrated her back. She closed her eyes and turned slowly.

When she opened them, she saw it. Its massive maw opened, and thick saliva sluiced through huge yellow teeth. It was almost on top of her. Its heavy breath blew her hair again and then Bubba walked out of the tent.

“I don’t know why I have- What the hell is that!” He yelled and the stilled tableau burst into motion.

The creature roared. She dropped to her knees. Cletus fired. Bubba fired. The creature charged over her into Cletus, its bite taking off the right side of Cletus’ upper torso. He screamed. Bubba screamed as the geyser of Cletus’ blood covered him and dripped from the creature’s jaw. Bubba literally lost his shit and fired until the rifle just clicked. She rolled to her feet and took off running for the back of the tent and the path. She heard Bubba scream and fade into incoherent whimpering interrupted by the nauseating sound of chewing.

It was not a bear. She had no idea what it was, but some crazy cryptozoologist could figure that shit out. All she knew was she didn’t want to end up in its gut and she had to run. She was sure that it had expended a lot of energy chasing her and didn’t think that the meth boy appetizers were going to sate it.

She ran for about a minute and then heard the muffled sound of an explosion as the volatile chemicals in the meth lab blew up. She stopped and look back at the fireball rising from the forest. Good. Burn baby, burn. Then turned and ran. Her luck was nowhere good enough to suppose that the thing was dead.

The forest was darker after the bright explosion of light and the imminent setting of the sun. But the deep dark forest didn’t bother her now. The crashing of branches and the heavy footfall behind her was her real concern. Where was that fucking road!

The path narrowed and meandered between huge trees and small saplings. She hoped that the narrow path would slow it down some but knew just like all prey does that it wouldn’t make that much difference. She had to get to the road. Cletus and Bubba were too overweight for it to be too far.

Then it appeared in front of her. A two-lane black top. An empty two-lane black top. A dilapidated pick up truck, rusted through in several parts of the body was on the side of the road. She didn’t pause to try and get in.

She sprinted up the middle of the road away from the path. She was running uphill and already down into the valley of the next when she realized she could have hid in the truck. Too late, she was committed to running and she was so close. If only one car would show up. Please just one damn car. She nearly tripped over roadkill going up the next hill. and looked over her shoulder. She didn’t see it, but she didn’t pause. It was somewhere close. She knew it like she knew that she couldn’t stop running.

As she topped the next hill, she put on a burst of speed. The road flattened and curved off to the right. She made the curve and froze. There were bright headlights and the screeching of tires as an eighteen-wheeler bore down on here. She understood the deer’s point of view as her brain screamed move and her body just wouldn’t. It was almost on top of her when she moved. The upside, it was committed to stopping, the downside this was going to hurt.

The impact drove her breath out her body and added road rash to the list of her body’s grievances. She curled in on herself for a moment as the acrid smoke from the tires billowed around her.

She heard the semi’s door opened and footsteps headed her direction. She started moving slowly crawling up to her hands and knees, her head dropped to her chest, as the truck driver spoke, “Shit, shit! Are you okay? What were you – Good God All Mighty what the hell is that?”

Adrenalin jerked her head and her body into motion, “Get in the truck. Hurry up, go!” She ran to him and pushed him toward the door. “Stop staring and move! Jackass MOVE!”

The trucker jerked at her profanity and ran away from the lumbering figure moving out of the woods.

She sprang inside the truck and urged him on. “Please come on, come on!”

He climbed in with the speed that only terror can instill in someone. He shoved her over to the other side and slammed the door as claws raked the metal.

There was a bang as the creature rammed its body into the door and then there was a roar and a crack. The window was cracking as the cab of the truck shook.

The driver needed no more prompting and threw the truck into gear. He gave it gas and the tires screeched again as he accelerated. There was another bump and an accompanying roar as the tires ran over part of the creature and she smiled.

“D-Did you see that? What was it?”

She shook her head slowly, “I don’t know. Something with lots of teeth and a never give up attitude. So, you might want to floor it.”

Nodding, he pressed harder on the accelerate and shifted up. “We got to call someone.”

She nodded, “Sure. Tell them about the bear.”

“Bear? Ma-am that weren’t no bear. It was.. was-“

“A bear. Unless you want to tell them that some pebbly hided creature that was a cross between razorback feral hog, bear, and Creature from the Black Lagoon took a bite out of your truck. Then I hope you have real good insurance, because you’ll be drug tested and psych ward bound.”

“Right, bear. What about that smoke there?”

She looked at the smoke rising above the forest as they passed the meth cooker’s pick-up truck. “It tried to eat a Meth Lab after eating the Meth guys.”

He shot a disbelieving look and she shrugged, “It’s been a day.”

Patty, 10/16/2020

#fiction #original characters #Rated R #language #gore #fandom: Original #do not copy

3 notes · View notes

7-wonders · 6 years ago

Text

M A S T E R L I S T

*denotes smut

+denotes completed series

Updated 10/23/20

Michael Langdon

Series

+As Above, So Below--Your average, mundane life as a college student is flipped upside down when the man you thought you knew as your next-door neighbor turns out to be the God of the dead. When Michael lures you down to Hell, everything that you thought you knew about the world is proven wrong.

+Shatter--Your coven is at war with the Antichrist, who has sworn to bring about the total destruction of the world. The only problem is that your mortal enemy just happens to be your boyfriend, Michael Langdon. After the coven decides that your relationship can't stand, Michael takes action.

Mad Love--A normal evening of studying quickly goes wrong when you’re kidnapped. Things somehow manage to take a turn for the worse when you find out why: to be the bride of the Antichrist

Oneshots

And God Made Eve to Bear the Curse (vampire!Michael)*--Michael wants one thing, and one thing only–to drink from the oasis between your thighs.

Chord Progressions--In the post-apocalyptic world, you find music to be the only thing that makes living in an underground bunker with a bunch of spoiled rich people tolerable. The time finally comes for your interview with the mysterious Cooperative member, Langdon. Will you find your way to salvation? Or will there be more questions than answers?

Bathe Me In Blood*--After your numerous questions, Michael invites you to observe as he conducts one of his rituals. The turn that it takes is a welcome surprise for both parties.

Late-Night Reading--Your new friend Michael (aka the Antichrist) asks you to read to him one night after he has a nightmare.

Ride It Out--The end of the world is terrifying, even when you’re the Antichrist’s lover.

Driver’s Ed--Michael really wants to learn how to drive a car.

A Sanctuary Within the Sanctuary--The end of the world is more difficult to deal with than you had anticipated. Michael, appreciative of how you’ve stuck by him, decides to show you his thanks.

Practice Makes Perfect*--Michael wants a baby. You want a baby.

In the Clouds*--After a heated argument leads Michael to show you who’s in charge, you float off into the clouds.

Baby Love--You find out you’re pregnant, and now comes the hard part: Surprising Michael.

Sacrificial Lambs--What you thought was just going to be an event to meet the members of Michael’s Satanic church turns into a ritual sacrifice, followed by your unofficial ‘dark’ baptism. As any normal person, you don’t take the murders of two innocent people well.

Hurt--After an intense fight, Michael inadvertently causes what he does best: Hurt.

Sweet as Cyanide--Michael makes his final decisions for the Sanctuary, and leaves you with a cryptic warning about the upcoming Halloween party.

Without a Word--You’ve always been the light to Michael’s dark, the one who makes everyone smile instead of the one who scares people with a mere glance. Michael has never seen the clouds that lurk inside of you, threatening to spill over and ruin your carefully-constructed image.

Twilight, Eat Your Heart Out (vampire!Michael)--Pondering your own mortality is never a good long-term solution, especially when you have to compare it to the immortal vampire you’ve found yourself entangled in a relationship with.

Family Man--Michael brings his family along to the last Outpost after realizing that he’s not willing to sacrifice his loved ones for his father’s plan.

Lost In the Shadows--As a naturally curious person, the odd mannerisms of your elusive new boss pique your interest, making you determined to figure out who, or what, he is.

Thinking of Sin (CAOS!au)*--Michael, having fully embraced his title as Antichrist and heir to the throne of Hell, invites you to join him as his father’s church, the Church of Night, celebrates one of their most sacred holidays: Lupercalia, the festival of passion.

Creature of the Night (vampire!Michael)*--Michael indulges one of your secret fantasies on Halloween.

Heaven & Hell Were Words to Me*--A surprise takes a turn that should be sickening, but instead only serves to draw you even further into the web that Michael has woven.

Labyrinth King!Michael headcanons

Vampire Michael Musings

The Thrill of the Chase--Your path once again crosses with Michael’s, this time under much more dire circumstances. Life and death, specifically yours, has suddenly never been more prevalent in your mind.

Marry the Night--Outpost 3 has never been quiet. When you awake and find that, for the first time in months, there’s nothing but silence, you’re determined to get to the bottom of it. Soon, you’ll wish that you had stayed in bed.

Warm and Real and Bright--A Tangled!AU, with Michael as a dark Flynn Rider and reader as Rapunzel.

Duncan Shepherd

Series

Love Me Now+--Meeting Duncan’s family for the first time, you’re faced with the glaringly obvious facts: You don’t belong.

Part One | Part Two

Memento Mori--When being in the wrong place at the wrong time lands (Y/N) in the blood-stained hands of D.C.’s most notorious crime boss, Duncan Shepherd, she finds herself unexpectedly in his debt. Perhaps owing the dangerous man a favor would be more torturous if he weren’t so engaging.

Beauty and the Beast!Duncan Shepherd AU

Wilted Roses Smell Just as Sweet--How Duncan came to become the monster that he is when he and reader’s paths cross.

This Place of Wrath and Tears--Jim is missing, and nothing can prepare you for what you stumble upon in your quest to find him.

A Gentleman’s Guide to Wooing Your Prisoner--You begin to resign yourself to life in a prison cell, when things somehow manage to become even stranger. Alternately, Duncan deals with his staff and fellow prisoners having hope for the first time since the curse was placed on his home and everyone in it.

This Cruel Trick of Fate--A quick blurb from Duncan’s POV.

Down the Rabbit Hole--You make a decision about your stay at the enchanted manor, but at what cost?

Oneshots

Gala Blues*--At a political gala, you’re ridiculed and objectified by some of Duncan’s colleagues. A fight ensues between you and Duncan, continuing to a standoff that can only end in one way.

Kiss Me Through the Phone--The Republican jerk who follows you on Twitter turns out to actually be kind of nice. You’re more than content with him just being an internet acquaintance, but plans change when it turns out that he’s going to be attending the same event tonight as you.

Come Out and Play*--Your boyfriend, Duncan, has a few tricks up his sleeve to help you relax after the stressful day you had.

From the Desk Of...*--The mandatory class you’re forced to take this semester is enough to make you consider dropping out of college. The only thing that makes it bearable is your teacher: Professor Duncan Shepherd. He’s smart, handsome, witty, and, not to mention, twenty years your senior.

Like an Animal* (werewolf!Duncan)--Duncan finds himself in big trouble when he gets trapped in an elevator with you the night before his shift and in the midst of his heat. (Werewolf!Duncan Shepherd)

Service With a Scribble--Duncan’s a dick to a cashier, and (Y/N) decides to get back at him with a healthy dose of kindness.

Violent Delights* (incubus!Duncan)--Accidentally summoning a seductive incubus leaves you between a rock and a hard place, but do you really want out of this as much as you claim?

As the World Falls Down--You’ve stood by Duncan through thick and thin, but when the true intention of the app he’s been developing is revealed, everything crashes down around you.

Inside Out--After one too many instances of Duncan being the token stuck-up rich guy, you’re ready to show him how the rest of America lives by taking him through a day in your life.

All the Time In the World--Life has thrown you a few curveballs lately. Between absolute chaos wreaking havoc at your job, being too busy to sleep and your schedule not meshing with Duncan’s, you’re stressed beyond measure. So stressed, in fact, that you don’t notice you miss your period until you’re two weeks late.

Duncan Shepherd NSFW Alphabet*

Jim Mason

Oneshots

Kiss of Fire*--You only want what’s best for Jim, and that includes staying clean of drugs. Jim, who’s been bottling up his true feelings for so long, finally snaps after he finds out you flushed his stash.

Half of My Heart--Jim was supposed to be better now. After his psychotic break, you and Medina had made sure that it was impossible for him to slip back into his old habits. But the morning comes, and so does the realization that he’s been lying to both of you.

Xavier Plympton

Truth or Dare--A oneshot of Xavier being dared to play Seven Minutes in Heaven, and you’re the one that the group chooses to go with him.

Still Lovin’ You--You’re smoking weed with Xavier in the back of the infamous Vanta-C when things get a little steamy.

Shot Through the Heart--Being a ghost, you could handle. Your boyfriend killing people? Not so much.

Welcome Home (Sanitarium)--After two years, Xavier returns to the spot where he nearly lost his life...and where you did.

Cum On Feel the Noize*--Xavier has ideas on how to spice up your boring shift.

#masterlist #michael langdon #michael langdon imagine #michael langdon imagines #michael langdon x reader #Michael Langdon x you #duncan shepherd #Duncan Shepherd imagine #Duncan Shepherd x reader #jim mason #Jim Mason imagine #Jim Mason x reader #xavier plympton #xavier plympton imagine #xavier plympton x reader

1K notes · View notes

orcinusorca1617 · 5 years ago

Text

Favorite Star Wars Fics

REBELCAPTAIN

Floating, Sinking shuofthewind

Somewhere in her is the sinking feeling that they weren't supposed to survive.

[In which they all live, in a manner of speaking, and they keep going, in spite of the odds.]

[Post-Rogue One. Runs through A New Hope. Eventual Rebelcaptain.]

whetstone shuofthewind

They're finished with their first mission. Now it's just the matter of downtime.

[Part of the floating, sinking universe. Mostly just fluff.]

Restless jenniferjun1per

Jyn needs to sleep, but she can't seem to get comfortable.

You Still Are leralynne

The scar zigzags down her side, puckered white along the ridges of her ribs. Cassian’s fingers still the first time they brush over it. With her head on his chest, she can feel his intake of breath.

A Long Pause leralynne

“Be quiet!” Jyn hisses. “I hear something!” Cassian stills. And then slowly, very slowly, he lifts his lips from Jyn’s collarbone.

slowly, and then all at once caramelle

It's probably sheer stubbornness, Cassian thinks wryly.

Even so, it doesn't mean he's just going to leave her like that.

Or, the one where Jyn has a habit of falling asleep around the apartment, and Cassian develops a habit of carrying her back to bed, because he's a Gentleman, and a Good Friend.

There For You guineapiggie

They reach Yavin IV and Jyn has every intention to lock herself in the room they've given her and not come out ever again. However, someone strongly disagrees with that plan.

flight lessons ignitesthestars

“One hundred percent of the crashes I have experienced involved you, Jyn Erso.” K2 informs her pleasantly. “Given that no other flight experience I've been involved in has experienced an abrupt descent, I can only conclude that you - oh. You're bleeding.

Or, Jyn is slightly impaled and Cassian sees to her wound. Emotions are had.

Won't You Let Us Wander (series) angel_deux

Cassian came back for her. Again and again. After Scarif, that complicates things for Jyn, who's used to running | 13 part series.

Cuddling for Warmth leralynne

“Jyn is shivering,” K2 observes, with the kind of bland indifference only possible when one is a droid incapable of experiencing just how goddamn freezing this planet is.

Bloody Little Worms Kobo

Jyn Erso is accustomed to being jolted awake. Saw Gerrera shaking her awake at every hour of the night, keeping her on her toes; the rough shift from hyperspace to realspace rattling the frame of a ship; Imperial guards smacking their batons against iron bars; nightmares, images of her father’s last breath or the echoing smack of Cassian’s back against steel bars: Jyn is accustomed to those.

A white hot grip on her lungs? This marks the first time she’s awoken to that.

Closer muggleindenial28

"They don’t speak on the way down.

They don’t acknowledge the distant shrill screams of TIE Fighters and X-Wings outside.

They don’t think about how they’re not going to get out in time."

They make it off Scarif, but not without scars.

like real people do mollivanders

“I have an idea,” she says, mind whirling as she steps towards the room. “We need a reason to be here like this.” He follows close behind her and she can practically feel the tension washing over him. In contrast, the plan forming in her mind has provided her with a calm clarity. He closes the door behind them before she props it ajar/

They need to be caught.

Beach House lyresandlasers

“Never say I don’t support you,” Jyn lifted his head into her lap, cradled in crossed legs.

cover me, i'll cover you mollivanders

“Are you hurt?” he asks blindly, reaching for her only to snatch his fingers back as she lurches away. He forgets she’s like a feral animal when she’s injured, used to being the only person having her back. “Let me see,” he says, trying to force authority and calm into his voice, both to reassure her and take control of the situation.

Inside, he’s anything but.

I hear the revolution rebsrising

The babble sounds through the baby monitor, soft and quiet, but enough to wake two well-trained soldiers still adjusting to the safety of peace.

Bodhi's Perspective rebsrising

It’s a simple scene - and that’s what strikes Bodhi the most. They kiss like they’re going to do it everyday for the rest of their lives. And he hopes, not for the first time, that they have the chance.

We Can Turn Over and Start Again kyrdwyn

After Scarif, Jyn starts over, with a new mission, and an unexpected friend.

Fifteen Days clashofqueens

It's hard to hold on to a happy ending during a war, and in the final days of the Rebellion, Jyn might lose hers.

Lay Down My Shields katsumi

Jyn comes down with a strange reaction to a foreign plant, but it doesn't seem like a big enough deal to bother anyone with. That is, until she faints in the middle of the hallway.

Run to Me in the Rising Dawn katsumi

Jyn has never had anyone stick around before. The battle is over now, but the war rages on and Jyn is already preparing for the day when she loses Cassian, too. (She doesn't realize he's terrified of the exact same thing.)

the quiet we hold ithacas

After Scarif, Cassian wakes up broken. He and Jyn learn to fix each other.

We Should laurie2000ann

Jyn could have died trying to save Cassian and he’s pretty angry about it.

Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About astoriamalfoys

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks her, a wry smile twisting his lips. Jyn ducks her head. “Nightmares or the medicine?”

It’s meant to be an easy conversation, but she says, “I was worried about you,” and his heart stutters to a staccato instead.

Han x Leia captainkitten

Important Thing of Awesomeness™ meets Dumpster Fire of a Human Being™

REYLO

we could plant a house, we could build a tree Like_A_Dove

Ben takes a deep breath. “It’s—it’s a project. Conceptual art. You wouldn’t get it.”

Rey presses her lips together to keep from laughing. She plans her next words quickly and carefully, determining what will get her the best reaction. “Really? Looks like you ruined a bedsheet to me.”

His reaction does not disappoint. “Get out.”

Parenthood (series) pontmercy44

What to expect when you're expecting the child of a rich, womanizing, alcoholic, unredeemable asshole? And what to do when the unexpected, improbable, irrational happens?

What She's Worth g_girl143

After being sent to train under his uncle in the Jedi academy, Ben Solo meets a youngling girl who would change the course of his life. An alternative universe companion fic for Claudia Gray's "Bloodline" novel. A scenario in which Ben Solo and Rey are fellow students of Luke's Jedi Academy and the events that led to the birth of Kylo Ren.

A Proposal by Any Other Name LucidLucy

Rey and Finn have been A Thing for a long time now. Since she was eighteen, to be exact. When Finn leaves on a trip to Europe for six months for work, Rey finally chases after him to Dublin to do what he seems to be putting off: propose. | Leap Year AU

If You Trust What's in Your Heart (What Better Can You Do) TheJGatsby

After the war, Rey likes to savor the peace on her own sometimes. Then she's not alone anymore.

Black Gloves, Orange Soup Solia

While the dwindling Rebellion starves, awaiting their chance to attack a First Order supply vessel, Rey is trying to keep busy repairing the lightsaber. As luck would have it, her Force-bonded rival Kylo Ren is knowledgeable on the subject and keen to help, but he is also very... distracting.

A Good Fall ohwise1ne

Ben Solo refuses to take a stunt double and pays the price when he breaks his leg filming his latest action blockbuster. His new physical therapist, Rey Sanders, seems to be the only person in Hollywood who doesn’t recognize the infamous Kylo Ren – and for some reason, he finds himself fighting to keep it that way.

A Royal Mistake reyofdarkness

Ben Solo (aka The Playboy Prince): Prince of Alderaan and tabloid sensation, never seen with the same girl twice.

Rey: Mechanic, blissfully unaware of Ben Solo's very existence.

Until Paige recruits her for a night servicing the Met Gala, host to a diverse class of guests, including royalty. It is there that a chance encounter gets Rey caught up in a pair of pretty eyes and a charming personality that she knows she should stay far, far away from. The universe, however, seems to have other plans. Hot Tip: Don’t look up your crush’s sex tape.

The End of a String Silvershine

A bridge still exists between the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the rebel known as Rey. As the connection winds tighter, the line between enemy and friend continues to blur, and Rey's loyalties are called into question. A force bond can bring companionship and support, but it's not without its dangers... or delights.

No Ill Will Castiloar

His face set into a resigned expression before tapping his phone with a final flourish, sending whatever excuse he made. She almost jumped when he squarely met her gaze. “Me? Your hostage? I’d almost think you like having me here.” Even with the congestion he managed to drop his voice low enough to make the quip weigh heavy.

variations on a theme of you disasterisms

"Who knows?" Luke darted a faint smile at Ben and Rey as they stewed in silence and disbelief. "The two of you might even learn to get along. Right, Leia?"

"Like a house on fire," the General deadpanned. "Complete with screams, flames, and people running for safety."

"Indeed." Luke's blue eyes twinkled. "There may be no survivors."

As Hard As I Try... KKetura

When her friends find out about her force bond with Kylo Ren, Rey finds herself more alone than ever. But in her forced solitude, she slowly discovers a better understanding of herself and the man to whom she's inextricably linked.

lying restless (as the dawn comes near) TheJGatsby

They have a tradition for nightmares.

you gotta stop doing that semi-hiatus

She caught herself right before the words ‘you gotta stop doing that’ slipped from her lips, saving her from having the explain why she randomly started talking to herself in the hallway.

Why Her? Aramenialys

Just one last battle. One. Then they can be done and put everything behind them. That was the plan. Then it's smashed to bits, and Kylo has to figure out how to come back from tragedy and form a new one. A short drabble/oneshot about Rey dying and (redeemed) Kylo learning to cope.

Quiet issueswithjedipedagogy

He wasn’t sleeping. She had caught sight of him in the darkness, blinking awake to the strange vacuum the bond created around her; the quiet focus on two souls that seemed to make everything else fall away.

Soft Things catmusing

Kylo Ren wakes up aboard a familiar and yet unknown ship. His body aches and it hurts to remember but there is Rey of light.

Aphelion ambiguously

Stranded on a barren planet together, Rey and Kylo Ren have only each other to help them survive.

Vulnerability and Soft Hair smallenoughtofit

After two years with the Resistance, Kylo Ren still lacks any real security or relationships outside of his tenuous whatever-this-is with Rey. And Rey still wonders what his hair feels like.

the remedy is the experience (i won't worry my life away) TheJGatsby

Rey gets sick, and she isn't very good at letting people look after her.

Proper Sleep tearoomsaloon

Much to her frustration, Rey can no longer properly sleep unless she's snuggled between Ben's glorious pecs

ad infinitum hyperphonic

for the prompt: Rey and Kylo telling Leia, Rey is pregnant. Leia had no clue.

any way you want it thegoodlannister

rey helps ben begin to work through the process of making decisions - even really simple ones - for himself. rehabilitation is a slow process in the aftermath of the mess snoke has spent three decades making of ben's mind.

It Will Come Back ReyloTrashCompactor

“Honey, don’t feed it. It will come back”

A Series of Firsts Tandy

Ben (or is it Ren?) and Rey sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love and then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.

A story told in firsts.

Dark Prism whythokylo (OpalElephant)

Rey awakens again, except this time it's to a life she can't recall with a man she only knows as her enemy. My attempt at a long form, dark AU. (Formerly titled Aphelion)

A Few Small Repairs TourmalineGreen

Rey buried her face in her blankets. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t going to allow herself to feel anything. Rain was just water, and so were tears. It would all dry, in time. The storm would pass, and then she’d keep going. That’s how it always had been, and that’s how it was going to be.

She would be alright, after this. She would find a way, find something…

what ails you thegoodlannister

or: three times ben solo was sick and one time kylo ren was. unabashed reylo and even more unabashed hurt/comfort.

100 Ways to Say I Love You AquaWolfGirl

Taken from a list on Tumblr of 100 Ways To Say I Love You, 100 little oneshots leading up to Valentine's Day.

I'm always in this twilight (in the shadow of your heart) disasterisms

Coded on a secondhand datapad in a run-down motel room in Mos Eisley, deleted and never sent: Everything about us was a whirlwind.

Written on a scrap of durasheet in a Tion Cluster outpost, the words fading after a while into air and ghosts: You shouldn't have forgiven me for any of it.

Scraped into the bark of an oak tree on the Argazdan homeworld: You won't believe the dreams I have about you.

the one with the lust writing-reylo

She has bigger things to worry about than that.

The most pressing of which is reclining in her bed, shirtless.

“Can you move?” She asks, unwinding her scarf and shrugging off her huge jacket.

Milking It thewayofthetrashcompactor

“Rey.”

The voice was deep and familiar, rough with exhaustion, and echoed across the gap closed by the Force.

She ignored it, hunched over on the edge of the cot she'd been sleeping on. She wanted nothing more than to lean back and curl up into an unconscious ball again, but another voice, this one much closer, called her name again.

morning in the burned house disasterisms

Leia's not really surprised at all, to be honest, but, for the sake of his pride, she should probably pretend to be.

find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel again_please

The war is over, Snoke dead at Rey and Kylo's hands. The two of them find themselves feeling a bit out of place as the Resistance celebrates and decide that the answer is a bit of good old fashioned Corellian whiskey. Enjoyed responsibly, of course. And in private.

Because You're There disasterisms

Three years ago, Rey had not yet climbed Everest.

Presenting the first half of my fic/art trade with the lovely lilithsaur, based on her trash triplets x 2 universe. The gist is that there are three Solo boys— Kylo, Ben, and Matt (the character from Adam Driver's SNL skit)— and three Kenobi girls— Kira (dark Rey), Rey, and Daisy (undercover Rey).

Sword of the Jedi (series) diasterisms

“What do you think?” Luke asks his nephew. “She has potential.”

“She bit me, Master,” is Ben’s stiff response. “Any opinion I give would be biased.”

Or: Everyone is connected, even if, sometimes, it's just by the skin of our teeth. Even in the midst of darkness, still, luminous beings are we.

Reign OptimisticBeth

Alternate Ending to "The Last Jedi." Rey accepts Kylo Ren’s offer in return for the lives of the retreating ships.

Political maneuvering is not Rey's forte. She must adjust to life as the First Order's first lady, making friends and enemies along the way and indulging in sweet awkward romance with her Ben.

Burgeoning Hope crossingwinter

#ShesPregnantAndHesDumbAndHasntLeftHisJobYet

miles from where you are mooncactus

After an argument over Star Wars fandom with a "gatekeeping, entitled monster" with the cryptic username of KyloRen, Rey finds herself stuck in a series of unavoidable video calls.

Prisoner orphan_account

Rey has been running all her life. She had known since she was a small girl that she was born with the powers that had been cursed and labeled evil by the galaxy. Running had worked for so long, that she was almost surprised when the bounty hunter Kylo Ren had caught her trail. But they might have more in common than they both originally thought.

Hand of Fate sweetestcondition

Rey is offered a choice at the end of Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. This time, she takes the hand of Kylo Ren, grasping at the chance to transform the First Order from the inside. She hopes to create a Resistance from within, starting with the heart of Ben Solo. | feat. KoR, Kezzik

keep me in your clouded mind hi_raeth

Flu season has claimed its latest victim: Rey’s roommate, Ben Solo. But it’s fine. She’ll get him dressed, bring him to the hospital, and everything will be okay. Things are totally under control.

Except for the part where Ben has completely lost his verbal filter and keeps babbling about his feelings for her.

Exile Ernzo

The war is over and the First Order has fallen. Ben has returned home to face his consequences.

A story of Rey and Ben finding peace in the aftermath of war as Ben accepts his punishment.

made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter disasterisms

The First Order does not exist, what is dead stays dead, and they grow up together at Luke's Jedi Academy.

Or: The one where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

(Then again, it's Ben and Rey, so maybe things hurt a little.)

A little ginger, a little honey Areah51

Rey is sick, and Ben shows up where he's not wanted, but in the end, we all need someone to take care of us when we're ill.

my wildest wind (come blow into my room) meritmut

“Would it have been so terrible?” he asks. “Staying?”

Could we have had this? she thinks, like she always does.

Non-consecutive ForceTime vignettes in the days, weeks and months after Crait.

Play to Win Enterprisingly

Ben Solo – aka KyloRen – is a professional gamer, playing the first-person-shooter StarKiller for the internationally ranked eSports team, The First Order. He’s made a name for himself as a ruthless competitor with a ferocious temper and top-notch skills that can’t be beat. That is, until a mystery player named ReyOfLight begins thoroughly trouncing him whenever they cross paths.

Unwell AquaWolfGirl

Jakku was cold, but nothing compared to Hoth. While staying at the old Rebel base, Rey catches a cold, and someone is a huge worry wart over the woman who denied his offer.

The One Where He Decides writing_reylo

He’s on the bridge and he’s alone.

The First Order are no more.

It only took him a year, carefully manipulating every weak mind he came across, emotionally manipulating the ones he couldn’t.

Embers sciosophia

All the myriad things he’d been—someone who made her laugh; the warmth on the other side of the bed; her best friend—those things, Rey had buried.

Rey left Ben two years, three months, and sixteen days ago. But who's counting?

Interstellar Transmissions LovelyThings, ricca_riot

Rey’s interrogation at the hands of Kylo Ren triggered an awakening in the Force, as well as an unwelcome bond that links them across the galaxy and grows stronger every day.

What Stays and What Fades Away astra_inclinant

Her feelings for Kylo Ren are quiet, not acknowledged, but deeply felt. She cannot make peace with them and send them from her mind.

Or, everyone is emotionally stunted and no one has healthy coping skills.

Our Heaven is Just Waiting FrostedFox

It's his turn to fall wounded before her, and her turn to decide where to go from there.

If only she could convince him to stay alive.

make it look just the way i planned TheJGatsby

Ben buys the painting on a brokenhearted impulse, and somehow it ends up being exactly the right choice.

(Based on the song Paint Me a Birmingham)

#reylo #rebelcaptain #star wars #sw tfa #sw tlj #kylo x rey #ben solo #cassian x jyn #rogue one

10 notes · View notes

aftermathdb · 5 years ago

Text

We’re about to get insane!

Oh joy… They’re communicating through memes.

Deadpool′s Preview.

So we all know Deadpool. He’s been here a few times, and to be honest at this point, you either love him or you hate him.

Yadda Yadda Yadda, Blah blah blah, they probably should’ve saved this for next season because this is almost tiring at this point. We know what this guy’s done and what he’s capable of.

At least he’s not Batman with a legion of fanboys who would spout racist drivel over a result like Batman vs. Black Panther. Did you know that they’re still raging about that?- Crazy, right?

Wade’s got your standard superhuman arsenal of powers. Strength, speed, durability, and his (in)famous healing factor.

Now, to be fair, most of this is because of that old curse Thanos put on him, but frankly, it’s still hard to put him down for good.

But it’s at this point that Wiz and Boomstick start making some jokes at DP’s expense.

Heh heh. Yeah. But jokes aside, Wade has an impressive arsenal of weapons and feats.

He once dodged electricity, which if it’s anything like actual electricity, should move like it.

He’s tanked massive explosions and pulled down helicopters.

His healing factor isn’t perfect though. You may have noticed that he often reattaches his limbs, and that’s mostly because it’s easier than letting them grow back.

But at the end of the day, Deadpool is one hell of a fighter. It’s going to take a lot to take him down.

Meanwhile, enjoy this equation that determines how annoying deadpool is. His end quote is one from the preview.

The Mask′s Preview.

The mask we wear to conceal our desires is a strange one. But there exists a mask that reveals it. AKA: The Mask.

Many stories surround this strange mask.

Some say it was used in ancient tribal rituals in Africa,

while others say it was created by Loki, the Norse god of mischief.

Either way, it ended up in the hands of local loser Stanly Ipkiss.

He then donned The Mask, which gave him superpowers!

But don’t let the movie(s) fool you. This guy is a violent sociopath who is basically there to spread chaos. And he has all sorts of supernatural powers.

(Boomstiick punches Pinkie away, and I just opt out of showing it because how dare he hurt the best pony? (She was voiced by Emily Fajardo, for those of you curious))

Anyways, with Toon Force on his side, The Mask has quite the arsenal.

He can manipulate physics, read minds, and do all sorts of crazy stuff.

And thanks to this, he can basically say “no” to damage.

He once raced Lobo around the planet and then crashed into him.

Given the speed they would have to be going at to make this visual, they would be moving at about 9,635,088 meters per second.

The only way to really beat the Mask would be to get it off the user. But given how much power it gives a person, who’s really going to?

The Mask is a powerful force that no one should ever have to contend with.

The Battle Itself.

The animators are the RT 2D animation team. Deadpool will be reprised by Curtis Arnott (Takahata101) and Mask will be voiced by Kyle Igneczi, Goodbye Chimmichanga by Therewolf, and audio is led by Chris Kokkinos.

So, the battle… It um, It starts rather interestingly.

So Deadpool “lands“ and then The Mask appears.

Let’s just put it this way: It gets CRAZY Like really crazy. They shoot at each other, and then Deadpool breaks the fourth wall (literally) to grab his continuity gem.

He brags about how it can let him make it so that Mask didn’t put on the mask while also “correcting” mistakes as some 2D-Hand-Drawn panels of previous battles flow by. Probably as a “Take That” to the people who threw temper tantrums over it.

Surprisingly, Ben 10 vs. Green Lantern wasn’t among them. Considering how easy of a target the detractors could have made considering that I am pretty confident that a lot of them fell into the “I didn’t watch the rundowns or the explanations, but I’m pissed off” category- I’m getting off-topic here.

Basically, Deadpool blows the budget.

So what are they to do?

This (Deadpool double is Sam, Mask double is Kyle Taylor).

So after they get enough money back, they wind up doing a standoff.

Finishinng blow coming up… in

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Now, unfortunately, Deadpool can’t do much, so he goes out gracefully.

Verdict + Explanation.

So the hosts, while initially happy that Wade’s gone, feel really empty about the whole thing.

The only real edge Wade had was in experience, but he was outclassed in power.

Pushing over a building and tanking that explosion with Lobo blows Deadpool’s feats out of the water.

And since Wade had no real way of beating The Mask, he was out of options. The Mask could pretty much just will things to happen, like a bomb that could beat Deadpool’s healing factor.

The hosts admit that it was a stomp and that they went too far in pushing Deadpool to his limits. To which they receive a letter from Wade that details how they managed to get him to see how fame had changed him, and how he wants to thank them for getting him back to his roots…

NAAAAHHH! HA ha!

But seriously, the winner is the Mask. I guess he just likes Wade too much to let him stay dead.

Overall impression.

In all honesty, this was… a trip. I’m not going to give it a rating mostly because this feels like a story battle rather than a DEATH BATTLE.

It’s clever, it helps develop the characters more, and it’s honestly good fun… So long as you don’t find Deadpool annoying or anything. If you do, then you’re kinda out of luck. But I guess it might also make people feel bad about wanting Deadpool to get into a stomp battle for the sole purpose of shutting him up, so… yeah.

Like I said: No rating. This is a story. And a pretty damn good one at that.

Next Time…

Well, at least I don’t have to bring out my Galactus chapter yet. But this feels more like… Season premiere material. This also isn’t helped by the fact that I haven’t watched MHA and that I’m not even a fan of Naruto.

But whatever. Let’s get ready for a Mightily awesome fight!

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Might Makes Right (I swear, if this isn’t the inspiration of the name of the song, I’m going to be slightly disappointed).

#Death Battle #Deathbattle #review

7 notes · View notes

lanamemories · 5 years ago

Text

strides in thru a bead curtain swirling a martini glass n accidentally sloshing it onto my own toes without noticing........ Hlo. my name’s nai n i’m 23 (:/ only jst turned it on the 23rd october n frankly i’m nt used to it yet i feel like rose frm the titanic, 84 n withered) frm manchester in the uk. jst gna go ahead n dive right in bt. OH u can find her pinterest here. ok bye

BRIDGET SATTERLEE / CIS-FEMALE. — lana jameson is really making a name for themselves as a sheep. i think that she is studying dance in their junior year at lockwood, living in alpha nu. originally from albany, NY, lana is known to be vivacious & alluring, but can also be childish & impulsive. — nai / 23 / gmt / she/her.

aesthetics: scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out into a cold breeze in just spaghetti strapped silk, a red lightening stripe painted over your eye like a new take on the scarlet letter, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off the bruised cap, doodling penises in condensation instead of sitting still, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, playing where’s waldo with your lipstick in the crowd of a party and finding red smudges on at least six people’s mouths, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

BACKGROUND:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like... a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him. jst a leetle bit Fractured in its intentions.

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much... grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of... b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst... didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt... quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like.... she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of... drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents including a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably........ completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in and out of hospital twice nw n he’s currently dipped off the radar after starting to use. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her. she doesn’t talk abt this tho. when she feels the urge to cry she usually jst smiles

ANYWAY whew tht rly.... took a dark turn there..... chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of... almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) a mre recent point of history is her involvement w danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine who is possibly the antichrist??? pending investigation). he attended lockwood n lived in a house w a group of other guys. it wsn’t a registered frat bt he essentially...ran it like one it ws kind of a weird set-up where he ws the King Of The Roost. essentially he found out tht lana n zeke van doren (full name it’s official business Babey) slept together n he ended up beating him to near death in front of her bc his pride ws rly bruised since they were meant to be dating (if u can call it tht bc danny’s idea of dating is very Warped). danny gt arrested n the trial is approaching n it’s jst....a whole intense mess...... n he’s quite evil. she hs a restraining order against him while he’s out on bail b4 the trial n he got suspended frm lockwood n it ws jst. a whole dramatic thing....tht ws prob heard abt around campus

PERSONALITY:

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character n she like. deliberately puts tht on sort of. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

PLOTS

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. worlds our oyster fellas!

#wshintro #trauma tw #hypersexuality tw #ptsd tw #death tw #grief tw #hospitalisation tw #drugs tw #dissociation tw #lets jst pretend i didnt post this w the wrong. intro tag a second ago bt #this truly is a bit long............ feel free to #jst skim.....to her personality bc there's a lot #bt anyway yeets this bk out

6 notes · View notes

gojirahkiin · 5 years ago

Text

By Our Bleak & Apathetic Powers Combined!

So... I’m gonna tag @tyrantisterror while simultaneously apologizing to him for this, because while this is a fanfic idea I had independently a long time ago the recent prevalence of Anime-zilla and Snyder-man on his blog and consequently my dash have prompted me to flesh it out.

Basically, both are awful for different reasons, so what if you cross them over? Will it be like multiplying negatives and getting a positive? Or will the awfulness compound and combine?

Snyder-man’s pod crash lands on Animezilla’s Earth. The moth-people find it and raise Kal-El. As a tribe that has had to survive in an incredibly hostile world for thousands of years, you have a built-in explanation for why Snyder-man is willing to kill, even if you can argue that that (initially) only applies to Animezilla’s various spawn.

Now, everything about Snyder-man’s movie and Animezilla’s trilogy was awful, but the whole point of this crossover is double-down on both and see what happens, so that means embracing the garbage lore of both.

The moth-people are apparently psychic while in the Egg Room, so you could have them figure out that Kal-El’s an alien by having them psychically look at his baby memories and seeing his mom sending him off to safety. You now have a hook for the classic Superman reveal of “you’re our adopted alien child.”

Fast-forward however many years you feel is appropriate. Kal-El has been told his origins and goes to Find Himself... and also his baby capsule. Like in Snyder-man’s movie he presses a button he shouldn’t and a distress signal goes out to General Zod’s ship and he immediately sets course for Animezilla’s Earth because screw anything resembling sense or decency, he’s gonna murder Jor-El’s son and colonize his adopted planet as a matter of principle!

Now, I made myself do research since I haven’t watched Snyder-man and noped out of Animezilla’s trilogy before the 3rd movie because I said, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me - you will get no third chance!” What I found is that Zod’s ship was once his prison, and his crew is his merry band of war criminals. Excellent, I don’t have to feel bad for any of what’s about to happen.

Zod arrives on this backwater world and finds that the whole thing is a monster-infested jungle. Hardly any technology at all (Nanometal City may or may not ping depending on how good you feel it’s anti-Animezilla stealth is). Oh well, no need to bother announcing what’s about to happen, and nothing to stop him from using the weirdest ever terraforming machine to make New Krypton.

Zod sends his troops planetside to hunt down Kal-El, also probably to kill his loved ones because war criminal, and activates the World Engine.

Now, this fanfic is accidentally a case of East meets/vs. West, which means that I have accidentally made Zod a representation of Imperialist America, so you can have all sorts of destruction porn of the Zod Squad killing Animezilla’s oofspring, aka all animals and plants. You may think that’s a typo and it is, but oofspring fits because they were a mistake.

But crossovers work best when all franchises are treated equally, and this noise wakes up Baby Animezilla and Daddy Animezilla. Snyder-man’s movie shows that Krypton’s soldiers have good armor, but the Animezilla’s have stupid firepower, and Snyder-man also revealed that Kryptonians were haven’t lived under a yellow sun have power-incontinence in the form of sensory overload, so maybe the Zod-Squad doesn’t die, but now they are naked and suffering.

The Snyder-man movie made a big deal of two of the Zod Squad’s members: Faora-Ul and Namek, so they avoid the undignified fate of their fellows so that they can find Kal-El.

We could talk all day about how the Jor-El AI might have reacted to tribal Kal-El, but that would probably be a heartwarming father-son moment and this fanfic is about embracing awfulness so we ain’t got time for that, so I’ll just assume that AI-El info-dumped about Kal-El’s powers and he uses them in combination with the traditional weapons of the moth-people: nanometal spears.

Kal-El must fight Faora-Ul and Namek to protect the moth-people... and maybe the egg too, because remember, these are war criminals so what’s a bit of deicidal abortion before genocide?

Meanwhile Baby Animezilla may or may not have been killed by... something at this point, I don’t know and don’t actually care, I just feel like he should be dead at this point for some reason. Anyway, the real show at this point is Daddy Animezilla vs. the World Engine because the WE warps gravity to screw with projectiles and defends itself with tentacles, so DA has to haul his barky butt into melee range to destroy it.

Maybe these scenes are cool. Maybe they’re awful. I guess it depends on how the writer would handle this fanfic. Either way, Kal-El has killed Faora-Ul and Namek (and with the nanometal spears, so they get assimilated) and Animezilla has destroyed the World Engine.

That last part is really important, we’ll come back to it in a bit.

Anyway, at this point Zod comes down and does his movie monologue about how everything he did was for Krypton and without the chance to restore it all he has left is murder, because that’s what Snyder-Zod do.

Zod and Kal-El start fighting, and like in the Snyder-man movie it’s in the wreckage of the World Engine... which because this is a crossover is also where Daddy Animezilla is standing. DA is very passive, but the fact that he wrecked the World Engine in melee is really important.

See, because Kryptonian scientists are incomprehensibly stupid, despite knowing that yellow and blue stars give them superpowers in the absence of Kryptonite, the World Engine terraforms worlds by turning the ground into more Kryptonite. Since Daddy Animezilla had to smash the World Engine at close range, he got affected by it and is now part Kryptonite now.

Zod and Kal-El start wrecking each other and occasionally colliding with DA, hard enough for him to notice and so he starts a-firin’ his laser - which is now part Kryptonite because Kryptonians are dumb.

Zod and Kal-El are both fried in an instant.

There is no hope. No Kryptonians. There is only Animezilla.

There is also no Mothra, Mechagodzilla, or Ghidorah, just like in Anime canon.

So, it turned out that everything about this was awful and pointless, but because of that I can at least say that I was loyal to the source material, quite unlike the sources I drew from.

#I'm genuinely sorry #Sorry TT #bad fanfic #bad fanfiction #crossover #Snyder-man #oofspring #Animezilla #come at me Discourse #I fear no god #I fear no human #I fear no troll #I have regrets #But not what you'd think

1 note · View note

blueskittlesart · 6 years ago

Note

I don’t really watch Voltron, and dropped out of it a few episodes into season one. What’s happened to it, and why do you think so negatively of it? I don’t mean for this question to sound rude, but I’m curious as to what lead you to dislike Voltron so much?

voltron, imo, has never been a good show. it gained a lot of fans after season one because it looked like it had the potential to be an interesting, well-animated, character-driven show, but things went south real fast in season 2. get ready because this is gonna be a long one bois

Imagine. it’s 2016, voltron season 1 has just come out. there’s well-written coherent plot lines, heavily foreshadowed arcs for every character (COUGH COUGH LANCE) and it looks to be a great character driven adventure story. klance is gaining in popularity. the showrunners have even promised lgbt rep!! things are looking good for this new show.

then season 2 is dropped. The main plotline revolves around keith, a white mc, discovering he is a galra, aka the “evil” alien race who wiped out the black mc allura’s entire planet in a horrible genocide. One of the main plot points is about allura and keith’s relationship. Allura is, completely understandably from any rational person’s perspective, a bit wary around keith after she learns that he’s part of a race that literally committed a mass genocide of her people. logically, the show should handle this issue respectfully and acknowledge that allura, a victim of genocide and trauma at the hands of the galra, is justified in being a little uncomfortable around them.

Instead, the narrative is twisted to portray allura, a black victim of genocide, as totally unreasonable, and perhaps even a little racist, for being uncomfortable around the race that slaughtered all her people in cold blood.

skip forward a few seasons. the writing has gotten progressively worse, killing shiro, a disabled japanese man (though we didn’t know he was dead at the time), and pushing the series into a serial format and losing the character-based plot driving that made the show appealing in the first place. Lance, a latino character implied to have been born and raised in cuba, is constantly reduced to the “loverboy latino” trope or simply called stupid. Hunk, a fat brown character (implied to be samoan tho im not sure it was ever confirmed) Is constantly made fun of for his weight and never given any character development.

In either season 3 or 4, i can’t remember, the racism really starts to show. In one episode, the team enters an alternate reality in which the alteans, (allura’s race who were wiped out by the galra in their reality) fought back against the galra and won instead of being wiped out. In this reality, the alteans have become essentially the same as the galra, mistreating their subjects and killing anyone who disobeys them.

let me reiterate that. the alteans, the genocide victims, have become the oppressors.

that episode essentially looked at allura and said “yeah if you hadn’t been killed you would have ended up basically a galra yourself lmao.” it was honestly hard to watch.

then came season 6? (i might be messing up the seasons here but the point still stands.) Allura ends up in a relationship with, you guessed it, lotor, a galra prince!! the white-coded son of a colonizer who murdered every last one of her people!! but get this, halfway through the season it’s revealed that not only is lotor a son of a colonizer, he’s actually a colonizer himself!!

like, legit!! they used the word colonies!!

lotor had taken any alteans who survived the genocide and placed them in colonies where they essentially worshiped him as their savior. he then kidnapped a few of them each year and harvested their energy for fuel for his empire.

you read that right. he fucking. harvested. people. for energy.

at least allura broke up with him after that. but still, what the fuck were they thinking?

now, throughout all these seasons, we’ve been consistently told lies by the showrunners. “there’ll be great lgbt rep in our show!!” “lance is going to end up somewhere completely different than where he started!!” “Lance and hunk both have arcs incoming!!”

haha. no.

now, imagine this, you’ve held on (somehow) through all this blatant racism and utterly botched attempts at social commentary. season 7 is going to drop soon. you’re at sdcc 2018.

and all of a sudden, they’ve confirmed that shiro is gay.

Shiro, a disabled japanese person with ptsd, is confirmed gay! he has a fiancee!! suddenly everyone can ignore the shit they’ve put up with the last few seasons. it all seems to good to be true. before you know it, it seems shiro and his fiancee, adam, are everywhere. nearly every promotional piece for season 7 has shiro and adam as its focus.

and then.

season 7 comes out, and…. adam is in a grand total of 2 episodes. in one, he’s seen only in flashbacks. in the other, he’s shown for about 5 minutes before dying in a fiery fighter crash for no good goddamn reason.

you’re angry, understandably. that was blatant queerbaiting. the writers killed off the mlm love interest they’d been pushing as their super progressive lgbt rep for the past few months. you ask the showrunners for an explanation.

they tell you you baited yourself.

that’s right. you explain to the straight showrunners that you and many other lgbt fans are upset about queerbaiting, and their response is “we didn’t bait you. you baited yourselves.”

I, like so many others. dropped voltron after that slap in the face. it was the last straw for me.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!!!

as of season 7, lance is still lacking the arc he’s been promised. so, in season 8, the writers decide to throw him into a half-assed, rushed, undeveloped relationship with allura just so they can say he has an arc. In a completely random, unexplained twist that served no plot purpose whatsoever, allura kisses him, altering his genetic code and turning him altean.

then she fucking dies.

And she doesn’t just die. She, Allura, the female black genocide victim, dies in order to redeem her oppressors.

let that sink in.

The only point of allura’s death was to redeem the people who killed her people and destroyed her home.

tl;dr - voltron is racist, homophobic, and fatphobic, to name just a few things. this post hardly even touched on the awful writing, the ooc characterization after season 3, and a bunch of other racist shit i’m too tired to type out right now.

so that’s why i don’t like voltron.

#:))))#not art #asks #v slur

178 notes · View notes